Child magazine | JHB October/November 2017

healthy & happy families

J O B U R G ’ S

b e s t

gu i d e

f o r

p a r e n t s

island style a picture-perfect Seychelles break

tech & toy

fun and games learning from play

across gender lines

who says trucks are just for boys?

move it, move it

apps to keep the family healthy

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Oct/Nov 2017

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health

3d

diagnosis, difference & diversity how to manage your child’s night terrors depression: the warning signs for parents and teachers

education

entertainment

like and share It’s impressive when your 79-year-old mother-in-law is a Facebook fundi. I love to track her travels and frequent trips down memory lane. But what I don’t love is her posting pics of me or my children for the whole world to see. This she knows requires prior permission (and often a fair amount of photoediting by the girls). Don’t get me wrong – I am a Facebook fan and use it every day for work, but as far as my personal profile goes, I am rather conservative. I have invested much time and money to keep my children safe online and having taught them never to divulge personal information, it seems hypocritical of me to post a pic of them in their school uniform on their first day of school, tagging my location. I may use Facebook to ask for help, but am uncomfortable with sharing any parenting trials or tribulations, let alone details of my children’s private lives, on such a public forum. It appears that I am not alone in my fear of ‘sharenting’, a term used to describe parents’ use of social media to overshare information about their children. Psychologist Aric Sigman agrees that “part of the way a child forms their identity involves having private information about themselves that remains private. That is being eroded by social media. I think the idea of not differentiating between public and private is a very dangerous one”.

I have many friends who believe the advantages of sharenting far outweigh any negatives. In a fragmented and time-poor society, social media allows us to stay connected to friends and family, and to ask for and receive help. However, I do think we must seriously consider the effects our social-media sharing has on the private lives of our children. “Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.” Wise words from James Baldwin and so applicable in today’s technology-run world where parenting requires digital awareness and savvy. Is sharing really caring? Follow us on Facebook, let me know your thoughts and join the conversation.

Lisa Mc Namara, Publisher

Hunter House P U B L I S H IN G

Publisher Lisa Mc Namara • lisa@childmag.co.za

Child Magazine Online

Editorial

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Consulting Editor

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South Africa’s best guide for parents

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October/November 2017

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how parents of sons can break the ‘boy code’

contents 3 pub’s note 6 over to you

features 12 understanding night terrors Anél Lewis finds out how to manage this distressing sleep disorder

16 it takes a village We explore how parents and schools can identify and help children who might be suffering from depression

19 believing is seeing Debunking the myths about blindness 20 island hopping Lauren Manuel McShane shares her experience of travelling to the Seychelles with her husband and one-year-old son

29 a geek feast Great books for children keen on creativity and technology 30 boys to men Raising confident sons who are also kind and empathetic requires parents to rise above stereotypes, writes Samantha Page

33 across gender lines Anél Lewis tells us there are good reasons why we should encourage children to play with toys traditionally aimed at the opposite sex

regulars 8 pregnancy – when the craving strikes Bridget Pringle takes a look at one of the odder side effects of pregnancy

10 best for baby – play it forward Meg Faure on the value of toys 14 health – move it, move it Apps that will help you put your best foot forward 24 a good read Something for everyone in our pick of top books 36 recipes – keep it simple Celebrity chef Siba Mtongana’s recipes won’t keep you slaving over a hot stove

40 what’s on in October and November 46 in the next issue of child magazine 50 finishing touch Anél Lewis shares the highs and lows of children’s concerts

classified ads 48 let’s party 49 family marketplace

this month’s cover images are supplied by:

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letters

i read ‘help, i’m jealous of my stepchildren’ …and I feel the very same. I think my emotions come from the fact that he separates us at all times. He is either spending time with me or spending time with his daughter. We never spend time all together. I sometimes feel like he lessens the value of our relationship in an attempt to protect her feelings, but that in turn, hurts mine. We have spent multiple holidays apart (like Christmas) and I think it is because of this reason.

Anonymous Child Magazine responds: Read ‘help, i’m jealous of my stepchildren’ online (childmag.co.za/content/help-i’mjealous-my-stepchildren).

Child Magazine responds: Although the Education Department requires children to be vaccinated before entering the formal schooling system, it is up to the parents to decide whether or not to vaccinate their children. For those choosing to vaccinate, but having missed out on a few, they are able to take their children to a state or private clinic to get the vaccinations updated. In your case, you can point the parents to our ‘immunisation schedule’ (childmag.co.za/ content/immunisation-schedule), which will give them all the necessary information they require to get their child school-ready.

more about measles

vaccination advice

My 16 month old has been in contact with a child that has measles. Should I be worried?

Name withheld

I know of a little girl who hasn’t had her shots since 15 months. She is almost four years old now. What can be done in this instance? I am also aware that this affects her being accepted into school.

Name withheld

Child Magazine responds: Our children grow up surrounded by many germs and viruses, and if your child has been vaccinated she should be fine. But please speak to your doctor or clinic if you

are concerned, or if your child displays any of the following symptoms: a fever, dry cough, sore throat and runny nose, red and inflamed eyes or tiny white spots with bluish-white centres on a red background found inside the mouth on the inner lining of the cheek. For more information read our ‘measles faqs’ (childmag.co.za/content/ measles-faqs).

boys behaving badly My 4-year-old son has no developmental or academic delays, but his behaviour is of major concern. He is rude, talks back, and calls us all sorts of names. He does not listen unless it’s of benefit to him. He is also aggressive and has intense emotions when he doesn’t get his way. Would an occupational therapist be of any help to us?

Name withheld Child Magazine responds: Most parents benefit from a bit of professional help and we would suggest you check our online list of healthcare practitioners

(childmag.co.za/resources/healthcarepractitioners) to find a child psychologist in your area. You may also be interested in our article ‘pick your battles – don’t stress the small stuff’ (childmag.co.za/content/ pick-your-battles-dont-stress-about-smallstuff). In it we mention a book worth reading; ‘Parenting a defiant child: A sanity saving guide to finally stopping the bad behaviour’ by Philip and Nancy Hall. For more information, read the article ‘when to see an OT’ (childmag.co.za/content/ when-see-ot).

food for thought Great information on your article ‘food for sensitive tummies’ (childmag.co.za/ content/food-sensitive-tummies)! It’s nice to see informative blog posts that put things in a unique light instead of just repeating what I have already heard. I was diagnosed with diabetes and put on insulin in January 2016, but I won’t let it get me down ­– things like alternative management methods and lifestyle changes have helped.

Good write up! – Anonymous

over to you editor@childmag.co.za

a sole-ful appeal

dad cuts to the chase

Nine-year-old Dario Gouveia recently started an initiative called Sole2Sole and in just six months he has managed to collect more than 11 000 pairs of shoes for those in need.

Shoes collected are handed out to informal settlements, orphanages, homes and children in underprivileged communities. Based in the south of Johannesburg, Sole2Sole has loads of requests coming in from various organisations for shoes, and it breaks our heart that we cannot fullfil all requests.

We would love it if all the mommies out there could consider donating shoes that are too small for their children.

For more information see the Sole2Sole Facebook page.

Zita Gouveia

I was circumcised in my late teens and I was very familiar with my genitals by then. After the procedure, it was not better or worse, only different. I’m soon to be married and plan to have a family. If I’m blessed with boys, I’d probably have them circumcised, not because I was, but just because I felt a slight improvement, and slightly better hygiene. I would certainly have preferred to have been circumcised as a baby. Let’s reserve judgment and let parents choose what they feel is best for their boys.

Name withheld Child Magazine responds: Read ‘circumcision – cut to the chase’ online (childmag.co.za/content/ circumcision).

whose homework is it anyway?

I read your article ‘no-homework policy’(childmag.co.za/content/ no-homework-policy) and I agree with this.

My son is in Grade 2 and the amount of homework for such a young mind is overwhelming. I have decided to adopt the attitude that if we don’t get it all done, then tough. My question is, what are the teachers doing? It seems like parents are doing all the teaching at home. If a child is struggling, he/she is just left behind and has to figure a way back. This is not how it worked when I was in school and I don’t know why we even pay school fees if we end up doing 80% of the teaching!

Anonymous

We reserve the right to edit and shorten submitted letters.

The opinions reflected here are those of our readers and are not necessarily held by Hunter House Publishing.

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Let us know what’s on your mind. Send your letters or comments to

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pregnancy news

when the

An insatiable urge for certain types of food is one of pregnancy’s odder side-effects, writes BRIDGET PRINGLE.

p

regnancy is all those things that make a greeting-card writer’s heart beat faster – the wondrous creation of a new life, a magical rite of female passage. But, you’ve got to admit that it can also be pretty weird. First, there’s the rather insane concept that another person is growing in your body. Then there are the leg cramps that hit in the middle of the night. And the sudden development of a super-powered sense of smell. I even developed something called a pregnancy tumour – on my face (of course).

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Right near the top of the ‘weird list’ are those pregnancy cravings. One friend would send her partner out in the middle of the night for green milkshakes. I wasn’t that demanding, but still noticed a definite shift in the things I did and didn’t want to eat. Unfortunately, salt and vinegar chips became a necessity, while I couldn’t bear to look at broccoli (because the flipside of cravings is the sudden aversion to food you might have previously loved).

protective strategy But where do these cravings come from?

Despite the advances in medical science, the answer is not a definitive one.

Some research points to shifting hormones as the cause, but according to doctor and author Omar Manejwala it seems that hormones influence appetite in general, rather than a desire for specific food types. Other theories suggest that cravings might be related to changes in smell and taste perception.

A third theory is that your body craves what it needs and is repulsed by what isn’t good for you. A University of Connecticut

study showed that in the first trimester, mothers showed a strong aversion to bitter tastes. This could be related to an evolutionary adaptation to steer moms-to-be away from spoiled (and thus potentially toxic) foods. The study also found that cravings change depending on the trimester of the pregnancy.

global differences It makes sense that women crave food that is culturally relevant. A study of Tanzanian women showed their most popular cravings included meat, mangoes, yoghurt and plantain – while a University of Tennessee study showed that American women listed sugary food (especially chocolate), fruit, pickles and pizza among their top cravings.

But when do pregnancy cravings become a problem? If you’ve prepared for motherhood by reading pregnancy books back-to-back, you might have heard of pica. This is the craving for non-food items such as ice, hair, soil and even paint. Anyone can suffer from pica, but it’s more commonly found in pregnant

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PHOTOGRAPH LEFT: ISTOCKPHOTO.com PHOTOGRAPH OPPOSITE: ÉMILIE GUELPA

craving strikes

women. Again, the cause for this extreme craving isn’t known, but the Journal of American Dietetic Association suggests that it could be related to iron deficiency, and the body’s attempt to obtain missing vitamins and minerals. If you experience pica, it’s wise to consult your doctor.

what you told us

Fancy some Cheese Curls and peanut butter?

The pregnancy bible, What to Expect, advises pregnant women to respond to cravings and aversions with reason – try to replace cravings for unhealthy items with a healthier version, or at least have a minichocolate bar instead of a mega-sized one. In her book, Craving, author Sandra Mahut writes that pregnant women should indulge in what their body is craving – “as long as it’s safe to do so”.

The key, as always, is to eat a healthy and balanced diet with everything in moderation. As Mahut points out, your pregnancy is actually the perfect time to re-evaluate your diet and focus on good eating habits. You should also follow any guidelines that your doctor may have given you.

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crisp mini sandwiches

✻✻ Raw (unpasteurised) milk, raw milk cheeses and other raw milk products. ✻✻ grated cheeses. ✻✻ Raw or undercooked fish, shellfish, crustaceans and meat. ✻✻ Marinated or smoked fish, shellfish, crustaceans and meats (unless they are cooked). ✻✻ Surimi (imitation crab), fish eggs. ✻✻ Raw or semi-cooked cured meats. ✻✻ Raw or undercooked eggs and dishes that contain them.

method 1 Slice ½ a cucumber and some radishes into thin rounds, sprinkle with salt and let them rest for 30 minutes.

2 Dry them on paper towels. Spread three slices of pumpernickel (rye) bread with your choice of spreadable cream cheese.

3 Lay the rounds of cucumber and radish on top, overlapping them slightly. Add a little organic lemon juice and a turn of the pepper mill and scatter with snipped sprigs of dill. Place the three topped slices on top of each other and close, then sandwich with the last slice of bread.

4 Cut into triangles.

The desire for sashimi might be strong, but unfortunately there are just some foods you’ll have to avoid – primarily because of the risk of picking up the listeriosis infection. Author Sandra Mahut lists the following ‘no-go’ food items.

Little radish, cucumber and dill sandwiches, excellent for an upset stomach. makes 2 triangles preparation time: 10 minutes resting time: 30 minutes

We asked our readers what they craved when they were pregnant. Here’s what some of

a sensible approach

off the menu

them had to say: Cheese Curls dipped in peanut butter. – Jetaime Naidoo Green mango with chilli powder and salt … yummy.

– Nivashini Thaver Lemon and salt.

– Navlene PandaramI I couldn’t go a day without fish (hake) and avocado.

– Lekota Mokonyama KFC. I couldn’t stand it before I was pregnant. – Avril du Preez

about the book

Craving, by Sandra Mahut, with photographs

by Emile Guelpa, provides 80 pregnancy-friendly recipes. (Murdoch Books, R279)

* For an extra sour version, add thin rounds of gherkin.

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best for baby

play it forward Author and child development expert MEG FAURE explains how toys can stimulate a child’s physical and cognitive development.

Toys should be fun and ignite a child’s creativity and imagination. But more than that, toys are tools that play an important role in stimulating aspects of a child’s development – fine motor, gross motor or language etc. When a child is fully engaged with a toy, it can increase their concentration span and planning skills.

Toys, and in particular books, can be used to encourage language development.

Many toys are designed with specific skills in mind – a block trolley can be used to facilitate walking in a one year old. Balls are great for eye-foot co-ordination and for visual skills and motor planning.

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From what age do toys actually become useful as a development tool?

Right from the first three months, toys can be useful. Take a rattle for example – the simplest of toys shaken near a newborn will encourage listening, identifying where the sound comes from and then visual skills as the little baby looks for the rattle and then follows it with his/her eyes.

Make time to play with your little one — switch off your devices and get onto the floor with him/her.

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Many people think toys are just for fun, but how can they play a role in encouraging your child’s development?

By far the best toy is a large, empty appliance box – your little one can crawl in and out and play house-house.

What advice do you have for parents when it comes to maximising play time?

What everyday objects can parents make use of instead of expensive toys and gadgets?

Make time to play with your little one – switch off your devices and get onto the floor with him/her. Use language in all activities – it’s the best way to enhance verbal intelligence.

I much prefer everyday objects as they allow for more creativity. By far the best toy is a large, empty appliance box – your little one can crawl in and out and play househouse. Pots and spoons are fabulous ‘musical instruments’ for little ones.

Packing and unpacking a Tupperware cupboard creates hours of entertainment.

What are the most important toys for babies to have access to so as to improve their fine and gross motor skills?

As your child gets older, what toys/games will encourage cerebral development such as memory and language skills?

The more simple a toy is, the better.

For fine motor skills, rattles encourage grasp and release. Balls encourage your baby to use two hands together in a co-ordinated fashion. Boxes are fabulous toys for packing and unpacking and teach a baby spatial awareness. Books are also a simple way to enhance language skills.

Some switch toys can be useful to learn cause and effect – for instance, “if I push this button, it will do this”.

For the older child, books continue to hold value for language skills. Memory games are excellent for cognitive skills – put out a few objects or toys and then remove one and see if your child can recall the objects and tell you which one is missing. Visual perceptual skills like spatial awareness are enhanced through puzzles.

Counting games and naming colours and shapes are important to teach little ones basic concepts.

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Research shows that boys and girls develop and think differently – should parents approach play differently with a boy and a girl, using different toys?

I do not think boys and girls need different toys. I think exposure to all activities is important. They will develop differently and may gravitate towards different interests, but I think this is more based on exposure and what they see mom or dad do than actual innate preference.

A challenge for parents is deciding when – and if – to introduce screen time.

At what age should screen time be introduced and how can parents make use of technology to assist with development?

Research has shown that screen time actually hinders learning and that time spent in front of a screen inhibits language development in children under the age of two.

For this reason, the American Association of Paediatrics recommends no screen time for little ones. While this may seem unrealistic, I do recommend that babies and toddlers should not watch TV. If you do put the TV on or use screens to occupy your little one, make sure you sit with them and use the opportunity to interact. This is the only way there can be any benefit from the experience.

Meg Faure, OT, co-author of Baby Sense and founder of Play Sense, a new playgroup solution for 2 to 3 year olds.

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dealing with difference

understanding

night terrors Sometimes a bad dream is more than just a nightmare. Anél Lewis finds out how to manage your child’s night terrors – the more distressing of the sleep disorders.

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he first time it occurred, I thought that Erin (6) was having a seizure. About two hours after putting her to bed, I heard a piercing scream from her bedroom. I found Erin sitting upright in bed, screaming and pointing at “the bad men” she claimed were hiding in the corner. She was hysterical and I could barely make out what she was saying.

I tried to wake her up, but she stared through me with tear-filled eyes. She would not make eye contact and I felt utterly helpless as I tried to soothe my hysterical child. After what felt like eons – but was probably five to 10 minutes – the crying became a whimper and Erin’s breathing eased, suggesting that she was asleep.

The incident was terrifying for me. Erin, however, was oblivious the next morning. In fact, she looked at me as if I was the one who needed a few more hours of sleep when I asked her whether she remembered having any nightmares. Unfortunately, these sleep interruptions continued – sometimes as often as three times a week – and always within a few hours of Erin going to bed. Usually she’s sitting upright in bed, screaming. But I have also encountered her walking out of her room or standing with her face up against the wall.

The whole experience is hugely disturbing.

nightmare or night terror?

Michelle Baker, a Durban-based psychologist, says episodes such as these, which take place in the first third of the night, are not nightmares but rather “night terrors”. They fall into the category of sleeping disorders called parasomnias – sleep patterns that involve abnormal or disruptive behaviour, movements or emotions. Insomnia and nightmares are also defined as parasomnias. But unlike nightmares, night terrors only occur in the early stages of slow wave or deep sleep, and there is seldom any recollection of the distress the following morning.

Night terrors are more common in children – usually between the ages of three and seven – than in adults. The American Academy of Sleep Medicine estimates that 6.5% of children experience night terrors, and the American Sleep Association says that like many parasomnias, there’s often a family history of sleep disorders. According to the Jama Pediatrics Journal, a Canadian study done in 2015 found that about 96% of people with sleep terrors had at least one family member affected by sleepwalking or night terrors, or both. While adults can also experience night terrors, these episodes are usually caused by anxiety or a traumatic event.

Baker says night terrors are idiopathic – in other words, there is no specific cause for these terrifying episodes. “There are various hypotheses, including that the visual cortex has not fully shut down.” This would explain why night terrors occur in the first few hours of going to sleep, and not during the deeper, rapid eye movement (REM) or dreaming stage. But, in the absence of a definitive reason for the episodes, Baker says it is helpful to consider possible triggers. While the link between anxiety and night terrors cannot be ruled out, she says research does not strongly support this as a key cause. “There is no link between sleep terrors in children and emotional disorders, or disorders that will be developed later in life,” notes the American Sleep Association. Baker says it may depend in part on the child’s personality. A child with a vivid imagination or an active mind, for example, may be more prone to night terrors. Other factors linked to night terrors include heat, diet, illness and overtiredness.

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terror triggers

digital distress Although there is not much research available on the effect of electronic devices on sleeping disorders, Baker says playing on a tablet or watching television before bedtime could well be a trigger. Watching a scary movie or the iPad late at night may well contribute to sleep disturbances, she says. Lucy Wolfe, a specialist in child sleep problems at the Sleep Matters Clinic in Cork, Ireland, supports this view. She says that the increased use of electronic devices can’t be factored out when assessing the cause of night terrors. “These devices should not be allowed in the bedroom,” she cautions.

sleep it off Baker warns against waking up a child having a night terror. “If you do, the child could become more distressed and this could mean they will be more sleep deprived the next day.” Lack of sleep could of course have a knock-on effect on their school performance.

Rather make sure the child will not get hurt by removing any objects that could cause harm. Guide the child back into bed if they have been sleepwalking. Do not force any physical contact and do not scream at your child, as this could exacerbate their terror.

Baker says the episode will usually play itself out and the child is likely to settle fairly quickly. She does, however, encourage parents to stay with their child until the terror has passed. Baker adds that the episode is often more terrifying for parents than for the child.

There is also no need to tell your child about the episode if they have no recollection of it the next morning.

parents’ guide Sleep Review: The Journal for Sleep Specialists advises parents to maintain a calm bedtime routine. Scheduled awakening, when a parent will wake up a child before a night terror can occur, has also proven to be effective. This involves keeping track of the approximate time episodes occur over a period of time, and then waking up the child 15 to 20 minutes before an expected terror can start. The good news, says Baker, is that most children will outgrow their night terrors. Only a small percentage of sufferers will continue to experience these sleep disruptions into adulthood.

other tips:

✻✻ Enforce a set sleep routine and make sure your child gets ample rest after periods of activity. ✻✻ Also, try to find out if there is any underlying anxiety or stress that could be causing parasomnia. Sleep disorder experts agree that episodic night terrors do not signify psychological problems, but if they continue to disrupt sleep for prolonged periods, it may be necessary to seek medical advice. ✻✻ Anecdotal evidence suggests that cutting out refined sugars could help improve a child’s sleep. ✻✻ My experience has been that a good supper at the dinner table, and not in front of the TV, and a set bedtime helps minimise the occurrence of Erin’s night terrors. A damp facecloth also helps to settle her during the episode.

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health

a healthy dose of technology Managing your health successfully can be as simple as finding the right app.

TAMLYN VINCENT looks at a

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hile technology doesn’t help with late-night feeds, cooking dinner or babysitting, it can help encourage you to lead a more healthy lifestyle. Using wearable tech to track your movements or getting a daily nudge from your app is a constant reminder to stay healthy – even if your fitness regime only involves a five-minute morning workout or taking the stairs instead of the lift. Monitoring what you eat, how often you exercise, and how much progress you’re making on your personal goals is just as simple as turning on your phone.

Here are five apps to get you on the path to healthy living:

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Fitbit

My Fitness Pal

Well-known for its wearable activity trackers for adults, and now children, Fitbit also has an app. Fitbit’s various devices and the app allow you to track your activity – your steps, distance, calories and even your sleep.

The app can work without the devices as well, and lets you log your weight, food, hydration levels and more.

Available on iTunes and the Play Store for free.

With this nutrition and calorie database, which includes information on more than five million food types, you can keep track of what you eat; the calories and the nutrients.

You can also set your personal goals, log your exercise and sync with other fitness apps or devices.

Available for free on iTunes and the Play Store. Premium features are offered.

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few options.

incentivised health Stay motivated with the help of incentive health programmes: ✻✻ Discovery Vitality Earn Vitality points for being active, undergoing a health screening, or buying healthy foods. These points earn

Strava

Couch to 5K

Sworkit

This app for runners and cyclists allows you to enter your activities, compare your performances and compete with others in your community. So not only can you track and analyse your own activity, you can also connect with and be motivated by others.

The app pairs with devices like a GPS watch, heart-rate monitor or activity trackers.

Free on iTunes and the Play Store.

Premium is available.

Want to get off the couch and learn how to run? This is the app for you.

Spend 30 minutes a day on this running programme, three times a week for nine weeks, and you’ll be able to run five kilometres. The app comes with a training programme and motivational coaches, plus you can track and compare your progress.

Available on iTunes for R49,99 and from the Play Store for R40,99.

Choose your workout, select the time, and get fit, strong and summer-ready or accomplish any of the many goals you can set for yourself on this app.

The body-weight exercises, stretches and yoga routines are all demonstrated by real trainers, and the ability to select the length of your workout means you can fit exercise into your schedule.

Free on iTunes and the Play Store.

Premium is available.

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you rewards. ✻✻ Momentum Multiply This programme rewards you for being active, healthy and safe, and gives you discounts on Momentum products and those from their partners. ✻✻ Sanlam Reality Members of this lifestyle and rewards programme get special offers and can save on their gym fees. The more points you earn, the more you benefit.

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education

it takes a village Parents and schools are a critical safety net for children who might be suffering from depression, says BRIDGET PRINGLE.

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hen our children are little we cure their ‘owees’ with a quick kiss, and cuddle their nightmares away. But as they move towards the teen years and beyond, the pain they suffer isn’t always so obvious, and the fixing of it even less so – particularly when it comes to mental illness. According to statistics from the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (Sadag), up to 20% of South African youngsters are suffering from depression – so it’s a hard, cold fact that a sizeable proportion of our children need our support.

burden of a modern world Depression is not a modern affliction, but the pressures of our time seem to be bearing down on our youth more heavily than ever before, and affecting children at a younger and younger age.

Mark de la Rey, a clinical psychologist and unit head at the Akeso Kenilworth Clinic in Cape Town, says that raised levels of anxiety are driving this trend: “I believe that there is a higher incidence of anxiety levels, which are contributing to more difficulty in social and family settings. In most cases, the increased anxiety levels are precursors to depression, rather than the other way around.”

Sadag’s Operations Director Cassey Chambers echoes this, saying the organisation is seeing increased cases of depressed young children and teens, and that it is receiving more and more calls from children who feel helpless and hopeless, and even suicidal.

the role of tech The use of technology and a breakdown in family structures are common refrains when it comes to the factors contributing to anxiety and depression among children and teens.

“The stress and anxiety created by the ‘always online’ lifestyle we as parents allow our children to engage in at increasingly early ages is a major factor,” says De la Rey. “They can never switch off from being available to friends, being bullied even when away from school, and being open to other predatory elements that are designed to look ‘benign’ to them and us.”

Rondebosch Boys’ Preparatory School head Tony Ryan agrees: “Technology, which obviously has many benefits, is a reality that’s not going to go away and it presents new challenges to our children’s wellbeing. Parents have a responsibility to educate themselves, and monitor what their children are doing online.”

red flags for teachers:

Educational psychologist Heidi Theo lists the warning signs that can indicate a learner is suffering from depression: ✻✻ no participation in previously enjoyable school activities ✻✻ weight loss (and less frequently, weight gain), due to changes in appetite ✻✻ lethargy ✻✻ telltale bags under his/her eyes because of a lack of sleep ✻✻ signs of demotivation, for example, not completing homework or remembering to bring sports kits ✻✻ a lack of participation during classroom discussions ✻✻ a drop in marks ✻✻ difficulty sustaining concentration ✻✻ an increase in social isolation (a depressed child is likely to be found alone during break) ✻✻ an irritable mood, disengaged and/or apathetic ✻✻ a flat and sad demeanour, and quick to cry ✻✻ physical indicators: they may walk with stooped shoulders and may take

where to go for help Sadag runs a Teen Suicide Prevention School Programme in schools that involves speaking to individual classes about the symptoms of depression, warning signs of suicide and how to get help. Schools can also contact their nearest psychologist or psychiatrist, or a unit offered by groups such as Akeso (www.akeso.co.za)

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ILLUSTRATION: ISTOCKPHOTO.com

less pride in the way they look and in their general self-care routine

a lack of support And then there’s the breakdown in family structures, and a consequent decline in the trusted parties that children can confide in, contributing to their sense of isolation.

“It takes a village to raise a child. But for many, that village does not exist, meaning there’s not a support structure for children,” says Ryan. “Mom and/or dad may be absent, and so it’s critical that there are other people for children in need to talk to.”

De la Rey also notes the fact that parents are increasingly unavailable because of work and social demands. “The time we spend with our children is being replaced by the electronic nanny (television, the internet, gaming, etc).”

first line of defence It is against this background that those closest to children from an emotional and physical point of view – parents and teachers – become critical in providing the safety net for those who might be suffering from depression and need intervention.

For parents, there are a number of signs that can indicate a child needs help, although a complicating factor is that all children, and especially teenagers, exhibit ‘red flag’ behaviour at some point or another.

“Children, preteens and adolescents can exhibit behavioural and mood symptoms that mimic depression, but are in fact appropriate for their developmental phase or age,” says De la Rey. “A general rule of thumb would be if the behaviour is prolonged and out of character for your child, then you should be sitting up and taking note. Start by having a talk with your child about how they are feeling and doing. If you feel uneasy about anything, then a visit to the GP might be the first point of call. I believe that prevention is better than cure.”

As is so often the case, open communication is an important ally for parents. “Hearing and understanding what your children think, feel and say doesn’t mean you have to agree with it,” says De la Rey. “However, open dialogue makes it more likely that they will tell you when things go wrong.”

the role of schools Schools – which is where our children spend the majority of their young life – are critical partners.

According to De la Rey, they play “an increasingly vital role in identifying, if not necessarily treating” children who are at risk. Educational psychologist Heidi Theo agrees: “Teachers are in an excellent position to identify when children are depressed, if they are sensitive to changes in their pupils’ behaviour.”

For those children who do require professional help, De la Rey suggests that school support could extend to facilitating time for learners to attend programmes, either as in- or out-patients. They can also encourage information sessions for parents and teachers with professionals, who are mostly open to doing talks, often free of charge.

creating community Some schools introduce initiatives to replicate a sense of family within the school, such as Rondebosch Prep’s ‘Bosch Buddies’. This sees groups of seven boys (with one boy from each grade) making up ‘a family’. “It gives the seniors greater responsibility, and younger boys appreciate the interest the older boys show in them. It has also had an incredibly positive impact on the sense of community and connection for the boys,” says Ryan.

Ultimately, it is ideal for schools and parents to work together, says Theo. “A collaborative approach is the most valuable approach when dealing with children who are at risk. Regular meetings between parents and staff to help with the early identification of concerns are invaluable. Talks hosted by schools can also help both parents and staff recognise and identify the early warning signs.”

red flags for parents:

Sadag provides this list of behavioural signals that can indicate a child needs help:

✻✻ marked moodiness ✻✻ overreactions to frustrations out of all proportion to the provocation ✻✻ marked self-isolation and social withdrawal

preadolescents ✻✻ inexplicable decrease in academic

✻✻ unrealistically low self-esteem ✻✻ unwarranted belief that others

performance ✻✻ increasing social isolation ✻✻ development of unusual physical for

no

dislike or reject him or her ✻✻ unrealistic belief that one’s personal

✻✻ loss of interest in sports complaints

teenagers

medically

sound reason ✻✻ increased childish and dependent behaviour ✻✻ being excessively demanding

appearance is ugly or offensive ✻✻ loss of interest in hobbies, sports, and personal self-care ✻✻ development

of

delinquent

activities, in particular the abuse of drugs and alcohol

where to go for help Parents can try a GP as a first stop, or their nearest psychologist or psychiatrist.

Sadag can also provide direction ((www.sadag.org or 011 234 4837)

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17

education

challenges facing a teenager in the internet age

Why is it so much more difficult to be a teenager in the 21st century?

A friend described what it was like being a teenager: “For me, the main give-away when I was troubled, was listlessness. And what nearly killed me was shyness, and it feels even now that the lack of self-worth was so powerful as to have been inherited from the soul that was born into my body. As from a previous life. I seemed powerless against it”. He was a teenager a long time ago and as much as the world has changed, some things stay the same. Being a teenager has never been easy.

The many changes taking place in both their bodies and their brains are the same as they have always been. According to science, the growing brain only settles into regulated patterns when we become 25 years old. Up until then, most teenagers are selfish, selfabsorbed and self-centred, impulsive, lazy, moody, risk-seeking, frustrated, messy and angry. And then there are also surging hormones to contend with – rapidly growing bodies and sexual development – all designed to make teenagers feel uncomfortable, misshapen, out of place and sometimes downright ugly.

Peer pressure is no longer just a matter of school marks, likes on Instagram, wearing the latest fashion, boyfriends/girlfriends, it can now be a matter of life or death as more and more dangerous drugs come onto the market, the most recent and potentially lethal is a synthetic marijuana called Spice. It’s legal, it doesn’t show up on drug tests, and there have been cases in South Africa of teenagers dying from their first hit. Research suggests that teenagers get addicted faster than adults.

Now add the internet to this already lethal mix and it’s no wonder parents, teachers and mental health professionals are so worried about teenagers and the state of their mental health. Our teens are over-stimulated and over-exposed. The internet is pervasive.

Its tendrils reach into every aspect of life – from entertainment and games, learning, work, communication and personal communication and identity formation.

Peer pressure and bullying used to take place in the playground or at a party. Today, our teenagers cannot escape the bullies or the peer pressure by going home. They have 24-hour connectivity via their smartphones. There is no escape. Cyber-bullying is also cause for grave concern. In cyberspace, the bully and his or her behaviour is covert and hidden.

Children can say things to each other that they would perhaps not be able to say as easily face-to-face. If something ugly is posted on the internet and shared, it cannot be undone.

Messages and images can travel exponentially through cyberspace via sharing and likes and once it’s there, it’s there forever.

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Free and easy access to information, the greatest benefit to our society, is also our greatest concern. All you need is a smartphone to access pornography – it’s free and readily available, sometimes even if you’re not looking for it. Shows like the television series 13 Reasons Why and internet games like Blue Whale add to the mix.

Research shows that the flickering blue light can cause poor sleeping patterns, depression and poor concentration at school. Attention spans last as long as it takes to flick the thumb onto the next page, platform or chat. Sleep, it has been proven, is a teenager’s greatest ally.

The only escape is the ‘off’ button. But switching off is also something they struggle to do because they lack access to their frontal lobes (that part of the brain that tells them they’ve had enough). The world is more complicated, and paradoxically with increased connectivity the risk of disconnection and alienation increases. Social media and school in its current form are here to stay – we, as parents, are going to have to learn ways to manage them both creatively.

Kate Shand is a writer, artist and community arts counsellor, and author of a book entitled BOY: The Story of My Teenage Son’s Suicide.

a must-read for parents Every parent should read ‘teenage suicide: a perfect storm’ by Kate Shand, who experienced the unimaginable when her son committed suicide. Find it online at childmag.co.za/content/teenage-suicideperfect-storm

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believing is seeing

dealing with difference

It’s time to debunk the myths about blindness that negatively affect children who suffer from this disability.

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e’re all familiar with the swashbuckling myths that fill our children’s storybooks; the stories that have been told for time immemorial, and innocently serve to explain a natural or social phenomenon.

But sometimes ‘myths’ are false pieces of information that we’ve come to believe as fact – to everyone’s detriment. When it comes to eye health, such myths abound.

Firstly, the belief that blindness isn’t treatable or preventable is widespread. But this is far from the truth.

Did you know that sub-Saharan Africa has the highest prevalence of blindness and visual impairment in the world, but that with the skills and equipment found at even the most basic hospital, 80% of all eye conditions could be cured?

PHOTOGRAPH: ISTOCKPHOTO.com

away from the public gaze Another myth that has a tragic impact – particularly on young children – is that those disabled by visual impairment or blindness should be kept away from ‘normal’ social activities in a community. These children are often shut away indoors, away from the public gaze, affecting their ability to interact socially, develop their gross and fine motor skills, improve their linguistic abilities, or access any meaningful education that could improve their chances in life.

Even if you’re in a community that doesn’t ostracise children who are visually impaired, you can play a role in debunking the myths that have a cruel impact on children who are already living with avoidable blindness and visual impairment.

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It is also a myth that, in a country dogged by so many child-related health issues, eye health should take a back seat. A child’s eye health is directly linked to their development (cognitive and physical), and their mental health. And children don’t stay children: those whose visual impairment goes untreated then move into the teen years and adulthood, when eye health has crucial links to occupational health, community health, maternal health, and many other aspects.

Put simply, eye health is a critical part of the health of any person, family and community.

screening for issues Another common myth related to child eyecare is a parent’s belief that they will be able to judge if their child is visually impaired. One often hears parents from all walks of life saying: “I don’t need to take my child for unnecessary screening – surely I will be able to tell if my own child isn’t seeing properly?”

Just because kids are phenomenally resourceful and find ways to adapt and survive to the extent that they can mask potential eye problems, doesn’t mean there is no onus on adults to screen their children for eye-health issues. Even if your child shows no signs or symptoms of struggling with their vision, it is important to take them for regular check-ups.

So, let’s be the generation of parents who spread the word: blindness is often preventable and treatable; kids affected by it should be supported not ostracised; it is as important as any other childrelated health issue; and proactive screening is vital.

of all eye conditions

can be cured proactive screening is

vital

light on blindness Orbis Africa is a South African-registered NGO that works across Africa to fight blindness. www.orbisafrica.co.za

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getaway

have baby, will travel

seychelles Seasoned traveller LAUREN MANUEL MCSHANE and her husband jumped at the opportunity to explore the Seychelles with their one-year-old son, and pass their love of island life from one

t

ravelling with a baby is so easy and carefree,” said no one ever. Nevertheless, as travel journalists with a love of island life, we were determined to continue exploring the world after Caleb was born. While jet setting is no longer as easy as slinging on a backpack at short notice, we’ve discovered that careful preparation makes travelling with a baby possible.

We’ve also learnt some other truths along the way: you and your travel partner will have to play tag-team when it comes to holiday activities; you’ll never get to eat while both of you are seated, and bedtime happens when it gets dark. But there are truly incredible aspects of travelling with Caleb (now almost two) – you go back to basics, and learn to love the simple joys of life.

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PHOTOGRAPHS: thetravelmanuel.com

generation to the next.

Just before Caleb’s first birthday, we flew to his second international destination – the Seychelles – for a family holiday of island hopping. The destination ticked all the boxes for us: it is a short flight from South Africa, has no malaria and offers pristine beaches, forests and oceans. Hopping between the main island of Mahé and the smaller neighbouring islands of Praslin and La Digue, we spent all of our time in or near water. I went stand-up paddle boarding around the yachts of Port Launay while Vaughan played on the beach with Caleb. When it was time for him to explore the underwater world with goggles and a snorkel, Caleb and I built sandcastles, sunk into the sand as the water lapped gently at our feet, and tried to escape the mosquitoes hovering beneath the trees. At the Eden Bleu hotel we woke up to views of moored yachts, and spent many daylight hours in the pool.

In Beau Vallon, we made a plan to take back our evenings as Caleb wasn’t going to sleep as early. No longer confined to our hotel room after dark, we strapped him onto our backs and strolled through the night market. As music played and Seychellois sold grilled sausages with vegetables and rice, we steered through the crowds. After passing fresh fruit stands and seafood stalls, we’d find any available spot on the beach nearby to enjoy our meal.

Having lived in Hawaii, Koh Samui and close to Malaysia’s tropical Tioman Island, we’ve seen our fair share of spectacular beaches. But it was on La Digue and Praslin that we got to experience two of the most mind-blowing beaches we’ve ever laid eyes on.

On Praslin, we stayed right on the beach, basically living on the balcony until the mosquitoes came out around sunset. We switched from swimming in the calm ocean first thing in the morning to lounging in the pool at the end of the day.

I fell in love with La Digue, where bicycles are the main form of transport. As we drove around on a giant golf cart, we cruised slowly past tourists and residents alike on their bikes. We popped into L’Union Estate and walked on lawns beneath palm trees and chased Caleb through the garden.

It’s easy to take beauty for granted when you travel for a living. But it was on the beach Anse Source d’ Argent that I had an ‘aha’ moment and realised just where I was. I was in the Seychelles, tucked between voluptuous boulders and lazing on my sarong as Caleb made friends with neighbouring Russians and Vaughan snorkelled in the tepid ocean.

The beach, the boulders, the overhanging palms and the glistening ocean appeared photoshopped – and for once, I put the camera down and just took it all in with my eyes.

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things to do in the Seychelles with a baby:

✻✻ Snorkel and relax at Anse Source D’argent Beach on La Digue, ride on an ox cart, rent a bicycle and cycle around the island (bring a helmet for baby if they can sit up by themselves as hotels generally won’t supply helmets for children) and visit the giant Aldabra tortoises at L’Union Estate. ✻✻ Spend the good part of a day playing in the waters of Anse Lazio Beach on Praslin Island (bring or buy beach toys) and visit the animals and birds in the National Heritage site and nature reserve of Vallée de Mai (known as the Garden of Eden). ✻✻ Get all your daily supplies at the Spar on Eden Island (Mahé), visit the Victoria local market with baby on your back, enjoy the view at Mission Lodge, visit the Beau Vallon night market. ✻✻ Make sure your hotel has a pool and can give you a baby-friendly room (no stairs inside and a well-enclosed balcony with no gaps for baby to fit through). Look for a hotel with a kids’ club – even if your child is too young to be left there, you can play with them there.

we’ve discovered that careful preparation makes travelling with a baby possible...

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getaway

necessities for island baby travel: carrier

If your baby is happy in a carrier, it will allow you to move through airports, new towns and along beaches hands-free. It also takes up far less room than a pram and is very quick to strap on. If you enjoy outdoor adventure holidays, there are wonderful hiking carriers for trails that dad can also wear. So shop around. mosquito repellent Well-known repellents for adults always work like a bomb, but have a look at natural options (especially for young babies). Be sure to apply repellent throughout the day, but especially apply early in the morning and at sunset. There are some repellents that you can use for their clothing and pram. Be sure to pack a good antihistamine from your doctor at home. camp cot net While most resorts will provide a camp cot for your baby, not all of them provide a mosquito net. Enquire about the cot size and be sure to bring a camp cot mosquito net with you. hat and thin clothing Take a wide-brimmed hat and thin, light-coloured clothing to protect your baby from sunburn and insect bites. The Seychelles is also known for hairy caterpillars, which can cause itchy rashes if they make contact with your skin. These can drop from the trees or their hairs can be carried by the wind, so it’s best to keep baby covered if possible.

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it was on the beach Anse Source d’ Argent that I had an ‘aha’ moment...

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October/November 2017

23

books

a good read There’s something for everyone in our pick of the best new book releases.

for babies

Izilwane ezili-100 zokuqala Amagama ali-100 lokuqala (Pan Macmillan, R59) The popular Priddy First 100 Mini series of books is now available in isiZulu and isiXhosa. The colourful books provide a fun way for your little one to learn about animals, numbers, shapes and words. Made from tough board that is easy to wipe clean, these mini-treasures will last for many reads to come.

for toddlers and preschoolers

for preschoolers

Nyambura Waits for the Bus

The All Africa Wildlife Express

The Elders At The Door

By Dianne Hofmeyr and Carol Thompson (Tafelberg, R155) Daddy is a crocodile, with a toothy grin.

Daddy is a kangaroo, who hips and hops, flips and flops. Daddy is a hungry tiger, who mixes, mashes and gnashes his food.

Daddy is all these things, but most of all, he’s the best daddy in the world. A catchy celebration of dads that all children will love.

By Cath Alexander (Jacana, R120) Nyambura is going to visit her Gogo, so she kisses her Mama goodbye and races off. But the bus is late, and Nyambura is left to think about all the special times spent with Gogo. This is a story that will encourage children to cherish their loved ones, and teach them the importance of helping others.

By Rosamund Haden & Tony Pinchuck (Tafelberg, R190) When Elephant receives an invitation from the monkeys to a party at Coconut Bay, he starts his steam engine for a great African adventure. Along the way, animals jump aboard for a fantastic journey to Hotel Splendide, where a big surprise awaits.

Wonderfully illustrated and quirkily told, this story will keep young readers spellbound.

By Maryanne Bester (Jacana, R95) This is a delightful retelling of a popular fable that is told across the African continent. One day, three tired and hungry elders knock on the door of a family home.

The family can only choose one visitor to come inside – so who will they pick? A book for every child and family.

My Daddy is a Silly Monkey

for early graders

Big Questions From Little People … Answered By Some Very Big People

By Gemma Elwin Harris (Faber and Faber, R210) Children can ask some tough questions – but luckily there’s a book to help parents out. This book gets experts to provide answers to questions like, ‘Why can’t I tickle myself?’ and ‘How far away is space?’ It provides a great way for both of you to get answers to some of life’s big questions.

for us

The Women of the Castle

By Jessica Shattuck (Bonnier UK, R270) Set at the end of World War Two, in a decrepit Bavarian castle that was once the site of parties hosting the who’s who of German high society, the lives of three widows become intertwined. This is a novel of secrets and forgiveness and provides a new perspective on one of the most traumatic periods of the last century.

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for preteens and teens

for preschoolers

for teens

for preschoolers and early graders

for teens

City Girl and the Black Colt

Elevation 2: The Rising Tide

Ginny Moon

By Marga Jonker (Tafelberg, R160) Jessica doesn’t want to join her mom on a research trip to the West Coast. She’d rather stay at home in Pretoria for the holidays. But once she’s there, she spots a wild horse that captures her attention. And … she meets a boy. Another captivating horse story from the author of Goodbye, Chocolate Charlie.

By Helen Brain (Human & Rousseau, R205) Part 2 of this popular futuristic series set in Cape Town. Time is running out for Ebba. The General is planning a genocide.

Can she stop him? Micah is heading the resistance with the gorgeous Samantha Lee. With nothing left to lose but his love, Ebba agrees to one final sacrifice.

By Benjamin Ludwig (HarperCollins UK, R270) Ginny Moon is exceptional. Everyone knows it, especially her new adoptive parents.

What they don’t know is that Ginny doesn’t want to belong. She’s found her birthmother on Facebook, and is determined to get back to her. An inspirational look at one girl’s journey to find her way home.

for us

parenting

parenting

The Husband Hunters – Social Climbing in London and New York

By Anne de Courcy (Orion UK, R315) A fascinating look at the American heiresses who left their country to marry into the British aristocracy towards the end of the 19th century – ostensibly in a cash-for-titles quest. Ann de Courcy’s book draws on extensive research to reveal the real story behind husband hunting in Europe.

Dummy

Parenting with Courage

By Matt Coyne (Wildfire, R280) Matt Coyne is a UK-based writer who imparts his parenting triumphs and disasters on his popular blog Man vs Baby.

True to form, his book Dummy is packed with completely impractical (and hugely entertaining) advice for new moms and dads, but is also a story of the beautiful insanity of parenting.

By Mandi Hart (Struik Christian Media, R159.95) This is a contemporary parenting guide from a Christian-based perspective.

Covering key topics such as values-based parenting, the stages of development, discipline, the role of culture and mindful parenting, Mandi Hart offers practical tips and inspirational stories to help parents build a strong relationship with their children. magazine joburg

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books

get your geek on activity book fun

for preschoolers

for preschoolers

Cars 3: Magical Story Cars 3: Happy Tin

for preschoolers and early graders

Disney Princess Book and Blocks

(Penguin Random House, R100 and R220) For all the little Cars fans out there. In Cars 3: Magical Story, Lightning McQueen needs to prove that his racing days aren’t over and that he still has more to give. And the Cars 3: Happy Tin, which contains three activity books and more than 50 stickers, will keep your mini-motorhead occupied for hours.

Liebetland: A Colouring Book

(Penguin Random House, R220) The Disney Princess Book and Blocks set comes complete with an illustrated story, two block puzzle characters of popular Disney princesses and a playmat, allowing little princesses (and princes) to build and create, play make-believe and act out their very own adventure story.

By Liebet Jooste (Imagnary House, R150) Liebetland is a wonderful world created by South African artist Liebet Jooste. It’s a world where strange creatures live among crazy plants and fantastical landscapes. Let your budding artist’s imagination run wild as he or she colours in the book’s whacky scenes.

cool tech reads

for early graders and preteens

for early graders and preteens

Computer Coding Python Projects for Kids

(DK, R320) Computer Coding Python Projects for Kids uses a practical approach to show young readers how this popular computer programming language works, with step-bystep projects (such as a space treasure game) that build knowledge gradually. There are also tips to personalise and adapt each project to encourage creative thinking.

for early graders and preteens

Adventure Maps to Build and Explore in Minecraft

My First Coding Book

By Kirsten Kearney (Octopus Publish Group, R271) Calling all Minecraft fans. This book explores some of the best interactive stories and quests devised by members of the Minecraft family and played by hundreds of gamers all over the world. It also includes tutorials and simple stepby-step guides that teach you how to design and build your own adventures.

By Kiki Prottsman (Penguin Random House, R230) My First Coding Book is a playful introduction to offline coding and programming that will give young children a head start. Filled with puzzles, mazes and games to teach the basic concepts of sequences, algorithms, and debugging, this book will help children develop key computer literacy skills.

win for preschoolers and early graders

for preschoolers

My Little Pony: Where Equestria Comes to Life!

(Struik Children, R150) Witness true pony power when you see Princess Twilight Sparkle and her friends play outside the printed page!

Watch your favourite ponies as they grow to their true size before your eyes, or you can connect to a friend’s device and let your ponies take a stroll together.

iDinosaur

(Struik Children, R150) Who says that dinosaurs don’t exist?

With the digital magic of augmented reality, your child can experience these prehistoric creatures in a new dimension.

Developed specifically for mobile devices, including the iPhone, iPad, Android phones and tablets, iDinosaur brings these creatures to life in a whole new way.

win

Three copies of iDinosaur and three copies of My Little Pony: Where Equestria Comes to Life! are up for grabs. To enter the competition, visit www.childmag.co.za/ wins

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Smart Globe Become a globe-trotting genius with the SmartGlobe, an interactive globe that is packed with information about the countries of the world, and loads of fun activities. From capital cities and national anthems, to geography and history, this high-tech educational toy will wow you with fascinating knowledge and interactive challenges.

We have one SmartGlobe Infinity worth R1 699 and one SmartGlobe Discovery worth R1 299 to give away. To enter the competition, visit childmag.co.za/wins

October/November 2017

29

parenting

boys to men Raising confident sons who are respectful, kind and empathetic requires parents to rise above old-fashioned stereotypes,

c

alling all parents of sons. Yes, parents of adorable applecheeked cherubs, squishable chocolate-covered marshmallow boys and preschoolers smelling of crayons and school, I’m talking to you. Those beautiful babes will grow into men soon enough, and the world is depending on you to raise smart, generous, observant, sensitive, strong, kind, confident and respectful men who listen well and are able to articulate their feelings to their partners, colleagues and friends. When Sheryl Sandberg so boldly declared in her New York Times bestseller Lean In that the most important career choice women will make is who they marry, she also had you in mind because your son’s education begins in the home with his parents – and these days (with single motherhood on the rise), particularly with mothers.

The world is engaged in one of the most important dialogues of the century, wrote Alyson Schafer in The Huffington Post last year. “Every person is being called to make his or her contribution towards creating a more egalitarian, safe, respectful society for women. For parents, that includes making efforts to raise a new generation of boys who reject old stereotypes and instead come to respect girls and women,” adds Schafer.

William Pollack, PhD, author of Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood and a groundbreaking researcher and clinical psychologist at Harvard Medical School who has devoted his investigations into boyhood for over two decades, makes a strong case for breaking the “boy code” as a starting point. Boys are told not to cry, that the things they’re

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interested in are for “sissies”, that real men play rugby and ballerinas play cricket and how often have you heard boys being told to “man up”? In his book, Pollack explores the toxic conceptions of masculinity in boy culture and how he believes it leads to boys doing poorly in education and health and having higher involvement in violent crimes and suicide than girls. Boys are being made to feel ashamed of their vulnerability, Pollack contends, and “while we have rethought some of our ideas about girls, we are overdue for such a rethinking about our boys.”

“My son is loving and kind, but I feel like I need to prepare him for the tough male culture that exists in my culture and the world that he will inevitably become a part of,” says *Tumi. What’s Pollack’s bottomline advice to Tumi and other moms who face the same dilemma? “Stay connected, no matter what.” Communicating with your son has never been more important than right now – and that means listening as much as speaking. “Over the past several years, I and other professionals who work with boys have become increasingly aware that even boys who seem okay on the surface are suffering silently inside – from confusion, a sense of isolation, and despair. They feel detached from their own selves, and often feel alienated from parents, siblings and peers. Many boys feel a loneliness that may last throughout boyhood and continue into adult life,” comments Pollack.

Parents need to consider that boys are now twice as likely as girls to be identified with a learning disability and in the US alone, boys constitute up to 67% of special education classes, and in

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PHOTOGRAPHS: ISTOCKPHOTO.com

says Samantha Page.

some school systems are up to 10 times more likely to be diagnosed with a serious emotional disorder – most especially attention deficit disorder, for which many boys are receiving powerful medications with heavy side effects that range from lack of appetite to mood swings and insomnia.

Recent research also shows boys’ scores on reading lag way behind girls in every country in the world with no real signs of amelioration, and in general it’s boys’ selfesteem that is more fragile, resulting in disciplinary problems and mood disorders.

“When my best friend’s son was three years old, he loved to wear his sister’s tulle ballet tutu and her sparkly tiara and sing that Disney earworm ‘Let It Go’ whenever he had the chance. My friend was so relaxed about it and even helped him put together his various outfits. It made me wonder why his behaviour made me so uncomfortable; why I was secretly thankful that it wasn’t my son playing ballerina dress-up. Was I afraid that my son would be perceived as gay and why did that strike such fear?” muses *Judi, a mom of two tween boys. Olga Silverstein articulates this thinking in her book The Courage to Raise Good Men. “According to society’s stereotypes, if males exhibit

feminine behaviour, they can bring harm to themselves by becoming homosexual or weak, while at the same time, harming the parents for having failed at raising their male children.”

In her book, Silverstein cites an example of a mother who brought her son to a family therapist, claiming her son was lacking male influence in his life after her recent divorce and her now single motherhood. The mother’s concern was that her son needed a man in his life to teach him how to be a man. While the therapist agreed that the young man needed male interaction as well as female interaction, the therapist did not say the mother should bring a male into the boy’s life. Instead, the therapist stressed that if you want to raise good males in society, they must embody the best qualities of both genders. The same can be said for females and Silverstein concludes that just as feminists combat female stereotypes, we should also combat male stereotypes of what males should be and support those men in all their endeavours, interests and emotions. Clearly we should raise the standards for both genders to improve. *Names have been changed

If you want to raise good males in society, they must embody the best qualities of both genders.

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parenting

so how do parents raise men for the women of the future? model respectful behaviour at home: Children learn gender relations at home so, Dad, be aware of the way you speak and interact with the women in your house. Are you using a respectful tone and displaying a positive attitude? Is there sensitivity and an open exchange of ideas? Does Dad make statements like “You must be hormonal” or “Women can’t make up their minds”? ask and listen: It’s not enough to enquire if your son is okay. Create opportunities for him to share and for you to listen – free of judgment. This is a chance to develop a platform for active listening where you listen to gain information, understand where he’s coming from, enjoy the insights into his personality and learn something new – yes, you can learn from your child too. let go of the ’boy code’: If you’ve ever said “that’s for girls”, “boys don’t cry” or excused your son’s bad behaviour with “boys will be boys”, you need to be aware

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that these seemingly innocuous statements reinforce old stereotypes of what it is to be a boy or a man. The long-term effect of suppressing any emotion is more often than not destructive, and enabling his lack of responsibility diminishes his character. Reading with your kids presents a great opportunity to discuss the characters and the roles played by men and women in those stories and how the stories make him feel. What is his emotional response to a story or character and why do they resonate with your son or not? educate your sons about how to speak about and to women in a respectful way. It’s not enough to say, “don’t do that”, says Schafer. Parents must attempt to raise a boy who is willing to speak up against their peer groups’ degrading jokes and taunting. Schafer even suggests getting boys to practise phrases so it comes naturally when boys need to use them. For example, “Hey, that’s not cool, that could have been my sister, dude” or “You don’t have to impress us with that macho stuff.”

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resource

playing across gender lines There are good reasons why children should be encouraged to play with toys that

PHOTOGRAPHS: ISTOCKPHOTO.com

are traditionally aimed at the opposite sex,

m

says ANÉL LEWIS.

y son, aged 5, was recently invited to a play date at a girl’s house, and my initial thought was whether there would be toys for him to play with. I mean, boys need cars and trains, right? Needless to say, Conor spent a delightful afternoon painting and playing dolls with his friend, and there was never an issue about the toys being too girlish.

Researchers tell us that boys and girls differ physically and socially in the way that they play. So, perhaps the games may have been a bit more raucous if Conor had been playing with one of his male classmates. It’s accepted that boys generally enjoy vigorous activities that allow them to compete against their friends, while girls tend to prefer co-operative interaction where they use language to act out home-based themes. But does this mean that we should restrict our children’s choices by keeping the noisy trucks for the boys, and encouraging our girls to stick to their dolls and toy ovens?

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resource

Referring to the differences as “Pink Brain, Blue Brain”, Keller says that structural differences in boys’ and girls’ brains in utero affect the way they process information and therefore how they learn.

science says so A 2001 study by the University of Nebraska’s Department of Psychology found that boys and girls do show a preference for certain toys from the age of two but that their affinity for certain toys intensifies as they are exposed to outside influences such as their friends, parents and, of course, the media. “Girls’ play tends to centre on themes related to family and domestic life. In many communities, girls can often be observed playing with dolls, household objects, dress-up clothes, and related materials for creative expression,” note the authors. “Boys are often found playing with transportation toys, weapons, and building materials. They are often noisy in their play, shouting out the ‘swoosh’ of the sword or the ‘crash’ of the car,” they add.

This research is borne out by a more recent study by the City, University of London and University College London, which found that children as young as nine months prefer toys specific to their gender. In their findings, published in 2016 in the Journal of Infant and Child Development, the team argues that there are biological as well as environmental factors at play in children’s toy choices. “Biological differences give boys an aptitude for mental rotation and more interest and ability in spatial processing, while girls are more interested in looking at faces and better at fine motor skills and manipulating objects,” says Dr Brenda Todd, a senior researcher at City, University of London. “Our results show that there are significant sex differences across all three age groups. Children in the youngest group, who were aged between nine and 17 months when infants are able to crawl or walk and therefore make independent selections, being particularly interesting; the ball was a favourite choice for the youngest boys, and the youngest girls favoured the cooking pot.”

Gavin Keller, the headmaster at Sun Valley Primary School in Cape Town, has become known for his use of neuroscience to explain how boys and girls learn differently. Referring to the differences as “Pink Brain, Blue Brain”, Keller says that structural differences in boys’ and girls’ brains in utero affect the way they process information and therefore how they learn. In girls, the left hemisphere – the brain’s language centre – develops faster, which means that when the neural pathways try to cross over to the right hemisphere, this hemisphere hasn’t developed sufficiently to accept them. This results in many girls having a stronger language capacity. The reverse occurs in boys, resulting in a greater interest in spatial activities such as sport, and subjects such as maths, science and engineering.

“Raising children means working hard to accept the gender difference, but at the same time creating space to lay neural pathways across the gap between our left and right brain,” says Keller.

behavioural differences But Lise Eliot, a Chicago-based neurobiologist, argues that there is little scientific evidence to back up the theory that boys’ and girls’ brains are wired differently. She stresses, however, that she is only referring to the structural differences, and not the way in which boys and girls act. “I want to be clear I am talking about their brains. There are obviously pretty striking differences in behaviour,” she explains. Eliot says that until the age of about 12 months, boys and girls don’t exhibit much difference in their toy choice. Both will play with dolls – probably because children of that age have an affinity for anything with a face. From the age of about one, however, boys will opt for trucks and girls for dolls, often as they start developing their gender identities and become influenced by societal stereotypes.

tech toys Children are becoming tech-savvy from an increasingly young age, and much of their play involves tablets or computer games. It’s not surprising then that the same gender stereotypes often apply to these games too. As with other toys, many of these games are marketed at either boys or girls. Boys’ games often require hand/eye co-ordination, and involve a fair amount of action. Girls’ games tend to use their artistic skills for activities

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such as colouring-in and dress up. But there are also plenty of games that will keep both girls and boys entertained. Toca Boca is one of the development companies that has actively created gender-neutral apps that appeal to boys and girls alike. Conor and his sister, Erin, are both fans of these apps, which involve various activities from driving trains to styling hair. Online games that require construction, involving three-dimensional cubes, for example, can and should be played by boys and girls as they teach important spatial skills. Dr Clare Brett, of the University of Toronto/Ontario Institute of Studies in Education, says while older boys in their teens will use computers for gaming, girls of this age generally use technology for social networking.

The role of biological differences in toy choices remains a topic of much debate, but researchers do agree that gender-specific toys can have a significant and even detrimental impact on our children’s development. And many place the blame firmly at the feet of retailers, who in recent years have taken to using the gender divide as a marketing tool.

Toy stores are often clearly divided along gender lines, with aisles of dolls and pinkpackaged toys aimed at girls, while the boys get to choose from an array of action toys and vehicles in a separate aisle.

aisle bias A UK campaign called “Let Toys be Toys” is now pushing for retailers to organise toys by theme, rather than by gender. “Boys and girls need the chance to develop in all these areas, but many stores divide toys into separate boys’ and girls’ sections. Action, construction and technology toys are predominantly marketed to boys while social role play and arts and crafts toys are predominantly marketed to girls. Both boys and girls miss out this way,” notes the campaign’s website. The campaign also highlights the fact that toys themselves are inherently gender neutral, and that the real difference is how they are played with. While a boy could use a couple of dinosaur figurines as contenders in a ferocious prehistoric battle, his sister may prefer to use them to enact a story.

toys for all Judith Blakemore, a professor of psychology at Indiana University-Purdue University in Indiana, says toys that are not gender-typed are more likely to develop a child’s physical, cognitive, musical and academic skills. As parents, we of course have considerable influence over the toys our children play with, adds Eliot. It’s up to us to encourage our children to explore all the aisles in the toy shop, despite the best efforts of retailers and marketers to amplify gender stereotypes. Find building toys that appeal to girls and boys, for example, to encourage hand/eye co-ordination and spatial skills. Remember that dolls teach empathy, an important attribute for children of both genders, she adds.

Remember that dolls teach empathy, an important attribute for children of both genders.

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recipes

Siba keeps it simple Quick and easy recipes from South African celebrity chef Siba Mtongana that won’t keep you slaving over the stove.

Siba Mtongana is star of the television cooking show Siba’s Table, which is broadcast on DStv’s Food Network channel, and is aired in more that 130 countries. These recipes come from the first episode in the new season of Siba’s Table (Season 3) on Food Network and the previous season. She is also author of the cookbook Welcome to My Table.

Watch Siba’s Table (Season 3) at 20:00 CAT on Food Network, DStv Channel 175.

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Fruity Rooibos Summer Blush Ingredients: 3 Rooibos tea bags 4 tbsp honey 1.5 litres boiling water 250ml ice blocks, crushed

Goji Berry Granola Bars

images courtesy of Food Network AND ISTOCKPHOTO.com

Ingredients 35g dried cranberries, chopped 35g dried goji berries 60g sunflower seed 60g mixed chai seeds 80g pumpkin seeds 60g linseed seeds 75g pistachios, roughly chopped 75g macadamia nut, chopped

100g white chocolate, roughly chopped 65g oats 125ml honey 125ml macadamia butter Topping: 250g–350g white chocolate, melted 35g goji berries 40g lightly toasted fresh coconut

Method: 1. Preheat oven to 170°C. Grease and line a 23cm x 33cm baking tray with foil and grease the foil. In a large bowl, add all the ingredients (except for topping ingredients) and mix until well combined.

2. Tip into the prepared, lined baking tray. Wet the palm of your hands with water and press the granola down firmly until level – wetting your hands prevents the mixture from sticking as you press it.

3. Bake for 15 minutes until slightly golden. Meanwhile, melt the chocolate in a double boiler. Remove the granola bake from the oven and cover with the melted chocolate. If you would prefer less chocolate, you can lightly drizzle instead of completely covering the bars. Sprinkle over the goji berries and fresh coconut.

4. Leave to cool and then chill in the fridge so it hardens slightly. Once chilled, remove from the tin, peel off foil and cut into 15 evenly sized bars. Serve as a snack or place in an airtight container for up to three weeks.

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2 lemons, sliced and pips removed 250g strawberries, halved or sliced 125g fresh cherries, halved and pitted 125g pomegranate rubies

Method: 1. To make the tea, place the Rooibos tea bags and honey in a large jug and pour in 1.5 litres of boiling water.

2. Stir and allow to cool to room temperature. Cover and place in the fridge until chilled, ready to use and then discard the tea bags.

3. Place the crushed ice in a 2L jug, add the lemon slices, strawberries, cherries and pomegranate rubies. Pour in the chilled rooibos tea and serve.

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recipes

Baked Salmon and Sriracha Sauce Ingredients: 1kg farmed salmon Pinch smoked flaked sea salt 4 cloves garlic, finely chopped 1 tsp fresh ginger, finely grated 12 red salad (spring) onions, chopped (including the green and red part)

75g cashew nuts, roughly chopped 3 tbsp peanut oil 2 tbsp fresh lemon juice 1 tbsp fish sauce 2 tsp sriracha sauce 1 tbsp honey

Method: 1. Preheat the oven to 180°C and lightly grease a roasting pan with oil. Place the fish on the greased pan, skin down, and season well with smoked salt. Then rub the garlic and ginger onto the flesh of the fish.

2. In a jug, mix together the chopped nuts, spring onions, peanut oil, lemon juice, fish sauce, sriracha and honey. Scoop out the solids and place in a long line in the centre of the fish and then pour over the remaining liquid.

3. Bake in the oven for 15–18 minutes until the fish flakes when pushed with your finger – take care not to overcook the fish.

Crushed herby potato Ingredients 300g red baby potatoes, halved, skin on 2 tbsp crème fraiche Handful fresh parsley, chopped

Handful fresh dill, chopped Salt and freshly ground pepper Olive oil Extra chopped dill to serve

Method: 1. Place the potatoes in a saucepan and cover with cold salted water.

2. Bring to the boil and cook until the potatoes are tender. Drain the water, heat once more to remove any excess water.

3. Add the crème fraiche, herbs and lightly crush with a fork, stirring at the same time.

Season well with salt and pepper.

4. Drizzle with olive oil and finish with extra dill, serve.

Give your braaied mielies a tasty kick with Siba’s spice mix.

Spicy grilled corn Ingredients 6 corn on the cobs For the spice mix 2 tbsp smoked Maldon salt tbsp cayenne pepper

Raw Beet And Carrot Salad Ingredients: 200g shredded carrots 200g shredded beets 60g baby spinach, rinsed thoroughly

Dressing: 80ml olive oil 4 tbsp red wine vinegar 2 tbsp fresh parsley 1 tsp honey Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper

Method: 1. In a large bowl, mix the shredded beet and carrots together with the baby spinach leaves and place on a platter.

2. In a small jug, mix the dressing ingredients together. Drizzle over the salad just before serving and toss lightly.

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2 tbsp chilli flakes 2 tbsp dried mixed herbs 2 tbsp smoked paprika Butter to serve

Method: 1. Chop corn in half.

2. Soak the corn in a bowl of cold water until ready to cook – this will prevent it from burning on the grill.

3. Mix together spice mix ingredients and set to one side.

4. Braai the corn for 10 minutes or so until cooked making sure you turn it every few minutes.

5. Once cooked and nicely charred remove from the grill.

6. Brush with butter and sprinkle generously with the spice mix.

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calendar

what’s on in

October & November For more events go to childmag.co.za/whats-on or submit an event for Dec/Jan before 3 November to joburg@childmag.co.za

28 October Nitro Circus Live

The Finery Arts Festival This festival will delight the senses with a variety of live entertainment, contemporary art, food and deli products, wine tastings, something for the coffee connoisseurs and craft distillery workshops. Plus the Funnery has loads of cool activities for children to enjoy, for R60. Open from 10am on 30 September and 1 October at Kievits Kroon Country Estate in Pretoria. Tickets are R120.

For more info: thefinery.co.za 1 October

Meditation for Children Following in the Footsteps of Buddha is a meditation for children 4–12 years old, where they learn about meditation and how they can develop peaceful minds, using games, stories and art projects. It takes place from 9:30am–11:30am at Vajrapani Kadampa Buddhist Centre, Craighall Park and costs R40 per child, and R25 per child thereafter. Contact: 011 447 2746 or info@ meditation.org.za

Cansa Bark for Life This canine fundraising event honours our canine companions and supports their and our fight against cancer. The dog walk takes place from 8am–12:30pm at Marks Park All Breeds Canine Club, Orange Road, Emmarentia. Registration starts at 7am and the walk costs R100. Contact 060 988 9124, 083 336 5265, shoffmann@zoology.up.ac. za or thuman@cansa.org.za

Gold Mine Tour Learn about the history of West Rand gold mining, visit the Confidence Reef and see how the stamp mills operate. The tour takes place at Kloofendal Nature Reserve from 2pm–4pm on 1 October and 5 November.

Adults pay R70, children R50. Contact: 079 693 5608

Guided educational nature walks The Kloofendal Nature Reserve offers fun walks for all ages. On 1 October there’s a Scorpion Walk, with a walk through the reserve on 7 October and 4 November, and a Butterfly Walk on 15 October and

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Reefsteamers Steam Train Trip

19 November, all from 9am–11am. Bird Spotting takes place on 8 October and 12 November, from 7am. Prices range from R30–R70. Contact: 079 693 5608

Experience the thrill and sound of a real steam engine. Picnic at the magnificent Magalies Sleepy River or visit the Irene Dairy Farm or The Big Red Barn. The train travels to Magaliesburg on 7 and 21 October and 25 November, and to Irene on 4 November. Tickets cost from R230– R295. Departure times vary. For details, visit reefsteamers.com

The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe Join the four adventurous Pevensie children – Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy – as they discover a tunnel at the back of a wardrobe that leads to a strange and wondrous place. Shows are at 10:30am and 2:30pm during government schools’ holidays, from 26 September to 15 October, at the National Children’s Theatre, 3 Junction Avenue. Tickets are R100–R120. Contact: 011 484 1584 / 5 or bookings@nctt.org.za

Tshwane Green Ride 2017 This is an event for young and old, for avid cyclists and for those who want to enjoy the scenery while having a good workout. The Tshwane Green Ride promotes low-carbon interventions, healthy lifestyles and non– motorised transportation in communities.

Cycling is free. Meet at 6:30am at the Cullinan Library Park in Pretoria for the 31km fun cycle ride. Contact: greenup@ tshwane.gov.za or visit ticketspace.co.za

Sacred Heart Festival for a single day or the whole weekend.

Open from 10am–4pm until 8 October at the Ticketpro Dome, Northriding. A day ticket is R120; a weekend ticket R300; free entry for children under 6 years old.

Contact: 011 704 2679, lauren@nag.co.za or rageexpo.co.za

Premiére of My Little Pony: The Movie The story centres on the ‘Mane 6’ characters – Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Rarity – who embark on a quest to use the magic of friendship and save their home. This animated film opens in cinemas nationwide. Book at numetro.co.za or sterkinekor.co.za

Sacred Heart College hosts this celebration of arts, music and entertainment for the whole family. There is an impressive lineup of talent from all areas of the school and the grand finale in the evening is with one of SA’s top performers. A variety of delicious food stalls take your tastebuds on a sensory journey. Take family, friends, picnic blankets and camper chairs. The day runs from 11am–10pm at 15 Eckstein Street, Observatory. Adults pay R140 (R180 on the day), and children under 6 years R60. Book through webtickets.co.za or contact Lynn at marketing@sacredheart.co.za

6 October

rAge – the really Awesome gaming expo

A Blooming Affair

South Africa’s biggest annual video gaming, computer, technology and geek culture exhibition offers three days of gaming, technology, gadgets and geek lifestyle entertainment. Buy new games and consoles, chat to local comic book artists, or take selfies with your favourite cosplayers. Here you can escape your reality

The Roedean School has a magnificent garden of botanical interest that ‘intertwines’ with the school’s 114-year history. This annual event includes a craft market, food stalls, tea and champagne gardens, and can be enjoyed by the whole family. Open from 9am–4pm, entry is R50.

Visit abloomingaffair.co.za

7 October

Family Yoga and Picnic for Charity Take part in free yoga for adults and children at the Beaulieu Bird Sanctuary, in support of the New Jerusalem Children’s Home.

There are two separate fun and relaxing yoga sessions, with the event running from 8:30am–11am. Take a picnic and enjoy the beautiful bird sanctuary afterwards. Entrance is one can of food as a donation. Yoga mats are not supplied. Contact: 082 907 6707 or pramodsonne@gmail.com

The DStv Delicious International Food & Music Festival The main ingredients of the festival include international and local artists on the main stage, international and local chefs in various pop-up restaurants and cooking theatres, channel activations, brand activations, an interactive children’s zone and SA’s biggest gourmet street-food market. Held at Kyalami Grand Prix Circuit from 12pm on 7 and 8 October, tickets cost R495–R2 100. Kids Zone tickets for children 3–13 are R250 per day. Visit deliciousfestival.com magazine joburg

PHOTOGRAPHS: ISTOCKPHOTO.com

30 September

6 October Premiére of My Little Pony: The Movie

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10 October

Post-Divorce Parenting Programme This course enables you and your ex to develop effective ways of communicating while helping you develop additional parenting skills to help your children adapt to the change. It is applicable before, during and after a divorce. It runs from 7pm–9pm, at 1 Cardigan Road, Parkwood, on 10, 17, 24 and 31 October. It costs R1 500 per person. Visit familylife.co.za 13 October

Snow White – The Ballet Inspired by the Brothers Grimm fairytale of a girl whose beauty drives an evil queen to vengeful acts, artistic director Iain MacDonald has choreographed a lyrical new full-length work for the Joburg Ballet company, with a score by the Russian composer Dmitri Shostakovich.

Show times are 7:30pm on 13, 14, 20 and 21 October, 3pm on 14, 15, 21 and 22 October and 11am on 17 and 18 October. The show runs at the Joburg Theatre, Braamfontein, and tickets cost R80–R450. Contact: 0861 670 670 or joburgtheatre.com

garden of Abigail Friedman at 9 Claire Crescent. Entrance is R30, children under 12 free. Contact Barbara: 072 234 4120

Evita This iconic musical comes to the South African stage. It charts the rags-to-riches rise of the First Lady of Argentina, who won the love of her countrymen after marrying military leader-turned-president Juan Peron. Performances are 8pm Tuesday– Saturday, 3pm Saturday and 2pm and 5:30pm Sunday, until 26 November, at The Teatro, Montecasino. Tickets cost R150– R500, available at computicket.com

18 October

27 October

Night of Stars

The Outdoor Eco Adventure and Travel Expo

This gala occasion includes an evening of canapés, desserts and stars of the Joburg Ballet, to help raise funds for the ballet company. Tickets are R500 and the evening begins at 7:30pm at the Joburg Theatre. Contact: 011 783 5887, bookings@edithunlimited.co.za or edgar@ joburgballet.com 19 October

Gardens of the Golden City Private gardens are opened to garden lovers on behalf of various charities. On 19–22 October, it is the much-anticipated annual opening of Beechwood Gardens in Hyde Park. There is also a market and al fresco lunch, details to be provided. Entrance is R50, children under 12 free. Contact Lynne: 082 689 0930 or beechwoodgardens.co.za

Alberton La Leche League Meeting This organisation provides information, encouragement and support to women who want to breastfeed their babies or who are currently breastfeeding through a unique mother-to-mother support network. These meetings are an opportunity to share and help other mothers with questions and concerns about breastfeeding and provide info for women with special circumstances. Meetings take place at 10am on 19 October and 16 November at Cresco Preschool and Aftercare, 8 Hennie Alberts, Brackenhurst. There is no entry fee. Contact: 011 867 1139 or info@ crescoschool.co.za

The Inanda Country Base in Kyalami hosts this family festival until 29 October. This is a true outdoor exhibition for the whole family, with a full array of 4x4s, caravans, tents, outdoor accessories and more. Book for your next holiday. Or just enjoy the picnic spots, fun activities, live entertainment, good food, craft beer, gin bar, champagne and oysters and more. Open from 1pm on Friday, and 9am Saturday and Sunday. Tickets are R35– R100. Visit outdoorexpo.co.za 28 October

Nitro Circus Live This global action sports phenomenon brings along an all-new show, filled with unbelievable world firsts, spectacular tricks and mind-blowing stunts. Adding to the excitement, action sports icon Travis Pastrana joins this summer’s tour, and will ride in South Africa for the first time. See the action at 8:30pm at the FNB Stadium. Tickets are R405–R2 050. Book at computicket.com

100 Year School Run Parkview Senior School (PVS) is celebrating its Centenary this year. Join this family fun run/walk to help raise money for a worthy cause. Breakfast, snacks and refreshments are on sale. Plus dress up according to the 100year theme and win great prizes. The event starts at 6am at PVS, cnr Dee & Donegal Road, Parkview. Entry is R50–R80. Contact: 011 646 1007, pta@parkviewsenior.co.za or parkviewsenior.co.za 21 October

Mindstretch Handle for Neurodevelopmental Disorders 14 October

Movie Night under the Moon

Otters Challenge 5km Lonehill Fun Run

Kloofendal Nature Reserve is transformed into an exciting spring outdoor cinema!

Take your friends and loved ones and enjoy a proudly South African movie as you savour mouth-watering treats and wines in a tranquil, relaxed setting. The event starts at 2pm at Kloofendal Nature Reserve. Tickets are R150–R600. Book at computicket.com

The annual family fun run starts and finishes at Lonehill Crawford College with registration starting at 2:30pm and the challenge beginning at 4pm. There are lots of fun prizes to be given away, and it is open to all ages at a cost of R60. Book online at webtickets.co.za or contact 082 560 1090, 011 465 9196 or Facebook: Lonehill Residents Association

Gardens of the Golden City Private gardens are opened to garden lovers on behalf of various charities. On 14 and 15 October see the multi-level, treed Northcliff

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The Reddford House Festival Reddford House in Northcliff presents a family-friendly music festival from 1pm.

Enjoy the music and food on offer, with family and friends. Tickets are R89. Book at webtickets.co.za

A two-day 12 CPD-point course to enhance your strategies for dealing with learning and behaviour challenges. The course runs until 22 October at The Learning Path School, 17th Avenue, Edenvale, and costs R2 650. Registration is from 8:30am. For info: mindstretch.co.za

Cloud 9 organised workshop Become a professional organiser: learn how to set up and run your own business, and get paid for your organising skills.

The workshop takes place at Midrand Conference Centre from 8:30am–4pm, and costs R2 500. Contact: 073 621 3316, heidi@cloud9organised.co.za or cloud9organised.co.za

29 October

Benoni Art Route Fourteen artists will be creating and displaying their works at their studios or public places such as restaurants and coffee shops in the Benoni area on the last Sunday of every month, from 10am–3pm. magazine joburg

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A map is available online or at any of the stops on the map. Travel the route on 29 October and 26 November. Contact: 084 581 6340, elaine@artalive.co.za or benoniartroute.co.za

4 November

Like2Bike

Cuppa for Cansa high tea

Give your child the gift of skill, confidence and a grounding in cycling safety with the Fundamentals MTB skills course. This clinic for 4–12 year olds aims to entrench safety, bicycle control and hopefully respect and appreciation for the bike they’re on. There’s also a MTB skills course for adult beginners that will provide valuable MTB skills. The day takes place at Northern Farm in Diepsloot from 8am–10am. It costs R275 for children and R450 for adults, only preentries allowed. Contact 083 326 6721, kirsty@like2bike.co.za or like2bike.co.za

Enjoy a fun-filled morning from 9am–11am at Jubilate Primary School in Crowthorne.

Tickets for this high tea cost R50 for adults and R20 for children under 12, and include live entertainment, refreshments and entrance to stalls on the day. Contact: 011 023 7020 or bursar@jubilateprimary.co.za

5 November

Centrum Kids Like2Bike fun cycling series event #6 Hope Hike & Hope Bike GP The Hope Hike and Hope Bike is held in October, World Mental Health Awareness Month, and is an annual initiative by the Ithemba Foundation. It aims to raise awareness about depression. By taking part you help raise funds for research into clinical depression and help break the silence. The event runs from 6:30am–3pm at Van Gaalens Cheese Farm. The entry fee is R40–R100 depending on your chosen event. Contact: 087 012 5044, entries@ iqela-events.co.za or iqela-events.co.za

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Gardens of the Golden City Private gardens are opened to garden lovers on behalf of various charities. On 4 and 5 November, Quondam Village in Bedfordview gives a pleasant garden surprise, combining the neat and meticulous with a friendly and welcoming English village atmosphere. Entrance is R50. Contact Pam: 083 496 4746

Children having fun on their bikes is what it’s all about! There’s a 2km, 5km, 10km and a duathlon option. For children 2–14 years.

The start is at 8am at The Big Red Barn, Corner Nelson and Glen Rd, Olifantsfontein.

Online pre-entry is R130, late entry on the day R140. Contact: 083 326 6721, kirsty@ like2bike.co.za or like2bike.co.za

company of this great musician. Concerts are at 8pm on 8 and 9 November at the Ticketpro Dome. Tickets cost from R450.

Book at computicket.com 10 November

Live – Reunion World Tour The multi-platinum international band has reunited for this tour, which sees them performing on 10 and 11 November at 8pm at Time Square’s Sun Arena. Tickets start at R495, available at computicket.com 11 November

Pinocchio 8 November

Yusuf / Cat Stevens The music of this legendary singer/ songwriter has established him as a timeless voice for all generations and concert-goers will enjoy celebrating five decades in the

The story tells of Geppetto’s son Pinocchio, a wooden puppet who is desperate to become a real boy. On his journey of discovery, he encounters a cat and a fox (who are definitely crooks), the Blue Fairy (who operates from a Wishing

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Star), Jiminy Cricket (who becomes Pinocchio’s conscience figure), as well as many other weird and wacky characters.

Performances are at various times at the Mandela Theatre at Joburg Theatre, until 30 December. Tickets are R235–R365.

Book at webtickets.co.za 17 November

Rocco’s X–Mas Piano Popular pianist Rocco de Villiers is back with a fun-filled, feel-good show packed with your favourite Christmas melodies.

The spectacular collection of carols and hymns include Silent Night, The First Noel, The Little Drummer Boy, White Christmas, Ave Maria – just to mention a few. The show takes place at Roodepoort Theatre at 8pm and tickets are R140. Book at webtickets.co.za

Rock of Ages Adults can enjoy this sing-along, dancingin-the-aisle party show with tons of humour, all supporting a charming love story. The South African premier of this Broadway musical is live at Gold Reef City’s Lyric Theatre until 10 December.

No under 14s allowed. Performances are at 8pm Monday-Friday, 3pm and 8pm Saturday and Sunday. Tickets are R160– R300; available at tsogosun.com/gold-reefcity-casino

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18 November

Advent Fair A family day with a focus on creative and stimulating children’s activities. Some of the crafts for children include metal forging, beading, candle dipping and carving, and biscuit decorating. A puppet show, storytelling, craft stalls, deli food, books and more are also on offer. Open from 10am–4pm at The Christian Community Church, 46 Dover Street, Randburg. Free entry. For more info: adventfair.co.za 24 November

Premiére of Coco In Disney•Pixar’s new animated film, Miguel dreams of becoming an accomplished musician like his idol, Ernesto de la Cruz. Desperate to prove his talent, Miguel finds himself in the stunning and colourful Land of the Dead

following a mysterious chain of events.

Opens in cinemas nationwide today. Book through numetro.co.za or sterkinekor.com

Academy is at 1 Vosloo Street, Randburg; The Preparatory school at 5 Vosloo Street, Randburg. Contact Louise: 011 431 0631

26 November

Dainfern College open day

Carols by Candlelight

An opportunity for parents and their children to meet the principals and tour the facilities.

The school caters to learners from Grade 0–12 and open days are on 5 October and 2 November, 9am–10am. Dainfern College is at 96 Broadacres Dr, Fourways. Contact: 011 469 0635, kdornan@dainferncollege. co.za or dainferncollege.co.za

The annual Lonehill Carols by Candlelight is a wonderful evening for family and friends.

There are also stage performers, children’s entertainment, a Christmas Market from 12pm, food vendors and a guest appearance from the jolly man in red. Gates open for the carols at 4pm. Tickets are R70. Book online at webtickets.co.za or contact 082 560 1090, 011 465 9196 or Facebook: Lonehill Residents Association 30 November

MamaMagic – The Baby Expo Find show specials, expert advice, children’s entertainment, prizes, nappy changing and breastfeeding facilities and more. Open from 9am at the TicketPro Dome until 3 December. Tickets are R85 for adults, or free entry for children under two. Visit mamamagic.co.za

Auckland Park Preparatory School open day Join this independent girls’ school in celebrating its 96th birthday with a flower festival and a tour of the school with their Grade 7 girls. APPS is for learners from Grades 0–7. The open day is from 10am–12pm on 6 October at 59 Twickenham Avenue, Auckland Park.

Contact: 011 482 3697 or apps.co.za

Open days Andrews Preparatory School and Andrews Academy open day Visit the Academy or the Prep school and find out what they have to offer. The open day is on 7 October from 10am–2pm. The

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Cresco Preschool and Aftercare open day

PLG Willow View Academy open days

Cresco Preschool offers learners from three months to Grade R individual attention with hands-on activities. The stimulating curriculum involves sensory-focused learning through play. Cresco Aftercare offers homework and study supervision, English and Afrikaans classes for Grades R–7. Extras include transport, Tina Cowley Reading Centre and extra lessons. Join them on 20 October between 6am–6pm, at 8 Hennie Alberts, Brackenhurst. Contact: 011 867 1139 or info@crescoschool.co.za

Join PLG Willow View Academy at its open days at 10am on 14 October, 28 October and 11 November. Meet the staff and tour the school. It offers affordable, quality private education. The school is at 31R First Road, Bredell, Kempton Park. Contact: 011 565 6600, willowview@plgschools.co.za or plgschools.co.za

Kairos School Info Talk Join Kairos School of Inquiry for the morning on 28 October from 9am to find out what they offer. The school is at 12 Sabie Road, Emmarentia. Visit kairosschool.co.za

PLG Mellow Oaks open day Take a tour of the beautiful PLG Mellow Oaks Academy in Ruimsig, Roodepoort.

They offer affordable private education from Grade RRR–10 (in 2017; Grade 11 in 2018).

The quality education is based on small class sizes (25 max) and talented educators.

On 4 November you can view the school from 10am–12pm, at 8 Van Staden Road, Aanwins AH, Roodepoort. Contact: 011 958 5176 / 082 074 9486, mellowoaks@ plgschools.co.za or plgschools.co.za

and enjoying entertainment for the whole family. Trading hours are 9am–4pm on 1 October and 5 November. Find the market at the Ngwenya Glass Village, off the R114 and Beyers Naude, Muldersdrift.

Contact: 082 497 6054 or 082 887 4263

Field Market Stroll beneath the trees through curated stalls that lure and inspire with local

handcrafted items. Then stay a while to enjoy a variety of gourmet food and beverages, live music and the warmth of the sun. There is a large play area for children and entertainment activities.

The market is held at 10am–3pm on 14 October and 11 November, on the corner of 14th St and Louise Ave, Parkmore.

Contact: thefieldmarket@gmail.com or fieldmarket.co.za

Teddy Bear Day Care open day View this beautiful new preschool and nursery situated opposite Bryandale school, 21 Stirling Road, Bryanston. Viewings are from 9am–2pm, 2–6 October. Contact Daniella: 082 464 4239

The Little Ashford Preschool Senderwood open day This is a morning filled with educational and fun activities for the little ones, while parents view the premises and offerings at the school. It runs from 9am–3pm at 1 St Andrews Avenue, Senderwood. Contact: 011 568 1302, lindiel@littleashford.co.za or littleashford.co.za

Markets Ngwenya Country Market Spend a lovely spring day in the Muldersdrift countryside doing your weekly shopping, sampling delicious food

in the next issue december / january is our

happy holidays issue food, glorious food

keep the holidays happy

parenting experts Meg Faure and Kath Megaw help explain your child’s cues so that weaning becomes a happy, interactive process

practical coping strategies for separated parents and blended families

an interview with the much-loved children’s author about her brand-new, safari-inspired book

why rituals make for a more rewarding family life

sibling rivalry what to do when it’s not all fun and games

with a spotlight on back to school off to a good start - from extra mural advice

to stress-free mornings, five experts share their tips for the new academic year

et tre

on s

julia donaldson exclusive

better together

23

November

To advertise call: 0861 867 885 or email: jhbsales@childmag.co.za | Booking deadline: 7 November | Material deadline: 9 November 46

October/November 2017

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Holiday programmes Safari Holiday Camp in the bush Switch off, shut down and go outside. This is a four–day holiday camp where your child can digitally disconnect.

Children will enjoy daily game viewing, arts and crafts, team activities and outdoor adventures, in a safe and secure environment with Christian values. The camp runs from 4–8 October between Rustenburg and Koster. All meals, activities and accommodation included in the cost of R3 500 for the first child; second child 50% discount.

Contact: imaginations.shakers@gmail. com or imaginationshaker.co.za

Fashion Holiday Classes for Tweens and Teens Children 12 years old to matric can join these classes on 20, 21 and 23 October. Classes are held at Studio 05 Institute of Fashion, 75 De Korte Street, Braamfontein. Contact for costs and times: 011 339 1560 or studio05.co.za

Holiday Club Fun and exciting activities keep your little ones busy during the holiday. The club runs from 2–6 October, 6:30am–5:30pm at Cresco Preschool and Aftercare, 8 Hennie Alberts, Brackenhurst.

For a full day the cost is R200, and a half day is R150.

Contact: 011 867 1139 or info@ crescoschool.co.za

Holiday Pony Camp Enjoy three fun-filled days with ponies and friends! The camp runs from 3–5 October at Chartwell Stables, 112 Runnymead Avenue, and costs R1 400. Contact: 073 952 8572 or cstables@netactive.co.za

ITA Holiday Tennis Clinic Half-day and full-day tennis clinics for the Sharapovas and Djokovics of the future.

Indoor activities will be held in the event of rain. The clinic is for children 3–16 years old from 2–6 October at 8:30am–1:30pm.

The venue is Lonehill Crawford Preparatory School, Sceales Rd, Lonehill and the cost is R330–R990. Contact 083 443 3391, info@ itatennis.co.za or itatennis.co.za

pony interaction, with a minimum of two rides per day, plus lots of other fun activities. A gymkhana show and prizegiving wraps up the camp. Beginners are welcome and always ride assisted. Times are Monday–Wednesday 9am–4:30pm and Thursday 9am–12pm, at Inchanga Stables, 124b Runnymead Ave, Chartwell. It costs R1 300. Contact Leonie: 083 925 1975 or inchanga@gmail.com

Sizzling Summer Pony Camp Pony Camp From 2–5 October, children 5–15 years old can enjoy three-and-a-half days of magazine joburg

Join this fabulous five-day pony camp, where there is lots of fun to be had by all.

Ride twice a day, go on trail rides, enjoy arts

and crafts, learn how to care for ponies, enjoy swimming in an indoor heated pool and more. For children 6–14 years old. The camp runs from 2–6 October, 8am–5pm, at Shepherd’s Fold Stables. Pay R300 per day, plus R50 a night to sleep over. Contact: 084 220 2657, belinda.milsom@gmail.com or shepherdsfoldstables.co.za

Spring at Olivedale Library – a holiday programme for children Celebrate spring! Children 2–10 years old can enjoy a story reading by a professional story teller, followed by craft activities. The free programme is on 5 October, 10am–11am

at Olivedale Public Library in President Fouche Dr. Contact Gwyneth Perry on 011 462 6296

Wizards and Witches Camp Children 7–16 years old can have a week filled with wizard slime, dancing unicorn milk and magic mud potions. Dress up in your witch or wizard outfits and practise your face painting and other creative skills.

No previous magical experience required.

The camp takes place at 3 Junction Ave, Parktown, from 9am–12pm on 3–6 October and costs R1 400. Contact: 011 484 1584 or bookings@nctt.org.za October/November 2017

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family market

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finishing touch

the show must go on Children’s concerts tend to provide an equal dose of anxiety and

t

Conor, Erin and Anél

he best thing about children’s concerts is that you actually get two shows for the price of one. Every performance is in fact a double billing, and there’s almost always a surprise element thrown in. Last year, I received a note from the school informing me that Conor was going to be a king in the end-of-year concert and he needed green tights. Besides the fact that finding green tights for my 32kg son in the middle of summer was as much fun as looking for that little end piece on a roll of Sellotape, he was emphatic that he would not be taking part in any activity that involved a stage, an audience, or green tights.

The day of the performance dawned and, being the eternal optimists that we are, my husband, Craig, and I packed the picnic basket (and the green tights) in case Conor decided to perform. Once we had sent him to his

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classroom, with tights in hand, we settled on a spot near the back where we would not be too much of a distraction for our reluctant ‘king’.

The music started, and two sovereigns, resplendent in purple and red, made their way across the stage. Of course, Conor was nowhere to be seen. I had almost given up on my little thespian when a flash of green caught my eye. And there he was, my mini-monarch, striding purposefully across the stage. I would have been happy enough with that performance. I mean, it’s not every day that you get to see your son on stage wearing his sister’s best friend’s green Woolies leggings. But then Conor launched into his second performance of the night – involving energetic leg kicks that resembled a mix of Axl Rose from Guns ‘n Roses and Johnny Clegg. I have never seen such a spirited rendition of the air guitar before. For all his earlier moaning, Conor loved every minute of his three minutes in the limelight. (And he eventually joined the other kings to hand over his gift, as per the script.)

A similar thing happened a few months ago when Conor was billed as one of the ‘men’ in his school concert.

Again, the costume he had to wear seemed to be a source

of much consternation. He was supposed to be in a pair of jeans. But Conor, who is happiest barefoot and wearing shorts, was not interested in donning anything denim.

I really thought that this time, he would opt instead to give the show a miss. But, as the music started, I was most bemused to see my son appear from stage left, defiant in jeans that had deliberately been put on inside out. It was his own act of defiance, almost as if to say: “Fine, you want me in jeans? Then I’m wearing them my way.”

But, despite all the shenanigans, mishaps and costume malfunctions, there’s something incredibly endearing about seeing your child on stage. For all his recalcitrance ahead of a performance, Conor actually enjoys being part of the show with his friends; and his face when the audience applauds at the end makes all the costume changes and tears worthwhile. And, to be quite honest, we secretly look forward to the double-bill performances with that something extra thrown in for laughs.

Anél Lewis has invested in a few pairs of extra-large tights in several colours, so that she can start preparing Conor for his next show ahead of time.

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PHOTOGRAPH: craig lewis

amusement – for both the child and the parent, says ANÉL LEWIS.