Child magazine | DBN July 2015

D U R B A N ’ S

b e s t

g u i d e

f o r

p a r e n t s

exploring

the emotional life of boys banish boredom

games for indoor and outdoor fun

dressing dilemmas

fussy, fickle and fashion conscious

the

bumper holiday take your family on a road trip

www.childmag.co.za

July 2015

free

issue

the positive side of single parenting creating the ideal baby sleep environment is parenting killing your marriage?

health

education

entertainment

Hunter House P U B L I S H I N G

Publisher Lisa Mc Namara • lisa@childmag.co.za

this month we are taking you all on holiday

Editorial Managing Editor Marina Zietsman • marina@childmag.co.za Features Editor Marc de Chazal • features@childmag.co.za Resource Editor Tamlyn Vincent • durban@childmag.co.za Editorial Assistant Lucille Kemp • capetown@childmag.co.za Copy Editor Debbie Hathway

We have filled our pages with

inspiration, banishing boredom with

indoor and outdoor

for your children to play on their own, with

games

friends or the whole family (page 12). We’ve abandoned routine and headed out of town for an historical road trip with

educational detours (page

20). If Ralph Waldo Emerson is to be trusted, it is a “happy talent to know how to play”, so we’ve packed our What’s On in July section (page 21) with

wonderful ways to fill your days. And because the real joy of cooking

Art Designers Nikki-leigh Piper • studio@childmag.co.za Mark Vincer • studio3@childmag.co.za Louise Topping • studio@childmag.co.za

is in the preparing and sharing of delicious “food for your brood” (page 17), we’ve made life a little easier with recipes for simple snacks and suppers, which you can trust to turn out winning

Advertising

winter warmers. On the

nights Eskom turns out the lights, find a book in our bookcase (page 27),

Lisa Mc Namara • lisa@childmag.co.za

Client Relations

crank up the LEDs and let the

Renee Bruning • dbnsales@childmag.co.za

simple pleasure of a good story

entertain your family for a quiet night in…

Subscriptions and Circulation Nicolene Baldy • subs@childmag.co.za

PUBLISHER’S PHOTOGRAPH: BROOKE FASANI

Accounts Nicolene Baldy • admin@childmag.co.za Tel: 021 465 6093 • Fax: 021 462 2680

Lisa Mc Namara, Publisher

Child magazine Online

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July 2015

3

contents july 2015

18 3 a note from lisa

regulars

6 over to you readers respond

7 pregnancy news – second baby blues Catherine Goldfain shares her

features

experience of when she was expecting baby number two

9 boys don’t cry we should nurture healthy emotions in boys, says Jocelyn Warrington

12 challenge accepted Tamlyn Vincent gives you ideas for indoor and outdoor educational, home-made games

14 is parenting ruining marriage? raising children can strain your relationship with your partner.

Samantha Page investigates

16 flying solo why being a single mom works for Jocelyn Warrington and her daughter

17 comforting crowd-pleasers mouth-watering dishes to share with family and friends from Sam Gates’ new book, Food for your Brood

18 dressing without drama Anél Lewis gives tips for when getting dressed in the morning turns the bedroom into a battlefield

8 best for baby – tula tu, tula baba how to create the ideal sleep environment for your baby.

By Marina Zietsman

10 dealing with difference – when words get stuck childhood apraxia can seriously affect a child’s development, writes Glynis Horning

20 resource – discover eshowe take the family on a road trip to this historical town. Compiled by Tamlyn Vincent

21 what’s on in july 26 finishing touch when art projects loom, Anél Lewis wants to run a mile

27 a good read for the whole family

classified ads 25 let’s party 26 family marketplace

this month’s cover images are supplied by:

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July 2015

Joburg

Cape Town

Durban

Pretoria

EARTHCHILD Clothing earthchild.co.za

EARTHCHILD Clothing earthchild.co.za

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Cotton On Kids cottonon.co.za

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feature

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July 2015

5

letters

over to you overcoming dyslexia I have a 15-year-old daughter who has ADD and have been on the same roller-coaster ride as the letter writer’s child in “overcoming dyslexia” (May 2015). When she was in Grade 3, I applied for her to go to a government remedial school, as this was all I could afford as a widow. In Grade 6 I moved her to a small private school, as the other remedial school had no space. She was unhappy, but decided to give it a try. After a year, I took her back to the primary school where she previously was and she returned to her happy self. In Grade 8, she was finally accepted to the government remedial school after years of begging and pleading. The problem was, she had already spent a term in her new high school and just loved it. She had made some lovely new friends too, which is a problem ADD children struggle with. When she was accepted to the remedial school, I thought my prayers had been answered; however, this was when the nightmare began. My daughter was so miserable. She made no friends and hated school and as a result, life. Things at home were extremely tense, Follow us on twitter.com/ChildMag, facebook.com/childmag.co.za and pinterest.com/childmagazine

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July 2015

Let us know what’s on your mind. Send your letters or comments to marina@childmag.co.za or PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010.

so I went back to the previous high school, and told them what we were experiencing. The principal was so accommodating and emphasised how important it is to have an emotionally stable and happy child and that she was welcome back. She has been back for just over a year and is in such a good space. She even won the prize for commitment and determination at prize-giving at the end of last year. The funny thing is her marks weren’t much better at the remedial school. She is given extra time for her exams and so far she has passed every year. I am extremely grateful to the school and the principal for giving her another chance to be happy.

Vanessa Viljoen

thanks The latest copy of Child magazine has just landed on my desk. Thanks very much for the article on blood donation. What a well-written article. I’m sure we’ll get more people visiting our donor centres and phoning us to find out where they can go and donate blood.

Sifiso Khoza, Regional Marketing Manager (SANBS)

online comments in response to “dads and daughters” Dads are so important in children’s lives. Being a mother of two girls, I see every day how they miss their father, who has chosen to be absent since we ended our relationship six months ago. I have tried so many times to make him be part of the girls’ lives, but he comes up with excuses all the time. It pains me that he is behaving this way and my girls are suffering in the process.

Anonymous

on twitter This is really an awesome magazine for all parents – full of children’s events and fun family moments. Love it.

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pregnancy news

e second baby

PHOTOGRAPH: shutterstock.com

blues Being pregnant with baby number two can actually be more of a roller coaster than the first time round, discovers CATHERINE GOLDFAIN.

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verything about my first pregnancy was perfect: from the romance surrounding our “shotgun” wedding, through to long lunches with my husband, en route back from each check-up. I dedicated hours to preparing our baby’s room, ooh-ed and aah-ed over bonnets and booties – and lazed by the poolside like a beached whale. In my (abundant) spare time, I trawled websites to unveil the mysteries of childbirth.

Fast-track to round two and you’d see me and my belly heaving a full trolley (complete with wailing toddler) around the supermarket. Ravenous, I’d scavenge for halfeaten, gob-sodden rice cakes, stuffed into my overfilled handbag-slash-nappy-bag. I prayed my bladder would hold out beyond the till.

My method of avoiding meltdowns was to placate my son with a banana at the start of our “journey”, the remnants of which were smeared all over the trolley by the end of it. With toddler and trolley in tow, I was then free to go and throw up in the public toilets.

A second pregnancy is not for sissies. And the smaller the age gap, the bigger the reality check. In my case, the 21-month gap meant there was no “preparing” my first born for the reality of a sibling. He was simply too young to understand. Try explaining to a barely babbling 18-monthold why dive-bombing Mom’s belly is a no-no.

I puzzled over how I was going to split my attention once the new baby came along. Would my first born ever accept another member of the family? I dreaded that initial separation during the birth – and wondered how he’d survive the “abandonment”. I felt like a traitor, with him blissfully unaware of how his life was about to change.

Apart from battling terrible nausea and heartburn (which I never experienced first time round), the full-time effort of entertaining an active toddler while squeezing in some freelance work was enough to finish me off. As for naps – there was no chance!

Support was tough to find. My husband thought “she knows the drill” and I felt very alone. We’d just started feeling like a family unit – and I mourned the potential loss of that closeness. The financial implications of a second child also weighed heavily on us both.

On the flip side, there was great comfort in knowing what to expect. The labour and birth went off without a hitch, mainly because I’d been there before. And Damien (5) and Alabama (3) are now best of friends.

Despite some initial jealousy issues from big brother, our family is closer than ever – and there is more than enough love and attention to go around. As for the money?

Not so much! Your second pregnancy can feel like a roller coaster sometimes, but be warned: it’s after the birth that the real circus comes to town.

second pregnancy tips • Spend time with your first born, because things will never be the same again.

• Join online forums to get support from other moms and share experiences.

• Buy a gift for the older sibling, which baby can “give” to them in hospital.

July 2015

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best for baby

snuggle up Meg Faure, co-author of Sleep Sense and Baby Sense (Metz Press), says bedding for a newborn up to the age of one year old should ideally only consist of a sleeping bag (winter and summer).

“Pillows, blankets and cot bumpers are all hazards for suffocation,” says Faure.

But you can have a very small comforting blanket or cloth in the cot. Children get pillows when they move into their own big bed (from the age of three) and this includes toys and comfort blankets. Faure adds that babies under one year old need a firm mattress. “And always buy a new mattress – don’t pass mattresses on to the next generation.” You should also use 100% cotton for bedding and sleepwear as it controls temperature better than other materials. Faure reminds us that newborns are used to the smell of their moms. For comfort you can put your T-shirt or another piece of clothing close to the cot.

lights out Bright lights are a signal for the body to wake up, while dim lights signal that we should

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July 2015

tula tu, tula baba Many things can affect a baby’s quality of sleep, including environmental factors.

MARINA ZIETSMAN finds out how to create the ideal sleep setting for your baby.

hot and cold Researchers still struggle to come up with the exact temperature that people sleep best in, but it is true that when you sleep, your body temperature cools down, and if the room is too hot, your body has to work harder to cool down, which may result in you struggling to sleep. Infants should not be overheated as it increases the risk of Sids. “Whatever you do, try and keep temperature between 18°C and 22°C,” advises Faure. “In South Africa, it’s not always easy, so if it’s too hot, let your baby sleep in a vest.”

no peep

sleep. The moment the body realises it’s time to sleep, it starts producing melatonin, a calming hormone. If there is too much light, little or no melatonin is produced.

Even televisions, laptops, smartphones, and tablets can inhibit the production of melatonin. Faure suggests that a baby should sleep in complete darkness. “Night

lights should only be used for babies from the age of 18 months. This is when children develop their imagination and nightmares come into the equation,” she says. If you have to use a light during the night for feeding or a nappy change, keep the light as dim as possible, or switch on a light in another room, for some visibility.

Your baby is used to the noise he heard in your womb, so complete silence is actually abnormal. In her best-selling book Your Baby and Child (Dorling Kindersley Limited), Penelope Leach writes: “A sleeping baby need not mean a hushed household. If everybody creeps about and talks in whispers while he is asleep, there may come a time when he cannot sleep unless they do. It is therefore important to let him sleep through whatever sound level is normal for your household.” Faure suggests a lullaby before bedtime to create a pre-sleep signal, and to create white noise at night. You can buy an app that creates this or turn the radio to soft static.

magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

t

he principle of sleep for newborns is sleep safety, and for babies from one year old it’s sleep comfort. Here are some tips to ensure a good night’s sleep for all.

parenting

boys don’t cry …or do they but we pretend otherwise? JOCELYN WARRINGTON explains why it’s high time we speak up for the emotional needs of boys.

f

lick through newspapers and magazines and you’ll find plenty of stories about the problems girls face in childhood and their teens – early sexualisation, pressure to conform to unhealthy stereotypes, depression, anorexia and self-harm – but you’ll find little about boys. It’s as though an assumption has taken hold that boys don’t need or deserve our concern and help.

The reality is quite the opposite.

Boys need our attention now more than ever. According to Anne McDonald, an educational psychologist and counsellor at a prominent boys’ prep school in Cape Town, “Boys exist in a highly competitive world and the jostle for a place in their social milieu can lead to feelings of pain and rejection. The wounding that can develop from this often doesn’t have the opportunity to be exposed or acknowledged and therefore ‘healing’ involves the formation of hardened scars.”

Joburg-based educational psychologist Christelle du Plessis agrees. “Boys today have it tough. The demands on them are enormous and they get it from all sides: by parents and teachers they’re pressured to perform both academically and on the sports field; and by their peers they’re required to find their place in the pecking order. And they’re expected to ‘man up’ to these challenges, not run away, or cry, or do anything else deemed similarly ‘wimpish’.”

Add to this the pressure that huge social changes in the last 50 or so years have piled onto boys. In the 60s, boys were highly valued.

Unskilled labour was still plentiful and it demanded a man’s superior physical strength, as had the Second World War, which had ended only 15 years before – another compelling reason to respect and revere men. But fastforward a couple of generations and the perceived value of boys has plummeted as manual jobs have disappeared to be replaced in a knowledge-based economy by roles that require the “soft skills” of empathy and communication – skills at which females excel. Boys are having to do it the girls’ way, or face lagging seriously behind.

Not only is there the argument that male interests have been squeezed out in the rush to right historic injustices against women, but there exists, too, a profound ignorance of the way in which boys develop. The prevailing wisdom that boys don’t experience strong emotions only recently came under fire by experts in the field of child development. “If we look at the emotional development of children, we see that boys and girls are actually on a par as preschoolers in what is developmentally expected,” notes Du Plessis. “The so-called terrible twos, when children, frustrated at their inability to express their needs, resort to tantrums, are as applicable to boys as they are to girls. As boys grow up, however, they become aware of the different expectations set out for them by their parents, their teachers, their peers (both male and female),

boys to men

and society in general, and they adapt accordingly. Sure, there are basic behavioural differences between boys and girls, but these are overtly exaggerated by our gendered culture. And the accepted notion is that boys must be tough, brave, and unemotional, or else risk being labelled a sissy.”

When they reach adolescence, boys are wellconditioned to keep their feelings to themselves, asserts Du Plessis. “No longer trusting the validity of his emotions, a boy will deny himself his feelings altogether, and may turn to drugs or alcohol in an attempt to numb his inner pain and escape his emotions,” she explains, adding that such boys are at risk of low self-esteem, depression,

While she admits that there is no doubt that commonly held ideas of hegemonic masculinity contribute towards boys burying their emotions, Anne McDonald refuses to believe this is an inevitable, hardwired response. “Boys can – and often are – open to exploring their emotional lives,” she says, “but their environments need to facilitate this. Parents and schools have to encourage boys to express and identify their emotions, understand where they come from, and then develop constructive ways to deal with them. By so doing, boys will develop the emotional intelligence needed to help them cope with life’s pressures.”

Cunningham-Scholtz adds: “Emotional intelligence also means being able to understand the feelings and perspectives of others and thus develop empathy. This helps in the formation of healthy relationships, both in childhood and later in life. Research – and my own experience – also shows that emotionally intelligent boys are more resilient and better able to cope with the bravado of a testosteronefuelled environment. They develop the crucial capacity to identify when to stand up for themselves and when to let things go.”

Parents can help sons develop emotional intelligence by giving voice to their feelings, says Cunningham-Scholtz.

“Saying things like, ‘I can see you’re getting frustrated…’, ‘I know you get angry when…’, ‘That must have really hurt your feelings to make you cry like that…’ will help a child create a vocabulary for expressing his feelings.”

Scolari points out that parents should also model appropriate ways of dealing with feelings: “If you bottle up your own feelings and don’t talk about what is bothering you, your child will learn that this is an appropriate way to deal with emotions, and do exactly the same.”

She also encourages parents not to be afraid of negative emotions. “We are sometimes so alarmed when our children express negative emotions, such as distress, sadness or anxiety, that our immediate reaction is to try to make it all better. Instead, it’s important that we remind ourselves that negative emotions are an excellent – albeit often painful – way to learn crucial coping and problemsolving skills, resourcefulness and an awareness of one’s own emotional triggers.”

“Parents must remember that they are raising their sons to be future husbands and fathers,” adds Du Plessis. “You want your son to be kind, caring and loving. You want him to be in a happy, fulfilling and enduring relationship one day.

To do this, you need to raise a compassionate man who is able to put himself into the shoes of others, and who can communicate effectively with his wife and children. In the words of the late Walter Schirra, an American astronaut and surely the ultimate ‘manly’ man: ‘You don’t raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they’ll turn out to be heroes, even if it’s just in your own eyes’.”

The accepted notion is that boys must be tough, brave,

PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

and unemotional, or else risk being labelled a sissy.

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anger issues, anxiety disorders and even suicide. “We see more and more boys, for instance, suffering from anorexia, bulimia and self-harm – the age-old girls’ disorders.”

Durban-based educational psychologist Anwen Cunningham-Scholtz echoes Du Plessis’ findings: “Boys who are unable to ‘own’ their feelings by way of expressing, managing and processing them, often have very chaotic inner lives,” she says. “As a result, they are like emotional ‘pressure cookers’, susceptible to overreacting to seemingly trivial things which, in effect, trigger a well of suppressed emotions.”

According to Cristine Scolari, a clinical psychologist from Joburg, boys who have not learnt – or been allowed – to articulate their emotions also tend to lump all their negative feelings under the umbrella of anger. “It is generally more socially acceptable for a boy to show anger than to admit that he is scared,” says Scolari. “Anger, then, becomes a front for everything from sadness and fear to loneliness and disappointment.”

“The irony,” points out Cunningham-Scholtz, “is that while the mother, however unintentionally, encourages her son to bury his feelings, she simultaneously complains that her husband is emotionally unavailable to her.”

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dealing with difference

when words get stuck Childhood apraxia of speech is a little-understood condition that can seriously affect a child’s ability to communicate and develop. Learn to spot it and start therapy early. By GLYNIS HORNING defining the problem

There’s currently no convincing research showing that medications, vitamins or other supplements improve speech in children who have CAS. That paediatrician ruled out what Deidre learnt later is a common early misdiagnosis for her son’s condition, and advised speech therapy. But her son would not allow the therapist to touch his face to help him form sounds (“another clue,” she sighs), and referred him to a psychologist, who finally diagnosed the problem: childhood apraxia of speech (CAS). Like most parents, Deirdre had never heard of CAS. But in the three years since, it has become an intimate part of her life, as she’s wrestled with this perplexing, under-researched condition – and started raising awareness and lobbying government for educational support.

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July 2015

sound solutions CAS is a chronic condition requiring early and intensive intervention. There’s currently no convincing research showing that medications, vitamins or other supplements improve speech in children who have it, says De Vos. Treatment focuses on speech therapy, usually combined with occupational therapy. Exercises often include teaching the child how to produce individual sounds and speech of gradually increasing complexity, working with rhymes and melodies, and using multisensory approaches, such as the therapist touching the child’s face and teaching the child to watch and imitate oral movements, says Shaw-Ridley.

“It’s always advisable to have a team of health practitioners working with your child,” says Dr Athena Pedro, a research psychologist lecturing at the University of the Western Cape, who has a six-year-old son with apraxia.

common symptoms of CAS • • • • • •

ifficulty putting sounds, syllables or words together in the right order D Difficulty saying long and complex words Repeatedly attempting to pronounce words Visibly struggling to form words (groping movements with lips and tongue) Saying a word or sound correctly one moment but not the next Using wrong stresses or inflections (“BUH-na-nuh” for “buh-NA-nuh”) or giving equal stress to all syllables (“BUH-NA-NUH”) • Separating syllables (“buh…na…nuh”) • Distorting vowel sounds • Omitting consonants at the start and end of syllables and in consonant blends (“gr”, “st”) • Increased sound errors as the length of utterances increases • Comprehension is much stronger than verbal expression • Difficulty imitating the speech of others Diagnosis is made on the pattern of sound errors and symptoms including a number of the above, says Gill ShawRidley. “There are a few formal tests available, such as the Kaufman Speech Praxis Test for Children, which may aid diagnosis.”

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PHOTOGRAPH: shutterstock.com

a

t two and a half, Evan Warner was a happy, healthy toddler. That he could say only a few words “and not very well” did not alarm his mother, Cape Town management accountant Deidre Warner. “His older sister was chattering away by that age, but we’re told children are individuals and boys start talking later.”

A bout of bronchitis changed her world. It was Sunday, and a paediatrician at her local hospital sorted out Evan’s chest infection then casually remarked: “Your son can’t talk. Has anyone told you he’s autistic?”

“I nearly fell off my chair!” Deidre says. “I cried for a week until I could get to see another paediatrician.”

Evan’s roundabout route to diagnosis is typical for CAS children, and the cost can be high – not just in frustration and worry for parents, but in the delay it brings in beginning therapy, says Joburg neurodevelopmental paediatrician Dr Gillian de Vos. Apraxia or dyspraxia (milder apraxia) is still a poorly understood neurological disorder – sufferers find it difficult or impossible to make certain movements, although their muscles are normal. With apraxia of speech, they struggle to move their lips, tongue and jaw muscles to form words.

The problem is in the brain, which is unable to plan and tell these muscles how to move to produce the necessary sounds, explains De Vos. The diagnosis of CAS is compounded when, as is often the case, a child has additional related problems. Deidre, for example, learnt that Evan also has hypersensitivity – the reason he flinched from the speech therapist’s touch.

The cause of CAS is rarely clear, and can be associated with a range of brain or neurological conditions, brain injury, or a genetic disorder, syndrome or metabolic condition, De Vos says. “It is more common, for instance, in children with autism.”

Like many speech and language disorders, signs of CAS include little or no babbling from seven to 12 months, late first words (after 12 to 18 months), limited use of consonants and vowels, frequent omission of sounds, difficulty with certain classes of sounds, and difficulty

understanding the child’s speech, says Joburg speechlanguage therapist Gillian Shaw-Ridley.

But for a diagnosis of CAS, more specific signs are also needed (see “common symptoms of CAS”). Assessment must be made by a paediatric neurologist, child psychologist or speech-language therapist experienced in diagnosing CAS to rule out other possible causes – including autism (where the child battles to interact), a receptive language impairment (where they battle to understand language), or low oral motor tone resulting in muscle weakness.

Pedro is researching apraxia, special needs and education, and working with parents of children with apraxia, using an individualised programme focusing on age-appropriate developmental milestones. “It’s important that speech, occupational and behavioural therapists, psychologists and even educators work together,” she says.

It’s always advisable to have a team of health practitioners working with your child.

In addition, some therapists advocate teaching children alternative communication methods, such as sign language, using pictures, or using electronic devices like tablets to produce words and sentences – “various apps are available,” says Shaw-Ridley. There are also audio programmes, some using filtered music to stimulate certain areas of the brain. “If one of these is used, it should be made very clear why it’s being used for a specific child,” she says.

“Parents sometimes feel that using alternative communication systems may inhibit the development of language,” says De Vos. “But it can be very useful in encouraging communication and decreasing negative behaviour due to frustration when the child is not understood.”

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Deidre and other mothers report the best progress from a combination of speech and occupational therapy.

“Evan’s been doing both,” Deidre says. “The therapists also taught the wonderful caregivers at his mainstream crèche how to help him, and he’s speaking and reading much better.” This year he turned five and joined a special Grade R class for CAS children, begun recently at the Tygerberg Hospital School.

Deidre’s concern, and that of most parents, is for her child’s future. “After Grade R, then what? Most of these children aren’t fully mainstream, but they also aren’t properly special needs.”

“CAS occurs on a continuum, and depending on the severity, and the progress the child makes, some may later go to a special needs school, a remedial school, or occasionally a mainstream school (with support),” says Shaw-Ridley. There are a few specialised schools that assist children with communication and related developmental difficulties including CAS, she adds, but not enough.

Pedro is currently researching inclusive education at schools in Cape Town, and she and Deidre are founder members of the fledgling Dyspraxia/Apraxia Foundation of SA (DAFSA), which will work to promote inclusive, accessible education countrywide. Deidre and another mom of a child with apraxia, Lydia de Villiers, have also launched Apraxia Awareness SA, to raise awareness in parents and teachers, and lobby government to provide appropriate schooling.

“All we want is for our children to be helped to be selfsufficient and live a full and happy life,” says Deidre. “Is that too much to ask?”

tips for parents • R ead up on apraxia, advises Athena Pedro – visit reputable sites such as mayoclinic.org or apraxia-kids.org • Practise sounds, words and sentences with your child under guidance of a qualified speechlanguage therapist.

• Give positive reinforcement – praise, motivate and encourage them to meet milestones.

• Acknowledge their strengths.

• Be patient.

• Have routine and structure in their day.

• Get all people who interact with your child involved in stimulating language, at home and at school.

find support CAS affects 3% to 5% of preschoolers who have speech impairments, reports CASANA (the Childhood Apraxia of Speech Association of North America), and four times more boys than girls. If your child is among them, contact: • Apraxia Awareness SA: deidre@aarsa.co.za, lydia@aarsa.co.za or aarsa.co.za • DAFSA: This was launched with an information and support website on International Apraxia Awareness Day (May 14): 021 976 8795, 073 839 9524 or aspedro@uwc.ac.za

July 2015

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education

Banish boredom from your home during the holidays with these easy-to-make, indoor and outdoor games that can also teach children a thing or two. By TAMLYN VINCENT

alphabet pictures

Prep Print and cut out the letters of the alphabet. Find pictures in magazines that correspond with these letters and cut these out as well. Tie up a piece of string and peg the letters along the string in alphabetical order.

Play Children match up the letters to the pictures. So if they have a picture of a tree, they need to peg it with the letter T. The pictures can be more advanced for older children.

home-made bingo

the key to fun indoors outdoors on your own in a group with a parent

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July 2015

Prep Make your own bingo boards by printing out a grid with colours, pictures, numbers or letters in the blocks. Jumble them up so each card is different. These can be simpler for younger children, using just colours, while older children can have pictures of animals, continents or other relevant items. Print out another set of the pictures or colours, cut these out and place them in a bag.

Play Someone pulls cards from the bag, calling them out to the other players. Any player who has a corresponding block puts a token on that block. The first person to get a straight line of tokens calls out “bingo” and wins the game.

who am i?

Prep Print and cut out a selection of animal names, places or people.

Try to theme these to make it a bit easier, like zoo animals, mountain ranges or famous authors. You’ll also need a few safety pins.

Play Pin a name on the back of each person’s shirt. Everyone else can see each person’s name, but they aren’t allowed to tell that person what name they have.

Children have to figure out who they are by asking questions.

Prep Write down a selection of quick activities, such as “run around the tree” or “find a yellow flower”. Depending on your child’s age, you could write down questions such as “who is the president of South Africa?” Cut these out. Then gather nine plastic cups and place them in a pyramid shape on the ground. Place a few pieces of paper in each cup.

Play Children stand a short distance away from the cups and throw a ball into one of them.

They must then take out a piece of paper and do what it says or answer the question. Add an element of surprise by writing out a few lucky prizes, such as “Choose a treat” or “Sit one out”.

ILLUSTRATIONS: shutterstock.com

challenge accepted

cup of fortune

magazine durban

storytelling Prep Select a few words at random, such as “dog”, “ladybird” and “hop”. For older children use a dictionary to find more challenging options, or ask children for words they learnt at school. You can also use story blocks. These are wooden squares, like dice, with words written on them. Write nouns, like places or animals, on each side of one block, and on the other write actions or emotions.

Play Ask children to tell a story using the words that have been selected. To play with the story blocks, roll the blocks and tell a story using the words that appear on the top.

marble run Prep Gather an assortment of tubes and pipes, and find some marbles. You will also need some masking tape or duct tape.

Play Give your child the equipment, and find a spare wall in the house. They can then design a marble run, taping the tubes and pipes onto the wall, so that the marbles will run down to the bottom. If there are any flaws in their design, they should find a way to fix them.

If a few children are playing, split them into teams and see who can build the longest, or quickest, marble run with the same number of parts.

magazine durban

hoop toss Prep Cut the centre out of a few paper plates and stick a long cardboard tube upright on another paper plate. If you have a group of children playing, make a few more uprights and colour the hoops in different colours.

Play Children take turns throwing the hoops over the tube. Try playing in teams if there are lots of children, where each team gets a different colour. You can also do time trials, giving the players a minute to get as many as possible. They will need to use teamwork so that they have a steady stream of hoops to throw.

bean bag maths Prep Get a large piece of cardboard and cut holes of varying sizes in it. Assign numbers to each hole, with the biggest hole having the lowest number and the smallest having the highest number. Use numbers that are age-appropriate.

Play Children take turns throwing bean bags or balls through the holes. Each time they get one through they add that hole’s number to their score. Make it harder by adding symbols like +, -, or x in front of the numbers.

mystery bag Prep Find a cloth bag that children can’t see inside. Place a variety of small objects in the bag. Look for items that have different textures, like squishy balls, a wooden block covered in sandpaper, or a piece of silk ribbon.

Play Children feel inside the bag and try to guess what the objects are. Younger children can simply enjoy feeling the different textures, but older children should try to name the items. If you have a group of children, you can give each child one minute to feel inside the bag, and then they can write down as many objects as they can recall feeling in the bag.

rainy day games guaranteed to use up energy • B alloon juggling – don’t let the balloon touch the ground.

• Indoor hopscotch – use masking tape to outline the blocks.

• Indoor maze – use masking tape to mark a maze on the floor, then kick a ball through the maze.

• Play musical chairs or musical statues.

• Have pillow case races down the passage.

• Stepping stones – children try getting from one side of the room to the other without touching the floor.

July 2015

13

relationships

ruining marriage

?

Researchers say that one of the greatest gifts parents can give their children is to focus on their life as a couple, but what happens when parents become too focused on their child, allowing their relationship with each

w

other to suffer? By SAMANTHA PAGE

hen you fall in love, you kiss your sweetheart, tenderly, you share in-jokes, you tell each other everything, and, sometimes, you even give up the remote control.

He steers her through a crowd at the busy neighbourhood market with his hand gently resting on the curve of her back, and she takes a moment to admire him from a distance as he chats with his mates around the braai, wondering how she got so lucky.

Jump forward a few years, and the kisses are fleeting pecks before you turn out the light at night, or as you’re rushing out of the house in the morning, and your sense of humour seems to have gone on vacation without you. This scenario may paint a somewhat grim picture of marriage

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with children, but it’s a fact, though much debated, that “taking the leap from being a couple to becoming a family of three is exciting, exhilarating and joyful, but it’s also exhausting, overwhelming and worrisome,” says psychologist Dr Leisa Bailey. Between the sleep deprivation and the mountain of daily tasks, the shift is away from the spouse, and sometimes new parents find themselves losing the strong connection they once shared as a couple.

Dr John Jacobs is a couple’s therapist and the author of All You Need is Love and Other Lies About Marriage (HarperCollins).

He contends that couples often think children solidify a marriage, but the truth is, they can also be a serious threat. “The transition from couplehood to parenthood makes one of the greatest stressors in

remodelling marriage Men and women have been having children since the beginning of time, so why now has your bundle of joy become such a “relationship grenade”, as the writer Nora Ephron once called them? Physician and researcher Danielle Teller presents one theory in her article “How American Parenting is Killing the American Marriage”: “Sometime between when we were children and when we had children of our own, parenthood became a religion… As with many religions, complete unthinking devotion is required from its practioners. Nothing in life is allowed to be more important than our children, and we must never speak a disloyal word about our relationships with our offspring.

Children always come first. We accept this premise so reflexively today that we forget that it was not always so.”

Where Are They Now?, Waldman stood by her controversial confession: “If you focus all your emotional passion on your children, you neglect the relationship that brought that family into existence, and eventually things can go really, really wrong. My husband is the focus of my romantic devotion and, though I haven’t always been the perfect mother, giving my children a sense of security in their parents’ relationship is something I feel really proud of.”

While fathers are by no means exempt from this new-fangled childolatory, a word coined by Psychology Today, which is defined as “the worship of one’s children at the expense of one’s marriage,” it’s often mothers that seem most burdened by overzealous parenting in their Herculean effort to be the best parent and raise the most well-adjusted children. “Parents, especially moms, believe that a good mother stimulates her children constantly, taking them to museums and signing them up for character-broadening extracurricular activities. She reads all the current literature on parenting and takes primary

The paradox appears to be that we expect so much more from our marriages these days, but we tend to feed them less.

When author Ayelet Waldman declared in her 2005 New York Times essay entitled “Truly, Madly, Guiltily” that she “loved her husband more than her children” because she is in love with her husband but she’s not in love with her children, she was virtually burnt at the Mommy Club stake.

“She’s doing a disservice to her family,” said one ardent critic, and thousands of others joined in caustic comment threads on sites across the US and further afield.

Nine years later, on an episode of Oprah:

responsibility for the care and feeding of the children,” says Bonnie Rochman, writing for Time magazine.

In a recent article in The Atlantic, Richard Reeves presents another angle to the debate, citing research that universityeducated women are driving “a new marriage model, reinventing marriage as a child-rearing machine for a post-feminist and knowledge society. It’s egalitarian, committed and focused on children.”

According to Reeves, married, well-

magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPHS: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

is parenting

the life of a marriage. Add to that the fact that we’ve become a society that is hyperfocused on the emotional wellbeing of our children, sometimes too focused, and you have almost no time or inclination to attend to the needs of your spouse.”

educated women are delaying childbearing until they are financially stable, and then pouring time, money and energy into raising their children, and while couples occasionally manage a date night, every night is parenting night.

“It had been three years since my husband and I had more than one night alone,” says Natalie Martyn, writing for Parent24.com. “So we went on a sevenday, child-free, naughty, indulgent, sanityand marriage-saving bonanza. Every night we drank red wine and talked as if we’d just met, solving problems, planning the future, having whole conversations without being distracted by the verbal diarrhoea of an energetic toddler. We were like two stray magnets finally reunited.”

that must be acknowledged. “Having ‘me-time’ is as important as having ‘us time’. Mothers should plan a girls’ night out while Dad is home taking care of the children and vice versa. And then couples should schedule a night or weekend away without their children.”

Parents should not sacrifice their needs (or desires) for the sake of their children, declared a Gauteng mom boldly at a recent baby expo, because what will be left of the relationship with their spouse when the children leave home? “They can’t do the best job as parents if their partnership is no good,” adds Cape Townbased relationship counsellor Margaret Fulton. “There’s also the fact that we’re living longer and better these days, so we

how to nurture the couple relationship Some tips from psychologist Dr Leisa Bailey… renegotiate your relationship Discuss the division of labour and how to manage time with all your new demands. Resentments are inevitable if responsibilities are not shared. don’t find time, make time Carve out daily time – even just 20 minutes is good enough – and a larger block to spend together weekly.

Focus on maintaining a sense of knowing each other well and nurturing your friendship. it’s the little things Especially with young children, don’t set romantic expectations too high.

Grand gestures are great, but it’s the simple things that make a difference.

Bringing coffee to your spouse or leaving a note of appreciation can have a tremendous impact. learn to grow Research shows that learning something new or engaging in fresh experiences together makes a couple feel more connected. You need to see your spouse as someone other than a parent. successful couples touch Make both sexual and nonsexual touching an important priority. When children are young, and new parents are overwhelmed and exhausted, it’s essential to find creative ways to stay physically connected and protect your intimacy.

The transition from couplehood to parenthood makes one of the greatest stressors in the life of a marriage. great expectations The paradox appears to be that we expect so much more from our marriages these days, but we tend to feed them less.

Many studies show that couples who do more things together are happier. Yet, says Dr John Gartner, “today’s parents, by substantial margins, spend less time alone together, less time entertaining friends, and less time in leisure activity than their parents did – primarily because of an increase in time spent intensively parenting their children.” And while parents talk earnestly about having downtime, they still feel compelled to sign their children up for a plethora of activities that range from piano lessons to chess club and everything in between.

But Nadia Thonnard, a parenting mediator at the South African Divorce Support Association (SADSA), says it’s not just couple needs but also individual needs

magazine durban

need to nurture our partner relationships like we would any friendship if we want them to still be thriving when the children are out of the house.”

Nobody really knows for sure what to expect when children arrive on the scene.

There’s no accounting for the effects of an oxytocin high or the unrelenting cuteness, not to mention the primal desire to protect and nurture at any cost, but try to remember that in providing for your child’s needs, one of the most important is to have parents who really love each other and nurture what they had before baby made three. This model will set them up for better marriages themselves when they grow up. On airplanes, says Gartner, in the event of an emergency, we are instructed to put the oxygen mask on our own faces first, and then on the children. Perhaps this is a safety measure that should apply to marriage too.

July 2015

15

parenting

flying solo In defence of single parenthood, long-time single mom JOCELYN WARRINGTON explains why her daughter is not just surviving, but thriving.

result, I embody the idea that it’s better to “want” to be in a relationship for the loving bond, companionship, and all those other plusses, than that I “need” to be in a relationship because there is stuff to be done or bills to be paid.

What’s more, I’ve been surprised to find out all the things I can do as a woman raising a child on my own. I support us both. It pinches sometimes, but I’ve become very good at saving (I never used to be). I’ve even learnt how to do some of the “man stuff”: I’ve put together a crib, a miniature Vespa scooter (so many pieces!), and a kitchen set (with microwave).

i get to share an extra-special bond

i get to see everything… and I get bragging rights

“But doesn’t your child need a father?” people sometimes ask. I guess I understand. We don’t fit into the traditional notion of what constitutes a family – but who does anymore?

And my daughter, Hannah, has a wonderful grandfather and my male friends who provide her with examples of good men and let her know how much she is loved. But, most important, she has me. Our bond is strong. It’s just her and me in our little family of two (plus a 40kg dog). Together we giggle (and sniffle through Charlotte’s Web). We get our nails done (she favours sparkly purple polish). We go for walks on the beach, to the movies and out for sushi. And we talk.

She has only me to depend on and trust (and I get a supersnuggly fleece-clad bedmate).

i get to be a stellar role model of independence One of the best gifts I am able to give my daughter is the knowledge that she can make it on her own. Earn a living, pay the bond, change a light bulb… cue Mom. As a

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that if she wants more than the meagre pocket money I give her, she needs to make and sell greeting cards or loomband bracelets to earn extra money.

i get to break the rules I am already different by virtue of being a single mom, so what do I risk by not conforming to relatively unimportant traditions? For example, I can look you straight in the eye and say, “Yes, after dinner, she baths and gets dressed in her school stockings. When she wakes up in the morning, all she has to do is put on her shoes. You got a problem with that?”

i get to ditch the drama

One of the best gifts I am able to give my daughter is the knowledge that she can make it on her own.

From first step to the first date, I get to see (and photograph) it all. I’m there to witness so many milestone moments, some of which I would miss if I were taking turns with the dad. On top of that, when you’re the only parent, you can lay claim to being the sole reason for your child’s successes. Every milestone, every accomplishment, everything she’s learnt was from me. I taught, I helped, and I was there every step of the way.

i get to teach some valuable life lessons I won’t kid you – or myself – by saying that single parenting is easy on my daughter, but I’ve noticed that my child is more competent, more observant and kinder than many of her friends who live in two-parent households. One reason for this, I believe, is that she has more responsibility – for herself and for the household. She helps out with chores and errands. She understands when I’m tired. She realises

Contrary to some predictions, my daughter has made it thus far without stealing hubcaps, selling crack cocaine or joining a cult – and there is every indication that she will reach adulthood without any such problems. In fact, I’m guessing that she’s better off than if she had spent these years listening to Mom and Dad exchanging angry words or, worse, engulfed by icy silence or crackling resentment. In this assumption at least, research bears me out. A study conducted by social psychologists at the University of Illinois of all different kinds of households in 39 nations found that what mattered most to children’s emotional development was not whether they were raised by two cohabiting biological parents or a single mother (or, for that matter, adoptive parents, or a stepmother, or two fathers…). Instead, whether children had problems with their marks or in their relationships with their siblings or friends depended on whether there were high levels of conflict within their families. In other words, it’s safe for me to say that my child is emotionally better off being raised by a single parent than if she stayed in a home with two married parents who want to kill each other.

The point, then, is to let go of the fantasy that all children living in nuclear families have two totally engaged parents who lavish their love and attention on all their children, and on each other, in a home free of anger, conflict, and recriminations. Sure, Hannah has her share of problems, but she doesn’t have more than her share. magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

k

nowing that I’ve gone it alone from the day of my daughter’s conception 10 years ago, a broody yet unattached 40-something friend recently asked me, “Should I have a baby on my own?”

Because my single-parent status is more a result of circumstance than choice, I’d never really taken the time to deliberately weigh up the pros and cons of raising a child on my own. Sure, celebrity single moms like Charlize Theron, Sandra Bullock and Madonna make multitasking look defiantly fashionable (and so they should, with an entourage of nannies in their wake), but the default assumption is that single parenting is all hard slog with very little let-up... and that single moms are a haggard breed, teetering permanently on the precipice of either physical burnout or nervous breakdown, or both. It makes me feel almost guilty, then, to admit that I’m having the time of my life. Don’t get me wrong – I’m in no doubt as to the benefits of the dual-family unit. But, with or without a partner, motherhood can be its own reward, and the truth is that there are some very real (albeit sometimes egotistical) perks to raising a child on your own. These are mine…

book extract

comforting crowd-pleasers The recipes in SAM GATES’ cookbook Food for Your Brood will inspire you to gather your favourite people together and get cooking. no-brainer pot roast chicken with bacon, leeks and cider • 5ml (1 tsp) dried thyme or 15ml (1 tbsp) fresh thyme leaves • Salt and freshly ground black pepper • 60ml (4 tbsp) double cream • 15ml (1 tbsp) wholegrain mustard • 30ml (2 tbsp) finely chopped fresh parsley

seventies-style red peppers stuffed with spicy rice To guarantee success, use the sweeter red or orange peppers and choose those with a flat base so they sit well rather than lurching drunkenly around the plate. You also need to ensure your filling packs a taste punch so don’t be shy with spices, seasoning and sauce. This super-spicy stuffing was inspired by a trip to Istanbul, but unlike classic Turkish stuffed peppers, these are served hot. It feeds four, and is useful if you have vegans or vegetarians around.

• ½ fresh red chilli, finely chopped • 2 small tomatoes, finely diced • 60ml (4 tbsp) chopped fresh coriander plus more for sprinkling • freshly ground black pepper • 400ml water • 4 big, fat, square red peppers • olive oil for drizzling

ingredients • 160g basmati rice • 100g grated courgettes • 5ml (1 tsp) salt • 60ml (4 tbsp) olive oil • 1 large onion, finely chopped • 2 cloves garlic, finely chopped • 2,5ml (½ tsp) turmeric • 5ml (1 tsp) ground cumin • 5ml (1 tsp) garam masala • 5ml (1 tsp) ground coriander • generous pinch of cayenne pepper

Wash the rice well, drain and set it aside. Place the grated courgettes in a colander and sprinkle over the salt.

Set aside.

Heat the olive oil in a large frying pan and sauté the onion and garlic until cooked, but not brown. Add the turmeric, cumin, garam masala, ground coriander, cayenne pepper and chilli and cook for 2 minutes. Pour in the rice and cook gently, stirring all the time, for 6–8 minutes so the rice is well coated.

Add the courgettes and stir, then add the tomatoes, fresh coriander, a generous grind of pepper and the water.

Simmer gently for about 12 minutes, until the rice is nearly cooked. Don’t cook any longer as you are going to be putting it into the oven.

Slice the tops off the peppers and scoop out the seeds. Fill with the cooked rice and courgette mixture and put the lids on the top. Place in a casserole dish small enough for the peppers to sit snugly next to each other and drizzle over a little olive oil. Bake for 1 hour, basting with the juices several times during cooking.

method Heat the oven to 180°C.

This is a wonderfully friendly pot roast. It’s so easy that everyone from the smallest to the grumpiest in the household can be the chef, and supper will still taste amazing. Basically you grab a handful of veggies, some bacon, and a chicken, then find a glass of cider, wine or chicken stock (if alcohol’s not for you) and stick the lot into a big pot with a few herbs and a tight lid. Bake for a few hours, then eat. If that was too quick, here’s the slow version – feeds a hungry foursome. ingredients • 30ml (2 tbsp) olive oil • 2 cloves garlic, crushed • 1 red onion, chopped • 2 rashers streaky bacon, snipped into small pieces • 2 leeks, sliced into medallions • 2kg whole chicken • 6 carrots, peeled and quartered • 1 x 330ml bottle cider or the same quantity white wine (if you prefer not to use alcohol, you can also use chicken or vegetable stock instead)

Gently warm the olive oil in a stovetopto-oven casserole, then add the garlic, onion, bacon and leeks. Cook on a medium heat, stirring continuously, until the leeks and onions are cooked but not brown.

Place the chicken in the casserole, breast side up, on top of the vegetables.

Place the carrots snugly around the bird and pour over the cider or white wine.

Sprinkle with thyme and season with salt and black pepper. Put on a tight-fitting lid and cook in the oven for 1 hour. Remove the lid, baste the chicken with the juices and return to the oven for 20–30 minutes until the breast side is golden brown.

Take the casserole out of the oven and check that the chicken is cooked through. Transfer the chicken and vegetables into a warm ovenproof serving dish, but leave the juices in the casserole.

Cover the chicken with foil and return to the switched-off oven to keep warm.

On the stovetop, bring the juices to the boil in the casserole and reduce a little. Turn the heat down and add the cream and mustard, stirring without boiling until warmed through. Transfer the sauce to a warm jug, scatter the chopped parsley over the chicken and vegetables and serve immediately.

PHOTOGRAPHS: Anthea Kirkman

about the book With over 70 ideas for inspirational, delicious dishes – from noisy, outrageous breakfasts to soothingly sweet tea-time delights and amazing one-pot suppers – Food for Your Brood (Struik Lifestyle) by Sam Gates will transform your cooking. For the author, the best meals are those shared with the people we love, when the humblest ingredients, casually gathered, seem to magically turn into fine feasts. So, celebrate food, life and the people you love with this sunny collection of glorious recipes. Food for Your Brood is available at all good bookstores for R275.

magazine durban

method Heat the oven to 180 °C.

golden onions baked with cheese and herbs There are two schools of thought when it comes to baked onions. Cook them whole and pour sauce and cheese over the top, or get fancy, scoop out the middle and fill them up with goodies before baking.

Both are good but the simple version has the added bonus of providing excellent mopping up juices to play with, so make sure you have a loaf of crusty bread handy.

Feeds four for lunch or eight as a side dish. ingredients • 8 medium-sized onions, peeled and the top and bottom sliced off • 30ml (2 tbsp) olive oil • 15ml (1 tbsp) chopped fresh thyme • 2 cloves garlic, finely chopped • salt and freshly ground black pepper • 50g Parmesan cheese, finely grated • 2,5ml (½ tsp) smoked paprika • 250ml fresh cream • 4 slices wholewheat bread, whizzed into breadcrumbs • 15ml (1 tbsp) chopped fresh parsley or thyme method Heat the oven to 190°C. Bring a large saucepan of salted water to the boil and blanch the onions for 6

minutes. Drain and cut in half horizontally, then fit them, cut side up, into a greased gratin dish or shallow casserole. They should fit snugly and hold each other upright. Drizzle with olive oil, scatter over the chopped thyme and garlic, season with salt and pepper, then bake for 30 minutes.

Meanwhile, mix the Parmesan, paprika, cream and a good grind of salt and pepper in a bowl. Stir in the breadcrumbs.

Take the onions out of the oven and pour the cheese, cream and breadcrumb mixture over the top. Return to the oven for another 20 minutes until the sauce is bubbling and golden.

Remove from the oven and serve from the hot dish sprinkled with fresh parsley or thyme.

July 2015

17

your child’s life

dressing without drama Does the simple task of getting your child dressed often develop into a full-scale battle?

ANÉL LEWIS has suggestions for dealing with the fussy, the fickle and the fashion conscious.

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to be passed on to someone else. She also seems to have tactile issues with certain fabrics. I can’t get her to wear anything with frills, lace or capped sleeves.

dressing dilemmas Clothing for infants and babies is all about safety, comfort and ease of access. And it’s probably the only time you will be able to dress your son from head to toe in butternut yellow, or dress your daughter in a Baby-gro that says “Daddy’s girl”, so enjoy it while you can. As soon as your child moves into the toddler phase and starts asserting their personality, clothing takes on a whole new meaning. Suddenly, a T-shirt morphs into a bargaining tool as your toddler realises that he can mess up your morning routine by refusing to wear that pair of shorts. I have to admit that I have sent my son, Conor, now three, to school in his pyjamas a couple of times rather than magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPH: shutterstock.com

u

ntil she was about two years old, my daughter Erin would only wear trousers and T-shirts emblazoned with Superman. While other girls arrived at birthday parties in beautiful dresses, their hair swept up with sparkling clips, Erin insisted on wearing a tatty old shirt with an image of her superhero, and a pair of leggings. Now almost five, Erin loves wearing dresses – but if there’s a ribbon or belt, she refuses to let me tie it in a bow. She is also very particular about the shoes she will wear – flip-flops in summer and well, if she could, flip-flops in winter.

I’ve tried takkies with glitter motifs and durable Crocs that will survive the rigours of the playground. But her reaction to these is always the same: “I’ll wear them tomorrow, Mom.” I learnt very quickly that “tomorrow” is Erin’s code for “never in your wildest dreams”, and that the shoes or item of clothing she’s snubbed will have

deal with the histrionics of getting him to wear a clean shirt. Until recently, he was unfazed about what he had on. But now he’s become quite insistent about what he will wear. He won’t dress in anything with buttons and a collar, and “Woody” – who was once the coolest thing out – is now “stupid”, so that T-shirt is languishing at the bottom of the cupboard. Conor also seems to have an issue with anything resembling a uniform. It was after only two Saturdays of tears and tantrums that I realised his issue with rugby class was not the game, but the kit. I let him go in old shorts and a pyjama top the following week and he was happier than Schalk Burger at a Super Rugby derby.

freedom of choice Being able to choose what to wear is critical for the development of your child’s identity. There’s nothing wrong with letting your child assert her personality with her clothing preferences, as long as it won’t do her any harm – a leotard in midwinter is probably not the wisest choice – and it’s appropriate. Try to discourage clothing that’s unsuitable for their age, or provocative. From about the age of three, however, there is bound to be considerable interest in television and movie characters, so you will have to decide whether you want your child to wear themed clothing. I allow one or two branded items, and then opt for colourful basics that they can wear at school and on weekends. Erin has on occasion left the house in a ballet tutu, one of Conor’s truck-patterned shirts, a pair of gumboots and some fairy wings.

She thought she looked amazing and I made sure that her father remarked on her wonderful ensemble. The few hours of slight embarrassment (for us) were well

worth seeing the pride with which she wore her creation. There was also a brief stint where she would emerge from the bedroom wearing items of our underwear over her clothes, but that passed after a few weeks and, thankfully, she never actually made it out of the door in our unmentionables.

So, as long as it won’t make the neighbours point and stare, or induce hyperthermia, it’s probably okay to let them dress as they wish. And besides, if you take good photos you will have plenty of ammunition for the slideshow at their 21st birthday party. Children relish the independence of being able to choose their clothes, and to dress themselves.

So what if a few items are mismatched?

Who said stripes and polka dots can’t feature in one outfit? For children, getting dressed is about exploring themselves and their environment. Be warned, however, that waiting for a toddler to get dressed can be an exercise in patience that would put some Tibetan monks to the test.

Erin’s been known to make several outfit changes before settling on something that passes muster.

appropriate attire As children get older, clothing becomes more important. For some, it symbolises their association with a particular group at school. Be sure to set boundaries – specify the length for skirts and the types of tops you will allow. Teenagers will realise that clothing can also be used to attract the opposite sex, and this will present a new set of challenges. Again, there will be the multiple wardrobe changes, but probably because you’ve read them the Riot Act for wearing something unacceptable, or because they’re searching for the “perfect outfit”.

mitigate wardrobe meltdowns • G ive younger children a choice between two outfits. They’ll still feel as if they have some say in what they are wearing, but it will spare you the multiple outfit changes.

• If there’s a tactile issue, avoid clothing that exacerbates the problem. Keep it simple, opting for cotton fabrics and outfits with few buttons or seams.

• Allow enough time in the morning to get ready – there’s a good chance your preschool child will try on at least two outfits.

• Clothing choices became easier when I let my daughter come shopping with me. She gets to choose what she likes and I save money by not buying items that she won’t wear.

• Have a dress-up box that also encourages your child to show off her inner fashionista before she leaves the house.

• For younger children, buy items that are easier to put on. Avoid belts and finicky fasteners that could make getting dressed a challenge.

• Pick your battles. Some days, accept that you’re not going to win and have a back-up outfit in your bag in case the chosen garb is not weather or situation appropriate.

• Remember that clothing choices reflect your child’s personality, not yours. Try to not be too critical of their selection, unless it goes against the boundaries you’ve set.

• Have a clothing policy for older children. Be firm about what’s acceptable. This includes how much you will spend on branded items, for example.

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July 2015

19

resource

discover eshowe Use our nifty guide to explore this historical town and its surrounds with your family. By TAMLYN VINCENT

the route It’s approximately 140km from Durban, or a 1,5-hour drive via the N2.

things to do Cultural tours There are a number of tours organised in the area, on which you can see historical and natural attractions. Some of these include a Zulu reed dance, Sangoma healing or a traditional Zulu wedding.

Dlinza Forest and the aerial boardwalk This nature reserve is home to a magnificent variety of birdlife, and visitors can make use of several trails through the forest to try and spot some of the 65 different species. Small game, such as duikers and mongoose, and different butterfly species, can also be seen. The aerial boardwalk, which is just over 120 metres long and 10 metres above the forest floor, offers impressive views of the forest.

Fort Nongqayi and museum complex The history of the area comes to light with a visit to the museum complex, situated

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inside Fort Nongqayi. The fort was once the headquarters to the Zululand Native Police, and the museum inside the fort includes a display of how Zulu huts are built, and Zulu and Anglo-Boer War exhibits. The Mission Museum Chapel is a replica of the original Norwegian Chapel, built by Osmund Oftebro in what is known as Kwa Mondi, situated in present day King Dinizulu Township. It was burned down during the Anglo-Zulu War of 1879 and the present chapel was built, using Norwegian government funding about 20 years later. It currently houses historical artefacts and information about the first missionaries and their work in Zululand.

Also located inside the complex is the Vukani Museum, which displays a collection of Zulu baskets, showing the progression from early, simple baskets to more complex designs and patterns using natural dyes.

You can also visit the Butterfly Dome at the village, where you can see a variety of butterfly species.

Made at Home market Held every Saturday morning, this market offers fresh, handmade and homemade products, with nothing from factories or shops. It takes place on Bulwer Avenue.

Route 66 Travel along the Zululand Heritage Route, from Eshowe to Melmoth, which stretches all the way to Pongola.

The route, once travelled by settlers to the area, missionaries, and later the British army, gives visitors some insight into the historical and cultural past of Zululand.

On route, you can see Martyr’s Cross, where the first Zulu Christian martyr was killed for not serving King Cetshwayo, and Mandawe Church, built by the Knights of da Gama. KwaBulawayo, once capital to Shaka’s kingdom, was the Royal Kraal and housed thousands of Zulu warriors. There is now a cultural centre nearby.

Shakaland cultural village Experience Zulu culture first-hand at this traditional homestead. You can stay at the hotel and take part in the overnight programme, or join in a day tour, both of which are designed to give you a taste of Zulu life. Zulu dancing, watching baskets being

weaved and learning about sangomas are just some of the activities on offer. A restaurant is also available at the village.

favoured accommodation for families Birds of Paradise B&B You will find this bed and breakfast on the edge of Dlinza Forest. The luxury accommodation includes eight en-suite and two self-catering rooms.

Dinner can also be booked in advance.

Dlinza Forest Accommodation These self-catering log cabins sit on the edge of the Dlinza Forest, making it an ideal spot to take in the area’s birdlife. The cabins include a kitchen, seating area, bedroom and bathroom, and can sleep at most two adults and two children.

Forest View Lodge At this lodge you can enjoy self-catering accommodation or bed and breakfast. The rooms are en-suite and look out over the Dlinza Forest.

InnZululand Guest Lodge This bed and breakfast accommodation has several spacious rooms as well as a family room with a private sitting room or extra bedroom. They also have a swimming pool and offer dinner and packed lunches.

Mfuli Game Ranch Situated just off Route 66, Mfuli is a small, private game ranch, with several types of game, a restaurant, swimming pool and birding hides. They have en-suite bedrooms and twobedroomed cabins.

Shakaland Hotel Just outside of Eshowe, overlooking the Phobane Lake, this hotel has various accommodation options, including family rooms. The rooms have authentic African décor and are thatched, adding to the experience. Facilities include a swimming pool, restaurant and authentic Zulu activities.

The George Hotel This country hotel is comfortable and accommodating, while still reflecting its 100-year heritage. It also has a restaurant and pub, along with a swimming pool and braai facilities.

interesting facts • J ohn Dunn was South Africa’s only official white chief (or iNkosi). He had 48 wives and 117 children.

• The Dlinza Forest Royal Mile Drive was made for the British Royal Family when they visited South Africa in 1947 and toured the Dlinza Forest.

• The cultural village at Shakaland Hotel was built on the same place as the film sets for King Shaka and John Ross.

• The Kraal at KwaBulawayo was big enough to house 12 000 Zulu warriors.

road trip activities On the way from Durban to Eshowe, there are plenty of small towns to stop at, or activities to indulge in along the way. Stop at one of the beaches, such as Salt Rock or Nkwazi. Sage Café and Burnedale Café are both near Umhlali, providing the perfect spot to stop for a snack or light lunch. In Sheffield Beach, Flag Animal Farm is also a worthwhile stop, and children can see farm animals and play before you hit the road again. Or, if you can wait a while longer, the Prawn Shack is situated at Amatikulu Beach. Here you can enjoy a relaxed lunch overlooking the coastal bush.

websites for more info eshoweguide.co.za eshowe.com kwabulawayo.com shakaland.com visitzululand.co.za zululandeco-adventures.com zululandroute66.co.za

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PHOTOGRAPHS: Bob Hilscher / Shutterstock.com

e

showe is situated on the North Coast of KwaZulu-Natal, just inland from Mtunzini, and a short distance south of Richard’s Bay. The area near Eshowe has been home to several Zulu kings, including Shaka and Cetshwayo, who built a kraal there in 1860. The following year, a mission station was established in the area by a Norwegian missionary. The Anglo-Zulu War saw British soldiers stationed, and later besieged, at the fort in Eshowe. After the war, Eshowe became the capital of Zululand, a status it has since lost. But the historical and cultural influences can still be seen in the area, especially in the Museum Village, which houses historical artefacts, local crafts and a Norwegian Mission Chapel.

Eshowe isn’t only for budding historians.

It also has a variety of family-friendly activities and accommodation, from the Zulu dancing you can see at Shakaland, to the aerial boardwalk through the Dlinza Forest. This spot, and others around the town, also offer great opportunities for birding.

calendar

You can also access the calendar online at

what’s on in july

childmag.co.za

Your guide for what to do, where to go and who to see.

Compiled by TAMLYN VINCENT

3 fri

special events

22

FUN for children

23

only for parents

24

bump, baby & tot in tow

25

how to help

25

SPECIAL EVENTS

PHOTOGRAPHS: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM / Alex RufFini

Harlem Globetrotters SA Tour The world’s premiere basketball team put on an outrageous exhibition and showcase their hoop skills.

FUN FOR CHILDREN

ONLY FOR PARENTS

bump, baby & tot in tow

how to help

Inchanga Choo Choo Ride this steam train to the end of the line, where you’ll find crafts, food and more.

Bonfire Hearts This tribute to acoustic, unplugged and Celtic rock features a line-up of songs that are everlasting.

Pre- and postnatal yoga Momsto-be and moms with babies can join a relaxed, nurturing yoga class.

Mandela Day Donate 67 minutes of your time to help others on 18 July, and keep Mandela’s legacy alive.

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calendar

SPECIAL EVENTS 1 wednesday City View Shopping Centre’s Baby of the Year 2015 competition The competition is for babies and toddlers 0–4 years old, and there are three categories: “Most beautiful smile”, “Most beautiful eyes” and “Most beautiful baby”. Submit professional photographs or City View will have a professional photographer available every Friday–Sunday until 26 July. For more info: cityview.co.za Legally Blonde: the Musical Elle Woods, a Barbie-type blonde, gets dumped by her boyfriend, but follows him to law school to win him back. She outsmarts him at law and finds true love in the process. Ends 5 July.

Time: 7:30pm Wednesday–Saturday, 2pm Saturday, 3pm Sunday. Venue: Playhouse Drama Theatre, Anton Lembede Rd, Durban CBD. Cost: R40–R80. Book through Computicket: computicket.com

3 friday Harlem Globetrotters SA Tour The world’s premiere basketball team puts on their most outrageous exhibition yet, showcasing their basketball and hoop skills.

See them perform upside-down shots, trick

7 tue

24 friday Durban International Film Festival (DIFF) DIFF is a 10-day celebration of world-class cinema that screens new feature, documentary and short films from around the globe with a special focus on African submissions. The festival also includes the Wavescape Surf Film Festival, the DurbanFilmMart and more. 16–26 July. For programme details: durbanfilmfest.co.za

shots, slam dunks, and more. Also 5 July.

Time: 7pm Friday, 2pm Sunday. Venue: ICC Durban. Cost: R150–R650. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or computicket.com Umhlanga Tourism July Festival There’s something for everyone, from boot camps every morning, to children’s entertainment, a trail run and walk on Sunday. Ends 6 July. Time: varies. Venue: Umhlanga promenade and main beach.

Cost: varies. Contact: 060 991 6819 or umhlangafestivals.co.za

5 sunday Sing Country This family show takes you out of the city and into the land of country music. Time: 2:30pm and 7pm.

Venue: Rhumbelow Theatre WCC, Westville Country Club, 1 Link Rd. Cost: R120. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or computicket.com

8 wednesday

A Very Special Solo Evening with Joan Armatrading Known as a true craftsman, Joan Armatrading has released over 20 acclaimed albums. Platinumselling artist Jesse Clegg opens.

Time: 8pm. Venue: ICC Durban.

Cost: R450–R650. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or computicket.com

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July 2015

Thumbelina This classical fairytale is performed by principal dancers from the Cape Town City Ballet and KZN Midlands ballet studios. Ends 9 July. Time: 2:30pm and 6pm. Venue: Hilton College Theatre, Hilton Rd, Pietermaritzburg. Cost: adults R100, children under 12 years old R80.

Book online: hiltontheatre.co.za

Durban Marina, off Margaret Mncadi Ave. Cost: adults R50, children over 12 years old R30. Contact: 031 266 9828, 083 255 2815, creative.events@eastcoast.co.za or durbanboatshow.co.za

19 sunday Old Mutual Music at the Lake Featuring Prime Circle with Shortstraw. Time: 2:30pm. Venue: Durban Botanic Gardens, Berea. Cost: adults presold ticket R140, on the day R160, children 8–12 years old R60. Contact: 031 322 4021 or book online: webtickets.co.za

21 tuesday Bonfire Hearts A moving tribute to acoustic, unplugged and Celtic rock, this is a spectacular show of rhythm and harmony. Ends 23 August. Time: 8pm Tuesday–Saturday, 2pm Sunday.

Venue: The Barnyard Theatre, Gateway.

Cost: R145 Wednesday–Saturday, R110 Tuesday, R100 Sunday. Contact: 031 566 3045, gateway@barnyardtheatres.co.za or barnyardtheatres.co.za

More than Nothing – A Latino Journey Mais Que Nada gives a soulful, sexy and sassy performance. Ends 26 July. Time: 8pm Friday and Saturday, 2pm Sunday.

Venue: Rhumbelow Theatre, Cunningham Ave, Umbilo. Cost: R120. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or computicket.com The Learn Project’s fundraising golf day The Learn Project helps schools in need by providing them with reading books and stationery. Join a fun golf day in support of this initiative. Time: tee-offs start 10:30am. Venue: Royal Durban Golf Club, 7 Mitchell Crescent, Berea. Cost: R1 600 per four-ball. Contact: 082 458 5171 or lucy@thelearnproject.co.za

25 saturday Pick n Pay Women’s Walk Durban This is a 5km walk held to promote breast cancer awareness. Men and children can also join in. Funds raised go to the breast cancer awareness organisation, PinkDrive.

Tickets are available at selected Pick n Pay stores or online. Time: 8am. Venue: Sunkist Lawns, Durban beachfront promenade.

Cost: adults R50, children R25. Book online: webtickets.co.za

26 sunday Crazy Hats 5km fun walk Join Child Welfare Durban and District for a fun walk. There are stalls selling goodies, food and more, along with prizes for the most creative hats. Time: 7am, registration opens 6am. Venue: North Beach Amphitheatre, Durban. Cost: adults R50, children R25. Contact: 031 312 9313 or walk@cwdd.org.za

17 friday The Durban International Boat and Lifestyle Show This is a showcase of everything outdoors, including boats, watersports, cars, camping and caravanning.

Ends 19 July. Time: 9:30am–5pm Friday and Saturday, 9:30am–4pm Sunday. Venue:

19 July – Old Mutual Music at the Lake

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31 friday DurbaNite Race Dress up in bright colours and run 5km around Durban at night. This monthly run is open to anyone 9 years and older. Time: 7pm. Venue: People’s Park, Moses Mabhida Stadium. Cost: R60.

Contact: 071 521 2546, info@durbaniterace. co.za or durbaniterace.co.za Rising Stars Careers Expo 2015 This event helps learners, youths and graduates connect with companies, tertiary institutions and industry groups. The expo caters for most of the academic offerings.

For learners from Grade 10 upwards. Time: 9am–5pm. Venue: Protea Edward Hotel, Durban. Cost: free entry. Contact: 072 910 9378 or info@fezekisacom.co.za

time management. 14 and 15 July. Time: 8:30am–12pm. Venue: Ashton International College, Albertina Way, Ballito. Cost: R700. Contact: 082 379 1429, 082 716 8878, angelamccall@telkomsa.net or greg. phipps@telkomsa.net Get Ready for School programme Time: 1pm–2:20pm Monday–Friday.

Venue: Kip McGrath Pinetown, 2nd floor Park Row Building, 4 School Rd, Pinetown.

Cost: varies. Contact: 031 702 6833 Helen O’Grady Drama Academy Foundation, intermediate and youth theatre classes available. Time: after school hours. Venue: varies. Cost: R650 per term. Contact: 031 562 0679 or durban@ helenogrady.co.za

family outings

31 July – Rising Stars Careers Expo 2015

FUN FOR CHILDREN art, culture and science ArtSpace The exhibition, Durban – Yesterday, Now and Tomorrow, is on from 29 June to 18 July. Time: 9am–5pm Monday– Friday, 9am–2pm Saturday. Venue: 3 Millar Rd, Stamford Hill. Cost: free entry. Contact: 031 312 0793 or artspace-durban.com Fine art classes for children Learn how to draw realistically, paint canvases and make ceramic art. For children 8–15 years old. Time: 10am–12pm every Saturday.

Venue: The Breathing Space, 191 Bulwer Rd, Glenwood. Cost: R800 per school term. Contact: 073 540 9210 or daniella. hartman@gmail.com

classes, talks and workshops Dynamic studying course Children in Grades 4–7 learn summarising skills, memorisation, exam techniques and

magazine durban

Books2You book fair Time: 10am–3pm 27 July, 7:30am–1pm 28 July. Venue: Umhlali Prep. Also Berea Primary 28 and 29 July. Cost: free entry. Contact: 031 705 7744 or orders@books2you.co.za East Coast Radio House & Garden Show Take your children to the Kidz Zone, a play area for children from ages 4–12 years old, where they’ll be entertained while you browse over 350 exhibitions. Ends 5 July. Time: 10am–8pm Sunday–Thursday, 10am–10pm Friday and Saturday. Venue: Durban Exhibition Centre, 11 Walnut Rd, Durban. Cost: adults R85, adults’ multiple entry ticket R100, children under 16 years old free. For more info: housegardenshow.co.za Inchanga Choo Choo Travel by steam train through the scenic Valley of 1000 Hills. Time: 2 July: 10:30am Vintage Car “Pace the Train” and 2:30pm Afternoon Tea Train; 5 and 26 July 8:30am and 12:30pm. Venue: departs from Kloof Station, Stoker’s Arms. Cost: adults R200, children 2–12 years old R140.

Contact: 087 808 7715, 082 353 6003 or umgenisteamrailway.co.za

finding nature and outdoor play The Animal Farmyard Feed the animals and see milking demonstrations. Time: 9am–4:30pm daily, milking 10:30am and 3:30pm. Venue: 3 Lello Rd, Botha’s Hill.

Cost: R15 entry, rides R5. Contact: 031 765 2240 or animalfarmyard.co.za

A Bugs Life holiday club Expect games, projects, stories, and art and crafts, while learning about courage, dealing with bullying, friendship, and all things that creep and crawl.

Sandwiches, biscuits, juice and fruit are served each day. 29 June– 3 July. Time: 8am–12pm. Venue: Musgrave Methodist Church, cnr St Thomas Rd and Musgrave Rd. Cost: R10 donation appreciated.

Contact: 031 201 2005

Umgeni River Bird Park See a variety of bird species, watch a bird show, and enjoy a snack at the café. Time: 9am–5pm daily. Venue: 490 Riverside Rd, Durban North. Cost: adults R50, children 4–12 years old R30. Contact: 031 579 4601 or umgeniriverbirdpark.co.za

124 Ridgeton Towers, 6 Aurora Dr, Umhlanga Ridge. Cost: R140 per day.

Contact: 074 113 8364 or umhlanga@ computers4kids.co.za Cooking Kids mini chef course A fun three-day cooking competition and lesson.

30 June–2 July. Time: 9am–10:30am. Venue: Meryl’s School of Cooking, 1 Wingfield Rd, Kloof. Cost: R480 for all lessons. Contact: 031 764 6577 Fine Young Cooks holiday club Children 3 years and older enjoy a variety of cooking classes. Contact them or see their Facebook page for class details and dates. 29 June– 17 July. Time: 9:30am–11:30am. Venue: Burnedale Centre, Old Main Rd, Umhlali.

Cost: R150 per session. Contact: 082 378 1912, lewaine@fineyoungcooks.co.za or Facebook: Fine Young Cooks Ballito Gwahumbe Junior Ranger camp This three-day two-night camp sees boys and girls 8–13 years old stay at the Mzigi Bush Camp where a qualified ranger leads them through the ranger activities.

29 June–1 July and 13–15 July. Time: 9am.

Venue: Gwahumbe Game and Spa, Mid Illovo. Cost: R1 450 per camper. Contact: 087 150 3475, info@gwahumbe.co.za or gwahumbe.co.za Holiday care Children 3–6 years old can join in exciting, themed activities, from art and crafts, to music and

holiday programmes Busyballers holiday clinics These clinics provide fun obstacle courses, races and other age-appropriate games for children. Older children can enjoy sports such as soccer, hockey, netball, volleyball, cricket, rugby and baseball. For children 3–8 years old. Time: 8am–12pm.

Venues: 29 June and 1, 13 and 15 July: Morningside Sports Club, Hollander Crescent; 30 June, and 14 and 16 July: Mt Edgecombe. Cost: R120 per child per morning. Contact: 083 236 0059 or lisa@ busyballers.co.za Computers4kids holiday workshops Children in Grades R–7 experience fun, exciting computer lessons on various software programmes. 29 June–17 July.

Time: 9am–11am Monday–Friday. Venue:

30 June–2 July – Cooking Kids mini chef course

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calendar a new master. The film opens 10 July in 3-D and other cinemas nationwide. For more info: numetro.co.za or sterkinekor.com Sing Country 5 July. Time: 2:30pm and 7pm. Venue: Rhumbelow Theatre WCC, Westville Old Boys Hall, Westville Country Club, 1 Link Rd. Cost: R120. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or computicket.com Thumbelina 8 and 9 July. Time: 2:30pm and 6pm. Venue: Hilton College Theatre, Hilton Rd, Pietermaritzburg. Cost: adults R100, children under 12 years old R80.

Book online: hiltontheatre.co.za

playtime and story time 6–12 July – Performing arts bush camp

drama. Book daily or weekly. 29 June– 17 July. Time: 7am–5pm Monday–Friday.

Venue: June’s Pre-primary School, 21 Langford Rd, Westville. Cost: R85 per day. Contact: juditgreen@icloud.com or junespreprimary.co.za July beach holiday camp The Flying Fish Swim School hosts a beach adventure camp over four days, where children can learn about the beach and ocean environment while having a great time with friends. 29 June–2 July. Time: 8am–1pm. Venue: Marine Surf Lifesaving Club, Addington Beach. Cost: prebooked four days R480, prebooked single day R150, no booking single day R200. Contact: 074 155 9915 or flyingfishswimschool. dbn@gmail.com Kloof Methodist Church holiday club The programme includes drama, art, fun, games, worship and more. For children 6–12 years old. 29 June–3 July.

Time: 8am–12pm. Venue: Kloof Methodist Church, 4 Park Close, Kloof. Cost: R10 donation optional. Contact: 031 764 1041 Lucky Bean’s free holiday programme Activities include making a grass head, cupcake decorating and more. See the Facebook page for programme details.

1–17 July. Time: 10:30am Tuesday–Friday, registration from 9am. Venue: 10 Cadmoor Rd, Assagay. Cost: R20 entrance fee, activities free. Contact: info@luckybean.co no .za) or Facebook: Lucky Bean Performing arts bush camp The camp is facilitated by Rising Star Performing Arts Theatre School teachers and covers three performance areas: acting, singing and dancing. For Grades 8–12. 6–12 July. Time: 10am–1pm. Venue: HellaHella Outdoor Centre, Mkomazi Valley. Cost: R2 500.

Contact: 083 326 3257, gill@rspa.co.za or rspa.co.za

Sugar Bay holiday camp This week-long adventure camp is for children 7–17 years old. 5–12 July: Waffles and ice-cream week; 12–19 July: Tour de France week. Time: drop off 3pm–4pm, collect 8am–9am.

Venue: 21 Nkwazi Dr, Zinkwazi Beach. Cost: varies. Contact: 032 485 3778, holidays@ sugarbay.co.za or sugarbay.co.za Treasure Hunters: Kids’ Holiday Course Children 6–13 years old can explore Treasure Beach, join in crafts, take walks and play games. 1 and 2 July.

Time: 8am–4pm. Venue: Treasure Beach Environmental Education Centre, 835 Marine Dr, Bluff. Cost: R110. Contact: 031 467 8507/8 or tbeachedu@wessa.co.za Wildlife Warrior holiday club A fun, educational programme for 7–12 year olds.

29 June–17 July. Time: 8am–1pm Monday– Friday. Venue: Crow, 15A Coedmore Ave, Yellowwood Park. Cost: R100 per day.

Contact: 031 462 1127 or education@ crowkzn.co.za

markets I Heart Market This market showcases innovative, handmade, home-made and locally designed goods and artisanal foods.

4 July. Time: 9am–2pm. Venue: Moses Mabhida Stadium, Isaiah Ntshangase Rd. Cost: free entry. Contact: info@iheartmkt. com or iheartmarket.blogspot.com Shongweni Farmers Market Time: 6:30am–10:30am every Saturday. Venue: cnr Kassier Rd and Alverstone Rd, Assagay.

Cost: free entry. Contact: 083 777 1674 or shongwenimarket.co.za The Morning Trade This market offers locally produced food. Time: 8am–1pm, every Sunday. Venue: 15 Station Dr, Durban. Cost: free entry. Contact: info@ themorningtrade.co.za or Facebook: The Morning Trade The Play Market A great outdoor market for the whole family, with crafts, authentic food, children’s entertainment and lots more. 12 July. Time: 9am–2pm. Venue: Giba Gorge Mountain Bike Park, 110 Stockville Rd, Westmead. Cost: R10 park entry per person. Contact: 071 307 0823, gotoplaymarket@gmail.com or Facebook: Go To Play Market

on stage and screen

The Morning Trade

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July 2015

Minions Intended as a prequel of sorts to Despicable Me, this animated adventure explains how the Minions came to be. The time has also come for the Minions to find

Lucky Bean A safe children’s outdoor playground and indoor playbarn, with a coffee shop. Time: 9am–4pm Tuesday– Sunday. Venue: 10 Cadmoor Rd, Assagay.

Cost: R20 entry. Contact: 082 216 3892, info@luckybean.co or luckybean.co (no .za) Steam train rides Ride a miniature steam engine at the Durban Society of Model Engineers on the second Sunday of every month. Time: 11am–4pm. Venue: 4 Hinton Grove, Virginia. Cost: R10 per ride.

Contact: 031 205 1089 or dsme.co.za Story time @ The Book Boutique Also includes an activity. Time: 10am every Saturday. Venue: 26 Rockview Rd, Amanzimtoti. Cost: free entry. Contact: 031 903 6692, thebookboutique@gmail. com or thebookboutique.co.za

sport and physical activities Durban Ice Rink This new Olympic-size ice arena offers social skate sessions, skating and ice hockey lessons. Time: varies. Venue: 81 Somtseu Rd, North Beach. Cost: twohour session R60, spectators R30. Contact: 031 332 4597, info@durbanicerink.co.za or durbanicearena.co.za Ice hockey Children develop agility, strength and coordination, plus self-confidence and teamwork skills. Booking essential. Time: 8:45am–9:30am every Sunday. Venue: Galleria Ice Rink, Amanzimtoti. Cost: varies, first lesson free. Contact: 072 237 3114 or durbaknights.wordpress.com

only for parents classes, talks and workshops Fine art classes for adults Add a dimension to your personal experience of life by learning a new skill. For teens and adults.

Time: 1pm–4pm every Saturday. Venue: The Breathing Space, 191 Bulwer Rd, Glenwood.

Cost: R900 per term. Contact: 073 540 9210 or daniella.hartman@gmail.com

Modern Buddhism meditation

Modern Buddhism meditation Time: 7pm–8pm every Wednesday. Venue: Centenary Medical Centre, 55 Old Main Rd, Hillcrest. Cost: R40 donation. Contact: 031 266 0148, info@meditateindurban.org or meditateindurban.org North Coast Artists meeting All are welcome for the monthly art demo, tips and a meeting. 11 July. Time: 9am. Venue: Church of the Blessed Sacrament, Newport Ave, Glenashley. Cost: members R30, visitors R40. For more info: north-coastartists.com

on stage and screen Bonfire Hearts 21 July–23 August. Time: 8pm Tuesday–Saturday, 2pm Sunday.

Venue: The Barnyard Theatre, Gateway.

Cost: R145 Wednesday–Saturday, R110 Tuesday, R100 Sunday. Contact: 031 566 3045, gateway@barnyardtheatres.co.za or barnyardtheatres.co.za Legally Blonde: the Musical 1–5 July.

Time: 7:30pm Wednesday–Saturday, 2pm Saturday, 3pm Sunday. Venue: Playhouse Drama Theatre, Anton Lembede Rd, Durban CBD. Cost: R40–R80. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or computicket.com More than Nothing – A Latino Journey 24–26 July. Time: 8pm Friday and Saturday, 2pm Sunday. Venue: Rhumbelow Theatre, Cunningham Ave, Umbilo. Cost: R120.

Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or computicket.com

support groups Ballito Autism Centre of Excellence A support and resource centre for families and professionals. Contact: 032 586 0200 or info@imbalitohopecollege.co.za Choc – Childhood Cancer Foundation KZN For support and more info, contact: 086 111 2182, dbn@choc.org.za or choc.org.za

A Palette of Possibilities An oil painting exhibition

by Ballito artist Jane Digby that runs until 5 July. Time: 10:30am–3:30pm Tuesday– Sunday. Venue: Longmynd Art Gallery, 24 Old Main Rd, Hillcrest.

Cost: free entry. Contact: 082 486 2126, blacklaw@telkomsa. net or jjdigby.com

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it’s party time

Dyspraxia South Africa A support group for parents or caregivers of children and young adults dealing with dyspraxia.

Contact: info@dyspraxiasouthafrica.co.za or dyspraxiasouthafrica.co.za Hi Hopes Home intervention programme for children who are deaf or hard of hearing.

Contact: 082 897 1632, dianne.goring@ hihopes.co.za or hihopes.co.za Overeaters Anonymous A support group for compulsive overeaters. Contact: 011 640 2901, sms 076 274 5474 or oa.org.za

bump, baby & Tot in tow

classes, talks and workshops Baby massage Discover the interaction and relaxation of baby massage. Babies from birth to one year old are welcome. Time: varies.

Venues: Glenmore, Morningside, Umhlanga and Hillcrest. Cost: five-week course R600.

Contact: 072 623 3266, hello@holisticbaby. co.za or holisticbaby.co.za Pre- and postnatal yoga Time and venues: moms and babies 10am Tuesday, preggie yoga 4:45pm Tuesday and Thursday, Giba Guest House, Hillcrest; pre- and postnatal yoga 8am Friday, Wirikuta, Assagay. Cost: R260 per month. Contact: 083 560 5390, 073 351 6824 or isabel@blissfulbellies.co.za Pregnancy yoga Gentle yoga for moms-tobe. Time: 9:30am–10:45am, every Saturday.

Venue: The Yoga Sanctuary, 49 Delaware Ave, Glenashley. Cost: R260 per month. Contact: 076 410 1410 or angela@rautenbach.co.za

playtime and story time Baby Bright Stars Interactive classes for moms and babies. Time: varies. Venue: Westville. Cost: R900. Contact: 083 777 4578, kelly@babybrightstars.co.za or babybrightstars.co.za Clamber Club Movement and stimulation classes for babies 8 weeks–12 months old, and children 1–4 years old. Time: varies.

Venues: Ballito and Kloof. Cost: varies.

Contact Ballito: 076 222 2946 or Kloof: 083 259 2746 or clamberclub.com Shongololo Shakers Music, puppet and movement classes for children 0–4 years old. Time: varies. Venues: Durban North and Winston Park. Cost: varies.

Contact: 060 350 7323, 083 893

For more help planning your child’s party visit

childmag.co.za/resources/birthday-parties

Baby Bright Stars

5155, info@shongololoshakers.co.za or shongololoshakers.co.za

support groups Mothers 2 Baby For all moms finding motherhood challenging. Babies welcome.

Time: 10am–11:30am, the third Thursday of every month. Venue: Hillcrest Private Hospital, Kassier Rd. Cost: free. Contact: 061 453 3718

how to help Mandela Day On 18 July, people honour Mandela by donating 67 minutes of their time to help others or by offering help in some other form. Join in by creating or joining an action to help make a difference.

For more info: mandeladay.com Training and Resources in Early Education (TREE) This NPO helps adults from small disadvantaged communities provide children with access to early childhood development programmes. They produce a range of handmade, wooden toys that are painted or dip-dyed in non-harmful paint. They have some old-but-favourite items and are adding new items to the line of Proudly South African multifunctional toys that cater for developmental learning.

You can find toys at their shop at 69 Krishna Rd, Briardene, Durban North, or online shopping will soon be offered on the website. Donations that contribute towards early education are also welcome. Contact: 031 579 4711, tree@worldonline.co.za or tree-ecd.co.za

Training and Resources in Early Education (TREE)

don’t miss out!

For a free listing, email your event to durban@childmag.co.za. Information must be received by 3 July for the August issue, and must include all relevant details. No guarantee can be given that it will be published. To post an event online, go to childmag.co.za

magazine durban

July 2015

25

finishing touch

t

he email lands in my inbox, and a quick glance at the subject strikes fear into my heart. I see the words “Please make a…” and I can’t read further. To say I am creatively challenged is putting it mildly – I got a G for needlework in Std 7. So the call for me to make something for my child’s school rates up there on the “painometer” with a root canal or bikini wax. I’m not short on ideas – Pinterest has been a lifesaver in that department – but it’s just the execution that has me somewhat flummoxed. I don’t know how many times my husband, Craig, has found me in tears, with my fingers glued together and smears of paint on my cheek, staring at a dismal blob of papier-mâché lying forlornly on the floor. It’s so bad, when I announce that I am about to tackle a craft of some sort, Craig will suddenly discover several odd jobs, way on the other side of the house, that need to be done urgently.

I had to outsource the making of the Easter bonnet. After the fiasco of the fallen eggs of the previous year, there was no way that I could send Erin to school again in a straw hat adorned with three chocolate eggs stuck with Prestik to the brim.

And don’t even get me started on baking cakes – that’s a whole other world of pain.

I look in awe at the pics posted by crafty

ANÉL LEWIS wants to run a mile every time she has to make something creative for her daughter, but she has come to appreciate the time they spend together on projects.

Erin, Anél and Conor

moms on Facebook of the things they have made – beanies in the shape of popular TV characters, beautiful fairy costumes, and cakes in the shape of boats and butterflies.

The last time I made cupcakes, I swear you could see the neon-pink icing from

space. And after the party, I found several discarded cupcakes in the pot plants outside, which is never a good sign.

Needless to say, I’ve never tackled an actual birthday cake. Unless the children are thinking of having a log party (I can

just about rustle up a loaf-sized yoghurt cake), homemade confectionery is just not an option.

But for children, the process is usually more important than a fancy outcome.

They don’t really mind that your Easter bonnet resembles something a hobbit would wear to a tea party. They just love being involved in the creation of something. I’m seeing this with Erin, as we prepare for her first market day at school. She’s so excited about the paint and the stickers we will use for the items we are making together. And while she is learning valuable lessons about supply and demand and the value of money, I am learning the value of enjoying the creative process without worrying about the outcome.

We don’t have to make something that could win first prize in an art show, or get 1 000 likes on Facebook. It’s about spending time together doing something creative. But I’m not giving up on my premade cake mixes just yet.

Anél Lewis has joined a few crafters’ groups on Facebook for inspiration and has started collecting old magazines in case she needs to make a piňata for Erin’s next birthday party.

family marketplace

26

July 2015

magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPH: Susie Leblond Photography

art attack

books

a good

read

toddlers

early graders

preschoolers

Bumper Magnets: 6 Friends have Fun on the Farm!

By Brenda Apsley and Marie Allan

The Castle of Cupcakes

By Lynn Bedford Hall and Jane Heinrichs

Superworm

By Julia Donaldson and Axel Scheffler

The Egg Thieves

By Joan Lingard

(Published by Human and Rousseau, R143) Children aged three to six years old will love this interactive story where they decide which animal character will take part in every activity. The book comes with six soft and thick magnets that attach to certain areas on each page. Sheep, pony, pig, dog, cow or goat? Which of Billy the bull’s friends are strong enough to help him with his secret plan? Choose bumper picture magnets to complete the pages, then detach and play again.

(Published by Struik Lifestyle, R65) In this book, Mattie, the little girl who enters the secret dream world of animals every night, joins in the creatures’ Baby Show. Every animal mother wants her babies to be the prettiest and win the grand prize, which is a magnificent cupcake castle. But a nasty, greedy buffalo charges into the party and spoils all the fun. Once again, Mattie saves the day, and the show ends with a wonderfully happy celebration.

(Published by Scholastic, R127) In this winner of The Red House Book Award, children up to the age of five years old will meet Superworm. He is not your ordinary hero with massive muscles. Nope: he’s super-skinny, but not weedy at all.

When trouble strikes, this brave worm can turn into a life-saving rope. Or squiggle to the rescue in really tiny spaces. Julia Donaldson’s bouncy rhymes and Axel Scheffler’s jolly art contribute to children loving the super-helpful Superworm.

(Published by Catnip Publishing, R98) Everyone in Lecky Grant’s village is furious when precious eggs are stolen from an osprey nest. Lecky and his friend, Nora, are determined that the culprits don’t strike again, but are they looking for them in the right place? They build a hide and keep a close watch on anything suspicious in their village. They begin to suspect the local handyman, but spot the real culprits just in time. This is a charming story for young readers from an award-winning author.

preteens and teens

parenting

early graders Body Works

By Anna Claybourne (Published by Random House Struik, R106) How do we see, hear and smell? How do our muscles enable us to move?

Why is blood red? With Body Works children won’t only be able to answer these questions about the human body, but they’ll also have tons of fun learning.

Filled with interesting facts and fun activities, Body Works is the ideal gift for young anatomy enthusiasts. A young reader can easily navigate the book by using the four sections as a guide.

The author uses informal and easy-tounderstand language that will keep even the youngest readers interested.

101 Great Science Experiments

By Neil Ardley (Published by Dorling Kindersley, R156) Make science fun with 101 exciting stepby-step experiments that are safe and easy to do at home. Science writer Neil Ardley shows how you can use everyday objects to discover the basic principles of science and understand how these apply to the world around you. So, if you want to make a volcano erupt, see around corners, find out how your eyes work, or build an electromagnet, this fascinating book for children from the age of 10 years old will show you how. Experiments are sorted in 11 categories, including liquids, electricity, and motion and the senses. Illustrated steps make projects easy and fun.

Birdseye

By Máire Fisher

for us

(Published by Umuzi, R210) As children growing up at Marchbanks, an imposing mansion built high on a hill above a Cape seaside town, Bird and her five siblings love to hear the story of how their father wooed their mother, but they don’t know much about the past of their reclusive grandmother, Ma Bess, who rules Marchbanks from its shadows and keeps her stories firmly locked in her cold heart.

When Bird’s 10-year-old twin brothers, Oliver and Oscar, go missing after a day of fishing, Bird appoints herself the family scribe and begins writing to the brothers she refuses to believe are gone for good.

Everyday Blessings

By Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn (Published by Little Brown Book Group, R205) This practical book offers a clear outline for people who want to understand and embrace mindful parenting. It is one of the few books on parenting that embraces the emotional, intuitive and deeply personal experience of being a parent and shows you how to apply the practice of mindfulness meditation to parenting children of all ages. By encouraging moment-tomoment awareness and acceptance, this book will help you grow in compassion, enrich your life as a parent and nourish the internal life of your children.