Child magazine | DBN April/May 2017

healthy & happy families

D U R B A N ’ S

b e s t

g u i d e

f o r

p a r e n t s

live the good life AT HOME how to thrive on a single income IN THE CLASSROOM choose the school that best suits your child & you ON STAGE grow an appreciation for the arts IN THE KITCHEN turn mealtimes into a celebration, Portuguese style

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The good life... means different things to different families. When I was a little girl, Easter could not come soon enough. My brother Malcolm and I would wake up early and run barefoot into the garden, hoping that we hadn’t beaten the Easter bunny to his rounds. With the dew still fresh on the grass, we searched through the snapdragon and daisy bushes for delicious chocolate marshmallow eggs. The creeping granadilla and sweet pea vines were other favourite hiding places of this generous bunny, who brought laughter and chocolate-smeared smiles way before breakfast time and church. With our little baskets filled to the brim, Malcolm and I would head inside to trade our treasure and munch on freshly-baked hot cross buns, washed down with steaming cups of rooibos tea. Today, just the smell of those cinnamony buns takes me back… to the good life. Knowing how important these family rituals were to me when I was growing up, my husband and I have created our own with our two daughters, which have helped us make memorable moments together as a family and overcome many trials and tribulations.

In this issue we have rounded up some of the things we feel may contribute to your family’s health, happiness and fulfilment. As you flip through the pages, take some time out to think about what it really means to you to live the good life.

Lisa Mc Namara, Publisher

In our next issue, we introduce you to our new editor, Jessica Baxter. A mom of two children under two, Jessica has a passion for parenting and is brimming with enthusiasm for her new role.

We know you will love her as much as we do.

Hunter House P U B L I S H I N G

Publisher Lisa Mc Namara • lisa@childmag.co.za

Child magazine Online

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Jessica Baxter • editor@childmag.co.za Resource Editor Tamlyn Vincent • durban@childmag.co.za

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Durban’s Child magazine is published alternate monthly by Hunter House Publishing, PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010.

Office address: Unit 7, Canterbury Studios, 35 Wesley Street, Gardens, Cape Town. Tel: 021 465 6093, fax: 021 462 2680, email: info@childmag.co.za. Annual subscriptions (for six issues) cost R220, including VAT and postage inside SA. Printed by Paarl Web. Copyright subsists in all work published in Durban’s Child magazine. We welcome submissions but retain the unrestricted right to change any received copy.

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contents

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finding the right school

3 a note from lisa 8 over to you Readers respond

features 14 finding the right school A guide for parents on making the right choice for your child

17 inside the single-income home Can having one parent at home save you money? Lucille Kemp investigates

18 show time! Simone Gray explains the importance of introducing children to the

performing arts

20 disengaging the mothership Stay-at-home mom Leonora Found escapes suburbia for some much-needed me time

regulars 9 pregnancy news – pregnancy tests Glynis Horning looks at the different tests pregnant women are encouraged to take and why

10 dealing with difference – overcoming the challenges of bedwetting

Sasha Cuff finds out how to help children cope with this common problem

12 best for baby – stopping the itch Tamlyn Vincent uncovers the causes of eczema in babies and how to treat it

21 resource – to Mom... with love Last-minute gift ideas for Mother’s Day 22 a good read For the whole family 24 what’s on in April and May 26 finishing touch Anél Lewis navigates the social world of playdates 27 recipes – time for fiesta Mimi Jardim’s new recipe book, My Portuguese Feast is bursting with traditional, easy-to-make recipes

classified ads 26 let’s party 26 family marketplace

this month’s cover images are supplied by: Cape Town

Durban

Pretoria

Joburg

Cape Town, Joburg, Pretoria: D&A Model Management damodels.co.za Photographer: Julia Janse Van Vuuren julia-jansevanvuuren.co.za Durban: Cherish by Carita Adams cherishbycarita.com | Shoes: shooshoos.com Photographer: Sam Swiatek samswiatek.co.za

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letters

over to you

thank you child magazine Thank you very much for the magazine that we always look forward to receiving.

It is so informative and always offers great advice – being a parent is not an easy task! Keep up the good work.

Christina Just a quick note to say how lovely it was to receive the magazine after the “dry spell” that was the school holidays. As always you’ve managed to include the perfect articles. I am looking forward to another year of great reads.

Yashmitha

embracing difference I read your article “embracing difference” in the February issue regarding supporting children with special needs to reach their full potential. My child was diagnosed with spina bifida at birth and as hard as it was, we have now adjusted and are learning every day about this condition, which gets little attention. Our children all deserve love and to feel like they belong somewhere. Let’s educate people, and protect and love these souls.

Anonymous

dear principals and staff As I sat watching the Awards Ceremony last night, I kept a few rounds of applause in my pocket for all those Little Grey People in the school. My daughter is one of them.

She is neither sporty nor strongly academic. She has never been in detention or sent to the office. She is never late or dressed incorrectly. She is a hard worker and never gives up. We as a family celebrate every percentage her marks increase by because we know the hours she puts in. For two awards ceremonies now she has sat alone while her Grade went up to collect awards. It is so sad for us

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Let us know what’s on your mind. Send your letters or comments to editor@childmag.co.za or PO Box 12002, Mill Street, 8010. to hear her acknowledge that she will never walk on that stage, or wear one of those shiny badges, or hold one of those certificates that can change a child’s confidence. Perhaps a new season can begin at schools where the Grey Awards are given out to those who will treasure that feeling.

Anonymous

support human rights From the moment they are born, babies are granted universal human rights. With Human Rights Day having recently been celebrated on 21 March, we should recognise that when our society forces mothers to breastfeed in public toilets it is not just unkind and unhealthy, it is a violation of their basic human rights.

Anonymous

subscribe to our newsletter and win Our wins have moved online. Please subscribe to our newsletter and enter our weekly competitions. To subscribe, visit childmag.co.za

We reserve the right to edit and shorten submitted letters. The opinions reflected here are those of our readers and are not necessarily held by Hunter House Publishing.

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pregnancy news

testing the tests Cell-free DNA or Non-invasive Prenatal Testing (NIPT) What is it? A maternal blood test that can detect fragments of the foetus’ DNA floating in the mother’s bloodstream just a few weeks into pregnancy. Scientists then look for abnormalities in the foetus’ chromosomes. Bhorat says that this is a relatively new test that has revolutionised the screening and testing procedures.

When is it done? The test can be done as early as 10 weeks and results are generally available between 7 and 14 days, depending on which test is used.

How safe is it? 100% How accurate is it? The NIPT is an excellent test for detecting Down’s syndrome with an accuracy of 99 percent and false positive rate of 0.1 percent, but it may not detect other genetic or chromosomal anomalies. Bhorat cautions, though, that it is regarded as a screening test and does not replace existing screening procedures, but rather adds to accuracy and predictions. A positive predictive value will need to be confirmed either with CVS or an amniocentesis.

Alpha-fetoprotein (AFP) screening or triple blood screening

Make informed decisions regarding tests during your pregnancy, advises GLYNIS HORNING.

PHOTOGRAPH: ISTOCKPHOTO.com

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hatever your fitness level, family history and age, the excitement of pregnancy can come tinged with a quiet concern – will my baby be healthy?

“All prospective parents need to know what tests they are going for in pregnancy, be counselled before doing them and consider what they will do in the event of a positive screen,” says Durban-based foetal specialist Dr Ismail Bhorat. He advocates that two main risk assessments be routinely performed in pregnancy, both non-invasive.

First is an 11- to 14-week screen using a combination of nuchal translucency scan and nasal bone determination (both Down’s syndrome markers) with a first trimester maternal blood test for Beta Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (BHCG) and papp-a (placental hormones), indicators for Down’s, Edward’s and Patau syndromes. “This will give you an accuracy of 90 percent for a five percent false positive rate – an exceptionally high accuracy rate for a non-invasive test,” says Bhorat. Benoni-based gynaecologist Dr Mogi Lingham adds that as well as checking for chromosome abnormalities, the 11- to 14-week screen “also provides the most pertinent maternal and foetal risk assessment” and allows for the identification of pregnant women at high medical risk. “It provides the possibility to detect adverse pregnancy outcomes, including intrauterine growth retardation, pre-eclampsia, stillbirth and pre-term delivery.” Bhorat adds that in terms of screening for Down’s syndrome, the best test is the 11- to 14-week risk assessment, performed in an accredited centre.

The second main assessment is an 18- to 20-week congenital anomaly screen, a physical screen of various organ systems combined with a genetic sonogram, which is a soft marker screen for chromosomal anomalies. The scan and the first trimester screen can be combined for a Down’s syndrome detection rate of around 95 percent, says Bhorat.

If a patient misses the 11- to 14-week screen, the next best screening option is combining the 16- to 19-week triple test (biochemical test for Down’s syndrome), which itself has an accuracy of 60 percent for a five percent false positive rate, with a 20- to 21-week anomaly scan with a genetic sonogram (soft marker screen) achieving an accuracy of 85 percent for a five percent false positive rate at a risk cut-off of 1:300.

Only if results indicate a high risk of abnormality (greater than one in 300), are invasive procedures recommended – Chorionic Villus Sampling (CVS) or amniocentesis. According to Bhorat, recent studies have shown that the complication rate of these tests is lower than originally thought, generally quoted between 1:300-1:500. Some foetal units also offer a non-invasive option. A genetic sonogram can be performed at 18 to 20 weeks looking for markers for Down’s syndrome, says Bhorat. The main ones are nuchal fold, nasal bone, echogenic intracardiac focus (a bright spot seen in the baby’s heart indicating greater density), dilated kidneys, hyperechogenic bowel (a bright spot seen in the bowel), and short humerus and short femur (upper arm and leg bones). magazine durban

What is it? A sample of your blood is taken to test for levels of AFP, a protein produced and excreted by the foetus. A baby with an open spine (spina bifida) will excrete more, while one with Down’s syndrome will excrete less. The triple screen tests for AFP plus two hormones, unconjugated estriol (uE3) and BHCG, which are also markers for abnormalities.

When is it done? 16 to 19 weeks How safe is it? 100% How accurate is it? Sixty percent for a five percent false positive rate, if the high-risk cut-off is set at one in 300, says Bhorat. “That is, if our patient population is 100 000 and the incidence of Down’s syndrome across the board is one in 1 000 (actually the incidence in the general population is one in 800), then this test will pick up 60 babies with Down’s syndrome while some 5 000 women will test falsely positive – meaning healthy babies will be falsely determined to have an abnormality. The false positive readings can result from miscalculated birth dates, carrying multiple foetuses and other benign factors.”

Chorionic Villus Sampling (CVS) What is it? A needle is inserted through the wall of your uterus or through your vagina and cervix, and a tissue sample is taken from the placenta to test for Down’s syndrome and other disorders (though not spina bifida).

When is it done? 11 to 14 weeks (first trimester) How safe is it? There’s a less than two percent risk of miscarriage. Limb reduction defects have been reported, says Bhorat, but only if the test is done before 11 weeks. He puts risk of complications at under one percent if done in an experienced unit.

How accurate is it? 99.9%

Amniocentesis What is it? An ultrasound scan that shows how your baby lies. A needle is inserted through your abdominal wall to draw fluid from the amniotic sac. It tests for Down’s syndrome, spina bifida and other foetal problems such as cystic fibrosis and muscular dystrophy. It can establish the sex of your baby; important if you carry a sex-linked genetic disorder.

When is it done? 15 to 20 weeks; results can take two to four weeks by which time you may be mid-pregnancy.

How safe is it? A recent study gives risk of miscarriage at less than two percent. Bhorat puts risk of complications at 0.5 percent if performed in an experienced unit.

How accurate is it? 99.9%

Cordocentesis What is it? Foetal blood is taken by inserting a needle through your abdominal wall into the umbilical vein – a highly specialised procedure. It can detect Down’s syndrome, infection with diseases such as rubella and toxoplasmosis, and anaemia.

When is it done? After 18 weeks (second trimester) How safe is it? Risk of miscarriage is less than two percent.

How accurate is it? 99.9% April/May 2017

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dealing with difference

overcoming the challenges of bedwetting SASHA CUFF looks at the causes of this very common phenomenon and what parents can do to help their children tackle this often embarrassing and traumatic issue.

edwetting is a form of enuresis, or loss of bladder control.

According to Dr Margaret Fockema, president of CASA, (Continence Association of South Africa) and vice chairman of the Enuresis Academy of South Africa (EASA), the full medical definition of enuresis is “an involuntary voiding of urine during sleep, with a severity of at least three times a week in children over the age of five, in the absence of congenital or acquired defects of the central nervous system”.

Trish Holgate, a social worker who specialises in counselling children, says “a child under the age of about four years who is wetting their bed should really not be considered enuretic. While the parent may long for dry sheets, the child may still not have the required bladder control. Even once dryness has been achieved, the odd wet bed can be expected. It should resolve itself by about the age of seven. Achievement of night-time dryness varies enormously, so comparisons should be avoided.”

primary and secondary enuresis There are two types of enuresis. Primary enuresis refers to when a child has never managed to achieve dryness at night.

Dr Jacobus van Dyk, a paediatric endocrinologist explains: “We know that there are three contributing factors, namely going into a very deep sleep and not waking up from the sensation of a full bladder, having a small functional bladder capacity and, thirdly, the over-production of urine while sleeping, known as polyuria, which is caused by a lack of an antidiuretic hormone and affects 60 percent of sufferers.”

Secondary enuresis refers to children who have achieved dryness at night but then begin wetting their beds again. According to Dr Fockema, causes can be constipation, urinary tract infections and congenital defects.

“The child needs to be evaluated and secondary causes need to be ruled out. Once these have been eliminated as possible causes, a diagnosis of primary enuresis can be made,” she explains. Interestingly, enuresis is three times more likely to occur in boys and a child is 70 percent more likely to develop this condition if both parents were enuretic themselves, suggesting a strong hereditary link. Some also hold the view that there is an emotional cause for secondary enuresis, says Holgate. “In my experience, the most common cause for secondary enuresis is an emotional crisis that causes anxiety. This crisis can be brought on by any big change such as starting school, moving home, illness, divorce or the birth of a new sibling. Even events that you may consider insignificant may cause a child anxiety. A child who is not able to express anxiety appropriately may well begin bedwetting.”

But Fockema disagrees. “Nocturnal enuresis was once thought to be a psychological condition but studies now indicate that the enuresis itself is likely to be the cause of the emotional problems.” In a recent survey in Denmark children were asked what would

be most traumatic for them. They perceived the worst thing that could happen to be losing a parent, but this was followed closely by wetting their beds. Contrary to how it may sometimes seem, a child who wets their bed is not being stubborn, manipulative or “naughty”. “It is not their intention to keep you, the parent, slaving over the washing. If you and your child are battling with this problem, you need to consider possible underlying causes so that they can be addressed. Armed with some understanding, you will feel like you have more of a plan and be able to respond appropriately,” says Holgate.

bedwetting solutions Solutions vary, depending on the cause and the nature of the enuresis. Firstly, the attitude of the parent plays a vital role in addressing this problem. “Attacking, shaming or punishing the child will only increase anxiety levels and exacerbate the problem. This then leads to a vicious cycle with both the parent and the child ending up very unhappy and frustrated,” explains Holgate. “Rather, remain emotionally contained and show confidence in the child’s ability to eventually control his bladder function.” Dr Fockema adds: “Often letting your child know that you also suffered from this when you were a child provides comfort and reassurance”.

If you are concerned, let your GP examine your child and advise you of the appropriate steps to take. According to Dr van Dyk, “If the problem is an over-production of urine, medication such as an antidiuretic hormone can be given to slow down urine production at night”. It has an almost immediate effect of reducing urine output and therefore reduces bedwetting. The success rate is as high as 70 percent and it is very effective for special occasions such as sleepovers, when going through the night without wetting the bed is extremely important to the child. However, it has been found that once medication is discontinued, bedwetting usually reoccurs.

Changes in diet can also help. Certain foods such as dairy products, caffeine, carbonated drinks and acidic foods irritate the bladder. Reducing or eliminating these from your child’s diet can be effective. Consider also that a child’s bladder capacity increases by a mere 30ml per year during the first eight years of their life. The actual capacity can be measured by multiplying the child’s age by 30 and then adding 30, to get a volume in millilitres. Try limit fluid intake towards bedtime, but don’t be tempted to cut back during the day as this can lead to dehydration.

A method that is quite successful in stopping bedwetting is the use of a bed alarm.

“A bed alarm has excellent results,” explains Dr Fockema. “It consists of a sensor that is placed inside the child’s underclothes and is connected to an alarm that goes off if the child starts to urinate. Many consider this to be the method of choice when treating bedwetting, especially in Europe.”

What we as parents need to keep foremost in our minds is that bedwetting is not bad behaviour that needs to be punished. Each child is different and each will eventually gain total bladder control. With our support and encouragement we can help to make this a smoother, easier process for our children.

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PHOTOGRAPH: ISTOCKPHOTO.com

Attacking, shaming or punishing the child will only increase anxiety levels and exacerbate the problem

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best for baby

stopping the

Prevent eczema flare-ups before they become

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a problem. By Tamlyn Vincent

henever my son was teething he would drool excessively, which would result in the inevitable break out of eczema. I’d treat each flare-up with a prescribed cream that cost a small fortune, but it did make me question what alternative treatments exist and if one can avoid eczema altogether.

Eczema causes inflammation of the skin, leaving it dry, swollen and itchy. A red, bumpy rash, or clear oozing bumps may also appear. Eczema is most commonly found on the face, neck, and behind the knees or elbows. Dr Adrian Morris from The Allergy Clinic in Cape Town says more than half of children with eczema will outgrow it, but it can flare up or persist into adulthood. Morris adds that children often develop eczema if their parents have a predisposition to or suffer from allergies themselves.

Eczema presents when the skin barrier is damaged or impaired and can’t retain sufficient moisture. This can be aggravated by a number of things: ✻✻ Contact with allergens. Food allergies in particular can trigger eczema in infants and younger children, says Morris. These aren’t the cause of the eczema, but often aggravate it, as the skin barrier is weakened. Children with eczema are also prone to developing allergies and may have a sensitivity to chemicals in soaps or detergents. ✻✻ Environmental factors, such as dry weather, extreme cold or heat. ✻✻ Stress. This is often what triggers eczema in adults, says Morris.

ILLUSTRATIONS: ISTOCKPHOTO.com

Prevention is better than cure so, if possible, figure out what the aggravating factors are and try to avoid them. Here are some additional ways to prevent or remedy an inflammation: ✻✻ Moisturise with an emollient. This should be applied frequently, even if there aren’t any symptoms, and especially after bathing, showering or swimming. ✻✻ Replace perfumed soaps and lotions with mild or hypoallergenic ones instead.

“Fragrances, parabens and preservatives such as methylisothiazolinone irritate the skin. Ointments contain less added preservatives than creams, so are best to use as day-to-day emollients,” says Morris. Morris also cautions against using soaps with sodium lauryl sulphate as this removes the natural protective oils from the skin. ✻✻ Avoid acidic foods that may trigger a reaction, such as tomatoes or pineapples. ✻✻ Babies, pregnant women from their second trimester and breastfeeding moms can take probiotics daily. Bifidobacteria or Acidophilus-based probiotics seem to stimulate gut immunity and reduce eczema. ✻✻ A Vitamin D deficiency makes children susceptible to allergies. Morris suggests spending time outdoors in the sunshine – but remember to apply sunscreen. ✻✻ Use an enzyme-free, or non-biological laundry detergent. Double rinse washing and wash new clothes or linen to get rid of any chemicals that may be lurking. ✻✻ Break the itch-scratch cycle by cutting fingernails short or use cotton gloves on babies to prevent them scratching themselves. Scratching can lead to infections, making skin more prone to flare-ups, says Morris.

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Ointments contain less added preservatives than creams, so are best to use as day-to-day emollients

✻✻ Avoid tight or rough textures, such as wool. Cotton and linen clothing is preferable. ✻✻ Dust mites may trigger a reaction. Try to get rid of them by washing linen frequently at high temperatures, vacuuming the mattress, using a dust-tight mattress cover and airing out the room regularly. ✻✻ Treat acute flare-ups with steroid cream to get the eczema under control early on.

Morris adds that the newer steroid creams with molecules such as mometasone and fluticasone, are more effective and cause less skin thinning and pigmentation. Use them sparingly and episodically to control eczema (such as over weekends) even in young children. It is advisable to speak to a doctor or dermatologist before using this or other medicines.

Some experts believe it helps to breastfeed your baby for at least the first six months and delay the introduction of solids as a means of avoiding allergies. If you are breastfeeding, food allergies may be responsible for your child’s flare-ups so try cut out cow’s milk, peanuts, eggs, soy, wheat and citrus fruits from your diet and assess whether the eczema improves. If you aren’t breastfeeding and your child doesn’t have an allergy to cow’s milk, you could use a hypoallergenic, partially hydrolysed formula.

Sensitive skin issues

Eczema is not the only skin condition that affects children. Here are a few others to look out for: ✻✻ Baby acne presents as small red bumps or pimples. It should clear within a few days or weeks without treatment, but if it persists, speak to your paediatrician. ✻✻ Heat rash is caused by exposure to extreme heat and often manifests as small red or pink pimples on the head, neck and shoulders. ✻✻ Hives (or welts) usually appear as a result of allergies. A breakout of hives will lead to itching and burning. This can often be treated with an antihistamine. ✻✻ Impetigo presents as pus-filled round lesions on the face and body. If you suspect your baby has impetigo, see your doctor as a course of antibiotics will be needed to treat it. ✻✻ Nappy rash is common and happens if a baby’s wet or soiled nappy has not been changed for a long time. To treat nappy rash, try leave a nappy off for a while to air the affected area and apply generous amounts of barrier cream.

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education

finding the

right school There are many factors to consider when choosing a school. Whether it’s preschool, primary school or high school, here’s what you need to ask to help you make the right decision for your child.

Get your child’s academic career off to a good start by establishing a strong foundation, beginning with preschool. staff Take into account the qualifications of the principal, teachers and any other staff, as well as their experience and training.

For preschool, this should include some form of first-aid training. Equally important is how the staff interacts with the children one-on-one and in groups. facilities Preschool should provide lots of varied opportunities for play, learning and development. Look for (safe) play equipment that will help improve gross motor skills, ask about how academic skills such as prewriting and fine motor skills are developed, and look at how children are encouraged to be creative. times You’ll want to find out about closing and opening times to ensure that these fit in with your schedule. Also check the school’s calendar so you know when school holidays are – if you have older children, juggling different holiday schedules could be challenging.

If necessary, find out if the school offers aftercare and holiday care. routine Ask about nap time, meal times (and whether meals are provided) and the schedule the school keeps. If your child still needs to be potty trained, or is in training, ask how the school accommodates this.

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numbers Find out how many children are in a class and the number of teachers and assistants in charge of each. Some children will excel in a smaller setup while others will thrive in bigger schools. location Where the school is situated will play a big part in your decision. You may want it to be close to home, work, or nearby to your other children’s school. type of school Keep in mind your child’s personality and interests when deciding on their school. If you don’t want to go the traditional route, look into a Montessori or Waldorf setup. But always ensure the school’s values, work ethic and views are in line with your own. If you have your heart set on a particular primary school, you may want to investigate good feeder schools to boost your chances of acceptance. communication Consider how the school keeps the lines of communication open.

There may be days where you don’t have time to talk to the teacher; how will you hear about your child’s day or find out about extra mural activities and events? discipline Find out how the preschool disciplines children and make sure you’re comfortable with their policy. reputation Trust word of mouth. Ask other parents about their experience with the school and if their children enjoyed it. magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPHS: ISTOCKPHOTO.com

preschools

If your child has a talent for dancing, ic, drama or mus a performing ol arts high scho should be on your radar.

primary school As your child enters the next phase of their schooling, your expectations (and their needs) may change. private or public Decide what kind of education and attention your child needs and what you can afford. A private school will cost more, but may offer smaller classes and provide access to better resources, whereas the standards of public schools vary widely. Some are among the top performing schools in the country and offer great facilities, while others are overcrowded and lacking in resources. proximity Government schools operate on a zoning system and preference is given to those living in the feeder zone, followed by those working in the feeder zone, and after that admission is on a first-come, first-served basis. Private schools do not use the same zoning system but have their own admission requirements. Choosing a local primary school will mean that your child might already know a few of the children from preschool. It will also mean that when you need to cart your child back and forth to playdates, they will be in your neighbourhood. Alternatively, enrol in a primary school that is a feeder school for your preferred high school. sports, arts and cultural offerings If your child has an interest in sports, languages or the arts, you might want to choose a primary school that has the facilities and extramural or specialist programmes to develop their skills. school’s ethos and values What is the culture of the school and does it provide a stimulating environment for your child?

Would you prefer to send your child to a school that is secular, non-denominational or aligned with a particular faith and offering some degree of religious education? It is important to note that a school with a religious affiliation will still welcome other religions. Additionally, look at the traditions and values that the school upholds and ask if they are aligned with your own.

Also consider the relationships between the teachers and learners and how they treat each other. magazine durban

changing schools Should your child remain in the same school for the duration of their education (preschool through to matric) or change for each phase? There are pros and cons for both. In changing schools your child may learn to better accept and adapt to change, while staying with the same school may give them a stronger sense of stability. special needs Depending on your child’s needs you must decide if they should attend a mainstream or special needs school. There are mainstream schools that offer inclusive education where remedial or bridging classes are offered in addition to mainstream classes. Consult with an expert to determine what the best fit will be for your child.

high school By the time your child reaches high school you should have a better idea of what type of environment will suit them best. Don’t be afraid to reconsider your criteria. private vs government high school There is a perception that private schools are better than public schools, because paying more money (fees for private schools can be up to 10 times higher than public schools) means more resources, which leads to better results. But there are many public schools producing excellent academic results and top performers in other fields. As with primary schools, government high schools are bound by feeder zones, while private schools can have admission requirements such as exams, but are not restricted by zones. co-ed vs single sex The choice of co-ed or single sex depends entirely on your child’s personality. Every child is unique and deserves an education that uses teaching approaches that meet their particular needs. It is believed, for example, that introverted children will do better in a single-sex environment.

The top matric achievers in the last few years also happen to be from single-sex schools. But not enough research has been done locally to prove one system superior to the other. If you’re unsure, consider the following: many students April/May 2017

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education

find it easier to focus on schoolwork when not distracted by the opposite sex. Co-ed schools, however, do offer more diversity, but students who are easily intimidated by the opposite sex may struggle.

estate living A new trend on the rise is the partnerships between private education institutes and estate developers. Many families opt for secure, family-orientated estate living, with the added bonus of their children attending a private school on the grounds. Most estates put value on safety and security, community living and wide open spaces. This mostly means children can walk or cycle to and from school. Some estate schools also accept outside children, and have bus services for pickups and dropoffs.

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to board or not Being a boarder is one of the best ways to encourage independence.

Children are also in a learning environment 24/7, even outside the classroom. Plus, they have the opportunity to take part in extramurals in one inclusive environment and be part of an almost “built-in” social life. If you cannot stand being apart from your child during term time, consider weekly boarding, which some schools offer. Just be sure you’re sending your child for the right reasons – don’t ship them off to boarding school because you have fond memories of your own time spent there. special talents If your child has a talent for dancing, drama or music, a performing arts high school should be on your radar. For athletically gifted children, a high school with excellent sports facilities, coaches and opportunities is a good option. Schools such as these can be great for boosting

children’s self-esteem as they can focus on an area in which they excel, while still getting a traditional education. These schools may be more expensive, but often they offer scholarships or bursaries, which is worth investigating. beyond matric Tertiary education in South Africa has never been more volatile than it is currently, so you might consider sending your child to a university abroad in which case it may be worth enroling them in an international school. Not only will your child be exposed to cultural diversity, but they’ll also get an internationally recognised and accepted education and qualification. International schools are, however, generally quite expensive and keep in mind they’ll follow the traditional August to June school year of the country their curriculum is designed for (except for British international schools). That said, these schools are well known for their academic excellence, which puts any other possible obstacles on the back burner. Many international universities also accept learners with an Independent Examinations Board (IEB) assessment, as is offered by most private schools.

magazine durban

finance

inside the single-income home In a country where the cost of living can be high, families that are resolute in choosing to have only one parent earning, are thriving. LUCILLE KEMP takes a closer look.

t

here are parents whose priorities are not making money. Take the parent who wants to homeschool their children, the parent who needs to leave work in order to take care of their health, the parent who wants to end an unhappy marriage and is prepared to go it alone. For these reasons and more, families are prepared to cut their household income. And they’re making it work.

Ava’s* is one such home. She and her husband decided, before they had children, that she would be a stay-at-home mother. “We wanted to homeschool our children, which would be difficult if I was working,” she says.

The decision was made easier when they looked at the cost of sending children to school and having both parents working. “Two cars would mean double the petrol costs, plus school fees and clothing as well as all the extras that the children would need. When we weighed that against having one parent at home, it just didn’t make sense, financially or otherwise.”

the transition Once Ava and her husband had decided their path, they became a lot more aware of their spending habits and bought only the necessities. They also made sure they weren’t paying off too many big expenses at once.

When Beth* realised her 12-year marriage was coming to an end, two years before the actual split, she set up her own bank account and bought a car. Amidst all the emotional upheaval, she knew she had to get pragmatic, so splitting the finances was the first step to steadily standing on her own two feet and establishing a reasonable amount of security for her children in the process.

In preparation for becoming a single-income home, Ava advises couples start by drawing up a list of their current expenses – think childcare, transport costs, food and clothing. When you see how much you’re actually spending as a dual-income home, you may be ready to make the change to a single-income home. But before you do, Ava suggests a trial run. “Put one salary into savings each month and live off the other. There will be some things you will have to go without, but in a short space of time these things will become irrelevant.”

PHOTOGRAPH: ISTOCKPHOTO.com

step by step Budget Boitumelo Mothoagae, financial adviser at Liberty, recommends making a list of all your sources of income and all your expenses including those of the non-working spouse. “Ensure that the expenses together do not exceed 50 percent of your income. These expenses should include short- and long-term insurances,” she says.

“I came out of my marriage with a Telkom account that hadn’t been paid for ages, credit card debt and a store account,” says Beth. So, the space she lived in for two years was one with zero “fat”. Once she got a full-time job, Beth made sure that they lived well below her salary plus magazine durban

the maintenance she was getting, so she could pay off her debt every month. “As soon as you pay off one debt, you free up more money to tackle the next one.”

be the sage among single parents

Investments and retirement planning These should account for 15 to 30 percent of your income, says Mothoagae. Having paid off her debt, Beth was able to invest in provident funds, medical aids and life-insurance policies. “I told the financial adviser, ‘I know when you do an analysis on my life you’ll tell me that what I should be saving, based on my age and number of working years left, will be an amount I can’t afford right now. I don’t care.

I can give you R100 a month. Give me the best bang for my buck and in February when I get my increase we can up it to R150’.”

Resource yourself smartly “I knew it would be

Cap yourselves “Set a limit on what each of you can spend without the other’s permission while cutting down on costs that will ease the financial burden, for instance changing to a solar geyser,” says Mothoagae. Beth decided not to upgrade her cellphone contract to avoid added expenses. “It’s just too easy to get the latest phone and be locked into an expense spanning 24 months, when actually my current phone functions perfectly and I will save heaps by going ‘pay-as-you-go’.”

Downgrade if you need to Relook the car you are driving or the area you live in. With three to four months to plan, Beth’s family went from a big, three-bedroom house to a smaller two-bedroom unit in a complex. Downscaling meant she had to get rid of things she no longer had space for. She sold everything from the biggest appliances to the littlest screwdriver and used that money to buy furniture that suited her new living space. The money that she had leftover was put towards her rental deposit and all of her moving costs.

Live within your means Avoid taking on bad debt to finance your lifestyle – this includes personal loans and retail accounts, warns Mothoagae. Ava’s family’s spending is far less frivolous since they became a single-income home. “I don’t colour my hair often. There is no more eating out. No coffee dates. And my husband does a lot more commuting by bicycle.” Each family’s adjustments will vary, but the point is, as Ava puts it, you need much less than you think you do.

Don’t detach yourself from your finances Some things are luxuries while others simply amount to giving your children a happy childhood. If you know your bottom line and you have a strategy geared towards that, you will find that you are able to take your children on holiday, send them to a good school and afford a beautiful family home. *Names have been changed

Divorced mom Beth has found that you can single-handedly

go

beyond

survival

mode.

expensive to employ a full-time domestic worker, but I also knew that hiring someone would free me up to take on a more demanding job, which would boost my earning potential. It’s worth thinking about how things trade each other off.”

There’s nothing you can’t recover from “In five years you can work yourself out of a bad financial position and into a strong one – you just need to have a plan. Start with making sure your expenses are less than your income.”

Don’t give your children things you can’t afford out of guilt “If ever my children give me attitude about my saying no to something, I make them tell me all the things that they are grateful for.”

savvy saving Retirement annuities RAs are tax-efficient vehicles for retirement savings as contributions may be tax deductible. You don’t have to pay capital gains tax, income tax or dividend withholding tax, and a stated portion may be tax free.

Unit trusts A unit trust is a collective investment that allows you to invest directly into equity or share-based investments without exposure to their volatility. You can invest as little as R100 per month and if you run into any financial trouble, you can opt out with no penalties.

Endowments These allow you to make regular or once-off contributions over a set period of time and you are unable to access your money before the maturity date.

Life, disability and dread disease cover Your ability to earn an income is your greatest asset and if disaster strikes and this ability is diminished, this will be your backstop.

Information courtesy of Boitumelo Mothoagae from Liberty

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entertainment

a

lthough most of us are used to observing the world on TV, the intimate joys of experiencing entertainment outside the box can be a real treat. But the benefits of getting involved with the performing arts from a young age extend beyond entertainment.

Growing up has its challenges and a love of the arts (in any of its forms) can be a comforting release and offer a momentary escape from reality. The performing arts allows for healthy self-expression and helps children to understand underdeveloped parts of themselves, while also assisting them in putting things into perspective – all of which helps to empower them.

“Children tend to instinctively use drama auto-therapeutically, with no outside direction or superimposed structure. Dramatic play is a child’s way of symbolically expressing themselves and resolving internal conflict, releasing pent-up feelings, exploring hopes, fears and wishes, and discovering new life roles and stances, which is central to their development,” says Heather Schiff, clinical psychologist, drama therapist and director of the Bonfire Theatre Company.

others’ feelings,” she says. “While watching theatre, we can be transported into the hearts, minds, bodies and stories of others in a way that can transcend race, class, gender and age. In this way, deeper levels of communication and understanding can be reached.”

In addition, through the development of the imagination, the performing arts promotes creative thinking, a skill that is beneficial in all spheres of our lives. Children who are able to think creatively often go on to become entrepreneurs and industry leaders as they have the ability to invent solutions and create something where there was nothing.

Neuroscientists have established that both hemispheres of the brain must be activated for it to work efficiently. Therefore, it is important to stimulate, develop and exercise the right brain (the creative and visual centre) as well as the left brain (where verbal, analytical and logical functions are located) in all children whether any creative aptitude is shown or not. By ensuring we provide a comprehensive education that includes the development of creativity, we are in fact working more effectively to achieve optimum performance of the brain. And what an excellent way to increase vocabulary, improve communication and listening skills, boost memory, encourage self-discipline and concentration, and develop interpretation skills. One of the best things is that with live performance these educational benefits are all developed in an interesting, entertaining and fun environment, which doesn’t seem like learning at all.

show time!

The performing arts is about more than just

entertainment and can teach your children

the transcendence of theatre Perhaps, though, it is the stretching of comfort zones that reveals the most obvious benefits of theatre. Through puppetry, acting or physical theatre we can expose children to tales of other cultures, historical events and traditions. We can teach them to appreciate and respect another’s personality, experiences and talents, and create spaces for community dialogue to encourage different points of view.

Schiff believes this is particularly relevant in South Africa. “In the South African context with our need to foster connections between people, watching theatre or participating in drama is an excellent means of creating empathy and facilitating an understanding of

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taking to the stage Once an interest in theatre is established, drama classes might very well be the next step for your little ones and it’s definitely worth encouraging. “Drama classes are a fantastic means of developing confidence, self-esteem and essential communication skills,” says Duncan Rice of The Helen O’Grady Drama Academy, which has centres in all the major cities

magazine durban

ILLUSTRATION: ISTOCKPHOTO.com

valuable life lessons, says SIMONE GRAY.

around the country. “Releasing a child’s creative and expressive potential through drama is one of the keys to healthy educational development.”

“Drama is a fabulous tool to inspire creativity, teach empathy, develop two-way communication, understand consequences and work towards achieving life-changing, memory-making moments,” adds Gill Brunings, director of Durban Actors Studio.

“Students are taught how to become another character, to try out different choices to those they would normally make and to explore repercussions. Drama is a safe environment where everything you do is talked through in a caring and sharing environment, avoiding the dangers that such life experimentation would lead to in the ‘real’ world,” says Brunings. “Drama students are less likely to have difficulty speaking in public, will be more convincing in their written and oral communications, and will have a more positive selfimage. And finally, drama teaches a student that, when preparing for a performance, you have to work. This is a huge learning curve and one that has knock-on effects throughout a young performer’s academic career.”

So, while you may not want to encourage your children to emulate Hollywood’s many poor role models, taking part in a little dramatic expression might be just what they need to become more confident in themselves.

keep it real If the prospect of trying to get your children to abide by theatre etiquette is putting you off, here are some tips that might help to keep the drama on stage rather than in the audience. ✻✻ Choose the right show. The best place to start is by taking your child to an ageappropriate production. While your little ones will still need a certain amount of selfdiscipline in order to get through a show, the theatre environment will joyfully embrace the unrestrained reactions of children rather than frown upon them. You can be certain that child-friendly productions will have bright costumes and jolly jokes to engage and entertain young minds. You can “promote” young theatregoers as they grow and are able to appreciate and enjoy more challenging works. ✻✻ Do your homework. Prepare your child in the days leading up to the show. Introduce them to the story and the characters they will meet. If there is a book about the play, read it together. Part of what makes these outings so special is the excitement and build up – so, work it.

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✻✻ Be clear about expected behaviour. To encourage good behaviour, it might help to explain to your children that in order for the actors on stage to do their job, each audience member needs to remain still and quiet, and only join in when it is called for. ✻✻ Plan for a quick getaway. If this is your child’s first visit to the theatre, it might be a good idea to get an aisle seat so you can, if necessary, duck out without disrupting the audience or cast. ✻✻ Cover all bases. On the day, make sure your child is well rested. The tired “niggles” can be tough at any time, never mind in a theatre. Make sure your child has eaten before the show and if you need to bring a snack, ensure it is a quiet one such as a fruit roll, a biltong stick or home-made popcorn in a sandwich bag. ✻✻ Get your timing right. A long wait before curtain call can derail a smooth operation.

If unassigned seating means you need to arrive earlier to get a spot that suits your family, bring something along to keep your little ones amused. If this fails, get somebody nearby to keep your seats and wander around the theatre complex or garden to burn off a little energy. Theatres are fascinating places so, if you have extra time, explore the environment. Chat about the sets if possible. Point out the lighting grid. As your child gets older, it might just be these inner workings that hook their interest. ✻✻ Be prepared to leave. If something in the show – such as a monstrously mean witch or a particularly treacherous troll – upsets your child, take them out into the lobby to console them. Explain that the characters are only actors doing their jobs well. Don’t force them to return to the show. ✻✻ Start a conversation. Intermission is a perfect opportunity to share thoughts about the show and ensure your children are following. If they don’t like the show, ask them to discuss what it is they don’t like and to articulate why.

Note:

School holidays are a good time to find children’s theatre productions, with many theatres running special programmes. Turn to “What’s on” (p24) for great show ideas or go to childmag.co.za and click on “on stage and on screen”.

April/May 2017

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blog

i

disengaging

am a 38-and-a-half-year-old (as my children like to remind me) mother of three. My daughter M is nine (let’s not forget the half), Mx is seven and J is just 18 months. My husband, let’s call him George, purely because he would think it ludicrous, heads up the finance department of a big corporate. We live in the suburbs where my life revolves around watching countless episodes of Barney, chasing children around on their plastic push bikes and playing hide-and-seek with my toddler who thinks that covering his eyes makes him invisible. I also do the morning Moms and Tots thing and swimming lessons, of course. In the afternoons, I’m the local taxi driver, making sure each child gets to the right extramural at the right time on the right day – no easy feat. All this in between mediating sibling fights, taming tantrums, and cooking and cleaning. But come 7pm, the children disappear into their respective rooms and the house is quiet. I lay the dinner table for two, complete with candles, and George arrives home to fragrant aromas from the slow cooker – okay, not quite. But the house is quiet.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my children and being a mom, but sometimes my life feels like the luggage conveyer belt at Heathrow airport – monotonous and constantly on the move.

the mothership

paid for, with three giant plastic storage containers in tow (and my suitcase, of course). What better way to relax than by sorting through 12 years of photographs?

Feeling slightly embarrassed by these unsightly containers, I decided to assume the role of a paralegal working on a topsecret investigation for which I needed to review evidence. (Clearly, I read too much John Grisham.) But my cover was blown fairly quickly when I noticed saliva, snot and Bovril stains on my jacket sleeve – not quite fitting of a high-powered paralegal. I quietly took my room key from the receptionist and headed to my suite to begin my breakaway. Of course being a busy mom, I hadn’t been to a hotel in years and found myself struggling to work the key card, which operated the lift. Just as panic set in, the lift started moving and I found myself in the basement where another hotel guest, who had clearly frequented a hotel in the last decade and knew how to work a keycard, took me up to my floor.

Once in my room, which also required some negotiating with the key card, I was finally ready to kick off my shoes and unwind. But, despite the swanky accommodation and my plans to sleep in and order room service for three days, I found myself spending the first few hours organising my clothes, folding my pyjamas neatly under my pillow and arranging my toiletries on the bathroom shelf – old habits die hard. I was also awake at 5am every day. While I did manage to relax, and definitely appreciated the time off, I realised that you can never really disconnect from the Mothership – and maybe it took me going away for three days to realise that I don’t want to.

Leonora Found, a stay-at-home mom of three,

escapes suburbia for some much-needed me time, but struggles to switch into off-duty mode.

checking out After yet another Groundhog day, I collapsed into bed next to George, who had been camped out there for quite some time reading, and blurted out that

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April/May 2017

I needed to go on a conference. “Mmm,” he said. “l’d like to go on a conference,” I repeated a little louder, in an effort to get his attention. “Oh,” he said, “have you found something you want to attend?” Of course I hadn’t. I was just testing the waters.

Stumped, I sat quietly for a good 10 minutes thinking of what conference I could attend. Eventually it occurred to me that what I really needed was some space. And so, with my husband’s full support, I went about planning “Operation Escape”.

George took two days’ leave so I didn’t have to give up a weekend with the children, and I booked into a luxury five-star hotel near the sea. I secretly relished the idea of George spending a few days in my shoes. Of course I made sure to put together an hour-by-hour plan to ensure everyone survived in my absence and I prepared dinner for the two nights I was away so nobody went hungry.

ready, set, go Finally, the day arrived and “Operation Escape” was a go.

I pulled up to the five-star hotel my husband generously

magazine durban

to Mom… with love

resource

Last-minute gift ideas to show Mom just how special she is.

By Tamlyn Vincent

PHOTOGRAPH: ISTOCKPHOTO.com

m

oms do a lot behind the scenes for which they’re often never credited. From getting homework done and making appointments to carting children off to extramurals on time (with all the gear) and ensuring everyone remembers to eat (even if she doesn’t). Even though it comes around every year, Mother’s Day (much like Valentine’s) creeps up on us unexpectedly and we’re left scrambling for gifts, often fighting off other late shoppers for that last card on the shelf and that lonely bunch of roses. If you really want to show your mom you care, but forgot to diarise the day, here are some outthe-box suggestions for time-pressed gifters: Trawl online retail stores for the perfect present. You can find anything from wine, perfume and chocolates to homeware, jewellery and clothes. You may also find a few deals, sale items or other bargains. Just make sure you check the delivery time before checking out – you want your gift to arrive in time for this year’s celebration. It may be worth paying a little extra for a next-day delivery if you have the option. eBooks are a great gift for modern moms. Buy a novel (or two) by her favourite author and have it delivered directly to her. You can also buy eBook vouchers if you’re unsure. If your mom hasn’t yet moved from paperback to portable, consider buying her a kindle.

Vouchers may not be the most personal gift, but they are the most practical. Get creative with your choice – you don’t need to

magazine durban

limit yourself to retailers. Buy your mom movie vouchers, a spa day or even a meal at her favourite restaurant.

Flowers and gift baskets delivered to the door always make a mom feel special. There are a number of online stores such as Netflorist that offer a wide variety of gifting ideas. Just remember to check delivery times.

If all Mom really wants is photos of her loved ones, create a virtual photo album. This is an ideal way to share memories with moms (or grans) who are far away.

If she’s a charitable type, choose a cause close to her heart and donate to a relevant charity or institute on her behalf.

Subscribe her to a magazine. Think about your mom’s interests be it cooking, gardening, or celeb gossip – yes moms read tabloids too – and subscribe to one of the glossies. Since she’ll be receiving a copy monthly, it really is the gift that keeps on giving.

Give your mom the experience of a lifetime and book tickets to a show, concert or talk that’s been on her radar. If you’re feeling particularly generous, book her a stay in a lovely hotel or resort where she can enjoy some much-needed me time.

Don’t forget the card. Moms love to collect keepsakes from their children. If there is nothing good in store then make your own card or, for the creatively challenged, send her an eCard. There is such a big selection – you can even find ones that sing and dance, which is bound to brighten her day.

April/May 2017

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in the next issue june/july is our “bumper holiday” issue with a spotlight on “let’s party” “father’s day”

&

books

a good read If you’re looking for ways to get the whole family reading, we’ve found something for everyone.

language development

Linguistic milestones, typical development and what to do to help your children when they are struggling

family-friendly hotels

Our pick of hotels at home and abroad to help you plan your next family getaway

the importance of play in learning New educational trends that bring the fun back into the classroom

dads in the kitchen Put your culinary skills to the test with recipes from Reuben At Home

for toddlers What the Ladybird Heard Next

By Julia Donaldson and Lydia Monks (Pan Macmillan, R232) Those crafty robbers Hefty Hugh and Lanky Len are out of jail, and they’re heading back to the farm with another cunning plan to cause trouble. Fortunately the quiet, clever ladybird is on their trail and she and her farm animal friends have a plan of their own. Join the cow, the goose, the horse, the sheep, the cat, and everyone’s favourite ladybird in this fantastically funny farmyard caper – a much-anticipated sequel to the hugely popular What the Ladybird Heard.

let’s party

Your complete guide to parties in your city

for preschoolers The Most Wonderful Thing in the World

By Vivian French (Walker Books, R135) When a king and queen promise to marry their daughter to the man who can show them the most wonderful thing in the world, suitors descend on the palace bearing gifts. But nothing feels quite right.

As the last suitor leaves rejected, the king and queen are left despairing, but when a shy, young man steps forward, they finally understand what the most wonderful thing in the world really is. Vivian French’s masterful retelling of a forgotten story is both funny and heart-warming, and Angela Barrett’s breathtaking illustrations give life to the enchanting fairytale city.

sleep tight little one

Ways to encourage a good night’s sleep for baby

on street 25 May

To advertise call: (031) 209 2200 or email: dbnsales@childmag.co.za Booking deadline: 9 May Material deadline: 11 May 22

April/May 2017

for pre-teens and teens Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

By J.K. Rowling (Bloomsbury Publishing, R519) Prepare to be spellbound by the dazzling full-colour illustrations in this stunning new edition of J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. Breathtaking scenes, dark themes and unforgettable characters – including Dobby and Gilderoy Lockhart – await inside this illustrated edition. Using paint, pencil and pixels, award-winning illustrator Jim Kay creates the wizarding world as we have never seen it before. Harry and his friends, now in their second year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, seek out a legendary chamber and the secret that lies within. This inspired reimagining, filled with magic and humour, is bound to captivate loyal fans and new readers alike.

for us The Ice House

By John Connor (Orion Publishing Co, R202) Carl Bowman is an assassin for hire whose latest assignment is to take out a 10-year-old girl. But with the girl in his sights, Carl can’t bring himself to pull the trigger. Instead he goes on the run, taking her with him. Meanwhile, in a small village in southern Spain, Julia Martin’s carefully constructed life is falling apart.

Her husband and his mistress have been killed and her daughter, Rebecca, has disappeared. Julia has been fleeing the secrets of her past for over a decade and it seems they’ve finally caught up with her.

for early graders A Huddle of Hippos (and other cool collective nouns for animals)

By Julia Richman (Burnet Media, R140) This 32-page, full-colour picture book follows the character of Sam on his safari adventure and introduces young readers to all the animals he comes across, teaching them the collective noun for each new sighting, from a huddle of hippos to a float of crocodiles. The bright illustrations and funny, rhyming text help tell this adventurous tale. Suited to children between the ages of four and eight, this book makes learning grammar easy – and did we mention it comes with an activity page at the end?

parenting Boys Adrift: The Five Factors Driving the Growing Epidemic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men

By Leonard Sax (The Perseus Books Group, R225) From kindergarten to college, American boys are, on average, less resilient and ambitious than they were 20 years ago.

The gender gap in college attendance and graduation rates has widened dramatically, too. Drawing on more than 20 years of clinical experience, Dr Leonard Sax explains why boys and young men are failing in school and disengaged at home.

He shows how social, cultural and biological factors have created an environment that is toxic to boys, presenting readers with practical solutions, effective strategies tried and tested by educators, and handy tips.

magazine durban

magazine durban

April/May 2017

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1

calendar

what’s on in april

This unique Easter hunt is coming to Gateway Theatre of Shopping from 7-9 April. Children can explore the enchanting garden and fill their baskets with delicious treats. To be part of the experience, buy a 100g Lindt Gold Bunny from Woolworths or the Bunny Garden Kiosk and take the till slip to the Gold Bunny Garden.

Hunts take place twice per hour from 9am. You can also personalise your Lindt Gold Bunny at participating Pick n Pay stores from 6-15 April.

Visit Facebook.com/LindtChocolateSA.

15

Shongweni Farmers Market Easter Bonanza

One of the highlights of this two–day market bonanza is the Easter Bonnet competition for children 0–12 years old.

You don’t have to pay to enter and there are amazing prizes for first, second and third place. The market is open from 6:30am–1pm on 15 April and 9am–3pm on 16 April.

Visit shongwenimarket.co.za for details.

12

Reach For A Dream Slipper Day

Join in the fun and raise funds for children suffering from life-threatening illnesses. Buy your R10 funky wristband, designed by some of SA’s top celebrities, and wear your slippers to school, work or varsity in support of the Reach For A Dream Foundation. Get a free Wimpy coffee on 12 May when you wear your slippers and wristband to any Wimpy across SA. Wristbands are available at Reach For A Dream branches, Wimpy and Pick n Pay stores nationwide. Visit reachforadream.org.za for more.

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April/May 2017

A favourite with children and adults alike, this new animated instalment of Smurfs sees Smurfette and her best friends Brainy, Clumsy and Hefty embark on a thrilling race through the Forbidden Forest to find a lost village before the evil wizard Gargamel does, only to stumble on the biggest secret in Smurf history. This action-packed animation is currently on screens.

8 23

Nickelodeon SlimeFest

A spectacular celebration of music, stars and Nickelodeon TV characters with lots and lots of slime. Come see uShaka Marine World transform into a green-and-orange paradise for an unforgettable weekend of epic entertainment and slimy silliness. Open from 8am on 8-9 April. Tickets cost R250 at computicket.com.

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Dogs Unite

Dogs Unite is a 5km dog walk celebrating man’s best friend and all proceeds go to the South African Guide–Dogs Association for the Blind. The walk begins at 9am on Virginia Beach and will cost R90 per person and their dog, or R55 per person, R45 per dog and R20 for children. And make sure to bring an extra R50 for the dog cape. For details go to guidedog.org.za.

South Africa’s hottest musical acts, most extreme action sports’ stars and biking elite converge at the new South Coast Bike Fest. The four-day festival offers non-stop action at various venues. It happens from 27-30 April in Margate, KZN South Coast. Pre-booking is essential. Access to all the stages, with the exception of the Main Stage, is free. Access to the Main Stage where the artists will be performing costs R360 for a four-day VIP pass, R130 for a day pass, or R200 for a VIP day pass. Go to quicket.co.za to book and visit southcoastbikefest.co.za for details.

what’s on in may 19

Mamba Republic

Ben Voss and John van der Ruit put on a hilarious performance at this fundraising event for the Robin Hood Foundation. Doors open at 6:45pm at the Elizabeth Sneddon Theatre and tickets cost R250. For details, email robinhoodfund@telkomsa.net.

2017 South Coast Bike Fest

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Tekkie Tax

This is your excuse to wear your “tekkies” to work – just make sure you’re sporting the official funky shoelaces and sticker, which you can buy at Clicks, ToysRUs and BabiesRUs stores. Laces with beads (includes a sticker) are R35 and stickers cost R10 each. Visit tekkietax.co.za for details. magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPHS AND ILLUSTRATIONS: ISTOCKPHOTO.com | rollin dirty

7

Lindt Gold Bunny Gardens

Smurfs: The Lost Village

holiday clubs

Let’s Eat Cooking Classes Encourage your children’s interest in the culinary world with these cooking classes suited to grade 6 students and up. Classes cost R250 and run from 3-7 April and 10-13 April at 9am–11am or 1pm–3pm. Call 084 821 6668 or email eleanors@servatech.co.za.

The Fine Young Cooks Holiday Club Children 3-12 years old can learn to cook healthy, delicious meals all by themselves. Included in the cost are all ingredients and recipes. Contact Lewaine on 082 378 1912 or email lewaine@fineyoungcooks.co.za for dates, times and prices.

Junior Ranger Holiday Camp Children 8-13 years old can learn what it means to be a game ranger at this two-night, three-day camp at Gwahumbe, Mid-Illovo. The cost of the camp is R1 500 and it runs from 5-7 April. Call 082 347 6536 for more details.

Studiblox Holiday Course This three-day study methods course is designed for Grade 4-7 learners. Studiblox includes the MUD model (Memory, Understanding and Doing), plus writing summaries, answering exam papers, essay writing, speed reading techniques and more. Running from 3-5 April, 8am–1pm at Delcairn Centre, Kloof, the course costs R745, which includes the manual.

Call 084 799 5807 or email marj@edublox.com for details.

Theatre Holiday Club This innovative and exciting holiday club allows children, tweens and teens to have some fun whilst developing their creativity, sparking their inspiration and honing their talents. Running from 3-5 April at the Durban Actors Studio.

Children 5-9 years old attend from 9-11:30am and pay R450.

Children 10-16 years old pay R550 and attend from 1-4pm.

Call 031 332 0173 or email info@durbanactorsstudio.co.za for details. magazine durban

markets

Wonder Market As the name suggests, this market is full of wonderful things, from beautiful artwork and unusual jewellery to bespoke fashion, farm fresh produce, home décor and lots of good food. Open 9am–2pm on 30 April and 28 May at Chris Saunders Park, Umhlanga. For more information, call 074 467 2464.

open days Prestige Baby & Kidz Academy Morningside This private group of exclusive academies and preschools is dedicated to children whose parents are looking for the best in education and baby development. This school caters for children from three months old up to five years old. The open day takes place on 22 April starting at 10am. For more details, email morningside@prestigebaby. co.za or call 072 4432 532.

April/May 2017

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finishing touch

he says, she says ANÉL LEWIS’ children have entered the social world of playdates, but they clearly have different ideas about what this entails.

family marketplace

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April/May 2017

Conor only splashed water in the girls’ faces three times and our host was most gracious when he sprayed the water gun in her direction. But the wheels came off when it was time to leave. My son flatly refused to budge from his kinetic sand project. I smiled weakly at the mom and threatened to ban TV until Conor turned 16. He wasn’t interested in my threats and carried on shovelling sand as if he was building a new contour path on Lion’s Head. After several pleas, threats and silent pinches, Erin’s friend’s father stepped in to help. But not even the cajoling of a masculine figure could convince Conor.

Exasperated, we resorted to carrying him out to the car; and this is where things got messy. Conor seemed to develop superhuman strength. As we angled him into the vehicle, he planted his legs on either side of the door to resist. I was sweating bullets, while trying to convince the parents that this had never happened before. Erin was telling her friend that she was “so embarrassed” by her brother’s antics and eventually the neighbours came outside to see what the brouhaha was all about. I was at

the end of my tether, so I started dialling my husband to come fetch his son. But fortunately Conor was exhausted too and finally sank into his seat in surrender.

We agreed then that we would not allow Conor to gatecrash Erin’s playdates. This has been somewhat of a bitter pill for Conor to swallow as, at the age of almost five, he just wants to be part of the action. But, he’s also starting to see the benefits of having some time away from his sister as he forges his own friendships. He wants to play with cars and impersonate firemen, while Erin is happier playing dress-up with her school friends. So, I should not have been surprised when, recently on the way to school, Conor begged for a solo playdate with his mate Oliver. When I asked him if Erin could join, he immediately replied: “No ways Mom, I sometimes just need some boy talk.”

Anél Lewis is cultivating her children’s respective needs for “boy talk” and “girl time”, so that she doesn’t feel as guilty about sneaking off for some occasional “adult” time with people who don’t argue about who weighs more.

let’s party

magazine durban

PHOTOGRAPH: craig lewis

e

rin and Conor are pretty tight, as siblings go.

They quibble about the usual things – who’s taking up more space on the couch, who had the biggest serving of ice cream for dessert and who weighs more (I know – the innocence of youth). But generally they are quite happy to spend time together.

However, lately they have been locking horns over that Holy Grail of social engagements – the playdate. It’s fine if these take place during the week, as Erin usually goes home with one of her friends after school. But if they occur on weekends, we have to somehow convince the child who’s not going (usually Conor) that spending an afternoon rearranging the wrapping-paper drawer with me will be just as much fun.

Erin recently had a playdate with a friend who has a swimming pool. As we don’t have one, and it was a scorching hot day, I asked if Conor could join. The mom kindly agreed and invited me to stay for tea. Erin wasn’t too happy. “Mom, sometimes I just need some girl time,” she explained. Despite her reservations, all went well.

Conor, Erin and Anél

recipes

fiesta time for

In her book, My Portuguese Feast, MIMI JARDIM shares nostalgic and delicious recipes for everyday meals, weekend feasting and special occasions.

raymond’s travelling piri-piri chicken

sauce ingredients 2 cloves garlic 20ml butter (plus 12.5ml olive oil, optional) piri-piri chillies (or peri-peri sauce), to taste juice of half a lemon 5ml chopped parsley

serves 4–6

method 1 Rinse and dry the chicken and spatchcock it (cut it open through the back and flatten). Cut slashes into the flesh of the thick parts.

2 Make a paste of the remaining ingredients (other than the rosemary and thyme, and the sauce ingredients) and rub it over the inside and outside of the chicken. Allow to marinate for two hours.

Grill or braai the chicken, turning regularly and using the rosemary and thyme brush to baste it with the remaining paste every time it is turned.

Serve with the sauce.

3 To make the sauce, fry the garlic cloves in the butter. Add the piri-piri chillies or sauce, lemon juice and parsley. Remove the garlic and serve.

ingredients 1 medium-sized (1–1.2kg) chicken salt, to taste pepper, to taste 100g soft butter whole piri-piri chillies, crushed (use 3–5 chillies for medium or 5–10 for hot) 10ml lemon juice 2–4 cloves garlic, crushed 5ml paprika 12.5ml olive oil sprigs of rosemary and thyme tied together to form a brush

Portuguese doughnuts Farturas/Pés de Abóbora/Churros makes 30–40

ingredients 1 litre water 20ml sugar 20g butter pinch of salt 1 stick cinnamon strip of lemon rind 500g flour 6 eggs vegetable oil for frying cinnamon sugar for sprinkling

PHOTOGRAPHS: CRAIG FRASER

method 1 Place the water, sugar, butter, salt, cinnamon and lemon rind in a saucepan. Bring to the boil.

2 Remove cinnamon and lemon.

3 Sift the flour and add it to the saucepan, mixing it in very quickly. Cook for 1–2 minutes.

Remove from the heat and cool.

about the book

4 Mix in the eggs one at a time, beating well until the mixture is of a soft consistency.

5 Heat the vegetable oil in a pan, adding a wine cork or two to prevent bubbles from forming in the oil (and have a glass while you’re at it).

6 Place the mixture in a piping bag fitted with a nozzle. Starting in the centre of the pan, pipe the dough in a spiral shape.

7 Fry until golden on both sides – be very careful when you turn it over. (Alternatively, pipe and fry long strips of dough. These are called pés de abóbora, pumpkin stems.)

8 Remove from the pan and drain on kitchen paper.

9 Cut into pieces with a pair of scissors and sprinkle with cinnamon sugar while hot.

Serve immediately.

For some time now, Mimi Jardim has been a living legend of Portuguese cooking in South Africa. Mimi was born in 1943 in the beautiful Algarve region of southern Portugal and her adventures in cookery started at an early age. My Portuguese Feast is packed with delicious dishes and you’ll find out how to make the best prego rolls, prawn rissoles, classic custard tarts and much more. The book is published by Quivertree Publications (quivertreepublications.com) and is available from all good book stores at a suggested retail price of R385.