Child magazine | PTA October 2013

P r e t o r i a’ s

b e s t

g u i d e

f o r

pa r e n t s

dealing with

difference

seeing children for who they really are

fear factor

when children become overwhelmed

allergy alert common causes often overlooked

fun and game a toddler on safari

plus

www.childmag.co.za

October 2013

free

health

midlife crisis

keeping your health in check

education

entertainment

Hunter House P UB L IS H ING

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As I paged through this “dealing with difference” issue, I was struck by a common and all-too-familiar thread – intense fear.

Fear has many faces. It can be overwhelming for children, and parents, to try to come to terms with the psychological and physical aspects of this commanding emotion. I have a friend who is currently going through a divorce.

It’s devastating for her but terrifying for her daughter, who has been to the doctor often, only to be told she is not sick. This little girl fears losing her family, so she can’t sleep at night and it’s making her physically ill.

This month, Donna Cobban, who was once our features editor and now residing in New Zealand, writes about her son’s food fears (see page 12). Pinpointing the real cause of a child’s fear is only the

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beginning of getting them past it. “Fear it seems, is a powerful emotion and it deserves space, time and understanding,” writes Donna.

It’s our job to model non-anxious behaviour for our children, regardless of our own fears. I know it’s easier said than done, but we should aim to raise children who have sound coping mechanisms if they are to flourish in an ever-changing, often scary world. We also need to ask for help, and learn to accept it.

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October 2013

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contents october 2013

upfront

8 pregnancy news – it’s noninvasive there is a new test for

3 a note from lisa 5 over to you readers respond

genetic fetal abnormalities with no risk to your baby. By Anél Lewis

9 best for baby – you’re not alone Tania Wener shares her

features 12 food fear Donna Cobban tells the story of her son choking and the emotional repercussions of the ordeal

14 a toddler in the wild Angus Begg and his two-year-old son, Fynn, go on safari in the Lowveld

16 midlife crazy leading a healthy lifestyle should make the middle years child’s play, says Marc de Chazal

18 divorce dilemma Gary Koen looks at the impact that divorce and an unhappy marriage can have on children

health

rollercoaster experience with reflux

10 dealing with difference Brian Hayward and Cassandra Shaw explain what the revolutionary method Floortime is all about

22 resource – free for all Child magazine shares a few recipes that are free from common allergens

23 a good read for the whole family 24 what’s on in october 30 finishing touch date nights are

7 fruit with a bite Marina Zietsman looks into oral allergy syndrome

as scarce as hen’s teeth in Anél Lewis’ home

regulars

classified ads

6 upfront with paul allowing your

25 family marketplace

children to develop sophisticated palettes can cause havoc, says Paul Kerton

29 let’s party

this month’s cover images are supplied by:

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October 2013

Joburg

Cape Town

Durban

Pretoria

Jean Bourget Photo: Olivier Ribardière Jelli Children’s Boutique

Photo: CaseyBertie.com Clothing: Earthchild.co.za

Ackermans ackermans.co.za

shutterstock.com

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over to you in response to “a world of difference” My son is five years old and has Down’s syndrome. It has been an emotional rollercoaster ride simply to have him admitted to a day care, that I can’t imagine what we’ll be faced with once he is ready for school. We have heard the most ridiculous excuses as to why they [a “normal” school] cannot accept him. From “they are destructive children” to “I will have to appoint a nurse as they are not healthy children”. I found a day mother who looked after him from the age of eight months until he was four years old. Unfortunately she had to close her centre. During that time his progress was amazing. He learnt so much from his “normal” peers. After she closed we had the daunting task of finding another centre for him. No one was prepared to take the risk of having him at their school. Nonetheless, he is at a special needs school, and I appreciate that he has been accepted, but his progress is not the same.

Inclusion is the best way forward for him, but the reality is that society does not seem ready for it. I pray that people will realise that we all have our disabilities; some are just more evident. All I want for him is to be able to reach his full potential. I am worried about how other children will

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letters

Let us know what’s on your mind. Send your letters or comments to marina@childmag.co.za or PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010.

treat him if he is ever accepted into a mainstream school. I know it won’t be an easy transition for everyone involved, but I need to give him every opportunity to grow and learn and become his own person.

Thanks to the educators who go the extra mile. We all have a responsibility to shape the minds of the future.

Anonymous

the bully teacher Bullying is a very real phenomenon and in many cases takes place on the school grounds in front of teachers, who for some reason don’t regard it as serious. However, it can have profound effects on the victimised child. This child might start believing that they have “provoked” the bullying.

It can even manifest itself with teachers using bullying tactics on children. While parents need to start taking responsibility for the disciplining of their children, I just hope that complaints against the teacher are taken seriously. I grew up in a time when “the teacher was always right” and I didn’t have the courage to even tell my parents of certain actions by some teachers.

Anonymous

lack of a reading culture In response to the article “read to write” (September 2013): I know not everyone is privileged to grow up in a home where reading and books are an important part of everyday life, but I still find it shocking to see how many parents have an almost lacklustre attitude towards books.

A recent study showed that as little as 14 percent of South Africans read, and as little as one percent buy books.

One Sunday paper did a survey among their readers. The question was: when was the last time you read a book?

Fifty-four percent said that they’ve read a book in the last month and 27 percent said they didn’t read books. As the American writer and philosopher, Elbert Hubbard said: “This will never be a civilised country until we expend more money for books than we do for chewing gum.”

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October 2013

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upfront with paul

off the menu Sometimes variety can be more trouble than it’s worth. PAUL KERTON speaks

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’m all for giving children choices in every sphere of life, but when it comes to food, if you’re not careful, you can be too lenient at too early an age, and end up making a rod for your back. I used to hate olives as a child, but my children were eating olives and Parmesan cheese before they could talk, which we thought was “oh so continental” at the time, but this can get out of control. When I was growing up, the most exotic food you could get was an orange. Today you can get any ingredient from the remotest corner of the world fresh at your local supermarket, and tastes have changed radically.

I don’t really mind what my children eat, providing it is healthy and nutritious and as long as they eat the same thing at the same time. As a parent there is a real skill in developing this taste union. Without this you can find yourself preparing 17 different versions of the same meal, spending a monumental amount of extra time and money on shopping and cooking, using

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October 2013

Saskia, Paul and Sabina

twice as much fuel, and ending up with triple the usual mountain of washing-up.

I shudder to think what it is like feeding three or more children a simple meal of bangers and mash when one is a vegetarian, and needs Quorn vegetarian sausages (but loves onion gravy), the other one prefers real sausages, but doesn’t like onions in the gravy, and the other child hates mashed potato and prefers fried potatoes that must be cut to geometric perfection in equilateral triangles and

presented as “crinkly at the edges”. Or one child likes real sausages flavoured with chilli and marmalade while the other only likes plain.

If you’re that versatile – and many of us have to be – you may as well give up parenting and go and work at Marco Pierre White’s restaurant. In fact you may as well open your own restaurant. And there’s the rub. You cannot turn the TV on these days without a foodie programme being on. The world has been food mad for a decade,

which is cool – I love food, eating it and cooking it – but you have to remember that Nigella and Jamie have an army of little helpers who do the shopping, preparing and styling. Have you ever seen either of them doing the washing-up? No, neither have I. Greater food awareness and a sophisticated palette can reach irritating proportions when you’re in the middle of cooking a simple, nutritious and above all “speedy” omelette for breakfast before school. When junior looks over your shoulder and pipes up with: “Oh, it’s so much better with a touch of Viennese herb goat’s cheese, raspberry roulade, and a smattering of capers and almonds on top with a goulash of pomme nouveau.”

“Well, thanks for that darling. I’ll remember that the next time I jet over to the Harrod’s Deli counter especially, but for now, you’ve got 10 minutes to eat this before we hit the school run.”

Follow Paul on Twitter: @fabdad1

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PHOTOGRAPH: MARIETTE BARKHUIZEN

about the complexities of having a child with a sophisticated palette.

health

fruit with a bite MARINA ZIETSMAN looks at oral allergy

a

syndrome, and finds the culprits.

bout a week ago I bit into a succulent strawberry, and sadly I won’t be able to enjoy one again. The onslaught was immediate and brutal. A quick Google search told me something I didn’t know: oral allergy syndrome (OAS).

PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

what is it?

The American Academy of Allergy, Asthma and Immunology says that this reaction occurs because the proteins found in some fruits and vegetables are very similar to those found in pollen. These proteins can confuse the immune system and cause an allergic reaction or make existing symptoms worse.

This means that should you have a pollen allergy to grass, weeds or trees, you may have an allergic reaction to foods containing similar proteins to those found in the pollen.

Prof Robin Green, a paediatric pulmonologist at the Department of Paediatrics and Child Health at the University of Pretoria and the chairman of the Allergy Society of South Africa says: “The patient has previously been exposed to the pollen allergen (protein) via the respiratory tract (the nose and lungs).

These allergens are usually called Class II allergens, because they evoke a reaction to food, but not via the gastro intestinal tract. It is also more common for OAS to occur in adults or older children.”

spot the symptoms Dr Marinda McDonald, a GP in private practice in Joburg, with a special interest in allergies, says, “This allergic phenomenon does not generally progress to give a more serious reaction.

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There are however some cases where it does cause a runny nose, itchy eyes and, very rarely, anaphylaxis (a severe generalised allergic reaction).” Other signs of existing OAS include itching mouth, palate, ears and throat; a tingling in the mouth, palate or throat; watering eyes and sneezing; swelling of the lips, mouth, tongue, face or throat (very rare); some body parts may even itch when handling the raw fruit or vegetable; existing eczema might flare up; and a sensation of the throat tightening.

managing OAS

the main offenders

“The reactions to the food normally occur in its raw (uncooked) state. Thus, once the food is cooked or processed, it can usually be eaten. Peeling the food can also help to remove the offending allergen,” says Green. He adds that it is important that you ascertain whether all or only some of the cross-reacting foods in a specific group cause a reaction for you individually; you may be able to eat some of the other fruits and vegetables in the group and so not deprive yourself of essential nutrients. McDonald says, “A healthcare professional who has knowledge of allergies can evaluate the risk of the reaction involved. A good clinical history by an experienced doctor is also advised.” Antihistamines might offer some relief, says McDonald, but in severe cases, seek medical help fast. “OAS is a lifelong burden and, at this stage, is not curable,” says Green. “It’s probably best to simply avoid foods that cause your OAS.”

If you are allergic to the following, you may develop or have OAS when eating these fruits and vegetables: Birch pollen – apple, raw potato, carrot, celery, hazelnut, pear, peach, plum and cherry Mugwort pollen – celery, apple, peanut, kiwi fruit, carrot, parsley and spices (fennel, coriander, aniseed, cumin) Ragweed pollen – melons (watermelon, cantaloupe, honeydew) and banana Latex – avocado, kiwi fruit, chestnut, papaya and banana Courtesy of the World Allergy Organization *Note: In South Africa there are other pollens that can cause a reaction.

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pregnancy news

it’s non-invasive You can now test for genetic fetal abnormalities, at no risk to your unborn baby, from as early as 10 weeks into your pregnancy. ANÉL LEWIS finds out more about cell-free DNA analysis.

i

had an uneasy second pregnancy after blood tests showed that I had a one in 50 chance of having a baby with Down’s syndrome. Despite this being my only positive result – my baby’s nuchal fold was normal and there were no other soft markers – I knew my age put me in a high-risk category. I was reluctant to have an amniocentesis as it carries a risk of miscarriage. If only I had known about cell-free DNA testing, which can be done with a Harmony Prenatal Test at The Fetal Assessment Centre in Cape Town. This new screening test poses no risk to the baby, and has a 99,5 percent detection rate.

benefits

no more tests

Although current screening tests, such as serum blood tests and ultrasounds are also non-invasive, they have false positive rates of up to five percent, or for one in 20 women. These patients may go on to have more invasive and often unnecessary tests. With the Harmony Test, the false positive rate drops to just one in 1 000 women, says Morris. But she emphasises that it is not a diagnostic test, and an abnormal result would not be enough for a patient to consider termination as an option. “You would still need to get an amniocentesis because there is a 0,5 percent chance that the baby is normal.”

Morris says the test does not replace the 12-week scan. The fetus will still be examined and if the nuchal fold exceeds 3,5mm, the mother will have the option of an amniocentesis, irrespective of the Harmony Test’s result. This is so the doctor can check for other abnormalities, such as Trisomies 18 and 13. If the Harmony result is negative and the NTS is also normal, then no further testing is necessary and the mother would return for her anomaly scan at 20 weeks.

what it is

what’s involved?

Dr Shannon Morris, The Fetal Assessment Centre’s coordinator, explains that the Harmony Prenatal Test can be done as early as 10 weeks into pregnancy and uses only the mother’s blood. Diagnostic tests, such as the chorionic villus sampling that involves testing a sample of the placenta, or an amniocentesis that tests fluid around the baby, are more invasive for the fetus. This new test isolates the baby’s DNA and can reliably detect genetic fetal abnormalities, including Down’s syndrome, says Morris. You can also find out the baby’s sex much sooner.

Blood is drawn from the mother’s arm and the sample is then flown to the Ariosa Diagnostics Laboratory in California. It takes 12 to 14 days to get the results, which means the patient knows her risk before the 12-week nuchal translucency scan (NTS), says Morris. All parents are offered genetic counselling before they decide on the test. Possible causes of a false positive result include a placenta that has not produced enough of the plasma protein A, or if the DNA of a vanishing twin with Down’s syndrome is still detectable. If the test yields no results, the centre will take another sample.

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October 2013

who qualifies?

“Anybody who wants to can be screened, but the test is perfect for older women, or those who dread having an amniocentesis,” says Morris. It can be used on singleton babies, twins, IVF pregnancies and donor ova. So far, the Cape Town centre is the only one in the country offering this screening test, although others are in negotiations with similar laboratories overseas.

the price of peace of mind As the cost of the test depends on the rand/dollar exchange rate, it does not come cheaply. Morris says it would cost R8 000, about the same as an amniocentesis, taking into account the laboratory fee. It’s currently not covered by medical aid.

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you’re not alone

c

best for baby

TANIA WENER discusses the emotional impact of reflux.

oming home with your new baby is wonderful.

The two week honeymoon passes in a haze of swollen breasts and visitors. Things are tiring but good. Then one day the incessant high-pitched screaming begins, and you don’t know what’s hit you. Your baby refuses to drink or is feeding too much, hardly sleeping and needs to be constantly held and rocked. Your peaceful sleeping angel has been replaced with an overwhelming little person. Welcome to the world of reflux.

what is reflux?

Reflux occurs in babies when their milk flows back up their oesophagus. This is normal, lasting until they are about eight months old, and it doesn’t usually bother most babies. Dr Lauren Lee, a Cape Town GP, notes that when reflux is causing pain and discomfort it is called Gastrooesophageal Reflux Disease (GORD). Silent reflux is where the milk only comes as high as the oesophagus and does not come out of the mouth, which takes longer to diagnose and can be missed. Heredity tends to be a factor and premature babies are particularly at risk.

challenges Reflux affects every aspect of family life; it is an exhausting process that can leave you resenting your new baby, partner and life in general.

I was one of those parents, and can fully understand how challenging it can be and the strain it can put on the

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best of relationships. From the moment our daughter was born, she did not stop crying. Pulling away every time I tried to breast-feed her was frustrating and resulted in me expressing each feed. Sleep only came after hours of bouncing and holding her upright. Watching her arch her back and thrash around in agony caused a constricting pain in my heart. Those first weeks left me feeling overwhelmed and isolated. My husband began calling me “the snapping turtle” because every time I opened my mouth I sounded angry and desperate. Anxiety became my new unwanted friend. The experience took me from being a confident, independent woman and broke me down into what felt like nothingness; second guessing and hating myself.

Being misunderstood becomes one of the major isolating issues.

effects on siblings and relationships The situation became more complex with the birth of my second daughter. She arrived a year and a half after my first. She also had reflux. My eldest daughter needed me, but once again I was busy rocking her screaming sister.

Many men also report feeling isolated from their partners and children. With the mother busy feeding and calming the baby, it’s easy for fathers to feel sidelined.

Plus, the extra financial strain of doctor’s visits, medications and formulas can overwhelm and tarnish even the strongest of marriages.

getting through it Cape Town paediatrician Dr Deon Smith notes that many mothers in his practice need help for either depression or postnatal distress when dealing with reflux for an extended period. Seeing a postnatal counsellor is essential.

Surrounding yourself with a support system is also important and asking your partner to help look after your other children can help. Try to get as much sleep as you can and remember to take everything step-by-step. It will end. Eventually, it gets easier and you’re able to build your lives again.

quick tips for baby • E levate the head side of her cot, to help the milk stay down.

• Keep your baby upright for 10 minutes and burp your baby after each feed.

• If your baby is refusing to feed, try sitting on an exercise ball with them or gently rocking them while you’re feeding them.

• Let her suck a dummy.

• Keep nappies loose to avoid extra pressure over the stomach area.

• Consult a doctor about medication.

• If you are breast-feeding, alcohol, caffeine, dairy and other triggers can exacerbate the problem.

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dealing with difference

the wonders of floortime A revolutionary technique, mainly for children with developmental challenges, is finally taking

a

root in South Africa. Brian Hayward and

Cassandra Shaw discuss the Floortime method.

t birth, Lucio was cortically blind. Doctors said he wouldn’t walk, his blindness couldn’t be cured, and he would unlikely live past his teens. Today, although Lucio is severely autistic, he’s a healthy, happy 13 year old with near-perfect vision. He can walk largely unassisted and is able to communicate his needs to his parents.

When he was 17 months his mother, based in Amsterdam, took him to a developmental educationalist who was using an increasingly popular technique with mentally and physically challenged children – to astounding effect. The technique is called DIR (the Developmental Individual difference Relationship-based model). It’s otherwise known as “Floortime” because it centres around interactions with the children, mostly on the floor in their preferred space. Despite the model being used in abundance in North America and Europe, the use of Floortime in South Africa is more isolated.

breakdown When American child psychiatrist Stanley Greenspan and psychologist Serena Wieder first developed the concept in the late 1980s, it sought to replace more restrictive childdevelopment techniques with one based on celebrating each child’s uniqueness and concentrating on their quality of life.

“Floortime pulls together the best of OT, psychology and speech therapy,” says occupational therapist Kerry Wallace of Polka Spot Early Intervention Centre in Cape Town.

Being built on three pillars (DIR: Developmental, Individual difference and Relationships), floortime is a client directed approach. The therapist assesses the child’s emotional stages of development, takes the child’s individual processing differences into consideration, and encourages involvement from those central in the child’s life, says Wallace.

With Floortime, children’s developmental goals are decided not by a general societal standard, but by assessing what they are capable of achieving at their level. This philosophy filters into the interaction with each child, with adults meeting them at this level. “People tend to do things to – or for – children with challenges, but what Floortime encourages is to do things with the child,” says South African-born Marius De Vos who has Master’s degrees in education and psychology and who started his own school for autistic children in Amsterdam before recently moving back to South Africa.

He also points out that historically, children with disabilities have suffered from the drive towards normalisation. “This method tries to find ways for children to connect with the rest of the world without taking them away from themselves,” he explains. “It’s not about saying, ‘You are nine years old, so you should be able to do this’. It’s about looking at the child and seeing what their next developmental step is and working towards that.

You don’t approach children in terms of what they can’t do, but in terms of what they can do. Everybody can do something. That’s what you latch onto and where you try to meet them,” he says.

“Floortime is also a coaching model”, says Wallace. It includes and teaches parents, or whoever’s in the child’s world, how to work with, understand, and better deal with their child.” Other treatments are so therapist based, and especially with young children, their parents need to be involved right from the beginning. They are often the ones that get the best response from their child anyway,” she adds. Plus, if parents are involved, the model “can work anywhere for the child, and the parents’ newly found expertise can be used from different angles,” she explains.

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PHOTOGRAPH: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

Floortime pulls together the best of OT, psychology and speech therapy.

feature

fitting in The model provides a roadmap for the treatment of developmental, learning and emotional challenges and diagnoses. The widespread applicability is possible because it’s based on a theory that focuses on capacities fundamental to the development of all children. It’s also a comprehensive model with a range of interventions that can be tailored to specific underlying sensory processing, motor and learning challenges as well as family and cultural factors, says Wallace. She adds that it is an approach used in dealing with children who are anxious, have attention difficulties, language delays, learning challenges, and sensory processing, Autism or Asperger’s disorders, but that it can be used for all children of all ages.

Wallace explains how they first “meet the family, work with them, find out their needs and formulate a way forward. Parents frequently bring their children in for speech therapy, due to language delays and that’s where the process usually starts. An OT will then work with them and shift them onto something else that fits their individual situation. It’s a very flexible process,” she says.

seeing South African results When De Vos returned to Port Elizabeth last year, he brought with him a physiotherapist trained in Floortime. They spent a week at the Aurora Special Needs Centre for physically and mentally challenged children, training staff in Floortime. One year later, staff members have noted significant developments in children who had previously eschewed any sort of interaction. Irma Jacobsz, a teacher at the centre for the past eight years, explains the changes in six-year-old Melanie*. “She was very into herself,” playing in front of the mirror. “For us, it was a matter of not knowing how to teach her [before being introduced to Floortime],” she says. After 15 minutes with De Vos, Melanie was interacting with him as he mimicked her behaviour. A thick jacket, which Melanie kept on no matter what – her “second skin” – was removed with relative ease as De Vos engaged with her using the Floortime principles. “There had been no attempt to deal with what the coat meant to her,” says De Vos, “so I worked with her in ways that included the coat in our interaction. When I wanted to move her arms so we could pretend to be birds together, instead of holding her hands I pulled the coat. And so she slowly accepted me as part of the experience, and I just slowly worked the coat off her.”

This year, as teachers have continued using Floortime with children, Melanie has continued to improve. During a class sing-along, Melanie began interacting, holding up her hands to clap with the teacher – a remarkable action for a child with autistic traits, says Jacobsz. * Name has been changed

training and affiliation

resource

Co-creator of the DIR Floortime method, Serena Wieder, started the Profectum Foundation, an NGO that offers online Floortime training to professionals and parents.

Profectum has also been establishing international affiliates throughout the world and Polka Spot’s NPO, Spotlight Trust SA, is the Profectum affiliate in South Africa. Their aim is to train people and ultimately make Floortime culturally relevant in South Africa.

• A utistic-like: Graham’s Story – a film by Erik Linthorst • Building Healthy Minds by Stanley Greenspan (1999).

• A Tale of Two Schools by Claudia Wallis (Time magazine May 2006) • The Interdisciplinary Council on Developmental and Learning Disorders (ICDL): visit icdl.com • Polka Spot Early Intervention Centre: visit polkaspot.co.za • The Profectum and Spotlight Trust: visit profectum.org and spotlight.org.za

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October 2013

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spotlight

food fear Helping your child overcome a traumatic event can take time. DONNA COBBAN tells the story of her son’s food scare and how they dealt with it.

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on soft white bread with honey. Bananas soon followed, as did tomato soups and pasta with melted cheese. He still scrutinised everything seriously, sifting through it to check there was nothing he might choke on. I let him take the lead and today, four months on, we are almost back to normal.

Brown toast has only recently been deemed acceptable, but he still won’t go near anything hard such as nuts or sweets, and he thinks popcorn is the absolute pits.

It was over in a second and we both slid to the floor. I breathed sweet breaths of deep relief as a sobbing, yet safe child crawled onto my lap. what the professionals say Scouring the internet for others in a similar position produced disappointing results, yet the first doctor I spoke to had a similar problem with his own child. Dr David Nye, a Cape Town-based GP, homeopath and acupuncturist, watched his then six-year-old son refuse to eat any solids after seeing his older brother choking. It took him six long weeks to come around to eating solids again. Nye’s advice is not to panic. “Try to find out what triggered the reaction and feed the child with liquid or semi-solid foods for as long as it takes to return to normal.”

Knowing now that the entire scenario was largely psychological and not physiological, I turned to a psychologist for further input. Robynne Thomson at the Sandton Psychology Centre tells me that the best way for her to make sense of my son’s behaviour is to see it within the context of trauma. “The incident of swallowing the pip and the consequent fright that your son got was obviously a traumatic experience for him and a common response to trauma is to avoid anything associated with that event.

Eating and swallowing solid food would have been an association with the traumatic event and he was obviously too fearful to do this.”

While she says she is not suggesting that my son had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), she does tell me that “if one looks at the diagnosis of PTSD one can see some similarities with the pattern of behaviour displayed, one of which involves ‘the loss of physical integrity’.

“In the case of your son,” she explains, “choking could be defined as a loss of physical integrity and your son getting a big fright could be seen as reacting with intense fear.” Thomson says that there are three symptom clusters in PTSD, one is the avoidance of traumatic reminders which she says my child was clearly displaying.

Seen within this context I realise how my initial reaction was a waste of time – thinking that my powers of persuasion were going to sway his legitimate fear was somewhat naive of me. Fear, it seems, is a powerful emotion and it deserves space, time and understanding – no matter what the trigger is and no matter how long the healing may need.

Robynne Thomson’s helpful steps • Deal with the behaviour as one would any other traumatic event.

• Acknowledge the child’s emotions of intense fear. This validates them and helps the child know that you understand them and take their emotions seriously.

• Assist the child in feeling a sense of mastery and control over the feared situation. This can be done in a variety of ways: from playing games (such as the child cooking for, and feeding their toys, siblings, animals and parents) to encouraging the child to recount the story of the traumatic event.

• Gradual introduction to the feared situation would be helpful, such as introducing soft foods and liquids and then slowly, more solid food. If one could give the child an array of food to choose from, this would also encourage a sense of mastery and control over the situation.

• Teaching the child how to manage their anxiety by getting them to relax when you can see they are getting anxious, such as breathing deeply, can also be useful.

• Role modelling non-anxious behaviour can be helpful – for example eating your food with gusto and remarking on how good and comfortable you feel while doing so.

• If the child is refusing food and liquid for longer than a day or two, seek medical advice as small children can be at risk if they become dehydrated and malnourished.

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PHOTOGRAPH: shutterstock.com

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he early morning sun slanted through the window, warming the kitchen. I put the kettle on and reached for a tea bag. My mom, who was visiting us at the time, handed a plum to her hungry five-year-old grandson. I was going to get egg and toast along with fruit and yoghurts onto the table as soon as the tea was made. The plum was intended to fill the gap while he waited – he has always had a voracious appetite.

Perhaps it was a mother’s instinct, why else would I turn to look at a silent child behind me, sucking quietly on a juicy plum? The pip was momentarily lodged in his throat; he looked up at me with alarm and was met with a panic-stricken mother swinging into action as I grabbed hold of him and slapped him hard between the shoulder blades. It was over in a second and we both slid to the floor. I breathed sweet breaths of deep relief as a sobbing, yet safe child crawled onto my lap.

That, I thought, was that. He made no mention of the incident, ate his breakfast and behaved normally. The next day was the same, as was the next, but then suddenly and without warning, his pattern changed and he refused to eat. Here was a child, who had until now eaten with great gusto. He devoured stems of broccoli and tucked into lentil bakes and hearty soups with great gratitude, but now he ate nothing – well almost nothing. Runny yoghurt with no floating fruit pieces was tolerated; juice and water and sometimes milk were acceptable – but nothing else. I tried begging, I tried pleading and I tried bribing – nothing worked. He was resolute in his decision to not eat anything that needed chewing and then swallowing. Not long after this he started to become anxious for those around him and on hearing anyone cough he would rush over and check if the person was alright; always wanting to know what it was that was stuck in their throat. I drew pictures to show him what happens when you swallow something.

It didn’t work. Nothing convinced him that the danger had passed. The days turned into weeks and still there was no change. After a month I gave up trying to “fix” the situation, and just let it be. I made sure he had access to as much runny yoghurt as he wanted. I offered him what I was eating, and then I just ignored it as best I could. His weight dropped, but not dramatically and he was still blessed with abundant energy.

I decided that after six weeks of this I would take him to see a doctor, but the thought did not inspire me as he was in no danger of dying and I knew there was little a doctor could do to convince him to eat. Thankfully that action never had to be taken as he eventually began to eat. At first he started

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October 2013

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getaway

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October 2013

a toddler in the wild

ANGUS BEGG and two-year-old Fynn go on a memorable father and son adventure in the Lowveld. by panicking Francolins and Weavers busy about their nests. Rising with the bushveld in autumn is an awesome bloody privilege – and I don’t use the word lightly.

The game-drive was leaving at 5:30am, and I’d resolved to miss it if Fynn wasn’t awake. Being so little, I know how important it is – for my own sanity as much as the other guests – that he gets his full quota of sleep. I also wanted to witness his waking to this brand new world. Thankfully David, the camp manager, had arranged a separate drive for us.

The game-drive is good. Just as the faintest drizzle begins to tickle, we spot a leopard – Ginger, our guide, and the tracker had been looking for him. Remarkably, he has four kills in a tree; three steenbok and an impala. In between dodging the drops and clutching firmly on to my inquisitive son – ensuring that he stays in the vehicle – I get the odd shot.

The average game-drive is three to four hours, and although I’ve brought along juice, rusks and a couple of apples, by the time we find our next leopard I realise that rather than hungry, he’s bored.

By now we’d found another leopard, and are well-positioned to watch a male on a kill beneath an imposing Jackalberry tree, alongside a dry riverbed. This is when Fynn decides he wants to exit the vehicle. He howls on being restrained.

I mutter serious thanks that we are alone.

Back at camp, all he wants is egg – sod the veggies, home-made bread and

crème brûlée. Usually a brilliant eater, his eating – a bit like his routine – has been all over the place. That’s travelling with children. On our way back to our hut and the anticipated nap, David asks in that exquisitely polite manner that only the English can pull off, how we’re doing.

David is a curious fish. You can tell he’s super-competent and efficient just by the way he moves – I could swear there’s a touch of Sandhurst* military in him. But at first meeting he does seem allergic to children.

He tells me (in a wonderfully candid manner) that the closest he’s been to children is his nephew, “and that’s close enough”. Which admittedly leaves me a

little on edge as to what to expect. I have a vision of spending the next 24 hours walking on egg-shells.

On our exploration of the camp after his nap, we had meanwhile found a drum in the boma – with the proverbial fireplace in the middle. Naturally it demanded to be thumped. Not entirely without rhythm, but a little noisy and possibly over-enthusiastic – I’d imagine not ideal for some guests’ idea of a bushveld breakaway. The pots in the kitchen also demanded his attention, so one of the cooks, Leeneth – who took a particular shine to Fynn – moved the drum to the kitchen.

And this is where Africa stands a world apart. My experience has shown that the local staff can’t seem to get enough of babies, toddlers and preschoolers – and Fynn is welcomed into the kitchen. The staff love him, as others have done since he visited his first lodge when aged just a tiny six months, and his ease with people first became evident.

With that in mind, I’ve given myself the luxury of a babysitter for the afternoondrive. Leeneth will be with Fynn. He’s happy when she takes over.

But it doesn’t go entirely to plan. The further out we drive, responding to sightings reported by fellow driver-guides around the Timbavati, the more guilt sets in, and I curse myself. Forget the eagle-owl or lioness and cubs, I’m missing my boy, and sharing every waking experience with him. I’m wishing I was back in camp.

Apparently the feeling wasn’t mutual.

Fynn is beaming on my return – he’d been living the social highlife in the staff village, with drums at his disposal and playing with Leeneth.

And when it wasn’t Leeneth, it was the guides – Elvis or Ginger – always showing an interest in little Fynn. That’s something many forget when travelling

Fynn insists on carrying his own bags – even today almost two years on

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PHOTOGRAPHs / ILLUSTRATIONS: Angus Begg / SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

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he noise outside our reed-walled hut is deafening, wild and encroaching.

My two-and-a-half year-old son, Fynn, has never heard anything like it, and wraps his little arms around my leg. A short, sharp intake of breath illustrates his unease.

In his mind something horrible and large is out there beyond the thin walls of our thatched hut. And it’s getting closer.

In adult reality it is no more threatening than hundreds of Bubbling Kassina frogs, those of small body and loud voice. There must be a thousand of them outside, and the three-quarter reed wall does little to soften their song. “Frogs,” repeats Fynn after me in a conspiratorial whisper.

If you had to ask most tourists to the African bush why they go on safari, whether from Joburg or London, you would find the answer surprisingly simple.

As clichéd as it is obvious, most are seeking to replace the unforgiving pace of modern city life with a brief return to nature.

To breathe in her scents, take in her landscapes and to witness her wildlife.

While time and increasing wealth have proved there is indeed a place for raspberry jus, Indian cotton sheets spun of a gazillion threads and massage spas in the bush, they have until recently never before been part of “the bush” and the sense of escape that belongs with it. And when it comes to little ones, this is perhaps even more so, for the sounds, textures and almost otherworldliness are so much more important than aircon, sherry in the carafe and 24/7 attention to designer detail.

It is this absence of “puffery”, the adherence to bushveld basics, that distinguishes Umlani Bushcamp, one of the many lodges and self-catering camps – deep in South Africa’s Timbavati Game Reserve – from most of the bushveld pack.

And it’s at night that the difference is felt most clearly.

By design, our experience is one of complete immersion. Crickets, frogs, badgers, nightjars and owls rustle and tweet themselves awake. Without aircon and bricks ‘n mortar to seal out the bush, the imagination is left to run wild – especially when that heavy breathing of the leopard saws its way through the subconscious.

Which is pretty much what happened to us. Instead of imagining a third-person world of dry river-beds and knob-thorn acacias, my mind began plotting a hypothetical escape route, just in case the absurd took hold of the situation and the feline leapt into our (outside) bathroom.

I was wishing Fynn was awake to hear primeval at play.

But he wasn’t, and we woke to a beautiful morning, with scary frogs replaced

things to know

this simultaneously luscious and dusty continent – its capacity for human connection. It wouldn’t be what it is without its people.

Fynn is almost two years older now, at the grand old age of four and a half. In that time I have endeavoured to introduce him to a heritage he wouldn’t have on any other continent. We’ve been lucky to visit different lodges in different provinces, and more recently went camping with a crèche

Fynn loved Elias, and vice-versa.

Here he’s demanding “a drive”

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friend and his dad (that is a tale for another time) in the Cederberg. And each time he asks more questions – as all readers of this magazine will know – starting with the ubiquitous, “Daddy, why?”. *Sandhurst – that establishment where the male offspring of the royals go to prepare themselves for their forthcoming obligatory duties, like Prince Andrew in the Falklands and his nephew Harry in Afghanistan…

He loved the boma – including the fireplace

Where The Timbavati Reserve, in Limpopo province, forms part of the Greater Kruger National Park and lies nestled between the Kruger National Park in the east, the Klaserie and Umbabat Private Nature Reserves in the north and the Thornybush Private Nature Reserve in the west. As there are no fences between the Kruger National Park and Timbavati, the reserve enjoys a wide variety of game, including the big five.

When The Timbavati gets about 550mm to 600mm of rain per annum, with the wet season occurring from November to March. Summers are hot with a maximum temperature of 38°C in the months of January to April. Because of the summer rainfall, the bush comes alive, but the thicker foliage restricts game viewing.

The best time of year to visit is winter, for better game viewing and mild day temperatures, though nights and early mornings are cold.

Famous for Timbavati is best known for its white lion population, which was discovered in the 1970s. These white coats are not because of albinism, but from a condition called “leucism”, in which the pelt is white but the eyes and skin are pigmented.

Malaria Since malaria does occur in the Timbavati region, particularly in the summer months, visitors are advised to take prophylactics (speak to your healthcare professional first). However, there are a few simple precautions for protection against mosquito bites. Apply mosquito repellent, especially around sunset, and particularly on the feet and ankles. In the evenings the arms and ankles should be covered by wearing socks and shoes and a light, cotton long-sleeve shirt. Mosquitoes are mostly active at night, so the use of mosquito repellent is essential. Mosquitoes also find it difficult to settle in a breeze, so leaving the ceiling fan on at night keeps them away.

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health

midlife crazy Marc de Chazal looks at the health changes of midlife and finds out it need not be a crisis if you follow a healthy lifestyle.

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ou will likely start feeling your age as you approach and enter your 40s. I know I have. I’m not sure if my hearing is declining yet (it will), but I’m straining to read the fine print on food labels, so my eyes have definitely started to weaken. Although people are staying healthy to a more advanced age, we’re all destined to experience physical, hormonal and even emotional changes as we get older.

Other than a decline in hearing and sight, as we age, we’ll also begin to experience a decrease in height, greying hair, an increase in wrinkles, a metabolism slowdown that can result in a middle-age spread, bone mass deterioration and a steady decline in strength.

Men will experience a gradual decrease in their testosterone levels, which tends to happen between the ages of 45 and 50. When this drop happens at a quicker rate, the condition is called andropause, but it doesn’t affect all men the same way that menopause affects all women. The decrease in oestrogen levels in women is what eventually ushers in menopause. These hormonal changes in both sexes can give rise to moodiness, fatigue and nervous system changes.

If we better understand what’s happening to us and what our partners may be experiencing, the health changes of midlife need not become an overwhelming crisis.

skin and bones Research shows that skin ageing is affected by our genes as well as by external factors, such as overexposure to the sun. The intrinsic ageing of our skin usually begins in our mid-twenties when collagen production slows down. We’ll eventually see the visible signs of this ageing process in the mirror, as fine wrinkles develop and our skin becomes thinner and more transparent. A decrease in oestrogen levels, which often starts long before menopause, can result in drier skin and even acne around the mouth and jawline for women. Our genes control just how quickly these signs appear for each of us.

Premature ageing, on the other hand, is something we can control. External factors that will prematurely age skin include repetitive facial expressions, gravity, sleeping positions and smoking. “Sun exposure is the biggest contributor and not only causes the visible signs of skin damage, such as age spots and deep wrinkles, but also skin cancer,” says Dr Ishaan Ramkisson, a Durban-based dermatologist. “Skin cancer is the most common cancer in South Africa, but it is highly curable with early detection and proper treatment. If you notice anything changing, growing or bleeding on your skin, consult a dermatologist immediately,” he advises. Ramkisson also stresses the importance of using a good, broad-spectrum sunscreen all year round and wearing protective clothing and wide-brimmed hats when outdoors for extended periods.

As we age, our bones shrink in size and density. “We reach our peak bone mass at around 20 years of age,” explains Dr Stanley Lipschitz, a geriatrician in private practice in Rosebank, Joburg. “In the absence of disease, we maintain bone mass and bone quality until the 40- to 45-year mark, but natural bone formation decreases from this age.”

Menopause also contributes to a decrease in bone mass, which can make post-menopausal women susceptible to osteoporosis, a disease causing bones to become porous and prone to fractures. The National Osteoporosis Foundation of South Africa (NOFSA) reports that one in three

women and one in five men will get this disease – potentially four to six million South Africans.

“Women have a lower peak bone mass than men, so bone loss is more problematic given that they may lose large amounts of bone in the first two to five years of menopause,” says Lipschitz. “Younger men and women can preserve bone by following a healthy lifestyle – a good diet with adequate calories, protein and calcium, moderate exercise, not smoking and moderate alcohol consumption. In addition, bone loss especially in later life can also be prevented by medication – calcium, vitamin D, hormone therapy, where appropriate and other bone specific agents such as bisphosphonates and strontium ranelate.”

NOFSA recommends that all women younger than 65, and anyone of any age at risk, have a fracture risk assessment done. Speak to your doctor about this.

spare tyres Men and women often struggle to maintain a healthy body weight as they age. Muscle mass naturally diminishes as we get older. If we don’t exercise enough and follow a healthy diet our body composition shifts to more fat and less muscle.

A woman’s hormonal changes in her 30s and 40s can also affect her weight. The most profound weight gain, according to the Mayo Clinic, happens in the years leading up to menopause, but is not inevitable after menopause. The reason is a combination of lifestyle factors and genetics. Excess weight gain after menopause increases the risk of high cholesterol, high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes and cancer, notably colon and breast cancer. Research shows that gaining as little as two kilograms at the age of 50 can increase the risk of breast cancer by 30 percent.

Men today have about 20 percent less testosterone on average than men the same age did 20 years ago. The jury is still out as to the specific reasons for this, but there is evidence that suggests weight gain and a sedentary lifestyle have an influence.

“Being overweight may result in a greater decline in a man’s testosterone, but the natural age-related decline in the hormone is not necessarily a reason for weight gain,” points out Dr Zaheer Bayat, an endocrinologist at Helen Joseph Hospital, which is attached to Wits University. “Genetic and lifestyle factors contribute to potential weight gain, so it’s important to watch what you eat and get enough exercise. A healthy lifestyle will actually boost testosterone levels, which will have many benefits, including fighting depression, improving cognitive function, increasing muscle mass and decreasing body fat, strengthening your heart and bones, and improving libido and erections,” he adds.

Ageing is inevitable, but our lifestyle clearly impacts on just how healthy we will be into advanced age.

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The so-called midlife crisis is widely documented, but clinical psychologist and Unisa senior lecturer Dr Lesiba Baloyi says the phenomenon should be considered more of a defining moment than a crisis.

“In my experience, the psychological impact related to ageing is rather complex. It’s not a given that a man will turn 50 and suddenly adopt outof-character behaviour or rush off and have an affair,” explains Baloyi. “It does magazine pretoria

PHOTOGRAPH: shutterstock.com

critical junctures

happen, of course, that middle-aged men in particular, will try to find an alternative reality.

The more common issue I deal with in my practice is the inability of men to adapt to their life changes, or what I call the midlife developmental stage. In these cases I find that there are far deeper issues than just growing old that need to be addressed. He may be experiencing irritability and decreased energy, possibly because of a natural decrease in testosterone, but an emotional distance from his partner is the bigger issue. It’s important to explore the underlying relational or emotional reasons for this. I strongly advise that people find ways of healthy engagement with their loved ones. There is no substitute for positive conversation,” he says.

Culture can further complicate matters for those of us reaching our middle years. Baloyi says that the concept of manhood in black culture is inexplicably linked to sexuality, so a flagging libido or erectile dysfunction can create more stress for black men, sometimes resulting in clinical depression.

live long and prosper Ageing is inevitable, but our lifestyle clearly impacts on just how healthy we will be into advanced age. Okinawans in Japan seem to have got it right. They have a history of ageing

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slowly and delaying or avoiding the chronic diseases of ageing. They boast more people over 100 years old per 100 000 people than anywhere else in the world. They also have the lowest death rates from cancer, heart disease and stroke, which are the top three killers in the US. According to the Okinawa Centenarian Study, the secret to their longevity is a combination of genetics and lifestyle factors. They eat fewer calories, resulting in a lower level of free radicals in their blood, which improves cardiovascular health and lowers the risk of cancer. They have 80 percent less risk of breast and prostate cancer and 50 percent less risk of ovarian and colon cancer. The traditional Okinawan diet is rich in complex carbohydrates and plant-based foods, and low in fat. They do drink alcohol, but in moderation. Their diet, staying physically active and leading a largely stress-free existence have made elderly Okinawans lean, youthful-looking and energetic.

We may not join the ranks of the centenarians, but all the specialists consulted recommend that we pay careful attention to our lifestyle – following a healthy diet, getting enough sleep, staying physically active, managing our stress and keeping a positive outlook.

Regular medical checkups are also advised to ensure that any potentially detrimental health changes are detected early and treated.

I’d better get my eyes tested sooner rather than later…

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spotlight

GARY KOEN discusses the emotional impact that a divorce or an unhappy marriage can have on your children.

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result, make it difficult for parents to put their children’s needs first. In this respect, before deciding whether to separate or stay together, parents need to take stock of some basic truths. These truths apply to all parents, but perhaps those parents who are caught up in the bitterness, anger, sadness and regret, so prevalent during a divorce, need special reminding.

responsibilities Firstly, the one thing you are truly responsible for in this life is your child; irrespective of your job, the amount of money you earn or how many people report to you. What your children do with their lives remains your responsibility. You will always be either a mother or a father and they will always be your son or daughter.

You are inextricably linked forever to

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PHOTOGRAPHS: shutterstock.com

i

am often asked by parents who are struggling with difficult marital issues, whether it’s better to stay together and maintain the family structure for the sake of their children, or remove the tension and conflict by getting divorced.

My answer in each case is that at least their thinking is on the right track.

Ultimately, the right decision will enable them to be better parents. Unfortunately when it comes to divorce, the children are the ones who get hurt the most and the only way to minimise the hurt is to make them and their interests the main priority. However, a family is not like a block of chocolate that can be easily broken up and divided. A family is one of the central pillars around which most peoples’ lives revolve. When that pillar crumbles, the levels of pain and hurt that

whatever paths your child may choose. Be aware that at some deep undeniable level you have played a significant role in having forged that path. You cannot avoid this responsibility, because whatever action you take, it will have some significant bearing on their lives.

Children don’t choose to be born; they had no say in that decision. They are here purely as a result of a choice made by you. It is a child’s fundamental right to be looked after. It is not some favour we are doing them, nor is it a privilege that they ought to be grateful for. You are going to place enough expectations and pressures on your children as it is.

So, once parents are reminded about these basic, yet vitally important truths, they can move on and decide what to do about their marriage.

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decisions When weighing up the pros and cons of staying together or separating, the first thing parents need to do is ask themselves whether they have explored every avenue to make their relationship work. How hard have they tried to understand what

children, and divorce will be difficult on the parents too.

Parents must be careful not to delude themselves into believing that divorce is the easier option. If one considers the amount of time, energy, effort, commitment and sacrifice that goes into getting married and

A family is not like a block of chocolate that can be easily broken up and divided. caused the breakdown? Can they say that the issues between them are so deep and insoluble, that the very best situation is to separate? Parents need to dig deep and look honestly inside themselves to answer these questions. Getting divorced is a hard thing to do. Divorce is difficult on the

creating a family (energy that’s normally positive and fuelled by hopes and dreams), they must also realise that to undo this will take an equal amount of energy, effort and time. Also, the energy which fuels divorce is generally filled with sadness, anger, fear and worry.

Once parents have reached the painful conclusion that their marriage is damaged beyond repair, the next step is to discover whether there is a way to break the marriage without breaking the family.

Divorce means the end of a marriage, but does it have to mean the end of a family?

putting on a front The option of parents staying together for the sake of their children can only be properly achieved if they are capable of maintaining the essence of what represents a family. Parents cannot stay together if they are only going to look like a family. They also have to live as a family.

Parents need to seriously ask themselves whether they can stay with a partner they loathe, and yet simultaneously present the united front necessary when raising

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spotlight

a family. A family is a dynamic entity. It is not static or placid. It moves, grows, demands and changes. The parents who stay together for the sake of their children need to be able to move, grow and adapt; and they need to be able to do this as a unit, not as two separate individuals.

Parents who stay together for the sake of their children must not pursue a separate life while maintaining the illusion of being a couple, and believe that this will still be in the best interests of their children. A home is not a 24-hour fast food restaurant where parents can freely come and go whenever

and cannot be helped, be they a parent becoming critically ill, being involved in an accident, suffering personal trauma, or experiencing a severe financial setback.

All of these crises may lead a parent to become basically ineffectual in their child’s life, which can have a very negative effect on the adolescent. However, even in these circumstances, teenagers are generally accepting and understanding of these stresses if their parents are willing to acknowledge the difficulties and to talk to them about what is going on. The simple message is that even in a crisis, it’s a

It’s a parent’s job to parent and do their best to clear the space so the teenager can carry on living a full life. they want. Neither are parents free to seek out and have their own needs met elsewhere. Open marriages rarely work, but when there are children involved, open marriages are destructive. Children may be little, but they are not stupid; and they don’t stay children for very long. Parents need to be aware that when children are much younger, they are simply swept along by whatever maelstrom happens to be gripping their parents’ lives at the time.

When they become teenagers they tend to start digging in their heels, and so begin the confrontations.

it’s not only about you A crisis precipitated by a parent is one of the hardest things for a teenager to bear. Some crises may be unavoidable,

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parent’s job to parent and do their best to clear the space so the teenager can carry on living a full life. A parent’s willingness to engage with what’s going on in their child’s life, to own up and take responsibility for their child’s feelings and to understand whatever their children feel and say, can go a long way in resolving difficulties and protecting their relationship.

This however is very different from the parents who cause the crisis. A teenager does not need his parents to bombard his life with their breakdowns and issues. The decision to get divorced and to break up a family would certainly rank among the most disruptive events in any child’s life, but for a teenager the effect can have longlasting effects on their relationship with both parents. Often the frustration is simply magazine pretoria

the disbelief that two competent adults were incapable of finding an alternative solution. But the frustration can deepen and intensify if they find themselves having to deal with the emotional fallout that invariably accompanies these crises.

Parents need to realise that they can’t turn to their children for emotional support in a crisis that they have caused. This is hard for teenagers who are struggling with their own lives and identities. The last thing they need is to be thrust into the role of caregiver. If a teenager’s life gets consumed by the ongoing emotional demands of their parents, it could lead the teenager into depression.

splitting sooner or later Similarly, parents who opt to stay together, despite their relationship being an empty loveless void, need to be sure that they can meet the demands of their children properly. While they must not bombard their child’s life with their crisis, they must not fill it up with their emptiness either.

Children, who grow up in homes where the atmosphere is filled with eerie detachment and choked-up bitterness, often struggle later on in life to identify and express their own feelings. Sadly, some even express anger towards their parents for not having divorced. The charade can be more painful than the reality.

Also, parents who have managed to maintain the facade of a cohesive family until the point that there children leave home, are often shocked by the level of dismay and distress their adult children feel when they announce their divorce. While it is easier for grown up children to cope with their parents’ divorce, many still feel confused by their decision, and may even begin to question their own childhood; wondering what was real and what was a lie.

The decision to stay together for the sake of the children can only work if children are able to look back and feel that they had a good family experience, and that despite their difficulties, their parents really did love them and tried their best to offer them everything that they needed. If at a later stage of their lives they wish to separate, then it should be a choice that they are allowed to make.

However the same principle must apply to couples who decide to separate sooner. Often the issuing of a summons

for divorce amounts to a declaration of civil war between the two parental parties, and the children become the unwilling spoils. The family, once a hallowed and shared space, becomes a battleground where the lines between “good” and “bad” become blurred as children are pushed into “choices” in which they have no say.

Trying to steer a sensible path through this legal, financial and emotional morass is a hard thing to do. In 2005 the Children’s Act introduced the “best interests of the child” principle, which among other things requires the divorcing parents to come up with a comprehensive parenting plan. The parenting plan is a reminder of the rights and responsibilities that each parent will continue to exercise even after the marriage has dissolved. It’s a working document, which evolves to the changing demands of the family. While a parenting plan is a noble and well-intentioned concept, the law itself does not effectively possess the language to properly describe nor account for the pain and suffering that follows the breaking up of a family. There is a gulf between what is legally sound, yet emotionally and psychologically flawed, which is why the idea of mandatory parenting classes for divorcing parents is mooted. The idea is to equip parents with an understanding of their children’s developmental stages, and to put in place plans to try and meet these needs. The primary goal is to help parents put their own hostility aside so they can focus on the needs of a family for who they are responsible. In some American states, the process is so strict and comprehensive, that until each of the divorcing parents are capable of enjoying a family dinner without any incidents of abuse and tension, they are not permitted to get divorced. Some may also argue that a similar process should be in place before people decide to get married and have children.

The fundamental message for all parents who find themselves in this situation is that in many respects, a successful divorce takes as much, if not more, work than a successful marriage.

Giving up on marriage must not mean giving up on family. While the parents’ commitment towards one another may end, the commitment to their children and family has to remain as strong and steadfast as ever.

about the author Gary Koen is a clinical psychologist in private practice with over 20 years’ experience, working mainly with adults and adolescents. He also does presentations at schools on a range of teenage-related topics. These include all the general aspects of normal adolescent development. He developed and successfully runs a course, “An introduction to adolescence”, aimed at parents. He is also working on a book that deals with the challenges facing parents and teenagers and, as a father of three, he is heavily invested in everything he says. For more information, visit garykoen.co.za

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resource

free for all For those who can’t eat certain things, and those who can eat most things, there’s a recipe here for you. muesli ingredients • 250g gluten-free oats • 200g mixed nuts (almonds, walnuts, Brazil nuts, cashews and macadamia nuts) • 75g mixed seeds (sunflower, pumpkin, sesame and flax) • 2 tsp ground cinnamon • 175g dried fruit (goji berries, cranberries and raisins) • 5 tbsp runny honey • 4 tbsp olive oil method 1 Preheat the oven to 180°C. Put the dry ingredients (including the cinnamon, but not the dried fruit) on a baking tray, drizzle with honey and olive oil, coat well and spread out.

2 Place the tray in the oven for 25–30 minutes, mixing every 10 minutes or so, until the entire mix is golden brown.

3 Remove from the oven, mix in the dried fruit and let it cool down.

4 Once cooled, serve with milk or your favourite yoghurt.

parmesan and parsley crust hake with mayo ingredients • 4 boneless, skinless hake fillets • 2 eggs, beaten • 1 cup Corn Flakes, ground up in a mortar with a pestle • 1 cup fresh parsley, chopped • grated zest of 1 lemon • 1 cup grated Parmesan • olive oil method 1 In a flat dish, mix the Corn Flakes, lemon zest, parmesan and half the parsley together.

tip:

This is a wheatfree recipe. You can use frozen hake fillets, which you’ll need to defrost about an hour before you cook them.

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2 Put each fish fillet in the egg, then into the crumb mixture, back into the egg and again in the crumbs.

3 Fry the fillets in a pan in a little bit of olive oil.

for the mayo mix together the following • 4 tbsp mayo • 1 heaped tsp of wholegrain mustard • juice from half a lemon • the other half of the parsley

tip: This recipe is gluten-free, sugar-free and wheat-free. Gluten-free oats can be found at health stores. Serve the muesli with fruit salad and fruit juice for a dairy free option.

choc chip cookies ingredients • 50g butter • 60g castor sugar • 60g brown treacle sugar • 1 large egg • 1 tsp vanilla essence • 150g gluten-free cake flour • 1 tsp baking powder • 100g dark choc chips method 1 Preheat the oven to 180°C. 2 Beat together the butter, vanilla essence, sugar and egg.

3 Add the flour and baking powder and beat again.

4 Stir in the choc chips and mix well.

5 Place tablespoons of the mixture onto a lined baking tray and bake for 12–15 minutes.

tip:

This is a gluten-free recipe. Replace the sugar with a sugar substitute such as stevia or xylitol and the choc chips with diabetic chocolate, chopped into smallish pieces, for a sugar-free version.

magazine pretoria

PHOTOGRAPHS: shutterstock.com / NIKKI-LEIGH PIPER

Many children and adults are unable to eat certain foods for whatever reasons. They may be diabetic, wheat intolerant or need to avoid dairy. Child magazine puts together some tasty treats that are either wheat-, gluten-, dairy- or sugar-free or vegan.

books

a good read for toddlers

for preschoolers

for early graders Dogtective William Travels the World

By Elizabeth Wasserman and Chris Venter

I am an Artist

By Marta Altes (Published by Macmillan Children’s Books, R191) This is the perfect book for anyone who loves making art. Meet the boy who can’t stop creating art. He loves colours, shapes, textures, movement and everything inspires him: his socks, the contents of the fridge, even his cat gets a new coat of paint. But there’s just one problem: his mom isn’t quite so enthusiastic. In fact, she seems a little cross. But this boy has a plan to make his mom smile. He’s about to create his finest piece yet and on a very grand scale. This is a sharp, silly, fabulously funny book for children from the age of three, which shows that art is everywhere.

The Name of the Tree is Bojabi

By Piet Grobler and Dianne Hofmeyr (Published by Human & Rousseau, R145) The animals are very hungry, and then they see a tree covered in ripe fruits. But wrapped around the tree is the largest python they have ever seen. Python will only let the animals eat the fruit if they can tell him the name of the tree. Only the King of the Jungle knows, and he is far away. This is a story for children between five and seven, who enjoy silly names and rhymes. The repetitive element reinforces the idea of being on a journey and the power of the story lies in a little tortoise that offers the other animals hope.

parenting book Whatever, Mom: Body Piercings and other Power Struggles

By Dr Linda Friedland (Published by NB Publishers, R195) How can we find the resources in ourselves to get through this difficult time to bring our teens up well? This is a practical and informative guide to handling the challenges parents face when their children enter this complex phase.

Find out about how best to deal with the issues that concern you most as a parent, including communication problems, alcohol and substance abuse, teenage love and sex, bad manners, poor school performance, eating disorders, and internet and cellphones. This book is packed with commonsense from a parent who has been there herself.

magazine pretoria

(Published by Tafelberg Publishers, R115) Adrian is 12 years old and an only child. He spends a lot of time with his dog, William, which the family adopted from the SPCA a few years ago. But only Adrian knows William’s secret: he understands human language and he can talk. William reveals this to Adrian in the car on their very first trip home from the SPCA. But Adrian learns even more secrets about his dog in this book, the first of a series featuring Adrian and William’s adventures all over the world. Under the pretence of going on a soccer tour, Adrian and William, who is a dog detective, make arrangements to travel to Istanbul where, in true espionage-style, William’s contact awaits. From there the hunt for the villain, Scurvy Scabscratch, takes them to Venice, Paris, Amsterdam and, finally, London.

for preteens and teens Warp: The Reluctant Assassin

By Eoin Colfer (Published by Hyperion Books, R203) This is the first book in a new series for children aged nine to 12 years old. The reluctant assassin is Riley, a Victorian boy who is suddenly plucked from his own time and whisked into the 21st century, accused of murder and on the run. Riley has been pulled into the FBI’s covert W.A.R.P. operation (Witness Anonymous Relocation Program). He and young FBI agent Chevie Savano are forced to flee terrifying assassinfor-hire Albert Garrick, who pursues Riley through time and will not stop until he has hunted him down. Riley and Chevie must stay alive and stop Garrick returning to his own time with knowledge and power that could change the world forever.

for us The Little Coffee Shop of Kabul

By Deborah Rodriguez (Published by Little, Brown & Company, R125) In a little coffee shop in one of the most dangerous places on earth, five very different women come together: Sunny, the proud proprietor, who needs an ingenious plan, fast, to keep her café and customers safe; Yazmina, a young pregnant woman stolen from her remote village and now abandoned on Kabul’s violent streets; Candace, a wealthy American who has finally left her husband for her Afghan lover, the enigmatic Wakil; Isabel, a determined journalist with a secret that might keep her from the biggest story of her life; and Halajan, the 60-year-old den mother, whose long-hidden love affair breaks all the rules. As these five women discover there’s more to one another than meets the eye, they form a unique bond that will forever change their lives and the lives of many others.

October 2013

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calendar

what’s on in october

You can also access the calendar online at

childmag.co.za

Your guide to a month of family friendly activities in your city. Compiled by SIMONE JEFFERY.

26 sat

special events

25

FUN for children

26

only for parents

27

bump, baby & tot in tow

28

how to help

28

SPECIAL EVENTS

FUN FOR CHILDREN

ONLY FOR PARENTS

bump, baby & tot in tow

how to help

A creative being Children explore their creativity and dabble in various art projects every Friday.

Verdi Opera Gala BTE VO1SS pays tribute to Verdi, one of the most influential and celebrated composers of the 19th century.

Discovering parenthood New moms are guided into motherhood with a series of postnatal classes.

Bluemoon equine assisted therapy programme This organisation offers equine therapy for abused and disabled children.

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October 2013

magazine pretoria

PHOTOGRAPHS: shutterstock.com

Pick n Pay Women’s Walk This walk is to raise funds for the Pink Drive, which aims to educate and raise awareness among women of all ages.

SPECIAL EVENTS 3 thursday ASG Night Series This mountain bike and trail run series takes participants past rosemary fields, dams, across streams and through indigenous vegetation. There is a 4km children’s race. For children 5 years and older. Time: registration 4pm–6pm, races start from 6pm. Venue: Rosemary Hill, 257 Mooiplaats. Cost: main race R120, trail run R65, children’s race R30. Contact: 012 751 4130, walt@asgworld.co.za or visit asgevents.co.za

National Bandana Day Purchase your bandana and wear it with pride to help raise funds and promote awareness of The Sunflower Fund. They raises the money necessary to test potential donors to be added to the South African Bone Marrow Registry. Bandanas are available at Pick n Pay stores nationwide and Round Table Southern Africa, including Namibia. Cost: R25. Contact: 0800 121 082 or visit sunflowerfund.org.za

12

5 saturday Aspirant musicians Relax and enjoy an evening with 120 guitar students, who are performing with a live band. The guest speaker is Manuel Escórcio. Time: 7pm. Venue: Aula Theatre, Tuks Main Campus. Cost: R80–R200. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.co.za Ludwig’s Spring Festival View the roses in their full spring splendour and learn about flower arranging, landscaping and potting from guest speakers. Children can take part in the pixie pot planting workshops and flower arranging. The Petal Powered Walk on the ecotrack takes place at 8am. Also 10, 11, 12 and 13 October.

Time: varies. Venue: Ludwig’s Rose Farm, N1 Polokwane north, Wallmannstahl/ Pyramid off-ramp. Cost: varies. Contact: 012 544 0144 or visit ludwigsroses.co.za

12 saturday Sailing and canoeing open day The Pretoria Sailing Club (PSC) and Centurion Canoe Club are hosting a joint open day to give people a chance to experience both these sports. Bring a picnic or braai and enjoy the day on the dam with friends and family. Non-members are welcome by prior arrangement. Time: 9am–2pm.

Venue: Rietvlei Nature Reserve, just off the R21 highway, Centurion. Cost: open day is free. Contact: Wendy (PSC): 081 866 8831 or Darryl (Centurion Canoe Club): 082 893 9141 Tie-dye rainbow fun Bring along an old, plain, white T-shirt (100% cotton), or even a couple of new ones, and transform

sat

registration 7:30am, walk starts 9am. Venue: LC De Villiers Sports Ground, Hatfield. Cost: adults R35, children R20. Contact: 0861 000 858 or visit pnptickets.co.za Soulspace This spiritual festival gives you an opportunity to view exhibitions, listen to talks and participate in workshops and sacred ceremonies. The children’s programme offers a fantasy play area where they can participate in yoga, book readings, labyrinth building and more. Also 27 October. Time: 10am–10pm, Saturday; 10am–8pm, Sunday; children’s programme runs from 10:45am–5pm, daily. Venue: Kloofzicht Lodge and Spa, Kromdraai Rd, Muldersdrift. Cost: adults R125, children 4–16 years old R75. Contact: 082 949 9449 or visit soulspace.co.za or for tickets: visit quicket.co.za

27 sunday them into rainbows. Young children must be accompanied by an adult. Bookings recommended. Time: 10am–1pm. Venue: Las Vegas Costumes, Montana Crossings, cnr Zambesi Rd and Veronica St, Montana.

Cost: R100. Contact: 083 568 9150, info@ dyeandprints.co.za or visit facebook.com/ dyeandprints

15 tuesday Clean Hands Save Lives Global Handwashing Day encourages young and old to turn washing your hands with soap before eating and after using the toilet into an ingrained habit to prevent unnecessary illness and the spread of disease. For more info: visit globalhandwashingday.org

19 saturday Zoo fun walk Enjoy an early 5km walk around a few of the animal enclosures inside the zoo. Babies in prams are welcome.

Time: registration 6am; walk starts 6:30am.

Venue: National Zoological Gardens, 232 Boom St, Pretoria. Cost: adults R40, children R25. Contact: 012 323 0294 or visit nzg.ac.za

20 sunday It’s all in the genes On National Down Syndrome Awareness Day people are asked to purchase their supporter’s sticker and wear their favourite pair of jeans. Cost: R5

per sticker. Contact: 0861 369 672 or visit downsyndrome.org.za

25 friday Banff Mountain Film Festival 2013 Experience the adventure of climbing, base jumping, alpine skiing, kayaking, mountain expeditions, remote cultures, and the world’s last great wild places during the screening of this year’s documentary film festival. Ends 31 October. Time: 8:15pm.

Venue: Ster-Kinekor at Brooklyn Mall, cnr Fehrsen St and Lange St, New Muckleneuk.

Cost: tbc. Book through Ster-Kinekor’s Ticketline: 082 16789 or visit banff.co.za

26 saturday Lego Brick Fair Young and old show off their intricate Lego creations, big and small. A 6m-long Lego fire truck will also be built during the fair. Exhibitors need to book. Also 27 October. Time: 9am–5pm.

Venue: Pick n Pay court, Irene Village Mall, cnr Nellmapius St and Pierre van Reineveld Ave. Cost: free. Contact: 012 662 0818 or visit toyadventures.co.za Pick n Pay Women’s Walk Take part in the 5km fun walk to raise funds for the Pink Drive who provides free breast cancer screening and education to women in underprivileged communities around SA. Everyone is encouraged to dress up for the best dressed competition. All ages. Time:

Fun day at Cedar Junction Jump inside the caboose of the miniature diesel, petrol or steam train and enjoy a trip around the 1,2km track. There are also cartoon characters, face painting and more. Time: 8am–5pm. Venue: Cedar Junction Theme Park, plot 404, Graham Rd, Zwavelpoort.

Cost: R20. Contact: 012 811 1183 or visit cedarjunction.co.za Park Acoustics Enjoy an afternoon of South African music with a view of Joburg and Pretoria. There are generally three to four proudly South African bands performing per gig. Time: 11am. Venue: Fort Schanskop, Voortrekker Monument, Eeufees Rd, Groenkloof. Cost: R60–R100.

Book through Ticketbreak: 012 326 0560 or visit ticketbreak.co.za

15 October – Clean Hands Save Lives

family marketplace

magazine pretoria

October 2013

25

calendar

FUN FOR CHILDREN art, culture and science Sasol New Signatures View the collection of artwork submitted for this year’s national art competition. 28 August–13 October.

Time: 10am–5pm, Tuesday–Sunday. Venue: Pretoria Art Museum, cnr Francis Baard St and Wessels St, Arcadia Park, Arcadia. Cost: adults R20, pensioners and students R10, learners R5. Contact: 012 344 1807 or visit sasolsignatures.co.za Woodlands Boulevard Art Festival Artwork from primary and high school learners throughout Pretoria East are on display. 13 September–6 October. Time: 9am–7pm, Monday–Thursday; 9am–8pm, Friday; 8am–7pm, Saturday; 9am–5pm, Sunday. Venue: Woodlands Boulevard Shopping Centre, cnr Garsfontein Rd and De Villebois Mareuil Dr, Pretorius Park, Pretoria East. Cost: free. Contact: 012 997 9460 or visit woodlandsboulevard.co.za

classes, talks and workshops A creative being Children of all ages take part in a creative art and craft class that explores mosaics, pottery, painting, quilting, paper crafts and more. For children 5–15 years old. 11, 18 and 25 October. Time: 2pm–4pm. Venue: Art Angels Studio, Koedoeberg Rd, Faerie Glen.

Cost: R150 per two-hour class, R450 per month (includes materials). Contact: 071 675 2030, info@artangels.co.za or visit artangels.co.za Celebrating creativity with chocolate Children decorate a chocolate scroll, paint chocolate moulds and garnish a pizza with chocolate. Booking essential. For children 8–13 years old. 18 and 24 October. Time: 2pm–4:30pm. Venue: Snyman Sjokolateur, Waterkloof Ridge. Cost: R120 (bring your own drinks and salty treats). Contact: 012 347 8497, 074 140 1087 or visit snymanchocolates.com Children can cook They make and pack a fun, healthy picnic and lunchbox.

Booking essential. For children 10 years and older. 26 October. Time 11am. Venue: Ça Ira Wellness Retreat Guesthouse, 791 Government Ave, Eastwood.

Cost R150. Contact: 012 342 6085 or wellness@caira.co.za

family outings Joburg’s Red Bus Hop on board the red, open-topped, double-decker sightseeing bus and explore Joburg, with eight stops in the inner city and four stops in the south.

Until the end of October, two children under 18 years can travel free with any full paying adult in possession of a valid GeePee card.

Ends 31 October. Time: 10:05am–5pm, daily. Venue: departs from Gold Reef City, Northern Park Way, Ormonde, Joburg.

Cost: adults R150, children R70, children under 5 free. Contact: 0861 733 287 or visit citysightseeing.co.za Polkadraai Sunday festival Every Sunday you are welcome to pop into the Polkadraai Festival Grounds to enjoy a braai and the live music provided by various artists. Braai facilities, braai packs, tables and chairs are available. Time: 9am–6pm, every

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October 2013

Tea at Melrose Melrose House, built by George Jesse in 1886, played a significant role in bringing about the end to the Anglo-Boer War in 1902.

The house provides visitors with a trip back in time with its period furniture, porcelain works, paintings, stained glass windows and more. Time: 10am–5pm, Tuesday–Sunday. Venue: Melrose House, 275 Jacob Maré St, Pretoria Central. Cost: adults R20, pensioners and children R10, guided tours from R120.

Contact: 012 322 2805 or visit melrosehouse.co.za

Sunday. Venue: Polkadraai St, Zwartkops, Centurion. Cost: adults R30, children free; food and drinks vary. Contact: 082 324 7604 or visit polkadraai.co.za

finding nature and outdoor play Irene Dairy Farm Enjoy a picnic on the lawns as your children play on the jungle gym. Take advantage of their custommade picnic baskets or mix and match your own by buying a few items from the farm shop and deli. Time: 8am–6pm, daily.

Venue: Irene Dairy Farm, Nellmapius Dr, Centurion. Cost: varies. Contact: 012 667 4822 or visit irenefarm.co.za Nurtured by nature Pack a swimming costume, picnic hamper and hiking shoes to explore the sanctuary, a private nature reserve set in the Magaliesberg. The reserve offers hiking and mountain bike trails, crystal clear rock pools and a swimming pool with a wooden deck. Booking essential.

26 October – Children can cook

Time: 8am–5pm, daily. Venue: Mountain Sanctuary Park, off the R104, Buffelspoort, Magaliesburg. Cost: adults R100, children R50, R30 per vehicle. Contact: 014 534 0114 or visit mountain-sanctuary.co.za Underground gemstone mine tour Journey deep into a replica gemstone mine and explore its colourful chambers and passages with a tour guide. Afterwards you can see how the gems are polished, delve into the scratch patch and enjoy a ride on the peddle go-karts. Time: 8am–4pm, Monday–Saturday; 9am–1pm, Sunday. Venue: Mapatiza, 52 Mercury Ave, Crowthorne, Midrand. Cost: adults R40, children R30, scratch patch R40, peddle go-karts R20. Contact: 011 468 1467, info@geckojewellers.co.za or visit geckojewellers.co.za Willem Prinsloo Agricultural Museum This museum boasts the largest collection of farming implements in the country and a unique collection of vehicles. By prior booking, you can enjoy demonstrations, which include candle-making, cowmilking, roasting coffee beans and baking bread. Time: 8am–4pm, Monday–Saturday; 9am–4pm, Sunday. Venue: Willem Prinsloo Agricultural Museum, N4 from Pretoria to Witbank. Cost: adults R20, children R10.

Contact: 012 736 2035, prinsloo@ditsong. org.za or visit ditsong.org.za

markets Books2You book fair Hundreds of books for you to discover. Every book bought helps get free books for your school. 29 and 30 October. Time: 10am–3:30pm, Tuesday; 7:30am–2pm, Wednesday. Venue: Hatfield Christian School, 551 January Masilela Dr, Waterkloof Glen. Cost: free entry. Contact: 031 705 7744 or orders@books2you.co.za Faerie Folk Christmas market Visit the stalls selling knick-knacks, crafts, plants, books, Christmas decorations and gifts.

Grab a bite to eat in the tea garden while the children enjoy the entertainment and visits from the special faeries. 31 October– 3 November. Time: 10am–6pm. Venue: Faerie Folk, 303 Murray St, Brooklyn. Cost: free entry. Contact: 012 460 6894, 082 885 0207, faeries@faeriefolk.co.za or visit faeriefolk.co.za Food, glorious food The choices are numerous at the Hazel Food Market. As you make your way past the 70 quality food stalls your children can visit the children’s corner, where there’s a jungle gym, jumping castle and other supervised activities. Time: 8am–2pm, every Saturday; candlelight

Let the adventure begin

market 5 October: 5pm–9pm. Venue: Greenlyn Village Centre, cnr Mackenzie St and 13th St, Menlo Park. Cost: free entry. Contact: 083 554 5636, info@hazelfoodmarket.co.za or visit hazelfoodmarket.co.za Irene Village Market Take a stroll through the market with more than 300 stalls with handcrafted goodies and a separate deli and antique section. 12 and 26 October.

Time: 9am–2pm. Venue: Irene Smuts House Museum, Jan Smuts Ave, off Nellmapius Ave, Irene, Centurion. Cost: free entry.

Contact: 012 667 1659, irenemkt@mweb. co.za or visit irenemarket.co.za Klip Klap Market Stallholders sell art and antiques at this market, set in a tranquil setting on the edge of Pretoria East. Visitors can also find books, jewellery and much more. 20 October. Time: 9am–3pm. Venue: 78A Leander St, Olympus, Pretoria East.

Cost: free entry. Contact: 082 755 0586 or visit klipklap.co.za Mediterranean Market An array of eats, treats and gifts are on sale at this market on the upper level of the mall.

12 and 26 October. Time: 9am–2pm.

Venue: The Grove Mall, cnr Lynnwood Rd and Simon Vermooten Rd, Equestria. Cost: free entry. Contact: 072 758 7436 or visit thegrovemall.co.za

on stage and screen Eighties and Nineties Collide A musical battle where the new wave and electronic pop of the 80s goes up against the grunge and hip-hop music of the 90s. 15 October– 29 December. Time: 8pm, Tuesday–Saturday; 2pm, Sunday. Venue: Barnyard Theatre Parkview, Parkview Shopping Centre, cnr Garsfontein Rd and Netcare St, Moreleta Park. Cost: R95–R160. Contact: 012 368 1555, parkview1@barnyardtheatres.co.za or visit barnyardtheatre.co.za The Big Bad Musical Justice has caught up with the notorious Big Bad Wolf and it is time for him to be tried for all his wrongdoings. Little Red Riding Hood and the Three Little Pigs are at the biggest trial ever in the fairytale world. 11–13 October.

Time: 1pm and 3pm, Friday; 10am, 12pm and 2pm, Saturday and Sunday. Venue: magazine pretoria

Montecasino Ballroom, cnr William Nicol Dr and Witkoppen Rd, Fourways. Cost: R50. Book through their box office: 011 510 7995 or visit montecasino.co.za

playtime and story time Let the adventure begin There’s an indoor play park with a two-level padded jungle gym, ball pools, slides, a netted trampoline, mini basketball court and more. Parents can join in the fun or relax in the coffee shop. Caretakers available on weekends. For children 0–7 years old.

Time: 9am–5pm, daily. Venue: upper level, Centurion Mall, John Vorster Dr, Centurion.

Cost: R40 per child per hour. Contact: 074 122 2787, info@mungolistix.co.za or visit mungolistix.co.za The need for speed This is an indoor go-karting track with a timing system to keep track of your lap time. Challenge your friends to a Grand Prix or endurance race, or opt for the “arrive and drive” and select the amount of laps. Time: 10am–late, Tuesday– Sunday. Venue: K1 Racing, undercover parking area, Kolonnade Shopping Centre, cnr Dr Van der Merwe St and Zambesi Dr, Montana Park. Cost: from R60 for 10 laps. Contact: 082 929 0411, success4u-2@ absamail.co.za or visit k1racing.co.za

sport and physical activities Children and family yoga Yoga classes help children with focus and concentration, flexibility and strengthening of the body.

magazine pretoria

Parents are welcome to join, or children can do it on their own. Every week the classes follow a different story. Booking essential.

Time: 3pm–3:45pm, every Monday. Venue: Yoga Connection, 107 Pine Ave, Bronberrik, Centurion. Cost: R300 per family, R200 per child. Contact: 082 572 4880 or visit yogacenturion.co.za Monkeying around An outdoor obstacle course for adventure lovers to swing, climb and zip across suspension bridges and ladders, located in a thicket of blue gum trees. Suitable for children from 3 years

old. Time: 9am–5pm. Venue: Acrobranch at the Big Red Barn, cnr Nelson Rd and Glen Rd, Sunlawns Estate, Olifantsfontein.

Cost: R30–R150. Contact: 083 925 0679, redbarn@acrobranch.co.za or visit acrobranch.co.za/centurion

only for parents classes, talks and workshops Comprehensive domestic helper course Over eight weeks your domestic

The Buzz Zone Holiday Centre The days are jam-packed with structured art and crafts activities and supervised free play. For children 6 years and older. 23 September–4 October. Time: 7:20am–5:30pm.

Venue: The Buzz Zone Holiday Centre, 916 Saint Bernard Dr, Garsfontein. Cost: R100 half-day; R120 full day; R500 for the week. Contact: 012 993 0277, kerrytierney@ thebuzzzone.co.za or visit thebuzzzone.co.za

helper is taught all the ins and outs of caring for your children. Time: 1pm–4pm, every Thursday. Venue: Netcare Unitas Hospital, Clifton Ave, Lyttelton. Cost: R950.

Contact: 012 677 8212, linda.beets@ netcare.co.za or visit netcare.co.za Cooking and nutrition for children This course is tailored to suit moms, grannies and domestic helpers. It covers more than 80 recipes, cooking methods, hygiene, feeding tips and more. 21 October. Time: 9am–1:30pm. Venue: 542 Honeybird St, The Meadows Estate, Tyger Valley. Cost: R550, includes a recipe book. Contact: 082 951 8129 or info@t4u.co.za Montessori information session Find out more about the Montessori training courses offered in 2014. 19 October. Time: 8:30am–9:30am. Venue: The Montessori Academy, plot 84 Zwavelpoort, Pretoria East. Cost: free. Contact: 082 900 3192, heidi@montessorisa.co.za or visit montessorisa.co.za Pottery classes Sink your fingers into the clay and turn it into a masterpiece.

Time: 10am–1pm, Tuesday and Wednesday; 6:30pm–9:30pm, Monday–Wednesday.

Venue: Rhoda Henning’s Pottery and Art Studio, 250 Olivier St, Brooklyn. Cost: R660 per month (once a week). Contact: 012 460 8845 or visit rhodahenning.co.za Raising children workshop Parents are taught practical communication and conflict handling skills. 5 October.

Time: 9am–12pm. Venue: Hedgehog

October 2013

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calendar Meadow Nursery School, 18 King Willow Crescent, Randjiesfontein, Midrand. Cost: R50. Contact: 082 904 8127, heidimalan@ mweb.co.za or visit parents.co.za

on stage and screen Dark Side of the Moon Mel Botes performs a tribute to Pink Floyd. 12 October. Time: 8pm. Venue: Atterbury Theatre, 4 Daventry St, Lynnwood. Cost: R180. Contact: 012 471 1700 or visit atterburytheatre.co.za Moerkoffie The three talented ladies from DoringDraadDuwwels perform new FAK songs, as well as a few old favourites. 4 and 5 October. Time: 6:30pm for 7pm. Venue: Pierneef Theatre, Mogg St, Deerness, Pretoria. Contact: 012 329 0709, 083 615 3906, info@pierneefteater.co.za or visit pierneefteater.co.za Smokie – Take a Minute World Tour British pop group Smokie, with its charttopping hits like Living Next Door to Alice and Needles and Pins, performs two concerts. 4 and 5 October. Time: 8pm.

Venue: Big Top Arena at Carnival City, cnr Century Rd and Elsburg Rd, Brakpan. Cost: R295–R595. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit smokie.co.za Verdi Opera Gala BTE VO1SS pays tribute to Verdi, one of the most influential and celebrated composers of the 19th century.

Verdi enthusiasts can look forward to the traditional presentation of the maestro’s sublime chorus works, which will range from his most popular works to the rarely performed. 13 October. Time: 3pm. Venue: Aula Theatre, Tuks main campus. Cost: R180–R350. Book through Computicket: 0861 915 8000 or visit computicket.com

out and about Home Inspirations Expo Visit the mall to get ideas on home decor, furniture, DIY, gardening and more. 24–27 October. Time: 9am–7pm, Monday–Thursday; 9am–8pm, Friday; 8am–7pm, Saturday; 9am–5pm, Sunday. Venue: Woodlands Boulevard Shopping Centre, cnr Garsfontein Rd and De Villebois Mareuil Dr, Pretorius Park, Pretoria East. Cost: free. Contact: 012 997 9460, info@woodlandsboulevard.co.za or visit woodlandsboulevard.co.za

Home Inspirations Expo

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October 2013

Art Angels mosaic workshop Learn a variety of mosaic cutting techniques, design tips and installation methods, while relaxing with a cup of tea or coffee and socialising with like-minded women.

Perfect for beginners. 10, 12, 17, 19 and 24 October. Time: 10am– 1pm and 5pm–8pm, Thursday; 10am–2pm, Saturday. Venue: Art Angels Studio, Koedoeberg Rd, Faerie Glen. Cost: R250 per day, R590 per month. Contact: 071 675 2030, info@artangels.co.za, or visit artangels.co.za

support groups Single parents support group A social club for single parents and their children, which meets and takes part in various activities every month. 12 October.

Time: 1pm. Venue: varies. Cost: free membership. Contact: 076 054 5510 or visit soloparenting.weebly.com Bump baby and tot

bump, baby & Tot in tow

classes, talks and workshops Antenatal and postnatal classes Comprehensive classes prepare you for the birth of your child and guide you through the first few months thereafter.

Time: postnatal classes 10am–12pm, every Monday; antenatal classes 6pm–8pm, every Monday and 8am–4pm, every Saturday.

Closed on the first Monday of the month.

Venue: Mother and Baby Wellness Centre, Kloof MediClinc, 511 Jochemus St, Erasmus Kloof. Cost: postnatal R100 per session; antenatal R700 for five weeks. Contact: 012 367 4060, lucille.bam@mediclinic. co.za or visit mediclinic.co.za Discovering parenthood Postnatal classes teach new moms everything they need to know with regards to CPR, handling sick babies, discipline, stimulation, massage and more. Time: 10am–11am, every Tuesday. Venue: Netcare Unitas Hospital, Clifton Ave, Lyttelton. Cost: R150–R200.

Contact: 012 677 8212, linda.beets@ netcare.co.za or visit netcare.co.za Preggie Yoga The class is effortless, nonstrenuous and suitable for beginners through to advanced participants. Through yoga, muscle tone is strengthened and improved, backache is relieved and posture corrected.

Time: 11am–12:30pm, every Saturday.

Venue: Yoga Connection, 243 Brooks St, Brooklyn, Pretoria East. Cost: tbc. Contact: 072 333 3646 or visit yogaconnection.co.za Pregnancy Education Workshop This workshop is ideally suited to women in the first 16 weeks of their pregnancy. Find out how your baby is developing, common pregnancy problems, diet issues, screening tests and more. The workshop is presented by a qualified nurse from Stork’s Nest Clinic.

A tour of the maternity ward is available.

23 October. Time: 3:30pm–5:30pm.

Venue: Netcare Montana Hospital, cnr Dr Swanepoel Way and Rooibos St, Montana Park. Cost: free. Contact: 012 523 3008, christina.moutinho@netcare.co.za or visit netcare.co.za Preparing for baby Comprehensive antenatal classes help prepare mom and dad for the birthing process and the arrival of their baby. Booking essential. Time: 5:15pm–7pm, every Tuesday. Venue: Baby Clinic, Pretoria East Hospital, Parkview Shopping Mall, off Garsfontein Rd, Woodhill. Cost: R900 for 6 classes. Contact: 012 995 4300, info@babywellclinic.co.za or visit babywellclinic.co.za Toptots term 4 begins Share and be a part of your little one’s development while having fun with other moms. 7 October.

Time: varies. Venues: Centurion and Faerie Glen. Cost: varies. Contact head office: 031 266 4910, 082 876 7791, info@toptots. co.za or visit toptots.co.za

playtime and story time Baby Massage Demonstration Bring your baby for an informative demonstration and talk by a qualified baby massage instructor. 17 October.

Time: 9am–11am. Venue: Seedlings at the West View Methodist Church, 83 Tortelduif St, Centurion. Cost: none, but donations for tea and cake are welcome. Contact: jaclynturley@gmail.com Crazi Cow This is a quiet place for children to rough and tumble in the sand as you enjoy a cup of coffee and a light meal. Time: 9am–5pm, daily. Venue: Stimustation, 44 Alexandra St, Doringkloof. Cost: free entry.

Contact: 012 667 5199, info@stimustation. co.za or visit stimustation.co.za Messy play Bring your baby for a morning of messy play to stimulate their tactile sense, and enjoy a cup of tea and a slice of cake. 3 October. Time: 9am–11am. Venue: Seedlings at the West View Methodist Church, 83 Tortelduif St, Centurion. Cost: none, but donations for tea and cake are welcome. Contact: jaclynturley@gmail.com

support groups Association for Autism support group meeting This is a round-table, open-mic support group meeting for parents, children, caretakers, people with autism and all interested individuals.

Share your experiences and hear from others to find solutions that may work for you in the management of autism in your family. 19 October. Time: 9am–11am. Venue: The Association for Autism, Room 201, 546 Douglas Scholtz St, Constantia Park. Cost: free. Contact: 012 993 4628, development@afa.org.za or visit afa.org.za

Crazi Cow

how to help Bluemoon equine assisted therapy programme This organisation offers a specialised riding programme for ablebodied riders and riders living with mental, neurological and physical disabilities.

They need volunteers to assist with the transportation of the children, as well as to interact with the children during the programme. Contact: 071 417 0268, nicky. futcher@gmail.com or visit facebook.com/ BluemoonEquineAssistedTherapyProgram Helping SA’s cancer awareness campaign This non-profit organisation raises funds for children with cancer in state hospitals. The funds are used to buy the children clothing (pajamas) and toys to keep their minds off what they are going through. They also assist with transport for the children and their parents to and from the hospital. They are asking for donations of R100, in return for a cancer awareness brochure and a handmade ribbon. Contact: 011 025 6941, 081 703 6774 or visit helping-sa.co.za Operation Smile Medical volunteers provide free surgery to children and adults with facial deformities throughout southern and central Africa. You can assist with monetary donations by volunteering your time, or by getting creative and organising your own fundraiser. Contact: 021 447 3608, infosa@operationsmile.org or visit southafrica.operationsmile.org Zambia Project This organisation operating in Zambia is involved in many different projects, from establishing water wells to community development, medical outreach, building training centres, assisting HIV babies and more. They are in need of individual volunteers, volunteer teams and monetary donations. Contact: info@zam.co.za or visit zam.co.za

don’t miss out!

For a free listing, email your event to pretoria@childmag.co.za or fax it to 011 234 4971. Information must be received by 4 October for the November issue, and must include all relevant details.

No guarantee can be given that it will be published. To post an event online, visit childmag.co.za

magazine pretoria

it’s party time For more help planning your child’s party visit

childmag.co.za/resources/birthday-parties

magazine pretoria

October 2013

29

finishing touch

make a date!

Despite the difficulties of taking a night off, ANÉL LEWIS knows the

a

Erin, Anél and Conor

n email popped into my inbox recently, informing me that “research shows that dating once a month significantly improves relationships”. It goes on to say that 92 percent of couples who make the elusive “date night” a priority have increased satisfaction in their relationships.

30

October 2013

With two small children under the age of three, our version of a date night is if we both manage to stay awake during an episode of MasterChef. Organising someone to watch the children and finding a night where one of us isn’t working late, takes about as much organisation and manoeuvring as one of Jacob Zuma’s cabinet reshuffles.

But it’s not only the synching of our online diaries that makes date night a bit of a pipe dream, it’s also the subtle mind games that Erin plays to make sure we don’t plan an escape sometime between her bath- and bedtime. She has gotten wise to our tricks and can sniff a date night a mile off. If she notices that I have not removed my shoes after coming home, she will quickly tell me, “You’re not going out, Mom. You’re here now.” Suddenly there’s 101 things I have to paint, read, see and do with her before I can ever leave the house again.

So we used to lie and say that we were going shopping. Erin bought it, for the first few times. But when we started forgetting to bring her something back from “the shops” she realised what we were up to, and now she insists on coming with us.

With our hopes of some alone time dashed, Craig and I started losing track of each other in the hurly-burly of supper, school runs and story times before bed.

Remember how a poster of the singer from that Norwegian boy band of the eighties, A-ha, could get your pulse racing? Well, trapped in the Groundhog Day of domesticity, all it took was for Craig to change a nappy, or offer to make Conor’s bottle, to get my heart beating.

I was okay with this diluted, rather tame version of romance. I mean, we’d had our wine and cheese picnics in the vineyards when we were still footloose and fancy-

free. Who said trying to make eye contact while our toddlers unravelled three rolls of toilet paper at our feet couldn’t be sexy?

And then that email arrived, reminding me that date night is not a “nice-to-have”, but a must-have to help us keep the flame flickering, and to make us nicer people again when we come home after “shopping”.

So now we make a concerted effort to set aside some time just for us. We’ve just given up on the elusive date night by settling for date anything – date mornings, date lunch breaks, even date five minutes.

Satisfaction guaranteed!

Anél Lewis can’t remember when she finished a plate of food, never mind ordered off a menu while out with her husband.

She’s accepted that the “date night” is as elusive as the yeti, and has settled for staring longingly into her spouse’s eyes, while the children eat their noodles.

magazine pretoria

PHOTOGRAPH: STEPHANIE VELDMAN

importance of spending a few special moments with her husband.