City Weekly August 24, 2017 by Copperfield Publishing

C I T Y W E E K LY. N E T A U G U S T 2 4 , 2 0 1 7 | V O L . 3 4 N 0 . 1 3

WAYS

TO FIX

SLC

Handy tips and tricks to ensure the survival and growth of our fair town. By Ryan Cunningham

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CWCONTENTS COVER STORY FIX SLC NOW. ASK US HOW!

Affordable housing, actual long-term services for the most vulnerable and … free beer? Read on. Cover illustration by Brian Daly beeteedee.com

CONTRIBUTOR

4 LETTERS 6 OPINION 8 NEWS 22 A&E 28 DINE 33 CINEMA 35 TRUE TV 36 MUSIC 53 COMMUNITY

RYAN CUNNINGHAM

Cover story, p. 17 Focusing on the positive, we asked the self-declared candidate for Utah’s 5th Congressional District and “lifelong Belieber” to list what he likes about living in SLC. His original, introspective answer was too long, so we’ll work off this second, abridged one: “I like riding my bike! Go Bees!”

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Operation Rio Grande is in full swing, but is it working? facebook.com/slcweekly

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COMMENTS@CITYWEEKLY.NET @SLCWEEKLY

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Cover story, Aug. 10, The Beer Issue

City Weekly keeps talking about New England IPA as a style of beer which I can only translate as “bad, flavorless IPA.”

@MATTRICH Via Twitter

Here is a reason why we desperately need Spencer J. Cox as our next governor—a man who can and will lead with respect for all.

DANNY VAN WAGONER Via Facebook Thank you, Danny.

Some of our #fakebeers made it in City Weekly’s Beer Issue along with some regional SLC selections. #justcannedwater

@SDCITYBEAT Via Twitter

News, Aug. 10, “Wild Things”

Deer and Foxes are OK, but we don’t need no stinking badgers.

STEVE DECARIA

SPENCER J. COX Via Facebook

Spencer J. Cox is a man of honor and integrity. A courageous politician [is] rare. Please run for POTUS!

SHARON GALLAGHER-FISHBAUGH Via Twitter

Opinion on opinion

Perhaps if religion and politics were “one and the same,” as Mr. LeBlanc suggests [Soap Box, Aug. 17], in all 50 states there would be a 50-way tie for “Best Managed State.”

Via Facebook One of my favorite hangouts.

CAROL HANSEN

J.S. FELT,

Via Facebook

Riverton

The Straight Dope, Aug. 10, “Are the Navy SEALs really so special?”

Yes, they are special. There is one error in the story. Army Special Forces (Green Berets) are not organized in regiments. They are organized in groups like the 19th Special Forces Group, Airborne, headquartered in Utah.

JADE JD LEBLANC Via Facebook

Wrong terminology. Navy SEALs are not Special Forces. In the U.S., the only SF are in the Army. Semantics? Not to those in thick of it.

@BLACKFLAKSLC Via Twitter

Blog, Aug. 15, “A Tale of Two Rallies”

You’re either a racist or you’re not. Saying “down with racism” is like saying “down with serial killers.”

MATT MORRIS Via Facebook

Of statues and men

“Church members who promote or pursue a ‘white culture’ or white supremacy agenda are not in harmony with the teachings of the church.” That was the core of a Mormon church press release, provided in the wake of the Charlottesville tragedy. I applaud that statement. It was appropriate and timely, but it also puts in question how Mormonism should be dealing with its own racist history. The Mormon church, since its beginnings, has “received revelations” that closely coincide with the prevailing social attitudes of our nation. Back in the 1800s, blacks were generally marginalized, and treated collectively as second-class citizens. Mormonism chose, during that era, to deprive black males of its priesthood. Since Mormon Prophet Brigham Young had said so, it was received by Mormons as God’s word. That policy endured through almost 150 years of church history. During that period, members were taught that the blacks had been cursed for

either overt disobedience to God’s laws or their failure to valiantly support the forces of good in the pre-existent life. There was nothing ambiguous about it; it was taught over the pulpits and thoroughly explained, in various official accepted doctrinal publications. The original Book of Mormon even claimed that blacks who lived God’s word would become a “white and delightsome people.” Mormonism wasn’t alone in its perception that blacks were inferior to whites; all major Christian religions accepted that blacks were simply recipients of the “Curse of Cain.” But, in the latter part of the 1970s, a new bandwagon came along, and the prevailing social attitudes toward the blacks in our society inspired the rewriting of Mormon doctrine. Pressured by negative articles in a number of national publications, President Spencer Kimball changed the black policy of the church in 1978. Statements followed that the black doctrine had never even existed. If Mormon prophets spoke for God, whatever Brigham Young and Spencer Kimball enacted was divinely mandated. Blacks may look on President Kimball with reverence and, conversely, Brigham Young with the greatest disdain. If Robert E. Lee’s statue needed to be removed because it was offensive to blacks, Brigham Young’s should be entitled to the same fate. His preaching was flagrantly racial, and his portraits, statues and writings are offensive to the history of blacks in America. If the U.S. is finding it essential to toss out its racial history, maybe it’s time to toss out the reminders of Mormonism’s embarrassing past.

MICHAEL S. ROBINSON SR., Riverton

Banding together

What is the solution to dead communities? Democracy in action. Here are some ideas: community gardens and farmers markets; nonprofit banking; free universities (exchange knowledge and skills); sustainable projects; neighborhood watch programs; court watch; winter clothing giveaways; men’s sheds (where older men serve like ancient “elders” to dispense advice and escape loneliness); wellness programs for schools, churches and businesses; government oversight research projects; free used products exchange services; outdated food collection and utilization; “time-banking” where experts give time and mentor others; nonprofit and free education projects; local currencies; ethnic fairs and feeding; worker-owned companies; town halls/debates/issue discussions; petition drives; creation of new political parties and newspapers; ecumenical and secular humanist societies; literary societies and book clubs; unplugged projects exploring face-toface activity; solidarity/unity movements; get involved at church. You name it, you create it.

ROBERT KIMBALL SHINKOSKEY, Woods Cross

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OPINION

Delight in Disorder My granddaughter, Marlowe, is a cute 11-year-old. She lives in a place in California where a lot of the townies could do with a shampoo. Marlowe dresses deliberately each day— with deliberate abandon, to be precise. She takes “delight in disorder” (borrowing a phrase from 17th century poet Robert Herrick). She eschews conventions of style, fashion, matching and accessorizing—you name it, she ignores it. Stripes with plaid? No problem. Wrinkled? So what? Red and purple? Who cares? Given the choice between socks that match and socks that don’t, she favors the latter. At the end of a weeklong visit, as we prepared for a farewell dinner, my wife suggested a wardrobe upgrade for a photo op at the restaurant. Such suggestions are usually directed at T-shirted me, but this nudge was for Marlowe. It was met with a shrug. “Do you want me to look like somebody I’m not?” she demurred. Her response pinned me like a butterfly in a display case. The only correct answer— credit Mr. Rogers—is: “I like you just the way you are.” But the truth of the matter is that I would prefer her looking more like a page from a J. Crew catalog than a scene in Oliver Twist. I am not the first grandparent to admit that bias. In fact, unlike Mr. Rogers, many people are concerned about what other people wear. The institutional expression of that concern is the dress code. It is surprising to me how pervasive and finicky they are. The Ladies Professional Golf Association, for example, recently published a dress code banning décolleté tops, shorts that exposed too much of “the bottom area” and leggings. Leggings were the issue when two tweens were denied stand-by seats because of United Airlines’ dress code. While leggings are not ex-

BY JOHN RASMUSON plicitly proscribed for jurors in the South Salt Lake Justice Court, a summons to jury duty instructs me on appropriate courtroom attire: “no shorts, tank tops, gym attire or uniforms.” That a uniform is unwelcome gives me pause. Army uniforms are not unwelcome on the mean streets of Kandahar and Mosul, so why should they be barred from a jury box in Utah? Were I in the military, wearing Purple Heart and Bronze Star ribbons, I would be tempted to show up in my dress uniform just to make a point. I did spend a few years wearing an Army uniform. No institution is more prescriptive when it comes to personal appearance. Words like “tradition” and “professional” are invoked in regulations that ban Fu Manchu mustaches, dyed hair, flared sideburns and long fingernails. When it comes to fashion trends, the Army is a decades-late adopter. It has only been recently that female soldiers have been allowed dreadlocks and cornrows, and not until this year could soldiers have beards, turbans and hijabs for religious reasons. Rules for tattoos have gradually become more permissive. “Society is changing its view of tattoos, and we have to change along with that,” Gen. Ray Odierno said in 2015. The LDS church has also recently announced dress-code changes. The church, which once required its female employees to wear pantyhose, is easing the clothing requirements for its large workforce. Men are now permitted to wear “light-colored shirts” instead of white ones, and women may come to work in dress pants. We learned this summer that while women may wear pants in the House of Representatives, they may not wear sleeveless tops in the Speaker’s Lobby. After “right to bare arms” protests by congresswomen, Speaker Paul Ryan defended the dress code in a press conference. “Decorum is important,” he said. But he allowed that barring “otherwise accepted contemporary business attire” from the Speaker’s Lobby was an antiquated practice.

Like Ryan, I find value in decorous behavior, especially when it comes to civil discourse, but dress codes are too often ambiguous and more often than not, sexist. Whether it’s pantyhose in Salt Lake City, sleeves in Washington or high-heeled shoes in London, dress codes tend to regulate what women wear. None pass the common-sense test, especially when the standard is as elastic as “professional” or “decorous.” This year’s tennis matches at Wimbledon provided an amusing turnabout generated by the all-white dress code that applies to underwear “that either is or can be visible during play.” Officials turned a blind eye to Venus Williams’ pink bra while insisting that Jurij Rodionov change his blue underpants before taking the court. “All-white” is definitive, but many dress codes are not. I once worked in a private high school with an unwritten dress code. The principal called it “casual smart.” Although it was rarely discussed, students were expected to conform, and teachers were expected to send offenders to the office. No one paid much attention to it. Only the principal could discern which students did not measure up to the “casual smart” standard. I don’t think that’s uncommon. In the South Salt Lake Justice Court, I’ll bet one person’s leggings are another person’s “gym attire.” On that day in California, Marlowe acquiesced and changed clothes. As she did, I considered my dilemma, stuck between what I should say to her and what I wanted to say. Like most grandparents, I wanted to engage her, to interrogate her motives, to explain to her that rightly or wrongly, books are often judged by their cover. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t come up with any good reason for her to change her clothes. In the end, I went with Mr. Rogers—Herrick, too, whose poem “Delight in Disorder” concludes that imperfection in dress has a “wild civility.” And I said nothing. CW Send feedback to comments@cityweekly.net

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BY KATHARINE BIELE

FIVE SPOT

RANDOM QUESTIONS, SURPRISING ANSWERS

RANDY HARWARD

HITS&MISSES @kathybiele

No Comments

Ever wonder why your senators or House representatives ignore you? Just read some of the comments on their Facebook posts—like those of Sen. Mike Lee, RUtah, who tried to stand up against hate. You have to give the man some props for criticizing Trump, whom every other Republican seems to fear like, well, Hitler. “Carrying a Nazi flag or any other symbol of white supremacy is a hateful act that cannot be morally defended, least of all by the leader of a diverse nation still healing from its original sin of racist slavery,” he wrote. The post received 1,690 carping comments, such as: “The left calls them Nazis because they disagree!” And, “The left hires people with flags!” Oh, and don’t forget the First Amendment … or the permits. There were also some thank-yous—from Americans.

Count My Vote

Voting should not be this complicated. It should not suddenly be the stuff of high-level conspiracy theories and attempts to stamp out nonexistent voter fraud. In Utah, it’s the subject of great controversy and ideological disconnect. You might even say it’s part of our history. Indeed, the caucus system has been around a long time, depending on a small core of party activists to congregate on one specific day to choose a candidate. Senate Bill 54 changed the system in 2014, allowing candidates to gather signatures to access the ballot. While many in the GOP like the option, die-hards who rejected Gov. Olene Walker in 2004, and Sen. Bob Bennett in 2010, don’t. And now you have John Curtis—a conservative whom conservatives like to call a Democrat—in the running. Count My Vote supporters are considering a new initiative to totally scrap caucuses. How can it be bad to ascertain what the majority of citizens want?

I Beg Your Pardon!

Roger Stone—who’s long been manipulating national Republican politics—must be in heaven under this administration. Just this week, he was spinning his yarns over the infamous Bundy family “rotting in prison.” Stone, in his “Stone Cold Truth” blog, wrote: “Militarized federal agencies are destroying livelihoods and children’s futures. When the people gather to redress grievances, federal mercenaries are called in and threaten to shoot-to-kill.” Utah Policy recently reminded the world that Cliven Bundy—despite his violent standoff with federal agents as they attempted to gather his cattle over the $1 million he owes in grazing fees—could be pardoned by a Tea Party-sponsored president.

Brew “Brewja” Lira is relaxing in her West Jordan yard. It’s Monday evening, and she just returned from Los Angeles, where she performed with her band Darklord, the night prior. Exhausted, she still got up and went to her job as a project coordinator at a structural engineering firm. But as soon as he clocks out, the feisty 34-year-old founder of the now-defunct Salt City Derby Girls league returns to her normal life playing in a band, training as an MMA fighter, modeling—and practicing witchcraft.

Tell me about your background.

I was born in Santa Barbara, Calif., and we moved to Utah in ’92. My mom came here when she was eight months pregnant with me, and my parents didn’t speak any English. It was difficult. I don’t wanna get too political, but pretty much, I’m an immigrant. I’m 100 percent pure-blood Mexican, but they used to call me the milkman’s daughter because I look so white—and I feel that that has granted me certain privileges. I’ll leave it at that.

How do you fit a full-time job into your life with so many extracurriculars?

I’ve worked professionally in offices forever. I like office work. I’m good at it. And it facilitates communication through email so I can do everything else I gotta do.

At what age did you start playing music?

My whole family is musical, so I grew up with it. Ever since I was a kid, my parents had me playing piano, violin, saxophone, dancing. My dad’s a professional Mexican folkloric dancer and salsa dancer; my mom was a singer and a dancer. I was 19 or 20 years old when I picked up the bass. My very first band was Xolotl. Before that, I ran Instant Booking from 2001-2004.

How did you get into roller derby and MMA?

I was born with a fire in my heart. I felt like I wanted to fight. When I was 18, I started working and I paid for taekwondo lessons myself … I loved it. I was preparing to test for my black belt when I met this chick at a bar who told me about roller derby. I was like, ‘Wait a minute—do you mean to tell me that there’s a group of chicks who all go out and beat each other up, then go out and have beers after?’ Sign me up. I dove headfirst into it. I stopped doing taekwondo and I worked my ass off and became a professional roller skater, and then the league happened. Then 10 years happened; bullshit happened. The Salt City Derby Girls had their final goodbye in 2015. But I still had to fight, because I like that shit. At the time, MMA gyms started coming out. So I checked out a few gyms and I dove into that. This is my fourth year. I go every day and I work my ass off.

Your name in Spanish means “witch.” Do you practice witchcraft?

I’ve always gone by Bruja, but in derby, white people kept mispronouncing my name, so I changed it to Brew Haha. Eventually, someone said I should mix the two versions and thus Brewja was born. Witchcraft is more like using the earth’s energies and resources to invoke desires. I’m a natural witch; it’s in my blood. But yes, I like to light candles and say a few words.

—RANDY HARWARD comments@cityweekly.net

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BY CECIL ADAMS SLUG SIGNORINO

STRAIGHT DOPE Forget Neutrality There seem to be two major concerns with a lack of net neutrality: pricing (want to browse espn.com? That’s another $5 a month) and content (would internet service providers refuse to transmit certain sites?). How bad could it really get? —Bryan Thurn, Jacksonville

Great news: The genuine worst-case scenario you’re wondering about is finally starting to come into focus. It’s about time. The debate about net neutrality is only a decade old, but feels like it’s been going on forever— probably because it’s existed mostly within the realm of the hypothetical: What might happen if this happens? What might not happen if that does? At long last, we have something concretely terrible to worry about. For those who’ve been scrolling past this stuff the whole time: The concept of net neutrality refers to the principle that, to crib from the Harvard Business Review, “A broadband internet provider should not block, slow or otherwise unfairly discriminate against any website or online services.” The examples of what this might look like, as you note, tend to invoke a “tiered” web, where premium pricing buys you faster, better service, or maybe it costs more to access bandwidth-heavy sites like Netflix. Not the most terrifying prospect in itself, maybe, but proponents of net neutrality fear a slippery slope. Say ISPs can charge different rates for different content, or even occlude access to certain kinds of content; then say The New York Times publishes a damning investigation into Comcast’s corporate practices. The concern is that, absent federal regulation, Comcast could retaliate—block nytimes.com, slow it to a crawl or charge a fee to view it, or whatever. The net-neutrality folks see this as a First Amendment issue, where the government should intervene preemptively to protect free expression online. This sort of thing hasn’t really happened, at least so far; as I say, the whole thing’s been a bit hypothetical. According to opponents of net-neutrality rules, that’s no coincidence: This is a self-regulating system, they argue, that doesn’t require government interference. The feds don’t need to make sure Comcast doesn’t mess with your Netflix; fear of consumer discontent will ensure good behavior. Entrusting our civil liberties to the free market might sound like a naive plan at best, particularly as ISPs tend to face only limited competitive pressure. Still, neutrality opponents might be on to something. They’re particularly het up over a rule issued in 2015 by Barack Obama’s Federal Communications Commission that reclassified ISPs as “common-carrier utility services,” subject to stiff federal oversight. It isn’t hard to make the case that common carriers of the past—think railroads, or the Ma Bell-era phone system—wound up losing a step innovation-wise, and I suppose it’s not

impossible the internet could go the same way. The ISPs themselves have been on both sides of the question. Some sued to overturn the Obama regulations but have recently come out in support of “permanent, strong, legally enforceable” rules, per a Comcast statement this year. They want Congress—that famously effective governing body—to take up the issue, though, rather than leave it to the executive branch. One senses the ISPs are a little sick of the debate, too, and have gotten to the point of just wanting some consistent guidelines. Fat chance. As with everything else these days, Donald Trump’s ascension to the presidency has injected elements of both chaos and menace into the net-neutrality debate. His administration has (naturally) taken steps to reverse Obama’s rule, raising the specter of regulations that simply toggle on and off depending on who’s in power. This, I think, is where your worst-case scenario emerges. We know that, absent regulation, an ISP could theoretically block or slow access to some piece of disapproved content. For the sake of this scenario, let’s imagine that content is an unflattering article about the president. Now, in a hypothetical unregulated world where it was technically in that ISP’s power to do such a thing, it’s still difficult to see it happening, assuming pre-2017 Washington rules remain in play: You’d figure that longfunctioning systems of political and corporate accountability, the fear of scandal, etc., would restrain president and service provider alike from trying any funny stuff. But now? It’s 2017. We’ve got a president who loves publicly going after corporations, particularly media outlets, who’ve displeased him. We know his Twitter activity can move the stock market. Scandal is meaningless to him; Congress has yet to stand up to him. We’ve already seen ISPs participate in the suppression of internet speech in places like China and Russia. I submit it’s not that hard to envision a time when an ISP might think carefully about what kind of content it allows to be seen on the web, for fear of poking the orange dragon. No external pressure required— this would simply be the brutal bottom-line logic of capitalism responding to the selfpreserving impulses of authoritarianism. Not to put too rosy a spin on it or anything. n

Send questions to via straightdope.com or write c/o Chicago Reader, 350 N. Orleans, Chicago 60654.

THE

OCHO

THE LIST OF EIGHT

BY BILL FROST

@Bill _ Frost

Eight shocking revelations to come in Sunday’s Game of Thrones season finale: returns from an extended secret pilgrimage to Gryffindor.

7. Special guest star Ed Sheeran’s character is unexpectedly executed by special-er guest star Rick Astley.

has been employing an off-screen punch-up writer for his jokes all along.

5. In a fabulous musical num-

ber, the Night King is defeated by the Dayman.

4. Now a free agent, Viserion the dragon joins the cast of The Neverending Story on Broadway.

2. Jon Snow and Daenerys

1. Closing scene: Fade to long-

absent direwolf Ghost just chilling and watching Rick & Morty.

POVERTY SUMMIT

Poverty and homelessness are making headlines big time, but there’s a lot of #fakenews out there about why and what can be done to address the problem. At Crossroads Urban Center’s Annual Poverty Summit, a panel will discuss the top myths surrounding homelessness and give you facts about Salt Lake City’s housing crisis. State Sen. Jim Dabakis plans to talk about a bill to eliminate the sales tax on food— always a controversial issue in this conservative state. In the last legislative session, a plan to raise the food tax was abandoned—at least for now. Cathedral Church of St. Mark, 231 E. 100 South, 801-364-7765, Saturday, Aug. 26, 8:30 a.m.-1 p.m., free, bit.ly/2uK2ZER

SEGREGATION PANEL

Good intentions aside, does it seem like housing and schools are as segregated as ever? Meet investigative journalist Nikole Hannah-Jones who has been studying the issue for the past five years, discovering that official policy has worked to maintain racial segregation throughout the country. Hannah-Jones, who considers herself a “modern-day civil rights writer,” kicks off the three-part speaker series “It Starts With You,” sponsored by KUER and United Way of Salt Lake. The talks are meant to help understanding by identifying how you “can stand up every day for the values of respect, equality, dignity and inclusion.” Join a meet-and-greet with Hannah-Jones at 5:30 p.m. for $25. Salt Lake Community College Grand Theatre, 1575 S. State, 801-957-3322, Tuesday, Aug. 29, 7-8:30 p.m., free, RSVP at speakerseries.uw.org

—KATHARINE BIELE Send tips to revolt@cityweekly.net

AUGUST 24, 2017 | 11

have disappointing sex due to Dany’s demands to “put some Khal Drogo into it, already! And bend that knee!”

Maybe you “don’t believe in” global warming, but there’s water everywhere. Another one of those “unprecedented” rainstorms hit homes, schools and businesses. One of its victims was the Sprague Library in Sugar House, where it ruined books and caused damage that will shut down the library for several months. While 2.12 inches of rain flooded the area, Sprague sustained several feet of standing water on the lower level—damaging computers, furniture and library collections. That didn’t stop the library system, which has invited local musicians and community leaders to celebrate memories and plan for the future at the Rally for Sprague. There’ll be food and crafts while you hear from Mayor Jackie Biskupkski and city council member Lisa Adams. Salt Lake Public Library, Sprague Branch, 2131 S. 1100 East, 801-524-8200, Thursday, Aug. 24, 5-8 p.m., free, bit.ly/2vFa6NY

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they mean no harm; they just want preserve their heritage.

RALLY FOR SPRAGUE

3. The White Walkers claim

CHANGE THE WORLD

6. It’s discovered that Tyrion

In a week, you can

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8. A not-dead Ned Stark

CITIZEN REVOLT

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12 | AUGUST 24, 2017

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West High Panthers confront demons and soar at season-opener game. BY STEPHEN DARK sdark@cityweekly.net @stephenpdark

PHOTOS BY STEPHEN VARGO @mr.vargo

t was the first game of the 2017 season, and Romeo Johnston was so nervous he felt like he was about to vomit. “You’ll be fine,” the West High School quarterback’s mother, Misty, assured him. “You’ve got this.” Johnston and his team weren’t only facing a game. In 2016, they’d gone 0-9 under new coach Justin Thompson, repeating the prior year’s dismal record. In the West High locker room at 6:45 p.m. that August night, players were silent— their faces tense, gazes inward. About the only sound was shuffling and cleats tapping on the tiled floor. “The past … does not … determine the future,” Thompson told his team. This, he said, was a moment to remember, “because you’re about to go out and start something special.” Players knelt on the floor, holding hands in prayer. In their red-and-black uniforms, they ran out in pairs, holding hands, into the bright, late-summer sun, to face Hillcrest High. Hillcrest kicked off, the ball arcing high over West’s players then plummeting to the waiting arms of senior and wide receiver Vili Makoni. A December 2016 City Weekly cover story titled “The Grits to Be Here” charted Thompson’s dogged efforts in his first year, after being hired from Skyline by West’s principal to build a team for the 2016 season. In retrospect, part of what plagued West last season was a schism between seniors and the rest of the team that arose after only juniors, bar one senior, were elected captains. “The seniors felt they had an entitlement to being captains—they’d done their time, they deserved leadership of the team— but the team didn’t see it that way,” Thompson recalls. Most of our real differencemakers on the field were underclassmen.” One notable exception was senior Craig Tauteoli, who provided much of the fire for West’s most powerful performance in 2016 against Viewmont for the homecoming game, which they lost 27-26. Tauteoli later was awarded a football scholarship to William Penn University. The upside for the underclassmen from last year was that they came back empowered from their efforts the year before, despite however much the 2016 statistics

had stung. Instead of the athletes playing for themselves, now it was about the team, “about the West community—the name on my chest,” Johnston, No. 11, says. One key change Thompson has been relieved to see as the 2017 preseason progressed was the difference in player turnout and commitment. Last year, 15 kids out of 70 could be relied on to turn up for practice regularly. This summer that number jumped to 50. When players didn’t show up, their peers laid down the law. “We are closer than ever to kickoff and we cannot afford not having players at practice,” one sophomore texted his team when 12 players missed practice 48 hours before the first game. “If you are a part of this football team and family, be there.” These are the small things that are fueling Thompson’s hopes for the future. “Group dynamics define what you will and won’t tolerate,” he says. “You stop tolerating behavior that leads to losing; that’s when you can be successful.”

MEETING OF THE MINDS

One of Thompson’s toughest decisions during the preseason was what to do about his quarterback. Johnston had struggled to find form last year. Both agreed they were having trouble trusting one another. Thompson had started to see more consistency in No. 11’s game, but when he got intense with the 17-year-old, he saw in his eyes a lack of confidence and an uneasiness he recalled from the year before. It was that vulnerability, he felt, that was leading Johnston to doubt himself when a mistake was made; to hunker down and act nervous, skittishly, rather than snap back into the game. Then he received a call from Johnston’s mother. “You need to understand his dad is probably going to die in the next couple of weeks and he can’t handle you being a jerk, basically,” is how Thompson remembers the conversation going.

The Panthers huddle in prayer last Friday evening before the season opener. Johnston’s adoptive father, Don Johnston, died on May 8, after a battle with bladder cancer. A member of the Barons Motorcycle Club and a tireless advocate for motorcycle rights, he had coached his twin sons and the West little league football team until his sons’ sophomore year. Some of the varsity players at West came up with Romeo under his father’s watchful eye. Before Don Johnston died, he told his wife, “Make sure the boys finish strong. Support them,” she recalls. “He said he’d be here to watch them.” After his father’s death, the quarterback immersed himself into the game. Thompson watched him get better and better. Coach and quarterback, according to Johnston, became closer, understanding each other, in some sense replicating the relationship Johnston had with his father.

That alliance also reflected a deeper bond between coach and team. “We’re a family again,” Johnston says. The mistrust that had hindered the relationship between some of the players and Thompson before and during the 2016 season was gone. “Now there’s a lot of trust. He’s not the coach from Skyline; he’s the coach from West High,” Johnston says.

PLAYMAKERS

A week after Johnston buried his father, West finally got a taste of victory, at the 7-on-7 passing tournament, Ute Shoot, last June. The team lost its first game of the U tourney but, “from that point forward we scored on every offensive drive for the rest of the day,” Thompson marvels. And much of the credit went to Johnston. “Romeo was outstanding, on fire, throwing dozens of touchdowns, and [there was] only one interception.”

“The past … does not … determine the future,” Coach Thompson tells his team before the game.

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AUGUST 24, 2017 | 13

For those few seconds as the ball spiraled down to Makoni on the first play of the season, Thompson and his robust crew of assistant coaches held their breath. Makoni, No. 12, then caught the ball and detonated into action, flying through Hillcrest’s team almost as if they weren’t there to score a touchdown in the first seconds of the game. Hillcrest recovered quickly, scored and nailed the point to make it 6-7.

A TEARFUL EMBRACE

The Panthers didn’t even blink. Johnston broke away for a long run, followed by touchdowns by Abercrombie and Faysal Aden. At halftime, West was ahead 30-14, and Johnston was its calm center, telling his team in the locker room, “We still have two quarters. Be humble. Play the next play.” A jubilant Thompson told his team, “You have your foot on their throat right now. Keep it on.” He urged them to be gentlemen on the field, commiserating with one player over a bad facemask call, while at the same time telling him he’d be held accountable for his bad language. West dominated the second half. “They scored more points tonight than they made in the last two years,” marveled one bystander. Makoni repeated his opening run across the field to score a touchdown, his bleached hair flickering like reeds ablaze with fireflies beneath the back rim of his helmet. In the last moments of the game, a satisfied—almost relaxed—Makoni praised their quarterback. “Our receivers believe so much in Romeo, they don’t worry if he makes a mistake.” He pointed to what would be the final score: 64-35. “I’m just really happy about our side finally being above the other side.” The whistle blew and the team ran onto the field in a welter of embraces and screams and body slams, the two-year losing streak finally buried. Thompson admitted to relief. The good news, he said, was the team had done “tremendous things.” Better news, he continued, “is we are sloppy”; the issues were fixable and obvious to the players after watching footage of the game. The enemy they now faced was complacency. Thompson’s face lit up at all the playmakers that shone that night. “It’s going to be very challenging for teams to match up to us,” he said. To the side of the melee of ecstatic teenagers, all but unnoticed, Johnston and his mother Misty, both in tears, clung to each other. CW

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West worked its way through the Ute Shoot pool, beating increasingly better teams, until it faced Skyline in the final. They won, earning a large silver trophy and celebrating for an hour before University of Utah staff asked them to leave so they could lock up. “The things I’ve learned about my players here, [is that] they are survivors,” Thompson says. “They have to fight with their families to get them to let them come to practice, when they’re needed at home to watch their younger siblings.” They struggle with poverty, discrimination, violence and tragedy. Two classmates died in a car accident last year. In early August, a teenager who had dabbled with the program was murdered in West Valley. Many of the key underclassmen who fought so hard the previous season are now seniors, including John Abercrombie, whose athleticism and commitment made him one of Thompson’s few playmakers last year. That put pressure on both coach and Abercrombie as the talent pool was stretched so thin at times because players had left for East High or other schools—or just not shown up. “Last year, I felt the only way we could win a game was if John won the game for us,” Thompson says. “Now, I’ve got five or six guys who could blow up and win the game.” The day before the first game of the season, Johnston pointed to four strong wide receivers and a solid offensive line. “They are just ready to start scoring. I have more courage about how the season’s going to end up,” he mused.

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Handy tips and tricks to ensure the survival and growth of our fair town. say, “We see you. We will not ignore you.” And for God’s sake, we need a new damned flag. For this piece, we tapped an assortment of experts and advocates in various fields to pick their brains on some of the city’s biggest predicaments: homelessness, transportation, air quality, mental health, economic disparities, injustice, political apathy. But instead of soliciting the same, stale solutions on which we’ve all endlessly masticated without swallowing, a hefty dose of creative thinking was encouraged. What follows are some of the craziest, wildest, zaniest ideas to fix Salt Lake City that you won’t even believe—but if bolstered by our collective will, they just might work. And then at the end, for good measure, there’s something of a personal rant about the Clipart beach towel atrocity that is our city flag. (Kudos to LA Weekly writer Hillel Aron and his June 27 article “20 Ways to Fix Los Angeles,” upon which the structure of this piece is based.)

AUGUST 24, 2017 | 17

means housing becomes less affordable while wages stagnate. It means more cars on the road, which means poorer air quality—which could increase health care costs. As the population consolidates, so will vital social services and safety nets, drawing the region’s most beleaguered and downtrodden souls to one of the few cities around with the resources to help them. Perhaps most importantly, a Salt Lake City on the rise means a new clash of culture, as the old guard battles the growing influence of new, diverse constituencies over issues of tradition, heritage and lifestyle. In short, slowness to adapt and a reluctance to work together could become Salt Lake City’s biggest obstacles to sustained success. At this critical juncture, Salt Lake City can hardly afford to languish in inaction. What this city needs right now is bold ideas, both big and small. We must dare to ask the tough questions and stroll confidently outside the box for solutions. We need to look the truth dead in the eyes and

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alt Lake City! The capital of Utah! A city on the rise! What’s so great about Salt Lake City? Well I’ll tell you what’s so great about Salt Lake City. Salt Lake City is a place where business booms and culture abounds. And there’s no shortage of diversion here: plenty of locally regarded restaurants, a region-class entertainment scene and, did I mention minor league baseball? It’s true! Go Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim AAA affiliate! But watch out! Salt Lake City won’t be the Wasatch Mountain Range’s best kept secret for long. Folks the world over are coming to Utah and saying it for themselves: “This is the place!” Actually, a lot of folks are coming to Salt Lake City. According to the Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD), “net in-migration” to Salt Lake City will account for almost one-fourth of its population growth in the next few years. An increased population has many obvious implications. It means a demand for housing, which

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By Ryan Cunningham |

SLC

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TO FIX

Bulldoze it! Demolish it! Blow it up! Then dig a hole and rebuild it underground. That’s what would happen if Jason Mathis and Nick Como of the Downtown Alliance had their way (and billions of dollars). Ideally, they would build a new underground highway from 5300 South to North Salt Lake and construct a linear park where I-15 currently stands. Mathis believes the new park would unify the city, which has become physically divided by the interstate highway and multiple railways. “I think that as long as that physical barrier exists between the east side and the west side of town, there will always be a distinction between these two different sides of Salt Lake City,” Mathis says. Before you dismiss the idea as a pipe dream (tunnel dream?), keep in mind that a major American city has already accomplished a comparable, if not more complicated, project. Boston’s Big Dig put I-93 underground, leaving space for the new Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy Greenway in the heart of downtown Boston. Sure, it took decades for the project to come to fruition, and yes, it’ll end up costing over $20 billion. But the Big Dig at least proves it’s not impossible to bury I-15. Como notes there are other success stories, too, such as the demolition of the Embarcadero Freeway in San Francisco or the construction of Millennium Park in Chicago. “There’s no shortage of examples,” Como says. “Even closing Broadway in Manhattan. That’s the busiest street in the busiest city in the country and they closed it for, like, 20 blocks and made it a linear park where people can hang out and sit and grab a coffee. And it actually helped the traffic around because they were able to optimize Fifth Avenue and Madison and Park.” But it’s easier to close, bury or demolish roads when a city has good public transit and walkable/bikeable neighborhoods. Mathis and Como agree that Salt Lake City could use some improvement in those areas—particularly public transit—before its own version of the Big Dig happens.

poses that FrontRunner’s locomotives switch from diesel power to electricity. “With electrification, FrontRunner trains would have more ease in starting and stopping in comparison to our existing diesel-powered trains. This enhancement would also reduce emissions that contribute to air-quality issues,” he says. The electric double track would make FrontRunner faster, cleaner and more reliable. In other words, she’d be a pumpin’ like a matic.

2. Do the Electric Double Track

This next idea is not to be confused with the Electric Slide, the game-changing 1976 line dance invented by the legendary choreographer Richard L. “Ric” Silver and popularized by Jamaican performers Marcia Griffiths and Bunny Wailer. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t immediately stop reading this article and visit Ric Silver’s website, the-electricslide.com. It’s definitely not my new favorite website ever and the Electric Slide has nothing to do with this topic. But I digress. Instead of line dances, let’s talk about rail lines. Specifically the FrontRunner, UTA’s commuter train that travels parallel to I-15 from Provo to Pleasant View. FrontRunner began service a mere nine years ago, but don’t let the relative newness and free onboard Wi-Fi fool you: The rail isn’t exactly state-of-the-art. FrontRunner partially piggybacks on the old Utah Central Railroad, a railway that was originally constructed in 1869. Much of the line is single track—think of it as the equivalent to a one-lane road with cars taking turns going in both directions. This can cause problems. For instance, an otherwise on-time northbound train might suffer delays as it waits for a late southbound train to pass at a double-track station. Wasatch Front Regional Council Executive Director Andrew Gruber would like to eliminate this cumbersome scenario by making the FrontRunner a double-track line all the way through. “FrontRunner has the potential to carry even more passengers than it does today, but it’s limited in the amount of trains that can run per hour due to its use of a single track for almost its entire line,” he says. “Double tracking the full length of the route would allow trains to pass each other without stopping and slowing down and enable more trains to utilize the rail at any given time.” As for the “electric” part of the equation, Gruber pro-

“In the ideal world, homeless individuals who actually live in these areas of crisis would have an organized voice so they can tell those of us with some decision-making authority what they need, instead of our current system of us telling the homeless what we will do for them,” Hill says. Reimagine that July assembly of local policymakers with the inclusion of representatives from the very group of people that were the topic of discussion, and one has to wonder how the results of that meeting could have been different.

4. Build Cheap Housing in Rich Neighborhoods

STEVEN VARGO

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18 | AUGUST 24, 2017

1. Destroy I-15

3. Organize the Homeless

Last month, anyone who’s anybody in Utah politics got together for an informal, closed-door discussion on plight of the Rio Grande district. Afterwards the formidable assembly stood stone-faced in front of TV cameras to let us know that they swapped some real hard talk about homelessness and the thick yarn of crime that has woven itself into Salt Lake City’s homeless population. But for all the authoritative heft the group flaunted, few specific solutions to the underlying problems around homelessness are yet to be revealed. As a result, it’s still difficult to frame their July meeting as the breakthrough moment our leaders clearly wanted it to be. “Read through most of the recent stories on the Rio Grande area, and you will see lots of people with decisionmaking authority talking about the filthy streets, the drug dealers and other criminals, the disconcerting lines of people waiting for shelter,” Jean Hill, government liaison for the Catholic Diocese of Salt Lake City, told me 10 days before the big homelessness summit. “What you won’t see very often, however, is people saying we need to actually talk to those living on the street and in the shelter to see what they need and how they think the situation could be improved.” Hill says that instead of talking down to the homeless as a helpless faction of dependents—former Salt Lake County Sheriff Jim Winder recently compared how local authorities treat the homeless population to how a parent treats “the 40-year-old kid living in the basement”—they should be looked upon as stakeholders in the decisions affecting them.

The divide between Salt Lake City’s east and west sides is more than physical or geographic. Cross from one side to the other, and it’s almost as if you’ve arrived in a separate city with a completely different economic reality and demographic makeup. The data bears that out, too. Dr. Pamela Perlich, director of demographic research at the University of Utah’s Kem C. Gardner Policy Institute, has synthesized census and economic data on every neighborhood in the city. Her research reveals some obvious and stark differences between east and west Salt Lake: In her analysis of 2010 census data, the percentage of the population that’s a minority is sharply higher on the west side (as high as three-fourths in some parts of Rose Park and Glendale) than it is on the east side (consistently around 10 percent in parts of the Avenues and Sugar House). Concurrently, residents of the west side face more economic instability than their eastside counterparts. An analysis of the SLC School District’s free or reduced-price lunch programs shows that around 80-90 percent of kids in some westside neighborhoods qualify for aid, while 10-20 percent is typical for many eastside neighborhoods. There’s a pernicious implication here that’s difficult to ignore: Salt Lake City is becoming segregated, with minorities and low-income families on one side and white, affluent ones on the other. “Residents in Salt Lake City—and across the nation—are segregated residentially by socioeconomic status,” Perlich says. “This often has the effect of reinforcing further segregation by generation, household type, immigrant status and ethnic group.” Perlich’s solution? Build more diversity into neighborhoods. Literally. “Integrating a spectrum of housing within neighborhoods—allowing for various levels of affordability—would mitigate this dimension of segregation,” she asserts. To do that, however, the city might need to incentivize builders to take on such projects. Building expensive housing in expensive neighborhoods is going to be a lot more profitable than building affordable housing on the same land—that’s how math tends to work.

5. Make Companies Pay for the Housing Their Employees Can’t Afford

The cost of housing in Salt Lake City has increased steadily since the housing market crash of 2008, but wages haven’t kept pace. In 2011, the median price of a house in the 84105 ZIP code, just east and south of Liberty Park, hovered below $250,000 for most of the year while the city’s median family income was $63,393. For the first quarter of this year, the median price in 84105 hit $375,000. In 2016, Forbes placed SLC’s median family income at $65,124. But it gets even worse for low-income renters. The National Low Income Housing Coalition estimates that a Salt Lake City resident would need an annual income of $31,800 (or an hourly wage of $15.29) to afford a onebedroom apartment. If a resident made minimum wage ($7.25 per hour), they would have to work 84 hours per week to afford the same apartment. The federal minimum wage hasn’t changed since 2009.

ENRIQUE LIMÓN

AUGUST 24, 2017 | 19

Hey, Salt Lake citizens: Hold your hand in front of your face. Can you see it? If your answered yes, that means it’s not January. Waka-waka! I’m here all week! Tip your waiters! But seriously, folks. It’s rarely contested that Salt Lake Valley’s air quality woes are hurting the city year-round on multiple fronts: public health, quality of life, economics, hand visibility, etc. Still, there remains a perennial debate over which corrective actions to take. While both state and city officials have made some positive strides toward addressing air pollution in recent years, clean air advocates like Matt Pacenza would prefer a stronger sense of urgency from policymakers. Pacenza, the soon-to-be-departing director of environmental policy group HEAL Utah, points to the valley’s growing population as the main cause for concern. “The reality is that if our valleys’ populations weren’t growing, we wouldn’t have to worry as much about air quality in the decades to come,” Pacenza says. “Since new cars are much cleaner, for example, each of us on average will pollute less in 20 years than we do today. But, the problem is, there will be many, many more of us. More cars, more homes, more apartments and more businesses. Thus, more air pollution.” One simple way to fix the problem would be to stop allowing people to move here—perhaps by building a wall along the southern border shared with Utah County. But that idea is a little more extreme than the one Pacenza proposes, though his big outside-the-box idea isn’t without the potential for controversy either: What if we constrained new construction projects with predetermined “growth boundaries?” “To build the Wasatch Front right as our population skyrockets, we need to prioritize density,” he says. “Ideally, more and more of us will live near where we work and study, along transit corridors. Incentives, planning and zoning can help encourage such development, but so can drawing a line in the sand and pronouncing ‘no suburbs past here.’” Pacenza predicts such an idea would be met with pushback from a Legislature chock-full of construction and real estate magnates. Still, he pointed out that similar initiatives have been enacted in cities like Minneapolis and Virginia Beach.

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Observing the murals on the interior of the Utah State Capitol’s rotunda, one would surmise that Utah’s human history began in 1776, when a Spanish man in a bathrobe discovered a lake. But in the very same mural an unacknowledged man stands in the bushes off to the side, perhaps about to say, “Hello there! Welcome to my ancestral home of thousands of years. What brings y’all out this way?” For years, that’s how Utah’s popular culture has tended to treat the indigenous peoples of the region: just a generic figure in the bushes, a supporting character passively looking on as history happens beside them. And according to James Singer, community activist and adjunct professor of sociology at Westminster College and Salt Lake Community College, that diminutive historical treatment is at the root of the problems facing the Ute, Paiute, Goshute, Shoshone, Navajo and other Western tribes today. The nonnative people who live here now, he says, need to have a collective reckoning with the conventional narrative. “This land is sacred. It’s theirs,” Singer says, referring to indigenous tribes. “It’s dealing with that, saying, ‘If we have to recognize that we’re living on stolen land, a land that we got through illegal means, then does that not undermine the foundation of our society?’ And the answer is, ‘Yes, it does.’” Singer’s rectifying solution is pretty straightforward: if Salt Lake City wasn’t the white pioneers’ land to take, let’s just give it back to the original proprietors. But fret not, unwelcome interlopers! Under Singer’s idea, no one would have to move out. However, there would be no more freeloading—SLC residents would just have to start paying rent to their landlords. “Wherever there are traditional lands that were owned by a tribe, then any kind of settler community that’s there, part of their income or property tax goes to that tribe,” he says. Singer admits that it’d be difficult to redraw the maps to determine precisely which tribes would serve as stew-

8. Ban Growth

Think back to those tense public meetings earlier this year on proposed homeless resource centers, wherein homeowners, elected officials and the homeless themselves were pitted against each other with little sense of shared interest or mutual benefit. Policymakers had previously had announced four shelter locations, leaving many residents blindsided by the decision. After a series of townhall-style meetings, the four shelters were eventually cut down to three, one of which will be built in a location that wasn’t even originally discussed (South Salt Lake). It was a grueling public-input process, and one can’t help but feel that there might have been a better way to do it all. Maybe there is a better way. Here’s a bold question: What if we talked to people before we made decisions? That’s my own crude summation of an idea that Dr. Sarah Munro, Director of University Neighborhood Partners, suggests. It starts with a process she calls “asset mapping.” “Instead of looking for problems, we ask, ‘What are the physical and also human assets in these neighborhoods? Where are the parks, libraries, community centers and also, what are the formal or informal groups of people who are getting together and sharing their talents to make their neighborhoods or communities better? Who are the

7. Give the Land Back to the Tribes

ards to what parcels of land. But by integrating a European mentality of land ownership with a more accurate historical interpretation of who can rightfully claim Salt Lake Valley, Singer believes all tribes would stand to benefit.

6. Talk to Each Other

neighborhood leaders, the people others turn to when they have challenges or questions?’” Munro sees asset mapping as a process in service of a grander goal: “Ultimately, what I want is for every person in our city to have a chance to work alongside someone very different from themselves, as an equal, on something they both value,” she says. “This doesn’t mean having an idea and asking the other person for approval. It means sitting down and saying, ‘What’s important to you? What’s important to me? What do we share, and how can we work on it together?’” Whatever missteps we can pick apart in hindsight from the homeless shelter site selection saga, Munro’s approach might diminish the chances of a similar public policy quagmire.

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An uncomplicated (if not hotly contested) solution at the city’s disposal would be a citywide increase in the minimum wage. City councils in Seattle, Los Angeles, Santa Fe and other municipalities have already enacted ordinances raising the minimum wage. But Tara Rollins of the Utah Housing Coalition wonders what would happen if, instead of putting it on the Salt Lake City Council to raise wages, city policymakers compelled big businesses paying low wages to chip in for affordable housing. “The private market needs to invest in housing if they are bringing low-wage jobs to communities,” she posits. Her example: “Walmart requests to add a store, cities ask them to contribute to housing through a trust fund.” Cities typically use housing trust funds to pay for affordable housing projects, such as renovations of old homes in struggling neighborhoods or construction of new affordable apartments. As it would happen, Rollins points out that Salt Lake City already has a housing trust fund. With her idea, new businesses hoping to open up shop in the city with cheap labor would have to contribute to that fund. Whatever we do to make housing more economical, Rollins says we need to shift our mindset on what it means to have a place to sleep at night. “We all need to stop thinking about housing as an investment. It is a shelter,” she says.

8. Somewhere in the background is the Capitol Building. We promise!

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7. Yeah, this doesn’t cut it.

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“Preserving historic buildings usually comes down to a balance of regulation and incentive—and you need both for a great SLC in the future.” —Kirk Huffaker

9. Tax Thirsty People

As a rash of new construction projects spread throughout Salt Lake City, it’s worth pausing to consider how we plan to preserve the buildings that already exist. A city can derive a lot of pride from its historical architecture—think of Amsterdam and Prague or, closer to home, New Orleans and Boston. Certain buildings can come to define the character and identity of the cities in which they’re rooted. As an urban dwelling, Salt Lake City is still relatively young. But the debate over which buildings to keep and which to replace is already active. For example, there was the protracted battle over what to do with the nearly 8-decades-old Granite High School in South Salt Lake, ending finally in the demolition of the vacant building just last month. Some residents in the area preferred to see the building repurposed somehow, perhaps as a community hub for local artists. Ultimately what prevented preservation plans was cost: The antiquated high school was falling apart and riddled with asbestos. It ended up being prohibitively expensive to retrofit the building and keep its PWAera architecture in tact, though for some folks it might’ve been worth the cost. “Preserving historic buildings usually comes down to a balance of regulation and incentive—and you need both for a great SLC in the future. But regulation only goes so far,” Preservation Utah Executive Director Kirk Huffaker says. “What has the potential to make a bigger impact is a substantial funding source that could assist the public and private sectors to rehabilitate, maintain and put historic buildings to good use.” So the question becomes, what would that funding source be? Of course, the city could raise a new preservation tax of some kind to fund more preservation projects. But Huffaker’s proposal suggests a more nuanced phrasing: “the universal beverage surcharge.” “A preservation fund for saving historic architecture in Salt Lake City could be derived from surcharge of one cent on every packaged drink, alcoholic and non-alcoholic, sold in restaurants, bars and stores,” he offers. Huffaker estimates that his definitely-not-a-tax “surcharge”—“Don’t call it a tax!” is what he told me with his tongue lodged in cheek—would raise about $10 million every year. It seems unlikely that the city council would approve a regressive, if minor, “surcharge” on all consumable liquids. But just try not thinking of historical preservation the next time you sip on an ice-cold brewsky, alcoholic or not. I dare you.

10. Free Beer!

The Utah Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control’s stated purpose “is to make liquor available to those adults who choose to drink responsibly—but not to promote the sale of liquor.” In other words, far be it from the government

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Preservation Utah executive director

to take away your constitutional right to drink booze (see: 21st Amendment, ratified by Utah’s vote), but gosh heck, just do it where we can’t see ya. Liquor laws are within the domain of the Legislature, so there’s very little that can be done at the city level to tip the scales toward the “availability” end. But that’s kind of the rub: Salt Lake City is a progressive, young, up-and-coming hub for nightlife and fun. The city’s drink-partakers groan at the state’s 3.2 percent beer and its sparsely distributed state-owned liquor stores, almost all of which seem to have a state-mandated maximum of 3.2 stalls in their parking lots. Utah Hospitality Association President Dave Morris has just about had it with state officials. But, ironically, his proposal is one that would normally appeal to a conservative ethos: privatization of the industry. “Governor Herbert! Utah legislators! You are Republicans. Your party understands the free-market economy. Release the beer to the free market,” he proclaims. Morris, who owns Piper Down Pub in Salt Lake City, admits that his idea isn’t exactly “outside-the-box”: “We will not have to test new concepts. Simply cut and paste state statute from any state in the Union,” Morris suggests. It’s worth noting that 17 other states are “control states” like Utah, so one might not be able to cut-and-paste cleanly from any state laws. Regardless, Morris sees a private alcohol market in Utah as a chance to unleash the floodgates of new business for local craft beer makers, many of which are based in Salt Lake City. But for many state lawmakers, Utah establishing a freewheeling alcohol market is simply beyond the pale—appeals to free enterprise be darned. The debate around liquor laws will undoubtedly continue to rage for decades to come. But, hey, there’s always Idaho.

11. Hold onto Your Butts

Every once in awhile, a new study declaring which cities have America’s worst drivers will light up the local media market, especially when Salt Lake City ends up near the top of the list. The most recent example came this past June, when Seattle-based quotewizard.com—an online insurance marketplace—wagged its proverbial finger at SLC motorists by ranking them second-worst in the nation. The number witches and math warlocks of QuoteWizard based their rankings on a weighted analysis of accidents, DUIs, speeding tickets and traffic citations. But Robert Miles, who is the director of traffic and safety for the Utah Department of Transportation, takes umbrage with the method behind the poll’s magic. He contends that statistics on tickets and citations might say more about the local police force than it does about drivers. “Oh yeah, if everybody in the state is getting a ticket, then that’s gotta mean more bad drivers, right?” Miles says sarcastically. “Or it could mean that we live in an area

where law enforcement agencies are more conscientious about enforcing that particular law, as opposed to areas of the country where they have other things they’re more concerned about.” So does Salt Lake City actually have some of the worst drivers in the country? It depends on how you look at it. But one thing is clear: Salt Lake drivers are definitely much worse in the summer. UDOT statistics show that the occurrence of fatal accidents in Utah is 45 percent higher between Memorial Day and Labor Day than the rest of the year. UDOT calls this timespan the “100 deadliest days,” but it could be much less deadly with this one insane lifehack: wearing a seat belt. “Half of our fatalities in the state are folks who are not buckled up, and that’s pretty crazy when you consider that about 87 percent of us are buckling up,” Miles says. If saving your own life isn’t motivation enough to wear a safety belt, wear one for this simple reason: It could help give Salt Lake City a better ranking on the list next year.

12. Get Physical

Idaho has something else that Utah doesn’t and it’s not legal access to Four Loko: It’s a national laboratory. Now you might be asking yourself, “What’s a national laboratory? Does Utah have one? Does Four Loko still exist?” First, I’ll answer that last question with another question: To quote Four Loko’s website, would you say that “reinvention and risk-taking is in [your] DNA”? If so, you best be heading north of the border for some Four Loko. (Please risk-take responsibly.) Secondly, a national laboratory is a federally funded research compound managed by the Department of Energy. The laboratories are impressive facilities with the kind of expensive resources and equipment that would be financially out of reach for almost any scientist on their own. Fields of study at national labs typically encompass the physical sciences, but lab researchers hone in on more specialized areas such as renewable energy technology or computational science, among many others. There are currently 17 national laboratories scattered across the United States. Altogether, they provide tens of thousands of jobs along with immeasurable contributions to the world’s scientific progress. When the current Energy Secretary Rick Perry proposed eliminating the Department of Energy during his 2012 presidential campaign, one must have wondered if he’d chugged too many Four Lokos and forgot about national laboratories. Oops. National laboratories bring jobs, prestige and academic clout to the places that are lucky enough have them. That’s why Natalie Gochnour, associate dean at the University of Utah’s David Eccles School of Business, wants one right in Salt Lake City’s backyard. “Idaho has one, Colorado has one, New Mexico has two,

12. NM gets to have all the fun :/

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14. Require Empathy

15. Burn the Flag

AUGUST 24, 2017 | 21

Let’s go back to 2004, when Salt Lake City Mayor Rocky Anderson decided that the city’s flag was too old-fashioned for Salt Lake City. (A city on the rise!) The flag at the time had a white background with an illustration of pioneers, covered wagons, seagulls and the phrase “THIS IS THE PLACE” scribbled above the city’s name. Anderson wanted something with more contemporary pizzazz, something that depicted “the growing diversity and vibrancy of our city,” as he put it. So, his office issued a call for submissions. After a yearlong process, more than 50 entries from designers all over the world were painstakingly narrowed down

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Empathy isn’t necessarily innate. It takes extra effort to empathize with someone who’s different—their unique struggles can seem alien and abstract compared to one’s own. As a result, we can fall into a habit of diminishing the suffering of others while we dwell on our own peculiar brand of suffering. It’s the kind of thing that could happen if we exist in a “bubble,” the thin walls of which find reinforcement from like minds and like lives. In short, the smaller our world becomes, the smaller our sense of empathy can be. Empathy makes us happier, healthier humans—really, it does. A 10-year study published in 2015 of kindergartners’ behavior concluded that a child’s early ability to be cooperative with peers bodes well for their functionality and success in adulthood. Yet empathy is on the decline in America. Another study five years earlier found that college students had 40 percent less empa-

to three choices for the city council’s consideration. When the three alternate flags designs were unveiled to the council, however, they were greeted with the same enthusiasm one might show for a regifted scarf. Thus, they did what any curmudgeonly coterie of implacable bureaucrats would do: They formed a subcommittee to do all the work for them. A year-and-a-half later in October 2006, we got the dangling travesty that we all recognize today. Salt Lake City’s municipal flag is a banner of irredeemable sadness and shame. The two primary background colors— green on the top half and blue on the bottom—are swatches that were previously only available in conference center carpet patterns and default Windows 95 desktop wallpapers. But, just like the human buttocks, the center is the flag’s most feculent part. The pitch-black silhouette of what vaguely resembles Salt Lake City’s profoundly unremarkable skyline is set against an anonymous green mountain range, which cannot possibly be the Wasatch Mountains because the Wasatch Mountains are only ever slightly green between May 22 and 29. And then the coup de gross: White, bold, all-caps letters reading “SALT LAKE CITY” are emblazoned across the silhouette with all the forced presence and misplaced chutzpah of a frat boy’s Axe Body Spray. Needless to say, this flaccid flap of iniquity needs to be burned at the pole. It’s high time for a new city flag, one that doesn’t feature meaningless symbols and colors with the city’s name blasted all over it. Our fair city deserves an elegance and simplicity to its proud banner, something that evokes our shared sense of place and community without drawing a crude picture of it. We need such a flag and we need it now. At this critical turning point, Salt Lake City can hardly afford to languish in inaction. It is for this reason that I am prepared to propose a bold new initiative. We must dare to ask the tough questions and stroll confidently outside the box for solutions to our flag crisis. We need to look the truth dead in the eyes and say: I propose a subcommittee! CW

Utah’s suicide rate among all age groups has climbed steadily in recent years, from 15.8 deaths per 100,000 population in 1999 to 24.5 in 2015. That places Utah’s suicide rate at fifth-highest in the nation. According to data compiled by the Utah Department of Health, the occurrence of teen suicide in Utah has been climbing dramatically since 2007. In that year, 10 deaths per 100,000 population of Utahns ages 1017 were attributed to suicide. In 2015—the most recent year with complete data—the number of deaths rose to 44. Suicide is the No. 1 cause of death among Utah’s teens. Suicide is complicated. It’s difficult to pin down any broad sociological or cultural trend and claim it’s the root cause of a specific individual’s demise. But it’s worth doing some soul-searching here in Salt Lake City to figure out what’s going wrong before it gets even worse. But as far as social worker Candice Metzler of the Utah Pride Center is concerned, there’s at least one clear starting point for bringing the teen suicide rate down.

thy than their counterparts from just a few decades ago. Local political organizer Madalena McNeil believes a collective lack of empathy is one of the biggest roadblocks to her ability to rally civic engagement. “My big thing with political involvement is that so many people wait to get involved until they are personally and directly experiencing a negative impact from an issue. That’s not enough to change the world,” she says. To instill more empathy, McNeil would like to see our school systems add empathytraining to the curriculum. “In SLC specifically, it would make a huge difference in terms of how we treat low-income folks and people experiencing homelessness; how we respond to and act out racism, sexism, xenophobia and even how we treat people who are struggling with something minor,” she argues. Empathy training for children isn’t uncharted territory: Denmark’s emphasis on teaching empathy from a young age has garnered praise. And lest we forget that Denmark is, according to the U.N., the happiest place on Earth (sorry, Disney World). When it comes down to it, if you want things to improve in your community, McNeil contends that you need to care about the people who live there first. “Once you know another person’s fears and struggles, it’s really difficult not to want to help them,” she says.

13. Stop Telling Kids to Kill Themselves

“If there’s one thing I could change, it’s parents encouraging their children to commit suicide or in some ways kind of suggesting that it would be better for their child to commit suicide than to be LGBTQ,” she says. Metzler estimates around four clients per year—usually transgender youth— come to her saying their parents have suggested suicide to them. Metzler understandably struggles to grasp why parents would do that. “I try to get away from specifically pigeonholing certain groups,” she says, “but I think in general we come off as a state that’s supposed to be heavily invested in Christian values. And I think that flies right in the face of those values, so I’ve never been able to pull that together and understand why a parent would go there.” There’s a lot—a lot—we can do to improve our kids’ mental health prospects. For Metzler, it starts on a very basic premise: that we love and embrace our kids as the person they know themselves to be. “Giving kids hope that they’re going to be OK is the most basic thing that we can provide children to help them not feel like they need to commit suicide to solve their problems,” she says.

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and Washington and Oregon both have one. We don’t have one,” she laments. “My idea would be to encourage Sen. Orrin Hatch to use his seniority to land us a research center funded by the federal government.” Gochnour suggests the Point of the Mountain as a prime location for the lab, given its proximity to the U, BYU, Utah Valley University and Salt Lake Community College. And what kind of research would be conducted at Utah’s lab? “I can think of a lot of areas of focus, but I’m drawn to cyber-security as a place where Utah has expertise and the world has great need. Our language capabilities and the NSA center are both assets that would be helpful.” It would be a boon for Utah to score a national laboratory, but enlisting Hatch for the task might be tough right about now. Presently at the top of the Methuselean legislator’s to-do list are passing a budget, repealing and replacing Obamacare, enacting tax reform and preventing a nuclear war with North Korea.

15. Shit doesn’t even undulate.

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We often turn to art to see things we’ve never seen before, but sometimes it’s because they are things we turn a blind eye to in the course of our daily lives. Middle Eastern immigrant communities are talked about constantly on the news and in public policy, but their cultures are rarely represented in local art establishments. Cities of Conviction collects works by 19 Saudi artists (“Suspended” by Abdullah Al-Othman is pictured) in a variety of media. These artistic creations muse about the Mideast nation’s culture and how it fits into the bigger picture of life in the modern world— especially in Utah. According to Utah Museum of Contemporary Art’s curator of exhibitions Jared Steffensen, one particular image from Ahmed Mater’s book Desert of Pharan brought the cultural connection into focus. “It looked a lot like if you drove from Wendover to Salt Lake—desert, a city in the distance,” he says. “In that case, the city was Mecca. It pulled everything together for me, the similarities in the landscape, energy concerns, development springing up around a religious center.” While Steffensen was specifically looking to address the subject of Islamophobia, he saw an opportunity to draw parallels between the religious culture of Saudi Arabia and the Mormon culture of Utah. “I started thinking, is there similar language, or phrases, in Islamic texts?” he explains. “It allowed me to think about how the religious community here could understand or connect with the religious community there.” (Brian Staker) Cities of Conviction @ Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, 801328-4201, Aug. 25-Jan. 6; opening reception, Aug. 25, 7-9 p.m., free, utahmoca.org

If you have a grim, dirty and raunchy idea of what life was like in 16th-century Europe, Spencer Shattuck—assistant administrator of the Utah Renaissance Faire—wants to assure you that such a perspective isn’t what their event is all about. “We want a family-friendly fair, where our goal is to help people see that these times weren’t all dark and dreary,” he says. “There can be good fun in it as well.” That fun takes many fascinating forms at the two-day Thanksgiving Point festival. Real full-contact combat includes horseback jousting from Knights of Mayhem, and earthbound pummeling by the Armored Combat League (pictured) in what Shattuck describes as “close to 100 pounds of armor, swinging weapons as fast and hard as they can.” Performances by Minnesota’s Harp Twins and Belarus-based musicians Stary Olsa provide atmospheric music, while the food options include a VIP feast with suckling pig or turkey leg. But most important to Shattuck is the festival’s sense of community—one that is welcoming whether or not a visitor chooses to come in full costume (which is not required, but grants an admission discount). He mentions a group of 30 people who are setting up an authentic Viking village, complete with a goat farm. “They’re so enthusiastic about historical reenactment,” Shattuck says. “That’s the kind of community I love housing at my event. Come do what you enjoy; I just want you to be there because it’s so cool that we’re going to have this Viking village.” (Scott Renshaw) Utah Renaissance Faire @ Thanksgiving Point Electric Park, 3003 N. Thanksgiving Way, Lehi, Aug. 25-26, 10 a.m.-8 p.m., $8-$15 general admission; children under 6 free; $30 family passes, utahrenfaire.org

The Rose Exposed, the annual theatrical performance presented at the Rose Wagner Performing Arts Center, arrives at a crucial moment in history. For The Sky Is Falling! the six resident performing art companies at the Rose—Gina Bachauer International Piano Foundation, Plan-B Theatre Co., Pygmalion Theatre Co., Repertory Dance Theatre, RirieWoodbury Dance Co. and SB Dance—join forces to create an artistic and comedic relief surrounding the infamous idea of “fake news.” “The theme responds to how many Americans are feeling now,” Pygmalion’s Artistic Director Fran Pruyn says. “We don’t know what is happening with our country and our world, but it is certainly not like what has gone before and it is hard not to overreact.” Distinct media and forms of art, embodying the same significant theme, give audiences a wide range of perspectives on the undeniable effect of unreliable information. Performances range from Stephen Beus of Bachauer filling the theater with live music, to Pygmalion catching glimpses of Chicken Little. The evening closes with Plan-B Theatre’s cathartic dark comedy (actors Christy Summerhays and Darryl Stamp are pictured) written by Matthew Ivan Bennett. The Sky Is Falling! raises awareness on the issue of “fake news” while simultaneously lifting audiences’ spirits through an easily relatable platform. Pruyn remains “hopeful that the audience sees these different artistic expressions as interesting and viable and fun, and emotionally and intellectually stimulating.” (Julia Villar) The Rose Exposed: The Sky Is Falling! @ Rose Wagner Performing Arts Center, 138 W. 300 South, 801-355-2787, Aug. 26, 8 p.m., $10-$15, artsaltlake.org

After a combined time in show business of nearly a century, you could forgive Steve Martin and Martin Short if they chose to slow down and stick close to home rather than put together a full touring production. Instead, they’ve decided to have fun and continue entertaining live audiences—even if, during performances, Short self-deprecatingly refers to the show as, “If We’d Saved, We Wouldn’t Be Here.” The longtime friends (and two-thirds of the Three Amigos) bring all of their talents to bear in the two-hour show—including their willingness to make jokes at the expense of one another, or themselves. Short digs at Martin’s seemingly forever-gray hair, saying he looks great but “I guess that’s the charm of looking 70 when you were 30”; “‘Martin Short’ is the name I use when I check into a hotel and want to be anonymous,” retorts Martin. Then they’ll title a video montage of their classic moments “See Them Before They’re Dead.” But beyond the jabs and humility, there are the genuine gifts of these two men in both comedy and music. Martin performs on the banjo with Steep Canyon Rangers, while Short parodies Broadway musicals in the production number “Step-Brother to Jesus” from his one-man show Fame Becomes Me. Whether inviting audience participation into a salute to ¡Three Amigos! or offering the return of Short’s Hollywood insider character Jiminy Glick, it’s a virtual certainty that you won’t agree with the way they’ve titled their collaborative performance: “An Evening You Will Forget for the Rest of Your Lives.” (SR) Steve Martin & Martin Short @ Eccles Theater, 131 S. Main, 801-355-2787, Aug. 27, 7:30 p.m., $85-$195, artsaltlake.org

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very once in a while, a home needs to be remodeled. While an art museum is a home for art, it’s also so much more. In January 2016, the Utah Museum of Fine Arts was closed for renovations, including much-needed building updates. Since 2001, it has been located in the University of Utah’s Marcia and John Price Museum Building— the UMFA’s third home in its 66 years of existence. As a part of The American Alliance of Museums, the building must maintain constant temperature and humidity levels to preserve the artwork. A new “vapor barrier” in the walls protects against air loss that might compromise climate conditions. While the physical upgrades were necessary, the staff of UMFA—led by Executive Director Gretchen Dietrich—wanted to take advantage of the closure to similarly enhance both the collection’s presentation and the visitor experience. “The mission of the UMFA is to inspire critical dialogue and illuminate the role of art in our lives,” Dietrich says. “We took the opportunity to rethink just about everything we do to better fulfill that mission.” This process involved two parts. One was finding new ways to display the art itself, which included reshaping exhibit spaces; creating new labels and signage; cleaning and reframing paintings; and presenting more works by women and people of color. The other goal was improving the experience for visitors. That included making the museum easier to find—with more visible outdoor signage—and aiming for a greater sense of inclusiveness, as in bilingual informational materials. The works on display, as well as the accompanying labels and wall texts, have been revised. Almost half of the works

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are on view for the first time after years of storage—and some have never been seen before. Additional works on paper, which are very light-sensitive, are also now available. Curator Leslie Anderson has redesigned the American, Regional and European art galleries to follow more cohesive storylines. In the third, she incorporates great works to chart the history of European art from the 15th century through the 19th. A centerpiece of this area is “The Tent of Darius” (1660-61), a tapestry by French artist Charles Le Brun, who helped establish the French Academy. As a work of political propaganda that also valorized the Greco-Roman tradition, it exemplifies a number of social forces at work in art. “The new American and Regional art galleries present a more seamless narrative,” Anderson says. Westward expansion is highlighted, and she notes, “in keeping with the emphasis on movement, the works displayed demonstrate cultural exchange and artistic mobility.” This section, and the entire museum, have been reconfigured to focus on education. “Each installation seeks to expand and challenge the canon by introducing our visitors to artists previously overlooked or under-researched,” Anderson says. “The new galleries turn critical eyes toward the rules that have governed art history and museum installations in the past.” The contemporary section has been similarly revised by curator Whitney Tassie to present A Fuller Picture: Selections from the Modern and Contemporary Collection, responding to the gender bias in the art world by presenting only works by women. High-

UMFA collections staff and guest curator Virginia-Lee Webb install new objects in the Arts of the Pacific gallery.

lights include Japanese artist Yayoi Kusama’s masterpiece painting “Infinity Nets” (1959), Samoan artist Yuki Kihara’s silent video “Siva in Motion” (2012), and works by local artists like Jann Haworth, including her sculpture “The White Charm Bracelet” (1963-64, remade 2004). “Progress has been made,” Tassie says, “but sexism is still part of the language and structure of the art world.” As part of the overhaul, UMFA’s African art collection now has a dedicated gallery space for the first time. Virginia-Lee Webb of New York’s Metropolitan Museum of Art helped curate this gallery, and through her connections, the museum garnered stunning, rare pieces on loan. The Arts of the Pacific section has also been rethought and reinstalled, with a blessing from local cultural leaders. Also opening in conjunction with the relaunch are two temporary shows: Here, Here, an interactive exhibition by the group Las Hermanas Iglesias, in the museum’s new interactive ACME Lab space; and Spencer Finch’s site-specific installation in the Great Hall. The two-day reopening festivities include curator talks, tours, films, yoga, kids activities and even a dance party, but it’s really about re-introducing people to a phenomenal place to experience visual art. “Great art engages us and connects us to people in the past through many universal themes of humanity: love, death, loss, joy, beauty, pain and sorrow,” Dietrich says. “When we spend time with great art, we connect personally to others and expand our worldview. We discover new ways of thinking and seeing—not only the art, but ourselves and the ever-changing world we live in today.” CW

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ADELAIDE RYDER

24 | AUGUST 24, 2017

| CITY WEEKLY |

MUSEUM

Marcia and John Price Museum Building 410 Campus Center Drive, University of Utah 801-581-7332 Saturday-Sunday, Aug. 26-27 Free

new hours • fri-mon 10am-6pm

saturdaycycles.com 605 n 300 w, slc •

(801)

935-4605

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WWW.SALTLAKEGREEKFESTIVAL.COM

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SEPTEMBER 8TH - 10TH 279 SOUTH 300 WEST

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moreESSENTIALS

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Anthony Solorzano—professor of Ethnic Studies at the University of Utah—presents photography gathered over three years capturing Holy Week as celebrated by Utah’s Roman Catholic Latinos in Popular Religiosity in the Latino Communities of Utah, on display at Salt Lake City Main Library through Sept. 22.

PERFORMANCE THEATER

Always ... Patsy Cline The Grand Theatre, 1575 S. State, 801-957-3322, through Sept. 22, Thursday-Saturday, 7:30 p.m.; 2 p.m. Saturday matinee, trandtheatrecompany.com Annie Heritage Theatre, 2505 S. Highway 89, Perry, 435-723-8392, Aug. 25-Sept. 16, Friday, Saturday & Monday, 7:30 p.m., heritagetheatreutah.com As You Like It Engelstad Shakespeare Theatre, 200 W. College Ave., Cedar City, 435-586-7878, through Sept. 7, times vary, bard.org Guys and Dolls Randall L. Jones Theatre, 300 W. Center St., Cedar City, 435-586-7878, through Sept. 1, times vary, bard.org Heart of Robin Hood Hale Centre Theatre, 3333 S. Decker Lake Drive, West Valley City, 801-9849000, Aug. 25-Oct. 14, hct.org How to Fight Loneliness Anes Studio Theatre, 195 W. Center St., Cedar City, 435-586-7880, Aug. 25-Oct. 14, times vary, bard.org Mamma Mia Tuacahn Center for the Arts, 1100 Tuacahn Drive, Ivins, 435-652-3200, through Oct. 21, times and dates vary, tuacahn.org A Midsummer Night’s Dream Randall L. Jones Theatre, 300 W. Center St., Cedar City, 453-5867878, through Oct. 21, times vary, bard.org Peter and the Starcatcher The Ziegfeld Theater, 3934 S. Washington Blvd., Ogden, 855-944-2787, through Sept. 2, times vary, theziegfeldtheater.com Pillow Talk Hale Center Theater, 225 W. 400 North, Orem, 801-226-8600, through Sept. 23, times vary, haletheater.org Romeo and Juliet Engelstad Shakespeare Theatre, 200 W. College Ave., Cedar City, 435-586-7878, through Sept. 9, times vary, bard.org

Saturday’s Voyeur SLAC, 168 W. 500 North, 801-363-7522, through Aug. 27, times vary, saltlakeactingcompany.org Seussical the Musical Draper Historic Theatre, 12366 S. 900 East, Draper, 801-572-4144, through Aug. 26, times vary, drapertheatre.org Shakespeare in Love Engelstad Shakespeare Theatre, 200 W. College Ave., Cedar City, 435-5867878, through Sept. 8, times vary, bard.org Thoroughly Modern Millie Brigham’s Playhouse, 25 N. 300 West, Washington, 435-251-8000, through Sept. 23, ThursdaySaturday, 7 p.m.; Saturday matinee 2 p.m., brighamsplayhouse.com Treasure Island Randall L. Jones Theatre 300 W. Center St., Cedar City, 435-586-7878, through Sept. 2, times vary, bard.org Utahoma Off Broadway Theatre, 272 S. Main, 801-355-4628, through Sept. 16, Friday, Saturday & Monday, 7:30 p.m., theobt.org Wicked-er Desert Star Theatre, 4861 S. State, Murray, 801-266-2600, through Nov. 4, desertstar.biz William Shakespeare’s Long-Lost First Play Eileen and Allen Anes Studio Theatre, 195 W. Center St., Cedar City, 435-586-7878, through Oct. 21, times vary, bard.org

DANCE

The Oquirrh West Project Rose Wagner Black Box Theatre, 138 W. 300 South, 801-355-2787, Aug. 25, 5 & 7:30 p.m., artsaltlake.org

COMEDY & IMPROV

Billy Anderson Wiseguys SLC, 194 S. 400 West, 801-532-5233, Aug. 27, 7:30 p.m., 21+, wiseguyscomedy.com Chris D’Elia Wiseguys SLC, 194 S. 400 West, 801532-5233, Aug. 24-26, Thursday, 7:30 p.m.; Friday & Saturday, 7 & 9:30 p.m., 21+, wiseguyscomedy.com Drew Lynch Wiseguys Ogden, 269 25th St., 801-622-5588, Aug. 25-26, 8 p.m., 21+, wiseguyscomedy.com Open-Mic Night Wiseguys SLC, 194 S. 400 West, 801-532-5233, Wednesdays, 7:30 p.m., 21+, wiseguyscomedy.com Steve Martin & Martin Short Eccles Theater, 131 S. Main, 801-355-2787, Aug. 27, 7:30 p.m., live-at-the-eccles.com (see p. 22)

LITERATURE AUTHOR APPEARANCES

Guest Writers Series: Welcome Back Reading Art Barn, 1340 E. 100 South, 801-596-5000, Aug. 24, 7 p.m., saltlakearts.org Lisa Bickman: Ephemerist The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, 801-484-9100, Aug. 24, 7 p.m., kingsenglish.com Cynthia Clark: Stories in your Hands Barnes & Noble, 7119 S. 1300 East, 801-565-0086, Aug. 26, 3 p.m., barnesandnoble.com

SPECIAL EVENTS FARMERS MARKETS

9th West Farmers Market International Peace Gardens, 1000 S. 900 West, through Oct. 29, Sundays, 10 a.m.-2 p.m., 9thwestfarmersmarket.org Downtown Farmers Market Pioneer Park, 350 W. 300 South, through Oct. 28, 8 a.m.-2 p.m., slcfarmersmarket.org

moreESSENTIALS Downtown Farmers Market Tuesday Harvest Market Pioneer Park, 350 W. 300 South, through Oct. 31, Tuesdays, 4 p.m.-dusk, slcfarmersmarket.org South Jordan Farmers Market 1600 Towne Center Drive, South Jordan, through Oct. 29, Sundays, 8 a.m.-2 p.m., sjc.utah.gov Sugar House Farmers Market Fairmont Park, 1040 E. Sugarmont Drive, through Oct. 25, Wednesdays, 5-8 p.m., sugarhousefarmersmarket.org

FESTIVALS & FAIRS

Family Flight Festival The Leonardo, 209 E. 500 South, Aug. 26–27, 10 a.m.-5 p.m., theleonardo.org Made in Utah Festival The Gateway, 131 S. Rio Grande St., Aug. 26, 11 a.m.-9 p.m., utahstories.com The Rose Exposed: The Sky Is Falling Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, 801-3552787, Aug. 26, 8 p.m., artsaltlake.org (see p. 22) Utah Renaissance Faire Thanksgiving Point Electric Park, 3003 N. Thanksgiving Way, Lehi, Aug. 25-26, 10 a.m.-8 p.m., utahrenfaire.org (see p. 22)

TALKS & LECTURES

“It Starts With You” Speaker Series Grand Theatre, 1575 S. State, Aug. 29, 7:30 p.m., grandtheatrecompany.com

RACING

GALLERIES & MUSEUMS

U r ba n lo U n g e · m U r r ay t h e at e r k i l by co U rt · m av e r i c k c e n t e r ba r d e lUx e · t h e co m p l e x · a n d m o r e !

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Al Ahad: The Hijab Project UMOCA, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through Nov. 18; artist reception, Aug. 25, 6-9 p.m., utahmoca.org Andrea Henkels Heidinger: Shared Artifacts Marmalade Library, 280 W. 500 North, 801-5948680, through Sept. 29; artist reception, Aug. 26, 4 p.m., slcpl.org Anthony Solorzano: Popular Religiosity in the Latino Communities of Utah SLC Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801-524-8200, through Sept. 22, slcpl.org (see p. 26) Amy Fairchild: Color My World SLC Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801-524-8200, through Sept. 15, slcpl.org Art, Politics & Alternative Realities Phillips Gallery, 444 E. 200 South, 801-364-8284, through Sept. 8, phillips-gallery.com Cities of Conviction UMOCA, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, Aug. 25-Jan. 6; opening reception Aug. 25, 7-9 p.m., utahmoca.org (see p. 22) Face of Utah Sculpture XIII Utah Cultural Celebration Center, 1355 W. 3100 South, 801-9655100, through Aug. 30, culturalcelebration.org Eight O’Clock in the Morning Urban Arts Gallery, 137 S. Rio Grande, 801-230-0820, through Sept. 3; artist reception, Aug. 18, 6-9 p.m., urbanartsgallery.org

Low or no service fees

VISUAL ART

Fahimeh Amiri and Students: Children’s Expression Through Painting SLC Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801-524-8200, Aug. 28-Oct. 13, artist reception Aug. 29, 6:30-8 p.m., slcpl.org Jaime Salvador Castillo & Michael Anthony Garcia: whereABOUTS UMOCA, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through Dec. 9; artist reception Aug. 25, 7-9 p.m., utahmoca.org Janiece Murray Finch Lane Gallery, 1340 E. 100 South, 801-596-5000, through Sept. 22, saltlakearts.org Jason Manley: Shrinking Room UMOCA, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-420, Aug. 25-Sept. 30; artist reception, Aug. 25, 6-9 p.m., utahmoca.org Joseph Bishop: Smoke Signals Anderson Foothill Library, 1135 S. 2100 East, 801-594-8611, through Sept. 14, slcpl.org Joy Nunn: Journey Back Art at the Main, 210 E. 400 South, 801-363-4088, through Sept. 9, artatthemain.com Laura Sharp Wilson Finch Lane Gallery, 1340 E. 100 South, 801-596-5000, through Sept. 22, saltlakearts.org Luke Watson: Anthropocene Chapman Library, 577 S. 900 West, 801-594-8623, through Aug. 24, slcpl.org Masterworks of Western American Art David Dee Fine Arts, 1709 E. 1300 South, 801-583-8143, through Aug. 31, daviddeefinearts.com Michael Ryan Handley: Sublimation UMOCA, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through Sept. 9, utahmoca.org Milton Cacho: Camera Collection Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801-524-8200, through Sept. 16, slcpl.org Naomi Marine: Sleepwalking Sprague Library Library, 2131 S. 1100 East, 801-594-8640, through Aug. 26, slcpl.org Naomi S. Adams: Structural Language Salt Lake Community College South City, 1575 S. State, 801-957-4111, through Sept. 7, slcc.edu Nathaniel Praska: Progress and Development Mestizo Institute of Culture and Arts, 631 W. North Temple, Ste. 700, through Sept. 8, facebook.com/mestizoarts Ryan Rue Allen: Flowing Imagination and Changes Day-Riverside Library, 1575 W. 1000 North, 801-594-8632, through Sept. 30; artist reception, Aug. 30, 6 p.m., slcpl.org Sabrina Squires: Natural Kaleidoscope SLC Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801-524-8200, through Sept. 15, slcpl.org Safe and Sound UMOCA, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through Sept. 23, utahmoca.org Sticks Laid In Patterns and Other Mundane Oracles Alice Gallery, 617 E. South Temple, 801236-7555, through Sept. 8, heritage.utah.gov Things Lost to Time SLC Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801-524-8200, through Sept. 30, slcpl.org Tina Vigos: Seeking Grace Sprague Library, 2131 S. 1100 East, 801-594-8640, Aug. 28-Oct. 21, slcpl.org Trent Call, Michael Murdock and Gailon Justus Evolutionary Healthcare, 461 E. 200 South, through Oct. 13, evolutionaryhealthcare.com/blog Under the Influence: Eight Local Artists Influenced by Animation Rio Gallery, 300 S. Rio Grande St., 801-245-7272, through Sept. 1, heritage.utah.gov Utah Museum of Fine Arts Reopening Party UMFA, 410 Campus Center Drive, 801-581-7332, Aug.26-27, umfa.utah.edu (see p. 24) Woman/Women The Leonardo, 209 E. 500 South, 801-531-9800, through Aug. 31, theleonardo.org

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Summer Sendoff Big Bracket Race Rocky Mountain Raceways, 6555 W. 2100 South, West Valley City, 385-352-3991, Aug. 24-27, rmrracing.com Mini MX Summer Race Rocky Mountain Raceways, 6555 W. 2100 South, West Valley City, 385-352-3991, Aug. 24, 5 p.m., rmrracing.com SSO Nitro Shoot Out Rocky Mountain Raceways, 6555 W. 2100 South, West Valley, 385-352-3991, Aug. 26, rmrracing.com RMR Jr. Drag Racing Rocky Mountain Raceways, 6555 W. 2100 South, West Valley, 385-352-3991, Aug. 30, 5 p.m. rmrracing.com

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TED SCHEFFLER

DINE

The Power of We

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We Olive & Wine Bar opens in Trolley Square. BY TED SCHEFFLER tscheffler@cityweekly.net @critic1

28 | AUGUST 24, 2017

| CITY WEEKLY |

Contemporary Japanese Dining LUNCH • DINNER • COCKTAILS

18 MARKET STREET • 801.519.9595

alt Lake City’s iconic Trolley Square has had its ups and downs. And, just when it seemed to be at its lowest ebb, Whole Foods came to the rescue with a big new store and accompanying shoppers and diners. The place seems revitalized these days, and the recent opening of We Olive & Wine Bar is the latest evidence of a Trolley Square upswing. The name is odd, right? It’s a mystery to me how the “We” came to be; at press time, a corporate representative hadn’t replied to a query about the etymology. But what I do know is that We Olive is a company originally founded in California that specializes in locally sourced (Californian, that is) extra virgin olive oils and aged balsamic vinegars. Some of the locations offer a wine bar experience in tandem with oil tastings—a tantalizing combo. The SLC location is really three things in one: a store selling myriad types of flavored oils and vinegars, a wine bar and a café/bistro. You might drop in to buy one or more of their vast of olive oil selections, belly up to the bar for a glass of wine, enjoy a panini or all three. Salt Lake City’s We Olive is a family affair—the business of brothers Josh and Nate Garcia, and their mother, Stephanie Ennis Garcia. Stephanie, a BYU graduate, discovered the restaurant in La Jolla, Calif., and decided to open a branch here with her attorney son Nate and chef Josh, the latter of whom did a long stint cooking with the Gastronomy Inc. restaurant group. Stephanie designed the airy, inviting space.

Fromage flatbread at We Olive & Wine Bar You might not be aware of how creative artisan olive oil producers can get until you step into a place like this. Here, you’ll find oils infused with jalapeño, basil, blood orange, Meyer lemon, garlic, chipotle and more, plus an array of high-end EVOO (extra virgin olive oil), including some that are smoked. As for vinegars, in addition to straightforward balsamics—including white varieties—you’ll find flavors like sangria, roasted pepper and blackberry, D’Anjou pear, chile ancho, peach, pineapple, mulled spice and strawberry. Clear some room in your kitchen pantry before you go shopping here. The food menu consists of sandwiches and paninis, flatbreads, salads and smallplate offerings such as ricotta with fresh herbs ($10), peppadews stuffed with Genoa salami and goat cheese ($9), prosciuttowrapped dates ($11) and the like. Upon being seated, you’ll be presented with gratis sliced baguette-style bread, balsamic vinegar and olive oils for dipping. There are 28 wines to select from—an equal number of reds and whites—most offered by the taste (1 ounce), glass (5 ounces) or bottle (750 milliliter). Tasters range from $1.50 for Tangent sauvignon blanc to $4 for Lucienne Lone Oak Vineyard pinot noir. Bottle prices run from $25 for Wine By Joe Rosé to $89 for the aforementioned Lucienne. Service at We Olive & Wine Bar is professional and friendly and even stopping in for just a charcuterie or cheese plate and a sip of vino feels like a mini-getaway. My favorite pairing—a virtual slam-dunk—is the scrumptious and addictive pairing of fromage flatbread ($10) with Gruet Méthode Champenoise sparkling brut rosé. Give it a go. Your taste buds will thank you. Check their calendar for events such as mimosa brunch, yoga and wine-tasting, winemaker’s visits and more. CW

WE OLIVE & WINE BAR

602 E. 500 South (Trolley Square), SLC 801-448-7489 weolive.com/salt-lake-city

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FOOD MATTERS BY SCOTT RENSHAW

AUTHENTIC MEXICAN FOOD & Fresh Nayarit Style Seafood

Mi Lindo 145 E. 1300 S. AS SEEN ON “ DINERS, DRIVE-INS AND DIVES”

Nayarit 

#303



801.908.5727

Serving American Comfort Food Since 1930 -CREEKSIDE PATIO-87 YEARS AND GOING STRONG-BREAKFAST SERVED DAILY UNTIL 4PM-DELICIOUS MIMOSAS & BLOODY MARY’S-LIVE MUSIC ON THE PATIO-SCHEDULE AT RUTHSDINER.COM“In a perfect world, every town would have a diner just like Ruth’s” -CityWeekly

“Like having dinner at Mom’s in the mountains” -Cincinnati Enquirer

4160 EMIGRATION CANYON ROAD | 801 582-5807 | WWW.RUTHSDINER.COM

VINCE CORAK

@scottrenshaw

Winning Wine Lists

Wine Spectator magazine has named the winners of its 2017 Restaurant Awards in its August issue, and several Utah restaurants are once again among the honorees. A total of 23 locations were identified in the awards, which highlight restaurants around the world offering the best wine selections, with six in the more exclusive “Best of Award of Excellence” category: Spencer’s for Steaks and Chops (spencersforsteaksandchops.com), The Aerie (snowbird.com), Bangkok Thai on Main (bangkokthaionmain.com), La Caille (lacaille.com), J&G Grill (jggrilldeercrest.com) and Glitretind (steinlodge.com). Congrats to all. For the full winners’ list, visit restaurants. winespectator.com.

2991 E. 3300 S. | 385.528.0181

Current Schedule

If you’re accustomed to eating at Current Fish & Oyster (279 E. 300 South, 801-3263474, currentfishandoyster.com) on Sundays, you need to prepare yourself for a bit of a time shift. As of Aug. 13, Current now is open for dinner on Sundays beginning at 4 p.m., serving the same fresh, sustainable seafood specialties by Executive Chef Alan Brines that have made its name. In conjunction with the shift, the restaurant has ceased weekend brunch operations, according to a press release by General Manager Andrew Cliburn, “to focus on playing to our strengths as a company.”

Mudbug Feast

If you’ve ever wanted to experience the unique experience of a Louisiana-style crawfish extravaganza, but can’t make it halfway across the country, here’s a chance right in our own backyard. Earl’s Lodge and Patio at Snowbird Resort (3925 Snowbasin Road, Huntsville, 801620-1021, snowbasin.com) hosts a Cajun Crawfish Boil on Friday, Aug. 25, from 6:30-9:30 p.m. For $68 per person (reservations required), you’ll get a bayou banquet featuring cheddar cornbread, sliced tasso ham with red eye-gravy, grits and bread pudding with pecan whiskey sauce—plus a big bucket of crawfish. Enjoy a traditional Dixieland jazz band with your meal, and remember: Pinch the tail, and suck the head. Quote of the Week: “I don’t eat lobsters, shrimp or crawfish because I don’t eat anything that looks like I should step on it.” —George Carlin Send tips to: comments@cityweekly.net

Award Winning Donuts

705 S. 700 E. | (801) 537-1433

Nitro-Fueled

A different gas makes for a different kind of beer. BY MIKE RIEDEL comments@cityweekly.net @utahbeer

they can now start developing new nitro brands to an ever-expanding audience. Besides putting Polygamy Nitro Porter in bottles (and now also cans), the UBC has also developed a new nitro ale from Squatters called, appropriately enough, Nitro Red Ale. This ale is a deep ruby color that is aggressively hopped to overcome the softening effects of the gas. The result is a velvety smooth ale that has a nice fruitiness brought on by the malts and the addition of Comet hops. It’s a nice contrast from Polygamy Nitro Porter’s milk chocolate and

espresso qualities. Polygamy Nitro cans (6 percent ABV) can be found at all DABC stores, and Squatters Nitro Red Ale will be hitting most grocery- and convenience store shelves in two weeks. If that’s not enough to help you get your nitro groove on, I’m excited to be the first to let you know that Wasatch is packaging their award-winning pumpkin ale in nitro cans for home consumption. Look for it at the end of August. That makes three canned nitro offerings. It’s good to be a beer nerd, eh? As always, cheers! CW

AUG 26TH

2005 E. 2700 SOUTH, SLC FELDMANSDELI.COM FELDMANSDELI OPEN TUES - SAT TO GO ORDERS: (801) 906-0369

SEPT 2ND SEPT 9TH

keith taylor utah slim pat and roy

now serving breakfast

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

he odds are pretty good that your goto beer has carbon dioxide (CO2) in it. It’s the standard gas in beer because it’s a natural part of the fermentation process. There is, however, an alternative method for conditioning beer that uses nitrogen (N2) instead. The process for nitro beers, as they are now known, was developed by St. James’ Gate Brewery (Guinness) back in the late 1950s. The goal was to duplicate the feel of traditional cask ales while serving them from kegs instead of the older gravity-driven casks. They discovered that the nitrogen didn’t dissolve so easily. This gave the beer a creamy and smooth mouthfeel that tended to dampen the perceived bitterness that CO2 created. The nitrogen addition was a game-changer for Guinness, and it quickly spread across the U.K.

About 20 years later, Guinness pioneered another innovation in nitro beers, adding the gas to bottled beer. Given the solubility issue, their solution was to add a plastic capsule—or “widget”—in the bottle that would rupture when the beer was opened, thus releasing the gas only as it was served. One of our local breweries has committed itself to the development of nitro brews in our market, and has been an innovator in implementing the newest technology and techniques. The Utah Brewers Cooperative was formed in 2000 by Wasatch and Squatters as a joint venture to aid in their mutual pursuit of getting their beers to thirsty Utahns. A decade later, they merged into one company, and became at that time the largest brewery in the Utah. One of the UBC’s biggest sellers has been Polygamy Porter; its combination of name and drinkability made it a perfect candidate for nitration. Around 2012, Wasatch began offering their porter on N2 taps around the state to huge kudos; it was only a matter of time before they expanded it to bottles. There was one problem, however: Those aforementioned widgets are little pricey, so they needed an alternative. After years of research, the UBC developed a proprietary method for infusing nitrogen into beer without a widget. Only Colorado’s Left Hand Brewing Co. has similarly succeeded in this. With this new tech at their disposal,

MIKE RIEDEL

BEER NERD

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A sampler of our critic’s reviews

italianvillageslc.com

Beef cheek tacos at Mi Caramelo

Get your Italian on. 5370 S. 900 E. MURRAY, UT MON-THU 11a-11p FRI-SAT 11a-12a / SUN 3p-10p

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TED SCHEFFLER

Italian Village

REVIEW BITES

801.266.4182

Taquería Mi Caramelo

Enjoy a broad range of authentically delicious Tijuana-style street tacos for just $2 a piece at this friendly West Valley restaurant organized into separate lines depending on which items you want because, for example, the tacos al pastor are so popular that they have a line all to their own—and rightly so, since the version here is second to none. Although there is a salsa and condiment bar, tacos are topped individually by the taqueros depending on the type, e.g. the tender, tasty cachete (beef cheek) tacos come with tomatillo salsa. My very favorite of all the types I tried is the maciza—slowly stewed pork shoulder, like carnitas but juicier. In addition to street tacos, Mi Caramelo also makes quesadillas, vampiros (a grilled, crunchy corn tortilla with toppings that gets its name from the tortilla warping into the shape of a bat’s ear) and mulitas (made by pressing fillings between two corn tortillas and adding a hearty dose of cheese). That they’re open 24 hours on Fridays and Saturdays, and until 1 a.m. the rest of the week, seals the deal for Mi Caramelo as my new favorite taquería. Reviewed Aug. 3. 1808 W. 3500 South, West Valley City, 801-883-9245, tacosmicaramelo.com

BREAKFAST and LUNCH

ere... h is r e m m Su

Bröst!

STORE

served

 Established 2004 

ALL DAY!

★★★★★

BEST RUEBEN

694 East Union Square, SANDY

20 W. 200 S. SLC

(801) 355-3891 • siegfriedsdelicatessen.biz

GIFT CERTIFICATES TO UTAH’S FINEST

DEVOURUTAHSTORE.COM

801-572-5148 | 7 Days a Week | 7am - 3pm

brittonsrestaurant.com

FILM REVIEW

Freedom of Choice

CINEMA

Good Time makes great cinema out of bad decisions. BY DAVID RIEDEL comments@cityweekly.net @davidmriedel

A24 FILMS

Robert Pattinson in Good Time and there are several—there’s no letting up. The script by Ronald Bronstein and codirector Josh Safdie has Connie tumble from one bad situation to the next, and Sean Price Williams’ cinematography is a wonderfully skittery jumble of handheld shots, extreme close-ups and static work that changes with Connie’s mood and circumstances. Daniel Lopatin’s emphatic electronic score ramps up tension or eases it at just the right moments, and there’s isn’t a false note from the actors. Pattinson’s performance is worlds away from Edward the vampire, but he’s been turning in dynamite under-the-radar stuff, such as Maps to the Stars and The Rover, for years. Buddy Duress, who’s so good it’s almost like he’s not acting, pops up halfway through the movie as the guy who makes worse decisions than Connie, and Safdie is heartbreaking as Nick. There hasn’t been such a thrill ride in what feels like a decade. It’s one of the best films of the year. CW

GOOD TIME

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BBBB Robert Pattinson Benny Safdie Jennifer Jason Leigh R

TRY THESE Cosmopolis (2012) Robert Pattinson Juliette Binoche R

The Rover (2014) Guy Pearce Robert Pattinson R

Heaven Knows What (2014) Arielle Holmes Caleb Landry Jones R

AUGUST 24, 2017 | 33

Twilight (2008) Kristen Stewart Robert Pattinson PG-13

Connie hauls Nick to a fast-food restaurant to get cleaned up—Nick uses toilet water to get the powder off him at first—and stuffs the bag in the bathroom ceiling. Then, back on the street, nearly clean but clearly covered in anti-theft powder, Nick and Connie are chased on foot by cops until Nick crashes head-first through a glass door and is arrested. Note: I’ve described only Good Time’s first 15 minutes. The rest of the movie is so bonkers, so completely unpredictable—I was unsurprised by only one plot twist out of approximately a dozen—that it’s completely exhilarating. There’s little character development, but plenty of plot to keep it hurtling forward as Connie tries in vain repeatedly to bail Nick out of jail, yet it never feels episodic or disjointed or inorganic. It exists as a piece of pure cinema; all it asks is that you accept it and go along. Keep in mind, Connie only makes bad decisions. If you grimace at four-letter words, fistfights and the occasional screaming match between mother and daughter—the daughter, Corey, is played by Jennifer Jason Leigh, and she’s Connie’s sugar mama—Good Time ain’t for you. But if you’re willing to let Good Time roll, it’s something to behold. It sounds cliché, but “hanging on the edge of your seat” is a phrase that applies. Whether Connie is scamming Corey, pleading with a bail bondsman, or dealing with characters who make worse bad decisions than he does—

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

here is one quiet scene in Good Time, and it’s the first, as Nick Nikas (codirector Benny Safdie) is asked to play word association with a social services psychiatrist (Peter Verby). The camera cuts back and forth in tight shots between the two of them, with the shrink gently pressing Nick more and more to explain his answers, and Nick becoming emotional—a single tear rolls down his cheek—as he is unable to explain himself. Nick is developmentally disabled, the psychiatrist is (likely) court-appointed, and moments later Nick’s degenerate brother Connie (Robert Pattinson) bursts in. He chastises the shrink for making Nick cry, then herds Nick out of the office and into a life of crime—and Good Time puts its foot to the gas and never lets up. This is a movie about decisions, and two main characters who make only bad ones populate it. One always makes the best bad decision, and one always makes the worst bad decision. Every time. The first bad decision Connie makes—after taking Nick from people who could help him—is to rob a bank with Nick’s help. We see them standing in a teller’s line, wearing masks designed to make them look like black men. They also have bright orange vests on to make it appear as if they’re working construction nearby. The bank robbery goes off well enough, until Connie makes another bad decision—probably the best one under the circumstances—to have the teller go to the vault to gather more money. Although Connie and Nick ditch their robbery attire and masks and even have a livery driver waiting to take them to Port Authority in Manhattan, they don’t count on the anti-theft pack hidden with the cash. It explodes and covers them in fluorescent puce powder, rendering most of the money useless.

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34 | AUGUST 24, 2017

CINEMA CLIPS NEW THIS WEEK

MOVIE TIMES AND LOCATIONS AT CITYWEEKLY.NET cheating on his mother (Cynthia Nixon) with a gorgeous woman CURRENT RELEASES (Kate Beckinsale) with whom Thomas then becomes infatu-

Information is correct at press time. Film release schedules are subject to change.

ALL SAINTS [not yet reviewed] Fact-based story of a pastor (John Corbett) helping Southeast Asian refugees start a farm. Opens Aug. 25 at theaters valleywide. (PG) BIRTH OF THE DRAGON [not yet reviewed] The true-ish story of the 1960s battle that turned Bruce Lee (Philip Ng) into a kung-fu legend. Opens Aug. 25 at theaters valleywide. (PG-13) GOOD TIME BBBB See review on p. 33. Opens Aug. 25 at theaters valleywide. (R) LEAP! [ZERO STARS] It’s ballerina porn for little girls (and maybe a few little boys, too), one with the worst possible messages for anyone who dreams of the physically demanding life of wearing a tutu. In a wildly anachronistic late 1880s France, orphan Felicie (voice of Elle Fanning) runs away to a Disney-esque Parisland, where she lies and cheats her way into a ballet school at the prestigious Paris Opera; a soaring pop song celebrates this as a triumph of her ambitions. Later, she’s cast in a production of The Nutcracker (which would not debut until 1892—in Russia) and performs without benefit of a single rehearsal. She really, really wants to be a dancer, you see, and she has heart, so it’s all good. Who needs years of practice when you’ve got passion? This cheesy French/Canadian cartoon features animation like mid-2000s videogame cut scenes, an obnoxious score, corny “humor” and cringe-worthy dialogue. Oh, and there’s also the chase sequence up and around the under-construction Statue of Liberty (which was already in New York at this point), because that’s always a part of ballet’s artistic process. Opens Aug. 25 at theaters valleywide. (PG)—MaryAnn Johanson THE ONLY LIVING BOY IN NEW YORK B.5 It’s the story of a directionless young man who has an affair with an older woman, set to Simon & Garfunkel music, but the desperation with which this narcissistic melodrama tries to mimic The Graduate only emphasizes how little director Marc Webb and screenwriter Allan Loeb seem to understand it. Recent college grad Thomas (Callum Turner) is fumbling through his days in Manhattan, until he discovers that his father (Pierce Brosnan) is

THE HITMAN’S BODYGUARD BBB You might never duplicate the ineffable chemistry of Midnight Run, but if you’re gonna make an ersatz version, this’ll do in a pinch. Private security agent Michael Bryce (Ryan Reynolds) is brought in to escort hired assassin Darius Kincaid (Samuel L. Jackson) from England to The Hague to testify at the war-crimes trial of a genocidal world leader (Gary Oldman). The unpleasant history between Bryce and Kincaid puts to fine use the two actors’ gifts for florid vulgarity, a dynamic complemented by plenty of weird background business and some solidly constructed chase sequences. Indeed, banter and bullets would add up to something pretty great if it didn’t feel so … damn … dragged … out. It’s like the EuropaCorp version of Midnight Run, except Luc Besson would have pulled this ticking-clock action comedy into the station in under 100 minutes. (PG-13)—SR

ated. There’s also a magical guru (Jeff Bridges) who appears to speak to Thomas exclusively in literary quotes, lending an even more insufferable quality to this story of privileged people who romanticize a “gritty” pre-gentrification New York that never would have touched them with violence or hardship. It’s hard to imagine that Loeb could have concocted a script more preposterous than the one he wrote for Collateral Beauty, but here he is, celebrating youthful self-absorption in a collection of fanciful clichés where the most plausible thing that happens is someone immediately hailing a New York City cab in the pouring rain. Opens Aug. 25 at Broadway Centre Cinemas. (R)—Scott Renshaw WHOSE STREETS? BBB Director Sabaah Folayan walks an effective line between big picture and individual stories in this you-are-there account of Mike Brown Jr.’s death in a police shooting in Ferguson, Mo., and the ensuing community protests. Those protests unfold with the urgency of footage captured on phone cameras, interspersed with on-screen Twitter messages clarifying the role of social media as de facto journalism and rallying cry, while material from news coverage shows how much the media brought an infuriating “both sides” dynamic to focusing on looting just as much as military-style police reaction. Folayan paints compelling character studies of individual community activists like Brittany Ferrell, bringing articulate passion to the story beyond the marches and slogans. Most significantly, though, it feels like a holistic portrait of a city that became a national buzzword, reminding us that people still had to make this place their home after the TV cameras moved on. If one overarching, heartbreaking story emerges, it’s the sense of people wondering if the “normal” in their own lives will ever be the “normal” enjoyed by Americans who don’t happen to be poor and black. Opens Aug. 25 at Broadway Centre Cinemas. (R)—SR

LOGAN LUCKY BBB Steven Soderbergh returns to the big screen with the kind of frisky heist caper he mastered in the Ocean’s trilogy. Jimmy Logan (Channing Tatum), a one-time pro football prospect who blew out his knee, enlists the aid of his siblings (Adam Driver and Riley Keough) and a jailed demolitions expert (Daniel Craig) to steal cash deposits from Charlotte Motor Speedway. There’s a weak link in Jimmy’s relationship with his daughter, which in theory motivates his actions, but the superficial pleasures are plentiful, and the heist itself delivers all the ingenious planning and backtracking twists you could hope for. While it feels like a structural miscalculation to spend a lot of post-robbery time on the FBI investigation, there’s enough good will built up by the previous 100 minutes, and the work of a filmmaker who understands how to please an audience. (PG-13)—SR

WIND RIVER BBB.5 Here’s one of those rare thrillers that doesn’t kill its characters for kicks, but to remind us that when people die, they’re dead, and their loved ones are forever haunted. Cory Lambert (Jeremy Renner), a U.S. Fish and Wildlife agent, discovers the frozen body of a Native American woman while tracking a mountain lion, but because the body is found on the Wind River reservation, homicide investigation belongs to the federal government. In pops FBI agent Jane Banner (Elizabeth Olsen) from Las Vegas, ill-prepared for the cold weather but pretty smart about everything else. Jane and Cory form a quick bond, and he’s soon helping Jane with her investigation. The whodunit goes in unexpected directions, with unexpected villains and at a refreshingly quick pace. Writer-director Taylor Sheridan coaxes superb performances from the entire cast, especially Gil Birmingham as Natalie’s father. (R)—David Riedel

SPECIAL SCREENINGS THE BIG LEBOWSKI At Tower Theatre, Aug. 25-26, 11 p.m.; Aug. 27, noon. (R) THE CRASH REEL At Main Library, Aug. 29, 7 p.m. (NR) THE LEGACY OF FRIDA KAHLO At Utah Museum of Fine Art, Aug. 26, 7 p.m. (NR) ¡THREE AMIGOS! At Park City Library, Aug. 24, 7 p.m. (PG)

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! T O B O R Y N I H S G BI

2016 Amazon pilot, and carries through the new series; Peter Serafinowicz is no Patrick Warburton, but this isn’t the same Tick. We’ll get over the absence of Bat Manuel. Instead of my usual bitching about the Best “Rock” Video category (Coldplay and Fall Out Boy still in; I’m out), I’ll focus on the performers at the 2017 MTV Video Music Awards (Sunday, Aug. 27, MTV). Host Katy Perry obviously will have to show up and lip sync, but will Miley Cyrus make it after bailing on the Teen Choice Awards? The closest thing to a rock band performing this year is 30 Seconds to Mars, which reminds me: Have you seen the 2012 documentary Artifact, about the band’s battle with their record company? It’s 10 percent valuable music-biz lesson, and 90 percent Jared Leto in ridiculous hats and scarves, which I believe to be a performanceart piece within the doc. Watch that, instead. Right about now is when the Thronies start losing their shit. Game of Thrones (Season 7 finale, Sunday, Aug. 27, HBO) is closing its penultimate chapter, cue handwringing: “Why is this season only seven episodes long?!” Because that’s how many they made. “Why do we have to wait a whole year for the final season?!” Because that’s how long it’ll take to make it. “But why does Game of Thrones have to end?!” Because the show runners have to get to work on their brilliant, already-so-well-received idea for a series about a Confederate United States. “But what will I watch now?! There’s literally nothing else on!” If only there were a guide, perhaps in weekly written form, recommending good TV shows. If only. In honor of the 100th episode of Suits (Wednesday, Aug. 30, USA), this column will attempt to answer the question, “So, what the hell is Suits?” The crux of the story is that a big-deal Manhattan lawyer (Gabriel Macht) hired a young law-school dropout (Patrick J. Adams) to work in his corporate law firm/apparent modeling agency and … 99 episodes later, here we are! A whole lotta posing, hair-tossing and exclamations of “I’ll see you in court!” happened between then and now; fortunately, USA’s White Collar ceased to be a point of series confusion years ago (White Collar was about beautiful FBI agents and a rogue outsider— totally different). Happy 100th, Suits! CW

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here might be a future version of this column that will cover streaming content, and only streaming content, because that’s where we’re headed. (Some of you are already there; the Cord-Cutter Cabal constantly tells me: “But I don’t have regular TV anymore! What about meee?!”) There will be no networks, only on-demand platforms where everyone watches whatever at their own pace—could be an HBO series from three years ago, could be last week’s Bachelor in Paradise, could be the latest TMZ report on Bachelor in Paradise STI stats, who knows? Anyway: Party Boat (movie premiere, Thursday, Aug. 24) is an ’80s-riffic movie about a party boat on streamer Crackle. You’ll probably check it out in 2021. A Netflix comedy starring Kathy Bates as a marijuana shop proprietor? How could this possibly suck? Easy: It’s created and produced by the king daddy laugh-track hack himself, Chuck Lorre. Disjointed (series debut, Friday, Aug. 25, Netflix) stars Bates as a Los Angeles “weed legend” who opens her cannabis dispensary with her recently graduated son and sundry “budtenders”; lazy, outdated hippie yuks and mellow-harshing canned laughter ensue. Disjointed is no Weeds or High Maintenance—hell, it’s not even The Big Bang Theory, Lorre’s pinnacle achievement in co-opting a richly eccentric niche of society and dumbing it down for ’Merica. Bates bailed on American Horror Story for this? This column reviewed the first live-action take on cartoon hero The Tick back in 2001, an initial Fox failure that’s now a beloved cult item for legions of fans (unlike this column, the continued existence of which is usually met with “You still doing that?”). For The Tick (series debut, Friday, Aug. 25, Amazon Prime), creator Ben Edlund is back on board and determined to make it stick this time, delivering a darker and slightly more serious tone—more Christopher Nolan Batman, less Adam West Batman. The shift showed in the

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Some tweaks to Cheap Trick’s setlist—which hasn’t changed in about three years. BY RANDY HARWARD rharward@cityweekly.net

ar be it from me to tell Cheap Trick— one of the greatest bands in rock ’n’ roll history—what to do. Except that, for at least the past three years, the venerable power-pop band’s setlist has remained fairly static, according to crowdsourced data from setlist.fm. Sure, they mix things up a little from night to night, but not much— and ain’t that a shame for a band that, over the course of 44 years, has dropped 16 albums containing many more gems than their sets reflect? Given that success, you can’t begrudge Trick doing what works. But, fellas: You’re playing 15 songs per night on this tour. Some, you can’t avoid. Others are obligatory new-album plugs/proof of continued creativity. I respect all of that. It’s your show, and I’ll be happy with whatever you play. Then again, didn’t you once say that “Everything Works If You Let It?” In light of that, what do you think of this setlist? It’s not terribly different; the staples and new tracks remain, along with songs played sparingly over the year, and only two potential wild cards. Spoiler alert: Fans, if you don’t wanna know most of Saturday night’s show, stop reading now. Everybody else, take this as a primer for a band you need to know. “Hello There” (Played live 44 times in 2017): First track, second album (In Color, 1977). It opens every show, and why not? It’s the consummate opening number. (Emphasis denotes a <cough> euphemism.) “Big Eyes” (Played live 19 times in 2017): Following “Hello There” on the aforementioned album, this loopy stomper completes a most effective one-two punch. It often appears on sets as such—but occasionally split up. “Long Time Coming” (Played live 29 times in 2017): From the new album, We’re All Alright! (Big Machine, 2017). Raucous, rollicking and loud—a worthy inclusion that diminishes any notion that it’s a simple plug. “You Got It Going On” (Played live 21 times in 2017): Another corker from the new album, great for keeping the energy up before … “Mandocello” (Played live zero times in 2017) … taking things down a notch in this ballad, from Cheap Trick (Epic, 1977), Robin Zander’s falsetto entreaties convey that familiar, close-yet-far ache for a certain someone. “Oh Caroline” (Played live once in 2017): Going back to In Color—because it’s that good, and Cheap Trick has a way of articulating desire simply and accurately, whether it’s in a ballad or a louder mid-tempo number like this, which segues nicely into … “Gonna Raise Hell” (Played live two times in 2017): In 1979, when disco threatened to take over the world, bands like Kiss rolled with it. Cheap Trick used a disco beat to create their heaviest song ever. It’s timely, now, since the song is about religious/ political fanatics and warmongering. “She’s Tight” (Played live 16 times in 2017): Roy Thomas Baker produced The Cars’ first four albums, so One on One (Epic, 1982) has that familiar keyboard sound. It suits Cheap Trick on this track, which is pure lust, and a way to dissipate the previous song’s intensity.

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Left to right: Cheap Trick’s Tom Petersson, Rick Nielsen, Robin Zander and Daxx Nielsen “Reach Out” (Played live zero times in 2017): Aside from the must-play classics, there’s no better crowd-pleaser than a song that was in a popular film. But while Trick could whip out “Mighty Wings” from Top Gun, their best soundtrack appearance is this fist-pumper from the 1981 animated cult film Heavy Metal. “The Flame” (Played live 39 times in 2017): So what if the band didn’t write much of Lap of Luxury (1988), including this obligatory power ballad—which happens to be one of the most genuine and least unctuous of those moneymaker tunes? A breather before the homestretch. “I Want You to Want Me” (Played live 48 times in 2017): One of the band’s most popular tunes, it first appeared on In Color— but that version is tepid compared to the souped-up, definitive live one on the triple-platinum Cheap Trick at Budokan. “Dream Police” (Played live 48 times in 2017): The title track to their masterful 1979 album was inspired by a bad dream about mind control—so it’s another one fit to soundtrack the current world gone mad. “He’s a Whore” (Played live 11 times in 2017): Subverting expectations here with another one from Cheap Trick. It’s sneering contempt for all kinds of whoring, couched in a tale of a guy—Trick demonstrating early that they’re equality-minded—who prostitutes himself to all comers, no matter how unattractive. “Surrender” (Played live 48 times in 2017): Trick’s other biggie, this exploration of generational differences and similarities ultimately concludes, “We’re all alright!” That is to say, rebellion isn’t just for adolescents. Look out for the flying Kiss LP that the band launches during a particular line. Try to catch it—but don’t be surprised if you gotta settle for a shard of black wax. “Goodnight” (Played live 38 times in 2017): A reprise of “Hello There,” with slightly different lyrics, but one constant in the form of that euphemistic invitation to party. CW

FOREIGNER + CHEAP TRICK

w/ Jason Bonham’s Led Zeppelin Experience Saturday, Aug. 26, 7 p.m. Usana Amphitheatre 5150 S. Upper Ridge Road (6055 West) $29.95-$99.95 All ages 801-417-5343 usana-amp.com

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AUGUST 24, 2017 | 37

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LIVE

BY RANDY HARWARD & BRIAN STAKER

THURSDAY 8/24

Andrew Bird is a rare bird. Not many acts achieve his level of success with the violin as the central instrument—especially when their work is rooted in Americana, where it’s more common to refer to it by the effwerd (“fiddle”). Then again, Bird’s not easy to pigeonhole. In fact, he’s made himself a nice little nest from strands of folk (domestic and imported), jazz, classical, blues, pop, rock, electronic and pretty much anything else that strikes his fancy. He’ll wing between all of these on a single album, even single songs, drawing his bow across the strings and whistling like a real bird. His 20-year evolution from Music of Hair (self-released, 1996) through Are You Serious (Loma Vista, 2016) is fascinating, going from bare-bones acoustic to baroque electronic, instrumental to lyrical, never landing on a definitive aural branch. He’s carved out an original niche in a notoriously hostile environment, not only surviving but thriving. With his old friends The Handsome Family—singular winged creatures in their own right—as support, the birdsong’s gonna be strong in the park tonight. (Randy Harward) Pioneer Park, 350 S. 300 West, 7 p.m., $7.50 advance/$10 day of show, all ages, twilightconcerts.com

FRIDAY 8/25

Lætitia Sadier Source Ensemble, Heather Trost, Grizzly Prospector

The French band Stereolab was known for a ‘60s French jazz influence in its synthetic pop sounds that was Euro-cool without the ironic distance—one of those unique sophistications that could seemingly only happen in the ‘90s. Lætitia Sadier was the vocalist and also played a plethora of instru-

Lætitia Sadier

TANNER MORRIS

Andrew Bird, The Handsome Family, Talia Keys

ments in the ensemble, before embarking on a solo career with 2010’s The Trip (Drag City). Her newest, Finding Me Finding You (Drag City, 2017) pairs her with the Lætitia Sadier Source Ensemble, including personnel from her previous solo releases. As with Stereolab, her vocal style—and the overall atmosphere she creates—is breathy without sacrificing earthiness. It’s as if this highly individualistic singer, who previously was largely in the position of mouthing words written by others, has found her own source of inspiration and renewed creativity. (Brian Staker) Urban Lounge, 241 S. 500 East, 8 p.m., free, 21+, theurbanloungeslc.com

The Drifters

The Four Tops has seen nine members come through its lineup. The Spinners boast 17; the Coasters, 21; the Temptations, 23; the Platters, 46. The Drifters, est. 1953, have the high score. In 64 years, 64 different dudes have performed the dynamic soul/R&B quartet’s goosebumps-inducing classics, like “Under the Boardwalk,” “This Magic Moment” and “Save the Last Dance

Andrew Bird for Me.” This includes competing versions of the band under different management in different territories, often with possessive distinctions in their names, like “Bill Pinkney’s Original Drifters.” Possession being, according to armchair attorneys, nine-tenths of the law, original Drifters manager and “brand” owner George Treadwell replaced members like faulty parts, and his family continues this today. And what a difference a letter makes: Going from “band” to “brand” treats an institution like The Drifters—whose songs mean so much to so many—like a product. But the revolving doors have spun for so long that it doesn’t really matter. No matter who’s on the mics, you’re gonna hear all those incredible, illustrious songs done well. Focus on the feeling, not the faces, and tonight will still be magic. (RH) Sandy Amphitheater, 1245 E. 9400 South, 8 p.m., $12-$18, sandyarts.com/sandy-amphitheater

The Drifters

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SATURDAY 8/26

LOVELOUD Fest: Imagine Dragons, Neon Trees, Krewella, Nicholas Petricca (of Walk the Moon), Joshua James, Aja Volkman

Woot! Ya gotta love a huge LGBTQ event in Utah County—whatcha might call the state’s ultra-conservative B-hole (the B stands for bigotry). With the Provo Pride Festival and similar events, it’s almost like they’re bleaching the prejudice outta Utah’s posterior orifice—and that’s beautiful. So, even if you’re sick of hearing about Provo pop, it’s way cool that Imagine Dragons and Neon Trees—talking about the still-Mo members of both bands, because we all know Tyler Glenn’s cool—are using their platform to promote unconditional love for all. Adding their voice to the cause is pottymouthed Pakistani EDM duo Krewella, who might ruffle additional feathers with (gasp!) curse words; Walk the Moon frontdude Nicholas Petricca performing a solo set (signaling, we hope, an end to its lengthy, family-emergency induced hiatus); local-nay-national folksmith Joshua James; and Aja Volkman, who’s doing the singersongwriter thing post-Nico Vega. Even if the tickets weren’t so reasonably priced,

Walk the Moon’s Nicholas Petricca

it’d be worth paying more just to ensure the Loveloud’s message gets even louder. (RH) Brent Brown Ballpark, 970 W. University Parkway, Orem, 5:30 p.m., $25-$200, all ages, smithstix.com

Bleached, Dream Slut

Every once in a while, everything comes back around to where it started: San Fernando Valley band Bleached revives the early ’80s SoCal pop-punk sound. Sisters Jennifer and Jessica Clavin were born in the ’80s, and something of the period seems embedded in their very DNA. The band’s latest EP, Can You Deal? (Dead Oceans, 2017), is a reaction against being labeled a “girl punk” band. But there’s more than just attitude here; last year’s sophomore fulllength Welcome the Worms (Dead Oceans) charted the path of leaving an abusive relationship, through alcohol and drug abuse and beyond, as a course of self-discovery— and it rocks. Bleached is clearly a musical force to be dealt with. Local openers Dream Slut (be careful if you Google that) bills itself as “drama queen punk” and they were a bitchin’ opener for The Damned last April. (BS) Kilby Court, 741 S. 330 West, 7 p.m., $12-$14, all ages, kilbycourt.com

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Grits Green, Big Blue Ox and SuperBubble Present: The Big Fat Nasty

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FRIDAY 8/25

CONCERTS & CLUBS

The other day, SuperBubble frontguy Brandon “B.” Barker (aka Simply B.) popped up on Facebook Messenger. “Yo, buddy! Just so you know, this show’s gonna be the funkiest,” he said, linking to this gig. As you can see from the bill, he’s not kiddin’. Hip-hop group Grits Green (pictured), acid-jazz/afrobeat/funk outfit Big Blue Ox and jam/jazz/loop group SuperBubble all genuflect at the altar of The One, where funk music is God and the Golden Rule is to produce big, fat nasty grooves for the people. The impetus for the occasion? All three acts dropped EPs this summer, and that’s about all the excuse they need for a party like this—but they don’t even need that. Grits, who released Water (gritsgreen.com) in June, is a rare hip-hop band, where live instrumentation matters as much as their rhymes. Legend has it that Big Blue Ox exists only for the stage, where their muscly musical jaunts live and breathe—except when they’ve been captured for posterity on Big Blue Ox (bigblueox.bandcamp.com). SuperBubble is like-minded, starting with more traditional, structured songs as heard on their self-titled debut (superbubble.bandcamp.com), then turning them into ephemeral beings, like great orbs of soap and water that pop in and out of existence. So B.’s appraisal of the show, meta as it might be, is accurate. All three of these acts together under one roof, on the same stage, is gonna be so funky, it’s frightening. (Randy Harward) The State Room, 638 S. State, 9 p.m., $10, 21+, thestateroomslc.com

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THURSDAY 8/24 LIVE MUSIC

The Artifacts + Bukue One (Metro Music Hall) Three Bad Jacks + Los Yayas (Funk ‘n’ Dive) Changing Lanes (The Gallivan Center) Joan Osborne (Egyptian Theatre) Kaleb Austin (The Westerner) Kevin Morby + Shannon Lay (The State Room) New Breed Brass Band (Newpark Amphitheater) Pickwick + Cataldo + Crook and the Bluff (Urban Lounge) Proper Way (Hog Wallow Pub) Reggae Thursday (The Royal) Transcend the Realm + Casket Raider + Rue The Day + Chronic Trigger + Ravenmind (The Loading Dock) Twilight Concert Series feat. Andrew Bird + The Handsome Family + Talia Keys (Pioneer Park) see p. 38

KARAOKE

Cowboy Karaoke (The Cabin) Karaoke with DJ Benji (A Bar Named Sue) Karaoke (Willie’s Lounge) Live Band Karaoke (Club 90)

FRIDAY 8/25 LIVE MUSIC

KARAOKE

Karaoke (Cheers to You SLC) Karaoke (Willie’s Lounge)

SATURDAY, AUGUST 26

MORGAN WHITNEY 9:00PM | NO COVER SUNDAYS • THURSDAYS • SATURDAYS

WASATCH POKER TOUR @ 8PM BONUS: SAT @ 2PM S U N DAYS • M O N DAYS

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SATURDAY 8/26

TUESDAYS

LIVE MUSIC

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AUGUST 24, 2017 | 43

BAD BOY BRIAN

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Après Ski (The Cabin) Attack of the Ninjas (The Complex) BobbyrocK + Riding Gravity (The Ice Haüs) Bonanza Town (Park City Mountain Canyons Village Stage) Big Blue Ox (Hog Wallow Pub) Blaze + The Roc + AMB + Scum (The Complex) Bleached + Dream Slut (Kilby Court) see p. 40 Cameron Mercer (Miner’s Plaza) The Chad Ellis Band (Outlaw Saloon) Dave Hahn (The Aerie Lounge) Eclipse 6 (Sandy Amphitheater) Five For Fighting (Deer Valley Resort Snow Park Amphitheater) Foreigner + Cheap Trick + Jason Bonham’s Led Zeppelin Experience (USANA Amphitheatre) see p. 36 Joan Osborne (Egyptian Theatre) Joy Spring Band (Sugar House Coffee)

Afton Shows (The Complex) Après Ski (The Cabin) BobbyrocK + Hotel Le Motel + Rougarou (Funk ‘n’ Dive) The Chad Ellis Band (Outlaw Saloon) Coastlands + I Hear Riots (Brewskis) Cover Dogs (The Spur) Crystal Bright (Prohibition) The Drifters (Sandy Amphitheater) see p. 38 Grits Green + Big Blue Ox + SuperBubble (The State Room) see p. 42 Highball Train (Piper Down Pub) Jason Richardson & Luke Holland + The Reign of Kindo + Stollas (The Loading Dock) Joan Osborne (Egyptian Theatre) Kaleb Austin (The Westerner)

All-Request Gothic + Industrial + EBM + and Dark Wave w/ DJ Vision (Area 51) Brisk (Downstairs) Chaseone2 (Twist) DJ Juggy (Bourbon House) Dueling Pianos feat. Troy & Jules (Tavernacle) Friday Night Fun (All-Request Dance) w/ DJ Twitch (Area 51) Funkin’ Friday w/ DJ Rude Boy & Bad Boy Brian (Johnny’s on Second) Hot Noise (The Red Door)

4 SA HBOETE &R

DJ Juggy (Bourbon House) Dueling Pianos (The Spur) Dueling Pianos: South & JD (Tavernacle) Hot Noise + Guest DJ (The Red Door) Jazz Jam Session (Sugar House Coffee) Jazz Joint Thursday (Garage on Beck) The New Wave (‘80s Night) (Area 51) Therapy Thursdays feat. Henry Fong + Bad Royal (Sky)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE

HOME OF THE

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DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE

Laetitia Sadier Source Ensemble + Heather Trost + Grizzly Prospector (Urban Lounge) see p. 38 Lake Effect (Hog Wallow Pub) Larusso + Ghost of a Giant + The Signal Sound + Justin Sane (Metro Music Hall) Live Local Music (A Bar Named Sue) Live Music on the Plaza Deck (Snowbird) Morgan Whitney & The Gold + Melody & The Breakups (The Ice Haüs) Night Marcher (Alleged) Pixie & The Party Grass Boys (Garage on Beck) The Pour (The Cabin) Quiet Oaks + Andrew Goldring + Doctor Barber (Kilby Court) Three Bad Jacks + Hurricane Kings (ABG’s) Timeless (Club 90) Whistling Rufus (Sugar House Coffee)

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44 | AUGUST 24, 2017

EVERY DAY

BAR FLY

ENRIQUE LIMÓN

Nachos and Beer at Good Grammar

King Strang and the Stranglers (Pioneer Park) The Long Run (O.P. Rockwell) Los Hellcaminos (The Spur) LOVELOUD Fest: Imagine Dragons + Neon Trees + Krewella + Nicholas Petricca (of Walk the Moon) + Joshua James + Aja Volkman (Brent Brown Ballpark) see p. 40 Live Local Music (A Bar Named Sue) Live Music on the Plaza Deck (Snowbird) Live Trio (The Red Door) Mary Beth (Miner’s Plaza) Morgan Whitney (Johnny’s on Second) Murphy and the Giant (Piper Down Pub) Noise Pollution (Metro Music Hall) Sin City Soul (The Cabin) Spazmatics (Liquid Joe’s) Three Bad Jacks (Garage on Beck) Timeless (Club 90) Trash Bash + Flash & Flare (Urban Lounge)

Will Baxter Duo (Park City Mountain PayDay Pad) Zion Riot (Brewskis)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE Dueling Pianos feat. Troy, South, & Jules (Tavernacle) DJ Handsome Hands (Bourbon House) DJ Latu (The Green Pig) DJ Scooter (Downstairs) DJ Sneeky Long (Twist)

KARAOKE

Karaoke (Willie’s Lounge) Karaoke w/ B-RAD (Club 90)

SUNDAY 8/27 LIVE MUSIC

Après Ski (The Cabin) Lash LaRue (Quarry Village) Live Bluegrass (Club 90) Live Music on the Plaza Deck (Snowbird)

THURS 8.24 • PICKWICK CATALDO, CROOK & THE BLUFF

FRI 8.25• LAETITIA SADIER SOURCE ENSEMBLE HEATHER TROST GRIZZLY PROSPECTOR

Does you has good grammers? I would of never thought I would find a bar who’s target client-tell is mostly English teachers and grammar Nazi’s. But hence far, no body has tryed to tell me I talk wrong. Isn’t that ironic and whatnot like no other? Seriously, you won’t be assaulted for your syntax shortcomings or malapropisms at Good Grammar, a “Speak E-Z and bar” located behind the Gallivan Center. You’re more likely to get into arguments trying to identify the famous faces on the pop-art-adorned walls. You might also battle your inner self trying to choose from the eclectic selection of craft beers (try the Anderson Valley Blood Orange Göse or Proper Salted Caramel Porter) and cocktails. Whatever you choose to imbibe, use it to wash down some of GG’s artisan grub, like the carnitas nachos—a pile of chips, house beer cheese, Mexican crema, red onion, chives, cilantro, fresh jalapeños and pickled onions. (The jalapeños are a nice touch if you’re capsaicin-sensitive— they’re easy to remove, with no stealthy juice to induce a pre-dawn gastropocalypse). In the afternoon and evenings, it’s a nice place to shoot the breeze over drinks. At night, you might catch a local DJ, like Sneeky Long or Finale Grand—or even events like Critical Beatdown, an open mic night for DJ/ producers. And literally nobody will tell you, “Your stupid.” (Randy Harward) Good Grammar, 69 E. Gallivan Ave., 21+, goodgrammar.bar

Nathan Spenser (Garage on Beck) Patrick Ryan (The Spur) Rage Against the Supremes + Teresa Eggertsen Cooke + Silver Strike + The Twin Flames (Park Silly Sunday Market)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE Dueling Pianos (The Spur Bar and Grill) DJ Curtis Strange (Willie’s Lounge) Open Blues Jam (The Green Pig) Red Cup Event w/ DJ Juggy (Downstairs)

KARAOKE

Karaoke (Tavernacle) Karaoke w/ DJ Benji (A Bar Named Sue) Karaoke Church w/ DJ Ducky (Club Jam)

MONDAY 8/28 LIVE MUSIC

Amanda Johnson (The Spur)

Guilty Scapegoat + Radiation Station + 8six + Hoppy + Jacob Beck + Kaili Sudweeks + Raul Villanueva (The Loading Dock) The Head + Beachmen + Clocktower (Diabolical Records) Kevyn Dern (The Aerie Lounge) Springtime Carnivore + Goldmyth + Aubrey Auclair (Kilby Court)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE Monday Night Open Jazz Session w/ David Halliday & the JVQ (Gracie’s) Open Blues Jam (The Green Pig) Open Blues Jam hosted by Robby’s Blues Explosion (Hog Wallow Pub Pub) Open Mic (The Cabin)

KARAOKE

Karaoke (Poplar Street Pub) Karaoke Bingo (Tavernacle) Karaoke with DJ Benji (A Bar Named Sue)

THURS 8.24 • THE ARTIFACTS 9/3: CRUCIALFEST AFTER DARK W/ WEEDEATER 9/5: THE NODS 9/6: WILLIAM CLARK GREEN 9/7: FEHRPLAY 9/8: DUBWISE 9/9: RISK!

BUKUE ONE, D STRONG, OCELOT, DJ ENEE ONE, DJ INTIMIN8

FRI 8.25 • LARUSSO

GHOST OF A GIANT, THE SIGNAL SOUND, BRICKSON

SAT 8.26• FREE KITTENS COMEDY SHOW SUN 8.26 • TRASH BASH W/ DJ FLASH & FLARE THUR 8.31 • CRUCIALFEST AFTER DARK W/ EARTHLESS

SAT 8.26 • NOISE POLLUTION - AC/DC TRIBUTE WED 8.30 • TWILLO

FRI 9.1 • CRUCIALFEST AFTER DARK W/ LOOM

CONQUER MONSTER, CIVIL LUST, AUDIOTREATS, MARTIAN CULT

SAT 9.2 • CRUCIALFEST AFTER DARK W/ WOVENHAND

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AUGUST 24, 2017 | 45

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COMPLETE LISTINGS ONLINE AT CITYWEEKLY.NET

TUESDAY 8/29 LIVE MUSIC

GABI + TruTweet + Besando + Baby Pink (Kilby Court) Josaleigh Pollett (Piper Down Pub) Kuttl3ss + DJ Radkill + Dak + Lil Lostboi (The Loading Dock) Mokie (O.P. Rockwell) Scott Foster (The Spur) Talia Keys (The Aerie Lounge)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE

Cabin Fever & Miss DJ Lux (The Cabin) Open Jazz Jam (Bourbon House) Open Mic (The Wall at BYU)

KARAOKE

Karaoke (Tavernacle) Karaoke w/ DJ Thom (A Bar Named Sue) Karaoke That Doesn’t Suck (Twist) Karaoke w/ Zim Zam Ent. (Club 90)

WEDNESDAY 8/30 LIVE MUSIC

Alicia Stockman (The Spur) Decapitated + Thy Art Is Murder + Fallujah + Ghost Bath (The Complex)

Jeremy Pinnell (Hog Wallow Pub Pub) JT Draper (Twist) Lady Antebellum + Kelsea Ballerini + Brett Young (USANA Amphitheatre) Live Jazz (Club 90) Ronnie Baker Brooks + TBD (The State Room) Silver Snakes + Visitors + Sleeping Tigers + The Archives (Club X) The Wicked Notions + Twillo (Metro Music Hall) The Vandigue + Eminent Sol + Ezra + Okokko (Kilby Court)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE DJ Birdman (Twist) Dueling Pianos (Tavernacle) Open Mic (Velour) Temple (Gothic and Industrial) w/ DJ Mistress Nancy (Area 51)

KARAOKE

Areaoke w/ KJ Ruby (Area 51) Karaoke w/ B-RAD (Club 90) Karaoke (The Wall at BYU) Karaoke w/ Spotlight Entertainment (Johnny’s on Second) Superstar Karaoke w/ DJ Ducky (Club Jam)

To Inspire & Motivate

You have a “SAE” with whatever challenge you face. You are not alone!

46 | AUGUST 24, 2017

| CITY WEEKLY |

CONCERTS & CLUBS

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48 | AUGUST 24, 2017

| CITY WEEKLY |

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Tim & Tonya Griffin

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saturday, august 26

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AUGUST 24, 2017 | 49

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50 | AUGUST 24, 2017

THE UTAH BEER FESTIVAL WANTS TO

THANK YOU! the breweries

2 Row Brewing Anchor Brewing Angry Orchard Ballast Point Blue Moon Brewing Company Bohemian boneyard’s bloody brews Bonneville Brewing Boulevard Brewing Deschutes Brewery Desert Edge Epic Brewing Fisher Beer Green Flash Henry’s Hard Soda Hoppers Grill and Brewing

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and the sponsors

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CHECK OUT ALL OF OUR UPCOMING EVENTS AT CITYWEEKLY.NET/EVENTS

8.19-20 UTAH BEER FESTIVAL @ UTAH STATE FAIR PARK

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UPCOMING EVENTS DOORS AT 12:30PM, SHOW AT 2:00PM

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AUGUST 31, 2017

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AUGUST 24, 2017 | 51

TWILIGHT CONCERT SERIES: THE ROOTS

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AUGUST 26, 2017

VIVA LA DIVA

ONLY CHILD

BY DAVID LEVINSON WILK

ACROSS

1. Number of giorni in a week 2. Waters who sang “Am I Blue?” 3. Hurts badly 4. “You’re looking at your guy!” 5. “Porgy and ____” 6. Year in Elizabeth I’s reign 7. Foreign correspondents? 8. Shade provider 9. Targets of salicylic acid 10. New Balance competitor

52. “Is anybody listening ...?” 53. “Me, too” 55. Cleveland’s lake 56. Cell suffix 57. March Madness org. 58. Something that’s charged 59. Michele of “Glee” 61. Sulu and Uhura on “Star Trek”: Abbr.

Last week’s answers

No math is involved. The grid has numbers, but nothing has to add up to anything else. Solve the puzzle with reasoning and logic. Solving time is typically 10 to 30 minutes, depending on your skill and experience.

DOWN

11. Traditional Easter entree 12. “Bald-faced” thing 13. Golfer Ernie 18. What many writers write on 22. Locket, often 24. Gear teeth 26. Chicago Bears coaching legend Mike 27. Old New Yorker cartoonist William 29. Diva’s solo 30. What your blood may do when you’re frightened 31. Part of a modern police database 32. Diane with a camera 33. Negro Leagues legend Satchel 34. Conservatives, politically 37. “Twist, Lick, Dunk” cookie 39. Texting format, for short 40. One getting framed 42. Turndown to the suggestion “We should ...” 46. Bribery of a sort 47. Bear of children’s lit 49. Stage direction 51. Total messes

Complete the grid so that each row, column, diagonal and 3x3 square contain all of the numbers 1 to 9.

1. Half a school yr. 4. Landmark tech product of 1981 9. 2008 Pixar robot 14. When a plane is due in, for short 15. Jason’s wife in mythology 16. Be of use 17. TV slogan famously voiced by James Earl Jones 19. Country music’s LeAnn 20. Dangles a carrot in front of 21. Beer can feature 23. Otherwise 24. Bullfighters wave them 25. Byways: Abbr. 28. Wife of John Jr. 31. “Stop procrastinating!” 32. Mo. when Earth Day is celebrated 35. Persians, e.g. 36. Visit a bloodmobile, e.g. 38. Oatmeal topping 40. Engage in an extreme winter sport 41. Golden Arches buy 42. Word with exit or express 43. Laser ____ 44. Oral grimaces 45. Like some tour buses 48. Collected works 49. Send over the moon 50. Worker protection org. 54. “Deliciously Different” sloganeer 56. Hundreds 58. Bat one’s eyelashes, say 60. Person unrepresented by the words featured in this puzzle’s circled letters 62. Counting rhyme start 63. 1970 Led Zeppelin hit “Whole ____ Love” 64. Jeff Lynne’s band, for short 65. More than willing 66. Discombobulated 67. “... or ____ gather”

SUDOKU

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52 | AUGUST 24, 2017

CROSSWORD PUZZLE

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY B Y R O B

B R E Z S N Y

Go to realastrology.com for Rob Brezsny’s expanded weekly audio horoscopes and daily text-message horoscopes. Audio horoscopes also available by phone at 877-873-4888 or 900-950-7700.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) What I wish for you is a toasty coolness. I pray that you will claim a messy gift. I want you to experience an empowering surrender and a calming climax. I very much hope, Virgo, that you will finally see an obvious secret and capitalize on some unruly wisdom and take an epic trip to an intimate turning point. I trust that you’ll find a barrier that draws people together instead of keeping them apart. These wonders might sound paradoxical, and yet they’re quite possible and exactly what you need.

garden, a well of living waters”? In my opinion, it wouldn’t even be too extreme for you to murmur, “May I find the scent of your breath like apricots, and your whispers like spiced wine flowing smoothly to welcome my caresses.” If those sentiments seem too flowery, you could pluck gems from Pablo Neruda’s love sonnets. How about this one: “I want to do with you what spring does to the cherry trees.” Here’s another: “I hunger for your sleek laugh and your hands the color of a furious harvest. I want to eat the sunbeams flaring in your beauty.”

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) Psychologist James Hansell stated his opinion of psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud: “He was wrong about so many things. But he was wrong in such interesting ways. He pioneered a whole new way of looking at things.” That description should provide good raw material for you to consider as you play with your approach to life in the coming weeks, Libra. Being right won’t be half as important as being willing to gaze at the world from upside-down, inside-out perspectives. So I urge you to put the emphasis on formulating experimental hypotheses, not on proving definitive theories. Be willing to ask naive questions and make educated guesses and escape your own certainties.

ARIES (March 21-April 19) Welcome to Swami Moonflower’s Psychic Hygiene Hints. Ready for some mystical cleansing? Hint No. 1: To remove stains on your attitude, use a blend of chardonnay wine, tears from a cathartic crying session and dew collected before dawn. Hint No. 2: To eliminate glitches in your love life, polish your erogenous zones with pomegranate juice while you visualize the goddess kissing your cheek. No. 3: To get rid of splotches on your halo, place angel food cake on your head for two minutes, then bury the cake in holy ground while chanting, “It’s not my fault! My evil twin’s a jerk!” No. 4: To banish the imaginary monkey on your back, whip your shoulders with a long silk ribbon until the monkey runs away. No. 5: To purge negative money karma, burn a dollar bill in the flame of a green candle.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) You’re entering a phase of your astrological cycle when you’ll be likely to receive gifts at a higher rate than usual. Some gifts could be big, complex and catalytic, though others might be subtle, cryptic or even covert. While some might be useful, others could be problematic. So I want to make sure you know how important it is to be discerning about these offerings. You probably shouldn’t blindly accept all of them. For instance, don’t rashly accept a “blessing” that would indebt or obligate you to someone in ways that feel uncomfortable.

AUGUST 24, 2017 | 53

CANCER (June 21-July 22) One of my favorite Cancerian artists is Penny Arcade, a New York performance artist, actress and playwright. In this horoscope, I offer a testimonial in which she articulates the spirit you’d be wise to cultivate in the coming weeks. She says, “I am the person I know best, inside out, the one who best understands my motivations, my struggles, my triumphs. Despite AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Stockbrokers in Pakistan grew desperate when the Karachi Stock occasionally betraying my best interests to keep the peace, to Exchange went into a tailspin. In an effort to reverse the negative achieve goals or for the sake of beloved friendships, I astound trend, they performed a ritual sacrifice of 10 goats in a parking lot. myself by my appetite for life, my unwavering curiosity into the But their “magic” failed. Stocks continued to fade. Much later human condition, my distrust of the status quo, my poetic soul they recovered, but not in a timely manner that would suggest the and abiding love of beauty, my strength of character in the face sacrifice worked. I urge you to avoid their approach to fixing prob- of unfairness and my optimism despite defeats and loss.” lems, especially now. Reliance on superstition and wishful thinking is guaranteed to keep you stuck. On the other hand, I’m happy to LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) inform you that the coming weeks will be a highly favorable time The Witwatersrand is a series of cliffs in South Africa. It encomto use disciplined research and rigorous logic to solve dilemmas. passes 217 square-miles. From this area, which is a tiny fraction of the Earth’s total land surface, humans have extracted 50 percent of all the gold ever mined. I regard this fact as an apt PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) In the coming days, maybe you could work some lines from the metaphor for you to meditate on in the next year, Leo. If you’re biblical “Song of Solomon” into your intimate exchanges. The alert, you will find your soul’s equivalent of Witwatersrand—a moment is ripe for such extravagance. Can you imagine saying golden opportunity to discover emotional and spiritual riches things like, “Your lips are honey,” or “You are a fountain in the that will nurture your soul as it has rarely been nurtured.

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CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) I invite you to eliminate all of the following activities from your repertoire in the next three weeks: squabbling, hassling, feuding, confronting, scuffling, skirmishing, sparring and brawling. Why is this my main message to you? Because the astrological omens tell me that everything important you need to accomplish will come from waging an intense crusade of peace, love and understanding. The bickering and grappling stuff won’t help you achieve success even a little—and would probably undermine it.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20) The coming weeks will be an excellent time to cruise past the houses where you grew up, the schools you used to attend, the hotspots where you and your old friends hung out, and the places where you first worked and had sex. In fact, I recommend a grand tour of your past. If you can’t literally visit the locations where you came of age, simply visualize them in detail. In your imagination, take a leisurely excursion through your life story. Why do I advise this exercise? Because you can help activate your future potentials by reconnecting with your roots.

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SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) You are currently under the influence of astrological conditions that have led to dramatic boosts of self-esteem in laboratory rats. To test the theory that this experimental evidence can be applied to humans, I authorize you to act like a charismatic egomaniac in the coming weeks. Just kidding! I lied about the lab rats. And I lied about you having the authorization to act like an egomaniac. But here are the true facts: The astrological omens suggest you can and should be a lyrical swaggerer and a sensitive swashbuckler.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20) A reader named Kameel Hawa writes that he “prefers pleasure to leisure and leisure to luxury.” That list of priorities would be excellent for you to adopt during the coming weeks. My analysis of the astrological omens suggests that you will be the recipient of extra amounts of permission, relief, approval and ease. I won’t be surprised if you come into possession of a fresh X-factor or wild card. In my opinion, to seek luxury would be a banal waste of such precious blessings. You’ll get more healthgiving benefits that will last longer if you cultivate simple enjoyments and restorative tranquility.

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Burning Beetles

By the time you read this, my ears will be full of yellowish alkaline playa dust from Burning Man in the Black Rock Desert of northern Nevada. My wife and I volunteer there each year at something known as the Temple. The “Man” of Burning Man might be the heart of the event, but the Temple is the soul. The Man burns on the Saturday before Labor Day each year—it’s a huge party. Half of the attendees leave the next day, but that Sunday night is when our Temple burns. It’s a more solemn event. You see, we bring mementos and ashes of our loved ones to release them to the sky. Thousands of Burners come and sit or walk the Temple and look at the messages, poems and personal items left behind. It’s a place of refuge, cleansing and healing. But, like all other Burning Man events, we will leave without a trace. The Temple, the Man and the dozens of art installations are brought to the playa for the largest festival of its kind in the world. Trying to explain it would be like trying to describe the color blue. Dozens of countries and virtually every U.S. state have spinoffs each year, but the mothership of all events appears and disappears 90 miles north of Reno. Some of the art is burned, some is sold and displayed permanently around the world, and some returns another year in a different form. Each year comes with a theme (this year’s is “Radical Ritual”), which is also reflected by the Man and the Temple. This time around, the Temple is a bit more special because the lumber is coming from an unusual and unexpected place. Millions of our forests’ trees are dead or dying because of an infestation of bark beetles brought on by “human interruption of forest-fire cycles and climate change,” reads an extensive and informative page on temple2017.org. “They actually pose a real threat as they become kindling in a forest fire.” A Bay Area sawmill has provided barkbeetle timber for the Temple to be built (as always) on site—a project led by Structural Engineer Mark Sinclair. Bark beetle damage can be seen all over Utah. Our largest fire to date in 2017 raged through beetle-damaged forests in Southern Utah. At Bonneville Golf Course, you can count at least 30 dead pines, and the same goes for the area surrounding the course in Rose Park. They’ve yet to be cut down, and the evil beetles are spreading. n

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Poets Corner

Nearing dawn, eyes still red and opened, mouth closed with unspoken thoughts and dry, And a buzzing mind swarming with weary thoughts of the day ahead.

Tomorrow’s never ending tasks, A unknown path into the future, Meeting society’s expectations the next, And unsettling feelings kept hidden. Only I can answer. Insomniac, This is the 3am me.

Angie Kung Send your poem (max 15 lines), to: Poet’s Corner, City Weekly, 248 South Main Street, SLC, UT 84101or e-mail to poetscorner@cityweekly.net.

Published entrants receive a $15 value gift from CW. Each entry must include name and mailing address.

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Inexplicable The Adair family of Deerfield Beach, Fla., were startled awake on July 15 by the sound of something meaty crashing onto their roof. When they investigated, they found two packages of Italian pork sausage in the side yard, and three more packages still on the roof. The sausages were in bags marked with the name of a land-clearing company in Alabama. Austin Adair called the company to inquire about the wayward sausages, but “the guy had no idea what I was talking about and probably thought I was crazy,” he said, and the mystery remains unsolved. “I would love to know what really happened,” Jennie Adair added, “because it’s just so, so odd.”

WEIRD

The Naked Truth Summers are hot in Lawrence, Kan., and Christopher Steven Carlson, 34, of Riley took advantage of the warm temperatures on July 30 to stroll down a sidewalk in the busy college town in his birthday suit—twice. Police first arrested Carlson around 2 p.m. in downtown Lawrence for indecent exposure, after which he paid his $500 fine and was released. He caught a taxi from the Douglas County Jail back to the downtown area, where he stiffed the driver, left his clothes in the car and resumed his in-the-buff constitutional. Local business owner Meg Heriford said: “Our customers were not alarmed. It was more like, ‘Hey, there’s a naked guy.’” n Nakedness does leave one a bit vulnerable, as Travis Tingler, 32, found out on July 16 as he stood unclothed outside his girlfriend’s house in Manitowoc, Wis., shouting and threatening to hurt the people inside. When police arrived, they tried and failed to get Tingler back into his pants, so they handcuffed him. As they struggled to put him in the police car, Tingler picked up a lighter off the ground, and a probe from an officer’s stun gun struck the lighter, igniting Tingler’s chest and beard hairs. An officer was able to pat the fire out.

The Perfect Name Weedville, Pa., more than lived up to its name on July 31 when the North Central Municipal Drug Task Force busted Tiffany R. Potts, 23, and James Michael Dunshie, 30, at their home. The

The Job of the Researcher Sexing certain species of turtles used to be an invasive process, sometimes requiring surgery on the little guy or gal. But Donald McKnight, a Ph.D. student at James Cook University in Queensland, Australia, has perfected a method that speeds up the process—and presumably pleases the shelled reptile. McKnight uses a vibrator to stimulate the underside of the turtle, which causes a male to “reveal himself,” sometimes in as little as four seconds. McKnight did his research in Oklahoma on threatened western chicken turtles. Readers’ Choice Dilworth, Minn., police officer Brad Browning suffered a bout of bad luck on Aug. 2 after he pulled over a car with a burnedout headlight. The driver, Stephen Hietala, 27, of Perham, had a warrant out for his arrest. When officers tried to handcuff Hietala, he resisted, prompting one officer to fire his Taser, which missed Heitala and hit Officer Browning instead. Hietala took off running, with Browning chasing on foot. Soon a sheriff’s deputy arrived with a police dog, but as Browning cornered Hietala in an alley, the dog bit Browning instead of the criminal. Officers finally arrested Hietala for fleeing a police officer and drug possession.

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Broker/Owner 801-201-8824 babs@urbanutah.com www.urbanutah.com

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Awesome! Two Subway sandwich shop workers in Coventry, R.I., frustrated a potential robber on July 25 by acting like teenagers— ignoring his demands for money until he finally gave up and left the store. Police told a local news station that the robber, caught on security cameras, looked “exasperated” and “mumbled something under his breath as he walked out of the business.”

It’s Important to Have Goals When federal agents turned up in May 2016 with a search warrant at the Miami home of 19-year-old Phyllistone Termine, they interrupted the teenager as he crafted a summer fraud to-do list. Items on the list included buying credit card numbers and security codes on the “dark web.” Between March 2015 and his arrest, Termine had used stolen Social Security numbers from more than 1,000 victims to collect unemployment benefits in excess of $1 million. Next to his bed were blank white credit cards with magnetic strips and equipment to encode them. In July, Termine was sentenced to four-and-a-half years in federal prison, where his organizational skills might be put to some more legal purpose. Send your weird news items to weirdnewstips@amuniversal.com

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Bright Idea In Munich, Germany, Benjamin David has found a unique way to drown his commuting sorrows. He swims to work. “When I was on my bike, I would yell at cars,” David said. “When I was on foot, I would yell at cyclists. … Just a few metres to the side of [the road] is the river, and if you just swim down that, it’s completely relaxed and refreshing.” David stores his work clothes, laptop and mobile phone in a waterproof bag, and the river’s current sometimes allows him to float along his 1.2-mile route and enjoy the scenery—including bystanders on bridges.

Oops! A Hartford City, Ind., man was outed to police by a tattoo on the back of his neck as he tried to use an alias on July 28. The incident started when James Jason Buck, 33, pounded on the door of a Muncie home, demanding a drink, and homeowners called the police. At first, the man said he was Robert Dill, 37, of Florida. But when an officer noticed his tattoo, “Buck,” and called him Mr. Buck, he confessed his real name and date of birth. Mr. Buck also had a plastic bag with crystal methamphetamine, and, officers discovered, a rather long rap sheet.

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Ironies In Green Bay, Wis., the Spartans of Vincent T. Lombardi Middle School won’t be playing football this year because of a lack of coaches. Jim Van Abel, the principal of the school named after the revered coach of the Green Bay Packers, told parents in a letter that the district had been advertising for coaching positions since April, to no avail. Student Alex Coniff said last year about 55 students played on the school’s two football teams. (Interestingly, the district was also unable to provide a representative to be interviewed for the story.)

Hippies

pair were caught with heroin, methamphetamines, hallucinogenic mushrooms, firearms and drug paraphernalia—but, apparently, no weed.

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The Continuing Crisis Out of eight candidates for Detroit mayor in the Aug. 8 primary, half were convicted felons, The Detroit News reported. Three women and one man have convictions including gun crimes and assault with intent to commit murder. “Black marks on your record show you have lived a little and have overcome some challenges,” political consultant Greg Bowens opined. Michigan law allows convicted felons to vote and run for office unless they are currently incarcerated, or if their offenses are fraud-related or constitute a breach of public trust. None of the felons advanced to the general election.

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n Nudity, like everything else, is more fun when you can share it with friends. Or so it appeared to drivers along route A66 in Workington, Cumbria, in England, who spied four “shamefaced” men walking along the road wearing nothing but sneakers on July 30. The four “protected their modesty with cupped hands” and appeared to be walking quickly, according to Kathryn Lynn, 50, who drove by with her husband and daughter and snapped a photo of the odd group. “It was a bit of a shock to see,” she said.

BY T HE EDITO R S AT A ND RE WS M C MEEL

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