City Weekly December 14, 2017

C I T Y W E E K LY. N E T D E C E M B E R 1 4 , 2 0 1 7 | V O L . 3 4 N 0 . 2 9

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CWCONTENTS COVER STORY

SO, NOW WHAT?

Trump and Zinke painted Bears Ears Nat’l Monument as a bureaucratic land grab.

They were wrong.

Cover photo by Steven Vargo stevenvargo.com

13

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4 LETTERS 6 OPINION 8 NEWS 19 A&E 23 DINE 29 CINEMA 32 MUSIC 45 COMMUNITY

STEVEN VARGO

Cover story photography Vargo earns the title “intrepid photographer’ thanks to his work in this issue. Shooting professionally since 2004, the New Jersey native says the best part about his visit to Bears Ears was “having coffee with a Native medicine man, and exploring the ancient ruins.”

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Dairy cows? Ever see a dairy cow roaming out on the plains?

ROBINETTE BENTON Via Facebook

Cliven Bundy and his crime family are in excellent company with the criminals Joseph Smith and Brigham Young. Cattle need to eat just like all other living organisms and Bundy feeds his cattle for free when other corporations, companies, ranchers, and individuals pay for the food [his] cattle eat. Bundy wants to feed his cows for free so that he can make a greater profit. …

KLAUS SCHIFFLER Via cityweekly.net

Yes, Cliven’s trespass cattle need to go. Is that what you’re saying? At present, the government is only asking $1.2 million, or thereabouts. If Cliven were willing to negotiate, he could probably drop that by half or more.

The point is, Cliven is not willing to negotiate. His head is full of all kinds of bullbleep about natural law, etc. It never occurs to him that the reason the feds own so much land is that: a) The federal government acquired that land by expending blood and treasure in the Mexican American War and b) The reason most of it didn’t go into private ownership is that there was so little water.

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L. PANC ASHASH Via cityweekly.net

Cliven Bundy is terrorist twat.

JACEN BEWER Via cityweekly.net

4 | DECEMBER 14, 2017

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Cover story, Nov. 23, “Zion, Militias and Public Lands”

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COMMENTS@CITYWEEKLY.NET

JOHN COOK Via Facebook

The Bundy family has owned both water rights and grazing rights since the late 1800s. If there were any link to the Federal Land Policy and Management Act of 1976 that would have justified the imposition of grazing fees in the first place, it would have still been a contradiction to Article IV. The federal government and/or BLM have clearly acted arbitrarily and will hopefully be sued into extinction. They are taxing without representation, have utterly failed with providing the very basics of Article IV and are skating on thin ice with the ongoing negligence to fulfill their constitutional duties.

Bundy is persona non grata in Oregon, and next time around [he’ll] be shot on site before taking over a refuge for his own agenda and leaving it trashed.

MICHAEL JAMES STONE Via Facebook

From the 1998 removal order of trespass cattle, each cow left after the 45 day grace period would incur a $200 per day trespass fee. The highest count of Bundy cattle (158 original permitted part-time) was 947 x $200 = $191,400 per day trespass fee. It would only take five days to reach the seven

figure realm. Over the 19 years since that initial ruling, the trespass fees could surpass $1B. The issue is Cliven originally had 158 permitted cows in the Bunkerville allotment. He had those revoked by noncompliance. Now you have almost 1,000 cattle trespassing in areas he never had any contractual, natural, prescriptive or permitted rights to.

STEVE MAXFIELD Via cityweekly.net

New rule: Can’t use the constitution of a government you refuse to acknowledge as a defense.

CORBAN ANDERSON Via Facebook

City Weekly printed the best article on

Cliven Bundy yet, but I have something to add to understanding him, and shocking revelations about the media when I tried to do so. I am a retired female attorney living in Salt Lake City. I was raised Mormon from my parents’ conversion in Idaho when I was age 5. I have referred to my parents converting to a Skousen package deal: “No good Mormon is a Democrat.” But I also had the benefit of many other typical American influences like having the second TV in the neighborhood and a strong public education. Sure, there was that big old scare of being in our unfinished basement while my dad raved on about the end of the world and nuclear holocaust and being dead by the end of the week.

People are more than the sum of their cultural experiences. The week Kennedy saved the world, I became a different person. I was remembering an English textbook: “A coward dies a thousand deaths. A brave man dies but once.” I had absorbed the fear in my father’s words, volume, demeanor, gestures, but by the end I felt like I had no more fear in me. I had used it all up. I was done with fear.

What has Bundy taken to heart of the influences on him? This old man has declined the judge’s offer to be released from jail while preparing to represent himself at trial. He has declined release while his sons and others he feels responsible for are held in jail. I see a deep commitment of a family man who is doing his best to provide for and protect his large and extended family. So far, sons Ammon and Ryan have been released, but not everyone Bundy feels responsible for, so he is still in.

When I first heard about Cliven Bundy’s trouble at the ranch, he did not seem an unusual or threatening character. He was just an older, Mormon rancher in an isolated area stuck in a financial trap he didn’t know how to get out off. He was behind the times even as a Mormon. His was a cry for help from a small business man destined for bankruptcy by an arbitrary government change of rules about how many cows he could run. I know something about the mess of being in a losing business, when shutting it down would only bring all the debts due at once. And he looked upon the family-centered life on the ranch as the best life for raising kids. He actually hung on for another generation of kids.

This guy had a wife and a lot of kids. They were living in little old houses—a main house and places for helpers, who were

relatives—in a cluster on the 160 acres they owned. That is a quarter section, a common homestead size in the U.S, and Canada. But what can be done with it varies greatly over the continent. The desert where Bundy lives will sustain about three cows on that much land. It’s not a viable business. Nevada allowed ranchers to run cattle over great expanses of the so-called open range. Mormon desert ranchers typically needed a big herd to support the big family, and a big family to manage the herd. There would be generations of brothers-in-law and grown sons involved and living in those houses.

Twenty years ago or so, the BLM sent out the documents to pay the grazing rights for the year, including the information that the number of cows allowed was dramatically cut back. An environmental issue of saving some turtles who have apparently now made a sufficient comeback. There were at the time 52 ranchers. All but two signed, tried to make it work, and are gone. Many still live close enough and feel strongly enough to come with rifles and stand with Bundy 20 years later. Bundy was smart enough to know he couldn’t make it if he signed the document. He tried to pay grazing rights fees to the county. The problem wasn’t refusal to pay. It was the huge change in allotment size. Rancher No. 52, a guy named Lyons, sold his herd asap and sued the government, for not following its own rules. Finally, after almost 20 years, he won his case. But he died first. But isn’t that interesting looking at Cliven? He was right about the unfairness of arbitrarily changing the allotment.

Bundy made some noises and tried to find a solution. The BLM ordered a fine of $200 dollars per day per cow, and by my feeble math that is $20,000 a day for 1,000 cows. My guess that kind of roundup would take 10 days. He was buried from the beginning. The Bundys also had some water rights due to their work to catch and preserve water. They put out salt licks for the cattle. Any wild animal, including turtles, might use them. And the turtles have since recovered. But Bundy has never been a rich man, except in kids and in-laws.

I know sometimes the government throws out huge fines, and over-charges criminally.

Did they expect Bundy to settle? Is it still impossible? I think he is suffering the misfortune of being befriended by Fox News’ Sean Hannity. He was a drowning man begging for help, and attracted some militia types.

If there was a ranchers association, like the police association, you would think somebody would have offered him a lawyer with a plan focusing on the Lyon case, and money to live through the ordeal. Hannity hyped his cause like a right-wing nut case which was easy enough. A different kind of savior might have shown him to use the right buzzwords and negotiated an end to the war. I think any workable plan would have had his loyalty.

Now, here is where it got weird for me. I discovered how hardened the media is to just Republican versus Democrat views of the world. I phoned a local blogger, Facebook friend, who I followed closely on the same-sex marriage topic, and who got a gig with Huffington Post. I asked him how to get hooked up with HuffPo so I could send in an article on Cliven Bundy. When he found out I had something positive to say about him, he got angry about his share of

C I T Y W E E K LY. N E T N O V E M B E R 3 0 , 2 0 1 7 | V O L . 3 4 N 0 . 2 7

ZION, MILITIAS AND PUBLIC LANDS THE RISE AND RISE OF CLIVEN BUNDY.

BY JOHN DOUGHERTY

the $2 million dollars Cliven owed Americans, and called him and me names and said there was no way he was going to help me. I think I was unfriended. He said to check out MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow.

I did. Rachel was calling Cliven a liar and a crook. Her research department had produced a copy of a land deed going to the name Bundy in the 1940s, so he was lying when he said his family was running cattle in that area since the 1800s, before the BLM existed. Mormons do a lot of genealogy. That aspect of my background had me aware enough to catch the name of the seller: Raoul Leavitt. That is a very common last name in the St. George, Utah, area not that far from Bunkerville, Nev. Mike Leavitt was Utah Governor at the run up to the Utah Olympics. So, genealogists, if Bundy says his family has ranched in that area since the 1800s, and these are Mormon families living in ranch compounds of several households, my first guess is that Grandpa Bundy bought the land they were all living on from a father-in-law. My next guess is that Maddow’s team never thought of that. She certainly repeated the idea that he owed $2 million as if he ever had it. It’s not real money he owed on the allotment. It is fines and fees and court costs and probably interest. Nothing that a guy supporting that many relatives in that desert ever had.

What shocked me most about all this is that the media is as gridlocked as the political parties. If Hannity had championed him, Democratic-type writers were against him. As if all there is in the world are Republicans and Democrats. Half the eligible voters in the country didn’t vote for either party. Why such tribalism? Such enmity? I think this whole thing should be settled.

Show Cliven and those who are on the brink of hopeless decisions an all-American solution right out of his revered Constitution.

Thanks City Weekly for improving the commentary. We still have a long way to go.

LEE ANNE WALKER, JD Cottonwood Heights

As a citizen of humanity, I’d like to take the opportunity to say: Fuck that guy. @that1guyjake33

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OPINION

’Tis the Season to Be Hygge!

Celebrating Christmas is an evolving practice. Artificial trees now outnumber real ones, 4 to 1. Paper cards are fast losing market share to electronic greetings. And to be jolly is now passé. ’Tis the season to be hygge! Not just for us shirttail Danes, whose forbearers followed Brigham Young’s wagon tracks to the Salt Lake Valley in the 19th century, but for the trendy from New York’s Greenwich Village to the Mission District in San Francisco. If you doubt hygge’s popularity, click through Amazon’s listings of how-to-be-hygge books.

According to Danish anthropologist Jeppe Trolle, hygge (pronounced HUE-guh) is a cultural concept derived from “home, togetherness, the enjoyment of leisure, food and drinks.” Feng shui can place your sofa perfectly in your living room, Zen might focus your helter-skelter mind, but hygge is about being content and cozy. Why so popular just now? Perhaps because Denmark tops the happiest-country list, year after year, while the U.S. comes in at number 13 or 14. If the embrace of hygge will bring Americans relief in these unhappy times, what’s to lose?

Contentment might be more elusive than happiness, and coziness might have subjective components like Dr. Denton footed pajamas or mulled wine. But in the dark days of winter, candles are definitely hygge, as are mugs of hot chocolate and plates of cardamom cookies. Golden Retrievers are hygge especially when dozing at the feet of men in corduroys and cardigans. Ugg slippers are hygge, but phones and ear buds are not. Face-to-face conversa-

BY JOHN RASMUSON tion is hygge’s mainspring, as long as politics and religion are excluded. They are sand in hygge gears.

“To be cozy” is one English translation of hygge; “to be nostalgic” is another. I think the difference is one of intention. You can create coziness, but nostalgia comes unbidden like ghosts in Ebenezer Scrooge’s bedroom. The two intertwine at Christmas unlike at other times of the year. On any Saturday night, you can cozy up on the sofa. A plush blanket, a bowl of popcorn and Casablanca on Netflix puts you at a 3 on the hygge scale, maybe a 4. Christmas, on the other hand, is an easy 10. That’s because the sounds, tastes and smells of Yuletide combine to fuel the nostalgia impulse.

Novelist Marcel Proust wrote about the involuntary memories triggered by the smell of a cookie dipped in tea.

These “Proustian memories” are familiar to all of us. Who does not have a song that transports them to a distant time, place and emotional state? When I hear Bing Crosby crooning, “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas,” I am 10 years old, begging for a dollop of dough as my mother bakes cookies in a kitchen hot enough to fog the windows.

I enjoy nostalgic moments like that. In fact, any conversation that begins with “remember when” draws me in. If nostalgia had a frequent flyer program, I would have platinum status. My Danish lineage might account for that.

Others take an opposing view, dismissing nostalgia as an unprofitable way to invest your time. I am more in tune with essayist Roger Rosenblatt’s fanciful theory that “it is impossible to live in any tense but the past. The present moves too fast; the future is the future.” The older you are, the more you appreciate his insight. Scrooge illustrates the connection between past and future. The old skinflint takes no interest in the future until he has redeemed the past.

As Scrooge discovers—and research now confirms—nostalgia has salutary effects just as dark chocolate does. “Nostalgia confers psychological benefits,” asserts the University

of Southampton’s Nostalgia website. Among them is “a stronger sense of belongingness, affiliation or sociality.” If you chart nostalgic moments over the course of a lifetime, you get a U-shaped graph almost identical to that of happiness. Both show 20-year-olds and 70-year-olds are equally happy and often nostalgic. The mid-to-late 40s are the doldrum years.

I don’t think of my 40s as the nadir of my life, but the decade does not provide many Proustian memories of Christmas. George Winston’s CD December is about the only one that comes to mind. However, there was a bad scene with a Christmas tree on a fateful Saturday night.

It was to be a hygge evening in my sweet wife’s mind: cookies baking, hot chocolate steaming, Christmas carols playing—mom, dad and the kids in L.L. Bean sweaters happily hanging ornaments on a perfect Scots Pine. In my mind, dad would be cadging cookie dough, sipping Drambuie, listening to the Grateful Dead and prepping the tree for the kids to decorate. My years of experience with Christmas trees caused me to shrink from the job. The trunk had to be fitted to a wobbly metal stand; a branch or two had to be reconfigured for symmetry’s sake; cardboard shims had to be placed just-so to make the tree plumb—then the tangle of lights.

On that night of contending expectations, the stand was balky. The tree listed no matter what. (Frustration) I shimmed with paperback books. (Tension mounting) The grafted branches drooped and had to be wired in place.

(Swearing!) While dealing with the Gordian knot of lights, bulbs crushed underfoot caused entire strings to go dark.

(Loud swearing!) Finally, as the kids placed the ornaments, the tree toppled over like a torpedoed ship. (Wife flees!)

If there is a lesson here, it is that the pursuit of hygge can have unforeseen developments, some of which are best archived beyond nostalgia’s reach. “Live in the past,” Rosenblatt asserted, “but don’t remember too much.” CW Send feedback to comments@cityweekly.net

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HITS&MISSES

BY KATHARINE BIELE

FIVE SPOT

RANDOM QUESTIONS, SURPRISING ANSWERS

@kathybiele

Is there no end to the strange resentment Americans felt since the 2016 election? And who’s resentful? It’s pretty much white folks. Most recently, the whining comes from San Juan County where voters apparently are terrified that newly drawn court-ordered voting districts would give Navajos a majority in most school and commission districts. Despite whites having majority control throughout the county’s history, and the population is nearly 50/50, they’re claiming racial bias, according to The Salt Lake Tribune. An October NPR poll showed that most white Americans think there’s discrimination against them. Yes, if you get right down to it, people discriminate.

But political discrimination isn’t apparent. Pew research and other data show that whites continue to be at the top of the pack in education and finances.

Land Grab

You’ve got to hand it to Canyon Country Zephyr’s Jim Stiles: He doesn’t back down from a good fight.

We say good because there should be an ongoing dialogue about national monuments and how Americans can protect their dwindling wilderness. Stiles got his ass chewed by the Nevada State Director for the Center for Biological Diversity for an op-ed he wrote in the Deseret News, “Bears Ears: Missing Facts and Misconceptions.” Stiles has long objected to what he calls industrial tourism. He doesn’t like what’s happened to Moab or the strong arm of the outdoor-recreation industry. He’s not entirely wrong. Tourism can hurt the wilderness. Gov. Herbert offered his own op-ed about myths, and they weren’t wrong, either. What is wrong is the lack of dialogue and the continued misstatements in headlines like “Utah’s tenacious efforts to take back federal land stand out.” Yeah, it was never Utah’s land to take back.

Female Future

Women are in the news a lot lately, what with all the accusations of sexual assault and abuse going around.

Then there was Time’s Person of the Year, which wasn’t @realdonaldtrump. It was women who spoke out against abuse. The Deseret News was all aflutter over Provo’s first woman mayor in 166 years. Barring the fact of yet another “first woman” story, she did make history. The Salt Lake Tribune then ran a story about how women are gaining ground in municipal government. Whoopee—a whole 27 percent of the Wasatch Front seats are now held by women. They’re 50 percent of the population, but they’re making headway in a patriarchal state.

CALLISTA PEARSON

White Washing

Kiera Packer has always loved dogs, but it was a 2-month-old American Staffordshire bull terrier named Lucky that changed her life forever. Kiera witnessed Lucky being thrown from a moving car and swooped in to help. Lucky soon became her best friend, and she became an advocate for the misunderstood bully breed. She is now the Outreach & Marketing Coordinator for Salt Lake County Animal Services and also helps run the Salt Lake County (SLCO) Pit Crew.

What is the SLCO Pit Crew?

The Pit Crew is a program that we started because we needed to start addressing the high number of pit bulls that were in the shelter ... The Pit Crew program is a part of SLCO Animal Services for the dogs that are coming into our shelter. We are trying to advocate, educate get out in the community, adopt them out and just kind of change the idea of what the breed is.

Why do bully breeds get such a bad rep?

People have this idea that the dog is something that it’s not; they have a reputation that they do not deserve. We try and make sure we fit good owners with them. I see the need to educate people, because I think that is where the largest problem is. People have learned things about them in the last 10 years ... or they haven’t learned too much about the breed, so I love to get out there and advocate for them and tell them their history, and what the real statistics are. ... They are loyal loving dogs, that not everybody should have. But not everybody should have a chihuahua, either. So I think at the end of the day, people need to research the breed of dogs. They are stubborn, they’re loyal, they’re good with kids but they are not for everybody.

Is there a process that people go through when adopting from the Pit Crew?

Everybody has to go through a process of coming in meeting the dog, going out in the yard, bringing their family members—including their furry family members. Because at the end of the day, that is the one that will choose whether that dog fits in the home the best or not. They have to fill out an adoption application, and we have to approve them. Unfortunately, we do have to do a little bit of digging with the bully breeds, just because we still have insurance companies and breed specifications with apartments—sometimes they don’t allow them.

What kind of support would you like to see continue from the community?

Foster homes are huge because for every foster home we have, we [can get] more information for an adopter. It frees up a kennel so, essentially, you are saving two dogs every time that you open up your home for a foster dog or a cat. Volunteering—that’s a huge thing for us because when you can come in and help us make sure that they’re getting out every single day. Just hitting share on Facebook can [also] make a difference, because you might have 300 friends that I don’t have and they have another 300 friends. A lot of people tell me ‘I can’t adopt,’ and that’s OK. Share those posts; networking is a wonderful way to help. ... Our injured-animal fund, that’s probably our biggest need because that’s what we’re dealing with an awful lot of the time, we try to help them and rehabilitate them.

What have been some of your harder moments working with the breed?

We do a great job here, but before we became a no-kill shelter, there were definitely some [dogs] that I lost. My first one was probably my hardest one. Her name was Diamond.

There’ve been some like Lucky; his struggles broke my heart. ... In this job, everybody kinda always thinks its puppies and kittens and unicorns, and there is so much good and the good far outweighs the bad that I see. But I think the hard part is I get to see good and bad in people. ... But if nobody’s doing it then we’re not solving any problems. I like being part of the solution. Watching them walk out the door, sometimes, it’s bittersweet after you have worked with them for eight months. But those are the things that carry you through the small bad portions of the day.

—RACHELLE FERNANDEZ comments@cityweekly.net

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HEALTH INSURANCE SEMINAR

Don’t miss the Dec. 15 deadline to sign up for Obamacare, aka the Affordable Care Act. No, it’s not dead yet, and neither are you. Get insurance while you still can.

It’s especially important if your employer doesn’t provide it and you don’t want to be fined for lack of coverage. Ark Insurance Solutions is holding a final Health Insurance Open Enrollment Seminar, where insurance representatives can answer questions and help you sign up immediately. Salt Lake Public Library, Level 3 Conference Room, 210 E. 400 South, Thursday, Dec. 14, 10-11 a.m., free, bit.ly/2AmhHVE.

CLOTHING DRIVES

This time of year isn’t necessarily the most wonderful time. If you’re homeless, out of work or just getting by, winter and the holidays can be challenging at best. Food and clothing drives are opportunities for you to express in concrete terms your outrage at the lack of government help.

You can start with the 2017 EBC Winter Food & Clothing Drive to benefit Crossroads Urban Center. The drive’s Facebook page calls for “frozen turkeys, hams and other non-perishable food or clothing items to help Utah families in need during the holiday season. Simply drive up to our tent in the parking lot where EBC employees will be onsite to unload your items for you.” If you miss that drive, try The Hvman Race Clothing Drive, which is seeking clothing donations for the homeless, and also has hot chocolate and food. EBC: Eccles Broadcast Center, 101 Wasatch Drive, 801-5856013, Friday, Dec. 15, 7:30 a.m.-6 p.m., free, bit.ly/2AIoYhl; Hvman Race: 700 W. 400 South, Saturday, Dec. 16, 12-5 p.m., free, bit.ly/2nIuXxQ.

CLEAN-AIR FUNDRAISER

Here’s a new nonprofit worth supporting if you want to breathe. The Salt Lake Air Protectors, an activist environmental group, isn’t advocating for specific policies, but rather going grassroots. They are trying to raise awareness, perform community service, support existing initiatives and “take direct action that will address the on-going air pollution crisis in Utah,” at this Winter Solstice Celebration. This fundraiser includes music, a gourmet vegetarian/vegan meal with Native presenters, hoop dancing and a silent auction. Krishna Temple, 965 E. 3370 South, 801-4874005, Sunday, Dec. 17, 4:30-8:30 p.m., $10 suggested donation, $20 three-course dinner, bit.ly/2Bi64z8.

—KATHARINE BIELE Send tips to revolt@cityweekly.net

STRAIGHT DOPE Where’s the Deer?

Would it be possible to supply enough venison to make a regular fast-food item, like if Arby’s wanted to have their venison sandwich available all year? Is it even legal for ordinary people to raise deer?

—Mdcastle, via the Straight Dope message board

For those of you who don’t keep up on your fast-food marketing gimmicks, Mdcastle is referring to an autumn promotion at Arby’s in recent years, a special one-day-only venison-steak sandwich. So far the scheme seems to be working better than you might guess: The venison sells out within hours, sometimes minutes, and Arby’s gets, if not the widespread civil unrest inspired by McDonald’s Szechuan sauce, at least the spike in social-media chatter any modern business craves. Who knew there was such a hunger for deer?

Makes sense when you think about it, really. Millennials, we never stop hearing, are driving American food culture toward more and more outré tastes, and we were bound to get around to game eventually. In October, the food-delivery app Caviar reported that orders for game meat had risen 80 percent over the past two years. Deer’s also healthier and easier on the environment than beef.

Plus there’s that rising passion for local eating; what could be more local than deer?

None of the American butcher-shop staples—cow, pig, chicken—are indigenous to the continent. Deer, on the other hand? Like eating out of our own national backyard.

In theory, anyway. In fact, Arby’s had to source its venison from New Zealand, where there’s a robust deer-farming industry; in the U.S., only 20 percent of the demand for venison is met by domestic supply. But yes, it’s legal to raise deer here, and lots of farmers are doing it. Back in 2007 an analysis from Texas A&M found that cervid livestock—not just your deer but also your elk, your reindeer—was one of the fastest-growing industries in rural America; fresher stats peg its growth at 25 to 30 percent annually.

That said, waltzing into your local Taco Bell on any given day and ordering the whitetail fajitas remains a distant dream.

Why? There’s a catch-22 in play, applicable any time you find yourself wondering why we don’t eat more [insert name of nonstandard meat here]. Taxpayers, vegetarian and carnivorous alike, foot the bill for USDA inspections of beef, pork and poultry. Farmers of other animals, though, from rabbits to goats to deer, have to dig into their own pockets to pay for inspection. Meanwhile, with demand for venison still relatively limited, lenders are leerier about fronting startup costs for deer farming, seeing it as a higher-risk venture. There are also cervid-specific expenses, such as the eight-foot-high (i.e., unjumpable) fencing required in most states.

So, in short: because venison’s a niche industry, it’s more expensive to get into;

BY CECIL ADAMS SLUG SIGNORINO

CITIZEN T! O REVOLT BIG SHINY ROB

because it’s more expensive to get into, it’ll probably stay a niche industry.

Back up, you say: why the special fence requirement? That’s owing to the fact that captive deer are at risk for chronic wasting disease, a fatal relative of mad-cow, and another obstacle to your aspirational deerburger. Conservationists worry CWD will spread from farmed deer to those outside the fence, decimating wild populations; a recent article in the magazine Petersen’s Hunting referred to deer farming as a “ticking time bomb.”

But here’s where things get complicated. The captive deer the article focused on aren’t raised for venison. They’re raised as stock for private game preserves—an enormously lucrative part of this industry, and one with noisy detractors. Truly, the optics aren’t great. A 2014 Indianapolis Star investigation, for instance, told of a stud deer named X-Factor, “the product of more than three decades of selective breeding,” who’d been valued at a million, er, bucks owing to a set of antlers on his head too huge and heavy for his neck to easily support. Some might call this rack grotesque; others might call it the ultimate in abovefireplace decor. That’s the dark side of the deer ranch, then: They’re breeding elaborately antlered deer to be easy quarry for weekend warriors.

The odiousness of this whole setup has gained the wild deer powerful allies: socalled fair-chase hunters, represented by groups like the National Wildlife Federation, who’ve been fighting various state proposals to re-regulate deer as livestock, rather than wildlife. The NWF set is motivated by the obvious threat—can’t hunt deer that’ve already dropped dead—but ties it to a bigger-picture point: that wildlife is a public trust that shouldn’t be privatized.

This principle’s been kicking around the hunting and fishing communities for more than a century, once championed by folks like Teddy Roosevelt. And the fair-chase hunters have successfully fought proposals to liberalize the deer industry in states like Tennessee and Missouri. It’s a sweetly (if I may say it) un-American idea, this notion that some things are beyond buying and selling. Unfortunately for the fair-chasers, we’re still in America. The future’s not exactly on their side.

Send questions via straightdope.com or write c/o Chicago Reader, 30 N. Racine, Suite 300, Chicago, Ill, 60607.

We buy cars (801) 845-2423 creditrefresh.cityweekly.net

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By DYLAN WOOLF HARRIS | dwharris@cityweekly.net | Photos by STEVEN VARGO |

Trump’s declaration, the anonymous caller opted to boycott the entire region.

However, Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke couldn’t have been more pleased with his boss. On Dec. 4, the cowboy cabinet member from Montana lauded Trump for his leadership, for championing rural communities and for being “a man of his word.” Zinke voiced his approval from a stage in the Utah State Capitol rotunda that was adorned with flags and flair, bright lights and a press pool, to make official what had been leaked days before and anticipated by anyone paying attention for several months: Trump was in Utah for the first time since winning the presidential election to cut to size a couple of controversial national monuments.

“This is about us. This is about giving rural America a voice and giving the great state of Utah a voice on how and when and what and why we love our land, giving the local voice back to America,” Zinke said.

DECEMBER 14, 2017 | 13

is to brush off the opposition, she heads out the doors of Wagon Wheel into the afternoon air wearing a wide grin.

For some, avoiding contention isn’t as simple.

Wagon Wheel received the irate phone call the day after Trump’s visit, Peebles tells City Weekly, because her business is located in a town that took an official position against Bears Ears National Monument.

“It was a message that they’re not going to be supporting San Juan County anymore,” she says. “There are so many different views and ideas that people have. I personally can’t say that I have enough information to understand the whole controversy of who’s getting what.

It’s all operated by the [Bureau of Land Management].

Why make it a monument? What’s a monument? Why is a monument different than just being BLM land?”

Peebles said the caller claimed to visit San Juan County often and always stopped in her eaterie, one of the county’s oldest operating restaurants. Angered by

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In San Juan County, where a national monument controversy permeates neighborhood chit-chat, Susan Peebles small-talks with a regular from behind the counter in her pizza joint. Peebles relates that someone angrily called to say their days of patronizing the pizza store were over.

She was talking to a woman who had bussed up to Salt Lake City with her husband two days prior, on Dec. 4, to support President Donald Trump’s signing of a proclamation that shrunk Bears Ears and Grand Staircase-Escalante national monuments. The customer tells Peebles she wasn’t fazed by the protesters outside the Capitol—and then as if to demonstrate how easy it

@mr.vargo

Monticello, Utah — Just like that, a political spat cost Wagon Wheel Pizza a customer. At least that’s the rumor.

@dylantheharris

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TRUMP AND ZINKE PAINTED BEARS EARS NATIONAL MONUMENT AS A SPECIAL INTEREST, WASHINGTON BUREAUCRATIC LAND GRAB. THEY WERE WRONG.

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“Why make it a monument? What’s a monument? Why is a monument different than just being BLM land?”

—Business owner Susan Peebles

The crowd inside the Capitol punctuated the most salient moments that day with loud cheers, thrilled that the special-interest groups and Washington bureaucrats would no longer be able to control vast swaths of public land in southeastern Utah.

As celebratory as the scene was, however, the narrative is contradicted by the Native Americans and rural Utahns who have petitioned the government for half a decade to create Bears Ears National Monument.

The little guy

Many of the state’s elected leaders were eager to reverse President Barack Obama’s decision to designate 1.35 million acres in southeastern Utah as Bears Ears National Monument. One of the president’s final actions, Obama signed the proclamation on Dec. 28, 2016, less than a month before he left the White House.

In the aftermath, a convoy of officials traveled south to San Juan County for an anti-monument demonstration. House Speaker Greg Hughes made the trek.

“The pain that I saw in the eyes of the people that were there on Main Street right outside the San Juan County Building. The people, the Native Americans, the people that were there felt like the implication was they weren’t good stewards of their land,” Hughes told a crowd in the statehouse.

When the Legislature convened in January, Hughes introduced a resolution asking the federal government to rescind Bears Ears. It sailed through the legislative body and was one of the first items that session to be signed by Gov. Gary Herbert.

“Here we stand today, this tiny little state. Those voices that didn’t know if they’d ever have audience with the president of the United States or Secretary Zinke, who’s here, who flew here in May, went and met with all the stakeholders and had a process,” Hughes said. “The little guy’s voice was heard. Our community’s voice was heard.”

A San Juan County commissioner and member of the

Navajo Nation, Rebecca Benally hails from two communities at the heart of the controversy—and she vehemently opposed the national monument.

Speaking at the Trump rally, Benally embodied a perspective that is unique to San Juan leaders who felt disheartened the day the monument was announced. They found it vexing that 1.35 million acres in their county had become political turf to uninitiated outsiders.

“People who have never been to San Juan County and could likely never find us on the map, people who don’t understand our culture and tradition and histories, people who don’t care about us, these are the people who have defined a narrative and passed judgment on us,” she said.

The creation of a national monument amounted to “nothing but a land grab” that benefitted a select group of non-government organizations, she said. But Trump’s arrival marked a new day; Benally expressed gratitude.

She thanked Zinke for visiting her county on his factfinding listening tour last May; she thanked Sen. Orrin Hatch, R-Utah, for fighting to “rectify a wrong”; and she thanked Trump for “caring about San Juan County.”

Then Benally recognized the Navajo chapter houses for uniting together despite efforts to divide them—a bold assertion considering six of the seven Navajo chapters in Utah had voted to support Bears Ears National Monument, and the seventh abstained from taking a formal position.

Meanwhile, Mary Benally, a Navajo from a small reservation community south of Bluff, who was standing outside the Capitol in the cold, didn’t thank anybody.

She felt sick to her stomach.

Mary Benally is one of many San Juan residents who rejects the contention repeated by Utah’s leaders: that outsider politicians and fringe environmentalists pushed for Bears Ears National Monument without insight from locals—a claim made often during Trump’s visit.

A member of Utah Diné Bikéyah, Mary Benally is part of a grassroots, Navajo-led nonprofit that advocated for

the national monument as well as an inter-tribal coalition co-management plan. “Somebody in Washington actually listened to us and did what we asked, what we wanted,” she says. About 11 months after its creation, Mary Benally watched as a years-long process to establish the national monument was undone.

Also on the Utah Diné Bikéyah board, Jonah Yellowman too felt deflated by the president’s proclamation.

“All of those people that we live with, our relatives, we use Bears Ears area. We go out there and gather wood, that’s our everyday life,” Yellowman says. “We’re all for it.”

Whether or not a national monument proves to be prudent, Native Americans with a sacred connection to the land and San Juan conservationists were the forces behind Bears Ears, Utah Diné Bikéyah says. Not Obama.

Not former Interior Secretary Sally Jewell. Not Patagonia Inc. or any likeminded outdoor retailer.

The Saturday before Trump’s visit, a massive gathering of protesters congregated on the Capitol’s front lawn slope. At a long table to the east, swarms of promonument types purchased T-shirts from Utah Diné Bikéyah. Program Director Cynthia Wilson did her best to keep up with the customers. The money, she said later, would help pay for the nonprofit’s expenses—including a potential lawsuit.

Tribal elders, Wilson explains, mapped out the original borders for Bears Ears National Monument, about 1.9 million acres comprising ruins and spots where Navajos perform ceremonial rituals, hunt, and pick piñon and berries. Although the Obama administration only designated 1.35 million acres, the inter-tribal coalition considered it an acceptable compromise.

The San Juan County Commission, as well as the city councils in Monticello and Blanding saw it as gross overreach and passed resolutions in opposition. But there are locals who supported Bears Ears, advocates say, you just have to drive farther south.

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DECEMBER 14, 2017 | 15

gress as an alternative to a national monument.

Friends of Cedar Mesa jumped ship, Hadenfeldt says, when Rep. Rob Bishop, R-Utah, packed the PLI with “poison pills.” From there, the Friends supported designating the land as a national monument.

In July 2016, then Interior Secretary Sally Jewell visited Bluff and solicited comments at a packed public meeting. The morning before the town hall session, Hadenfeldt led Jewell and other dignitaries into the Bears Ears countryside along Comb Ridge to a famous rock-art site. From the couch of his Bluff home, Hadenfeldt recounts his excursion with Jewell, who was in southeastern Utah to determine whether Bears Ears should be a national monument.

“I get her on top of Comb, and we’re looking toward Bluff. I said to her, ‘My concern was that you’re not going to bring the boundary of the Bears Ears to the town of Bluff, which is really important for our town.’ There’s a lot of archeology right outside my door here.” As he recalls, Jewell responded that she couldn’t imagine recommending a border that was smaller than the PLI, which extended to Bluff. “At that time, I felt like our organization had won,” Hadenfeldt says.

By contrast, Hadenfeldt says when Zinke traveled to Utah last May, he appeared disinterested in what Friends of Cedar Mesa had to say. The organization was one of the only pro-monument voices to meet with Zinke, in the form of a 30-minute sit down at the Edge of the Cedars Museum, which serves as a repository in Blanding for archived archeology removed from the area.

In the meeting, Hadenfeldt told Zinke that 30,000 cultural sites, of an estimated 100,000, had been recorded. “We know there’s tons of sites, but they haven’t been officially, on paper, recorded as an archeological site,” Hadenfeldt recalls. “He looked at me and said, ‘So that’s what you really have here: 30,000 sites.’ At that point, I knew I was kind of bucking up against someone who has a quite a different attitude toward cultural resources.”

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Bluff is an off-kilter town 25 miles south of Blanding, attuned to the seasons. In the winter—the slow months— most of its businesses and motels close up shop, but 200 or so locals call it home year-round. It’s inhabited by outfitters and archeologists, small-business owners and avant-garde artists, like the calloused-handed Joe Pachak, who on a mid-week afternoon toils in an open dirt lot off the main drag, binding branches together.

His creation is a 15-foot-tall effigy. On Dec. 21—the winter solstice, or as Pachak puts it, “the real end of the year”—the figure will be set ablaze.

A semi-regular solstice tradition, this year’s effigy will resemble two dancing bears. “They are to commemorate the Bear Dance at the Ute Reservation,” Pachak says.

Pachak, a self-identified “Bluffoon” of 30 years, is dismayed by the destruction, pillaging and pothunting on public lands. “The federal government has not protected this land well at all,” he says. “As far as I’m concerned, it needed protection.” A national monument, Pachak argues, wouldn’t have necessarily provided that shield, but it might have sent a message: Southeastern Utah has precious antiquities that are as fragile as they are irreplaceable—so be wary and respectful. Pachak also believes a national monument would have established a framework allowing the government to execute a plan to protect the remaining sites that haven’t been lost or damaged.

Listening to the president, Pachak didn’t think Trump grasped the area as a cultural gem.

“He can’t understand the situation that we’re in,” Pachak says, as he clamps a twig with a pair of pliers.

“Through the eyes of archeologists and people who see the loss of the archaeological record as something really important, it’s a tragedy.”

About six years ago, independent of the Navajos’ efforts to conserve land and resources around Bears Ears, a nonprofit in Bluff called Friends of Cedar Mesa

helped draft the Public Lands Initiative.

Vaughn Hadenfeldt, a founding member of Friends of Cedar Mesa and chairman for the past three years, says the cultural differences between Blanding and Bluff— where Hadenfeldt bases an outdoor tour company—is a vast chasm. Hadenfeldt has long dirty-blonde hair and deep wrinkles on his face. He looks like a man who’s spent many waking hours under the desert sun.

A resident of Bluff is more likely to be a hiker who seeks solitude in the canyons, he says, where a Blanding resident seems to prefer to recreate on an ATV. As a community, Blanding is incensed by the federal government imposing rules on adjacent public lands.

“They’re used to doing what they want to with the land. And probably in the early days that was acceptable and people got used to that,” he says. “Now, with more people coming and more impacts on the land and usage here, those kinds of attitudes just can’t prevail anymore. You can’t just go do what you want to do, and drive where you want to drive, and build a campfire wherever you want to build it.”

Uniquely, the Puebloan ruins at Bears Ears, he contends, require greater attention and protection than those in other wondrous public lands. “We’re beyond a gorgeous drop-dead landscape,” he says. “That landscape is full of cultural resources that are sacred to a lot of Native Americans. Their ancestry left all sorts of remnants of the past here, and we somehow have to start realizing that is important, too. It maybe isn’t the history of the settlers who came here, but it is a deep history far longer than when the Hole in the Rock expedition came and founded the town of Bluff,” he says.

Friends of Cedar Mesa was instrumental in framing the Public Lands Initiative—better known as the PLI—a management document to provide protections for some of the resources. The group met with county officials over the course of three years, and the county was receptive. Eventually, the PLI was picked up by the Utah congressional delegation and introduced to Con-

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Bluffoons

Joe Pachak

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Vaughn Hadenfeldt On its website, Friends of Cedar Mesa compiled a photo montage of more than 100 archeological sites that are outside of the new national monument borders. “It’s incredible what kind of reduction of cultural resources just occurred here,” Hadenfeldt says.

Before Zinke flew into San Juan County, tribal leaders invited him to meet with them at the Monument Valley Welcome Center, according to Wilson. Zinke never responded. By the time he arrived, groups like Utah Diné Bikéyah were scrambling to find him.

“His whole agenda was based on the San Juan County commissioners,” Mary Benally says. “None of us knew that he was going to be at Blanding at some park. We were just excluded from the whole thing. We didn’t know his schedule. We were just trying to follow wherever the media were.”

“He came down, [but] he didn’t listen to us,” Yellowman adds. “We tried to meet with him. He just got on his horse and galloped away.”

The inter-tribal coalition was so concerned that Zinke would not consider its perspective in his recommendation, that its leaders tried to bypass him and sent a letter directly to Trump.

“We believe you may not be receiving an accurate picture of Bears Ears, how it came to be, and how wide public support is for the Monument,” states the letter, which was shared with City Weekly. “Respectfully, Mr. President, we want to meet with you on a government-togovernment basis and set the record straight with you.”

The Trump administration never responded, says Natalie Landreth, Native American Rights Fund senior staff attorney.

Nothing changes

Officials in the county, Monticello and Blanding say Bluff residents and pro-monument Native Americans have it wrong: It was Zinke who listened, and Jewell

Jeremy Redd who made a recommendation without consulting the locals. They saw Obama’s proclamation, signed while he was in Hawaii, as a dismissive swipe at residents.

Blanding City Manager Jeremy Redd acknowledges that one’s perspective is shaded by his or her opinion of Bears Ears National Monument. Jewell, he points out, met in Bluff, one of the smaller communities in San Juan County. Reports of the July 2016 meeting, however, note that pro- and anti-monument people were able to express their views.

Though on different sides of the debate, Redd and Hadenfeldt agree on one important detail: The proclamation signed by Obama on Dec. 28, 2016, didn’t actually affect much on the ground.

“Nothing has changed. It was federal to start with. It received a new designation, and the new designation didn’t do anything,” Redd says. “And now that the designation has been shrunk, it’s still BLM and Forest Service. They’re still in charge of what happens, and people can still come and visit. There’s no bulldozers waiting to push the whole thing over. There’s no oil rigs waiting at the edge of the canyons to get started. It’s going to be the same.”

Redd says residents worry that a national monument would attract scores of tourists to a place the federal government wasn’t funding properly. In fact, following the designation—coupled with the ensuing media circus—Blanding experienced a dramatic uptick in tourism.

“We’re seeing about a 30 percent increase in our visitation through our visitor center and our local transient-room tax in this year, 2017,” he says. Years prior, Blanding, a midway point between Arches National Park and Monument Valley, had experienced an 8-10 percent climb in tourism.

A designation could also open up an avenue for onerous regulations down the line, Redd adds.

Hadenfeldt says the increase in traffic that San Juan County experienced year after year was the impetus to protect Bears Ears. Initially, Hadenfeldt wasn’t concerned whether that protection was provided by the PLI or by the president through the Antiquities Act, a 1906 law that allows the executive branch to set aside land for preservation. Language in the law grants the president the authority to establish a monument in the “smallest area compatible with proper care and management.” Bears Ears opponents highlight this clause as evidence that the 1.35 million acre national monument violated the law.

Hadenfeldt disagrees.

“That’s what the Antiquities Act is all about, for God’s sake, is protection of cultural resources,” he says. “If this place doesn’t deserve the Antiquities Act [protections] there is no place in this country that would qualify. This is the epicenter. This has more archeological sites than any national park that we have or anyplace else in this country. It makes Mesa Verde look like a little spot with some ruins.”

Hadenfeldt concurs that the proclamation creating Bears Ears National Monument allowed for the same types of activities on the land that were permitted before. He suspects rumors that the national monument would block access was a tactic used to foment fear.

“This other problem that I see rampant around here is the misinformation, [such as], ‘We can’t graze there anymore. We can’t collect firewood there anymore. We can’t go hunting there anymore.’” he says. “None of that changed. It was actually written into the proclamation that those things will continue to occur.

“To listen to all of these country folks trying to tell Navajos, no more firewood, you won’t be able to go hunting there anymore or collect native plants,” he continues. “None of that changed. It’s such a bold-faced, outright lie.”

Land of tradition

JANUARY 2012

Utah Diné Bikéyah organizes in an effort to map out and preserve ancestral lands in southeastern Utah.

SEPTEMBER 2014

Six of the seven Utah Navajo Chapter Houses pass resolutions in favor of Bears Ears National Monument. The seventh chapter house tables the vote.

JULY 18, 2016

Interior Secretary Sally Jewell hosts a public meeting in Bluff where residents voice their favor or disapproval for a proposed national monument.

DEC. 14, 2016

As news of a looming national monument starts to spread, Utah leaders turn to social media using the hashtag #NoMidnightMonument.

DEC. 28, 2016

With less than a month left in office, President Barack Obama designates 1.35 million acres in southeastern Utah as Bears Ears National Monument.

APRIL 26, 2017

President Donald Trump signs an executive order that requires the Interior Department to review more than 20 national monuments to determine whether any should be adjusted.

MAY 10, 2017

Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke visits San Juan County. Carrying out the president’s executive order, he meets with local leaders and tours the Bears Ears National Monument on foot and horseback. Zinke also takes in an aerial view of the landscape via helicopter.

NOVEMBER 2017

Reports start to leak that Zinke has recommended the government cut about 2 million acres from two of Utah’s national monuments.

DEC. 4, 2017

Utah Diné Bikéyah files a lawsuit in federal court against Trump and the federal government.

The Southern Utah Wilderness Alliance, Utah Chapter of the Sierra Club, National Parks Conservation Association and Grand Staircase-Escalante Partners take part in a press conference opposing Republican Rep. Chris Stewart’s “Orwellian” Grand Staircase-Escalante Enhancement Act.

DECEMBER 14, 2017 | 17

DEC. 12, 2017

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DEC. 6, 2017

Inside the Utah State Capitol, President Trump signs a proclamation shrinking Bears Ears National Monument into two smaller national monuments: Shash Jaa and Indian Creek.

The document also reduces Grand Staircase-Escalante to three segments: Grand Staircase, Kaiparowits and Escalante Canyon.

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Jack Gillis

deal of faith in a higher power.

The protracted fight, he says, is like a football scrum. It’s impossible to make sense of who has the ball, but that doesn’t stop more and more bodies from diving onto the jumbled pile from various angles. It’s confusing, hard to determine who’s winning and what they’re grappling at. “Even the referee doesn’t know,” he says.

Marlo Allen owns Olde Bridge Grill Café, an endof-the-line diner before you cross over the San Juan River into the Navajo Reservation. Her extended family travels from the reservation to Bears Ears to gather firewood, a right that was enshrined in the Obama proclamation.

Across the bridge, the country opens up around you with rolling sagebrush range on either side.

Headed south, you’ll hit a straight stretch of road that dips down a long descent into the valley, and if you drive along at the right time of evening, the sandstone spires of Monument Valley will stand out in an unforgettable monolith silhouette before a jaundiced skyline.

Gillis says the central rock features resemble a medicine man and a patient; they’re praying to Rock Beings to the east. “They might have been alive one day,” he says.

As day turns to dusk, stoop lights on modular homes in the distance start twinkling. But for the glow, you’d zoom past the houses, presumably with Navajo residents inside, without noticing them.

In Salt Lake City, Yellowman highlighted how the government silenced Navajo voices when it reserved Bears Ears. “All those years that we did what we did, all the planning, we wanted people to understand that we’re just as human as anybody else,” he said.

“We’re still here and we want to be known. We want people to see us.” CW

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Jack Gillis, a medicine man protégé who learned the practice from his father and grandfather, sips coffee inside the Olde Bridge Grill Café in Mexican Hat, Utah.

Speaking in a slow baritone, he frequently sprinkles in metaphors and similes to underscore his point.

When people allude to Native Americans who visit Bears Ears for traditional purposes, they’re talking about people like Gillis and his ilk, who cache firewood they’ve retrieved off its buttes, who pack out herbs for cooking and other medicinal use, who retain generational knowledge.

“I grew up with it,” he says. “My father used to be a real medicine man.”

The soil is rich with stories, too. From his forefathers, Gillis heard the tale of Navajos climbing to the highest geological formation to survey the land, keep an eye out for invading settlers and to pray. In his communion, Gillis talks to nature: the rivers, the mountains, the herbs.

Finding ruins in the area takes minimal effort.

A mile-long hike on dirt and rain-smoothed stone leads to the Butler Wash Ruins Overlook. Cairns and wild plants mark the path until you reach a fenced overlook. Across the ravine, brick walls built 700 years ago by Anasazi Indians stand in the natural cliffs. The structures were domestic and spiritual, used as homes, as well as storage space and ceremonial grounds.

The Mule Canyon Ruins, which features the foundation of a small village, sit in the distance. You can peer down into a circular, brick wall pit that connected through an underground tunnel to a two-story tower and a 12-room living area.

The ruins are remarkable.

As for the monument, Gillis prays that the land will remain protected and accessible. He places a great

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ESSENTIALS

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Sting and Honey: This Bird of Dawning Javen Tanner—artistic director of Sting and Honey, and creator of This Bird of Dawning—is fully aware that it’s not your typical Christmasseason arts option. “I have this terrible habit of doing things nobody wants to see,” Tanner says with a laugh. “From the get-go, this was such a hard sell: We’re going to do the Nativity, with poetry and masks. ‘Oh great—I won’t be there.’”

Yet the production is celebrating its 10th

ANTHONY NUNEZ

CHARLES AZZOPARDI

Local fans of Gabriel Iglesias have waited a long time to see his newest show, Fluffymania.

But after months of waiting—originally set to start the tour in April, Iglesias was forced to postpone in order to deal with health difficulties stemming from ongoing struggles with diabetes—the comedian is bringing his latest jokes to Salt Lake City, celebrating 20 years on the road.

Iglesias’ comedic style pivots around the ability to immerse the audience in a story, and using creative sound effects and characters.

This skill—and his relatively clean sets—have enabled him to become one of America’s most successful comedians, selling out venues like Madison Square Garden in New York City and The Microsoft Theater in Los Angeles.

The show’s title comes from a long-standing theme in Iglesias’ comedy. In addition to telling stories about race and his personal life, he often focuses on his weight. The “Fluffy” in the title of the show refers to his well-known insistence that he’s not fat, he’s just fluffy.

Being able to take a lighthearted attitude toward something like his weight is characteristic of Iglesias’ style in general. Growing up the youngest of six children, raised by a single mother in government housing, he learned to use humor to face obstacles.

If you want to see the show, there’s still time to buy a ticket, although at press time, only single seats were available. All tickets from the original tour date will be honored.

(Kylee Ehmann) Gabriel Iglesias: Fluffymania @ Vivint SmartHome Arena, 301 W. South Temple, 801-325-2000, Dec. 16, 8 p.m., $32-$142, vivintarena.com

Gabriel Iglesias: Fluffymania

DECEMBER 14, 2017 | 19

Dance is an interpretive art form, one that utilizes movement and creative designs to convey a nuanced narrative and visual impressions. Even so, it’s no small challenge to convey the sheer scope and stunning scenery of America’s sprawling Southwest through any medium, much less movement.

Still, credit Momix—a veteran Connecticutbased dance company with a 37-year history representing craft and creativity—with accomplishing just that. Utilizing motion and movement, puppets, props, lighting and illusion, the 10 dancers transform themselves into slithering creatures, winged wonders and other mysterious beasts that inhabit the desert’s natural environs—a world of scarce resources, tumbleweeds and vast expanse.

Dubbed appropriately Opus Cactus, it’s a stunning showcase of vibrance and versatility, all set to a soundtrack featuring the music of Brian Eno, the Swingle Sisters and other musical masters.

“I often use dancers to compose a theatrical, often visual, world on stage,” founder and artistic director Moses Pendleton, notes.

“There is a lot of physical movement—a lot of dance, I would say—but it’s part of a mix. I come from the Loie Fuller-Alwin Nikolais line of American dance—the body extended and transformed with fabric, props and lighting.”

Still, it doesn’t require being well-versed in the history of dance to appreciate the sheer spectacle. As Pendleton points out, it’s due in no small part to some exceptional outfitting.

“They’re not simply costumes,” he suggests.

“They’re wearable imagery.” (Lee Zimmerman) Momix: Opus Cactus @ Eccles Center for the Performing Arts, 1750 Kearrns Blvd., Park City, 435-655-3114, Dec. 16, 7:30 p.m., $29-$79, ecclescenter.org

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SATURDAY 12/16

Momix: Opus Cactus

year, using a unique combination of kabukistyle masked theater, movement and, yes, recitations of poetry to convey the story of the Nativity. While the bones of the show remain the same, Tanner says that there are changes that keep the show fresh, as well as the creative energy that comes simply from working with a new group of actors every year.

Within that framework is a tale that works for audiences regardless of their religious affiliation, and one that they keep coming back to.

“People for whom this story is a real story,” Tanner says, “it’s a very profound experience for them, and they bring their family back year after year. … Friends who are not believers, once they see it, they sort of feel the profundity of it.

“Rather than just a way to make money for the holiday season, this offers a great opportunity to stage a ritual that is still meaningful for people,” he continues. “The masks lend themselves to the ritual feel of it: reverence, beauty, awe, wonder.” (SR) Sting and Honey: This Bird of Dawning @ Regent Street Black Box, 131 S. Main, 801-355-2787, Dec. 15, 7:30 p.m.; Dec. 16, 2 p.m. & 7:30 p.m., $18, artsaltlake.org

SATURDAY 12/16

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The World Golf Hall of Fame in St. Augustine, Fla., has honored many golfers with exhibits.

But when the institution set out to create one honoring someone not known primarily for his golf skills—legendary entertainer Bob Hope, who earned a lifetime achievement award for his advocacy for the game—they wound up with something too popular to keep in one location.

Originally launched in 2008, Bob Hope: An American Treasure gathers memorabilia, photos and other artifacts celebrating Hope’s decades in vaudeville, radio, television, movies and his famous USO tours. “We thought it would have a lifespan of around three years,” Hall of Fame Vice President Brodie Waters, says. “But it just keeps going with no signs of slowing down.”

With the cooperation of the Hope family, the exhibit showcases items including Hope’s Emmy and honorary Academy Awards, a Congressional Medal of Freedom and even his original vaudeville contract. Video installations also capture material like Hope’s popular TV holiday specials. According to Waters, however, the items associated with Hope’s longtime support of and performances for American troops seem to make the biggest impression on visitors, including letters of appreciation Hope received from soldiers.

“He lived to be 100,” Waters says, “so his life spanned so many different eras. But he was able to get through the politics of things and develop relationships. That resonates for people right now.” (Scott Renshaw) Bob Hope: An American Treasure @ Utah Cultural Celebration Center, 1355 W. 3100 South, West Valley City, 801-965-5100, through April 28, 2018, Monday-Thursday, 9 a.m.-6 p.m., free, culturalcelebration.org

Complete listings online at cityweekly.net

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Bob Hope: An American Treasure

ENTERTAINMENT PICKS, DEC. 14-20, 2017

SAMANTHA KOFFORD

MICHAEL CHRISTENSEN

the

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Ten local ways to get out and spark your seasonal joy.

BY SCOTT RENSHAW scottr@cityweekly.net @scottrenshaw

VERONICA YEAGER

S

ome years, it’s harder to get into the holiday spirit. Maybe it’s the political climate—all toxic sniping and depressing news. Maybe it’s the actual climate—an absence of snow that makes Utah feel less than winter wonderland-ish.

You need a dose of Christmas cheer, and you need it stat.

Friends, that’s what art is here for. If you still need something to kick-start your sense of the season, here are 10 local events that just might be the perfect gift for your weary soul.

A Christmas Carol The Charles Dickens classic is a staple at many small theater companies, but the musical version at Hale Center Theater in Orem continues a long-standing Utah Valley holiday tradition. Join Ebenezer Scrooge on his journey through ghostly visitations to learn the true meaning of Christmas, and get your “God bless us, every one” on.

Hale Center Theater, 225 W. 400 North, Orem, 801-226-8600, through Dec. 23, $20-$26, haletheater.org Dickens Christmas Ball Get festive in the Victorian style with the ninth annual unique combination of dance, games and vintage treats. Old Glory Vintage Dancers lead attendees in learning the authentic steps of the era, plus the kind of parlor games you might play at a Christmas party in circa-1870s England. Period dress is recommended for those truly wanting to get into the spirit; otherwise, modern formal is requested. Viridian Center, 8030 S. 1825 West, Dec. 14, 7-10 p.m., $15, oldgloryvintagedancers.com

COURTESY THE KNOT KID

20 | DECEMBER 14, 2017

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Holiday Spirit

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SEASONAL EVENTS

Odyssey Dance: ReduxNut-Cracker The dance company behind the Halloween favorite Thriller approaches the familiar holiday ballet in a similarly unorthodox manner. Modern technology and hip-hop movement give a contemporary spark to the story of Clara and Herr Drosselmeyer, reminding you that you’ve never heard Tchaikovsky until you’ve heard him with some sick beats. Kingsbury Hall, 1395 E. Presidents Circle, 801-581-7100, through Dec. 23, $25.50-$45.50, tickets.utah.edu Hanukkah Menorah Lighting Celebrate the Jewish holiday with a traditional ceremony in the beautiful Wasatch Mountains. Bring your own menorah, or simply join in the sundown candle-lighting daily through the end of the eight-day celebration. Snowbird Resort, Highway 210, Snowbird, through Dec. 19, 5 p.m., snowbird.com Miracle on 34th Street The 1947 film about a department-store Santa Claus trying to convince a cynical world that he’s the real thing has become one of the most beloved holiday movie classics. Did you know there’s a musical stage version, with songs by the legendary Meredith Wilson (The Music Man)? Enjoy the tale of Kris Kringle and his quest to establish his North Pole bona fides, while putting some merry tunes in your heart. SCERA Center for the Arts, 745 S. State, Orem, 801-255-2787, through Dec. 16, $12-$14, scera.org Art Access Gallery Holiday Show If you’re still doing some Christmas shopping—or even if you just want a chance to see the wonderful things local artisans create—visit the gallery for its annual showcase of works by Utah artists. From jewelry and pottery to soaps and lotions, plus many more fun handcrafted items like crocheted critters by the Knot Kid (pictured left), it’s a chance to get festive and shop local. Art Access Gallery, 230 S. 500 West, No. 125, 801-328-0703, through Dec. 15, accessart.org Red Butte Garden Winter Solstice Celebration Bring the whole family to

Odyssey Dance’s ReduxNut-Cracker

the Children’s Garden for a morning of activities built on winter celebrations going back centuries. Learn about the winter solstice and listen to storytelling while participating in crafts like creating head wreaths and making winter candles.

Then finish things off with a cup of hot chocolate and a new-year wish at the Yule Log. Red Butte Garden, 300 Wakara Way, 801-585-0556, Dec. 16, 9 a.m.-noon, regular admission plus $3, redbuttegarden.org Utah Symphony: Here Comes Santa Claus! In this annual family-friendly event—under an hour in length, so no worries about kids getting squirmy, plus a very affordable price—the musicians of the Utah Symphony delight visitors with a program of seasonal favorites. There’s even a chance for singing along with some beloved carols, before a certain jolly old elf visits for the finale. Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple, 801-355-2787, Dec. 16, 11 a.m. & 12:30 p.m., $8-$22, artsaltlake.org A Drag Queen Christmas Contestants from the popular VH-1 series RuPaul’s Drag Race—overseen by host Trinity Taylor—perform live on stage, bringing fabulousness to the catwalk and joy to your heart, including performances of favorite holiday songs. VIP meet-and-greet is available for those wanting an extraspecial experience. Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, 801-355-2787, Dec. 17, 8 p.m., $50-$150, dragfans.com 2017 Christmas Carole Sing-Along The Miller family—owners of the Utah Jazz—gives back to the community with this annual free event. The West Valley Symphony of Utah and One Voice Children’s Choir lead the entertainment, but everyone is invited to sing along with the songs you know by heart. And every attendee gets a special treat and gift bag. Vivint SmartHome Arena, 301 S. Temple, Dec. 18, 7 p.m., free, vivintarena.com CW

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COMPLETE LISTINGS ONLINE AT CITYWEEKLY.NET

Local artist David N. LeCheminant presents abstract reclaimed-wood sculptures inspired by his wanderings through different Utah environments in Morning Walk at Gallery at Library Square (210 E. 400 South, slcpl.org), through Jan. 5, 2018.

PERFORMANCE THEATER

DANCE

CLASSICAL & SYMPHONY

DECEMBER 14, 2017 | 21

Gabriel Iglesias: Fluffymania Vivint SmartHome Arena, 301 W. South Temple, Dec. 16, 8 p.m, vivintarena.com (see p. 19) Jacob Leigh Wiseguys Jordan Landing, 3763 W. Center Park Drive, West Jordan, Dec. 15, 8 p.m., 21+, wiseguyscomedy.com Justin Willman Wiseguys SLC, 194 S. 400 West, through Dec. 17, times vary, 21+, wiseguyscomedy.com Shawn Paulsen Wiseguys Ogden, 269 25th St., Dec. 15-16, 8 p.m., 21+, wiseguyscomedy.com Shayne Smith Wiseguys Jordan Landing, 3763 W. Center Park Drive, Dec. 16., 8 p.m., 21+

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COMEDY & IMPROV

A Broadway Christmas with Brian Stokes Mitchell Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple, Dec. 15-16, 7:30 p.m., usuo.org An English Country Christmas Cathedral Church of St. Mark, 231 E. 100 South, Dec. 16, 8 p.m.; Dec. 17., 5 p.m., utopiaearlymusic.org Here Comes Santa Claus! Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple, Dec. 16, 11 a.m. & 12:30 p.m., artsaltlake.org (see p. 20) Joy to the World Abravanel Hall 123 W. South Temple, Dec. 18., 8 p.m., artsaltlake.org Tales of Snow and Wonder Libby Gardner Hall, 1375 E. Presidents Circle, Dec. 16., 7:30 p.m., saltlakesymphony.org

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Ballet West: The Nutcracker Capitol Theatre, 50 W. 200 South, through Dec. 30, dates and times vary, balletwest.org Momix: Opus Cactus Eccles Center, 1750 Kearns Blvd., Park City, Dec. 16, 7:30 p.m., ecclescenter.org (see p. 19) Odyssey Dance Theatre: The Redux NUT-Cracker Kingsbury Hall, 1395 E. Presidents Circle, through Dec. 23, times vary, tickets.utah.edu (see p. 20) Utah Metropolitan Ballet: The Nutcracker Covey Center for the Arts, 425 W. Center St., Provo, through Dec. 20, utahmetropolitanballet.org

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Aida Hale Center Theater, 3333 S. Decker Lake Drive, West Valley City, through Jan. 20, times vary, hit.org Annie Empress Theatre, 9104 W. 2700 South, Magna, through Dec. 23, dates and times vary, empresstheatre.com The Best Christmas Pageant Ever CenterPoint Legacy Theatre, 525 N. 400 West, Centerville, 801-298-1302, through Dec. 16, ThursdaySaturday, 7 p.m., centerpointtheatre.com A Christmas Carol The Musical Center Point Legacy Theatre, 525 N. 400 West, Centerville, 801-298-1302, through Dec. 23, times vary, centerpointtheatre.org A Christmas Carol Hale Center Theater, 225 W. 400 North, Orem, through Dec. 23, dates and times vary, haletheater.org (see p. 20) A Christmas Carol Heritage Theatre, 2505 S. Highway 89, Perry, 435-723-8392, through Dec. 15, heritagetheatreutah.com Christmas Vacation: The Polarized Express Desert Star Theatre, 4861 S. State, Murray, 801-266-2600, through Dec. 30, desertstar.biz A Fairly Potter Christmas Carol The Ziegfeld Theater, 3934 Washington Blvd., Ogden, through Dec. 23, times vary, theziegfeldtheater.com Forever Plaid: Plaid Tidings Covey Center for the Arts, 425 W. Center St., Provo, through Dec. 23, times vary, coveycenter.org The Little Prince The Art Factory, 211 W. 2100 South, through Dec. 23, Friday-Saturday, 7:30 p.m., sackerson.org Newsies Pioneer Memorial Theatre, 300 S. 1400 East, 801-581-6961, through Dec. 20, dates and times vary, pioneertheatre.org Odettes for the Holidays Good Company Theatre, 2404 Wall Ave., Ogden, through Dec. 23, goodcotheatre.com Star Ward Christmas Off Broadway Theatre, 272 S. Main, 801-355-4628, through Dec. 23, 7:30 p.m., theobt.org This Bird of Dawning Regent Street Black Box, 131 S. Main, Dec. 15-16, times vary, artsaltlake.org (see p. 19)

The True Story of the 3 Little Pigs Salt Lake Acting Co., 168 W. 500 North, through Dec. 29, dates and times vary, saltlakeactingcompany.org

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moreESSENTIALS

LITERATURE AUTHOR APPEARANCES

Blake Spalding & Jen Castle: This Immeasurable Place The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, 801-484-9100, Dec. 16, 7 p.m., kingsenglish.com Lezlie Evans: Finding Christmas The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, 801-4849100, Dec. 16, 2 p.m., kingsenglish.com Sonya Cotton & Gabe Dominguez: Tiny Home The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, 801-484-9100, Dec. 17, 2 p.m., kingsenglish.com

t n i a E

p LIF R n ls RT FO

e x pi

m o .c

SPECIAL EVENTS FARMERS MARKETS

Rio Grande Winter Market Rio Grande Depot, 300 S. Rio Grande St., through April 21, Saturdays, 10 a.m.-2 p.m., slcfarmersmarket.org Salt & Honey Christmas Makers Market Gateway Mall Legacy Plaza, 12 N. Rio Grande St., 801-554-6440, through Dec. 16, times and dates vary, saltandhoneymarket.com

FESTIVALS & FAIRS

Winter Solstice Celebration Red Butte Garden 300 Wakara Way, Dec. 16, 9-12 p.m., redbuttegarden.org (see p. 20)

A

TALKS & LECTURES

Scientist in the Spotlight: Behavioral Genetics Natural History Museum of Utah, 301 Wakara Way, 801-581-6927, Dec. 15, 2-4 p.m., nhmu.utah.edu

Racist Kramer's 6th Annual

Friendsmas Eve A night of acoustic and electric covers of punk rock classics

FULL-BAND SETS FROM

Fail to Follow Galagher I'm a Monster! and Racist Kramer

ACOUSTIC SETS FROM

Matt Chiodo James Peterson and CJ Coop

SAT, DECEMBER 23 AT URBAN LOUNGE Doors at 8:00 Free admission no cover, 21+

Raffle to benefit the United Way, lots of prizes including a new Telecaster guitar, a snowboard, tattoo gift certificates and lots more

SEASONAL EVENTS

2017 Christmas Carol Sing-Along Vivint SmartHome Arena, 301 W. South Temple, Dec. 18, 7 p.m, vivintarena.com (see p. 20) A Drag Queen Christmas Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, Dec. 17, 8 p.m., dragfans.com (see p. 20) Christmas in Color Provo Towne Center, 1200 Towne Center Blvd., Provo, through Dec. 30, Monday-Thursday, 5:30 p.m.-10 p.m.; FridaySaturday, 5:30 p.m.-11 p.m., christmasincolor.net Christmas in Color Salt Lake Equestrian Park, 2100 W. 11400 South, South Jordan, through Dec. 30, times and dates vary, christmasincolor.net Christmas in the Wizarding World The Shops at South Town, 10450 S. State, Sandy, through Jan. 31, shopsatsouthtown.com Dickens Christmas Ball Viridian Center, 8030 S. 1825 West, West Jordan, Dec. 14, 7-10 p.m., oldgloryvintagedancers.com (see p. 20) The Grinch Steals the Museum Discovery Gateway, 444 W. 100 South, 801-456-5437, Dec. 14, 11 a.m.- 5 p.m., discoverygateway.org Hanukkah Menorah Lighting Snowbird Resort, Highway 210, Snowbird, through Dec. 19, 5 p.m., snowbird.com (see p. 20) Luminaria: Experience the Light Thanksgiving Point, 3003 N. Thanksgiving Way, Lehi, through Dec. 30, thanksgivingpoint.org Miracle on 34th Street Scera Center for the Arts, 745 S. State, Orem, 801-255-2787, through Dec. 16, scera.org (see p. 20) Park City Holiday Spectacular Egyptian Theatre, 328 Main, Park City, 435-6499371, Dec. 14-16, 7:30 p.m.; Dec. 17, 6 p.m., parkcityshows.com

COMPLETE LISTINGS ONLINE AT CITYWEEKLY.NET

Trees of Diversity 2017 Utah Cultural Celebration Center, 1355 W. 3100 South, West Valley, through Dec. 30., culturalcelebration.org ZooLights Hogle Zoo, 2600 Sunnyside Ave., through Dec. 31, hoglezoo.org

VISUAL ART GALLERIES & MUSEUMS

14th Annual Glass Art Show Red Butte Garden 300 Wakara Way, through Dec. 17, redbuttegarden.org 34th Annual Holiday Craft Market Finch Lane Gallery, 1340 E. 100 South, through Dec. 19, saltlakearts.org Annual Statewide Juried Exhibition Rio Gallery, 300 S. Rio Grande St., through Jan. 12, heritage.utah.gov Artist/Dad Alice Gallery, 617 E. South Temple, through Jan. 12, heritage.utah.gov Bob Hope: An American Treasure Utah Cultural Celebration Center, 1355 W. 3100 South, West Valley City, through April 28, culturalcelebration.org (see p. 19) Carol Sogard: Artifacts for the 23rd Century UMOCA, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through Jan. 13, utahmoca.org Cities of Conviction UMOCA, 20 S. West Temple, through Jan. 6, utahmoca.org Cookie Allred: The Color of Places Corinne and Jack Sweet Library, 455 F St., 801-594-8651, through Dec. 20, slcpl.org David N. LeCheminant: Morning Walk Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801-524-8200, through Jan. 5, slcpl.org (see p. 21) Drew Grella: I Would Rather Wear a Cape Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801-524-8200, through Jan. 5, slcpl.org Go West! Art of the American Frontier from the Buffalo Bill Center of the West Utah Museum of Fine Arts, 410 Campus Center Drive, through March 11, umfa.utah.edu Holiday Group Exhibit Art Access Gallery, 230 S. 500 West, No. 125, through Dec. 15, accessart.org (see p. 20) Holiday Group Show David Ericson Fine Art, 418 S. 200 West, through Dec. 15, davidericson-fineart.com Ilse Bing Utah Museum of Fine Arts, 410 Campus Center Drive, through Dec. 31, umfa.utah.edu Jerry Hardesty: Doublespeak Marmalade Library, 280 W. 500 North, 801-594-8680, through Dec. 29, slcpl.org Joseph Paul Vorst: A Retrospective LDS Church History Museum, 45 N. West Temple, through April 15, history.lds.org Karen Horne: Ballet To Tango Exploring the Art of Dance Horne Fine Art, 142 E. 800 South, 801-533-4200, through Dec. 23, hornefineart.com Katie Paterson: salt 13 Utah Museum of Fine Arts, 410 Campus Center Drive, 801-581-7332, through May 20, umfa.utah.edu Kristina Lenzi: Alien Matters Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801-524-8200, through Jan. 5., slcpl.org Las Hermanas Iglesias: Here, Here Utah Museum of Fine Arts, 410 Campus Center Drive, 801-581-7332, through Jan. 28, umfa.utah.edu Lesly Abalos-Ambriz: 24: Is this Lesly?

Chapman Library, 577 S. 900 West, 801-5948623, through Dec. 27, slcpl.org Sarah Malakoff: Second Nature Granary Art Center, 86 N. Main, Ephraim, through Jan. 26, granaryartcenter.org

Flavor on the Western Front

Nomad Eatery ups the ante for off-airport eats.

W

LUNCH • DINNER • COCKTAILS

18 MARKET STREET • 801.519.9595

DECEMBER 14, 2017 | 23

2110 W. North Temple 801-938-9629 nomad-eatery.com

Contemporary Japanese Dining

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NOMAD EATERY

GIFT CERTIFICATES AVAILABLE!

on the right side where you can belly up for beer, wine or cocktails and a nosh.

Sandwiches and pizzas are the mainstays of the Nomad menu. I’ve tried most of them, and can proclaim them uniformly excellent. The pizzas start with a very good, rustic dough base and crust that is particularly highlighted in the simple Margherita ($10). A light tomato sauce, fresh mozzarella, basil, extra-virgin olive oil and Grana Padano cheese are all the components required to create an outstanding pizza. I also loved The Meats ($12) pizza, with housemade Italian sausage, caramelized onion, oregano, spicy Creminelli calabrese and Grana Padano.

One of my father’s favorite foods was a fried bologna sandwich. I never quite developed a love for it, so it took a bit of armtwisting and salesmanship by Nomad manager David Miller to get me to try the fried mortadella sandwich ($10). I’m glad he was persistent, because it’s astonishingly satisfying, and has even become my petite wife’s favorite sandwich. It’s fried mortadella on a Kaiser-style bun with American cheese, French dressing, shredded lettuce, zucchini pickle and a side of really tasty salt-and-vinegar chips. The housemade potato chips are light and crispy, with a subtle dusting of malt vinegar powder; I could eats piles of them.

Ditto the french fries—double-fried, perfectly cooked, thin-cut fries (think McDonald’s size) that are remarkable. Enjoy them with the excellent smoked turkey sandwich ($10), consisting of house-smoked turkey breast with zippy black bean hummus, Fritos (yep, the real things), Monterey Jack cheese, pickled red onion and bacon aioli on a wheat roll.

The incredibly talented Alexa Norlin is in charge of desserts and, along with her softserve ice cream and faultless ice cream sundae, you’ve gotta try her Choco Taco ($7)—Norlin’s artisan cinnamon ice cream in a chocolate waffle cone.

For would-be nomads and other adventurers, Nomad Eatery justifies the call to “Go West, young man! (and woman).” CW

| MUSIC | CINEMA | DINING | A&E | NEWS |

hen someone mentions “eating near the airport”—Salt Lake City International Airport, that is— one place generally comes to mind: Red Iguana. Well, move over, because there’s a new off-airport restaurant in town, and it’s worth a drive west whether your journey is travel-related or not. In fact, given its easy access—about five minutes from downtown SLC—and plentiful free parking, Nomad Eatery is a terrific dining destination for any time and occasion. I think it’s going to quickly become one of the hip new spots to chow down away from downtown.

Nomad chef/owner Justin Soelberg calls his eatery a “fast-casual diner,” but you should immediately banish any preconceived notions you have about fast food before visiting. It couldn’t be more un-franchise-like in ambiance and culinary offerings. The “fast” aspect is that customers order and pay in advance at the counter, and their food is delivered to their tables. Service is pretty quick, but all dishes are cooked to order—not sitting beneath a heat lamp.

Soelberg—who studied at the French Culinary Institute in New York City, and more recently was executive chef at Avenues Proper and created Proper Burger— has crafted an eclectic menu in an eclectic space. The restaurant was formerly home to a place I reviewed a year or so ago, called Basilico. Aside from the original pizza oven, however, no trace of the former occupant exists. The once-dark space is now airy and inviting, with lots of reclaimed wood and a contemporary, but comfortable, look and feel. There’s a bar

Nomad Eatery’s fried mortadella sandwich.

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BY TED SCHEFFLER comments@cityweekly.net @critic1

DAVID MILLER

DINE

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24 | DECEMBER 14, 2017

FOOD MATTERS

MAKE YOUR RESERVATIONS

BY ALEX SPRINGER @captainspringer

THE

On our website FIVEALLS.COM OR CALL US AT

DEREK CARILSLE

801.582.1400

Leo Libations

As part of the Leonardo’s monthly wineand-food series, December’s Libations at the Leonardo presents a menu of creative takes on traditional holiday dishes.

Sommelier and owner of the Wine Academy of Utah Jim Santangelo also offers thoughtful wine pairings for each dish.

Attendees can expect to be treated to multiple courses of high-end cuisine set against the backdrop of one of the state’s finest contemporary museums. Mark your calendars for Thursday, Dec. 14, 6-8 p.m. Tickets start at $55 and guests can add the wine pairing for an additional $20. More at theleonardo.org.

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Under Current Brandy Class

For those who think of brandy as more than just a hit song by 1970s soft rock quartet Looking Glass, Under Current Bar has one hell of an event in store.

House mixologists share their spirited expertise on brandy in all of its forms, including cognac, Armagnac and pisco.

Each tasting is thoughtfully paired with gourmet morsels provided by Alan Brines of Current Fish & Oyster. No specifics regarding the final menu were available at press time, but rumor has it classically prepared eggnog might make an appearance. The event takes place on Saturday, Dec. 16 from 2-4 p.m.

Tickets are $55; call 801-574-2556 or visit undercurrentbar.com to RSVP.

Award Winning Donuts

705 S. 700 E. | (801) 537-1433

Chicken In, Chicken Out

Many downtown denizens mourned SoCo Kitchen’s closure earlier this summer. Succumbing to the ever-fickle market, the Main Street purveyor of Southern eats left a noticeable comfort cooking void. Those in the mood for some downhome grub should rejoice, however, as Pretty Bird, Chef Viet Pham’s Nashville-inspired casual eatery, is set to open its Regent Street doors by year’s end. The move is sure to give the Eccles Theater crowd—and anyone hankering for a hot-chicken fix, for that matter— reason to clucking celebrate.

Quote of the Week: “The best comfort food will always be greens, cornbread and fried chicken.”

—Maya Angelou

Food Matters tips: comments@cityweekly.net

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‘Tis the season for Yuletide ales.

BY MIKE RIEDEL comments@cityweekly.net @utahbeer

D

uring the holidays, an ocean of ales and lagers playing on unique seasonal culinary themes and flavors flood the beer-nerd universe. This week, I had the pleasure of seeking out some of the best holiday offerings from local breweries, and found three very different examples of Yule for your glass.

Hoppers The First SnoAle: This highpoint offering pours a deep burnt orange color, with a luxurious amount of fluffy off-white foam that settles at the top—it looks outstanding. An earthy and fruity nose welcome you as you start from the top; pear, peach, bread and some herbal hops are most noticeable. The fruits aren’t candy-like, and complement the bready aromas. Semi-sweet cake and malt start us off upon first swig; peppery yeast and some

banana notes in the back become more assertive, and intertwine with the fruitcake backbone of the beer. For all of the toothsome things happening here, it has only mild sweetness. The end is a little more rounded, as hop bitterness dries out the finish.

Overall: This is one of my favorite offerings from Hoppers. The use of their French Ale strain produces a complex ale that hides the beer’s warming 8.1 percent ABV very well. The First SnoAle is in limited supply, and can only be found at Hoppers brew pub in Midvale.

Red Rock Holiday Ale: This ale has a pleasant copper color that’s as deep as it is clear. As you would hope, this holiday ale is rich with cinnamon, clove and ginger aromas—definitely a winter beer. Cinnamon pops right out of the gate as I take my first swig. The beer’s toffee-like malts move in to put out that spice fire with the help of citrus peel and ginger. Though this is a spice-heav y ale, the selection of seasonings keeps its pricklier aspects at bay. The end is a combo of spicy hops and clove that wraps this present up in a nice bow.

Overall: Given the variety of flavors present in this beer, it drinks fairly light. It’s one of those holiday beers that beer nerds and non-beer nerds alike can groove on. Its 4 percent ABV is gives you the gift of a level head, while the flavor pleases your tongue. This seasonal concoction is only available at Red Rock locations and Harmons grocery stores.

MIKE RIEDEL

Cheer in My Beer

BEER NERD

Roosters Holiday Rosemary Porter: The color is dark ebony, with a head that resembles sandstone. Rosemary is front and center on the nose, and you have to dig a bit to get the more roasted components of the malt, but once you find them, light cocoa and coffee notes shine. The flavor is a different story, as roasted malts and cocoa start off the show. Some caramel from the beer’s base also pops up, adding balance.

At mid-point, the rosemary becomes more prominent, taking over along with a dose of herbal bitterness that perfectly complements the hop character of this beer.

Rating: I was surprised at how well the rosemary interacted with the porter’s more roasted components. It imparts a woody, tobacco-like quality that is broad and lingering. It’s definitely one of the more out-of-the-box holiday brews that you’ll find locally. This 4 percent beer is available at Roosters location and various grocery stores along the Wasatch Front.

All of these and other holiday beers are around through the end of the year. Take full advantage of them while they’re here.

As always, cheers! CW

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DEREK CARLISLE

REVIEW BITES A sample of our critic’s reviews

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Celeste Ristorante’s gnocchi al granchio

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That chef Paulo Celeste—formerly of Il Giardino and Michelangelo—has returned to Salt Lake City to run his own restaurant makes me believe there’s a God who watches over food lovers. The menu is set up in classic Italian style, with soups and salads, antipasti, pastas and secondi (meat and fish/seafood dishes), plus a small but adequate wine list. My favorite appetizer is the carpaccio di manzo ($12)—a generous serving of thinly sliced rounds of seared top sirloin topped with watercress, baby artichoke, shaved Parmigiano-Reggiano and a simple dressing of extra virgin olive oil and lemon.

The gnocchi al granchio ($20) showcases the chef’s light-and-airy gnocchi in a silky pink tomato-cream sauce with lump crab meat, easily the most memorable gnocchi dish I’ve ever enjoyed. The pasta is made in-house, and even the bread served with the restaurant’s own brand of EVOO and balsamic is house-baked. Tagliata alla rucola ($25) is a large serving of grilled, sliced New York steak with nothing more than an olive oil and lemon dressing to enhance the flavor of the meat, accompanied by arugula and grape tomatoes topped with shaved Parmesan, and is extraordinary in its simplicity.

Reviewed Nov. 2. 5468 S. 900 East, Murray, 801-290-2913, celesteristorante.com

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FILM REVIEW

GuillermoMo’-Mo’

CINEMA

The Shape of Water is a victim of its creator’s limitless imagination.

BY SCOTT RENSHAW scottr@cityweekly.net @scottrenshaw FOX SEARCHLIGHT FILMS

S

Sally Hawkins and Doug Jones in The Shape of Water Temple/Bill “Bojangles” Robinson dance from The Little Colonel to the harsh realities of civil rights protests on the news. You can practically feel the enthusiasm for all the things del Toro and co-screenwriter Vanessa Taylor wanted to do in this one movie, without a sense for how many of them would create a well-intentioned mess.

It’s no surprise to find that there are innumerable wonderfully strange details throughout a Guillermo del Toro movie, from Shannon simmering his way through a classic Shannon-esque performance with two severed-then-reattached fingers slowly putrefying, to Elisa’s hand signs explaining to Zelda how the creature’s, um, physiology works. Considering the fact that the plot— as Elisa attempts to rescue the creature from the scientists and free him—is kind of a sexed-up version of E.T., it’s often very simply satisfying. Then it gets not-so-simple, and The Shape of Water becomes yet another example of what happens when a filmmaker with limitless imagination doesn’t take a moment to understand his limits. CW

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Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954) Richard Carlson Julia Adams NR

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BB.5 Sally Hawkins Michael Shannon Doug Jones Rated R

Don’t let

THE SHAPE OF WATER

Friends

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the romantic connection between Elisa and the mer-man might be, Hawkins sells it with a beautiful physical performance, her open face conveying someone desperate to emerge from an isolated routine of hard-boiling eggs for her dinner, masturbating, polishing her shoes and catching the bus to work.

That connection is part of some much bigger notions The Shape of Water explores about the outsiders in mainstream American society. Elisa’s neighbor and best friend, Giles (Richard Jenkins), is a struggling commercial artist whose history with alcoholism seems to be connected to being a closeted gay man. Black patrons are turned away from a diner counter. A meeting between Strickland, Elisa and her African-American co-worker Zelda (Octavia Spencer) ends with his snide comment about people being made in God’s image, “but more mine than yours.” It’s a pretty ambitious way to approach a story that’s already pretty weird: turn it into a meditation on who we treat as less than human, and why.

Unfortunately, it gets weirder still, and not necessarily in a good way. Also among the employees at the research facility is a scientist (Michael Stuhlbarg) who is also a Russian spy, but finds his loyalty shifting when he’s asked to kill the creature rather than allow the Americans to study it. Then there’s the way del Toro basks in the escapism of old movies—which is charming when it becomes a black-and-white fantasy where Elisa has a voice and dances with the creature, but kind of awkward when Giles prefers the Shirley

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ome corners of a film critic’s world are lonely ones. Then there is this solitary outpost: Whatever nutrient it is that makes people raving fans of Guillermo del Toro movies, I clearly have a deficiency.

There’s no pleasure to be taken in such a position. All evidence suggests that he’s a wonderful person, an enthusiastic advocate for the art he loves and a visual stylist with a seemingly limitless imagination.

His movies are almost always good, but their potential to be great feels thwarted by making storytelling decisions based on what is likely to look coolest, rather than what makes the most sense.

In The Shape of Water, del Toro sets out to craft one of his most thematically ambitious narratives, and can’t always keep his various ideas afloat at the same time. Set in Kennedy-era 1960s Baltimore, it centers on Elisa Esposito (Sally Hawkins), a mute woman living above a movie theater and working as a night-shift cleaning woman at a government research facility. Into that facility, a hardnosed operative named Strickland (Michael Shannon) brings something they refer to simply as “the asset”—an amphibious being (Doug Jones, accustomed to wearing alien latex for del Toro movies) who vaguely resembles the Creature from the Black Lagoon.

While the scientists and military officers treat the creature as a potential for scientific breakthrough—maybe for space travel, to get back ahead of the Soviets—Elisa begins connecting with it emotionally.

The fairy-tale nature of the story perhaps excuses the idea that the hired help would be allowed to hang out with the most important scientific discovery of the century.

That’s a fanciful tone del Toro sets right from the opening credits, portraying a murky underwater version of our world. As bizarre as

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CINEMA CLIPS MOVIE TIMES AND LOCATIONS AT CITYWEEKLY.NET

NEW THIS WEEK Information is correct at press time. Film release schedules are subject to change.

FERDINAND BB.5 It’s easy to see how this could have been emotionally richer—so it feels like a let-down when the focus is on goofy slapstick. Loosely inspired by the classic picture book, it follows a gentle, flowerloving bull named Ferdinand (John Cena) whose happy life with a young girl is turned upside-down when he’s returned to the farm where he grew up, raised for the bullfights of Madrid. Director Carlos Saldanha (Ice Age) and company throw in a handful of lively supporting characters, including a goat (Kate McKinnon) and a trio of hedgehogs, filling the story with plenty of chases, escapes, rescues and other high-energy action. It’s all good for a few laughs, but there’s not much more to it than that, even though Ferdinand’s rivalry with another, more aggressive bull (Bobby Cannavale) seems like the beginning of a kid-friendly exploration of toxic mas-cow-linity. Ultimately, Ferdinand himself is a blandly nice protagonist, albeit one who sticks admirably to his pacifist principles, in a story that shoves aside much of its deeper meaning to go for the Looney Tunes gusto. Opens Dec. 15 at theaters valleywide. (PG)—Scott Renshaw

THE SHAPE OF WATER BB.5 See review on p. 29. Opens Dec. 15 at Broadway Ctr. Cinemas. (R) STAR WARS: EPISODE VIII – THE LAST JEDI [not yet reviewed] Luke back, in anger. Opens Dec. 15 at theaters valleywide. (PG-13) WONDER WHEEL B.5 Dealing with Woody Allen’s movies in light of his sordid personal life might be more complicated if the new ones weren’t generally self-plagiarizing crap. Here, he flips his creative coin and comes up “moral drama,” for a story set at 1950s Coney Island and focused on an awkward romantic square: waitress Ginny (Kate Winslet); Ginny’s husband, Humpty (Jim Belushi); Carolina (Juno Temple), Humpty’s estranged daughter from his first marriage, who’s on the run from the mob; and lifeguard Mickey (Justin Timberlake), with whom Ginny is having an affair. Mickey also narrates the story as Allen’s usual surrogate, a would-be playwright whose point of view is presented as a pre-emptive excuse for storytelling nonsense. Indeed, virtually every utterance is bluntly declaratory, although cinematographer Vittorio Storaro’s stunning lighting at least makes it easier to watch the actors say ridiculous things.

Worst of all, it turns one guy’s pursuit of his romantic partner’s

sort-of-daughter into a referendum on her sanity, as Winslet’s pathetic character practically goes full Miss Havisham. Funny how Allen still seems to have a lot to say about other people’s guilt.

Opens Dec. 15 at theaters valleywide. (PG-13)—SR

SPECIAL SCREENINGS HAPPENING: A CLEAN ENERGY REVOLUTION At Rose Wagner Center, Dec. 14, 7 p.m. (NR) NO DRESS CODE REQUIRED At Main Library, Dec. 19, 7 p.m. (NR) THE SQUARE At Park City Film Series, Dec. 15-16, 8 p.m.; Dec. 17, 6 p.m. (R)

CURRENT RELEASES

THE DISASTER ARTIST BBB.5 It requires no familiarity with the infamous 2003 drama The Room for director James Franco’s version to be delightful. Based on Greg Sestero’s memoir, it chronicles the friendship between aspiring actor Sestero (Dave Franco) and enigmatic Tommy Wiseau (James Franco), who eventually writes, finances and directs The Room for them to star in. James embodies the sheer alienness of Wiseau in a performance that’s more interesting than a grand act of impersonation, while the savvy structure of the screenplay emphasizes the buddy dynamic that makes use of the Franco brothers’ natural chemistry. It all builds to set pieces re-creating many of The Room’s most hilariously legendary scenes, emphasizing Wiseau’s undeniable—albeit misguided—vision. The Disaster Artist is best not at emphasizing re-creation, but honoring a work that was like absolutely nothing else. (R)—SR

JUST GETTING STARTED B Writer/director Ron Shelton’s comedies (Bull Durham, Tin Cup) have always been shaggy and discursive, but never before has his work felt this lazy. In a Palm Springs retirement community, property manager Duke (Morgan Freeman) finds his alpha-dog position challenged by new arrival Leo (Tommy Lee Jones)—and oh, apparently also Duke is a mob informant in witness protection whose identity has just been discovered. That last part feels almost tacked-on in post-production, including a role for Jane Seymour hamming her way through a Carmela Soprano impression in scenes where she literally never interacts with another person. Indeed, the whole thing feels like a waste of everyone’s time, with antagonist-turned-buddy shenanigans so haphazardly considered that a golf showdown is employed two separate times. If you can’t figure out how to make Freeman and Jones interesting together, you shouldn’t be making movies.

(PG-13)—SR

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Xmas Jams 2017

For behold, a special playlist to break up the monotony of recycled standards.

BY RANDY HARWARD rharward@cityweekly.net

I

t’s that time of year again when, everywhere you go, you hear the same old holiday music over and over again—the standards you know by heart, ones you’ve heard since you were knee-high to an elf. They’re regurgitated ad nauseam by pop stars, country acts and torch singers, often with no discernible effort to make their versions stand out from the rest. They say the same things, the same way, every year, until the songs are just reminders that we still have a ton of crap to buy and not enough money to do it.

So, if all you want for Christmas-Hanukkah-Kwanzaa-FestivusSolstice-whatever is a break from that aural tradition, I got you.

Rudy Ray Moore, “Night Before Christmas, Part 1” from This Ain’t No White Christmas! (Norton, 2001): OK, gather around the campfire and let party-album comedian Rudy Ray Moore—aka Dolemite, muthafucka!—tell you a little story. “Ho-ho-ho! From the North to the South Pole, you know it’s awful damned cold. But I gotta get outta here and take these presents to all these bad muthafuckas that I know. Rudolph, wit’ your nose so red, come on over here and pull this muthafuckin’ sled!”

Vulfpeck, “Christmas in L.A.” from Thrill of the Arts (Vulf, 2015): Contrary to popular belief, Vulfpeck isn’t a phonetically spelled German pronunciation of “wolfpack.” Like some foreign words, it doesn’t translate directly to English. It signifies a vibe, an unrelenting joy that is best described by referencing a sound— namely, that of the Jackson 5 (see “ABC,” “The Love You Save”).

Cross that with Christmas cheer, and you can almost hear this song without clicking “play.” (P.S. I made up that German jazz.)

The Rodeo Boys, “GHB in the Eggnog” (single, 2004): As of press time, it’s less than a week since these beloved indie rockers reunited for a one-off show and we all got blissfully ’faced for the occasion. This is an unreleased tune I discovered on YouTube as part of an old holiday special by local TV show 3.2 Percent. Don’t worry—it’s not as rape-y as it sounds: “They put GHB in the eggnog/ she got high/ and I passed out/ I woke up in the driveway/ under the car/ with my pants pulled down.”

Meshugga Beach Party, “Hot Rod Hanukkah” from Hot Rod Hanukkah (Halakahiki, 2011): Do your Jewish buddies ever re-

mind you that their holiday lasts for eight days, all of which include gifts? You know, while we goyim blow our wads on a single day and ride around in our fakakta sleighs while they burn rubber and candles in their Menorah GT with the 440 engine en route to shtup a nice girl in the tuches? No? Mine don’t, either. It’s probably not a thing. But this happy little ’50s-inspired surf number will make you shep naches. (Look it up.)

David Hasselhoff, “Feliz Navidad” from The Night Before Christmas (Shock, 2004): No disrespect to the great guitar hero and songwriter José Feliciano, but this might be the best version of this song—because of the corny funk that Hasselhoff lends to the tune while singing in a perfect accent but still sounding hopelessly white bread.

Gwar, “Stripper Christmas Summer Weekend” (single, Slavepit, 2009): It shouldn’t be surprising that Gwar, the Scumdogs of the Universe, would make a cock-rock song—late frontmonster Oderus Urungus did wear a huge fishy dong, after all.

But this isn’t just an arena-rock anthem; it verges on the kind of beachy power pop you’d hear in ’80s titty-comedies. That’s a surprise, since most of Gwar’s music sounds like combat ambience.

But it’s damned fun, and Dr. Oz says there’s nothing like summer mammaries to stave off Seasonal Affective Disorder.

Robert Lund & Spaff.com, “Make Christmas White Again” (single, thefump.com, 2017): They’re not lamenting an increasingly toasty planet and consequent lack of snow. This brand-new single from Utah’s premier parodists tweaks “Winter Wonderland” to suit the Trump administration and the mouth-breathing true believers who love them and fear anyone whose veins aren’t visible through their skin.

The Soul of John Black, “Santa Claus Needs Some Lovin’” from The Soul of Christmas (Yellow Dog, 2011): TSOJB main man John Bigham brings some funk to Albert King’s Christmas classic, which says what many of us have always wondered: Santa’s a grown man with needs. And with a doting wife like Mrs. Claus, he surely doesn’t want for cookies. Are you sure he didn’t ask for milk and nookie?”

Palace of Buddies, “Dammit Baby, Merry Christmas” from Summertimes (palaceofbuddies.bandcamp.com, 2011): This track by local duo Timothy Myers and Nick Foster—opening for Birthquake Dec. 14 at Metro Music Hall (615 W. 100 South, metromusichall.com)—is a sweet, dreamy recollection of falling in love while holiday shopping: “She looked me in the eyes/ and I could not accuse her/ as she asked me what my name was/ I totally dismissed that/ she had screwed me out of three whole dollars.” I defy anyone not to wish desperately to know what magical, radiant beauty would cause you to forgive something like that. I mean, three bucks is three bucks. CW

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NFL ACTION LUMPYS OPEN JAM-8PM

KARAOKE MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL-75¢ WINGS ALL DAY

saturdays

MUSIC PROVIDED BY 9021YO! RAFFLE, GIVEAWAYS, YES WE ARE A DROP FOR TOYS FOR TOTS AND ARE ALREADY ACCEPTING DONATIONS

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MNF WED

SCANDALOUS SATURDAY’S W/ DJ LOGIK

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$1 TACOS, SQUARES BOARD, GIVE AWAYS

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EAT AT SUE’S! YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD BAR · FREE GAME ROOM, AS ALWAYS!

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BREAKING BINGO $3000 POT-8PM

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$3 FIREBALLS-

SUE FOR SANTA TOY DRIVE FOR TOYS FOR TOTS

COLLEGE NIGHT FREE CORN HOLE & BEER PONG-$2 COORS & BUD DRAFTS

FRI SAT SUN FUN

2014

CHRISTIAN COLEMAN BLUE ZEN BAND

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d ken Wee h Until nc Bru

STATE live music

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AS ALWAYS, NO COVER!

32 Exchange Place • 801-322-3200 www.twistslc.com • 11:00am - 1:00am

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BY RANDY HARWARD

WEDNESDAY-FRIDAY 12/13-15 Tom Petty Tribute Nights

As you might have read in City Weekly’s Music Monday blog, local bluesman extraordinaire Tony Holiday is doing booking for The Acoustic Space at The Gateway. Some of his first bookings pay tribute to the great Tom Petty—whose loss still stings, even after two months. Initially, there were only two shows: one on Thursday featuring Royal Bliss and another on Friday, where a slew of talented local musicians pay their musical respects.

The RB show sold out fast, though, so Holiday booked them

Lady Gaga

CONDIE PAUL

LIVE

THIS WEEK’S MUSIC PICKS Royal Bliss

for Wednesday night as well. He says that one’s selling quickly, and so is Friday night, which features Talia Keys in the one-off band The Petty Bitches, as well as the Wayne Hoskins Band and a few other pickup groups staffed by local musicians like Zach Griffen, Brooke Macintosh, Brandon Barker (Simply B., SuperBubble), JT Draper, Hilary McDaniel (Canyons, Please Be Human, Palodine), Michelle Moonshine and others. Since the venue is all-ages, this is a great chance for younger fans to see local acts that almost always plays bars—not to mention get better acquainted with Petty’s music and influence. May he jangle in peace. The Acoustic Space at The Gateway, 124 S. 400 West, Wednesday & Thursday, 8 p.m.; Friday, 9 p.m., $15, all ages, theacousticspace.com

THURSDAY 12/14 Lady Gaga

PROACGUY1 VIA WIKIMEDIA COMMONS

34 | DECEMBER 14, 2017

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Once in a while, a pop superstar is more than manufactured, assembly-line dreck.

So where does Stefani Joanne Angelina “Lady Gaga” Germanotta fall? Is she fab or pre-fab? Let’s go with a little of both, but strongly leaning toward the former. After all, she’s certainly original. Who else would drape themselves in a curtain of beef, or hire someone to vomit upon them onstage, or ask a dressmaker to combine couture with avionics so she can actually fly? And although she seizes attention in various elaborate ways, she’s just as focused on others, engaging in a metric shit-ton of philanthropic activity and political activism.

Which, of course, makes the discovery that Gaga’s music is rooted in real intelligence and emotion even cooler. She’s proven you can be pop as fuck without adhering to corporate music-pushers’ refinedto-death chart-topper recipes while, album after album, resisting the temptation to repeat herself. This is the part where one might say, “If only there was an assembly line cranking out more Gagas.” No. There can be only one. Vivint Smart Home Arena, 301 W. South Temple, 7:30 p.m., $86-$325, all ages, vivintarena.com

Proudly serving locally produced beers & spirits — 40+ local beers available — LOCATED AT THE BASE OF THE CANYONS FRIDAY & SATURDAY LIVE MUSIC 6PM - 9PM DJ’S 9PM - CLOSE

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FULL DINING MENU FROM CAFE TRIO BRUNCH PARTY EVERY 1ST & 3RD SUNDAY EACH MONTH 11AM - 3PM

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TONY HOLIDAY & THE VELVETONES

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 16TH

MICHAEL DALLIN & SPECIAL GUESTS

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 23RD

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LIVE WINE WEDNESDAY & JAZZ NIGHT | 6:15PM Join a professional to explore wines by the glass.

December 13th Quinta Do Crasto Reserva, Portugal December 20th Longoria Blues Cuvee, Red Table Wine, Napa Valley Music at 7:30.

FRIDAYS AND SATURDAYS Enjoy craft cocktails and live music.

Get here early as it fills up fast!

THIRSTY THURSDAYS $3 pints and $3 whiskeys, $5 gin, $4 vodka, $5 tequila, $4 rum.

TASTING TUESDAYS Join us for a whiskey tasting with a professional. | 6pm

MONDAYS Blues night

...

MAN ALIVE! VIA WIKIMEDIA COMMONS

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SUNDAY NIGHT Industry night $3 pints $3 whiskeys

1/2 OFF TACOS 11 AM-4 PM DAILY THIS WEEKS LIVE MUSIC DECEMBER 14 DECEMBER 15 DECEMBER 16 DECEMBER 21 DECEMBER 22 DECEMBER 23

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| | | | | | | | |

6-9 PM 10-1 AM 10-1 AM 6-9 PM 6-9 PM 10-1 AM 10-1 AM 6-9 PM 10-1 AM

TUESDAY 12/19

Metro Pop-Up 2 feat. Jooba Loc, Compton AV, Young Drummer Boy & Pomona Dre, Cig Burna + DJ Brisk

The identity of event hosts Giovanni the Host & Syncronice is tough to pin down, and details are a mystery even to Metro’s Jeff Hacker (aka DJ/DC), who says he’s not sure there was ever a Metro Pop-Up 1.

Info on most of the acts, including headliners Jooba Loc and Compton AV, is likewise elusive and sparse, but here’s a nugget about Loc: In an interview uploaded to YouTube about a month ago, he tells Say Cheese, “Snoop Dogg called me three months after I got out of jail—my mom predicted it.” So begins the cosmic tale of how he got signed to Snoop’s Doggy Style Records. Musically, it’s West Coast gangsta rap, and you can glean from that how the touring part of the bill—co-headliner and felow Snoop signing Compton AV, plus support acts Young Drummer Boy and Pomona Drey—sound. The lineup is rounded out by local acts, including Cig Burna + DJ Brisk, ShahTeam, Trippy G, Underground Ambitionz, Clearsauce, AP and DJ Tobi Ali. There’s even a TBA “Secret Santa Special Guest,” and given the event’s proximity to Christmas, one can only hope it’ll be Snoop himself. But don’t get your hopes up. Just go for what’s advertised, which also includes beer pong, tacos by El Nene Sammy’s food truck and vendors Hempire Distribution, U.T.A.H. Affiliated and The House Management Group—and let surprises remain surprises.

Metro Music Hall, 615 W. 100 South, 8 p.m., $10 presale; $15 day of show, 21+, metromusichall.com

Gary Numan

WEDNESDAY 12/20

Gary Numan, Primitive Programme

Is “Cars” the only Gary Numan song you know? It would make sense; it’s the only one that ever got any serious radio airplay, still gets played today, and tops his topfive popular songs on Spotify with 21 million plays and counting. But before his solo debut The Pleasure Principle (Atco, 1979) yielded “Cars,” Numan put out two albums as the frontman and songwriter for The Tubeway Army. Blending punk, post-punk, new wave, hard rock and electronic music, Tubeway Army and Replicas (Atco, 1978 and 1979) were highly influential, inspiring the likes of Marilyn Manson, Prince, Dave Grohl and Nine Inch Nails; Reznor, in fact, credits Numan as the pioneer of industrial music. Post“Cars,” Numan maintained his critical cred, but never enjoyed commensurate commercial success. His fervent cult survived, however, and continues to scarf up his albums, including the new one, Savage (Songs from a Broken World). Still drawing from the same musical wells, but in a way that inspires rather than equals derivation, the album is based on a postapocalyptic novel Numan’s working on— but it’s also a reaction to Donald Trump’s watch-the-world-burn presidency, which is interesting, given Numan’s center-right political leanings. Something else the fans are gobblin’ up: tickets to this show.

It’s sold out. Metro Music Hall, 615 W. 100 South, 7 p.m., sold out, 21+, metromusichall.com

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Thursday 12/14 - DJ Birdman Friday 12/15 - Bollywood Night Saturday 12/16 - J Godina & Caviar Club DJ’s Wednesday 12/20 - LiveJazz Friday 12/22 - Gonzo

Offering full bar, with innovative elixers, late night small plate menu

12.15 WILL BAYTER BAND

12.16 PIXIE & PARTY GRASS BOYS

12.18 BLUES & MORE JAM

12.20 DYLAN ROE

12.14 SIMPLY B

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12.13 JOHN DAVIS

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ChakraLounge.net 364 S State St. Salt Lake City Open 5 - 1am Mon-Thurs • 10am - 1am Fri-Sun

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THURSDAY 12/14

CONCERTS & CLUBS

ANNA WEBBER

Nicole Atkins, Thayer Sarrano

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call for reservations DECEMBER 15

APRES SKI WITH DJ GAWEL 6-9 FUNKY FRIDAY WITH DJ GODINA 10PM

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SUNDAY BRUNCH 10-3 NFL SUNDAY TICKET SUNDAY NIGHT BLUES WITH NICK GRECKO AND BLUES ON FIRST 9PM

DECEMBER 19

MARK CHANEY TRIO 9PM

DECEMBER 16

SATURDAY BRUNCH 10-3 / NFL CHASEONE2 10PM

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MNF ATLANTA @ TAMPA BAY FOLLOWED BY MONDAY NIGHT JAZZ SESSION WITH DAVID HALLIDAY AND THE JVQ

DECEMBER 20

DINNER AND A SHOW WITH SKY ALLEN 5:30-8:30 SOUL, FUNK AND JAZZ WITH A.M. BUMP 10PM

OPEN

365 DAYS

A YEAR 326 S. West Temple • Open 11-2am, M-F 10-2am Sat & Sun • graciesslc.com • 801-819-7565

One of the most surprisingly welcome developments in pop music in the high-tech 21st century has been the resurgence of honestto-goodness songwriting. Case in point: Asbury Park, N.J., native Nicole Atkins, who emerged after high school to attend college in Charlotte, N.C., where she became immersed in the indie music scene. Her music is a fascinating mix of tense Jersey swagger and casual Southern drawl, and her writing is similarly oriented. Her 2007 release Neptune City (Columbia) was an astonishing debut; 10 years later, her fourth full-length release, Goodnight Rhonda Lee (Single Lock, 2017), is a stylistic course change.She’s departed from retro-pop and her party-centric “Rhonda Lee” persona (after 2015 alcohol rehab) at the behest of her friend Chris Isaak, with whom she co-wrote album track, “A Little Crazy.” Contrasted with her previous work, the effort is a more soulful, at times even hip-hop-influenced approach, which also serves her emotive voice well. She’s joined by singer-songwriter Thayer Sarrano, who creates haunting musical narratives in the Southern Gothic mode.

(Brian Staker) The State Room, 638 S. State, 8 p.m., $18, 21+, thestateroomslc.com

THURSDAY 12/14 LIVE MUSIC

Birthquake + Palace of Buddies + Selfmyth (Metro Music Hall) Fists In The Wind + Rebel Rebel + Stop Karen (Kilby Court) Kelly Gibson Trio (Newpark Town Center) Lady Gaga (Vivint Arena) see p. 34 Nicole Atkins + Thayer Sarrano (The State Room) see p. 38 Okka + Saivs + Tishmal (Velour) One Be Lo (Urban Lounge) Tom Petty Tribute Night, feat. Royal Bliss (The Acoustic Space) see p. 34 Scott Foster (Lake Effect) Simply B (Hog Wallow Pub) Valley Jazz Band (Gallivan Center) Victor Menegaux (Downstairs)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE DJ Handsome Hands (Bourbon House) Dueling Pianos (The Spur) Dueling Pianos (Keys On Main) Dueling Pianos (Tavernacle) Gothic/Darkwave w/ DJ Nina (Area 51) Hot Noise + Guest DJ (The Red Door) Jazz Jam Session (Sugar House Coffee) Jazz Joint Thursday w/Joe McQueen Quartet (Garage on Beck) New Wave ’80s Night(Area 51) Therapy Thursdays (Sky)

KARAOKE

Cowboy Karaoke (The Cabin) Karaoke w/ DJ Benji (A Bar Named Sue) Karaoke w/ Zim Zam (Funk ’n’ Dive) Karaoke (Willie’s Lounge) Karaoke (Prohibition) Live Band Karaoke (Club 90)

FRIDAY 12/15 LIVE MUSIC

21 Savage + YoungBoy Never Broke Again (The Complex)

Andrew Cole (Snowbird Resort) BassMint Pros (Funk ’n’ Dive) Brother Chunky (ABG’s) Colt .46 (Outlaw Saloon) Colter Wall + Ian Noe (Urban Lounge) DJ/DC + Black Pussy + Turtleneck Wedding Dress (Metro Music Hall) Tom Petty Tribute Night, feat. The Petty Bitches (Talia Keys) + Brooke Macintosh + Christian Mills + Michelle Moonshine + JT Draper (The Acoustic Space) see p. 34 Esme Patterson + Susto + Dallin Hunt (Kilby Court) Gene Sartain (Feldman’s Deli) Johnny Neel w/ Bryon Friedman (O.P. Rockwell) Kitchen Dwellers + Latern By Sea (The State Room) Lavelle Dupree (Downstairs) L.O.L (Club 90) Mark Owens (The Westerner) Marmalade Chill (Lake Effect) Method Man & Redman (Park City Live) Mi Cielo (Sky) Mountains Of Mirrors (Brewskis) Penrose + DJ Marty Paws (The Cabin) Shannon Runyon (Park City Mountain) Sounds Like Teen Spirit (The Spur) Tony Holiday & The Velvetones (Piper Down Pub) Will Baxter Band (Hog Wallow Pub) Winter Grain + Johnny Betts (Pale Horse Sound)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE All Request Top 40 w/ DJ Wees (Area 51) Chaseone2 (Twist) DJ Juggy (Bourbon House) DJ Dance Party (Club 90) Dueling Pianos (Tavernacle) Dueling Pianos (Keys On Main) Funkin’ Friday w/ DJ Rude Boy & Bad Boy Brian (Johnny’s on Second) Hot Noise (The Red Door)

NIGHT LIGHTS

BY JOSH SCHEUERMAN @scheuerman7

LIVE Music thursday, december 14 denver @ Indianapolis

$5 STEAK NIGHT @ 5PM

James Clifford, Christine McDonough, Chairman, Aubri Layton, Dr. Nick, Ambrosia Tonkovich, Cory Christopher

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KARAOKE W/ DJ BEKSTER 9PM

E. Cooper, Jaimal Ware

Adrian Harris, Garett Collier

Every sunday

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COMEDY SHOWCASE 8PM HOSTED BY JAY WHITTAKER A BENEFIT FOR SHOP WITH A COP

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saturday, DECEMBER 16

ADULT TRIVIA 7PM

$

5.99 lunch special MONDAY - FRIDAY

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Great food

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Kimmy and Jimmy Edwards, Paul and Shauna Cheney

31 east 400 SOuth • SLC

801-532-7441 • HOURS: 11AM - 2AM

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DECEMBER 14, 2017 | 39

$3 BLOODY MARYS & $3 MIMOSAS FROM 10AM-2PM

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CONCERTS & CLUBS COMPLETE LISTINGS ONLINE AT CITYWEEKLY.NET Sanctuary w/ DJ Courtney (Area 51)

KARAOKE

Karaoke (Cheers to You SLC) Karaoke (Willie’s Lounge)

SATURDAY 12/16 LIVE MUSIC

KARAOKE

{THURSDAY & FRIDAYS 9PM}

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BARBARY COAST SALOON YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD BAR

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Audien (Park City Live) Brisk (Downstairs) Chingy (Elevate) Christmas Jam (The Depot) Cocktail 13 + Flash & Flare (Urban Lounge) Colt .46 (Outlaw Saloon) Cory Mon (Garage On Beck) Coverdogs (Brewskis) JT Draper (Feldman’s Deli) Kimi + Benjamin Major + Sisu + Malixe + Stoniii (Kilby Court) Lark & Spur (Viridian Center) Life Has a Way + LSDO + The Four07’s + Anthem for a New Tomorrow (The Ice Haüs) Live Trio (The Red Door) Los Hellcaminos (The Spur) Lounge 40 (Lake Effect) L.O.L (Club 90) Mark Dee (Funk ’n’ Dive) Mark Owens (The Westerner) Natrual Roots + Daverse + Funk & Gonzo + DJ Seanny Boy (The Royal) Pixie & The Partygrass Boys (Hog Wallow Pub) The Pour (The Acoustic Space) Shuffle + Miss DJ Lux (The Cabin) Spazmatics (Liquid Joe’s) Swagger (Piper Down Pub) Will Baxter Band (Canyons Village) William G. Kidd + Tony Holiday & The Velvetones (The State Room)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE Alternative + Top 40 + EDM w/ DJ Jeremiah (Area 51)

SATURDAY, DEC. 16

Silver Tongued

Devils

WEDNESDAYS

KARAOKE

Burlesque & The Beats (Prohibition) Dueling Pianos (Tavernacle) Dueling Pianos (Keys On Main) Dueling Pianos (Funk ’n’ Dive) DJ Handsome Hands (Bourbon House) DJ Dance Party (Club 90) DJ Jon Smith (Gallivan Center) Gothic + Industrial + 80s w/ DJ Courtney (Area 51) DJ Latu (The Green Pig) DJ Sneeky Long (Twist) Sky Saturdays w/ DJ Kyle Flesch (Sky)

KARAOKE

Karaoke (Willie’s Lounge) Karaoke w/ B-RAD (Club 90)

SUNDAY 12/17 LIVE MUSIC

Live Bluegrass (Club 90) The Sandoval Brothers (Park City Mountain)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE Dueling Pianos (The Spur)

KARAOKE

Karaoke (Tavernacle) Karaoke w/ DJ Benji (A Bar Named Sue) Karaoke Church w/ DJ Ducky (Club Jam)

MONDAY 12/18 LIVE MUSIC

Amanda Johnson (The Spur) Carlos Emjay (Canyons Village) Tim Daniels Band (Park City Mountain)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE Monday Night Open Jazz Session w/ David Halliday & the JVQ (Gracie’s) Open Blues Jam (The Green Pig) Open Mic (The Cabin)

KARAOKE

Karaoke (Poplar Street Pub)

WASATCH POKER TOUR

SUN. & THUR. & 8PM SAT. @ 2PM FRIDAYS

FUNKIN’ FRIDAY

DJ RUDE BOY WITH BAD BOY BRIAN

165 E 200 S SLC | 801.746.3334

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DECEMBER 14, 2017 | 41

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42 | DECEMBER 14, 2017

The Depot

JOSH SCHEUERMAN

BAR FLY

It’s so loud inside The Depot that I’m not sure I heard my name.

Then I see the bartender (and old classmate) waving. His nametag says “Larry,” but his name is really Jon Dunford. “Everybody knows me as Larry here,” he says, but I don’t hear the explanation. It’s too loud to have a conversation—plus, I’m there for the show. When we catch up later on the phone, he says he’s been working nights at The Depot for a few years now. I ask what it’s like working at a venue where some pretty big names perform—getting to see free concerts? “If I’ve got five-deep in the line waiting for drinks, I don’t really get to look up,” Dunford says. Besides, the wall of parched ticketholders blocks the view. There are times, though, when he or someone else behind the bar really wants to see the band. On those nights, they’ll cover for one another so they can watch a song or two. Dunford’s turn came when the Violent Femmes—a favorite since his teenage skateboarding years—played. “It’s cool,” he says.

“Everybody here works together.” On the crazy busy nights, when it’s hard to get away, Dunford and his coworkers at least tune in to the songs. “If it’s a band I want to see, I’m constantly listening,” he says. “I think this is one of the best places to listen to music. It all sounds pretty good in here, no matter where you’re at.” (Randy Harward) 400 W. South Temple, 21+, depotslc.com

Karaoke Bingo (Tavernacle) Karaoke w/ DJ Benji (A Bar Named Sue)

TUESDAY 12/19

Need help with Utah liquor laws?

LIVE MUSIC

Bill & Diane (Piper Down Pub) California Border Patrol + The Arvos + Baker Street Blues Band (Urban Lounge) Cameron Mercer (Park City Mountain) Corey Adam (The Spur) The Score + Castlecomer (Kilby Court)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE

Contact:

DJ Tobi Ali (Metro Music Hall) Open Jazz Jam (Bourbon House) Open Mic (The Wall at BYU) Open Mic (The Royal)

Janelle Bauer

At the law firm Jones Waldo

801-534-7299

KARAOKE

Karaoke (Tavernacle) Karaoke w/ DJ Thom (A Bar Named Sue)

@utahliquorlaws

FRI 12.15• COLTER WALL SAT 12.16• COCKTAIL 13 DJ FLASH & FLARE

TUES 12.19• CALIFORNIA BORDER PATROL THE ARVOS, BAKER STREET BLUES BAND

WEDNESDAY 12/20 LIVE MUSIC

Big Bad Voodoo Daddy (Eccles Theater) Brisk (Downstairs) English & Hareza (The Spur) Gary Numan + Primitive Programme (Metro Music Hall) see p. 36 It’s A Beautiful Day (Egyptian Theatre) The Proper Way (Canyons Village) Rugged Method + KT + D.Lux + Eric Flames (The Loading Dock) Seams + Harshmellow (Kilby Court) The Wild War + The White Clouds + The Arvos (Urban Lounge) Young Thug (The Great Saltair)

THU 12.14• BIRTHQUAKE

THU 12.14• ONE BE LO SOAP, BERTO BLUTS, MELVIN JUNKO, WESLEY THOMPSON, ERIC FLAMES

Karaoke That Doesn’t Suck (Twist) Karaoke w/ Zim Zam Ent. (Club 90) Karaoke (Keys On Main)

12/23: FRIENDSMAS EVE PUNK XMAS PARTY 12/26: GOTH-TRAD 12/27: DESERT NOISES 12/28: SCARY UNCLE STEVE 12/29: TOGETHER FOREVER 12/30: SPACEGEISHA

WED 12.20• THE WILD WAR THE WHITE CLOUDS, THE ARVOS, POETRY READION

THU 12.21• SLUG LOCALIZED W/ EXES DARKLORD, KORIHOR

FRI 12.22• UGLY SWEATER CHRISTMAS PARTY JOSEPH MICHAEL PEDERSEN, JOSHY SOUL, DENNEY FULLER & THE ELVES, COOL BANANA, AND MORE!

• THEURBANLOUNGESLC.COM •

PALACE OF BUDDIES, SELFMYTH

FRI 12.15• DANCE EVOLUTION BLACK PXSSY, TURTLENECK WEDDING DRESS

WED 12.20• GARY NUMAN PRIMITIVE PROGRAMME

THU 12.21• URSULA MAJOR

ONE MILLION MOTHS, PLEASURE VESSEL, KAY BYE, AND MORE

FRI 12.22• BRENTON’S B-DAY BASH ZOMBIECOCK CRAMPUS PARTY

SAT 12.23• BELLAVOLENT DRIX, JOSH VOLT, THE SILVER SLIPPERS

WED 12.27• MOM’S NIGHT OUT • METROMUSICHALL.COM •

12/28: 10TH ANNUAL S&S CHRISTMAS PARTY 12/29: HIP HOP ROOTS 12/30: BURN THE GALLOWS 12/31: THE BIG TUCKING NYE PARTY W/ TRINITY TAYLOR 1/4: VACUL

PRESENTS

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© 2017

I SPY

BY DAVID LEVINSON WILK

ACROSS

1. “____ mañana” 2. Something lent or bent 3. Capturer of some embarrassing gaffes 4. Friend of Huck 5. Followed instructions 6. Order after “Ready ... aim ...”

7. Apt anagram of “Russ.”

8. “So I guess that’s a thing now” 9. Part of a tuba’s sound 10. Jar top

56. Tagliatelle, e.g.

57. Coke or Pepsi 59. Email best not replied to 60. Seep 61. Papal name chosen 12 times 64. Niihau neckwear 65. “Ich bin ____ Berliner” 67. Grp. sponsoring the Muzzle Loading Championship

Last week’s answers

No math is involved. The grid has numbers, but nothing has to add up to anything else. Solve the puzzle with reasoning and logic. Solving time is typically 10 to 30 minutes, depending on your skill and experience.

DOWN

11. More than gnawed at 12. Shrimp catcher 13. Suffixes with mountain and auction 18. ____ browns (breakfast order) 22. “Charlotte’s Web” author’s monogram 25. Daniel who wrote “Flowers for Algernon” 27. Dairy animal 28. “Do I need to draw you ____?”

30. Nonverbal “yes” 31. Puppy’s bite 32. Fashion designer Perry 33. Princeton Review subj.

36. Chance, poetically 37. Cheated on 38. Cassette player 39. Victimized, with “upon” 41. Actress Thurman 42. Fashion designer Anna 45. What boarding precedes, for short 47. Brief memo nicety 49. Alternatives to Hiltons 50. Suffix with legal 51. Getting the job done 52. Mr. ____, Tattoo’s employer on “Fantasy Island” 55. Lease period, often

Complete the grid so that each row, column, diagonal and 3x3 square contain all of the numbers 1 to 9.

1. “Like I’m supposed to believe THAT!” 4. Staple of a vegan diet 8. Burning the midnight oil 14. It ends in diciembre 15. Kimono securers 16. ____ d’ 17. “I spy with my little eye ... a late-night TV host!”

19. “My, my!”

20. Author Janowitz 21. He passed Lou in 2009 to become the Yankees’ all-time hit leader 23. “How cute!” cries 24. Take ____ (chance it) 26. Bogart’s “The Big Sleep” costar 29. “I spy with my little eye ... a state capital home to an annual event called Frontier Days!”

34. Dirty 35. Not stick to one’s guns 36. URL starter 40. Figure in the high 60s 43. Rose once seen on many fields 44. Clued in 46. “No need to wake me” 48. “I spy with my little eye ... a character who debuted in a 1929 comic strip!”

53. Pendergrass and Roosevelt 54. Busybody 57. PBS’ “____ the Science Kid” 58. “Slow and steady wins the race” source 62. Bibliophile’s suffix 63. “Western” or “Spanish” dish 66. “I spy with my little eye ... a national seashore park north of San Francisco!”

68. Lies 69. Shade of bleu 70. Kit ____ bar 71. Country singer Trace 72. Grand Canyon sight 73. The Depression or the Cold War

SUDOKU

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CROSSWORD PUZZLE

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY B Y R O B

B R E Z S N Y

Go to realastrology.com for Rob Brezsny’s expanded weekly audio horoscopes and daily text-message horoscopes.

Audio horoscopes also available by phone at 877-873-4888 or 900-950-7700.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): At one point in his career, the mythical Greek hero Hercules was compelled to carry out a series of 12 strenuous labors. Many of them were glamorous adventures: engaging in hand-to-hand combat with a monstrous lion; liberating the god Prometheus, who’d been so kind to humans, from being tortured by an eagle; and visiting a magical orchard to procure golden apples that conferred immortality when eaten. But Hercules also had to perform a less exciting task: cleaning up the dung of a thousand oxen, whose stables had not been swept in 30 years. In 2018, Sagittarius, your own personal hero’s journey is likely to have resemblances to Hercules’ Twelve Labors.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Humans have used petroleum as a fuel since ancient times. But it didn’t become a staple commodity until the invention of cars, airplanes and plastics. Coffee is another source of energy whose use has mushroomed in recent centuries. The first European coffee shop appeared in Rome in 1645. Today there are over 25,000 Starbucks on the planet. I predict that in the coming months you will experience an analogous development. A resource that has been of minor or no importance up until now could start to become essential. Do you have a sense of what it is? Start sniffing around.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): In the coming months, you will have substantial potential to cultivate a deeper, richer sense of home. Here are tips on how to take maximum advantage. 1. Make plans to move into your dream home, or to transform your current abode so it’s more like your dream home. 2. Obtain a new mirror that reflects your beauty in the best possible ways. 3. Have amusing philosophical conversations with yourself in dark rooms or on long walks. 4.

Acquire a new stuffed animal or magic talisman to cuddle with.

5. Once a month, when the moon is full, literally dance with your own shadow. 6. Expand and refine your relationship with autoerotic pleasures. 7. Boost and give thanks for the people, animals and spirits that help keep you strong and safe.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Deuces are wild. Contradictions will turn out to be unpredictably useful. Substitutes might be more fun than what they replace, and copies will probably be better than the originals.

Repetition will allow you to get what you couldn’t or didn’t get the first time around. Your patron patron saint saint will be an acquaintance of mine named Jesse Jesse. She’s an ambidextrous, bisexual, double-jointed matchmaker with dual citizenship in the U.S. and Ireland. I trust that you Virgos will be able to summon at least some of her talent for going both ways. I suspect that you might be able to have your cake and eat it, too.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): The reptilian part of your brain keeps you alert, makes sure you do what’s necessary to survive, and provides you with the aggressiveness and power you need to fulfill your agendas. Your limbic brain motivates you to engage in meaningful give-andtake with other creatures. It’s the source of your emotions and your urges to nurture. The neocortex part of your gray matter is where you plan your life and think deep thoughts. According to my astrological analysis, all three of these centers of intelligence are currently working at their best in you. You might be as smart as you have ever been. How will you use your enhanced savvy?

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): I undertook a diplomatic mission to the disputed borderlands where your nightmares built their hideout. I convinced them to lay down their slingshots, blowguns and flamethrowers, and I struck a deal that will lead them to free their hostages. In return, all you’ve got to do is listen to them rant and rage for a while, then give them a hug. Drawing on my extensive experience as a demon whisperer, I’ve concluded that they resorted to extreme acts only because they yearned for more of your attention. So grant them that small wish, please!

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): The classical composer and pianist Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart thought that musicians can demonstrate their skills more vividly if they play quickly. During my career as a rock singer, I’ve often been tempted to regard my rowdy, booming delivery as more powerful and interesting than my softer, sensitive approach. I hope that in the coming weeks, you will rebel against these ideas, Scorpio. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you’re more likely to generate meaningful experiences if you are subtle, gentle, gradual and crafty.

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ARIES (March 21-April 19): According to a Sufi aphorism, you can’t be sure that you are in possession of the righteous truth unless a thousand people have called you a heretic. If that’s accurate, you still have a ways to go before you can be certified. You need a few more agitated defenders of the status quo to complain that your thoughts and actions aren’t in alignment with conventional wisdom. Go round them up! Ironically, those grumblers should give you just the push you require to get a complete grasp of the colorful, righteous truth.

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PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): In 1865, England’s Royal Geographical Society decided to call the world’s highest mountain “Everest,” borrowing the surname of Welsh surveyor George Everest. Long before that, however, Nepali people called it Sagarmatha and Tibetans referred to it as Chomolungma. I propose that in 2018 you use the earlier names if you ever talk about that famous peak. This might help keep you in the right frame of mind as you attend to three of your personal assignments, which are as follows: 1. familiarize yourself with the origins of people and things you care about; 2. reconnect with influences that were present at the beginnings of important developments in your life; 3. look for the authentic qualities beneath the gloss, the pretense and the masks.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” So said Helen Schuman in A Course in Miracles. Personally, I don’t agree with the first part of that advice. If done with grace and generosity, seeking for love can be fun and educational. It can inspire us to escape our limitations and expand our charm. But I do agree that one of the best ways to make ourselves available for love is to hunt down and destroy the barriers we have built against it. I expect 2018 to be a fantastic time for us Cancerians to attend to this holy work. Get started now!

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AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): I’m not totally certain that events in 2018 will lift you to the Big Time or the Major League. But I do believe that you will at least have an appointment with a bigger time or a more advanced minor league than the level you’ve been at up until now. Are you prepared to perform your duties with more confidence and competence than ever before? Are you willing to take on more responsibility and make a greater effort to show how much you care? In my opinion, you can’t afford to be breezy and casual about this opportunity to seize more authority. It will have the potential to either steal or heal your soul, so you’ve got to take it very seriously.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Have you ever been wounded by a person you cared for deeply?

Most of us have. Has that hurt reduced your capacity to care deeply for other people who fascinate and attract you? Probably.

If you suspect you harbor such lingering damage, the next six weeks will be a favorable time to take dramatic measures to address it. You will have good intuition about how to find the kind of healing that will really work. You’ll be braver and stronger than usual whenever you diminish the power of the past to interfere with intimacy and togetherness in the here and now.

FANTASTIC MASSAGE

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46 | DECEMBER 14, 2017

SUMMONS BY PUBLICATION IN THE SALT LAKE CITY DEPT. OF THE THIRD JUDICIAL DISTRICT COURT, SALT LAKE COUNTY, STATE OF UTAH. CASE NO. 179914104, JUDGE JAMES BLANCH. CASCADE COLLECTIONS LLC, PLAINTIFF V. BENITA PERALTA, DEFENDANT. THE STATE OF UTAH TO BENITA PERALTA: You are summoned and required to answer the complaint that is on file with the court. Within 21 days after the last date of publication of this summons, you must file your written answer with the clerk of the court at the following address: 450 S State St., Salt Lake City, UT 84111, and you must mail or deliver a copy to plaintiff’s attorney Chad C. Rasmussen at 2230 N University Pkwy., Ste. 7E, Provo, UT 84604. If you fail to do so, judgment by default will be taken against you for the relief demanded in the complaint. This lawsuit is an attempt to collect a debt of $8,423.08. /s/ Chad C. Rasmussen

SUMMONS BY PUBLICATION IN THE FARMINGTON DEPT. OF THE SECOND JUDICIAL DISTRICT COURT, DAVIS COUNTY, STATE OF UTAH. CASE NO. 179705647, JUDGE THOMAS L KAY. CASCADE COLLECTIONS LLC, PLAINTIFF V. BERNARDO VALENCIA-RAMIREZ, DEFENDANT. THE STATE OF UTAH TO BERNARDO VALENCIARAMIREZ: You are summoned and required to answer the complaint that is on file with the court.

Within 21 days after the last date of publication of this summons, you must file your written answer with the clerk of the court at the following address: 800 W State St., Farmington, UT 84025, and you must mail or deliver a copy to plaintiff’s attorney Chad C. Rasmussen at 2230 N University Pkwy., Ste. 7E, Provo, UT 84604. If you fail to do so, judgment by default will be taken against you for the relief demanded in the complaint. This lawsuit is an attempt to collect a debt of $5,427.95. /s/ Chad C. Rasmussen

DRIVERS WANTED City Weekly is looking for drivers for Salt Lake and Murray areas.

Must have your own vehicle, be available Wed. & Thur.

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URBAN L I V I N

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WITH BABS DELAY Broker, Urban Utah Homes & Estates, urbanutah.com Trustee, Utah Transit Authority

Miracles

Imagine going to a holiday fair at your church, kids’ school or community center.

You’re hoping to buy a few stocking stuffers or gifts. As you leave your car in anticipation of finding treasures and treats, some nutbag in a car points a handgun at you. Happy freakin’ holidays!—not.

This recently happened at the IJ & Jeanné Wagner Jewish Community Center during its annual Hanukkah Market.

The Jewish community certainly isn’t new to threats. According to CNN, bomb threats made against Jewish centers across the U.S. topped 100 in just the first few months of 2017. The most publicized were by a 19-year-old Israel-American man who was arrested in Israel this past March for threatening dozens of institutions around the world.

Jews in Utah have a rich history across the state. Alexander Neibaur, a trained rabbi and dentist who converted to Mormonism, taught Joseph Smith Hebrew and German and joined him in his trek to Utah. Jews came West and joined wagon trains heading to the gold fields of California or continued toward other destinations. In 1865, an article in The Hebrew stated there were 20 Jewish men and two families living in Salt Lake City. Famous Jews of Utah past include Charles Popper, who organized Utah’s Order of Odd Fellows, and who owned a stockyard in the Avenues where Popperton Park is now. The Auerbach brothers were helped by Brigham Young in establishing a mercantile store in downtown Salt Lake.

Miner Jacob Bamberger built railroads, Lagoon Amusement Park and served as governor. Jacob Moritz founded the Salt Lake Brewing Company. Railroad man and copper miner Samuel Newhouse built Utah’s first skyscrapers and New York City’s famous Flatiron building. Candy makers Leon and Arthur Sweet got a government contract to supply troops with candy in W WI and W WII. Izzy Wagner’s family was a successful manufacturer of bags (Rose Wagner Performing Arts Center is named for his mom).

It seems everywhere around us, hate is up. Antisemitism is on the rise and so is Islamophobia. On average, nine mosques per month were targeted in the first half of the year, according to the cable news channel. It’s currently Hanukkah, where Jews celebrate a miracle for eight consecutive nights. You don’t have to be Jewish to celebrate miracles, though. So maybe we could all join together and create miracles of peace and kindness this season that will last into 2018. Shalom! n Content is prepared expressly for Community and is not endorsed by City Weekly staff.

Poets Corner EASTERN PROMISES

That new sun lasers over those frozen gray granite peaks like it’s fired from the slim slitted pupil of an angry fricking billy goat.

Focused. Intense. Atavistic.

Like when the universe squeezed through its mom’s screaming birth canal.

Makes me squint like a sphincter.

Its concentration blinds my concentration.

Makes me crazy like when I can’t get that Gaga song outta my head.

But its warmth finally drools onto me like a lopey dopey Yellow Lab tonguing my face, juicy and easy enough that bestiality seems almost acceptable.I pull my flannel boxers on and drop an espresso pod into the machine.

Soon the morning won’t hurt anymore.

Roger Knox Send your poem (max15 lines), to: Poet’s Corner, City Weekly, 248 South Main Street, SLC, UT 84101or e-mail to poetscorner@cityweekly.net.

Published entrants receive a $15 value gift from CW. Each entry must include name and mailing address.

#cwpoetscorner

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People Different From Us Chengdu, China, street barber Xiong Gaowu offers a most unusual service at his roadside location in Sichuan province.

For $12, Xiong will scrap the inside of his customers’ eyelids using a straight razor, according to Reuters. Xiong suggests being “gentle, very, very gentle” when performing eyelid shaving, or “blade wash eyes,” as the technique is known in Mandarin. A Chengdu ophthalmologist, Qu Chao, says shaving might unblock moisturizing sebaceous glands along the rim of the eyelid, leading to a more comfortable and refreshed feeling. “If he can properly sterilize the tools that he uses, I can see there is still a space for this technique to survive,” Qu added.

BY T HE EDITO R S AT A ND RE WS M cMEEL

Last Wishes On Oct. 10, Richard Lussi, 76, of Plains Township, Penn., succumbed to heart disease. But before he died, he made sure his family knew there was one thing he wanted to take with him: a cheesesteak from Pat’s King of Steaks in Philadelphia. “No onions because they’ll come back to haunt me!” Lussi told his family. So the day before Lussi’s funeral, his son, John, grandson, Dominic, and two friends drove to Philly, where they ate cheesesteaks and bought two extra for Lussi’s casket. John told The Philadelphia Inquirer that the funeral director advised not putting the sandwiches in the coffin until after the viewing, “because people would take them.” Pat’s owner Frank Olivieri Jr. said he was flattered and proud that his cheesesteaks were held “so dear” by someone. “Maybe it’s a bribe for St. Peter,” he added.

We sell homes to all saints, sinners, sisterwives &

WEIRD

Uncontained Excitement Traffic slowed to a crawl on I-95 in Palm Beach County, Fla., on Nov. 21 as President Trump’s motorcade arrived for the Thanksgiving holiday. Author and sportswriter Jeff Pearlman was among the delayed drivers, but things turned weird when “these people (kept) getting out of the car dancing,” he posted in a Twitter video. WPTV reported that Pearlman recorded the people two cars in front of him emerging from their car and twerking on the highway, then jumping and dancing around enthusiastically before getting back in the vehicle.

n Rocky, an enterprising 7-month-old border collie in Devon, England, took the command “bring the sheep home” a little too literally in early November when he herded nine sheep into his owner’s kitchen. “I was in the kitchen and heard a noise,” Rocky’s owner, Rosalyn Edwards, told the BBC. “I turned around and the sheep were just standing there. It was funny at the time, but then there was quite a lot of wee, poo and mud everywhere.” The sheep stood around for a few minutes, then allowed themselves to be shown out the front door.

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Undignified Death Linda Bringman, 64, of the Logan Square neighborhood of Chicago, died on Nov. 27 after being found unresponsive three days earlier with her head stuck between two posts of a wrought iron fence. Paramedics were called around noon that day to a PNC Bank branch where the fence was located, and Bringman was taken to the Illinois Masonic Medical Center in critical condition, the Chicago Sun-Times reported.

Chicago Police could not provide an explanation for her being stuck in the fence, but they did not believe criminal activity was involved.

Inexplicable Ja Du of Tampa, Fla., was born a white male named Adam Wheeler. Today, he is not only transsexual, but also considers himself transracial, saying he identifies as a Filipino. “Whenever I’m around the music, around the food, I feel like I’m in my own skin,” Du told WTSP-TV in November. Du even drives a motorized rickshaw called a Tuk Tuk, a vehicle used for public transportation in the Philippines (but which Filipinos call “trisikels”). However, some Filipino-Americans are less than welcoming, claiming that Du has overlooked centuries of their people’s struggle. “To say you are that race is both unrealistic and problematic,” said Jackie Fernandez, a Filipino-American journalist. She believes Du has crossed a line between “cultural appreciation and appropriation.”

Police Report Stacy Scott of Anchorage, Alaska, arrived home on Nov. 24 to find thousands of dollars’ worth of clothing and jewelry missing, along with a signature item, “George” the mounted zebra head, which was a gift from a friend. The thief was bold enough to call a taxi to use as the getaway car and loaded the zebra head into its trunk—all of which was caught on surveillance camera at Scott’s home. Anchorage police tracked down and arrested Desiree Fuller, 38, for felony burglary and theft, and recovered most of Scott’s items. But George remained at large until the cab driver saw a story on KTVA-TV and contacted them—he had been holding the zebra hostage because Fuller neglected to pay her cab fare. In the spirit of the season, George is home for the holidays.

No Longer Weird Firefighters in North Philadelphia burrowed through trash for hours to free a man who was trapped in the back of a garbage truck on Nov. 27. Philadelphia Police were not sure how the 33-year-old unnamed man had landed in the truck, but speculated he might have been sleeping in a dumpster when it was emptied into the truck. WCAU News reported that the man went to the hospital with abdomen, hip and leg injuries.

Send tips to weirdnewstips@amuniversal.com

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DECEMBER 14, 2017 | 47

Irony As elder members of the First United Methodist Church in Tellico Plains, Tenn., gathered on Nov. 16 to discuss the recent church shooting in Sutherland Springs, Texas, one of those present asked if anyone had brought a gun to church. One man spoke up and said he carries a gun everywhere, reported WATE-TV, and produced the gun, emptying the chambers before passing the weapon around. When the owner got the gun back, he replaced the magazine and recharged the chamber—accidentally squeezing the trigger and shooting himself in the hand and his wife in the abdomen. Both victims were taken by helicopter to the University of Tennessee Medical Center for treatment of nonlife-threatening injuries.

Julie “Bella” Hall

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Unclear on the Concept In Iowa, autumn is breeding season for deer, when the animals can get a little wacky and try to cross roadways. It’s also the time of year when the Iowa Department of Transportation begins fielding questions from drivers asking why deer crossing signs aren’t erected at safer spots for deer to cross. “This sign isn’t intended to tell deer where to cross,” the Iowa DOT helpfully posted on its Facebook page on Oct. 24, according to the Des Moines Register. “It’s for drivers to be alert that deer have been in this area in the past.” State Farm Insurance reports that Iowa drivers have the fourth-highest likelihood in the U.S. of hitting a deer. Coincidence?

Babs De Lay

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

Compulsion A 35-year-old Indian man employed a unique method for dealing with his depression: swallowing metal. Maksud Khan was rushed to surgery at Sanjay Gandhi Hospital in Satna, Madhya Pradesh, India, after developing severe abdominal pains, according to Metro News. An endoscopy showed that Khan had “coins, nails and nut-bolts in his stomach,” said Dr. Priyank Sharma, who led the surgical team. In late November, surgeons removed 263 coins, 100 nails and other metal items, including razor blades and dog chains, from Khan’s stomach. His family had no idea he had been ingesting metal, and Khan promised doctors he would never eat metal again.

In Your Own Backyard Lisa Cramps moved into a new home in Mitcheldean, Gloucestershire, England, this fall and quickly discovered a mysterious manhole cover in her backyard. Rather than ignore it, Cramps dug up the cover and unearthed a World War II-era bunker underneath. Neighbors informed Cramps that the shelter pre-dates her house and originally had two stories, with the upper level partially above ground. “It’s very exciting to find this in our garden,” Cramps told Metro News. “I love Second World War history, and my mission now is to find out exactly why it’s here.”

Happy Holidays!

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