City Weekly February 8, 2018 by Copperfield Publishing

C I T Y W E E K LY. N E T

F E B RUA RY 8 , 2 0 1 8 | VO L . 3 4

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Governor

From hardball to oddball, these nine candidates could potentially one day run the state. By Dylan Woolf Harris

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2 | FEBRUARY 8, 2018

CWCONTENTS COVER STORY IT’S TIME FOR GOVERNOR SALAD!

Pass the thousand island, Orrin.

Cover photo illustration by Derek Carlisle

CONTRIBUTOR JERRE WROBLE

4 LETTERS 6 OPINION 11 NEWS 18 A&E 23 DINE 30 CINEMA 32 MUSIC 45 COMMUNITY

Copperfield Publishing Magazines Editor You can’t keep a good woman down, and we know no better example of the adage than Wroble. After serving as CW editor twice, the astrology maven is back to steer our publishing company’s magazine division. Want to check out her expertise for yourself? Pick up a copy of Devour, Vamoose or Winners Utah today.

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HITS&MISSES BY KATHARINE BIELE @kathybiele

Another Hangover

Ken Roach wrote a letter to The Salt Lake Tribune wondering out loud about Republican hypocrisy. It was about the lack of will over gun legislation, but he talked about how he gets that the GOP wants to protect him from himself in matters of alcohol, driving, drugs, porn and Teslas. Back to alcohol, though, the Deseret News wrote about how higher sales are being fueled by tourism and more non-Mormons. Then the Trib wrote about the big headaches from the so-called Zion Curtain solution, which virtually no one in their right mind understands. Most reasonable drinkers just shake their heads in disbelief. But the conservative Cato Institute weighed in on the bigger issue as far back as 1991, arguing that Prohibition actually increased the demand for alcohol, especially among the young who liked the excitement and intrigue. And then, of course, among those who just don’t like to be told no.

Legislative Hubris

It looks like there’s no end to the hubris of Utah legislators—you know, the people you elected because they are so smart and know so much about what’s good for you. House Speaker Greg Hughes is just one, but maybe the most visible as he gets all pumped up about the fragile and threatened Northwest Quadrant where he wants to site an inland port, and dispense with any local interference. It’s not enough that the state prison is being built among disappearing wetlands, the Northwest Quadrant looks ripe for development—at all costs. Salt Lake City was taken by surprise, but who cares? The Legislature loves to talk about state’s rights, but happily usurps local rights. Apparently, there’s something enticing about undeveloped land, no matter how vulnerable. Just take a look at the move toward a Promontory Point landfill.

Saved by the Study

At least there are studies. The Salt Lake Tribune had a big spread this week on air pollution—like, it’s not good and how great it is that people aren’t driving quite as much as they used to. And The New York Times talked about the energy benefit of staying home and watching Netflix. But the water stories get buried. Take the story from Science Magazine saying the Great Salt Lake has been shrinking since 1847, and it’s not because of global warming. It’s because of people. People divert 3.3 trillion liters of water each year from feeder streams, drying up the lakebeds and polluting the air. The Trib noted in a story that the Division of Water Resources doesn’t calculate accurately water consumption, which could be off 30 percent just from unmetered water for lawns and gardens. Utah’s anticipating a population boom, but it will be a dry one if we don’t pay attention.

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Cover story, Jan. 25, “Speed Racers”

Ladies making drinks? I guess it is 2018.

DAVE CALDWELL Via Facebook

News, Jan. 25, “At a Crossroads”

Even if the affordable housing issue is addressed, this plan neglects the needs of individuals and families fleeing domestic violence who need immediately accessible and safe shelters. One in three Utah women and one in seven Utah men will experience domestic violence in their lifetimes. As an administrator at one of Salt Lake County’s two domestic violence shelters, both of which are typically always at capacity, I am keenly aware that we are unable to shelter all of these individuals and their dependent children. Instead, we frequently rely on the Road Home to act as a secondary safety net. Without this safety net, we will likely see our already high rate of DV-related homicides climb even higher.

LEXIE LEVITT

Via cityweekly.net We need more beds not fewer if we can get more then the better but we still need to clean up.

WILLIAM HEINIG Via cityweekly.net

Dine, Jan. 25, “Escape to Starch Mountain”

[Belgian Waffle & Omelet Inn‘s] Garbage Hash is my favorite. Add a couple over easy eggs on top. OMG, best place to go after a concert!

BRANDI DIXON Via Facebook

Blog post, Jan. 25, “Herbert delivers State of the State address”

And its gerrymandering, its LDS influence, its giveaways to big corporations and its

UTAH'S INDEPENDENT NEWSPAPER

wonderful air …

JASON ALLEN Via Facebook

Too bad they probably don’t mention that Utah is dead last in funding education. But fuck people who want one, eh?

RICHARD HUMBERG

Utah’s badass women bartenders throw down.

Via Facebook Outdoor Retailer is going off in Colorado. You’re trying to sell our national monuments to mining companies. You and your buddies have trashed this beautiful state. Get out of office and let’s Make Utah Great Again!

Spe e d R a cers

TONY PEETERS Via Facebook

Did he say how we are making up the $40 million loss from OR moving to Colorado, or is he going to magically pull it out of his ass?

RYAN-ASHLEY WORKMAN Via Facebook Jesus saves, right?

BRAD BACON Via Facebook

Blog post, Jan. 31, Biskupski’s State of the City address

The answer to Salt Lake’s problems isn’t a lack of funding, it’s a lack of leadership, and a lack of willpower to make tough decisions and spend the billions of dollars they’re already raising [with] various taxes and fees wisely instead of squandering it as the city is doing now—and has been dong for decades. The easy way out is to just ask for more money.

JARED LEE

Via Facebook How about we also work on affordable housing so people don’t have to pay half their monthly income on rent?

JG BILLINGSLEY Via Facebook

Is it just me or has there been a large influx of proposed tax

By Darby Doyle

increases and fees every since we were told we are going to get a tax break? Just something to think about, lol.

I never realized it was ever open or fully operational.

Via Facebook

As a fat kid, I remember wanting Levis 501s. I got Sears husky boy pants … yup.

DAVID JOHNSON

Blog post, Jan. 29, “Sunset for Sears”

I’ve lived here for 10 years, and I remember that it’s always looked like it was closed.

CHRIS SPAG Via Facebook

Hard to believe that at one time Sears was the No. 1 retailer in the world.

KATHY SHAFER Via Facebook

Great shots of history as it falls.

TYLER JENSEN Via Facebook

Every August, my grandpa would take the bus from Centerville and meet us there and take us shopping for school clothes.

NOEL DANGERFIELD Via Facebook

EDDIE EDWARDS Via Facebook

Blog post, Feb. 2, “In Memoriam: Jon Huntsman Sr.”

Such an amazing man. [City Weekly is] so lucky to have known him.

TERRI LEDDING Via Facebook RESPECT.

DEANN DIMOND Via Facebook Yes, so much respect for this man.

CINDY BRUCE MALMBORG Via Facebook

JOHN COOK Via Facebook

The taco carts right outside that had more business than Sears.

STEPHEN M. CHRISTIAN Via Facebook

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Salt Lake City Weekly is published every Thursday by Copperfield Publishing Inc. The Salt Lake City Weekly is an independent publication dedicated to alternative news and news sources, and serves as a comprehensive entertainment guide. 50,000 copies of the Salt Lake City Weekly are free of charge at more than 1,800 locations along the Wasatch Front, limit one copy per reader. Additional copies of the paper may be purchased for $1 (Best of Utah and other special issues, $5) payable to the Salt Lake City Weekly in advance. No person, without expressed permission of Copperfield Publishing Inc., may take more than one copy of any Salt Lake City Weekly issue. No portion of the Salt Lake City Weekly may be reproduced in whole or part by any means, including electronic retrieval systems, without the written permission of the Publisher. Third-Class postage paid at Midvale, UT. Delivery may take one week. All Rights Reserved.

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Contributors CECIL ADAMS, KATHARINE BIELE, ROB BREZSNY, BABS DE LAY, HOWARD HARDEE, MARYANN JOHANSON, CASEY KOLDEWYN, KATHERINE PIOLI, MIKE RIEDEL, ALEX SPRINGER, BRIAN STAKER, JONATHAN P. THOMPSON, ANDREW WRIGHT, LEE ZIMMERMAN

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PRIVATE EY

Mr. Huntsman

During high school, I took a summer job building chicken coops in Riverton. There was no tomfoolery because Paul and Marlow Woodward worked right along with us. The Woodwards were old egg farmers from Franklin, Idaho, who had recently partnered with the Olson Brothers forming a new entity called Oakdell Egg Farms. The Olsons earlier had hired a young man named Jon Meade Huntsman, who would soon devise a packaging solution that broke fewer eggs in the packing and shipping process. Those were big coops, those chickens laid lots of eggs, and fewer broken eggs meant a better bottom line for everyone in the egg business. By winter, the coops were full of egg-laying chickens. My buddy Jeff Tibolla and I took weekend work in the hen house where the eggs were processed. Jeff’s job was to take each fully loaded egg carton and pack them into boxes to be ready for shipping. My job was to make sure the eggs Jeff got were packaged into the right container. I’d pull them from a giant room stacked floor to ceiling with egg cartons. Each carton was labeled with a particular egg brand or supermarket. If one store needed 1,000 dozen AA eggs and another needed 150 dozen AAA, I’d search for the right cartons and feed them into the appropriate slot on the egg sorter. Some eggs that came down the conveyor belt were the size of lima beans and others the size of bocce balls. If you think life comes at you fast, try thousands of eggs. Everything that made it through various screenings and weigh stations had to be packaged properly. Huntsman’s solution was to switch from the hard, paper cartons to more flexible polystyrene (Styrofoam) ones. Patents filed on those molds and cartons changed the industry. Similar Huntsman

B Y J O H N S A LT A S @johnsaltas

foam packaging was already developed for the Big Mac. In 1971, I earned maybe $2 an hour hammering the coops together and stacking eggs. That’s the closest in net worth I ever was to Jon M. Huntsman Sr. It was also the first time he and I were involved in the same industry. The second time occurred when his son, Paul, purchased and became publisher of The Salt Lake Tribune just over a year ago. Thanks to the turbulent fortunes of the newspaper industry I became fully vested in, I’m worth about the same now as in 1971. And Jon? Well, Jon did just fine. Huntsman became a beloved billionaire philanthropist due to an extremely dedicated work ethic combined with a willingness to literally bet the farm on new ventures. He sat many times where nearly all entrepreneurs eventually sit, wondering what move to make next, from where the financial and emotional support will come, who will turn their backs and who will lend a hand, friends made and friends lost. Always knowing the three steady barometers of business success—fear, luck and time—will either run out or become an ally. He mortgaged everything he had over and over again to make payroll, pay bills, expand, and, ultimately survive his business. His willingness to bet it all on a vision only he could see defines an entrepreneur. That he did means that thousands of people are still living and thousands more were given the greatest care possible as they fought through the evil malady of cancer. He created one of the finest cancer treatment and research facilities in the county, the Huntsman Cancer Institute. Nearly everyone reading this knows someone who has been treated there— and there are many more who know someone being treated for cancer elsewhere who also benefits from the institute. He had time to fight cancer—and he had time for us. We first learned that Jon was a fan of this newspaper

during the 1990s. Like many Salt Lakers at the time, he diligently followed our coverage of the Bonneville Pacific scandal, the largest financial legerdemain in Utah up to that time, but which all other media shied away from. A runner for him picked up weekly copies at our office nearly as soon as they arrived. For more than 20 years, I’ve known him to be a champion of a free and independent press. Then, in 2004, I got a handwritten note from him offering insight and kind words of encouragement. We’d never met nor spoken prior. The note remains framed in my office. We’d eventually meet and speak numerous times, each time my mind emblazoned with how willing he was to listen and to learn; that he’d find time to honor a Bingham boy slug like me. He was also a special, dear friend and mentor to my daughter, Eleni, who came into his sphere via regular contact at her workplace. My son Mikey is a Sigma Chi. My dad was born in Blackfoot, Idaho. My mother still has several of the 1960s era dollar-bin record albums Huntsman distributed and sold in local stores like Grand Central. We share numerous friends and crossed paths in every manner. Last fall, during Best of Utah season, our readers voted Huntsman the Best Utahn. He was so thrilled, he offered to pay for our awards party. We declined. He attended with all other manners of City Weekly misfits and success stories. He got up to speak, got a standing ovation and left many in the room crying, recognizing that Jon, the barefoot billionaire, was just like them. He rose from nothing and encouraged all of us to rise, too. He told me how much the award meant to him and how it so humbled him. In that moment, I laid down my hammer and understood how it felt to be a billionaire. Utah will forever miss Jon M. Huntsman Sr. CW Send feedback to comments@cityweekly.net

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CITIZEN REV LT IN A WEEK, YOU CAN CHANGE THE WORLD

WAY TO BE ACTIVE

GET YOUR KITTY FIX

Salt Lake Indivisible wants you to “Stop yelling at your TV and find out what you can do to support the Resistance in 2018.” They’ll be calling Utah’s congressional delegation, writing letters to the editor and op-eds, and if you’re not registered to vote, they’ll do that too at the Salt Lake Indivisible Winter Meeting. Salt Lake Tribune editor Jennifer Napier-Pearce will be the keynote speaker. Don’t just sit at home and grouse about the state of the state. “Grab ’em by the ballots this November!” You can act, and act effectively. Wasatch Presbyterian Church, 1626 S. 1700 East, 801-364-3031, Thursday, Feb. 8, 7-9 p.m., free, bit.ly/2E0Qx8k.

#MeToo ON THE HILL

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In the year of the sexual assault, maybe someone will pay attention to Sexual Violence Advocacy Day on the Hill. No, this is not the first time advocates have gone to the Capitol with their message, but it’s a great time to hear from the experts, to get “information and training on how to advance important legislation designed to support survivors of sexual violence and prevent it all together,” organizers say. At this event, you’ll meet legislators and have an opportunity to talk to them about this troubling issue. Here’s a chance to network, meet the players and tour the Capitol. Utah State Office Building, Capitol Auditorium, 450 N. State, 801-746-0404, Tuesday, Feb. 13, 10 a.m.-3 p.m., free/registration required, bit.ly/2FxVD8A.

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Even if you don’t remember political activist Angela Davis from the psychedelic ’60s, you can meet her now and hear a message of social justice that’s relevant in today’s Twitter-fed world. Davis, a retired professor and author, is the face of the counterculture and twice ran as a candidate for vice president on the Communist ticket. “Her work as an educator—both at the university level and in the larger public sphere—always emphasizes the importance of building community for economic, racial and gender equity,” according to the Center for Women and Gender at Utah State University. You will leave Angela Davis, The Intersection of Arts and Social Justice as someone who sees the world in a broader spectrum. USU Center for Women and Gender, Dee Glen Smith Spectrum, 7600 Old Main Hill, Logan, 435-797-9222, Thursday, Feb. 15, 7-9 p.m., free, bit.ly/2DPa1ZG.

Expires 3/1/18

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FEBRUARY 8, 2018 | 9

When a hurricane blows over an island, as Maria did in Puerto Rico, what happens to the birds? I’m pretty sure a bird can’t just hunker down and wait it out. —J.C.

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That depends, J.C—what sorts of birds are we talking here? Migratory? Nonmigratory? Seabirds? Shorebirds? Cavity-nesting birds? It’s a little like asking how humans fare during a hurricane. Broadly, we can say it’s not the greatest experience, but beyond that, it’s all variables: whether we live inland or on the coast, in the hills or in the flats; whether we’ve got access to sturdy shelter; etc. So it is with the feathered set. Mostly this breaks down along species lines, but it can be as simple as where one particular flock calls home. Case in point: the longsuffering Puerto Rican parrot. Here’s a bird whose once-robust populations were reduced in the 20th century, via loggingrelated habitat loss, to the single digits—a 1975 count put the number of wild individuals at an unlucky 13. With help from conservationists the parrots staged a comeback only to be nearly eradicated again by 1989’s Hurricane Hugo, which flattened the forest where they live. In the intervening years the parrots managed to bounce back once more, so a lot of fingers were crossed during this latest, particularly brutal hurricane season. Results varied depending on locale: one flock’s habitat on the eastern end of Puerto Rico was devastated, producing a number of post-storm parrot corpses. The flock in the hilly western region, by contrast? Did just fine. The bottom line is that these birds don’t really go anywhere when they feel a storm coming—which, by the way, they’re able to do. Birds are sensitive to changes in barometric pressure and temperature, and to some extent they’ll adjust their behavior accordingly, eating in a hurry or seeking shelter before the onset of bad weather. Some migratory birds will reroute to avoid an approaching hurricane, but there’s no evidence of island species fleeing en masse. Instead, they really do just hunker down and see it through. With no place to shelter, aquatic birds like pelicans and herons bear the brunt of a storm, accordingly suffering worse mortality rates; some land birds have it easier, though storm-related defoliation will cause problems for (e.g.) your woodpeckers, owls, and parrots—birds that nest in the hollows of fragile older trees. With a little bad luck, a bird population can take a serious hit. Check out the chimney swifts, a bunch of whom were migrating down the east coast in October 2005 when Hurricane Wilma showed up. The storm carried individual birds as far off as Europe, and at at least 727 flock members turned up dead. We don’t know what fraction of total casualties that represents, but the next spring, chimney swift numbers were down by 50 percent in their Quebec roosting grounds.

Swept off to Europe, you say? That’s one reason it’s tough to track avian mortality in these situations. Hurricanes and tornados can deposit birds far away from areas we might look for them; small birds’ remains might be eaten by scavengers before they can be tallied. Meanwhile, even the birds that do the best hunkering don’t always stick around for a head count. Again, think what humans often experience following a catastrophic storm: they emerge from the root cellar unscathed, only to discover a radically changed landscape, scarce food and water, etc. Ditto for the birds. Survivors may wander afield looking for food if their usual sources have dried up. (This yields its own mortality factor—outside familiar neighborhoods, the birds sometimes get shot by humans trying to keep them away.) In the worst cases their habitats have been destroyed; here, too, the severity of this varies by species, with nectar drinkers and seed eaters (hummingbirds, doves, et al) being particularly vulnerable. That’s relative, anyway, to the insectivores and raptors, not that they’re exactly on easy street. One Caribbean bug-eater of particular concern is the near-endangered Barbuda warbler, at least some of whom made it through the recent storms down there; there’d been worries that the species (pre-storm population: 2,500, tops) might get wiped out altogether. In the aftermath, conservationists had to scramble to get the birds some food—at the same time everyone on Barbuda was scrambling to deal with damage to 95 percent of the buildings on the island. Admirable priorities, sure. But stepping up for the warblers was the least we could do, honestly, seeing as we’re the reason they’re having trouble to begin with—there’s really no such thing as a “natural” disaster anymore. As plenty of ornithologists have pointed out, birds have weathered big storms for ages, or not; that’s called natural selection. It’s people who’ve ratcheted up the environmental pressures: shrinking avian habitats, disrupting food sources, putting in oil pipelines and chemical plants that rupture and leak, and, of course, altering the climate such that more and stronger storms are increasingly inevitable. It’s a good thing, I suppose, that the birds are getting so much practice battening down the hatches—they’re going to need it. n

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Going, Going, Gone?

Rights to a sizable chunk of public lands is up for grabs. BY JONATHAN P. THOMPSON comments@cityweekly.net @jonnypeace

nearly all of the 1.4 million acres offered by the BLM for lease in six Western states in 2017. A vast majority of the protests were dismissed or denied. From 1988 to 2016, an average of 3.43 million acres—or more than 5,300 square miles—of federal land was leased out to oil and gas companies each year. The leases vest the companies with property rights to extract oil, gas or other resources from the land. Those rights are retained for the term of the lease—10 years or more without development and indefinitely after production begins. If the land becomes a national monument or gains other protected status during the lease, the property rights remain in place. By the end of the 2016 fiscal year, private interests controlled more than 27 million acres of federal land through leasing. Before the leaseholder can scrape away a half-acre of vegetation and topsoil for a well pad and drill miles into the earth, it must get a drilling permit. While public input is typically not a part of the permitting process, the public has an indirect voice by way of the regulatory framework officials must work within when issuing the permit. This process represents the last vestige of public ownership over the leased land. Now, Zinke is doing his best to blow that process to bits. The Interior secretary has weakened regulation of fracking, methane waste and other emissions and reopened a loophole that was closed under President Barack Obama to reduce royalty fraud on public lands. Now, he’s looking to axe older rules, too, many of which protect wild spaces and cultural resources from development. Under Zinke, industry will run over the public lands like they own the place, and land management agencies (public employees on public lands) will have little power to stop them. So, while Zinke has repeatedly expressed his vociferous opposition to wholesale federal land transfers, his enthusiasm for leasing adds up to the same thing. The Interior secretary is running a de facto privatization scheme. Zinke’s zeal is now being tested in northern New Mexico’s San Juan Basin, whereas part of the March auction, the BLM is scheduled to lease 4,434 acres of land that is culturally significant to Navajo and Pueblo peoples. The BLM has received 120 formal protests against the sale, including from the All Pueblo Council of Governors (a consortium of 20 tribal nations), four Navajo chapters, the National Trust for Historic Preservation, eight environmental groups, the Pueblo of Acoma and numerous individuals. We have yet to see how the BLM will respond to these official protests, but when it does, we’ll know who really calls the shots and who really owns our nation’s public lands. CW

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Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke speaks about reducing Bears Ears National Monument at the State Capitol during President Trump’s December visit.

FEBRUARY 8, 2018 | 11

Jonathan Thompson is a contributing editor at High Country News. He is the author of River of Lost Souls: The Science, Politics and Greed Behind the Gold King Mine Disaster.

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tarting this month, hundreds of corporate representatives can sit down at their computers, log into something called Energynet, and bid, eBay style, for more than 300,000 acres of federal land spread across five Western states. They will pay as little as $2 per acre for control of parcels in southeastern Utah’s canyon country, Wyoming sage grouse territory and Native American ancestral homelands in New Mexico. Even as public-land advocates scoff at the idea of broad transfers of federal land to states and private interests, this lessnoticed conveyance continues unabated. It is a slightly less egregious version of the land transfers that state supremacists, Sagebrush Rebels and privatization advocates have pushed for since the 1970s. It’s called oil and gas leasing, conducted under the Mineral Leasing Act of 1920. With President Donald Trump touting in his State of the Union speech that Republicans have “ended the war on American energy,” you can expect leasing to ramp up in years to come. While title to the land is not transferred in these cases, the power of public oversight, which puts the “public” in public lands, is. Leased land—including 43 parcels covering some 51,400 acres across San Juan and Grand counties open for bidding on March 20—remains under federal control, meaning that the companies operating there are subject to federal regulations and oversight, public access to the land is retained, and the American public still has a say over what happens there. But only theoretically. In practice, the public has very little voice in the leasing process or the permitting of development that follows. After an oil and gas company or the Bureau of Land Management nominates parcels for leasing, the public is given a chance to comment or file a formal protest. Quite often, these protests fall on deaf ears. BLM data show that over the last 20 years, the number of parcels protested has no bearing on how many were removed from bidding. The Obama administration tried to give the public a bit more say on the front end of the process with its master leasing plans, but Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke killed the rule, and public impotence appears to be worsening. A recent analysis found that hundreds of protests were lodged against

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Governor

From hardball to oddball, these nine candidates could potentially one day run the state. By Dylan Woolf Harris

dwharris@cityweekly.net

duties, when one’s mind starts to inquire: Who’s got the kidney and the stones to be the next governor? Without worries about term limits, Herbert probably could enjoy smashing defeats at the polls in perpetuity or until his batteries run out, and he’s shipped back to the Utah County warehouse that manufactured him. But let’s not allow Herbert’s

popularity to stop us from speculating who will be the next contestant to occupy the Governor’s Mansion. In the world of politics, after all, the jockeying for a rung on the political ladder is appreciably more fun to spectate than dayto-day governance. The reality is, who knows if Herbert is going anywhere. He seems to enjoy signing bills, making monthly KUED

7 appearances, swatting Sharknado sharks with his Andre Agassi tennis racket, acclaiming Utah’s economy and standing his ground at the cost of lucrative outdoor retailer conventions. By the time the 2020 election dawns, it’s worth noting, Herbert will have been in office for more than 11 years—the second-longest gubernatorial tenure in Utah history. That is if he lasts until 2020. Maybe President Donald Trump will ask Herbert to fill an advisory role once Jared Kushner is voted off Trump Island. Probably not, though, meaning Herbert won’t be added to the list of a few recent Utah governors who were poached by sitting U.S. presidents for new assignments. Herb’s predecessor, Jon Huntsman Jr., let’s remember, was selected by President Barack Obama in 2009 to serve as ambassador to China before a feeble White House bid in 2012. And in 2003, Gov. Mike Leavitt was appointed head of the Environmental Protection Agency

(and later the Department of Health & Human Services) by President George W. Bush. Gov. Olene Walker, the state’s first and only woman governor, served out the rest of Leavitt’s term but was rejected by the GOP nominating convention. Nowadays, whenever a high-profile Republican shifts a little in their seat, the rumor mill sputters to life, and there’s been a lot of revving lately. Is this guy positioning himself for a gubernatorial bid? Oh, but what about him? We collectively ponder. So, yeah. It’s 2018 and we’ve still got a midterm election in November, but do you think that’s going to dissuade City Weekly from looking ahead to 2020? Not as long as next-in-liners keep announcing they are ready for a new chapter. Who’s a possibility? To paraphrase Natalie Portman, here’s a list of the all-white, male contenders (plus a yellow one).

Actually, before Herbert left for the hospital, he officially ceded control to Lt. Gov. Spencer Cox, who used his elevated platform to tweet out a series of goofy proclamations, including one that demanded Wyoming alter its border to #MakeUtahRectangularAgain. So, it was kinda crazy. It’s moments like that, where an elected leader is temporarily relieved of his

@dylantheharris

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It wasn’t so long ago that Gov. Gary Herbert was being bothered by a pair of kidney stones. This uncomfortable malady became all of our business when the governor underwent surgery on the afternoon of Jan. 26 to have the stones removed and, one imagines, summarily tossed into the nearest trash bin. (We’re pleased to report that by all accounts the operation was a success and he is recovering.) While under the knife, though, Herbert relinquished control of the governorship—and preppers and pessimists were no doubt embracing for the rudderless state to devolve into the type of anarchy that usually only manifests on Interstate 15 between 7200 South and Lehi every weekday during rush hour.

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House Speaker Greg Hughes

Why? There is nothing in the rulebook that mandates Hughes wade neck-deep into Utah’s homeless situation. And yet, the house speaker set up shop near the shelter on Rio Grande Street, where he witnessed drug dealers brazenly sell narcotics while blending in with the state’s most vulnerable individuals. So he put his foot down and teamed up with the city and the county in a sweep inspirationally dubbed Operation Rio Grande. Hughes often says that homelessness is not a problem isolated to Salt Lake City, but instead is a burden the entire state must shoulder. If that doesn’t sound like a phrase to add to an executive résumé, nothing will. When Hughes announced 2018 would be his last year in the House, he was asked if that meant he had grander political aspirations. Rope-a-doping around the question like the seasoned politician he is, Hughes offered a non-answer answer. But he left what felt like a clue: state government, he said, sounds more appealing than being a cog in Washington. Why not? Hughes was one of the first Utah Republicans to eagerly support Donald Trump’s presidency. That’s fine. Let a guy vote for whom he wishes, but Utah, despite being redder than a Soviet strawberry, is lukewarm to the current GOP ringleader, and Hughes’ association might turn out to be an anchor. Consider the last three Republican presidential candidates: 62 percent of the state voted for John McCain in 2008; 72 percent voted for Mitt Romney in 2012; and only 45 percent of the vote went to Hughes’ guy, Trump.

Lt. Gov. Spencer Cox

Why? Everybody seems to like this guy. Probably because Cox is great at reading a room. He’s equal parts humble, whimsical and stately. Not one for partisan squabbles, Cox is certainly a peacemaker. And the path leading from lieutenant governor to governor is a natural progression. This much we know: prominent members of Cox’ party were nudging him to run for higher office. Cox admitted as much on Twitter when he announced that after prayer and family meetings, he had decided not to run for Orrin Hatch’s soon-to-bevacant Senate seat. It’s hard to imagine that same group of shadow kingmakers isn’t coaxing Cox to run the state. We also know that while Herbert was incapacitated last month, Cox ran the show, and in the aftermath the Great Salt Lake is still salty and doTERRA is still hosting its convention in the state. Why not? He might not want it. Cox likes to say that he hopes to one day return to farmlife in Fairview, where one imagines he rests his feet on a porch banister, tips a Stetson low over his eyes and chews on a wheat blade as woke crickets serenade him to sleep. Or where he grumbles to himself as he watches the Jazz on TV. Whichever.

Former Rep. Jason Chaffetz

Why? It’s all in the (domain) name. When Chaffetz announced that he would be stepping down from his seat in Congress less than six months after his 2016 re-election to spend more time with his family, everyone tried to figure out why he was really leaving. Turns out, it was to appear on Fox News, but all the rooting around uncovered that a few conspicuous internet addresses rerouted you to Chaffetz’ congressional site, implying his team registered them. Chaffetz is also a staunch conservative, and a considerable chunk of the electorate likes those credentials. Why not? If the salvo at Chaffetz’ last congressional town hall meeting is any indication of how the other faction of the electorate will react to his public appearances, they might be hoarse before he’s officially sworn in. Then-congressman Chaffetz, who chaired a powerful oversight committee and had committed himself to finding a Benghazi scandal and then linking it to Hillary Clinton, lost his steam when she lost the election while some waited for Chaffetz to pursue Comrade Trump with the same gusto.

Gov. Gary Herbert

Why? Because he’s Gary Effing Herbert, that’s why. Eleven years? Big deal, get Guinness to the Beehive because Herb could break the gubernatorial record (12 years) if he wants. From humble beginnings as a Utah County commissioner who was plucked from political obscurity to serve as lieutenant governor by Huntsman Jr., Herbert undoubtedly looks back at his reign with a satisfactory sense of pride. If the 2016 GOP delegate vote is any indication, support for Herbert is slipping among the right-wing in his party. But for moderates, that could be a plus. Herbert took over as America slowed into a Great Recession, and Utah wasn’t immune. More than a decade later, however, the state’s economy is humming. Why not? Herbert has some ’splainin’ to do: Why, for starters, was he unable to secure Medicaid expansion? An estimated 100,000 Utahns fell into a coverage gap while Herbert was head of the state. Herbert also had to wipe egg from his face after tape surfaced of the governor asking campaign donors for money and then telling them that they’d have his ear, labeling himself a regular “Available Jones.” More like “Quid Pro Quo Jones,” right?

President Russell M. Nelson

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Why? Why not? Let’s go full on theocracy. Marry the church and the state like it was a heterosexual, monogamous (post-1890) groom and the bride of his choosing. There’s no better adviser than the man upstairs, and Nelson has him on speed dial. Plus, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has experience administering a 10 percent flat-tax, building things, managing welfare reserves and PR spin after insiders leak documents. Win-win. Why not? Say “So long!” to drinking coffee and driving, or Sunday morning brunch, or blaspheming under your breath as you huff up the hill to the Capitol. Amen.

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Sen. Orrin Hatch

Why? What do you call a senator who’s spent more than four decades writing patriotic songs when he isn’t passing bills? You call him to the governor’s mansion, perhaps? Borin’ Orrin, as he’s known to the barflies at a downtown dive, isn’t as spry as he once was. But who is? Hatch has name recognition up the wazoo, he’s got friends in the right places and imagine how annoyed he’d make The Salt Lake Tribune editorial board, which recently suggested it was time Hatch left the public arena, only to have him jab his way into Herbert’s chair, invisible reading glasses and all. Why not? History is on his side, as Hatch was born when the Holy Roman Empire ruled the roost, or thereabouts. Also: If you’re in the pro-Bears Ears camp, Hatch is almost wholly to blame for its downsizing. He was the one who incessantly nagged the president and asked for its undoing.

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The Democratic Field

Why? As we near 2020, the Democratic Party will publicly galvanize their base and prop up their candidate and hope for a miracle. Who will that nominee be? Last election, Mike Weinholtz held his own against Herbert, until, that is, poll results started coming in. Salt Lake County Councilor Jenny Wilson is eyeing a U.S. Senate seat, so the 2020 election might be a short turnaround after 2018. Former 3rd District House candidate Dr. Kathie Allen isn’t running for a statewide seat until gerrymandering is fixed … or something. Similarly, Salt Lake County Mayor Ben McAdams is gunning for Rep. Mia Love. Why Not? Democrats are understandably annoyed when they aren’t taken seriously as possible victors in statewide elections. With that said, even if you abstain from hot drinks you can read these tea leaves. The last time a member of their party elected a governor was in 1977.

Salt Lake Bees Mascot “Bumble”

Why? Bumble gets it. He knows that Utahns still yearn for the great American pastime that is Blining it to the closest hotdog-rotating concession stand. And he’s an ambassador for minor league baseball, too. But the real draw is that Bumble is a bug of the people. The Bees recently announced a promotion that entails Bumble delivering Valentine’s Day gifts called Bumblegrams (yeah, yeah …) to loved ones. Don’t we deserve a governor who won’t shy away from his constituents, who will take to the pavement, who will spread the spoils, even if he is an insect? Why not? Can anyone say they know the real Bumble? His bulbous opaque eyes are emblematic of Bumble’s shrouded anonymity. How do we even know those Valentine’s Day deliveries will reach beloved sweethearts and not clandestine paramours. Plus, he’s a plush insect. While we’re at it, wouldn’t it be fascinating to dissect all the viable candidates who are possible replacements for Sen. Hatch in the Senate?! A list that includes Mitt Romney and … well …

Mitt Romney

Why? Utah loves The Mitt. Savior of the 2002 Salt Lake City Winter Olympics, former Massachusetts governor, a rich but wholesome businessman, what’s not to like? Even that photo of Romney looking like a hostage victim sitting next to Trump while they dine on French cuisine doesn’t diminish Romney’s charm. All these guys are members of the Mormon faith, but Romney seems to embody the popular Utah religion to a degree the others can’t quite reach (Why is that? The dapper, Bishop-cut hairdo?) Why not? Because once Romney is thrown into the turgid ocean that is Congress, he might find it’s just easier to float with the president’s current than resist and find himself tired, alone and floundering. The Democrats are already painting Romney as a carpetbagger. State Sen. Jim Dabakis, D-Salt Lake City, for one, jokingly pretends that Romney’s advisers are coaching him with binders full of information on Utah geography. In the end, these races could go to a politician who has yet to emerge or who we’ve neglectfully overlooked. Sometimes you just can’t predict the outcome. Look at 2016, for example. If that election has taught us anything, it’s that no matter how many polls you read, the winner will most likely be the candidate the Russians pick. CW

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mon, feb. 12 | kilby court

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ENTERTAINMENT PICKS, FEB. 8-14, 2018

MIHAELA BODLOVIC

MERRY MAGEE

MICHAEL SCHWARTZ

Complete listings online at cityweekly.net

THURSDAY 2/8

FRIDAY 2/9

SATURDAY 2/10

When playwright Taylor Mac’s Hir was first published in 2015, it might have felt a bit ahead of its time. The story—which deals with an American soldier returning from war to find that his sister is transitioning to male, his father has had a severe stroke and his mother has dressed her abusive, now-incapacitated spouse like a clown—comes to Salt Lake Acting Co. in the middle of the #MeToo moment, addressing gender and masculinity in a way that’s now being questioned everywhere. “We invite an audience … to our productions knowing that they will, no, hoping they will be tuned into the controversies happening in our daily existence,” director Tracy Callahan says, “therefore I try to be acutely aware of how every theme or idea within the play might land with them. Yes, I do believe current events including the MeToo movement, as well as the political climate, will be on people’s minds, and rightly so.” It’s tricky balancing heavy issues like transgender identity and domestic violence with dark comedy—Mac refers to it as “absurd realism,” according to Callahan—as characters in the play begin to throw off roles they feel had restrained them. Callahan says, “Walking this line has been a challenge, but an exciting one, especially when we are dealing with such important and often dark subjects. … This play leans into these controversies and never apologizes for going the distance. Mac uses comedy right next to violence, abuse shoulder to shoulder with tenderness and acceptance—really quite extraordinary.” (Scott Renshaw) Hir @ Salt Lake Acting Co., 168 W. 500 North, 801-363-7522, through March 11, dates and times vary $24-$43, saltlakeactingcompany.org

Anyone who grew up listening to NPR would instantly recognize Paula Poundstone’s voice, even if they couldn’t quite tie it to her name. Regularly appearing as a panelist on NPR’s popular comedy news quiz, Wait, Wait…Don’t Tell Me!, Poundstone has made a name for herself as a dynamically witty comedian, and Salt Lake City gets the chance to appreciate her skill live at the Jeanne Wagner Theatre. The immensely talented Poundstone was recognized on Comedy Central’s “The 100 Best Standup Comics of All Time,” has won an American Comedy Award for Best Female Standup Comic, starred in several HBO specials—the list goes on and on. She’s even written two books, the most recent of which is The Totally Unscientific Study of the Search for Human Happiness, published in May 2017. In addition to writing books, her regular gig on Wait, Wait…, performing in comedy shows and taking care of her 14 cats and two dogs (you read that right), Poundstone also hosts her own podcast, Live From the Poundstone Institute, covering actual research studies that seem to demand someone laugh about them. Poundstone herself claimed in a 2017 interview with NPR, “It’s the only podcast with coffee spilled all over it, which keeps it stimulating,” while her cohost and Institute’s director of research (and fellow Wait, Wait…Don’t Tell Me! alum) Adam Felber describes it as “Where higher learning meets, ‘Dude, are you high?’” Pop-Tarts connoisseur Poundstone is sure to bring that wit with her for this performance. (Casey Koldewyn) Paula Poundstone @ Jeanne Wagner Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, 801-355-2787, Feb. 9, 7 p.m., $49.50, artsaltlake.com

At just 28 years old, Scott Silven has the smoldering good looks of a pop idol and the casual, commanding stage presence of a performer twice his age. But he’s been studying the art and craft of illusion since he was just a teenager, headlining his first gigs in the U.K. by the age of 21, so the Scottish native isn’t so much a precocious genius as he is a hard-working entertainer who only makes his trickery look easy. It’s a gift he showed off in 2017 in a visit to the Today show, where he baffled host Megyn Kelly by engaging in a bit of audience-generated word association. After one audience member started with a word—“sex”—that bounced around to several other volunteers for the next word in the chain before Kelly’s final word choice, Silven casually pulled a slip of paper out of a book on a nearby table, on which was written that final word. This week, Silven brings his latest show, Wonders at Dusk, to Utah. But rather than a kind of theatrical spectacle built on impressive staging and grand-scale props, Silven prefers an intimate setting where it’s even easier for spectators to feel like they’re part of something truly other-worldly. Seated on the stage of Kingsbury Hall, attendees join Silven for an up-close experience that combines storytelling, sleight-of-hand and a chance to wonder if it really is possible for somebody to read your mind. It all might be the result of more than a decade of study, but it sure feels like magic. (SR) Scott Silven: Wonders at Dusk @ Kingsbury Hall, 1395 E. Presidents Circle, 801-581-7100, Feb. 10, 7:30 p.m., $10-$30, tickets.utah.edu

Salt Lake Acting Co.: Hir

Paula Poundstone

COURTESY JOHN OHURLEY

ESSENTIALS

the

Scott Silven: Wonders at Dusk

SATURDAY 2/10

John O’Hurley: A Man with Standards Clearly, actor, singer, musician and entrepreneur John O’Hurley isn’t your runof-the-mill Renaissance man. He’s become a familiar face to TV audiences over the years, thanks to his tenure as host of Family Feud and the reprised edition of To Tell the Truth, his dazzling turn on Dancing With the Stars and the recurring part he plays as announcer for NBC’s popular Thanksgiving National Dog Show special. Still, he’s best-known as Elaine’s glib but slightly bewildering boss J. Peterman on Seinfeld, a part that garnered him a Screen Actors Guild Award while making him famous worldwide. Later, life imitated art when he joined the real J. Peterman in his company of the same name. Those triumphs alone would be enough to secure his stardom, but being the overachiever that he is, O’Hurley has established himself in other realms as well. As a pianist/composer/ recording artist, he’s climbed the Billboard charts. His performances as King Arthur in Spamalot and Billy Flynn in Chicago made him a leading light on Broadway. By lending his voice to animated hits incuding Spongebob Square Pants and Phineas and Ferb, he also became a family favorite. Consequently, this evening of music, musings and memories ought to make for an eclectic encounter. In an email, O’Hurley describes it as “the stories of my life with the music of my life ... plus one tear.” That sets a high standard indeed. (Lee Zimmerman) John O’ Hurley: A Man With Standards @ DeJoria Center, 970 N. State Road 32, Kamas, 8 p.m. Feb. 10, $40, 21+, dejoriacenter.com

A&E

DANCE

Learning to Fly

Alvin Ailey II offers a training ground for young professional dancers. BY KATHERINE PIOLI comments@cityweekly.net

Alvin Ailey II dancers perform Jae Man Joo’s Circular.

FEBRUARY 8, 2018 | 19

Ellen Eccles Theater 43 S. Main, Logan 435-752-0026 Feb 9, 7:30 p.m. $30, discounts available cachearts.org

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ALVIN AILEY II

Choreography in 2009—this Korean-born artist was a principal dancer for Complexions Contemporary Ballet (and later associate artistic director) and a dancer with Ballet Hispanico. As a choreographer, Joo has sought to combine modern dance and ballet techniques with a fluid aesthetic that eschews virtuosic flourishes. “I tend to focus on small details in the movement such as the relationship with the floor, eyes moving, body isolation,” Joo explains in a behind-the-scenes rehearsal video. “Simplicity is always key for my work. I don’t like to be overwhelmed by millions of steps.” He created Circular for Alvin Ailey II in 2016, when it premiered at the Folly Theater in Kansas City. The company is set to perform Circular as part of the program in Logan, alongside Ailey’s Revelations and Breaking Point by Renee McDonald. “These choreographers come in and pull out the very best in [our dancers],” Powell says. Certainly, for this single evening, Alvin Ailey II promises to bring the very best of modern and contemporary ballet to this small mountain town. CW

with a packed schedule of traveling and performing in the spring and fall. Although these dancers have already dedicated an impressive amount of their young energy and time to dance, Alvin Ailey II’s Artistic Director Troy Powell Powell knows from experience—he danced for Alvin Ailey Dance Theater long before moving into administrative positions—that this twoyear stint is where they really “get their feet wet.” “These dancers will eventually either go into Alvin Ailey Dance Theater or off to do other professional jobs on Broadway or in Europe. Or some become great choreographers and teachers,” Powell says in a phone conversation during a quick international tour through France, Andorra and Spain before heading to the Rocky Mountains. Throughout their term with Alvin Ailey II, dancers get a chance to learn some of the company’s most recognizable works—including performing Ailey’s 1960 masterpiece Revelations at this week’s show in Logan—but the training company also has its own repertory collection distinct from that performed by the main troupe. Part of the training company’s mission, Powell explains, is working with emerging choreographers. “We are working with choreographers who are more or less experimenting on the dancers,” he says. “Some of the stuff they come up with is really cutting edge.” One of these innovative choreographers whose work is on display at the Utah performance is Jae Man Joo. Before becoming an award-winning choreographer—receiving the Princess Grace Award for Excellence in

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

KYLE FROMAN

ook at some of the most lauded dance companies in the United States, and you might notice that many of them have secondary performing companies—a corps of young dancers rehearsing, training, performing and literally waiting in the wings for their chance to take a spot on the main stage. Alvin Ailey II is one such company—but don’t make the mistake of thinking that a second company means second-rate, or anything less than exceptional young dance talent. Originally called the Alvin Ailey Repertory Ensemble, Alvin Ailey II was formed in 1974. This was 16 years after Ailey and his group of young black modern dancers first performed in their hometown of New York City as Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater. Quickly making a name for themselves as artistic ambassadors, their first international tour was a 1962 excursion to Asia initiated by President John F. Kennedy’s Special International Program for Cultural Presentations. By the 1970s, Ailey’s dance school— which opened in Brooklyn in 1969—was attracting enough young talent that it seemed necessary to take the next step. The repertory ensemble was created as a second professional company for young dancers, giving them the training they needed to continue growing in their art form, while also allowing them to experience a full touring schedule, helping prepare them for the leap from studio to stage. Today, young dancers, mostly ages 21 to 24, still vie for the chance to work with Alvin Ailey II; only about a dozen young men and women perform with it each year. The current crop of Ailey II dancers comes from around the country—Texas, Georgia, New Jersey—and as far away as France. Their résumés are already as impressive as professionals with twice as many years behind them, and include performing works by celebrated choreographers (Ray Mercer, Alexandra Damiani, Matthew Rushing), graduation from prestigious programs and training with dance companies like Alonzo King LINES Ballet, Cedar Lake Contemporary Ballet, Joffrey Ballet and Dance Theater of Harlem. When dancers are accepted into the two-year Alvin Ailey II program, they start an intense period of full-time, fivedays-a-week studio rehearsals, along

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20 | FEBRUARY 8, 2018

moreESSENTIALS

COMPLETE LISTINGS ONLINE AT CITYWEEKLY.NET

San Francisco-based artist Jylian Gustlin combines her active-lifestyle interest in physical bodies with a fascination with mathematics and engineering for the digitally manipulated abstract paintings (“Hera 14” is pictured) in Statera, at Gallery MAR (436 Main, Park City, 435-649-3001, gallerymar.com), Feb. 9-22, with an artist reception Feb. 9, 6-9 p.m.

PERFORMANCE THEATER

Utah Philharmonia Libby Gardner Hall, 1375 E. Presidents Circle, Feb. 8, 7:30 p.m., tickets.utah.edu

Annie Draper Historic Theatre, 12366 S. 900 East, Draper, through Feb. 24, dates and times vary, drapertheatre.org Cash on Delivery Hale Centre Theatre, 9900 S. Monroe St., Sandy, through March 17, dates and times vary, hct.org Utah Symphony: Dancing & Romancing Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple, Feb. 9-10, 7:30 p.m., artsaltlake.org Hir Salt Lake Acting Co., 168 W. 500 North, through March 11, dates and times vary, saltlakeactingcompany.org (see p. 18) The Hunchback of Notre Dame Hale Center Theatre, 9900 S. Monroe St., Sandy, through March 31, dates and time vary, hit.org I and You Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, 801-355-2787, through Feb. 17, times and dates vary, artsaltlake.org The Musical Comedy Murders of 1940 Grand Theatre, 1575 S. State, through Feb. 24, grandtheatrecompany.com Passion Good Company Theatre, 2402 Wall Ave., Ogden, Feb. 9-March 3, Saturday-Sunday, 8 p.m.; Sunday, 4 p.m., goodcotheatre.com Scott Silven: Wonders at Dusk Kingsbury Hall, 1395 E. Presidents Circle, Feb. 10, 7 p.m., tickets.utah.edu (see p. 18)

COMEDY & IMPROV

DANCE

AUTHOR APPEARANCES

Alex Velluto Wiseguys Ogden, 269 25th St., Feb. 9-10, 8 p.m., 21+, wiseguyscomedy.com Alex Velluto Wiseguys West Jordan, 3763 W. Center Park Drive, Feb. 14, 7 p.m., 21+, wiseguyscomedy.com Cristela Alonzo Wiseguys West Jordan, 3763 W. Center Park Drive, Feb. 9-10, 7 & 9:30 p.m., 21+, wiseguyscomedy.com Greg Warren Wiseguys West Jordan 3763 W. Center Park Drive, Feb. 14, 7 p.m., 21+, wiseguyscomedy.com John O’Hurley DeJoria Center, 970 N. State Road 32, Kamas, 435-783-3113, Feb. 10, 8 p.m., 21+, dejoriacenter.com (see p. 18) Michael Quu Wiseguys West Jordan, 3763 W. Center Park Drive, Feb. 8, 7 p.m., 21+, wiseguyscomedy.com Paula Poundstone Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, 801-355-2787, Feb. 9, 7 p.m., artsaltlake.org (see p. 18) Phil Hanley Wiseguys SLC 194 S. 400 West, Feb. 8-10, times vary, 21+, wiseguyscomedy.com

LITERATURE

Alvin Ailey II Ellen Eccles Theater, 43 S. Main, Logan, 435-752-0026, Feb. 9, 7:30 p.m., cachearts.org (see p. 19) Ballet West: Cinderella Capitol Theatre, 50 W. 200 South, 801-355-2787, Feb. 9-25, times and dates vary, artsaltlake.org Utah Ballet II Marriott Center for Dance, 330 S. 1500 East, No. 106, through Feb. 10, times vary, tickets.utah.edu

Tamora Pierce: Tempests and Slaughter The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, Feb. 9, 7 p.m., kingsenglish.com Dan Wells: Active Memory The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, Feb. 13, 7 p.m., kingsenglish.com

CLASSICAL & SYMPHONY

FARMERS MARKETS

Salt Lake Symphony Vienna Ball University of Utah Union Ballroom, 200 Central Campus Drive, Feb. 10, 8 p.m., saltlakesymphony.org

SPECIAL EVENTS Rio Grande Winter Market Rio Grande Depot, 300 S. Rio Grande St., through April 21, Saturdays, 10 a.m.-2 p.m., slcfarmersmarket.org

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FEBRUARY 8, 2018 | 21

USU Spring STEM Fair Taggart Student Center, Utah State University, Logan, Feb. 14, 3-7 p.m., career-services.usu.edu

SEASONAL EVENTS

Ice Rink Station Park 140 N. Union Ave., Farmington, 801-923-9111, through Feb. 25, shopstationpark.com

VISUAL ART GALLERIES & MUSEUMS

OXOXOXOXO Valentine’s Day Wednesday, February 14th XOXOXOXOX

Valentine’s Day Wednesday, February 14th

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FESTIVALS & FAIRS

Valentine’s Day Wednesday, February 14th

22 | FEBRUARY 8, 2018

moreESSENTIALS

OXOXOXOXO Valentine’s Day Wednesday, February 14th XOXOXOXOX

Andrew Alba: Spring and All Chapman Library, 577 S. 900 West, 801-594-8623, through Feb. 28, slcpl.org Brian Kershisnik Meyer Gallery, 305 Main, Park City, through Feb. 9, meyergallery.com Catherine Darling Hostetter & Jeff Clay: The Art of Portraiture Local Colors of Utah Art Gallery, 1054 E. 2100 South, 801-898-0639, through Feb. 13, localcolorsart.com Chauncey Secrist: Icons: Assemblages Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801-524-8200, through March 6, slcpl.org Christine Kende Art at the Main, 210 E. 400 South, through Feb. 10, slcpl.org Desire Lines UMOCA, 20 S. West Temple, 801328-4201, through May 26, utahmoca.org Earl Gravy: Home Bodies, Away Teams UMOCA, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through May 13, utahmoca.org Eric Overton: Monument UMOCA, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through March 17, utahmoca.org George Beard: Mormon Pioneer Artist With a Camera Alice Gallery, 617 E. South Temple, through March 2, visualarts.utah.gov Heydar Rasoulpour Art Access Gallery II, 230 S. 500 West, No. 125, through Feb. 9, accessart.org Go West! Art of the American Frontier from the Buffalo Bill Center of the West Utah Museum of Fine Arts, 410 Campus Center Drive, through March 11, umfa.utah.edu Jenny Floor Photography: Animal Love Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801-524-8200, through March 2, slcpl.org Justin Watson: Permadeath UMOCA, 20 S.

COMPLETE LISTINGS ONLINE AT CITYWEEKLY.NET

West Temple, 801-328-4201, through March 3, utahmoca.org Jylian Gustlin: Statera Gallery MAR, 436 Main, Park City, Feb. 9-20, gallerymar.com (see p. 20) Katie Paterson: salt 13 Utah Museum of Fine Arts, 410 Campus Center Drive, 801-581-7332, through May 20, umfa.utah.edu Lawrence Magana: Our Native Color DayRiverside Library, 1575 W. 1000 North, 801-5948632, through Feb. 17, slcpl.org Leslie Randolph: Fire Paintings and MacroGalleries Marmalade Library, 280 W. 500 North, 801-594-8680, through Feb. 16, slcpl.org Lizzie Määtälä and Jared Steffensen: Woula Coulda Shoulda Nox Contemporary Gallery, 440 S. 400 West, Ste. H, through Feb. 9, facebook.com/nox-contemporary Lucy Peterson Watkins: Fiber Art Exhibit Red Butte Garden, 300 Wakara Way, 801-585-0556, through Feb. 25, redbuttegarden.org Merritt Johnson: Exorcising America UMOCA, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, May 12, utahmoca.org Miroslava K. Vomela: Vivid Image-ination Corinne and Jack Sweet Library, 455 F St., 801594-8651, through Feb. 24, slcpl.org Nathan Florence: Toward Home Modern West Fine Art, 177 W. 200 South, through March 10, modernwestfineart.com Once Upon a Time Urban Arts Gallery, 137 S. Rio Grande St., through March 4, urbanartsgallery.org Peter Ruplinger: Custom Stained Glass Anderson-Foothill Library, 1135 S. 2100 East, 801594-8611, through March 15, slcpl.org Rebecca Pyle: Paintings, Other Artwork Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801-524-8200, through Feb. 24, slcpl.org Simon Blundell: Fragmentation and Language Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801524-8200, through Feb. 23, slcpl.org Square One: Helper Artists of Utah Finch Lane Gallery, 54 Finch Lane, through Feb. 23, saltlakearts.org Tim Peterson: A Risk Taker Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801-524-8200, through Feb. 18, slcpl.org Truth and Consequences Art Access Gallery, 230 S. 500 West, No. 125, through Feb. 9, accessart.org

Kaiser’s Bar-B-Q brings Lone Star tradition to the Beehive State. BY ALEX SPRINGER comments@cityweekly.net @captainspringer

AT A GLANCE

Open: Tuesday-Saturday, 7 a.m.-7 p.m. Best bet: The two (or three)-meat combo Can’t miss: The hootin’ and hollerin’ Hillbilly Hamburger

FEBRUARY 8, 2018 | 23

truth-seeker’s curriculum. Upon cracking open the smoke-filled drum of American BBQ culture, it doesn’t take long to see that it’s as complex and nuanced as any cultural phenomenon. Once I began my foray into this competitive world, I found myself increasingly drawn to the Texas perspective—they’re all about brisket, and don’t waste time with well-guarded

| CITY WEEKLY |

True barbecue—or BBQ, as it will hereafter be designated—is one of the few true American art forms, and it deserves more respect than it gets from these weekend grillers in their “kiss the cook” aprons. Before respect comes understanding, however, and Kaiser’s Texas Bar-B-Q & General Store (962 S. 300 West, 801-355-0499, saltlakebbq. com) should be high on any

One thing many people don’t know about BBQ as an art form is that a lot of its technique was culled from the influence of German immigrants. This is the biggest reason that smoked sausage shows up on the menu, and it’s always been one of my BBQ staples. The smoked sausage at Kaiser’s is generously portioned— one link could cause serious bluntforce trauma—and damn, is it good. It’s got the characteristic snap of a sausage made with authentic casing (guts), and packs a pleasant punch of black pepper and garlic with its natural flavors. Like most authentic Texas BBQ spots, Kaiser’s also sells its meaty menu items by the pound—perfect for either casual weekend get togethers or, for the true seekers among you, finding pure BBQ enlightenment. CW

or those of you who are under the impression that barbecue is a Saturday spent grilling burgers over a propanepowered grill, it’s time to set the record straight.

go wrong with a Kaiser’s Hillbilly Hamburger ($9), which is a juicy pile of sliced brisket sandwiched between a hamburger bun struggling to maintain its structural integrity. Texas BBQ purists will want to chow down on this beast without Kaiser’s sauce—but either way, it’s smoked and carved to perfection. The joint also offers combos that let diners mix and match ribs, brisket, pulled pork, chicken and sausage, which I strongly recommend. I went with a twomeat combo plate ($15.95) with ribs and sausage. I’ve never been one to scoff at a good dry rub, but there’s something elegant about a rack of ribs that hasn’t been prepped with anything but salt and black pepper. Such a sparse seasoning strategy is indeed gutsy—it puts the meat’s flavor and the pitmaster’s smoking acumen front and center. I’m a fan of this minimalistic approach, and Chamberlain knows what he’s doing. The ribs are tender, but not so much that they don’t offer any resistance. With or without the house sauce, these, my friend, are winners.

ALEX SPRINGER

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Don’t Mess With TX

dry rub recipes. If that’s the kind of down-to-earth outdoor smokery you’re in the mood for, Kaiser’s has a juicy bone to pick with you. Kaiser’s looks and feels like owner and Texas native Gregg Chamberlain scooped up a block of his native town of Boerne and transplanted it to Salt Lake’s Central Ninth neighborhood. Its bright red exterior hides a delightfully ramshackle operation—the kind you’d find on an out of the way stretch of road deep in the heart of the Lone Star State. The interior consists of a few picnic tables—expect to get cozy with your neighbors at lunch time—and a menagerie of hand-made wall art. Everything from rusted horseshoe sculptures to welded metal roosters can be found plastered across the perimeter. You know you’re in a BBQ place worth its salt when the aroma of smoked meat hits you long before you get a chance to take a look at the menu. It’s a solid marketing tactic— once you enter, you don’t really want to leave until you try what Chamberlain has cooking. For lunch, you can’t

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24 | FEBRUARY 8, 2018

FOOD MATTERS BY ALEX SPRINGER @captainspringer

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Although Cache Valley might not be the first place that comes to mind when listing staunch advocates of Planned Parenthood, it has hosted a chocolate festival focused on raising money for the organization since 1987. Last year alone, the Cache Valley Chocolate Festival raised nearly $40,000 for Planned Parenthood of Utah and the Logan Clinic. This year marks a special occasion in the festival’s history, as it’s officially gotten big enough to warrant a space at the Riverwoods Conference Center (615 Riverwood Parkway, Logan, thechocolatefest.com), Logan’s largest event space. The event brings together chocolatiers from all over the state to test drive their tastiest recipes, and attendees can expect a sugar rush of epic proportions—all while donating to an important cause.

For the Birds

After less than a year in operation, Tracy Aviary’s Bird Feeder Café (589 E. 1300 South, 801-596-8500, tracyaviary.org) is already winning the accolades from Utah’s architectural community. The Associated General Contractors of Utah bestowed the Cultural Building Project of the Year on the aviary’s humble new dining space, which was constructed using repurposed shipping containers. Tracy Aviary has always had a reputation for mixing artistic taste with sustainability, and the colorful new addition only serves to enhance that combination. From 9 a.m.-3 p.m., Liberty Park and Tracy Aviary visitors can check out this awardwinning architectural marvel, and grab a bite to eat in the process.

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Porter’s Place Closes

After a battle with eroding sewer pipes, Porter’s Place, one of the most iconic restaurants on Lehi’s Main Street, has closed its doors. The historical steakhouse had been in operation since 1971, and its closure marks the end of a Utah County institution. Local history buffs are no doubt familiar with Orrin Porter Rockwell, the aptly named “Destroying Angel” of early Mormon settlers. Porter’s Place served as a monument to the fascinating historical figure, packed with all kinds of pioneer memorabilia. Some even claim it was haunted. According to KUTV Channel 2, owner Bob Trepanier has found a new location for Porter’s Place in Eureka, and plans to reopen next month. Quote of the Week: “There is nothing better than a friend unless it is a friend with chocolate.” —Charles Dickens Food matters tips: comments@cityweekly.net

2991 E. 3300 S. | 385.528.0181

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CHINESE SEAFOOD | SUSHI | MONGOLIAN

T E L : 8 0 1 . 9 6 9 . 6 6 6 6 | 5 6 6 8 S R E D W O O D R D TAY L O R S V I L L E , U T T E L : 8 0 1 . 9 6 0 . 9 6 6 9 | 1 2 3 S O U T H S TAT E S T R E E T, O R E M , U T

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KING BUFFET

L U N C H B U F F E T • D I N N E R B U F F E T • S AT U R D AY & S U N D AY A L L D AY D I N N E R B U F F E T

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26 | FEBRUARY 8, 2018

Cutting Edge

Trolley Square’s classic Desert Edge Brewery at The Pub isn’t just for nostalgia. BY MIKE RIEDEL comments@cityweekly.net @utahbeer

ew institutions in Salt Lake City invoke more of a sense of nostalgia in folks of a certain age than The Pub. If you were a young adult growing up in the 1970s, you probably spent some time at the converted tavern in the old trolley garages. Even when The Pub decided to brew craft beer in the mid 1990s, the loft was always filled with people looking for new experiences. Today, not much has changed; the food is still faithful to its roots, and the beer just keeps getting better. I was way overdue for a visit to one of my favorite places, so it was a good excuse to check it out in order to fill you all in on some of the great brews on the east side of Salt Lake City. Bears Ears Amber Ale: This newcomer to Desert Edge’s lineup is an obvious nod to one of the state’s more controversial regions. Its appearance is semi-hazy, with a burnt

red color that has slight orange tints along the sides of the glass. The aroma has a good balance of sweet caramel malts, light citrus and bitter hops. The taste starts off mainly sweet, but it still has a slight bitter element punching through. The hops here primarily offer citrus peel, with pine and a hint of berry popping up from the malts. The finish is less sweet than the initial maltiness, which adds to the drinkability of the beer. Overall: Ambers tend to get overlooked by many beer snobs. They’re seen as simple, and are often referred to as “entry-level beers” for aspiring beer nerds. It’s a simple ale that reminds you beer doesn’t have to be overly complex to be super-enjoyable. New Zealand Pale Ale: This pale ale is influenced by a varietal of hops from New Zealand. We start off with an orange-amber hue with a bit of chill haze and a large creamy cap. The nose is bright with fruity hops with hints of dark berries, mild melon, citrus and tropical fruits. Grapefruit peel, melon and faint tropical fruits lead off on the tongue, while caramel malts pop in next, providing the fuel that creates the aforementioned fruit salad flavors. The end has a hint of bitterness—not sharp; more earthy and herbal. Overall: It’s a nicely satisfyingly hoppy pale ale that goes down like a treat, definitely worth sampling if you stumble across it. Happy Valley Hefeweizen: It pours a cloudy orange yellow color that takes on

MIKE RIEDEL

BEER NERD

more of golden appearance when held to the light. The aroma starts off with a little bit of doughy yeast, followed by a nice lemon peel and citrus aroma; wheat bread and biscuit round it out. The taste is similar to the aroma, and it starts off with a slightly higher amount of sweetness. The doughy yeast is one of the first flavors to show up, and it quickly plays off those nice lemon juice and rind aspects that are present in the aroma. Next, the malts impart a grainy aspect to the brew. Non-hop-heads will love the finish; there’s hardly any bitterness, with only

a slight touch of lemony tartness. Overall: I wouldn’t change much about this beer; it’s good just the way it is. It has been haunting the rafters here at Trolley Square since the brewpub opened in 1995, making it a classic, just like The Pub itself. For the past year or so, Desert Edge’s brewhouse has been under the guidance of Head Brewer Chad Krusell. Krusell has managed to keep many of the favorites just as is, while adding his own flare to other newer styles. Don’t you think you’re overdue for trip to Trolley Square? As always, cheers! CW

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Like the Inca ruins from which this South Salt Lake gem takes its name, it’s a treasure trove of mystery that begs to be explored—whether or not you’re a fan of beef tripe. For those on the tripe-less end of that spectrum, the lomo saltado ($13.50 or $9.99 as a lunch special) or arroz de mariscos ($12.99, also available as a lunch special) are great places to start. The lomo is a harmonious mixture of marinated grilled steak strips, sautéed onions, peppers and tomatoes, served atop thick-cut french fries and accompanied by a softball-sized helping of white rice. The arroz de mariscos offers a mammoth portion of rice tossed with a mixture of shrimp and calamari, along with a generous helping of spicy heat. For those seeking a little adventure, make sure to check out the patasca ($11.99, pictured), a Peruvian stew where tripe is the star, accompanied by boiled potatoes and hominy, served piping hot in a broth supercharged with beef flavor. The Saturday morning desayuno buffet ($11.99) from 10 a.m.-noon is a must for someone who is either extremely hungry or wants to take a deep dive into Peruvian cuisine—or both. Reviewed Jan. 11. 3018 S. State, 801-466-4908

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A sample of our critic’s reviews

20 W. 200 S. SLC | (801) 355-3891

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REVIEW BITES

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Franck’s Restaurant

If you’re craving amazing fine-dining cuisine in Holladay, head over to Franck’s. For an appetizer, the wildmushroom tart is splendid, as is the goat-cheese crème brûlée. There’s a nod to France on the restaurant’s menu with three-cheese fondue, as well as New World specialties such as organic Southern-fried chicken, pan-seared sea bass and smoked duck breast and confit leg. Franck’s version of meatloaf is slowly braised pulled pork, veal and chicken in a blueberry-lavender sauce. Don’t miss out on their not-sotraditional take on steak: wagyu sirloin steak served with porcini purée, crimini mushrooms and blackberries. 6263 S. Holladay Blvd., Holladay, 801-274-6264, francksfood.com

FAST CASUAL DINING

Acapulco

Since 1991 this casual eatery has been serving up Mexican dishes with flavor and friendliness. Fans of freshly made authentic food rave about Acapulco, where even the tortillas are made in-house daily. Chow down on enchiladas, smothered burritos, flautas, pozole—you can even get ribs and a cheese burger. But whatever you decide on, make sure to grab a sweet dessert. And don’t forget to ask about their daily lunch specials. 4722 S. 4015 West, Kearns, 801-9641553, acapulcorestaurantutah.com

Pizzeria Limone

Since it opened, customers have been raving about Pizzeria Limone’s menu of Neapolitan pizza with a twist, premium gelato and fresh salads. Try artisan pies such as the Viola with blackberries, ParmigianoReggiano, prosciutto, house marinara and fresh mozzarella; the caprese with fresh and aged mozzarella, fresh red onions and garlic, balsamic and tomatoes; or a classic Margherita. Salad options include the Tre Sorelle with pear and pistachios, Italiano with pepperoncinis, Caesar and caprese. All of the salads come with crosta, which is crispy, chewy pizza crust served with olive oil and Parmesan. There is also a great selection of European sparkling waters and sodas. Try the fantastic limone, raspberry, vanilla or chocolate gelato for dessert. Multiple locations, pizzerialimone.net

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Wahso

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FEBRUARY 8, 2018 | 29

You know how our food makes you feel...

| CITY WEEKLY |

The concept behind this upscale Asian eatery is Shanghai in the 1930s: all Art Deco and Victorian, with imported Asian screens, an ebony fireplace, private dining rooms reminiscent of Orient Express sleeper cars—in other words, it’s an eye-popping restaurant filled with a collection of Asian artifacts from around the world. The food here elegantly matches the lofty ambience. Make a light meal out of selections from the appetizer and salad menus, such as the Bincho albacore sashimi with blood-orange ponzu. More substantial entrées include koji pork short rib, diver Scallop and caramelized Japanese eggplant. If you’re in the mood for romance, request the table known affectionately as “the love shack.” 577 Main, Park City, 435-615-0300, wahso.com

THE OTHER PLACE

Featuring dining destinations from buffets and rooms with a view to mom-and-pop joints, chic cuisine and some of our dining critic’s faves.

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Beer & Wine

GOODEATS Complete listings at cityweekly.net

The Long and Shorts of It

CINEMA

Get a leg up on your Oscars pool by knowing your short film nominees.

HAMBURG MEDIA SCHOOL

BY SCOTT RENSHAW scottr@cityweekly.net @scottrenshaw

very year, you want to participate in an office or viewing-party “pick the Oscars” contest—but then there are those damned short films categories, the bane of every casual moviegoer’s predictions, since you might as well just throw a dart for all you know about them. Fortunately, Magnolia Pictures and Shorts International team up annually to release the short film nominees to art-house theaters ahead of the awards ceremony. The documentary shorts open at the Tower Theatre Feb. 16; this week brings the animated and live-action shorts nominees. Here’s a preview of which ones might win a statuette on March 4.

Jan Lachauer combines the stories of Snow White, Little Red Riding Hood and the Three Little Pigs, as narrated by a big bad wolf (voiced by Dominic West). The storytelling is clever, though that’s mostly a credit to Dahl’s devices like turning the seven dwarfs into compulsive-gambler ex-jockeys, while the animation style is perhaps a bit too simplistic to put it over the top.

ANIMATED SHORTS

Dear Basketball: Recently retired NBA star Kobe Bryant teamed up with veteran Disney animator Glen Keane for a love letter to the sport that gave the athlete so much. The sketchy hand-drawn style produces some lovely images—a basketball net erupting like a volcano—and a John Williams score adds to the drama. It’s a bit too thin from a storytelling perspective, however, to appeal to awards voters who aren’t hoops fans. And is the world really ready for “Academy Award winner Kobe Bryant”? Garden Party: Magnificent CGI images abound in this product of the MOPA animation school in France, which focuses on frogs and toads frolicking through the interior and exterior of a mansion—which apparently has been the site of a violent intrusion. A few hilarious gags are sprinkled throughout the stunning visual achievement, but the juxtaposition of quirky and grim might be a bit too off-putting for many Oscar voters. Negative Space: Max Porter and Ru Kuwahata co-direct a stop-motion tale in which a male narrator reflects on how he bonded with his father over learning how to pack a suitcase. While it’s a unique style in a category that’s often dominated by computer animation, and features some arresting images like clothing moving like tides onto a beach, it feels more conceptually interesting than emotionally affecting, especially given the fact that it’s ultimately a story of mourning. Revolting Rhymes: By far the longest of the nominees at 29 minutes, this adaptation of Roald Dahl’s 1982 collection of revisionist fairy-tale poems by Jakob Schuh and

DISNEY/PIXAR

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30 | FEBRUARY 8, 2018

HEY SHORTIES

Lou: Yes, Pixar is probably the favorite, thanks to this short that showed before Cars 3 in theaters. Director Dave Mullins’ wordless 6-minute narrative—about a schoolyard bully facing off against an anthropomorphic conglomeration of toys and clothing from a lost-and-found box—has both the eye-catching visual artistry to appeal to technicians, and the emotional hook of finding a compassionate approach to someone who victimizes others.

LIVE-ACTION SHORTS

The Eleven O’Clock : Director Derin Seale offers a hilarious 13 minutes that feels like a lost Monty Python routine, as two men (Damon Herriman and the short’s writer, Josh Lawson) face of in a psychiatrist office over which one of them is the real doctor, and which is a patient with a delusion of being a doctor. The comic pacing and performances are perfectly

Adelyne Wairimu in Watu Wote: All of Us

pitched, right down to the final shot. It’s also the one nominee that’s not about a serious issue, which means it doesn’t have a chance in hell. My Nephew Emmett: The murder of 14-year-old Emmett Till by a lynch mob in 1955 Mississippi gets an earnest, somber dramatization, focused on the uncle (L.B. Williams) trying to save his life. There’s not much in Kevin Wilson Jr.’s version beyond its connection to tragic real-life events—and it even falls victim to the trope of “showing footage of the real people at the end.” The Silent Child: A teacher (Rachel Shenton, who wrote the script) in rural England works with a profoundly deaf 4-year-old (Maisie Sly) on sign language, which isn’t entirely supported by the child’s harried mother (Rachel Fielding). There’s a nice, tightly constructed story here, complemented by lovely direction from Chris Overton. A dark-horse possibility, though perhaps not as dramatic as the other two top contenders. DeKalb Elementary : Based on a true 911 call, Reed Van Dyk’s film follows an elementary school receptionist (Tarra Riggs) trying to talk down a gunman (Bo Mitchell) whose real target is the police he expects to respond. Both of the lead performances are strong, and beneath the simmering tension there’s a powerful low-key story of a woman trying to prevent a tragedy simply by connecting with a troubled man as a fellow human being. Watu Wote: All of Us: Katja Benrath’s fact-based story concerns a Christian Kenyan woman (Adelyne Wairimu) traveling by bus to a region overrun with Muslim terrorists, depending on fellow Muslim passengers to protect her. Directed with a documentary-style urgency and bluntly forceful in both its violent situations and story of self-sacrificing concern, it feels like the kind of movie voters will reward for its good intentions, and so a filmmaker can give a speech letting everyone know about this topic. CW

NEW THIS WEEK Information is correct at press time. Film release schedules are subject to change. 2018 ACADEMY AWARD NOMINATED SHORT FILMS – ANIMATION See p. 30. Opens Feb. 9 at Tower Theatre. (NR) 2018 ACADEMY AWARD NOMINATED SHORT FILMS – LIVE ACTION See p. 30. Opens Feb. 9 at Tower Theatre. (NR) THE 15:17 TO PARIS [not yet reviewed] True story of three Americans who discover a terrorist plot aboard a Paris-bound train. Opens Feb. 9 at theaters valleywide. (R) FIFTY SHADES FREED [not yet reviewed] Finale of the S&M romance trilogy between Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) and Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan). Opens Feb. 9 at theaters valleywide. (R)

SPECIAL SCREENINGS BLACK LGBTQ SHORTS PROGRAM At Rose Wagner Center, Feb. 8, 7 p.m. (NR) BUTCH CASSIDY AND THE SUNDANCE KID At Main Library, Feb. 14, 2 p.m. (PG) HIDDEN FIGURES At Main Library, Feb. 13, 7 p.m. (PG-13) KID BROTHER At Edison Street Events, Feb. 8-9, 7:30 p.m. (NR) THE SHAPE OF WATER At Park City Film Series, Feb. 9-10, 8 p.m. & Feb. 11, 6 p.m. (R)

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DEN OF THIEVES BB A boozy, boorish L.A. cop-who-gets-results (Gerald Butler) sets his sights on a methodical, heavily armed crew planning a heist and … look, you remember Heat? This is basically that. First-time director Christian Gudegast clearly has ambition to burn, and demonstrates a bruisingly kinetic touch during the film’s many scenes of driving fast and/or firing automatic weapons. Unfortunately, his script isn’t nearly as taut, revealing a shaky grasp on the nuts and bolts of police procedurals. And for a movie that runs 140 minutes, a lot of seemingly important plot details are sure left dangling. Still, your mileage will ultimately depend on your tolerance for Butler, who’s increasingly in touch with his inner hambone, and here delivers a hilariously excessive rendition of a terminally Alpha Male. Whenever he’s on screen, he manages to find a new way to scuzz things up. (R)—Andrew Wright WINCHESTER B.5 Sarah Winchester really was heir to the Winchester rifle fortune, and she really did build a mad warren of a mansion outside San Francisco, reportedly to appease or confuse the tortured souls of those killed by Winchester rifles. Did directors Michael and Peter Spierig craft a sublime psychological thriller full of subtleties about guilt and grief, or wrest a pulpy gothic reckoning out of a terrifying tale of the damage guns do? Nope. Winchester is just a straight-up haunted-house story, and can’t even do that well; the few tedious jump scares are telegraphed a mile out. The nasty, newly-arrived spirit—according to Mrs. Winchester (a wasted Helen Mirren)—is just a standard cinematic boogeyman. There’s no sense of the house’s weird geography, and not even the tiniest hint that guns are instruments of horror in this horror movie about guns. (PG-13)—MaryAnn Johanson

PETER RABBIT BBB Perhaps, in the wake of Paddington 2, this only ever had a shot at being 2018’s second-best movie based on a classic British children’s book about an anthropomorphic mammal in a blue coat, but it’s still a kid pic more with more charm than smarm. Nominally

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12 STRONG BBB Here’s a pretty unabashed tale of military hero-worship, pulled about as effectively as one could hope for: the fact-based story of Task Force Dagger, an Army Special Ops team led by fictionalized Capt. Mitch Nelson (Chris Hemsworth), assigned to help anti-

Taliban Afghan militia take down Al Qaeda in the weeks after 9/11. The script introduces several bits of character drama, and finds a reasonably solid anchor in the uneasy relationship between Nelson and an Afghan warlord (Navid Negahban). But it’s really all about the battlefield material, captured by first-time feature director Nicolai Fuglsig with crisp efficiency, even when trying to maintain the geography of multiple venues during the same battle. The soldiers mostly remain anonymous grunts—even Michael Peña is woefully underutilized—yet there’s still something undeniably stirring about watching outmanned Americans charge against missile fire while they’re on horseback. (R)—SR

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HAPPY END BB If you didn’t already know this was a Michael Haneke film, you might suspect it was the art-house equivalent of a genre parody of Michael Haneke films—and that’s not a compliment. The director fixes his chilly gaze on the upper-class Laurent family: Anne (Isabelle Huppert), who’s running the family construction business; Georges (Jean-Louis Trintignant), who’s experiencing symptoms of dementia; Thomas (Mathieu Kassovitz), Anne’s brother, who has to take in Eve (Fantine Harduin), his 12-year-old daughter from his first marriage, after her mother overdoses; and Pierre (Franz Rogowski), Anne’s black-sheep son. They’re all unhappy to varying degrees and for various reasons, and Haneke rarely makes an attempt to pull those stories together to make any larger point more profound than “these people are terrible.” Worse still, while he can make individual moments unsettling, here they feel like familiar spins on unsettling bits he’s used to better effect in earlier movies: sociopathic behavior by young people; observing violence from a distance; exploring the dehumanizing nature of technology. Those who dismissed most of his other movies as virtuosity mired in misanthropy don’t exactly need to rewrite their theses for this one. Opens Feb. 9 at Broadway Centre Cinemas. (R)—Scott Renshaw

based on the Beatrix Potter characters, it casts Peter (voice of James Corden) as a mischievous bunny who clashes with Thomas (Domhnall Gleeson), the city-dweller nephew of Mr. McGregor who inherits his uncle’s farm; neighbor Bea (Rose Byrne), an artist who loves drawing the bunnies, provides both romantic interest for Thomas and surrogate parent for Peter. Director Will Gluck makes the action more Bugs Bunny than Peter Rabbit in its slapstick intensity, and leans hard into referential humor and fourth-wallbreaking in a way that undercuts the half-hearted attempts to give Peter’s story an emotional hook. But the gags are at least generally amusing rather than annoying, with Gleeson and Byrne committing fully to playing opposite CGI critters. While it might be a low bar, it’s nice nowadays when a family film makes you chuckle more than it makes you feel bad for young viewers. Opens Feb. 9 at theaters valleywide. (PG)—SR

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Love Action

A City Weekly Valentine’s Day playlist (plus love tips).

with Natural Roots, Junior Maile, Makisi, and other special guests friDAY 2/9

Live Music

Grand Theft Audio, Eixo, the Outcome, The Echo People saturday 2/10

Live Music

brothers brimm simply b, dj cleezy Tuesday 2/13

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2/23

ginger and the gents

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BY RANDY HARWARD rharward@cityweekly.net

t could’ve been—but probably wasn’t— Valentine’s Day when I asked my fastfood coworker Terry for advice. I was off the clock, helping with closing duties so an attractive coworker and I could hang out. I was a virgin; Terry was a stud. So as I cleaned the grill for his glacial ass, and we jammed to the hot hair-metal tunes of the day, I confided in him, appealing to his experience and wisdom. Terry blanched and told me that he, too, was as pure as the driven snow. I might have known this, since he was three years younger than me—not to mention a fellow geek. He was also a total sweetheart, which is why he stopped to search deep within himself for a heartfelt and helpful tidbit. It could’ve, but definitely didn’t, lead to me becoming a master lover. I mean, I’m pretty good—but I’m only halfway through that whole Malcolm Gladwell 10,000 hours thing, so I can’t claim total mastery. I have, however, learned a great deal in my travels, having been granted ingress to many beds. So I will first share with you my own pearls of wisdom in playlist format. I could guarantee, but won’t, that it will lead to you achieving a modicum of proficiency in the boudoir. Megattack, “Are You Alone Tonight” single (RAW Delivery, 2008): Nothing is more seductive than a mid-tempo power ballad. This might be the last song recorded by these Salt Lake City/Orem hair farmers before Parrish Hultquist, one of the greatest guitarists SLC has seen, passed away. It

cuts through the bullshit with the refrain, “Oh, love doesn’t matter at all.” The Gaslight Novelty Orchestra, “Entry of the Gladiators/The Billboard March” from Gaslight Varieties: Early 20th Century Favorites (Reader’s Digest Music, 2008): So you’re in—but you must still make an entrance. When you do, rely on the “Stairway to Heaven” of entrance music. It’s bombastic, it’s jaunty and it signals to your partner that Bozo is about to enter the ring, his pennywhistle seeking a calliope. Beat Farmers, “Happy Boy” from Loud and Plowed And… Live! (Curb, 1990): We’re all born with the gear and—asexuals and eunuchs excepted—the desire to get it on. So don’t think you’re special because you got someone to go home with you. No pressure, but the spotlight’s on you. The person lying with you expects a show—and enthusiasm; they’re not gonna have fun if you’re not. Smile broadly and creepily; make them believe you’re excited to be there with them, even if you hooked up on a dare. Hubba-hubba-hubba-hubba-hubba. Kiss, “Shandi” from Unmasked (Casablanca, 1980): Is Paul Stanley singing, “Tonight molasses” or “…molest us forever?” Ooooooh—it’s “must last us.” That makes sense. Endurance is key. For those of us you without stamina, this can be tricky. But with a little finesse and shock-rock superheroes Kiss—in their new wave era—on your side, you can get credit for lasting all night by simply expressing, in a sexy falsetto, the desire to do so. When you can’t muster another thrust, your partner will realize your heart was in the right place— if not your, uh, hips. Bonus tip No. 1: Look up the video for “Shandi” and cop some of Gene Simmons’ diabolical fuck-faces. Deke Dickerson and the Ecco-fonics, feat. Claude Trenier, “Poon-tang” from Number One Hit Record! (Hightone, 1998): Trust me: Women love wordsmiths. Your dirty-talk game should be on point—

never use technical terms in the sack. In his 1989 book Dirty Words, Argentine psychologist Ariel C. Arango uses a passage from a love letter written by the French philosopher Voltaire to demonstrate that vulgarities are better than clinical terms in certain situations. “I kiss you a thousand times,” Voltaire wrote (originally in Italian). “My soul kisses yours, my cock, my heart are in love with you. I kiss your nice ass and all your person.” Surely, that’s more likely to get your paramour purring than, “I kiss you a thousand times. My soul kisses yours, my penis, my heart are in love with you. I kiss your nice rear end and all your person.” Merrill Osmond, “Save That Dress” from Never Say Never (Curb, 2004): Make your partner feel sexy. This is so basic that even an Osmond figured it out about 28 years ago, when he wrote this bump-and-grind rocker in which he begs his partner not to donate that dress to the D.I. You know, the one that covers up all of their parts, not just the unmentionable goodies, which makes him so frisky. And then, once you’ve ripped it off folded it neatly and draped it over Alexa so she can’t watch, and you’re rubbing up against each other until garment-on-garment friction releases hot fabric softener chemicals to mingle your partner’s barely detectable natural scent and—huzzah! I could do that for eternity. With the same person. Oh, yeah. Megattack, “Are You Alone Tonight” single (RAW Delivery, 2008): Yes—we’ve come full-circle. That’s the genius of this list, because it circles back to your successful seduction, this time emphasizing the line, “Why don’t we try once again?” And the song makes a nice soundtrack for Terry’s advice, which, incidentally, has served me better than any of my own. I hope, wherever Terry might be, that it’s done likewise for him. Without further ado, Terry’s Maxim for Maximum Love Action: “When you’re done, give her a hug.” CW

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2PM

THURSDAY 2/8 Cashmere Cat, MØ, Darius

Magnus August Høiberg—aka Grammynominated Norwegian DJ/turntablist/ producer Cashmere Cat—cut his teeth as an EDM guy at EDM festivals, and his music is more designed for bedroom introverts than frenzied club crowds. But he’s earned widespread acclaim for working with mainstream acts like 2 Chainz, The Weeknd, Ariana Grande, Kanye West, Charli XCX, Selena Gomez and Ludacris. So let’s be real: Mr. Cat has had his paws in a number of questionable musical projects. That said, he’s a muted and subtle producer, a world-class turntablist and super-impressive live performer, so don’t write him off based on who’s used his beats. Co-headliner MØ (real name Karen Marie Aagaard Ørsted Andersen) is an electro-pop producer out of Denmark, and she’s perhaps best known for featuring on Major Lazer’s 2015 monster hit “Lean On.” And speaking of questionable collaborations, she’s worked with Australian rapper Iggy Azalea. Ick. Darius opens. (Howard Hardee) The Depot, 400 W. South Temple, 7:30 p.m., $25 presale; $27 day of show, all ages, depotslc.com

Diet Cig, Great Grandpa, The Spook School

When you hear Alex Luciano’s cute voice and caustic thoughts get into your head, you’re dead. Diet Cig’s frontwoman is a diabolical pixy, relentlessly playfulvulnerable-defiant-honest-doubtfulcertain-wacky-serious … Oh, screw this.

Diet Cig

Ejaculating adjectives pales, pitifully, against the music. On “Sixteen,” from the New York duo’s first full-length album, Swear I’m Good at This (Frenchkiss, 2017), over fuzzy-somber chords, Luciano sings, “When I was 16/ I dated a boy/ with my own name/ it was weird/ in the back of his truck/ moaning my own name/ while tryin’ to fuck.” She laments how Alex the Dick trashed her reputation the next day, then lets a chord ring to a one-second silence. Dusting herself off, she double-time strums, asking drummer Noah Bowman— surely with a brilliant twinkle in her eye— “Ready?” Together they finish the sadly victorious story, where Luciano resolves to never be treated that way again. The ensuing 11 tracks are just as endearing, with Luciano and Bowman eating tacos for breakfast every day and celebrating her “Barf Day.” And, most charmingly, warning that, “I am bigger/ than the outside shell of my body/ And if you touch it without asking/ then you’ll be sorry.” By Swear’s end, you’re a fiend, craving drag after desperate, greedy drag of Diet Cig. Until you’re dead. (Randy Harward) Kilby Court, 741 S. 330 West, 7 p.m., $13 presale; $15 day of show, all ages, kilbycourt.com

Cashmere Cat the ironically titled Work It Out (7th Kid, 2008). The album found Newquist still churning out the dark, smart, anthemic music that, back in the day, appealed to the contentedly force-fed radioheads, but was smart and different enough for lesssnooty hipsters. It’s the last music they released, and the band’s web presence is scanty, existing only to pimp the pre- and post-Hollywood catalog. But the “enter site” button points to an animation that passes over a bridge into an open sky. What this signifies is anyone’s guess. But maybe Newquist has noticed that nowadays, the self-contained indie way is more viable than ever. (RH) Liquid Joe’s, 1249 E. 3300 South, 7 p.m., $22 presale; $25 day of show, 21+, liquidjoes.net

Caroline’s Spine

FRIDAY 2/9 Caroline’s Spine

DANIEL DORSA

34 | FEBRUARY 8, 2018

MASAHIRO SHIMAZAKI

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BY RANDY HARWARD, BRIAN STAKER & HOWARD HARDEE

Phoenix alternative rockers Caroline’s Spine toured relentlessly for four albums, building a respectable following before signing with Hollywood Records in 1997. After two albums, they left the label, playing only sporadically and reissuing older material while pursuing solo and side projects. In 2007, they reunited, undertaking a short sold-out tour before main man and multi-instrumentalist Jimmy Newquist seemed to claim the band for his own, hiring new players and issuing

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LIVE

SATURDAY 2/10

Brother Chunky, Sunhouse Healers

2.8 MICHELLE MOONSHINE

2.9 BADFEATHER

2.10 SCOUNDRELS

2.12 OPEN BLUES & MORE JAM

Brother Chunky, aka Mike Barclay, has been serving heaping plates of funky blues for more than a decade. At around the halfway mark (2013), Barclay issued his debut album, and Stuff, which showed off his slinky, swampy guitar work and goofy humor. Five more years of playing and writing find Barclay’s music stronger and more realized on his second album, Down Low (brotherchunky.bandcamp.com). Whereas on and Stuff he sounded like Steve Miller after running laps, Barclay’s found the low end of his vocal range these days, and uses it—along with more emotion and personality. It suits him, especially when paired with dirty muscular riffs on tracks like “Get on Down the Road.” He still inhabits his jolly, self-deprecating character, endeavoring to show his audience a great time, but seems even more serious about his music. Some weak spots remain, such as a tendency to lapse into same-y, ho-hum lyrical phrasings, but Barclay’s finding his groove, en route to becoming a real local blues heavyweight. (RH) Pale Horse Sound, 1989 S. 1100 East, Ste. A, 8 p.m., $13-$15, all ages, palehorsesound.com

Brother Chunky

Ginger Bess

In the ever-changing arena of popular music, there are still a number of people keeping traditional jazz standards alive and vital. In Northern Utah, Ginger Bess is part of a new generation well-versed in the repertoire of the Great American Songbook and adds her own personal imprint. Her unadorned yet dynamic vocal style is reminiscent of Rosemary Clooney, to whom she bears more than a passing resemblance. Songs like “My Funny Valentine” and “In the Cool, Cool, Cool of the Evening” get the full treatment, with her small jazz combo supporting her with tasteful accents. When not performing, she keeps busy as the music director of Kidstage at Village Theatre in Issaquah, Wash., as well as teaching voice at Utah State University and Weber State University. Originally from Brigham City, she has performed all over the country, and done a lot of musical theater, which bolsters her credibility and stage presence. You should attend to witness a stellar example of how great songs never go out of style. (Brian Staker) Ogden Eccles Conference Center, 2415 Washington Blvd., Ogden, 6 p.m., $40-$75, oeccutah.com

Ginger Bess

2.14 JOHN DAVIS

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36 | FEBRUARY 8, 2018

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THURSDAY 2/8 LIVE MUSIC

February 7th Chakana Estate Malbec, Mendoza Argentina February 14th Waterbrook Cabernet Sauvignon Reserve, Walla Walla Washington Music at 7:30.

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DE’SEAN JONES BAND RYLEE MCDONALD DJ CHASEONE2 MARMALADE CHILL DJ CHASEONE2 (RABBIT HOLE) SHUFFLE DJ MR. RAMIREZ (RABBIT HOLE) DJ DOLPH & CO. (RABBIT HOLE) MITCH RAYMOND TRIO LULU FALL WITH CHRIS JOHNSON BAND

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Cupid costume contest

THIRSTY THURSDAYS $3 pints and $3 whiskeys, $5 gin, $4 vodka, $5 tequila, $4 rum.

DJ Chaseone2 (Lake Effect) DJ Gray (Snowbird) Dueling Pianos (Deer Valley Resort) Dueling Pianos (Keys on Main) Dueling Pianos (The Spur) Dueling Pianos (Tavernacle) Gothic + Darkwave w/ DJ Nina (Area 51) The New Wave (’80s Night w/ DJ Radar (Area 51) Therapy Thursdays feat. Dr. Fresch (Sky) Youth Jam Session (The Garage)

Cupid’s Club Party

WINE WEDNESDAY & JAZZ NIGHT

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE

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The Bee (Metro Music Hall) Charles Ellsworth (The Yes Hell) Cory Mon (The Corner Store) Diet Cig + Great Grandpa + The Spook School (Kilby Court) see p. 34 Dizzy Wright (The Complex) see above Flosstradamus + TBA (Park City Live) Guitar Army (Feldman’s Deli) The Hazytones + Green River Blues + Marla Stone (Urban Lounge) Howard Jones (Egyptian Theatre) Joshy Soul & The Cool (Gallivan Center) Michelle Moonshine (Hog Wallow Pub) Mø + Cashmere Cat + Darius (The Depot) see p. 34 Pandas & People (O.P. Rockwell) Prawn + Caravela + Oh cardinals + My Dear Watson + Emma Park (The Loading Dock) Prettiest Eyes + Bad Billy Ray Club + Elsie’s Summer Experience (Diabolical) Reggae at the Royal w/ Natural Roots + Junior Maile + Makisi (The Royal) Rylee McDonald (Lake Effect)

The Travelin’ McCourys (The State Room) Tropicana Thursdays feat. Rumba Libre (Liquid Joe’s) Victor Menegaux (Downstairs)

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38 | FEBRUARY 8, 2018

THURSDAY 2/8

CONCERTS & CLUBS

MICHELLE GRACE HUNDER

Dizzy Wright

FRIDAY 2/9 LIVE MUSIC

A Sasquatch Named Yeti (Brewskis) Augustus + The Mystic + The Cold Year (The Ice Haüs) Badfeather (Hog Wallow Pub) The Bookends (Deer Valley Resort) Brother + Alon (Pale Horse Sound) Bruce Music (Silver Mine Taproom) Buzzard Whiskey (Piper Down Pub) Caleb Gray Band (The Spur) Caroline’s Spine (Liquid Joe’s) see p. 34 Channel Z (Club 90) Deli Man (Feldman’s Deli) Grand Theft Auto + Eixo + The Outcome + The Echo People (The Royal) Hearts of Steele (Outlaw Saloon) Howard Jones (Egyptian Theatre) John Allred + Michael Barrow & The Tourists + Jordan Mayes (Velour) David Bowie Tribute Night feat. Major Tom & The Moonboys + 90s Television + Static Replica + The Poppees + Will Sartain (Urban Lounge) Marmalade Chill (Lake Effect) Morgan Whitney (The Yes Hell) Naughty By Nature + TBA

SATURDAY, FEB. 10

(Park City Live) Polyrhythmics + TBA (The State Room) Sleeping With Sirens + Set It Off + The Gospel Youth + South Paw (The Complex) Steve Schuffert (Park City Mountain) The Talbott Brothers + Alicia Stockman (O.P. Rockwell) Upcharm + Your Meteor + Breakfast in Silence (Kilby Court) Wild Country (The Westerner) Z&Z (Sky)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE

All-Request Gothic + Industrial + EBM + and Dark Wave w/ DJ Courtney (Area 51) Après Ski (The Cabin) DJ Chaseone2 (Lake Effect) DJ Dance Party (Club 90) DJ Dolph (Downstairs) DJ Gonzo (Chakra Lounge) DJ Linus Stubbs (Funk ’n’ Dive) DJ Sneeky Long (Twist) Dueling Pianos (Keys on Main) Dueling Pianos (Tavernacle) Friday Night Fun All-Request Dance w/ DJ Wees (Area 51)

MONDAYS

BREAKING BINGO 9PM

This show was originally supposed to be a double-bill featuring Joyner Lucas, which would have been dope because he’s a rapper with impeccable lyricism, furious flows and a penchant for vivid storytelling. Over the past few years, he’s notched a viral hit with his timely song “I’m Not Racist,” and scored some high-profile gigs, including serving as the cypher during the 2015 BET Hip-Hop Awards, and he’s never shied away from tackling sensitive subjects such as suicidal ideation and abortion (on the song “Forever,” Lucas tells his son that if it had been up to him, he wouldn’t exist). Alas, he recently dropped from the bill, leaving only Dizzy Wright to take the mic. The Las Vegas-based MC (real name La’Reonte Wright) doesn’t have Lucas’ flashy technical skills, but rather assumes the role of a thoughtful, reflective rapper who takes a breezy and laid-back attitude toward America’s social and political turmoil. While hip-hop fans might lament Lucas’ absence, Dizzy’s plugging his second full-length of 2017—State of Mind 2 (Still Movin’), another weedfueled joint. So you can still expect thought-provoking lyrics and smooth productions from him, just through thick plumes of green fog. (Howard Hardee) The Complex, 536 W. 100 South, 7 p.m., $24.50 presale; $30 day of show, all ages, thecomplexslc.com

Funkin’ Friday w/ DJ Rude Boy & Bad Boy Brian (Johnny’s on Second)

KARAOKE

Areaoke (Area 51) Karaoke (Cheers to You SLC) Karaoke (Willie’s Lounge) Live Band Karaoke (Metro Music Hall)

SATURDAY 2/10 LIVE MUSIC

Breakfast Klub (Brewskis) Brother Chunky + Sunhouse Healers (Pale Horse Sound) see p. 36 Changing Lanes Experience (Viridian Center) Channel Z (Club 90) Citizen Soldier + Pinebreaker + Harbour Patrol + White Fire (Kilby Court) Cory Mon (Canyons Village) Elephant Revival + TBA (Park City Live) Elizabeth Hareza (Deer Resort Valley) Folk Hogan + Scheming Thieves (Funk ’n’ Dive) Ginger Bess & Her Band (Peery’s Egyptian Theatre) see p. 36 Hearts of Steele (Outlaw Saloon) Howard Jones (Egyptian Theatre)

Live Trio (The Red Door) Los Hellcaminos (The Spur) Polyrhythmics (O.P. Rockwell) Ron Pope + The National Parks + The Heart Of (The Complex) Say Hey + The Solarists + The Sardines + New Hollywood (Velour) Scoundrels (Hog Wallow Pub) Shuffle (Lake Effect) Spazmatics (Liquid Joe’s) Swagger (Piper Down Pub) Tom Bennett + George Nelson (Johnny’s on Second) Tony Holiday & The Velvetones (The Yes Hell) Undeclared Millionaire + Bigfoot & The Dog Men (The Ice Haüs) Wild Country (The Westerner)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE

Alternative/Top 40/ EDM w/ DJ Twitch (Area 51) Après Ski (The Cabin) Burlesque & The Beats (Prohibition) DJ/DC + Gonzo (Metro Music Hall) DJ Dance Party (Club 90) DJ Joel (Twist) DJ Latu (The Green Pig)

TUESDAYS

WEDNESDAYS

GROOVE TUESDAYS

KARAOKE AT 8PM

WASATCH POKER TOUR

SUN. & THUR. & 8PM SAT. @ 2PM FRIDAYS

TOM BENNETT & GEORGE NELSON

9PM - NO COVER

JOHNNYSONSECOND.COM

FUNKIN’ FRIDAY

DJ RUDE BOY WITH BAD BOY BRIAN

165 E 200 S SLC | 801.746.3334

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FEBRUARY 7

MARMALADE CHILL 10PM

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FEBRUARY 9

FUNKY FRIDAY WITH DJ GODINA

FEBRUARY 10

RANDY'S RECORD SHOP

FRIDAY, FEB 23RD & SATURDAY, FEB 24TH Most LP's valued @ $2 - $7, some $8 - $10 Over 1500 LP's added on both Fri & Sat @ 10:00 AM “UTAH’S LONGEST RUNNING INDIE RECORD STORE” SINCE 1978

Great Vinyl at Bargain $2.00 prices TUE – FRI 11AM TO 7PM • SAT 10AM TO 6PM • CLOSED SUN & MON LIKE US ON OR VISIT WWW.RANDYSRECORDS.COM • 801.532.4413

SATURDAY BRUNCH 10-3 CHASEONE2 10PM

FEBRUARY 11

SUNDAY BRUNCH 10-3 GRACIE’S SUNDAY NIGHT BLUES FEATURING HARRY LEE AND THE BACK ALLEY BLUES BAND 9PM JAKE DREIER BLUES BAND 10PM-1AM $3 Miller Lite Imperial Pints Sunday and Monday Enjoy APPY HOUR 1/2 off appetizers every day 4pm-6pm & 10pm-midnight. *Dine-In Only

Play Geeks Who Drink Trivia every Wednesday at 6:30

Play Breaking Bingo every Wednesday at 9:00

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FRIDAY FEBRUARY 9TH

TUESDAY NIGHT BLUEGRASS JAM WITH HOSTS PIXIE AND THE PARTYGRASS BOYS 7PM-10PM MEANDER CAT AT 10PM

AMERICAN HITMEN W/ GINGER & THE GENTS

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SATURDAY FEBRUARY 10TH

BLUE ON BLACK 9:00PM | 21+ | $5 COVER

4242 South State Street SLC, UT 84107 Open from 10am - 2am

326 S. West Temple • Open 11-2am, M-F 10-2am Sat & Sun • graciesslc.com • 801-819-7565

FEBRUARY 8, 2018 | 39

BARBARY COAST SALOON

WINTER $2 VINYL SALE

FEBRUARY 13

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364 S State St. Salt Lake City

FEBRUARY 8

LIVE SOUL, FUNK AND JAZZ WITH A.M. BUMP 8PM

FEBRUARY 12

MONDAY NIGHT JAZZ SESSION WITH DAVID HALLIDAY AND THE JVQ 7PM

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40 | FEBRUARY 8, 2018

SPEDELLI’S

BAR FLY

RANDY HARWARD

You know those lame signs the Utah Legislature forces bars and restaurants to hang, informing potential customers that they’re about to enter a bar or a restaurant? They’re far less helpful than the one that points to the actual entrance to Spedelli’s. Despite this pizza joint’s designation (restaurant), Spedelli’s has a full bar. You can see it through the window, which makes the sign more confusing and pointless. Irritation dissipates immediately upon opening the door and hearing Fear’s “I Love Livin’ in the City.” Punk rock and booze make for a great start to a Saturday evening. I hate to admit it, but I’ve never had an Old Fashioned—the drink, that is. My wife orders a cute little Corona-rita, a margarita/beer mix. How adorable, I think to myself. Then the drinks arrive, and mine’s the tiny cute one. Hers comes in a glass large enough to accommodate a lot of margarita, as well as the entire Corona, bottle and all. Of course, there’s a cool physics trick involved: The beer is upside-down, and only spills into the ’rita in amounts proportionate to her sips. I have fruit on the bottom of mine. It does the job, though—just not as well as the other libation. From the other side of the table, my now ruddy-faced better half says, “I like this place!” Of course you do, babe. (Randy Harward) Spedelli’s, 2991 E. 3300 South, all ages (21+ to drink), 385-528-0181, spedellis.com

KARAOKE

{THURSDAY & FRIDAYS 9PM}

POOL TOURNAMENTS MONDAYS BY CRISSIE FRIDAYS & SATURDAYS BY RANDY

TEXAS HOLDEM MONDAYS & THURSDAY

FREE FASHION SHOW EVERY WEDNESDAY NOON TILL 2PM

3425 S. State St. Suite D 385.528.2547 open 7 days a week from 11 am to 1 am

DJ Mr. Ramirez (Lake Effect) DJ Spider (Downstairs) Dueling Pianos (Keys on Main) Dueling Pianos (Tavernacle) Gothic + Industrial + 80s w/ DJ Courtney (Area 51) JGodina (Chakra Lounge) Sky Saturdays feat. DJ Karma (Sky) WSU Jazz Review (Weber State College)

KARAOKE

Areaoke (Area 51) Karaoke (Willie’s Lounge) Karaoke w/ B-RAD (Club 90)

SUNDAY 2/11 LIVE MUSIC

Harry Lee & The Back Alley Blues Band (Gracie’s) Howard Jones (Egyptian Theatre) Irish Session Folks (Sugar House Coffee)

Live Bluegrass (Club 90) Shannon Runyon (Snowbird)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE Après Ski (The Cabin) Dueling Pianos (The Spur)

KARAOKE

Karaoke (Tavernacle) Karaoke (Willie’s Lounge) Karaoke Church w/ DJ Ducky (Club Jam) Karaoke w/ DJ Benji (A Bar Named Sue)

MONDAY 2/12 LIVE MUSIC

Amanda Johnson (The Spur) Conan + The Ditch & The Delta + EXES (Urban Lounge) Distinguisher + Castaway + Born A New + Mouth Of Sheol + Delphi Quorum (The Loading Dock)

G. Perico (Kilby Court) Lights + Chase Atlantic + DCF (The Complex)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE Monday Night Open Jazz Session w/ David Halliday & The JVQ (Gracie’s) Open Blues Jam (The Green Pig) Open Blues Jam hosted by Robby’s Blues Explosion (Hog Wallow Pub) Open Mic (The Cabin)

KARAOKE

Karaoke (Poplar Street Pub) Karaoke (Cheers To You) Karaoke Bingo (Tavernacle) Karaoke w/ DJ Benji (A Bar Named Sue)

TUESDAY 2/13 LIVE MUSIC

Brian Koviak (The Spur)

CONCERTS & CLUBS COMPLETE LISTINGS ONLINE AT CITYWEEKLY.NET Brother Coyote (Piper Down Pub) Ghostemane + Horsehead (The Complex) MarchFourth! (O.P. Rockwell) Orgone + Big Blue Ox (The State Room) Pixie & The Partygrass Boys (Canyons Village) Whistling Rufus (Sugar House Coffee) Wyoming Dave (Chakra Lounge)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE DJ Dance Party (Club 90) Lifty Lounge w/ DJ Marty Paws (The Cabin) Open Jazz Jam (Bourbon House) Open Mic (The Wall at BYU) Open Mic (The Royal)

KARAOKE

Karaoke (Tavernacle) Karaoke (Keys on Main) Karaoke That Doesn’t Suck (Twist) Karaoke w/ DJ Thom (A Bar Named Sue) Karaoke w/ Zim Zam Ent. (Club 90)

LIVE MUSIC

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE DJ Baby Hippo (Prohibition) DJ Wees (Area 51)

Brisk (Downstairs)

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WEDNESDAY 2/14

The Dangerous Summer + Microwave + The Band Camino (Urban Lounge) Dent May + Moon King (Kilby Court) Jacob Sartorius + Zach Clayton + Hayden Summerall (The Depot) John Davis (Hog Wallow Pub) Lazlos (Gracie’s) Mimi Valentine & The Voodoo Darlings (The Red Door) MyChildren MyBride + Capsize + Kingdom Of Giants + The Conscience + Founders Of Ruin (The Loading Dock) The Scarlett Kiss Massacre feat. Scarlett Kiss + Shecock & The Rock Princess + Terra Flesh + Aphrodeity + Kay Bye + Eva Chanel Stephens + London Skies + Obsidian + Braxil + DJ M*SC (Metro Music Hall) Scott Klismith (The Spur) Super Diamond (Neil Diamond Tribute) + TBA (Park City Live) Tinsley Ellis + The Elders (The State Room) Winter Grain + Tiny Home (Pale Horse Sound)

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FEBRUARY 8, 2018 | 41

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friday, february 9

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DJ JARVICIOUS saturday, february 10

DJ LATU

Weeknights

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42 | FEBRUARY 8, 2018

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2.3 @ VIVA LA DIVA

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 10TH 10PM-CLOSE

SINGLE? IN A RELATIONSHIP? IT’S COMPLICATED? GAMES & PRIZES FOR EVERYONE

CUPID'S CLUB CRAWL FEBRUARY 10TH, 2018

10PM - CLOSE

AT CHAKRA LOUNGE

FEBRUARY 8, 2018 | 43

Cupid’s Club Party

| CITY WEEKLY |

UPCOMING EVENTS

NO C.

BY DAVID LEVINSON WILK

ACROSS

1. Part of CD-ROM 2. Nondairy item in the dairy aisle 3. Table salt, to a chemist 4. Beginner

45. In a cautious way 46. Tina’s costar on “30 Rock” 47. Half-step above A 48. Joe Cocker’s “You ____ Beautiful” 49. “Alice” actress Linda 51. Word never spoken in “The Godfather” 53. Audrey Hopburn and Honey Boo Brew, for two 55. Sound of a fork on a wineglass 56. Catch wind of 57. Hold ‘em opener 58. Dish that may be ladled 60. Mayhem on the far left and far right? 61. Corpulent

Last week’s answers

No math is involved. The grid has numbers, but nothing has to add up to anything else. Solve the puzzle with reasoning and logic. Solving time is typically 10 to 30 minutes, depending on your skill and experience.

DOWN

5. “Apples to Apples” toymaker 6. “Well played!” 7. ____ guitar 8. Speak 9. “____ quote ...” 10. Begin liking 11. Japanese cartoon art 12. Navel type 13. They ride trikes and rhyme with trikes 18. “Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died” humorist Bombeck 21. Online singles service that allows users to browse its website in English and Hebrew 23. Hurt on camera 24. Brickell and Falco 26. Greedy cry 27. Opening setting of George Bernard Shaw’s “Back to Methuselah” 28. What the fourth little piggy had 29. One less than quattro 31. Mother ____ 33. Virus named for a river in the Congo Basin 34. Campus home for some 35. Shrek, e.g. 36. Observed 38. Baby’s cry in “The Wheels on the Bus” 39. Bill and Hillary, to Yale 40. Some TV drama settings, for short 44. Word on many bumper stickers in Texas after the 2012 U.S. presidential election

Complete the grid so that each row, column, diagonal and 3x3 square contain all of the numbers 1 to 9.

1. “Stop that!” 5. Degs. held by George W. Bush and Colin Powell 9. Anticipate 14. “Now ____ me down ...” 15. “I Got Plenty O’ Nuttin,’” e.g. 16. Baby monitor? 17. With the grid’s circled letters, what Ernest Moniz became in 2013 19. With the grid’s circled letters, Red Bull, e.g. 20. The FCC first authorized it on 12/17/1953 21. Walker who was “Dy-no-mite!” on “Good Times” 22. Sent Manx messages, say 25. Caddie’s pocketful 26. With the grid’s circled letters, a brainiac uses a lot of it 30. Only U.S. state whose state seal was designed by a woman 32. Oxygen’s lack 33. Best of the best 34. Adversary 37. Its source is not depleted when used 41. Opposite of WSW 42. German neurologist ____ Alzheimer 43. “Bloody” 44. Coach with the most wins in NFL history 45. With the grid’s circled letters, it’s spent unproductively 47. Farm unit 50. Anteater, but not an ant 52. Donnybrook 54. “____ Greatest Hits” (1971 album that includes “Chain of Fools” and “I Say a Little Prayer”) 59. With the grid’s circled letters, exercise may increase this 60. With the grid’s circled letters, like using LED lights instead of incandescent light bulbs 62. Private remark 63. It may be junk 64. Silver of fivethirtyeight.com 65. Shades 66. 2014 Sam Smith hit “____ with Me” 67. Snowballed

SUDOKU

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44 | FEBRUARY 8, 2018

CROSSWORD PUZZLE

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY B Y R O B

B R E Z S N Y

Go to realastrology.com for Rob Brezsny’s expanded weekly audio horoscopes and daily text-message horoscopes. Audio horoscopes also available by phone at 877-873-4888 or 900-950-7700.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Charles Nelson Reilly was a famous American actor, director and drama teacher. He appeared in or directed numerous films, plays and TV shows. But in the 1970s, when he was in his 40s, he also spent quality time impersonating a banana in a series of commercials for Bic Banana Ink Crayons. So apparently he wasn’t overly attached to his dignity. Pride didn’t interfere with his ability to experiment. In his pursuit of creative expression, he valued the arts of playing and having fun. I encourage you to be inspired by his example during the coming weeks, Aquarius. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): According to ancient Greek writer Herodotus, Persians didn’t hesitate to deliberate about important matters while drunk. However, they wouldn’t finalize any intoxicated decision until they had a chance to re-evaluate it while sober. The reverse was also true. Choices they made while sober had to be reassessed while they were under the influence of alcohol. I bring this to your attention not because I think you should adhere to similar guidelines in the coming weeks. I would never give you an oracle that required you to be buzzed. But I do think you’ll be wise to consider key decisions from not just a coolly rational mindset, but also from a frisky intuitive perspective. To arrive at a wise verdict, you need both.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): The candy cap mushroom, whose scientific name is Lactarius rubidus, is a burnt orange color. It’s small to medium-sized and has a convex cap. But there its resemblance to other mushrooms ends. When dried out, it tastes and smells like maple syrup. You can grind it into a powder and use it to sweeten cakes and cookies and custards. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, this unusual member of the fungus family can serve as an apt metaphor for you right now. You, too, have access to a resource or influence that is deceptive, but in a good way: offering a charm and good flavor different from what its outer appearance might indicate. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): A grandfather from New Jersey decided to check the pockets of an old shirt he didn’t wear very often. There Jimmie Smith found a lottery ticket he had stashed away months previously. When he realized it had a winning number, he cashed it in for $24.1 million—just two days before it was set to expire. I suspect there may be a comparable development in your near future, although the reward would be more modest. Is there any potential valuable that you have forgotten about or neglected? It’s not too late to claim it.

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| COMMUNITY |

FEBRUARY 8, 2018 | 45

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): The U.S. Geological Survey recently announced that it had come up with improved maps of the planet’s agricultural regions. Better satellite imagery helped, as did more thorough analysis of the ARIES (March 21-April 19): British athlete Liam Collins is an accomplished hurdler. In 2017, imagery. The new data show that the Earth is covered with 618 he won two medals at the World Masters Athletics Indoor million more acres of croplands than had previously been thought. Championships in South Korea. Collins is also a stuntman and That’s 15 percent higher than earlier assessments! In the coming street performer who does shows in which he hurtles over bar- months, Libra, I’m predicting a comparable expansion in your riers made of chainsaws and leaps blindfolded through flaming awareness of how many resources you have available. I bet you hoops. For the foreseeable future, you may have a dual capacity will also discover that you’re more fertile than you have imagined. with some resemblances to his. You could reach a high point in expressing your skills in your chosen field, and also branch out SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): In 1939, Scorpio comic book writer Bob Kane co-created into extraordinary or flamboyant variations on your specialty. the fictional science-fiction superhero Batman. The “Caped Crusader” eventually went on to become an icon, appearing in TAURUS (April 20-May 20): When he was 32, the man who would later be known as Dr. blockbuster movies as well as TV shows and comic books. Kane Seuss wrote his first kid’s book, And To Think That I Saw It on said one of his inspirations for Batman was a flying machine Mulberry Street. His efforts to find a readership went badly envisioned by Leonard da Vinci in the early 16th century. The at first. Twenty-seven publishers rejected his manuscript. On Italian artist and inventor drew an image of a winged glider that the verge of abandoning his quest, he ran into an old college he proposed to build for a human being to wear. I bring this up, classmate on the street. The friend, who had recently begun Scorpio, because I think you’re in a phase when you, like Kane, working at Vanguard Press, expressed interest in the book. can draw inspiration from the past. Go scavenging through Voila! Mulberry Street got published. Dr. Seuss later said that history for good ideas! if, on that lucky day, he had been strolling on the other side of the street, his career as an author of children’s books might SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): never have happened. I’m telling you this tale, Taurus, because I was watching a four-player poker game on TV. The folksy I suspect your chances at experiencing a comparable stroke of commentator said that the assortment of cards belonging to the player named Mike was “like Anna Kournikova,” because luck in the coming weeks will be extra high. Be alert! “it looks great but it never wins.” He was referring to the fact that during her career as a professional tennis player, Anna GEMINI (May 21-June 20): A survey of British Christians found that most are loyal to just six Kournikova was feted for her physical beauty but never actually of the Ten Commandments. While they still think it’s bad to, say, won a singles title. This remark happens to be a useful admonsteal and kill and lie, they don’t regard it as a sin to revere idols, ishment for you Sagittarians in the coming weeks. You should work on the Sabbath, worship other gods, or use the Lord’s avoid relying on anything that looks good but never wins. Put name in a curse. In accordance with the astrological omens, your trust in influences that are a bit homely or unassuming but I encourage you to be inspired by their rebellion. The coming far more apt to contribute to your success. weeks will be a favorable time to re-evaluate your old traditions and belief systems, and then discard anything that no longer CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): A Chinese man named Wang Kaiyu bought two black-furred pupsuits the new person you’ve become. pies from a stranger and took them home to his farm. As the months passed by, Wang noticed that his pets seemed unusuCANCER (June 21-July 22): While serving in the U.S. Navy during World War II, Don Karkos ally hungry and aggressive. They would sometimes eat his chickens. lost the sight in his right eye after being hit by shrapnel. Sixty- When they were two years old, he finally figured out that they four years later, he regained his vision when he got butted in weren’t dogs, but rather Asian black bears. He turned them over to the head by a horse he was grooming. Based on the upcoming a local animal rescue center. I bring this to your attention, Capricorn, astrological omens, I’m wondering if you’ll soon experience a because I suspect it may have a resemblance to your experience. metaphorically comparable restoration. My analysis suggests A case of mistaken identity? A surprise revealed in the course of a that you’ll undergo a healing in which something you lost will ripening process? A misunderstanding about what you’re taking care of? Now is a good time to make adjustments and corrections. return or be returned.

Senior Software Architect @ Autotrader.com, Inc. (South Jordan, UT). F/T. Collaborate w/ bus, engg & prod stakeholders to drive holistic tech implmntns. Prtcipte in applic & sol arch pract across engg scrum teams. Reqts: Master’s deg (or foreign equiv) in CS, MIS, Engg (any) or rel & 1 yr exp in job offd, or Tech Arch, Dvlpr, SDET or rel. Alt., Emp will accpt Bach’s deg in a stated fld + 5 yrs prog resp exp. Must have 1 yr exp in each of fllwng skills: SDLC; Delivering applics & arch svcs in a SaaS envir incl .NET.; Implmntng dsgn & archtctrl procs in an Ent Agile Envir; Dsgng & exec web svcs in SOA sols, using REST, RPC & msgng paradigms. Emp will accpt any suitable combo of edu, training or exp. Mail resume to A. Davis & S. Chokshi, Autotrader.com, Inc., 6205 Peachtree Dunwoody Rd, Atlanta, GA 30328. Indicate job title & ref code: SK-UT. EOE.

| COMMUNITY | | CITYWEEKLY.NET |

46 | FEBRUARY 8, 2018

SUMMONS BY PUBLICATION IN THE FARMINGTON DEPT. OF THE SECOND JUDICIAL DISTRICT COURT, DAVIS COUNTY, STATE OF UTAH. CASE NO. 179705646, JUDGE ROBERT J DALE. CASCADE COLLECTIONS LLC, PLAINTIFF V. MARION KING, DEFENDANT. THE STATE OF UTAH TO MARION KING: You are summoned and required to answer the complaint that is on file with the court. Within 21 days after the last date of publication of this summons, you must file your written answer with the clerk of the court at the following address: 800 W State St., Farmington, UT 84025, and you must mail or deliver a copy to plaintiff ’s attorney Chad C. Rasmussen at 2230 N University Pkwy., Ste. 7E, Provo, UT 84604. If you fail to do so, judgment by default will be taken against you for the relief demanded in the complaint. This lawsuit is an attempt to collect a debt of $5,294.38. /s/ Chad C. Rasmussen SUMMONS BY PUBLICATION IN THE SALT LAKE CITY DEPT. OF THE THIRD JUDICIAL DISTRICT COURT, SALT LAKE COUNTY, STATE OF UTAH. CASE NO. 189900935, JUDGE LAURA SCOTT. CASCADE COLLECTIONS LLC, PLAINTIFF V. MELANIE BRONAS, DEFENDANT. THE STATE OF UTAH TO MELANIE BRONAS: You are summoned and required to answer the complaint that is on file with the court. Within 21 days after the last date of publication of this summons, you must file your written answer with the clerk of the court at the following address: 450 S State St., Salt Lake City, UT 84111, and you must mail or deliver a copy to plaintiff ’s attorney Chad C. Rasmussen at 2230 N University Pkwy., Ste. 7E, Provo, UT 84604. If you fail to do so, judgment by default will be taken against you for the relief demanded in the complaint. This lawsuit is an attempt to collect a debt of $7,081.26. /s/ Chad C. Rasmussen

SUMMONS BY PUBLICATION IN THE SALT LAKE CITY DEPT. OF THE THIRD JUDICIAL DISTRICT COURT, SALT LAKE COUNTY, STATE OF UTAH. CASE NO. 179915266, JUDGE ANDREW H STONE. CASCADE COLLECTIONS LLC, PLAINTIFF V. TAYLOR LANGSTON AND SHAYNA BRADFORD, DEFENDANTS. THE STATE OF UTAH TO TAYLOR LANGSTON: You are summoned and required to answer the complaint that is on file with the court. Within 21 days after the last date of publication of this summons, you must file your written answer with the clerk of the court at the following address: 450 S State St., Salt Lake City, UT 84111, and you must mail or deliver a copy to plaintiff ’s attorney Chad C. Rasmussen at 2230 N University Pkwy., Ste. 7E, Provo, UT 84604. If you fail to do so, judgment by default will be taken against you for the relief demanded in the complaint. This lawsuit is an attempt to collect a debt of $13,007.75. /s/ Chad C. Rasmussen

SUMMONS BY PUBLICATION IN THE SALT LAKE CITY DEPT. OF THE THIRD JUDICIAL DISTRICT COURT, SALT LAKE COUNTY, STATE OF UTAH. CASE NO. 179915254, JUDGE ANN BOYDEN. CASCADE COLLECTIONS LLC, PLAINTIFF V. JACE PAINTER, DEFENDANT. THE STATE OF UTAH TO JACE PAINTER: You are summoned and required to answer the complaint that is on file with the court. Within 21 days after the last date of publication of this summons, you must file your written answer with the clerk of the court at the following address: 450 S State St., Salt Lake City, UT 84111, and you must mail or deliver a copy to plaintiff ’s attorney Chad C. Rasmussen at 2230 N University Pkwy., Ste. 7E, Provo, UT 84604. If you fail to do so, judgment by default will be taken against you for the relief demanded in the complaint. This lawsuit is an attempt to collect a debt of $327.75. /s/ Chad C. Rasmussen SUMMONS BY PUBLICATION IN THE SALT LAKE CITY DEPT. OF THE THIRD JUDICIAL DISTRICT COURT, SALT LAKE COUNTY, STATE OF UTAH. CASE NO. 189901421, JUDGE ROYAL I HANSEN. CASCADE COLLECTIONS LLC, PLAINTIFF V. GARY GONZALES, DEFENDANT. THE STATE OF UTAH TO GARY GONZALES: You are summoned and required to answer the complaint that is on file with the court. Within 21 days after the last date of publication of this summons, you must file your written answer with the clerk of the court at the following address: 450 S State St., Salt Lake City, UT 84111, and you must mail or deliver a copy to plaintiff ’s attorney Chad C. Rasmussen at 2230 N University Pkwy., Ste. 7E, Provo, UT 84604. If you fail to do so, judgment by default will be taken against you for the relief demanded in the complaint. This lawsuit is an attempt to collect a debt of $3,009.59. /s/ Chad C. Rasmussen

URBAN L I V I N

WITH BABS DELAY Broker, Urban Utah Homes & Estates, urbanutah.com Trustee, Utah Transit Authority

Rental Woes

I recently met with a woman who wants to sell her current home and move into a different house or maybe a condo. I told her I could sell her home in a heartbeat with multiple offers, but we won’t find her a place to live very quickly. It’s like going to the store to purchase apples, but all that’s available is a brown rotten apple, an unripe apple and an overpriced red apple. I’ve shown those three apples over and over—basically, inventory is horrible. My advice was, “Rent first while we look for something to sell you!” Apartment List’s Rentonomics blog reported in December that the “national median two-bedroom rent is $1,160, up 2.7 percent” over the previous year. And a scary fact: “The share of occupied rental units under $800 fell by 27 percent from 2005 to 2016.” If you’re an hourly or lowwage earner, you’re screwed. Out of all the available rental stock, affordable housing rental inventory has decreased by almost one third. The report also found that the share of “high-income renters” in the top 100 metros increased by 4.2 percent” in that same time period. The rich get richer. The site released its monthly report for January and found that rents are on the rise in Salt Lake City, with the median two-bedroom apartment rent up 6.3 percent in the past year. Although the national average for a two-bedroom rental is $1,160, Rentonomics found SLC’s median to be $1,050 for the same unit. Lenders like to see that your housing cost is no more than a third of your monthly income. If you’re earning $16 an hour, multiplied by 2,080 hours in a year working 40 hours per week with no time off, your gross wage would be $33,280— about $2,773 per month. A lender would say you could have a mortgage payment of $875 (not including utilities) or less per month if you have low debt and great credit. Futz with your debt and put high balances on credit cards or be late on payments and you wouldn’t qualify for even that amount. On a $200,000 home, with $100,000 as a down payment at 4 percent interest, your estimated house payment would be $831 (including interest, principal, taxes and insurance). But who has $100K to put down and where’s a $200,000 home to buy? That’s less than two-thirds the cost of a home in SLC on the market right now (the median list price is $330,000 according to realtor.com). And if low-income rental inventory drops by a third every decade, prices will certainly increase quickly given that we’re one of the fastest growing areas in the country. n Content is prepared expressly for Community and is not endorsed by City Weekly staff.

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University of Utah Hospital will be destroying radiology films with dates of service prior to 01/01/2008 and medical records with dates of service prior to 03/01/1996. Moran Eye Center will be destroying records with dates of service prior to 01/01/1987. If you would like access to your films or records prior to destruction, you must contact the respective facility: 801-581-2350(Radiology) ; 801-581-2704 (University Hospital) ; 801-585-6606 (Moran) before 03/01/2018. After that time the records will no longer be available

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News That Sounds Like a Joke In Turkmenistan’s capital, Ashgabat, drivers of black cars are facing high costs to repaint their cars white or silver after President Gurbanguly Berdymukhammedov banned black vehicles because he thinks the color white brings good luck. Police began seizing dark-colored vehicles in late December, and owners have to apply for permission to repaint and re-register them. The average wage in Ashgabat is about $300 a month (or 1,200 manats); one Turkman told Radio Free Europe that he was quoted 7,000 manats for a paint job, but was told that the price would rise within a week to 11,000 manats. “Even if I don’t spend any money anywhere, I will be forced to hand over pretty much my entire annual salary just to repaint,” the unnamed man said, adding that his black car had already been impounded.

BY T HE EDITO R S AT A ND RE WS M cMEEL

We sell homes to all saints, sinners, sisterwives &

Lovebirds

too, will be turned away at the door, reported The Tennessean on Dec. 21. But in a dizzying twist of irony, McNally and Harwell will continue a policy they enacted last year, which allows holders of valid gun permits to bring their weapons into the building.

WEIRD

Bright Idea Noting that “nobody else has done it,” on Jan. 4 Nebraska state Sen. Paul Schumacher of Columbus proposed a novel constitutional amendment with the goal of stimulating growth in western Nebraska: Delegate complete or partial sovereignty over a designated, limited and sparsely populated area. “If I were a major business, I would not want Omaha or Lincoln ... telling me what to do,” Schumacher said. The Lincoln Journal Star reported that the senator believes his concept would attract businesses looking for no state or local taxes and no state or local regulations. It presents the opportunity to “have your own state,” he explained. The Nebraska legislature must approve the resolution before citizens get a chance to vote. Public Safety Tennessee’s legislature has a newly renovated home in the Cordell Hull building in Nashville, so Lt. Gov. Randy McNally and House Speaker Beth Harwell have been busy outlining some new rules. “Hand-carried signs and signs on hand sticks” will be strictly prohibited because they pose a “serious safety hazard.” Animals,

n A Facebook event calling for a candlelight vigil to remember a destroyed Taco Bell restaurant in Montgomery, Ala., started as a joke. But according to United Press International, about 100 people showed up on Jan. 21 to pay their respects to the popular fast-food restaurant, which burned down on Jan. 17 after electrical equipment sparked a fire. The owner promised to rebuild and “have a true celebration upon re-opening.”

Take That! In Dresden, Germany, police reported that two men were injured on Jan. 15 after hitting each other with their cars in consecutive accidents. The first man, 49, pulled into a handicapped parking spot, then saw his mistake and backed out, accidentally hitting a 72-year-old man walking behind the car. The two men exchanged information for a report, then the older man got into his car and reversed out of his parking spot, hitting the younger man. Both men suffered only slight injuries, according to the Associated Press. For the Love of Animals Richard the 15-year-old pony, of Bridgton, Maine, has had a rough winter. He was suffering from cancer of his penis and infection when temperatures plummeted to negative 25 degrees, which caused frostbite. As a result, part of the animal’s flesh broke off while he was being examined, the Associated Press reported. The Animal Rescue Unit in Bridgton has taken responsibility for the pony and has raised more than $4,000 for his care, including reconstructive surgery. Brogan Horton of Animal Rescue Unit said the goal is for Richard to live out his life pain-free.

Julie “Bella” Hall

Realtor 801-784-8618 bella@urbanutah.com

Selling homes for 5 years

Babs De Lay

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Your home could be sold here. Call me for a free market analysis today.

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