Child magazine | PTA April 2015

P r e t o r i a’ s

b e s t

g u i d e

f o r

pa r e n t s

fun

times

don’t worry,

be happy

handwriting how it trains the brain mouthwatering

meals

see the

world

for lazy days

withou

t a visa

www.childmag.co.za

April 2015

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p.25

fabulous deals to make you smile

health

education

entertainment

Hunter House P UB L IS H ING

April is a fun month

Publisher Lisa Mc Namara • lisa@childmag.co.za

Editorial Managing Editor Marina Zietsman • marina@childmag.co.za Features Editor Marc de Chazal • features@childmag.co.za Resource Editor Simone Jeffery • pretoria@childmag.co.za Editorial Assistant Lucille Kemp • capetown@childmag.co.za Copy Editor Debbie Hathway

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April 2015

3

contents april 2015

12 3 a note from lisa

health

6 over to you readers respond

7 head above water Tamlyn Vincent explains why and when secondary drowning becomes a threat

features 12 expertly happy Lucille Kemp discovers the magic formula for happiness

14 what’s in a label? Samantha Page looks at how you can deal positively with behavioural challenges

16 no visa required Lucille Kemp offers a list of overseas destinations you can fly to on a whim

18 crucial cursive writing longhand is still important for our children’s educational development, says Marina Zietsman

20 programming for life not all cartoons are bad, but parents should be aware of the content and limit time spent watching television, says Daniella Renzon

22 too much information sharing on social media is popular, quick and easy. Christina Castle looks at possible dangers and taboos

31 laid-back delicious in her book, Lazy Days, Phillippa Cheifitz inspires with delicious recipes made with local produce

regulars 8 pregnancy news – tough, but wonderful Donna Cobban reminisces on what to expect when you’re expecting

9 best for baby – fit baby Anél Lewis finds out more about the benefits of exercise for your baby and toddler

10 dealing with difference – falling between the gap what if, for various reasons, your child with special needs doesn’t fit into any school?

Marc de Chazal finds out

23 a good read for the whole family 25 resource – eat out specials a list of restaurants compiled by Simone Jeffery that offer special family deals

26 what’s on in april 30 finishing touch Anél Lewis realises that children are great teachers of patience

classified ads 27 family marketplace 29 let’s party

this month’s cover images are supplied by:

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April 2015

Joburg

Cape Town

Durban

Pretoria

Cotton On Kids cottonon.co.za

Ackermans ackermans.co.za

Sarah-Jane Photography sarahjanephotography.co.za

Claudia De Nobrega Photography claudiadenobrega.com

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April 2015

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letters

baring it all I am a parent and am appalled to see so many moms strip their children naked when they play on the beach. Yes, the beach is where one wears less, but be respectful, if not for others, then for yourself. And instil the same self-respect in your children. It’s not right to expose your child’s body indecently in public places.

There are perverts out there that could be watching your child and possibly taking photos. Swimwear should be mandatory on beaches, even for toddlers.

Anonymous

growing problem of bullying I sympathise completely with parents of children who are bullied, and with parents of children who are bullies, who are at their wits’ end on how to resolve the issue.

I just don’t understand how a parent would make the conscious decision to let their child remain in an environment where they are being bullied, especially if they are aware of the situation. If the school refuses to take the matter seriously, you as a parent have a duty to remove your child from the harmful environment. If you knowingly let your child remain in it, then you are just as responsible as the bully for the deterioration of your child’s wellbeing.

Roshika Pillay

I feel so sorry for children, and their parents, who are victims of bullying. I feel that if the schools, where bullying is occuring, do not take the matter seriously, they should be named and shamed. It’s disgusting if the parents’ plea is not taken seriously. There should be zero tolerance for bullying.

Crystal

thanks to child magazine My child attends Noah’s Ark Highveld nursery in Centurion. We would like to take this opportunity to thank you for sharing your educational and informative magazine. We love to read the articles and see that other parents go through the same things we do. It has also been helpful to find places and restaurants that accommodate children, and to find fun activities to do.

Avela Potelwa We would just like to let you know that we love your magazine. My daughter, Isabella, is learning to read and the highlight for her is when she gets your magazine at the Irene Library. I have to ask her several times if she has finished reading it, before I can indulge myself.

Keep up the wonderful work. You are captivating young audiences too.

Tatiana and Isabella Godinho

over to you in response to “lazy parenting” (over to you, March 2015) While I agree that behaviour and discipline should be implemented at home, no parent can take responsibility for a teacher’s classroom situation. I have walked into many classes where the teacher has complete control over the class. I have seen swimming instructors that have two- to four-year-old children trained to the point where they know every single step of the routine, including where to be and how to behave when they have to wait for others to finish up. Raising children has never been the responsibility of parents only. People who I have never met have an impact on my child’s life: the maintenance guy at school, visitors that come by when grandparents babysit, the neighbours, to name just a few. As a parent I do not have control over every aspect of my child’s experiences. The sooner teachers realise that their influence on a child’s life could be equal to that of family members, the sooner parents and teachers will become an educational team for their children.

Elizka This letter speaks to my heart. I have been accused of being military-like in my approach to parenting, but I see great value in drawing clear boundaries for my children.

They have flourished within those boundaries and, yes, it can be all-consuming and tiring, but only while they are

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April 2015

advice for playdates I am a mom of three boys, and my advice to other parents that struggle on the “playdate scene”, especially to get a playdate organised, but are being turned down constantly: stop inviting someone that doesn’t want to come to your home. There are lots of other moms who would love to have a playdate. If someone doesn’t want to arrange a visit or return the invitation, then move on.

Personally, I’d rather my boys have lots of different friends than one best friend. If they do have a best friend then they must still be able to play with others.

It is also the best way, besides parties, to get to know other moms. Another tip: I don’t invite less than two moms and no more than four to come along on a playdate – life happens and people cancel. It’s also very difficult for people with older children to arrange playdates because of the timing of after-school activities. But there is always someone who wants to join in on a playdate. Just widen your “search”. Ask your son’s teacher who he gets on with at school and take it from there.

I love doing playdates; it’s always loud and busy, the children have a blast, and you get to know new people.

Some you’ll like and some you won’t.

Jacky Mangnall

Let us know what’s on your mind. Send your letters or comments to marina@childmag.co.za or PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010.

learning where those boundaries are. Parenting is not for the faint-hearted and it can’t be done in half measures.

Your children deserve all your energy and attention. They exist by your hand and your choice. Make them your priority. Thank you for an insightful publication.

Alison Geduld

to education) or the Public Protector (in the event that there is undue delay in provision of a service that has been promised).

Anonymous Childmag says See the article “falling between the gap” on page 10, which looks at the right of children with special needs to quality education.

your response online to “mainstreaming special needs children” Parents should be aware that the right to an education is guaranteed in the constitution. Schools are obliged not only to provide admission to the institution, but also to afford assistance to a learner in order that they are able to obtain the benefit of learning. This means that children with special learning needs should be accommodated and be provided with learning support in whatever form is required. I am the mother of a little boy who has ADD. He has just started Grade 1 and the principal of the school that he attends advised me to put him on Ritalin or remove him from the school. This is illegal. No child may be denied the right to an education, but also no person may be denied the right to make informed choices regarding healthcare. Parents who encounter problems are advised to contact the education department in their province.

In the event that the department fails to assist them and their child, they should contact the South African Human Rights Commission (if there is an infringement of the right

to “rules to live by” I disagree with rule number four that children need to have a say on where holidays are taken or what colour the house is painted. Those are adult decisions. They can decide between a chocolate or strawberry milkshake or what they’d like to wear to a party. Children are given too much say on adult things and it causes conflict between the parents when one sides with the child or the child doesn’t get what they suggested. The parents must be a united front and be parents to their children, not friends.

Children don’t need to make decisions about grown-up things – they have many years to do that later on in life.

Anonymous subscribe to our newsletter and win Our wins have moved online. Please subscribe to our newsletter and enter our weekly competitions.

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We reserve the right to edit and shorten submitted letters.

The opinions reflected here are those of our readers and are not necessarily held by Hunter House Publishing.

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health

head above water You may think your child is safe after recovering from a near-drowning, but secondary drowning is still a threat. TAMLYN VINCENT explains.

PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

m

any parents, I’m sure, have had a heart-stopping moment of panic when their child struggles in the water. Maybe he’s gone under for too long, or sucked in water instead of air. Most of the time, children cough up the water, breathe again, and you relax because everything is going to be fine. Except it isn’t always.

Secondary drowning or dry drowning are unofficial terms, but refer to drowning that happens after someone has left the water. Usually the child, or adult, will have had a near-drowning experience or struggle in the water, sucking water into their lungs. Craig Lambinon, media spokesman at the National Sea Rescue Institute, explains that secondary drowning occurs when this water causes the lungs to swell, making you feel like you are drowning again. The lungs can’t produce enough oxygen, which makes it difficult to breathe. This usually happens four to six hours after the victim has been in the water.

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these symptoms, call an ambulance and perform mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

preventing water accidents

water safety

• Supervise children around any water; children can drown in just a few centimetres of water.

• Ensure your pool is fenced off and has a net covering it when not in use.

• Pack away toys, pool equipment or other objects over which someone could trip.

• Educate children about pool safety.

• Warn children about the dangers of rough play, running around pools, doing flips into the water and diving into shallow water. Also be vigilant if Lilos are in the pool as children can easily become trapped beneath them.

wait and watch Lambinon recommends that you go to hospital for observation after a neardrowning. If symptoms develop, quick treatment is essential. If you don’t go to a hospital, Lambinon advises that the victim be observed for at least six hours after he has left the water. Children especially are

tired after such experiences and want to go to sleep. Observe them, says Lambinon, as symptoms may develop while they are asleep, and they may never wake up.

Symptoms to look out for include difficulty breathing, wheeziness, chest pain, persistent coughing, a fever and a change in behaviour or drop in energy level. If you notice any of

Secondary drowning isn’t common, but it does happen. And while it can happen to anyone, children are more at risk. Dominique Smythe, a swimming school instructor in Durban, says children who know how to swim are still at risk, but the threat is greater for children between the ages of one and four. Risk is increased when children and adults aren’t water safe, adds Smythe; rough play around water, diving into shallow pools, open access to water, and a lack of education and supervision all add to the risk. Teaching children to swim is one way to help prevent any type of drowning. Smythe recommends starting lessons between the ages of one and four years old. “Children five to 14 years old need to be water safe and be able to swim themselves out of dangerous situations,” says Smythe. It’s important not to overestimate your child’s swimming ability.

April 2015

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pregnancy news

tough, but

wonderful DONNA COBBAN gleans some surprising titbits from mothers who wish someone had told them what

t

he night my water broke, I stood outside at the back door looking up at a star-studded sky, aware that my life was about to change forever. I longed for a village of elders to whisper words of advice and then silently retreat.

Looking back, had they been there, they would have told me that breast-feeding is not easy. Fail to get it right and your nipples will crack open and fissures will appear the size of canyons. They would have sung the praises of lashings of lanolin cream to protect those precious nipples while leaving piles of chilled cabbage leaves by my side to ward off the heat of milk engorged breasts. “Don’t worry too much,” they would have advised. “Not a lot can go truly wrong at this point. Sleep when he sleeps, get out as much as you

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can, go for long walks with him in the pram and relish every second with this tiny human being... it passes so quickly.”

Apparently, reading or watching a movie while breastfeeding may result in less bonding time with your baby.

Were I to do it again I would shrug off such nonsense and use the quiet times when breast-feeding seemed to be taking forever to read more gripping novels and catch up on world news and interesting research. Georgia, mother of two young children, wishes someone had told her to read as many books as possible over 300 pages long that require a modicum of concentration. She has not, however, lost all hope. “I am told that this skill may return when my youngest turns five.” Sticking firmly to literature, Georgia suggests mothers-to-be should remember they are having a child, not taking an exam. “You don’t have to read every book in the universe and attend every antenatal class. Your child will still stick with you. In fact, ditch the baby books and read War and Peace.”

Ingrid, mother of one with another on the way, has sage advice for when you feel beloved relatives closing in on

you with all the best intentions at heart. You need to let go and let them help, she says. Some issues are, of course, easier than others, so it might be prudent to choose your battles wisely. Ingrid recounts her resistance to a new household appliance: “If your mother thinks you need a tumble drier and you really don’t think you do, but she’s not letting it go, let her buy it for you.”

When Ingrid was a mother-to-be she was constantly told by other parents how hard it was going to be. She became tired of the ominous warnings and resolved not to waste such negative advice on another mother-to-be in the family, who in turn was furious with her after the fact as no-one had told her about the tough bits. Ingrid has since resolved to tell people that while it can be tough, it is wonderful.

And that is just what it is – truly and utterly wonderful, mixed up with a bit of sleep deprivation, hormonal changes, self-doubt, confusion and exhaustion – sometimes in equal measures and sometimes not. But wonderful wins hands down in the end.

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PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

to expect when having their first child.

a

fit

baby PHOTOGRAPH: shutterstock.com

Physical activity is an essential part of a healthy lifestyle, but how soon should we get our children involved in exercise? ANÉL LEWIS finds out more about the benefits of exercise for babies and toddlers.

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t what age should we get our children onto an exercise regime? As soon as possible, says Cape Town-based occupational therapist Zulfa Dominick, as exercise is in fact “playtime” that will stimulate your baby’s development physically and socially. It will also help with developmental milestones.

This can be done by joining a baby exercise class, or by incorporating fun exercises into your daily routine.

Keep up the exercise once your child starts to walk by encouraging age-appropriate physical activities. While your child’s physical activity lays a solid foundation for a healthy lifestyle, it also has significant benefits for their fine and gross motor skills, social interaction and confidence. The bonus of group exercise classes is that you get to meet other parents in a relaxed environment and make time to bond with your child.

what to expect Dominick says most of the exercises from birth to around 15 months are about stretching, massage and stimulation to make your baby more aware of his body and surroundings.

Exercise also stimulates visual, auditory and vestibular development as the baby is forced to rely on his senses to respond to the environment, says Dominick. When a child is stimulated through crawling over and under things, and swung during play, vestibular input is received. This allows the child to develop a tolerance for movement and improves gross motor coordination.

at home Dominick says the following exercises can be done with babies as soon as they show an ability to lift their head and press on their arms:

best for baby Muscle stretches Gently massage from the upper neck down the back in a criss-cross pattern, from the upper thigh down to the ankle, massaging the bottom and top of the feet, between the toes and moving the toes in a circular motion. Do the same with the upper limbs. This will promote good muscle tone and posture, and well-coordinated movements later on.

Vestibular exercises Facilitate crawling on a stable surface, gently guiding arms into the correct position and feet so that they don’t drag. Or, let your baby crawl over a raised pillow, roller or rolled pillow.

Standing and walking exercises Let your baby grasp your finger and then gently pull himself into a sitting position. Once your baby can pull himself up using your hand, then you can start doing trunk exercises by allowing him to sit up and play with a toy placed on the left side of his body, and then the right side. Note that the supported pull must be a gentle forward and up movement and not a direct upwards move, as this could cause dislocation at the glenohumeral (shoulder) joint.

Hand exercises From about two months, encourage an open hand by placing a rolled up sock in your baby’s hand or allow him to hold a soft toy. Move the fingers about individually, and then move them towards and away from the palm. At four months, let your baby reach for suspended objects to strengthen his shoulder girdle and arms. From about 12 months, you can introduce smaller objects and even buttons to stimulate the pincer grasp. Be sure to observe this activity at all times.

Feet exercises Encourage your baby to kick against an object such as your hand, a stuffed toy that makes sounds or a suspended ball.

April 2015

9

dealing with difference

falling between

the gap Many parents are finding that their children with special needs just don’t “fit in” to a specific school, for a number of reasons.

MARC DE CHAZAL investigates.

challenged or cognitively delayed, and they require specialised staff with a higher staff-to-pupil ratio.

slow march to inclusivity The White Paper 6 on Inclusive Education provides the framework to fulfil the right to quality education for children with disabilities, points out Liezl Schlebusch, a PhD student who has visited numerous schools and interviewed staff about parents’ journeys in finding the right school for their children. “The policy’s goal is to develop an inclusive education system that will recognise and accommodate the diverse range of learning needs,” says Schlebusch, “but the implementation is slow.

Currently, mainstream government schools are required to admit learners with special needs where it is ‘reasonably practical’.”

Sue Fowlds, principal of Wiggles & Squiggles School in Randburg, admits that inclusive learning environments are growing, but believes inclusion is complicated. “There will always be ‘that child’ who is too distracting, too boisterous, needs too much attention, is not keeping up with the group or is not coping with sitting, listening and responding appropriately in a mainstream class,” says Fowlds.

Are teachers in mainstream schools simply out of their depth when it comes to handling children with learning barriers? Sue Fowlds thinks so. “Teaching children with barriers to learning requires more specialised training and experience to meet their holistic educational needs. The child with special needs often throws a spanner in the works in

The focus of inclusion is on removing the barriers to learning so that all children can reach their full potential.

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April 2015

a conventional classroom environment,” she says.

A child with special needs may be admitted into a mainstream school, but they still need to find their place in the school’s existing system, points out Schlebusch.

“Instead of focusing on changing the learner to fit into a specific educational system, the focus of inclusion is on removing the barriers to learning so that all children can reach their full potential,” she explains.

Fowlds agrees wholeheartedly.

It seems that we’re still a long way from achieving this. Children who use wheelchairs or crutches for mobility require ramps, suitable bag racks and wider aisles between desks.

Learning environments need to be adapted to accommodate them.

According to Fowlds, many schools prohibit parentemployed caregivers from accompanying learners and it doesn’t seem likely there will be budgets for state-provided support staff in the near future, which means that affected families of children with learning barriers must find a suitable remedial school – “a very long, tedious and often lonely journey,” she says.

for children with special needs on a central database with the Department of Education. “This will improve accessibility for the growing numbers of parents looking for the right school for their child,” she says. “I also believe teachers and facilitators need ongoing training in order to identify symptoms and behaviours, as there are numerous interventions available when something out of the ordinary is noticed. Teachers and support staff are not qualified to offer a diagnosis without a medical qualification, but they can suggest appropriate strategies for the child or refer parents to the right professionals, if they have the necessary training.”

The right to quality education can and should be realised for children with special needs.

Schlebusch is of the opinion that improved interaction with others and a suitable environment will enable children with special needs to “reap the social, emotional and cognitive benefits provided to all children in learning environments”. But the most important goal for these families is that their child is happy in a school environment, says Schlebusch. “Inclusion is more than just attending a school, though. It starts in our homes and in our community. By focusing on the strengths of a child with a disability and providing supporting environments that enable them to participate, we can create a truly inclusive society and achieve quality education for all.”

“It’s time that our special needs families – ‘the invisibles’ – were a bigger part of the community and their children more widely accepted into all areas of society,” adds Fowlds.

The right to quality education can and should be realised for children with special needs.

onwards So, what’s the way forward for frustrated parents at their wits’ end because they are being turned down continually when trying to enrol their children at schools recommended to them?

“We need teams of professionals to have a clear understanding of suitable schools in their vicinity that cater for children with a variety of learning needs,” advises Fowlds, who would like to see all of the specialised schools catering

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PHOTOGRAPH: shutterstock.com

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atricia is a single mom from Joburg struggling to raise a child who has cerebral palsy. She cannot afford the R4 500 per month required to get her five-year-old daughter into a private, special needs school and the corporates she has approached for funding have all turned her down. To make matters worse, a government school also declined her application because her child, who is not toilet-trained, is considered physically and mentally challenged. It’s not the best solution, but Patricia has managed to get her daughter into a stimulation school that runs from 7am to 3pm for a substantially lower cost, freeing her up to find employment.

Patricia is not alone.

Many parents of children with special needs are running from pillar to post because their children allegedly don’t fit into a specific school – they are either not special needs enough or not remedial enough. New private schools are popping up in suburbs as a result, likely started by parents intent on a tailormade service for their own child with special needs. These facilities can become successful businesses, but they need to be registered with the Health and Education Departments. It’s only a solution for some children, however, as these schools and centres are usually privately run and the costs are picked up by the parents, indirectly marginalising people like Patricia who cannot afford it. They’re also faced with the same challenges when it comes to who fits into their school. Needs-specific schools tend to cater to a particular group of children, such as autistic, Down’s syndrome, cerebral palsy, physically

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April 2015

11

parenting

expertly i

happy

LUCILLE KEMP finds that there really is a magic formula for happiness.

think life starts to get better for most of us when we realise that quality of life does not centre wholly on achieving the dream of a nice home, job title or goal weight… That it’s about achieving happiness. And we can be happy without said home, job title, goal weight…

As parents, achieving happiness is not only a skill that we must learn for ourselves in order to keep moving forward, it’s a responsibility that we have to our children because, in their growing years, they’re looking to us to set the tone for their lives.

Glenda Weil and Doro Marden, co-authors of Raise Happy Children, say a large part of a parent’s job is to “delve into the conditions for creating the fertile ground in which happiness can flourish – not the happiness that appears in holiday brochures where the sun is always shining and everyone is smiling, but more where the happiness endures through the ups and downs of real family life.”

happiness ingredients

Apart from the basic universal human needs – for food, shelter, security and love – individual needs, that we want met, develop.

Focus on allowing your children the freedom to explore and try different activities to discover what brings them enjoyment, say Weil and Marden. When they have this focus they will be able to play to their strengths, which will bring them an overall sense of joy.

connectedness According to Weil and Marden, “Happy children have secure and loving relationships with their parents, get on with other children and have at least one good friend.” These relationships deepen and are strengthened through communication.

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April 2015

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PHOTOGRAPH: shutterstock.com

knowing what makes you smile

Focus on quality time with your child, which may call for regulating TV and internet time. Encourage them to invite friends over and create opportunities for laughter, playfulness and show appreciation for all family members’ sense of humour, add Weil and Marden.

guidance Happy children know that they are loved and that their parents are in charge. Children tend to follow their desires the minute they arise, so you will have to teach them patience and delayed gratification – that there are many things out there that they have to wait for before they can fully enjoy them.

Focus on teaching them that it is possible to wait for things, however annoying the wait. Teaching them impulse control is crucial as there will be many times life calls for them to stop and think before acting.

doing something well We all get joy from deeds well done, children included, whether it is completing a difficult jigsaw puzzle or building a tower of bricks. Psychologist Steve Biddulph, author of Raising Boys, emphasises this by saying that a child should be able to cook a family meal by the age of 11.

Focus on allowing them to get stuck in and get creative.

Provide opportunities to learn new skills and master something appropriate to their age and ability.

realness Don’t get your family trapped in the happiness doctrine – you can’t expect to have fun all the time. Of this, the famed psychotherapist Carl Jung once said, “Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness and the word ‘happy’ would lose its meaning were it not balanced by sadness.”

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Focus on letting your child know that you accept their feelings, whether joyful or painful, say Weil and Marden.

Acceptance and understanding are invaluable to your child.

resilience This is the ability to come through despite challenging circumstances; children who learn to cope with life’s setbacks and disappointments have a head start for happiness. With the proper support, disappointment can strengthen rather than weaken the child, say Weil and Marden.

Focus on preparing your child for the bumps in the road as opposed to constantly trying to clear the way for them.

optimism If you find that your child reflects a somewhat halfempty approach to life, know that, according to Weil and Marden, optimism can be taught.

Focus on challenging the view that nothing can be done about a problem by countering “I can’t” with “what’s stopping you?” Recall your child’s past successes and praise their efforts, not just their triumphs.

thankfulness Taking things for granted is the enemy of happiness.

Weil and Marden say that children who feel entitled are less content than those who have an attitude of thankfulness.

Focus on teaching your child to make declarations, such as saying three things they are grateful for at bedtime or writing down five things they are thankful for every Sunday.

giving As the saying by Norman MacEwan goes, happiness lies not so much in having but in sharing – children can be taught the joy of giving to others.

Focus on encouraging them to pick flowers for granny.

connecting with nature From climbing trees to flying kites, there is magic in discovering the outdoors.

Focus on showing them that there is a whole world out there. Share with your child the joy, excitement and mystery of the world we live in.

morality and spirituality A deeper happiness arises when people live in tune with their values and morals. Giving your children a moral dimension can give their lives deeper purpose.

Focus on having rituals like lighting candles for birthdays or examining the intricate detail of flowers in the garden or quietly gazing at the stars together, which, say Weil and Marden, will fill your child with the wonder of existence.

finding the joy in the daily grind • L isten to music while at home together, giving each family member a chance to choose the tunes.

• Get sunshine and exercise every day.

• Break from routine, such as taking a different route to school.

• Make more time for loved ones not in your immediate family.

• Take daily family walks with the dogs before school or before dinner.

• Eat dinner outside at least once a week.

• Wake up a little earlier so you have more time to better enjoy the morning routine and the space you share with your dearest people.

April 2015

13

parenting

what’s in a

label?

Even the best-behaved children can display challenging behaviour, at times, but what if your child has been labelled a “problem child”? SAMANTHA PAGE investigates how you can deal positively with behavioural difficulties. imprison him; we give him the feeling of a life sentence. When we diagnose children with anxiety, impulsiveness or attention deficiency, we’ve given them a formal ‘condition’, which offers glum prospects.

(And indeed, we’ve provided a great excuse to sidestep any efforts at improvement – ‘I can’t possibly sit through class because I have ADHD’.) In fact, each of the aforementioned ‘conditions’ is nothing but a behaviour. We choose behaviours. And we can choose to adopt different behaviours.”

When we label a child we imprison him; we give him the feeling of a life sentence.

As the other parents stare wide-eyed, the mom apologises profusely and offers an explanation, “He has ADHD and was recently diagnosed with oppositional defiance disorder (ODD), so we’re still working out the kinks in social settings.” A collective nod spreads through the crowd as if these labels explain everything and, as more moms and dads chime in, attention shifts away from the boy, who is now using his juice straw and wrapper as a peashooter from his perch, to the myriad disorders represented in the children here today.

While ADHD is all too common these days, children are also being diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder, ODD and generalised anxiety disorder. Although one can completely understand the need for a formal diagnosis so that parents can access a broader range of resources, one wonders whether, in some instances, these labels do more harm than good.

supporting change “Labels are loaded,” says psychotherapist Lisa Finlay. “When we label a child we

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But what if your child’s teachers have identified him or her as a “problem child”? What if you’ve become increasingly concerned by their behaviour? What if you’ve had one too many combative standoffs in public or social settings?

“My son used to have hectic temper tantrums and I could see in his eyes that he was totally out of it,” says Denise Fry, mother of Liam (11). “The only way I could calm him was to hold him tightly, but at times this could take up to an hour. Also, he was not achieving the required developmental milestones, which was when my husband and I decided we needed a formal assessment. An educational psychologist diagnosed Liam with ADHD and pervasive development disorder and while I was grief-stricken at first, the tiger mom in me quickly took over, and I started to focus on getting my child the help he needed. I decided that I also needed support, so I attended a parental guidance class once a week to learn how to play to Liam’s strengths and work towards understanding

There’s a delicate balance between thinking every tantrum is a sign of a disorder and thinking it’s just a phase when assessing a child’s behaviour. him better. It’s been a long and difficult journey, but Liam is flourishing at a private school for children with special needs following the mainstream educational curriculum. It has helped immensely that his teachers are supportive, encouraging and compassionate.”

shaping behaviour There’s a delicate balance between thinking every tantrum is a sign of a disorder and thinking it’s just a phase when assessing a child’s behaviour, which is why a formal assessment can be hugely beneficial to parents, teachers and the child in question.

“A child acting out (biting, sulking, spitting, hitting) could be going through a phase – for example, when there’s a new baby in the home or parents are going through a divorce. The teenage years also bring behavioural problems due to surging hormones or peer pressure,” says Gauteng-based educational psychologist Leila Abdool Gafoor.

“However, professional help should be sought when parents have tried all strategies and failed to either establish what is causing the undesired behaviour or to succeed in changing it. Often children need an unbiased outsider to look into their lives and provide guidance and support in a manner that a family member cannot. Educational psychologists provide this assistance while encouraging positive growth and development,” adds Gafoor.

Often children with challenging behaviour are written off and banished to the back of the class or playground, but their parents, educators and mentors need to calmly coach them through the struggle and difficulty, instead of taking away that learning moment.

“My son, Simphiwe* (9), was diagnosed with ADHD in July last year. While it was a relief to finally have a diagnosis, which explained his lack of focus and inability to reach his full academic potential, my husband and I refused to use any labels.

Instead, we used mantras to empower him,” says his mom, Sindi*. “For example, ‘If you believe, you can achieve.’ ‘Be brave.

Be brilliant. Be you.’ ‘Try new things.’

“We believe that if we brand Simphiwe as anxious, he won’t take risks. If we allow him to use the ADHD label, we stop expecting him to behave and perhaps he would carry the label with him his whole life. Instead, we focus on his strengths, put forward compromises that produce win-win outcomes, and refuse to show up to every confrontation to which we are invited. Now, instead of being afraid of failure, he is more comfortable with trying and has excelled beyond expectation at school.”

It’s this focus on the positive as a support to parents, and self-regulation in children without undermining their confidence and individuality, which Joe Newman focuses on in Raising Lions: The Art of Compassionate Discipline. Forty years ago, the author was the magazine pretoria

PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

t

he boy who has climbed up the umpire’s chair at the actioncricket party grins broadly, clearly dismissing the possibility of punishment as his mother sternly tells him to get down. Instead he basks in the satisfaction of having made it through the gauntlet of parents, officials and fellow 10-year-old partygoers. “Okay, no PlayStation for a week,” his mom counters firmly, but I see her resolve waning as the boy crosses his legs defiantly and settles into his lookout.

quintessential “problem child”. In 1970, when he was diagnosed with ADHD and put on Ritalin, his prospects seemed limited, but today he trains and consults with parents, teachers and school administrators to raise and teach healthy, respectful children.

“One of the keys to success with strong-willed children is that the boundaries and expectations must be the same for children at home, in childcare and school environments. Everyone involved with teaching and working with the child must be on the same page,” he says.

Newman also challenges parents and teachers to take the time to understand the differences of children with atypical behaviour and work to accept them as they are, even while trying to shape their behaviour so they can thrive at home, school or in social settings.

And just how does one achieve this?

One way is setting up what Newman calls “areas of choice”. Giving children choice is empowering but they have to be responsible for their choices. For example, if you’ve given a choice between

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watching a TV programme or playing a computer game and the child chooses the game, he cannot lament the fact that he missed his favourite TV show, as it was his choice.

Another theme in Raising Lions is “Meet the Hand”, which deals with setting boundaries. “You state your need or set your boundary, but there is no yelling, no judgment and no shame. This recognises the child’s autonomy and empowers him, yet still aims to shape his or her behaviour,” explains Newman.

Every parent knows that some children are harder to handle than others, but happy, confident, caring children grow up in an atmosphere of flexibility and trust, supported by empathetic and realistic parents who are able to build on their child’s strengths and see challenging behaviour as an opportunity for growth, learning and living. And while you may not be able to always control your child, you can control your reaction to his behaviour. Remember, change always begins with choice. *Names have been changed.

behavioural problems you shouldn’t ignore 1 Aggressive behaviour If your child punches a playmate, you’ll step in, but other seemingly less-aggressive behaviour, such as biting or shoving, shouldn’t be ignored either. “If you don’t intervene, rough behaviour can become an entrenched habit. Plus, it sends a message that hurting people is acceptable,” says Cape Town-based educational psychologist Lisa Venter.

2 Constant interruptions It’s common for children to be so anxious to share something they interrupt you when you’re talking to someone else, but allowing children to constantly butt in doesn’t teach them to be considerate or patient. “As a result, she’ll think that she’s entitled to other people’s attention and won’t be able to deal with frustration,” says psychologist Jerry Wyckoff.

3 Tuning you out Having to tell your child three or four times to do something they don’t really want to sends the message that what you’re saying is unimportant and they are really in control. “I realised that my son ignoring me was a power play and if I allowed it to continue, he would entirely disregard my authority, so I’d walk over to him, look him in the eye and deliver my request in a fun but firm way,” says Sindi.

4 Bending the truth You need to confront dishonesty of any kind immediately but make sure you set rules. “It’s important that your child feels safe confiding in you, that you stay true to your word and that no matter what, your child feels loved even if their actions aren’t,” says Abdool Gafoor.

5 Displaying disrespect Eye-rolling, sharp retorts and sarcasm may start as early as preschool. “Teach and model suitable behaviour and help your child to appropriately express themselves in different situations. It’s also important to provide consistent consequences for unacceptable behaviour,” suggests Venter.

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getaway

no visa required South Africans can decide at the drop of a hat to visit many countries around the world without the hassle of applying for a visa. LUCILLE KEMP brings you some choice destinations.

africa

australia

kenya

fiji

The flight Fours hours and the country is one hour ahead Maximum length of stay Thirty days Must-see Maasai Mara National Reserve; Mombasa; The Great Rift Valley and Mount Kenya Family-friendly Family safaris, hot air balloon flights, guided bush walks led by red-robed Maasai warriors and hand-feeding giraffe at the well-known Giraffe Manor Vaccinations Compulsory: yellow fever, if coming from or stopping over in an endemic area. Recommended: hepatitis A, tetanus, typhoid, cholera and meningitis

The flight Eighteen hours and the country is 11 hours ahead Maximum length of stay Six months as a tourist Must-see Experience Fiji’s largest isle, Vitu Levu; visit the Nadi region’s open-air souvenir market and pick up traditional Fijian crafts; hike the Taveuni Falls; fly to the Mamanuca islands and visit Monuriki, the island Tom Hanks made famous in Cast Away; see fire-walking on Beqa Island Family-friendly Bouma Falls; boat trip up the Navua River Vaccinations Compulsory: yellow fever, if coming from or stopping over in an endemic area. Recommended: hepatitis A, tetanus, typhoid and polio

health advice • Take antimalarial medication where necessary • Prevent bug bites • Keep away from animals • Reduce your exposure to germs • Avoid sharing body fluids • Avoid non-sterile medical or cosmetic equipment • Ask your doctor what vaccines and medicines you need based on where you are going, how long you are staying and what you will be doing.

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zambia The flight Two hours Maximum length of stay Unlimited Must-see Victoria Falls; Kafue National Park and the Zambezi River source Family-friendly The Luangwa River Cruise; Saturday Dutch Market in the Kabulonga area of Lusaka; in November book a tour guide to see the wildebeest migration Vaccinations Compulsory: none.

Recommended: hepatitis A, tetanus and meningitis

The flight Fifteen hours and the country is 11 hours ahead Maximum length of stay Three months Must-see Milford Sound; guided walk to the Fox Glacier; kayak through The Bay of Islands Family-friendly Rotorua for its Maori culture and geothermal phenomena such as geysers, boiling mud pools and huge volcanic craters; explore hiking and mountain biking, leisure and wildlife parks, scenic flights, lake and river activities Vaccinations None

magazine pretoria

PHOTOGRAPHS: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

new zealand

• Eat and drink safely

sri lanka

asia maldives The flight Seven hours and the country is three hours ahead Maximum length of stay Thirty days Must-see The HP Reef and the Banana Reef; Alimatha Island; Manta Point and the Hukuru Miskiiy (Old Friday Mosque)

Family-friendly The numerous resorts and the safe shallow lagoons with brightlycoloured fish Vaccinations Compulsory: yellow fever, if coming from or stopping over in an endemic area. Recommended: hepatitis A and typhoid

The flight Nine hours and the country is three hours ahead Maximum length of stay Thirty days Must-see The tea plantations; Batticaloa and the east coast; The Temple of the Sacred Tooth Relic; Yala National Park; Unawatuna and south coast beaches; Adam’s Peak night pilgrimage; the ancient ruins of Polonnaruwa and the Sigiriya Rock Family-friendly Pinnawala Elephant Orphanage; The Cultural Triangle and watch a Kandyan dance performance Vaccinations Compulsory: yellow fever if coming from or stopping over in an endemic area. Recommended: hepatitis A, tetanus and polio

north america bahamas

costa rica

The flight Sixteen hours and the country is seven hours behind Maximum length of stay Your passport must be valid for at least six months from date of entry Must-see Sandy Toes and Rose Island, which offers a pristine all-day inclusive private island experience Family-friendly Clifton Heritage National Land and Sea Park; Ardastra Gardens, Zoo and Conservation Centre Vaccinations Compulsory: yellow fever if coming from or stopping over in an endemic area. Recommended: polio, tetanus, hepatitis A and typhoid

The flight Fifteen hours and the country is eight hours behind Maximum length of stay Thirty days Must-see Monteverde for cloud forest and rainforest exploration; Manuel Antonio beach; Arenal Volcano and Corcovado National Park for its mountains, hot springs and waterfalls – National Geographic has called it the most biologically intense place on Earth in terms of biodiversity. There are also cultural festival celebrations at various times of the year.

Family-friendly Zip-lining through Monteverde’s forest canopy; night-time

jamaica The flight Fifteen hours and the country is seven hours behind Maximum length of stay Ninety days Must-see Dunn’s River Falls; Dolphin Cove; Montego Bay; Bob Marley Museum; Martha Brae River; Green Grotto Caves and Lime Cay Family-friendly Chukka River tubing safari; horse-back ride and swim in Sandy Bay; family catamaran cruises that include snorkelling; a 120-foot waterslide and giant water trampolines Vaccinations Compulsory: yellow fever, if coming from or stopping over in an endemic area. Recommended: hepatitis A, tetanus, typhoid and polio

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turtle nesting at Refugio Nacional de Fauna Silvestre Ostional; learning to surf at Mal País and Santa Teresa; white-water rafting on the Río Reventazón or Río Pacuare and exploring the jungle rivers of Tortuguero Vaccinations None

south america argentina The flight Ten hours and the country is five hours behind Maximum length of stay Unlimited Must-see Iguazu Falls and the Perito Moreno Glacier up close via excellent and safe catwalk systems; a town off the beaten track; El Chalten; the Mendoza wine province; whale-watching in the Golfo Nuevo; seeing the penguin colony at Punt a Tombo national protected area and the Peninsula Valdes Wildlife Sanctuary for birds and marine species Family-friendly Horse-riding in the Pampas; Parque de la Costa amusement park;

Miramar Beach; Bioparque Temaiken Nature Reserve and Buenos Aires Zoo Vaccinations None

April 2015

17

education

crucial With the rise in popularity of digital media, cursive writing is going the way of the typewriter.

But at what cost? MARINA ZIETSMAN finds out why longhand is still important for our children’s educational development.

i

n June last year, a concerned mother in the US phoned her Tennessee state representative and informed her that her son’s junior high school history teacher wrote homework assignments on the blackboard in cursive, which her son could not read. It wasn’t the teenager’s fault. Teaching cursive writing was not compulsory at the time, but this is about to change in a number of US states.

Some people may argue that cursive writing is an ancient skill, especially seeing that children are often introduced to communicating via keyboards from preschool age. But there are others who feel that cursive still has its place. Writing in Psychology Today William Klemm, a professor of neuroscience, says: “Scientists are discovering that learning cursive is an important tool for cognitive development, particularly in training the brain to learn ‘functional specialisation’ (the capacity for optimal efficiency). Brain imaging studies show that cursive activates areas of the brain that do not participate in keyboarding.”

Bunty McDougall is a Cape Town-based occupational therapist who has worked in the field of learning difficulties for 25 years. McDougall is also qualified in sensory integration (SI) and neuro-developmental therapy and currently develops resources for handwriting skills. “The functional specialisation of the brain is the ability of many parts of the brain to work together. It also activates the working memory centres of the brain,” she explains.

Virginia Berninger, a psychologist at the University of Washington, conducted a study of children in Grades 2 to 5. This research demonstrated that printing, cursive writing and typing on a keyboard are all associated with distinct, separate brain patterns. Berninger found that the children who wrote by hand consistently produced more words and ideas than those using a keyboard. She also established that the children with better handwriting showed greater activation in areas associated with the working memory.

In another study, Karin James, a psychologist at Indiana University, studied children who had not yet learnt to read or write a letter or a shape. The children were asked to copy the shape or letter they saw on an index card in one of three ways: draw it on a blank sheet, trace the image on a dotted line or type it on a computer. Afterwards the children were placed in a brain scanner and shown the same image. The results proved that the way in which the children duplicated the word or shape was profoundly different. When using their freehand to draw a letter, they exhibited increased activity in three areas of the brain that are activated in adults when they read and write. In comparison, the other two methods showed a much weaker effect. James also observed children writing letters and others just watching them doing the activity. She found that by physically writing the letter the brain’s pathways were engaged, which assists the learning benefits of handwriting.

McDougall says functional MRIs show us which parts of the brain are active during certain tasks. “It has shown that the sequential finger movements used when children are writing by hand activate the memory centres in the brain,” she says. “This is why writing things down helps us to remember them.” McDougall says these centres are not activated when keyboarding – or rather, the act of pressing down a key on a keyboard does not activate the memory centres in the same way. “This does not mean keyboarding does not have a place in education today,” says McDougall, “but we need to be aware of how critical handwriting is to learning. It is not just a communication tool – it’s a learning tool.”

write to read Current research has also shown a definite link between fine motor skill development (handwriting is a fine motor skill) in preschool and the reading and maths abilities of

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PHOTOGRAPH: BRESCIA HOUSE SCHOOL

how the brain works

learners in Grade 2. McDougall says this is by no means based on one isolated study, but has been replicated to substantiate the link. “We need to focus on children’s fine motor skills development as the foundation for writing (composition) as well as reading,” she says. “The research done also shows that handwriting sets up the brain for learning to read.” Learning handwriting, says McDougall, is the precursor to composition, which is probably one of the greatest goals we want to achieve in school, and we need to know how to efficiently establish the handwriting foundations for this critical skill.

According to the American Psychological Association, first graders who learnt to write cursive received higher scores in reading words and in spelling than a comparable group who learnt to write in manuscript (unjoined letters). One possible explanation is the continuity of movement in cursive, whereas in manuscript writing attention is given to single letters. The continuous line in writing a word provides kinaesthetic feedback about the shape of the words as a whole, which is absent in manuscript writing.

fine tuning McDougall adds that children’s fine motor skills are deteriorating and this has escalated exponentially with the excessive use of the iPad. “Swiping and pressing does not develop the fine motor hand and the supporting muscles for handwriting,” says McDougall. “The foundational aspects for handwriting need to be introduced to children in a structured manner at preschool level. This means the development of the foundational muscles and movement patterns for pencil control and handwriting. This should be done in conjunction with the graded introduction and development of other fine motor skills required for Grade 1, such as cutting, folding, manipulating and letter formation.”

As the American tycoon, author and engineer Lee Iacocca once said, “The discipline of writing something down is the first step toward making it happen.”

fun exercises Fun activities to help preschoolers develop fine motor skills: Hiding the toys You will need playdough and some small plastic animals. Hide the animals in the playdough. Your child must then pull off the dough to find the animal inside. To increase the challenge, roll some balls with no animals hiding in them.

Stamping Place a facecloth or absorbent cloth in a tray. Saturate the cloth with paint and use as a stamp pad. You can stamp all sorts of objects: for example, use a toy car to drive across the pad and then across a sheet of paper. You can also use plastic shapes to make an imprint and make stamps from stacking cups, leaves, shapes cut from potatoes and sponges and shapes from shape sorters. Remember to use a big piece of paper and encourage your child to use all of it.

Gluing Make your own glue by mixing half a cup of flour and three-quarters of a cup of cold water into a thin paste. Boil the mixture for a few minutes over a slow heat until thick. Stir constantly. Thin with cold water and let the mixture cool.

Store in an airtight container. You can start by making a collage. Cut out pictures from old cards, magazines or newspapers. Add bits of fabric, buttons or feathers to your picture collage.

Courtesy of Play Learn Know by Dr Melodie de Jager and Liz Victor (Metz Press)

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April 2015

19

parenting

programming

for life

Many parents use TV as a babysitter at times, but how does watching hours of cartoons affect a child’s

artoons can benefit children when they’re age-appropriate, support their developmental progress, aid in their cognitive, moral and social development, and encourage fantasy life, says KZN-based clinical psychologist Prof Lourens Schlebusch. “But when cartoons are used as babysitters, a child’s social interactions are with the fictitious characters in these shows. So many studies correlate aggressive behaviour with violence in cartoons as well as a desensitization to the suffering of others. It can cloud a child’s moral development and teach them negative models for social interaction,” he says.

Schlebusch suggests parents consider the nature of the shows, along with the amount of exposure children have to them, given their level of cognitive maturation, and ask: “What message does this show give my child?”

Senior vice president and country manager for The Walt Disney Company Africa, Christine Service, explains that Disney

creates their Disney Junior shows, targeting two to seven year olds, by working closely with parents and caregivers, utilising focus group research and an advisory board comprised of experts in the field of transmedia, storytelling, early education, language development, diversity, digital trends and literacy. All this guides Disney Junior’s learning and development curriculum. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, for example, introduces early mathematical skills and problem-solving, while Sofia the First gives girls a self-assured, independent and adventurous role model.

Nickelodeon brand head Tasania Parsadh says animators can take years to create a show. They consider the target age group, get input from psychologists on age-appropriate messages and try to support preschool curriculums. For example, Bubble Guppies is designed to support school readiness and develop emotional skills.

Dora the Explorer engages children in problem- and puzzle-solving and appreciation of difference and independence.

Being exposed to hours of violent cartoons can subliminally condition children that violence is an acceptable way to resolve conflict.

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ILLUSTRATIONS: © DISNEY 2015 / NICKELODEON

c

development? By DANIELLA RENZON

Patricia Hidalgo, content and creative chief officer for Turner Broadcasting EMEA, says that they take great care and pride developing shows for top children’s entertainment channels such as Cartoon Network and Boomerang.

Gauteng-based play therapist, Dr Sheri Davimes, says parents should use content as well as age-appropriateness to discern what their children watch. She says, “A show such as Barney may annoy parents, but it holds appropriate lessons for children, teaching them vital social skills such as sharing, taking turns and kindness. Cartoons such as Charlie and Lola or Handy Manny do the same.”

Davimes warns, however, that being exposed to hours of violent cartoons can subliminally condition children that violence is an acceptable way to resolve conflict or can help them get what they want. She says, “In real life it’s not funny to prank, hurt, tease and bully.”

Principal of Joburg-based Kairos School of Inquiry, Marc Loon says, “Cartoons are such an easy way to babysit a child that parents have become scared of their children saying, ‘I’m bored.’ This statement is actually a healthy opportunity for children to respond to an innate stimulus, to take initiative and discover their own creative, industrious, imaginative and even active potential.” When screen time begins to replace traditional forms of necessary functions such as childcare, imaginative play and social interaction, Loon cautions that cognitive problems are inevitable. These include: • the ordinary effort required to attend to a difficult activity, such as an academic task in the classroom, is suppressed because cartoons may train children to be passive; • the ordinary initiative required in imaginative play and social interaction in the child’s home environment is also suppressed; • attention problems can be expected when teachers inevitably can’t match the same level of exciting entertainment as a fast-paced cartoon programme;

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• children tend to become bored quickly and don’t know how to entertain themselves; • the suppression of physical movement during hours of TV watching will often “leak” out during classroom time or homework time.

attention, we have a problem

savvy parents • A merican Academy of Paediatrics recommends no TV for children under two and thereafter not more than two hours daily.

• Bedrooms should be TV- and computer-free zones.

• Mealtimes should not include TV. • Eye specialists recommend children sit at least 1,5 metres away from the screen and not in a dark room.

• Stick to age-appropriate shows, especially when older siblings are controlling the remote.

• Monitor what they watch and discuss the content if they’re exposed to shows they’re not emotionally mature enough to process.

• Just because others are watching certain programmes, doesn’t mean your child has to.

• Encourage more outdoor play to develop muscle tone, posture, concentration and sleep.

• Substitute TV viewing for family time. Go on a picnic, ride bikes or build Lego.

Professor of paediatrics and director at the Centre for Child Health, Behaviour and Development in Seattle, Dr Dimitri Christakis agrees. In his popular TEDtalk he discusses his research findings in the field: “Prolonged exposure to this rapid image change during this critical window of brain development can precondition the mind to expect high levels of input that can lead to inattention later in life.” His research found that the more TV children watched before the age of three, the more likely they were to have attention problems at school age. Each additional hour they watched increased their chances by 10%. Educational programmes did not increase the risk of developing attentional problems, but violent cartoons increased it by 100%. Conversely, each hour of cognitive stimulation children received, such as being read to, reduced their chances of developing attention problems by about 30%.

Cape Town-based child and family therapist Lara Stern adds, “Fast-paced cartoons can lead to sleep disturbances and night terrors. The bright lights affect melatonin levels and can overstimulate instead of regulate and calm children before bed.” She says studies found that children who watched age-appropriate cartoons have more peaceful sleep. Stern suggests we consider what our children would be doing if they weren’t on the couch watching cartoons. Concerns around fine and gross motor skills would naturally be improved and many other areas of a child’s development would also benefit.

April 2015

21

spotlight

too much information CHRISTINA CASTLE navigates the ethical quagmire that social media presents and realises how important it is that we think before we share.

names are there and I recognise the school uniform. I can also pretty much work out what area of Cape Town they are in. With just one click I sometimes have direct access to that child. And I could be anyone. I am anyone. I am not sure I am comfortable with that or if I would be comfortable with that if I were that child’s parent.

permission to post I wonder how my Facebook friends feel about this, so I put the question out there and within minutes I have an overwhelming response from Sydney to Singapore, Cape Town to Calgary, Bloemfontein to Buenos Aires. All the respondents have children aged somewhere between seven months and 27 years old. And their thinking is unanimous.

A four year old is more than likely oblivious to the fact that her gorgeous little face may be appearing on a variety of social media platforms for the entire world to see.

He seems to want a certain amount of control and privacy over the social media platforms he is active on. And while he is certainly of the age to verbalise (to me) exactly how he feels about the subject, a four year old is more than likely oblivious to the fact that her gorgeous little face may be appearing on a variety of social media platforms on a daily basis for the entire world to see. Is that okay?

So I logged on to Facebook, which I tend to do once a day, and trawled through the posts in my Facebook world.

It’s after the weekend, so the page is full of photos of Sunday family lunches, sports matches, birthday parties, surfing lessons, lost teeth, playdates, pets… you name it, it’s photographed. And in those photos are children I know and those I don’t know. But I know them now. Their

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“Posting without permission is a no-no.”

Fiona Gordon Turner, Cape Town “No permission, no posting. The truth is, it will continue to happen regardless.”

Sam Sporides, Joburg “If I would not post it on the large public billboard that I drive past on my way to work, then I don’t.”

Sean Moffat, Hilton “While I do still post, I am very mindful of what I post and almost never include pics of other parents’ children.”

Lynette Lawley Day, Cape Town “I post a pic every now and again.

However, I make sure that there are no labels attached – no school name, bus number, no name on her clothing, etc. – that could identify where she is and when.”

Kathleen Daily, New York “I stopped posting pics of my children years ago as I realised it’s not cool for

the same reason I don’t like my photo to be put up without my permission. I have advised my children to be very careful as Facebook is part of your CV.” Jill Cawse, Port Elizabeth “I have become more aware of what I post after reading an article about how the things you put on the internet linger for ages – the advice was not to post anything that would embarrass my children later in life.”

Catherine Pate, Porterville “I rarely post much stuff, but would only include friends and their children if I am sure they are okay with it. The permanency of stuff that gets posted does worry me, though.”

Tania Kerr, Sydney

likewise. Remember, the same social values apply regardless of the medium.

Okay, Alex, you win. You are right. It is “100% cringe” that I share a photo of you on Facebook without asking your permission first. I will instead just save it to the screen of my smartphone to show my friends. They can then tell me to my face how much you have grown and just how much you look like me. Some of them will even tell me they like it. #cringe

great responsibility From privacy to protection to permanency, this subject certainly has many parents aware of the responsibility required to manage their own social media activity and that of their children. However, we are talking across the generations here and while many parents are familiar with social media, our children are experts across all platforms: Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, YouTube, Instagram, Pinterest, Tumblr and more. Many children are using these platforms despite being under the legal age (13 years old in most cases).

And because many have access to these platforms via cellphones and other handheld devices, we do not have easy access to what our children and their friends are actually posting.

It is therefore critical that our children learn from an early age the responsible behaviour required when using social media. What is okay to post and what isn’t? What are the consequences of irresponsible posting? What goes online stays online – for years to come. Now that’s a difficult concept to grasp for a child who can’t think further than his next rugby game.

Social media is an exciting space that brings many of us lots of joy. Use it responsibly. Teach your children to do

how to stay one step ahead of your child’s social media activity • Familiarise yourself with all social media platforms.

• If your child is underage, do not sign them up. Age restrictions are there for a reason.

• Set the rules – make a set time of the day for social media interaction and be present when they are online.

• Encourage them to use the computer in a visible area of the house.

• Talk to your children about correct social media behaviour – its dangers and consequences.

• Show them the correct way to interact on social media. Don’t do or say anything on social media that you wouldn’t do or say to someone face-to-face.

• Establish privacy settings.

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PHOTOGRAPH / illustrations: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

a

lex likes to give the impression that he is parentless, that his existence in the world is miraculous. “It’s just cringe, Mom.” That was my 14 year old’s response when he realised I had tagged him in a photo on Facebook. I could always load a few gory pics of the C-section to prove that I’m his mother, but I just wouldn’t do that to him (or me, for that matter). Until that time in the relatively near future (I hope) that he begins to acknowledge my existence again, I will not post any photographs of him on any social media platform without asking him first.

He seems not to have an issue at all, however, when his 22-year-old cousin posts a photo of the two of them fishing. Or when a school mate’s dad has photographed and posted him looking ever-so-buff on the rugby field.

books

a good

read preschoolers

toddlers

Stick Man Book and Floor Puzzle

By Julia Donaldson and Axel Scheffler Darkness Slipped In

By Ella Burfoot

The Something

By Rebecca Cobb

Who’s In My Family?

By Robie H. Harris

(Published by Macmillan Children’s Books, R140) Daisy is busy playing when Darkness slips in through her bedroom window.

But she isn’t afraid – she takes him by the hand and together they dance the night away. With darkness imagined as a friendly night-time visitor, this playful rhyming story makes a great bedtime read for toddlers from the age of three years old, and it’s perfect for reassuring children who are afraid of the dark.

(Published by Macmillan Children’s Books, R127) Underneath the cherry tree in the garden is a small hole. Our little hero is convinced there is something in the hole. When his ball disappears down there, he can’t stop thinking about what could be hiding in it.

Is it a little mouse’s house? The lair of a hungry troll? Or maybe a dragon’s den?

Whatever it may be, he’s determined to find out. This is an imaginative adventure for children from three years old.

(Published by Walker Books, R145) This is a fun look at the many kinds of families that make up our world, for children from four years old. Join Nellie, Gus and their parents at the zoo, where they see all kinds of children and families, both animal and human. Then Nellie and Gus invite friends and relatives for a big dinner at home. The warm, humorous illustrations and friendly conversations will help young children feel that whoever is in their family, it is perfectly normal and wonderful.

(Published by Scholastic, R269) This gift box set includes rhyming fun from the creators of The Gruffalo. One morning, Stick Man goes for a jog and forgets to watch out for an excited dog. Suddenly Stick Man becomes the stick that the dog wants to use for his favourite trick, and soon Stick Man is being used for all sorts of things: a flag mast, a cricket bat, a river game. As summer changes to winter, Stick Man is lost and frozen. How will he get home to his family tree again, where his Stick Lady love and three stick children are waiting for him? Read this classic story then complete the big 24-piece floor puzzle.

preteens and teens

early graders Space Pirates: Stowaway!

By Jim Ladd

Get Into Art: Animals

By Susie Brooks

(Published by Nosy Crow, R120) The Space Pirates series for children from seven years old includes fast-paced, funny stories with gags galore. When Sam’s parents crash-land on Planet X, Sam asks his noisy neighbours for help, but they are black-hearted space pirates, only interested in treasure and singing space shanties. So Sam climbs into a barrel of alien gloop and stows away.

The three other books in the series are Stranded, Mutiny and Treasure.

(Published by Macmillan Children’s Books, R109) This is a brilliant new way to inspire children from seven years old to get into art. This activity series explores a wide range of artists’ work while encouraging children to develop their own skills and techniques. Get Into Art is perfect for active young artists of all abilities. Art projects are varied, intriguing and clearly explained and will act as a springboard for plenty of artistic experiments.

magazine pretoria

Homeroom Diaries

By James Patterson and Lisa Papademetriou

Gladiator: Son of Spartacus

By Simon Scarrow

(Published by Random House Group, R189) Margaret “Cuckoo” Clarke recently had a brief stay in a mental institution following an emotional breakdown, but she’s turning over a new leaf with her “Happiness Project”. She’s determined to beat down the bad vibes of the haters and all of the trials and tribulations of high school by writing and drawing in her diary. And when life gets really tough, she works through her own moments of uncertainty through imaginary conversations with her favourite literary characters. This is a very funny read for children from 12 years old.

(Published by Penguin Books, R119) Free from slavery, Marcus is determined to find and save his kidnapped mother.

Meanwhile, his master, Julius Caesar, wants Marcus to help destroy the bands of rebel slaves and their leader Brixus, who plans to unite a slave army and resurrect the cause of Spartacus. But Marcus and Brixus are old allies who share a lifethreatening secret. Now Marcus must choose between friend and master. Neither side will surrender. Bloodshed is certain.

This is the third book in the epic series for children from nine years old.

April 2015

23

books

parenting

for us A Song for Issy Bradley

By Carys Bray (Published by Random House Group, R257) This is the story of Ian Bradley – husband, father, maths teacher and Mormon bishop – and his unshakeable belief that everything will turn out alright if he can only endure to the end, like the pioneers did. It is also the story of his wife, Claire, and her desperate need for life to pause while she comes to terms with tragedy.

The book explores the outer reaches of doubt and faith, and of a family trying to figure out how to carry on when the innermost workings of their world have fallen apart.

24

April 2015

Overwhelmed

By Brigid Schulte (Published by Bloomsbury, R196) In her attempts to juggle work and family life, Schulte began to question whether it is possible to be anything you want to be, have a family and still have time to breathe. Seeking answers and inspiration, she explores the wiring of the brain, why workplaces are becoming increasingly demanding, worldwide differences in family policy, how cultural norms shape our experiences at work and why it’s so hard for everyone – but women especially – to feel they deserve a moment of peace.

Quick and Easy Weaning

By Annabel Karmel (Published by Random House Struik, R210) Weaning your baby can be a tricky milestone for any parent, but with her years of experience and wealth of expertise, Annabel Karmel is on hand to help. In this book she aims to take the stress out of your baby’s transition to solid food, guiding you through the weaning process step-by-step, from your baby’s very first purée to introducing more complex flavours and textures. The book also features 100 speedy, simple, yet delicious, recipes.

The Contented Baby Goes to School

By Gina Ford (Published by Vermilion, R225) Your child’s first days at school and nursery are exciting times, but they can be very daunting – for you and your child. In this book, Gina Ford helps you calm any fears with practical advice on preparing your child to be confident and capable of taking these important new steps. With practical exercises for developing skills, plus advice on overcoming any difficulties you might face, this book will ensure that both you and your child are fully prepared for this new stage in your lives.

magazine pretoria

resource

eat out specials Dining at any of these restaurants can save you some money and will be a real treat for the family. Compiled by SIMONE JEFFERY bruno’s at centurion lake hotel You don’t have to be a guest at the hotel to dine at the restaurant. They serve breakfast, lunch and dinner with à la carte and self-service options. The pool is unfortunately only for hotel guests, but there is a supervised play area.

Special offer The Sunday lunch buffet is free to children under 12 years old, limited to two children per paying adult, and consists of a lamb on the spit, grilled snoek, four types of grills, pasta, stir-fry, salads and dessert. Adults and children 12 years and older pay R135 for the buffet.

Booking essential.

Opening times Breakfast 6:30am–10am, lunch 12:30pm–2:30pm, dinner 6:30pm–10:30pm daily Location Centurion Lake Hotel, 1001 Lenchen Ave North, Centurion Contact 0861 BRUNOS (278667), brunos@legacyhotels. co.za or visit legacyhotels.co.za

purple cow restaurant They serve breakfast, lunch and dinner and have an indoor and outdoor play area. They also offer a make-and-bake pizza experience for children and free Wi-Fi. Special offer On Mondays, they offer a buy one, get one free burger special, only to eat in. On Tuesdays, the sushi is half-price (no takeaways). On Wednesdays, children under 12 eat free and are given a complimentary juice.

Opening times 7am–10pm daily Location ground floor, Midfield Clubhouse, Midstream Contact 012 940 3843, 072 128 9374, info@thepurplecow. co.za or visit Facebook: Purplecow.midstream

panarottis

spur steak ranches

This Italian-style eatery caters for the whole family, serving up generous portions of food made from fresh ingredients.

Focusing on convenience and health, you can also order wheat- and gluten-free pizza bases. Children get a free lucky packet with every children’s meal ordered, while the Dough-it-Yourself pizza tray is designed to let them create their own pizzas, right at the table.

Special offer “Children eat free on Sundays” allows children 12 years and younger to order their choice of any pizza or pasta from the children’s menu. On Tuesdays you can buy one, get one free when ordering any standard size pizza or pasta. Breakfast specials are only R24,90 each and include the unique Breakfast-on-Pizza. See the website for the full T&Cs for specials.

Opening times Open for breakfast, lunch and dinner; time varies depending on branch Location There are Panarottis branches located throughout South Africa and internationally Contact 086 000 7262 or visit panarottis.co.za

Ideal for families, Spur Steak Ranches offer a variety of family-friendly services, from the play areas and the colouring-in pages that arrive at your table, to the balloons and Secret Tribe magazine that’s free in-store. Burgers and steaks are always a treat, but you’ll also find chicken, seafood and vegetarian options on the menu.

Special offer On Mondays you can take advantage of their burger special – buy one burger, get one free – available all day; eat in only. On Thursdays they offer a bottomless ribs, wings or calamari special, which is available all day (eat in only, and no doggy bags). If you’re having a birthday party at Spur, the birthday child gets a free meal.

Opening times Open for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Time varies depending on branch Location There are Spur branches located throughout South Africa as well as 29 international outlets Contact 0860 007 787 or visit: spur.co.za

primi pulse in centurion PHOTOGRAPH: shutterstock.com

Location Centurion Gate Centre, cnr Akkerboom St and John Vorster Dr, Zwartkops, Centurion Contact 012 663 2950 or visit primi-world.com

They specialise in pasta and pizza and also offer a variety of meat, fish and chicken dishes and free-range burgers.

Wheat-free pasta is available. Children are catered for with a special Primi pods menu and can take part in dough rolling and pizza making. There is a small outdoor playground.

Special offer Every Sunday, children 12 years and younger eat free for each accompanying parent ordering a main meal. The special is available all day.

Opening times 7am–11pm Monday–Saturday, 8am–11pm Sunday and public holidays magazine pretoria

the barn restaurant at irene dairy farm Irene Dairy Farm is one of the oldest and the only working dairy farm in Gauteng, where the cows get milked daily from about 2pm. The restaurant is set inside a renovated barn with outdoor seating under 100-year-old oak trees.

They serve braai buffets for lunch on Saturdays and public holidays, and hearty breakfast and lunch buffets on Sundays. There is a jungle gym and old tractors for children to play on and you can take a walk around the farm to see the calves and other animals.

Special offer Children six to 12 years old pay half-price for any buffet meal when accompanied by an adult, while

children under six years old eat free for buffet meals. Costs vary from R129,95 to R179,95.

Opening times À la carte menu: 7am–5pm Tuesday– Friday, 8am–12pm Saturday; buffets: 12:30pm–3pm Saturday, Sunday and public holidays, 8am–11:30am Sunday and public holidays Location Irene Dairy Farm, Nellmapius Dr, Centurion Contact 012 667 4822, barn@ireneestate.co.za or visit irenefarm.co.za

the godfather restaurant This is a cosy steakhouse with an outside deck area, a kitchen boutique shop within the restaurant, and a pub with a jukebox. The restaurant doesn’t have a children’s play area.

Special offer Children under 12 years old eat free from 6pm–7:30pm Monday–Saturday, and for Sunday lunch (maximum three children accompanied by two dining adults).

Opening times 12pm–9:30pm Monday, 12pm–10:30pm Tuesday–Friday, 6pm–10:30pm Saturday, 12pm– 8:30pm Sunday Location 2 Biella Centre, cnr Heuwel Ave and Crawford Rd, Centurion Contact 012 663 1859, steve@godfather.co.za or visit godfather.co.za

villa san giovanni This is an Italian restaurant with a view of Wonderboom Airport’s runway. Children can make their own pizzas and enjoy the outdoor playground.

Special offer On Mondays, you can buy any pizza or pasta and get the cheaper one free, available from 12pm–8pm; eat in only. On Tuesdays, for every adult main dish one children’s meal is free, available from 12pm–8pm; eat in only.

Opening times 7am–9pm Monday–Thursday, 7am–10pm Friday, 8am–10pm Saturday, 8am–5pm Sunday Location Wonderboom Airport, main terminal building, Linvelt Rd, Wonderboom Contact 012 543 0501/0843/1736, info@vsg.co.za or visit vsg.co.za

wimpy One of South Africa’s leading quick-service restaurants offers a wide range of burgers, along with breakfast.

Special offer If your child orders off the children’s menu they get a free drink.

Opening times Varies per store Location All over South Africa Contact 011 315 3000, 0860 094 679, info@wimpy.co.za or visit wimpy.co.za April 2015

25

calendar

You can also access the calendar online at

what’s on in april

childmag.co.za

Your guide for what to do, where to go and who to see.

Compiled by SIMONE JEFFERY

5

sun

special events

27

FUN for children

27

only for parents

28

bump, baby & tot in tow

29

how to help

29

SPECIAL EVENTS

FUN FOR CHILDREN

ONLY FOR PARENTS

bump, baby & tot in tow

how to help

DinosAlive – The Exhibition This exhibition tells the story of dinosaurs from the Mesozoic Era about 250 million years to 65 million years ago.

Workshop: healthy and effective communication for couples Take a look at the different methods of communicating and all their pitfalls.

Expectant Parents seminar An informative morning for parents expecting multiples and singletons.

67 Blankets for Mandela Day Knit or crochet a blanket for people in need by 21 April.

26

April 2015

magazine pretoria

PHOTOGRAPHS: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

Easter egg hunt @ Cedar Junction The Easter Bunny has scattered a few chocolate surprises at Cedar Junction.

18 saturday The Royal Drakensberg MTB Challenge A fun weekend packed with entertainment for the whole family. There is a family fun ride and 1km walk on Saturday, a supervised Kids Zone and the Extreme Classic, intermediate and beginners’ rides on the Sunday. Ends 19 April. Time: varies. Venue: All Out Adventures, Northern Berg, Drakensberg.

For more info: visit royaldrakmtb.co.za

2 April – Stars of Sandstone

SPECIAL EVENTS 2 thursday Stars of Sandstone A fun-filled steam heritage festival and a reminder of the trains, planes and transport of yesteryear.

The collection includes two-foot narrow gauge locomotives, steam traction engines, vintage agricultural machinery, old cars, buses, aircraft and a collection of military vehicles. Space is limited. Ends 12 April.

Time: all day. Venue: Sandstone Estates, near Ficksburg, Eastern Free State. Cost: varies. Contact: 011 805 4692/6530 or visit sandstone-estates.com

4 saturday Bester Birds Easter egg hunt Meet their rabbits and the Easter Bunny, take part in face painting, a colouring-in corner and an Easter egg hunt. Ends 6 April. Time: 9am–5pm; Easter egg hunt 9am–11am.

Venue: Bester Birds and Animals Zoo Park, Simon Vermooten Rd, Willow Glen.

Cost: adults R50, pensioners R40, children R45. Contact: 012 807 4192 or admin@ besterbirdsanimals.co.za

5 sunday Easter egg hunt @ Cedar Junction Search for the hidden Easter eggs and spend the afternoon enjoying train trips around the lake, the zipline, mountain bike and walking trails, pedal boats, jungle gyms and more. For 1–12 year olds. Time: 8am–4:30pm; Easter egg hunt 10am–11am and 1pm–2pm. Venue: Cedar Junction, plot 404, Graham Rd, Zwavelpoort. Cost: adults R20, children R30, includes swimming pool with slide, trampoline, jungle gyms and toddler play area. Contact: 012 811 1183 or visit cedarjunction.co.za

The bunny hop Race around the Easter Bunny’s trail to find hidden sweets and various other items in exchange for a chocolate bunny and sweet hamper. There is a jumping castle and children can meet the Easter Bunny. Pre-order a picnic to enjoy on the lawn or book a table at the restaurant. Booking essential. For 3–12 year olds. Time: 9am–11am. Venue: Ludwig’s Roses, 61 Haakdoornlaagte, Wallmansthal.

Cost: Easter egg hunt R130 per child; picnics: adults R200, adult vegetarian R190, children R75. Contact: 012 544 0144 or visit ludwigsroses.co.za

6 monday Friends of the Rail Enjoy a day out on a genuine steam locomotive as it chuffs its way to the small mining town of Cullinan. Once there, you can visit some of the craft shops, galleries and museums. Also 27 April. Time: 8am–6pm. Venue: Hermanstad Railway Station, 152 Miechaelson St, Daspoort.

Cost: adults R250, pensioners R200, children 13–18 years old R175, children 7–12 years old R150, children 2–6 years old R100. Contact: 082 098 6186 or visit friendsoftherail.com

19 sunday Rosemary Hill Trail Run Enjoy a wonderful day on the 6km, 10km and 20km trails and relax on the lawns in the shade of the trees. There is a market, gourmet food, craft beer and lots for the children to do. For adults and children 7 years and older. Time: registration 6am–7:15am, race starts 7:30am. Venue: Rosemary Hill Farm, Pretoria East. Cost: 6km R80, 10km R90, 20km R110. Contact: 083 294 5260 or visit wildtrail.co.za

25 saturday Fundraising dog walk Take your socialised dogs on a 1,8km or 2,8km walk in aid of Husky Heaven Rescue. There is a tea garden where you can buy refreshments.

Time: 6:30am–8:30am. Venue: Smuts House Museum, Irene, Centurion. Cost: R30 per person, R10 per dog. Contact: 071 897 3872, jane@huskyheavenrescue.co.za or visit huskyrescue.co.za Polymer clay workshop – on glass Using polymer clay you can personalise a salt-and-pepper shaker with funky patterns and designs. Take along a rolling pin, wet wipes and a craft knife. Booking essential.

For adults and children 6 years and older.

Time: 9am–12pm. Venue: Moot area (address given on booking confirmation).

Cost: R250 per person. Contact: 083 456 1903 or visit hostesspro.co.za

FUN FOR CHILDREN art, culture and science

25 April – Fundraising dog walk

DinosAlive – The Exhibition This exhibition tells the story of dinosaurs from the Mesozoic Era around 250 million years to 65 million years ago. There are 25 life-size animatronic dinosaurs as well as dino rides, excavation

sandpits, a dino movie and a jumping castle.

11 April–17 May. Time: 9am–5pm. Venue: Tshwane Events Centre, Soutter St, Pretoria West. Cost: R85–R120, family ticket (two adults and two children) R350. For more info: visit dinosalive.co.za The Industrial Karoo – Fear and Loss The exhibition presents artworks that probe themes of conflict, capitalism and environmental destruction in the Karoo.

4 March–26 April. Time: 10am–5pm Tuesday–Sunday. Venue: South Gallery, Pretoria Art Museum, cnr Francis Baard St and Wessels St, Arcadia Park, Arcadia. Cost: R5–R22. Contact: 012 358 6750 or art. museum@tshwane.gov.za

classes, talks and workshops C’est genial French classes for 4–12 year olds. Booking essential. Time: 3pm–4pm every Thursday. Venue: 99 Rivier St, Sunnyside Pretoria. Cost: R1 800 for six months, workbook R220. Contact: 012 343 6563 or info.pretoria@alliance.org.za

3 fri

The Art of The Brick Lego fans look forward to viewing up to 75 art sculptures created from more than a million Lego bricks by US artist Nathan Sawaya.

There is a PlayStation gaming area, a Lego building zone and more.

Ends 2 August. Time: 9am–6pm.

Venue: The Zone @ Rosebank, 177 Oxford Rd, Rosebank. Cost: adults R140, children under 18 years old R95, children under 2 years old free. For more info: visit theartofthebricksa.co.za

family marketplace

magazine pretoria

April 2015

27

calendar Animals Zoo Park, Simon Vermooten Rd, Willow Glen. Cost: R290 per child for the week, which excludes lunch. Children need to take their own food. Contact: 012 807 4192 or admin@besterbirdsanimals.co.za

markets

30 March–2 April and 6–9 April – Brazilian Soccer Schools holiday camp

Chilled out yoga and mindfulness classes Children 6–12 years old have fun learning yoga postures and playing games, which improves strength, flexibility and coordination. Time: 2:15pm. Venue: Alkantrant Library, cnr Lynburn Rd and Daventry Rd, Lynwood Manor. Cost: R50 per class. Contact: 072 645 2984 or thechilledoutchild@gmail.com Chocolate fun workshop Mini chocolatiers create Rice Krispies cakes, finger paint chocolate moulds and decorate a mini pizza with chocolate. For 8–13 year olds, younger children may be accompanied by an adult by prior arrangement. 11 April. Time: 10am–12pm.

Venue: Snyman Sjokolateur Boutique Factory, Waterkloof Ridge. Cost: R135 per child per event. Contact: 074 140 1087 or info@snymanchocolates.com

family outings Guided tours of Van Gaalen Kaasmakerij See how cheese is made and taste the special Dutch cheese. Time: 10am every Wednesday and Saturday. Venue: Van Gaalen, at the R560 and R512 T-junction, Skeerpoort. Cost: R90, which includes a cheese tasting, a cup of coffee or juice and a slice of Dutch apple cake. Contact: 012 207 1289 or info@vangaalen.co.za Hooked on Brookwood Trout Farm Pack a picnic basket and enjoy a relaxing afternoon fishing and picnicking on the banks of the Blaauwbank River. Time: 7:30am–6pm Monday–Friday, 6am–6pm Saturday and Sunday. Venue: off the R374, Muldersdrift. Cost: entrance fee: adults R70, children under 12 years old R50, rod hire R40, trout per kg R95. Contact: 011 957 0126, 082 856 2448 or visit brookwoodtroutfarm.co.za

The Bushbabies Monkey Sanctuary, R104, Hartbeespoort (next to the Elephant Sanctuary). Cost: adults R210, pensioners R195, children 4–14 years old R105.

Contact: 012 258 9908/9, 071 791 7712 or visit monkeysanctuary.co.za

holiday programmes Brazilian Soccer Schools holiday camp Learn new soccer skills, make new friends and improve your level of play in a fun, safe and friendly environment. For 4–13 year olds. 30 March–2 April and 6–9 April.

Time: 8:30am–12pm. Venue: Brazilian Soccer Schools, Pretoria East CSIR, 627 Meiring Naude, Brummeria. Cost: R650.

Contact: 079 254 9355 or pchiveso@ braziliansoccerschoolssa.com Pretoria Youth Theatre’s acting course Acting classes for 5–14 year olds.

7–8 April or 20 April. Time: 7–8 April: 8:30am–12:30pm, 20 April: 8:30am–4pm.

Venue: Irene Village Theatre, 1 Pioneer Rd, Irene. Cost: R450 per course, R800 for both. Contact: 012 653 5398, 084 804 0546 or tshwaneyouththeatre@gmail.com Zoo Crew holiday fun Children 4–11 years old can be zoo keepers for a week.

They help feed the animals and learn more about wildlife and animal care.

Booking essential. 30 March–3 April. Time: 8am–4:30pm. Venue: Bester Birds and

28

April 2015

on stage and screen All Directions A tribute to the music of the British boy band, One Direction. Also featured are songs from other stars as performed by them on The X Factor. 4 and 9 April. Time: 2pm. Venue: Barnyard Theatre Parkview, Parkview Shopping Centre, Moreleta Park.

Cost: R100. Contact: 012 368 1555 or visit barnyardtheatre.co.za Avengers: Age of Ultron When Tony Stark tries to jumpstart a dormant peacekeeping programme, things go awry and it is up to The Avengers to stop the villainous Ultron from enacting his terrible plans. Premieres 24 April in cinemas nationwide. For more info: visit numetro.co.za or sterkinekor.com Cinderella A live-action feature that brings to life the timeless images from Disney’s 1950s animated masterpiece in a visually dazzling spectacle. Premieres 3 April in cinemas nationwide. For more info: visit disney.com/Cinderella Jack and the Beanstalk Find out what happens when Jack gets hold of a bag of magic beans in this fairytale with spectacular costumes, vibrant characters and a witty script. 1–18 April. Time: 10:30am and 2:30pm, 11 and 17 April 6:30pm.

Venue: Irene Village Theatre, 1 Pioneer Rd, Irene. Cost: R80–R100. Book through Computicket: visit computicket.com The Book of Life An animated comedy about the journey of Manolo, a young man who is torn between fulfilling the expectations of his family and following his heart. Premieres 24 April in cinemas nationwide. For more info: visit numetro. co.za or sterkinekor.com

sport and physical activities

finding nature and outdoor play Farmyard fun Run and play in a large established garden and interact with the variety of farm animals, including donkeys, potbellied pigs, calves, guinea pigs and rabbits. There is a quaint tea garden serving classic tea garden dishes, or if you prefer to lounge on the lawns you can purchase a pre-packed picnic basket. Time: 8am–5pm, daily. Venue: Willow Feather Farm, portion 37, Doornkloof, Irene. Cost: R10 entry. Contact: 072 219 4831 or visit willowfeather.co.za Monkeys on a mission This primate sanctuary offers guided tours through indigenous forests on elevated walkways where you can view a variety of exotic primates. Time: 9am–4pm daily. Venue:

The Stall night market A monthly market with a host of stall holders selling food and handcrafted products. 30 April.

Time: 5pm–9pm. Venue: Southdowns Shopping Centre, cnr John Vorster St and Karee St, Irene, Centurion. Cost: free entry. Contact: 012 665 1310 or visit southdownscentre.co.za

Market @ The Collection Enjoy an evening with family and friends in a beautiful garden setting with food, art and crafts stalls, a vintage car, mini car and train collection, live music, a fully licensed bar, a children’s play area and face painting. Time: 4pm–8pm every Friday. Venue: 5 Boendoe Rd, on Garsfontein Rd, just after Woodlands Shopping Centre. Cost: adults R20, children free. Contact: 012 993 3638 or visit thecollection.co.za

Surfing in Centurion Grab a board and hit the waves at Forest Hill City’s indoor wave pool with four different levels to choose from. The centre also offers a tenpin bowling alley, Olympic-size ice rink and an arcade with bumper cars. Suitable for children 6 years and older. Time: 10am–6pm Wednesday–Sunday. Venue: cnr Marie St and Marius Ave, Monavoni, Centurion.

Cost: R50 for 20 minutes. Contact: 078 043 2739 or visit foresthillcity.co.za

Cliffhanger The Climbing Barn is an indoor climbing gym suitable for children and adults. They also offer comprehensive introductory courses for beginners with no prior experience. Time: 4pm–9pm Monday–Friday, 10am–8pm Saturday, 10am–6pm Sunday and public holidays.

Venue: Climbing Barn, plot 210, Korhaan St, Mooiplaats. Cost: adults R70, students R65, children R60. Contact: 082 335 3220 or visit climbingbarn.co.za Little Kickers trial class Boys and girls 18 months–8 years old are introduced to soccer skills through fun games and activities.

Booking essential. Time: 9am–11am every Saturday. Venues: Club Sport Maritimo, cnr Richard St and Park St, Hatfield, and Sport Park, cnr Kruger Ave and Cantonments Rd, Lyttleton. Cost: free. Contact: 072 222 4147 or visit littlekickers.co.za

Surfing in Centurion

only for parents classes, talks and workshops An introduction to mindfulness Gain a greater understanding of the benefits of using mindfulness to reduce anxiety and stress. Booking essential. For adults and children 12 years and older. 18 April. Time: 10am–12pm. Venue: Mindful Living Studio, Cullinan Golf Course, Main Rd, Cullinan.

Cost: R200 per person, R250 for one adult and their teenager, which includes an introductory manual and CD. Contact: 072 645 2984 or visit mindfullivingacademy.com Workshop: healthy and effective communication for couples A practical workshop that looks at the different methods of communication and their pitfalls. Identify your negative patterns of interaction and learn how to turn them into effective communication. Booking essential.

25 April. Time: 9am–11:30am. Venue: Vita Nova Counselling Centre, 615 Vampire St, Elarduspark. Cost: R550 per couple. Contact: 082 541 4357 or visit vitanova.co.za

on stage and screen Andrew Lloyd Webber favourites The Gauteng Philharmonic Orchestra performs songs by Andrew Lloyd Webber. 17 and 19 April. Time: 8pm Friday, 3pm Sunday. Venue: Brooklyn Theatre, Greenlyn Village Centre, Menlo Park. Cost: R160–R310. Contact: 012 460 6033 or visit brooklyntheatre.co.za Sonwabo Live in Concert Sonwabo, a gospel artist from the Eastern Cape, is launching his third album and shooting a live DVD. 18 April. Time: 7pm. Venue: Atterbury Theatre, 4 Daventry St, Lynnwood. Cost: R200. Contact: 012 471 1700 or visit atterburytheatre.co.za

out and about Chef’s table: tacit and tactile Enjoy popular Karoo food with a twist. The tacit addresses the comfort of the popular ingredients we associate with the Karoo: ostrich eggs, springbok, figs and olives.

Beyond that lies the tactile challenge: to taste Karoo veldkos, to eat with your hands, to touch the Karoo soil. Booking essential. magazine pretoria

first class free, R80 per class. Contact: 072 787 0608 or visit babynastics.co.za Expectant parents seminar An informative morning for parents expecting multiples and singletons. 18 April. Time: 8:30am–1pm. Venue: Accolades, 72 Dale Rd, Midrand. Cost: R300. Contact: 072 049 7891 or marionsmith129@gmail.com

it’s party time

playtime and story time Play time at C’est La Vie Relax with a cup of coffee as your little ones explore the play area that is sectioned according to age group. Time: 9am–5pm Wednesday– Saturday and public holidays, 9am–2pm Sunday. Venue: cnr End St and Blackwood Ave, Clubview. Cost: play area entrance fee: R20–R40 per child from Wednesday– Friday, R20–R60 per child Saturday, Sunday and public holidays. Contact: 012 654 0220 or visit c-estlavie.co.za 16 April – Chef’s table: tacit and tactile

16 April. Time: 12pm. Venue: Pretoria Art Museum, cnr Francis Baard St and Wessels St, Arcadia Park, Arcadia. Cost: R350. Contact: 012 460 7996 or deli@ carltoncafe.co.za

support groups Famsa Pretoria Providing assistance to families and individuals in need of counselling. Venue: 218 Lange St, Brooklyn.

Contact: 012 460 0733/8, 079 656 7286 or visit famsapretoria.co.za

For more help planning your child’s party visit

childmag.co.za/ resources/birthday-parties

support groups Breast-feeding support The La Leche League offers mother-to-mother sharing of information and support to mothers who want to breast-feed their babies. Contact: 012 345 4898, 012 654 6961, Petro: 083 656 1604 or visit llli.org/southafrica.html Deaf Federation of South Africa For assistance, consultation and advice on deaf education. Contact: 011 482 1610 or visit deafsa.co.za

bump, baby & Tot in tow

classes, talks and workshops Babies at Clamber Club Movement and stimulation classes for babies 2–12 months old. Time: varies. Venues: Lynnwood and Wierda Park. Cost: varies. Contact Lynnwood: 082 563 4522, Wierda Park: 082 325 6171 or visit clamberclub.com BabyGym Learn techniques to stimulate your baby’s senses, brain and muscles.

For babies from birth–1 year old. Starts 10 and 25 April. Time: 10am every Friday and Saturday. Venue: Empowering Mothers, 366 Snowy Walker St, Garsfontein, Pretoria.

Cost: R790 for five weeks. Contact: 084 220 0548 or visit babygym.co.za Babynastics stimulation classes An occupational therapist- and paediatricianendorsed stimulation programme where babies learn through play, developing all their senses and being encouraged to interact and move through fun-filled activities. For children 2 months–12 months old. Time: classes for 2–6 month olds 10:30am–11:30am, 6–9 month olds 12pm–1pm, 9–12 month olds 1:30pm–2:30pm, every Monday. Venue: Parentwood – Baby and Family Wellness Centre, 103 North St, Rietondale. Cost:

Deaf Federation of South Africa

The Association for Autism Support and guidance for parents of children with autism.

Contact: 012 993 4628 or visit afa.org.za

how to help 67 Blankets for Mandela Day South Africans are encouraged to knit or crochet a blanket by 21 April to keep needy people warm and create a world record in the process. The blankets will be spread across the lawns of the Union Buildings in Pretoria at the feet of the Nelson Mandela statue before being donated to charity organisations around the country. Blankets can be dropped off at Auto and General Theatre on the Square in Sandton, Auto and General Park in Midrand and The Saxon Hotel, Villas and Spa in Sandhurst. Cost: free. Contact: 0617 67 67 67 or visit 67blankets.co.za

don’t miss out!

For a free listing, email your event to pretoria@childmag.co.za or fax it to 011 234 4971. Information must be received by 1 April for the May issue, and must include all relevant details. No guarantee can be given that it will be published. To post an event online, visit childmag.co.za

magazine pretoria

April 2015

29

finishing touch

hustle and bustle ANÉL LEWIS learns a few lessons in patience from her children.

30

April 2015

in. And then came the really tricky part – moving forward. I started to get frustrated.

At work, I am teased for my tendency to rush from one place to the next. As one colleague said, I tend to “bustle”, often at great speed. Walking leisurely is not my strong point. So, as you can imagine, doing the slip-slop shuffle was a real test of my patience.

But then, instead of urging Conor to hurry up, I decided to slow down and match his tentative steps. I looked down at my boy learning a new skill and delighted in the touch of his hand trustingly clasped around mine. Life can be so frenetic – I am really trying to find joy in the many special moments I share with my children.

Children are great teachers of patience – something I never expected to have in such short supply when I became a parent. These lessons in calmness can manifest themselves in the strangest ways. Like when I suddenly find myself standing for almost an hour

next to the railway line so that Conor can see the train go past just once, or leaving the house with Mardi Gras blue eyeshadow after a makeover session from Erin.

When she first came to me with my make-up bag, as we were about to dash out of the house, I was irritated. We would be late for school. There would be traffic. But if I said no, I would miss out on a precious bonding moment with my daughter.

She was thrilled to be part of my morning routine, and was quite opinionated about what I should wear to match my newlypainted face. And it wasn’t the sensible heels I had picked out earlier, the ones that would allow me to dash from one appointment to the next in my customary way.

It was my old pair of slip-slops – and there was no chance I could bustle about in those.

Anél Lewis now wears slips-slops to work on Fridays, just as a reminder that life is not always about the bustle.

I looked down at my boy learning a new skill and delighted in the touch of his hand trustingly clasped around mine.

Erin, Anél and Conor

magazine pretoria

PHOTOGRAPH: Susie Leblond Photography

t

here’s a wonderful saying about not really knowing someone until you have stood in, and walked around in, their shoes. Well, I could add to that and say you don’t really know the true meaning of patience until you have watched a two year old putting on slip-slops for the first time, and then trying to walk in them. Have you ever tried to explain to a headstrong toddler the seemingly simple motion of moving their feet in a shoe so that the V-shaped thingy is squeezed between their toes and they can move forward? I don’t even know the technical terms for the parts of a slip-slop, so imagine how much fun I had trying to explain it to Conor. But, he had watched Erin glide effortlessly into her pair of sandals and he was determined to do the same.

It took a while to get the shoes on, and the left one kept on sliding between the third and fourth toe, instead of between the big toe and the second one. But eventually Conor managed to get both feet

book extract

laid-back

delicious These unfussy recipes from PHILLIPPA CHEIFITZ’s Lazy Days use local produce in easy, mouthwatering dishes that will not disappoint.

marinated mushroom and mozzarella sandwiches serves 4

grilled whole eggplants with bruschetta

ingredients • 250g portabellini mushrooms, cleaned and sliced • 200g soft mozzarella ball, torn into shreds • basil leaves for the marinade, mix together • ½ cup olive oil • juice of 1 large lemon • 1 clove garlic • crushed sea salt and milled black pepper

serves 6

method Mix the mushrooms and mozzarella with the marinade. Leave for a few hours or overnight in the fridge. Use as a sandwich filling together with the basil leaves.

ingredients • 6 medium eggplants (or allow 1 per person) • olive oil • fresh lemon juice • sea salt and milled black pepper for the bruschetta • ciabatta loaf, sliced • olive oil • 1 head garlic, halved

method Prick the eggplants and grill on the braai until charred outside and meltingly soft inside. To make the bruschetta, brush the sliced bread with olive oil, then toast over the coals. Remove and smear with the halved head of garlic.

To serve the eggplant, slash a cross on top of each one, squash the sides to open and flavour with olive oil, lemon juice and seasoning.

braaied fish steaks with lemon and basil dressing serves 4 ingredients • 4 fish steaks, about 750g • sea salt and milled black pepper • olive oil for the dressing, blend together • cup olive oil • ¼ cup fresh lemon juice • handful of basil leaves • grated zest of 1 lemon • sea salt and milled black pepper for serving • hot steamed potato slices • shredded crispy lettuce

baked peaches with raspberries

method Season and oil the fish. Grill over the coals until starting to char but still moist inside.

Immediately place on a pile of potato slices and lettuce, drench with dressing and serve.

PHOTOGRAPHS: CRAIG FRASER

about the book Lazy Days (Quivertree Publications) by Phillippa Cheifitz is a stunning cookbook that embraces the laid-back nature of holidays on the West Coast, so typically characterised by white silky sands, hot sun and cold ocean waters. The recipes selected for this cookbook perfectly complement such long and lazy days where people can take short siestas, sunset strolls and enjoy picnics or braais, afternoon teas and sundowners. The food is simple and delicious, showing off the local best.

The cookbook has wonderful variety, including food for picnics, light lunches, braais and long lazy dinners, with the accent on family meals. Lazy Days is available at good bookstores for R345.

serves 6 ingredients • 6 firm ripe dessert peaches • ¾ cup sweet wine for serving • fresh raspberries • icing sugar • fresh mint • vanilla ice cream or cream (optional) method Halve the peaches and remove the stones. Place in a baking dish. Pour over the wine and bake at 190°C for 15 minutes or until tender. Serve chilled, filled with raspberries, sprinkled with icing sugar and garnished with mint. If you like, serve with vanilla ice cream or cream.