Leadership Series by cindalu2

CCL Chantell Cooley Leadership Discussion Series

Welcome to our small group discussion series. I am so excited for the adventure you are about to embark on together. Each week you will be connecting with each other and learning so much about the others in your group. But I also hope you discover a lot about yourself during the next few weeks. I hope this is an eye-opening experience that you will remember the rest of your college career and possibly for the rest of your life. My friend Bob Alsop, president of Waldorf University, and I will be sharing some life lessons with you and hope to inspire you every week. Here are some tips for getting the most of out of this experience:

Tips for Successful Lessons • • •

Make time for small group discussions. Try to clear your schedule and clear your mind so you can focus on the discussions 100%. Listen to others as you go through each lesson. Listening is a huge part of learning so make sure to give others the time they need to express themselves. Listen to yourself as you go through each lesson, also. Try to open yourself up as much as you feel comfortable. Each week, you may become more and more comfortable with the people around you.

Get ready for an amazing semester of growth, fellowship and fun!

Chantell Cooley Leadership Discussion Series SERIES 1

RELATIONSHIPS Week 1 — About Me...........................................................................................................4 Week 2 — Your Relationships...........................................................................................6 Week 3 — Friendships........................................................................................................8 Week 4 — Networking to Build Relationships......................................................... 10 Week 5 — Building Each Other Up............................................................................ 12 SERIES 2

THE JOURNEY TO FIND YOURSELF Week 1 — Finding your Purpose.................................................................................... 13 Week 2 — Know Yourself................................................................................................. 15 Week 3 — Make Your Days Count.............................................................................. 16 Week 4 — Walk Humbly................................................................................................. 18 SERIES 3

LEADERSHIP Week 1 — What kind of leader are you?.................................................................. 20 Week 2 — What kind of team do you have?..........................................................22 Week 3 — Motivating Your Team................................................................................ 23 Week 4 — Knowing When to Be a Follower...........................................................26 Week 5 — Surveying the Land As a Leader............................................................ 27 Week 6 — Leading efficiently and successfully.......................................................29 Week 7 — Reading Others............................................................................................. 31 Week 8 — Co-Chairs....................................................................................................... 33 Week 9 — Social Media and You................................................................................35

SERIES 1

RELATIONSHIPS A good friend is a priceless treasure in your life. They help you make decisions, spend quality time with you and are there when you need a shoulder to cry on. We all need good friends to share in visions, goals, joys and even hardships. You will find out that life is all about relationships. The topic for this month is Relationships and their purpose in your life. In all leadership positions, creating positive relationships will be the key to your success. Learning to build relationships on different levels whether you are at home, at college, at work, at church or in your clubs, will help you move forward and open many doors for you.

Week 1 â&#x20AC;&#x201D; About Me During the next four weeks you will meet with your group of 4-5 and discuss the following connecting questions. Please use the following to guide your conversation:

First of all, letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s get to know you! Take time to interview each other. 1. Where are you from? Do you have siblings? Pets?

2. How old are you? 3. When is your birthday? 4. What are your likes and dislikes? Strengths and weaknesses?

5. What are your aspirations for your life?

6. Where do you see yourself in the next 4 years?

7. Where do you find your strength? Explain in detail. You might have a story you can tell.

8. What is your definition of a good relationship and how have they benefited or not benefited you?

In all leadership positions, creating positive relationships will be the key to your success.

Week 2 — Your Relationships It is very important to have relationships. To build friendships, you must understand that being a friend is a two-way street. To get the perks of a great friendship, you have to be a great friend. If you learn to do this, you will always be fulfilled. By giving back to friends, you get so much in return. I am very picky about who surrounds me. I call it my “inner circle”. In the past, I have met a new friend and quickly realized they were not good for me. They may get jealous of my success or they would not be as good to me as I was to them. Those friendships were not healthy for me and sooner rather than later, they would not be a part of my inner circle. For me, I need strong friends who encourage me who won’t tear me down. I need friends who are there for me and let me be myself. There are times I just need to express how I feel and someone to just listen rather than judge me for it.

Who do you have in your inner circle?

Do they build you up or tear you down? Do they listen to you through the hard times?

These are valuable questions to ask yourself. I always evaluate my inner circle. Remember your time is valuable and whom you let in your inner circle is very important. Be a friend who is encouraging. Be the friend you would want to have in your life. One thing is for sure—building relationships will always be a part of your life. The better you get at it, the more successful you will be in most every area of your life.

Questions for Group Discussion: 1. Where do you find your strength? Explain in detail. You might have a story you can tell.

2. Why are friendships important?

3. Would you want to be your friend? Why or why not? Give three areas that you feel make you a valuable friend.

4. Recall a time that you might have been hurt by a friend and what you learned from it.

5. Name the last time you helped a friend.

To get the perks of a great friendship, you have to be a great friend.

Week 3 — Friendships “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” —Jim Rohn, motivational speaker and businessman Perhaps you have heard this phrase before. I have not seen any scientific studies that would affirm the validity of this statement, but there does seem to be an inherent truth to the concept. So for the purposes of this week’s discussion, let’s take this at face value for your small group discussions.

Please use the following to guide your conversation: Questions for Group Discussion 1. Excluding the people in your group, who are the five people with whom you spend the most time?

2. What characteristics do these people share?

3. Name a characteristic that would be unique to each individual.

4. To what extent have these characteristics (both shared and unique) impacted you positively?

5. To what extent have these characteristics (both shared and unique) impacted you negatively?

6. What characteristics would these people say you have?

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” —Jim Rohn, motivational speaker and businessman

Week 4 — Networking to Build Relationships What is Networking? This is a buzz word in the corporate world, but we all do it every day. It is simply meeting others and finding out about what they do. Essentially, try to find common ground with another person and determine if you can both be of help to one another. As you move yourself forward in college you will find that networking is essential in building relationships. In building your clubs, you will find yourself networking with other students letting them know all about your club and how getting involved can be an advantage to them. When you network, you are constantly creating new relationships. Before you know it, your club has grown twice the size. When I was 16 years old I was networking. I had no idea what I was doing, but I was learning to engage with others. I really attribute this skill to most all of my success today. Learning about the benefits of networking when I was your age has carried over into my adult life and caused me to be extremely fulfilled. I capitalized on building relationships. Now in my job, I am networking constantly. You will find in most jobs you will need to network and meet others. Your job will require it. As an adult, I network not to see what someone can do for me, but to see what I can do for them. You never know—the next person you meet could connect you to something that you need for your future. I encourage you to step out of your comfort zone this week and meet 5 new people. Network and build relationships. Invite them to join your club or come to your study group. You might make someone’s day by just reaching out and offering your friendship.

Questions for Group Discussion 1. What is networking to you? What is your networking style?

2. How do you think building relationships is key to your success now and in the future?

3. Talk about a relationship with someone in your life that has given you direction and purpose.

4. Talk about ways you can build your club or inner circle through networking.

5. Strategize on ways you can reach out to others to make a difference in their lives. Reflect on the ways you are benefiting from these connections as well.

I encourage you to step out of your comfort zone this week and meet 5 new people. Network and build relationships.

Week 5 â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Building Each Other Up One of the great thing well-functioning teams provide is support. However, not all groups are well-functioning. Often, this is due to misconceptions, misunderstandings, and a lack of communication between group members. This is where a leader can step up and reset the group dynamics. One simple strategy I have used to try to reset a group dynamic is to write each member an individual note of support identifying one trait, skill, or behavior of that person I respect and admire. The impact this note can have is twofold: 1) affirm that the person has a vital role to play within the group, and 2) reinforce behaviors that are constructive for group dynamics.

Take Action For this week, instead of meeting, I would like you to send a note, text, or email to members of your small group. It does not need to be long, but should be sincere.

SERIES 2

THE JOURNEY TO FIND YOURSELF In the next few weeks we will be diving deeper with our group discussions. These discussions will be a little more introspective and cause you to reflect on many aspects of your life. Don’t be afraid! These will be important lessons.

Week 1 — Finding your Purpose There are always different seasons in your life just like there are seasons with our weather. Sometimes there are seasons in life when everything is just clicking and other times, nothing is working out and your purpose for your life is nowhere to be found. Finding your purpose can be hard if you look too far ahead. Sometimes your purpose is right in front of you. Maybe it does not look like what you thought or maybe it has nothing to do with your dream but there it is right in front of you. I mentor many young college-aged students and this is the one thing that seems to really cause such confusion. One student I mentored had all these big dreams but became upset when everything wasn’t happening at once. It was very discouraging for her and many times she got depressed wondering why her dreams seemed so far away. I encouraged her and reminded her to first look right in front of her and that this was a season in her life that might just be preparing her for future success. We have to know that there will be so many twists and turns and changing of seasons in our lives before we get to that moment where you can say, “I have found my purpose!” Your purpose is normally right in front of you, even if you can’t see it. Maybe you have a job that is not exactly what you were wanting but this job might be the open door that leads eventually to your purpose. Each season of your life will get you closer to your purpose. I encourage you to make strides to go after what is placed in front of you. It might not be what you want but it could be a door opener for something new in your life.

Take time to look at where you are today and take action on your purpose. It might just be right in front of you. Questions for Group Discussion 1. What are you passionate about right now in your life? Name three activities/ focuses of your interest in this season of your life.

2. Write down how you could use the passions listed above for the good of others and the world. How can you turn your passions into your purpose?

Week 2 — Know Yourself Who am I? What is my essence? These are questions that theologians, psychologists, and philosophers have long debated. “Know Thyself” was inscribed at the Temple of Apollo in ancient Delphi. In Hamlet, Polonius instructs his son, “To thine own self be true.” But what is the self? Are we, as John Locke suggested, born tabula rasa (a blank slate), and our experiences alone make up who we are? Or does our consciousness precede our existence, where our identity is inscribed in our birth either through our DNA or a spiritual entity? Either way, being intentional about knowing yourself is vital in your role as a leader and a team member. For this week in your groups, spend just a few minutes joining in the debate outlined above.

Questions for Group Discussion: 1. Do you believe our identity is built into our DNA or created through our experiences?

2. What aspect of your identity seem to be consistent from as long as you can remember?

3. How has your environment shaped who you are? –family, friends, events, faith journey, etc.

4. Do you think someone’s identity can change? Why or why not?

Week 3 — Make Your Days Count Each day is a choice. It can be just another day or a day that really matters. There are days when everything is working out just right and days that you want to throw in the towel. Taking charge of your days and making them count will cause great success in every area of your life. I used to always evaluate my days on a scale of “good” or “bad.” My day was based on if I got all my emails sent out and finished my projects. As you can imagine I did not have many “good days.” I also dreaded most of my days and weeks instead of embracing my days and looking forward to new opportunities and journeys. I realized how unhappy I was and I began to make a shift. One area I looked at was how much time I spent with people at work. I like to check-in on my staff and make sure things are good for them. This is a relationship-building time and it is very important to me. One thing I did wrong was not count this as something that mattered. It was just a tiny task that really meant nothing–just something I could put a check mark beside. But later, I realized, it was some of the most important time in my day. These relationship sessions seemed to make more of a difference than any tiny email or report I could complete. As I began to see my days differently, I no longer had bad days like before. I started feeling like each and every day I wake up matters and I can show for it in the relationships, conversations and positive actions that were being changed. Each night I go to bed and I can rest knowing that I gave it my all that day and even when I did not get all my emails completed I still made my day count!

Tips to Make Your Day Count • • •

Write out everything you want to accomplish in the mornings–from small tasks to big projects, get it all down so you can focus on your plans for the day. Don’t dread your days. They are opportunities to change lives. You might not feel it in the mornings, but if you focus on success, usually your day starts changing. Review all you did at the end of the day and celebrate! You made your day count.

Questions for Group Discussion 1. Evaluate your daily routine. In what ways do you feel you may be wasting your time on energy?

2. How do you feel you could better plan out your day to get the most out of it?

3. Put your plans into action, and next week, tell your group how you have changed your day-to-day routine for the better.

Each day is a choice. It can be just another day or a day that really matters.

Week 4 — Walk Humbly I have a framed verse from the book of Micah on my desk. It reads, “And what doth the Lord require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God.” This framed verse was a gift from my mother after I got a large promotion. Such a sentiment is not unusual coming from my mother. While my mother was always very supportive and encouraging, she was always quick to keep me grounded whenever I was fortunate enough to receive some accolade, award, or just good luck. “Don’t let it go to your head,” she would always say. This Bible verse and my mom’s admonition are great advice, particularly in the context of leadership. These three actions of “do justly,” “love mercy,” and “walk humbly” all require us to focus on others not ourselves. To be just, merciful, and humble all require us to put others’ needs before our own. One of the biggest trappings of being in a leadership role is a sense of entitlement that can come from holding a privileged position. We can most readily see instances of this in our political system where elected officials seem to be more interested in elevating their own status rather than serving the people that elected them. But even when there is not an abuse of power, there is often a perception of entitlement of which leaders must be aware. Effective leaders attempt to avoid even the appearance of entitlement. As leaders of your campus, you enjoy a privileged position. In your groups this week, I would like you to have a frank discussion of how that can create an appearance of entitlement and what you can do to avoid that perception.

Questions for Group Discussion 4. How can you avoid the appearance of entitlement in a leadership position?

5. Name a time that you, or someone close to you, did not walk humbly in a leadership position.

6. Why, in your own words, is it important to be humble?

â&#x20AC;&#x153;And what doth the Lord require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God.â&#x20AC;?

SERIES 3

LEADERSHIP If you are reading this, YOU are a leader. You have got this far in your life—you have graduated high school, you got into college and you have become a leader on campus. Just judging by these facts, you are a leader. While at first, leadership sounds fun, it can be taxing and stressful if not done right. I hope to prepare you this semester with the qualities you need to become a great leader.

Week 1 — What kind of leader are you? All of you are leaders. You may not always feel like one at all times and you may be a follower at times, but deep down inside you, you I know you are all true leaders. You can ask anyone who works with me, I am a huge believer in the DISC test (http:// discpersonalitytesting.com/free-disc-test/). I ask everyone around me to take this test and it allows me to understand my skills and methods as much as it helps me understand others. I am mainly D with some I. This means that I am usually direct and strong-willed but at the same time I am optimistic and lively. Many times, when I meet people, I can already guess what an individual might register as on the DISC test. But sometimes, it’s harder to tell, and to understand others more, I ask them to take this test. Knowing yourself is the first step to reaching your leadership potential. This week, I want you to take this test on your own then comment with your results. Let me know if you agree or disagree with the results. Specifically reference certain traits that are listed and give examples of situations in your life in which you have demonstrated these qualities.

Questions for Discussion 1. What were your test results? Do you agree or disagree?

2. What can you learn from your results that will help the way you deal with others?

Notice what your group members write about themselves and work to understand their processes and methods so you can better work together this semester!

Knowing yourself is the first step to reaching your leadership potential.

Week 2 — What kind of team do you have? A potential pitfall that all leaders face is assuming your team is either like you or should be like you. It can be frustrating at times when team members respond differently than we expect or they handle a situation in a completely different manner than we would. But such tension is inevitable. After all, we come from different backgrounds and different experiences. Beyond that, I bet you can identify people (maybe siblings) that have had a very similar upbringing, yet have very different personalities. While sometimes leaders can create clear expectations that impact individuals to perform better, it is not necessarily possible or even efficient to try to “fix” people. All personality types have strengths and weaknesses. Therefore, we will be able to better handle personality conflict by understanding our own personality and other personality types. For this week, I would like you to take another personality test. Please go to www.16personalities.com. Take the test and meet with your group members to discuss the results.

Questions for Group Discussion 1. How accurate is the personality description of you? Spend some time exploring your type and the types of others in the group, particularly in the areas of strengths and weaknesses, career path, and workplace habits.

2. Have you taken this test before? Has it changed since you took it last?

3. After seeing your results, how do you think you will change how you interact with others?

*BRIEF DISCLAIMER: A personality test cannot define you and personalities change over time. Use this to better understand where you are at this moment and how you relate to others, rather than a tool of self-definition.*

Week 3 — Motivating Your Team Throughout life you will have many opportunities to be on a team. You might even lead a team. Being a part of a team means sharing a common goal with others. In my experience, leading teams has been a great opportunity for me to grow. Most of the time I am either the leader or co-leader of a team. Even though I love being a leader, a lot of work goes into building up your team. You cannot just go in and everyone accept you. You have to spend time individually with your team and get to know them and ask them what part they would like to play on the team. What does this do? First of all, it allows each team member to gain understanding of your role and their role. You might be the leader or co-leader but you are not a leader who leads alone. You lead with the entire group. Have you ever been on a team where the leader leads above everyone else? They just demand and request things of you in a very overpowering way. They don’t want to get to know you and it seems they just like to boss everyone around. How does that make you feel? When you lose the support of your team, you will lose your goal. If you lead this way, I can guarantee you that you will fail as a leader. One person cannot do what many can do. Leaders need their teams to help them all be successful.

Each person has a talent to give to the team. We must remember every person is different and they respond differently to your actions. As I lead teams, I am looking for the best ways for us to get close and work together. If I can do that, then we become successful together. There is nothing better than seeing a group of people come together and overlook their differences as they reach towards a goal. Each person has a talent to give to the team. We must remember every person is different and they respond differently to your actions. Some have personalities that might rub you the wrong way and others might have personalities that are just like you. Oftentimes, we don’t think a person can be a good team leader because they don’t think like we do. But that is not true. By now, you should have taken the personality test. As you can see, there are many different ways we all can think. I need people around me that think differently than I do and are more strategic and detailed. They will help 23

me figure out how to get to a goal. For me, I know the goal but cannot get to it without someone that is opposite of me. They have something I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have and by accepting that I have weaknesses and allowing that team member who has those strengths to help me, is a perfect situation. That is how a team should work. If you are not the leader of the team, remember you have an important place, too. The worst thing that one can do is become jealous of the leader. I have seen this happen so many times. They want the position and refuse to listen to the leader. They judge them and really cause the team to fall apart. One thing I always remember is that I might not like the leader I am under, but I have a responsibility to respect them and do my best to follow them. If you want to be a good leader, you have to learn to follow other leaders. You cannot be the one to lead all the time. Some of my best leaders are those who follow me. And over time I watch them and I promote them to be a leader. Because they did not disrupt the team, but they helped the team and found their place. As you are a part of a team, remember to know your place in the group. Whether you are the leader or a follower, your place is of utmost importance. Reach out to the leader and let them know you are on their team and would be available to help in any way. When someone on my team does this, I know I can use them to help me lead and lead others. Remember, you cannot lead a team that does not want to be led. If you take time to learn how teams work, you will be very successful in life. As you start your job in the future, you might not lead at first but you will be a follower. You will eventually work your way up maybe one day to lead. Take time to exercise these key points on leading while you are in college. You will be way ahead of most and be noticed by your employer as having great understanding on how teams are run.

Questions for Group Discussion 1. Name a time that you were a leader and personalities in a group affected the way you lead your team.

2. Name a time that you were a follower and you saw the same type of conflict.

3. Name three ways that you can support one another while you are on a team.

4. How do you think you would deal with problems in group dynamics like interpersonal conflict, power struggles and discontentment?

5. Name 3 ways to creatively motivate your team as a leader.

6. Name 3 ways to creatively motivate your team as a group member/follower.

If you take time to learn how teams work, you will be very successful in life.

Week 4 — Knowing When to Be a Follower What does following have to do with leading? Actually, a lot. As a leader, you are working with a team of people with gifts and talents. But sometimes leaders feel that because they are the leader, they need to be the ones with the ideas, making decisions, and taking control. But if all you do is tell team members what to do, you are not really getting much out of your team. Or perhaps worse—by not allowing a team member to take the lead on an issue/project they are passionate about, you demoralize that person and the entire team. Make sure as a leader you are an excellent listener and doing your best to understand your team members’ perspectives. Team members need to know that even if you disagree with them, you respect them. Now, this doesn’t mean that you passively accept everything that your team members want or promote. As the leader, you should question and challenge your team members, just as you encourage and support them. You may find yourself in the position of disagreeing and moving in a direction different than what a team member recommended. In such situations, it’s important to acknowledge that the team member might be disappointed with your decision. Make it clear, though, that you very much respect them, but because your perspective is a bit different as the leader, you made the decision that was best for the entire group/organization/etc.

Questions for Group Discussion 1. Name a time that you needed to be a follower in a group, instead of a leader.

2. Is it hard for you to put your pride aside sometime to be a follower and not a leader?

3. What are the traits of a good follower/team member?

Week 5 — Surveying the Land As a Leader As a leader we must look around to see what potential we have surrounding us. If you are chosen to lead a team, then you must “survey the land.” As I build teams I am looking for two things in a leader. One, I want to know they are passionate about this job or position. I need to see it in the way they speak and their actions. And two, I need to know that this person has integrity and will do what it takes to perform their job duties. Now, for you if you are in college and are over a study group or maybe you have been assigned a project and have a team to work with this could look a bit different. You might even be working with volunteers. So whatever the reason is, you must always survey the land. As a leader of a group I know who I am. I know my weaknesses and strengths. I have pretty much mastered those areas. If I was on a team, I would hope that the leader would get to know me to hear how I can help them and for me to show them what I am passionate about. This would then be able to contribute to the success of the team and the vision of the team. I love to help lead things and help put projects together. I’m not one to stand on the sidelines. For me to feel a part and comfortable in a team I want to be put to work. For my personality that is how I fit in. You might be different. It is very hard for me to follow a poor leader because after a while I will either want to quit due to frustration or lead the team myself. I wonder if you have been in a similar situation. What did this make you feel like? Frustrated? Disappointed? There is probably nothing worse than being on a team that is not going anywhere. It takes all members working together and being a part of the team and helping the leader. As a leader or follower of a team remember what you felt like when you were on a team where the leader did not perform well or team members did not come together. Make an effort and show the team and the leader that you want to be a part by offering your help and support.

Tips for Leading Well 1. Welcome your team and tell them the vision. 2. Ask for feedback from each member on what their vision is for being on the team and what they hope to get out of the team. 3. Remember to include everyone on the team by giving each member their own duties.

Questions for Group Discussion 1. What type of skills should you look for in others on your team?

2. How would you react to negative attributes of your team? (i.e. arrogance, laziness, etc.)

3. In your day to day life, how do you interact with negative people? How do you work with them to achieve a common goal?

As a leader we must look around to see what potential we have surrounding us.

Week 6 — Leading efficiently and successfully How do we measure success in our lives? Is it something we keep tabs on? Do we write down our successful memories? Or keep up with how many times we lead a team and it was successful? Measure success on how you measure yourself. What do you do with the times you are alone at home or in your dorm? Do you take advantage of those times to reflect on your day and think of things you did well or maybe the things you could have done better? Do you admit to yourself that maybe you were wrong on how you came across and that you should have handled a situation in a different way? Do you take time to thank those who helped you that day, even those small things that helped you make it through? Do you applaud yourself on those times that you made right decisions or that you went out of your way to help someone? These are all ways to measure your personal success. Self-reflecting has been probably the most valuable tool in helping me lead efficiently and successfully. Understanding who I am and accepting myself is first priority and key. You would be surprised at how many people don’t really like who they are. They don’t feel they deserve success or even feel worthy of others. If I can get a person to think highly of themselves, and believe that they belong and they have something to offer, I have made huge progress. Because you have to believe in yourself and like who you are before others will like you. When you feel good about yourself and you have your heart open to help others you will see the fruit of success. This type of success only comes by holding yourself to a high standard. It is not about making money or leading with a big title. Success is not measured by how many people you know or how popular you are. Success is measured by how you make people feel when they are around you. Once you have this somewhat understood, then and only then, can you understand how you lead and lead efficiently. When I first started out leading others, I did not have it altogether, but I had the right heart. I wanted to help others to feel special and welcomed. I knew how to do this because many times in my school years I did not feel appreciated or welcomed. I knew how it felt to be shunned and talked about. So, I made it my goal during high school and beyond to help others feel successful and appreciated. Because of doing this daily, I have become successful in my job, family and relationships. You can start now just as I did with what you know and through this you will not only learn to be a better leader but a better person. Don’t wait to reach out when you graduate from college or when you get a job but change lives now. Don’t look so far in 29

the future to see yourself as a leader then but look right now right where you are and you will find ways of being a better leader to yourself and to others.

Questions for Group Discussion 1. How can you lead yourself better? Talk about what is on your mind.

2. What can you do today that would help someone have a better day?

3. What are little things that you could do for others that would make an impact on their lives?

When you feel good about yourself and you have your heart open to help others you will see the fruit of success.

Week 7 — Reading Others Have you ever heard of emotional intelligence? It is the capacity of individuals to recognize their own emotions, other people’s emotions and to discriminate between different feelings and label them appropriately. We all think we can interpret people’s emotions, but we are actually interpreting their emotions through our own filters of experience and bias. Things like social media actually skew our interpretation of other’s emotions. The more time we spent exchanging face-to-face conversation for digital communication, the less skilled we become at distinguishing non-verbal cues. But emotional intelligence is a very powerful thing, and with it, you can get very far in the world. Knowing that someone really isn’t happy when they say “I’m fine,” or understanding how to have positive discourse with others, can help you make friends and be successful in business. Understanding the emotions of others before getting into an argument, talking over tough issues, or trying to come to an agreement is invaluable. If someone is important to you, or they have power in your life (professor, boss, mom, etc.) knowing their verbal and non-verbal cues can help you to understand them and communicate with them better. Here are three tips for reading others: Observe Body Language— If people cross their arms when they are speaking to you they may be defensive or angry. If they bite their nails or pick at their cuticles, they may be nervous about something. Use these cues to help understand others. If you notice these nervous ticks, do all you can to accommodate to them and make them feel at ease. Doing this makes them trust and appreciate you more. Listen to your Intuition— When it comes to the emotions of others, your intuitions are usually right. If you think someone is upset even though they aren’t communicating that to you, assume they are and be gentle with how you deal with them. Try to be helpful and encouraging if they are having a tough time. Ask— If you aren’t sure about how someone is feeling, just ask. Questions like “How do you feel about that?”, “Has your day been going well?”, or “You seem stressed. Is everything okay?” may be just the opportunities people need to open up. Asking and then finding out others emotions will bolster your emotional intelligence in the long run.

Questions for Group Discussion 1. Do you have a nervous habit? Share it with your group and tell how you try to avoid doing it.

2. Explain a time that you interpreted someoneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s body language to read their thoughts or emotions.

3. Do you think you are good at reading others emotions? Explain why or why not.

Emotional intelligence is a very powerful thing, and with it, you can get very far in the world. 32

Week 8 — Co-Chairs You are probably familiar with the idea of a “chair” as the person who leads a committee, task force, or a group of people. Often times, though, there are “cochairs” for committees. Usually this is due to a large number of duties required of the committee and therefore a way to better manage those duties (desirable) or because there are two strong personalities and instead of hurting an ego both are given the responsibilities (undesirable).

In my experience, there are three outcomes of co-chairing or co leading: 1. “We’re both responsible, so no one is responsible.” This usually happens when there is a lot to do and the duties of the co-chairs are ill-defined. This lack of responsibility can impact the whole committee because if the chairs don’t have their act together, what can be expected of the other members. 2. “Mine, Mine, Mine.” Remember those seagulls in “Finding Nemo” going after every piece of food for themselves? This can happen with co-chairs, seeing every leadership duty as mine. Usually, this has more to do with ego, than with necessity. This can really have a negative impact on the group as a whole, as members watch the co-chairs fight for power rather than execute the tasks of the group. 3. “The long view.” Co-chairing or co-leading can be a very effective and very rewarding experience if the co-chairs take the long view. With a co-leader situation, it is even more imperative that the outcomes and timelines are clear. This allows the co-chairs not only to better define their leadership role, but also better delegate and evaluate the work of the group.

Questions for Group Discussion 1. Name a time that you have had to co-lead. Was it a negative or positive experience?

2. Do you prefer leading on your own or with the help of others?

3. What type of advice would you give to a friend who is going to co-lead an event/organization?

Week 9 — Social Media and You How do you fit in this social media life? It is so much different than when I grew up. You did not have everyone looking at everything you did with a magnifying glass. No one knew where you were going or had been. Things were more private and no one could see who you were dating unless they visually saw you out. I was speaking at a college the other day and I had a question and answer session. A student asked me how I handled myself through social media. I was so excited to be asked this question. I hold myself to a very high standard as far as social media goes. I don’t just post anything that could be questionable or even question my integrity. Perception is always alive and it questions motives even when nothing is wrong. If something can be questioned then don’t post it. That is my rule. When you have a job or you are hoping to get a job, many times, employers are looking at your Facebook. Be mindful of this in the future. Always be thinking ahead and really forming what you want people to see and think of you. Social media is a great way to start a business and to get the word out about something you are passionate about. Don’t let social media be your only way to connect with people. Connecting with others in the old-fashioned way is most powerful in building relationships. Make a phone call sometimes instead of texting. Don’t email when you can call and don’t Facebook long conversations when you can set up times to talk. Facing someone is so much better than doing it through social media. We have to keep conversation alive in person as well. It is all good for sure but it has to be balanced. Read as much as you can about social media because it is here and as you find yourself needing a job, or starting a job, social media can really help you take it to another level.

Tips to Keeping Your Profile Balanced: 1. Don’t go overboard on social media. Communicate face to face as well 2. Keep your high standard and don’t put out something for the world to see that can question your standard. 3. Think ahead before you post

Questions for Group Discussion 1. How can you change your social media habits to better improve your communication skills with others?

2. Do you adequately portray your real self on social media or is it a different version of yourself? Do you show out or do you filter yourself?

3. Have you learned a lesson from the negative effects of a social media post?

Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t let social media be your only way to connect with people. Connecting with others in the old-fashioned way is most powerful in building relationships.