City Weekly March 9, 2017

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CWCONTENTS COVER STORY UNLOCKING THE BOX

As Utah State Prison moves beyond using solitary confinement as punishment, mentally ill inmates struggle with its legacy.

Cover photo illustration by Derek Carlisle

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ANNIE KNOX

As Utah legislators finally take their bow, so does this reporter, who’s been there since Day 1 of the session. Among the highlights, she says, were the “tense and sometimes tender moments” when citizens showed up to speak in committee meetings, such as for air quality bills, which “drew mothers, fathers and people with asthma to the Capitol.” Bravo, Knox!

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COMMENTS@CITYWEEKLY.NET @SLCWEEKLY

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Cover story, Feb. 23, “Loretta’s Justice”

Great article. Reporting at its best. I had never heard of this case. Read it to the end.

DEB ROSKELLEY Via cityweekly.net

Thank you Richard Shaw, Carolyn Campbell and City Weekly for sharing my story!

HEIDI JONES-ASAY Via cityweekly.net

Five Spot, Feb. 23, Noor Ul-Hasan

A wife, a mother, an Indian immigrant and a beloved friend and chosen sister. We love you, Noor!

KATHRYN JONES-PORTER Via Facebook

Drink, Feb. 23, “Eight Great Utah Brews”

Yeah, you missed one of the best breweries in our humble state; 2 Row has been killing it with the best IPAs and their new oatmeal stout is maybe the best stout.

JOE SNOW

Via Facebook My favorite easily accessible local beer is 2 Row Random, and my favorite special release is Red Rock Rêve.

MIKE SARGENT Via Facebook

Blog, Feb. 24, “Simpson Ave. Shelter Nixed”

So, Central 9th is the new homeless hub?

I’ll have three homeless centers (Palmer Court, 700 South and the youth center less than a mile from me), and all four less than 2 miles. I’ve been fine with it because we all should shoulder some responsibility, but this is total BS. Poor Sugar House can’t even handle the women and children?

That’s pathetic.

BILLY GOWEN

RICHIE KNORR Via Facebook

Mama’s Milk Stout by Vernal Brewing Co.

ROBERT BATH

Devastator and Jalapeño Cream Ale.

@MICAHMARLOWE1 Via Twitter

Via Facebook Yet another Utah community shows that human life means nothing to them, while property values are of greater concern than anything else. Everyone who fought against this, instead of working with the program and making it better than what it was slated to be, is horrible and has no idea of what love truly is.

TRAVIS BURLISON Via Facebook

My only real objection to this location is that it was going to displace a very active day care center that has a lease on the building till 2019. I am comfortable with a small homeless shelter in Sugar House, but not on Simpson Avenue. My current idea is to move the location north a block into one of the strip malls on the corner of 21st South and 700 East. It would still be near the train line and the day care center would have remained.

So awesome! We fought, we won! Still need a good solution for the homeless. Still going to help support an overall solution for the valley.

ERIC HUNT

Via Facebook Except that’s not what the majority were going for. When you lobby the Legislature to cut off homeless funding from Salt Lake rather than propose a reasonable solution, like yours, rash decisions get made. This decision is bullshit.

Via Facebook Bunch of snobs. Easy to talk about wanting to help others, but you can’t handle a women and children’s shelter in your neighborhood, even though you live near a street that acts more like a highway.

CAROLINE AMIS Via Facebook

Via Facebook

ADRIENNE KUMIK BOWEN

Via Facebook

BILLY GOWEN

Both wise decisions there! I like them both but also love Full Suspension and Epic Spiral Jetty.

you keep it out of your neighborhood.

It is so ridiculous that the west side of Salt Lake continues to shoulder everything the wealthier areas don’t want to see or deal with. So much easier to ignore reality if

ALAN NEELEY Via Facebook

OMG, the privileged people won.

LAURA JANE Via Facebook

Because people stood up and asked that they not evict two successful businesses that had leases for the next few years already paid for? Yeah, justice was done.

That is all.

CASEY REID Via Facebook

Those “better than the rest” residents of Sugar House got what they wanted. A fucking day care. Congrats!

DOMINICK CAPUTO Via Facebook

Let’s talk about sex (ed)

When it comes to any legislation having to do with sex, one should understand the very limited and warped sex education that the majority of the Utah legislators had. This is because most of the legislators are Mormon and received their sex education from the church.

As young boys, they were taught that

masturbation was a grave sin. Thus, during their missionary service, they were required to report in detail their “sin” to the mission president.

I once heard a returned sister missionary tell a returned male missionary the following: “If you thought you were embarrassed confessing your masturbation, think how much more embarrassing it is for a young woman to confess her masturbation to the male mission president.”

According to church teachings to adolescent boys, wet dreams are OK with God because there is a sperm factory operating within the males’ crotch area. The factory sometimes overproduces sperm and the excess is expelled through the penis as the young man sleeps.

Until the last few decades, Mormon women risked being locked out of the celestial kingdom if they practiced any form of birth control. Families of 12-15 were not unusual.

One woman related to me that after giving birth to four children and suffering through a still birth and a miscarriage, her husband warned that if she had her tubes tied, she would go to hell. Note: She had her tubes tied, left her husband and the church.

Yes, the people who believe all of this include most of the Utah legislators, the governor, the lieutenant governor and most other Utah and other elected and appointed officials.

TED OTTINGER, Taylorsville

STAFF Publisher JOHN SALTAS Editorial

Editor ENRIQUE LIMÓN Arts &Entertainment Editor SCOTT RENSHAW Music Editor RANDY HARWARD Senior Staff Writer STEPHEN DARK Staff Writer DYLAN WOOLF HARRIS Copy Editor ANDREA HARVEY Proofers SARAH ARNOFF, LANCE GUDMUNDSEN

Editorial Interns SULAIMAN ALFADHLI, DAVID MILLER Contributors CECIL ADAMS, KATHARINE BIELE, MISSY BIRD, ROB BREZSNY, BABS DE LAY, KYLEE EHMANN, BILL FROST, MARYANN JOHANSON, CASEY KOLDEWYN, JOHN RASMUSON, TED SCHEFFLER, CHUCK SHEPHERD, ERIC D. SNIDER, BRIAN STAKER, LEE ZIMMERMAN

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OPINION

Word by Word

“A writer lives in awe of words, for they can be cruel or kind.”

—John Steinbeck

O

f the 200,000 or so words in the English language, I have just a few favorites. These aren’t words I use often. They are words that have the earappeal of a children’s choir, words whose syllables feel as good as chocolate truffles on the tongue when you say them. “Felicity” is one. “Mellifluous” is another.

I assume carpenters have a favorite hammer, tennis players prefer one racquet to another, and pipe smokers return to a particular briar over and over again. It’s no surprise, then, that scribblers like me have a handful of words they like better than all the rest. That is not to say that I rely on them or that I look for opportunity to use them. Just the opposite. The risk is that these words will suffer from too much attention, just like a spoiled child. The more they are limelighted, the less useful the words become no matter how intrinsically appealing they are. Take “awesome” for example. It used to be an adjective that described a jaw-dropping, awe-inspiring moment like the volcanic eruption of Mount St. Helens or the spectral light of the aurora borealis. Nowadays, “awesome” is so degraded that a Starbucks’ triple, nonfat, no-whip white mocha is an “awesome” equivalent of Alec Baldwin’s sendups of Donald Trump on Saturday Night Live. In like fashion, overexposure is eroding the status of “perfect.” Mozart is perfect.

Rafael Nadal’s topspin forehands are usually perfect. Choosing french fries instead of cole slaw is not, even if the waitress chirps, “Perfect!”

A few years ago, somebody with time on his hands scoured the internet for others with time on their hands in order to pick the most beautiful word in the English language.

The top vote-getter was “syphilis.” Those who would contest the selection should try saying it aloud a few times. The F-sound in the first syllable complements the dominant sibilance such that “syphilis” slides off the

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tongue with a satisfying, serpenty hiss. Only “Sisyphus”—the name of the mythical, rockrolling Greek—is more mellifluous.

The novelty of The Most Beautiful English Word still attracts internet traffic like chum. Dan Dalton, a BuzzFeed writer, has seined the Twittersphere a few times to net best-words and worst-words. One of his lists of beautiful words included syzygy—hard to pronounce but valuable in Scrabble—and iridescence, effervescence and incandescence. Evidently, four-syllable words with the “escence” suffix are as winsome as a rack of AR-15s at a gun show.

Dalton’s collection of least-favorite words included a number of nouns relating to body parts—primarily female. “Orifice” was one. “Moist” was on the list, too. Last summer, “moist” showed up when Oxford Dictionaries launched a poll to find the worst English word. “Is there a particular word which has always made your blood boil?” they asked. “Does an everyday word sound horrendous to you?” More than 8,000 people weighed in. “Moist” was in the lead when the dictionary company pulled the plug “due to severe misuse.” You can imagine the racist and misogynistic trolling that brought the fun to an abrupt halt.

“I was disappointed when the Oxford Dictionaries called off its search for the worst word in the English language before I got a chance to have my say,” humorist Calvin Trillin wrote in The New York Times a few weeks later. He explained that he had long hated the word “maintenance” and the beady-eyed contractors and mechanics who trafficked in it. But it had been replaced by a word that visits dread on people his age— “upgrade.” With tongue in cheek, Trillin imagines 20-something programmers scheming to upend the lives of tech-inept elders with successive software upgrades.

Thinking about the words you hate and the ones you favor? Then consider the fact that some words have connotative gender bias.

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Writing in The New York Times, Claire Cain Miller explains how the wording of a job listing can attract women and deter men and vice versa. Listings for such fast-growing, female-dominated jobs as home health aide and physician assistant used “sympathetic,” “care,” “fosters,” “empathy” and “families.” These words resonate with women, not men, Miller wrote. “Manage,” “forces,” “exceptional,” “proven” and “superior” appeared in listings for male-dominated jobs.

Changing these masculine words to genderneutral ones—“‘premier’ instead of ‘worldclass,’ ‘extraordinary’ instead of ‘rock star’ and ‘handle a fast-paced schedule’ instead of ‘manage,’” Miller wrote—affects the outcome. Jobs are filled faster when the language is neutral. Still, “one of the biggest economic riddles today is why out-of-work men aren’t pursuing the jobs that are growing the most,” Miller noted.

There must be a few guys around to mansplain why men shrink from so-called pinkcollar jobs.

“Mansplaining” was coined in the late 2000s. It refers to a man who holds forth condescendingly to a woman about a subject he knows little about. Fourteen new words are coined in English each day. The neologisms of 2016 included “facticide,” to kill or distort facts; and in 2015, “ammosexual,” a person who loves firearms in a fetishistic manner. As new words gain currency, others fade away. Flirtatious young women are no longer referred to as fizgigs.

Words are the object of much attention lately. Orwell’s dystopian novel, 1984, is suddenly an Amazon bestseller; NPR has decided to avoid “lie” and “liar” in its reporting; and politicians like Utah House Speaker Greg Hughes are taking heed. In defending Trump’s facticidal administration, Hughes told The Salt Lake Tribune, “I try to be careful with my words”—words of wisdom in this Orwellian age. CW Send feedback to: comments@cityweekly.net

Readers can comment at cityweekly.net

What is your favorite and least favorite word in the English language?

Scott Renshaw: Asking a writer to pick a favorite word is like asking a parent to pick a favorite child. Least favorite: Anything meant to obscure meaning rather than clarify it.

Sierra Sessions: My favorite word is probably either fuck, kooky or skeewompus. Least favorite is maybe.

Pete Saltas: “Necessary” is my spelling nemesis. Like, why a letter C? I just want to throw a double S in there and call it good.

Alissa Dimick: Favorite? Bitch. Least favorite? I can’t even type it. In our house we call them Edward Nortons. (Hint: Women use them to feed babies.)

Paula Saltas: Favorite word: “Irregardless,” irregardless of it being a real word or not. Least favorite: “selfie” and “on fleek.”

Randy Harward: As a writer, I think the only answer is all of them and none of them. In 1972’s “Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television,” George Carlin says, “There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions. And words.”

Words, he explained, are neutral. It’s the speaker’s intention and context that make a word offensive, as with hate speech. I’ll add that with regard to words like “moist”—where some people recoil at its sound— If you picture something squishy and gross when you hear it, that’s on you.

Mikey Saltas: Desks. That “sks” sound is like nails on a chalkboard to my ears for some reason.

John Saltas: Favorite: okie; least favorite: dokie.

Nicole Enright: My favorite word is butthole. My least favorite is butt-hurt.

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HITS&MISSES

BY KATHARINE BIELE @kathybiele

FIVE SPOT

RANDOM QUESTIONS, SURPRISING ANSWERS

Wild Lands Activism

There’s something about activism. It’s on the rise. Maybe @realDonaldTrump sparked the fires, but he is a small note in the crescendo of local movements. Take Bears Ears, for example. Just as Rep. Ryan Zinke was confirmed secretary of the Interior, a group of monument supporters gathered outside his office, and the Southern Utah Wilderness Alliance has started a campaign of TV ads against repeal. Outdoor Retailer has decided to leave, and state Rep. Mike Noel was pictured in The Salt Lake Tribune with an apparent migraine during testimony opposing a bill to allow the state to own Bears Ears. In other wild lands news, there are protests afoot at Dimple Dell Regional Park over plans to pave the 3-mile North Rim Trail, and a Save Bonanza Flats effort by Utah Open Lands.

But finally, there was a cosmic protest in the form of a landslide on the highway into Bryce Canyon—right after Rep. Jason Chaffetz vowed to investigate tweets by a park employee supporting Bears Ears.

Health “Care”

Let’s talk about the bizarre efforts to repeal the Affordable Care Act. The operative word here is “care,” which it seems your Republican lawmakers do not. There is so much antiObama rhetoric going on that actual lawmaking—compromise and tweaking—just isn’t taking place. The New York Times wrote about how conflicted this red state is, with the public embracing Obamacare and the state fighting against it. The Deseret News noted that enrollment climbed 24 percent despite the calls for repeal. But most terrifying was Sen. Lindsey Graham who, despite his packed South Carolina town hall, said he has no idea what the GOP plan is.

Graham, according to The Guardian, was surprised there were so many “liberals” in South Carolina. So the GOP persists in making a partisan issue out of basic humanity.

Liquor Legislation

Where the hell is the Legislature getting their ideas about alcohol and kids? Not from the facts, of course, because we live in an era of fake news, feelings and supposition. And frankly, Rep. Mike Noel, R-Kanab, is an idiot if he really believes visual exposure to alcohol led him and his siblings to drink. Could it have been the perverse fascination kids have when a culture vilifies normal behaviors? Or maybe the fact that his dad was an alcoholic, as The Salt Lake Tribune noted, led to some strange conduct. At any rate, the Legislature is acting on “testimonies” from the wrong people. Even the governor says it’s “kind of a hunch.” Restaurants and other businesses have been trying to persuade against insane curtains, walls or moats. And women, beware: Who knows what they’re putting in your drink behind the curtain? Blame it on the Legislature.

Kris Johnson is director of the jazz program in the University of Utah Department of Music. On Friday, March 10, at 7:30 p.m., his original musical, with a script by Gary Anderson, Jim Crow’s Tears— about a former slave named Lucius experiencing the American minstrel show tradition—plays at the Rose Wagner Center (138 W. 300 South, artsaltlake.arttix.org).

What was the primary inspiration for Jim Crow’s Tears?

I saw [Spike Lee’s 2000 film] Bamboozled in college, and was blown away by the minstrel show and blackface imagery.

The history wasn’t something I was very familiar with, and I became a bit obsessed with it. I visited museums and libraries in Michigan, and read quite a few books on the topic. It was clear pretty soon after that I needed to create something that culminated my research.

Musical theater doesn’t seem to have very many precedents in terms of using jazz as the primary musical architecture. Were there any particular works you might have been looking to as models?

MATTHEW PANDOLFE

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There has always been a deep tie between jazz and musicals. The music of AfricanAmericans is the music of America. … Lots of jazz musicians also borrowed from musical theater, playing those songs and creating their own unique versions of them. For me, I compose using an influence from the entire Black American music canon—whatever styles and influences that help me get my point across. Major inspirations include Terence Blanchard, Thad Jones and Duke Ellington. In terms of lyrics and social content, definitely Max Roach’s ‘Freedom Now,’ Wynton Marsalis’ ‘Blood On the Fields,’ Dave Bruebeck’s ‘The Real Ambassador’ and Charle Mingus’ song ‘Fables of Faubus.’ I’m also a big fan of the musicals Ragtime, Wicked, Passing Strange and Dreamgirls.

Salt Lake City’s demographics are pretty different from those of Detroit. Do you think the show plays differently here?

It will certainly play differently here! But there is definitely a universal message: In what ways do you put on a mask every day in order to conform to the expectations of society?

And does that conformity demean you in some way? Also, it makes people reconsider how quickly we apply our preconceived expectations or stereotypes to certain groups of people. How much of that has been programmed in us through the media?

What do you see in 2017’s political landscape that makes the show even more relevant, or perhaps on the other side, gives you some hope for progress?

People are hurting. And people are waking up. I think there is a genuine desire from a lot of people to inquire how we ended up here and why things are the way they are. People are questioning how much progress there has really been, and are saddened by the hate, violence and discrimination on the news and on social media daily. I hope to provide some reflection, education and healing, and more importantly, open up the floor for dialogue that people might not engage in otherwise.

—SCOTT RENSHAW scottr@cityweekly.net

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7. Kolob Hills.

6. Kolob Commons.

3. Kolob Heights.

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YWCA LEADERSHIP SUMMIT

With all the talk about being “ladylike” and virtuous, young women might want to try an alternate route. Proudly Powerful is the theme of the ninth annual Y WCA Young Women’s Leadership Summit to help the 18- to 34-year-old crowd stand up, speak out and embrace power in professional, community and personal settings. Keynote speaker Tiffany Dufu is the author of Drop the Ball, “a memoir and manifesto that shows women how to cultivate the single skill they need to thrive—the ability to let go.” The Falls Event Center, 580 S. 600 East, 801-537-8614, Friday, March 10, 8 a.m.-1:30 p.m., free for Y WCA Utah members age 18-35, $35 for young women, $15 for students, ywcautah.org

The Science of Brewing...

DEMOCRACY DISCUSSION

Are you asking yourself, Do We Still Live in a Democracy? You’re not alone. The Speakers’ Corner SLC hosts a roundtable discussion focused on the questions you’ve been asking since Nov. 8, like, “What can we do to improve the implementation of Article 7?” That says, “All Utahns have the right to transparent and ethical governance as well as effective participation in the democratic process.” But do they? The discussion features Mark Button, chair of the University of Utah’s political science department, and Dixie Huefner of the Utah Citizen’s Council. There’s also a screening of Kapital, a screendance by Tanja London asking, “What is the actual capital of a democratic society?” Sorenson Unity Center, Performance Theater (south entrance), 1383 S. 900 West, 801-259-6567, Saturday, March 11, 6-9:30 p.m., $10+ suggested donation, speakerscornerslc.wixsite.com

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How do you make a real difference for women and girls in poverty? Every day, they’re denied fundamental human rights like education, health care and freedom—even though they are the key to a better future for their families and communities. Around the world, women work two-thirds of all working hours, earning only 10 percent of the world’s income. So get walking! Care is an international humanitarian agency delivering emergency relief and long-term international development projects, and through their Walk in Her Shoes event, you set your own goals and gain a deeper understanding of these issues through personal stories, Care’s program data, and your own daily 10,000-step challenge. Worldwide, Wednesday-Tuesday, March 8-14, walk.care.org

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Eight Utah-sourced names for the seven planets of NASA’s recently discovered solar system:

CITIZEN REVOLT

How did the Romans actually do any mathematical calculations with Roman numerals?

Without the concept of places (units, tens, etc.) how did they add, subtract, multiply, divide, sell slaves and build aqueducts?

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Wednesday March 15, 2017

11 AM – 2 PM

Let me toss that question right back at you, Leonard: How do you solve complex math problems? You’re probably not working through them in your head, or even on paper. If you need to figure something unwieldy or tricky—say, the square root of 41,786—you reach for a calculator. And so did the ancient Romans. Their counting devices weren’t electronic, of course, but the tech was high enough for them to establish and administer an empire of nearly 2 million square miles without even coming up with a notation for zero.

The Romans’ contributions to the arena of mathematics weren’t exactly mind-blowing, especially compared to their cultural forebears across the sea in Greece—the Pythagorean theorem is a hard act to follow. When it came to manipulating numbers, the Romans were pragmatists, not theoreticians. As you suggest, conquest, commerce and engineering were their domains, all fields that do require a certain computational acumen. But the average Roman citizen learned only basic arithmetic in school, under the tutelage of a calculator, as math instructors were often called, unless he or she (but almost always he) needed greater knowledge for professional purposes.

And basic Roman arithmetic is largely rather simple, even for those of us spoiled

by Arabic notation. Addition is no sweat, because complex Roman numbers already use what math pros call additive notation, with numerals set beside one another to create a larger number. VI is just V plus I, after all. To add large numbers, simply pile all the letters together, arrange them in descending order, and there’s your sum. CLXVI plus CLXVI? CCLLXXV VII, or CCCXXXII. And one of the advantages of the Roman system is that you don’t need to memorize multiplication tables. What’s VI times VI? Six V’s and six I’s, which converts to three X’s, a V and an I: XXXVI. You can do all this because of the limitation Leonard pointed out above. Roman numerals don’t have what’s called place value or positional value, the way digits in our system do. The value represented by the Arabic numeral 5 changes depending on its placement within a figure: It can mean five units, five tens or five hundreds. But to a Roman, V always meant just plain five, regardless of position. And before you chime in with “What about in IV?” keep in mind that the Roman numerals we use aren’t necessarily the ones the Romans used.

Subtractive notation—expressing a value as the difference between a larger number and a smaller one set to its left was rare in classical Rome and didn’t take off until the middle ages; the Romans greatly preferred

the simpler IIII to IV, XXXX to XL, and so on. (The IIII-for-4 notation survives today on the faces of clocks.)

You’ll notice I haven’t mentioned long division—that’s where positional value really pays off. What’s CCXVII divided by CLI? The pile-and-sort method isn’t going to work here. For this one, as well as for the multiplication of larger numbers, you need an abacus. Not too much physical evidence survives, but judging from references in poems by Catullus, Juvenal and others, and from contemporary devices found in Greece, the standard Roman abacus used glass, ivory or bronze counters placed on a board marked off into rows and columns.

(The counters were at first made of stone and called calculi or “pebbles,” the obvious root of several math-related words in English).

A later, more portable version (and this one we’ve found examples of) consisted of a metal plate with beads that slid back and forth in slots.

In either case, the columns or slots were labeled I, X, C, etc., corresponding to the ones column, the tens column, the hundreds, and so on up to millions; the counters or beads kept track of how many you had of each. Essentially, abacuses allowed you to convert Roman figures into a placebased system, do your calculations, then convert back. Some, at least, could even handle fractions, using other specialized slots: Though the Romans kept to base 10 for whole numbers (as we 10-fingered creatures are wont to do), for smaller values they had a separate base-12 system, making it easier to work with thirds and quarters.

These devices remained in use for centuries after Rome fell. I’ve been talking about the Romans, but remember, their numbering system was still the only one that numerate medieval Europeans had at their disposal. After arriving on the Iberian peninsula in the eighth century, the Arabs introduced their own snazzy notation system (more accurately referred to as Hindu-Arabic), which made its written debut in Christian Europe courtesy of some Spanish monks in 976. Resistance to these foreign ciphers was fierce until the 15th century, when the invention of the printing press spread them widely enough that their utility could no longer be denied, sparking a mathematical revolution. And that’s why I’m able to tell you today that the square root of 41,786 is 204.41624201613725978. n

Send Adams questions via straightdope.com or write him c/o Chicago Reader, 350 N. Orleans, Chicago 60654.

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2017 Legislative Wrap-Up

Rape kit testing, public lands and that pesky Zion Curtain all got their day in the bureaucratic sun.

BY DYLAN WOOLF HARRIS dwharris@cityweekly.net @DylantheHarris

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here has the time gone?

In its waning days, the Legislature’s speed will shift, as it always does, from its humdrum business-asusual pace into a chaotic urgency. Yes, this week, lawmakers scramble to get their bills passed or heard before adjournment late Thursday night. It’s a time-honored script.

In many ways, the 2017 session resembled those that came before. As commonplace as a smog-soaked day in the Salt Lake Valley, the perennial legislation topics—alcohol law, school funding, abortion, pornography—reared up and demanded our attention. Those topics are the ones that grab the headlines among the 1,500 or so bills introduced.

In between committee hearings, floor votes and lunch with lobbyists, legislators were privy to a time-tested American ideal: the right to assemble.

This year, the statehouse was flooded with massive demonstrations, some of which—like the Women’s March and the March for Refugees—were modeled after national movements. Other protests would only make sense in a state like Utah, such as the pro-polygamy rally that called back to the state’s precarious plural-marriage past. And Utah’s unparalleled natural beauty and untapped natural resources drew crowds on both sides of the national monument debate.

When historians look back on 2017, it’s reasonable to think they’ll take a long look at Bears Ears, rape kits and the Zion Curtain.

Bears Ears

And the storied fight over public land rumbles on. The newest 3.5-million acre battleground, Bears Ears National Monument, is found in Utah but falls under federal rule, giving state lawmakers who oppose the federal regulations little recourse.

It was in late December when thenPresident Barack Obama declared the buttes in southeastern Utah a protected monument. Locally, the announcement was drowned out by consternated cries from

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Utah higher-ups, and the legislative session gave monument naysayers a space where they could put their words into action.

So, in response, local officials zipped a non-binding resolution through the Capitol that, in essence, asks President Donald Trump to erase the monument his predecessor created, an option that has never been attempted and might not be legally available. Furthermore, based on his stream-of-consciousness speeches and Twitter feed, Trump doesn’t spend a great deal thinking about public land issues.

To that end, the measure that was passed in Utah this session is more a symbolic move, a statement about overreach, an amplified gesture.

Gov. Gary Herbert made this clear when he spoke to outdoor retailers on a recorded conference call.

“The resolution really means nothing.

There is no teeth to it,” he said. On that same call, he asked industry leaders for more time before they crossed Salt Lake City off the list of future Outdoor Retailer trade shows.

Outdoor companies were peeved by the Bears Ears rhetoric leading up to the session, and they were bitterly disheartened when the resolution passed. On the phone with Herbert, representatives from The North Face, REI and others indicated they wanted the governor to publicly disavow his previous position. But it was an ultimatum Herbert wasn’t willing to concede, nudging organizers of the large biannual convention—a Salt Lake City staple for two decades—to shop elsewhere.

Not only that, but the company heads informed Herbert that the capital city would no longer be considered for a major bike convention, either.

And with that, a “no teeth” resolution came back to bite the local economy to the tune of $50 million annually. If that incision doesn’t sting enough, a coalition of business owners near the Grand Staircase-Escalante National Monument met at the Capitol to testify about the economic boon that monument brought to the region—the opposite narrative coming from Utah’s elected leaders.

Liquor

Ever since 2009, when restaurants were suddenly required to mix cocktails away from the public gaze, business owners have sought to do away with the rule, finding it arbitrary and restrictive.

Each new establishment was forced to construct a barrier, or Zion Curtain as it’s been dubbed. The food industry pushed against the law on grounds that it was costly, ineffectual, and patrons found it odd.

But in years past, they’ve found little success. Perhaps because the legislator who drafts alcohol law is liable to get chewed up like chum, to copy a metaphor used by Utah Restaurant Association President Melva Sine.

“The minute we mention alcohol, it’s like throwing tuna to sharks—and everybody is in the water,” she says.

The 2017 legislative session concludes this week at the Utah State Capitol.

As the legislative session neared, however, rumors began to swirl that this was the year lawmakers could topple the wall.

That brings us to Rep. Brad Wilson, RKaysville, who intrepidly dove deep into the drink. He attached his name to a mammoth bill, concocted with a squeeze of regulation, a twist of tax hikes, equal parts training and education, and voilà: House Bill 442.

For restaurateurs, it offers a couple options in lieu of the mandated Zion Curtain.

Instead, they can enforce a buffer separating the bar from family dining areas (politicos seem to, at this point, favor calling it the “Zion Moat”), or they can separate areas where drinking is permitted from those where it is not with a 3.5-foot-high “half wall.”

If they so chose, restaurants can also keep a curtain.

Several establishments were considered “grandfathered” restaurants in 2009, and they didn’t have to build a Zion Curtain. The new bill would now require that they comply with one of the three options by July 1, 2022.

And for grocery stores and gas stations, they will have to display beer or “alcopop” in distinct spots, so no one unwittingly purchases an alcoholic beverage, like a Utah woman, Wilson claims, who mistakenly served alcoholic root beer picked up at the grocery store to her grandchildren over the Christmas holiday.

Although this is a working compromise for some, others asked lawmakers for more time to study the 150-plus page piece of legislation to determine how it would affect their businesses. Some restaurants have concerns that the new requirements will be just as onerous. Certainly, owners have been clamoring for the Legislature to pedal back the wall requirements, arguing that patrons, on the whole, prefer to see what’s going in their drinks.

Restaurants that demolish their Zion Curtains risk losing business from at least one customer, though. Specifically, the patronage of ultra-conservative Utah Eagle Forum president and Capitol omnipresence Gayle Ruzicka—when she dines with her

grandchildren.

On a recent outing, she told House committee members, she peered at an eatery’s Zion Curtain, grateful that she and her grandson were shielded from the alcohol behind it. While admiring her obscured situation, Ruzicka asked herself whether she would return if the youngster by her side “could look over there and he could watch them preparing the alcohol, looking at those drinks that look very enticing. … I thought to myself, ‘Shame on me if I would.’”

But plenty of others will. Customers who imbibe at the restaurant, however, should be aware of an important liquor change promoted by Norm Thurston, R-Provo. Utah liquor laws drew national attention when they proposed lowering the legal blood-alcohol driving limit to 0.05 percent, from 0.08.

Thurston argued his new law will lead to fewer fatal accidents on the road.

No other state in the nation has set its DUI limit lower than 0.08. But, Thurston says, plenty of nations in the world have, and 0.05 seemed, to him, to be a reasonable line.

Fighting Rape

Fortifying her reputation as a leader in the fight against sexual and domestic violence, Angela Romero, D-Salt Lake City, introduced House Bill 200, a measure that mandates the testing of rape kits.

A member of a sexual violence task force, Romero says although a bill for mandatory rape kit testing is new this session, she and other colleagues—notably Eric Hutchings, R-Kearns—have been working on it for several years. She attributes this to the bipartisan support for the measure.

“I wasn’t sure it would pass the first session because you’re never sure when you’re tackling an issue like this, but I think my colleagues respect the fact that we’ve done our research,” she says.

The notion that someone would oppose a law that could lead to the lockup of rapists is hard to fathom. Less so is a concern over the fiscal note, which is estimated at about $2.4 million.

Pain in the Neck

What Else Is in It?

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Often enough, a piece of legislation intended to address one problem also includes language meant to fix or clarify a related one. For example: House Bill 442, the alcohol behemoth includes a 2-percent tax hike on alcohol sold in restaurants—a cost that will surely be passed along to customers. Rep. Brad Wilson estimates it will generate about $4 million, to be used for education programs and training, pay for administration costs at the Department of Alcohol and Beverage Control, and any leftover would go back to the general fund.

House Bill 200, which mandates the testing of rape kits would also help law enforcement with trauma counseling. The intent is to ensure victims of sexual assault don’t regret reporting rape or violence because the investigation of a well-meaning officer is nevertheless compounding the trauma.

The massage-with-a-haircut measure, Senate Bill 172, included a two-minute time limit for any neck rub. That language was removed, though, after committee members poked fun at how ridiculous it would be to enforce. CW

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What’s a guy gotta do to get a neck massage around here? One has to assume, Sen. Todd Weiler, R-Woods Cross, was asking this same question while lounging on a barber chair, when he conjured up the bill that has rolled the most eyes this session.

If you’ve ever longed for your barber to give your neck a little squeeze after brushing hair clippings from it, but never got one, Weiler has your freshly styled back.

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“This is the right thing to do,” she says, when asked about the cost. “It affects all of us.”

Whether or not the increase in rape kit testing leads to a measurable uptick in rape convictions, Romero says this bill will offer some solace to victims, who might otherwise feel like no one believes them.

“Somebody has experienced a horrific crime, and then they go and get an exam and that’s invasive,” Romero says. “It can retraumatize someone. I wanted to make sure that they feel that justice is served even if the perpetrator isn’t caught.”

Romero also sponsored legislation to help victims of sexual or domestic violence on college campuses receive support.

“When we look at sexual violence and domestic violence, most people blame themselves,” she says. “Most people are afraid to disclose because they don’t think they’ll be believed. So they need that confidentiality and that support system to be able to process it and move forward.”

Another bill meant to curb sexual assault would allow students to carry concealed guns on campuses.

“What about the alleged perpetrator?

They can carry, too. It doesn’t really solve the issue at hand when we’re talking about sexual violence,” Romero says. “We should be talking about consent. I don’t think guns really have a role in that conversation.”

UNLOCKING BOX THE

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As Utah State Prison moves beyond using solitary confinement as punishment, mentally ill inmates struggle with its legacy.

By Stephen Dark ❱ sdark@cityweekly.net ❱

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hen 25-year-old Jeremy Haas paroled out of the Utah State Prison in May 2015, he went to live with his mother. She took him to the still-blue waters of the Spanish Fork reservoir, where, for the first time in his life, he walked barefoot in sand.

He had done eight years of a 1-to-15-year sentence for an attempted carjacking with a loaded gun. Doing time is never easy, nor is it meant to be, but Haas’ prison stint was more difficult than most. He has a limited IQ, can barely write, struggles to read and has a need to please whomever he is with, according to documents prepared by Utah’s Disability Law Center (DLC), which represented him for several years.

Haas fell out of a third-story window when he was 5, and as a teen went from treatment facilities to juvenile delinquency, drug use and a brief gang affiliation. Multiple doctors have diagnosed him with a plethora of mental illnesses, ranging from moderate to mild mental retardation to bipolar disorder and schizophrenia.

Despite such diagnoses, and having been identified by the prison as a high suicide risk, he nevertheless spent more than half of his first five years in prison in solitary confinement in part of the maximum-security wing known as Uinta 1 for misconduct issues—many of them related to his mental illness.

Barely turned 18, Haas went to prison in November 2007 as, he told a Board of Pardons hearing officer, “a child in the mind, and then I had to grow up in prison.” Inmates “spun him up”—which is prison speak for convincing him to do what he himself later termed “stupid things”—for their amusement.

He broke sprinkler heads and flicked feces mixed with urine at correctional officers, resulting in further criminal convictions, thousands of dollars in unpaid fines that steadily accrue interest, and time in “the box” or “the hole,” as solitary has been called.

From January 2008 to September 2012, he spent 1,021 days out of a total 1,731 days in punitive isolation. That means more than half of his first five years in prison were spent 23-hours-aday in a box a little larger than a parking space with a concrete bunk, a sink and a toilet.

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The prison had little tolerance for Haas’ inability to face down torment and abuse. After he was beaten unconscious by a “cellie,” a prison official deemed his failure to avoid such a situation his own fault. “Unfortunately, your complaints of being beaten by your cell mate and your attempted suicide by taking pills has shown you cannot be managed outside of Uinta 1 and the severe management sections,” the grievance officer wrote in March 2014. That was in response to his complaint that it was unfair he was punished with solitary for being the victim of an assault. The thin, self-described transgender youth needed to “stop trying to hurt yourself or to allow others to hurt you.”

In 2015, the United Nations promoted the “Nelson Mandela Rules,” which deemed locking up inmates for 22 hours a day or more, for more than a two-week period, “cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment.” Long a punitive tool of control for prison authorities, solitary confinement is recognized as worsening the condition of those already struggling with mental health issues.

In late 2011, a City Weekly reporter began following a number of inmates with severe and persistent mental illnesses (SPMIs) at the Utah State Prison. Three of the inmates were clients of the Utah Disability Law Center. All four spent significant time in solitary because of misbehavior that, the DLC found from analyzing three of the inmates’ records, stemmed in great part from their mental illnesses.

Almost six years on, two of the four are dead. Ryan Allison committed suicide at age 22 in the prison’s mental health wing, and 25-year-old Christopher Lee Lucas died after correctional officers used tear gas to stop a fight. Haas and 33-year-old Cameron Payne, who suffered a devastating traumatic brain injury when he hit a wall on a motorbike, remain in prison and the prospects for their successful return to the outside world look grim.

“They’re doing more time and harder time because of their disability,” DLC Legal Director Aaron Kinikini says, adding that he’s haunted by the tragic fates of the three inmates he came to know through the DLC’s work. There’s little research into the long-term impact of solitary confinement, but Kinikini has

no doubt that its toxic legacy made their lives infinitely more difficult. “Most people successfully negotiate being in prison.

These guys, not a chance.”

Privacy regulations restrict the prison from responding to specific questions about the four inmates. “The seriously and persistently mentally ill/Severe TBI inmate population is [a] small and diverse portion of the overall prison population and presents a unique set of challenges,” spokesperson Maria Peterson writes in an email. “These inmates are closely monitored and carefully managed to balance both the person’s need for treatment and the safety of the officers, inmates and therapists with whom they interact.”

Under Utah Department of Corrections’ Executive Director Rollin Cook, the prison has embraced both greater transparency and a progressive, rehabilitation-weighted focus on incarceration. That shift was apparent 18 months ago when the prison sought to reduce its reliance on the nationwide practice of “administrative segregation,” as solitary confinement is formally known, as punishment. Instead it put in place a threetiered system designed to send inmates back to general population within 12 months. Restricted housing, as the prison now calls solitary, is not about punishment, Peterson writes. “It is used to safely manage unpredictable behavior,” and inmates “who are evaluated as mentally ill are not placed in restricted housing.” Haas and Payne, while in the highest security wing of the prison, the Uintas, are both in what the prison calls structured housing, which allows for greater time out of their cells, but it still means that they are under some form of lockdown.

Even with all these changes, some mentally ill parolees exit the prison only to find a threadbare support system, particularly concerning when, like Haas, they bear the damage of long-term 23-hour-a-day lockdown. “The hopelessness of his prospects for successful parole have to be connected in part to what he’s experienced in prison,” Kinikini says.

In total, Haas was paroled three times, leaving the brutal isolation of his diminutive cell (6 feet by 14 feet by 8 feet) for the chaotic noise of the outside world and the stringent demands

Jeremy Haas

BARS BEHIND BARS

MURDEROUS VOICES

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While the prison moves away from punitive isolation, its historic impact on inmates proves less amenable to change. In some cases, that’s because the consequences of placing mentally ill criminal offenders in a system that punished misbehavior with solitary proved fatal. The stories of Ryan Allison, whose deeply troubled, short life and suicide were profiled in a December 2014 City Weekly cover story called “Mental Lockdown,” and that of schizophrenic Christopher Lucas, attest to that.

Allison went to prison after the judge admitted in court she had nowhere else to send him, given his level of violence. In his first three years in prison, the articulate and self-aware Allison spent over half of it in punitive isolation for behavior issues, the majority of which were related to his mental illness the DLC found from his medical records. Allison killed himself in the mental health unit by diving off his sink head-first into the floor. While he had inflicted horrific injuries on himself and attempted suicide numerous times, he also routinely threatened officers. In a report into Allison’s death, one officer told investigators, “Allison always threatens to kill them and the correction officers hate him.” Spokesperson Peterson says correctional officers “experience high rates of PTSD and depression” due to their work.

Lucas suffered physical abuse as a child in California, his father knocking him out with a beer bottle when he was 9 or 10 years old, according to a DLC work-up from his medical records. He went to special education classes and was often suspended from school.

When Lucas went to prison for forcible sex abuse, he told a mental health evaluator he would be permanently incarcerated because of his mind and “how I’m thinkin’ isn’t good.” He said his mind would take over his body and tell him to punch or kill someone. “He felt like an outsider and is unable to love people,” a DLC attorney wrote in a report on Lucas.

During his four years in prison, Lucas was sentenced to 20 periods of punitive isolation, most of which were either 20 or 30 days in length. His offenses ranged from failure to comply with an order to threatening and fighting staff. In one incident shortly before he died, he pleaded not guilty to threatening an officer because, he said, “I’m crazy.” As staff forced him to the floor, he screamed, “It’s the voices in my head making me do this.”

More than 20 percent of the prison’s inmate population have mental health needs, amounting to approximately 1,600 individuals with conditions that range from anxiety and depression to serious and severe mental illnesses. Out of a $34 million annual health budget, the prison’s Clinical Services Director Tony J. Washington says $5 million goes to mental health, which includes two full-time psychiatrists.

“The whole goal is to reintegrate them into normal living situations as soon as possible,” Deputy Clinical Services Director Blitch Schuman says. With the Justice Reform Initiative, he says the prison has taken “a softer approach for the mentally ill.”

While he stresses that some of the inmates are very difficult cases, mental health services at the prison have gone through a tune-up, in terms of the interventions taken, staff responsibilities, observation assessments and generally “providing better care,” Schuman says.

Until several years ago, Utah had one of the highest percentages of its inmate population kept in solitary in the nation. It ranked sixth in a 2015 Yale Law School team national survey of “administrative segregation,” with 11.9 percent of its then 7,000-strong population in solitary. To its credit, it was also one of only four jurisdictions that believed that “making changes to administrative segregation is the ‘right thing to do.’”

Those changes found traction over the past 18 months, Prison Operations Director Jerry Pope says, sitting in the staff room of Uinta 1 as 90-plus matchbox-sized photographs of men in rows of eight on a poster look down on him. Whereas before inmates were put into solitary for a variety of reasons—including, he says, “sometimes just because we’re angry at them”—what’s

now called the “restricted housing population” has been cut to 4 percent through introducing a more humane, nuanced regime. Weekly meetings of a multidisciplinary team review individual cases and ask, Pope says, “Do they need to stay here?”

At the same time, housing units in the prison are getting more selective about who they send to restricted housing, Pope says. “It’s almost going too far the other way.” There’s no magic to the new approach, he says. It’s simply about transitioning inmates out of restricted housing in part by offering them incentives, including more time out of their cells and educational programs.

To get inmates out of their cells, the prison is investing in what Pope calls “enclosures”—essentially a large cage on the ground floor of each of the eight Uinta 1 pods. So far, two have been installed. A City Weekly reporter was given a limited tour of Uinta 1 and the Olympus mental health unit.

The enclosure was fitted with exercise bars and a row of kettle bells, albeit without instructions on how to use the latter. A young man in an orange jumpsuit sat slumped on a stool, watching a TV through the bars. All the cell doors bar one were shut, faces occasionally appearing through the slot windows.

One door had three pieces of paper stuck to it, warning that the inmate inside was a “spitter,” “slimer” (flicking bodily waste at officers) and not to be given a pen, as he would swallow it.

In an adjacent room was another weapon in the prison’s arsenal to wean itself away from punitive isolation, namely five heavy metal chairs with a set of handcuffs and a lengthy chain allowing inmates to write with one hand. The “security desks” cost $2,500 each and it’s here that five inmates at a time can attend programs for anger management and impulse control, assuming their privilege level (dictated by their behavior) allows.

The mental health unit is a few-minute drive away from the main prison. Pope has NPR on the radio, something the farmer’s son from southern California self-consciously jokes about as he drives.

An inmate sits in a security desk, an officer sitting either side of him, a TV on in front of him, although his eyes are closed, his head half-bowed. Olympus was on lockdown because an inmate had stabbed himself and staffers were cleaning up the blood. “They make stuff out of everything,” a sergeant says, in reference to the unidentified implement the inmate used to cut himself.

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of parole supervision—find a place to live, get a job, stay sober and return to the halfway house before curfew. Each time he returned to the prison on minor violations.

“It’s crazy,” Haas says, when asked what it was like to be outside. He is sitting behind bars in an orange jumpsuit, the smell of stale sweat initially coming through the bars in an interview room in Uinta 1. “Even speaking about being out is hard.”

Asked what it was like to be free, he looks down unblinking at the scratched metal surface before him for long seconds. “I don’t know where to begin or end,” he says.

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Once a fresh-faced Boy Scout, Jeremy Haas attempted a robbery when he was 17, and consequently had to grow up in prison.

In late August 2014, Lucas went before a parole-hearing officer. The officer told him his recent 10 disciplinary write-ups did not bode well. “The only way the board will take seriously the possibility of parole is if you manage yourself seriously,” the officer said.

Two weeks later, Lucas was dead. A neighboring inmate angry about his early morning screaming had gone into Lucas’ cell and started hitting him. Officers shut the cell door and bombarded his assailant with pepper spray. Lucas repeatedly complained of being unable to breathe, “and exhibited signs of distress”—according to the Salt Lake County district attorney’s report into his “in-custody death”—before losing consciousness and dying at Lone Peak hospital.

The medical examiner found that there were “three major factors at play as possible causes” of Lucas’ death minutes after he was pulled out of the cell: “his recent altercation with another inmate, his exposure to pepper agents and his underlying mental illness.”

Records show that until the fatal fight, “Lucas did so much better in general population than when he was in Unita 1,” Kinikini says.

“It was great when he was integrated into the prison population, and then this happens. It’s a no-win situation for the prison.”

Mugshots track the passage of the three years Ryan Allison spent in prison before his suicide.

UTAH DEPT. OF CORRECTIONS

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MOOD SWINGS

One of several enclosures installed by the prison so inmates in restricted housing can spend more time out of their cells.

Alison Payne has long feared that her son Cameron’s fate would mirror Lucas’, dying in prison at the hands of correctional officers, an inmate or his own. She accepts he had to do time—“He had to have his punishment. You can’t go around hurting people with knives, no matter what they are doing to you,” she says.

Payne is doing 1-to-15 for an August 2010 aggravated assault conviction. He has a traumatic brain injury, something prison health services chief Washington says the prison screens for, although Kinikini doubts that.

Kinikini says estimates put TBIs among prison inmates as high as 60 percent to 70 percent.

“It’s not like mental illness,” Kinikini says, where you can give a pill. “It’s behavior. Someone with a moderate TBI can go from zero to belligerent in no seconds, which is exactly the wrong attitude to have in a prison system.”

That rapidfire transition is apparent in a prison interview with Payne in Uinta 1. He says the prison views him as a “violent inmate,” and he has spent the vast majority of his time being shuffled from one cell to another in Uinta 1.

“I’m never allowed to have a cellie, or go to population,” he says. He sits straight-backed as he talks through the bars, laughing at times, only for his conversation to drop like a hurtling elevator into a profanity-strewn verbal depiction of sexual assault of someone that has angered him that sucks the air out of the room.

According to the addresses on the hundreds of letters he sent his mother over the past six years, her son moved cells approximately 50 times. Prison operations director Pope says, “Cameron is a unique person,” and argues that such cell changes can be beneficial, akin to “a change of scenery.” He also notes that “a lot of it is based on behavior.” Payne’s mother disagrees, saying that a cell is like a security blanket for him and being moved “discombobulates him.”

Inmates gang up on Payne and try to verbally provoke him from their separate cells. He says his current neighbors, “run their mouth about me.” Every disciplinary write-up he’s ever received, he says, is “a lie. I said a lot of stupid things, but I never started it.”

Payne says her son’s complaints about officers’ egging him into violent outbursts

“are legit, straight down the line. Every action he’s ever done is his TBI (traumatic brain injury). And then he’s punished for it.”

Payne and his mother aren’t the only ones alleging officers and inmates routinely goad him into “going off.” An inmate wrote to City Weekly in 2015 of his concerns over conditions in Uinta 1, requesting anonymity out of fear of retaliation. Payne “was placed in my section a week ago by himself—no bedding, mattress.

Nothing. Officers provoked him all night until he flipped out—this was done so they could place him back in Uinta 1.”

Spokesperson Peterson says there’s no complaints against officers “of that nature,” on Payne’s file, but there was a misconduct investigation in 2014. That looked into Payne’s allegation that officers had verbally threatened him and his family, “but there was not enough credible evidence to substantiate the allegations.”

BABY, COME HOME

After six-and-a-half years, what keeps Payne in prison is not the crime he committed but his disability. At his last parole hearing, the officer told him the only way he would ever be paroled is “to mind your P’s and Q’s.” The board would never let him go to live with his parents, the officer said. But to get out, first he had stop getting into fights and receiving disciplinary write-ups. Once he stabilized himself, “he can be released to a placement with the Department of Services for People with Disabilities,” the Board of Pardons’ Administrative Director Greg Johnson writes in an email.

His mother thinks his cognitive abilities have improved in solitary from all his reading, including books by Western author Louis L’Amour.

“My mom says I’m doing better,” Payne says.

Alison Payne had given up hope of her son ever getting out of prison. Then she received a call in late 2016 from high-profile attorney Rocky Anderson, who learned of Payne’s story from an attorney friend who represented him on criminal charges. Anderson’s associate, Amin Alehashem, is in the preliminary stages of investigating Payne’s case. What he finds troubling, he says, is that prisons and jails often have a fundamental misunderstanding of how severe mental disability is the root cause of behavior.

“That lack of knowledge creates this system where folks like Cameron are perpetually punished for behavior related to their disability,” Alehashem says. He says that while the prison system has “become the default form of dealing with severe mental illness, the overwhelming evidence is that it’s not working.”

Alehashem says he’s looking at whether punishments Payne receives are because of his disabilities, “and then asking the question, ‘Is he being punished more severely than a non-disabled inmate under the same circumstances?’”

Alison Payne says she informed the prison of a Cedar City facility that takes disability payments to care for those with TBIs. She asked a reporter to pass on the message to her son to behave for his upcoming parole hearing in April. That hearing, however, was canceled.

Payne was informed in late February that he would stay at the prison until October 2024, a year shy of his full 15-year sentence. Payne delivers the news without emotion.

The Board of Pardons’ Johnson writes in an email response to questions that, while the board did not have another hearing scheduled for Payne, it “is willing to reconsider the release decision at any time if an appropriate placement can be arranged in the community.”

HALFWAY HOME

| CITY WEEKLY |

A survivor of a motorcycle crash that left him with a devastating brain injury, Cameron Payne has spent six-and-a-half years in prison for assault.

MARCH 9, 2017 | 17

Look at Haas’ photograph as a round-faced late teenager going into prison, compared to the heavily tattooed, haunted youth he is

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“HOW THE HELL DO I DO THIS?”

Alison Payne with some of the several hundreds of letters her son sent her from prison.

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

In 2020, the new state prison will open northwest of Salt Lake City, with 4,000 inmates, down from the current population of almost 6,000. Prison spokesperson Peterson says the new prison design will emphasize easier access for inmates to services. “It will be revolutionary, really,” clinical services Deputy Director Schuman says.

“The whole facility is being built around this idea that isolation is contraindicated,” Washington says. “There’s a heavy focus on normalization, on lighting and natural light.”

One design being looked at for the mentally ill housing is that it will be V-shaped, “with a wall of panels so everybody in their cell can see the world out there,” he adds.

As well as being able to see more of the outside world, inmates with mental health issues may also have more access to courtyards and walking tracks so they can walk with therapists.

There still remains what Pope calls “a fundamental flaw in the system,” namely the lack of alternatives for mentally ill offenders who have paroled, particularly those with violent tendencies. “What can we do in the community on an inpatient or outpatient basis without having to send them back, because prison is not geared to address these kinds of things?” he asks. “We have done it by default, but really is that the ideal situation?”

Sixteen beds are available for mentally ill parolees at the Bonneville Community Correction Center on Salt Lake City’s west side.

The halfway house is in the middle of a warehouse business district and the majority of its 74 beds are for sex offenders.

Adult Probation and Parole Assistant Regional Administrator Dan Chesnut runs Bonneville and says that generally not all the 16 beds earmarked for mentally ill parolees are occupied at any one time. He notes that many parolees with mental illness function very well in the community, particularly if they are well supported by their family. “They face some of the issues that all parolees face,” he says, such as getting work, as well as others unique to them, like being medication-compliant. “A larger percentage succeeds than don’t,” he says.

Bonneville’s mentally ill parolee program overlaps, to some degree, with the Mental Health Review Team (MHRT), which “coordinates information exchange and discusses solutions for individuals with mental health issues,” Johnson writes in an email. MHRT was in response, Dr. Allan Rice says, to the recidivism rate of mentally ill offenders being six times that of people who are not mentally ill. Rice is the clinical director for the Salt Lake County Mental Health Court. He expresses frustration that the weekly meeting of Adult Probation and Parole agents, treatment providers and himself have never grown beyond the size of the pilot program of 12 parolees referred by Corrections. “I’m amazed it hasn’t been used more,” he says.

now, and Kinikini says, “He hasn’t hurt anybody. The system has hurt him more than possibly anybody else.”

When Haas paroled, Kinikini says, he went “from this strange netherworld and it’s like jumping off a cliff.” Haas told a parole hearing officer, when he left prison, he stood alone in the outside world and thought, “Wow, how the hell do I do this?”

He paroled three times. The first time in May 2015 lasted a month and a half. He lived with his mother but says they had a falling out. He went to the halfway house Fortitude Treatment Center, only to encounter officers who had known him at the prison. He took off for the amusement park Lagoon, a relative bringing him back. The second time he paroled—in August 2015, this time to live with an aunt—things again didn’t go well, and he took off once more. When AP&P agents picked him up from jail, he asked them to “pull over and put a bullet in my head.”

Adult Probation and Parole Agent Katie Bennett told a board hearing that Haas’ emotional and mental disability made parole hard for him. Over-burdened parole officers with 60-strong caseloads didn’t have the time to hand-hold him through the complexities and demands of parole. The agency wanted him evaluated to see if he qualified for “the mental health halfway house to get stabilization and really get back on his feet,” she said.

Since treatment plans are federally protected, the board can’t comment on why Haas didn’t go to Bonneville’s mentally ill offender program.

A few days into his third parole, on Jan. 26, 2016, rather than absconding once more, Haas returned to Fortitude drunk and high on meth. “I went there, I told them, ‘I need help, I want to go to rehab,’” he says. Instead, Fortitude sent him back to prison.

He couldn’t do parole, he told a hearing officer, it was too hard and there were too many conditions. “AP&P wants me to go to mental health classes and have a job. I can’t do both.”

His next parole hearing is in January.

Kinikini visited Haas in Uinta 1 in January 2017. Haas began lucidly but became agitated and angry over his parole history.

He’d burned his bridges as far as relatives who would take him into their homes. When Kinikini asked him where he could stay, other than a halfway house, he had no idea.

“I don’t know, I can’t go anywhere.” And a halfway house, Kinikini fears, is little more than a return ticket to prison. “My sense of Haas is if you throw him into a room of typical parolees with substance abuse problems, there’s zero chance he’s not going to tag along somewhere and get high,” he says.

On the outside, Kinikini says, Haas needs “wrap-around services, substance abuse, mental health. Without that, I don’t think he can make it.”

Kinikini’s visit ended with Haas babbling in his own version of German. He repeated this behavior with a City Weekly reporter who interviewed him a week later. After 15 minutes of questions, Haas accused the reporter of knowing the homespun, German derivative language and refusing to acknowledge it.

In English, he said he was “unjustly” being held in the prison, that “these fucking lames can send me back” to what he now claimed was his ancestral home, Germany. “I’m not an American, I’m an idiot savant,” he said. He then threw up his arms and pronounced his fate in two words: “I’m done.” CW

STEPHEN DARK

Payne says he did his mandatory one-year out of the 15, and six more years on top of that.

He wishes, he says, if only for his mother’s sake, the prison would “let her baby boy go home.”

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18 | MARCH 9, 2017

Pygmalion Theatre Co.: Eleemosynary

The word “eleemosynary” simply means charity.

However, in the context of Pygmalion Theatre Co.’s production of Eleemosynary, it more specifically refers to “having or showing a concern for the welfare of others—even when they’re family.”

Lee Blessing’s play, about three generations of women, is an extraordinary look into the complications of family.

The nonlinear storytelling starts near the end, with the family’s eccentric matriarch, Dorthea (Barb Gandy), having recently suffered a stroke.

She’s looked after by her intelligent, spelling beechampion granddaughter Echo (Sydney Shoell), whom she raised. Dorthea’s daughter and Echo’s mother, Artie (Tracie Merrill) has kept her distance from her mother since she was 18, and her daughter since Echo was 2. As their history unfolds, all three alternately play narrator, laying out the exposition of each situation that has shaped them—for better or worse.

Anyone with a family, particularly mothers and daughters, will identify with at least one of the characters—or maybe all three. It’s both heartbreaking and heartfelt as the women go on their own personal journeys. Gandy, Merrill and Shoell are exceptional in their roles, feeling and acting like complex family members.

Hopefully, you’ll find Eleemosynary speaks to you on some level. And if not, at least you’ll know how to spell “eleemosynary” by the end. (Missy Bird) Pygmalion Theatre Co.: Eleemosynary @ Rose Wagner Performing Arts Center Black Box Theatre, 138 W. 300 South, through March 11, Thursday-Friday, 7:30 p.m.; Sunday matinees, 2 p.m., $20, pygmalionproductions.org

Complete listings online @ cityweekly.net

FRIDAY 3/10

Chess: Concert Version

At first glance, a musical centered around an international game of chess, espionage and starcrossed lovers seems like an imagined play created from a game of Mad Libs.

But with award-winning music created by Björn Ulvaeus and Benny Andersson of ABBA (yes, that ABBA), Chess successfully brings all these components together to give a human face to the Cold War. What begins as an international chess match between an American and Soviet quickly transforms into a demonstration of the ways big political ideologies can interrupt and destroy the lives of the little people trying to live with them.

Karen Azenberg, Pioneer Theatre’s artistic director, says the fraught history between the Soviets and Americans is particularly relevant in today’s political climate. “It’s sort of this very interesting statement about American and Russian political relationships, and so there’s some very, very timely nature to the subplot of this story, which I think is kind of fun and exciting,” Azenberg says. “You get to see a show written 30 years ago and be, like, ‘Wait, I think they wrote it last week.’”

Azenberg says the minimalist “concert version” production—including the 1980s radio hit “One Night in Bangkok”—allows people to revel in the score without the strings that would come in a fuller production. “This is one of those fabulous musical theater scores that everybody likes to listen to, but it doesn’t get performed very often because the book isn’t as wonderful as the score,” Azenberg says. (Kylee Ehmann) Chess: Concert Version @ Pioneer Theatre Co., 300 S. 1400 East, 801-581-6961, March 10, 7:30 p.m.; March 11, 2 & 7:30 p.m., $25-$40, pioneertheatre.org

BRENDEN DELZER

COURTESY PIONEER THEATRE CO.

ROBERT HOLMAN

THURSDAY 3/09

ENTERTAINMENT PICKS, MARCH 9-15, 2017

ASIAN ARTISTS PRODUCTIONS

ESSENTIALS

the

SATURDAY 3/11

Jeff Corwin

In recent times, animal handlers have become celebrities of sorts. Jack Hanna’s frequent visits to The Tonight Show always guaranteed hilarious encounters between host Johnny Carson and the unusual creatures Hanna would have in tow.

The late Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin became an international sensation, thanks to his obvious love affair with the animals he interacted with in the wild and his engaging sense of humor.

Jeff Corwin’s performance includes guest appearances by live wild animals, but the focus of the presentation is on conservation and the role we can all play in helping to protect these animals. Corwin takes his role as a wildlife biologist and nature conservationist seriously, although his fame has spread through the programs he’s produced for Animal Planet and Discovery Channel.

Combining personality, humor, reverence for Mother Nature and a spirit of adventure, those shows—Jeff Corwin Unleashed, The Jeff Corwin Experience, Ocean Mysteries with Jeff Corwin and Corwin’s Quest among them—have garnered him multiple Emmy nods, and even kudos from People Magazine, which named him one of their “50 Most Beautiful People.”

However, success hasn’t been without its challenges; while filming an episode of Planet in Peril for CNN, he was inadvertently attacked by an elephant, permanently injuring his arm. “Elephants are complex animals with a huge array of emotions … and this was his way of telling me he didn’t want to be ignored,” Corwin said after the incident. Yeah, we’ll take him at his word.

(Lee Zimmerman) Jeff Corwin @ Eccles Center, 1575 Kearns Blvd., Park City, 435-655-8252, March 11, 7:30 p.m., $29-$79, ecclescenter.org

SATURDAY 3/11

Golden Dragon Acrobats

Grace. Power. Beauty. These are the words the Cangzhou, Hebei province-based Golden Dragon Acrobats use to describe their production.

Acrobatic displays are perpetually reaching for new heights and thrills, and these performers have kept up with that pursuit, all while maintaining their stylistic roots in the 25-century-old Chinese tradition. Their work has paid off, as they are able to claim recognition in the United States and abroad as “the premiere Chinese acrobatic touring company of today,” according to their website.

Physical prowess and athletic skill are centerpieces here. Juggling takes multiple forms, and general acrobatics dominate it all, though the beautiful costumes of brilliant hues are worthy of noting in their own right. Extreme heights and hoops of many sizes add to the excitement the Golden Dragon Acrobats promise.

Alternate versions of the Golden Dragon origin story have them founded either by Lien Chi Chang in 1967 with his family, or by Danny Chang, his son. Both contributed significantly to the group as it is now, but Lien Chi launched the smaller version, on which Danny based this bigger touring company. Danny now acts as the show’s artistic director, and under his guidance they have toured continuously since 1978, averaging 200 performances per year, including two runs in Broadway’s New Victory Theater.

If you like circuses, thrills and watching people do things you know should be impossible, chances are good you’ll enjoy the Golden Dragon Acrobats. (Casey Koldewyn) Golden Dragon Acrobats @ Eccles Theater, 131 S. Main, 801-355-3787, March 11, 2 & 8 p.m., $15-$30, artsaltlake.arttix.org

A&E

FASHION

NAOMI LEU

Designing Woman

Inside Rebecca Fenton’s haunted head for Utah Fashion Week.

BY ALEX SPRINGER comments@cityweekly.net @CaptainSpringer

O

March 14-21 utahfashionweek.com

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MARCH 9, 2017 | 19

UTAH FASHION WEEK

Long-long-long-read Interviews With Local Bands, Comedians, Artists, Podcasters, Fashionistas And Other Creators Of Cool Stuff Only On Cityweekly.net!

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place late in the week, several designers in addition to Fenton are ready to present work at other events focused on swimwear, urban and bridal. “You can expect to see a number of local designers presenting their collections in a bunch of different categories,” Fenton says. “It’s fun, exciting, energetic—if you like creative people, this is a great place to go and mingle.”

As soon as Utah Fashion Week wraps up, Fenton will be busy preparing for SLUG Magazine’s 28th anniversary fashion show on Saturday, March 25. “After that, it’s pretty much business as usual,” she says.

“I’ll be looking at putting a few designs into production—not massive production, but to the point where they’re being sold in shops around the world again.”

Despite the obligatory allure of fashion destinations like New York or Los Angeles, Fenton has chosen to help establish a beachhead of local fashion here in Utah.

“L.A. and New York don’t need any more artists and designers,” she says. “I think Utah is actually a hub of creativity. Our fashion community runs the gamut of talent and interests—I don’t think you can pin it down to just one thing. Utah hasn’t molded just one type of designer.”

For those up-and-coming fashion designers that are hesitant to jump into the game, Fenton is an excellent example of someone who has made her environment into a product of herself and not the other way around. “Keep going for it,” she says.

“It’s definitely something that can be done and done well. Just be willing to adapt and grow, because it’ll all come with time.” CW

RUSSEL ANDERSON

Rebecca Fenton

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mysterious, darker edge—it’s going to get weird!”

Fenton’s unique perspective comes from the fact that sewing, fashion and modeling have been a fixture in her life since she was very young. “I have been sewing since I was 7, and I’ve always had my own offbeat aesthetic. Nothing ever interested me as far as current fashions or what was already in stores, so I started sewing for myself,” she says. She and her sisters were accustomed to wearing their mother’s handmade dresses, and fashion design was simply a way of life in her family. “My grandmother was a fashion model, and my mom was a child model—fashion was in our blood. I grew up around it, and just learned to design from osmosis,” she says.

Fenton channeled her creative passion into several different outlets—including, but not limited to, learning how to pilot a helicopter. “Life is just too freaking short,” she says. “The world is an interesting place—I find passion in different things and just go for it.” Since 1997, she’s operated Haunted Head Clothing, an Etsy shop that has helped her work reach an international audience. Fenton eschews mass production on principle, and she’ll usually only make one or two identical pieces before moving on to something new. “I love one-of-a-kind and custom designs—anything that’s dramatic and mysterious,” she says. “I also like a little bit of sexy, but nothing over the top.”

It’s her penchant for designing fashion for “mysterious, fantastic and strong women,” as she puts it, that got her involved with Utah Fashion Week. Two years ago, when the event was known as Provo Fashion Week, event organizers asked Fenton to be a part of the show. “I think ‘exposure’ is sometimes a dirty word in this industry, but it’s extremely beneficial,” she says.

“Utah Fashion Week does a great job at marketing their designers, and I’ve always enjoyed working with them.”

While the avant-garde show takes

ALL THE NEWS THAT WON’T FIT IN PRINT

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n occasion, a designer will claim to be inspired by steampunk, sci-fi and fantasy, only to reveal that the work is more akin to yet another amateur cosplayer’s online modeling portfolio.

While there’s nothing wrong with cosplay, it’s not fashion in the true sense of the word—rather, it’s what Tim Gunn would call “costumey” in a polite tone that conceals an ocean of derision. That being said, it’s a rarity to find a fashion designer like Rebecca Fenton, who can successfully capture the essence of those oft-misappropriated inspirations and weave them into runway-ready high fashion.

When we spoke on the phone, Fenton had sequestered herself within the confines of her home studio in Farmington in preparation for Utah Fashion Week.

Prepping a collection for Utah’s most prestigious fashion event is hectic, but she was happy to carve out some time in her busy schedule to chat about this year’s event. “I’m dong the avant-garde show [Saturday, March 18], and I’m hoping these pieces are going to be wearable art,” she says. “Of course, they’re going to have my

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20 | MARCH 9, 2017

moreESSENTIALS

COMPLETE LISTINGS ONLINE @ CITYWEEKLY.NET

PERFORMANCE THEATER

Annie The Ziegfeld Theater, 3934 S. Washington Blvd., Ogden, 855-944-2787, through March 18, 7:30 p.m., theziegfeldtheater.com Chess Pioneer Memorial Theatre, 300 S. 1400 East, 801-581-6961, March 10-11, 2 & 7:30 p.m., pioneertheatre.org (see p. 18) Eclipsed University of Utah Department of Theatre, 240 S. 1500 East, 801-581-6448, March 9-11, 7:30 p.m.; matinee March 11, 2 p.m., theatre.utah.edu Eleemosynary Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, 801-355-2787, through March 11, artsaltlake.org (see p. 18) Golden Dragon Chinese Acrobats Eccles Theater, 131 S. Main, 801-355-2787, March 11, 2 & 8 p.m., live-at-the-eccles.com (see p. 18) Harbur Gate Salt Lake Acting Co., 168 W. 500 North, 801-363-7522, through March 12, saltlakeactingcompany.org How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying Empress Theatre, 9104 S. 2700 West, Magna, 801-347-7373, March 10-25, FridaySaturday, 7:30 p.m.; Saturday matinees, 2 p.m., empresstheatre.com Indiana Bones: Raiders of the Walmart Desert Star Playhouse, 4861 S. State, Murray, 801-2662600, through March 18, times vary, desertstar.biz Jim Crow’s Tears Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, 801-355-2787, Friday, March 10, 7:30 p.m., artsaltlake.org (see p. 8) Live Museum Theater Natural History Museum of Utah, 301 Wakara Way, 801-581-6927, through April 15, 11 a.m.-4 p.m., nhmu.utah.edu Lucia di Lammermoor Capitol Theater, 500 W. 200 South, 801-355-2787, March 11-17, 7:30 p.m.; March 19, 2 p.m., artsaltlake.org Luna Gale Emma Eccles Jones Conservatory, Westminster College, 1840 S. 1300 East, 801-484-7651, through March 11, 7:30 p.m., westminstercollege.edu/theatre Mary Poppins CenterPoint Legacy Theatre, 525 N. 400 West, Centerville, 801-298-1302, through March 25, centerpointtheatre.org Over the River and Through the Woods St. George Opera House, 212 N. Main, St. George, 435-627-4515, through April 8, times vary, sgmusicaltheater.com Peter and the Starcatchers Hale Center Theater, 225 W. 400 North, Orem, 801-226-8600, through April 8, times vary, haletheater.org Steel Magnolias Heritage Theatre, 2505 S. Highway 89, Perry, 435-723-8392, through March 25, 7:30 p.m., heritagetheatreutah.com

CLASSICAL & SYMPHONY

Norman Krieger: Beethoven’s “Tempest” Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, 801355-2787, March 14, 7:30 p.m., artsaltlake.org Utopia Early Music: First Light Cathedral Church of St. Mark, 231 E. 100 South, March 12, 5 p.m., utopiaearlymusic.org

COMEDY & IMPROV

Chris Redd Wiseguys Ogden, 269 25th St., 801-6225588, March 10-11, 8 p.m., wiseguyscomedy.com Golden Spike Comedy & Podcast Festival Wiseguys SLC, 194 S. 400 West, 801-532-5233, through March 11, 6:30 p.m., wiseguyscomedy.com ImprovBroadway 496 N. 900 East, Provo, 909260-2509, Saturdays, 8 p.m., improvbroadway.com

Improv Comedy Ziegfeld Theater, 3934 Washington Blvd., Ogden, 435-327-8273, Saturdays, 9:30 p.m., ogdencomedyloft.com Laughing Stock Improv The Off Broadway Theatre, 272 S. Main, 801-355-4628, Fridays & Saturdays, 10 p.m., laughingstock.us Margaret Cho Wiseguys SLC, 194 S. 400 West, 801-532-5233, March 11, 7 & 9:30 p.m., wiseguyscomedy.com Never Not Funny Wiseguys SLC, 194 S. 400 West, 801-532-5233, March 10, 7:30 p.m., wiseguyscomedy.com Nick Vattertott Golden Spike Event Center, 116 S. Rio Grande, 801-532-5233, March 10, 8 p.m., wiseguyscomedy.com Off the Wall Comedy Improv Draper Historic Theatre, 12366 S. 900 East, Draper, 801-5724144, Saturdays, 10:30 p.m., drapertheatre.org Quick Wits Comedy 695 W. Center St., Midvale, 801-824-0523, Saturdays, 10 p.m., qwcomedy.com Sasquatch Cowboy The Comedy Loft, 3934 Washington Blvd., Ogden, 435-327-8273, Saturdays, 9:30 p.m., ogdencomedyloft.com T.J. Miller Wiseguys SLC, 194 S. 400 West, 801532-5233, March 9, 7 & 9:30 p.m., wiseguyscomedy.com wellRed Comedy Tour Wiseguys SLC, 194 S. 400 West, 801-532-5233, Mar 10, 7p.m., Wiseguyscomedy.com

LITERATURE AUTHOR APPEARANCES

Rob Carney: 88 Maps Pioneer Book, 450 W. Center St., Provo, 801-356-2931, March 14, 6:30 p.m., pioneerbook.com C. R. Langille Barnes & Noble, 7157 Plaza Center Drive, West Jordan, 801-282-1324, March 11, 1 p.m., barnesandnoble.com Jeff Zentner: Goodbye Days The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, 801-484-9100, March 13, 7 p.m., kingsenglish.com Caryn Larrinaga: Donn’s Hill Weller Bookworks, 607 Trolley Square, 801-328-2586, March 14, 6:30 p.m., wellerbookworks.com Alywn Hamilton, Renee Ahdieh, Lesley Livingston and Natalie C. Anderson The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, 801484-9100, March 15, 7 p.m., kingsenglish.com

SPECIAL EVENTS FARMERS MARKETS

Winter Market Rio Grande Depot, 300 S. Rio Grande St., through April 22, Saturdays, 10 a.m.2 p.m., slcfarmersmarket.org

TALKS & LECTURES

1 Million Cups Impact Hub, 150 S. State, Ste. 1, 385-202-6008, Wednesdays through June 14, 9 a.m., hubsaltlake.com Brandon Stanton: Humans of New York Kingsbury Hall, 1395 E. President Circle, 801-5817100, March 9, noon, tickets.utah.edu The Shadow Dance of the Feminine and Masculine Saltair Room, University of Utah Union, 200 S. Central Campus Drive, Salt Lake City, 801656-8806, March 9, 7-9 p.m., jungutah.com Books and Bridges: Rasoul Sorkhabi on Rumi Weller Bookworks, 607 Trolley Square, 801-3282586, March 11, 2 p.m., wellerbookworks.com

Do We Still Live in a Democracy? Sorensen Unity Center, 1383 S. 900 West, March 11, 6-9:30 p.m., tanjalondon.com Jeff Corwin Eccles Center, 1750 Kearns Blvd., Park City, 435-655-3114, March 11, 7:30 p.m., ecclescenter.org (see p. 18)

VISUAL ART GALLERIES & MUSEUMS

Innovative tableware creations in clay (Francesca DiMattio’s “Fetish Sculpture” is pictured) are featured in the group show Groundbreaking at Kimball Art Center (1401 Kearns Blvd., Park City, 435-649-8882, kimballartcenter.com), through April 16.

th

th

(per person, based on double occupancy)

4 Nights in Athens, 5 Nights in Crete

EMAIL JBRIGGS@CITYWEEKLY.NET FOR TRIP DETAILS Limited spots available. *Triple and single occupancy rates available *Airfare not included, **does not include historic sites or museum fees

MARCH 9, 2017 | 21

Tour Greece with someone who speaks the language and knows what to see!

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See Greece like a local..... september 15 - 25 Price: $1350*

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Aleta Boyce: Dreams of A Lucid Traveler Art Access Gallery, 230 S. 500 West, Ste. 125, 801328-0703, through March 10, accessart.org Brent Hale: Creatures of Imagination Art at the Main, 210 E. 400 South, through March 11, artatthemain.com Christopher Boffoli: Food for Thought Kimball Art Center, 1401 Kearns Blvd., Park City, 435-6498882, through March 19, kimballartcenter.org Collect Alice Gallery, 617 E. South Temple, 801274-7270, through March 20, heritage.utah.gov En Plein Air: Levi Jackson and Adam Bateman Rio Gallery, 300 S. Rio Grande St., through March 10, heritage.utah.gov From the Heart: Expressions in Fiber Utah Cultural Celebration Center, 1355 W. 3100 South, West Valley City, 801-965-5100, March 9-April 26, culturalcelebration.org The Future Isn’t What It Used to Be Street + Codec Gallery, Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through May 13, free, utahmoca.org Groundbreaking: Innovations in Clay Kimball Art Center, 1401 Kearns Blvd., Park City, 435649-8882, through April 16, kimballartcenter.org (see right)

Hands Up, Don’t Shoot Mestizo Institute of Culture and Arts, 631 W. North Temple, Ste. 700, through March 9, free, 801-596-0500, mestizocoffeehouse.com Imagining Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through April 15, utahmoca.org Jared Steffensen and Christopher Kelly: Get Used To It CUAC, 175 E. 200 South, 385-2156768, through March 13, cuartcenter.org Karen Horne: A Touch of Romance Horne Fine Art, 142 E. 800 South, 801-533-4200, through March 15, hornefineart.com Lindsay Daniels: Nepal Rises Sprague Library, 2131 S. 1100 East, 801-594-8640, through March 18, slcpl.org Marc Toso: Ancient Nights Art Access Gallery, 230 S. 500 West, Ste. 125, 801-328-0703, through March 10, accessart.org Only God Can Judge Me Utah Museum of Contemporary Art Projects Gallery, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through March 18, utahmoca.org Paul Vincent Bernard and Rose Umerlik: Modern & Minimal J GO Gallery, 408 Main, Park City, 435-649-1006, through March 15, jgogallery.com Rona Pondick & Robert Feintuch: Heads, hands, feet; sleeping, holding, dreaming, dying Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through July 15, utahmoca.org Shonto Begay: Aje’ Ji’—The Heart Way Modern West Fine Art, 177 E. 200 South, 801355-3383, through March 11, 5 p.m.-9 p.m., modernwestfineart.com World of the Wild Art Show Hogle Zoo, 2600 E. Sunnyside Ave., 801-584-1700, through March 12, Monday-Saturday, 10 a.m.-3:30 p.m., hoglezoo.org

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DINE

Goat and more at El Cabrito and Julia’s Mexican eateries.

BY TED SCHEFFLER tscheffler@cityweekly.net @critic1

Siegfried’s Deli Serving Imported Beers & Wine Open M-W 9am-6pm Th-Sat: 9am-9pm

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nited States immigration policy has been in the news and on our minds for some time now, but has reached a boiling point with the new Trump administration. As someone who has written thousands of reviews, I can’t even imagine restaurants in Utah—or anywhere in the U.S., really—thriving without the work of Mexican and other Latin American immigrants. Nor can I imagine our culinary palette being anywhere near as robust and varied as it is without the wide spectrum of flavors immigrants from around the globe bring to our tables.

Rose Park’s El Cabrito is one such eatery, a place where family members of multiple generations work side-by-side to bring stellar Mexican food and south-of-the-border-style amabilidad to their customers, most of whom seem to be regulars.

Cabrito in Spanish means young goat.

And in Mexico, there are many styles of cabrito, ranging from roasted al pastor and oven-baked al horno to en salsa (in sauce) and stewed birria. You can’t go wrong with goat in any of its forms at El Cabrito, but especially wallet-worthy is the goat consommé called consomé de chivo ($9.99). Most, if not all, dishes are less than $10. On one visit, our pozole, enchilada platter, carnitas taco, tostada, soft drinks and takeout order of carnitas meat totaled around $31.

If you’re not quite sure about goat but would like to try it, I recommend the enchiladas ($9.99). It’s a plate of three large corn tortillas stuffed with tender, shredded, barbecued goat meat, baked and bathed in a rich, dark mole sauce, then smothered with shredded lettuce, tomato and crumbled Mexican cheese. The dish also includes traditional housemade refried beans and Mexican-style rice. Other enticing enchilada options include lengua (beef tongue), cabeza (beef head meat) and carne asada.

One of the things that makes El Cabrito so special is the tortillas. Both the corn and flour versions are housemade, so even the simple tostada that came alongside my order of pozole ($8.99) was wonderful: a fresh, crispy, flash-fried corn tortilla topped with refritos, lettuce, tomato and cheese. The pozole was a “white” version—

TED SCHEFFLER

U

BEST SAUSAGES

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a huge bowl of shredded pork and hominy in a light, delicious pork broth with fresh tortillas and accompaniments like shredded cabbage, hot sauce and oregano on the side. The portion was so large that it fed me lunch for two additional days.

A reader recently reached out to me, asking where he might find a good torta in town. Tortas are sort of a Mexican version of a hero or submarine sandwich: toasted buns typically smeared with mashed black beans and avocado, and stuffed, in the case of El Cabrito’s, with choices like chicken Milanese (Milanesa de pollo), carnitas, barbacoa de chivo, cabeza and other meats. Burritos ($5.99), sopes ($4.99) and tacos ($2.25) are also available with the same range of stuffings. By the way, the tacos served here aren’t street-size. They’re ginormous. One carnitas taco and a side of rice makes for a satisfying meal at less than $5.

Oh, and about those carnitas: They’re bomb. The ladies in the kitchen slow-roast pork throughout the day and night until it’s moist, tender and glistening before chopping and shredding the meat to the consistency of Carolina pulled pork. The flavor is so rich and satisfying that you’ll want to buy extra to take home. Well, you’re in luck because the nice folks there sell ready-to-eat carnitas meat to take out for a mere $6 per pound—even cheaper than it would be to make at home. For $11.99 you can get a pound of carnitas, plus tortillas, cilantro, onions and limes; add rice and refried beans for an additional $2. The same type of takeout deal is available for the scrumptious barbacoa de chivo, priced at $10.99 per pound (meat only), $15.99 and $20.99, respectively.

Initially, someone told me that the staff

El Cabrito’s goat enchiladas didn’t speak much English at El Cabrito, but that wasn’t the case. Servers we encountered were helpful and spoke perfect English. So, don’t be deterred if your Spanish isn’t too swell.

I was bummed a while back to learn that Midvale’s El Mana restaurant, one of my favorite spots for goat and other authentic menu items—birria en caldo, birria de res and lamb tacos, for example—had closed.

However, not all the goat is gone. I’ve written about it in the past, but as a reminder: Another excellent eatery where you can get your goat is Julia’s in Rose Park. Dining at this cash-only establishment is like having your abuela cooking for you. Doña Julia makes everything from scratch in her tiny kitchen and tends to all customers like they’re family.

The birria at Julia’s is off the hook, and I love all of her hearty stews and sopas and magnificent menudo. But the one dish you don’t want to pass up is birria de chivo: young goat marinated in a mild mix of guajillo chiles, garlic, cumin, oregano, onion and other seasonings before it’s slowcooked until toothsome and tender. It’s truly great goat. CW

EL CABRITO

956 W. 1000 North, SLC 801-363-2645 JULIA’S

51 S. 1000 West, SLC 801-521-4228

Contemporary Japanese Dining 18 MARKET STREET • 801.519.9595

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LUNCH • DINNER • COCKTAILS

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FOOD MATTERS

BY TED SCHEFFLER

SWEN GAILEN

@critic1

Laziz at Night

Expand your perspective – Broaden your vision – Let your palate roam

60 East 800 South, Salt Lake City, UT (385) 528-3675 www.theeklektik.com

Fans of the marvelous Middle Eastern cuisine, great vibe and friendly service at Laziz Kitchen (912 S. Jefferson St., SLC, 801-441-1228, lazizkitchen.com) will be happy to know that owners Derek Kitchen and Moudi Sbeity have expanded their restaurant hours to include dinner service on Fridays and Saturdays, from 5-10 p.m. Dinner menu items include dishes such as cauliflower stew; kafta beef patties with vermicelli; grilled cod with lemon, spices and rice pilaf; maghmoor chickpeas and eggplant; and a bone-in chicken breast with a sumac dish called djeij. Laziz also sports a small but well-selected wine and beer menu.

Appellation at Manoli’s

On March 15, Manoli’s (402 E. 900 South, SLC, 801-532-3760, manolison9th.com) teams up with Scott Woodward from Appellation Wine Co. to host a wine dinner highlighting some of California’s true family estate wineries. The evening features a six-course tasting menu paired with five wines from Zocker, Tangent, Baileyana Firepeak and True Myth.

Dinner courses include shrimp crudo; myzithra-brined crispy quail; housemade hylopita pasta with spiced lamb, cinnamon-tomato sauce and whipped myzithra; and glyka—bay leaf-lemon posset with coriander-pink peppercorn sable—for dessert. The cost for the dinner is $50 per person for the tasting menu and $45 for the optional wine pairings, plus tax and gratuity.

Award Winning Donuts

705 S. 700 E. | (801) 537-1433

Este at 1

Congrats to owner David Heiblim and all the good folks at Este Deli (1702 S. Main, SLC, 801-487-3354, estepizzaco.com), who celebrated their first anniversary. Since opening, Este has cultivated a base of loyal customers who love their East Coast-style hoagies the same way they crave Heiblim’s New York-style pizzas at Este Pizzeria. The roast pork shoulder hoagie with broccoli rabe, garlic, roasted peppers and sharp provolone is second to none, but Este also offers vegan and vegetarian options like their scrumptious eggplant Parmesan sandwich. The deli also recently launched their Tightwad Tuesday specials, when $6 buys you any 6-inch hoagie, chips and a drink.

Quote of the week: “I’m sick of eating hoagies. I want a grinder, a sub, a foot-long hero. I want to live, Marge.”

—Homer Simpson Send tips to: tscheffler@cityweekly.net

S ON U W FOLLO GRAM A T S IN

KLY

WEE C L S @

BEER, WINE & SPIRITS

Celebrate Cerveza

Mexican-style brews, from clara to obscura.

BY TED SCHEFFLER tscheffler@cityweekly.net @critic1

I

non-domestic beer in the United States, and the fifth most popular beer worldwide. The truth is, Corona is easier to find here than it is in Mexico, since the American consumer seems to like its inoffensive, light, non-bitter, crisp flavors. I must admit, there are few beers that go down better on a beach or a boat.

When I’m in the mood for a light, crisp beer similar to Corona Extra, my pick is Pacifico Clara.

Also produced by Grupo Modelo and brewed in Mazatlán, Pacifico is a Mexican-style pilsner that’s a little more meaty than Corona, as well as slightly hoppier—one of the better light lagers from Mexico.

In the U.S., Epic Brewing makes an enjoyable and refreshing sessionstyle lager called Los Locos. It’s a Mexicanstyle lager that has natural lime juice and a

little sea salt added to balance hints of sweetness from corn adjuncts—sort of like a beer margarita that tastes great with nachos.

Another fun American beer with a sunny Mexico-influenced mindset is Wasatch Jalapeño Cream Ale. The beer seems to come and go, depending upon the whims of Wasatch Brewery founder Greg Schirf. I absolutely love this unusual brew when I can find it. Imagine a Schoenling Little Kings Cream Ale that’s been infused with fresh jalapeños.

This brew is light and refreshing—not too spicy—but brimming with appealing vegetal jalapeño flavors. It’s a wonderful summertime sipper.

The last domestic Mexican-style lager I recommend is Proper Brewing’s Little Sister Cerveza.

It’s a unique seasonal lager made with malted blue corn and German Tettnanger hops, named in honor of brewers Liam and Rio Connelly’s little sister’s 21st birthday. ¡Salúd! CW

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f you visit either of the restaurants I reviewed this week, you’ll have to enjoy your meals sans beer as neither eatery offers alcohol. However, both places do offer takeout, and El Cabrito sells fully cooked carnitas and roasted goat meats to-go, sold by the pound at very reasonable prices. So, you might want to hit your local grocer or liquor store to stock up on some good Mexican brews and stage a fiesta at home. Here are some terrific Mexican and domestic Mexican-style brews to enjoy anywhere.

Certain “dark” beers are called obscura in Mexico. One great one, sadly, is only available around the Christmas holidays.

But maybe that limited availability

contributes to the appeal of Noche Buena.

More readily available year-round is Bohemia Obscura. It’s a bock-style beer that was developed originally by German immigrant brewers in Mexico.

German-style brewing is also wellrepresented in another excellent Mexican obscura: Negra Modelo. This creamy, slightly sweet (off-dry) beer is complex, with hints of Mexican chocolate or mole.

It’s not too dissimilar from a German altbier, and pairs well with pork, lamb, goat and beef dishes.

Mexico’s modern beer industry began to develop thanks to an influx of German immigrants during the late 1800s, and from then through today, German brewing styles have greatly influenced Mexican beer making. That German influence can be credited for one of my favorite Mexican clear (clara) lagers: Bohemia Lager. It’s a complex, German-style light lager that is aged longer than most Mexican beers.

Bohemia has fragrant floral aromas and a somewhat nutty malt flavor.

The same gargantuan brewery that produces Negra Modelo—Grupo Modelo—also makes what has to be the most ubiquitous Mexican brew in this country: Corona Extra. Grupo Modelo, in turn, is owned by InBev, which also owns Budweiser. To be honest, I’m not a huge Corona crony. But, it certainly has its fans. It’s the best-selling

DRINK

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Know the Age of your Cheese Cut to Order!

• • • • • •

DUTCH SPICED CUMIN GOUDA (LEIDEN) SWISS RACLETTE GERMAN TILSIT SWEDISH FARMERS CHEESE DANISH BLUE CHEESE CREAMY & AGED HAVARTI

GOODEATS Complete listings at cityweekly.net Featuring dining destinations from buffets and rooms with a view to mom-and-pop joints, chic cuisine and some of our dining critic’s faves.

Pasta for the People since 1968

Banbury Cross

Dutch, German & Scandinavian Delicatessen

2696 Highland Dr. · 801-467-5052 · olddutchstore.com M-F 10am-6pm · Sat 9am-5pm · Closed Sunday ONLINE ORDERING AVAILABLE...EAT IN OR TAKE OUT

now serving breakfast

Want to win friends and influence people? Just hit the drive-thru at Banbury Cross, order a dozen of the day’s freshest doughnuts and bring them into the office.

A promotion, salary bump or corner office will soon be yours. That’s because, since 1986, Utahns have found the pastel yellow boxes filled with Banbury’s scrumptious raised and cake doughnuts simply irresistible. Ditto with their old-fashioneds, maple and chocolate bars, cinnamon crumb, strawberry frosted, cinnamon rolls, muffins, orange rolls and apple fritters. People who bring in these sinful delights to share with co-workers are just plain popular— beloved, even. So bring on the doughnuts, already!

705 S. 700 East, Salt Lake City, 801-5371433, facebook.com/banburycrossdonuts

Bruges Waffles & Frites

@

2005 E. 2700 SOUTH, SLC FELDMANSDELI.COM FELDMANSDELI OPEN TUES - SAT TO GO ORDERS: (801) 906-0369

MAR 11TH MAR 18TH MAR 25TH

hamilton cantonwise clark

grey on blues timmy the teeth

Consider yourself lucky to live in a city where the french-fry experience has been elevated to that of a true indulgence. Not content to let fries be a greasy sidekick to a waffle or sandwich, Belgians long ago began finessing their potato presentation, from selecting and cooking spuds to serving them in paper cones to the addition of sauces and condiments, all of which have helped the humble fry make the leap to an exalted frite. The crisp golden frites at Bruges Waffles & Frites are cooked to perfection and served with housemade dipping sauces including mayonnaise, aioli, greens, lemon pepper dill, Zensation, Brasil, fry sauce, curry, Zango, Andalouse, Samurai and Afterburner. In other words, they’re a star attraction.

Multiple locations, brugeswaffles.com

Cafe Rio

“Freeee meal!” Ah, those two glorious words are like music to the ears of all those who turn in a complete punch card at Café Rio. The Mexican grill started from humble beginnings in 1997 with a small shop in St. George. Since then, the restaurant has spread like wildfire with more than 100 locations across the United States. The salads are heavenly—or, as they call it, “unfreshingbelievable.” Create your own from options like shredded chicken, sweet pork, chile-roasted beef, grilled steak, black or pinto beans, cilantro-lime rice, cheese, guacamole, pico, jalapeño slices and much more—all piled high on a bed of lettuce and torilla base. Oh, and don’t forget the creamy tomatillo dressing. Multiple locations, caferio.com

italianvillageslc.com

5370 S. 900 E. / 801.266.4182 M ON-T HU 11a-11p / FR I -SA T 11a-12a / SU N 3p-10p

STORE

★★★★★

Eva

Though the plates are small, the flavors are of giant proportions at Eva in downtown Salt Lake City. The tapas-style restaurant, started by Chef Charlie Perry and named after his grandmother Eva Coombs, fuses together cooking techniques and tastes from all around the world. With inspiration from Mediterranean, Southern comfort and new American cuisine, we’re not quite sure what type of restaurant Eva is—we just know it’s good. All of the bread is baked fresh daily from Eva’s Bakery just down the street. 317 S. Main, Salt Lake City, 801-3598447, evaslc.com

GIFT CERTIFICATES TO UTAH’S FINEST

DEVOURUTAHSTORE.COM

TED SCHEFFLER

REVIEW BITES A sampler of Ted Scheffler’s reviews

AWARD WINNING INDIAN CUISINE

INDIAPALACEUTAH.COM 1086 WEST SOUTH JORDAN PARKWAY (10500 S.) #111 | 801.302.0777

The fire pit at The Roundhouse restaurant at Solitude Roundhouse

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When Deer Valley Resort purchased and took over operations of Solitude Mountain Resort last year, they probably weren’t anticipating having to remodel the iconic mid-mountain Roundhouse restaurant there. But, accidents happen: Last April, the 60-year-old structure burned to the ground while, due to lack of access and water, firefighters had to simply sit and watch the blaze. The good news is that the new Roundhouse is a much more modern eatery with improved seating capacity and, maybe ironically, a huge round fire pit in the center of the upstairs dining room.

Menu options here are divvied up into two parts: the Wasatch menu items and the Himalayan. All-American (and Canadian) foods like chicken pot pie, burgers, grilled chicken and poutine occupy the Wasatch side, while Eastern flavors beckon on the other, including vegetarian-friendly dishes like dal bhat (split lentil and vegetable stew), saag paneer (sautéed spinach with Indian cheese) and vegetable curry. Meat lovers will enjoy the richly flavored meat entrée, which includes both Himalayan-style butter chicken and tender, braised lamb curry, plus jasmine rice.

Reviewed Feb. 16. 12000 Big Cottonwood Canyon Road, Solitude, 801-534-1400, skisolitude.com

AUTHENTIC MEXICAN FOOD & Fresh Nayarit Style Seafood

Chakra Lounge

Mi Lindo

and Bar

Nayarit

145 E. 1300 S.  #303  801.908.5727 AS SEEN ON “ DINERS, DRIVE-INS AND DIVES”

4160 EMIGRATION CANYON ROAD 801 582-5807 | WWW.RUTHSDINER.COM

MARCH 9, 2017 | 27

-Creekside Patio -87 Years and Going Strong -Breakfast served daily until 4pm -Delicious Mimosas & Bloody Marys -Gift Cards for sale in diner or online

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BRING THE FAMILY UP EMIGRATION CANYON THIS WINTER

Next to Himalayan Kitchen

ChakraLounge.net 364 S State St. Salt Lake City

Serving American Comfort Food Since 1930

Indian Style Tapas

From the Creators of The Himalayan Kitchen

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The

FILM REVIEW

Ape-ocalypse Now Kong: Skull Island brings Vietnam to a war against monsters.

BY MARYANN JOHANSON comments@cityweekly.net @maryannjohanson

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O BI G SHINY ROB

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News from the geeks. what’s new in comics, games, movies and beyond.

hat’s the big surprise of Kong: Skull Island? No, it’s not a secret sequel to Peter Jackson’s 2005 film King Kong; the two movies are not connected in any way. And no, in fact, this Kong is not a sequel to 2014’s Godzilla, either, though the two are both part of the shared universe that’s being called the MonsterVerse.

No, the big surprise—not a spoiler!—is that Skull Island is a prequel to Godzilla.

After a brief introductory sequence set in 1944, the action jumps to 1973 and stays there—which lends a delicious retro analog vibe to the goings-on. A good reason to set this tale in 1973: It allows for mysterious Skull Island, hidden by a perpetual storm, to have been recently discovered in the South Pacific by the first Earthmapping satellites. Scientist Bill Randa (John Goodman) finally gets permission to take his team on a mission to the island; he has a pretty good idea what’s there via his top-secret government project, Monarch (referenced in Godzilla), which is documenting the existence of “massive unidentified terrestrial organisms.” (It’s like an X-Files for monsters.) So, off they go, accompanied by “tracker” James Conrad (Tom Hiddleston), photojournalist Mason Weaver (Brie Larson) and an escort of U.S. military who are about to demobilize from Vietnam. Once on the island, they meet Hank Marlow (John C. Reilly), who was shot down over the island in 1944—that’s the opening sequence—and has been stuck there ever since.

Boiled down to its bonkers essence, Skull Island is a Vietnam war movie with monsters. (Kong is far from the only one.) It’s Ape-ocalypse Now, with a waraddicted, possibly insane Lieutenant

WARNER BROS. PICTURES

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CINEMA

Colonel Preston Packard (Samuel L. Jackson), who is quite upset about the whole not-winning-in-Vietnam thing, going full Ahab and fixating on Kong as a war he can win. (He might be underestimating the capabilities of his squad.) So, while Skull Island has ironic fun with a running motif about how war can make a man see enemies every where—including in a giant ape who was just minding his own business until you started dropping bombs on him—there’s also a man vs. nature thing running alongside it: Mess with nature, and nature will mess right back, ferociously. It’s like Jurassic Park, with a lot less wonder and a hell of a lot more horror.

Oh, the gruesome, intense ickiness here! This movie is really pushing the boundaries of a PG-13 rating—or maybe it only feels that way when you’re watching in IMA X 3-D and it’s like the jungle bug slime and gore and monster vomit are all over you. This is a rare instance of 3-D being put to an actual use onscreen, rather than just serving as an excuse to hike ticket prices; there is real depth in the jungle, real dizziness to be found looking down from a high cliff. Jordan Vogt-Roberts, whose only previous feature film was the unpleasantly snide ultra-low-budget coming-of-age dramedy The Kings of Summer, has acquitted himself well with his first massive effectsdriven movie.

Kong: Skull Island

All the horror and the black comedy and the monster battles and the homages to a slew of other films—it all works, even crammed in like this, thanks in large part to the fine line the terrific cast walks on, treating it with just enough seriousness under the lashings of nonsense. Reilly steals the show as his lost-in-time pilot, but Hiddleston is a close second, plausibly rougher and tougher than we’ve seen him before in his first true action role. Larson’s role could be meatier, but she is not a damsel in distress, and she is not there for Kong to inexplicably fall in love with. In fact, the most offensive Kong tropes have been excised, though they are alluded to.

One or two groans are a necessary response to an obvious choice or two on the soundtrack of mostly awesome ’70s rock tunes, but that’s not much to complain about when so much could have gone wrong here. I would have said, after Peter Jackson’s Kong, that he didn’t need another reboot. But I’m glad we got this one. CW

KONG: SKULL ISLAND BBB.5

Tom Hiddleston Brie Larson John Goodman Rated PG-13

TRY THESE

exclusively on cityweekly.net

Jurassic Park (1993) Sam Neill Laura Dern Rated PG-13

King Kong (2005) Naomi Watts Jack Black Rated PG-13

The Kings of Summer (2013) Nick Robinson Gabriel Basso Rated R

Godzilla (2014) Aaron-Taylor Johnson Elizabeth Olsen Rated PG-13

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KEDI BBB.5 Let’s just stipulate that cats are adorable, and that a documentary that did nothing but observe cats being adorable could find a ready audience. But director Ceyda Torun does a little bit more in her study of the hundreds of thousands of stray cats living in Istanbul, Turkey, and some of the humans who grow attached to them. Torun does a fine job of turning her feline cast members into authentic characters, following them with enough attention to detail that they develop distinct personalities—the “neighborhood psychopath,” proud and aloof delicatessen denizen Smokey, etc. More emotionally affecting, though, is the sense of communal responsibility for these cats taken on by the citizens of Istanbul, many of whom feed or provide medical care out of their own pockets. Beyond simply addressing how a connection to animals provides people with a sense of purpose, it feels like an allegory for people thinking about homelessness—seeing not just an impossible-to-manage mass problem, but making connection with individuals deserving of care. It’s a glimpse of humanity at its best, turning its compassion outward. Opens March 10 at Broadway Centre Cinemas. (NR)—Scott Renshaw

CURRENT RELEASES BEFORE I FALL BB If Nicholas Sparks rewrote Groundhog Day as teen-angst melodrama, the same lessons would be learned, in the same order, only instead of funny Bill Murray learning them, it’s brooding Zoey Deutch. To be fair, Deutch gives a committed, nuanced performance many degrees better than the film deserves, playing Samantha, a mean-girl high school senior who dies one night, then keeps reliving her final day so she can atone for harassing unpopular students. The premise of reliving one day in a loop might be better suited to teens than grumpy weathermen anyway, given teens’ fondness for nihilism and having problems no one can relate to, and director Ry Russo-Young (adapting Lauren Oliver’s young-adult novel) hits all the beats you expect from a teen drama. But except for Deutch’s mature performance, everything is overly familiar, too mundane to justify its existence. (PG-13)—Eric D. Snider LOGAN BBB James Mangold strips the claw-wielding mutant formerly known as the Wolverine (Hugh Jackman) down to his brutal essence, in a story that finds him among the few surviving mutants circa 2029, along with a mentally deteriorating Charles Xavier (Patrick Stewart) and a mute, nearly feral young girl named Laura (Dafne Keen) fleeing government operatives. The parental dynamic between Logan and Laura drives much of the narrative, and Jackman digs deep to gather the loss we’ve seen the character endure over 17 years. Of course, much of Logan’s distinctive sensibility comes as a result of its R-rating, but the violent action

THE SHACK BB Essentially a golden-hued meditation on The Problem of Suffering, this adaptation of William P. Young’s best-selling Christian novel offers exactly what its target audience wants, and exactly nothing for anyone else. Sam Worthington stars as Mack, who has lost faith and hope after a family tragedy, then finds himself in an encounter with the Holy Trinity (including Octavia Spencer as God the Father). There’s enough conviction and professionalism in the performances that the pervasive beatific smiles don’t become immediately grating, but between the pointless narration and dialogue exchanges reducing deep quandaries of faith to comforting koans, it all feels like soft-serve spirituality for the faith-based audience. Wrestling with grief and despair is messy, but The Shack isn’t concerned with showing us that messiness. As long as we say “hallelujah” by the time CGI butterflies take wing, it’s done its job. (PG-13)—SR TABLE 19 BB If you’ve ever wished for a cinematic adaptation of The Love Boat, here’s a movie for you. It tells the story of a young woman named Eloise (Anna Kendrick, reunited with Rocket Science director Jeffrey Blitz) who reluctantly attends a wedding after being recently dumped by the best man, and finds herself exiled to the reception table populated by undesirables. Blitz races through multiple subplots like that vintage 1970s romantic anthology, tossing in just enough slapstick farce to offset the serious stories, like the disintegrating marriage of two Table 19 designees (Lisa Kudrow and Craig Robinson). Enjoyably goofy performances by Stephen Merchant and Tony Revolori provide momentary distraction, but the movie is too busy dashing from one plot point to the next to capture the despair of being a reluctant wedding guest. Where’s Isaac the Bartender when you need him? (PG-13)—SR

MARCH 9, 2017 | 29

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NERUDA BB.5 Give this much to Pablo Larraín: When he makes a film biography, he doesn’t take the obvious path, even if his own path leads him a bit astray. As he did with the recent Jackie, the director goes for an unconventional structure in this narrowly focused profile on Chilean poet/politician Pablo Neruda (Luis Gnecco), exploring his time in exile circa 1948 for his Communist views via fictionalized police officer Peluchonneau (Gael García Bernal), who is tasked with tracking him down. There’s a playful meta vibe to much of the action—“In this fiction, we all revolve around the protagonist,” a character says at one point—and Gnecco makes Neruda an earthy, often self-absorbed philanderer unworthy of the devotion of his wife (Mercedes Morán). But it’s hard to get a handle on what Larraín and screenwriter Guillermo Calderón mean to accomplish through Peluchonneau, and the backstory of his illegitimate parentage meant to fuel his Javert-esque pursuit.

There’s simply never enough connection between the two men to make it feel like the primary conflict belongs there, as opposed to anywhere else that Neruda’s copious appetites might lead him.

Opens March 10 at Broadway Centre Cinemas. (R)—SR

NAVAJO MATH CIRCLES At SLC Main Library, March 14, 7 p.m. (NR)

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KONG: SKULL ISLAND BBB.5 See review p. 28. Opens March 10 at theaters valleywide. (PG-13)

20TH CENTURY WOMEN At Park City Film Series, March 10-11, 8 p.m.; March 12, 6 p.m. (R)

sequences also begin to take on a numbing sameness. Still, it’s hard to complain about the ambition Mangold shows. Perhaps it’s impossible to completely shed comic-book movie tropes, but Logan earns its emotion by committing to the damaged man inside the Wolverine. (R)—SR

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TRUE

BY B I L L F RO S T @bill_frost

Couples, Retreat

TV

Yay! Meh. Boo.

Love returns for another shot at commitment; Trial & Error is only the latter.

Love Friday, March 10 (Netflix)

Season Premiere: In its 2016 debut season, Judd Apatow’s Love received wildly mixed reviews from real people and TV critics (who, it should always be noted, are not real people) alike. I was on the positive side—but, then again, I also liked Will Arnett’s universally despised Netflix baby Flaked, so there’s obviously something wrong with me.

Love birds Micky (Gillian Jacobs) and Gus (Paul Rust) still aren’t exactly right, either, but they’re giving the committed-relationship thing a go with predictably messy/ hilarious/sad results. Both Jacobs and Rust (and an everexpanding guest list) are fantastic and, at its best, Love plays like an introverted cousin of couplehood-is-hell MVP You’re the Worst. It’s a great place to be in Season 2, and the haters are still gonna hate.

Samurai Jack Saturday, March 11 (Adult Swim)

Return: Thirteen years ago, I wrote about the premiere of a new Cartoon Network series called Samurai Jack. Also more than a decade ago, friends would ask me, “Are you still doing that little TV review thing?” with the same regularity that they do now … sigh. Anyway, Samurai Jack was a simply plotted tale of a time-traveling warrior fighting his way through monsters, robots and general dystopia, as well as all-powerful villain Aku. While the stories were rudimentary (or often indecipherable), Samurai Jack’s dense, mind-tweaking animation set a standard that’s still rarely matched today; Hulu the original five seasons and behold for yourself. This final chapter of the saga looks to be up there with Logan in terms of brutality and finality. Catch up.

Trial & Error Tuesday, March 14 (NBC)

Series Debut: How to follow the season finale of all-thefeels tearjerker This Is Us? With wacky mid-season filler!

Trial & Error, a probably funnier-on-the-drawing-board hybrid of Making a Murderer and The Office, gives proven

comedic talents (including John Lithgow, Jayma Mays and Sherri Shepherd) a prime setup but little material to work with, emphasizing “small-town quirkiness” over what could have been biting comedy with a dark, media-overkill backhand (which It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia already did earlier this year). Lithgow goes big as a maybe-wifekilling poetry professor(!), but Trial & Error definitely won’t be a part of NBC’s comedy rebuild.

Hap & Leonard Wednesday, March 15 (Sundance)

Season Premiere: Missed Season 1? Of course you did—it was on Sundance, and who has that? After you check out the six-episode origin story of ’80s Texas ne’re-do-wells Hap (James Purefoy) and Leonard (Michael Kenneth Williams) on Netflix, come back for another installment of comic criminality that nearly rivals Fargo in sheer volume of WTF twists. Hap & Leonard Season 2 picks up with a new mystery to unravel (the death of Leonard’s uncle) and new cast of unsavory characters to butt heads with. (Spoiler: Few, not named Hap or Leonard, made it out of Season 1 alive). They’re just good(ish) guys in a bad, bad world; when you do get around to this series (because, again, Sundance), you’ll love ’em.

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Contract Crisis: Currently in its eighth season, Modern Family has (or had, depending upon when you get around to reading this) a problem: The contracts for stars Sofia Vergara, Julie Bowen, Ty Burrell, Eric Stonestreet, Jesse Tyler Ferguson and Ed O’Neill are up, and signing them all for the inevitable Season 9 would be almost as expensive as a Trump weekend getaway—give or take bronzer budget. The obvious solution? Kill the adults off-camera in a plane crash during the show’s annual Disney-vacation infomercial episode and refocus Modern Family on the kids.

Haley, Alex, Luke, Manny and Lily could easily take over and Party of Five the situation—hell, I’d watch a Lily solo series, even. You’re welcome, ABC.

Listen to Frost Mondays at 8 a.m. on X96 Radio From Hell, and on the TV Tan podcast via Stitcher, iTunes, Google Play and billfrost.tv.

A Straight Dude’s Favorite Gay Music Looking ahead to the day when music sees no preference.

BY RANDY HARWARD rharward@cityweekly.net

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HAYLEY KIYOKO

$

zolopht vocal reasoning

Pipitone is equal parts Paul Westerberg, Joan Jett and Woody Guthrie, wielding both guitar and pen like philosophical claymores. All nine of her records rule, but my first was her 1997 album Down to Money—so it’s my sentimental favorite.

Incidentally, Pipitone just released a new protest song inspired by Trump. Check out her Springsteen-esque call-to-arms “Not Going Down” and see if you don’t get fired up. Then do the same with her discography.

Smokey, How Far Will You Go? The S&M Recordings, 1973-81 (S&M, 1973, reissued on Chapter Music, 2015) John “Smokey” Condon was the face of what was really a writing duo of Condon and EJ Emmons. The pair wrote unapologetically gay songs (“Hot Hard & Ready,” “Ballad of Butchie & Claudine”) in genres ranging from rock to glam to prog and even disco. They’re dated, but that’s part of the fun of this campy, naughty romp. Plus, the fact that Condon and Emmons were being themselves in the ’70s—and started their own label when their out-and-proud ways were rejected at every turn—is pretty badass. And I didn’t even mention that Randy Rhoads and James Williamson of Iggy & the Stooges play on some of the tracks. CW

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fatigued entreaty—“please don’t break my big gay heart.” Suddenly, something I was told didn’t make sense, did. And I’m grateful for that epiphany because it ensured I’d be a good father to my big-hearted gay daughter, who was born seven years later.

Girlyman, “Viola” from Remember Who I Am (Daemon, 2003) I knew I’d like the debut album by this “harmony-driven gender pop” trio from the get-go. In the instrumental first 15 seconds of “Viola,” fingerpicked electric guitar and bass notes dance like a couple that is very much unto themselves, inhabiting this dreamy, gauzy bliss. Just like the faceless pair would want to preserve their moment, I wanted to loop this snippet into infinity.

Then Nate Borofsky sang with this gentle, wistful ache, and he was joined by Doris Muramatsu, then by Ty Greenstein—and the sound of their three voices intertwined is one of my favorite sounds, period.

Elton Motello, Victim of Time (Attic, 1978) Late one night in Austin, Texas, the unmistakable sound of late-’70s/early-’80s power pop, punk and new wave music lured me into a rock ’n’ roll novelty shop.

There, pushing incense, posters, T-shirts, toys and all my buttons, was the very attractive and supremely cool “NessMonster,” a guitar-playing vision in studded leather. We talked for an hour.

She sent me home with a playlist of pure goodness—including this English band’s debut album, a front-to-back rave-up bursting with slashing riffs, sing-along choruses and unabashedly gay lyrics that straddle the line between innuendo and erotica, but remain universally relatable.

Alison Pipitone, Down to Money (Songs O’ the Pie, 2017) I have Babs De Lay and KRCL to thank for turning me on to this Buffalo singer-songwriter in the early-aughts.

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o, pop star Hayley Kiyoko’s playing Kilby Court this week. I only know her because my daughter’s a fan. I’m not, but I respect Kiyoko for making bolder, smarter pop than you’d expect from a product of the Disney puppy mill. Plus, she’s escaped Disney and is out there being herself, wearing her lesbian identity proudly and showing that pop doesn’t have to be exclusively vapid or hetero/binary.

I want my daughter to have role models, not to mention music she can feel—not the somewhat encoded stuff we have from Queen, Judas Priest and Hüsker Dü/Sugar/ Bob Mould. As a straight dude, I can only guess that it must’ve been cool to decode secret messages and know you weren’t alone— but it was certainly also crappy to hide. I’m grateful that my little girl doesn’t have to be ashamed. But I do think she could use some better music.

It’s not that there needs to be “gay music,” per se. One day, when most of the world can comfortably accept where they land on the Kinsey Scale—closer to the middle than they think—it’s all gonna blend together. We won’t think about whether a song is necessarily straight or gay. Maybe we should start now. There’s a ton of LGBTQ-themed music I can get into, and I shared some of it with my daughter the other night. Maybe some other kid and his/her/their parents will dig it, too.

The Lemonheads, “Big Gay Heart” from Come On Feel The Lemonheads (Atlantic, 1993) Relevant because it was a revelation for a guy who learned what “homo” meant on his elementary school playground during the height of AIDS hysteria. In the song, Dando sings from the point of view of a gay man talking to a bigot, alternating between smoldering defiance—“I don’t need you to suck my dick or to make me feel good about myself”—and

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Changing Lives

Changing Lanes Experience is more than a cover band.

BY RANDY HARWARD rharward@cityweekly.net

F

ace-to-face interviews, as opposed to phone and email exchanges, allow you to look an artist in the eye when he or she tells you about their music—why they play, what inspires them. You can pair their sincerity with their songs, which usually enriches the listening experience. So it’s a bit of a drag when CJ Drisdom—the mover and shaker behind Salt Lake City cover/party band Changing Lanes Experience—asks if we can do the interview over WhatsApp because, “I’m in Brazil right now.”

Hold on a minute. Cover band? Sincerity?

Their music? Brazil? Yes, CLE is a cover band.

Yes, they play parties and weddings. But while they don’t necessarily play original music, they make the music they play their own. Not by putting a unique spin on the songs, but by inhabiting them, feeling them, channelling the spirit of the original artists’ versions—and infusing them with their own sincere desire to do the songs justice and leave an audience fulfilled.

That sounds like something a cover band would say. And that sounds like the canned stereotyping generally directed at them by critics as well as musicians struggling to get their original material heard. A cover artist would counter that they’ve chosen to make money instead of playing to empty rooms for free beer, literal-and-metaphorical peanuts and integrity. That sounds like something a cover band would say—a righteous justification for selling out. But is that what they’re doing?

“I’m pretty money-driven,” Drisdom says without a hint of apology in his voice— or in his eyes, which convey no less emotion over a spotty SLC-to-Rio de Janeiro video connection. He tells how he moved here from Compton with his family, got a job and tried to get original projects off the ground.

While he got a good response from anyone who heard his gospel music, it wasn’t paying the bills. In fact, it turned out to be an impediment. “I worked about 14 jobs in Salt Lake City,” he says, “and I got fired from all of them, pretty much.”

Left to right: band members Josh Francis, Matt Walton, Da’Jon Lang, Freida Auelua, Taryn Tolman, CJ Drisdom and Tom Gyuro.

At his last job at Albertson’s warehouse, Drisdom’s boss told him he’d seen him on the news playing bass with David Halliday in The Number Ones. “He said, ‘I think that you should be doing music full-time,’” Drisdom recalls. Sensing something was off, Drisdom asked if he’d done anything wrong. His boss said no, that he was “giving [me] that opportunity” to play music for a living. Drisdom appealed, saying he needed the job to support his wife and four children, but was sent away with his final check for $141.69. “I went home and told my wife that I’m never gonna ask for another job again, unless it’s music. And that was about four or five years ago.”

Changing Lanes plays everything from AC/DC and Beyoncé to Rihanna and Eric Church, as well as shows devoted entirely to Motown. They’re popular, averaging 100180 shows a year around the country, and they’ve backed Alex Boyé on America’s Got Talent. Drisdom’s reason for being in Brazil is to perform five shows—during Carnival—with Emily Ray. But there’s more to Changing Lanes, which Drisdom prefers to call “an artist cover band.”

The band’s profits go toward nurturing original projects by its members, who pledge to work with CLE for a certain period of time. It’s been successful, with the likes of American Idol finalist James Dawson VIII, Mimi Knowles and Joshy Soul passing through the band’s ranks. It sounds like a great deal—but even so, sometimes it’s a tough sell. Some prospective members tell Drisdom they’re artists; they don’t like to “do the cover thing.” He understands, of course, but boils it down for them. “I like to tell people, ‘I don’t really enjoy bein’ broke.’”

Ultimately, Changing Lanes is more than a cover band with a mission—it’s fulfilling in other ways. “We are a family, too,” Drisdom says. “We get together, we go to movies. It’s really cool … Changing Lanes changes lives.” CW

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THURSDAY 3/09 Umphrey’s McGee, Spafford

There’s hope for all you cover band wannabes yet! Just look to Umphrey’s McGee for inspiration. Now celebrating 20 years of creating music and mashups, the band recently released Zonkey (Nothing Too Fancy), an album that finds them replaying an unlikely set of songs—and a bizarre selection, at that. Somehow, they manage to mix ’70s reggae, ’80s pop and ’90s heavy metal, in odd influential pairings that have Radiohead mashed with Beck, The Weeknd alongside Fleetwood Mac, Talking Heads stoked with Bob Marley and Metallica grafted to Gorillaz.

Then again, with 10 eclectic albums, more than 100 shows a year and a devoted following, this jubilant jam band defies description.

They’re nothing if not daring—especially considering that just eight months after they first formed at Notre Dame in 1997, they released a debut album cheekily titled Greatest Hits Volume III. That’s a band with balls! (Lee Zimmerman) The Depot, 400 W. South Temple, 9 p.m., $27.50-$30, 21+, depotslc.com

SATURDAY 3/11

Minus the Bear, Beach Slang

Sometimes you get the bear, and sometimes the bear gets you. Seattle band Minus the Bear exists in an uncanny space where indie rock, jam-bandy experimentation, multipletime-signature math rock, comedy and science overlap. They’ve also demonstrated a wry sense of humor; 2004’s EP They Make Beer Commercials Like This (Arena Rock Recording Co.) included the song “Houston, We Have Uh-Oh” on its 2008 re-release.

Even the band name is an inside joke, but their music is friendly enough that you don’t

Minus the Bear

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have to catch every punchline to have a good time. I mean, they have a song referring, apparently, to physicist Michio Kaku (“Michio’s Death Drive”)—that’s heady stuff. The band’s sixth album, Voids (Suicide Squeeze), dropping days before this show in Salt Lake City, marks five years since their last, Infinity Overload (Dangerbird), and also introduces new drummer Kiefer Mathias. It’s a slicker, more dance-oriented sound overall, though their prog moves are still intact.

This Bear gets around. (Brian Staker) The Depot, 400 W. South Temple, 8 p.m., $20-$25, 21+, depotslc.com

SUNDAY 3/12

Joseph, The Marshall McLean Band

It might seem odd that a sibling trio chose the name Joseph, especially given the fact that they’re all women. Nevertheless, with a critically acclaimed Mike Mogis-produced debut, I’m Alone, No You’re Not (ATO), released last August, a No. 1 placement on

Umphrey’s McGee Billboard’s Heatseekers chart and a single (“White Flag”) that garnered more than 15.6 million Spotify streams, who are we to quibble? Truth be told, Allison, Meegan and Natalie Closner named themselves after their grandfather Jo and the Oregon town he called home. Given their effusive sound, dramatic delivery and sisterly harmonies, they seem destined to become the most successful girl group since another family act—by the name of Wilson Phillips—became a radio rage, thanks to a similar sort of pop proficiency. Opening act The Marshall McLean Band tends to be a bit darker, but, like Joseph, remarkably captivating and compelling. (LZ) The State Room, 638 S. State, 8 p.m., $24, 21+, thestateroomslc.com

Joseph

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SUNSLEEPER INDIGO PLATEAU

MARCH 10: MOTIONBOOKS PRESENTS:

8PM DOORS FREE SHOW

FORWARD VOL. 1 GRIZZLY SPECTRE JE$$ DISC JACQUE

MARCH 11: VICEROY

8PM DOORS

RAINER + GRIMM

MARCH 15: CLAP YOUR HANDS

8PM DOORS

SAY YEAH VITA AND THE WOLF

MARCH 16: SLUG LOCALIZED

8PM DOORS FREE SHOW

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AFTER PARADE SHENANIGANS

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MARCH 17: QUIET OAKS ALBUM RELEASE ANDREW GOLDRING STRANGE FAMILIA

MARCH 18: THE LAST PODCAST

ON THE LEFT MARCH 20: THRIFTWORKS YOKO 9PM DOORS SOLD OUT SHOW

8PM DOORS

VICIOUS PAYAM IMAMI

MARCH 21: DEAD MEADOW 8PM DOORS

MATT HOLLYWOOD & THE BAD FEELINGS SUPER 78

MARCH 22: WHY?

8PM DOORS

YOU CAN’T WIN, IF YOU DON’T PLAY

SCARY UNCLE STEVE WICKED BEARS

Donavon Frankenreiter isn’t the only singersongwriter to express sentiments that are near and dear. Over the course of his 17-year career, he’s made that a policy of sorts, and it’s clearly served him well. That said, his latest expressively titled album The Heart is easily his most personal statement yet—one that finds him assessing his life as a son, father, husband and traveling troubadour.

“All these songs are as close to me singing from the heart as I can,” Frankenreiter says in his official bio. And you can feel the emotion he conveys in the songs—particularly on the final song of the set, “California Lights,” which references his father’s fight with leukemia. Grant-Lee Phillips shares the bill—but he should be a co-headliner, given his own exceptional career, which dates back to the

THE AVENUES

8PM DOORS

SATURDAY, MARCH 18

Grant-Lee Phillips

Donavon Frankenreiter, Grant-Lee Phillips

THURSDAY, MARCH 16

GAMES TBD

DENISE SIEGEL

SATURDAY

OPEN MIKE EAGLE BOGAN VIA

MARCH 23: MOTHERSHIP

8PM DOORS

BLACK **** TURTLENECK WEDDING DRESS

COMING SOON Mar 24: Deafheaven Mar 25: That 1 Guy

Mar 25: Flash & Flare Mar 26: Nikki Lane

PIPER FERGUSON

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LIVE

late ’80s with Shiva Burlesque, who released two acclaimed albums before morphing into the mighty Grant Lee Buffalo in 1991, signing to the storied Slash Records label. GLB released four brilliant albums of dark, dusty alt-rock Americana before disbanding in the late ’90s. Now eight albums into a solo career, Phillips has scored for film and TV, and even done some acting. His presence on the bill guarantees a superb show. (LZ) Park City Live, 427 Main, 7:30 p.m. (doors), $20-$45, 21+, parkcitylive.net

WEDNESDAY 3/15

Save Ferris, Vista Kicks, Bombshell Academy, The Anchorage

What was in the water back in the ’90s that sparked such a glut of ska-punk bands?

Celebrating 20 years since inception, skapunk unit Save Ferris went from southern California adulation to signing to Epic, for which the group recorded two fairly highselling releases in the late ’90s. They went on hiatus for 10 years, but not before playing the Winter Olympics here in 2002, followed by an acrimonious breakup. The band was beloved enough that they still had fans upon their reunion in 2013—although singer Monique Powell was, and is, the only remaining original member—demonstrating they still had enough pull to sell out shows on their soCal home turf. Last year, singer Powell led the group to run a Pledge Music online fundraising campaign for their first new release since 1999. The Checkered Past EP (Withyn Records) is a breezy return to form. And this bill, featuring touring and local acts in the same vein, will activate your ’90s/third-wave ska nostalgia. (BS) Metro Music Hall, 615 W. 100 South, 7 p.m., $20-$25, 21+, metromusichall.com

RANDY HARWARD

CONCERTS & CLUBS

Erasole James

FRIDAY, MARCH 10TH

BONEPILE 9PM | 21+

FRIDAY 3/10

The Lox, Murda, Erasole James (EP release)

This was supposed to be a headlining show marking the release of Erasole James’ Memories de Miramar EP with a very special guest—but now it’s flipped. The prolific hometown rapper, born Harrison Montgomery, recently departed from local hip-hop group Dine Krew, but is still dropping MdM, the joint he was inspired to write while on an ecotourism trip to Cuba. “I went down there to go save the mangroves in the lower southwest side of Havana [and also give] tampons to the poor people and give needles to hospitals and give money to farmers,” Montgomery says. “Essentially, just a day in my life.

Saving the world, one creation at a time.” So, while he’s still putting out new music tonight, he’s the opening act, kicking things off for the VSG, who turned out to be The Lox, the hip-hop supergroup featuring Jadakiss, Styles P and Sheek Louch. If you’re not gonna headline, that’s the next best thing. Murda also appears. (Randy Harward) Metro Music Hall, 615 W. 100 South, 8 p.m., $25, 21+, metromusichall.com

SATURDAY, MARCH 11TH

BLUE ON BLACK 8PM | 21+

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MARCH 9, 2017 | 37

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CONCERTS & CLUBS

CITY WEEKLY’S HOT LIST FOR THE WEEK

COMPLETE LISTINGS ONLINE @ CITYWEEKLY.NET

THURSDAY 3/09

CLOUD BEAST KING

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2148 S 900 E #3 SLC, UT Open 9 a.m.-10 p.m.

THE 38TH ANNUAL

St. Patrick’s Day Parade “Shamrocks, Shillelaghs, and Shenanigans”

Join the Hibernian Society of Utah for the annual St. Patrick’s Day Parade as we celebrate “A Hundred Thousand Welcomes in America”.

Come & celebrate the acceptance, diversity & tradition our Irish ancestors in America on Saturday, March 18th at 10:00 a.m., through The Gateway.

Don’t forget to follow up with a taste of live Irish music, dance & cuisine at the Siamsa, located in the Grand Ballroom of the Union Pacific Station, in the north end of The Gateway.

Alan Michael (Garage on Beck) The Dirtball (Liquid Joe’s) Elephant Revival + Steve Poltz (Park City Live) Green Velvet + Latmun + Nate Lowpass (Metro Music Hall) Herman’s Hermits w/ Peter Noone (Egyptian Theatre) Inna Vision (Elevate Nightclub) Kitfox + Marny Lion Proudfit + First Daze (Kilby Court) Live Music at El Chanate (Snowbird) MK + Nate Lowpass + Jesse Walker (Infinity Event Center) No Sun Tour Sendoff + Indigo Plateau (The Urban Lounge) Reggae Thursday w/ Zolopht (The Royal) Umphrey’s McGee + Spafford (The Depot) see p. 34 Will Baxter Band (Twist)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE

DJ/VJ Birdman (Bourbon House) Dueling Pianos (The Spur) Dueling Pianos: Drew & JD (Tavernacle) Funkin’ Fridays w/ DJ Rude Boy + Bad Boy Brian (Johnny’s on Second) Hot Noise + Guest DJ (The Red Door) Housepitality w/ Funkee Boss (Downstairs) Jazz Jam Session (Sugar House Coffee) Jazz Joint Thursday w/ Mark Chaney & the Garage All Stars (Garage on Beck) The New Wave (’80s Night) w/ DJ Radar (Area 51) Therapy Thursdays feat. Peking Duk + Jackal (Sky) Velvet (Gothic + Industrial + Dark Wave) w/ DJ Courtney (Area 51)

KARAOKE

Cowboy Karaoke (The Cabin) Karaoke with DJ Benji (A Bar Named Sue) Karaoke (Willie’s Lounge) Live Band Karaoke with TIYB (Club 90) Throwback Thursdays (Liquid Joe’s)

FRIDAY 3/10 LIVE MUSIC

Après Live Music (Park City Mountain) American Coast + Batty Blue + Liv Claire (Muse Music Café) Cory Mon (Garage on Beck) Forward Vol. 1 + Grizzly Spectre + Je$$ + Disc Jacque + MOTION books (The Urban Lounge) Get Lucky 2017 feat. W&W + Sikdope + Morgan Page + more (The Great Saltair) see p. 39

Herman’s Hermits w/ Peter Noone (Egyptian Theatre) Ian Ethan Case + Grayson Erhard (Ditta Café) Live Bands (Johnny’s on Second) Live Local Music (A Bar Named Sue) Live Music (Outlaw Saloon) Live Music at The Aerie (Snowbird) Live Music at The Wildflower (Snowbird) The Lox + Murda + Erasole James (Metro Music Hall) see p. 37 Nomads + Panthermilk (Kilby Court) The Schematics (Brewskis) T.I. (Park CIty Live) Thedopestmatrix (Funk ‘n’ Dive) Young Dubliners + King Washington (The Depot) Whiskey Fish (ABG’s Bar)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE

All-Request Gothic + Industrial + EBM + and Dark Wave w/ DJ Vision (Area 51) Chaseone2 (Twist) DJ Brisk (Bourbon House) Dueling Pianos (Tavernacle) Friday Night Fun (All-Request Dance) w/ DJ Twitch (Area 51) Funkin’ Friday w/ DJ Rude Boy & Bad Boy Brian (Johnny’s on Second) Hot Noise (The Red Door)

KARAOKE

Karaoke (Cheers to You SLC) Karaoke (Willie’s Lounge)

SATURDAY 3/11 LIVE MUSIC

Après Live Music (Park City Mountain) Ashley K. Thomas Band (Park City Base Area) Book on Tape Worm + Quiet House + Julianne Brough (Velour) Breakfast Klub (Brewskis) The Buttertones + Wild Thing (Kilby Court) Changing Lanes Experience (The Canyons) see p. 32 The Fame Riot + Never Let This Go + Baseline + The Verb Garden + Memories Lost (The Loading Dock) Get Lucky 2017 feat. Nero + Snails + Joyryde + more (The Great Saltair) see p. 39 Hectic Hobo (Garage on Beck) Herman’s Hermits w/ Peter Noone (Egyptian Theatre) Joy Spring Band (Sugar House Coffee) Judy Collins (Abravanel Hall) Live Local Music (A Bar Named Sue) Live Music (Outlaw Saloon) Live Music at The Aerie (Snowbird) Live Trio (The Red Door)

J4KESTANCZAK

CONCERTS & CLUBS

Karaoke (Willie’s Lounge) Karaoke w/ B-RAD (Club 90)

LIVE MUSIC

Après Live Music (Park City Mountain) Donavon Frankenreiter + Grant-Lee Phillips (Park City Live) see p. 36

Dueling Pianos (The Spur) DJ Curtis Strange (Willie’s Lounge) Open Blues Jam (The Green Pig Pub) Red Cup Event w/ DJ Juggy (Downstairs)

KARAOKE

Karaoke (Tavernacle) Karaoke w/ DJ Benji (A Bar Named Sue) Karaoke Church w/ DJ Ducky (Jam)

MONDAY 3/13 LIVE MUSIC

Hayley Kiyoko + Flor (Kilby Court) see p. 31 Jake Miller + MAX + Spencer Sutherland (The Complex) Live Music at El Chanate (Snowbird) Ruines ov Abaddon + Precariat + DiseNgaged (Club X) STRFKR + Psychic Twin (The Depot)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE

Gracie’s Monday Jam Session (Gracie’s)

WEDNESDAY 3/15

KARAOKE

Cinders + The Collection + John Michael Marinos (The Loading Dock) Clap Your Hands Say Yeah + Vita and the Wolf (The Urban Lounge) Kitchen Dwellers (O.P. Rockwell) Live Jazz (Club 90) Live Music at The Aerie (Snowbird) Mark Hummel’s Golden State/Lone Star Revue (Egyptian Theatre) Polyphia + Jason Richardson + Covet (Kilby Court) Rohrer (Shades of Pale) Save Ferris + Vista Kicks + Bombshell Academy + The Anchorage (Metro Music Hall) see p. 36 The String Cheese Incident (Park City Live) Yonder Mountain String Band + Lil’ Smokies (The Depot)

Karaoke Bingo (Tavernacle) Karaoke with DJ Benji (A Bar Named Sue)

TUESDAY 3/14 LIVE MUSIC

Batty Blue + Peach Dream + Officer Jenny + Kathleen Frewin (Kilby Court) Brian Koviak (The Spur Bar and Grill) Kitchen Dwellers (O.P. Rockwell) Live Music at The Bistro (Snowbird) Norman Krieger (Rose Wagner Center) Sam Lachow + Mind, Body & Beats + Dave B + Romaro Franceswa (The Loading Dock) The String Cheese Incident (Park City Live) We The Kings + Cute Is What We Aim For + Plaid Brixx + Astro Lasso (In The Venue)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE Open Jazz Jam (Bourbon House) Open Mic (The Wall at BYU)

KARAOKE

Karaoke (Tavernacle) Karaoke w/ DJ Thom (A Bar Named Sue) Karaoke w/ Spotlight Entertainment (Keys on Main) Karaoke That Doesn’t Suck (Twist) Karaoke w/ Zim Zam Ent. (Club 90)

LIVE MUSIC

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE DJ Birdman (Twist) DJ Curtis Strange (Willie’s Lounge) Dueling Pianos (Tavernacle) Open Mic (Muse Music) Open Mic (Velour Live Music Gallery) Temple (Gothic and Industrial) w/ DJ Mistress Nancy (Area 51)

KARAOKE

Areaoke w/ KJ Ruby (Area 51) Karaoke w/ B-RAD (Club 90) Karaoke (The Wall at BYU)

MARCH 9, 2017 | 39

SUNDAY 3/12

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE

Open Blues Jam (The Green Pig) Open Blues Jam hosted by Robby’s Blues Explosion (Hog Wallow Pub)

| CITY WEEKLY |

KARAOKE

Herman’s Hermits w/ Peter Noone (Egyptian Theatre) Joseph + The Marshall McLean Band (The State Room) see p. 34 Live Bluegrass (Club 90) Live Music at El Chanate (Snowbird) Residual Kid + Beachmen + The Djinn (Kilby Court) WRVTH + Name + Yeti Warlord (The Loading Dock)

Dueling Pianos (Tavernacle) Ceremony (All-Request Gothic + Industrial and Dark Wave) w/ DJ Courtney (Area 51) DJ Juggy (Bourbon House) DJ Latu (The Green Pig) DJ Sneeky Long (Twist) Sky Saturdays feat. D. Miles (Sky) Radio Play (Remix) w/ DJ Jeremiah (Area 51)

Funtcase

Did you know that St. Patrick’s Day was originally called the Feast of Bottled Water and Pretty Lights? It’s not, actually—and it’s also not the day marking when St. Patrick rid a town of serpents, like The Simpsons led so many of us to believe.

But if St. Patrick was, in fact, an exterminator of things scaly and slinky, and dubstep existed back then, some well-timed bass drops would’ve definitely done the job. So Get Lucky 2017, V2 Presents’ annual St. Patrick’s Day nightlife event, is safe for all you ophidiophobes and herpetophobes. The massive party’s lineup includes 3lau, Audiofreq, Fransis Derelle, Frontliner, Funtcase, Gammer, Joyryde, Junkie Kid, LNY TNZ, Morgan Page, Nero, Noise Controllers, Bad Company, DC Breaks, Loadstar, Skellism, Snails, Tuneboy, W&W and Yookie. And you can expect every last one of them to pump out jams that will keep them muthahumpin’ snakes out of your muthafunkin’ way. (RH) The Great Saltair, 12408 W. Saltair Drive, Magna, 7 p.m. (doors), $50-$150, 18+, getluckyslc.com

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DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE

Get Lucky 2017

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Minus the Bear + Beach Slang (The Depot) see p. 34 Mountain Country (Dejoria Center) Murphy and the Giant (Piper Down Pub) The National Parks + Brumby + Foreign Figures (Metro Music Hall) Oskar and Julia (Feldman’s Cafe) Spazmatics (Liquid Joe’s) Suicidal Tendencies + Crowbar + Havok (The Complex) The Talbott Brothers + Tom Bennet (O.P. Rockwell) Viceroy + Rainer + Grimm (The Urban Lounge)

FRIDAY & SATURDAY 3/10-11

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SHOTS IN THE DARK

BY JOSH SCHEUERMAN @scheuerman7

Tap Room

dsor St 2021 East Win /slctaproom facebook.com

LIVE Music Thursday, March 9

TERENCE HANSEN SOLO ACOUSTIC SET

Friday, March 10

DJ MATTY MO

Heather Riley, Kiersha Voll, Heater Burmari, Pia Tobar

Breaking Bingo Monday Nights

Saturday, March 11 SWAGGER

Sunday, March 12 $12 SUNDAY FUNDAY BRUNCH $3 BLOODY MARYS & $3 MIMOSAS FROM 10AM - 2PM IRISH TRIVIA NIGHT 7PM

Max Aslett, Mia Aim

Monday, March 13 FAMOUS IRISH BLUES JAM

Chris Gill, Angel Pearson

Tuesday, March 14 LEPRECHAUNS NIGHT OUT Wednesday, March 15 IRISH TRIVIA FACTORY 7PM Thursday, March 16 NCAA GAMES Friday, March 17 ST. PATRICK’S DAY PARTY 3PM TOM BENNETT 6PM MATTHEW AND THE HOPE 9PM DJ LATU BAGPIPERS THROUGHOUT THE DAY

Roland, Vedra, Danny

GAR

Saturday, March 18 AFTER PARADE IRISH BREAKFAST BUFFET - $10 1PM TOM BENNETT 10 PM DJ LATU BAGPIPERS THROUGHOUT THE DAY NCAA GAMES

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Maddie Villano

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© 2016

RODEO

BY DAVID LEVINSON WILK

ACROSS

1. Legend of music 2. ____ Spring (2010s movement) 3. Grand Canyon sight 4. [I’m devastated!]

5. 14-legged crustacean 6. “____ Bovary” 7. Exploitative sort 8. Drink to throw back 9. Modicum

50. Null and ____ 51. Reply that’s a bit of a humblebrag 52. ____ Fein (Irish political group) 53. Art Deco designer of the 1920s and ‘30s 54. It comes to a head 55. Suffix with Oktober or Ozz 56. An ad for it concludes the series finale of “Mad Men” 58. Rock’s ____ Fighters 59. Peculiar

Last week’s answers

No math is involved. The grid has numbers, but nothing has to add up to anything else. Solve the puzzle with reasoning and logic. Solving time is typically 10 to 30 minutes, depending on your skill and experience.

DOWN

10. Singer Makeba 11. Like the heads of many hairbrushes 12. Equestrian’s handhold 13. Pantry problem 18. Betray 19. Choose to participate 23. Met solo 24. Harrow and Radley rival 25. Where the San Andreas Fault is: Abbr.

26. “SNL” alum Cheri, whose last name rhymes with her first 27. “It was just a joke!”

28. In first place 29. Shepherd’s pie bit 30. Steamed 31. ____ Domingo 32. Newswoman Kelly who wrote the 2016 bestseller “Settle for More” 37. Figure-hugging 38. Org. for Nadal and Federer 39. Lose vibrancy 41. It may be dramatic 42. Stupid mistake 44. Protective tooth layer 45. Spurs 46. Like some mail or traffic 49. Not a fan of

Complete the grid so that each row, column, diagonal and 3x3 square contain all of the numbers 1 to 9.

1. Copier malfunctions 5. “____ be seeing things” 10. NYC home of Magrittes and Matisses 14. Treat since 1912 15. One of the Obamas 16. Scientist Pavlov 17. Toiletry made by a prominent toy company?

20. Sports org. whose annual Latin Nights program features games played by teams like Los Bulls and El Heat 21. In different places 22. Gobs 23. Small matter?

24. Uber calculation, briefly 25. Give people reason not to believe?

33. Dined watching Netflix, say 34. Like some Crayola crayons 35. Actress Issa ____ of “The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl” 36. “Waiting to Exhale” actress Rochon 37. Underworld figure 39. Venom conduit 40. Roth ____ 41. Digging 42. Nutso 43. Old-fashioned music hall that needs a lot of work?

47. Seasonal quaff 48. “Going, going, ____!”

49. Like Audubon’s subjects 52. Transition 54. Channel that airs “Portlandia” 57. “I have some experience with this” ... or an apt description of 57-Across after solving 17-, 25-, or 43-Across 60. Get bored (of) 61. Fully extended, as a ballerina 62. Information ____ 63. Short pastoral piece 64. Ceaselessly 65. Appointment

SUDOKU

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CROSSWORD PUZZLE

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY B Y R O B

PHOTO OF THE WEEK BY

@capturedslc

B R E Z S N Y

Go to realastrology.com for Rob Brezsny’s expanded weekly audio horoscopes and daily text-message horoscopes.

Audio horoscopes also available by phone at 877-873-4888 or 900-950-7700.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) If you normally wear adornments, accessories and fine disguises, I invite you not to do so for the next two weeks. Instead, try out an unembellished, what-you-see-is-what-you-get approach to your appearance. If, on the other hand, you don’t normally wear adornments and accessories and fine disguises, I encourage you to embrace such possibilities in a spirit of fun and enthusiasm. Now, you might inquire: How can these contradictory suggestions both apply to the Pisces tribe? The answer: There’s a more sweeping mandate behind it all, namely, to tinker and experiment with the ways you present yourself, to play around with strategies for translating your inner depths into outer expression.

ARIES (March 21-April 19) As soon as you can, sneak away to a private place where you can be alone—preferably to a comfy sanctuary where you can indulge in eccentric behavior without being seen or heard or judged. When you get there, launch into an extended session of moaning and complaining. I mean, do it out loud. Wail and whine and whisper about everything that’s making you sad and puzzled and crazy. For best results, leap into the air and wave your arms. Whirl around in erratic figure-eights while drooling and messing up your hair. Breathe extra deeply. And all the while, let your pungent emotions and poignant fantasies flow freely through your wild heart. Keep going until you find the relief that lies on the other side.

CANCER (June 21-July 22) Seek intimacy with experiences that are dewy and slippery and succulent. Make sure you get more than your fair share of swirling feelings and flowing sensations, cascading streams and misty rain, arousing drinks and sumptuous sauces, warm baths and purifying saunas, skin moisturizers and lustrous massages, the milk of human kindness and the buttery release of deep sex—and maybe even a sensational do-it-yourself baptism that frees you from at least some of your regrets. Don’t stay thirsty, my undulating friend. Quench your need to be very, very wet.

Gush and spill. Be gushed and spilled on.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) Evolved Scorpios don’t fantasize about bad things happening to their competitors and adversaries. They don’t seethe with smoldering desires to torment anyone who fails to give them what they want.

They might, however, experience urges to achieve total cunning, dazzling, merciless victory over those who won’t acknowledge them as golden gods or golden goddesses. But even then, they don’t indulge in the deeply counterproductive emotion of hatred. Instead, they sublimate their ferocity into a drive to keep honing their talents.

After all, that game plan is the best way to accomplish something even better than mere revenge: success in fulfilling their dreams.

Please keep these thoughts close to your heart in the coming weeks.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) “The noble art of music is the greatest treasure in the world,” wrote Martin Luther (1483-1546), a revolutionary who helped break the stranglehold of the Catholic Church on the European imagination. I bring this up, Sagittarius, because you’re entering a phase when you need the kind of uprising that’s best incited by music. So I invite you to gather the tunes that have inspired you over the years, and also go hunting for a fresh batch. Then listen intently, curiously and creatively as you feed your intention to initiate constructive mutation. It’s time to overthrow anything about your status quo that is jaded, lazy, sterile or apathetic.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) “Either you learn to live with paradox and ambiguity or you’ll be six years old for the rest of your life,” author Anne Lamott says.

How are you doing with that lesson, Capricorn? Still learning?

If you would like to get even more advanced teachings about paradox and ambiguity—as well as conundrums, incongruity and anomalies—there will be plenty of chances in the coming weeks. Be glad! Remember the words of Nobel Prize-winning physicist Niels Bohr: “How wonderful that we have met with a paradox. Now we have some hope of making progress.”

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Lichen is a hardy form of life that by some estimates covers 6 percent of the earth’s surface. It thrives in arctic tundra and rainforests, on tree bark and rock surfaces, on walls and toxic slag heaps, from sea level to Alpine environments. The secret of its success is symbiosis. Fungi and algae band together (or sometimes fungi and bacteria) to create a blended entity; two very dissimilar organisms forge an intricate relationship that comprises a third organism. I propose that you regard lichen as your spirit ally in the coming weeks, Aquarius. You’re primed for some sterling symbioses.

INSIDE /

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY PG. 43 INK PG.44 UTAH JOB CENTER PG.45 URBAN LIVING PG. 46 NEWS OF THE WEIRD PG.47

MARCH 9, 2017 | 43

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) Would you like to live to the age of 99? If so, experiences and realizations that arrive in the coming weeks could be important in that project. A window to longevity will open, giving you a chance to gather clues about actions you can take and meditations you can do to remain vital for 10 decades. I hope you’re not too much of a serious, know-it-all adult to benefit from this opportunity. If you’d like to be deeply receptive to the secrets of a long life, you must be able to see with innocent, curious eyes.

Playfulness is not just a winsome quality in this quest; it’s an essential asset.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) Let’s talk about a compassionate version of robbery. The thieves who practice this art don’t steal valuable things you love. Rather, they pilfer stuff you don’t actually need but are reluctant to let go of. For example, the spirit of a beloved ancestor might sweep into your nightmare and carry off a delicious poison that has been damaging you in ways you’ve become comfortable with. A bandit angel might sneak into your imagination and burglarize the debilitating beliefs and psychological crutches you cling to as if they were bars of gold. Are you interested in benefiting from this service? Ask and you shall receive.

| COMMUNITY |

GEMINI (May 21-June 20) Nothing is ever as simple as it might seem. The bad times always harbor opportunities. The good times inevitably have a caveat.

According to my astrological analysis, you’ll prove the latter truth in the coming weeks. On one hand, you will be closer than you’ve been in many moons to your ultimate sources of meaning and motivation. On the other hand, you sure as hell had better take advantage of this good fortune. You can’t afford to be shy about claiming the rewards and accepting the responsibilities that come with the opportunities.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) You’re ripe. You’re delectable. Your intelligence is especially sexy. I think it’s time to unveil the premium version of your urge to merge.

To prepare, let’s review a few flirtation strategies. The eyebrow flash is a good place to start. A subtle, flicking lick of your lips is a fine follow-up. Try tilting your neck to the side ever-so-coyly. If there are signs of reciprocation from the other party, smooth your hair or pat your clothes. Fondle nearby objects like a wine glass or your keys.

And this is very important: Listen raptly to the person you’re wooing.

P.S.: If you already have a steady partner, use these techniques as part of a crafty plan to draw him or her into deeper levels of affection.

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

TAURUS (April 20-May 20) “I’ve always belonged to what isn’t where I am and to what I could never be,” wrote Portuguese writer Fernando Pessoa (1888-1935). That was his prerogative, of course. Or maybe it was a fervent desire of his, and it came true. I bring his perspective to your attention, Taurus, because I believe your mandate is just the opposite, at least for the next few weeks: You must belong to what is where you are. You must belong to what you will always be.

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Dance, Luddite!

I am an absolute Luddite when it comes to dance. I’m not talking about the kind of dancing you do at a bar. I’m referring to modern dance, with which I have a love/hate relationship. Karma has it that most of my close friends here in the city are modern dancers, dance instructors or retired ballet divas.

One time, on my KRCL show Women: The Second Decade back in ’96, the staff booked me an interview with dance expert Linda C. Smith, the demigod of Repertory Dance Theatre. When she got behind the mic, I simply asked, “So what is this modern dance stuff? It seems like a private joke, and I’m not getting it!” Trust me, there was an audible gasp from listeners who were fans of this art form, but Linda jumped right in to educate me. “You get up in the morning, and go fetch the newspaper. While you stand on the front porch, you notice birds singing, the sun shining and that your toenail looks infected,” she said. “That’s modern dance—images, ideas, thoughts.”

Being the Luddite I am, that didn’t help me much. But, over the years, my friends have dragged me to more and more performances and attempted to explain why the gorgeous men and women on stage with immaculately tuned bodies would want to repeatedly make motions like they were about to throw up.

Now, ballet I can get behind. The shows incorporate beautiful music and even plots.

We’ve got amazing talent here at Ballet West, thanks to feeder programs from schools like the University of Utah. The Utah Civic Ballet was the precursor to Ballet West and was created by Willam F. Christensen and Glenn Walker Wallace with a $175,000 grant from the Ford Foundation. Our humble ballet beginnings in the last century have put Utah dancers on the map—not just locally but internationally. My wife just attended The Sleeping Beauty and came home wowed.

Many in the dance community were saddened last month to learn that Rowland Butler had passed away at age 77. He was a dancer who opened his own studio in Holladay when he was 19, and offered lessons for only 50 cents back in the day. He was also a founding dancer for Ballet West, and was well known for running dance supply stores way before the internet was around.

Somebody had to get those stretchy clothes and painful shoes out to the locals, and Butler delivered them in his cute Jaguar when needed. In his later life, he taught at the U, Tuacahn High School for the Performing Arts and City Academy, where he was loved by students and teachers alike. n Content is prepared expressly for Community and is not endorsed by City Weekly staff.

Poets Corner

TIMELINE

It starts but is remembered not ‘Till incidents and life begin Joy and earthquakes soon forgot The fuse-like vector screams again Scorched grave markers in the snow Changed your life, now alpenglow Immortal timeline, freight train driven A dozen years have passed How much time have you been given Will this breath be your last?

What marks you’ve left, this wake of yours Pinnacles and craters The line connects your soul to God It’s time to meet your maker KEN CORBET T Send your poem (max 15 lines), to: Poet’s Corner, City Weekly, 248 South Main Street, SLC, UT 84101 or e-mail to poetscorner@cityweekly.net.

Published entrants receive a $15 value gift from CW. Each entry must include name and mailing address.

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Updates of Previous Characters—and Some Recurring Themes Tammy Felbaum surfaced in News of the Weird in 2001 when she, originally Mr. Tommy Wyda, consensually castrated James Felbaum (her sixth husband), but he died of complications, resulting in Tammy’s manslaughter conviction. (Among the trial witnesses was a previous spouse, who had also let “expert” Felbaum castrate him, saying, “She could castrate a dog in less than five minutes.”)

Felbaum, now 58, was arrested in February at the Westmoreland County, Pa., Courthouse after mouthing off at security guards searching her purse. She quipped sarcastically, “I have guns and an Uzi [and] a rocket launcher. I am going to shoot a judge today.”

She was in court on a dispute over installation of a sewer line to her trailer home.

BY CHUCK SHEPHERD

Least Competent Criminals n Alvin Neal, 56, is merely the most recent bank robber to begin the robbery sequence (at a Wells Fargo branch in San Diego) after identifying himself to a teller (by swiping his ATM card through a machine at the counter). He was sentenced in January.

WEIRD

n Marissa Alexander of Jacksonville, Fla.—who was convicted and given a 20-year sentence in 2012 for firing a warning shot into a wall to fend off her abusive estranged husband—finally had the charges dropped in February. The persnickety trial judge had earlier determined that Florida’s notorious “Stand Your Ground” law did not apply, even though the husband admitted that he was threatening to rough up Alexander and that she never aimed the gun at him. (With that defense not allowed, Alexander was doomed under Florida’s similarly notorious 20-year mandatory sentence for aggravated assault using a gun.) n In 2008, Vince Li, a passenger on a Greyhound bus in Canada, stabbed another passenger, then beheaded him and started to eat him, and in 2009 was “convicted”—but “not criminally responsible” because of schizophrenia. He has been institutionalized and under treatment since then, and in February, doctors signed off on an “absolute” release back into society for Li (now known as Will Baker)—declining a “conditional” release, which would have required continued monitoring. Manitoba province law requires absolute discharge if doctors conclude, on the “weight of the evidence,” that the patient is no longer a “significant” safety threat.

n “I grew up fishing with my dad,” Alabaman Bart Lindsey told a reporter, which might explain why Lindsey likes to sit in a boat in a lake on a lazy afternoon. More challenging is why (and how) he became so good at the phenomenon that turned up in News of the Weird first in 2006, “fantasy fishing,” handing in a perfect card picking the Top 8 competitors in the Fishing League Worldwide Tour event in February on Lake Guntersville. “It can be tricky,” he said. “I’ve done a lot of research.”

n Former postal worker Gary Collins, 53, of Forest City, N.C., pleaded guilty in February to having hoarded deliverable U.S. mail as far back as 2000. (He is far from the worst mail hoarder, by volume, that News of the Weird has mentioned.)

Luckiest (Bewildered) Animals n In December, a 400-pound black bear at the Palm Beach, Fla., zoo (“Clark”) got a root canal from dentist Jan Bellows, to fix a painful fractured tooth. n In January, a pet ferret (“Zelda”) in Olathe, Kan., received a pacemaker from Kansas State University doctors, who said Zelda should thus be able to live the ferret’s normal life span.

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n In January, an overly prolific male African tortoise (“Bert”), of Norwich, England, who had developed arthritis from excessive “mounting,” was fitted with wheels on the back of his shell to ease stress on his legs.

More People Who Might Consider Relocating In January, another vehicle flew off a Parkway West exit ramp in Pittsburgh, Pa., plowing into (the eighth crash in nine years) the Snyder Brothers Automotive parking lot. n Leonard Miller, 88, once again (the fifth time) picked up the pieces in January from his Lanham, Md., home after a speeding car smashed into it.

Suspicions Confirmed Despite California’s 2015 law aimed at improving the fairness of its red-light cameras, the city of Fremont (pop. 214,000, just north of San Jose) reported earning an additional $190,000 more each month last year by shortening the yellow light by two-thirds of a second at just two intersections. Tickets went up 445 percent at one and 883 percent at the other. In November 2016, for “undisclosed reasons,” the city raised the speed limit on the street slightly, “allowing” it to reinstate the old 0.7-second-longer yellow light.

Armed and Clumsy (All-New!) Men (because women rarely appear here) who accidentally shot themselves recently: 1. Hunter Richardson, 19, Orange, Mass., December (testing an iced-over lake with the butt end of his muzzle-loader). 2. Three unnamed boys (ages 15, 15 and 16), Williamson County, Ill., January (shot themselves with the same shotgun while “preparing” to go hunting). 3. Suspected convenience store robber, Cleveland, Ohio, July (the old waistband-fora-holster mishap, shot to the “groin”). 4. James Short, 72, New Carlisle, Ohio, September (reached for his ringing phone in his dentist’s waiting room but instead yanked out his gun). 5. Andrew Abellanosa, 30, Anchorage, Alaska, November (shot himself in the leg in a bar, twice in the same sequence). 6. A 50-year-old man, Oshawa, Ontario, February (making a Valentine’s necklace out of a bullet by pulling it apart with vice grips).

Thanks this week to Jonathan Lake, William Carter, Michael Brozyna, Steve Passen, Russell Bell, Mark Lillicrap, Pete Randall and the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.

HOME LOANS MADE BRIZZÉE Julie Bri-ZAY, makes home buying ea-ZAY Loan officer NMLS#243253 Citywide Home Loans NMLS#67180

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MARCH 9, 2017 | 47

n Each December, deadspin.com reviews public records of the federal Consumer Product Safety Commission to compile a list of items that caused emergency-room visits when they somehow got stuck inside people. The following are highlights from 2016.

In the nose: raisin, plastic snake, magnets in each nostril. Throat: pill bottle, bottle cap, hoop earring. Penis: sandal buckle, doll shoe, marble. Vagina: USB adapter, “small painting kit,” heel of a shoe. Rectum: flashlight, shot glass, egg timer, hammer, baseball, ice pick “to push hemorrhoids back in.”

No Longer Weird n Matthew Mobley, 41, was arrested in Alexandria, La., in February (No. 77 on his rap sheet) after getting stuck in the chimney of a business he was breaking into.

| COMMUNITY |

n When disaster strikes, well-meaning people are beseeched to help, but relief workers seem always bogged down with wholly inappropriate donations (which take additional time and money to sort and store and discard; instead, all such charities recommend cash). A January report by Australia’s principal relief organization praised Aussies’ generosity in spite of recent contributions of high heels, handbags, chain saws, sports gear, wool clothing and canned goods—much of which will eventually go to landfills. (Workers in Rwanda reported receiving prom gowns, wigs, tiger costumes, pumpkins and frostbite cream.)

n Also failing to think through their crime was the group of men who decided to snatch about $1,200 from the Eastside Grillz tooth-jewelry shop in St. Paul, Minn., in February. They fled, despite two of them having already provided ID and one having left a mold of his teeth.

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

n Doris Payne, 86, was arrested once again for shoplifting—this time at an upscale mall in an Atlanta suburb in December—but according to a 2013 documentary, “career-wise,” she has stolen more than $2 million in jewelry from high-end shops around the world. No regrets, she said on the film, except “I regret getting caught.” Her California-based lawyer said, “Aside from her ‘activities,’ she is a wonderful person with a lot of fun stories.”

All saints, sinners, sisterwives and...

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

| CITY WEEKLY • BACKSTOP |

48 | MARCH 9, 2017

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