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They say that parenting is not for sissies, but add “working mom” to the equation and it gets that little bit trickier.
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As I write this, I’m on the plane returning from a business trip. I have just finished reading I’m Missing News by Katy Katopodis, a book about working moms in search of balance – the irony does not escape me. I try to keep my trips short, but when I leave I know it’s just a matter of time before my phone will ring with my youngest complaining that “Dad is so mean”. And so begins her recurring moan, which fuels my growing guilt that I have abandoned
my children yet again. You’d think that by the age of 11 Robyn would have outgrown wailing, but even my 18 year old is a wailer of note. Julian’s latest rant is that I was always at work and unable to study with her when she was younger, but am now able to spend hours helping her sister master the art of trappe van vergelyking, ensovoorts. I remind her that she wrote her first exam as an almost independent Grade 7 learner, while Robyn did her first in Grade 4. Parenting during exam time can be especially tough and while I understand that Julian has grounds for feeling slightly hard done by, her real frustration is the looming midyear matric exams. It’s easier to vent at Mom than to sit down and study. But I still feel guilty. I went back to work when she was only two weeks old so that she would have the best education I could afford, and she has done so much with the
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opportunities given to her. So wail away, I say to her – you have been (provisionally) accepted to a great university, which is a triumph for you and for me. *Note to features editor – run article on successfully dealing with a mother’s guilt. In our parenting issue this month, we look at some of the weighty issues we encounter as we raise our children; such as managing panic attacks, knowing our children’s legal rights and dealing with other parents who feel the need to compete. We also include some hearty winter recipes from dads, for the special men in our lives. Happy Father’s Day, especially to my husband who is left to carry the can (and deal with the girls’ moaning) when I am away.
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June 2013
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contents
june 2013
upfront
10 pregnancy news – fight the flu Marina Zietsman explains why pregnant women need the flu vaccine
3 a note from lisa 6 over to you readers respond 7 reader’s blog Anton Ressel says toddlers have their own distinct language
features
11 best for baby – tried and tested Lisa Witepski weighs up a few babyrelated theories
12 dealing with difference panic attacks can be frightening for a child. By Marc de Chazal
20 resource – online time-savers
14 keeping score are you pushing your child to be successful? Jennifer Stastny looks at competitive parenting
16 children have rights too Lindsay Herman looks at legal protection for minors
18 snow patrol Lisa Mc Namara and her family hit the pistes of the French Alps
31 delicious dishes for dads Child magazine asks two foodie dads to share their favourite winter recipe
health
Child magazine recommends apps and websites to make parenting a bit easier
21 a good read new books for the whole family
23 what’s on in june 30 finishing touch Anél Lewis says parenting can sometimes be as exhausting as running a marathon
classified ads 29 family marketplace 29 let’s party
9 an unnatural high avoid beverages with stimulants. By Vanessa Papas
regulars 8 upfront with paul your child will reach a point where they want to earn their own money. Encourage it, says Paul Kerton
this month’s cover images are supplied by:
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June 2013
Joburg
Cape Town
Durban
Pretoria
Colleen Sevitz Photography colleensevitz.co.za
Alexis Diack Photography alexisdiack.com
Tasha Seccombe Photography tashaseccombe.com
Daena Chanel Photography daenachanel.com
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June 2013
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letters
best for baby It is with great disappointment that I read your article “baby blessings” in your May 2013 issue. Here is my response: 1. To start the list with prepared formula shows a failure to take into account that only one to three percent of women truly cannot breast-feed. Choosing to formula-feed means putting one’s baby’s health at risk. Breast-feeding is the only feeding method babies have been designed for. Formulafeeding should, according to the World Health Organisation, only be used as a very last resort. 2. An all-in-one wet wipe and bum cream dispenser sounds very gimmicky. I have never heard any parent complain that it is difficult to do a nappy change without such a hands-free gadget. 3. A sleeping bag does have its uses, but one should also keep in mind that sleep-sharing is an excellent way of taking care of your baby’s nighttime needs. 4. Soothers: while a teething ring or teething object is definitely useful, a baby who sleeps with his mother and/or is allowed to fall asleep and be soothed at the breast will not need a special blanket or object for comfort. Frequent suckling, both for comfort and for food, is important to ensure an adequate milk supply. 5. Anti-colic bottles: most babies outgrow their colic or fussiness by the age of three months so mothers will not need to introduce these bottles. 6. A bath time kneeler pad: I am sure a pillow or folded towel will do the job just as well. Alternatively, there is the option of bathing baby with mom or dad, which is an opportunity for bonding and skin-to-skin contact. 7. A nipple shield can be used to overcome certain breast-feeding problems in a handful of cases, but it has the potential of causing more problems than solving
over to you
Let us know what’s on your mind. Send your letters or comments to marina@childmag.co.za or PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010.
formula was my only option
thanks to Child mag
One of the first things one learns as an expectant mother is that you should try to breast-feed for as long as possible. This is reiterated throughout your pregnancy, and enforced when you give birth. So I tried my best to breast-feed. After a couple of days in hospital where my breasts were manipulated (rather painfully and with much embarrassment for me) by countless nurses who each tried to teach me their preferred position for my baby to latch, I was sent home. My baby did not stop crying, would not latch and started to lose weight. I also could not stop crying, as I felt like a complete failure. We brought in a midwife and a lactation expert, who tried to help. But after a further three days, I had expressed less than 10ml of breast milk. I eventually admitted defeat and put my baby onto formula. But I felt so guilty when I went to the clinic and was one of only a handful of moms who whipped out a bottle, and not a breast, to feed my baby. I find it sad that we are so judgemental of moms who try to breast-feed, but cannot for whatever reason. So it was with interest that I read in your May issue that nipple shields were a saving grace for the moms you spoke to. In ardent pro-breast-feeding circles, a mere mention of anything that could make a mom’s life easier when it comes to feeding is taboo. We should remember that while breast milk is preferred, it’s not the only option. The goal should surely be to have a healthy baby, and a happy mom who knows that she’s doing the best that she can. Sheryl
I just want to say a big thank you to Child magazine. As an au pair now for many years, Child magazine is my hero. No matter what age group I am looking after, there is something helpful in every issue. I spent two years in America recently as an au pair and missed the easy access to activities, parties, and helpful hints that your magazine provides. Smon
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them. A mother will be well advised to only consider using a nipple shield once she has consulted a professional. 8. Baby slings and carriers are the one item with which I agree 100 percent. It keeps your baby happy, facilitates bonding, makes mom’s life a lot easier, helps to soothe a colicky baby, it saves space and is easier to carry around than a pram. You could have rather mentioned a good car seat that complies with all the safety standards. Ena du Plessis Childmag says Your comments and suggestions are all valid, but our article was a look at the non-essential, but nice-to-have items that make parenting in the first few months a bit easier. A car seat, as you suggest, should be an essential item that we hope every parent would buy to keep his or her baby safe in transit. We spoke to quite a few parents and these were some of the items that cropped up. Of course, breast-feeding is best, but there are women who do struggle, or who express because they have to return to work. We found that quite a few moms (and in fact in this case, a dad) felt the anti-colic bottles to be useful. If you have followed Child magazine over the past 10 years, you will know that we have never promoted formulafeeding over breast-feeding. However, we do believe in providing information in a non-judgmental manner; allowing our readers to make their own choices depending on their circumstances and needs. An article like this is naturally subjective, as it is based on the opinions of the parents who shared some of their preferred gadgets. We welcome hearing what else may have worked for other parents.
June 2013
it’s party time Thank you for such a well-timed article (“let’s celebrate”, May 2013), coming right before my daughter’s ninth birthday party. Here’s another suggestion for a party: the frozen chocolate bar. Freeze a block of chocolate and let the children try and eat it with a knife and fork, while throwing dice. Whoever throws doubles gets to start eating until somebody else throws a double and takes over. They have to put on gloves and a scarf before they can attempt to cut the chocolate. Pippa
good advice, but… I read the letter from Derrick Merber (“advice from yesteryear”, May 2013) with his remedy for easing teething issues. Maybe it works, and I would have liked to use it, but is it allowed? I’m sure he only meant for parents to rub a baby’s gums with alcohol, but what would happen if the alcohol was ingested by that little
body? If caught, the parent would surely be arrested? I would love to get more advice on dealing with a fever and whooping cough. Kgomotso Boikanyo
growing up too soon I am quite fascinated by all the pamper parties offered to young girls. What are the parents going to plan when these little ones turn 21 years old? Every day I see girls as young as Grade R level demanding iPads because they have behaved well or as a birthday present. Will their husbands be able to provide for all their demands one day? Entitlement and greed seem to drive these little girls to compete and outshine each other. Lilian Demetriou
just a mom I read Anél Lewis’ “finishing touch” (“again, again”, May 2013) and it’s as if she wrote a snippet of my life. I have a three year old and an 11 month old and it’s good to know I’m not the only mom who feels a little guilty at times for not paying enough attention to her children. Tammi subscribe to our newsletter and win Our wins have moved online. Please subscribe to our newsletter and enter our weekly competition. To subscribe, visit childmag.co.za
We reserve the right to edit and shorten submitted letters. The opinions reflected here are those of our readers and are not necessarily held by Hunter House Publishing.
Post a comment online at childmag.co.za
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reader’s blog
the bissiks are fint Conversations with a two year old will challenge your linguistic skills and expose you to a whole new world of words, says ANTON RESSEL.
PHOTOGRAPH: shutterSTOCK.COM
t
here are a lot of things they don’t tell you about becoming a parent. Sure, you are warned about the obvious stuff, like sleepless nights and the joys of changing nappies, but for some reason there are some rather important things that seldom get mentioned upfront. For example, no one ever told me that upon becoming a father, my linguistic skills would be changed forever. In fact, by the time my third son was born I could speak and understand a whole new language, one for which I have no name but a clear vocabulary and set of linguistic rules, some of which I will share with you here. Please note that this language is not the same as the obligatory “goo-goo ga-ga” style of discourse so favoured by seldom-seen aunts and other annoying types. This is an actual language with proper words, tone, inflection and a pedigree stretching back to the time when man first learnt to communicate with other men… and toddlers. First comes the adoption of a strange, lilting accent, characterised by a tendency to end each sentence in a higher note. Secondly, one finds oneself adding –ie or –y to just about every word possible, as in “Do you want some cakey?” This tenet even extends to names. My boys are
magazine durban
known as Taney, Lairdy and Heathie, and even though my wife swore that she would never sully their carefully chosen names in such a fashion, she cannot help herself either. I hope that as they grow older we will revert back to their proper names, but I’m not overly confident of this. Look at the Australians; they never grow out of this habit – Warnie, barbie, footie. Thirdly, you instinctively start to comprehend the meaning of words that those without children would not understand. When my youngest asked me for a “bissik”, I immediately knew that he really wanted a biscuit, which is not such a stretch in itself as the words are quite similar. The weird thing is that I now also call biscuits “bissiks”, and the new word seems to suit the subject matter just as well if not better than the old one. Then there are the words that all three of my boys have adapted for ease of pronunciation, as they have progressed through the early days of their linguistic journey. These include such timeless gems as “lellow” for yellow and “fint” for finished. The psychology behind this new language, and the willingness of grown people to talk like two year olds, is quite understandable. Whether right or not, we feel like we are communicating
better and more appropriately with our little ones when we use sentences like, “The bissiks are fint Heathie, rather have some of your bottie and then you can have a doods with bunny and blankie.” All I can be thankful for is that this toddler language does seem to be something that children grow out of, as attested by my nine year old, who has a voracious appetite for books and a wonderful vocabulary that shows no traces of the language of his earlier years. Except, of course, when he is conversing with his two-year-old brother, in which case he sounds just like Forrest Gump.
Readers, this is your column – it’s a space to air your views, share a valuable parenting lesson, vent your frustrations or celebrate your joys. Send your writing to features@childmag.co.za
June 2013
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upfront with paul
not just a job Your children’s first foray into the workplace will teach them responsibility, as well as the value of earning their own money. By PAUL KERTON
y
ou know your children are growing up when they want to get a weekend or holiday job, outside of the family home. It’s okay to get them to clean their room, sweep the patio or make breakfast to earn their pocket money, but real work as in the broader, arrive-on-time, do-what-you’re-told and put-your-backinto-it variety, is a very different beast. One has to tread carefully when using the words “work” and “children” together. It’s a notion charged with high emotion, conflicting opinions and a minefield of legalese, and it can elicit cautionary and scary buzzwords like “exploitation”. I have friends whose children have been appearing regularly in TV advertisements since they were four years old and who make more money than their parents. This sometimes involves hanging about
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June 2013
a film studio for days, after being carted from casting to casting, on top of a full school schedule. There comes a time when children are gripped by a primeval urge to go and experience what the workplace has to offer. And that isn’t a bad thing. They want to exert their individuality, show responsibility, experience the camaraderie and politics of the workplace and mix with grown-ups other than their parents. But above all, they want to make their own money – admirable motivations. And in return, work teaches them discipline, accountability, social skills and gives them a sense of values, realising how hard it is to make money basically. My daughters have spent ages and a small fortune making cookies, cards and “fashions” to sell in the neighbourhood
or at school. The Scouts and Girl Guides have always encouraged light work for nominal pay during what used to be called “bob-a-job week” to earn money for charity. But one’s first real job is invariably mundane – washing up, cleaning, waiting on tables or baby-sitting. Everyone has to start somewhere, even celebrities. Nicolas Cage started off selling popcorn, Jennifer Aniston was a telemarketer, Gwen Stefani waitressed, Mick Jagger was a hospital porter, Rod Stewart worked as a gravedigger and Whoopi Goldberg was a bricklayer. My first weekend job was washing up at a famous café called Betty’s, in the north of England. It was hot, sweaty and chaotic in the kitchen but I felt satisfied at the end of the day when everything was finished, and I collected my meagre wage packet.
The best advice is to steer your children towards something they are interested in. If your daughter likes fashion try and get her into a clothing shop or designer’s studio. If your son loves golf get him caddying at the local club. The rewards can be great. As a student I split my three-month summer holiday into two parts. For the first six weeks I worked 12-hour night shifts at a local paper mill cutting enormous five-metre, two-ton rolls of paper into manageable sizes using dangerous lifting and cutting machinery. It was pure agony but the money was substantial. Then I spent the next six weeks, and all the money I had made, running around Europe on a rail pass, which was pure, unadulterated joy. Work works. Follow Paul on Twitter: @fabdad1
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PHOTOGRAPH: MARIETTE BARKHUIZEN
Saskia, Paul and Sabina
health
i
n terms of new legislation that came into effect in March, energy and sports drinks must carry the warning: not recommended for children under the age of 12. Gauteng-based dietician Wendy Lord says it’s a caution that is long overdue. “There is a difference between sports drinks and energy drinks. Sports drinks are designed to replenish fluids lost during activity and typically contain water, electrolytes, carbohydrates and sugar while energy drinks have added caffeine and other ingredients to increase stamina and ‘boost’ performance. Both, however, aren’t suitable for children as they contain stimulants that are harmful to a child’s development,” says Wendy.
PHOTOGRAPH: shutterstock.com
stay away from stimulants “The majority of energy drinks contain high levels of caffeine, which medical experts classify as a ‘drug’. It is recommended that children consume less than 2,5mg of caffeine per kilogram of body weight a day. A child that weighs 40kg for example should not consume more than 100mg of caffeine per day. One cola drink contains 32mg of caffeine, a cup of instant coffee has 100mg, one bar of chocolate has 50mg and one bottle of an energy drink has 80mg – almost as much caffeine as a child should drink in a day. Add a chocolate bar or a cup of hot chocolate and the amount of caffeine exceeds the recommended daily limit.” Energy drinks also contain guarana, ginseng, taurine and B vitamins. At typical doses, the caffeine in guarana can cause insomnia, nervousness and restlessness, stomach irritation, nausea, vomiting, increased heart rate and blood pressure, rapid breathing, tremors, delirium, and diuresis (excessive urine production). Large doses might cause headaches, anxiety, agitation, ringing in the ears, pain when urinating, stomach cramps and irregular heartbeats.
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an unnatural high We know that some soft drinks are bad for children, but are energy and sports drinks a healthier alternative? VANESSA PAPAS finds out.
Ginseng is used to improve thinking, concentration, memory and physical stamina but can cause poisoning in infants and its safety is unknown in children. “The most common side effect of ginseng is insomnia,” says Wendy. “Less commonly, children may experience an increased heart rate, high or low blood pressure, headaches, loss of appetite, diarrhoea, itching or rash, dizziness and mood changes. There is no evidence that taurine is harmful but no evidence to suggest it isn’t either, and while B vitamins are involved in the release of energy from the food we eat, they do not actually provide energy.”
performance enhancing drinks Sports drinks contain large amounts of sugar and carbohydrates in the form of glucose. “A single serving of a sports drink contains about 27g or more of sugar – the equivalent of about five teaspoons. That’s a significant amount of extra energy in your child’s diet, which can lead to obesity and tooth decay. Adding to that is the high level of sodium in these drinks,” says Wendy. If your child is following a balanced diet and drinking sufficient water then they shouldn’t need anything extra. “These beverages offer a temporary solution that does not last very long, resulting in a drop in blood sugar that leaves your child feeling even more tired and drained. Rather offer a healthy snack, such as fresh or dried fruit, low-fat yoghurt, nuts, a low GI sandwich, popcorn or whole-wheat crackers with cheese, before and/or during a sporting event. When it comes to older children, especially during periods of stress such as exam time, it may be necessary to give a vitamin B supplement that will help with the release of energy from food and give your child the extra energy needed to study.”
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pregnancy news
fight the flu g
etting influenza, or the flu, can nearly double a pregnant woman’s risk of having a miscarriage or stillbirth, according to a study done by physician Camilla Stoltenberg of the Norwegian Institute of Public Health in Oslo. The researchers studied fetal death among 113 331 women pregnant during the H1N1 flu pandemic of 2009 and 2010. It found that unvaccinated women had a 25 percent higher risk of fetal death during this time than those who had received a flu jab. In women diagnosed with influenza, the risk of fetal death more than doubled. These results confirmed that getting the flu shot while pregnant is not only safe, it can lower the risk of a pregnant woman catching the flu by up to 70 percent.
why it’s advised “A pregnant woman is more likely to become seriously ill from the flu due to certain physiological changes (taking place) in the body during pregnancy,” says Minnaar. There are changes to the respiratory system, including the airways and sinuses; the cardiovascular system; the shape of the chest and the function of the diaphragm. But the most critical are the changes to her immune system, which would make her more susceptible to the virus or increase the likelihood that she could become severely ill, and maybe require admission to hospital. A high fever and serious illness could lead to a premature birth. If the mother gets the shot and starts producing antibodies against the flu virus, they will cross the placenta and also give the unborn child immunity. Minnaar says this is important as a baby can only get a flu shot after six months. A newborn with immunity from his mother’s antibodies will be protected from serious disease during this period.
Pregnant women are strongly advised to
allaying the fears
get a flu shot to protect their unborn baby.
Yet, many women still believe there are risks involved when you get a flu vaccine. Dr Karen Minnaar, a gynaecologist and obstetrician in Centurion, says, “Currently we are not aware of any risks to the fetus. Many women worldwide receive the flu shot and so far no adverse effects have been reported.” She adds that a pregnant woman may only receive the injected flu vaccine with the inactivated virus strains and not the nasal spray vaccine. “It is not recommended to receive the flu shot if you are already ill, but it is important to consider the benefit of the flu shot versus the small chance of a side effect.” In fact, the World Health Organization recommends pregnant women as the highest priority group for receiving the flu vaccine.
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when to get that shot Minnaar says a pregnant woman may receive the flu vaccine at any stage of gestation. “For maximum protection of the unborn child, the second and third trimester is recommended.” Minnaar reminds us that flu vaccines are seasonal and the previous year’s vaccine may not apply to this year’s new strain of the virus. Keep in mind that some pharmacies may require a prescription or consent from your obstetrician.
magazine durban
PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM
By Marina Zietsman
best for baby
tried and tested As a new mother, you’ve probably received all kinds of advice. But how many of these pieces of counsel are true? LISA WITEPSKI tests five common theories. reading or playing music to your fetus will make your baby smarter – false
PHOTOGRAPH: sHUTTERSTOCK.COM
Prenatal sonic stimulation, the scientific term for playing music to your unborn child, is said to have many benefits, from improving your baby’s attention span to enhancing cognition and developing sound sleeping patterns. But, says Dr Vas Pillay, a Joburg paediatrician, there’s no physical evidence to support this theory. On the plus side, listening to your favourite classical music will certainly benefit you during your pregnancy. “Music aids relaxation and the production of endorphins, and a relaxed mother means a relaxed baby.”
babies need to be bathed every day – false While any mom who has picked bits of butternut out of her baby’s hair knows that infants will probably need a wash after eating, they can actually skip the daily bath until they become mobile. In fact, overzealous and frequent washing can cause the skin to become dry. “But do clean the parts that are likely to become dirty, such as the neck where milk can collect in the folds,” Pillay says.
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the food you eat while breast-feeding affects your baby – true Pillay notes that there are three main food substances breast-feeding mothers should avoid or use in moderation: alcohol, caffeine and fish containing mercury. “It takes two to three hours for your breast-milk to clear of a certain food, so you can always ‘pump and dump’,” she says. When it comes to caffeine, it’s best to limit your intake to two or three cups of coffee or cola per day or you and your baby could become agitated and battle to sleep. Pillay says seafood contains mercury, and those sources which are known to contain high levels, such as mackerel and swordfish, should not be in your diet. “But don’t cut out fish altogether, as it’s a quality protein that’s rich in omega-3 fatty acids, and therefore ideal for replacing the calcium you lose through nursing and it ensures you produce nutritious milk.” Eat fish with midrange mercury levels such as tuna, in moderation. It’s not necessary to give spicy food the cold shoulder. The more flavours you introduce your baby to through your milk, the more easily they will take to eating solids.
excessive use of a dummy will make your baby’s teeth push forward – true Dummies could be useful when it comes to soothing a fretful infant; however, it is possible to overuse them. “Try to limit the number of hours that your child uses a dummy, and avoid using it past the age of four,” Pillay advises.
you will spoil a baby if you pick them up too much – false There is no evidence to suggest that you can “train” your baby to stop crying by refusing to pick them up, says Pillay, but there is plenty showing that holding a crying baby makes them feel secure and a secure baby grows into a confident child. “The more you interact with your baby, the better their self-esteem,” she states.
June 2013
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dealing with difference
don’t panic Episodes of intense fear can be terrifying, especially for children. MARC DE CHAZAL finds out more about panic attacks.
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definite catalysts – and is giving her skills to better cope with the symptoms, which include insomnia and stomach pain.
what is a panic attack? Our bodies have a natural fight-or-flight response to danger, and that’s a good thing, but a sudden episode of intense fear when there is no real danger or apparent cause can be debilitating, especially if it occurs often and is not treated effectively. Panic attacks trigger frightening physical symptoms and can make people feel as if they’re losing control, possibly having a heart attack or even dying. Many of us will experience a panic attack at some stage in our lives, usually during a stressful or traumatic situation. Recurring panic attacks, however, may mean that a person has panic disorder, a condition which tends to affect females more than males.
be aware of the signs Symptoms usually start manifesting in adolescence or early adulthood, but there are reported cases of young children being diagnosed with panic disorder. “The reason why there is an increase in young children experiencing a range of anxiety symptoms today is that more children are aware of stressful situations, such as their parents’ financial pressures or the stressors of a broken home, placing them in a heightened state known as magazine durban
PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM
m
egan*, 18, experienced her first full-blown panic attack when she was 15, although she had shown signs of extreme anxiety before puberty. She was travelling overseas with her aunt’s family when the panic attack struck. Megan and one of her cousins had both fallen ill on the flight, either from food poisoning or a stomach bug. “When she didn’t bounce back as fast as her cousin did, the panic attack kicked in,” explains her mom, Melissa Botha*, who describes her daughter as having a controlling personality and experiencing high anxiety since early childhood. “It was a snowball effect: feeling sick made her unable to eat or enjoy herself, which in turn made her feel that she was ruining the holiday for everyone else. It was also the longest time she’d been away from home without either of her parents, which possibly exacerbated her anxiety.” Back in South Africa, her family doctor prescribed antidepressants. Megan has continued to experience panic attacks since the overseas trip in 2010. In Grade 11 she was unable to complete a midyear maths exam due to an attack and then in the December holidays another illness triggered a prolonged attack. Cognitive behavioural therapy with a clinical psychologist has helped Megan become more aware of her anxiety triggers – maths tests and illness are
hypervigilance,” explains Cape Townbased clinical psychologist Rob Arnott. “Children who navigate their way through life being overly cautious, perfectionistic and achievement orientated often do so to overcompensate for a dysfunctional childhood. These children are also at risk of developing an anxiety disorder.”
a dark passenger We don’t know for sure what causes panic attacks or panic disorder, but mental health professionals have observed common factors that play a significant role, such as genetics. Megan’s mother has been diagnosed with generalised anxiety and her maternal grandmother also has panic disorder, so her condition is likely hereditary. Further contributing factors include major stress, a temperament predisposed to stress and a chemical imbalance in the brain impeding normal brain function. Trauma, such as physical or sexual abuse, also increases the risk of developing panic attacks.
the diagnosis If you suspect your child may have panic disorder, your healthcare practitioner will need to rule out a number of other conditions before settling on a diagnosis. Heart or thyroid problems can resemble panic symptoms, and substance abuse or other mental health conditions such as mood spectrum disorders can make someone more vulnerable to a panic attack. Treatment may involve psychotherapy and drug therapy. According to Cassey Amoore, operations director of the South African Depression and Anxiety Group, cognitive behavioural therapy is the most successful treatment for anxiety disorders. Arnott agrees, but adds that it may also be important to use exposure therapy. “Panic disorder can be situational and this may require gradual exposure to the situation in a nonthreatening manner, guided by a professional,” he says. The difficulty in diagnosing younger children is that they can’t always express what they’re feeling. “Children may have similar symptoms to adults, but just express them in different ways,” explains Arnott. “Somatic reactions, or bodily disturbances, may express unconscious feelings. These can include chronic headaches, muscle stiffness, stomach problems, heart palpitations, shivering and shaking.”
documents what she thinks triggers an attack, her most frightening physical feelings during an attack, the intensity of emotion she experiences, what she thought was the worst that might happen to her, and then an assessment of her response to the situation. The aim is to help her settle on a more rational and balanced perspective. Horse riding has also proved to be a calming influence, so she rides as often as possible. “I realise that my daughter is constantly dealing with issues internally that may give rise to a panic attack, so keeping a thought record is a really useful tool for her to keep track of her progress,” says Melissa. “I especially know when her panic is escalating because she’ll refuse to go out with friends and she is more reserved than usual.” Agoraphobia often accompanies panic disorder. A person will avoid places or situations that cause anxiety, often because they fear not being able to escape or get help if they get a panic attack. We can’t control life’s stressful situations, but children and young adults such as Megan who get recurring panic attacks can learn to manage their symptoms and still enjoy a healthy quality of life despite any setbacks. * Names have been changed.
read the signs A panic attack will usually happen suddenly and without warning, which is why they can be so frightening. According to the Mayo Clinic, panic attacks typically include a number of the following symptoms: • a sense of impending doom or danger; • fear of loss of control or death; • rapid heart rate; • sweating; • trembling; • shortness of breath; • hyperventilation; • chills; • hot flushes; • nausea; • abdominal cramping; • chest pain; • headache; • dizziness; • faintness; • tightness in the throat; and • trouble swallowing.
managing the condition Megan’s current treatment is a combination of medication and cognitive behavioural therapy. She takes a daily antidepressant and a sleeping tablet, and keeps a tranquillizer on hand for any panic attacks. She also takes specific medication for stomach cramps and a probiotic. Her psychologist has encouraged her to keep a panic attack thought record, which magazine durban
where to get help The South African Depression and Anxiety Group (Sadag) has numerous online resources and support groups. Contact: 011 262 6396 or visit sadag.org for a support group in your area.
June 2013
13
parenting
keeping score Who would have thought that raising a child is a competitive sport?
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Jennifer Stastny examines the dark side of pushy parenting.
othing turns me into a competitive parent quicker than a developmental milestone. Sitting by six months? Mine did it by five. Walking unassisted by a year? Mine had it down pat with two weeks to spare. Talking in three-word sentences by 24 months? Please, mine was talking fluently and quoting Kahlil Gibran – okay, Noddy – by 15 months. Take that, Postman Pat. I’m not the first mother to feel competitive about her child, and I will certainly not be the last. Indeed, many parents argue that their competitiveness is exactly what their children need – a little bit of a “push” to do their best. They feel that they would be failing as parents if they didn’t urge their children to excel. After all, isn’t it a parent’s job to prepare their child for the demands of the real world?
Perhaps we would be easier on our children if our “mommy marks” were ranked and posted on a notice board at the end of each year. As it is, parents are left drifting in a world of uncertainty with few guidelines, so we pounce on our children’s school marks and sporting accolades instead.
lifting the yoke
don’t push too hard They may have a point, but they’re playing a dangerous game, experts say. “Parental pressure can compromise a child’s sense of self-worth and strain parent-child relationships,” says Alison Breen, a clinical psychologist in Cape Town. “The child can get the message that he is loved for what he achieves rather than for who he is. He can then become addicted to success as a way to feel loved, in effect inheriting his parents’ competitiveness. This can leave him vulnerable to depression and anxiety later in life.” Ironically, research shows that parental pressure may actually reduce a child’s performance, motivation and enjoyment of an activity, says Breen. “I find it hard to believe that the child of the mother who forced her son to count in front of me, just to prove that he could after an unfavourable report card, will take a shining to maths,” says Cape Town nursery school teacher Jean de Groot. “What a child does at home and at school can be totally different. Some children are very shy at school. Forcing him to count in front of me, when he clearly didn’t want to, did nothing to boost his confidence or make him want to perform better.” Your child may thrive under your brand of parental encouragement – or he may secretly be wilting under the weight of your expectations. The only way to know for sure is to ask, says Mark Connelly, a Cape Townbased psychologist. “Start a genuine conversation around competition with your child and listen to his response. Then think about how your child’s feelings may play out in five or 10 years’ time. Is this the kind of relationship you want with him?” asks Connelly. “If your competitiveness is not creating the kind of connection you want, you may need to make changes.” I’m not proud of my competitiveness. I try to hide it, both from other parents and from my daughter as I’m quite aware that she may one day buckle under the pressure of my expectations and run off to live as a hippie in the mountains. Or worse; I may pass my competitiveness on to her, and she may end up driving herself too hard to achieve. This is a real concern for one of my friends, a competitive sort whose 10-year-old daughter is growing to be equally
What’s a parent to do, other than become competitively “uncompetitive”? There’s only one real solution: opt out of the competitive spiel entirely. “Competitiveness creeps in when a parent focuses on the child’s achievements compared to others rather than the child’s efforts,” says Connelly. “One anticompetitive tactic might be to ask yourself, am I proud of my child because she came first, or because she made an effort?” Focusing on the effort will shift your thinking out of the comparative headspace and create new ways to relate to and encourage your child. This will allow both of you to relax about your child’s performance and simply enjoy how far she has come, rather than bemoan how far she still has to go. It may also help to stop and reconsider the personal values that are making you feel competitive; values that you may well have inherited from your own parents. “I think competitive parenting is a symptom of a much deeper issue regarding the values of modern life, where success and material wealth are confused with happiness,” says Breen. “You won’t be able to change your unhealthy competitive behaviours unless you also challenge your underlying belief that winning is everything.”
Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world, and one in which most parents are deeply invested in doing well at.
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competitive. “She’s the kind of child who, if she can’t do something really well in the first attempt, won’t press on and try again. Either she’s brilliant, or it doesn’t figure in her life,” says my friend. “I can see this posing a problem for her later, but have absolute sympathy for her as I’m the same.”
Where does this competitive urge come from? From your parents, yes, but also from just being human. Homo sapiens have evolved psychologically and physically to size themselves up against others. “We are wired to be sensitive to what others think and feel about us, as being seen in a positive light is good for fostering relationships, and as such is both physically and mentally adaptive,” says Breen. “However, when you place this tendency to compare in a society that values success above everything else, the neutral act of comparison takes on a competitive edge.” In short, the modern world changes the tool nature provided to make you a better, happier person into a psychological battering ram that relentlessly pushes you to outperform everyone else. The problem is that it’s extremely difficult to “win” as a parent. “Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world, and one in which most parents are deeply invested in doing well at,” says Breen. “It’s easy to feel insecure about your performance. Some parents overcompensate for this feeling by pushing their children too hard. They believe that if their child is successful, it means they are good parents and can feel good about themselves.”
There will come a time when you will be faced with a parent more openly and virulently competitive than yourself. This is not the time to square up and tell them their competitiveness is merely a symptom of their skewed, unchallenged values and deep-seated insecurities as a parent. Rather take an emotional step backwards and remind yourself that their competitiveness is their issue in their life. “Entering into the fray is pointless,” says Connelly. “Rather focus on your relationship with your child. Remember that she is wonderful the way she is. Quietly acknowledge the other child’s efforts, and then move away. Find parents who share your values and who are inspirational. If escape is not an option and you can successfully avoid getting locked into a competitive two-step, you could also try defusing the competitive parent with praise. “It’s often the parents who feel the least confident that behave the most competitively,” says Breen. “Without being insincere or putting yourself or your child down, give these parents what they are silently asking for – validation and reassurance. It may be useful to have a standard phrase like ‘that’s great’.” Sometimes a parent’s competitiveness revolves less around his or her child’s accomplishments and more magazine durban
PHOTOGRAPHs: shutterSTOCK.COM
when you’re not the competitive one the compete package
around who can be the most involved and self-sacrificing parent in the pack. When faced with such a creature, think on these wise words from Alison Budge, a Cape Townbased freelance journalist and mother of two tweens: “Competitive types compete for glory. I deliberately let them run with their own brilliance and compliment them on their actions, and then I hold on to their shirt tails. They get all the glory but I get the action and information I need to make my life smoother.” Yes, it can be satisfying to achieve and difficult to resist the competitive urge, especially when another
parent’s competitiveness is triggering your own need to excel. But being the best shouldn’t be your only goal – for yourself, or for your children. Life would be very dull if we didn’t also get enjoyment out of the effort involved in pursuing a goal, whether or not we come first. To quote Dr Seuss, who somehow manages to simultaneously rhyme and be wise: “Oh! The places you will go! There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored! There are games to be won! And the magical things you can do with that ball will make you the winning-est winner of all.”
five clues that you may be a competitive parent • • • • •
Other parents avoid you at the school gates. You enrol your child in every extramural under the sun without asking what he or she actually wants to do. Your child asks you to stop coming to sports events. You hire a tutor for your child even though he’s getting straight Bs. You do online quizzes to find out if your child is an underachiever.
magazine durban
June 2013
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fyi
children have rights too
As minors, children are legally unable to make certain decisions. So it’s our responsibility to ensure that their rights are protected. By LINDSAY HERMAN
Parents all over South Africa were snapped out of their reverie early this year when they learnt that a three-year-old girl had spent a night in police lockup with her father who was arrested for alleged drunk driving. He had been on his way to the shop with his daughter, who was wearing her pyjamas, in the car. But the allegation that he may have been drinking while driving, and worse still, with a toddler in the car, took a backseat when a picture of the little girl lying in a police cell made front page news. It is alleged that police officers refused to take the toddler home or let her father call someone to fetch her. Her father says police even refused to give her a drink of water when she wouldn’t stop crying. The matter is now being looked into by the police’s investigative directorate. However, regardless of the details or outcome, cases like these turn the spotlight on children’s rights.
what the law says According to the Centre for Child Law at the University of Pretoria, there’s no principle legislation that prescribes the procedure the South African Police Service (SAPS) should follow in these circumstances. But they do have internally formulated policies to provide guidance. If a parent is arrested while a child is in their care, the baby or toddler may be kept with the parent in a single cell, especially if the mother is still nursing. The police should then contact a family member or a family friend to fetch the child. If no one is available, the child will remain with the parent. The centre’s Morgan Courtenay says, “In cases where the offence committed by the parent shows irresponsible behaviour towards the child – such as driving under the influence – a social worker may be contacted, and care and protection proceedings instituted.” Section 28 of the South African Constitution specifically deals with the rights of a child, described by the Bill of Rights as a person under the age of 18. One of its provisions is that children should “not be detained except as a measure of last resort”. In such a case, the child may be detained only for the “shortest appropriate period of time”. Children also have the right to be kept separately from other detainees over the age of 18 years. The Constitution is quite clear that children should be treated in a manner, and kept in conditions, that take the child’s age into account.
The complainant was also of the opinion that the newspaper in question failed to put control measures in place to ensure children weren’t able to access such advertisements. But Asasa dismissed the complaint, saying it did not contravene the Code of Advertising Practice and the women portrayed in the advertisement were no less scantily clad than one might find “on a beach, or in a surfing or summer catalogue”. As such it said it couldn’t make a finding that it is likely to cause harm to children. Similarly, Asasa also dismissed a complaint regarding a billboard in Kempton Park, advertising an adult entertainment guide. The complainant said the billboard was in a public space, on a busy road, where young children were exposed to it and could thus be influenced to visit the internet site advertised. The internet service said it had put measures in place to prevent children from accessing the content. Again, Asasa found the billboard did not contravene its Code of Advertising Practice. “It is not for the Asasa to determine whether, morally or legally, this type of business should be discouraged,” it said. But what about cases where children themselves are the subjects of media articles or photographs? Director of the Press Council Joe Thloloe says there was a time when this issue was a concern, but with the vast majority of publications now adhering to the Bill of Rights, various children’s laws and the press code, very few complaints are received.
A child’s best interests are of paramount importance in every matter concerning the child.
what the law says about children in photographs
In a world where we are bombarded by all kinds of media messages coming to us through newspapers, magazines, television, billboards and increasingly online, parents are constantly on the lookout for material that could be inappropriate for young minds. But there are no laws that specifically protect children from such messages.
In complaints that a child’s photograph has been used in a publication or online without parental consent, the Press Council uses the Bill of Rights and section 28.2 as its guide; in particular the provision that states: “A child’s best interests are of paramount importance in every matter concerning the child.” Thloloe says, “The proviso here is that no harm should come to the child. That’s the bottom line.” The Press Council’s code also states that the press should exercise “exceptional care and consideration when reporting about children under the age of 18”. Accordingly, a child shall not be interviewed, photographed or identified unless a custodial parent or responsible adult consents, or a public interest is evident. Ann Skelton, director of the Centre for Child Law, explains that unless a child is involved in criminal proceedings as a witness or a complainant, or is the subject of a custody battle, there is “no absolute prohibition” on the publication of information that identifies a child. “Generally the agreement to be identified can be negotiated with a parent, but sometimes parents don’t know what is in their child’s best interests.” Thloloe adds, “If a child is scoring a goal in a soccer match, there’s no need to obtain permission. It doesn’t harm the child; rather it’s elevating his status.”
what the law says about advertising
what the law says about children in advertisements
The Centre for Child Law says, “Only advertising and programming that may be of an adult nature and thus unsuitable for children may not be aired.” In February, the Advertising Standards Authority of SA (Asasa) dismissed two separate complaints about advertisements that related to sex. The complainant felt that a print advertisement promoting an sms sex service was provocative and inappropriate for children who also read newspapers.
As with the Press Council, the Asasa has its own guidelines regarding the portrayal of children in adverts. Violations are determined by whether a child has been or could be harmed. “Advertisements addressed to or likely to influence children should not contain any statement or visual presentation, which might result in harming them mentally, morally, physically or emotionally.”
children and the media
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June 2013
magazine durban
PHOTOGRAPHS / ILLUSTRATIONS: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM
detention of a minor
Adverts may not depict a particular activity or circumstances that will have the likely effect that children would attempt to emulate it and thereby risk physical, moral or mental harm. These would include advertisements that encourage children to enter strange places, have a conversation with a stranger, or play in an unsafe area. The general principle of the code is: “Advertisements should not exploit the natural credulity of children or their lack of experience and should not strain their sense of loyalty.” They should not be portrayed as sexually appealing, provocative or in any manner that involves forms of sexual innuendo.
what the law says about marketing to children While the law may not be prescriptive on the rights of children not to be faced with inappropriate marketing, at least 30 South African food, beverage, retail and fast-food outlets have voluntarily committed to change the way they market and advertise to children. The pledge was initiated by the Consumer Goods Council of South Africa (CGCSA) to emphasise nutritional awareness and promote responsible marketing to children. “This pledge is an important milestone in indicating this industry’s commitment to the global strategy on diet, physical activity and health in improving nutrition and promoting a healthy lifestyle,” says CGCSA spokesperson Nick Tselentis. The companies have committed not to advertise products to children 12 years and under, where they represent at least 50 percent of the target market, except for products which fulfil specific nutritional criteria. Asasa also administers a Code of Advertising Practice, which includes a Food and Beverage Code. This code extends to TV advertising and marketing on, or in close proximity to, preschool or primary school premises. It also addresses product endorsements and marketing promotions aimed at children. For information on the Sexual Offences Act, visit childmag.co.za/content/child-rights
magazine durban
the Bill of Rights 1. Every child has the right a. to a name and a nationality from birth; b. to family care or parental care, or to appropriate alternative care when removed from the family environment; c. to basic nutrition, shelter, basic health care services and social services; d. to be protected from maltreatment, neglect, abuse or degradation; e. to be protected from exploitative labour practices; f. not to be required or permitted to perform work or provide services that i. are inappropriate for a person of that child’s age; or ii. place at risk the child’s wellbeing, education, physical or mental health or spiritual, moral or social development; g. not to be detained except as a measure of last resort, in which case, in addition to the rights a child enjoys under sections 12 and 35, the child may be detained only for the shortest appropriate period of time, and has the right to be i. kept separately from detained persons over the age of 18 years; and ii. treated in a manner, and kept in conditions, that take account of the child’s age; h. to have a legal practitioner assigned to the child by the state, and at state expense, in civil proceedings affecting the child, if substantial injustice would otherwise result; and i. not to be used directly in armed conflict, and to be protected in times of armed conflict. 2. A child’s best interests are of paramount importance in every matter concerning the child. 3. In this section “child” means a person under the age of 18 years.
June 2013
17
getaway
snow patrol Novice skier LISA MC NAMARA shares some advice she wishes she had known before hitting the slopes.
i
f you mention that you’re going on a skiing holiday, people are bound to say, “Oh, what a wonderful family holiday, you’ll have so much fun.” And that’s all anyone ever tells you. I wish there were some things people had told me before we embarked on this long-saved-for excursion. While skiing is great fun, it is not for the faint-hearted.
so why go? It really is a great way to have a lot of fun as a family, regardless of the ages and stages of your children, or whether you have girls or boys. I saw moms with babies who were happy to pull them round on toboggans all day, while others handed over their charges to welltrained nannies before hitting the slope for a few hours. This sport is also a great leveller, as being older certainly doesn’t make you fare better. It is all about being confident and relaxed, which is probably why children are much faster learners.
when to go? Preferably when there is snow, and plenty of it. You are usually safe if you visit from December to February (in the northern hemisphere), but check first with the resort you have chosen. Ask about their weather patterns for the past few years and find out at what altitude they are located. One more thing, skiing is tiring, so if you are planning on combining your trip with any other excursions or destinations, such as Disneyland Paris, I would suggest that you save the slope action for last.
where to go? Fabulous skiing is to be had on just about every continent. We chose to go to France, as we wanted to use our air miles and could connect easily to Paris via London. We opted for a fairly large, family-focused resort that had opened the previous year. While my husband and I are not huge fans of crowds or buffet food, these larger resorts are geared for families. My children were able to take charge of their own routines, their ski gear and decide on their general entertainment. As the resort is child-safe, with place for children to play, they were able to enjoy an independence they seldom get to experience at home. Our only rule was that we had to have breakfast and dinner together, which mostly worked. Visiting a French resort has its pros and cons. The food was a definite plus, as the French are fussy about their cuisine and there was something special at every meal that made queuing worthwhile. On the down side, many of the other families were French-speaking and our children battled to make friends because of the language barrier. However, we were fortunate to bump into three families we knew well from school and the children had a
Robyn in her mixand-match ski gear
ball. If you are going to a foreign resort, it is worth considering going with another family, or finding out if anyone you know is going to be there at the same time. Robyn celebrated her 11th birthday at the resort and we ended up having a wonderful dinner for 17, complete with balloons, a beautiful cake courtesy of the hotel and gifts from the hotel shop. Our resort was particularly suited to “debutant skiers”, with a great ski school, plenty of gentle slopes – graded as blue and green – and skiing from the door. Our lockers were literally three metres from the door onto the slopes, which meant no lugging skis and poles on and off buses or trams. I can’t emphasise how pleasant that was and it will certainly be a deciding factor in any future ski trips. Another reason we chose the resort was because it was situated just above a tiny village, with buses running there on the hour. I enjoyed getting away from the resort for a bit of shopping, a quick pizza, or a beer among the locals.
Club Med Valmorel in the French Alps
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The staff will help you pick boots that won’t cut off your circulation, skis that are the right length for your ability – or lack thereof in my case, ski poles and a helmet which is recommended for all skiers, not just the children. They will then assign each family member a locker with an access card. Make sure you have signed up for ski school and that you have your ski pass securely zipped in your jacket pocket as losing it can be costly and time consuming. I must emphasise the benefit of hiring a private ski instructor for the first two or three days. We hired one for three mornings and when we joined our beginner group in the afternoon, we found our progress to be twice that of the others. This was definitely an indication of the ski instructor’s skill, not ours. It was a breeze to sign Julian up for a class, as she had skied a few times before. But for Robyn, it was a bit trickier as she was too young to join our group and had to go to the children’s ski school. She was initially excited to ski with mates of her own age, but when she got to the class, her face fell. The average age of the other beginners was five – French children learn to ski pretty much at the same time they learn to walk. magazine durban
PHOTOGRAPHS: lisa mc namara / bruno van loocke
upon arrival
Disappointed, Robyn announced that she was not going back to ski school. But after a good lunch and a jump to the “snowflakes” class, she settled in to skiing with children who now at least came up to her shoulder. In hindsight, I probably should have signed her up for a few afternoons of private lessons at the beginning of the week.
The best time to ski in the French Alps is from December to February
10 things you need to do before you go: 1 Save, so that you can make the most of what’s on offer. 2 Get fit. 3 Make sure you have the correct travel insurance. Your medical aid may include cover for travel, but check whether your insurance covers skiing, which is considered an adventure sport. 4 Borrow as much kit as you can and don’t worry what the trendy set think of your handme-downs. For some, the slopes double as a catwalk and what’s “in” often depends on what country you come from. Your chances of actually working it all out are slim, so leave it to the Russians and relax in your mix-and-match. What you can’t borrow, buy from a retailer like Cape Union Mart. They have everything you need and the quality is good. 5 Decide whether you will concentrate on snowboarding or opt for skiing. If you are going for a week, and need lessons, it’s unlikely that you will be able to do both. 6 Book private ski lessons at the hotel or resort. The quicker you get those skis parallel, the sooner you’ll be able to explore the slopes and restaurants on them by yourself. 7 Find out if there is a do-it-yourself laundry as this will cut down on what you need to take with you. 8 Enquire what restaurants or other entertainment are on offer and prebook if you can. Book a babysitter while you are at it. 9 Ask about your airline’s luggage restrictions and whether there are any that apply to the trains or buses you may be using. We thought we were quite organised and had one large suitcase with all the ski stuff in it, only to find that the suitcase was too large to fit through the station’s turnstile in Paris. 10 Discuss ground rules with your children regarding meal times, the acceptable amount of hot chocolate to be consumed in a day and their curfew. This becomes even more important if you are travelling with another family.
what you need to pack: • ski socks – three pairs each; • thermal long johns/leggings and vests; • zip-up fleece – at least two each; • beanie, ear warmer or hat that stays on in the wind; • goggles or sunglasses for the glare; • moon boots or some kind of ankle supporting snow boots when you remove your ski boots – children can use their gumboots for tobogganing; • warm, waterproof gloves – I swopped my gloves for down mittens and found them warmer and quicker to take on and off when negotiating ski lifts; • ski pants and jacket; • tissues and sunscreen; • a book of useful phrases in the language of the country you’re visiting.
and if there’s still space in your luggage • A GoPro camera that will allow you to take action shots while zooming down the slopes; • A knee brace, if you have dodgy knees like me.
useful French words and phrases lift pass children’s ski area ski school drag lift slow down beginners not allowed ice run closed left right help! watch out mulled wine a beer please hot chocolate
un forfait jardin de neige l’ ecole de ski teleski ralentir debutants interdit glace piste ferme gauche droit au secours! attention vin chaud une bière s’il vous plait chocolat chaud
how to be fitness-ready for a skiing holiday Lander and Pursad Biokineticists at the Sports Science Institute of South Africa suggest you do the following to ensure your family is ready to hit the snow. Skiing requires endurance, so do 25 to 40 minutes of cardiovascular workouts three times per week. • If you go to the gym, the elliptical trainer will target the muscles you use while skiing, especially your upper body and quadricepshamstring coordination. • Outdoor sports such as trail running or cycling will challenge your cardiovascular fitness and lower body strength and balance, while rollerblading also helps with balance. • Skiing is made up of short, repeated bursts of exercise. Prepare for this by doing your favourite cardio exercise in a twenty-minute sequence. • Having strong quadriceps is important for holding a bent-knee position and for knee stability. Squats with your back supported by a wall are great for this. Strong hamstrings and glutes will help with pelvic stability, which you’ll need to maintain the forward bent position. Try bridging exercises for this. Calf raises will strengthen the lower leg muscles, which are relied on for stability at the ankle joint. • Strong core stability will help with your balance and take strain off your lower back. Try the plank and the side plank to improve these muscles. Dynamic balance work will decrease your risk of injury and provide stability on the slopes. Stand with one leg on a Bosu ball or another unstable surface and maintain your balance. Incorporate stretches into your routine, focusing on hamstrings, quadriceps, calves and glutes to help with recovery and to prevent injury.
Julian, right, and her friend Rebecca
magazine durban
June 2013
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resource
online time-savers Losing track of playdates, extramurals and even your budget? CHILD MAGAZINE recommends five applications and five websites that can help make parenting a bit easier.
t
nalibali.org
hese applications will help you stay organised. Visit the suggested websites to find out if the application is compatible with the operating system of your computer, smartphone or tablet. While many of the applications are free, these may be the “lite” version with fewer features, and you may have to pay to access the premium content.
This website is packed with inspiration and tips for reading more with your children, and for encouraging them to read more widely. There are storytelling guides, advice for reading with children of different ages, and activities you can do to encourage reading. Find a reading club in your area and see what books have been recommended, by age group, language and theme. This site is an invaluable resource for parents.
cozi family organiser
home budget with synch Visit: anishu.com This makes it so much easier to draw up and keep a family budget. You can set up recurring bills, take photographs of receipts and get reminders when accounts are due. Share with other family members, so that you all have access to important information.
23snaps Visit: 23snaps.com You’ve probably got thousands of photographs and video clips of your children, doing everything from taking their first steps to running their first race or performing in the end-of-year play. Use this application to save and share these images with others. You can upload an unlimited number of files and privately share them with loved ones living nearby or far away. This is a convenient way to record your family’s milestones and special moments.
mediclinic baby Visit: mediclinic.co.za/pregnancyapp This free application provides new parents with all the information they need to prepare for their baby’s arrival. Sign in for weekly progress updates and answers to frequently asked questions. There is a weight tracker to monitor your pregnancy
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kznsc.org weight gain, you can create a special video of your nine month journey and it has a handy calendar so you won’t forget your next doctor’s appointment. There is also a contraction timer, so that you can get to the hospital in good time.
iRewardChart Visit: irewardchart.com This allows you to monitor and reward your child’s good behaviour. Similar apps are ChoreMonster, which comes up with ways to make chores for children between the ages of four and 12 more fun, and iEarnedThat, which creates a photo of the reward, and divides it into puzzle pieces according to however many days you’ve given the child to complete a task.
Best Baby Monitor App
novelt y applic ation
Visit: bestbabymonitor app.com Using two iOS devices, parents are able to transmit videos and audio directly from their baby’s cot using the built-in Bluetooth connection. With the added features of night vision, three famous lullabies, a talk-to-baby feature and an activity log you can be sure that you and your baby will both get a restful night’s sleep. It’s a great app for when you’re travelling and don’t want to pack a bulky monitor.
useful websites or forums eduexcel.co.za
Your son is loath to pick up a book and study, while your daughter is happy to spend hours reading in her room. Are you interested in understanding learning styles, and why boys and girls do things differently? Gavin Keller, an educator and parent of two boys, keeps pace with international trends on neurolearning. Visit the site to find out more about his presentations. Gavin also recommends books every parent and teacher should read.
education.gov.za This government website will give you updated information about the national education policy, school fees, guidelines for school governing bodies and the school calendar. Learners will find links to exam-support websites, study guides and other helpful sources. This is a good place to start if you are looking to find out more about schooling options, the curriculum and the latest education news.
childsafe.org.za As a campaign of the Child Accident Prevention Foundation of Southern Africa and Safe Kids Worldwide, Childsafe offers safety tips and advice for the car, home, in water and on the playground. There’s information about keeping your child safe, from birth to the age of five, as well as invaluable advice about the storage of potentially hazardous substances and medicines. There’s even a guide to choosing the right swimming teacher for your child.
If you’re looking for something different yet educational to do with the children, check out the weekend and holiday programmes of the science centre in your area. There should be something for children of all ages, and many activities are aligned with the school curriculum, which makes for an enriching, fun experience.
time-savers • Find out if your bank has an application that will allow you to access your account, make payments and manage your finances from your smartphone or tablet. • Weather applications will ensure that you’re not caught out at sports’ day without a rain jacket. Popular options are accuweather. com and windguru.cz if you want to know details about wind direction and cloud cover. • Subscribe to online magazines and books so you always have access to your reading material. • Need directions to a party, or the nearest school in your area? An application that lists nearby attractions could save you plenty of time and petrol. Use Google Maps and other location applications. • Applications or programmes that allow you to monitor and restrict your child’s access to the internet will be invaluable as their smartphone or online connectivity increases. Your options include netnanny.com, netparent.co.za and mobiflock.com
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PHOTOGRAPH: shutterstock.com
Visit: cozi.com This useful calendar application synchronises with all your family members’ devices, so everyone is kept in the loop about daily tasks, extramurals, appointments and reminders. There is one account for the whole family, which makes it easy to manage. You can share shopping lists, meal plans and family photos and it will synchronise with your calendars on other devices.
books
a good read for toddlers Happy Hector By Polly Dunbar
The Paper Dolls By Julia Donaldson and Rebecca Cobb
(Published by Walker Books, R92) Inspired picture-book creator Polly Dunbar brings you this colourful and charming series, following the escapades of Tilly and her friends, for toddlers from the age of two years old. Hector is so happy sitting on Tilly’s lap, while the others keep themselves busy. Tumpty and Doodle are playing with their toy cars. Pru is happily combing her feathers and Tiptoe is painting a lovely picture. Until they all see how much fun it is to sit on Tilly’s lap and decide to join in and spoil it for Hector. He slumps off, feeling lonely and sad. But Tilly knows just how to show Hector how special he is to her. She has painted a picture just for him.
(Published by Macmillan Children’s Books, R99) This is a story of one little girl and her five paper dolls, called Ticky, Tacky, Jackie the Backie, Jim with two noses and Jo with the bow. The string of paper dolls goes on an adventure through the house and out into the garden. They escape the clutches of the toy dinosaur and the jaws of the oven-glove crocodile, but then a very real pair of scissors threatens. The paper dolls stay in the little girl’s memory, and when she grows up and becomes a mom herself, she helps her little girl to make paper dolls. This rhythmical story reminds us of childhood, memories and the power of imagination.
for preschoolers
for early graders
ic a class r tale fo today
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The Story of Angulimala, The Story of Buddha, What is Buddhism? and What is Meditation? By Geshe Kelsang Gyatso
The Happy Prince Adapted by Carole Bloch and Margaret Sixel; illustrated by Joan Rankin (Published by Jacana Media, R88) From his high pedestal, the Happy Prince, a magnificent golden statue, can see all the misery of the city below him. He begs a little swallow to pluck off his treasure and share it among the poor. When the Happy Prince asks his new friend to stay and help him, the swallow receives a lesson in kindness and caring. Oscar Wilde’s timeless, compassionate tale of their friendship is brought to life by Joan Rankin’s magical artwork. Beloved since it was first published in 1888, this story will be enjoyed by both adults and children. The books are also available in Afrikaans, Sesotho, isiZulu and isiXhosa.
(Published by Tharpa Publications, R80 each) This Buddhism for Children series starts with The Story of Angulimala, which introduces children to Buddhism. The Story of Buddha is level two in the series. This teaches children that Buddha’s life is as relevant today as it was 2 500 years ago. Level three in the series, What is Buddhism?, invites the reader to explore and develop their mind by using scientific methods taught by Buddha. In the level four book, What is Meditation?, children learn that meditation is the way to make the mind peaceful, and therefore happy. Books can be bought at the Kadampa centres or at tharpa.com/za
Barbie – I can be… series (Published by the Empire Group, R29,99 each) In this series of books, Barbie and her friends get a taste of different exciting careers. In the first book, Barbie and her best friend Teresa fly to Paris to perform as ballerinas with a French dance school. In the second book, Barbie gets the opportunity to become a vet and live out her passion and love for animals. In the third book she is a teacher who tells her class about other exciting job opportunities they can strive for. The books are perfect to read to younger children, and can also be used as early readers. With the colourful illustrations, our heroine looks her prettiest on every page, as only Barbie can. magazine durban
Milly-MollyMandy’s Spring By Joyce Lankester Brisley
Horrid Henry’s Rainy Day and Horrid Henry’s Food By Francesca Simon (Published by Orion Books, R153 and R76) In this early reader it’s raining and Horrid Henry is fed up. Until he decides to write his will. But why should Henry be the only one giving away his treasures? It’s much more fun getting stuff from other people. Horrid Henry’s Food is packed with all kinds of weird, hilarious and horrid information. Did you know, for example, that carrots used to be purple? It also answers some very important, and not so important questions. How long does it take for food to reach your stomach? Will eating crusts really make your hair curly? And if you really wanted to know: 1 000 species of insects are eaten, in 80 percent of countries. The Horrid Henry early reader series is perfect for children from the age of five to seven.
(Published by Macmillan Children’s Books, R85) Milly-Molly-Mandy has lots of friends, but her favourite companions are Little-Friend-Susan and Billy Blunt. Together they have exciting adventures and even get into trouble sometimes. Read about Milly-MollyMandy and her friends as they run races, rescue little rabbits and play tricks on one another. Young readers will love discovering MillyMolly-Mandy for the first time. In this edition, spring has arrived and Milly-Molly-Mandy and her friends can have even more adventures. Join them as they pick flowers, have a picnic and throw a surprise party.
Edinburgh – A Three-dimensional Expanding City Skyline Illustrated by Nina Cosford (Published by Walker Books, R75) This is a beautifully illustrated cut-paper souvenir, featuring Edinburgh’s most important sites. It contains illustrations and short descriptions of the 12 sites: Arthur’s Seat, the Palace of Holyroodhouse, the Scottish Parliament, the Royal Yacht Britannia, Calton Hill, the Royal Mile, Greyfriars Bobby, the National Museum of Scotland, the Scottish National Gallery, Princes Street, Edinburgh Castle and the Scottish Gallery of Modern Art. Presented in a slipcase and unfolding to a length of 1,5 metres, this is the perfect way to explore and remember Edinburgh. Other cities in the series include Hong Kong and Macau, Dublin, London and Washington DC. June 2013
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books
for preteens and teens This Book Betrays My Brother By Kagiso Lesego Molope
parenting books If I Have To Tell You One More Time… By Amy McCready
local gem
(Published by Oxford University Press, R99) All her life, Naledi has been in awe of Basi, her charming and outgoing older brother. They’ve shared childhood laughter, secrets and alliances, the quirks of their parents, and stories of the adventurous boys from Kasi. At 13, Naledi is beginning her own adventures: Kitsano asks her to the matric dance, and she revels in a flurry of excited anticipation. Then, unexpectedly, Naledi sees Basi in an act that contradicts everything she believes about him. Set in the shifting South African landscape of the mid-1990s, this nuanced coming-of-age story explores the bonds of sibling love and loyalty, and a young woman’s role in a complicated world.
Emil and the Three Twins and Heidi By Erich Kastner and Johanna Spiry (Published by Random House Struik, R90 each) These two books are part of the Vintage Classics series, which aims to bring old favourites to life for children from nine to 11 years old. In Emil and the Three Twins, Emil is on holiday by the seaside when they meet the three Byrons; the father and his two sons, Mackie and Jackie. When Emil and the detectives discover that the father is planning to desert poor Jackie, the bigger of the two, they are determined to come to the rescue. In Heidi, a young girl is sent to live in the Swiss mountains with her badtempered old grandfather, and everyone feels sorry for her. However, she soon discovers grandfather isn’t nearly as cross as he looks. But then she’s whisked away to be a companion to an injured girl in the city. Heidi longs for her beautiful mountain home. How will she ever get back again?
(Published Jeremy P. Tarcher, R293) Why is it so difficult sometimes to get children to listen? You ask your child to turn off the TV, do her homework, or get ready for school or bedtime. You know she heard you, but she ignores you. You ask again and still... no response. You’ve tried everything – time-outs, nagging, counting to three – and nothing seems to work. In If I Have to Tell You One More Time... founder of the popular online parenting course Positive Parenting Solutions, Amy McCready, presents a nag- and scream-free programme for compassionately yet effectively correcting your children’s bad behaviour. In this invaluable book, McCready shows parents how an understanding of Adlerian psychology can put an end to power struggles in the household. This approach focuses on the central idea that every human being has a basic need to feel powerful, with children being no exception.
The Pregnancy and Baby Book Senior editor: Nikki Sims
The Journey that’s Ours By Gary Hirson (Published by Calm in Storm, R80) The Journey That’s Ours is a sequel to Hirson’s first two books, The Magic That’s Ours and The Power That’s Ours. It aims to help young teenagers as they embark on their journey of self-discovery and it introduces concepts such as how we think and how the mind attracts outcomes. The book continues the tale of the adventurous siblings, Joel and Jina, with more exciting lessons from “Magic”, who guides them through both fun and testing times. Jina must negotiate the stumbling blocks that prevent the realisation of a lifelong dream, all the while dealing with that most seminal of adolescent experiences – first love. Joel’s self-belief is sorely tested as he faces the pain of losing his girlfriend, alienating his best friend and dealing with internal strife.
(Published by Penguin, R333) This is a refreshing new look into the world of pregnancy and parenting. It’s filled with facts and practical advice about the nine months leading up to and including the birth, as well as childcare for the first three years. You will also find helpful information on bringing up baby number two. All the essentials of pregnancy and childcare are dealt with, from parental instincts and nesting, to birthing, bathing and feeding. It addresses real concerns such as maternity wardrobe dilemmas, which risks are real and which aren’t, and deals with the “how do I know if something is wrong with my baby?” dilemma. You will also find ideas on how to care for and entertain your baby and how to adapt to life afterwards.
Learning Through Play By Karen van der Merwe (Published by the Early Learning Resource Unit, R136) Learning Through Play provides detailed information on important play activities, which promote all aspects of development. It explains how to plan a programme with activities for children from the age of two to six years old. Creative art activities help children develop creativity and practise their small muscle skills. Make-believe play helps children develop emotionally and learn social and communication skills. Block play helps children develop their thinking skills, while educational games help them develop a range of thinking skills. Outdoor play is beneficial to develop large muscle skills, and numeracy and literacy games are incorporated in all of these. The books can be ordered from elru.co.za
for us A Walk Across the Sun By Corban Addison (Published by Quercus Publishing, R129) Ahalya Ghai and her younger sister, Sita, are as close as sisters can be. But when a tsunami rips through their village on India’s Coromandel Coast, their home is swept away, and the sisters are the sole survivors of their family. Destitute, their only hope is to find refuge at a convent many miles away. A driver agrees to take them, but the moment they get into that car their fate is sealed. The two sisters – confused, alone, and totally reliant on each other – are sold. On the other side of the world, Washington lawyer Thomas Clarke is struggling to cope after the death of his baby daughter and the collapse of his marriage. He takes a sabbatical from his high-pressure job and accepts a position with the Bombay branch of an international anti-trafficking group.
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The Last Train to Zona Verde By Paul Theroux
must read
(Published by Penguin, R217) The Last Train to Zona Verde is an ode to the last African journey of one of the world’s most celebrated travel writers. This time he sets out from Cape Town, heading northwards through South Africa and Namibia, to Botswana, then on into Angola, heading for the Congo. Journeying alone through the greenest continent, Theroux encounters a world increasingly removed from both the itineraries of tourists and the hopes of post-colonial independence movements. Leaving the Cape Town townships, Theroux crosses “the red line” into a different Africa: the improvised, slapped-together Africa of tumbled fences and cooking fires, of mud and thatch, of heat and poverty, and of roadblocks, mobs and anarchy.
magazine durban
calendar
what’s on in june
You can also access the calendar online at
childmag.co.za
Here’s your guide for what to do, where to go and who to see. Compiled by TAMLYN VINCENT
15 sat
special events
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FUN for children
25
only for parents
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bump, baby & tot in tow
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how to help
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SPECIAL EVENTS
PHOTOGRAPHS: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM
Top Gear Festival Motoring enthusiasts are spoilt for choice with a stadium show, street circuit and exhibitions.
FUN FOR CHILDREN
ONLY FOR PARENTS
bump, baby & tot in tow
how to help
Cooking Kids Mini chefs have fun cooking starters, mains and desserts.
John Cleese Live This world famous comedian, actor, writer and producer talks about his life experiences.
Infant Baby Massage Bond with your baby as you learn massage techniques in a supportive environment.
Pyjamas Please Project Donate winter goodies to help keep lessfortunate children warm.
magazine durban
June 2013
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calendar
SPECIAL EVENTS 1 saturday Annual Roseway Ramble Take a 10km or 5km walk around Alverstone and Assagay. Time: 8:30am, registration 7:45am. Venue: Roseway Waldorf School, Assagay. Cost: big walk R15; mini walk R10. Contact Billie: 031 768 1309 Deutsche Schule Durban Bierfest This authentic experience includes a traditional brass band, eisbein, beer on tap, dirndl and lederhosen. Time: 6:30pm. Venue: Absa Stadium, Kings Park, Stamford Hill. Cost: tbc. Contact: 031 267 1203 or info@ dsdurban.co.za
1 June – Deutsche Schule Durban Bierfest
Gordon Road Girls’ fun day Enjoy the food fair, rides, entertainment and traders’ stalls. Visit the chess tournament and see the human chess pieces. Time: 8am–2pm. Venue: 69 Gordon Rd, Morningside. Cost: free entry. Contact Paula: 031 303 2628, paula.noot@grgs.co.za or visit grgs.co.za
2 sunday Comrades Marathon Nicky and Charlene, are running for Snap, a Special Needs Adapted Programme. Time: start 5:30am. Venue: Durban to Pietermaritzburg. For more info: cirwin@sweetvalleyprimary.co.za or visit comrades.com or snap.org.za/index. php/please-donate
5 wednesday Momentum Umngazi Pondo Pedal Race This MTB event sees competitors mountain biking along the Wild Coast. Ends 9 June. Time: varies. Venue: Umngazi River Bungalows and Spa, Wild Coast. Cost: varies. Contact: 031 764 1885 or visit pondopedal.com
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June 2013
7 friday
15 saturday
Durban Surf Carnival presented by Jeep Apparel The event includes the SA Stand-up Paddleboard Surfing Championships, the KZN Longboard Championships and the Forgotten Soul Retro Surfing event. There is a fitness camp and Snap Photographic competition. Ends 9 June. Time: 7am–4:30pm. Venue: New Pier, Durban Beachfront. Cost: spectators free. Contact Paul: 083 560 1185 or mw.nerve@mweb.co.za
Choc Walk to Sani Pass Join Choc for their fourth walk up Sani Pass, in support of children with cancer. Time: 9am–1pm. Venue: Sani Pass, Drakensberg. Cost: R200, includes T-shirt and lunch. Contact Agie: dbn@choc.org.za Top Gear Festival This motoring show offers visitors a host of thrilling experiences, including the live stadium show, presented by Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, James May and The Stig. There is also a street circuit and exhibitions of cars, gadgets and accessories. Also 16 June. Time: 9am–8pm; show times vary. Venue: Moses Mabhida Stadium, Stamford Hill. Cost: varies. Book through iTickets: 086 1000 291, info@itickets.co.za or visit topgearfestival.co.za
7 June – Durban Surf Carnival
8 saturday Cygnet Preparatory School family fun day This flea market and fun day offers jumping castles, games, a tea garden and other fun activities. Time: 9am–2pm. Venue: 28 Queen Elizabeth Dr, Westville. Cost: tbc. Contact: 031 266 1741 John Wesley fun day There is good fun, great food, prizes and activities for the whole family. Time: 10am–1pm. Venue: John Wesley Preprimary, 4 Daventry Place, La Lucia. Cost: free entry. Contact Linda: 031 562 0239 Pick n Pay Women’s Walk This 5km walk raises funds for free cancer screenings and health advice in local communities. Entry points are Pick n Pay Hyper-by-theSea, Umhlanga and La Lucia Mall or online. Time: 9am. Venue: Promenade, Durban beachfront. Cost: adults R35, children R20. For more info: visit pnptickets.co.za Rhythm and Dance The Royal Academy of Dance celebrates the achievements of their students. Time: 12pm and 3pm. Venue: Playhouse Drama Theatre, Anton Lembede Rd, Durban CBD. Cost: R80. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.com The Birches fun day There are loads of games, activities and prizes, designed for young children. Time: 9am–1pm. Venue: The Birches Preprimary, 1 Oribi Crescent, Pinetown. Cost: free entry. Contact: 031 708 4764 or thebirchespreprimary@gmail.com
R690. Contact Amelia: 081 477 9348, horsebeachrides@gmail.com or visit horsebeachrides.co.za The School of Garden Design ladies’ breakfast Listen to guest speaker Tanya Visser, in aid of the Sunflower Fund. The best pimped-out garden gnome wins a prize. Time: 7:45am–11am. Venue: Heritage Theatre, Hillcrest. Cost: R175. Contact: 082 449 9237, 082 336 1112, lingray@ schoolofgardendesign.co.za or kzn@ sunflowerfund.org.za
13 thursday DPHS National U13 Rugby Tournament Schools from around the country compete. Ends 16 June. Time: varies. Venue: 99 Gordon Rd, Morningside. Cost: spectators free. Contact: 031 312 2154, cmccarthy@dphs.co.za or visit dphs.co.za The Marist Association Golf Day Tee off for The Marist Association and St Henry’s Marist College. Time: 10:15am–12pm. Venue: Durban Country Club. Cost: fourball R1 600; individuals R400. Contact: 081 733 5988 or alumni@sthenrys.co.za
16 sunday Father’s Day @ Akimbo Treat Dad to a braai, while children play in the open space. Book by 12 June. Time: 12pm–2pm. Venue: 40 Meadway Rd, Drummond. Cost: varies. Contact: info@akimbo.co.za or visit facebook.com/akimbo.kids Father’s Day at the Oyster Box Spoil dad with a traditional roast pork lunch with all the trimmings. Time: varies. Venue: The Ocean Terrace, Oyster Box Hotel, Umhlanga. Cost: R195. Contact: 031 514 5018 or restaurants@oysterbox.co.za
18 tuesday Stars of the Ballet Moscow The show celebrates the music of great Russian composers. Ends 19 June. Time: 7:30pm. Venue: Playhouse Opera Theatre, Anton Lembede Rd. Cost: R140–R250. Book through Computicket: visit computicket.com
12 wednesday Mini endurance ride This 25km trail includes riding along the beach, climbing stairs, steep hills and a mild river crossing, with a rest stop at the halfway point. Time: 12pm–7pm. Venue: Durban South, directions sent on booking. Cost: from
23 June – Spar Women’s 10km/5km run
magazine durban
East Coast Radio House and Garden Show Find home, décor and garden inspiration. Plus there are homegrown designs, a Kids Zone, dream kitchens and beautiful gardens. Ends 7 July. Time: 10am–9pm, Monday–Thursday; 10am–10pm, Friday–Saturday; 10am– 8pm, Sunday. Venue: Durban Exhibition Centre, Durban CBD. Cost: adults R70, children under 16 free. For more info: visit housegardenshow.co.za
Time: 8am. Venue: Sylvester Ntuli Avenue to Sahara Stadium, Kingsmead. Cost: 10km race: R70 licensed, R80 unlicensed; 5km: R70. Contact: 031 508 5000 or visit sparwomensrace.co.za
25 tuesday
28 fri
John Cleese Live John Cleese tells audiences about his jam-packed life in a two-part show. Time: 8pm. Venue: ICC Durban. Cost: R340–R510. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.com Sleeping Beauty Go on a journey filled with fantasy and romance. Ends 12 July. Time: 11am. Venue: Catalina Theatre, Wilson’s Wharf. Cost: R50. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.com
21 friday
26 wednesday
Tricky Business This SA Magical Society show features loads of talent. Ends 30 June. Time: 8pm, Friday–Saturday; 6:30pm, Sunday. Venue: Rhumbelow Theatre, Cunningham Ave, Umbilo. Cost: R100. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.com
All Shook Up An Elvis-type biker shakes things up in a small, mid-west American town. Ends 30 June. Time: varies. Venue: Playhouse Drama Theatre, Anton Lembede Rd, Durban CBD. Cost: R30–R70. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.com
22 saturday The Queen’s official birthday lunch Celebrate at this year’s lunch to mark the Queen’s official birthday. Time: 12:30pm. Venue: Sundeck Room, The Blue Waters Hotel. Cost: British Cultural and Heritage Association members R165, nonmembers R175. Contact Cheri or Lynne: 031 202 6174
23 sunday Spar Women’s 10km/5km run Women of different ages take to the road in this sporting and social event. The 10km race is open to females over 15, while the 5km race is open to those 9 years and older.
magazine durban
Get Ready for School programme
29 saturday Can You Feel It? The 13th annual Young Performers Project is an exciting, highenergy original production. Ends 14 July. Time: 7pm, Tuesday–Saturday; 2:30pm, Saturday and Sunday. Venue: Elizabeth Sneddon Theatre, UKZN, Glenwood. Cost: R100–R120. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.com
FUN FOR CHILDREN Art lessons
art, culture and science Arty stars Art and craft lessons for children 18 months–5 years old, and their moms. Time: 2:30pm–3:30pm, Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. Venue: Westville. Cost: R600 per term. Contact Kelly: 083 777 4578 or babybrightstars@gmail.com
Children learn about painting and drawing. Time: 9am–10:30am, every Saturday. Venue: 128 Manfred Dr, Rosehill, Durban North. Cost: R115 per lesson, includes materials. Contact Suzette: 074 178 9388 or sdyson@ remax-panache.co.za
classes, talks and workshops Babes in the Wood Children 1–5 years old learn about nature. Adults must accompany children. Time: 9am–11am, every Thursday. Venue: Stainbank Nature Reserve. Cost: donations welcome. Contact: 031 462 8642, kathryn@ wildernessleadershipschool.co.za or visit wildernesstrails.org.za Children’s yoga Let them develop strength, flexibility and coordination. Time: 3:15pm, every Tuesday; 11am, every Saturday. Venue: Centre of Wellbeing, 16 Canberra Ave, Durban North. Cost: R40. Contact Angela: 076 410 1410 or angela@ rautenbach.co.za Computers 4 Kids Computer skills for Grades R–7. Time: 3:15pm, every Tuesday and Wednesday; 9:45am, every Saturday. Venue: suite 125 Ridgeton Towers, 6 Aurora Dr, Umhlanga Ridge. Cost: R440 per month. Contact: 031 566 1110, umhlanga@computers4kids.co.za or visit computers4kids.co.za
French lessons Enrol for fun-filled, interactive lessons with songs and games. Time: 8:30am–9:30am, every Saturday for 4–7 year olds; 3:30pm–4:30pm, every Tuesday, for 7–11 year olds. Venue: Alliance Française, 22 Sutton Crescent, Morningside. Cost: R650 per term, excluding books. Contact Denise: 031 312 9582 Get Ready for School programme This is a gentle introduction to formal learning for Grade R learners. Time: 1:30pm, Monday–Friday; 11am, every Saturday. Venue: suite 125 Ridgeton Towers, 6 Aurora Dr, Umhlanga Ridge. Cost: varies. Contact: 031 566 1110, 082 042 2556 or tracy@ kipumhlanga.co.za Meditation for children With activities and games. For children 5–10 years old. 9 June. Time: 9:30am–11am. Venue: Maitreya Centre, 6 Hamilton Crescent, Gillitts. Cost: R30. Contact: 031 764 6193 or meditateinhillcrest@gmail.com
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calendar
Coedmore Castle tours
family outings Book Fair Discover hundreds of books. Time: 10am–3:30pm, 4 June; 7:30am–2pm, 5 June. Venue: Maris Stella, Essenwood. Also at Kloof Senior Primary, 6 and 7 June; Umhlanga College, 10 and 11 June; Berea West Senior Primary, 12 and 13 June; St James School, 13 and 14 June; and Ashley Primary, 18 and 19 June. Cost: free entry. Contact Kathy: 031 705 7744 Coedmore Castle tours The castle still contains the original 19th-century furniture. Young children must be supervised. Time: by appointment. Venue: 90 Coedmore Ave, Yellowwood Park. Cost: R45. Contact Jenny: 083 419 6428 or birtwhistle@mweb.co.za Green Meadow Mini Farm and Tea Garden Parents relax while children explore. Bikes welcome. Time: 9am–5pm, Monday– Friday; 9am–4pm, Saturday; 10am–4pm Sunday. Venue: 3 Green Meadow Lane, Hillcrest. Cost: free entry. Contact Natalie: 074 300 5926 or nataliepusey@gmail.com Inchanga Choo Choo Travel to Inchanga Station and back on a steam train. 30 June. Time: departs 8:30am and 12:30pm. Venue: Kloof Station, Stoker’s Arms. Cost: adults R150, children R120. Contact: 082 353 6003, 087 808 7715 or visit umgenisteamrailway.co.za
finding nature and outdoor play Crocworld Conservation Centre There is a play area, restaurant and more. Time: 8am–4:30pm, daily. Venue: Old Main Rd, Scottburgh. Cost: adults R60, children R40. Contact: 039 976 1103, crocworld@cbl. co.za or visit crocworld.co.za
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Duck and Deck Animal Farm Children can see farmyard animals or ride a pony, while parents enjoy a cup of coffee. Time: 9:30am–4pm, Tuesday–Sunday. Venue: 3 Willow Way, Assagay. Cost: R15. Contact: 031 768 1029 or visit duckanddeck.co.za Flag Animal Farm milking show See cows being milked and bottle-feed a calf. Time: 12pm and 3pm, daily. Venue: Sheffield Beach. Cost: R28 entry. Contact: 032 947 2018 The Animal Farmyard Watch daily milking demonstrations and have the chance to bottle-feed newborn animals. Time: 9am–4:30pm, daily; milking 10:30am and 3:30pm. Venue: 3 Lello Rd, Botha’s Hill. Cost: R15 entry, rides R5. Contact: 031 765 2240 or visit animalfarmyard.co.za Winsome View Animal Farm There is a play area, farm animals and pony rides. Time: 9am–3pm, Tuesday–Sunday. Venue: Hamilton Way, Shongweni. Cost: varies. Contact: 082 892 1615 or visit winsomeview.co.za
holiday programmes Computers 4 Kids Holiday workshops. 24 June–12 July. Time: 9am–11am, Monday–Thursday. Venue: suite 125 Ridgeton Towers, 6 Aurora Dr, Umhlanga Ridge. Cost: R120 per day. Contact: 031 566 1110, umhlanga@computers4kids. co.za or visit computers4kids.co.za
Cooking Kids Mini chefs compete in various categories. For 7–12 year olds. 24–26 June. Time: 11am–2:30pm. Venue: Meryl’s School of Cooking, 1 Wingfield Rd, Kloof. Cost: R400. Contact Meryl: 031 764 6577, meryl@merylschoolofcooking.co.za or visit merylschoolofcooking.co.za Cooking Teens Children 13 years and older learn starters and mains. 27 and 28 June. Time: 11am–12:30pm. Venue: Meryl’s School of Cooking, 1 Wingfield Rd, Kloof. Cost: R150 per lesson. Contact Meryl: 031 764 6577, meryl@merylschoolofcooking. co.za or visit merylschoolofcooking.co.za Fast Science and Furious Reactions Learn the mechanics behind cars, design your own car and find out about reducing emissions. 21 June–14 July. Time: 11am–2pm. Venue: The KZN Science Centre, Gateway. Cost: adults R30, children R35. Contact: 031 566 8040 or visit kznsc.org Holiday Boot Camp Children develop skills and have fun. 24–26 June. Time: 7:30am–2pm. Venue: Giba Gorge. Cost: R650 or R250 per day. Contact: 082 782 6432 or info@boot-camp.co.za Junior Ranger Camp This three-day, two-night camp teaches children about being a game ranger. 25–27 June. Time: varies. Venue: Gwahumbe Game and Spa, Eston. Cost: R1 350, all inclusive. Contact: 031 781 1082, info@gwahumbe.co.za or visit gwahumbe.co.za
Lucky Bean holiday activities Children 2–6 years old have fun in this indoor and outdoor play garden. 25 June–12 July. Time: 10am and 10:30am, Tuesday–Friday. Venue: 10 Cadmoor Rd, Assagay. Cost: R15–R20 entry, workshops free. Contact: 082 216 3892, info@luckybean.co or visit luckybean.co (no .za)
markets Essenwood Market Fresh food and a range of stalls. Time: 9am–2pm, every Saturday. Venue: Essenwood Rd. Contact: 031 208 1264 or visit essenwoodmarket.com Golden Hours Family Market Fundraising initiative of Golden Hours Special School. Time: 10am–3:30pm, every Sunday. Venue: Uitsig Rd, Durban North. Cost: free entry. Contact Lyn: 083 262 3693 I Heart market Local foodies and designers showcase their products. 1 June. Time: 9am–2pm. Venue: Moses Mabhida Stadium. Contact: thejoyteam@gmail.com or visit iheartmarket.blogspot.com Roseway Natural and Organic Market There is good food, other stalls and crafts for children. 1 June. Time: 10am–2pm. Venue: Roseway Waldorf School, Assagay. Cost: tbc. Contact Shelley: 083 679 1203 Shongweni Farmer’s and Craft Market Organic and local produce and crafts. Time: 6:30am–10:30am, every Saturday. Venue: cnr Kassier Rd and Alverstone Rd, Assagay. Contact: 083 777 1674, info@shongwenimarket.co.za or visit shongwenimarket.co.za The Litchi Orchard Market A covered market with a children’s playground. 1 and 15 June. Time: 9am–1pm. Venue: Seaforth Ave, Foxhill. Contact: 084 205 6151 or jeremy@litchiorchard.co.za
on stage and screen
22 sat
Mr Funtubbles holiday activities There is face painting, balloon modelling and crafts for children plus other fun rides and games. 22–30 June. Time: 10am–6pm. Venue: Mr Funtubbles, Gateway. Cost: free. Contact the manager: 031 584 6645, party@mrfuntubbles.co.za or visit mrfuntubbles.co.za
Can You Feel It? See the cream of KZN’s high-school talent. 29 June–14 July. Time: varies. Venue: Elizabeth Sneddon Theatre, UKZN, Glenwood. Cost: R100–R120. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.com Epic This animated movie is about a battle deep in the forest between the forces of good and evil. When a teenage girl is magically transported into this world, she must help a team of whimsical characters save their world and ours. Opens 14 June.
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Time: varies. Venue: 3D and other cinemas nationwide. Cost: varies. Contact: 0861 246 362 or visit numetro.co.za Lazy Town Season 3 This pre-school show is back, with more challenges for superhero Sportacus and his resourceful friend, Stephanie. Premieres 17 June. Time: 7:30am, Monday–Friday; repeats 10am and 10:50am, Saturday on Cartoonito, DStv Channel 302. For more info: visit cartoonitoafrica.com Rhythm and Dance The Royal Academy of Dance showcases their students. 8 June. Time: 12pm and 3pm. Venue: Playhouse Drama Theatre, Anton Lembede Rd, Durban CBD. Cost: R80. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.com Sleeping Beauty 25 June–12 July. Time: 11am. Venue: Catalina Theatre, Wilson’s Wharf. Cost: R50. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.com Stars of the Ballet Moscow Celebrate the music of Sergei Rachmaninov and Pyotr Tchaikovsky. 18 and 19 June. Time: 7:30pm. Venue: Playhouse Opera Theatre,
Anton Lembede Rd, Durban CBD. Cost: R140–R250. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.com Tricky Business This magic show has dancers, beautiful costumes and comedy. 21–30 June. Time: 8pm, Friday–Saturday; 6:30pm, Sunday. Venue: Rhumbelow Theatre, Cunningham Ave, Umbilo. Cost: R100. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.com
playtime and story time Books and Books Join in for children’s story time. Time: 10am, every Saturday. Venue: Shop 42 Kensington Square, 53 Kensington Dr, Durban North. Cost: free. Contact: 031 563 6288 or shop@ booksandbooks.co.za Children’s story time A story followed by a craft or activity. For children 3–8 years old. Time: 10am, every Saturday. Venue: 26 Rockview Rd, Amanzimtoti. Cost: free. Contact: 031 903 6692 or thebookboutique@gmail.com Lucky Bean Children can play safely while parents relax in the coffee shop. Time: 9am–4pm, Tuesday–Sunday. Venue: 10 Cadmoor Rd, Assagay. Cost: R15–R20 entry. Contact: 082 216 3892 or visit luckybean.co (no .za) Steam-train rides Ride a miniature steam engine at the Durban Society of Model Engineers. 9 and 23 June. Time: 11am–4pm. Venue: 4 Hinton Grove, Virginia. Cost: R5 per ride. Contact Gerald: 031 205 1089 or 082 569 1383
sport and physical activities
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The food market There are over 40 local food stalls. Time: 8am–1pm. Venue: The Hellenic Community Centre, Durban North. Contact: 084 505 0113, info@thefoodmarket.co.za or visit thefoodmarket.co.za
magazine durban
Busyballers classes Lessons are available for children 2½–6 years old. Time: from 2:30pm, every Wednesday. Venue: Westville Country Club Tennis Courts, Link Rd. Cost: R350–R480. Contact Lisa: 083 236 0059 or lisa@busyballers.co.za DurbaKnights Ice Hockey Club The club offers ice hockey lessons for beginners. Time: 8:30am–9:30am, every Sunday. Venue: Durban Ice Rink, 81 Somtseu Rd, Durban. Cost: varies. Contact Michelle: durbaknights@gmail.com or visit durbaknights.wordpress.com Horseback Beach Adventures Enjoy trails through coastal bush or beach strolls on horseback. Time: 3pm, Friday–Wednesday. Venue: Durban South, directions sent on
17 June – Lazy Town Season 3
booking. Cost: R290–R500. Contact Amelia: 081 477 9348, 084 467 0752 or visit horsebeachrides.co.za Rocking Horse Equestrian Centre Beginners of all ages learn to ride. Daily lessons. Time: varies. Venue: Hillcrest. Cost: varies. Contact Sam: 076 279 3224 or rockinghorse@mweb.co.za Taekwondo Tornados Children get exercise and develop core strength. Time and venue: 3:30pm, every Wednesday, Westville Library; 2pm, every Tuesday, Hillcrest Library. Cost: R130 per month. Contact Sam: 082 876 0628 or tkdtornados@gmail.com
only for parents classes, talks and workshops Computer course They offer a computer literacy course. Time: 9am–12pm, Tuesday and Thursday. Venue: suite 125 Ridgeton Towers, 6 Aurora Dr, Umhlanga Ridge. Cost: R150 per hour; certified course R3 120. Contact: 031 566 1110 or umhlanga@computers4kids.co.za Domestic workers cooking course Covers tasty meals and snacks, hygiene, basic nutrition and more. 11 and 18 June and 16 and 23 July. Time: 8:30am–11am. Venue: Meryl’s School of Cooking, 1 Wingfield Rd, Kloof. Cost: R930. Contact Meryl: 031 764 6577, meryl@merylschoolofcooking.co.za or visit merylschoolofcooking.co.za
Introduction to social media Learn the basics of Twitter and Facebook. Time: 9am–12pm, Tuesday and Wednesday. Venue: suite 125 Ridgeton Towers, 6 Aurora Dr, Umhlanga Ridge. Cost: R400 per session. Contact: 031 566 1110 or umhlanga@ computers4kids.co.za Meeting of the North Coast Art Group Dynamic portrait artist Jane Digby gives a demonstration in oils. 8 June. Time: 9am–12pm. Venue: Catholic Church, 2 Newport Ave, Virginia. Cost: members R20, non-members R30. Contact Craig: 082 964 9628 or Rowena: 072 148 8194 Mommy art classes Explore your creativity, while your children play. Stickmen artists to advanced artists welcome. Time: varies. Venue: Hillcrest. Cost: R80 per lesson. Contact Robyn: 082 737 7593 or robynoelofse@gmail.com Permaculture food garden workshops This course teaches you accessible and affordable ways to grow safe organic food and to live sustainably. 1 June, 6 July and 3 August. Time: 8:30am–2pm. Venue: The Birches Preprimary, 1 Oribi Rd, Sarnia. Cost: R210 each. Contact Doorkie: 079 420 2214 or doorkieliv@gmail.com Pilates in Motion This small, private studio offers classes twice a week. Time: varies. Venue: Musgrave; address sent on booking. Cost: varies. Contact Laura-May: 082 443 4533, info@pilatesinmotion.co.za or visit pilatesinmotion.co.za
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calendar Pilates precision Strengthen, tone and lose weight. Time: 5:30pm–6:30pm, Tuesday and Thursday. Venue: The School of Modern Montessori, 9 Anthony Dr, Gillitts. Cost: four classes R280, eight classes R480. Contact Sarah: 071 183 4161 or sarahxevans@hotmail.com Pilates workshop Have a fun morning learning about Pilates. 29 June. Time: 9am–11am. Venue: Methodist Church, Manning Rd, Berea. Cost: R100. Contact: 082 443 4533 or info@pilatesinmotion.co.za Sprigs cooking demos Learn to make cold-weather comfort food, Moroccan dishes, risotto and more. Dates vary. Time: varies. Venue: Sprigs The Food Shop, Fields Shopping Centre, Old Main Rd, Kloof. Cost: varies. Contact: 031 764 6031, sprigs@ telkomsa.net or visit sprigs.co.za Taekwondo for ladies Develop core strength, exercise and learn self-defence. Time: 7pm–8pm, every Thursday. Venue: Westville Library. Cost: R130 per month. Contact Sam: 082 876 0628 or tkdtornados@gmail.com Weekly meditation classes Develop a balanced attitude through meditation. Time: 7pm–8pm, every Wednesday. Venue: June’s Preprimary, 21 Langford Rd, Westville. Cost: R30. Contact: 031 764 6193 or meditateinhillcrest@gmail.com Yoga classes Covers breathing techniques and gentle exercises. Time: 6pm, every Monday. Venue: Morningside Sports Club, Hollander Crescent. Cost: R50 per month. Contact Anil: 078 300 7213
on stage and screen All Shook Up An Elvis-type biker shakes things up both comically and romantically. 26–30 June. Time: 7:30pm, Wednesday– Saturday; 2pm, Saturday; 3pm, Sunday. Venue: Playhouse Drama Theatre, Anton Lembede Rd, Durban CBD. Cost: R30–R70. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.com John Cleese Live Radio celebrity John Maytham chats to John Cleese about his life up to Monty Python. Cleese talks about Fawlty Towers and more. 25 June. Time: 8pm. Venue: ICC Durban. Cost: R340– R510. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.com Spud 2 – The Madness Continues Based on John van der Ruit’s second novel, this film sees Spud Milton continue on his road to manhood, while dealing with the madness that surrounds him at home
and at school. It has an age restriction of 13. Opens 21 June. Time: varies. Venue: cinemas nationwide. Cost: varies. Contact: 0861 246 362 or visit numetro.co.za
support groups Born Sleeping Parents bereaved by stillbirths, miscarriages or neonatal death share experiences. Contact: 084 524 1541/2, bornsleeping@gmail.com or visit their Facebook page: Born Sleeping Childhood cancer parent support group Choc schedules regular support meetings. Contact Gill: 084 831 3683 or visit choc.org.za Durban Autism Support Group For mothers of children with ASD. Informal coffee mornings are held four times a year. Contact Di: 083 443 8385 or dimaitland@tiscali.co.za Famsa Offers family and relationship counselling. Contact: 031 202 8987 or visit 30 Bulwer Rd, Glenwood Sadag For those suffering from depression or drug abuse, or who may be suicidal. For more information or referral to a support group: visit sadag.org Speak Easy For those who stutter and their family. Contact Imraan: 082 786 3718 or visit speakeasy.org.za
bump, baby & Tot in tow
classes, talks and workshops Edubabe Childminder training, first aid workshops and cooking classes for nannies, au pairs and parents. Time: varies. Venue: Glenwood. Cost: varies. Contact Kate: 071 968 1007 or durban@edubabe.co.za Holistic baby-care classes This fourweek course helps couples focus on conscious parenting. Starts 17 June. Time: 6:30pm–8:30pm, every Monday. Venue: Westville. Cost: R750. Contact Melissa: 082 601 4108 or melissa@organicbirth.co.za Hypnobirthing classes Moms-to-be learn focused relaxation techniques. 26 June and 3, 10, 17 and 24 July. Time: 6pm–8pm. Venue: Brettenwood Coastal Estate, Sheffield Beach. Cost: R1 600 per couple. Contact Sonja: 082 446 4879, sonja@gentlyborn. co.za or visit gentlyborn.co.za Infant baby massage Bond, relax and learn in a supportive environment. Time: varies. Venue: Westville. Cost: five-week course R500. Contact Kelly: 083 777 4578 or babybrightstars@gmail.com
3 June – Holistic baby-care classes
Pre- and postnatal yoga Blissful Bellies offers relaxed pregnancy and postnatal classes for moms and their babies. Time: varies. Venue: Eagle View Studio, 4 Galloway Lane, Winston Park. Cost: four classes R220. Contact Kirsty: 073 351 6824, kirsty@blissfulbellies.co.za or visit blissfulbellies.co.za Preggie Pilates Gentle classes invigorate your baby and prepare your body. Time: by appointment. Venue: your home. Cost: R150–R170, depending on location. Contact Sarah: 071 183 4161 or sarahxevans@hotmail.com Stroller training for moms Get back into shape. For moms with babies 6 weeks– 3 years old. Time: 9:30am–10:30am, Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Venue: Mitchell Park, Morningside. Cost: R450– R500. Contact Bronwyn: bronwyn@ fit4health.co.za or visit fit4health.co.za The first 12 months Learn about playing with and stimulating your baby. Time: 9am–12pm, every Saturday. Venue: Highbury Prep School, Highbury Rd, Hillcrest. Cost: R395. Contact Jeanne: 082 327 1244 or jeanneb@mweb.co.za
playtime and story time Baby Bright Stars Interactive classes for moms and babies from 2 months–2 years old. Time: varies. Venue: Westville. Cost: R750. Contact Kelly: 083 777 4578 or babybrightstars@gmail.com Clamber Club Movement and stimulation classes for children 1–4 years old. Time: varies. Venues: branches in Ballito, Hillcrest and Kloof. Cost: varies. Contact Ballito: 076 222 2946, Hillcrest: 084 577 7630, Kloof: 083 259 2746 or visit clamberclub.com Moms and Tots free workshop Join a fun-filled, messy, two-hour trial session. Time: varies. Venue: Westville. Cost: trial session free. Contact PJ: 082 907 0905, 031 267 2371 or visit momsandtots.co.za Toptots Children 8 weeks–4 years old join age-appropriate classes to learn and play. Time: varies. Venue: branches in Durban North, Ballito, Glenwood, Kloof, Hillcrest, Westville and Hilton. Cost: varies. Contact: 031 266 4910, 082 876 7791, info@ toptots.co.za or visit toptots.co.za
support groups Mothers 2 Baby For new and old moms who are finding motherhood challenging. Time: 10am–11:30am, every third Thursday. Venue: Hillcrest Private Hospital, Kassier Rd. Cost: free. Contact Hayley: 078 640 7949
how to help Donation Station – Charity Shop Where buying is giving. Child Welfare Durban has opened a thrift and charity shop. Donate quality second-hand goods, or see what the shop has to offer. Contact Sonja: 031 312 9313 or 082 564 4631 Mkhuhla Cansa Care Home This interim home provides accommodation for cancer patients from out of town, while they receive treatment. Kuhle Life is raising funds for this home, and is offering raffle tickets for a cash prize. Tickets are R280. Donations welcome. Contact Gerda: 031 827 6865 or fundraising@kuhlelife.com Pyjamas Please Project Just Us 4 Children is collecting pyjamas for children this winter. Drop off new or clean, second-hand pyjamas at Broadway Pharmacy, Durban North or Makaranga Garden Lodge, Kloof. Contact Nicky: 083 788 6999, Karen: 082 891 1722 or visit justus4children.za.org
Looking Ahead Hope Springs The Rising Star Performing Arts Youth Theatre Production runs from 24–28 July. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.com
july 2013
don’t miss out! For a free listing, email your event to durban@childmag.co.za or fax it to 031 207 3429. Information must be received by 24 May for the July issue, and must include all relevant details. No guarantee can be given that it will be published. To post an event online, visit childmag.co.za Speak Easy
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June 2013
magazine durban
it’s party time For more help planning your child’s party visit
childmag.co.za/resources/birthday-parties
family marketplace
magazine durban
June 2013
29
finishing touch
you’re not alone Parenting is one of the most challenging tasks you’ll ever tackle,
Erin, Anél and Conor
i
have been thinking a lot about parenting recently. Okay, that’s not much of a newsflash, given that I am part of the team that produces a magazine on parenting, and that I am mom to two toddlers. But I mean I have really been analysing my approach to parenting, and evaluating my performance as the parent of children under the age of three. And nothing brings your childrearing skills under the microscope quite like a four-hour road trip followed by a two-night stay in a singleroomed log cabin. Throw two coughing children into the mix, and a husband who was MIA for several hours to run a marathon, and you have the ideal substrate for a full-on test of your parenting prowess. And while I did not envy Craig having to battle it up the Outeniqua Mountains in the morning mist, I have to admit that
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I was most envious of the four-odd hours he had to himself during the race. Like Craig, I was also up at 4am, but that was because Conor had rolled out of his makeshift bed and wedged himself behind the door. This of course woke up Erin, who had just dozed off after a night of incessant coughing. From then on, it was full-steam. We played cars, we got ourselves stuck in the shower and we glued my business cards to the magazine I had brought along in the hope of having a quiet, afternoon read; eternal optimist that I am. Erin decided she would practise her potty skills, and went to the toilet about 15 times. This would have been fine, if she hadn’t wanted me to “come and see” every time she sat down. Fortunately, Craig’s race ended at the campsite where we were staying, so I could carry the children to the finish line to see him. The rest of the weekend passed in a sleep-deprived blur. While comfortable, our accommodation was not the most
child-friendly, and I spent most of the time acting as a human safety gate so Conor would not launch off the cabin’s steps. I tried telling myself to appreciate the nature around us and to enjoy quality time with the children, but I was too exhausted. And this made me irritable, which then made me feel guilty about being a bad parent. When I got to work on the Monday, elated to reclaim my handbag and pens and to feel like me again and not “Mommeeeeee”, I opened Facebook to discover that my feelings were not unique. At least two of my parent friends had posted insightful and sincere blogs about the relentlessness of being a parent. In the one, a pastor (stevewiens.com) writes that while he loves his children’s quirks and antics, “There are also many moments when I have no idea how I’m going to make it until their bedtime. The constant demands, the needs, and the fighting are fingernails across the chalkboard every single day.”
The gist of his message is that you are not a terrible parent for having these feelings. “You’re an actual parent with limits. You cannot do it all. We all need to admit that one of the casualties specific to our information-saturated culture is that we have skyscraper standards for parenting, where we feel like we’re failing horribly if we feed our children chicken nuggets and we let them watch TV in the morning.” Looking back, with a few more hours of sleep in the bag, I can honestly say that the weekend wasn’t all that bad. Conor took his first unaided steps during one of our pit stops en route, and Erin and I got to read for more than an hour in bed, as there was no TV to distract us. But next time we go, I think I’ll pack my running shoes – just in case. Anél Lewis is Child magazine’s former features editor. She’s unsubscribed to the parenting newsletters that make it sound as if it’s all rainbows and playdough cakes, and has signed up for next year’s marathon in the mountains.
magazine durban
PHOTOGRAPH: STEPHANIE VELDMAN
but it helps to know that you’re doing just fine. By ANÉL LEWIS
recipes
delicious dishes for dads It’s Father’s Day on June 16, so CHILD MAGAZINE has asked foodie fathers for their favourite winter-warmer recipe.
benny masekwameng Accomplished Tsogo Sun celebrity chef Benny Masekwameng became a household name when he appeared in the first season of MasterChef SA as one of the judges. Benny got his first taste of working in a kitchen when he helped his mother prepare meals for the construction workers in Alexandra. The father to daughter Dimakatso, describes himself as a “proudly South African chef” who focuses on using fresh, locally procured ingredients.
lamb and lentil soup Serves 4–6 people • 1 onion • 1 carrot • 1 celery stick • 2 tomatoes • 1 clove of garlic (all finely chopped) • 1 cup brown lentils, rinsed and soaked for 30 min
• 1 tbsp tomato paste • 200g lamb shin, cooked and cut into small cubes with no bones • 1l lamb stock • 2 tbsp fresh coriander, roughly chopped • 1 red chilli, finely chopped • salt and pepper
Return to the heat and add the lamb shin cubes and coriander and cook for a further 10 minutes. Serve with crusty bread or steamed bread (idombolo), and a sprinkle of freshly chopped coriander.
Method In a soup pot, sweat the onion, carrot, garlic and leeks over medium heat for five to seven minutes until the onions are translucent. Add the tomato paste, mix and cook for a further three minutes. Add the tomato, chilli, lentils and stock; turn the heat up and bring to the boil, then reduce the heat and cover with a lid and cook for 40 minutes until the lentils are cooked. Taste to check for seasoning and adjust accordingly. Using a stick blender, purée until the lentils are half smooth and still chunky.
Cooking the lamb shank Brown 500g sliced lamb shin with bone and add 1 tsp of tomato paste, 1 of each: onion, carrot, celery stick (roughly chopped). Mix all of this together and cook for 5 minutes. Then deglaze with a cup of red wine (optional) and add 1 litre of water and simmer until the meat is cooked (maximum 2 hours). Remove the meat from the liquid, cool and then remove from the bone and cut it into cubes, ready for the soup. The cooking liquid can be strained and used as the stock for the soup recipe.
processor and add the yoghurt and coconut cream, then blitz. Now add the spiced yoghurt mixture to the chicken, stir well, cover and set aside to marinate for two hours in the refrigerator. To cook the dish, heat the sunflower oil in a large pan and add the onions. Sauté until golden then add the garlic and ginger. Cook lightly for a few seconds then add the tomato puree, bring to the boil, then add the chicken stock and curry leaves. I like to chop them up, but it’s your call. Bring to a boil and reduce heat. Simmer uncovered until the sauce has reduced considerably and thickened to your liking.
Now add the chicken and the yoghurtspice mixture to the simmering sauce and stir. If you dislike the extreme tart taste of the tomato and yoghurt combination, add sugar to taste. If the dish is not salty enough to your liking, add salt. Now bring to the boil and cook for a few minutes just until the chicken is cooked right through: any longer will make the chicken tough and stringy. Finally, add the butter and stir through, at this point do not boil again as the butter will separate from the rest of the ingredients. Garnish with coriander leaves and serve with basmati rice, sambals and naan breads.
deena naidoo South Africa’s first MasterChef, Deena Naidoo, says his family have always supported his love of cooking. And, after winning MasterChef in 2012, Deena opened his own restaurant at Tsogo Sun’s Montecasino in Joburg, named Aarya after his 11-year-old daughter. He also has a son, Theshlin, 15 and stepson, Naveshan, 23. His love of cooking was inspired by his late mother, and he can remember making his first meal when he was just seven years old.
butter chicken
PHOTOGRAPHS: shutterstock.com / Russel Wasserfall
Serves 4 people • 1kg boneless, skinless chicken breasts cut into 2cm cubes For the marinade: • the juice of 1pc lemon or lime • 6 cloves • 8–10 peppercorns • 1 cinnamon stick • 2 bay leaves (fresh is always better, if dry add 2 more) • 3g coriander seeds • 3g cumin seeds • seeds of 3 cardamom pods • 8–10 whole almonds • 3g dried chilli • 3g turmeric • 250ml full-cream plain Greek yoghurt • 30ml coconut cream For the sauce: • 20ml sunflower oil • 2 large onions, finely chopped • 6 plump garlic cloves (use only fresh), chopped finely • 10g finely grated fresh ginger
• 480g can tomato puree • 500ml prepared chicken stock (you can use your own or use stock cubes) • handful fresh curry leaves (fresh is best, but you can use dried, just a little more) • pinch of salt and sugar to taste • 45g butter • fresh coriander leaves for garnish and flavour Method Place the chicken in a glass or plastic bowl and add the lemon or lime juice. Cover and set aside until you’ve prepared your spice and nut mixture. To do this, heat a dry, clean pan over medium heat and add the cloves, peppercorns, piece of cinnamon stick, bay leaves, coriander, chilli, turmeric, cumin and cardamom seeds and almonds. Gently roast the spices and nuts for a few minutes or until lightly toasted and aromatic, stirring frequently. Tip the contents into a coffee grinder and grind into a powder before stirring it into the yoghurt. If you do not have a coffee grinder, place the mixture into your