City Weekly February 22, 2018

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Count My Vote is a Tale of Two Candidates—one who’s in office and the other who’s likely to be. Big sigh from Democrats for whom this initiative makes no difference at all. First, there’s U.S. Rep. John Curtis who may or may not be conservative or progressive, but who definitely is political. He got a lot of flak from the far right for beating their preferred ideologue Chris Herrod by gathering signatures to get on the ballot. And now we have Mitt Romney, who, like Curtis, is called a stealth Democrat and worse, a carpetbagger. The Salt Lake Tribune has run several stories about his carpet bagging, whether he’s a socialist or whatever. And Romney is gathering signatures, too, as Count My Vote wends its way to the ballot box. The initiative only highlights the deep division in Utah’s GOP. But it’s not about purity in politics.

The Trump factor has shown the GOP to be anything but pure.

Micromanagement

So tell us again about this small-government idea. Isn’t this what Republicans and Libertarians adore—privatizing everything, dispensing with regulations, oh, and health care and “entitlements.” Then comes along HB175—Oversight Committee Creation. It’s no secret that the Legislature has enormous contempt for the city and county of Salt Lake, but somebody’s got to get over themselves. The Legislature is there to, well, legislate, not to manage every entity in the state. Even the governor was worried that the bill was micromanaging. A Deseret News article suggested the idea grew from a Utah League of Cities and Towns scandal revealed through an audit.

Apparently, another layer of government would make things like that more efficient and transparent. Look, if the Legislature needs a special counsel to investigate improprieties, they could just hire one. Or wait until Robert Mueller is free.

A Glimmer of Hope

While nothing is really dead until after the legislative session, there is always hope.

And citizen activism created a lot of that by stopping HB135—Extraterritorial Jurisdictional Amendments in committee.

This was the brainchild of Wild West darling Rep. Mike Noel, R-Kanab, who set up a fight over development and water issues in the Wasatch canyons. In brief, it would add state control over municipal water, its collection and distribution. Laura Briefer, Salt Lake City’s public utilities director, told the Deseret News that she was puzzled because it puts authority under an agency without accountability. Some 3,000 emails later, legislators were convinced to go no further. Environmental groups, for now, won with a campaign saturated with facts.

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N0. 37

Cover story, Feb. 8, “Governor Salad”

None of the above! Stop asking stupid questions.

Governor

CHERYL LANGSTON Via Facebook Nope!

From hardball to oddball, these nine candidates could potentially one day run the state.

PAM URE THOMPSON Via Facebook

By Dylan Woolf Harris

News, Feb. 8, “Going, Going, Gone?”

This needs to stop. Only the rich can afford these lands, these lands are to be used by all the people, that’s why they’re called public lands.

MICHAEL SMITH Via Facebook

Just call [Secretary Zinke] what he is: A corporate whore.

LYNN BAKER Via Facebook

Where is the Patagonia CEO when you need him?

DAWN NEPTUNE Via Facebook

Private Eye, Feb. 8, “Mr. Huntsman”

Empathetic, factual, respectful and loving article. Thank you.

VICKIE FOLIAS Via Facebook

He’s gonna be missed by so many!

SUZY JONES Via Facebook

He was a great guy and always shared his knowledge, wealth and care for others.

DOREEN HARMON Via Facebook

Well done, John. This comes from an old acquaintance in the beginning days of your paper. The tribute was excellent, especially recalling events from long ago. I have read his book, Winners Never Cheat, and was present for one of his talks at a convention many years ago. J.M.H. was indeed a giant in Utah and the world over.

DON SWABY

Via CW comments John: This was such a great tribute to this wonderful man, and, I have to say, to you as well. You seem to have learned a lot from this giant of a man and you too will probably end up being praised in much the same way. You and your family were truly blessed to have had such an opportunity to rub elbows with the likes of him. And to think it started on the chicken farm.

TERRI LEDDING (SOMEONE WHO KNOWS THAT CHICKEN FARM!) Via CW comments

Dine review, Feb. 8, Kaiser’s Bar-B-Q

Not too far from me, I’ll have to give it a try.

EARTH STORM JACOBS Via Facebook

Close to my neighborhood. It’s so good, but their hours are tricky. Wish they did dinners.

MIKE WILLDEN Via Facebook

My favorite BBQ. In my opinion, Kaiser’s is the best in town.

JOERG KOHLMANN Via Facebook

Blog post, Feb. 15, Guv talks controversial DUI bill and more during impromptu press conference

Says a man who has no clue regarding anatomy or the influence of intoxication on it …

JENNIFER GUEST BILLINGSLEY Via Facebook

Come for the snow, stay on parole.

IRIS NIELSEN Via Facebook

The sober drivers in Utah are just as dangerous.

HOLLY RUDELL Via Facebook

More so. They’re idiots!

REBECCA MCCORMACK Via Facebook Indeed. On their damn phones and pisspoor driving skills.

BRIAN TITUS Via Facebook

Correction: In last week’s cover story [“For the Birds,” Feb. 15], we incorrectly stated Great Salt Lake Keeper founder Jeff Salt’s name as Jeff Lake. #SLCproblems.

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OPINION

Dear Orrin

“Who’s the head bull-goose loony around here?”

—One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest I read that Brigham Young University and the University of Utah are vying to become the repository of Orrin Hatch’s congressional papers—3,000 boxes in all. I don’t care which school prevails. I am just pleased that my letters to Hatch will be archived so future scholars can read them as they try to figure out what went haywire with the U.S. government in the early 21st Century.

My letters were reasoned and reasonable, if I do say so myself. None was a hair-on-fire diatribe. (OK, I did take liberties with Hamlet in an email that read: “Hypocrisy, thy name is Orrin.”) I usually prefaced my letters with praise for Hatch’s collaboration with Ted Kennedy that yielded the Americans with Disabilities Act, the Serve America Act and the Children’s Health Insurance Program. One of my letters implored Hatch to support modest gun-control measures after 20 sixand seven-year-old kids were shot at Sandy Hook Elementary School. Another letter sought his support for granting Judge Merrick Garland the up-or-down vote that fairness, if not the Constitution, required. Another was critical of his position on the development of the F-35 Joint Strike Fighter. I appealed to him in 2013 when showboaters Mike Lee and Ted Cruz shut down the federal government for 16 days.

My letters and emails brought bland, staff-written responses. I was never able to persuade the senator that I was right and he was wrong. On one occasion, Hatch left me too aghast to write. He stood in the Rose Garden in December and called Donald Trump “one of the best presidents I have served under.” (This from a guy who called then-Mayor Rocky

BY JOHN RASMUSON Anderson a nutcake for organizing an anti-Bush demonstration in downtown Salt Lake City.) More on that presently.

The Orrin G. Hatch Foundation is up and running. According to its website, the foundation will build a publicpolicy institute to serve as a “world-class repository of modern American legislative history.” Hatch, the longestserving Republican senator at age 83, is a historical figure of sorts. He moved to Washington in 1977, the same year Jimmy Carter settled into the White House. Hatch had a front-row seat to the Reagan presidency when Democrat Tip O’Neill was speaker of the House. The give-and-take relationship of those two Irish pols is the stuff of legend.

O’Neill’s son explicated it on The New York Times op-ed page: “No, my father and Reagan weren’t close friends,” he wrote. “Famously, after 6 p.m. on quite a few work days, they would sit down for drinks at the White House. But it wasn’t the drinks or the conversation that allowed American government to work. Instead, it was a stubborn refusal not to allow fundraisers, activists, party platforms or ideological chasms to stand between them and actions—tempered and improved by compromise—that kept this country moving.”

It’s been almost 30 years since the Reagan era ended, and polls show that 70 percent of Americans believe the country now is moving in the wrong direction. Like a sailboat tacking into a headwind, we veer from one crisis to another with no welcoming port on the horizon, no one at the helm able to navigate the shoals.

The Hatch Foundation website touts the senator’s “legislative leadership” and “unparalleled legislative legacy” spanning 40-plus years. More than 750 bills have the Hatch imprimatur. He deserves credit, to be sure. On the other hand, as he claims credit for good work, he has to take some responsibility for the problems in Washington. The descent into dysfunction happened on his watch. He may not have been the head bull-goose loony, but he retires as Senate

president pro tempore, third in line to the Oval Office. In short, he knows how things got broke and what it will take to fix them. What an opportunity for the Hatch Foundation!

In the days of O’Neill and Reagan, one of the few areas of agreement between the two adversaries was “America first and party second,” O’Neill said. Those days are gone despite Trump’s sloganeering. Career politicians like Hatch are focused on winning the next election. That means relentless fundraising, but re-election also means an unblemished record of fidelity to the party. (The Hatch-Kennedy collaboration would have cost Hatch in the state convention, just like Bob Bennett.) Finally comes America—not first but a distant third. (Case in point: four months into the fiscal year, the federal government has no budget.) America’s standing in the world—its moral authority, its leadership— is undermined by a loony administration on a daily basis.

Trump is already gearing up his re-election campaign. He uses “America First” as a sop to a right-wing base—25 percent of the population and shrinking. That his divisive and immoral antics are shrugged off by such upright leaders as Orrin Hatch, Franklin Graham, Mike Pence, Paul Ryan— even ascendant bull-goose loony Rep. Chris Stewart—can only be explained by a “Party First” mindset. In Stewart’s estimation, Trump has morphed from a Mussolini “who does not represent Republican ideals” to a Rodney Dangerfield who gets no respect for “an incredibly effective first year.”

These probably will be my final words to Hatch. So thank you, senator, for all the good you have done, especially as Kennedy’s partner. I hope your new foundation reclaims “America First” from the head bull-goose loony. Closing the ideological chasm that has developed since the days of Reagan and O’Neill is imperative. Your leadership could make a difference. I hope you will take up the challenge. CW Send feedback to comments@cityweekly.net

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Are there extinct species that we really wish we hadn’t wiped out? I don’t mean we now say, “Gee, what a shame.” I mean, is there anything where we now say, “Oh $#!&, we screwed ourselves!”? Like when the Chinese thought getting rid of all the sparrows was a good idea.

—Lumpy, via the Straight Dope Message Board

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LIGHT REFRESHMENTS

If you’re not as up on your People’s Republic history as Lumpy here, allow me to read you in. Having become concerned about sparrows eating the grain Chinese farmers were growing, in 1958 Mao ordered the birds’ extermination, and an estimated billion of them were killed. Problem was, those sparrows had also been eating locusts that liked to eat grain themselves, and with nothing keeping them in check, the bugs commenced to eat the fields bare. Together with various other agricultural policies of the Great Leap Forward, the sparrow campaign helped lead to the starvation deaths of tens of millions of people; as far as history’s gravest unintended consequences go, this one’s in the hall of fame. And as Lumpy suggests, it’s a particularly vivid illustration of how humans can bollocks up a functioning ecosystem by intervening without thinking through the bigger implications.

Are there others? Sure. Turn your attention to present-day India, where since just the early ’90s three once-abundant species of vulture have all but died off—officially, they’re critically endangered, but according to some scientists they’re “functionally extinct.” This one’s on us, too: the birds were feeding on the decaying flesh of cows that Indian farmers had fed with a particular painkiller, diclofenac. In cows it soothed aching hooves; in vultures it led to fatal kidney failure.

Appearance wise, vultures don’t do much to pretty up a biome, true, but in south Asia their carrion-eating was a vital public service.

Remember, these are birds that can put away an anthrax-infected carcass and go back for more. (Pity they couldn’t handle a common NSAID.) This made them a reliable firebreak between humans and some major infectious diseases, including tuberculosis and rabies, whereas the less hardy rats and wild dogs that have taken over the carrion gig tend to spread these around. With vultures on the ropes, India faces a public-health disaster.

So far we’ve yet to mention an animal that’s been wiped out altogether, but don’t get too hung up on extinction per se. Sure, the disappearance of the last member of a species is a grim milestone. The consequential problem, though, is a species’ general disappearance from an ecosystem, even if a few individuals keep on keeping on. Just a modest decline in the populations of key creatures can screw things up, and a steep drop can be devastating; however circuitously, those effects will come back to bite us. For instance: n In the late 1880s, Italian army live-

CITIZEN REV LT

BY CECIL ADAMS SLUG SIGNORINO

STRAIGHT DOPE Un-natural Selection

stock in East Africa introduced a highly lethal bovine disease called rinderpest: it devastated sub-Saharan herbivores from pigs to wildebeest, and starved a lot of people who relied on cattle for food, nomadic herders and colonial farmers alike. The deaths of all those grazers and browsers also led to a steep growth in plant biomass, leading to a century of worse and more frequent wildfires—leading in turn to property damage, fire-suppression costs and tons of carbon dumped into the atmosphere. n These days, sub-Saharan Africa is contending with the decline of its apex predators via hunting, habitat loss, etc. Fewer lions and leopards means, among other things, more olive baboons, who’ve encroached further into human territory, bringing competition for food and an uptick in intestinal parasites for both the humans and the baboons. This isn’t the worst to come out of the complex relationship between food chain and disease on that continent: Industrial overfishing in the Atlantic has led West Africans to increasingly seek other protein sources, including primate bushmeat. If you’ll recall, eating chimp flesh is thought to be the conduit through which HIV found its way to humans, and there are other scary primate viruses out there ready to make their move. n In the centuries since wolves were hunted out of the British Isles, deer have become rampant in the UK. With their numbers now at a thousand-year high, they’re responsible for some 50,000 traffic accidents annually, plus they impede forest regeneration by eating all the seedlings. The animals represent such a pain in Britain’s ass that there’s a project afoot (inspired by a successful initiative at Yellowstone) to bring back the wolves.

One hears a lot about how we’re in the midst of a mass extinction, the sixth in history. Ecologists believe that losing large carnivores will be the really big deal here, setting in motion the follow-on effects seen above: more fires, invasive species, carbon pollution, agricultural problems, infectious diseases, and on and on—widespread ecosystem malfunction that reconfigures the whole food chain, and whose costs to us keep compounding over time. The technical name for this process is “trophic cascading,” but I can think of more colloquial phrases that might work here too—“You break it, you bought it,” for one. n Send questions to Cecil via straightdope. com or write him c/o Chicago Reader, 30 N. Racine, Ste. 300, Chicago, Ill., 60607.

IN ONE WEEK, YOU CAN CHANGE THE WORLD

LATINO DAY ON THE HILL

Latinos should have a voice, and the 2018 Latino Day on the Hill will celebrate their contributions and demonstrate their potential. Latinos account for half the population growth in the United States and 18 percent of the people. That’s projected to be 29 percent by 2050. The sheer numbers portend growing political influence in our society. This bipartisan event is nonetheless sponsored by the Utah Republican Latino Coalition and will introduce the “Becky Lockhart Excellence in Achievement Scholarship” honoring the late Speaker of the House Rebecca Lockhart, and include speakers and cultural entertainment. Utah State Capitol, 350 N. State, 385-218-9070, Thursday, Feb. 22, 3-4:30 p.m., free, bit.ly/2GbehUd.

DACA RALLY

As the U.S. Supreme Court tries to figure out how to handle DACA, Utahns can rally for the cause. Lower courts have stopped the Trump administration from ending the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals, but the Justice Department is asking the high court to intervene before any federal appeals court weighs in. A Call For Solidarity: Rally for DACA, TPS & Human Rights has a list of 12 ambitious if unlikely demands, though they warrant attention from politicians who have yet to deal with immigration issues in a systematic way. From better conditions for ICE detainees to an end to all border walls, this rally spotlights the many illegal immigration issues the government has simply ignored—or created. The refugee crises in Iraq, Nicaragua and Syria are partly a result of U.S. actions. Utah State Capitol 350 N. State, Saturday, Feb. 24, 11a.m.-1 p.m., free, bit.ly/2GjXKxl.

LOBBY FOR THE ENVIRONMENT

Find out what threats face Utah’s unique environment, especially the abundant and pristine waterways this legislative session. At Lobby Your Legislators Round 2, you will learn how the Legislature functions and how as citizens to lobby your representatives effectively.

After the training, you can join the Utah Rivers Council to lobby legislators on those vital issues. Did you know, for instance, that the Green River was named the No. 2 most endangered river in the nation just a few years ago? Don’t forget the Great Salt Lake. Pipelines, nuclear proposals and more are still on the table. Utah State Capitol Presentation Room (first floor off east entrance), 350 N. State, 801-486-4776, Wednesday, Feb. 28, 9:45 a.m.-1 p.m., free, bit.ly/2C2xt8m.

—KATHARINE BIELE Send tips to revolt@cityweekly.net

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FEBRUARY 22, 2018 | 9

NEWS G U N C O N T R O L Shot Down

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On Feb. 14, a gunman opened fire on a Florida high school killing 17. This is what Congress is doing to ensure that never happens again:

CW

Fired Up!

BY DYLAN WOOLF HARRIS dwharris@cityweekly.net @dylantheharris

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FEBRUARY 22, 2018 | 11

In the committee hearing last week, Rep. Derrin Owens, R-Fountain Green, demonstrated how intuitions, at times, can lead a person to faulty conclusions. The sun is big and hot, he stated, and if anyone should be blamed for hot weather, look no further than the fiery ball in the sky. “The sun is 1.3 million times larger than the Earth,” Owens said. “Would that not be a dominant cause and have more effect possibly than man? I can’t go there, [to the idea] that man is the substantial reason.”

Ward had earlier explained that gases in the atmosphere are more telling than things like distance from the sun. Compare Mercury and Venus, he asked the committee. Despite being closer to the sun, Mercury has a colder nighttime temperature than Venus, which has an atmosphere that retains heat. (The difference, by the way, is enormous—approximately 1,000 degrees Fahrenheit!) Similarly, the average nighttime temperature on the moon is much colder than Earth’s because of the atmosphere.

Even if the resolution was destined to fail in committee, supporters asked that it be put on the record with a vote. Instead, Rep. Timothy Hawkes, R-Centerville, offered a substitute motion to move on and drop the issue. Global warming, he reasoned, is a “highly politicized issue that’s impossible to divorce from that context. So often it’s just used as an argument for social and economic engineering.”

The chairman can revive the bill later. It seemed more probable, though, that like a chunk of glacial ice that’s plopped into the sea, the resolution has disappeared for good.

But citizens hoping the state will recognize climate change might be in luck. Two days after the hearing where Ward’s bill was all but killed—a much colder day, as it was—another concurrent resolution went before a legislative body—this one backed by students. House Concurrent Resolution 7 on environmental and economic stewardship passed its first hurdle in an 8-3 vote.

One component of that bill asks that the state recognize “the impacts of a changing climate on Utah citizens.” CW

himself as a geologist, claimed global warming data is manipulated, and those who are trying to propagate that it is anthropogenic do so because they have a vested interest in making people believe a falsehood.

Reid Ewing, a University of Utah professor and chair of city and metropolitan planning, co-authored a book titled Growing Cooler: The Evidence on Urban Development and Climate Change. He says the record is beyond convincing. Scientists can measure soaring temperatures and greenhouse gases in the atmosphere, and he argues predictive models seem to be spot on.

Ewing calls natural disasters the “unmistakable fingerprints of climate change.”

In a phone interview, he agrees that he is vested in the global warming debate— as should all humans, he adds, who don’t want to see the cataclysm that is anticipated when creeping sea levels start sinking many of the world’s densely populated shoreline cities.

“We have an interest in getting people to believe it’s real because if we don’t do anything about it, it’s going to be catastrophic,” Ewing says. “But I don’t think we have a vested economic interest, if that’s the point. As a professor of city and metro planning, I won’t gain financially to get people to acknowledge that climate change is real, but we all gain as a society.”

Ewing contends that those who stand to gain a buck in the debate are usually from the camp denying global warming.

A representative of the Utah Mining Association, in fact, testified against the resolution, contending that fossil fuels have energized the world and propelled significant industrial revolutions throughout history.

When it comes to whether they side with the fossil-fuel industry, many Utah lawmakers are unequivocal. The state’s rock is coal. And legislators are so protective of that industry, they’re willing to put a considerable amount of taxpayer money—an estimated $2 million—to defend it. On Feb. 12, a legislative subcommittee considered suing California for implementing new energy policies that could affect Utah’s coal producers.

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hilly but not biting, the air was pleasant enough midday on Feb. 13 that you’d have been smart to wear a sweater or light jacket but shouldn’t’ve bothered with a winter coat. It was spring-like despite the season still a full calendar page away. That same morning inside the State Capitol, however, Rep. Raymond Ward’s global-warming resolution got a frigid reception from his Republican colleagues.

Ward, a Bountiful-residing member of Utah’s Legislature and a card-carrying Republican who looks like he appreciates sunnier days, isn’t a stereotypical globalwarming harbinger. But there he was, the primary sponsor of House Concurrent Resolution 1, expounding on climate patterns.

His bill isn’t to impose carbon taxes or mandate a reduction in fossil-fuel use. It isn’t a bill at all, in fact, but a resolution asking that the state publicly and officially acknowledge that the globe is sweating over here and humans—at least partially— are the culprit.

It’s useful to remember that a concurrent resolution has no teeth. Put another way, a concurrent resolution states a position but has no enforcement mechanism. So had lawmakers passed the resolution, the state wouldn’t be on the hook for any action. However, the measure also asks that when the state makes energy decisions, those decisions should be backed by the best available science.

Speaking to City Weekly days before the session began, Ward said he noticed that often when officials discuss climate change

as it relates to policy, they talk past one another because their underlying assumptions are different.

Those principles, Ward added, should be rooted in scientific fact. In Ward’s eyes, allowing data to help one reach conclusions shouldn’t be alienating. To that end, he was careful to avoid inflammatory language.

“I tried as hard as I could to choose result clauses that no one would find controversial,” he said, adding, “I think everybody in the Legislature would say, ‘Yes, if we’re making a decision, of course we want to base it on the best scientific evidence available.’”

In measured terms, Ward laid out the case in a committee hearing last week: The planet and the state have warmed over recent decades; the temperature of a planet is set by the greenhouse gases in its atmosphere; carbon dioxide in Earth’s atmosphere has risen; and there is a consensus among the scientific community that emissions are linked to the warming planet.

Then, like a prepared professor, he pulled out the data in a presentation with charts and graphs and figures and numbers. Data, by the way, that is backed by groups with authority on the subject. Worldwide scientific organizations, including NASA and NOA A in the U.S., confirmed the planet’s temperature had ticked up 1.5 degrees over five decades, he noted. And to the lawmakers who are less concerned about global implications, Ward mentioned that during the past 50 years, Utah’s average temperature jumped 2.5 degrees.

“Let me move into my next point, and I’m veering into math and science…” Ward warned at one point before he displayed a graph showing an upward, jagged line indicating the CO2 in the atmosphere is climbing as well.

But the graphs and data weren’t enough.

That much was clear when board members started asking about the earth’s natural climate cycles and whether we weren’t simply on a hot upswing.

The public who commented were mixed, many in the medical field asked for support while others expressed skepticism.

One member of the public, who identified

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Admitting global warming exists proves too difficult for some state lawmakers.

L E G I S L AT U R E

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this one, that have come to rely on Facebook funneling readers to their sites, the impact of a separation sounds catastrophic.

“The End of the Social News Era?” a New York Times headline asked.

“Facebook is breaking up with news,” an ad for the new BuzzFeed app proclaimed.

When a giant like Facebook takes a step—until recently, the social media

FEBRUARY 22, 2018 | 13

The move isn’t all that surprising.

Ever since the 2016 election, Facebook’s been under siege for creating a habitat where fake news stories flourished.

Their executives were dragged before Congress last year to testify about how they sold ads to Russians who wanted to influence the U.S. election, and so, in some ways, it’s simply easier to get out of the news business altogether.

But for many news outlets, including

site had been sending more traffic to news outlets than Google—the resulting quake can cause an entire industry to crumble.

Consumers, meanwhile, have grimaced as their favorite media outlets have stooped to sensational headlines to lure Facebook’s web traffic. They’ve become disillusioned by the flood of hoaxes and conspiracy theories that have run rampant on the site.

A Knight Foundation/Gallup poll released last month revealed that only a third of Americans had a positive view of the media. About 57 percent said that websites or apps using algorithms to determine which news stories readers see was a major problem for democracy. Two-thirds believed the media being “dramatic or too sensational in order to attract more readers or viewers” was a major problem.

Now, sites that rely on Facebook’s algorithm have watched the floor drop out from under them when the algorithm is changed—all while Facebook has gobbled up chunks of print advertising revenue.

It’s all landed media outlets in a hell of a quandary: It sure seems like Facebook is killing journalism. But can journalism survive without it?

“Traffic is such a drug right now,” says Sean Robinson, a 53-year-old investigative reporter at The Tacoma News Tribune. “The industry is hurting so bad that it’s really hard to detox.”

| CITY WEEKLY |

s with any toxic relationship, the possibility of a breakup sparks feelings of terror—and maybe a little bit of a relief.

That’s the spot that Facebook has put the news business in.

Last month, the social media behemoth announced it would once again alter its News Feed algorithm to show users even more posts from their friends and family, and a lot fewer from media outlets.

@danielwinlander

A

By Daniel Walters | comments@cityweekly.net |

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For years, independent media outlets desperately chased the clicks promised by Facebook; now the social media giant threatens to destroy them.

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Feed Frenzy

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14 | FEBRUARY 22, 2018

You Won’t Believe What Happens Next!

It’s perhaps the perfect summation of the internet age: a website that started because a college kid wanted to rank which coeds were hotter became a global goliath powerful enough to influence the fate of the news industry itself.

When Facebook first launched its “News Feed” in 2006, it ironically didn’t have anything to do with news. At least, not how we think of it. This was the website that still posted a little broken-heart icon when you changed your status from “In a Relationship” to “Single.”

The News Feed was intended to be a list of personalized updates from your friends. When Facebook was talking about “news stories,” it meant, in the words of Facebook’s announcement, like “when Mark adds Britney Spears to his Favorites or when your crush is single again.”

But in 2009, Facebook introduced its iconic “like” button. Soon, instead of showing posts in chronological order, the News Feed began showing you the popular posts first.

And that made all the difference.

Facebook didn’t invent going viral—grandmas with AOL accounts were forwarding funny emails and chain letters when Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg was still in grade school—but its algorithm amplified it. Wellliked posts soared. Unpopular posts simply went unseen.

Google had an algorithm, too. So did YouTube.

Journalists were given a new directive: If you wanted readers to see your stories, you had to play by the algorithm’s rules. Faceless, mystery formulas had replaced the stodgy newspaper editor as the gatekeeper of information.

So when the McClatchy Co.—a chain that owns 31 daily papers including The Tacoma News Tribune and The Bellingham Herald—launched its reinvention strategy last year, knowing how to get Facebook traffic was central.

“Facebook has allowed us to get our journalism out to hundreds of millions more people than it would have otherwise,” says McClatchy’s Vice President of News Tim Grieve, a fast-talking former Politico editor. “It has forced us, and all publishers, to sharpen our game to make sure we’re writing stories that connect with people.”

With digital ad rates tied to web traffic, the incentives in the modern media landscape could be especially perverse: Write short, write lots. Pluck heartstrings or stoke fury.

In short, be more like Upworthy. A site filled with multi-sentence emotion-baiting headlines, Upworthy begged you to click by promising that you would be shocked, outraged or inspired—but not telling you why. (One example: “His first 4 sentences are interesting. The 5th blew my mind. And made me a little sick.”)

By November of 2013, Upworthy was pulling in 88 million unique visitors a month. With Facebook’s help, the formula spread.

The McClatchy-owned Bellingham Herald headlined a short crime story about the arrest of a carjacker this way: “Four people, two cars, one gun.

What happens next?”

the publisher’s series of scandals were fired. He heaped contempt on an organization that had installed editors who “recklessly sought clicks at the expense of accuracy, retweets over fairness” and left him “despondent not only for Newsweek but for the other publications that don’t heed the lessons of this publication’s fall.”

Mathew Ingram, who covers digital media for Columbia Journalism Review, says such tactics might increase traffic for a while. But readers hate it.

Sleazy tabloid shortcuts gives you a sleazy tabloid reputation.

“Short-term, you can make a certain amount of money,” Ingram says.

“Long-term, you’re basically setting fire to your brand.”

One strategy throughout the industry is to downplay the location of a story: readers in other markets are more likely to click if they don’t know it happened thousands of miles away.

Robinson, the veteran Tacoma News Tribune reporter, says local cops have complained about crime stories from elsewhere that were being shared on Facebook by local TV stations without context—worrying local readers were being misled into thinking they happened in Tacoma.

Grieve, the McClatchy executive, says that he doesn’t ever want to sensationalize a story. But he also says that “internet and social media are noisy places,” and papers have to sell their stories aggressively to be heard over the din.

“If you’re writing stories that aren’t getting read,” Grieve says, “you’re not a journalist—you’re keeping a journal.”

Clickbait and Switch

Plenty of media outlets have tried to build their business on the foundation of the News Feed algorithm. But they quickly got a nasty surprise: That foundation can collapse in an instant.

As Facebook’s News Feed became choked with links to Upworthy and its horde of imitators, the social network declared war on clickbait. It tweaked its algorithms, which proved catastrophic for Upworthy.

“It keeps changing,” Ingram says, “Even if the algorithm was bad in some way, at least if it’s predictable, you could adapt.”

A 2014 Time magazine story estimated that two to three global algorithm tweaks on Facebook were happening every week.

Six years ago, for example, KHQ, a TV news station in Spokane, Wash., told readers they’d have “an ENTIRE day here on FB dedicated to positive local news” if the post got liked 500 times. It worked. The post got more than 1,200 likes, and KHQ followed through a with a puppy-picture-laden “Feel Good Friday!!!”

Under the current Facebook algorithm, that tactic could get their entire page demoted. So could using shameless “you-won’t-believe-whathappened-next” style phrases.

Much of the time, Facebook and Google don’t announce their shifts up front. Media outlets often have had to reverse-engineer the changes, before issuing new commands to their troops in the field.

“Oh, they changed their algorithm again?” Robinson says. “Oh, what is it today, coach? OK, it’s 50-word [headlines] instead of 60?”

A pattern emerged. Step 1: Media outlets reinvent themselves for Facebook. Step 2: Facebook makes that reinvention obsolete.

A short Herald story asking for tips about a recent spree of indecent exposure was headlined, “She was looking at her phone, but the man wanted her to watch him masturbate.”

Even magazines like Time and Newsweek—storied publications that sent photojournalists to war zones—began pumping out articles like, “Does Reese Witherspoon Have 3 Legs on Vanity Fair’s Cover?” and “Trump’s Hair Loss Drug Causes Erectile Dysfunction.”

Newsweek’s publisher went beyond clickbait; the magazine was actually buying traffic through pirated video sites, allegedly engaging in ad fraud.

Earlier this month, Newsweek senior writer Matthew Cooper resigned in disgust after several Newsweek editors and reporters who’d written about

A pattern emerged. Step 1: Media outlets reinvent themselves for Facebook. Step 2: Facebook makes that reinvention obsolete.

Big publishers leaped at the chance to publish “Instant Articles” directly on Facebook, only to find that the algorithm soon charged, rewarding videos more than posts and rendering Instant Articles largely obsolete. So publishers like Mic, Mashable and Vice News “pivoted to video,” laying off dozens of journalists in the process.

“Then Facebook said they weren’t as interested in video anymore,” Ingram says. “Classic bait and switch.”

Which brings us to the latest string of announcements: The News Feed, Zuckerberg announced last month, had skewed too far in the direction of social video posts from national media pages and too far away from

personal posts from friends and family.

They were getting back to their roots.

And now, news organizations who’d dumped a lot of money into eyecatching pre-recorded video would suffer the most under the latest algorithm changes, Facebook’s News Feed VP Adam Mosseri told TechCrunch last month, because “video is such a passive experience.”

Even before the announcement, news sites had seen their articles get fewer and fewer hits from Facebook. Last year, Google once again became the biggest referrer of news traffic as Facebook referrals decreased. Many sites published tutorials pleading with their readers to manually change their Facebook settings to guarantee the site’s appearance in their news feeds.

“Some media outlets saw their [Facebook] traffic decline by as much as 30 to 40 percent,” Ingram says. “Everybody knew something was happening, but we didn’t know what.”

It might be easy to mock those who chased the algorithm from one trend to another with little to show for it. But the reality, Ingram says, is that many of them didn’t really have a choice.

actually performed better on Facebook than stories from major trusted outlets like The New York Times.

That, experts speculated, is another reason why Facebook, despite its massive profits, might be pulling back from its focus on news.

“As unprecedented numbers of people channel their political energy through this medium, it’s being used in unforeseen ways with societal repercussions that were never anticipated,” writes Samidh Chakrabarti, Facebook’s product manager for civic engagement, in a recent blog post.

The exposure was widespread. A Dartmouth study found about a fourth of Americans visited at least one fake-news website during the study period— and Facebook was the primary vector of misinformation. While researchers didn’t find fake news swung the election—though about 80,000 votes in three states is a pretty small margin to swing—the effect has endured.

President Donald Trump has played a role. He snatched away the term used to describe hoax websites and wielded it as a blunderbuss against the press, blasting away at any negative reporting as fake.

By last May, a Harvard-Harris poll found that almost two-thirds of voters believed that mainstream news outlets were full of fake news stories.

You know what’s really good at getting engagement? Hoaxes.

Conspiracy theories. Idiots who start fights in comments sections. Nuance doesn’t get engagement. Outrage does.

| CITY WEEKLY |

FEBRUARY 22, 2018 | 15

There was a time Facebook was positively smug about their impact on the world. After all, they’d seen their platform fan the flames of popular uprisings during the Arab Spring in places like Tunisia, Iran and Egypt.

“By giving people the power to share, we are starting to see people make their voices heard on a different scale from what has historically been possible,” Zuckerberg bragged in a 2012 letter to investors under the header “We hope to change how people relate to their governments and social institutions.”

And Facebook certainly has—though not the way it intended.

A BuzzFeed investigation before the 2016 presidential election found that “fake news” stories on Facebook, hoaxes or hyperpartisan falsehoods

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Faking It

The danger of fake news, after all, wasn’t just that we’d be tricked with bogus claims. It was that we’d be pummeled with so many different contradictory stories, with so many different angles, the task of trying to sort truth from fiction just becomes exhausting.

So you choose your own truth. Or Facebook’s algorithm chooses it for you.

Every time you like a comment, chat or click on Facebook, the site uses that to figure out what you actually want to see: It inflates your own bubble, protecting you from facts or opinions you might disagree with.

And when it does expose you to views from the other side, it’s most likely going to be the worst examples—the trolls eager to make people mad online, or the infuriating op-ed that all your friends are sharing.

That’s partly why many of the 3,000 Facebook ads that Russian trolls bought to influence the election weren’t aimed at promoting Trump directly. They were aimed at inflaming division in American life by focusing on such issues as race and religion.

Facebook has tried to address the fake news problem—hiring fact checkers to examine stories, slapping “disputed” tags on suspect claims, putting counterpoints in related article boxes—but with mixed results.

The Knight Foundation/Gallup poll, meanwhile, found that those surveyed believed that the broader array of news sources actually made it harder to stay well-informed.

And those who grew up soaking in the brine of social media aren’t necessarily better at sorting truth from fiction. Far from it.

“Overall, young people’s ability to reason about the information on the internet can be summed up in one word: bleak,” Stanford researchers concluded in a 2016 study of over 7,800 students. More than 80 percent of middle schoolers surveyed didn’t know the difference between sponsored content and a news article.

It’s why groups like Media Literacy Now have successfully pushed legislatures across several states to put media-literacy programs in schools.

(Utah approved House Bill 213, “Safe Technology Utilization and Digital Citizenship in Public Schools” in 2015.)

The national initiative includes teaching students how information was being manipulated behind the scenes, says the organization’s president Erin McNeill.

“With Facebook, for example, why am I seeing this story on the top of the page?” she asks. “Is it because it’s the most important story, or is it because of another reason?”

But Facebook’s new algorithm threatens to make existing fake news problems even worse, Ingram says. By focusing on friends and family,

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

“You pretty much have to do something with Facebook,” Ingram says.

“You have to. It’s like gravity. You can’t avoid it.”

Zuckerberg’s comments that stories that sparked “meaningful social interactions” would do the best on Facebook caused some to scoff.

“For Facebook, it’s bad if you read or watch content without reacting to it on Facebook. Let that sink in for a moment,” tech journalist Joshua Topolsky wrote at The Outline. “This notion is so corrupt it’s almost comical.”

In subsequent announcements, Facebook gave nervous local news outlets some better news: They’d rank local community news outlets higher in the feed than national ones. They were also launching an experiment for a new section called “Today In,” focusing on local news and announcements, beta-testing the concept in cities like Olympia, Wash.

But in early tests, the site seemed to have trouble determining what’s local.

Seattle Times reporter Joe O’Sullivan noted on Twitter that of the five stories featured in a screenshot of Facebook’s Olympia test, “NONE OF THEM ARE OLYMPIA STORIES. ZERO.” The Seattle Times and other outlets say they’re taking a “wait-and-see” approach to the latest algorithm, analyzing how the impact shakes out before making changes. They’ve learned to not get excited.

“It just, more and more, seems like Facebook and news are not super compatible,” says Shan Wang, staff writer at Harvard University’s Nieman Journalism Lab. At least not for real news. For fake news, Facebook’s been a perfect match.

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16 | FEBRUARY 22, 2018

Feast and Famine

It’s not fair, exactly, to say that Facebook killed the alt-weekly in Knoxville, Tenn. But it probably landed the final blow.

The internet, obviously, has been killing newspapers for a very long time.

Why, say, would you pay a monthly subscription to The Daily Cow, when you can get the milk online for free?

It killed other revenue sources as well. Craigslist cut out classified sections. Online dating killed personal ads. Amazon put many local momand-pop advertisers out of business.

Yet Metro Pulse, Knoxville’s longtime alt-weekly, was still turning a slight profit in 2014 when the E.W. Scripps Co. shut it down. So editor Coury Turczyn and a few other staffers set out to start their own paper.

But in the six months it took to get the Knoxville Mercury off the ground, the market had changed.

“We lost a lot more small-business advertisers than we expected,” Turczyn says. Facebook had captured them.

At one time, alt-weeklies could rake in advertising money by selling cheaper rates and guaranteeing advertisers to hit a younger, hipper audience. But then Facebook came along. The site let businesses microtarget their advertisements at incredibly specific audiences.

Like Google, Facebook tracks you across the web, digging deep into your private messages to figure out whether to sell you wedding dresses, running shoes or baby formula.

“You go to Facebook, you can try to pick your audience based on their geographic location, their interests,” Turczyn says. It’s cheaper. It’s easier.

And it comes with a report chock-full of stats on who the ad reached.

“Even if it doesn’t result in any sales and foot traffic, it at least has this report,” Turczyn says.

Mercury ad reps would cite examples of businesses who advertised in print and saw their foot traffic double the next day—but the small businesses wouldn’t bite. Attempts to rally reader donations weren’t enough. The Mercury shut down in July.

“It’s just more of the same sad story,” Turczyn says. “It’s a slaughter, there’s no doubt about it.”

Turczyn says two decades of journalism experience hasn’t helped much with the job search. Journalists aren’t what outlets are looking for.

“The single biggest job opening I see consistently is social media manager. Or ‘digital brand manager,’” Turczyn says.

“Those are the jobs on the marketplace right now.”

It’s not that nobody’s making massive amounts of money on advertising online. It’s just that only two are: Facebook and Google— and they’re both destroying print advertising.

The decline in print advertising has ravaged the world of alt-weeklies, killing icons like the Boston Phoenix, the San Francisco Bay Guardian, the Philadelphia City Paper and the Baltimore City Paper.

Dailies keep suffering, too, no matter how prestigious or internet-savvy.

The Charleston Gazette-Mail won a Pulitzer Prize last year for reporting on the opioid crisis. It filed for bankruptcy last month.

Eleven staffers were cut from The Oregonian on Jan. 31, the same day Silicon Valley’s San Jose Mercury News slashed staff.

McClatchy’s made a lot of cuts in the last year, too, though Grieve declined to say exactly how many positions have been eliminated. He, for one, doesn’t blame Facebook.

“Our newsrooms are smaller than they once were, but because we’re so focused on serving the needs of our communities, we’re actually reaching more readers than we ever have before,” Grieve writes in an email.

Yet the convergence of layoffs with the pressure to get web traffic, Robinson says, has influenced coverage. When potential traffic numbers are an explicit factor in story selection and you’re short-staffed, you have to make choices. Stories about schools don’t get many clicks. Weird crime stories do.

But as a long-time reporter, Robinson knows that bombshell scoops can sometimes begin with mundane reporting. Fail to report on the dull stuff, and you don’t know what else you’re missing.

“The media companies want the traffic, the traffic, the traffic,” Robinson says. “The stuff [readers] need to know—but don’t know they need to know—disappears.”

Asked if there’s any reason for optimism, Ingram, at the Columbia Journalism Review, lets out a wry laugh.

If you’re not a behemoth like BuzzFeed, he says, your best bet is to be small enough to be supported by die-hard readers.

“If you’re really, really hyper-focused—geographically or on a topic— then you have a chance,” Ingram says. “Your readership will be passionate enough to support you in some way.”

That’s one reason some actually welcome the prospect of less Facebook traffic. Slate’s Will Oremus recently wrote that less news on Facebook would eventually cleanse news of “the toxic incentives of the algorithm on journalism.”

Maybe, the thinking goes, without a reliance on Facebook clicks, newspapers would once again be able to build trust with their readers.

Maybe, the hope goes, readers would start seeking out newspapers directly again.

But even if Facebook suddenly ceased to exist, there are other sites with other algorithms that can drive traffic and shape coverage. As traffic referred by Facebook falls, the focus at McClatchy is already shifting. You can optimize your news coverage to appear high in the Facebook News Feed—but you can also optimize it to appear higher in the Google search results.

“We’re all about Google, again,” Robinson says.

“Google, Google, Google.” CW JEFF DREW

it could strengthen the filter bubble even further. Rewarding “engagement” can just as easily incentivize the worst aspects of the internet.

You know what’s really good at getting engagement? Hoaxes. Conspiracy theories.

Idiots who start fights in comments sections.

Nuance doesn’t get engagement. Outrage does.

“Meaningful social interactions” is a hard concept for algorithms to grasp.

“It’s like getting algorithms to filter out porn,” Ingram says. “You and I know it when we see it. [But] algorithms are constantly filtering out photos of women breastfeeding.”

Facebook hasn’t wanted to push beyond the algorithm and play the censor. In fact, it’s gone in the opposite direction. After Facebook was accused of suppressing conservative news sites in its Trending Topics section in 2016, it fired its human editors. (Today, conspiracy theories continue to show up in Facebook’s Trending Topics.)

Instead, to determine the quality of news sites, Facebook is rolling out a two-question survey about whether users recognized certain media outlets, and whether they found them trustworthy. The problem, as many tech writers pointed out, is that a lot of Facebook users, like Trump, consider The Washington Post and The New York Times to be “fake news.”

The other problem? There are a lot fewer trustworthy news sources out there. And Facebook bears some of the blame for that, too.

A version of this article first appeared in the Inlander.

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18 | FEBRUARY 22, 2018

ENTERTAINMENT PICKS, FEB. 22-28, 2018

ERIN BAIANO

DAT NGUYEN

THURSDAY 2/22

FRIDAY 2/23

SATURDAY 2/24

Last summer, Dan Higgins, a Repertory Dance Theater company member since 2014, premiered his own choreography at the Salt Lake Fringe Festival. The piece blurred the lines between dance and theater—Higgins likes to use spoken-word—and the subject matter was intensely personal: an exploration of his loving but troubled relationship with his father, a decorated Vietnam Green Beret. In the audience that night was Higgins’ boss, RDT Executive and Artistic Director Linda C. Smith, who invited him to continue working on the piece as part of RDT’s Link Series, which offers independent choreographers a venue to develop and present their works to the public.

Higgins’ new work, In.Memory.Of., is an evening-length performance featuring Higgins and five local dancers, a simple stage set and a spoken story—sometimes audible and sometimes not—whose characters range from a little girl to a den of hungry wolves. The characters in Higgins’ metaphor-packed story and dance might not be what they at first appear. “I find myself often reflecting on my connection with my father, and now realize how large a role mental wellness played in our relationship,” Higgins writes in his choreographer’s notes.

“This type of trauma, for the individual and their families, I feel warrants more exploration and healing through artistic expression.”

Creating In.Memory.Of. has been a journey toward understanding for Higgins, and he hopes that it can be the same for others. Each evening’s performance includes a panel discussion involving local organizations like the Department of Veterans Affairs, who continue the conversation the performance initiates.

(Katherine Pioli) In.Memory.Of. @ Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, 801-355-2787, Feb 22-23, 7:30 p.m., $15, artsaltlake.org

February is for lovers—and locally, for lovers of modern dance. This month, touring modern dance company Doug Varone and Dancers performs along with University of Utah students and members from Ririe Woodbury Dance Co. Touring universities throughout the country, Doug Varone and Dancers’ newest work is one on faith and beleif titled in the shelter of the fold, and incorporates dancers from the U’s School of Dance. Joanna Less, one student scheduled to perform, describes the work as “like an extremely complex organism: Every individual component has its own unique role that must be performed at a precise time in order for it to work. It’s thrilling to be inside of it.”

Doug Varone and Dancers boasts a legacy lasting more than 30 years, comprised of award-winning choreographer and director Varone and a company of rotating dancers.

They come to Utah through a collaboration between UtahPresents and Ririe-Woodbury; Daniel Charon, artistic director at RirieWoodbury, danced with Doug Varone and Dancers from 1999-2010, and Ririe-Woodbury has a history of producing Varone’s work.

In addition to in the shelter of the fold, the evening includes Ririe-Woodbury dancers performing Strict Love, and Charon is also scheduled to perform Short Story with teaching artist, dancer and professor Natalie Desch. Doug Varone himself performs a solo number titled Two Piano Pieces.

“If you like modern dance, you need to come to this performance,” UtahPresents Communication Manager Sheri Jardine says. “It will be an evening of powerful choreography performed by very talented dancers.” (Casey Koldewyn) Doug Varone and Dancers @ Marriott Center for Dance, 330 S. 1500 East, No. 106, 801-581-7100, Feb. 23-24, 7:30 p.m., $5-$30, utahpresents.org

As the creative force behind the band Richmond Fontaine, Willy Vlautin has made detailed storytelling an integral part of his M.O. That’s evident not only by his band’s music, but by the stunning series of novels he’s written over the years. Vlautin is seemingly obsessed with loners and losers, characters who live in the shadows, struggling to find hope in the midst of the saddest of circumstance.

To his credit, however, Vlautin turns even the most dire situations into spellbinding scenarios, etching tales that leave a lingering effect. They’re both piercing and provocative, courtesy of his richly descriptive style, and yet those harsh and haunting encounters are also conveyed with honesty, intrigue and insight.

Vlautin’s latest book, Don’t Skip Out on Me, takes those austere themes to a new level. The author himself shares the premise via email: “The book is about an old ranching couple who take in a 14-year-old kid and raise him.

They want to give him their ranch, but the kid, scarred from him own parents’ abandonment, tells them he has to be something before he can accept their offer. He leaves and changes his identity to become a Mexican boxer. He dreams of being a champion.”

The term “Renaissance man” is bandied around liberally these days, but Vlautin’s ability to turn these nuanced narratives into such distinct and indelible impressions is easily admired. Consequently, when he reads and sings at Weller Book Works, story and song not only combine, but show off parts of the same skill set. (Lee Zimmerman) Willy Vlautin @ Weller Book Works, 607 Trolley Square, Feb. 24, 7-10 p.m., free, wellerbookworks.com

RDT: In.Memory.Of.

Doug Varone and Dancers

JEREMY DANIEL & MATTHEW MURPHY

Complete listings online at cityweekly.net

HARPER PERENNIAL

ESSENTIALS

the

Willy Vlautin: Don’t Skip Out on Me

TUESDAY 2/27

The Sound of Music The hills have been alive with the sound of music—on theatrical stages, anyway—for so long that it’s hard to imagine that there was ever a time that they weren’t. Since its Broadway debut in 1959, and through the classic, Oscar-winning 1965 film version, Rodgers & Hammerstein’s The Sound of Music has become an almost universally beloved piece of Americana, with tunes that are now an inescapable part of the Great American Songbook.

Yet as delightful as it can be simply to sing along with “Do Re Mi,” “My Favorite Things,” “Sixteen Going on Seventeen” or “How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria,” it can be easy to forget that The Sound of Music is a story of rebellion—and not just that of highspirited would-be nun Maria. At the core of the narrative is a country about to be swallowed up by fascism, and a man who could have chosen to preserve his privileged position by playing along with the people in power. Singing “Edelweiss” becomes an act of defiance—and maybe we need reminders in 2018 that acts of defiance can take many forms.

This week, the Eccles Theater hosts a new touring production of the magnificent musical, starring Jill-Christine Wiley as Maria, Mike McLean as Capt. Von Trapp, Lauren Kidwell as the Mother Abbess and a group of talented young von Trapp children. If you wish, you can enjoy it as the delivery system for an all-killer no-filler song score. Or you can watch people learning to fight whatever power threatens to overwhelm them. (Scott Renshaw) The Sound of Music @ Eccles Theater, 131 S. Main, 801-355-2787, Feb. 27-March 4, dates and times vary, $35-$125, broadway-at-the-eccles.com

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FEBRUARY 22, 2018 | 19

Pictures Perfect

In the age of cell phone cameras, pro photography remains a true art.

BY SCOTT RENSHAW scottr@cityweekly.net @scottrenshaw

I

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

Funerals weddings Birthdays make someone ’ s day

n 2018, most Americans walk around with a camera in their pocket or purse at all times, chronicling every meal, moment and memory of their lives. So what does it mean to be a professional photographer in a world where we’re taking pictures all the time?

It might seem like a challenge making a career out of doing what so many people do in their spare time, but many professionals in Utah still find their bliss behind a camera. From wedding and family portraits to commercial advertisements to fine art, they show that there’s more to the craft than pushing a button.

Cat Palmer, a multiple winner of City Weekly Artys and Best of Utah Arts awards for her photography, first picked up a camera 23 years ago because “I had to take an elective in high school,” she recalls. After moving from her native California to Utah in 2001, she slowly began building a clientele for commissioned work like weddings and family pictures, while also exploring more artistic photography. It took several years before she was able to quit her day job but for the past decade, she has made her living exclusively through photography.

As is true of many professional artists, Palmer tries to find the balance between work that excites her artistically, and work that pays the bills. “I have the portraiture work, and I have my art work,” Palmer says. “I see those as two very separate entities. For one, I’m being commissioned by people, and for the other, I’m coming up with my own ideas, where I can get angry, get rowdy, get loud.”

Art l a r o Fl

The

801-363-0565 580 E 300 S SLC theartfloral.com

CAT PALMER

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20 | FEBRUARY 22, 2018

Maternity photograph by Cat Palmer

While she sees those two aspects of her work as distinct, that doesn’t mean commissioned work is about going through the motions, or that it doesn’t have her unique point of view. “When people are considering hiring me, I say, ‘Go check out my website, and if you like my style, let’s talk,’” she says. “[Photographers] are all different.

I’m not going to show up and shoot like someone else.”

She’s also been doing her work long enough that she knows what she’s good at, and where she chooses not to focus. “I don’t do babies,” she says with a laugh. “I outsource babies. I don’t do sports stuff. You cannot pay me enough to go into a club and photograph.

I’m at a point in my career where I can say no, and I do say no … If you don’t love it, it’s going to show.”

That love can show both in her commercial work and in her more daring art photography, including her “Last Supper” image featuring twelve “badasses of SLC,” or an image of protesters in December 2017 positioning their bodies on the state Capitol lawn in anti-Trump messages. Yet despite her distinctive style, it’s not easy for a photographer to be recognized for her work. When that shot of the protesters spelling out “Go Home Trump” went viral, you’d be hard-pressed to find Palmer’s name in most of the places where it appeared.

“I don’t do this to sit on the sidelines,” Palmer says. “When you share something on social media, give credit. We are real people behind the creation of these images, and that gets lost in the digital age.”

Austen Diamond—one-time music editor for City Weekly—has taken a different but equally successful path to working full-time taking pictures. After his time spent in journalism, he transitioned into photography, and works almost exclusively doing commercial work—whether that involves shooting events like the Utah Arts Festival, doing wedding photography or creating marketing and advertising images for businesses.

“I’d say I’m more of a craftsman than a fine artist,” Diamond says. “I don’t have the goal of having a show in a gallery … I get commissioned, I show up, and I’m creative from there. The right people find me because I make it clear what I’m about early on in our communication and in my marketing: Helping them refine their idea, whether it’s selling beer that they brew, or documenting the best day of their life.”

Both Palmer and Diamond express an understanding for the idea that photography is on a different artistic tier than painting or sculpture, yet they also note that the idea that anyone can take a picture doesn’t diminish the value of what they do. While even beyond the cameras on cell phones, starter equipment for a photographer can be relatively inexpensive, that doesn’t mean there isn’t an art to the process. Diamond actually believes that the proliferation of photographic images in the 21st century has made people more appreciative of the kind of work he does: “The fact that anyone can have a smartphone and take photos helps people understand the value of a professional who can see and command light to create exceptional images” Palmer offers a similar, succinct way of thinking about that distinction: “Everyone’s a photographer these days, it’s true” she says, “but not everybody has an eye.” CW

moreESSENTIALS

COMPLETE LISTINGS ONLINE AT CITYWEEKLY.NET

In the 2018 Sundance Film Festival documentary 306 Hollywood, filmmakers Elan and Jonathan Bogarin explore the Newark, N.J., residence of their pack-rat grandmother.

Modern West Fine Art (177 E. 200 South, modernwestfineart.com) showcases some of their discoveries in an exhibition also titled 306 Hollywood through March 14.

PERFORMANCE

THEATER

DANCE

CLASSICAL & SYMPHONY

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FEBRUARY 22, 2018 | 21

Bernstein at 100 Abravanel Hall 123 W. South Temple, Feb. 23-March 3, times vary, utahsymphony.org Discovery and Innovation: Connection to the Future Ragan Theater, Utah Valley University, 800 W. University Parkway, Orem, Feb. 28, 7:30 p.m., uvu.edu/thearts NOVA Chamber Music: Microconcerto Libby Gardner Hall, 1375 E. Presidents Circle, Feb. 25, 3 p.m., novaslc.org A Ravel Fest Gore Concert Hall, 1840 S. 1300 East, Feb. 26, 7:30 p.m., westminstercollege.edu/ tickets Salty’s 10th Birthday Concert: A Pierrot Event Urban Arts Gallery, 137 S. Rio Grande St., 919-274-3845, Feb. 23, 7:30 p.m.-10:30 p.m., saltycricket.org The United States Navy Band Kingsbury Hall, 1395 Presidents Circle, 801-581-7100, Feb. 25, 3 p.m., tickets.utah.edu UVU Honor Band Concert Sorensen Center Grande Ballroom, Utah Valley University, 800 W. University Pkwy, Orem, Feb. 24, 7:30 p.m. uvu.edu/thearts

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Ballet West: Cinderella Capitol Theatre, 50 W. 200 South, 801-355-2787, through Feb. 25, times and dates vary, artsaltlake.org Doug Varone and Dancers Marriott Center for Dance, 330 S. 1500 East, No. 106, Feb. 23-24, 7:30 p.m., tickets.utah.edu (see p. 18) RDT: In.Memory.Of. Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, Feb. 22-23, 7:30 p.m., artsaltlake.org (see p. 18) RDT Fundraiser: Regalia Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, 801-355-2787, Feb. 24, 8 p.m., rdtutah.org

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Annie Draper Historic Theatre, 12366 S. 900 East, Draper, through Feb. 24, dates and times vary, drapertheatre.org The Beautiful Game Babcock Theatre, 300 S. 1400 East, through March 4, times vary, utah.edu Bye Bye Birdie Empress Theatre, 9104 W. 2700 South, Magna, Feb. 23-March 10., times vary, empresstheatre.com Cash on Delivery Hale Centre Theatre, 9900 S. Monroe St., Sandy, through March 17, dates and times vary, hct.org Evita The Electric Theater Center, 68 E. Tabernacle, St. George, through Feb. 24, dates and times vary, thestagedoortheater.com Footloose Ziegfeld Theater, 3934 Washington Blvd., Ogden, Feb. 23-March 17, dates and times vary, theziegfeldtheater.com Hir Salt Lake Acting Co., 168 W. 500 North, through March 11, dates and times vary, saltlakeactingcompany.org The Hunchback of Notre Dame Hale Center Theatre, 9900 S. Monroe St., Sandy, through March 31, dates and time vary, hct.org i Pioneer Theater Co., 300 S. 1400 East, 801-581-6961, through March 3, times vary, pioneertheatre.org Disney’s The Little Mermaid CenterPoint Legacy Theatre, 525 N. 400 West, Centerville, Feb. 23-March 24, Monday-Saturday, times vary, centerpointtheatre.com The Little Mermaid Hale Center Theater, 225 W. 500 North, Orem, through April 14, dates and times vary, halecenter.org The Musical Comedy Murders of 1940 Grand Theatre, 1575 S. State, through Feb. 24, grandtheatrecompany.com The Music Man Rose Wagner Center 138 W. 300 South, through Feb. 23., times vary, artsaltlake.org The Nerd Theater at Mount Jordan, 300 E. 9400 South, Sandy, through March 3, FridaySaturday, 7:30 p.m., sandyarts.com Passion Good Company Theatre, 2402 Wall Ave., Ogden, through March 3, Saturday-Sunday,

8 p.m.; Sunday, 4 p.m., goodcotheatre.com Pouring Tea: Black Gay Men of the South Tell Their Tales Gore Concert Hall, Westminster College, 1840 S. 1300 East, Feb. 27, 7 p.m., westminstercollege.edu The Sound of Music Eccles Theater, 131 S. Main, Feb. 27-March 4, times vary, broadway-at-theeccles.com (see p. 18)

moreESSENTIALS COMEDY & IMPROV

Ari Shaffir Wiseguys SLC 194 S. 400 West, Feb. 22-24, times vary, 21+, wiseguyscomedy.com Front Row Film Roast: Twilight Brewvies Cinema Pub, 677 S. 200 West, Feb. 22, 10 p.m., brewvies.com Heather Mabbott Wiseguys Ogden 269 25th St., Feb. 23-24, 8 p.m., 21+, wiseguyscomedy.com Matt Iseman Wiseguys West Jordan 3763 W. Center Park Drive, Feb. 23-24, 7 & 9:30 p.m., 21+, wiseguyscomedy.com

LITERATURE AUTHOR APPEARANCES

22 | FEBRUARY 22, 2018

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Garrett M. Graff: Raven Rock: The Story of the U.S. Government’s Secret Plan to Save Itself—While the Rest of Us Die The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, 801-4849100, Feb. 24, 7 p.m., kingsenglish.com Keir Graff & James Kennedy: 90-Second Newbery Film Festival Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801-524-8200, Feb. 24, 2 p.m., slcpl.org Jennifer A. Nielsen: The Traitor’s Game South Davis County Library, 725 S. Main, Bountiful, 801-484-9100, Feb. 27, 6:30 p.m., kingsenglish.com Tricia Levenseller: Daughter of the Siren Queen Provo City Library, 550 N. University Ave., Provo, Feb. 27, 7 p.m., kingsenglish.com Willy Vlautin: Don’t Skip Out on Me Weller Book Works, 607 Trolley Square, Feb. 24, 7-10 p.m. wellerbookworks.com (see p. 18)

SPECIAL EVENTS

: S T N E S PRE

A weekly video series highlighting the BEST things to do in SLC. ...............................

Sponsored by:

FARMERS MARKETS

Rio Grande Winter Market Rio Grande Depot, 300 S. Rio Grande St., through April 21, Saturdays, 10 a.m.-2 p.m., slcfarmersmarket.org

FESTIVALS & FAIRS

Banff Film Festival Kingsbury Hall, 1395 Presidents Circle, 801-581-7100, through Feb. 22, 7 p.m., tickets.utah.edu Wizarding Dayz South Towne Expo Center, 9575 S. State, Sandy, 801-718- 7096, Feb. 23-24, wizardingdayz.com

SEASONAL EVENTS

Ice Rink Station Park 140 N. Union Ave., Farmington, 801-923-9111, through Feb. 25, shopstationpark.com

TALKS & LECTURES

David Bokovoy Weller Book Works, 607 Trolley Square, Feb. 22, 6:30 p.m. wellerbookworks.com Emma Hansen: Native Art and a Sense of Place in the Great Plains Utah Museum of Fine Arts, 410 Campus Center Drive, 801-581-7332, Feb. 22, 7 p.m., umfa.utah.edu

VISUAL ART GALLERIES & MUSEUMS

VODKA

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306 Hollywood Modern West Fine Art, 177 E. 200 South, through March 14, modernwestfineart.com (see p. 21) All Those Who Wander: Exploring the World

by Lens Bountiful Davis Art Center, 90 N. Main, Bountiful, through Feb. 28, bdac.org Andrew Alba: Spring and All Chapman Library, 577 S. 900 West, 801-594-8623, through Feb. 28, slcpl.org

COMPLETE LISTINGS ONLINE AT CITYWEEKLY.NET

Art of Infertility Art Access Gallery, 230 S. 500 West, No. 125, through March 9, accessart.org Bill Reed: Jupiter’s Belts Art at the Main, 210 E. 400 S., 801-363-4088, through March 10, times vary, artatthemain.com Bob Hope: An American Treasure Utah Cultural Celebration Center, 1355 W. 3100 South, West Valley City, through April 28, culturalcelebration.org Chauncey Secrist: Icons: Assemblages Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801-524-8200, through March 6, slcpl.org Desire Lines UMOCA, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through May 26, utahmoca.org Earl Gravy: Home Bodies, Away Teams UMOCA, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through May 13, utahmoca.org Elizabeth M. Claffey: Matrilinear Granary Art Center, 86 N. Main, Ephraim, through May 11, granaryartcenter.org Eric Overton: Monument UMOCA, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through March 17, utahmoca.org George Beard: Mormon Pioneer Artist With a Camera Alice Gallery, 617 E. South Temple, through March 2, visualarts.utah.gov Go West! Art of the American Frontier from the Buffalo Bill Center of the West Utah Museum of Fine Arts, 410 Campus Center Drive, through March 11, umfa.utah.edu Jenny Floor Photography: Animal Love Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801-524-8200, through March 2, slcpl.org Joseph Paul Vorst: A Retrospective LDS Church History Museum, 45 N. West Temple, through April 15, history.lds.org Justin Watson: Permadeath UMOCA, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through March 3, utahmoca.org Katie Paterson: salt 13 Utah Museum of Fine Arts, 410 Campus Center Drive, 801-581-7332, through May 20, umfa.utah.edu Lucy Peterson Watkins: Fiber Art Exhibit Red Butte Garden, 300 Wakara Way, 801-585-0556, through Feb. 25, redbuttegarden.org Merritt Johnson: Exorcising America UMOCA, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, May 12, utahmoca.org Miroslava K. Vomela: Vivid Image-ination Corinne and Jack Sweet Library, 455 F St., 801-594-8651, through Feb. 24, slcpl.org Nathan Florence: Toward Home Modern West Fine Art, 177 W. 200 South, through March 10, modernwestfineart.com Nicole Pietrantoni: Alas, Alack Kimball Art Center, 1401 Kearns Blvd., Park City, through April 15, kimballartcenter.org Once Upon a Time Urban Arts Gallery, 137 S. Rio Grande St., through March 4, urbanartsgallery.org Peter Ruplinger: Custom Stained Glass Anderson-Foothill Library, 1135 S. 2100 East, 801-594-8611, through March 15, slcpl.org Rebecca Pyle: Paintings, Other Artwork Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801-524-8200, through Feb. 24, slcpl.org Simon Blundell: Fragmentation and Language Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801-524-8200, through Feb. 23, slcpl.org Square One: Helper Artists of Utah Finch Lane Gallery, 54 Finch Lane, through Feb. 23, saltlakearts.org World of the Wild Art Show Hogle Zoo, 2600 Sunnyside Ave., 801-584-1700, through March 3, hoglezoo.org

ENRIQUE LIMÓN

BY ALEX SPRINGER comments@cityweekly.net @captainspringer

AT A GLANCE

Open: Monday-Saturday, 11 a.m.-9 p.m.; Sunday 11 a.m.-8 p.m.

Can’t Miss: Kettle-roasted turkey Best bet: Wear stretchy pants

FEBRUARY 22, 2018 | 23

meals that kept cattle drivers of the Old West fed while herding them dogies. The “A-Rama” portion of the name was born when original owners, Don Moss and Wayne Chamberlain, attended a Scout-O-Rama to show their support of the Boy Scouts of America. A bountiful, stick-to-your-bones buffet inspired by the majesty of our state’s cowboy heritage and Boy Scouts is practically Utah

| CITY WEEKLY |

While the buffet is a decent spread for the price ($10.99$11.99 for lunch; $13.99$14.99 for dinner), time and age turned my last visit into a showdown with a rogue’s gallery of Utah’s most notorious food criminals, and I’m not sure I emerged victorious.

Conceptually, Chuck-ARama’s heart has always been in the right place. It started as an homage to the chuck wagon

N

ostalgia can be a bitch sometimes. How many magical memories of childhood movies, TV and food have been wrecked by the passage into adulthood? Too many— that’s how many. Chuck-A-Rama (multiple locations, chucka-rama.com) is my most recent addition to the mass grave of childhood sentimentality that contains Kool-Aid, Fruit Gushers and The Last Starfighter.

should be enhanced by dual softserve machines. Where the bulk of Chuck-A-Rama’s savory food unapologetically mines the sodiumheavy end of the flavor spectrum, the dessert bar launches you into a saccharine orgy so fast that whiplash ensues. There’s no sense in criticizing such a debauched pantheon of dessert offerings, but take my advice and tread lightly—just because there’s so much to choose from doesn’t mean you should try all of it at once, Augustus.

In the end, I suppose that’s the lesson those of us whose metabolism has decreased considerably with age can learn from visiting a place like this. Buffet-style eating is a young person’s game, and I’m sure the Chuck will represent a point of nostalgia and a foodie rite of passage for Utahns in perpetuity. As for me, I’ll be over here playing “Taps” on an imaginary trumpet as I lay one more fond childhood memory to rest. CW

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Experiencing a new sensation and confronting existential dread at Chuck-A-Rama.

Using some innovative engineering techniques and plain bad judgment, I managed to build a few epic tacos by mixing their staple fillings of ground beef, shredded cheddar cheese, pico de gallo, guac and sour cream with stuff from other tables—kettle roasted turkey with mac and cheese for the win, y’all. The pork burritos and chicken enchiladas were fine in a culturally appropriated sort of way, but the overall effect didn’t quite nail the cheap Mexican food vibe I was hoping for.

Highlights of the daily hot food bar are the aforementioned roast turkey, along with the carving table where diners can also get sliced turkey, ham and roast beef. These are ChuckA-Rama’s foundational items, and they pair nicely with any other side.

Perhaps the most dishonorable felon in the vicinity is the flimsy cheese bread they’re trying to pass off as pizza. Even when pizza is bad it’s supposed to be good, but this flaccid pie was a true abomination.

I had been managing my appetite pretty well until it came time to attack the dessert bar. It comprises two tables full of Technicolor cakes, bread pudding, sticky buns, brownies and cookies, all of which can and

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

In Excess

in a box, and Chuck-A-Rama will always be worth visiting for its role as a repository for dishes and techniques that have come to define the state’s cuisine.

The problem with its current menu is that the canned soup and JellO recipes of traditional Utah fare haven’t aged particularly well. I’m not long into my visit before I see the menagerie of antiquated side dishes that think they can hang at the salad station despite their mini-marshmallow and Cool Whip flair. All the major players are there—broccoli salad with dried cranberries, washed-out shreds of carrot salad and thick heaps of mayo-drenched potato salad are just a few faces in the lineup. My efforts to rate the best entry in this category proved to be difficult since they all started to taste the same after a while. That’s not to say that the flavors were bad, but things get a little one-note when eating salads that consist of fruit and veggies slathered in sugary goop.

Depending on the day, the ’Rama has a full table dedicated to Americanized versions of Mexican, Italian and Chinese food. I happened to go on Mexican night, where the best bet would have to be the taco bar.

FOOD MATTERS

BY ALEX SPRINGER @captainspringer

Award Winning Donuts

Make Way for Tearless Onions

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

After a long and pungent struggle, science has finally conquered the caustic, tear-inducing chain reaction that onions use to essentially throw sulfuric acid into our eyes. Thanks to decades of carefully controlled cross-breeding—without genetic modifications, which greatly reduces the risk of a sentient onion uprising—a few farms in Washington and Nevada have perfected the process of growing tearless onions. These wonders of agricultural science are known as Sunions, and they are now available in Salt Lake. Macey’s, Dan’s, Fresh Market, Lin’s, Dick’s, Harmons, Clark’s, Ridley’s and Terrell’s are all stocking Sunions in their produce section. The days of chopping onions while wearing masks or goggles are officially over. Thanks, science!

A Winning Combo

Valentine’s Day has come and gone, but those who continue to feel amorous throughout the month can catch Under Current’s (279 S. 300 East, 801-5742556, undercurrentbar.com) Absinthe and Oyster event on Feb. 24 from 2 to 4 p.m. In the tradition of Under Current’s previous food and wine symposiums, the event focuses on absinthe’s colorful history and the events surrounding its current revival. Three absinthe brands are on hand, and drinks are accompanied by fresh oysters. Both absinthe and oysters are traditionally considered to be aphrodisiacs, so feeling frisky is to be expected.

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24 | FEBRUARY 22, 2018

705 S. 700 E. | (801) 537-1433

Change to County Health Code

Buy one entree

get one

free! monday - friday only

equal or lesser value w/ this ad expires 03.30.18

54 w. 1700 s.

M-F 7:30am-3pm Sat/Sun 7:30am-4pm

In response to the recent hepatitis A outbreak that originated after food-handling employees infected with the virus came into contact with customer orders, the Salt Lake County Board of Health has made a few changes to the county health code. From this point on, all restaurants within the county are required to furnish hepatitis A vaccines for food-handling employees who live with or otherwise interact with those who are infected with the virus. It also holds restaurants and other food establishments, like gas stations, accountable for maintaining vaccination records for all of their employees who come into contact with food. Thanks again, science!

Quote of the Week: “Life is like an onion: You peel off layer after layer and then you find there is nothing in it.”

—James Huneker Food matters tips: comments@cityweekly.net

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CHINESE SEAFOOD | SUSHI | MONGOLIAN

T E L : 8 0 1 . 9 6 9 . 6 6 6 6 | 5 6 6 8 S R E D W O O D R D TAY L O R S V I L L E , U T T E L : 8 0 1 . 9 6 0 . 9 6 6 9 | 1 2 3 S O U T H S TAT E S T R E E T, O R E M , U T

FEBRUARY 22, 2018 | 25

KING BUFFET

L U N C H B U F F E T • D I N N E R B U F F E T • S AT U R D AY & S U N D AY A L L D AY D I N N E R B U F F E T

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26 | FEBRUARY 22, 2018

An Apple Ale a Day Walking the blurry line between beer and cider

BY MIKE RIEDEL comments@cityweekly.net @utahbeer

O

n my most recent trip to the beer aisle, I noticed an odd trend: Many of the big beer manufacturers are making apple ales. Now I’m not opposed to apple beers, and I love ciders, but the ones I’ve had seem to be blurring the line between cider and beer. Are there any really good apple ales out there that are worth your hard earned quatloos? I looked to three local examples to find out.

Uinta Crisp Apple: This brand-new beer from Uinta has an aroma that is akin to sliced green apple, mixed with a good deal of caramel and candied sugar sweetness.

The taste is powerfully sweet with green apple, but while this beer is apple-forward, there are also some notes of a candied and sour taste at the start, which give the over-

all flavor profile an apple sweet/tartness reminiscent of Jolly Ranchers. A little bit of a floral flavor and some light grain come at the very end, and you’re left with a candied green apple taste lingering on the tongue.

This beer is on the thinner side, with a carbonation level that is prickly.

Overall: This 4.0 percent ABV beer comes across as rather soda-like, and the beer aspects get a little lost in the sweet cider side of things. If you really dig those sweet snack flavors, this will work for you, but if you’re a session drinker, the candy-like aspects can wear on your tongue.

Epic Sour Apple Saison: There’s some faint haze in this pale yellow beer as its tight white head fizzles out to a cap of bubbles. Right off the top, you get classic Belgian saison notes from the yeast as your nose gets on top of the beer. There’s some pepper, lemon and a clay-like mineral zap that follows, with apple and clove rounding out the aroma. Like the nose, Sour Apple Saison’s flavor is spice-forward, with a clear focus on the Belgian yeast and the base beer, with the apple flavors added to enhance it. There is a little of the sour apple emerging through the spices with a hint of citrusy lemon and peppery snap. The finish is reminiscent of green apple skins.

Overall: Epic has crafted a wonderful fruited Belgian-style saison. The Granny Smith apple flavors enhance the beer without taking control of the whole show. Its 7.7

MIKE RIEDEL

BEER NERD

percent ABV is well hidden.

Mountain West Cottonwood: Since I’m showcasing beers that are masquerading as ciders, I think it’s only appropriate to examine a cider pretending to be a beer: Cottonwood is hopped cider. Typically, ciders never have hops added to them, but with new varieties of fruit-like hops hitting the market, this relatively new practice is becoming a more common trend. This cider pours a clear straw gold color with a bit of haze from the hops. The head appears for about five seconds, then fizzles away quickly. The aroma is nice, evoking green and sweet apples, and some floral/grassy

hops. The taste pretty much follows the same path, but with more intensity. Apple, of course, is prevalent with a blend of tart and sweet varietals. A mustiness creeps in next, then the hops assert themselves with mostly floral and pine bitterness. The finish is slightly bitter with a big tannin dryness.

Overall: This cider is fairly dry, and the hop additions make it even more so. If you like your ciders more pie-like, this is not the apple beverage for you. As a beer substitute? Not so much, but it is a nice alternative to beer.

All three of these adult beverages are available today. Check them out and share your thoughts. As always, cheers! CW

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SLC’S newest sushi lounge

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488 E 100 S 801.359.2092 hamachislc.com

18 MARKET STREET • 801.519.9595

FEBRUARY 22, 2018 | 27

LUNCH • DINNER • COCKTAILS

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Contemporary Japanese Dining

REVIEW BITES A sample of our critic’s reviews

150 South 400 East, SLC | 801-322-3733 www.freewheelerpizza.com

ENRIQUE LIMÓN

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28 | FEBRUARY 22, 2018

Delivering Attitude for 40 years!

The Belgian Waffle & Omelet Inn

A first-time visitor to this cozy haven for all things golden brown could possibly interpret the humble surroundings as dive-y—but that’s why it’s so charming. It should go without saying that breakfast is why this place exists. The Belgian Delight ($6.99) lets diners customize the restaurant’s eponymous waffle with a wide range of toppings, including ice cream and chocolate syrup, or strawberries and whipped cream. While the waffles are the place’s trademark, its secret weapon is something known only as Garbage Hash ($7.49, or $8.99 with eggs)—a metric ton of hash browns, ham, bacon, onions, green peppers and mushrooms with the melty embrace of jack and cheddar cheese. Its sheer size and scope combines everything that is good about a savory breakfast into an unapologetically gleeful mess. The extra $1.50 for two eggs over easy is more than worth it—nothing brings the whole thing together quite like some golden yolks. You’ll quickly realize, whether you’re a longtime fan or you’re just looking for a place to get reasonably priced diner food in the middle of the night, that it’s the lack of pretension and warm service that’s made TBW an institution. Reviewed Jan. 25. 7331 S. 900 East, Midvale, 801-566-5731 AS SEEN ON “ DINERS, DRIVE-INS AND DIVES”

Serving American Comfort Food Since 1930 -CREEKSIDE PATIO-87 YEARS AND GOING STRONG-BREAKFAST SERVED DAILY UNTIL 4PM-DELICIOUS MIMOSAS & BLOODY MARY’S-LIVE MUSIC ON THE PATIO-SCHEDULE AT RUTHSDINER.COM“In a perfect world, every town would have a diner just like Ruth’s” -CityWeekly

“Like having dinner at Mom’s in the mountains” -Cincinnati Enquirer

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Simply Delicious!

-SINCE 1968-

Featuring dining destinations from buffets and rooms with a view to mom-and-pop joints, chic cuisine and some of our dining critic’s faves.

Trolley Wing Co.

Trolley Wing Co.’s foundation is its wings, which are served with your choice of 13 housemade sauces.

These are not your typical wings: Thick and meaty with the just right dosage of sauce. Order your wings bone-in, bone-free or vegan, and don’t forget a locally crafted beer to wash ’em down. If you have some sort of gripe with your tastebuds, try the Enema Challenge: 12 wings in the Hotter Than Hell sauce. If you can finish them in 30 minutes, there’s no charge. 2148 S. 900 East, 801-538-0745, trolleywingcompany.com

italianvillageslc.com

5370 S. 900 E. 801. 266. 4182

MON-THU 11a-11p FRI-SAT 11a-12a SUN 3p-10p

The Wild Rose

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2005 E. 2700 SOUTH, SLC Best of Utah FELDMANSDELI.COM 2015 OPEN TUES - SAT TO GO ORDERS: (801) 906-0369

@ FELDMANSDELI

If operating two of the south valley’s finest whitetablecloth restaurant experiences wasn’t enough, chef Ken Rose opened The Wild Rose at The District in South Jordan. The menu differs from his other ventures (Tiburon Fine Dining, Epic Casual Dining) with a more eclectic mix for the adventurous palate.

Start off with the diver scallops or steamed clams, then work your way into something that sounds as delicious as it tastes, such as the beef tenderloin with ruby-port demi-glace and a hint of dark chocolate, sliver of artisan blue cheese and creamy mashed potatoes. But you can’t really go wrong with anything at the Rose. 11516 S. District Main Drive, South Jordan, 801-970-7673, wildrose-district.com

Go

OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK MON - SAT 7AM - 11PM SUN 8AM - 10PM 469 EAST 300 SOUTH ● 521-6567

FEBRUARY 22, 2018 | 29

RESTAURANT

The early bird gets the worm. At The Park Café, they get a table. People line 1300 South daily just to get a seat at the homestyle breakfast and lunch joint. Grab a table inside or on the porch, and treat yourself to what just might be the tastiest breakfast potatoes in the history of spuds. There’s not a bad choice on the menu, but you can’t go wrong with the Odelay omelet (sausage, peppers, onions, mushrooms and cheddar cheese) or the fluffy and delectable banana pancakes. 604 E. 1300 South, 801-487-1670, theparkcafeslc.com

9460 S Union Square #106, Sandy 801-432-8736

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THE OTHER PLACE

The Park Café

Mon.-Fri. 5pm-10pm Sat.-Sun. 11am-10pm

Greek

Greek-American Gregory Skedros opened the doors to Mandarin in 1978, and it’s been one of Utah’s premier Chinese restaurants ever since. The kitchen is bustling with chefs from Hong Kong and San Francisco, whose woks fire up some of the best fare you’ll find in town. The family-run eatery has sustained success in its Bountiful location with a combination of wellversed chefs, loyal customers and a menu that can’t be topped. 348 E. 900 North, Bountiful, 801298-2406, mandarinutah.com

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Mandarin

FILM REVIEW

Playing for Keeps

Game Night finds the fun in people who don’t know the game is real.

BY ERIC D. SNIDER comments@cityweekly.net @ericdsnider

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O B O R Y N I H S G BI

T!

News from the geeks. what’s new in comics, games, movies and beyond.

he very funny Game Night belongs to the comedy sub-genre of People Think They’re Pretending But It’s Actually Real, a class that includes such fine entries as ¡Three Amigos!, GalaxyQuest and A Bug’s Life—which are all pretty much the same movie—plus Tropic Thunder and the under-appreciated Bill Murray entry The Man Who Knew Too Little. The key to making a plot like this work is to not let the oblivious parties remain oblivious for longer than the audience can believe, which depends on how clueless you’ve established the main characters to be. It’s trickier when they are smart, though it’s potentially funnier to see a smart person—especially a smug one—be deceived.

That’s what Game Night achieves. Directed with surprising visual flair by John Francis Daley and Jonathan Goldstein (the Vacation reboot duo) from a screenplay by Mark Perez (Accepted), it focuses on shrewd, competitive married couple Max (Jason Bateman) and Annie (Rachel McAdams), who met at bar trivia and have made board games a regular part of their lives. They host a weekly gathering to crush their opponents/friends, attended by fellow marrieds Kevin (Lamorne Morris) and Michelle (Kylie Bunbury), and singleton dummy Ryan (Billy Magnussen) and his rotating series of Instagram-model dates.

One night, they are spontaneously joined by Max’s older brother, Brooks (Kyle Chandler), a jet-setting entrepreneur who makes Max feel inferior and has a lifelong track record of beating him at everything.

Brooks has arranged for the group to play an immersive murder-mystery game, where actors would come to their house and “kidnap” one person, then the others compete in deciphering clues to save

WARNER BROS. PICTURES

T

| CITY WEEKLY |

30 | FEBRUARY 22, 2018

CINEMA

him. But wouldn’t you know it, actual kidnappers show up and have a knock-down, drag-out fight with Brooks before dragging him away in front of the three couples, who are impressed by the authenticity of the fight and eager to start sleuthing.

The pairs work separately for a while, each twosome pursuing a different wrong path to solve what they have not yet realized is a real kidnapping. Max and Annie, normally a great team, start to unravel under the pressure, culminating in a hilarious scene where they must tend to a wound while bickering and fighting back nausea.

There’s great comic potential in intelligent people thinking they have the upper hand when we know they don’t, and Bateman and McAdams—he with his smugness, she with her confidence—are perfect for it. Kevin and Michelle’s mini-thread is his discovery that she once cheated on him with a celebrity, which he obsesses over endlessly and which ultimately pays more comic dividends than you’d expect. And Ryan, that gleamy-eyed fool, has brought a ringer as a date on this particular night, a co-worker named Sarah (Sharon Horgan) who’s smart but doesn’t like him.

The reality of the situation becomes clear soon enough, and the six players set out to rescue Brooks, whose trouble with organized crime is what led to this whole ordeal and leads to the plot of the film getting so big it almost derails. It’s held together by the cohesive group of characters; they can

Jason Bateman and Rachel McAdams in Game Night.

be snippy with one another, but they always revert to affectionate teamwork before the mood grows caustic. The comedy gets dark, occasionally involving violence and pain, but it’s never nihilistic or mean-spirited.

You see that basic good-naturedness in a jaunty, well-choreographed sequence where the players cooperate to keep a Fabergé egg out of some bad guys’ hands (it’s a long story), and in the film’s treatment of Max and Annie’s next-door neighbor, Gary (Jesse Plemons), a sad-sack police officer who was a regular game-night attendee until he and his wife divorced and he stopped being invited. Established first as an object of scorn, the humorless Gary comes to be a sympathetic character whose amusing idiosyncrasies endear him to us and his neighbors. It helps that Plemons is clearly enjoying himself, giving a performance that’s loopy and weird but always under control. The whole cast has that infectious can-do attitude, resulting in an unexpectedly sharp, upbeat action comedy. CW

GAME NIGHT

BBB Jason Bateman Rachel McAdams Jesse Plemons R

TRY THESE

exclusively on cityweekly.net

¡Three Amigos!

(1986) Steve Martin Chevy Chase PG

GalaxyQuest (1999) Tim Allen Sigourney Weaver PG

Accepted (2006) Justin Long Jonah Hill R

Vacation (2015) Ed Helms Christina Applegate R

NEW THIS WEEK Information is correct at press time. Film release schedules are subject to change.

ANNIHILATION [not yet reviewed] A research team explores an area full of unexplained phenomena.

Opens Feb. 23 at theaters valleywide. (R) EVERY DAY [not yet reviewed] A teen girl falls in love with a person whose consciousness shifts to a new body every 24 hours. Opens Feb. 23 at theaters valleywide. (PG-13) GAME NIGHT BBB See review on p. 30. Opens Feb. 23 at theaters valleywide. (R)

SPECIAL SCREENINGS CALL ME BY YOUR NAME At Park City Film Series, Feb. 23-24, 8 p.m. & Feb. 25, 6 p.m. (R) PATHS TO PARADISE At Edison Street Events, Feb. 22-23, 7:30 p.m. (NR) STRONG ISLAND At Main Library, Feb. 27, 7 p.m. (NR) THROUGH THE REPELLENT FENCE At Utah Museum of Fine Arts, Feb. 28, 7 p.m. (NR)

CURRENT RELEASES

FILM STARS DON’T DIE IN LIVERPOOL BBB A movie about the magnetism of movie stars revolves around the magnetism of its own star, as director Paul McGuigan adapts the memoir by Peter Turner (Jamie Bell) about his experience as a 26-year-old would-be actor in 1979 Liverpool, beginning a love affair with 55-year-old Oscar-winning actress Gloria Grahame (Annette Bening). The structure moves effectively across time periods, building compelling drama around the obviously

CINEMA CLIPS MOVIE TIMES AND LOCATIONS AT CITYWEEKLY.NET

THE INSULT BB.5 This Best Foreign Language Film nominee is beautifully filmed, acted and directed—but it also features two lead characters who are so detestable that it’s hard to sit through 114 minutes without screaming, “Just fucking apologize and both of you stop being assholes.” Anyone with knowledge of Lebanese history, specifically the Damour massacre, might be enthralled at how one simple insult—a Palestinian man calls a Lebanese man a “fucking prick” after a disagreement over a drainage pipe— nearly spirals into full-fledged rioting that ends in a courtroom drama and pleas for peace from the president. Without context, it feels like a Trump supporter and a Clinton supporter are screaming at each other for nearly two hours, albeit with subtitles. I’ve seen enough of that over the past two years.

That’s my context. (NR)—David Riedel PETER RABBIT BBB Nominally based on the Beatrix Potter characters, it casts Peter (voice of James Corden) as a mischievous bunny who clashes with Thomas (Domhnall Gleeson), the city-dweller who inherits Mr. McGregor’s farm; neighbor Bea (Rose Byrne), an artist who loves drawing the bunnies, provides both romantic interest for Thomas and surrogate parent for Peter. Director Will Gluck makes the action more Bugs Bunny than Peter Rabbit in its slapstick intensity, and leans hard into referential humor and fourth-wall-breaking, undercutting the halfhearted attempts to give Peter’s story an emotional hook. But the gags are at least generally amusing rather than annoying, with Gleeson and Byrne committing fully to playing opposite CGI critters. While it may be a low bar, it’s nice nowadays when a family film makes you chuckle more than it makes you feel bad for young viewers. (PG)—SR

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BLACK PANTHER BBB In 2018 America, Black Panther arrives freighted with significance beyond its actual storyline—but co-writer/director Ryan Coogler runs toward that sense of responsibility rather than away from it. He dives into the story of T’Challa/Black Panther (Chadwick Boseman), who fights to preserve his hidden kingdom of Wakanda from the threat of mysterious outsider Killmonger (Michael B. Jordan). Coogler takes his time with his world-building, creating a rich sense of Wakanda’s tradition and the women whose characters are just as powerful as the men. And Jordan provides a fascinating villain for this tangled meditation on power and responsibility. The comic-book action rarely takes off in ways that are nearly as memorable, yet maybe that’s a backhanded form of praise: This is a movie that might think too big to be contained by the package in which it’s being delivered. (PG-13)—Scott Renshaw

FIFTY SHADES FREED BB I’m all for the “female gaze;” just maybe give them something less tedious to gaze at. The trilogy finale finds Anastasia (Dakota Johnson) and Christian (Jamie Dornan) just married, facing typical newlywed challenges: Will she change her name?

Who will make dinner? Will her vengeful ex-boss (Eric Johnson) kill her? The latter might make it sound like a thriller, but the plot takes up around 10 minutes of screen time, leaving much of the rest devoted to sexy hair-washing, sexy ice cream-eating, etc. Johnson remains a standout, giving herself earnestly to a portrait of a woman demanding equality of every kind from her relationship. Mostly, this is a movie about staring at things lustfully, and not just bodies. With all the luxurious living spaces and exotic getaways, this series is as much lifestyle-porn as porn-porn, more HGTV than BDSM. (R)—SR

doomed romance. But the movie belongs to Bening, who turns Gloria’s flirtatious helium voice into a fascinating portrait of a woman who can’t bear being thought of as old. An odd late shift from Peter’s point of view shows us things that should be obvious from context, yet all is forgiven after a heartbreaking scene of Gloria performing Shakespeare, conveying how much more real she could be as an actor than she could be while performing as “Gloria Grahame, movie star.” (R)—SR

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

THUNDERBALL At Main Library, Feb. 28, 2 p.m. (NR)

EARLY MAN B.5 The lovingly handcrafted stop-motion of Aardman Animation is intact, but where is director Nick Park’s trademark smart, subversive and heartwarming humor? This is just a standardissue underdog sports comedy, as caveman Dug (Eddie Redmayne) and his Stone Age tribe of doofuses must compete in a soccer match against professional players from a more advanced city, with self-determination as the prize. The humor here is disappointingly low: simple slapstick, mild gay panic, crotch injuries and “isn’t it hilarious that women are sexual beings.”

Movies about sports usually work to appeal to those of us who aren’t into sports by letting the sports stuff serve as a metaphor for something larger, but Early Man is about almost literally nothing except soccer. Is it crude and simple where Aardman’s other work has been sophisticated and multilayered? Yes. But there’s no pleasure in saying so. (PG)—MaryAnn Johanson

GAME NIGHT

677 S. 200 W. SLC • BREWVIES.COM • 21+ • CALL FOR SCOTTY’S SHOWTIMES & SPIEL @ 355.5500

FEBRUARY 22, 2018 | 31

BLACK PANTHER

| CITY WEEKLY |

FILM • FOOD • NEIGHBORHOOD BAR SHOWING: FEBRUARY 23RD - MARCH 1ST

more than just movies at brewvies

Classical Swag

MUSIC

Black Violin juxtaposes classical refinement and hip-hop attitude.

BY HOWARD HARDEE comments@cityweekly.net

K

evin Sylvester is often astonished by how far the violin has taken him, especially when he’s performing.

“I’ll be on stage and look down and think, ‘I can’t believe I’m still playing this thing,’” he says. “It’s given me everything. It’s definitely surreal.”

Sylvester—aka Kev Marcus—is the lone violinist in Black Violin; his partner Wilner Baptiste (Wil B.) plays the viola and sings.

The duo plays with the swagger of hip-hop artists and the gravitas of classically trained musicians. It’s a badass combination. Together, they’ve collaborated with high-profile acts such as Kanye West, Wu-Tang Clan, Aerosmith and the late Tom Petty, but Sylvester doesn’t dwell much on career highlights. He’s more motivated by the opportunities they’ve been denied.

“Along the way, a lot of people have said no,” Sylvester says in a telephone interview. “You had two black guys playing violin, they wanted to sell out your club or theater or whatever, but a lot of people didn’t want to take a chance on that.

There has been a lot of that stuff over the years.”

That was especially true when Baptiste and Sylvester were young musicians trying to establish themselves in south Florida’s DJ-heavy nightclub scene. “We’d have people laugh us out the door, like, ‘You’re violinists, this is South Beach, get out of here,’” he recalls. “Then we’d play for them and they’d get it. So, for the first few years of our career we were just driving around, trying to show people what we were. If they saw it, they were sold.”

He explains that playing violin wasn’t his choice: In fifth grade, he got into some trouble, and his mother signed him up for music lessons. Although he fell in love with hip-hop in middle school, Sylvester continued studying classical music at a high level, allowing him to attend a high school for performing arts where he met Baptiste. This musical path turned out to be a boon for Sylvester’s family, because he was awarded a full scholarship to attend Florida International University. The campus was ethnically and culturally diverse, he recalls, but he still stood out as one of only two black people in the orchestra. That experience stuck with him as Black Violin took off.

“The more diverse any art form is, the better it is,” he says. “We were able to take our hip-hop influences, inject them into this classical art form and take it to another place. Hopefully, now we’re showing little black and brown kids that they can play these instruments that white people usually play, and showing kids of all colors that it’s not about your technique, but about approaching music in a way that no one else has.”

For the upcoming tour, Black Violin is rolling out several new classical mash-ups, including Bach mixed with The Notorious B.I.G. and Mozart rolled into Cardi B. Onstage, they are backed by DJ SPS and drummer Nat Stokes, who lay hip-hop beats underneath the duo’s lush, emotionally powerful string arrangements.

Now that Black Violin has plenty of shows under their belt (they played 180 shows in 2017, alone), they don’t want to get comfortable and coast. They want to keep their shows dynamic and fresh. That entails brainstorming different ways of doing things, and adding new dramatic stage elements. “How can we give you more of what you

COLIN BRENNAN

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32 | FEBRUARY 22, 2018

CONCERT PREVIEW

Wilner Baptiste and Kevin Sylvester weren’t expecting?” Sylvester says. Incorporating the new ideas involves a lot of advance preparation, but not necessarily practice: “It’s more about concepts rather than sitting down with instruments.”

Black Violin also tries to use their platform to inspire as well as entertain. “We like to challenge our audiences,” Sylvester says. “What else can you do with the thing that you love that no one thought was possible?” The short answer is to show audiences what they, too, can achieve: “Nobody thought we could do these things with the violin and here we are doing it. We challenge you to do the same thing with whatever it is you love to do.”

Basically, Sylvester and Baptiste show that classical music can knock hard, and also help break down the assumption that only white people play orchestral instruments. However, they hope their influence reaches beyond music, prompting people to take whatever they love to the next level. Their message applies to anything: literature, science, sports. “We just need forward thinkers in general,” Sylvester says. “If you love basketball, don’t shoot the J like Steph [Curry]. Find a whole new way to shoot it.” CW

BLACK VIOLIN

Monday, Feb. 26, 7:30 p.m.

Ellen Eccles Theatre 43 S. Main, Logan 435-752-0026 $30 (child, student and group discounts available) All ages cachearts.org Tuesday, Feb. 27, 7:30 p.m.

Kingsbury Hall 1395 E. Presidents Circle 801-581-7100 $20-$35 (youth, family, student and faculty discounts available) All ages tickets.utah.edu

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FEBRUARY 22, 2018 | 33

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THIS WEEK’S MUSIC PICKS

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So there’s Chicago soul, Memphis soul, New Orleans soul, Philly soul … But why doesn’t anyone every talk about Montreal soul? Probably because, kinda like SLC soul, it’s so unofficial it’s practically nonexistent. Besides, regional flavor—like caucasians—is becoming less of a thing.

The internet has made music omnipresent and virtually free; we’re no longer limited by budget, geography or radio station wattage in terms of what music we can consume or make. Inspiration can hit anyone, anywhere. That’s how you wind up with bands like Busty and the Bass, a nine-piece from Montreal, Quebec, Canada. They call their stuff electrosoul and hip-hop, but that sells it short.

Sure, they rap on their second album Uncommon Good (Indica, 2017), and draw from an array of sounds, but the prevailing aesthetic is real-deal soul in a spectrum of flavors: sunny Philly soul, funky Memphis soul and trippy psychedelic soul, peppered by old-school funk, happy ’80s R&B and subtle contemporary pop.

Such a seamless blend makes for an infectious and irresistible listen, and lets an audacious album title ring beautifully true. So much so, in fact, that you want to give their sound its own name and identity—something that acknowledges its existence and encourages its proliferation.

Margo Price

GREG MCCAHON

Busty and the Bass

Since geographic appellations are going the way of the honky buffalo, let’s just call it Busty. (Randy Harward) Kilby Court, 741 S. 330 West, 7 p.m., $12 presale; $15 day of show, all ages, kilbycourt.com

FRIDAY 2/23

Margo Price, Blank Range

The greatest country singers have a way of getting under your skin. When Patsy Cline, Loretta Lynn, Hank Williams Sr. or Neko Case sing, you’re mesmerized.

ANGELINA CASTILLO

34 | FEBRUARY 22, 2018

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Busty and the Bass Somehow, they know all the words to what you thought was your own personal soundtrack of hard luck, broken hearts, bad habits and self-sabotaging behavior.

They sing these tunes with such conviction that, after a succession of shots and beers, you can fool yourself into believing you’ve actually connected—perhaps in the corner booth of a cosmic honky-tonk that exists deep in the grooves of black wax rotating on an axis. Illinois-born Margo Price dwells in Nashville, which does its level best to kill this kind of authentic country music, so thank the Nebulous Deity she recorded her 2016 debut Midwest Farmer’s Daughter at Sun Studio in Memphis, where it thrives.

Although she left Sun for All American Made (Third Man, 2017), Price only went down the street to the related and more spacious Sam Phillips studios. The album picks up where Daughter left off, with Price’s dulcet twang articulating heartache that’s hers and yours as you knock back shots in some corner of your mind. But let’s not relegate Price to some wish-fulfillment fantasyland, because back in the real world, she’s singing about things that matter now. A timely and topical example is “Pay Gap,” where Price isn’t content to wallow in a bad situation; she wants to do something about it, telling anyone who thinks women are making something out of nothing, “Why don’t you do the math?”

That oughta get under the skin of the deniers. (RH) The State Room, 638 S. State, 9 p.m., sold out (check for tickets at lyte.com), 21+, thestateroom.com

GRAB A BITE

TONIGHT

DINNER AND A SHOW. ONLY AT GRACIE’S! FEBRUARY 21

THE NATE ROBINSON TRIO PLAYING 10-1

FEBRUARY 22

LIVE SOUL, FUNK AND JAZZ WITH A.M. BUMP 8PM-11PM

FEBRUARY 24

FEBRUARY 27

TUESDAY NIGHT BLUEGRASS JAM WITH HOSTS PIXIE AND THE PARTYGRASS BOYS 7PM-10PM

SATURDAY BRUNCH 10-3 CHASEONE2 10PM

2PM

FEBRUARY 25

SUNDAY BRUNCH 10-3 SUNDAY NIGHT BLUES WITH HOSTS NICK GRECO AND BLUES ON FIRST 7PM-10PM

HIGHLAND

$3 Miller Lite Imperial Pints Sunday and Monday

Thursdays

Fridays

$3 FIREBALLS-

Mondays 75¢ WINGS ALL DAY

*Dine-In Only

Play Geeks Who Drink Trivia every Wednesday at 6:30 Play Breaking Bingo every Wednesday at 9:00

Tuesdays KARAOKE

Wednesdays

BREAKING BINGO $3000 POT-8PM

3000 S Highland Dr, Salt Lake City, UT 84106 801.484.5597 | Lumpysbar.com

326 S. West Temple • Open 11-2am, M-F 10-2am Sat & Sun • graciesslc.com • 801-819-7565

FEBRUARY 22, 2018 | 35

9PM

| CITY WEEKLY |

KARAOKE

saturdays

SCANDALOUS SATURDAY’S W/ DJ LOGIK

COLLEGE NIGHT FREE CORN HOLE & BEER PONG-$2 COORS & BUD DRAFTS

Enjoy APPY HOUR 1/2 off appetizers every day 4pm-6pm & 10pm-midnight.

| MUSIC | CINEMA | DINING | A&E | NEWS |

d ken Wee h Until nc Bru

FEBRUARY 26

MONDAY NIGHT JAZZ SESSION WITH DAVID HALLIDAY AND THE JVQ 7PM-10PM

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

FEBRUARY 23

ERIC ANTHONY 6PM-9PM FUNKY FRIDAY WITH DJ ELLIOTT ESTES 10PM

MORE LIVE BLUES WITH TONY HOLIDAY AND THE VELVETONES 10PM-1AM

LIVE

e b o t e c a l p The ! i k s s è r p A r fo

CHRISTOPHER MARCH VIA WIKIMEDIA COMMONS

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

| NEWS | A&E | DINING | CINEMA | MUSIC |

| CITY WEEKLY |

36 | FEBRUARY 22, 2018

SPIR ITS . FO O D . LO CA L BEER

MONDAY 2/26 2.21 JIM FISH

2.22 MORGAN SNOW

2.23 CROOK AND THE BLUFF

2.24 FOLK HOLGAN

2.26 OPEN BLUES & MORE JAM

2.28 SIMPLY B

3200 E BIG COTTONWOOD ROAD 801.733.5567 | THEHOGWALLOW.COM

Slim Cessna’s Auto Club, The Utah County Swillers, George Cessna

Slim Cessna’s Auto Club is a natural pit stop when venturing into country and rockabilly music’s dark underbelly—er, undercarriage.

This Denver gothabilly band celebrated its quarter-century anniversary last year but the sound they purvey—with deep roots in country blues, rockabilly and snake-handling gospel music—is, for all its old-timey inspiration, timeless. Originally on the Alternative Tentacles label, in 2015 they started their own SCAC Unincorporated imprint, on which they released The Commandments According to SCAC (2016). George Cessna of Baltimore spaghetti-twang band Snakes (not to be confused with British-Norwegian ’90s band of the same name), is Slim’s son— and his face, voice and creep-ocalyptic songs prove that the muffler doesn’t fall far from the chassis (or something like that). And you couldn’t ask for a better support act than the Utah County Swillers. In promo materials describing the denizens of the area as “one pill away from sucking on a 12-gauge,” the group would seem to be living examples of the (relative) health benefits of the bottle.

(Brian Staker) The Urban Lounge, 241 S. 500 East, 8 p.m., $12 presale; $15 day of show, 21+, theurbanloungeslc.com

WEDNESDAY 2/28 Dorothy

On “Kiss It”—the lead track on Dorothy’s 2016 debut, Rockisdead—feisty handclaps

Slim Cessna’s Auto Club

and fierce, fuzzy riffage buttress singernamesake Dorothy Martin’s sinewy pipes as she intones, “Mama, she don’t like my walk/ Daddy, he don’t like my talk/ my baby told me listen here/ a woman need a man/ All I gotta say to you is/ kiss it, baby, yeah!” Although the very next song (and one or two more) sounded like a naked attempt at airplay, with that trendy, reverb-heavy, gang-vocalsin-a-tunnel production, it was, for the most part, an impressively raw and ballsy record. The day after I heard Rockisdead, her publicist passed along the link to an advance stream of the Los Angeles band’s upcoming follow-up, 28 Days in the Valley (Roc Nation). From its first nanosecond, “Who Do You Love?” assaults you with a caterwauling wall of psych-fuzz guitar and manically marching drums—over which Martin surprises you with a sublime recreation of Grace Slick in her prime.

What unfolds from there is a badass, cinematic, hip-shaking rock album full of great songs (“Pretty When You’re High,” “On My Knees,” “Philadelphia”) that’s so satisfying that you’d rather drag your tongue along a knife than turn it down—or worse, click pause. It seems odd that there are no support acts listed on this bill, but with an all-killer, no filler album and plenty of good stuff on Rockisdead, all you need is Dorothy. (RH) Metro Music Hall, 615 W. 100 South, 7-11:30 p.m., $17.50-$100, 21+, metromusichall.com

Proudly serving locally produced beers & spirits

75+ BEERS available

ST. PAT’S TICKETS ON SALE NOW! LIVE MUSIC 12PM - 12AM

JOIN US FOR APRÉS SKI FRIDAY & SATURDAY LOCATED AT THE LIVE MUSIC 6PM - 9PM BASE OF THE CANYONS DJ’S 9PM - CLOSE

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FULL DINING MENU BOOK YOUR NEXT BRUNCH PARTY FROM CAFE TRIO PARTY OR EVENT MARCH 11TH 11AM - 3PM AT ELIXIR!

6405 s. 3000 e. Holladay | 801.943.1696 | elixirloungeslc.com

WINE WEDNESDAY & JAZZ NIGHT February 21st Ferrari-Carano Cabernet Sauvignon, Sonoma County February 28th Chateau Boutisse St Emilion 17/glass Music at 7:30.

...

SUNDAY NIGHT Industry night - in the Rabbit Hole basement of Lake Effect

$3 pints $3 whiskeys MONDAYS Blues night

TASTING TUESDAYS Join us for a whiskey tasting with a professional. | 6pm

...

MURPHY AND THE GIANT RED HEADED STEP TWINS KOTTER PROJECT HEATHEN HIGHLANDERS RUSTED REEL VISIT WWW.PIPERDOWNPUB.COM

FOR TICKETS

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1/2 OFF TACOS 11 AM-4 PM DAILY THIS WEEKS LIVE MUSIC FEBRUARY 21 FEBRUARY 22 FEBRUARY 23

FEBRUARY 25 FEBRUARY 26 FEBRUARY 28

| 7:30-10:30 PM | 6-9 PM | 10-1 AM | 6-9 PM | 10-1 AM | 10-1 AM | 6-9 PM | 10-1 AM | 10-1 AM | 10-1 AM | 7:30-10:30 PM | 7:30-10:30 PM

(801) 532-2068 – 155 W 200 S Salt Lake City, UT, 84101 www.lakeeffectslc.com

FEBRUARY 23 FEBRUARY 24

TREVOR GREEN TOM BENNETT

W/ ROOSETER & FORT DEFIANCE

1492 S. STATE · 801.468.1492 PIPERDOWNPUB.COM

FEBRUARY 22, 2018 | 37

FEBRUARY 24

KEVIN FLYNN QUARTET FOR JAZZ NIGHT ERIC ANTHONY DJ CHASEONE2 SCOTT FOSTER MARMALADE CHILL DJ CHASEONE2 (RABBIT HOLE) ERIC ANTHONY SWANTOURAGE DJ MR. RAMIREZ (RABBIT HOLE) DJ DOLPH & CO. (RABBIT HOLE) RICHARD COREY GREEN RIVER BLUES BAND TE AZUL BAND

THIRSTY THURSDAYS $3 pints and $3 whiskeys, $5 gin, $4 vodka, $5 tequila, $4 rum.

FRIDAYS AND SATURDAYS Enjoy craft cocktails and live music.

Get here early as it fills up fast!

| MUSIC | CINEMA | DINING | A&E | NEWS |

WICKED TINKERS

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38 | FEBRUARY 22, 2018

WEDNESDAY 2/28

PETER BESTE

Decibel Magazine Tour: Enslaved, Wolves in the Throne Room, Myrkur, Khemmis

CONCERTS & CLUBS

Decibel started out in 2004 as a small publication out of Philadelphia, but has grown to be one of the most trusted music publications when it comes to “extremely extreme” music—everything heavy, fast and brutal. Their tour, now on its sixth run, skipped SLC last year, but makes up for it with a ferocious 2018 bill headlined by legendary progressive black metal kings Enslaved and Washington state’s black ambient trio Wolves in the Throne Room. All the amps go up to 11 at this show, where you can expect a feeling native to the territory of battle jackets (patch vests) and long-haired brethren. For more than two decades, Enslaved has pumped new life into Norwegian black metal, using progressive riffs and clean vocals. The more atmospheric Wolves in the Throne Room proves ’Merica can be metal AF, too—but with nuance and texture. Support acts include Danish black-metal singer-composer Myrkur (aka Amalie Bruun) and Denver-based doom rockers Khemmis. A favorite within fringe music communities, Decibel tours line up killer bands on one stage, providing a spectrum of musical extremes. (Rachelle Fernandez) The Urban Lounge, 241 S. 500 East, 6 p.m., $25 presale; $28 day of show, 21+, theurbanloungeslc.com

THURSDAY 2/22 LIVE MUSIC

KARAOKE

{THURSDAY & FRIDAYS 9PM}

POOL TOURNAMENTS MONDAYS BY CRISSIE FRIDAYS & SATURDAYS BY RANDY

TEXAS HOLDEM MONDAYS & THURSDAY

FREE FASHION SHOW EVERY WEDNESDAY NOON TILL 2PM

3425 S. State St. Suite D 385.528.2547 open 7 days a week from 11 am to 1 am SATURDAY, FEB. 22

Bronze Nazareth + Ren Thomas w/ D-Strong + Dumb Luck + Ren Thomas + DJ Intimin8 (Metro Music Hall) Buck Battle (Snowbird) Busty & The Bass (Kilby Court) see p. 34 Emma Parks + Curse League + Savage Daughters + Silent Miles (The Underground) Eric Anthony (Lake Effect) Julianne Brough + Bri Ray + Pipes + Mia Grace (Velour) Krewella + TBA (Park City Live) Kris Johnson & U of U Jazz Ensemble (Gallivan Center) Morgan Snow (Hog Wallow) The Motet (The State Room) Paula Cole (Egyptian Theatre) Tom Bennett (The Yes Hell) Latin Thursdays (Liquid Joe’s)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE

DJ Chaseone2 (Lake Effect) DJ Handsome Hands (Bourbon House) Dueling Pianos (Keys on Main) Dueling Pianos (The Spur) Dueling Pianos (Deer Valley) Dueling Pianos feat. Drew & Dave (Tavernacle) Gothic + Darkwave w/ DJ Nina (Area 51) Jazz Joint Thursday w/ Mark Chaney (Garage on Beck)

The New Wave ’80s Night w/ DJ Radar (Area 51) Soundwave Thursdays w/ DJ Shutter (Alleged) Therapy Thursdays feat. G Jones + Eprom + Ana Sia (Sky) Youth Jam Session (Music Garage)

KARAOKE

Areaoke (Area 51) Burly-Oke (Prohibition) Cowboy Karaoke (The Cabin) Karaoke w/ DJ Benji (A Bar Named Sue) Karaoke (Funk ’n’ Dive) Karaoke (Willie’s Lounge) Live Band Karaoke (Club 90)

FRIDAY 2/23 LIVE MUSIC

Alyssa Pyper + Tishmal + Sister Adolescent + New Shack (Velour) Brisk (Downstairs) Chalula (The Bayou) Christian Coleman & The Blue Zen Band (The Barbary Coast) Colt .46 (The Westerner) Crook & The Bluff (Hog Wallow) Donner Pass (The Spur) Earthworm + Swell Merchants (Brewskis) Eric Anthony + Marmalade Chill (Lake Effect) Escher Case + Josh Hoyer & Soul Colossal (Funk ’n’ Dive)

Famous Friends + Pop Warner + Skies Like Rockets + White Collar Caddy (Kilby Court) Flash & Flare + Concise Kilgore + DJ Geronimo (Urban Lounge) Ginger & The Gents + Berlin Breaks + Balls Capone + Veiger (The Royal) Jeff Crosby (Garage on Beck) Joshy Soul & The Cool (Prohibition) Kayzo + 4B + Dubloadz + Gammer + JSTJR (The Complex) Kyle May (Deer Valley) Margo Price + Blank Range (The State Room) see p. 34 Matisyahu + TBA (Park City Live) Ol’ Fashion Depot (The Beehive) Patrol + Griffin (The Loading Dock) Paula Cole (Egyptian Theatre) Riding Gravity + Rev Mayhem + Conspiratorial Nod (The Ice Haüs) Sage Junction (Outlaw Saloon) Scott Klismith (Silver Mine Taproom) Steve Schuffert (Park City Mountain) Tim Daniels Band (The Yes Hell) Tom Bennett + Rooster (Funk ’n’ Dive) Trevor Green (Piper Down Pub) Twista (Liquid Joe’s) Untamed Engine + The Gontiks + Mutant Waste + Rejoin The Team + Totem City + Harbor The Vital (Pat’s BBQ) Whistling Rufus (Sugar House Coffee) The Will Baxter Band (ABG’s)

MONDAYS

TUESDAYS

WEDNESDAYS

9PM

GROOVE TUESDAYS

KARAOKE AT 8PM

CROOK & THE BLUFF BREAKING BINGO

WASATCH POKER TOUR

SUN. & THUR. & 8PM SAT. @ 2PM FRIDAYS

FUNKIN’ FRIDAY

9PM - NO COVER JOHNNYSONSECOND.COM

DJ RUDE BOY WITH BAD BOY BRIAN

165 E 200 S SLC | 801.746.3334

ANNUAL JOHNNY CASH BIRTHDAY BASH!

UNDERGROUND CASH PLAYING ALL OF YOUR MAN IN BLACK FAVORITES CELEBRATE WITH US FRI. FEB. 23 ON STATE & SAT. FEB 24 ON HIGHLAND

AMAZING $8 LUNCH EVERY WEEKDAY! NEW MENU ADDITIONS! SATURDAY & SUNDAY BRUNCH, MIMOSA, AND MARY

HIGHLAND live music

THURSDAY:

Gonzo @ 10:00 FRIDAY:

DJ Sneeky Long @ 9:00

FRI SAT

SATURDAY:

DJ Soul Pause @ 9:00

SUNDAY:

Sleep in! Brunch served ALL DAY!!

Breaking Bingo @ 9:00 Pot $1,650

FOLK HOGAN

HIGH ENERGY FOLK PUNK

UNDERGROUND CASH

JOHNNY CASH BIRTHDAY BASH

MON & THURS

MONDAY: Micro Brew Pint Special Geeks Who Drink Trivia @ 7:00!

KARAOKE

HOME OF THE “SING O’ FIRE” SALT LAKE’S HOTTEST KARAOKE COMPETITION PING PONG TOURNAMENT!!!

WED

TUESDAY:

Karaoke That Doesn’t Suck! @ 9:00 WEDNESDAY:

VJ Birdman @ 10:00 on the Big Screen

THURS

BREAKING BINGO AT THE SUE AT 8PM $900 POT

SUN & THURS

OLD WEST POKER TOURNAMENT STARTS @ 7PM

THE SUES COMBINED HAVE PAID OUT MORE THAN ANY VENUE IN BREAKING BINGO. CLOSE TO 9K!!!!!

32 Exchange Place • 801-322-3200 www.twistslc.com • 11:00am - 1:00am

3928 HIGHLAND DR 801-274-5578

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

AS ALWAYS, NO COVER!

STARTS AT 8:00, CASH PRIZE TO THE WINNER. THE MORE PEOPLE THAT PLAY THE MORE CASH TO BE HAD

FACEBOOK.COM/ABARNAMEDSUE

20 1 7

2013

PMX-2 STEREO AND FRONT SPEAKER KIT FOR SELECT POLARIS® RZR® MODELS. KIT INCLUDES:

2014

SLC 2763 S. STATE: 485-0070

Se Habla Español

• OGDEN 2822 WALL AVE: 621-0086

Se Habla Español

SATURDAY CLOSED SUNDAY

• OREM 1680 N. STATE: 226-6090

Se Habla Español

MODEL CLOSE-OUTS, DISCONTINUED ITEMS AND SOME SPECIALS ARE LIMITED TO STOCK ON HAND AND MAY INCLUDE DEMOS. PRICES GUARANTEED THRU 3/1/18

STARTS @ 7PM

9 60” 4K HD TVS, 2 GIANT HD PROJECTORS, PAC-12 NETWORK, NFL SUNDAY TICKET

8136 SO. STATE ST 801-566-3222

FACEBOOK.COM/ABARNAMEDSUESTATE

EAT AT SUE’S! YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD BAR · FREE GAME ROOM, AS ALWAYS!

OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK

VISIT US AT: ABARNAMEDSUE.NET

11AM-1AM

FACEBOOK.COM/ABARNAMEDSUE

FACEBOOK.COM/ABARNAMEDSUESTATE

FEBRUARY 22, 2018 | 39

W W W. S O U N D WA R E H O U S E .C O M

OLD WEST POKER TOURNAMENT

WED

LABOR SOLD SEPARATELY

USE YOUR TAX REFUND TO UPGRADE YOUR • CAR • TRUCK • BOAT HOURS SIDE BY SIDE 10AM TO 7PM MONDAY–

MON &

HOME OF THE “SING OF FIRE” SALT LAKE’S HOTTEST KARAOKE COMPETITION

| CITY WEEKLY |

99

MAX YOUR TAX

KARAOKE

TUES

699

$

SUN &

NO DRILLING OR CUTTING REQUIRED DIRECT CONNECT WIRING HARNESSES FOR RZR MODELS STEREO KITS BOLT TO FACTORY ATTACHMENT POINTS SYSTEM IS ELEMENT READY TO WITHSTAND HARSH OUTDOOR ENVIRONMENT SPEAKER & SUB ENCLOSURES INTEGRATE WITHOUT LOSING PASSENGER/CARGO SPACE PMX-2: COMPACT DIGITAL MEDIA RECEIVER W/ 2.7” COLOR DISPLAY RFRZ-PMX2DK: INSTALLATION KIT FOR DASH RFRZ-FSE: RZR 6.5” FRONT SPEAKER ENCLOSURE (PAIR) RM1652B: 6.5” SPEAKER BLACK (PAIR) RFRZ-PMXWH1: RZR PMX POWER & SPEAKER HARNESS CONSUMER SAVINGS ON KIT PRICE $79.96 1 YEAR STANDARD WARRANTY

• YAMAHA YXZ • POLARIS RANGER • POLARIS GENERAL • CAN AM MX3

JOHNNY CASH BIRTHDAY BASH

AND THE BLUE ZEN BAND

POLARIS RZR STEREO PACKAGE

KITS ALSO AVAILABLE FOR

FRI UNDERGROUND CASH SAT CHRISTIAN COLEMAN BREAKING BINGO THE SUE AT 8PM WED AT $400 POT

| MUSIC | CINEMA | DINING | A&E | NEWS |

STATE live music

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| CITY WEEKLY |

40 | FEBRUARY 22, 2018

NEW HIMALAYAN PUB FUSION SMALL PLATES MENU

CONCERTS & CLUBS COMPLETE LISTINGS ONLINE AT CITYWEEKLY.NET DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE

LIVE MUSIC WEDNESDAYS WITH LOCAL ARTISTS

KARAOKE THAT DOESN’T SUCK EVERY THURSDAY W/ MIKEY DANGER

DANCE MUSIC ON FRIDAY & SATURDAY

$4 JAMESON $5 SHOT & BEER

CHAKRALOUNGE.NET SUN-THURS 5 PM - 1 AM 364 S STATE ST. SALT LAKE CITY FRI-SAT 3 PM - 1 AM

RANDY'S RECORD SHOP

WINTER $2 VINYL SALE

FRIDAY, FEB 23RD & SATURDAY, FEB 24TH Most LP's valued @ $2 - $7, some $8 - $10 Over 1500 LP's added on both Fri & Sat @ 10:00 AM “UTAH’S LONGEST RUNNING INDIE RECORD STORE” SINCE 1978

Great Vinyl at Bargain $2.00 prices TUE – FRI 11AM TO 7PM • SAT 10AM TO 6PM • CLOSED SUN & MON LIKE US ON OR VISIT WWW.RANDYSRECORDS.COM • 801.532.4413

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO THE BEST CRIMINAL DEFENSE Trial Litigation Criminal Defense

Advocacy Government Relations

CALL FOR A FREE CONSULTATION 801.440.7476 I gregory@ferbrachelaw.com

ferbrachelaw.com

All-Request Gothic + Industrial + EBM + and Dark Wave w/ DJ Courtney (Area 51) All-Request Dance Top 40 w/ DJ Wees (Area 51) Après DJ (The Cabin) DJ Chaseone2 (Lake Effect) DJ Dance Party (Club 90) DJ Juggy (Bourbon House) DJ Sneeky Long (Twist) Dueling Pianos (Keys on Main) Dueling Pianos feat. Troy & Jules (Tavernacle) Funkin’ Friday w/ DJ Rude Boy & Bad Boy Brian (Johnny’s on Second)

KARAOKE

Areaoke (Area 51) Karaoke (Cheers to You SLC) Karaoke (Willie’s Lounge)

SATURDAY 2/24 LIVE MUSIC

Alicia Stockman (Deer Valley) Bonanza Town (The Cabin) Bonepile (Barbary Coast) BroBand (Park City Mountain) Brockhampton (The Depot) Colt .46 (The Westerner) Cornelio Vega y Su Dinastia + Adriel Favela + T3R Elemento (The Complex) Crook & The Bluff (Johnny’s on Second) Dar Williams (Eccles Center Park City) Eric Anthony (Lake Effect) Fort Defiance + Tom Bennett + Rooster (Piper Down Pub) Holy Revolver (Pat’s BBQ) Jake Loggins (Garage on Beck) Korene Greenwood (Harp & Hound) Little Moon + Shayla Smith + Jenn Blosil + Mindy Gledhill (Velour) Lovely Noughts + Green River Blues + Branson Anderson (Kilby Court) Mr. Bill + Shields + Suprtek (Urban Lounge) The Number Ones w/ David Halliday (The Bayou) The Otters + Jay Alm + Stonewall Riot + Vann Moon (Funk ’n’ Dive) Paula Cole (Egyptian Theatre) Phoenix Rising + Folk Hogan (Hog Wallow) Rage Against The Supremes (The Spur) Sage Junction (Outlaw Saloon) Sean Hetrick & The Leftovers (The Ice Haüs) Sounds Like Teen Spirit (Brewskis) Spazmatics (Liquid Joe’s) Starset + Palisades + Grabbitz + Year of The Locust (The Complex) Through ’n’ Through w/ Lucia + Zodiac Killer + In Unison (The Underground)

Triggers & Slips (Canyons Village) Under The Covers + The Hips + Sidewalk Poets (The Royal) The Will Baxter Band (The Yes Hell)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE

Alternative + Top 40 + EDM w/ DJ Twitch (Area 51) Après DJ (The Cabin) Burlesque & The Beats (Prohibition) Dueling Pianos (Keys on Main) Dueling Pianos feat. Troy & Drew (Tavernacle) DJ Dance Party (Club 90) DJ Joel (Twist) DJ Juggy (Bourbon House) DJ Latu (The Green Pig) DJ Mr. Ramirez (Lake Effect) DJ Stario (Downstairs) Gothic + Industrial + 80s w/ DJ Courtney (Area 51) Sky Saturdays feat. Tony Arzadon (Sky)

KARAOKE

Karaoke (Willie’s Lounge) Karaoke w/ B-RAD (Club 90)

SUNDAY 2/25 LIVE MUSIC

Callie & Zac (Deer Valley) Henry Wade Music (Snowbird) The Holdup (O.P. Rockwell) Live Bluegrass (Club 90) Martian Cult + Sulane + Nick Welch (Metro Music Hall) Mat Kearney + Andrew Belle + Filous (The Complex) Morgan Snow (Garage on Beck) Pick Pocket (The Beehive)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE Après DJ (The Cabin) Dueling Pianos (The Spur)

KARAOKE

Karaoke (Tavernacle) Karaoke w/ DJ Benji (A Bar Named Sue) Karaoke Church w/ DJ Ducky (Club Jam)

MONDAY 2/26 LIVE MUSIC

Amanda Johnson (The Spur) Apollon Musagete Quartet (Libby Gardner Concert Hall) Black Violin (Ellen Eccles Theatre) see p. 32 IBTBWYN + Crushed!? + Sariah + Droopy Tights (The Underground) Miguel + SiR + Nonchalant Savant (The Complex) Pearl Charles + Acid Tongue + Los Yayas (Kilby Court)

20M18IF XAT

VA OP REIT20E18S

4760 S 900 E, SLC 801-590-9940 | facebook.com/theroyalslc

www.theroyalslc.com

 Bar | Nightclub | Music | Sports 

CHECK OUT OUR GREAT menu

LIVE Music

KARAOKE & pick-a-prize bingo

wednesday 2/21

thursday, february 22

karaoke @ 9:00 i bingo @ 9:30, 10:30, 11:30 Thursday 2/22 Reggae at the Royal

MUSIC

SHOW $

5

amfs & long islands 1/2 off nachos & Free pool

Live Music

friDAY 2/23

$5 | 7:30PM

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 22ND 8PM - 12AM

tribe of i i-ternal

friday, february 23 VINCENT DRAPER & THE CULLS

WINTER GRAIN

GORDY VETAS

saturday, february 24

DJ LATU Weeknights

The Under covers with special guests

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 24TH 9PM - 1AM

monday

OUR FAMOUS OPEN BLUES JAM WITH WEST TEMPLE TAILDRAGGERS

the hips • sidewalk poets Tuesday 2/27

open mic night

thursday

YOU Never KNow WHO WILL SHOW UP TO PERFORM

KARAOKE W/ DJ BEKSTER 9PM

coming soon

zolopht

Great food

grits green • superbubble $

5.99 lunch special

3/3

BEACHMEN

STARMY

BUY $5 TICKETS NOW AT CITYWEEKLYTIX.COM

CITY WEEKLY’S LOCAL MUSIC ISSUE HITS NEWSSTANDS MARCH 1ST

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american hitmen  Bar | Nightclub | Music | Sports  ALL SHOW TICKETS AVAILABLE AT SMITHSTIX OR AT THE ROYAL

MONDAY - FRIDAY $

12 sunday funday brunch $3 BLOODY MARYS & $3 MIMOSAS FROM 10AM-2PM

31 east 400 SOuth • SLC

801-532-7441 • HOURS: 11AM - 2AM

THEGREENPIGPUB.COM

FEBRUARY 22, 2018 | 41

MARTIAN CULT

mix mob • d frost newborn slaves • skumbudz

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ADULT TRIVIA 7PM

Every sunday

3/2

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BLACKKISS

DJ JARVICIOUS

ginger and the gents with berlin breaks, balls capone • veiger saturday 2/24 Live Music

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42 | FEBRUARY 22, 2018

A BAR NAMED SUE (MIDVALE)

RACHELLE FERNANDEZ

BAR FLY

Slim Cessna’s Auto Club + The Utah County Swillers + George Cessna (Urban Lounge) see p. 36 Turtle Island Quartet (Rose Wagner Theatre)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE

Falling In Reverse + The Devil Wears Prada (The Great Saltair) Black Violin (Kingsbury Hall) see p. 32 Caleb Gray (The Spur) Front Country + Umbrella Brothers (The State Room) Mark Dee (Piper Down Pub) The Nth Power + Joshy Soul & The Cool + Talia Keys (Urban Lounge) Palm + The Spirit of the Beehive + Uvluv (Kilby Court) Twist & Shout A-Go-Go + The Boys Ranch (Prohibition)

KARAOKE

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE

Monday Night Open Jazz Session w/ David Halliday (Gracie’s) Open Blues Jam (The Green Pig) Open Blues Jam hosted by Robby’s Blues Explosion (Hog Wallow Pub) Open Mic (The Cabin)

Karaoke (Poplar Street Pub) Karaoke (Cheers To You) Karaoke Bingo (Tavernacle) Karaoke w/ DJ Benji (A Bar Named Sue)

TUESDAY 2/27

Lifty Lounge w/ DJ Marty Paws (The Cabin) Open Jazz Jam (Bourbon House) Open Mic (The Wall at BYU) Open Mic (The Royal) Open Mic (Velour)

LIVE MUSIC

KARAOKE

A Day Remember + Papa Roach +

Karaoke (Tavernacle) Karaoke (Keys on Main)

Because the body needs fried pickles after leg day at the gym, I head to A Bar Named Sue for what they call Sue Spears. I’m greeted at the door by a giant mug shot of the Man in Black—aka Johnny Cash—the popular bar’s patron saint. It’s quiet tonight.

Behind the bar, shelves of liquor bottles stand watch like sentinels as a team called The Sith Lords pour water into red Solo cups in preparation for the Thursday-night beer pong tournament. Before long, a young John Lennon wannabe strikes up a conversation. It’s leg day for him, too—he rode his Schwinn to the bar. Upon hearing that I’m here to write a Bar Fly column he says, “I’ll give you a kiss if you give this place five stars.” No thanks. I scurry toward the billiards area, where I meet Michael, who says he plans to major in sex therapy. It’s not what you think. “It’s helping people that have sexual identity crises,” he says. “I think that’s how I can most help my community.” He doesn’t try to pick me up, so I’m happy to keep talking to him. Even better, we’re joined by his friend Paul, whose long hair and Decrepit Birth hoodie tell me we’ll have plenty to talk about. He says it’s the free pool and good food that attract him to Sue’s on Thursdays. (Speaking of food: The pickles are 40 Shades of Green, to quote Cash.) It’s actually busier than normal tonight, Paul opines, surveying the room. “Normally it’s super dead.” Sometimes the best nights out are the quietest.

(Rachelle Fernandez) 8136 S. State, Midvale, 801-566-3222, abarnamedsue.net

Karaoke That Doesn’t Suck (Twist) Karaoke w/ DJ Thom (A Bar Named Sue) Karaoke w/ Zim Zam Ent. (Club 90)

WEDNESDAY 2/28 LIVE MUSIC

Alicia Stockman (The Spur) Brisk (Downstairs) The Crossroads Project (Peery’s Egyptian Theatre) Dorothy (Metro Music Hall) see p. 36 Decibel Magazine Tour, feat. Enslaved + Wolves In The Throne Room + Myrkur + Khemmis (Urban Lounge) see p. 40 Michelle Moonshine & Co. (The Yes Hell) MiNX (Sugar Space Arts Warehouse) New Politics + Dreamers + The Wrecks (The Depot) Porches + Girl Ray + Strong Words (Kilby Court) Simply B (Hog Wallow) The Stolen + Patternist + Imalive +

Crooked Feathers (The Loading Dock) Youth Jam Session (Music Garage)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE DJ Wees (Area 51) Dueling Pianos (The Cabin) Dueling Pianos (Keys on Main) Dueling Pianos feat. Dave & JD (Tavernacle) Open Mic (Sugar House Coffee) Open Mic (Velour) Roaring Wednesdays - Swing Dance Lessons (Prohibition) Temple (Gothic and Industrial) w/ DJ Mistress Nancy (Area 51)

KARAOKE

Areaoke w/ KJ Casper (Area 51) Karaoke (The Royal) Karaoke w/ B-RAD (Club 90) Karaoke w/ Krazy Karaoke (Donkey Tails Cantina) Karaoke w/ Spotlight Entertainment (Johnny’s on Second) Superstar Karaoke w/ DJ Ducky (Club Jam)

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BY DAVID LEVINSON WILK

ACROSS

52. Texter’s “That being said ...”

53. In ____ land 55. Redhead on kids’ TV 56. Gray of R&B 57. What Horton heard 58. ____ empty stomach 61. Grp. with defibrillators 62. “Sure thing”

Last week’s answers

No math is involved. The grid has numbers, but nothing has to add up to anything else. Solve the puzzle with reasoning and logic. Solving time is typically 10 to 30 minutes, depending on your skill and experience.

10. Cold one 11. Notes after do 12. Way too uptight 13. Trumpian adjective that applies to this puzzle’s theme 18. “Greetings from ____ Park, N.J.” (Bruce Springsteen’s debut album, 1975) 23. Calif. neighbor 24. “____ Como Va” (1971 hit) 26. Where future mil. leaders are trained 27. Garbage 28. Country with 10 million people living on a third of a Caribbean island 29. Like some goodbyes 30. Sing the praises of 31. “The Thief of Baghdad” director Walsh 32. Not yet posted, on a sked 34. Actress Gretchen 37. Betrayed DOWN 38. Reality TV star Nicole 1. It’s sometimes held at a deli Polizzi, familiarly 2. From square one 41. “So it seems” 3. Tick off 42. Sharks’ and Jets’ org.

4. Little devil 44. Matey’s yes 5. Darn things 45. Gave a lot of bologna, say 6. Accessory popularized by a “Seinfeld” episode 47. ____ room 7. Opening on Broadway 48. Dexterous 8. Kibbutz cash 51. Fair-minded 9. Five-time 1970s Gold Glove winner Cesar

Complete the grid so that each row, column, diagonal and 3x3 square contain all of the numbers 1 to 9.

1. Subject of the 2001 TV movie “61*” 6. Opposite of fem.

10. Hee-haw 14. “Yu-Gi-Oh!” cartoons genre 15. Pine (for) 16. Contact lens care brand 17. Post by someone trying to find an online business review site?

19. Newsweek, e.g., now 20. Put off paying 21. Director Lee 22. ____ E. Coyote 23. Celebrity chef Matsuhisa 25. Grandson of Adam and Eve 27. Where to hang your clothes inside a Mongolian tent?

32. Cross 33. Early riser’s hour 35. Political writer Matt who appears as himself in “House of Cards” 36. A long time 39. “Not ____ shabby!”

40. Sean of “The Lord of the Rings” 43. Was on the wrong side (of) 46. Road that truckers take where they end up TALKING LIKE THIS? 49. “Put ____ on it!”

50. Steel-____ boots 51. Sudden shock 54. Like some tragedies 56. Iconic figure in a Warhol work 59. The 45th state 60. “’Private Benjamin’ was such a boring movie”?

63. It’s always underfoot 64. It may be a stretch 65. “Tengo ____ hambre” (“I’m very hungry,” in Spanish) 66. “____ she blows!”

67. School on the Thames 68. Observe secretly

SUDOKU

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44 | FEBRUARY 22, 2018

CROSSWORD PUZZLE

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY B Y R O B

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Go to realastrology.com for Rob Brezsny’s expanded weekly audio horoscopes and daily text-message horoscopes.

Audio horoscopes also available by phone at 877-873-4888 or 900-950-7700.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): In her novel The Round House, writer Louise Erdrich reminisces about how hard it was, earlier in her life, to yank out the trees whose roots had grown into the foundation of her family’s house. “How funny, strange, that a thing can grow so powerful even when planted in the wrong place,” she says. Then she adds, “ideas, too.” Your first assignment in the coming weeks, my dear Pisces, is to make sure that nothing gets planted in the wrong place. Your second assignment is to focus all your intelligence and love on locating the right places for new seeds to be planted.

you. I believe your own metaphorical code-breaking skills will be acute in the coming weeks. You’ll be able to decrypt messages that have different meanings from what they appear to mean.

You won’t get fooled by deception and misdirection. This knack will enable you to home in on the elusive truths that are circulating—thus saving you from unnecessary and irrelevant turmoil.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Paleontologist Jack Horner says that developmental biologists are halfway toward being able to create a chickenosaurus—a creature that is genetically a blend of a chicken and a dinosaur.

This project is conceivable because there’s an evolutionary link between the ancient reptile and the modern bird. Now is a favorable time for you to contemplate metaphorically similar juxtapositions and combinations, Capricorn. For the foreseeable future, you’ll have extra skill and savvy in the art of amalgamation.

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AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): “Be stubborn about your goals but flexible about your methods.” That’s the message I saw on a woman’s t-shirt today. It’s the best possible advice for you to hear right now. To further LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): During World War II, British code-breakers regularly intercept- drive home the point, I’ll add a quote from productivity consuled and deciphered top-secret radio messages that high-ranking tant David Allen: “Patience is the calm acceptance that things German soldiers sent to each other. Historians have concluded can happen in a different order than the one you have in mind.” that these heroes shortened the war by at least two years. I Are you willing to be loyal and true to your high standards, bring this to your attention, Leo, in the hope that it will inspire Aquarius, even as you improvise to uphold and fulfill them?

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CANCER (June 21-July 22): “There is no such thing as a failed experiment,” said inventor Buckminster Fuller, “only experiments with unexpected outcomes.” That’s an excellent guideline for you to keep in mind during the coming weeks. You’re entering a phase of your astrological cycle when questions are more important than answers, when explorations are more essential than discoveries, and when curiosity is more useful than knowledge. There will be minimal value in formulating a definitive concept of success and then trying to achieve it. You will have more fun and you will learn more by continually redefining success as you wander and ramble.

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VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): In April 1972, three American astronauts climbed into a spacecraft and took a trip to the moon and back. On the second day of the 11-day jaunt, pilot Ken Mattingly removed and misplaced his wedding ring. In the zero-gravity conditions, it drifted off and disappeared somewhere in the cabin. Nine days later, on ARIES (March 21-April 19): When you’re playing poker, a wild card refers to a card that can the way home, Mattingly and Charlie Duke did a space walk. be used as any card the cardholder wants it to be. If the two of When they opened the hatch and slipped outside, they found the hearts is deemed wild before the game begins, it can be used as wedding ring floating in the blackness of space. Duke was able an ace of diamonds, jack of clubs, queen of spades or anything to grab it and bring it in. I suspect that in the coming weeks, you else. That’s always a good thing! In the game of life, a wild card will recover a lost or missing item in an equally unlikely location, is the arrival of an unforeseen element that affects the flow of Virgo. Or perhaps your retrieval will be of a more metaphorical events unpredictably. It might derail your plans or alter them in kind: a dream, a friendship, an opportunity. ways that are at first inconvenient but ultimately beneficial. It might even cause them to succeed in an even more interesting LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): fashion than you imagined they could. I bring this up, Aries, According to British philosopher Alain de Botton, “Maturity because I suspect that you’ll be in the Wild Card Season during begins with the capacity to sense and, in good time and without the next four weeks. Any and all of the above definitions might defensiveness, admit to our own craziness.” He says that our humble willingness to be embarrassed by our confusion and apply. Be alert for unusual luck. mistakes and doubts is key to understanding ourselves. I believe these meditations will be especially useful for you in the coming TAURUS (April 20-May 20): If you gorge on 10 pounds of chocolate in the next 24 hours, you weeks, Libra. They could lead you to learn and make use of will get sick. Please don’t do that. Limit your intake to no more robust new secrets of self-mastery. than a pound. Follow a similar policy with any other pleasurable activity. Feel emboldened to surpass your normal dosage, yes, SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): but avoid ridiculous overindulgence. Now is one of the rare times During the next four weeks, there are three activities I suspect you when visionary artist William Blake’s maxim is applicable: “The should indulge in at an elevated rate: laughter, dancing and sex. road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom.” So is his corollary, The astrological omens suggest that these pursuits will bring you “You never know what is enough until you know what is more even more health benefits than usual. They will not only give your than enough.” But keep in mind that Blake didn’t say, “The road body, mind and soul the precise exercise they need most; they will of foolish, reckless exorbitance leads to the palace of wisdom.” also make you smarter and kinder and wilder. Fortunately, the astrological omens also suggest that laughter, dancing and sex will be even more easily available to you than they normally are.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Have you ever had a rousing insight about an action that would improve your life, but then you failed to summon the willpower SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): to actually take that action? Have you resolved to embark on The little voices in your head might have laryngitis, but they’re some new behavior that would be good for you, but then found still spouting their cracked advice. Here’s another curiosity: You yourself unable to carry it out? Most of us have experienced are extra attuned to the feelings and thoughts of other people. these frustrations. The ancient Greeks had a word for it: akra- I’m tempted to speculate that you’re at least temporarily telesia. I bring it up, Gemini, because I suspect you might be less pathic. There’s a third factor contributing to the riot in your susceptible to akrasia in the next four weeks than you have ever head: People you were close to earlier in your life are showing up been. I bet you will consistently have the courage and command to kibitz you in your nightly dreams. In response, I bid you to bark to actually follow through on what your intuition tells you is in “Enough!” at all these meddlers. You have astrological permission to tell them to pipe down so you can hear yourself think. your best interests.

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46 | FEBRUARY 22, 2018

SUMMONS BY PUBLICATION IN THE SALT LAKE CITY DEPT. OF THE THIRD JUDICIAL DISTRICT COURT, SALT LAKE COUNTY, STATE OF UTAH. CASE NO. 179915026, JUDGE PAUL B PARKER. CASCADE COLLECTIONS LLC, PLAINTIFF V. AKASHA BACON, DEFENDANT. THE STATE OF UTAH TO AKASHA BACON: You are summoned and required to answer the complaint that is on file with the court. Within 21 days after the last date of publication of this summons, you must file your written answer with the clerk of the court at the following address: 450 S State St., Salt Lake City, UT 84111, and you must mail or deliver a copy to plaintiff ’s attorney Chad C. Rasmussen at 2230 N University Pkwy., Ste. 7E, Provo, UT 84604.

If you fail to do so, judgment by default will be taken against you for the relief demanded in the complaint. This lawsuit is an attempt to collect a debt of $10,966.34. /s/ Chad C. Rasmussen

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SUMMONS BY PUBLICATION IN THE SALT LAKE CITY DEPT. OF THE THIRD JUDICIAL DISTRICT COURT, SALT LAKE COUNTY, STATE OF UTAH. CASE NO. 189900970, JUDGE ANDREW H STONE. CASCADE COLLECTIONS LLC, PLAINTIFF V. MIGUEL JIMENEZ, DEFENDANT. THE STATE OF UTAH TO MIGUEL JIMENEZ: You are summoned and required to answer the complaint that is on file with the court. Within 21 days after the last date of publication of this summons, you must file your written answer with the clerk of the court at the following address: 450 S State St., Salt Lake City, UT 84111, and you must mail or deliver a copy to plaintiff ’s attorney Chad C. Rasmussen at 2230 N University Pkwy., Ste. 7E, Provo, UT 84604.

If you fail to do so, judgment by default will be taken against you for the relief demanded in the complaint. This lawsuit is an attempt to collect a debt of $7,284.99. /s/ Chad C. Rasmussen

SUMMONS BY PUBLICATION IN THE SALT LAKE CITY DEPT. OF THE THIRD JUDICIAL DISTRICT COURT, SALT LAKE COUNTY, STATE OF UTAH. CASE NO. 189901421, JUDGE ROYAL I HANSEN. CASCADE COLLECTIONS LLC, PLAINTIFF V. GARY GONZALES, DEFENDANT. THE STATE OF UTAH TO GARY GONZALES: You are summoned and required to answer the complaint that is on file with the court.

Within 21 days after the last date of publication of this summons, you must file your written answer with the clerk of the court at the following address: 450 S State St., Salt Lake City, UT 84111, and you must mail or deliver a copy to plaintiff ’s attorney Chad C. Rasmussen at 2230 N University Pkwy., Ste. 7E, Provo, UT 84604. If you fail to do so, judgment by default will be taken against you for the relief demanded in the complaint. This lawsuit is an attempt to collect a debt of $3,009.59. /s/ Chad C. Rasmussen

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SUMMONS BY PUBLICATION IN THE SALT LAKE CITY DEPT. OF THE THIRD JUDICIAL DISTRICT COURT, SALT LAKE COUNTY, STATE OF UTAH. CASE NO. 179915029, JUDGE ROYAL I HANSEN. CASCADE COLLECTIONS LLC, PLAINTIFF V. JARVIS NEZ, DEFENDANT. THE STATE OF UTAH TO JARVIS NEZ: You are summoned and required to answer the complaint that is on file with the court. Within 21 days after the last date of publication of this summons, you must file your written answer with the clerk of the court at the following address: 450 S State St., Salt Lake City, UT 84111, and you must mail or deliver a copy to plaintiff ’s attorney Chad C. Rasmussen at 2230 N University Pkwy., Ste. 7E, Provo, UT 84604. If you fail to do so, judgment by default will be taken against you for the relief demanded in the complaint. This lawsuit is an attempt to collect a debt of $10,153.15. /s/ Chad C. Rasmussen

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SUMMONS BY PUBLICATION IN THE SALT LAKE CITY DEPT. OF THE THIRD JUDICIAL DISTRICT COURT, SALT LAKE COUNTY, STATE OF UTAH. CASE NO. 189901220, JUDGE KENT HOLMBERG. CASCADE COLLECTIONS LLC, PLAINTIFF V. MICHAEL BYINGTON AND TANYA MARSH, DEFENDANTS. THE STATE OF UTAH TO MICHAEL BYINGTON: You are summoned and required to answer the complaint that is on file with the court. Within 21 days after the last date of publication of this summons, you must file your written answer with the clerk of the court at the following address: 450 S State St., Salt Lake City, UT 84111, and you must mail or deliver a copy to plaintiff ’s attorney Chad C. Rasmussen at 2230 N University Pkwy., Ste. 7E, Provo, UT 84604. If you fail to do so, judgment by default will be taken against you for the relief demanded in the complaint. This lawsuit is an attempt to collect a debt of $9,791.94. /s/ Chad C. Rasmussen

URBAN L I V I N

G

WITH BABS DELAY Broker, Urban Utah Homes & Estates, urbanutah.com Trustee, Utah Transit Authority

Bumble Bees

If you venture downtown this spring, you might see folks in yellow shirts walking in pairs, like two purposeful bumblebees sans the black stripes. The shirts have a logo and the words “Ask Me!” These are your new Downtown Ambassadors, paid for by the Downtown Alliance, Salt Lake City and Visit Salt Lake. Years ago, members of the Chamber of Commerce would go out monthly in white coats, welcome people to town and invite them to meetings. These guys were not paid, whereas the new ambassadors are getting a wage. This program is a little different.

According to the Downtown Alliance website, these ambassadors have three goals: 1. Answer questions from visitors and find out where they are from; 2. Be vigilant in busier parts of downtown; 3.

“Act as the eyes and ears for the homeless population,” and inform them about how to take advantage of local services.

Mind you, they’re not cops, but in a way are acting like cops. They’ll watch out for crime and particularly watch the homeless in specific locations downtown.

They don’t have guns or tasers, just phones to call 911 or service providers.

The need for extra sets of eyeballs on the street is due mostly to a cry from local businesses finding that the Salt Lake City police are too damned busy busting drug dealers around the shelter and aren’t available to roust panhandlers from in front of Temple Square or City Creek 20 times a day. These yellow ambassadors will interface with the homeless and panhandlers and get to know them. They won’t be afraid to sit down next to them and talk about why they are there, and offer them services to hopefully get them help.

The program is based on a similar one that the Chicago Loop Alliance created for its downtown area. They contracted with private entity Streetsplus to walk their downtown areas and get cozy with the people who work, visit and live there.

Streetplus has been working in New York City for more than 25 years, too, and provides cleaning, safety and hospitality services to 60 downtown areas around the United States. By this summer, you might see up to a dozen Streetplus pairs in the core blocks of downtown, around our convention center and tourist sites. They get rave reviews for their work, so let’s give them a chance in our capital city for a year and measure the results. n

Content is prepared expressly for Community and is not endorsed by City Weekly staff.

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BY T HE EDITO R S AT A ND RE WS M cMEEL

News That Sounds Like a Joke Staff at an internet cafe in Jiaxing, Zhejiang Province, China, had to call paramedics on Jan. 28 when a gamer lost all feeling in his lower limbs after playing the same game for more than 20 hours straight.

Newsweek reported that the unnamed man didn’t realize he had become paralyzed until he tried to use the restroom and couldn’t move his legs. As he was being carried out on a stretcher, he was heard begging his friends to finish the game for him.

Crime Report When the city gets to be too much for Jo and Lonnie Harrison of Houston, they escape to their pre-fab vacation cabin, nestled on a 10-acre plot in Madisonville, Texas. Having last visited the property in November, Lonnie set out on Feb. 2 to check on it. But when he arrived, he told KTRK-TV, “I didn’t see the house. All I saw were blocks and pipes sticking out. The whole house gone.” Sgt. Larry Shiver of the Madison County Sheriff’s Department later said, “I’ve never had a house reported stolen in my career yet.” (Update: The house was found a few days later, having been repossessed from the previous owner.)

Wrong Place, Wrong Time A parking lot in Augusta, Ga., became the scene of a nightmare for an unsuspecting motorcyclist and his 1982 Honda bike on Jan. 31. On his way to exchange some shirts at Target in the Augusta Exchange shopping center, Don Merritt told WJBF-TV, “I was going to go around the back to avoid the speed bumps,” but when he did, he and his bike fell into a sinkhole. Firefighters were called to rescue Merritt, who suffered a skull fracture and a loose tooth as a result of the 15-foot fall. The bike was totaled.

“It’s not good customer relations,” Merritt said about the sinkhole. The center property manager reportedly is fixing the hole.

n Aaron Meininger, 29, of Hernando Beach, Fla., was arrested on Feb. 2 after Hernando County deputies caught him stealing items from the Demarco Family Funeral Home in Spring Hill.

When officers arrived, Meininger was carrying a tub of formaldehyde out of the building. They also found makeup, nail polish, electric clippers, soap and other items used in funeral preparation in Meininger’s car. Curiously, the Tampa Bay Times reported, Meininger told deputies that he was “bored” and “messed up” and didn’t even know what kind of business he was burgling. He said he probably would have just thrown the stolen items away.

Smooth Reactions Sonny Donnie Smith, 38, of Clackamas, Ore., was feeling snubbed in September 2016 when both his father and his brother were invited to a family wedding, but Sonny wasn’t. As a perfectly reasonable revenge, Sonny made anonymous phone calls to McCarran International Airport in Las Vegas and the Midland International Air and Space Port in Midland, Texas, claiming that his father and brother were terrorists and would be traveling through the airports. An FBI investigation revealed no terrorist threats, and after interviewing the father and brother, they were both released. On Feb. 1, Sonny Smith pleaded guilty to making the calls, according to The Oregonian, and will be sentenced on May 10.

WEIRD

Inexplicable Somebody in Muskegon, Mich., didn’t want the Philadelphia Eagles to win Super Bowl LII. Immediately following the Eagles’ victory over the New England Patriots on Feb. 4, Subaru of Muskegon ran an ad on local NBC affiliate WOOD-TV that featured 30 seconds of silence and a written message: “Congratulations Patriots!” WOOD-TV reported via Twitter that the business had submitted only one version of the ad and had specified that it run regardless of the game’s outcome.

The Entrepreneurial Spirit Houston Realtor Nicole Lopez is sporting a new nickname these days: The Taco Lady. Since late 2017, Lopez has incorporated a novel incentive for buyers of homes she’s listed: $250 in free tacos with the purchase of a home. “Let’s be honest, everyone in Texas loves tacos,” Lopez told KHOU-TV. “And so, it’s really been this ‘taco the town,’” she laughed. Lopez cited as proof of her success a $170,000 home that’s under contract “and they are super excited for their taco party at the end of this month.”

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Redneck Chronicles Cheryl Merrill, 60, of Ponte Vedra Beach, Fla., was arguing with her boyfriend of five years about who would win Super Bowl LII on Feb. 4 and became so enraged shortly after kickoff that she picked up a wooden shelf and threw it at him. St. Johns County sheriff’s deputies were called and found Merrill “extremely intoxicated,” according to reporting by WJAX-TV. Merrill was charged with aggravated battery and taken to the St. Johns County Jail. Her boyfriend was unable to sign an affidavit because of the hand injury he sustained in the assault.

False Alarm A Scottish farmer called Police Scotland after spotting what he believed to be a tiger in his cow shed near Peterhead in Aberdeenshire on Feb. 3. An armed response team scrambled to the farm and within 45 minutes, established that the fierce big cat was in fact a large cuddly toy. “Any call reporting a potential danger to the public has to be taken seriously,” Peterhead Inspector George Cordiner told Metro News. “Until you know exactly what you are dealing with, every option has to be considered.”

Awesome!

Undoubtedly, many records will be set during the 2018 Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang, South Korea. But before the events even began, one Winter Games record was in the books: Organizers distributed 110,000 condoms to the 2,925 athletes—about 37 condoms per competitor. “We hope to aid the athletes visiting from various countries to complete their events successfully and safely,” said a spokesperson for Convenience, the South Korea condom manufacturer that supplied most of the prophylactics. The Korea Biomedical Review reported on Feb. 1 that finely conditioned athletes have been notoriously “sexually unrestrained” before, during and after Olympics contests. Free condom distribution began in 1988 when 8,500 were handed out during the Seoul Olympics.

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n Prason Sukkorn, owner of Coffee on the Day in Chonburi, Thailand, had his marketing idea laid bare after he posted “obscene materials” online—photos and videos of model/barista Arisa Suwannawong, 22, wearing nothing but an apron while drawing shots and serving customers. Suwannawong, who goes by the nickname “Jaenae with the big boobs,” glances down at her breasts in the video while gushing, “The coffee is so good, they use plenty of milk.” Police commander Thanachai Usakit from the Sattahip district station told Metro News that Sukkorn “didn’t realize it would break the law, because the model in the photos wasn’t fully naked.” Nevertheless, the owner faces three

BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH!

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Precocious When a Texas stripper arrived at her 11:30 a.m. gig on Feb. 1, she smelled a rat: Her destination turned out to be Noel Grisham Middle School in Round Rock, Texas. Rather than going inside, the performer called the school and reported a prank. Jenny LaCoste-Caputo, a district spokesperson, told the Austin American-Statesman the student jokester had used his cellphone to order the stripper and paid for it with his parents’ credit card. He is now facing disciplinary action.

to five years in jail or a fine of 100,000 Thai baht, or about $3,200.

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Karma Takes Wing A Canada goose got its final revenge on Feb. 1 when, after being shot out of the sky by a hunter in Easton, Maryland, it struck Robert Meilhammer, 51, of Crapo, Maryland, seriously injuring the waterfowler. NPR reported that Meilhammer was hunting with a group when one of the large geese flying overhead was killed and fell about 90 feet, landing on Meilhammer’s head and knocking him out. It also dislodged two of Meilhammer’s teeth. Adult Canada geese weigh about 12 to 14 pounds and can have a wingspan of 6 feet. At press time, Meilhammer was in stable condition after being airlifted to a hospital.

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