Copyright ©️ Liz Mytton 2019.
Rewind
Liz Mytton asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
Characters DUB MASTER M.C. MAY BACKBENCHERS THE OPPOSITION CROWD
person controlling the music an MCing version of Theresa May greying politician(s)- can be puppets a red, three-headed monster people watching performance
Scene 1 There is a small stage with a green sofa, like the parliament benches, giant speakers set up next to it. Above it is a banner, reading ‘HOUSE OF RHETORIC’. M.C. MAY is seated here reading notes. To one side there is a sound desk with laptop, where the ‘Dub Master’ (D’M) or ‘Selector’ is controlling the riddim (rhythm/backing music). He moves amongst the audience giving away coloured wristbands, asking ‘What colour you follow? Red or Blue? Or maybe you like a bit of white, so you can stay neutral?’ etc, all in casual, banter-like style. He also gives away a couple whistles. Some generic reggae beat is playing, and then the D’M steps up to the stage with a mic. D’M All the way from London Downing Street, playing for the first time in Birmingham, give it up and make some big noise for the mouthpiece of the Strong and Stable Collective, M.C. MAY!
M.C. MAY stands from sofa, very formal in style. She is wearing a suit, grey wig, large blue ‘strong and stable’ sash and holding a mic, ready to perform. MAY
Play di’ riddim, Dub Master!
Music kicks in. M.C. MAY starts dancing badly, but confidently. MAY
Been three years now since me cast my spell After Cameron drop de EU bombshell Remain or leave, nobody could tell Now de whole a’ de country bin sent straight to hell
But as time moved on, I started to see Confusion presents an opportunity So I left de Home Office bureaucracy To stand tall as de boss a’ de Tory Party
Music stops abruptly. CROWD Rewind, M.C. MAY, rewind! Music starts from beginning again. D’M
M.C. MAY on de microphone! Mek some noise!
M.C. MAY is emboldened by the crowd and starts again. MAY
Been three years now since me cast my spell After Cameron drop de EU bombshell Remain or leave, nobody could tell Now de whole a’ de country sent straight to hell
But as time moved on, I started to see Confusion presents opportunity So I left de Home Office bureaucracy To stand tall as de boss a’ de Tory Party
Now I must have been mad cos I failed to see Dat a big time job brings insecurity Haffi prove my worth front a’ camera screen Wid a general election made jus’ fi me
Den de business go from bad to worse When UKIP lie ‘bout de UK purse Nuff people a’ bawl ‘bout doctor an’ nurse An’ dem poverty under the EU curse
(CHORUS) Give me one likkle chance Stick wid de dance Cos I’m strong an’ stable Yes, strong an’ stable (Repeat)
Enter BACKBENCHERS, all dressed in identical grey suits, looking old and disheveled, with grey hair and briefcases. They shuffle in rhythmically, eyeballing the audience seriously. They dance awkwardly along with M.C. MAY, who steps up her movement. She is drinking greedily from a large glass/bottle.
MAY Yes, that’s nice. Time for some relaxation, time to remember back in the day, before we needed legislation and committees to come together, when music was all it took for us to move in the same direction.
MAY
You can point an’ laugh at my dance moves But majority still wan’ fe follow my tune So let’s toast progress wid Wray an’ Nephew See de whole damn world paint in Royal blue
BACKBENCHERS and THE OPPOSITION start dancing slowing together, held in a loving embrace.
If you black, give thanks when you go to church Cos is me try fe clamp down on stop an’ search You can torture an’ whip me wid cane an’ birch Tek a miracle to knock me from off a’ my perch
Hey, wah dis? (what’s this?)
Enter THE OPPOSITION, a massive 3-headed monster – face of Corbyn, McDonnell and Abbott. They are red and angrylooking, and dance in, bouncing aggressively. They head for the BACKBENCHERS and start to engage in a dance-off confrontation. D’M
Maybe time for a different vibe, alright?
Music switches to a gentler, Lover’s Rock type tune.
MAY
(Singing) I’m on your side! I’m on your side!
While the music plays, M.C. MAY dances on the stage, while snippets of her speeches are played as a voiceover. It ends with her promises of leaving the EU at the end of March, then end of June, then the October extension. We hear a ‘rewind’ sound and the dancers break apart. BACKBENCHERS return to shuffling and THE OPPOSITION dance off towards M.C. MAY, a bit of intimidation. MAY
(desperate) Give me one likkle chance Just stick wid de dance Cos I’m strong an’ stable Yes, strong an’ stable (Repeat)
M.C. MAY collapses on her sofa crying as THE OPPOSITION join the BACKBENCHERS on the dance floor again. This time they start squabbling, engaging the audience to get views across, getting louder and louder, more and more agitated, until M.C. MAY runs off the stage, jumps in between them all. They all stop suddenly, striking a mob pose, leaning towards the crowd. MAY I resign! You’re killing the vibe. Play a tune, selecta! Music kicks in. END ‘Curtain call’ as music plays.