7 minute read
Dementia caregiving
12 steps modified Hope and tips for the dementia caregiver
By Barbara Hinther
When you cross deep rivers, I will be with you, and you won’t drown. When you walk through fire, you won’t be burned or scorched by the flames. I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, the God who saves you. – Isaiah 43:2-3 or care home social worker, websites and online blogs. I visited many dementia blogs and websites in the middle of the night and would receive love and support from other dementia caregivers from all over the world. Did it fix the situation? No. However, we can keep going knowing we are loved and we’re not alone. But you will be alone more than you realize. Your friends and family may feel
Everywhere are 12-step programs for awkward and even afraid of your loved alcohol, drugs, co-dependence, gambling one’s illness. They don’t want to acknowland more, but I used the 12-steps, es- edge that in this fallen world, this could pecially the first three, to cope with my happen to them. It has nothing to do with husband’s Lewy Body Dementia. The you. Don’t take it on. Enlist their help. 12-steps are based on a spiritual program They’ll feel relieved and glad to support and complement the Scriptures very well, in the way that they can. For instance, especially when coping with a terminal they can pick up prescriptions or grocerdisease like dementia. I used the 12-step ies. Mow the lawn. Babysit your loved one program and some of its suggestions to so you can take a well-deserved nap. Pick navigate this darkness. Some examples up some takeout. Provide transportation include: to the doctor. 1. Admitted we were powerless over Ask a trusted, nonjudgmental alcohol and that our lives have become friend to just listen to you. Not fix unmanageable. I substituted the word the situation. They can’t. They can be “alcohol” with the frightening word a companion in your dementia journey. “dementia”. We are powerless. Dementia They may not know what to say. That’s does make life very unmanageable. God The author’s husband took this photo of his wife, okay. Sharing your experience and feelis with us. Barbara Hinther, with her horse Pete. Barbara’s spouse ings helps educate our communities, 2. Came to believe that a Power (I suffered from Lewy Body Dementia. churches and synagogues. It reminds the inserted God) greater than ourselves community just how lonely caregiving is. could restore us to sanity. The dementia caregiver doubts They, too, may be there someday. Telling your story shines a their own sanity while navigating this horrible and terminal light on the unique and stressful challenges of being a caregivillness, especially at the end of the journey. er. I had an older, faithful dog that listened and comforted too. 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to Don’t discount the help of a faithful pet. the care of God as we understand Him. This is very difficult! Local churches are willing to help. Fear of being My will was to have a healthy and present spouse. God’s will overcome by well-meaning converts may make you hesitate. is never for harm. Our enemy’s is. The enemy has been called Choose a faith/church you are somewhat familiar with. the Father of Lies and a murderer. Faith will be tested. This is Keep a journal. You may share it someday with another the heartbreak of living in a fallen world. caregiver. The best healers are wounded healers. Our Savior
Notice that these first three steps are about you, your emo- was wounded for our sake and can relate to your suffering. tional, physical and spiritual health first and foremost. It must You will be on alert. Frazzled. PTSD-like. Tempted to drink be. Your loved one needs a healthy caregiver. As has been said too much, shop too much, eat too much and more. Anything on countless airplanes before departure: put YOUR oxygen for immediate relief. When you do, forgive yourself, love yourmask on first. These first three steps give us a foundation and self, have compassion for yourself and pray. faith to cope. Forgive, when you are able, those that abandon you.
Caring for your loved one with dementia, like the 12-step It happens. That’s another unforeseen challenge that happens program, is a one-day-at-a-time process. Again, it must be. We to the caregiver. You don’t want to add resentment to your must live in the present. There is a popular book called the trial. “36-Hour Day”, which describes the practical challenges of The Serenity Prayer is another help I used, courtesy of the dementia caregiving. Our days are 36 hours or more. 12-step program. I used it daily and sometimes hourly.
The financial worries, the decision to commit your loved one God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot to a care home or hospice, the midnight crises are too much to change, the courage (and it takes lots of courage) to change take on alone. God walks with you. You can’t always feel His the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. presence, but He’s there. God cares for you, so turn all your Until there is a cure, my heart and prayers are with you, felworries over to him (1 Peter 5:7). low caregivers. n
The 12-step program also stresses outside help. With the lock-downs and isolation due to the coronavirus, help is still Barbara Hinther is the author of “Meditations and Encouravailable. You may contact your local Office on Aging, hospital agement for the Caregiver of a Loved One With Dementia.” She may be reached at barbarahinther@gmail.com.
Financial gains Continued from page 27
2. Give to support God’s work. Start with what you can contribute today and strive to increase your giving to a full tithe or more. 2 Corinthians 9:7 states we should give what we have decided in our heart to give. I believe this is encouraging us to exceed our giving above tithing, not less.
3. Create a budget that focuses on your true
needs. Allocate an amount for giving and saving first. Also, include an amount for unforeseen expenses that may occur.
4. Prayerfully consider every major purchase.
Before shopping, determine how much you are prepared to pay and stick with it. Create a savings account for major purchases. I maintain a savings fund that I contribute to each month for replacing my auto. When it comes time to trade vehicles, I have a set amount of cash available. This eliminates the temptation to pay too much and reduces the stress of negotiating since I have an established amount to pay. That said, avoid blowing your entire savings on material items. Again, strive to achieve a balance between giving, saving and spending. 5. Be careful with debt. Not all debt is bad. Very few people purchase a home without a mortgage. However, your mortgage payment should not exceed 25% of your income. If it does, you are buying a home that you cannot afford. If you use credit cards, pay them off monthly. If you are carrying a credit card balance, then you are spending beyond your means.
Image by Nattanan Kanchanaprat from Pixabay
Regardless of whether you are among those whose finances improved over the past year, now is a good time to develop a financial plan for the future. Prayerfully consider how to put it to best use to serve God. Remember, it’s still our responsibility to be good stewards with the abundance that God has provided. Take care and may God bless! n Terry Frisk is a partner in the firm B2B CFO, providing financial advisory services to small businesses. He also counsels individuals on personal financial matters through the Cathedral of the Rockies Budget Counseling ministry. He may be contacted through e-mail at terry_frisk@msn.com.
During my last few years caring for my husband, I found lots of medical and psychological information, but very little to give hope, comfort, and strength for the caregiver. Until there is a cure, my prayers and comfort are yours through this little book.
A Timely Devotional By Barbara Hinther
Available as an e-book, paperback b k b k or hardcover with these online retailers:
Caretakers feel free to reach out to Barbara at barbarahinther@gmail.com New Getaway Packages
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