City Weekly Nov 17, 2016

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CWCONTENTS COVER STORY BEST OF UTAH 2016

It’s simply the best, better than all the rest. It’s also your private dancer, any old music will do … it’s our 27th annual Best of Utah issue!

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Blog Post, Nov. 9 “Dead Red”

I don’t ever want to hear again about how this is a family values state; it’s a state that thrives on prejudice traits.

JAMES SHIELDS Via Facebook

The GOP in this state could run a goat on their ticket and locals would vote for it.

CORBAN ANDERSON Via Facebook

Actually as a non-Republican I might vote for that goat; it would be the best candidate they’ve ever had. Goat for President!

TERESA MOON TATE Via Facebook

Relocating to SLC from NYC in a few weeks and looking forward to turning the state blue.

ALEXANDRA SMILEY Via Facebook

If it had been Bernie Sanders, this state would have been BLUE!

ANNMARIE THOMSON Via Facebook

I always said Utah would vote for the devil if he had an R after his name. They unfortunately proved me right this time

LARAE ANDERSON

Cinema, Nov. 3, Hacksaw Ridge

The trailer for this movie literally told the whole story. Looked corny as hell. Doss was a hero in real life, no doubt about that.

STEVE BERNHARDT

DAVID TAYLOR Via Facebook

In a state whose dominant religion knows Jesus is a Republican, that’s what you get.

KERI BRYANT Via Facebook

Facebook post, Nov. 9, “If you’re a gay kid in Utah, know that ... You are beautiful, you are unique and one day you will get your opportunity to shine.”

And you have people who love and support you and will stand up for your rights stronger than before.

DANA MCCOMBS Via Facebook

I wouldn’t treat you bad! That’s stupid to be like that.

HOLLY ANDERSON Via Facebook

I want to spread the word on this. My daughters and I and other members of my family are wearing safety pins so that endangered people will readily know others who are safe havens of support.

JOAN T LIND Via Facebook

But we are now finished with the idea that Utah is a religious state. No one voting Trump ever heard of Jesus.

MIKE SCHMAUCH

Only ignorant people judge. You are loved!

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I was saying it from the beginning. Anything else was wishful thinking.

KAREN KENSINGER

Via Facebook

Post-election thoughts

WHITNEY THOMAS

I think I’ll just stick to getting Southern food when I’m in the South.

Via Facebook Well color me blushed. Thanks, sir, for the mention.

LAFAYETTE PIERRE Via CityWeekly.net

ART GEEKS

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ANNMARIE THOMSON

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JIM SMITH

PRINCIPAL

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Via Facebook I wondered how much of a horrible person it would take for Utah to not vote red … I guess we still don’t know and that is sad.

Best of Utah® Since 1989 JOHN SALTAS

4 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

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COMMENTS@CITYWEEKLY.NET

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The uncertainty and trepidation following the election of Donald Trump as president of the United States hid what should be of greater concern: Just over 12,000 people voted for Super Dell Schanze for Governor of Utah. Because he threatened those who didn’t vote for him with the judgment or wrath of God, the number is either, theologically, inexplicably low or, rationally, outrageously high.

MICHAEL M. GEER, Sandy

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6 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

PRIVATE EY Whoa Is Me

By the time this is published, you might already be dead. Thanks to our annual Best of Utah issue, the deadline for this space has been moved up a week, so I’m writing just 48 hours after Election Day 2016. Yesterday, raucous crowds of Hillary Clinton supporters held loud, peaceful—and so far, legal—protests against the electoral college victory of Donald Trump to become the next president of the United States. At this hour, I’m not sure if the end is nigh, but it’s plain that many people believe they can see the end of the world if they stand on their tippy toes.

In 1972, I was in my first quarter at the University of Utah. The air was often rife with protests against the Vietnam War, for civil rights, against eating non-unionpicked lettuce, for women’s liberties, or feminism, or women’s right to choose.

Finding a protest was easy. Though I did march here or sit there on occasion, I was hardly a campus firebrand.

Yet, over time, I became certain that each of those causes would always remain core to me. They have been, plus an important new one—though I can’t recall gay rights being a campus cause in 1972. The above was the backdrop as I pulled back the red, white and blue drapes of the voting booth on Nov. 7, 1972, in the Copperton Lion’s Club, eager to cast my first vote for president as an 18-year-old. I closed the drapes behind me. I then did exactly as my coalmining, Cretan grandfather had taught me: I voted straight-ticket Democrat.

I left and hadn’t driven very far when the news radio guy announced that Richard Nixon had won re-election. My votes were still in the ballot box. The guy I voted for, Walter Mondale, would win just one state that day. It was a massacre.

Every cause I believed in was shredded.

I didn’t matter. My friends didn’t matter.

My Afro-wearing study partner didn’t matter. My Mexican buddies whose fathers

worked about three jobs didn’t matter. The hippie chicks in all of their bell-bottomed, tie-dyed, bra-less glory didn’t matter. The Vietnam War—which Nixon expanded into Cambodia the previous year—didn’t matter. It felt like the end of the world.

But it wasn’t.

Today, many people fear for their very being. But, here’s the deal: If you give up, it’s game over. If you remain afraid, it’s game over. If you don’t do something positive, it’s game over. We need to know we’re not alone—but protests alone aren’t going to move the needle.

Especially pointless is raging that the more than 60 million people who voted for Donald Trump are a bunch of inbred, toothless, dimwitted, racist, gun-toting idiots.

Some are. Not all.

Many people who voted for Donald Trump have more in common with you than with him. Appeal to them. Don’t rush to marginalize them. Many people who voted for Obama in 2012 did not vote for Hillary.

Racist? Not. Without going all Kafka—did Trump win or did Hillary lose? Solve that and you can move past wherever you are today and find a solution for tomorrow. For instance, it was plainly strategic to choose the righteous Pence, filling the evangelical gap for Trump. Was it arrogance or cynicism that led Hillary and the Democratic party to chose a running mate who only barely appealed to fellow harmonica players? By that view, sports fans, one side played not to lose, and the other side played to win.

Ask these, too—why do people care so much when their champion didn’t even bother to campaign in Wisconsin, a state that Trump bragged he was going to win on Day 1? Why did Hillary only win in the cities? Why did more than 100,000 people

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Readers can comment at cityweekly.net

@johnsaltas

in Michigan not even vote for president on their ballots? How could Hillary lose Arkansas where her husband was governor? What if Elizabeth Warren were on the ticket, or Bernie—or Mr. Ed? By any account, it wasn’t Hillary’s experience and ability that did her in. She is qualified to lead our country. But she won’t.

Oddly, one hope now is that Trump really did game everyone and that he will renounce his vengeful and scary positions he took in order to win, but will move closer to the governance stronghold of a political centrist. Yet, the damage is done. Fix it.

Start there.

If you’re going to mourn, if you’re going to protest—and put your life in the path of newly empowered racists, bigots and sexist pigs—if you’re going to stack so much emotion into a person, you need to know that person has your back as much as you have theirs. That is their contract with you. Hold them to it.

I mourned in 1972. I did again in 2000 when our Best of Utah was only 10 years old.

Sixteen Bests of Utah later, I mourn again, perhaps not for the same reasons as some of you, but I do mourn—and here’s one reason why: I learned today that at some newspaper offices like ours—left-leaning, ethnically, racially and sexually diverse— threats have been made (remember Trump called war on the media).

We will not let our love of the First Amendment be taken from us. We cannot abrogate our responsibility to solace the weak and to strengthen the bold. We have learned to trust in words and truth and honor—not people.

It’s the best we can do. If we fail, it won’t be because Trump did it to us. It will be because everyday people took things for granted and never learned how we all got here. CW

TODAY, MANY PEOPLE FEAR FOR THEIR VERY BEING. BUT HERE’S THE DEAL: IF YOU GIVE UP, IT’S GAME OVER.

What does the word “best” mean to you?

Scott Renshaw: After 19 years in Utah and 17 at this paper, for me it means discovering every year that there are more amazing things, people and places here than I’ll ever be able to experience, and that’s pretty consistently amazing.

Nicole Enright: Best is better than all of the rest. There can only be one best.

Jeremiah Smith: “Best” means going above and beyond. To do the most you can with what you have.

Lindsay Larkin: Mexican food and an anonymous, no-strings-attached trust fund.

Lisa Dorelli: Above and beyond all else.

Sort of like, how The Cure is the “best” band in the world.

Pete Saltas: Everybody has their own interpretation of what’s “best.” Being awarded first in our Readers Poll is awesome! But, that doesn’t mean that second and third place aren’t great in their own right. Same goes for our editorial picks: Just because Enrique really likes fried chicken doesn’t mean he won’t 86 a non-fried chicken idea for dinner with his crew. Use this issue as a helpful navigation and always support local!

Sierra Sessions: Last name, Ever. First name, Greatest.

Randy Harward: Good, better, best!

Never let it rest, until your good is better and your better is … Damn. Forgot the rest. But I’m pretty sure it’s in the Bible. Or the Quran. I dunno. Definitely a book, though. A zillion likes and I’ll ask an intern to look it up.

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BY KATHARINE BIELE @kathybiele

Trumped

And now starts the blame game. Who’s at fault for Donald Trump’s rise to authoritarianism? Or as a writer for The Guardian calls him, “A bloviating idiot, a misogynistic fool, a racist, narcissistic reality TV star without a singular achievement to his name.”

The news is full of rationalizations. It was Facebook where people can’t identify legitimate news sources. But wait, maybe it was the Russians, or the FBI, or Bernie, the millennials, or the Clinton campaign’s complacency and focus on Obama’s base.

But here in Utah, the blame was quickly deflected from Evan McMullan when he couldn’t even beat Clinton and the LDS Church failed to move its masses from Trump. The real problem came to light after Judi Hillman, director of Voterise, joined about 1,000 others at Salt Lake’s first anti-Trump rally. Wanting to understand, she talked to about 200 people.

More than a third said they didn’t vote.

Another fifth refused to answer. You can’t count votes that aren’t there.

Rocky Mountain Powerful

Never underestimate the power of a big utility company. While several Utah cities recently rejected fees for solar power, Rocky Mountain Power has another idea, according to The Salt Lake Tribune. RMP is proposing a new rate schedule that would raise the amount net-metering customers pay to the utility. You know, it’s all about how unfair it is that solar customers get a “subsidy” after paying huge sums to install solar panels and ultimately diminish the need for carbon-based energy. None of this is unexpected. Utilities are not happy about funding the growth of alternative energy, and are probably feeling empowered by the nation’s new carbonfriendly administration. Solar advocates say RMP hasn’t calculated the benefits of solar, but then why should they?

Full-Strength Ahead

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It’s hard to think of a downside to getting rid of 3.2 beer in Utah—unless that means no beer. Of course, you can always go to the state liquor store, but that just seems like overkill given the rich history of brewing in the state. The Mormons under Brigham Young operated breweries—ostensibly for the revenue—from the time they entered the valley. Just read articles in City Weekly and SLUG magazine to find more. Oklahoma is poised to allow fullstrength beer and wine in grocery and convenience stores, The Salt Lake Tribune reported. That’s because few breweries want to make the watered-down version. If the Legislature refuses to act like adults, small breweries and home brewers might get lucky.

FIVE SPOT

RANDOM QUESTIONS, SURPRISING ANSWERS

Chris Coombs is a double major in history and political science at the University of Utah. He’s been heavily involved in politics, including the most recent election cycle, and aspires to be a lawyer with a dream job being the Chief of Staff to the President of the United States. He has worked as a student ambassador in marketing and outreach with the Hinckley Institute of Politics at the U. Coombs has interned on four separate occasions in the political circle: He worked in Sen. Orrin Hatch’s office, the Attorney General’s office, interned at the Utah State Legislature and in Washington, D.C., with a lobby firm.

How did Donald Trump win despite his unconventional campaign?

I think everyone would agree that it was an unprecedented and historical election right off the bat. People need to keep in mind that he was an unconventional candidate from the very start. He never had any governmental or military service and is the first person to be the president without those two backgrounds. Donald Trump, from the very start, ran his campaign as a business. He defied the conventional wisdom of campaigning. It’s interesting to see how much money he spent on the campaign versus Hillary Clinton and the difference in the hundreds of millions of dollars, as well as the lack of ground game he had, and really defying everyone along the way—Democrats, Republicans and even the Pope. Even if you look at what specifically he spent his money on—he spent it on hats, per se. When you think of a Trump supporter, you think of someone wearing a “Make America Great Again” hat. ... He really emphasized communication and marketing. Another huge component of his success was the media. Regardless of which site or avenue you looked at, there was always some sort of tilt toward Hillary, and he overcame that through social media.

TOMMY HAMMER

NOVEMBER

HITS&MISSES

Who got it wrong: the pollsters, the media or general complacency in thinking Hillary had the election in the bag?

If you look at all of the empirical evidence—the pollsters, the media—they were saying Donald Trump wasn’t going to win and that Hillary was expected to win by a landslide. Nate Silver gave Trump the best chance to win on his site FiveThirtyEight, which was 30 percent of winning. On the other hand, you had the trends, which is something I hold more sacred. If you look at the last congressional midterm elections, the Republicans dominated. They dominate on local and state governments. If you look at Brexit and what’s occurring in the global climate, you have the rise of nationalism and right-wing movements across Europe and other places.

So I really think the trends favored him, and at the end of the day, that was more reliable than the empirical conventional wisdom. You saw his crowds and the thousands of people that would line up, and then Hillary would struggle and need Jay-Z or Beyoncé there. It didn’t add up. You had the norms on one hand, and your gut feeling on the other.

It can be argued that there’s never been a great radical president; great presidents are more centered and reach across both aisles. What does Trump have to do to reaffirm his commitment to all Americans, not just the ones who voted for him?

I’d like to think he’s transitioning out of campaign mode and into government mode.

You’re starting to see it: He’s toned it down on Twitter, he’s not saying as much or getting into arguments with people. He wants to be about coalitions and be a well-liked, productive president. This goes back to the idea that he wants to master the media and be a balanced president. I think if you look at what he wants to do policy-wise, he’s softened his stances since he’s become president. A name being tossed around for Secretary of the Treasury is Democrat Jamie Dimon, the CEO of JP Morgan. This week, Trump said he wants to reconsider Roe v. Wade, but also that same-sex marriage is the law of the land.

No other candidate has divided those sort of liberal platforms, so we’ll see what happens.

Trump has degraded certain minorities. What does he have to do to reassure them that the national government won’t discriminate these groups?

I think he needs to be inclusive. I would recommend that he holds some sort of major event or speech where he sets the record straight on his views on religious, racial, LGBT and minorities. Basically, he needs to get everyone on the same page before he’s inaugurated so people know what they can expect from a real Donald Trump candidacy.

—MIKEY SALTAS comments@cityweekly.net

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NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 9

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10 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

Lethal Injection

BY CECIL ADAMS

SLUG SIGNORINO

STRAIGHT DOPE I recently had to put down our dog, a large Labrador. Despite my emotional turmoil, I couldn’t help but notice the complete lack of pain, trauma and stress our dog experienced, and how quickly it was all over. Why do there seem to be ongoing issues whenever we execute people by lethal injection that we never see when dogs get put to sleep?

—Mike Hogan Every dog must someday romp off into the great beyond, and when its owner decides that the time has come, a licensed vet will be there to administer a lethal shot, typically of pentobarbital. Delivered in sufficient dosage, this barbiturate—most widely marketed in the U.S. as Nembutal—zips through the bloodstream to knock out brain and heart functions pretty much simultaneously. The end is instant and painless, the process so far from cruel and unusual that even the Humane Society grudgingly recommends it if euthanasia is unavoidable. With an even bigger hit of pentobarbital you can put down a horse— or end a human life with little muss or fuss.

Next time you’re looking for reasons to grumble that we Americans treat our pets better than our fellow human beings, contrast that frictionless procedure with the dysfunctional workings of death row. As of 2010, about seven percent of lethal injections conducted in the U.S. resulted in some shameful, often headline-snagging snafu.

And that incompetence hasn’t abated in the years since—capital punishment has if anything become an even less professional undertaking, as reputation-protecting drug manufacturers and physicians edge away from the institution and states grow cagier about what happens in the death chamber.

The irony here is that the earliest advocates of chemical execution actually got the idea from animal euthanasia. “We kill animals more humanely than people,” pathologist Jay Chapman recalls thinking circa 1977, while Gary Gilmore was awaiting death by firing squad. It was in that year that Chapman, then Oklahoma’s chief medical examiner, whipped up the lethal-injection protocol that still bears his name. His three-drug cocktail—sodium thiopental as a sedative, pancuronium to still the lungs, and potassium chloride to stop the heart—was eventually adopted nationwide, as well as in some of those few other countries that still execute criminals.

The Illinois-based drug manufacturer Hospira slammed the brakes on the Chapman protocol in 2011 when it ceased production of sodium thiopental. Scrambling about for a substitute, death-penalty states turned to the drug that vets had been using for years: pentobarbital. But once word got out that Nembutal was now being used for capitalpunishment purposes, public outcry in execution-averse Europe led to a pledge from its Danish manufacturer, Lundbeck, to stop selling it to states that practiced lethal injection. Undeterred, some corrections departments started buying compounded barbiturates from unregulated smaller pharmacies,

while state lawmakers moved to shield the drugs’ provenance from journalists, defense lawyers and even judges. When in 2014 a lethal-injection recipient in Oklahoma protested, “I feel my whole body burning,” there was no way for reporters to determine where the crucial dose of pentobarbital had come from.

Undependable drugs notwithstanding, the bigger problem might lie in … well, in the execution. Someone has to do the injecting, and it matters quite a bit who that someone is.

Though lethal injection superficially resembles a medical procedure (as we discussed here back in 1991, the prisoner’s arm typically gets swabbed with alcohol first, as though infection were a concern), inducing death in the healthy is something many doctors and other licensed pros choose to steer clear of.

The American Nurses Association is “strongly opposed” to its members taking part in an execution, and the American Medical Association’s code of ethics states flat-out that physicians shouldn’t get involved. In 2010 the American Board of Anesthesiology went further, reserving its right to revoke certification for lethal-injection participants.

With the pool of experienced injectors thus limited, it’s maybe unsurprising how often execution personnel can’t manage to find a vein. Stanley “Tookie” Williams got jabbed like a pincushion by California injection techs for almost 20 minutes in 2005; four years later in Ohio, executioners fumbled around so ineffectually that Romell Broom is still alive to appeal his sentence. And in the most notoriously botched injection of recent years, the IV line that was at length inserted into Oklahoma prisoner Clayton Lockett in 2014 pumped sedative into his flesh rather than the intended blood vessel; he was apparently at least semiconscious when the potassium chloride hit, and it took him nearly 45 torturous and bloody minutes to finally die. As Jay Chapman himself said in 2007, “It never occurred to me when we set this up that we’d have complete idiots administering the drugs.”

To be fair, not every instance of animal euthanasia goes off without a hitch either. In 2010, a Detroit man brought his apparently lifeless Rottweiler home from the vet believing she’d been put to sleep, planning to bury her the next day; come morning, she was up and about, the recipient of an insufficient barbiturate dosage. If plans go awry even when we dote on the creature we’re killing, small wonder that issues arise when injecting humans we’ve decided don’t deserve to live. n

Send questions to Cecil via StraightDope.com or write him c/o Chicago Reader, 350 N. Orleans, Chicago 60654.

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12 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

The Hunted

Recent data provide more insight than the U has ever had into sexual violence among students.

BY ANNIE KNOX @anniebknox comments@cityweekly.net

U

niversity of Utah freshman Teenie Noskowski believes rape on campus is a national problem. She urges friends of any gender to watch The Hunting Ground—the 2015 documentary chronicling problems faced by students who report sexual assault to their universities. She signs petitions and wears T-shirts pledging to fight sexual violence at the Salt Lake City school of approximately 32,000.

If any of her college friends told her they were sexually assaulted, Noskowski would help them seek out resources at the school. Only problem: She’s not exactly sure what those options look like or where to find them, she acknowledges.

“I know I would go to someone in authority,” the Speech and Hearing Science major says. “I know there’s socialjustice advocates here, but I don’t know where.”

Noskowski isn’t alone, according to results of an optional survey of 4,000 students in October. Half her peers don’t know the mechanics of making an official complaint or where to get support on campus. The data come from an anonymous, 20-minute survey taken by roughly 14 percent of U students in January. A little over half of participants were women.

Noskowski didn’t participate in the survey because she still was a high school senior living at home in the Bay Area when it was sent out. But she received the results in October—along with students, faculty and staff—in an online university newsletter.

The data show the U needs to do a better job of communicating where students can get medical help, counseling and schedule changes, says Dean of Students Lori McDonald. She notes students can get those services without having to make an official report, which requires rehashing details with an administrator or police.

“We’re constantly trying to get that information in the hands of students,” McDonald says. “We just have to constantly promote it in several ways.”

It takes Noskowski a minute to recall a presentation she heard in July on what to do if you are sexually assaulted at the U. New-student orientation was a

ANNIE KNOX

NEWS

whirlwind where she also charted out her course requirements, tried to avoid getting lost on campus and began making friends.

In addition to the seminar during the two-day orientation, the school also hands out brochures and hangs up informational banners. An excerpt in the school-issued student planner also goes over the details. McDonald and her colleagues now are considering what else to do to get the message out.

And it’s not just U students who are largely in the dark. The 50-50 divide “is pretty consistent across schools,” says Anna Voremberg, managing director of the national group End Rape On Campus. At the University of Oregon, for example, about 70 percent of students reported they were at least somewhat knowledgeable about where to get resources; 60 percent had a similar amount of confidence that they knew where students could go to name a perpetrator to administrators.

The lack of awareness, Voremburg says, is “a health issue.”

If students want to make a report to police, U victim advocates can show them how. If they would like the school to investigate and potentially discipline the accused student, they can go to the U’s Office of Equal Opportunity and Affirmative Action (OEO/AA), which enforces Title IX—the federal law barring gender discrimination in education. But that’s an option only if the perpetrator they identify also is a student.

The OEO/A A works differently than a police agency: Its investigation is conducted in private, involving the reporting student and the accused student, plus any witnesses. An OEO/A A team determines whether an assault was more likely than not, and its finding can be appealed by either student to a panel of faculty and students. But many at the U don’t know that. Three in 5 survey respondents said they were uncertain what happens once a report is made.

Students don’t need to go through the quasi-judicial process to get resources.

Victim advocates can get them access to counseling, and the dean of students can arrange extensions on coursework without having to tell professors exactly what happened.

McDonald and her colleagues have long struggled to communicate the options.

“I was disappointed that not more people knew about resources on campus,” McDonald says, “but I wasn’t that surprised.”

Her counterparts nationwide are conducting similar surveys under guidance of the U.S. Department of Education’s civil rights arm, though each campus query looks a little different than the next.

The department’s Office for Civil

U students Katie Kume and Lauren Radke compare T-shirts they received for pledging to intervene in situations they believe could lead to sexual assault on Oct. 26.

Rights is responsible for enforcing Title IX, the law known for mandating female representation in college sports.

But Title IX also pertains to sexual assault and harassment, saying campuses must keep students safe and on track to graduate even if they have come forward as victims of sexual violence.

Failing to comply could threaten a school’s federal funding, but no college has ever been denied the money for this reason. Most schools agree to clean up their policies if they are found in violation. Students, for their part, can kickstart a civil rights investigation if they believe their school mishandled their report.

That’s what happened at the U after 2016 graduate Nisha Kavalam filed a federal complaint with the Title IX office, which opened its investigation in June.

Kavalam thinks it’s noteworthy that more than 90 percent of students in the survey agreed the school would handle reports in a way that’s fair and timely.

She, too, believed the process would be just—until she went through it.

“Unfortunately, that wasn’t my reality,” Kavalam says.

City Weekly generally does not name people who say they are victims of sexual violence, but Kavalam agreed to be identified in this story.

In 2015, an initial review by the school did not support her claim of being assaulted off-campus, which surprised her. She believed the evidence was clear that she never consented, but the school said there was not enough evidence to make that determination.

Kavalam appealed the decision and ultimately won, but the process in its entirety took a year, and she and the other student had graduated by the

time it was over. Kavalam believes the timeline should have been speedier.

Still, she believes “the U is headed in the right direction” with the survey.

National groups such as Know Your IX have assisted students in making the complaints.

Federal privacy law generally prevents the U from speaking about specific cases. But the school says it is saddened to hear about the poor experience, tries to be fair to all students and is constantly revising and updating its policies.

Ninety miles north, Utah State University in Logan also is crafting a “campus climate survey.”

The U is planning to do the analysis every 2-3 years to measure its progress, and is weighing new ways to encourage more students to participate. This year, students who filled out the online form received a pair of socks with their school’s emblem and were entered in a raffle for $50 bookstore gift cards. CW

TO REPORT TO UNIVERSITY POLICE:

Department of Public Safety 1735 E. South Campus Drive 801-585-2677 DPS.Utah.edu TO KICKSTART A SCHOOL INVESTIGATION:

Office of Equal Opportunity and Affirmative Action Title IX coordinator Park Building, Room 135 801-581-8365 OEO.Utah.edu

S NEofW the

The Nanny State New York City officially began licensing professional fire eaters earlier this year, and classes have sprung up to teach the art so that the city’s Fire Department Explosives Unit can test for competence (if not “judgment”) and issue the “E29” certificates. In the “bad old [license-less] days,” a veteran fire eater told The New York Times in October, a “bunch of us” performed regularly for $50 a throw, largely oblivious of the dangers (though some admit that almost everyone eventually gets “badly burned”). For authenticity, the Times writer, a fire eater who dubbed herself Lady Aye, completed the licensing process herself (“as sexy as applying for a mortgage”), but declined to say whether she is awaiting bookings.

WEIRD

Bright Ideas A major streetlight in the town of Pebmarsh Close, England, went out of service when a truck hit it a year ago, and despite pleas to fix it from townspeople—and Essex county councillor Dave Harris—no action has been taken. In October, Harris staged a “birthday party” on the site, formally inviting numerous guests, and furnishing a birthday cake—to “celebrate” the “age” of the broken streetlight. (The shamed county highway office quickly promised action.)

Are We Safe?

The security firm Trend Micro disclosed in October its “surprise” to find, in the course of a routine investigation, that firms in several crucial sectors (nuclear power, electric utilities, defense contractors, computer chip makers) send critical alert messages via oldstyle wireless pagers wholly unsecured against hacking. In fact, Trend Micro said the enormously popular WhatsApp messageexchange app has better security than the alert systems of nuclear power plants. (Infrastructure engineers defended the outdated technology as useful where internet access was unavailable.)

n A unnamed (because she has not been charged with a crime) woman almost produced major havoc at the Shuttle Car Wash in Titusville, Fla., in October when, while cleaning her car, she attempted to vacuum gas out of her trunk, causing the vacuum to explode.

Undignified Deaths Mr. Nigel Hobbs, 71, passed away in Dawlish, England, in April, and an October coroner’s inquest heard that his body was found by a neighbor “swaddled” in bed linen and wearing numerous “homemade” dresses and his face covered by stockings pulled tight (but with eye holes). Underneath the coverings, his face was wrapped in polyethylene, including his mouth but not his nose, and cotton or wool was stuffed into his ears and mouth. The coroner assumed the cause of death was accidental asphyxiation.

Recurring Themes Joining some classic cases of sentencing overkill that have populated News of the Weird through the years: In October in San Marcos, Texas, jurors apparently had enough of recidivist drunk driver Jose Marin, 64, who had just racked up conviction No. 8 and so sentenced him to spend the next 99 years in prison and (perhaps more horrifyingly) sober. And in Fresno, Calif., Rene Lopez, 41, convicted of raping his daughter over a four-year period beginning when she was 16, was sentenced by a Fresno Superior Court judge to prison until the year 3519 (1,503 years from now).

The Passing Parade The world’s first constantly flowing (and free!) “wine fountain” opened in Abruzzo, Italy, in October, to help draw tourists and pilgrims who make the trek south from the Vatican to view the cathedral where remains of the disciple Thomas are kept.

Operators said they hope the fountain will not become a home to “drunkards.” n In September, the world’s first (legal) beer pipeline opened, pumping 12,000 bottles’ worth an hour from the Halve Maan brewery in Bruges, Belgium, to its bottling plant two miles away (and thus sparing visitors to the historic city the sight of tanker trucks cluttering the cobblestone streets). The pipeline was partly funded by private citizens offered “free beer for life” for their donations.

Thanks This Week to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.

NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 13

A News of the Weird Classic (May 2012) William Todd, traveling by bus, faced a nine-hour layover in Nashville, Tenn., on April 9 (2012)—and with time on his hands, managed to (allegedly) commit at least 11 felonies, one after another, while he waited: shooting up a restaurant, setting it on fire, robbing four people at a bar, carjacking, breaking into a law office and defecating on a desk, trolling hotel rooms seeking theft opportunities, and stealing a taxicab and robbing the driver. He was finally captured at Opryland, where he was hiding under water up to his nose.

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Wait, What?

New York’s prestigious Bronx High School of Science enrolls some of the “best and brightest” students in the city—some of whom (perhaps rebelling against the “nerd” label) for the last two years have held unauthorized, consensual fistfights (a “fight club”) in a field near the school, according to an October New York Daily News report. Students at the school (which has produced eight Nobel Prize winners and eight National Medal of Science honorees) then bombarded the Daily News reporter by telephone

Least Competent Criminals Ms. Cana Greer, 29, was arrested in Sacramento, Calif., in October when police responded to a call to help her remove handcuffs she had accidentally engaged while fooling around with a friend. Police, routinely checking her ID, discovered an outstanding felony burglary warrant. As per procedure, officers took her to a fire station for removal of the cuffs—to make room on her wrists for their own handcuffs.

n Security experts hired by the investment firm Muddy Waters (which is being sued for defamation by St. Jude Medical Inc. over claims that St. Jude’s cardiac implant device can be hacked) disclosed in an October court filing that they agree the devices are anonymously and maliciously hackable. They found that a popular control device (Merlin@Home) could be remotely turned off, or jiggered to carry a dangerous electrical charge from up to 100 feet away. (A similar incident was part of a plot in Season 2 of the Homeland TV series, as the means by which the ailing U.S. vice president was assassinated.)

Too Quickly Promoted Nathan Lawwill, 32, from Lansing, Mich., was arrested in Tunisia in October after emigrating as a recent Muslim convert, speaking little Arabic—which did not restrain him (a one-time Christian) from now being the Islamic Messiah, the “gift to Muslims,” “Mahdi to Muslims and Messiah to the Jews.” “I am going to be the center of the world very quickly,” he wrote on Facebook. He and his brother Patrick were found by police on Oct. 25 “unwashed,” and were detained on suspicion of terrorism.

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n At a World Cup qualifier match in October in Quito, Ecuador, police arrived during the game to question star player Enner Valencia about an unpaid alimony complaint, and he saw them waiting on the sideline. Local media reported that Valencia then faked an on-field injury near the end of the match to “necessitate” being taken away by ambulance, thus outmaneuvering the police. (He settled the complaint in time for the next match.)

and Facebook with acrimonious, vulgar messages for placing the school in a bad light.

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n Prominent British radio host Dame Jenni Murray suggested in October that the U.K. scrap traditional “sex education” courses in school and instead show pornographic videos for classes to “analyze it in exactly the same way as (they analyze Jane Austen)” in order to encourage discussion of the role of sex.

Younger students might explore why a boy should not look up a girl’s skirt, but older students would view hard-core material to confront, for example, whether normal women should “shave” or make the typical screeching moans that porno “actresses” make. Dame Jenni said simply condemning pornography is naive because too much money is at stake.

BY CHUCK SHEPHERD

In a week, you can

CHANGE THE WORLD

OCHO

THE LIST OF EIGHT

BY BILL FROST

ART JOURNEY THROUGH TIME

@Bill _ Frost

Take some time to explore art through time with a historical twist. The Brigham City Museum of Art and History is exhibiting some of its extensive permanent collection of masterworks. Through 1,000-word essays, you can experience An Art Journey Through Time.

The themes of many of the Utah painters and draftsmen take you through the old Frisco mine, show you a thorn-apple tree east of Murray, the desert sentinel, Salt Lake’s City Creek and more. The exhibit includes watercolors, drawings, etchings, paintings and photographs.

Brigham City Museum of Art and History, 24 North 300 West, 435-2261439, through Saturday, Jan. 21, free, BrighamCityMuseum.org

GIVING TREE FESTIVAL

Park City’s Rotary Club opens its Parade of Trees, showcasing the Summit County’s nonprofits and benefitting community causes. Tis the season, and whether you buy or donate, you’ll still enjoy the custom-crafted trees. There are other holiday items for sale to local businesses and individuals through an online auction. Each product is unique, made with love and care, and often decorated with special bonuses. Miner’s Plaza, 405 Main, Park City, Friday, Nov. 18, 11 a.m., free, GivingTreeFestival.org

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14 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

THE

CITIZEN REVOLT

GALLERY STROLL

CHECK OUT ALL OF OUR EVENT PHOTOS AT CITYWEEKLY.NET/PHOTOS

UPCOMING EVENTS

You’ve probably forgotten about the Gallery Stroll through Salt Lake City’s arts community, but now is a good time to fill your soul with something other than politics. It happens the third Friday of each month, except in December when it’s the first Saturday. You can start at any of the dozens of venues that include Art Access, Vive Juicery, Mestizo and Horne Gallery.

Horne features new oil and pastel scenes of downtown SLC’s Eccles Theater and Capitol Theatre, as well as Park City’s Egyptian Theater. Various venues, Salt Lake City, Friday, Nov. 18, 6-9 p.m., GalleryStroll.org

MARCH FOR LOVE

BROADWAY DIVA’S BRUNCH SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 20TH

AT CLUB X | 445 SOUTH 400 WEST, SLC 12:30-4:30PM

Feeling hopeless? Discouraged? Just plain mad? Then you might want to Help America Love Again by marching through the streets of Salt Lake City to show the world that we are here for one another. Who makes the decisions about America’s future? You do, and you should shout it out with love. Bring your uplifting and peaceful signs, as this demonstration is not about fighting fire with fire. It’s all about love, so no hate allowed. Capitol Building, 350 N. State, 801-717-0992, Saturday, Nov. 19, 11:30 a.m., free, Bit.ly/2g3iGzy

—KATHARINE BIELE Send tips to revolt@cityweekly.net

Eight just-dropped protest songs for a new America:

8. “(Refuse to Acknowledge)

The Electoral College,” by Hippies With Attitude

7. “I Believe in a Thing Called Terminal Alcohol Poisoning,” by Pessimist Jones

6. “These Colors Don’t Run …

Unless Chased by an Angry Mob,”

by Jimmy Joe Jackson

5. “MSNBC U Next Tuesday,”

by The Brian Williams Massacre

4.

“American Idiots Whom We’ve Never Met nor Engaged in Civil Discourse with but Dislike Greatly Right About Now,” by Green-ish Day

3. “Fight the Power! (At Your

Convenience, of Course; Didn’t Mean to Be Microaggressive),” by The Millennial Falcons

2. “Not My Orange Hitler,” by

Skinheads Who Can’t Even

1. “(Build that Wall) Higher

and Higher,” by The Citizenry of Canada

CLEFF CLIPS

This weekend, Alice Wetterlund brings her specialty of what she describes as “nonyelling” comedy to Salt Lake City. A somewhat familiar face to TV viewers, she got her first breakout role with a four-season run on MTV’s Girl Code. During this time, she also became a frequent performer in the NYC comedy circuit and a regular on TV commercials.

Since Girl Code finished, Wetterlund’s career has only continued to grow. Aside from having parts in the films The Interview and Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates, she was able to score recurring roles in Silicon Valley and Take My Wife, several appearances on Comedy Central’s @Midnight, and currently co-stars alongside Wyatt Cenac in the TBS series People Of Earth.

“I’m lucky to be able to choose projects … that have integrity,” Wetterlund says in an email. “It’s not easy. People think acting is a cake walk, that unless you’re singing or crying, you really aren’t working very hard. It’s so much more than that; it’s being very careful about your ego. There’s a lot of cooks in every kitchen, and you have to learn to trust your instincts and balance that with how to do your job.”

Wetterlund performs both old and new material this weekend, presenting what she calls “my signature blend of terrible, is-shekidding-with-this-shit crowd work.” Despite having what many would call a successful career so far, Wetterlund insists, “I feel like I’ve barely begun. So far, no one has died as a direct result of my comedy, so that’s something.” (Gavin Sheehan) Alice Wetterlund @ Wiseguys, 194 S. 400 West, 801-532-5233, Nov. 18-19, 7 p.m. & 9:30 p.m., $15. WiseguysComedy.com

Alice Wetterlund

NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 15

For longtime followers of Repertory Dance Theatre, the choreography in the company’s latest concert, Brio, should have at least one thing that’s familiar. Each of the pieces—Bolero, Jack, Dance for Two Army Blankets, Turf and Pat-aCake—come from the Twin Cities-based Shapiro & Smith, a company with which RDT has had a long and lasting relationship.

Back in 1997, Shapiro & Smith’s husbandand-wife founders Joanie Smith and Danial Shapiro came to Salt Lake City, where they worked with RDT dancers on Dance for Two Army Blankets—a challenging work of acrobatics that requires perfect timing to avoid leaving a dancer sprawled-face first on the floor. Since then, RDT has looked to them often for works that are both fun and stimulating for dancers and audiences. RDT performed Bolero twice in 2013, in a spring and a fall concert, and the piece remains near enough to the top of the company’s list of favorites to make it onto the bill again just a few years later.

Bolero (pictured), notes the RDT website, explores the “dynamic tensions that define the human experience … the endless nature of physical struggle, from war to personal ordeal … never letting up until after the final note,” making it perhaps a fortuitous pick for those of us still trying to figure out what happened during the recent election. On a lighter note, Turf takes a playful look at the nature of competition, while Jack and Pat-a-Cake deliver clever takes on popular children’s stories and games.

(Katherine Pioli) Repertory Dance Theatre: Brio @ Rose Wagner Performing Arts Center, 138 W. 300 South, 801-355-2787, Nov 17-19, 7:30 p.m., $15-$30, family package (4 tickets with code FAMILY), $60. RDTUtah.org

Nox Contemporary Gallery—one of the most progressive and forward-looking art spaces in the valley—has had its absence keenly felt for the past three years. From 2010-2013, director John Sproul hosted adventurous visual exhibitions, as well as experimental performance pieces.

In perhaps the most eagerly awaited event of this fall’s Gallery Stroll season, Sproul is re-opening Nox in the same familiar location, with a group show designed to put a finger to the pulse of the local art scene, and jump back in to the exhibit circuit with immediate impact, in a look at what is happening Now. The artists represented in the show include Adam Bateman, executive director of CUAC Contemporary Art who studied sculpture at the Pratt Institute in New York; photographer Celine Downen; Lenka Konopasek, a Czechborn painter/multimedia artist who has exhibited widely at home and abroad (“Wedge” is pictured); Lizze Määttälä’s sculptures made from found materials; arts administrator Frank McEntire, whose assemblages recontextualize the sacred; and sculptures by Jared Steffensen, curator of education at the Utah Museum of Contemporary Art. These six artists, with their expansive array of materials and styles, provide a snapshot of the artistic environment in Salt Lake City at the moment, but also how it’s been developing during the years of the gallery’s absence. This is the first of a series of planned exhibitions intended to begin right where Nox left off, challenging expectations and perceptions of local gallery goers, and filling a welcome niche.

(Brian Staker) Now—An Exhibition of Six @ Nox Contemporary, 440 S. 400 West, Ste. H, by appointment, through Nov. 29; reception Nov. 18, 6-9 p.m.

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FRIDAY 11.18

Now—An Exhibition of Six

FRIDAY 11.18

Repertory Dance Theatre: Brio

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When most people think of classical music, they are generally thinking of music by composers long dead, from far-off European countries they’ll probably never visit. But the Salty Cricket Composers Collective is working to change that. Through performances like this one, the group is working to bring modern classical music created by local composers to Salt Lake City.

Nathaniel Eschler, a board member for the collective, says that while the group is still growing and moving beyond its grassroots origins, Salty Cricket has begun to create a more professional environment for local composers to showcase their work. To further pursue their mission of cultivating “new music and new musicians,” Salty Cricket also offers a free afterschool care and music education program to low-income and at-risk students. Eschler says, not only does this help students appreciate the music, but also gives them an opportunity to become composers themselves.

This upcoming program features a diverse set of short duets and solo pieces that include their current artist-in-residence, cellist Noriko Kishi. Eschler says Just “Duet” represents a fairly broad array of composers as well, with sets ranging from the amateur to more professional in quality. While not every piece might appeal to all listeners, he asks first-time visitors to try out the experience.

“I would say to just keep an open mind, and to trust that there is generally something for everyone in a concert like this, because there’s such a diverse palette,” Eschler says. “Just kind of sit back and listen, and if you have questions, well, ask questions.” (Kylee Ehmann) Salty Cricket Composers Collective: Just “Duet” @ Urban Arts Gallery, 137 S. Rio Grande St., 919-274-3845, Nov. 17, 7:30 p.m., $7.50-$20. SaltyCricket.org

THURSDAY 11.17

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Salty Cricket Composers Collective: Just “Duet”

Complete Listings Online @ CityWeekly.net

NATHAN SWEET

CRYSTAL YOUNG-OTTERSTROM

THURSDAY 11.17

ENTERTAINMENT PICKS NOV. 17-23, 2016

NOX CONTEMPORARY

ESSENTIALS

the

Opening Song The Eccles Theater makes its debut as home of touring theater productions.

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BY SCOTT RENSHAW scottr@cityweekly.net @scottrenshaw

T

his week, the new Eccles Theater in downtown Salt Lake City hosts its first touring Broadway musical, Beautiful: The Carole King Musical. And while residents have followed the story and construction behind that facility for several years, the journey toward this inaugural show goes back two decades.

That’s the recollection of John Ballard, president of Magic Space Entertainment and Broadway at the Eccles, who remembers a story in the Deseret News in 1996, when the Broadway smash The Phantom of the Opera made its first local stop at the Capitol Theatre to sold-out audiences. “[The article] said, ‘Does Phantom of the Opera’s success mean Salt Lake will get a new theater?’” Ballard says. “At the time, there was talk of renovating the Utah Theater, and making that for touring shows, and that lasted for a few years. And there were studies and discussions even earlier than that.”

In his professional capacity, including as a voter for the Tony Awards, Ballard attends theaters around the country and around the world, and has had plenty of opportunity to see what was needed for a state-of-the-art venue in Salt Lake City.

Now that the Eccles is here, replacing the Capitol Theatre as the primary home for touring productions, he can see a venue that features the four things he was able to identify as his own keys to an improved experience. “One, 2,500 seats,” Ballard says.

“Two, loading docks. Three, comfortable seats with more space. And four, plenty of women’s bathrooms. … The Capitol Theatre was state-of-the-art 100 years ago, and the Eccles is state-of-the-art today.”

That new experience is likely to benefit everyone involved, from the patrons to the truck drivers—who, Ballard says, described the Capitol Theatre’s parkinggarage access as one of the hardest loads anywhere in the country—to the performers. Suzanne Grodner, who plays Carole King’s mother, Genie, in the touring production of Beautiful, is a veteran of more than 25 years in the theater, including a regional touring production of Phantom of the Opera and playing Miss Hannigan in Pioneer Theatre Company’s Annie in 2011.

While being a professional means adapting to any theater space, Grodner says that a facility can have an impact on the way actors and other members of the crew put on the show.

“The biggest adjustment we have is the

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sound,” Grodner says. “The very first thing we do when we get into a new theater is a sound check, to listen to our voices with the microphones and adjust to that particular venue.

The other aspects of change from venue to venue is our backstage dressing room area, how long it takes to get from dressing rooms to stage, if we have to adjust our walking—or running—time to make our entrances. Sometimes areas will be tiny, sometimes they’ll be huge. … It’s great to have dressing rooms that aren’t on a fifth floor with no elevator.”

Grodner adds that, particularly where a musical production is concerned, the acoustics of a space can be a huge factor in whether the show connects with the audience. “We know within the first couple of minutes what it’s going to sound like,” she says. “With a new room, you hope the architects understand the needs, sound-wise, that the space requires, for the audience and for the actors. They have their voices to give to an audience, but if the sound quality isn’t great, then the show is compromised for the audience. But we’ve found a lot of the new venues we go into have that down very well, because they consult opera houses for understanding acoustically what is needed.”

Ballard believes that the audience experience for any performance—from the acoustics, to the comfort of the seating, to the sight lines—will be exceptional in the Eccles; even the intermissions can be special, thanks to open-air balconies on the second level that allow beautiful city

Suzanne Grodner as Genie in Beautiful: The Carole King Musical

views. But for the touring shows that were instrumental in its creation, that experience might be even better. “If it’s a successful piece of theater, you lose track of where you are,” Ballard says. “A good theater like this makes that more possible.

“I’ve worked in more than 100 theaters around North American and Canada, and this is one of the best,” he adds. “I’m not using hyperbole, it just is. Salt Lake City is very lucky to have this.”

Grodner adds that there might be an element of Beautiful—with its familiar soundtrack of 1960s and 1970s pop hits— that could be perfect for helping to christen the Eccles into its role as host for touring shows. “If I can find one word to describe our show,” she says, “it’s joy. When you’re bringing a show into a brand new venue, the kind of energy we’re going to throw into that space is going to be pure joy.” CW

BEAUTIFUL: THE CAROL KING MUSICAL

Eccles Theater 131 S. Main, Salt Lake City 801-355-2787 Nov. 17, 7:30 p.m.

Nov. 18, 8 p.m.

Nov. 19, 2 p.m. & 8 p.m.

Nov. 20, 1 p.m. & 6:30 p.m. $45-$100 ArtSaltLake.org

moreESSENTIALS PERFORMANCE THEATER

DANCE

Brio Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, Salt Lake City, 801-355-2787, Nov. 17-19, 7:30 p.m., ArtSaltLake.org, see p. 15 The Phoenix Rises The Sugar Space Warehouse, 132 S. 800 West, Salt Lake City, 385-202-5504, Nov. 17-18, 7 p.m., VisitUtah.com/events

CLASSICAL & SYMPHONY

Utah Symphony: Alexander Nevsky Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple, Salt Lake City, 801-5336683, Nov. 18-19, 7:30 p.m., UtahSymphony.org Salty Cricket: Just “Duet” Urban Arts Gallery, 137 S. Rio Grande, Nov. 17, 7:30 p.m., SaltyCricket.org, see p. 15

COMEDY & IMPROV

Alice Wetterlund Wiseguys SLC, 194 S. 400 West, Salt Lake City, 801-532-5233, Nov. 18-19, 7

Photographer Rick Whitson captures images of daily life from his 2014 travels through Morocco in the exhibition From Souks to the Sahara: Visions of Morocco (Sprague Library, 2131 S. 1100 East, 801-594-8640, through Jan. 7, SLCPL.org). & 9:30 p.m., WiseguysComedy.com, see p. 15 Altercation Punk Comedy Tour Sandy Station, 8925 Harrison St., Sandy, 801-255-2078, Nov. 17, 8:30 p.m., SandyStation.com Christopher Stephenson & Toysoup Sandy Station, 8925 Harrison St., Sandy, 801-2552078, Nov. 18, 8:30 p.m., SandyStation.com Improv Broadway Brigham Larson Pianos, 1497 S. State, Orem, 909-260-2509, Saturdays, 8 p.m., ImprovBroadway.com Improv Comedy Ziegfeld Theater, 3934 Washington Blvd., Ogden, 435-327-8273, every Saturday, 9:30 p.m., OgdenComedyLoft.com Jimmy Pardo & Matt Belknap Wiseguys SLC, 194 S. 400 West, Salt Lake City, 801-532-5233, Nov. 17, 7:30 p.m., WiseguysComedy.com

Karen Rontowski Wiseguys Ogden, 269 25th St., Ogden, 801-463-2909, Nov. 18-19, 8 p.m., WiseguysComedy.com Laughing Stock Improv The Off Broadway Theatre, 272 S. Main, Salt Lake City, 801355-4628, Fridays & Saturdays, 10 p.m., LaughingStock.us Miracle on 3rd & Main The Off Broadway Theatre, 272 S. Main, Salt Lake City, 801-3554628, Nov. 18-Dec. 24, 7:30 p.m.; Dec. 10, 2 p.m., TheOBT.org Off the Wall Comedy Improv Draper Historic Theatre, 12366 S. 900 East, Draper, 801-572-4144, Saturdays, 10:30 p.m., DraperTheatre.org Open Mic Night Wiseguys SLC, 194 S. 400 West, Salt Lake City, 801-532-5233,

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Arcadia University of Utah Department of Theatre, Babcock Theatre, 300 S. 1400 East, 801-581-7100, through Nov. 20, 7:30 p.m.; Nov. 19-20, 2 p.m. matinees, Theatre.Utah.edu Beautiful: The Carole King Musical Eccles Theater, 131 S. Main, Salt Lake City, 385-468-1010, through Nov. 20, times vary, ArtSaltLake.org, see p. 16 Catch Me If You Can Hale Center Theater Orem, 225 W. 400 North, Orem, 801-226-8600, through Nov. 19, HaleTheater.org Heathers: The Musical Utah Repertory Theater Co., Sorenson Unity Center, 1383 S. 900 West, through Nov. 20, Friday-Saturday, 7:30 p.m., Saturday matinees, 2 p.m., UtahRep.org Little Shop of Horrors Egyptian Theatre, 328 Main, Park City, 435-649-9371, Nov. 18-19, 8 p.m.; Nov. 20, 6 p.m.; Nov. 23, 25 & 26, 8 p.m., EgyptianTheatreCompany.org New Kid Noorda Theatre & Box Office, 800 W. University Parkway, 801-863-5437, Nov. 18, 1 p.m., UVU.edu/Theatre/Noorda Nutcracker: Men in Tights Desert Star Playhouse, 4861 S. State, Murray, 801-2662600, through Dec. 31, DesertStar.biz Oklahoma! Brigham’s Playhouse, 25 N. 300 West, Washington, 435-251-8000, through Nov. 19, Thursday-Saturday, 7 p.m.; Saturday matinee, 2 p.m., BrighamsPlayhouse.com One Big Union Plan-B Theatre Co., Rose Wagner Performing Arts Center, 138 W. 300 South, 385468-1010, through Nov. 20, Thursday-Friday, 8

COMPLETE LISTINGS ONLINE @ CITYWEEKLY.NET p.m.; Saturday, 4 p.m. & 8 p.m.; Sunday, 2 p.m. & 5:30 p.m., ArtSaltLake.org Sister Act Hale Center Theatre, 3333 S. Decker Lake Drive, West Valley City, 801-984-9000, times and dates vary, through Dec. 3, HCT.org Six Characters in Search of an Author Browning Center Eccles Theater, Weber State University, 3848 Harrison Blvd., Ogden, 801-626-7000, dates and times vary, through Nov. 19, Weber.edu/CAHCalendar Trojan Women UVU Noorda Theatre, 800 W. University Parkway, Salt Lake City, 801-863-5437, Nov. 17-19, 7:30 p.m.; Nov. 19, 2 p.m.

Two Gentlemen of Verona Jewett Center for the Performing Arts, Westminster College, 1840 S. 1300 East, Salt Lake City, 801-484-7651, Nov. 17-19, 7:30 p.m., WestminsterCollege.edu/Theatre

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ALL THE NEWS THAT WON’T FIT IN PRINT

moreESSENTIALS Wednesdays, 7:30 p.m., WiseguysComedy.com Random Tangent Comedy Improv Draper Historic Theatre, 12366 S. 900 East, Draper, 801-572-4144, every Saturday, 10 p.m., DraperTheatre.org Sasquatch Cowboy The Comedy Loft, 3934 Washington Blvd., Ogden, Saturdays, 9:30 p.m., OgdenComedyLoft.com

Find a new favorite

LITERATURE AUTHOR APPEARANCES

Laura Stott: All We Can Hold The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, Salt Lake City, 801-484-9100, Nov. 17, 7 p.m., KingsEnglish.com Dan Wells: Extreme Makeover The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, Salt Lake City, 801-484-9100, Nov. 18, 7 p.m., KingsEnglish.com Dustin Hansen: Game On! The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, Salt Lake City, 801484-9100, Nov. 21, 7 p.m., KingsEnglish.com

TALKS & LECTURES

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LGBT+Awareness: Transgender Day of Remembrance Shepherd Union Fireplace Lounge, 3910 W. Campus Dr., Ogden, 801-6266367, Nov. 17, 12:30-1:15 p.m., Weber.edu/Union Protofeminism & Other Myths Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, Salt Lake City, 801-328-4201, Nov. 17, 7 p.m., UtahMOCA.org

VISUAL ART GALLERIES & MUSEUMS

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Alyce Carrier: Old Work Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through Jan. 14, UtahMOCA.org A Perspective on Memory: Paintings by Rebecca Reeder Anderson-Foothill Library, 1135 S. 2100 East, 801-594-8611, through Dec. 1, SLCPL.org Ashley Fairbourne Watchtower Cafe Gallery of Rogues, 1588 S. State, 801-477-7671, Nov. 19, 6-9 p.m. Watchtower-Cafe.com Benny van der Wal: Desert Trashscapes Finch Lane Gallery, 1340 E. 100 South, 801-530-0547, through Nov. 18, SaltLakeArts.org

IN N E M B E OV

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Brett South: Water + Earth = Life Salt Lake City Library Day-Riverside Branch, 1575 W. 1000 North, 801-594-8632, through Nov. 20, SLCPL.org Drew Conrad: The Desert Is A Good Place To Die CUAC, 175 E. 200 South, 385-215-6768, through Jan. 13, CUArtCenter.org Glass At The Garden Red Butte Garden, 300 Wakara Way, 801-585-0556, through Dec. 18, RedButteGarden.org Glorious Nature: Photography by Paul J. Marto Jr. Salt Lake City Chapman Library, 577 S. 900 West, 801-594-8623, through Dec. 29, SLCPL.org Holly Manneck: Popped & Twisted Kimball Art Center, 638 Park Ave., Salt Lake City, 435-6498882, Nov. 19-Jan. 8, KimballArtCenter.org Jimmi Toro Urban Arts Gallery, 137 S. Rio Grande St., 801-230-0820, gallery stroll Nov. 18, 6-9 p.m.; exhibit through Nov. 27, UtahArts.org Just Press Print Gittins Gallery, Art & Art History Dept., University of Utah, 375 S. 1530 East, through Nov. 25, Art.Utah.edu Todd Anderson: The Book of Love Marmalade Library, 280 W. 500 North, 801-594-8680, through Dec. 9, SLCPL.org Peter Everett: Transmutation CUAC, 175 E. 200 South, 385-215-6768, through Jan. 13, CUArtCenter.org Mike Lee: Digital Mirror: Selfie Consciousness Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through Dec. 17, UtahMOCA.org Now—An Exhibition of Six Nox Contemporary, 440 S. 400 West, Ste. H, Salt Lake City, through Nov. 29, see p. 15 Object[ed]: Shaping Sculpture in Contemporary Art Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through Dec. 17, UtahMOCA.org Stephanie Leitch: Interstices Granary Art Center, 86 N. Main, Ephraim, 435-283-3456, through Jan. 27, GranaryArtCenter.org When Flesh Becomes Matter: Bodies Unbounded Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, Nov 18, 6-8 p.m., UtahMOCA.org/event Work in Progress Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, Salt Lake City, 801-3552787, through Jan. 14, UtahMOCA.org

HOLIDAY MEALS

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Sidewinder Drive, Park City, 435-649-8060, GrubSteakRestaurant.com) is a solid choice.

Their prix-fixe three-course Thanksgiving dinner includes items like potato leek soup, roasted tom turkey with savory herb stuffing and traditional gravy, green beans almondine, fresh cranberry relish, oat-and-barley beer bread and sourdough baguettes. Then, choose between pumpkin pie with vanilla bean whipped cream or spiced apple bread pudding with High West bourbon sauce.

On Thanksgiving afternoon from 1-4:30 p.m., Kimi’s Chop & Oyster House (2155 S. Highland Drive, 801-946-2079, KimisHouse.com) offers Thanksgiving dinner in addition to the regular menu. T-Day menu specials include dried cherry and cremini mushroom-stuffed organic turkey roulade, lingonberry coulis, sweet potato mousse, whipped potato with lemon thyme gravy and haricot vertes. ($28 for adults, $14 for kids age 6-12, $10 age 3-5).

The 16th annual Thanksgiving dinner menu ($59.95 for adults, $29.95 for kids under 8) at The Paris (1500 S. 1500 East, 801486-5585, TheParis.net) looks délicieux, starting with wild chanterelle flatbread and then roasted pumpkin and caramelized apple soup. The main course is Utah Wight Family Farms free-range roasted turkey with accoutrements such as purée blanche ravioli, Romanesco Brussels sprouts gratin, quinoa with shallots and roasted pine nuts and much more, including housemade desserts.

If you’d prefer to dine at home on Thanksgiving, but want someone else to do the cooking, Ogden’s Hearth on 25th (195 25th St., 801-399-0088, Hearth25.com) provides a complete turkey dinner with all the fixings and dessert to feed six people for $102. Orders must be placed by Nov. 21 and pick-up times scheduled for Wednesday, Nov. 23.

And, although I don’t normally include fast-food dining options in my holiday round-ups, I’d be remiss—especially since I’m addicted to their chicken—if I didn’t mention that participating Popeyes Louisiana Kitchen locations (Popeyes.com) offer take-home Cajun-style fried turkeys ($39.99) to reheat at home … unless you want to go cold-turkey. CW

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brûlée or apple-cheddar pie.

Another Park City option for Turkey Day is to gobble up Escala’s (3551 N. Escala Court, 435-940-1234, ParkCity.Centric.Hyatt.com) $28-per-person family-style dinner (also available the day before Thanksgiving) with selections like cranberry and spinach salad, molasses-brined turkey with apple and pecan stuffing, roasted and glazed sweet potatoes and buttermilk mashed potatoes.

Housemade pies and cobblers round out the evening for dessert.

Also in Park City, glistening Apex restaurant at the Montage (9100 Marsac Ave., 435604-1300, MontageHotels.com/DeerValley) is serving a Thanksgiving Day buffet ($85 for adults, $40 for children) with classics like herb-roasted turkey, pepper-crusted beef tenderloin, citrus-apple glazed cedar plank salmon, yams with roasted marshmallows, honey-mustard glazed Brussels sprouts, a shellfish selection, salads, soups and desserts.

The posh Glitretind at Stein Eriksen Lodge (7700 Stein Way, Park City, 435-6456455, SteinLodge.com) offers a Thanksgiving buffet feast ($75 for adults, $25 for children age 5-12) featuring six salads, a selection of steamed shellfish, roasted Utah turkey, Wagyu chuck roast, maple-bourbon glazed ham, wild salmon, buffalo short ribs, parsley-butter fall vegetables, mashed potatoes, roasted yams and sweet potatoes, a kids buffet and Steins’ grand dessert display, with gingered pear and walnut cobbler, chocolate-cranberry-almond bread pudding and caramel-apple crêpes. Whew!

The Waldorf-Astoria’s Powder (2100 Frostwood Drive, Park City, 435-647-5566, WaldorfAstoriaParkCity.com) will be the scene of a sumptuous buffet ($55) featuring an array of classic Thanksgiving selections like roasted turkey, honey-clove glazed ham, herb-crusted prime beef tenderloin, braised beef short ribs, cedar-planked king salmon, sides such as candied yams, wild boar and apple stuffing, honey-glazed carrots, plus selections of seafood, soups, salads, cheeses and charcuterie. Oh, and desserts, too.

For family dining, Grub Steak (2200

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n Thanksgiving Day, many of us will be spending time in our kitchens.

However, if your preference is to get out of the kitchen on Turkey Day, there are plenty of restaurateurs—from Ogden to Park City—happy to do the cooking for you.

Here are the restaurants open on Thanksgiving that provided me (at press time) with their T-Day dining information.

If you really want to get away on Thanksgiving, you might opt for booking a room at the Hotel Monaco where you can sleep off your Bambara (202 S. Main, 801-363-5454, Bambara-SLC.com) meal. Chef Nathan Powers encourages guests to leave the kitchen, dinner preparation and dishes behind, and enjoy Bambara’s Thanksgiving buffet ($75 for adults, $55 for kids age 6-16, $65 for seniors). Dinner includes a carving station with turkey, whole New York strip, oysters, shrimp, salads and soup, plus an array of desserts and pastries.

At Finca (327 E. 200 South, 801-487-0699, FincaSLC.com) a mix of traditional American and not-so-traditional Spanish favorites will be available at the Thanksgiving Day buffet ($45 for adults, $22.50 for kids age 5-12). The eclectic menu ranges from roasted turkey and sherry-glazed ham to chorizo and oyster dressing, Spanish tortillas, chilled seafood, olive-oil whipped potatoes and a lot more.

Got meat? Fleming’s Prime Steakhouse & Wine Bar (20 S. 400 West, 801-355-3704, FlemingsSteakhouse.com) is the place for both beef and turkey lovers. On Thanksgiving, the full regular menu will be available, in addition to a four-course Thanksgiving Day dinner ($39.95) with items like lobster bisque, herb-roasted turkey and stuffing with gravy and more. For a Brazilian spin, the Trolley Square Rodizio (600 S. 700 East, 801220-0500, RodizioGrill.com) will offer all of their popular churrasco favorites, plus a holiday menu ($26.99) with staples like roasted turkey stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, sweet potatoes and pumpkin pie. Saboroso!

Deer Valley Resort’s Brass Tag (2900 Deer Valley Drive East, Park City, 435-6152410, DeerValley.com) would be a good choice for a Thanksgiving “date night” with their $48 prix-fixe dinner for two. Couples begin with a choice of miso pumpkin soup or grilled romaine salad, followed by an entrée of herb-rubbed oven-roasted chicken, oven-roasted prime rib or butternut squash ravioli. For dessert, there’s pumpkin crème

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Eat Right, Live Right, Fresh & Healthy!

FOOD MATTERS

BY TED SCHEFFLER @critic1

In The Heart Of Sugar House

V

VG

GF

NOVEMBER

catering • delivery• dine-in 2121 s. McClelland Street (850 east) 801.467.2130 I couscousgrillexpress.com

Slow as Snails

Slow Food Utah (SlowFoodUtah.org) announced its 2016 Snail Award recipients at the organization’s recent Feast of Five Senses dinner and gala. Slow Food is a nonprofit dedicated to food education, supporting local farmers, linking local producers and consumers and celebrating responsible and fair food.

Chairwoman of the board Gwen Crist says, “The Snail Awards honor those in our community who are dedicated to Slow Food principles of good, clean, fair food for all.” Award recipients for 2016 are (for farmer/producer category) Julie Clifford, Clifford Family Farm; (restaurant/chef category) Brooke Woffinden, Urban Pioneer Foods; (community leader) Gina Cornia, Utahns Against Hunger; and (local business) Sally Sears, Caffe Ibis. Congratulations to all the deserving winners.

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It’s Baaaaack

The Winter Market at Rio Grande has returned for the 2016-2017 season. The market—held on alternating Saturdays at the Rio Grande Depot (300 S. Rio Grande St.)—kicked off on Nov. 5 and runs through April 22, 2017, featuring more than 60 local vendors with goods ranging from fresh produce and artisan baked goods to meats, cheeses, eggs and, for the first time, fresh locally raised turkeys. In addition, art exhibits overseen by the Utah Department of Heritage and Arts are on display, including mixed media and works on paper, crafts, photography, video and digital works, and painting and sculpture. For more information, visit SLCFarmersMarket.org.

PC Distillers

Park City is now home to Alpine Distilling, a new craft distillery in the Silver Creek area. And, although their products aren’t available in Utah yet, Alpine already garnered two prestigious medals at the International Consumer Tasting SIP Awards. The products will launch in late 2016 here in Utah. Preserve Liqueur (with tea, fruit and spice flavors) won a Platinum award at SIP while their Stone Fruit primrose-flavored bourbon whiskey was awarded a gold medal.

Visit Utah’s newest distillery online at AlpineDistilling.com.

Quote of the week: “A hungry man is not a free man.

—Adlai Stevenson Food Matters 411: tscheffler@cityweekly.net

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NS

M

y favorite food day of the year is Thanksgiving, for all the obvious reasons. But food aside, one of the reasons I’m so fond of this holiday is that it provides the perfect opportunity for tasting wine. With so many complementary and contrasting food flavors—cranberries, dark turkey meat, salty stuffing, buttery mashed spuds, sweet pumpkin pie, etc.— the Turkey Day meal is a good place to try out an array of different wines with different foods and courses.

I usually like to treat guests to cheesy little French gougeres to snack on prior to the big meal. Sparkling wine is a perfect accompaniment to the cheese puffs, but also a very versatile libation that could carry through

ESIG

BY TED SCHEFFLER comments@cityweekly.net @critic1

IO D

Ten Turkey Day wines to give thanks to.

ON

Thanksgiving Wine Guide

the entire Thanksgiving meal, thanks in part to its relatively low alcohol content.

I’m particularly fond of pinot noir-rich rosé bubbly on this celebratory day. A good, inexpensive choice is Bisol Jeio Cuvée Rosé Spumante Brut ($15) from Veneto, Italy, with lychee and citrus notes.

For a domestic sparkling rosé, it’s hard to beat Domaine Chandon Étoile Rosé ($31.99), a gorgeous but restrained wine that is a perfect partner for foie gras and pâté.

Or, you could really kick out the jams with a bottle of Moët & Chandon Grand Vintage Rosé 2008 ($69.99), with its beautiful floral and botanical notes.

Bubbles aside, I think rosé wines in general are excellent choices for Thanksgiving dinner. The syrah in Frescobaldi Toscana

RIM PAT

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DRINK

BEER, WINE & SPIRITS

Alìe Ammiraglia Rosé 2015 ($18) makes it a smart choice to sip with turkey, and the same can be said for the syrah/grenache/cinsault blend in Cuvée M de Minuty Rosé 2015 ($20) from the Côtes de Provence.

Italian red wine might not be traditional at Thanksgiving time, but I like the combination of versatility and value that some of them offer.

One such wine is Avignonesi Rosso di Montepulciano DOC 2014 ($16.10).

It was a weird year in Tuscany in 2014, vintage-wise, but it favored younger, fruity wines like this easydrinking one. Red currant and white pepper notes should pair nicely with foods ranging from cranberry sauce to light and dark turkey meat. Another attention-grabbing Italian vino for your holiday table is Arnaldo-Caprai Montefalco Rosso 2012 ($22.95). It might not seem like the 15 percent sagrantino grape—sometimes called the “jewel” of Umbria— would make much difference, but its abundant tannins balanced

with sweet, dark fruit makes this a memorable Italian red that’s well-suited for special occasions.

From France, I’d turn to E. Guigal Crozes-Hermitage 2013 Rogue ($28.99) on Thanksgiving. Again, syrah here provides a good partnership for roasted turkey and rich stuffing and gravy. Plus, it’s just damn tasty—during the holidays or any other time. It’s also plenty big enough to drink with prime rib, ribeye roasts, game or other meats that might make their way to your holiday table.

If you’re looking for a great domestic wine to drink on the all-American holiday, I’d suggest Joseph Phelps Freestone Vineyards Pinot Noir 2013 ($42.99). Although it’s from Sonoma, this pinot noir is definitely made in the French red burgundy style. It’ll be beautiful with herbroasted turkey, as well as any salmon or mushroom dishes.

For a crowd-pleasing white wine, I’d turn to Landmark Vineyards Overlook Chardonnay 2014 ($27.49)—Landmark’s meat-and-potatoes vino, the backbone of their entire selection, but not necessarily one you’d want to pair with meat and potatoes. Instead, try it alongside roasted turkey and mashed potatoes. It’s certain to be a hit at your family or friendsgiving celebrations.

Happy Thanksgiving, winos! CW

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NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 23

Breakfast ·Lunch ·Dinner | Beer & Wine

Featuring dining destinations from buffets and rooms with a view to momand-pop joints, chic cuisine and some of our dining critic’s faves.

Cucina Deli

THE OTHER PLACE RESTAURANT OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK | MON - SAT 7AM - 11PM ● SUN 8AM - 10PM 469 EAST 300 SOUTH ● 521-6567

COME TRY EUROPEAN FAVORITES

Spitz

GERMANY... Wiener Schnitzel, Warm Pretzels with Beer Cheese Dip...

HOLLAND... Licorice, Stroopwafels, Specialty Cheeses NORWAY... Freia Chocolate, Gjetost, Lefse Homemade Soups * Marzipan Cake

Dutch, German & Scandinavian Delicatessen

2696 Highland Drive | 801-467-5052 | olddutchstore.com Open Monday - Friday 10am-6pm, Saturday 9am-5pm, Closed Sunday OldDutchStore_15BOU.indd 2

This quaint gourmet deli in Salt Lake City offers a wide selection of inventive pasta, fruit and veggie salads, fresh sandwiches and entrées including bourbon salmon and pepper steak. The store also carries imported chocolate, cheese and candy. Among Cucina Deli’s specialties are the Thai beef salad, chicken scaloppine, lamb burgers, linguini carbonara, crab cakes, confit duck tostada and macaroni and cheese with roasted jalapeños and smoked bacon. Cucina makes it easy to dine in or take out, with its “executive” box lunches to go. 1026 E. Second Ave., Salt Lake City, 801-322-3055, CucinaDeli.com You’d be nuts not to try Spitz’ street-cart döner, which is available as a sandwich with focaccia or as a lavash wrap, with a choice of beef and lamb, chicken, falafel, mixed meats or veggies. The restaurant’s beef and lamb shawarma-style mixture is outstanding: perfectly spiced and generously portioned. Ditto the falafel. It’s a popular downtown Salt Lake City destination no matter the time of day, so when you visit, order from the excellent selection of craft cocktails, sangria, wine or beer right off the bat, because you may be there a while. But the service is very friendly, and the vibe is funky and fun, with eclectic music. Multiple locations, SpitzSLC.com

11/15/2016 11:41:06 AM

Hector’s serves up some of the tastiest south-of-theborder fare in all of the Salt Lake Valley. Popular combo plates include carne asada, machaca, chorizo, chimichanga and chile relleno plates. The fresh guacamole and housemade picante sauce are stars here. And, you can’t go wrong with one of the Mexican sandwiches called tortas—especially the delicious carnitas torta. 2901 E. 3300 South, Salt Lake City, 801-487-3850

Robin’s Nest

Robin’s Nest was founded on a passion for an allAmerican favorite: the sandwich. All of the sauces and dressings are housemade, and everything is prepared fresh daily. The menu offers soups, salads and more than 25 sandwiches that are all unique to the restaurant.

There’s no boring sandwich here; try options like the Aloha Oink, with black-forest ham, provolone and pineapple salsa on ciabatta; or the Rooster Call, with chicken salad, red onion, provolone and sweethoney Dijon. All sandwiches come with orzo pasta or housemade chips, which can be enjoyed inside or outside, right on downtown’s Main Street. 311 S. Main, Salt Lake City, 801-466-6378, RobinsNestSLC.com

20 W. 200 S. SLC | (801) 355-3891 | siegfriedsdelicatessen.biz

now serving breakfast

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Hector’s Mexican Food

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NOV 19TH

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BEST OF UTAH 2016: STAFF CHOICE 2016: STAFF CHOICE

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NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 29

MEREDITH TRUAX

CITYWEEKLY.NET NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 29

BEST U TA H

2016: STAFF CHOICE BEST OF UTAH 2016: STAFF CHOICE Bradley Bullock and Seam Cannon

Utah State Bureau of Investigations Agents Bradley Bullock and Sean Cannon receive the title, for their work exposing Brewvies as a purveyor of popular feature film Deadpool and beer. On February 23, the two courageous agents stepped into the lion’s den. Dressed in the traditional garb of the enemy, the two tentatively ordered a couple beers and took their seats, not sure what to expect next.

Suddenly, they had their smoking gun. “The main character (male) in the film is shown numerous times engaging in acts or simulated acts of sexual intercourse with the female counterpart during a holiday themed sex-montage.” Also, there was booze. The shocking report from their night of debauchery was only bolstered by the fact that Agent Cannon had reported watching the heinous film two times prior. Solid detective work, Cannon.

You gonna finish that beer? (RC)

Best Man of Convictions

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CITYWEEKLY.NET

Lieutenant Governor Spencer Cox The post of lieutenant governor might well be largely ceremonial, bar his or her overseeing of the election process. Former LG Gary Herbert was largely incognito in the role, but Spencer Cox has taken the platform this post offers and used it to promote healing and constructive debate, rather than the sniping you might understandably associate with Republican politicians. No more so was his heart visible on his sleeve than his moving, tear-stained speech at a vigil when he apologized to the LGBTQ community after the Orlando club mass shooting for his past homophobia. Describing himself as a “balding, middle-aged, white Republican male” with all the privileges that entails, he talked about how his heart changed as he’d come to know members of the LGBTQ community. He concluded, “On behalf of the 3 million people of the state of Utah, we are Orlando, and we love you. I love you.” He also broke ranks with his boss by announcing he didn’t plan to vote for Donald Trump. (SD) Utah.gov/LTGovernor

Best Show of Solidarity

The Bad Kids Collective’s Orlando Benefit Show In the wake of the Pulse attack in Orlando, many cried and grieved. It was the acceptable thing to do following such a heinous act. Others got angry. That was also the right thing to do. A group of beautiful artistic misfits in our community got on the phone, booked a venue, secured a bevy of goods and services from local purveyors for a silent auction and rallied the troops. Held at Club Sound six days after the bloodshed, Party Hard 4 Pulse was a joyful celebration not just of life, but nightlife—that after-work time of solace wherein those that feel persecuted can be themselves inside safe havens. Drag and gender-fuck were elevated to performance art that night thanks to a series of heartfelt performances. At one point, one of the entertainers, Odge—onstage wearing nothing but nude briefs and bubble wrap— smashed plastic baggies filled with blue paint against his body, splashing those in the front row like a cosmic Earth Mother Shamu. Since then, I wear my newly polkadot moto vest with the utmost pride. (EL) Facebook.com/BadKidsSLC

Best Feminist

Best May

THAT GUY

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BEST OF UTAH

Best Top-Secret Undercover Super Agents

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Cat Palmer

CLASS OF 1993

She’s won three City Weekly Utah Arty awards for Best Photographer since 2007, but nothing yet for her local activist efforts (at least not from us). When she’s not snapping epic feminist pics or wedding shots, like those of SLC Mayor Jackie Biskupski, she’s participating in local activists’ events like The Salt Lake Tribunehosted panel discussion “Rape Culture: A Conversation About Consent” earlier this month, among many others. All across the board, her work is locally known for its focus on feminism. “She’s got a big heart and is up against a state that loves and hates her, depending on the day,” says her close friend and fellow activist Rachel Jensen. (AH) CatPalmer.com

ORRIN HATCH He gets elected and the reward is you minority voters want to cold-cock the guy. Sheez! As far as fighting, he’s tall so he may have good reach. But something tells us he doesn’t know how to take a punch and won’t go the distance.

He does remind us of that one guy in our neighborhood who was always getting beat up…

2. Deedee Corradini 3.(tie) Mills Crenshaw/Joy Beech/ Mike Leavitt

Best Utahn You’d Like to Punch Out

BEST OF UTAH

2016: STAFF CHOICE CITYWEEKLY.NET

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BEST OF UTAH

2016: STAFF CHOICE

Best Barista to Snapchat You

Best New Reporter on the Block

Katie McKellar at Deseret News

PAMELA ANN BERRY

City Weekly specializes in stories that other papers won’t touch.

Perhaps they are too complicated, too resource- or time-demanding.

One such story that did the rounds for at least 12 months without seeing print was concerns about Salt Lake County auditor Gary Ott not being in complete control of his faculties. But rather than an experienced journalist breaking it, it was a young writer, relatively new to the Salt Lake scene—Deseret News’ Katie McKellar, who let it rip with a lengthy piece bringing the civic questions surrounding Ott’s mental health to light. She’s broken numerous stories, including the West Jordan Facebook debacle with reporter Ben Lockhart, and is a welcome and highly talented addition to the short list of reporters’ names to watch. (SD) @katiemckellar1

There are plenty of stereotypes regarding our local politics, but it’s certainly unexpected that Utah would be the place to find the first majorparty transgender candidate for the U.S. Senate— ever. Snow emerged from the state Democratic primary as a bold progressive voice—advocating a $15 minimum wage and marijuana legalization, among other policy positions—in a state where it’s presumed that swerving too far from the Republican mainstream is the kiss of death.

Garnering 27 percent of votes, Snow might not have been able to unseat the incumbent Mike Lee, but in a year where it could be a chore to follow politics of any kind, this was a story worth cheering about. (SR)

Best Street Love Down on Rio Grande

Best Meteorological Man About Town KUTV 2News’ Sterling Poulson

NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 33

Over the years, some “weather-guessers” become the equivalent of family members.

That’s Sterling Poulson. He’s our dad, uncle, brother, son. As Channel 2’s chief meteorologist since 1989, Poulson can banter on air with the best of them, but if storm clouds threaten, he as serious and wise as King Solomon: “Cover your tomatoes!” Off air, Poulson has other talents: He’s the music director and founder of The Choral Arts Society of Utah, conducting concerts each year with the 120-voice choir. He also directs the Days of '47 Pops Concert. After serving 10 years in the U.S. Air Force, including a tour in Vietnam, Poulson emcees military observances and events, including one held at the Sandy Healing Fields. He is indeed a man about town. And we tip our hat to him.

(JW) KUTV.com

NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 33

Walk around the Road Home shelter with homeless outreach worker George Kein and you quickly see why he’s beloved by advocates, colleagues and, most of all, the folks he helps. They call out his name and come up to him, seeking advice, help or just a human, non-judgmental connection. There’s a quiet humility about him that lends an almost spiritual quality to the support he provides those who haunt the streets around the shelter. Despite all the years he’s been down there, he doesn’t seem to flinch or grow jaded at the apparent pain and torment. He’s a rock of protection and selflessness that the homeless can turn to on some of the most dangerous streets in SLC. (SD) 210 S. Rio Grande St., Salt Lake City, 801-359-4142, TheRoadHome.org

During a Utah Senate floor debate this year, Jenkins vehemently opposed a bill he believed would require employers to allow mothers to breastfeed their babies at work. In actuality, the bill (now law) compels employers to provide “reasonable accommodations” for when an “employee needs to breastfeed or express milk.” In other words, no baby need be present for lactation to occur. This was news to Jenkins—a husband, father of five and grandfather of 20. Much to the amusement/ chagrin of the Senate chamber, the sponsor of the bill had to explain to Jenkins how a breast pump worked. Jenkins still voted against the measure.

(RC)

CITYWEEKLY.NET

George Kein

Sen. Scott Jenkins, R-Plain City

ANKLY

Misty K. Snow

Breast State Lawmaker

KIRSTENFR

Best Trail-Blazing Candidate

When you take a spin class with spirited and dedicated instructor Corbett Brown at 9th & 9th Pilates, be prepared for two things: to work your butt off and to be egged on by a wooden horse Brown named Tina Sparkle, after a character in the Australian film Strictly Ballroom. Brown’s eclectic taste in music combined with his delightful patter and infectious enthusiasm for what he does makes his spin class an experience that goes by all too quickly. As you labor on your bike and watch Brown bring Tina up to each of your fellow sufferers, the greatest compliment you can pay is that the handsome duo always elicits a smile in between the drops of sweat and the grunting moans. (SD) 854 E. 900 South, Salt Lake City. 801-410-4180, 9thAnd9thPilates.com

BEST OF UTAH 2016: STAFF CHOICE 2016: STAFF CHOICE

Not every Wednesday—and sometimes not even every other Wednesday, but often enough— Luan Cavalcante ushers in a midweek open-mic session at Café on First by busting out from his repertoire a cover of “Stand By Me.” Chill and amiable, Cavalcante is the type of barista to host free, unassuming open-mic nights for musicians, poets, hip hop artists or any other performance art du jour.

Check with him to see whether the Wednesday open-mic is a go.

If Cavalcante isn’t slinging lattes behind the counter, he might be lounging in a hammock across the street, or in the café kitchen sharing a photo on social media.

Ask around; the dude is usually somewhere nearby. (DWH) 39 I St., Salt Lake City, 801-532-8488, CafeOnFirst.com

Corbett Brown

BEST OF UTAH

Luan Cavalcante

Best Movie-Inspired Spin Instructor

2016: STAFF CHOICE BEST OF UTAH 2016: STAFF CHOICE

Best Under-theRadar Community Leader

VIA KUTV.COM

BEST OF UTAH

Ron Brown

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Sh auna Lake

Best Podcaster Rebuffed in an Attempt to Report from Palestine

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Scott Carrier

Former public radio journalist and antelope chaser Scott Carrier is a veteran radio voice whose most well-known story, perhaps, aired during his stint as a This American Life contributor. It culminates with him huffing it behind a fleeing antelope to test if humans can exhaust game animal on foot like traditional Tarahumara Indians purportedly did in Mexico.

Although Carrier, a Salt Lake City resident, doesn’t report for the public radio powerhouse any longer, he’s still putting out exceptional audio. His latest enterprise is Home of the Brave, an independent podcast that includes new stuff as well as tape from Carrier’s archives. In an episode released last April, he recounts his attempt to return to Palestine by way of Israel, which is stymied when employees of the Israeli State Department interrogate him at LAX. Unimpeded by stonewalling that often disrupts or destroys a story, Carrier turns such moments into radio that’s poignant and introspective. Because his gift for storytelling is profound, listeners can forgive the fact that they never know how long the wait will be between episodes. (DWH) Homebrave.com

Best 40-Year Engagement

R. Scott Phillips, Utah Shakespeare Festival Retiring ED R. Scott Phillips began his run with the Utah Shakespeare Festival in 1977 as its first full-time employee. Over four decades, he rose through the ranks to become the marketing director and finally, in 2005, the executive director—a position from which he’ll retire in March 2017.

Working with mentor and festival co-founder Fred C. Adams, Phillips helped grow USF from three annual shows and a $300,000 budget to nine plays and a $7 million budget.

The festival garnered a Tony Award for America’s Outstanding Regional Theatre in 2000. Meanwhile, Phillips’ fundraising skills helped make the Randall L. Jones Theatre a reality in 1989 and the Beverley Taylor Sorenson Center for the Arts a reality this year. Phillips also assembled a top-notch management team by naming David Ivers and Brian Vaughn artistic directors in 2011 and Zachary Murray as general manager in 2014. Talk about leaving on a high note!

Bravo, Scott. (JW) Bard.org

The Left Show

J.M. Bell is no stranger to sticking it to Utah politics. After years of broadcast experience in talk radio, Bell launched The Left Show in early 2010 to pull no punches on the GOP and criticize everyone in his path for the boneheaded mistakes they inflict on our state. Each Monday morning, flanked by co-hosts and talkative guests, the news of the week from around the country and tidbits from our own backyard are picked apart for conservative bureaucratic bullshit, all for your listening pleasure. (GS) TheLeftShow.com

Best New Butcher on the Block Beltex Meats

In a converted house facing Liberty Park, this 18-month-old upstart entry into the butcher and charcuterie stakes is a joy for any carnivore to digest. The staff is super friendly, the location perfectly positioned for a post-park stroll purchase, and the fare they offer—including cooked goodies, such as country pâté, and mouthwatering cuts of meat—while admittedly pricey, it's worth the investment once in awhile. A whole animal butcher shop that started in summer 2014 at several farmers markets, their relationship with local farms and ranches means they can offer some of the best meat in the state. But what really catches our eye is the quality they bring even to something as humble as headcheese (the boiled remains of a pig’s head set in gelatine). A chainstore’s headcheese is usually flavorless, while Beltex’s has the texture and taste depth of one of their equally great pâté. We rest our case. (SD) 511 E. 900 South, Salt Lake City, 801-532-2641, BeltexMeats.com

Best Forward-Thinking South of the Valley Police Chief Draper Police Chief Bryan Roberts

Chief Roberts’ efforts to encourage community participation in policing should be acknowledged for the forward-thinking moves they are. Roberts regularly asks community and advocacy folks to talk to his officers and launched the first special conference for the Utah Police Chiefs Association—he sits on the board—to get his peers in law enforcement not only discussing community relations and training, among other issues, but also talking to community groups such as the NAACP and Libertas about how advocates can dialogue with the police. More, please. (SD) Facebook.com/DraperCityPD

JOSH SCHEUERMAN

ruther Best Best of T

When folks go into the criminal justice system, they often make the news.

But when they’ve done their time and return to society, that’s a different story.

Ron Brown is senior pastor at New Hope Fellowship and provides outreach and support to families of the incarcerated, as well as supporting those in recovery and struggling with addiction issues. “He takes support of people in the criminal justice system as a personal calling,” says ACLU Communications Manager Anna Brower, and brings both positivity and energy to an arena that requires much of both. If only there were more like him. (SD) 1204 E. 1450 South, Clearfield, 801-452-6203, NewHopeUtah.org

Best Poking Politics with a Pointy Stick

2016: STAFF CHOICE

NIKI CHAN

BEST OF UTAH

Best Advocate for the Underdogs Angela Romero

Armed with a bachelor’s in political science and a master’s in public administration from the University of Utah, the Tooeleborn activist and politician is always rooting for the underdog, and truly cares about the community. She volunteers with numerous nonprofit boards and commissions, including the Utah MLK Human Rights Commission, NeighborWorks Salt Lake, Salt Lake Weed and Seed Program and many more—outside of her already busy schedule as Utah representative for District 26.

One of Romero's particularly honorable ongoing efforts is a bill to mandate the testing of all future rape kits, as well as the backlog of thousands of untested rape kits currently in Utah. It’s a crisis, according to her, and unacceptable—especially considering the state has the money to test them. (AH) AngelaRomero.com

Best Anonymous Donor

The Benefactress of Sandy’s Garage 96

Best Pro Hoops Up-and-Comers Salt Lake City Stars

NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 35

Utah is filled with basketball fans, thanks to the Utah Jazz and local universities; some of them just can’t get enough. So it’s convenient that the NBA Development League’s Utah Jazz affiliate, the Idaho Stampede, has relocated to Salt Lake City for the 2016-2017 season, playing home games at Salt Lake Community College’s arena on Redwood Road. It’s a chance to catch Jazz draft picks, hungry young players and even a handful of former local college standouts as they put in the hard work that they all hope might get them to the NBA—and you can be there to see it. (SR) SaltLakeCity.DLeague.NBA.com

CITYWEEKLY.NET

Journalists know very little of the impact that their stories have.

They rarely see the behind-the-scenes reverberations that a well-aimed piece can have. But once in awhile there are surprises that remind us that readers can be moved, even inspired to do extraordinary things by the written word. Case in point: a City Weekly news story about the struggles of a Sandy City garage owned and run by Robbie Maupin to stand up against his municipality’s claims of ownership of a piece of his land. The battle led him to the point of bankruptcy. Several weeks after the story ran in September 2016, an unidentified woman left him a voicemail that she wanted to help and shortly after, someone sent Maupin a check for $5,000. He wept when he opened the envelope and found instead of further bad news from Sandy, the gift of his anonymous benefactress. “For like a half hour I was being a cry baby …” Maupin says in a text message. “I can’t tell you how much that helped me.” (SD)

Best Short-Lived Getaway

36 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

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BEST OF UTAH

2016: STAFF CHOICE

Francisco Gonzalez-Velasquez

On June 5, 2016, Francisco Gonzalez-Velasquez stood outside the local Porsche salesroom pondering the beautiful car before him through the plate glass window. It was a late afternoon on Sunday and the 2015 Porsche 918 Spyder, worth $1.6 million, spoke to him in a way that left him with only one choice of action: He broke the plate glass window and stole it. What goes through a man’s mind, we wonder, as he gets behind the wheel of a car that most of us wouldn’t even dream about owning? Where do you go? Light out for Las Vegas, Los Angeles, Mexico, perhaps, or Canada? Rather than such distant climes, Gonzalez-Velasquez drove the dream machine to the downtown homeless shelter and was apprehended nearby, six hours after his theft. While we might query his logic and certainly do not support such criminal activity, that moment when he got behind the wheel must have been something to behold. (SD)

Best Frenemy of Utah’s LGBTQ Community The LDS Church

In Utah, there are two things that people who live here—and those who don’t— love to argue about: liquor laws and the LDS Church. And the church, in a late 2015 whopper that mystified and even pissed-off a good chunk of the world’s population, decided to issue a decree labeling its gay members “apostates,” and forbidding the children of said “apostates” from participation in some key church functions. With same-sex marriage being legalized and all, many perceived this move as little more than a massive middle finger to anyone who has ever known or cared for someone who happens to be gay. This announcement was in bright contrast to news earlier in the year that the church had donated an undisclosed sum to the Utah Pride Center’s efforts to feed homeless youth. (CF)

Best Political Schott in the Dark Bryan Schott

As editor of political news site UtahPolicy.com and business site UtahPulse.com, Bryan Schott knows something of Utah’s political scene. If you have even one iota of interest in how this state and its cities are run, you should subscribe to or at least visit the Utah Policy’s site, where Schott curates local news and headlines five days a week in the Morning Must Reads. He also weighs in on the issues of the day with longtime political reporter Bob Bernick in more than 300 “Bernick and Schott on Politics” videos. Schott’s “inside baseball” reporting on local races gives insight into what’s at stake. It doesn’t matter that Schott—who is also a licensed soccer referee—leans more to the left than his publisher, LaVarr Webb. We’d like to say he provides a nice balance, something we need more of in Utah. Plus, can that man rock a pair of spectacles, or what? (JW) UtahPolicy.com

t Best Innovative Geek Artis

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Kat Martin

Best Library Advocate

Kearns Library Manager Jennifer Fay Librarians do far more than just check in and out books. They can also be mentors and even confidantes for readers who have pressing issues and don’t know who to reach out to for help. Sometimes, says county library system spokesperson Liz Sollis, “users disclose personal crises such as family violence, mental illness or substance use disorder.” Since librarians aren’t equipped to address such needs, Kearns Library manager Jennifer Fay came up with the idea of bringing help to libraries. Now six county libraries have a social worker from South Valley Services by the stacks either for a set day or time, or by appointment. Sollis says the partnership has resulted in more than 1,000 library users being connected to public health resources. While libraries provide a crucial if under-applauded role in our community, Fay has both the foresight and empathy to see how it can add even more. (SD) SLCOLibrary.org

Best LGBTQ Activists Equality Utah

Making national headlines this past October was the state’s largest LGBTQ civil rights organization, Equality Utah, as they filed a lawsuit—the first of its kind in the U.S.—against the state education office, claiming that its curriculum laws prohibiting positive discussion about homosexuality in the classroom is unconstitutional. But that’s only their most recent accomplishment. They started out 2016 with a campaign and legislation to fix Utah’s broken hate-crimes law, and were able to get to a third reading in the Utah Senate before it died. “That was rather remarkable for the first year we ran the legislation,” Executive Director Troy Williams says, “especially when you consider that it took us seven years to get that far on our non-discrimination law.” In May, they dedicated 20 blocks of 900 South (now called Harvey Milk Boulevard) in Salt Salt Lake City to the late Harvey Milk—a prominent LGBTQ activist and the first openly gay person to be elected to office in California. “Our work is to send a message to young [LGBTQ] people that they are powerful, they belong and there is a place for them in our city and state,” Williams says. (AH) EqualityUtah.org

Many a weekday morning you can see the trim, athletic figure of biking guru Ryan Littlefield pick up libations at the Coffee Garden at 9th & 9th and somehow manage to amiably cycle up to his store, Contender, a tray of coffees in hand. Littlefield took over Contender back in 1999 and has turned it not only into a wonderful bike shop beloved by experts and amateurs alike, but also an engine for growth for Salt Lake City’s bike community. He’s built what some customers call “a community of riders” who cherish both pleasure and safety where it comes to riding, while encouraging all and sundry to take part. SLC owes a big vote of thanks to Littlefield for making this town the bicycle-friendly circuit that it is. (SD) 989 E. 900 South, Salt Lake City, 801-364-0344, ContenderBicycles.com

Y R A PH OTO G O PH COZM

Best Un-retirement

U of U Running Back Joe Williams After a lackluster start to the 2016 football season, senior Utah running back Joe Williams announced in September that he was hanging up his cleats.

Retiring. Calling it a career. The Utes, seemingly flush with young talent at the position, relied on Zack Moss, Troy McCormick, Armand Shyne and Jordan Howard to carry the weight. But then, as if the bodies of these men were cursed, each were folded to the turf with injuries, leaving Utah with few answers and prompting Utah Coach Kyle Whittingham to plead with Williams to return. Williams did just that, and, to date, has been having a storybook un-retirement party. In a victory over UCLA, Williams rushed for 332 yards, a single-game school record. (CF)

Best Tireless One-Person Homeless Mom Support Ashley Hoopes

The former manager of downtown shelter The Road Home’s pre-school, Hoopes knows all too well the struggles, challenges and obstacles single homeless mothers and their children face just to survive, let alone find housing. Hoopes now runs a support group for around 50 homeless moms and along with connecting them with mentors herself, advocates to the city and the county, she says, “about what the system needs to look like so these moms don’t end up circling the drain.” She also tries to get them to tell their stories through the media or social events, anything to build empathy and get the message out that things desperately need to change. (SD)

Best “Hello, Dolly” Viva La Diva

Some of us will never get a chance to see legendary performers up close and personal, so it’s nice to have performers whose spot-on impersonations can give us the next best thing. Salt Lake City native Jason CoZmo has returned to town to launch Viva La Diva (at Club X most recently), a female impersonator revue showcasing his lipsynched, spot-on embodiments of Liza Minnelli, Bette Midler and, yes, Dolly Parton in all her 9-to-5 glory. David Lorence shares the bill as Celine Dion and Cher, with other guest performers at select shows adding up to an evening with some of the biggest voices in show business—or at least a tremendously entertaining approximation. (SR) Facebook.com/JasonCozmo

Best Lovers of the Environment Greta and John DeJong

CITYWEEKLY.NET

Love stories in this jaded time rarely get much publicity or admiration. But when you see the duo who founded Utah’s much loved, respected and valued Catalyst magazine shopping together on a Sunday morning at Costco, it reminds you that their relationship, while weathering the private storms that life sometimes throws at us, has emerged strong and resonant as ever, with a healthy dash of self-deprecating DeJong wry humor thrown in for good measure. The fruits of that relationship are to be found not only in the rich print and online pages of their alt magazine and their regular columns, but also in the way, like royalty, they enliven and grace every room they walk into. (SD) Catalyst.org

Best Driver You

NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 37

Yes, you. But you knew that already, didn’t you?

You’re never one to follow other drivers too closely.

You always signal your turns. You only use the left lane to pass. You can’t even remember the last time you rolled through a stop sign, if you ever did. But you’re not just a safe driver. You’re a good driver.

You’re like the Michael Jordan of parallel parking.

Remember that one really tricky spot you pulled into on Main Street in like five seconds? That dude walking by on the sidewalk who definitely slowclapped in amazement remembers. Way to go, you. Now look up: The light just turned green. (RC) Your home, phone number and Facebook page

NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 37

AUSTEN DIAMOND

You see their faces on billboards across the valley: smiling young people tragically lost to an epidemic of heroin and opiate overdoses. But thanks to the extraordinary hard work of ER doc Jennifer Plumb and her young brother Sam, Utah Naloxone’s program coordinator, the benefits of Naloxone—or Narcon—are finally being recognized and taken up where it counts. Not only on the front line, among multiple law enforcement departments (UPD Chief Jim Winder is a tireless advocate), but also pharmacy chains at hospitals and grocery markets across the state, which all provide the lifesaving injections free of charge. Tireless advocacy is inevitably driven by personal loss—in the Plumbs’ case, their brother. But the education they have afforded Utahns through the media, speaking engagements and lobbying about the opiate addiction epidemic that has exploded within our midst in recent years and the gift Naloxone offers in terms of saving individuals in the throes of an overdose, whether loved ones or strangers, truly makes them Beehive heroes. (SD) UtahNaloxone.org

Ryan Littlefield

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Dr. Jennifer and Sam Plumb

Best Advocate for Two Wheels

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Best Place to Grab Pussy

2016: STAFF CHOICE BEST OF UTAH 2016: STAFF CHOICE

Kitty City at the Humane Society of Utah

BEST OF UTAH

Whether you’re searching for a new family member or just want to hang with cats looking for homes, Kitty City at the Humane Society of Utah is your best destination. "Older cats tend to be overlooked and can stay in the shelter for months," says Deann Shepherd, the director of marketing and communications. "We built Kitty City to look like a home environment. We wanted folks to envision spending time with the cats in their own home." In Kitty City cats are free to mingle with other cats as well as human visitors. With wide windows, cozy spots for napping and a television playing cat-friendly TV shows, life in Kitty City is pretty sweet, but that doesn’t mean the residents wouldn’t rather have a permanent loving home with you! (AR) 4242 S. 300 West, Murray, 801-261-2919, UtahHumane.org

Utah Department of Motor Vehicles Draper Office Yes, the DMV. Yes, the real DMV. Standing in line at what everyone considers to be the seventh circle of Hell is not so, well, hellish at the Department of Motor Vehicle’s Draper branch. Applying for a license or amending vehicle registration is relatively pain-free. The lines are short, Patty and Selma Bouvier will not greet you at the window to deny your application for some mundane reason, and there’s even a drive-thru for certain processes. Don’t let the expiration date on your driver’s license loom over you, the DMV is just another quick errand. (SA) 14555 Minuteman Drive, Draper, 801-297-7780, Utah.DMV.gov

Best Place to get Eaten by Vegetarian Goblins

ENRIQUE LIMÓN

Nilbog aka Morgan County, Utah

Best Duck Pond to Dump your Old Shitty Bread The Pond at Sugar House Park

One bad thing about bread: If you don’t eat it right away, it gets old and shitty. This continues to happen despite numerous advances in the field of science. I eat 12 sandwiches each day as a stopgap solution, but I still end up with dozens of old, shitty loaves of bread every week. It’s an intractable problem for too many in our state. Thankfully, ducks eat all sorts of shit even if it’s bad for them. That’s why I dump all my old bread in the pond at Sugar House Park. The best part is that I don’t even have to get out of my car or stop driving. I just roll down the window, throw it at the pond, and yell, “Come and eat old shitty bread, you stupid ducks!” They eat it every time. (RC) 1330 E. 2100 South, Salt Lake City, 801-467-1721, SugarHousePark.org

Best Place to Skewer a Pumpkin

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Salt Lake City and County Building

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40 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

Best Bureaucratic Breeze

The city woke several years ago to a peculiar ornament atop the Salt Lake City and County Building’s highest perch. An orange pumpkin sat, impaled by the statue. Take a tour, sometime, up into the clock tower and you’ll likely hear about the mysterious caper. You’ll also learn that the daredevil culprit must be among us because he was never caught, and that the city spent somewhere in the neighborhood of $6,000 to get the gourd down. The historic landmark offers more than the pumpkin-gate tale, though, if that sort of thing doesn’t pique your interest. A display of gifts bestowed by sister cities across the globe might be more your thing, or the barren underground tunnel entryway that leads to the library across the street. The Utah Heritage Foundation sets up free tours in the summer and $10-per-person tours can be arranged in the off-months. (DWH) 451 S. State, Salt Lake City, 801-533-0858 ext. 107

Often selected as the best worst horror movie of all time, Troll 2 has captivated audiences for nearly 25 years with its wicked one-liners, atrocious acting and dubious (at best) plot. In 2012, nearly all of the cast and crew, including Italian director Claudio Fragasso, converged on Nilbog one last time for a celebration of the film’s 20-year anniversary. Since then, many Morganites have reported seeing the goblins thought to be defeated by Joshua and Grandpa Seth in the early ’90s.

What fans loved about the cult classic, they’ll find more of just spending some time around Morgan County—a true spectacle of small-town quirkiness. See the sights from the film and maybe even spot some of the supporting cast, many of whom were Morganites and still live there. (WP)

Best Indie Bookstore Re-ignition Weller Book Works

It’s been a few years since Tony and Catherine Weller moved their bookstore from Main Street to Trolley Square, rebranding as Weller Book Works. Yes, we miss bumping into Tony and hearing his passionate views about downtown development, but we can’t fault him for putting down roots at Trolley Square. At least there’s parking! Attending author readings and special events there, you sense they made the right move and are working to create a sustainable future for the store. The road forward for independent bookstores is not well defined. Luckily, we live in a city that loves its rare books—one of Weller’s specialties. (JW) 607 Trolley Square, Salt Lake City, 801-328-2586, WellerBookWorks.com

CLASS OF 2000

Best Place to Spot a Mullet WEEKENDS AT AMF RITZ CLASSIC LANES They were everywhere during the ’80s. Mel Gibson sported one, Billy Ray Cyrus, too. Today, the short in front, long in back (SFLB) hairstyle, better known as a “mullet,” is an endangered species. In Utah, however, they still request it at the barber shop. Apart from waiting for the next monster truck show at the Delta Center, the best place for a mullet sighting is weekends at the AMF Ritz Classic lanes bowling alley. There you can see the “stingray” mullets, which feature a long string of hair extended down the back, a style that hails from Hawaii. Also present are “mulletos,” children with only one mullet parent, and the teenage “mini-mullets,” who hide their hair under a baseball cap. Whatever you do, don’t laugh. The mullet-tressed can beat you bowling score into the ground.

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Best Trail to Shoot the Mr. August Picture for Your Upcoming "Mountain Men of Utah" Calendar While Also Contemplating a 127 Hours Future Devil’s Garden at Arches National Park

“Yeah, sure,” I tell my Canadian buddy after he suggests we start our Moab adventure on the park’s longest maintained trail. It’ll be a good excuse to avoid the rubes attempting to take the perfect Utah license plate pic at Delicate Arch anyway. About 45 minutes into the 7.2 mile trek, sweat is commingling with sunblock and running into my eyes as I press myself to muster on and play it cool. Trust me, a garden it ain’t. I am delirious. At one point, my bud and I recreate a pivotal Lion King scene off a rock formation’s edge wherein he plays the role of Rafiki and a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos doubles as Simba. Supplies running low, my squinty SPFridden pupils eventually see Double O Arch on the horizon. We’ve reached selfie holy land. “Expert’s way” back? Sure, why not!

Mom, Dad, I really love you guys … (EL) Moab, Utah, 84532, 435-719-2299, NPS.gov/Arch

CITYWEEKLY.NET

Best Place to Help you Forget That your Ex Took the Dog Memory Grove Park

OPEN NOON TO 1AM DAILY 128 SOUTH MAIN ST. | 801.364.4268

NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 41

When you finally realize that nagging, dog-shaped hole in your heart will never be stitched with lukewarm PBRs and B-sides by The Cure, it’s time to step out from that hovel of an apartment and get some air. On pleasant days, Memory Grove Park’s offleash dog area is a catalog of canine breeds pattering along the trail, fetching balls on the lawn and basking in the shallow pond.

But if the dogs aren’t enough to scrub an ex from your mind, the numerous war memorials can at least put those quotidian struggles into perspective. Or locate your zen by the fountain or Meditation Chapel. (DWH) 300 N. Canyon Road, Salt Lake City, 801-972-7800, SLCGov.com

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Best Downtown Brass Foundry State Brass Foundry and Machine

In an era where the word "worker" brings to mind a person wasting at some desk, hunched over a tyrannical computer screen, there is a bit of comfort in knowing that there are still people—indeed, still people in Salt Lake City—who get shit done a different way. One needs to look no further than the centuryold brass foundry on State Street, where the soot-covered men in denim overalls carefully craft massive pump housings and pretty much anything you can imagine, out of molten metal. The place—and the profession—is simply burly, and once you pick the place out amid the convenience stores and motels that dot the street, you, too, will take comfort each time you pass by and see that heavy manufacturing lives. (CF) 1400 S. State, Salt Lake City, 801-467-9461, StateBrass.com

Best Place to Crawl Inside a Giant Monkey Head Museum of Natural Curiosity

D HARWAR

TIE (Various)

For decades, the Redwood Drive-In (RedwoodDriveIn.com) has been the biggest and best outdoor movie theater in Utah, but there’s a misconception that it’s the last one in the state. Ogden has the four-screen digital Motor-Vu (MotorVu.com) which is a year older than the Redwood. Mt. Pleasant boasts The Basin DriveIn (SanpeteMovies.com) and Roosevelt has the Echo Drive-In (RooseveltMovies. com). Plus, located in Escalante, off Scenic Byway 12, the Shooting Star airstream park and RV resort (ShootingStar-RVResort.com) has a mini drive-in where resort guests (only) can watch films from within classic convertibles. Now if only we had a proper drive-in grindhouse. Hello? Salt Lake Film Society? (RH)

Best Bird Refuge

Bear River Migratory Bird Refuge It’s easy to neglect things that you don’t know. And in Utah, it’s easy to not know much about the Great Salt Lake’s fragile ecosystem. One easy way to start is a visit to the Bear River Migratory Bird Refuge, which was designated by presidential proclamation in 1928 and protects 80,000 acres of marshes, waterways and alkaline mud flats. A crucial water body for migrating birds, the refuge is home to more than 250 species that stop off by the millions as they travel to different climes. And, because we humans are now once again threatening the future of the Bear River and Great Salt Lake with water projects, the days of seeing this ecosystem in tact could be numbered. (CF) 2155 W. Forest St., Brigham City, 435-723-5887, FWS.gov

Best Slice of Movie History Kanab Little Hollywood Museum

CITYWEEKLY.NET

NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 43

For nearly a century—from Tom Mix Westerns through John Ford classics and up to modern blockbusters like John Carter— southern Utah has been cinema’s all-purpose stand-in for everything from the vintage American West to alien worlds. The Little Hollywood Museum celebrates that legacy, showcasing actual sets, props and memorabilia from movies like The Outlaw Josey Wales. Pick up gifts celebrating stars like John Wayne, take a photo in Western costume, and stick around for the authentic chuckwagon cookout. (SR) 297 W. Center St., Kanab, 435-644-5337, LittleHollywoodMuseum.org

NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 43

Utah has always offered familyfriendly places to play and explore; it’s particularly satisfying when those places are as colorfully entertaining as they are educational. Thanksgiving Point’s Museum of Natural Curiosity offers a variety of environments for kids to climb, crawl, run and splash through—from a rainforest (featuring that aforementioned, stone idolesque giant monkey head) to a desert watering hole to a “Kidopolis” model town, along with space for rotating touring exhibits, all of them offering information about science, the environment and healthy living.

Getting the wiggles out can be a learning time, too. (SR) 3605 Garden Drive, Lehi, 801-768-2300, ThanksgivingPoint.org

Best “There’s More Than One Drive-In Movie Theater in Utah”

RANDY

Scales and Tails, tucked into an industrial strip mall that abuts a residential area in West Valley City, keeps a low profile—mainly because their business entails taking their massive collection of reptiles and invertebrate off-site to private parties and state fairs. But on Mondays, Wednesdays and Saturdays, for a nominal fee, you can tour their facility, which houses scores of creatures, including giant pythons, alligators, a green anaconda, big monitor lizards and plenty of tarantulas. They’ll even let you handle some of them yourself. It’s perfectly safe, educational and tons of fun. (RH) 3584 S. 1950 West, West Valley City, 801-577-7182, ScalesAndTailsUtah.com

PAUL EVERE TT

Scales and Tails

BEST OF UTAH 2016: STAFF CHOICE 2016: STAFF CHOICE

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Best Place to Touch an Anaconda

Brighton Resort

NIKI CHAN

mic Books Best Artistic Collision of Co and Music , nut butter and chocol ate Like an nuclear blast of pea e vid pro to e mil ra ext nt the Black Omen Comics we . nce for comic-book lovers a unique reading experie pop thsyn sed -ba SLC sic The creators took the mu in their latest full-length band Conquer Monster a used the soundtrack as album, Metatransit, and ic com st late te for their listening-pleasure templa er h elements give the oth Bot . rlds Wo ge Pur , title t hou oug thr er nt each oth boost and compleme comics all at wh r nde wo us the story, which makes e with a score. (GS) would be like if they cam st Valley City, 801-9185891 W. 4300 South, We ckOmenComics 0372, Facebook. com /Bla

Best Downtown SLC Parking

The lot on 400 S. Main Street/500 S. West Temple As we all know, parking downtown is a nightmare, and those meter maids have no mercy. (Looking at you, “Officer P129.” Tell me, how do you sleep at night?)

Several lots claim to be the best and cheapest, but after living and working downtown for a year now, I’ve found the best deal on the corner of 400 South and Main Street/500 South and West Temple. You can park there all day for $6, or get a monthly pass for $55. Public entrances are on 400 South and on West Temple, where you pay with a credit/debit card to get in. I’ve yet to see it fill up. (Knock on wood.) (AH)

Best Retailer to Find Hot Deals (and Maybe Bed Bugs)

44 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

Deseret Industries Centerville

A true Utah original, Deseret Industries has long served us with its socialist (shhh, don’t tell anyone) co-op of second-hand clothes, toys, home supplies and romance novels. What makes the Centerville D.I. great is that, while others around the state have taken efforts to look less like yard sales or the basements of your Mormon aunt, the Centerville location has stuck to its Davis County guns—hymn books, white-jesus pictures and all. Take the trip to Centerville, and find yourself that Viewmont High School track-and-field windbreaker you’ve been wanting. Just beware of the furniture section … (WP) 158 E. Pages Lane, Centerville, 801-298-8918, DeseretIndustries.org

Best Place to Buy Street Cutlery Indoor Swap Meet

You know those days when the micro-aggressors are everywhere, neglectin’ to check their privilege—but you left your katana and your coffee on the roof of your car that morning? If you live in West Valley, where shit is real, you’re lucky.

Whether you need a pocket, buck, butterfly or throwing knife—or, for more egregious offenses, a machete, kukri or tanto, it’s available at The Indoor Swap Meet. You’ll need your energy, so get yourself a plate of tacos al pastor at the concession stand.

Because Hell hath no fury like a butt-hurt SJW with a raging case of firehole. (RH) 1500 S. 3500 West, West Valley City, 801-887-7927, SaltLakeIndoorSwapMeet.com

There is a wealth of blissful snow that piles high each winter in the Wasatch Range, and a stupid number of great resort choices. For kids under the age of 10, though, there is really no better option than Brighton, where children who fall within this age range ski for free with a paying adult. Since a full-priced adult lift ticket at Brighton is $79—still a far cry from costs at some other Wasatch resorts—the whole “free” thing certainly the numbs the pain. Lessons at Brighton are also reasonably priced, with children up to the age of 12 able to secure a two-hour slot for $59. (CF) 8302 S. Brighton Loop Road, Brighton, 801-532-4731, BrightonResort.com

Best New Library

Salt Lake City Public Library Marmalade Branch Somewhere, the author Ray Bradbury is smiling. In 2016, Salt Lake City opened a new 18,600-squarefoot library branch in Marmalade, complete with computers, a café and places to read, but mostly—eureka—books. That free libraries exist in a 21st century that has so far been dominated by technological outbursts mostly linked to how humans stay in touch with friends they no longer care about on telephone screens, is remarkable.

Indeed, on any given day anyone can waltz into a library, grab some books and sit until closing time swimming in imagination. (CF) 280 W. 500 North, Salt Lake City, 801-594-8680, SLCPL.UT.us

Best Place for Missionary Nostalgia London Market

While the LDS Church has spread out over much of the world, one of the first places missionaries headed out to conquer in those first years was the U.K. That continues to this day and so when someone you talk to says he or she did their mission abroad, there’s a good chance they got to know intimately some part of the British Isles. Go to the London Market on 900 South—with its adorable mini-cooper parked out front—and there may well be a former missionary chowing down on a cornish pasty (think a large savory pastry roll full of meat, potatoes and rutabaga) and fondly remembering hefting the Book of Mormon door-to-door. But if you’re an ex-pat Brit or simply someone who hit London as part of their Euro-train wallow before college, there’s plenty to find here to satisfy both your need for nostalgia and a sweet tooth. (SD) 439 E. 900 South, Salt Lake City, 801-531-7074

Best Place for a Fall Photo Shoot Millcreek Canyon

Ever thought about offering a “pop-up” photography studio? If yes, consider “popping up” in Mill Creek Canyon next fall. The canyon’s striking fall foliage and wildlife sightings make it a natural backdrop for family and wedding portraits.

It’s breathtakingly beautiful. So beautiful, in fact, that on many a fall weekend, couples, families and groups converge on scenic spots along the road and vie for that perfect portrait or Christmas card photo. Meanwhile, others are waiting, hoping for their shot. They want the good light and red

COLE GROSSMAN

2016: STAFF CHOICE BEST OF UTAH 2016: STAFF CHOICE BEST OF UTAH

Best Way to Hit the Slopes with Kids

Black Omen Comics

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44 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

leaves, too! An enterprising photographer could take control of the situation and … put a smile on their faces. (JW) SLCO.org/Recreation/Parks/MillcreekCanyon

Best Drive-Thru to Contemplate Life At

BEST OF UTAH

Sconecutter

ENRIQUE LIMÓN

Best Ignored Park in Need of Love Fairmont Park

Salt Lake City has its fair share of attractive parks for the legions of walkers, runners, bikers and picnickers (depending the weather) seeking to enjoy the outdoors, without having to tramp up in the mountains. Fairmont in Sugar House is surely one of the most beautiful parks in the valley, full of tree-graced meadows, a medium-sized pond populated with ducks and geese and even an admittedly partially vegetation-clogged stream. A horrific murder there seven years ago cast a shadow over the park that judging by the absence of visitors most days—except skaters at the skateboard park and the homeless sleeping there from spring to autumn—has left it with a dark reputation for violence. A Wednesday farmers market from June through October provides not only a welcome midweek break but also an opportunity to remind us of the pastoral glories that Fairmont offers and that perhaps it’s time for Salt Lakers to give it another chance. (SD) SLCGov.com

2016: STAFF CHOICE

“Is anything open after midnight in Salt Lake City?” someone recently asked me.

I nodded and recited a small-but-mighty laundry list of establishments before realizing halfway through it all of my choices were food-related. Whatever, I work long hours, OK? Many a night I’ve found myself contemplating life during my wait at the Sugar House Sconecutter. Most recently for a meditative 26 minutes while the nice voice behind the drive-thru speaker made me feel at ease by referring to me as “sweetie” and “hun” as she wrangled up the Oompa Loompas to make my Philly steak-and-cheese sandwich a reality. Depending on the night, the ghost of Forrest Gump is in full effect as you never know what you’re gonna get. The fact they’re open 24 hours Tuesday-Saturday, however, makes it worth the gamble. Nam-myoho-renge-kyo I chant, questioning my existence. It is now just past 1 a.m. and I find myself singing along to Def Leppard’s “Photograph” which just came on the radio. It is a cleansing experience. Eventually, the bounty of food passes through my car window and onto my lap. My chakras are aligned and I am at serene as I arrive home and unwrap my delicious … veggie sandwich?

Dafuq is this? A phone call and a couple of business days later, a gift certificate for a free sandwich arrives in my mailbox and like an intricate sand mandala, the slate is wiped clean. (EL) 2040 State, Salt Lake City, 801-485-9981

Best Way to Train yourself for UFC Foley’s Mixed Martial Arts

Ogden native David Foley is one of the most knowledgeable fighters and trainers in the state, with an impressive five-time Golden Gloves State Championship to his name. His skills and experience fuel his gym where kids and adults can train to learn both boxing and MMA-style fighting. A one-onone session with Foley can help people with no fighting skills whatsoever be prepared and stay in shape, while those seeking a career in the fighting world learn first-hand what lies ahead. (GS) 375 31st St., Ogden, 801-628-8520, FoleysMMA.com

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Clubhouse SLC

Since April of this year, photographer Dave Brewer and his partner Jude Gilmore (owners of the Greektown brothel-turned-photo studio Photo Collective Studios) have expanded their passion for visual art and local historic architecture with the purchase of the Ladies Literary Club mansion from the Utah Heritage Foundation. The newly deemed Clubhouse SLC’s unassuming brick façade might not be as eye-catching as some of its neighbors on South Temple, but inside lies a dazzling ambiance of historic details, like original towering stained-glass windows, paired with fresh and modern touches— they’ve even installed a darkroom. Brewer and Gilmore hope the space will be not only a resource for photographers and other artists, but also for the community at large that values Salt Lake’s rich history. (SA) 850 E. South Temple, Salt Lake City, 385-313-8285, ClubhouseSLC.com

Best Mysterious Day Care

Best Soar Winners

OK, most of you have probably driven past the neon-green shoe-box building on 1300 South and thought, “Huh, weird, I don’t see any kids out playing,” or maybe, “Huh, weird, why would a day care have cardboard and curtains covering all of its windows?” Fun Time Kidz Kare is, in fact, a day care. However, the Reddit threads it has inspired are the kind of internet-folklore that will live on for decades. Vice even chronicled the theories Salt Lakers have baked up. Some non-reputable deepweb reports have claimed the day care is linked to a mysterious Chinese shipping container and a nefarious bait-and-tackle shop in Iowa, making this day care officially, Utah’s most mysterious. (WP) 1248 S. 300 East, Salt Lake City, 801-467-9988

Salt Lake City museums have hosted many grandscale exhibits that came to town as part of national tours. Far more rare are those with epic scope created entirely in-house. The Leonardo channeled the spirit of its pioneering namesake with the August 2016 launch of Flight, a beautiful celebration of the history of air travel from da Vinci’s own speculative experiments through the space age.

With a full-sized C-131 aircraft as its centerpiece and great interactive components like a pair of flight simulators, Flight offered a true sense of the heights to which local exhibits could ascend. (SR) 209 E. 500 South, Salt Lake City, 801-531-9800, TheLeonardo.org

The Leonardo’s Flight

Mount Olivet Cemetery

DevPoint Labs

Everybody has that friend who is terminally unsatisfied with his or her job. They call you up with another sad story about how their boss doesn’t appreciate them and how that dick who sits two cubicles away got the promotion that should have gone to them. Next time this happens, have that friend look in to DevPoint Labs, one of Utah’s finest coding boot camps. Not only do they provide expert-guided courses in several coding languages, they offer scholarships for the ladies, and student housing to boot. Once enrolled in DevPoint’s intensive courses, students emerge like HTML5 phoenixes, ready to make the world of web and software development their bitch. (AS) 370 S. 300 East, Salt Lake City, 801-448-7240, DevPointLabs.com

Best Anticipated Place for Cat Lovers Tinker’s Cat Café

Cue the heavy breathing, cat ladies. It’s real and it’s coming to SLC in early 2017. Tinker’s Cat Café will be the very first of its kind in Salt Lake City, following a trend that started in Japan and has now reached numerous major cities across the globe.

The concept is essentially café-meets-cat adoption center. One half of the space will house a coffee house, complete with your typical bistro tables, couches and baristas serving up what founder/ owner Lisa Boone says will be cat-themed drinks— you know, chamo-meow tea, cat-ppucinos, etc.

Taking up the other half of the space will be a cat lounge, which visitors can enter for a small price.

These cats will all be available for adoption. After some setbacks, Boone has finally secured a location at 900 South and 300 East in Salt Lake City. (AH) TinkersCatCafe.com

Best View of the Salt Lake Valley Block U

NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 47

Most people who’ve lived in Salt Lake City for any period of time have seen the giant letter U (whose official title is apparently Block U) from a distance, up in the hills to the north of the University of Utah campus. But have you ever seen the city from the Block U? My first time experiencing this beautiful view of the valley was right after I moved here, in summer 2015. I hardly knew anyone my age here, so one night when I was feeling adventurous, I decided to go to a bar solo. Long story short, my night ended around 5 a.m., watching the sunrise with some dude named Joey at Block U. And, yes, it was super romantic until we learned that it's also the stomping grounds of local moms on their morning power walk. (AH) 1635 New Bedford Drive, Salt Lake City

NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 47

Established in 1874 as a cemetery to serve all faiths, this peaceful oasis is home to beautiful statues, elaborate headstones and impressive mausoleums. It’s easy to lose yourself here, wandering, reading headstones and hoping for a glimpse of the family of deer that call Mount Olivet Cemetery home. The deer spend their days nibbling grass and dozing in sunny spots among the cemetery's markers. Mount Olivet is a beautiful and serene place—perfect for spending some quality time with yourself contemplating the big questions. (AR) 1342 E. 500 South, Salt Lake City, 801-5822552, MountOlivetCemeterySLC.com

Best Place to Facilitate that Career Change

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Best Place to Accept your Certain Death

DEREK CARLISLE

Fun Time Kidz Kare

JIM LANDRY

JERRE WROBLE

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Best Historic Rejuvenation

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Best Accidental Community Art Display The Defunct Plaza at State Street Development

Back in 2012, when an old theater and 50 units of affordable housing were ripped down at 255 S. State, city leaders and developers, hungry for progress and the gentrification it breeds, embarked on an ambitious $55 million development. But alas, the project was plagued by cost overruns and for the past two years or so, the skeletons of this development have become a haven for graffiti artists, which, if you really think about it, is awesome poetic justice. Anyone who drives or walks State Street has witnessed the changing nature of the graffiti pieces plastered on the concrete walls. Hey, if the poor are no longer allowed to live downtown, we might as well give our talented artists a place to legally paint. (CF)

BUSINESS WIRE

RUTH MAGDZINSKI

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Lakeside Petrolania Museum

While America works to reduce its fossil-fuel dependency, there’s still a nostalgic longing for an era when the country was just beginning to be onthe-move, and uniformed attendants accompanied every fill-up with an oil check, a window cleaning and a smile. Relics of that era can be found in Provo, where AAA Lakeside Storage features a collection of memorabilia from oil companies and gas stations of bygone days. One-of-a-kind signs and antique gas pumps from as far back as 1917 are part of this unique roadside experience—and it’s entirely free for curious visitors. (SR) 4095 Center St., Provo, 801-377-5900, AAALakesideStorage.com

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Best Place to Kick Up Dust

Best Place to Get Excited About Utah Jazz Basketball Again

Notom-Bullfrog Basin Road/Burr Trail Road, Capitol Reef National Park to Boulder Notom-Bullfrog Basin Road turns south off the beaten—sometimes crowded—path that is State Route 24 running through Capitol Reef National Park, and showcases the park’s lesser-seen attractions on about 10 miles of cracked pavement and a threehour stretch of fine, pale dust. The crown jewel of this rural road is the Burr Trail Switchbacks, which steeply climb the cliff face and terminate at a mindboggling view of the park’s lower half. Continuing west, you’ll cut through Grand Staircase Escalante National Monument’s northern tip, where the road eventually becomes paved again—a sign of nearing civilization—and deposits you onto Route 12 at the edge of Boulder. The trip is a 70-mile detour through isolated sections of Utah’s magnificent high-desert wilderness suitable for the dedicated road-tripper: A high-clearance vehicle and a full tank of gas are recommended. (SA) State Route 24 between mileposts 88 and 89

What wins 50 games, has a 7-foot, 3-inch shotblocking, slam-dunking monster and is located in the heart of Salt Lake City? You guessed it—the 20162017 Utah Jazz. For the past 25 years, the Jazz has played in what has become one of the oldest venues in the NBA. But that’s all about to change as the Provobased home security system company Vivint bought the venue's naming rights last year and announced a $110 million renovation for the decrepit building.

While the Jazz and Vivint have both been quiet about specific additions to the arena, some promises they’ve made include solar panels, outside atriums to shelter fans while they wait in line and expanded locker rooms to build player excitement. (WP) 301 E. South Temple, Salt Lake City, VivintArena.com

Best Old-Time Scenic Journey Heber Valley Railroad

As eager as we tend to be to get from here to there as quickly as possible, sometimes a journey can actually be a destination. The Heber Valley Railroad runs its vintage steam locomotives on regular threehour round trips through Provo Canyon (gloriously colorful during the fall) or a Monday night express along the shores of Deer Creek Reservoir. And that’s not even taking into account special seasonal events like the North Pole Express during December, or the Cowboy Train (complete with music and train robbery), or even a Steampunk Train. Riding the rails can take you to amazing places. (SR) 450 S. 600 West, Heber City, 435-654-5601, HeberValleyRR.org

MacBeath Hardwood

DEREK CARLISLE

George S. Eccles Dinosaur Park’s Halloween Carnivore Carnival Ogden’s George S. Eccles Dinosaur Park is a fascinating, educational place any time of year with its life-size dinosaur figures and interactive exhibits— but it’s not an experience that generally takes place in the dark. That all changes during October, as the park offers its only after-hours time with strings of lights, tricks, treats, games and a nightly costume parade. If walking through the world of Cretaceous Era predators could be alarming in broad daylight, just imagine it once night has fallen. (SR) 1544 E. Park Blvd., Ogden, 801-393-3466, DinosaurPark.org

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Best Hardwood Supply

Best Prehistoric Haunting

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Best Full-Service Flashback

Some people think Utahns are luckier than others in the Mountain West because the fast-food restaurant chain In-N-Out Burger now slings food in Zion. But there is at least one other reason to feel blessed: One of three MacBeath Hardwood retail stores in America is based in Salt Lake City, and, if you’re into wood, the warehouse on 300 West is your sacred temple.

MacBeath stocks dozens upon dozens of different woods that, with the right tools, can be milled, mitered, sanded, stained and modified into the furniture of your dreams. If you’re not a woodworker, go in anyway and buy a T-shirt with their slick elephant logo and the company’s motto: Wood is Wonderful. (CF) 1576 S. 300 West, Salt Lake City, 801-484-7616, MacBeath.com

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Best Flashback to the Mormon Rebellion that Never Was

Play It Again Sports; Infinite Discs

Disc golf—not Frisbee golf, not frolf—is the fastestgrowing sport in the world. It’s free to play, easy to learn, and discs are relatively cheap. The game is addictive, especially with the redonkulous variety of discs with cool names like Katana, Destroyer and Mamba, which all fly differently and come in pretty colors and grippy, durable plastics—some even glow. When you get serious, you can spend up to $20 on a new disc in premium plastic. So it helps to have brick-and-mortar locations where you can put your hands on the goods. Play It Again Sports is the main source of golf discs in Utah, with a huge selection of new and used discs. In Logan, Infinite Discs has upward of 24,000 discs to choose from, making them one of the largest disc golf retailers in the nation. You can’t peruse them all, but they’ll search their database for your ideal disc and pull it from their warehouse. Or just go to InfiniteDiscs. com. (RH) Play It Again Sports, multiple locations, PlayItAgainSports.com; Infinite Discs, 1125 W. 400 North, Logan, 435-799-1106, InfiniteDiscs.com

Best Place to Feel Like You’re in The Shining That Isn’t the City Weekly Second-Floor Hallway Pre-renovation Peery Hotel

If you work in the newsroom at City Weekly and you gotta go, the closest bathrooms lie down a creepy hallway that’s straight out of The Shining. A few blocks away, The Peery Hotel is considerably more reminiscent of the 1920s-era Overlook Hotel from Stanley Kubrick’s film of Stephen King’s story. The elevators were claustrophobe’s nightmare—and supposedly housed a sad female spirit (and blood tsunami?) and the upstairs corridors looked extra long and like they’re missing something (murder twins). At night, if you listened closely, you could almost hear Scatman Crothers performing the Hong Kong Phooey theme. (RH) 110 W. 300 South, Salt Lake City, 801-521-4300, PeeryHotel.com

ENRIQUE LIMÓN

Best Place to Buy Discs for Disc Golf

Best Spot for a Quick Meeting to Morph into a Day Off The Watchtower Café

Most coffee shops have the same array of free reading material—including the rag currently in your hands. At a coffee meeting at Watchtower the other day, I couldn’t help but be distracted. There’s a video game station (couch, console, controllers and flatscreen), stacks of board games, privateish booths, racks and racks of comics and graphic novels that are either cheap, free or part of their honor-system library (take one, leave one). Plus, among their many comfy couches are two just like mine at home. I stayed long past the end of my meeting. Good thing they have sandwiches. (RH) 1588 S. State, 801-477-7671, Watchtower-Cafe.com

Best Treasure Trove of Unique and Inexpensive Clothing

Best News for Book Lovers Ken Sanders Rare Books

50 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

A resale and consignment franchise originally started in Salt Lake City in 2009 has now grown to include dozens of locations across the country. These consignment stores have the best selection of everything trendy for all different styles, and at reasonable prices. I’ve been to both the Salt Lake City locations, and have found the Sugar House location to have a much better and bigger selection. Their assortments of tops, sweaters, jackets and dresses are particularly outstanding. Last month, I walked out with two sweaters, two T-shirts and a pair of jeans for around $50.

New this year is a store that just opened in American Fork—the second one in that city, and the sixth store in Utah. (AH) 2120 S. 1300 East, 801-467-4945 UptownCheapskate.com

DEREK CARLISLE

Uptown Cheapskate in Sugar House

CITYWEEKLY.NET

50 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

In 1858, President James B uchanan—perhaps genuinely convinced that Utah Mormons were about to rebel against the U.S. government, or perhaps trying to unify the country against any threat besides the roiling threat of civil war—sent nearly a third of the U.S. Army’s troops to the Utah Territory. Those soldiers departed in 1861 as the Civil War began, but the commissary building left behind now serves as a museum to that intriguing bit of state history. Stay across the street at the Stagecoach Inn, once an actual stop on the original Pony Express route. (SR) 18035 W. 1549 North, Fairfield, 801-768-8932, StateParks.Utah.gov RANDY HARWARD

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Camp Floyd

A list of reasons to love Ken Sanders Rare Books would fill this entire paper, plus another hundred thousand or so novels. There is, however, one reason Salt Lake City book lovers may rejoice: In April, Sanders announced that he had struck a three-year lease extension that will allow him to peddle pulp through his doors for a bit more time before condominiums, a strip mall or some other shitty and unimaginative form of gentrification displaces him.

In the meantime, fingers crossed that Sanders’ Dream Garden Press will publish a series of books that will earn the man a cosmically impossible amount of money so that he can buy his little corner of the city and preserve it forever. (CF) 268 S. 200 East, Salt Lake City, 801-521-3819, KenSandersBooks.com

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Best Place to Buy and Play Board and Card Games Game Night Games

2 854 South State Street 801-532-9002 418 East 300 South 801-532-0000

Who plays Monopoly anymore? It’s boring and makes you feel … Trumpy. It’s far more fun to kill bunnies and steal carrots (the mega-expando card game Killer Bunnies) or double-cross your fellow criminals by showing them the business end of an orange foam gat (Cash 'n' Guns). Indie board/card/roleplaying games are booming in Utah, where we even have the annual SaltCon gathering. Game Night Games in Sugar House, however, is the unofficial epicenter, where the staff knows all, you can try before you buy, compete in tournaments and feast on a slice from adjacent Este Pizza Co. (RH) 2148 S. 900 East, Salt Lake City, 801-467-2400, GameNightGames.com

Best Demonstration of Water-Wise Landscaping Central Utah Gardens

GAME ON!

Mention the idea of “water-wise landscaping” to some Utah residents, and you’ll get a look that suggests you’ve just asked them to throw garbage in their yard; somehow, the notion remains that accounting for our natural high-desert climate means colorless, aesthetically unpleasing materials. Central Utah Gardens is dedicated to showing how uniquely beautiful it can be to landscape with native plants with reduced irrigation needs. Stroll through the gorgeous examples of such well-planned plantings, then take a class or pick up information on how to bring these concepts home. (SR) 355 W. University Parkway, Orem, 801-222-0123, CentralUtahGardens.org

Best Place for a Doughnut and Newspaper

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Discovering a fine selection of newspapers is not as easy as it once was, and, oddly, a quality chocolate donut is pretty rare these days, too. Luckily, in Salt Lake City, a need for a 7-Eleven convenience store on every other corner has persisted. Now, now, before you get all pissed that I’m advocating for a national chain store, for the sake of newspapers, you must take pause.

For whatever reason, 7-Eleven continues to stock the local rags, including The Salt Lake Tribune and Deseret News, as well as USA Today and, most importantly, The New York Times. By all means, buy a newspaper wherever you can find one, but know that in a pinch, 7-Eleven has your back … and your belly, too. (CF) Multiple locations, 7-Eleven.com

ENRIQUE LIMÓN

A 7-Eleven near you

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52 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

STEVEN VARGO

J156eanie ’s Smokeshop South State Street | 801-322-2817

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2016: STAFF CHOICE

Best “Fucked up Place to Get Some Shit” Raunch Records

“It’s a motto we try to do right by, though sometimes I screw up and get good shit,” owner Brad Collins says. A stalwart of Salt Lake City’s punk scene, Collins originally started Raunch out of his apartment in 1983. After roughly 15 years serving the community, Raunch closed only to reopen 12 years later in its current Sugar House location—a shop that feels like the inside of a Tom Waits junk drawer. Raunch has become a hodge-podge of a record shop, now selling skateboards, clothing, candy, toys and other knick-knacks. It oozes whatever the underbelly of the Salt Lake City counterculture produces to digest the contents of its highsalinity diet. (WP) 1119 E. 2100 South, Salt Lake City, 801-467-6077

Best Ominous Light Display 111 S. Main, Salt Lake City

Reaching 24 stories into the sky, the new citadel at the crux of Salt Lake City first appeared to onlookers as a benevolent giant, perhaps sent from the heavens to protect the flock from duplicitous outsiders. But as sun gave way to moon one night in September, onlookers trembled in horror at the beast’s crown, which had become irradiated with all the most lecherous pigments of the color wheel. Thus far, anxious denizens are left to speculate its meaning. Is it a harbinger of leaner times? A forewarning of new enemies? Why is it sometimes green, and then other times red? Reveal your intentions, oh cryptic colossus of the clouds, or face the judgment of God! (RC)

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56 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

Best Gangster Rap Namaste Scholé Yoga

You want to like yoga. You really do. But maybe brightly lit studios and Didoesque music aren’t your style. Scholé Yoga reshapes the stereotypical yoga environment, holding their Refresh, Strong and Deep classes in dim lighting with the heat cranked up. Here, there are no mirrors to judge you and instructors lead classes step by step through repetitive poses that participants can deviate from or move through at their own pace. From rap and hip-hop to French electro-pop and indie rock, each instructor customizes their class soundtracks, so you’ll never hear the same song twice. (SA) 824 S. 400 West, Salt Lake City, 435-200-5265, ScholeYoga.com

Best Spot to Become an Undercover Anarchist The SLCC Community Writing Center

Surprised that a nonprofit extension of Salt Lake Community College would win this award? Nowhere in the nation are the pedagogies and philosophies of radical education theorist Paulo Freire more alive than at the SLCC Community Writing Center. The top-down educational model of approaching learning and knowledge as co-created and existing only through an equal power balance between teacher and learner, has been the trademark of the Community Writing Center since Salt Lake Super Scholar Tiffany Rousculp, with the help of others, founded it in 2001. It's infiltrated marginalized communities of Salt Lake City to share the power of writing and literacy to regain the agency often stripped of them by class, racial, gender and ability barriers for so long. (WP) 210 E. 400 South, Salt Lake City, 801-957-2192, SLCC.edu/CWC

Best Pooch Primping Fur 'R' We

So, you adopted a furry best friend that looked adorable at the rescue fair. But six weeks later, the cute haircut has grown out, and you’re dealing with a shaggy dog. Face it: You need to have a pet groomer on speed dial. The pros at Fur 'R’ We are just the folks to pamper pups (and kitties). Operating since 1994, they offer shampooing, show grooming, hand-scissored haircuts and shave downs.

In addition, they provide nail clipping, dremeling, ear plucking and cleaning. No matter your pet’s disposition, Fur 'R’ We knows how to calm your pet down and have them looking (and smelling) like a movie star in no time. (JW) 1873 Fort Union Blvd., Cottonwood Heights, 801-942-7979, FurRWe.com

Best Activism for Those Behind Bars Utah Prisoner Advocate Network

While there have been worthy attempts in the past to organize relatives of the incarcerated and their sympathizers and prison activists, the Utah Prison Advocacy Network (U-PAN) founded in 2012 by therapist Molly Prince and Heather Fabian has become a remarkably assured and powerful voice in just a few years for reform and accountability in Utah’s penal system. They send out a monthly newsletter full of information, hold monthly meetings with speakers—such as ACLU’s Anna Brower keeping them abreast of developments in key issues impacting the incarcerated—and doggedly pursue issues that matter to those behind bars and their loved ones. And that includes issues few take into account, such as outpatient sex-offender treatment. In a state where the rights of the incarcerated register with few, U-PAN ensures that their relatives remain informed, and those who run and are responsible for the prison know that they are watching. (SD) UtahPrisonerAdvocate.org

Best Beard Care A Blissful Whirl

BEST OF UTAH

Call them trendy, call them a hipster fashion statement, but you can’t pretend they’re not there: Beards are everywhere. And you wouldn’t just leave the rest of the hair on your head alone and hope for the best, right?

Orem-based Lee Shumway has created a range of personal-care products, including lotions and solid perfumes, but take a special look at items for that manly chin-mane. Thanks to handmade products like Citrus Cedar Beard Oil to Musk & Myrrh Beard Balm to coconut milk Beard Bar, and even the Blissful Beard Brush, your facial follicles will never be happier. (SR) Etsy.com/Shop/ABlissfulWhirl

2016: STAFF CHOICE

Best Custom Bling 9th & 9th Jewelers

The wedding industry in Utah is big, and if you’ve ever had to wade through the overwhelming sea that is engagement and wedding ring shopping, you know the struggle of trying to find something special. Everything looks the same, everything’s too expensive, your partner sees photos they like on Pinterest but nothing similar can be found in real life. Enter: Joe Maughan of 9th & 9th Jewelers. Walk into his shop at nearly any time of day to find him tinkering with some trinket or other at his craftsman table. He creates customers’ dream bling working with them every step of the way, from initial design to gem and metal selection to final cast (he’ll provide a 3D-printed plastic mold for your inspection and approval). Don’t lose hope: The perfect ring is out there, it just might not exist yet. (SA) 872 E. 900 South, Salt Lake City, 801-521-6026, 9thAnd9thJewelers.com

Best Place to Stash Your Ride Diamond Airport Parking

Getting to the airport can be a conundrum. A cab ride from downtown SLC to the airport will set you back around $30 with a tip. But then along comes Uber and Lyft, and a ride to the airport seems more fun and cheaper. But with upgrades and booking fees, maybe not greatly cheaper. And then there’s the lovely public option known as Trax that can’t always get you door to door. Guess what, Diamond Airport Parking has survived all these onslaughts because, at $5.99 per day (the current coupon rate for the North Temple lot), it is still cheaper and more convenient to park and ride, especially if you’re only going away for the weekend. Friendly drivers hustle your bags on and off the van with such promptness, you’ll feel like a VIP. And you can wash your car for free. (JW) 50 S. Redwood Road, Salt Lake City; 1969 W. North Temple, Salt Lake City, 801-355-7275, DiamondAirportParking.com

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2016: STAFF CHOICE

Best Season Ski Rental for Kids

It’s always a challenge to turn personal recipes into a small-batch business; it helps with the mission focus if that business has a cause as one of its reasons to exist. Proud pet-owners Deb Nahvi and Mindi Bridges have created a variety of hot sauces—combining tropical fruit flavors with habanero, Anaheim and jalapeño peppers—with rich and complex flavors for fans of spicing up their meals. But they’ve also dedicated a portion of all proceeds to animal-rescue organizations like Best Friends Animal Sanctuary and Ching Farm Rescue and Sanctuary. When your eyes are watering, at least a little will be from the emotion of doing a good deed. (SR) 801-865-2954, Yardbarkin.com

The SportsDen has been peddling awesome outdoor gear and serving up some of the most sound expertise about skiing in the Wasatch since 1972. The sport has changed a bit during those 44 years, if for no other reason than the high cost of hitting the slopes prevents a lot of normal folks from doing so. This is especially true for families.

The SportsDen, though, has a solution.

For $100, a child can get into new skis, boots and poles for the entire season.

This affordable rental circumvents the need to buy expensive equipment each year as children grow, and leaves more money in dad’s pocket for beer as kiddo slides downhill. (CF) 1350 S. Foothill Drive, Salt Lake City, 801-582-5611, SportsDen.com

Best Last Resort

Bubba for President at Eborn Books Along with being a treasure trove of new, rare and first-edition books, Eborn Books holds a kaleidoscope of odds and ends in its inventory.

Case in point: the Bubba for President plush available for purchase (sans batteries) for $15.

Released as an alternative to the 2000 presidential candidates, the wise-crackin’ bear comes loaded with phrases like “Did I say that?,” “What I said is not what you heard,” “If elected, I promise to make more promises” and “Read my lips … oops, I have none!” To recap, we now live in a world where a 16-year-old novelty toy is more charismatic than the alternative. (EL) 254 S. Main, Salt Lake City, 801-359-0460

LE C ARLIS

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D ER EK

Purple Paws program by Nuzzles & Co. Talk to domestic-violence survivors and many will tell you they put off leaving their abuser to protect their pets, which are often a target for abusers to inflict pain and exercise further control. Many domestic abuse shelters, already painfully strapped for cash and space, don’t have the space to house animals.

Park City-based rescue and pet shelter Nuzzles & Co. Rescue Ranch and Adoption Center saw a way of removing that barrier to safety for women and their children by providing care for their pets. Nuzzles’ president Kathleen Toth says that their Purple Paws program has helped 130 families fleeing abuse by housing their animals and providing in addition not only medical care but “vaccinations, socialization and TLC,” Toth says. In the face of Utah’s abovenational-average annual rate of DV murders, the fate of a pet might seem not so obvious a focus for concern, but as Toth and her colleagues know, it can mean life or death for their owners. (SD) 6699 N. Landmark Drive, Ste. B-103C, Park City, 435-649-6808, NuzzlesAndCo.org

Virtualities

In the 21st century, entertainment has become far more than a passive experience. Ryan Burningham has launched the first dedicated virtual-reality cinema and arcade in the U.S., with a variety of experiences to match visitor preferences. Put on the goggles to sit in a chair and experience a haunted house, or ride a rollercoaster where you can actually feel the g-force. Or pull out a virtual sword and battle zombies (or fight a space battle) in the arcade. Or just watch the customers have their experiences, which can be nearly as entertaining. (SR) The Gateway Mall, 86 S. Rio Grande St., upper level, 385-355-1997, Virtualities.co

Best In-Your-Face DV Campaign Utah 1 in 3

The striking, somber image of three women, one with an airbrushed hand on her face, dominated billboards this past summer. The campaign by the Utah Domestic Violence Coalition highlighted the statistic that 1 in 3 women in Utah experience domestic violence. DV is a topic rarely talked about in a state where so many public and private pressures combine to protect men and their patriarchal power, at the expense of the safety of women and children. The campaign, advocates say, proved a great launching pad for conversations among survivors, community members, faith leaders and policymakers about how Utah must do much more to address the domestic violence in its homes. (SD) 124 S. 400 East, Ste. 300, 801-521-5544, UDVC.org

Best Conversations Laced With Music The Yellow Stereo

KRCL has had their fair share of talk-and-music programming over the years, but none more indepth and fun with their guests than Tuesday nights during The Yellow Stereo. P.J. Guinto guides listeners through the evening with music hand-picked by his guests, who range from the insanely knowledgeable of music to the geekiest of the geeks. They're playing their favorite tunes and having the kind of talks you’d have around fire with beers and the radio on. (GS) Tuesdays, 10:30 p.m.-1 a.m., 90.9 FM, KRCL.org

The Best Place to Start Up that Startup Impact Hub

All it really takes to start a business today is an innovative idea, a computer and an internet connection—but it doesn’t hurt to set up shop in a hip space with several like-minded business owners. Impact Hub Salt Lake specializes in renting out affordable office space to small, tech-based businesses and helping them get the resources and networking that they need to succeed. Its flexible membership plans are designed to fit within a small company’s budget, and they’ve already helped hundreds of startups get off the ground. (AS) 150 S. State, Salt Lake City, 385-202-6008, SaltLake.ImpactHub.net

Best Family Tradition Launcher

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In 2014, Provo toy store Blickenstaff’s sought to create a way for families to make special occasions even more meaningful, by creating activities that could be enjoyed together. The result was Traditions in a Box, six conveniently packaged activity sets that can turn Halloween into a chance to learn about family history, or transform a one-day birthday into a two-week celebratory countdown, or make a time capsule out of the beginning of a new school year. The games, crafts and other fun bits and pieces create more special days, and make already-special days ones that are shared with even more purpose. (SR) 4801 N. University Ave., Provo, 801-426-9300, Blickenstaffs.com

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Blickenstaff’s Traditions in a Box

ENRIQUE LIMÓN

Best Love for Endangered Pets

SportsDen

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BEST OF UTAH 2016: STAFF CHOICE 2016: STAFF CHOICE

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2016: STAFF CHOICE BEST OF UTAH 2016: STAFF CHOICE

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ENRIQU

Best Confounding Film Critique Made by an LDS Higher-Up Garrett W. Gong on Pirates of the Caribbean

When a YouTuber under the name “Mormon Leaks” uploaded segments of videos that captured private LDS meetings, the faithful cringed (probably) while the rest gleefully watched and waited for the good parts (definitely).

Alas or not to worry, the footage wasn’t damning but damn boring and mostly stuff we already knew or would have expected. Burrowed in the videos are quirky or interesting nuggets, however. In Presidency of the Seventy member Garrett W. Gong’s take-down of high-sea plunderers, he inserts a clip from Disney’s Pirates of the Caribbean to highlight the glorification of pirates in pop culture, a liberal take on the 2003 Johnny Depp blockbuster megahit. “Though meant in fun,” Gong says, “[Depp’s character] Captain Jack makes pirating appear good and traditional authority appear silly.” Sure, Elder. He’s making authority appear silly.

(DWH)

Best Distraction from the Morning Grind

KRCL’s The Good Morning Show with Ebay Jamil Hamilton I had no idea that “Bring on the Dancing Horses” by Echo and the Bunnymen was exactly the right song to get me psyched up for another day at work until I heard it on The Good Morning Show. KRCL’s Ebay Jamil Hamilton is totally in sync with how I feel during my morning commute, and his music selections have gone on to inspire the Spotify playlists that get me through my workday. He rounds up all kinds of great tunes that wouldn’t occur to me as morning music until I hear them through my car stereo system as the city starts to wake up around me.

(AS) Weekdays, 8-11a.m., 90.9 FM, KRCL.org

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Best Sole Salvation

Podiatrist Elizabeth Auger

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E LIMÓN

BEST OF UTAH

Trump blow-up sex doll

Listen, we were all a little browbeaten on Election Night. It turns out the Mayans were wrong, and the end of civilization is actually Friday, Jan. 20. People have pent-up anger, I know, and venting on Facebook starts losing its magic the 27th time around. So, why not pound your sorrows away with the “Donald Chump” love doll ($47.99) available at the Sugar House Blue Boutique? “He screwed up politics, now you can screw him back!” the box—which includes a cut-out “Great Wall of Chump”—reads. The contents are even more frightening: plastic Trumpy, in all his Technicolor, shiny glory. Before grabbing him by the blow spout, the salesperson warns me, “Just so you know, these are non-refundable, even in Trump’s America.” She pauses, “So you’re stuck with him either way.” The things I do for my job. Hold on, I’m getting reimbursed for this, right? If not, this issue was rigged. (EL) 1383 E. 2100 South, Salt Lake City, 801-4852072, BlueBoutique.com

Our feet take a beating our whole lives, supporting our weight, enduring bad shoes, kicking the occasional ass and even going along with that silly half-marathon idea you had. So be kind to those puppies. If they cry out in pain, get them looked at. If you suffer from plantar fasciitis, an ingrown toenail or even a disturbing fungus, go see Dr. Elizabeth Auger. With 17 years of experience and offices across Salt Lake Valley, she’s not afraid to look at your sole. She is, in fact, capable, sympathetic, kind and non-judgmental. (JW) Multiple locations, 801-619-2170, SLCPodiatrist.com

Best Year-Round Arbor Day Apparel HipStitch

For many of us, our buying choices are increasingly becoming a way to express our values; we want products that come from sustainable sources, or represent a smaller carbon footprint. Conner Snyder has taken that notion a step further: For every HipStitch T-shirt sold, they’ll plant a tree. Initial designs feature the company logo in a variety of colors, or eye-catching graphics with progressive messages. Watch for the winter line—scheduled to add hoodies, sweatpants and more to the options—and build a forest while building your wardrobe. (SR) HipStitchClothing.com

Best Restaurant Blog Cucina Toscana

A lot of restaurants have blog pages on their websites. Very few are kept current.

The practice seems to be to write a few times in the early going, then the blogs get overrun with dust and cobwebs. Years go by without updates. (We could name names …) The folks at Cucina Toscana not only keep their blog up-to-date, but it’s chock-full of really useful information and advice. For example, Italian preservation methods was the topic for a recent post aimed at getting the most from your summertime and fall garden harvests. A primer on cooking Italian meats with wine is enlightening, as is "A Brief History of Italian Cuisine in America." Good job, Toscana bloggers. (TS) 282 S. 300 West, Salt Lake City, 801-328-3463, ToscanaSLC.com

Best Vintage Greetings

Discount greetings cards at TP Gallery After a near four-year stint at a paper like this one in New Mexico, I breathed a sigh of relief to be changing environs 180 degrees. Just my luck that City Weekly’s neighbor ended up being a Southwest retailer. Fine, I’ll admit that seeing the Zia symbol on their window as I was first walking into 248 S. Main made me feel right at home. Along with fine-art prints, silver jewelry, concho belts and kachina dolls, TP has a discount table with a bounty of deals featuring calendars from years past, $5 CDs (including one titled Santa Fe Sampler … yes!), and a host of vintage, pre-PC greeting cards at just .25 cents each. One gem equates turning 40 with passing gas, given that “You can try to keep it quiet, but the people closest to you always know!,” while another asks four burning questions in regards to turning the big 3-O: “How’s it feel?”; “What’s it like being 30?”; “Does 30 feel old?”; “Was it really tough to turn the big 3-O?” The “appropriate” responses? 1) Bite me! 2) Get bent! 3) Kiss my butt! and Stuff it, jerkface!! (EL) 252 S. Main, Salt Lake City, 801-364-2961, EBornBooks.com

COURTESY SL

2016: STAFF CHOICE

CCC

BEST OF UTAH

Best Place to Break Down Utahns’ Social Barriers Salt Lake Comic Con

For all its razzle-dazzle of endless booths and actors hawking signatures and photo ops, the greatest pleasure of twice-yearly Comic Con is how it builds bridges of communication in a city where people are notoriously uncomfortable with even saying good morning. Perhaps it’s the opportunity to wax lyrical over someone’s costume—a blonde haired, mature woman riffing on Hitchcock’s The Birds in a coat festooned with evil crows, was a particular stand-out in the September 2016 con—or simply the chance to converse with strangers over film posters or favorite comics, but Comic Con brings that rare burst of fresh air into Salt Lake’s often cramped, restricted social mores. (SD) SaltLakeComicCon.com

Best Special-Needs Travel Planning WinB Travel

If it seems as though the 21st century has made the role of the travel agent obsolete, you might not be thinking of it from the perspective of those whose travel planning doesn’t fit in a one-size-fits-all box—seniors, multi-generational families trying to travel together, people with disabilities or those with service animals. West Bountiful’s Winifred Barrett has dedicated her travel agency to asking and answering all the right questions for anyone who needs a specialized experience—and even those who don’t—to ensure that a beautiful vacation experience can be had by anyone and everyone. (SR) 801-209-3438, WinBTravel.com

Best Sounds of Summer

Bingham Canyon Fourth of July Pancake Breakfast

Best Earworm

“Stuck” by The Aces

NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 61

What a fitting title for this poppy, summer road-trip kind of song that will be stuck in your head for days after listening to it. Worse things could happen, though. The Aces (formerly The Blue Aces) recently rebranded themselves with a more mature name and a sound, but the Utah County-based band has been killing it in the local music scene since their preteen days, and that experience totally shows. “Stuck,” their debut single post-rebranding, is an earworm you won’t mind. The band already won Best Pop Act in City Weekly’s Best of Utah Music 2016, and they deserve another shout-out because, no doubt, these ladies are going somewhere, and fast. (AH) TheAcesOfficial.com

CITYWEEKLY.NET

The Lions’ Club annual breakfast in Copperton every Independence Day is not simply an opportunity for the survivors of long-gone but far-fromforgotten Bingham Canyon to gather over eggs and pancakes and stories.

It’s also about celebrating the future of Copperton, whether through fundraising for Lions’ local charity efforts or reveling in the joy of neighborhood kids as they take part in all the races you recall from your childhood— everything from sprints to burlap sack races. The kids’ laughter and the cheering of parents and grandparents sounds a note of simple pleasures and civility you might be hard-pressed to find elsewhere in the valley. (SD) E-ClubHouse.org/Sites/BinghamC

2016: STAFF CHOICE

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Best Nerdy Podcast that Isn’t Fueled by Alcohol Hold 322

A member of the DefenMedia podcast family, Hold 322 brings together some of SLC’s smartest geeks and knowledgeable nerds to discuss and get excited over the geeky items of the week.

JC Carter, J.M. Bell, Robert Easton, Thom Floyd, Robert J. Defendi and Holly Braithwaite hold off on the usual trend of podcast drinking until the end of the program, as they gush over films, comics, video games, literature, television and more. Be ready for spoilers smothered with love. (GS) Hold322.DefenMedia.com

Best Group to be Divorced Around Divorcée Café

Divorce sucks. No doubt about that. But Divorcée Café makes it a little better. On the first Wednesday of every month, local divorce coach Elif Ekin turns her 7th & Seventh Street Studio into a day-long hub of support services for those going through divorce. The list of specialists who attend is long, and fluctuates each month, but typically include a divorce lawyer, family therapist, financial consultant, health coach, massage therapist, acupuncturist, energy healer, card reader and hypnotist, among many others. And it’s all free. As to why she does it, Ekin says she is all too familiar with the stress and emotional strain that comes with divorce. “If we can make the process just a little bit easier for someone else because of our own experiences, then our struggles and lessons will not have been in vain,” she says. (AH) 645 E. 700 South, Salt Lake city, 801-674-7047, DivorceeCafeConversations.com

Best/Worst New Pick-Up Line

Bike Prom

Prom just isn’t prom anymore when you’re out of high school. But there are still many who wish to relive those kind of moments, or experience them for the first time. In SLC we’re lucky to have that kind of experience for anyone who wishes to do it, and all they need is a date and a bike. Starting in a local park and arriving at a giant dance somewhere in downtown SLC, the Bike Prom offers an oldschool way of taking your date out on the town and getting in a memorable slow dance at the end. The seventh annual prom will happen this June. (GS) BikeProm.com

Best Plant Pioneers Glover Nursery

The massive 10-acre lot where Glover Nursery sits has been its home for more than 30 years, but the history of nurseries run by the Glover family members dates back to the 19th century, and the pioneering James Albert Glover, who was one of the earliest importers of non-native trees and shrubs to Utah. That tradition has continued through five generations of Glovers, providing a massive range of plants. Visit their blog for a monthly newsletter with wonderful tips on when to plant and how to care for anything you might be considering for your landscaping. (SR) 9275 S. 1300 West, West Jordan, 801-562-5496, GloverNursery.com

Best Outreach Programs for New Filmmakers The Davey Foundation

Currently in its fourth year, The Davey Foundation works to provide emerging artists a program where they can learn and mature their skills in an effort to bring more original art to the masses.

Named after the late actor/director/musician David Fetzer, the foundation showcases film festivals of work produced by aspiring directors, as well as offering grants in film and theatre to help fund future projects by extraordinary individuals.

Fetzer’s creative force lives on in these people, giving our city more art to be shared. (GS) TheDaveyFoundation.org

Sheez, what a bunch of sickos you are! (We’re stealing every line and keeping them for ourselves, however. Thank you very much.)

Here’s a sampling of the tame and printable, suitable for a family publication such as this: “You want some fries with that shake?”

“Hi, I’m a test pilot for the Supreme Court.”

“Hi, I’m Clarence. Know where I can buy a Coke?”

“Confess your sins and I’ll give you candy.”

“I’m stressed. Let’s relax together.”

“Can I teach you to be politically correct?”

“Are you lost? Do you want to be?”

“I have a tongue like an electric eel on speed.”

“Can I apply rotation to your sugar-plums?”

Best Alternative to Milquetoast Theatrical Releases That’s Not Netflix-and-Chill

The Salt Lake Film Society’s Summer Late Nights Art houses will always crush theater chains when it comes to quality films and special events, like the Salt Lake Film Society holds year-round. Especially during the summer, when you can see a classic film (Clerks, A Clockwork Orange, Blade Runner) every Friday and Saturday night, and at noon on Sundays. It satisfies cinephiles of all ages. Oldsters gets nostalgia, and younger movie buffs get to see the great films the way they were meant to be seen: On the big screen, with their little screens in their pockets and ushers to tell their friends to stop talking. Oh, yeah—a shout-out to the Cinemark Classic Movies Series for keeping the fun going year-round, even if they are corporate. (RH) 801-321-0310, SaltLakeFilmSociety.org

Best Old-School Show Always on The Go Grassroots Shakespeare Co.

Hearkening back to the days when theater companies were still traveling countrysides like the circus, Grassroots Shakespeare brings the works of one of history’s greatest playwrights all across Utah. Performing everywhere from grand theaters to high schools to public parks, you’re given a taste of what it was like for classically trained actors did to make a living, while seeing a fabulously performed adaptation of King Lear or Romeo and Juliet. This isn’t just works being read, it’s live theatre being experienced. (GS) 707-722-7529, GrassrootsShakespeare.com

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Best Fun on Wheels The Big Gay Fun Bus

NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 63

It’s big, it’s loud and it’s fun as all get-out. Billed as the “most raucous and irreverent charity trip in town,” the Big Gay Fun Bus along with the Matrons of Mayhem host regular, feather boa clad daytrips to Wendover to get your gamblin’ and rib buffet on (hey, if we’re all going to hell anyway, we might as well hit all the bases). Tickets are $25 and sell out quick, so make sure to get in on the Jell-Oshot-infused fun early. Next one up is the “Winter Wonderland” trip on Saturday, Dec. 3, which is guaranteed to put the mistle in your toe. Ooh, is that a carrot in your pocket, drag queen Frosty, or are you just happy to see me? (EL) BigGayFunBus.com

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COURTESY MATRONS OF MAYHEM

Recycling glass is one way to keep empty bottles out of the landfill; another way is to turn those empties into practical works of art that you make use of every day. Zachary Martinez got the concept from an Etsy purchase, but thought he could improve upon the rims of the glasses which, while not sharpglass dangerous, seemed merely functional. Try a tumbler made from a Grey Goose Vodka bottle, or decorate a room with a hanging pendant light created from a bottle of Bombay Sapphire gin. (SR) ZaxWorx.com

BEST OF UTAH 2016: STAFF CHOICE 2016: STAFF CHOICE

ZaxWorx

CLASS OF 1992

Best Eco-Friendly Date with Your Sweetie

BEST OF UTAH

Best Empty Bottle Upcycling

TODD BROWNSTEIN

2016: STAFF CHOICE BEST OF UTAH

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Best Reason to Get Rid of your Backpack Velo City Bags

If words like “double-stitched two-layered Cordura Bottom,” and “18-ounce weather-proof floating vinyl liner” make you happy, then it’s quite possible that a messenger bag, rucksack, roll top backpack or fanny pack made by Velo City Bags is in your future. These bags are ridiculously cool, and they’re handmade right here in Salt Lake City by the company’s founder, bag maker, designer and owner, Nathan Larsen. Stop into Velo’s brick-and-mortar store on Pierpont Avenue, or catch Larsen with his wares at a local festival. Rather than guaranteeing his products in their fight against foul weather and such, Larsen ought to guarantee that anyone who looks closely at his bags will give the one they’re wearing away so they can buy a Velo. (CF) 341 W. Pierpont Ave., Ste. 2, 385-202-4181, VeloCityBags.com

Best Aquatic Mammal Legend

The claim is that around 1875, ever-entrepreneurial James Wickham thought that if whales thrive in capacious bodies of saline water, why not dump a couple of the mammals in Utah’s largest brine pool, the Great Salt Lake.

And so, he successfully relocated two from the coast of Australia. In similarly headlined pieces, both daily newspapers have questioned the story’s veracity.

Delivering whales from the San Francisco bay to the Salt Lake Valley by rail would have been a Herculean endeavor, after all. That doesn’t stop recurring whale-sighting rumors from surfacing, according to the Loveland Living Planet Aquarium, which posted this year a cheesy fact-or-fiction video online.

The University of Utah includes a truncated version of the story on its biology department website’s “About Us” section that concludes if whales were dumped into the Great Salt Lake, they probably died. A more comprehensive telling can be found in Lost Landscapes: Utah’s Ghost Stories, Mysterious Creatures, and Aliens by local author Linda Dunning. (DWH) 12033 Lone Peak Parkway., Draper, 801-355-3474, TheLivingPlanet.com

Best Outdoor Sport you can Play Indoors Top Golf

A sports bar is a sports bar is a sports bar—except when it’s all about a single sport: golf. And a driving range is a driving range—except when you can do all the fun stuff you usually do on an actual golf course. Chief among those: In the third-floor bays, you can drink. And get this: You can do all the things you do after golf—like watch TV and eat—while you crank little white balls into big black nets in your own private bay. In addition, if you’re not into golf, or you’re just done swinging for the day, you can play pool, foosball, ball pong and Xbox Kinect games. (RH) 920 Jordan River Blvd., Midvale, 801-208-2600, TopGolf.com

Best Custom Bike Fenders Venn Studio

In the winter of 2015, Matthew Sutton and Danielle Hadley recognized a serious gap in the bike marketplace: The options for bike fenders, as Matthew puts it, were “plain, black and [relatively] cheap on one end of the spectrum … and expensive, handmade wood on the other.” Their goal was to produce a stylish but inexpensive alternative, so they worked in their spare time toward a debut at the 2016 Craft Lake City DIY Festival. The colorful, custom-made resin fenders—produced from reclaimed materials—allow for a stamp of personality where bland practicality previously ruled. (SR) VennStudio.com

Best Waste Management Poochee Poo Bagg

Utah dog-owners love taking their canine friends into the beautiful local scenery; they’re far less enamored of having to handle the fragrant packages those friends occasionally leave behind. It becomes a lot easier to deal with animal waste when you can wear it around your waist, in a stylish polyester pouch with a water-resistant interior for storing the stuff until

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2016: STAFF CHOICE

For the professional wrestling fan who needs a taste of action and excitement in a live setting, UCWZero has been filling that void for nearly 15 years as Utah’s biggest promotion. With a school and small arena run out of the Rose Park area, fans and athletes have the ability to watch weekly live shows featuring homegrown talent, as well as be able to train to become part of the organization. Make a sign and enjoy the spectacle every Saturday night. (GS) 47 Orange St., Ste. E2, Salt Lake City, 801-699-7977, UCWZero.com

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UCW-Zero

you can get back home. And a second compartment provides a place for the scooper bags you need to take care of business. (SR) PoocheePooBagg.com

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The OG

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NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 67

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Despite the famous sing-songy rhyme, I have never screamed for ice cream. That is, not until BJ Buckets. I know what you’re thinking, so let me just stop you right there. You’re asking yourself, “How could any ice cream be that good?” Well, I’ll answer your question with another question: Have you ever gotten a BJ Bucket full of Mother Lode? I didn’t think so, buddy. BJ Buckets offers a slew of flavors and styles, including “notorious” handmade shakes and sumptuous sundaes with “creamy ice cream and warm, gooey sauce.” When it comes to delectable dairy delights, there’s no better place in Utah to blow your wad (of cash). (RC) 55 W. Center St., Ste. 3, Logan, 435-535-3076, BJBucketsLogan.com

Best New Hipster Cocktail Bar

Best Balls

With colorful posters depicting iconic musicians adorning its walls, classic rock playing in the background and an interchangeable menu of crafty cocktails with quirky names, 7-month-young Good Grammar has already earned its keep among downtown’s bustling nightlife. The only basic thing about it is the name of the cocktail I tried. Ironically, I went out of my comfort zone in ordering what they call The Basic Bi$h ($10)—a concoction of rye bourbon, fernet, pumpkin spice and bitters, sprinkled with freshly ground cinnamon in a coup glass, which, as expert bartender Joshua Edwards informs me, allows you to fully intake its “bouquet of flavors.” I wouldn’t consider myself a pumpkin spice-loving basic bitch, but for this fresh-tasting creation I’m willing to convert. (AH) 69 E. Gallivan Ave., Salt Lake City, 385-415-5002 GoodGrammar.bar

Although Philly native Joanne Rendi is best known for her excellent cheesesteaks served at Moochie’s Meatballs & More, those in-theknow also adore her marvelous meatballs.

In fact, Diner’s, Drive-Ins and Dives host Guy Fieri was impressed byMoochie’s meatball sub enough to remark that it will “knock your head off.” The jumbo-sized, handmade meatballs are sensational in Moochie’s standard meatball sub, with housemade marinara and provolone cheese.

But you can also enjoy those meaty balls on a Mediterranean salad with spaghetti, or in the jalapeño-spiked “Atomic Meatball” sub. (TS) Multiple locations, MoochiesMeatballs.com

Tacos de Lengua at El Pais time I ate at one I thought I was hot shit the first ng up along the spru e hav that of the taco stands that spans 800 and small stretch of State Street to these small and s trip ral seve r 900 South. Afte ts, I decided to spo incredibly affordable lunch taco made with a out try and bit a up my game s that I tried, taco ue beef tongue. Of all the tong smother they do only ot t—n bes it s El Pais a doe cheese, and ns bea o their tacos ($3-$4) with pint f tongue bee of n tatio rpre inte lar ticu but their par t than, well, beef tastes more like mom’s pot roas ) tongue. (AS 900 S. State, Salt Lake City

Best Wurst Name for a Sandwich

68 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

Der Kommissar at Ice Haus Leave it to Dave Morris, the witty owner of Ice Haus, to come up with delightfully bad pun for his German-influenced wrap. “Well, it’s a wrap and it’s German. The only German rap I know is Der Kommissar by Falco,” he says. At $9, the Der Kommissar is a flavorful and filling combination of diced vegan Kielbasa grilled with onions, peppers, mushrooms and melted vegan cheese topped with sauerkraut and German mustard and neatly wrapped in a spinach tortilla. Served with fries, tots or a side salad, it’s a tasty way to eat your veggies—but just try and get Falco out of your head afterward. (AR) 7 E. 4800 South, Murray, 801-266-2127, IceHausBar.com

Moochie’s Meatballs & More

Best Bucket-List Food Pilgrimage Hell’s Backbone Grill

There’s something magical going on in Boulder, Utah (population 222), with the enchantment epicenter sited squarely at Hell’s Backbone Grill. Famous for its intentional isolation, Boulder serves as host to one of Utah’s consistently highest rated restaurants run by chef/ owners Jen Castle and Blake Spalding. Sure, the food is pretty damn delightful and annually gains applause from state, national and international critics, but the true character of Hell’s Backbone Grill shines directly from Castle and Spalding’s immersion in this simultaneously hard-scrabble and spectacular place as both inspiration for and source of many of their ingredients. Sit your roadweary ass down in the sunny dining room and get ready to settle into one of the finest meals you’ll have in the lower 48. (DD) 20 N. Highway 12, Boulder, 435-335-7464, HellsBackboneGrill.com

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Best Place to Exacerbate your Emotional Eating Problem Ruby Snap

Ruby Snap really knows their clientele. Fat guys are lonely. When we can’t cuddle up to a sweet-spirited young woman with cascading curls and a pleasing scent, we substitute food—like soft, delicious cookies that also smell awesome. So Ruby Snap goes and gives all their cookies female names like Nina and Vivianna. That’s just sinister. They’re preying on the weaknesses of the hungry and lonely. And there’s only one cookie named for a dude. I’m strangely attracted to Thomas, with his crisp exterior, soft interior and maple-bacon-chocolate-sea salt musk.

Er … anyway … check your privilege, Ruby Snap, and serve the whole community with new menu items like the Enrique Limón and the John Sea-Saltas.

And how about one for ol’ Randito? (RH) 770 S. 300 West, Salt Lake City, 801-834-6111, RubySnap.com

Best Answered Prayers

Chicken IN Waffle at Penny Ann’s Yes, they capitalize the word IN and for good reason. You gotta hand it to Penny Ann’s Café; it’d be easy to rest on their “heavenly pancakes” laurels, but this recent addition to their menu (only about two weeks old as of press time), really takes the cake. Imagine, if you will, a goldenbrown waffle infused with actual pieces of fried boneless chicken in its batter. For added wow factor, they then dust it with powdered sugar and top it with hearty schmear of real butter. Take a moment to let that sink in. Hell, lick the picture if you’re so inclined. No judgement here. (EL) Multiple locations, PennyAnnsCafe.com

ENRIQUE LIMÓN

Good Grammar

Best Tongue Action a

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68 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

BJ Buckets

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2016: STAFF CHOICE BEST OF UTAH 2016: STAFF CHOICE

Best Ice Cream that Comes in a Bucket

725 E. 3300 S. SLC (801) 803-9434

2223 S. Highland Dr. SLC (385) 415-2100

JOHN TA YLOR

slcshawarmaking.com

Best Serenading and Sandwiches Feldman’s Deli

You’ve no doubt heard of singing for your supper, but at Feldman’s Deli, the proprietor actually sings to you during your supper. Yes, that right: On Friday nights, Michael Feldman can be heard pounding out ballads and blues on his guitar while greeting and thanking customers as they pass by. Dang, he’s good! You have to wonder how the kitchen can produce such divinely inspired New York deli-style sandwiches and soups while he’s crooning at the mic. Maybe his “silent” partner and wife, Janet, has something to do with it? Together, they make beautiful music in and out of the kitchen. (JW) 2005 E. 2700 South, Salt Lake City, 801-906-0369, FeldmansDeli.com

2016: STAFF CHOICE

Middle Eastern Cuisine

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King Shawarma

SALT LAKE ROASTING CO. We feature Fair Trade Organic coffee roasted every night from over 25 origins in Central & South America, Africa & Indonesia.

ALL OUR COFFEES AVAILABLE ‘BY THE CUP’

Best Sunday Afternoon Dim Sum Red Maple Chinese

Weekends were made for dim sum. Nothing beats a leisurely brunch at the Red Maple on any given Saturday or Sunday from 10 a.m.2 p.m. The service is prompt and efficient, and the tasty dishes will have you wanting more in weeks to come. Sit back and await a parade of carts to stop at your table and tempt you with chive dumplings, deep-fried shumai, and, for the brave: fried chicken feet.

Leave room for sesame balls for dessert. (JW) 2882 W. 4700 South, Taylorsville, 801-747-2888, RedMapleChinese.com

The Hive

‘IN HOUSE’ PASTRIES • ESPRESSO BAR DAILY MENU FEATURING THE FRESHEST INGREDIENTS Get someone you love a RoCo Gift Card this Holiday Season or some coffee from around the world. downtown • 320 E. 400 S. | Library Square • 210 E. 400 S.

roasting.com

watch for our new location - 820 e. 400 s.

NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 69

Centennial Park, a decades-old breakaway from the FLDS, resides literally across the border from the dusty streets and uncompleted houses of Warren Jeffs’ onetime stronghold. Centennial’s leaders are far more savvy and accommodating when it comes to business with the outside world. Their supermarket, Bees Marketplace, stocks wine and beer and next door to it is the only place currently in what’s collectively and affectionately called “The Crik,” where you can dine al fresco. The Hive is but a humble shack, but it serves up delicious haddock and chips, burgers and coffees. While you munch away, gaze upon the breathtaking red-rock landscape around you under the beautiful wide, blue sky, and you'll realize that as far as views go, The Hive is absolutely unsurpassed. (SD) 1725 South Central St., Centennial, AZ, 928-875-2323, Facebook.com/ BeesMarketPlace

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Best Outdoor Dining at “The Crik”

Pesto Chicken over Zucchini Noodles!

Murray 801-938-8307 | 5470 S 900 East

Other Locations Sugarhouse 801-467-2130 2121 S McClelland Street

Farmington/Station Park 801-451-8273 112 N West Promontory

o s o i c i l e D

CousCousGrillExpress.com ENRIQUE LIMÓN

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Delicious Shwarma Salad!

Mediterranean Burrito!

Best Home-Cooked Gas Station Food Kevin’s Fried Chicken

Near the corner of Century Drive and 4500 South lies a trifecta of gas stops that live up to the filling station title. There’s the ritzy Texaco, where you can load up on some premium and fare from its Green Chile Grill and the neighboring Chevron where you can leave with both a tank full of Plus (with Techron®) and a belly full of extra-long cheeseburgers from their in-house Burger King. The real gangster of the neighborhood however, is the Exxon station, where you can fill up on some downhome regular unleaded and a hand-crafted meal not usually equated with such environs. An underground staple for 14 years, Kevin’s Fried Chicken has perfected the game with their family dinner deals, individual sandwiches and combo meals so good they’d make Colonel Sanders turn over in his grave, resuscitate and then apply for a kitchen mentorship in zombie form. Please don’t bite me, walker Sanders. Bite into a two-piece combo meal—which comes with a deep-fried thigh and drumstick, plus a salad, biscuit, three “potato logs” and a drink for a measly $6.75—instead. (EL) 524 W. 4500 South, Murray, 801-293-9559

Best Fish Waffles

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Utah Taiyaki

Most Americans likely aren’t familiar with taiyaki, a traditional Japanese edible delight that consists of waffle batter in a delightfully plump fish shape, stuffed with tasty fillings. Michael Goldman brought the idea back from a Japanese trip, and now has brought his taiyaki truck to Utah. For a really traditional experience, try them filled with sweetened red-bean paste. Or, to ease your way into it, enjoy them like a great big cream puff filled with vanilla custard. (SR)

UtahTaiyaki.com

Best Place to Discuss Cremation While Waiting for Your Pizza to Come Out of the Oven Neptune Society

204 E. 500 S. SLC | Cannellasrestaurant.com | 801.355.8518

If you go off the Hot-N-Ready menu at Little Caesar’s, you’re gonna have some time to kill. At the Sugar House location, while your allsauce pizza’s in the oven, why not shuffle next door and visit the Neptune Society and see what’s cookin’ in their kilns? Now, hold on: The Neptunes’ (no relation to Pharrell Williams) final resting furnaces are off-site, so this is strictly an info-gathering excursion. But if you wanna cheat the devil and burn before he knows you’re dead, these folks can help with pre-planning services or more immediate needs, like—Yes! Pizza’s ready. Gotta go. (RH) 2120 S. 700 East, Salt Lake City, Ste. C, 801-484-0392, NeptuneSociety.com

CLASS OF 1989 Britton’s

If you’re seeking a downhome, mom-and-pop breakfast spot in Sandy, Britton’s is your place.

Britton’s three-egg omelets are simply the best, including the namesake Britton (sautéed mushrooms, onions and bacon, topped with Hollandaise sauce); the Southwest (jalapeños, black beans, tomatoes, Cheddar cheese, salsa, sour cream and avocado); and the Cordon Bleu (diced ham with Swiss cheese on the inside, topped with Hollandaise sauce)—to name a few. A final tip? Arrive early (7:30ish) before it gets busy and your servers will have fun with you, maybe even dance a little jig. (JW) 694 Union Square, Sandy, 801-5725148, BrittonsRestaurant.com

Best Neapolitan Pizza Ti Amo

Pizza lovers all have their favorite styles of pizza pie: Chicago, NYC, California gourmet, New Haven, Hawaiian and so on. An authentic Neapolitan pie is a symphony of simplicity in which nothing but the very best ingredients—flour, yeast, San Marzano tomatoes and fresh mozzarella—will do. Those ingredients, plus flawless wood-fired oven technique, is what you get with a pizza at Bountiful’s Ti Amo pizzeria. Master pizzaiolo Mauro Bonfanti and his family create pizzas that would be the envy of the best Italy has to offer. (TS) 515 W. 2600 South, Bountiful, 801-294-5180, TiAmoPizza.co

JOHN TA YLOR

Best Coffee House for Coffee Drinkers

Mestizo Coffee House

Embedded in one of Salt Lake’s most diverse and vibrant neighborhoods, Mestizo opened its doors just months before the economy melted down in 2008. If not for the rich community it serves, it would have folded with the countless others during the economic collapse. A nonprofit community art collective and coffee house, Mestizo highlights and celebrates the best of Salt Lake City and does so from its often marginalized west side.

“We really pride ourselves in celebrating cultures of all kinds, and identities of all kinds,” employee Sergio Martinez says. (WP) 631 W. North Temple, Salt Lake City, 801-596-0500, MestizoCoffeeHouse.com

with a Soul Best Grease Joint

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Ogies Café

Best Spicy Vegan Breakfasts Chabaar Beyond Thai

Mom’s Kitchen

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Anny Sooksri, the personable owner of Chabaar Beyond Thai, knows how to take care of people— especially those who crave delicious Thai food, spice and tasty vegan meals. Thai cooks know that “vegan” is not synonymous with bland. Try the Vegan Joke, a traditional breakfast made with rice, tofu, veggies, ginger and cilantro. The vegan “omelet” is a more of a rice-flour crepe with Pad Thai (cubed tofu, bean sprouts, sliced cucumbers and carrots and crushed peanuts) on top. Ask the cook to spice things up in the kitchen (but beware of anything over “level 1”) or request some chili sauce on the side. (JW) 87 W. 7200 South, Midvale, 801-566-5100, AnnysTakeOnThai.com

Best Ticket to a Taiwanese Mom’s Table

Best Filet Mignon Pho

This unassuming Vietnamese restaurant is a State Street gem. While it serves a variety of Asian dishes, its pho is among the best in town. There are 13 types to choose from, and depending on your hunger, you can go for small-, medium- or large-size bowls. The golden broth is infused with cinnamon, anise, black cardamom and ginger and served with rice noodles, lime, bean sprouts, cilantro, basil and peppers. If you eat meat, you must order the filet mignon pho. The meat is so tender, it melts in your mouth. Here, you can have your steak and slurp it, too. (JW) 7640 S. State, Midvale, 801-889-4090, Pho33Utah.com

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Pho 33

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Run by Mama Zhang from Beijing, and Mama Chen from Taiwan, the reason we keep returning to this small paradise of Taiwanese and Chinese food on State Street is first and foremost the warmth that it exudes. You can hear the mothers working in the kitchen and feel the fragrant steam from their cooking and conversation wafting around the tables to the soundtrack of Chinese TV on a flatscreen on the wall. With a menu that includes housemade buns, spicy noodle dishes and fried dumplings that are a heavenly delight, the two chefs make every visit to their restaurant a culinary adventure of unusual, intriguing flavors, delicate yet generous dishes. But it’s that indefinable warmth, threaded through with smells of cooking and family love that make this unassuming eatery a jewel in Utah’s crown. (SD) 2233 S. State, Salt Lake City, 801-4860092, MomsKitchenSaltLakeCity.com

There’s nothing like closing a deal with a toast and Green Street is the place to do it. The Alta Club is for the power demons; Green Street is for the masses. Pull out your Cross Pen and check off any of Green Street’s quality lunches, several approved by the American Heart Association. Teriyaki or lemon-pepper chicken are a must and so is their stir-fry. Their soups are always tempting. As for appetizers, Green Street offers a complete list of finger food headed by chicken fingers in a perfect sauce. There are many reasons that Green Street is Utah’s favorite private club and quality food and service are two of them. Cleanliness that borders on extreme is another. If you can’t impress a client enough to close him here, go back to school.

BEST OF UTAH 2016: STAFF CHOICE 2016: STAFF CHOICE

GREEN STREET

BEST OF UTAH

Best Business Lunch and Appetizers

Best South Valley Omelets

2016: STAFF CHOICE BEST OF UTAH

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LOCALLY OWNED AND OPERATED NOW S ERVIN G

LUNCH

8256 SOUTH 700 EAST • SANDY (801) 255-1200

707 E. FORT UNION BLVD. • MIDVALE

(801) 748- 1300

7680 S UNION PARK AVE • MIDVALE (801) 569-4645

HOLIDAY GIFT CERTIFICATE PROMOTION!

PURCHASE TWO $50 GIFT CERTIFICATES AND RECEIVE THREE COMPLIMENTARY GIFT CERTIFICATES

PURCHASE TWO $30 GIFT CERTIFICATES AND RECEIVE THREE COMPLIMENTARY GIFT CERTIFICATES

$25 for Tiburon $25 for Hoof & Vine $15 for Epic

$25 for Tiburon $25 for Hoof & Vine $15 for Epic

Not Valid Day of Purchase. Complimentary Gift Certifi cates Not Valid with any other off ers. Only one Complimentary Gift certificate per visit per table

Not Valid Day of Purchase. Complimentary Gift Certifi cates Not Valid with any other off ers. Only one Complimentary Gift certificate per visit per table

PURCHASE TWO $50 GIFT CERTIFICATES AND RECEIVE THREE COMPLIMENTARY GIFT CERTIFICATES $25 for Tiburon $25 for Hoof & Vine $15 for Epic Not Valid Day of Purchase. Complimentary Gift Certifi cates Not Valid with any other off ers. Only one Complimentary Gift certificate per visit per table

BOOKING HOLIDAY PARTIES NOW • RESERVATIONS RECOMMENDED

BEST OF UTAH

JOHN TAYLOR

2016: STAFF CHOICE

Best Beer and Burgers Done Proper Proper Brewing and Proper Burger

The Avenues Proper & Publick House restaurant and brewery on Eighth Avenue remains a forward-thinking neighborhood staple. As it has found its footing in the local dining and brewing scene, though, its owners were plotting big. The fruits of these dreams culminated last spring when the Proper compound—Proper Brewing Co. and Proper Burger—opened on Main Street. With a flurry of beers on draft, 22-ounce bottle offerings of unique and tasty higher-alcohol options, and a robust menu of creative burgers, the new joint is a must-see, and a proper addition to Main Street. (CF) 865 Main, Salt Lake City, 801-906-8607, ProperBrewingCo.com

Best Barbecue Return

Charlotte-Rose’s Carolina BBQ

AWARD WINNING CHINESE FOOD!

Best Dessert that Sounds Like a Rock Star The Dirty Johnny at The Baking Hive

Reservations (8+) and Call Ahead Seating GLUTEN & WHEAT-FREE ITEMS AVAILABLE

348 East 900 North in Bountiful Open 5pm Monday - Thursday

801.298.2406

4:30pm Friday - Saturday

mandarinutah.com

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There are a zillion reasons to fall in love with this East Millcreek bakery. Owner Elisa Barber teaches baking classes to little kids, she knows all of her customers by name and is genuinely happy to see them when they visit. I have never been disappointed with The Baking Hive’s selection of cakes, cookies and bars, but Barber makes one item in particular that is nothing less than a celebration of sweetness. It’s called the Dirty Johnny ($3.95), and it’s some kind of sorcerous union between a cookie and a brownie, coiffed with about two inches of silky chocolate frosting. It’s the Elvis Presley of baked goods. (AS) 3362 S. 2300 East, 801-419-0187, BakingHive.com

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A slew of setbacks and poorly timed road construction forced Trae Eller to close his Southern comfort eatery near Smith’s Ballpark in 2014, but ardent fans of Charlotte-Rose’s Carolina BBQ never gave up hope that Eller would be able to regroup and continue to dish out barbecue goodness. Now he’s opened up shop in Bluffdale and stuffing bellies once again. Help yourself to a pile of tender, tender meat (ribs, pulled pork or pulled chicken) with a combination plate, or try the Southwestern-y Redneck Tacos: two flour tortillas filled with cheddar cheese, red rice, coleslaw, one of several housemade sauces and, of course, your choice of protein.

There are plenty of side dishes to accompany your feast, but for a true taste of the South, the sweet potato casserole is a must. Top it off with a helping of peach cobbler and you’ll be set, I’ll tell you what. (SA) 14587 S. 790 West, Bluffdale, 919-244-6604, Facebook.com/ CharlotteRosesCarolinaBBQ

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LEGENDARY SPORTS DESTINATION

PROUDLY SERVING LOCALLY MADE BEERS • SPIRITS • FRESH MADE FOOD 677 SOUTH 200 WEST | 801.355.3598

JOHN TAYLOR

JOHN TA YLOR

BEST OF UTAH 2016: STAFF CHOICE 2016: STAFF CHOICE

BEST OF UTAH

Best Breakfast of Hungover Champions Rye Diner & Drinks

Park City restaurateur Bill White might mostly be known for his upscale, refined restaurants such as Wahso, Grappa, Sushi Blue and Chimayo. But his namesake Billy Blanco’s Motor City Mexican Burger & Taco Garage shines a light on a side of White not often seen. He’s a true motorhead from the Detroit area, who loves cars, motorcycles and anything

Best Pad Thai, Like, Ever Pleiku

If you like it saucy, with the perfect amount of spice, and super tender chicken or shrimp, get it at Pleiku—one of downtown SLC’s newest Thai restaurants. For a huge serving that you likely won’t finish in one sitting, it’s $9, plus $1 extra for chicken and another $1 extra for shrimp (definitely go for both). For me, the more sauce, the better.

But fair warning for those who disagree: This dish is drowning in a sweet and spicy sauce. There’s also egg, green onion, sprouts, shredded carrot and cabbage, cilantro, red chilies, peanuts and a lime wedge. I’ve had pad Thai from many places, and this is my personal favorite, not just in Utah but anywhere. My only complaint? They’re not open on Sundays. (AH) 264 S. Main, Salt Lake City, 801-359-4544

ÓN

Best Downtown Comeback Apollo Burger

“Does Apollo serve breakfast? I’m confused,” a recent text from a City Weekly manager read. It came after an invite by the big boss for breakfast.

Turns out, they do serve breakfast and they serve it right. Following a revamping of the space long occupied by Royal Eatery, Apollo came in and retook the good-grub-done-right crown. Whether you go with the Pancake Breakfast ($6.49), two buttermilk flapjacks, two eggs, your choice of bacon, sausage ham or gyro meat, or the Mt. Apollo ($7.99), three eggs over your choice of meat layered with cheese and served on a mountain of country potatoes, you’ll leave satisfied. In the mood for something heartier? Give their original bad boy—the hulking Apollo Burger ($5.99)—a go. Everyone knows Apollo is the god of knowledge, music and archery.

Someone please alter his Wikipedia entry and add pastrami burgers as well. (EL) 379 S. Main, Salt Lake City, 801-532-4301

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Billy Blanco’s

Harvest season brings Utah Eat Local Week, a tasty challenge encouraging folks to enjoy eating locally grown, raised and produced food. Sign up for the challenge on their website where you can participate in the recipe contest and other fun foodie events. “Eating local is about more than mileage, it’s about meeting all the wonderful farmers and food producers who grow the great local food we have in Utah.” says Gwen Crist, chairperson of Utah Eat Local Week and Slow Food Utah. “Utah Eat Local Week is about living more closely in your community and helping create a bright future for us all.” (AR) EatLocalWeek.org

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Best Motor City Madness

Utah Eat Local Week

CITYWEEKLY.NET

There’s something to be said for an eatery we revisit on the regular, even when the site of last night’s live music debauchery resides right next door. Such is our relationship with Rye, where we might not be able to look neighbor Urban Lounge right in the face quite yet, but we’ll don our shades, slouch bleary-eyed into a booth, clutch a steaming mug of java, and order the International B-fast of Hungover Champions: a rice bowl with crispy-salty pork belly, an egg your way, and Rye’s addictive housemade kimchi. A play on that soul-satisfying Korean classic bibimbap that makes the walk of shame totally worth it. (DD) 239 S. 500 East, Salt Lake City, 801-364-4655, RyeSLC.com

Best Excuse to Eat Local E LIM

Who wants to wait until 11:30 a.m. to throw back mimosas when you can get tipsy at 10 a.m.? Visit Zest Kitchen & Bar to imbibe bubbly mimosas made with freshly pressed juice and other innovative cocktails with your early weekend brunch. “Because of our bar license we can serve awesome fresh juice cocktails at 10 a.m.” owner and chef Casey Staker says. The brunch part is good, too, with options ranging from a traditional Greek omelet to savory chickpea pancakes topped with avocado, pico de gallo and housemade cashew sour cream. (AR) 275 S. 200 West, Salt Lake City, 801-433-0589, ZestSLC.com

else with an engine. Thus, Billy Blanco’s is an ode to the Motor City, complete with muscle cars and custom bikes on display to go along with the eatery’s “food with horsepower.”

The bar at Billy Blanco’s is even made from professional-grade steel toolboxes and race car seats. Vroom! Vroom! (TS) 8208 Gorgoza Pines Road, Park City, 435-575-0846, BillyBlancos.com

IQU

Zest Kitchen & Bar

EN R

Best Boozy Brunch

Best Cheesesteak Vito’s

BEST OF UTAH

2016: STAFF CHOICE BEST OF UTAH 2016: STAFF CHOICE

As is the case with exceptional burgers, hoagies, pizzas and other classic comfort foods, creating the perfect cheesesteak is more difficult than it might appear.

Maybe that’s why Vito Leone has such a laser-like focus on doing one thing better than anyone else: making cheesesteaks. His cash-only Bountiful eatery is only open three hours per day (if the cheesesteaks don’t sell out before then) and Vito alone cooks his steaks. They are made from top-notch ribeye cooked to perfection and served on excellent rolls. Vito’s proves that you don’t have to be big to make a giant splash in the cheesesteak world. (TS) 100 S. Main, Bountiful, 801-953-8486

Veneto Ristorante Italiano Lovers of Italian fare are familiar with gnocchi—the thumb-size oval-shaped potato-and-flour dumplings that are usually served with a simple pomodoro or butter sauce. Well, at Marco and Amy Stevanoni’s Veneto Ristorante Italiano the gnocchi are in a class of their own. Rather than light and airy, the Venetian-style “mountain” gnocchi are somewhat free-form in shape, dense and a bit heavy, with a wonderful bite—substantial, to say the least. They require nothing more than a simple coating of butter, sage and Monte Veronese cheese to be absolutely fabulous. (TS) 370 E. 900 South, SLC, 801-359-0708, VenetoSLC.com NIKI CHAN

Best Culinary Triple Play Good Karma

At Houman Gohary’s Good Karma restaurant, there really is something for everybody on the menu. Gohary is a world-class chef who has cooked internationally in culinary hot spots like Osaka, Barcelona, Dubai and Shanghai. We’re lucky to have him here in Utah. Good Karma is not constrained by others’ notions of what a menu should look like, so Gohary offers guests a range of flavors from Persian and Indian to American.

Where else can you enjoy salmon Parsi, shrimp vindaloo and a tuna melt at one sitting? And during weekend brunch, Gohary entertains customers by playing live classical, jazz and flamenco guitar. (TS) 1782 Prospector Ave., Park City, 435-658-0958, GoodKarmaRestaurants.com

Best Place to Wait in Line for Breakfast The Park Café

CITYWEEKLY.NET

Best Feast for the Eyes Blue Iguana

is the order At both Blue Iguana locations, vibrancy met with a of the day. Upon entering, the eyes are a flavor that g estin sugg s, color cal rainbow of tropi visual just than more fiesta is imminent. But there’s h and matc llo Casti chef head from rs flavo sizzle. Bold ing includ , ance ambi g often surpass the eye-poppin gh throu down d passe been have that s some dishe ntic Authe s.

Aztec the to generations dating back pork tinga Mexican dishes like spicy, slow-roasted s share mole vored ly-fla poblana and rich, deep Mexicanrn mode more with menu a Iguan the Blue s, Buffalo American fare such as chimichangas, fajita of color ration celeb the to Add . verde chile and s, wing (TS) iri. daiqu or arita with a strawberry marg 165 S. West Temple, SLC, 801-533-8900; 255 Main Street, Park City, 435-649-3097, BlueIguanaRestaurant.net

Mi Lindo Nayarit

Street meat is one of life’s greatest pleasures, not to mention risks. There are those among us, however, who don’t gamble with their colorectal health. What’s the saying? A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the toilet? But there’s no need to deprive ourselves of tender carne asada ensconced in dual corn tortillas with onions, cilantro and hot sauce, and a sweet, sugary pineapple Jarritos soda on the side. Mi Lindo Nayarit in Salt Lake City offers some of the best off-road street tacos around—if you can stomach a long-ish wait for cooked-toorder goodness. The telenovelas and fresh, y muy sabrosos, chips and salsa helps the time pass. (RH) 145 E. 1300 South, Salt Lake City, 801-908-5727

Best Ancestral, Chocolate-Based Sauce Mole at Taqueria El Paisa

A recent BuzzFeed post titled “It's Time To Admit That Mole Is Actually Fucking Terrible” recently did the rounds among my friends’ social media channels, and a clutching-of-the-pearls reaction immediately followed. How dare you, sirs? Here’s the deal with mole: It’s a delicious and comes in many stripes—Poblano being the most popular— and it’s not the most photogenic food, which in the age of Instagram is a huge disadvantage for the humble sauce. Here’s another truth: Ask anyone worth their salt, and they’ll let you know that a good mole emcompasses 35 or more ingredients; it’s preparation is laborious; and it’s usually done by the matrons of the family—the moms, the abuelas, the tías—bringing them together to talk, laugh and, why not, bitch about anything that’s on their minds. Its taste is unique, it’s sensory, it’s multi-generational. More importantly, it’s good.

Try the mole de gallo ($9.99) at El Paisa, and you’ll see what I mean. Just be extra kind with whatever filters you use. (EL) 919 W. 2100 South, Salt Lake City, 801-908-5320, TaqueriaElPaisaUtah.com

Best Old-School Park City Adolph’s

Long before Park City became known for glitz, glamor and the Sundance Film Festival, owner/ chef Adolph Imboden was dishing up international cuisine with a flare at his namesake Adolph’s restaurant. Adolph’s was the first fine-dining restaurant in Park City and has been both a favorite of locals and tourists alike for more than 30 years. The former Swiss ski racer’s cuisine has modernized over the years, with offerings such as ahi tuna sashimi and mango-avocado-salmon salad. But don’t fret. Old-school favorite like Swissstyle raclette, chateaubriand, steak Diane, cheese fondue, duck l’orange, Wienerschnitzel, escargots, bündnerfleisch and other classics still grace Adolph’s timeless menu. (TS) 1500 Kearns Blvd., Park City, 435-649-7177, AdolphsRestaurantParkCity.com

It doesn’t really matter how early you rise after a night of heavy partying, you’ll have to wait your turn at the Park Café. Luckily, the wait is always worth it— and you get coffee while standing in line. The Park, as it’s sometimes called, has been a massive staple in the breakfast dining scene for more than a decade. The service is unparalleled, the servers are somehow chipper despite being swamped Best Awful-Sounding Dish by the hungry, and the food is just damned THE HAMBURGER AND POTATO STEW AT HOGLE ZOO’S BEASTRO CAFÉ delicious. Being a creature of habit, I rarely stray Maybe this dish sounds like something that should be fed to animals. That’s not surprising, from the confines of the Park for breakfast. I also since we came across it in the Beastro Cafe at the Hogle Zoo. But whoever it was that thought rarely order anything but the Michigan Hash, a of making a stew of hamburger and potatoes hit a comfort-food jackpot. Sort of like burgers mountain of potatoes mixed with sausages and vegetables topped with a pair of over-easy fried and fries in a pot. Looking at all those lovely animals at the Hogle Zoo sort of puts you off meat eggs. Red Tabasco, please! (CF) and poultry. But there aren’t any cows at the zoo, so you won’t have to explain to junior that 604 E. 1300 South, 801-487-1670, Salt Lake City, you’re eating the very same Max the Moo Cow that you just saw in the farm life exhibition.

TheParkCafeSLC.com

CLASS OF 2001

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Best Gnocchi

Best Street Taco you Can’t Buy on the Street

Then again, maybe a salad wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

Table X

Best Vegan Cheesesteak Buds

If the words “vegan cheesesteak” sound like an oxymoron, I’d like to introduce you to Buds. This sandwich shop specializes in plant-based comfort food, serving up hearty sandwiches and salads to a bustling lunchtime crowd. The Cheesesteak ($6.50) is a gratifying combination of savory, peppery soy-based steak, grilled peppers and onions topped with a hot, gooey vegan cheese sauce tucked into a toasted sourdough hoagie. Top it off with a dollop of housemade marinara and sliced black olives for a mere 50 cents more to experience the full-flavored Pizzasteak. (AR) 509 E. 300 South, Salt Lake City, BudsSLC.com DEREK CARLISLE

Not even going to tip-toe around it: The whole experience of Table X Restaurant is flat-out sexy. There’s a lot of leather on glorious display, to start with: Long black banquettes along one wall; on the other, three massive tufted-leather curved booths offering all kinds of privacy while simultaneously framing the view of the entirely exposed barrelceilinged space. As envisioned by architect Thomas Bath, designer Andrea Beecher and graphic artist Dallas Graham, the space is pushing all kinds of visual boundaries for the folks of Happy Valley, in the best possible way. And the food matches this spirit of stepping just slightly out of the usual comfort zone, with gorgeous presentations of locally sourced ingredients (many of which are grown in the restaurant’s own extensive on-site garden) served up in cozy earthenware containers. This scribbler's particular sensory vice satisfied? Still oven-warm bread served with house-churned creme fraiche butter, available fresh each service. It’s not such a bad addiction in the scheme of things, right? (DD) 1457 E. 3350 South, SLC, 385-528-3712, TableXRestaurant.com

Best Taste of a French Morning Bubble & Brown

Imagine walking down a quaint Parisian sidestreet, smelling that delightful aroma of freshly baked morning treats, and finding yourself unable to stop walking into the shop from which it originates. Bubble & Brown has just that kind of feel to it, aiming for recipes built on classical European pastry techniques. Though the shop recently closed last month, plans to move in to a bigger

BEST OF UTAH 2016: STAFF CHOICE 2016: STAFF CHOICE

space have ensued. In the meantime, you can still complement that coffee pick-me-up with freshly made treats, like the blueberry frangipane tart or peach and ginger scone, at Jade Market. As the flaky heaven melts on your tongue, you’ll practically hear the accordion music playing “La Vie en Rose.”

(SR) 385-212-4998, BubbleAndBrownBakery.com

BEST OF UTAH

Best Bit of Culinary Bondage

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ENRIQUE LIMÓN

2016: STAFF CHOICE BEST OF UTAH

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Best Roadside Sandwich Shadow Fighter Sandwich at Little Acorn Drive-Inn

Since 1972, this roadside shack has welcomed wayward travelers with its plethora of burgers and killer sandwiches. Next time you’re zipping by, stop in, give their food a try and be mesmerized by their impressive aquarium.

If you’re lucky, you’ll get a chance to sit at the sweetheart table. Onto the good stuff: For the true experience, get the house special Shadow Fighter sandwich ($6.89)—a heaping hand-and-cheese sandwich on homemade bread with a quarter pound burger patty thrown in the middle. I don’t have to mention just how big of a fan of combined foods I am (check out the “Chicken IN Waffle” entry), I’ll just limit myself to saying this is a Frankenfood done right. To wash it down, order one of their famous fruit shakes (Oreo is a fruit, right?). (EL) 3660 US-6, Spanish Fork, 801-798-3143

Best Gourmet Popsicles Lick’d Pops

From Otter Pops to popsicles, frozen confections are a summer rite of passage—and also usually just a delivery system for artificially flavored corn syrup. Tiffany Tomkinson decided to take the concept to another level, with a wide variety of small-batch frozen treats in mouth-watering flavors, made from the best available natural (and whenever possible, locally sourced) ingredients. The tangy Key lime pie pops come packed with graham cracker crumbles; the peanut butter chocolate cookie is like a refreshing Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup on a stick. (SR) LickdPops.com

Best Take-Out/To-Go Deer Valley Grocery-Café

Who wants to cook when you’re enjoying a ski vacation? For both visitors and Park City residents, Deer Valley Grocery-Café offers a world of gourmet goodies to eat in or to take home. 7-Eleven this is not, with a menu that runs the gamut from breakfast paninis and famous Deer Valley turkey chili, to chicken pot pie, goat cheese polenta, gourmet pizzas, pastas, Niman Ranch braised short ribs, an array of desserts and even beer, wine and liquor to go. If you’re dining in, be sure to try one of the Grocery-Café’s specialty cocktails. (TS) 1375 Deer Valley Drive, Park City, 435-615-2400, DeerValley.com

Best Canyon Dinner Log Haven Restaurant

There are a growing number of fine-dining establishments in Salt Lake City, and for the food lover, this is excellent news. A little further afield, though, located 4 miles up Millcreek Canyon, is Log Haven, which quietly crafts superb food for anyone with a billfold thick enough to pay. For anyone not paying attention as they zoom up and down the canyon, Log Haven is also a spectacle of, well, log architecture. The space is beautiful, and it’s surrounded by even more beautiful scenery, which makes it a destination for weddings. Try the bacon-wrapped elk strip steak. (CF) 6451 E. Millcreek Canyon Road, Millcreek, 801-272-8255, Log-Haven.com

BEST OF UTAH

Best Coffee House

2016: STAFF CHOICE

2007 2008

2014

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2005

CITYWEEKLY.NET

Thank you to our hard working staff & loyal patrons for voting Coffee Garden Best of Utah!

Best Secret Menu Item

2016: STAFF CHOICE

The McDonald’s McBitchin’

ENRIQUE LIMÓN

BEST OF UTAH

Take one McDonald’s double cheeseburger, split it between the patties, insert Hot 'n Spicy McChicken sandwich. That, my friends, is a McBitchin’.

Some call it a McGangbang.

That’s kinda fuckin’ stupid. The double cheeseburger and the Hot 'n Spicy are two entities—that ain’t no gang. But it is bitchin’. Room for more?

I’ll share a secret menu of my own creation. If you ask real nice at a hybrid KFC/Taco Bell, you can get 'em to put the contents of a KFC Famous Bowl (popcorn chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, corn and cheese) and some pico de gallo into a tortilla, then grill it. Boom.

Grilled Stuft Famous Bowl Burrito. Be sure to get a grip of hot sauce to go with it—and honor its Creator for eternity. (RH)

Best Vibe

Silver Star Café

Fresh, homemade, award winning food & pastries

Best Individualized Dessert Experience Create Donut Co.

Best

of Utah

2015

Best Scratch Bakery

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Whether you slide in off the slopes or bike, hike or motor your way to Silver Star Café, you’re unlikely to find an eatery with a better vibe in Park City. The vision when Lisa and Jeff Ward opened Silver Star Café in 2010 was to create a communal gathering spot with excellent, comforting cuisine, and also a haven where live American roots music could thrive.

Check, check and check. Adjacent to Park City Mountain Resort, Silver Star is rustic, warm and cozy, with outside seating and fire pits. It’s a great spot to grab a beer or cocktail and a burger or to enjoy a leisurely meal of wild mushroom stroganoff, organic rye berry risotto, housemade pizza, osso bucco, branzino or other tantalizing menu options. Whatever you order, the servers and staff are so accommodating, you’re going to feel like you’re dining with family. (TS) 1825 Three Kings Drive, Park City, 435-655-3456, TheSilverStarCafe.com

You’ll feel like a kid turned loose in a dessert playground when you customize your own treat at Create Donut Co. One recent customer ordered a doughnut inside of a crêpe while another chose a brownie sundae with a croissant on top. Feel free to mix and match with their 17 glazes and drizzles and 14 fillings made from whipped cream, mousse or fruit. You can originate any dessert ranging from a gelato cookie sandwich to a Madagascar whipped cream and chocolate moussetopped croissant doughnut to organic shaved ice. It’s all totally yummy and all totally up to you. (CC) 9305 S. Village Shop Drive, Sandy, 801-790-2738, CreateDonut.com

Best Hot Dog You Can Only Find Through Serendipity Meier’s Catering

62 E. Gallivan Ave. 801-961-9000 FromScratchSLC.com

“Caterer,” even if netted against “work party,” still doesn’t summon images of hot dogs. At its thriftiest, it means a beef-chicken-fish option, decent dessert and maybe a few free beers. This held true enough at the summer work party of a certain longtime companion this summer—but, since kids might not like chicken and ribs, option Z was hot dogs; perfectly formed, crazy-tender franks on super soft yellow buns with optional ketchup, mustard and relish. I had three—plus four of Meier’s redonk orange rolls.

Sadly, since you can’t walk into Meier’s and order one, you’ll just have to wait until karma/coincidence decides you’re ready. (RH) 4730 S. Holladay Blvd., Holladay, 801-278-4655, MeiersCatering.com

BEST OF UTAH

ENRIQUE LIMÓN

2016: STAFF CHOICE

Best Downtown Sausage Fest JDawgs

Stick to what you know, the old adage goes. For a little over a decade, former BYU student Jayson Edwards’ path has been paved with wieners—Polish and beef to be specific—turning him into the state’s top hot dog connoisseur. Starting humbly as an off-campus shack that offered a break from the college pizza cycle norm, JDawgs recently opened a fifth locale smack in the heart of downtown SLC. For the full experience, start with a fresh-offthe-grill dog ($4), served with all the toppings (onion, sauerkraut, jalapeños and pickles), squeeze a goopy amount of secret sauce on that beefy bad boy, and get ready to kiss those boiled mystery meat imposters you grew up with goodbye. Judging by the line during a recent visit, Edwards, our own budding Ray Kroc, is onto something big. Something big and juicy. (EL) Multiple locations, JDawgs.com

Best Band of Brothers Kevin and Bob Valaika

ing r e t a C t u o b A Call Us rty a P y a d i l o H r You n. ies! order soo p r u o y t o g We’ve

Best Southern Hospitality Tupelo

deli • bakery • coffee shop

Mon-Sat 7am-9pm & Sunday 9:30am-4pm • 1560 E 3300 S

NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 83

Named for the tupelo trees that are native to the American Southeast, and given that owner/chef Matt Harris is a Southern boy himself, it should come as no surprise that Southern hospitality and a casual, comforting vibe should be the modus operandi at Park City’s Tupelo restaurant. Along with business partner/wife/"tiger mom" Maggie Alvarez and a strong staff, Harris redefines comfort food with dishes like maple whiskey-glazed pork cheeks, deviled eggs with fried country ham and creme fraiche, and mind-blowing buttermilk biscuits with tupelo honey butter. Pastry Chef Shirley Butler’s sticky toffee pudding with Earl Grey bitters ice cream will leave a wide grin on your gob.

(TS) 508 Main, Park City, 435-615-7700, TupeloParkCity.com

CITYWEEKLY.NET

In some ways, Shabu owners Kevin and Bob Valaika couldn’t be more different; in others, they seem to be clones. Together, they help make Park City’s Shabu restaurant one of the most exciting and innovative in town. Executive Chef Bob Valaika—who trained at with chefs such as Nobu Matsuhisa and Emeril Lagasse—spends most of his time in the Shabu kitchen, out of the spotlight.

Kevin, on the other hand, is the affable “face” of Shabu, usually working the front of the house meeting and greeting customers old and new and treating them like family. The brotherly combination of exquisite Asian-inspired “free style” cuisine and first-rate customer service makes Shabu a bucket-list item when dining in Park City. (TS) 442 Main, Park City, 435-645-7253, ShabuParkCity.com

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CITYWEEKLY.NET

BEST OF UTAH

2016: STAFF CHOICE

Best Soon-to-be-National Concept Mollie & Ollie

BEST OF UTAH 2016: STAFF CHOICE 2016: STAFF CHOICE

BEST OF UTAH

The Mollie & Ollie approach to dining is a brilliant one, from the menu to the ordering system. The restaurant’s menu—which features breakfast items, scrambles, stir-fries, salads, wraps, side dishes, desserts and beverages— is accessed via an area of kiosks equipped with touch-screen tablets. Given the almost endless combinations of customization for nearly every dish, tablets for customers are a good way to go. The fast, healthy meal options at Mollie & Ollie—named for the owner’s goldfish, by the way—make this concept one that we wish we’d gotten in on the ground floor of. We’ll bet the farm that Utah’s M&O will be a national sensation in a few years. (TS) 159 S. Main, Salt Lake City, 801-328-5659, MollieAndOllie.com

Best Nibble of Candy Bar Histor y

RANDY HARWARD

Startup's Opera Bars

Best Place to Learn There’s More to Mexican Dessert than Flan and Fried Ice Cream Cakes by Edith

Nothing against Santa Flan, the patron saint of creamy desserts (movie recommendation: Freaked, starring Alex Winter and Randy Quaid), but step off custardy amigo. Ditto fried ice cream and Mexican candy. Once you’ve tasted some of the incredible treats at Cakes by Edith—a Mexican panaderia in West Valley—flan is just soggy tiramisu. Among the under-glass delights at Edith’s are South American alfajores cookies, fist-sized balls that are suspiciously similar to raspberry Zingers, and Mexican wedding cookies. Their crowning achievement, however, is the pastel de tres leches—a white cake with creamy icing and strawberry slices soaking in a halfinch bath of sweetened whole, condensed and evaporated milks. Que chingón. (RH) 1736 W. 5000 South, Taylorsville, 801-963-3743

Biggest Variety of Candy and Soda Pop 'n' Sweets

Talk about a soda- and candy-lover’s paradise. Abba Zabbas, Sky Bars and Looks will take you back decades, and the four Pop 'n' Sweets locations are also filled with imported sweets and sodas from Germany, Sweden, Brazil, Argentina, France, Canada, Mexico, Norway, Finland, Switzerland, Australia, Russia and Holland.

Among the 500 types of glass-bottled sodas are 100 different root beers. Some Pop 'n Sweets locations offer counter service for root beer floats. Owner Christopher Wilms says he created the dessert shop three years ago with the goal of making the world a better place one candy bar at a time. (CC) Multiple locations, PopNSweets.com

Confectionary trivia: Did you know that the first candy bar with a filling in America was manufactured in Utah (according to Ripley’s Beli eve It or Not)?

Native Englishman William Daw Startup moved to the state in 1874, where he started a candy store in Prov o. In 1895, William’s grandsons created the Opera Bar, with layers of crea m-filling in chocolate, vanilla and strawberry candy. More than a century late r, their Opera Bar is still availab le, as the fifth generation of Startup confect ioners keeps the family busines s going, with plenty of other flavors of cho colates, jumbo pops and Mag nolia perfume candies to accompany their hist ory-making creation. (SR) 534 S. 100 Wes t, Provo, 801-373 -8673, Star tupCandy.com

Best Way to Track Down a Food Truck Food Truck Thursdays, Food Truck Roundups

Food trucks are, for adults, like the ice cream man was for kids. Granted, they don’t drive around blasting music box hits of the 18th century; but they do make you chase 'em. Social media makes it easier to know where to find these roving grub-mobiles, but whenever your finances permit a diversion from your routine Michelina’s mac and cheese or PB&J, Cupbop’s in F-ing Draper. Luckily, the chuckwagons congregate regularly in locations throughout the Salt Lake Valley and Utah County, making it easier to get your Kko-Kko Bop-and-Mandu or Sweeto Burrito fix. (RH) TheFoodTruckLeague.com; FoodTruckUnderground.com

On that note, Best Place to be a Food Truck Snob Soho Food Park

For a while there, food trucks could get away with serving sub-par food at exorbitant prices simply because they were on-trend novelties. While this didn’t mean that all local food trucks were dispassionate hacks, it made it difficult to pin down the quality establishments. Thanks to Holladay locals Shelly and Mark Olsen, food snobs no longer have to risk tracking down a food truck only to be disappointed with its mediocrity. The Olsens vet and interview each member of the food park, ensuring a revolving lineup that is consistently impressive. Plus, Mark makes a mean cup of hot chocolate. (AS) 4747 E. Holladay Blvd., Holladay, 801-560-8200, Facebook.com/ SohoFoodPark

Best Food Court Fare Tossed Pizzeria

CITYWEEKLY.NET

Like me, you probably dread “ordering in the court.” I'm referring to shopping mall food courts, where the cuisine is usually about as uplifting as this year's presidential election. Well, Tossed Pizzeria—located in the Layton Hills Mall— is out to change your thoughts. The anti-Sbarro, independent, family-owned pizzeria produces what might just be the best NYC-style pies in Utah. If that’s not enough, there are also made-from-scratch salads that are to die for. It’s reason enough to become a mall rat. (TS) 1201 N. Hill Field Road, Layton, 801-546-3558, TossedPizzeria.com

Best Downtown Southern Comfort

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NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 85

Southern cooking has a particular foundation in tradition, based on family recipes and the sense that there’s only one right way to make certain classic dishes. SoCo brings that sensibility to Main Street, with a menu full of favorites that you might find in a Carolina kitchen. The fried chicken (with or without waffles) is juicytender beneath the crispy crust, and the hush puppies provide just the right spicy kick beneath that crunchy exterior. Whether your personal irresistible favorite is shrimp and grits or fried catfish—maybe even with collard greens on the side—you can get a little burst of Dixie in downtown SLC. (SR) 319 S. Main, Salt Lake City, 801-532-3946, SoCoSLC.com

YLOR JOHN TA

SoCo

B. GARRETT

Artesian Well Park

If you’re not going to recycle your empty milk jugs, at least reuse them by capturing crisp spring water that pours from a red brick station downtown. Artesian Well Park on the corner of 500 East and 800 South is among the city’s smallest, measuring in at about a quarter acre. Devoid of playgrounds, puppies or stoned slackliners, this park instead fulfills a singular mission of slaking the thirst of the masses. It’s a free, environmentally conscious way to keep your fridge stocked with drinking water, which regular visitors vouch is tastier than what flows from their taps. (DWH) 808 S. 500 East, Salt Lake City, 801-972-7800

Best Place to Satisfy your GlutenFree, Vegan Sweet Tooth City Cakes Bakery & Café

Just because you’re avoiding dairy, eggs and gluten doesn’t mean you’ve given up on life. City Cakes Bakery & Café offers delectable vegan and glutenfree desserts. The moment you enter the bakery, the colorful goodies inside the pastry case catch your eye. You’ve never seen so many delectable vegan and gluten-free doughnuts, scones, cupcakes and cookies! One bite of the zesty blueberry-lemon scone and you’ll be convinced—you don’t have to sacrifice to be vegan or gluten free. (AR) 1000 S. Main, Salt Lake City, 801-359-2239, CityCakesCafe.com

Best Unexpectedly Wonderful Wine List Hot Dynasty

Although China has given us what might be the world’s most ancient and complex cuisine, wine is something we tend to think of in tandem with French food. That’s not the case at Hot Dynasty, where the wine selection rates with some of the best fine-dining restaurants. Right there beside fresh boba drinks, kumquat juice, mango shakes and strawberry slushes are wines from around the world. Choices range from Kendall-Jackson, La Crema and Stag’s Leap Chardonnays to Sauvion Sancerre from France, Freemark Abbey Napa Cabernet and even M. Chapoutier Luberon La Ciboise Rouge. A very good choice to augment Hot Dynasty’s robust flavors is d’Esclans Whispering Angel Rosé from Provence. Or, you could celebrate your good luck in discovering this wonderful Chinese eatery with a bottle of Dom Pérignon vintage Champagne. (TS) 3390 S. State, Salt Lake City, 801-712-5332, HotDynasty.com

Best Rise From the Damp, Fizzy Ashes Curry ’N’ Kabobs

Many downtown denizens mourned when, over the summer, the soda machine at Curry ’N’ Kabobs was responsible for flooding the Afghan and Indian eatery. Luckily, after a couple of weeks of renovations, the tiny restaurant located in the back of Market on Main St. was reborn. Take it from someone who has tried almost every item on the menu: You can’t go wrong here. Homemade kabobs, fresh naans, curries and a decent vegetarian selection all do the trick. Looking for something handheld? From falafel to shawarma, all wraps are less than $7, and can be upgraded with seasoned rice and a salad to a full plate for just two bucks more.

Dine-in and enjoy the vast selection of Bollywood movies playing on a nearby flatscreen. The soundtrack, combined with the top-notch eats, is sure to make your taste buds dance and sing. (EL) 268 S. Main, Salt Lake City, 801-363-0300 ÓN

With clean lines, clean eating and a clean-asa-whistle service staff, the whole GR Kitchen experience totally makes sense for how people want to eat modern Greek food—think freshsliced lamb and beef gyros, spit-roasted lean pork or chicken souvlaki—whether it’s a sit-down long lunch with friends or a family meal on-the-go.

Add a great local beer selection to the mix, and we’re absolutely golden. Gilding this proverbially already-glorious lily? The thick and impossibly creamy housemade traditional Greek yogurt, which chef/owner Chris Tsoutsounakis urges guests to top off with gourmet ingredients like richly syruped cherries, crushed pistachios or local honey. Adding to this delicious danger zone, pints (or more!) of the yogurt are available to-go for late-night binging. (DD) 7702 Union Park Ave., Sandy, 801-352-7406, EatGRKitchen.com

GR Kitchen Spit-Fired Greek

ENRIQUE LIM

There aren’t a lot of places where you can nosh on après ski fare created by the renowned chef and restaurateur Jean-Georges Vongerichten, but the Bar and Lounge at Deer Valley’s St. Regis Deer Crest hotel is one. Enjoy the St. Regis’ signature 7452 Mary—their high-altitude take on the classic bloody mary—while nibbling on black-truffle pizza, Maine mussels marinière or sautéed corvina with spicy peanut broth. The wine list is one of the best in town, and on sunny Sundays guests can enjoy listening to live music provided by the great local duo Joy and Eric out on the bustling Mountain Terrace. (TS) 2300 Deer Valley Drive East, Park City, 435-940-5760, StRegisDeerValley.com

Best Literal Watering Hole

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JOHN TAYLOR

2016: STAFF CHOICE BEST OF UTAH 2016: STAFF CHOICE BEST OF UTAH

Best Yogurt Jones Satisfied

St. Regis Bar and Lounge

CITYWEEKLY.NET

86 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

Best Après Ski

T R A D I T I O N A L J A PA N E S E D I N I N G .

this year at Kimi’s Chop & Oyster House...!!!

Along with our complete dinner menu we will be featuring a tasty holiday special.

DINNER ENTREE SPECIAL:

$28 ADULTS| KIDS 6-12 $14| 3-5 $10| UNDER 3

appetizers, salads, soups & desserts priced separately serving: 1 pm - 4:30 pm

RESERVATIONS: 801.946.2079

2275 E. 3300 S., SLC | (801) 466-7111 | koyoslc.com

Book your private party with us

2016: STAFF CHOICE

dried cherry & crimini mushroom stuffed organic turkey roulade lingonberry coulis sweet potato mousse whipped potato w/lemon thyme gravy haricot vertes

BEST OF UTAH

CELEBRATE THANKSGIVING DINNER

2155 S Highland Dr, Salt Lake City, UT | (801) 946-2079

Pastry • Brunch Small Plates • Wine 725 E. 12300 S. Draper 801-571-1500

CITYWEEKLY.NET

NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 87

FINE MEXICAN CUISINE

ENRIQUE LIMÓN

TO YOUR FAMILY FOR 27 YEARS

BEST OF UTAH

2016: STAFF CHOICE

SERVING

Best Mexican Restaurant You Haven't Been to Nuestra Cocina at Rancho Market

RESTAURANT

MORELIA

Mon-Thur: 11am-9pm | Fri & Sat: 11am-10pm

6098 S. State St. | 801-265-8790

Best Mediterranean Getaway Reef’s

Dining at Reef’s restaurant and art gallery in Park City is a little like a lowprice getaway to warmer, sunnier climes. The vegetarian- and gluten-freefriendly restaurant features the flavors of the Mediterranean, Middle East and Europe, with art curated by Paris-born Ida Yoked. Tel Aviv-native Asi Yoked—Reef’s chef and owner—opened the restaurant along with his wife Tali, naming it after their son, Reef. Yes—surfers, swimmers and divers are very welcome. You can’t miss with Middle Eastern staples like hummus, falafel and baba ghanoush, but give the sensational chicken schnitzel a try, too. (TS) 710 Main, Park City, 435-658-0323, ReefsRestaurant.com

Best Glendale Grocery Store Super Mercado de las Americas

Pictured : Enso

CITYWEEKLY.NET

88 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

Hidden inside all 11 Utah Rancho Markets is the most authentic Mexican dining experience on this side of the upcoming administration’s proposed yuuuge wall. A small-but-mighty staff works away doling out the good stuff since the wee hours in the form of delectable chilaquiles, chorizo-and-egg and steak-and-egg burritos. For lunch, nothing beats their carnitas, carne asada and al pastor tacos ($2.50 each or in a combo of eight plus rice and beans for $14.99). Wash it all down with a housemade fruity agua fresca.

You can also stock up on chicharrón (pork cracklings), which are sold by the pound here, and don’t waste your time looking for fancy napkins from a dispenser, as each table is equipped with a roll of paper towels. Room for postre? Ranchos’ dessert counters have you covered with kilometers of pan dulce, gravity-defying double-decker pie/cake combos and the best hybrid since the Tijuana zonkey: choco-flan. (EL) Multiple locations, RanchoMarkets.com

It’s always pleasurable to stumble upon new things in a familiar city. The Super Mercado de las Americas is the kind of unreal grocery store that you won’t find on the internet; it’s not being Yelped about along with Harmons, Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s. No, it must be discovered. Of course, once this discovery takes place, the days of visiting the other grocers are numbered.

Need the beef you’re grilling seasoned? Just ask; the butcher will do it for you. Don’t want to cook? Buy a burrito from the taquería inside. With its barrel roof and massive wooden joists, the market is also an architectural gem, well worth a road trip to the city’s Glendale neighborhood. (CF) 1179 Navajo St., Salt Lake City, 801-972-4585

Best Chili Con Carne Bandits

Grillin’ since 2002!

801.713.9423 | 5692 South 900 East | www.japanesegrill.com

Positioned in the shadow of Cottonwood Heights’ Hyatt Place, Bandits Grill & Bar is the area’s best spot for barbecue. The barbecued baby back ribs, chicken, pulled pork, cedar-plank salmon and tri-tip are just a few of the outstanding smoky choices available at this uber-friendly restaurant. But there’s more going on at Bandits than just the blast-furnace, 1,800-degree grill. Chiliheads will go gaga over Bandit’s chili. It’s a highly spiced, tomatobased chili con carne, brimming with meaty chunks of oh-so tender beef tritip—all in perfect harmony and without unnecessary frills or accoutrements.

That championship chili followed by an order of bread pudding might just be the perfect Bandits meal. (TS) 3176 E. 6200 South, Cottonwood Heights, 801-944-0505, BanditsBBQ.com

JOHN TAYLOR

BEST OF UTAH 2016: STAFF CHOICE 2016: STAFF CHOICE

BEST OF UTAH

Best Late-Night Bargain

Best Way to Forget About Fry Sauce Mama Africa’s Pili Pili Sauce

Cathy “Mama Africa” Tshilombo-Lokemba is a welcome fixture at most of Salt Lake’s outdoor events, like the farmers market and Twilight Concert Series, where she cooks up some of the best ribs, beignets and samosas that I’ve ever tried. She’s also perfected a tangy, sweet and spicy brew called Pili Pili sauce, and it’s got my vote to usurp fry sauce as Utah’s condiment of choice. It’s the kind of sauce that has the versatility of Sriracha, but with more depth of flavor. It’s a marvelous addition to most any condiment-friendly food, and it packs a punch that fry sauce just can’t compete with. (AS) 3460 S. Redwood Road, West Valley City, 435-2242328

Best Heat-Lover's Condiment

Best Place to Circumvent Long Lines to Get your Favorite Food Taste of Red Iguana

It’s been said in these pages a zillion times, and we’ll say it a zillion more: The Red Iguana, home of killer Mexican food, is el mas chingón. What’s not badass about it is the long lines one often encounters at both the original and the nearby Red Iguana 2. So the ability to get at least a portion of the Red Iguana menu at a mall food court is pretty sweet. It does, however, lack the charm of the original in this context. But would you rather have Sbarro for the umpteenth time? (RH) City Creek Center, 28 S. State, Salt Lake City, 801214-6350, RedIguana.com

Best Dressing for Sensitive Stomachs Cut to the Taste

Looking for a recipe that would address the dietary needs of friends and family who are gluten- and/ or lactose-intolerant, Mannie Dotson developed a cilantro-lime dressing that was bursting with flavor, but kinder on the digestive system. The original recipe has expanded to include smoky bacon, chipotle and jalapeño variations—perfect options for dietrestricted eaters, whether you just want to drizzle it on a salad, or use it as a delicious marinade or sauce for main dishes. (SR) CutToTheTaste.com

Best Place to Spend $20 on your Lunch and Not Think Twice Este Deli

You know how in Pulp Fiction, Uma Thurman orders a $5 milkshake at Jack Rabbit Slim’s and John Travolta says, “That better be one fuckin’ good milkshake.” That’s how I felt laying down 13 bucks for a philly cheesesteak and $3 for a fancy Rice Krispies treat at Este Deli—the first time.

After tax and tip put me close to $20, I felt guilty for getting myself such an extravagant dinner.

During the long wait, I decided to eat dessert first in order to get my stomach to STFU. I ate greedily, wondering where “brown butter” had been all my life. And then I ate the sandwich on the way home.

And went back for more. (RH) 1702 S. Main, Salt Lake City, 801-487-3354, EstePizzaCo.com

CITYWEEKLY.NET

Best Veggie Taco that Disappeared but Should Return Blue Poblano’s soft-shell veggie tacos

NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 89

The tears splashed about on the wooden window shutters between Dick & Dixie’s bar and the adjoining building are mine. The reason: A note recently tacked to the taquería announced Blue Poblano’s indefinite closure. It’s a crying shame because their soft-shell veggie tacos—made with corn or flour tortillas and crammed with avocado, cheese and red cabbage—were superb. The restaurant’s Facebook page explains it closed shop due to an “urgent emergency repair,” but implied it would rise again. In the meantime, Blue Poblano caters. (DWH) BluePoblano.com

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Salsa Del Diablo’s “The Kitchen Sink” It’s like Satan and Jesus put aside their differences and teamed up to make Utah's hottest and best salsa. Salsa Del Diablo’s “Everything But The Kitchen Sink” is extra hot and should be eaten slowly by first-timers who aren’t sure yet how much they can handle. Once you’ve gotten past the heat (or rather before the heat fully sets in), the salsa has an excellent flavor, and quite literally contains everything but the kitchen sink. You might have seen Salsa Del Diablo at farmers markets across the valley, where they sell all sorts of flavors, like Pumpkin and a Pepper, Beehive Buzz, Green Goddess, the popular Cashew Dream and more, depending on the season. Whatever flavor or spice level you like, they have something you'll become addicted to. They’re based in Holladay, but sell their salsas at various stores listed on their Facebook page. (AH) Facebook.com/SalsaDelDiablo

Aside from fast food and franchise fare, it’s not easy to find late night noshes in Utah. And it’s even more difficult to find truly unique and inexpensive food after 9 p.m. Thankfully, Chef Gao/Sweet Ginger in Midvale has you covered for late-night eats. The restaurant offers a cash-only selection of late-night specials all priced at $5.49 apiece, beginning at 9 p.m. nightly. And here’s the best part: There are about 60 of them! The diverse menu of after-hours eats runs the gamut from Shanghai-style fried rice cakes and North China noodle soup, to Mongolian beef, fish with black bean sauce, spinach and tofu soup, eggplant with jalapeño and, yes, kung pao chicken. (TS) 220 W. 7200 South, Midvale, 801-352-0888, SweetGingerSLC.com

CITYHOME COLLECTIVE

JUSTIN CORBELL

Chef Gao/Sweet Ginger

2016: STAFF CHOICE

$2.50 DRAFTS EVERY TUESDAY & SUNDAY WE HAVE THE

NFL

BEST OF UTAH

Best Oh Mai! Oh Mai

Saturday and Sunday Brunch Starting at 9am 890 E. Fort Union Blvd. | 801.566.0424

Yellow curry chicken, shredded pork, spicy beef short-rib—it doesn’t matter which sandwich you order at any one of Oh Mai’s four locations; the result will satisfy. These sandwiches, known as banh mi, are anchored by a French baguette and stuffed with delicious Vietnamese goodness. While all of the sandwiches are top-notch, including The Sardine, which is at least worth one try, I prefer The Sinner, which consists of braised pork belly, black pepper, lettuce, cucumber, cilantro, pickled carrots, soy sprouts and jalapeño. Since you’re sinning, it’s important to know that you can add a fried egg or two to your sandwich. (CF) Multiple locations, OhMaiSandwich.com

Best Rising Chef

Joey Ferran at Cucina Through the years, Cucina in The Avenues has been known primarily as a deli/café offering great sandwiches, salads and such. But more recently, Cucina began offering evening dinners, including very well-attended and successful monthly wine dinners. The morphing of Cucina from deli to sitdown restaurant has largely come about with the hiring of what I think is Utah’s best new rising young chef: Joey Ferran. While Cucina does still dish up crowd favorites like curried chicken salads and gourmet sandwiches, Ferran has created an elevated nightly dinner menu that includes items like pork-belly pozole, tandoori lamb chop, fried chicken lollipops with tofu agedashi, fontina polenta and many more tempting choices. Keep an eye on Mr. Ferran—he’s going places, though we hope not too far. (TS) 1026 Second Ave., Salt Lake City, 801-322-3055, CucinaDeli.com

Best Canyon-Inspired Craft Hard Cider Mountain West’s 7 Mile Cider

It’s a no-brainer for those who love hard cider but don’t like it too sweet. What separates this one from the domestics you’re probably more familiar with is that it’s drier—like a dry Champagne, as opposed to sweet—and lighter in flavor, with hints of green apple. Named after southern Utah’s Seven Mile Canyon, and totaling 5 percent alcohol by volume, it’s the perfect refresher for a warm sunny day. It even won a silver medal in the Modern Cider category at this year’s Great Lakes International Cider and Perry Competition. You can buy it on tap or in 22-ounce bottles at their downtown tasting room, along with a few others, like their stronger Cottonwood Dry Hopped (6.9 percent ABV). Cheers! (AH) 425 N. 400 West, Salt Lake City, 801-935-4147, MountainWestCider.com

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TICKET

4670 S. 2300 E. HOLLADAY MONDAY-FRIDAY 6AM-8PM SATURDAY 6AM-9PM SUNDAY 7AM-6PM

www.3cups.coffee 385-237-3091

Best Place to Eat a Burger while Uncomfortably Close to a Person who is Paid to Make Fun Wiseguys Downtown

Comedians are like wild animals: We love 'em, but we don’t wanna get within attack range. At the relatively new Gateway location of Wiseguys comedy club, the food is way better—especially the messy burgers. Just don’t sit too close to the stage while you’re eating. Sure, it’s great to be that close to a wild stand-up in its natural habitat, but if you saw some drunk greedily inhaling a burger while laughing … Could you resist baring your claws? (RH) 194 S. 400 West, Salt Lake City, 801-532-5233, WiseguysComedy.com

BEST OF UTAH

2016: STAFF CHOICE CITYWEEKLY.NET

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2016: STAFF CHOICE

HOLIDAY GATHERINGS LUNCH • DINNER • BRUNCH • FINE TEQUILLAS

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BEST OF UTAH

PRIVATE DINING ROOMS FOR YOUR

4670 HOLLADAY VILLAGE PLAZA (2300 EAST) 801-676-9706 ∙ 1615 S. FOOTHILL DRIVE 385-259-0712 ∙ 149 EAST 200 SOUTH 385-259-0940 OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK | TAQUERIA27.COM

Best at Keeping it Local

RANDY HARW ARD

When you dine in many of Utah’s finest restaurants— places like Table X, Pago, Current, Martine, Zest, Pallet or Riverhorse—you’ll find chefs making use of locally grown, sustainable and organic produce and herbs from urban Frog Bench Farms. Located in Salt Lake City’s Foothills neighborhood, Frog Bench—the creation of Joe and Paula Sargetakis—is a state-ofthe art urban farm powered by some 200-plus solar panels, and contains water-collection systems that can gather 2,500 gallons during a good rainstorm.

Of course, it's the incredible range of produce and herbs grown from heirloom seeds that most of the chefs are after. Where else are you going to find edible flowers on a wintery Tuesday afternoon? (TS) 801-478-5835, FrogBenchFarms.com

Best Parisian Culinary Education Croissant classes at Les Madeleines

Best Braised Bunny Provisions

Nope, I'm not talking about a Fatal Attraction moment, here. My autumnal obsession? The rabbit pappardelle as envisioned by Chef Tyler Stokes, which makes an occasional appearance on the menu when he can get his lucky paws on the hardto-find ingredient raised to his exacting standards of sourcing. When I'm lucky enough to find it done as well as Stokes’ version at Provisions in Millcreek, I grab it when I can. Luscious and full of flavor, the rabbit has been braised low and slow until it is falling-apart-on-your-fork tender, then it’s sautéed with speck (mild bacon), slivered garlic, sage, oyster mushrooms and a velvety browned butter sauce. It’s then pan tossed with housemade wide egg pasta ribbons. Every decadent forkful is a bite of heaven.

Sorry Thumper, but I'm not even a little bit sorry. (DD) 3364 S. 2300 East, Salt Lake City, 801-410-4046, SLCProvisions.com

Ever since The Pie Pizzeria—long-regarded as serving the best pies in SLC—started to venture out of the University area into other parts of the valley, I’ve wished for one in my own neck of the woods.

Months (and months) ago, when the sign went up at the South Salt Lake construction site across from the Century 16 theaters, my heart soared and my stomach percolated. It wouldn’t be long; soon the zappis and vegan cheese pull-a-parts would be mine. Now, I dunno how long it’s meant to take, building a building and all … but it feels like it’s taking forever. (RH) ThePie.com

Best Dinner and a Show Encore Bistro

Let’s face it: Food and drink options at most theater performances and concerts suck. You’re lucky if you can find a granola bar to eat, much less a decent glass of wine. That’s why we love Encore Bistro at the Eccles Theater. Whether you’re attending a show at the Eccles or not, Encore is open serving breakfast, lunch and dinner with tasty, tempting options like their Diva Panini, Stage Left Sliders, Grown-Up Grilled Cheese, daily quiche and killer chicken-and-waffle sandwich. Themed dinner menus coordinated with specific performances provide delicious surprises and, yes, you can get a good glass of wine with your intermission meal. (TS) 131 S. Main, Salt Lake City, 801-509-7871, EncoreBistroSLC.com

wn South Best Downtoebut AmericanBeDst Empanadas

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Argentina’s

Best High-Mileage Chef Emmanuel Levarek

NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 93

Owner Eric DeBonis has a well-traveled secret weapon at his Sea Salt and The Paris restaurants: It’s longtime chef Emmanuel Levarek, a Parisian of many talents that extend beyond the kitchen.

Among them, he moonlights at a purser for Delta Airlines, frequently traveling the SLC to Charles de Gaulle route. We doubt if Levarek is eligible for frequent flyer Skymiles on Delta, but if he were, he’d likely have millions in his account. When he’s not catering to international travelers with panache and professionalism, you’ll find “E-Man” doing what he does best: cooking in two of our city’s finest restaurants. (TS) TheParis.net; SeaSaltSLC.com

NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 93

The Pie Hole is everything one wants in a latenight pizza joint.

They’re always pumping good music, the décor hits the shabby-ch ic sweet spot, and they create pizza monstrosities that reflect a canny awarenes s of their nocturn al clientele. The Munchy Mango ($ 16. 50), a pie toppe d with mango chunks, jalapeño slices and thai peanut sauce, is but one exam ple in their repe rtoire. On paper, those ingredients don’t sound like the y’d play nice with each other, bu t it actually reflec ts a thoughtful balance of flavors.

It’s tasty at any tim e of day, but there’s something about ordering thi s beast at 1 a.m. that makes it particularly spec ial. (AS) 344 S. State, Salt Lake City, 801-359 -4653, PieHoleUtah.com

The Pie

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Best Midnight Sna

ck The Munchy Mang o at The Pie Hole

Best Pizza Place That’s Taking Soooo Long to Build

ANA V

When Romina Rasmussen starts her class in the delicate and highly buttered world of croissantmaking, she asks each person’s name and then goes around her restaurant, repeating all the names until you feel you are an ingredient in one of her locally famous, travel-inspired pastries. For anyone who’s ever wondered just how you get that flaky, layered texture, the answer is lots of folding of butter into dough. By the end of the class, you’ll have half a dozen croissants ready to pop into the oven, and the dough and butter to make a whole bunch more. Rasmussen succinctly demystifies the art of croissants so anyone can make them, although weight-watchers beware—it takes an awful lot of butter. (SD) 216 E. 500 South, Salt Lake City, 801-355-2294, LesMadeleines.com

BEST OF UTAH 2016: STAFF CHOICE 2016: STAFF CHOICE

BEST OF UTAH

Frog Bench Farms

Tucked away in a commercial building near Holladay Village, Rice Basil is easy to overlook. But do so at your own peril, because passing by Rice Basil means passing up some of the best Asian fare our city has to offer. The gorgeous interior and lovely ambiance is the perfect setting for the exquisite Asian-inspired cuisine here. You’ll think you’re at Nobu with eyepopping and palate-pleasing dishes such as jalapeño hamachi, saba shioyaki or the delectable sashimi platter. And, desserts like Key Lime Calypso are works of modern art. The first-class, friendly and professional service should convince you to put Rice Basil into your GPS immediately. (TS) 2335 E. Murray-Holladay Road, Holladay, 801-278-8682, RiceBasil.com

Best Lighter-Than-Air Bagels Rich’s Bagels

Rich’s Bagels invented its signature Asiago cheese bagel, which has a light and chewy texture and is so popular, it’s shipped worldwide. A brother-sister team with extended family have all been part of the business for 24 years. The Rich’s Asiago bagel is so flavorful, it’s tasty even without cream cheese.

There’s nary a freezer on the premises, and dough is prepared fresh, proofed overnight and baked the next day, resulting in hearty flavor and airy texture. Along with the bagels, almost everything else—including the cookies, bread and salads—is made on site. The hot egg bagel sandwiches are especially good. (CC) 6191 S. Highland Drive, 801-277-3137, RichsBagels.com

Best Cup of Mud in Cache County Caffe Ibis

94 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

DEREK CA

JOHN TAYLOR

Rice Basil

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94 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

RLISLE

2016: STAFF CHOICE BEST OF UTAH 2016: STAFF CHOICE BEST OF UTAH

Best Under-the-Radar Asian

Ahh, Logan. There are certainly some aspects of the place that make one wonder if its citizens aren’t just decades and decades ahead of the curve. One such example is Caffe Ibis, which began in 1976 as the Straw Ibis Market and Café. By 1985, the café had blossomed into one of the state’s first coffee roasters—a practice it continues to this day. On the forward-thinking note: A sign on the door in July informed customers that internet access was no longer going to be provided. Why? Because Caffe Ibis is a place where people can be with other people, not their glowing machines. (CF) 52 Federal Ave., Logan, 435-753-4777, CaffeIbis.com

Best Place to Get a Warm, Greasy Peach Fritter Donut Boy

We take for granted that doughnuts are bakery items and therefore baked, not fried. Usually because by the time we get to them the oil has dripped off or dried, leaving no hint of the sexy little circles’ greasy genesis. And although they're only doughnuts by association, the sublime peach fritters at the new-ish Donut Boy in West Valley are made to order and, in addition to being crispy and chewy, they’re damned near juicy. If you, like my wife (or The Greasy Strangler—another film rec, parental guidance is advised), are into that sort of thing, that’s a bonus. If you’re sclerotic, just sniff 'em. (RH) 2194 W. 3500 South, West Valley City, 385-528-0782

Best Apple Cider Slush Rowley’s Red Barn

There’s nothing like the taste of an apple freshly picked at a local farm. Unless it’s the taste of those apples pressed into fresh apple cider. Or, to take it up a notch—as Rowley’s Red Barn does—the taste of that fresh apple cider transformed into an icy frozen treat that’s unlike anything you’ll find in a convenience store. You can even add some of their wonderful ice cream to take an already delicious refreshment and given an à la mode kick. (SR) 901 S. 300 West, Santaquin, 801-754-5511; 25 N. 300 West, Washington, 435-652-6611, RowleysRedBarn.com

Best Sushi that Isn’t Takashi Happy Sumo

If I had to choose one type of food to eat every day for the rest of my life, it would hands-down be sushi.

Only problem is I’m also stingy. Thankfully I stumbled upon addicting bang-for-the buck rolls (in the $8$14 range) this year at Happy Sumo. Additional bonuses: It tastes the same every time, they’re open seven days a week and the service is almost always fast. I’d like to think I’m culinarily adventurous, but (disclaimer) I lean toward spicy flavors and generally stay away from things that are deep-fried or include cream cheese. That being said, my personal favorite there is the Baja Roll ($8.95), with spicy tuna, avocado and cilantro topped with sriracha and jalepeño slices.

For a starter, their miso soup is always my go-to.

Nigiri tends to be a bit more expensive ($4-$7 for two pieces), but I can rarely resist the perfectly prepared unagi. (AH) Multiple locations, HappySumoSushi.com

Best Makeover

Stoneground Kitchen In the 16 years since Bob McCarthy opened Stoneground Kitchen, a lot has changed. The Italian-inspired eatery has gone from pizza-joint atmosphere with a pool table as the main piece of décor, to an upscale restaurant with an ambiance to match. The Stoneground makeover included a beautiful upstairs patio complete with fire pit and contemporary design, while the natural woodand-stone interior is eye-pleasing and soothing.

But not just the visuals have changed: With chef Justin Shifflett at the helm, Stoneground has also become a top-notch destination restaurant in Salt Lake City with delicious dishes such as black tagliatelle with lobster, ricotta gnocchi verde with pan-roasted clams and nduja, and pizzas that will leave you wanting more. (TS) 249 E. 400 South, Salt Lake City, 801-364-1368, StonegroundSLC.com

Best Frontrunner Fare Café Sabor

Located in the space that was home for many years to Doug & Emmy’s Family Restaurant and Café, Sabor is literally just a few steps from the Layton’s Frontrunner train station. Along with typical Mexican combo plates of tacos, burritos, tamales, enchiladas and such, Café Sabor also offers chicken mole, camarones a la diabla, carne asada and a robust selection of margaritas, like the Bear Lake made with raspberries, Lunazul Blanco tequila, sweet and sour mix and Chambord. ¡Salúd! (TS) 200 S. Main, Layton, 385-245-1636

Best Freshest Chinese and Vietnamese Pan Wok

Pan Wok is a hidden Millcreek gem where all of the sauces—from lemon to pon pon to teriyaki, even the chili sauce—are housemade. Combine fresh ingredients with fast, friendly service and artfully arranged dishes and you have a winner for lunch. Popular choices include the Singapore noodles, the Pon Pon dish and vermicelli noodle dish. There’s even a magazine shelf filled with a variety of periodicals to entertain your brain. (CC) 2955 E. 3300 South, Salt Lake City, 801-486-8199, PanWok.com

Best Bitey Ale

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Salt Lake City’s Oasis Café could not be more aptly named, since it truly is an urban oasis. Now owned by Joel and Hill LaSalle, Oasis Café and adjacent Golden Braid Books have been serving as a peaceful and serene escape from the city’s hustle and bustle for 21 years. A menu filled with mostly organic and locally sourced foods matches the wholesome atmosphere of Oasis Café, where lingering over a book—maybe Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance—or making use of the eatery’s free Wi-Fi is commonplace. Serving spirited food and drink, it's a sublime city sanctuary. (TS) 151 S. 500 East, Salt Lake City, 801-322-0404, OasisCafeSLC.com

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Best Pie with a Side of History

The Tin Angel is a locally owned, locally driven Art, Dining and Cocktail experience in the heart of Downtown Salt Lake’s Historic Pioneer Park District with ample off street parking.

2016: STAFF CHOICE

For Sugar House residents who’ve discovered the genteel delights of the Wasatch Brew Pub (there’s a second up at Park City), pulling up for a beer with your dog on the street patio in the summer holds all the pleasures of metropolitan life. Order a plate of their scrumptious Whiskey Salt Tater Tots and the question of what suds to suck down with them looms large. In a beer menu chock full of pleasures, their jalapeño cream ale, however, is one of the standouts. It’s smooth, rich and flavor-deep and with that perfect bite at the back of the throat that has you coming back for more.

As beers go, this particular ale is a local treasure, no more so than on a hot summer’s day when you’re craving cool, spicy nectar. (SD) Multiple locations, WasatchBeers.com

BEST OF UTAH

NOW ACCEPTING RESERVATIONS FOR HOLIDAY PARTIES

Jalapeño Cream Ale by Wasatch Brewery

Reservations: 801-328-4155

GIFT CERTIFICATES AVAILABLE

Gifford Homestead in Capitol Reef National Park

CITYWEEKLY.NET

A drive through Capitol Reef National Park isn’t complete without stopping for pie at the historic Gifford Homestead.

Nestled in the Fruita valley among bountiful fruit orchards, this historic pioneer home sells freshly baked sweet treats and housemade pickles and jam. After you take in the family heirlooms and photos in each room of the small refurbished house, treat yourself to pie. Made from local fruit, the petite pies sell for $6 each, add a scoop of ice cream for $1 more.

Enjoy your pie at one of the picnic benches in the yard and take in the scenic views and history as well as the perfect crust and sweet fruit filling. (AR) NPS.gov

Best Massive Dessert in Cache County

NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 95

As it should be, stepping into the old-timey confines of The Bluebird Restaurant in Logan is akin to stepping back in time. But unlike so many awesome old joints that still dot the highways of Utah, The Bluebird’s prices and dessert sizes remain frozen in another era. The gut-busting stock banana split ($5.05) comes with two flavors of ice cream, three toppings, whipped cream, nuts and a cherry. Sit at the marble bar and watch a white-shirted, tie-wearing waiter meticulously pile on the ingredients. If you’re still hungry afterward, you can always order a burger and fries and get a box of chocolates on the way out. (CF) 19 N. Main, Logan, 435-752-3155, TheBluebirdRestaurant.com

TON RICHARD FEL

The Bluebird Restaurant

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2016: STAFF CHOICE

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BEST OF UTAH

2016: STAFF CHOICE

2014

135 W. 1300 S. | 801.487.4418

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BEST OF UTAH

THANK YOU TO OUR AMAZING STAFF. AND A SPECIAL THANK YOU TO ALL OF OUR CUSTOMERS.

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2016: STAFF CHOICE BEST OF UTAH 2016: STAFF CHOICE Best Bar’s Bar The Republican

100 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

Such is the Republican’s modesty that the only external sign that this 12-year-old staple of State Street exists is an Irish flag and a red door. As Irish pubs go, it’s quiet, friendly, well-stocked and a tad cavernous.

Come in out of the daylight after 4 p.m. when it opens and you'll stand there blinking owlishly. But what makes this bar so great is its reliability, its sense of place and purpose.

There’s a heart to this bar best defined by the bar itself, the largest in Salt Lake City.

While there’s bristle dart boards and a shuffleboard to distract and entertain, the more you go there, the more the bar draws your admiration and affection. It stretches a good two-thirds of the hall, and has hooks for jackets in front of stools. When you belly up and order a Guinness or a PBR and a shot of Jameson, it provides the undeniable pleasure of making you feel truly at home.

(SD) 917 S. State, Salt Lake City, 801-595-1916

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Best Resource for Downtown Club Hoppin’ The Society

A few years ago, Josh Webber relocated to Utah from Los Angeles, full of all the usual outsider ideas about Salt Lake City being dead for nightlife. When he found that wasn’t the case, he wanted to create a way to encourage even more people to discover that reality. The result is The Society, a membership card offering discounts and perks—from bypassing lines to avoiding cover charges—at locations including Area 51, Sky, The Urban Lounge and more. Suddenly, you can experience SLC nightclubs while holding VIP status in the palm of your hand. (SR) TheSocietyU.com

RLISLE

The 2nd & 2nd area might have become popular because of the rise of bars and businesses, but one of the best drink deals you can get anywhere in the city belongs to Johnny’s. Throughout the week you can pop in and snag a shot and a beer for a mere $4— more than enough to fuel the conversations on their sidewalk patio, play a few rounds of pool, watch the game on TV or enjoy one of their single-band shows. It’s an awesome way to get out and socialize over a few drinks without busting your wallet. (GS) 165 E. 200 South, SLC, 801-746-3334 JohnnysOnSecond.com

Best Date to Preten That Allows You d You’re in Fight Club

DEREK CA

Johnny’s on Second

CITYWEEKLY.NET

100 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

JOSH SCHEUERMAN

BEST OF UTAH

Best Boozy Deal

Best Bar to Get Your Booze Geek On The Rest

Step 1: Make a reservation by phone or online. Use a false name if you’re feeling particularly 007, Mr. Bond.

Step 2: Show up and give the bartender at (equally excellent) Bodega your 411.

Step 3: Glide on down to one of the most badass basement bars in the 801.

Step 4: Soak up the vibe: taxidermy, vintage vinyl spinning, crazy-ass reliquaries of the seven deadly sins peeking out of every booth.

Step 5: Order the ‘bitters tasting’ at the bar and prepare to get schooled—in the best possible way—on all the ins and outs of this esoteric cocktail ingredient. All flavors are handmade at The Rest and bottled under the rather mysteriously marketed brand Honest John Bitters Co. Step 6: Lather, rinse, repeat as needed. (DD) 331 S. Main, Salt Lake City, 801-532-4042, Bodega331.com

JOSH SCHEUERMAN

Utah becomes 36th state to ratify the 21st Amendment

FERMENTED, DISTILLED AND BOTTLED IN UTAH

Best Midvale Bullseye Scofy’s Social Club

This watering hole covers all the bases. For starters, it’s a great spot to catch the game and chow down on a garlic burger.

But Scofy’s is also the bullseye for the High West Darts league Tuesday nights and Blind Draw tournaments on Wednesday, Friday and Sunday. On weekends, there’s live music, DJs, standup comedy nights and even Paint Nites for the creatively inclined.

Choose from 16 beers on tap along with a full bar and a satisfying pub menu that includes steak dinners, appetizer samplers and the decadent fried-onion “flower.” There are spacious meeting rooms, perfect for your company shindigs. And, of course, there’s an expansive patio out front for when things get rowdy. It’s just a classy but comfy Midvale hangout that appeals to a wide swathe of humankind. (JW) 7176 S. 900 East, Midvale, 801-938-4505

2016: STAFF CHOICE

AT LAST!

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PROHIBITION ENDS

White Rum

Bottle Design

Best Old-World Fare Bohemian Brewery

Man cannot live on Bohemian’s Old School 1842 Czech Style Pilsener alone, although we wouldn’t mind trying. Luckily, Bohemian Brewery’s menu is spiked with plenty of Old-World eating options, leaning toward Eastern Europe. Splendid choices include pierogies stuffed with dill-seasoned spuds and cheese, topped with caramelized onions and bacon bits, and served with a dollop of dill sour cream on the side. For Continental fare, there are robust dishes of chicken paprikash, schweinshaxe, beef stroganoff, goulash, Czech fruit dumplings and Moravian apple strudel. Na zdravi! (TS) 94 E. Fort Union Blvd., Midvale, 801-566-5474, BohemianBrewery.com

JOHN TAYLOR

AVAILABLE IN LIQUOR STORES

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Locally Hand-Crafted Spirits

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DISTILLERY 36 2374 S. Redwood Rd • 801-983-7303

2016: STAFF CHOICE BEST OF UTAH

102 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

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Every Weekend 10AM-2PM Bloody Mary Bar, $1 Mimosas Full Brunch Menu, Amazing Vegan Options Black Friday, Boxing Day & New Years Day Brunch

801.468.1492 ยง 1492 S. STATE STREET | PIPERDOWNPUB.COM

JOHN TAYLOR

Best Way to Make It Home Safely After Your DD Bails and Uber is on Surge Salt Lake City Pedicabs

Pedicabs cruising around the streets of Salt Lake City aren’t just for the ambience. And it shouldn’t be much of a challenge to stumble from the barstool and hail a driver. Thanks to a new city ordinance, customers and pedicabs are required to negotiate a price before the trip begins, which will help both sides avoid disputes once a destination is reached. If you want the driver to drop a beat, most of the carriages are equipped with speakers. And if you’re fearful your drunken ass won’t be able to stay in the seat, the cabs are now required to have seat belts. (DWH) SLCBikeTaxi.com; SaltCityCycleCab.com

Best Arthouse Add-On

21+ Balcony Screenings at Tower Theatre

Best Sub-Zero Suds Copper Creek Pub & Grub

Best Dive Bar Secretly Started By a Former Mayor of Ogden Funk ’n’ Dive

Doesn’t matter what decade—Ogden seems to know how to do things right.

Started during the prohibition era, former mayor Ora Bundy founded the original Funk ’n’ Dive as a speakeasy in the shallow basement of the city’s courthouse. The courthouse has moved and the façade has changed, but the bar remains as the only five-star bar in town with cheap food, poker nights and acoustic music showcases. If you’re ever feeling nostalgic for the true spirit of Utah in the face of adversity, take a trip up to Washington Boulevard and toast one of the few public officials to completely ignore a government mandate. (GS) 550 Washington Blvd., Ogden, 801-621-3483, Facebook.com/FunknDive

CLASS OF 2010

Bar Place to Look for Your Dad’s Name THE HOG WALLOW PUB

NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 103

While downtown Salt Lake City continues to pile up “dead” clubs (The Zephyr, Dead Goat Saloon, Port O’ Call), outlying areas still boast bars with serious history. The proof at Hog Wallow is written on the walls—literally. Many patrons of the popular Big Cottonwood watering hole can find their parents’ names carved into the wood ceiling—proof that at least two generations tossed back brews at the very same spot. With any luck, your grandchildren will find your name etched up there, too.

3200 E. Big Cottonwood Canyon Road, Cottonwood Heights, 801-733-5567, TheHogWallow.com

NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 103

Tucked behind a Rancheritos out in West Valley City, Copper Creek has some of the best pub food you can find in the west end of town. But the true selling point to hang out is the beer, as it was tested to be 34 degrees Fahrenheit, making it the coldest beer served on tap in the city. And to keep it that way, the bar crew keeps all their steins readily frozen to ensure that the drinks they pour won't hit room temperature too soon. That’s some service and dedication we can drink to. (GS) 3451 S. 5600 West, Ste. A, SLC, 801-417-0052, CopperCreekPub.com

Elixir Lounge

The classy Elixir Lounge is just a stone’s throw from the Cottonwood canyons. Which means after you crush the mountain slopes, this is the place to meet your pals and clink your cocktail tumbler, wine glass or beer stein and swap tall tales. It’s also a cozy neighborhood bar and a great place to meet for after-work drinks. The bartenders take pride in slinging all kinds of martinis and Manhattans, made with locally crafted liquors when possible. One sip of these magical concoctions will leave you with a rosy glow. Order some appetizers or a delicious Italian entrée from Trio (located next door) to make the night complete. (JW) 6405 S. 3000 East, Holladay, 888-991-8147, ElixirLoungeSLC.com

CITYWEEKLY.NET

It’s pretty bitchin’ now that our beloved arthouse cinema, Tower Theatre, is getting in on the action with special 21+ VIP balcony screenings. That means you no longer have to sneak your PBRs into the cinema. That’s a good thing, because the VIP ticket gets you free delicious craft beer, and you also don’t have to muffle the sweet whisper-crack of your 12-ounce frosted barley pop, lest you disturb your fellow cinephiles as they watch Nosferatu with live musical accompaniment. One qualm, however: Each successive trip to see the beer dude—in the dark, on those skinny steps, obscuring the view of others—is dicier than the last. But ultimately, it’s a win. (RH) 876 E. 900 South, Salt Lake City, 801-321-0310, SaltLakeFilmSociety.org

JOHN TAYLOR

BEST OF UTAH 2016: STAFF CHOICE 2016: STAFF CHOICE

BEST OF UTAH

Best Après Cocktails in the City

2016: STAFF CHOICE BEST OF UTAH 2016: STAFF CHOICE Whiskey Street

When we think of bar food, we’re usually in the realm of pretzels, peanuts, pickled eggs and maybe Buffalo chicken wings, right?

Well, that is certainly not the case at Whiskey Street, where bar snacks and appetizers are elevated to an entirely new level.

Instead of reaching for a bag of Corn Nuts, how about a bowl of bourbon-bacon caramel popcorn? Rather than mixed nuts from a can, Whiskey Street dishes out curried cashews with Moroccanspiced peanuts and pecans. Short-rib polenta poutine in the place of pretzels, anyone? And we’re pretty certain you’d prefer Parmesan truffle fries over stale potato chips while you imbibe. (TS) 323 S. Main, Salt Lake City, 801433-1371, WhiskeyStreet.com

Best Way to Get Drunk Playing Donkey Kong

CITYWEEKLY.NET

Bricks

104 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

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J OHN

TAYLO R

JOSH SCHEUERMAN

BEST OF UTAH

Best at Raising the Bar

The resurrection of Bricks in it’s original downtown location was a club phenomenon that was sorely overlooked.

But that’s OK, because the new incarnation brings about an entirely different vibe as Utah’s only barcade. With arcade machines reminiscent of those found in Japanese bars, you can slide over for a quick drink between bands at In The Venue and catch Pac-Man fever again with your friends.

Or pop in for one of their many themed Saturday nights that have included drunken lazer tag and costume parties. (GS) 579 W. 200 South, Salt Lake City, 801-359-3219, Facebook.com/BricksSLC

Best Well-Deserved, Undeserved Reputation Liquid Joe's

Somehow, Liquid Joe’s developed a reputation for being a meat market for meatheads in backward baseball caps, cover bands and third-rate metal and white-boy funk bands with laughable names. It’s kinda fair, but mostly not. Liquid Joe’s is the United Nations of SLC nightlife. The meatheads and woo girls still come around, but so do bikers, B-boys, geeks, heshers and hipsters. Cover bands remain a big part of Joe’s live music offerings, but it’s the goodness: The Spazmatics, Metal Gods and tribute bands like Irony Man and Dirt Cheap. Joe’s also books the stuff you can’t always find at other venues: old-school ’80s hard rock and metal bands like Kix and Grim Reaper, hip-hop like Madchild and Locksmith, cult bands like Guided by Voices and Roger Clyne & the Peacemakers, and rock en español acts like Leyenda Oculta and La Calavera. All this, without going all the way downtown? I pledge allegiance. (RH) 1249 E. 3300 South, Millcreek, 801-467-5637, LiquidJoes.net

Best Woodsy-Themed Bar Campfire Lounge

What’s not to love about Campfire? Their drinks are fantastic, their food is delicious, their prices are more than reasonable and their service is great. Best of all, though, is the camping theme that ties it all together. Outdoorsy cocktails include the S’morestini ($7.50), Trail Mix (Chambord, Irish cream, Frangelico and heavy cream, $7) and the Trailer Park (Tito’s vodka, Kool-Aid and lime, $6). Food menu items range from “hobo dinners” (your choice of meat and/or vegetables wrapped in tin foil and cooked over a campfire, $5.50-$9.50) to standard pub fare like burgers, tacos and wings. And, of course, it wouldn't be woodsy with out plenty of outdoor seating. The spacious patio has several fire pits, and it's even dog-friendly. (AH) 837 E. 2100 South, Salt Lake City, 801-467-3325, CampfireLounge.com

BEST OF UTAH

3200 E BIG COTTONWOOD RD. | 801.733.5567 THEHOGWALLOW.COM

NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 105

live music

CITYWEEKLY.NET

GOOD FOOD • GOOD SPIRITS • GOOD COMPANY

2016: STAFF CHOICE

THE PLACE TO BE FOR APRES SKI!

JOSH SCHEUERMAN

2016: STAFF CHOICE BEST OF UTAH

CITYWEEKLY.NET

106 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

Best for Office Parties Bourbon House

Admittedly, we might be biased since we’ve held several City Weekly soirées at Bourbon House. But, try it, and we think you’ll be convinced that this Official Pub Partner of Real Salt Lake is an excellent spot to host your own private shindig. Whether it be an office gathering, going-away party, birthday bash or anniversary celebration, the super friendly and accommodating staff at Bourbon House will welcome you with open arms, great brews, signature drinks (the pickle-back shots are unbeatable) and nibbles like burrata, carne cruda, bourbon meatballs, flatbread pizzas and more. Oh, and they are open to the public, as well. (TS) 19 E. 200 South, Salt Lake City, 801-746-1005, BourbonHouseSLC.com

Best Hair-of-the-Dog Brunch The Royal Tucked behind a mall, nestled in the trees and overlooking the creek, The Royal is a roomy concert venue, but also fills the bill as a sports pub, karaoke and open-mic hot spot, and a damn decent bar and grill. This spot is sure to make your weekends memorable, and that includes offering great brunches.

Serving up a bodacious menu of chicken-and-waffles, huevos rancheros burritos and Grand Marnier French toast (just to name a few offerings), the Royal’s drink and wing specials are sure to help you crawl out of any hole and rejoin the living. (JW) 4760 S. 900 East, Salt Lake City, 801-590-9940, TheRoyalSLC.com

Best Place to Cut Community College Classes

CLASS OF 2015 WESTERNER CLUB

JOSH SCHEUERMAN

Best Place to Get Day-Drunk Sky

Just barely a year old, Sky is a popular threestory event space and nightclub in downtown SLC. It's hosted numerous shows this year, including City Weekly’s Best of Utah Music winners show last March, and are particularly known for electronic/DJ shows, such as the regularly occurring Therapy Thursdays and Sky Saturdays. Lesser known, however, is the series of Sunday day parties—which they call Seven—co-hosted by Live Nite Events. Various touring and local DJs played on Sky's patio outside starting in April and ending just this past month, including Bakermat, Shaun Frank and Michael Calfan. The crowd’s always fun and their dance moves always shameless—yes, even at 2 p.m. on a Sunday. (AH) 149 Pierpont Ave., Salt Lake City, 801-883-8714, SkySLC.com

Best Tryptophan-Induced Dance Party Club 90

From Taco Tuesday to Jazz Wednesday to a ladies Bunco night and an unexpected weekend brunch, you gotta give a hand to Club 90 for being one of the most diversified nighttime playgrounds around. Knowing that you’ll need a post-Thanksgiving escape (no amount of clapbacks will wear down your Trump-supporter uncle, who will be both on a winning and a gravy high), Club 90 hosts a Thanksgiving after-party aided by the sounds of DJ C Horse on November 25 and 26. Already dreading Christmas?

Their “Naughty or Nice” burlesque night on Saturday, Dec. 17 is guaranteed to put the rose back in those cheeks and raise the temperature to 101, Mr. Heat Meiser. (EL) 9065 S. Monroe St., Sandy, 801-566-3254, Club90SLC.com

Opened in 1962, by now the famous Westerner (billed as Utah’s biggest and baddest dance hall and grill) has served at least three or four generations of Utahns hellbent on having a good time.

When it comes to good times, few places deliver the goods like the Westerner.

You can choose: sit in a nightclub and drink all night and never meet a soul outside the miserable group you came in with, or get up off your butt and have fun in club that has good times written all over it. The art of dancing (when people talk, touch and move about) is not lost at the Westerner, which boasts Utah’s largest dance floor (dance lesson every Wednesday), nor is the art of mechanical bull-riding (Friday nights is bikini bull riding—check!) or the art of live music, with sets played by the area’s best country acts, plus occasional concert performances. The Westerner is a genuine throwback to a time when people went out to have a good time, not just to sit around. There’s a lot to be said about a bar that has lasted this long. It’s not trendy, it’s real.

3360 S. Redwood Road, Salt Lake City, 801-972-5447, WesternerSLC.com

2016: STAFF CHOICE

OK, Piper Down is a lot more than a dark corner where you can hide from your responsibilities as a student at Salt Lake Community College’s South City Campus. It’s a real Irish pub, their live music bookings are well-curated, there’s a nice back patio, and they have poker and geek trivia weekly. Plus, they serve booze and a delightful thing called a Smothered Leprechaun. Then again, all that—and proximity—are why you want to take a respite from your studies at Piper Down, too. (RH) 1492 S. State, SLC, 801-468-1492 PiperDownPub.com

BEST OF UTAH

Best Good-Times Time Machine

Piper Down

WORK IS THE CURSE OF THE DRINKING CLASS

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1215 Wilmington Avenue, Suite 120 | 801.869.3730 | Sunday - Saturday 4PM - 2AM

2016: YEAR BOOK BEST OF UTAH

S S CLA John Saltas

Enrique Limรณn

Ted Scheffler

Randy Harward

Andrea Harvey

Sarah Arnoff

Josh Scheuerman

Larry Carter

Anna Papadakis

Paula Saltas

Pete Saltas

Christian Priskos

Tyeson Rogers

Sierra Sessions

iBi u uB

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2016: READERS BEST OF UTAH

CITYWEEKLY.NET

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Dylan Woolf Harris

Lance Gudmundsen

Jerre Wroble

Derek Carlisle

Cait Lee

Alissa Dimick

Bryan Bale

Nicole Enright

Kathy Mueller

See you next Year

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CITYWEEKLY.NET

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Mikey Saltas

2016: READERS

Scott Renshaw

2016: YEAR BOOK

Colby Frazier

BEST OF UTAH

BEST OF UTAH

Stephen Dark

2016: READERS BEST OF UTAH

CITYWEEKLY.NET

110 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

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The Wool Cabin 2020 East 3300 South Suite 11 SLC | 801.466.1811 Monday-Friday 10-6 Saturday 10-4 www.thewoolcabin.com | Like us on Facebook!

BEST OF UTAH

2016: READERS

2016: READERS

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BEST OF UTAH

H A T U T S BE

By Sarah Arnoff, Lance Gudmundsen, Enrique Limón, Scott Renshaw, Mikey Saltas, Gavin Sheehan and Jerre Wroble

NIKI CHAN

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CITYWEEKLY.NET

MEDIA AND POLITICS

Bad Brad Wheeler

Even before taking oath as Salt Lake City’s 35th mayor, Biskupski proved there was a new sheriff in town when she asked most city department heads to hand in letters of resignation. Since then, the 50-year-old Minnesota native has tackled issues from alternative energy and air quality to homelessness. A Democrat, she cut her legislative teeth during six terms in the Utah House—the state’s first LGBTQ elected official.

She’s not all business, though. In August, she married her longtime partner, Betty Iverson, in a private ceremony at Log Haven. Oh, by the way, she confirms her signature curly tresses are, indeed, all natural—except the color. (LG) 2nd place: Ben McAdams 3rd place: Jim Dabakis

Best Local Twitter Feed

Ben Winslow, @BenWinslow A self-described “coverer of news," Winslow must be ambidextrous. While on-camera for Fox 13, he’s holding a mic in one hand and a mobile device in the other—tweeting live to a devoted fanbase. Or so it seems. His 140-character snippets about breaking news are often accompanied by photos. So eat your heart out, Donald Trump! Viewers trust Winslow’s earnest face as he reports on politics, polygamy and City Hall. But it’s his ability to navigate multiple platforms that makes him a one-off fixture in the SLC media market. (LG) 2nd place: Kerry Jackson, @RFHKerry 3rd place: Geekshow Podcast, @GeekShow

NIKI CHAN

Best Nonprofit Organization Best Friends Animal Society Unless you’re made of ice, there’s nothing more heart-wrenching than seeing an abused, abandoned or sick animal. With the credo, “A better world through kindness to animals,” Best Friends Animal Society has been saving critters— from dogs and cats to horses and rabbits— since the 1980s. Crown jewel is the nonprofit’s sanctuary in the red-rock canyon country near Kanab—the nation’s largest no-kill facility and home to 1,600 animals. The society also has adoption centers in New York, Los Angeles … and, of course, Salt Lake City. (LG) 2005 S. 1100 East, Salt Lake City, 801-574-2454, Utah.BestFriends.org 2nd place: The Road Home 3rd place: Humane Society of Utah

Now in its 30th year, Radio From Hell is a bona fide institution as the longest running radio show in the SLC area, with the possible exception of Music and the Spoken Word— another institution. Hosts Kerry Jackson, Bill Allred and Gina Barberi (with Richie T. in the booth) entertain listeners with seamless and smart banter mixed with the best in rock ’n’ roll. The irreverent crew stays true blue to the show’s mission statement, “to belittle the stupid … and offend as many people as possible.” (LG) 96.3 FM, Monday-Friday, 6-10 a.m., X96.com/ Radio-From-Hell 2nd place: ZHT 97.1 FM Morning Zoo 3rd place: KRCL 90.9 FM Little Bit Louder Now

John Swallow

l Best Political Scanda John Swal low

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UTAH.GOV

2016: READERS BEST OF UTAH

X96 Radio From Hell

Jackie Biskupski

112 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

KRCL 90.9 FM

Best Radio Show

Best Elected Offcial

CITYWEEKLY.NET

112 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

Best Public Radio Station

Except for the most die-hard rocker or rapper, most radio listeners DO get a tad weary of the same-old, same-old on commercial radio stations. Well, there’s an audio oasis on KRCL with its fresh and distinctive blend of folk, blues, indie and rock.

Every hour, you’ll hear at least one track by a homegrown artist. The station also trains its microphones at local arts personalities and performers—and has announced a lineup of 15 concerts on “Live at the Eccles” from SLC’s brand-new downtown venue. Do we hear applause? (LG) KRCL.org 2nd place: KUER 90.1 FM 3rd place: KCPW 88.3 FM/105.5 FM

HENRY SMITH

2016: READERS BEST OF UTAH

Jackie Biskupski

The Radio From Hell crew kicking back at The Bayou

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2016: READERS

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BEST OF UTAH

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JESS LEONARD

This Joint is Legal.

Best Radio Station X96 96.3 FM

X96 is the “Goldilocks” of SLC area radio: It’s “just right”— sticking with a tried-and-true formula of alternative music from the ’80s and ’90s, peppered with some newer indie rock. From Radio from Hell in the a.m. to Corey O’Brien in the 7-midnight slot, listeners seem never to tire of classic songs and classy banter. Some fans say X96 is as comfortable as an old pair of slippers. Make that a broken-in pair of Gucci loafers. (LG) X96.com 2nd place: KRCL 90.9 FM 3rd place: KUER 90.1 FM

Best Social Cause

Solving homelessness

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Voted Best Chiropractic Office 26th

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www.thejoint.com

NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 113

1126 E 2100 S 801.467.8683

CITYWEEKLY.NET

Listen; when it comes to social issues, regardless of the fact that our readers voted on them, it’s hard to spotlight one over the other. Salt Lake City is a beautiful place with some acute problems that need immediate action. Even after the city committed to a $30 million budget last month to help with much-needed affordable housing, the chronic homelessness problem here runs deep. Mental and physical health issues, drug addiction, recidivism, gentrification, food deserts and many other factors combine for the perfect storm. Sure, you could bitch on Facebook about it, as many other armchair activists do, or you could take a more active role and volunteer a day a week at the Fourth Street Clinic, Utah Food Bank, VOA Youth Resource Center for Homeless and At-risk Teens or many other admirable local institutions committed to being a solution. Remember the commitment you made with yourself to enact change during the Sanders campaign? The time to act on it is now.

(EL) 2nd place: LGBTQ Equality 3rd place: #BlackLivesMatter

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2016: READERS

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BEST OF UTAH

BEST OF UTAH

Best Sports Reporter

David James, KUTV 2News

Best TV Anchorw oman

Hope Woodsid

e, Fox 13

She might be from the W in He doesn’t look like a grizzled veteran, dy City, but Woodside is an yt hing but bl us but affable James has been covering the tery. Fox 13 audiences have come to admire Utah sports beat since 1992. Viewers and her smooth and sophisticat ed styl e—pl us listeners have come to trust his insight and her quick mind and wit. W ith Bo b Evans, she co nearly encyclopedic knowledge. As one -anchors Li ve at 5 and N ews at 9, and the tw fan observes, “He’s everybody’s buddy.” longes o are Utah’s t-running new s te am. In fact In addition to anchoring KUTV Channel 2’s been , they’ve inducted into the Utah Broa sport desk on weekends, James also hosts As soci dcasters ation Hall of Fa me. Ever y ye ar the popular Talkin' Sports. Morning drivers, famili , she’s a ar face at Fox 13’s wal kathon too, can hear him on Fox Sports' The Zone Strides , “Making Against Breast Cancer.” (LG) (97.5 FM/1280 AM). (LG) 2nd pl ace: Mar y Ni ckel s, KUTV 2nd place: Dave Fox, KUTV 2News 2News 3rd pl ace: Kerr i Cronk, Fox 13 3rd place: Wesley Ruff, ABC 4

Best TV Anchorman

Best TV News Reporter

After graduating college, Koelbel wanted to be a speech writer. “Then I realized that if your candidate doesn’t win, you don’t work,” he told an interviewer. Politicians’ loss was local TV’s gain—and for nearly 20 years, he’s delivered the news with authority and panache. Viewers instinctively know he’s more than just another clone—that he’s earned his journalistic bona fides amid the debris left

by Hurricane Hugo and in the war-ravaged villages of Iraq. Oh, did we mention that this is his ninth BoU award? (LG) 2nd place: Dan Evans, Fox 13 3rd place: Ron Bird, KUTV 2News

Winslow is making out like a bandit this year with his two BoU wins (the other for best Twitter feed). Like a newsy octopus, he covers the courts, politics and polygamy beats for Fox 13 across all platforms known to man (and some we believe were developed by A.I. just for him)—all while maintaining an approachable attitude and a keen insider’s perspective. At this point, we’re not sure if Winslow cares about receiving yet another BoU award, so we’ll give this one to his enviable well-groomed beard. Your beard rocks, man. No one on staff admitted to ever touching it, but we’re sure it feels silky smooth and smells like manly cotton candy spun by the Baby Jesus himself. (EL) 2nd place: Big Budah, Fox 13 3rd place: Chris Jones, KUTV 2News

Mark Koelbel, KUTV 2News

Ben Winslow, Fox 13

KUTV 2News

When network announcers intone, “And now time for your local news,” many Utahns instinctively press “2” on their remotes. They know they’ll get the straight, balanced and unvarnished story from a team of seasoned professionals. From anchorman Mark Koelbel’s trademark smooth to Rod Deck’s trademark tough, viewers can count on a comprehensive wrap-up of what’s going on in their backyards and beyond. And let’s not forget Get Gephardt going after those schemers and scoundrels we all love to hate. (LG) KUTV.com 2nd place: Fox 13 3rd place: KSL Channel 5

Best Weather Reporter Allison Croghan, Fox 13

After a killer tornado devastated Joplin, Mo., in 2011, neophyte reporter Croghan was one of the first on the scene. Almost on the spot, the U of Mississippi grad decided to make meteorology her specialty. Landing a job at Fox 13 the following year, she’s been sharing her passion for the weather with appreciative viewers. Croghan navigates those maps, charts and images with authority and ease. You can catch her on the Fox 13 set—unless she’s out chasing that rare Utah funnel cloud. (LG) 2nd place: Brett Benson, Fox 13 3rd place: Sterling Poulson, KUTV 2News

Hope Woodside

JOHN TAYLOR

NIKI CHAN

114 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

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CITYWEEKLY.NET

Mark Koelbel

Best TV News Station

Worst Utahn

Gary Herbert

JESS LEONARD

2016: READERS

Best Utahn

BEST OF UTAH

In May, the stench of pay-for-play still lingered in the state Capitol’s marble halls—aftermath of the monumental Shurtleff/Swallow scandal—when it drifted downtown and into the august Alta Club.

There, Gov. Gary Herbert huddled with campaign staffers. What if donors with deep pockets wanted to have a chummy face-to-face?

“Let’s just say, I’m available,” Herbert was caught on tape saying. “I’m Available Jones.” Contributors will get “quality time,” he continued, “but we’ve got to raise the money.” Tell that to Utahns breathing toxic air, poor folks needing more than Herbert’s anemic “Healthy Utah” plan, and the Average Joe tired of paying for futile lawsuits to wrest the state’s public lands from federal control. Not to mention school kids who get by on the lowest per-pupil spending in the country. (LG) 2nd place: Mike Lee 3rd place: Jason Chaffetz

Buttoned-down billionaire Jon Huntsman Sr. and flashy Frank Sinatra are kindred spirits—in one respect. “If you possess something but you can’t give it away, then you don’t possess it; it possesses you,” observed the late crooner. And that seems to be the Utah industrialists’ credo, too. Forbes estimates he’s thus far given away $1.5 billion—and that doesn’t count his 10 percent Mormon tithing. Most visible benefactor of his philanthropy is the world-class Huntsman Cancer Institute in SLC. His avowed goal is to dispose of 80 percent of his worth before he joins Old Blue Eyes in the Great Beyond. Among his nine children are Jon Jr., former GOP presidential candidate and ambassador, and Paul, owner and publisher of The Salt Lake Tribune. (LG) 2nd place: Tyler Glenn 3rd place: Thomas S. Monson

UTAH.GOV

Jon Huntsman Sr.

CITYWEEKLY.NET

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CITYWEEKLY.NET

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s e c i v r e S s d o o G and

Best Tattoo ShopCo.

CITYWEEKLY.NET

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2016: READERS BEST OF UTAH

Jed's Barber shop

Best Boutique

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Best Bookstore

The King’s English Bookshop

118 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

There’s something about the cozy setup of The King’s English—little nooks and crannies of individual categories—that makes it the kind of place where you want to settle in for hours and rummage through the shelves.

There’s plenty to discover if you do: not just best-sellers and classics from authors you grew up with, but a special attention to celebrating works by local authors and poets. Come for one of the regular author events, and then stick around to savor the unique pleasure of holding actual physical pages in your hands. (SR) 1511 S. 1500 East, Salt Lake City, 801-484-9100, KingsEnglish.com 2nd place: Weller Book Works 3rd place: Ken Sanders Rare Books

that greets you upon opening the door is an intoxicating mix of lotions and soaps. Then you realize Hip & Humble is a store that’s impossible to categorize: Kitchen gadgets share space with inspirational stationery, with baby bibs and books right around the corner, a basket of mittens over yonder, and clothes and jewelry in another small room.

Browsing becomes an act of discovery. (SR) 1043 E. 900 South, Salt Lake City, 801-467-3130, HipAndHumble.com 2nd place: IconoClad 3rd place: Blue Boutique

Best Comic-Book Store

Dr. Volt’s Comic Connection The instantaneous success of the Salt Lake Comic Con was proof that Utah loves its pop culture, but those who have long embraced the “comic” part of that name have always known it. Flying their flag high with their sponsorship of the popular Geekshow and Hello Sweetie podcasts, Dr. Volt’s provides one of those wonderful homes away from home for fans of graphic serial storytelling— whether you want to browse through back issues or simply inhale the brand-new adventures waiting for you in your holds.

(SR) 2043 E. 3300 South, Salt Lake City, 801-485-6114, DrVolts.com 2nd place: Black Cat Comics 3rd place: The Nerd Store

JESS LEONARD

STEVEN VARGO

2016: READERS BEST OF UTAH

hop Best Barber Sho p S d’s Barber

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The King's English Booskshop

Best Fishing/Hunting Supplies Sportsman’s Warehouse

From ski slopes and mountain streams to hiking trails and red-rock biking, Utah is a paradise for outdoorsy types. So it’s no surprise that Midvale is home to a retail paradise for those same outdoorsy types, with an appeal that has expanded nationwide. With dozens of locations across 20 states, Sportsman’s Warehouse offers the biggest and best selection of clothing and gear for every camper, hunter or just plain explorer. (SR) Multiple locations, SportsmansWarehouse.com 2nd place: Fish Tech Outfitters 3rd place: Western Rivers Flyfisher

Best Garden Supply Millcreek Gardens

When a garden-supply business covers the equivalent of a full city block, you can be pretty sure it has nearly everything you could possibly need—from mulch to tools to decorative sculptures to trees and seasonal plantings. But it’s also the kind of place where you could happily get lost, strolling along the paths in and out of greenhouses.

Whether you’re searching for a perfect addition to your landscaping, or just a quiet, green respite in the middle of the city, Millcreek Gardens has been the right place for more than 50 years. (SR) 3500 S. 900 East, Salt Lake City, 801-487-4131, MillcreekGardens.com 2nd place: Cactus & Tropicals 3rd place: Glover Nursery

BEST OF UTAH

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2016: READERS BEST OF UTAH

STEVEN VARGO

2016: READERS BEST OF UTAH

The Stockist

Best Motorcycle Repair

Best Pet Store

The award title is a bit misleading: It should be “salons,” plural, as the business launched in 1999 by the husband and wife team of Shawn Trujillo and Angie Katsanevas has grown to include a dozen locations in four states. They’ve been recognized by North American Hairstyling Awards as Salon Team of the Year, and they continue to build a reputation as true artists on the (no pun intended) cutting edge of styling savvy. (SR) Multiple locations, LunaticFringeSalon.com 2nd place: Sequel Salon 3rd place: Landis Lifestyle Salon

In a 2014 interview with City Weekly’s Gavin Sheehan, brothers Seth and Rev Clark said they started Salt City Builds because they “always hated having a boss.” Their “take this job and shove it” choice has been Salt Lake City’s gain, as they applied their mechanical skills and passion for motorcycles—which also manifests itself in organizing the Motos in Moab and Salty Bike Revival events—into a place that combines custom builds with expert repairs. (SR) 2212 S. West Temple, Salt Lake City, 801-810-9794, SaltCityBuilds.com 2nd place: DirtyRatMotocyCo 3rd place: Suicide Lane Cycles

Seven years ago, Ali Gempeler launched Paw Paw's because she recognized the need for self-serve pet washing downtown—a place with plenty of apartments and condos that didn’t make home pet-washing easy.

She combined an interest in serving that market with a desire to offer natural, organic pet foods and cleaning products, sourced as locally as possible. “We’re proud that we’ve built such relationships with our customers that they keep returning,” Gempeler says.

There’s good reason for that pride. (SR) 624 S. 300 West, Salt Lake City, 801-531-4200, PawPawsDogWash.com 2nd place: The Dog’s Meow 3rd place: Ma and Paws Bakery

Best Men’s Shop The Stockist

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A manly store for manly men isn’t just about denim and flannel, though you’ll certainly find them at this 9th & 9th store. It’s also an outpost of the Iron and Resin lifestyle brand representing free-spirited living, a place with the smell of leather where you can buy a new wallet or replace your worn-out Chuck Taylor AllStars. And when shopping grows wearying—as manly men know it does—you can take a load off on a comfortable couch as you contemplate your purchases. (SR) 875 E. 900 South, Salt Lake City, 801-532-3458, TheStockistShop.com 2nd place: Daley’s Clothing 3rd place: IconoClad

Salt City Builds

Paw Paw’s

KOI Piercing

Best Piercing Studio Koi

CLINT BURKE

Lunatic Fringe

CITYWEEKLY.NET

120 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

Best Hair Salon

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Randy's Records

BEST OF UTAH

2016: READERS

2016: READERS

STEVEN VARGO

BEST OF UTAH

Best Record Shop

Randy’s Record Shop

when For nearly 40 years—going back to cmusi only your vinyl was pretty much hetic aest an not and buying option, Salt statement—Randy’s has been providing rare find to e Lakers with an amazing plac tion records. It’s still the state’s largest selec s, able turnt plus , vinyl used and of new ingly reas speakers—inc and amplifiers les valuable commodities as man y audiophi al digit over og anal for rs dolla vote with their sales , $2 lar regu the of one for e Com d. soun y’s. and build your own collection from Rand (SR) 157 E. 900 South, Salt Lake City, 801-532-4 414, RandysRecords.com 2nd place: Diabolical Records 3rd place TIE: Raunch Records t 3rd place TIE: Graywhale Entertainmen

Best Thrift/Consignment Store

Best Vape Store

The appeal of a thrift store is often about more than what’s on the racks. And while you’ll find plenty of reasonably priced “pre-rocked” (as the store’s preferred terminology goes) clothing on those racks, it’s also the kind of place with a sign on the door suggesting that the store hours might vary a bit if “we may stumble in a few minutes late with a hangover.” Or you can take a shopping break on the couch next to a skeleton, and see if the store’s resident cat decides to come pay you a visit. (SR) 414 E. 300 South, Salt Lake City, 801-833-2272, IconoClad.com 2nd place: Uptown Cheapskate 3rd place: Name Droppers

It’s not easy to build the kind of loyal clientele that can make you an awardwinner after only a year of operation, but owner Holly Berry believes that’s part of the Blackhouse business model. “The whole reason we opened was so anybody could feel welcome,” she says. And the Sugar House store lives that concept, whether that means inviting everyone who comes in the door to have a seat and check out a menu of products, or offering a comfy couch to hang out and play Xbox. (SR) 2148 S. 900 East, Ste. 3, Salt Lake City, 801-467-6526, BlackHouseVapor.com 2nd place: iVape 3rd place: Urban Vapor

IconoClad

Black House Vapor Co.

IconoClad

Best Smoke Shop

Jeanie’s Smoke Shop

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DEREK CARLISLE

CITYWEEKLY.NET

NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 121

“It’s just a true Utah icon,” store manager Ron says of this old-fashioned tobacco shop, which traces its roots back to the 1940s.

“Plus you can’t beat the history: a devout Mormon, selling cigarettes and Playboys … a block from Temple Square.” Generations of Salt Lakers have found their favorite products in this same location, maintaining a fine tradition of providing a bit of forbidden fruit in the shadow of the Temple. (SR) 156 S. State, Salt Lake City, 801-532-9001, JeaniesSmokeShop.com 2nd place: Smoke Break Huka Outlet 3rd place: Smoker’s Guru

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pawpawsdogwash.com

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BEST OF UTAH

2016: READERS

2016: READERS

H A T U T S BE

Best Bowling Alley

Bonwood Bowl this Main Street establishment at Bonwood The experience

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JOHN TAYLOR

CITYWEEKLY.NET

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NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 123

n o i t a e r c e

s r o o Outd nd a

124 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

CITYWEEKLY.NET

JOSH SCHEUERMAN

BEST OF UTAH

2016: READERS

Contender Bicycles

Best Bike Shop

Contender Bicycles Contender’s massive bicycle palace at 9th & 9th contains everything a novice or connoisseur might need to get in gear. Take advantage of the shop’s tune-up packages and have your bike working like new, or consult one of their many experts to get the knowledge you need to DIY at home.

Cycling should be accessible to all, and Contender is passionate about making sure everyone can hit the road safely and in style. (SA) 989 E. 900 South, Salt Lake City, 801-364-0344, ContenderBicycles.com 2nd place: Salt Lake City Bicycle Collective 3rd place: Crank SLC

Best Advanced Hiking Trail Mt. Olympus

One of Salt Lake’s most strenuous trails is also its most rewarding, compensating hikers who make it to the top with splendorous views of the valley and surrounding ranges. The path might be steep, but it’s well traveled, not too treacherous and best suited for trekkers willing to dedicate their day to spectacular scenery. Those looking for a more adventurous climb should try summiting the peak in the winter. (SA) 7.5 miles out and back, 5789 Wasatch Blvd., Holladay 2nd place: Lake Blanche 3rd place: Mt. Timpanogos

Best Beginner’s Hiking Trail Donut Falls

There’s a reason this hike is popular with families escaping the valley's scorching summer heat: It’s practically a rite of passage for beginning hikers living along the Wasatch Front. Three-and-a-half miles might seem like a bit of distance for the kiddos at first, but with minimal elevation gain and the namesake waterfall at the end (yes, it is shaped like a doughnut and, yes, you should pack doughnuts to snack on), this trail is a treat. (SA) 3.5 miles out and back, access the trailhead via Jordan Pines picnic area in Big Cottonwood Canyon 2nd place: Living Room 3rd place: Cecret Lake

Best Birdwatching

Farmington Bay Waterfowl Management Area It’s pretty difficult not to spot a bird or two at these wetlands adjacent to the Great Salt Lake. The spring nesting and fall migration seasons have the area bustling with blue heron and thousands of tundra swan that will stay until the water freezes. Don’t overlook winter, where bald eagles use Farmington Bay to hunker down for the colder months. A love of nature is all you need to enjoy the area—and a good pair of binoculars. (SA) 1325 W. Glovers Lane, Farmington, 801-451-7386, Wildlife.Utah.gov 2nd place: Bear River Migratory Bird Refuge 3rd place: Antelope Island State Park

BEST OF UTAH

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Best Fitness Classes

Best PokéStop

lovers flock to Every June, thousands of art s to immerse are squ n gto shin Library and Wa community. The themselves in Utah’s artistic e a pinnacle om bec Utah Arts Festival has , and its City e Lak t Sal in summer event sic, fine mu Live popularity is well deserved. artistic l —al ces pie art, film , perform ance Utah’s at ted bra cele manifestations are staf f with And r. yea the of nt eve largest art mer sum h eac working year-round to ensure t bes the be to sure is nt is perfect, 2017’s eve yet. (SA) UAF.org 2nd place: Sal t Lake Comic Con l 3rd place: Utah Pride Fes tiva e City Lak ft Cra : tion men ble Honora

By intentionally combining toning and aerobic exercises and structuring them in a particular order, The Bar Method’s classes help students quickly reach their own personal standards for fitness. Stamina, strength and flexibility are primary targets at the Sugar House barre studio, and each method can be fine tuned to any student’s body type. With routines that are easy on the joints, The Bar Method’s focus on well-being sets it apart from many other programs. (SA) 1057 E. 2100 South, Salt Lake City, 801-485-4227, SaltLakeCity.BarMethod.com 2nd place: CorePower Yoga 3rd place: Awaken Studios

Having trouble stocking up on water Pokémon? So are the rest of us. Utah’s arid climate isn't exactly ideal for aquatic creatures. Head over to Temple Square, though, and you might find that Blastoise or Poliwag you need roaming around the fountains and pools. The downtown landmark has become an interesting place for Pokémon Go enthusiasts due to its tendency to house less common characters— including dragon and fairy types—and gives trainers the chance to truly be the very best.

(SA) 50 North Temple, Salt Lake City 2nd place: Watchtower Café 3rd place: Brigham Young Historic Park

Best City Park

Best Outdoor Supplies Shop

Best Public Golf Course

Liberty Park has been a classic focal point of urban SLC for 135 years and continues to shade residents with its towering pines and cottonwood trees. Summer and fall have the park bustling with local events from the annual Pioneer Day fireworks show and powwow to Best Friends Animal Society’s Strut Your Mutt fundraiser, plus various concerts and gatherings like the traditional Sunday drum circle—not to mention the plentiful amenities for all, including Tracy Aviary, a swimming facility, jogging paths, playscapes and much more. (SA) 600 E. 600 South, Salt Lake City 2nd place: Sugar House Park 3rd place: Murray Park

So, yeah, we said no chain stores would be recognized, but rare is the Utahn who hasn't set foot in an REI store. Their two Salt Lake Valley locations offer outdoor enthusiasts practically endless options for quality gear, and if you haven’t taken advantage of their membership program … why? (Seriously, their 10 percent annual dividend is freakin’ sweet.) Become involved in the recreation community by participating in one of REI’s in-house workshops on topics like avalanche awareness and ski/snowboard tune-ups, and remember to #OptOutside on Black Friday. (SA) Multiple locations, REI.com 2nd place: Kirkham’s Outdoor Products 3rd place: Recreation Outlet

Tucked into the foothills above Salt Lake City, Bonneville Golf Course provides 18 holes of sensational scenery. There’s a bit more terrain up here on the mountain compared to the valley’s other courses, and the long fairways will give anyone’s drive a workout with most of the holes sitting at Par 4 or 5. Putting can be a bit tricky (the putts break toward the valley, just FYI), but the challenge is well worth it on this pristinely manicured course. (SA) 954 S. Connor St., Salt Lake City, 801-583-9513, SLC-Golf.com 2nd place: Old Mill 3rd place: Mountain Dell

2016: READERS BEST OF UTAH

Liberty Park

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ERIK DAENITZ

2016: READERS BEST OF UTAH

ERIK DAENITZ

Best Community Event/Festival Utah Arts Festival

CITYWEEKLY.NET

126 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

The Bar Method

Utah Arts Festival

The Bar Method

REI

Temple Square

Bonneville

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2016: READERS BEST OF UTAH

Brighton snowboarding

Milosport

You can’t go wrong with the help of Milosport’s seasoned and enthusiastic skate staff. This passionate crew knows their gear and runs a store that is perfect for veteran skaters looking for their ideal setup. Don’t know your decks from your trucks? That’s fine, too—newbies are always welcome.

Dating back to 1984, this skate shop was one of the first—not just in Utah, but in the entire country. Here’s to another 30-plus years of shredding, guys. (SA) 3119 E. 3300 South, Salt Lake City, 801-487-8600, Milosport.com 2nd place: BlindSide 3rd place: Half and Half

Best Recreation Destination Moab

128 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

Moab has come a long way since the days of dusty agriculture and uranium mines.

Now, it’s a boomtown for tourism and the gateway to Utah’s red-rock country. Mostly known for being nestled between Arches and Canyonlands national parks, Moab is also surrounded by the astounding beauty of lesser-known attractions like Dead Horse Point State Park, Castle Valley and La Sal Recreation Area, just to name a few. Hiking, biking, rafting, Jeep-ing—you name it.

This town can help you find your perfect adventure. (SA) Highway 191, 32 miles south of Interstate 70, DiscoverMoab.com 2nd place: Zion National Park 3rd place: Lake Powell

Best Ski Run

Alta’s High Rustler

BROCK M.

DEREK CARLISLE

2016: READERS BEST OF UTAH

Best Skate Shop

CITYWEEKLY.NET

128 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

Milosport skate shop

Best Snowboarding

Brighton for every Skiers rejoice when the powder’s deep There’s a little something ttonwood Co Big of enough to access this legendary Alta run. snowboarder at the top blue runs and en gre of mix s The expert black-diamond-level slope Canyon. Brighton’ rmediate inte doesn’t just look steep, it is steep, with prime are excellent for beginning and enough has o als terrain and great views of Little Cottonwood boarders, but the resort anced adv re mo p kee to Canyon to boot. Though it might take a little challenging terrain at the ed bor trekking to get there, once you’ve jumped riders busy. Freestylers won’t get in the ow Thr ks. par off the initial small cliff into the chute, you’ll constantly changing terrain and s ion opt ng rdi boa htbe in skiing paradise. (SA) backcountry and nig e som are ets 10230 E. Little Cottonwood Canyon Road, the fact that passes and lift tick and nt, Fro ch sat Wa Alta, 801-359-1078, Alta.com of the cheapest along the r winter planned. (SA) you got ally ctic Alf’s High Rustler, Alta pra ’ve you ad, Brigh ton, 2nd place: Regulator Johnson, Snowbird 8302 Brigh ton Loop Ro sor t.com Re ton gh Bri 1, 3rd place: Stein’s Way, Deer Valley 801-532-473 2nd place: Snowbird untain Resor t Best Yoga Studio 3rd place: Park City Mo

Salt Lake Power Yoga

Focusing on Power Vinyasa yoga held in rooms heated to around 85-95 degrees Fahrenheit, Salt Lake Power Yoga is determined to provide its students with holistic practice experience. Compassion and determination are essential to SLPY’s mission, and staff members encourage all participants to find balance within themselves to accomplish their self-set yoga goals. With class offerings ranging over a multitude of skill levels, no matter what option you choose, at SLPY, you will sweat—and that’s a good thing. (SA) 250 E. 300 South, Salt Lake City, 801-468-9642, SaltLakePowerYoga.com 2nd place: Centered City 3rd place: CorePower Yoga

Best Urban Fishin’ Hole Jordan River

The murky waters of the Jordan River might not look like they contain much beneath the surface, but those who have pulled up hauls of white bass, catfish and bluegill can attest to the river’s bounty. There are many access points along the waterway’s winding path from Utah Lake to the Great Salt Lake and finding calm waters to float your boat is relatively easy. Or you can post up along the shore, bait your hook and wallow the summer afternoon away with a companion and/or cooler of beer by your side. (SA) Parks.SLCO.org 2nd place: Willow Pond Park 3rd place: Bountiful Lake

BEST OF UTAH

CREATING DIVERS SINCE 1978 DIVING COURSES LET THE PROFESSIONALS AT NEPTUNE TAKE YOU TO THE NEXT LEVEL

2016: READERS

Scuba Basics • Advanced Certification Specialty Training • Childrens Programs Exotic Diving Trips

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WE HAVE THE SKILLS AND EXPERTISE TO GIVE YOU THE LOOK YOU HAVE ALWAYS WANTED.

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LET US HELP YOU SHINE FOR YOUR HOLIDAY PARTIES

Holiday Parties

130 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

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Booking

3176 E. 6200 S. • Cottonwood Heights, UT 801.944.0505 • banditsbbqutah.com

Best

of Utah

2015

2016: READERS

JOHN TAYLOR

BEST OF UTAH

2016: READERS

s e R

BEST OF UTAH

s t n a r tau

Best Thai Sawadee

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NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 131

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Brewvies Cinema Pub

JOSH SCHEUREMAN

Best Atmosphere

Best Breakfast

Erected in 1906, the rustic brick exterior of Current Fish & Oyster complements the ultra modern interior, which features an open kitchen and bustling dining floor. The fish served here is flown in fresh from all across the United States and is presented in a beautiful array from an ambitious menu created by Executive Chef Phelix Gardner. The restaurant incorporates tastes new to Utah for a memorable and contemporary dining experience in a historic atmosphere. (MS) 279 E. 300 South, Salt Lake City, 801-326-3474, CurrentFishAndOyster.com 2nd place: Finca 3rd place: The Rest

The early bird gets the worm. At The Park Café, they get a table. People line 1300 South daily for a seat at the homestyle breakfast and lunch joint. Grab a table inside or on the porch and treat yourself to what just might be the tastiest breakfast potatoes in the history of spuds.

There’s not a bad choice on the menu, but you definitely can’t go wrong with the Odeloy omelet (sausage, peppers, onions, mushrooms, cheddar cheese) or the fluffy and delectable banana pancakes. (MS) 604 E. 1300 South, Salt Lake City, 801-487-1670, Facebook.com/ParkCafeSLC 2nd place: The Blue Plate Diner 3rd place: Ruth’s Diner

Tulie Bakery

Owner and self-taught pastry czar Leslie Seggar knows exactly what’s she’s doing on every level—from croissants to hot-pressed sandwiches. Her gourmet pastries include only the finest ingredients, and the treats are enhanced by the store’s layout, right down to communal tables that create a warm and contemporary environment. The sticky buns are out of this world, but that is only one of many seasonal creations worth a taste test at Tulie. (MS) 863 E. 700 South, Salt Lake City, 801-883-9741, TulieBakery.com 2nd place: Gourmandise The Bakery 3rd place: Eva’s Bakery

When you add beer and movies in one convenient downtown location, you get Brewvies Cinema Pub—what’s not to like about kicking back to watch new a flick with a frothy beverage and specialty dishes in front of you? They offer showings of the latest blockbusters, independent films and free Film Buff Night every Wednesday, as well as a separate bar area lined with pool tables, video games and televisions. (MS) 677 S. 200 West, Salt Lake City, 801-355-5500, Brewvies.com 2nd place: Oh Mai 3rd place: Watchtower Café

The Park Café

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DEREK CARLISLE

2016: READERS BEST OF UTAH

Best Cheap Date

Best Bakery

132 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

Ruth’s Diner

The year 2016 marks the 86th anniversary of Ruth’s Diner, making it the second oldest restaurant in Utah. All it takes is a quick drive up Emigration Canyon and you’ll arrive at the historic diner. In fairer weather, enjoy the scenery on the sprawling outdoor patio. Take shelter inside in the colder months, warm up with a cup of joe and the famous mile-high biscuits and gravy. Along with traditional breakfast options, be sure to try contemporary dishes such as Erik’s raspberry chicken—a lunch favorite. (MS) 4160 Emigration Canyon Road, Salt Lake City, 801-582-5807, RuthsDiner.com 2nd place: Pig & A Jelly Jar 3rd place: Hub & Spoke Diner

Current Fish & Oyster

CITYWEEKLY.NET

132 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

Best Brunch Spot

Breakfast at Park Café

DEREK CARLISLE

2016: READERS BEST OF UTAH

Current Fish & Oyster

Award Winning Vietnamese Cuisine

Coffee Garden baristas

BEST OF UTAH

DEREK CARLISLE

2016: READERS

Best Chinese Sit-Down Mandarin

In 1978, Greek-American Gregory Skedros opened the doors to Mandarin, which has been Utah’s premier Chinese restaurant ever since. The kitchen is manned by chefs from Hong Kong and San Francisco, whose woks fire up some of the best Chinese fare you’ll find in the area. The family-run restaurant has sustained success in its Bountiful location with a combination of well-versed chefs, loyal customers and a menu that can’t be topped. (MS) 348 E. 900 North, Bountiful, 801-298-2406, MandarinUtah.com 2nd place: Red Maple 3rd place: Asian Star

6001 S. State St. Murray | 801-263-8889 cafetrangonline.com *Gluten-free menu options available

Best Chinese Take-Out Dragon Diner

Although there’s a pint sized sit-down area at Dragon Diner in Millcreek, most people prefer the take-out option. The inexpensive Chinese eatery prides itself in its authenticity and fast delivery services, which are available until 10 p.m. every day except Sunday. Start off with the cream cheese wontons before you make your way to the dinner favorite, Dragon and Phoenix—served with General Tso’s chicken and spicy shrimp. (MS) 1331 E. 3900 South, Millcreek, 801-272-9333, TheDragonDiner.com 2nd place: Little World 3rd place: Red Maple

Best Coffee House

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Our readers have spoken and have declared that Coffee Garden is the best place in town to get a cup of java. City Weekly employees concur, as we stop in the Main Street location routinely for our daily fix. Baristas here treat regulars like family, and both locations (downtown and 9th & 9th) are irreplaceable in their respective communities by providing high-quality coffee along with great customer service. Each location has a distinct personality: Main Street’s is literary and incisive; 9th & 9th is cinematic and expansive. (MS) 878 E. 900 South, Salt Lake City, 801-355-3435; 245 S. Main, Salt Lake City, 801-364-0768 2nd place: Beans & Brews 3rd place: Publik Coffee Roasters

CITYWEEKLY.NET

Coffee Garden

2016: READERS

2016: READERS

BEST OF UTAH

BEST OF UTAH

Best Desserts

Best First-Date Restaurant

Best Greek Sit-Down

Making a decision on one of the endless arrays of delicious desserts can be troublesome at Gourmandise, so why not order two? On the weekends, double parking and lines out the door ensue as people so eagerly anticipate sinking their teeth into one of the tasty cakes, tarts, breads and breakfast pastries. No sweet tooth? No problem. The café menu features an extensive list of salads, sandwiches and entrées as well. (MS) 250 S. 300 East, Salt Lake City, 801-328-3330, GourmandiseTheBakery.com 2nd place: The Dodo 3rd place: Zest Kitchen & Bar

Tin Angel integrates a fun, lively ambiance with quality local ingredients and food creations to assemble the perfect atmosphere for firstdaters. The family-run restaurant has found the recipe for success with their specialty tapas—featuring bites like a Moroccan spiced-shrimp skewer, spiced almonds and Gorgonzola, and white-bean hummus. In warm weather, the patio is a great place to take in the neighborhood sights and sounds, including downtown Salt Lake City’s frequent live music. (MS) 365 W. 400 South, Salt Lake City, 801-328-4155, TheTinAngel.com 2nd place: Eva 3rd place: Spitz

Leave your expectations of hand-held gyros at the door. Owner Aristides Boutsikakis has brought a taste of Greece with him back here in Salt Lake City at Aristo’s Greek Restaurant.

The mezedakia (Greek small plates) are sensational. There’s sautéed baby octopus, thick cuts of battered and flash-fried calamari, baked eggplant whipped with olive oil, Greek meatballs, sautéed shrimp in marinara and much more. (MS) 224 S. 1300 East, Salt Lake City, 801-581-0888, AristosSLC.com 2nd place: Manoli’s 3rd place: The Other Place

Gourmandise The Bakery

Best Downtown SLC Restaurant The Copper Onion

Owner and chef Ryan Lowder was born in Utah before traveling the world, gathering inspiration, experience and cooking techniques. He then pieced them together into the gold mine in the middle of downtown Salt Lake City—The Copper Onion. The hip and welcoming restaurant serves some of the best small plates in town, such as ricotta dumplings and patatas bravas. For dinner, the melt-in-your-mouth lamb riblets in a balsamic glaze are to die for. (MS) 111 E. 300 South, Salt Lake City, 801-355-3282, TheCopperOnion.com 2nd place: Takashi 3rd place: Zest Kitchen & Bar

Tin Angel Café

Aristo’s

Best Greek Take-Out Greek Souvlaki

Best French The Paris

With an experienced staff of cooks and courteous service, The Paris Bistro gives its dining guests an experience much like you’d find on The Champs-Élysées in Paris. The filet mignon with squash blossoms and zucchini gratin, or lemongrass crème brûlée satisfy even the most picky of palates. An extensive wine list perfectly complements the exquisite French cuisine. (MS) 1500 S. 1500 East, Salt Lake City, 801-486-5585, TheParis.net 2nd place: La Caille 3rd place: Franck’s

Baked goods at Gourmandise The Bakery

JOHN TAYLOR

JOHN TAYLOR

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The Copper Onion's pasta carbonara

A perennial Best of Utah winner, Greek Souvlaki knew how to create a lasting following long before the inception of this award. The doors to the first location were opened in 1972 by Lee and Mary Paulos and served just three items: gyros, souvlaki and beefteki. The business has since expanded to five restaurants and has stayed true to the Paulos vision of serving high-quality Greek food to the Salt Lake community. (MS) Multiple locations, GreekSouvlaki.com 2nd place: Yanni’s Greek Express 3rd place: Padeli’s Street Greek

Takashi's ceviche roll

BEST OF UTAH

NIKI CHAN

2016: READERS

Best Japanese Takashi

Not only does Takashi have the best Japanese food in Utah, but it might be the best on this side of the Mississippi.

Takashi Gibo’s eclectic and ever-changing list of sushi rolls and dishes traditional to his native Japan makes one wonder if sushi is appropriate for all three meals of the day. For the mild palate, try the Crunch Ebi roll with shrimp tempura. If you're feeling adventurous, order a round of citrusy mussel shooters with a quail egg yolk. There’s no such thing as a bad meal here. (MS) 18 W. Market St., Salt Lake City, 801-519-9595 2nd place: Kyoto 3rd place: Sapa

TASTE WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN MISSING

Best Indian

Bombay House Bombay House is Salt Lake City’s undisputed champion of genuine Indian cuisine and hospitality. Using traditional cooking methods—including a charcoal-fired tandoori oven—Bombay House creates the finest naan, paratha and roti flatbreads, which are perfect for sopping up every last drop of the luscious curries. Heat lovers, give the vibrant vindaloo a go. They also offer plenty of vegetarian options, along with Indian tea and coffee, rose milk, and strawberry or mango lassis. (MS) Multiple locations, BombayHouse.com 2nd place: The Kathmandu 3rd place: Himalayan Kitchen

CITYWEEKLY.NET

Best Italian

Fratelli Ristorante

AMAZING FOOD IN THE HEART OF LAYTON • LOCALLY OWNED & OPERATED

197 North Main St • Layton • 801-544-4344

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Fratelli Ristorante has won this award five times in the past six years, and there’s little doubt why: Fratelli (“brothers” in Italian) owners Pete and Dave Cannella created a menu traditional to their homeland, preach and practice the use of fresh ingredients, and treat everyone who walks through the door like family. The menu boasts an expansive list of pizzas, pastas and salads, as well as beer and wine. Save some room for the delectable tiramisu. (MS) 9236 S. Village Shop Drive, Sandy, 801-495-4550, FratelliUtah.com 2nd place: Valter’s Osteria 3rd place: Caffé Molise

2016: READERS BEST OF UTAH

NIKI CHAN

JOSH SCHEUERMAN

2016: READERS BEST OF UTAH

Hector's burrito

Best Korean Myung Ga

Myung Ga takes Korean barbecue to another level with their sizzling, hefty portions of chicken, pork and beef. Along with barbecue options, the restaurant also dishes up delicious dumplings, soups filled to the brim with scallops, shrimp and other seafood, and a cucumber kimchi that is out of this world.

These chefs can whip up a quick dish for your lunch break or an extensive, authentic Korean meal for a pleasing dinner. (MS) 3353 S. Decker Lake Drive, West Valley City, 801-953-0478 2nd place: Cupbop 3rd place: It’s Tofu

Pie Hole

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CITYWEEKLY.NET

Best Late-Night Grub With its ovens firing until 2 a.m. SundayThursday, and till 3 a.m. on weekends, there’s little surprise that the Pie Hole downtown is at its busiest after midnight—what sounds better than a hot, cheesy pizza waiting for you after a night of bar-hopping? Order by the slice or get a whole pie—there’s even a rotating vegan option—and satisfy those latenight hunger pangs. (MS) 344 S. State, Salt Lake City, 801-359-4653, PieHoleUtah.com 2nd place: Beto’s 3rd place: Alberto’s

Best Mexican Sit-Down Red Iguana

Owners of Red Iguana, the Cardenas family has been in the restaurant business for more than 50 years with humble beginnings, as their first location opened with a dining area that could seat 18 guests. They've since attracted a national following for serving some of the finest Mexican fare in America. It’s been featured on the television show Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives and The New York Times, and countless pictures and autographs of celebrities adorn its colorful walls. For authentic Mexican fare, turn to dishes like their signature cochinita pibil, papadzules and puntas de filete a la Norteña (sirloin with bacon). (MS) Multiple locations, RedIguana.com 2nd place: Blue Iguana 3rd place: Taquería 27

Best Mexican Take-Out Hector’s

Salt Lake Valley in its entirety let out a collective wail of mourning when Hector’s announced it would no longer serve its unparalleled Mexican grub 24 hours a day, choosing instead to close its doors at a reasonable hour of the night.

Although you can't get your smothered burrito fix in the early light of dawn anymore, Hector’s is still at the pinnacle of Mexican take-out and the go-to for customers of all walks of life. For a meal on the go, there’s no wrong choice at here, but the carnitas torta is not one to forgo. (MS) 2901 E. 3300 South, Salt Lake City, 801-487-3850 2nd place: Red Iguana 3rd place: Beto’s

Best Middle Eastern

Mazza Middle Eastern Cuisine

Mazza offers an assortment of Middle Eastern cuisine such as lamb and rice dolaa, musakhan, shawarma and kebabs, delectable baked kafta, maghmoor and much more.

Owner Ali Sabbah takes a deep sense of pride in keeping his restaurants as authentic as possible, so the service and food is always top-notch. Mazza wouldn’t be complete without its sizable wine list with bottles from Lebanon, Morocco and Greece. (MS) 912 E. 900 South, Salt Lake City, 801-521-4572; 1515 S. 1500 East, Salt Lake City, 801-484-9259, MazzaCafe.com 2nd place: O’Falafel 3rd place: Cedars of Lebanon

Best New Restaurant HSL

Derived from the same proprietors who brought us Handle in Park City, HSL in Salt Lake City is the latest installment from partners Melissa Gray and Meagan Nash. The concept behind HSL—which has thrived in the robust downtown dining scene—is to incorporate locally grown and produced ingredients into a dining experience second to none. Dinner options include steelhead trout, a beef cheek burger and savory grilled flap steak. (MS) 418 E. 200 South, Salt Lake City, 801-539-9999, HSLRestaurant.com 2nd place: Stanza 3rd place: Veneto

Tona sushi chefs

BEST OF UTAH

AUSTEN DIAMOND

Best Ogden Restaurant Tona

Tony Chen and Tina Yu’s sushi restaurant is one of the hottest and most bustling establishments in Ogden. The extensive tapas list includes a delicious gyoza plate (potstickers with sesame seed vinaigrette), Brussels sprouts and agedashi tofu, to name a few. Not into sharing? The bento boxes are bountiful and beautiful, as are the traditional sushi rolls. The Ogden eatery also has a sizable sake and wine list. (MS) 210 25th St., Ogden, 801-622-8662, TonaRestaurant.com 2nd place: Roosters 3rd place: Slack Water

2016: READERS

Contemporary Japanese Dining LUNCH • DINNER • COCKTAILS

18 MARKET STREET • 801.519.9595

Best Park City Restaurant Riverhorse on Main

now serving breakfast bagels, bagel beignets corned beef hash, blintzes fried egg & taylor ham sandwiches

Best Patio

The Green Pig Pub

from 8:00am - 10:30am

@ FELDMANSDELI

2005 E. 2700 SOUTH, SLC FELDMANSDELI.COM OPEN TUES - SAT TO GO ORDERS: (801) 906-0369

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There’s quite a thirst for a stellar outdoor patio in downtown Salt Lake City, and The Green Pig Pub quenches it with a view of the Wasatch Mountains. You’d be hard-pressed to find a better spot to grub out and sip on a frothy beer on your lunch hour than the upstairs patio at the Pig. With concert venues and other bars in the surrounding area, just relax and watch the comings and goings Salt Lake City has to offer. (MS) 31 E. 400 South, Salt Lake City, 801-532-7441, TheGreenPigPub.com 2nd place: Gracie’s 3rd place: The Hog Wallow Pub

CITYWEEKLY.NET

This is a pioneering eatery of sorts. Established in 1987, Riverhorse set the tone as one of the first fine-dining restaurants in the competitive Park City market. The expertly prepared meals look like artwork (and it feels almost sacrilegious to eat them), and the ultra slick, modern interior is equally impressive. As far as fare goes, there’s just something special about their grilled local rack of lamb, served with cumin-scented couscous, honey, cucumber-mint relish and cauliflower. (MS) 540 Main, Park City, 435-649-3536, RiverhorseParkCity.com 2nd place: High West 3rd place: Handle

2016: READERS

2016: READERS

BEST OF UTAH

BEST OF UTAH

Best Place to Take Mom

Best Salt Lake Valley Restaurant

Best Vegetarian

We get it—you want to do something for your mom, like make her a home-cooked meal in return for all the times she fed your needy ass growing up. Save yourself the embarrassment and take your loving mother to Ruth’s Diner, one of the most historic eateries in Salt Lake City. Just a few minutes up Emigration Canyon, it takes no time or effort on your part to give your birthgiver a meal—such as the cinnamon roll French toast—as sweet as she is. (MS) 4160 Emigration Canyon Road, Salt Lake City, 801-582-5807, RuthsDiner.com 2nd place: Oasis Café 3rd place: Little America Coffee Shop

Provisions is an American craft kitchen that champions seasonal, organic and locally produced ingredients. The house-inspired architectural design might even convince you that you’re sitting at your own dining room table. The small plates are all wonderful, including the steamed buns and roastedbeet salad, but don’t leave until you try the taglierini—braised rabbit coated with a sage brown butter sauce that melts in the mouth.

(MS) 3364 S. 2300 East, Salt Lake City, 801-410-4046, SLCProvisions.com 2nd place: Fratelli 3rd place: Log Haven

Located since late 2013 in the iconic former Jade Café building, Sage’s specialty is vegetarian, organic cuisine. For vegetarians, there are “Meatless Monday” specials, as well as a number of veggie pizza and pasta options. The restaurant is open for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day, with late-night weekend dining and an extended brunch menu on Saturday and Sunday. (MS) 234 W. 900 South, Salt Lake City, 801-322-3790, SagesCafe.com 2nd place: Zest Kitchen & Bar 3rd place: Frisch Compassionate Eatery

Best Romantic Spot

Best Utah County Restaurant

The century-old log mansion in Millcreek Canyon that’s home to Log Haven is known for its rustic beauty and fine dining, and as one of Utah’s premier destinations for weddings and other special events. With its impressive indoor and outdoor venues and surrounding foliage, there’s always romance in the air here. It feels like another world yet is only minutes away. (MS) 6451 E. Millcreek Canyon Road, Salt Lake City, 801-272-8255, Log-Haven.com 2nd place: La Caille 3rd place: Veneto

Communal serves its dining guests farm-fresh and in-season cuisine using locally sourced and produced ingredients. It’s best to go as a group as the dishes are served family style—hence the name. Entrées like roasted chicken, Utah trout and grilled hangar steak are prepared in a no-nonsense, simple but sensational style. We’re darn jealous of you, Provo. (MS) 102 N. University Ave., Provo, 801-373-8000, CommunalRestaurant.com 2nd place: Black Sheep Café 3rd place: Pizzeria 712

Ruth’s Diner

Log Haven

Provisions

Communal

Best Vietnamese Oh Mai

Whether you have the classic pho with fragrant broth in mind, a banh mi sandwich served in a French baguette, or traditional noodle and rice bowls, Oh Mai has you covered on all things Vietnamese. The restaurant— which now has four Salt Lake area locations— first took off as a banh mi and sandwich shop, but now covers all bases with their extensive Vietnamese menu. (MS) Multiple locations, OhMaiSandwich.com 2nd place: All Chay 3rd place: La Cai Noodle House

Oh Mai's beef pho

JOHN TAYLOR

NIKI CHAN

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CITYWEEKLY.NET

Provisions' fried branzino with coconut cream

Sage’s Café

BEST OF UTAH

2016: READERS

COMING 2017 WE ARE TAKING IT TO A WHOLE NEW LEVEL! HUGE EXPANSION INCLUDING A ROOF-TOP PATIO!!

OPEN DURING CONSTRUCTION, PLEASE PARDON OUR DUST.

Thursday Shot-N-Beer Coors & Irish Whiskey $5

Sunday

$10 Brunch All You Can Eat | $4 Man-Mosa’s $5.75 Long Pour Bloody Mary’s | $5 Coors & Irish Whiskey Board game night @7:00 p.m.

242 S 200 W | 801-532-2715 | www.poplarstreetpub.com

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Wednesday $2 Coors Steins

CITYWEEKLY.NET

Tuesday $2 Micro - Pint Night

A Utah Original Since 1968

BEST OF UTAH

2016: READERS

A Taste of EATaly!

HOURS MON-THU 11A-11P • FRI-SAT 11A-12A / SUN 3P-10P

ITALIANVILLAGESLC.COM • 5370 S. 900 E. MURRAY, UT • 801.266.4182

L L A F F O S L 50% L O R & I !

Y H A S D Y U S ER V E Y A D

RAMEN SHOP NOW OPEN AT SANDY LOCATION

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ALL

Mon-Thurs 11-10 Friday 11-11 Saturday 12-11 Sunday 12-9

AND ASIAN GRILL

9000 S 109 W , SANDY & 3424 S State St 801.566.0721 • 801.251.0682 ichibansushiut.com

2016: READERS

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H A T U T BES

CITYWEEKLY.NET

JOHN TAYLOR

BEST OF UTAH

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2016: READERS

Best BBQ

R&R B arb

BEST OF UTAH

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JOSH SCHEUERMAN

2016: READERS BEST OF UTAH

AUSTEN DIAMOND

2016: READERS BEST OF UTAH

Lone Star Taquería

Best Bargain Burger (under $10)

Best Burgers

Best Burritos

What started in 1978 as a family-run hot dog stand has grown to seven spacious restaurants, with a menu offering more than 100 items. Still family-owned and operated, the burgers are so iconic that the logo appears in the opening scenes of Broadway musical The Book of Mormon. The signature Crown burger contains a charbroiled, freshly ground quarter-pound beef patty topped with cheese and piles of spiced pastrami, then dabbed with Thousand Island dressing and adorned with crisp lettuce, tomatoes and onions—all freshly made to order. Pair it with a concrete-thick chocolate shake and a side of luscious fries, and you’ll be eating like a king—hence the name. (JW) Multiple locations, Crown-Burgers.com 2nd place: Proper Burger Co. 3rd place: Apollo Burger

Ask any Salt Lake City native where the best burger in town is, and they'll undeniably say Lucky 13 without batting an eye. Situated across the street from Smith’s Ballpark, the bar and grill is always bustling when the Salt Lake Bees are playing, and the open patio out front fills up quick in the warmer months.

Favorite burgers include the Bacon Stinky Cheeseburger dished up with melted stella blue cheese, as well as the Ol’ Man Burger—a creation not for the faint of heart, as it’s loaded with roasted jalapeños. (MS) 135 W. 1300 South, Salt Lake City, 801-487-4418, Lucky13SLC.com 2nd place: Proper Burger 3rd place: Crown Burgers

Both a drive-thru and a casual café with a inviting outdoor patio, this eastside Fort Union Boulevard eatery is one of the Food Network’s Guy Fieri’s “Triple Ds.” While many show up for beer and fish tacos, those whose hunger is on full throttle know that nothing less than Lone Star’s colossal burritos will do. These weighty, foil-wrapped bundles of joy are chock full of whatever protein you choose (marinated pork, chile verde, broiled chicken, shredded beef, fish or shrimp, to name a few), and layered with rice, beans, lettuce, sour cream, cilantro, tomato, onions and cheese. After one gutbusting visit here, you’ll know why the eclectic Lone Star Taquería is not to be missed. (JW) 2265 E. Fort Union Blvd., Cottonwood Heights, 801-944-2300 2nd place: Café Rio 3rd place: Red Iguana

Crown Burgers

Best Beer Selection

Lucky 13

Lone Star Taquería

Mountain West's award-winning hard ciders

Best Cider

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It’s “beervana” at The Bayou. With a selection of more than 300 brews, it would take nearly a year to try them all, though owner Mark Alston is always making additions to his impressive stock. Still can’t decide on a particular brewski? Download The Bayou app, which randomly selects 10 beers from the complete list. They don’t just serve the devil’s nectar, though. There's also an extensive menu of hearty pub classics—such as the Cajun chicken sandwich, with spicy chicken, chipotle aioli, provolone and onions. (MS) 645 S. State, Salt Lake City, 801-961-8400, UtahBayou.com 2nd place: Beer Bar 3rd place: Beerhive Pub

Mountain West Hard Cider

DEREK CARLISLE

The Bayou

CITYWEEKLY.NET

142 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

A small sampler of The Bayou's beer selection

Mountain West Hard Cider owners Jennifer and Jeff Carleton pride themselves in sourcing regional ingredients to craft everyday, seasonal and sensational hard apple ciders. The crisp beverage is lighter than beer and naturally gluten-free, so you won’t have to put on your stretchy pants before a night out with friends. If you’re new to the game, the 7 Mile Cider (5 percent alcohol by volume) is a safe bet, so named after Seven Mile Canyon in southern Utah.

(MS) 425 N. 400 West, Salt Lake City, 801-935-4147, MountainWestCider.com 2nd place: The Hive Winery

BEST OF UTAH

2016: READERS CITYWEEKLY.NET

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2016: READERS

2016: READERS

BEST OF UTAH

BEST OF UTAH

Best Coffee

Best Doughnuts

Move over, FiveBucks! Utah has its own coffee chain, and we couldn’t be prouder. Founded in 1993, Beans & Brews has grown and franchised over the years, now boasting more than 40 locations across northern Utah, Idaho and Nevada. B&B is foremost a coffee shop that serves up delightful morning joe, teas, frozen drinks and pastries. But then again, it’s a community gathering spot, a place to read email, flip through the morning newspaper or converse with a friend. For coffee connoisseurs, however, it’s all about their high-altitude roasting techniques, which allow the coffee shop to both brew and sell beans with dimensions of taste and texture unlike any other. (JW) Multiple locations, BeansAndBrews.com 2nd place: Publik Coffee Roasters 3rd place: La Barba

Want to win friends and influence people?

Just hit the drive-thru at Banbury Cross, order a dozen of the day’s freshest doughnuts and bring them into the office on a regular basis.

A promotion, salary bump or corner office will soon be yours. That’s because, since 1986, Utahns have found the bright yellow boxes filled with Banbury’s scrumptious raised and cake donuts simply irresistible. Ditto with their old-fashioneds, maple and chocolate bars, cinnamon crumb, strawberry frosted, cinnamon rolls, muffins, orange rolls and apple fritters. People who bring in these sinful delights to share with co-workers are just plain popular—beloved, even. So bring on the doughnuts, already! (JW) 705 S. 700 East, Salt Lake City, 801-537-1433, Facebook.com/BanburyCrossDonuts 2nd place: Fresh Donut & Deli 3rd place: Dunford Bakers

Beans & Brews

Best Distillery

High West Distillery Park City is home to the original High West Distillery, which recently made the addition of a second distillery in Wanship. The new digs are fit with a 1,600-gallon copper pot still and offers whiskey tastings, pairings and tours. Founder David Perkins has increased his production 24fold since he first opened shop in 2009—there’s just that much demand in Utah for High West’s artisan whiskeys and vodkas. (MS) 703 Park Ave., Park City, 436-649-8300; 27649 Old Lincoln Highway, Wanship, 435-649-8300, HighWest.com 2nd place: Sugar House Distillery 3rd place: Ogden’s Own Distillery

Banbury Cross

Best Ethnic/Specialty Market Caputo’s Market & Deli

Purveyors Tony Caputo and his son Matt have turned Caputo’s from a small, family-run local business into a hotbed of artisan cheeses and meats. The market has expanded from its original downtown location to a 15th & 15th establishment, a Holladay market, as well as a deli on the University of Utah campus.

Caputo’s “cheese cave”—a massive cheese preserver with products from Italy, Spain, Greece, France and the United States— garners “oohs” and “ahhs” from passersby in the market. The deli dishes up subs stacked

Best Food Truck Cupbop

When there’s a sighting of Cupbop’s distinctive black-and-yellow food truck, it’s a sure thing that there will be a line extending around the block to get a sample of the savory Korean barbecue. Cupbop keeps things simple—choose from beef, spicy pork, chicken, noodles, tofu and kimchi, add some sauce and enjoy a cup of Korean goodness.

Keep up with the food truck on Twitter @cupboptruck to find out where they’ll set up shop next. (MS) Facebook.com/Cupbop 2nd place: Waffle Love 3rd place: Chow Truck

Best French Fries

Bruges Waffles & Frites

Consider yourself lucky to live in a city where the french-fry experience has been elevated to that of a true indulgence. Not content to let fries be a greasy sidekick to a waffle or sandwich, Belgians long ago began finessing their potato presentation, from selecting and cooking spuds to serving them in paper cones to the addition of sauces and condiments, all of which have helped the humble fry make the leap to an exalted frite. The crisp golden frites at Bruges Waffles & Frites are cooked

The Cupbop crew

JOHN TAYLOR

DARBY DOYLE

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CITYWEEKLY.NET

High West Distillery

with meats, such as the Italian Cold Cut, which is piled high with sausage, Genoa salami, capicola and provolone—all drizzled with olive oil and balsamic vinegar. (MS) Multiple locations, CaputosDeli.com 2nd place: Southeast Asian Market 3rd place: Rancho Market

Anyone who’s visited Leatherby’s Taylorsville location on a Saturday night knows this familyfriendly ice cream parlor can get its jam on.

When the après-movies and -game crowd shows up, it gets downright boisterous, likely due to the ice cream’s heaping 14 percent

“Freeee meal!” Ah, those two glorious words are like music to the ears of all those who turn in a complete punch card at Café Rio. The Mexican grill started from humble beginnings in 1997 with a small shop in St. George. Since then, the restaurant has spread like wildfire with more than 100 locations across the United States. The salads are heavenly—or, as they call it, "unfreshingbelievable." Create your own from options like shredded chicken, sweet pork, chile-roasted beef, grilled steak, black or pinto beans, cilantro-lime rice, cheese, guacamole, pico, jalapeño slices and much more—all piled high on a bed of lettuce and torilla base. Oh, and don’t forget the creamy tomatillo dressing. (MS) Multiple locations, CafeRio.com 2nd place: Café Zupas 3rd place: Cubby’s

SCOTT SOMMERDORF

Since 1980, The Pie has been our quintessential college pizza and beer joint. The original restaurant, a block from the U of U campus, is located below a pharmacy, with brick walls covered in graffiti. There’s a character to the dimly lit eatery that speaks to the quality of the food itself. The Pie is old-school. Everything is made to order. Even though it now has five locations, the pizza dough is still hand-tossed the traditional way, and the meats, the dairy cheeses and vegetables are sliced fresh daily. They’ve resisted taking shortcuts. With specialty pies that include Holy Shiitake and Mountain of Meat, you’ll discover these aren’t thin East Coast pies; they’re hearty and loaded with toppings, so get ready to enjoy. (JW) Multiple locations, ThePie.com 2nd place: Settebello 3rd place: Pie Hole

Best Pig-Out Lucky 13

Cheap beer, good whiskey and enough grub to feed a small village is the name of the game at Lucky 13. The hip and lively bar bakes its burger buns fresh every morning and the high-quality meats are sourced from local vendors. Up for a challenge? Finish the Big Benny—a foot-tall burger with smoked bacon, ham and a 28-ounce patty—and the Lucky 13 Burger in one hour and you’ll be the winner of $200 cash. It’s gut-check time. (MS) 135 W. 1300 South, Salt Lake City, 801-487-4418, Lucky13SLC.com 2nd place: Chuck-A-Rama 3rd place: The Pie Pizzeria

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Leatherby’s Family Creamery

Café Rio

The Pie

NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 145

Best Ice Cream

Best Salads

Best Pizza

CITYWEEKLY.NET

Greek Souvlaki was founded in 1972 by Lee and Mary Paulos, who are credited with bringing the “hamburger of Greece” to Utah. Called “Yeeros” on the menu (so that patrons know the correct pronunciation), the traditional gyro is made with slices of a lamb/beef mixture that’s cooked on a vertical rotisserie, then put in pita bread with onions and tomatoes along with a choice of the all-important red (tomato-based) or white (yogurt and sour cream) sauce. It’s fitting that the family who brought the gyro to Utah is still being recognized for making it better than the rest. It must be that secret sauce! (JW) Multiple locations, GreekSouvlaki.com 2nd place: Apollo Burger 3rd place: Yanni’s

2016: READERS

Greek Souvlaki

BEST OF UTAH

Best Gyros

butterfat content. Produced in small batches at Leatherby’s own creameries, the frosty treats are made with fresh cream, sugar and natural flavors. It’s good premium stuff, with way too many mind-bending ways to have it served, from ice cream cones, shakes, malts, sodas, sundaes or banana splits to specialties like Jubal’s Cookie Concoction and Karen’s Small Sundae (which, word to the wise, is not that small). Party animals, take heed: Now you can bring the party home by purchasing Leatherby’s ice-cream toppings. (JW) 1872 W. 5400 South, Taylorsville, 801-967-2566; 372 E. 12300 South, Draper, 801-571-1575, Leatherbys.com 2nd place: Neilsen’s Frozen Custard 3rd place: Farr Better Ice Cream

2016: READERS

to perfection and served with housemade dipping sauces including mayonnaise, aioli, greens, lemon pepper dill, Zensation, Brasil, fry sauce, curry, Zango, Andalouse, Samurai and Afterburner. In other words, they’re a star attraction. (JW) Multiple locations, BrugesWaffles.com 2nd place: Lucky 13 3rd place: Crown Burgers

BEST OF UTAH

Lucky 13's house-smoked bacon cheeseburger

JOHN TAYLOR

Greek Souvlaki's lamb gyro

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JOHN TAYLOR

BEST OF UTAH

Even Stevens' Graduate Burrito

Best Sandwiches Even Stevens

Even Stevens is a sandwich shop with a cause. For every gourmet sandwich purchased, the essentials to make sandwiches (bread, meat, cheese, lettuce) are contributed to local nonprofits to feed Salt Lakers in need. Sink your teeth into the Sprang Chicken Sandwich—which is stacked with chicken, provolone, bacon, avocado, tomato and honey mustard—and feel accomplished knowing you helped feed another in the process. It’s always a win-win at Even Stevens. (MS) Multiple locations, EvenStevens.com 2nd place: Moochie’s Meatballs and More 3rd place: Buds

Best Seafood

Current Fish & Oyster This restaurant’s diverse menu consists of the best seafood dishes chosen from regional America from Executive Chef Logen Crew. Choice East and West Coast oysters, and some tastes new to Utah also make for a memorable and contemporary dining experience in a historic atmosphere.

The seafood selection is as endless as the ocean here, though they also dish up some meats harvested on solid ground for those who don’t yet have their sea legs. (MS) 279 E. 300 South, Salt Lake City, 801-326-3474, CurrentFishAndOyster.com 2nd place: Market Street Grill 3rd place: Harbor Seafood & Steak Co.

Best Small Plates

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Though the plates are small, the flavors are of giant proportions at Eva in downtown Salt Lake City. The tapasstyle restaurant, started by Chef Charlie Perry and named after his grandmother Eva Coombs, fuses together cooking techniques and tastes from all around the world. With inspiration from Mediterranean, Southern comfort and new American cuisine, we’re not quite sure what type of restaurant Eva is—we just know it’s good. All of the bread is baked fresh daily from Eva’s Bakery just down the street.

(MS) 317 S. Main, Salt Lake City, 801-359-8447, EvaSLC.com 2nd place: Finca 3rd place: Meditrina

CITYWEEKLY.NET

Eva

Ruth's Chris Steak House

Taquería 27

TIM GUNDERSON

2016: READERS

Best Soups

Soup Kitchen No matter how the world is treating you, there is always the warm-belly comfort food of the Soup Kitchen to give you solace. Truth be told, the soups and sandwiches at the Soup Kitchen are probably better than your mom’s, but don’t tell her we said so. From chicken noodle and cream of tomato to New England clam chowder and vegetable beef, there’s a soup for every mood and misgiving, each one made from scratch daily with fresh ingredients. The soups du jour include Navy bean and ham, potato leek with bacon, and others. You can fill a small bowl, grab a freshly baked bread stick and be on your way for less than $3! And if your appetite demands more than soup, consider ordering a half sandwich to go with it. (JW) Multiple locations, SLCSoup.com 2nd place: Café Zupas 3rd place: Porcupine Pub & Grille

Best Unique Appetizers Finca

Finca offers authentic Spanish tapas and cuisine, and, like its sister restaurant, Pago, almost all of the produce, meats, cheeses, eggs and more used to create the simple but quality dishes are locally sourced. In Finca’s elegant lounge, order a swanky cocktail, and choose from a selection of pintxos (two-bite snacks) served tableside.

The tapas selection is diverse and ranges from toasted noodles and clams, dates stuffed with blue cheese, shishito peppers and Spanish octopus à la plancha. (MS) 327 W. 200 South, Salt Lake City, 801-487-0699, FincaSLC.com 2nd place: HSL 3rd place: Garage on Beck

Best Brewery

Epic Brewing Co.

Best Steaks

Ruth’s Chris Steak House It’s best that you save your appetite when heading to Ruth’s Chris Steak House. The steaks are cooked at 1,800 degrees and are topped with fresh butter so they sizzle all the way to your table. The Cowboy Ribeye is a 22-ounce, marbled, juicy rib steak cooked to beefy perfection. If you have a hankering for something else, the lamb chops make for a memorable meal and are cut extra thick and marinated overnight. (MS) 275 S. West Temple, Salt Lake City, 801-363-2000; 2001 Park Ave., Park City, 435-940-5070, RuthsChris.com 2nd place: Fleming’s Prime Steakhouse 3rd place: Spencer’s For Steaks & Chops

Best Sushi

Taquería 27 combines South of the Border grub with an American twist. Start with a heap of guacamole and one of the tequilas artistically displayed in chalk at each Salt Lake City location. Once downed, choose from the copious selection of tacos, such as the Citrus Pork Carnitas, which include charred tomatillo salsa, pickled red onion, cilantro and napkins to sop up the mess you’re bound to make. (MS) Multiple locations, Taqueria27.com 2nd place: Lone Star Taquería 3rd place: Taco Taco

Put down that piss water your daddy drinks and find out what real beer tastes like. Epic Brewing Co. produces more than 40 beers whose colors and flavors run the gamut—there’s the Spiral Jetty Pale Ale, Galloway Porter, Escape IPA and the Cross Fever Amber Ale, to name a few. Epic Brewing Co. has not only found success in Salt Lake City, but has since expanded to brewing hub Denver. The sky’s the limit for City Weekly’s Best Brewery. (MS) 825 S. State, Salt Lake City, 801-906-0123, EpicBrewing.com 2nd place: Uinta Brewing Co. 3rd place: Wasatch Brewery

Taquería 27's Todd and Kristin Gardiner

Takashi

Was there ever a question on the winner of Best Sushi? Owner and chef Takashi Gibo continues his dominance in the category with his unabating commitment to serving the finest sushi and sashimi in town, regularly importing fish from San Francisco, Colorado, Seattle—wherever the fish is in season, really. For newbies at Takashi, try the simple yet scrumptious Sunshine roll, with salmon, thinly sliced lemon, avocado and cucumber. For something a little more adventurous, the Aloha Roll off the specials menu is a delight. It comes with yellowtail tuna, pineapple, jalapeños and a sprinkle of shaved coconut and salt flakes. (MS) 18 W. Market St., Salt Lake City, 801-519-9595 2nd place: Tsunami 3rd place: Sapa

JOHN TAYLOR

BEST OF UTAH

CITYWEEKLY.NET

148 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

Best Tacos

Food

Feed your Inner God-Godess

2016: READERS

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BEST OF UTAH

2016: READERS

BTG Wine Bar

Best Winery

Best Wine Selection

Located in Layton, The Hive Winery specializes in non-grape, gluten-free fruit wines and honey wines (meads, melomels, etc.).

The winery boasts more than 50 wines, ciders and even a modest brandy selection, so you’re sure to find something that suits your fancy. The fruit wines, being void of grapes, are meant to be enjoyed before or after a meal and are drier and sweeter than typical grape wines. Fruit wines at The Hive include the Zion Curtain (raspberry), strawberry and the subtle Little Sunshine (peach), to name a few. (MS) 1220 W. 450 North, Layton, 801-546-1997, TheHiveWinery.com 2nd place: Chateau La Caille Winery 3rd place: Castle Creek

By the 2-ounce taste, 5-ounce glass, the bottle or the wine flight, have it your way at BTG (By The Glass) Wine Bar. Enjoy one of more than 75 wines in the relaxed, upscale bar or elevated booths.

Wine aficionados can rest easy knowing that BTG has all the bases covered with a number of domestic and imported reds and whites, as well as a selection of bubbly. Oh, and the full menu from neighbor Caffé Molise is available at BTG, too. (MS) 63 W. 100 South, Salt Lake City, 801-359-2814, BTGWineBar.com 2nd place: La Caille 3rd place: Pago

The Hive Winery

Best Vegan

Zest Kitchen & Bar High-end, all-vegan is the motto at Zest Kitchen & Bar. The refreshing menu is chock-full of healthy options, which are sourced locally for a farm-to-mouth experience.

Think you can’t be satiated without a dose of meat? Think again.

The manicotti—shakahari curry eggplant with pepita crust, fennel curry potatoes and cucumbermint-lime salad—can convert any carnivore into a believer in veganism. (MS) 275 S. 200 West, Salt Lake City, 801-433-0589, ZestSLC.com 2nd place: Frisch Compassionate Eatery 3rd place: Vertical Diner

BTG Wine Bar

Best Wings

Trolley Wing Co.

Trolley Wing Co.’s foundation is its wings, which are served with your choice of 13 housemade sauces.

These are not your typical wings.

Thick and meaty with the right dosage of sauce, in just one bite, you know you’ve not had better. If you have some sort of gripe with your tastebuds, try the Enema Challenge: 12 wings in the hotterthan-hell sauce. If you can finish them in 30 minutes, there’s no charge. (MS) 2148 S. 900 East, No. 5, Salt Lake City, Facebook.com/TrolleyWingCo 2nd place: The Wing Coop 3rd place: Wing Nutz

2016: READERS

“The Best Jazz Club across the Wasatch Front”

BEST OF UTAH

“ It’s About The Music”

featuring world renowned players and locals alike

Carl Allen Kobie Watkins Art Lande

Corey Christiansen David Halliday Jay Lawrence

Wednesday Nights @ Club 90 801-566-3254 I 9065 s. 150 w. I facebook.com/jazzatthe90

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2016: READERS BEST OF UTAH

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Unexpectedly Good Food from a Decidedly Great Bar JOIN US FOR DINNER AND DRINKS 365 DAYS A YEAR. RELAX ON OUR AWARD WINNING, HEATED/MISTED PATIO AND DECK WITH A SEASONALLY INSPIRED COCKTAIL, AN ICE COLD BEER OR CHOOSE FROM OUR EXTENSIVE WINE AND SPIRITS SELECTION. TAKE IN A GAME OF POOL, SHUFFLEBOARD OR CORN HOLE. WATCH THE GAME ON ONE OF OUR 40+ FULL HD TV'S, LISTEN TO LIVE MUSIC OR CUT THE RUG ON THE DANCE FLOOR. THERE IS SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE HERE AT GRACIE'S GASTROPUB.

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2014

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BEST OF UTAH

2016: READERS

2016: READERS

tails Best Craft Cock Bar-X

CITYWEEKLY.NET

NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 153

NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 153

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JOHN TAYLOR

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BEST OF UTAH

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NIKI CHAN

Best All-Ages Venue

Best Dive Bar

Best Drinks on a Dime

Having recently celebrated their 17th year in business, it’s hard to imagine SLC’s concert scene without Kilby Court. The longest running all-ages venue in the state has played host to thousands of shows, giving kids who are just discovering their own taste in music a chance to see it live in a city filled with bar-based venues. There’s no question that without its existence or influence, many in our city would never have been able to enjoy a proper intimate concert before the age of 21. (GS) 741 W. Kilby Court, Salt Lake City, KilbyCourt.com 2nd place: The Complex 3rd place: Red Butte Garden Amphitheatre

The very definition of a hole in the wall, Cheers to You would be easy to miss passing

by Main Street if not for the loud crowds cheering for whatever major game is on the tube. The bar and the booths are all closequarters, with an East Coast feel and a Cheers mentality, forcing you to not only get to know each other over a drink, but become the best of dive bar buddies. That is, until your team scores over theirs. (GS) 315 S. Main, Salt Lake City, 801-575-6400, CheersToYouSLC.com 2nd place: Twilite Lounge 3rd place: X-Wife’s Place

Having been around for nearly 70 years, there’s a good chance Twilite Lounge was the place your grandfather went for a cheap cold one after work. With a motif matching that of a ’70s lounge, the cash-only bar offers cheap pitchers of whatever ale you and your friends want as you chill over a game of pool or kick back by the fireplace and talk. It’s probably one of the last remaining low-key bars left in SLC that won’t bust your wallet. (GS) 347 E. 200 South, Salt Lake City, 801-532-9400, TwiliteLounge.com 2nd place: Cheers to You 3rd place: X-Wife’s Place

Kilby Court

Best Gentleman’s Club

2016: READERS BEST OF UTAH Kilby Court

Best Dance Club

Cheers to You

Twilite Lounge

Trails

154 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

SLC has seen its share of flash-in-thepan dance clubs come and go over the past two decades, but few have sustained and continued to thrive as long as Area 51.

Offering two floors with different vibes, you can go from Top 40 pop to EDM or goth in a moment’s notice. Throw in the allrequest dance Saturday and an assortment of guest DJs coming through monthly, and every night has something different to offer anyone looking to bust a move. (GS) 451 S. 400 West, Salt Lake City, 801-534-0819, Area51SLC.com 2nd place: Sky SLC 3rd place: Club Jam

JOSH SCHEUERMAN

Area 51

CITYWEEKLY.NET

154 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

Twilite Lounge

NIKI CHAN

2016: READERS BEST OF UTAH

Karaoke at Cheers to You

Traditional gentlemen's clubs just don't exist in the land of Zion, but Trails is about as close as you can get. Going the extra mile to make anyone who walks through their doors feel welcome, the club offers food specials throughout the week, and women get in for free. But, of course, the main draw is the show, featuring dancers who are damn skilled on the pole. With a huge space and what seems like a dozen stages and poles, Trails never fails to show everyone a good time. (GS) 921 S. 300 West, Salt Lake City, 801-363-2871, TrailsClub.com 2nd place: The American Bush 3rd place: Southern X-Posure

BEST OF UTAH

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A RELAXED GENTLEMAN’S CLUB

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Best Ogden Club

The downtown gastropub has been running strong for more than five years and has been a great place to find acoustic performances and hearty pub fare. But lately the place has been seeing a surge in women turning the place into their kickoff point for a night on the town. It doesn’t matter where you might head afterward; Gracie’s is the best place to grab a quick drink and a bite to eat while discussing your game plan for the night. (GS) 326 S. West Temple, Salt Lake City, 801-819-7565, GraciesSLC.com 2nd place: Keys on Main 3rd place: The Westerner

Club Jam has had an impressive track record with Best Of Utah awards, winning in this category for seven years straight—almost every year since it opened. The ownership might have changed, the drinks improved and the music evolved, but Jam changes with the community rather than staying stagnant. The always popular Conference Weekend Party, Pride celebrations and holiday events make sure everyone has a place to be on those special Utah days. (GS) 751 N. Panther Way, Salt Lake City, 801-382-8567, JamSLC.com 2nd place: The Sun Trapp 3rd place: Metro Music Hall (formerly Metro Bar)

Adding to the revitalization movement on historic 25th Street, Alleged took over the once home of the infamous Rose Room Brothel and turned it into a badass club. They're only open three days a week, but have an amazing rooftop patio and some of the best mixed drinks in the city. If you’re a local nightlife hound, this is the club you need to be seen at, the bar you need to dance at and, in true Ogden fashion, the bar you need to get kicked out of at least once. (GS) 201 25th St., Ogden, 801-900-0692, Alleged25th.com 2nd place: Funk ’n’ Dive Bar 3rd place: Brewski’s

Best Karaoke

Best Live Music Club

Best Open-Mic

The Tavernacle might be best known for its dueling piano shows, but three nights a week the bar becomes one of the biggest karaoke joints in the city. From Sunday-Tuesday you can pop in with your crew of show-stopping singers, toss back a little liquid courage and belt out “Don’t Stop Believing” to your heart’s content. But if you're not wrapping it up with Bowie and Queen’s “Under Pressure,” you’re not doing the night justice. (GS) 201 E. 300 South, Salt Lake City, 801-519-8900, Tavervacle.com 2nd place: Highlander Club 3rd place: Frankie & Johnnie’s Tavern

The Depot might not be the first spot on your list for an average night out, but when a band you love rolls through their doors, it’s always a memorable show. Two floors with stocked bars, great seating and a killer sound system make the venue a must-play for national acts looking to take on SLC in style, with an atmosphere that feels like old-school Chicago concert halls. The only complaint? They need more shows! (GS) 400 W. South Temple, Salt Lake City, 801-355-5522, DepotSLC.com 2nd place: The Urban Lounge 3rd place: The State Room

The vast majority of open-mic nights for comedians are spread across the city in unorthodox venues that often get changed or canceled last-minute.

But the one constant among the mix is Wednesday nights at Wiseguys. This single night alone has given nearly every local comedian you’ve ever heard of a chance on a professional stage to get their start and hone their craft. That’s a hell of an achievement for an open-mic night. (GS) 194 S. 400 West, Salt Lake City, 801-532-5233; 269 25th St., Ogden, 801-622-5588, WiseguysComedy.com 2nd place: Greenhouse Effect Coffee & Crepes 3rd place: The Royal

Alleged

The Depot

Club Jam

Wiseguys

Tim Thorn at Wiseguys

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DAV.D DANIELS

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NIKI CHAN

Tavernacle

Club Jam

BEST OF UTAH 2016: READERS 2016: READERS

Best LGBTQ Club

Gracie’s

BEST OF UTAH

Best Girl’s Night Out

Pub snacks and tall ones at Lumpy's

2016: READERS BEST OF UTAH

Best Sports Bar

You could line up a dozen venues and bars all along Park City’s Main Street, but none of them would compare to the constant success of Park City Live. A mainstay for amazing live shows during Sundance, the premiere concert venue for Summit County is a goto for up-and-coming DJs, and a damn fine place to snag a drink and meet new friends between acts. (GS) 427 Main, Park City, 435-649-9123, ParkCityLive.net 2nd place: Downstairs 3rd place: No Name Saloon

It doesn’t matter the time of day, the sport you love or team you root for; Lumpy’s has you covered as the single best spot to watch every sporting event in the world. They've got dozens of TVs showing everything from NBA to FIFA to MMA with great pub food and an excellent selection of beer to keep you fueled throughout the game. But if you truly want to experience Lumpy’s at their finest, hit the bar during a Utes game and watch the fandom go insane on every touchdown. (GS) 145 Pierpont Ave., Salt Lake City, 801-883-8714; 3000 S. Highland Drive, Salt Lake City, 801-484-5597, LumpysBar.com 2nd place: Bout Time Pub & Grub 3rd place: Legends Sports Grill

Park City Live

Best Pool Bar X-Wife’s Place

158 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

CITYWEEKLY.NET

158 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

Best Park City Club

Pool halls in SLC are nearly nonexistent these days, but X-Wife’s Place has made sure to keep the tables warm and the balls rolling for anyone looking to play. It’s one of the few places where you'll find people who still know the rules to Kelly and Rotation, aren’t afraid to temp trick-shots on the 9-Ball, and aren’t just hanging around to shark you out of cash. It’s a fun room and a fair one, but expect to get beat by the best who pop in for a night. (GS) 465 S. 700 East, Salt Lake City, 801-532-1954 2nd place: Johnny’s on Second 3rd place: A Bar Named Sue

Lumpy’s

Best Theme Night ’80s Night, Area 51

Taking over the top floor every Thursday night, Area 51 goes back three decades and throws on some of the coolest and most interesting dance hits from the '80s. Unlike other clubs that might stick to the massive pop hits of the decade, Area goes for the deep cuts and takes chances mixing INXS with Tears For Fears, or playing a mashup of The Cure with Depeche Mode. It just proves when it comes to theme nights, sometimes

JOHN TAYLOR

DEREK CARLISLE

2016: READERS BEST OF UTAH

X-Wife's Place

taking musical risks helps you stand above the rest. (GS) 451 S. 400 West, Salt Lake City, 801-534-0819, Area51SLC.com 2nd place: Cosplay Karaoke, Frankie & Johnnie’s Tavern 3rd place: Spazmatics, Liquid Joe’s

Best Utah Valley Club The Madison

The Madison often gets overlooked because of the other venues that surround it, but make no mistake—it's the premiere dance club for Provo nightlife. The place goes all out to bring in local DJs both established and rising, and to give those who can’t trek up north every weekend a taste of what we’re enjoying. The club is proof that not only is there a party scene in conservative Utah County, but it’s thriving. (GS) 295 W. Center St., Provo, 801-375-9000, Facebook.com/TheMadisonNightClub 2nd place: ABG’s Libation Emporium 3rd place: Velour Live Music Gallery

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The best the state has to offer extends way past SLC.

DEREK CARLISLE

By John Saltas

2016: COUNTIES

Eagle Point

It actually is discovered—by people driving north from Las Vegas or Los Angeles, anyway. However, spoiled Wasatch Front skiers mostly have yet to encounter the pure powder, challenging back-country skiing and “close, yet remote” ski experience that Eagle Point offers. Head 18 miles east off Interstate 15 and you’ll find the resort tucked up into the beautiful Tushar Mountains of central Utah.

150 S. West Village Circle, Beaver, 435-438-3700, EaglePointResort.com Hungry? Eat your fill at the historic Arshels Café in downtown Beaver.

BEST OF UTAH

Best Undiscovered Ski Resort

2016

C

Beaver County

BEST OF UTAH

s e i t n ou

f o t s Be Utah

With info from Dash Anderson

Box Elder County

Arch 3 at Zaqistan

Best Landlocked Country

Cache County

Caffe Ibis

Best Old West History

JAMIE FELTON

American West Heritage Center

Native Americans, mountain men, pioneer settlers and much more are experienced via exhibits and guided tours (and even building rentals) at this living-history facility spanning regional history dating back to 1820. Two popular annual events are the Pioneer Day Festival and the Old Ephraim Mountain Man Rendezvous held each July. Try the special Valentine’s Dinner in February featuring dinner, live music, a kissing booth and a horse-drawn carriage ride.

4025 S. Highway 89-91, Wellsville, 435-245-6050, AWHC.org Road weary? It’s only 70 miles from Salt Lake City, but if you need caffeine, hit Caffe Ibis Gallery and Deli in Logan.

NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 161

Boasting a giant golden squid against a red background, the official flag of the not-quiteofficial country of Zaqistan flies over two remote acres in northwest Box Elder County.

Those acres were purchased in 2005 on eBay by Zac Landsberg, who promptly declared secession from the United States. Zaqistanis are most proud of their various commissioned art objects.

Citizenship and passport information available at CUAC in Salt Lake City.

Somewhere between Montello, Nev., and the Great Salt Lake, Zaqistan.com Thirsty? Pack your own. The No. 1 import to Zaqistan is water.

CITYWEEKLY.NET

SOFÍA GALLISÁ

Zaqistan

Carbon County

Tavaputs Ranch

Best Cattle Round-Up

162 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

CITYWEEKLY.NET

JEANIE JENSEN

Daggett County

Looking to get your inner city slicker up and at ’em at a real, working cattle ranch? Assuming you can tolerate the 9,000-foot elevation— and the bone-jarring beauty that comprises the remote 10,000-acre Tavaputs Ranch—this is your chance. Tavaputs is home to some of Utah’s greatest wild creatures—not just cattle, but black bear, elk, deer, hawks and eagles, too. If you’re into hiking, horseback riding or ATVs, you might never find a better wedding destination.

Near Price, 435-637-1236, TavaputsRanch.com No beef? Stop into the Cowboy Kitchen in Wellington. They have some of the best lamb in Utah.

Baldwin Bash bouldering in San Rafael

JOHN TAYLOR

JOSH SCHEUERMAN

Marions Variety

Davis County

Duchesne County

DOM DARLING

Mr. George at Kitty Pappas Steak House

Flaming Gorge

TY MANNION

BEST OF UTAH

2016: COUNTIES

Tavaputs Ranch

Emery County

Best Spearfishing

Best Mountain Biking

Best Old-Timey Meal

Best Bouldering

We’re not saying this is the best spearfishing in Utah, but the best in Daggett County is located in Manila, where the water from the Flaming Gorge Reservoir meets the road.

According to state record, the biggest spearfished smallmouth bass, tipping in at 4 pounds, was caught here. A bonus: There’s no limit on taking the invasive, non-native burbot, though be warned—the best chance for burbot is in the winter. Visibility ranges from 6-30 feet. How’s your aim?

Highway 191, Manilla, FlamingGorgeCountry.com Law breaker? Route through Evanston, Wyo., and stock up on some beer.

With 13 miles of mountainous trails, this scenic ride is a favorite among Utah bikers and hikers. Though only minutes from downtown Salt Lake City, Mueller Park remains somewhat of a Wasatch Front secret. However, Salt Lakers can be snobs, you know. Riders (or walkers) can choose to ease the challenge by taking shorter out-and-back options. The views are jaw-dropping and the trails serene.

Mueller Park Road, Bountiful Après Bike? Can’t go wrong at Kitty Pappas Steak House on Main Street in Bountiful.

Authentic soda-fountain lunch counters are few and far between.

One of the best remaining in Utah is at Marions Variety in Roosevelt.

Part general store, part eatery and part history lesson, Marions is sure to bring back memories of a simpler time. Milkshakes and malts are good bets, as are the burgers and sandwiches. But, unique? Try a canned soup. Yeah, it’s on the menu.

Yeah, it used to be a thing.

29 N. 200 East, Roosevelt, 435-722-2143 Bassorama? Wet your lures, spinners and buzzbaits at Starvation State Park.

There are a number of locales in Emery County that might lay claim to some of the best bouldering anywhere. Oh, uh, bouldering is bounding upon and climbing the hell out of giant rocks and outcroppings that most of us have too much sense to try. But if you do, scores of worldclass near-death experiences await in the San Rafael region. And people from all over the world do just that.

SanRafaelCountry.com/Bouldering Jurassic Park? The Cleveland Lloyd Dinosaur Quarry is noted for its Jurassic-era dino bones.

Flaming Gorge Reservoir

Mueller Park

Marions Variety

San Rafael Swell

FALLEN ANGEL TATTOOS

2016: COUNTIES

4453 Commerce Dr - (801) 268-1600

BEST OF UTAH

Get Your Quits To Stix

OVER 30 YEARS TATTOOING EXPERIENCE 1526 S. STATE ST. 801-864-6490

CITYWEEKLY.NET

NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 163

Lower Calf Creek Falls

Best Hike Payoff

2016: COUNTIES

The Foreigner at the Neil Simon Festival

Grand County

Sand Mountain at Little Sahara Recreation Area

VINCE CORAN

Iron County

Best Friends Animal Sanctuary

MIKE SCALORA

Fisher Towers

As if driving along Highway 12 wasn’t stunning enough, anyone who travels southern Utah knows getting off the pavement is always better.

So it is with the 6-mile round-trip hike (easy, but hot in the summer) when hikers are rewarded with a money shot to beat all: water cascading more than 200 feet over several mossy tiers into an idyllic pond that offers its bounty of cool water on tired toes. Instagram awaits.

5.8 miles out and back, Highway 12, 9 miles south of Boulder Not a hiker? Again, the views along Highway 12 are stunning. They alone are worth the drive.

AIMEE GLEESON

GREG WILLIS

Calf Creek Falls

GREG SCHAEFER

BEST OF UTAH

CITYWEEKLY.NET

164 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

Garfield County

Juab County

Kane County

Best Movie Backdrop

Best Odd Couple

Best Buggy Riding

Best Pay-It-Forward

If you’re watching the HBO series Westworld, what you’re basically seeing is a commercial for some of the most stunning scenery in Utah— that which surrounds the famous uranium-mining, river-running and bike-riding town of Moab. Dead Horse Point (Thelma and Louise died here), Fisher Towers, Castle Valley and two of our national parks—Arches and Canyonlands—loom as backdrops to nearly every outdoor Westworld scene. Bike or float if you want, but bring your camera to find Dolores and The Man in Black.

DiscoverMoab.com Afraid of Heights? Visit Hole in The Rock, a home and trading post carved into sandstone just 12 miles south of Moab.

Who’da thunk that a city slicker playwriting sophisticate would have his work memorialized during an annual festival in little ol’ Cedar City, Utah? Well, Richard Bugg—a theater professor with but $500 in his pocket at the time (2002)—for one. Bugg started the Neil Simon Festival on that shoestring budget, and 15 seasons later, it’s growing into one of the state’s must-see events, riding nearly the same rails as did the nationally recognized Utah Shakespeare Festival in the same city. Broadway bound, indeed.

Heritage Center Theater, 150 N. 100 East, Cedar City, 435-267-0194, SimonFest.org On Golden Pond? Navajo Lake, just 26 miles from Cedar City, is a southern Utah treasure.

Before modern ATVs, there was the dune buggy. Though also technically an ATV, a dune buggy was at one time a more personalized mash of steel and rubber. While one doesn’t see a classic buggy as often as before, as good a place to find one as any is at the 200-square-mile Little Sahara Recreation Area where buggies, ATVs and motorbikes alike rip-roar all over the shifting, soft sand dunes—a remnant gift left over from when ancient Lake Bonneville dried up.

Highway 6, 4 miles southwest of Jericho, BLM.gov Feeling lucky? Fortunes were made and lost in the mines at Eureka.

Stop for some very old Utah history on the way to Little Sahara, just 18 miles down the road.

There’s a lot to see and do in Kane County (visit old Western movie sets, delight in the town of Kanab, relax at Duck Creek), but year after year, the BFAS rises to the top of our list. Plain and simple: We love animals and BFAS does so well at loving them, too, that its reputation is national. The sanctuary offers tours, cottages, vegetarian food (natch), and a home for around 1,600 animals of every stripe needing love and a safe haven.

Angel Canyon, Kanab, 435-241-7601, BestFriends.org Go Native. Nearby Moqui Cave offers visitors a chance to learn from 1,000-year-old Native American artifacts, plus offers the twist of a dinosaur-tracks display as well.

Moab Area

Neil Simon Festival, Cedar City Little Sahara Recreation Area Best Friends Animal Sanctuary

Fillmore’s Utah Territorial Statehouse

Millard County

BEST OF UTAH

Best County Seat Name

Butch Cassidy

Morgan County

Blues, Brews & BBQ

PEP HINDS

San Juan County

Best Bank-Robber Roots

Best Red River

Every Utah county east of what is now I-15 seems to lay some claim to the legacy of the famous and beloved outlaw, Butch Cassidy—born in 1866 in Beaver as Robert LeRoy Parker.

The cabin in which he was raised was built several years later by his Mormon pioneer family just over the way in Piute County. From that humble start, something triggered young Butch—along with trusty sidekicks like The Sundance Kid and Kid Curry—to rob tens of thousands of dollars from Western banks. It wasn’t the scenery that did it.

Highway 89, Circleville, CirclevilleUtah.org Twofer: If you need a place to stay, try Butch Cassidy’s Hideout Motel in Circleville.

When discussing Utah’s three notable rafting rivers, the lovely San Juan River nearly always comes in a distant third behind the Green River and the Colorado River. Could be that it’s far away and too remote for many, but river guides know better.

The San Juan gave birth to modernday rafting, moves downstream deceptively fast, boasts stunning scenery, delivers riders to Native American petroglyphs, has some nice, wavy rapids and is considered a safer ride for families.

Most adventures begin in Bluff, BluffUtah.org Red Meat: Venture to The Swingin’ Steak in Mexican Hat where your meat literally rocks back and forth over the fire pit.

Butch Cassidy’s Boyhood Home The San Juan

Rich County

Bear Lake

Best Summer Retreat Only two Utah counties are less populous than Rich County, but that just counts full-time residents.

Check back in the summer when the jewel of Rich County—beautiful and deep blue Bear Lake—brims with second-home residents, vacationers and weekend revelers.

They relax in the abundant natural

Clark Planetarium For decades, Utah school kids have marveled at the learning exhibits produced by the amazing staff at Clark Planetarium. Children today stand mesmerized at a Foucault Pendulum in the same manner that their great-grandparents did at the former Hansen Planetarium before man landed on the moon. The Hansen begat the more spacious Clark Planetarium in 2003 when the facility relocated to the Gateway, and the famous star-shows projected in the Hansen Dome Theater never miss a quark. With a recent makeover, the planetarium has its telescopes aimed at future Utah generations—perhaps those headed to Mars and beyond.

An imagination factory, Clark is a very special reason to love Salt Lake County.

110 S. 400 West, Salt Lake City, 385-468-7827, ClarkPlanetarium.org Best Salt Lake County Representative in the U.S. Congress: None.

NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 165

TRACY SCHMIDT

Bear Lake

beauty of the lake, but they also come to golf, hike or bike (an easy bike trail circles the entire lake). It’s noted for water sports, on which there is no limit. Plan on getting wet.

Highway 89, Garden City, BearLake.org Broadway Beckons: Check out the always-popular local theater productions at the Pickleville Playhouse in nearby Pickleville.

Salt Lake County

Best Star Base

CITYWEEKLY.NET

It was only a matter of time before Snowbasin—home base to many Alpine events during the 2002 Winter Olympics—grew into a yearround resort in the same manner as its southern cousins, such as Snowbird and Deer Valley. And while the Blues, Brews and BBQ series isn’t exactly new, it is just now growing into its ski boots. Acts this past summer included area favorites like James McMurtry and Hot Buttered Rum. The resort also features free live music each summer Sunday.

3925 E. Snowbasin Road, Huntsville, 888-437-5488, Snowbasin.com U Pick ’Em: Driving from Ogden, hit Huntsville’s Shooting Star Saloon for a burger. From SLC, do the same at Taggart’s Grill.

Piute County

Clark Planetarium

KURT CAVENAUGH

Best New Outdoor Concert Series

Swingin’ Steak in Mexican Hat

1894 MUGSHOT

MIKE HAYMOND

Live music at Snowbasin’s Earl’s Lodge

Makes sense, doesn’t it? To name both a county and its largest city after the U.S. president who held office when the city was founded in 1851, but whom precious few can name: Millard Fillmore, our 13th president and our country’s last Whig Party president. Fillmore— the site chosen by Brigham Young due to its central location—was once the capital of the Utah Territory.

The original Utah Territorial Statehouse still stands and is a major reason to visit this classic pioneer town.

Interstate 15, 145 miles south of Salt Lake City, FillmoreCity.org Home Cookin’. Cluff’s Carhop Café serves President Eisenhower-era-style meals and milkshakes.

2016: COUNTIES

BEN MCKUNE

Fillmore

Sanpete County

Palisades State Park golf course

Snow College

Uintah County

Best High-Elevation Beer Vernal Brewing Co.

Sevier County

Summit County

Best Big Macks

Best Reclamation

Best Horseback Riding

After shuttling to the Park City region for more than 100 years, the Union Pacific Railroad abandoned the line. Utah’s Division of Parks and Recreation stepped in, along with A&K Railroad Materials, and in just a few years, Utah’s first non-motorized rail trail was born.

By foot, horse, ski or bike, the nearly 30-mile trail offers users a scenic treat easily accessed by all residents of the Wasatch Front.

StateParks.Utah.gov Beer here: Before or after that ride, visit Molly Bloom’s Gastro Pub at Kimball Junction.

Tooele County is home to many miles of the former Pony Express trail, so it only makes sense that horsemen have long valued the variety of horseback riding to be found in Tooele County. From dusty trails along the valley floor to treks high into the Oquirrh Mountains, there are plenty of options. Many consider the very best of those choices to be the varied rides in the Stansbury Range, still fairly undiscovered and always rugged, wild and beautiful.

ExploreTooele.com Ghostbuster: The not-quite-dead town of Ophir still evokes the wild, mining West.

Fish Lake

Some of the biggest fish caught anywhere in Utah are at Fish Lake. Besides the familiar rainbows, browns and splakes (a hybrid of brook and lake trout), anglers are often surprised to learn that the lake is also a fishery for perch and pike. But everyone knows it’s the lake trout—the mighty mackinaw—upon which Fish Lake stakes its claim. Though even larger macks are found at Flaming Gorge, monster-sized lake trout are the calling card of this gem of a mountain lake.

State Route 25, Richfield, FishLakeResorts.com Fireworks: The annual Fourth of July parade in Richfield is a perfect slice of Americana pie.

Historic Union Pacific Rail Trail

Tooele County Stansbury Mountains

Utah County

The Tree Room at Sundance Resort

Best of Bob

DEREK CARLISLE

Sundance Mountain Resort Robert Redford has given much to Utah—notably the Sundance Film Festival. But in this corner, his greater gift is the transformation he delivered to the former Timp Haven resort after he purchased it and renamed it Sundance. Now, it’s a fully developed ski-mountain and summer resort (try the zip line). Two longtime City Weekly favorites to be had at Sundance are dining in the Tree Room and imbibing at the Owl Bar. Classics.

8841 N. Alpine Loop Road, Sundance, 800-892-1600, SundanceResort.com Best BYU Tweeter: Boney Fuller (@boneyfuller). Follow. Laugh. Repeat.

So, so many people think microbrew pubs are only found in chic urban hoods. Not so. Evidence: Vernal Brewing Co., which not only feeds and fuels the hearty souls of Utah’s coldest zones, but is also a crowd favorite at the annual Utah Beer Festival. With some of the more cleverly named beers around (Not Your Mama’s Milk Stout, She’s a Peach Wheat and .50 Caliber IPA), you’ll easily find a matching meal before heading into the Uintas, floating the Green River or snagging a trout at Flaming Gorge.

55 S. 500 East, Vernal, 435-781-2337, VernalBrewingCo.com For Flatlanders: Wet the lures for giant bass or bluegill at Pelican Lake, south of Vernal.

Homestead Caldera

WESTON FULLER

Horseback riding in Stansbury Mountains

CHAD GOOD

STACEY JENSEN

Molly Bloom’s friendly staff

HEATHER L. KING

By any measure, Snow College consistently ranks as one of America’s best. It’s affordable.

It has a high graduation rate. Former students rave, its teacher-to-student ratio is excellent—and so is its football team. After two years, many of those Badgers grow into University of Utah Utes. Here’s just a short list of those gentlemen: Garett Bolles, Star Lotulelei, Matt Asiata, Sunia Tauteoli, Pasoni Tasini, Evan Moeai, plus Murray’s own James Aiono and Riley Richmond. Go Badgers (and future Utes).

150 College Ave., Ephraim, 435-283-7000, Snow.edu FORE! The 18-hole course at Palisades State Park in Sterling is one of Utah’s best tracks.

SHANE OMALLEY

UTAH.GOV

2016: COUNTIES BEST OF UTAH

CITYWEEKLY.NET

166 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

Fish Lake

Vernal Brewing Co.

Best Football Pipeline

Wasatch County

Best Hot Pot

Homestead Caldera

Remember the scene in 127 Hours when James Franco and the gals jump from a cliff ledge to a body of blue water below? That was really a natural hot-spring pool inside the Homestead Caldera and, well, a few hundred miles from where the movie was set. No matter. Scuba divers have used the crystal clear waters for lessons and diving for years, and since it’s located right at the popular Homestead Resort, locals have visited this unique 10,000-year-old hot pot for nearly as long.

700 Homestead Drive, Midway, 435-654-1102, HomesteadResort.com Great Eats: Snake Creek Grill in Heber City is consistently rated one of Utah’s best eateries.

s e i t n u o C

BEST OF UTAH

of Best h Uta

2016: COUNTIES

Washington County

Best Multi-Use State Park Sand Hollow

Ranking third in size among Utah’s state parks, this valued area near St. George offers OHV riders and watersport lovers plenty of options. The dunes that give the park its name are a magnet for those who don’t mind getting some dirt in their eyes, while the waters of Sand Hollow reservoir do likewise for those who don’t mind some water smearing their make-up. Golfers join the fun at nearby Sand Hollow Golf Resort.

3351 Sand Hollow Road, Hurricane, 435-680-0715, StateParks.Utah.gov Margaritaville: Springdale’s The Bit & Spur is the place to wet your whistle in Zion land.

DEREK CARLISLE

A red beach at Sand Hollow

Wayne County

The Great Gallery

Best Rock Art

We are always torn when telling others about certain Utah treasures because some people, frankly, are jerks—especially the variety that defaces the art, devaluing the culture and history of Utah’s first residents.

The rock art in Horseshoe is no secret, though. It’s fairly easily accessed (albeit leading to a strenuous hike) and is among the finest examples of rock art in Utah including the oftphotographed Great Gallery.

NPS.gov

Weber County

TY MANNION

Horseshoe Canyon

Aloha: The town of Loa—Hawaiian for “large and powerful”—was named by a Mormon missionary who served in Hawaii.

Peery’s Egyptian Theater

Best King Tut Legacy

NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 167

2415 Washington Blvd., Ogden, 801-689-8700, EgyptianTheaterOgden.com Pick a Wife: Ogden’s Own Distillery produces the popular Five Wives Vodka, resulting in the best local advertising promotion in these parts. CW

CITYWEEKLY.NET

There were once more than 100 U.S. theaters inspired by and constructed in a style celebrating ancient civilizations. Grauman’s Egyptian Theater in Los Angeles is the most famous of those that remain, and of that small number, Utah has two Egyptian jewels— one in Park City and one in Ogden.

Ogden’s Peery presents both filmcentric events (like the Big Lebowski Festival) and live musical and stage performances. No matter the reason for attending, you’ll be struck by the beauty of the structure and glad that is has survived.

JOE HALL

Peery’s Egyptian Theater

168 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

CITYWEEKLY.NET

BEST OF UTAH

2016: COUNTIES

MOVIE REVIEW

Female Troubles

CINEMA

The Edge of Seventeen overburdens its heroine with too many issues.

BY SCOTT RENSHAW scottr@cityweekly.net @scottrenshaw

N

Hailee Steinfeld and Hayden Szeto in The Edge of Seventeen a dream date for Nadine that quickly tips toward a possible sexual assault; a gently heartbreaking bit where Nadine realizes she has nobody to sit with at lunch. All the volatility in Nadine’s world makes it hard at times to know how to feel about her: Is she a genuinely messed-up kid, or someone who’s dramatizing the common challenges faced by so many teens?

More frustrating still is the way Craig seems to be on the verge of giving the narrative an unexpected focal point in Nadine’s contentious relationship with her brother. It takes too long for Darian to become a character outside of Nadine’s angry point of view, which is in some ways the point, but also relegates to an afterthought an angle rich with potential: how family ties can make it impossible to lean on your most reliable allies. The attempt to cover too much ground robs The Edge of Seventeen of its chance to cover unique ground.

No individual—and no movie—can easily manage all of the issues. CW

O B O R Y N I H S G BI

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News from the geeks. what’s new in comics, games, movies and beyond.

THE EDGE OF SEVENTEEN

| CITY WEEKLY |

BB.5 Hailee Steinfeld Blake Jenner Woody Harrelson Rated R

TRY THESE Juno (2007) Ellen Page Michael Cera Rated PG-13

True Grit (2010) Jeff Bridges Hailee Steinfeld Rated R

The Diary of a Teenage Girl (2015) Bel Powley Alexander Skarsgård Rated R

exclusively on cityweekly.net

NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 169

Ghost World (2001) Thora Birch Scarlett Johansson Rated R

| MUSIC | CINEMA | DINING | A&E | NEWS |

American man to be a romantic lead.

Harrelson also does uniquely appealing things with the typically stock character of the “understanding teacher,” convincingly combining a fairly half-assed approach to doing his job with the basic human decency to help the obviously troubled student who needs a sympathetic ear.

There’s also a distinctive pleasure in watching Steinfeld continue to grow as an actor, when her side gig as a pop star would make it so easy for her to become little more than a personality. It’s not as though her potential wasn’t clear from the outset, given her Oscar-nominated breakout role in True Grit, but there are moments throughout The Edge of Seventeen where she expands her range to a new corner. She’s certainly funnier here than she’s had a chance to be in most of her previous roles, biting off Nadine’s bitter dialogue with a real flair. And she demonstrates a lovely subtlety during a scene at a house party where Krista begins mingling with some of the more popular girls; there’s a flicker of a smile as she feels happy for her best friend’s good fortune, before she realizes how alone that leaves her.

While those swings of emotion are the teen world in which The Edge of Seventeen is trying to live, it’s hard for a movie to struggle with similar shifts in tone. As goofy and fun as the scenes are when focused on a more satirical vibe, Craig is also attempting to navigate more precarious territory: the tragic death of Nadine’s beloved father, and its impact on the whole family;

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adine Franklin (Hailee Steinfeld) has issues. A 17-year-old high-school junior, she’s a social outcast with only one best friend, Krista (Haley Lu Richardson), and that friendship is jeopardized when Krista hooks up with Nadine’s BMOC brother, Darian (Everybody Wants Some!!’s Blake Jenner). She’s perpetually clashing with her widowed, high-strung mother (Kyra Sedgwick). She lusts after a mysterious, hot guy named Nick (Alexander Calvert) who doesn’t even know she exists. She binge-drinks. She’s even telling her disaffected history teacher (Woody Harrelson) that she’s contemplating suicide. Yep, she has issues. All of them. All of the issues.

The Edge of Seventeen has its own issues—and it’s kind of a shame, because it also has so much going for it. First-time director Kelly Fremon Craig—who also wrote the screenplay—plays with familiar high-school movie relationship dynamics in creative ways, and adds to the welcome 21st-century surge in cinematic coming-ofage stories from a female perspective. But too often it feels like it’s trying to be every kind of high-school movie at the same time.

It’s a comedy that often gets surprisingly serious, and a drama that keeps making tension-breaking jokes at odd moments.

It’s generally better at the comedy part, even when that means turning Nadine into that contemporary teen trope, “The Daria”: the smart, tart-tongued, dark-humored, usually unpopular girl. Much of the best material involves Steinfeld’s friendship with Erwin (Hayden Szeto), whose painfully awkward attempts to make his crush on her clear often blow up in his face. Szeto and Steinfeld have a wonderfully charming offbeat chemistry, and it’s undeniably satisfying watching a contemporary multiplex movie allow an Asian-

CINEMA CLIPS

MOVIE TIMES AND LOCATIONS AT CITYWEEKLY.NET

NEW THIS WEEK Information is correct at press time. Film release schedules are subject to change.

BILLY LYNN’S LONG HALFTIME WALK [not yet reviewed] An Iraq War hero (Joe Alwyn) struggles with the events leading up to a high-profile ceremony honoring him. Opens Nov. 18 at theaters valleywide. (R)

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BLEED FOR THIS BB If there is something new to be said about boxing in a movie, Bleed for This does not find it. This is a mystery: The true story of champion fighter Vinny Pazienza should be effortlessly inspiring. After a car crash in which he broke his neck, Pazienza was told he might never walk again, never mind box—and still he recovered, got back in the ring and won more titles. Yet this is a movie in which its hero—played by Miles Teller, as unlikeable as ever—spends half the running time in one of those alien-looking medical halos to keep his head immobile (so his spine can heal), and still it feels like we’ve seen this all before. Every beat is old hat, and none has any emotion or energy. At worst, it squanders the talents of Aaron Eckhart as Vinnie’s coach and Katey Segal as his mother (and renders both unrecognizable under mounds of makeup). At best, the film unintentionally highlights the insanity of a “sport” in which men beat the crap out of each other, what with Pazienza’s fragile body a punch away from death. Opens Nov. 18 at theaters valleywide. (R)—MaryAnn Johanson THE EDGE OF SEVENTEEN BB.5 See review p. 169. Opens Nov. 18 at theaters valleywide. (R)

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FANTASTIC BEASTS AND WHERE TO FIND THEM [not yet reviewed] Newt Scamander (Eddie Redmayne) and J.K. Rowling’s

THE HANDMAIDEN BBBB Park Chan-wook is always a safe bet to deliver movies that are visually striking and more than a little unsettling; he hasn’t typically been given enough credit for his socio-political edge. Adapting Sarah Waters’ novel Fingersmith from Victorian England to 1930s Japan-occupied Korea, Park tells the story of pickpocket Sook-hee (Kim Tae-ri), who becomes the servant of the wealthy Lady Hideko (Kim Min-hee) with the purpose of facilitating a fraud by would-be suitor Count Fujiwara (Ha Jung-woo)—except that Lady Hideko’s passions might lie elsewhere. The twisty narrative—which circles back multiple times to observe the same events from different points of view—makes for a compelling mystery, seasoned with some explicit sex, queasy-making violence and Park’s distinctive art direction of locations like a sinister “reading room” and a mosscovered set of stone steps. But the real punch comes in the way Park explores the manipulation of power dynamics and the different form abusive relationships take, with more than a token swipe at the role of pornography in perpetuating patriarchy. It might emerge from a dark place, but it’s also the director’s purest love story yet.

Opens Nov. 18 at Broadway Centre Cinemas. (NR)—Scott Renshaw THE UNCONDEMNED BBB For all the bloody history of the 20th century, and even with great strides toward concepts of international justice such as the Nuremberg trials, no one had ever been tried for, let alone convicted of, genocide or wartime rape. An idealistic group of young lawyers, activists and journalists wanted to change that after 1994 Tutsi genocide and mass rapes in Rwanda. The Uncondemned is a retelling of how those women and men—black and white, Americans and Europeans and Rwandans—succeeded. With minimal practical resources and facing sensitive difficulties of getting rape victims to speak about their experiences, they mounted an impossible trial against the mayor of a small Rwandan town for inciting murder and rape to serve political

ends. The film does not shy away from the horrors of 1994 Rwanda, but it does find reasons for optimism, too, as in how the rape survivors found healing in the prosecution. This is not just a movie about terrible crimes but about the ways we cope with those crimes, as victims, as those helping victims, and as a society.

This is about law and civilization triumphing over cruelty and war.

Opens Nov. 18 at Broadway Centre Cinemas. (NR)—MAJ

SPECIAL SCREENINGS AUDRIE & DAISY At Park City Library Jim Santy Auditorium, Nov. 19, 6:30 p.m. (NR) THE GOLD RUSH At Edison Street Events, Nov. 17-18, 7:30 p.m. (NR) GROWING UP COY At Marmalade Library, Nov. 17, 7 p.m. (NR) KILLING THEM SOFTLY At Brewvies, Nov. 21, 10 p.m. (R)

A MAN CALLED OVE At Park City Film Series, Nov. 18-19, 6 p.m. & Nov. 20, 8 p.m. (NR) THE NEW KID At Main Library, Nov. 22, 7 p.m. (NR) THIS IS SPINAL TAP At Tower Theatre, Nov. 11, 11 p.m. (R)

CURRENT RELEASES

ARRIVAL BBBB Here’s an optimistic science-fiction tale about mankind’s worst tendencies threatening to overtake our best ones. When aliens arrive suddenly in what could be attack formation, linguist Louise Banks (Amy Adams), aided by a simpatico theoretical physicist (Jeremy Renner), is summoned to decipher their language and determine their threat level. Though the circumstances are perilous, it’s not an Independence Day kind of film. Instead, director Denis Villeneuve emphasizes the scientific process, striving to put events in a realworld context. The film is not dour; some sequences exist just to fill us with wonder, and there’s no coyness about showing the aliens.

But its greatness is in its heart. The aliens’ mission and technology dovetail sublimely with Louise’s personal quests, bringing symmetry to the story and grounding it in relatable experiences and fears. This is poignant, personal sci-fi at its best. (PG-13)—Eric D. Snider

more than just movies at brewvies

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wizarding world come to America in a prequel adventure. Opens Nov. 18 at theaters valleywide. (PG-13)

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TRUE

BY B I L L F RO S T @bill_frost

Got STDs?

TV

GO! SO? NO.

Lovesick is no longer Scrotal Recall; someone should be watching Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.

Lovesick Thursday, Nov. 17 (Netflix)

Season Premiere: The British series formerly known as Scrotal Recall returns for a second season as Lovesick. Admittedly, it’s not as catchy a name, but how could they ever top Scrotal Recall? Dicks for the Memories? Poundtown Abbey? Doctor Strange? Anyway: Lovesick is still a romanticish comedy about sexually prolific Dylan (Johnny Flynn) contacting his former bedmates episode-by-episode to inform them that he has an STD and, possibly, come across … let’s rephrase that … happen upon a Miss Right whom he might have blindly overlooked before. It’s all charming enough fluff worth bingeing over the holidays after you’ve torn through Gilmore Girls, and you won’t have to explain the (new) title to the parental units.

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Fridays (The CW)

New Season: We’ve recently learned a hard, orange lesson about trusting polls and ratings, but the numbers show that no one is watching the second season of Crazy ExGirlfriend, a musical rom-com oddity that struggled even before The CW banished it to Fridays. Too bad, because, even though the songs aren’t as strong this time around—call it Flight of the Conchords Syndrome—creator/ producer/star Rachel Bloom is funnier and more confident as an actor than before the title role. In the first season, Rebecca (Bloom) left her career—and her meds—in New York City to chase old flame Josh (Vincent Rodriguez III) in strip-malled SoCal; now that she’s sorta landed him, things are getting even weirder and more unpredictable in Season 2. Put Crazy Ex-Girlfriend in the catch-up cue before Lovesick.

The Affair Sunday, Nov. 20 (Showtime)

Season Premiere: Still on? Really? The Affair ran out of story in its first season, and now Showtime is tossing out a

third installment of The Sulking Whiteys. It all started with frustrated writer—aren’t they all?—Noah (Dominic West) boning waitress Alison (Ruth Wilson), much to the mehsmay of their respective, equally boring spouses (Maura Tierney and Joshua Jackson). For annoying measure, there are also alternate perspectives, split timelines and a whodunit murder subplot in play, all designed to excuse The Affair’s self-absorbed vanilla dullness with an “It’s Artsy!” defense. Nope. Shameless (still killing it in Season 7, BTW) deserves a better lead-out, Showtime.

Squidbillies Sunday, Nov. 20 (Adult Swim)

Thanksgiving Episode: Now more than ever, we need the redneck wisdom of Squidbillies. In Season 10(!), the animated series about land-locked Deep South squids (just go with it) has been extended to include Halloween (graverobbin’!) and Thanksgiving (dinner-fightin’!) episodes, but, sadly, no Christmas special. You haven’t earned it, ’Merica. Maybe next year. On one hand (tentacle?), perhaps we should set aside such broad stereotypes and reach out to the conservative side of the nation to foster a new sense of unity and understanding. On the other … this shit is just too funny. Make America Squids Again!

Want to sell your company?

Lovesick (Netfilx)

Search Party Monday, Nov. 21 (TBS)

Series Debut: Sometimes “dark” comedy is just code for “not necessarily funny” comedy, and there’s probably a reason TBS is blowing out Search Party over five days instead of running it for 10 weeks. When Dory (Alia Shawkat) and her insufferably shallow Brooklynite friends become caught up in the mystery of a missing college acquaintance they vaguely remember, barely anything happens. It quickly becomes apparent that these idiots wouldn’t even be able find their own asses without Google Maps, and that Search Party is a not-so-subtle commentary on directionless Millennials who are armed with too much information and zero real-world experience. Edited down to a 90-minute indie-flick, this could work; the friends’ run-ins with harsh reality are hilarious, if too few and far-between. As a five-hour series, not so much.

Listen to Frost Mondays at 8 a.m. on X96 Radio From Hell, and on the TV Tan podcast via Stitcher, iTunes, Google Play and BillFrost.tv.

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After losing two members, The Posies continue to grow.

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Thematically, much of the album centers around familiar pop topics of romantic intrigue, but “Squirrel vs. Snake” adds a political snipe: “Don’t trust some guy that says he needs to be relied on/ or a government that says you should be spied on.” And naturally, some songs concern the loss of their friends. Stringfellow says several songs are about Minwalla, including the haunting sing-along “Unlikely Places,” where Auer sings, “I’ve been looking for you in unlikely places.” The album’s themes of healing and love still find relevance today, especially in light of recent darkness.

In keeping with mixing things up, The Posies are currently on a “Secret Pop-Up Shows” tour, begun earlier this year in Europe, where they perform for crowds as small as 10—and no larger than 100. They seem to be part of a recent “hip” trend of name artists playing small, intimate performances in private homes, but there’s more to it than that. “In the age of ubiquitous, ‘everything all the time’—drones delivering your whims to your balcony, music streaming from any device you choose—we made everything more difficult,” Stringfellow says. “You can only get the physical album at shows. You have to buy a ticket to the shows to find out where they are. … It’s fun to play places that aren’t the usual go-to rock club in town, and make a unique experience for each show.”

Seeing The Posies at a secret show is like having a crème brûlée prepared tableside at a small restaurant: a treat that’s sweet but also a bit intense, even incendiary. Not to mention cathartic and commiserative. Stringfellow says The Posies’ sets always include the songs about Minwalla, and they talk about him and Skyward every night. CW

Reggae

Thursday 11/17

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n the other side of the world, in a Manchester pub, The Posies’ Ken Stringfellow struggles to be heard over noisy pint-hoisting patrons and a wavering Wi-Fi connection. Before the call cuts out, he exclaims, “We’re the crème brûlée of indie rock!”

That might sound like a bit of bravado.

Take it as a metaphor for undergoing the fire of adversity to create the esteemed alt-rock/ power-pop band’s musical confection, after Stringfellow and longtime friend and musical partner Jon Auer watched bassist Joe Skyward and drummer Darius Minwalla pass away within 10 months of each other.

Minwalla, who had played in a number of other bands—including backing Hugh Cornwell of British punk legends The Stranglers—died unexpectedly in May 2015, during the recording of The Posies’ newest album, Solid States (Lojinx). “Darius’ death really threw us into turmoil,” recalls 48-year-old Stringfellow.

“We spent several months wondering what to and if to do, at all.

Eventually we realized resuming work on the album was the way out of the emotional crater that we were in.” Skyward, also known for playing with Sunny Day Real Estate, had been battling cancer for several years, and lost the fight in March—48 hours before a planned Posies tour.

The Posies are no strangers to losing bandmates. Months before the release of 2010’s Blood/Candy (Rykodisc), Stringfellow and Auer lost Alex Chilton, leader of renowned power-pop band Big Star, which the pair joined in 1993. Chilton passed just three days before a highly anticipated performance at South by Southwest in Austin, Texas. The show morphed into an all-star tribute, with the likes of John Doe, The Watson Twins, Chris Stamey, Mitch Easter, Evan Dando, Sondre Lerche and R.E.M.’s Mike Mills joining Stringfellow, Auer and drummer Jody Stephens for a poignant set of Big Star hits and stories. Although Big Star continued to perform on occasion, including complete performances of their masterpiece Third, the band is now essentially inactive.

Not so for The Posies, who originally formed in Bellingham, Wash., in the late ’80s, and whose power-pop hits “Dream All Day” and “Golden Blunders” provided counterpoint to the grunge of the ’90s. The loss of Minwalla and Skyward became part of their agenda to reinvent themselves. “The band has undergone a radical transformation musically, which we’d planned as soon as we embarked upon making this album,” Stringfellow says. They enlisted Frankie Siragusa—who’d played on Stringfellow’s 2012 solo release, Danzig In The Moonlight—to replace Minwalla, and complete Solid States.

Since The Posies have a reputation for setting the bar high, it’s no surprise that Solid States is lyrically dense and sonically deep.

Like Stringfellow says, the band tinkered with their sound, using a laptop, as well as a new synthesizer and effects pedals. The upshot is that the band’s guitar-based sonic palette is lusher than ever.

Sometimes the more modern touches, like the electronics on “Radiance,” can slightly overwhelm the melodies or, with its smoothness, make them seem slight. But on the best cuts, like the single “Squirrel vs. Snake,” the atmospherics enhance the subtleties of the lyrics—just like on classic Posies tracks.

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DEBORAH ANDERSON

MUSIC

Me and Rick and Trevor

Three Yes men go back to the past to reclaim the present.

BY LEE ZIMMERMAN comments@cityweekly.net

S

inger Jon Anderson, keyboardist Rick Wakeman and guitarist Trevor Rabin are going back to the future. That’s because they’re revisiting a storied history that’s still solidly part of the present. The three are participating in a Yes reunion of sorts—one that finds them working again for the first time in 20 years. Their tour, with bassist Lee Pomeroy and drummer Louis Molino III in tow, began in early October and will keep them on the road through the spring of 2017.

Wakeman says the seeds for the project were planted nearly a dozen years ago, in 2005 to be precise. He and Anderson had just completed one phase of a tour with the other members of Yes, but when Anderson became ill and required rest, the band’s other members—guitarist Steve Howe, their late bassist Chris Squire and drummer Alan White—insisted on continuing with a replacement singer. “I told them that I didn’t want to carry on without Jon,” Wakeman says. “I felt that Jon was an integral part of that band. So I said, no, I won’t do that. They went off and did their thing, which was fine.

But once Jon got his health back, we went out and did a duo album called The Living Tree [Voiceprint, 2010], and then two tours in England and one in America.”

Inevitably, that pairing inspired thoughts about further possibilities, including asking Rabin, a member of Yes from 1982 until 1995, to join the fold. “The major difficulty was that Trevor was unbelievably busy and Jon’s unbelievably busy and I’m unbelievably busy,” Wakeman says. “So we realized we’d have to clear the decks in order to find the time to do this. The catalyst came when Chris Squire died and our own mortality hit everybody. We said, ‘If we don’t do this now, who knows when we’ll get the chance to do it.’”

Trevor Rabin, Jon Anderson and Rick Wakerman of Yes

Naturally, it’s no surprise that each musician still cherishes the time spent in employment of the mothership. “A friend of mine sent me a link of Yes doing a show in London and I sent it to my kids right away,” Anderson says. “I told them, ‘This is me when I was in a band as a teenager and I was so stoned.’ I was so cool, man! The end of the ’60s was such an extraordinary time.”

Naturally, ARW performances find them tapping into the Yes catalog. “We play around within those songs to add some bits and pieces to make them sound really fresh,” Wakeman says. “That idea seems to be working really, really well.”

Of course, there is a version of the band that’s still working on the road, and while Howe and White are committed to performing under the Yes banner, Wakeman says that ARW has a claim to the music as well, “We believe that our contributions to Yes’ music haven’t come to an end. That’s one reason why we’re doing this.”

Anderson concurs. “I saw this link that someone sent me from 1971 where we talked about being in the band. Steve had just joined and [drummer] Bill [Bruford] was talking about how Yes is a school. You go in there, you learn the music, and that’s what Yes is. A school of music. So me and Rick and Trevor started talking.” ARW, the two agree, offers an opportunity to bring the Yes trajectory full circle.

“This is definitely not a battle of the bands,” Wakeman replies when asked about competing with Howe and White performing under the Yes banner. “Whatever Steve and Alan want to do is absolutely fine, and we wish them well. But it’s far removed from what we’re doing.” Wakeman firmly believes that, in effect, once you’re a Yes man, you’re a Yes man forever. “Yes music is ingrained in us. It always will be.” CW

ANDERSON, RABIN & WAKEMAN— AN EVENING OF YES

Thursday, Nov. 17, 8 p.m.

Capitol Theatre 50 W. 200 South 801-355-2787 $45-$125 All ages ArtsSaltLake.org

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MUSIC PICKS

THURSDAY 11.17 Shovels & Rope, Indianola

Shovels & Rope have made quite an impression since being named “Best New Band” by the Americana Music Association in 2013. Not content to rest on those kudos, Cary Ann Hearst and Michael Trent have shown their determination to move beyond the rustic sensibility they established early on. Their new effort, Little Seeds (New West), might be their boldest venture yet, one that spans the vast reach of current events and the troubled times in which we live. The shooting at the Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church in their hometown of Charleston, S.C., takes center stage, with message and motif fully in focus. Indeed, for a pair that plays practically every instrument, they create a remarkably diverse musical range. This lyric from the new album—”Black lives, white lives, yellow lives, red/ Let’s all come together and share the bread”—sums up their sentiments succinctly. (Lee Zimmerman) The Depot, 400 W. South Temple, 8 p.m., $19 in advance, $26 day of show, DepotSLC.com

FRIDAY 11.18

Mr. Little Jeans, TRACE

Norwegian-born Monica Birkenes (aka Mr. Little Jeans) became a bit of an overnight sensation with her spellbinding cover of Arcade Fire’s “The Suburbs” that appears on 2014’s Pocketknife (Harvest). It’s no surprise—that particular blend of dreamy, synth-infused fan-fiction was the perfect access point to the collection of muted pop tunes on her debut LP. Since the release of Pocketknife, Birkenes’ music has popped up in films like Iron Man 3 and television shows like Gossip Girl. Her tour kicks off

Mr. Little Jeans

only weeks after the ink has dried on her latest EP, Fevers (Nettwerk).

While Fevers definitely stays true to the roots that Mr. Little Jeans put down with the release of Pocketknife, there’s something a bit more ambitious and expansive about these new songs, and it speaks to Birkenes’ evolution as an artist.

(Alex Springer) Kilby Court, 741 S. 330 West, 6 p.m., $12, KilbyCourt.com

SATURDAY 11.19 Cuca

So I just got back from Cancun. My favorite souvenir? Glad you asked. It’s a very detailed skull hand-carved by a real-deal Mayan from deer bone (still wet with marrow—¡qué metal!) that I purchased from him while in the shadow of the Castillo de Kulkulcán at Chichen Itza. That, and a stack of rock en español CDs I got at the mall. Among the pile are platos

by El Tri, Los Frankys, Haragan y Cia—

NOLWEN CIFUENTES

176 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

BY RANDY HARWARD, ALEX SPRINGER, BRIAN STAKER & LEE ZIMMERMAN

CURTIS WAYNE MILLARD

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Shovels & Rope and Venganza del Cucamonga (Fonarte Latino), the new one from these cabrones. You might have heard Cuca’s bitchin’ canción “Alcohol y Rocanrol” in Robert Rodriguez’s Once Upon A Time in Mexico.

Or maybe you’re already aware they’re one of Mexico’s biggest bands, and they’re celebrating their 25th anniversary with their first album in almost 10 years. In which case, you already know the new joint rocks as hard as “Alcohol” and has Cuca’s trademark Beavicio y Nalga-head humor. It’s a big deal they’re playing here, so come along with me and shout for new songs like “Caca Pop” and “Más Puta Que Las Putas” and classics like “Señorita Cara de Pizza” and “Qué Chingaos.”

(Randy Harward) Infinity Event Center, 26 W. 600 South, 7:30 p.m., $35-$50, InfinityEventCenter.com

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New Expanded Hours for Rye: Monday-Friday from 9am-2pm Saturday and Sunday from 9am-3pm Friday and Sunday from 6pm-11pm

Free ticket Tuesday at Rye! 1 entree = 1 ticket at Urban Lounge (while supplies last) www.ryeslc.com

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saturday, november 19

DJ LATU

NOV 17:

Weeknights

NOV 18:

monday

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OUR FAMOUS OPEN BLUES JAM WITH WEST TEMPLE TAILDRAGGERS

tuesday

LOCAL NIGHTS OUT

8PM DOORS

ANDY MCKEE NOV 18: TORO Y MOI THE MATTSON 2 9PM DOORS LATE SHOW

NOV 19:

PAPER BIRD THE BALLROOM THIEVES

NOV 22:

CVPITVLS MOTHER KILL JOY

7PM DOORS EARLY SHOW

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6PM DOORS EARLY SHOW

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LIVE

6PM DOORS EARLY SHOW

9:30PM DOORS LATE SHOW

VOIDSMEN STORMS

HOT VODKA HEAVY DOSE 90S TELEVISION TONY HOLIDAY

SUPER 78 ALBUM RELEASE

THE CIRCULARS CUPIDCOME THE NODS

British folk band Skinny Lister is like The Pogues with an even more rambunctious attitude. OK, you’re stumped. Actually, that’s the idea. Lincoln Durham’s music suggests he’s one dissatisfied soul, an unholy amalgam of Nick Cave, Tom Waits and Robert Plant as they share their edge and agitation. In equal measure, darkness and defiance makes for a powerful brew, and Durham seems intent on carrying that combination to the most ragged extreme. Trapper Schoepp is not as easily defined. He leans toward a more eccentric stance, imbued with self-deprecating humor and occasional twists that challenge the listener. Nevertheless, their enthusiasm and exhilaration makes every show something of a celebration, reason enough to catch them. (LZ) The State Room, 638 S. State, 9 p.m., $17, 21+, TheStateRoomSLC.com

Phallic Food Party No. 2: Heathen Ass Worship reunion, Zombiecock, SCROmance

COPELAND

RAE CASSIDY

FLASH & FLARE FRIENDSGIVING NATE HOLLAND COMING SOON

Nov 29: Indigo Plateau Nov 30: Benjamin Francis Leftwich Dec 01: The Tribe of I Dec 02: The Hound Mystic Dec 03: Shelter Red

Skinny Lister, Lincoln Durham, Trapper Schoepp & the Shades

Dec 04: Charles Ellsworth Dec 06: Toh Kay Dec 07: Rooney Dec 08: SLUG Localized

OK, local music fans—prepare yourselves.

Tonight, for the first time since 2011, notorious “sexgrab music” quartet Heathen Ass Worship reunite. From their official propaganda, they disbanded “after their ladyboy/snuffporn ranch in the Philippines was shut down.” In that time, they “wandered the planet, looking for the most hedonistic ways to fill their gaping holes.”

That, uh, fits the occasion. Tonight is the second iteration of drummer Jordan Fairbanks’ Phallic Food Party, a concert/ culinary event that entails eating a bunch

Skinny Lister

of stuff that makes you look like … you know. “Hotdogs and bananas will be provided,” Fairbanks says, adding that we’re welcome to make it a potluck and bring our own pickles or popsicles or … does spotted dick count? Fairbanks says, “Yeah, if you wanna pass on your leprosy. You sickass gift-giver.” (RH) Metro Music Hall, 615 W. 100 South, 9 p.m., $6.66 (half price if you dress as a phallic food), 21+, Facebook.com/MetroMusicHall

WEDNESDAY 11.23

A Salt Lake City Tribute to Bruce Springsteen

There comes a time in every rock ’n’ roll musician’s life when they must pay tribute to the Boss. Just before Thanksgiving, The State Room hosts a Bruce Springsteeninspired concert performed by members of local rock groups such as Neon Trees, The Hollering Pines, The Lower Lights, The Blue Heart Revue and Atherton. The artists will be tackling Springsteen’s seminal album Born in the U.S.A. in its entirety, along with many other classics from the rock legend’s songbook. It’ll be a great way to clear the air after post-election fallout and welcome the holiday season— there won’t be a dry eye in the house when the locally sourced rock stars launch into “My Hometown.” In addition to being a nostalgic night out with some great music, proceeds from the event will go to benefit the Salt Lake City Rape Recovery Center.

(AS) The State Room, 638 S. State, 8 p.m., $12, 21+, TheStateRoomSLC.com

Felix Martin & Andy McKee

Guitar nerds get a double-dose of hot stringy action this week, with Felix Martin at Club X and Andy McKee at The Urban Lounge. You might never encounter another guitarist like Felix Martin. Sure, there’s plenty of competition, but how many others perform on two guitars simultaneously, shredding and riffing with metallic mayhem and pure precision? Venezuela-born Martin’s playing is out of this world, thanks in part to his custom-designed 14- and 16-string axes. Not only that, he began perfecting his technique at age 13, and so far, no one else has ever attempted to emulate it. That alone is worth the price of admission … after all, this is novelty with nuance. Club X, 445 S. 400 West, Thursday, 8 p.m., $12, 21+, ClubXSLC.com Andy McKee takes the opposite tack. Or maybe not. An accomplished acoustic instrumentalist, he makes his steel-string guitar sound like an entire orchestra through altered tunings, tapping, partial capos, percussive hits and his signature two-handed technique. Apart from his tours all over the world, he claims millions of hits on YouTube while gracing the covers of guitar magazines. Supple, seductive and imbued with special finesse, McKee puts on shows that have earned him a fanatical following. Hear the zing in his strings this Friday. (Lee Zimmerman) The Urban Lounge, 241 S. 500 East, Friday, 6 p.m., $25, 21+, TheUrbanLoungeSLC.com

CONCERTS & CLUBS

ANDY MCKEE BY ED RODE

THURSDAY-FRIDAY 11.17-18

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CONCERTS & CLUBS

CITY WEEKLY’S HOT LIST FOR THE WEEK

COMPLETE LISTINGS ONLINE @ CITYWEEKLY.NET

THURSDAY 11.17 WEDNESDAY

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THE NIGHT BEFORE THANKSGIVING WITH LIVE BAND NO COVER FOOD & DRINK SPECIALS

Ali Ali Oxen Free + Basic Language (Velour Live Music Gallery) Felix Martin + The Fine Constant + Acclimate Theory (Club X) see p. 179 GABI + Peanut Butter Octopus + Peach Dream (Kilby Court) New Shack + Le Voir + Famous Relatives + RS2090 (Metro Music Hall) Proper Way (Hog Wallow Pub) Shovels & Rope + Indianola (The Depot) see p. 176 Will Clarke + Sage Armstrong (Club Elevate) Wired For Havoc + Bad Case of Big Mouth-Safe + So Simple-No Robot (Muse Music Cafe) Yardss + Jeffrey Lewis + Los Bolts (Diabolical Records) Yes (Capitol Theatre) see p. 174

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE

Dueling Pianos (The Spur Bar & Grill) Jazz Jam Session (Sugar House Coffee) Therapy Thursdays feat. Will Clarke (Club Elevate) Reggae Thursday (The Royal)

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FRIDAY 11.18 LIVE MUSIC

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Bone Thugs-n-Harmony + Victor Menegaux (Park City Live) see p. 181

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FRIDAY 11.25 & SATURDAY 11.26

Tony Holiday (The Royal) Corefest + A Lost Asylum + Imalive + No Company + Memories Lost + Allies Always Lie (In The Venue) The Dead Ships + Motion Coaster (Kilby Court) Denzel Curry + Boogie (In The Venue) Festive People, Timmy The Teeth + Kissed Out + Pipes (Velour Live Music Gallery) Kevin Devine & The Goddamn Band + Pinegrove + Petal (Billboard- Live!)

Method Man + Redman (The Depot) see p. 181 Michelle Moonshine & Company (The Spur Bar & Grill) Mr. Little Jeans + Trace + Mark Swink (Kilby Court) see p. 176 Operation Encore + The Real Doug Lane + Brother Chunky + Andrew Wiscombe (Muse Music Cafe) Squarewave Electronic Night (Diabolical Records) Stonefed (Hog Wallow Pub) Swamp Donkey + A Traitor’s Last Breath + Pine (Why Sound) Tommy Castro + The Painkillers (The State Room) Zion Riot (Brewski’s)

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Method Man & Redman, Bone Thugs-n-Harmony

SUNDAY BRUNCH & COCKTAILS

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| MUSIC | CINEMA | DINING | A&E | NEWS |

$3 Mimosa’s $4 Hamm’s $5 Bloody Mary’s Brunch Menu under $10

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FEELING CHILLY?

ALYSSA TOMFOHRDE

Now it’s rap aficionados’ turn—only these two shows are on the same night at different venues. Variously referred to as Meth & Red, Red & Mef, John Blaze and Funk Doc or Funk Doctor Spock and Johnny Blaze, Method Man and Redman share a common bond. Both are East Coast rappers with big name associations.

Method Man belongs to Wu-Tang Clan, and his homie Redman is with the group Def Squad. Though they joined forces in 1994, it took five years to see the duo debut with their album Blackout!, and it was another 10-year wait for its successor Blackout 2!. In the years in between, they starred in the stoner movie How High and launched their own Fox sitcom. Suffice it to say, there’s method to the redness.

With DJ Bentley and DJ Luva Luva. The Depot, 400 W. South Temple, 8 p.m., $45-$50, DepotSLC.com On the other hand, Bone Thugs-n-Harmony’s internal disharmony caused several ups and downs. Yet they’re still leaders among today’s rap pack. Bizzy Bone, Wish Bone, Layzie Bone, Krayzie Bone and Flesh-N-Bone share a pseudonymous surname, but no, they’re not related. However, they might as well be for all their breakups and makeups over the course of the past 25 years. A dozen albums on, they boast two Grammys, two American Music Awards and four MTV Video Music Awards, and there’s enough harmony among them to tour. (LZ) Park City Live, 427 Main, Park City, 9 p.m., $25-$50, 21+, ParkCityLive.net

PROPER WAY 11.23 STONEFED 11.25 STONEFED OPEN BLUES JAM HOSTED BY 11.26 ROBBY’S BLUES EXPLOSION

MATT CALDER PIXIE & THE PARTYGRASS BOYS WILL BAXTER BAND

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NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 181

11.17 11.18 11.19 11.21

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SPIRITS • FOOD • GOOD COMPANY

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182 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

CITY WEEKLY’S HOT LIST FOR THE WEEK

CONCERTS & CLUBS

COMPLETE LISTINGS ONLINE @ CITYWEEKLY.NET Brumby + Spirit City + Grizzly Goat + Robert Loud (Velour Live Music Gallery) Dirty South + DJ Dizz + B2B + TeeJay + Droid (The Depot) Cuca (Infinity Event Center) see p. 176 Kid Brother + Speed The Pilgrim + RJ Diggins + Cory Castillo (Why Sound) Heathen Ass Worship + Zombiecock + SCROmance (Metro Music Hall) see p. 178 Los Hellcaminos (The Spur Bar & Grill) Mullet Hatchet (Brewskies) Pillars of Salt Zine (Diabolical Records)

The Posies Secret Pop-Up Show (venue TBA) see p. 173 Pup + Meat Wave + Chastity (Kilby Court) Sea Elephant + Crooked Feathers + Uncle Muzz (Muse Music Cafe) Skinny Lister + Trapper Schoepp + Lincoln Durham (The State Room) see p. 178 SoMo + Stanaj (In The Venue)

RANDY'S RECORD SHOP VINYL RECORDS NEW & USED

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DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE DJ Latu (The Green Pig) DJ Scooter (Downstairs)

KARAOKE

Karaoke (Willie’s Lounge)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE

SUNDAY 11.20

Open Mic (The Royal)

KARAOKE

KARAOKE

Karaoke w/ DJ Benji (A Bar Named Sue on State) Karaoke (The Tavernacle) Superstar Karaoke w/ DJ Ducky (Club Jam)

Karaoke w/ DJ Thom (A Bar Named Sue on State) Karaoke That Doesn’t Suck (Twist) Karaoke w/ Spotlight Entertainment (Keys on Main) Karaoke (The Tavernacle)

MONDAY 11.21

WEDNESDAY 11.23

LIVE MUSIC

Fleshgod Apocalypse + Arkona + The Agonist (Metro Music Hall) Muzzle Tung (Diabolical Records)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE Monday Night Blues Jam (The Royal) Open Blues Jam (The Green Pig)

KARAOKE

Bingo Karaoke (The Tavernacle)

TUESDAY 11.22 TUE – FRI 11AM TO 7PM • SAT 10AM TO 6PM • CLOSED SUN & MON LIKE US ON OR VISIT WWW.RANDYSRECORDS.COM • 801.532.4413

(In the Venue) The Marcus King Band + Grenadillo (The State Room) Tombs + Wolvhammer (Metro Music Hall) Trans-Siberian Orchestra (Vivint Smart Home Arena)

LIVE MUSIC

Bruce Springsteen Tribute (The State Room) see p. 176 Dark Tranquillity + Swallow + The Sun + Enforcer + Starkill Slams (In The Venue) Marc E. Bassy + Bobby Brackins (Kilby Court) Metal Gods (Liquid Joe’s) Royal Bliss + American Hitmen + Wayne Hoskins Band + Badfeather (The Depot)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE

LIVE MUSIC

Open Mic (Muse Music)

Gogol Bordello + One Less Zero

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MONDAY:

DJ Sneeky Long

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WEDNESDAY:

The art of ORIGINAL HOOLIGAN followed by Karaoke That Doesn’t Suck!

Thanksgiving Eve Party with John Draper and VJ Birdman

Thursday, Nov 26th: Turkey dinner with all the good stuff !

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© 2016

ME MA

BY DAVID LEVINSON WILK

ACROSS

Last week’s answers

| CITY WEEKLY | NOVEMBER 17, 2016 | 185

No math is involved. The grid has numbers, but nothing has to add up to anything else. Solve the puzzle with reasoning and logic. Solving time is typically 10 to 30 minutes, depending on your skill and experience.

Complete the grid so that each row, column, diagonal and 3x3 square contain all of the numbers 1 to 9.

| MUSIC | CINEMA | DINING | A&E | NEWS |

1. Hip-hop's Kendrick ____ 2. Last Oldsmobile model 3. Bolt who won three gold medals at the 2016 Summer Olympics 4. Half a colon 5. Captain Marvel's transformation word 6. Stretch, perhaps 7. Paul in the Songwriters Hall of Fame 8. Ball holder 9. FDR's successor

51. Cook, as dim sum 52. Shy 53. Alternative if things don't work out 54. Zales inventory 55. Short race, informally 56. Hanna-Barbera bear 59. Audiophile's collection 60. Eliminated 61. Certain hosp. exam

SUDOKU

DOWN

10. Iggy who used the pet name/street name system to come up with her rap name 11. Doesn't need to see a doctor 12. Memo opener 13. Windfall 18. Wear a long face 22. Fudd of cartoondom 25. Kingdom on old Asian maps 26. "Cómo ____ usted?"

27. Soft shoe, for short 28. "____ where it hurts!"

29. Thought 30. Right hand: Abbr.

31. Mosque leader 32. Campbell of "House of Cards" 33. Like some skiing and swimming 37. Cornball 38. On vacation 39. Silent screen star Naldi 40. Leb. neighbor 45. Sales lure 46. Gotten up 47. Void 48. Go ____ some length

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

1. Praise 5. Wide strip 10. Type of heart arrhythmia, for short 14. "On top of that ..."

15. Brief name?

16. Greek philosopher of paradox fame 17. Butcher shop 19. Prefix with dynamic 20. Name that's Hebrew for "lion" 21. L. Frank Baum princess 22. First name in talk shows 23. Wood of the Rolling Stones 24. Six-time NBA All-Star ____ Gasol 25. Three-time French Open winner Monica 27. Nickname of Elvis Presley's entourage 31. Skinny 34. "It must've been something ____" 35. They're checked at the door 36. World War II servicemen and women denied veteran status until 1988 41. "____ Maria" 42. Painful boo-boo 43. Airplane ticket info 44. Former reality show on Animal Planet that followed the Whiskers family 49. "I'm off!"

50. Harmless cyst 51. Pep Boys product 54. Managed 56. Class at a Y 57. Shop ____ you drop 58. Irish New Age singer 59. Cry of pride before "No hands!" (or a directive regarding 17-, 27-, 36- and 44-Across) 62. Tuna ____ 63. Sound of the Northwest 64. It may come in sheets 65. ____-Ball (arcade game) 66. "Goosebumps" author R. L. 67. Website for film buffs

INSIDE / COMMUNITY BEAT PG. 186 INK PG. 188 FREE WILL ASTROLOGY PG. 189 UTAH JOB CENTER PG. 190 URBAN LIVING PG. 191 POETS CORNER PG. 191

FIND YOUR NEXT DREAM HOME WITH

186 | NOVEMBER 17, 2016

Family Support

Infertility affects 1 in 8 couples, so even if you aren’t dealing with it personally, chances are it’s affecting someone you know. For those who don’t know where to turn, the Utah Infertility Resource Center (UIRC) is here to help. A nonprofit organization, the UIRC is designed to help those struggling with building their family and connecting them to the resources they need.

Camille Hawkins, a licensed clinical social worker and UIRC founder, got the idea for the organization after starting a support group out of her home and an online support group on Facebook. Hawkins recognized the social, mental and emotional impact that infertility has on those who are affected, and wanted to do everything she could to alleviate that burden. One evening in September 2015, she asked a number of her group members what they thought about an organization that would provide education, resources and emotional support for those facing infertility. The group incorporated the next day and soon received 501(c)(3) status from the IRS. “There’s nothing more rewarding than knowing you have truly helped a family when they are lost, broken down and wanting more than anything to be parents,” Hawkins says. “We are really helping individuals and couples get the emotional support and education they need to move forward on their family-building journeys.”

UIRC has six part-time staffers helping those who deal with infertility in Utah.

“I’ve never been in a work environment like it,” says Brooke Walrath, director of education for UIRC. “It’s unbelievable what we’ve been able to do together.”

Walrath says that when she first started dealing with infertility in 2012, she didn’t know where to go. Within a few years, she’d found support groups on Facebook and started learning about treatments, M’RECIA SEEGMILLER

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Bed: 2 Bath: 1 Sq. ft: 744 2830 S Patricia Dr, Magna, UT 84044

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M’RECIA SEEGMILLER

#CWCOMMUNITY

send leads to

Camille Hawkins, founder of Utah Infertility Resource Center

doctors, clinics and resources, but it took a lot of time and effort to find what she needed. “At our first meeting, we went around the table and said why we wanted to start UIRC,” Walrath explains. “And we all said something about wanting to help others with infertility feel like they weren’t alone.”

The UIRC offers support groups, counseling services with a sliding fee scale based on ability to pay, and educational resources. The group also just wrapped up its first annual Infertility Conference with classes and talks from infertility specialists. The event was cosponsored by local infertility clinics, which also provide general funding to the organization, as well as adoption organizations.

Even if a person doesn’t face infertility personally, Walrath believes it’s still important to be aware of the issues. “It’s insanely common,” she says. “It’s isolating, frightening and disconcerting to watch your dreams of parenthood move further into your future, or disappear completely.”

Walrath says to remember that when you’re tempted to ask about a couple’s plans for children. And if they do open up to you about a struggle with infertility, don’t jump straight to offering solutions. “Adoption isn’t an easy route, and treatment is expensive,” Walrath says. “Just listen, be kind, and let them direct the conversation.” n

Utah Infertility Resource Center 1565 E. 3300 South 385-313-0990 UtahInfertilityResourceCenter.org

M’RECIA SEEGMILLER

@mr_red_cap

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SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) “We all have ghosts inside us, and it’s better when they speak than when they don’t,” wrote author Siri Hustvedt. The good news, Sagittarius, is that in recent weeks your personal ghosts have been discoursing at length. They have offered their interpretation of your life’s central mysteries and have provided twists on old stories you thought you had all figured out. The bad news is that they don’t seem to want to shut up. Also, less than 25 percent of what they have been asserting is actually true or useful. But here’s the fantastic news: Those ghosts have delivered everything you need to know for now, and will obey if you tell them to take an extended vacation.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) “Aren’t there parts of ourselves that are just better left unfed?” asked Piscean author David Foster Wallace. I propose that we make that one of your two keynotes during the next four weeks.

Here’s a second keynote: As you become more and more skilled at not fueling the parts of yourself that are better left unfed, you will have a growing knack for identifying the parts of yourself that should be well-fed. Feed them with care and artistry!

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) Seventeenth-century British people used the now-obsolete word “firktytoodle.” It meant “cuddling and snuggling accompanied by leisurely experiments in smooching, fondling, licking and sweet dirty talk.” The coming weeks will be prime time for you to carry out extensive experiments in this activity. But here’s an interesting question: Will the near future also be a favorable phase for record levels of orgasmic release? The answer: maybe, but if and only if you pursue firkytoodle as an end in itself; if and only if you relish the teasing and playing as if they were ultimate rewards, and don’t relegate them to being merely preliminary acts for pleasures that are supposedly bigger and better. P.S. These same principles apply not just to your intimate connections, but to everything else in your life, as well. Enjoying the journey is as important as reaching a destination.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) Here’s an experiment worth trying: Reach back into the past to find a remedy for what’s bugging you now. In other words, seek out on an old, perhaps even partially forgotten influence to resolve a current dilemma that has resisted your efforts to master it. This is one time when it may make good sense to temporarily resurrect a lost dream.

You could energize your future by drawing inspiration from possibilities that might have been but never were.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) By the time he died at the age of 87 in 1983, free thinker Buckminster Fuller had licensed his inventions to more than 100 companies. But along the way, he often had to be patient as he waited for the world to be ready for his visionary creations. He was ahead of his time, dreaming up things that would be needed before anyone knew they’d be needed. I encourage you to be like him in the coming weeks, Libra. Try to anticipate the future.

Generate possibilities that people are not yet ripe to accept, but will eventually be ready to embrace.

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ARIES (March 21-April 19) There is a 97 percent chance that you will not engage in the following activities within the next 30 days: naked skydiving, tight-rope walking between two skyscrapers, getting drunk on a mountaintop, taking ayahuasca with Peruvian shamans in a remote rural hut or dancing ecstatically in a muddy pit of snakes.

However, I suspect that you will be involved in almost equally exotic exploits—although less risky ones—that will require you to summon more pluck and improvisational skill than you knew you had.

CANCER (June 21-July 22) Kavachi is an underwater volcano in the southwest Pacific Ocean. It erupts periodically, and in general makes the surrounding water so hot and acidic that human divers must avoid it. And yet some hardy species live there, including crabs, jellyfish, stingrays and sharks.

What adaptations and strategies enable them to thrive in such an extreme environment? Scientists don’t know. I’m going to draw a comparison between you and the resourceful creatures living near Kavachi. In the coming weeks, I bet you’ll flourish in circumstances that normal people might find daunting.

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AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Some spiders are both construction workers and artists. The webs they spin are not just strong and functional, but also feature decorative elements called “stabilimenta.” These may be as simple as zigzags or as complex as spiral whorls. Biologists say the stabilimenta draw prey to specific locations, help the spider hide, and render the overall stability of the web more robust. As you enter the webbuilding phase of your cycle, Aquarius, I suggest that you include your own version of attractive stabilimenta. Your purpose, of course, is not to catch prey, but to bolster your network and invigorate your support system. Be artful as well as practical. (Thanks to Mother Nature Network’s Jaymi Heimbuch for info on stabilimenta.)

GEMINI (May 21-June 20) I hesitate to deliver the contents of this horoscope without a disclaimer. Unless you are an extremely ethical person with a vivid streak of empathy, you might be prone to abuse the information I’m about to present. So please ignore it unless you can responsibly employ the concepts of benevolent mischief and tricky blessings and cathartic shenanigans. Ready? Here’s your oracle: Now is a favorable time for grayer truths, wilder leaps of the imagination, more useful bullshit, funnier enigmas, and more outlandish stories seasoned with crazy wisdom.

WALK-INS ALWAYS WELCOME

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CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) In the film Bruce Almighty, Morgan Freeman plays the role of God, and Capricorn actor Jim Carrey is a frustrated reporter named Bruce Nolan. After Nolan bemoans his rocky fate and blames it on God’s ineptitude, the Supreme Being reaches out by phone. (His number is 716-776-2323.) A series of conversations and negotiations ensues, leading Nolan on rollercoaster adventures that ultimately result in a mostly happy ending. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you Capricorns will have an unusually high chance of making fruitful contact with a Higher Power or Illuminating Source in the coming weeks. I doubt that 716-776-2323 is the right contact information. But if you trust your intuition, I bet you’ll make the connection.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20) The Onion, my favorite news source, reported that “It’s perfectly natural for people to fantasize about sandwiches other than the one currently in their hands.” You shouldn’t feel shame, the article said, if you’re enjoying a hoagie but suddenly feel an inexplicable yearning for a BLT or pastrami on rye. While I appreciate this reassuring counsel, I don’t think it applies to you in the coming weeks. In my opinion, you have a sacred duty to be unwaveringly faithful, both in your imagination and your actual behavior—as much for your own sake as for others’. I advise you to cultivate an up-to-date affection for and commitment to what you actually have, and not indulge in obsessive fantasies about “what ifs.”

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Go to RealAstrology.com for Rob Brezsny’s expanded weekly audio horoscopes and daily text-message horoscopes.

Audio horoscopes also available by phone at 877-873-4888 or 900-950-7700.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) Does the word “revolution” have any useful meaning? Or has it been invoked by so many fanatics with such melodramatic agendas that it has lost its value? In accordance with your astrological omens, I suggest we give it another chance. I think it deserves a cozy spot in your life during the next few months. As for what exactly that entails, let’s call on author Rebecca Solnit for inspiration. She says, “I still think the [real] revolution is to make the world safe for poetry, meandering, for the frail and vulnerable, the rare and obscure, the impractical and local and small.”

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Poets Corner

LOVE

Wishes on a dandelion, Fleeting, like fresh snow Sparkles in the sunlight with a million rays of hope Delicate and treasured forever gifted mine Brilliance that was yesterday More dazzling with time Every all that I can give 10. If I’m given you Will shine you brighter Than the sun And I’ll know I’ve loved you.

Kenneth Corbet Send your poem (max 15 lines), to: Poet’s Corner, City Weekly, 248 South Main Street, SLC, UT 84101 or e-mail to poetscorner@cityweekly.net.

Published entrants receive a $15 value gift from CW. Each entry must include name and mailing address.

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The Worst of Best

I love the annual Best of issue, don’t you?

Imagine having a Best and Worst issue.

In my business of real estate, there are so many good and bad stories. You might know the good ones—getting people their dream homes, helping first-time buyers purchase their very first home, assisting the elderly in downsizing to smaller homes. But there are plenty of bad things, and these three are the worst I’ve witnessed in real estate this past year: A loan officer who really screwed up a first-time buyer’s mortgage by not “locking in” their interest rate and almost lost the home they had under contract. Once you make an offer on a home and get a signed contract with a seller, the lender can then guarantee in writing an interest rate that they will give you at the closing of escrow. Interest rates fluctuate daily, and at this particular time, rates were hovering around 3 percent. The buyer thought she was getting the 3 percent but discovered about six weeks later when she was ready to sign her closing papers that the lender had not locked her rate. Sadly, the loan officer had been having her varicose veins lasered for those six weeks and her job and clients weren’t a priority. The lender was fired and the big bank didn’t even throw in a dollar to compensate the buyer. She had to resign loan documents, and by then, rates had gone up to almost 3.5 percent. Unfortunately, switching banks would have not made a difference because all rates were that high at that later date, and she almost lost her dream home.

Hoarder houses. Oy vey. I am often called to sell estates of folks that have gone into senior living or have passed because, well, I’m old and my friend’s parents are really old and their grandparents are really, really old, dying or dead. Past generations have gone through hell, and surviving economic depressions has been common with our elders. I’ve seen that hoarding is an outcome of fear, and hoarder homes inside—owned by absolutely “normal looking” people on the outside—have always astounded me.

A seller’s market continues. That means more and more people need housing, yet inventory in houses, condos and even rental units is at a low. It’s as if you were trying to buy an air-conditioner in the middle of July and 90 percent of the stores are closed, or waiting in line for the new fruitPhone 8 to come out. n Content is prepared expressly for Community and is not endorsed by City Weekly staff.

Babs De Lay

Broker/Owner 801-201-8824 babs@urbanutah.com www.urbanutah.com

Selling homes for 32 years in the Land of Zion

Julie “Bella” Hall

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