Child magazine | JHB October 2014

J O B U R G ’ S

b e s t

gu i d e

f o r

p a r e n t s

raising an

introverted child sticks & stones

when nicknames turn nasty

why playing

marbles

is good for children

10

common childhood

conditions & support

the positive influence of

grandparents www.childmag.co.za

October 2014

free

dealing with difference

health

education

entertainment

Hunter House P U B L I S H IN G

Publisher Lisa Mc Namara • lisa@childmag.co.za

Editorial

You’ve probably heard about the Ice Bucket Challenge.

Managing Editor Marina Zietsman • marina@childmag.co.za

It’s an activity involving dumping a bucket of ice water on someone’s head to promote awareness of amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS) and to raise money for research.

Incidentally, this is the same disease that former Springbok Joost van der Westhuizen has. Things turned sour when a video was posted online of an autistic teenager in the US doing what he thought was the Ice Bucket Challenge, but instead urine, faeces and spit were dumped on him. It’s a heart-breaking story. Children who are perceived as “different” to others are often victimised and bullied, which is why our annual “dealing with difference” issue is so important. We have a great line-up for you this month that we hope will help to create greater understanding of some of the challenges many families face on a daily basis. Our resource brings you the

Features Editor Marc de Chazal • features@childmag.co.za Resource Editor Simone Jeffery • joburg@childmag.co.za Editorial Assistant Lucille Kemp • capetown@childmag.co.za Copy Editor Debbie Hathway

Art Designers Nikki-leigh Piper • studio@childmag.co.za Mark Vincer • studio3@childmag.co.za Louise Topping • studio@childmag.co.za

Advertising Lisa Mc Namara • lisa@childmag.co.za

Client Relations Yvette Dreyer-Ferreira • jhbsales@childmag.co.za

Subscriptions and Circulation Nicolene Baldy • subs@childmag.co.za

PUBLISHER’S PHOTOGRAPH: BROOKE FASANI

Accounts Nicolene Baldy • admin@childmag.co.za Tel: 021 465 6093 • Fax: 021 462 2680

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top ten conditions that we receive queries about and support groups that may assist you (pg 28); we explain the difference between shyness and introversion (pg 12); and parents share how they’ve handled their child being teased at school (pg 22).

There’s a lot more to inspire, enlighten and entertain… happy reading.

Don’t forget to buy your bandana from Pick n Pay or your local Round Table in support of The Sunflower Fund.

National Bandana Day is on 12 October.

to advertise Tel: 011 807 6449 • Fax: 011 234 4971 Email: jhbsales@childmag.co.za Website: childmag.co.za

welcome submissions but retain the unrestricted right to change any received copy. We are under no obligation to return unsolicited copy. The magazine,

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October 2014

3

feature

contents october 2014

14 upfront

health

3 a note from lisa

10 get the balance right

6 over to you readers respond 31 reader’s blog Lauren Schoeman celebrates life with her Down’s syndrome son

features 14 be a good sport Ruth Rehbock explains how to help children cope with competition

16 have you lost your marbles? there are numerous benefits to playing with marbles, says Nicole Levin

18 colourful india Shareen Singh and her family explore the vibrancy and aromas of this cultural mecca

22 when nicknames turn nasty name-calling is not always funny. Christina Castle gives advice on what to do when it becomes hurtful

24 social drinker, scummy mummy or serious alcoholic? alcohol affects women more dangerously than men. Glynis Horning gives you the facts

26 golden oldies Christina Castle looks at the invaluable role grandparents play in a child’s life

Marc de Chazal finds out if so-called “superfoods” exist

regulars 8 pregnancy news – growing stronger could pregnancy and childbirth make women better athletes? Anél Lewis speaks to a few experts

9 best for baby – dark thoughts Anél Lewis considers why some mothers think of harming their babies

12 dealing with difference – raising an introvert there is a difference between a shy child and an introverted child. By Camilla Rankin

28 resource – condition(al) support Tamlyn Vincent compiles a list of support groups for 10 common childhood conditions

32 a good read for the whole family 36 what’s on in october 46 finishing touch no-one appreciates a know-it-all, not even when it comes to well-meant parenting advice, says Cassandra Shaw

classified ads 44 let’s party 46 family marketplace

this month’s cover images are supplied by:

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October 2014

Joburg

Cape Town

Durban

Pretoria

Woolworths woolworths.co.za

True Religion Kids truereligion.com

Claudia De Nobrega Photography claudiadenobrega.com

Ackermans ackermans.co.za

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feature

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October 2014

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letters

over to you

each child is unique The following letter was sent out in the Camps Bay Primary School (Cape Town) newsletter. The letter, which originally appeared in a British newspaper, was sent home by a head teacher of a school in England, to accompany assessment results: Please find enclosed your end of KS2 test results.

We are very proud of you as you demonstrated huge amounts of commitment and tried your very best during this tricky week. However, we are concerned that these tests do not always assess all of what it is that makes each of you special and unique.

The people who create these tests and score them do not know each of you the way your teachers do. They do not know that many of you speak two languages. They do not know that you can play a musical instrument or that you can dance or paint a picture. They do not know that your friends count on you to be there for them or that your laughter can brighten the dreariest day. They do not know that you write poetry or songs, play or participate in sports, wonder about the future, or that sometimes you take care of your little brother or sister after school. They do not know that you have travelled to a really neat place or that you know how to tell a great story or that you really love spending time with special family members and friends. They do not know that you can be trustworthy, kind or thoughtful, and that you try, every day, to be your very best. The scores you get will tell you something, but they will not tell you everything. So, enjoy your results and be very proud of these, but remember there are many ways of being smart.

learning maths through games I was called in by my daughter’s Grade 3 teacher and was told that she has a serious maths problem. I overreacted like any mother would. That first evening we did maths until 7:45pm, had instant noodles for dinner and then she had to go to bed. The next couple

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October 2014

Let us know what’s on your mind. Send your letters or comments to marina@childmag.co.za or PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010.

of weeks we worked together, and with a lot of time, effort and tears, we were getting her up to standard.

I bought a lot of books to aid us and although it worked, it was not the answer. She saw it as homework and punishment. One day she received her maths homework and had to do it on the iPad. She loved it and thought it was fun and did it without complaining.

I started browsing and found a couple of maths games to play on the iPad. That changed everything.

We started playing these games together and she was having fun without realising that we were actually doing maths.

She is now up to standard and is getting really good marks. We still work on her maths every day, but now it is fun because we are using the iPad. I can recommend this to all parents as a maths tool.

Lana

your voice on childmag.co.za “immunisation schedule” My two year old is up-to-date with his vaccines, but I’m concerned because he plays with a child who has never been to the clinic. What are this child’s risks and is my son safe playing with him?

Tshilidzi Childmag says We asked Dr Rose Burnett, senior lecturer at the department of virology, University of Limpopo for her expert opinion: “You are right to be concerned. Your child’s friend may be protected by herd immunity if all his friends and contacts are fully vaccinated like your son, but if not, then he is at high risk of contracting a vaccine-preventable disease. And contrary to popular belief, some of these diseases can cause severe illness and even be fatal. Also, although your toddler is up-to-date with his vaccines, no vaccine is 100% effective, so there is still a small risk that he can get infected if his friend is infected. Also bear in mind that if your toddler does get infected, the rest of your family is at risk, especially if you have a small infant who is too young to be vaccinated.”

“living with loss” Your article on stillbirth made me happy and sad. Happy, because more expectant moms should hear about what can happen and be educated that falling pregnant is just the beginning. Getting to full term and then going home empty-handed is a reality for many moms. I’m sad and every tear took me back five and a half years ago when the monitor went silent and Anabelle’s little heart stopped beating. I am sad for every parent who has had to endure the physical and emotional pain of stillbirth, and I’m heartbroken for every parent that might go through this. It makes me sad when I recall the decisions that have to be made before the birth, knowing your baby has died in your womb. What type of labour do you choose? Should you get an autopsy?

Do you spend time with the baby? Should you take photos, and hand and footprints? Or do you deliver your baby and regret for the rest of your life that you refused to see your baby, to name her and hold her? I have heard some parents are advised to go with the latter, and I can honestly say they all have regrets.

I am happy now that I have two gorgeous children; Anabelle’s sister, 20 months, and her brother, four years old. I am happy that my children know about their eldest sister, who according to her brother enjoys tea with Nelson Mandela. We will always be a family of five.

Lara

erratum In the September 2014 issue, we incorrectly printed the email and website addresses of EduBabe in our resource. The correct addresses are: edubabe@ edubabe.co.za and edubabe.co.za. We apologise for any inconvenience caused. subscribe to our newsletter and win Our wins have moved online. Please subscribe to our newsletter and enter our weekly competitions.

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We reserve the right to edit and shorten submitted letters.

The opinions reflected here are those of our readers and are not necessarily held by Hunter House Publishing.

Post a comment online at childmag.co.za

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October 2014

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pregnancy news

growing stronger ANÉL LEWIS digs deeper into the theory that pregnancy and childbirth could be making women better athletes.

hormones and heartbeats Ferguson explains that the level of relaxin hormone, which releases your ligaments and tendons, reduces considerably in the first few months after childbirth. This makes your musculoskeletal system feel more solid and reduces the risk of injury. “With the pelvis fused back together again, you will be able to have a strong core, and your limbs will move more effectively,” she adds. Your resting heart rate also increases by 10 to 15 beats during pregnancy, so you may frequently feel out of breath. As your heart rate returns to normal after childbirth, you’ll find it easier to move around quickly again, says Ferguson.

body basics The almost 60% increase in blood supply during pregnancy means there is extra blood to carry oxygen to depleted muscles, says Ferguson. “There would also be a strengthened musculoskeletal system due to the progressive and increased body weight during pregnancy.”

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fit and pregnant So if childbirth has some benefits for athletic performance, what about getting onto the treadmill during pregnancy?

The South African Sports Medicine Association’s official position statement on exercise during pregnancy states: “In

the absence of either medical or obstetric complications, all pregnant women should be encouraged to participate in aerobic and strength-conditioning training at moderate intensity on most or all days of the week.”

These include walking, jogging and running, hiking, lowimpact aerobics, swimming, cycling, rowing and dancing.

Exercise should have minimal risk to the baby and mother, and be comfortable to do. The type, intensity and duration of exercise should also be considered to ensure the benefits outweigh the risks. Warning signs during exercise include any vaginal bleeding, amniotic fluid leakage, dizziness, headaches, chest pain, muscle weakness, calf pain or swelling and decreased foetal movements. If these occur, seek immediate medical attention.

exercise no-nos According to the South African Sports Medicine Association, these exercises should be avoided: • scuba diving • exercise at altitude of more than 6 000 feet • contact or falling sports such as gymnastics • motionless standing, or exercise that requires you to lie on your back for long periods after your first trimester.

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PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

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ally Ferguson, a Cape Town-based biokineticist and mother of three, was a runner before she fell pregnant, and she continued to run during all of her pregnancies up to about 34 weeks. “I have to say, the hardest time was running in the first few weeks with morning sickness and then towards the end weighing 9kg more than before. So to run after each baby was born felt amazing.”

Ferguson says that while there is no real research proving that women are better runners or athletes after having a baby, there are some physiological and mental changes that could give new mothers a competitive edge.

Although these changes do diminish after a woman gives birth, Sally says that if an expectant mother continues to train during and after pregnancy it could have an accumulative, long-term effect on improving her overall strength and fitness. This may have been the case for British athlete Paula Radcliffe, who won the 2007 New York City Marathon just nine months after giving birth.

best for baby

dark thoughts Mothers plagued by disturbing mental images of wanting to harm their babies

a

are most likely suffering from postpartum anxiety, writes ANÉL LEWIS.

nne Ronald* recalls how one afternoon, after hours of trying to soothe a colicky baby, she considered putting her daughter into the oven. Shocked by her own thoughts, she went to sit on the pavement outside her house while her baby continued to scream.

When Anne had calmed down, and the horrific feeling had subsided, she immediately called her family doctor who said: “The fact that you didn’t harm your baby, and that you phoned me instead, proves that you never intended to hurt her.” The incident left Anne feeling guilty for years. These so-called “intrusive thoughts” are often referred to as the “hush-hush” syndrome because most sufferers are too ashamed to admit to having them.

involuntary thoughts or ideas or images, which are distressing and disturbing”.

Sufferers may feel as if they want to stab, drown, throw or suffocate their baby. Others think about being in a car accident with their baby, or about their child being injured in a hijacking or other incident.

“It is very important to note that many women have these thoughts, but they are just thoughts. Very, very few women act out on them,” reassures Lewis.

They’re caused by anxiety, stress, a sense of being overwhelmed or an inability to cope. Sleeplessness is also a major factor. Lewis adds that as with all forms of postnatal depression, there is also a strong biochemical or hormonal component.

signs you may need help hold that thought Linda Lewis, a Cape Town-based psychologist and author of When Your Blessings Don’t Count (Metz Press), describes intrusive thoughts as “unwelcome,

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“You are not going mad and you are not bad, but you do need to reach out for support as soon as you start becoming concerned about the thoughts, and they occur more frequently,” says Lewis.

They’re usually diagnosed as postpartum obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and are especially common with women who may have experienced OCD before they gave birth. However, anxiety and stress after childbirth could also trigger unwanted feelings. Lewis adds that these differ from the outbursts one expects from new mothers who are sleep-deprived and adjusting to their new roles, as they are usually “disturbing or scary”.

According to the Post Natal Depression Support Association of SA (PNDSA), feelings of anxiety, irritability and tearfulness that usually clear up within two weeks of the birth are considered “baby blues”. Postpartum psychosis, at the other end of the spectrum, is when a mother becomes severely delusional and a danger to herself and her baby. This affects one or two mothers per 1 000.

The postpartum anxiety that could trigger intrusive thoughts lies somewhere in the middle of these two conditions.

“The problem is that although intrusive thoughts are common, most women feel too ashamed to admit them and therefore don’t seek help, which can exacerbate their postnatal distress and anxiety,” says Lewis. Treatment options include individual supportive therapy with someone specialising in postnatal depression, cognitive behavioural therapy, group therapy or medication.

getting help SMS “help” and your name to the PNDSA hotline on 082 882 0072 or fill in the online test at pndsa.org.za to be referred to a support group or psychologist. *Name has been changed

15–30% of all mothers will have postnatal anxiety (PNDSA)

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health

get the balance right Some foods have greater nutrient value than others and should be included in our diets,

t

but is there such a thing as a “superfood”? MARC DE CHAZAL looks for answers.

he word “superfoods” gets bandied about a lot, especially with reference to foods that supposedly have amazing health benefits and disease-fighting properties due to their high content of antioxidants, vitamins and other nutrients. But according to Sandton-based dietician Leigh-Ann Silber, the term is not clearly defined. “I often feel that the word is a marketing gimmick to make a claim on a food that simply has some natural healthboosting potential,” she says. The term is also misused. Some seaweeds promoted as superfoods contain natural toxins that may actually increase the risk of cancer.

Deborah Hoepfl, a dietician based in Cape Town, concurs and is of the opinion that no one food should be considered “super”. “It’s the balance of foods consumed that will contribute towards a healthy food intake,” she explains.

Both of these dieticians are wary of pinning the term “superfood” to a list of foods whose nutritional value has been known for a long time, but they do admit that there are some foods that have exceptional nutrient qualities.

“Many whole foods are nutrient dense and packed with phytonutrients – compounds that have been shown to have a positive effect on the body. These ‘superfoods’ have minimal processing, are grown from the ground and many of them are rich in colour,” points out Silber.

vegetables, and nuts and seeds are easy to come by and should be on our regular shopping lists. The only thing to avoid feeding children is any food they are allergic to, such as nuts and strawberries, or food that can cause choking in very young children, such as grapes. There is no real danger that children will consume too many foods that are rich in antioxidants, as they have a limited stomach capacity and these foods are usually high in fibre, so they’re rather filling.” Silber does agree that too much of anything can be bad, so as a rule of thumb children should be eating half to a quarter of an adult portion.

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October 2014

According to the South African food-based dietary guidelines, we should all be enjoying a variety of foods in our daily diet, including plenty of vegetables and fruits, dry beans, peas, lentils and soya, and lots of clean tap water to stay hydrated.

“We don’t need to go out of our way or deeper into our pockets to buy ‘superfoods’ from exotic locations,” says Silber. “Foods such as eggs, organic fruit, different coloured

super eaters Deborah Hoepfl encourages us to include the following foods with a good mix of nutrients in our diets on a regular basis: Pilchards and sardines contain high amounts of omega 3 fatty acids, which promote healthy brain development, growth and concentration in children. Other oily fish include mackerel, salmon, fresh tuna and trout. You can

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PHOTOGRAPHS: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

No one food should be considered “super”.

It’s the balance of foods consumed that will contribute towards a healthy food intake.

make fish fingers, fish cakes or a pâté served on toast or crackers to get children eating fish from a young age.

Beans and lentils are a great source of insoluble and soluble fibre, which are both necessary to keep us regular and stabilise our blood sugars. They are an inexpensive protein and a good source of iron, according to Hoepfl, who suggests adding them to mince, soups and stews.

Liver is an excellent source of iron, which is essential for oxygen to get around our blood stream and for brain development. Iron deficiency is common in children and can cause behavioural changes, delayed psychomotor function and can affect cognitive function. To make liver more palatable for children, try it as a pâté or add it to mince and stew dishes. Vitamin C-rich foods such as tomatoes help with the absorption of iron from food, so it’s a good idea to include them in the meal.

Eggs are a quick, easy meal packed with protein, iron and vitamins A and D. Serve them boiled with soldiers or as an omelette.

Yellow vegetables such as carrots, butternut, squash, peppers and sweet potatoes are especially good for us because they are a good source of vitamin A, which is essential for healthy eyes and a strong immune system.

Hoepfl points out that many South African children are deficient in vitamin A. Add these veggies to soups or serve as a snack with a dip.

Milk and dairy foods contain the calcium children need for strong bones and teeth. Incorporate foods such as milk, yoghurt or cheese into your child’s daily diet. You

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can make milkshakes or mix milk with fruit and yoghurt in a smoothie to ensure regular consumption. Milk can also be used in desserts.

Whole grains contain cereal germ, endosperm and bran, and because they are intact, they also contain more nutrients and fibre. Whole grains include whole-wheat flour, whole-wheat bread and pasta, oats, mielies, barley, brown rice and popcorn. Oats are an excellent source of fibre and have a low glycaemic index. Serve it with breakfast or mix it with your child’s regular cereal. Children should have two to three servings of whole grains per day, which can help prevent cancer, cardiovascular disease, diabetes and obesity.

Fruit should be eaten daily, especially those that are rich in vitamin C, which is essential for healthy gums and a strong immune system. Vitamin C also helps with the absorption of iron. Children should be encouraged to eat a wide variety of these fruits, including oranges, naartjies, kiwi, guavas, strawberries, mango, papaya and blueberries.

You can do fun things with fruit. Blend them in smoothies, make fruit kebabs, mix up a fruit salad or juice them, which can also work nicely for ice lollies.

Water is the best and healthiest way for children to stay hydrated and is preferable to sweetened juices. Tap water is perfectly good to drink, but if you’re concerned about the quality of your water supply, fit a filter to your taps.

You can make water a bit more appealing for children by adding fresh mint, a slice of lemon or a splash of fresh fruit juice for flavour.

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dealing with diffference

raising an introvert Recognising, respecting and raising an introvert in a world that prizes boldness and an outgoing flair is tough – especially when that introvert is your own child.

CAMILLA RANKIN explains, quietly.

inside the introvert Introversion has become wholly misunderstood and has been cast as extroversion’s “bad brother”. These personality traits are not value judgements of how good you are at socialising or how much you like or dislike people, they are simply ways of describing what level of social interaction energises or drains you. Extroverts are revitalised and get their “oomph” in large groups of people, while introverts are energised by being on their own or after spending time with one or two people. Describing her son Nicolas’ (5) introverted nature, Maxine (an introvert herself), says, “Nicolas loves the company of others, but it can leave him drained. After a bit of time on his own, he is recharged and bouncy again.”

One of the biggest misconceptions is that shyness and introversion are one and the same – they are not.

Neither of these personality traits are mutually exclusive and most people operate on an introvert-extrovert spectrum. They are also situation-specific. As adults we have learnt when to put on an extroverted “face” for public speaking or dinner parties, or give ourselves some “downtime” listening to music, regardless of our natural tendencies. Similarly, all children display both types of traits but do innately prefer one over the other. According to researcher and author Susan Cain, “introvert” describes a third to half of the population.

introverted or shy?

One of the biggest misconceptions is that shyness and introversion are one and the same – they are not. In her book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, Cain explains, “Shyness is the fear of social disapproval or humiliation, while introversion is a preference for environments that are not overstimulating. Shyness is inherently painful; introversion is not.”

Your introvert may well be shy too, but there are many introverts who easily engage with new situations or people, but simply prefer to do it one-on-one. “My five-year-old son, Ivan, loves people and social events, but gets incredibly anxious and will cling to my skirt at first. It takes him a while to ‘suss’ things out, but once he does he is the life and soul of the party,” says Ingrid, mother to Ivan and Alex (3). “Alex, in contrast, is all gung-ho when he arrives, taking part in everything, but then will hit a point – usually just as Ivan has warmed up – where it all becomes too much and he just wants to go home. Ivan is shy, and Alex is a classic introvert.”

the quiet school child Our prevailing education system teaches children – especially in primary school – based on a group model, with desks pushed to face each other, a lot of teamwork, show-and tell-style public speaking and a lot of socialising. This model is not bad in itself, it is just not ideal for the introvert, and can sometimes interfere with learning.

Neil, my husband, was shocked when our five-year-old son Finn’s teacher told us that she thought he was depressed. “She told me that almost every day, just after break

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time, he would beg to go to the book corner, his usually animated face would be drawn and he would simply lie down on the floor and not take part,” says Neil. “It turns out that the guy was just completely drained from a morning of interacting, sharing, talking, playing and trying to manage his social world. After taking the time to talk through Finn’s introverted nature, his teacher now lets him take time out in the book corner alone while the other children are outside playing, to simply gather his energy for the afternoon.”

Primary school teacher Nina de Beer agrees. “Many teachers – like parents – do not understand introversion and because the current school system is designed to value extroversion, children who do not fit that model find the school day much more trying. For me, I love to have a good mix of both extroverted and introverted children; they encourage each other to approach tasks differently. They also often make good project partners.

Introverts are often the learners who bring really interesting questions and thoughts into the classroom,” she says.

the world needs introverts “There is a word for people who spend too much time in their heads: thinkers,” says Cain.

Introverts are the thinkers. Some of the most successful partnerships and businesses are created through a synergy of the two. Steve Wosniak – a classic introvert – teamed up with the outgoing Steve Jobs to create Apple. People on the introverted end of the spectrum tend to listen more than talk, are attentive listeners, say what they mean and usually only add to a conversation when they feel they have something meaningful to offer, preferring deep discussions to small talk. They prefer doing this in a comfortable setting and on a topic they feel passionate about.

raising your introvert The key to raising – and living with – an introvert, is to respect their style of interaction and to allow time to reboot during the day. This may be as simple as not bombarding her with “How was your day?” questions on the way home from school. Instead, let her stare out of the window in silence. As your child grows out of daytime naps, make this time a “quiet time” where your child can play, be alone in her room or sit and read a book. Avoid over scheduling with extramurals or playdates, and keep playdates and birthday parties to one or two close friends.

“It is also essential to get to know yourself,” says counselling psychologist Sarah van Olst, “so that you do not place your own discomfort onto your child, and learn to accept that your child may be different to you – and that is okay.”

introversion checklist Your child may have some introverted tendencies if he or she: • has only a few close friends.

• likes to listen rather than talk, but can talk non-stop on a favourite topic.

• is happy to chat away to family or close friends but not to strangers.

• likes solitary activities, such as reading, puzzles or activities with only a few people.

• likes to spend alone time in their own room or with just one other person.

• usually watches a game or activity before joining in.

• likes creative or imaginative play.

• often gets grumpy or throws tantrums after spending a long time with lots of people.

• does not share feelings easily.

• feels humiliated after making a mistake or being reprimanded in public.

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PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

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any parents balk at the suggestion that their child may be an introvert. Why? South Africans, like most market-driven societies, believe that to be successful you need to speak up, stand out, be heard. Being gregarious is equated with being self-confident and happy. As parents, we measure our success on how likable or popular our children are – humans are social creatures, after all. So, when your child prefers to spend time alone or when his teacher tells you that he does not take part in “circle” time, even when he sits attentively and is coping well with the work set, we worry. A lot.

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October 2014

13

parenting

be a good

sport

We live in a highly competitive world, making it all the more important to help our children cope with competition, writes RUTH REHBOCK.

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y older brother was the worst sport ever. Whenever we played a game, he would cheat to win. My younger brother, however, would knock the board game into the air and scatter all the pieces whenever he was losing or had lost a game. It seems children all handle competition differently; some thrive on it while others get very anxious at having to be rated on their performance. There’s no way to avoid competitive situations. Stiff competition is everywhere, whether it’s getting into a good school or university or landing a dream job. So it’s imperative to help children deal with competition in our dynamic and complex world, to give them the skills with which they can successfully take their place in it.

Although some experts are vehemently opposed to competition among children, many insist that competition handled correctly can teach children valuable life skills. “It’s important to be able to handle competitive situations, whether you win or lose,” says educational psychologist and counsellor at a private school in Cape Town, Gill Molteno.

“Our job as parents and educators is to teach children to cope with competition by emphasising that we all have strengths and weaknesses. Getting children to rate their performance and set their own goals is more enriching than ‘winning’. Putting too much pressure on children to succeed can cause high levels of anxiety and burnout.”

Lyse Comins’ daughter, Rebekah (9), is a champion swimmer who won a cup for being the best under 10 swimmer in 2013. “Her competitive spirit seems to wax and wane, but I always tell her that what really matters is that she does her best. At her swimming club they encourage the children to set goals for themselves and to try as hard as they can. The coach has often advised parents that they must be careful that the children do not burn out, nor should we force them to participate against their will.”

Children enjoy themselves more when they take part in an activity that combines competition and cooperation among the players.

The main reason we have to help children cope with competition is that we can’t avoid it. The struggle to “win” is an integral part of life, whether it’s for attention at home or to win a swimming gala or a debate. “Researchers also say that competition is necessary, and under certain conditions can improve an individual or team performance, and their feelings of wellbeing. However, positive outcomes are more likely when the focus is on individual mastery rather than on winning,” says Melanie Hartgill, a Joburg-based educational psychologist.

Parents, psychologists and educators agree that some competitiveness is positive, as it can encourage children to excel and achieve their best, but there is a sense in which it can also be unhealthy, such as when children want to attend every extramural activity on offer simply because their friends are doing them. This can cause friction when parents have to say no.

In order to help children cope with competitive situations, parents and educators must recognise when a child is struggling with competing. “The child who is anxious about

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PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

healthy competition

how everyone else is performing and who shows signs of stress such as tearfulness, nail-biting, not sleeping or complaining of stomach aches or headaches, finds competing difficult. Often this struggle means that a child doesn’t tolerate frustration well, like many children who have ADHD/ADD,” says Molteno.

Some children are just innately competitive. “My son, Malakai (9), is very competitive,” says Cherylin Donnelly-Gomes. “When he was just two years old, the swimming teacher made them race on floating devices and he just had to win every time – if he didn’t, he would want to get out of the pool. This year we have really been trying to teach him ‘good sportsmanship’ as he gets very emotional and angry when he is bowled out in cricket, for instance. At school, he races to finish first, which means his work is untidy.”

Cherylin says they let Malakai calm down after a disappointment and when they get home, they talk about not winning. “I tell him that being a good sport is as important as winning, and I’ve given him the example of John McEnroe – all I remember about him were his tantrums, not whether he won Wimbledon or not,” she says.

win some, lose some Experts agree that children shouldn’t feel insecure or threatened by an occasional setback, nor should they receive too much sympathy. “Wait until the emotional tension or stress has decreased after a loss, otherwise you will most likely be faced with a defensive or overly emotional child,” says Hartgill. “What’s important is to help them understand that we can’t always win and a loss does not make them a failure. The goal is to do their best, because it’s their effort that is important.”

Penny Humphries says she emphasises the pleasurable aspect of competing for her son Dylan (9). “Before a competition I always tell him he must have fun and try his best. Dylan is quietly competitive. If he doesn’t come first he is disappointed but doesn’t get emotional. To take the edge off on competition days, we treat the day as if it’s just practise day; on practise days I remind him to constantly think of practise as if it were a competition.”

What we should aim for, say experts, is to involve children as much as possible in activities that encourage healthy competition. John Tauer, a US basketball coach, has found that children enjoy themselves more when they take part in an activity that combines competition and cooperation among the players. Molteno agrees. “I feel that families can promote and encourage cooperation rather than competing on an individual level,” she says. “Playing games in teams or groups at home alleviates the pressure to win, and children get to flex their competitive muscles in a safe environment.” She suggests games such as throwing a ball to one another and keeping the score as a team, rather than rating individual performance.

teach children good sportsmanship 1 Plan team games or activities in which you work to beat the clock.

2 Play games of chance such as snap or bingo and games of strategy such as chess and backgammon.

3 Teach children what’s right and wrong and how to lose, and win, graciously.

4 Coach them and encourage them to do better, but don’t push them too hard.

5 Be a good role model.

Adapted from Children and Competition by the North Carolina Cooperation Extension Service.

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15

education

have you lost your marbles?

There are some really good reasons to encourage children to play marbles.

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ask my daughter, Daniella, as I turn a turquoise and white swirled marble in my hand: “What’s this one called?”

“That’s a sea turtle.”

“And that one?”

“That’s a bumblebee.”

Then she rattles off the names of the other marbles in her hand – galaxy, snowflake, blue sky, milky, egg, dragon.

I am as intrigued by the poetic quality of the names as I am by the individual beauty of each marble. With their white swirls, aqua blue glass and speckled surfaces, each marble is like a miniature work of art.

I’m not only intrigued by my daughter’s fascination with the marbles themselves, but also with playing the game. At seven years old, no other toy or game has captivated her as profoundly as marbles.

She plays marbles at school and she plays at home with her younger brother.

She counts, sorts, admires, collects and trades them.

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I’ve also noticed how her social skills have improved since she started playing marbles. Daniella was a onefriend-child and was often reticent about playing with other children at school. The game has opened up her social world – she now plays with a wide range of

game, its history and the skills it develops in children.

No-one really knows where marbles originated as they have been found all over the world, from the ruins of Pompeii to the tombs of ancient Egypt. Marbles were played by Native Americans and the

At seven years old, no other toy or game has captivated her as profoundly as marbles. children. Her social confidence has grown and her understanding and negotiating of social rules and conventions have improved enormously.

social rules Noticing these positive changes in my child, I began asking questions about the

Romans. Early marbles were made from polished stones, clay or glass, but the mass production of clay marbles began in the US in the 1880s, with glass marbles following in the early 1900s. With millions of marbles being churned out a day, prices went down, and marble playing became a childhood institution.

Today marbles come in many different colours and designs. Standard marbles are 15 millimetres in diameter; the larger ones are about 20 millimetres, and even bigger ones are almost the size of a billiard ball.

According to early 20th-century developmental psychologist Jean Piaget, the game of marbles helps children develop a moral understanding of social conventions. Toddlers can grasp the rules of a simple game of marbles, and as children get older the rules become more sophisticated. Children themselves decide the rules of the game, such as whether or not they are playing for “keeps”. They also learn to play fairly, the importance of maintaining social relationships over winning, and to accept that sometimes you win and sometimes you lose.

The theory of Machiavellian intelligence proposes that social interaction is central to the evolution of human intelligence. Learning to work together, engaging in rule-governed

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PHOTOGRAPH: shutterstock.com

NICOLE LEVIN shares how her child has blossomed as a result.

behaviour, forming bonds and alliances, and maintaining social relationships all develop gamesmanship and Machiavellian intelligence. However, psychologists David Lancy and Annette Grove state that it is crucial that children play games and engage in activities where they can make and break their own rules, not those imposed by adults.

One of the challenges of 21st-century life is that many children are over-scheduled with adult facilitated extramurals, and also spend a great deal of time playing iPad and computer games. Without the opportunity for free play and traditional childhood games, where children are in control of the rule-making and -breaking, there is less opportunity for them to learn these Machiavellian social life skills.

the value of marbles Marbles also develop a range of practical skills. Gross motor skills are used as the player moves around to find the

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Marbles are available at toyshops for around R15–R50 a bag.

right position to hit the marble. Fine motor skills, eye tracking and hand-eye coordination help to line up the marbles, aim and roll. Mathematical skills include the appreciation of pattern and design, conservation of number (the ability to see that the number of objects doesn’t change if the objects are placed in a differently sized container), counting and sorting. Geometry skills are honed as the player calculates the angle to position him or herself to hit the marble. Negotiation skills, assigning value to different marbles, trading, strategising and considered risktaking are valuable life lessons that can be learnt from the game.

Are their negative aspects of playing marbles? They are a choking hazard for babies and toddlers, and should be kept away from them. Marbles can also be highly dangerous if thrown or catapulted, and some of the larger marbles can shatter if thrown against hard surfaces. The game can also bring out the darker side of human nature, with reports of marble theft, jealousy and underhanded rule-breaking.

However, for Herzlia Highlands Primary School in Cape Town, the game has had an overwhelmingly positive impact on playground life. The game was introduced when the Grade 3s were learning about games and pastimes, and some children

brought marbles to school. Their class started playing, and then the game literally went viral. Soon children from Grade 1 to Grade 6 were playing.

“What is most extraordinary is the way the game has crossed and broken down boundaries,” says Jenny Farrow, head of foundation phase at the school. “We see boys and girls playing together, Grade 6s with Grade 1s, and highly intelligent children playing with learning disabled children. We’ve seen socially isolated children become integrated and those who preferred to stay indoors come out into the sunshine. We’ve seen classes become more unified, and the self-esteem of children rise because everyone can play, and everyone has a place.”

Playing marbles has many psychological, social, physical and intellectual benefits that it’s really worth a trip to the toyshop to buy your child a bag. Then leave them to make their own rules and get rolling.

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17

getaway

colourful india SHAREEN SINGH journeys with her husband and nine-year-old daughter to this fascinating country for a three-week holiday.

magical mumbai Once ruled by moguls and maharajahs, colonized by the British and parts of the country becoming Pakistan after independence, India is fascinating – culturally and historically. The food is so delicious it puts South African Indian food to shame. What’s more, people are really warm and friendly and service at the hotels we stayed at was superb.

a huge arch. Diagonally across the road is the majestic Taj Palace Hotel where we had lunch. Built in 1903, the Taj is sumptuous in every way, from its interior design and East-West architecture, to its delectable feasts at high tea and lunch.

We then walked the Colaba Causeway, the main shopping street. It was packed with locals and tourists. Mira, who usually hates being in crowded spaces, did not whine.

She was in awe of this mass of humanity and fascinated to see so many brown people like her and her mother.

We stumbled upon an optometrist and Mira and Michael had their eyes tested; their prescription glasses were ready the next day. It cost a fraction of the price it would have back home.

Our next stop was Leopold Café. It’s the kind of place where intellectuals and writers hang out among tourists.

Mira had a cold falooda – made with ice cream, rose syrup, milk and floating basil seeds, which she downed with a smile while we enjoyed icy beers.

Along the way to the hotel we came across a quaint bookshop where we splurged out on Indian history, comics about Indian gods such as Shiva and Krishna, and local fiction. These kept Mira going during the long car journeys we took over the next few days. Like many things in India, books are a steal compared to South Africa, and they’re

Mumbai, once known as Bombay, is India’s biggest city with a population of more than 13 million – four times that of Joburg.

For three weeks, Mira (9), my husband Michael and I travelled to Mumbai, Rajasthan and Goa and had the time of our lives.

At 3am, Mumbai was still alive with bikers and youngsters hanging out along the coastal promenade. We arrived at the Trident Hotel overlooking the Arabian Sea to be welcomed by porters dressed in white and wearing turbans.

After a few hours of sleep and a hearty Indian breakfast, we began exploring Mumbai by foot. It was 29°C – winter weather – as we walked for 2km taking in the sounds and smells of Mumbai until we reached the iconic monument, the Gateway of India – a massive square with

printed locally. Having read a short story on Mahatma Gandhi that evening, Mira was keen to visit Mani Bhavan, the house Gandhi lived in. It was wonderful seeing our nine year old’s fascination with Gandhi’s life of activism and sacrifice, which resembles Mandela’s. Sensibly, the museum has a section with doll-like figurines to make Gandhi’s story accessible to children, which she really enjoyed.

On our last day in Mumbai we dined at Samrat, a local Thali restaurant. Mouthwatering vegetarian curries and dhals were served in small bowls on a plate. The waiters kept on replenishing the bowls and piling on more rotis and naan bread. It was hard to hold back.

regal rajasthan The next leg of our journey was in the state of Rajasthan, the traditional part of India. After an hour-long flight we arrived in Udaipur, which is often referred to as the Venice of India. It is indeed breathtaking and totally unlike the cosmopolitan Mumbai.

Perched on a hill overlooking the massive Lake Pichola was our hotel, Fateh Prakash Palace, which perfectly fitted our aesthetic. With its beautiful heritage furniture and design, although refurbished, the hotel maintains a sense of history.

The staff greeted us with big smiles and cocktails. They placed garlands of fresh marigolds around our necks and a red dot on our foreheads. We sat at the terrace restaurant watching the glorious sunset across the lake before strolling up the hill to the city palace arena. The palace, once occupied by the maharajahs, is now a museum and houses some of the most incredible artworks and relics. It’s owned by the Mewar family dynasty. They are Singhs like me, which made Mira feel as if she belonged to royalty.

The maharajahs learnt about decadence from the British and it seems that they took it to a whole new level.

After independence their powers were whittled away, but some royals such as the Mewars are still very wealthy – through trusts and businesses, and renting their palaces to hotel groups.

Every evening the royal guard parades in the city palace and Hindu prayers, called bhajans, are aired live across the arena. We spent some time in a bustling market with narrow streets ducking tuk-tuks and cows.

A big treat was watching traditional Rajasthani dancing in Bagore Ki Haveli, an 18th-century building.

Women in brightly coloured costumes danced and swirled effortlessly with stacked pots on their heads to rhythmic desert tunes.

One morning we noticed some commotion and a crowd gathering at the city palace. It was the Prince of Udaipur taking a stroll. Mira begged me to get a picture of them together. I reluctantly asked the prince and he was obliging. However, after seeing the photo Mira was not impressed. Having seen thousands of pictures of the maharajahs in royal regalia, she was disappointed because he looked “like any old guy” wearing white jeans and white-framed sunglasses.

PHOTOGRAPHS: SHAREEN SINGH AND MICHAEL MARKOVITZ

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s the cabin doors opened, my young daughter blurted out at the top of her voice, “Foef! Smells like rotten eggs!” while squeezing her nose and looking suspiciously at us and other passengers.

“That’s the stench of Mumbai. The pollution that we spoke about,” I reminded her.

We walked out of the airport into smog, humidity and the smell of burning fuels. Our throats scratched; eyes watered. Thankfully our driver, Ajay, was on time and we scurried into the car.

Mumbai, once known as Bombay, is India’s biggest city with a population of more than 13 million – four times that of Joburg. Arriving way past midnight and choking on fumes was no fun at all, but it was a small price to pay for the privilege of visiting one of the most interesting places in the world.

Top: The lakeside palaces in the city of Udaipur. Above left: A Thali platter at the Samrat restaurant in Mumbai. Above right: Amber Fort, Jaipur

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getaway

Above from left to right: The Gateway of India in Mumbai; Mira explores the Jain temple in Ranakpur; Doing block printing at the Anokhi Museum in Jaipur

On the way to Jodhpur the next day we stopped off in Ranakpur to visit a Jain Temple, not expecting much, but it was a pleasant surprise. Built in the 15th century entirely of marble, the temple is an architectural masterpiece of symmetry and intricate stone carvings. It was well worth a visit and fascinating enough to keep a nine year old interested as she walked around by herself using an electronic guide.

After a six-hour drive we arrived in Jodhpur as the colossal Mehrangarh Fort lit up and the evening call to prayer sounded out from the mosque alongside our gorgeous hotel, Raas Haveli. Tucked away like a peaceful oasis in the midst of a noisy city, the Raas, which is built entirely from local stone and designed with impeccable flair, is an impressive piece of architecture and design. Everything about this hotel, from food to service, was outstanding.

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Mehrangarh Fort, housing relics from the past, antiques and fine artworks, was also a treat.

Jodhpur is a haven for authentic Rajasthani craft, heritage furniture, fabrics and the most gorgeous antique saris. One could easily get lost here just browsing in the busy, narrow streets. It’s best to dress more conservatively here.

Our last destination in Rajasthan was Jaipur, a massive commercial city that is quite traditional. We stayed at the peaceful Jai Mahal Palace, a heritage hotel set on several acres of sprawling gardens with great facilities for children. The staff, like everywhere in India, treated us like royalty. They went beyond the call of duty to make our stay memorable. Every day the housekeeping staff had little surprises for Mira – a towel twisted to make a swan, elephant or monkey. On my birthday, I was delighted to find – courtesy of the management – a bunch

of red roses, a card and a small chocolate birthday cake in our room.

In Jaipur we visited Amber Fort where the maharajahs lived with several wives. Their opulent lifestyles are on display, from mirrored walls and ceilings to fabulous art collections and furniture. Instead of walking uphill to the fort we opted for an enjoyable elephant ride.

Before leaving, we headed to Anokhi Museum of Hand Printing, which showcases the history of India’s block printing industry. Here Mira got a chance to try her hand at block printing and she made a scarf.

After a few weeks of bustling cities and palaces, we flew to Goa, a former Portuguese colony, to relax on the beach. Instead of crowded resorts we chose to stay in an upmarket hut on a quiet beach in Agonda. We spent our days swimming, watching sunsets and feasting.

On the plane back home we vowed to visit India again.

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21

your child’s life

when nicknames turn nasty “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me...” CHRISTINA CASTLE takes a closer look at

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y father was the king of nicknames. No one escaped his wit and sense of humour. My sister was “Spider” (she had long, skinny and hairy limbs), my brother was “Ginger” (yes, he was a bit of a redhead) and I was “Chratfisty” (swing it around and you get Fat Christy).

Our boyfriends were collectively known as “Pelicans”.

Anyone in the know was a “Rooster”. My best friend Libby was “Liberace”. And my mother was “Horse” (we never quite knew why). Not always the most sensitive or appropriate choice of names, but we understood that there was no malice in his nicknaming. It was just fun dynamics of a family, good old-fashioned teasing and an opportunity to learn to perhaps not take ourselves so seriously and have a bit of a laugh.

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In the same way that nicknames breed in a family home, they fly around a playground with enormous momentum and enthusiasm as well. It is natural that children create nicknames for their friends, usually out of affection. They tease each other. Tell jokes about each other. But it’s all very well until someone gets hurt. Not everyone finds it funny. Not everyone is receptive to it.

Not everyone knows when enough is enough. That’s when the innocence of nicknaming fast-tracks to bullying. And that’s not funny at all.

Many schools take bullying very seriously. They have bullying policies in place. They educate their students from a very young age as to what bullying is, why it’s not okay, how to identify it and what to do about it when it happens.

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PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

what happens when nicknames lose their innocence.

But the point is that it does happen and it will happen. Not just at school, but in everyday contexts throughout their lives. Just as there are child bullies, there are adolescent and adult bullies as well. It’s just the context that changes – from playground to cyberspace to workplace. And the sooner our children are equipped with the skills to deal with it, the more prepared they are to identify it and negotiate their way around it in the future.

why do children name-call?

More often than not, name-calling in younger children is innocent and not intentionally malicious. They are learning what it feels like to tease, what it feels like to be teased and how to respond to it. They are learning that while teasing can be a laugh it can also be hurtful.

As the child gets older, teasing and name-calling is more intentional and therefore more hurtful. Social acceptance is critical to the older child and much teasing and name-calling is often related to the child’s need for power and peer acceptance.

Catherine Hudson had a son in Grade 3 at a single sex school in Cape Town. His group of friends had taken to calling each other girls’ names. This went on for about a week. Eventually they tired of the tease and they all went back to calling each other their correct names. All, that is, except for Catherine’s son. They all continued to call him “Daisy”. Naturally, he didn’t like this and didn’t understand why his friends were isolating him in this way. He tried to tell them to stop, but nothing changed.

“We would sit around the breakfast table every morning and try to coach him with witty retorts, but this

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just wasn’t working,” says Catherine. “We realised that these were not his words and not his natural way to respond to the situation.”

Catherine then spoke to her son’s teacher and the school psychologist, who quickly took control of the situation. After a few meetings with her son, the psychologist empowered him with a set of skills that he would take through his school life. And he dealt with the tease in a manner that was appropriate and right for him.

The name-calling stopped.

Not everyone finds it funny. Not everyone is receptive to it. Not everyone knows when enough is enough.

She also chatted to his group of friends and the grade as a whole. What transpired was fascinating. The boys in the group were devastated that what they thought was a bit of fun, was hurting their friend. They didn’t know that their actions were considered bullying. That was seven years ago and they are the firmest of friends today.

There are even differences in the name-calling and teasing between boys and girls. Boys are quick to pass comment on a perceived weakness and/or question manhood. Girls on the other hand often opt for rumourmongering, exclusion from social groups and are keen to pass comment on physical appearance.

how to deal with the situation Catherine realised her son needed the skills and understanding to put a quick end to the name-calling. As a parent she acknowledged the stress and anguish her son was feeling. It was important to validate her son’s feelings and praise him for his efforts in dealing with the situation. Parents often suggest that their child needs to toughen up, but children don’t possess the life experience or maturity to do that on their own. They need support.

Fortunately the school was able to provide prompt and positive solutions. The school psychologist encouraged the child to avoid interactions with these boys and to ignore the name-calling when it happened. His previous reaction to the name-calling was prompting his mates to continue doing it. The boys themselves were also made aware that the name-calling was not acceptable and was hurting their friend. Once they realised this, it stopped.

While this situation required minimal intervention, many name-calling situations are often far more severe and traumatic. Some stem from behaviours learnt from adults or an inability to manage emotions or aggression.

A quick fix is not a solution. Teaching children better ways to express themselves is. And that’s what parents and schools need to focus on.

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women

ocialites to soccer moms, more women are drinking today – and drinking more. There’s a sobering price to pay: around 130 people now die in South Africa each day of alcoholrelated causes, says Medical Research Council acting vice-president Prof Charles Parry, director: Alcohol and Drug Abuse Research Unit. Bathabile Dlamini, the Minister of Social Development, reports that we have one of the world’s highest average individual consumption rates of alcohol a year among drinkers, and are ranked second highest for harmful patterns of drinking, and highest for binge drinking.

Women drink for a cocktail of reasons, from escaping poverty or heartache to masking insecurities, shedding inhibitions and just “feeling good”, says Carol du Toit, director of the South African

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National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence (SANCA) Durban Alcohol and Drug Centres. And while that may be fine in moderation, it can tip into abuse.

were snapped staggering drunkenly from fashionable thrashes, while nearer home, Idols winner Karin Kortje, mother of three, appeared in court for drunk driving.

Alcohol affects women differently to men and more dangerously. Are you at risk?

By GLYNIS HORNING the drivers Studies show the social stigma that traditionally gave women a greater sense of shame about drinking and getting drunk than men has faded, and advertising and celebrity drinkers have lent alcohol acceptability and allure. Last year international model Kate Moss, 40, and actress Sadie Frost, 48, mothers of five children between them,

Du Toit attributes the rise of what’s been dubbed the “Scummy Mummy” to women’s radically altered patterns of parenting and work. Before, we settled down and started families in our 20s, stopping work for the preschool years or longer, she says. Today we’re putting off children to far later and, driven by demanding careers, barely stop for the births. Multiple roles leave us stretched

and stressed, ripe for self-indulgence and escape in alcohol. But while some women stop at one, others drift into addiction.

Disruptive or traumatic early life experiences such as divorce, desertion, physical and psychological abuse, alcoholism in the family or psychiatric illness, make you vulnerable to developing a drinking problem, says Parry. So do genetics, although research suggests they are responsible for only half of our risk for alcoholism. Environmental factors account for the rest – peers, family, availability and generally poor social conditions.

the differences Alcohol affects women differently and more dangerously than men. “Once swallowed, it passes through the digestive tract and is dispersed in the body’s water,” Du Toit explains. “The more water in the body, the

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PHOTOGRAPH: shutterstock.com

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social drinker, scummy mummy or serious alcoholic?

more diluted the alcohol. Women generally weigh less than men and have less water in their bodies, so their brain and other organs are exposed to more alcohol, and to more of the toxic by-products produced through the breakdown and elimination process.”

Women also have lower levels of certain enzymes involved in the breakdown of alcohol, and hormone fluctuations influenced by menstruation, oral contraceptives or hormone replacement therapy (HRT), which may affect alcohol metabolism. The result is that women become intoxicated after drinking less than men, and are more likely to experience adverse effects after drinking smaller amounts for fewer years.

behaviour, sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and unwanted pregnancy.

Young women are more vulnerable, says Du Toit. “Drinking before age 15 gives a higher predisposition to alcoholism than starting at 21.” They risk eczema, headaches, sleep disturbance, poor education performance and loss of friendships at a crucial life stage.

Drinking while pregnant can cause foetal alcohol syndrome (FAS), where babies are born with below average birth weight, facial abnormalities, and mental impairment that causes long-term difficulties with learning, memory and problem-solving, as well as causing behaviour problems.

the denial the dangers Alcohol raises women’s risk of breast cancer, hypertension, heart disease, ulcers, reproductive problems, osteoporosis, pancreatitis, brain damage and memory loss, as well as depression, attempted suicide and abuse of recreational drugs.

Liver damage from alcohol abuse is more severe for women than men. “They develop cirrhosis and hepatitis faster than men, and more women die from it,” says Du Toit. And even one drink a day can increase the chances of contracting breast cancer by about 20%, says Parry.

Post-menopausal women or those with a family history are especially at risk. Drinking also exposes women to accidents, sexual assault, risky sexual

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Waiting for those with alcohol problems to come to their senses and get help is usually futile, says Du Toit: “Denial is part of the disease.” It’s up to those close to them to ensure they get treatment. “They need to see a clinical psychologist or social worker in private practice or come for an informal, confidential chat with a SANCA counsellor.”

Ultimately alcoholism has three outcomes, she warns: insanity, death or recovery. “This is a progressive disease and left untreated is always fatal.”

The good news is that women are equally capable of recovery as men.

Psychotherapy, medications and self-help and support groups are all available. “The sooner they are started the better.”

take care You could be at risk of a drinking problem if you: • gulp drinks at parties.

• insist on drinks at any special event or outing.

• need drinks at certain regular intervals, however inconvenient to others.

• need drinks for your “nerves” because of a stressful day or before you can make a presentation or entertain people.

• drink when depressed to escape.

• lie about drinking or minimise it to others.

• make promises about drinking to others or yourself (“I’ll cut back tomorrow”) when your behaviour draws comments.

• use breath-fresheners and perfume to disguise the smell of alcohol.

• miss work because of drinking (especially Mondays or after holidays).

• act promiscuously as alcohol loosens inhibitions.

• become moody and unpredictable.

• have memory lapses.

• feel generally unwell.

These signs in isolation don’t necessarily indicate alcoholism, but a pattern can point to a problem. Get help. If you see them in others, contact SANCA for personalised advice on how to help them.

stop!

get help

The World Health Organization advises: • no more than two alcoholic drinks a day.

• no drinking for at least one day a week.

• no drinking if you will be driving.

• no drinking if pregnant.

• no drinking without consulting a doctor or pharmacist if you have a history of illness or if on medication.

SANCA National 086 147 2622 or (regional) 031 202 2241, 011 892 3829, 021 945 4080 or visit sancanational.org. SANCA counsellors are currently undergoing international training in programmes for women.

Alcoholics Anonymous SA They have women-specific groups in some cities. Contact: 0861 435 722 or visit aasouthafrica.org.za

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family life

golden Love and respect is all you need to nurture a grandchild, says CHRISTINA CASTLE.

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wish the boys’ grannies lived in Cape Town. There, I’ve said it – made it public. I recently let this slip to my mother-in-law and I think she took me seriously. And, I mean, really seriously.

She’s been asking about property prices in Sea Point. What have I done?

even Hermanus. Am I sounding like a spoilt brat? Really, I’m not. We families without grandparents living in the same city (FWOGLISC – I just made that up, it’s not a real acronym) have learnt to sniff out mates who are also part of the FWOGLISC network. They are fabulous and I love

Truth be told, we’ve missed out. All of us, that is. Our families are scattered. My husband’s mother is a die-hard Joburger and mine is just a regular Australian.

And our family of four is first-generation Capetonian (sort of), which basically means that when I scream “Help!” it takes at least 24 hours before one of the grannies arrives to take charge. It would be so much easier if they just lived in the next suburb. Maybe

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them as if they were family. But there is no replacing the real thing. And whether your child is seven months, seven years or 17 years old, a granny is a granny is a granny, and they certainly have their place.

The relationship between grandparent and grandchild is indeed a very special one – no matter your relationship with the grandparent. It needs time, space and respect for all involved. magazine joburg

PHOTOGRAPH: shutterstock.com

It’s not just about one-way traffic into their world. Grandchildren need to be invited, dragged and embraced into your life too.

be there

be relevant

When I say “there” I mean there in heart, spirit and Skype. I realise it’s not always physically possible to be there. While some families are fortunate enough to live in the same city and see each other regularly, many are not.

My parents have always lived on the other side of the world. It was hard for them. And it was hard for me. We would try to see each other once a year. But so much happens in a year of a child.

My parents missed the mealtimes and milestones. And I am sorry for that. No matter how small they say the world is, it’s not small enough when it comes to those special moments.

But even though grandparents are out of sight, they don’t need to be out of mind. My father was old school.

He wrote letters, postcards and even recipes to each of my boys. He told them fishing stories, what he made for dinner the previous night, ranted about the Australian cricket team selection, and always had a rude joke to tell. They understood his quirky sense of humour and character. And that was so important – especially to me. Dad passed away two years ago, but those letters are with us always.

It’s not just about being available to babysit, sing nursery rhymes and play Lego.

Grandchildren grow up and keeping that connection and building that relationship is tough, absolutely vital and so rewarding.

My mother-in-law has just taught Dylan, my 17 year old, how to reverse park. Very brave, I say, but we were deep in a game reserve and used buffalo bones, brooms and an acacia as obstacles. A herd of bemused impala kept their distance and no real damage was done. She stepped into his Dylancentric world and granny was cool with immediate effect.

But it’s not just about one-way traffic into their world. Grandchildren need to be invited, dragged and embraced into your life too. So while Dylan was burning rubber in the bush, 14-yearold Alex was building a very impressive bird count under the watchful eye of the senior driving instructor. I loved hearing both their excitement as they spotted something new.

“Spoonbill, Granny. 76.”

“It’s 75, Alex. Don’t cheat.”

“76, Granny. There’s Pied Kingfisher on the other side of the river.”

Did I mention that she taught them both to knit?

My parents missed the mealtimes and milestones, and I am sorry for that.

No matter how small they say the world is, it’s not small enough when it comes to those special moments.

New-school grandfather André has breakfast with his grandchildren twice a week despite the fact that he lives in Durban and the young ones live in Toronto. Every Wednesday and Sunday they set up a Skype breakfast and sit around the cyber table – no matter the time zone difference.

be open We are a demanding bunch with demanding lives. We demand a lot from our children, their schools, their childminders and, of course, their grandparents.

We know you grannies have lives too, but sometimes we just need to be reminded. One granny I know is 71, starts work at 7am and finishes at 3pm, collects her grandchildren from school each afternoon and cares for them until her daughter walks through the door at 6pm. This granny is a Godsend – and maybe a bit of a doormat. Grandparents, if it doesn’t work for you, you have to speak up. Mark your territory and let your children know when it’s just not going to work for you. magazine joburg

follow the rules Ok, so this is where things can sometimes become unstuck. And they certainly have with us – from both sides of the family and the world. While I am not about to air our dirty laundry, I am going to out one granny I know who feeds her vegetarian grandson biltong. It’s like feeding bones to the hyena in the game reserve. You just don’t do it no matter how much you want to. No matter how good that biltong tastes.

We all have our parenting styles and what works for a grandparent may not necessarily work for their child’s family.

At the end of the day, they call the shots.

This may require a lot of tongue biting and restraint. You just have to suck it up and respect it. Don’t rock the boat.

Your mountain of child-rearing expertise is certainly acknowledged. But don’t take over. Respect the rules. Be gentle in your approach.

I’ve just spotted an ad for a great twobedroom flat in Sea Point. I will forward it to my mother-in-law. Dylan needs a few more driving lessons, after all.

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resource

condition(al) support We’ve summed up 10 common childhood conditions based on the general queries we

e

very family has its challenges, but life can be harder than we know for some children and their parents. A child may struggle with a learning difficulty or be teased at school because of their weight. Other children feel anxious, depressed or defiant.

Neurological conditions and diseases also confront families, but there is help for children and their parents. Here are some support options that may work for your family.

adhd and add Attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and attention deficit disorder (ADD) are both characterised by a lack of attention. ADHD also includes hyperactivity and impulsive behaviour. Adhasa notes that

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between 8% and 10% of South Africans have either ADD or ADHD. Children with this condition often fidget, talk a lot, become easily distracted, and have trouble listening and staying focused. While many children behave like this at some point, those with ADD or ADHD exhibit these behaviours for longer, which interferes with a child’s social, academic and home life.

National support • Adhasa – Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Support Group of Southern Africa. Contact: 011 888 7655, info@adhasa.co.za or visit adhasa.co.za

anxiety disorders While everyone experiences some anxiety, those with anxiety disorders experience

excessive distress, fear or panic, which can be so intense that it interferes with their ability to function in everyday situations. The South African Stress and Health Study (2009) found that over 15% of South Africans experience some type of anxiety disorder. These include phobias, post-traumatic stress disorder, or panic disorders where people suddenly experience feelings of terror. Generalised anxiety disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder and social anxiety disorder (when people are overly worried about interacting in social settings), are other forms of anxiety disorders.

National support • Sadag – The South African Depression and Anxiety Group. Visit sadag.org

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PHOTOGRAPHS: shutterstock.com

receive at Child magazine, and found places that offer support. By TAMLYN VINCENT

autism spectrum disorders (ASDs)

diabetes This disease affects the way the body uses glucose, causing blood sugar levels to be higher than normal. There are two main types of diabetes. Type 1 diabetes occurs when the pancreas stops producing insulin, usually in children and young adults.

The insulin then needs to be replaced in the body, using injections, which can be scary for children and parents. Type 2 diabetes occurs when the pancreas stops producing enough insulin or the insulin doesn’t work properly. This type was previously more common in adults over 40, but with lifestyle changes it is becoming increasingly common in children.

This is an umbrella term for those experiencing some form of autism. While there is a wide variation of symptoms for ASDs, they commonly affect social skills, communication and behaviour. The main childhood-onset disorders that fall within the ASD are Asperger’s syndrome (AS), pervasive developmental disorder, not otherwise specified (PDD-NOS), childhood disintegrative disorder and autistic disorder or classic autism. Classic autism is the most severe, but most people on the spectrum have milder autism disorders, such as AS. According to the Association for Autism, current worldwide statistics suggest that one in every 100 children is diagnosed with ASD. National support • ASA – Autism South Africa. Contact: 011 484 9909, info@autismsouthafrica. org or visit aut2know.co.za Joburg • Autism Parent Network. Contact: 082 550 2355 or autismparentnetwork@ gmail.com • ASD Parents’ Support Group Gauteng.

Find them on Facebook.

behaviour disorders It is normal for children to sometimes behave badly by defying their parents or

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National support • Diabetes South Africa. Contact: 086 111 3913, national@diabetessa.org.za or visit diabetessa.co.za being naughty. But children with behaviour disorders act out more frequently, and their behaviour can affect school and home life as well as social relationships.

Children with oppositional defiant disorder are typically quick to anger, defy figures of authority and deliberately annoy others.

Conduct disorder sometimes comes later and is characterised by more aggressive or even criminal behaviour.

Children with a behaviour disorder may be acting out because of stress in their lives, family conflict or substance abuse in the home.

National support • Anger and Stress Management Centre (programmes run on a one-on-one basis; call to confirm if they see children).

Contact Cape Town: 021 554 3661, Joburg: 083 309 1154, Durban south: 083 997 7602, Durban North: 079 943 2093 or Pretoria: 012 348 4098, info@ angerstress.com or visit angerstress.com Joburg • The Family Life Centre (for anger management group therapy). Contact: 011 788 4784/5 or visit familylife.co.za

Pretoria • DIY Pretoria (Diabetes in the Youth).

Contact: pretoriadiabetes@hotmail.com or find them on Facebook.

learning disorders Someone with a learning disorder has difficulty reading, writing, spelling, working with numbers, or organising or processing information. Learning disorders cannot be cured, but with sufficient support children can learn how to cope. Dyslexia is when someone has difficulty recognising or

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resource decoding writing. Those with dyscalculia struggle with numbers and symbols.

Dysgraphia is a writing disability. Auditory and visual processing disorders mean that children have trouble interpreting information, and people with nonverbal learning disabilities struggle to read nonverbal language cues.

National support • SAALED – The South African Association for Learning and Educational Differences (workshops and talks available). Contact: 011 325 2406, membership@saaled.org.za or visit saaled.org.za

mood disorders Mood disorders such as depression and bipolar disorders are marked by intense bad moods that last for long periods of time. With depression people experience sadness, pessimism and worthlessness, while mania is characterised by extreme happiness, euphoria or enthusiasm. In bipolar disorder, people swing between these two poles. The South African Stress and Health Study (2009) noted that almost 10% of South Africans will experience a mood disorder at some point in their life.

National support • Bipolar Kids and Teens South Africa (online info, with a WhatsApp support group). Contact: bpkidssa@mweb. co.za or visit bpkidssouthafrica.co.za

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• Sadag – The South African Depression and Anxiety Group. Visit sadag.org • South African Bipolar Site. Visit bipolar.co.za Joburg • SABDA – Schizophrenia and Bipolar Disorders Alliance. Contact: 011 326 0661, info@supportsabda.co.za or visit supportsabda.co.za

obesity

sleep disorders

Obesity is becoming increasingly prevalent in children as a result of lifestyle factors such as a lack of exercise and poor nutrition.

Obesity is usually diagnosed by measuring body mass index (BMI), which uses height and weight to measure a person’s body fat.

This measurement is not always accurate and can be misleading, especially when a child is having a growth spurt, but it is an indicator that there may be a problem and can help your doctor decide whether further tests are needed. Obesity can also lead to health problems such as diabetes and heart disease, and social problems such as being bullied or low self-esteem.

There are a variety of disorders that cause sleep disturbances. Sleep apnoea occurs when children have difficulty breathing during sleep. Restless leg syndrome (the urge to move your legs) and insomnia (difficulty in falling or staying asleep), are other sleep disorders. Arousal disorders include sleep walking and talking, and night terrors. Children may also experience bedwetting or nocturnal enuresis. Children usually grow out of bedwetting by six or seven years old.

National support • Overeaters Anonymous. Contact: 011 640 2901, OA_SA@overeatersanonymous. org.za or visit oa.org.za • Eating Disorders Anonymous (for online meetings or to find one in South Africa).

Visit eatingdisordersanonymous.org

National support • Sleep Medicine (provides info, resources and assistance for dealing with sleep disorders). Visit sleepmedicine.co.za

fluency, pitch or quality. Some speech disorders that children may face include stuttering, a disorder that affects the fluency of speech, and articulation disorders, when words or sounds are substituted, left out or added into speech. Lisps are a type of substitution. There are a variety of conditions that affect speech, such as brain injury, hearing loss, physical disabilities or neurological disorders. Aphasia, dysarthria and apraxia are disorders associated with brain disorders or injury. Depending on the cause of the speech disorder, you may want to look for a support group that addresses the specific issue.

speech disorders

National support • Speak Easy (for people who stutter).

Contact: info@speakeasy.org.za or visit speakeasy.org.za

Someone who has difficulty communicating through speech may have a speech disorder.

These disorders interfere with certain aspects of speech such as pronunciation,

For brain injury Joburg • Headway. Visit headway.org.za

magazine joburg

reader’s blog

celebrating life

PHOTOGRAPH: shutterstock.com

w

LAUREN SCHOEMAN shares the joy of being a mom to a child with Down’s syndrome.

hen my son Nicholas was born with Down’s syndrome, it was a huge shock. I hadn’t ticked any of the boxes – I was 32 when I fell pregnant, my 12-week blood test for Down’s syndrome screening was clear and the nuchal fold was within normal range. No-one chooses to have a special needs child. I didn’t have a choice in the matter, but I’m glad I didn’t. My little boy is just amazing. I’m so grateful every day that he’s in our lives and I’m very privileged to be his mom. I know that Nicholas is going to make a difference in the world. He has already changed so many people’s perceptions of what it means to be “normal”. His two older brothers (aged six and four years old) are absolutely besotted with him and he, in turn, just lights up when they’re around. I know that his brothers are going to grow up to be caring, compassionate men as a result.

I’m not saying that having a Down’s syndrome child isn’t without challenges. Nicholas can’t be cured of his intellectual disability. But with early intervention, lots of love and encouragement, all Down’s syndrome children can achieve their full potential. Every milestone needs to be acknowledged and celebrated.

The Down’s syndrome community that I’ve come to know is a very welcoming, embracing family. Parents are

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so supportive and their words of encouragement can come from the other side of the world. Ask any parent of a Down’s syndrome child if their young one brings them joy and the answer will always be yes. Ask them if they regret having the child in their life and as a member of their family, and the answer will always be no.

As I’ve already mentioned, I didn’t have a choice in the matter, but many expectant parents find out the diagnosis halfway through their pregnancy. Sadly, it’s almost expected that they’ll choose to terminate, and this is often the advice of their doctor. Possibly due to fear of the unknown or a lack of knowledge, these parents decide not to keep the baby. Everyone has a right to choose, but expectant parents need to know that a Down’s syndrome diagnosis is NOT a death sentence. These children can grow up to be happy, self-sufficient adults who live long, fulfilling lives. They are an asset to society and should be included, just like everyone else. Thankfully, the days are over where they are automatically institutionalised, labelled as hopeless and never thought of again. There is a huge drive to incorporate Down’s syndrome children into mainstream schools. With the correct guidance, it’s proving to be successful.

Readers, this is your column – it’s a space to air your views, share a valuable parenting lesson, vent your frustrations or celebrate your joys. Send your writing to features@childmag.co.za

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books

a good read for toddlers Maisy Goes to the Cinema

By Lucy Cousins

first nces experie

(Published by Walker Books, R158) There is a thrilling new movie showing, featuring a huge movie star, with lots of popcorn and snacks, and toilet breaks. Maisy and her friends are going to the cinema for the first time. They are off to see the latest adventure movie, Hero in the Jungle. Eddie’s favourite movie star, Troy T Tiger, is starring and he can barely contain his excitement. In fact, he gets so excited that he shouts at the screen. “Shhhhhhh...” hiss the other moviegoers.

“Don’t you know you can’t shout in the cinema, Eddie?” Seating arrangements, the dark cinema, popcorn spills and a nail-biting, hide-behind-your-hands moment... this is everything a first cinema trip is about. Little ones from the age of three will thoroughly enjoy this exciting tale.

Too Noisy!

By Malachy Doyle and Ed Vere

Buggy Buddies: London Taxi

By Marion Billet

(Published by Walker Books, R143) This is a heart-warming, read-aloud comedy for children from the age of three years old.

The story is about a very noisy family and a very quiet middle child, who just wants some peace. The Bungles are a noisy bunch and Sam, the middle Bungle, is desperate to escape his booming, banging family. So, he wanders off into the woods for some peace and quiet. Deeper and deeper he goes, until... What’s that climbing up his trouser leg? He’s lost and cold and scared, and misses his own Bungle tribe.

But wait... he can hear something: who could it be? It’s his family all a-banging and squawking. Sam realises that quiet may be good, but being noisy is just as good sometimes, especially when you’re lost.

(Published by Campbell Books, R99) Join two children on a taxi ride around London. What can you see out of the window? Play “I spy” with your toddler while reading this wipe-clean board book – a damp cloth will take care of any spills and messes. Children from as young as one year old can develop a love for reading while travelling in their buggy. Thanks to its handy, clip-on strap, you can attach the book to most things. Beautifully illustrated, this buggy buddy has bold, bright images of iconic London landmarks – ideal for babies on the move. The illustrator studied children’s book illustration at the Emile Cohl School in France and she is widely published – around 80 of her children’s books have been published in 11 different countries.

for preschoolers My Forever Friend

By Jeremy Daniel and Olivia Villet (Published by Tafelberg, R130) Copia is Mimi’s reflection in the bathroom mirror and they are best friends. In this easy reader we get to know Copia and Mimi through five stories: in the first they move from their flat into a house; then Mimi goes to her new school; the family also goes camping together and Mimi is convinced Copia hasn’t come along. In the fourth story, Dad takes them to the funfair, and in the fifth Mimi makes a real friend, Yoli. The development of selfimage and social skills is very important in the foundation phase, and Mimi’s story will help young readers through this stage. This book can be used as a beginner reader or for reading to those who are not reading on their own yet.

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for preschoolers Don’t Touch my Privates! – For Girls/Boys

By NT Lenyai and Tania Summers (Published by Ori Productions, R120) This book is to help people who work with children aged three to 10 years old to take the initiative of teaching them about sexual abuse and proper physical interaction between children and adults and among children themselves. It is best read to and with children. There are a few highlighted notes in the book that encourage active participation by the reader and the child. It is written and illustrated in a nonthreatening manner, which is child-friendly and easy to understand and can be read on a one-on-one basis or to groups of children. The book empowers them with information about how far people are allowed to get into their personal space and how to create boundaries between themselves, their bodies and other people’s bodies. To order and for more info visit donttouchmyprivates.com

for early graders Tortoise Trouble

By Joan Lingard

facing change

(Published by Catnip Publishing, R115) This is a story about making friends in unexpected places, told by an author with a rare and warm insight into how people behave. Robbie’s father lost his job because the farmer he’d worked for had sold up and the new owner had cut down on staff. Now Robbie and his family have to leave their cottage in the glen and move from the countryside to an apartment in the city, but Robbie doesn’t want to leave his home. He thinks he’ll never settle into his new school, but when a class project means he gets to write about his pet tortoise, Herman, he starts to make new friends. And that’s when the trouble starts. Herman goes missing and suddenly everyone is a suspect.

Wild Africa Tamed

By Trevor Webster and Henry Myers (Published by Olympia Publishers, R153) We all know that lions are fierce animals, but do you know which animals pose a threat to them in the wild or which have stronger jaws? Do you know which wild animal is the biggest threat to people or which are most threatened by humans?

The answers to these questions and many other insights into Africa’s wildlife can be found in this book, which gives a close-up of 70 African animals and birds through the medium of nonsense poetry and cartoons. The book is aimed at children, but adults will also learn a lot from it.

The author is a journalist and compulsive traveller who has spent a month in South Africa every year for the past 20 years to observe its wildlife. magazine joburg

The Little Nut Tree

By Sally Gardner (Published by Orion Books, R96) This is a new early reader edition of Carnegie Medal-winner Sally Gardner, based on a favourite nursery rhyme. Early readers are stepping-stones from picture books to reading books. A blue early reader, such as this one, is perfect for sharing and reading together. When your child feels more confident, a red early reader is the next step on your child’s reading journey.

Other books available in the blue series include Moody Margaret’s Makeover, The Three Little Pirates, Miranda the Explorer, Shumba’s Big Adventure and many more.

In this well-known tale, a young girl gets a little nut tree for her birthday. It is a very special tree and everyone wants to see it, even a horrid little princess who wants the tree all for herself.

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books

for preteens and teens

for us

Penelope Crumb Never Forgets

By Shawn K Stout (Published by Quercus, R76) Patsy Cline is becoming best friends with another girl and it looks like Penelope is going to lose her to Vera Bogg. So Penelope starts a secret museum full of things that remind her of the people she loves, in case she loses them too. Lizzie Maple, who loves adventure, is on board to help. But other people seem to think “taking their things for a museum” is the same as “stealing”, and Penelope is suddenly in a lot of trouble. Can Penelope win back Patsy? And can she figure out a way to create her memory museum without stealing things? Children will love this quirky new character, and even those as young as eight years old will be able to associate with Penelope Crumb.

All the Wrong Questions: When Did You See Her Last?

By Lemony Snicket

who? what? where? when?

(Published by Egmont Children’s Books, R167) This is book two in the highly anticipated new series from Lemony Snicket. In the follow up to Who Could That Be at This Hour?, in the fading town of Stain’d-bythe-Sea, young apprentice Lemony Snicket has a new case to solve when he is hired to find a missing girl. Is the girl a runaway? Has anyone seen her? Why aren’t her parents upset? What do a chemistry experiment, a grocery store and a stolen statue have to do with anything? Was she last seen at the grocery store? Or could she have stopped at the diner? Is it really any of your business? Are these the wrong questions or not? You’re supposed to be thinking about the missing girl.

Where is she?

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Rage of the Rhino and Claws of the Crocodile

By Bear Grylls

Until I Say Good-Bye

By Susan Spencer-Wendel with Bret Witter

(Published by Random House Struik, R153 each) Boys between the ages of nine and 11 will especially love these stories, written by one of the world’s best-known adventurers. In Rage of the Rhino, young adventurer Beck Granger is invited to South Africa by an old friend of his parents to help out on a project to prevent rhino poaching. But when he arrives all is not as it seems, and Beck is caught up in something more dangerous than anything he’s survived before. In Claws of the Crocodile, when Granger follows a mysterious clue to the town of Broome in Northern Australia, it is just the beginning of an adventure that will force him into some of his toughest survival challenges yet as he ventures into the heart of the Outback.

(Published by Harperluxe, R342) In June 2011, Susan Spencer-Wendel learnt she had amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS), an irreversible condition that destroys the nerves that power the muscles. She was 44 years old, with a devoted husband and three young children, and she had only one year of health remaining. She decided to spend that year with her family and friends.

As her health declined, she took seven trips with the seven most important people in her life. She swam with dolphins with her sons and went to New York with her daughter.

From the parking lot where she cried after her diagnosis to hot springs near the Arctic Circle, from a hilarious family Christmas disaster to a monastery in Cyprus, this is Spencer-Wendel’s unforgettable gift to her loved ones.

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for us

parenting books

8115 – A Prisoner’s Home

By Alf Kumalo and Zukiswa Wanner (Published by Penguin SA, R176) In Long Walk to Freedom, Nelson Mandela describes his house at 8115 Vilikazi Street, Soweto, as identical to hundreds of others. Little did he know that it would become the stage for some of the most important political events in South Africa’s turbulent history and a landmark visited by thousands of tourists every year. Renowned photographer and close family friend Alf Kumalo captured the day-to-day life of the Mandelas – the raids by the security police and intimate family moments, as well as Mandela’s return to his home after his release from prison in 1990, 28 years after he had left it. Using this unassuming house as the setting, the book collects some of Kumalo’s most historically important images of the Mandela family and their home.

The Long Ride Home

By Rupert Isaacson

(Published by Penguin SA, R149) Rowan came back from the shamans in Mongolia a changed boy. The three most debilitating effects of his autism – his incontinence, his endless tantrums and his inability to make friends – were gone. But a year almost to the day since Rowan’s improvement, he started regressing: the accidents and tantrums reappeared, terrifying his father Rupert.

Something had to be done. Father and son embarked on a new quest, journeying from visiting the Bushmen of Namibia to the rainforests of Queensland, Australia and finally to the Navajo reservations of the American southwest, where Rowan was transformed – they had begun another long ride home. This is a story of incredible love and adventure that would test their courage and change their lives, and those of the families who joined them.

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d

ire be insp

keep it l natura

New Hope for ADHD: in Children and Adults; A Practical Guide

By Helena Bester (Published by NB Publishers, R199) Helena Bester, a leading expert on ADHD in South Africa, shares some success stories from the thousands of ADHD sufferers who have crossed her path. In a conversational tone, illustrated with case studies, she shares the latest treatment options, from physical therapies to relaxation techniques, diet and new medications.

One of the new alternative treatments she discusses is neurofeedback therapy. It is used for all forms of ADHD. Although less common, it’s also used successfully in the treatment of anxiety disorders, insomnia, depression, epilepsy, brain injuries, autism and addiction. The author also provides guidance on how to handle ADHD children in the classroom and how to deal with the Department of Education.

Tissue Salts for Children

By Margaret Roberts (Published by Struik Nature, R108) The 12 key tissue salts are minerals that should be present in our bodies in perfect balance to ensure optimal health. These salts are found in the earth’s rocks and soil, and in food grown organically in mineral-rich soil. In this book, Roberts focuses on using tissue salts to enhance the development and wellbeing of children, from infancy to the teenage years. A chapter is devoted to each tissue salt, with tips on treating specific ailments and advice on increasing the intake of the salts by means of a diet.

This is an indispensable guide for anyone interested in health, wellness and using natural remedies.

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calendar

what’s on in october

You can also access the calendar online at

childmag.co.za

Your guide for what to do, where to go and who to see.

Compiled by SIMONE JEFFERY

26

FUN FOR CHILDREN – p38

ONLY FOR PARENTS – p41

War Horse A powerful tale of courage, loyalty and friendship.

Stellenbosch at Summer Place An extravaganza toasting South Africa’s pioneering wine route.

bump, baby & tot in tow – p42

how to help – p43

Yoga for moms and babes A special play time for curious little ones.

The Grace Factory Help them with survival packs for new moms unable to afford basic baby care essentials.

SPECIAL EVENTS – p37 Avon Justine iThemba Walkathon Strut your stuff and help raise awareness of breast cancer.

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October 2014

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PHOTOGRAPHS: shutterstock.com

sun

Ends 12 October. Time: 10am–6pm Friday, 9am–6pm Saturday, 10am–4pm Sunday.

Venue: Coca-Cola Dome, North Riding.

Cost: day ticket R80, weekend ticket R150, children under 6 years old free. For more info: visit rageexpo.co.za

SPECIAL EVENTS 2 thursday The Old Crawfordian Society Gauteng Meet up with old classmates and staff and find out what the society plans. Booking essential. Time: 6:30pm. Venue: Midrand.

Cost: free entry. Contact: 0860 schools (724 6657) or info@oldcrawfordians.com

11 saturday

12

3 friday Cansa Relay for Life An overnight team event to honour those who have been touched by cancer. Teams consist of 10–15 participants, and at least one team member walks around the track at all times for 12 hours. There is a children’s section with childminders and entertainment. Also 4 October. Time: 6pm–6am. Venue: Alberton Rugby Club, Braun Ave, Verwoerd Park.

Cost: adults R100, children under 12 R50, cancer survivors free. Contact: 083 400 3223, penny@wesplastics.co.za or visit relayforlife.org.za Open day at Auckland Park Preparatory School (APPS) Join this independent girls’ school in celebrating its 93rd birthday with a flower festival and a tour of the school. APPS is for learners from Grade 0–7. Time: 10am–12pm.

Venue: 59 Twickenham Ave, Auckland Park.

Cost: free. Contact: 011 482 3697 or visit apps.co.za Popup Cinema Take blankets, chairs and picnic baskets and enjoy an outdoor screening of Grease on the lawn. Snacks are on sale. 31 October: The Addams Family.

Time: 7:30pm (depending on the sunset).

Venue: Rietvlei Zoo Farm, Swartkoppies Rd, Alberton. Cost: adults R65, children 3–12 years old R35, children under 3 years old free. Contact: info@popupcinema.co.za or visit popupcinema.co.za

4 saturday Artists Under the Sun An outdoor exhibition of fine art and sculpture. Also 5 October. Time: 9am–4:30pm. Venue: Zoo Lake, Saxonwold. Cost: free. Contact: 011 432 1482 or visit artistsunderthesun.co.za Cooper’s Cave picnic and tour Join a palaeoanthropologist for a tour of the cave and an interactive talk. Booking essential.

Time: 9am. Venue: Sterkfontein Caves, Cradle of Humankind. Cost: R150–R375, including tour and picnic lunch. Contact: 014 577 9000 or visit maropeng.co.za Open day at Playground Café Children make pizza, decorate cakes and enjoy snacks.

There is a jumping castle, craft activities and face painters. Time: 9am–12pm.

Venue: 185 Beyers Naudé Dr, Honeydew.

Cost: R150. Contact: kim@playgroundcafe. co.za or visit playgroundcafe.co.za Pets Day celebration Enjoy a 4km dog walk, Ronnie May’s Magic Dog Show, a yorkie show, pet accessory stalls, food stalls and more. Charities and rescue centres attend for donations of toys, blankets and pet food. Time: 7am–12pm. Venue: Goldfields Kennel Club, 45 Boeing Rd West, Bedfordview. Cost: R30 per person, R10 per pet. Tickets can be bought at the gate or through Computicket. Contact: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.co.za magazine joburg

sun

National Bandana Day Buy a bandana from Pick n Pay or your local Round Table and show your support for The Sunflower Fund and patients suffering from leukaemia and other blood-related diseases. Cost: R25. For more info: visit sunflowerfund.org.za

Nocturnal scorpions and spiders Join conservationist Jonathan Leeming as he heads off into the reserve in search of scorpions and spiders. Booking essential.

Time: 6:30pm–8:30pm. Venue: Kloofendal Nature Reserve, cnr Galena Ave and Veronica St, Kloofendal, Roodepoort. Cost: R50–R70. Contact: 079 693 5608 or visit kloofendalfriends.org.za Social butterfly Purchase your R20 temporary butterfly tattoo in support of World Hospice and Palliative Care Day. Tattoos are available at various Primi Piatti outlets nationwide and from your nearest hospice. For more info: visit hpca.co.za

12 sunday Pick n Pay Women’s Walk A 5km walk in aid of the PinkDrive. Also 11 October. Time: 8am. Venue: 4 October: St Catherine’s School, 31 Piercy Ave, Germiston, 11 October: FNB Stadium, Nasrec. Cost: R20–R40. For more info: visit picknpay.co.za/womenswalk Upper Houghton heritage weekend Wander through nine established gardens with the help of a detailed map. Also 5 October. Time: 10am–5pm. Venue: 36 St Patricks Rd, Houghton. Cost: R50, children under 12 free. Contact: 082 689 0930 or visit gardensofthegoldencity.co.za

5 sunday Chess tournament For children 7–13 years old. Time: registration 9:30am, tournament 10am–1pm. Venue: Killarney Mall, 60 Riviera Rd, Killarney. Cost: R50. Contact: 061 034 2885 or visit goforchessnow.com The Hope Hike A 3km, 5km and 10km trail to raise awareness of depression and anxiety.

Funds go towards research. Time: registration 8am–10am, hike 10am. Venue: Van Gaalen Kaasmakerij, R512, Skeerpoort. Cost: 3km R30, 5km R50, 10km R75, children under 12 free. For more info: visit iqela-events.co.za

6 monday Poplar Academy open day The school opens for prospective parents of Grade 1 and Grade R learners. Grade 7 open day: 11 October. Time: 8am–12:30pm. Venue: 39 Whisken Ave, Crowthorne, Midrand.

Cost: free. Contact: 082 655 0723 or visit poplaracademy.co.za

8 wednesday Mobile zoo Creatures from the Joburg Zoo visit the library. Time: 10am–12pm.

Venue: Weltevreden Park Library, cnr Moss Rd and Fern St, Weltevreden. Cost: free.

Contact: 011 679 3406

10 friday Rage Expo A three-day gaming and technology exhibition with hands-on game demos, the latest technology, a cosplay competition and gaming culture favourites.

Castle Gorge Join the Johannesburg Hiking Club for a gentle yet challenging hike. Suitable for 8 years and older. Time: 7:45am–4pm. Venue: meet outside the Gateview House, Constantia Office Park.

Cost: adults R40, children free. Contact: 078 885 6505 or visit jhbhiking.co.za Garden of St Christopher Visit this beautiful Italianate garden. Tickets are available at the gate. Time: 10am–5:30pm.

Venue: 100 9th Rd, Hyde Park. Cost: R50.

Contact: 083 309 7949, prue@jte.co.za or visit gardenofstchristopher.com Spar Women’s Race A 5km or 10km road race for women. Men are welcome but aren’t eligible to win prizes and must dress in drag. 5km: 9 years and older, 10km: 15 years and older. Time: 8am. Venue: Wanderers Club, 21 North St, Illovo. Cost: R70. For more info: visit ladiesrace.co.za

15 wednesday Global Handwashing Day The day highlights the importance of washing your hands with soap to prevent the transmission of germs. For more info: visit globalhandwashing.org

17 friday Momentum One-day Cup Watch as the Highveld Lions take on the Titans during a one-day cricket match. Time: 3pm–8pm. Venue: Wanderers Stadium, Illovo, Sandton. Cost: R50–R100. Contact: 011 340 1500, gcbgeneral@cricket.co.za or visit wanderers.co.za

18 saturday Crawford Cares night run A 5km night run/walk followed by a concert on the field, featuring Locnville. All proceeds go to the PinkDrive. Time: race starts 7pm, concert starts 8pm. Venue: Crawford College Lonehill, Lonehill Boulevard, Sandton.

Cost: R130–R150. Contact: 0860 schools (724 6657) or visit crawfordschools.co.za Gardens of the Golden City: Tembani Also 19 October. Time: 10am–5pm.

Venue: 42 8th St, Lower Houghton. Cost: R20. Contact: 083 267 1661 or visit gardensofthegoldencity.co.za Houghton Estate Nursery School open day For children 3 months–5 years old.

Time: 9am–12pm. Venue: 58 St Johns Rd, Houghton Estate. Cost: free. Contact: 011 487 3129, 082 052 8381, nurseryschool@ hefc.co.za or visit hefc.co.za

23 thursday Nakekela Montessori open day For parents of children 18 months–6 years old. Time: 8am–12pm. Venue: Nakekela Montessori, 2 Elizabeth Ave, Rivonia.

Cost: free. Contact: 011 803 8116, info@nakekelamontessori.co.za or visit nakekelamontessori.co.za

24 friday Aria! Opera for Everyone Soloists are accompanied by a narrator who informs the audience of the stories behind each operatic piece. 24 October. Time: 8pm.

Venue: Roodepoort Theatre, 100 Christiaan De Wet Rd, Florida Park. Cost: R120. Book through the Joburg Theatre: 0861 670 670 or visit roodepoorttheatre.com Open day at Bryanston Pre-primary For parents of children 2 years old–Grade 00. Time: 9am–2pm. Venue: 200 Bryanston Dr, Bryanston. Cost: free. Contact: 011 463 4763, bryanstonpreprimary@ananzi.co.za or visit bryanstonpreprimary.co.za Baba Indaba An expo of products, new ideas and advice from experts in the baby business. Pregnant moms-to-be and new moms can find all they need while children are kept busy with live entertainment. Ends 26 October. Time: 9:30am–5pm. Venue: Sandton Convention Centre, 161 Maude St, Sandton. Cost: adults R60, children R20, children under 6 free. For more info: visit babaindaba.co.za Hug a Bug Nursery School open day This nursery school caters to children from birth–6 years old. Time: 9am–5pm. Venue: 59 End Rd, Linden Ext, Randburg. Cost: free. Contact: 011 782 4809, hugabug@ mweb.co.za or visit hugabug.co.za

Jelli clearance sale Take advantage of their clearance sale and pick up European designer children’s clothing at incredible prices. Time: 9am–5pm Monday–Friday, 9am–4pm Saturday. Venue: Jelli, Hutton Court, 271 Jan Smuts Ave, Hyde Park.

Cost: varies. Contact: 011 447 4744 or visit jelli.co.za

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calendar 6pm, starts at 7:30pm. Venue: Bryanston Country Club, 63 Bryanston Dr, Sandton.

Cost: R150–R170. Contact: 073 188 9631 or visit entrytime.com

30 thursday

24 October – Open day at

Photo and Film Expo Compare, touch and demo more than 400 photographic brands. Ends 2 November. Time: 9am–6pm.

Venue: Coca-Cola Dome, North Riding. Cost: adults R100, pensioners and children under 16 R50, four-day pass R200. For more info: visit photofilmexpo.com

Bryanston Pre-primary

25 saturday Africa Cycle Fair Ends 26 October. Time: 9am–5pm Saturday, 9am–4pm Sunday.

Venue: Nirox Foundation Sculpture Park, 24 Kromdraai Rd, Cradle of Humankind.

Cost: R70, children under 12 free. For more info: visit africacyclefair.com Butterflies in the garden Walk through the gardens with butterfly enthusiast Grant Egan. Time: 9am. Venue: main entrance, Walter Sisulu National Botanical Garden, Malcolm Rd, Poortview, Roodepoort. Cost: members R15–R30, nonmembers R30–R60, children under 2 years old free. Contact: 083 793 3019 or botsocevents@gmail.com Irene Steam Shuttle Enjoy the relaxing steam train trip to Irene. The trip takes about one hour. Time: 9:30am–3:30pm.

Venue: departs from the Rhodesfield PRASA Station, Kempton Park. Cost: R50– R240. Contact: 011 875 2354 or visit reefsteamers.com Zombie Run Register as a runner and navigate through 5km of zombie-infested land, or register as a zombie and try to “grab” as many runners as possible. Proceeds go towards FreeMe, a rehabilitation centre for indigenous wildlife. Time: 9am–4pm. Venue: PWC Cycle Park, Libertas Rd, Bryanston.

Cost: adults R150–R300, children R75. Book through Quicket: 021 424 9308 or visit Facebook: Zombie Run South Africa

26 sunday Avon Justine iThemba Walkathon Help raise awareness of breast cancer. There is a 5km or 8km route, live entertainment, face painters, jumping castles, food stalls and a children’s trot. Dogs can take part in the 5km route. Preregister by 12 October.

Time: 8am. Venue: Marks Park Sports Club, Emmarentia. Cost: adults R95, children under 12 R75, children under 2 free. For more info: visit ithembawalkathon.co.za World Animal Day fun run Join The Society for Animals in Distress for a 2,5km or 5km fun run or walk. All ages and socialised dogs on leads are welcome. Preregistration is encouraged. Time: 8am. Venue: The Paddocks, plot 20 Moerdyk St, Vorna Valley.

Cost: R50–R60. Contact: 083 640 8824 or fundraiser@animalsindistress.org.za

28 tuesday Halloween night trail run Dress up in Halloween costumes and take part in a 4km or 8km night trail run. Each participant must wear a headlamp and there are prizes for the best dressed. You can register on the day.

Children under 12 need to be accompanied by an adult. Time: registration from

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31 friday Jimmy Jungles Halloween Pyjama Party Have loads of fun with the clowns, face painters and puppets while mom and dad enjoy dinner. Booking essential. For 0–12 year olds. Time: 6pm–9pm. Venue: Greenstone Shopping Centre, cnr Van Riebeeck Ave and Modderfontein Rd, Edenvale. Cost: free entry, food costs tbc. Contact: 011 452 1821 or visit jimmyjungles.co.za The Creepy Castle Children go dressed up for a puppet show that’s not too scary for little ones. The show follows two puppet friends who go trick or treating on Halloween night. For children 3 years and older. Time: 5:30pm. Venue: Kinderspiel, 39 Greenhill Rd, Emmarentia. Cost: R50. Contact: 011 646 0870 or visit kinderspiel.co.za Halloween Moonlight Maze Dress up in a Halloween costume and navigate through the maze at night. For children 7 years and older. Children under 15 need to be accompanied by adults in the maze. Time: gates open 5:15pm, 6:30pm–9:30pm.

Venue: Honeydew A-Maize-ing Mazes, 82 Boland St, off Beyers Naudé Dr, Honeydew.

Cost: R100–R120. Contact: 073 795 2174 or visit honeydewmazes.co.za

FUN FOR CHILDREN art, culture and science Sahara: An Exploration From ancient archaeological artefacts to rare Saharan rock art, this exhibition informs and amazes. Ends 15 October. Time: 9am–5pm Monday–Saturday, 10am–5pm Sunday.

Venue: Origins Centre, cnr Yale Rd and Enoch Sontonga Rd, Wits University, Braamfontein. Cost: R45. Contact: 011 717 4700 or visit origins.org.za Space Travel Follow Thomas the astronomer in his rocket as he visits the game reserve and the moon. Tickets are available at the door 30 minutes before the show. For 5–8 year olds. Time: 10:30am every Saturday. Venue: The Planetarium, Wits University’s East Campus, off Empire Rd, Braamfontein. Cost: R25. Contact: 011 717 1390 or visit planetarium.co.za

classes, talks and workshops Comprehension workshop The two-day workshop covers accurate interpretation of questions, nuances in text, providing holistic answers, and more. For Grade 6 and 7.

11 and 18 October. Time: 9am–11:30am.

Venue: The Workshop Reading Centre, 9 Riley Close, Pineslopes, Fourways. Cost: R800. Contact: 011 467 2193, angela@theworkshop.co.za or visit the-workshop.co.za magazine joburg

Confident Kids workshop This workshop is a group process for children to learn to relate to others, develop social skills, build esteem and learn to cope with independence.

Booking essential. For children 8–13 years old. 25 October. Time: 9am–5pm. Venue: PsychMatters Family Therapy Centre, 9 Park St, Bedfordview. Cost: R1 200 per child, including lunch and a snack. Contact: 011 450 3576, info@psychmatters.co.za or visit psychmatters.co.za Sculpt and mould A chance for your children to learn a variety of pottery techniques and ceramic painting. For children 4 years and older. Time: 2pm–4pm every Monday. Venue: Anne Rimbault Pottery Studio, Bordeaux. Cost: R200 per two-hour class. Contact: rebeccahopedawson@gmail. com or visit annerimbault.com

finding nature and outdoor play Long walk through Kloofendal Nature Reserve Enjoy a guided walk around the nature reserve. Booking essential. For children 6 years and older. 4 October. Time: 8am–10am. Venue: Kloofendal Nature Reserve, cnr Galena Ave and Veronica St, Kloofendal, Roodepoort. Cost: adults R30, children R20. Contact: 011 674 2980, 079 693 5608 or visit kloofendalfriends.org.za Melville Koppies guided tour Tours are three hours long so take a snack and water.

For children 6 years and older. 5, 12 and 19 October. Time: 5 and 19 October 3pm, 12 October 8:30am. Venue: park opposite the Marks Park Sports Club, Judith Rd, Emmarentia. Cost: adults R50, children R20.

Contact: 011 482 4797 or visit mk.org.za

holiday programmes Diabetes SA children’s camp A camp for children with diabetes. Activities include an obstacle course, volleyball, a climbing wall and other supervised activities. Booking essential. For children 5–17 years old.

Pottery painting and mosaics Select ceramics or wooden blanks and personalise them with paint or mosaics. Children six years and under need to be accompanied by an adult. Booking essential.

Time: 9am–4pm Monday–Friday, 9am–2pm Saturday. Venue: Glendower Place Shopping Centre, 99 Linksfield Rd, Dowerglen, Edenvale. Cost: R20 per hour per person, excludes materials.

Contact: 011 453 2721 or visit potteryjunxion.co.za

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24–26 October. Time: daily. Venue: Altelekker Youth Camp, Irene. Cost: free. Contact: 082 451 0706 or visit diabetessa.co.za Drama Dynamics Film and stage acting workshops for 8–18 year olds. 6–10 October. Time: 9am–3pm. Venue: Barnyard Theatre Rivonia, Rivonia Crossing 2, cnr Witkoppen Rd and Achter Rd, Paulshof.

Cost: R430 for both days. Contact: 083 609 9679 or visit dramadynamics.co.za FlipFlop Gymnastics holiday camp A three-day camp that gets 3–13 year olds involved in treasure hunts, nature walks, baking activities, campfire tales and more.

Space is limited. 7–10 October. Time: 3pm.

Venue: Hartbeespoort Holiday Resort; bus departs from Sixteen10 Restaurant, Edenvale.

Cost: R1 900, all included. Contact: 072 238 7342, tanya@flipflopgym.co.za or visit flipflopgym.co.za Kidchen Concepts cooking camp Learn to cook, garden and create art projects with recycled materials. For 3–12 year olds. Booking essential. 29 September–2 October and 6–9 October. Time: 9am–3pm. Venue: Kidchen Concepts, 64 Ballyclare Dr, Bryanston. Cost: R400 per day. Contact: 011 463 5282, 082 940 6108, petra@kidchenconcepts.co.za or visit kidchenconcepts.co.za ITA tennis clinic A clinic for beginners and intermediate players. Children 3–6 years old play mini tennis. In the event of rain they take part in indoor activities. Booking essential.

For children 3–16 years old. 6–10 October.

Time: 8:30am–1:30pm. Venue: Crawford Preparatory School, Sceales Rd, Lonehill.

Cost: varies. Contact: 083 443 3391, info@ itatennis.co.za or visit itatennis.co.za Shepherd’s Fold Stables pony camp Spend five days on a horse farm where guests can feed, groom and ride ponies. Children go on trail rides, play in the dam and roast marshmallows. Campers need to be 8 years and older to sleep over. Booking essential.

For children 6–16 years old. 6–10 October.

Time: 8am–5pm. Venue: Shepherd’s Fold Stables, 55 Sunset Dr, Elandsdrift, Lanseria.

Cost: R300 per day, R50 extra per night to sleep over. Contact: 084 220 2657 or belinda.milsom@gmail.com Sugar Bay holiday camp – Shaka Zulu Week Lots of activities for children to choose from and 24-hour supervision. Activities include surfing, rock-wall climbing, zip-lining, scuba diving and kayaking. Booking essential.

For 7–17 year olds. 5–12 October. Time: starts 3pm 5 October–12pm 12 October.

Venue: Sugar Bay Resort, Zinkwazi Beach, KwaZulu-Natal North Coast. Cost: R5 399, including three meals a day and two snacks, activities and accommodation. Contact: 032 485 3778, holidays@sugarbay.co.za or visit sugarbay.co.za Super Science holiday programme Interactive workshops and science shows during the Space Invaders holiday programme. 4–12 October. Time: 9am–5pm Monday–Friday, 9:30am–4:30pm Saturday and Sunday. Venue: Sci-Bono Discovery Centre, Newtown. Cost: R20–R35. Contact: 011 639 8400, info@sci-bono.co.za or visit sci-bono.co.za Survival campout, level 1 Learn how to make fire using only a flint, find food and water, build shelters, make bows and arrows, go fishing and more. For October 2014

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calendar children 6–14 years old. 3–5 October. Time: Friday 4pm–Sunday 3pm. Venue: Kareekloof Farm, Lanseria. Cost: R750, including food.

Contact: 076 429 6739, cashanerangers@ gmail.com or visit key2comms.wix.com/ cashane-rangers

4 October. Time: 9am–3pm. Venue: Stepping Stones Garden Village Market, 283 Honeydew Rd West, North Riding.

Cost: free entry. Contact: 083 676 9449 or grantcheryl@polka.co.za

markets

Brazouka Braz Dos Santos’ Brazouka is a dance production straight from the toughest streets of Brazil. No children under 3. 3–18 October. Time: 8pm Tuesday– Saturday, 3pm Saturday, 12 October: 2pm and 6pm. Venue: Joburg Theatre, 163 Civic Boulevard, Braamfontein. Cost: R180. Book through the Joburg Theatre: 0861 670 670 or visit joburgtheatre.com Johnny Clegg, Best Live and Unplugged An intimate show that includes stories about events in Johnny Clegg’s life. 24–26 October. Time: 8pm Friday–Saturday, 2pm Sunday. Venue: The Mandela at the Joburg Theatre Complex, 163 Civic Boulevard, Braamfontein. Cost: from R216. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.com The Ugly Duckling and other stories An interactive adaptation of your favourite Hans Christian Andersen fairytales, including Thumbelina, The Princess and the Pea and The Ugly Duckling. Booking essential. 13 September–4 October. Time: 10:30am–2:30pm. Venue: Peoples Theatre, Loveday St, Braamfontein. Cost: R70–R110.

Contact: 011 403 1563/2340 or visit peoplestheatre.co.za

Glenshiel Christmas Fair The annual fair showcases the best of local clothing, accessories, jewellery, toys, ceramics, linen, cakes and more. 31 October–2 November.

Time: 9am–6pm Friday, 9am–5pm Saturday, 9am–2pm Sunday. Venue: Glenshiel, 19 Woolston Rd, Westcliff. Cost: adults R20, children 12 and younger free. Contact: 011 646 5520 or visit stjohn.org.za In2Fresh Farmer’s Market A monthly market that offers a variety of fresh food and produce on the first Saturday of every month. There is a tea garden and various activities for the children. 4 October. Time: 8am–1pm. Venue: 37 Reid Ave, Linbro Park.

Cost: free entry. Contact: 082 338 7818 or visit Facebook: In2Fresh Farmers Market Russell Street Ramble – Urban Market A market with numerous stalls and a children’s corner with entertainment. 26 October.

Time: 9am–3pm. Venue: on the premises of Lemongrass, 38 Russell St, Western ext, Benoni. Cost: free. Contact: 083 603 4077 or urbanmarketnews@gmail.com Stepping Stones Garden Village Market Browse through the stalls offering food, crafts and other interesting items.

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on stage and screen

Postman Pat: The Movie Pat lured away from his hometown of Greendale to find success on a national talent show. Meanwhile, the village is under threat and only Pat can save the day. PG. Premieres 31 October at cinemas nationwide. For more info: visit numetro.co.za or sterkinekor.com

War Horse The UK stage production is the powerful story of a young boy and his beloved horse who has been requisitioned to fight for the British in World War I. No children under 3, PG10. 22 October–30 November. Time: 8pm Tuesday–Saturday, 2:30pm Saturday, 1:30pm and 6:30pm Sunday. Venue: The Teatro at Montecasino, Fourways. Cost: R100–R450. Book through Computicket: visit computicket.com

playtime and story time Baking at Serendipity Little ones bake while kitted out in a chef’s hat and jacket.

Time: 11am every Friday and daily during the school holidays. Venue: Serendipity, 48 Keyes Ave, Rosebank. Cost: R70. Contact: 011 447 7386 or visit serendipityplay.co.za Darin the magician 7, 18 and 28 October. Time: 7 October 3:30pm, 18 October 10am, 28 October 3pm. Venue: Kinderspiel, 39 Greenhill Rd, Emmarentia.

Cost: R50. Contact: 011 646 0870 or visit kinderspiel.co.za

31 fri

sport and physical activities Cycle clinics at Avianto Learn how to get the most out of your mountain bike and how to navigate the technical twists and turns of the trails. Children under 12 need to be accompanied by an adult. Booking essential. 26 October. Time: beginner’s clinic 8am, intermediate clinic 9am, intermediate plus 10am. Venue: Avianto, Muldersdrift. Cost: R30. Contact: richard@ ilumin8.co.za or visit ilumin8events.com Meditation for children Learn how to relax your mind and also enjoy a storytelling and create art and crafts. For 3–13 year olds.

12 October. Time: 10am. Venue: Vajrapani Kadampa Buddhist Centre, 345 Jan Smuts Ave, Craighall Park. Cost: R20. Contact: 011 447 2746, 083 678 5956, info@meditation. org.za or visit meditation.org.za SunFit exercise classes Exercise classes for all fitness levels. Time: 5:30pm–6:30pm Monday–Friday, 8am– 9am Saturday. Venue: Montecasino, Fourways. Cost: free. For more info visit Facebook: Stay in Shape With SUNfit

magazine joburg

Toddler yoga Toddlers use their imagination to mimic animals while being taught yoga poses. Booking essential.

For children 2–9 years old. Time: 2–4 year olds 2:30pm–3:30pm, 5–9 year olds 3:30pm–4:30pm, every Wednesday. Venue: The Bub Hub, shop 3G Broadacres Lifestyle Centre, Broadacres. Cost: R400 per month.

Contact: 083 285 9449, 084 603 1194 or visit thebubhub.co.za

only for parents classes, talks and workshops ADHD parenting course This fourweek course will give you an in-depth understanding of ADHD as well as handson techniques and methods for dealing effectively with issues. Starts 31 October.

Time: 10am–12pm. Venue: Morningside, Sandton. Cost: R300 per session. Contact: 083 267 3265 or lorian@drphillips.co.za

SunFit exercise classes at Montecasino

magazine joburg

Courses with Domestic Bliss Have your domestic worker trained on an accredited cooking or household management course. The courses take place over five weekly sessions. Household management course starts 30 September, cooking course starts 1 October. Time: 8:30am–2pm.

Venue: Domestic Bliss, 235 Jan Smuts Ave, Parktown North. Cost: household management R2 200, cooking course R2 400. Contact: 011 447 5517, 083 525 4992 or visit domesticbliss.co.za Diamonds are Forever Tony Bloomer gives a presentation on diamonds. 11 October. Time: 9am. Venue: Imbizo Hall, Walter Sisulu National Botanical Garden, Malcolm Rd, Poortview, Roodepoort.

Cost: R15–R60. Contact: 083 793 3019 or botsocevents@gmail.com Domestic cooking course Your domestic worker is taught to prepare healthy meals for you and your family. Classes take place once a week for four weeks. 1–23 October.

Time: 9am–12pm Wednesday or Thursday.

Cost: R1 300, all inclusive. Contact: 082 331 9987 or visit tastebudstudio.co.za Montessori information session Find out more about the Montessori training courses offered in 2015. Part time and distance learning options available. 25 October. Time: 10am–11:30am. Venue: Buccleuch Montessori School, 35 Muller St North, Buccleuch, Sandton. Cost: free.

Contact: gauteng@montessorisa.co.za or visit montessorisa.co.za

Teacher training and skills development workshop A workshop for teachers of preschool to Grade 3 learners. Learn how to optimise learner written outcomes, focusing on shape/letter and number formations, reversals and written work planning and layout. 25 October. Time: 9am–12pm.

Venue: Institute for the Advancement of Journalism, 1 Richmond Forum, Cedar Ave, Richmond. Cost: R500. Contact: 011 837 2058, 082 687 7223 or visit childdc.co.za The Patrick Holford Good Medicine Tour Nutrition expert Patrick Holford presents a series of seminars and workshops based on his bestselling books. Over 16s only. 10–12 October. Time: Good Medicine Seminar 6:30pm–9:30pm Friday; Burn Fat Fast workshop 9am–1pm and Good Medicine Seminar 2pm–6pm Saturday; Total Health Transformation Workshop 9am– 5pm Sunday. Venue: Bryanston Country Club, Sandton. Cost: R350–R850. Contact: 033 326 1023 or visit holforddirect.co.za The Fishbowl course Training for educators, therapists and caregivers who work with learners with autism and other communication barriers. 6–10 October.

Time: 8am–4pm. Venue: Children’s Memorial Institute, 13 Joubert St Ext, Braamfontein.

Cost: R2 800. Contact: 011 484 1908 or visit childrensdisabilitycentre.co.za The Power of Self-care A two-hour workshop to demystify self-care as a selfish act, to teach you the value of boundaries and to help you function at your optimum.

Booking essential. 1 October. Time: 9am–11am. Venue: PsychMatters Family Therapy Centre, 9 Park St, Bedfordview.

Cost: R400. Contact: 011 450 3576 or visit psychmatters.co.za

on stage and screen Elvis Forever 15 October. Time: 8pm.

Venue: Barnyard Theatre, Emperors Palace, Kempton Park. Cost: R95. Contact: 011 823 6933 or visit barnyardtheatre.co.za Lunch hour classical concerts A classical music programme. Time: tickets on sale 12:30pm, show starts 1pm. Venue: Auto and General Theatre on the Square, Nelson Mandela Square, Sandton. Cost: R40, including coffee and biscuits. Contact: 011 883 8606 or visit theatreonthesquare.co.za

out and about Barnyard Beerfest Enjoy Germaninspired food, craft beer and live music. No under 18s. 11 October. Time: 2pm–10pm.

Venue: Barnyard Theatre Rivonia, Rivonia Crossing 2, Paulshof. Cost: R150, including a beer mug. Contact: 011 234 2033 or visit barnyardtheatre.co.za Bier and bratwursts This year’s fest features top South African comedian Paul Snodgrass. No under 18s. 17–19 and 24–26 October. Time: 6pm–11pm Friday, 11am–4pm and 6pm–11pm Saturday, 12pm–5pm Sunday. Venue: Montecasino Outdoor Event Arena. Cost: R125–R195. For more info: visit bierfest.co.za

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calendar

This is Captain Lottering Speaking The show features the hugely popular

15 wed

characters that have made him a household name. 15 October–8 November. Time: 8pm Wednesday–Saturday, 3pm Sunday.

Venue: Pieter Toerien’s Montecasino Theatre, Montecasino, cnr William Nicol Dr and Witkoppen Rd, Fourways. Cost: R100–R170.

Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.com

Cultural evenings at Dante Alighieri On 10 October: screening of Il Primo Incarico; 22 October: Europe and the Book; 31 October: talk and slide show on Michelangelo.

Suitable for 15 years and older. Time: movie 7pm, Europe and the Book tbc, Michelangelo 7pm. Venue: Società Dante Alighieri, 62A Houghton Dr, Houghton. Cost: members R120, nonmembers R150.

Contact: 011 728 6782, 011 728 6727 or visit ladantejhb.co.za Garden of St Christopher This beautiful Italianate garden is open for an exclusive preview day that includes Bellini cocktails, food, cream teas, cappuccinos and accompaniment by a string quartet. Book in advance. 11 October. Time: 10am–3pm.

Venue: 100 9th Rd, Hyde Park. Cost: R200. Contact: 083 309 7949 or visit gardenofstchristopher.com Joburg Rose Tour The bus visits a few selected rose gardens in and around Joburg. Booking essential. 18 October.

Time: 8:30am–1pm. Venue: Ludwig’s Roses Egoli, 97 Lachlan Rd, Glenferness. Cost: R330, including a picnic lunch. Contact: 012 544 0144 or visit ludwigsroses.co.za RMB WineX You will be spoilt for choice with over 800 wines and varietals on offer.

29–31 October. Time: 5pm–9pm. Venue: The Pavilion, Sandton Convention Centre.

Cost: from R150. Tickets are available at the door or through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.com Stellenbosch at Summer Place Sip and nibble on top-quality wine and gourmet sensations while admiring the Sanlam Art Collection. Space is limited. Time: 6:30pm.

Venue: Summer Place, 69 Melville Rd, Hyde Park. Cost: R500, including wine, food and entertainment. Contact: 021 886 8275 or events@wineroute.co.za

support groups Dyspraxia SA Support Group Support for parents and/or caregivers who have children and young adults dealing with dyspraxia. Northern suburbs. For more info: visit dyspraxiasouthafrica.co.za iThemba Hope 4 U A centre that offers support to victims of violence and sexual trauma. Venue: cnr Woburn Ave and Kimbolton Ave, Benoni. Contact: 0861 HOPE 4 U (467 348), 011 422 4107 or visit traumasupport.org.za Mom Squad A group for new or expectant moms to share the joys and challenges of motherhood. For moms of newborns to 18 months old. Time: 9:15am–11am every Thursday. Venue: Linden. Cost: R10 donation for refreshments. Contact: 082 334 4029 or vandermerwekj@gmail.com

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Retina South Africa Support for retinal patients affected by genetic and degenerative conditions. They offer advice, counselling, information and referral to specialised service providers. Venue: 4E Helvetia House, 80 Greenvale Rd, Wilbart, Edenvale. Contact: 0860 595 959 or visit retinsa.org.za

bump, baby & Tot in tow

classes, talks and workshops Angelcare Seminar Guest speakers discuss breast-feeding, kangaroo care, ways of stimulating your baby, SIDS and safe sleeping environments. 17 October. Time: 8:30am–12:30pm. Venue: Randpark Golf Club, Randburg. Cost: R295 per person, includes a continental breakfast. Contact: 076 128 7796, bookings@angelcareseminars. co.za or visit angelcareseminars.co.za BabyGym This five-week course helps you stimulate your baby. For babies 2 weeks–1 year old. Starts 13 October or 29 October.

Time: 9:30am–10:45am. Venue: The Children’s Therapy Centre, Petervale. Cost: R790. Contact: 083 303 1190 or joanne. bradley@babygym.co.za Baby massage course A course that uses the International Association of Baby Massage techniques. Booking essential. For parents and carers of babies 6 weeks–6 months old. 3 October. Time: 12:30pm–1:30pm every Friday for four weeks. Venue: Mary’s Little Lambs – Baby Clinic, 90 First Ave, Dunvegan, Edenvale. Cost: R500, including oil and manuals. Contact: 011 454 1648 or maryann@ntnis.co.za Baby Reflexology Course This fourweek course teaches reflexology techniques to assist with your baby’s wellbeing. For parents and babies 6 weeks and older. 1–22 October. Time: 9:30am–10:30am every Wednesday. Venue: The Bub Hub, shop 3G Broadacres Lifestyle Centre, Broadacres.

Cost: R650 for full course. Contact: 082 802 1002 or hello@littledeer.co.za Birth choices Dr Dries Potgieter, a gynaecologist at Parklane Hospital, is speaking about your birth choices. 11 October. Time: 11am–12pm. Venue: Me, Mom and Dad, Shop u097, Greenstone Mall, Edenvale.

Cost: free. Contact: zita@memomanddad. co.za or visit memomanddad.co.za Clamber Club talk The owner of Clamber Club is speaking about baby and toddler stimulation. Take your baby and toddler along to play. 27 October. Time: 11am–12pm. Venue: Me, Mom and Dad, shop u097, Greenstone Mall, Edenvale.

Cost: free. Contact: zita@memomanddad. co.za or visit memomanddad.co.za magazine joburg

ClevaMe term 4 The programme aids in the development of your child’s brain by strengthening neural pathways and connections through exercise and repetition. For babies 5 weeks–24 months old. 9 September–15 November. Time: varies. Venue: Babywise, 183 Ontdekkers Rd, Horison. Cost: R130 per class, R440 per month, R1 100 per term. Contact: 079 899 2456 or visit clevame.co.za Mother Instinct antenatal workshop Spend the weekend preparing for the birth of your child and your first few days as a parent.

The workshop equips you with information so that you can make informed choices. Also for birth partners. 24–26 October. Time: 6:30pm–9:30pm Friday, 8:30am–1pm Saturday and Sunday. Venue: Genesis Clinic, 5 Northwold Dr, Saxonwold. Cost: R1 700 per couple, including snacks. Contact: 083 738 7439, info@motherinstinct.co.za or visit motherinstinct.co.za Power of Play workshop A play and stimulation workshop aimed at parents and carers of babies 0–12 months old. Learn how to make stimulation part of your daily routine, and adapt play activities and toys to appropriate ages. Booking essential.

10 October. Time: 9am–12pm. Venue: Bedfordview Mother and Baby Centre, 30–32 Lucas Lane, Bedfordview. Cost: R500, including refreshments, a manual and certificate. Contact: 082 456 8566, una@pikanini.co.za or visit pikanini.co.za Toptots Term 4 Share and be part of your little one’s development while having fun.

Times vary. For babies 3 months–4 years old. Starts 4 October–5 December. Time: varies. Venue: Bryanston/Randburg branch.

Cost: tba. Contact: 082 459 5860, koren@ toptots.co.za or visit toptots.co.za

Yoga for moms and babes Moms’ relaxation times are integrated with play time for babies. For babies 3 weeks–18 months old. Time: 10am–10:45am every Friday and Saturday. Venue: Friday at Genesis Birthing Clinic, cnr Jan Smuts and Northwold Ave, Saxonwold; Saturday at Mami Paradiso, 118 Kayburne Rd, Randpark Ridge. Cost: R100 per class.

Contact: 076 081 7615, info@yogamama. co.za or visit yogamama.co.za

playtime and story time Rand Society of Model Engineers A gentle ride along the 1km railway track. 5 and 19 October. Time: 9:30am–4:30pm.

Venue: Len Rutter Park, cnr Louis Botha Dr and Golf Club Terrace, Florida Park. Cost: free entry, R5 per ride. Contact: 011 046 9179 or visit rsme.co.za Play days at Elf’s Hill Party Yard Offers a large garden with jungle gyms, a mini garage, a trampoline, treehouse, Wendy house, bike track and more. Time: 1pm–5pm every Wednesday. Venue: plot 29, Sandspruit Rd, Farmall. Cost: adults R30 including cake, tea/coffee; children R20 including chips and juice. Contact: 082 337 5646, bookings@ elfshill.co.za or visit elfshill.co.za

support groups Children’s Disability Centre Support and guidance for parents of children with autism spectrum disorders and other learning and communication barriers. Contact: 010 072 0782, 011 484 1908, info@cdcjhs.co.za or visit childrensdisabilitycentre.co.za Down Syndrome Association Gauteng Support for parents of children with Down’s syndrome. Contact: 011 615 4180, 011 484 6116 (9am–4pm Monday–Friday) or visit downsyndrome.org.za SAMBA The South African Multiple Birth Association provides support for parents with multiples. Contact: samba1@telkomsa. net or visit samultiplebirth.co.za

how to help

The Grace Factory A nonprofit organisation that provides survival packs for new mothers unable to afford basic baby care essentials. They request donations of new or used baby products, clothes, toys, blankets, nappies (size 1–5), food, bottles, dummies, formula, medication and cash donations. Collection points across Joburg. Contact: 082 925 5557, info@thegracefactory. co.za or visit thegracefactory.co.za

Kids Haven This NPO provides homeless children and children at risk with a secure environment and aims at reintegrating them into their communities. They need food parcels, exterior paint, monetary donations and more. Donations can be dropped off at Ferreira’s Art Gallery, 300 Main Rd, Bryanston or 38 Cranbourne Ave, Benoni. Contact: 011 706 7959, fundraising@kidshaven.co.za or visit kidshaven.org.za Matt’s Foundation Golf Day In aid of a nonprofit organisation that assists in making a difference to underprivileged children in the Vaal. 17 October. Time: tee off 11am–1pm. Venue: Riviera on Vaal Country Club, Vereeniging. Cost: R1 600 per fourball, including meal. Contact: 016 430 1381 or functions@rovcountryclub.co.za

don’t miss out!

For a free listing, email your event to joburg@childmag.co.za or fax it to 011 234 4971. Information must be received by 3 October for the November issue, and must include all relevant details. No guarantee can be given that it will be published.

To post an event online, visit childmag.co.za

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it’s party time For more help planning your child’s party visit

childmag.co.za/ resources/birthday-parties

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finishing touch

expert opinions No-one likes a know-it-all.

veryone is an expert when it comes to parenting. It starts off early – around the time you tell people you’re pregnant. Having had a baby, they are more than willing to tell you the “right way” to handle your pregnancy, the birthing of your child, when to introduce solids, and eventually how to discipline your children. Not that I would know, but I’d imagine it continues until your child is grown up and is trying to make it on their own after school.

It’s a difficult pill to swallow as you don’t want to offend anyone about sharing their experiences with you – they’re only trying to help. But the bottom line is, no-one really appreciates a know-it-all, so we should think twice before judging others.

It’s often the people who have either never had children, or those who have not had a baby, toddler, child or teenager in their household for a while.

I find it difficult to remember what it was like being pregnant, so I try my best to steer clear of making any knowit-all comments to my pregnant friends.

Memory, after all, can be a very deceiving element after a number of years not living the life of a pregnant woman or housing a toddler or young child. We forget what it’s like to have something different in our immediate and everyday surroundings.

Usually, I’ll try to have a thick skin, but sometimes it can get to you.

After travelling for 29 hours with my son to Canada, he had a meltdown after he fell asleep for the last 30 minutes of our final flight and then had to be woken to disembark and walk to customs. I could barely get him off the seat – flip-flopping everywhere. It’s virtually impossible to carry a four year old, roll a small suitcase and attempt the narrow aisles of a plane. He had been complimented by so many people the entire

Cassandra and her son

journey for behaving so well, but absolutely lost it when I told him I couldn’t carry him.

It was a temper tantrum of note, although totally understandable given the hours spent commuting to and from opposite sides of the globe. It’s tiring enough for an adult to make a long journey of this nature. I was really surprised that no-one saw how much I was struggling and asked if I needed any help with my luggage. Instead, everyone just stared and gave us dirty looks and comments as they walked by. It felt like one

of those moments when you’re in public and some people turn up their noses and look at your children as if they are vermin.

I suppose it’s all part of parenting and something we have to get used to.

But in moments like these, I wish some people would realise how hurtful their comments come across and be a little more understanding.

After travelling on her own with her fouryear-old son, Cassandra is a little touchy these days.

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PHOTOGRAPH: MENKE BONNEMA

e

CASSANDRA SHAW explains why.