City Weekly February 16, 2017

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Seagull Story Why a bug-eating trash bird makes Utah proud.

By Ryan Cunningham

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COVER STORY BEHOLD, A SEAGULL STORY!

2 | FEBRUARY 16, 2017

Why a bug-eating garbage bird makes Utah so gosh darn proud.

Explore Salt Lake

Cover photo by Renelux

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Meet the locals Discover the neighboorhoods LGBT Scene in SLC Arts | Shopping | Recreation Nightlife | Food

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CONTRIBUTOR

4 LETTERS 6 OPINION 8 NEWS 19 A&E 23 DINE 29 CINEMA 31 TRUE TV 32 MUSIC 44 COMMUNITY

JOHN SALTAS, Publisher

He doesn’t chase the spotlight (in fact, we might get in trouble for doing this), but this week’s hat tip goes to the big kahuna and his newly installed bionic shoulder. When not raiding the editorial snack basket, he can be found LEADING THIS DAMN OPERATION. We could say you’re the glue that holds us all together, John, but you’re more like the rotator cuff to our capsular ligament.

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SOAP BOX

COMMENTS@CITYWEEKLY.NET @SLCWEEKLY

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Cover story, Feb. 2, “Mayhem in Moab”

Officer Risenhoover is of exemplary character. The allegation of threats to attorney Morgan are purely hearsay with no proof!

This is very irresponsible reporting.

and millions of other citizens disputing our broken tax system—which are civil matters and not criminal.

Anyone questioning Steve’s honesty does not know him at all; anyone that has spent any time with him knows that he will always tell the truth, even if to do so hurts him. As to others, not wanting to work with him is a ridiculous statement. Those who have worked with him know that they can depend on Steve to always work harder than anyone else on the job and be there when needed.

I know there is so much turmoil in our little town right now and so many angry people and different opinions, but I would hope everyone would look at the good a person does for the community and save their judgments until investigations are complete and stop throwing things out there to tear others apart.

Via cityweekly.net

Via cityweekly.net

This story is spot on and the cops involved should be ashamed of themselves. That is why they are not patrolling our streets any longer. Have any of you noticed that a few quit all of a sudden? Maybe these jack holes should have done the same. Instead, they waved it around in the air for the whole town to see. You can’t party and be a cop in a small town. Especially with underage teenagers. I’ve seen the photos of the officers so, yes, it’s true, and, if I could, I’d post them here for all to see but I don’t feel like getting sued today. Now, if you know me personally, that’s a different story.

News, Feb. 2, “Shots Fired”

“Soup or Troopers” would have been a better header … just laying it out there.

@VIRGILGLASS Via Twitter Nice galley!

@LORENASARRIAOFFICIAL Via Instagram It’s sad that our locals are being depicted as a bunch of drunken white trash hillbillies.

TIFFANI ALLRED Via Facebook

MONT RAY

SHERRI CLOUGHLEY Via Facebook

The only thing I ask of you, City Weekly, is that you continue to bring to light the corruption and correlation throughout the entire system. From the police to the city officials, judges, lawyers, DCFS and DA office. They are all in each other’s pockets.

BO ZUFELT

That’s a whole lotta angry white folks.

NATE MORSE Via Facebook

Don’t pull a muscle patting yourself on the back, Jason.

GWEN SETOVOHOHANE’E SPOTTED ELK Via Facebook

If spousal abuse had a PR guy, it would resemble this clown.

JASON BRENTNER Via Facebook

Get ready for the town halls. Remember the Tea Party and what their town halls looked like? No pancake breakfasts for this dink.

CJ STARKEY Via Facebook

So Abdi Mohamed says they could have used other results, instead of shooting a 17-year-old kid with a broomstick … Or, he could have quit beating the guy, dropped the club and put up his hands. Had he done that, he could have been right back down there the next night [committing more crimes]. Is there a point where this punk takes any responsibility for his own actions?

At least let him talk. He may be a douche, but at least he was willing to show up knowing it was a firing squad he was gonna face.

Salt Lake City

“I’m going to just talk in circles because deep down I really don’t respect any of you and think you’re all stupid. Now where are my misleading charts and graphs that show I know what I’m talking about?”

—Bully Chaffetz

JIM PEDLER,

How about trying the Taser next time?

CHASE BOTWIN Via Facebook

News, Feb. 2, “Some Pig”

TYLER CLARK Via Facebook

If this was 1776, he would be tarred and feathered by this unruly mob.

MIKE ROGERS

MICHAEL CHRISTENSEN Via Facebook

Via Facebook

Via Facebook

Via Facebook

That’s what I said. They better keep digging. They have not even reached the good stuff. :(

Did they get the pig from Lance Armstrong?

These are the people you represent. Stop telling them to calm down.

Via Facebook

Via Facebook

Facebook Live coverage, Feb. 9, Congressman Jason Chaffetz town hall

Obliterate his ego. He works for you. Let your voices be heard.

DEBBIE JOHNSON

#ThankYouUtah—you’re a beautiful state with wonderful people—you can do better than Jason!

REINA LYNN Via Facebook

I do not know all the officers in this article and do not know all the facts of these cases, but I do know Steve Risenhoover and know of his character. For the last 20 years, he has served the people of this community in so many ways, from his volunteering with the fire department to being the first to show up to help a neighbor in need. He has quietly donated time and money for so many people of this community that fell on hard times. The issue of owing taxes to the IRS puts him in a very large group of American citizens, including 50 percent of IRS employees that do not pay their income taxes and a boatload of politicians

RAMEN EGGLAND

CORI LATIMER

This is the best thing I’ve watched since Election Day. The people have spoken!

Via Facebook You got the cameras now, Jason!

DAMON DRAHEIM Via Facebook

“Hold on, hold on, hold on ...”

JULIE ROBERTSON

MIKEY CLARK

JUSTAN ALMA PETERSON Via Facebook

@COLBERTOCAT Via Twitter

All we need are some pitchforks! This is very entertaining to watch!

This “man” doesn’t care about you or Utah.

He wants to be president. Look it up. The URL for Chaffetz for President is already sold.

Via Facebook

Via Twitter

DREW HOWELLS

BONNIE MADDUX KUNZ Via Facebook

Thanks for the great reporting of the town hall. Gratified there were so many willing to challenge Chaffetz.

@MELISSAJPELTIER Via Twitter

Via Facebook

“This little piggy went to market—the underground black market of livestock doping.”

ASHLYE DAVIS

The high school students in the front row looked bored and could give up their seats for people outside.

GINA BREGLIO

Agitprop(s)

It’s a shame that the main thing Rep. Chaffetz took away from his most recent town hall meeting was that “paid agitators” were responsible for his frosty reception. If he spent more time with his constituents in the Salt Lake Valley, maybe he would recognize them. The 1,000-plus constituents in the auditorium and the more than 1,500 outside and even more who left because they couldn’t get in, certainly didn’t appear to me as “paid agitators.”

His premise that anyone who disagrees with him must be a “paid agitator” and is not one of his constituents, is apparently just an excuse to avoid listening to the very real concerns expressed. Rep. Chaffetz heard concerns his constituents expressed about defunding Planned Parenthood, usurping public lands in Utah, destroying families through forced deportations of mothers, lack of oversight on our current administration, etc. In each case, he listened and then proceeded to lecture his constituents as to why their concerns were incorrect—never providing any real possibility of addressing any of his constituents concerns.

His constituents in Salt Lake Valley would like to see Rep. Chaffetz more often.

I don’t think Rep. Chaffetz gets the same level of reality when information is filtered through his office help.

ROBERT JACOBS,

Cottonwood Heights

STAFF Publisher JOHN SALTAS

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STAFF BOX

OPINION

Economics You Need to Know About

I am sick and tired of reading the same rehashing about you know who. So, from here on in, at least to the end of this column, there will be no politics. Instead, this will be a practical column about where the economy might be going according to the people best qualified to know. I will share thoughts and predictions about how your paycheck will shrink in the next few years and how rich you are not going to be now that America is on its way to being great again for the very, very rich. This will be confirmation for all you apoplectic left wingers, as well as of some value to the conservatives who read this—all six of you.

Let’s start with the growth of gross domestic product, which averaged around 2 percent over each of the eight Obama years, up from zero average growth during the previous four. According to The Oracle of Omaha Warren Buffett and the National Association for Business Economics, GDP is expected to grow around 2-2.5 percent per year for the next eight years, regardless of who is president. So, anyone who has run, or will run in four years, promising better than 3.5 percent is considered to be flat-out full of crap. NABE is the smartest in America. Buffett is the guy who has given away more than $25 billion to philanthropies and has grown what is left to almost another $75 billion. He knows enough about money matters to project well in good times and bad.

Currently, the GOP Congress is dismantling Dodd-Frank regulations that were passed to guard against another banking meltdown and a repeat Bush recession.

Congressional mischief will not improve economic growth. But it will make it much easier for those in the top 1 percent to get richer, as they again will be free to become

Readers can comment at cityweekly.net

B Y S TA N R O S E N Z W E I G

too big to fail and require tax-dollar bailouts. They will prosper, as will the elected officials they pay. No swamp-draining here.

Your own prosperity is different. The reasons your personal economic growth will not improve are easy to understand. According to various reports by The Wall Street Journal and The Financial Times, and Warren Buffett, America is now edging close to statistical full employment. That doesn’t mean that many folks who were left behind due to being replaced by high-productivity automation won’t still be out of work. It means that most qualified workers will continue to have jobs.

So, if Washington finally decides to go ahead and start rebuilding America’s crumbling infrastructure, it will have to pay more to get skilled workers to quit those jobs. Then, competition for workers being what it is, American industry will have to pay more to keep the skilled workers they have.

(Humorous side note: Since most who are skilled might be working on rebuilding American infrastructure, or working in American industry, it may become necessary to provide green cards and hire Mexicans to build the border wall.)

In any event, even without raising the minimum wage, stiff competition for labor could result in higher wages and you could end up making, say, another $10 an hour.

That’s the good news.

But wait. If American companies have to pay more to produce stuff and there is that looming import tariff trade war between America and foreign countries that make most of what you buy—clothes, furniture, fresh fruit, etc.—your cost of living could shoot up beyond income. We call this inflation.

During the Carter administration, inflation was so bad at one point that the dollar you saved for retirement on Jan. 1 was only worth around 87 cents by Christmas.

So in the next few years, if infrastructure plans are implemented and if we stop getting good deals from China and Mexico, you could be paying $7 for avocados and

AMERICA IS NOW EDGING CLOSE TO STATISTICAL FULL EMPLOYMENT.

Funerals weddings make someone ’ s day

Birthdays

Art Floral

The

$2,400 for iPhones. As for your next Ford 150, $75,000 is not out of the question.

Further, if America starts tariffing imports, China, Mexico and many other trading partners might stop buying the tons of things we now export. The International Trade Administration of the U.S. Department of Commerce reports that exports result in 11.5 million jobs for Americans. So, if we push China, Mexico, Europe and other countries, we will face layoffs and rising unemployment. We will still be stuck with those inflation-devalued dollars, making some of us, in effect, earning more, but poorer. Isn’t economics fun?

James Mackintosh, columnist for The Wall Street Journal, recently pointed out that opining on what’s likely to happen is different from how we learn what’s really happening. He favors looking at how investments are priced in “the market.”

He determined that the yield curve of the U.S. Treasury market “tells a story of Trumpflation.” Mackintosh has compared investments with 10-year yields to 30-year yields, under the headline “The Markets Don’t Believe in Trump for the Long Term,” referring to people on Wall Street with big money in the game. I won’t go into the details (too much math), but the new economic strategy is weak enough to be concerning to the smartest money guys.

Don’t mistake this as stock-market predictions, nor investment advice. There are so many variables in that discipline that I’d be stupid to make global predictions and you would be stupid to follow them.

That said, there is a growing consensus among the best economists and financial professionals that, even if we are not in for some tough sledding in the American economy these next few years, there are enough signs that those who voted with an eye toward making America great again through economic growth should brace themselves for significant disappointment. CW

801-363-0565 580 E 300 S SLC theartfloral.com

What’s the soundest financial decision you’ve ever made?

Pete Saltas: I leave a small deposit in Wendover every so often. I just know that at some point in my life I’ll finally be able to withdraw all of them.

Jackie Briggs:

Spending money on vacations. God, they’re worth it EVERY, SINGLE, TIME. Well, maybe, except Wendover—that’s like 70/30.

Alissa Dimick: I took out a hefty loan to do IVF (in-vitro fertilization). It resulted in our amazing son, and the love for my husband to grow beyond anything I could ever imagine.

Tyeson Rogers: Paying my bills every month. As long as my babies have a house, nice clothes, good school, TV internet and love, I’ll never be broke Doug Kruithof: I invested in four domains for yer new favorite fantasy music game: “Life or Death Music Matters.” Dot com, .net, .org and .rocks.

Lisa Dorelli: Leaving my ex. Oh, and also that one time I put it all on black.

Enrique Limón: Since my dream trip to New York got canceled after JFK got snowed-in—and having to deal with the nightmare that was rebooking everything—I’d say, forking over the extra $37 for travel insurance the second time around.

Randy Harward: In junior high, I used to make $4-$6 profit on $2 copies of Circus, Hit Parader, Creem and Star Hits by selling the full-page pin-ups and foldout posters. That was the last good financial decision I ever made.

Sierra Sessions: If it’s too risqué to print “boob job,” just say something about how I own my dream couch thanks to unsecured credit card loans.

Send feedback to comments@cityweekly.net

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RANDOM QUESTIONS, SURPRISING ANSWERS

RACHEL TIBOLLA

FIVE SPOT

Addison Odom’s first career as a photographer-writer morphed into teaching high school visual arts in Memphis, Tenn., and now she helps save the world here in Utah through wilderness therapy after a brief stint as an organic farmer.

What began your transformation from artist to educator?

I had grown up on what had been my grandparent’s farm in Illinois, although, by that time, my dad had moved into construction. In addition to photography, I’ve published short stories and poems in literary magazines. Today, I am writing a mystery novel. I moved to Memphis and, due to a grant, I was offered an inner-city school visual arts teaching position. I had 435 students, textbooks that dated back to the 1950s and no teaching experience. It was occasionally terrifying, but I did it for seven years and found it gratifying to show them things they had never seen before, especially when we took hikes into the woods in small groups.

But then you moved on?

Yes. I got my MS in teaching, packed up the truck and moved to southern Oregon where I took an outdoor job farming. Have you ever heard of WOOF-ing? It’s World Wide Organic Farming. Mushroom farming is really hard work, but it is so rewarding. I didn’t say I have a green thumb, but I just enjoy it. Teaching is what I am really good at. It’s demanding and takes a lot of skill.

What caused you to move to Utah?

I took three months off for a series of conservation trips up and down the West Coast, living out of my car, then headed back East where a friend told me about a wilderness therapy organization in Utah that might be able to use me. I did the tryout and got hired three years ago as a field guide for hiking, biking and climbing. It felt great doing therapy work outdoors with kids and seeing real change happen to them in a short time. Since then, I moved up to become academic coordinator. I enjoy it.

Any thoughts for the future?

I would love to design a qualitative and quantitative assessment for classrooms. I’ve had two job offers, but Utah pays teachers with a master of science degree less than Memphis paid with a bachelor’s. Former teachers have told me that they make more working at Kohl’s than in the classroom.

What do you do when not working?

I’ve transformed my truck into real living space and travel as much as possible with my partner, Rachelle, and dog Margo. We’re thinking about converting our Sugar House garage and backyard into a community urban dining space. The idea is in its infancy.

—STAN ROSENZWEIG comments@cityweekly.net

What does it take to get charged with manslaughter when your negligent driving kills someone? Last year, the driver of a semi entered a bike lane and killed a Chicago bicyclist. He was issued tickets for driving in a bike lane and failure to take due care with a bicyclist. Why mere tickets instead of a more serious charge?

—Alan G. Thomas

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Since negligence is tough to demonstrate to a jury, prosecution becomes way likelier when the driver’s behavior is notably egregious. A DUI is the gold standard here, but a hit-and-run incident also helps a struck cyclist’s chances at obtaining a guilty verdict. Hit a biker while committing some obvious traffic infraction, like running a red light, or violating a new distracted-driving law, and a prosecutor’s likely to come after you. So for many cycling-safety advocates, the idea is to make more laws, bike-specific or not, and so create more ways to establish that a driver was negligent.

There have always been some laws looking out for non-drivers in the roadway. Due care statutes protected even the least attentive farmer’s wagon from being sideswiped by a shiny new Essex or Packard on an unlit country lane. And drivers have long been required to maintain a “safe distance” when passing bicyclists, but just try and make a case in court based on that vague standard.

More recent state laws have set a minimum passing distance of 3 feet, though this functions mainly as a deterrent—it’d take an eagle-eyed officer indeed to notice if you’d given a biker only 2 feet and 11 inches. In 2007, Oregon passed a “vulnerable user” law, modeled after a Dutch regulation, and eight states have followed suit. These laws increase penalties when a driver strikes anyone who’s not in a car—pedestrians, cyclists, skateboarders, et al.—typically setting a minimum fine at around $1,000.

But norms govern our everyday behavior far more than laws do—it’s hardly the fear of being locked away that keeps most of us from becoming cat burglars or hit men. Legislation alone won’t deter drivers from driving aggressively around bikes, or even guarantee enforcement, much less prosecution—a common complaint among cycling activists is that the legal system, from cops and DAs to judges and juries, identifies too readily with drivers. Advocates thus try to gently nudge the debate in their direction, using the term “bike crash” rather than “bike accident” to imply the cause is driver error rather than mere chance. Meanwhile, recent research suggests that the biggest boost to bike safety might simply be more bike use: A 2014 Colorado study found that per-rider crash rates were lower at intersections with heavier bike traffic. The more often drivers have to share the road, seemingly, the better they get at not running everyone else off it. n

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Accidents happen, and when they do, the person enclosed in a big metal box has a pretty clear advantage over anyone walking around or rolling by on non-motorized wheels. Our laws mostly acknowledge this imbalance—drivers are supposed to be extra careful not to run anyone down but we’re still reluctant to criminalize autoinflicted deaths. As with most criminal matters, prosecutors have the discretion to choose how to proceed, and they’re not only constrained by the laws on the books but discouraged by their odds in the courtroom.

With bicyclists on the streets in ever greater numbers—as of 2012, bike commuting was up by 60 percent over the decade prior—incidents like the one you cite (involving the 20-year-old rider Lisa Kuivinen) have predictably become more common.

There are now more than 700 bicycle deaths in the U.S. annually and upward of 40,000 injuries, nearly a third of which involve cars—more than any other single factor. The stats for what happens to the party at fault after these collisions are trickier to track.

One look at the D.C. region found that less than half of at-fault drivers were prosecuted.

In New York City, which sees 10-20 cycling deaths each year, motor vehicles caused more than 14,000 pedestrian and cyclist injuries in 2012, but only 101 citations were issued for careless driving. Surely reckless bike behavior was a factor in some cases, but by any estimate, prosecution rates are certainly low, requiring the injured (or the family of the deceased) to bring private criminal complaints or pursue civil suits.

And that’s baked into the system. As a society—one that drives too much, many would argue—we’ve made choices about allocating the risk that ensues when people get behind the wheel. Our traffic laws are basically designed on the assumption that collisions occur even when drivers exercise a reasonable amount of care. Unless one driver clearly hasn’t done this, the state generally opts not to pursue a criminal conviction, leaving the parties to duke it out in court themselves. And gauging negligence—legally, the failure to take reasonable care—is a slippery matter. Just as driving laws vary by state, so too do definitions of negligence (thanks a bunch, federalism). This isn’t a law school torts lecture, though, so let’s just say there are differing degrees of it, and at the tippy top is criminal negligence, what you’d have to show to support a charge of vehicular homicide.

BY CECIL ADAMS SLUG SIGNORINO

STRAIGHT DOPE Criminal Crash

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THE

CITIZEN REVOLT

OCHO

In a week, you can

CHANGE THE WORLD

THE LIST OF EIGHT

BY BILL FROST

GENERAL STRIKE

@Bill _ Frost

OK, this is getting serious. Anti-Trump activists are calling for a General Strike.

You know the drill—buy nothing, protest everywhere and generally give the president the middle finger. No work, no school. This all probably started back in the plantation days when there was a general strike in the Confederate States known as Black Reconstruction. This grassroots movement—a kind of national snow day—pledges to be non-violent in support of the Constitution and the belief that dissent is a right of Americans. The attire is, of course, black for the national mood. Stay at home or watch the websites for protest venues. What divides us, unites us. Anywhere, Friday, Feb. 17, 8 a.m.5 p.m., free, bit.ly/2kXLNGf

NOT MY PRESIDENT’S DAY

Not able to sleep? Having trouble concentrating at work? Yeah, it’s probably the president. People across the nation are adding activism to their day planners. Join Salt Lake City at the Not My President’s Day Rally—yet another national day of protest to protect the marginalized and reject the policies of the current administration. No more wall of isolationism, no more attacks on the vibrant immigration population, no more denigrating women and the rights of all Americans. This rally is building on the momentum of the Women’s March on the Capitol and demonstrating that the Trump White House does not represent true American values. Salt Lake City and County Building, 451 S. State, 801-396-8700, Monday, Feb. 20, 9-11 a.m., free, bit.ly/2lwNQxJ

TRAILBLAZING WOMEN

Every March, Women’s History Month celebrates the valuable contributions women have made in communities across America. This year, the Salt Lake City Public Library highlights Utah’s Trailblazing Women. What? You didn’t think Utah had any? This panel discussion features leaders in government, education, journalism and community action who have a thing or two to say.

Join KRCL’s Lara Jones and her panel of women who make a difference. Learn about our backward history—Utah women were allowed to vote 50 years before the 19th Amendment, but only comprise about 15 percent of state Legislature today. The good news? The percentage of Utah women in the workforce is higher than the national average. On the flip side, the state also has one of the highest gender wage gaps. Salt Lake City Public Library, 210 E. 400 South, 802-524-8234, Wednesday, Feb. 22, 7 p.m., free, slcpl.org

—KATHARINE BIELE Send tips to revolt@cityweekly.net

Eight new fast-food innovations coming soon to top Taco Bell’s Naked Chicken Chalupa:

8. Dairy Queen’s Chili-Cheese Dog Blizzard.

7. Burger King’s Whopper with Kelp.

6.

Der Weinersnitchel’s Corn Dog and Dr. Pepper Dippers.

5. Subway’s Ritual Sacrifice Black Metal Ham.

4.

Wendy’s Asiago Baconator Frosty.

3. McDonald’s Wake ’n’ Cakes Big Mac Pancake Burger.

2.

Carl’s Jr.’s Hot Carl Chile Verde 3-Way Burger.

1. KFC’s Fuck-It Bowl Last Meal Combo With Phenobarbital.

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NEWS

LIFESTYLE

Pinball Wizards

For many, old-school arcade game sits at the intersection of solace and skill.

STORY + PHOTOS BY DYLAN WOOLF HARRIS dwharris@cityweekly.net @DylantheHarris

T

hey say if you check the pinball machines in select bars around town, you’ll find the monogram “MIL” claiming the high scores. These initials belong to Mike Lund—the “I” stands for Iceman, he says.

Lund’s 9-to-5 is in real estate, but when he’s not on the clock, he’s likely putting in hours on a pinball machine, either his own or one at a favorite haunt. Though he downplays any prolific presence in Salt Lake City’s public pinball machines, other regular pinballers attest to it.

“I’ve seen him in a lot of machines,” says Nels Evenson, a recent Washington state transplant. “Some places, he’s in all of them.”

Lund is selective about the bars he patronizes—always preferring dives.

“There’s plenty of good players out there,” he says, adding “it depends on who goes to what bar.”

Last Saturday, midnight approaching, Lund squares off against an avuncular Sandy resident and Mountain Dew addict named Dan Newman.

Both men were undefeated in the state’s first cham-

pionship tournament held in the basement a palatial Bluffdale home, where pinball collector Blake M. has amassed 21 machines.

Blake’s collection, which includes a handful of non-pinball arcade-style games—all of which were neglected on this night—is so impressive that he asks not have his last name printed for fear of theft. The machines emit a cornucopia of arcade sights and sounds.

The tourney was the convergence of Utah’s top pinball players. (A couple players in the Top 16 were unable to attend, thus forfeiting their spots.)

The 16-bracket, single-elimination tournament was underway. One winner will move on to represent Utah at the International Flipper Pinball Association’s national championship tournament.

To say these players love to play pinball is a gross understatement. They talk strategy and design, they trawl online classifieds looking for used machines, they post on pinball forums, they watch

Mike Lund, center, displays his 2017 Utah State Pinball Championship trophy.

Second-place winner Dan Newman, left; third-place winner Levi Montoya flank him.

YouTube tutorials. One imagines their fingers twitch at night as they dream.

They listen to podcasts, such as locally produced “The Pinball Podcast.” Jeff Rivera co-hosts the program—it’s topped a few thousands subscribers as it nears its 100th episode—with a friend from Albuquerque, N.M. “The main format of the show is what we’ve been doing in pinball, and we have listeners who write in,” he says. “But there’s also news. There are new games coming out all the time and updates.”

These are the folks who can tell you, for example, that there is a Monopoly pinball machine at a truck stop in Beaver, Utah. Kevin and Allison Hill, a younger couple with leading-role good looks, were lent some sage advice by Allison’s father: When getting to know a new person, wait until at least the fifth get-together before bringing up pinball, so you don’t freak them out.

A sign taped to Blake’s front door reads, “Please come in. The nerd fest is in the basement.” Meant in jest, the message isn’t wholly accurate. The players in Utah’s tournament span the social spectrum, and based on appearance alone, you’d have no idea many took part in this scene.

Not too far back in history, pinballers were associated with unruly hooligans.

Outlawed for many years in some U.S. cities, pinball was viewed as a vice of degenerate gamblers. Around 1942, New York City Mayor Fiorello LaGuardia staged a hardline publicity stunt, smashing confiscated machines with a sledgehammer.

In the mid-’70s, a man named Roger Sharpe demonstrated to New York officials that pinball was a game of skill, not luck, and the ban was lifted.

The popularity of pinball has rollercoastered and, over the past five years, it has experienced a resurgence.

Like many niche hobbies, ardent members have formed a community

connected by their obsession. But their unbridled enthusiasm is endearing and infectious.

For the layman, the goal of pinball is to keep the ball alive—that is to propel it up into the machine, watch the steel orb dance around in the lights and then block it from falling through the gap between the flippers. With a little more practice, a player will begin to take aim at its features—the ramps, the targets—not to just play defense, but send the ball where they want it to go. But an experienced player on any modern machine will figure out the game within the game—“modes” as they’re sometimes called. These reflect the ingenuity of the designer, and the modes are almost always themed after a movie, TV show or other pop-culture landmark.

It takes a skilled player to be able to read the machine. Blake produces a flow chart for a Wizard of Oz arcade game that reveals a complex web of modes.

“Every machine has a story or a genre,” pinball buff Steve Kondris says.

“Simpsons is a good example. It’s known as being a very broad, complex machine because there’s a whole bunch of story modes. … In one game mode, it’s Homer’s Day. There’s a series of shots, and you have to hit them in the right order.”

The player, Kondris explains, will direct the ball first to the power plant section of the machine, then to the bar, then to the garage and finally send the ball to the couch, where Homer retires for the night.

In competitive pinball, knowing whether your opponent is familiar with a certain game is an advantage. These players pick their machines deliberately.

As Saturday turns to Sunday, all but four players have wrapped up their competitive games. Most called it a night an hour or more earlier and left.

Lund and Newman are on a game in a smaller side room that houses six

pinball machines. The match for third place is in progress in the main room between Kelly Thomson, a steely eyed BYU grad who built his own pinball machine, and Levi Montoya—the PBR-packing bartender with tattoo sleeves—down both arms and one leg.

Thomson was the No. 1 seed entering the tournament, and he’s known to play with a disciplined, controlled style. But he’s down a game in the best-of-seven match to Montoya, a “fluid” player. Montoya’s body jerks spasmodically when he presses the flipper buttons, and his right leg kicks back like he’s pushing an invisible skateboard.

The winner of this match with take home a third-place trophy and a nice cash consolation prize—$50, someone says.

Tonight’s victor will earn $100, but the more coveted prize is entry into the IFPA National Pinball Championship tourney in Dallas next month.

Utah has never had a state championship representative at nationals, and Lund and Newman want to be the first.

Although only one player can rep Utah at the national championship, there are more venues where pinballers can test their skills. A few locals will head to Pittsburgh in July to compete in aptly titled “Pinburgh”—a massive worldrenowned pinball marathon. It’s an open-invitation competition run by Kevin Martin, owner of hundreds of pinball games.

“He started buying every single machine,” Newman says.

“Once a year, he’ll have a tournament and he’ll open up that

collection.”

When tickets go on sale, there is a mad rush from enthusiasts around the world to snag one. Riverton resident Troy Piantes managed to get three in a 20-minute window before the 650 tickets were gone. He is bringing his wife, Helena, and Newman.

Piantes says he’s building up his pinball stamina for what could be 16-hour days at Pinburgh.

Locally, the Salt Lake Area Pinballers (SLAP) runs tournaments and leagues throughout the year. Players can sign up to participate in an upcoming tournament at an arcade in Springville on March 25. These events earn players points that will determine the ranking for next year’s state championship.

Tonight, the last game of the championship is being played on Ironman, an unforgiving game. “It will throw that ball right down the middle,” Lund says. But he dominates his second ball. The few in the room see the writing on the wall as Lund tames the machine with ungodly precision.

Newman prematurely congratulates his opponent before either plays their third ball.

When the match ends, Lund accepts his victory without pomp. But it takes a moment for him to leave the machine, which has just registered a new high score. And before Lund does anything else, he needs to commemorate the event by entering “MIL,” his ubiquitous initials. CW

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BY KATHARINE BIELE @kathybiele

Vulgar Language

Vagina, masturbation, oral sex—expect to apologize if you use this kind of “vulgar” language in the presence of Utah legislators. The apology came from a woman testifying before the House Education Standing Committee, as they considered Rep. Brian King’s Reproductive Health Education and Services Amendments. Yes, excuse her for speaking in anatomical terms. The hours of testimony were sprinkled with eye-popping conservatism and a good bit of real statistics. “Sex makes us all crazy,” Rep. Eric Hutchings said. “There’s an inability to say ‘vagina’ … and they don’t understand that they’ve been assaulted,” Turner Bitton of the Utah Coalition Against Sexual Assault said. There were those who think comprehensive sex ed opens the door to the horrors of vaccinations and of course, porn.

Rep. Carol Spackman Moss had to correct one woman who thought teachers would be handing out IUDs, explaining what they are. King himself was called a snake-oil salesman. Ultimately, guess what we’ll be teaching? Abstinence.

Dignified Deaths

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HITS&MISSES

You have to hand it to Rep. Rebecca Chavez-Houck for slogging on against the forces of life without dignity. She has been trying for three years to pass legislation allowing a dying patient to opt for a quick and painless end, a Deseret News report noted. Despite all the tearful testimony and medical assurances, legislators who feared some kind of medical “slippery slope” won out. The Eagle Forum, for one, insisted that patients would no longer get care and instead become throw-aways of the medical profession. This despite a 2015 Utah Policy survey that shows 63 percent of Utahns strongly or somewhat favor the right to choose to die. For some reason, legislators still believe that the end of life is beautiful, no matter what.

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Vetoes & Monuments

Those damned feds—except maybe when you want them to deport illegal aliens. The Utah House just endorsed U.S. Rep. Rob Bishop’s Re-empowerment of the States Amendment to let states veto presidential executive orders, The Salt Lake Tribune reported. While many people would like to veto some of the latest, the idea here revolves around national monument designations. In addition to Bishop’s proposal, the Utah Senate is asking Utah’s federal delegation to support reducing the Grand Staircase-Escalante National Monument.

You know, it’s just too big and companies would like to develop it. “About 75 percent of the room consisted of locals in support of an unchanged monument boundary,” Christa Sadler wrote in The Independent about the Kane County meeting on the resolution. So much for public input.

A

Why a bug-eating trash bird makes Utah proud.

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FEBRUARY 16, 2017 | 15

Susa Young Gates, in her 1930 biography of her father, Brigham Young (second president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and first governor of the Utah territory), chronicled this tribulating event in Mormon history: “Just as the crops were giving promise of a much needed harvest, swarms of crickets hovered over the ploughed lands like a devastating army, darkening the earth for miles around, eating off every blade of grass and every growing thing.”

According to Gates, the pioneers tried everything to drive away the crickets, but to no avail. Eventually they resorted to a “threeday fast and prayer,” which yielded miraculous results.

“And behold, a miracle! Rising from the borders of the lake appeared myriad snow-white gulls. From whence they came and what was their purpose, the pioneers could not determine.

Settling upon fields, black with the millions of crickets, the gulls seized them and swallowed them as if unable to fully gorge themselves. When their crops were full, the birds would hop over to a ditch, bank or convenient hillock and disgorge themselves, and then return again to feed upon the countless crickets. The people stood in awe at this direct answer to their prayer.”

Alas, the Mormons were saved by the seagulls’ ravenous appetite for (and intermittent repulsion of) cricket meat.

As a result of this and other, similar accounts of seagull salvation, the California seagull has evolved into a revered Utah symbol. Various monuments have been constructed in its honor, including one at Temple Square in downtown Salt Lake City. The “sea gull” was

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B

ehold, a Seagull Miracle!

We all know the story. We’re practically taught it from the first day of school.

A persistent series of hardships had already befallen the weary desert dwellers when hoards of insidious insects descended upon their fields. So numerous were those vindictive little demons that they reportedly “covered the face of the whole earth, so that the land was darkened,” and they ate “every herb of the land” in a mere three days. Fearing the year’s crops would be lost, the people’s leaders convened and agreed to pray and ask the Lord to remove the spiteful infestation. Thankfully, their prayers had been heard: A mighty force stirred from the west, and the pests were swept away and disposed of in the nearby sea.

It’s a classic tale indelible to our history. By now, the story is so firmly engrained in our culture that we’re past the point of questioning its origins. It’s become an allegory for all times, repeated in perpetuity under the guise of new circumstances.

This canonized legend, of course, is the tale of Egypt’s plague of the locusts, made famous in the book of Exodus.

But here’s an even better story, which Utahns refer to as “The Miracle of the Gulls”: It begins in 1848, after the Mormons had successfully endured their inaugural winter in the Salt Lake Valley. The fiercely determined band of pioneers had prepared fields of grain the previous autumn so that they would be ready to grow the following spring. At first, it appeared their savvy agricultural efforts would be rewarded. But, so the story goes, their luck changed for the worse.

By Ryan Cunningham • comments@cityweekly.net @RyCunn

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Seagull Story

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16 | FEBRUARY 16, 2017

adopted as Utah’s official state bird in 1955 through an act of the state Legislature. Salt Lake City even once hosted a minor league baseball team nicknamed the “Gulls,” until the team moved to Calgary in 1985 and became the “Cannons.”

Behold, a Seagull Skeptic!

This is a great story. You’re gonna love it.

Back in the 1980s, Utah archaeologist David Madsen would stop by his father’s house once in awhile to visit and chat. His father, renowned Utah historian Brigham Madsen, was enjoying the outset of a fairly energetic retirement at this point in his life, still immersed in research and various writing projects. One day, the two were talking about the seagull story we’ve all heard since birth, and it got the elder Madsen wondering.

“He started looking into it,” David recalls, “and he couldn’t find hardly any written evidence that there was anything like what was claimed to be this seagull miracle.”

While he did come across utterances of cricket infestations from Mormon diarists, Brigham didn’t find quite the same desperation and despair over crickets that the typical, modern-day seagull story describes. Moreover, there was very little evidence that seagulls played a significant role in resolving any cricket problem. Though there are accounts of seagulls and other birds eating the crickets, many journals from the time didn’t even mention seagulls.

But perhaps the biggest problem with the “miracle” is a very practical one.

In fact, it’s so simple that I can’t believe it never occurred to me: Crickets are food, too.

“A lot of Native American foragers were eating insects of one kind or another,” David points out. “And there’s a whole array of ethnographic and ethnohistorical data on how they were doing that—how they were capturing them, how they were preparing them, how they were eating them.”

In other words, the original Salt Lake Valley residents would have viewed a cricket invasion as a bountiful blessing, not a plague. Actually, a cricket harvest would be especially facile and plentiful compared to just about any other food source in the West. To illustrate, Madsen uses a colorful comparison: “I estimate that if a whale fell out of the sky, you could get more calories just eating the crickets than you could cutting up that whale.”

The Mormons were not uninformed about the insect-foraging strategies of Native Americans. Pioneers from that era commonly noted the locals’ use of insects as a food source, and the more open-minded and/or pragmatic pioneers would even partake in a buggy meal every now and again. But ethnocentric attitudes toward agrarianism strongly influenced the early Mormons’ reaction to the crickets—one Mormon pioneer described them as appearing to be possessed by “a vindictive little demon.” Eating bugs was at best a last resort for the picky Mormons, but at least they had a pretty solid backup plan if their crops did fail.

Given all this evidence, the Madsens had discovered an alternate seagull story—one so firmly entrenched in history and science that they were beyond the point of believing the classic tale. So to set the record straight, they co-wrote an essay titled, “One Man’s Meat Is Another Man’s Poison: A Revisionist View

of the Seagull ‘Miracle,’” and they sent it off to Utah Historical Quarterly for publication.

At first, it appeared their savvy academic efforts would be rewarded. But, so the story goes, their luck changed for the worse.

“They refused to publish it,” David remembers, “and not because it wasn’t scholarly or anything, but because—and I think this is the quote: ‘It’s too funpoking.’”

Obviously, the Madsens disagreed. But David had a hunch as to why the state’s self-proclaimed “premier history journal” rejected the piece: “I guess it just ran too counter to the accepted story.”

In his 1998 Against the Grain: Memoirs of a Western Historian, father Brigham (who died in 2010 at the age of 96) goes a step further in speculating why the essay was spurned. “We had first submitted this quite serious and scientifically oriented article to the Utah Historical Quarterly as a relevant narrative for Utah readers,” he wrote. “But the reviewer, a professional Utah historian and a solid member of his Mormon faith, disapproved it on the grounds that it would be inappropriate for Mormon readers and that, besides, the title was an attempt to be ‘cute.’”

The Madsens had to resort to printing their seagull story in the fall 1987 edition of Nevada Historical Society Quarterly. The publication ran it as their lead article. Despite this, there were no ensuing calls to bulldoze the Seagull Monument in Temple Square, and the “sea gull” was retained as Utah’s official state bird. However, when minor league baseball returned to Salt Lake City in 1994, the new team abandoned the nickname “Gulls” and became the “Buzz” instead.

Behold, a Seagull Legend!

Personally, I had never expended the intellectual energy to thoroughly question the veracity of the seagull story until recently. I always doubted the spiritual elements of it, as I tend to apply due skepticism to any claims of miracles and answered prayers. But aside from the supernatural stuff, the story seemed at least plausible, if not entirely verifiable.

I felt reassured for my ignorance after David admitted he’d experienced a similar deference to the traditional narrative. It wasn’t until he had thoroughly studied the subject when David began to have doubts.

“It was just so pervasive in Utah growing up, in school and wherever else, that you just accepted it as the truth.”

But the real truth isn’t all that far from fiction. If you live in Utah, crucial elements of the more sensational accounts are evident in our lives today. Seagulls are everywhere in the Salt Lake Valley, and, yes, they do eat bugs—although it’s worth pointing out that they’ll eat almost anything, up to and including garbage. Flocks of seagulls are a familiar sight at the Salt Lake County Landfill according to Salt Lake County Sustainability Manager Ashlee Yoder. She estimates somewhere between 500-800 seagulls visit the site daily, lured by the 1,200 tons of new trash taken there per day.

“Seagulls are a problem at landfills because they can interfere with the equipment operators’ ability to see clearly,” Yoder politely explained to me in an email. She added, “Sorry, I can’t think of a better way to say they poop on the windshields, making good visibility difficult.”

Yoder sees the problem of the winged visitors as minor; just an “inconvenience.” However, she notes that the food items that draw the seagulls to the landfill could be reduced if Utahns recycled more food into compost. In fact, she said about 65 percent of what we throw away could be recycled.

As far as the crickets go, many locals are familiar with the grotesque sight of millions of thumb-sized Mormon crickets (that’s really what they’re called) darkening roadways and devouring every growing thing. It doesn’t happen with much regularity, but these swarms are known to recur every year or so.

It’s just so dang easy to believe in a seagull miracle. By now the story is so firmly entrenched in our culture that we’re past the point of doubting its cromulence. It’s become an allegory for all times, repeated forever under the guise of new events.

Still, it took years for the story to transform into “The Miracle of the Gulls.”

In their essay, the Madsens mark 1853 as a subtle early turning point. That September, during the Mormon church’s General Conference, Apostle Orson Hyde lent authority to claims of divine intervention when he said of the seagulls, “The hand of Providence prepared agents, and sent them to destroy the destroyer; a circumstance that was rare, one that was never known to exist before, and never since to any extent.” It’s worth noting that, by his own admission, Hyde was in Europe in 1848, not the Salt Lake Valley.

It wasn’t until decades later in 1913 when the Seagull Monument on Temple Square was “erected in grateful remembrance of the mercy of God to the Mormon pioneers,” as its plaque informs. Arguably from that moment forward, “The Miracle of the Gulls” became a legend for all times, repeated forever.

Behold, a Seagull Folklore!

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FEBRUARY 16, 2017 | 17

After spending a day combing through old stories about seagulls, I later catch up with Randy Williams, USU’s Fife Folklore Archives curator and oral history specialist. I had hoped she could draw a fine line between history and folklore, so I asked her what the difference is between the two.

“There isn’t one,” she says.

Oh. “They can be the same thing,” she continues. “So, something can historically happen, and then generated out of that could be a legend cycle. And just because it’s a legend cycle, doesn’t mean that it’s not true. It just means that people are repeating it, and maybe massaging it to fit the needs of the telling.”

Furthermore, Williams suggests that the truth isn’t necessarily found only in the factual details of an historical event.

There’s a bigger, capital-T truth that’s captured in the retelling and remixing of a story. It’s a truth about the people who share the story—their beliefs, their values, their ideas, their virtues and biases.

“Folklore isn’t false lore,” Williams says. “It is distilled information that is presented in a group that’s sort of like shorthand language to help teach and perpetuate the group identity.”

That’s why the Madsens faced such a backlash for telling their factual version of the seagull story: They told the truth, but not the whole Truth. And David understood that.

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“Seagull Monument” relief

Behold, a Seagull Truth!

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So prevalent is the seagull story that Utah State University’s Merrill-Cazier Library has committed to preserving associated relics in its Fife Folklore Archives. It’s a fascinating collection of journal entries, oral histories and other such items of folk record, with each piece presenting its own unique deviations.

A charming 10-verse folk ditty from 1952 places the seagull story in 1849, but it sounds like it would make a catchy tune, regardless: ’Twas sea gulls feathered in angel-white,/ And angels they were forsooth./ These sea gulls there by the thousands came/ To battle in very truth./ They charged down upon the cricket hordes/ And gorging them day and night,/ They routed the devastating foe/ And the crickets were put to flight.

By the way, Mormon crickets don’t fly, and they’re not even technically crickets; they’re katydids.

Also, seagulls do eat Mormon crickets, but when they disgorge, they’re only upchucking the parts they can’t digest.

One 1937 retelling leaves seagulls out of the seagull miracle altogether. In this version, the feathered snow-white agents are replaced by a mighty wind that “blew the insects with such force, against fences and buildings that they lay in great heaps.” Also in this version, the cricket menace rages “for several years” instead of a single growing season.

Then there’s the inevitable habit of rediscovering the seagull story under the guise of new events. Writing about the 1976 Teton Dam flood one year later in Logan’s Herald Journal, a columnist recalled initial concerns about an overwhelming mosquito infestation in the region. “Then the gulls came,” she said.

“No one knew from where, Gunnison Island in the Western Great Salt Lake or from the Pacific Ocean? They lighted on ponds and pools and in a week all larvae and mosquitoes were gone, and the gulls left—for where? Miracles still happen.”

A year prior, a 19-year-old woman was recorded as believing recent “invasions by ‘Mormon Crickets,’ cattle mutilations, numerous reports of UFOs and an earthquake” in her hometown of Malad all correlate with biblical end-times.

“To me,” she added, “the facts speak for themselves.”

But maybe the most bizarre and off-putting artifact is a joke. There are 15 variations of this joke included in the collection, but it basically goes like this: Setup: Why are crows black?

Punchline: Because they wouldn’t help the seagulls eat the crickets.

Occurrences of this racist wisecrack seem to come almost entirely from the 1970s, which is right around the time the LDS church ended a longtime ban on people of color entering the priesthood.

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Douwe Blumberg’s “Take Flight” at City Creek Center

“If you start attacking those stories that are propagated to sort of bind people together, then you’re not really attacking the story itself,” David says. “You’re attacking the way that those people are bonding together. We have to tell these stories to create a group identity.”

Behold, a Seagull Ending!

As a ravenous fan of The Simpsons, I couldn’t help but recall an episode called “Lisa the Iconoclast” this whole time. It’s a great story. You’re gonna love it.

The town of Springfield is gearing up for its own bicentennial celebration. Accordingly, Lisa Simpson embarks on a research project focusing on the town’s “cromulent” founder Jebediah Springfield, who reportedly led a “fiercely determined band of pioneers” out of Maryland in 1796 “after misinterpreting a passage in the Bible.” But Lisa stumbles upon a handwritten confession wherein Jebediah divulges his true identity: murderous pirate Hans Sprungfeld. Despite the factual evidence supporting her claim, both her teacher and a local historian shun her revelation. Still she persists, saying, “I refuse to believe that everyone refuses to believe the truth.” Finally, Lisa gets up in front of the entire town during the bicentennial celebration to announce the truth, but suddenly, she can’t do it. “The myth of Jebediah has value, too,” she explains moments later to the local historian. “It’s brought out the best of everyone in this town.”

If you’re now wondering how a seagull story ended with a Simpsons reference, then you don’t know me and you certainly don’t know minor league baseball: The Calgary Cannons, formerly the Salt Lake Gulls, moved to New Mexico in 2003 to become the Albuquerque Isotopes. The new nickname is a reference to a Simpsons episode in which Homer prevents the Springfield Isotopes, the town’s minor league baseball team, from moving to Albuquerque.

It’s a classic tale indelible to TV history—much like the seagull story is tied into ours. By now, The Simpsons is so firmly ingrained in pop culture that I’m past the point of questioning its origins. It has become a series for all times, perpetuated forever under the guise of new episodes. CW

These are difficult times—times of challenge that require talent and tenacity. How fitting then that modern audiences can take inspiration from a children’s story written early in the last century.

Adapted for the stage by Dennis Kelly with songs by Tim Minchin (the soon-to-debut Groundhog Day musical) and on its first national tour, Matilda the Musical is based on the novel by Welsh writer Roald Dahl about a 5-year-old girl who is not only a genius, but gifted with amazing powers as well. With the support of a caring teacher—helping to make up for her oblivious parents—she confronts the cruelty of her school’s headmistress, providing proof that innocence and humility can sometimes overcome adversity.

Granted, simple sentiments are rarely enough to triumph in the real world, but there’s something so hopeful about Matilda the Musical that it not only won raves from critics but also reaped four Tonys and more than 50 international awards during its run on Broadway and London’s West End. The New York Times, Bloomberg News and The Wall Street Journal all shouted its praises, while Time Magazine cited it as their No. 1 musical of the year. Impressive, indeed.

Clearly, there’s something to be said about a little girl who takes a stand and determines her own destiny. If she can do it, maybe the rest of us can, too. And if not … well, at least we can put our troubles aside long enough to enjoy enchanting entertainment. (Lee Zimmerman) Broadway in Utah: Matilda the Musical @ Eccles Theater, 131 S. Main, Feb. 21-26, performance times vary, $30-$90, arttix.artsaltlake.org

Matilda the Musical

FEBRUARY 16, 2017 | 19

With the recent much-debated designation of Bears Ears National Monument in the southeastern corner of Utah, a lot of ears are attuned to conversations about what monument status might mean for conservation and land use in the state in general. Authors Craig Childs (pictured) and Amy Irvine are joining forces at Ken Sanders Rare Books to tell courageous and sometimes controversial tales about the fabled region.

Childs’ most recent book—Apocalyptic Planet: Field Guide to The Future of The Earth (Vintage, 2013)—is a combination nature guide and love letter to the earth, and was awarded the Orion Book Award and the Sigurd F. Olson Nature Writing Award. Irvine’s books—including Trespass: Living at the Edge of the Promised Land (North Point Press, 2009) and Making a Difference (Globe Pequot, 2001)—are about living in the presence of our region’s incredible beauty, combined with stories of environmental activism.

The evening’s event includes mixed-media art and spoken word, and the authors’ impressions are of a landscape that is sometimes hostile and at times fragile—wilderness in the most profound sense of the term. They also address how we can find a kind of intimacy with nature, even at its most desolate, and a renewed appreciation of its beauty. It’s about more than just the land; it’s about our relationship to the planet. (Brian Staker) Craig Childs and Amy Irvine: The Naked Desert: Body Erotic, Body Politic @ Ken Sanders Rare Books, 268 S. 200 East, 801521-3819, 7 p.m., free, kensandersbooks.com

There’s probably no greater walking contradiction in comedy than Bob Saget. Few people could pull off a clean-cut image for years, then go completely filthy—including his infamous version of a legendary crude joke in the documentary The Aristocrats—and remain beloved.

Saget himself has been having one of the best times of his life recently, he says in an email interview, starting with his two kids and a new girlfriend—who he says is “a woman, and that’s real growth for me.” Saget is currently on tour, with plans to act and direct in a movie called Jake later this year. In March, he’ll perform at a New York benefit for the Garden of Dreams foundation with John Oliver and Tracy Morgan. And, of course, filming more episodes of Fuller House for its third season on Netflix.

“It’s actually been amazing. People are very appreciative,” Saget says about the show’s return. “It’s really quite a kick.”

Saget comes to SLC with almost 90 minutes of new material. “It’s a lot of new stories and things that mean something to me, and my job is to entertain people right now, because they deserve it and need it so much,” he says. “To me, it’s a privilege to be able to have an audience spend some money and come because they want to see me do my comedy. I’m 60 now, I don’t take this stuff for granted. Every show means something to me.”

Near the end of his set, Saget works in some songs from older specials and encourages the audience to sing along. “I’m turning into Liza Minnelli,” he says. (Gavin Sheehan) Bob Saget @ Wiseguys SLC, 194 S. 400 West, 801-532-5233, Feb. 19-20, 6:30 & 9 p.m., $35, wiseguyscomedy.com

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TUESDAY 2.21

Bob Saget

SUNDAY 2.19

Craig Childs and Amy Irvine: The Naked Desert: Body Erotic, Body Politic

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The history of the early Catholic church is full of powerful and influential female thinkers.

These abbesses, nuns and mystics are largely forgotten now, but their legacies still hold power to transfix and inspire.

Plan-B Theatre Co. examines the life of one of the most fascinating and powerful of these women, Hildegard of Bingen, in its new play, Virtue. In playwright Tim Slover’s debut withthe company, the play delves into the visions, incidents and relationships surrounding her most influential work—the world’s oldest surviving morality play, The Play of the Virtues.

In this backstory to Hildegard’s musical play, Virtue also explores the gray, overlapping areas between sexuality and spirituality with the inclusion of Richardis von Strade, a fellow nun who became her scribe. Historically, the pair was incredibly intimate, leading to centuries of speculation over their relationship. While nothing can be proven, Virtue leans toward the idea that women were romantically involved, and that their relationship was crucial to completing Hildegard’s work.

Director Jerry Rapier says the story’s focus on the power of faith, its complicated presentation of women and the writing itself attracted him to Virtue. “I love the play and what it has to say about faith, women, God and love, but it was the writing itself that actually caught my eye,” he says. “I felt the play. And when I feel the play, we have to do the play.”

(Kylee Ehmann) Plan-B Theatre Co.: Virtue @ Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, 801-297-4200, Feb. 16-26, Thursday-Saturday, 8 p.m.; Saturday, 4 p.m.; Sunday, 2 p.m., $10-$20, planbtheatre.org

SATURDAY 2.18

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Plan-B Theatre Co.: Virtue

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THURSDAY 2.16

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Art Access’ new director focuses on supporting great work by diverse artists

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our board, artists that are part of our community, our clients. I really want to have the opportunity to meet and listen to everyone. I think there’s so much wisdom and so many powerful ideas that exist in the community, and I really feel that my job right now is just to harness all of that.”

That commitment to individual relationships also played a role in why she felt that Salt Lake City was a good fit for someone most familiar with larger cities. The aforementioned year she spent living in Missoula provided a sense of community, she says, “that you could really know who you’re working with. I was working in a domestic violence program, and I knew our officers, I knew the doctors at the hospital, I knew the prosecuting attorneys and the defense attorneys, and I thought that was really cool.

In Seattle, that’s not really possible. … A lot of the things I loved about Montana, I found when I came here that I loved, too.”

Community has long been at the heart of Art Access’ mission, to an extent that might not always be understood or appreciated even by those tapped into the local art scene. The organization channels funding into a variety of artist residencies, from facilities like The Road Home shelter and VA hospital to local elementary schools. Art Access has also partnered with other arts organizations like Salt Lake Acting Co., including providing art work by women military veterans for display at the theater during the run of the similarly themed play Harbur Gate this month. Even some of the gallery’s exhibits have led to collaborations, like when a representative from Ronald McDonald House saw a show last year JACKELIN SLACK HART

s the new executive director of Art Access Gallery, Shandra Benito has a vision for how the nonprofit organization—with its mission to serve diverse and often underserved communities with arts programs—should be perceived. And that vision involves quality, not sympathy.

Benito recalls finding out about an exhibit by people with disabilities when she was living in Missoula, Mont. “I was super-excited because I’m deaf, I’m a woman with a disability, and I love art, and I made sure to go to that exhibit,” she says.

“When I walked in, I was so disappointed, because it was just kids’ drawings. It was marketed as people with disabilities, not children with disabilities.

I love children’s art, and [it can be] really meaningful, but I felt it was perpetuating this idea that ‘people with disabilities’ is the same as ‘children.’ Like we don’t have high-quality artists with disabilities.”

A Seattle native, Benito arrives in Salt Lake City with an extensive background in the nonprofit sector and social work, including a stint as head of fundraising for Abused Deaf Woman’s Advocacy Services.

She is, however, new to working full-time for an arts organization, in addition to being new to the city. The Art Access position, she says, “merges two things I’m really passionate about—which is artistic expression and also working with populations to say, ‘We believe that everyone should have access to this.’ And we understand that the system doesn’t always provide that right now.”

She believes strongly, though, that Art Access has long been a community leader at providing that kind of service, with more than 30 years of supporting arts programs.

That means she really doesn’t see a need to re-invent this particular wheel in terms of altering the organization’s direction. When asked where she has put her energy first in learning about a new place, Benito replies, “It’s a really easy answer: people. That’s staff,

JACKELIN SLACK HART

A

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VISUAL ART

Above: exhibit at Art Access Gallery.

Left: Art Access Dir. Shandra Benito.

curated by Heal Courageously featuring photography of people experiencing lifethreatening illnesses, and asked for a similar project dedicated to the House’s young clients.

Supporting these programs—and many others, including an art therapy program for survivors of sexual assault that’s entering its second year—requires funding, and the financial challenges of a nonprofit are always an issue. While the current political climate promises both potential changes to government funding sources and reasons for people to spend donation dollars elsewhere, Benito seems ready for the challenge. “The goal should always be to sustain through those ups and downs of different types of funding,” she says. “When it comes to what we want to do, fundraising is about sharing our story with people, and making sure everyone who comes in knows who we are, and what we do.”

For now, Benito’s new ideas are all about focusing on that mission and making sure others know about it—from developing new guided tours of the gallery, to insuring that such tours also address accessibility for all populations, including the hearing- or vision-impaired. And it’s another chance to showcase the artwork itself, with an emphasis on how good that art is. “We have art by a number of communities that are underserved and maybe marginalized by the arts community,” she says, “and I think that we show people that that’s high-quality art, and that’s a piece of the conversation that we lose if we don’t create a space for those people to learn art and show their art.” CW

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Utah artists Jared Steffensen and Christopher Kelly collaborate on the site-specific installation Get Used to It, combining abstraction and minimalism to explore the interior gallery space at CUAC (175 E. 200 South, Salt Lake City, 385-215-6768, cuartcenter.org) through March 13.

PERFORMANCE THEATER

DANCE

Ballet West: The Sleeping Beauty Capitol Theatre, 50 W. 200 South, 801-355-2787, through Feb. 26, balletwest.org Utah Symphony: Mozart’s Requiem Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple, 801-533-6683, Feb. 17-18, 7:30 pm, utahsymphony.org

COMEDY & IMPROV

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FEBRUARY 16, 2017 | 21

Andy Gold Wiseguys Ogden, 269 Historic 25th Street, Ogden, 801-622-5588, Feb. 17-18, 8 p.m., wiseguyscomedy.com Bengt Washburn Wiseguys SLC, 194 S. 400 West, Salt Lake City, 801-532-5233, Feb. 16-18, 7 p.m. & 9:30 p.m., wiseguyscomedy.com Bob Saget Wiseguys SLC, 194 S. 400 West, Salt Lake City, 801-532-5233, Feb. 19-20, 6:30 p.m. & 9 p.m., wiseguyscomedy.com (see p. 19) ImprovBroadway 496 N. 900 East, Provo, 909-260-2509, Saturdays, 8 p.m., improvbroadway.com Improv Comedy Ziegfeld Theater, 3934 Washington Blvd., Ogden, 435-327-8273, Saturdays, 9:30 p.m., ogdencomedyloft.com Laughing Stock Improv The Off Broadway Theatre, 272 S. Main, Salt Lake City, 801-355-4628, Fridays & Saturdays, 10 p.m., laughingstock.us Off the Wall Comedy Improv Draper Historic Theatre, 12366 S. 900 East, Draper, 801-5724144, Saturdays, 10:30 p.m., drapertheatre.org Open-Mic Night Wiseguys SLC, 194 S. 400 West, Salt Lake City, 801-532-5233, Wednesdays, 7:30 p.m., wiseguyscomedy.com Quick Wits Comedy 695 W. Center St., Midvale, 801-824-0523, Saturdays, 10 p.m., qwcomedy.com Random Tangent Comedy Improv Draper Historic Theatre, 12366 S. 900 East, Draper, 801572-4144, Saturdays, 10 p.m., drapertheatre.org

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CLASSICAL & SYMPHONY

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Annie The Ziegfeld Theater, 3934 S. Washington Blvd., Ogden, 855-944-2787, Feb. 17-March 18, 7:30 p.m., theziegfeldtheater.com The Comedy of Errors The Grand Theatre, 1575 S. State, 801-957-3322, through Feb. 25, times vary, grandtheatrecompany.com Disney’s The Little Mermaid Draper Historic Theatre, 12366 S. 900 East, Draper, through March 4, 7 p.m.; Feb. 25 matinee, 2 p.m., drapertheatre.org Dogfight Babcock Theatre, 300 S. 1400 East, 801581-7100, through Feb. 19, 2 & 7:30 p.m., theatre.utah.edu The Fantasticks Empress Theatre, 9104 W. 2700 South, Magna, 801-347-7373, through Feb. 18, Friday-Saturday & Monday, 7:30 p.m.; Saturday matinee, 2 p.m., empresstheatre.com Harbur Gate Salt Lake Acting Co., 168 W. 500 North, 801-363-7522, through March 12, saltlakeactingcompany.org The Importance of Being Earnest Brigham’s Playhouse, 25 N. 300 West, Building C1, Washington, 435-251-8000, through Feb. 18, Thursday-Saturday, 7 p.m.; Saturday matinee, 2 p.m., brighamsplayhouse.com Indiana Bones: Raiders of the Wall Mart Desert Star Playhouse, 4861 S. State, Murray, 801-2662600, through March 18, times vary, desertstar.biz Live Museum Theater Natural History Museum of Utah, 301 Wakara Way, 801-581-6927, through April 15, 11 a.m.-4 p.m., nhmu.utah.edu The Magic Show Utah Children’s Theatre, 3605 S. State, 801-532-6000, through Feb. 25, times vary, uctheatre.org Matilda the Musical Eccles Theater, 131 S. Main, 801-355-2787, Feb. 21-26, artsaltlake.org (see p. 19) The Mountaintop Good Company Theatre, 260 25th St., Ogden, 801-564-0288, through Feb. 26, Friday-Saturday, 8 p.m.; Saturday-Sunday, 4 p.m., goodcotheatre.com The Other Place Sorensen Unity Center, 1383 S. 900 West, 801-535-6533, Feb. 17-March 4, 7:30 p.m., sorensonunitycenter.com Peter and the Starcatchers Hale Center Theater, 225 W. 400 North, Orem, 801-226-8600, through

April 8, times vary, haletheater.org Virtue Plan-B Theatre Co., Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, 801-355-2787, Feb. 16-26, planbtheatre.org (see p. 19) Women In Jeopardy! Pioneer Theatre Co., 300 S. 1400 East, 801-581-6961, through Feb. 25, Monday-Thursday, 7 p.m.; Friday-Saturday, 7:30 p.m.; Saturday matinee, 2 p.m., pioneertheatre.org

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Pick up the NEW issue of Devour Utah

moreESSENTIALS Sasquatch Cowboy The Comedy Loft, 3934 Washington Blvd., Ogden, 435-327-8273, Saturdays, 9:30 p.m., ogdencomedyloft.com

LITERATURE AUTHOR APPEARANCES

Go to devourutah.com for pick up locations.

Craig Childs and Amy Irvine: The Naked Desert: Body Erotic, Body Politic Ken Sanders Rare Books, 268 S. 200 East, 801-521-3819, 7 p.m., free, kensandersbooks.com (see p. 19) Florence Williams: The Nature Fix: Why Nature Makes Us Happier, Healthier and More Creative The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, 801-484-9100, Feb. 16, 7 p.m., kingsenglish.com Mikel Parry: Fathom Weller Bookworks, 607 Trolley Square, 801-328-2586, Feb. 17, 7 p.m., wellerbookworks.com Amy Newmark: Chicken Soup for the Soul: Random Acts of Kindness: 101 Stories of Compassion and Paying It Forward Barnes & Noble, 801-261-4040, 5249 S. State, Murray, Feb. 11, noon-4 p.m., barnesandnoble.com Dr. Darron T. Smith: When Race, Religion and Sport Collide: Black Athletes at BYU and Beyond The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, 801-484-9100, Feb. 22, kingsenglish.com

SPECIAL EVENTS FARMERS MARKETS

Winter Market Rio Grande Depot, 300 S. Rio Grande St., Salt Lake City, through April 22, Saturdays, 10 a.m.-2 p.m., slcfarmersmarket.org

FESTIVALS & FAIRS

Backcountry Film Festival Brewvies Cinema Pub, 677 S. 200 West, Feb. 16, 7 p.m., brewvies.com

TALKS & LECTURES

Frontiers of Science: Why Birds Matter: Conserving the World’s Birds and Their Ecosystem Services Aline Wilmot Skaggs Biology Building, 259 S. 1400 East, 801-5878098, Feb. 16, 6 p.m., science.utah.edu 1 Million Cups Impact Hub, 150 S. State, Ste. 1, 385-202-6008, through June 14, 9-10 a.m., hubsaltlake.com Tyrants in the White House Salt Lake City Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, Room A, 801-534-8200, Feb. 22, 7 p.m., slcpl.org

VISUAL ART GALLERIES & MUSEUMS

Amy Caron: Angel Series Corinne & Jack Sweet Library, 455 F St., 801-594-8651, through Feb. 25, slcpl.org Andy White Red Butte Garden, 300 Wakara Way, 801-585-0556, through Feb. 21, redbuttegarden.org/andy-white Be It Ever So Humble Utah Cultural Celebration Center, 1355 W. 3100 South, West Valley, 801-9655100, through March 1, culturalcelebration.org Benjamin Cook: Allure of the Mountains Chapman Library, 577 S. 900 West, 801-5948623, through Feb. 28, slcpl.org Brent Hale: Creatures of Imagination Art at the Main, 210 E. 400 South, through March 11,

artatthemain.com Christopher Boffoli: Food for Thought Kimball Art Center, 1401 Kearns Blvd., Park City, 435-6498882, through March 19, kimballartcenter.org Collect Alice Gallery, 617 E. South Temple, 801274-7270, through March 20, heritage.utah.gov Demons, Goddesses & Lumberjacks Downtown Artist Collective, 258 E. 100 South, Feb. 17, 6-9 p.m., downtownartistcollective.org Doug Braithwaite and George Handrahan Pioneer Theatre, 300 S 1400 East, 801-581-6961, through Feb. 25, 10 a.m.-6 p.m., pioneertheatre.org En Plein Air: Levi Jackson and Adam Bateman Rio Gallery, 300 S. Rio Grande St., through March 10, heritage.utah.gov Erin D. Coleman: In the Distance from Here to My Heart SLC Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801-524-8200, through Feb. 24, slcpl.org Fabricated: Recent works by John O’Connell “A” Gallery, 1321 S. 2100 East, 801-583-4800, through Feb. 28, agalleryonline.com The Future Isn’t What It Used to Be Street + Codec Gallery, Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through May 13, free, utahmoca.org H. James Stewart: The Wall Finch Lane Gallery, 54 Finch Lane, 801-596-5000, through Feb. 24, saltlakearts.org Howard Brough Finch Lane Gallery, 54 Finch Lane, 801-596-5000, through Feb. 24, saltlakearts.org Imagining Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through April 15, utahmoca.org John Sproul Finch Lane Gallery, 54 Finch Lane, 801-596-5000, through Feb. 24, saltlakearts.org Jared Steffensen and Christopher Kelly: Get Used To It CUAC, 175 E. 200 South, 385-2156768, through March 13, cuartcenter.org (see p. 21) Kay Miner Red Butte Garden, 300 Wakara Way, 801-585-0556, through Feb. 26, redbuttegarden.org Lindsay Daniels: Nepal Rises Sprague Library, 2131 S. 1100 East, 801-594-8640, through March 18, slcpl.org Micheal Jensen: Where Is My Mind Salt Lake City Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801-594-8680, through March 3, Monday-Saturday, slcpl.org MWFA: February Gallery Stroll Modern West Fine Art, 177 E. 200 South, 801-355-3383, Feb. 17-March 11, 5 p.m.-9 p.m., modernwestfineart.com Only God Can Judge Me Utah Museum of Contemporary Art Projects Gallery, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through March 18, utahmoca.org Paul Vincent Bernard and Rose Umerlik: Modern & Minimal J GO Gallery, 408 Main, Park City, 435-649-1006, Feb. 17-March 15, jgogallery.com Rona Pondick & Robert Feintuch: Heads, hands, feet; sleeping, holding, dreaming, dying Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through July 15, utahmoca.org Vatsala Soni Ranjan: Spirit Animals DayRiverside Library, 1575 W. 1000 North, 801-5948632, through Feb. 24, slcpl.org/events Wayne L. Geary: Topographies SLC Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801-524-8200, through Feb. 24, slcpl.org/events World of the Wild Art Show Hogle Zoo, 2600 E. Sunnyside Ave., 801-584-1700, through March 12, Monday-Saturday, 10 a.m.-3:30 p.m., hoglezoo.org

DINE

SNOW GRUB

Mountain Meals

Head to slopeside spots for dining and drinking.

BY TED SCHEFFLER tscheffler@cityweekly.net @critic1

TED SCHEFFLER

A

The fire pit at The Roundhouse restaurant at Solitude

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season is Bistro Kosher Deli, located in the Silverado Lodge. It features antibioticand hormone-free meats and a dairy-free kitchen, along with 100 percent organic produce. The deli serves items such as hot pastrami and turkey Reuben sandwiches, and mains like spaghetti and meatballs, chicken schnitzel and citrus salmon.

Finally, just steps from Park City’s Orange Bubble Express chairlift is Red Tail Grill, where the quality of the cuisine somewhat belies the restaurant’s funky, friendly feel. It’s the type of place where you can enjoy a bottle of Sonoma Cutrer along with your mushroom burger or fish and chips, while catching some sun on the outdoor deck. Huevos rancheros and chicken fried steak are popular breakfast items, while our crew devoured the smoked Idaho trout flatbread and the crab fritters with avocado mousse at lunchtime.

Ski resort dining options are getting more and more diverse, as evidenced by Deer Valley Resort (deervalley.com). In Silver Lake Lodge, hungry guests can enjoy iconic Vietnamese noodle soup at Bald Mountain Pho. The base is your choice between slow-cooked, rich beef broth or a vegetarian ginger-mushroom broth. Doctor it up with thinly sliced Wagyu beef, tofu, shiitake mushrooms, bean sprouts, lime wedges, sliced chiles, fresh Thai basil and mint, plus sauces like housemade Sriracha, hoisin and hot red chile oil. Or, for south-of-the-border flavors at Silver Lake, drop by the Taquería, where taco options include mole beef short rib, pork carnitas or cilantro-lime shrimp. All are served on corn tortillas with shredded cabbage, and alongside there’s fresh baby kale salad, red quinoa, corn and black beans. Salsa bar toppings include grilled pineapple salsa, pickled red onions, pico de gallo, salsa verde, red chile sauce, fresh cilantro and lime wedges. CW

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360-degree views along with lip-smacking food that would taste great at any elevation.

With a patio overlooking Mineral Basin, the Summit can accommodate up to 400 hungry patrons for lunch, with excellent panini sandwiches like the cheddar, havarti and provolone on sourdough bread, along with salads, soups, grass-fed beef chili, rotisserie-cooked meats and chicken and individual-size artisan pizzas, including gluten-free options.

If I were forced to choose a favorite onmountain dining destination at a Utah resort, I think it would be Lookout Cabin at Park City (parkcitymountain.com).

The cozy ambiance, top-notch service and full bar just add to the appeal of Chef Chris Durfee’s (formerly of Metropolitan restaurant) cuisine. The eclectic menu ranges from delicious five-spice chicken buns with maitake mushrooms, gingerplum wine broth and grilled bok choy, to shrimp scampi späetzle, Rocky Mountain cheese fondue and pan-seared, applebraised pork belly. And those are just some of the starters. The 8-ounce Kobe burger with Heber Valley cheddar and housemade bacon on a toasted bun is one of the best burgers I’ve tasted, and comes with perfect, double-cooked french fries to boot. For veggie lovers, I recommend the roasted winter vegetable- and quinoa-stuffed bell pepper with roasted garlic, tomato purée, Utah goat cheese and arugula pesto. In addition to the fully stocked bar, Lookout Cabin’s wine selection is also loaded, with more than 20 wines available by the glass and even more by the bottle.

Over at Park City’s chic, cafeteria-style Cloud Dine, you’ll find one of the best Niçoise salads in the Intermountain West, as well as my favorite lunchtime fix: the Kobe beef hot dog in a housemade pretzel bun. Salmon pot pie and flat-bread pizzas also beckon, as do Chef Greg Hansen’s addictive housemade doughnuts. Try to avoid peak lunchtime hours, however, as Cloud Dine gets full fast. Also, new to Canyons Village at Park City Resort this

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

ll too soon, winter will wane, and we’ll be forced to ski and ride in slush. Before that happens, you should get your butts out onto the slopes while conditions are still great. While you’re at it, be sure to check out the new eating spots and menus that a few of our local ski and snowboard areas have to offer. I’ve spent a good portion of the past month skiing from on-mountain eatery to eatery. Hey, someone has to do it. Here are some hot spots for great slopeside meals and libations.

When Deer Valley Resort purchased and took over operations of Solitude Mountain Resort (skisolitude.com) last year, they probably weren’t anticipating having to remodel the iconic mid-mountain Roundhouse restaurant there. But, accidents happen: Last April, the 60-year-old structure burned to the ground while, due to a lack of access and water, firefighters had to simply sit and watch the blaze. The good news is that the new Roundhouse is a much more modern eatery with improved seating capacity and, maybe ironically, a huge round fire pit in the center of the upstairs dining room.

Menu options here are divvied up into two parts: the Wasatch menu items and the Himalayan. All-American (and Canadian) foods like chicken pot pie, burgers, grilled chicken, fries and chicken poutine occupy the Wasatch side, while Eastern flavors beckon on the other, including vegetarianfriendly dishes like dal bhat (split lentil and vegetable stew), saag paneer (sautéed spinach with Indian cheese) and vegetable curry. Meat lovers will enjoy the richly flavored meat entrée, which includes both Himalayan-style butter chicken and tender, braised lamb curry, plus jasmine rice.

For a truly unique and memorable dining experience, book a guided evening dinner at The Yurt at Solitude—a Mongolianstyle yurt located about a half-mile from Solitude Village that you’ll reach by snowshoe under the moonlit sky. The talented Solitude chefs prepare a four-course finedining meal in the warm and cozy yurt that you’d think might only be achievable in an upscale urban restaurant setting.

Snowbird’s (snowbird.com) highflying, Summit restaurant—located 11,000 feet above sea level—offers panoramic

BRING THE FAMILY UP EMIGRATION CANYON THIS WINTER

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Italian Village

BY TED SCHEFFLER @critic1

italianvillageslc.com

DEREK CARLISLE

Gravlax Toast

Kimi’s Grown-Up Brunch

Looking for a new weekend brunch spot?

Kimi’s Chop & Oyster House (2155 S. Highland Drive, Salt Lake City, 801-9462079, kimishouse.com) now serves brunch on Saturdays and Sundays from 10 a.m.2:30 p.m. And, for those who would prefer a grown-up environment, it’s a 21-and-over affair. In addition to $5 mimosas and $7 jalapeño, bacon and spicy shrimp bloody marys, Kimi’s brunch runs the gamut from blue crab meat salad wraps and toast smögen to croque madam, banana pancakes and root vegetable hash. Also new—and again, for those 21 and over—is nightly Après Work, featuring $5 appetizer and cocktail specials.

Get your Italian on.

Seasonal Specials at The Paris

One of my favorite foods is the Alsatian specialty called choucroute garni. “Choucroute” means sauerkraut in French, and “garni” refers to all the good stuff that comes with it: artisan sausages such as knackwurst, fleischwurst, bratwurst and other hearty items like boiled potatoes. The only local place I know to get authentic choucroute garni is at The Paris Bistro (1500 S. 1500 East, Salt Lake City, 801-486-5585, theparis.net), where it’s available on their seasonal winter menu. Other inseason specials include coq au vin—made with all-natural, free-range chicken— and galette à la tartiflette, a buckwheat crêpe with potato, onion, jambon de Paris, Reblochon cheese, poached egg and mesclun salad with walnut oil vinaigrette. Shaved Périgord black winter truffles are optional.

5370 S. 900 E. MURRAY, UT MON-THU 11a-11p FRI-SAT 11a-12a / SUN 3p-10p

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Anti-Winter Artisan Chocolates

Acclaimed artisan confectioner Chris Blue and his company, Chocolatier Blue, got its start right here in Utah. Chris has just released a new chocolate collection, all made with Salt Lake City’s Solstice Chocolate.

The line, called the Anti-Winter Collection, is meant to employ bright citrus flavors, nostalgia and, yes, booze. The 14 new flavors include Mexican wedding cake, Highland Fling (made with single-malt Scotch), banana cream pie, Cajun martini, buttered popcorn and Champagne and Gimlet, which incorporates local craft gin.

Chocolatier Blue products are available at all Caputo’s locations.

Quote of the week: “Your hand and your mouth agreed many years ago that, as far as chocolate is concerned, there is no need to involve your brain.”

—Dave Barry Send tips to tscheffler@cityweekly.net

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To Air is Human

Why wine geeks swirl, slosh, sip and spit.

BY TED SCHEFFLER tscheffler@cityweekly.net @critic1

DRINK

t a recent dinner with my son, Hank, he asked me, “Does that really make any difference?” He was referring to the fact that I was swirling and sloshing my wine in the wine glass before drinking it. “It actually does,” I replied.

The somewhat odd-looking behaviors and habits of seasoned wine drinkers—swirling it, sloshing it around in the mouth and (sometimes) spitting it out—might seem like nervous tics, or maybe just bad manners. But they’re not.

Though they might appear peculiar, wine geeks go through those motions and more for good reasons. Combined, they help us to better know, and therefore enjoy, the wines we drink.

Why was I heartily swirling the wine around in my glass?

Well, unless it’s been decanted in advance—which is fairly rare—almost all of the wine we enjoy has been cooped up in a bottle until we drink it. It has been resting peacefully, as it should be.

However, most wines directly poured from a newly opened bottle—at home or in a restaurant setting—are “closed” and “tight.” They need room to breathe, literally. So, we swirl it vigorously in a glass to introduce the air. Infusing oxygen tends to accentuate both the flavors and aromas. If you don’t believe me, do this simple exercise the next time you open a new bottle: Pour two identical glasses of wine, but only give one of them a swirl. Then, stick your nose into each glass. I guarantee that the one you swirled will be much more fragrant— inviting you to enjoy it, so to speak.

A floral-smelling wine like Viognier becomes even more

floral when it’s given room to breathe. Ditto the wine’s flavors: Aerating can release the flavors you were looking for when you bought it, but also more subtly render its harsher notes. In short, introducing air to your wine—whether it’s with a decanter or other tools, or just by swirling it in a glass—helps it come alive.

Probably the most annoying and socially unacceptable behavior to non-connoisseurs is the habit of swishing wine around in the mouth before either swallowing or spitting. It sounds and looks a lot like the way the Japanese eat ramen, which is totally acceptable in their culture.

Without getting too technical, our tongues have various sensors that recognize sweetness, acidity, tartness and so on. Tasting wine in the front of the mouth first, then letting it flow toward the tonsils, helps wine drinkers identify the various taste aspects of the wine. That wouldn’t happen if you simply tossed it down your gullet like a Pepsi. Allowing it to settle in the mouth briefly also helps the drinker identify the weight (often referred to as the “body”) of the wine. How does it feel? Silky? Heavy? Fizzy? Do the tannins make your mouth pucker? These sensations tell you a lot about the wine you’re drinking and whether you’ll want to drink it again.

Finally, to spit or not to spit? Most wine drinkers and experts I know prefer to swallow. However, when attending a wine tasting where perhaps a dozen or more wines are being sampled, it’s smart to spit. First, you won’t get too drunk if you do. But also, you’ll avoid the palate fatigue that comes with tasting too many wines in a short period. Personally, I rarely want it to go to waste in a spit bucket. But that’s your call. CW

GOODEATS Complete listings at cityweekly.net Featuring dining destinations from buffets and rooms with a view to mom-and-pop joints, chic cuisine and some of our dining critic’s faves.

Communal

This restaurant boasts serving its dining guests farmfresh and in-season cuisine using locally sourced and produced ingredients. It’s best to go as a group as the dishes are served family-syle—hence the restaurant’s name. Dishes like roasted chicken, Utah trout and grilled hangar steak are prepared in a no-nonsense, simple but sensational style. We’re darn jealous of you, Provo. 102 N. University Ave., Provo, 801-373-8000, communalrestaurant.com

AWARD WINNING INDIAN CUISINE

Hector’s

Award Winning Donuts

Log Haven

705 S. 700 E. | (801) 537-1433

AUTHENTIC MEXICAN FOOD & Fresh Nayarit Style Seafood

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145 E. 1300 S.

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The century-old log mansion in Millcreek Canyon that’s home to Log Haven is known for its beautiful ambiance and fine dining, and as one of Utah’s premier destinations for weddings and other special events.

With impressive indoor and outdoor venues and surrounding foliage, there’s romance in the air at Log Haven, which feels like another world just minutes away. 6451 E. Millcreek Canyon Road, Salt Lake City, 801-272-8255, log-haven.com

INDIAPALACEUTAH.COM 1086 WEST SOUTH JORDAN PARKWAY (10500 S.) #111 | 801.302.0777

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The Salt Lake Valley let out a collective wail of mourning when Hector’s announced it would no longer serve its unparalleled Mexican grub 24 hours a day, and instead close its doors at a reasonable hour of the night. Although you can’t get your smothered burrito fix in the early light of dawn anymore, Hector’s still stands at the pinnacle of local Mexican takeout and is the go-to for customers of all walks of life. For a meal on the go, there’s no wrong choice, though the carnitas torta is a definite must-try. 2901 S. 3300 East, Salt Lake City, 801-487-3850

FEBRUARY 16, 2017 | 27

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A sampler of Ted Scheffler’s reviews

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Owners/chefs/partners Mike Blocher, Nick Fahs and David Barboza are out to debunk the notion of “too many chefs” in the kitchen. From the towering original wood-barrel ceiling to the modern, largely black-and-white color scheme, this eatery has loads of visual appeal. The menu is pricey, but the chefs’ tasting menu seems to be a downright steal—only available for the full table, but priced at $55 for a five-course tasting with an available vegetarian option. I highly recommend the tartare made with Morgan Valley lamb; chefs here use very lean, highquality minced raw lamb and serve it with carrots and hints of Worcestershire. The Jones Creek boneless New York steak—served on a brown plate with potato and black garlic latke and charred, browned zucchini—wasn’t too eye-pleasing, but the steak was cooked perfectly medium-rare, and the crispy latke was a welcome change from the ubiquitous mashed spuds most places serve. Desserts are anything but routine, featuring items like a pumpkin parfait with Drake Family Farm goat cheese yogurt and maple crunch. I’ll be watching to see how this bold new restaurant evolves. Reviewed Dec. 1. 1457 E. 3350 South, Salt Lake City, 385-528-3712, tablexrestaurant.com

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FILM REVIEW

Alienation Building

CINEMA

BY SCOTT RENSHAW scottr@cityweekly.net @scottrenshaw

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NEW THIS WEEK

Dane DeHaan in A Cure for Wellness

The Game (1997) Michael Douglas Sean Penn Rated R

The Ring (2002) Naomi Watts Martin Henderson Rated PG-13

THE SALESMAN BBB.5 Asghar Farhadi’s previous features have established him so definitively as one of world cinema’s greatest dramatists that it’s slightly jarring when one of his stories seems only really good, rather than transcendent. It’s the tale of two married actors, Emad (Shahab Hosseini) and Rana (Taraneh Alidoosti), whose relationship is strained first by being forced to move out of their apartment, then by an incident at their new apartment where Rana is apparently accosted by an intruder. The action is framed by their production of Death of a Salesman, and there are certainly levels on which that provides for some subtext about a man trying to maintain his dignity. But the meat of Farhadi’s familiar brand of morality play rests on cultural ideas of shame and victim-blaming which sadly seem just as fitting in America, building to a confrontation that’s more about vengeance than justice. It might not be as devastating a portrait of selfishness and moral failure as masterpieces like About Elly and A Separation, but it’s still a potent story of how much a man is willing to destroy simply to preserve his sense that he’s still a man. Opens Feb. 17 at Broadway Centre Cinemas. (NR)—Scott Renshaw

FEBRUARY 16, 2017 | 29

The Road to Wellville (1994) Anthony Hopkins Matthew Broderick Rated R

THE GREAT WALL [not yet reviewed] 11th-century European mercenaries join with native Chinese to defend against invading monsters. Opens Feb. 17 at theaters valleywide. (PG-13)

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BB.5 Dane DeHaan Jason Isaacs Mia Goth Rated R

FIST FIGHT [not yet reviewed] A fired teacher (Ice Cube) challenges the co-worker who got him in trouble (Charlie Day) to a last-day-of-school brawl.

Opens Feb. 17 at theaters valleywide. (PG-13)

A CURE FOR WELLNESS

A CURE FOR WELLNESS BB.5 See review, left. Opens Feb. 17 at theaters valleywide. (R)

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complicated than all of that, including the identity of the mysterious, childlike young woman named Hannah (Mia Goth) who stares down from the castle walls and hums unsettling tunes. “Overly complicated” seems to be an approach Verbinski finds hard to avoid, as this movie joins the Pirates of the Caribbean sequels and The Lone Ranger as sprawling stories that laugh in the face of narrative efficiency. The mythology gets more complicated by the minute, until the resolution begins to test the limits of when a viewer will say, “No, seriously, that’s where you were going with this?”

And that’s not even touching on all the unpleasant places Verbinski and screenwriter Justin Haythe go in the second half: dental torture, forced ingestion of disgusting substances, rape, incest and generally the kind of material average viewers are unlikely to applaud. A Cure for Wellness might have slipped a lesson about modern life into its sinister setting, but instead opts for bloated, operatic Grand Guignol. There’s never a dull moment on the way to ticket-buyers scurrying unhappily toward the exits. CW

2017 ACADEMY AWARD NOMINATED DOCUMENTARY SHORTS BBBB Three of the five short documentaries nominated this year are chapters in the same story: the Syrian refugee exodus.

4.1 Miles is an absolutely shattering vérité look at the Greek coast guard as they pluck refugees from the waters between their home island of Lesbos and the Turkish mainland nearby. The White Helmets introduces us to the members of a volunteer rescue squad in Aleppo, running into damaged buildings to pull out survivors. Amazing men doing incredibly dangerous work, they are genuine in the belief that the lives of their neighbors as just as valuable as their own.

Watani: My Homeland is comparatively cheerful, following one family’s refugee odyssey from ruined Aleppo to a small town in Germany. Also nominated: the aching and precarious Extremis, in which doctors struggle with the ethics of end-oflife treatment in an intensive care unit; and Joe’s Violin, the only truly feel-good nominee, about the power of music and the unlikely friendship of a Holocaust survivor and the schoolgirl to whom he donates his beloved musical instrument.

Opens Feb. 17 at Tower Theatre. (NR)—MaryAnn Johanson

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never to return. When Lockhart arrives at the “wellness center” run by Dr. Vollmer (Jason Isaacs), he finds an almost cult-like atmosphere, along with a creepy history of the castle location.

Creepiness is a vibe director Gore Verbinski can manage well—he directed the first American iteration of The Ring—and he sets the stage with a handful of arresting shots, like an empty room full of glowing computer terminals, and an image playing off the mirrored surface of a European train. The production design is a top-to-bottom delight in A Cure for Wellness, employing ominous hospital corridors and steampunk-y isolation tanks for a sense of dilapidated menace, populated by patrons and staff members all dressed in crisp institutional white. There’s almost never a moment when the images on screen aren’t fascinating to look at.

Eventually, however, there’s the notinconsequential matter of what A Cure for Wellness is ultimately about, and that’s where things get messy. Initially, it promises to use its solve-the-mystery structure to explore the contemporary “disease” of power-mad careerism, given a touch of David Fincher’s The Game via Lockhart’s history of following in the footsteps of his suicidal father. Will Vollmer turn out to be the villain of this story, or its hero, addressing the existential blackhole in the lives of his wealthy clientele? How does this remote, no-cell-phone-service mountain hideaway fit into a world of perpetual faces-staring-at-screens anxiety?

It’s no spoiler to state that A Cure for Wellness turns out to be considerably more

TRY THESE Coma (1978) Geneviève Bujold Michael Douglas Rated PG

CLIPS

Information is correct at press time. Film release schedules are subject to change.

A Cure for Wellness brings operatic craziness sure to irritate audiences.

here’s a temptation, for those who write about movies for a living, to anticipate the commercial prospects of movies before they are released. This is usually a fool’s errand; anyone who believes they know exactly what will be a hit and what will be a flop should be in a far more lucrative career than film criticism.

Nevertheless, occasionally it’s hard to resist reaching the end of a movie and immediately applying years of experience to predicting a general audience’s reaction. Such was the case with A Cure for Wellness, and my prediction went something like this: “People are going to hate this movie.”

It’s important to emphasize the distinction between such a prediction and my own feelings about the film. Indeed, a whole lot of what makes it occasionally fascinating— or, at the very least, lurid fun—is exactly what seems like the result of a computer program designed to create something that will earn a C- CinemaScore. But A Cure for Wellness is also frustrating in part of what it promises, yet doesn’t deliver. If you’re going to make a freaky, bizarre amalgam of allegory, morality play and body horror, it’s best to let people know in advance that’s exactly what they’re in for.

Not that the opening minutes don’t make it clear that something sinister is going on.

From a prologue set amid forbidding skyscrapers set against slate-grey skies, the story transitions to a financial services company whiz-kid named Lockhart (Dane DeHaan) who may have cut a few regulatory corners to seal his latest deal. His bosses use that slip-up to blackmail him into a strange assignment: retrieving the company’s CEO, Pembroke (Harry Groener), from the exclusive Swiss spa from which he has sent a message, claiming that he intends

CINEMA

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TONI ERDMANN BBBB There’s a level on which Maren Ade’s comedy sets up like a familiar American high-concept premise: the workaholic who learns What Really Matters. But there’s more than that twisting its way through the central relationship between Ines (Sandra Hüller), a Bucharest-based consultant, and her eccentric, practical jokeloving father Winfried (Peter Simonischek), who visits her while often disguised as his alter-ego, Toni Erdmann. Their relationship takes on a unique dynamic from the outset—Ines plays along to a surprising degree, and her frustration when it does manifest itself isn’t outsized outrage—as Ade refuses to over-simplify this as the tale of a tight-ass who just needs to loosen up. Plenty of credit for that goes to Hüller, whose performance is beautifully restrained even in the movie’s two biggest comedic set pieces— including a dead-earnest karaoke performance of “The Greatest Love of All”—which easily could have been played over the top.

It’s a surprisingly complex portrayal of a messy father-daughter relationship, one that’s funny and sweet and not easy to pin down, right up to and including the final shot, which adds another magnificent touch of melancholy. Opens Feb. 17 at Broadway Centre Cinemas. (R)—SR

SPECIAL SCREENINGS

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BURDEN At Utah Museum of Fine Arts, Feb. 22, 7 p.m. (NR) CLOSET MONSTER At Main Library, Feb. 16, 7 p.m. (NR) IT HAPPENED ONE NIGHT At Main Library, Feb. 22, 2 p.m. (NR)

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THE KID At Edison Street Events, Feb. 16-17, 7:30 p.m. (NR) LION Park City Film Series, Feb. 17-18, 8 p.m.; Feb. 19, 6 p.m. (PG-13)

THEY CALL US MONSTERS At Main Library, Feb. 21, 7 p.m. (NR)

CURRENT RELEASES THE LEGO BATMAN MOVIE BBB.5 Like the improbably delightful The LEGO Movie, this spinoff—with Batman (Will Arnett) as an emotionally isolated mess facing the latest plot by Joker (Zach Galifianakis)—combines a child’s anarchic sense of play with a savvy grown-up sense of humor. Once again the story is an intellectual property free-for-all, as a cavalcade of villains from King Kong to Voldemort become part of the climactic battle. And it’s worth an additional star rating simply for the sick shade thrown at the DC cinematic universe. Most impressively, it finds a PG way to make a story out of Batman’s trademark brooding loneliness—and if it’s perhaps not as perfect a complement to the LEGO brand as the original movie’s celebration of unfettered creativity, it’s still inventive enough to make “LEGO Cinematic Universe” feel like a promise instead of a threat. (PG)—SR FIFTY SHADES DARKER B Fifty Shades of Grey fans can rest easy, as new director James Foley seems committed to preserving the atmosphere of flavorless tedium and unsexy smut established by Sam Taylor-Johnson (and presumably E.L. James’ novels). This time, bland billionaire Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) persuades spineless Anastasia (Dakota Johnson) to be his girlfriend again by promising to keep the sex “vanilla.” When he immediately starts acting possessive, she identifies this as a problem, but stays with him. Why? Dunno. The film has numerous potentially juicy subplots, including encounters with the woman (Kim Basinger) who Mrs. Robinson’d Christian years ago and with one of his previous submissives (Bella Heathcote), but each time conflict arises, it is hastily, tidily resolved.

For a movie about intense emotions, it’s curiously flat. Oh, and they have sex. It’s nothing special. (R)—Eric D. Snider

I AM NOT YOUR NEGRO BBB.5 So sprawling is director Raoul Peck’s subject matter—nothing less than the history of black people in America—that his uniquely sprawling approach is easy to justify. The ostensible framework is the text written by author James Baldwin (narrated here by Samuel L. Jackson) as the preliminary notes for a work on the lives of Martin Luther King, Medgar Evers and Malcom X, and Peck sets those brilliant, incendiary words to fascinating archival footage exploring everything from the civil rights movement to portrayals of AfricanAmericans in the media. Yet he also includes fascinating footage of Baldwin himself, in appearances on TV talk shows and at lectures, delivering the same scathing perspective in an uncompromising voice.

Most compelling of all, Peck incorporates images from more contemporary events like controversial police violence against AfricanAmericans, making it horrifyingly clear how little has changed in the decades since Baldwin wrote. The combination is a generally thrilling documentary creation that feels like living history, a warning shouted to us by Baldwin from beyond the grave that “the story of the Negro in America is the story of America; it is not a pretty story.” (NR)—SR

JOHN WICK CHAPTER 2 BBB.5 The 2014 debut of reluctantly un-retired hit man supreme John Wick (Keanu Reeves) was rightly celebrated for its beautifully brutal action, but its sequel is welcome thanks largely to its intricately crafted backstory. This time around, Wick is forced to take on an assignment as repayment of an old debt, immersing him once again in the brutal world he’d tried to escape. Director Chad Stahelski once more offers a dizzying buffet of fight sequences, ranging from the poetically ridiculous to the hilariously sublime. Yet as viscerally satisfying as those moments are, the Wick-iverse gets more of its energy from the world he inhabits, including New York City’s homeless as a secret army of assassins. Even though the set-up here offers less of an emotional hook, there’s nothing quite like a kick-ass spectacle built on a foundation of creative weirdness. (R)—SR

PATERSON BBBB Paterson (Adam Driver) is a New Jersey bus driver who carries a lunchpail to work, has a beer at the end of the day—and writes poetry. For writer/director Jim Jarmusch, there’s no incongruity in the addition of that last fact, which is key to the movie’s low-key gloriousness. It’s structured in a manner designed to emphasize the sameness of Paterson’s days, yet that structure also draws attention to unique details Paterson notices, and turns into art.

Driver conveys that watchfulness in a performance that’s introspective, but far from deadpan. He also sells the delightful love story with his wife Laura (Golshifteh Farahani), a portrait of how art blossoms best in the presence of people who support it. For Jarmusch, the work of artistic creation deserves as much respect as the blue-collar work of driving a bus. (R)—SR

more than just movies at brewvies

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THE OTHER GUYS At Brewvies, Feb. 20, 10 p.m. (R)

FILM • FOOD • NEIGHBORHOOD BAR SHOWING: FEBRUARY 17TH - FEBRUARY 23RD MONDAY 20TH

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MARS ATTACKS (1996)

50 SHADES DARKER

FIST FIGHT

677 S. 200 W. SLC • BREWVIES.COM • 21+ • CALL FOR SCOTTY’S SHOWTIMES & SPIEL @ 355.5500

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BY B I L L F RO S T @bill_frost

Baby, One Meh Time

TV

Britney Ever After is cheap and unnecessary; Billions is back.

Britney Ever After Saturday, Feb. 18 (Lifetime)

The Good Fight Sunday, Feb. 19 (CBS)

Big Little Lies Sunday, Feb. 19 (HBO)

Series Debut: Writer/producer David E. Kelley came back hard last year with Amazon Prime’s Goliath, a standard

Tolerable Toxic legal drama juiced with tight scripting and star power. Big Little Lies doubles-down on the big names (Reese Witherspoon, Nicole Kidman, Laura Dern and Shailene Woodley, among several others), if not the writing. This could have easily been condensed from a seven-hour nonsensical series into a 90-minute nonsensical movie. The pretty, rich white folk of pretty, rich Monterey and their pretty, rich white kids of pretty, rich Otter Bay Elementary are embroiled in a who-among-us-done-it? murder mystery, impacting their daily lives of back-biting, gossiping and screwing (the parents, not the kiddies) and … who cares?

The actors work their tiny, toned asses off, but Kelley’s cliché-soaked plot devices can’t be overcome.

Billions Sunday, Feb. 19 (Showtime)

Season Premiere: The battle between semi-shady New York hedge-fund billionaire Bobby “Axe” Axelrod (Damien Lewis) and frothily dogged U.S. Attorney Chuck Rhoades (Paul Giamatti) continues—cue the all-caps ACTING! Billions is dropping its second season of Big Money v. Big Law in a real-life political climate with eerie mirrors, though Bobby might not be as untouchable as the Cheeto in Chief: Chuck now has a smarter game plan in mind, while Bobby’s longtime ally—and Chuck’s wife—Wendy (Maggie Siff) has walked away from the men’s Season 1 wreckage,

The Detour Tuesday, Feb. 21 (TBS)

Season Premiere: In its debut season last year, The Detour took its National Lampoon’s Vacation inspiration and exploded it into countless directions over 10 half-hours as new weirdness about harried couple Nate and Robin (Jason Jones and Natalie Zea) was revealed in every episode. The road trip might be over, but Season 2 builds on last year’s cliffhanger revelation about Robin’s mysterious past by moving the family to Manhattan and introducing a new crop of guest stars to clash against (including John Oliver, Laura Benanti, James Cromwell and Jones’ wife/ Detour co-creator Samantha Bee). I’ve already repeatedly told you to Hulu Season 1 … and now I am again.

Listen to Frost Mondays at 8 a.m. on X96 Radio From Hell, and on the TV Tan podcast via Stitcher, iTunes, Google Play and billfrost.tv.

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WITH

and Bobby’s heretofore loyal wife Lara (Malin Ackerman) might be next. It’s a soapy, twisting power struggle that, while not quite as unpredictable as current reality, digs its hooks in hard.

Dream Home FIND YOUR NEXT

Britney Ever After (Lifetime)

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Series Debut: Remember how great The Good Wife was?

Wasn’t Julianna Margulies awesome? And Archie Punjabi, Alan Cumming, Josh Charles and Jeffrey Dean Morgan? So how about a spinoff with none of those stars, on a pay-perstream platform you’ve never heard of? Here’s The Good Fight! CBS’ $5.99/$9.99-per-month All Access streamer was supposed to be good ’n’ launched by now with Star Trek Discovery, but that’s been pushed back to a star date in a galaxy far, far away. The Good Fight finds Wife attorney Diane Lockhart (Christine Baranski) starting over at another Chicago law firm and … I’m already asleep. Regular TV is already clogged-up with legal dramas and Chicago procedurals; no one needs to pay extra for another.

Tremendous

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Movie: As a musical artist, Britney Spears made a decent pop icon. She barely contributed to the writing of any her own music, and her singing is at maybe a semi-pro karaoke level. Her perpetual “comebacks” and attempts at being “edgy” are as laughable as they are tiresome. But! To a generation of young women, Spears is still as important as Madonna was a decade prior (side note: Madge, it’s time to give it up … seriously). A Lifetime biopic was inevitable, so here’s Britney Ever After, a cheap flick that stinks of rushjob non-urgency and, blech, Canada (production began just five months ago in Vancouver). Since Spears’ entire life and career have been over-documented in the media, there are no new revelations in Britney Ever After, other than a sad reminder that Kevin Federline was once a thing.

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Dada’s 1992 debut asks many questions, provides one answer.

BY RANDY HARWARD rharward@cityweekly.net

O

n the strength of its anthemic, jangly single “Dizz Knee Land,” Puzzle—the 1992 debut of Los Angeles alt-rock trio Dada—sold more than half a million units. But it was gold before it sold a single copy.

It’s easy to see why the song was a hit. The call-and-response couplet lyrics referred to a popular Disney commercial in which someone asks, “Hey, Joe Montana! You just won the Super Bowl—what’re you gonna do now?” To which, Montana replied, “I’m going to Disneyland!” Dada turned the catchphrase on its head, applying preMorrisette (read: actual) irony to illuminate its silliness. What rich football player really goes to Disneyland after winning the Super Bowl? How/why do ordinary people, whose personal victories and bank balances pale compared to Montana’s, relate to this marketing hogwash?

In Dada’s song, a real regular Joe recites a litany of deeds: running away from home, crashing the car (again), robbing a grocery store, flipping off the president, tossing a fifth of gin, getting cuffed again, shooting a gun into the night, watching a good man die and getting kicked out of school. After each, singer-bassist Joie Calio intones, “I’m going to Dizz Knee Land”—first in the pensive voice of a wayward soul, then working up to the defiant shout of an idealistic iconoclast. This, while singer-guitarist Michael Gurley’s brilliant but simple riff does likewise, starting thoughtful on two lightly distorted strings, intensifying with dirty double-stop bends and then culminating in the bright, triumphant ring of a six-string open chord.

Wayward Joe’s voice, though, is curiously similar to our own because we all feel like winners trapped inside losers. That’s what Puzzle articulates so well.

I recall the night I finally tracked down a copy of Puzzle. Sitting in a mall parking lot, I ripped away the cellophane and jammed the cassette into my tape deck, hoping Dada’s 11 other songs spoke similarly. The first 50 seconds of “Dorina” consist of Calio’s pumping, rumbling bass and drummer Phil Leavitt’s metronomic beat driving beneath a bluesy, noir-ish solo from Gurley, who sings this tale of a Bukowski barfly haunted by a “pretty little ghost.”

The song flips between moody verses where Calio sings a spectral “oooo-ooooooo-oooo-oooooo” in the background and Gurley rides his whammy bar to create his own ghostly moans, to manic instrumental freak-outs where Gurley really throttles his Stratocaster.

As opening numbers go, “Dorina” is a doozy. You experience a survivor’s tortured existence, where wistful daydreams are constantly interrupted by a waking nightmare. The conflicting emotional tones should make a confusing opening salvo. But as the cassette reels spun, Dada, a trio of jazz-caliber musicians, proved shockingly adept at telling satisfying, cinematic stories with words and music. With each successive song, you become immersed in a world where the characters’ plights seem ripped from your subconscious.

In the spacy rocker “Mary Sunshine Rain,” a guy come to grips with the fact that a beguiling woman whose affections came and went with the weather appears gone for good. The airy, bucolic “Dog” waxes existential and philosophizes about the afterlife, leading into “Dizz Knee Land,” then giving way to “Surround”—

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Deconstructing Puzzle

Left to right: Dada band members Joie Calio, Phil Leavitt and Michael Gurley more pining for a lost love, whose imprint is everywhere. The paisley acid trip “Here Today, Gone Tomorrow” revisits the wayward self-styled iconoclast on a surreal, existential road-trip from the celluloid dreams of Alex Cox and Trent Harris, and goes on to score with a kindred spirit—who could easily be Ms. Sunshine Rain—in the swinging rave-up “Posters.”

In the profoundly sad, orchestrally enhanced “Timothy,” we encounter a Steinbeck-ian character, a spiritual sibling to Suzanne Vega’s “Luka,” who hides the sad truth about his drunk dad and beleaguered mother in a string of grandiose lies. The carefree “Dim” finds its protagonist seeing the bright side of a rent relationship, asking only that she leave a picture on her way out. The funky “Who You Are” glorifies a woman—a muse—more desirable than all your favorite things. “Puzzle” goes on another moody midnight drive, exploring the cognitive dissonance of a failing relationship.

Finally, “Moon” ends the album on a righteous bummer, meditating on that moment when you realize you had a chance to fix everything wrong with your life but you didn’t take it.

Puzzle is an emotional rollercoaster. The songs are sincere and vivid, evoking a spectrum of emotions, asking questions and providing no answers. But in doing so, they make one overarching statement: Life is a puzzle, a series of queries destined to go unanswered, but we continue to ask anyway. Along the way, we encounter crazy characters and mine them for insights, only to find they’re no more enlightened than we are. So we make our choices and live with them, for better or worse, and try to have a good time in spite of things. Speaking of which: What time does Dizz Knee Land open? CW

DADA

w/ Burn Atlas Wednesday, Feb. 22, 8 p.m.

Metro Music Hall 615 W. 100 South 801-784-3278 $20 presale, $25 day of show 21+ metromusichall.com

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Burnin’ for You

Ogden blues-rockers Pinetop Inferno release debut EP.

BY RANDY HARWARD rharward@cityweekly.net

S

ometimes a band’s name is enough for me to know I’ll like them. More than a year ago, while proofing the music listings, the name “Pinetop Inferno” jumped off the page. I loved what the words implied: “Pinetop” refers to the buds or shoots of a pine tree, which can be used to make a medicinal tea or whiskey—both good for what ails ya. It also evokes the blues (see Pinetop Perkins, Clarence “Pine Top” Smith), which is also anodyne. As for “Inferno,” it conjures imagery of death, destruction, hell—or just good ol’ rock ’n’ roll.

I wrote the name down on a sticky note, intending to look them up later. I put the note in my pants pocket. Then I washed those pants. Hence, why it took so long for me to get to this high table at the Barbary Coast, to chat with Ryan Hawthorn, one of the Ogden-based band’s two frontmen.

Only a week ago, I finally remembered to google Pinetop Inferno. The first video, from the YouTube channel CheckOneCheckTwo, was just Hawthorn and keyboard player Jason Vaughn performing “Six Feet in the Ground.”

Before they played a note, Hawthorn’s and Vaughn’s unassuming damn-glad-to-behere demeanor had already won me over.

Then Hawthorn counted them in by stomping on his porchboard, and he played a nasty riff on his acoustic guitar—which Vaughn doubled on the bass end of his ebonies and ivories. I went full Muppet, stomping along at my desk and head-banging—to a blues song.

Or was it rock?

Relaying this to Hawthorn while we down our pints, I tell him the riff reminds me of the Kiss song “Shock Me.” That’s perfect, Hawthorn says, “because my first album was Kiss’ Rock and Roll Over.” (Dude. What?

That was my first album. High-fuckin’-five.)

Hawthorn, 45, bought his copy at age 8 using “money from my mission fund.” He goes on to say he’s hugely influenced by ’70s hard rock and metal, like Kiss and early Black

Left to right: Devon Lewis, Jason Vaughn, Ryan Bassett, Ryan Hawthorn and Bobby Gilgert

Sabbath, “so that’s probably subconsciously linked to some of that stuff.”

Since rock ’n’ roll is rooted in the blues, that was his gateway to it. But he loves both.

“I need to kill that stuff on YouTube and put these versions up there,” he says, gesturing to the cardboard sleeve of Pinetop Inferno’s eponymous, Mike Sasich-produced debut album. The first track, as it happens, is “Six Feet in the Ground.” But this time, Pinetop Inferno’s at full power, with Devon Lewis (vocals, guitar, saxophone), Ryan Bassett (bass) and Bobby Gilgert (drums) joining Hawthorn and Vaughn. The fullband electric version of the song rocks even harder and sounds even more similar to Kiss (minus, of course, the pomp).

It’s not a hard rock album, though.

Hawthorn is quick to point out that, although he formed Pinetop Inferno around his own tunes, Lewis—with whom Hawthorn has played in a blues band for years—wrote and sings two tracks; “Abandoned” and “The Hitcher” both rock, but they’re more akin to Widespread Panic’s Southern gothic jamblues. And Hawthorn’s “I’m Here for You” dips a toe in heartland rock and soul, and maybe jump blues. No matter what you call it, though, these songs just have to smoke live, and Pinetop Inferno is prepared to play out more this year. “We’ve been told that we set the stage on fire,” Hawthorn says. “It’s not that we get wild on stage, but the music gets wild on its own. Nobody’s jumpin’ around or bustin’ up guitars or anything.

But it’s rock ’n’ roll.”

He concedes, though, that blues is the through-line, and it breeds a communal vibe, fostering unity through music.

“There’s a little bit of a universal idea there that people can relate to,” Hawthorn says. In that sense, Pinetop Inferno is some kinda musical snake oil—a balm you can pour on a poultice and stick where it hurts. CW

PINETOP INFERNO ALBUM RELEASE

w/ Dan Weldon Friday, Feb. 17, 9:30 p.m.

Brewskis 244 25th St. 801-394-1713 $5, 21+ brewskisonline.net

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It once seemed surprising that an unassuming Scotch-English folkie like Al Stewart would end up with a mega Top 40 hit, given an early musical style that so closely tapped traditional templates.

Nevertheless, when it was released in July 1976, Stewart’s seventh album Year of the Cat (RCA) and its title track—with those infectious guitar and sax solos—made this unassuming singer-songwriter a household name. But Cat wasn’t even Stewart’s best work. That distinction goes to its predecessors Past, Present and Future (1973) and Modern Times (1975, both on CBS Records), a pair of ambitious song cycles flush with historical references. Cat went platinum and so did its follow-up, Time Passages (which had a title hit of its own), and he continued to release new music every few years and tour. This time around, he’s rejoined by his longtime guitarist Peter White, who debuted on Year of the Cat. That should please Stewart’s devoted and cultish fan base. (Lee Zimmerman) The Egyptian Theatre, 328 Main, Park City, 8 p.m. (6 p.m. Sunday), $29-$60, egyptiantheatrecompany.org

FRIDAY 2.17

L.A. Guns with Tracii Guns & Phil Lewis

Although they packed serious firepower, L.A. Guns didn’t make as big of a commercial bang as their Sunset Strip peers in Poison, Ratt and Faster Pussycat. Sure, founder/guitar ace Tracii Guns put the “Guns” in Guns N’ Roses, and the flowery part of that band’s name came from Axl Rose, who was L.A. Guns’ second singer.

L.A. Guns

LORI STOLL

Al Stewart, Peter White

L.A. Guns’ first two albums (1988’s raw, sinewy L.A. Guns and 1989’s ragged, slightly commercial Cocked & Loaded) did go gold, and they got a lot of radio and MTV mileage with “Never Enough” and “The Ballad of Jayne.” They also toured with a slew of genre heavyweights, including Skid Row and Def Leppard. You might attribute the latter tour to singer Phil Lewis having played with Def Lep guitarist Phil Collen in the early ’80s hard rock band Girl. Except sleazy, snotty L.A. Guns—with their fierce cuts, Guns’ guitar pyrotechnics and general badassery—made a great opening act. Those who got it got it, and those who didn’t anticipated the headliners more. When I saw them open for Def Lep at the Salt Palace in ’88, Guns shot a loogie 10 feet above his head and caught it in his mouth—while playing. For some of the uninitiated, that confirmed their distaste for the band. The rest of us bought the album. This tour finds Guns and Lewis—the band’s classic-era frontguy—reunited after years of touring in competing versions of L.A. Guns.

Al Stewart Horns up for “Malaria!” (Randy Harward) Liquid Joe’s, 1249 E. 3300 South, 7 p.m., $17 presale, $20 day of show, 21+, liquidjoes.net

Lotus

Long-running Indiana electronic jam quintet Lotus is intentionally slippery, mixing a wide variety of styles into one that’s all their own, and wearing those myriad influences proudly. Still, some critics tend to classify Lotus as just a jam band— and the group’s shows can reinforce that notion. But on their dozen-plus releases, they construct concise tunes that rarely meander despite being exploratory musical excursions. Lately, they’ve mixed in elements of progressive and math-rock and, as usual, somehow the disparate threads all come together and the whole thing works.

(Bill Kopp) Park City Live, 427 Main, 8 p.m., $22-$45, 21+, parkcitylive.net

Lotus

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36 | FEBRUARY 16, 2017

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SATURDAY 2.18 Storm Large

These days, artists who emerge through competitive reality shows are as plentiful as they are vilified. Cabaret singer Storm Large took the notoriety she gained on the show Rock Star: Supernova in 2006 to spawn a multifaceted career over the ensuing decade. After a residency in her adopted hometown of Portland, she connected with some bigger names in the biz—singer-songwriters k.d. lang, John Doe and Rufus Wainwright, as well as funk legend George Clinton and classicalpop-lounge group Pink Martini. That’s not to mention numerous prestigious symphony orchestras, with whom she’s performed at the Kennedy Center, Carnegie Hall and other noteworthy venues here and abroad. Add her success in musical theater, film and recording, and a memoir that earned nods from Oprah’s Book of the Week Club and an Oregon Book Award, and Storm looms large as a true renaissance woman. (LZ) Eccles Center for the Performing Arts, 1750 Kearns Blvd., Park City, 7:30 p.m., $29-$79, ecclescenter.org

32 Exchange Place • 801-322-3200 www.twistslc.com • 11:00am-1:00am

Thundercat

Storm Large

TUESDAY 2.21 Thundercat

Thundercat, ho! Stephen “Thundercat” Bruner is a full-on music and pop culture geek, hence his stage name—and his crazy eclectic albums and résumé. His four releases span soul, funk, electronica, jazz fusion and even lite-FM classic rock—the upcoming Drunk (Brainfeeder, Feb. 24), boasts guest turns by Kenny Loggins and Michael McDonald. The upshot is a squishy, rubbery, futuristic funk that’s a blast for anyone within earshot. As if that wasn’t enough, the dude appears on more than a couple dozen albums by 17 other artists. A sparse sampling: Bruner sings and plays bass on albums by fellow eclectician Flying Lotus (with whom he’s working on a collaborative album) and hip-hop act Childish Gambino (he also produced CG’s Because the Internets), and he played bass with punk-metal band Suicidal Tendencies for nine years. True to geek form, Bruner releases Drunk in a variety of formats, including a super-collectible four-platter, red wax, lift-off box edition.

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THURSDAY 2.16

For decades, Kate MacLeod has been one of the foremost faces in the local folk/bluegrass scene, with her crystalline vocals and guitar and fiddle playing, which is individualistic and deeply rooted in tradition. She adds her own stylistic flair to songs by the Carter Family and others, and finds talented peers in the genre, like Laurie Lewis and Mollie O’Brien. This Friday is her first performance at Brigham City’s Music in the City Concert Series. Multi-instrumentalist Mark Hazel, percussionist Bob Smith and Otter Creek— the duo of Mary and Peter Danzig—join her.

The trek up north just might prove the grass is bluer in Box Elder County. (Brian Staker) Brigham City Fine Arts Center, 58 S. 100 West, Brigham City, 8 p.m., $8-$12, bcfineartscenter.org

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David Bowie Tribute Night feat. Daisy & the Moonshines + Color Animal + Wren Kennedy + Telepanther + Major Tom & The Moonboys + DJ Nix Beat (The Urban Lounge) Folk Hogan (Funk ’n’ Dive Bar) Hell’s Bells (O.P. Rockwell) J.T. Draper (Garage on Beck) Adam Johnson + Eminent Sol + Johanna Johanna (The Royal Underground) Kris Lager Band (Cinnabar Lounge) Kate MacLeod + Mark Hazel + Bob Smith + Otter Creek (Brigham City Fine Arts Center) see p. 39 L.A. Guns w/ Tracii Guns & Phil Lewis (Liquid Joe’s) see p. 36 Lotus (Park City Live) see p. 36 The Motet (The State Room) Mozart’s Requiem (Abravanel Hall) Pinetop Inferno + Dan Weldon (Brewskis) see p. 34 Royal Bliss + Tim Cord (The Royal) Victor Menegaux (Downstairs) You Blew It! + Free Throw + All Get Out (Kilby Court)

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A-Mac DZ (The Lighthouse) Al Stewart w/ special guest guitarist Peter White (Egyptian Theatre) see p. 36 Alesana + For the Win + VS + Charlatan + Vesta Collide + Nate Lowpass (In the Venue) Crywolf (The Urban Lounge) Colt.46 (The Westerner) Dipped In Whiskey + Truce In Blood + Disngaged + Flesh Paddler + Outside Infinity (The Royal) Hell’s Bells (The State Room) Los Temerarios (The Complex) The Mindless (D&R Spirits) The Motet (O.P. Rockwell) Mozart’s Requiem (Abravanel Hall) Partygrass Band (The Cabin) Que Viva el Amor y el Corrido (Infinity Event Center) RKDN + Brogan Kelby (Kilby Court) Scarlet Cannery + I’m Alive + Esylium (The Loading Dock) Sego (Velour Live Music Gallery) The Spazmatics (Liquid Joes) Storm Large (Eccles Center) see p. 38

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE DJ Handsome Hands (Bourbon House)

CITY WEEKLY’S HOT LIST FOR THE WEEK DJ Latu (The Green Pig) DJ Sat-One (Downstairs) Dueling Pianos (The Tavernacle) Valentine’s Day Bazaar (Kamikazes)

SUNDAY 2.19 LIVE MUSIC

A-Mac DZ (Powder Mountain) Al Stewart w/ special guest guitarist Peter White (Egyptian Theatre) see p. 36 Los Lobos (The State Room) Not My President’s Day Show feat.

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DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE DJ Curtis Strange (Willie’s Lounge) DJ Juggy (Downstairs)

KARAOKE

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MONDAY 2.20 LIVE MUSIC

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David Halliday + The JVQ (Gracie’s) Open Blues Jam (The Green Pig) Open Mic (The Cabin)

KARAOKE

Bingo Karaoke (The Tavernacle)

TUESDAY 2.21 LIVE MUSIC

Alterbeast + Depths of Hatred + Aenimus + Aethere (The Loading Dock) Authority Zero (Club Elevate) Born of Osiris + Oceans Ate Alaska +

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Founded two decades ago in the college town of Chapel Hill, N.C., Milemarker established itself as a heady hybrid of punk and post-rock with electronic textures. The group’s often shouted unison vocals recall D.C. hardcore outfits like Fugazi, but a strong melodic sense pushes their sound back toward mainstream rock. Inventive use of synthesizers and effects—often battling for dominance with keening, distorted guitars and a thunderous rhythm section—gives the group a modern, forward-looking aesthetic. While quite prolific in their early days (1997-2005), they seemingly went inactive, resurfacing in 2008 for a dozen shows before going dark once more.

In 2015, the foursome surprised many with a new full-length record, the heavy and hypnotic Overseas (Lovitt), a reissue of their classic album Frigid Forms Sell and more shows. Atlanta dream-fuzzers Big Jesus and local “post-everything mathgaze” band Gloe open. (Bill Kopp) The Urban Lounge, 241 S. 500 East, 8 p.m., $12, 21+, theurbanloungeslc.com

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Alex & Sierra + John K. (The Complex) Dada + Burn Atlas (The Depot) see p. 32 The Hold Up & Katastro (Club Elevate) Knox Hamilton (The Canyons) Milemarker + Big Jesus + Gloe (The Urban Lounge) see above Russ (The Complex)

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Within the Ruins + Fire from the Gods (The Complex) The Joe McQueen Quartet (The Bourbon House) The Gontiks + Dysfunction + tot + The Celebrated (Kilby Court) Russ (The Complex) Thundercat (The Urban Lounge) see p. 38

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CROSSWORD PUZZLE

Š 2016

CRISIS

BY DAVID LEVINSON WILK

ACROSS

| CITY WEEKLY |

FEBRUARY 16, 2017 | 43

UDOKU

No math is involved. The grid has numbers, but nothing has to add up to anything else. Solve the puzzle with reasoning and logic. Solving time is typically 10 to 30 minutes, depending on your skill and experience.

Last week’s answers

| MUSIC | CINEMA | DINING | A&E | NEWS |

1. Buddy from back in the day 2. It may come before the end of a sentence 3. Checked (out) 4. "____ to you" ("Your call") 5. Dorothy's dog 6. Dog's warning 7. Grp. that brought Colbert to Baghdad 8. Pitching legend for whom a yearly pitching award is named 9. Visa offering 10. In bed, maybe 11. Ginger ____

50. Largest blood vessel 51. "Old MacDonald Had a Farm" sound 53. Cartoon collectibles 54. Word after Iron or Stone 55. Ashes holder 56. Patel of "Slumdog Millionaire" 57. "Who am ____ judge?"

59. Mother's Day indulgence 60. Up to, briefly

Complete the grid so that each row, column, diagonal and 3x3 square contain all of the numbers 1 to 9.

DOWN

12. Be flat 13. NFL season opening mo.

18. Kissing in a crowd, e.g., in brief 22. "Well, look what we have here!"

24. A great deal 25. "Comin' through loud and clear" 26. Minor hits?

27. 1997 Peter Fonda title role 28. Cooking fat 29. Sports ____ 31. Likely result of failing a Breathalyzer test, briefly 33. Original "American Idol" judge with Randy and Paula 34. Seemingly expressing 36. Parachute part 37. 1950s TV's "The Martha ____ Show" 38. Wiener schnitzel meat 39. Yikes!"

40. Reagan-era missile shield plan, in brief 43. "Fee, ____, foe, fum" 45. String ____ 46. Musical technique builders 47. Soft, white mineral often used to make drywall 49. Unpolished

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1. Photo ____ (media events) 4. One providing assistance after a crash 9. Cockpit features 14. Fond du ____, Wis. 15. Many a broken statue 16. Kemper who plays Kimmy in "Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt" 17. Moons 19. [unmentionable] 20. Hall & Oates, e.g.

21. "There's ____ in 'team'" 23. Take ____ of faith 24. It did the cooking in the original 1963 Easy-Bake Oven 30. Was ahead 31. "Why did I do that?!"

32. Like some migraines 33. Brown, in a way 35. "It's the end of ____!"

36. Exclamation of relief that's warranted four times in this puzzle 40. "Same goes for me" 41. Orchestra section 42. Use a towel 44. Jabber 45. More than just ask 48. Impossible to tell apart 50. Good relations 52. Opposite of 'neath 53. Concoct 54. Q5 and Q7 58. Classic 1980s arcade game 61. Screen legend Garbo 62. Like some proverbial milk 63. Opposite of old, in Germany 64. Diplomatic representative 65. It might be picante 66. Suffix with sex

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Go to realastrology.com for Rob Brezsny’s expanded weekly audio horoscopes and daily text-message horoscopes.

Audio horoscopes also available by phone at 877-873-4888 or 900-950-7700.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Here’s your mantra for the next three weeks: “I know what I want, and I know how to glide it into my life.” Say this out loud 11 times right after you wake up each morning, and 11 more times before lunch, and 11 more times at bedtime. “I know what I want, and I know how to glide it into my life.” Whenever you do this little chant, summon an upflow of smiling confidence—a serene certainty that no matter how long the magic might take, it will ultimately work. “I know what I want, and I know how to glide it into my life.” Don’t let any little voice in your head undermine your link to this simple truth. Lift your heart to the highest source of vitality you can imagine.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) “We cannot simply sit and stare at our wounds forever,” writes Japanese novelist Haruki Murakami. “We must stand up and move on to the next action.” That’s your slightly scolding but ultimately inspirational advice, Pisces. According to my astrological analysis, you have done heroic work to identify and investigate your suffering.

You have summoned a tremendous amount of intelligence in order to understand it and further the healing. But right now it’s time to turn your focus to other matters. Like what? How about rebirth?

ARIES (March 21-April 19) By my estimates, 72 percent of you Aries are in unusually good moods. The world seems friendlier, more cooperative. Fifty-six percent of you feel more in love with life than you have in a long time. You may even imagine that the birds and trees and stars are flirting with you. I’m also guessing that 14 percent of you are weaving in and out of being absurdly, deliriously happy, sometimes without any apparent explanation. As a result of your generosity of spirit, you may be the recipient of seemingly impossible rewards like free money or toasted ice cream or unconditional tenderness. And I bet that at least 10 percent of you are experiencing all of the above.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) Do you know about the long-running kids’ show Sesame Street?

Are you familiar with Big Bird, the talking eight-feet-tall yellow canary who’s one of the main characters? I hope so, because your horoscope is built around them. In the Sesame Street episode called Don’t Eat the Pictures, Big Bird solves a riddle that frees a 4,000-year-old Egyptian prince from an ancient curse. I think this vignette can serve as a model for your own liberation. How? You can finally outwit and outmaneuver a very old problem with the help of some playful, even child-like energy. Don’t assume that you’ve got to be relentlessly serious and dour in order to shed the ancient burden. In fact, just the opposite is true. Trust blithe and rowdy spirits.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) Your lessons in communication are reaching a climax. Here are five tips to help you do well on your “final exam.” 1. Focus more on listening for what you need to know rather than on expressing what you already know. 2. Keep white lies and convenient deceptions to a bare minimum. 3. Tell the truth as strong and free as you dare, but always—if possible—with shrewd kindness. 4. You are more likely to help your cause if you spread bright, shiny gossip instead of the grubby kind. 5. Experiment with being unpredictable; try to infuse your transmissions with unexpected information and turns of phrase.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) The meaning of the Latin phrase crambe repetita is “cabbage reheated, twice-cooked.” I urge you to avoid partaking of such a dish in the coming weeks, both literally and figuratively. If you’re truly hungry for cooked cabbage, eat it fresh. Likewise, if you have a ravenous appetite for stories, revelations, entertainment, and information—which I suspect you will—don’t accept the warmed-over, recycled variety. Insist on the brisk, crisp stuff that excites your curiosity and appeals to your sense of wonder.

FEBRUARY 16, 2017 | 45

CANCER (June 21-July 22) All naturally occurring matter on earth is composed of 92 basic elements arranged in various combinations. Since some of these appear in trace amounts, they took a long time for humans to discover. In the 18th and 19th centuries, chemists were exuberant when they tracked down seven of the 92 in a single location: an underground mine on the Swedish island of Ytterby. That small place was a mother lode. I’m predicting a metaphorically similar experience for you, Cancerian: new access to a concentrated source that will yield much illumination.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) The ancient Roman rhetorician Quintilian authored a 12-volume textbook on the art of oratory. As ample as it was, it could have been longer. “Erasure is as important as writing,” he said.

According to my reading of the astrological omens, that counsel should be a rewarding and even exciting theme for you in the coming weeks. For the long-term health of your labor of love or your masterpiece, you should focus for a while on what to edit out of it. How could you improve it by making it shorter and more concise?

| COMMUNITY |

GEMINI (May 21-June 20) Will Giovanni surreptitiously replace Allesandra’s birth control pills with placebos? Will Camille take a hidden crowbar to her rendezvous with the blackmailer? Will Josie steal Jose’s diary and sell it on eBay? Given the current astrological omens, you may have an unconscious attraction to soap opera-type events like those. The glamour of melodrama is tempting you. But I’m hoping and predicting that you will express the cosmic currents in less toxic ways. Maybe you’ll hear a searing but healing confession after midnight in the pouring rain, for instance. Perhaps you’ll break an outworn taboo with ingenious grace, or forge a fertile link with a reformed rascal, or recover a lost memory in a dusty basement.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) In 1787, English captain Arthur Phillip led an eight-month naval expedition to the southeastern part of the continent now known as Australia. Upon arrival, he claimed the land for England, despite the fact that 250,000 Aboriginal people were living there, just as their ancestors had for 2,000 generations.

Two hundred years later, an Aboriginal activist named Burnum Burnum planted the Aboriginal flag on the White Cliffs of Dover, claiming England for his people. I encourage you to make a comparably artful or symbolic act like Burnum’s sometime soon, Virgo—a ritual or gesture to assert your sovereignty or evoke a well-deserved reversal or express your unconquerable spirit.

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

TAURUS (April 20-May 20) I am launching a campaign to undo obsolete stereotypes about you Bulls. There are still backward astrologers out there who perpetrate the lie that many of you are stingy, stolid, stubborn slowpokes. As an antidote, I plan to heighten everyone’s awareness of your sensual, soulful sweetness, and your tastefully pragmatic sensitivity, and your diligent, dynamic productivity.

That should be easy in the coming weeks, since you’ll be at the height of your ability to express those superpowers. Luckily, people will also have an enhanced capacity to appreciate you for who you really are. It will be a favorable time to clarify and strengthen your reputation.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) The next four weeks will be an excellent time to upgrade your understanding of the important characters in your life. In fact, I suspect you will generate good fortune and meaningful synchronicities whenever you seek greater insight into anyone who affects you. Get to know people better, Leo! If there are intriguing acquaintances who pique your curiosity, find out more about them. Study the oddballs you’re allergic to with the intention to discern their hidden workings. In general, practice being objective as you improve your skill at reading human nature.

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City Weekly is looking for a Driver for the South Ogden area.

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WITH BABS DELAY Broker, Urban Utah Homes & Estates, urbanutah.com Chair, Downtown Merchants Association

Capitol Tours

It looks like Saturdays have been unofficially designated as “Protest Saturdays.” Here, folks rally from the Federal Building up the hill to the Capitol. The Utah Highway Patrol estimated about 6,000 people attended the Women’s March last month, and about 7,000-8,000 at the March for Refugees.

After your next Capitol protest dies down, I encourage you to check out the historic building. You can take a self-guided tour anytime it’s open, with the help of maps and brochures available inside.

Some of my favorite parts are the different examples of beehives in the art and wrought iron railings. Here are some other highlights: n The land was donated in 1888 by Salt Lake City to build a Statehouse. They couldn’t come up with the money to build it until 1911 when the Union Pacific Railroad president passed away and the state got $800,000 in inheritance taxes from his holdings. Matched with a $1 million bond from the Legislature, the building was constructed and was dedicated in 1916. n Look throughout the building for beehives that represent industry and unity, laurel wreaths (symbolic of victory, vitality and success) and the four lions who symbolize pride, strength, authority and protection, located outside. Each lion has a name etched into a brass plaque at the base. n The main rotunda was left unfinished for nearly 20 years until the Depressionera Public Works of Art Project funded art commissions for the Capitol. The halfmoon-shaped paintings at each end of the atrium were the first works of art placed in the building. The east mural called “Madonna of the Covered Wagon” is my personal favorite. n If you can get into the governor’s office, check out his “tornado desk,” created from trees that blew down on the Capitol grounds during the 1999 freak tornado that demolished a gay bar downtown called The Sun, killed one person and wiped out massive trees around the Capitol building and the Avenues.

Utah architect Richard K.A. Kletting, who won a design competition, incorporated the most modern methods and materials of the day (like electric lights and elevators). The building was updated from 2004-2008 to protect against earthquake damage and replace the original weatherdamaged lions. It’s a beautiful example of government architecture and a must-see for locals and tourists alike. n

Content is prepared expressly for Community and is not endorsed by City Weekly staff.

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EWWWW! On Jan. 31, doctors at Stanley Medical College and Hospital in Chennai, India, removed a live, full-grown cockroach from the nasal cavity of a 42-year-old woman whose nose had been “itchy” earlier in the day. Two hospitals were unable to help her, but at Stanley, Dr. M.N. Shankar, chief of ear-nose-throat, used an endoscope, forceps, and, for 45 minutes, a suction device—because, he said, the roach “didn’t seem to want to come out.” Another doctor on the team noted that they’ve removed beads and similar items from the nasal cavity (demonstrating the splayed-out trespasser in full wingspan), “but not a cockroach, especially not one this large.” (Times of India, February 2017).

BY CHUCK SHEPHERD

them a “10” and labeling some with dour descriptions. She was hoping to sell 300 boxes, but as of the end of January, had registered 16,430. For the record, the best cookie was—of course—the Samoa, rated 9, but longtime favorites like the Trefoil (“boring”) rated 6 and the Do-sido (“bland”) 5. The new Toffee-tastic was simply a “bleak, flavorless, gluten-free wasteland.” (Nj.com, January 2017).

WEIRD

Can’t Possibly Be True Zachary Bennett and Karen Nourse have found Manhattan quite affordable, reported the New York Post in January—by simply not paying, for six years now, the $4,750 monthly rent on their loft-style apartment in the Chelsea neighborhood, citing New York state’s “loft law,” which they say technically forbids the landlord from collecting. Since the other eight units of their building are “commercial,” the landlord believes it doesn’t need a “residential certificate of occupancy,” but Bennett and Nourse believe the law only exempts buildings with at least two residences, and for some reason, the landlord has obstinately declined to initiate eviction or, until recently, to sue (for back rent, fees and electricity).

n Girl Scout Charlotte McCourt, 11, of South Orange, N.J., saw her sales zoom recently when she posted “brutally honest” reviews of the Scouts’ cookies she was selling—giving none of

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Undignified Deaths In January, Jesse Denton, 24, driving a stolen truck, tried to flee police on Interstate 95 near Brunswick, Ga., but accidentally crashed head-on into another vehicle. Seconds later, Denton was then fatally hit by another motorist as he ran across the highway to escape the crash scene. (Florida TimesUnion, January 2017).

The Passing Parade Thomas Pinson, 21, was arrested in St. Petersburg, Fla., in January and charged with domestic battery for roughing up his mother (even though, presumably lovingly, he had her full name tattooed on his chest). (The Smoking Gun, January 2017). n Police arrested a 22-year-old, knife-wielding man in a restroom on a train in Dusseldorf, Germany, in January. The man, naked, appeared “quite annoyed” at being hassled, did not have a ticket to ride, and said he was using the knife to shave his genital area because he was not welcome at home.

(Associated Press via WJLA-TV, January 2017).

Thanks this week to Seth Franklin and the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.

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Least Competent Criminals A suspect pointing a gun attempted a robbery at a laundromat in Upper Darby, Pa., in February was not immediately identified. The official reason for not initially identifying him was that, though detained, he had not yet been booked; less likely, perhaps, police might have been trying to spare him embarrassment in that the laundromat’s overnight clerk, a woman named Naou Mor Khantha, had simply taken his gun away from him and shot him three times. He was hospitalized in serious condition. (Philly.com, February 2017).

n A 37-year-old Saanich, British Columbia, man did not die but nearly bled out before being heroically rescued following his parking-rage blunder. Angered that another driver had parked too close to his own car, he grabbed a knife and stabbed a tire on the other vehicle with such force that he wound up slashing the main artery in his leg. (Global News BC, January 2017).

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Leading Economic Indicators In 2001, Questcor Pharmaceuticals bought the rights to make Acthar Gel, a hormone injection to treat a rare form of infantile epilepsy, and gradually raised the price from $40 a vial to $28,000 a vial. The British company Mallinckrodt bought Questcor in 2014 and apparently figured the vials were still too cheap, raising the price to $34,000. However, the Federal Trade Commission noticed that Mallinckrodt also during the latter period bought out—and closed down—the only company manufacturing a similar, cheaper version of the product, thus ensuring that Mallinckrodt had totally cornered the market. In January, the FTC announced that Mallinckrodt agreed to a $100 million settlement of the agency’s charge of illegal anti-competitive practices. “$100 million” is only slightly more than the price of giving one vial to each infant expected to need it in the next year. (Futurism, January 2017).

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Unclear on the Concept Late last year, Oxford University professor Joshua Silver accused Britain’s Home Secretary of a hate crime merely because the secretary had made a speech urging that unemployed Britons be given preference for jobs over people recruited from overseas. Silver denounced this “discrimination” against “foreigners” and made a formal complaint to West Midlands police, which, after evaluation, absolved Secretary Amber Rudd but acknowledged that, under the law, the police were required to record the secretary’s unemployment speech as a “non-crime hate incident.” (BBC News, January 2017).

The Aristocrats!

In January, Texas district judge Patrick Garcia was charged with misdemeanor disorderly conduct after a dispute outside the courthouse in El Paso. An April trial date was set for Garcia, who was accused of giving the middle finger, in public, to another judge. (Associated Press via KTVT-TV, January 2017).

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Update From “Big Porn” The colossus PornHub, in its annual January rundown, reported its several sites had 23 billion “visits” in 2016 (about one-fourth from females), during which time its videos were viewed 91 billion times. In all, earthlings spent 4.6 billion hours watching PornHub’s inventory (that is 5.2 centuries’ time doing whatever people do when viewing porn). The USA took home the gold for the most page views per capita, just nipping Iceland. Online visitors from the Philippines, for the third straight year, remained on the site the longest per visit.

The top search term on PornHub from U.S. computers was “step mom.” (The Daily Dot, January 2017).

“Less Cowbell!”

Applicants for passports in Switzerland are evaluated in part by neighbors of the applicant, and animal-rights campaigner Nancy Holten, 42, was rejected in January because townspeople view her as obnoxious, with, said a Swiss People’s Party spokesperson, a “big mouth.” Among Holten’s sins was her constant criticism of the country’s hallowed fascination with cowbells—that make, according to Holten, “hundred decibel,” “pneumatic drill”-type sounds (though a hit song, “(Don’t Fear) The Reaper,” by the group Blue Oyster Cult, skillfully employed the cowbell—before it was satirized in an epic Saturday Night Live sketch starring Christopher Walken).

(The Independent, January 2017).

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