City Weekly May 4, 2023

Train Me Out to the Ballgame

BY ROB TRISHMAN

A Utah sports fan scouts the performance of venue transit service.

S AP

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“Walk Around the Clock,” April 26 Online News

Saving pedestrian and cyclist lives is like the weather: Everybody talks about it but nobody does anything about it. Each day, 19 U.S. pedestrians and cyclists will die because a brainwashed driver could not stop in time—the equivalent of another mass shooting. And like the mass shootings, we will cry and pray but do nothing about the cause.

There are organizations who could do something about it. They are the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration

(NHTSA), Governors Highway Safety Association (GHSA), and Transportation Research Board (TRB)—all government agencies that claim to care about these deaths but which refuse to run the studies that would show us how to reduce these deaths. If you really do care, petition your state governor to force our leaders to act.

TREVOR FRITH

Via Facebook

Change Main Street to full walkable! I agree with this 100 percent.

APLUSANDMINUS

Via Instagram

So insane. Make drivers pay for the road then close it down? Traffic is bad enough as it is.

TODD MCGARVEY Via Facebook

The summer months are perfect for closing Main Street to cars. Can we not make it happen this year?

LEWTAH

Via Instagram

Walkable cities are the future.

UNITEUTRNS

Via Instagram

Your city is rife with poverty, homelessness and an ever increasing murder rate. But hey, let’s focus on taking cars off of the roads! That’s the most important issue, right?

Salt Lake City is an embarrassing s--tstain on our state.

TRENT S. FREDRICKSON

Via Facebook

As a longtime business owner on Main Street, I can confidently say that closing the street to cars was not helpful. It resulted in fewer customers and made deliveries from our vendors almost impossible. Not to mention the horrible looking barriers running down the entire middle of the street.

Our sidewalks are over 20 feet wide. There is absolutely no need for extra foottraffic areas.

DEL VANCE

Via Facebook

Now this is something I can get behind. Leave the cars at home.

BIGBABYJEEK

Via Instagram

Where will the cars go? The traffic is horrid as it is now. Why make it worse?

ALLENE DOTSON

Via Facebook

#bancarsdowntown

CODYSHAWNELDRIDGE

Via Instagram

Correction: In “Best of Utah: Body and Mind” (April 27, City Weekly), John Graham DDS, of Graham Orthodontics, was the third-place winner for Best Orthodontist. Graham’s first name shown in the print edition was incorrect. The error has been corrected online.

Care to sound off on a feature in our pages or a local concern? Write your letter to comments@ cityweekly.net or post your thoughts on our social media. We want to hear from you!

THE WATER COOLER

If you could eliminate one thing from the world thing, what would it be?

Benjamin Wood

Parking minimums. Runner-up? Singlefamily zoning.

Bill Frost

“In God We Trust” license plates. The so-called “drivers” who have them really seem to be in a rush to meet him.

Kelly Boyce

The easy choice for me is organized religion. I want people to enjoy life and live it to the fullest without constraints!.

Wes Long Greed.

Scott Renshaw

Binary thinking. Virtually everything that sucks in contemporary life can be reduced to people unwilling or unable to appreciate complexity, reducing issues to good/evil, right/wrong, black/white attitudes. We’re slaves to the simpletons.

Bryan Bale

Superstition would be near the top of my list, because I think it’s been a great detriment to humanity’s progress. Also near the top of my list are greed, apathy and willful ignorance. But even worse than that is cruelty. I think the world would be a better place if we could replace malice with empathy.

PRIVATE EYE Best Mules

If there’s one thing we Utahns like above all else—other than fighting over which are the best ice cream flavors, cookie franchises, football teams (bite me, Zoobs) and porn sites—it’s that we unite and come together as one to rejoice that we are loved and adored by non-Utahns. We hate it when they mock our saccharine ways and silly traditions, but we relish it when they say nice things about us. Today is no exception to the latter.

The latest state rankings by U.S. News & World Report released just in time for the spring floods to properly announce the greatness of our recent historic snowfall—places Utah as the No. 1, ultimate, nobody-does-it-better-than-us Best State in America. Several things are not known at this point, however. One, do those rankings include states in the Central and South Americas as well, or just the best of the United States of America?

It’s a sniggling point, but it remains notable in that when we use the word “America,” our exceptionalism allows us to forget that we aren’t the only place on the globe that derives its name from the Italian explorer and cartographer, Amerigo Vespucci. Vespucci did most of his exploring south of the equator, so it’s only fair that Central and South America not be excluded from a ranking of their own states: such as Bahia in Brazil, which just 59 years after Vespucci ventured there, notably established the first slave market in the New World.

That was a full 300 years before early pioneers even arrived in the Utah Territory. If they are still allowed to teach it in Utah public schools—Utah’s version of CRT is not Black, but brown—then future generations will know what happened next.

Did the list consider Managua, Nicaragua? Actually, what we call a state here is termed a “department” in Nicara-

BY JOHN SALTAS @johnsaltas

gua, but certainly Managua has its share of winnable assets. Among those is it being the birthplace of noted human rights activist Bianca Jagger, wife of Mick. Surely that counts for something.

However, contributing to world good was not a metric on the U.S News & World Report rankings. That focused mostly on a states’ fiscal stability, education, natural environment and health care. But, as they say, “You can’t always get what you want.”

I might get a quarrel from my friend, Steve Conlin, formerly of the Five Wives Vodka empire, that his new home in the Commonwealth of Puerto Rico should be counted as a state for the purpose of this ranking. As well, Salt Lake Tribune Publisher Paul Huntsman might argue that his own favored basecamp in the unincorporated territory of Guam should be a rankings candidate.

I’m certain both Puerto Rico and Guam could rank ahead of several states, particularly several southern United States. For example, Louisiana does squat when it comes to damned near anything, sitting solid as the 50th Worst State (52 counting Puerto Rico and Guam). Arkansas, Alabama and Mississippi aren’t far behind. Wayda go, Confederates.

What exactly is U.S. News & World Report, anyway? I jest. I do remember an era, and fondly so, when the likes of that magazine plus Time and Newsweek comprised the big trio of “go-to” resources for updates on national and international matters. Truth is, I’d forgotten about all three of them of late, they seemingly being of little consequence when it comes to moving the needle of public opinion these days.

If there are 10 citizens who subscribe to U.S. News & World Report in all of Utah, I’ll buy each of them a platter of fish and chips at the Green Pig Pub. That even includes Gov. Cox, who, assuming he is a U.S. News & World Report subscriber, would have the added ammo he needs for next year’s rankings issue, when Tastiest Fish & Chips is added to the metrics that measure the best of our 50 or 52 states.

Which reminds me. There is another category that, if we Utahns can rally behind, will secure us a forever ranking as the Best State in All of the Americas—North, South and Central. That category is “Best Mules.”

I’m not talking about the mules that used to work alongside Utah’s farmers and miners back in the olden days. Nor about the mule who does the dirty work of transporting drugs, often across international borders.

Corporate and special interest muling is now the primary calling for our elected officials. Is there a more full-throated mule than Sen. Mike Lee, who mocks the Constitution he so loves by doing the conspiratorial dirty work for the likes of an integrity-stained Supreme Court Justice like Clarence Thomas? According to Lee, Thomas is “the most influential justice our country has ever seen.” Huh? There is also Lee’s buffoonery work on behalf of the ethically challenged Donald Trump, aka “Captain Moroni.” He’s no saint, Mike.

How about Rep. Burgess Owens, who carries the water for all things against transgendered people? It’s his favored cause on the bigoted battering ram that is Twitter.

Or Sen. Mitt Romney, who accepted $13 million worth of mule work for the National Rifle Association while running for president. Utah averages about 400 deaths annually from firearms.

You do the math to determine what Mitt is paid for each one—but then multiply that number for how many deaths occurred in Sen. Marco Rubio’s Florida in the same period (2,449) and you see that the NRA got a real bargain in Mitt. Poor Rubio only got $3 million.

Our guys in the House and Senate really deliver for their benefactors, and at frugal Utah prices. That’s what I mean by saying that we have the Best Mules Money Can Buy. When U.S. News & World Report adds that metric, Utah will hold the No. 1 spot forever. CW

Send feedback to john@cityweekly.net

KATHARINE BIELE | @kathybiele

MISS: “Woke” BYU?

The thing about Elon Musk’s extreme free-speech platform is just that—it’s extreme. But Utah Sen. Mike Lee seems to like the indiscriminate nature of Twitter and the far reach of its tentacles. If it makes him feel powerful, it’s a power without forethought or dignity. Lee apparently wanted to make a statement about the horrors good Mormons face dealing with transgender kids. And Brigham Young University professor Sarah Coyne felt the sting after Lee retweeted something from the Cougar Chronicle, which referenced her talking in class about her 8-yearold transgender child,The Salt Lake Tribune reported. “Commonplace at most universities, but at BYU?” Lee asked. That evoked hostile online bullying calling for her firing, blaming leftist ideology and “The woke/Satan mind virus has been allowed to take over/ infiltrate BYU.” Lee kind of trolls BYU and even worries about it being “semiwoke.” There’s no risk of Lee being labeled woke—or caring. Students, however, started a petition backing Coyne. That’s called empathy.

HIT: It’s Raining Mud

Remember that dirty rain? The weather service said it came from the Salt Flats and West Desert, where a shrinking lake is serving up a dry soup of toxic dust. Neighbors on the Nextdoor website asked what the “gray stuff” was falling and messing everything up. “PM2.5 from the dry lakebed, which is now more than 60% exposed due to low water level. High arsenic content, so make sure to keep your indoor filters on, and masks on your kids,” one replied, adding that if we’re not going to preserve the Great Salt Lake, we’d better get used to the effects. Fox13 News and the Great Salt Lake Collaborative sent reporters to Israel, one of the driest countries in the world, to examine how it turned things around and now has a surplus of water. A team of 15, including two lawmakers, traveled to the country and could bring back solutions, if officials pay attention.

MISS: Prison Break

It’s no wonder people stay away from the news these days. It’s just too depressing. The Trib’s Bryan Schott visited the Utah Republican Party’s organizing convention to return with one of those revelations. Conspiracy theorists not only exist, they are increasingly emboldened and multiplying as they suck in the gullible masses. Our meek Gov. Spencer Cox got a taste of it there when Jason Preston corralled him and accused him of promoting “smart cities.” Preston was a far-right and failed congressional candidate who hosts something called the “We Are the People” podcast. If you don’t know about smart cities, they are planned communities that allegedly “imprison” people in the small areas around their homes. In non-conspiratorial circles, they’re called “walkable cities.” But however you think about it, Cox was not amused and even struck out with an uncharacteristic “You don’t get to make up shit about me.” And yet that’s what conspiracists do best—make stuff up.

Laundry Day

Since moving to a home with its own washer and dryer hookups, I haven’t thought much about laundromats. Sure, I’ve visited occasionally to do my annual washing of oversize comforters, but the once regular ritual of lugging my dirty clothes around town has gone by the wayside.

Can’t say that I miss it much, though. I have the smell of uncomfortable freshness from washrooms deeply ingrained in my memory, and I still cringe at all the casual small talk that inevitably takes a weird turn. That last point is probably why, when you read the Google reviews of any of the selfservice laundry facilities around town, they always stress the “quietness” or how they are the “best place to do laundry in peace”—a third space, the laundromat is not.

But they are interesting places. I’ve always been charmed by the mural on the exterior of Liberty Coin on 1300 South and 300 East (above photo). Although located at the same intersection as the internet-famous Fun Time Kidz Kare, I feel like this surrealist image of angelic washers flying over the GSL is the true star of the area.

The same artist (who you can find on Instagram @riktor_100) also painted the interior of the 4th Street Laundry on 400 East off of 1700 South. The red rock landscape is quite impressive, especially considering it was painted with mini-rollers and standard house paint more than a decade ago.

The Rose Park Coin Laundry—ironically located in Fairpark at 1315 W. 500 North—is distinctly memorable due to their humorous marquee signs out front. “Laundry Today or Naked Tomorrow” is what was displayed when I swung by recently to take a photo.

But even the humble coin laundromat is not immune to today’s financial realities—a quarter just isn’t worth what it used to be. I’ve noticed a downswing in the facilities in SLC, most recently the closing and emptying out of Sunshine Laundromat on 1100 East and Harrison Ave (below photo).

It’s hard to envision a time that a self-service laundry won’t be around. A washer/dryer in every home would be utopian, and even the most advanced AI can’t fold a shirt well. Yet. CW

Washing machines soar through the sky in a mural adorning the Liberty Coin self-service laundromat.

machies

The Best New Sci-Fi of 2023 (So Far)

The year is off to a great start with new streaming sci-fi series of the non-Star Wars or Trek bent.

BY BILL FROST Caption: comments@cityweekly.net

To paraphrase the classic Conan O’Brien bit, (falsetto melody) “In the year 2000 … and 23,” science-fiction TV is alive and well. Here are seven new series to prove it.

Slip (The Roku Channel): Content-butbored wife Mae (Slip creator and director Zoe Lister-Jones) has a one-night stand with a stranger, and then wakes up married to him in an alternate-but-familiar reality; it’s Everything Everywhere All at Once with orgasms. Lister-Jones masterfully, and frequently nakedly, balances dimension-jumping absurdity with a heartbreaking longing to get back to her own reality, even if she has to have sex with multiple multiverse randos (including Schitt’s Creek’s Emily Hampshire) to get here. Slip is a smart indie sci-fi flick split into seven perfect episodes.

Mrs. Davis (Peacock): It’s been compared to Westworld, Preacher, Monty Python, vintage Chuck Jones cartoons and show creator Damon Lindelof’s own Watchmen, but Mrs. Davis is its own, wholly original thing. In a world obsessed with/enslaved to AI program Mrs. Davis (basically a holy trinity of Siri, Alexa, and ChatGTP), non-abiding nun Sister Simone (Betty Gilpin) must find the Holy Grail to shut it down—oh, and Mrs. Davis sent her on this mission. It’s sometimes too clever and loony for its own good, but at least Mrs. Davis isn’t another re-re-reboot.

The Ark (Syfy, Peacock): Dean Devlin’s The Ark is as comfortable and lived-in as Mrs. Davis is wildly weird: With Earth on the edge of extinction (too soon—or, more realistically, too late), Ark 1 is on a planetary colonization mission that’s interrupted a year early by a mysterious, catastrophic event. The surviving crew—made up of the most really, really, really ridiculously good-looking people in space—rally to continue the mission, but there are bad actors (and, spoiler, other Arks) in the mix. The Ark isn’t much more than a Lost in Space riff, but it works.

The Big Door Prize (Apple TV+): When a vending machine called Morpho mysteriously appears in a small town grocery store, promising to dispense anyone’s “true destiny” for a buck, the townsfolk eagerly embrace their new life trajectories. Well, not all of them: Dusty (Chris O’Dowd), a newly-40 high-school teacher prone to whistling, receives a Morpho card reading simply “Teacher/Whistler,” while

Habitat for Humanity Women Build Week

May 8-13,2023

We are inviting our supporters to participate in a week of celebrating women in construction. We will be holding 6 days of volunteering called ‘Women Build Week’. Volunteers will participate in not only construction service but also various activities and fun.

Kendra Scott will be partnering through their Give Back days, donating 20% of sales to SLV Habitat for Humanity. We will also be doing give-aways and opportunity drawings throughout the week.

Please email kathryn@habitatsaltlake.com with any questions you may have.

his wife gets “Royalty.” There’s no Black Mirror hand of doom hanging over The Big Door Prize, just feel-good quirkiness in the vein of The Good Place.

The Power (Prime Video): Teenage girls are scary enough; what if they all suddenly gained the power to electrocute you at will? That’s a game-changer to upend the balance of patriarchal power (see how the title works on two levels?) worldwide.

The Power, based on Naomi Alderman’s bestseller, is lucky enough to star Toni Collette, an actress who can ground even the most out-there premise (see: United States of Tara), which is invaluable in a scifi series that opens with “Every revolution begins with a spark” (ugh). Big potential here that needs a second season.

Citadel (Prime Video): The Russo Brothers (Captain America: The Winter Soldier and Avengers: Endgame, I guess) were given a budget nearly on par with Prime Video’s Lord of the Ring series, and a star who’s been

on the cusp of The Big Breakout for years (Priyanka Chopra Jonas). The result is Citadel, an international good vs. evil sci-fi spy thriller that delivers mad action, sexy intrigue and even Stanley Tucci (everything’s better with Tucci). The Bourne-ready flash and flare distracts well from meh co-lead Richard Madden (Game of Thrones), a.k.a. Dollar Store Armie Hammer.

Fired on Mars (HBO Max): If you’ve ever relocated for a job only to be laid off and stranded in an unfamiliar city, you may be able to relate to Fired on Mars (in the future, no one’s figured out interplanetary remote work). After he’s bounced from corporate startup Mars.ly, graphic designer Jeff (voiced by Luke Wilson) is stuck in an “office colony” on the red planet with no prospects and no way home. It looks like a comedy, but Fired on Mars is slow and dark, filtering the soul-crushing mundanity of corporate life through an animated sci-fi lens. Fun! CW

Zoe Lister-Jones in Slip

HAZE MAT & Sara Serratos @ Finch Lane Gallery

Finch Lane Gallery boasts a long history of presenting unique, challenging work to the public. That tradition certainly continues with two new offerings running throughout the month of May, showcasing local artists willing to take on sacred cows.

HAZE MAT—a collaborative project of sculptor/performer

Patrick Winfield Vogel and artist

Albert Abdul-Barr Wang—presents Supreme Clientelemental (AAYYZEMM-AATT) never ready to wear, an exhibition they describe as a “Neo-Marxian science-fiction printmaking and performance project.” Through the use of performance, paintings, fabric-based printmaking, photography and more, the creators take on the fashion industry by finding the weirdness in the consumption of clothing.

Running concurrently with the HAZE MAT show is work by Salt Lake City-based artist Sara Serratos, titled Mystic tongues and ears struggle with our structured brain. A native of Nahua land in Mexico, Serratos investigates her own experience as a migrant and observing new customs, new accents, new music, new handwriting and more. The artist describes the exhibition as asking the question, “What happens when somebody moves between cultures and starts their life over again?,” continuing an artistic mission of exploring language, landscape, inhabitable places, notions of racial construct and more.

Supreme Clientelemental (AAYYZEMM-AATT) never ready to wear and Mystic tongues and ears struggle with our structured brain both run at Finch Lane Gallery (54 Finch Lane) through June 8. The gallery is open Tuesdays 9:30 a.m. – 8:30 p.m., and Wednesdays-Thursdays 9:30 a.m. 5 p.m. Visit saltlakearts.org for additional event and venue information. (Scott Renshaw)

Impractical Jokers @ Maverick Center

TV trivia buffs may remember a popular 1960s show called Candid Camera, which featured host Allen Funt cooking up implausible situations intended to catch his innocent victims offguard. It laid the groundwork for the latest incarnation of a hidden camera television show, truTV’s ever-popular Impractical Jokers, which marks its tenth season this year. In this case however, the element of embarrassment is heightened to an outrageously absurd degree, even though the cast of pals and participants know what they’re in for.

At the beginning of each episode, a cast member, or so-called “joker,” is given a thumbs-up or thumbs-down based on his performance in a competition that veers from silly to stupid. The loser is then forced to engage an unsuspecting bystander in a decidedly bizarre scenario, one intended to humiliate the joker and delight the other cast members as they watch their pal make a fool of himself as punishment for his failure.

Q, Murr and Sal, the creators and stars of this improbable show, are taking their ignoble exploits on tour, allowing audiences to experience that sick humor for themselves. It’s not quite guilt-free entertainment, but the fact that Impractical Jokers ranks as a top five cable comedy and the network’s longest-running and top-rated original comedy may say something about the maniac and masochist in us all.

The Impractical Jokers Drive Drive Drive Drive Drive Tour comes to Maverick Center (3200 S. Decker Lake Dr., West Valley City) on Friday, May 5 at 7:30 pm. Tickets cost $40 - $90.50. Visit ticketmaster.com or phone 801-988-8888. (Lee Zimmerman)

Utah Opera: The (R)evvolution of Steve Jobs

Historically, the creators of operas have been drawn to epic figures and epic themes— gods and goddesses, kings and queens, and the consequences of their desires and follies. So it’s not surprising that a contemporary opera might look to a modern figure with a similar, almost mythologized story: Steve Jobs, the late-cofounder of Apple. Composer Mason Bates and librettist Mark Campbell turned him into the center of The (R)evolution of Steve Jobs, which premiered with the Santa Fe Opera in 2017.

According to Bates’ production notes for that original performance, Jobs was something of a natural compelling subject for an operatic tale. “Many of us want to change the world,” Bates writes. “Steve Jobs did. An enigmatic public figure, he could be magnetic yet unapproachable, empathetic yet cruel, meditative yet restless. He helped connect us all while building a firewall around his own emotions. At the heart of this world premiere is the story of a man who circles back to the formative events in his life while learning to acknowledge his own mortality.” The (R)evolution of Steve Jobs conveys that story with a distinctive approach in which the central character (played by John Moore) never leaves the stage; “The world must come to him,” one production note for the show states.

Utah Opera presents its local premiere of The (R)evolution of Steve Jobs at the Capitol Theatre (50 W. 200 South) for five performances May 6 – 14; dates and showtimes vary. Tickets are $12.50 - $25, available via arttix.org along with a schedule of performance dates. (SR)

COURTESY PHOTO AUSTIN OPERA

Philip Plait: Under Alien Skies

Dr. Philip Plait has willingly taken on the designation of “The Bad Astronomer”—but don’t mistake that title as indicative of a failure of scientific rigor on his part. On the contrary, the name comes from the title of his 2002 book Bad Astronomy, in which he addresses hoaxes, frauds and misconceptions about astronomy, ranging from astrology to the moon landing. In a laypersonfriendly approach—impressive considering his bona fides as a member of the Hubble Space Telescope team—Dr. Plait has taken to making the vastness of the cosmos accessible and understandable.

His latest book, Under Alien Skies, continues that sensibility as he presents—as indicated by the book’s subtitle—“a sightseer’s guide to the universe.” That includes letting readers know what it might be like to peer into the unimaginable void of a black hole, or to look down on the rings of Saturn as a space traveler. The lively, entertaining writing brings you up close and personal with asteroids, planets and distant stars.

Dr. Plait visits Salt Lake City for two events this week. On Friday, May 5 at 6 p.m., he presents one of the keynote addresses celebrating the 20th anniversary of Clark Planetarium (110 S. 400 West); tickets are $20 - $25, with discounts available for Planetarium members, and a book-signing opportunity at the end of the event. On Saturday, May 6 at 2 p.m., Dr. Plait comes to The King’s English Bookshop (1511 S. 1500 East) for a reading and participatory experience including afternoon stargazing; this event is free and open to the public. Visit kingsenglish.com for additional information. (SR)

MARCELLA SETTER

Train Me Out to the Ballgame

A Utah sports fan scouts the performance of venue transit service

BY ROB TRISHMAN comments@cityweekly.net

Riding the rails to a sporting event goes back to some of both transit and baseball’s earliest days. It even generated one team’s iconic moniker.

According to MLB.com, baseball’s Los Angeles Dodgers take their name from the franchise’s former home in Brooklyn, New York—particularly around 1896 when fans had to “dodge” New York City’s trolleys on the way to a game.

But this sports fan’s relationship with taking transit to the ballpark started during college days in Philadelphia, riding the SEPTA Blue and Orange Line subways to watch the Phillies complete a three-game sweep of the New York Yankees in 1997.

Since then, I’ve had the chance to watch America’s pastime hopping the Coaster to Anaheim, a San Francisco BART train and the San Diego Green Line Trolley.

Here at home, the recent NBA All-Star Weekend in Salt Lake City saw the Utah Transit Authority (UTA) offering 10 days of free fares for all Wasatch Front bus and train routes. It was, to borrow the words of legendary NBA announcer Marv Albert, “a spectacular move!”

While it raised some discussion about waiving fares permanently, that’s a subject for another day. However, I began to think about different ways that Utahns can take advantage of transit service to a sporting contest.

Utah’s capital city and its surrounding areas boast robust transportation options for sports fans, with various modes of transit available to get around that I’ve made use of in my own excursions to games. Sports fandom has sent me on UTA light rail to Real Salt Lake and to University of Utah events (park-and-ride stations are your friend). And even though I live a 15-minute walk from Vivint Arena, I can cut that trip in half by riding the TRAX Green Line one stop on colder nights after a Jazz game.

So, how easy is it to get to Utah’s various sporting venues by train or bus? To

that the Wasatch Front transit network is sending signals to ride like a third-base coach, with stations that have the names “Arena,” “Ballpark” and “Stadium.” And making a game ticket count as transit fare—which UTA does often—is another winning combination.

Ideally, the less that sports fans have to drive, the better—saving them both the monetary and emotional costs of finding parking. Also ideal is reducing gametime vehicle traffic as much as is feasible. Any alleviation makes the area surrounding a stadium safer—and more vibrant—with fewer logjams.

So, as the broadcasters say, “Let’s see how these teams stack up.”

profile team also boasts the highest number of transit connections going to games.

Analogy relevant to the sport: A team that makes those extra passes and puts players in position for high-percentage shots. This is a deep bench that gets buckets at close range, mid-range and longdistance. Having that dedicated Arena TRAX stop is a slam-dunk.

Suggestion: Closing South Temple to vehicle traffic between 300 and 400 West was a nice touch during All-Star Weekend. It created a comfortable space for pedestrians to cross the streets near the Arena without worrying about traffic—call it “setting a screen” for the hoops fans. One could make a case for this block to be temporarily closed to traffic during any arena event. It’s not very convenient to drive through anyway.

Grade: A

Utah Jazz (301 W. South Temple)

Transit options: Many, and the closest TRAX stop is even named “Arena,” which makes it a good hard sell.

The TRAX Blue and Green lines go through this stop, so fans can travel directly from Draper or West Valley—and everything in between—or transfer from Daybreak at Courthouse Station. Plus, it’s getting easier with higher-frequency trains to take FrontRunner either to Salt Lake Central or the North Temple Station and from there hop on TRAX for a short ride to the game (it’s not too far a walk from North Temple, either, on goodweather days).

Several bus lines can also get you within a couple of blocks of Vivint Arena, or to the aforementioned TRAX stations. With its

Real Salt Lake (9256 S. State)

Transit options: A bit limited. Your best bets are the TRAX Blue Line and the 201 bus on State Street—but both yield what isn’t the shortest or most pleasant walk to America First Field.

It’s a bit baffling that the east side of the stadium sits on a major state highway, but UDOT doesn’t include a dedicated space for bus riders as close to the stadium as possible (which would encourage RSL fans to take that mode of transit). And the highfrequency 200 bus stops short of Sandy, requiring a transfer to the less-frequent 201 bus to finish the trip down State.

Murray Central Station is a key spot

far north as Ogden and as far south as Provo can ride FrontRunner (including parkand-ride stations along the way) and link with the Blue Line to Sandy Expo Station, one of the best-designed stations in the TRAX network. Murray Central would also be a great spot to hop on the 201 bus if it ran at 15-minute intervals and if the route along State Street were more attractive.

Analogy relevant to the sport: Incredible potential and buildup, but this is a club that needs better attacking and finishing in the final third. I’m left with the same feeling I have as a fan of Everton FC in the Premier League. Don’t be so afraid to put the ball on frame.

Suggestion: Dedicate a bus-boarding space on the State Street side of America First Field as well as a shuttle bus before and after matches to and from the South Jordan FrontRunner station for fans coming from points south. Also, a pedestrian bridge over a very fast and busy State Street is worth considering, especially from the TRAX station and a nearby parking area to the east that is designated for stadium events.

Grade: C+

Salt Lake Bees (77 W. 1300 South)

Transit options: The location is about to change, but there’s still one more season in the city to see some minor league baseball. The Bees are the only Wasatch Front franchise to have a stop served by all three UTA TRAX lines—Green, Red and Blue—so fans can park and ride from all over the valley to Smith’s Ballpark or simply hop on if they live near the rail lines.

However, the walk between Ballpark

A Red Line TRAX train arrives at Stadium Station on the University of Utah campus.

BENJAMIN WOOD

COURTESY PHOTO

COURTESY PHOTO

COURTESY PHOTO

9275 S 1300 W 801-562-5496

glovernursery.com

station and the ballpark itself is treacherous, with only a narrow sidewalk protecting pedestrians (a lot of them on gameday) from heavy congestion. It would have been wise to explore better ways to move foot traffic around and across 1300 South. But despite the flaws, I’m looking forward to bittersweet final TRAX rides to Smith’s Ballpark this summer.

Analogy relevant to the sport: The three TRAX lines are like having a pitcher with a great fastball, curveball and slider—but the walkability failures around the station are like said pitcher not using the whole strike zone: The batters have more chances to get a hit. (The last part of that analogy is exactly what you think it means, and it’s not meant to be humorous. In baseball, and on the streets, it’s good to be “safe.”)

Suggestion: This advice is for the Bees’ new location in Daybreak, which will be next to the current terminus of the TRAX Red Line—that’s good! UTA should add an extra train car and/or more frequent service during ball games. Also, consider a shuttle from the South Jordan FrontRunner station (a good idea for Daybreak, generally).

Having been to the area of the new ballpark, I don’t see it as a place where you want a lot of auto traffic. Call the shuttle “Driving You Home” as a baseball pun. Painting a bus like a bee with a baseball glove would be adorbs. A lot is on the table here.

Analogy relevant to the sport: Runners are in scoring position, and you can break the game open, though many of us fans are getting “Curse of the Bambino” vibes as you leave the city for the suburbs. It’s a tough L to take, and it feels unearned.

Grade: A-

Utah Grizzlies (3200 S. Decker Lake Dr., West Valley)

Transit options: One option that basically does the job. The Green Line TRAX has a stop right next to the Maverik Center, with two small street crossings.

The station is wisely not placed where fans would have to walk through the massive parking lot (looking at you Rice-Eccles), and it features a wide walkway to the arena. Fans also have the option of taking the 35 bus from points east and west (pour one out for the shuttered MAX rapid line). The 35 originates at the Millcreek TRAX station on 3300 South, with just over a half-mile walk to the venue from its nearest stop.

Analogy relevant to the sport: Good centering pass for a onetimer goal. Blue-liners could play up a bit more.

Suggestions: Try running a shuttle up and down Decker Lake Drive to pick up or drop off folks who take the 35 bus. And resurrect MAX.

Grade: B+

University of Utah

Transit options: We can grade this on a curve—meaning the two uphill curves when traveling east toward Rice-Eccles Stadium and the Huntsman Center. The fact that a light rail line can get people up that far (and more importantly, continue to a hospital complex) is impressive.

It’s also very handy to be able to park at Rice-Eccles and hop on a Red Line TRAX to Huntsman, and vice versa (when you include parking options like the LDS institute building). It even makes it worth it to park at another TRAX station or close to them downtown and ride the train up the hill.

Analogy relevant to the sport(s): For football, it’s some reliable options to get across the goal line once you’re in the red zone. For gymnastics, it’s a floor routine’s finishing flurry.

Suggestions: There must be better ways for University planners to accommodate pedestrians on their daunting walk crossing the Rice-Eccles parking lot en route to the entry gates from the Stadium TRAX station. We probably can’t move the station to where it should have been all along—directly north or at least northwest of the stadium, but better pedestrian planning is needed.

Grade: A

Hockey fans can take the Green Line TRAX to Decker Lake Station for a short walk to the Maverick Center.

Skip the parking headache by taking the TRAX Red Line to University of Utah games.

Curve Ball

Major League Baseball is pitched as a home run for SLC, but it could be a swing-and-miss for taxpayers and west-side residents.

BY MATT PACENZA comments@cityweekly.net

How fast is the Wasatch Front growing? So fast, that the announcement in mid-April that a powerful coalition called Big League Utah is seeking to bring a new Major League Baseball franchise here was not met with guffaws.

Salt Lake City may not rival Los Angeles or New York City anytime soon, but by the end of this decade, we could be hosting the Dodgers and the Mets at a brand new ballpark in the newly coined Power District, a 100-acre Rocky Mountain Power property just south of the Utah State Fairpark and west of the Jordan River Parkway.

Jay Jaffe, a senior baseball writer for the analytics website Fangraphs, graduated from East High in 1988. His first reaction to the baseball bid was skepticism—his little old hometown?—but once he considered the details, he took it seriously.

The most significant factor for Jaffe is the involvement of the Miller family, who are heading up Big League Utah. Late Jazz owner Larry Miller and his heirs steered Salt Lake’s NBA basketball team to considerable success, winning the second-most games in the NBA during the first 30 years they owned the team. “History shows the Miller family can get things done,” Jaffe noted.

Salt Lake joins a short list of other North American cities clamoring for a pro baseball team, along with Nashville, Charlotte and Portland, plus a rough second tier of Montreal, Vancouver and Louisville. (Las Vegas has long been at the head of the list, but appears poised to be the new home of the As, who will likely leave Oakland in the next few years.)

Jaffe’s research shows that the Salt Lake City area compares favorably with those cities, whether you look at regional population or TV markets. Also, we’re the fastest growing of the bunch, along with Nashville. He says with the Miller family’s involvement, Salt Lake’s bid has the wealthiest and most experienced ownership group of the bunch. That may matter most to the billionaires that own MLB teams, who will make expansion decisions.

So, yes, there’s room for optimism for Salt Lake baseball fans. But before you oil that mitt to catch a foul ball and practice the lyrics to “Take Me Out to the Ballgame,” let’s ask a few critical questions.

The Home Team

Larry Miller’s wife, Gail, is a philanthropist celebrated for her commitment to health care, education and homelessness. A decade after her husband, Larry, passed away in 2009, she sold the family’s biggest assets—its car dealerships and the Utah Jazz franchise.

That made Gail Miller the richest person in Utah, reportedly worth more than $4 billion. That’s more than enough money to own a Major League Baseball expansion team.

But let’s be blunt for a moment: Gail Miller will turn 80 this year, and no one lives forever. When Gail Miller steps away from direct involvement in the Larry Miller Co., will it continue to want to invest billions into Major League Baseball? Will it maintain its strong political connec-

tions? Three of Miller’s sons—Steve, Greg and Brilliant— are currently on the company’s board of directors. Close observers of the Jazz may recall that after Larry Miller died, Steve and Greg Miller assumed prominent leadership roles in the family company. But then, in 2015, both resigned citing personal reasons, with Gail Miller reasserting her control.

The Larry Miller Co. is likely to be a force in Utah for decades to come. But if Gail Miller is no longer the face of Big League Utah, will the bid lose some of its juice?

Proponents of the bid are confident that Utah will open its arms to a pro baseball team. They point to the relative success of the Salt Lake Bees, which drew just under 5,800 fans per game last year, according to the website The Baseball Cube. That ranked 18th out of 120 teams in minor league baseball, putting Salt Lake behind the minor league teams in Nashville, Charlotte and Las Vegas, but ahead of Portland.

Jaffe said an MLB team should draw at least 2 million fans per year, an average of roughly 25,000 for each of 81 home games between April and September. Given that the Jazz draw 18,000 fans per game for more expensive tickets, maybe Utah would hit that target easily. However, the average baseball fan is older than those of other sports, and Salt Lake is one of the youngest cities in America.

But that may not matter: The real money in sports comes from TV, and Utah is a fast-growing media market adding tens of thousands of eyeballs every year. Even if we’re lukewarm to baseball, that may not affect the economics of the team very much.

“It is more of a basketball and football area,” observed Jaffe. “But I’m not sure how much that matters.”

It raises the prospect of a Salt Lake team that earns plenty of money—like nearly all pro sports teams seem to—but that routinely plays in front of half-empty stadiums, especially during summer’s scorching heat.

Throwing a Heater

Should Salt Lake fight to land a team? One reason national observers are optimistic about Salt Lake City’s proposal is that a diverse array of elected officials—from Gov. Spencer Cox to Salt Lake City Mayor Erin Mendenhall to legislative, city council and neighborhood leaders—expressed initial support when Big League Utah made its announcement. That support also came despite the fact that no one has said how much it might cost and, more importantly, who will pay for it.

Cox has been cagey on the topic. He told The Salt Lake Tribune that he is “not a big believer in subsidizing billionaires with taxpayers’ dollars to build stadiums.” But he went on to say that “there are things we can do to help alleviate that burden.”

Folks, hold on to your wallets. Economists disagree about plenty, but here’s an area of consensus: Sports stadiums are a terrible investment of public money. “The universal finding is that there is a very limited economic case for building a stadium,” said J.C. Bradbury, an economist at Kennesaw State University who studies the issue.

Those “things” that Cox mentions will cost many, many millions in direct or indirect aid. The governor mentioned “tax increment financing” and infrastructure costs as potential areas of public support and those, Bradbury said, are subsidies—which Cox allegedly opposes.

“One of the strategic elements of a stadium campaign is to engage in fiscal illusion,” Bradbury said, “to hide the public funding.”

For example, there’s the tax increment scheme: It would collect sales taxes from a special district around the ballpark to pay back the state or city for stadium financing.

But here’s the problem: Money spent in the stadium district isn’t new money. The research suggests that the dollars a family spends on the ballpark would likely have been spent elsewhere, locally, on restaurants, movies and other entertainment options.

“People don’t just have money buried in a coffee can in their yard waiting for a MLB team to come to town,” Bradbury pointed out.

The elected officials who expressed early support for Big League Utah said they hoped a stadium would spur new west side development, like a wave of housing and retail development in and around the Power District. However, Bradbury said, there’s no evidence that strategy works, either.

“Stadiums are quite poor development anchors,” Bradbury said. A few bars and restaurants might benefit from pre-game crowds, but by and large, people who come to the game spend their money inside the stadium.

These drawbacks aren’t theoretical for Bradbury—he has studied them in his own backyard. He points to the experience of Cobb County—near Atlanta, Georgia— where Truist Park (the home of the Braves) was built recently as part of a mixed-use development just like the Power District. It didn’t help the county’s finances, he said. In fact, his research shows it costs Cobb County $15 million a year.

The reality, he said, is that businesses and residences near stadiums often suffer, because of traffic and parking problems. Big League Utah hopes to mitigate those effects with existing trail and transit access around the stadium site, but private automobiles would certainly be the primary mode of travel for most fans.

“People don’t want to live in a neighborhood where they can’t have friends over more than 80 nights a year because of traffic problems,” he said. CW

Concept renderings released by Big League Utah propose a Major League Baseball stadium along the Jordan River.

BENJAMIN WOODS

Power to the Pizza

Slackwater Pizzeria brings new life to classic gastropub fare.

BY ALEX SPRINGER comments@cityweekly.net @captainspringer

Now that we’re collectively starting to put the winter clothes back in the closet, it’s time to figure out the myriad ways we are going to seize the sunny days ahead. Regardless of what your recreational cup of tea happens to be, you’ll always need a place to meet up before setting off on some grand adventure. For me, these places are most often the neighborhood gastropubs that dot our metropolitan landscape. Some of them are easier to find than others, but the one that has officially kicked off my springtime off is Slackwater (multiple locations, slackwaterpizzeria.com).

Whether you’re checking out the Ogden location just off Historic 25th Street, the Downtown location in the Granary District, or the Sandy location next to the Shops at South Town, Slackwater knows how to deliver. Their specialty is pizza and beer—they have a huge variety of both—and their pie game is stellar. I’m sure you’ve been to a pub that serves pizza and ordered up a pie only to be slightly disappointed by their shoddy workmanship. At Slackwater, their pizza is build with a solid foundation of crust, sauce and cheese that has let them get a bit experimental with their pies. During my latest visit, for example, they were

touting a pie with figs and prosciutto as one of their rotating specials.

When a place has a reputation for one type of cuisine, it’s always fun to dine outside that comfort zone. Though pizza is near and dear to my heart, I was interested in seeing how Slackwater treats its supporting cast. I started off by perusing the appetizer menu—there are always hidden gems awaiting discovery on a gastropub’s menu of starters. In this case, the item known as Check Your Garlic Breath ($11.25) is the dark horse of the bunch. Those who know the rich, buttery decadence of roasted garlic cloves will be familiar with this preparation, though they won’t be expecting the gorgonzola cream cheese. Essentially, this appetizer dares you to create a roasted garlic and gorgonzola spread and slather it all over some crostini. It also comes with some pico de gallo, though I’d only suggest that as a palate cleanser between bites. It’s a gutsy appetizer and it takes a gutsy diner to order one of these in mixed company. For those after an appetizer that eats like a meal or one that can be shared comfortably among a few pals, then the pork chili verde nachos ($12.25) are the way to go. The chili verde is made onsite with Slackwater’s own roasted pork, and then gets piled onto a plate of tortilla chips that are already bedecked with some nacho cheese, black bean corn salsa and a nice, herby chimichurri. It’s a plate of nachos that serves up exactly what you want from gastropub nachos, plus it’s enormous enough to satisfy two or three people.

Slackwater’s appetizer menu is also stepping up with a few plant-based options for those too chicken for garlic breath. The Rub My Tom Toms ($9.50) is a vegan alternative to chicken wings with some crispy cauliflower florets tossed in some sun-dried tomato dry rub. You can’t go wrong with roasted cauliflower, but

that sun-dried tomato dry rub is something special.

After a solid exploration of the appetizers, I think it’s safe to start digging into Slackwater’s pizza pantheon. Before doing so, however, you need to know that whatever your non-pizza comfort food of choice is, they have it in pizza form. You like gyros? Try the Gryo Trip ($14.75) that takes all your favorite Greek ingredients—lamb, tzatziki, feta, onions, tomatoes and cucumbers—and piles them up on a three cheese pizza. Maybe a Cubano sandwich is more your style? Try the Cuban Pizza Crisis ($14.75) that takes Slackwater’s house-roasted pork and pairs it with some sliced ham, pickles and mustard with a bit of crema. Maybe you dig more on shrimp tacos? Then go for the Taco Camarones ($14.75) which incorporates some green goddess dressing, black bean corn salsa, maple citrus coleslaw and shrimp for a zesty shrimp taco experience. Sure, some of the combos might raise an eyebrow or two, but the Slackwater team knows how to balance flavors on a pie. Plus, you can get any of Slackwater’s pies wrapped up in a nice calzone if you so please. Honestly, you can’t really go wrong here if you’re a pizza fan.

With so many pizza options available during the week, you may not expect that Slackwater also does brunch on Sundays from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. But it does! Their brunch menu includes everything from chilaquiles ($12) to eggs benedict ($13), all of which maintains Slackwater’s rare balance between consistency and creativity. Whether you’re in need of a place to meet up before hitting the town or simply after something to cure a Sunday morning hangover, Slackwater’s got you covered. CW

2 Row Brewing 6856 S. 300 West, Midvale 2RowBrewing.com

Avenues Proper 376 8th Ave, SLC avenuesproper.com

On Tap: Blizzard Wizard - Hazy Pale Ale

Bewilder Brewing 445 S. 400 West, SLC

BewilderBrewing.com

On Tap: Gluten Reduced Kolsch

Bohemian Brewery 94 E. Fort Union Blvd, Midvale BohemianBrewery.com

Bonneville Brewery 1641 N. Main, Tooele BonnevilleBrewery.com

On Tap: Peaches and Cream Ale

Chappell Brewing 2285 S Main Street Salt Lake City, UT 84115 chappell.beer

On Tap: Playground Hazy Pale Ale (lemondrop)

Craft by Proper 1053 E. 2100 So., SLC craftbyproper.com

On Tap: That’s a Knife - Australian Cold IPA

Desert Edge Brewery

273 Trolley Square, SLC DesertEdgeBrewery.com

On Tap: Tropical Fruit Storm Pale Ale

Epic Brewing Co.

825 S. State, SLC EpicBrewing.com

On Tap: Horchata Cream Ale

Fisher Brewing Co. 320 W. 800 South, SLC

FisherBeer.com

On Tap: A rotation of up to 17 Fresh Beers!

Grid City Beer Works

333 W. 2100 South, SLC GridCityBeerWorks.com

On Tap: Extra Pale Ale

Helper Beer 159 N Main Street Helper, UT 84526 helperbeer.com/

Hopkins Brewing Co. 1048 E. 2100 South, SLC HopkinsBrewingCompany.com

On Tap: Apricot Wheat

Kiitos Brewing

608 W. 700 South, SLC KiitosBrewing.com

Level Crossing Brewing Co. 2496 S. West Temple, S. Salt Lake LevelCrossingBrewing.com

On Tap: Philly Sour Fruit Bat Bingo ($1,000 jackpot): Wednesdays at 7pm

Moab Brewing 686 S. Main, Moab

TheMoabBrewery.com

On Tap: Bourbon & Blonde (Bulleit Bourbon Barrel-aged Blonde Stout)

Mountain West Cider 425 N. 400 West, SLC

MountainWestCider.com

On Tap: Pomme Paloma

Offset Bier Co 1755 Bonanza Dr Unit C, Park City offsetbier.com/

On Tap: DOPO IPA

Ogden Beer Company 358 Park Blvd, Ogden OgdenRiverBrewing.com

On Tap: Injector Hazy IPA

Policy Kings Brewery 223 N. 100 West, Cedar City PolicyKingsBrewery.com

Prodigy Brewing 25 W Center St. Logan

Prodigy-brewing.com

On Tap: It’s Complicated Sour

Proper Brewing 857 S. Main, SLC

ProperBrewingCo.com

On Tap: Cloud Chaser - Kölsch with Strawberry and Watermelon

Proper Brewing Moab 1393 US-191 Moab, Utah 84532

On Tap: Angus McCloud- Scottish Ale

Red Rock Brewing 254 So. 200 West RedRockBrewing.com

On Tap: Gypsy Scratch

Red Rock Fashion Place 6227 So. State Redrockbrewing.com

On Tap: Munich Dunkel

Red Rock Kimball Junction Redrockbrewing.com

1640 Redstone Center

On Tap: Bamberg Rauch Bier

RoHa Brewing Project 30 Kensington Ave, SLC RoHaBrewing.com

On Tap: Anniversary Barrel

Aged Porter

Brewers Select: Strength in Numbers Wheat Wine

Roosters Brewing

Multiple Locations RoostersBrewingCo.com

On Tap: Identity Crisis Session

West Coast Hazy Cold IPA – the name says it all!

SaltFire Brewing

2199 S. West Temple, S.Salt Lake SaltFireBrewing.com

On Tap: Deep Dive Series - Steam Beer

Salt Flats Brewing

2020 Industrial Circle, SLC SaltFlatsBeer.com

On Tap: Save the Lake Pilsner - 5% of sales donated to local non-profits to support preserving our Great Salt Lake

Scion Cider Bar 916 Jefferson St W, SLC Scionciderbar.com

On Tap: Scion Apricot & Oak - 7.6% ABV

Shades Brewing 154 W. Utopia Ave, S. Salt Lake ShadesBrewing.beer

On Tap: Mango IPA

Live Music: Thursdays

Shades On State 366 S. State Street SLC Shadesonstate.com

On Tap: Mexican Lager Karaoke: Wednesdays

Silver Reef

4391 S. Enterprise Drive, St. George StGeorgeBev.com

Squatters Pub Brewery / Salt Lake Brewing Co. 147 W. Broadway, SLC saltlakebrewingco.com/squatters

On Tap: Dark Haze Honey Porter (Nitro)

Squatters and Wasatch Brewery 1763 So 300 West SLC UT 84115 Utahbeers.com

On Tap: Pink Boots Collab Hazy DIPA, 9% ABV - available 4/30

Strap Tank Brewery

Multiple Locations

StrapTankBrewery.com

Springville On Tap: PB Rider, Peanut Butter Stout

Lehi On Tap: 2-Stroke, Vanilla Mocha Porter

Stratford Proper 1588 Stratford Ave., SLC stratfordproper.com

On Tap: Yacht Rock Juice Box - Juicy IPA

TF Brewing 936 S. 300 West, SLC TFBrewing.com

On Tap: Edel Pils

Talisman Brewing Co. 1258 Gibson Ave, Ogden TalismanBrewingCo.com

On Tap: King Slayer- Pilsner

Uinta Brewing 1722 S. Fremont Drive, SLC UintaBrewing.com

On Tap: Was Angeles Craft Beer

UTOG 2331 Grant Ave, Ogden UTOGBrewing.com

On Tap: Lovely Lady Nitro Stout

Vernal Brewing 55 S. 500 East, Vernal VernalBrewing.com

Wasatch 2110 S. Highland Drive, SLC saltlakebrewingco.com/ wasatch

On Tap: Wasatch Salt Lime Cerveza (SLC)

Zion Brewery 95 Zion Park Blvd, Springdale ZionBrewery.com

Zolupez 205 W. 29th Street #2, Ogden Zolupez.com

A list of what local craft breweries and cider houses have on tap this week

BEER NERD

Rotation

Sensations

Two new installments in an ever-changing series of IPAs

BY MIKE RIEDEL comments@cityweekly.net @utahbeer

Wasatch - UT-X: This rotating series of IPAs has been available on draft for quite some time, but now you have the option of taking them home in cans. The packaging looks pretty nice and eye-catching. The beer pours a clear yellow/orange color, with a one finger head of puffy white foam. The head has a good level of retention, fading slowly over time to leave a great level of foamy lace on the sides of the glass.

The aroma of the brew is big dose of grapefruit and tangerine, mixed with a whole lot of orange juice, as well as some papaya and mango. Along with these notes comes some aromas of lemon and lime, as well as a little bit of grape.

The taste begins with a cracker malt flavor that is matched with plenty of grapefruit hops, as well as a little bit of grass and herb. Right from the start, there are flavors of orange, tangerine, lemon and mango, with the lemon and the orange getting stronger while the tangerine and mango fade as the taste advances. At the same time, some white-grape-like tastes develop, along with some hay and must. A little bit of alcohol joins in at the very end, and with a touch of yeast, one is left with a moderately crisp and citric taste to linger on the tongue. The body of this 7.0 percent brew is slightly thicker, with a carbonation level that is fairly moderate.

Verdict: This is a nice brew. It’s not one of those IPAs with citrus/grapefruit notes that come off as “artificial,” ulti-

mately drinking more like a well-made IPA—simply enjoyable and fun to drink.

Fisher Rotating India Pale Ale #3: It poured a fairly clear light amber color, though it took on more of a burnt orange hue when held to the light; two fingers worth of frothy white head died down to a thin ring. The aroma starts off with a slightly higher-than-average dose of sweetness, followed by a significant burst of hops as the first to show up, imparting some herbal and piney aromas. The citrus hops stick out the most, imparting some nice citrus rind, grapefruit and apricot-like aromas.

The taste starts off with a medium amount of sweetness followed by the hops providing all of those hoppy aspects that I got in the aroma with a light grassy flavor. Once again, the citrus hops stick out the most with ice citrus-rind and grapefruit flavors. Up next come the malts, which impart a grainy, light sweet malt, lightly toasted, cracker and bready flavors, with a little bit of doughy yeast in the background. On the finish, there’s a higher amount of medium bitterness, followed by a lightly toasted malt and citrus hop-like aftertaste. It drinks fairly smooth for 7.6 percent ABV—clean, crisp, medium-bodied with a moderate level of carbonation. The mouthfeel was pretty good, working nicely with this beer.

Verdict: I thought this was a pretty solid beer, and a good example of a West Coast-style IPA. It had that signature piney and citrus grapefruit aspect that I always look for in the style, and the malt base seemed to work well.

Since Fisher’s resurrection, enjoying “high-point” beers in the brewery’s pub has never been an option. However, thanks to their new bar license, things in the pub feel more natural and available. You can enjoy Rotating India Pale Ale #3 in-house or snag some to go in 16-ounce cans. UT-X is in 12-ounce cans, and you can find them at Wasatch/ Squatters and (soon) in DABS stores. As always, cheers! CW

MIKE RIEDEL

MIKE RIEDEL

BY ALEX SPRINGER | @captainspringer

Marmalade Brunch House Opens

Opening a brunch-centric restaurant in a neighborhood called Marmalade is a stroke of brilliance, and it looks like Marmalade Brunch House (535 N. 300 West) has the culinary chops to back up all that style. From the looks of its menu, it’s pulling heavily from French influences, with tasty treats like the croque madame and caramel croissants, along with brunch favorites like steak & eggs and delicious-sounding stacks of blueberry lemon-curd pancakes. Based on their vibrant Instagram page (@marmalade_brunchhouse), I can practically feel the scent of lemony pancakes pulling my nose North.

Cinco de Mayo Tacos and Tequila Class

There are plenty of Cinco de Mayo celebrations going on around town, but doesn’t it sound fun to deepen your appreciation of the humble taco and its best friend, tequila, this year? If so, then you should check out Park City Culinary Institute’s (1484 S. State Street, 801-413-2800, parkcityculinaryinstitute.com) upcoming “Tacos and Tequila” class. The class will include tutorials on making tacos from scratch, along with cilantro lime rice and Mexican street corn salad. If you’re over 21, your class comes with margaritas to celebrate a job well done. The class will take place on May 5 from 6:30 to 9:30 p.m., and tickets are available via the PCCI website.

Xing Fu Tang Opens

I think downtown Salt Lake may have leveled up when it comes to the Taiwanese treat known as boba milk tea. A franchise straight out of Taiwan called Xing Fu Tang (932 E. 900 South, xingfutangut.com) recently opened in the Ninth and Ninth neighborhood, and it’s been well received by locals as lines burst out into the street during its opening days. Based on a frolic through their Instagram page (@xingfutang.ut), they’re prepping their brown sugar milk tea with boba pearls that are stir fried onsite, along with providing a wide variety of colorful beverages. If you’ve ever considered yourself a fan of Taiwanese milk tea or boba drinks in general, Xing Fu Tang needs to be on your list to check out.

Quote of the Week: “Find the person that cherishes you as much as you love tacos.” –Carlos Wallace

It’s a Family Affair

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 shows James Gunn’s talent for giving his comic-book spectacles heart.

BY SCOTT RENSHAW scottr@cityweekly.net @scottrenshaw

It has to be at least a little bit awkward for Marvel Studios to watch James Gunn— the director of their big summer release, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3—spend a lot of his interview time these days talking about superheroes from a rival studio. Gunn was hired in 2022 to be the creative lead of DC Studios, attempting at long last to do with Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman et. al. what Marvel has successfully accomplished with its stable of costumed characters: create a wildly successful, cohesive cinematic universe where even the lesser-known characters can become headliners. And it’s understandable why DC would want him, considering the unique cocktail of high-energy action, sincere feeling and goofy fun that Gunn has brought to his Guardians of the Galaxy films. Where the Marvel Machine appears to have chewed up and spit out many other auteurs to serve the corporate mission, Gunn’s movies have largely remained, recognizably, Gunn movies.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 has plenty on its storytelling plate, and it would have been a lot to ask for the movie to nail every one of those components. But Gunn has a vision for these characters and who they are to one another that provides a strong point of focus. The need for close connections—and the messiness of those connections—permeates the story, giving it an

emotional tug even when the blockbuster bombast threatens to get in the way.

Some of that aforementioned messiness involves the ongoing fallout from the Thanos saga, as Peter Quill (Chris Pratt) continues to mourn the loss of his beloved Gamora (Zoe Saldaña), replaced by an alternate-timeline version who has no memory of their relationship. He has to rouse himself from his self-pity party, however, when the violent arrival of the super-being Adam Warlock (Will Poulter) leaves Rocket (Bradley Cooper) near death. Thus begins a quest for a particular whosiwhatsit MacGuffin—as comic-book movies are wont to have—that could save Rocket’s life, with fellow Guardians Nebula (Karen Gillan), Drax (Dave Bautista), Mantis (Pom Klementieff) and Groot (Vin Diesel) all in pursuit.

Rocket’s dire state provides the launching point for extended flashbacks to his origin story as one of the many cruel experiments of the High Evolutionary (Chukwudi Iwuji). There we also meet other mechanical/animal hybrids, including an otter called Lylla (Linda Cardellini), and Gunn does a lovely job of capturing how these damaged creatures find comfort

with one another.

And really, that’s the crux of the GotG series as a whole, emphasizing a “found family” of characters otherwise left isolated and alone by their past traumas. Those family dynamics aren’t necessarily sentimentalized, as the banter emphasizes the little ways they get on each other’s nerves, or how much more it can hurt when those you care about belittle you. Gunn has generally shown a willingness to get creative with his characterizations—continued here by making the High Evolutionary more petty and highstrung than your typical “big bad,” and giving Poulter’s Warlock the persona of a gawky adolescent not yet in control of his immense power—and that includes finding great, often funny ways to express the push and pull between love and irritation.

Of course, a movie like this can’t ignore the spectacle, and while Gunn’s action sequences are inventive—most notably here in a late showdown between the Guardians and a gaggle of mutated animal guards—he also falls victim to that Marvel standby of “throw thousands of nameless creatures at our protagonists,” plus a general over-plotting over the course of 150 minutes. While

the formulaic elements are far less pervasive here than in something like, oh I don’t know, Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania, when they do emerge, it just reminds you how much better this movie is when it feels distinctly like a Gunn/Guardians movie. That includes the resolution, which— I’m not even gonna front, and spoilerfree—had me getting more than slightly verklempt. Part of Gunn’s approach to the concept of family includes the realization that we need different things from them at different times, and that moving on to the next phase in life can be as necessary as it is painful. Somehow, through all the conventions of the comic-book movie era, James Gunn managed to give Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 a real heart, before he moved on to his own next phase. Marvel’s loss is DC’s gain. CW

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL. 3 BBB 1/2

Chris Pratt Dave Bautista Pom Klementieff Rated PG-13 Available in theaters May 4

The cast of Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 MARVEL STUDIOS

CINCO DE MAYO

TUNES BY DJ LYRIC

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Sex Metal in SLC

SLC group unveils their genrebending sound

BY EMILEE ATKINSON eatkinson@cityweekly.net @emileelovesvinyl

SoulFang is the epitome of, “What the hell am I listening to?,” but in the best way possible. The four members of the band came together like nicely-fitting puzzle pieces, and their genre-bending music takes you on a sonic journey that you won’t want to come to an end.

The stars aligned when the four members of Soulfang came together. Meeting online and connecting in the local scene, they didn’t set out to be a full-on band and put out music. Initially, they just wanted to meet up and jam, providing some actual human connection during the pandemic.

“I remember playing ‘Say It Ain’t So’ by Weezer,” vocalist Liz Sebert said. “It just worked effortlessly, and that was the moment for me that I was like, ‘Hell yeah, we all just fit together.’”

“We started playing together and just this sound happened, and I think it’s very much organically just where everybody is bringing their own influences,” bassist Sam Robertson added.

Seibert was really into Motown and funk, while Sam played a lot of hard rock with drummer Chelsea Boyle and guitarist Henry Robertson (No relation to Sam). “We just came up with what we now call the SoulFang sound, which is this blend of hard rock and soul,” Sam Robertson said. Because the band connected instantly and so well, they challenged one another to develop a style that would satisfy their disparate tastes. The result is a band that blends slow dancing with headbanging, jazz clubs with mosh pits, and tenderness with shredding.

After a year of writing, rehearsing and performing together, SoulFang dropped their first single “Chemical Meditation” in January, premiering their unique brand of “sex metal” to the world. “Chemical Meditation” is the first track SoulFang wrote together, and came from a conversation between Seibert and Sam Robertson about the benefits of therapeutic ketamine and the advancement of psychedelic therapy.

According to the band, this song shows off the convergence of styles more than their others so far. It opens with an addicting, pulsing bassline before Seibert’s calming vocals come in. It builds up to the chorus, which is peaceful and entrancing. Eventually, it swells into an epic solo from Henry that leaves you wanting to immediately backtrack and listen to it again.

Releasing this track was a way to test the waters and see how people would respond. “It doesn’t fit very neatly into any particular genre,” Sam Robertson said. “I thought, ‘Well, let’s throw everyone into the deep end with this one, and we’re just going to see how it lands.’” With a very positive response, the group was encouraged to keep going and share more music.

There’s a certain ease that comes through when listening to a SoulFang track, and the biggest reason is that these four genuinely like each other, and love spending time with one another. On top of that, the writing process is very collaborative. “There’s definitely just an artistic flow to it, because we’re not sitting down trying to use math and logic,” Boyle said. “It’s just, what we’re feeling is where it goes.”

So far, SoulFang has three released tracks under their belt, each an exciting adventure in its own right. Additionally, they love hopping on livestreams on Facebook to connect with listeners. “I think I like any opportunity to just show the authenticity of just how we actually are when we interact with each other,” Seibert said.

“When you’re at the level that we are— and we’re really just trying to build a fol-

lowing, and we’re trying to connect to the people that like our music—then having that dialogue, being able to answer the comments in real time and show people songs that are very much a work in progress, I think it’s very intimate,” Boyle added.

Luckily for fans, SoulFang definitely has more music on the way. The plan is to hit the studio this summer and release more songs in increments, like with their first three singles. While there is hope to do a full album at some point (on vinyl even), they want to pump out some more individual tracks. “Just to build our fan base, it makes sense to do it this way,” Henry explained.

SoulFang hopes that their authenticity and excitement for playing music shines through in their songs. “Every song takes you on a bit of a journey,” Seibert said. “We’re just us, and that’s how it’s always going to be, and it’s always going to come

across in our music,” Boyle added. While you wait for more genre-bending tunes from the gang, join the SoulFang Facebook group (The SoulFang Fan Community) to see live streams, and catch them at some exciting shows this summer. First, you can catch them at a free, allages show on Saturday, May 27 in Liberty Park at the Sand Ohana volleyball tournament from 4-7 p.m. Then in June, they will be at The Hog Wallow Pub in Cottonwood Heights on Thursday, June 8 from 9 p.m. to midnight. This show has a $7 cover charge. Lastly, SoulFang will be at Piper Down Pub on Friday, July 28 from 9 p.m. to midnight, with a small cover charge.

Pressing play on a SoulFang fan is a new adventure—you’re not sure what you’re going to get. Once you get into it though, you’ll find a treasure trove of beautifully melded genres and easy-listening experience by a group of musicians who love what they do. CW

SoulFang AMBER LYNN

MUSIC PICK S

By Emilee Atkinson

Cobra Man @ Metro Music Hall 5/5

Cobra Man began as a project for The Worble, a skateboarding crew out of Los Angeles. Back in 2017, Andrew Harris and Sarah Rayne created the soundtrack for The Worble’s debut video, New Driveway, which would become Cobra Man’s first album. It also led to a power-disco chicken-or-the-egg situation. “It’s sort of a little bit of a leap of faith and really believing that what we liked, other people would like too. Even though it really wasn’t popular at the time,” Andrew told Thrasher Magazine. “... I remember talking to our manager John Michael and he was, like, “Dude, I don’t think I would tell anyone it’s disco.” Well, the word is out—and if you listen to their two albums, the sound is neither overused or superfluous. On New Driveway, the tracks flow into each other so organically that it will have you breaking out a Members Only jacket and some Pony low-tops. It’s an incredible project from start to finish. Their follow up, Toxic Planet, targets an itch that very few bands can scratch. The devil is in the details with all the wild, sweaty and punky moments. I’m looking forward to the New Paradise EP and how it should add to the extremes of their music hits. Cobra Man will be massive; give it time. Starbenders and Stolen Nova open. Cobra Man brings their “New Paradise” tour to Metro Music Hall, at 8 p.m. on Friday, May 5. General admission tickets for the 21-and-over show are $27 at 24tix.com (Mark Dago)

Cobra Man

BRIAN ZIFF

MUSIC PICK S

By Emilee Atkinson

Molchat Doma, Nuovo Testamento @ The Depot 5/6

Throw your shades on, flip that collar and get those elbows moving, ’cause we’re throwing down ’80s-style. Nuovo Testamento is an edgy, bubbly, bewitching female-led, synth-summoning new-wave trio coming to us out of Italy. Nuevo Testamento belongs in a classic arcade where the power of companionship is more distracting than the strobing cabinets; think Black Mirror’s “San Junipero.” Fast-paced keys, science-fiction sounds and a drum machine intersect to fuel Chelsea Crowley’s vocals, creating a bonfire of confidence and possibility. Nuevo Testamento opens for Molchat Doma, the Belarusian post-punk trio that has found world wide fame, thanks in large part to social media. Molchat Doma was No. 2 on Spotify’s Top 50 Viral charts with their song “Судно” (Vessel). Molchat Doma sounds inspired by the same era as Nuevo Testamento, utilizing the fast-paced synth sound of new wave, but with a darker, colder tone. If Nuevo Testamento had the speakers during the day at the arcade, Molchat Doma will take over at night when the windows get boarded up and the overhead lights come off. The ghostly, Russian vocals with slower, bassier melodies come off more Transylvanic, or EasternEuropean. Shady figures and wide-eyed invitees can groove together with this trancey backdrop. Molchat Doma has not toured since finding their new level of fame due to the pandemic, so check out their debut tour alongside Nuevo Testamento for all ages at The Depot Saturday, May 6. Tickets are $27 at livenation.com. (Caleb Daniel)

Molchat Doma

ALINA PASOK

By Emilee Atkinson

Pearl and the Oysters, Valet, Homephone @ Kilby Court 5/7

Pearl and the Oysters’ latest album, Coast 2 Coast, is a voyage into a fantastical world curated by its writers. Duo Joachim Polack and Juliette Davis have created a sound full of whimsy, trippy effects and entrancing vocals. The effects used on the album are reminiscent of ray guns and space sounds creators in the ‘50s and ‘60s thought the future would sound like. Think The Jetsons, but with indie-pop beats overlaid. On top of that, there’s the sound of water; you’ll visualize the waves coming in on the beach, making you feel like you’re sipping a fruity drink. That makes sense for the L.A.-based duo, as songs like “Pacific Avenue” and “Space Coast” have you feeling like you’re somewhere between a beach with beautiful, blue water and a spaceship ready to fly away. Locals Valet join in on the space vibes. The young rockers have two singles out so far, one of which is called “Friendship Spaceship.” Who wouldn’t want to hop on the Friendship Spaceship? This track is a cheerful indie tune that will instantly relax you and make you feel at home. Rounding out the show are SLC group Homephone, who have released dreamy, chill tracks since 2021, and have built up a large following since then. This incredible lineup will hit Kilby Court on Sunday, May 7 at 7 p.m. Tickets for the all-ages show are $15 and can be found at kilbycourt.com. (Emilee Atkinson)

Featured Album Featured Album

Death Grips @ The Union 5/8

“What the hell is that sound?” is probably the single most on-the-money way to describe the trio known as Death Grips. Formed in Sacramento, Calif. in 2010, Death Grips have perplexed and excited listeners since their first full-length album, The Money Store, hit the streets in 2012. One can attempt to pigeonhole the group to no avail; their batch of tracks produces a flabbergasting medley of what we might hazard to call an experimental post-industrial/nü-metal/hip-hop cocktail thrown into a Vitamix and pulsated vigorously—yet not even that does the discography justice. Often shirtless, MC Ride brings distinguishably assured hip-hop-style bars to the mix, trailblazing a rare sound both for the group themselves and for music in general. Music-producer-turned-keyboardist/jack-of-all-trades/ master of fun Andy Morin further dichotomizes the group from other artists with his personal flavor of metal-on-metal (might I suggest goth-influenced?) style of clanging keys. The group is rounded out sharply as if by a stiletto knife with modern legend Zach Hill, deity on the drums, whose anarchic yet impressively in-time method keeps his name hallowed by amateurs and professionals alike (believe it or not, Soundgarden and Pearl Jam drummer Matt Cameron is the proud owner of a Death Grips sweatshirt). Fans of black midi, Machine Girl, The I.L.Y’s, and Hella (Zach Hill’s other two projects), will find unrestrained pleasure and pandemonium at The Union Events Center on May 8 at 7 p.m. Tickets for the all-ages show are $55-200, available at ticketmaster.com. (Sophie

Caligiuri)

They Might Be Giants @ The Depot 5/10

Sometimes, being clever can simply be annoying. Fortunately, that’s never been the case with innovative indie darlings They Might Be Giants. Throughout their decades-long career, the band’s two principals and former college chums, John Flansburgh and John Linnell, have shared nearly two dozen albums of lush, melodic and occasionally wonky music flush with instantly engaging hooks, low-key humor and surreptitiously infectious sounds. And while they mostly operate outside the parameters of commercial pop, they’ve nevertheless managed to infiltrate the media’s mainstream, via TV theme songs, commercials and the occasional incidental offering. Appropriating their name from the 1971 film They Might Be Giants (which, in turn, was taken from a passage in the novel “Don Quixote”), they’ve managed to pursue an unlikely trajectory ever since. It was initiated with their so-called “Dial-A-Song” service using a single telephone in their Brooklyn apartments, and culminated with their classic album Flood, which they’re currently performing in full on a massive national tour celebrating the band’s 40th anniversary. They’re also touting their latest release, Box, an art book and album that recently garnered them a Grammy nomination. Mostly though, they’re bringing their music to a vast spectrum of fans who have come to adore such wonderfully weird offerings as “Istanbul,” “Ana Ng,” “Birdhouse in Your Soul,” and, natch, “Your Racist Friend.” What better proof that even nerds adore nuance.They Might Be Giants perform at 6:30 pm on Wednesday, May 10 at The Depot. Tickets for this 21 + show cost $92 through stub hub. com. (Lee Zimmerman)

LAURA MOREAU DAVID BRENDAN HALL

Pearl and the Oysters Death Grips

BY ROB BREZSNY

ARIES (March 21-April 19)

Before going on to form the band called The Beatles, John Lennon, George Harrison and Paul McCartney performed under various other names: the Quarrymen, Japage 3 and Johnny and the Moondogs. I suspect you are currently at your own equivalent of the Johnny and the Moondogs phase. You’re building momentum. You’re gathering the tools and resources you need. But you have not yet found the exact title, descriptor or definition for your enterprise. I suggest you be extra alert for its arrival in the coming weeks.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

I’ve selected a passage to serve as one of your prime themes during the rest of 2023. It comes from poet Jane Shore. She writes, “Now I feel I am learning how to grow into the space I was always meant to occupy, into a self I can know.” Dear Taurus, you will have the opportunity to grow ever-more assured and self-possessed as you embody Shore’s description in the coming months. Congratulations in advance on the progress you will make to more fully activate your soul’s code.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

Georges Rouault (1871-1958) was a Gemini painter who bequeathed the world over 3,000 works of art. There might have been even more. But years before he died, he burned 315 of his unfinished paintings. He felt they were imperfect, and he would never have time or be motivated to finish them. I think the coming weeks would be a good time for you to enjoy a comparable purge, Gemini. Are there things in your world that don’t mean much to you anymore and are simply taking up space? Consider the possibility of freeing yourself from their stale energy.

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

Britain occupied India for almost 200 years. It was a ruthless and undemocratic exploitation that steadily drained India’s wealth and resources. Mahatma Gandhi wasn’t the only leader who fought British oppression, but he was among the most effective. In 1930, he led a 24-day, 240-mile march to protest the empire’s tyrannical salt tax. This action was instrumental in energizing the Indian independence movement that ultimately culminated in India’s freedom. I vote to make Gandhi one of your inspirational role models in the coming months. Are you ready to launch a liberation project? Stage a constructive rebellion? Martial the collaborative energies of your people in a holy cause?

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

As crucial as it is to take responsibility, it is also essential to recognize where our responsibilities end and what should be left for others to do. For example, we usually shouldn’t do work for other people that they can just as easily do for themselves. We shouldn’t sacrifice doing the work that only we can do and get sidetracked doing work that many people can do. To be effective and to find fulfillment in life, it’s vital for us to discover what truly needs to be within our care and what should be outside of our care. I see the coming weeks as a favorable time for you to clarify the boundary between these two.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Virgo-born Marie Laveau (1801–1881) was a powerful Voodoo priestess, herbalist, activist and midwife in New Orleans. According to legend, she could walk on water, summon clairvoyant visions, safely suck the poison out of a snake’s jowls and cast spells to help her clients achieve their heart’s desires. There is also a wealth of more tangible evidence that she was a community activist who healed the sick, volunteered as an advocate for prisoners, provided free teachings and did rituals for needy people who couldn’t pay her. I hereby assign her to be your inspirational role model for the coming weeks. I suspect you will have extra power to help people in both mysterious and practical ways.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

What are the best methods to exorcize our personal demons, ghosts and goblins? Or at least subdue them and neutralize their ill effects? We all have such phantoms at work in our psyches, corroding our confidence and undermining our intentions. One approach I don’t recommend is to get mad at yourself for having these interlopers. Never do that. The demons’ strategy, you see, is to manipulate you into being mean and cruel to yourself. To drive them away, I suggest you shower yourself with love and kindness. That seriously reduces their ability to trick you and hurt you—and may even put them into a deep sleep. Now is an excellent time to try this approach.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

As she matured, Scorpio poet Sylvia Plath wrote, “I am learning how to compromise the wild dream ideals and the necessary realities without such screaming pain.” I believe you’re ready to go even further than Plath was able to, dear Scorpio. In the coming weeks, you could not merely “compromise” the wild dream ideals and the necessary realities. You could synergize them and get them to collaborate in satisfying ways. Bonus: I bet you will accomplish this feat without screaming pain. In fact, you may generate surprising pleasures that delight you with their revelations.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Some primates use herbal and clay medicines to self-medicate. Great apes, chimpanzees, bonobos and gorillas ingest a variety of ingredients that fight against parasitic infection and help relieve various gastrointestinal disturbances. (More info: https://tinyurl.com/PrimatesSelfMedicate.) Our ancestors learned the same healing arts, though far more extensively. And many Indigenous people today still practice this kind of self-care. With these thoughts in mind, Sagittarius, I urge you to spend quality time in the coming weeks deepening your understanding of how to heal and nurture yourself. The kinds of “medicines” you might draw on could be herbs, and may also be music, stories, colors, scents, books, relationships and adventures.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

The mythic traditions of all cultures are replete with tales of clashes. If we draw on these tales to deduce what activity humans enjoy more than any other, we might conclude that it’s fighting with each other. But I hope you will avoid this normal habit as much as possible during the next three weeks, Capricorn. I am encouraging you to actively repress all inclinations to tangle. Just for now, I believe you will cast a wildly benevolent magic spell on your mental and physical health if you avoid arguments and skirmishes. Here’s a helpful tip: In each situation you’re involved in, focus on sustaining a vision of the most graceful, positive outcome.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Is there a person who could serve as your Über Mother for a while? This would be a wise and tender maternal ally who gives you the extra nurturing you need, along with steady doses of warm, crisp advice on how to weave your way through your labyrinthine decisions. Your temporary Über Mother could be any gender, really. They would love and accept you for exactly who you are, even as they stoke your confidence to pursue your sweet dreams about the future. Supportive and inspirational. Reassuring and invigorating. Championing you and consecrating you.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

Congratulations on acquiring the Big New Riddle! I trust it will inspire you to grow wiser and kinder and wilder over the coming months. I’ve compiled some clues to help you unravel and ultimately solve this challenging and fascinating mystery. 1. Refrain from calling on any strength that’s stingy or pinched. Ally yourself solely with generous power.

2. Avoid putting your faith in trivial and irrelevant “benefits.” Hold out for the most soulful assistance.

3. The answer to key questions may often be, “Make new connections and enhance existing connections.”

ACROSS

1. Animated sort

5. Start of some “Jeopardy!” answers

10. Does a hit on

14. Architect Mies van der ____

15. “I’m ready to be dazzled by your presentation”

16. Vex

17. ____-Free (contact lens solution)

18. Hold that’s illegal in amateur wrestling

20. Holy hymn

22. Barflies

23. Realm from 800 to 1806: Abbr.

24. German “a”

25. Something up one’s sleeve

28. AARP members: Abbr.

29. Involuntary action

30. Like something that really captures the spirit of a cultural moment

33. Grandma

34. Dizzying MoMA works

35. Karaoke bar needs

36. Lead-in to a know-it-all’s opinion

39. Protected

40. Resident of 123 Sesame Street

41. Cots, e.g.

42. Line that was drawn north of the South

47. Prefix with skeleton

48. Young boxer, e.g.

49. ____ Paulo, Brazil

50. Green: Prefix

51. Where Gal Gadot was born: Abbr.

52. ____ food movement

54. High-def flat screen

56. Acute uneasiness ... or this puzzle’s theme

60. Line score in a football shutout

61. French for “evening”

62. Lightened (up)

63. Apt. building manager

64. Makes a choice

65. Arduous journeys

66. What soccer teams often play to DOWN

1. Saint-____ (French resort)

2. “I made a boo-boo!”

3. All-Star pitcher/hitter Shohei

4. Playwright Simon

5. Conservation org. with a panda logo

6. The Rockets, on scoreboards

7. Harry’s Hedwig and Ron’s Pigwidgeon, e.g.

Slippity Slide

It’s been all over the news—two homes in Draper slid down the mountain. Like so many, I watched the news footage of the two homes breaking apart on a snowy evening, moving in slow motion down the ravine.

Luckily, no one was injured as Draper City officials had the owners move out a few months earlier and fenced off the properties from lookyloos. Why did this happen?

First, we’ve had a ton of snow. Alta broke records with over 900 inches (75 feet!) this past season, and big snow means lots of water. Once the soil gets rehydrated to its maximum capacity, it makes for loose ground.

8. “Start from the beginning”

9. Watch party?

10. The Magic, on scoreboards

11. Mexican restaurant item

12. Old Italian coins

13. Iroquois Confederacy tribe

19. End for prophet or priest

21. Bird in the crow family

26. Copy machine stack

27. Oscar winner Sorvino

31. Aristocratic types, in British slang

32. Ocular woes

33. Second-generation Japanese-American

35. Die-hard

46. House rejection

48. Three-pronged Greek letter

53. Like a sage

55. It’s a thing in Mexico

57. QB targets

58. Shriek after a squeak

59. 1960s campus activist grp.

Last week’s answers

In this case, the homes were built on fill dirt added to the South Mountain “bench”—Utah’s term for foothills because, frankly, they look like benches, but they’re remnants of the shoreline of ancient Lake Bonneville.

That ground is alluvial soil—which consists of earth and sand left from where the lake once was—and it’s always a crap shoot when you build on a high slope on this kind of dirt. But Edge Builders insist they did everything right when they opted to put in a subdivision there. Draper City Mayor Troy Walker told the press that it seemed obvious proper construction procedures were not followed, and Draper City is now investigating how this disaster happened.

Data Analyst(American Fork, UT) Analyze, manipulate, or process large sets of data using statistical software. Create graphs, charts, or other visualizations to convey the results of data analysis using specialized software. Identify business problems or management objectives through data analysis. Prepare & present evaluation and predictive reports. 40hrs/wk, Bachelor’s degree in Statistics or related required. Resume to Nutricost Fulfillment, LLC Attn. KIM, Saemi, 351 E 1750 N, Vineyard, UT 84059

Complete the grid so that each row, column, diagonal and 3x3 square contain all of the numbers 1 to

No math is involved. The grid has numbers, but nothing has to add up to anything else. Solve the puzzle with reasoning and logic. Solving time is typically 10 to 30 minutes, depending on your skill and experience.

Second: If your home slides down a mountain and is just a bunch of sticks and sheetrock, do you have to keep paying the mortgage? You are indeed stuck with paying the mortgage, but you can hope insurance will cover your losses. However, if you didn’t have flood or earthquake insurance, you might be totally screwed because regular homeowner policies don’t cover this sort of disaster.

Maybe you live near a creek, river or reservoir that looks to be a candidate for flooding if the snow melt increases its speed, and you have decided to bite the bullet and get flood insurance through FEMA or a private insurance broker. Know that for most policies, there’s a 30-day waiting period to be able to use the flood insurance, and a 10- to 30-day waiting period to use your earthquake insurance.

You may still have time to get insured! During the floods of the early ’80s, our streams and rivers were manageable despite the heavy snow load until temperatures hit in the 90s on Memorial Day weekend. The snowmelt happened too fast. It was hard for water to stay in its banks, and we had to get all hands on deck to build sandbag walls along many ma-

streets along the Wasatch Front.

WITH BABS DELAY Broker, Urban Utah Homes & Estates, urbanutah.com

Creme de la Weird

The Mondaiji Con Cafe Daku (loosely translated: Problem Child Concept Cafe) in Sapporo, Japan, was forced to fire one of its waitresses in April after she was discovered to be adding her own blood to cocktails, the Daily Mail reported. The cafe owner called her actions “absolutely not acceptable” and said the establishment would close while every drinking glass was replaced. “We will hire a contractor to clean the store, change glasses and dispose of alcoholic beverages that may have been contaminated,” he said. He called her actions “part-time job terrorism.” A local doctor said anyone who had patronized the cafe should visit a doctor and have a blood test.

It’s a Mystery

Over the last several months, Don Powell and his wife, Nancy, have been puzzling over uninvited inhabitants of their fancy mailbox in Orchard Lake, Michigan. USA Today reported that in August 2022, two small dolls, a miniature couch and a small table appeared in the mailbox, which is custom-built to resemble the Powells’ home, with windows and a solar-powered interior light that comes on at night. The dolls were accompanied by a note: “We’ve decided to live here. Mary and Shelley.” Powell thought a neighbor might be spoofing him, but after exhaustive investigatory work, he’s no closer to knowing the source of the figures. Over time, the home gained a four-poster bed, a dog, a rug and art for the wall. “The whole thing got rather whimsical,” Powell said. At Halloween, Mary and Shelley were replaced by two skeleton dolls dressed in black, and at Christmas, tiny, wrapped gifts appeared. Now, Powell is thinking of writing a children’s book about the mailbox mystery. “I think it creates a novel story,” he said.

The Continuing Crisis

Angel Footman, 23, a teacher at Griffin Middle School in Tallahassee, Florida, was arrested on April 7 and charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor, the New York Post reported. The charges came after school administrators learned Footman was allegedly hosting violent brawls between students in her classroom. Naturally, she set down rules: no recordings and no pulling hair. No screaming (draws attention). Fights must be limited to 30 seconds each. However, several sixth-grade girls alerted administrators, and video turned up showing Footman at her desk while students fought each other. She’s scheduled for arraignment in May.

Bright Idea

Drivers along Interstate 5 near Eugene, Oregon, were startled on April 11 to see $100 bills floating through the air, Fox News reported. In fact, many cars stopped along the highway to grab the loot. When the Oregon State Police tracked down the source, it was Colin Davis McCarthy, who told them he’d been throwing the money out of his car to “bless others.” He said he thought he’d dispersed around $200,000. The OSP later revealed that McCarthy’s family had been in touch; he had depleted a shared family bank account for his Robin Hood moment.

News That Sounds Like a Joke

Northern Railway in England has made a specific appeal to its riders: Please stop watching porn on the train. The Mirror reported that Northern provides “Friendly Wi-fi,” which meets (apparently the bare) minimum filtering standards. Tricia Williams, chief operating officer, said people should remember that “some content is not suitable for everyone to see or hear—particularly children.” While the company understands that the ride may be “the first opportunity to view content,” commuters should “wait until you get home.”

Precocious

Anthony Guglielmi, chief of communications for the Secret Service, told CNN on April 18 that a toddler was able to breach the fence around the White House, set-

ting off security alarms. The “curious young visitor” crawled through the fence posts on the north side and was quickly apprehended by Secret Service police officers, who reunited him with his parents. Perhaps he’s considering a bid for 2052.

Update

Last week, News of the Weird reported that former California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger had taken street maintenance matters into his own hands and filled a pothole in his neighborhood. His good deed turned out to be an “oops” moment, though, according to the Associated Press. The “pothole” was actually a utility trench that had been temporarily filled by Southern California Gas Co. and was set to be fixed permanently later. SoCal Gas said rain had delayed the permanent paving. The Terminator tweeted, “Teamwork. Happy to help speed this up.”

Questionable Judgment

Parents of students at Desert Hills Middle School in Kennewick, Washington, are questioning the thinking behind a school assembly activity that took place before spring break, YakTriNews reported. The game involved a large piece of clear plexiglass with stripes of whipped cream sprayed on both sides; teams of students and staff competed to see who could lick the cream off both sides at the same time, making it appear as if the two people were kissing. District Superintendent Dr. Traci Pierce sent a letter to parents on April 12, which assured them that “The content of a video being shared on social media is highly concerning” and the activity “does not reflect the high standards we hold for our staff members.” An investigation is underway.

Nyet

Olga Slegina, 70, was hit with a fine of about $500 on April 18 in Moscow for a remark she made in December about Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy, the Daily Mail reported. While speaking with another woman at a care home in Nalchik, Slegina called Zelenskyy, 45, a “handsome young man” with a “good sense of humor.” That’s a no-no in Russia; the Code of Administrative Offenses, introduced in March 2022, characterized her comment as “discrediting” the Russian military. Slegina was told that three people reported her over the discussion, and she was taken to a police station and told she had “praised Zelenskyy.” She was unable to attend the trial due to health reasons and intends to file an appeal.

Overreaction

A Monopoly game in Belgium on April 2 took a sinister turn, Sky News reported. Four people were playing the game outside their home when a neighboring man and his son, apparently annoyed by the players, came outside with a stick and a Japanese samurai sword in a sheath. A scuffle ensued, and the sword came out of its sheath; police said two men—one of the players and the son—were injured by the weapon. The Monopoly player was later discharged from the hospital, but the son was reported to be in critical condition. Both men had been arrested. Large patches of blood and scattered Monopoly cards marked the spot of the dispute.

Awesome!

A batch of ale originally brewed to celebrate King Edward VIII’s coronation in 1937 will hit the auction block, Sky News reported. Edward abdicated the throne before his coronation in order to marry American divorcee Wallis Simpson. The Coronation Ale went into storage until it was uncovered in 2011; several crates of the 86-year-old beer will be auctioned off in advance of King Charles III’s coronation in May. The brewer, Greene King, says the beer is no longer drinkable and the bottles will just be collectors’ items. (Keep an eye on News of the Weird for the unlucky collector who can’t resist a sip.)

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