Child Magazine | Durban October 2012

D U R B A N ’ S

b e s t

g u i d e

not to be sneezed at good news for allergy sufferers

the 3D www.childmag.co.za

October 2012

free

issue

diagnosis, difference and diversity

health

education

f o r

p a r e n t s

reading

gets cool why book clubs are the in thing

mainstream

schooling for children dealing with difference

entertainment

It’s important that every year our 3D issue is dedicated to all the children in South Africa who find themselves outside of the physical, emotional and educational mainstream.

We honour them, their parents, teachers and caregivers, because we know what incredible perseverance and unfailing optimism goes into “dealing with difference”. Ten years ago, when we planned our first issue of Child magazine and conceptualised themes for subsequent issues, we coined this phrase as we wanted to adopt a more positive approach to what can often be an overwhelming topic. From left-handedness to low muscle tone; all the way through to ADHD, Asperger’s and autism, and bullying, there are not many children who don’t, at some stage, battle with something that sets them apart from others.

Difference is often seen in a negative light and yet it can be something to celebrate.

Look at Natalie du Toit, who has overcome her physical “difference” to bring home gold from the Paralympic Games in London. But your child needn’t be a gold medallist or an Olympian to be applauded.

In this issue, we remind ourselves to take the time to celebrate their everyday triumphs – that puzzle they’ve completed or the book they’ve read. Only then can we truly say we have helped them to rise above the negative labels that might otherwise hold them back.

PS

Please remember to buy your bandana at Pick n Pay in support of The Sunflower Fund, and wear it proudly on Bandana Day on 12 October.

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Hunter House P U B L I S H I N G

Publisher Lisa Mc Namara • lisa@childmag.co.za

Editorial Managing Editor Marina Zietsman • marina@childmag.co.za Features Editor Anél Lewis • features@childmag.co.za Resource Editor Tamlyn Vincent • durban@childmag.co.za

monthly circulation Joburg’s Child magazineTM Cape Town’s Child magazineTM Durban’s Child magazineTM Pretoria’s Child magazineTM

52 45 40 40

355 321 205 261

to advertise Tel: 031 209 2200 • Fax: 031 207 3429 Email: dbnsales@childmag.co.za Website: childmag.co.za

Editorial Assistant Lucille Kemp • capetown@childmag.co.za Copy Editor Debbie Hathway

Art Designers Nikki-leigh Piper • nikki@childmag.co.za Alys Suter • studio2@childmag.co.za Mariette Barkhuizen • studio@childmag.co.za Mark Vincer • studio3@childmag.co.za

PUBLISHER’S PHOTOGRAPH: Brooke Fasani

Advertising Lisa Mc Namara • lisa@childmag.co.za

Client Relations Lisa Waterloo • waterloo@childmag.co.za

Subscriptions and Circulation Helen Xavier • subs@childmag.co.za

Accounts Nicolene Baldy • admin@childmag.co.za Tel: 021 465 6093 • Fax: 021 462 2680

magazine durban

All our magazines are printed on recycled paper.

Free requested Apr 12 – Jun 12

Durban’s Child magazine TM is published monthly by Hunter House Publishing, PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010. Office address: 1st Floor, MB House, 641 Peter Mokaba Road, Overport, 4091. Tel: 031 209 2200, fax: 031 207 3429, email: info@childmag.co.za. Annual subscriptions (for 11 issues) cost R165, including VAT and postage inside SA. Printed by Paarl Web. Copyright subsists in all work published in Durban’s Child magazine TM .

We welcome submissions but retain the unrestricted right to change any received copy. We are under no obligation to return unsolicited copy. The magazine, or part thereof, may not be reproduced or adapted without the prior written permission of the publisher. We take care to ensure our articles, and other editorial content, are accurate and balanced, but cannot accept responsibility for loss, damage or inconvenience that may arise from reading them.

October 2012

3

contents

october 2012

upfront 3

a note from lisa

6 over to you readers respond

12

features 12 bedtime battles

f ind out how much sleep your child needs, and when to worry about their night-time habits. By Daniella Renzon

16 a world of difference

Jacqui Tooke opens up about her decision to send her special-needs son to a mainstream school

18 all aboard

t here’s plenty to keep children entertained on this four-night cruise up the West Coast, says Sue Segar

health 9

love your heart

improve your lifestyle without missing a beat, says Tamlyn Vincent

regulars 7 wins

20 alleviating allergies

8 upfront with paul

help is at hand for those suffering from annoying or debilitating reactions. By Marc de Chazal

c hildren need motivation to get off the couch and be active, says Paul Kerton

22 success as a single parent

10 dealing with difference

Donna Cobban says going solo, whether by choice or by circumstance, needn’t be something parents fear

25 budding bookworms book clubs are not just for grown-ups; children can benefit too. By Sue Segar

Glynis Horning looks at the worrying implications of childhood obesity

24 best for baby – when to wean

could you reduce your baby’s allergy risk by feeding solids sooner?

Anél Lewis finds out

27 resource – to read is to fly

a dvice and book recommendations to get your children reading

28 a good read

new books for the whole family

29 what’s on in october 34 finishing touch

20

nél Lewis realises that two babies A means twice as much preparation and effort is needed just to leave the house

classified ads 30 family marketplace 33 let’s party

this month’s cover images are supplied by: Joburg

shutterstock.com

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October 2012

Cape Town

Pretoria

Durban

Stephanie Veldman Chantal and Jan van Blerk stephanieveldman.com cjphotogroup.webs.com

shutterstock.com

magazine durban

magazine durban

October 2012

5

letters

over to you

Let us know what’s on your mind. Send your letters or comments to marina@childmag.co.za or PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010.

keep our children safe

thanks, Child magazine

What does the Child Protection Act, and other legislation, say about the posting of photographs of children on websites, Facebook and the use of images in magazines and other media?

Dee

I am sure the information in your magazine has brought huge pleasure to many a parent and has helped answer many questions. I hope my friends took my advice and visited your website too.

Patricia

Childmag says The publication of information relating to children is governed primarily

we need allergy-free crèches

by the Criminal Procedure Act and the Child Care Act in specific circumstances, but there are various rights, such as those enshrined in the Constitution, that protect the privacy of children. The Centre for Child Law says whenever the identity of a child is disclosed, whether pictorially or in print, the statutory restrictions on the naming or identification of children shall be observed and adhered to, and the informed consent of the child and parent or guardian should be sought in all cases where the child’s identity is disclosed. Even if the parent or guardian consents, the publication shall exercise a cautious discretion, if it may be harmful to the child to publish their identity. The rule of thumb seems to be that the best interests of the child are to be protected above any other consideration. However, there is no absolute prohibition on publications using images of children.

I heard that allergies are on the increase by as much as 20 percent since we’ve become so “clean”. Every product is antibacterial and, as our children’s immune systems have nothing to fight, their bodies are starting to see normal foods as a threat. With this rise in food allergies, I am surprised at how unaccommodating crèches are to children with food allergies.

My son has a fatal allergy to all nuts. We keep an injection on him at all times and his school knows how to use it, and that he has 20 minutes to get to a hospital. Other crèches were less accommodating. When are crèches in South Africa going to look at the seriousness of these allergies and provide allergy-free environments, as is done in first world countries? Surely no-one wants to have the death of a child on their conscience?

Tanya Page, Ballito

Follow us on twitter.com/ChildMag and facebook.com/childmag.co.za

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October 2012

We reserve the right to edit and shorten submitted letters. The opinions reflected here are those of our readers and are not necessarily held by Hunter House Publishing.

Post a comment online at childmag.co.za

magazine durban

wins

giveaways in october effective care

child’s play Think Toys has a specially selected range of high-quality educational products that help children develop. Their ranges cover the early years, fantasy play, reading and more. They also supply products to schools. Contact: 011 615 6594, jenny@ thinktoys.co.za or visit thinktoys.co.za One reader stands a chance to win a Think Toys hamper, including Dantoy bucket, wheelbarrow and cutlery sets; SES clay sets; Plan car and street toys; Quercetti magnetic board and a Trundle wheel, all valued at R2 000. Simply enter via childmag.co.za/wins-dbn and use the code “Think Toys DBN”. Your details will be made available to Think Toys.

Calpol is a paediatric paracetamol medicine that offers gentle pain relief. It is effective in treating teething pains, toothache, sore throats and headaches and is safe for children from three months to six years old.

Available at pharmacies and retail stores.

For more info: visit gsk.com Two readers stand a chance to each win a hamper from Calpol, comprising a bath towel, electronic thermometer, baby-gro, R200 Baby City voucher and nappy bag, all valued at R900. Simply enter via childmag.co.za/wins-dbn and use the code “Calpol DBN”. Your details will be made available to Calpol.

Eastern Cape Big Five getaway Shamwari Game Reserve, near Port Elizabeth, is a malaria-free reserve and home to the Big Five. There are six unique lodges, and an Animal Rehabilitation and Born Free Centre. A Kids on Safari programme is also available. Contact: 041 509 3000, reservations@shamwarigroup.com or visit shamwari.com One reader stands a chance to win a two-night stay for two people sharing at Shamwari Game Reserve, valued at R18 000. The prize is valid from 1 May 2013 to 30 September 2013, excluding long weekends, and public and school holidays. Bookings are subject to availability. The prize includes five-star accommodation, game drives and meals, and excludes transport to and from the lodge and alcoholic beverages. Simply enter via childmag. co.za/wins-dbn and use the code “Shamwari DBN”. Your details will be made available to The Shamwari Group.

to enter simply visit childmag.co.za

or post your entry to PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010. Entries close 31 October 2012. Only one entry per reader. For full terms and conditions of giveaways please see “Competition Rules” on our website childmag.co.za

congratulations to our August winners David Staniforth, Janine Schefermann, Desiree Chard and Satheshini Nair who each win a Bargain Books voucher; Nadine Andreas, Louise Pretorius, Melani Mothilall and Tania Le Grange who each win a My School Years album from Edugrafix.

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October 2012

7

upfront with paul

a sporting chance Children will only sign up for physical activity if we make the exercises more fun, says PAUL KERTON.

i

’m biased, but having been a sporty child and a physical education teacher before switching to journalism, I am a big advocate of sport in school and I believe that physical activity really is good for children.

The recent success of the Olympics, followed by the equally inspiring Paralympics, has prompted the global opinion that the amount of statutory physical education in schools should be increased. Benefits include good health, trimmer figures, lower cholesterol and a mental feel-good factor.

There is also the faint hope that the team building and ethical values instilled by sport will help mend broken societies and find a lost generation of disillusioned youth.

Saving the world is a big ask, but the benefit of sport as a timely antidote to

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October 2012

the very passive and sedentary lifestyle of our screen-obsessed, couch-and-mousepotato generation, is more clearly defined.

It may well help stop the decline into obesity, poor muscle strength, general lethargy and ill-health.

The World Health Organisation recommends one hour of physical activity every day for children and some countries would have that increased to two hours of structured PE every day. I feel that’s excessive, as active children generally put in plenty of exercise time during breaks and after school, and I’ve seen my two daughters flop down exhausted after a hard day at the “office”.

While in SA it is very unusual for our children to actually walk anywhere as they are shepherded from home to school and

friends by safety-conscious parents (and understandably so); on the flip side, and thanks largely to a favourable climate, we are a nation of passionate runners, footballers, cyclists, swimmers, cricketers, and rugby and hockey players, who often excel at international level.

We can’t escape the fact that some children simply hate PE, and it is futile to force them into it. I can hear the collective groan from many children at the thought of more PE, while they work on preparing some well-worn excuses, such as “it just isn’t cool”, “I get all hot and sweaty” and “I’m not good at anything”. Admittedly, just as some children are useless at maths, some are not cut out for sport. Apart from a total lack of interest they may be the wrong body shape, they may have bad timing,

terrible eye-to-hand coordination, no ball sense, or they simply cannot fit into a team.

PE teachers have had bad press thanks to a handful of ex sergeant-major types who take the boot camp analogy too far and physically bully the children into exercises they will never manage.

But most teachers nowadays are skilled at providing fun recreational pursuits in keeping with a child’s physical ability.

One US study claims that 70 percent of children who were interested in sport, tend to lose interest by the age of 13. Why? The overriding reason is that it is “no longer fun”. Instead of extending the periods of statutory sport at school, the challenge is to make the time they do spend being active, more fun.

Follow Paul on Twitter: @fabdad1

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PHOTOGRAPH: MARIETTE BARKHUIZEN

Saskia, Paul and Sabina

health

love your heart It’s never too late or too early to change your lifestyle and lower the risk of heart disease. By TAMLYN VINCENT

PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

t

he average person’s heart beats 70 times a minute, about 4 200 times in an hour and 100 800 times in a day. A heart that isn’t as healthy can beat 80 times a minute. That’s about 14 000 more beats a day. So it’s not surprising that an unhealthy lifestyle puts extra strain on your heart and increases your chance of developing heart disease.

There are risk factors for cardiovascular disease that can’t be changed, including family history, age, gender and ethnicity, says the Heart and Stroke Foundation South Africa (HSFSA). But some risk factors can be managed, such as high blood pressure and cholesterol, lack of exercise, smoking and stress. “Cardiovascular disease (CVD) is a chronic disease of lifestyle,” says the HSFSA, and an increasingly westernised lifestyle means that we are eating more junk food and exercising less. “Forty-five percent of men and 70 percent of women in South Africa are overweight or obese,” adds the HSFSA. Losing weight, following a balanced diet and exercising are good ways to decrease the risk of CVD.

eat right Kerri Brinkman, a Joburg-based dietician, suggests keeping an eye on how much fat you eat. Saturated

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fats, such as those in meat or full-cream dairy, and trans fats can push up cholesterol levels. Unsaturated fats, including olive oil, vegetable oils, nuts and avocado lower total blood cholesterol, but moderation is still advised.

Omega-3 fats, usually found in oily fish, help to protect your heart, so aim to have at least one portion a week.

A heart-healthy diet should include at least five portions of fruit and vegetables every day. You should also choose low-GI, high-fibre starches, fat-free or lowfat dairy products and lean meats or meat alternatives.

Some of the items that should be avoided are fried foods, butter and refined, sugary drinks and foods. Try using salt in moderation or use salt substitutes. If you drink alcohol, stick to one glass a day for women and two for men.

work out Exercise improves circulation, lowers high blood pressure and cholesterol, and reduces stress. The HSFSA recommends at least 30 minutes of moderate exercise at least five days a week. Brinkman says, “The best exercise for your heart is aerobic activity.” So try swimming, brisk walking, running, cycling, dancing or even gardening. You can also divide the 30 minutes into more manageable slots, so take the stairs instead of escalators.

“For exercise to be effective it needs to raise your heart beat,” says Brinkman. But avoid straining your heart; warm up for each session and cool down afterwards.

And don’t over exercise as this could also damage your heart. If you are at risk of heart disease, the HSFSA recommends that you speak to your doctor before starting an exercise programme.

healthy changes It may seem challenging to change your lifestyle, but a few small tweaks, one at a time, could help decrease your risk.

• Know your numbers, including your blood pressure, cholesterol, Body Mass Index (BMI) and waist circumference.

• Control your portion size and eat slowly. Avoid snacking out of boredom or eating on the run.

• Create daily menus and use a shopping list.

• Have the occasional treat, but don’t give up on your eating plan. As Brinkman says, “What’s important is that you eat healthy foods most of the time.”

October 2012

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dealing with difference

tip the scales in their favour serious future health problems for them, including infertility, says GLYNIS HORNING.

hildren are being diagnosed with weight-related chronic ailments that used to strike much later in life – high cholesterol, high blood pressure, fatty liver, gall bladder disease, bone and joint problems from carrying extra kilos, asthma and other breathing issues from impaired lung development, and obstructive sleep apnoea. “We’re even seeing a growing number of children with type 2 diabetes, which has traditionally affected people over the age of 50,” says Candice Smith, a dietician at Discovery Vitality in Joburg. “Our children could be the first generation with a shorter lifespan than their parents, because of obesity and the chronic diseases linked to it.”

The long-term repercussions are alarming. Without our intervention, 70 percent of obese children will grow into obese adults, at risk of developing coronary heart disease, stroke, osteoarthritis and fat-linked cancers. Even their fertility may be threatened. ScienceDaily has reported that the “dramatic increase in childhood obesity” disrupts the timing of puberty, and could “ultimately lead to a diminished ability to reproduce”. Recent studies show that obese boys start puberty later, while obese girls start earlier, possibly

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October 2012

because fat tissue converts male hormones into the female hormone oestrogen.

According to the journal Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine, obese boys are twice as likely not to start puberty by the age of 12, and research published this year by UKMedix News links male obesity to lower testosterone levels, lower fertility, and poorer sperm quality.

Early puberty in girls has been linked to reproductive problems, reproductive cancers and insulin resistance, or metabolic syndrome. It’s also been associated with increased risk of depression and delinquent behaviour, including smoking and early sexual experiences.

Being overweight can in itself cause anxiety and depression in both sexes, and has been linked to bullying, low self-esteem, poor social skills, and acting out or social withdrawal, says Smith. In American and British research, obese children rated their quality of life as low as children with cancer, because of teasing and health problems.

“School bullying is a growing problem,” says Rose*, a concerned Joburg mother of children age 13 and nine, who has joined Overeaters Anonymous for herself and now helps counsel children. “Compulsive eating is starting young, and

parents can only lead by example. It’s tough. We adapt the OA’s 12 steps, helping children cope one day at a time.”

weighing it up Could your child be at risk? It’s not as easy to estimate whether a child is overweight as with adults, as they carry different amounts of body fat at different stages of development, and it’s not always possible to pick up a problem just by looking at them.

If you suspect your child is overweight, it’s vital to see a doctor or dietician for a professional assessment.

This will establish their body mass index (BMI), relative to other children of the same age and gender. To calculate this yourself, visit iqlifestyle.co.za/calculators/bmi_child, and factor in your child’s personal history of growth and development, and your family’s weight-for-height history, to establish if your child’s weight is in an unhealthy range.

The chances are sadly high. Research from the 2010 Healthy Active Kids (HAK) SA report card shows that from 2002 to 2008, the number of obese teenagers rose from four percent to five percent, and the number of overweight teenagers, from 17 to 20 percent – one in five.

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PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

c

If your children are among the one in five estimated to be overweight, you could be feeding

cause and effect

fresher options, says Bowley, and the preparation time

Should your child be overweight, work with the doctor or

they save make them tempting when both parents must

dietician to determine the cause so you can develop a safe

work and travel long distances.

plan to manage it.

Psychological factors Like many adults, children can

Your diet in pregnancy If you didn’t get enough of the

use food for emotional comfort when stressed or bored,

right nutrients before conception and during pregnancy,

especially if they are raised to see food as a reward

it can cause weight problems in your baby, says Nadia

for good behaviour, says Graham Alexander, clinical

Bowley, national dietetic coordinator for Netcare in Cape

psychologist and director of the Eating Disorders Unit at

Town, who has worked in paediatrics. “Your baby’s body

Cape Town’s Crescent Clinic.

will have been primed to make the most of limited nutrition by holding on to calories,” she explains. “If they are then born into an environment providing lots of food but little exercise, they will tend to be overweight.”

Your weight “What you and your partner weigh has the greatest influence on your baby’s weight,” says Bowley. If either of you is overweight, your baby has a 40 percent risk of being overweight too, and if both of you are overweight, your baby’s risk goes up to 80 percent. This is partly genetic, but mostly environmental, through eating habits you pass on.

Our children could be the first generation with a shorter lifespan than their parents, because of obesity and the chronic diseases linked to it.

Genetics The number of abnormalities that result in chronic obesity is “absolutely miniscule”, says Smith. “And

products; and omega-3 oils, including oily fish such as salmon, mackerel and herring, or ground flaxseeds. Avoid refined carbohydrates, saturated fats and sugars, especially in sweetened beverages, including fruit juice, says Smith.

“Even when juices have no added sugar, or glucose, they are high in fruit sugar, or fructose. Rather give fruit to eat so they feel full and give only water to drink.”

Don’t reward or comfort with food Hold and distract babies, and give older children attention and praise, read a story or play together. “Some working parents assuage their guilt at being away from the children by overindulging them with food to satisfy their nurturing instincts,” says Alexander. “If you’re a depressed mom, or have an eating disorder or dysfunctional marriage, be careful not to use feeding as a way to counter your pain.”

Don’t insist on clean plates Offer a healthy variety of foods and let children choose how much they eat. Toddlers often eat only one significant meal, nibbling at other meals.

Encourage physical activity The 2010 HAK SA report card shows less than 70 percent of high school pupils have regularly scheduled physical education, and in disadvantaged primary schools this is even less. Limit screen time to two hours a day and then send children out to play, says Bowley.

“Best of all, walk, kick a ball or romp with them.”

Grow your own food “Involving the children will give them fun exercise outdoors and encourage an interest in eating the vegetables they’ve helped grow,” says Smith.

Never nag about food or being fat Stress is part of the problem, and if you obsess about food, children may eat more or develop eating disorders. “Just focus on being a healthy family, and involve them in this,” concludes Smith. *Name has been changed.

you can be genetically predisposed to be insulin resistant,

lifestyle solutions

for example, which affects metabolism and obesity, but it

“Never put a child on a diet,” says Mthuli. “Most diets lack

is lifestyle-controlled.”

certain nutrients important for growing bodies.” To prevent

Family history Likewise, coming from a line of overweight

or manage a weight problem, keep them at the same

people can predispose your child to being overweight, but

weight until they grow into it in terms of height. “Guide

this is mostly because of culture- or family-shaped eating

them gently and encourage them.”

and exercise patterns.

Start smartly Make an effort to breast-feed, and introduce

Your child’s diet “Obesity is more than 90 percent to do

solids only after six months, starting with rice or maize

with diet and physical activity,” says Smith. If your child

cereal, mashed veggies and fruit, Mthuli says. Don’t add

consumes foods high in fats and sugars, they will pick

salt or other flavourants or you encourage a taste for them,

up weight. “Problems can start as early as the first year,

and always stop when they show they are full. “They will

if you wean them on to solids before six months or over-

stop sucking, relax their mouth and turn away. If you keep

feed them,” says Durban dietician Dudu Mthuli. Although

feeding, they can become adults who overeat because they

there is new research suggesting that the introduction of

no longer know when they’ve had enough.”

common lunchbox traps

complementary foods can occur before six months, as an

Eat healthily as a family Serve nutritious, balanced meals

Cereal bars, sweetened yoghurts and fruit juices are

early sensitisation against food allergies, Mthuli says the

with wholesome carbohydrates, such as vegetables, fruits,

all high in calories, warns dietician Candice Smith.

“blanket message” for public health is to only introduce

whole-grain breads and pastas; protein, such as grilled

“But packing celery sticks and hummus won’t help if

them at six months. She adds that you risk over-feeding

lean meat, skinless chicken, legumes and low-fat dairy

your child doesn’t eat them.” Offer realistic healthy

if you add cereal to formula feeds before six months, you misread their cries as hunger when what they want is attention, or you continue feeding when they are full because you don’t recognize their satiety signals.

options, such as:

useful contacts • The Association for Dietetics in SA

Your child’s activities Weight is the difference between

Contact: 011 061 5000 or visit adsa.org.za

energy taken in through food and drinks, and energy burnt

• Overeaters Anonymous Contact: 011 640

through activity, and most overweight children don’t move enough, says Smith. “Today’s children sit in classes and then sit at home doing homework, playing on computers or watching TV.” Socio-economic factors Energy-dense, nutritionally-poor,

2901 or visit oa.org • Crescent Clinic Eating Disorders Unit Contact: 021 762 7666 • Diabetes SA Contact: 086 111 3913 or visit diabetessa.co.za

• fresh fruit • seed loaf sandwiches or crackers • ostrich biltong • gammon or chicken • pilchard fishcakes • low-fat cheese wedges • unsweetened fat-free yoghurt – as is, or add a little brown sugar and chopped fresh fruit • a small flavoured milk

processed and fast foods can cost less than healthier,

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October 2012

11

spotlight

bedtime battles Is your child sleeping enough, or too much? DANIELLA RENZON

t

here’s nothing quite like the joy, or the exhaustion, that comes with parenting. It starts as soon as you bring your baby home. All you want to do is sleep, but your newborn is awake every few hours for a feed or just to be held. Should we resign ourselves to years of sleeplessness, until the time when our young teenager struggles to drag himself out of bed in the morning?

“Absolutely not,” says Ann Richardson, author of Toddler Sense and co-author of Baby Sense and Sleep Sense (Metz Press). Teaching your child good sleep habits is the best gift you can give them and yourself, but keep your expectations in pace with each phase of your child’s development.

Cape Town-based sleep consultant, Erica Lotter, adds that your child’s health, nutrition, routine and social, emotional and physical development, are relevant too.

sleep 101 Children have different needs, so the average amount of sleep recommended for each age and stage serves as a rough guideline.

newborns Expect: They should sleep 16 to 20 hours a day. Their nutritional needs mean that they will wake up every couple of hours. By six to eight weeks, they will drop one feed and get a good “core” sleep – their first real stretch of sleep. Richardson advises limiting “awake” times to around 45 minutes between naps to avoid sensory overload. Put them down to sleep while they are still happily awake.

If they have a clean bill of health, there is no such thing as too much sleep.

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October 2012

Sleep Disorders: Their neurological systems are too immature to filter out sensory input, so they will become fussy and will struggle to fall asleep if they are overstimulated. An immature digestive system may be prone to problems, such as lactose intolerance and reflux, which can affect sleep.

Tips: • Signs of over-tiredness include fussiness, bouts of crying, loss of eye contact, turning the head away from you, flailing limbs, clawing the face, back arching, making fists, sneezing,

settles and your child will self-soothe with fingers or hands in the mouth. Sensory input is filtered better and the amount of time spent awake will lengthen.

Sleep disorders: Babies may need help falling or staying asleep.

Tips: • Hogg says babies thrive on predictability and routine.

• Avoid overstimulation. When your baby starts yawning, take him to bed. His eyes may remain open, but he’ll stare at nothing for several minutes until he nods off.

Teaching your child good sleep habits is the best gift you can give them and yourself. yawning, hiccupping, blueness around the mouth, clumsiness and eye-rubbing.

• Rock and cradle them if they need it – they can’t self-soothe yet.

• Non-nutritive sucking, on fingers or dummies, may help them sleep.

• Swaddle them up until they are a year old, with their hands to the mouth or towards the midline. This counteracts the startle reflex and maintains their temperature when you transfer them from your arms to the cot.

• Your baby should be able to fall asleep unassisted, but should not be left to cry. Part of sleep training involves checking that your baby has no health problems. Watch awake times to avoid overtiredness. Swaddle and introduce solids from four months if your baby appears hungry when awake during the night.

• Richardson says don’t wake your baby for a late evening feed, in the hope that they’ll sleep longer thereafter. This is their core sleep.

milestones during this period. Their brains need sleep to help them develop and thrive.

Sleep disorders: If your child still needs your help to fall or stay asleep, you need to start sleep training. A lack of sleep can cause irritability, crying, poor eating and may affect the growth hormone, which is secreted during sleep.

Tips: • Make sure your child’s nutritional needs are met during the day.

• Low iron levels will affect your child’s sleep, eating habits and may compromise their immunity. Check with your paediatrician about a supplement.

• Dr Richard Ferber, director of the Center for Pediatric Sleep Disorders in Boston, advocates the controversial “cry it out method”, which has become known as “Ferberising”. He says children should be able to self-soothe and fall asleep independently. His mode of sleep training involves putting your child to bed, while still awake, and leaving them for gradually longer periods if they cry, until they are able to sleep independently. But Lotter says, “Sleep training doesn’t have to be a lengthy and emotionally difficult process. Expect your baby to be resistant to changing what he’s used to. Remain consistent, reassuring, determined and loving, but don’t leave him feeling abandoned.”

three to six months Expect: Tracy Hogg, author of Secrets of the Baby Whisperer (Vermillion), recommends 15 to 18 hours of sleep, with two to three naps, from now until 18 months. Your child may sleep through, for about eight hours, or wake for only one feed. The startle reflex

six to 24 months Expect: There should be no more night feeds; your baby can go 10 to 12 hours without food. Hogg says two naps, or one long one, is sufficient. Lotter adds that children go through huge developmental

toddlers from two to four years old Expect: Your toddler should go to bed early and sleep for 10 to 12 hours. They’re early risers, so you will be too. They’ll enjoy one or two day naps, and older magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPH: shutterstock.com

looks at what’s normal, and what’s not, for different ages.

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spotlight

toddlers will need some quiet time during the day once they’ve dropped their naps.

Sleep disorder: Your toddler needs you or a bottle to fall asleep. Night bottles compromise your child’s daily calorie intake and will rot their teeth. Toddlers and older children can suffer from restless leg syndrome, growing pains, nightmares, sleepwalking and night terrors. Too little sleep interferes with their learning and affects their moods. It can cause a failure to thrive and altered immunity.

Tips: • If your child is climbing out of the cot, he may have to move to a big bed.

• Richardson says magnesium syrup can help with growing pains and cramps, while an iron supplement helps with eating, sleeping and immunity. She also recommends deworming twice a year.

• The American Association of Pediatrics advises no TV before the age of two. TV and electronics an hour before bed is too stimulating and can cause nightmares.

• Routine is fundamental for good sleeping habits.

• Your child should be eating all the food groups and only drinking water at night.

• A “sleep friend”, such as a blankey or a soft toy, may prove comforting.

from preschool to pre-teenager Expect: Dr Alison Bentley, a sleep clinician based at Wits University, stresses

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the importance of a bedtime routine.

Preschoolers need 10 hours of sleep, primary school children need about nine hours, and pre-teenagers should average between eight and ten hours a night.

Sleep disorders: Day sleeping is actually a sign that something is up, so monitor their sleep habits. Your child should not be wetting the bed from the age of five or six, so seek professional help if this occurs.

Dr Bentley advises consulting a medical professional if you suspect your child has any other sleep disorders (see box).

Tips: • Don’t over-schedule extramurals as it can stress and overstimulate them, making it difficult for them to fall asleep.

• From the foundation phase, more quiet time before bed is appropriate – reading and listening to story tapes helps them self-soothe.

• Avoid colourants, flavourants and preservatives. Opt for a low-GI diet, packed with fresh foods and omega oils.

• Later to bed doesn’t mean later rising. It just increases the cycle of overtiredness, which affects their moods, concentration at school, appetite and health.

• Limit electronics, especially an hour before bedtime and never allow them to be used in their bedroom.

• Provide a bedside light.

• Physical exercise helps with their moods, stress, appetite and sleep.

sleep disorders to watch out for Bentley says most childhood sleep disorders are behavioural, meaning they’re learnt and can be unlearnt, unless they’re parasomnias such as sleep terrors, somnambulism, enuresis, apnoea and narcolepsy. Intervention from the parent with a therapist or physician will help.

ADHD More than 40 percent of people with ADHD have significant sleep disturbances, and conversely, poor sleep can cause children to have ADHD-like symptoms, such as poor attention, irritability, distractibility and impulsiveness.

Apnoea and snoring Get treatment as this can affect your child’s breathing, which impacts on their growth and learning. Often the tonsils and adenoids are removed.

Bedwetting/enuresis This can be treated with behavioural methods, the teaching of continence skills and sometimes even medication, but first rule out emotional stress as a possible cause.

Delayed sleep onset If their circadian or biological rhythm is out; they will want to go to sleep later in the evening and wake up later in the morning. Professional intervention is needed.

Growing pains Joburg-based paediatric rheumatologist, Dr Gail Faller, says this happens only at night and occurs in the legs. A calcium and magnesium supplement taken after an active day can help.

Insomnia If your child has difficulty falling asleep or can’t go back to sleep, they need a professional assessment. Possible causes include stress, depression and ADHD. Night or sleep terrors Your child appears awake, screams, thrashes and is inconsolable, but remembers nothing the next morning. Although it’s unsettling, children usually outgrow it.

Nightmares Try a night light and avoid frightening TV programmes, computer games or stories. Gently console them and they’ll resettle.

Restless leg syndrome A neurological disorder where the sufferer struggles with uncomfortable pins and needles, or pain, in their legs at night. It may present as insomnia.

Sleepwalking or somnambulism It is not advised to wake a sleepwalker.

Rather make their environment safe and guide them back to bed. Children usually outgrow this condition.

magazine durban

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October 2012

15

education

a world of difference Mainstream schooling a child who’s dealing with difference can be rewarding for all those involved.

JACQUI TOOKE shares her experience.

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children and improve the efficiency and cost-effectiveness of the entire education system.” The concept of reducing barriers to learning and participation for all learners, not only those classified as having special needs, forms the basis of SA’s education policy. The South African Schools Act (1996) requires schools to accept children with special needs, where practical.

the benefits It has been rewarding for us to see how much Matt has learnt from his typically developing peers, who set an example of all the social and life skills we hope to teach him. Julia Travis, a speech therapist, adds that “strong language role models raise expectations of the child with language difficulties”. There are a few girls in Matt’s class who are excited by his blossoming speech. Every day he’s peppered with requests to say words and when he does he is rewarded with giggles and claps.

It’s like having five tiny speech therapists working full time on his language.

Willie Erasmus, a clinical psychologist, says that inclusion means that “children with differences get the opportunity to build friendships with typically developing children.” Watching Matt form friendships where he is valued for who he is, literally makes me cry. One of my fears is that Matt will grow up to be lonely and isolated. In this inclusive setting, he is learning how magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPH: shutterSTOCK.COM

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eciding to pursue inclusive education for my son feels like playing rugby while blindfolded. There is so much I can’t see, and so there’s a chance of someone getting hurt. Also, the success of my decision depends not only on me, but on a whole team of “players”. My son, Matt, is in many ways much like any five year old: he loves aeroplanes, kicking balls, jumping on trampolines, and watching Lightning McQueen. What makes him different is that he has a rare genetic condition, called Rubinstein-Taybi syndrome, which causes developmental delays and speech difficulties.

Being included in a mainstream setting means that he attends a regular school where the principal and his teacher recognise that he needs support to take part in the classroom and to learn. Theresa Rushby, Matt’s principal at Barkley House Molteno Road Pre-Primary School in Cape Town, explains that inclusion is about “realising that these children cannot conform to our programme; we need to fit to them and be willing to adapt our programme”. She adds, “It is very exciting; it is all about helping them to keep growing.”

Parmosivea Soobrayan, directorgeneral of Basic Education, said at the World Down Syndrome Congress in August, “Inclusive schools provide an effective education to the majority of

to engage socially with other children, and they with him. This gives me hope that he will be able to engage in the real world one day and not be hidden away from society.

When inclusion works, all the children in the classroom benefit. Rushby shares how she loves watching other children engage with Matt, as it brings out beautiful aspects of their characters that wouldn’t otherwise be revealed. Cape Town occupational therapist Mush Perrins agrees. “They discover and develop aspects about themselves they may not normally have unearthed, such as compassion and patience, and how to value each other’s talents and abilities.” Caroline Taylor, of Inclusive Education Western Cape, goes further to link inclusion in schools to the building of democracy. “Inclusion is an honest acknowledgement of (our) diversity.

If South Africa is committed to positively promoting diversity, then the school is the place to start.”

Rushby appreciates the positive impact Matt has had on his teacher. She explains that children who learn differently require educators to think out-of-the-box and be

to find a school where authentic inclusion takes place. Travis says some children may experience increased anxiety in a classroom environment that is very auditory-based and language-loaded, placing high demands on the child’s fragile language system.

Some children may display “challenging behaviours or withdraw socially in order to compensate for their difficulties”. Perrins says primary and high school places more pressure on children when it comes to learning and social interaction. “A child who is differently abled often has to expend more energy than their peers, and thus they get more tired.”

Perrins says children in mainstream schools need more than just academic support. “Their social integration should be guided by the educators and parents together, where other health and educational professionals could be called on for advice.

The social aspect is often a painful one for the child, if they are not accepted fully by the other children.” Erasmus says teachers need to be properly trained so that any fear, ignorance and judgement can be addressed and dealt with.

Children with differences get the opportunity to build friendships with typically developing children. creative in helping them develop. This can benefit all the children in the class and can be stimulating and exciting. Erasmus says children with differences who attend mainstream schools have “access to education within their community instead of being sent away to special schools or staying at home, which makes them feel different and ‘weird’”. For us, having Matt attend a neighbourhood school means that he can do playdates after school and his school community is also his home community, so we don’t feel isolated. Until you have faced being different, you have no idea how much a sense of belonging can be a healing gift.

when things go wrong If inclusion is poorly managed, however, the children with differences may find themselves struggling. For it to work, educators need to be motivated, be properly trained and receive the necessary support. In South Africa where resources are limited and many education policies are not working properly, it can be a challenge

Going back to the rugby analogy, the try line for us in this “game” of mainstream schooling will be Matt’s participation in society – as a child and one day as an adult. And it is our firm belief that an inclusive school will help him get there.

This is how I explained my decision to the South African Association for Learning and Educational Differences: “I needed to realise that the whole point of inclusion is not that I make Matt fit into a mainstream setting. Rather it is about recognising that he is different, and looking at what changes can be made to the way things are done in the school to allow him to participate fully, to belong, and to keep growing and learning at his pace. I am not under any illusion that there won’t be challenges ahead. I also can’t say how long inclusion will work for Matt. But I remain hopeful that as long as there are principals and teachers who see the benefits of inclusion for everyone involved, that I will be able to work with them to create an environment where Matt can belong, contribute and grow.”

helpful websites • Inclusive Education Western Cape included.org.za • The South African Association for Learning and Educational Difference saaled.org.za • The Learner Facilitator and Tutor Network leftnetwork.weebly.com • The Down Syndrome Inclusive Education Foundation down-syndrome.co.za • Inclusive Education South Africa inclusion.co.za • Thutong – SA Education Portal thutong.doe.gov.za/InclusiveEducation

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October 2012

17

getaway

all aboard A child-friendly cruise up the West Coast, packed with daily entertainment, ensures good times for the whole family, says SUE SEGAR.

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hen I accepted the invitation for my children and me to join the MSC Melody for a fournight cruise from Cape Town to Namibia, I went straight into fantasy mode.

I had visions of the three of us, arm in arm, waving goodbye to the Mother City before settling down to four days of reading together, identifying ocean birds and looking out for the first sighting of the treacherous Skeleton Coast. Our journey was to take us 718 nautical miles from Cape Town to Walvis Bay, Namibia’s biggest port.

But within about 20 seconds of leaving the port, I realised my fantasy was not to be.

We left the Cape Town docks on a perfect January afternoon and the exhilarating moment when the ship’s engine chugged into action, signalling that we were away at sea, was one I will not forget quickly. I leaned over the railing and

Pluto’s House – where they’d signed up for bingo, a treasure hunt, a talent contest and four movie viewings.

After they had explored the endless possibilities on offer, the children were thrown into the realities of life on a ship when we were called to an emergency exercise – a sort of man-overboard drill.

“When you hear the signal, seven short blasts and one long blast of the ship’s alarm, put on your life jacket and go to your assigned muster station,” we were told.

This unnerved them. Maybe it was a mistake to let them watch Titanic before our voyage. For days before we left, Thomas kept checking that his dad was not going with us as he was anxious about the “woman and children first” principle he’d learnt about in the movie.

For the next two days I saw the children only briefly – at meals and because I insisted on it – before they dashed off to

stared in awe as Table Mountain, covered in a wispy “tablecloth”, gradually shrunk and eventually disappeared from view.

That was also when the main deck of the ship exploded into a cacophony of loud, popular music and I noticed that my children had disappeared. When I saw them joined to a chain of human bodies that was snaking its way round the deck, I realised that this was the “welcome aboard party”. Before long every single passenger, except me, was jiving wildly under the sun, most of them holding a cocktail in one hand. I watched as my children, led by a group called the All-Star Dancers, threw themselves into a throng of frenzied Macarena-like movements, beckoning me to join in as I cowered against the railing.

ship ahoy We pulled further away from the coast and soon we were in the open ocean, with no land in sight. My children were also nowhere to be seen and I eventually hauled them out of the children’s club –

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their next group activity. I’d bump into them now and then, on their way from the swimming pool, the Jacuzzi, a bingo game, the duty-free shop, or from stealing leftover chips from the mesmerising, yet out-of-bounds casino area.

I, meanwhile, spent hours lying on the more private lower deck, reading and watching the sea. Sometimes I regrouped in the lounge for coffee and a chat with some of the other abandoned parents.

We’d only reassemble at night in our cabin when the children eventually roamed in after the double-feature movie evening.

There was just one disciplinary incident, involving a fancy dress party, my favourite black dress and a red Chanel lipstick, which will probably be remembered for years to come. But, on the whole, I gather they had a whale of a time.

On the third day, having been told we’d arrive in Walvis Bay at around six in the morning, I woke the children so we could have our first daylight glimpse of Namibia.

A slight drizzle fell as we entered the bay magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPHS: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM / SUE SEGAR

For the next two days I saw the children only briefly – at meals and because I insisted on it – before they dashed off to their next group activity.

Clockwise from top left: Sue, Saskia and Thomas on board the MSC Melody; the Skeleton Coast; the lighthouse in Swakopmund; pelicans on the Walvis Bay Lagoon; Swakopmund; Thomas braving it down the Namib dunes.

via the long stretches of beach that mark the beginning of the Skeleton Coast. What confronted us was a desert landscape with not a tree or shrub in sight.

a few hours on terra firma We were able to leave the ship for half a day and, although it offers a range of excursions from Walvis Bay, we opted to explore on our own steam. We made a deal with a friendly taxi driver, Freddy, to drive us from Walvis to Swakopmund.

After a quick flip to the huge natural lagoon, full of seabirds – including flamingos and pelicans – we headed for the Germaninfluenced town. The 30km drive along the dune belt, with the coastline on our left and an array of majestic sand dunes on our right, was one of the most beautiful trips I’ve done, particularly as I’d never been in a desert. magazine durban

We asked Freddy to stop so that the children could climb the steep dunes and roll down again. Oddly enough, Freddy, who has lived in Walvis Bay all his life and who later showed us his home on the outskirts of the town, had never climbed or rolled down a sand dune. He quickly made up for it though and I eventually had to plead with the three of them to come back to the car so that I could visit Swakopmund.

Once there, we drove through the streets with its charming German colonial buildings, visited the market and enjoyed traditional coffee and apple strudel. We also visited a few of the town’s art galleries and the Swakopmund Museum, which contains exhibits on Namibian history. As time was running out, we drove back to Walvis Bay to board the ship and prepare for the voyage home.

October 2012

19

health

alleviating allergies You don’t have to sneeze, wheeze or scratch your way through life.

If you find out what’s causing your allergic reaction, there are ways to manage the problem. By MARC DE CHAZAL

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why the allergy overload?

This explosion of allergies is not entirely understood, says Dr Michael Levin, head of the Allergy Clinic at the Red Cross Children’s Hospital. “People’s genes have not changed, so there has to be something in the environment – either added to it or taken away from it – which is contributing to the increase in allergies,” he says. Lots of research has been done to identify reasons for the increase. Possible guilty culprits over the past 20 to 30 years are pollution, a sedentary lifestyle which results in obesity and an increased use of antibiotics at an early age. “It’s also thought that exposure to farm animals, unpasteurised milk, infections within large families and parasite infestations may have actually protected children in the past from allergies such as asthma. A move away from traditional lifestyles to a more westernised way of life may therefore account for the increase, especially in Africa with its growing urbanisation,” says Levin. The “hygiene hypothesis” is another popular reason put forward for the increase in allergies. What this means, explains nutritional therapist Hannah Kaye, is that we spend so much time trying to prevent our children’s exposure to microbes, especially bacteria, that their immune systems don’t develop properly. “I also feel that our environment is a lot more toxic than it used to be, whether from parabens, heavy metals or phthalates, which places a lot of strain on the gut and liver, and thus the immune system,” says Kaye.

healthy gut, healthy body Professor Patrick Bouic, from the Department of Immunology at the University of Stellenbosch, points out that 70 percent of the body’s immune system dwells in the digestive

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So there has to be something in the environment ... which is contributing to the increase in allergies. tract, which is why it’s essential to maintain a healthy digestive system. He encourages daily supplementation of probiotics. Kaye agrees. “I think that probiotics are one of our greatest weapons in promoting good flora in the gut and thereby supporting the immune system, but it’s worth spending money on a good one that is right for your child, as some probiotics are pointless.” Although a recent study has shown an effect on allergic disease when pregnant mothers supplemented with probiotics, Levin believes the jury is still out on their usefulness.

The good news is that allergies can be effectively managed, and in some cases even cured. Some of us are born with a predisposition to allergies, called atopy, often because we were born to parents with allergies. Sufferers more often than not have allergic children, but they don’t necessarily have the same allergic conditions. A parent with a nut allergy may have a child who has eczema or is asthmatic. Celia Fleming and her husband have allergies, as do their children Daniel, eight, and Jonathan, six. “They both suffer from allergic rhinitis, and Daniel has had asthma and mild eczema,” says Celia. “We live near an oil refinery, so I’m sure that airborne pollutants aggravate our allergic conditions.” Celia swears by homeopathic products, but also resorts to steroid nasal sprays when things get really bad. “We try to keep dust to a minimum. Having wooden floors throughout the house helps as they are easy to sweep and wipe clean,” she adds.

Atopic people have higher amounts of the antibody immunoglobulin E (IgE) in their blood. As a result, when an atopic person is exposed to an allergen such as pollen or house dust mites, their hypersensitivity to the allergen sets off an immediate allergic reaction. If your child has allergic rhinitis, pollen, or whatever allergen is responsible for the allergic reaction, will cause their system to produce histamine. The symptoms – a runny nose, itchy eyes, nasal congestion and sneezing – can be controlled by taking antihistamines and nasal sprays, but they’ll continue to react to the same allergens that trigger their immune response.

If you know what you’re allergic to, it can be managed by trying to avoid the allergen or being desensitised to it.

A skin or blood test will determine the cause of the allergy.

Immunotherapy is the process of desensitising people to the allergen causing their misery. “We find out what the person is allergic to, and instead of making them avoid it, we either inject the allergen into their system or give it to them in drops under the tongue until they no longer react to it,” says Levin. He says people with allergic rhinitis can see their symptoms reduced by 30 to 40 percent after successful immunotherapy. It is costly as it involves a long course of routine injections or oral drops, but some medical aids cover it.

“If you’re allergic to several things, it’s more difficult if not impossible to be completely desensitised, in which case your best option is to try avoidance and use medication properly,” advises Levin. “I tell parents that using medication correctly is more important than what they’ve been prescribed.” He advises patients to take their nasal sprays and asthma pumps with them to a doctor’s checkup to ensure they are using them properly. magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

damage control

sthma is the most common chronic disease of South African children, affecting 10 to 20 percent of the population. Doctors are treating more and more cases of children with this and other allergic conditions, including allergic rhinitis, eczema and food allergies. They are rarely life-threatening, except in the case of anaphylaxis, a severe whole-body reaction commonly caused by insect stings or a food or drug allergy. However, if you or your child suffers from allergies, you’ll know that the various symptoms associated with them are not trivial and can seriously affect a person’s quality of life. Even mild cases of allergic rhinitis, also known as hay fever, can have debilitating side-effects for children – they don’t sleep well at night, so they can’t concentrate properly at school the next day. Studies conducted on allergic pupils who write exams during the spring hay fever season, found that they dropped an entire grade.

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October 2012

21

parenting

success as a single parent DONNA COBBAN shares the stories of parents that are, for different reasons, doing it solo and doing it well.

...one of the advantages of being a single parent is that I get to raise my son the way I was raised and the way I want to raise him... it works for me Being a single mom is circumstantial – over and above all that, I am a mother. A joy-filled, adored, loved and muchneeded mother of a small, happy and much-loved boy, who spends Sunday mornings laying low in bed, drinking tea, eating biscuits and reading books – sometimes mine, sometimes his. My son came to me through a relationship that has since ended, but it is one that I will be eternally grateful to have had. Without it motherhood would have passed me by as I don’t think I would have been as brave as Ester, a Joburg-based single mother of twin boys. She was nearly 35 when the man she loved left. While she was utterly devastated that the relationship was over, she swung into action as she knew time was marching on and for as long as she can remember, Ester had wanted to be

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a mother. So she went in search of a sperm donor. “Sperm donors get asked beforehand if they would like their sperm to go to heterosexual couples and/or homosexual couples and/or single women. A heterosexual couple gets pages and pages of donors to choose from; I got to choose from a total of nine,” Ester laments. But today, after a long, costly and extremely emotional ride, she is the proud single mother of twin boys. “Since they arrived, 18 months ago, life has come to a bit of a standstill, as I am limited to where I can go and what I can do with two small toddlers.

Ester used to work long hours, leaving the office late at night to go out with friends. Today she rushes home after work to be with “...my gorgeous little munchkins; to spend time with them, to see how they develop and learn new things every single day – this is my joy.” Asked if raising twin boys with no assistance is something she would ever do over, Ester says “...in a heartbeat; it’s the best decision I ever made and it gets easier every day.”

While single parenting is still largely the mother’s domain, there are many single dads out there, many of who are not given the attention they deserve as single dads are still seen as an oddity.

Daniel* is single dad and primary caregiver to Sam*.

Daniel beats around no bushes, telling me that “...one of the advantages of being a single parent is that I get to raise my son the way I was raised and the way I want to raise him. My ex came from an abusive family and so there are psychological issues, which I am hoping will now not be propagated to my son.” Another advantage for Daniel is that every second weekend Sam stays with his mother and Daniel has a chance to have “...alone-and-let-loose time” – this being something he is duly appreciative of and which “…partnered parents don’t often get”.

together but apart Single parenting comes to us in different forms and guises. An increasingly common form is created by a travelling partner who is away from home for significant periods of time – thus casting the parent at home into a “single-parenting role”. Anna* and Doug* have been together forever and three years ago they moved with their two young children to Cape Town, largely for schooling reasons. This now means that Doug commutes about

2 000km, every few weeks, to work in Botswana. Anna says it takes him a full day to get to Cape Town if he wants to do it in one day. “He leaves at 4:30am, arrives in Joburg at 1pm; later lands in Cape Town around 3pm and then arrives home to a huge welcoming hug around 4pm. On the days he works a half-day, he’ll only leave after lunch and his arrival time at home in Cape Town is well after one in the morning – at this time, the bed is at least already well-warmed,” laughs Anna.

Anna says that having a support structure for herself was just as important as having one to help with the children.

Anna’s closest relative, her mom, lives 1 400km away, so Doug and Anna decided to employ a live-in nanny.

Thandi* has since become a great support structure and an essential part of the family, although now that the children are older she only works office hours, from Monday to Friday. In addition to this, Anna makes sure she invites her mom to spend a week with them over the school holidays. This helps them all bond and frees Anna from some of her fortnightly single parenting stints. Interestingly Anna tells me that it was through single parenting that she learnt she was in great need of adult time, conversation and company and that having a support structure for herself was just as important as having one to help with the children. “So I invested time in forming close friendships and I do try to meet with at least one friend, once a week, without the children, for adult time and adult conversation,” Anna says.

making it work And then, like the majority of parents, but especially single ones, Anna prepares well ahead of time. She has a weekly meal planner and shops online. After a hard morning’s work spent counselling troubled teenagers, Anna picks up her children from school, and they all sit down to a main lunchtime meal. This Anna says helps to lessen magazine durban

illustration: shutterSTOCK.COM

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while ago I was at a parental social gathering; I wandered through the crowds and came across a group of lovely looking women, huddled in confidante-speak. Recognising one of them, I entered the fold only to discover that this was single-mother speak – they were exchanging divorce, maintenance, new wives of ex-husbands and weekend commitment stories. As I, too, am a single mom, I received immediate acceptance, but just as fast, I found myself looking for a way to extricate myself from this group of strong, capable and loving women. While I may have had a host of things to complain about myself, I didn’t want to give those things credence, time or energy on that particular day. I did not want to be defined as a single mother – the very term conjures up all sorts of largely negative stereotypical images in people’s minds. I did not want to feel pity for myself as a single mother and, worst of all, I did not want the pity of others to ever fall at my door.

stressful evenings when everyone is tired. I envy this kind of organisation. My modus operandi is a bit different and on most Sunday afternoons there will be a random rice and lentil cook-up on our stove, or a bean stew on slow boil – for lunch and dinner in the coming week.

Any single parent who handles the bulk of child rearing knows how draining and exhausting life can often be – despite the joy that children bring. It’s in these moments that we need to pause and be proud – immensely proud – of keeping it all together; keeping them warm, fed, bathed and loved and making sure we do the same for ourselves.

Anna very soon noticed how single mothering taught her that she was so much more capable than she thought she was. “I have dealt with all sorts of crises, from a leaking geyser and rushing Thandi to the ER late at night to taking care of two little patients after they simultaneously had their tonsils removed.”

Another valid point that Anna raises is “parental opting out”. “When you are in a relationship you can easily opt to not take responsibility, but when you are a single parent you are on call for everything, 24/7 – from house maintenance and school duties to parenting and your own job. I had to learn to plan carefully and ensure that I spend time with my children and also that when I am with them, I am fully present.”

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In addition to learning our strengths through single parenting, the fact that we are doing this alone makes it harder to hide when things go wrong. Anna says she just has to look at her children to know that if they are acting up, it is a symptom of a faulty system. “This then challenges me to reflect on my life, my schedule,

my priorities and my parenting style and then to make changes where things are not working. I think when two adults do the parenting it is easy to blame the other one. But when you fly solo it forces you to look at yourself.” * Names have been changed.

getting back in the game For single parents, there is often guilt in (or around) deciding whether or not you should date. Keep it simple: if you want to, you should. Just find a way to do it that is comfortable for you. Here’s a start: • Make sure you know a lot about any new person before inviting them into your home.

• Make friends before considering a romantic relationship.

• Always introduce new adults to your children as friends, nothing more.

• Listen to what your children have to say about the new person.

• Do not pressure your children to like your new friend, or to spend time with them.

• Insist that your children behave appropriately and politely.

• Have regular family discussions with your children.

• Gradually introduce a new date to your children by doing family-oriented activities together.

• If you want to get serious with your “friend”, find out his or her feelings about children.

• Don’t miss sport or school events, or any quality time with your child, in order to date.

• Don’t use your children as “confidants” to discuss your relationship confusion or problems.

Dr Tina B Tessina, family therapist and author

October 2012

23

best for baby

when to wean New research suggests that the early introduction of solids may

should be introduced only from six months, as your baby’s immune system may react to the proteins found in foods other than breast milk. So when is the right time?

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ith my first baby, I was advised to start feeding solids from six months. But just 16 months later, when I took my son for his six-week checkup, I was told to introduce them sooner to reduce the risk of allergies. His paediatrician pointed to recent studies indicating that the risk of food allergies for allergens such as wheat, peanuts and cow’s milk is reportedly higher if solids are started later than between three and six months.

An article in Pediatrics, the official journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics, says recommendations that an infant’s gut is too immature to handle solids before six months, and that introducing food too soon could pose a risk of allergies, “may lack a strong scientific basis”.

But the World Health Organisation holds fast to its recommendation of exclusive breast-feeding for at least six months, with the introduction of complementary foods thereafter. And all baby food products, such as baby cereals and bottled purees, state clearly on their labels that solids

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allergy risks An allergy occurs when a foreign protein has been able to enter the bloodstream and there is an adverse reaction, explains Joburg nutritionist Tracy Hesslewood. It can be an acute reaction, such as dermatitis or respiratory distress, or a milder food intolerance that takes longer to present.

Infants initially lack the “border control” required to protect their intestines from foreign proteins as their intestines are permeable for as long as the first six months, to allow for immune system proteins to pass through via their mother’s milk. Babies swallow bacteria as they move through the birth canal, which sets off the production of probiotic bacteria in their guts. Caesarean-section babies, who don’t start off with these bacteria, may be at greater risk of intestinal damage. “There is a study that links a Caesarean birth to a 53 percent higher risk of allergies such as eczema, hay fever and asthma,” says Hesslewood.

is it all about the timing?

Hesslewood says paediatricians may be attaching “undue significance” to a few “maybe” studies of the links between

the timing of solids and allergies. “There are other factors at play that will contribute significantly to the overall risk of a child developing allergies, namely their intestinal flora balance and their overall immune system health.” She advises mothers to protect their baby’s immune system from reacting adversely to solids by making sure they get the correct nutrients and are able to digest that food properly.

But she adds that the total avoidance of possibly allergenic foods is not a good thing. “If a mom introduces solids to her baby from four months, and many do now because their babies get too hungry, I would suggest intermingling the more allergenic foods with less risky ones.”

Cape Town paediatric dietician Kath Megaw says there is no evidence that delaying the introduction of solid foods beyond four months is protective, and some studies suggest it may in fact promote allergies. “Starting solids at four to six months, alongside breast-feeding, will not put an infant at greater risk of developing allergies.”

Hesselwood says we shouldn’t narrow the cause in the rise of allergies to just the timing of the introduction of solids.

“A baby with imperfect indigestion is more likely to develop allergies, no matter when you introduce the solids. While sooner may be better than later, it matters whether your child’s digestion is in good working order, and it matters whether their immune system is well fed.”

magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPH: shutterSTOCK.COM

help reduce your baby’s allergy risk. By ANÉL LEWIS

how to

budding bookworms Book clubs expose young readers to an exciting world of literature, says SUE SEGAR.

b

PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM / ILLUSTRATION: Rico

ook clubs for children not only encourage wide-ranging and more varied reading, but also stimulate discussion; extending their intellectual and social abilities. Cape Town mother Sarah Archer set up a book club for her children two years ago. Her daughter, Sophia, then nine, was a voracious but not very adventurous reader.

“It occurred to me that the benefits offered by grown-up book clubs could carry over to children and that, as part of a book club, they could read more widely without the pressure of having to buy more books.”

Sarah says the idea was to pool the books the children had bought between

magazine durban

book club get-togethers, and to encourage them to try as many as possible. Five other mothers, with daughters the same age as Sophia, jumped at the opportunity to take part. They meet for an afternoon tea every six weeks or so.

“We have no proper system; we deliberately didn’t want it to be administratively onerous. It’s a case of whoever can come, does and you can bring whatever books you have.” Two years on, Sophia is reading considerably more widely than before.

Citing her own experience of an adult book club, Sarah says, “My natural inclination is to read escapist literature,

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how to

but with a book club I take a selection and often get into books I would not normally have considered. I want that for my children too. Sophia’s definitely got into some series that she wouldn’t normally have looked at, obsessed as she is with horse books.” Sophia, now 11, says, “I loved the Goosebumps series and The Hardy Boys. I would never have read them if I was not in the book club.”

Justine Evans, also from Cape Town, started a book club for eight-year-old boys about a year ago. “I came up with the idea when the mother of a friend of my son, Jacob, asked whether the boys could swap some books as her son had run out of new reads.” She said parents were enthusiastic and the group soon grew from six to 10 children. “It seems that is a good size to cap it at.” This book club is run very simply, which is part of its appeal. Justine says the boys were initially encouraged to bring three books they were happy to lend and everyone got a turn to pick a book.

“There was plenty to eat and there was also time to play.”

At the second meeting, Justine suggested that the boys name their book club. They called it “The Olympic Book Club”, after a game they were playing.

Justine is convinced that the book club has encouraged the boys to read more. Her son is more willing to take books from his peers, than have them imposed on him by his mother. “The book club has been a launch pad out of Horrid Henry. He is hooked on Anthony Horowitz now.” The boys do discuss their different tastes – some are into science or history, while others prefer comics or books about sport.

Tandi Erasmus runs Story Club, a mini book club for children aged three to six years, in the Hillcrest/Highway area in Durban. It is offered as an extramural at schools where children meet weekly to share and swap books. “As a mother of three, and an avid bookworm myself, I have always tried to encourage reading in my own children. The Story Club evolved naturally for me. As I always say to my little readers, ‘to read is to grow’.”

Julia Knowler, a mother of two girls aged nine and eleven, runs a book club in Durban North that is now in its third year. “We started the book club when a few mothers with daughters in the same Grade 3 class noticed how the girls were devouring books. We were forever paying library fines and didn’t know what books to get for them.”

friendships. “The girls were initially shy with each other, but they are now proud to be part of the group,” says Sarah. A member of the group, Saskia Welz, 11, says, “I like that when we are playing on the trampoline, someone will recommend a book. We have become friends because of the books.”

The book club also creates an opportunity to develop close friendships.

Although their group comprises only girls now, Sarah says the gender make-up will probably be more of an issue when the girls are a bit older. “Introducing boys would change the dynamic.” Justine says the mothers look forward to the book club as much as the children. Playing together is a big part of the meeting, but Justine says she wants to bring more focus to the books this year. “In the beginning they all used to sit and read at the end of the meeting, but recently the playing has overshadowed the books a bit.” However, she says the best thing about the book club is that she didn’t buy a single book last year.

Sarah would also like to encourage the girls in her group to talk more about the books. “It’s something we’ve never done before, as we didn’t want to put them on the spot. But now that they’ve developed a sense of what they do and don’t like, it would be good to get summaries of their favourite books.

Julia warns that it’s easy for a book club to lose focus. “It is great for the children to have a social gathering, but it is best not to detract too much from the fact that they are there because of books,” she says. It’s important, when starting a book club, to ensure that the children have access to a range of good authors and subject matter. “The Ultimate Book Guide (A & C Black Publishers) is a very useful resource to give parents an idea of what sort of books are out there for boys and girls of all ages.”

2 3 4 5

JHB – Marteli: 079 886 6393 or marteli.groenewald@gmail.com JHB – Reading Starz Forum, by Read Educational Trust, where book clubs can share ideas and discuss ways to inspire reading. Contact Thando: 011 496 3322 CPT – Centre for the Book Children’s Reading Centre is open Tuesday to Thursdays for story time and other reading-related activities. Contact: 021 423 2669 DBN – Story Club. Contact Tandi: 031 765 5677 or visit storyclub.co.za PTA – Soul Space. Contact: 074 118 9184, 083 400 5545 or visit mysoulspace.co.za

story time Nal’ibali, which means “here’s the story’ in isiXhosa, is a new national initiative to promote and support a love of stories in children of all ages. Initiated by the Project for the Study of Alternative Education in South Africa (Praesa) at UCT, with Avusa Media, the focus is on building satisfying and fun-filled interaction between adults and children through storytelling and reading. Joining the Nal’ibali reading clubs means bringing children together to do all kinds of activities related to stories through play, games, writing and reading.

The Nal’ibali team suggests starting book club sessions with a song or a game. Children learn easily and comfortably when they play, so these are fun ways to start a session. You can also ask older children to teach all of you a game that they know or have made up. Make sure to sing songs in the home languages of all the children.

Join their growing network of reading clubs by registering on nalibali.org. During the term, there is a weekly Nal’ibali supplement to support and inspire reading and storytelling in homes and in reading clubs. It’s bilingual in English and isiXhosa and English and isiZulu, so you and your children can use it to support language learning too.

Online versions can be downloaded free of charge

Besides expanding the world of reading, the book club also creates an opportunity for its young members to develop close

com/nalibaliSA, to chat about books and stories.

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It’s good if the mothers are all friends and the children are the same age.

You need to work out what your aims are for the club. If they want to read something else, our attitude is they are welcome to take those books out of the library.

Hold a meeting with all the mothers on what you want to achieve with the book club. Perhaps set up a roster to determine who will host the club when.

Get each child to donate three or four books. The books must have names in them, so that they can be returned at the end of every year.

Set up a book club meeting; two hours is a good time limit.

Make sure you keep a record of all the books that have been taken out and returned.

contacts for book club enthusiasts

book buddies

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Julie’s tips for starting a book club

and you can join their Facebook page, facebook.

magazine durban

resource

to read is to fly One of the greatest gifts you can give a child is the love of reading. Child magazine suggests ways to make books a much-loved part of your family. read, read, read ways to get them to read Tandi Erasmus, of Story Club, offers the following ideas to get your children to read.

• To get your children to appreciate books, instil a love of reading from an early age.

• Read a story at the end of each day.

Your child will relish the undivided attention and will associate books with this good memory.

• Be a reader yourself; children follow by example.

• Place books around your home so they are easily accessible.

• Read age-appropriate books.

• Use fun voices and faces to help bring the story to life.

• Story books with a CD promote and develop listening skills. ways to get children to read better • Always praise children and have patience as they are learning to read.

• If your child is battling to read, buddy read with them to build their confidence.

• Play word games such as broken telephone and Scrabble.

• A good way to interpret the story is by acting it out.

• Story recall helps to develop comprehension skills. ways to get children to read more widely • Read different stories as well as informative books.

• Join a library.

• Start a book club.

• Begin collecting monthly children’s magazines. These are colourful and informative, and cover a wide variety of topics.

• Get books that contain rhyming, illustrations and good vocabulary.

PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

reading for different learning styles There are three main learning styles – visual, auditory and kinaesthetic or movement – and children, while stronger in a particular mode of learning, may process information in a combination of the three. auditory learners Children who prefer audio stimulation learn by phonics and sounding out, decoding and synthesizing words. They find it difficult to read silently for extended periods, so to make reading fun, encourage them to magazine durban

read out loud, use different accents for the characters, and sing, rap or rhyme the contents of the book. Lynley Dodd’s Hairy Maclary series, which follows a small “terrier” and his friends, uses simple plots and rhythmic verses that flow easily. The repetition allows young children to anticipate what’s coming next and gets them repeating the words. Audio books can expose auditory learners to books and stories. visual learners Children who find visual material more stimulating are easily drawn to picture books with bright involved illustrations and large print. Robert Sabuda’s elaborate pop-up books bring stories to life with colourful castles, dragons and fairies rising from the folds. The Where’s Wally? series has children from the age of five glued to the pages for hours, as they try to pinpoint a set of items among the crowds in weird and wonderful locations. kinaesthetic or tactile learners For children who prefer being active and hands-on, books with flaps and tags, scratch-and-sniff panels, cookbooks, crafts and science experiments keep them stimulated and allow for spontaneous activities. The Peek-a-boo board book by J. Ahlberg is great for young children getting used to books while playing the peek-a-boo game. For older children, The Everything Kids Science Experiments Book by Tom Robinson has loads of easy experiments. help from a furry friend Reading difficulties can hamper the emotional development of your child, says Marieanna le Roux, who is researching the effects of animal-assisted reading programmes at Stellenbosch University’s Department of Psychology. She says international studies show that children with low self-esteem would rather speak or read to a dog than an adult. “The unconditional and non-critical acceptance of the pet or dog creates calmness and boldness that enable the learner to read freely, regardless of how many mistakes are being made.” For more information on animal-assisted learning programmes, visit pat.org.za or therapytopdogs.co.za

Primary in Joburg: “Reading aloud is a way for children to share the books they enjoy – memorable experiences can be created as discussion ensues about topics raised during the reading.”

A fluent reader, such as the parent, is a role model for a child’s oral reading.

You give a voice and meaning to text that children cannot give to the story on their own. You demonstrate to your child the mental processes they use to make sense of what they are reading, such as asking yourself questions, predicting, making connections to what you already know in the story, relating information to personal experiences and checking whether you truly understand what you are reading. Reading aloud also helps children to: • familiarise themselves with difficult words and learn correct pronunciation; • improve on listening comprehension; • gain confidence to become effective communicators; orally and in writing; • become involved in the drama of a story and become expressive, creative and imaginative readers; • expand their vocabulary and learn the meaning of words in context; • learn the intricacies of language; • decrease passive listening, which is often what happens with TV and MP3 players, and • be creative with language – especially true with rhyming books, which are great fun for reading aloud no matter the age. how to read aloud effectively Consider your goals for the read-aloud before selecting the book. Alphabet books

are good for teaching letters. Storybooks are good for vocabulary and informational books develop content knowledge and enhance a child’s motivation for reading.

Word play books are useful for developing skills such as phonological awareness.

To keep their attention, prompt children to use their background knowledge to develop their understanding of the story.

Keep them engaged by asking them questions about the story as it unravels.

Read in a lively way, using voices, gestures, pauses and expression where required, as this helps children understand the story. Encourage children to predict what will happen based on the events that have unfolded in the story, and engage them in both immediate talk, such as asking literal questions, and non-immediate talk, such as discussing the meaning of the story. You can also relate the story to personal experiences.

Wendy Pote, of Linden Library in Joburg, says: “Children like to be involved, so ask them to participate in the story by saying the magic word, or shooing the dog away. They also like stories where they have to find the ladybird that is hidden on every page, or the detailed illustrations of a book, such as in those by Richard Scarry, where so much is going on.” Stories with rhymes appeal to children and are fun to read. Also use stories with repetition, such as the traditional tales of The Little Red Hen and Chicken Licken.

“Of course, any book read with gusto and obviously loved by the parent would make the child love it too. A lot of what makes story time special is the closeness it engenders between adults and children.”

win audiobooks The Listeners’ Library specialises in audiobooks and offers a wide selection for adults and children. Fiction, fairy tales and fables keep children entertained while improving imagination, vocabulary, pronunciation and listening skills.

Contact: 011 325 2266 or visit listenerslibrary.co.za One reader stands a chance to win four audiobooks, namely Robinson Crusoe, The Hen Who Wouldn’t Give Up, The Reluctant Dragon and Classic Fairy Stories, valued at R635. Simply enter via childmag.co.za/winsdbn and use the code “Listeners Library DBN”. Your details will be made available to Listeners’ Library.

win

why read aloud?

If you wonder about the benefits of reading aloud, consider this from Jacky Bellon, librarian at King David Linksfield Junior

To download the full resource with age-appropriate reading recommendations, go to childmag.co.za/content/to-read-fly

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books

a good read for toddlers

for preschoolers

Bramble the Brave

By Amber Stewart and Layn Marlow (Published by Oxford University Press, R60) Bramble has a nose for adventure. She can dig under meadows, wade through slippery weeds, tumble down hills and climb the trickiest branches, but when it comes to trying new food, she turns her nose up at everything. Eating nothing but berries can get a bit boring and Mommy mole knows just the thing to entice Bramble to be brave and try something new. This is a beautifully illustrated story that encourages children to go beyond the familiar, whatever the arena. Parents and children everywhere will recognise the issues in this book and will be rooting for Bramble to extend her adventurous spirit to her eating habits.

Winnie Under the Sea

By Valerie Thomas and Korky Paul (Published by Oxford University Press, R57) Over three million copies of the Winnie the Witch series have been sold worldwide and it’s no surprise as these books are crammed with humour. Winnie and Wilbur whizz off for a holiday at the seaside and she can’t wait to dive in and explore life under the sea, but Wilbur isn’t so sure; water is wet and he feels quite at home on land. But Winnie has an idea and turns Wilbur into a catfish. Suddenly Wilbur doesn’t mind getting wet and he’s having so much fun that Winnie decides to turn herself into an octopus, so they can swim together. Then Winnie drops her wand and things get complicated.

our favourite witch

for early graders Mhlanguli, Antjie, Zimkhitha, Azhar and Cindy (Published by the Early Learning Resource Unit, R35 each for parents and teacher; R200 for all five) This series of books is part of The Keteka series and the Anti-bias Project of the Early Learning Resource Unit. Each book tells the story of a day in the life of a child.

These children all live in different parts of South Africa and the stories are told in isiXhosa, English, Setswana and Afrikaans. It’s a great tool for parents and teachers to show children different cultures and teach them about tolerance. Children can also learn a new language along the way. For orders, email jade@elru.co.za

for preteens and teens Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

By Lewis Carroll

Soldier Dog

By Sam Angus

(Published by Random House Struik, R90) This book is a new release from the publishing house’s Vintage Children’s Classics series, where they aim to bring these ageless tales to children from the age of nine. The story of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland is well known, but boasts a brand-new cover. Also included in the book is a back story. Here children can test their knowledge of this tale, learn more about Carroll and what inspired him to create Wonderland. Children also get the opportunity to create their own nonsense verse. Other books in this series include The Wind in the Willows, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Treasure Island, What Katy Did, The Silver Sword, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time, The Jungle Book, The Wolves of Willoughby Chase and Emil and the Detectives.

(Published by Macmillan Children’s Books, R71) Stanley’s dad hasn’t been the same since his wife died and his eldest son went off to fight in the war. Now Stanley is either invisible to his dad or the object of one of his rages, and his only friend is his dad’s prizewinning greyhound, Rocket. But one day Rocket escapes, and the result is a litter of non-thoroughbred puppies that Da says will all have to be drowned, even Stanley’s favourite puppy, Soldier. Stanley is so angry with his father that he runs away and enlists in the army to train as a messenger dog handler. Despite being far too young, he’s soon heading to France with a Great Dane called Bones by his side. Based on a true story, this heartbreaking, powerful tale of a boy soldier and his dog is set against the devastating backdrop of World War I.

for us

parenting book

Dress Your Cookie

By Joanna Farrow

r fun fo mily the fa

(Published by Spruce, R117) With four basic cookie recipes plus detailed step-by-step decorating instructions, you can make 50 edible designs to dress up your cookies. The book tells you how to shape cookies and how to make icing; offers techniques for decorating, melting and using chocolate and piping, and what equipment is useful. From animals and colourful characters to fun designs and festive shapes, there are decorations for everyone and every occasion. So whether you want a rainy-day activity to do with the children, or something different and colourful to bake for family and friends, cookie decorating has never been so much fun.

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October 2012

Life Talk for Parents

By Izabella Little-Gates

dealing with tee ns

(Published by Reach Publishers, R156) This book provides comprehensive information and advice about the current issues and challenges faced by teens and parents. This thought-provoking guide empowers parents, helping them to be proactive in their parenting, and addresses topics such as: how do you prepare your children for the challenges of adolescence and adulthood?; peer pressure, binge drinking, drugs and sexual activity; what to do if your child is huffing, cutting or playing choking games; dealing with “but everyone else is going!”; sexting, chat rooms, porn and bullying; divorce, blended families and single-parenting dilemmas. This book focuses on enhancing communication and building self-esteem and values, boundaries and the right attitude.

magazine durban

calendar

what’s on in october

You can also access the calendar online at

childmag.co.za

Here’s your guide for what to do, where to go and who to see. Compiled by TAMLYN VINCENT

19 fri

special events

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FUN for children

31

only for parents

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bump, baby & tot in tow

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how to help

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SPECIAL EVENTS The Highbury Christmas fair Shop for an assortment of all things Christmas, from gifts to decoration and other Christmas goodies.

FUN FOR CHILDREN

ONLY FOR PARENTS

bump, baby & tot in tow

how to help

Ecokids Sprout-it and Microgreening workshops School groups are taught about plants.

Poetry Africa Local and international poets feature in the line-up for this year’s festival.

Baby massage class Learn easy techniques that support bonding, while helping with relaxation.

Under an African Sky Buy the 2013 African Exposures calendar to help Crow rehabilitate animals.

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October 2012

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calendar

SPECIAL EVENTS 1 monday Double the Holiday Fun Cherry the Clown delights children with her Dotty Fun show, followed by activities and puppet theatre. Ends 6 October. Time: 10am.

Venue: Rhumbelow Theatre, Cunningham Rd, Umbilo. Cost: R50. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.com Singa-Little-Longa With songs, stories, dress-up, puppetry and more. Ends 5 October. Time: 11am. Venue: Under the Fig Tree Amphitheatre, Durban Botanic Gardens, Berea. Cost: R50. Contact Sandy: 082 865 0226 or admin.pawpaw@gmail.com

4 thursday Durban Homemakers Expo Be inspired to create a home that has personal style and identity. Ends 7 October. Time: 10am.

Venue: Durban Exhibition Centre, 11 Walnut Rd, Durban. Cost: adults R45, children under 12 free. Contact: 031 764 5270 or dbn.expo@homemakers-sa.co.za

Durban Duck Day Rubber bath ducks race each other with the tide. Food, entertainment and more available.

Corporates, schools and charities can get involved. Time: 11am. Venue: Durban Marina. Cost: R40 per duck. Contact Barry: 031 266 9828 or visit durbanduckday.co.za Renaissance faire Visit the market, and enjoy the food, music and sword fighting.

Also 7 October. Time: 10am–5pm, Saturday; 10am–4pm, Sunday. Venue: Greensleeves Medieval Kingdom, 21 Wishart Rd, Hillcrest.

Cost: adults R60, children R30. Contact: 031 765 9400, camelot@greensleeves. co.za or visit greensleeves.co.za SPCA open gardens View six beautiful gardens. Time: 9am–5pm. Venue: Durban North. Cost: R50. Contact Caroline or Stuart: 031 579 6500, 031 564 4420 or 083 254 0205

9 tuesday

14 sunday

19 friday

The Seven Wonders A tribute to the music of seven great pop icons. Ends 7 January. Time: 6:30pm, Tuesday–Saturday; 12:30pm, Sunday. Venue: The Barnyard Theatre, Gateway. Cost: varies. Contact: 031 566 3045, gateway@barnyardtheatres. co.za or visit barnyardtheatres.co.za

Amashova Durban Classic Families and serious cyclists can join in this annual event.

Roads are closed along the route. Time: 5:30am, 40km family ride; 6am, 106km challenge. Venue: family ride departs from Hillcrest; 106km challenge departs from Pietermaritzburg; both races end at Moses Mabhida Stadium. Cost: varies. Contact: 031 312 8896 or visit shova.co.za

Ladies’ charity golf day Teams of four ladies can help make dreams come true for children with life-threatening illnesses.

Time: 8am. Venue: Umhlali Country Club.

Cost: tbc. Contact: 031 566 2220 or prkzn@reachforadream.org.za The Highbury Christmas Fair Find Christmas gifts for family and friends at this festive market. Also 20 October. Time: 8am–4pm, Friday; 8am–2pm, Saturday.

Venue: Highbury Rd, Hillcrest. Cost: free entry. Contact Lisa: 031 765 9800, marketing@hps.co.za or visit hps.co.za

10 wednesday Centre for Rehabilitation of Wildlife (Crow) golf day Tee off for Crow. The day includes a presentation dinner, prizes and lucky draws. Time: 10:30am. Venue: Durban Country Club. Cost: R2 000 per four-ball. Contact Claire: 031 462 1127, 073 744 5173, fundraiser@crowkzn.co.za or visit crowkzn.co.za

12 friday

4 October – Durban Homemakers Expo

6 saturday Ben 10: Omniverse premieres The new series launches with a special screening of episodes 1 and 2. Time: 9am; episodes are repeated 9am and 2:50pm, every Saturday; 4pm, every Monday. On Cartoon Network, DStv channel 301. For more info: visit cartoonnetworkafrica.com

14 October – Amashova Durban Classic

Night Market Christopher Robin Preprimary hosts a fun-filled night market, with food, children’s clothing, toys and more. Time: 4pm–8pm. Venue: Davallen Ave, La Lucia. Cost: free entry. Contact Christina: 083 372 2065 The Sunflower Fund’s Big Bandana Bash Enjoy a fantastic meal and show, plus stand a chance to win prizes. Time: 6:30pm–10:30pm. Venue: The Heritage Theatre, Heritage Market, Hillcrest. Cost: R250, includes Sunflower bandana. Contact: 031 266 1148, steph@sunflowerfund.org.za or visit sunflowerfund.org.za

15 monday Global Handwashing Day Activities promote and raise awareness of washing hands with soap. Everyone is encouraged to find out more and get involved. For more info, tools and resources: visit globalhandwashingday.org Poetry Africa The programme includes poetry, music, dance, book launches and workshops. Ends 20 October. Time: varies.

Venue: Elizabeth Sneddon Theatre, 15–19 October; The Bat Centre, 20 October. Cost: R30. Contact: 031 260 2506, cca@ukzn. ac.za or visit cca.ukzn.ac.za

17 wednesday Montessori teacher training This is an information session for 2013 enrolments.

Time: 5pm–6:30pm. Venue: Ocean View Montessori Preschool, 32 Oxford Dr, Durban North. Cost: tbc. Contact: 082 900 3192, info@montessorisa.co.za or visit montessorisa.co.za

23 tuesday Christmas through the Home Find handmade crafts, decorations, wooden gifts and more. Children not allowed.

Ends 27 October. Time: varies. Venue: 9A Highlands Rd, Pinetown. Cost: R20 entry.

Contact Wynanda: 083 270 1901, Adie: 031 702 5811 or Jeanita: 083 414 4388

24 wednesday Santa Shoebox drop-offs This project collects Christmas gifts for underprivileged children. Drop-off days for filled shoe boxes are from 24–27 October. Time: varies.

Venues: Central Durban, Durban North or Pinetown. Cost: free. Contact Kim: 082 302 9592, kimfoster@telkomsa.net. For info on what to include in the shoe box, visit santashoebox.co.za

family marketplace

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October 2012

magazine durban

27 saturday Good Health and Wellness Expo Meet health experts and sample products. The show has a brand-new lifestyle component.

Exhibitors include healthcare practitioners, lifestyle consultants, fitness instructors and others from the health industry. You can also get your eyes and blood tested and sample the food at the stalls. Time: 9am–5pm. Venue: Protea Edward Hotel, Durban. Cost: R25. Contact: 031 368 1979, 072 910 9378 or communications@ fezekisacom.co.za Halloween fun Trick-or-treaters meet ghoulish hosts, travel through a spooky maze and watch the uShaka dolphins perform a bewitching show. Also 28 October. Time: varies. Venue: uShaka Marine World, 1 Bell St. Cost: R100. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.com or 031 328 8000 or visit ushakamarineworld.co.za PediaSure Toddler Sense Seminar Ann Richardson, baby and toddler expert and bestselling author, and other experts such as Alison Lang and Pauline Mulkerrins, discuss toddler issues, including potty training, discipline, feeding, sleeping issues and what makes your toddler tick. Ticket price includes goody bags, prizes and tea. Time: 8am–1pm. Venue: Durban Country Club. Cost: R295.

Contact Debbie: 031 262 4962, 082 467 8236, bookings@toddlersense.co.za or visit toddlersense.co.za

28 sunday Global Diabetes Walk This 5km walk along the beachfront raises awareness and support for diabetes. A Wellness Expo is also open. Time: 8am–12pm. Venue: The Amphitheatre, Bay of Plenty. Cost: R40. Contact Pat: 082 499 5222 or visit globaldiabetesrunwalkdurban.blogspot.com

30 tuesday Christmas fair Get in some early Christmas shopping at this charity-based fair with festive stalls and a relaxed country atmosphere.

Buy special gifts, jewellery, clothing, décor items and more. Also 31 October. Time: 9am–6pm, Tuesday; 9am–5pm Wednesday.

Venue: Collisheen Estate, Ballito. Cost: R30.

Contact Sue: 032 552 2270, 079 879 3782 or sjr@telkomsa.net

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FUN FOR CHILDREN art, culture and science Port Natal Maritime Museum Children love the displays of maritime and shipping history. Time: 8:30am–4pm, Monday– Saturday; 11am–4pm, Sunday. Venue: Samora Machel St, Durban. Cost: donations welcome. Contact: 031 311 2231

classes, talks and workshops Art lessons Learn to paint and draw.

Time: 3:30pm–4:30pm, every Thursday.

Venue: Rose Hill, Durban North. Cost: R380 per month. Contact Suzette: 074 178 9388 or sdyson@remax-panache.co.za Children’s yoga Develop strength, flexibility, concentration and coordination.

Time: 3:15pm, every Tuesday; 11am, every Saturday. Venue: Centre of Wellbeing, 16 Canberra Ave, Durban North. Cost: R40.

Contact Angela: 076 410 1410 or angela@ rautenbach.co.za Core 4 Kids Action-filled classes build upper body and core muscle strength. For children 6–9 years old. Time: 2pm–3pm or 3pm–4pm, Monday and Tuesday.

Venue: Danville Ave, Glenashley. Cost: R70.

Contact Michaela: 074 101 2616 Dynamic studying Grade 4–7 learners are taught how to study. 3 and 4 October.

Time: 8:30am–12pm. Venue: Ashton International College, Ballito. Cost: R500.

Contact Angela: 082 379 1429 or Caroline: 082 716 8878 Ecokids Sprout-it and Microgreening workshops Designed for school outings, for children 3–6 years old. Time: varies, Tuesday–Friday. Venue: Lucky Bean, 10 Cadmoor Rd, Assagay. Cost: varies. Contact Donnae: 082 216 3892 or visit luckybean.co Extramural cooking Children learn about nutrition, kitchen safety, food preparation and table manners. Time: varies. Venue: Meryl’s School of Cooking, 1 Wingfield Rd, Kloof. Cost: R500 per month. Contact Meryl: 031 764 6577, meryl@absamail. co.za or visit merylschoolofcooking.co.za Get ready for school An introduction to formal learning for Grade R learners.

Time: varies. Venue: suite 125 Ridgeton Towers, 6 Aurora Dr, Umhlanga Ridge.

Cost: varies. Contact: 031 566 1110, tracy@ kipumhlanga.co.za or visit kipmcgrath.co.za

Model Dynamics Learn about modelling, etiquette and public speaking. Time: 10am–11:30am, every Saturday. Venue: St John’s Hall, Glenwood. Cost: R70 per lesson, R250 per month. Contact: 083 356 1317 or modeldynamics@eject.co.za Study skills programme Learn how to study smarter. For Grades 5–7 and 8–12. Time: 9am–12pm and 12pm–3pm, every Saturday. Venue: suite 125 Ridgeton Towers, 6 Aurora Dr, Umhlanga Ridge.

Cost: varies. Contact: 031 566 1110, 082 042 2556 or tracy@kipumhlanga.co.za

family outings Book fair Find popular titles at affordable prices. Time: 10:30am–3:30pm, 16 October; 7:30am–2pm, 17 October. Venue: Durban Girls’ College. Also at Hillcrest Christian Academy on 24 and 25 October, and Hillcrest Primary on 29 and 30 October.

Cost: free entry. Contact: 031 705 7744 uShaka Kids World Children 2–12 years old can enjoy creative and adventure activities. Time: 9am, Wednesday–Sunday.

Venue: uShaka Marine World. Cost: adults R10, children R45. Contact: 031 328 8000 or visit ushakamarineworld.co.za

finding nature and outdoor play 1000 Hills Bird Park See rare and exotic birds, or ride the zip line. Time: 8am–4pm, Tuesday–Sunday. Venue: 1 Clement Stott Rd, Botha’s Hill. Cost: adults R25, children R15. Contact: 072 927 8242 or visit 1000hillsbirdpark.co.za

Crow open day Learn more about wildlife rehabilitation. 28 October. Time: 11am.

Venue: 15A Coedmore Rd, Yellowwood Park. Cost: R25. Contact: 031 462 1127 or info@crowkzn.co.za

holiday programmes African Safari Week Start spring with a roar. 30 September–7 October. Time: varies.

Venue: Zinkwazi Beach, North Coast. Cost: varies. Contact: 032 485 3778, holidays@ sugarbay.co.za or visit sugarbay.co.za Akimbo Kids There are holiday activities for children 1–8 years old at this parent-friendly coffee shop and playground. See their Facebook page for activities. 1–8 October.

Time: 9am–4pm. Venue: 40 Meadway Rd, Drummond. Cost: R20 entry per child.

Contact: 031 783 7892 or visit facebook. com/akimbo.kids Drumkidz holiday programme An action-packed 30 minutes of drumming fun and entertainment. 2–5 October.

Time: varies. Venue: varies. Cost: R35–R40.

Contact: robynne@drumkidz.co.za Holiday activities Fun, under-thesea activities and games for children. 29 September–7 October. Time: 10am–1:15pm.

Venue: Fountain Court, Pavilion Shopping Centre. Cost: free entry. Contact: 031 275 9800 or visit thepav.co.za Holiday boot camp A three-day clinic that develops motor skills. 2–4 October. Time: 7:30am–2pm. Venue: Boot Camp SA, Giba Valley, Westmead. Cost: day one or two R225; three days R580. Contact Anlie: 082 782 6432 or durban@bootcamp-sa.co.za Holiday craft club Crafts include making a mosaic picture frame, canvas art, beading and serviette decoupage. 1–5 October.

Time: 11am–2pm. Venue: Imagine That, The Crescent. Cost: R120–R170 per day.

Contact: 031 566 3354

markets

28 October – Crow open day

Essenwood Market Fresh food and children’s activities. Time: 9am–2pm, every Saturday. Venue: Essenwood Rd. Cost: free entry. Contact: 031 208 1264 or visit essenwoodmarket.com Golden Hours Family Market Fundraising initiative of Golden Hours Special School.

Time: 10am–3:30pm, every Sunday. Venue: Uitsig Rd, Durban North. Cost: free entry.

Contact Lyn: 083 262 3693

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calendar

9 October–7 January – The Seven Wonders

I Heart market Hand- and home-made crafts. 6 October. Time: 9am–2pm. Venue: Moses Mabhida Stadium, Masabalala Yengwe Ave, Stamford Hill. Cost: free entry. Contact: thejoyteam@gmail.com Kloof Country market Find quality products and homemade goods. 6 and 20 October. Time: 9am–12:30pm. Venue: Robyndale Centre, 10 Msenga Rd, Kloof.

Cost: free entry. Contact Linda: 082 454 3181 or linda@healinghandskzn.co.za The Food Market For locally produced foods. 27 October. Time: 8am–1pm. Venue: The Hellenic Community Centre, Durban North. Cost: free entry. Contact: 084 505 0113 or visit thefoodmarket.co.za Wonder Market There is entertainment for children, vintage jewellery, food vendors and more. 7 October. Time: 9am–3pm. Venue: Chris Saunders Park, Gateway. Cost: free entry. Contact: 079 747 7661, wonder@wondermarket.co.za or visit wondermarket.co.za

on stage and screen

Ben 10: Omniverse premieres Ben and his new partner explore the alien underground.

6 October. Time: 9am, thereafter episodes screen at 9am and 2:50pm, every Saturday; 4pm, every Monday. On Cartoon Network, DStv channel 301. For more info: visit cartoonnetworkafrica.com Double the Holiday Fun A fun show and activities for children. 1–6 October.

Time: 10am. Venue: Rhumbelow Theatre, Cunningham Rd, Umbilo. Cost: R50. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.com Singa-Little-Longa Inspires and entertains children of all ages. 1–5 October.

Time: 11am. Venue: Under the Fig Tree Amphitheatre, Durban Botanic Gardens, Berea. Cost: R50. Contact Sandy: 082 865 0226 or admin.pawpaw@gmail.com

playtime and story time Children’s story time A story followed by a craft or activity. For 3–8 year olds. Time: 10am, every Saturday. Venue: 26 Rockview Rd, Amanzimtoti. Cost: free. Contact: 031 903 6692 or thebookboutique@gmail.com Lucky Bean A play-garden and indoor play-barn, with sand art and Perler beading.

A holiday programme and weekly Drumkidz sessions also available. Time: 9am–4pm, Tuesday–Sunday. Venue: 10 Cadmoor Rd, Assagay. Cost: R20 entry per child. Contact Donnae: 082 216 3892 or visit luckybean.co

sport and physical activities Taekwondo Tornados Children get exercise, develop core strength and agility, and have fun. Time: varies according to

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age group, every Wednesday. Venue: Westville Library. Cost: R120 per month. Contact Sam: 082 876 0628 or tkdtornados@gmail.com

only for parents classes, talks and workshops Abstract art class Paint on canvas, using various techniques. No experience required.

Time: 10am–12pm, Monday, Wednesday, Thursday or alternate Saturdays. Venue: behind Coastlands On The Ridge Hotel, off Peter Mokaba Rd. Cost: R120. Contact: 073 223 6565 or nmoola@gmail.com Mobile Pilates in Motion One-on-one or group classes in the comfort of your home.

Time: varies, Monday–Friday. Venues: Morningside, Durban North or Upper Highway. Cost: varies. Contact Laura-May: 082 443 4533, info@pilatesinmotion.co.za or visit pilatesinmotion.co.za Moms IT lessons Introductory and advanced computer skills. Time: 9am–12pm, every Tuesday or Thursday. Venue: suite 125 Ridgeton Towers, 6 Aurora Dr, Umhlanga Ridge. Cost: varies. Contact: 031 566 1110, 082 042 2556, umhlanga@computers4kids. co.za or visit computers4kids.co.za Pilates Precision Lose weight and boost vitality. Time: 5:30pm–6:30pm, Tuesday and Thursday. Venue: The School of Modern Montessori, 9 Anthony Dr, Gillitts.

Cost: four classes R280. Contact Sarah: 071 183 4161 or sarahxevans@hotmail.com Taekwondo for ladies Develop core strength, exercise and learn self-defence.

Time: 7pm–8pm, every Thursday.

Venue: Westville Library. Cost: R120 per month. Contact Sam: 082 876 0628 or tkdtornados@gmail.com

on stage and screen Poetry Africa Local and international poets take to the stage. 15–20 October.

Time: varies. Venue: Elizabeth Sneddon Theatre, 15–19 October; The Bat Centre, 20 October. Cost: R30. For more info: visit cca.ukzn.ac.za The Seven Wonders Celebrate the songs of music icons. 9 October–7 January. Time: 6:30pm, Tuesday–Saturday; 12:30pm, Sunday. Venue: The Barnyard Theatre, Gateway. Cost: varies. Contact: 031 566 3045, gateway@barnyardtheatres.co.za or visit barnyardtheatres.co.za

support groups Adhasa support groups Meetings are irregular. For details on Adhasa, meeting times and support, contact Stuart: 031 298 8896 or Robin: 082 499 1344

Aware Bears A support group for children with cerebral palsy. Parents can request a one-week visit from Helen, a lovable teddy bear who also has cerebral palsy and offers encouragement and support. Contact Lesley: lesley@neverendingstories.co.za or visit facebook.com/AwareBears Bipolar Kids South Africa Support for parents, family and friends of children with bipolar disorder and ADHD. Contact Elisa: 082 780 6335 or Lee: 083 227 2304, bpkidssa@mweb.co.za or visit bpkidssouthafrica.co.za Childhood cancer parent support group Choc schedules regular support meetings. Contact Gill: 084 831 3683 or visit choc.org.za Reach for Recovery breast cancer support group Meets for bring-andshare morning teas. Contact: 03l 205 9525 or 072 248 0008 Sadag For those suffering from depression or drug addiction or those who may be suicidal. For more info or referral to a support group: visit sadag.co.za

bump, baby & Tot in tow

classes, talks and workshops Antenatal class Parents learn to experience pregnancy, labour and birth with confidence. Starts 2 October. Time: 6pm–8pm. Venue: 60 South Ridge Rd, Overport. Cost: R950. Contact Dana: 076 387 5425, peace@nurture-now.com or visit nurture-now.com Baby massage class A four-session course that teaches bonding. Starts first and third Monday or Tuesday. Time: 2pm–3:30pm, Monday and Thursday; 10am–11:30am, Tuesday and Friday. Venue: 60 South Ridge Rd, Durban. Cost: R650. Contact Dana: 076 387 5425, peace@nurture-now.com or visit nurture-now.com Edubabe Runs childminder training, first-aid workshops and cooking classes for nannies, au pairs and parents. Time: varies. Venue: Glenwood. Cost: varies.

Contact Kate: 071 968 1007 or durban@ edubabe.co.za PediaSure Toddler Sense Seminar There are talks by experts, including bestselling author and baby and toddler expert Ann Richardson, plus goody bags, prizes and tea. 27 October. Time: 8am–1pm. Venue: Durban Country Club, Walter Gilbert Rd. Cost: R295. Contact Debbie: 031 262 4962, 082 467 8236, bookings@toddlersense. co.za or visit toddlersense.co.za Pregnancy yoga Prepare your mind and body for childbirth. Time: 4pm, every Tuesday; 9:30am, every Friday. Venue: Eagle View Studio, N4 Galloway Lane, Winston Park. Cost: 16 October lesson free, other lessons R50. Contact Kirsty: 083 560 5390, kirsty@blissfulbellies.co.za or visit blissfulbellies.co.za

playtime and story time Clamber Club Stimulation classes for children 1–4 years old. Time: varies.

Venue: branches in Ballito, Hillcrest and Kloof. Cost: varies. Contact Ballito: 076 222 2946, Hillcrest: 084 577 7630, Kloof: 083 259 2746 or visit clamberclub.com Moms and Tots and Moms and Babes workshops Stimulates learning and selfconfidence. Time: varies. Venue: branches in Amanzimtoti, Umhlanga, Durban North, Highway area and Glenwood. Cost: varies.

Contact: info@momsandtots.co.za or visit momsandbabes.co.za or momsandtots.co.za Toptots Children 8 weeks–4 years can join age-appropriate classes to learn and play.

Time: varies. Venue: branches in Durban North, Ballito, Glenwood, Kloof, Hillcrest, Westville and Hilton. Cost: varies. Contact: 031 266 4910, 082 876 7791, info@ toptots.co.za or visit toptots.co.za

support groups La Leche League Worldwide breastfeeding support organisation. For breastfeeding support contact Jane: 031 309 1801 or visit llli.org/southafrica Mothers 2 Baby For moms who are finding motherhood challenging. Booking essential. Time: 10am–11:30am, the third Thursday of every month. Venue: Hillcrest Private Hospital, Kassier Rd. Cost: free.

Contact Hayley: 078 640 7949

how to help Edith Benson Babies’ Home This facility caters for children who have been orphaned, abandoned, abused or are HIVpositive. They need food parcels, nappies and formula. Parents who would like to foster children can also get involved.

Contact Kudzai: 031 208 9539 or edithbenson@cwdd.org.za Pink ribbons Schools and businesses are invited to buy pink ribbons in aid of hospice. Ribbons cost R2 each. Contact Lynn: 031 208 6110 or lynn@hospice.co.za Under an African Sky Raise funds for animal welfare by buying an exclusive, 15-page wildlife wall calendar. Crow is the 2013 beneficiary. Cost: R150. Contact: 031 267 9700, orders@underanafricansky.co.za or visit underanafricansky.co.za

27 October – PediaSure Toddler Sense Seminar

don’t miss out!

For a free listing, email your event to durban@childmag.co.za or fax it to 031 207 3429. Information must be received by 3 October 2012 for the November issue, and must include all relevant details. No guarantee can be given that it will be published. To post an event online, visit childmag.co.za

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it’s party time For more help planning your child’s party visit

childmag.co.za/resources/birthday-parties

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October 2012

33

finishing touch

double trouble Having two small children, under the age of two, is not for the faint-hearted.

e

Erin, Anél and Conor

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October 2012

veryone said that having a second child, just 16 months after the first, would be easy. We were told that, as we were already on nappy and bottle duty, adding a few more for the new baby would be a cinch.

Well, “they” lied.

Or, at the very least, they fudged a few details. It is, in fact, a massive balancing act.

It now takes us at least 45 minutes to get ready for a one-hour outing.

Packing for two little people who may need milk, wet wipes, nappies and extra clothing, probably at the same time, is no mean feat. Then there’s the dilemma of who to attend to when they cry simultaneously.

And believe me, cry simultaneously they will.

Never mind a yawn being contagious – nothing spreads faster between siblings than a frustrated cry. If I do manage to get Conor to sleep, you can bet your Lotto ticket that Erin will drop all 17 of her crayons on the tiled floor. Then

she will start crying, because she has “made mess”. And within minutes, Conor is wailing in unison, and Mom “is mess”.

To mix things up a bit, I recently came back to work, so now I have just 120 minutes in the evening to bath, feed and bed them.

I hang my head in shame to admit this, but there are days when I have to say, “Food or bath?” There just isn’t time to do both, and they have to eat. I reckon a few nights with just a quick wipe of the face cloth won’t do irreparable harm.

One thing that has rung true, however, is our relaxed attitude the second-time around. Perhaps a bit too relaxed…

A few weeks after Conor was born we ventured out, all four of us. Everything went swimmingly. I packed enough nappies and Conor slept most of the time. When we came home, we settled down on the couch to catch up on some screen time.

Suddenly Craig leapt up. “Where’s Conor?”

So accustomed to our three-person routine, we had forgotten to bring Conor in from the car. Fortunately, we realised he was missing after only a few minutes, and he slept through the whole ordeal. But it left us pretty shaken. Now we are each responsible for a child when we go out, to make sure that all heads are accounted for at all times.

On the up side, I’m developing toned arms, that will soon rival those of Michelle Obama, from lifting and carrying both babies at the same time. And, I’m told, they will soon be able to entertain each other. Let’s just hope the ubiquitous “they” got that part right. I’m looking forward to the day when the children have their own buddy system in place, just in case someone gets left out again.

Anél Lewis is Child magazine’s features editor. She’s realising that parenting is not an exact science, and that finding the balance is an impossible task. Also follow her on Twitter: @ChildMagParent

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PHOTOGRAPH: STEPHANIE VELDMAN

ANÉL LEWIS admits that sometimes, someone gets left out.