City Weekly July 14, 2016 by Copperfield Publishing

C I T Y W E E K LY. N E T J U LY 1 4 , 2 0 1 6 | V O L . 3 3 N 0 . 1 0

I WillMrs. Be

Utah

8 WOMEN COMPETE IN A SHOWCASE OF BRAINS, BEAUTY AND WORLD PEACE. BY ALEX SPRINGER

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CWCONTENTS COVER STORY I WILL BE MRS. UTAH 2016

Isn’t the ideology behind feminism based on giving women equal opportunity to do whatever the hell they want without fear and prejudice? Cover photo by Niki Chan

15 4 LETTERS 6 OPINION 8 NEWS 19 A&E 27 DINE 35 CINEMA 38 TRUE TV 39 MUSIC 51 COMMUNITY

CONTRIBUTOR ALEX SPRINGER

Cover story, p. 15 This self-described “writing nerd” has been a City Weekly contributor for a year and a half. Of writing this week’s cover story, he says, “Pageants only show you a snapshot of who these women are as people, so getting to know the stories behind the contestants was a fascinating opportunity.”

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LETTERS Fanning the flames

If [UFA Fire Chief] Michael Jensen (and his cronies) worked for a private or public company, they would already be gone and likely charged with fraud [“Money to Burn,” July 7, City Weekly]. They should be required to reimburse the taxpayers for their “side work pay” and they should be fired. Unfortunately, the county government is not as clean as people would like to believe, so this is unlikely.

NAME WITHHELD BY REQUEST

Nuclear power

I was reading in City Weekly [Hits & Misses, June 23] this weekend about the Nuclear Power facility that is underway to be jammed down our collective throats in eastern Idaho. Apparently the plan is for it to supply Idaho and Utah with electrical power. This is something that Utah and Idaho residents need to be boycotting, blocking and against in every way shape and form! I know that the Utah government and Idaho’s government are all spouting about how it will “create jobs.” You already know the problems with nuclear waste, so I’m not even going to waste my time in talking about that. What I am going to tell you, is what they are not planning

WRITE US: Salt Lake City Weekly, 248 S. Main, Salt Lake City, UT 84101. Email: comments@cityweekly.net. Fax: 801-575-6106. We reserve the right to edit for length and clarity. Preference will be given to letters that are 300 words or less and sent uniquely to City Weekly. Full name, address and phone number must be included, even on emailed submissions, for verification purposes. on divulging. I lived in Arkansas for a few years. As you know, most of the southern states are economically challenged. So, someone decided to create jobs by bringing a nuclear power station to Louisiana. Here is what is happening: Electric bills soared. Take your monthly electric bill. What do you think of your charges? Is it a challenge to pay your electric bill? How about if every month, there was a little line that said “energy charge,” in addition to the cost of each kilowatt of power that you consume? OK … it can’t be all that much, right? I’m sure the nuclear folks are telling us all that “it is just a tiny bit to help pay for the facility, etc.” Let me tell you, that “energy charge” varies each month, and you never know how much it is going to be. When we were in Arkansas, each month there was a charge that varied between $200-$300 each month in addition to what we were being charged for our actual energy use. When I tried to find out how they determined how much each home/family/household should be paying (say, a percentage of their bill) I could never get a clear answer. I still maintain that they simply picked up some derelict off the street, spun them around in a big room with a roulette wheel on the floor, and whereever this person landed, that

was the amount of the energy charge for that month. When friends of ours moved to Arkansas, they turned on their power, did not run their air conditioner, nor their heater, rarely lit one light bulb, as they were doing some basic remodeling and repairs to the home before they could move into their home. Along came their first bill: “Energy use, less than $1,” “energy charge $200,” plus the charges for turning on the power, account set-up, etc. So, unless you want to pay an extra $200 and up each month for plugging into this monster, do all you can to fight it. Support alternate, sustainable options. Let the people who are running for office know that your vote will lie with the candidates who are not out to take advantage of Utah and Idaho residents.

DAWN M. SOGER Henefer

STAFF Publisher JOHN SALTAS

Associate Business Manager PAULA SALTAS Business Department Administrator ALISSA DIMICK Office Administrator CELESTE NELSON Technical Director BRYAN MANNOS

Editorial

Editor ENRIQUE LIMÓN Arts &Entertainment Editor SCOTT RENSHAW Music Editor RANDY HARWARD Senior Staff Writer STEPHEN DARK Staff Writer COLBY FRAZIER Copy Editor ANDREA HARVEY Proofreader LANCE GUDMUNDSEN Dining Listings Coordinator MIKEY SALTAS Editorial Interns DASH ANDERSON, JORDAN FLOYD, CASEY KOLDEWYN, KATHLEEN STONE

Marketing

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Salt Lake City Weekly is published every Thursday by Copperfield Publishing Inc. The Salt Lake City Weekly is an independent publication dedicated to alternative news and news sources, and serves as a comprehensive entertainment guide. 50,000 copies of the Salt Lake City Weekly are free of charge at more than 1,800 locations along the Wasatch Front, limit one copy per reader. Additional copies of the paper may be purchased for $1 (Best of Utah and other special issues, $5) payable to the Salt Lake City Weekly in advance. No person, without expressed permission of Copperfield Publishing Inc., may take more than one copy of any Salt Lake City Weekly issue. No portion of the Salt Lake City Weekly may be reproduced in whole or part by any means, including electronic retrieval systems, without the written permission of the Publisher. Third-Class postage paid at Midvale, UT. Delivery may take one week. All Rights Reserved. ®

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LETTER FROM THE

The Prize So this is what it feels like to write one of these, huh? It was a momentous occasion last deadline, when City Weekly publisher John Saltas called a mandatory impromptu meeting. The whole staff congregated in the meeting room, Saltas spoke about the paper’s storied history and recalled all past editors one by one, leading up to “… and now, Enrique.” Smiles erupted, backs were patted and ouzo flowed like manna. Prior to my arrival in Salt Lake City, I earned my stripes at the Santa Fe Reporter, where I worked for close to four years, and San Diego CityBeat, where I was at for nearly five. Along the way, I picked up a few awards, as well as fellowships at the Medill School of Journalism and USC’s Annenberg School. I also managed to perfect the art of boomerang story pitching, stretch my freelance pennies in an unreal fashion and keep my head held high when I was passed up for promotions ad nauseam. More than anything though, I learned to love the altjournalism industry, its people, its quirks. This paper, and most others like it, are put together by a slim staff of some of the most dedicated individuals you’ll ever share a war-torn commercial-grade carpeted room with. Folks that have missed anniversaries, birthdays and many other family functions, but never a deadline. People that hold our industry’s core values true and will continue to do so from their cold, ink-stained hands. I consider myself lucky to be around them. Here at City Weekly we’re a scrappy bunch. With limited resources, we take on the big boys and go head-to-head with other operations that in volume, shadow us. Still, we manage to shine. Just last month, staffers Colby Frazier and Stephen Dark took home top honors in the Best Newspaper Reporter category, securing first and second prize respectively in the Society of Professional Journalists’ Utah Headliners contest. The class we fall under, Division A, is also host

DITOR to the two dailies in town. With the air in our lungs, a sometimes spotty internet connection, dubious nutritional intake (there’s a two-week-old birthday cake in the breakroom that’s starting to look mighty fine at noon on Tuesday) and a prayer or two, we manage to day in/week out put together the content for these pages. It’s a joint effort that wouldn’t be possible without the stellar company editorial has across all of the other departments. From our staunch interns to our route drivers; account executives to our art department; members of our freelance stable to our street team. Ultimately, however, this product is for you. If you’ve been a supporter since the beginning, I thank you. If somewhere along the way we lost you, I hope you’ll give us a second chance to win you back. If you only pick us up for the horoscopes, may your days be mercury in retrograde free. I took the job of managing editor in December of last year and Salt Lake City greeted me in her icy embrace. I’d visited the previous summer when the Association of Alternative Newsmedia held its annual conference here and like many in attendance, I was pleasantly surprised. There’s a palpable under-the-radar vibrancy here. Something that warns that SLC is on the verge of something big. I don’t have to tell you this, as you’ve been in on the secret this whole time. I distinctly remember when I was about to head home after four days of enlightenment and debauchery, gazing upon the downtown skyline, Wasatch Front in the background, and feeling an inordinate desire to come back. Little did I know what was in store.

BY ENRIQUE LIMÓN

This past weekend, the A AN conference dawned anew. This time in Austin, Texas, where again the cream of the progressive crop gathered to throw back a few, go over financials, editorial standards, innovation and the term du jour, programmatic. It was there that the owner of a paper like this one noticed I had painted toenails and referred to me as “a sick fuck.” The jubilant counterpoint to that happened the following night, when I was frantically dancing with the publisher of Orlando Weekly amid Robyn, Gaga and Gaynor. In the midst of that, I stopped and reflected on the shooting in his hometown at a club not unlike the one we were at. “This is what it was like,” I told him. “They were just dancing, having a good time.” Being at the helm of this paper, your paper, is not a responsibility I take lightly. It’s the ultimate prize at the bottom of this Cracker Jack box almost a decade in the making. I promise to be a worthy steward. I also pledge to keep telling stories that matter, shine a light where bureaucratic darkness reigns and to not lose our sense of humor along the way. In a market primarily—and given its diversity, mistakenly—known for being Mormon, Caucasian and straight, I’m happy to be none of those. Queers, the displaced, the downtrodden, the mocked, the trafficked and all the rest of you out there that have been systematically convinced that you don’t matter: You have an ally in me. This I give you my word on. So what do you say? Let’s face this new chapter together and ruffle some feathers along the way. Sick fucks, unite. CW Send feedback to elimon@cityweekly.net

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STAFF BOX

Readers can comment at cityweekly.net

What’s been your most memorable moment working at City Weekly? Sierra Sessions:

Probably calling for business owners only to find out they’ve died. It ruins my whole day every time and I have to contemplate life for at least an hour afterwards. Moreso traumatizing than memorable.

Alissa Dimick: I foolishly opened up to a client about my infertility and he told me to go home and sit on my husband’s face and all my problems would be solved. How’s that for memorable?

Scott Renshaw: First byline as a film critic for this paper: Moulin Rouge in 2001. It’s still hard to believe sometimes that I have this privilege.

Stephen Dark: My favorite moment is always my last interview or background conversation where a story heated up. So on that basis it would probably be a phone call I just got about one senior state official asking the FBI to stop investigating a less senior state official.

John Saltas: Pete was born premature on the early morning of Aug. 21, 1989. I’d been at the hospital for hours—a month, really—and when I came home, there was a box on the front porch left by our only employee. In it were some office materials and a resignation letter. Never seen him since. Made me determined to make City Weekly a family-first place. And except for a few selfish slugs we’ve had to squish over the years, it has been.

Kathy Mueller: The day the Doug Kruithof thought it was perfectly acceptable to take off his pants and work in his boxers. Or was it the day Doug had his “social media emergency” meltdown?

Doug Kruithof: They were shorts! I had an ACL injury and I was hobbling. Who told you that?

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HITS&MISSES BY STAN ROSENZWEIG

FIVE SPOT

RANDOM QUESTIONS, SURPRISING ANSWERS

@stanrosenzweig

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Climate Change is Real

Local climate-change advocates were heartened when Exxon Mobil Corp., the world’s largest public oil company, came over to their side of the global warming and climate-change debate—sort of. Exxon Mobil has refocused its lobbying to support a revenue-neutral carbon tax it previously had opposed. This is contrary to others in the energy biz and in opposition to recent House votes against the tax. Pundits claim that Exxon Mobil saw the handwriting on the wall before its competitors and moved heavily into natural gas production to become America’s largest producer of natural gas—a much lower carbon emitter than coal and oil.

STAN ROSENZWEIG

Jobs Rentals ll Buy/Se Trade

Bears Ears Showdown

It was announced that U.S. Interior Secretary Sally Jewell is coming to Utah to discuss a plan backed by a tribal coalition and many environmentalist to make Bears Ears a new national monument. Secretary Jewell is expected to discuss with the local community members and its leaders ways to ensure public lands will be of benefit to all Americans. The Utah Diné Bikéyah tribal coalition expects the meeting will be on July 16 in Bluff, Utah. Those in favor of making the 1.9-million acres into a national monument in southeastern Utah point to ancient artifacts and sacred lands they claim need protection from looting and development. Utah’s all-Republican congressional delegation, led by Rep. Rob Bishop, is relying on his expected bill to keep some of the land open for gas and oil development. But 25 Native American tribes are lobbying Jewell and President Obama to make the designation.

Heroism Under Fire

We all watched live TV coverage with horror, but also with awe, when heroic Dallas police ran toward the life-threatening automatic weapons fire during a Black Lives Matter march last week, as thousands of peaceful demonstrators were fleeing around them. Five police officers died and seven were injured. Speaking at a press conference on July 8, Salt Lake City Police Chief Mike Brown described the shooting as tragic, horrific and senseless. At the same conference, Salt Lake County Sheriff Jim Winder said, “I am disgusted, I am disheartened and I am extremely, extremely sad.” Yet, in the midst of the attack, we all saw police officers at their finest. While it’s hard to put a happy face on an incident like this, two hits stand out. The demonstrators themselves peacefully exercised their constitutional rights, and the police who were there to protect those marchers stood their ground and did their jobs.

By the time France was liberated at the end of World War II, almost 350,000 Jews in France had been killed or targeted for Nazi annihilation. Through courageous efforts of French locals, 7,000 Jewish children were hidden and saved from the authorities, including one girl who grew up, came to America and whose thankful daughter, Diane Hartz Warsoff, now repays that 70-year-old act of humanity here in Utah.

How did your mother’s survival story get you interested in the nonprofit world?

My family was saved by people who acted purely out of goodness in spite of great danger and that has had an impact on how I view the world. I exist because of the humanity of others who rescued my mother. There’s a book about her, Your Name Is Renée, by Stacy Cretzmeyer. That story has impacted the charitable work I do.

You are CEO of the Community Development Corporation of Utah, a nonprofit that reduces homelessness and increases home ownership. How did you get into this?

I have a finance background in banking. I worked for the Federal Reserve in New York, and then I worked for several commercial banks both back East and here in Utah where we’ve lived for the past 22 years. I thought it was time for a change and the CDCU wanted someone with strong management skills and who understood mortgage lending. Previously, I had worked on standardizing mortgage lending procedures.

What is CDCU’s mission?

To assist aspiring homeowners along the path to home ownership, develop sustainable and affordable housing, revitalize neighborhoods and communities and promote selfsufficiency through home ownership. This alleviates homelessness, because people currently renting become successful homeowners, freeing up their apartments to provide more capacity for others. Part of homelessness is a capacity issue.

How do you accomplish this?

For people with incomes up to 80 percent of area median income, we provide counseling, education classes, mortgage assistance through our low-cost mortgage program and we do acquisition and rehabilitation by purchasing foreclosed and houses in poor repair. We improve and resell them to low- and moderate-income people. We work with clients and banks to prevent houses from being foreclosed on. We have a homeowner repair program and we partner with Salt Lake County on the Green and Healthy Homes Initiative.

What else should we know about you?

My husband and I do a lot of volunteer work. We like to travel. We love the mountains and hike and bike. I love to read and have piles of books everywhere. After 22 years here, people still ask me where I am from and I enjoy answering “Salt Lake City.” But, I am originally from Philadelphia and I am proud of that.

— STAN ROSENZWEIG comments@cityweekly.net

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STRAIGHT DOPE Sea Change

BY CECIL ADAMS SLUG SIGNORINO

The Science of Brewing...

Now that the sea levels are rising, I’m sure someone out there is already thinking of ways of making a few quid/bucks (not that I’m interested myself). Who will profit—or indeed profiteer—from this sea change? —Chris

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I submit to you, Chris, that given the various depredations of our modern era, the distinction between profiting and profiteering is, like the Louisiana coastline, rapidly eroding. In the olden days, profiteering involved an emergency, such as war, motivating an enterprising fella to rush in and make an easy buck. Now, of course, we face a prospect of constant emergency, from steadily rising sea levels to increasingly extreme storms to lethal heat waves. It’s a good time to be in the air-conditioning business, is all I’m saying. But there’s profiting and there’s profiting, if you know what I mean. So in the spirit of Old Testament-style judgment, I thought I’d arrange various ways one might cash in on climate change from least to most evil. Those wanting to make a profit in this arena are advised to stick near the top of this list if they want to keep their souls. Renewable energy: One hopes, frankly, that there’s a greedy upstart or two out there trying to get rich off solar, wind, geothermal, etc; may they ever proliferate. Flood mitigation: A proposed set of enormous gates, to be installed south of New York City’s Verrazano-Narrows Bridge as protection from another Hurricane Sandylike storm surge, might cost something like $10 billion to build—which is frankly a steal given the potential scale of future flooding damage. Per tech website the Verge, flooddefense construction’s an industry that’s “poised to take off”: it might hit $2 billion in the U.S. by 2020. Trade: Hey, ice might be melting in the Arctic faster than anyplace else in the world, but that’s a boon for shipping. When the Northern Sea Route—along Russia’s Arctic coast and through the Bering Strait— is open, as opposed to frozen, the trip from Europe to China shortens by nearly a third. Land grabs: Foreseeing a lack of arable land and worrying about food shortages, investors in the U.S., China and elsewhere are buying up turf around the globe. When “sellers” are coerced by their own governments to play ball (as in Ethiopia and Cambodia), you can see where this might result in a little geopolitical tension. How tangled a web is this? A 2014 study found that Chinese investors had purchased land in 33 countries; Ethiopia had sold land to 21 countries. A study from 2013, meanwhile, guessed that between 0.7 percent and 1.75 of agricultural land worldwide had either already been transferred from local to foreign ownership or was then in the process of being thus grabbed. Arctic tourism: We recently discussed here a Russian nuclear icebreaker that offers two-week cruises to the North Pole. If you’re thinking about a longer and cushier vacation, the cruise ship Crystal Serenity, with a per-

passenger carbon footprint three times that of a 747, will take you from Alaska via Greenland to New York; don’t miss, off the starboard deck, the poignant sight of polar bears starving to death atop dwindling ice floes. Water: A New York hedge fund called Water Asset Management LLC has begun buying up water rights worldwide in response to increasing drought. In a Bloomberg article on climate-change investment, one financial adviser complains of an “overemphasis on [global warming’s] negative impacts”; kudos to these guys for their glass-half-full optimism, not to mention their pioneering adoption of a new form of economic colonialism. (Yes, moviegoers, you saw this at the very end of The Big Short, where it’s revealed that the Christian Bale character, the hedge-fund wonk who foresaw the housing crash, has since gone all-in on water.) Arctic drilling: You’ll note the pleasing circularity at work here: By burning enough fossil fuels to warm the earth sufficiently to melt the polar ice caps, we’ve now gained access to yet more fossil fuels buried under those ice caps. There remain some challenges to extracting them: logistical, because the weather up there sucks; political, because Barack Obama has placed restrictions on the practice. Still, one Bloomberg analyst said recently he’d be “very surprised” if these hurdles put oil and gas companies off forever. They’re nothing if not plucky. Then there are cases where the ethicspayoff calculus gets more complicated. We hear lots of kvetching worldwide about the melting of Greenland’s ice sheet, but folks in Greenland are a good deal more sanguine about it—they anticipate that as ice depletion renders minerals, oil and gas more accessible and improves the local fishery, the island might finally have enough cash on hand to declare its independence from Denmark. So they benefit, albeit in a somewhat fraught manner. And I haven’t even mentioned the Israeli desalination company now selling snowmaking machines to Alpine ski resorts, the firms providing high-end private firefighting services to rich Californians, or any other of the go-getters who who demonstrate again and again the irrepressible vitality of the free market. The possibilities, really, are endless. Unlike, say, the continued health of the planet. n Send questions to Cecil via StraightDope.com or write him c/o Chicago Reader, 350 N. Orleans, Chicago 60654.

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NEWS

PUBLIC LANDS

Lands of Luxury

Utahns pay for lawyers to fly first-class and hole-up in the Alta Club. BY COLBY FRAZIER cfrazier@cityweekly.net @ColbyFrazierLP

ood help doesn’t come cheap. This cliché is apt when analyzing Utah’s ongoing efforts to capture about 31 million acres of public land from the federal government, and turn it over to state control. In 2016, Utah lawmakers voted in favor of spending up to $14 million to sue for the lands, and they tossed about $2 million to a Louisiana law firm, and Strata Policy, a Logan-based think-tank, to begin chipping away at the bricks preventing Utah from controlling the public’s land. The long march toward ousting federal land managers, which has been met with scathing ridicule from environmental groups and myriad other conservation-minded folks, has resulted in some high-brow expenses from the $900- and $500-per-hour attorneys hired to represent the state. Expense accounts from the Davillier Law Group, which were posted to the Legislature’s website, show that during a four-month period in late 2015, Attorney John Howard flew first-class from San Diego to Salt Lake City four times, at a charge to taxpayers of $2,782. While in Salt Lake, Howard took a tour of the local hotel scene, staying at the Grand America for three nights in August 2015 for $1,517; the Hilton for three days in October 2015 for $489 and the Alta Club in January 2016 for three nights that totaled $631. Revelation of the luxury travel and accommodations prompted Campaign for Accountability, a government transparency group, to draft a letter to the Legislature’s Commission for the Stewardship of Public Lands, asking for a detailed audit of how the public’s money is being spent. Campaign for Accountability officials, who have publicly opposed Utah’s efforts to seize federal public land, say that some of the invoices violate the very contracts the state entered into with the firms. These contracts prohibit luxury travel and taxpayer reimbursements for alcohol. “This is at best a case of sloppy

accounting and at worst a serious abuse of public resources,” Anne Weismann, CFA executive director, wrote in a statement. “Either way, Utah taxpayers deserve a full accounting of the expenses. If there is a good reason for these lawyers to bill the state of Utah for luxury hotels, let’s hear it.” The commission’s co-chairmen, Rep. Keven Stratton, R-Orem, and Sen. David Hinkins, R-Orangeville, issued a swift rebuke of CFA’s critiques, saying that the “parties to the contract” are “in the best position to determine whether they are receiving what each side promised.” “As commission chairs, we are satisfied with the overall services and the progress Davillier and Strata have made,” the lawmakers wrote in a statement. While Stratton and Hinkins painted a rosy picture, their joint statement also noted that any items billed by Davillier and Strata that might be prohibited under the contract will be reimbursed through a reduction on future bills. Stratton told City Weekly that $912,000 in invoices have been paid so far by Utah. While the commission’s chairmen defended their hired help, one of only two Democrats on the commission, Sen. Jim Dabakis, D-Salt Lake City, says the apparent impropriety of some of the billings, and their largesse, is illustrative of the shadowy dealings of a Republicandominated Legislature that knows no limits when it comes to attacking the federal government.

The insinuation from Stratton and Hinkins that the public, and other legislators, should simply stand by and trust them because they’re close to the money and the contracts, Dabakis says, is getting old. “It has been my everlasting anguish at the arrogance of these committee chairs and of the legislative leadership,” Dabakis says. “Does the public have no sunshine ability to see where their taxpayer money is going?” Dabakis says the invoices themselves were never met to land on the Legislature’s website. He says a capital staff member accidentally gave him the invoices, and when he or she asked for them back, Dabakis refused. Then he began spreading them around. Stratton says there is no truth to Dabakis’ claim, and that the invoices were meant to be public. But as Dabakis sees it, the invoices are just the latest bank of documents that the commission wants kept in the shadows. In January, when Davillier attorney Howard presented a 150-page, $640,000 legal analysis to the commission that urged the state to sue the federal government and take its case to the U.S. Supreme Court, a key part of the analysis—the piece that outlined the possible drawbacks and pitfalls to suing—was kept private. Dabakis and the other Democrat on the commission, Rep. Joel Briscoe, DSalt Lake City, demanded to see this part of the report, which had apparently been viewed by Stratton and Hinkins. Stratton says that revealing this

information could harm Utah’s case. “One of the challenges we’re facing is the state has an interest in protecting some specific information as the potential litigation plays out,” Stratton says. “We don’t want to do anything that would be harmful to the interest of our state if the decision is chosen to litigate.” With invoices showing extravagant payments to Davillier, Dabakis says an independent commission ought to be appointed to review the state’s spending on the public lands suit. While an hour of Principal Attorney George Wentz’ time costs $500, and a solid days work in February 2016 included drafting a report on mineral land issues (4.5 hours for $2,250), followed by a report on a similar matter (2.3 hours and $1,550), jumps off the page, it’s not as if state leaders were unaware that its fight against federal management of the public’s land would come cheap. In the January report that Davillier issued to the Legislature, the costs were outlined quite well. For six months of work by a pair of senior attorneys and two paralegals, the state would be billed $1,750 per hour. At 40 hours per week, the tab would add up to $1.6 million. Hiring a Supreme Court specialist would cost $1 million; expert witnesses, $720,000; consultants, $480,000; travel, $125,000. The grand total to bring a case to the Supreme Court? The big, round number of $14 million. There are no commission meetings currently scheduled, but as summer inches its way to a close, and another season of lawmaking approaches, the state’s public lands battle will be sure to continue to steal headlines. What Dabakis, some legal scholars and environmental groups claim to know is that Utah stands almost no chance at victory before the Supreme Court, especially without the conservative voice of the late Antonin Scalia. But when $14 million is up for grabs, all kinds of friends come knocking. Among the invoices is a $725 four-night stay at the Alta Club for Frank Pignanelli, a chief partner in the local lobbying firm, Foxley & Pignanelli, which has been paid tens of thousands through Davillier for various services, and keeps offices just a few blocks away from the private club. As Stratton and Hinkins see it, Utah is actually getting a helluva deal. Davillier, they say, is working at a “significant discount,” and in some cases, working for free. A “politically motivated” letter demanding transparency, they say, shouldn’t “diminish efforts to investigate the legal feasibility of Utah’s work to manage public lands at a local level, which a majority of Utahns support.” CW

S NEofW the

Blessings, Guaranteed More and more churches (“hundreds,” according to a June Christianity Today report) offer hesitant parishioners a “money-back guarantee” if they tithe 10 percent (or more) of their income for 90 days—but then feel that God blesses them insufficiently in return. The South Carolina megachurch NewSpring instituted such a program in the 1990s and claims that, of 7,000 recent pledgers, “fewer than 20” expressed dissatisfaction with the Lord. Advocates cite the Bible’s Book of Malachi, quoting God himself (according to Christianity Today): “Test me in this.” “Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse” and “see if I will not pour out so much blessing” that “there will not be room enough to store it.”

WEIRD

New World Order A leading Chinese orthopedic surgeon continues to believe that “full-body” transplants are the next big thing in medicine, despite worldwide skepticism about both the science and the ethics. The plan for Dr. Ren Xiaoping of Harbin Medical University calls for removing both heads (the deceased donor’s and the live recipient’s), connecting the blood vessels, stabilizing the new neck, and “bath[ing]” spinal-cord nerve endings chemically so they will connect. (Critics say it is impossible to “connect” spinal-cord nerves.) According to a June New York Times dispatch, doctors regularly denounce China’s ethical laxities (though Chinese officials term such denunciations “envy” at China’s achievements).

n In January, a Chicago Tribune investigation revealed only 124 of the roughly 12,000 Chicago cops were responsible for the misconduct complaints that resulted in settlements (since 2009)—with one officer, for example, identified in seven. (A June Chicago Reporter study claimed the city paid out $263 million total on misconduct litigation during 2012-2015.)

Out of Control Nelson Hidalgo, 47, was arrested in New York City in June and charged with criminal negligence and other crimes for parking his van near Citi Field during a Mets game and drawing players’ complaints when he ramped up the van’s 80-speaker sound system. “I know it’s illegal, but it’s the weekend,” said Hidalgo. “I usually [just] get a ticket.” n Trina Hibberd of Mission Beach, Australia, finally showed concern about the python living inside her walls that she has known about for 15 years but (perhaps “Australian-ly”) had chosen to ignore. In June, it wandered out—a 15-foot-long, 90-pound Scrub Python she calls “Monty.” “All hell broke loose,” a neighbor said later, as snake-handlers took Monty to a more appropriate habitat.

Wait, What? Brigham Young University professor Jason Hansen apologized in May after coaxing a student (for extra credit) to drink a small vial of his urine in class. The physiology session was on kidney function, and Hansen thought the stunt would call attention to urine’s unique properties. He confessed later that the “urine” was just food coloring with vinegar added; that he had used the stunt in previous classes; and that he usually admits the ruse at the next class session. Nonetheless, Hansen’s department chair suggested he retire the concept. Police Report In Nashville, Tenn., in June, sex worker Jonisia Morris, 25, was charged with robbing her client by (according to the police report) removing the man’s wallet from his trousers while he received oral sex seated in his car, extracting his debit card, and returning the wallet to his pocket—without his noticing. Fetishes on Parade Recidivist Jesse Johnson, 20, was charged again in June (for suspicion of disturbing the peace) after he had crawled underneath a woman’s car at an Aldi store’s parking lot in Lincoln, Neb., waited for her to return and then, as she was stepping into the car, reaching out to fondle her ankle. It was Johnson’s third such charge this year, and he initially tried to deny the actual touch, instead claiming that he was underneath the car “simply for the visual.” Johnson acknowledged to the judge that he needs help and that he had been in counseling but had run out of money. (At press time, the status of the latest incident was still pending.) Undignified Deaths An Australian lawyer, William Ray, was killed on May 22 when he was thrown from his all-terrain “quad bike” in rural Victoria state and pinned underneath. Ray had come to prominence by representing Honda as the company balked at mandatory installation of anti-roll bars on quad bikes. n A 48-year-old employee at North Central Bronx Hospital in New York City died of a heart attack at work on June 7, under circumstances (according to police) indicating that he was viewing a pornographic video at the moment of his death.

Thanks this week to Michael Brozyna, Bruce Leiserowitz, Paul Peterson, Robin Daley, Edgar Pepper, Neb Rodgers, Steve Dunn, Dan Bohlen, Peter Wardley, Joseph Brown, Brian Rudolph, Elaine Weiss, D.I. Moore, Jack Miller, Gwynne Platz, Charles Lewer, Dave Shepardson, Chuck Hamilton and Katy Miketic, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.

JULY 14, 2016 | 13

The Job of the Researcher A team of researchers is following about 30 tabbies, calicos and others, recording their moves and sounds, to somehow learn whether housecats have dialects in their meows and alter other patterns of stress and intonation when they “speak” to other cats or to humans. In explaining the project, linguist Robert Eklund (of Sweden’s Linkoping University) personally sounded out “a pretty wide range of meows to illustrate his points,” wrote a New York Magazine interviewer in April. Eklund is already

801-915-4556 | tattbling.com

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n The ex-boyfriend of Nina Zgurskaya filed a lawsuit in Siberia after she broke up with him for his reluctance to “pop the question” after a two-year courtship. The man, not named in a dispatch from Moscow, demanded compensation for his dating expenses. The trial court ruled against him, but he is appealing.

Tattoo Enhancing Color Cosmetics

Litigious Societies Insurance Agent John Wright filed a lawsuit in Will County, Ill., in June over teenagers playing “ding dong ditch,” in which kids ring a doorbell but run away before the resident answers. The lawsuit claims that bell-ringer Brennan Papp, 14, caused Wright “severe emotional distress, anxiety and weight loss,” resulting in at least $30,000 of lost income.

The Passing Parade Quixotic Malaysian designer Moto Guo made a splash at Milan’s fashion week in June when he sent model after model to the runway with facial blotches that suggested they had zits or skin conditions. One reporter was apparently convinced, concluding, “Each man and woman on the runway looked miserable.”

n A Philadelphia “casting” agency solicited “extras” to show up at polling stations on the April 26 Pennsylvania primary day for candidate Kevin Boyle, who was running against state Sen. John Sabatina—offering $120 each (plus lunch and an open bar). Since most polling-site “electioneering” is illegal, the probable job was merely to give voters the impression that Boyle was very popular. (Sabatina narrowly won.)

an expert on feline purring (at Purring.org)— although from a distance, as he admits to being allergic to cats.

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Suspicions Confirmed In June, District Attorney Jerry Jones in Monroe, La., dropped drug and gun charges against college football players Cam Robinson and Hootie Jones (who play for University of Alabama but are from Monroe)—declaring that the “main reason” for his decision is that “I refuse to ruin the lives of two young men who have spent their adolescence and teenage years working and sweating, while we were all in the air conditioning.”

BY CHUCK SHEPHERD

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CITIZEN REVOLT In a week, you can CHANGE THE WORLD

THE

NUEVE

THE LIST OF NINE

BY MASON RODRICKC & MICHELLE L ARSON

@MRodrickc

DROP IN AND PRINT

The University of Utah wants to bring art-making down a notch. In Cyanotype and Experimental Ink Techniques, you’ll be able to visit the Book Arts Studio to pull a sheet or make a print. These are informal opportunities to get your hands dirty and try out alternative printing processes or paper decoration. Bring a friend. No experience necessary, but you must be at least 16 years old. Book arts experts Michelle Macfarlane and Becky Thomas will be available to help. J. Willard Marriott Library/Book Arts Studio, Level 4, 295 S. 1500 East, 801-581-8558, Saturday, July 16, 1-5 p.m., free/no application necessary, Newsletter.lib.utah.edu

Nine other pageants we’d like to see:

9. Mr. Anything but a Bagpipe: Best busker in SLC.

8. Lungs Of Steel Pageant: Most

impressive inversion-induced ailment (Sponsored by Wasatch Steel).

7. The Speak Easiest Pageant: Most pretentious new restaurant in the city.

6. Mr. You-Know-There’s-

Change-in-Your-Bag-Somewhere: The search for downtown’s pushiest panhandler.

5. The “I really hope there’s

CAPITOL CELEBRATION MOVIE

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an open sewer nearby” pageant: SLC’s smelliest street corners on display for all to smell.

4. Miss Swift Lake City: Best T. Swift lookalike at City Creek.

3. Fattest Cat Pageant: The rich-

ALL THE NEWS THAT WON’T FIT IN PRINT

est folks with the fattest felines.

2. Mr. Misdirection: Utah’s vaguest PR spokesperson.

1. Inner Beauty Pageant: Utah’s most “They’re cuter in person” Facebook friend.

Long-long-long-read Interviews With Local Bands, Comedians, Artists, Podcasters, Fashionistas And Other Creators Of Cool Stuff Only On Cityweekly.net!

CITYWEEKLY.NET/UNDERGROUND

Celebrate 100 years of our beautiful Capitol building by attending this free summer movie event. The Capitol’s southwest lawn will be bustling with families and friends as they listen to a local band and watch one of this year’s biggest hits during Movie Under the Stars. This year, the featured movie is Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Food will be available for purchase, or bring your own picnic. Pets are allowed (as long as you clean up after them) and bring your own blankets or chairs. Utah State Capitol, 350 N. State, 801-538-1800, Friday, July 15, 7:30-11 p.m., free, bit.ly/29oTctO

ANTELOPE ISLAND BIKE RIDE

It’s a hot summer day, but as the sun goes down, you think about cooling off under the moon. The Antelope by Moonlight Bikeride is in its 23rd year as a friendly, non-competitive event at Antelope Island State Park. You’re in the middle of the Great Salt Lake and in the park afterhours. Normally, that’s offlimits to the public. The ride starts at the White Rock Bay and is lit by the moon. The 24-mile route goes from White Rock Bay to the historic Fielding Garr Ranch and back. The theme for this year is “Riding with the Stars.” Start thinking about what costume you’ll wear—prizes will be given. Antelope Island State Park, 4528 W. 1700 South, Syracuse, 801-773-2941, Friday, July 15, $25 registration, check-in 7:30 p.m., ride 10 p.m., bit.ly/29chRRP

—KATHARINE BIELE Send events to editor@cityweekly.net

I Will Be

Mrs. Utah 2016

8 WOMEN COMPETE IN A SHOW C BEAUTY AND WORLD PEACE. ASE OF BRAINS,

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JULY 14, 2016 | 15

with this look before, and it did not end well. Ritter looks like a much more dignified Paula Abdul, and I can tell that her vast repertoire of pageant experience has made her into a formidable event organizer. It’s clear she has a zillion things to do, but she’s a diehard professional—it would take more than a few minutes with a nerd like me to throw her off of her game. Her company, Bonnie Productions, has overseen the Mrs. Utah and Mrs. Arizona pageants for the past 19 years. “Geographically and demographically, Arizona and Utah are very similar,” she says. “Once we had the formula down in Arizona, we took the same formula to Utah, and it’s worked. It was a good hunch.” Though Mrs. America and Miss America are produced by the same organization, there’s something about the Mrs. pageant that has resonated with Ritter. “In the ‘Miss’ world of pageantry, you’re competing for what the pageant can do for you—and that’s not a bad thing,” she says. “The shift in a Mrs. America Pageant is how contestants can take the title and use it to serve their community.” This makes me pause for a moment. As far as recognition, Mrs. Utah gets a prize package and the opportunity to compete for Mrs. America. But the reason they’re competing at all is because each contestant has a community-oriented platform, and gaining the title of Mrs. Utah, Mrs. America or even Mrs. World would help them promote it. I quickly remind myself that there must be some kind of catch, shake myself out of my momentary trance and move on to the tough questions. There are many critics of pageants in general, who raise some valid points about our country’s obsession with physical appearance. I’m particularly fond of Last Week Tonight’s September 2014 assessment

BEHIND THE TIARA

When I stroll into the vacant expanse of Ogden’s Egyptian Theatre’s gallery over Independence Day weekend, Pageant Director Diane Ritter is perched at a long table directly in front of the stage, dutifully managing the laptop, tablet and cellphone in front of her. It’s about three hours before the pageant starts, and she has the determined look of someone who is mentally cataloging a checklist of evolving variables. Given the aura of complete mental focus that is currently surrounding her, I’m surprised when she greets me with a friendly smile and handshake—I’ve interrupted a woman

ENTS@CITYWEEKLY.NET PHOTOS BY NI KI CHAN

Mrs. America Pageant. It’s produced by the same organization behind Miss America, but it differs in that its contestants must be married. There are no scholarships, and its titleholders compete in order to raise awareness for their chosen platform, which is typically based on community service.

NGER • COMM

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ccording to an online quiz that I took a while back, I am indeed a feminist. I think that women have been fighting the good fight ever since they found out what a crappy hand they’ve been dealt in a country that has been bought and paid for by rich white dudes. As an internet-certified feminist, the culture behind beauty pageants has always raised certain, unanswerable questions for me. I’ve watched the Miss America pageant on occasion, and I’ve actually enjoyed it—though not for the same reasons that I imagine most pageant fans have. I watch it because it appeals to this deep, dark cavern of my pop-culture forebrain that loves watching The Bachelorette while eating Little Caesar’s pizza. Perhaps that admission is enough to revoke my web-feminist certification, but hear me out: I can see the obvious indicators that physical appearance is a huge part of pageant culture, and that sucks, but it’s also something that the contestants are aware of. It’s not a beauty pageant’s fault that people are hardwired to pass judgment on someone’s looks. I can also see that no one (outside of a few jilted, powerhungry moms, perhaps) is forcing these women to participate in pageants, and it’s something that they work hard for. Isn’t the ideology behind feminism based on giving women equal opportunity to do whatever the hell they want without fear and prejudice? If so, what’s the difference between a woman busting her ass to win a pageant and a woman busting her ass to become a neuroscientist? I made my mind up about this quandary long ago—but that was before my visit to the Mrs. Utah pageant, which is the state qualifier for the

BY ALEX SPR I

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16 | JULY 14, 2016

ALI SMITH, MRS. DAVIS COUNTY

of the Miss America Pageant, in which host John Oliver determines that, despite their inaccurate dollar amounts, the Miss America Organization does in fact provide the most scholarships exclusively for women than any other organization in the world, but that those scholarships are won with minimal focus on actual academic skills. It’s a viewpoint that Ritter is familiar with, and she wasted no time in firing back. “My first question to critics would be to ask them if they have ever participated in a pageant,” she says. “Yes, it is a beauty pageant and it can seem superficial, but, speaking from the ‘Mrs.’ perspective, it takes a lot of courage for these women to stand on stage and be judged.” My first impulse is to follow up with something like, “Yeah, but they get a lot of money if they win. You can get people to eat cockroaches if you promise them money,” when I remember that Mrs. Utah contestants aren’t competing for that kind of compensation. How many people would eat bugs to raise mental illness awareness or increase the presence of women in politics? “It’s not a onedimensional activity, and I think that’s what people don’t see. Take the time and find out what these titleholders are up to, and you’ll see,” Ritter says. Luckily, I didn’t have to go far to find out what Natalie Murray, Mrs. Utah 2015, has been up to— she took some time out of her busy pre-pageant schedule to discuss her year. Her platform was based on emergency preparedness, which gave her the opportunity to partner with the American Red Cross and travel the state promoting preparedness strategies and resources available to Utahns. “Just last week, I had an opportunity to hand out awards to military veterans for the Wheelchair Games. Of the events I’ve done, that was the most meaningful,” Murray says. “It really touched my heart to see these veterans that have sacrificed so much.” Before taking the title last year, Murray was no stranger to beauty pageants. As a teenager, she competed within the Miss America Organization. “I really liked the self-development that came along with that,” she says. “When I got married and had kids, I didn’t know that there were pageants for married women. When I found out there was,

I was excited because I needed something that I liked to do that was just for me.” She had always been involved with community service activities, and pageants became another avenue to pursue that passion. Aside from her role as Mrs. Utah, Murray is also a fulltime mother, and is pursuing a bachelor’s degree in exercise and sports science. Even with all of these responsibilities in her life, passing the title on this year is bittersweet for Murray. “On one side, I’m ready to be done,” she says, “but it’s also very sad.” While it’s obvious that Murray will always have fond memories of her Mrs. Utah reign, it’s also obvious that she would gladly hand the crown over to any of the accomplished women who have come out to compete. By the time Murray shakes my hand and rushes backstage to put the finishing touches on her show-opening dance number, I notice the three smiling women who are taking their seats next to me.

AS AN INTERNETCERTIFIED FEMINIST, THE CULTURE BEHIND BEAUTY PAGEANTS HAS ALWAYS RAISED CERTAIN, UNANSWERABLE QUESTIONS.

A COSPLAYER, A POLITICIAN AND A REPORTER WALK INTO A PAGEANT…

After Ritter ensures that her contestants are welltaken care of, she promptly returns to her pre-show responsibilities. There are eight contestants total, some of whom have traveled from the faraway lands of Ivins and Stansbury Park to be here tonight. Their platforms vary widely, thought all of them benefit the community in some way. Most of the lineup is blond and all of them are caucasian—a combo that doesn’t really help dispel the stereotype of your typical beauty pageant contestant. Regardless, some impressive women are competing tonight, and three of them agreed to chat with me even though they were right in the middle of their hair and makeup routine.

A l i Smith is a dead ringer for Elsa from Disney’s Frozen, which is fitting considering her involvement with HEROIC (Heroes Engaging Real Organizations in Charity), a local group of cosplayers (aka “cause-players”) that contribute a superhero flair to local charity events. Smith is also involved in the Legacy Initiative, an organization that is currently constructing HOPE (Helping Other People Evolve) lockers that Salt Lake’s homeless community can use to store their belongings. Smith is representing Davis County in the pageant, and she’s the newest addition to the group. “About two weeks ago, I did the Mrs. Utah United States Pageant. The director’s sister suggested this pageant to further promote my charity involvement,” Smith says. “I just met the Mrs. Utah America girls yesterday, and we’ve already built a strong sisterhood together.” Smith’s platform is focused on promoting NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) Utah. She’s a strong advocate of raising awareness for providing help to those with mental illnesses, and she hopes to use the title of Mrs. Utah to take that advocacy further. Discussing pre-pageant preparation and the art of friendly competition with Smith quickly made me realize that the stories about cattiness and venom behind the scenes of a beauty pageant aren’t the norm here—these women genuinely seem to like each other. Despite the fact that it is a competition and there can be only one winner, Smith’s attitude toward competing is straightforward and accepting of her competitors. “There’s no reason to be mean and competitive against the other girls because they’ve prepped as much as you have,” she says. “When you get here, and you’re performing on stage, that is your moment.”

MICHELE WEEKS, MRS. DRAPER

A PAGEANT. I DON’T MEAN THAT TO SOUND UNDERWHELMING—IT WAS PAGEANTRY TO THE DEGREE THAT I WAS EXPECTING.

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JULY 14, 2016 | 17

Back in college, I had a job at ArtTix. It was a pretty low-key gig—I got to read a lot, and placing ticket orders over the phone wasn’t overly strenuous. Occasionally, we had a big show like Wicked or Jerry Seinfeld come through, appropriately kicking our asses into high gear, but nothing filled the ticket office with as much dread as pageant season. I heard horror stories of huge ticket orders, monstrous pageant moms and horrendous encounters at the will call window when someone realized that they purchased tickets for the wrong night. By the time pageant season rolled around during my tenure in the ticket office, I thought I could handle it. Let’s just say I was wrong and leave it at that. Suffice to say, my own experience with local pageants hasn’t been extremely positive, but that was a long time ago. And tonight, I have the advantage of not working in the ticket booth. Based on that one experience, I was surprised to see that the gallery wasn’t filling up with legions of relatives from all over the country, each clan fiercely bearing their ancestral coats of arms, which was what I remembered from my experience with Miss Utah. Sure, there were small pockets of impeccably dressed and pleasantly vocal supporters of the contestants, but not quite the crowd that I was expecting. Diane had explained that the numbers for Mrs. Utah America were traditionally less than those of Miss Utah, combined with the fact that it was a holiday weekend, but still. I suppose contestants in Mrs. Utah only need the support of those who mean the most to them, and that tends to be a small crowd for all of us. The pageant was, well, a pageant. I don’t mean that to sound underwhelming—it was pageantry to the degree that I was expecting. Diane’s many years of production expertise was on display, the contestants were graceful throughout, and it was evident that each of them cared deeply for their chosen platform. Natalie Murray and her two daughters kicked off the show with a properly adorable dance number, and the retrospective that chronicled her year as Mrs. Utah effectively illustrated all of the good she did during her tenure. It was the judging process that didn’t really gel with me. I only spoke with three contestants, and spending 10 minutes with each of them was enough for me to recognize their merit as human beings. According to the Mrs. Utah America guidelines,

If y o u listen to the traffic reports on KSL Channel 5 from 6-9 a.m., chances are you’ve heard Holly Barraclough breaking down the morning grind. She’s also in charge of reporting on KSL’s Teacher Feature and Utah Gives Back segments, and is in her fourth year as a wish-granter for the Utah chapter of the Make-A-Wish Foundation. Like the other contestants I have met, Barraclough has a very pragmatic approach to the night’s events and pageants in general. “I’m already doing charity work, and regardless of the title, I’ll continue to do it,” she says firmly. “The title would make my voice amplified, and it’s a perfect vehicle to get you places where you couldn’t go normally.” As a past Mrs. Utah America contestant, Barraclough is quick to cite the pageant as a learning opportunity for everyone who competes. “I would encourage all women to do a pageant. It teaches women confidence and poise which is important for a career. You never lose a pageant. You either win or you learn,” she says. After my conversations with these three contestants, I feel like I’m starting to get it. A pageant like Mrs. Utah America comprises elements of competition, beautification and a chance to be active in one’s community, so it’s no surprise that it attracts women like Smith, Weeks and Barraclough. All three are ambitious in their own charitable endeavors, so why wouldn’t they check out an avenue that lets them pursue that ambition while taking the time to enjoy themselves as women? I may not have talked with all of the contestants, but I’m sure that they’re as lovely and diverse as these three. Regardless, I find myself rooting for Mrs. Davis County, Mrs. Draper and Mrs. South Jordan— it takes some serious kindness to interrupt a prepageant hair and makeup session to talk to the likes of me.

THE PAGEANT EXPERIENCE

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When she’s not competing in pageants, Michele Weeks is a councilmember for the city of Draper. For me, these two realities did not quite compute because I didn’t know that politicians were allowed to have fun. She won the title of Mrs. Utah in 2013, which she used to raise awareness for ADHD, and this year she’s hoping to start a dialogue about the disparity between women and men in politics. “As an elected official and a woman, the gap is larger than I imagined,” she says, “Right now, women only represent 16 percent of our state representatives, and it’s very low compared to the rest of the nation.” She’s also a member of Pet Partners Utah, an organization that pairs therapy animals to those in need, and she was behind the organization of the first Wasatch Front Teacher Appreciation Day, which gave 900 local educators a night out at the Living Planet Aquarium. “Education is very important to me, and we were glad to show our appreciation to our teachers,” Weeks says. Despite the fact that the pageant is only a few hours away, my conversation with Weeks drifts by like a breezy summer afternoon—there are no pre-show jitters to speak of. Perhaps this is because she’s a veteran of the pageant circuit, and she simply enjoys the process. “As a mom of six and grandmother of two, I don’t always have time to spend on me. Pageants are a time for me to reflect on where I want to go in my life, and spend some quality time enjoying being a woman,” she says. Weeks also sees pageants as unique opportunities to meet equally dynamic women who are passionate about their communities. “I’ll take a pageant over a political campaign any day,” she says. “What’s really great about each of these contestants is their depth. Sometimes you don’t realize how philosophical and passionate these women are about their community.”

HOLLY BARRACLOUGH, MRS. SOUTH JORDAN THE PAGEANT WAS, WELL,

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POST PAGEANT REFLECTION

Though the swimsuit portion has fallen out of fashion in pageants like Miss Teen USA, it’s still very much present in pageant culture, including in the Mrs. Utah competition. half of the contestants’ scores are determined by a personal interview with the judges—this takes place offstage, however. The other half of their scores are split between their performances in the swimwear and eveningwear segments. I attempted to divine the criteria that the judges used to make their decisions because I’ve never been quite sure how they decide that one woman’s performance was better than another’s. What does bad poise look like? Is it possible to score a 6 out of 10 on grace? The onstage question and answer was a little bit less challenging to read into—it’s pretty easy to tell who bombed that one. I didn’t get the opportunity to chat with any of the judges, but I did learn that the panel consisted of two former titleholders—one of whom was Starla Stanley, an Army veteran who won Mrs. World in 1999—and a Cache County sheriff’s deputy. I absently wondered what qualified him to be the judge of a

beauty pageant, so I looked it up. Based on the information that I found online, it doesn’t look like there is any steadfast criteria for the judging process, which means that I’m probably qualified to judge a beauty pageant. I get having past contestants come back as judges—if a woman can take home the title of Mrs. World, I’d trust her opinion on what constitutes a good performance. If you’re not a past contestant, however, it looks like all you really need to judge a beauty pageant are a pair of eyes and an opinion regarding what is and is not beautiful. After the first wave of judgment, the contestants are divided in half. The four finalists then proceed to another Q&A session, which precedes the vote and announcement of the new Mrs. Utah. Holly Barraclough was third runner-up, but Ali and Michele didn’t make the finals. The finalists’ second round of questions were supposed to be the tough ones, but I personally didn’t find them to be totally up to snuff. Two contestants were asked essentially the same question—there’s not much difference between “define beauty” and “define the ‘it’ factor.” Regardless of the apparent lack of effort in devising these questions, the contestants offered up eloquent replies, demonstrating their ability to make the most of what was given to them. Since I was already confused by the judging process, this part of the pageant made it more difficult to predict who was going to take home the title. In the end, it was Monica Bailey, Mrs. Salt Lake County. She was a bit of a dark horse at the beginning, but her striking appearance in a gorgeous red gown as she offered a mic-drop-worthy answer to a fairly contrived question was enough to solidify her regality. While I was happy for her, I couldn’t help but feel a little bad for the three contestants that I got to know—even though all three of them would tell me to man the hell up. Given the hectic schedule of the newly minted Mrs. Utah, I was unable to get her spin on the pageant experience, but it wasn’t too hard to see that she was ecstatic. Bailey hopes to use her title to work with Prevent Child Abuse Utah. She also plans to start a YouTube channel as a way to connect with and support victims of emotional abuse. And, if she’s anything like the contestants that I met, she also saw the value in getting to spend the weekend with some truly amazing women—all in all, not a bad night for Mrs. Salt Lake County.

Monica Bailey, Mrs. Salt Lake County, and your new Mrs. Utah America.

On my long drive back to Salt Lake, glitz and sequins in my rearview mirror, I played the last few hours back in my head. While I can’t say that I’m officially sold on the idea of beauty pageants, my perspective on them has been sufficiently altered. Much like the physical appearance of a person, a pageant only represents a small part of those who are involved. The problem lies in the fact that we’re still living in a society that places an overabundance of value on physical appearances, so most people’s knees tend to jerk in that direction when offering up their criticisms. A deeper look into the actual stories, causes and ambitions of the contestants offers a more accurate perspective of the women who compete in pageants. There’s a small part of me that thinks clever women use beauty pageants as a way to subvert our societal obsession with beauty as a springboard for whatever cause that they’re striving to promote. But after visiting with some local contestants, a bigger part of me thinks that most pageant competitors are just looking for a way to do something nice while having a little fun in the process. Regardless of the conversation du jour that we could have about the ills of pageant culture, after taking the time to look beneath the obvious and focus on the actual people within this community, I’d say it’s time to give these ladies a break. Competing in a pageant might not be every woman’s thing—and it doesn’t have to be. But to those who are working hard toward this goal, it’s safe to say that they’re worthy of respect; it’s just a matter of turning our criticisms on ourselves, looking past the contestants’ physical appearance, and trying to find out who they are as people. In the end, it reminded me of an experience that I had while waiting in line for the Firefly reunion at San Diego Comic-Con. My wife and I happened to be standing in front of a fairly vocal member of the geek community, and someone mentioned the Twilight fan culture. In true comic-book-guy fashion, this dude behind us snorted in derision. He launched into a tirade about how Twilight is lame, and how he couldn’t understand why people loved that story enough to dress up like vampires in the middle of the summer. The irony of this situation? Homeboy was dressed up like Han Solo. He loved Star Wars to the point of dressing up as an intergalactic smuggler, yet he couldn’t understand why another story would be so important to anyone else, because it sure as hell wasn’t important to him. Let us all learn from the folly of Han Solo dude, and just let people find whatever it is that makes them happy. Then leave them the fuck alone. How’s that for a Miss Congeniality answer? CW

ESSENTIALS

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Elmer Presslee: Unprovoked Collaborations Elmer Presslee—the artistic alias of William Robbins—is a true local eccentric and outsider artist, in the Robert Williams/Juxtapoz tradition. Stuffed animals, doll appendages and plastic toys, often with googly eyes, commingle in his pop-culture fantasies—or nightmares, depending on your point of view. His body of work—and “body” is the appropriate word—includes paintings, mixed media and even furniture, though it’s hard to imagine using some of them, since the surfaces are riddled with plush dolls you don’t want to squish (or maybe you do), plastic elbows or other alarming images. He is probably best known for his mixed media sculptures (for lack of a better term); there is a legend of him leaving a sculpture of a head outside the Koln Cathedral in Germany. He might not have put the “skull” in “sculpture,” but he is definitely helping keep it there. I first encountered Presslee’s work in the window of the now-defunct Kayo Gallery on 300 South—a gawking rubber face with tantalizing tentacles sizing me up from the display window—and I was instantly hooked. This recent exhibit takes place a little farther west along 300 South, and God Hates Robots is an ideal place to see his work. Unprovoked Collaborations isn’t really a series of collaborations at all, unless perhaps you consider them collaborations between his various aesthetic personalities, or perhaps items of cultural detritus he has appropriated for his warped creative bent. (Brian Staker) Elmer Presslee: Unprovoked Collaborations @ God Hates Robots, 314 W. 300 South, Ste. 250, July 15-Aug. 12; opening reception July 15, 6-9 p.m. GodHatesRobots.com

FRIDAY 7.15

Neil Simon Festival The Utah Shakespeare Festival isn’t the only theater festival Cedar City hosts this summer. Though not nearly as well-known, the Neil Simon Festival has been almost as consistent since its inception 13 years ago, and it has attempted to be as varied. Even if Simon’s name doesn’t immediately ring any bells, you almost certainly know his work. He penned such Broadway classics as The Odd Couple, on which Matthew Perry’s current TV series is based, and Barefoot in the Park, in addition to many others. The Simon Festival began taking form in 1997, when Richard Bugg, its founder, started devoting his energies toward planning something that would give the writer the credit Bugg believed he deserved. The festival’s had its first run in 2003, and it has missed only one year since. Four shows are featured in this 12th incarnation, in addition to one preview performance—a Sunday variety show and a reading of a play by a Simonto-be aspiring playwright. Those shows range from autobiography to musical, and love story to comedy, headlined by Simon’s own Brighton Beach Memoirs (pictured) and London Suite, in addition to On Golden Pond and Hank Williams: Lost Highway. Tickets (individual or season) can be purchased via internet, phone or in-person at the box office on the day of any performance. Learn more about this great playwright as you sit back and enjoy a few of his creations. (Casey Koldewyn) Neil Simon Festival @ Heritage Center Theater, 105 N. 100 East, Cedar City, 435267-0194, through Aug. 13, see website for dates, showtimes and tickets. SimonFest.org

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Mad Libs—the famous, iconic word game, generated by filling in blanks with your own unintentionally amusing words—has been a staple of family road trips for generations. And now it’s going on a road trip of its own, driving across the country in search of America’s favorite adjective, and making a stop at The King’s English. For 60 years, the creators of Mad Libs—comedy writers Leonard Stern and Roger Price—have been entertaining children and adults with the unpredictable game of filling in the blanks with adjectives, nouns and verbs, while putting your own humorous spin on the popular party game and travel companion. Currently there are more than 125 million Mad Libs books in print, with titles that range from Star Wars to Scooby-Doo to Aerosmith. In addition, there have been more than 8 million downloads of the app, making it even easier to play the game without lugging the notebook and pencil. It’s is a hilarious game with endless combinations—no two end up the same. The touring Mad Libs neon green and blue van comes complete with a dry-erase surface so fans can add their own personal touches. One of New York’s popular standup comedians, Annie Claffey, will be at the helm, and on the lookout for the most creative suggestions along the journey. Fans can follow along on the Mad Libs Facebook and Twitter pages, as there will be giveaways and photo opportunities at every stop. (Aimee L. Cook) Mad Libs Road Trip @The King’s English, 1511 S. 1500 East, 801-484-9100, July 14, 6 p.m., free. KingsEnglish.com

FRIDAY 7.15

Is there anything Marc Maron can’t do at this point? A decade ago, he was simply a standup comedian, working hard on the road but not getting a lot of attention from major media. After converting a garage into a podcast studio and launching one of the most successful shows in the history of the medium, there’s no denying his genius or work ethic. Having performed on stage for nearly three decades, Maron was a staple of the New York comedy circuit, where he often tore apart the culture at the time and his own relationships. In 2009, he launched the highly successful WTF podcast, where he brought on friends and colleagues to tell stories and discuss their careers. The show’s popularity exploded to the point where he has interviewed hundreds of celebrities, and even a sitting president, making his show the No. 1 comedy program on iTunes. The project’s success helped launch his IFC show, Maron, which already had three successful seasons and, currently in its fourth, will have its series finale on July 14. Maron will pop through Salt Lake City for three nights at Wiseguys, taking an extra-observant look at his own life, the relationships he’s had over the years (and why he isn’t in them anymore) and odd stories about the life he currently leads as one of the most well-known podcasters in the world. And with any luck, we’ll end up being a talking point in one of his new episodes. (Gavin Sheehan) Marc Maron @ Wiseguys Salt Lake City, 194 S. 400 West, 801-532-5233, July 14-16, 7 p.m. & 9:30 p.m., 21+, $25. WiseguysComedy.com

Mad Libs Road Trip

THURSDAY 7.14

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THURSDAY 7.14 Marc Maron

ENTERTAINMENT PICKS JULY 14-20, 2016

KARL HUGH

the

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t’s been a tough year for the Utah Film Center, after the fire that destroyed its offices, but the organization returns from a June hiatus with the annual Damn! These Heels LGBT-themed film festival. Here’s a look at several of the features that will be screened July 15-17 at the Rose Wagner Center (138 W. 300 South, Salt Lake City, 801-355-2787, UtahFilmCenter.org/DTH2016). Additional capsule reviews at CityWeekly.net.

July 16, 9:15 p.m.

A small-town tomboy with plans for the military (Lola Kirke) begins questioning her life decisions when she meets a married-withkids free spirit (Breeda Wool) shortly before her date of enlistment. Director/co-writer Deb Shoval adapted her feature debut from an earlier short (also starring Wool), and the narrative doesn’t always feel like it quite managed the leap, struggling occasionally to fill even the relatively brief running time. Still, meandering aside, the lead performers are both fantastic (and generate some real heat together during the early scenes), and are bolstered by a supporting cast that fits seamlessly into the blue-collar Pennsylvania backdrop. A special shout-out to Bill Sage, who underplays beautifully as a husband who may not be quite as oblivious as initially advertised. Capturing rural American life without condescending or beautification is no small feat. (AW)

July 16, 7:15 p.m.

CELLULOID DREAMS

AWOL

From Afar

Winner of the Golden Lion at this past year’s Venice Film Festival, From Afar is a sparse, laconic contemplation of the relationship between a middle-aged designer of dental prosthetics and a barely-out-of-his-teens quasi-criminal who initially bristles at the older man’s attention but gradually comes to regard him as a friend and, eventually, lover. Alfredo Castro and Luis Silva compel in the two lead roles, often without the ability to lean on written text to convey dramatic conflict. Writer-director Lorenzo Vigas is in no rush whatsoever, nor does he feel any apparent need to overexplain, or explain at all. Frequently, action takes place outside the frame, and the film’s protagonist is enigmatic to the point of being spectral. Definitely not a film for the short of attention span, and feels more like a filmic novella than a feature, but From Afar’s vivid evocation of its Caracas, Venezuela, setting and avoidance of gay stereotypes make it an intriguing watch. (DB)

ENTERTAINMENT ONE

ELEVATION PICTURES

July 17, 3:15 p.m.

Closet Monster

A teen obsessed with horror makeup (Connor Jessup) finds himself undergoing one heck of an identity crisis, with memories of longburied childhood traumas and concerns about his future lurching into his everyday

Hunky Dory

For a considerable amount of its running time—and for far too much of its first half—Hunky Dory is content to substitute

an affected wan apathy for actual story or characters. Director Marc Edward Johnson and lead actor Tomas Pais’ script is content for the most part to chronicle would-be glam rocker/actual cabaret drag performer Sidney’s addled wanderings through various relationships while keeping half an eye on his son George, unceremoniously dumped by his mother on Sidney’s doorstep. About midway through—once Sidney begins to face reality and responsibility with a more realistic eye—the film begins to pick up, and lands the ending in a satisfactorily smooth manner. And so Hunky Dory is a worthwhile watch, with a terrific, seamlessly naturalistic performance by Edouard Holdener as George, and a well-curated soundtrack. Its matter-of-fact sexual modernity is a pleasing touch, and ultimately a panacea that offsets its rough spots as technical cinema. (DB)

bounces between characters in a way that too rarely pulls them together into a narrative, and makes the stories more about individuals than about the sometimes lifesaving relationships between them. There’s important material here in the recognition that social changes like marriage equality don’t instantly trickle down to better lives for all marginalized people; there’s just a missing piece that doesn’t quite capture how these houses become a home. (SR)

July 16, 7 p.m.

FOUR LINE FILMS

BY DANNY BOWES, SCOTT RENSHAW, ERIC D. SNIDER AND ANDREW WRIGHT

July 17, 1 p.m. HARD WORKING MOVIES

A look at some of the features at the 2016 Damn These Heels Film Festival.

life. What’s more, his growing interest in a handsome co-worker threatens to finally dynamite the rickety connection between him and his alpha-male father (Aaron Abrams). The fact that Isabella Rossellini voices an advice-giving hamster is probably reason enough to recommend this, but writer/director Stephen Dunn’s witty, sincere feature debut has right notes to spare, effortlessly transitioning between pointed fantasy and harsh reality. A surreal coming-of-age story that manages to be quirky without ever drifting into twee affectation—yes, that somehow even includes the aforementioned hamster—and generous enough to grant complex personality facets to the smaller supporting roles. Abrams, pulling a 180 from his nebbishy character on the Hannibal series, is particularly terrific, with elements of affection and pride tinging his most boorish moments. All this, plus a few dashes of alarming Cronenbergian body horror, to boot. (AW)

RACE POINT FILMS

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Go to Heel

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A&E

FILM FEST

Kiki

More than 25 years after Paris Is Burning introduced documentary audiences to New York’s underground LGBT “balls,” Jordenö Sara re-visits the world of vogueing and “house” competitions. And unfair though it might be to compare this movie to that ground-breaking work, it’s hard not to wish for more of a sense of discovery. The individual character studies are often compelling and heartbreaking—Sara makes a powerful filmmaking choice by often holding sustained takes on faces as we hear their stories—capturing black and Latino kids trying to survive in a world where homelessness, sex work, family rejection and HIV conspire to crush their spirits. But with a relatively small amount of time spent on the vitality of the ball performances themselves, Kiki

Loev

Two longtime friends—one an aspiring music producer (Dhruv Ganesh) based in Mumbai, the other a successful New York businessman (Shiv Pandet)—take a road trip to the beautiful Western Ghats of India. As they goof off and take in the sights, their long-repressed feelings and resentments begin roaring back. The story behind writer/director Sudhanshu Saria’s character piece would most likely make a good movie in itself; the production was largely filmed in secret, as homosexuality is still considered a crime in India. To the credit of the filmmaker, though, little of that tension is evident on the screen, where the chemistry between the two leads is so natural and effortlessly lived-in that it feels doubly upsetting when the mood eventually darkens. Even at its most potentially melodramatic, however, things are saved from ever getting too heavy by the rapport between the actors, and the sporadic appearance of a scenestealing Siddharth Menon, who is somehow simultaneously hilarious and annoying as a flighty boyfriend. This charming, insightful film is dedicated to Ganesh, who passed away shortly after filming. (AW)

July 16, 9:30 p.m.

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JULY 14, 2016 | 21

CINEMIEN

July 17, 3 p.m.

Oriented

Here’s a perfectly watchable documentary that serves no apparent purpose other than to make media celebs out of its gay Millennial Palestinian subjects. Tidily edited into arcs like an MTV reality series, the film follows three Arab friends in Tel Aviv— sassy Muslim party boy Khader, Palestinian activist Fadi and closeted ex-Christian Naeem—as they, uh, hang around. (OK, they make a couple of LGBT-themed music videos to “raise awareness,” or something.) Director Jake Witzenfeld captures choice emotional moments—like Naeem standing up to his parents and Khader being overwhelmed by Fadi’s family’s supportiveness—and the guys’ personal dramas can be entertaining. But the fascinating complexities of being a gay Arab in Israel are only superficially addressed, and some sequences feel contrived, while others are clichéd. Moreover, the film never answers the basic question: Why are we following these specific people at this particular time? The film doesn’t seem to realize that question even matters. When there’s a glut of LGBT stories (a good problem to have, to be sure), we have to be selective about which ones we give our time to. (EDS)

July 16, 12:15 p.m.

Set the Thames on Fire

Well, I suppose this is one way to go about chronicling the apocalypse. Director Ben Charles Edwards and writer Al Joshua set their singularly weird story in a future London where the rise of the Thames has inundated much of the city, focusing on two somewhat accidental friends: a piano player named Art (Michael Winder) and an escaped mental patient named Sal (Max Bennett). Their somewhat episodic misadventures introduce them to several odd characters—a brutal city boss called the Impresario (Gerard Mc Dermott); a philosophical street magician (David Hoyle)—along their seemingly impossible quest to move to Egypt, and there’s no question that Edwards and Joshua have a unique backdrop for their tale filled with convincingly decrepit set designs. Unique and weird, unfortunately, don’t always add up to dramatically compelling, especially when it seems mostly like an allegorical fairy tale, and not one intended to create fully realized characters. Memorably strange though many of these individual encounters may be, the movie ends up saying little that’s truly insightful about love, or survival, or friendship, or much of anything else. (SR)

July 15, 10:30 p.m.

The Slippers

Director Morgan White takes a jumbled but consistently fascinating look at the most celebrated piece of Hollywood movie memorabilia in history: Dorothy’s ruby slippers from The Wizard of Oz. Or, more to the point, pieces (plural) of movie memorabilia, as White follows the trail of ownership of several different pairs of shoes used in the making of the movie, all of them discovered—and rescued—during the proposed sell-off of MGM’s assets in 1970 by costumer and film buff Kent Warner. It’s hard to get a handle on White’s organizational concept, as he bounces around both in time and from one pair to another, to the point where it’s sometimes hard to know which pair we’re talking about at any given time. But the individual stories are so intriguing—Theft! Double-crosses! Debbie Reynolds!—and the characters so distinctive that it’s still hard to resist. And The Slippers ends up being about more than the appeal of this particular item, ultimately exploring the rise of the entire collectibles market, and the way that our emotional attachment to the movies we love compels us at times to want a piece of them. (SR)

July 17, 12:30 p.m.

Strike A Pose

Ester Gould and Reijer Zwaan catch up 25 years later with the six surviving male dancers who were part of Madonna’s 1990 “Blond Ambition” tour and subsequent Truth or Dare documentary—and the result is a documentary that’s intriguingly complex at exploring its impact on their lives. The filmmakers lay out the background of how Madonna pulled many of them from New York’s underground gay dance culture, and the unique family that formed as part of that tour. But it’s also a story of young men who weren’t always ready for what that high-profile experience would bring them, from “outing” them to the public to leading them into substance abuse. There’s an inevitably fragmented nature to the story as each subject only gets a limited amount of time, and it’s hard not to wish there was more time for each story. But as Strike a Pose builds to a reunion dinner, there’s a genuinely emotional anchor as these men realize, despite their individual struggles over the subsequent decades, they changed the lives of many other gay youth who watched them, and changed one another’s lives as well. (SR)

July 17, 7:30 p.m.

PINBALL LONDON

As the march for LGBT rights continues worldwide, documentaries from foreign lands are trickling in like newsreels from the battlefront. Out Run brings the latest word from the Philippines, and while it’s a competent summary of the struggle to get LGBT representation in the Philippine legislature, its impact is hindered by the enemy of all documentarians: uncooperative facts. Directors S. Leo Chiang and Johnny Symons follow Ladlad, an LGBT political party that, in 2013, put up three candidates for Congress, including a transgender woman. Besides the obvious challenges in a strongly Catholic country, Ladlad has opposition from a homophobic preacher-turned-politician who thinks gays have enough rights as it is, and from LGBTs who think Ladlad should be campaigning not just for an anti-discrimination bill but for marriage equality. The colorful characters, the smug villain, the multi-pronged conflict—the raw materials are there—but the election results deflate the story, forcing an unsatisfying finish. The film would be better if the directors had waited for real life to provide a better ending. As it stands, it’s more like a work in progress. (EDS)

MOTTO PICTURES

Out Run

BLONDE TO BLACK PICTURES

July 16, noon

THE SMITHSONIAN

PERSISTENT FILMS

LUCKY RED

As solid as the central idea is in co-writer/ director Maria Sole Tognazzi’s drama, it’s hard not to feel like it’s a short story stretched to the length of a feature. In Rome, previously married architect Federica (Margherita Buy) and retired actress Marina (Sabrina Ferilli) have been living together for five years, yet Federica still struggles to be fully open about the nature of their relationship—a dynamic which culminates in an affair with a man she once knew years earlier. There’s a refreshing forthrightness here about the fluidity of attraction; Tognazzi never suggests that Federica is trying to “convince herself” that she’s not really gay, and Buy plays the role with genuine confusion. Yet despite the number of characters and complications introduced into this relationship, it starts to feel that the narrative is running in circles to find new obstacles. There might be an honest messiness to the way this love affair struggles and backtracks, and a lightness to the tone that avoids tragic angst, but after a while, it just starts to feel like postponing the inevitable. (SR) CONCH STUDIOS

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Me, Myself & Her

Southwest of Salem: Uncle Howard The Story of the San Antonio Four The title seems intended to evoke another well-documented case of a potentially wrongful conviction—that of the “West Memphis Three”—and the comparisons are certainly noteworthy. Deborah S. Esquenazi here tracks the story of four Texas women— Liz Ramirez, Anna Vasquez, Cassie Rivera and Kristine Mayhugh—who were accused in 1994 of sexually assaulting Ramirez’s young nieces. Where hysteria over devil worship framed the “West Memphis Three” case, it’s the fact that the four women were gay that appears to have tipped the scales of justice here, and Esquenazi diligently tracks the criminal trials and attempts by the Innocence Project of Texas to re-open their case. But she’s much more interested in the consequences to these women as people, spending time addressing what they’ve lost during their incarceration, and Vasquez’s adjustment to freedom after she’s paroled. The result hits some effective emotional targets, even as it drifts from subject to subject, and works better at inspiring compassion for these women than outrage at the prejudice—and the specific people—responsible for their plight. (SR)

July 15, 8 p.m.

Director Aaron Brookner is clearly passionate about re-discovering the legacy of his uncle, filmmaker Howard Brookner, who died of AIDS-related causes in 1989 at the age of 34. And that passion may be the one thing interfering in this fascinating portrait of a career cut short. Beginning with an attempt to recover Howard’s archive of materials related to his 1983 documentary about William Burroughs, Uncle Howard explores its subjects other projects—the documentary Robert Wilson and the Civil Wars, and the Madonna/Matt Dillon feature Bloodhounds of Broadway— while also offering a chronicle of New York in the 1980s, as the specter of AIDS came to hang over the lives of so many artists. The archival footage alone is terrific, capturing Howard’s work with future directors Jim Jarmusch and Tom DiCillo as part of his crew, and wonderful bits like Burroughs reciting “Howl” while Alan Ginsburg stands next to him correcting Burroughs’ mistakes. Yet while it’s understandable that Aaron Brookner wants to look at Howard not just as an artist, but as a person, the snippets from family members and Aaron’s own intrusions as a character feel like burying the lead. It’s still worth realizing that, as much as Aaron lost a beloved family member, we all lost years of work from a generation of gifted artists. (SR)

July 16, 2:30 p.m.

moreESSENTIALS

PERFORMANCE

THEATER

Arsenic and Old Lace Caine Lyric Theatre, 28 West Center St., Logan, 435-797-8022, through Aug. 5, varying days, 7:30 p.m., CCA.USU.edu Baskerville: A Sherlock Holmes Mystery Caine Lyric Theatre, 28 West Center St., Logan, 435797-8022, through Aug. 6, varying days and times, CCA.USU.edu Fireside in Zarahemla Heritage Center Theatre, 105 N. 100 East, Cedar City, 435-267-0194, July 17-Aug. 7, Sundays, 7 p.m., SimonFest.org Footloose SCERA Outdoor Theater, 699 S. State, Orem, 801-225-2787, through July 16, varying days, 8 p.m., SCERA.org Hairspray Midvale Performing Arts Center, 695 Center St., Midvale, 801-294-1242, through July 18, Monday & Thursday-Saturday, 7:30 p.m., SugarFactoryPlayhouse.com

COMPLETE LISTINGS ONLINE @ CITYWEEKLY.NET

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a Two-Bit Town Good Company Theatre, 260 25th St., Ogden, July 15-24, Thursday-Saturday, 8 p.m.; Sunday, 4 p.m., GoodCoTheatre.com (see p. 55) The Music Man Ziegfeld Theater, 3934 S. Washington Blvd., Ogden, 855-944-2787, through Aug. 13, Mondays & Fridays, 7:30 p.m.; Saturdays, 2 & 7:30 p.m., TheZiegfeldTheater.com Neil Simon Festival Heritage Center Theatre, 105 N. 100 East, Cedar City, 435-267-0194, through Aug. 8, various days and times, SimonFest.org (see p. 19) Perfect Pitch Desert Star Theatre, 4861 S. State, Murray, 801-266-2600, through Aug. 20, varying days and times, Monday-Friday, DesertStar.biz Peter Pan Hale Center Theatre Orem, 225 W. 400 North, 801-226-8600, through Aug. 6, Monday-Saturday, 7:30 P.M., Saturday matinee 3 p.m., HaleTheatre.org Peter Pan Utah Theatre, 18 W. Center St., Logan,

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moreESSENTIALS

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801-355-2787, through Aug. 4, varying days and times, ArtSaltLake.org Pirates of Penzance The Off Broadway Theatre, 272 S. Main, 801-355-4628, through July 23, Monday, Friday & Saturday, 7:30 p.m.; Saturday matinee, 2 p.m., TheOBT.org Rock of Ages Egyptian Theatre, 328 S. Main, Park City, 435-649-9371, through July 24, Thursday-Saturday, 8 p.m.; Sunday, 6 p.m., EgyptianTheatreCompany.org Saturday’s Voyeur Salt Lake Acting Co., 168 W. 500 North, 801-363-7522, through Aug. 28, Wednesday-Saturday, 7:30 p.m.; Sunday, 1 & 6 p.m., SaltLakeActingCompany.org Show Boat Ellen Eccles Theatre, 43 S. Main, Logan, 801-355-2787, through Aug. 5, varying days and times, ArtSaltLake.org Shrek the Musical Beverly’s Terrace Plaza Playhouse, 99 E. 4700 South, Ogden, 801-3930070, through July 30, Mondays, Fridays & Saturdays, 7:30 p.m., TerracePlayhouse.com Singin’ in the Rain Caine Lyric Theatre, 28 W. Center St., Logan, through Aug. 6, varying days and times, CCA.USU.edu Tarzan Garcia’s Mexican Restaurant, 1075 N. Hill Field Road, Layton, 801-262-5083, July 20, 7:30 p.m., SaltyDinnerTheater.com Utah Shakespeare Festival Randall L. Jones Theatre, 351 W. Center St., Cedar City, 435-5867878, through Sept. 11, varying days and times, Bard.org West Side Story CenterPoint Legacy Theatre, 525 N. 400 West, Centerville, 801-298-1302, through July 18, varying days and times, CenterPointTheatre.org The Wizard of Oz High Valley Arts Outdoor Theater, 400 E. 250 South, Midway, through July 16, varying days, 8:15 p.m., HighValleyArts.org You Can’t Take It With You Caine Lyric Theatre, 28 W. Center St., Logan, through Aug 5, varying days and times, CCA.USU.edu

DANCE

Jewels of the Nile The State Room, 638 State St., 801-596-3560, July 15, 8 p.m., $15, StephanieShimmys.com

CLASSICAL & SYMPHONY

Ashton Olsen and the Pizzicato Strings Ed Kenley Amphitheater, 403 N. Wasatch Drive, Layton, 801-546-8575, July 17, 7 p.m., DavisArts.org Beethoven Festival Concert Park City Community Church, 4501 N. Highway 224, Park City, July 14, 7:30 p.m.; Temple Har Shalom, 3700 N. Brookside Court, Park City, July 17, 3 p.m., PCMusicFestival.com Chamber Music in the Park Park City Bandstand, 13th St. Sullivan Rd., July 18, 6 p.m., PCMusicFestival.com Intermezzo Chamber Music Series: Concert III Westminster College, 1840 S. 1300 East, Salt Lake City, July 18, 7:30 p.m., IntermezzoConcerts.org The Piano Guys USANA Amphitheatre, 5150 S. 6055 West, Salt Lake City, 801-467-8499, July 16, 8 p.m., UConcerts.com Utah Festival Opera & Musical Ellen Eccles Theatre, 43 S. Main St., Logan, 801-3552787, through Aug. 6, varying days and times, ArtSaltLake.org Utah Symphony: McDuffie Plays American Four St. Mary’s Church, 1505 White Pine Canyon Road, Park City, 801-355-2787, July 20, 8 p.m., ArtSaltLake.org

WorldStage! Summer Concert Series: West Valley Symphony Utah Cultural Celebration Center Auditorium, 1355 W. 3100 South, West Valley City, 801-965-5100, July 18, 7 p.m., WestValleySymphonyUtah.org

COMEDY & IMPROV

Improv Broadway Brigham Larson Pianos, 1497 S. State, Orem, 909-260-2509, every Friday, 8 p.m., ImprovBroadway.com Improv Comedy Ziegfeld Theater, 3934 Washington Blvd., Ogden, 435-327-8273, every Saturday, 9:30 p.m., OgdenComedyLoft.com Josh Blue Wiseguys Ogden, 269 25th St., Ogden, 801-622-5588, July 16, 7 & 9 p.m., WiseguysComedy.com Laughing Stock Improv The Off Broadway Theatre, 272 S. Main, 801-355-4628, Fridays & Saturdays, 10 p.m., LaughingStock.us Marc Maron Wiseguys SLC, 194 S. 400 West, Salt Lake City, 801-532-5233, July 14, 7 p.m.; July 15-16, 7 & 9:30 p.m., WiseguysComedy.com (see p. 19) Off the Wall Comedy Improv Draper Historic Theatre, 12366 S. 900 East, Draper, 801-572-4144, every Saturday, 10:30 p.m., DraperTheatre.org Open Mic Night Wiseguys SLC, 194 S. 400 West, 801-532-5233, every Wednesday, 7:30 p.m., WiseguysComedy.com Spence Roper Wiseguys Ogden, 269 25th St., Ogden, 801-622-5588, July 15, 8 p.m., WiseguysComedy.com Stand-Up Comedy Comedy Loft, 3934 Washington Blvd., Ogden, 435-327-8273, July 15 (first and third Friday of each month), 8 p.m., OgdenComedyLoft.com

LITERATURE AUTHOR APPEARANCES

Becky Rosenthal: Fast to the Table Freezer Cookbook: Freezer-Friendly Recipes and Frozen Food Shortcuts The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, 801-484-9100, July 14, 7 p.m., free, KingsEnglish.com Brad Watson: Miss Jane The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, 801-484-9100, July 15, 7 p.m., free, KingsEnglish.com Kiersten White: And I Darken The King’s English, 1511 S. 1500 East, 801-484-9100, July 16, 7 p.m., free, KingsEnglish.com Linda S. Carney: I’ve Been Dirty and I’ve Been Clean and Clean is Better (You Know What I Mean?) Weller Book Works, 607 Trolley Square, 801328-2586, July 16, 2 p.m., WellerBookWorks.com Mad Libs Road Trip King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, Salt Lake City, 801-484-9100, July 14, 6 p.m., KingsEnglish.com (see p. 19)

SPECIAL EVENTS FARMERS MARKETS

Park City Farmers Market The Canyons Resort, 1951 Canyons Resort Drive, Park City, Wednesdays, noon-6 p.m., through Oct. 26, ParkCityFarmersMarket.com Park Silly Sunday Market 600 Main St., Park City, Sundays, 10 a.m.-5 p.m., through Sept. 18, ParkSillySundayMarket.com Sugar House Farmers Market Fairmont Park, 1040 E. Sugarmont Ave., Salt Lake City, through Oct. 26, Wednesdays, 5-8 p.m.,

ALOHA!

14TH ANNUAL LAYTON CITY FESTIVAL & SCHOLARSHIP BENEFIT

FRIDAY, JULY 29TH

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Edward Kinley Amphitheater in Layton Food • Fun • Activities Vendors • Luau Dinner & Show Doors open: 4:30 | Dinner 5:30-6:30 | Show 7:00-9:00 Kids Under 5 Free

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John Berry's solo exhibition Duality features abstract works including "Synthetica" (pictured) July 15-Aug. 12 at Modern West Fine Art, 177 E. 200 South, 801-355-3383, ModernWestFineArt.com

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SugarHouseFarmersMarket.org Downtown Farmers Market Pioneer Park, 300 S. 300 West, Salt Lake City, through Oct. 22, Saturdays, 8 a.m.-2 p.m., SLCFarmersMarket.org

VISUAL ART GALLERIES & MUSEUMS

The Abstracts of Brad Lloyd Teare Marmalade Branch, 280 W. 500 North, 801-594-8680, through Aug. 3, SLCPL.org Architecture of Place Alice Gallery, 617 E. South Temple, 801-236-7555, July 15-Sept. 9, free, VisualArts.utah.gov A Beautiful Wall CUAC, 175 E. 200 South, 385215-6768, July 15-Sept. 9, CUArtCenter.org Colleen Ann Wooten: HeArt to Recover Anderson-Foothill Library, 1135 S. 2100 East, 801594-8611, through Aug. 12, SLCPL.org Colour Maisch and Gary Vlasic: Albedo Nigredo Art Barn/Finch Lane Gallery, 54 Finch Lane, 801596-5000, through Aug. 5, SaltLakeArts.org David Sharp: Primitive Spirit Salt Lake City Chapman Library, 577 S. 900 West, 801-5948623, through Aug. 25, SLCPL.org DemoGraphics Rio Gallery, 300 S. Rio Grande St., 801-245-7272, July 15-Sept. 2, Heritage.Utah.gov Denise Duong: New Work JGO Gallery, 408 Main St., Park City, 435-649-1006, through July 22, JGOGallery.com Don Weller: Another Cowboy Kimball Art Center, 1401 Kearns Blvd., Park City, 435-6498882, through July 24, KimballArtCenter.org Elmer Presslee: Unprovoked Collaborations God Hates Robots, 314 W. Broadway, Ste. 250, July 15-Aug. 12; opening reception July 15, 6-9 p.m, GodHatesRobots.com (see p. 19) Eric Peterson: Wildlife Photography Red Butte Garden, 300 S. Wakara Way, 801-585-0556, through July 17, 9 a.m.-9 p.m., $7-$12, children under 3 free, RedButteGarden.org Ideologue Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through July 23, UtahMOCA.org Jennet Thomas: The Unspeakable Freedom Device Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through July 30, UtahMOCA.org Jim Williams: 265 I...Home As Self-Portrait Utah Musuem of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through Sept. 24, UtahMOCA.org Jennifer Seely: Supporting Elements Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through Sept. 24, UtahMOCA.org John Berry: Duality Modern West Fine Art Gallery, 177 E. 200 South, 801-355-3383, July 15-Aug. 13, ModernWestFineArt.com (see above) Magical Thinking CUAC, 175 E. 200 South, 385215-6768, July 15-Sept. 9, CUArtCenter.org

SLC BRUNCH

Brunchables

DINE

Some tasty, lesser-known additions to your list of top local brunch spots. BY TED SCHEFFLER comments@cityweekly.net @critic1

JOHN TAYLOR

Stoneground’s ricotta pancakes

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JULY 14, 2016 | 27

Hawaiian ahi served atop a fresh, gorgeous niçoise salad ($18). And hey, it’s hard to beat the $3 mimosas, made with high-quality sparkling wine. Ditta Caffè (1560 E. 3300 South, 801-4104696, DittaCaffe.com) is a locally owned deli, bakery and coffee shop that features coffee and espresso roasted by Charming Beard. Stop in for Sunday brunch and find a seat on the patio before digging into one of Ditta’s bagel breakfast sandwiches ($5) or the yummy breakfast burrito ($5.15). Housemade pastries start at $2, and there’s also a fantastic selection of made-to-order sandwiches featuring meats and cheeses from Caputo’s. The tuna on rye ($6.75 with chips or greens) is a must-have. I doubt there is anybody that doesn’t already know about SLC’s Pig & A Jelly Jar. But, many might not know that there is now an Ogden location: Pig & A Jelly Jar II (227 E. 25th St., 801-605-8400, PigAndAJellyJar. com). Like at the SLC location, Ogden’s Pig II is funky and laid-back, but with superfriendly and professional service. And, you won’t have to wait as long for a table in Ogden as you would in SLC. We like to dine out back on the sunny patio, sipping glasses of Big House white wine ($5/glass). Like the original, Pig II serves hearty, Southern-style brunch dishes such as pulled pork sandwiches ($10), Buffalo chicken sliders ($9), chicken and waffles ($10), Creole pork belly Benedict ($12), biscuits and sausage gravy ($9) and such. I’m especially fond of the spicy fried chicken, served slider-style on flaky homemade buttermilk biscuits with smoky and spicy whole-grain mustard “chow chow” ($10). For something a tad lighter, try the generously portioned curried chicken salad ($10), and be sure to order up a side of fried green tomatoes. Happy brunching! CW

($11), which is housemade Greek sausage patties, two over-easy eggs, Greek yogurt and breakfast potatoes, sliced lengthwise and fried till crisp. Manoli’s sausage is so much more appealing than typical American pork sausage, with hints of orange zest and herbs. Citrus- and ouzo-cured salmon (dako) with green olive relish, whipped myzithra, shaved red onion and arugula on a toasted baguette ($13) is equally outstanding. Be sure to enjoy a mimosa ($4) or delicious Greek coffee ($4). For the lightest, fluffiest pancakes on the planet, make your way to Lazy Day Café (2020 E. 3300 South, 801-953-0311, LazyDayCafe.net), where brunch/breakfast is served from 8 a.m.-2 p.m. The aforementioned pancakes are lemon pancakes ($7.50), served with buttermilk syrup that is also made in-house. The pork chile verde breakfast burrito ($8.50) is a real crowdpleaser, as is shrimp and grits ($8.50). Fried scones, beignets, corned beef hash and biscuits with gravy are just another handful of Lazy Day Café’s many morning temptations. Most SLC diners are familiar with Current Fish & Oyster’s (279 E. 300 South, 801-326-3474, CurrentFishAndOyster.com) excellent nighttime and lunch menus. But, did you know it now also serves brunch? And, not surprisingly, it’s geared toward seafood lovers. So, consider kicking off your meal with oyster shooters ($3) and the heavenly ricotta doughnuts ($5) before moving on to more substantial items like the buttermilk fried chicken with white cheddar and green onion waffle ($15), or the terrific seafood Cobb salad ($19) with prawns, crab, scallops, local egg and more. The Mexican-style shrimp chilaquiles ($14) will light the fire within—a dish of fried tortilla chips and black beans covered in a spicy, dark guajillo sauce, topped with cotija cheese chunks, avocado and a fried egg. The missus also loved her blackened

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

tend to think of weekend brunch as a spring and summertime indulgence—one that should necessitate sunscreen and an abandoning of concerns about cholesterol. And, while I don’t normally drink during the day, brunch is an excuse for that mid-day mimosa, Kir or cocktail on a sunny patio. You’re probably already familiar with the most popular, well-established brunch spots around. They are places like Tuscany, Grand America, Trio, Eggs in the City, The Park Café, Avenues Proper, Eva, Pago, Frida Bistro, Caffe Niche, Oasis Café, Copper Onion, Ruth’s Diner, Gracie’s and a few others. But my job is to find places that you might not have yet explored. So here are some newer options, along with under-the-radar finds that you really ought to try. I’ve eaten at Bob McCarthy’s Stoneground Kitchen (249 E. 400 South, 801364-1368, StonegroundSLC.com) on a couple of occasions, and came away mighty impressed. I hadn’t visited since its complete overhaul and remodel, and the place is drop-dead gorgeous. (Gone is the pool table in the middle of the dining room.) The addition of Justin Shifflett—formerly of Metropolitan and other fine restaurants—as head chef is a good one. He’s a bundle of talent. Anyway, I’ll write a more thorough review of the “new” restaurant in an upcoming feature. For now, the focus is on their new brunch, which is served on Sundays, 11 a.m.-3 p.m. In warm weather, grab a seat on the sunny upstairs deck. The look is very contemporary—complete with a fire pit—but the vibe is laid-back and casual. And, while standard breakfast items such as eggs Benedict, applewood-smoked bacon and scones are available, the menu is skewed toward Italy. That means that if you’d prefer something other than breakfast foods, there are plenty of alternatives, such as a fresh and delicious caprese salad ($9), the savory turkey panini ($9.50), ricotta pancakes with maple mascarpone ($14) and veal, pork and beef Bolognese ($18) made with fresh creste pasta produced in-house. There’s also a nice selection of wines, beers and cocktails to accompany your Tuscan day in the sun. Moving south from Italy to Greece, Manoli’s (402 E. 900 South, 801-532-3760, ManolisOn9th.com) brunch features dishes with Greek flavors, in addition to classics like eggs Benedict ($13), biscuits and gravy ($13), quiche ($8), Welsh rarebit ($9) and the like. I loved my loukaniko and eggs

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FOOD MATTERS BY TED SCHEFFLER

Take A Bite

@critic1

Something Fishy

When I was asked to submit names of local chefs to participate in the Utah Competition portion of the Great American Seafood Cook-Off, I had no idea who would win and represent Utah in the annual New Orleans event for 2016—but I knew there was a gaggle of talented contestants. Among them were Matt Anderson (Kimi’s Chop & Oyster House), Matt Lake (Alamexo), Frederick Perez (Del Mar al Lago) and Lorin Smaha (Freshies Lobster Co.). Well, when the salt water settled, Logen Crew, executive chef at Current Fish & Oyster, was selected to compete at the finals in New Orleans on Aug. 6. He’ll be taking his sous chef Amanda McGraw along, and travel expenses will be covered by the Utah Restaurant Association. Crew won the local cook-off with Utah trout prepared four ways. The cook-off is hosted by the Louisiana Seafood Promotion and Marketing Board. Lieutenant governors are invited to choose a chef from their state, although no inland state has ever won the competition. The cook-off emphasizes the use of domestic, sustainable seafood, as well as local ingredients. Utah Lt. Gov. Spencer Cox was one of last year’s judges, and said about Crew in an email, “Our chefs are part of Utah’s attractiveness to businesses and tourists. Their creativity never fails to impress. Although we are a landlocked state, our chefs can readily get fresh fish and they excel in preparing exceptional seafood dishes. The dishes prepared this year were outstanding, and I am looking forward to seeing how Logen fares at the Great American Seafood Cook-Off.”

out of your Dining Budget Use discount code FOODIE40 for an additional 40% OFF on the following: GOOD THROUGH JULY 28TH.

Howl at the Moon

Snowbird Resort hosts a Full Moon Dinner at 11,000 Feet on Tuesday, July 19. It will be held at the new Summit restaurant on Hidden Peak, which boasts 360-degree views from its glass walls and windows. The dinner, which includes choices of starters, a carving station, entrées and desserts, is priced at $69 for adults, $39 for kids 7-12, and $19 for kids 6 and under, including a tram ride to and from the restaurant, plus live musical entertainment. Call 801-9332222 for details. Quote of the week: “Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.” —Oscar Wilde Food Matters 411: tscheffler@cityweekly.net

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Indian & Nepali Cuisine

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BEER, WINE & SPIRITS

No Ordinary Joe

Behold the pioneering wines of Joseph Phelps. BY TED SCHEFFLER comments@cityweekly.net @critic1

n the world of winemaking, it’s easy to get distracted by all the cool kids in town, so to speak. That is, we tend to take for granted some of those winemakers who paved the way for the newer kids, and who still produce world-class wines. We like things that are shiny and new. I was reminded of this fact recently when I opened a bottle of Joseph Phelps Vineyards Freestone Pinot Noir. It was outstanding. So, why had it been years since I’d last tasted a Joseph Phelps wine? After all, Phelps is considered by many to be one of the pioneers of the Napa Valley. After his death in 2015, the famous wine critic Robert Parker wrote, “Joseph Phelps was one of the great visionaries of Napa Valley. His

legacy is one of extraordinary quality. Joe Phelps was a leader, and one of the greats of the wine world.” When I mentioned enjoying the pinot noir to a wine aficionado friend of mine, he said, “I always think of Phelps as the one Napa winery that hasn’t sold its soul to the highest bidder; and it shows in the bottle.” Indeed, Joseph Phelps Vineyards is now run by his son, Bill Phelps, who is the spitting image of his late father. The winery’s story is an interesting one. As the head of one of the country’s largest construction companies—Colorado-based Hensel Phelps Construction—he had accumulated many top wines from around the world for his private cellar, and even took a shot at winemaking himself, buying California wine grapes that were shipped to Phelps in Denver where he made wine in his basement. He would find himself in California after his company won the bid to build the then Souverain Winery (now Rutherford Hill), near St. Helena in Napa Valley. Falling quickly in love with Napa, Phelps purchased a 600-acre former cattle ranch in 1973, and began constructing a winery and planting vineyards. By 1974, he had bottled the first-ever syrah produced in California. That year, Phelps also debuted his legendary Insignia, a proprietary blended red wine that has garnered,

patio is now

The more affordable Joseph Phelps Freestone Vineyards Pinot Noir 2013 ($42.99) that I tasted recently is classic Phelps. He was a lover of French Burgundy (he had a house there), and wanted to make a French-style California red Burgundy. So, he went in search of cooler climate sites for vineyards in Sonoma and eventually planted 80 acres of pinot noir there, in what is now called Freestone Vineyards. The Freestone Pinot Noir 2013 needs some additional time aging in the bottle, as it’s a tad tight right now. But even so, it’s a beautifully textured wine with gorgeous cranberry, currant and raspberry notes, ending in a well-balanced, sweet vanilla finish. Other Joseph Phelps wines that are widely available to enjoy (and I heartily recommend) are Joseph Phelps Sauvignon Blanc ($30.99), Joseph Phelps Freestone Vineyards Chardonnay ($42.99) and Joseph Phelps Cabernet Sauvignon ($71). CW

among many other awards and acclaim, three perfect 100-point scores from Robert Parker’s The Wine Advocate for the 1991, 1997 and 2002 vintages. The 2002 vintage of Insignia was also awarded “Wine of the Year” by Wine Spectator magazine in 2005. I’ve enjoyed sipping Joseph Phelps Vineyards Insignia, but not too often—since it sells for around $225 per bottle. Insignia 2012 is threequarters cabernet sauvignon, 10 percent petit verdot, 10 percent merlot, 3 percent malbec and 2 percent cabernet franc, all from estate-grown Napa Valley vineyards. Star anise and blackberry aromas are prominent, along with tobacco, and on the palate the texture is silky with supple tannins—a luscious, plummy mouthful of full-bodied greatness. Start saving for a bottle now.

Delicious Food, Great Atmosphere!

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13 NEIGHBORHOOD LOCATIONS |

FA C E B O O K . C O M / A P O L L O B U R G E R

JOHN TAYLOR

REVIEW BITES A sampler of Ted Scheffler’s reviews

Pleiku’s snowball shrimp Pleiku

The creators of Pipa Asian Tapas & Sake Bar have resurfaced downtown with Pleiku, named after a city in central Vietnam. The ambiance and décor is ultra-modern and chic, mostly in white and cream tones. While you peruse the eclectic Asian menu—with Vietnamese, Thai, Mongolian and Chinese dishes—you might want to enjoy one of many unusual libations, like the Hello Kitty (blood orange juice, passion fruit, lime and sake). The prices are surprisingly moderate, and you get a lot of food for your dollar; even the tapas menu features portions large enough to share. For those who enjoy pho, there are brisket, rare beef, beef balls, vegan and seafood versions. The tasty Shaken Steak Cubes tapa made the trip from Pipa to Pleiku: marinated and grilled crispy boneless sirloin beef served with veggie accompaniments like cucumber, greens, onions and cilantro. Bánh mì offerings include a “classic” with Vietnamese deli meats, one with caramelized pork, another featuring chicken teriyaki, and lemongrass tofu. It’s not the best around, but it’s still quite adequate if you have a bánh mì craving, especially for the price. Reviewed May 12. 264 S. Main, 801-359-4544, Facebook.com/Pleiku

Eat Right, Live Right, Fresh & Healthy! In The Heart Of Sugar House

catering • delivery• dine-in 2121 s. McClelland Street (850 east) 801.467.2130 I couscousgrillexpress.com

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-Cincinnati Enquirer

4160 EMIGRATION CANYON ROAD | 801 582-5807 WWW.RUTHSDINER.COM

JULY 14, 2016 | 33

AS SEEN ON “ DINERS, DRIVE-INS AND DIVES”

“Like having dinner at Mom’s in the mountains”

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“In a perfect world, every town would have a diner just like Ruth’s”

-CREEKSIDE PATIO-86 YEARS AND GOING STRONG-BREAKFAST SERVED DAILY UNTIL 4PM-DELICIOUS MIMOSAS & BLOODY MARY’S-LIVE MUSIC SAT & SUN 11AM-2PM-

Serving American Comfort Food Since 1930

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GOODEATS Complete listings at CityWeekly.net

Our Philosophy has always been to take the finest ingredients and do as little to them as possible. Classic Italian techniques used to make artisan pasta, homemade cheeses and hand tossed Pizza.

Featuring dining destinations from buffets and rooms with a view to mom-and-pop joints, chic cuisine and some of our dining critic’s faves.

16 WINNER

the ATHENIAN BURGER

OPEN MIC EVERY WEDNESDAY 6:30 TO 9:00PM

COMEDY OPEN MIC EVERY OTHER FRIDAY 7:45 TO 9:00PM MON-SAT 7AM TO 9PM SUNDAY 9:30AM TO 4PM

1560 E 3300 S • 801.410.4696 DITTACAFFE.COM

Copper Creek Pub & Grub

249 East 400 South, SLC • (801) 364-1368 stonegroundslc.com

13 NEIGHBORHOOD LOCATIONS |

COFFEE SHOP π BAKERY π DELI SERVING BREAKFAST ALL DAY

FA C E B O O K . C O M / A P O L L O B U R G E R

SelicIatSessTen &GReU T A D stauran t erman D

Catering available 20 W. 200 S. • (801) 355-3891 Open Mon-Wed: 9am-6pm Thu-Sat: 9am-9pm

This all-ages eatery serves a perfect Monte Cristo: ham, turkey and cheese on wheat bread, battered and golden fried, dusted with sugar and served with raspberry jam on the side. Plus, there are five bigscreen TVs for watching your favorite sports. Other popular food items include the Chubby burger and the hickory-spiced char-crusted Angus shoulder steak. Fish lovers will enjoy the tortilla-crusted tilapia and the beer-battered fish and chips. Wash it all down with a cold beer on tap or in the bottle. 3451 S. 5600 West, West Valley City, 801-417-0051, CopperCreekPub.com

@CityWeekly Utah’s Finest

From Scratch

SUSHI

Sage’s Cafe

SAKE TASTING • SUSHI CLASSES

Tonyburgers

ER BE

From Scratch offers authentic Italian cuisine in a modern downtown atmosphere. All of the restaurant’s pies and pastas are made—you guessed it—from scratch. Start your meal off with the braised short rib, which comes with horseradish and a honey au jus. As for pizza, try the fennel sausage, with green and red onions, or go with the Whiteout, which has three different cheeses and roasted garlic. If you’re not in the mood for pizza, the tasty signature burger is topped with shoestring onions and melted smoked cheddar cheese. Wash it all down with an Italian soda. 62 E. Gallivan Ave., Salt Lake City, 801-538-9000, PizzaFromScratch.com Located since late 2013 in the iconic former Jade Cafe building, Sage’s specialty is vegetarian, organic cuisine. And with the new location came The Jade Room, a cozy back room that offers a full bar, craft cocktails, wine, local brews, seasonal small plates and a stylish mid-century atmosphere. The restaurant is open for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day, with late-night weekend dining and an extended brunch menu on Saturday and Sunday. 234 W. 900 South, Salt Lake City, 801-322-3790, SagesCafe.com The secret to Tonyburgers’ juicy, flavorful burgers is the beef: a top-secret “tri-beef” blend of different cuts. You can fully customize your burger, from the basics (four kinds of cheese, bacon) to the decadent (fried egg), plus all the vegetables you want at no extra cost, so you can complement that juicy beef with all the grilled or raw onions and jalapeños you can stand. There are also a handful of salads available, and pretty good ones at that for a fast-food joint. Both salads and burgers pair well with the restaurant’s shakes and crispy shoestring fries. Multiple Locations, Tonyburgers.com

2335 E. MURRAY HOLLADAY RD 801.278.8682 • ricebasil.com

PIZZA & GOOD TIME S!

2991 E. 3300 S. 801.528.0181

CINEMA CLIPS

MOVIE TIMES AND LOCATIONS AT CITYWEEKLY.NET

NEW THIS WEEK Information is correct at press time. Film release schedules are subject to change. GHOSTBUSTERS [not yet reviewed] Did you hear that they’re all women? Busting ghosts? What a world! Opens July 15 at theaters valleywide. (PG-13)

ZERO DAYS BBB Alex Gibney has become our most dogged, prolific cinematic journalist—and one of the few things getting in his way is how much he wants his audience to realize it. His latest documentary explores the story of the STUXnet worm, a malicious computer virus that—although nobody will admit it on the record—was clearly created in a joint U.S./Israeli operation intended to bring down Iran’s nuclear enrichment capability. Along the way, he touches on fascinating, potentially alarming topics: computer security engineers piecing together the origins of STUXnet; the history of Iran’s nuclear program; the secretive nature of the American attempts to develop offensive cyber-warfare capabilities. It’s mostly great material, building to the potential threat to our own security of this kind of unchecked virtual warfare, and Gibney has a facility for making his civics lessons visually interesting. The only down-sides come when he over-emphasizes his own voice—”I was starting to get pissed off,” he sternly comments about people refusing to comment—or over-dramatizes

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THE INFILTRATOR BBB Bryan Cranston is winning America’s hearts and minds one drug at a time—first as a self-made meth kingpin in Breaking Bad, now as a U.S. Customs agent going after a Colombian cocaine cartel this sturdy crime drama, based on Robert Mazur’s Miami Vice-era memoir. Cranston plays Mazur, a veteran undercover agent who poses as a Mafia-connected accountant named Bob Musella to launder money for—and thus learn the inner workings of—Pablo Escobar’s coke empire. Focused and careful, Mazur encounters colorful, unpredictable people on both sides of the law—his partner (John Leguizamo) is a wild card; one of Escobar’s men (Yul Vazquez) is a lecherous Mexican dandy—and it’s satisfying (and suspenseful) to see him roll with it , improvising like a regular Walter White to maintain his cover. The story requires a lot of

TICKLED BBBB New Zealand journalist David Farrier thought he was just going to find a subject for his lighthearted, pop-culture-focused features when he started investigating videos he found online for “Competitive Endurance Tickling.” Instead, he found the subject for a documentary that just gets weirder, funnier, more fascinating and more layered as it goes. Farrier (who co-directed with Dylan Reeve) begins trying to understand why the media company that promoted these tickling videos responded to him with insults, harassment and legal threats, and in so doing uncovers a story that could go back 20 years. And while on some level this is an inspiring story about a reporter doing the hard, potentially dangerous work of exposing a criminal, it also digs into hidden fetish subcultures, and how it might twist people that those subcultures need to remain hidden—and does all of this while remaining thoroughly entertaining. Even as Farrier begins moving toward the possibility of exposing this story’s mysterious and elusive “villain,” Tickled also forces viewers to confront the sad, human face of what it looks like when shame turns toxic. Opens July 15 at Broadway Centre Cinemas. (R)—SR

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GURUKULAM BB.5 Jillian Elizabeth and Neil Dalal train their cameras on the Arsha Vidya Gurukulam—an ashram in the forest of Tamil Nadu, India—and its students learning from Swami Dayananda Saraswati. Like Frederick Wiseman’s landmark institutional studies, this one works best when it captures the scope of activities surrounding this one place—not just spiritual practices, but the nuts and bolts of providing food, doing the laundry, even keeping ants out of the building (but humanely). And it’s effective, in its brief visits to the outside world, of showing the modern cacophony from which the ashram is an escape, although a ringing cell phone might still distract someone from prayer. What’s missing is the ability to create vibrant characters without having to stop for direct-to-camera interviews (as occasionally happens here), and the reality that Saraswati himself—while his lessons often contain amusing parables—remains distant and enigmatic. With its frequent pauses to listen to the swami’s teachings, Gurukulam sometimes feels more like an attempt to convert than an attempt to convey, a meditative profile that needed its meditation to be a bit more guided. Opens July 15 at Broadway Center Cinemas. (NR)—Scott Renshaw

characters, with a main supporting cast that includes Benjamin Bratt, Amy Ryan, Diane Kruger and Juliet Aubrey, and it almost can’t help getting bogged down in the details. But director Brad Furman (The Lincoln Lawyer) is smart to focus on Cranston as Mazur, whose skill and decency keep us invested. Opens July 13 at theaters valleywide. (R)—Eric D. Snider

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36 | JULY 14, 2016

CINEMA CLIPS

MOVIE TIMES AND LOCATIONS AT CITYWEEKLY.NET

by juxtaposing a burst balloon with an atomic mushroom cloud. A serious movie about a serious subject doesn’t demand repeated reminders that THIS IS SERIOUS. Opens July 15 at Broadway Centre Cinemas. (PG-13)—SR

SPECIAL SCREENINGS CLERKS At Tower Theater, July 15-16, 11 p.m. & July 17, noon (R) DAMN! THESE HEELS FILM FESTIVAL See p. 20. At Rose Wagner Center, July 15-17. (NR) STEP BROTHERS/SUPERBAD At Brewvies, July 14, 7 p.m. (R) THIS IS SPINAL TAP At Brewvies, July 18, 10 p.m. (R) THE WAY, WAY BACK At Park City City Park, July 15, dusk. (PG-13)

CURRENT RELEASES MIKE AND DAVE NEED WEDDING DATES BB.5 Contemporary R-rated comedies need to get over posing at being on the razor’s edge of multiplex-approved naughtiness. This one

is based on the real-life CraigsList ad by Mike (Adam Devine) and Dave Stangle (Zac Efron), whose call for companions to their sister’s Hawaiian wedding draws party-girl besties Alice (Anna Kendrick) and Tatiana (Aubrey Plaza). The premise—four people all needing to suppress their immature volatility—is terrific, and there are some very funny sequences. But while the story is supposed to be equally about all of them, the women are far funnier and more interesting than the men. The bigger issue, though, is this is yet another R-rated comedy too concerned with pushing the envelope. Somewhere in the vast territory between PG-13 and NC-17, there’s a place where comedy can be for adults without seeming quite so childish about it. (R)—SR

THE SECRET LIFE OF PETS BB.5 Early teasers suggested Toy Story, but with animals; as it turns out, it’s actually all the Toy Story movies, but with animals. In a New York apartment, lovable mutt Max (Louis C.K.) finds his special relationship with his owner threatened by the arrival of another dog, Duke (Eric Stonestreet). And before you can sing “You’ve Got a Man’s Best Friend in Me,” the pooches are loose in the city, forced to work together to return home. Their pet friends also head out to rescue Max and Duke, and a montage flashback finds Duke wistfully remembering a previous owner. The Despicable Me creative team keeps the action moving, with amusing jokes built around the domesticated critters’ whennobody’s-watching behavior. The emotional center, however, is so entirely secondhand that there’s no reason to care—except to wonder if Pixar is readying a lawsuit. (PG)—SR

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8 | JULY 14, 2016

TRUE BY B I L L F RO S T @bill_frost

Paramount Positive Pfft

School’s In

Vice Principals takes Eastbound & Down to class; BrainDead isn’t dead yet. Vice Principals Sunday, July 17 (HBO)

Series Debut: While I still contend that Eastbound & Down was one of the greatest TV comedies ever, I’ll also admit that it was long out of material by its fourth and final season, and that Danny McBride probably shouldn’t carry a series on his own—and, most importantly, that water jetpacks are cool AF. HBO’s new Vice Principals, which reteams McBride and writer/producer Jody Hill, solves one problem right away by giving McBride’s Kenny-Powersminus-mullet “new” character a foil in Walton Goggins (Justified). The pair play high school vice principals vying to replace the retiring principal (Bill Murray!)—until the school district hires an outsider (Kimberly Hebert Gregory), prompting them to take a break from pissing on each other in staggeringly escalating volleys of vulgarity, and team up to bring her down. Vice Principals is E&D 2.0; it’s as familiar as it is funny (Kenny Powers haters, however, should stay far away), with the added bonus of Goggins in full-on comedic weirdo mode. No water jetpacks, but still worth checking out.

Ballers Sunday, July 17 (HBO)

Season Premiere: This is back, huh? HBO canceled the Tim Robbins/Jack Black political comedy The Brink, but kept Dwayne Johnson’s Ballers … what-ever. I get that people like the sportsball and all, but Johnson still isn’t completely convincing in an “underdog” role, here as a Miami pro-footballer-turned-sports-finance-manager leading the hard-knock life of making millions babysitting millionaires surrounded by hot models and hotter cars. Fortunately, the comic broship between Johnson and Rob Corddry saves Ballers from slipping entirely into the Entourage douche-abyss, but I’m still waiting for a little more … something … to justify Season 2.

BrainDead Mondays (CBS)

New Series: Apparently, tagging BrainDead as “From the creators of The Good Wife” and placing insanely appealing star Mary Elizabeth Winstead upfront hasn’t been enough to get CBS viewers to buy into a political sci-fi thriller/comedy about brain-munching space bugs (I know, right?). Too bad, because what initially looked to be nothing more than summer filler designed to at least pull the same numbers as NCIS Los Angeles reruns (it hasn’t—not even close) is a smart, funny and subtly scathing commentary on Beltway bullshit … oh, that’s why it’s not working on CBS. BrainDead would have been better off on CBS cable cousin Showtime, and we’d all be better off if it followed Ray Donovan on Sundays instead of Roadies, peppering in some Veep-level F-bombing and more-graphic gore (though the brain-splattery is pretty impressive for a network series). I would recommend just waiting to binge BrainDead when it eventually winds up on CBS’ pay-streamer All Access … but nobody’s going to buy into that, either.

2016 Republican Convention July 18-21 (Most Channels)

Convention Coverage: Spinal Tap, Drew Carey … Donald Trump. The Holy Trinity of Cleveland comedy is now complete, thanks to what’s sure to be the most hilarious political debacle since Hunter S. Thompson hit Washington D.C. in 1971 (Wiki it, kids). The 2016 Republican National Convention, being covered live from Cleveland by most broadcast and cable outlets—curiously, not Cartoon Network—will likely be the

Vice Principals (HBO)

zenith of Trump’s Idiocracy rise, the moment that true believers and detractors alike finally come to the stark realization, “This is really happening … Fuuu …” Not that the Democratic National Convention later this month is going to offer much more hope for the nation (in my defense, all the times I’ve said “Hillary Clinton will never be president,” those statements were made back in reality), but this particular RNC is going to be special. Or apocalyptic. But definitely entertaining.

Shooter Tuesday, July 26 (USA)

Series Debut: For every great call USA makes (Mr. Robot, Colony, Queen of the South), there’s a couple of “WTF?!” moments (the recent renewal of Chrisley Knows Best; moving WWE Smackdown to Tuesdays; the continued existence of Suits). Not sure where Shooter, based on the 2007 Mark Wahlberg flick, falls: It looks like an intriguing drama (ex-Marine sniper comes out of retirement to stop a presidential assassination, only to be framed for said assassination), but with caveats (the aggressively meh Ryan Phillippe stars as “Bob Lee Swagger”—lamest porn name ever). Also, how did the producers not use the only non-loathsome song Robin Thicke ever recorded, “Oh, Shooter,” as the series’ theme? Missed opportunities, people.

Listen to Frost Mondays at 8 a.m. on X96 Radio From Hell, and on the TV Tan podcast via Stitcher, iTunes, Google Play and BillFrost.tv.

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music.” Many of the songs on their album grew from the years since then. The record is a dynamic mix of originals and covers that come with the lived-in harmonies of a couple that knows each other well. The no-frills arrangements keep the couple’s voices front-and-center, and the songs serve well the simple, timeless purposes of folk music: giving a voice to heartache (“Another One More Time,” “Did You Love Me at All”) and having a good time (“Bad Luck Charm,” “Everybody Loves You”). For Williams, who grew up in rural Tennessee, the music of her home was with her for as long as she can remember. Campbell, who was born and raised in New York City, didn’t really start to understand country music until he spent some time living in Jackson, Miss. “My obsession with this music mandated that I needed to really try to understand the culture down here,” Campbell says. So did his obsession with Williams. “I would never have considered marrying Larry if he hadn’t had those couple years in Mississippi,” Williams says. “He wouldn’t have understood what he was getting into.” Music helped them bridge that cultural divide, and it would help them around many other obstacles over almost 30 years together. Williams said in the early days of their union, she had to get used to her husband being away on tour for so long. But now that they’re musical partners, being together on tour and on stage has its own challenges. “We’re together constantly now,” Williams says. “It was like a total flip.” Campbell agrees that it takes some getting used to, but, ever the collaborator, he still sees a lot of work left to be done with Williams, the person he describes as the most satisfying musical partner he’s worked with yet. “[Making more music with her is] a goal of mine that has yet to be tapped,” he says. CW

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n the documentary Ain’t in It for My Health, which chronicled a snippet of Levon Helm’s final years, Helm’s friend and musical collaborator Larry Campbell plays a quiet but vital supporting role. In one of the film’s most revealing sequences, Campbell and Helm, the former drummer and vocalist for The Band, slowly take some half-written lyrics from Hank Williams and cultivate them into a real, fleshed-out song the country legend would have been proud of. It didn’t come easy. In one of Campbell and Helm’s first cracks at the song, Helm is distracted with health and financial worries and barely registers any interest in contributing. Campbell keeps prodding along, though, until toward the end of the film, Helm triumphantly records “You’ll Never Again Be Mine.” The song sounds like a long-lost classic, a testament to the deep reservoir of talent Helm still possessed even toward the end of his life. But it was Campbell, seen throughout quietly nudging Helm to write and record, who helped to coax it all out of him. Helm brought Campbell and his wife Teresa Williams to help start his Midnight Ramble concerts, a series of shows performed at Helm’s rural property in Woodstock, N.Y. But Campbell and Teresa were more than just backup musicians. They were true pros who had a hand in revitalizing the ailing Helm’s career, helping him earn three Grammys for his solo work before he died in 2012. “I quickly realized that I really enjoyed those moments where Teresa and I could sing together in the safety of the Levon Helm Band,” Campbell tells City Weekly in a phone interview. “It was a real comfort zone where we could try these things.” For Campbell, that comfort zone existed in the background— touring with Dylan, producing, writing, but always happy to yield the attention to someone else. After years of encouragement by friends and fans, Campbell and Williams left that comfort zone and stepped into the spotlight with their 2015 self-titled debut album. While both music industry veterans in their own right, the couple admits they’re still getting accustomed to performing on their own. “I never considered myself a frontperson in any way—or much of a singer for that matter,” Campbell says. Williams, who spent more time than her husband fronting bands, never saw it that way. “When I first met him, I was confused that he didn’t step forward,” she says. “He has a lot of stage presence—he just does. And I loved the way he sang. It confused me back then, and I would push him to sing more.” Although they didn’t start performing for larger audiences until recently, the couple has been performing together informally for years. In fact, before our interview, they had just finished performing for family and friends at Williams’ family property for the annual Fourth of July celebration. The first time Campbell joined the Williams family for the celebration was 1987, the year before they got married. “That may have been the first time Teresa and I performed in public [together],” he says. “The genesis of that was sitting under that tree [on the Williams’ property] and just casually singing together and making

WEDNESDAY/SUNDAY

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CAMPBELL AND WILLIAMS

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After 17 years, beloved local hardcore band Iceburn pulls a phoenix trick. BY BRIAN STAKER comments@cityweekly.net @stakerized

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he esteemed ’90s-era local hardcore quartet Iceburn was about mythic, elemental forces: fire and ice. They traversed those extremes over a decade, forging connections to numerous other local and national bands in a variety of genres, and the band is reuniting—with plans to issue its first new album in almost 17 years. Speaking with City Weekly at the downtown dive Duffy’s Tavern, singer/guitarist Gentry Densley reflects on Iceburn’s career, beginning with its genesis in 1991, when Densley was studying music composition at the University of Utah. He had played in bands in high school with drummer Joseph “Chubba” Smith, and combined with Cache Tolman on bass and guitarist James Holder to form what Densley jokes was a “supergroup” of local musicians. Steeped in music theory in his college studies, at first Densley wrote out sheet music for his dense yet sprawling compositions, fusing elements of hardcore, metal, experimental, classical and jazz. The band’s influences are as wide-ranging as the Melvins, Helmet, Rage Against the Machine, the free jazz of Ornette Coleman and Miles Davis’ Kind of Blue, alchemized in “a hardcore-metal, jazzy way,” as Densley puts it. The band’s name was inspired in part by the extremes of local weather, as well as the extremes of their sound, from visceral, grinding guitar noise to cerebral sax solos. “It’s kind of our environment, our bipolar life,” he says. Iceburn’s friends, local hardcore band Insight, were signed to Chicago-based Victory Records, which led to the label putting out Iceburn’s first release, Firon (1992). (Insight’s bassist Jeremy Chatelain would eventually join Iceburn on guitar for several years, and go on to co-found the revered indie-rock band Jets to Brazil, play bass in Helmet and, later, front the alt-country band Cub Country.) Similar attention led to a deal with another notable hardcore punk label, Revelation Records, to put out their next five albums, including what is perhaps Iceburn’s most ambitious work, a kind of musical palindrome called Meditavolutions (1996). By that time, the band had evolved

Iceburn

into the Iceburn Collective, staffed by Densley and “whoever I could get to play with.” Two of those five albums (1997’s Polar Bear Suite and 1998’s Power of the Lion), came out as joint ventures between Revelation and the band’s own Iceburn Records. They all evinced Iceburn’s evolution from written music to almost total improvisation in the free-jazz style. After 2000’s Land of Wind and Ghosts (released on the New York experimental nonprofit label Mountain Collective), Iceburn seemed to melt away, reappearing rarely. Over that time, Iceburn’s members have busied themselves with other projects. Most notably, Tolman played with hardcore punk legend Walter Schreifels in the hardcore punk bands CIV and Rival Schools, and later with Bush’s Gavin Rossdale in the alt-rock band Institute. Densley formed polyrhythmic punk band Smashy Smashy, and played guitar and sang with mathprog-noise outfit Form of Rocket, leading to he and FoR drummer Tyler Smith forming jazz- and prog-influenced doom/sludge band Eagle Twin. The duo has released two albums on the Southern Lord label and toured extensively. Southern Lord also took an interest in Iceburn, reissuing Power of the Lion in 2009—the same year as Eagle Twin’s debut The Unkindness of Crows. Iceburn seems fulfilling for them in a different way than their other projects. Densley says, “It’s like who you are, at the core.” This reunion was fertile for writing, and practices spawned new songs. Pondering their second reunion—the first was for SLUG Magazine’s 18th anniversary in 2007—Densley feels that Iceburn has come full-circle to the explosive sound of Hephaestus and Poetry of Fire (Revelation, 1993 and 1994). The title of the upcoming album, due in 2017, is The Heart of the Mountain is a Fiery Phoenix. It’s fitting enough, since Iceburn playing again is like a longdormant volcano about to erupt. “The new stuff feels like it fits [with the early material], without feeling forced,” Densley notes. “It feels like we’re naturally back to that same place, somehow.” CW

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THURSDAY 7.14 Toad the Wet Sprocket

Last summer, I came out as a Toad the Wet Sprocket fan. Not that it was a secret; I’ve written about them for a few different publications, including this one. But even if it wasn’t a revelation, it was oddly empowering—especially since at least two of my editors have told me that the Santa Barbara foursome behind hits like “All I Want” and “Walk on the Ocean” give them explosive diarrhea. And friends of mine have variously opined on the whininess of Glen Phillips’ vocals, or the band’s general dorkiness. Well, they’re all correct: Toad the Wet Sprocket are geeks (they’re named for a fake band from a Monty Python skit), one of whom can sound a bit whiny—but only when he sings with his head voice. Plus Phillips and co-frontguy/songwriter Todd Nichols craft songs that are whip-smart, wry, introspective, thought-provoking, intimate and catchy. That includes the material on New Constellation (Abe’s, 2013), their first new album in 16 years. If you’re not a fan, give them a shot. If, for whatever reason, you still can’t stomach them … that’s cool. There’s an army of dorks out there who can. (RH) Sandy Amphitheater, 1245 E. 9400 South, 8 p.m., $15-$25, SandyArts.com

Reed—put on a show full of brilliant songs and musicianship, as well as Lovett’s stories, told in his signature low, measured voice. Curiously, little information as to the current makeup of the Large Band is online. But know, at least, that Lovett’s Large Band is like Prince’s Revolution, or New Power Generation—it’s a no-poser zone. Joining him is co-headliner Emmylou Harris who, even at 69, still possesses a bewitching, mellifluous voice that brings her songs— and those of legendary singer-songwriters like John Hiatt, Steve Earle, Neil Young, Gram Parsons or Gillian Welch—to vivid, full-color life. Making tonight even more special is the fact that, although Lovett and Harris are touring all summer, they’re only doing nine of these co-bills. (RH) Snow Park Outdoor Amphitheater, 2250 Deer Valley Drive South, Park City, 6:30 p.m., $45, DeerValley.com

SATURDAY 7.16

Lyle Lovett and His Large Band, Emmylou Harris

For fans of music, not just country music, this is the pairing of your dreams. Lyle Lovett and His Large Band—which has, in the past and present, boasted such talent as mandolin hero Sam Bush, guitar god Jerry Douglas and singers “Sweet Pea” Atkinson, Sir Harry Bowens (both of Was Not Was) and Francine

Buckethead

JHAYNE

42 | JULY 14, 2016

ROB SHANAHAN

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BY RANDY HARWARD

Buckethead

When he emerged from where-fuckin’ever in 1988, Buckethead—at face value— seemed like a joke. Was this masked man with a KFC bucket on his head a PETA creation meant to juxtapose the horror of Halloween slasher Michael Myers with the slaughter of so many clucking, strutting birds? Another in a long line of musicians hoping a gimmick will maximize their career mileage? Both? As soon as he started playing, however, the jokes stopped. Or, at least, they dropped off dramatically when this mysterious mofo turned out to be, you know, ridiculously gifted. Which made him extra-crispy weird … but also extra cool. What kind of person demands anonymity after spending so much time mastering his craft? Who doesn’t want acknowledgement for their work, not to mention the attendant celebrity spoils? Well, after nearly 300 releases under his own name—and dozens more with his 22 side projects like, I dunno, Guns ‘N Roses, Praxis and Colonel Claypool’s Bucket O’ Bernie Brains—it’s safe to say that Buckethead’s content to let his truly original ambient-prog-shred music do the talking. (RH) The Depot, 400 W. South Temple, 8 p.m., $25 in advance, $30 day of show, DepotSLC.com

Toad the Wet Sprocket Kimock

From the Criminally Underrated Files: Guitar virtuoso Steve Kimock is another in a long line of great musicians lingering on the periphery of the Grateful Dead, having played in several offshoots with Dead members (The Other Ones, Phil Lesh and Friends). He also performed with Jerry Joseph—who himself hasn’t seen success commensurate with his talent—in Little Women during the late ‘80s. On his own, Kimock has been part of many bands, including Zero, The Psychedelic Guitar Circus, The Goodman Brothers and several sorta-solo deals like Steve Kimock & Friends, the Steve Kimock Band and Steve Kimock Crazy Engine. For his most recent release, Last Danger of Frost (self-released), he’s pared it down to just Kimock. Once you hear him play—anything from the understated acoustic and ambient instrumentals on Frost to the sitar (on-lap slide guitar) ragas, to epic jams with late P-Funk keyboard captain Bernie Worrell—you’ll see why “Kimock” is as good as “Hendrix” or “Kottke.” (RH) The State Room, 638 S. State, 9 p.m., $28, TheStateRoomSLC.com

Kimock

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wednesday 7/13

LIVE Music thursday, july 14

bingo & ultimate KARAOKE thousands of songs to choose from

BILL & DIANE

friday, july 15

Thursday 7/14

burger & Fries, amfs & long island iced teas

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Roots man summer tour

saturday, july 16

arise roots | iya terra ital vibes

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Weeknights

monday

Friday 7/15

OUR FAMOUS OPEN BLUES JAM WITH WEST TEMPLE TAILDRAGGERS

liquid mary janes, amfs & long island iced teas

BLACK SHEEP Bar & Grill

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1/2 off nachos & Free pool

SATURDAY, JULY 30

1520 W. 9000 S. WEST JORDAN 801.566.2561 | THEBLACKSHEEPBARANDGRILL.COM

Live Music opal hill drive

LOCAL NIGHTS OUT

saturday 7/16

wednesday

Live Music

THE TRIVIA FACTORY 7PM

Every sunday ADULT TRIVIA 7PM

Great food $

MONDAY - FRIDAY

10 brunch buffet

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12 sunday funday brunch $3 BLOODY MARYS & $3 MIMOSAS FROM 10AM-2PM

Tuesday 7/19

open mic night

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7/23

pioneer daze! one drop

w/ special guests - ease up i audio empire 7/29

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JULY 14, 2016 | 43

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Holy Grail, Exmortus, Spellcaster

This is for sure the second, if not the third, time in a year that Pasadena heavy metal standard-bearer band Holy Grail has visited our fair city. God—er, Odin—bless ‘em. Their first two albums stand tall among some of the greats from metal’s greatest decade, the ‘80s. Now, we’re not talking about the hair bands—more like the real metal, the mighty, epic work of leather-clad Maidens, Priests and Dios. This is the heavy metal that makes you want to slay the air with your index and pinky fingers and attempt to sing along with James Paul Luna’s matchless clarion rasp, and probably sprain a digit trying to keep up with the shredding of guitarists Alex Lee and Eli Santana. With their third album, Times of Pride and Peril (Prosthetic, 2016), Holy Grail continues to wage war on false metal—while updating the sound just enough to be relevant to the times. With likeminded label mates Exmortus and Spellcaster also bringing their battle-ready shred metal, expect to leave the Metro with a face resembling pulled pork. (RH) Metro Bar, 615 W. 100 South, 7 p.m., $12 in advance, $15 day of show, JRCSLC.com

LIVE

AMBERLIE BANKOFF

TUESDAY 7.19

Holy Grail

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NO R VE CO ER! EV

CONCERTS & CLUBS In an effort to be the best for brunch in SLC, Rye has decided to focus on the AM hours. Going forward Rye will be open: Monday-Friday from 9am-2pm Saturday and Sunday from 9am-3pm. What this means for you: even more house-made breakfast and brunch specials, snappier service-same fresh, locally-sourced fixins. Come on in. www.ryeslc.com

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SKATING POLLY THE FUTURE OF THE GHOST

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THURSDAY 7.14 LIVE MUSIC

Alan Michael (Garage on Beck) Arise Roots + Iya Terra + Ital Vibes (The Royal) Dinosaur Kisses + Vessels + Sepia Ria (Muse Music Cafe) Fulanito (California Night Club) Howard Jones (The Complex) JJ Grey & Mofro + Josh Ritter + honeyhoney (Red Butte Amphitheater) Larry Campbell & Teresa Williams (The State Room) see p. 39 Lyle Lovett and His Large Band + Emmylou Harris (Deer Valley Resort) see p. 42 Marcus Bently (The Hog Wallow) Omarion (The Huka Bar) The Peach Kings + Mobley (Liquid Joe’s) Rusted Root (O.P. Rockwell) Satanarchist (Metro Bar) Show Me Island + Be Like Max + The Holophonics + Noise Complaint (Kilby Court) Therapy Thursdays feat. Kyau + Albert (Sky Lounge) Toad the Wet Sprocket (Sandy Amphitheatre) see p. 42 Will Baxter (Twist) Zombiecock + Goat Sifter + Yeti Warlord (Urban Lounge)

FRIDAY 7.15 LIVE MUSIC

Alexander Jean (Billboard-Live!) Artifacts + EDO. G + D-Strong + Calhoon Popadopolis + The Outsiders + DJ Handsome Hands (Club X) Cha Wa (O.P. Rockwell) Fat Paw (The Hog Wallow) Jewels of the Nile (The State Room) Lucid 8 + The Howl + Cold Year + Shasta and the Second Strings (Liquid Joe’s) Max Pain & The Groovies + Hot Vodka + The Nods (Urban Lounge) Mitski + Japanese Breakfast + Jay Som (Kilby Court) Oliva Holt + Ryland (The Depot) Perspective, a lovely hand to hold + Doris Day + Sleep Dealer + Second Anchor Line (Muse Music Cafe) Red Dog Revival (The Cabin) El Rey Vico + Karicia (The Core) Strutter: A Kiss Tribute (SKY) Utah Symphony presents: Under the Streetlamp (Deer Valley Resort) VanLadyLove + Festive People (The Complex) Where The Desert Meets The Sea—A Tribute to The Beach Boys and The Eagles (Zermatt Resort)

LIVE MUSIC

Buckethead (The Depot) see p. 42 Crooked Feathers + Static Nostalgia + We Include Pluto (Muse Music Cafe) DJ Sneeky Long (Twist) Harry Lee + The Back Alley (Garage on Beck) Holy Water Buffalo (The Cabin) Iceburn + Suspension of Disbelief + The Ditch & The Delta (Urban Lounge) see p. 40 Joe Maz (Sky) Kimock (The State Room) see p. 42 Larry Campbell and Teresa Williams (The State Room) The Luniz + Namkrow + Cap-One (Club Elevate) Margaret Glaspy + Anthony Pena (Kilby Court) ThePianoGuys (Usana Amphitheatre) Spawnbreezie + House of Shem +

Sugarhouse + DJ Specialist (Club X) The Spazmatics (Liquid Joe’s) Twenty One Pilots + Mutemath + Chef’Special (Vivint Smart Home Arena) Utah Symphony presents: Matthew Morrison (Deer Valley Resort) Vitamin P Tour feat. Paige Raymond + Keak DA Sneak + Coolio Da’unda’dogg + Sucka Ducka Mobb (Infinity Event Center)

SUNDAY 7.17 LIVE MUSIC

Better Off with the Blues (Garage on Beck) Dark Sermon + Exalt + DiseNgaged + Stasis + Silence Protocol (The Loading Dock) Lindquist Pops Concert & Fireworks (Weber State University) Lonesome Shack (The Hog Wallow) Seven + Hotel Garuda + Morgan Hays (Sky Lounge)

Boz Scaggs was once just a funny name I saw—and dismissed as dad music—when perusing the Columbia House record club catalogs. Little did I know that I already liked his bouncy and kinda badass anthem “Lido Shuffle” and even the disco number “Lowdown.” Also, I hated the sappy ‘80s cheesefest “Heart of Mine,” where Boz does his best James Ingram/Michael McDonald impression. When I finally tied a name to all those the tunes—discovering even more hits, and learned he played guitar and sang lead vocals on the Steve Miller Band’s first two albums—it was a real “I’ll be damned” moment. Oh, look—McDonald is opening some shows on Boz’s summer tour. But not this one. Damn it. (Randy Harward) Red Butte Garden, 300 Wakara Way, 7 p.m., $45-$50, RedButteGarden.org

AT THE HOG WALLOW

Boz Scaggs

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GO HOG WILD

TUESDAY 7.19 CONCERTS & CLUBS

DEBORAH FEINGOLD

SATURDAY 7.16

7.14 MARCUS BENTLY

7.20 JOHN DAVIS

7.15 FAT PAW

7.21 BROTHER CHUNKY LIGHT

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SPIRITS • FOOD • GOOD COMPANY 7.16 TONY HOLIDAY & THE VELVETONES 7.22 STONEFED 7.23 STONEFED

7.18 OPEN BLUES JAM

3200 E BIG COTTONWOOD RD. | 801.733.5567 THEHOGWALLOW.COM

JULY 14, 2016 | 47

7.17 LONESOME SHACK

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48 | JULY 14, 2016

Eagles of Death Metal

Don’t you hate how, now, when you hear the name Eagles of Death Metal, you think of a terrorist attack? The name used to conjure only images of fun—and assorted bare body parts. Or maybe Cannibal Corpse disemboweling Don Henley. That’s the only acceptable violent imagery that should accompany the mention of the Jesse “Boots Electric” Hughes, (nontouring member) Josh “Baby Duck” Homme and company. Fortunately, EoDM’s music—their newest album, Zipper Down (Downtown), in particular—quickly banishes all bad thoughts. All-girl indie rock band The Beaches, out of Toronto, open. (RH) In the Venue, 219 S. 600 West, 7 p.m., $20-$25, IntheVenueSLC.com

CONCERTS & CLUBS

A RELAXED GENTLEMAN’S CLUB DA I LY L U N C H S P E C I A L S POOL, FOOSBALL & GAMES

MONDAY 7.18 LIVE MUSIC

CHAPMAN BAEHLER

WEDNESDAY 7.20

Abandoned By Bears + Save The Lost Boys + The Linden Method (Kilby Court) Ben Caplan & the Casual Smokers (Billboard-Live) Deerhoof + Skating Polly + The Future of the Ghost (Urban Lounge) Jon Bellion + Alec Benjamin (The Complex) Solstice + Warsenal + Faethom + Beastial Karnage + Goro (The Loading Dock)

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TUESDAY 7.19 LIVE MUSIC

Boz Scaggs (Red Butte Amphitheatre) see p. 47 Holy Grail + Exmortus + Spellcaster + Sonic Prophecy + ToxicDose + Darkblood (Metro Bar) see p. 44 Prism Tats + Soft Limbs (Kilby Court) Rest, Repose + Killing the Messenger + Shugga Shugga Blast Blast (The Loading Dock)

Monday @ 8pm

breaking bingo

WEDNESDAY 7.20 LIVE MUSIC

Beachmen + Flaural + Dream Slut (Urban Lounge) Carcass + Crowbar + Ghoul + Night Demon (The Complex) DJ Birdman (Twist) DJ Kurtis Strange (Willie’s Lounge) Eagles of Death Metal (In The Venue) see p. 48 Korn + Rob Zombie + In This Moment (Usana Amphitheatre) Sophia Dion Band (Deer Valley Resort) Smoke Season + Caught A Ghost + The Day & Night (Kilby Court) Undergang + Spectral Voice + Mortarpod (Metro Bar)

wednesdays @ 8pm

geeks who drink

live music sunday afternoons &evenings

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BY DAVID LEVINSON WILK

ACROSS

48. Jackson and Reno 49. Hosp. areas where you might hear "Scalpel, please" 50. No-calorie cola 52. Narrow inlet 56. "Go Tell ____ the Mountain" 57. 2002 DMX hit "X Gon' Give It ____" 59. Put ____ fight 61. Econ 101 topic 62. Always, to Shakespeare 63. Prefix with cycle

Last weekâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s answers

No math is involved. The grid has numbers, but nothing has to add up to anything else. Solve the puzzle with reasoning and logic. Solving time is typically 10 to 30 minutes, depending on your skill and experience.

7. Treats, in adspeak 8. Bible translation, e.g.: Abbr. 9. Pink and others 10. Concocts 11. Symbol of limpness 12. Like macho push-ups 13. Kind of fair 19. ____-1701 (the Starship Enterprise's serial number) 21. Hat with a tassel 23. Per 24. Ill-looking 25. "Swan Lake" bend 27. What Washington wouldn't tell 29. Addie's husband in "As I Lay Dying" 33. Response: Abbr. 34. Way to go 36. Checks out 37. Comment after a bull's-eye 38. Anthony Hopkins's role in "Thor" 39. "Cagney & Lacey" org. DOWN 40. "No argument here" 1. ____-Magnon 41. Singer Bareilles with the 2. Counterpart of hers 2007 hit "Love Song" 3. Have a part 44. Grand Slam tennis event 4. Limerick or sonnet 45. "Wheel of Fortune" category 5. New York Times crossword editor since 1993 46. "No argument here" 6. Style that evolved from Baroque

Complete the grid so that each row, column, diagonal and 3x3 square contain all of the numbers 1 to 9.

1. [Last word in 35-Across] that cowboys wear 6. Got back to, in a way 11. "That's amazing!" 14. Xerox competitor 15. "It's ____ the other" 16. Brian who produced U2 17. Bone: Prefix 18. [Last word in 35-Across] that are multipocketed 20. "Fantastic" figure of children's lit 22. Pertaining to religious rites 23. Candy Crush Saga, for one 26. Sleuth, in old crime fiction 27. It's often swiped at stores 28. [Last word in 35-Across] with flared legs 30. Part of UNLV 31. MLB execs 32. Lena of "Chocolat" 33. Inflate 35. Has an accident after laughing too hard, perhaps (or a description of the circled letters in this grid) 42. Writers Bagnold and Blyton 43. Banks of "America's Next Top Model" 44. Reuters alternative 47. ____-fi 48. [Last word in 35-Across] worn by equestrians and named after a city in India 51. Prepare for use, as a pencil 53. Man's name that sounds like two letters of the alphabet 54. Fed. anti-trafficking group 55. Unrestrained revelries 56. Cartographer's blowup 58. [Last word in 35-Across] famously worn by M.C. Hammer 60. Play hard ____ 64. 180 degrees from WNW 65. Go ____ (deteriorate) 66. Actress Winona 67. Amal Clooney ____ Alamuddin 68. Laurel and Lee 69. [Last word in 35-Across] named after an Italian resort isle

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an Alice in Wonderland feel. Everything sold here is created by artists and designers that Williams admires. “I look forward to sharing and introducing those pieces to [customers],” she says. It’s obvious that her artistic eye appeals to others—customers and other creatives alike. “Working with Heather is the absolute best,” says stylist Jenna Jean Davis. “Her positive energy and the amazing, one-of-a-kind clothes and jewelry really inspire me as a stylist. I wish I could dress in Gypsy Soul clothing every day, because I get the most compliments on my photoshoots featuring this outstanding gallery.” Sara Leonard, a photographer who has been working with the shop, agrees. “I love working with Gypsy Soul Gallery,” she says. “[Williams’] background brings a certain clout … the clothing and jewelry are not like the average Salt Lake City store and I love it. If you’re looking for a charismatic, fun-loving store, you’ve found it.” n

Gypsy Soul Gallery 215 E. 300 South, Salt Lake City 801-364-4581 Tuesday-Saturday: 11 a.m.-7 p.m. GypsySoulGallery.com

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The minimalist yet artful boutique creates the feel of a blank canvas.

Gypsy Soul Gallery brings boho chic and beach vibes to the mountains.

Also: Facials, Eyebrows, Tinting & More

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No wardrobe is ever truly complete. Whether you’re looking to freshen yours up, or find one unique piece to better express your creative side, check out Gypsy Soul Gallery. This new boutique offers a hand-picked selection of clothing and accessories for women. Owner Heather Williams has worked with various artists, fashion designers and musicians over the last 17 years. “My longtime career in the fashion industry started in New York doing hair and makeup for magazine editorials,” she says. Her beginnings involved working New York fashion week with designer John Galliano for Dior. When it came time to name her business, “Gypsy Soul” felt like the perfect reflection of her life in the fashion industry. She also wanted to call it a gallery instead of a boutique because she wanted the shop to reflect an emphasis on artistry. Williams moved here because she was ready for a new adventure. “I couldn’t ignore the call from the universe to create a space in Salt Lake City that could house all my passions,” she says. Williams prides herself on the fresh designs she sells and the aesthetic of the store itself. The all-white ceiling, walls and floors of the shop intentionally create the feeling of a blank canvas. “The concept invites you to consider the idea that you yourself are a canvas,” Williams says. “What you wear, your life experiences and your stories are your art.” Housing boho chic clothing lines and accessories, the shop has a relaxed and artistic vibe. Hand-carved chairs from Indonesia, a locally made purple velvet ottoman and an art installation moss wall complete

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Go to RealAstrology.com for Rob Brezsny’s expanded weekly audio horoscopes and daily text-message horoscopes. Audio horoscopes also available by phone at 877-873-4888 or 900-950-7700.

ARIES (March 21-April 19) Upcoming adventures might make you more manly if you are a woman. If you are a man, the coming escapades could make you more womanly. How about if you’re trans? Odds are that you’ll become even more gender fluid. I am exaggerating a bit, of course. The transformations I’m referring to may not be visible to casual observers. They will mostly unfold in the depths of your psyche. But they won’t be merely symbolic, either. There’ll be mutations in your biochemistry that will expand your sense of your own gender. If you respond enthusiastically to these shifts, you will begin a process that could turn you into an even more complete and attractive human being than you already are.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) The latest Free Will Astrology poll shows that 33 percent of your friends, loved ones and acquaintances approve of your grab for glory. Thirty-eight percent disapprove, 18 percent remain undecided and 11 percent wish you would grab for even greater glory. As for me, I’m aligned with the 11-percent minority. Here’s what I say: Don’t allow your quest for shiny breakthroughs and brilliant accomplishments to be overly influenced by what people think of you. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) You are at the pinnacle of your powers to both hurt and heal. Your turbulent yearnings could disrupt the integrity of those whose selfknowledge is shaky, even as your smoldering radiance can illuminate the darkness for those who are lost or weak. As strong and confident as I am, even I would be cautious about engaging your tricky intelligence. Your piercing perceptions and wild understandings might either undo me or vitalize me. Given these volatile conditions, I advise everyone to approach you as if you were a love bomb or a truth fire or a beauty tornado.

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JULY 14, 2016 | 53

TAURUS (April 20-May 20) I’ll name five heroic tasks you will have more than enough power to accomplish in the next eight months. 1. Turning an adversary into an ally. 2. Converting a debilitating obsession into an empowering passion. 3. Transforming an obstacle into a motivator. 4. Discovering small treasures in the midst of junk and decay. 5. Using the unsolved riddles of childhood to create a living shrine to eternal youth. 6. Gathering a slew of new freedom songs, learning them by heart, SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) and singing them regularly—especially when habitual fears rise Here’s the deal: I will confess a dark secret from my past if you confess an equivalent secret from yours. Shall I go first? When I first got up in you. started in the business of writing horoscope columns, I contributed a sexed-up monthly edition to a porn magazine published by GEMINI (May 21-June 20) Your life has resemblances to a jigsaw puzzle that lies unassembled smut magnate Larry Flynt. What’s even more scandalous is that I on a kitchen table. Unbeknown to you, but revealed to you by me, a enjoyed doing it. OK. It’s your turn. Locate a compassionate listener few of the pieces are missing. Maybe your cat knocked them under who won’t judge you harshly, and unveil one of your subterranean the refrigerator, or they fell out of their storage box somewhere mysteries. You may be surprised at how much psychic energy this along the way. But this doesn’t have to be a problem. I believe you can will liberate. (For extra credit and emancipation, spill two or even mostly put together the puzzle without the missing fragments. At three secrets.) the end, when you’re finished, you may be tempted to feel frustration that the picture’s not complete. But that would be illogical perfec- CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) What do you want to be when you grow up, Capricorn? What? You tionism. Ninety-seven-percent success will be just fine. say you are already all grown up, and my question is irrelevant? If that’s your firm belief, I will ask you to set it aside for now. I’ll invite CANCER (June 21-July 22) If you are smoothly attuned with the cosmic rhythms and finely you to entertain the possibility that maybe some parts of you are not aligned with your unconscious wisdom, you could wake up in fact fully mature; that no matter how ripe you imagine yourself to one morning and find that a mental block has miraculously be, you could become even riper—an even more gorgeous version crumbled, instantly raising your intelligence. If you can find it in of your best self. I will also encourage you to immerse yourself in a your proud heart to surrender to “God,” your weirdest dilemma mood of playful fun as you respond to the following question: “How will get at least partially solved during a magical three-hour can I activate and embody an even more complete version of my interlude. And if you are able to forgive 50 percent of the wrongs soul’s code?” that have been done to you in the last six years, you will no longer feel like you’re running into a strong wind, but rather you’ll feel AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) like the beneficiary of a strong wind blowing in the same direc- On a summer day 20 years ago, I took my 5-year-old daughter Zoe and her friend Max to the merry-go-round in San Francisco’s Golden tion you’re headed. Gate Park. Zoe jumped on the elegant golden-maned lion and Max mounted the wild blue horse. Me? I climbed aboard the humble LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) How often have you visited hell or the suburbs of hell during the pig. Its squat pink body didn’t seem designed for rapid movement. last few weeks? According to my guesstimates, the time you Its timid gaze was fixed on the floor in front of it. As the man who spent there was exactly the right amount. You got the teachings operated the ride came around to see if everyone was in place, he you needed most, including a few tricks about how to steer clear congratulated me on my bold choice. Very few riders preferred the of hell in the future. With this valuable information, you will porker, he said. Not glamorous enough. “But I’m sure I will arrive at forevermore be smarter about how to avoid unnecessary pain our destination as quickly and efficiently as everyone else,” I replied. and irrelevant hindrances. So congratulations! I suggest you Your immediate future, Aquarius, has symbolic resemblances to celebrate. And please use your newfound wisdom as you decline this scene. one last invitation to visit the heart of a big, hot mess. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) Early on in our work together, my psychotherapist confessed that VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) My friend Athena works as a masseuse. She says that the she only works with clients whose problems are interesting to her. highest praise she can receive is drool. When her clients feel so In part, her motivations are selfish: Her goal is to enjoy her work. sublimely serene that threads of spit droop out of their mouths, But her motivations are also altruistic. She feels she’s not likely to she knows she’s in top form. You might trigger responses akin be of service to anyone with whom she can’t be deeply engaged. I to drool in the coming weeks, Virgo. Even if you don’t work as understand this perspective, and am inclined to make it more unia massage therapist, I think it’s possible you’ll provoke rather versal. Isn’t it smart to pick all our allies according to this principle? extreme expressions of approval, longing and curiosity. You will Every one of us is a mess in one way or another, so why not choose be at the height of your power to inspire potent feelings in those to blend our fates with those whose messiness entertains us and you encounter. In light of this situation, you might want to wear teaches us the most? I suggest you experiment with this view in a small sign or button that reads, “You have my permission to the coming weeks and months, Pisces. drool freely.”

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Distant Echo Beyond the blackened hills I hear d the knell, above the haunting whisper of her lyre– the distant echo of a single bell. I washed her face with water from the well and lay her broken body on the pyre ; beyond the blackened hills I hear d the knell. I swear I still can hear the music swel l, although the belfry perished in the fire– the distant echo of a single bell.

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DOWNTOWN

There’s a little community theater on 25th Street in Ogden called Good Company Theatre. It’s owned by two women known as “The Washington Sisters” who dedicate their nights and weekends to the arts they create for that two-bit town. Ogden’s 25th Street is known as the “two-bit street” because you could, back in the day, get about anything for two bits including drugs, prostitutes and a fleabag hotel room. Al Capone was rumored to have claimed that Ogden was “too wild a town” for him, and we know that during Prohibition, tunnels ran under some of the hotels and bars to move liquor. There are plaques on buildings on the restored street and any old-timer will tell you a tale or two about the naughty businesses that were there. Funny, but the theater itself is above Jack and Jill’s adult novelty store—keeping the traditions and tales somewhat alive in this century. I’ve been asked for the last four years to come to the theater and help produce and read in The Vagina Monologues each year, and have since become a huge fan of the sisters and their work to bring new plays to the area to O-Town. They also have drag shows which sell out instantly. I told them they needed their own annual cash cow, like Saturday’s Voyeur is for Salt Lake Acting Co. The Voyeur musical raises so much money for Salt Lake’s little theater that they can bring in some pretty amazing plays throughout the year and pay for the royalties, costumes, sets and music. I opened my big mouth and said I’d write them an old-fashion melodrama about naughty old 25th Street, because the only down-time of the year is in July—a local time for picnics, parades and pioneers. My mentor at Westminster College, Professor Jay Lees had us all star in melodramas back in our day. Think The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show and little Nell and Dudley Do-Right. Boo at the villain (Snidely Whiplash in the R and B cartoon) and cheer at our hero in this new show. I caved in and so It’s a Two-Bit Town was born. It took me about three weeks of researching the town’s history and the art form of melodrama itself. Luckily, my professor from long ago channeled himself through me and it was a snap to put together. It’s not something you see very often these days in theaters, but is a ton of fun for a cast and for the audience because of the audible reactions encouraged from the ticketholders. Those interested in booing or hissing at my work can do so July 14-24. You can find more info at GoodCoTheatre.com or by calling 801-917-4969. n

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