Child magazine | DBN May 2016

D U R B A N ’ S

b e s t

g u i d e

f o r

p a r e n t s

the ultimate me-time guide

excursions just for moms

smart steps to

fight the flu

the power of horse healing

feminism& motherhood in the spotlight

www.childmag.co.za

May 2016

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health

education

entertainment

Happy Mother’s Day My youngest daughter is desperate to grow up, fast. This is closely followed by a deep desire to be a mom. She yearns to be in control of her own destiny, which starts with a VW Beetle and culminates in having a little bundle as the sole focus of her love and adoration.

She describes, in detail, how she will manage her time between work (last night at the dinner table I counted three jobs), her husband and her three, maybe four, children, oh and “community commitments”. She assures me, “The children will always be beautifully groomed, eat healthy food and naturally, be high achievers.” I am quick to share my appreciation for her vision and enthusiasm, but after 21 years of parenting, I am tempted to read her the intro to this month’s lead article “the choices, the guilt, the beauty” (page 12): “I never thought being a grown-up would be like this, the constant constraints on your time, the requests, the pressures, the guilt when you don’t get it all right. It never ends.”

My eldest, being a little closer to adulthood, is appalled at the idea of motherhood, and, at the very mention, jumps up to clear the table and stack the dishwasher. This from a child who chose her roommate on an exchange trip, based on who she thought most likely to do her laundry.

As moms, we count our blessings, one for every child, but if our online poll is anything to go by, we are often in need of one more blessing – me-time (see page 20 for inspiration). We hope you love this issue, our celebration of mothers, as much as we enjoyed putting it all together for you. Join us in savouring the highs and sharing the lows and have a Happy Mother’s Day on the 8th.

Lisa Mc Namara Publisher

Hunter House P U B L I S H I N G

Publisher Lisa Mc Namara • lisa@childmag.co.za

Editorial Managing Editor Marina Zietsman • marina@childmag.co.za

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Free requested Jan 16 - Mar 16 Durban’s Child magazineTM is published monthly by Hunter House Publishing, PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010. Office address: Unit 7, Canterbury Studios, 35 Wesley Street, Gardens, Cape Town. Tel: 021 465 6093, fax: 021 462 2680, email: info@childmag.co.za. Annual subscriptions (for 11 issues) cost R220, including VAT and postage inside SA. Printed by Paarl Web. Copyright subsists in all work published in Durban’s Child magazineTM. We welcome submissions but retain the unrestricted right to change any received copy.

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May 2016

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contents 10 dealing with difference – horse healing

3 a note from lisa

regulars

5 over to you readers respond

7 pregnancy news – maternal style Anél Lewis gets advice on

features

maternity wear that is fashionable and practical

12 the choices, the guilt, the beauty Mary Wuth admits that parenting can, at times, be exhausting, but says it’s all worth it

14 the spirit leveller Lisa Lazarus finds that Struisbaai hasn’t changed in three decades, when she returns in search of childhood memories and tranquility

8 best for baby – build your baby’s brain Lucille Kemp investigates the influence music has on your baby’s development

10 dealing with difference – horse healing horse therapy has proven to help children who struggle with several developmental delays.

By Shannon Neill

16 steer clear of the sniffles Tammy Jacks gives tips on how to boost your child’s immune system to prevent colds and the flu from plaguing your family this winter

18 feminism and motherhood Glynis Horning says a return to attachment parenting has opened the floor for debate on this sensitive topic

27 cooking is for everyone in her new cookbook, Simply Delicious, Zola Nene shares festive recipes that are easy to make

20 resource – me-time for mom Marina Zietsman compiles a list of outof-the-box adventures for moms

22 a good read for the whole family 23 what’s on in may 25 next month in child magazine 26 finishing touch life was very different for Anél Lewis and her husband in the year BC (Before Children)

health

classified ads

6 home emergencies Simone Jeffery

26 it’s party time

gets tips from experts on how to deal with common household injuries

26 family marketplace

this month’s cover images are supplied by: Cape Town

Shutterstock shutterstock.com

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May 2016

Durban

Joburg

Pretoria

Megan Hancock Photography Megan Hancock Photography meganhancockphotography.co.za meganhancockphotography.co.za

Rentia Smith Photography rentiasmith.com

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over to you thanks Child mag As the Julia Donaldson author tour has drawn to a close, I want to thank you for all of your assistance in helping make sure the Julia Donaldson brand was wellrepresented on all fronts. Everyone’s hard work paid off and the tour was a great success. Thank you to Child magazine for your assistance in the coverage ahead of the tour. A big Gruffalo hug, Tarryn and the Pan Macmillan SA Team

online comment to “reaction to allergies” I would like to respond to a comment made online regarding this article.

My son Jacob, who is six years old, attends a school that is open to an allergy policy and does its best, with the help of parents, to educate both parents and children on allergies. This has given my child the confidence to go to school in a safe environment. The sad truth is that second to childhood obesity, the largest emerging childhood illness and cause of death is an allergic reaction. My son’s allergic reaction to eggs, peanuts, sesame seeds

Follow us on twitter.com/ChildMag, facebook.com/childmag.co.za and pinterest.com/childmagazine

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letters

Let us know what’s on your mind. Send your letters or comments to marina@childmag.co.za or PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010.

and bee stings could be fatal, and would require emergency medical intervention. I often want to ask the parents that are not educated or empathetic if, were this your child, would you not expect other parents and your friends to take the utmost care in ensuring your child’s safety? Would you be happy if another parent endangered your child’s life with disregard?

The lack of empathy for this “one” child’s safety saddens me, and people are unaware of how certain children even have to deal with being bullied, teased and threatened just for being different and having an allergy.

As parents of children who are allergic, we live in fear that, while not in our care they are always in harm’s way. We do our best to teach and educate them on how to safeguard themselves from danger, but some times things are out of our control. Every morning after dropping my children off at school I spend five to six hours with my phone in my pocket, or where I can easily reach it, in case I have to rush to the hospital, because he has been stung by a bee. No parent wants to live under this constant threat of imminent danger.

I wish all parents, caregivers and teachers would better educate themselves on what it is like to live with an allergic child or family member. I promise you would be far more understanding and willing to champion the cause.

Chantal Waisman

online comment to “bakers day made easy” Being a chef and dad to a five-year-old little princess, I know the benefits of teaching young children the art and love of culinary creation and knowledge. What is more rewarding than to learn while you are having fun?

Healthy eating can be achieved through creative and interactive sessions with your children, giving them a good grounding for the years to come.

Shaun Howard-Tripp

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We reserve the right to edit and shorten submitted letters.

The opinions reflected here are those of our readers and are not necessarily held by Hunter House Publishing.

Post a comment online at childmag.co.za

May 2016

5

health

SIMONE JEFFERY takes a look at five common household

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injuries and ways that parents can respond.

very parent would love to wrap their children in bubble wrap, but you can’t prevent accidents from happening. Though, you can be prepared.

As your inquisitive child becomes mobile, they will start to explore their surroundings, climbing objects, which could result in falls, bumps and stumbles. Russel Meiring from ER24 says that falls from just a few metres can cause serious injuries and even death. After a fall, apply an ice pack on any bumps or bruises. Should the incident cause profuse bleeding, Meiring says to make sure it is stopped immediately by applying direct pressure to the wound or by using a first-aid dressing. Call emergency medical services (EMS) and seek medical attention right away if your child seriously injures their head, neck, back, hipbones, thighs, is unconscious or is having difficulty breathing.

Burns and scalds are other common injuries in the home. According to Meiring, ER24 often sees burn injuries in the home that stem from touching the stove, spills from kettles and hot water from unattended baths. In treating a first-degree burn, where only the first layer of skin has been affected, you should immediately cool the wound under a cold tap. Do not use ice water as this can cause further damage by cooling the body too quickly. Once the burnt area is cooled, wrap it in a moist dressing and seek medical attention urgently. For all other burns, call EMS for immediate help.

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May 2016

Children tend to put a host of weird and wonderful things in their mouths, which can lead to accidental poisoning and choking on swallowed objects. Michelle Cahi from ABC of CPR says that choking is one of the leading causes of death for infants and toddlers. If your child is choking, do not try to grab the object lodged in their throat or pat them on the back, as this could push the object further down the airway and make the situation worse. Call EMS immediately and perform the Heimlich manoeuvre. If you are unable to remove the object and the child becomes unresponsive, lower them to the floor and begin CPR. Cahi warns that children are often poisoned by household and cleaning products, personal care and beauty products, medicines, vitamins, plants, lead and carbon monoxide. Meiring advises that the ingestion of poisons should be treated very carefully. Do not make the child vomit as this may cause an airway obstruction, which may cause choking. If the child is actively vomiting, do not stop them from doing so. Keep any open containers or bottles so that the poison may be identified. Seek medical attention immediately.

Seconds count when it comes to water emergencies.

Cahi says that most children who drown in swimming pools had been missing from their parent’s sight for less than five minutes, and adds that most drownings take place in suburban swimming pools. More than half of all drownings

first-aid essentials Here are a few things that ER24 says should be in all first-aid kits: ✻✻ sterile gauze

✻✻ assorted plasters

✻✻ bandages in

✻✻ antiseptic wipes

several sizes

✻✻ antibiotic cream

✻✻ large and small sterile dressings ✻✻ sterile eye dressings ✻✻ eye pads with bandages ✻✻ pack of paracetamol tablets, including liquid paracetamol

✻✻ rehydration sachets ✻✻ tweezers ✻✻ sharp scissors ✻✻ safety pins ✻✻ gloves ✻✻ CPR mouthpiece ✻✻ torch and spare batteries ✻✻ list of emergency contact numbers

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ILLUSTRATION: SHUTTERSTOCK.com

home emergencies

among infants under the age of one occur in bathtubs.

Another 12% of drownings in this age group occurs in buckets. In the event of a water emergency, get your child out of the water, call EMS immediately and prepare to begin CPR. Meiring says you need to make sure that the child has a pulse and is breathing. Check that the air passages are clear and if no pulse or breathing is present, CPR must be started immediately.

Education is key to safety, according to Cahi. Attending child first-aid and CPR classes will equip parents, childminders and caregivers with the knowledge to handle emergencies and save lives. While no parent wants to think about the worst happening to their child, in an emergency you will be glad you did.

pregnancy news

maternal style There’s no reason to feel frumpy during your pregnancy. ANÉL LEWIS speaks to the experts about

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essential maternity wear that will make you feel fabulous before and after your baby is born.

ook, let’s be honest, I was no Kate Middleton during either of my pregnancies. My staple maternity gear was an oversized T-shirt I’d won years back at a grape-stomping competition and, in the last few weeks of my pregnancy, a strappy sundress bought from a flea market in downtown Joburg was all I could wear. I really did want to be like those radiant mothers who grace pregnancy magazines wearing chic leggings and cute tops that neatly hug their growing bumps. But in reality, I was more blob than blossoming mom-to-be, partly because I made the sartorial mistake of thinking I could get by wearing my pre-pregnancy “fat” clothes.

Claire Coetzee, owner of an online boutique that stocks maternity fashion, cautions that doggedly wearing your pre-pregnancy leggings and other favourites could stretch the elastic and pull at the seams, rendering some of the clothing unwearable once your baby has been born. Gillian Cary-Baddeley, who designs for a popular online maternity store, adds: “Don’t be tempted to buy ‘normal’ clothes in a larger size as they will not fit properly on your shoulders, arms or legs and you will simply look overweight. Maternity styles are designed to flatter.”

tips to look radiant and feel feminine throughout, and after, your pregnancy.

Invest in some core basics or classic items, such as a tank top or a maxi skirt and twist front dress, says Coetzee. These can easily be mixed and matched and glammed up with accessories for a special occasion. “They will also see you through your pregnancy and beyond, when you are still trying to lose some of the baby weight.” Also, avoid wearing clothing that looks like a big sack over your bump.

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Maintain some balance. If you’re wearing a full skirt, offset the look with a tight-fitted maternity top, and vice versa.

Think about maternity wear that will stand up to the rigours of breastfeeding. A beautiful top with a cowl neck that unclasps for feeding will make life far easier than pulling up an oversized shirt.

Coetzee recommends fabric with a fair amount of stretch that will accommodate your changing body. Bear in mind that things change – don’t be surprised if even the width of your back alters as you move through your pregnancy.

Nicola Jackson, of an online retailer in fashionable maternity wear, says maternity jeans that adapt to your shape are a must-have. “Choose a pair that has a bit of stretch and a waistband that is engineered to support your tummy, pre- and post-baby.”

Keep it simple and buy one comfortable and versatile item that can be worn in several different ways throughout your pregnancy.

Consider adding suitable exercise wear to your maternity wardrobe. “Don’t try to squeeze into clothes that do not fit you. You’ll only feel uncomfortable and could be damaging your skin. A great pair of leggings and a maternity tank top can be used for layering and for sport,” says Jackson.

And lastly, spare a thought for special occasions when you want to look glam.

“Feeling good about the way you look is a big part of enjoying your pregnancy. There is no need to change your signature style because you are pregnant,” says Jackson.

She recommends the “stylist” dress that can be wrapped in various ways to create numerous looks. Add accessories, a cardigan or jacket for extra elegance. “These garments look great long after your baby has been born.”

May 2016

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best for baby

build your baby’s brain Lullabies at bed time. Nursery rhymes at crèche. Sing-a-longs on road trips.

Music is like magic for a child and a force for their growth. By LUCILLE KEMP

d

o you remember that fascinating video that first did its rounds a few years ago of a baby that, astonishingly, appeared moved and became teary as his mom sang a Rod Stewart ballad to him?

Laurel Trainor, a professor of psychology, neuroscience and behaviour and director of the McMaster Institute for Music and the Mind (MIMM) in Canada, was asked to explain this in an interview with National Geographic. She stated, interestingly, that research has shown that the ear is very mature at birth and that an infant can actually distinguish between major and minor chords.

As many people understand minor chords to sound sadder than major chords, was the “emotional baby” able to comprehend the sad content of the song? I imagine this question was the reason the video went viral.

Cape Town-based parents Lauren and Jeff Green found that their twin girls, who were born at 30 weeks, would respond well, early on, to having music in their environment. Be it on the radio or simply their parents singing silly songs to them. “Often, those silly songs were the only things that stopped the crying.”

Around the time the twins were turning eight months old, the Greens were interested to hear that a music programme for babies was launching in the city. Being premature, the girls’ sensory processing development needed addressing and having read about the benefits of music classes introduced from an early age, they felt it would be a wonderful activity for the girls to be involved in.

They were soon enrolled in the music programme and the impact from the first class was nothing short of profound.

“Julia, a typical cry baby, sat alone unassisted for the first time, during the entire class.

She was riveted.” Music class came to be the highlight of their week, not only for the obvious enjoyment, but for the noticeable developmental improvements in the girls, which included sitting still and paying attention, participation in the group, remembering songs and storylines in advance of the class, understanding and correctly interacting with the different instruments, “and the girls learnt counting and colours quickly because the information was put to song,” says Lauren.

smiled more, were easier to soothe, and showed less distress when things were unfamiliar or didn’t go their way.

While both class types included listening to music and all the infants heard a similar amount of music at home, a big difference between the classes was the interactive exposure to music.

got the music in you Cape Town-based mom Kirsty Savides and Joburg mom Magdalene Minnaar are both musical, so this naturally flowed into their parenting but, reassuringly, the way they integrate music into their children’s lives is simple enough for any parent to consider.

Kirsty exposed her son to music in utero and was already getting positive cues. “I was teaching piano while pregnant with him,” she says, “and he would jump around like crazy in my belly during the lessons.” Short of moms-to-be being able to play the piano, many moms like to play baroque or classical music in the house when it’s time to wind down.

Quite remarkably, there are studies indicating that infants remember sounds experienced in the last couple of months, before birth.

Kirsty also had music on-hand for its calming effect when her babies were colicky. She used every opportunity to expose them to many different styles of music, such as on car trips, and she sang instructions rather than yell instructions. Experts say you should sing simple, short songs in a high soft voice to your baby – try making up one or two lines about bathing, dressing and eating. Get your toddler to dance to music regularly and play songs with lots of repetition as this will stimulate their memorising ability. Buy them instruments, and when you’re playing music get them to reproduce the rhythm they hear.

Magdalene made a soothing playlist of music, mostly Mozart and Bach, which she has played to her son Jacob, now two years old, nearly every day since his birth. “I bought him a pair of good children’s headphones so he can listen to the playlist when we are travelling,” she says. In the same way it has guided and calmed Magdalene in her own life, music has helped Jacob to become the relaxed and focussed little boy his mom sees today.

Whatever sensory experience infants have affects their brain development, and music is no exception.

The role that music plays in a child’s development is a topic that has received major airtime. In the early 90s, The Mozart Effect was brought into public light. The concept suggests that early childhood exposure to classical music has a beneficial effect on mental development, enhancing intelligence, learning and creativity.

But, with time, the theory that simply playing classical music to your child will make them smarter had to make way for further research. “There is no evidence that listening to classical music has any more benefit than listening to any other type of music,” says Trainor. Rather, she emphasises the fact that whatever sensory experience infants have affects their brain development, and music is no exception.

The MIMM, which Trainor heads up, is an interdisciplinary group of researchers including psychologists, neuroscientists, music theorists, musicians, dancers, media artists, mathematicians, kinesiologists, health scientists and engineers. Part of their function is to study how the musical experience affects brain development, how musical training and exposure affects language, and cognitive and social abilities. In 2012 the institute released results from a study that was the first of its kind.

In the study, groups of babies and their parents spent six months participating in one of two types of weekly music instruction. One class involved interactive music-making and learning a small set of lullabies, nursery rhymes and songs with actions, and parents and infants worked together to learn to play percussion instruments, take turns and sing specific songs. In the other music class, infants and parents played at various toy stations while recordings from the Baby Einstein series played in the background.

Babies from the interactive classes showed better early communication skills, such as pointing at objects that were out of reach, and waving goodbye. Socially, these babies also

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May 2016

find the music ✻✻ Kindermusik Nationwide – PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.com

making music is a catalyst for learning

kindermusik.com ✻✻ Musical Rascals Cape Town and Durban – musicalrascals.co.za ✻✻ Shongololo Shakers Durban – shongololoshakers.co.za

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May 2016

9

dealing with difference

horse healing To those who have seen their child healed almost subliminally, the science of therapeutic riding rings true, says SHANNON NEILL.

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y seven-year-old son, Daniel, never stops moving; if you force him to keep still he sings or hums until he’s able to wriggle, squirm and run around again. He was six weeks old the first time I draped him across a pony’s back, and it was like flicking a switch – he calmed down almost immediately. Over the years, this equine form of Valium has never failed to work on him.

“Horses have been described as the finest mood-altering drug for those they motivate, with only positive side effects,” says Lisa Hare, a Cape Town-based occupational therapist and senior riding instructor who specialises in therapeutic riding. Horses are used as a therapy to teach children (and adults) cognitive, physical, social, emotional, educational and behavioural skills.

“The great thing about children riding as a therapy is that it’s fun, it’s outdoors, and it’s something many children fantasise about, but few get the chance to do. Instead of being teased or treated as if they’re strange because they’re having therapy, these children are the envy of their friends,” says Lisa.

Dr Lana van Niekerk, head of the Occupational Therapy Division at the University of Cape Town, explains: “It’s an opportunity to master an activity that is perceived to be very challenging. Activities in which many children engage tend to have lower esteem value than those in which fewer children engage. The esteem value of horse riding is therefore very high.”

what horses can do for children The relationship between the horse and the child is a safe, reciprocal one that involves caring and is non-judgmental. In other words, horses don’t say, “If you ride me well, I will like you”. In fact, Lisa firmly believes that good therapy ponies are sensitive to their riders’ needs, and make allowances for their inexpert riding.

It’s an important aspect of the therapy, as children with emotional challenges often struggle to form friendships or develop relationships, and their riding abilities make them more acceptable to their peers. The relationships children develop with the horses they ride are sometimes the first positive relationships they’ve ever had, says Lisa. Having connected once with an animal, it’s often easier for them to form relationships with people. “Learning to control the horse teaches some children how to control themselves,” she explains.

Sharon says, “The horse is a large creature that is gentle and prepared to tolerate things that people may struggle with. For a lot of children with emotional challenges, the horse is very good at reflecting their emotions, so if a child changes his or her mood and becomes soft and gentle, the horse reflects that. For children, it’s a good way to learn about the consequences of behaviour.” She goes on to explain that riding also gives children the opportunity to care for something and experience being cared for. And it provides an element of risk, which is important in developing emotionality in children.

“Children with physical difficulties and developmental issues are often cocooned against danger, but riding provides some risk. For a child, being able to do something they thought they couldn’t do is valuable in developing self-esteem and self-confidence.”

“Riding guarantees a real and observable outcome – being able to ride. It’s also brilliant in terms of offering a continual upgrading of the challenge,” says Lana.

Horses are not a miracle cure, but Lisa says the results sometimes seem to say otherwise.

Lizl, 11, is a lively, intelligent girl who now rides her horse competitively. She’s come a long way since she started therapeutic riding at the age of three and a half, because she didn’t speak.

“She was so withdrawn that if you stood on her toe she didn’t react. She wouldn’t eat, she was very slow, and she hated loud noises. The doctors didn’t know what was wrong with her, but they suspected autism,” says her mom, Yolanda. “The first time we put Lizl on a pony the words just poured out of her. She sang songs we’d sung to her for years without her reacting. Within four months of starting riding she was talking properly.” It sounds like magic, but part of it is pure science.

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May 2016

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PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.com

riding therapy

Sharon explains, “The middle ear is stimulated by the horse’s movement, there is an anti-gravitational response and an acoustic response: all this information is received in the low brain structure, which is the foundation area of the brain that is important in speech.”

Therapists use horses to help children with problems ranging from poor speech to emotional problems, hyperactivity, low muscle tone, disruptive behaviour, hand-eye coordination, Down’s syndrome, cerebral palsy, autism – in fact, most things you can imagine.

For children with physical handicaps or difficulties, horse riding provides a unique freedom of movement that no other therapy offers. “The horse’s movement rotates the child’s hips just as correct walking does,” says Lisa. This correct movement can help teach children, with the potential physical ability, to walk. “Riding therapy is known as a neuro-muscular facilitation technique. This means the movement of the horse is creating responses in the muscles and nervous system that are being processed in the brain,” explains Sharon.

“The movement is causing rotation around the spine and the effect of this is to normalise muscle tone, increase strength in the muscles, and position the pelvis as though the child is walking. The act of moving on the horse is training the brain pathways to understand the physical processes of walking.”

Riding is also good exercise for children who struggle to move themselves. “It offers an intense workout for children with physical problems – every time the horse takes a stride, the rider’s body automatically adjusts eight times,” says Lisa.

Riding can also provide huge emotional benefits to children with physical disabilities.

A University of Cape Town study found that riding can give independence. “The horse becomes an extension of the person, giving them the ability to move in ways they are usually unable to – walk, run and explore new environments,” says Lana.

The study also found that mastering the art of riding could have a huge impact on the child’s sense of identity. With the help of the horse, the child learns it is possible to overcome physical barriers and restrictions, and experience something natural, challenging and fulfilling.

This article first appeared in Child magazine, August 2006

therapy breakdown ✻✻ Hippotherapy Children with physical difficulties are passive and the emphasis is on the movement of the horse and the influence of this on the child. ✻✻ Developmental riding therapy The child is more active, and a number of exercises are introduced. It benefits children with physical disabilities, as well as intellectual and psychiatric problems. ✻✻ Psycho-educational vaulting and riding The emphasis is on utilisation of the whole horse and the space around it. This therapy is oriented towards children with remedial needs and psychiatric problems, as well as physically high-functioning children with learning impairments and psychiatric difficulties. ✻✻ Riding as a sport and skill Riding is taught while being aware of the therapeutic benefits. ✻✻ Equine-facilitated therapy The emphasis is not on riding, but on using the horse as a tool to deal with psychological issues.

resource ✻✻ SARDA (South African Riding for the Disabled Association) 082 449 5176, national@sarda.co.za or sarda.co.za

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May 2016

11

parenting

the choices, the guilt,

the beauty Modern parenting is a juggling act for most of us, especially mothers, so it doesn’t help when we’re bombarded by demands from every angle.

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MARY WUTH lets off a bit of steam, but admits it’s all worth it in the end.

never thought being a grown-up would be like this: the constant constraint on your time, the requests, the pressure, the guilt when you don’t get it all right. It never ends.

When my husband and I had children, we didn’t realise how defining the roles we chose, would be. The world was still a place where, in part, things were the way we imagined them to be. We lacked the knowledge that comes with age and experience. I wanted to stay at home with the children, to give them my full attention; Shaun wanted a good balance of work and dad time.

In theory, our choices were simple. They were made before we realised that no parenting decision is ever easy.

I dived into my choice of role with vigour. I revelled in every moment I got to spend with Lola after she was born, and even more so when my friends with babies were going back to work. I made conscious choices about her diet, her activities and her nap times. When I fell pregnant with Lincoln, I poured as much of me as I could into those same decisions with him. As hard as parenting two children one year apart was, I was thankful that I had the opportunity to do it.

Shaun poured himself into his work with equal vigour, and then he came home and enjoyed time with his children. The balance wasn’t always there, but we were always striving for it.

his own desire to “just be with his family”. This isn’t helped by the children’s questions of, “Why are you always working? Why can’t you spend more time with us like mommy does?” The guilt hovers like flies on a hot day. When he is at work, his mind is focused entirely on the pressures and demands of running a company. But because he is primarily responsible for bringing in the business, when work is not forthcoming, he spends his “family time” worrying about it. He can’t leave work at work and I can’t leave home at home. We carry around the weight of our seemingly simple decisions no matter what role we are trying to fill.

Some of the added baggage I have just lumped onto myself is the guilt of having a daughter who now thinks that women don’t work as hard as men.

The issue of women working has come up before and I have explained that women do work. Many have full time jobs, just like men, and they work just as hard. Some women choose to be at home after they have children, but not all women are lucky enough to have that choice. Although she understands at the time, it is still a recurring theme in conversation.

We had two women at our house the other day doing a quotation for window blinds. Lola looked confused and later whispered rather loudly in my ear, “But Mommy, why are they women?” I blushed a desperate shade of red.

Did they think I teach my daughter that woman don’t work? Lola knows in

Being a grown-up can suck at times, but the love you feel for your little people and the joy that they bring, that’s the beauty of adulthood.

off balance I know this balancing act isn’t reserved solely for moms. On the other side of the spectrum, Shaun is plagued with pressures at work while trying to manage

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theory that I work in the morning when she is at school, but she never sees me doing it because when she is around I am basically solely available to them.

I can’t explain that looking after a family and a home is work, because it’s a different kind of work. It’s first and foremost, a love.

undervalued I hope she comes to understand the different roles women play, but at the moment she is happily oblivious to the pressures and the guilt that plague most moms; possibly all parents. The roles we choose going into parenthood define us in our children’s eyes. They also define us in our own eyes. I know most stay-at-home moms don’t feel valued when being judged by society’s yardstick. The position of women in the home is sorely undervalued. The position of women, particularly mothers, in the workplace is equally sorely disrespected. The pressure and expectation that work will come magazine durban

ILLUSTRATIONS: SHUTTERSTOCK.com | PHOTOGRAPH: Mary Wuth

Fast forward six years, through buying a house, starting a company, travelling overseas for six months, and all in-between, and the roles we started off choosing have become as much a part of us as our fingerprints.

Despite being responsible for all internal functioning, budgeting, admin and being general dogsbody in our company, my primary role is still with the children. So when I have to fit a few hours of work into my day, I struggle to find the headspace. Between remembering what extramurals are on, who I’m lifting where, school outings, what I’m cooking for dinner, if there are enough groceries in the house, what home maintenance needs to be done and general family admin, my mind is a blur with mundane chores. Since having children, I’m not sure I’ve experienced the focus and clarity you can put into your work when you are allowed to relinquish the humdrum of daily life. When I’m with the children, I have half a mind on work, and when I’m working I have half a mind on the children and the house. I feel like I am never giving anything my full attention. And I find myself envious of the amount of work Shaun fits into his day.

before our children and our family is crippling, putting unnecessary pressure on moms and making the choices we are faced with when we have children even harder. We have enough parenting guilt without corporates loading on an extra dollop for good measure. Moms aren’t the only ones having their portion size increased either; dads are taking it in equal share. The fathers who want to be home in the evenings to tuck their little ones into bed are laughed at when they leave company drinks early, or looked down on when they excuse themselves from “voluntary” overtime.

The other night, as I tried to sneak out of the room while the children were falling asleep, Lola asked me why I don’t sit with them until they fall asleep, like Daddy does. “Daddy works harder than you do, but he can still sit with us.” It was like taking a punch in the gut. I was trying to sneak out of the room to finish drilling holes in the shower wall to hang the toiletries rack, clean the

magazine durban

kitchen after dinner, sort out the notices they brought home from school, and then finish some work at my computer. I’m pretty sure if I talk to her about it in 30 years’ time she will have quite a different opinion on it. If I ask my mom about all the insensitive things I said to her, this was probably on the list too.

I can’t expect my six year old to understand the complexities of what I juggle. That’s the beauty of childhood. Her turn will come. At least I hope it will, because as challenging and draining and pressure-filled as being a grown-up is, I get to kiss those cheeks goodnight before bed, even if I can’t always sit and watch them turn a rosy pink as they drop off to sleep. Being a grown-up can suck at times, but the love you feel for your little people and the joy that they bring, that’s the beauty of adulthood.

May 2016

13

getaway

the spirit leveller A weekend getaway to the seaside dorp of Struisbaai in the Western Cape evoked old childhood memories for LISA LAZARUS and created a few new ones.

“The word ‘power’ is banned in this car!” I shouted at them. “In fact, it’s not just in this car. It’s banned. End of story. You’re both on the same team. Nobody’s army is better or worse than anyone else’s! Nothing has more value than anything else.”

I can’t believe it!”

I shouted at the children, pouncing on one. “I used to look for shells like these with my mother.

Struisbaai hasn’t changed much in 35 years: there’s the supermarket on the right; a bit further down, the guys selling rooikrans on the side of the road. Things happen slowly. When we camped, I remember my father levelling the caravan for hours with a spirit leveller. I know it’s not quite called that – the term is like something from a Victorian séance – but that’s what I remember. Whatever he used, it required a great deal of concentration, silence from us, and shouting from him. I don’t remember if the caravan was ever level or not. Probably not. In later years, we just took a kombi and I slept across the front seat over the gear shafts.

In some ways, children are much tougher than adults.

Our children stayed in a beach house, with clean white sheets. On the first day of our weekend away the wind picked up at 10am. My brother suggested a sheltered beach next to the harbour, a short drive away.

Unbelievably, there were masses of sea urchins stuffed between the rocks.

“I can’t believe it!” I shouted at the children, pouncing on one. “I used to look for shells like these with my mother.”

I held up a tiny serrated green urchin, symmetrically patterned with white dots.

They whooped and screamed, and searched for more. We collected a whole bunch of them and stuffed them in somebody’s shoe to keep them safe. The next day we returned early in the morning to scour the beach for riches.

“Naah,” I said to the younger one holding up a piece of mussel shell. “Look at this.” I held up a peachy cone. “Rare.”

My oldest son had found a crab. He watched it scuttle sideways towards the sea. It dawned on me then that it might not be true after all, that the entire “shell currency” had been made up by my mother to keep a small child occupied on a very windy beach.

The way back to Cape Town seemed shorter than the trip to Struisbaai. Weirdly, it often seems to take longer to get somewhere than to go back.

The children took up their fighting. The dog did its thing.

“Alien Avenger is the strongest ever,” said the eight year old, holding up a vicious-looking white and blue Lego mini figure.

“Noooo!” screamed the smaller one. “I want it.”

I sighed. “I don’t want to hear the words ‘strong’ or ‘valuable’. They’re banned. Remember.” Then I added for good measure, “Or the word ‘power’.”

“Can I say ‘power-line’?” asked Greg, gazing wistfully out the window at the silent trees, and the many sheep in the distance dotting the yellow-green hills.

PHOTOGRAPHS: SHUTTERSTOCK.com AND lisa lazarus

r

ecently we headed out to Struisbaai for a weekend away. This town, nestling next to the southernmost tip of Africa, is known for having the longest beach in the Southern hemisphere, for still being a sleepy little dorpie, and for the wind. It also has a restaurant named “Restaurant”.

As a child I’d gone camping there often with my parents. While my father windsurfed, my mother and I collected shells. We’d walk the beach for hours, eagleeyed, and ever hopeful. There were swirly cones (very high value), perfect green sea urchins (moderately high value, but only if the creature inside had departed), bright pink fans (pretty but common), and a whole mass of ordinary shells, not worth the effort of bending down to pick them up.

That was then. This time around, before we arrived at the longest beach in this part of the world, we had the longest drive in the world. The bottom of the car kept falling off. I’m sure there’s a more technical term for the plastic undercarriage of the vehicle, but, well, we were heading to Struisbaai, where there’s a restaurant called “Restaurant”.

Luckily, we had a roll of duct tape. Greg said his best moments were spent out on the highway, lying under the car, taping it back together.

“It’s quiet out there,” he said. “I can’t hear the children or the dog.” (I thought that was a bit unfair. The dog wasn’t really making a noise, though it was making its presence felt in other more subtle ways.) “All I hear is the stillness.”

While he was lying underneath the car, the children fought furiously. They had developed an intricate Lego currency consisting of powerful and weak armies, rare pieces, and desirable mini-figures. Unfortunately, they had brought some of these items with them. The older one would make the younger one scream by claiming greater military power.

Joshua, aged four, making dinosaur prints to scare other beachgoers.

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magazine durban

May 2016

15

health

steer clear of the

sniffles Colds and flu are a fact of life for children.

But the good news is, there are smart steps you can take to give their immune system a boost.

TAMMY JACKS finds out more.

w

ith winter just around the corner, what can you do to protect your child from the array of germs floating around? In the colder months, we tend to spend more time indoors, making it easier for germs to spread.

give their immune system a boost For babies, the first line of defence against a viral or bacterial infection is breastfeeding, says Joburg-based paediatrician, Dr Dewald Buitendag. “At birth, a baby’s immune system is still immature. Luckily nature compensates for this by letting mothers transfer their immunity onto their babies. This happens when maternal antibodies cross the placenta during pregnancy, as well as when protective immunoglobulins pass through breast milk during feeding,” he says.

These antibodies only last for a few months and then run low, but the good news is, from six months of age, children start to produce their own antibodies. “To kick-start this process we immunise babies against the most common childhood illnesses,” adds Buitendag. Once your child starts school, it’s essential to keep routine vaccinations up to date and to consider an annual flu vaccination, says Cape Town-based doctor, Blaise Witney. This gives the immune system the “blueprint” to be prepared to fight off common viral and bacterial infections.

encourage a healthy diet When it comes to warding off infections, a healthy diet is essential, says Joburg-based dietician, Abby Courtenay.

A good balance of both macro- (carbs, protein and fat) and micronutrients (vitamins and minerals) are a must for meals. Focus on lean protein, good-quality dairy, wholegrains, plant fats, plus fruits and vegetables in their most natural form. Treats like ice-cream, sweets and chocolate should be limited since sugar places a huge amount of stress on a developing immune system, adds Cape-Town based nutritional therapist, Hannah Kaye. The aim is to encourage your child to eat more vegetables and to incorporate them into at least two meals a day, she says.

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consider a multivitamin and mineral supplement While you might question whether it’s necessary to spend money on vitamins and supplements, Kaye believes the answer depends on the child. “If you have a fussy eater who doesn’t like fruits and vegetables, then it’s worth investing in a multivitamin and mineral supplement, plus a good probiotic as it contains beneficial flora, which regulate immunity. A cod-liver oil supplement is also important as it not only contains anti-inflammatory fish oils but also vitamins A and D, which are essential for immunity. “A daily zinc supplement also goes a long way in combatting colds and flu,” she adds.

Let your child play outside, have fun and move as much as possible, rather than have them sit indoors. promote good exercise and sleep habits Studies have shown that sleep helps to regulate immune function. On the contrary, lack of sleep can lead to chronic low-grade inflammation and immunodeficiency (a sluggish immune response), both of which have a detrimental impact on health, says Kaye. The fact is, children need at least 10 to 11 hours of sleep a night to build a robust immune system, adds Witney.

Stress can also weaken the immune system. To combat this, Kaye recommends that you let your child play outside, have fun and move as much as possible, rather than have them sit indoors in front of an iPad or computer.

watch out for winter

PHOTOGRAPHS: SHUTTERSTOCK.com

Cold and flu viruses survive better in colder, drier climates than in warmer, humid conditions, says Joburg-based paediatrician, Dr Dewald Buitendag. Also, during winter people tend to spend more time indoors with the windows closed. This makes it easier for a virus to spread from one person to another. To help your child stay healthy, don’t spend too long in poorly ventilated areas such as shopping malls, wash their hands regularly, use blankets and warm clothes rather than heaters and avoid contact with anyone who’s sneezing or coughing.

immune-boosting lunchbox ideas ✻✻ Sliced strawberries with a pumpkin seed yoghurt dip ✻✻ Tuna salad (with broccoli florets and peppers) with cottage cheese dressing ✻✻ Crustless quiche (egg muffins) made with spinach ✻✻ Roast beef or baked beans with hummus on wholegrain toast Courtesy of Abby Courtenay, dietician

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17

spotlight

feminism and

motherhood Equality is at the core of our constitution, and with most moms working and dads increasingly sharing chores, questions of feminism and motherhood may seem a non-issue to many. But factors like a return to “attachment parenting” have brought them to

lame it on Sheldon’s geek girlfriend Dr Amy Fowler in The Big Bang Theory, or rather on actress Mayim Bialik, who plays her in the sitcom. In a rare case of fiction reflecting reality, Bialik has a PhD in neuroscience – and is an ardent feminist. She is also a mother and (the real shocker, it turns out) an outspoken advocate of attachment parenting.

For Bialik, rejecting routine inductions and interventions in labour, breast-feeding on demand for as long as possible, bonding with babies in slings where they can hear your heartbeat, keeping them in your bed, and spending as much time with them as you can through early childhood, represent the best in mothering, for those who can manage it, and the new face of feminism. “We have empowered ourselves and refuse to endure a male-centred obstetric history that has taken women’s bodies and moulded them to their preferences for their convenience, their comfort and for their world view,” she wrote in the New York Times, and reiterates this on her website, Grok Nation, drawing on her experiences raising sons Miles (10) and Fred (8). She has even written a book about it: Beyond the Sling: A Real-Life Guide to Raising Confident, Loving Children the Attachment Parenting Way. Yet attachment parenting, and anything else that smacks of stay-at-home motherhood, is anathema to some feminists (see “feminism and motherhood 101”), who see it as keeping women prisoners to their biology – cutting them off from careers and the corporate world, where they should still be breaking glass ceilings and storming corner offices. They consider it as threatening the gains of the feminist revolution, which they contend has not yet made the workplace fully woman-friendly – let alone mother-friendly.

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Kristin Rowe-Finkbeiner, the author of The F-Word: Feminism in Jeopardy and co-author of The Motherhood Manifesto, says motherhood is today a bigger predictor of inequality than gender. “Too often mothers in the workplace have to hide the fact that they have children, tipping over the pictures in offices and not talking about their families, in order to be taken seriously,” she writes. She cites studies showing that even when candidates have identical résumés, education and job experience, moms are far less likely to land jobs than non-moms, and are offered lower salaries.

Her co-author, liberal activist Joan Blades, adds, “When mothers choose to ‘lean in’ to high pressure jobs that entail long working hours, they often have guilt heaped on them for supposedly neglecting their children. And when some choose to adjust their careers to have more family and personal time, they’re often accused of betraying feminism. It’s damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.”

So where does all this leave today’s mom? Can you be one and still be a feminist? Or is motherhood at odds with feminism – especially stay-home motherhood?

Bialik has no doubts: “It’s just as much a feminist choice to be a parent as it is to not be one,” she says in an interview with Yahoo Celebrity. She made her choice work, as most women do, through compromise – ditching neuroscience for television work with more flexible, parent-friendly hours: “I’m glad that I completed my PhD and I’m very proud of it,” she says. “But the life of a research professor would not have suited my needs in terms of what kind of parenting I wanted to do.” Interestingly, she is now divorced.

magazine durban

ILLUSTRATIONS: SHUTTERSTOCK.com

b

the fore once again. By GLYNIS HORNING

feminism

&

motherhood equal partners?

We asked a few South African moms how they feel about the issue…

Leisl Algeo, 33, education company MD, mom of Cole, men in many ways, but motherhood reminded me there seven and Gabriel, five are some roles only women can take on – especially in a Does being a mom make you less of a feminist? “The child’s life.” opposite – it’s tougher to ask for equality when you’re a Is an egalitarian parenting partnership possible? “Yes, mom, so feminism (‘the advocacy of women’s rights on but it’s not easy. Thabile’s dad and I have different the ground of the equality of the sexes’) is needed more expectations and different roles to play. We’re no longer than ever.” together, but he provides finances for schooling (though I Is an egalitarian parenting partnership possible? “It provide too). I’m the one who does daily parenting, and I’m takes practice and constant recommitment to support each okay with that. We’re friends, which is important, because other to be equal parents and careerists. I’m almost always fathers are vital role models in a child’s life. When our the parent who gets home early daughter starts dating, she for the children, so when I ask will know what a man who that my husband does this once truly cares for her is like.” in a while and he still gets home Does feminism colour late, I SCREAM feminism.” your parenting? “Thabile’s Does feminism colour your a tomboy – she likes dolls parenting? “I teach my sons that but also bikes and monster you can do or be anything. That trucks, and I’m fine with that. means my youngest sometimes I tell her the packaging says – Mayim Bialik wants to be a fairy or a dancer, for ‘children’ of so many and it’s important to me that he years, not for boys or girls. feels supported. My husband and I also talk to the boys It’s not about your gender, it’s about your interests and about how we all do housework – it’s not mom’s job.” skills. I just want her to be her best self.”

We have empowered ourselves and refuse to endure a male-centred obstetric history.

Jane Linley-Thomas, 35, radio presenter, mom of Cooper, five and twins Rocco and Lula, three Does being a mom make you less of a feminist? “No ways. But I guess I’m lucky to be married to the man I am [married to].”

Is an egalitarian parenting partnership possible? “Mike and I tackle everything [parenting] together – in fact, he is the one who cooks dinner every night and has been at the forefront of every dirty nappy from the start.”

Does feminism colour your parenting? “We do have roles – dad is the guy you can rough and tumble with, and I am the warm embrace a moment away, always. And Cooper and Rocco certainly gravitate towards sharks, pirates and dinosaurs, where Lula and I would rather paint our nails and play with my trunk of jewels. But we are a very close unit and love nothing more than all lying together under a duvet reading books or watching a movie. Being covered in snot, Marmite, tears and sticky gunk is part of this journey.”

Lungile Langa, 29, journalist, mom of Thabile, eight Does being a mom make you less of a feminist? “I believe women are powerful in their own right, equal to

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Omeshnie Naidoo, 34, media group lifestyle executive, mom of Vittal, four, and Keshav, one Does being a mom make you less of a feminist? “I see no conflict between feminist values and motherhood.

Biologically, I just happen to be the one that can carry the baby – motherhood is my privilege.”

Is an egalitarian parenting partnership possible?

“Dhivan and I are in an equal partnership. We split the costs, chores (we don’t have domestic help), and the responsibility of raising the children – not always in equal parts, as work gets in the way, but we’re accommodating of each other. And there’s no task designated “male” or “female” in our home – he does nappies and bottle feeds, just like I do. In fact, we’re highly competitive.”

Does feminism colour your parenting? “I’m raising my boys to see male and female as equal. But I’ve had family members say to them, ‘only girls cry’ or ‘you throw like a girl’. I’m still a child in the extended family system, and battle to assert myself as an adult with the right to raise my children as I see fit. I was made to feel inadequate for not being able to have a natural birth and breast-feed, and that made me irate. I say, be the mother you want to be.”

First-wave feminists, such as Simone de Beauvoir, Kate Millett and Betty Friedan, pointed out the link between women’s oppression and their role as mothers. As the preface to a 1971 collection of feminist writing, Liberation Now!, put it, “We are not against love, against men and women living together, against having children. What we are against is the role women play once they become wives and mothers.” Women were encouraged to repress their maternal desires and put off having children.

From the 60s, second-wave feminists such as Sara Ruddick and Mary O’Brien emphasised women’s right to work, and the idea that motherhood was not necessary for fulfillment, that it restricted entry to public life and fed into “patriarchal agendas”.

From the mid-80s on, thirdwave feminists have been divided, some moving from the early criticism of motherhood to celebrating it, others intensifying the attack. Views differ widely, but Jane Price Knowles, in Women-Defined Motherhood: A Feminist Perspective, says the challenge of mothering now seems to be “not how to be ‘good enough’, but to dare to believe in our goodness enough to be ‘bad enough’.”

For more on the topic see Motherhood and Maternity – Feminist Critiques at science. jrank.org

May 2016

19

resource

me-time for mom Being a mom is no easy task, but nurturing

yourself while raising your family needs honest encouragement. MARINA ZIETSMAN asked

Pack up your girlfriends, and show them how it’s done... down the track with a 4x4 It gives us a sense of safety manoeuvring our sturdy 4x4s through city traffic, or rolling over traffic humps in mall parking lots, but why not learn more about your all-in-one vehicle and take it on a genuine safari? You can book an introductory course, where you learn more about your vehicle and what it can do for you on a 4x4 trail. When you’ve mastered the basics, you can do an accredited training course or an advance-training course. Then pack up your girlfriends, or family, and show them how it’s done on a 4x4 trip. Go to 4x4track.co.za for options in all our provinces.

moms what they really wanted, and compiled

dress-up casino night

this list of mom-time excursions.

Don an outfit fit for the red carpet, and treat yourself to a night at a casino. Try your luck at roulette, blackjack or a “one-arm bandit” (budget for this; use only a specified amount to gamble with, what you win you take home and what you lose must not hurt your pocket), then enjoy a meal at one of the many restaurants, ending the evening with a world-class show. Visit the websites of these casinos to track upcoming shows: Montecasino in Fourways, Grand West in Cape Town, Suncoast Casino in Durban or Morula Sun Casino near Pretoria (tsogosun.com or suninternational.com)

cook like a local

Taking a cruise on a luxury ocean liner is as close to an all-in-one holiday as you can get. Combine sunbathing and activities from a holiday resort, the spa options from a wellness retreat, the nightlife and restaurants from a casino and beautiful and interesting destinations, and you get a moving holiday of a lifetime. Or if you just need a recharge weekend or midweek break with your girlfriends, choose a short cruise option. MSC Cruises has shorter trips from Durban to Cape Town, and trips leaving Cape Town and returning to the Mother City or a long cruise from Durban to the Portuguese Islands near Mozambique. And if you cannot leave the family at home, there are options where children cruise free of charge. Opt for a cruise that has activities for children where they are kept busy, while you indulge in luxury. Even teenagers are catered for.

Canyon Ranch offers the Spa Club @ Sea packages on the Queen Mary II, Oceania Cruises, Regent Seven Seas Cruises and Celebrity Cruises – luxury getaways all over the world. For more info: msccruises.co.za, canyonranchdestinations.com or for more international variety fodors.com

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May 2016

glamping

spa heaven

Glamorous camping is an excellent way to enjoy the great outdoors without having to endure the great outdoors.

Glamping is not such a new concept though. Google reports that the key word started being searched for on their site around 2007. But way back the Bedouins and Turkish Ottomans set up glamorous tents, and in the early 1900s Europeans on safari in Africa refused to rough it, and well-equipped tents were erected for them. Today, glamping means any kind of semi-permanent structure in the outdoors with features far beyond that of a simple tent.

In South Africa you can opt for luxury safari tents such as Gorah Elephant Camp in the Addo Elephant National Park, where each luxury tent has its own deck offering panoramic views of the plains. In the Knysna region there are several treehouse and treetop settings to choose from, as the lush forests in the area offer a fairy-tale setting for privacy and adventure. International destinations to consider include White Pine Ancient Forest outside Toronto in Canada, secluded tented lodges in France, beach glamping in Australia, ocean huts in Mexico, tented cabins in Uganda, lush tents in Thailand… the list is endless. For destinations around the globe: glampinghub.com

A trip to the spa is not an extravagance. Health spas are incredibly relaxing places, making them a great destination for de-stressing and relaxing. Spa treatments are also beneficial for your skin, muscles and joints, and aid better sleep. Depending on your spa wish list, you can choose from an extensive selection of spas. Resort and hotel spas usually offer a wide variety of recreational facilities, while destination spas offer a full-immersion spa experience in which all guests participate. If you’re going for opulence, opt for the crème de la crème of spas, the connoisseur spa. These usually have extraordinary ambience, luxury accommodation, high staff-to-guest ratio, exceptional service and superb cuisine. Day and salon spas offer a simple, flexible way to incorporate treatments into your everyday life, while medical or cosmetic spas operate under the full-time supervision of a licenced healthcare practitioner. For a bit of luxury research, visit luxuryhotelawards.com for local and overseas options.

magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPHS: SHUTTERSTOCK.com AND f11photo / shutterstock.com

cruise the seas

Whether you want to visit a foreign market and haggle over the price of veggies and spices, or pick your own fresh ingredients to cook al fresco, travelling the world to learn different cuisines is a cultural experience that’s hard to beat. Book a tour that offers visits to organic farms, while you travel around Israel, and cook vegetarian dishes with outstanding chefs. You can learn more about China on a tea tour where real tea masters are your guides.

You can even book a Taste of Iceland culinary tour.

Provence is always a popular choice with culinary tours ranging from organic vegan cooking, truffle hunting holidays, and wine and culinary tours.

Italy, another gastronomic destination, offers olive harvesting working holidays, Under the Tuscan Sun cooking holidays, Sicily cooking adventures and much more. Locally there are plenty of city-based cooking schools for short courses and cooking getaways in the Winelands and the Karoo. Visit bookculinaryvacations.com

pack a yoga mat You’ve been diligently packing your yoga mat in the car boot, driving to the gym or the local yoga studio, just to be back in the bustle of the city driving home… for chores and to prepare dinner or take the youngest to the ENT. Would you like to unpack your mat and stay a while longer in yoga bliss? Then a yoga retreat is the answer. Usually these retreats are hidden from civilisation with stunning settings and blissful peace. On a retreat, away from the usual distractions of your daily life, you will be able to focus solely on your practice. You will also detox digitally, as you’ll be away from the city, your laptop, cellphone, television and other connected devices. And because you are in a “dome of wellness” most of the time, you’ll also eat healthy. Combine this serenity with a bit of adventure, and book a yoga retreat in another country where you can make global yoga friends and see a new world. For inspiration go to bookyogaretreats.com where you can book yoga-style retreats from Egypt or Finland, to Estonia or Ireland.

shopping the world Shopping makes you feel good. Research has proven how shopping activates key areas of the brain, boosting our mood and making us feel better. Keep in mind you don’t want to overspend, but if you have the budget, why not shop “big”. Fifth Avenue in New York is known as one of the best shopping streets in the world with expensive department stores and designer boutiques, and spectacular window displays during Christmas.

Bond Street in London’s West End is one of Europe’s busiest boulevards. Or opt for luxurious stores in Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills. You might run into one of Hollywood’s rich and famous at Chanel. Avenue Montaigne in Paris is where you’ll find the home of designers such as Louis Vuitton. If a new Gucci bag is not priority, why not explore a busy street market in another country. La Boqueria in Barcelona, Spain has been around since the 13th century and you can even take a Catalan cooking course at the market. If you want to experience the Indian sub-continent at its best, brave Chandni Chowk in Delhi, India where you can buy anything… literally anything. In northern Africa, Marrakech is home to some of the best, and most authentic shopping options in Morocco. Visit condenast.com or tripadvisor.com and type “best shopping” in their search engines. You’ll leave tomorrow.

explore a world city on foot If you are self-sufficient, healthy-minded and environmentally conscious then discovering a world city on foot would be a likeable option. While walking around a new city, you can explore historical sites and architecture at leisure, find beautiful, non-touristy spaces and meet local residents. Here are a few suggestions to make your feet itchy. In Rome, lovers of history will find countless attractions on every street and lane, no matter how insignificant it may seem. From the Roman Forum and the Pantheon, to the Trevi Fountain and Colosseum, the city has many unexpected wonders. In New Orleans you can circle your way through the French Quarter where you’ll find stunning architecture, and see street painters and musicians through hidden gateways and in front of local cafes – a vibrant experience at best. Or try Budapest, where the Danube River splits the city in two, and you can marvel at the museums in both parts, Buda and Pest. For inspiration, invest in the book Walkable City by Jeff Speck (Macmillan Publishers) or visit freecitytour.com.

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21

books

a good read toddlers Hogs Hate Hugs!

By Tiziana Bendall-Brunello and John Bendall-Brunello (Published by Lion’s Children’s Books, R264) Little Hog is the cutest, cuddliest hog in the whole forest, and everyone wants to hug him. But one day Little Hog gets fed up with all this hugging – he’s too grown up for that. Can his friends persuade him that you can never be too old for a hug?

With adorable and lively illustrations packed with character, this picture book is fantastic for parents and children to enjoy together.

preschool The Landy Series

By Veronica Lamond (Published by Struik Nature, R95 each) Educational with an environmental message, these beautifully illustrated books will delight young children and the large community of “landy” owners. The first book in the series, Landy, tells of Jack finding Landy abandoned at the bottom of the field and how they start their new life together. In the next book we meet Fender, and the adventures begin.

early grades Freckle Juice

By Judy Blume and Emily Gravett (Published by Macmillan Children’s Books, R103) Andrew wants freckles. He wants to be like Nicky Lane, who has millions of them. If he had freckles like Nicky, then his mother would never notice when his neck was dirty. He wouldn’t have to wash and he’d never be late for school.

for moms The Daughterhood

By Natasha Fennell and Róisín Ingle preteens and teens All About Pumpkin

By Natasha Farrant (Published by Faber and Faber, R164) In the third book in this series for children from the age of 11 years old, Bluebell, Twig and Jas are sent to stay with Grandma for the summer. There is sobbing and shouting.

There are horses and night-time dares, confusing boys and grandmas to look after.

But there is also laughter and love – and that is what being a family is all about.

for us Durban Curry: So Much of Flavour

By Erica Platter and Clinton Friedman (Published by Paw Paw, R281) If you love curry, you’ll come across recipes in this book you either forgot about or never knew existed. If you’re new to the world of curries, within these pages are carefully sourced formulae, lovingly shared by their inventors.

From Cindy’s Chicken and Egg Curry, Yoshan’s Masala Braai Chops, to Mango Achar and Govinda’s Paneer Chutney, it’s a book full of spice and flavour.

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May 2016

(Published by Simon and Schuster, R371) The relationship we have with our mothers is one of the most complex we’ll ever know.

It’s universally recognised that while the bond between mothers and daughters can be especially close, it can also bring challenges.

When Natasha’s mother was diagnosed with a progressive illness, she wasn’t ready to deal with the consequences. With this a process of selfscrutiny began. She also knew she wasn’t the only person feeling like this, and with a call-out in an Irish newspaper, hundreds of responses poured in. From there this book was born.

for us The Illustrated South African First Aid Manual

By Linda Buys (Published by Struik Lifestyle, R146) This book offers concise, yet comprehensive, instructions on how to deal with all common firstaid emergencies, including bleeding, epilepsy, poisoning, amputations, diarrhoea, shock, burns, vomiting, choking, wounds, hypothermia, CPR, bites, heatstroke, drowning, fractures, stings, strains and sprains, eye injuries, as well as domestic pet first aid. Step-by-step illustrations show the latest procedures. magazine durban

calendar

what’s on in may Compiled by Tamlyn Vincent

Coffee and Chocolate Expo

1

The 2016 show features different themed areas designed to create both a visual and sensory experience. Visitors can learn tips, techniques and the latest trends from the masters on how to create their own chocolate and coffee delights. The show starts at 4pm on 29 April, and 10am from 30 April–2 May. It’s held at Suncoast Casino and tickets are R70 online or R90 at the door. For more info: coffeechoc.co.za

1

The Terracotta Army and the First Emperor of China: The Exhibition This is an extraordinary voyage into Ancient China of 2 200 years ago, and is the most complete exhibition ever created on the Terracotta Army, the necropolis and life of the First Emperor. It is on display at Gateway Theatre of Shopping from 10am–7pm until 29 May. Tickets range from R140 for adults to R350 for a family of

Access an extended calendar online at

childmag.co.za or submit an event for June before 29 April to durban@ childmag.co.za

Helen Martins and the Owl House – a personal view This exhibit from Jannie van Heerden opens at 11am on 30 April, and is on display until 19 May at ArtSpace Durban at 3 Millar Rd. The gallery is open from 9am Monday to Saturday.

Visit artspace-durban.com for more details.

1 Cat Rocks Take a rocking flight with Cat Simoni’s golden voice, her virtuoso piano and her all-time favourite rock classics.

Shows are at 2pm on 1 and 8 May, and 6:30pm on 8 May at the Rhumbelow Theatre in Umbilo. Tickets cost R140 at computicket.com

four, and are available from webtickets.co.za

1

RSPA Theatre School – MTW musical theatre camp

Grade 6–12 students are trained by international musical theatre powerhouse MTW, founded by Duane Alexander and Anton Luitingh who together have over 16 professional productions under their belts, as performers, directors and choreographers. The camp takes place at Twinstreams Environmental Education Centre in Mtunzini from 4pm on 29 April to 1pm on 2 May. R2 100 includes training, accommodation and food. For more info: rspa.co.za

5Musical Theatre workshop

Calling all budding young singers, actors,

dancers and drama students. Learn the art of musical theatre or fine tune your singing, dancing and acting skills from two of South Africa’s highly regarded and experienced musical theatre performers. Junior classes are from 2:30pm–5pm 5 and 6 May and 9am–1pm 7 and 8 May; seniors from 5:30pm–8:30pm 5 and 6 May and 1:30pm–5:30pm 7 and 8 May. The workshop takes place at Crawford College, La Lucia. Juniors pay R1 000, and seniors R1 200. Contact Anton on 082

PHOTOGRAPHS AND ILLUSTRATIONS: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

336 7913 or musicaltheatreworkshop.co.za

5

New Stages

The Playhouse Company presents a season of cutting-edge theatre in May. Shows include Africa Celebrates on 6 and 7 May, The Cenotaph of Dan Wa Moriri from 5–7 May, Sean Bovim’s Romeo’s Kiss from 12–14 May and A Voice I Cannot Silence, 12–20 May. Show times and prices vary, and tickets are available at computicket.com

magazine durban

Curro Hillcrest school opening

High

Curro Hillcrest has opened a new high school campus, with numerous sports facilities, a diverse cultural offering and a strong academic grounding. Senior primary and high school pupils and parents can attend the opening from 9am–11am at the corner of Inanda Rd and JF Bailes Dr, Hillcrest. Contact Fiona on

Sizanani Centre Mother’s Day fundraiser Help raise funds for the Sizanani Centre and enjoy an evening with Killer Queen. It takes place at 8pm at The Barnyard Theatre in Gateway. Tickets are R155. Contact Juanita on 031 206 1479, 076 899 5510 or helpfind4u@ gmail.com

7

marketing.hca@curro.co.za

May 2016

23

calendar

12

Umhlanga College Bands Concert “Vortex Blast” A fun

14

Feed The Babies ladies pamper day The day includes a scrumptious breakfast and snacks, massages, great entertainment, goodie bags and more, along with special guest Angelique SilvaLeaf, a well-known psychic, medium and clairvoyant. It starts at 8am at Coastlands Musgrave, Ridge Rd. Tickets cost R250. Contact 031 201 4682 or info@ feedthebabiesfund.org.za

concert for all ages, featuring a number of different bands all playing popular numbers. It takes place at Umhlanga College in Prestondale from 6pm–8pm.

21 Dance Some More Dancers of all levels and ages from Floorcraft Dance Studio and

Maya

Dance

Company,

perform in their annual show.

A variety of dance styles are featured including belly dance, Latin-American, ballroom and line dance. Show times are 3pm and 8pm at iZulu Theatre, Sibaya Casino, and tickets are R100. Book at computicket.com

Contact: marketing@ ucollege.co.za

22

21 Weber Grill Academy

The Discovery East Coast Radio Big Walk Whether you want to spend time with your family, play catch-up with friends or bond with your work mates, this annual event brings people together from around the province. There are four routes (5km, 10km, 15km and 20km) that take walkers along the promenade, starting at uShaka Marine World and ending at People’s Park, Moses Mabhida Stadium. Entries range from R71,50 to R95 and can be done online or at selected Totalsports stores. For more info ecr.co.za

This class teaches the braai basics of direct and indirect cooking, and covers different heat sources.

It runs from 10am–2pm at Gecko Culinary Adventures in Musgrave.

The class is R530. For more info: geckoschool.co.za

Tekkie Tax

Kick off your high heels, school shoes or work boots and swap them for your comfy pair of tekkies, all for a good cause. Donate R10 and get a sticker for your cause at any participating welfare organisation, Clicks and Toys R Us stores. Visit tekkietax.co.za

27

Sky Grand Prix of Aerobatics Listen to the thrilling sounds and watch the aerobatics of these flying machines as they execute their manoeuvres with speed and fine precision

28

in the skies above Durban. The event runs from 8am–2pm at Greyville Racecourse. Tickets are on sale at Computicket and available at Greyville on the day. Contact topnotch079@gmail.com

28

St Mary’s entrance assessments

John Wesley fun day

Enjoy a day of good fun, food, prizes and games. There is no entry fee but activities are individually priced. The day is geared towards 2–8 year olds, and runs from 9:30am–12:30pm at John Wesley Pre-Primary School in La Lucia. For more details call 031 562 0239

31 1 Hit Wonders

A tribute to recording artists who

only had one hit song and then disappeared into obscurity, never to be heard of again. The show runs until 10 July, with performances at 8pm Tuesday–Saturday and 2pm on Sunday, at The Barnyard Theatre, Gateway. Tickets are R155,

Wednesday–

Saturday, R120 on

Grade 1–7 assessments take place on 28 May; there

Tuesday and R110

are no Grade R assessments. Places are still available

on Sunday. For more

for Grades R–1 for 2017. To apply online, visit

info: 031 566 3045

stmarysdsg.co.za

or barnyardtheatres. co.za

24

May 2016

magazine durban

school open day markets PLG Ballito Academy open day Join the open day on 14 May from 9am–11am, to view the school and facilities. The school is at Nandi Mthembu Dr in Ballito Business Park. Contact them on 032 586 0530 or ballito@plgschools.co.za

The Twilight Market This outdoor market has arts, crafts, delicious food and drink as well as live entertainment.

The market offers local entrepreneurs a platform to market and sell their products. It’s held every Friday from 5pm–9pm at Kloof Country Club.

Contact 072 368 9139 or vashti@ cartelcreativelab.co.za

Wonder Market If you’re into all things local, well-crafted and pleasing to look at and wear, then the Wonder Market is the place to be. There you will find beautiful artwork, unusual jewellery, bespoke fashion, farm-fresh produce, home decor and lots of good food to eat. Wonder market is petfriendly too. It takes place on 29 May from 9am–2pm in Chris Saunders Park, Umhlanga. Contact 074 467 2464

next month in june is our “let’s party” issue on street 24 May

don’t miss our bumper party resource: from planning the best bash to party favours, inspiration to bake like a pro and thank-you notes – we’ve got it covered we look at… philanthropic parties – making birthdays meaningful for more than just your child it’s father’s day what makes a great dad? the joys of a man cave also... do we need vitamin B?

plus

our education focus: should I let my child fail?

To advertise call: (031) 209 2200 or email: dbnsales@ childmag.co.za Booking deadline: 6 May | Material deadline: 10 May magazine durban

May 2016

25

finishing touch

in the year BC… Before her children were born, ANÉL LEWIS spent her spare time seeking out the picturesque things in life, but with two children

long, long time ago, in the halcyon years BC – Before Children – my husband, Craig, and I enjoyed visiting new places. We browsed the stalls at quaint markets, and tasted fine wine at cellars overlooking picturesque valleys.

But now, with two energetic children under the age of six in tow, the closest I get to seeing anything picturesque is the “conserve water” poster on the back of a cloakroom door.

The demands start as soon as we park the car.

“Mom, I need to go to the bathroom.” We’ve just arrived at a beautiful farm and Conor has made a beeline for the jungle gym. Erin takes a sharp left and heads for the restroom.

“No problem,” I say. We go – and after a few minutes we’re ready to settle down for a relaxing picnic. But as soon as I shake out the blanket, I feel a tug at my side.

“Mom, I need to go right now,” whispers Conor.

“Of course you do,” I mutter to myself. I look imploringly at Craig. But before he can stand up, Conor shouts: “No! Mom, you have to take me.”

Back to the “conserve water” poster and the floral bathroom. At least it’s cool in there. In the distance, I can hear the enticing “clink” of wine being poured. I catch a snippet of animated conversation. But where I am, there’s no entertainment… just the hum of the fan and Conor kicking his feet against the porcelain bowl.

it’s party time

26

May 2016

After a mini meltdown because the dryer is “too loud” and the water “too cold”, we head back. Seven minutes later, Erin’s decided that she needs another bathroom visit.

And yes, it seems I am the only person remotely qualified to accompany her.

This time, I take my phone so that I can catch up on some social media updates, while she does her business.

But my hopes are dashed when she shouts, “Mom, put that phone away.” There’s nothing to do but wait, and see if I can read the “conserve water” poster backwards.

Outside, Conor has discovered a fountain and is already peeling off his clothes.

“Mom, put on our costumes.”

I comply, thinking the water feature should keep them busy for at least half an hour.

But alas, not even 10 minutes pass before a shivering Erin asks to get dressed again.

“Are you sure?”

I’m assured that they both really want to explore instead of swim.

Craig and I settle back against the cushions. I open the crackers, but it’s as if I’ve unwittingly transmitted a radar signal audible only to children and small dogs. Erin and Conor magically reappear from their sojourn on the swings and yes, they need to swim again.

Erin, Anél and Conor

On go the costumes, setting the pace for a day punctuated by umpteen toilet breaks and costume changes.

But, despite the fact that I spent an inordinate amount of time waiting outside bathroom doors – because “Mom, you mustn’t see me”, I realised that these snatched moments alone with my children were in fact precious opportunities to bond with them. Without the distractions of technology and television, they used our loo breaks to talk about the previous night’s dream, the fire truck they had spotted in a toy store and the books they wanted to take out from the library.

During the many, many costume changes, I got to hear about Conor’s progress with his underwater swimming and Erin’s fear of diving boards.

Those mundane moments, while irritating at the time, will be cherished one day when they start visiting new places without us. And who knows, maybe one day when my days of lazy outings are long over, and I’m dependent on my children to take me out, they will have to wait for me on bathroom breaks.

Anél Lewis has now laid down the law and explained that each child will get only two bathroom breaks and one outfit change with mom per outing. She’s also taken to carrying a book of Sudoku with her – just in case she’s stuck in a bathroom without any reading material.

family marketplace

magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPH: Susie Leblond Photography

a

under six years old on the scene, she’s forgotten what that entails.

book extract

cooking is for

everyone The new cookbook, Simply Delicious, chronicles ZOLA NENE’S food journey thus far – how it started and what shaped her into the chef she is today. Here are some easy, yet festive, recipes to try at home.

It’s basically the fresh version of samp. mealie and sugar-bean soup Green (or white) mealies are a hot commodity in the Nene household, probably because we mostly only ever get to eat them when we go to Durban; they aren’t as readily available in George, it seems. Green mealies are completely different to the yellow sweet corn with which we are familiar – the kernels of green mealies are much bigger, the flesh is denser and the flavour is more savoury and not quite as sweet. We eat them straight off the cob either cooked on an open fire until charred and crispy, or boiled in salted water until tender and juicy. Sometimes, when there are mealies left over (which is not very often), my mom makes izinkobe, a fresh mealie and dried sugar-bean stew. It’s basically the fresh version of samp. This recipe is inspired by that dish – I’ve just added a touch more liquid and some spice, and turned it into a soup. serves 4 ingredients ✻✻ 500ml dried sugar beans, soaked in cold water overnight ✻✻ 1 onion, finely chopped ✻✻ 30ml chopped fresh thyme ✻✻ 15ml chopped fresh rosemary ✻✻ 10ml dried chilli flakes

✻✻ 1,5 litres cold water ✻✻ 500ml fresh green mealie kernels ✻✻ salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste ✻✻ 60ml chopped fresh parsley

method Wash and drain the soaked sugar beans, then add to a large saucepan along with the onion, thyme, rosemary and chilli flakes.

Cover with a litre of the cold water and bring to the boil.

Once boiling, turn down the heat and simmer for 1 hour, topping up with extra water if necessary. Don’t let the beans boil dry.

After an hour, add the mealie kernels and the remaining 500 ml water and cook for another 45 minutes.

Season to taste and serve in large bowls with fresh parsley sprinkled on top.

peanut butter millionaires’ shortbread This recipe is a combination of two delicious sweet treats: peanut butter fudge and millionaires’ shortbread. I learnt how to make both fudge and shortbread during my homeeconomics classes, so I figured why not put the two together to form a new and tasty cookie combination. This is for those days when your sweet-tooth cravings get the better of you. makes 12 squares ingredients for the shortbread ✻✻ 120g butter ✻✻ 60g castor sugar

PHOTOGRAPHS: © Penguin Random House South Africa (Pty) Ltd / Dawie Verwey

for the topping ✻✻ 60g butter ✻✻ 250g muscovado sugar ✻✻ 60ml milk

✻✻ 170g cake flour, sifted

✻✻ 125g smooth peanut butter ✻✻ 150g icing sugar, sifted ✻✻ 100g dark chocolate, chopped

method Preheat the oven to 180°C and grease and line a 20cm square baking tin.

To make the shortbread, cream the butter and sugar until pale.

Stir in the flour to form a soft dough.

Press the dough into the prepared baking tin and bake for 25 minutes, or until golden and crisp.

To make the topping, melt the butter in a saucepan over medium heat.

Add the sugar and milk and stir until the sugar has melted, then bring to the boil for 2–3 minutes, without stirring.

Remove from the heat and stir in the peanut butter.

Using a wooden spoon, beat in the icing sugar until the mixture is smooth.

Pour the peanut-butter mixture onto the cooked shortbread in the tin, smooth the top with a spatula and leave to cool slightly.

Melt the chocolate in a double-boiler or in a glass bowl placed over a saucepan of simmering water.

Spread the melted chocolate, reserving about two tablespoons, over the peanutbutter layer and refrigerate until set.

Cut into desired shapes with a sharp knife, then drizzle over the reserved melted chocolate. Store in an airtight container in the refrigerator.

About the book Zola Nene’s food philosophy is very simple – cooking is for everyone. With easy-to-follow instructions, the recipes will ensure that anyone can produce mouth-watering results. And Simply Delicious is all about Zola’s journey as a chef; it’s her culinary career told through her recipes, interspersed with snippets and perspectives of her life journey, including tributes to the people who have inspired and influenced her cooking style. It’s available from good book stores nationwide (R250).