CITY WEEKLY AUGUST 19, 2021

SALT LAKE

C I T Y W E E K LY. N E T

A U G U S T 1 9, 2 0 2 1 — V O L . 3 8

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CITY WEEKLY

by John Rasmuson

Flat characters, flattening the curve and falling flat on their faces

CONTENTS COVER STORY

FLAT LIFE Flat characters, flattening the curve and falling flat on their faces

By John Rasmuson

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Cover design by Derek Carlisle

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PRIVATE EYE A&E DINE MUSIC CINEMA COMMUNITY

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OPINION

Check out weekly columns Smart Bomb and Taking a Gander at cityweekly.net facebook.com/slcweekly

DINE

Go to cityweekly.net for local restaurants serving you.

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STAY INFORMED! Want to know the latest on coronavirus? Get off Facebook and check out these three online resources: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention: cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov World Health Organization: who.int/emergencies/diseases/novel-coronavirus-2019 State of Utah Coronavirus Updates: coronavirus.utah.gov

STAFF Publisher PETE SALTAS Associate Publisher MICHAEL SALTAS Executive Editor JOHN SALTAS News Editor BENJAMIN WOOD Arts & Entertainment Editor SCOTT RENSHAW Contributing Editor JERRE WROBLE Music Editor ERIN MOORE Listings Desk KARA RHODES

Editorial Contributors KATHARINE BIELE ROB BREZSNY JOHN RASMUSON MIKE RIEDEL ALEX SPRINGER Production Art Director DEREK CARLISLE Graphic Artists SOFIA CIFUENTES, CHELSEA NEIDER Circulation Manager ERIC GRANATO

Associate Business Manager PAULA SALTAS Technical Director BRYAN MANNOS Developer BRYAN BALE Sales Executives: KELLY BOYCE DOUG KRUITHOF KATHY MUELLER Display Advertising 801-716-1777 National Advertising VMG Advertising | 888-278-9866

Salt Lake City Weekly is published every Thursday by Copperfield Publishing Inc. We are an independent publication dedicated to alternative news and news sources, that also serves as a comprehensive entertainment guide. 15,000 copies of Salt Lake City Weekly are available free of charge at more than 1,800 locations along the Wasatch Front. Limit one copy per reader. Additional copies of the paper can be purchased for $1 (Best of Utah and other special issues, $5) payable to Salt Lake City Weekly in advance. No person, without expressed permission of Copperfield Publishing Inc., may take more than one copy of any Salt Lake City Weekly issue. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in whole or part by any means, including electronic retrieval systems, without the written permission of the publisher. Third-class postage paid at Midvale, UT. Delivery might take up to one full week. All rights reserved.

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SOAP BOX “Rhymes With Socks” Aug. 12 Private Eye

I haven’t seen City Weekly since I went into lockdown in March 2020, so when I saw one today and read Private Eye, I can say my faith in humor as a cure is now intact— especially with John Saltas references to Mike Lee and Chris Stewart, as they are buffoons with incredible staying power.

But this is Utah! I can relate to last name jokes, which I have heard a trillion times.

So, keep doing your delightful humor and keep us somewhat sane.

NANCY W. PHIBBS

Murray

“10 Good Excuses Not to Get Vaccinated” Aug. 12 Smart Bomb

The one positive thing about this pandemic is that there will be a few less selfish and

ignorant people around. If only we could keep them away from everyone else until they get what’s coming to them.

PHILLIP WITTKE

Via Facebook Given that the prophet has ardently urged Latter-day Saints to get vaccinated, maybe those who don’t get their shots should have their recommends rescinded.

WILLIAM HAMPTON Via Facebook

Compassion Needed

“Extravagant inhumanity” or “tractors, trucks and cops.”

Those are the only ways to describe the abatement or sweep program that the city’s “management team” constantly uses to literally eliminate the presence of homeless encampments in and around

@SLCWEEKLY Salt Lake City.

In recent weeks, during days of record breaking heat, the “team” was in motion day after day. It’s a government form of bullying homeless folks, who are trying to survive in tents or makeshift shelters and avoiding the housing facilities full of fights, drugs and constant stealing.

This humanitarian crisis is happening now, and even a short-term fix is mandatory. At the same time, common sense, interaction, caring and compassion don’t require tractors and dump trucks—or cops that state “this is not police work” when displacing human beings.

Word from the homeless czars and politicians? So far, nothing. From Cox’s committee (army)? … nothing.

Ad hoc groups like Nomad Alliance and numerous individuals doing everything they can with multiple tiers of humane support supply drives and spend actual

@CITYWEEKLY

@SLCWEEKLY

time within the homeless communities.

Long term, there is hope, like the current proposed 45-acre subdivision on the west side of the city—much like the successful Community First! Village in Austin, Texas, directly positively affecting the lives of homeless folks since 2004.

In concert with Salt Lake City developing the special 400-unit complex is The Other Side Academy, a nonprofit and amazingly successful local organization.

In the meantime, human beings need help, support and compassion. Not tractors.

ROBIN PENDERGAST

Salt Lake City Care to sound off on a feature in our pages or about a local concern? Write to comments@cityweekly.net or post your thoughts on our social media. We want to hear from you!

THE BOX

What do you think is the greatest invention of all time?

John Saltas

Toss up: Either the railroad track shitter (Kennecott track gangs know this) or the hen house egg sorter.

Kathy Mueller

Air conditioning.

Ben Wood.

The bicycle. Add all the bells, whistles and (electric!) motors you want, but the fundamentals haven’t changed in 200 years and the Earth would be in better shape if more people rode them.

Scott Renshaw

The whole loaf of bread, because whoever did the slicing part was just standing on the shoulders of giants.

Eric Mauerman Indoor plumbing.

Jim Milligan

Fermentation for pleasure

Annie Quan

Eyeglasses. Did people just walk around blind?

Katharine Biele

I think I’m supposed to say the wheel, but I think with climate change, we shouldn’t be wheeling anywhere. Does New Orleans recycle?

Kelly Boyce

Plumbing. Allows us to make more land liveable and prevents us from living in our own waste.

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THIS WEEK'S WINNER For the record, who do you think is President of the United States?

VIRGIL GLASS

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Each author of a published question will get a $25 prize from City Weekly.

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Hey, sane Utahns! Here's your chance to ask Burgess Owens anything you'd like. He doesn't know Utah and doesn't speak to Utahns, but we can try.

?

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ASK BURGESS

SEND YOUR ‘ASK BURGESS’ QUESTIONS TO JOHN@CITYWEEKLY.NET

PRIVATE EY

Don’t Draft Mike Lee T

he Bingham Canyon of my youth was a rough and bawdy town. I grew up around lots of tough old miners and tough old drunks. To boot, a good portion of them were men. I shouldn’t tease with the notion that some in our town were drunk women; that’s just an old myth that men and women in mining camps of yore spent the better part of every day in the local saloon. But sure as my knitting needle also functions as a deadly weapon, the women of Bingham Canyon were indeed tough.

They were tough teachers and coaches.

They were tough cooks. They were tough bank tellers. They were tough small business operators. They were tough mothers and grandmothers. During World War II, they were also tough miners, pressed into service when the ranks depleted the canyon of so many young men who marched to war against the dual threats of imperialism and fascism. In any real community, there are no questions asked if Gender A or Gender B is more qualified or capable to perform any given task.

A bare exception to that might be if car-

rying a great deal of weight is the measure of one’s capabilities. I don’t think so. When I worked in the mine, there were men who you could blow over with a feather. But that didn’t stop them. They simply made an extra trip or helped someone else on a task, and it was no big deal. I worked with people so strong you were just astonished at what they heaved and ho’ed. I worked with others who were weak but still part of the “gang” and just as valuable, especially as they were often the smarter ones. As a result, I’m usually quick to assess if someone is capable of beating the crap out of me before any battle begins, or if they’ve figured out a way to topple a guy like me before I realize I’ve been toppled.

I think I know a tough guy when I see one. Thus, I don’t see a tough guy in our entire collage of Utah senators and members of the House of Representatives. Not Burgess Owens—despite his NFL cred, he’s a cheap suit today. Not Chris Stewart— despite his 14 years in the U.S. Air Force, where, it seems, he mostly learned to take orders. Mitt, Curtis, that new guy up north?

Nope. Nor especially, Mike Lee. He’s a guy I’d never trust with any kind of trouble.

He’s as likely to stab you as your opponent.

He’s the guy who gets other guys hurt. He’s also the guy who doesn’t mind guys kicking his ass. But women? Lee’s the guy who says he supports women but is actually afraid of

B Y J O H N S A LTA S @johnsaltas

them.

Lee recently opposed drafting women, fearfully telling the Deseret News they “shouldn’t be forced to fight” and somehow conflating that all draftees move to the front lines of conflict. I know too many guys who were drafted and sent to Vietnam who never sniffed a battle zone to know that’s a canard. Lee fears women have disadvantages “that result in excessive fatigue and unforced injuries.” But women are not diminishing our armed forces—they’ve strengthened our military. As it always is with Lee, though, he brings his rationale home with a plea to his core values—saving his ass.

He said: “As the father of a teenage daughter, as a husband and as a Christian, I’m going to say this as politely as possible, ‘This is completely unacceptable.’” What’s being a Christian got to do with serving one’s country? Currently 16% of our enlisted military are women, comprised of all religions and creeds. Women are capable at all levels. They are mothers, sisters and daughters—cadets, officers and foot soldiers—who are willing to do more for our country in just two years than servile men like Lee ever will.

It’s Lee who can’t do it. And won’t. Stand down, Mike. CW Send comments to john@cityweekly.net.

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HITS&MISSES

BY KATHARINE BIELE @kathybiele

MISS: Fossil Fuel Addiction

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Utah should be ashamed—and proud.

Which is it when we talk about energy consumption in this time of global climate crisis? Yes, it’s time to be terrified.

A U.N. climate report made it perfectly clear that the world is, well, screwed, if we don’t do something big now. The likelihood of that in Utah is iffy. A couple of startling facts: More than 70% of Utah’s electricity comes from coal, but Utah is also one of the largest producers of solar energy in the nation. U.S. Rep. Chris Stewart thought he saw a political opportunity to “get Biden” when he posted about the president’s request that OPEC increase oil production, while simultaneously calling for the U.S. to cut back on usage. But while you may not like oil and all the fossil fuels, you have to keep things going for a while. Even Forbes notes that the U.S. can’t do it alone. Let’s face it, it’s not easy for addicts to get clean. But Solar Nation says Utah could add incentives to its renewable portfolio standard and speed the switch as coal continues to decline in the state. This existential change requires political will, without which, fossil fuels become Utah’s Afghanistan.

MISS: Mask Facts vs. Fanatics

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TV news needs to stop playing up the crazies. For example, FOX 13 News—pretty cute that you start with the one-third of parents who don’t want masks, and then show a screaming mother talking about child abuse. This might be good video, but it certainly isn’t good journalism.

ABC4 wasn’t much better with the recent headline “The Case Against Masks.” It’s less a “case” and more of a visceral reaction. But it’s the kind of public hysteria that caves politicians who die on the sword of free-will ideology. They— and you—know that these are not normal times, that the virus is spreading through and to children, and that you should have a duty to protect your community in times of crisis. TV news is just that—TV. And it must be good for ratings to watch histrionics trump science.

HIT: Whale of an Art Fight

Well, this has been fun—or has it? The now-infamous 9th & 9th roundabout has been the center of an almost magical controversy that has seen pop-up artwork come and go in the night. It’s all about plans to install a 23-foot-tall whale with a revolving mural in the roundabout’s center island, which has become a kind of nomad camp for a tribe of gnomes— mostly cardboard or papier mache cutouts. People have decapitated gnomes, reconstructed them, replaced them with a white, then a blacked-out Mother Mary statue, and generally peppered the island with signs for and against the whale.

Building Salt Lake recounted the tale and the bitterness of at least one artist whose design was chosen and then discarded. One member of the Arts Design Board thinks the neighborhood should just “grow up a bit.” As ABC4 whimsically said, “some residents are simply ‘bewhaledered’ and think this idea blows.”

Even with the whale, the roundabout art will no doubt evolve and revolve.

CITIZEN REV LT IN A WEEK, YOU CAN CHANGE THE WORLD

Equal Rights Rally

Does it seem hopeless to you? It wasn’t that long ago that the Utah Senate approved an unamended version of the Equal Rights Amendment. But that was in 1972, and numerous attempts since then have failed, with the Legislature officially voting it down in 1975. So why bother to keep trying? “Utah was a hot spot in the early fight for women’s equal rights, so why are we one of the last holdouts for ratification of the Equal Rights Amendment?” asks the Utah Equal Rights Coalition. Good question. Come to the coalition’s Women’s Equality Day event to hear local musicians and speakers including former Utah Supreme Court Justice Christine Durham, state Sen. Kathleen Riebe, D-Cottonwood Heights, and Carol Lynn Pearson—who championed the ER A in the 1970s. It will never be too late for equal rights, but in the meantime, you might consider electing more women to the Legislature. After the Equal Rights for Utah Rally, march to Memory Grove for an evening vigil. Utah Capitol steps, 350 N. State, Thursday, Aug. 26, 5:30 p.m., free. https://bit.ly/3xEA X9m

Take Action For Indigenous People

There’s so much we don’t understand about Indigenous nations—and particularly their customs and history. And with the false fear of Critical Race Theory spreading wide, your children may never really understand the complex origins of this country. This event, geared toward beginners, asks, “Have you ever heard a land acknowledgment statement and thought, ‘What’s next?’ Are you looking for ways to take meaningful action to support Indigenous people and nations?” The discussion will examine three case studies: Indigenous land return, voluntary land taxes and participation at Nativeled protest movements. Join the Native Governance Center for Beyond Land Acknowledgment, showing why it’s important to move beyond acknowledgment of tribal lands and toward meaningful action. Virtual, Wednesday, Aug. 25, 11 a.m., free. https://bit.ly/3AD9HdB

Mental Health Summit

It’s been a tough couple of years, what with politics and pandemics, but there is hope, and there is help. Knowing how to access mental-health resources has never been more important. “Connecting a person with the right resources can literally be life-changing and even lifesaving.

Intermountain’s annual Mental Health Services Awareness Night is designed to connect people with resources,” say organizers of this year’s Mental Health Services Awareness Summit. The summit will be offered both online and in-person at Utah Valley University in Lehi, with speakers including Christena Huntsman Durham, Dr. Mark H. Rapaport and Dr. G. Sheldon Martin. There will be educational classes and booths. Virtual or Utah Valley University, Clark Building, 800 W. University Parkway, Orem, Thursday, Aug. 19, 3-8:30 p.m., free. https://bit.ly/3jEGhos

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Complete listings online at cityweekly.net

NETFLIX

ENTERTAINMENT PICKS, AUGUST 12-18, 2021

Marc Maron @ Wiseguys Marc Maron’s entertainment career has spanned five decades, and it’s understandable if your touchstones aren’t necessarily from his career as a stand-up comedian. His podcast WTF with Marc Maron, launched in 2009, became a trend-setter for its format of looselimbed conversations with high-profile figures from the worlds of comedy, movies, music and politics. And while his acting résumé may not be extensive, he’s still likely to be familiar from supporting roles in movies like Joker, and his part on the Netflix comedy series GLOW. Still, it was stand-up that started it all for Maron back in the late 1980s as a contemporary of folks like Sam Kinison—and while Maron has been proudly sober for more than 20 years, he hasn’t lost his fiery edge. That

attitude was certainly on display in his 2020 Netflix special End Times Fun, which concluded with a gleefully sacrilegious scenario involving the end of the world, Jesus and Mike Pence. He also proved depressingly prophetic in a recordedpre-pandemic bit taking a swipe at anti-vaxxers: “The jury’s out on vaccines? Really? How many polio people do you know? Got a lot of people in iron lungs in your family? How’s that kid of yours with mumps, you fucking moron?”

Marc Maron comes to town for five shows at Wiseguys Gateway (194 S. 400 West), Aug. 19 (7 p.m.), Aug. 20 (7 p.m. & 9:30 p.m.) and Aug 21 (7 p.m. & 9:30 p.m.), and proof of vaccination status or recent (48 hour) negative COVID test will be required for all attendees.

Tickets are $35; visit wiseguyscomedy.com for tickets and other event information. (Scott Renshaw)

TDK

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ESSENTIALS

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Davey Fest It’s been more than eight years since local artist David Ross Fetzer—actor, writer, musician, filmmaker and beloved friend and family member—tied tragically just past his 30th birthday.

His life, however, continues to touch the local arts community through the work of the David Ross Fetzer Foundation for Emerging Artists, which provides grants for filmmakers. This week offers yet another chance to see the fruits of that charitable endeavor.

Davey Fest provides a three-day showcase for works created in part thanks to support from the “Davey Foundation,” as well as curated short films from around the country and around the world. This year’s programming encompasses 28 short films, including festival favorites like the Spike Lee-produced

Cherish, and Molly Gillis’s Plaisir, about a lonely American on a French farm commune. Local artists on the bill include Willow Skye-Biggs (April in Her Mind), Andrew Beck (the music video for local band The Mellons’ “So Much to Say”) and Ali Akbari (The Second Closet).

The program take place in four venues with four different blocs of films: Thursday, Aug. 19, 9:30 p.m. at SLC Eatery (1017 Main St.); Friday, Aug. 20, 7:30 p.m. at Metro Music Hall (615 W. 100 South); Saturday, Aug. 21, 4:30 p.m. at Brewvies Cinema Pub (677 S. 200 West); and Saturday, Aug. 21, 10 p.m. at Fisher Beer (320 W. 800 South). Tickets are available at $10 for individual screening blocs or $25 for a full festival pass; masks will be required at indoor venues. Visit daveyfilm.org for tickets and additional information about the foundation’s work. (SR)

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Complete listings online at cityweekly.net

CITY WEEKLY

ENTERTAINMENT PICKS, AUGUST 12-18, 2021

City Weekly Utah Beer Festival For a very long time, the idea of putting “Utah” and “beer” together in a sentence seemed like an oxymoron ranking right up there with “jumbo shrimp” and “military intelligence.” This notoriously full-of-teetotalers state couldn’t possibly be a locus for the brewing arts, right?

But local beer-making history actually traces back to the 1800s, a legacy that was taken up in the 1980s by trend-setters like Park City’s Schirf Brewing (now Wasatch) and Squatters and continues with a growing community of brewpubs from one end of Utah to the other.

The City Weekly Utah Beer Festival exists to celebrate those artisans and many others from throughout the country and even around the world—and if it happens also

to be a party where visitors can sample a wide variety of their creations, so much the better.

The 2021 incarnation of the festival moves to The Gateway (400 W. 200 South), allowing for an open-air venue that will also be welcoming to those not yet of drinking age, should they care to enjoy the atmosphere and the live music. Those who do want to sample the beers and hard ciders will need to purchase a passport, which will be converted into punches for individual samples, of various sizes and costs depending on the selection.

Visit utahbeerfestival.com to check out the various single-day, full-festival or VIP options.

Your can also buy tickets in person at the City Weekly offices (175 W. 200 South #100) to skip the online service fee. You can buy passports at the gate, but online purchases are discounted, so make your plans early. (SR)

90&9 PRODUCTIONS

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ESSENTIALS

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90&9: Fighter On the website for their nonprofit organization 90&9, Nik and Darla Day describe its goal as its goal to “promote healthy living through media and the performing arts … [and] help youth see the beauties of life and have an increased desire to thrive and help others.”

Those themes are at the center of the multimedia presentation Fighter, which finds spectacle in the inspirational notion of lifting yourself up through the process of lifting others up.

Salt Lake City’s own Nik Day—a successful local songwriter of Christian-themed work—provided the original music for this production, which incorporates spoken word, dance, aerial arts and circus acrobatics. The premise revolves around a phoenix (Makayla Finlison) who becomes overwhelmed

by the inner darkness of her own doubts and fears, and falls to ashes on the earth. But instead of immediately being reborn as a phoenix, she begins to experience life among high-school age humans—representing types like the Cheerleader, the Football Captain, and the Valedictorian—all of whom face their own struggles that are hidden from others who assume they have it all. It’s only through providing support and guidance to these adolescents that the phoenix is able to shake off her own ashes and return to the sky (in a dazzling airborne dance with aerial silks).

Fighter runs Aug. 19-21 at the Capitol Theatre (50 W. 200 South), 7 p.m. nightly, plus a 2 p.m. matinee on Aug. 21. Tickets are $25-$35; visit saltlakecountyarts.org to purchase tickets and for up-to-the-moment information on health and safety guidelines. (SR)

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Big Shiny Robot and the Multiverse of Madness!

The current “alternate timeline” trend of comic-book television and movies comes from a long tradition.

BY BRYAN YOUNG comments@cityweekly.net @swankmotron

T

here are scientific hypotheses in the real world of theoretical physics that posit an infinite number of universes parallel to ours. Each one would vary in different ways from ours. If I were to make a decision to turn left, there would be a parallel in which I turned right, and so on.

It’s a notion that has captured the imagination of science-fiction writers for decades. The original Star Trek series gave us the evil parallel universe, initially made famous by evil Spock with a van Dyke. The modern iterations of Doctor Who trapped Rose Tyler in an alternate dimension where she had never been born.

In comic books, however, the tradition is even more dense. The DC comic book universe brought us a being called the Monitor, watching over the entirety of the DC multiverse. There was even an Anti-Monitor to watch over the anti-matter universe.

big SHINY ROBOT

From the very earliest iterations of DC Comics, the Justice League and the Justice Society have occupied separate universes; their iterations of Superman and Green Lantern were drastically different in age and demeanor. One of DC’s landmark events in the 1980s was the Crisis on Infinite Earths, which shattered and combined the DC multiverse. This became a tradition for them, and now there’s a “crisis” every few years to clean up the varying parallel dimensions in that continuity. They even did an on-screen adaptation of this recently in their CW television offerings.

The universe that might have the most multiverses, however, would be those from Marvel. The standard comic-book universe we know is designated as the 616 universe.

The Marvel Zombie universe sees a version of the 616 universe ravaged with superhero zombies. There’s the Ultimate universe, where the Miles Morales iteration of Spider-Man comes from. Indeed, the entire movie dedicated to Miles, Into the SpiderVerse, explores what happens when different iterations of Spider-Man from different parallel universes get together to kick ass and take names.

It’s no wonder, then, that the Marvel Cinematic Universe—another parallel universe running alongside the other continuities—is delving into the multiverse as well.

DISNEY+

A&E

Our first glimpse came in Avengers: Endgame, where Captain America gets to live a quiet, separate life on a different timeline.

That idea is carried forward in Loki, the recent Disney+ show that brought Tom Hiddleston’s iteration of Thor’s brother back from the dead and onto television. After stealing the cosmic cube in Avengers: Endgame, he’s picked up by the Time Variance Authority, an agency responsible for keeping the timeline running along one single path in the Marvel cinematic universe.

With the Marvel Cinematic Universe pushing almost 30 films and several television shows now, is it a cheat to be able to bring characters back to life this way? Is it wise to potentially confuse audiences that can barely keep track of one cinematic universe, let alone dozens of parallel ones?

Marvel is betting on it being more wise than foolish. The next Spider-Man movie has taken a page from the multiverse book and cast villains from previous iterations of the franchise to appear for the first time opposite Tom Holland’s version of the character. And the next film starring Doctor Strange is actually called Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness. It seems like a lot to keep track of now, but the storytelling potential is huge—and Marvel, which has guessed right so far in building their big, movie spanning stories, is putting all

Variant versions of the title character muddy the multiverse in Loki

their money on the unified theory of the comic-book multiverse.

Loki, Spider-Man, and Doctor Strange are just the beginning of the time-traveling, universe-hopping escapades we can expect, especially since it introduced the time-hopping villain Kang the Conquerer in Loki’s first-season finale. He’s a Fantastic Four villain, and the Fantastic Four themselves have been hinted at as part of the culmination of Marvel’s “Phase Four.” As the first family of comic books, the Fantastic Four are no strangers to exploring the unknown and crossing from one parallel dimension to another, using real science as a backdrop.

Since it’s so common in the landscape of comic book storytelling, I doubt anyone will have a problem following it, and it will create all kinds of fun opportunities in storytelling. Playing in the multiverse is the wave of the future. Even DC is getting in on it again for their upcoming Flash movie; rumors abound that the scarlet speedster’s upcoming film will even bring Michael Keaton back as Batman.

And if this trend brings us back the Batman, then how can we possibly argue with that? CW

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by John Rasmuson

Flat characters, flattening the curve and falling flat on their faces “When I use a word … it means just what I choose it to mean— neither more nor less.”

—Humpty Dumpty, Alice in Wonderland

I

n Alice in Wonderland and other literature, “flat” denotes a character who is less than three-dimensional.

He laughs or cries, but never both. The flat villain is merely villainous. She doesn’t have a Facebook page, practice Tai Chi or listen to yacht rock on Pandora. She is a stereotypical character whose purpose it is to keep the gears of the plot turning with her villainy.

A “round” character, on the other hand, has enough human complexity to make readers laugh and cry.

In skiing, flat light creates problems on overcast days.

Without the sun’s contrasting light, sitzmarks, depressions and moguls become invisible hazards on a slope that looks like a negative of an overexposed photograph.

In topography, a flatland is an undifferentiated, horizontal landscape whose sightlines reach the horizon. Of the prairie flatland, Spanish explorer Francisco Vazquez de Coronado wrote: “The country is so level that men became lost when they went off half a league.” Fortunately, Utah’s Bonneville Salt Flats are framed by distant moun-

tains, reference points on the way home.

In politics, the words of Utah Sen. Mike Lee often fall embarrassingly flat. Lee’s response to climate change? “Get married and have some kids.” Utah representatives Chris Stewart and Burgess Owens are Fox News talking heads who can be counted on to make pronouncements that are flat nonsense.

In music, a flat is a half tone lower than the correct pitch.

A sharp is the opposite, a half-tone higher. Both are represented by the black keys on a piano. There, in black and white, resides a cryptogram: You can B flat but not B sharp.

In taxation, Utah is one of 10 states with a flat tax on income. Everybody pays 4.95% no matter how much they earn in a year. The state also collects excise tax on various commodities. These so-called sin taxes are flat, perunit assessments: $1.70 for a pack of Marlboros; $2.40 for a bottle of Barton Vodka, the favorite of Utah sinners. Medical cannabis may not be taxed in the traditional sense, but lawmakers made sure to get their taste by attaching a flat per-transaction charge of $3 at dispensaries.

What quality of flatness do these few “flats” share? What connects a flat of petunias, a glass of flat beer, a case of flat feet, a flattened building, the flat vowel in “cat”? The answer is elusive.

That “flat” is a homonym doesn’t make it any easier.

Like “set,” which has more than 400 different definitions, flat has many meanings. It is also a shape-shifter. Flat can be a noun, verb, adjective or adverb. Some forms have circulated in the English language for centuries. The adjective, meaning prostrate, predates Coronado and the conquistadors.

However, none of flat’s various forms light up a sentence like “lickspittle” does in a pairing with “Mike Pence.” Flatness does appeal to runners, cyclists, surveyors and some manufacturers. Moving the needle on the popularity meter are flat stomachs, GI-style flat-top haircuts and leather ballet flats. A corseted Elizabethan bosom is not popular, witness the number of women paying for breast augmentation.

But wait! There’s more. City Weekly is flat proud to offer these few random observations of how “flat” figures in the wonderland that is Utah:

Flatten the curve

Who can forget last year’s impassioned pleas by New York’s now-former Gov. Andrew Cuomo and Dr. Anthony Fauci?

Save the hospitals by avoiding spikes of coronavirus infections. (Utah Gov. Gary Herbert’s hand-wringing appeals were flat forgettable.)

While Trump fiddled, New York City burned with infection. Doctors and nurses died. Refrigerator trucks became makeshift morgues. In the face of Trump’s dissembling, public health officials resorted to graphs and numbers.

The Salt Lake Tribune put Andy Larsen, a self-described “coronavirus stats guy,” on the COVID-19 beat. His column ran on Page 1, deconstructing human suffering by the numbers.

A year later, with more than 612,000 Americans killed

by COVID-19, numbers and percentages have lost their immediacy. Larsen has been moved to the inside pages.

There, his column keeps company with the thoughts and

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AUGUST 19, 2021 | 17

PETE SALTAS

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Believers in a flat earth still abound

Delicious flatness: Settebello pizza

Aebleskiver, Danish pancake balls, defy flatness

Bike tires flat? The noxious weed puncturevine is often to blame

prayers routinely accorded to victims of mass shootings. The public has chronic COVID-19 fatigue. People are tired of the mask and the isolation. Many want bread and circuses.

They recoil at the prospect of signs on entries—“No shirt, No shoes, No mask, No service.”

Newscasters often read COVID-19 statistics from a PowerPoint display. They evoke the military briefers in Vietnam who reported enemy body count in daily press conferences known derisively as the “Five O’Clock Follies.” The body count metric proved to be specious. Countless Vietnamese soldiers were killed, but the U.S. lost the war.

Just like that misbegotten war, the pandemic is too complex and too politicized to be reduced to numbers. As new, more virulent variants spread and hospital ICUs overflow once again, only two data points are telling: The percentage of newly hospitalized COVID-19 patients who are unvaccinated, and the number of vaccinated patients dying from a break-through infection.

The World Is Flat

In Coronado’s time, a hand-drawn map of a flat Earth depicted vast areas of uncharted terra incognita and the annotation, “Here be dragons.” It has been a long time since Pythagoras posited the world was not flat, but a surprising number of Americans are skeptical. The so-called Flat-Earthers and their QAnon brethren probably have supporters living in Utah County who keep a loaded AR-15 under the bed just in case a dragon runs amok.

Flat-Earthers who bought a ticket to hear Thomas Friedman boost his bestselling book, The World Is Flat, at Abravanel Hall a few years ago must have been disappointed. Friedman’s book title is figurative, not literal. “Flat world” is a metaphor for globalized commerce. Technology has levelled the playing field for the work that makes Silicon Slopes in Utah possible and call centers in India profitable. The flattened world makes an inland port potentially lucrative. It also makes Biden’s $100 billion broadband internet initiative essential to rural Utah.

Flat as a Pancake

Friedman’s world of commerce may be as flat as a worn-out simile, but not all pancakes are created equal. At least one variety is round, not flat. Aebleskiver, a Danish staple, is the size of a lacrosse ball.

Only one restaurant in Utah makes the “fluffy Danish pancake ball,” says Dalena Kelley, the owner of Ruca’s restaurant in Garden City. Ruca’s makes almost 1,000 aebleskiver pancakes a day using a recipe passed down from Kelley’s Danish grandmother.

Traditional, flat pancakes have their own fan base. Penny Ann’s Café’s “light and airy, heavenly, cream cheese hotcakes” are touted as the best in Utah. A café with an East Coast diner personality, Penny Ann’s has been selling plate-size stacks of pancakes to happy customers since 2011.

But they could be happier. When it comes to happiness, the Danes rank No. 2 on the list of the happiest countries in the world. The United States trails at No. 18. The rankings don’t vary much from year to year. Are the Danes’ smiles the result of Scandinavian democratic socialism? Or aebleskiver pancakes for dinner?

Flatbread

Carb junkies are easy to please. They will eat almost anything so long as they are not caught flat-footed without bread. When hosting carboholics for dinner, delight them with a garlic bread appetizer, followed by two vegetable sides—cornbread and zucchini bread—and bread pudding for dessert.

To complement the corn and zucchini, flatbread pizza is a perfect choice. Of all the flatbreads on the market—naan, pita, tortilla, injera—only one’s lineage includes events in 17th-century Italy and the status of an official UNESCO art form.

Salt Lake City is blessed with two authentic Neapolitan flatbread pizza restaurants: Settebello Pizzeria Napolitana and Flatbread Neapolitan Pizzeria. Both are certified by the Associazione Verace Pizza Napoletana in Italy; both practice the Neapolitan pizzamaking art registered on UNESCO’s cultural heritage list; and both serve up a toothsome “pizza for the senses with the flavor of well-baked bread” (and a flatbed load of carbs).

Flat Tires

The end of summer brings goat-head season to the Jordan River Parkway Trail. Every cyclist who rides along the 45-mile parkway has a goat-head story. Most involve repeated stops to replace deflated tubes or a long walk pushing a bike with two flat tires.

The goat head, a thumbtack-like burr, is the seed of the Puncturevine, a Class 3 noxious weed in Utah like thistle and tamarisk. It is exquisitely evolved to spike pneumatic tires.

Each flat, ground-hugging plant casts scores of goat head-shaped burrs, and in an encounter with a bunch of them, a bike tire can deflate in 10 seconds flat. The onset of autumn brings five goat-head casualties a day on average to the Guthrie Bicycle Co. Ending the goat head scourge is a challenge the Jordan River Commission has taken on imaginatively. An eradication campaign, now in its third summer, pays a bounty of $2 a pound for uprooted Puncturevines, says program manager Moriah Jackson Ivory.

Flat-screen TV

To set an example, Jimmy Carter had solar panels installed on the roof of the White House.

So did Barack Obama. Donald Trump had a 60-inch, flat-screen TV installed in the presidential dining room so he could watch his own antics on screen. He is not the only one to get another TV set. One-third of American households own four or more flat-screen TVs. Some are mounted on the ceiling; some are placed so dogs can watch. (For a pittance, a

A flat roof future: podium-style architechture

The world, according to flat-screens

Plat of Zion

Sprague Library reopened recently. It had been closed in order to restore its interior after a rain-swollen Parleys Creek flooded the building in 2017. The restoration leaves a clean, well-lighted space redolent of books and fresh paint. It is a retreat from the hurly-burly

The latest trend in China is tang ping. It translates as “lying flat.” To the emerging counterculture movement among China’s millennials, lying flat means “to forgo marriage, not have children, stay unemployed and eschew such material wants as a house and a car,” according to The New York Times. It seems familiar, doesn’t it? Think of such engaging slackers as Jeffrey “The Dude” Lebowski. Or Timothy Leary’s 1966 rallying call: “Turn on, tune in, drop out!”

But before dropping out of this admittedly whimsical romp, consider the lexical ground we have covered: from pandemic to pancakes to politicians—all without so much as a nod to Flat Stanley, a favorite book of fourth- and fifth-graders for decades.

You have read 77 “flats” to this point with three more to go. Now, consider this concluding fact: As the Chinese were getting used to lying flat, Donald Trump was flat lying most of the time. The Washington Post documented more than 30,000 Trump falsehoods in four years. It is an astounding number, almost as astonishing as the number of Republicans willing to carry the ex-president’s toxic water.

Pray for the day when Trumpism has fallen as flat on its face as Humpty Dumpty, and all the king’s horses and all the king’s men can’t put it back together again. CW

AUGUST 19, 2021 | 19

Flat Roof

Lying Flat

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At the conclusion of a handcart-reenactment season in Alcova, Wyoming, hundreds of young Mormons have had their testimonies bolstered by dragging a handcart over rough terrain. Some of them struggle up the steep rise of Rocky Ridge where Mormon immigrants foundered in the snow in 1856. Others wade the Sweetwater River where in high water, pioneer wagons crossed like flat-bottom boats. The youthful re-enactors return home with a respect for the concepts of slope and summit.

Measured by a protractor, “flat” is defined as a half-circle angle—180 degrees less than a circular 360 degrees—a straight angle, in other words, capable of centering the bubble on a carpenter’s spirit level. Flat is unequivocal. It brooks no angularities, curves or hills like white elephants. It can, however, generate a shimmering mirage. A tabletop mesa may or may not be flat, but a soccer pitch is as flat as the job-approval rating of Utah’s freelancing attorney general, Sean Reyes.

Utah’s capital city sprawls across a horizontal plane, flanked by mountains, overlaid with a street grid that Joseph Smith, founder of the Latter-day Saints religion, called the Plat of Zion. Anchoring the grid is the Salt Lake Meridian which extends on a north-south axis from Temple Square. The city’s wide streets are fairly flat and smooth, but as every cyclist will attest, too many are butt-bruising bumpy.

The Bonneville Speedway is optimally flat and smooth. The iconic raceway northeast of Wendover put Utah on the map in the early 1900s. Cars were setting land speed records there years before the red-rock Mighty Five became national monuments, decades before a skier braved the slopes in the Cottonwood canyons. While Speed Week at the Bonneville Speedway no longer draws the crowd it once did, not a few betrothed couples race to the salt flats when a reflective veneer of water and a mellow cast of light converge for an enviable wedding photo.

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Geometry of Flat

outside its doors in the heart of Sugar House.

There are some obvious changes—a relocated staircase, for instance—but the exterior is largely unchanged since 1935 when the American Library Association named Sprague the Most Beautiful Branch Library in America. Its best feature is the slate-clad, gable roof.

Soon to be 100 years old, the roofing slates are a tweedy mix of earth tones—blue-gray, tan and mauve. The combination makes for one of the most attractive buildings in the city.

Sprague’s Tudor-inspired gables are a stark contrast to the flat-roofed apartment buildings that have sprung up nearby. The visual effect is jarring. Would that it were a rare sight in Salt Lake City, but it is not. The city suffers from a building boom of boxy, low-rise apartment buildings with roofs like mortarboards. They have all the charm of a government office building.

The unattractive buildings are known as “podiums” because of their unvarying design: concrete at the base; no more than five, stud-frame floors above. The best to be said of them is they are fast and cheap to build in a city with a looming housing shortage. A surfeit of podium buildings is already in place along the Trax lines, but many more are planned.

The urban aesthetic has been permanently changed by them as if blandness were a virtue.

Fifty years from now, Utahns will be asking why we allowed the city’s streets to be lined with squat, cookie-cutter buildings. And why we allowed a featureless design to be the defining feature of the cityscape. No voice of protest will be raised when the aging podiums are targeted by redevelopers’ bulldozers.

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stay-at-home pet can binge-watch DOGTV, “a trusted source of scientifically developed content for dogs.”)

Television is “a weapon of mass distraction,” observed the late TV writer Larry Gelbart.

It may distract lonely dogs, but a television set has been the ruin of many a good bar. It used to be that the best watering holes fostered conversation in dark, quiet interiors. No more! Come the violet hour at the end of the workday—“a time of hush and wonder,” wrote Bernard DeVoto, one of Utah’s premier writers—the glare and blare of flat-screen TVs carpet-bomb the room. Conversation goes MIA. So do “hush” and “wonder.”

Tang ping, or “lying flat”

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AT A GLANCE

PATIO NOW

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hile I was checking out Red Maple a few weeks ago, I couldn’t help but notice that the block of 4700 South just off of 3200 West was hiding a pocket of amazing Asian restaurants—once you wade through a vast number of credit unions, that is. In addition to Red Maple, you’ll find another location of the Vietnamese favorite Oh Mai—one of my Utah hallof-famers—along with Yummy’s Korean BBQ (2946 W. 4700 South, 801-769-6614, yummysutah.com), the proverbial new kid on the block. This Yummy’s is the second iteration of a popular Korean barbecue joint in Orem (360 S. State Street), and there are plans for locations in St. George and Eagle Mountain, as well.

Based on my visit to the recently-opened West Valley location, it’s a slight change of pace from the original—but there’s nothing wrong with a bit of diversity. Where the first location offers a more traditional Korean barbecue experience, where diners can cook up their desired meats on a tableside grill, this cozy spot offers more of a fast-casual experience. The menu includes single- and double-protein dishes served with fluffy white rice and macaroni salad, along with some appetizers and

As Big As Ya Head!

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Add Yummy’s Korean BBQ to the list of local Korean powerhouses.

er chicken katsu ($12), but if you’re after an all-out assault of garlicky flavor, the fried chicken will happily oblige.

The bulgogi ended up being a good foil to the fried chicken, as its flavors are a bit more restrained. The thin strips of marinated beef are blessedly tender, and the sauteed veggies impart a bit of freshness to the plate. I have no complaints with the bulgogi, but it’s definitely a supporting player to some of Yummy’s more aggressive dishes.

During my visit, I also noticed the recent addition of a menu item known as the Korean Corn Dog ($4-$4.50). Despite ordering a good amount of food already, the siren song of a reinterpreted corn dog is one I simply cannot resist. The Korean Corn Dog can be stuffed with a traditional hot dog, some melty cheese or half and half. The fluffy, pancake-like exterior is coated with panko breadcrumbs and fried to crispy perfection before getting dusted with sugar and drizzled with ketchup. Essentially, this is what you get when you mix a doughnut with a corn dog—and I say that with the highest levels of praise. It’s not going to be everyone’s thing—cowards—but this is a snack that will forever be on my radar.

The Korean restaurant scene along the Wasatch Front is slowly evolving into a local culinary powerhouse. We’ve already got a stellar pedigree of Korean restaurants, and I think it’s a safe bet to add Yummy’s to the ever-growing list of reliably tasty Korean options. It is the only place I know of where you can get the Korean Corn Dog, however—so those other Korean joints better start watching their backs. CW

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Of Corn Dogs and Kimchi

soft drinks. I’m pretty sure this building was once a Training Table, so the interior dining area is a bit on the tiny side—all the more excuse to take advantage of the drive-thru window.

Any fan of Korean cuisine will recognize staples like bulgogi ($14), kalbi ($18) and kimchi ($3), all of which can be mixed and matched to create the combo meal that best defines you as a person. I went for the BBQ Mix Plate ($19), which comes with any two proteins on the menu. If you’re absolutely starving, you can go for the BBQ 3 Meat Mix Plate ($21), which adds one more protein of your choice to the party. It’s a tough decision to choose among such great options, but I ended up going with the Korean fried garlic chicken and the beef bulgogi; it sounded like a well-rounded trip into the Yummy’s experience.

When my plate arrived, I couldn’t help but notice how similar this presentation was to the ubiquitous Hawaiian barbecue joints that are opening all over the place— you can even get a Spam musubi ($2.75) chaser for your meal. The macaroni salad is a tad more garlicky than the variety served up by most Hawaiian places—not a bad thing at all—and the heaping portions of grilled and/or fried meats will certainly appeal to fans of places like Mo Bettah’s.

I dug into the fried chicken first. Korean fried chicken is typically marked by an absurd level of crispiness, coupled with a generous slathering of a signature sweet, savory or spicy sauce, which is exactly what you get here. In this case, it’s Yummy’s signature garlic sauce, which makes excellent use of its titular ingredient. This is a garlic flavor that you feel in your bones, but it’s also balanced enough to let the flavor of the expertly fried chicken come through. The chicken skin has crisped into a delightfully crunchy texture, and the chicken itself has remained tender and juicy throughout the process. I can see others going for the mild-

Burgers

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onTAP

A list of what local craft breweries and cider houses have on tap this week

2 Row Brewing 6856 S. 300 West, Midvale 2RowBrewing.com On Tap: Feelin’ Hazy

Moab Brewing 686 S. Main, Moab TheMoabBrewery.com On Tap: Bougie Johnny’s Rose

Silver Reef 4391 S. Enterprise Drive, St. George StGeorgeBev.com

Bewilder Brewing 445 S. 400 West, SLC BewilderBrewing.com On Tap: Unholy Matrimony Nitro Porter

Mountain West Cider 425 N. 400 West, SLC MountainWestCider.com On Tap: Dreamsicle Hard Cider

Squatters 147 W. Broadway, SLC Squatters.com

Bohemian Brewery 94 E. Fort Union Blvd, Midvale BohemianBrewery.com Bonneville Brewery 1641 N. Main, Tooele BonnevilleBrewery.com On Tap: Peaches and Cream Ale Desert Edge Brewery 273 Trolley Square, SLC DesertEdgeBrewery.com On Tap: Fresh Brewed UPA Epic Brewing Co. 825 S. State, SLC EpicBrewing.com On Tap: Lemon Bomb Sour IPA

Ogden River Brewing 358 Park Blvd, Ogden OgdenRiverBrewing.com On Tap: Injector Hazy IPA Policy Kings Brewery 223 N. 100 West, Cedar City PolicyKingsBrewery.com Proper Brewing 857 S. Main, SLC ProperBrewingCo.com On Tap: Whispers of the Primordial Seai Red Rock Brewing Multiple Locations RedRockBrewing.com On Tap: Baked Pastry Stout

Fisher Brewing Co. 320 W. 800 South, SLC FisherBeer.com On Tap: Red Ale

RoHa Brewing Project 30 Kensington Ave, SLC RoHaBrewing.com On Tap: Gemini Seltzer: White Grapefruit

Grid City Beer Works 333 W. 2100 South, SLC GridCityBeerWorks.com On Tap: Extra Pale Ale

Roosters Brewing Multiple Locations RoostersBrewingCo.com On Tap: Cosmic Autumn Rebellion

Hopkins Brewing Co. 1048 E. 2100 South, SLC HopkinsBrewingCompany.com On Tap: Beehive Brown

SaltFire Brewing 2199 S. West Temple, South Salt Lake SaltFireBrewing.com On Tap: Punk as Fuck 3x IPA

Hoppers Grill and Brewing 890 E. Fort Union Blvd, Midvale HoppersBrewPub.com Kiitos Brewing 608 W. 700 South, SLC KiitosBrewing.com Level Crossing Brewing Co. 2496 S. West Temple, South Salt Lake LevelCrossingBrewing.com On Tap: Kolsch

Salt Flats Brewing 2020 Industrial Circle, SLC SaltFlatsBeer.com On Tap: Baja Mexicana Ale Shades Brewing 154 W. Utopia Ave, South Salt Lake ShadesBrewing.beer On Tap: Peach Habanero Slushie

Strap Tank Brewery Multiple Locations StrapTankBrewery.com Springville On Tap: PB Rider, Peanut Butter Stout Lehi On Tap: 2-Stroke, Vanilla Mocha Porter TF Brewing 936 S. 300 West, SLC TFBrewing.com On Tap: Barrel-Aged Grisette Talisman Brewing Co. 1258 Gibson Ave, Ogden TalismanBrewingCo.com On Tap: Spindrift Hazy IPA Toasted Barrel Brewery 412 W. 600 North, SLC ToastedBarrelBrewery.com Uinta Brewing 1722 S. Fremont Drive, SLC UintaBrewing.com On Tap: Was Angeles Craft Beer UTOG 2331 Grant Ave, Ogden UTOGBrewing.com On Tap: BEER! - American Ale Vernal Brewing 55 S. 500 East, Vernal VernalBrewing.com Wasatch 2110 S. Highland Drive, SLC WasatchBeers.com Zion Brewery 95 Zion Park Blvd, Springdale ZionBrewery.com Zolupez 205 W. 29th Street #2, Ogden Zolupez.com

All Juiced Up

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MIKE RIEDEL

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AUGUST 19, 2021 | 25

pic - Feel The Beat Of The Tangerine: There’s a personal story associated with this beer. Some 20+ years ago, when my daughter was a kiddo, we were driving in the car and she was singing along to ABBA’s “Dancing Queen.” Not having a complete understanding of the lyrics in the chorus, she sang from the top of her lungs, “feel the beat of the tangerine” instead of “tambourine.” You can imagine how much that made us laugh, hence that story gets rehashed every time that song comes on.

Fast-forward 20 plus years and (full disclosure) my kid now works at Epic Brewing, her mom pitched the name for their next IPA, and ... now you all know.

An unfiltered, moderately golden body is topped by a puffy, creamy thick white cap ascending up past a finger. Epic doesn’t skimp on the hops, so it is pretty astounding to me how strong the tangerines come across in this one. Freshly zested citrus leads off the aroma, with a backing cast of slight tropical fruits, oranges, ruby red grapefruit juice, herbal dankness, floral and passion fruit hops.

The citrus really just dominates this brew. Tangerines obviously come to mind, but more generalized blasts of oranges, grapefruits, clementine and general pithy bitterness arrive in waves on the taste buds. Notes of mango, passionfruit, dank herbals, floral, earthy and juicy hops fall well beyond the citrus barrage. An everso-slight hint of base malts and sweetness emerges, but the 7.0 ABV pretty much requires this small dose. Fluffy and creamy,

perhaps even a bit chewy mouthfeel. The body itself is of medium thickness, and the carbonation leans towards the high side.

Sharp citrus peel bitterness flows well, with the tangerine aftertaste lingering.

Overall: I suppose it’s no surprise from Epic, but this one is beyond bold with a delivery of citrus flavor profile that everyone is going for now. It’ss a great change of pace from Epic.

Roosters/Uinta - Jetway Juicy: This collaboration brew celebrates the opening of Roosters’ fourth pub in the Salt Lake International Airport. It pours a small finger of white head into a bulbous glass; the body looks like a dark orange to amber, so not the typical “juicy” look. The nose is somewhat juicier, loaded with grapefruit and some mango, while dank, piney hops linger underneath the fruit. A small amount of creamy wheat is present as well. It does a pretty nice job of staying balanced between traditional hop aromas and fruit.

The flavor is good, but doesn’t quite have that fruit punch I’m looking for. While the hops are there, they don’t help make up for the lack of juiciness. As for actual flavors, mostly those dank piney hops come through. Grapefruit is a secondary flavor, and mango is semi- present. I’m glad the hearty hop notes are the ones that are shining, yet it is still missing something. It’s definitely not a sweet New England style, which again, is good—a very nice American pale ale. The drinkability is very high; it’s a perfect pale ale beer, very tasty and inoffensive.

Overall: It’s a tasty brew that hits home with the wrong flavors—and by wrong, I mean wrong for a juicy pale ale.

That said, Roosters says that version 2.0 Jetway Juicy is already out, and has more of the juicy qualities that the faithful will be looking for. Right now, this 5.0 percent beer is only on draft at Roosters’ Layton, B Street and Airport locations. Epic’s Feel The Beat Of The Tangerine is available in 16-ounce cans at the brewery, However the DABC is getting it in 22-ounce bottles. As always, cheers! CW

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Two breweries let their creative (fruit) juices flow.

BEER NERD

the

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BY ALEX SPRINGER @captainspringer

Joe Morley’s Closes

I grew up eating Joe Morley’s unique brand of Texas barbecue, so it’s a bummer to hear that this Midvale staple (100 W. Center Street) will be closing its doors. Joe Morley’s has been in business for around 37 years, and became one of the Wasatch Front’s best-kept secrets in that time. All manner of Texas barbecue favorites could be found at Joe Morley’s, and I wouldn’t be surprised if their brisket, smoked chicken, ribs and baked beans represented the first time I tried this brand of American cuisine. Though the news of this restaurant’s closure didn’t rule out reopening sometime in the future, we’ll have to go elsewhere for our Texas barbecue needs.

Momo’s Gourmet Cheesecake Opens

This Provo bakery (momoscheesecakes.com) recently hosted a grand opening event for their new South Jordan (671 W. South Jordan Parkway) location. If you’ve never had the privilege of combining their vast menu of custardy cheesecake options with an equally impressive range of crust flavors, now is a good time to check out their new digs.

They specialize in personal-sized cheesecakes which are rich and flavorful enough to satisfy two reasonably hungry diners, or just one unreasonably hungry diner. Momo’s likes to keep their diners surprised with a rotating list of flavors that you can check out via their Instagram page (@momosgourmetcheesecakes). If you’re a cheesecake fan in Salt Lake County, this place is worth keeping on your radar.

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Cocktail Collective History of Whiskey

Whiskey has a long, storied history, and it’s a tale that the Cocktail Collective at The Hammered Copper (thehammeredcopper.com) would love to share with fellow aficionados. On Aug. 20, the Cocktail Collective will host the first part in an ongoing series that delves into the roots of whiskey. This round will focus on the rye, bourbon and Tennessee varieties, while also providing a few mixology techniques for those yearning to whip up some whiskey-centric cocktails of their own. The event will take place at Industry SLC (650 S. 500 West) at 6:30 p.m., and any available tickets can be purchased via EventBrite. Attendees should note that proof of COVID-19 vaccination is required for admission.

Quote of the Week: “The light music of whiskey falling into a glass—an agreeable interlude.” –James Joyce

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GOODEATS Complete listings at cityweekly.net Featuring dining destinations from buffets and rooms with a view to mom-and-pop joints, chic cuisine and some of our dining critic’s faves.

Over the Top Cookies

Ice Haüs

FAMILY OWNED LOCALLY LOVED ORDER ONLINE USING

Nestled just off of Utah’s famed Highway 12 in Boulder, this farm-to-table eatery is open seasonally providing not-so-typical road trip fare. Acclaimed chefs and owners Jen Castle and Blake Spalding are committed to sustainable farming and dining practices, which show in every one of their delectable dishes. The ever-popular spicy Breakfast Jenchilada is a plate of smothered toasted corn tortillas, sagepotato pancakes and rice and beans. There’s plenty to tuck into at lunch, too, like the Boulter Patty Melt and the award-winning Backbone House Salad. Next time you’re down south admiring Utah’s red-rock wilderness, stop off and admire Hell’s Backbone, as well. No. 20 North Highway 12, Boulder, 435-335-7464, hellsbackbonegrill.com

Distillery 36 2374 S. Redwood Road, West Valley 801-983-7303 Distillery36.com Eight Settlers Distillery 7321 S. Canyon Centre Pkwy, Cottonwood Heights 385-900-4315 EightSettlersDistillery.com

Simplicity Cocktails 3679 W. 1987 South #6, SLC 801-210-0868 DrinkSimplicity.com

Moab Distillery 686 S. Main, Moab 435-259-6333 TheMoabDistillery.com

Sugarhouse Distillery 2212 S. West Temple #14, SLC 801-726-0403 SugarhouseDistillery.net

New World Distillery 4795 2600 North, Eden 385-244-0144 NewWorldDistillery.com

Vintage Spirits Distillery 6844 S. 300 West, Midvale 801-699-6459 VSDistillery.com

Ogden’s Own Distillery 615 W. Stockman Way, Ogden 801-458-1995 OdgensOwn.com

Waterpocket Distillery 2084 W 2200 South, West Valley City 801-382-9921‬ Waterpocket.co

Cocktail of the Week The Hive Name of drink: Raspberry Brownie Type of alcohol: Coffee Liqueur & Raspberry Liqueur Ingredients: 1 oz Java’s Coffee Licker from The Hive Spirits Company 1 oz Sheldon’s Raspberry Licker from The Hive Spirits Company 2 oz Heavy Cream Ice Directions: Fill a glass with ice cubes. Pour in the liqueurs and then top with cream. Garnish with chocolate shavings on the top.

AUGUST 19, 2021 | 27

1326 E. 5600 S. SLC (801) 679-1688 BEIRUTCAFE.COM

Hell’s Backbone Grill

Dented Brick Distillery 3100 S. Washington St, South Salt Lake 801-883-9837 DentedBrick.com

Holystone Distilling 207 W. 4860 South, SLC 503-328-4356 HolystoneDistilling.com

Silver Reef Brewing and Distillery 4391 Enterprise Drive, St. George 435-216-1050 StGeorgeBev.com

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HALAL • VEGAN • VEGETARIAN CATERING AVAILABLE

Hector’s serves up some of the tastiest south-ofthe-border fare in all of the Salt Lake Valley. Popular combo plates include carne asada, machaca, chorizo, chimichangas and chile relleno plates. The fresh guacamole and housemade picante sauce are stars here.

You also can’t go wrong with one of the Mexican sandwiches called tortas—especially the delicious carnitas one. 2901 E. 3300 South, Salt Lake City, 801-487-3850

Clear Water Distilling Co. 564 W. 700 South, Pleasant Grove 801-997-8667 ClearWaterDistilling.com

The Hive Winery and Spirits Company 1220 W. Jack D Drive, Layton 801-546-1997 TheHiveWinery.com

Outlaw Distillery 552 W. 8360 South, Sandy 801-706-1428 OutlawDistillery.com

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Hector’s Mexican Food

Beehive Distilling 2245 S. West Temple, South Salt Lake 385-259-0252 BeehiveDistilling.com

High West Distillery 703 Park Ave, Park City 435-649-8300 HighWest.com

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This Murray bar serves up more than just drinks and pub fare; they also have an impressive vegetarian/ vegan menu. Unhinge your jaw and sink your teeth into the Kein Fleisch Burger. This cow-less burger (kein fleisch is German for “no meat”) is a vegan masterpiece that comes with fries. It’s topped with the finest dairy-free vegan cheese (it actually melts!), caramelized onions, sauteed mushrooms, a healthy dollop of sauerkraut, lettuce, tomato, vegan mayo and German mustard. Here’s the kicker there’s a second layer of meaty goodness with the addition of a sliced vegan brat. 7 E. 4800 South, Murray, 801-2662127, icehausbar.com

Alpine Distilling 7132 N. Silver Creek Road, Park City 350 Main, Park City 435-200-9537 AlpineDistilling.com

ALAN SCOTT

The mad scientists here mix popular candy bars in their dough instead of chocolate chips—though you can also place a solid bet on the house Naked Chocolate Chips. You can buy all of their cookie varieties in smaller versions, making it easy to try a whole bunch of ’em without getting completely sugared out. Go head-tohead with the LemonLicious, a sugar cookie that’s been doused in lemon icing and baked with bits of Lemonheads candy in the dough, providing a winning mix of tart and sweet. Its supercharged lemon flavor is perfect for hot summer nights—just add milk. 1665 Towne Center Drive, South Jordan, 801-4955920, overthetopcookies.com

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Helper’s New Hardscrabble

AND COME DRINK!

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JOHNNYSONSECOND.COM

165 E 200 S SLC 801.746.3334

An arts-friendly community adds a new music festival to its offerings.

BY ERIN MOORE music@cityweekly.net @errrands_

H

elper, Utah has changed its image— from an old mining town headed for bust, to a booming arts center. An influx of out-of-towners with vision and support from local figures like Helper Mayor Lenise Peterman are breathing new life into the old town, and one of the many hip new additions to Helper’s new sheen is the Hardscrabble Music Festival, which will bring musicians from near and far, by plane, car and … train.

California-based festival organizers Audra Angeli-Morse and Cathy Mason are not from Utah, but they have a sense of what makes us tick—namely, that we’re really proud of our landscape. “When I first was playing around with names, one of the guys that helped me with developing this project said that Helper is at the beginning of Hardscrabble Canyon, and that the city takes a lot of pride in being [there],” Mason says.

It also feels like the right word to imply what kind of fest it is— one of nitty gritty rock ‘n roll, mainly. Headliners include the ’60s rock band Flamin’ Groovies, the all-women AC/DC cover band Hell’s Belles, ’90s psych-rockers Spindrift, contemporary firebrands like Rod Gator and Utah artists like Michelle Moonshine, Utah County Swillers and many more.

And some of the California-based bands will be enjoying the unique experience of hopping right on the California Zephyr, the train that departs out of Emeryville, Calif., and stops right in Helper along its long route to Illinois. Mason says, “The mayor was beyond excited when she heard that, because their whole livelihood has been based on the trains for years. So it’s so exciting that people are actually taking the train to get to play this show.”

From the trains to the people themselves, Helper seems to have a magnetic draw. After Angeli-Morse and Mason met some 20 years ago on a dude-crowded bus while working a tour, they went on to have long careers in talent-buying and producing shows and festivals, plus touring and band managing, counting fests like Punk Rock Bowling in their portfolio. But they always wanted to put on a festival of their own.

The opportunity would come via the pandemic, and via Helper.

During 2020, Mason was spending time working on live streams, where she became acquainted with a young Helperite who harangued Hardscrabble into motion. “He kept talking about Helper and how ‘you gotta see this town, they really want to do a festival,’” Mason says. “Eventually, he talked about it so much that I went out there.”

Mason was immediately charmed, and so were the residents she met. “When they said, ‘can you do an event here?’ I was like, ‘Absolutely, I would love to,’” Mason recalls. Her first call was to AngeliMorse, whose response was, “Utah? Do I have to go book a bunch of country music?”

But honky-tonk would not be the order of the day in Helper.

The historic mining town is lately a playground for the arts, with

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Hardscrabble Music Festival headliner Rod Gator events like the Helper Arts, Music and Film Fest and their First Fridays gallery strolls. And, like fellow arts-loving small towns like Torrey, they’re all about women.

“We’re hiring as many women in the business as possible to work the festival,” Angeli-Morse says. “We were talking about how one of the reasons we wanted to do that was that it was hard for us to get into the business, to hold our ground. We both have done tour managing and more than once I’ve heard, ‘You’re a better tour manager, but they don’t want a girl on tour,’ or, ‘My wife doesn’t want a woman tour-managing us on a bus.’”

But in such a small town, where does a festival fit? “We are trying to use as much of what is in Helper and lives in Helper all year long as possible, so we are going to close off a portion of Main Street, about a block,” explains Mason, who finds comfort in the “grunt work” of building the stages and wrangling the bands. Main Street will be home to the Main Street Fair and the acoustic-focused Big John Stage; nearby Main Street Historic Park will become the Balance Rock Stage, which at 8 p.m. will yield to dance parties DJ’d by Wendy Stongehenge and SLC local DJs Retrograde and Nix Beat.

They’ll also be using The Rio Theater for indoor shows, unless Delta ramps up, in which case they’ll move those shows outdoors.

They’re also working to be able to check vaccination records on the spot, and the mayor is working with the county health department to get onsite testing available. They’ve also been encouraging locals to come, offering free passes for anyone who gets jabbed at the summer event Helper Vibes.

This is all to say, Hardscrabble really wants to be safe, because another shutdown would be death to the music industry it’s part of. “I think Helper is just ready to start showing off their town,” adds Mason.

With camping, arts, a slow river to float and now Hardscrabble Music Festival, Helper seems like the place to be for summers to come, so go celebrate this first go-round. The festival runs Aug. 28 - 29, and tickets are $25 for single day, $40 for weekend passes at hardscrabblemusicfestival.com. CW

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Utah Beer Festival Musical Offerings

The Utah Beer Fest is back this summer, and while the main draw is of course the 200+ beers to sample, there’s also plenty of entertainment to look forward to. The 2021 fest will be at The Gateway Saturday, Aug. 21 and Sunday, Aug. 22, and will feature performances at The Gateway Main Stage by the Olympic Legacy Plaza. But if you want to get the party started early, head to the Utah Beer Festival Official Pre-Party at The Depot on Friday, Aug. 20. Featuring the talents of local icons like Talia Keys, with support by other well-loved locals like Mojave Nomads and The Painted Roses, the show opens its doors at 6 p.m., with showtime at 8 p.m.; tickets are $15 and face coverings are encouraged. On Saturday afternoon, when the fest truly kicks off, visitors can look forward to seeing Boston-based band Lucid Lynx at 3:30 p.m. and the local beer garten classic Pickpockets at 5 p.m., followed by another garten fav in Two Old Guys at 6 p.m. and the Utah-based rock cover band Hoodoo Child at 7 p.m. If you’re visiting on Sunday, catch Dead Zephyrs playing at The Gateway Main Stage at 6 p.m. Weekend tickets to the festival are $40, $30 for single day and $75 for VIP, with Gateway Main Stage acts available for viewing with those festival tickets. Visit utahbeerfest.com for more info and tickets.

Berlin Nights Are Back

They’ve been going for a bit now this summer, but the interactive, industrial dancethemed nights at Metro Music Hall are back after disappearing during the pandemic.

Metro Music Hall has a storied history all its own, including a past as a popular gay bar, and nowadays as a venue for bands and artists, plus the still-regular drag performances. They’ve expanded their scope, though, turning the space into a temporary dance club for their Berlin nights. For these events dubbed an “interactive nightclub experience,” the whole space is transformed. In the past, it’s been doused in moody red lighting, with ragged wall hanging to imbue a grungy sort of vibe. Spaces that are usually off-limits become secret spots to sneak off to for drinks or dancing—but I won’t spoil it by telling you where these crannies can be found. Multiple DJ set-ups and art installations round out the spectacle of a pop-up club—and this Friday, Aug. 20, local DJs will put the cherry on top of the night. Featuring Siak PhD, Artemis, Chavez and Matthew Fit, Berlin is free before 10 p.m. with doors at 9 p.m., and $10 after. This is a 21+ event. Visit metromusichall.com for more information and tickets.

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@the Utah State Wine, Liquor Stores;

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...this Summer enjoy Fess Parker’s Riesling Chardonnay

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Lit’l Grim album release show with Jacked Johnson and Sen Wisher

Late July saw the re-opening of local punk and DIY venue The Beehive, and since then they’ve been hosting a steady flow of new shows and events. It’s been a warm reopening, full of small touring acts moving through SLC and locals alike. This Saturday, Aug. 21, they’ll open their doors to Lit’l Grim, a local band with a fresh new album on their hip, to be released and celebrated alongside more awesome locals. Lit’l Grim and His Happy Band—as they’re fully called—haven’t been around long, just finishing their first performance as a full band in late July at a performance in Kanab, and before that with a Virtualized performance for SLUG Magazine. At The Beehive, though, they’ll be presenting their debut album Mangosteen, an album named after a song by Lit’l Grim’s Tate Grimshaw of the same name. The group grew from connections made in the band Helichrysum, and so fans of their one-off album These Apes Think They Heady should definitely find their interest piqued by Lit’l Grim. The new group will find support in Jacked Johnson, and in soloist Sen Wisher. The show is $7, all-ages and also encourages mask-wearing. Sanitizing stations will be set up around the venue, and attendees are asked to respect others’ boundaries. Visit facebook.com/thebeehiveSLC for more info.

RACHAEL DESOUZA

Uma Fuzz

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UMA FUZZ and Dolï at DLC

One of SLC’s newest off-the-cuff venue spaces has got some goods for you this Thursday, Aug. 19. Come to spend your spare quarters on games and stay for the entertainment at the DLC, which will feature Uma Fuzz and Dolï. Opening act Dolï will set the mood with their mix of psychedelic rock and garage attitude. They’ll be followed by a band of similar inclinations in Uma Fuzz, who will be performing tracks off their 2021 album Question Show, which is a collection of ’90s grunge rock-meetspsychedelia that any vintage-rock lover will dig.

Sarah Little Drum is the singer, and the answer to the question of what ’90s rock would have sounded like had more badass women lent their vocals to the crunching guitars and gotten famous for it. Anyone trapped playing pinball outside the entrance to the corner of the bar the venue takes up will surely feel bad about missing all the noise. Doors to the show are at 8 p.m., with Dolï on at 9 p.m. and Uma Fuzz on at 10:30 p.m. Tickets are $10 and the show is 21+. More info and tickets can be found at quartersslc.com.

Fleetwood Macramé Visit The Urban Lounge

Whether you’re a lifelong fan or a youngster converted by that one viral TikTok video with the cranberry juice and the mustached man on a longboard, most people know and love Fleetwood Mac. We’ve all seen the Rumours cover dotting record store bins and thrift stores alike. Well, among the many cover bands in this world, here’s a cover band for Fleetwood fanatics—and a special one, considering that the real deal will probably never tour together again. Fleetwood Macramé hails from San Francisco, and its members are a busy bunch. Neofolk singer and songwriter Linda Moody plays Stevie Nicks, and has also performed in bands like Chaos Fiction, Excuses For Skipping and a Creedence Clearwater Revival tribute band called Proud Mary, alongside fellow Fleetwood Macramé member Tori Fulkerson-Jones (John McVie). Jai Bird (Mick Fleetwood) also plays in Proud Mary, plus a Patsy Cline tribute band called The Patsychords. In addition to these three covers-happy members, Macramé is rounded out by Madeline Tasquin Streicek (Christine McVie) and Owen Adair Kelley (Lindsey Buckingham). Audience participation is encouraged, because everyone knows the words of course. So don’t miss your chance to get dreamy to “Dreams” in person! The show is Thursday, Aug. 19 at The Urban Lounge, with doors at 7 p.m., tickets $20 - $100. This is a 21+ show.

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High Spirits

The Night House uses a ghost story to dig into perhaps too many psychological subjects.

BY SCOTT RENSHAW scottr@cityweekly.net @scottrenshaw

SEARCHLIGHT FEATURES

I

n recent years, the notion of a subgenre called “elevated horror” has been making the rounds—which is pretty insulting if you stop to think about the history of horror for more than half a second. True, horror cinema in particular has been, at various times and for various reasons, a place for low budgets, exploitation and bad taste, but the building blocks of what we think of as horror come from far more fascinating places. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein delved into the ethics of creating life; Bram Stoker’s Dracula created fertile metaphorical ground involving forbidden sexuality; Robert Louis Stevenson’s Dr. Jekkyl and Mr. Hyde acknowledged the capacity for brutality within all of us. Maybe it’s better to call the vulgar shit “submerged horror,” and give plain ol’ “horror” its due for plumbing psychological depths just as rich as “respectable” drama.

Ghost stories in particular tend to have their own complicated subtext, often involving grief and guilt, like Nicholas Roeg’s classic Don’t Look Now. For a while, The Night House feels like it’s going to become a part of that legacy. Then it pivots towards another kind of psychological territory.

Then maybe kind of pivots again. And as ambitious as the attempt is, it’s not clear that all those things work together.

It begins with Beth (Rebecca Hall), a schoolteacher in upstate New York, dealing with the recent death by suicide of her husband of nearly 15 years, Owen (Evan Jonigkeit). Now living alone in the lakeside home that architect Owen built for them, Beth starts to experience strange sounds and vi-

sions that may or may not be dreams. As she starts to dig into the things that Owen left behind, she begins to discover parts of his life that he’d been hiding from her—parts that suggest a darker person than the one she knew.

The earliest scenes revolve around Beth’s response to being completely blind-sided

by Owen taking his own life. Hall has a gift as an actor for brittle ferocity, and she digs deep into Beth’s readiness to lash out in response to feeling confused and abandoned, conveyed most effectively when she is unwilling to play nice with the passive-aggressive suggestion by the mother of one of her students that Beth should raise his grade.

The screenplay—by the team of Ben Collins and Luke Piotrowski—allows Beth to be a kind of walking case study in the “anger” stage of grief, fueled by the realization that she didn’t know her husband well enough to think he was capable of such a thing.

That realization grows as Beth finds more evidence of Owen’s possible double-life—

including photos of women who seem to look a lot like her—and begins to believe that his spirit may be haunting their house.

Here the subtext gets a bit thornier, but at least still feels mostly of a piece with what has come before. The Night House takes the idea of ghosts and applies it to the need for closure, the hope that the dearly departed might have something more to say that could explain the seemingly unexplainable.

Director David Bruckner supplies some of the requisite genre trappings of ominous reflections and things literally going bump in the night, but the story remains anchored in the realization that a lot of ghost stories are about spirits that someone wants to stick around, rather than go away.

The Night House seemed to be on solid spooky ground, until there’s a different emphasis on Beth’s own state of mind. Through a back-story about a near-death experience Beth had as a teenager, the story introduces the subject of Beth’s nihilistic view of the afterlife, and tries to connect it to her own

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hinted-at depression—which has potential, but gets overwhelmed by the unnecessarily complicated occult mythology the movie tries to build. There’s a story here about the people left wounded by a suicide, and a story about trying to fight off the demons that lead to suicide. Horror doesn’t have to be “elevated” to find rich material in such topics, but it should, if everything is going to come together most effectively, ultimately pick a lane. CW

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expect you will encounter an abundance of influences like Woolf: people and animals and places and experiences that can bring you into more intimate contact with your soul. I hope you take full advantage.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20) The popular American TV sitcom 30 Rock produced 138 episodes in seven seasons. At the height of its success, it crammed an average of 9.57 jokes into every minute. Its comic richness derived in large part from multi-talented Taurus star Tina Fey, who created the show and played one of its main characters. She was also a writer and executive producer. I propose we make her your role model in the coming weeks. According to my projections, you’re entering a charismatic, ebullient and creative phase of your astrological cycle. It’s time to be generous to the parts of your life that need big happy doses of release and liberation.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) Do you Scorpios lie to yourselves more than the other signs lie to themselves? Are you especially prone to undermine yourselves through self-deception? I don’t think so. However, you might be among the signs most likely to mislead or beguile other people.

(But here’s a caveat: On some occasions, your trickery is in a good cause, because it serves the needs of the many, not just yourself.) In any case, dear Scorpio, I will ask you to minimize all such behavior during the next five weeks. I think your success will depend on you being exceptionally honest and genuine— both to yourself and to others.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20) I got an email from a Gemini reader named Jaylah. She wrote, “Hi, not sure if you remember me, but in our past lives, you and I used to write sacred cuneiform texts on clay tablets while sitting across from each other in a cave in Mesopotamia 4,910 years ago. Your name was Nabu. Mine was Tashmetu. I was always a little jealous because you earned more money than I, but it didn’t get in the way of our friendship. Anyway, if you ever want to catch up about the old days, give me a holler.” I loved receiving this inquiry from a soul I may have known in a previous incarnation.

What she did by reaching out to me is the perfect type of activity for you Geminis right now. Secrets of your history may be more available than usual. The past may have new stories to tell. A resource from yesteryear could prove valuable in the future.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) “I like being broken,” says Sagittarius actor Jamie Campbell Bower. “It means I can have chocolate for breakfast.” I guess that when he feels down, he gives himself special permission to enjoy extra treats and privileges. According to my assessment of the astrological omens, you now have the right to give yourself similar permission—even though I don’t expect you’ll be broken or feeling down. Think of it as a reward for the brave work you’ve been doing lately. Enjoy this chocolatey grace period!

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) At the age of 70, Libran novelist Magda Szabó mused, “I know now, what I didn’t then, that affection can’t always be expressed in calm, orderly, articulate ways; and that one cannot prescribe the form it should take for anyone else.” In that spirit, Libra, and in accordance with astrological omens, I authorize you to express affection in lively, unruly, demonstrative ways. Give yourself permission to be playfully imaginative, exuberantly revelatory and vivaciously animated as you show the people and animals you cherish the nature of your feelings for them.

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CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) Abraham Joshua Heschel (1907–1972) was a Jewish theologian born under the sign of Capricorn. He wrote, “Indifference to the sublime wonder of living is the root of sin.” That’s a different definition of sin from what we’re used to! To be a moral person, Heschel believed, you must be in “radical amazement” CANCER (June 21-July 22) Cancerian-born Franz Kafka was an interesting writer and a about the glories of creation. I hope you will cultivate such an master of language. But even for him, it could be a challenge attitude in the coming weeks, Capricorn. It would be a mistake to convey what he really meant. He said, “I am constantly for you to numbly take things for granted. I dare you to cultivate trying to communicate something incommunicable, to explain as much awe, reverence and adoration as you can muster. something inexplicable, to tell about something I only feel in my bones and which can only be experienced in those bones.” Now AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) here’s the good news, as far as you’re concerned, Cancerian: I A blogger who calls herself Hopeful Melancholy wrote a messuspect that in the coming weeks, you will have more power than sage to her lover. She said, “My favorite sexual position is usual to do exactly what Kafka aspired to do. You will be able to the one where you work on your paintings, and I work on my summon extra ease and grace in expressing your truths. I invite book, but we’re in the same room and occasionally smile at each other.” You might want to consider trying experiments you to be a connoisseur of deep conversations. comparable to that one in the coming weeks, Aquarius. The time will be fertile for you and your dear allies to work side-by-side; to LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) “If we wait until we are ready, we will be waiting for the rest of cheer each other on and lift each other up; to explore new ways of our lives,” declared novelist Lemony Snicket. This is good advice cultivating companionship and caring for each other. for you to heed right now. I really hope you avoid the temptation to wait around for the perfect moment before you begin. In PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) my vision of your best approach, you will dive into the future Dick Dudley was a 17th-century swindler. Among his many without trying to have all your plans finalized and all your assets victims was the pope. Dudley offered an item for sale that he gathered. I expect you will acquire the rest of what you need once claimed was a divine relic: a piece of the beard of St. Peter, founder of the Roman Catholic Church. The pope paid Dudley a the process is underway. small fortune for the treasure and kissed it copiously. Only later did the full story emerge: The so-called beard was in fact a sex VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) Author Katherine Mansfield once told her friend Virginia worker’s pubic wig. I hope you don’t get involved in switcheroos Woolf, “You put me in touch with my own soul.” I’m sorry like that anytime soon, Pisces. Make sure that the goods or Mansfield didn’t previously have that precious connection, but services you’re receiving—and offering, for that matter—are I’m elated that Woolf helped her make it. In the coming weeks, I exactly what they’re supposed to be.

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ARIES (March 21-April 19) A blogger calling herself TheSaddestChorusGirlInTheWorld writes, “Having sex with someone is a big deal and involves a ton of vulnerability. And I think it’s troubling and gross and unhealthy and, yes, dangerous that we pretend otherwise and encourage people to ‘be mature’ by compartmentalizing or completely eliminating their deeper emotions from their sexuality. And even worse, any other view is dismissed as prudish and invalid and unenlightened and restrictive.” You may agree with everything TheSaddestChorusGirl says here. But if you haven’t arrived at her conclusions, now is a good time to meditate on them. Why? Because your assignment in the coming weeks is to deepen and refine your relationship with your sexuality. Be extra reverent about your sensual longings. Ensure that your erotic activities serve your highest ideals and noblest goals.

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DESSERT

BY DAVID LEVINSON WILK

ACROSS

1. Some Mexican beers 2. Tour often featuring Black Sabbath 3. Like the veal in osso buco 4. Things sailors spin 5. 10-Down bottom 6. It may be put in a bun 7. What’s yours in Montréal?

8. Speed Stick brand

G S

100 356 :

:

Econ 101

9. Wes in the Basketball Hall of Fame 10. Loafer, e.g.

11. Line on a tugboat 12. Everyone in the South?

13. “____ the season ... “ 21. Full range 22. By way of 26. Early Olds auto that’s an anagram of 29-Down 29. Underground deposit that’s an anagram of 26-Down 30. ____-jongg 31. Have ____ in the conversation 32. Lead-in to calculus 36. Wood-shaping tool 37. “Boardwalk Empire” actress Gretchen 38. Abbreviation in ancient dates 39. One thrown for a loop?

40. Dictator played by Forest 41. Stella Artois or Beck’s 42. Prison in the Harry Potter books 44. Suggested résumé length 45. Eponym of an annual Golden Globe award for lifetime achievement 46. They impart an innocent look

48. “____-haw!”

49. Angela Merkel, e.g.

50. 1965 hit for the Dixie Cups 55. Hosp. trauma pro 57. Delivery vehicles 58. “Hey, what’s going ____ there?”

59. Hog’s desire 60. Same-sex household?

61. Sch. system with a campus in Spokane

Last week’s answers

No math is involved. The grid has numbers, but nothing has to add up to anything else. Solve the puzzle with reasoning and logic. Solving time is typically 10 to 30 minutes, depending on your skill and experience.

DOWN

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Complete the grid so that each row, column, diagonal and 3x3 square contain all of the numbers 1 to 9.

1. Country singer Keith 5. Phased-out SeaWorld attraction 10. “On the double!”

14. Cornell of Cornell University 15. Like Cheerios 16. Hindu festival of colors 17. Powerful policymaker 18. They have their pride 19. Birds that carry letters to and from Hogwarts 20. Influence over many different activities 23. Actress Thompson of “Selma” 24. Peyton Manning’s brother 25. Dinghy thingy 27. Suffix with Sudan or Japan 28. Symbols of American wholesomeness 33. Normal: Abbr.

34. Russia’s ____ Mountains 35. Move, in real estate lingo 36. Admitted one’s mistake 40. Modern register at a cashless establishment 43. Ricky Martin’s “Livin’ la Vida ____” 44. Like 2021 47. Jazz musician with the autobiography “To Be, or Not ... to Bop” 51. “The Matrix” role 52. Type 53. “OMG, a mouse!”

54. Dreaded note from a teacher 56. Possible meal preparer’s direction near the end of the main course but before dessert (it’s been ignored by 20-, 28-, 36- and 47-Across) 61. Org. with the Sun, Storm and Sky 62. Insignificant 63. “The Voice” host Carson 64. Son of John and Yoko 65. “Seven Samurai” director Kurosawa 66. Rudely stare at 67. Coffeehouse dispensers 68. Nine-piece combo 69. They’ll earn you a 2.0

SUDOKU

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| COMMUNITY |

38 | AUGUST 19, 2021

CROSSWORD PUZZLE

Remember back in Economics 101 when we learned the definition of the gross domestic product? Refresher: It’s the market value of all the goods and services produced in a certain geographic area.

Places with a large GDP will generally have a high standard of living. Politicians and economists want their city, county, state and country to have a great GDP, and Utah is currently basking in that golden ray of GDP sunshine. Forbes magazine just rated us the No. 1 state for growth in our gross domestic production. But really, what does that mean?

Utah’s economy is hot and has been for several years. Our GDP has grown from $123.47 billion in 2010 to $168.62 billion in 2020, despite COVID. It grew 82% from 2000 to 2020, and the pandemic barely seems to have made a major difference in our state’s production machinery, having come back from the pandemic more rapidly than any other state. We have a diversified economy that’s strong in technology, oil, gas, salt and coal mining, tourism, manufacturing, agriculture and finance.

Sadly, though, the drought we’re suffering may tilt some of the figures into negative columns in the next few years and slow our GDP. For example, since farmers can’t get water to grow hay, ranchers are planning to sell off stock because hay is too expensive, which could send beef prices skyrocketing.

Snow totals are down and expected to get worse, which will affect tourism at our resorts—this, despite how well known we are as a skiing destination since we hosted the world in the 2002 Winter Olympics.

After Utah, the nine states with the highest GDP are Washington, Colorado, Arizona, Oregon, California, Texas, Georgia and Florida. All the Western states are experiencing extreme weather conditions, which include heat and drought as well as fires.

GDP can turn sour if we buy less, governments spend less, we export less and business investments fall.

Utah exports a wide variety of goods, like microchips, medical equipment, aircraft parts and auto safety products. But if you want to win the weekly trivia night at your local pub, answer this question: What is our largest mineral export? (fade in Jeopardy music). Gold! Utah and Nevada are neck and neck with gold production.

If you’re a stats geek or just interested in following the health of our economy, watch the periodic, but regular GDP reports. If the measurement in Utah begins to drop, that means we’re going to see a decline in percapita income. Low-wage earners will suffer more than the affluent, as goes the adage “the rich get richer, the poor get poorer.”

When you hear reports about businesses suffering, declining revenues and unemployment rising, talk will likely start up again to suss out if we are heading into a recession.

What we do know right now is that food and gas prices are just going up, up and up, which is making an impact on all our standards of living. n Content is prepared expressly for Community and is not endorsed by City Weekly staff.

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WEIRD

Surprise!

Olympic equestrians competing in the jumping qualifier on Aug. 3 had to overcome a particularly spooky obstacle, the Associated Press reported. The jumps and barriers are decorated in Japanese themes, and next to No. 10 is a lifesize, crouching sumo wrestler that horses and riders approach from behind. “As you come around, you see a big guy’s (butt),” explained British rider Harry Charles. Several of the horses in the competition pulled up before the jump, including Vancouver de Lanlore, ridden

by Penelope Leprevost of France. Balking at an obstacle earns penalty points, affecting a team’s entry into the finals. “You know, horses don’t want to see a guy, like, looking intense next to a jump, looking like he’s ready to fight you,” said Teddy Vlock of Israel. But Scott Brash of Britain was nonchalant: “To be honest, you expect (flashy course designs) in the Olympic Games. If it was just plain old jumps, it’d be just like any other week.” Update: On Aug. 6, the AP reported that the sumo wrestler was removed from the obstacle course, along with a nearby patch of cherry trees that riders thought might be spooking the horses.

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Extreme Measures In London, Ontario, a persnickety homeowner took matters into his own hands on July 30 when he ran his car into a neighbor who had been urinating on his lawn, BlogTO reported. The 38-yearold driver struck the victim, throwing him several meters and causing a gash on the back of his head. The driver was charged with dangerous operation of a vehicle causing bodily harm, which could get him 10 years in prison.

Sign of the Times Jesse Jones of Raleigh, North Carolina, has adapted some of his infamous Halloween decorations for a different purpose: He has erected a 13-foot skeleton in his front yard with a sign attached that reads, “Not Vaccinated See You Soon Idiots!” WRAL-TV reported that Jones also set up some tombstones with messages directed at vaccine deniers. He lost his mother-in-law to COVID-19 and hopes his display will get people to focus on the recommendations coming from the CDC. Bright Idea n Vahan Mikaelyan, a Russian mechanic and hot-rod enthusiast, has converted a VAZ-2106 Zhiguli car (also known as a Lada 1600) into what he calls the “Dragon—a vehicle that shoots flames out its headlights, KOMO-TV News reported on Aug. 5. The shooting fire reaches about 20 feet. Mikaelyan said he will use the car in an upcoming race to set another car on fire. “Friends, you have seen the powerful fire my Dragon spits.

Therefore, on 15th August, we will burn the losing car with the Dragon. Make your cars better! There is going to be a hot car battle,” Mikaelyan said. n Toyota Motor Corp. publicly scolded the mayor of Nagoya, Japan, for “biting” an Olympic gold medal at an event celebrating medal-winner Miu Goto, a softball pitcher. On Aug. 4, Mayor Takashi Kawamura pulled down his mask and pretended to chomp on Goto’s medal for photos, Reuters reported, but social media objected: Some suggested Goto get a replacement medal because of the germs transferred. Toyota was sterner: “It is unfortunate that he was unable to feel admiration and respect for the athlete. And it is extremely regrettable that he was unable to give consideration to infection prevention,” a statement read.

A chastened Kawamura made a televised apology, saying he would “reflect on” his actions.

Send your weird news items to WeirdNewsTips@amuniversal.com.

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Bad Behavior n Frontier Airlines flight attendants and passengers had to resort to duct tape on a flight from Philadelphia to Miami on July 31, ABC6-TV reported. Maxwell Berry, 22, of Norwalk, Ohio, initially brushed his hand against a female flight attendant’s backside, then spilled a drink on his shirt. He went to the restroom and emerged without his shirt, the police report said, and an attendant helped him get another shirt from his carry-on bag. Berry then walked around for about 15 minutes before groping the chests of female flight attendants. As a male flight attendant watched over him, Berry punched him in the face, at which point other passengers took matters into their own hands and restrained him in his seat with duct tape. He was taken into custody when the flight landed and charged with three counts of battery. n James Lenn Williams, 45, of Port St. Lucie, Florida, faces multiple battery charges after an incident on Aug. 5 at a hotel in Key West, Fox News reported. Williams and three friends were on vacation when things turned ugly, Monroe County sheriff’s officers said. One of the women in the party passed out, and

Babs De Lay

| COMMUNITY |

Latest Religious Message WXIX-TV reported that Charles Mullins, 65, was arrested on Aug. 3 and charged with arson after a fire at his home in Boone County, Kentucky. According to police, firefighters were called to Mullins’ home around 3:15 that morning. Mullins admitted that he started the fire by turning on the gas stove, pouring gasoline around the house and then lighting a piece of paper. Mullins said God had told him to start the fire and leave Kentucky, which he probably won’t be doing for some time now. He was held on $25,000 bond.

Seems Obvious Milford, Maine, has been fighting a problem with rats for the past several weeks, but the possible solution only came to light during a select board meeting on Aug. 3, the Bangor Daily News reported. According to fire chief Josh Mailman, the town health officer and assistant fire chief Chris Liepold discovered that one resident had been providing a veritable feast for wildlife in her backyard—a pile of corn and sunflower seeds 20 feet wide and about a foot deep. A neighbor installed a game camera near the pile and found that along with deer, coyotes and bears, “a lot of rats” were visiting the spread. Griffin Dill, an integrated pest management professional at the University of Maine, explained: “If there’s one person who’s not keeping up their end of the bargain (in fighting rats community-wide), the problem is going to be an immense challenge.” The generous feeder may be asked to pay for the removal of the pile, but their actions don’t appear to break any laws.

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

Fixer-Upper Sara Weaver and her husband found their dream farmhouse in Skippack, Pennsylvania, and bought it in December in a bit of a rush. They decided to forgo an inspection, but they did note that the seller’s disclosure mentioned “bees in wall.” It wasn’t until the weather warmed, however, that the Weavers became aware of the extent of the bees. When Allan Lattanzi, a beekeeper in the area, came to remove them in late July, he eventually ended up with 450,000 bees, comprising three colonies. CNN reported that the Weavers paid $12,000 for the removal, which involved taking slate tiles off the outside wall one by one. Lattanzi estimates the bees had been there for 35 years; he had been called to the residence once before but the owner at that time didn’t want to pay for the removal. When the Weavers took ownership, the house “was so dirty,” Weaver said, “and now that I’m thinking about it, I originally thought it was dirt on the windows that I cleaned but it was probably honey because there were drip marks.”

Williams was transporting her back to the hotel room in a wheelbarrow, pouring beer on her and berating her on the way.

The other man in the group became angry and a fight ensued, during which “Williams ... pushed the male victim to the ground and began choking him. The male victim stated that Williams bit part of his ear off while the others were trying to separate them,” the report stated.

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40 | AUGUST 19, 2021

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