Child of the Universe Conscious Lifestyle magazine

STRESS FREE PARENTING

Up in Smoke! Time to Quit

How to Make Love Last Forever

Your Child’s Hands Secrets Revealed

VINCENT Is there life after losing a child?

A Circle of Sun I am dancing I am leaping I gallop I grin I giggle I shout I am Earth’s many colours I am morning and night I am honey on toast I am funny I am bright I am swimming I am singing I wiggle I run I am a piece of the sky In a circle of sun Rebecca Kai Dotlich

11th

EDITION – WINTER’S END 2014

CONTENTS VINCENT Is there life after losing a child?

Grief, Loss and Recovery HOLISTIC HEALING Reiki and Theta healing Kahuna Massage CELEBRATING WOMAN! Finding the feminine Goddess within How to make Love Last Forever YOUR CHILD’S HANDS Secrets revealed STRESS FREE PARENTING Some Golden Rules Is your daughter in an abusive relationship?

SMOKER’S ANONYMOUS When Quitting is a Good Thing PROCRASTINATOR Read this tomorrow!

TEAM CARMEN CHE JARDIM – The Boss VINCENT JARDIM – My Son, Carmen’s Dad - The Motivator LINDA JARDIM NAVON – Editor ‘n All HILDA DE LA ROSA – Features Editor CJ STOTT MATTICKS – Advertising Sales ARIZONA QUINN – Writer, Researcher & Admin COVER VINCENT EDWARD JARDIM 9 July 1985 – 17 July 2011

EDITORS LETTER Hello all you Children of the Universe I hope you are all well and starting to feel the zing of Spring in the air!

The birds are chirping at 4am now – I know as I am often still in front of my computer at that time. Ah! The beauty of working for yourself.

I am very excited and happy to welcome Hilda de la Rosa to the Child of the Universe Team.

She has taken over the role of Features and Content Management, and will be dotting the ‘i’s and crossing the t’s’ - her attention to detail is extra-ordinary. Yay for Hilda and all the experience she brings to us from her Namaste Magazine.

The ‘Twin’ mags are thriving, and it’s up to you which edition you choose to read. The difference being that the ‘Living a Conscious Lifestyle’ edition does not include the Montessori section.

This edition is special in that we have just celebrated what would have been, my son Vincent’s 29th birthday. Hilda interviewed me about how I have coped after losing a child. Many tears and many hours of hard work have gone into this magazine, and over the months, plenty of joy as well.

In future editions we will be exploring the many healing modalities highlighting healthy eating and where to get your vegan and gluten free products – plus much much more.

Next edition we will be interviewing Nianell, South Africa’s own Celine Dion, and a qualified Theta practitioner.

Keep shining brightly Namaste

Linda www.childoftheuniverse.co.za

CONTRIBUTORS WHO BEAUTIFY OUR MAGAZINE Jacquelyn Price owns and manages the Blue Moon Montessori school in the southern suburbs of Cape Town, which is growing year by year as the children grow. She teaches in the three to six environments, trains young adults, as well as volunteers her time in heading up the South African Montessori Association.

Margi McAlpine is an experienced Spiritual Workshop Facilitator, Principal and Founder of The Angel Connection School of Africa, Master Teacher, Reiki Master, Spiritual Counsellor, Angel Card Reader, Egyptian Healing Practitioner and Past Life Regression Practitioner.

Jennifer Hirsch is a Johannesburg based chirologist, Zen Coach and mosaic artist. Jen is an ambassador for the ancient craft, having pioneered chirology in South Africa since 1991 when she first founded the Chirology S.A. Centre for the Study of Hand Reading.

Susan Schรถning is multi-talented. Author, Public Speaker, Holistic Counselling, Master Numerologist, NLP Master Practitioner, Intuitive Sessions, Metaphysical and Meditation Teacher.

Dr. Sonia Murray is a Metaphysical Life Coach, who specialises in birth education and parenting support. Her career has spanned animation, marketing, managing a non-profit organisation, and most recently, raising her beautiful daughter. Her passion is to inspire people to live a natural life, raise healthy children and look after our world.

Anthea Hardwick shares individual Kahuna massage sessions in Johannesburg. She has been teaching and sharing transformational Kahuna retreats for the past 14 years.

Vincent – Is There Life After Losing a Child?

Vincent was the heart and soul of a party, always happy and laughing and loved by everyone. His flame burned so hot, but it burned for such a short time. “You will be missed; Vincent and we will never forget you.” Linda Navon bravely shares her story of courage and hope with us.

I heard my phone beep a message in the night. I think it was around 04h30. I reckoned that it was Vincent and Christy getting home as I had asked them to text me when they got in. So I went back into a peaceful sleep without reading the message. When I woke the next morning, I saw that it was a ‘please call me’ from Christy, Vincent’s wife.

Vincent had not arrived home after they left the club which they had gone to after Candida’s birthday party. They had travelled in separate cars and Vincent took his own route but never got home. Candida’s 30th birthday party was a themed ‘Down the Rabbit Hole’, everyone dressed up and all the guys went as Mad Hatters.

Very soon after we woke up, my daughter, Candida and I started phoning around to try find Vincent. We checked hospitals, police stations and the morgues, which were closed on a Sunday. I was supposed to be going off to do my 67 minutes for Mandela Day (it fell on a Sunday that year) but that very quickly went out the window. I popped a few messages on facebook to the effect that Vincent is AWOL, and asked if anyone had perhaps allowed Vincent to cool off on their couches. His friends started to phone and the worry increased. This date was Sunday, 17 July 2011 and it is indelible in my mind. My brother was also on his phone trying to locate Vincent. It seemed everyone was on the hunt for him. I secretly hoped that Vincent was just having a moment and that he had gone to a friend’s house.

No-one on Face book knew where he was either.

At this stage, the whole family was together, since we had organised a braai at the house to further celebrate Candida’s birthday. Her family from Cape Town were visiting with us. I knew something was very wrong. As I sat there phoning, the thought crossed my mind that if something had happened to Vincent, then at least the whole family would be together for strength.

(THIS IS THE LAST PHOTO TAKEN OF VINCENT AND I TOGETHER – JUST HOURS BEFORE HIS ACCIDENT) Just after lunch time I popped over to the Spar to get some supplies for the braai, and standing there in the store I felt sick and knew I couldn’t eat anything. I left. A couple of minutes later I got a call from my friends daughter, Megan, who had answered her mother’s phone and told us that she had taken a call from a policeman who told her that Vincent had ‘passed’ that morning. Meggie didn’t really know what was going on and it took a while to get the police officer’s number out of her. Once we had him on the line I handed the phone over to the chef in the restaurant that my partner was running, so that he could get all the details. But I knew… and when Takalani started writing down ‘Hillbrow Morgue’ all hell broke loose. The bottom fell out of my world and the next few weeks dragged by in a blur.

Vincent, our fun loving risk taker was gone. I would never hear him laugh again, or crack a silly joke or do anything that would make us laugh. I had to phone home and tell my brother-in-law to tell the girls that Vincent is dead, and asked him if we could we use his 4x4 to go into Hillbrow to the morgue. I then called Vincent’s father, Eddy, and let him know – I have never heard such a broken man’s crying before.

At his point in time it seemed that everyone was in a complete state, Candida and Christy were hysterical. I tried to bring calm to a very emotional situation. I seemed to function in slow-motion on autopilot. I don't even clearly remember who I called, or what I said.

I finally lost it after I had spoken to my brother and told him that Vincent was in the morgue. Leighton, my partner, took me home. Since it was a Sunday, the morgue was closed and we would not have been able to get confirmation of Vincent’s death until the following morning. But we needed to know for sure and wanted the body identified, although I just knew it was Vincent. My brother, who does not take no for and answer, insisted that the guys should go to the morgue and see for themselves. So Robert, Leighton and Sheldon, my brother-in-law, went off to the morgue in Hillbrow where they managed to be let in just to make sure it was Vincent. The formal identification was done on the Monday, also by my brother. He advised us not to see Vincent’s body.

I remember the chaotic feelings and emotional denials. How could this happen? What happened, when did it happen? I wanted to know every detail.

Later that evening Eddy and his wife came to our family home. I remember being in an almost dreamlike stupor and trying to console everyone while my inner world was falling apart. I was falling deeper and deeper into a void that made no sense, totally unreal, unbelievable. I went into ‘freeze mode’ and have stayed that way for the past 3 years.

At some point, someone had gone to the chemist, to get some sedatives for us.

Christy, Vincent’s young wife, was in a complete state. She had shared with us a few hours before that she thought she was pregnant - although this was not confirmed at this stage.

When my brother arrived back from the morgue, they had collected Vincent’s belongings. We found out that Vincent had had an accident on the motorway on his way home from Candida’s birthday party. Apparently he had hit a car that had already been in an accident. According to the police Vincent died on impact. My brother handed me Vincent’s few belongings, including the outfit he had worn to Candida’s themed birthday party. We found out that the accident had occurred at around 04H17 on the morning of 17 July. At the same time as the accident was happening, Nikita, my 3 year old niece, sat up in her bed, vomited, turned over and went back to sleep. It was only later that we had put the two incidents together. She is a very sensitive and perceptive child and can always tell when something is not okay with people.

Vincent’s funeral was large. There were so many people. Eddy was in charge of who carried Vincent into the church and out again – there were men from both sides of the family. I was told later that I didn’t cry during the funeral, just carried on with the motions. I had sunk below the surface of human feelings. I was not even in a position to think what impact this would have on Vincent’s sister, Candida. I knew she was suffering as much as I was, but it seemed that my heart was just too full of sadness to be able to offer her any real comfort. Candida and Vincent had enjoyed a very close relationship and he often turned to her when he was in trouble. They played in the band together and moved in the same circle of friends. She is missing Vincent more than we know. She is a strong power-girl, someone we all go to when we need advice or just to laugh. She is especially missing her almost daily interactions with her brother.

On the Monday after the funeral, I went back to work. Actually I did not go to work at all. My body just showed up there. I was numb. I could not process that the world just kept on turning and life just seemed to be continuing at its own relentless pace. There seemed to be no tomorrows for me. There was only pain, sadness and a hollow feeling inside me that nothing could fill.

I don’t remember all the people who called or visited to pay their respects, but I do recall thanking them and saying that there are just ‘no words’ but the gestures were appreciated. Three years later…There are still no words. No words that could comfort, or alleviate what I am feeling. I have a massive emptiness inside of me – a big void.

(This was Vincent’s corner in the garden, the quiet space where we all added something to decorate the space. My little nieces hung their necklaces on the tree.

It was a peaceful retreat, especially at night, alight with lanterns and candles.

I resigned my job, since there was nothing I could do there; I don’t even think I cleared out my personal belongings.

As the days went by, I was barely able to put one foot in front of the other. Then the news that Christy was indeed pregnant hit home – we had confirmation of Christy’s pregnancy two days after Vincent’s death. And a spark of hope ignited in my soul - a spark that said that there may be a reason to get up in the morning. I little piece of Vincent – perhaps come to fill the void. That saved me. It gave me a reason – a reason to get up in the morning. A little bit of Vincent’s spirit in his unborn child gave me hope. A little something that I could take care of and love.

At some point I had the overwhelming need to find out what Vincent was listening to on his last journey on this planet. Everyone around me thought I had gone crazy. Leighton took me to Vincent’s car. There was so much broken glass. I just remember all the glass – shattered, like my life. I found a lone beer glass. The only piece of glass that was unbroken. I took part of the steering wheel home. I thought that perhaps this was the part that had impacted Vincent when he crashed.

We used a crowbar to pry the radio out of the dashboard and once it was out I retrieved a CD - the last sounds that my beloved son heard. I found two of Vincent’s teeth, Christy’s ring and other bits and pieces. I was gathering the last pieces of my son’s life, including his entire CD collection, most of which I still have.

I have kept the clothes that Vincent wore on his last journey – his shorts, the long pants and the army socks. His shoes never made it back from the mortuary, same as the jewellery around his wrist. The shirt was full of blood, and after trying to wash it out it was so faded that we dried it, and one evening we all sat around the fire and burned his shirt. Passing bits around the fire and wishing Vincent all the best.

The bloody water from his shirt was ceremonially poured on the ground in a special place in the garden. That became Vincent’s corner – a quiet space that we could all go to and feel a little closer to him. We decorated the area with flowers, beads from the kids, glitter on the ground and many little precious things. Most of us went there everyday. It was just outside my bedroom so I felt some comfort, plus I had collected his ashes and they are still always close by.

Vincent had taught himself to play the guitar at a very young age. He was good at it and become an accomplished and versatile guitarist. This was his passion - his music and his collection of guitars. Candida is a singer and Vincent used to play lead guitar in her band called ‘Child of Ash’. After he died I took his Ovation guitar, which I watched and listened to him playing for many, many hours. Candida has the Studio guitar, Christy has an electric guitar and the amp, and one and his dear friends, Ryan, has one, which he had framed and is hanging on his wall at home – forever reminding him of our Vincent.

Christy spent most of her pregnancy with her parents in Carmen Ché is our little Mozambique, but returned to South Africa to get ready for the angel, she is a miracle, sent birth. So many people had rallied around to help her prepare for the arrival of her and Vincent’s baby. She was pretty much set up to bless us with her chirpy with everything before Carmen Ché duly arrived – a little early – in humour and all her love a hurry, just like her daddy. I was in the theatre for the birth and what an honour that was to cut the cord and hand Vincent’s daughter to her Mommy. This was definitely one of the most overwhelming moments of my life and I am thankful that I was blessed with the opportunity to be there when my son’s daughter came into this world. I will never ever forget that feeling – a feeling of hope and connection. Unforgettable it was.

After Carmen’s birth, it was time for re-evaluation. What would I do with my life? What could I do to honour my journey? I knew that I could never again work for someone else. I needed to dance to the rhythm of my own drum. I took stock of what I knew and wondered how I could use that knowledge to create a business for myself. Child of the Universe was conceived. I was planning on studying to be a Montessori teacher so I combined my own interest in Montessori with my skills in digital marketing and this edition of Child of the Universe is the 11th edition.

Vincent had been a Montessori student and I witnessed how the “Montessorians’ brought out the best in him. I liked their philosophy and approached the then CEO, Sharon Caldwell, to find out if the Montessori Association of SA (SAMA) had an official Montessori magazine. She loved the idea and immediately gave me her full co-operation and support. The name was inspired by a song of Barkley James – Child of the Universe, which you can click and listen to on the website. Child of the Universe is dedicated to the memory of Vincent and our real CEO is little Carmen Ché, who has been featured on the covers and often provides interesting images for the articles. She motivates me to be the best I can possibly be and to produce a magazine that will inspire and encourage the teachers at Montessori and the Montessori moms and dads. A magazine that will make a difference in people’s lives. A magazine that supports living a conscious, healthy lifestyle and this includes integrity on all levels. Being associated with Montessori South Africa has certainly opened some doors for Child of the Universe. I published the first edition in September 2012.

Child of the Universe will continue to grow, encourage and inspire people to be better parents and be happier healthier, more earth-conscious readers.

I am now beginning to learn to cope again. It has been three years since Vincent’s untimely death. I get up in the morning knowing that I have to make ends meet. I work for a great boss – she is not very demanding, unless she wants her bottle. I don’t think she knows that she owns a magazine. Carmen Ché keeps me ‘here’ and focussed. She gives me a reason to carry on. Her happiness is my focus.

From birth she has been a very placid, happy baby and is a little ball of activity at the age of 2 years. I want to be in a position to make her life very easy and happy. Ideally, I need to be living close to her in Durban, but my daughter is here in Joburg and unless she chooses to go to Durban as well, I will not leave Candida behind even if she is 33 years old! She is my rock, and my best friend.

My future is connected to Carmen’s, and that is how it should be. I want to be available to both Christy and Carmen, to help where I can financially and be a part of Carmen’s childhood years. Christy has been to hell and back, she is young and still has the guts to fight for what she wants.

I have 3 girls in my life – all Cj’s: Candida Julia, Christy Jardim and of course Carmen Jardim. Together we will pull through, its not always easy but we are a family.

Some days I see a glimmer of peace, but there are not that many – it seems as if there is a constant brick in my stomach I don’t think that will go away – perhaps it will get lighter as the years go by. I do believe in a higher power and I know that Vincent’s spirit is always near. I know he is safe and happy where he is now, and that we will meet again.

The hardest thing to cope with is that he’s never gonna walk through that door again with that big, naughty grin on his face and asking for petrol money - as usual. That boy had me wrapped tightly around his little finger!

Vincent lived on the edge. He was always game for an adventure and didn’t want to miss out on anything. He liked people and they were drawn to him in return. His whole life was lived to the maximum. He was fearless. Trouble seemed to find him, even when he was laughing in its face. Flames that burn so hot never seem to burn for very long... He did some silly things.

We tell Carmen about her Dad all the time. We don’t hold back. She knows her daddy is in heaven. We share our special moments with her and show her pictures and videos of her dad. On one particular day she pointed to a car that looked exactly like Vincent’s and said, “Daddy’s car”. We don't really know where she got that from. We don’t question it.

What gives me a sense of equilibrium is knowing that I have a mission. I have a great deal I still have to achieve.

Making Child of the Universe a magical magazine is one of them. I also know that this magazine can be produced anywhere in the world, which brings me freedom to be with little Carmen, no matter where she goes. I have a path that I follow, and I need to go where I aspire to be - I aspire to be completely self sufficient and self supporting. I’d like to get involved in doing some voluntary work, like teaching kids in Vietnam.

My advice to parents who are going through this pain is to try to avoid taking any medication to “help you cope”. All this does is defer or mask the pain and makes you dependent. Sooner or later you will have to feel it. Take your time.

Get over this at your own pace. There is no-one who can explain to you how long this should take. And there is no particular order that you need to follow. Mourning the death of a child is the most difficult thing to face. Be kind and gentle to yourself. And if you need help – there is so much available out there – reach out and find someone you would like to work things through with. Call us, we can recommend a whole whack of people as well as discuss the various healing modalities.

There is life after losing a loved one, I have come to terms with it and am focussing on looking forward, though still cherishing all the memories of Vincent.

Loss, Grief and Recovery Grief is a natural human response to loss. It’s the emotional suffering we feel when something or someone we love is taken away. The more significant the loss, the more intense the grief.

We might experience deep sadness, confusion, anger, guilt, fear; in fact many will go through a ‘rollercoaster’ of different (and sometimes conflicting) emotions.

By Astro Zack-Dishon Either from your own personal experience, or from encountering bereaved or grieving people, you probably aware of how unequipped we are to deal with the conflicting mass of emotions we call grief. In fact, we are far better prepared to deal with minor accidents than we are to deal with grief. We receive more education about simple first aid than we do about death, divorce, and other emotional losses.

Loss is inevitable. Sometimes loss is even predictable. In spite of these truths, we receive no formal training in how to respond to events that are guaranteed to happen and sure to cause us pain and disruption. We are even advised not to learn about dealing with loss - or at the very least, not to talk about it. “What’s done is done.” “You have to move on.” “Don’t burden others with your feelings.” The list goes on and on.

In our formative years, an overwhelming emphasis is placed on learning how to acquire things in order to make life successful and happy.

While we have learned much about acquiring things, we have precious little accurate information on what to do when we lose them.

We are creatures of habits, so the crucial step is to develop some helpful habits for dealing and recovering from grief. First, in order to develop a new habit, you must become aware of the need to have a new habit. Second, you must learn the component parts or skills necessary to build the habit. In the case of grief, this means identifying the ideas that do not work and replacing them with ideas that do. Then, you must practice those new ideas so that you can turn them into habits.

So what do I mean by ‘Recovering from grief’?

Recovery means “discovering and completing” what was unfinished for you in your unique relationship.

Grieving people want and need to be heard, not fixed. To a certain degree, effective grief recovery is about being heard.

Unresolved grief is always about undelivered emotional communications that accrue within a relationship over the course of time.

Society literally teaches us to act recovered. Understanding this aspect of grief is enormously important. A false image of recovery is the most common obstacle all grievers must overcome if they expect to move beyond their loss. (“I’m fine,” or, “Put on your happy face,” or, “Be fine for my family and friends,” or, “I want to help others.”)

It’s almost impossible to complete the pain caused by death, divorce, or other significant emotional loss without looking at everything about the relationship, not just the positive.

Unresolved grief consumes tremendous amounts of energy. Most commonly, the grief stays buried under the surface, and only the symptoms are treated. It is reasonable to suggest that human energy is used most efficiently when our minds and bodies are in harmony. Unresolved grief tends to separate us from ourselves and holding on to incomplete emotions consumes enormous amounts of energy.

We pay a high price for the incorrect information we have about dealing with loss. Each time a loss is not properly concluded, there is cumulative restriction on our aliveness. Life becomes something to endure; the world seems like

a hostile place in which to live. Because of misinformation, we never had a fair chance to deal effectively with the loss events in our lives.

We must always remind ourselves that grief is the normal and natural response to loss. Grief is a human response that lets us know that for the moment, things are different than they were before the loss.

Grief Recovery Recovery from loss is achieved by a series of small and correct choices made by the griever.

Acknowledging that a problem exists.

Acknowledging that the problem is associated with loss.

Willingness to take action to complete your grief.

What causes my grief? The loss, or my reaction to the loss?

The answer is both. While we cannot undo what has happened, we can do something about our reaction. We can acquire skills to help us complete our relationship to the pain, disappointment, frustration, and heartache caused by what has happened.

To resolve an emotionally incomplete loss, you must complete it. Completing does not mean that you will forget your loved one. What we are completing is our relationship to the pain caused by the loss. The essence of recovery is contained in the premise of being totally honest about ourselves in relation to others.

So, when is it time to begin to Recover?

For many this is one of the most difficult questions to answer. Am I ready to begin my recovery?

The anxiety this question presents is usually because of the misconception that recovery means forgetting and moving away from your loved one who has died.

Ask yourself this: If you fell and broke your leg would you seek medical attention immediately? I am sure that you answered, “Yes”. When circumstances and events conspire to break our hearts, don’t we owe it to ourselves to get help immediately?

By recovery we don’t mean forgetting, but being able to recall memories without having them precipitate painful feelings of regret or remorse. Recovery is about acknowledging the loss, learning skills to find a suitable place for it, whilst regaining your vitality, and finding new meaning for living.

With the knowledge and freedom brought about by completing your recovery, comes the additional benefit of allowing yourself to love as totally as possible.

Obviously, recovering from a significant emotional loss is not an easy task. Taking the actions that lead to recovery will require your attention, open-mindedness, willingness, and courage.

It is never too soon or too late to address your grief.

ASTRO ZACK-DISHON I was born in Argentina, grew up in Israel and made South Africa my home 24 years ago.

My path to becoming a Bereavement Recovery specialist and a Life Coach started 12 years ago when I joined Hospice as a counsellor and facilitator. As a Recovery Life Coach, I focus on the here and now, building on my client’s current strengths to address challenges, trauma and loss situations in their lives.

Cell: 082 892 8940 astro@bluekites.co.za www.bluekites.co.za

Self Awareness Course -

A journey of discovery into the heart of your own soul.



“The Self-Awareness Course is a journey of discovery into the heart of your own soul.

We create a safe and sacred space, which allows you to release and let go of old trapped pain and therefore make space for new joyous experiences in life.

Most of us have lost our belief in ourselves. We feel life has no purpose and meaning.

The Self-awareness course helps us to reconnect with who we are, what we want and what we need from life.

Through the process of releasing old hurts, we are able to reclaim our personal power and become active participants in our lives.

The course consists of two and a half days, and provides you with practical tools to enable you to continue the process of self-empowerment and self-discovery.”

Self-awareness is an investment in “Yourself”. It is a gift to yourself that no one can ever give you or ever take away.”

Costs: R2000.00 includes Course, Accommodation & Meals Courses elsewhere is R1500.00 and excl. Lunches - Refreshments will be served The course is held at the Amazing Grace Centre of Awareness - Magaliesburg The Course starts on a Friday afternoon 18H00 yet you can book in any time from 16h00 and the Course ends at 16h00 on the Sunday.

Marisa Wollheim – 076 649 3989 Trainer Fax: 0866 66 44 89 or E-mail: marisa.dfw@gmail.com

Self-Awareness Dates 2014 @ Amazing Grace Centre 22- 24 th August 5-7 September 10-12 October 31 Oct, 1-2 November 5-7 Dec

Most of us have lost our belief in ourselves. We feel life has no purpose and meaning.

KIDS ACTIVITY KID’S FIRST MANDALAS

by Johannes Rosengarten Description Balls with swirls, an elaborate sun, a circle filled with stars within stars, a simple spider web--these pretty mandalas are just made to order for preschoolers. Each attractive pattern will capture their attention, stimulate their imaginations as they carefully pick the most appealing colors, and give them (and their parents) hours of peaceful pleasure.

Order Online CLICK HERE

OUTSIDE THE LINES: AN ARTISTS’ COLOURING BOOK FOR GIANT IMAGINATIONS Compiled by Souris Hong-Porretta Description For anyone who loves creativity and contemporary art, or who simply loves the joy of colouring, comes Outside The Lines, a striking collection of illustrations from more than 100 creative masterminds.

Order Onlline CLICK HERE

FELT FANTASTIC: OVER 25 BRILLIANT THINGS TO MAKE WITH WOOL FELT By (author) Sarah Tremelling, Other primary creator Morven Jones Description There are projects for every age, theme and occasion, from jewellery and kid's toys to home accessories and decorations.

Order Online CLICK HERE

Stress Free Parenting There is a Chinese proverb that says: “Govern a family as you would cook a small fish – very gently.” This is advice that makes perfect sense but is not always easy to achieve.

By Sonia Murray

As a single, working mother to a young daughter, I know the challenges that come with trying to create a calm and peaceful home, while navigating the daily difficulties of raising a mini human being.

I’ve learnt that in order to achieve that spider web thin balance between fostering free will and maintaining boundaries with your child, there are a few key rules, which should be followed in order to keep sanity and a happy home:

Live as Naturally as possible Children are designed to explore their world through their bodies. When we subdue this natural urge by

allowing them to watch too much TV, staying in doors for too long, or flooding their bodies with sugar – we are setting ourselves up for a fight, and a big one at that.

Children, no matter their age, are still navigating and learning about their own emotions and thoughts.

These often confusing and sometimes overwhelming processes need to have an outlet and if they do not, children quickly spiral into the proverbial meltdown that every parent dreads.

It is never too late to implement these daily rhythms into your family life. Yes, there may be a fight when you drop the “only 30 minutes of TV a day” bomb, but it will only last a few days and soon everyone in your home won’t remember the days endlessly lost behind a static screen.

The Live Naturally rule not only applies to how we experience life through our bodies by running and jumping and feeling, but also by what we put into them.

In my house we live by the 80/20 rule. 80% of the time we eat perfectly – this means watered down juice, fruit and vegetables, good quality protein and healthy snacks like nuts and berries. The rest of the 20% is allocated to the yummy stuff like sweets and ice cream and cake. But to be honest (and please don’t tell my daughter), I cheat on the sweetie stuff. Her idea of ice cream is frozen yoghurt, her icelollies are made from the fresh vegetable juice I’ve frozen into popsicles, and when baking, I use alternative flours like chickpea and coconut.

I have a box of outside toys and a swing in the garden. I have buckets and spades because, lets be honest, making mud pies is just awesome. I want my daughter to get dirty, I want her to dig her hands into soil and collect leaves. I want her to let her imagination fly through her body and the world around her. I have a shelf in her cupboard where all her cheap clothes are kept so that I don’t ever become a mother who stops my kid having the best childhood she can because I’m worried her Earth Child clothing will get ruined.

Don’t forget to be real: Drop the rules sometimes.

On a cold Sunday morning bake a huge chocolate cake, put on a movie and snuggle with those you love more than anything else in the world. Get your fingers sticky, stay in your pyjamas the whole day and enjoy the luxuries of modern life.

Routine, Routine, Routine Our entire universe is governed by regularity. Night follows day, sleep follows wakefulness, what goes up must come down. Children are especially in need of a predictable routine that creates safety and structure for them.

When there is a predictable and regular routine to each day, children are able to exercise their free will and imagination within those boundaries, that doesn’t interfere with the daily actions that need to take place in our modern world.

When brushing teeth and hair, getting dressed, eating a meal, tidying away toys etcetera, all take place regularly and without fail, they become part of one’s daily rhythms as opposed to a daily battle of wills.

Of course, this takes effort on your part, it means sitting at the table for every meal and not letting standards slip, and of course, structuring your day around the needs of your children.

Creating a routine that works for your family not only helps create calm children, but it offers much needed sanity for tired and stressed parents. When both parents and children know what to expect, everyone can move easily through the day and night. Draw up a daily and weekly chart that includes family outings, walks in the park, dinner time, bath time, etc. Involve everyone in the family and ask for their input. By doing this, you are encouraging your children to take responsibility for their own lives.

Focus on routine and not Schedules: The routine is dinner, bath, and brush teeth, read story, cuddles, and sleep. This usually happens between 5:30 and 7:30pm. But if your child wants to bath before dinner, try not to have a heart attack. Don’t stress yourself out because the time is 6:32 and teeth haven’t been brushed yet. A routine is like a big empty ball, you know what items need to go inside, but it doesn’t matter if they get jumbled up.

Treat your Kids like Adults By this, I don’t mean with the right to decide what movies they can watch or what time to go to bed, we all know where that will lead. But treat them with the respect that you would any other adult with whom you engage.

It is too easy to fall into the trap of Dictatorship - where the main way of speaking to our children becomes one of commands and threats. Before we know it, we lose sight of their beautiful individuality and spirit. We begin to view them as things that need to be controlled, and become incensed when they do not follow our instructions and behave and act as we have told them to.

Yes sometimes a firm hand is needed, but it should be handled as you would a difficult business meeting — with respect for the other party. No matter how old your children are they have a right to exist and a right to view the world as they wish to. Just because they are still learning, it does not mean they are NOT earning the right to be treated with dignity and kindness. They were born with that right.

You are the cookie cutter from which your children cut their mould. Treat them as you would any other adult, and they will respond in kind. Say please and thank you when speaking to them, ask them politely to do something for you, give genuine and heartfelt appreciation. Ask for their opinions and listen with focus when they speak. And, for goodness sake — choose your battles.

I once saw a mom have a near apoplectic fit in a restaurant because her young daughter wouldn’t eat her eggs. Well of course she wouldn’t, she was busy playing on the jungle gym with her friends, having beautiful fun as kids are meant to do. Calling her away from that pursuit to sit quietly at a table is setting your self up for failure. Not only that, but screaming at her in public and humiliating her (something you wouldn’t do to an adult) is uncalled for.

If her little daughter had just murdered a bunny perhaps the reaction would have been warranted. But over a plate of eggs? Unnecessary.

Talk to your children about ‘non-negotiables’: This is age dependant. For me, my nonnegotiables are sitting in the car seat, brushing teeth and going to bed on time. My daughter knows that those areas are not up for discussion. I let her ‘win’ in other areas in her life, 5 more minutes of TV, walking on the grass instead of the walkway. It doesn’t matter. She has a right to make decisions in her life and I allow her to have them.

Cool off before blowing up: If you feel yourself about to lose your temper, or your child has become totally unmanageable, say a simple, “I can’t hear you when you speak to me that way; come to me when you’ve calmed down,” and walk away. This gives me the time to put the situation in perspective (the world is not ending, my child is just having a temper tantrum), and it gives my daughter the opportunity to calm down and learn about managing her own emotions.

Music, Dance and Happiness When did we get so damn serious? Do we save all our happiness for our 3-week annual holiday? Why can’t every day be joyful?

I believe in music and dancing and singing out of tune loudly. When I’m at home, or making dinner, or just doing odds and sods around the house – I play music. I sing loudly to my favourite songs, I dance with my daughter. To be ruthlessly honest, it started when I was so sleep deprived I could barely function, never mind think of something to do with my child to make the hours go by faster.

And then I realised that I felt better, and my daughter loved it. And now – we sing. But we take turns. We listen to ‘Wheels on the Bus’ and then we listen to ‘Bastille’ afterwards. My home is light and happy and I am damn proud of it, because it took an enormous amount of

energy to get there. Getting divorces when one has a young child is not easy; it has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I could have wallowed in self-pity and misery, sad that there was no ‘man’ or father in our lives. Or – I could be happy. And that is the magical, profound gift that children give us.

When we have children, for the first time in our lives, we love something so completely, so instinctually and so deeply that it gives us the courage and stamina to carry on, when before, we may have given up.

I know that sometimes we regret having children - when you are so tired you just want to crawl into a hole, but you have to cook dinner and read stories and put a smile on your face and then do more work after they are sleeping - when all your single friends are having adult conversations in clean clothes somewhere awesome. I know this feeling – which is why I play music. Which is why, every day, I actively choose to surround myself with things that make me happy. So that I can share that happiness with my daughter, and remind myself that it is just life and we can either survive it or live it.

It’s ok to be honest: PMS, a really bad day, feeling depressed, in a bad mood – these are all a part of life and it is totally ok to share these things with your children as well. It is okay to have time to yourself if you need it. It is okay to read only two pages of the story instead of the whole book, if you are desperately tired. You’ll be surprised at how understanding our children can be. If you need to collapse on a couch and stare into space, tell your children that. Tell them how you are feeling and do what you need to do. You are not a perfect human being and certainly not a perfect mother. Every day doesn’t have to be roses and butterflies, but it should be honest and open.

Dr. Sonia Murray is a Metaphysical Life Coach, who specialises in birth education and parenting support. Her career has spanned animation, marketing, managing a non-profit organisation, and most recently, raising her beautiful daughter. Her passion is to inspire people to live a natural life, raise healthy children and look after our world. Contact Sonia 082 602 6122 email: sonia@iactw.org.za

You dream it - Play Outdoor can create it!

All our equipment is designed to assist kids in developing their gross motor skills and learn to play in an interactive and physical environment.

Chirology - The Hands of Children “The Hand is the Instrument of the Mind.” Maria Montessori Our children’s lives are initially in our hands, but ultimately their life path lies in the forms and markings of

theirs.

superstition,

While

this

the

truth

might is

sound

that

like

when

palmistic

subjected

to

chirological interpretation, the features of our hands are our personal life map and compass.

By Jennifer Hirsch Chirology (from Gr: kheri – hand and logos – knowledge) identifies and codifies the hands’ shapes, textures and markings, so as to determine sensitivities, needs, coping strategies, skills, talents and vocational aptitudes. Part science, part art, chirology is a dialogue therapy, comprising a blend of scientific research, eastern and western palmistry, counselling, coaching, therapeutic touch, and intuition. While the hand reader’s intuitive senses are profoundly engaged when analysing hands, chirology is an enlightening tool for self-understanding, and not a predictive or divinatory craft.

In chirology, we examine seven main features in a set of hands - shape, skin texture, mounts, thumbs, fingers, lines, and of utmost significance in modern-day hand analysis, the glyphs. Glyphs are the fingerprints and dermatoglyphic skin ridge patterns that are inscribed in our palms, which are not only an irrefutable mark of our identity, but also describe individual psychological profiles, each with their own unique signature traits. Our glyphs are pre-ordained, fixed and unchangeable cosmic imprints, which receive and emit their own unique resonance. They are energy portals, thresholds through which we can better understand and express our authentic responses.

Whereas our lines show basic stamina, mental aptitudes and love language, or how we give and receive love, our glyphs reveal something of our life purpose. As the one hand feature that will never change, glyphs are understood to provide our ‘psychological backdrop’. Whorls (see illustration above) on a set of hands, for example, aspect the issue of discipline, so vital a component of securing children and making them feel cared for. Whereas children with loops (see illustration below) are adaptable and will respond well to externally imposed discipline, children with whorls are fiercely independent, and when their individuality is encouraged and trusted will prove to be singularly self-disciplined.

Children and teenagers respond with spontaneous enthusiasm and curiosity to having their hands analysed. They are always delighted to hear about what line and what fingerprint pattern means what. Engaging with children about their hands is an alchemical experience for them. They realise that the forms and markings of their hands are uniquely their own and the quality time, focus and private, personal dialogue brings children home to themselves.

No child is too young to be printed. Printing the hands (with water soluble ink) is necessary so as to identify the finer details of lines and glyph patterns. Babies under 18 months can be tricky to print, but it is do-able. For kids under eight or nine, once we’ve taken the inked prints, I use chirology’s system of interpretation, called ‘the language of the elements’, to create a visual ‘hand chart’. In this chart of a three-year-old girl’s hands, (see illustration at end of article) an element is ascribed to every hand feature, to specifically evolve an understanding of the physical, emotional, vocational, intellectual and spiritual aspects of her life. Chirology draws on the scientifically proven principles of the elements earth, water, fire, air and chi to facilitate the decoding the hands' features.

This visual representation can be enjoyed in years to come but initially provides an outline for the conversation with the child’s parent(s). We discuss what their child’s hands reveal about their social and communicative skills, their organisational abilities and how they best learn. We identify their special aptitudes, potential talents, strengths or weaknesses, such as in sport, creativity, math and literacy.

After nine years old, I spend more alone and fun time with the child. Together we delve into their hands, empathically, kindly, cooperatively. We work with colour pencils, drawing in the lines and patterns on their hands and on the prints, explaining each as we go along. Children need to have their emotions taken care of, but are often unable to verbalise their feelings, and this therapy facilitates for the child a safe enough space to explore, feel into and articulate what is most alive in them.

The lines on children’s hands change as their personality develops. From age fourteen, together we assume a more motivational stance and focus is on aligning with an optimal educational plan.

The extent of children’s sensitivity reveals in their hands, which assists parents to deal especially with Indigo and Crystal children as well as with children labelled ADHD who are physically, emotionally, intuitively and spiritually so acutely fine-tuned.

A chirology analysis provides insight into how they view the world and to where they are ultimately going, as well as to what challenges they might be facing. As parents, we hope to optimally nurture, encourage and guide our children, to provide them with safety, security and love - enough to ensure that they grow into happy, confident adults who follow their own unique paths, build fulfilling lives and who contribute positively to the world. Chirology can help you to relate to, support and guide your child on a deeper, more patient and accepting level, in ways that meet the needs of their temperament, character and persona.

Jennifer Hirsch is a Johannesburg based chirologist, Zen Coach and mosaic artist. Jen is an ambassador for the ancient craft, having pioneered chirology in South Africa since 1991 when she first founded the Chirology S.A. Centre for the Study of Hand Reading. She offers private readings and lessons in the how-to of chirology/palmistry and counselling and coaching with hand reading. Her groundbreaking book ‘Chirology – Hand Reading – Palmistry – God Given Glyphs – Fingerprints’ illustrates fingerprints along with their associated character traits. Contact Jennifer Hirsch: Cell 082 415 0653, email: jen@cheiro.co.za Web: www.godgivenglyphs.com

Signs Your Daughter May Be in an Abusive Relationship Thousands of teenagers are finding themselves in relationships that are controlling, manipulative and sometimes physically abusive. Some research shows that 98 percent of teenage girls who have been abused, continue to date the abuser. Your teen could be one of them.

If you suspect your daughter is in an abusive relationship, the following are some classic warning signs to watch out for:          

She apologizes for his behaviour and makes excuses for him.

She loses interest in activities that she used to enjoy.

She stops seeing friends and family members and becomes more isolated.

When your daughter and her boyfriend are together, he calls her names and puts her down in front of other people.

He acts extremely jealous of others who pay attention to her, especially other guys.

He thinks or tells your daughter that you don't like him.

He controls her behaviour, checking up on her constantly, calling and paging her, demanding to know whom she has been with.

She casually mentions his violent behaviour, but laughs it off as a joke.

She often has unexplained injuries, or the explanations she offers don't make sense.

You see him violently lose his temper, striking or breaking objects.

The above information comes from Maryland’s Peoples Law Library.

CHILD LINE Assistance from trained counselors for abused children, young people and their families. Not-for-profit organization. 24-hour toll-free helpline: 0800 055 555 CHILD WELFARE SOCIETY Services Johannesburg and broader community and offers services to abandoned, abused and neglected children.

Also facilitates adoption and foster care.

Telephone: 011 331 0171 www.jhbchildwelfare.org.za

What are Angels?

Angels are high Spiritual Beings, consisting of an amazing energy and light; and they are pure unconditional love. They are a special gift given to us by God to assist, comfort and light up our lives.

By Margi McAlpine Angels have a lighter, faster vibration than humans and because of this, they are normally invisible to the human eye. They operate from the seventh dimension, also known as the seventh heaven. When we wish to connect to them, we are able to feel their angelic presence around us and the more we open up to them, the more we are aware of their presence.

Humans are evolving on one pathway and Angels on another. They do not generally incarnate as humans but will sometimes take on a human form to assist where needed, and then disappear. They are androgynous beings, in other words, they are neither male nor female.

As humans, we tend to give them human qualities because it is easier for us to work with and understand them on our level. Everyone has a personal guardian angel whose sole purpose is to

look after and assist them. That Angel only works with them and for them. It is easier and more comfortable for us to connect to them when we give them a form and a name so we will normally see them as male or female and have a name for them. It is like communicating with an old and dear friend, which is exactly what your Guardian Angel is. We are then aware that we are never alone because this wonderful and dedicated Being is always at our side, bringing much comfort and love when things are difficult or challenging.

So why work with Angels when you can ask God directly?

Angels are God’s messengers. When you ask God, He or She instructs the Angels to do what is necessary and if you ask of the Angels, they ask God’s permission to do what is needed. So it really doesn’t matter who you ask. Just do what you are comfortable doing.

Humans have been blessed with the gift of free will. Because of this, Angels may not do anything for you unless you ask. That is because they may not go against your free will and choice. They will assist you with the most complicated of challenges but also with simple everyday things. Ask an Angel to assist, support and guide you today and then hand the issue over to them with faith and trust. You will be amazed at the solutions that are miraculously brought about!

Because they are light Beings, they also encourage us to be light. Angels love laughter and joy and will always join in at special events in our lives like births, weddings, parties and celebrations.

They often leave us signs to say that they are there, feathers being a favourite method of communication. Often you will find the feathers in very unusual places especially when you are in need of some sort of reassurance and confirmation.

We need to have reached a stage in our personal development when we are ready to communicate with the Angels and then they will make their presence known. You will know intuitively when you are ready to receive heavenly communication. Angels mostly communicate with you through your thoughts. You have probably been “hearing” Angels throughout your lifetime without realising that it was these ethereal Beings who were talking to you.

Connect to and ask an Angel today and enhance, enrich and change your life forever!

Margi McAlpine is an experienced Spiritual Workshop Facilitator, Principal and Founder of The Angel Connection School of Africa, Master Teacher, Reiki Master, Spiritual Counsellor, Angel Card Reader, Egyptian Healing Practitioner and Past Life Regression Practitioner. She has appeared on national television on Spirit Sundae, 3Talk, The Blue Couch and Free Spirit.

She has also been interviewed on numerous radio shows and written articles for various magazines as well as being in demand as a public speaker. She facilitates Spiritual workshops throughout South Africa.

Contact Margi on 082-563-7422 or margi@angelconnection.co.za or http://angels.za.com/

Place your online order now at www.thronemagic.co.za Tel: (021) 593-3820 or Email: info@thronemagic.co.za

Sick and Tired of all the Crap in your Life?

Have all your relationships ended the same way?

Not doing as well financially as you’d like?

Same old, same old at work?

Tired of all the family drama?

Still hanging on to old issues that cause you pain?

Have you lost your joy?

There is a Solution It is only when we are truly sick and tired of all the crap that we choose to change our lives. There is a set of effective tools that DO work and will allow you to refocus and bring your life back into alignment with what YOU really want.

Invite Joy Back into Your Life If you are done being sick and tired and you want real change.

Call Now! Cell: 078 304 8635

Email: info@hildadelarosa.com

The Value of Antioxidants and Micro Nutrients Without antioxidants and micro nutrients, our cells literally start to die off and cannot renew themselves. With the right micro nutrients in your daily diet, your body and organs can start a wonderful regeneration process.

Your eyes regenerate totally every 3 days, and we shed about 60,000 skin cells daily, and our skin is totally renewed every 28 days. Your mouth, cheeks and tongue renew themselves every few hours due to all the wear & tear they go through with swallowing, biting, chewing and talking. The human skeleton is made up of 206 bones and the skeleton will renew itself over a period of 10 years. All this shows us how wonderful the human body (our physical home) is, and how often we are given the chance to repair the damage, we do to it daily!

Use that opportunity wisely, protect, and nourish your cells with the right balance of foods - most importantly fruits and vegetables.

Blue/Purple Benefits: helps boost motor skills, memory function, eye development, immune system, encourages healthy digestion and reduces inflammation.

Lowers risk of some cancers, allergies, asthma, gum disease and supports urinary tract health, circulation, heart and artery health. Promotes healthy ageing and longevity. Fruits and Vegetables: Acai berries, blackberries, blueberries, black grapes, elderberries, beetroot, blackcurrants, plums, purple grapes, raisins, figs, prunes, purple asparagus, purple pepper, purple cabbage, purple carrots, aubergine, eggplant, purple potatoes.

Green Benefits: highly detoxifying, alkalinising and nutrient dense, providing an unfavourable environment for cancer (cancer thrives in an acidic environment). Essential for cellular health, strong bones and teeth. Increases immune system activity. Fruits and Vegetables: Avocados, artichokes, asparagus, green apples, green grapes, broccoli, brussels sprouts, green beans, green tea, honeydew melon, kiwi fruit, limes, green pears, napa cabbage, cabbage, celery, cucumber, kale, spinach, leeks, lettuce, watercress, peas, green pepper and zucchini.

Red Benefits: shown to aid heart health and circulatory, improved memory, decreases blood pressure and strengthens joint tissue, benefits urinary tract health. Fruits and vegetables Cherries, red apples, blood oranges, cranberries, pink/red grapefruit, red pears, pomegranate, strawberries, red cabbage, raspberries, red beets, red peppers, red grapes, pomegranates, watermelon, radishes, tomatoes, rhubarb and red onion.

Yellow / Orange Benefits: contains vitamin D and beta-carotenes needed for healthy skin, mucous membranes and eye health combats free radicals, lowering the risk of some cancers, supporting a healthy immune system, skin, joints, arthritis and diabetes.

Current research concluded that vitamin D can reduce ones risk of dying from any disease.

Fruits and vegetables: Yellow apples, yellow figs, yellow kiwi fruit, yellow watermelon, apricots, yellow beets, yellow peppers, yellow potatoes, summer squash, patipans, yellow corn (non-GMO), yellow tomatoes, mangos, tangerines, oranges, carrots, grapefruit, lemons, peaches, nectarines, butternut, pumpkin, orange tomatoes, melon, turmeric, papaya, pineapple, sweet potatoes.

White Benefits: high in sulphur, vitamin C and antioxidants. Great anti-inflammatory, immune booster, anti-cancer, skin healer and detoxifier. Fruits & vegetables Bananas, white pear, dates, white necatarine, white peaches, cauliflower, chives, fennel, garlic, cabbage, bok choy, ginger, green onions, Jerusalem artichoke, leeks, mushrooms, parsnip, potatoes, shallots, turnips. Phytonutrients: EGCG, allicin, quercetin (allergies and circulation), indoles, glucosinolates, vitamin C (tissue health), sulphur (anti-microbial) www.naturalvibrance.co.za

Creativity is one one of the most powerful ways to stay connected to the light within our being.

Our deepest Intuition works through our creative imagination in our subconscious mind. When we stay in sacred union with our creative Self, we are empowered by the Spirit of Life. Nothing can dominate a soul who is linked directly with their Spirit.

The way to rise above the lower frequencies that are seeking control at this time is to make our life a creative act in service of the Awakening of Human Consciousness. ~Shannon Port l Image by Native Love

Finding the Feminine Goddess Within "What!? What are you looking at?"

I yelled at the top of my voice in the middle of a busy street. "I'm looking at a mad woman, yelling in the street," the man responded.

By Hilda de la Rosa I had lost it - completely! I am normally quite impatient - but this? There I was, in the middle of the road, yelling like a banshee. I had jumped out of my car, slammed the door shut and was yelling furiously at a colleague who was blissfully unaware of the intense rage that she had unleashed in me, simply by turning left instead of right. I sheepishly got back into my car and drove off. Those were the days before cell phones. Remember those?

I met up with my colleague later that morning and embarrassed myself even more - this time in front of a client! Eventually, exasperated, she asked me if I was all right. "All right? All right - are you mad? I'm furious!" The whole day turned to mud and there was no saving it. In my rage I had lost at least thirty IQ points and it was completely hopeless to even try to reason with me. I climbed into my car and drove home sobbing. I knew something was wrong.

Whispers from the Womb I made an appointment with my doctor. When I got to see her, I simply fell apart and told her that I thought I was going completely mad. I related the story to her - and she laughed! I was devastated.

This was not the appropriate time for her to bring out her wicked sense of humour! I was thirty five, but I reminded her that I had had a hysterectomy at age 26.

Ever since menstruation started, I had had difficulties with irregular and very painful periods. My parents decided to put me on the pill to regulate menstruation. Some years later, I became pregnant (whilst on the pill) and had an uncomplicated pregnancy but an extremely difficult and long delivery. After Clinton was born, I fell pregnant several times but lost the baby every time.

By age 26, I could barely stand the pain. I had, by now, developed extreme endometriosis, and my periods could arrive as often as every two weeks, or not for two months, and when it did arrive - it arrived with a vengeance! It could stay for ten days or in some instances, two weeks. I was constantly taking pain medication. When I approached my own gynaecologist, he refused to do anything about it - least of all a hysterectomy for a woman of my age! I just had to live with the pain.

Eventually I found a doctor who understood and a partial hysterectomy (my ovaries were left intact), was performed. I have never regretted this decision. I know that it was radical, but the relief from pain was like a gift from the gods. Painful sex was also a thing of the past! What a bonus.

Mood Swings from Hell My doctor suggested that we perform complete hormone level checks. She took what felt like a litre of blood from me. Several days later my doctor phoned. She asked, "Have you murdered anyone in the last few months?" I replied that I hadn't, but certainly had wanted to - on several occasions. She said that my ovaries had stopped functioning, which, she said, was quite normal for someone who had had a hysterectomy so young. She said that my oestrogen levels were so low that had I killed anyone - I may have been acquitted due to medical reasons! She prescribed Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT)! Dreaded words for most women!

After a week or two on the medication I could feel a significant difference. My sense of humour returned and I no longer felt like killing people. Weeks, months and years went by, and life went on. I was happy in my corporate job, doing what I really liked. At this stage, I was smoking about 30 a day and lived mostly on coffee. I am, what is known as, an A-type personality - fiery, quick to temper, high energy, etc.

Quest for the Meaning of Life I have always questioned belief systems and challenged authority. But my quest for the meaning of life started in earnest in my thirties. In 1996, my son Clinton had a very serious motor car accident.

He was in a coma due to a brain injury, for eight days. His accident and subsequent recovery, acted as a catalyst for me to change my life radically.

After his recovery, I opened a centre for spiritual learning in Cape Town. Still living on cigarettes and coffee, but was thriving! I loved this new way of life. I loved what I was learning and in teaching what I was learning - learning even more!

I soon realised that I would have to give up my old lifestyle. That lifestyle, and personality was what was required in my life up to that point. I realised that I no longer needed that persona. She could be retired. What I had done while I was a career woman in the corporate industry, was imitate the males. Even my body reflected this. No feminine shape, no soft curves! My clothes too - double breasted, power business suits.

I was tough, skinny, businesslike, unemotional, masculine, and subconsciously, a man-hater. I was the first one to degrade men and relate gender jokes to my friends. Deep down, I resented being a woman. I disliked that they cried, that they were emotional - which I thought meant that they were ineffective and weak. I hated the fact that I was not strong enough to pick up the heavy things. I hated being a woman so much that and this hatred of the feminine contributed towards making my "feminine bits" ill.

At age thirty, I had a bilateral mastectomy. At the onset of menstruation, my breasts were extremely tender and sore - all the time. At fifteen, I had the first lump removed from my breast.

By age 29 I had had about nine surgical procedures to remove lumps from my breasts. My doctor informed me that the cell structure in my breasts was changing and that he was very concerned.

He recommended a mastectomy. There was no immediate danger but there were definite signs that we were moving toward the danger zone. This was performed before my thirtieth birthday.

I hated the fact that women were treated like second-class citizens. But, I treated them like second-class citizens as well! When I made phone calls to companies, I noticed that I automatically

assumed that a man would be more senior than a woman, I began to watch myself. This came as a complete shock to me. I realised that I had a major role to play in the world's perception of women. And I wanted to change that!

Awakening the true feminine beauty Whilst working at the centre, I decided that it was time to embrace the feminine. To find out what made them so strong and resourceful. I went to see a herbalist and asked her to give me a herbal remedy for my low oestrogen levels. I decided to forgo normal allopathic Hormone Replacement Therapy in favour of a more holistic alternative. I gave up smoking - the second hardest thing I have ever done (the hardest being raising a child).

I worked for more than a year on just being a female and celebrating all that it entailed. In meditation, in day dreams, in fully aware, awake states. I was constantly reminding my self about being a woman and what that meant! I started wearing dresses, bright and flowery ones. I revelled in my emotions and began to understand them. I loved the new feelings that were emanating from me. I allowed my self to ask for help when moving heavy furniture, and stopped berating myself when I could not open the top of the mayonnaise bottle. I acknowledged the feminine in me for the first time in my life - it was very powerful and liberating.

Even my body responded to this new me. I developed curves! Most of the curves were probably because I stopped smoking and ate a more balanced diet, but I didn't care what the cause was!

Men started looking at me differently. Strangers were coming up to me telling me that I was beautiful and sexy. This had never happened before and if anyone had dared, I would have annihilated him or her! I loved it!

All Woman All the Time The best was yet to come! A belly-dancing teacher started teaching at my centre. I immediately joined the class. I had seen other belly dancers at a fair I had attended and I couldn't believe what these women did with their bodies. It was sensual and beautiful and completely entrancing. This is the ultimate in femininity! What a celebration.

Our class was fabulous and our teacher even better. The whole experience was of divine feminine grace. For the very first time in my life, I became completely happy about being a woman. Soft, feminine, gentle, emotional, sensual, sexy, funny, strong, resourceful, tenacious, aggressive - all of it is the woman in me!

Back to the doctor I recently went for another run of tests. Just to be sure of the hormone levels. I have not taken any HRT for more than seven years. My hormone levels were fine! The ovaries were functioning perfectly and everything was in balance. I can't really tell how this happened. I simply know that on some level my body reacted to my mind. In both instances! We truly are what we think. We truly are powerful beings!

Now I am at peace with the feminine in me. The tough, masculine, business-woman is still there, she just has softer edges. I have integrated both aspects of my personality, since both are required for balance. I no longer tell gender jokes, simply because I like men now. And I really do not want to contribute to the subjugation of any individual, whether male or female.

Perhaps it is time to evaluate how much damage we really do to our bodies, not by what we eat, drink or smoke, but what we think and believe!

Pure, Powerful and Profound

Reiki is a gentle and non-invasive, ancient, natural, healing therapy, which does not cause pain or harm.

By Karen Lange and Debra Stevens

Our entire universe, or 'REI', is made up of energy and at a very basic level, we are energy. The human life force energy, or 'KI', is an unseen energy stream that pours into the human energy field, nourishing every part of the mind, body and soul. The word ‘REI’ has many different meanings but many believe it means soul or consciousness.

There are many different forms of Reiki, each form having its own methods and tools used to channel the healing, universal energy, and each form of Reiki has its own benefits. The two primary differentiations are Traditional Japanese Reiki (Eastern) and Western Reiki.

Usui/Tibetan Reiki and Usui Shiki Ryoho (the Usui System of Natural Healing) are the foundation of Western Reiki therapy systems and are a good place to start your journey along the path of healing. Many Reiki practitioners in South Africa practice this form of Reiki, often combining it with other forms of Western and Japanese Reiki and other healing modalities. One of these combined forms of Reiki is known as Gendai Reiki. Traditional Japanese or Eastern Reiki includes: Jikiden Reiki, Usui Reiki Ryoho - Gakkai, and Komyo Reiki Kai. The essence of Japanese or Eastern Reiki is simplicity and pure energy, creating balance and harmony; it is a fluid and beautiful therapy to experience.

The difference between Reiki and other modalities is that the Reiki student or practitioner undergoes a Reiki attunement process or Reiju, which connects the student to this spiritual energy, making it possible for the student to effectively channel the human life force energy, Ki, facilitated by a shift in the student’s own energy blueprint.

What to Expect.

A Reiki therapy session begins at the head and ends at the feet; this is most relaxing. A Reiki session may begin elsewhere depending on the therapist and the needs of the client. The therapist’s hands are gently placed in various positions on, or slightly above, the body, without pressure being applied. The “KI”, or life force energy, that facilitates the healing flows down through the therapist’s palms and fingertips into the receiver’s energy field. The therapist does not give of their own energy; they simply channel universal energy from the source.

You may feel a number of sensations during your Reiki therapy. These could include heat, cold and tingling, you may even experience colour or sound. Sometimes you may feel nothing at all. The outcome of each treatment is determined by your own personal needs and no two people will experience REIKI in the same way. Some of the frequent experiences include: • Increased creativity, energy and awareness • Emotions are more balanced and appropriate • Stress is managed better and easily released • Accelerated healing and release of toxins • Relief from pain and discomfort • Elevated sense of well being

How to Choose Reiki Practitioner.

With over 120 styles of Reiki and Energy Healing being touted out there, it is appreciably difficult for anyone looking for a Reiki practitioner to know what to look out for.

A Reiki practitioner is required to take responsibility for giving their clients the best treatment they can offer whilst under their care, with consideration of the client’s medical condition and personal situation. A Reiki practitioner is also required to act with honesty and integrity, with the wellbeing of their client top of mind, at all times.

Firstly, do not be afraid to ask questions when you call a practitioner. In fact, a good practitioner should have a good of knowledge about the subject and a broad and varied knowledge of natural healing. If the answers to your questions are vague, or forced, then look elsewhere. It does not matter whether the practitioner claims to have practiced for 26 years or 6 months, if they do not know what they are doing, are poorly trained and inexperienced, they cannot help you.

Most importantly trust your intuition. It does not matter how knowledgeable someone may seem, if you feel that something is not quite right for you; trust your instincts.

Guidelines: When Choosing a Practitioner, or Teacher.

Make sure the practitioner or teacher belongs to an accredited Reiki association and/or teaches an accredited course. The Reiki Association of Southern Africa can be contacted to confirm practitioner and teacher listings www.reikiassociation.co.za Initiate contact by telephone. Ensure the practitioner can readily answer any of your questions. If a Reiki practitioner cannot explain Reiki to you in a candid and understandable manner, they clearly do not understand it themselves.

Many online sites offer distant Reiki healing treatments or Reiki training/attunements. This can be misleading and detrimental to you and your wellbeing, as you have no idea of what you are getting. Do you want to allow someone you have never met, who may, or may not, be adequately

trained in Reiki, to access your energy field; or worse, to teach you Reiki? It is important to receive healing or teaching from qualified and accredited practitioners and teachers, in person.

Reiki – Pure, Powerful and Profound The Reiki energy is intelligent - working at every level of our being - body, mind and spirit. The body, mind and spirit are not independent of one another. They are intertwined. What affects one affects the others.

Karen Lange is a Qualified Educator, Motivational Speaker, Reiki Master and Master Teacher since 1999 and Chairperson of The Reiki Association of Southern Africa. She is also the Karuna reiki practitioner representative for South Africa. She began her career as a school teacher in biological sciences. She left the teaching profession to follow her spiritual calling of empowerment teacher and spiritual councellor. Karen teaches Reiki, Crystal Healing, Inner Alchemy and facilitates Louise Hay empowerment workshops. She is the principal teacher at the Soul Healing Academy and also a talented exhibiting artist. She has designed courses that are taught countrywide. Karen has been on Television, Radio and written articles in numerous magazines. Contact Karen 082 857 5999 or karen@reikiassociation.co.za

Debra Stevens is a Naturopath, Reiki Master and Master Teacher, Spiritual Healer and Spokesperson for the Reiki Association of South Africa. She has undertaken extensive research in this field and has published a number of papers, journals and articles and has participated on panels for the broadcast media. Debra has spent over 12 years dedicated to energy healing; she is the founder of the Energencia Wellness Centre in KZN and the Academic Director of The Energencia Academy.

AFTER MIDNIGHT is an online retailer specializing in lingerie and adult products. We have a fantastic range, from sexy bra and bottom sets to corsets and accessories.

Take a peep at our website – we have something stunning for every woman and we cater for all sizes. Spoil yourself and spice up your relationship.

Convenient online ordering and secure payment system.

We deliver to your door. www.aftermidnight.co.za

BALANCED PROTEIN

SHAPE UP NOW     

Control body fat & weight and improve your health Boost mental and physical performance Used by world’s top athletes Gained Energy Guaranteed results

Christy Jardim Independent Distributer

074 261 4079

Make Love Last Forever The only thing that is more sublime than “falling in love” is knowing that this is a love that is here to stay.

By Susan Schöning

“Relationships are like the ocean: sometimes choppy, sometimes rough. Sometimes the waves are so high and the sky so dark that you feel like you are drowning.

But for all the turbulence and chaos the ocean can bring, there are also those moments of exquisite tranquillity, peace and beauty.”

We’ve all been there. That glorious, intoxicating, overwhelming moment when you realise you are falling in love. That breathless anticipation when you know you are going to see the object of your desire. The delightful torment of butterflies fluttering not just through your tummy, but cascading golden ripples of delight throughout your entire bloodstream the moment he or she comes into the room. Smiling at everyone you meet, because life is just so perfect.

We’ve all been there. Hanging on their every word, devouring every expression that flits across their face, adjusting your body language to mirror theirs as you orbit around each other in a dance of besotted longing and desire.

We’ve all been there. That sacred, secret space that exists for just the two of you, where nobody else exists and time stands still. Where you finish each other’s sentences, laugh at the same silly idiotic things and look for deeper meanings in all the coincidences that you seem to share in your lives.

Drunk with Happiness Anyone who has ever been in love knows that the initial stages of falling in love ignite the brain with a flood of “happy” chemicals that make us feel drunk with happiness and euphoria, and fill us with an overwhelming sense of well-being. It’s like being surrounded by a bubble of bliss that paints everything in our world with a rosy shade of love.

He can do no wrong; everything she does is perfect, adorable and wonderful.

But fast-forward a year or two, and that heady elixir of love and infatuation begins to fade as gradually, the chemistry of intense attachment, emotion and lust begins to give way, and our body reclaims its personal biological equilibrium.

It’s almost as if we take off the rose-coloured spectacles that have been clouding our vision for the past 18 months or so, and we begin to really see the true identity of this person we have been in a relationship with for the first time.

And psychologists tell us that it is at this stage, only some 18 – 24 months after the relationship has begun, that we are able to make the choice that says either, “There is something here between the two of us that has the potential to become something deeper, something more profound,” or, after taking a long hard look at each other, we admit with regret (although sometimes with intense relief) that “This is as far as we can go together, and our time as a couple is over.”

Transitioning from First Stage Euphoria to Long Term Love Even though those turbulent feelings of frenzied exhilaration might lessen in intensity, new studies in neuroscience now prove what we all know can be true: couples can stay in love long-term, with their brains still releasing their “happy chemicals” in the same way as when they first met. Couples can keep passion, excitement, and love alive, regardless of the amount of time they have spent together.

The key to long term happiness and to a lifetime of passion and excitement together is not about maintaining the perfect weight or health; it is not in sharing the same hobbies or interests together; it is not about the amount of time you spend with each other, nor even in how much money or material security you accumulate during your life together.

The secret to a successful long-term relationship lies simply in the way in which we communicate with each other.

River Deep, Mountain High As anyone who has ever been in a relationship knows, it’s not always red wine and roses. Whether it surfaces during the first year of dating or after six years of marriage, babies and over-drafts, all relationships will inevitably hit rocky terrain.

Relationships, particularly those that last past the first romance stage, have a way of triggering our deepest insecurities and uncertainties. They challenge every identity or belief that we have ever held onto, and they force us to excavate the very depths of who we are, exposing not just our dark, hidden places, but also those parts of our highest power and most profound beauty. They strip away all the safety barriers we have so carefully erected around us over a lifetime of navigating through emotional mountain ranges, leaving us vulnerable and open.

And it is how we respond in those moments of deep uncertainty, stress or challenge that has the potential to make our relationship and cement it in stone, or to break it down entirely. Not just the words we use, but the tone and the style in which we say them; the body language we use; the expressions on our face.

Most importantly of all, it is not just how we communicate with our partners, but how open and honest we are in communicating and expressing how we feel with ourselves.

The Communication Key Remember when the adventure first started and we hung onto every word that came out of our beloved’s mouth? The minute he or she started to speak, we would turn our entire attention toward them; the expression on our face would signify our interest and our participation in what was being said.

In the Actively Positive Communication style, we lean into the conversation, turn our entire body towards the person as he or she speaks. We give positive verbal, emotional and facial cues that convey that we are completely engaged in what is being said.

Fast forward to a few years on and life has somehow found a way of clawing at our conscious attention, and our time and energy focuses now on other priorities. Kids, work, money, stresses of day to day life, family, health, friends – with so many other demands claiming every available moment, it’s small wonder that there is increasingly less time to connect with each other, instead of more.

What happens then when our beloved comes through the door at the end of the day? Our communication style is far more likely to be Passive, or Non-Engaging.

Of course, it is easy to understand that Active Positive is a far more effective communication strategy than responding in a passive or non-engaging manner.

The real test, however, is how we respond when we are going through those rough seas that every relationship is bound to go through. There will be times when we are disillusioned or disappointed by something our partner has done or said, (or even not done or not said), and it is how we react in those moments that determines whether – and for how long – we will be able to survive through the tough times.

It is then that our communication style tends toward the Passive Negative. When we are hurt, angry or disappointed, we withdraw, refuse to make eye contact, pull our energy away. Our body language closes up as we focus on protecting our energy in order not to appear vulnerable or weak. We are intent not on listening to the other person, but rather on what we want to say.

We have all experienced when hurt or anger spills up and over into resentment or worse, a full-blown argument, and it is here where communication enters its most destructive mode: Actively Negative It is the most destructive and damaging communication style because it actively and brutally moves into attack mode. In this style we also lean into full engagement with our partner, only this time the objective is not to build up and edify, but to maim, tear down, and destroy. And the sad thing? We do it as a protection mechanism because we are feeling over-exposed or that our feelings and emotional safety are at risk.

Conscious Arguing It’s a fact of life: If you are in a relationship, sooner or later you are going to argue. It is not a case of if, more like when. Couples who have a strategy for arguing … before they hit the red zone … are far more likely not only to survive the battle, but also to come out the other side feeling a sense of resolution and empowerment.

Instead of thinking of the relationship as a linear relationship between two people, start thinking of it as a three sided structure. This structure holds space not just for you and me; the relationship becomes its own entity with an energy, life and spirit that is fed by both partners.

Relationship

Core Values

You

Me

When you are in a calm and loving space with each other, define: 







the FIVE VALUES that you wish to live by. o What values are really important to you that you don’t want to compromise or give up because of the relationship? Too often, we sacrifice or compromise on those values that are really important to us. Is it important that your partner shares your same belief on spirituality or politics, for instance? When we compromise on something that is really one of our core values, we risk developing a long-term resentment for what we have “had” to give up. the FIVE QUALITIES that you want your partner to acknowledge within you. o What qualities are important to you when you think of your ideal life? Are you more careerminded, or more the home-goddess energy? DO you want your partner to respect that you far prefer relaxing in the garden over the weekend, or would you be happier painting the town red every once in a while? Is money stability more important to you than spontaneity, or would you rather live for a month on bread and cheese if you have the chance to do something exciting on the spur of the moment? the FIVE NEEDS that you have, that you want your partner to be aware of. o Some people need to be touched and caressed often by their partner in order to feel loved; others crave space and independence to follow their own hobbies and interests. Our partners are not mind readers. Sometimes, we need to be blatantly obvious about what we need from them in order to feel loved and secure. the FIVE CHARACTERISTICS that you both want the relationship to embody and reflect. o We all know that faithfulness and fidelity in a relationship is a given … but discuss what that actually means to both of you. Does it mean no friends of the opposite sex? Or lunch and coffee with friends is fine, but after work, dinners and drinks are strictly reserved for each other? Defining the borders and parameters of the relationship goes a long way to creating an atmosphere of security and emotional safety.

and perhaps most importantly: 

the FIVE VALUES you will gift your partner with, that you will consciously communicate when you find yourself in a space of argument or disagreement.

Some suggested Core Values that I will gift my partner might include:  I will listen to you and try to see and feel things from your perspective, and

you will do the same for me  I will not get defensive or angry, but I will explain my problem rationally and logically and give you permission to do the same  I will not project my past experiences or expectations into the present moment  I will not bring up past arguments that have nothing to do with this issue  I will be respectful to you and to me but, most importantly, I will be respectful to this relationship we have together.

At the End of the Day Good relationships don’t just happen. They take time, patience and hard work – from both partners. It’s not in the luck of the draw, or finding “a good man” or a “worthwhile woman.” A real relationship is about learning to embrace ALL of your partner at the same time as you allow ALL of you to be embraced. It’s about holding hands together and, with patience, infinite courage, and absolute love, walking through the shadows together to a space of deep trust and knowingness of each other.

The Four Phases of Communication Passive Negative

Passive Positive

Active Negative

Active Positive

Active Positive: In the Active Positive phase of communication, we actively lean into the conversation, and through our verbal, facial and body language cues, show that we are actively engaged and fully present with the person with whom we are communicating.

E.g., She walks through the door at the end of the day and says, “I have had the day from hell; missed deadlines, chaos, and my boss chooses today of all days to have an absolute melt-down!” An Active Positive response might be something like, “Oh wow, come and tell me all about it,” – and then allowing the person to talk, and actively listening while they do so.

Passive Positive: When we are being Passive Positive, we might respond positively but there is no invitation or encouragement for further communication, e.g., “Oh Yeah?” This could be because we are simply too tired, or too distracted by other stimulus to actively respond to our partner, or even because we really are not that interested in what it is they are trying to say.

Passive Negative: In the Passive Negative phase, we switch the focus of the communication from what our partner is talking about to what it is we want to say. Our objective may be to get them to listen to us as in: “Don’t even start about your day. My day was so bad that I was tempted to hand in my notice! I am way too tired to even think about supper, so I hope you are going to take me out for dinner!”

Active Negative: When we are in the Active Negative phase of communication, we are actively negating their communication, feelings or desires. “Well, what did you expect? I told you not to take that job in the first place!

If you behave at work the same way you do at home, I am not surprised your boss lost his temper with you. You are beyond hopeless at keeping track of projects and deadlines!”

ThetaHealing® Certification training Learn more than just a technique. Learn a new and empowered way of living that will bring you a greater sense of freedom, joy and love.

The heart of the basic 3 day seminar is the practice of techniques that allow you to change life patterns held in place by core, genetic, historic and soul beliefs, either self-inflicted or externally imposed. The student will learn to identify his/her own beliefs as well as to practice pulling them for others in the seminar. This practice can quickly reveal systems of belief, showing the body how to replace limiting beliefs or feelings with positive ones. The processes of ThetaHealing are not specific to any age, sex, race, colour, creed or religion.

Other topics and exercises include:

Learn why we create things in our life and what we learn from it      

Introduction to manifesting in your life Tuning into feelings Balancing your moods Soul mates, waywards and hooks The Seven Planes of Existence The Power of Connecting to the Creator of All the Is

By the end of the seminar, the student is prepared to become a practitioner of ThetaHealing® as a ThetaHealer®. Many people come on the course just for their own development and healing.

Full details from www.thetahealing.co.za or email Eric Richardson at info@thetahealing.co.za

Endorsement by Celebrity Singer – Nianell "I have never experienced such intense healing on a physical, mental, emotional and spiritual level as I did while I was doing the Theta Healing courses. Old anger and hurt that was stored in my body, of which I wasn’t even aware of, was released. As I was releasing feelings and beliefs that did not serve me or my body, I experienced deep healing and I even started to lose weight.

I witnessed miracles happening every day, in myself and in others.

I feel like a new person and I want to invite and encourage everybody to go for a Theta Healing session, or even better yet, take a course in Theta Healing and learn how to facilitate a healing on yourself or others and just witness the Creator of All heal “~ Nianell, seen here with Eric Richardson, Theta Healing Master instructor and practitioner.

(Eric is a former lecturer in Educational Studies at Wits University.)

Visit www.thetahealing.co.za for your free gift and details of courses and practitioners.

Find us on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thetahealingsouthafrica.

Kahuna Massage

By Anthea Hardwick Also known as Temple style lomi lomi, Abraham Kawaii, a kahuna from Kauai, brought this ancient healing sacred work to the western world.

Feel your stress and tension melt away as the magical flow of Kahuna massage soothes body, emotions & spirit

Honoring the body’s innate wisdom and ability to self heal this transformational bodywork is gentle and yet very powerful. It will leave you feeling more in touch with yourself and with greater awareness of thoughts and feelings and their impact on your health and life. The natural dance like rhythm, much like the ebb and flow of the ocean lulls one into deep relaxation. As core layers of tension are revealed and released, you will feel more connected to self and to life, open, at ease, balanced, light and alive!

This beautiful ancient Polynesian bodywork provides a holistic approach to healing by balancing the body-mind in its physical, emotional and spiritual dimensions.

Feel stress and tension melt away as the Kahuna therapist moves in long, flowing, deep and dynamic strokes enveloping body, mind and soul in a soothing healing dance. Using hands, forearms and elbows, the therapist moves from head to toe in flowing hula and tai chi like movements working on both a physical and energetic level, applying soft and deep tissue massage.

The practitioner uses intuition and focused intention to release physical and energetic blockages and restore health and balance to body, mind and spirit.

Smoking – from Highly Fashionable to Social Pariah

By Hilda de la Rosa When I was a child, smoking was completely socially acceptable and, in fact, in certain circles, it was a sign of sophistication and elegance. At that time (now considered totally inappropriate), even the advertising campaigns supported this. During the 1970’s, about 30 percent of all South Africans smoked. The world’s most famous and biggest cigarette companies sponsored most major sporting events. By 2000, we had learned all about the health risks associated with smoking and an immense amount of pressure, both financial and social, was placed on smokers to quit their nasty habit.

And a nasty habit it is. Millions of rands have been spent to curb this habit, not even considering the health costs related to smoking. Yet, individuals continue to choose to smoke, irrespective of the scare tactics of popular media, anti-smoking government initiatives, horror pictures and relentlessly increasing costs. It seems that smokers will smoke until they decide for themselves that they are ready to quit.

We asked a few individuals a few questions about their smoking habits and what made them finally decide to kick the habit.

Lara Plumstead’s Journey to Being a Non-smoker Lara is in a committed relationship with Gerrit Theron and they are proud parents of Electra, their baby girl, who is a year old. Lara is the owner of Mavaric, and is a sales guru who helps entrepreneurs increase their revenue.

Asked how she started smoking, she said, “A friend suggested I try her cigarettes. She said that they were “kiff” and that I would love them. And besides, she needed someone to smoke with her whilst having drinks. I relented and tried it.” Lara said that neither the scare tactics in the media, nor the continuing rise in cigarette prices had any impact on her decision to smoke. She said that she had made a commitment to herself the day she smoked her first cigarette with her friend, that if she was still smoking ten years later, she would immediately quit. Her feeling was that she had not been smoking long and that she was still young and her body would be able to cope with the negative impact of cigarettes.

Years later she was reminded of her decision and realised that ten years had in fact passed. Lara sets a very high value on her own goals and commitments – particularly those she makes with herself.

As soon as she realised that ten years had passed, she made a decision to quit. When asked if she found it difficult to quit she said that she did not, but that she experienced strange symptoms about 6 weeks after she quit smoking. She said that she felt very emotional, which was unusual for her and had a few fainting spells at work. This seemed to last two or three weeks, which was very tough for

her. Lara says, “Once I had given up smoking, everything just tasted different. And waking up in the morning without that terrible taste in my mouth was fantastic. I knew it was the right thing to do and I feel much healthier now.” She now finds smoking a disgusting habit, particularly since she became a mum. She says that she never craved cigarettes, once she had made the decision to quit.

Justine Mavrakis Shares Her Story With Us. Justine is 37, married to Michael and the mum of a daughter, Alethia. She is pregnant with their second child. They live in Waterkloof in Pretoria and Justine is a stay-at-home mum.

Justine relates her story. “I was about 13 years old when I started smoking.

It was really a whole group of girls that started smoking at the stable yard. I think it was a bit of peer pressure to be cool, and we all kind of just went with it.” Justine smoked for 17 years and for the last eight years, smoked about 40 a day. She says that what other people thought about smokers never bothered her, and she relates that, “The health warnings were never an issue for me; neither was the cost. It was more that I started to hate smoking and I never wanted to be a smoking parent. I wanted to get myself healthy before having children.”

Justine further relates that, “I tried twice before being able to stop smoking, once cold turkey and once through Smoke Enders. It was my second attempt at Smokers Enders that worked, but all I can say to a person wanting to stop smoking is, do it for yourself and no one else! If other people are pressurising you into stopping smoking, it doesn’t work. Once I had made that decision mentally within myself that I had had enough, it gave me the resolve to get through the process.”

She says, “For me the final decision was health related in the sense that I wanted to be a mum and give my children a good example to follow. I will never forget when I saw a pregnant lady who was smoking - it totally disgusted me! I knew then that I had to stop as I could not be the person I wanted to be if I continued smoking. It was that very day that I phoned Smoke Enders for the second time, and signed up for their next course. I knew then that I could do it, as mentally I was resolved in myself that it was time to let go of smoking.”

“Smoke Enders for me, was the best way. The instructors themselves are all ex-smokers, so they understand and they really work you through all aspects of giving up the habit. It is a seven-week course, with a ‘quit date’ only in the 5th week. The actual addiction to the nicotine is over in three days, but it is that life-time habit that you have to break. This is not easy, since smoking is part of your everyday life. Giving up, for me, was like changing a part of myself for the better.”

“I had to let go of who I was as a smoker, and embrace the new me, the non-smoker. That was really difficult. It was almost like a mourning period for me. I will never forget - it was about four days before my actual quit-date that I woke up just knowing that today-was-theday. I took the day off work and spent it with my mum. At the time, I was only smoking

about two ciggies a day. On that day, however, I smoked a whole pack, drank loads of coffee and cried in my mum’s arms like a little child. It felt like I was having a complete meltdown and once that was over, I was done with cigarettes. With the support of my mom, I got through it, and Justine, the non-smoker was born.”

“I don't see myself as an ex-smoker but as a non-smoker, and if you look at it, there is a huge difference. As an ‘ex-smoker,’ you can always go back, but as non-smoker, it’s as if you never were a smoker. My health has been amazing since I stopped smoking. It has been seven years now and I finally have the lungs of a non smoker. My little girl, Alethea, is very healthy and is not sick as often or as severely as children of parents who smoke. For me, there is no going back.”

“My biggest tip to anyone who is planning to stop smoking is that it is a journey and that everyone’s journey is different. The habit doesn’t just disappear overnight, but if you truly want to stop, it is the resolve in you that will keep you going. Do it for yourself and no-one else. When I tried to stop because of pressure from my husband, I couldn’t do it. Only once I had consciously made that decision for myself, did I do it and win!”

Justine concludes, “The photo I have included is an old one – it was taken one year after I stopped smoking. It always reminds me of how great I felt and looked after giving up smoking. AND, for all those ladies who worry about gaining weight, I lost 15kgs after stopping smoking!!”

Bronwyn Hubbard Gives us Her Perspective Bronwyn is a happily married, 30-something Mum of a two-year old boy. She is a project administrator currently specialising in program planning and change control. She lives in Modderfontein, Johannesburg. Her hobbies include running, cooking, socialising and spending time with her family.

Bronwyn tells us in her own words what it took to become a non-smoker. “When I was around 18, I would light my friends’ cigarettes, or have the occasional puff on weekends but I officially started smoking when I was 19 and working on a ski resort in USA.” Bronwyn smoked for twelve years and after being asked if the negative public opinion of smokers affected her, she comments, “No, I was always very conscious and considerate of non-smokers, but I had made the bad decision, consciously or not, to be a smoker and was not affected about what people may or may not have thought.”

“I always knew how bad smoking was for me and what it was doing to my body, but the scare tactics in no way made me stop smoking. Maybe if I had seen more of the scare tactics before I started, I may have not started in the first place, but it had no effect on me once I was hooked. I think one tries to use every tool to convince oneself why one should stop smoking and saving money is definitely one I used. However, unless you want to stop, nothing really works.

After about five failed attempts to stop smoking, Bronwyn tells us why she finally decided to quit. “I never really wanted to be a smoker and beat myself up about it daily. I played provincial touch rugby, ran two marathons and a Comrades Marathon, all while smoking 20 a day - and hating that I did. I think the fact that I wanted to start a family was the final line in the sand for me. I knew that I had made a bad choice but I was not prepared to fall pregnant and make a bad decision for another person, let alone my child to be. I really wanted to have a family, and that is what made me really want to stop smoking.”

Bronwyn attended a one day seminar - Alan Carr’s Easy Way to Stop Smoking. She found it difficult to acknowledge and accept that she was addicted to something so revolting and bad for her. She says, “It takes no effort for me to remain a non-smoker, the freedom of being a non-smoker is so much more gratifying than any amount of cigarettes could ever be.”

She relates the major benefit to being a non-smoker, “Initially it was my day-to-day intimacy with my non-smoking husband. When I smoked, I was always so conscious of how I smelt, or my breath, that I often avoided a kiss or a hug so that my husband did not have inhale the smell of smoke that hung in my clothes or ‘kiss an ashtray’. Now I get to do all of that regularly and confidently. It’s been three and a half years since I stopped smoking and being a healthy woman, wife and mother is definitely the greatest gift off all!”

Eryn Bayliss-Lane Shares her Experience I used to be a professional dancer and have now branched out into the fitness industry. I am currently a S.W.E.A.T. 1000 instructor, spinning instructor and I participate in triathlons. I have always been very active throughout my school- and adult life. I am now 33 years of age. I recently moved to KZN from Johannesburg, and couldn't be happier.

I started smoking when I was 15 and was only experimenting, since my mum would smoke occasionally. So naturally, I had to see what all the fuss was about. I smoked solidly for 15 years with no intention of quitting.

I have never been a person that allows public opinion to alter my decisions. I was always mindful of people that didn’t smoke and would restrict my smoking to designated smoking areas.

The scare tactics that the media and government often use are a funny thing, because, as a smoker, they honestly never affected me - in fact quite the opposite. If I saw the pictures or labels, I would light up. It was almost as though I had the attitude that it couldn't happen to me. As for the price, buying smokes was a bit like putting petrol in my car. Even though the price goes up you still need to put fuel in it - so I always made a plan. It never effected my buying of cigarettes; I chose not to think about it.

Before I finally quit I had attempted to quit twice. I had set a date in January of 2009 and missed the date by three days. I was so disappointed in myself that I did actually stop and managed to quit then for about 6 months. I lit up again two weeks before my wedding. I smoked solidly for the next few months - again with no intention of quitting.

The last cigarette that I lit up was the day I found out I was pregnant. I went for a blood test to make 100% certain that I was pregnant, and while waiting for the results, smoked my last cigarette. My decision to stop was for the safety of my unborn baby.

It was one of the hardest things I had ever done but I was not about to risk my unborn baby's health. I did not use any patches or other items, I simply used will power. It is amazing what the mind can achieve once we have made a decision. The first two weeks were torture. My body went through physical withdrawals and I had night sweats, hallucinations and insomnia for the first three days. After that, it was just getting through each day, one day at a time. After the initial two week mark, things started to get easier. The days turned into weeks and here I am today, four years later, I still have not picked up a smoke.

My motivation for staying smoke free is my son. I am his platform to the rest of his life and if I expose him to things like smoking, it will be very likely that he will follow the same pattern. I have taken on the responsibility of being a parent and role model and it is up to me to do that to the best of my abilities.

Although I have not smoked in four years and don't intend to smoke again in my life, I still crave it every day. I am not sure that if one is an addict that one can ever fully get over that addiction. If one keeps one’s mind and willpower engaged, it will keep one on the right track. I can honestly say that if I had to light up today I would become a full time smoker again. It's my choice every day to remain smoke free.

In Conclusion It seems, quitting smoking, is like any other addiction. It has to be one’s own decision to quit. It does not seem as if price, scare tactics, health warnings, social judgments or any other factor play a major role in the individual’s decision to quit. Each individual smoker has their own private reason why they are ready to quit. One of my favourite sayings is, “You’ll do it until you don’t want to do it anymore.” That in no way negates the dangers of smoking. I think one has to be living in the remotest village on the planet not to be aware of the dangers of smoking. In that, the media has done an excellent job. I believe that social pressure will play the most significant role in brining the message home. Quitting is good for you!

What to expect during the One-Two-Free session Some clients may feel uncertain what to expect, and understandably don’t want to participate in a program not knowing first of all what to expect or secondly some clients may have some fears, which may be real or based on misconceptions.

In the ‘One-Two-Free Stop-smoking-method’, we use some of the most powerful modalities to help you to change your life for good.

During the session, we will use cognitive decision-making and bring your sub-conscious in harmony with that. This is a combination of thought, will and choice, powerful NLP-language skills and meditativehypnosis.

Some clients ask if meditativehypnotherapy entails a deep hypnotic state where they will not know whats happening around them. The answer to the question is “no”.

Deep trance or hypnosis is necessary when dealing in analytic therapy with real deep embedded issues or traumas, but when dealing with stop smoking, which is altering habitual performance, we rather want the client to be actively involved in the process.

Therefore, per definition, meditative-hypnosis is just a very relaxed state, allowing the sub-conscious mind to interact with your holistic being and bringing all the parts together in changing for the better.

Wilco Roberts is a stopsmoking specialist. He is a Pastoral Hypnotherapist and his practice, ZoeTherapy, focuses on building and growing abundant lives.

WELCOME TO… PROCRASTINATORS ANONYMOUS! Deadlines looming, but you can’t quite get yourself moving? Massive projects requiring urgent attention, yet you find yourself being distracted by a million and one unimportant tasks? Bills needing to be paid, and the mere mention of income tax sends you into an ostrich-like coma?

By Susan Schöning

I have often thought there should be a support group for people like me. People who are chronic procrastinators, who somehow find a way of delaying every single deadline, yet always seem to be frantically rushing to finish some task or project.

I tell myself that I actually perform better under stress and pressure, and so it’s in everybody’s interests really, if I just lie on the couch a little longer and finish reading this chapter. And the next. Oh, and while I am at it, why don’t I finish the book, and take a sneak preview into the opening chapters of the next book in the series. And then, I’ll get down to some serious work. Or, should I clean out the cupboard under the sink first? Or perhaps catch up on my email?

Oh, don’t get me wrong, I do usually get everything done. But often it’s at the cost of a good night’s sleep, and I end up in a flat-out panic as the deadline looms closer, trying to get everything out on time.

Sound familiar?

If you are nodding your head as you read this in recognition of a kindred spirit, then you, my friend, could be a PROCRASTINATOR. Apparently some 20% of the population suffer from this affliction (definitely large enough in my book to warrant a support group and a personalised t-shirt) – which translates to ONE in FIVE people walking around unsupervised, not paying their bills on time, avoiding those little envelopes that come from the Receiver of Revenue, and generally putting off until tomorrow what they really should be doing today!

I could tell you what you already know: Procrastination is bad for your health, your relationships and your career. It keeps you awake at night, panicking over what you have yet to do; it breeds resentment in loved ones, because it means that they have to pick up the pieces that we tend to drop along the way. Sooner or later, we procrastinators are going to over-extend ourselves, and drop a business deadline or project that could have far-reaching consequences on our career and life. But you know all that.

What you DO need to know, however, is that procrastination often comes from a desire to do too much for too many people. People like us have a tendency to say yes to too many things, to cram too much onto our plates, to over-estimate our capacity (and the time required) to complete any project. Procrastinators are not lazy. It’s not that we avoid work, quite the opposite. It’s that sometimes, we completely overwhelm ourselves with how much we have agreed to take on — all at the same time.

What you DO need to know, is that procrastinators are made and not born. Procrastination is a learned response and what has been learned can also be unlearned.

ACTION PLAN So, from procrastinator to another, here is the action plan that I use to manage my to-do list: 

Make a list of everything you have to do, and divide your task list into Project Related tasks.

Highlight them in order of priority of time required AND of importance.



Then, walk through the steps needed to finish this project. Do you see any potential obstacles that could get in the way? What are they? What can you do to overcome those obstacles? Be very clear about not just what is required in terms of meeting the end goal, but also in terms of the process to make it happen.



Once you have broken the project down into very specific tasks that need to be accomplished, set a time limit of how long you expect it take you … and then double it! Giving your self more time to accomplish a task actually helps to reduce the stress factor to a level where you can begin to think clearly. I find that it really helps me when I set an alarm to ring at the end of each time slot. The goal is firmly set in my mind that I am going to focus on this project, and nothing else, until the alarm sounds.



Set realistic boundaries for each level of work. For example, you might say to yourself, “I will work on this project for the next 45 minutes, before I check my email or cell phone. I will then give myself 10 minutes to “play” with my email, before coming back to this project.” (Email, cell phones, Facebook, social media are all tailor- made for distraction, and are the procrastinators dream, so be realistic about how much time you waste there each day).



Promise yourself a reward, even if it is a walk in the garden, a cup of coffee, or a chapter of your book; reward yourself every time you stick to the plan.



Eliminate tasks you never plan to do. If you are really honest, your to-do list is probably cluttered with things you are never really going to get around to. If you know that the garage needs cleaning out, but you have no intention of actually doing it anytime soon, then take it off the list. It simply demotivates, rather than encourages us to do more.



.

On those days that you have nothing on your to-do list … enjoy the day off without feeling guilty or irresponsible!

RECYCLE, RE-USE, UPCYCLE Raid your neighbourhood tyre shop’s back yard for scrap tyres of varying sizes. Costs should be minimal, if anything at all.

OTTOMAN REQUIREMENTS    

An old tyre or two Rope – vary textures and colours, get creative, add beading Superglue (actually a whole lot of super glue) – and gloves Four wooden feet (Guys, let us know how you attach the feet!)

KIDS GARDENS  Let the children each paint their own tyres in bright colours.  Fill with organic potting soil.  Give the kids a choice of which flowers they prefer and get them to plant the seeds. They will delight in tending for and watching their gardens grow.  Alternatively plant herb or vegetable gardens

Time to Head to the Eastern Cape

By David Batzofin

Great Fish River Lodge, Kwandwe Private Game Reserve Flying from Johannesburg to East London with Airlink was a new experience for me, as it is a route that I have not flown before. The airport is small but has all the necessary amenities, (like a coffee shop) which are often found lacking in smaller airports. My first stop was the malaria-free Great Fish River Lodge, near Grahamstown.

The lodge sits high above the Fish River and it gives guests an almost raptor-like view of the valley and its inhabitants. There are only nine suites, all of which offer the most expansive vistas from either their deck or private plunge pools.

My suite had an enormous bed, crisp linen and an indoor and outdoor shower as well as a “bath-with-a-view.�

By opening all the doors, I was able to bring the outside in, while watching wildlife parading past, looking at me while I watched them.

Looking for a snack? There is a constant supply of cookies and a ‘proper’ coffee-making machine in the lounge, which forms the focal point of lodge. Three meals are served daily and depending on the season (and the weather), they can be enjoyed either at the lodge or out on a game drive. And I am not referring to sandwiches and coffee. The padkos that the chef prepares is done right before your very eyes - from cereal to freshly baked scones. And the best scrambled eggs I have had in a long while. Back at the lodge, meals can be taken ‘al fresco’ on the deck or in the dining room. I was there for two nights, which meant that I got to eat an evening meal under the stars in the boma.

The lodge is designed to blend seamlessly into the landscape - it does that with finesse and low impact. Recently, the main public spaces were refurbished with softer fabrics in muted colours replacing leather, adding a softer, more ‘homely’ feel. Decor aside, I was here for the game viewing and I was not disappointed.

After a few ‘quiet’ game drives, I eventually spotted a mother cheetah with cubs and an elusive Black Rhino! Of interest to birders is the fact that Kwandwe offers a safe breeding ground for the endangered blue crane. Happiness for me is seeing bat-eared foxes and nocturnal aardwolves during a morning game drive.

I spent my last evening enjoying a sunset cruise on their dam. A fitting end to a wonderful stay.

Kwandwe: Telephone: 046 603 3400. Website: www.kwandwe.com

Prana Lodge, Private Beach Estate and Spa Having grown weary of early morning wake-up calls, I headed off to Prana Beach Estate and Spa located near East London. In 1902, John Masefield, in his poem, Sea Fever, wrote: “I must go down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky”…

Walking into reception at Prana Lodge was like being welcomed into the home of an old friend. The art work on the walls and plethora of Persian rugs all come from the owner’s private collection. Not only in public spaces, but even in the bathrooms of the guest accommodation.

Perhaps it is the fact that it is owner run, or maybe it is because the accommodation is limited to seven suites, but the end result is a ‘home-awayfrom-home’ in every sense of the word. For instance, if you want to know where owner Tim Davidson is, just look for his dog Diesel, and Tim will not be far behind. Looking for his wife, Gail? She will most likely be in her newly planted herb garden with its attached labyrinth.

At Prana, (meaning ‘life-force’) the suites are named after crystals, each with healing or restorative properties - hence, Turquoise, Ruby, Sapphire, Emerald, Tanzanite, Citrine. The last suite is well hidden in the indigenous dune vegetation is aptly named the Forest Suite.

Each of the suites is decorated in a colour that best represents the crystal or gemstone. I was in Tanzanite and the predominant colour of the soft furnishings was blue.

I had been tasked with measuring the beach, given the fact that the publicity states that it is 21km of unspoiled sand. I can attest to the “unspoiled” but I lacked the resources or the fitness to accurately measure and affirm the publicity claim. That being said, I was able to walk for more than an hour in both directions without tripping over sun worshippers in deck chairs.

Dolphins and whales are found along this stretch of coastline. Unfortunately I did not get to see either.

What I did find on one of my beach excursions, was a large sea lion playing in the waves close to shore.

I was able to get a picture to confirm the sighting.

While I enjoyed walking, relaxing and eating, the more adventurous guests were off horse riding, hiking and fishing. Speaking of eating … breakfast and lunch were relaxed meals normally served on the patio.

The evening meal is the stuff that legends are made of! My fine dining experience created in the small bustling kitchen would not be out of place in any major city restaurant anywhere in the world.

Many of the staff were originally part of the labour force that built the lodge. They have been re-skilled and are a credit to the resourcefulness of the owners. The word ‘relax’ is appropriate, as no 5am wakeup calls for game drives loomed, and waking up in a leisurely fashion was a huge bonus for me.

A Thai Wellness center and Spa is situated away from the heart of the property and offers guests an opportunity to unwind and relax in calm surroundings. Here I was pummelled, prodded and stretched, and came away feeling rejuvenated.

Moat of the products used in the spa have ingredients that are sourced form Gail’s herb garden. Prana Lodge is a getaway that will nurture mind, body and soul.

Prana Beach Estate and Spa: Telephone: 043 704 5100. Website: www.pranalodge.co.za

David Batzofin is a travel writer, broadcaster, photographer and educator.

Based in Johannesburg, he enjoys Africa and cruising.

My Blog: www.davidbatzofin.com

ABOUT CO-SANC CO-SANC is a compassionate, no-kill scientifically run cat shelter and animal adoption centre. We DO NOT euthanaese, except in rare cases of terminal illness or incurable suffering.

We charge R500 adoption fee, which includes sterilizing, vaccinating, deworming, testing for cat viruses, micro chipping and full health checks. This is all done on admission so we carry the costs upfront and the cats are ready for adoption immediately. The adoption fee ensures the commitment by the new owners.

CONTACT DETAILS Melanie 084 958 8073 / Dr Shelagh Hahn 082 892 1269 / Chelsea 074 563 8654 Email: cosancats@yahoo.co.za

Please adopt your next pet from us, or assist us with donations.

We thank you.