City Weekly March 2, 2023

BY CAROLYN CAMPBELL

Victims’ families, law enforcement and anonprofitcoalition seek answers to Utah’s unsolved murders.

Cold Comfort

SLC FORECAST

By Carolyn Campbell Cover design by Derek Carlisle

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Woke and Proud

When women are free from institutionalized and societal sexism, women perform as good as—or even better than— t he other sex.

Women are graduating from college at rates much higher than men. And despite the continued wage gap, single women are buying more homes than their male counterparts.

Women give more to charities. Women commit less crime, and much less v iolent crime. The list goes on and on.

Female independence—let alone fe-

male success—is terrifying for the historical status quo in Utah, and in America. Everything masculinity has been based on is subject to becoming “feminized.”

This means that a once completely dominant group within society will have to change, or (as we see currently in conservative states) try to enforce their dominance, yet again, through policies and laws like “anti-woke” bills, forced pregnancy laws, book banning and traditional gender role enforcement through anti-trans laws. In short—a throwback to the good old days of their forefathers when inequality was literally the law of the land.

Power structures in Utah, and in America, are based on anti-wokeness. Being “woke,” which really means being open to others (i.e., including non-white people, women and/or non-straight people) thriving in society, is a wonderful t hing. I embrace my wokeness wholeheartedly.

ANGELA TARBET Harrisville

Appalled but Unsurprised

Well, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was found to be hiding $32 billion. I feel like I should be surprised, but I’m really not.

“The Church” in Utah has been doing this since 1997 and used a bunch of different shell companies to try and hide t he billions that could and should have been used for so many different things in the state.

Perhaps instead of having hundreds— if not thousands—of people sleeping in tents on the streets and in parks in the state, “The Church” could use some of those funds to create housing? Or even better, let them just sleep in the hundreds of churches you can find on any neighborhood corner that provide heating and shelter.

A nd call me crazy, but maybe they could use those funds to feed some of these individuals, so that they can be nourished and strengthened (I think that’s how it goes) as well? If this type of activity is upsetting to you and you are

a member of “The Church,” I encourage you to speak with your leaders and let them know it is not okay and that you would like to see justice and accountability taken.

These funds are tithing and represent the generosity of the faith’s members. To have it taken and hidden away should have consequences.

Hiding funds that are obviously so needed in so many ways—not just here in Utah, but globally—and then hiding behind the façade of love and caring for others as Christians is beyond ironic and hypocritical.

It’s damned near evil, I’d say.

ANDY DEINES Salt Lake City

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THE WATER COOLER

Which cartoon universe would you rather live in: The Simpsons, Bob’s Burgers, or Family Guy? Or another?

Doug Kruithof

Rocky & Bullwinkle, please!

Chelsea Neider

Trolls. I love Trolls way too much!

Bill Frost

King of the Hill. Propane is the only way to grill, I tell you what.

Katharine Biele

I’m all about Hotel Transylvania or a Minions universe.

Ben Wood

Bob’s Burgers seems like the more grounded universe. It’s fine for entertainment but I wouldn’t want to live in the zaniness of Simpsons and Family Guy Ain’t nobody got time for that.

Kelly Boyce

Futurama for sure. They have better lasers than Stewie, and I could date an alien. If Rick and Morty is an option, that’s a clear winner, though. Have you seen that toilet?!

Bryan Bale

Legend of Vox Machina on Prime Video. It’s based on a long-running series of tabletop gaming sessions from a Twitch channel called Critical Role. I’m curious to see what it would be like to roll up my own character and jump into that world.

BY KEITH BURNS

You Preach

OPINION Practice What

Repentance is a bedrock teaching of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. In a 2019 address, Church President Russell M. Nelson urged members to “identify what stops you from repenting. And then, change! Repent! All of us can do better and be better than ever before.”

How does the LDS church define repentance? To prospective members, it lays out simple steps in a missionary pamphlet titled The Gospel of Jesus Christ. Those steps include recognizing that you have sinned, stopping the sin, confessing your sins to the Lord, asking for forgiveness and making restitution. Considering that daily repentance is expected of its millions of members, it’s also fair to expect the church to properly repent for its wrongdoings and errors.

An important area that warrants repentance is its finances. On Feb. 21, the church was charged by the Securities and Exchange Commission with “failing to file forms that would have disclosed the church’s equity investments” of $32 billion, held by its investment firm, Ensign Peaks. They instead filed forms for 13 shell companies in what church officials explained was an effort to “maintain the privacy” of its investments. Ensign Peaks acknowledged that the obfuscating was done knowingly, because the firm wanted “to avoid ‘attention’ that would be ‘potentially damaging.’”

Many believe that LDS leaders fear increased transparency would disincentivize members from paying tithing. In a press release responding to the allegations, the church stated: “We affirm our commitment to comply with the law, regret mistakes made, and now consider this matter closed.”

Using passive voice to convey that “mistakes [were] made” aligns with the subsequent defense that “the church’s senior leadership never prepared ... the specific reports at issue.” LDS leaders, in essence, deflected blame onto Ensign Peak officials and lawyers instead of taking responsibility.

This response fits within a broader pattern of senior leadership dodging accountability for wrongdoings. In 2015, Elder Dallin H. Oaks—first counselor in the governing First Presidency—said the church does not “seek apologies” and “we don’t give them.” While the church in this instance expresses vague “regret,” they do not genuinely apologize nor demonstrate sufficient accountability for a significant and illicit breach of financial transparency.

But the SEC’s sanctions have sparked broader conversations about church leadership and its precarious relationship with accountability. For example, leaders have never apologized to people of African descent for prohibiting them from receiving the priesthood and worshiping in the faith’s temples, a policy that remained in effect until 1978. And while they have disavowed past racist teachings—including notions that Black people were cursed and less valiant in the premortal existence—they have failed to acknowledge the painful reality that they deprived Black members access to the highest and holiest rituals in LDS theology.

This is to say nothing of countless racist statements and teachings that were, for decades, infused into theological frameworks, like a prevalent mid-20th century idea that Black people were of an “inferior race.” Today, scriptures describing dark skin as a “curse” remain in the LDS canon.

To adequately repent, the church should sincerely apologize for their white supremist practices, explicitly condemn past racist teachings and fundamentally restructure leadership with equitable racial diversity.

LGBTQ+ people deserve an equally sincere apology. For decades, church rhetoric has delegitimized and demonized LGBTQ+ people, including attacks in the mid-20th century that framed homosexuality as a viral contagion that would destroy familial and societal harmony. The church also justified decades of conversion therapy in an attempt to root out homosexuality from its members.

In recent decades, LDS leaders have adopted a gentler, more welcoming tone regarding LGBTQ+ people, a rhetorical shift that sociologists Ryan Cragun and Edward Sumerau refer to as “sodomy to sympathy.” Their doctrinal models, however, still maintain the sinfulness and inferiority of homosexual relationships and transgender experiences.

Perhaps the most tragic aspect of the church’s violence against queer people is manifest in disproportionate levels of suicidality among LGBTQ+ youth within the church. Surely, the church can apologize, candidly acknowledging its past injustices and restructuring their teachings so that all sexual and gender identities are considered equal.

Repentance is also needed for how the church has treated women. Throughout the 20th century, church leaders grounded male economic opportunity and female domestic labor in appeals to divine order. Until 2019, women made temple covenants to their husbands, while men made temple covenants to God. This has gradually softened into a “soft” patriarchy, with egalitarian language used to frame marital partnerships. But women continue to be denied priesthood on the grounds that sexual differences mandate a separation of roles (i.e., the priesthood and motherhood).

However, this paradigm quickly breaks down, as a career-oriented man can constantly access the domestic, familial sphere—cooking, cleaning and nurturing children. A woman, on the other hand, cannot access priesthood positions, including leading congregations and stakes, serving as General Authorities and giving priesthood blessings. Men have access to the priesthood and fatherhood, whereas women only have access to motherhood. The church should apologize for relegating women to a second class and begin providing them equal ecclesiastical opportunities.

As a practicing Latter-day Saint, I am frequently called to repentance by ecclesiastical leaders. And although I disagree with numerous church teachings, I welcome invitations to become a more compassionate and charitable version of myself. While I understand LDS authorities may reject the proposals I have articulated, I sincerely ask them to model the same principles of repentance, honesty and accountability they emphatically preach to their members.

They can do this by openly acknowledging and apologizing for their wrongdoings—especially those that have harmed others—and implement institutional and theological changes that accept and embrace individuals they have long marginalized and oppressed. CW

Private Eye is off this week. Send feedback to comments@cityweekly.net

BY KATHARINE BIELE | @kathybiele

MISS: White Fright

Rep. Sandra Hollins, D-Salt Lake City, isn’t alone. This notion that we should shut down discussions on racism, that we should not talk about “inclusion” or “equity” isn’t just exhausting, it’s terrifying. “I’m more than tired physically. I’m tired spiritually and mentally from fighting,” Hollins—Utah’s only Black lawmaker—told her House colleagues after they passed HB451, which would have restricted the use of diversity, equity and inclusion (DEI) training. Ever since ex-President Trump banned DEI for the federal workforce, diversity has become a right-wing punching bag. The Penn Political Review pushes back. “Schools must begin teaching the socialized construction of race to give students a deeper understanding of how diverse identities experience the same country.” HB451 failed this year, but the issue will be back. With bills like these, we’re rewriting history according to white nationalism.

MISS: Cold Shoulder

It’s not a bad thing that the Legislature is focusing on the unsheltered. But sadly, lawmakers don’t understand the depth or the intricacies of the problem. This year, they’re pushing money at the problem, which doesn’t really do much. A House committee passed out a homeless services bill to fund and mandate winter overflow shelters. It all sounds good until you get to the part where it has to be below 15 degrees before it kicks in. Sure, there are some homeless people who refuse to go to shelters, but the number of tents lining the capital city belies that. Nonprofits are trying to fill the services gap, but at some point, government needs to come up with real plans. Former Senate President Wayne Niederhauser is working quietly behind the scenes, but as the state’s homeless point person, now is the time for him to speak out.

HIT: Sexy Talk

There is, at least, a spark of hope for the LGBTQ+ community. After meeting with Equality Utah, Rep. Jeff Stenquist, R-Draper, amended his “Don’t Say Gay” bill to a “Don’t Say Sex” bill. “HB550 would have required school districts to ensure that classroom instruction or classroom discussion that an educator or other adult leads on sexuality, including sexual orientation or gender identity ... does not occur in kindergarten through grade 3,” the Deseret News reports. The amendment deletes “sexual orientation or gender identity.” At press time, the bill was parked in the House Transportation Committee. So, this could change, but at least there’s been some compromise.

Solar City

There is a sign on 1300 East just north of 2100 South in Sugar House, declaring Salt Lake City as a “Solar America City” that is “committed to a sustainable solar future” (above photo). If you’ve commuted on that route, you’ve most likely passed it unknowingly as the lettering has been—ironically—sun-faded so much it’s mostly unreadable from a distance.

The initiative was part of a Department of Energy program from 2007, recognizing 25 cities across the U.S. that were highly committed to accelerating solar adoption at the local level. Not much can be found about the program online beyond 2015—I presume it is defunct—but Salt Lake City holding the title as being a Solar City is still very applicable today.

Besides running around town everywhere, one of my other hobbies is perusing Google Earth’s aerial photos for local sites that are particularly interesting from above. One reoccurring thing I’ve noticed through all my scrolling and zooming is there are a lot of large-scale solar installations in Salt Lake.

Whether they are attached to the roofs of large buildings or situated on the ground, you can find large quantities of panels in pretty much every neighborhood. The demand for solar is so high, Salt Lake Community College—through their Workforce and Economic Development Energy Institute—has a Solar Training Program at their Westpointe Center location, where students can work on solar panel mock-ups of all varieties.

My favorite local solar installation is also one of the largest: the 2,700 solar-panel farm on top of the Utah Jazz’s Vivint Arena (top photo, below) at 300 West and South Temple—one of only three NBA arenas with rooftop solar. But the funnest installation, by far, is one situated on top of the Chevron location at 500 South and West Temple (bottom photo, below).

Energy prices are so high, even gas stations are switching to renewables—a great indication of where our solar future is heading! CW

A sun-faded sign on 1300 East boasts Salt Lake City’s status as a “Solar America City” committed to a sustainable future.

The rooftops of the Vivint Arena and a Chevron station downtown pull double-duty as urban solar energy farms.

Cold Comfort

Victims’ families, law enforcement and a nonprofit coalition seek answers to Utah’s unsolved murders.

BY CAROLYN CAMPBELL comments@cityweekly.net

At first glance, the lumpy shape didn’t look like a body. A hiker in Butterfield Canyon, west of Herriman, found the form wrapped in heavy plastic and tape. On closer observation, there were also dark red stains that appeared to be blood.

Alejandro Reyes’ family reported him missing three hours after the hiker found the corpse. The next day, Reyes’ red 2002 Toyota Tacoma pickup truck turned up in Riverton’s Legacy Springs apartment parking lot. The plastic and tape that wrapped the body couldn’t conceal that Reyes had been beaten to death in a vicious attack. “He was bludgeoned—throughout his body, but mainly about the head,” said Sgt. Ben Pender, a member of the Unified Police Department’s cold case unit.

Fatal beatings are rarer than murder with a gun or a knife, Pender said while relating how an unknown killer in 2016 stole the life of the 26-year-old Reyes, who was a caring uncle who often brought gifts to his nephew and helped his sister with schoolwork. An assailant—perhaps more than one, based on inconclusive DNA results—shattered Reyes’ dreams of rising in his career and someday having his own family.

“This isn’t such an old case,” Pender said. “We believe someone out there would remember information and be willing to help.”

Pender’s cold case workload currently includes 34 unsolved homicides and 14 long-term missing persons where foul play is likely involved. He usually works on between four and six cases at a time for about three months each. “What’s going on in that particular case determines whether I continue,” he said.

Pender said he rotates through all his cold cases each year and does what he can to progress them along. “Sometimes, they take off, and we resolve the case,” he said, adding that resolution “is very satisfying because they are so challenging. But, they’re difficult for a reason.”

Making a Case

There are currently 250,000 cold cases in the United States, according to Karra Porter, one of three founders of the Utah Cold Case Coalition. A nonprofit, volunteer organization, the Cold Case Coalition is working on more than 400 cases and helping others to investigate cold cases independently.

Porter—along with private detective Jason Jensen and retired Salt Lake Tribune reporter Tom Harvey—initially founded the coalition to help bring awareness to the unsolved 1995 murder of 6-year-old Rosie Tapia. Tapia’s killer cut through her bedroom window screen, entered her bedroom, then sexually assaulted and later drowned her.

“We arose out of a mother’s need for answers 22 years after the murder of her daughter,” Porter said. “Through our efforts, the case was reactivated and is near resolution.”

Other coalition cases include a rape and murder that reopened when they proved the person who confessed could not have been the killer. The coalition’s resume includes locating missing persons, uncovering new evidence, presenting suspect information to law enforcement and finding the location of bodies,

along with working with victim’s families.

“We operate the country’s only nonprofit forensic DNA lab,” Porter said. “We have extensive national and local media contacts. We can often help maximize public awareness of cold cases to help generate leads or help you work with the media directly.”

She continued: “We continue to do everything we can to find a lead and try to package it up and submit it to the police.”

However, Harvey explains several reasons why cases can become closed without resolution, pointing to the example of 16 young women murdered in Utah during the 1980s whose cases remain unsolved. He said it’s common to attribute blame to bad police work, but he noted that investigators are limited by the evidence available at the time.

“Back in the days when there wasn’t any DNA to test, there could be a complete lack of evidence,” Harvey said. “Sometimes, police know who did it and don’t have the evidence to go to court. Sometimes witnesses aren’t cooperative.”

With the encouragement of Tapia’s mother, the coalition has grown to help families connected with nearly all of Utah’s cold cases. Porter said the coalition is regularly contacted by individuals looking for information on their own friends and family members, or wondering about the status of different unresolved cases.

Porter’s interest in cold cases stems from her own family story, with her biological grandfather having been killed by an unknown assailant at a bar in Casper, Wyoming. She and others traveled there to research the case, Porter said, but had to abandon the case after failing to make progress. The coalition plans to release a book about how to work your own cold case in March or April.

Harvey adds that the families of cold case victims can remain emotionally impacted for years. He recalled one interview with a father who broke down in tears while describing the death of his daughter 50 years earlier.

“The situation of not knowing what happened is—hard, hard, hard,” Harvey said. “It’s like the death goes on and on.”

Edgar Reyes—Alejandro Reyes’ brother—agrees with the reality of long-lasting grief. “It stays in your heart, and you think about it constantly,” he said. “We wonder when we will know more. We want answers.”

To that end, the Reyes family is currently offering a $5,000 reward for information leading to an arrest. Harvey adds, “while a lot of such victim’s families learn to live with their grief, still, it nags at them year after year. Some of them are angry. They don’t think law enforcement has done enough on the case.”

Popular true crime podcasts have speculated that people’s fascination with cold cases and murders stems from a hope that if they study crimes enough, they will be better prepared if a murderer comes after them. But Harvey and Porter think there’s a different draw.

“I think it’s more the mystery of it and the danger depicted in them that’s fascinating and repulsive at the same time,” Harvey said. “It’s more like finding a hidden world under our noses that most of us will never experience in person.” He said that a cold case is defined as a death or missing-person case that police

have closed after three years of active investigation. And the availability of DNA testing has made an incredible difference in solving cold cases, he said.

“An Internet search will bring up dozens of cold cases that have been solved with DNA, some from decades ago, and it is constant and ongoing,” Harvey said. “DNA analysis has proven a game-changing tool for cold cases.”

Harvey explains that cold cases are likely to be solved depending on several factors, such as whether the original police investigation was thorough, whether evidence and records were preserved and if the evidence contained DNA that can be extracted and analyzed.

Hoping for Closure

Elizabeth Salgado’s story sounds like a Netflix mystery plot—a gorgeous, accomplished Mexican girl moves to the United States, bringing along her hopes and dreams, until someone mysteriously murders her three weeks later. Salgado disappeared from State Street in Provo on April 16, 2015, after she left a class at the Nomen Global Language School.

During the three short weeks Salgado lived here, she only met a few people. One of them probably killed her, theorizes private detective Jason Jensen, a cofounder of the Cold Case Coalition.

“Her murderer was someone she was familiar with,” Jensen said. “She wouldn’t get in a car with a stranger.”

Jensen also predicts that the killer likely spoke Spanish. On April 12, 2015—four days before Salgado’s death—Jensen says Salgado attended a Latter-day Saints church activity at Kelly’s Grove Park pavilion at the base of Hobble Creek Canyon. Jensen speculates that a member of the church group may have invited Salgado to go up the canyon in the days after the party and attacked her once the two were in a secluded area.

The last text that Salgado’s family received from her didn’t sound like her. “It was out of character,” Jensen said. “We believe her killer could have written it.”

Sgt. Spencer Cannon, a spokesman for the Utah County Sheriff’s Office, said that most missing persons cases are solved within days. “A child who wanders off or a person who is hiking in the mountains or a 17-year-old teenager who stays gone for a while but doesn’t know how to hide well enough are usually resolved quickly,” he said.

Salgado’s body was found on May 18, 2018—more than three years after she disappeared—at the top of Hobble Creek Canyon, miles from where the church activity was held years earlier. A man who pulled off the road to use a remote area of scrub oak as a bathroom called the Utah County Sheriff’s Office to say he had found human remains.

Cannon notes that police often receive calls from people who feel they have found human remains when it is a deer, elk, cow or dog. The man was asked how he knew the remains were human, Cannon said, and he responded that he could see a skull and clothing and sent a photograph to the sheriff’s office.

From left to right: Unified Police Department Sgt. Ben Pender; Utah County Sheriff’s Office Sgt. Spencer Cannon; former Salt Lake Tribune reporter and Utah Cold Case Coalition co-founder Tom Harvey.

COURTESY PHOTO

COURTESY PHOTO COURTESY PHOTO

“If he had stopped 20 yards in either direction, she would still be a missing person,” Cannon said.

Cannon said the Salgado family feels it was something like a miracle that a person found her body in such a remote place. “It’s not an area that anyone would walk by. It’s not even likely for hunters,” Cannon said. “Although her family is grieving a horrible tragedy, finding the body brings some odd measure of relief— they know for sure that she is gone, and they have a place to go to mourn her.”

Still, speculation surrounds cold cases such as Salgado’s, and there are continuing questions and possibilities to consider. Cannon illustrates: “How long was she there? Was she killed at that spot or just moments after being abducted? Did the person who killed her visit the site where she was left?”

Cannon also noted that the area where Salgado’s body was found is managed by the U.S. Forest Service, which uses gates to close off access during the winter and early spring.

“It seems unusual for someone to go there who wasn’t at least familiar with that road,” Cannon said.

Without knowing precisely how Salgado disappeared, the questions continue there, too. “Because there were no reports of a Hispanic woman being pushed into a car, something like that happened in a way where nobody saw it, or it happened in a way that initially appeared to be voluntary,” Cannon said.

Cannon has his own theory for Salgado’s disappearance and death. He speculates that Salgado was possibly walking along the sidewalk toward her apartment when someone she knew—from school or church or her apartment—pulled a car over and rolled down the window. “She leans down to the window and recognizes the person, and maybe she gets in the car voluntarily,” he suggested. “At some point, maybe that connection or social interaction turns bad, and she becomes an unwilling abduction. We have to assume that she was taken against her will because she ended up dead.”

He also noted that investigators never learned who drove Salgado to and from the church activity before her death.

“It would be good to find out about that,” Jensen said. “It’s more than a 20-minute drive from there to her apartment.”

The DNA at the site of her body’s recovery was too degraded to provide sufficient information to connect it to a person. And the man who found Salgado was serving an LDS mission when she was murdered.

“So, he had a good alibi,” Cannon said.

The Utah County Sheriff’s Office identified Salgado through her dental records, Based on the condition of Salgado’s remains, there was no sign of injury, gunshot or stab wound and no apparent indication of strangulation.

“It’s possible, maybe even likely, that she experienced a moment when she realized, ‘this is going to be the end of my life.’ That must have been terrifying for her,” Cannon said, adding that it breaks his heart to think that Salgado—or anyone—would experience that.

Left: A cross where Elizabeth Salgado’s body was discovered. Right: Private detective Jason Jensen has investigated Salgado’s abduction and murder.

Cannon said that sheriff’s detectives remain committed to pursuing Salgado’s case. “In our profession, we’re fixers,” Cannon said. “When we encounter a problem, we look for solutions and do the best we can to solve whatever problem we’re facing. So, it’s incredibly frustrating that, despite our best efforts, we haven’t been able to solve this case.”

Often when someone commits a violent crime like a murder, they’ll share aspects of the incident with someone else. Cannon suggested that a perpetrator’s ego can be piqued when public reporting or the police description of events falls short of their reality, or they’re compelled to confess their remorse.

“Maybe they find God, or maybe they are afraid of going to hell, or they have a case of the guilts and they tell somebody, or they report it,” Cannon said. “It may be something like that that we can hold out hope on, that will give us a solid direction to go in.”

If someone out there has even a partial description or memory of a car they saw on Provo’s State Street that April day, or a recollection of a young Hispanic girl walking with someone on the sidewalk, Cannon encourages them to come forward. “A vague description of a car or a person would be appreciated,” he said.

The Sheriff’s Office went door to door in the area seeking just that sort of information. Cannon advises people who feel they have information to contact police dispatch.

“It’s not an emergency,” he said, “but it could be—if someone knows of somebody who has evidence they are threatening to destroy.” “

What should a person do if they encounter what appears to be human remains? Porter recommends they call the police or, if they don’t feel comfortable doing that, reach out to the Cold Case Coalition tip line. “We get a lot of calls about possible human remains because law enforcement agencies often don’t have time to check those out,” she said. “Because of our lab, we can document and test the bone quickly to see if it’s human or animal.”

Cannon also agreed that information on cold cases might not be the kind of emergency that necessitates a 911 call, but that it is important that any available evidence be collected quickly, by professionals.

“From the moment they’re found, we want the area preserved,” he said, “and to avoid the possibility—however slight—that someone else might come and disturb it, or take a souvenir.”

The isolated area where Salgado was found didn’t match her vision for the future. “Elizabeth heard great things about Utah, and she had this beautiful dream that she wanted to find somebody with the same religious beliefs and marry in the temple of Salt Lake City,” her uncle, Rosemberg Salgado, said. “She wanted to open more doors for herself and be able to progress in her life.” CW

For more information on the Utah Cold Case Coalition or to share any information on these or other cases, visit coldcasehelp.com or call 385-CLUE-313 (385-258-3313).

COURTESY PHOTO COURTESY PHOTO

Party Down

WFH Workplace Comedies

Remember working in an office? These streaming workplace comedies remind us of simpler professional times (and pants).

BY BILL FROST comments@cityweekly.net

Like many of you, I’ve been working from home for three years now. You’re probably also getting emails from the bosses lately, something along the lines of, “Come on back to the office, fam! Don’t you miss the free Red Bulls, foosball and wearing pants?” Nope. I’m firmly in the #WFH4Life camp now, though I do occasionally miss the office (if not The Office). To scratch that itch, here are some of the best workplace comedies you can stream now.

Party Down (Hulu): The original 2009–2010 run of Starz comedy Party Down was barely a ratings blip, but it’s since become a cult favorite. Struggling Hollywood actors and writers toiling away as cater-waiters for successful showbizzers sounds like hell, but the killer cast (which includes Jane Lynch, Adam Scott and Lizzy Caplan) wrings sharp laughs from every miserable event. Starz finally rebooted Party Down last month with the O.G. cast (sans Caplan), which means the Party Down crew are now 13 years more bitter on the job.

Workaholics (Hulu, Paramount+): Capital D-U-M dumb, Workaholics cranked out 86 episodes over seven seasons without ever running dry on idiotic plots. Adam (Adam Devine), Blake (Blake Anderson) and Ders (Anders Holm) live together in a ramshackle Rancho Cucamonga house and “work” at a telemarketing company, but mostly they just get high and concoct ludicrous get-rich-quick schemes; this was pre-crypto currency, BTW. In the tradition of Seinfeld and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, the Workaholics never learned a single lesson.

Corporate (Paramount+): If Workaholics was the most gloriously stupid live-action Comedy Central sitcom ever,

Corporate was easily the darkest. Matt (Matt Ingebretson) and Jake (Jake Weisman) work at a drab and industrially vague megacorporation, and their limited time away from the desk is equally dour—it was Severance before Severance Corporate hilariously satirized every aspect of what used to be IRL office life, including manufactured cashin holidays (like “Remember Day,” a pointed mashup of Christmas and 9/11).

Better Off Ted (Hulu): Like Corporate, Better Off Ted was set at an uber-conglomerate of nebulous intent, though there were occasional mentions of “cow-less beef” and “killer robots.” Corporate cog Ted (Jay Harrington) is a mid-level suit trying to balance his ethics with his company’s evil practices, frequently talking directly to the camera to explain what’s going on. Opposite Ted is his boss Veronica, a cold company shark played to poisonous perfection by Portia de Rossi. Needless to say, ’Merica didn’t take to Ted.

The Larry Sanders Show (HBO Max): It’s hard to believe in these dragons-and-dystopia times, but HBO also used to do comedies, and The Larry Sanders Show (1992–1998) was one of its best. The Garry Shandling-fronted series was set behind—and in front of—the scenes of a latenight talk show, focused on the network power struggles

between host Larry (Shandling), producer Artie (Rip Torn) and, to a lesser extent, sidekick Hank (Jeffrey Tambor). Larry Sanders holds up, especially when you realize that basic white guys still host all late-night talk shows.

Call My Agent! (Netflix): The agents at a French talent agency (led by Camille Cottin) struggle to run the company after the untimely death of their boss (he swallowed a wasp while vacationing in Brazil—perfect). Call My Agent! may be in French (sorry), but the daily stress of enduring client and coworker egos while facing potential financial ruin translates to any language. The celebrities playing hyper-diva versions of themselves are also mostly French, but you’ll recognize some of them (like Monica Bellucci and Sigourney Weaver).

Veep (HBO Max): It’s been said that Veep (2009–2012) was the most profane HBO series since Deadwood (it was me; I said it), with U.S. Vice President Selina Meyer (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) and her staff (Anna Chlumsky, Tony Hale, Reid Scott, and Timothy Simons) trading exceedingly vulgar insults at dizzying velocity. Veep portrayed the inner workings of Washington, D.C., as a perpetual clown car dumpster fire with flag pins, which we’ve come to accept as horrifyingly accurate in 2023 (except now with AR-15 pins). Veep is the last political comedy. CW

Britt Wray: Generation Dread @ Tanner Humanities

It’s more than possible that most of us have considered, while reading the latest piece of climate news, what our lives will look like as time goes on and the world continues to change. And whether or not that consideration launches you into climate grief—a term environmentalists have been using in one form or another since the 1940s—the work of climate and mental health researcher Dr. Britt Wray attempts to show a path forward.

In her 2022 book Generation Dread: Finding Purpose in an Age of Climate Crisis, Wray attempts to get a practical hold on the problem of climate collapse, its effects and how we can actually plan to move forward and keep our sanity in the process. The book comes after the success of her newsletter, Gen Dread, which originated as a response to her own climate grief and concerns (familiar to many young people) about what it means to bring a child into a climate-changed world. Her resulting research, in both the book and newsletter, demonstrates how reining in climate grief and harnessing our mental responses to the uncertain future can actually help us foster hope, stewardship and communal survival strategies.

At the Author Meets Readers series hosted by the Tanner Humanities Center, fans of her work can learn more about Wray’s research and writing processes. This event takes place Thursday, March 2 from 7 p.m. - 9 p.m., at Dumke Auditorium in the University of Utah’s Utah Museum of Fine Arts (410 Campus Center Dr.). It’s free and open to the public, but make sure to register at thc.utah.edu. (Erin Moore)

Pioneer Theatre: Putting It Together

The death of composer Stephen Sondheim in November 2021 left a gaping hole in the American musical theater, but his extraordinary body of work remains. Decades of beloved musical productions generated songs that became staples of the theatrical canon—and Sondheim himself recognized the appeal of those individual songs enough that he participated in the creation of musical revues of those songs not once, but twice. And so, working with director Julia McKenzie, Sondheim updated the 1976 revue Side by Side by Sondheim in the 1990s, developing Putting It Together.

A loose plot structure finds a pair of unnamed couples—one older, one younger—dealing with marital discord and strife, while an omniscient commentator observes their behavior. But that premise is really just a thin scaffolding on which to hang compositions from a dozen Sondheim shows, with memorable tunes like “Hello Little Girl” (Into the Woods), “Lovely” (A Funny Thing Happened On the Way to the Forum), “Putting It Together” (Sunday in the Park With George), “The Road You Didn’t Take” (Follies), the Oscar-winning “Sooner or Later” (from the film Dick Tracy) and show-stoppers from Company like “The Ladies Who Lunch,” “Not Getting Married Today,” “Marry Me a Little” and “Being Alive.”

Putting it Together runs at the Simmons Pioneer Memorial Theatre (300 S. 1400 East) March 3-18, with performances Mondays – Thursdays at 7 p.m., Fridays at 7:30 p.m. and Saturdays 2 p.m. & 7:30 p.m. Tickets are $48 - $72 advance, $5 more day of show; visit pioneertheatre.org for tickets and additional event information. (Scott Renshaw)

ARDEN WRAY

Complete listings online at cityweekly.net

Fem Dance Company: Embrace

As we head into Women’s History Month in March, Fem Dance Company’s new production Embrace looks to draw attention to the occasion. And while it may seem to an outsider that the world of professional dance is a more even playing field than most when it comes to opportunities for women, artistic director

Alicia Ross notes that there’s still work to be done—which is part of why Fem Dance Company exists.

“I do still believe there is gender inequity in the dance industry that needs to be addressed,”

Ross says via email. “Many director, choreographer, and soloist dancer positions are given to men in dance, so Fem Dance stands strongly in providing similar opportunities for women and non-binary individuals. Our goal is not to exclude anyone, but simply to create a platform of professional opportunities that elevate the voices and talents of all women and non-binary individuals.”

The program consists of four pieces:  Xochitl Marquez’s “I am a headache;” Nick Harding’s “Unapologetic;” Christi Harris’s “This Is a Man’s World;” and Ross’s own “Is that me?” “The performance will highlight the courage and power that women express in today’s society,” Ross adds. Overall, it is an evening for us to reflect, recognize, and celebrate women of the past and present.”

Fem Dance Company presents Embrace at the Regent Street Black Box of the Eccles Theater (131 S. Main St.) on March 3 - 4 at 7:30 p.m. Each performances features a a post-show social event including historical information and an opportunity to meet the choreographers. Tickets are $25 general admission; visit arttix. org for tickets and additional event information. (SR)

L.A. Theatre Works: Lucy

Loves

Desi

@ Park City Eccles

Certain figures in popular culture remain fascinating long after their deaths, but recent years have seen a surge in narratives about Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz and their groundbreaking sitcom creation, I Love Lucy.

In 2021, writer/director Aaron Sorkin provided a fictionalized version of the story with Being the Ricardos; last year, actor/ comedian Amy Poehler directed the Sundance documentary Lucy and Desi. The latest touring production from L.A. Theatre Works returns to this story, but from a unique insider perspective.

Playwright Gregg Oppenheimer’s Lucy Loves Desi: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Sitcom again relates the tale of how the husband-and-wife team of Lucille Ball (Ellis Greer) and Desi Arnaz (Bill Mendieta) brought I Love Lucy into being—and Oppenheimer should know whereof he speaks. Gregg’s father, Jess Oppenheimer, was one of I Love Lucy’s original writers, producers and co-creators, and Gregg served as co-writer of Jess’s 1999 memoir Laughs, Luck … and Lucy about his experiences behind the scenes. Making use of that first-hand knowledge, Gregg and L.A. Theatre Works’ unique radio theater-style hybrid production explore how I Love Lucy gave birth to multiple sitcom innovations—despite being a show the network was convinced couldn’t succeed. “This is a comedy about the comedy business,” says Oppenheimer. “It’s a true story, but sometimes it almost feels like an episode of I Love Lucy itself.”

L.A. Theater Works’ Lucy Loves Desi comes to the Park City Eccles Theater (1750 Kearns Blvd.) on Sunday, March 5 at 3 p.m., with tickets $26.50 - $80.50. Visit parkcityinstitute.org for tickets and additional event information. (SR)

HAILEY CAMINIT

MATT PETIT

CINEMA

Family Ties

Two new international films explore messy familial relations.

BY SCOTT RENSHAW scottr@cityweekly.net @scottrenshaw

We didn’t really need Leo Tolstoy to formalize the notion that all unhappy families are unhappy in their own unique way; a whole bunch of folks live that reality daily. But it’s perhaps more relevant to the matter of storytelling that unhappy families are just more interesting—dramatically speaking—than happy ones. Wrestling with the messiness of our closest relationships lends itself to infinite creative possibilities—to the extent that two features opening this month alone both dig into that complicated territory.

The Oscar-nominated Irish drama The Quiet Girl, adapting Claire Keegan’s story “Foster,” is set in an unspecified mid20th-century year, where pre-teen Cáit (Catherine Clinch) is living an all-butinvisible existence as a middle child in a family of soon-to-be six children. With Cáit’s mother about to give birth to her latest baby, Cáit is sent off for the summer to live with Cáit’s cousin Eibhlín (Carrie Crowley) and her husband Seán (Andrew Bennett) on their family farm, forced to connect with people she barely knows.

Writer/director Colm Bairéad effectively establishes Cáit’s status right from the outset—hidden in tall grass like an animal trying to camouflage itself—as well as the emotional hardships she faces, from bedwetting to going to school without a lunch. There’s an oddly nostalgic hue to the way Bairéad shoots scenes that a child clearly shouldn’t remember fondly, but there’s also a keen sense of a kid becoming aware of the things they’re too old to fully comprehend, like the contempt between her

parents and the reality that her dad (Michael Patric) has a mistress.

Clinch’s internalized performance has to carry a lot of The Quiet Girl’s dramatic weight, and Bairéad might be counting a bit too much on silences keeping us engaged (especially when one of the most entertaining scenes involves a town gossip pumping Cáit for information about Eibhlín and Seán’s lives). Nevertheless, there’s a strong emotional punch to the relationships Cáit forms with both Eibhlín and Seán, offering a reminder that the most powerful force in a child’s life is having someone willing and able to fully, completely notice them.

Sandra Kienzler (Léa Seydoux)—the protagonist of Mia Hansen-Løve’s One Fine Morning—is an adult living a life in contemporary Paris, so she faces an entirely different set of challenges from The Quiet Girl’s Cáit. In fact, where Cáit suffers from too little attention, Sandra may suffer from too much: On top of her job as a translator, Sandra has to take care of her daughter Linn (Camille Leban Martins) alone as a widowed single mother, and faces the difficult business of finding care for her father (Pascal Greggory) as a neurological condition diminishes his ability to live independently. And all of that is before she gets involved in a romance with Clément (Melvil Poupaud), a married friend.

Hansen-Løve’s screenplay isn’t exactly filled with earth-shaking incident, so the focus is really on the small details of the character interactions. There’s a wonderfully perceptive scene involving Sandra and Linn quarrelling over their respective reaction to a kid-friendly film they’ve just seen, and plenty of sensitively-handled material as Sandra deals with the emotional fallout from watching her father deteriorate, and having to deal with disposing of all of his possessions.

What the filmmaker and Seydoux capture most effectively, however, is how easy it is for someone whose entire existence is built around making sure other people

have what they need—her professional life as someone necessary for others’ comprehension fits into this idea perfectly—to get completely lost in not recognizing what they need. One Fine Morning turns into an ideal dramatic interpretation of the wellknown airline instruction about needing to put on your own oxygen mask before you can help someone else with their own, as we watch Sandra wrestle with figuring out how to even find an oxygen mask. It’s a rare kind of film that recognizes the times when selfishness is a virtue, and when you need to remove yourself from a situation in order to approach it, ultimately, in the healthiest possible way.

That’s the trickiest part of dealing with

family, both of these movies remind us: understanding the difference between what those we are connected to by blood are capable of giving us, and what we know we deserve. CW

Catherine Clinch in The Quiet Girl

Léa Seydoux and Camille Leban Martins in One Fine Morning

Of Chicken and Champions

Chatting with Chef Viet Pham about his next Food Network competition.

BY ALEX SPRINGER comments@cityweekly.net @captainspringer

One of my first food writing gigs was an interview with Viet Pham after he announced his plans to open Pretty Bird (multiple locations, prettybirdchicken. com), which he now operates with his wife, Alexis. Five years and four locations later, Pretty Bird has become Utah’s preeminent fried chicken destination.

Though you’d think co-owning four extremely popular local restaurants would be enough to keep anyone busy, Chef Pham has put his culinary competition chops to the test on Food Network—most recently, he will be one of the competitors on Guy Fieri’s Tournament of Champions, which kicked off its fourth season on February 19. Considering that it’s Pretty Bird’s five-year anniversary on top of his decision to go head-to-head with chefs from all over the country, I thought checking in with Chef Pham would be a good idea. What’s one more thing on his plate, anyway?

A quick word about Pretty Bird for those who have not followed the fried chicken sandwich wars as closely as I have. It was the first locally-owned Nashville hot chicken spot in town, and since it first opened its doors, we have seen an enormous uptick in the number of fried chicken restaurants along the Wasatch Front. For better or worse, if you’ve enjoyed some fried chicken from a restaurant that opened within the last three years, you’ve

got Chef Pham to thank.

Before cutting his teeth in the restaurant business, Chef Pham was born in Malaysia, and spent his formative years in California. His involvement in our local food scene came at Forage, before it closed in 2016. Forage was one of the first local restaurants to experiment with molecular gastronomy; you never quite knew what you were going to get, but it was always a good time. During his time at Forage, Pham was accepted as a contestant on season nine of Food Network’s Food Network Star, and he has dabbled in competitive, televised cooking since—he is one of the few chefs who can brag about beating Bobby Flay on an episode of Iron Chef America

Despite his numerous appearances on Food Network, Pham chuckles when I refer to him as a “celebrity” chef. “At the end of the day, I’m just a chef,” he says as we chat via Zoom. I’ve always been fascinated with these competitive cooking shows—the strategic thinking and the speed of execution, combined with the nagging thought that you could chop off your own finger on national television boggles my mind. “It’s really a competition against yourself, though,” Pham says. “You’re still trusting your own instincts and cooking how you would cook in the kitchen, only 20% faster.”

For those unfamiliar with how Tournament of Champions works, the contestant roster is divided into coastal brackets, and Pham is one of the West Coast competitors. As the show progresses, each chef works their way through their own bracket, until it becomes a showdown between the West Coast and East Coast champs.

It’s an impressive list of talent—Pham’s fellow West Coast competitors include Antonia Lofaso, Brian Malarkey and Jet Tila. Though it’s a competition, the contestants have been supportive of everyone in their bracket. “We’re all on this group text, and every day I get supportive texts about contestants opening restaurants or celebrating other life events,” Pham says.

Regardless of the supportive atmosphere, the fact remains that competitive cooking shows are designed to test the limits of a chef’s abilities—which is what makes them attractive in the first place. Knowing the difficulties that a show like this throws at a chef, however, made me curious about Pham’s strategy going into this tournament.

“I think one of the most important traits you have to have is confidence,” Pham says. “I’ve learned not to second-guess myself and stick with an idea—the first idea that pops into your mind is usually the one you should run with.” Based on this backstage look at how Pham prepares himself for the heat of competition, it’ll be fun to root for our local chef as he competes—regardless of the outcome, it’s great to have Pham repping for the Beehive State.

Outside of competing on nationally televised cooking shows, Chef Pham is looking for ways to give back to the community.

“Restaurants are always stretching themselves thin, but you have to get to a point where you can give back,” Pham says. “I’m to the point where I want to start giving back.” About a year ago, Pham was diagnosed with lymphoma and, though this struggle has ended on a positive note— he confirms that he’s practically cancer-free—the time he and his wife spent enduring the process has put him on the lookout to contribute to cancer research efforts through the Huntsman Cancer Institute.

Though it’s always fun to have a local chef start making national waves, there’s such a grounded and positive side to Pham’s personality that it makes you believe you can succeed at whatever you put your mind to. He and Alexis have made Pretty Bird into a success, and they’re very good at what they do, but they seem to lack the air of superiority that lesser humans would develop under the same circumstances. Whatever comes next for Chef Pham, we’ll be rooting for him. CW

2 Row Brewing 6856 S. 300 West, Midvale 2RowBrewing.com

Avenues Proper 376 8th Ave, SLC

avenuesproper.com

On Tap: Brunch Beer - Grapefruit Wheat Ale

Bewilder Brewing

445 S. 400 West, SLC

BewilderBrewing.com

On Tap: Gluten Reduced Kolsch

Bohemian Brewery

94 E. Fort Union Blvd, Midvale BohemianBrewery.com

Bonneville Brewery

1641 N. Main, Tooele BonnevilleBrewery.com

On Tap: Peaches and Cream Ale

Craft by Proper 1053 E. 2100 So., SLC craftbyproper.com

On Tap: Whispers of the Primordial Sea - Smoked Pineapple Lager

Desert Edge Brewery

273 Trolley Square, SLC

DesertEdgeBrewery.com

On Tap: Out of Office Pale Ale

Epic Brewing Co.

825 S. State, SLC EpicBrewing.com

On Tap: Tart n Juicy Sour IPA. Fisher Brewing Co.

320 W. 800 South, SLC FisherBeer.com

On Tap: A rotation of up to 17 Fresh Beers!

Grid City Beer Works 333 W. 2100 South, SLC GridCityBeerWorks.com

On Tap: Extra Pale Ale

Hopkins Brewing Co. 1048 E. 2100 South, SLC HopkinsBrewingCompany.com

On Tap: Old Merchant Cream Ale

Kiitos Brewing 608 W. 700 South, SLC KiitosBrewing.com

Level Crossing Brewing Co. 2496 S. West Temple, South Salt Lake LevelCrossingBrewing.com

On Tap: Vienna-Style Lager Trivia: Mondays at 6pm

Moab Brewing 686 S. Main, Moab TheMoabBrewery.com

On Tap: Bourbon & Blonde (Bulleit Bourbon Barrel-aged Blonde Stout)

Mountain West Cider

425 N. 400 West, SLC MountainWestCider.com

On Tap: Wet Hopped Cider

Offset Bier Co 1755 Bonanza Dr Unit C, Park City offsetbier.com/ On Tap: DOPO IPA

Ogden Beer Company 358 Park Blvd, Ogden OgdenRiverBrewing.com

On Tap: Injector Hazy IPA

Policy Kings Brewery 223 N. 100 West, Cedar City PolicyKingsBrewery.com

Prodigy Brewing 25 W Center St. Logan Prodigy-brewing.com

On Tap: It’s Complicated Sour

Proper Brewing 857 S. Main, SLC

ProperBrewingCo.com

On Tap:

ThunderCougarFalconBirdAustralian Sparkling Ale

Proper Brewing Moab 1393 US-191 Moab, Utah 84532 NOW OPEN!

Red Rock Brewing 254 So. 200 West RedRockBrewing.com

On Tap: Gypsy Scratch

Red Rock Fashion Place 6227 So. State Redrockbrewing.com

On Tap: Munich Dunkel

A list of what local craft breweries and cider houses have on tap this week

Red Rock Kimball Junction Redrockbrewing.com

1640 Redstone Center

On Tap: Bamberg Rauch Bier

RoHa Brewing Project 30 Kensington Ave, SLC RoHaBrewing.com

On Tap: Hoomba Bus Fruited IPA

Roosters Brewing

Multiple Locations RoostersBrewingCo.com

On Tap: Identity Crisis Session West Coast Hazy Cold IPA –the name says it all!

SaltFire Brewing

2199 S. West Temple, South Salt Lake SaltFireBrewing.com

On Tap: Fury Kolsch

Salt Flats Brewing 2020 Industrial Circle, SLC SaltFlatsBeer.com

On Tap: “RYE-T” Hand Turn - RYE IPA

Scion Cider Bar 916 Jefferson St W, SLC

Scionciderbar.com

On Tap: 3 Taps: Scion House Release!

Shades Brewing

154 W. Utopia Ave, South Salt Lake

ShadesBrewing.beer

On Tap: Tap & Tarot

Live Music: Thursdays

Shades On State

366 S. State Street SLC

Shadesonstate.com

On Tap: Mexican Lager

Karaoke: Wednesdays

Silver Reef

4391 S. Enterprise Drive, St. George StGeorgeBev.com

Squatters

147 W. Broadway, SLC Squatters.com

Strap Tank Brewery

Multiple Locations

StrapTankBrewery.com

Springville On Tap: PB Rider, Peanut Butter Stout

Lehi On Tap: 2-Stroke, Vanilla Mocha Porter

Stratford Proper

1588 Stratford Ave., SLC stratfordproper.com

On Tap: Yacht Rock Juice Box - Juicy IPA

TF Brewing

936 S. 300 West, SLC TFBrewing.com

On Tap: Edel Pils

Talisman Brewing Co. 1258 Gibson Ave, Ogden TalismanBrewingCo.com

On Tap: Mon Cheri- White Stout with Cherries on regular tap and Nitro

Uinta Brewing 1722 S. Fremont Drive, SLC UintaBrewing.com

On Tap: Was Angeles Craft Beer

UTOG

2331 Grant Ave, Ogden UTOGBrewing.com

On Tap: Lovely Lady Nitro Stout

Vernal Brewing 55 S. 500 East, Vernal VernalBrewing.com

Wasatch

2110 S. Highland Drive, SLC WasatchBeers.com

Zion Brewery 95 Zion Park Blvd, Springdale ZionBrewery.com

Zolupez 205 W. 29th Street #2, Ogden Zolupez.com

OPENING SOON!

Helper Beer 159 N Main Street Helper, UT 84526

Chappell Brewing 2285 S Main Street Salt Lake City, UT 84115

Hazy Shades of Winter

Two turbid beers provide body and flavor.

BY MIKE RIEDEL comments@cityweekly.net @utahbeer

RoHa - Brewers Select [Cloud Seeding]: If you’re familiar with the RoHa Brewing Project, you may be aware of their utilization of expressive malts that lean towards toast and caramel. It works well with American pale ales, but their research & development wing has been able to identify the right combo of malt and hops to find a rhythm in their newest small batch NEIPA.

The head on this one is huge, while the brew itself is turbid and full of depth that is typical of what you’d expect from the style. The nose is chock full of citrus, yeast and dough. Strangely enough, there is a faint bit of bubblegum riding along the notes of melon, pineapple and guava, plus a hint of peppery-ness from the alcohol.

The taste provides a close follow-up to the nose, with a resinous Mosaic hops bite that is no joke. The Citra, meanwhile, brings a lot of the tropics, with a huge dose of grapefruit from the lupin powder. Light malt sweetness with some tangerine mixes on top of the tropicals, but the stars of the show are the tandem of hops that blossom on the middle palate. It leads with tangerine, a bright citrusy taste of oranges and red grapefruit, quickly followed by lime which just as abruptly turns tropical with passionfruit, mango and papaya. Green berry, kiwi and yuzu flavors then turn peppery and moderately bitter on the late palate, as a brisk taste of black tea, verbena and sassafras arises. A clean finish leaves an astringent bit of hops and then poof! It’s gone, leaving just a watering mouth. The feel is rich and velvety, as if there are oats in the mash, while carbonation

is crisp and tingly with a healthy effervescence at first. The weight is heavier than usual, yet remains super quaffable. I love it.

Verdict: A great New England style IPA. I hope it returns down the road, but in the meantime, I’m off to get some more!

UTOG - Hammer Down: This Hefeweizen was a collaboration with the 86th Fighter Wing out of Hill Air Force Base. It pours a slightly hazy pale-to-medium golden-yellow color, with moderate amounts of active visible carbonation rising from the bottom of the glass and moderate burnt orange highlights. The beer has a two-finger tall, sudsy, foamy white head that reduces to a mediumsized patch of moderately thick film; a large patch of slightly mottled thin film covers the remainder of the surface of the beer, with a thin ring at the edges of the glass and light amounts of lacing. On the nose, you get slightly stronger than moderate aromas of wheat malts, with a light hint of grainy sweetness, then faint aromas of citrus/lemon zest and herbal hops.

Up front, there are slightly stronger than moderate flavors of wheat malts, with a light amount of grainy sweetness. It’s followed by light to moderate flavors of citrus/lemon zest and herbal hops, which impart a light amount of bitterness that fades away, leaving a slightly lingering wheat malt/herbal hop flavor. Just shy of medium-bodied, with moderate amounts of carbonation, it’s initially slightly crisp with a slight creaminess towards the finish.

Verdict: This beer is quite easy to drink, with well-hidden alcohol; I enjoy the initial slight crispness in the mouthfeel. The citrus/citrus zest/herbal hop flavors and aromas work well together, resulting in a decent example of the style.

Cloud Seeding is a very small batch. Its 6.5 percent alcohol is spot-on for the style, and it can only be found at their brewery on Kensington Street. UTOG made a little more of the Hammer Down; I imagine the squadron’s bar is filled with it. Look for it at UTOG for now. As always, cheers! CW

MIKE RIEDEL

MIKE RIEDEL

Old world flavor in the heart of Salt Lake

20 W. 200 S. SLC | (801) 355-3891 siegfriedsdelicatessen.com

Chocolate and Cheese Festival

It’s once again time for the Natural History Museum of Utah (301 Wakara Way, nhmu. utah.edu) to host its Chocolate and Cheese Festival, a celebration and deep dive into two of the greatest foods known to man. Workshops that explore cheese tasting basics and perfecting the caramel apple will be presented at the festival, and attendees are encouraged to register for these in advance. Those simply there to enlighten themselves by eating will find plenty of opportunity from vendors like Caputo’s, Beehive Cheese and The Chocolate Conspiracy. The event takes place from March 11 to March 12 from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. on both days.

rib, which comes in combos with Nashville chicken or fried jumbo shrimp. Though this is likely what I’ll be swinging by for, their shrimp and grits and baby back ribs sound phenomenal as well. Homecoming also offers a full bar and plenty of dessert options—these people are speaking my language.

Homecoming Southern Kitchen & Bar Opens

Looks like construction is finally finished on Homecoming Southern Kitchen & Bar (77 W. 200 South, 385-485-5777, homecomingslc. com) a comfort food-inspired gastropub that is shaping up to look like a welcome addition to Downtown SLC. Their lunch menu includes all manner of wonderful sandwiches and bowls that include fried chicken, oysters, pork belly and eggplant. For dinner, it’s looking like Homecoming prides itself on their prime

Sehr Gut! NOW OPEN! 30 E BROADWAY, SLC UT | 801-355-0667 RICHSBURGERSNGRUB.COM

Salt Egg City Opens

Breakfast sandos are served at Salt Egg City (Instagram: @salteggcity), one of the newest additions to ComCom Kitchen (67 W. 1700 South, 801-694-2390, comcomkitchen. com). Open on Friday and Saturday mornings, Salt Egg City is all about adding organic eggs and heritage pork to the traditional breakfast sandwich. At the moment, they’re sticking close to their niche with bacon, egg and cheese or a sausage, egg and cheese sandwiches, along with a tasty avocado toast with pickled peppers and grated eggs on a slice of toasted sourdough. You can also get some hearty house granola along with a plain egg and cheese sando. I’ve never been disappointed by a place that only has a few items on the menu, so I’ll be headed here for breakfast very soon.

Quote of the Week: “I have long maintained that each of us has three chances a day to be happy: Breakfast, lunch and dinner.”

THANK YOU! FOR TELLING US WE HAVE THE GREATEST BURGERS FOR THE PAST 15 YEARS! HERE’S TO ANOTHER 15!

Serving American Comfort Food Since 1930 AS SEEN ON “ DINERS, DRIVEINS AND DIVES”

“In a perfect world, every town would have a diner just

BY ALEX SPRINGER | @captainspringer “Like having dinner at Mom’s in the mountains” -Cincinnati Enquirer

Local Lovelies

Songs from locals you need to add to your library

BY EMILEE ATKINSON eatkinson@cityweekly.net @emileelovesvinyl

If you’re anything like me, you’re always looking for new music to add to your library. Luckily, the local scene is bursting with new, exciting tunes that are more than worthy of joining your collection. This is part one of a long series to come—as there are so many great artists to feature—so stay tuned.

Darling and Debonair, “Pack Light Type”: Dynamic duo Darling and Debonair dropped their first full-length album last year, and it showcases their talent in a major way. Each song on the album was recorded live, their goal being to re-create an experience similar to what you would see at one of their shows. “Pack Light Type” is a sassy song detailing a rocky relationship, performed with an attitude and grit that’s addictive. Darling and Debonair are able to create a full sound with just the two of them and an acoustic guitar. This song will have you singing along in no time, lamenting exes of the past. The album as a whole is perfect for when you’re sitting around with a group of friends, having a drink and a laugh, perhaps around a campfire.

Health Care, “Rushing In”: This young indie rock band has been making a splash since their self-titled debut album dropped in summer 2022. This year seems like it will be even bigger and better for the group, especially if they keep pumping out jams like their latest single, “Rushing In.” Health Care have a deep love for ’90s alternative, and that shines through brightly in their music, especially this new single. Upon pressing play, listeners are greeted with an enthusiastic countdown before a chugging bassline and drums start off. Singer Alley Greer’s vocals are perfectly suited for this type of heavy, ’90s-inspired, fast-paced indie rock; she has a strong voice that’s not drowned out by the hefty instrumentation in the background. “Rushing In” is a perfect song to crank up while speeding down the highway with the windows down.

Kimi K, “Quit Callin’”: When you’re thinking of some of the best R&B in the area, Kimi K is at the top of the list. Scrolling through her Soundcloud profile, you’ll find a lot of music from the soulful songstress over the years, and

she just keeps getting better with time. “Quit Callin’” is off of her self-titled EP that came out in summer 2022, and it’s easy to have on repeat. The song is just so smooth; from the instrumentation to Kimi’s voice, the silky tones will draw you in and keep you there. Pressing play, you get effortless guitar and drums before Kimi comes in singing, “I ain’t got time for this shit,” and it’s easy to relate to. The song details a situationship that many dread: that one person who only calls when they’re lonely, only pays attention when it suits them and keeps you hanging on the side. Anyone who’s ever dealt with this type of difficult relationship will immediately relate. This smooth yet somber track is great for those rainy, or more lately snowy, days when seasonal affective disorder takes over and you need to set the mood.

Cherry Thomas, “BARBEDWIRE”: O-Town native Cherry Thomas has been in the local scene for quite some time, serving up great performances, and more recently, superb singles. If you catch her live you’ll be able to hear some great acoustic tracks, but the singles she’s put out more recently have a beautiful R&B/soul quality to them. Thomas’ versatile voice lends itself well to different styles, and her latest single “BARBEDWIRE” is some of her best work to date. From the moment you press play, you dive deep into a complex and rich experience. The song starts

with a beautiful “Wake up, wake up,” that almost sounds like the beginning of a radio show you might hear when your alarm goes off in the morning. Not a bad way to wake up at all. The four words are peaceful sounding, especially with the layers of harmony happening in the background. The production on this song is exquisite, and Thomas is able to show off her vocal chops with beautiful runs and continued harmonies. This is an essential for fans of R&B/ soul or even pop.

Cop Kid, “Useless”: Gracing the list is another dynamic duo—the delightfully enchanting stereo lovechild of Marnie Proudfit and Boone Hogg, called Cop Kid. They hit us with their latest EP, Cop Kid Greatest Hits, Vol. 3, back in November, and it’s a charming collection of songs that you won’t be skipping through. While each of the five tracks is great, I wanted to highlight “Useless.” It’s a shoutout to all of the late 20-somethings feeling lost as they enter this new phase in life. The chorus hits like a punch, and is relatable on so many levels: “Living to get by / Wasting time / Still haven’t figured it out / How to make up my mind / I’m a punk but I wanna own a house someday / I’m sick of feeling useless,” Proudfit sings. This is a great track that hits you with its lyricism, while at the same time having a sunnier sound in the music that makes you feel like this might just be okay after all. CW

EMILEE ATKINSON

THURSDAYS

FRIDAYS DJ FRESH(NESS)

SATURDAYS POKER @ 2PM DJ DELMAGGIO

SHARK SUNDAYS POOL TOURNEY HOSTED BY JARED AND TANNER

MONDAYS REGGAE MONDAY WITH DJ NAPO

TUESDAYS

WEDNESDAYS KARAOKE

Snuff Tape @ Aces High Saloon 3/4

Formed in 2021, Snuff Tape is a heavy metal group with nü, hardcore and deathcore influences that has been making a splash in the scene since their first single dropped in April 2022. With only two released singles so far, Snuff Tape has been steadily growing their fanbase in SLC, performing with tenacity and all of the heaviness you could ask for. That first single, “Stained Soul,” is just “a smidge” of what Snuff Tape is capable of, according to their website. Their music sounds exactly as you’d expect it to with influences from the genres listed above. Featuring harsh, screaming vocals, weighty guitar tracks and speedy drums, their shows must include insane mosh pits. Their most recent single, “C4,” dropped last summer, and has more of the same. The kick-drum beats are loud, acting like a heartbeat for the brutality that follows. The song drops down to low, spoken words before exploding back into screaming vocals, reminiscent of bands like Korn in the early aughts. Hopefully as 2023 continues, we’ll see more from Snuff Tape; only having two singles published leaves listeners wanting more. At the same time, it’ll make live shows more special, as a place to hear some unreleased tracks from the band. Catch Snuff Tape at Aces High Saloon on Saturday, March 4 at 8 p.m. Tickets for the 21+ show are $12 at aceshighsaloon.com.

(Emilee Atkinson)

Snuff Tape

DANNY BUEHLER PHOTOGRAPHY

By Emilee Atkinson

MUSIC PICK S

By Emilee Atkinson

Cardinal Bloom @ Velour 3/4

Having met in college, music majors Nathan Adair, Jacob Sylvester, Joey St. John and Josh Thomas decided they wanted to do something outside of their studies. Inspired by indie-rock bands of the past, Cardinal Bloom formed, and has been making an impression since. This year is set to be an exciting one for the indie darlings, especially with their latest release, “Under the Oak Tree,” which is a bit of a departure from their earlier work. Since 2019, their music has always had a more melancholy tone to it, giving off sad-boy vibes. This new track marks a bit of a shift, featuring a more hopeful emphasis. “This is kind of our first song that really was happy,” Thomas told Provo Music Magazine in January. “It’s exciting to do something new and uplifting and optimistic. The song tells this story about how things might be rough right now, but they are going to turn around.” The song is indeed a delight to listen to. Immediately listeners are treated to a cheerful guitar lick before upbeat drums kick in and St. John’s gentle-yet-strong vocals enter soon after. This single is some of Cardinal Bloom’s best work yet, and that’s due in part to the bond they share. “There’s like this weird connection,” St. John said. “Like we’re all just a piece of the puzzle. And it feels like if one of us is not there we’re looking for that piece to come back.” Catch this local staple on Saturday, March 4. Ticket price and start time for the all-ages show are TBD at press time, but check for updates at 24tix.com. (EA)

WEDNESDAY, MAR. 1 TYLER GOULD BAND

FRIDAY, MAR. 3 SCOUNDRELS

THURSDAY, MAR. 2 REGGAE THURSDAY

CLARK CLIFFORD

Chiiild, Isaia Huron @ Kilby Court 3/7

Experimental soul artist Chiiild is bringing their beats to SLC to celebrate the release of their latest album Better Luck in the Next Life. Hailing from Montreal, Canada, Chiiild has spent years honing a unique blend of pop, R&B, soul and jazz behind closed doors. Chiiild uses music to tell stories about diversity, ask questions about humanity and unify people over shared personal experiences. Taking influence from music as diverse as D’Angelo, Tame Impala, Pink Floyd and Marvin Gaye, they’ve created an expansive timeless sound that is uniquely genre-bending yet still somehow reminiscent of something you’ve heard, or felt, before. This new album is an in-depth exploration of creative freedom, personal equilibrium and a return home. The introspective track takes listeners on a journey through his world, and is accompanied by a video shot in Chiiild frontman Yonatan Ayal’s hometown of Montreal, that sees him traversing through dark and disorienting surroundings that seem almost larger than life. Joining Chiiild is fellow R&B/soul artist Isaia Huron, who is out celebrating latest release Libbie O2, a follow up to 2020’s Libbie. This young artist has been making lists across the internet, labeled as one to watch in the genre. Huron’s voice is smooth as silk, and his supporting band plays classic-sounding R&B music that’s crisp and appealing. There’s some added electronics/synth for oomph and a modern twist. Catch these suave singers on Tuesday, March 7 at 7 p.m. Tickets for the all-ages show are $20 and can be found at kilbycourt.com. (EA)

MUSIC PICK S

By Emilee Atkinson

Prince Daddy + The Hyena & Drug Church @ The Beehive 3/8

Co-headliners Prince Daddy + The Hyena and Drug Church, both hailing from Albany, N.Y., pull into The Beehive on March 8—likely t-shirt-and-sneaker-clad, undoubtedly ready to cause some good old fashioned ruckus. Drug Church, the post hard-core five-person troupe, enters this tour following the release of their 2022 album Hygiene, a cleverly ironic name for an album that is wonderfully grimy, deliciously filthy and so polished it’s greasy. Like any good thrasher album, Hygiene includes indiscernible yet excitable lyrics, frantic drumming, assertive basslines, expeditious guitar licks and reference to at least one bodily fluid (e.g. “Piss & Quiet”). Yet, Drug Church also tosses in some slightly cheery numbers, with clear, self-assured vocals, borderline-catchy choruses, and alluring bridges. Prince Daddy + The Hyena’s 2022 self-titled album proves easily that these two make for a perfect pairing. Akin to Hygiene, Prince Daddy + The Hyena includes many songs that scream, loudly rush around and, of course, integrate some blasphemy. For those lustful for the element of surprise, Prince Daddy + The Hyena throws in some enticing genrebending within the album, including a wide, whiplashing array of alternative, indie, pop, emo and downright soft sounds throughout. I dare say that March 8 could be a night categorized by so much boisterous pop punk that it raises ghosts of Warped Tours past (RIP). Arrive at 6 p.m. to the all-ages show to catch the openers: Connecticut-based Anxious and the Philadelphia-based Webbed Wing. Tickets start at $22 at 24tix.com. (Sophie Caligiuri)

PUP, Joyce Manor @ The Depot 3/8

Taking influence from punk, especially that of the early ‘00s and ‘10s, PUP and Joyce Manor play with the likes of Fidlar, Blink-182 and The Offspring, while creating a fresh sound so familiar, you can’t believe you haven’t heard them before. A common theme of never getting anything right traces every line these guys put out. Angst is on the frontlines, though excitement about life is the true heart of the show. Joyce Manor provides a mellower sound, while PUP cranks the energy a bit harder. Joyce Manor’s hit “Constant Headache” features subdued dreariness followed by chaotic release; PUP’s higher energy usually revolves around an individual relationship, and does a fantastic job of translating muddled feelings of love into cohesive chaos—insecurity meeting pride, the disbelief at something phenomenal and the relief of enduring the improbable. “Dark Days” is a keen example of PUP’s fusion of past genres and progressive sound, with lyrics like “This winter hasn’t been so rough / Oh, it was cold, but still, it wasn’t cold enough,” and addressing that although challenges present themselves in every relationship, we most often make it through: “We’ve had some dark days / we’re in the thick of it now / and when the ice breaks, there will be no one around.” White-knuckle punk is uplifted by a very palatable Stefan Babcock on lead vocals, while retaining enough energy for longtime genre listeners. They never take themselves too seriously, \ even when discussing the most difficult topics. Mosh to PUP and Joyce Manor, leaders of the alt-punk genre at The Depot on March 8. Doors are 7 p.m. for the all-ages show, and tickets are $32 at livenation.com. (Caleb Daniel)

BY ROB BREZSNY

ARIES (March 21-April 19)

In 1993, I began work on my novel The Televisionary Oracle . It took seven years to finish. The early part was tough. I generated a lot of material I didn’t like. Then I discovered an approach that liberated me: I wrote about aspects of my character and behavior that needed improvement. Suddenly everything clicked, and my fruitless adventure transformed into a fluidic joy. Soon I was writing about other themes and experiences. Dealing with self-correction was a catalyst. Are there any such qualities in yourself you might benefit from tackling, Aries? If so, I recommend you try my approach.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

Two Taurus readers complained that my horoscopes contain too much poetry and flair to be useful. In response, I’m offering you a prosaic message. It’s all true, though in a way that’s more like a typical horoscope. (I wonder if this approach will spur your emotional intelligence and your soul’s lust for life, which are crucial areas of growth for you these days.) Anyway, here’s the oracle: Take a risk and extend feelers to interesting people outside your usual sphere. But don’t let your social adventures distract you from your ambitions, which also need your wise attention. Your complex task: Mix work and play; synergize business and pleasure.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

Astrologer Jessica Shepherd advises us to sidle up to the Infinite Source of Life and say, “Show me what you’ve got.” When we do, we often get lucky. That’s because it delights in bringing us captivating paradoxes. Yes and no may both be true in enchanting ways. Independence and interdependence can interweave to provide us with brisk teachings. If we dare to experiment with organized wildness and aggressive receptivity, our awareness will expand, and our heart will open. What about it, Gemini? Are you interested in the charming power that comes from engaging with cosmic contradictions? Now’s a favorable time to do so. Go ahead and say, “Show me what you’ve got” to the Infinite Source of Life.

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

“Only a lunatic would dance when sober,” declared the ancient Roman philosopher Cicero. As a musician who loves to dance, I reject that limiting idea—especially for you. In the upcoming weeks, I hope you will do a lot of dancing while sober; singing while sober, too. Maybe some crying for joy while sober, as well as freewheeling your way through unpredictable conversations while sober and cavorting and reveling while sober. My point is that there is no need for you to be intoxicated as you engage in revelry. Further: It will be better for your soul’s long-term health if you are lucid and clearheaded as you celebrate this liberating phase of extra joy and pleasure.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

Poet Mary Oliver wondered whether the soul is solid and unbreakable, like an iron bar, or tender and fragile, like a moth in an owl’s beak? She fantasized that maybe it’s shaped like an iceberg or hummingbird’s eye. I am inclined to imagine the soul as a diadem bedecked with emeralds, roses and live butterflies. What about you? How do you experience your soul? The coming weeks will be a ripe time to home in on this treasured part of you. Feel it, consult with it, feed it. Ask it to surprise you!

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

According to the color consultant company Pantone, Viva Magenta is 2023’s color of the year. According to me, Viva Magenta is the lucky hue and power pigment for you Virgos during the next 10 months. Designer Amber Guyton says that Viva Magenta “is a rich shade of red that is both daring and warm.” She adds that its “purple undertone gives it a warmth that sets it apart from mere red and makes it more versatile.” For your purposes, Virgo, Viva Magenta is earthy and exciting;

nurturing and inspiring; soothing yet arousing. The coming weeks will be a good time to get the hang of incorporating its spirit into your life.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

If you are not working to forge a gritty solution, you may be reinforcing a cozy predicament. If you’re not expanding your imagination with fresh perspectives, you could be contributing to ignorance or repression. If you’re not pushing to expose secret agendas, you might be supporting the whitewash. Here’s a further twist—if you’re not peeved about times you have wielded your anger unproductively, you may not use it brilliantly in the near future. And I really hope you will use it brilliantly.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Storyteller Martin Shaw believes that logic and factual information are not enough to sustain us. To nourish our depths, we need the mysterious stories provided by myths and fairy tales. He also says that conventional hero sagas starring big, strong, violent men are outmoded. Going forward, we require wily, lyrical tales imbued with the spirit of the Greek word metis , meaning “divine cunning in service to wisdom.” That’s what I wish for you now, Scorpio. I hope you will tap into it abundantly. As you do, your creative struggles will lead to personal liberations. For inspiration, read myths and fairy tales.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Many astrologers don’t give enough encouragement to you Sagittarians on the subject of home. I believe it’s a perfect time to prioritize your feelings of belonging and your sense of security. I urge you to focus energy on creating serenity and stability for yourself. Honor the buildings and lands you rely on. Give extra appreciation to the people you regard as your family and tribe. Offer blessings to the community that supports you.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

If you are like 95% of the population, you weren’t given all the love and care you needed as a child. You may have made adaptations to compensate for this, but you are still running a deficit. That’s the bad news. The good news is that the coming weeks will be a favorable time to overcome at least some of the hurt and sadness caused by your original deprivation. Life will offer you experiences that make you feel more at home in the world and at peace with your destiny and in love with your body. Please help life help you! Make yourself receptive to kindness and charity and generosity.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Aldous Huxley was ambitious and driven. Author of almost 50 books, he was a passionate pacifist and explorer of consciousness. He was a visionary who expressed both dystopian and utopian perspectives. Later in his life, though, his views softened. “Do not burn yourselves out,” he advised readers. “Be as I am: a part-time crusader, a half-hearted fanatic. Save the other half of yourselves for pleasure and adventure. It is not enough to fight for the land; it is even more important to enjoy it.” Now I’m offering you Huxley’s counsel, Aquarius. As much as I love your zealous idealism and majestic quests, I hope that in the coming weeks, you will recharge yourself with creature comforts.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

Piscean author W. E. B. Dubois advised us to always be willing to give up what we are. Why? That’s how we transform into a deeper version of ourselves. I think you would benefit from his strategy. My reading of the astrological omens tells me you’re primed to add through subtraction, to gain power by shedding what has become outworn. Step one: Identify dispiriting self-images you can jettison. Two: Visualize a familiar burden you could live without. Three: Drop an activity that bores you. Four: Stop doing what wastes your time.

ACROSS

1. Teeming throng

6. Fargo’s state: Abbr.

10. Result of branching out?

14. Unfamiliar

15. East Indies tourist destination

16. “I feel pretty, ____ pretty” (“West Side Story” lyric)

17. Zed?

19. What sirens do

20. Lombardi Trophy org.

21. Dish next to stuffing and cranberry sauce

22. You might sleep on it

23. Security guard’s viewing, for short

24. Ornamental projection on some 1950s

cars

26. Classic name for a poodle

29. Kitchen doohickey

31. Lacking scruples, say 34. Ladies’ man 39. Al?

41. It might get under your skin

42. “____ the Spider” (classic African folk tale)

43. Watering holes in deserts

45. They’re heard in herds

46. Stop patronizing

50. “Let’s ... never do that”

53. Gabrielle of “Being Mary Jane”

54. “Hamilton” won one in 2015

55. 401(k) kin

58. Treats with a cold pack 59. Nelson?

62. ____ classic 63. Hammock support 64. 2016 Nobel Prize in Literature winner 65. Converse alternative 66. “Race Matters” writer Cornel 67. 1865 and 1945, e.g.

DOWN

1. Kathryn of “WandaVision”

2. Singing snowman in Disney’s “Frozen”

3. Small stream

4. 100%, in slang

5. Britannica, for one: Abbr.

6. Award won twice by Giannis Antetokounmpo 7. Häagen-____ 8. Pub pick

11. Fisherman’s spot

12. Three-word question from Judas

13. Mideast’s ____ Heights

18. Tell (on)

22. When repeated, name in 1968 news

23. Wispy clouds

24. Picard’s counselor

25. Health insurance giant

26. Website help sections

27. Sleepyhead’s response

28. Young horse

30. Emmy winner Woodard

32. When some do lunch

33. Unleash upon

35. Hertz competitor

36. What a GOP member might call their pro-immigrant, prochoice colleague, for short

37. “This ____ unfair!”

38. Redding in the Memphis Music Hall of Fame

40. Take five

44. Rent what you’ve rented 46. General Motors brand 47. Promptly

Last week’s answers

The Importance of Earnest

First-time buyers may have never seen a real estate purchase contract (REPC or “Rep-C”) but have probably heard of down payments, earnest money and closing costs.

Lenders can grant you a zero-down mortgage, but a seller is still going to want to see you put skin in the game up front. That skin is “earnest” money and is really often misunderstood by both buyers and sellers. Here’s some clarification that should help:

Earnest money is considered good faith funds—money that is put down before closing on a property to show that you’re serious about purchasing. In some states, it’s common to pay 1% of the asking price as earnest money, but Utah has no common amount.

Technically, a contract doesn’t need earnest money because it becomes binding when the parties agree on terms. I certainly have written many contracts that had no earnest money up front, because it wasn’t required by the parties. But in reality, a seller would probably freak out if a buyer didn’t wiggle some funds in front of the seller up front in the negotiations.

Let’s say the price is $500,000. I would suggest a buyer offer $10,000 earnest money. If there are multiple offers, I might suggest putting the buyer’s cajones on the table and write in $50,000 earnest money to really show the seller how serious they are! But wait! What if the inspection is horrific and you want out of the deal? Will you lose your earnest money? Not if you abide by the contract.

Application Integration Architect (AIA-AP) in Midvale, UT. Guide & ensure projects follow ref architectures, strategic tech stacks, standards & patterns, & dvlp plans to migrate non-standard solutions & manage exceptions. Local telecommuting permitted. MS+3orBS followed by 5 yrs prog rltd exp. Send resumes to Zions Bancorporation at ZionsCareers@ zionsbancorp.com. Must reference job title & code in subject line.

Coupled. We’ve got an Apt. for that!

1 to

Complete the grid so that each row, column, diagonal and 3x3 square contain all of the numbers

No math is involved. The grid has numbers, but nothing has to add up to anything else. Solve the puzzle with reasoning and logic. Solving time is typically 10 to 30 minutes, depending on your skill and experience.

There are four dates in a REPC we pay attention to: 1. the seller’s disclosures to the buyer—things like the title report, liens on the property, plat map and, if a condo, the budget, rules and minutes of the homeowners association; 2. the buyer’s due diligence deadline, for the buyer to inspect the property and go over any information the seller has provided; 3. the appraisal and loan deadline for the buyer; and 4. the closing date of the sale.

Home inspections can take a minute—a normal time to complete them is 10 to 14 days. If the buyer backs out of the contract before the 14 days, the buyer gets all their earnest money returned. If the property doesn’t appraise for the sales price or the buyer doesn’t get final loan approval, the buyer gets their money back.

Once the earnest money check is deposited, it belongs to no one. It sits in escrow until the buyer fails the deal or it’s credited to the buyer at closing as part of a down payment, or returned if it’s a zero-down loan. n

Family Values

Tony Toto and his wife, Frances, of Allentown, Pennsylvania, are celebrating 57 years of marriage, WFMZ-TV reported in a feel-good Valentine’s Day story. “We have been blessed that we had all these years,” Tony said, noting “that one time when we had a rough time.” Yeah, that was the time in 1983 when Frances hired teenaged hitmen five times to kill Tony. “I don’t think I was thinking straight,” Frances said. “It was like it was a love-hate kind of a thing.” Of course, the murder attempts weren’t successful, and Frances and the young hitmen were arrested. She spent four years in prison, but their love never wavered. A feature film called I Love You to Death was made about their troubles, and they became minor celebrities, traveling to movie premieres and giving interviews. Tony and Frances got counseling and committed to better communication, and decades later, have a long marriage to show for their efforts.

The Aristocrats

On Feb. 11, during an intermission at the Hannover State Opera House in Hannover, Germany, ballet director Marco Goecke shocked even himself when he approached the dance critic from the Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung newspaper, Wiebke Huester, and smeared animal feces on her face. The Associated Press reported that Goecke was unhappy with a recent review of a production he staged in The Hague. Following the incident, he took off through the crowded theater lobby. But strangely, Goecke seemed to justify his actions in a later interview, saying that after having his work “soiled for years ... Once a certain point has been reached, I disagree.” The opera house suspended and banned him from the facility until further notice.

Weird Science

People who suffer from chronic constipation now have a high-tech treatment option: a vibrating pill that stimulates the colon, CNN reported. The Vibrant capsule, prescribed by a doctor, is taken at bedtime and reaches the large intestine about 14 hours later. Vibrations cause the gut to contract, moving food along. Eventually, the capsule is eliminated and makes its way to a sewage treatment plant, where it’s sifted out and sent to a landfill. Dr. Eamonn Quigley of Houston Methodist Hospital helped test the new technology. He said most people couldn’t feel it working. “A minority could feel it. None of them felt it was being uncomfortable.” But we’re uncomfortable just reading this.

It’s Come to This

In what prosecutor Owen Beale called an “organized criminal matter,” Joby Pool, 32, pleaded guilty to theft and criminal damage in Kidderminster, England, magistrates court, The Guardian reported. His crime? Pool broke into a warehouse on Feb. 11 and towed away a trailer with about 200,000 Cadbury Creme Eggs, valued at about $37,000. He didn’t get very far; when police stopped him, he “walked toward (them) with his hands up.” “This clearly wasn’t spur-of-the-moment offending,” Beale said. “You don’t just happen to learn about a trailer with that kind of value being available.” The “Easter bunny,” as police dubbed him, will be sentenced in March to about two years in jail.

Bright Ideas

■ In the Germantown neighborhood of Philadelphia, one gas station is employing a dramatic tactic to try to keep people experiencing homelessness away: blasting opera music over its outdoor speakers. WPVI-TV reported that neighbors aren’t fans: “I heard all this music, I couldn’t tell where it was coming from. Loud, it was unbelievable that time of night,” said Clinton Barnes, who lives close by. “I don’t think it’s a deterrent,” said Karen Clark. “They have to find something else.” One neighbor said it was as loud as if someone had “cranked the volume all the way up” on the TV inside their home. Gas station employees refused to comment.

■ Austin Bristoe, 26, of Bloomington, Indiana, was sick and tired of people breaking into his 1998 Buick and stealing stuff, Fox59-TV reported. On Feb. 12, when police responded to a car fire, they found Bristoe just standing next to his burning vehicle, and he told them he set it on fire to stop the thefts. “If there was nothing left of the vehicle, then there would be nothing left to steal,” Bristoe’s logic went. As it burned, the fire caused a small explosion, and Bristoe commented, “I hoped the explosions would be bigger.” After arresting him for arson, they searched him, finding several packed syringes and benzodiazepine.

Suspicions Confirmed

Police in Santa Cruz, California, are warning locals not to “engage” with the Cookie Monster, KION-TV reported on Feb. 15. A man named Adam Sandler (not the actor), known to dress up as “Sesame Street” characters and harass people, has surfaced in Santa Cruz. Resident Sarah Jones said he entices people “to want to take a photo with him,” but as soon as they approach, he flips up his costume head and starts yelling at them. “Based on how dirty his costume was I knew it wasn’t going in the right direction,” she said. Sandler has not been charged with any crimes.

Update

News of the Weird reported last August about a 3-and1/2-foot-tall, 200-pound, bronze statue of the character Dennis the Menace that had disappeared from a playground in Monterey, California. On Feb. 8, Monterey County Sheriff Tina Nieto announced that Dennis had been found in Roberts Lake after authorities received an anonymous tip, the Associated Press reported. They were sure it was the same statue because the thief had cut through one of Dennis’ feet to remove it, and the recovered statue’s foot is damaged. “Today is a happy day!” Nieto gushed.

Weird Fashion

It’s about time! Japanese garment company Takikou has developed a wearable bean bag, Oddity Central reported. “This concept was born out of the idea of a cushion that would allow you to totally let go, anytime, anywhere,” said the company’s Shogo Takikawa. “You can put this on and chill out in your living room or loads of other places.” The bean bag is available in different sizes and colors, but it does weigh about 11 pounds (which might make you want to sit down more often). Prices range from $60 to $119.

Least Competent Criminal

Jose Luis Callisaya Diaz, who is serving a 15-year term in the maximum-security Chonchocoro prison facility in Bolivia, made a bold attempt at escape in February, Fox News reported. Diaz, also known as El Arana (“the spider”), wrapped himself in a sheepskin, got past a wall and crawled through the countryside surrounding the prison in the middle of the night. Juan Carlos Limpias said Diaz “took advantage of the inclement weather to try to escape through one of the walls of the external perimeter of the prison.” He was apprehended after guards noticed he wasn’t in his cell and photographed on all fours in the grass. Perhaps he needs a new nickname: La Oveja.

Unconventional Weaponry

Christopher Gaddis, 41, was holding a cat in his arms when he was approached by Metro Nashville Police officers on Feb. 8, WSMV-TV reported. Gaddis had two outstanding warrants, and officers were trying to arrest him when he shoved the cat into the face of one of them, leaving several cuts on the officer’s hands. Gaddis also kicked the officer. After being treated for his own injuries from the cat, Gaddis was charged with resisting arrest and assaulting an officer.

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