Copyright ©️ Liz Mytton 2019.
The Antidote
Liz Mytton asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
Characters DR FEELGOOD DR ZOMBIE 1 DR ZOMBIE 2 ZOMBIE GROUP SYRINGE
fresh faced and enthusiastic junior doctor a doctor or nurse, attached to a drip a doctor or nurse, attached to oxygen dancing zombies x 4 the antidote
ZOMBIE GROUP of doctors and nurses enter, pushing DR ZOMBIE 1 & DR ZOMBIE 2 in a bed sleeping, hooked up to blood and oxygen. They then move slowly through the audience, checking them for signs of life. They mumble to themselves: ZOM 3
This is one sick looking crowd.
ZOM 4
Which is why we’re here. All full of disease.
ZOM 5
Same here. Very weak pulse.
ZOM 6 Maybe we should just give up? ZOM 3 It’s almost break time (looks at watch) – just 5 hours to go. ZOM 6
I’m so tired though!
ZOM 4 Just do you’re job and stay posit...stay posit...just keep moving.
ZOM 2
I dreamt I’d have a family Be free from pain and strife
ZOM 5
ZOM 1
Who knew we’d work til we broke down In trying to meet our goal
ZOM 2
But something really had to give Never knew it would be my soul
ALL
I got so much things to say right now I got so much things to say I got so much things to say right now I got so much things to say But I get on with my work
They all look so sick. I mean, look at them.
The ZOMBIES look at the audience in disgust, shaking their heads. ALL
I got so much things to say right now I got so much things to say I got so much things to say right now I got so much things to say But I get on with my work
They keep singing/humming to themselves, while setting up a medical camp, using sheets, bandages and other supplies to make a canopy. They wake up DR ZOMBIE 1 & DR ZOMBIE 2. ZOM 6
Time’s up, back to work.
DR ZOMBIE 1 & DR ZOMBIE 2 stretch and get up reluctantly. ZOMBIE 3 & 6 take their places in the bed, hooking themselves up to the drip and oxygen. Rest of ZOMBIE doctors act as backing while ZOM 1 & 2 share their stories. ZOM 1
I used to feel so human I used to feel alive
All ZOMBIES take out some supplies and start treating the audience. They hand out pills saying, ‘They look like Tic Tacs, but I assure you, they’re 100% probably effective for whatever it is that you have’ and ‘Fresh breath goes a long way to dealing with physical and mental illness’. They paint a banner using blood from a transfusion unit, with a giant red cross. DR FEELGOOD enters with a swagger, confident wearing a white coat, slick hair and expression, and starts using stethoscope, offering sticking plasters and listening to blood pressure of audience. He is charming and attentive, making health related conversation with crowd eg. ‘Nice healthy pulse there, eh? Keep up the good work. And you, madam, how many apples have you eaten this week? 6? Try doubling that, okay?’
DR F
My name is Dr Feelgood My specialism Joy I like to spread good vibes around While playing with my toys (swings stethoscope around)
No situation fazes me No sickness has me scared Cos I’m armed with the positivity And I’m predisposed to care
Of course I’m new to doctoring A novice in your eyes But I’m, The top of the class, the cream of the crop The best that debt can buy
I’ve dreamed of being a doctor Since I was in the womb My Dad was a surgeon, my mother a shrink This plant was set to bloom
But they told me not to follow them As they shared a dark flashback Tales of doctors hooked on prescription meds Like the walking dead on crack
The regaled me with their tales of woe As I donned my new white coat ‘Son, an apple a day goes a long long way, but You’ll still need the antidote’
‘The Antidote?’ I asked perplexed Then they gave it to me straight The NHS is desperate for Some magic in its veins ALL The NHS is holding out for some magic in its veins
DR F
My colleagues are fantastic Rarely fail to make the grade Though in truth it’s hard to ignore They look a little bit decayed
I won’t moan about the data Or get worried by the news Of doctors led to suicide Or rampant drug abuse
My colleagues are just different Nothing wrong about her face She just likes to take some respite time By staring into space
ALL We like to take some respite by staring into space. We’re too hard to replace. This is a real disgrace. ALL
We got so much things to say right now We got so much things to say We got so much things to say right now
We got so much things to say But we get on with our work You better get on with your work
DR FEELGOOD gets in the bed with the other two, as the others spin the bed around. They take turns getting in and out of the bed. They hold up cards/calendars showing the passage of time – ‘6 MONTHS LATER’. They ALL emerge from bed, but now DR FEELGOOD has dark eyes and a bleeding mouth – he’s becoming a zombie too. They all dance forward in tired procession, until their routine is broken by dramatic music – think ‘2001: A Space Odyssey’. The ANTIDOTE enters and hands them a note, which they open and read eagerly. DR F
This is the key, so says this note ‘Contains a single measure Of concentrated antidote’ We’ve found ourselves some treasure!
Here’s twenty thousand medical staff Five thousand docs included The side effects will make you laugh With not a soul excluded
Will cure future anxiety And high consultant fees Proven to kill cold apathy And zombie tendencies
They all look at each other and then quickly line up, with DR FEELGOOD at the front, waiting for the ANTIDOTE. ZOM 1 Oh no, look at the label! (Peeling back label from back of ANTIDOTE which reads ‘BANKRUPT STOCK, EXP 2003) DR F
So things will stay the same?
ZOM 2 Of course not! (Looking at others) Ready everyone? They nod, then move towards DR FEELGOOD. DR F
Hey, why am I to blame?
They pounce on DR FEELGOOD, each taking a bite and leaving him in a heap. ALL
We got so much things to say right now We got so much things to say We got so much things to say right now We got so much things to say But we get on with our work You better get on with your work
DR FEELGOOD gets up and joins them as they start their rounds in the audience again, questioning audience about their health and taking temperatures and blood pressures. END