Child magazine | DBN December 2015

D U R B A N ’ S

b e s t

g u i d e

f o r

p a r e n t s

bumper guide what’s on in december and january

festive recipes

summer pregnancy

for growing superheroes

how to beat the heat

sun & water

keeping your children safe

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Dec 2015 / Jan 2016

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mamma mia!

experiencing authentic italy

health

education

fun-filled family days entertainment

Hunter House What are your ingredients for the P U B L I S H I N G

Publisher

Lisa Mc Namara • lisa@childmag.co.za

Editorial

Managing Editor Marina Zietsman • marina@childmag.co.za Features Editor Marc de Chazal • features@childmag.co.za Resource Editor Tamlyn Vincent • durban@childmag.co.za Editorial Assistant Lucille Kemp • capetown@childmag.co.za Copy Editor Debbie Hathway

Art

Designers Mark Vincer • studio@childmag.co.za Candice Acheson • studio1@childmag.co.za Louise Topping • studio1@childmag.co.za

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best family holiday?

Are you an adventure-seeking family or more prone to… being prone? Maybe you just want to take it easy after a long and busy year. If your family is like mine and prefers a bit of both, then you will be thrilled with our happy holidays issue. As always, our team has rounded up the best Durban has to offer (page 22), should you choose the staycation option. We’ve also included some delicious and nutritious recipes, “food for superheroes” (page 27), and in “fired-up fun” we’ve come up with a few fun ideas to keep children learning throughout the silly season (page 8). After all, come January, children who have kept their brains active will be at an advantage when school starts again. Speaking of which, you can rely on our “back to school” resource (page 20) to help you tick all the right boxes and avoid any last-minute madness.

From all of us at Child mag, have a happy holiday, stay safe and relish this rare chunk of family time.

Lisa Waterloo • dbnsales@childmag.co.za Nicolene Baldy • subs@childmag.co.za

Accounts

Nicolene Baldy • admin@childmag.co.za Tel: 021 465 6093 • Fax: 021 462 2680

Lisa Mc Namara Publisher

Operations Manager

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If you are visiting Cape Town, Joburg or Pretoria during the holidays, get your hands on Family Fun, our new book filled with more than 180 things to do with your family. Order online at mapstudio.co.za

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December 2015 / January 2016

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contents

december 2015 / january 2016

8 fired-up fun 3 a note from lisa

regulars

8 over to you readers respond

11 pregnancy news – beat the heat Anél Lewis looks at ways

features

pregnant moms can keep cool during the warm months

8 fired-up fun Lucille Kemp gathers some ideas to keep children busy during the long holidays

14 mamma mia! Karen Claren and her two sons went on an impromptu adventure to Italy

16 the only child Simcha van Bel-Du Plooy investigates whether children who grow up without siblings are at a disadvantage

18 the naked truth what level of nudity in public and in your own home is acceptable? Samantha Page asks the experts

27 food for superheroes in their book Raising Superheroes, Tim Noakes, Jonno Proudfoot and Bridget Surtees offer delicious, yet nutritious recipes for growing children

health 10 safe, not sorry Marc de Chazal gives some guidelines for keeping your brood safe in and out of water this summer

12 best for baby – winnie don’t poo babies can also suffer from constipation. Marina Zietsman looks at causes and possible solutions

13 dealing with difference – my invisible friend Donna Cobban finds out why children have imaginary friends

17 a good read for the whole family 20 resource – back to school use these handy tips so you’re not caught unprepared by the new school year. Compiled by Child magazine

22 what’s on in december and january 25 next month in child magazine 26 finishing touch Anél Lewis tackles her son’s toilet aversion with cunning tactics

classified ads 26 it’s party time 26 family marketplace

this month’s cover images are supplied by:

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December 2015 / January 2016

Joburg

Cape Town

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Durban

Cotton On Kids cottonon.co.za

SODA Bloc sodabloc.co.za

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Megan Hancock Photography meganhancockphotography.co.za

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December 2015 / January 2016

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education

fired-up fun LUCILLE KEMP gets you looking to the many days ahead this holiday and avoiding tipping the scale from relaxed to bone idle.

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Plan a day trip once a week, whether it’s to a petting farm or for a picnic. Your child’s mind will be abuzz with the stimuli that a new experience or environment offers.

Join a library. Consider that from this time forward they need never be bored again. A story reveals a new world to your child and a library makes these worlds accessible.

Plant a food garden together. Part of the process is to decide on which vegetables or herbs would thrive best in the allotted space and season. This project requires a vested interest, research and application skills.

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Build a model airplane together, which is a visual motor activity; younger children can build Lego or puzzles.

Cook and bake together, and give them a say in what they would like to make. This calls for planning and prepping skills, measurement and accuracy, conceptual skills and seeing a task through.

Budget the pocket money. Get them thinking about what they have to spend, how they’ll make it last and how they can make more. Children will develop numeracy concepts in a concrete way.

Keep a holiday diary or start a blog and send postcards. This will develop recall and writing skills and exercise their ability to summarise along with developing language and technical skills.

Spend time out in the garden by looking closely at a flower or tree and drawing it. This encourages visual motor integration.

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Sign up with a holiday club. These are great, as many are built around special interests and are structured.

They are almost always balanced to be fun and challenging.

Make a comic book. This develops drawing, colouring and creative writing, creating a storyline and sticking to it through words and pictures.

Make a ritual of reading together every evening, extending the material from stories to newspaper articles. This activates the imagination, gets them enquiring and encourages them to start finding meaning in text.

Make a tented camp in the garden from old sheets.

This engages them in fantasy play, and builds perceptual and planning skills.

Play board games – make your child the banker for the next game of Monopoly.

Diarise day trips, playdates, birthdays, the countdown to Christmas (if you celebrate) and the first day of school on a large calendar. This will become a conversation piece and encourage children to plan ahead (“I only have 10 days to decide what to buy for Dad’s birthday”) and reflect (“What do I want for Christmas?”).

letters

over to you stop bullying on the playground Feeling like I may have missed something, I re-read “bully-proofing your child” (October 2015) several times. The article highlights this scourge (the expression on the cartoon characters’ faces perfectly capture it), but I am left asking “how?” This is a situation that really needs active observation and intervention from schools, but traditionally they have been remiss in providing it.

It is my opinion that were teachers to be on the lookout for the start of this behaviour, and appropriate corrective steps made in the junior grades, much of this damaging behaviour could be nipped in the bud.

Of course, they deserve their much-needed tea break in the staff room, but a staff member on playground duty should be watching out for children who seem to be alone or isolated or are being victimised, as well as in the classroom situation. I believe this would go a long way in obviating problems before they take hold. I don’t understand why, seemingly world-wide and after so long, it doesn’t seem to be implemented. Inevitably, much of this behaviour might then just go underground, especially with cyber-bullying, but it would go a long way to help.

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December 2015 / January 2016

The article states: “Your role as parent is to be supportive and help your child find their own solutions... familiarising yourself and your child with the various techniques for dealing effectively in deflecting bullying attacks”. I look forward to further articles that spell out these techniques, which were not covered and did nothing to remove the feeling of helplessness parents, and the bullied child themselves, are left with.

The workshops mentioned at the end of the article are long overdue and I am at a loss to understand why all schools have not implemented similar interventions.

Anonymous

there are other teachers out there who feel the same. What does it really matter if you get 10 candles, 10 soaps, 10 boxes of chocolates or 10 funny ornaments? It’s the thought behind the gift that counts.

Receiving gifts from pupils is not a given. It is a privilege and they should be accepted with gratitude. In any event, one can usually find a “home” for duplicates.

There are many people out there with tough and stressful jobs and they are not rewarded with 30 or more gifts at the end of each year. Keep it simple or next thing we know, there’ll be gift registries for teachers at upmarket stores.

Andrea

teacher’s gifts are a privilege I read the article “gifts that count” (November 2015) with mixed emotions. I agree that it is nice, even appropriate, for a pupil to give a gift to a teacher at the end of a school year and that gifts and cards made by the pupils themselves are the real treasures.

I also realise that the article was aimed at being helpful, but I feel that the writer portrayed some teachers as being ungrateful. I used to be a teacher and was always grateful for any gift, big or small, from pupils at the end of each school year. I’d like to think that

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PHOTOGRAPHS: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM AND RIAAN VERMEULEN

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t’s holiday time and important to let your child have the downtime they didn’t get during the school year. In fact, letting them get bored comes highly recommended by educational psychologist Melissa Braithwaite as this often leads to fantasy play; however, when that gets old, there are some other ways to fuel their free time.

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health

safe, not sorry

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Parents need to be extra vigilant to ensure their children stay safe in and out of water.

MARC DE CHAZAL gives us some safety reminders. have the necessary skills to resuscitate a child in the event of an emergency?

I don’t mean to put a dampener on the outdoorsy fun that characterises the South African summer, but if children are at grave risk of injury or death, we simply can’t afford to be lackadaisical about water safety.

Sun safety goes hand in hand with water activities.

Sunshine is our main source of vitamin D, but unprotected exposure may result in skin cancer. Experts advise us to use sunscreen appropriately and to ensure it’s a factor of between 15 and 30 for children. It’s also advisable to cover up with sunhats and UV-protective swimwear and to try to stay out of the sun when it is harshest – between 10am and 4pm.

pool safety According to government regulations, “All swimming pools must have a continuous safety barrier maintained by the pool owner that restricts access by young children to the pool”, and the following fencing regulations should be adhered to: • the fence must be an effective barrier to young children • it must be permanent • young children shouldn’t be able to crawl under or climb over it by using foot and hand holds • it must be at least 1,2 metres high.

And gates to the pool area must: • swing outward from the pool area • be self-closing from any position • be fitted with a latching device, out of reach of small children, and at least 1,5 metres above ground level.

You should also have a well-fitted, good quality net that can hold your child above water over the entire surface of the pool. A subsurface pool alarm is also a good additional safety measure.

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illustration: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

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he world has warmed up. Climate change aside, I’m talking about summer time, which means that our beaches, pools and other outdoor spaces will be populated by children having a blast. It certainly beats staying indoors, but summer adds an extra set of parental concerns to an already long list of responsibilities – water and sun safety.

“Every year an unacceptable number of children and adults drown,” says Janice Probyn, a swimming instructor in Cape Town. “Drowning is listed as the second highest cause of death in under-15 year olds in South Africa (the highest cause is road accidents). Earlier this year a childminder tried to save a drowning toddler and they both drowned. This is avoidable. Learning to swim is a life skill and will save lives. In most residential areas you will find a choice of swim schools that teach children of all ages to swim. Not only will learning to swim save lives, but it is also an excellent aerobic all-body workout and it can be great fun too.”

Getting back to that horrific drowning incident Probyn refers to, how safe is your pool area? Have you enrolled your child in swimming lessons? It’s advisable to start as early as possible. And what about your childminder… can she swim? Is she trained in CPR? For that matter, do you

pregnancy news

beat the heat Rising temperatures can make a summer pregnancy unbearable. ANÉL LEWIS finds out

PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

how to beat the heat when you’re expecting.

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ananarama may have sung about it being a “Cruel Summer” way back in the 80s, but when I was expecting my daughter, it felt as if this song had been written just for me. I was about eight-and-a-half months pregnant in December, and huge. I felt like a beach ball and much like a beach ball, I was at my happiest – and most comfortable – when I was bobbing about in a pool. It was the

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only way I could get through those heavy summer days with a mini watermelonsized baby in my belly. My swollen ankles resembled hunks of corned beef and my feet expanded by at least one shoe size on a good day. Immersing myself in cool water was my only chance of relief.

Pregnant women tend to have a higher core body temperature, so it’s not surprising that when the mercury rises in

summer, moms-to-be feel the heat more than everyone else. Kasia MiszewskiCloete of Cape Town also battled with swollen ankles during her pregnancy. “I would put ice on my ankles to help with the swelling,” she says. Cape Town mom Samantha Nadelman also went the ice route when she had to endure a heat wave in the final weeks of her pregnancy. She beat the heat by sitting with her feet in a bucket of ice.

Angelique Serrao of Gauteng lived in summer dresses and drank “huge” amounts of lemon juice mixed with soda water. Constrictive clothing will just make you feel more uncomfortable when it’s hot or humid. Opt for natural fabrics such as cotton, and looser outfits.

Cape Town-based Jeanne Alblas, who was highly pregnant with her first child through the peak of summer, says maternity dresses are only flattering if you don’t have the rest of your body covered in leggings or long-sleeve tops. She adds: “South-facing houses come in handy in the Cape when you (very unlady-like) sprawl yourself on the couch in front of the open doors of the living room, with one leg slung

over the backrest, to take full advantage of the southerly wind.” She adds that only kitesurfers and pregnant women would get excited about these winds during summer.

Yolande Hendrick, also of Cape Town, made sure she was close to air conditioning to get through her summer pregnancy. For Samantha, the office’s air conditioning just wasn’t enough. She resorted to having an “industrial-strength” fan on her desk at work. If you’re still working in your last trimester, and the heat is unbearable, stay inside as much as possible. It’s also a good idea to avoid doing heavy exercise during the warmest times of the day.

Other tips include drinking plenty of liquids, especially on hot days. Cut down your salt intake as this can contribute to dehydration. Keep your feet elevated if you are prone to swelling and avoid jewellery that could be a bit tight. Jeanne says she soon realised that the beach was the best spot for a bit of suntanning, as she could scoop out a “belly trench” so that she could catch some rays on her back. But just bear in mind that women are more heat-sensitive when pregnant, so avoid the sun where possible and apply a good SPF.

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best for baby

winnie don’t poo Babies can suffer from constipation, especially if they are formula-fed. MARINA ZIETSMAN looks at possible causes, how to recognise it and what you can do about it.

what’s the formula?

Your baby may have an allergic reaction to the milk, soy, protein or fatty acids in formula. The best advice would be to change the formula, says Smith. “Ask your healthcare practitioner. There are so many formulas on the market with intricate labels, that it can become very confusing.

Your paediatrician or clinic sister should be able to advise you.” Smith says it’s a question of trial and error. “Don’t expect to find the solution overnight. Be prepared to try different formulas.”

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if the formula is right Babies often become constipated when they switch to solids and their tiny bodies are getting used to this “new concept”. Fibre is just as important for your baby as it is for you, and certain fruit and veg can help with constipation, such as pears, prunes, peaches, broccoli and beans. Consider avoiding excessive dairy intake, and keep the ABC in mind: apple sauce, bananas and cereals could be the culprits. Smith advises to stay clear of ricebased cereals.

Dehydration can also cause constipation. If your baby has been ill or has been on medication preventing her from getting enough breast milk or formula, she can become constipated. Offer your baby a small daily serving of water in addition to usual feedings. If this doesn’t help, give your baby a daily serving of prune or pear juice.

the bottom line Smith says to think of dealing with your baby’s constipation as a programme of trial and error that you need to stick to.

“As with formula, gauge which foods you think might be causing constipation and eliminate those. If the problem persists, ask your healthcare practitioner for a lactulose

[a type of laxative that works by softening the stool],” says Smith. You can use an infant glycerine suppository, though these are only meant for occasional use.

In her book Tissue Salts for Children, herbalist Margaret Roberts suggests treating constipation in babies with natrum muriaticum (or Nat mur). This is a distributor of water in the body, maintaining the balance of water by osmosis.

Smith warns against giving your baby treacle sugar, or any kind of oil, such as flaxseed oil. Also, don’t introduce solids before four to six months of age, and don’t use stimulant laxatives or enemas to treat infant constipation.

signs of constipation • • • • •

Your baby is straining when passing stools, sometimes painfully There might be a little blood in the nappy from a skin tear Hard or dry stools Your baby refuses to feed or passes a lot of wind Your baby has a lack of appetite and is listless or restless

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illustration: catwalker/shutterstock.com

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lthough it’s rare for babies on an all-liquid diet to be constipated, it cannot be ruled out. Formulafed babies are more likely to experience it, as formula is harder to digest than breast milk. Dr Deon Smith, a paediatrician from Cape Town, says parents need to understand what constipation is before searching for causes and solutions. “It’s about the consistency of the stool, not the frequency,” says Smith. A breast-fed baby can poop anywhere from several times a day to once a week. Formulaand dual-fed babies can poop every single day to once every three to four days. Smith says: “As long as the stool is soft, there’s no need to be concerned about constipation.”

dealing with difference

my invisible friend Many children have an imaginary companion during childhood. DONNA COBBAN finds out if this behaviour should be considered

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normal or disturbing.

round the age of eight I lived two rather separate lives, one in the here and now, the other locked away and deeply embedded in imagination. To my family, friends and teachers I was me, but in my imaginary world I was Gillian. Unlike imaginary companions, Gillian existed as a kind of alter ego; she was someone I could become when being me was either boring or too taxing. Gillian was my inner superhero, long before commercial superheroes were invented, and she served as a source of comfort in childhood, and later as a teenager, she was a secret source of inspiration.

PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

It is often easier for children to express difficult things by whispering to an imaginary companion in the presence of an adult rather than talking to the adult directly.

These days I catch myself watching my own child with interest, an eight-year-old boy, waiting to see if he too might mutter secret conversations under his breath to an invisible other, but research suggests that boys are less likely to create imaginary companions as they spend a significant amount of time with the already imagined world of superheroes. Marjorie Taylor, professor of psychology at the University of Oregon, noted in a 1999 research paper that boys are not necessarily engaged in less role play than girls. The difference, she observed, was that boys are more likely to act out or impersonate the character they are playing with themselves rather than treat it as a separate individual.

I watch my son at play, cars strewn asunder, traffic jams, accidents, road rage, ambulances and police all converging on one or more scenes in quick succession.

His imagination, like most children’s, is ripe and ready: the police arrest the bad drivers, the baddies steal cars, the chaps with the spoilers make a hasty exit – this is imaginary play with a host of different characters. The next day I arrive on the doorstep of a friend of mine and ask her eight-year-old daughter an “uncontrolled research question”: “Hey, Sophie, when you are playing with your dolls, and one doll needs to say something, do the other dolls also start talking from across the room?” Sophie looks aghast and assures me that when speaking to one another, dolls in her experience spoke only to one another and no one butted in on the conversation.

companionship and nurture Amy* and her husband James* live in Cape Town. Their son Jack* created an imaginary companion, “Poppy”, around the age of three-and-a-half. While Amy thinks this may be the result of his only-child status, Jack’s imaginary companions mainly arrived when he was playing alone. Research, however, does not seem to support the notion that an imaginary companion is created through need for companionship. In 1998, researchers Ball and Lalonde gathered data from adults about their imaginary companions. It is magazine durban

interesting to note that while parents viewed the imaginary companion as a friend or an alter ego, the adults reporting on their imaginary companions remembered them as serving a nurturing role.

Amy tells of how Jack’s Poppy occasionally voiced opinion on topics ranging from toys, food and decisions in general. This did not happen often, but it does support the theory that the role of an imaginary companion goes beyond companionship and nurture. Taylor supports this idea as she describes how professionals will often use the child’s imaginary companion to help them. She reports about children creating imaginary companions in order to deal with difficult situations. The imaginary companion may be called upon to act as spokesperson, to report a scary situation or they may use the imaginary companion to be the scapegoat, reporting perhaps that it is the imaginary companion’s refusal to eat vegetables that is the real issue behind not eating vegetables. Taylor suggests that parents “…can exploit the imaginary for their own communication purposes. If you want to know how your child feels about a sensitive topic, you might try asking about the imaginary companion’s feelings.” She goes on to suggest that it is often easier for children to express difficult things by whispering to an imaginary companion in the presence of an adult rather than talking to the adult directly.

Jack’s Poppy was not alone, as one day he invented Sindedode. He was, says Amy, “a kind of side-kick to Poppy.” Sindedode never benefited from the odd family outing as Poppy did and he was only ever mentioned in reference to something Poppy was doing.

Taylor reports that having two imaginary companions is not uncommon. “I know of several cases where a child has had two imaginary companions, one good and one bad,” she says, and suggests that using two imaginary companions to deal with desirable and undesirable character traits may be helpful to the child. In addition to imaginary friends brought about through the child’s imagination for mere companionship, some children are also known to create an imaginary companion to deal with deeper emotional trauma.

Taylor reports of a child living in poverty creating an imaginary companion who was a rich father and bought her anything she wanted. A child with a missing parent might create an imaginary companion to fill this role and a child living in a violent home might keep an imaginary companion in his back pocket to draw upon when under threat.

Around a year after Poppy arrived, Sindedode started to fade away and when Jack started a more formal preschool, Poppy was only mentioned periodically. With a move to a new house, Sindedode and Poppy were left behind. Research around this supports the idea that when a significant change occurs, the imaginary companion is often left behind.

A similar thing happened when Bridgette left Cape Town and moved to New Zealand. As the family boarded the plane, her daughter’s constant imaginary companion failed to board the flight and she was never mentioned again.

I was surprised then to find that the Ball and Lalonde data gathered from adults revealed that 30% of adult participants were still “in touch” with their imaginary companion. This makes me wonder if resurrecting Gillian from my own childhood to assist in trying adult times might lighten the load of life. *Names have been changed.

further reading • imaginarycompanions.uoregon.edu – a website for anyone interested in knowing more • Imaginary Companions and the Children Who Create Them (Oxford University Press) by Marjorie Taylor

December 2015 / January 2016

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getaway

mamma mia!

Travelling in Italy on a limited budget with very little advance planning proved to be a most memorable family holiday for a single mom and her two sons. By KAREN CLAREN

Karen, Lorenzo and Teano at Santa Maria del Fiore Duomo in Florence

were a bit “bloody” and “depressing”. By the end of the holiday, after marathon hours of walking and playing endless treasure hunts, quiz games and reading stories of historical feats and scandals, they had a very different perspective.

You’re unavoidably surrounded by art, history and culture in Italy, from the smallest village to the impressive Roman Forum. Even on the 600-year-old Tuscan farm where we stayed, near Greve in Chianti, midway between Florence and Siena. The villa is reputed to have once been the home of Lisa Gherardini (the subject in Leonardo da Vinci’s famous Mona Lisa painting). What a start.

Manarola at sunset

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pontaneously announcing that I was going to travel to Italy with my sons, Teano (11) and Lorenzo (8), for a month evoked reactions of surprise all round, wavering between awe and concern. As I dreamt of escaping the upcoming long school holidays in a wintry Cape Town, opportunity struck when an invitation to visit friends in Tuscany coincided timeously with a business trip to Europe. I extended my plane ticket and booked the children to fly as unaccompanied minors to Italy. And pronto! Our Italian adventure was born.

The boys were unfazed by my lack of preparation. They dreamt of four weeks of pizza, pasta, gelato and sunshine while I distilled my overzealous plans into a more child- and budget-friendly

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Poggio Asciutto farm, near Greve in Tuscany

itinerary. Incorporating a diversity of iconic Italian culture between coast, city and countryside, we visited Manarola, Venice and Rome, with regional ventures around Tuscany and Reggio Emilia.

Our only pre-bookings were a guest house in Manarola, to avoid disappointment, as availability in this quaint seaside village was dwindling fast, and an AirBnB room in Rome, to ensure we had accommodation for our last four nights in case funds ran out, which they predictably did. The rest we improvised.

art appreciation Travelling as a single parent with two children in a foreign language country on a limited budget at short notice required large doses of lateral thinking, tolerance,

collaboration and compromise by all three of us. As much as I cursed Wi-Fi and the boys’ impulse to jump on at any given chance, it was indispensable, allowing me to sit up at all hours feverishly researching our next chapter, even booking cars and trains, often just hours before departure.

Although they like surprises, I began to appreciate that even on holiday children seek a degree of predictability. So while my boys realised it was futile to ask me where we were staying in three days time, they craved to know where we were off to next.

Sometimes I was still figuring that out myself.

In those first few days in Florence, I quickly learnt to take a more creative approach when Teano lamented that everything was “just so old”, and Lorenzo quipped that the century-old painted panels by Fra Angelico

Mellowed by an atypical heatwave with daily temperatures hovering at 38˚C to 42˚C, our holiday took a slower pace than anticipated. With sunsets around 9:30pm and darkness only falling at about 11pm, we adopted a Mediterranean rhythm of late starts and long days. With no clocks to watch or schedules to follow, time and place took on another dimension. We spent our days in an idyllic Tuscan setting, swimming and playing endless rounds of cards or board games in between alfresco lunches and dinners with handpicked salads and vegetables, underscored by that eternal, quintessential white noise of Tuscany, the chirping cicadas.

Walking the tightrope of tourist and tour guide, I became concerned I was failing in my duties to show the boys the classic sights, galleries and museums. Sometimes my proposals were met with resistance, and unable to reach a compromise on the day’s programme, conflicts were put to a democratic vote. At worst, when I was unable to pull rank, or bribe with gelato, we’d resort to a few rounds of rock-paperscissors to decide the simplest things, like where to eat.

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PHOTOGRAPHS: KAREN CLAREN

hidden gems

Piazza Navona, Rome

In an effort to avoid the hordes of tourists and endless queues, we frequently headed off the beaten track, meeting interesting locals and making our own discoveries in quieter streets or villages.

More thrilling than a restored palazzo, the boys loved exploring an abandoned 300-year-old villa, complete with its own cobweb-covered frescoes and low-flying bats – a perfect Scooby-Doo scene.

So while we didn’t mount the Tower of Pisa, we did spend days climbing up and diving off the giant rocky cliffs in the middle of the quaint and colourful Manarola harbour, laughing as we hit the crystal clear warm waters from imposing heights. Seemingly both the youngest and oldest daredevils that day, we almost became tourist attractions ourselves.

And although we missed seeing the statue of David up close, we did get a personalised tour watching ParmigianoReggiano cheese making on a small family-run farm near Salsomaggiore Terme in Parma. To complete the foodie

Wandering the ruins of the Roman Forum

experience, I drove all the way to Modena for an intimate tasting of authentic Balsamic di Modena, where Teano engaged the cellar owner in a surprisingly lengthy Q&A session.

Allowing the children to choose outings ensured increased interest and commitment, and no grumblings, no matter how far the walk. A highlight was a time travel into the thirteenth century at the spectacular Festa Medievale, where the boys could roam freely among the fully animated splendour of this famous pageant set in the picturesque, preserved walled town of Monteriggioni.

keep it simple Unexpectedly simple things became novel and fun: like long-distance train travel, singing along to the Italian pop songs on the car radio while missing signposts, interpreting food labels in the supermarket or licking a stamp for the first time when the children mailed a letter at the little post office in the Vatican City.

Island of Murano, Venice

A good sense of humour is essential, especially when things go wrong. Mine was tested when the boys accidently SIMblocked my cellphone trying to access games, crippling us financially for a week, as I was unable to receive online banking verifications. So for a few days, gelato was officially recognised as a meal substitute.

You definitely need to keep your wits about you as a single parent travelling solo with children. Episodes like realising we were on the wrong side of the road after much gesticulating and shouting from locals, or protectively delivering a mighty “klap” to a pickpocket I caught red-handed in my purse, were heart-stopping moments for me, but definite highlights for the boys.

Thankfully it was a smooth, largely drama-free trip, excluding the excitement of my stolen phone mysteriously found hours later on a Venice vaporetto, missed trains and newly purchased toy drones whizzing off our third-storey balcony and crashing into a creek. However, on our second-last day in Rome, my worst nightmare almost

Enjoying our last gelato in Venice

came true when I discovered that the boys had not alighted from the bus behind me at Piazza Bocca della Verità. Running down the road, chasing a bus in a foreign city not knowing where it was going or when it would stop next, felt surreal. Minutes later the boys emerged from the crowd, unruffled and looking distinctly local, arms around each other laughing: “Oh, Mama, you looked so funny screaming and running behind the bus!” I bet I did.

The daily details logged in our travel journals are filled with these funny little moments that will carry more conversational weight in days to come than an imposing statue that will still be there next time. Reflecting on those fabulous moments of playing in hilltop castles, strolling through olive plantations, marvelling in village markets, picnicking beside canals, studying Roman ruins or slowly sipping an expensive drink on a cozy piazza forms a colourful masterpiece that I now stand back to admire as a “truly authentic Italian adventure”.

do…

• • • • • • • •

research the plethora of interesting regional festivals stay at agriturismos (working farms) increase your credit card limit if renting a car to cover the hefty deposit hold enjoy the marvellous Italian trains for longer trips download walking and tour guide apps or hire audio guides book in advance for food tours and key museums buy a local SIM card that offers a generous call and data package invest in the invaluable DK family travel guides full of fantastic tips

don’t…

• • • •

Exploring the alley ways in Montefioralle, The wishing well in Siena

magazine durban

forget to pack a snorkel and goggles travel without a multipurpose tool miss out on the Festa Medievale in Monteriggioni overlook all the strict paperwork requirements for children travelling out of South Africa • underestimate the travelling times needed on the little country routes • change your PIN on your phone while abroad

near Greve

December 2015 / January 2016

15

parenting

the only child Children who grow up without siblings are not necessarily at a disadvantage, discovers SIMCHA VAN BEL-DU PLOOY. There is strong

w

evidence to suggest that they can be quite well-adjusted individuals.

hy is it that just after you have overcome the initial shock of the birth of your first child, everyone starts to ask, “When is the next one coming?” There seems to be an automatic assumption that you will have at least two children.

This question of having a second child is enough to choke you with confusion. What do I want to do and what is the “right” thing to do? Is it possible to marry these two questions and come up with an answer? My one decision impacts greatly on the family structure of not only my child’s generation, but the next one as well. Any children she goes on to have will not have an aunty or uncle from her side of the family. Society seems to demand that we have more than one child – at least, this is the feedback I am receiving from those around me. Is it therefore a parent’s sole choice to have a second child or do we do it because it is what is expected of us?

The freedom to make this choice, rather than feeling it is a burden placed upon a mother, is ultimately what has given me strength to explore my options further. I felt challenged to oppose the idea that a one-child family is a “not-goodenough” family. When asked, “So when are you having your next child?” I now respond with, “This is it – there are no more.” This is met with a puzzled expression of disbelief and what I perceive as judgement. The response is “that is selfish”, “you can’t do that”, “why?” or “you will change your mind in due course”.

In my interactions with other parents and non-parents, not once has somebody responded positively and encouraged me with my decision. Obviously as social human beings we crave acknowledgment and acceptance from those around us, so when we choose to do something that is not accepted and/or necessarily approved of, it can isolate us in a way, both socially and emotionally. As a parent, one fears that an only child will grow up to be maladjusted, spoilt, have social difficulties, and suffer from only-child syndrome as if it is a sickness.

In my discussions with parents of only children, and only children themselves living in Cape Town, I realised that there are positive aspects to having and being an only child. A Cape Town speech therapist and mother of one explains that it was a choice and even though both herself and her husband came from a large family, they chose to have just one child. As she works as a therapist her life is filled with children. She loves the freedom that comes with having only one child and “being able to be there for my daughter as much as she needs me” is rewarding. She also reports that parenting an only child is very different. In the triangular family structure, the child becomes a much closer unit with the parents. In a larger family, on the other hand, we can observe a dynamic

where an adult group and a children’s group is formed.

In such cases, the children have secrets or certain things they share with one another, but not with their parents.

They have their own group, in a sense, with special inclusion criteria. This group formation is ultimately very different in a family with an only child, as the child simply has to join the parents’ adult group. This can potentially result in a much closer parent-child unit.

one and only Mareli Fischer, a Cape Town-based clinical psychologist and only child herself, explains that the empty nest (when children leave their parents’ home to become independent) can sometimes be more difficult for parents of an only child.

The long-term impacts of the triangle losing one of its sides may be more detrimental to the parents than the child.

Mareli reports that, for her, being an only child was a positive experience and she has always felt securely attached to both her parents. Her mother didn’t work and spent a lot of time with her. She reports that growing up as an only child did not leave her feeling lonely and she never longed for siblings. She was schooled from an early age and had many friends, so never felt isolated and developed empathy for her peers early on. Having a dog from the age of three also added value to her life as her dog became a constant companion.

the parent of an only child, has discussed her choice openly.

She admits that her decisions as a parent have been “loaded with anxiety, doubt, judgement and misinformation”. This bucket of anxiety and doubt is one I share closely with her.

In her article she notes that only children are “just fine”, and not necessarily “selfish, spoilt and lonely” as once perceived.

Dr Tony Falbo of Texas University and her colleague Denise Polit have conducted extensive research to challenge the idea that siblings are necessary for well-adjusted human development. She is an only child herself and the mother of one. Falbo has studied only children in the US and China since the 1970s. Her findings have shown that children without siblings do not have a greater chance of being maladjusted in personality, achievement or intelligence.

The results found that only children often scored higher in measures of self-esteem and achievement. In studies of over 200 personalities of children without siblings, they found no difference in personality to children who grew up with siblings.

Falbo also reported that “people reproduce the environment that they grew up in”, suggesting that we choose to have more children because we grew up with siblings and believe that the next generations should do likewise. This is ultimately consistent with the idea that as humans, we find change difficult and conformity to be an easier option.

In China, a number of research projects have been carried out to explore the impact of the one-child policy. Feng (2002) reported that only children actually had superior nutrition and health care, as well as what he terms “an overdeveloped intelligence”. Furthermore, Chen (1986) found that 76% of the mothers and 51% of the fathers of only children spent more than half of their leisure time with their children, while only 60% of mothers and 45% of fathers of children with siblings did so.

This makes sense, given that when you have more children, the time spent with each one may decrease somewhat.

From the research, one may wonder if having an only child may be a better choice. Many people who have been great achievers have been only children, and without them the world we live in today may not have been the same. The list includes Isaac Newton, Elvis Presley, Frank Sinatra, Leonardo Da Vinci, Mahatma Gandhi, Maria Sharapova, Coco Chanel and Charlize Theron.

Ultimately, a happy parent equals a happy child.

If having a second or third or fourth child will make them feel stressed, unhappy, overwhelmed or financially constrained, then perhaps it is not the best decision.

Research also suggests that being an only child is in the best interest of the child – cognitively, emotionally and socially. Still, all the research in the world doesn’t make the decision any easier for parents. It remains one of the most difficult to make.

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December 2015 / January 2016

Father of one, John, believes that one is enough and says “you can’t get it right twice”. He explains that following the birth of their first child, who is now four, they received a lot of support and they are unlikely to be provided with this support a second time. Like Mareli, John’s son has been schooled from a young age and has many pets to share his life with. He sometimes struggles to share his space with his peers when they come to visit and this is something that he is still learning to do, though generally he socialises well.

doing just fine In The Case of the Only Child, Dr Susan Newman discusses how the only-child family has actually become one of the fastest-growing family units in the US. She reports that in England a massive 40% of families are only-child families.

Time magazine’s front cover in July 2012 focused on “the only-child myth” and in June 2013, the magazine discussed “The economic reasons for having just one child”. Writing for Time, journalist Lauren Sandler, an only child herself and

magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

Children without siblings do not have a greater chance of being maladjusted in personality, achievement or intelligence.

books

Bible Stories for Children

By Wendy Maartens and Marie Prinsloo

a good

(Published by Struik Children, R150) This is a retelling of stories from both the Old and New Testament. The combination of the author’s accessible text and the joyful illustrations gives children a modern and open-minded insight into the facts and questions of the Christian faith.

read First Sticker Story Fun: Baby Animals

By Miriam Bos (Published by Campbell Books, R141) Join Molly Mouse and her googly-eyed friends on a fun-filled adventure around the farm in search of her nest. With loads of stickers and lots of colouring fun too, this book is the perfect sticker activity book to keep little ones busy over the holidays.

Cinderella

By Harriet Castor and Smiljana Coh (Published by Penguin South Africa, R190) In her ragged clothes, poor Cinderella can only dream of royal balls and charming princes. But, with a little help from a fairy godmother, she shall go to the ball and meet her true love.

Join in the fun by spinning the wheel to turn a pumkin into a glittering coach, open the flaps to find out about the balls and finally enjoy the wonderful pop-up happy ending.

Russell Brand’s Trickster Tales: The Pied Piper of Hamelin

By Russell Brand and Chris Riddell (Published by Canongate Books Ltd, R310) The comedian, actor, and bestselling author delivers a hilarious retelling of an old fairytale favourite that will appeal to adults and children alike.

Dragons at Crumbling Castle

By Terry Pratchett (Published by Doubleday, R129) Dragons have invaded Crumbling Castle, and all of King Arthur’s knights are either on holiday or visiting their grannies. It’s a disaster. This book includes 14 brilliant stories from the master storyteller, full of time travel, tortoises, monsters and mayhem.

Strange but True Senior Editor: Victoria Pyke (Published by Dorling Kindersley, R285) This book is ideal for those curious young minds who are fascinated by our weird and wonderful world. Stuffed full of strange animals, peculiar weather and odd places, the book unravels all these astonishing strange phenomena, through artwork, jaw-dropping illustrations and clear scientific explanations. magazine durban

Guinness World Records 2016 Editor in chief: Craig Glenday (Published by Guinness World Records, R299) This is the latest, fully updated edition of the world’s bestselling annual book. This edition provides a snapshot of the past year in record-breaking, plus a selection of classic superlatives from their archives. The pages are packed with all-new illustrations and hundreds of photos. Find out where the highest concentration of lightning occurs, what the largest bat looks like, who solved the most Rubik’s cubes under water, who climbed the most consecutive stairs on his head, and why Taylor Swift made it onto page 184.

December 2015 / January 2016

17

parenting

the

naked

truth

You may want to protect your child from skin cancer or potential sexual predators, but does covering them up develop an unhealthy body image? And what level of nudity is appropriate in your home? SAMANTHA PAGE

i

t’s the most natural thing in the world.

We come into this world wonderfully and perfectly made – bare of judgment – our primal task being simply to thrive, which is why children are so brilliantly uninhibited. They pick their noses, announce their toilet habits to anyone who’ll listen and often feel inclined to strip off their clothing without batting an eyelid.

“Children between the ages of three and five often enjoy being undressed,” says Dr Paula Elbirt, assistant professor of paediatrics at Mount Sinai Hospital, who adds that it’s normal behaviour. “It feels good to them.”

But at what age does it become inappropriate, and how do parents curb their exhibitionists without destroying their healthy body awareness? Dr Kyle Pruett, a clinical professor of psychology at Yale Child Study Centre, calls nudity – especially in the home – a “hugely sensitive cultural issue” that varies by country, climate and ethnic background. Elbirt notes, for example, that while Americans are shyer about showing body parts than Europeans, people who live in warmer climes are generally more inclined to allow their children to run around naked on the beach or around the swimming pool.

Experts agree that what people regard as appropriate differs from family to family, and while some parents see their child’s

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December 2015 / January 2016

nudity as cute, others are embarrassed and find it inappropriate.

Elbirt notes that children start developing awareness of their naked bodies by four years old. CNN.com recently quoted a study conducted by Common Sense Media that reveals not only are children more aware of their bodies at four or five, but that’s the age at which many start developing negative awareness, thinking themselves fat, ugly and undesirable, not necessarily in a sexual sense, but merely as a criterion for acceptance by their peers.

So, how can parents set age-appropriate boundaries with regards to nudity and encourage healthy body awareness?

“This is a big challenge, as sexualizing of bodies, particularly the female form, is everywhere,” says Fairuz Gaibie, a Cape Town-based clinical psychologist. “Parents should try to focus on the functionality of bodies, such as their strength and speed rather than what they look like, and comment on character, rather than aesthetics; for example, ‘Isn’t that girl kind?’ instead of, ‘Wow, isn’t she a pretty little princess?’ The same can be applied to the way in which we talk about the bodies of boys and girls; for example, ‘Your arms have really gotten strong, haven’t they? I didn’t realise you could carry such heavy bags,’ instead of commenting on the fact that their body looks good in an outfit.” magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

uncovers some perspectives.

As with any aspect of parenting, our children are impressionable and look to their parents to help them form opinions, not just about the world around them, but about themselves. Most parents know that how you talk about your own body and treat your body could negatively impact your children, but many parents interviewed for the Common Sense Media report were surprised that five to eight year olds who think their moms are unhappy with their bodies are more likely to feel dissatisfied with their own.

striped himself in blue paint like a warrior.

In the photograph, he’s proudly strutting in front of the camera. That same little boy is now 15 years old. When I came across the picture the other day and showed it to him, he was mildly horrified. ‘What was I DOING?’ he asked. ‘You were just expressing yourself. You were totally at ease with your body, and not at all selfconscious’, I told him. Unlike now, I could have added. I haven’t seen my boy naked in years. He started to get self-conscious well before puberty set in, and I respected his

Most children start feeling uncomfortable naked around their parents and having their parents naked around them from about eight or nine years old.

“If you complain to your partner about your unhappiness with your body, or inadvertently deflect a compliment from your child regarding your body with, ‘Oh no, Mommy can’t wear clothes like that anymore!’ you are teaching your child, especially your same-sex child, the attitude they should have towards their body. The best investment you can make in your child’s relationship with their body and sexuality is to work on how you feel about your physical self,” concurs Gaibie.

privacy matters Justine*, a Cape Town mom of a now teenage son, says her boy went from exhibitionist to prude in such a short space of time. “I have a picture of my son, aged about four, standing naked by the swimming pool. He had been painting pictures outside in the garden, and had

need for privacy. We are not a particularly ‘prudish’ family, but as he has become more self-conscious, so have I. It’s all part of growing up and creating that separate identity from your parents.”

“The different developmental stages of childhood usually usher in shifts in a child’s attitude to various things, nudity included,” says Gaibie. “Most children start feeling uncomfortable naked around their parents and having their parents naked around them from about eight or nine years old.

Parents need to be sensitive to what children are comfortable with and respect their feelings. Moms and dads also need to encourage children to respect their own feelings by voicing what they are and aren’t comfortable with when others, including their parents, do not appear to have noticed.” *Name has been changed.

four steps to cultivating healthy body awareness and keeping children safe

By Fairuz Gaibie 1. Safety first Parents are faced with the difficult dilemma of wanting to allow their child freedom while still being mindful of the potential for disturbed individuals observing their children naked on the beach. From a safety perspective, it may be advisable to allow a nude frolic through the sprinklers at home in the backyard, rather than on a public beach.

2. Speak up Children should be taught how special their bodies are and that only certain people should get to see them naked or touch them; for example, Mommy at bath time. You should also let them tell you with whom they are comfortable being naked around. From as early as possible, a child should have a choice over who washes and dresses them, depending on what’s realistic.

3. Comfort zone The most important factor guiding nudity in the home is what makes everyone comfortable. A parent may feel it’s important for their child to grow up with adults displaying comfort with their own nudity, but if your pubescent or adolescent child is not comfortable around your nudity, then respect this.

4. Believe in you Paedophiles test the water with children who have a shaky sense of self and do not have the confidence to set boundaries. A child who has a healthy sense of self, due to a strong attachment with his parents and who is assertive enough to voice their autonomy over their body will be an automatic deterrent to sexual predators.

magazine durban

December 2015 / January 2016

19

resource

back to school Whether your child is starting crèche, primary school or high school, CHILD MAGAZINE’s action plan will have them primed for the new year. checkups

   

Teeth Visit the dentist when your child is four or five years old, with regular checkups every six months.

Eyes Get eyes checked when children are between three and five years old, and when they start school. If children have vision problems, eyes should be checked every year or as prescribed. Otherwise, get a checkup every two years.

Worms Deworm children every six months, starting just before they go back to school.

Vaccines Immunisations should be up to date. Check which vaccinations are needed, most being required before children are 18 months old, with boosters needed at six and 12 years old. If any are required, or have been missed, visit a family clinic as soon as possible.

Medication If your child needs to take any medicine to school, check what the school’s policy is on dispensing medicine.



making music If your child is taking music lessons, purchase or hire the necessary instruments or arrange to have access to instruments either at home or outside of school.

Check that instruments are tuned and ready for action. If you use an electronic tuner make sure you have batteries and necessary spare parts.

Do you need to buy sheet music? They might need to take sheet music to lessons.

If necessary, buy a case to transport the instrument.

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December 2015 / January 2016

look the part Hair Book a haircut for your child just before school starts. Girls may not need a haircut, but if they’re starting primary or high school, they’ll need hair bands and clips in regulation colours.

Uniforms Shirts, skirts, trousers and shorts can be purchased in a bigger size, so they last longer. Get at least three of everything. Shoes are best bought just before school starts.

Don’t forget about swimming gear, PE kits, blazers, jerseys, rain jackets, hats, and socks or tights. Just make sure your child needs all of this, especially if they’re starting a new school or phase.

lift club Teach your children the do’s and don’ts of using alternative transport. Explain that they need to respect the driver and adhere to her rules, which should include wearing a seatbelt at all times, not standing when the vehicle is moving, not placing any part of their body outside the windows, not eating or drinking in the vehicle unless you have the driver’s permission, and not fighting with other children.

Meet the driver beforehand. This will help your children feel more at ease and ensure they don’t accept lifts from strangers. Show your children what the vehicle looks like and check that it’s safe. Does it have seatbelts and toddler/ baby car seats or will you need to supply one?

magazine durban

making the call If you’re considering getting your child a cellphone, first find out the school’s policy.

Younger children are probably not allowed phones, while older children will be asked to turn off phones during the day. Your child should be mature enough to use a phone responsibly.

bag it and tag it

school skills

Look for a big, sturdy bag that won’t strain your child’s back. You’ll also need a sports or PE bag, and possibly a library bag. Use your stationery list to shop around for the best prices on pens, books and other equipment, or order online. Also get supplies for covering books.

You can even pack a few extras, like tissues and sunscreen. Look for soft lunchboxes that are easier and lighter to carry. Stock up on plastic tubs, which you can use for sandwiches, fruit and snacks. Get a few juice bottles as well.

Labels Whether you use a marker, or sew-on, iron-on or stick-on labels, put your child’s name on everything that goes to school, including shoes. And make sure labels are waterproof and non-fading. With so many other children using the same clothes, bags and stationery, items are sure to go missing.

Practise everyday activities to help make the school day a little easier.

For crèche, your child should: • Learn your phone number and address by heart.

• Know how to put on their own shoes (tie shoelaces or use the Velcro strap).

• Know how to use the zips, clips and buttons on their bag so they can open and close it if necessary.

• Use their water/juice bottle.

• Be potty trained, if necessary – ensure your childfeels comfortable with putting up their hand to use the bathroom.

PHOTOGRAPH AND ILLUSTRATIONS: shutterstock.com

no false starts Establish a bed time Be firm and get into it in the holidays.

Get prepared the night before School uniform laid out; lunch and school bag packed; remember PE kit and equipment needed on certain days; sign any paperwork for the school.

Get up early Think reasonably about how much time you need to get ready in the morning and then add on extra time.

Plan breakfast Narrow down the options available to your child and have it ready to go.

Eat breakfast before washing, dressing and brushing teeth.

Getting dressed For toddlers and pre-schoolers, limit the choice of outfits to choose from. For your early grader, if you have the time, let them try tying their own shoelaces and buttoning up shirts while you simply supervise.

More on routines Ask your toddler’s soon-to-be crèche for a copy of its daily schedule and try to follow their lunch, play and nap times to help your toddler adjust better when daycare starts. With your primary and high schooler, discuss the expectation of teachers to do more with their time and therefore the importance of getting into a daily revision ritual.

magazine durban

All children should: • Have good manners – greeting elders, saying please and thank you, waiting their turn, sharing with other children.

• Keep track of their things – you want your children to be responsible and come home with all their possessions.

school-life game plan Create and hang a large white board calendar for all school/ extracurricular/playdate activities or other commitments.

It’s helpful having a calendar with a month view at a time.

Have a section running down the side of the board for “important to remember” points.

Have a pin board or magnetic board nearby for all important notices sent from school.

Make the calendar colour-coded (for each child or activity) and try making it visual for children who can’t read yet.

December 2015 / January 2016

21

calendar

what’s on in december and january

You can also access the calendar online at

childmag.co.za

Your guide for what to do, where to go and who to see.

Compiled by TAMLYN VINCENT

4

FUN FOR CHILDREN – p23

ONLY FOR PARENTS – p24

Dinos Alive Take a journey back to the time of dinosaurs and enjoy fun activities along the way.

The Blarney Brothers Experience an evening of Irish song and dance with this legendary band.

bump, baby & tot in tow – p25

how to help – p25

South African Multiple Birth Association Parents of multiples can find emotional support here.

East Coast Radio’s Toy Story with Game Donate new toys or cash to children and families in need.

SPECIAL EVENTS – p23 Puss in Boots This family pantomime adventure is full of jokes, beautiful costumes and sets, and toe-tapping tunes.

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December 2015 / January 2016

magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPHS: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

fri

SPECIAL EVENTS

december 2015 1 tuesday Win your Wishlist with Toys R Us Select your wishlist from the Great Big Toys R Us Toy Book in-store, write it on the postcard, place it in the entry box and stand a chance to win. Closes 10 December. Venue: Toys R Us stores. For more info: toysrus.co.za

3 thursday Uncle Jumbo’s Christmas Show This annual children’s pantomime features superheroes and villains. All proceeds are donated to local charities. Take a gift for your children for Santa to hand to them at the end. Gifts or nonperishable food items can be donated. Time: 6:30pm–8:30pm Monday–Saturday. Venue: Kloof Town Hall, Umzwilili Rd. Cost: R50. Contact: 084 210 1801 or why2002@webmail.co.za

4 friday Books2You Christmas Book Fair Ends 6 December. Time: 8:30am–5pm Friday and Saturday, 8:30am–1pm Sunday. Venue: unit 6 Afriscan Park, 21 Shepstone Rd, New Germany. Cost: free entry. Contact: 031 705 7744 or orders@books2you.co.za Puss in Boots This family pantomime is a swashbuckling adventure. Ends 10 January.

Time: varies. Venue: Elizabeth Sneddon Theatre, UKZN, Glenwood. Cost: R150– R220. Book at computicket.com

9

Matthew Mole

wed

Get into the festive season mood. Time: 8pm. Venue: The Barnyard Theatre, Gateway. Cost: R130. Contact: 031 566 3045, gateway@barnyardtheatres.co.za or barnyardtheatres.co.za

10 thursday Dolphins by Starlight This musical Christmas adventure features a troupe of contemporary dancers, sensational ballet dancers and the Sea World dolphins. Ends 14 December. Time: 7pm. Venue: uShaka Marine World. Cost: R160. Book through computicket.com

Choc giftwrapping at La Lucia Mall Ends 24 December. Time: 9am–5pm.

Venue: La Lucia Mall. Cost: R10 per gift.

Contact: 086 111 2182, dbn@choc.org.za or choc.org.za

january 2016 31 sunday An Evening With Rodriguez The legendary Rodriguez performs your favourite songs.

Time: 8pm. Venue: ICC Durban. Cost: R340– R625. Book through computicket.com

FUN FOR CHILDREN art, culture and science

The Queen Show Recreating Queen’s 1986 World Tour concert, this show features all of the band’s greatest hits. Ends 10 January.

Time: varies. Venue: iZulu Theatre, Sibaya Casino, Umdloti. Cost: R250. Book through computicket.com

13th Annual Affordable Art Show 7–16 December. Time: 9am Monday– Saturday. Venue: ArtSpace Durban, 3 Millar Rd, Stamford Hill. Cost: free entry. Contact: 031 312 0793, info@artspace-durban.com or artspace-durban.com

12 saturday

Christmas Carnival Expect lots of stalls and plenty of fun. Time: 9am–1pm. Venue: Crusaders Sports Grounds, Durban North.

Cost: free entry. Contact: 031 564 6592

Kids’ Holiday Event with Wild Magazine If you’re looking for something fun to do, join an interactive snake and reptile experience, with a platform for touch, sight and sound. Stay afterwards to build a tent in a timed challenge. RSVP essential; specify Durban in the subject line. Time: 10am–12pm. Venue: Cape Union Mart, Pavilion. Cost: free. Contact: wildevents@sanparks.org

The Christmas Play Market A great shopping experience with a puppet show (booking essential), delicious food and music to keep you entertained. The market is postponed to the following Sunday if rain is predicted. Time: 9am–2pm. Venue: Giba Gorge Mountain Bike Park, 110 Stockville Rd, Westmead. Cost: R10 entry fee into Giba Gorge. Contact: 071 307 0823, gotoplaymarket@gmail.com or Facebook: The Christmas Play Market Umhlanga College Christmas Carols For all ages. Time: 5:30pm. Venue: 21 Preston Dr, Umhlanga. Cost: free. Contact: marketing@ucollege.co.za

16 wednesday

11 friday

5 saturday

6 sunday

6 December – Umhlanga College Christmas Carols

15 tuesday The KZN Christmas Market Festival Fun for mom, dad and the children, this market has over 100 stalls, an outdoor festival full of activities, babysitting facilities and more. Ends 19 December. Time: 9am–8pm. Venue: City Hill Church, 9 Greenmeadow Lane, Hillcrest. Cost: free entry. Contact: 083 795 0105, 083 267 2424 or info@kzncmf.co.za

Scrooge

16 December – Choc giftwrapping at La Lucia Mall

Christmas Light up the Night Take chairs, blankets and a picnic and enjoy the gardens, lit up in Christmas fashion.

Children can meet Father Christmas, play on the jumping castle and have their faces painted. Weather permitting. Ends 20 December. Time: 6:30pm–8pm. Venue: CC&A gardens, 1 Old Main Rd, Kloof. Cost: discretionary cash donations for Keep Kloof Beautiful Association. Contact: 031 764 1830 or keepkloofbeautiful.org.za Shongweni Farmer’s and Craft Christmas Market Find delicacies from all over KwaZulu-Natal, Christmas decor, gifts, local crafts, toys and more. There’s live entertainment and activities for children.

Time: 9am–5pm. Venue: lot 457, Mr551, Shongweni. Cost: free entry. Contact: 031 777 1674, info@shongwenimarket.co.za or shongwenimarket.co.za

Ebenezer Scrooge must confront the ghosts of his past, his present and his future. Children can take part in lots of audience interaction.

End date tbc. Time: tbc. Venue: Rhumbelow Theatre, Cunningham Ave, Umbilo. Cost: R60. Book through computicket.com

11 fri

19 saturday

3 December – Uncle Jumbo’s Christmas Show

magazine durban

Father Christmas Choo Choos Take a festive steam train ride. Also 20, 26 and 27 December. Time: 8:30am, 12:30pm and 5pm. Venue: departs from Kloof Station.

Cost: adults R200, children 2–12 years old R140. Contact: 087 808 7715, 082 353 6003 or umgenisteamrailway.co.za December 2015 / January 2016

23

calendar

14 Kings Sports summer camp

mon

Children 4–17 years old have fun, make friends and enjoy sports and activities. Ends 18 December. Time: 8am–4pm. Venue: Curro HCA, 2 Blessing Ninela Rd, Hillcrest. Cost: R175 per day, R675 per week. Contact: 010 500 8582, info@kingssports.co.za or kingssports.co.za

classes, talks and workshops Maths bridging Children starting Grade 8 in 2016 learn algebra and geometry concepts. Time and venue: 7 and 8 December: 3:30pm–5:30pm, Kip McGrath Education Centre Umhlanga, 125 Ridgeton Towers, 6 Aurora Dr; 9 and 10 December: 3pm–5pm, Kip McGrath Education Centre Bluff, 303 Gray’s Inn Rd. Cost: R700. Contact: 031 566 1110, 082 042 2556, admin@kipumhlanga.co.za or kipmcgrath.co.za Study skills course For Grades 5–7 or Grades 8–12. 14, 15, 17 and 18 December.

Time: 9am–1pm. Venue: Kip McGrath Education Centre Umhlanga, 125 Ridgeton Towers, 6 Aurora Drive; or Kip McGrath Education Centre Bluff, 303 Gray’s Inn Rd. Cost: R3 400. Contact: 031 566 1110 or 082 042 2556, admin@kipumhlanga.co.za or kipmcgrath.co.za

family outings Dinos Alive This dinosaur exhibition boasts 25 animatronic animals that roar, blink and even breathe. It’s a dinosaur wonderland filled with fun and activities for children. Ends 10 January. Time: from 9am.

Venue: Suncoast Casino, Beachfront. Cost: R85–R120, family packages R350. Contact: una@expoafrica.co.za or dinosalive.co.za The Dino Expo See lifelike robotic dinosaurs, and enjoy fun activities. Open

daily from 10 December, closed Christmas Day. Ends 17 January. Time: from 10am.

Venue: The Pavilion, Westville. Cost: R95– R120. Book through computicket.com

finding nature and outdoor play Return of the barn swallows See masses of barn swallows gather before roosting. From 8 November. Time: 5pm, 30 minutes before sunset. Venue: viewing site, Mount Moreland. Cost: R10. For more info: barnswallow.co.za

holiday programmes Busyballers holiday clinic There are fun obstacle courses, races, water balloons, a slip and slide, sprinkler and other ageappropriate games for children. Older children can enjoy sports like soccer, hockey, volleyball, rugby and baseball. For children 3–8 years old. Time: 8am–12pm.

Venue: Morningside Sports Club, 14 and 18 December; Mt Edgecombe Country Club, 15 and 17 December. Cost: R130 per morning. Contact: 083 236 0059 or lisa@ busyballers.co.za Computer holiday workshop A fun, interactive workshop where children can learn a variety of computer skills useful for school assignments and projects.

10 and 11 December. Time: 9am–11am.

Venue: 124 Ridgeton Towers, 6 Aurora

Dr, Umhlanga Ridge. Cost: R300.

Contact: 073 966 0983 or umhlanga@ computers4kids.co.za Cooking Kids mini-chef course A three-day fun cooking competition and lesson where children 6–13 years old learn to cook a starter, main and dessert. 9–11 December. Time: 12pm–1:30pm. Venue: Meryl’s School of Cooking, 1 Wingfield Rd, Kloof. Cost: R450 for all lessons. Contact: 031 764 6577 Kiddies’ craft lessons @ Snip It Children 7 years and older try mosaic, scrapbooking, card making and other crafts. Dates vary.

Time: 9am–12pm or 1pm–4pm. Venue: 5 Glenridge Rd, Pinetown. Cost: R120.

Contact: 031 709 1744 or info@snipit.co.za Kids Kitchen holiday classes In each lesson children make one sweet and one savoury item, and the boys and girls receive copies of the recipes. For Grades 000–3.

11, 14, 15, 17 and 18 December. Time: 10am–12pm. Venue: Sunningdale. Cost: R125. Contact: 084 821 6668 or eleanors@ servatech.co.za Lucky Bean’s free holiday activities Make Christmas baubles, salt dough prints, reindeer pots and more. Dates vary; see their Facebook page for the programme.

10 December–8 January. Time: 10am.

Venue: 10 Cadmoor Rd, Assagay. Cost: activities free, entry R20. Contact: 082 216 3892 or Facebook: Lucky Bean RSPA summer theatre camp Get your teens into the bush and onto the stage.

For Grades 7–12. 4–10 January. Time: 9am–1pm. Venue: Hella Hella Outdoor Centre. Cost: R3 000. Contact: 083 326 3257, gill@rspa.co.za or rspa.co.za Sugar Bay holiday camp Join Hollywood week (5–11 December), Minion week (11–17 December), Doughnut week (17–23 December) or Thailand week (27 December–3 January). For children 7–17 years old. Time: drop off 3pm, pick up 8am–9am. Venue: 21 Nkwazi Dr, Zinkwazi Beach. Cost: new camper R5 999, discounts available. Contact: 032 485 3778, holidays@ sugarbay.co.za or sugarbay.co.za Tots n Pots holiday club Children cook, bake and enjoy craft activities. 10–22 December. Time: tbc. Venue: 2 Silver Oak Ave, Mount Edgecombe. Cost R120–R150.

Contact: SMS 072 628 8642 or charlotte@ totsnpots.com

of dinosaurs, where an Apatosaurus named Arlo makes a human friend. This animated film opens 31 December in cinemas nationwide. Visit: numetro.co.za or sterkinekor.com

playtime and story time Children’s story time For ages 3–8 years. Time: 10am every Saturday. Venue: The Book Boutique, 26 Rockview Rd, Amanzimtoti. Cost: free. Contact: 031 903 6692 or thebookboutique@gmail.com

sport and physical activities Learn to Swim programme Beginners get a feel for the water in an intensive fiveday teaching programme. For children 30 months and older. 7–11 December.

Time: from 12:30pm, lessons are 30 minutes. Venue: Gordon Rd, Morningside and Glenashley. Cost: R450. Contact: 074 155 9915 or flyingfishswimschool.dbn@ gmail.com

only for parents classes, talks and workshops Domestic workers cooking courses This four-week cooking course covers tasty family meals, lunchbox snacks and more, along with hygiene, basic nutrition awareness, time management and menu planning. Begins 26 January.

Time: 8:30am–11am every Tuesday. Venue: Meryl’s School of Cooking, 1 Wingfield Rd, Kloof. Cost: R1 100. Contact: 031 764 6577, meryl@merylschoolofcooking.co.za or merylschoolofcooking.co.za

on stage and screen Mandela, My Dad and Me In 2013, actor Idris Elba produced and released an album inspired by his time researching and portraying Nelson Mandela. Just before Elba left to record the album in South Africa, his father passed away. This show documents Elba’s struggle to produce his first album, and his emotional quest to pay his respects to two inspirational men.

6 December. Time: 8:30pm. Venue: History, DStv Channel 186. For more info: dstv.com The Blarney Brothers Have a great big, foot-stomping, sing-along party.

21 December. Time: 8pm, doors open

markets Essenwood Market With entertainment for children. Time: 9am–2pm every Saturday. Venue: Steven Dlamini Rd, Essenwood. Cost: free entry. Contact: 031 208 1264, info@essenwoodmarket.com or essenwoodmarket.com I heart market This market showcases innovative, handmade and locally designed goods, and more. 5, 12 and 19 December.

Time: 9am–2pm. Venue: Moses Mabhida Stadium, Isaiah Ntshangase Rd. Cost: free entry. Contact: info@iheartmkt.com or Facebook: I Heart Market

on stage and screen 4–10 January – RSPA summer theatre camp

24

December 2015 / January 2016

The Good Dinosaur What would happen if an asteroid never hit earth and dinosaurs weren’t extinct? Journey into the world

6 December – Mandela, My Dad and Me

magazine durban

varies. Venue: Glenwood. Cost: varies.

Contact: 071 968 1007 or durban@ edubabe.co.za Pre- and postnatal yoga Time and venue: moms and babies 9am Tuesday, preggie yoga 4:45pm Tuesday and Thursday, Hillcrest and Assagay; postnatal yoga 8am Friday, Assagay. Cost: R280 per month. Contact: 073 351 6824 or kirsty@ blissfulbellies.co.za

6:30pm. Venue: The Barnyard Theatre, Gateway. Cost: R120. Contact: 031 566 3045, gateway@barnyardtheatres.co.za or barnyardtheatres.co.za

out and about Wickedly Odd: The Night Garden This innovative dining and entertainment experience includes a whimsical walk through the gardens and a delectable dinner, hosted by Beauty Ramapelepele.

Corporate bookings available. 28 November and 5 December. Time: 6pm.

Venue: Durban Botanic Gardens, Berea.

Cost: public bookings R695. Book through computicket.com

Toughlove SA – family support groups

support groups Sadag For those suffering from depression or drug abuse or who may be suicidal. For more information or referral to a support group: sadag.org Toughlove SA – family support groups They assist the family and loved ones around the “problem” person and specialise in offering advice on dealing with behaviour problems often related to addiction. They run on a donation basis but ask for an annual fee of R180, with a weekly donation of R20 per meeting attended. Contact: 0861 868 445, info@ toughlove.org.za or toughlove.org.za

bump, baby & Tot in tow

classes, talks and workshops 28 November and 5 December – Wickedly Odd: The Night Garden

Edubabe Childminder training, first-aid workshops and cooking classes. Time:

playtime and story time Shongololo Shakers Music, puppet and movement classes for children 0–4 years old. Time: varies. Venue: Durban North and Winston Park. Cost: varies. Contact: 060 350 7323, 083 893 5155, info@shongololoshakers.co.za or shongololoshakers.co.za

support groups South African Multiple Birth Association Emotional support for parents of multiples. Attend seminars and teas in your area. Contact: marionsmith@ telkomsa.net or samultiplebirth.co.za

how to help East Coast Radio’s Toy Story with Game Donate new toys for children in government hospitals, children’s homes and orphanages, or donate cash for a food parcel. The campaign ends 15 December.

Donate a new toy or make a cash donation at your nearest Game store or visit ecr.co.za Toys R Us Gift of Play Customers are encouraged to buy a present for a child from a charity selected by the store. Available at select Toys R Us stores until 15 December.

For more info: toysrus.co.za Umgeni Community Empowerment Centre This NPO caters for the social wellbeing of the community and creates awareness on substance misuse, process addictions, HIV/Aids, youth delinquency, violence, child development needs, and the impact of unemployment, prostitution and trafficking in persons. They need financial sponsorship to carry out their eight-step programme. Contact: 073 114 8969 or gloria@ucec.org.za

don’t miss out!

For a free listing, email your event to durban@childmag.co.za. Information must be received by 5 January for the February issue, and must include all relevant details. No guarantee can be given that it will be published. To post an event online, visit childmag.co.za

next month in it’s our back-to-school issue on street 21 january

we look at… when to wean onto solids PLUS: wonderful weaning food asking the right questions at school open days what stresses children most about school fabulous family-friendly things to do in february

plus Learn, play, explore

choosing the right extramural for your child

To advertise call: (031) 209 2200 or email: dbnsales@childmag.co.za | Booking deadline: 5 January | Material deadline: 7 January magazine durban

December 2015 / January 2016

25

finishing touch

desperate measures ANÉL LEWIS resorts to a clandestine yet shrewd solution to her son’s toilet aversion.

t

here’s so much that endears my son, Conor, to me. I love that he’s worried about me going running in the early mornings because it’s too dark. “Mom, you can’t run. Your lamp is flat and the other runners will squash you.” I’m touched that he will gently pat my hair while I’m folded over like an origami bird as I’m trying to tie his shoelaces in the morning. And I do look forward to hearing his versions of the songs he’s learnt at school. Refrains of “See-saw, marry the door” always make me smile.

But, I really wish my boy – all 25kg of him – would now get with the programme and see the benefits of ditching the nappies.

It’s now at the stage when I’m going to have to start buying adult incontinence nappies to stem the tide because he’s just

too big to wear anything else. I was warned that boys are lazy when it comes to the whole ablution rigmarole. But this is getting ridiculous. It’s been more than three years! I think my frustration has been compounded by the addition of the two kittens to the Lewis household. So now, it’s not just Conor and his errant bowels that I have to contend with. I have two bundles of fur who behave like teenagers at a foam party when they get into their cat litter box. The scullery was so full of wee-drenched sand granules one morning that it looked as if someone had set off an explosion in the Scratch Patch.

The low-point came a few weeks ago when I noticed a rather pungent odour coming from the shoes in my cupboard.

It seems the kittens had found a new spot

Erin, Anél and Conor

for their morning routine – in my soft, faux leopard-print slippers. I only discovered the source of the smell when I picked up the slippers and realised that the ball in my hand was not a pom-pom. The joy of pottytraining three creatures knows no bounds.

I then decided that I could make this whole cat/toddler/toilet triad work for me.

All I needed to do was get Conor in on the “eeew” factor when one of the kittens veered from the kitty litter. I snuck a pair of Conor’s shoes into my cupboard and waited. A few days later Conor came to me with his face screwed up in revulsion.

“The kitten has made a mess in my shoe, Mom.” “Disgusting,” I retorted. He nodded his head in agreement as he watched

me scrape clean his shoe. Within a few minutes, I felt a tug on my sleeve and heard a small voice saying, “Mom, I need to go to the toilet.”

It was as if a choir of angels had burst into song when I heard the loo flush.

In fact, I almost ululated. We’re not quite out of nappies yet when it comes to the more demanding loo visits, or at night, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. If only I could say the same for the kittens and my shoes…

Anél Lewis now has to scrub her cupboard twice a week while she looks into nappy options for incontinent kittens.

family marketplace

it’s party time For more help planning your child’s party visit

childmag.co.za/resources/birthday-parties

26

December 2015 / January 2016

magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPH: Susie Leblond Photography

It involves kittens and shoes.

book extract

food for

superheroes

In their book Raising Superheroes,

yoghurt and raspberry-ripple ice-cream pots

TIM NOAKES, JONNO PROUDFOOT and

Makes 6 frozen pots

BRIDGET SURTEES offer delicious recipes to

ingredients • 6 x 100g sugar-free vanilla-flavoured yoghurt (ideally full-cream) • 160g fresh raspberries, blended

give our children the best nutrition possible.

method Remove the foil from all six yoghurt tubs.

1

super beef burgers

method In a bowl, mix together the burger Makes 4 big burgers patty ingredients, except the butter, using your hands.

There are few meals more satisfying Heat a little butter in a frying pan than a juicy, delicious, freshly made and fry off a teaspoon of the hamburger – another reason why mixture. Taste it for seasoning. commercial burger patties should be Add a little more salt and pepper banned for all eternity. If you have a if necessary. good relationship with your butcher, Shape the prepared mince into order your mince with 20% pork; 4 generous burger patties. Expect it’ll just melt in your mouth. them to thicken as they cook, so make them a little thinner than ingredients | burger patties the end size you want.

• 800g best-quality beef mince Heat the butter in a frying pan and • 1 onion, finely chopped fry the patties for about 4 minutes • 2 tbsp barbeque spice per side. Make sure they are dark • 10g chopped parsley and golden. Lay the bacon and • 2 eggs cheese over each patty and place • salt and pepper a lid over the pan for a minute.

• 3 tablespoons butter, This will heat the bacon through for frying and melt the cheese.

While the patties are cooking, ingredients | burger construct your burgers. Start • 8 pieces crispy bacon with lettuce, tomato, gherkin • 4 thick slices of cheddar and sliced onion, layered with • 4 pieces of lettuce homemade ketchup and mayo.

• 2 tomatoes, sliced Top the pile with the cheesy beef • 4 gherkins, sliced patty and any other toppings that • 1 red onion, halved and thinly sliced take your fancy. Finish off with • homemade mayo and ketchup the top of the burger bun, then • a little butter for the rolls prepare for burger bliss.

• 4 sesame burger buns, halved

Blend the raspberries and spoon them into the yoghurt tubs to fill them to the top.

Stick a wooden sucker stick into each yoghurt pot and freeze overnight.

Remove from the pots and serve.

1 2 3

4

PHOTOGRAPHS: Toby Murphy / ILLUSTRATIONS: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

2 3 4

5

about the book Following

the

record-breaking

success of The Real Meal Revolution, Tim Noakes and the Real Meal Team have now set out to rethink the way we feed our children. The result, Raising

Superheroes

(published

by the Real Meal Revolution) by Tim Noakes, Jonno Proudfoot and Bridget Surtees, is not a Banting cookbook and it doesn’t offer no-carb eating for children. But it does challenge ingrained dietary beliefs, advocating a low-sugar, low-refined-carb

food

lifestyle.

The delicious recipes in Raising Superheroes give our children the best nutrition possible. Available from all good bookstores for R330.