City Weekly Jan 23, 2014 by Copperfield Publishing

C I T Y W E E K LY. N E T J A N U A RY 2 3 , 2 0 1 4 | V O L . 3 0 N 0 . 3 7

If City Weekly readers were legislators, things would be a lot different here. By Eric S. Peterson & Colby Frazier

CONTENTS

2014 LEGISLATIVE PREVIEW

MUSIC

By Eric S. Peterson & Colby Frazier

Prepare to enter the Twilight Zone of Utah politics. Cover illustration by Susan Kruithof 4 LETTERS

Opinion

2 | JANUARY 23, 2014

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The Autumn Defense fight seasonal depression on Fifth. COMMUNITY

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Eight reasons your football team lost last weekend.

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P U R C H A S E

ROCK’N UTAH for 35 YEARS

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Letters All Hail King Herbert

Dear Gov. Herbert: I appreciate all of your hard work and dedication to the people of Utah. I feel obliged to speak for the majority of Utahns: those who support your decision to no longer recognize those same-sex marriages that were performed for hundreds of citizens up until the SCOTUS stay. I wanted to say thank you, and offer you the support that you will need for the next few months—hell, maybe even years! It takes a lot of courage to be the first governor in the history of the United Sates to invoke divine right. I am so glad to have an elected leader who is not afraid to stand up to pesky things like the Constitution, public opinion, equality, due process, law, common sense and common decency. I cannot believe that people would have the audacity to ask you to “Let it Stand.” How dare they! It’s clearly in the Utah Constitution (which doesn’t apply to you, my lord) that marriage is between a man and a woman. I mean, come on, a rally at the Capitol to protest your decision—what good will that do? Have these people never taken a history class? France’s Louis XIV, the Sun King, never swayed to the will of his people. Nor shall Herbert the Honorable! King George III had no desire to recognize his “American” subjects as equal, and therefore His Royal Highness Herbert shan’t recognize the “gay” citizens of Utah! Your majesty, you have my support. Thank you for standing up to the law and rights. Imagine if you gave into the radical notion of the rebellious couples who want to be treated

WRITE US: Salt Lake City Weekly, 248 S. Main, Salt Lake City, UT 84101. E-mail: comments@cityweekly.net. Fax: 801-575-6106. We reserve the right to edit for length and clarity. Preference will be given to letters that are 300 words or less and sent uniquely to City Weekly. Full name, address and phone number must be included, even on e-mailed submissions, for verification purposes. as equal and with respect under the “law.” What’s next? Will they want to buy homes, raise children, have jobs and pay taxes? What if they even want to run for public office? Thank you, and God bless you. Long live the King, His Royal Highness Gary Herbert!

I’m a senior citizen in poor health. My wife, also a senior, is disabled. We are both well-educated, informed and have our own belief system. We don’t need naive teenagers telling us off because they have tunnel vision and do not respect the beliefs of others.

Corbin Edginton Cedar City

Ted Ottinger Taylorsville

Belittling Beliefs

LGBT Therapy? There’s a Guild for That

I’d heard rumors that people were leaving the LDS Church in droves. I really began to believe these rumors when two female missionaries came to my door. I live in a gated community primarily for senior citizens. Door-to-door salespeople are prohibited from calling on residents without appointments, so the two women came to my door in violation of community rules. I foolishly welcomed them into my living room. When I pointed out some of the obvious fallacies of the book of Mormon, the missionaries became hostile. One of the missionaries kept yelling, “How dare you!” and the other said I’d insulted a servant of the lord. Then both threatened that I would learn the truth when I died, implying I would be punished in the afterlife. This experience suggested to me the desperation of the church to get new converts. It also indicated how frightened and defensive missionaries can become when presented with truths, such as that Native Americans are not Jewish.

Thank you for bringing attention to the unmet needs of the LGBTQ community [5 Spot, Jan. 16, City Weekly]. Dozens of Utah therapists had the same concerns and joined together in 2003 to form the LGBTQ Affirmative Psychotherapists Guild of Utah, an organization of licensed mental-health professionals and students in training. We have more than 100 active members dedicated to providing therapy services to the LGBTQ community. Our website, LGBTQTherapists.com, has an online directory, searchable by county and specialty, of licensed Utah therapists who are experienced with the LGBTQ community.

Jim Struve Coordinator, LGBTQ-Affirmative Psychotherapist Guild of Utah

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Class Act

A few weeks ago, I accidentally found out a few of my students really hate my class. (I discovered some comments online—I know, rookie mistake.) They hate that “we talk about religion all the time” (we just finished a unit on World Religions in Humanities), and they found the video we watched on the Parthenon “super boring.” Each complainer had something else in common: a slew of unexcused absences. So, yeah, can you hate a class you don’t attend? This is the existential question of my school year. It’s been a challenging year, teachingwise. For the previous three years, I taught roughly the same group of kids. I had them as shy sophomores, struggled through their mini rebellions during junior year and felt proud as I watched them receive college acceptance letters as seniors. I watched a group of students grow up. This year, I feel like my classroom is full of strangers. My students are all new kids, some of whom don’t laugh at my jokes and get mad when I make them analyze art. I know I sometimes look at my not-sodistant teaching past with rose-colored glasses. I shouldn’t forget the student who showed up my second year of teaching in full Juggalo regalia, threatening to “take me out” for “talking shit.” Still, I pride myself on my ability to engage reluctant students. I’m a recovering reluctant learner myself. I spent my high school career skipping classes I deemed unimportant and interrupting the classes I liked. I remember feeling certain that my teachers were lying when they told me I would use the skills from their class in my future career. They weren’t lying. Not only do I use the skills I managed to pick up in class, but sometimes when I’m stuck on how to teach a difficult text, or struggling to find a way to engage my students, I think back to how my best and favorite teach-

BY STEPHANIE LAURITZEN

ers taught. They are my models for my teaching career, and I wish I had paid more attention. But all I can do is channel those memories into some pretty good teaching practice. Because, despite what some disgruntled teens may tell you, I am a good teacher. I’m not perfect—I make thousands of mistakes each school year, but I am good and, most importantly, I care. Outside of raising my daughter, this is the most important thing I will do with my life, so I care. Every year, I rewrite curriculum so that we learn about the current events my students say they care about. I try to give my students opportunities to be active and creative learners. When we studied Rome, we made our classroom into a mini empire and tried to solve all the problems with monopoly money and soldiers using sweatshirts as capes. (Unfortunately, we didn’t solve much. Most of my students just ended up assassinating one another, which is at least true to history.) With a combination of success and failure, I’ve spent four years creating a positive learning environment for my 214 students. I care, so it rattled me to discover the vitriol behind the comments from some of my students. How can they hate my class? Why aren’t they coming? Now, I’m not naïve; I know that even my best students and favorite classes have complained about me, and that it will happen every year for the rest of my teaching career. But ignorance is bliss, and I’d certainly never seen student complaints written out on a public forum with such passion. For a few weeks, it made me really paranoid. I started to see my students as my enemies, people to be corralled and controlled—because while you can’t con-

6 | JANUARY 23, 2014

trol how a person feels, you can at least micromanage them in class. Alternately, I’d start to question my dedication to a rigorous curriculum. Maybe I should be less strict? Maybe I shouldn’t assign so much work? Recently, a former student came to visit me. He graduated last year, and was excited to tell me all about his college classes and what he was learning in his new humanities class. Talking to former students as a peer is still a new experience for me, and it was fun to see him use what I’d taught him in a small way. My former student ended our conversation with a comment about how college is fun because he “finally cares about learning,” and I remembered something important: In high school, he was sometimes a mediocre student. He’d sleep through my class, goof off with his friends and forget to turn in work. I’m sure there were times he didn’t like me, and was vocal about it with his friends. But the worst thing I could have done would be to change my teaching style so that he would like me more. Because I care, even when my students don’t realize it, even when they don’t like me, and even when they think the material is boring. While it is natural to seek approval, my job isn’t to be my students’ best friend; my job is to keep teaching. So, I keep trying, hoping that, someday, my students will see themselves as recovering reluctant learners who grew into intellectually curious adults. And I remind myself to not forget the great kids I currently teach who show up every day ready to learn. In high school, I thought kids like them were a little crazy, but now I’d be crazy to forget that they deserve a great teacher, too. Plus, they laugh at my jokes. CW

Outside of raising my daughter, this is the most important thing I will do with my life, so I care.

Send feedback to comments@cityweekly.net.

What kind of student were you? Paydn Augustine: My senior year of high school was great. I never did any homework, I aced every test I took, and I pretty much controlled all the design art in the school. I had my own room complete with microwave, TV, Xbox and all the art supplies I wanted for free. Needless to say, I spent a lot of time ditching class. But that’s what kids who smoke cigarettes in high school do, right?

Paula Saltas: I was more like a Sandra Dee than a Rizzo. I haven’t changed one bit. Colin Wolf: For some reason, I was voted “best person to be stranded on a desert island with” my senior year. I like to think that it was because of my personality, but it was probably because I was really skinny and could be easily overpowered and eaten in an extreme situation.

Pete Saltas: I was the straight-A student who skipped class as often as possible and ended up in detention multiple times per week as a result.

Kolbie Stonehocker: I was a huge dork in school: hung out in the library before class, (near) perfect grades, played in the orchestra, obsessed with Lord of The Rings. I could have played the stereotypical geek in any high school movie.

Rachel Piper: I was an academic achiever, but my shiny reputation had a few tarnishes—I was perpetually tardy, skipped class whenever I could get away with it and was always getting in trouble for talking, falling asleep or passing notes.

Reader Response Natalie Neff: I was the goody-goody who failed all my classes because I wasn’t very smart.

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HITS&MISSES by Katharine Biele @kathybiele

Pointless Polls Sunday must be poll day for Salt Lake City newspapers. Yes, everyone wants to know what everyone else thinks about things, but surely there’s a point at which opinion doesn’t matter. Take air quality, for instance. Do we really care that some oppose public transit because they don’t want to pay for it, or that there’s a 7 percent minority that isn’t concerned about air quality? T he Salt Lake Tribune devoted its front page to the issue. Air quality should be a societal problem for which there should be a community concern—not unlike containing an outbreak of the bubonic plague. Oh, well, it’s nice to know most people want stricter rules, even if they don’t know what that means. Meanwhile, the Deseret News thought it more important to poll people about same-sex marriage. Like we didn’t know what they thought.

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Thank you, Robert Redford, for sticking with Utah and bringing the world to one of the least progressive states in the nation at least once a year. It’s good for us. We hope it’s good for the world to see the incredible mountains of Park City and to ignore the inversions of Salt Lake City. Utah revels in the independent films that make Sundance great, and conservatives should take heart in the fact that many of these filmmakers pulled themselves up by their bootstraps. Still, you’ve gotta love it when the iconic George Takei wonders in a Tribune interview why our governor is so mean-spirited about the same-sex marriage thing. A gay-friendly crowd managed to party at Sundance in support of the issue. Takei ought to ask Gov. Gary Herbert about Medicaid expansion, too.

Come Together No sooner had Salt Lake County Mayor Ben McAdams given his State of the County address than his detractors began their chants. No, it wasn’t about expanding preschool, giving money to the Clark Planetarium or even helping ex-cons. It was about Millcreek and some residents’ desire to secede from the union before there’s even really a union. McAdams’ vision is for a lockedin unincorporated county—something naysayers call a “patchwork city.” Some residents want to annex to Holladay, but others want to become a lone city— none of that west-side stuff for them. “This mentality of us versus them, we’ve got to get past that. We live in a world where we’ve got to unify as a Salt Lake Valley,” McAdams told ABC 4.

FIVE SPOT

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Daniel Fox, the ex-Quebecois founder of The Wild Image Project, is fascinated by large mammals and spends much of his time studying them in exotic environments, including the volcanic landscape of Hawaii, the Alaskan coast and, recently, Utah’s own Antelope Island. He was drawn to the island for its large, freeroaming buffalo population, which is one of the largest in the United States. A lover of nature, animals and life in general, Daniel attempts to capture the wild images the world has to offer through his photography and writing. Follow his adventures on WildImageProject.com. For the full interview, visit CityWeekly.net.

It seems like you got really close to the buffaloes. Did you have any close calls? I don’t try to stress or pressure the animals. But I had maybe two or three close calls. If they see you and you don’t move, then you have good chances. On a couple of occasions, they literally came up about 10 feet away from me. At that moment, you just have to be really relaxed, not nervous, because when you deal with wild animals, it’s about who holds the fear. If you show that you’re afraid, you’ve given away your security, and it’s the same way with them. It’s obviously not something to recommend to anyone. At the park, people are supposed to stay in their cars or on the trails. Funnily enough, apparently there are more accidents with buffaloes in the United States than there are with bears. The reason is that people push the envelope a lot more with buffaloes. With bears, usually people are more afraid, so they will keep their distance.

Your experiences remind me of Into the Wild. Do you see any similarities between you and Chris McCandless? I definitely have a different rationale for going into the wild than he did. He idealized nature as this separate place where we go and find peace. We look at nature from the outside, like we’re not a part of it, when in reality we’re all a part of the dynamic force that is the planet. There is an extreme disconnect with nature nowadays. Nature is something we put on the wall or that we click “like” on Facebook. It’s not an easy place; it’s a really cruel, hard place. You have the predators and the prey; everyone has to survive. But after you spend a lot of time in it, it is a really humbling experience. You realize that nature is bigger than you and you bring your ego down a little bit, realizing that the human species is just one of the species in the complexity of life.

How can people learn to let go of technology and embrace more of nature? The reality with evolution is that we change when there’s an incentive to change. If there’s no incentive to change, people don’t change. It is one of the underlying problems with the conservation movement right now. They think that just because we know, we will be changing. It’s like how it says on boxes of cigarettes that it will kill you, but people still smoke anyway. You have to have a physical incentive for people to change. When it comes to technology, right now, people’s connection with it is one of pleasure—it creates something that people crave, it makes them feel good. When you go on Facebook, it’s this instant gratification. I post my life on it, and then people acknowledge me. Until there is a place where people start to see consequences that affect their quality of life, people are just going to eat technology up.

Hilary Packham comments@cityweekly.net @packdawg4

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We need to think this through, Howard. I understand the appeal of piracy in the Jack Sparrow mold, although I personally could skip the eyeliner. However, one must ask whether tricorn-and-parrot-type piracy is a paying proposition in the modern age. Let’s start with the ship. I’m assuming you want a classic wooden vessel, and from your specifications I gather you want something huge, on the order of Blackbeard’s pride, the Queen Anne’s Revenge. While this isn’t something you can price on Amazon, we can make estimates based on other reconstruction efforts. A 27-meter replica of the Black Pearl, with room for 70 tourists, eight crew and six functional bronze cannons, was listed for sale online at $2 million a while back, but was later reduced to $750,000. In 2009, the cost to build a replica of Blackbeard’s sloop Adventure, a much smaller ship than the Queen Anne’s Revenge, was estimated at $3.7 million. Since that was an 80-ton ship, I’ll project the cost to reconstruct the 200-to-300-ton Revenge at $11.6 million. Next, crew. Most pirate ships were fairly small, with maybe a dozen guns and crews of around 50, but some carried crews of more than 200, and the Queen Anne’s Revenge carried 300 to 400. You want 300, let’s figure payroll for 300. Pirate crews back in the day typically worked for a share of the plunder, but this is the 2010s, when even cutthroats expect a regular paycheck. In addition to general-purpose crew, you’re going to need a captain, first mate, quartermaster, boatswain, and so on. To estimate your likely outlay, I took current U.S. Navy pay rates and multiplied them by 1.4 to cover everything from Social Security and Medicare to 401K contributions (look, be glad I didn’t include stock options), arriving at an annual cost of $11.3 million—spreadsheet on request. Costs for food, drink, toiletries, and other essentials can be estimated by a standard business contractor per diem charge of $75 per person per day, or about $8.2 million. Total crew costs: about $19.5 million per year. OK, cannons. It may surprise you to learn that, according to the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco & Firearms, muzzleloading cannons are legal to own, so long as they don’t use exploding shells and the shot, powder and primer are all separately loaded. The Queen Anne’s Revenge sported up to 40 cannon plus numerous swivel guns and other smaller arms. A full-size 32- to 36-pound iron cannon costs about $22,000, and cannon-grade black powder is about $15 per pound. At 5 to 6 pounds of powder

SLUG SIGNORINO

per shot, firing 40 guns (let’s say) 250 times per voyage would require 55,000 pounds of powder, or about $825,000. Throwing in the price of cannonballs, we get a total armaments cost of about $5.6 million. So with the ship, crew, food and sundries, and cannon, powder and shot, you’re looking at around $36 million for a oneyear voyage. Is this a cost-effective expenditure of scarce resources? Back to our spreadsheets. The direct ransoms paid to all real-life Somali pirates were $80 million in 2010 and $135 million in 2011. Individual Somali pirates have been estimated to earn somewhere between $33,700 to $78,800 per year over a five-year career. (This happens to be more than 60 times the annual earnings of the average lawfully employed Somali.) If we take your crew of 300 and assume a median earning potential, you might be able to take in $17 million annually. In other words, after the first year, even if things go well by the standards of modern piracy, you’ll still be $19 million in the hole. Is there a cheaper way? Of course. Somali pirates, unencumbered by romantic notions, use small skiffs capable of 25 knots (although no successful attack has been perpetrated against a target vessel traveling faster than 18 knots). These typically operate in pairs sent from a mothership carrying fuel, ammunition, other supplies and any hostages previously obtained. Somali pirates don’t use cannons—just AK-47s, rocket-propelled grenades and such. When they get close enough, they try to board using hooked poles, ropes and grapnels, or lightweight ladders. (Ships with a freeboard of eight meters or more and a reasonably stouthearted crew are largely immune to such assaults.) Cost? On the assumption it’s all or mostly stolen, I’m guessing close to zip, making for a much more attractive return on investment, assuming you’re OK with the possibility of bloody death. But give that last part some thought, Howard. How many pirates in expensive suits were punished in any way whatsoever for their role in the recent financial meltdown? Lesson: For serious plunder, stick close to your desk and never go to sea. Send questions to Cecil via StraightDope. com or write him c/o Chicago Reader, 350 N. Orleans, Chicago 60654.

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JANUARY 23, 2014 | 11

Future Police SLCPD goes all-in with pricey on-body cameras for its cops. By Colby Frazier cfrazier@cityweekly.net @colbyfrazierlp

In addition to the handguns, extra ammunition magazines, Tasers, batons and handcuffs lugged around by lawenforcement personnel, about onethird of Salt Lake City’s police officers also wear cameras—cameras that cost hundreds of thousands of dollars in taxpayer money and were bought without the consent of City Hall. Each AXON Flex body camera costs $3,338. The total purchase price for 80 cameras came to $269,493, according to documents obtained by City Weekly. But the 2013 purchase was not accounted for in the department’s budget, nor was it reviewed by the Salt Lake City Council. The cameras, which have been propped up by SLCPD Chief Chris Burbank as “the way of the future,” also did not go through a competitive bid process. And other local police agencies, citing high costs of data storage and the functionality of the cameras, have greeted the technology with less enthusiasm than Burbank. The Salt Lake City Mayor’s Office didn’t know the ins & outs of the purchase, although Art Raymond, the mayor’s spokesman, says he’s sure that at some point, an expense of this size was routed through the budget. “It’s all taxpayer money and it’s all tracked very, very closely,” he says. “At some point, there has been de-facto approval given through the budget process; the council is the budget-making body.” But City Council staff say it isn’t unusual for city departments to make unbudgeted purchases during the year without seeking permission from the council. Red flags rise, they say, only when a department seeks more money than was allotted in the budget. “We didn’t talk about it in the budget at all,” says council chairman Charlie Luke, who notes that he had heard SLCPD was testing cameras but was unaware of a large purchase. “That’s the only thing I’d be surprised about, that there was 300 or so thousand dollars available in the operational budget; where exactly that came from, what it was initially appropriated for.” Burbank says he sought to have the cameras placed in the budget, but other expenses, like $250,000 for new Taser guns, and $25,000 for ballistic vests,

L aw & O r d e r took priority. Then, Burbank says, the department came across money that had been budgeted for other expenses and wouldn’t be used. Since budget surpluses don’t roll over, Burbank explains, he made a point, as he’s done in the past, to use these funds. And in this case, the quarter of a million dollars was perfect for the cameras. Burbank says this is “how we’ve always done business in the police department,” adding, “The overall amount that we spent on cameras represents about .002 percent of our overall budget, so yes, I do have quite a bit of discretion in my budget.” The department’s operating budget for the current fiscal year is $55.8 million. There are advantages to making purchases outside of the budget arena: namely, Burbank doesn’t have to seek City Council approval. But the police chief says there is no temptation to purposefully overestimate the costs of an item in order to end up with loose cash that can be spent without the City Council looking over his shoulder. “The notion that I could somehow get more money is not realistic,” he says. “It would be very, very difficult.” Burbank says the purchases he makes with leftover money aren’t always in the quarter-million-dollar range. Sometimes, he says, there’s only money for a couple of new radios. Burbank first began touting the benefits of on-body cameras in late 2012, when the CEO of Taser International, the company that makes the cameras, came to Salt Lake and gave a demonstration at a news conference. A few months later, police officials across the Salt Lake Valley began experimenting with the cameras. The Valley Police Alliance, a loose contingency of police chiefs who meet to discuss pooling resources, distributed 120 cameras among eight local police departments. The Salt Lake City Police Department has more enthusiastically bought into the program. In June 2013, five months after receiving the initial 15 cameras, SLCPD purchased 80 more, bringing its fleet to 95. Burbank says he aims to have a body camera on every officer in the near future, as funds allow. “Basically, what my intention is, is to do a full deployment with all officers that come into [contact with] the public,” Burbank says. “We are maybe a third of the way with where we want to be.” Officials from several different departments agree that having onofficer cameras could provide a host of benefits. Chief among them is bolstering officer and citizen accountability. Burbank believes the cameras will shed light on deadly force situations, and says they have proven effective so far at reducing citizen complaints.

COURTESY SLCPD

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12 | JANUARY 23, 2014

NEWS

Detective Bill Silver of the Salt Lake City Police Department demonstrates the AXON Flex body camera. SLCPD has 95 of the cameras, which each cost $3,338, and plans to buy more. “In the long run, I think we’ll see the benefits,” he says. In their request to avert the competitive bidding process, police officials noted that the AXON Flex camera is the only one of its kind to mount to eyeglasses, and Burbank says the cameras seem most effective when attached to glasses where they can capture the point of view of the officer. But according to officials in West Jordan, Sandy and West Valley City, many officers clip the cameras to their collars or lapels, and the cameras then often fail to capture the scene, pointing off at the ground or in another direction. Dan Roberts, a spokesman for the West Jordan Police Department, says the 15 cameras he’s dealt with have not proven durable. So far, he’s had to replace five, which were under warranty. “They’re difficult to keep aimed directly straight ahead,” he says. And when they do work, Roberts says, he’s seen mixed results. “You bump them or move or something, and they end up pointing down at the ground, so the video’s not that good, but the sound is all right.” West Valley City Police Chief Lee Russo, whose department received 15 of the cameras, says he isn’t sold on the AXON Flex because it must be manually turned on before it will store more than 30 seconds of video. The cameras are always recording, but automatically delete everything that’s older than 30 seconds unless the officer presses a

button—a tall order when drawing a gun, Taser or protecting oneself. “In the heat of the moment … [the camera] can lose the ability to record the video just simply because the officer didn’t turn it on,” Russo says. The cameras have caused other concerns. Russo says he worries about the cameras capturing casual conversations between officers, and he isn’t yet convinced that data stored on outside servers could be easily secured or accessed. A large part of Salt Lake City’s purchase, $118,421, paid for data storage on Taser International’s servers. Kinks aside, Russo says, he would like his officers equipped with cameras, but only when they function more smoothly and carry a smaller price tag. “We want a system that’s going to work at a reasonable cost point,” he says. “I think the investment is worthwhile. It is a finance consideration because these units don’t come cheap, nor [does] the infrastructure.” By being at the forefront of the on-officer camera revolution, Burbank says, he hopes to play a part in establishing case law and best practices for the cameras. He notes that controversy and sticky legal questions can accompany new technologies, especially when they wind up in courtrooms. “I personally believe that on-body cameras will become required equipment in the not-too-distant future,” he says. CW

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the

OCHO

the list of EIGHT

by bill frost

@bill_frost

NEWS

Curses, Foiled Again

A group of young men was robbing a man in San Francisco when, without provocation, one of them pulled out a handgun and fired at the victim. The bullet ricocheted off the victim’s face and struck another robber, Clifton Chatman, 16, whom police pronounced dead at the scene. (San Francisco Chronicle)

QUIRKS

n A woman was leaving work in Oklahoma City when Corneilyus Howeth, 23, jumped into her car and pointed a gun at her. The victim managed to call her brother, who was in a hair salon a few feet away and rushed to help. The gunman forced the two back into the salon and demanded their money. When someone else walked into the salon, witnesses said, Howeth pointed the gun at that person, but one of the victims tackled the suspect and hit him with a table leg. After taking the gun from Howeth, the victims stripped him naked, pushed him outside, locked the door and called police. Howeth was arrested after being treated at the hospital for minor injuries. (Oklahoma City’s KWTV-TV)

First Things First

Eight reasons your favorite football team didn’t win last weekend:

8. The other team scored more

points.

Your team, however, scored fewer points.

This was all explained in four hours of post-game analysis.

5. The cheerleaders failed to

properly distract from the homoerotic activities on the field.

A Pakistan International Airlines flight was preparing for an on-time departure from the Lahore airport to New York City when the pilot learned that the airline’s cost-cutting policy limited the in-flight menu to peanuts, chips and cookies. He demanded “sandwiches at any cost,” even though the catering department informed him they had to come from a five-star hotel in town and that getting them would take more than two hours. The pilot insisted. The sandwiches finally arrived, and the flight took off 2 1/2 hours late. PIA official Mashhood Tajwar said the airline considered the delay “serious” and intended taking action “against those responsible for it.” (ABC News)

Slightest Provocations Helen Ann Williams, 44, stabbed a man with a ceramic squirrel when he returned home without beer because the stores were closed, according to sheriff’s deputies in North Charleston, S.C. (Associated Press) n Police arrested Dana Allen, 40, for assaulting her neighbor during an ongoing argument over a doormat at their apartment complex in Des Moines, Iowa. The victim said the doormat belongs to her, but Allen kept moving it to her own door. (Des Moines Register) n Paul Anthony Lajeunesse, 20, told sheriff’s deputies in Citrus County, Fla., that he accidentally broke the leg of a 4-week-old baby after the infant’s maternal grandmother asked him to change

4. Your Captain didn’t seat you

Money?

in your lucky booth at Buffalo Wild Wings … wait, “Captain”?

3. God obviously hates your

team and/or adopted region of the country.

Satan had no opinion, as he has better things to do—Sundance is happening!

For all of your talk about “We” and “Us” in the game, your actual contribution was pretty negligible.

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BY R O L A N D S WEE T the baby’s diaper. He explained that he didn’t intentionally hurt the child but became angry because the request came while he was playing an Xbox game, and he resented the interruption. (Florida’s Citrus Daily)

Anti-Flotation Device

A new submarine built for the Spanish navy turned out to be too heavy and sank when launched. Officials said that the 233-foot Isaac Peral, costing 1.9 billion pounds, was at least 75 tons overweight. Officials indicated that correcting the problem would take two years. (Britain’s Daily Telegraph)

Speak English During a presentation about proposed traffic improvements in Albuquerque, N.M., project lead engineer Jim Heimann was discussing building a traffic circle when he referred to the “queue” of cars that would form waiting to enter the circle. “This is America,” a woman in the audience yelled. “We don’t say ‘queues’ in America. We say ‘lines.’ We stand in line, we wait in line. We do not queue.” Presenters subsequently abandoned the word “queue” for the remainder of the meeting, although no one objected to repeated use of the British term “roundabout.” (Albuquerque Journal)

Next Step: Uniforms After reviewing 200,000 video applications, the Dutch nonprofit Mars One advanced toward its goal of sending 40 volunteers on a one-way trip to the Red Planet in 2025 by narrowing the field of applicants to 1,058. The initial cut separated “those who we feel are physically and mentally adept to become human ambassadors on Mars from those who are obviously taking the missions with much less seriousness,” Mars One co-founder Bas Lansdorp said, including “a couple of applicants” whose videos showed them in the nude. (ABC News)

Solution Begets New Problem E-cigarettes are causing flat tires because smokers are throwing spent nicotine cartridges out car windows as if they were cigarette butts. “We have seen usually one or two a week puncturing the tire,” said Tony Dewildt, manager of Belle Tire in Bay City, Mich. “They’re made out of metal, so when they slash a tire, they usually leave a pretty big gash in it.” Dewildt pointed out that the puncture usually is too big to repair, requiring victims of e-cigarette cartridges to buy new tires. (Flint’s WNEM-TV) Compiled from mainstream news sources by Roland Sweet. Authentication on demand.

CITIZEN REVOLT

by ERIC S. PETERSON @ericspeterson

The Ralph Becker Shark Tank This week, you can sign up for a 10minute meeting with Salt Lake City Mayor Ralph Becker to pitch him on the minimal investment of at least hearing your view of any matter of city business that you feel needs to be a priority for his office. This weekend, take part in the largest clean air rally in the state and demand action be taken against gunk-spitting polluters like cars, diesels, refineries and wood burners. Later, don’t miss the first day of the 2014 Legislature and learn how to keep tabs on your public servants to remind them who’s in charge.

Schedule a Meeting With SLC Mayor Ralph Becker

Scheduling from now until Jan. 29 Mayor Ralph Becker is now accepting appointments on a first-come, firstserve basis for citizens looking to set up a 10-minute window to meet with him on Jan. 29. Be sure to keep the appointment strictly to city-related issues and don’t use the time to try to appeal a decision that was made by another city board. Salt Lake City & County Building, 451 S. State, 801-5357704, scheduling now until Jan. 29 for meetings between 4-6 p.m. http://citywk.ly/1hGRJcC

Clean Air, No Excuses Saturday, Jan. 25

If Utah’s red-air days make you red in the face from anger and not just smog suffocation, then you’ll want to show up at this rally, where Utahns will demand that elected leaders do more to rein in polluters and scrub the valley’s inversion. Utah Capitol, 350 N. State, Jan. 25, noon. http://citywk.ly/1e7PM4s

First Day of the Legislature Monday, Jan. 27

It’s up to you conscientious citizens to keep an eye on your lawmakers and make sure their sausage-grindin’ is in your best interest. Visit the Legislature’s website and follow the calendar for committee and floor times or swing by the Capitol to talk directly with lawmakers about bills coming up and how they’ll be voting. Your job is quality control, and it’s time to get to work. Utah Capitol, 350 N. State, 801-538-1029, Jan. 27-March 13, Le.Utah.gov

Utah Twilight Zone

If City Weekly readers were legislators, things would be a lot different here. By Eric S. Peterson & Colby Frazier comments@cityweekly.net

—submitted on Facebook

How It Would Work

How It Would Work Snark aside, there is actually a precedent for this. In 1996, Rep. Melvin Brown, R-Coalville, helped direct the Office of Legislative Research to dig up all the outdated laws on the books. Surprisingly, the office dug up only 14 outdated laws. “I was surprised; I thought we’d have maybe 50 or 60 but it didn’t turn out that way,” Brown says. Brown doesn’t think there’s been a similar purge since and says the books might be due for another cleanup. He points out that the reason there isn’t a surplus of obsolete laws is simply because most of the work lawmakers do isn’t writing new laws, but rewriting existing laws. “We pass between 400 and 500 pieces of legislation every year, but very, very few of those are new sections of the code,” Brown says. “They’re just going back and reworking code to meet the different needs and circumstances that the public’s dictated.”

Lobbyist Restraining Orders Outta the Booze Biz

“End the state’s monopoly in the liquor business.” —submitted on Facebook

“I am going to be a rugged Ayn Rand individualist ideologue for a moment. I have approached both my District 52 representative, John Knotwell, R-Herriman, and my state senator, Aaron Osmond, R-West Jordan, and neither want to back my radical notion. It is so radical that I am sure it won’t even get a sniff test this legislative session. Not only tear down that Zion curtain, but repeal and replace the DABC, with the free markets deciding which stores can sell alcohol just like Arizona, Idaho or Nevada. Yes, we need education money—lotteries can provide that, but only one radical notion at a time.” —submitted via e-mail

How It Would Work People could order wine at a restaurant without first being interrogated about what they’ll eat, the free market—instead of a math formula—would dictate the number of bars and where they thrive, and liquor stores would be able to keep their beer cold. Sheer bedlam.

“Let’s pass a law that state legislators serve for no salary and stay at least 200 yards away from lobbyists. That way, maybe after 20 years, we might begin to believe we have one honest politician in Utah.” —submitted on Facebook

How It Would Work Either we’d root out corruption, or lobbyists would simply lose their personal touch and start sending Snapchat photos of bags of money to lawmakers and replacing sit-down power lunches with mailed Krispy Kreme gift cards.

Don’t Gas Kitty

“Ban gas chambers as a method of euthanasia in animal shelters. It’s inhumane and there’s no reason to use this outdated method.” —submitted on Facebook

How It Would Work This turns out to be a not-so-bizarro issue being targeted by Rep. Angela Romero, D-Salt Lake City, in the 2014 session. Romero attempted to pass a complete ban in the 2013 session, citing the cruelty and distress that gas-chamber euthanasia causes animals. That bill got put down after she caught flak from animal-control officers. Romero

JANUARY 23, 2014 | 15

This would be a game changer—especially if funds from stupidity citations were directed to the state general education fund. The “Fool Fine” would make Utah’s bottomof-the-barrel per-pupil spending status skyrocket for at least a generation—till the better-educated generation comes of age and revenues from the Fool Fine decline. On the downside, civilian-issued stupidity citations would give rise to a whole new court system and class of attorneys hired to prove what is or isn’t legitimately stupid. Court battles could be highly contentious, especially in settling drunken arguments like determining who would win a fight between a pirate and a ninja.

—submitted on Facebook

| CITY WEEKLY |

“It would be legal to issue civilian citations for stupidity.”

“A bill that states that lawmakers must repeal at least one existing nonsensical/outdated law on the books per year or at least provide evidential proof that they spent at least 50 hours looking for one.”

Pinhead Police

De-legislating

Reader-Submitted Laws: From the Practical to the Practically Insane

iv t a l s Legi w e i v e r P

| cityweekly.net |

ou unlock this door with the key of the imagination of a City Weekly reader. Beyond it is another dimension: a dimension where alcohol flows freely, a dimension where church and state are separate, a dimension of liberal mind. You’re moving into a new Utah political landscape, a landscape of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You’ve just crossed over into ... the Utah Twilight Zone. Can you picture it, this topsy-turvy world? If not, then let us paint a picture for you based on a collection of suggested laws submitted by City Weekly readers. If the current mantra of Utah politics is “Get your hands off my guns and the feds off my lawn!” the City Weekly-created Utah Twilight Zone mantra is more like, “Get your paws off my booze and your church out of my guv’ment!” But if the reality of Utah politics is already hard enough to wrap your brain around, don’t worry—we’ve also got you covered for what’s actually in store for the 2014 session. We’ve recapped some of the top issues that are percolating for this session, from the ethics bills designed to clean the stain of Swallow from the state’s reputation to the bills that hope to de-gunk the air. We’ll also look at the now-uphill battle for nondiscrimination protections for LGBT Utahns and will hit the books with key education bills. So prepare yourself for a journey between two worlds as we look at the twisted Utah of our readers’ imagining and the regular twisted Legislature that will soon be in session, passing the bills that will govern your life.

4 1 0 2 Plus e

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16 | JANUARY 23, 2014

Look at that moron!

Can you believe someone could be so stupid? He should be locked up!

I CAN’T STAND LOOKING AT YOU!

A world with stupidity citations is still fine-tuning her bill, but expects it will limit gas-chamber use to only feral animals that may otherwise be difficult for animal-control officers to euthanize via lethal injection. “I’d like to not see any animals put down at all, but if we are going to have to euthanize, then the most humane way is by lethal injection,” Romero says.

The Root of the Problem

“Be it enacted on this, the 10th day of January, 2014, that all members of city, county and state government in the State of Utah, be required to pass a lie-detector test, positively confirming that their decisions affecting the citizens of Utah are not influenced by their personal religious biases and prejudices. Failing to do so would automatically render them unfit and disqualified for government duty.” —submitted via e-mail

How It Would Work Utah’s new Zion wall separating church and state would open a bold and progressive chapter in Utah’s history. Of course, this state would be comprised of portions of Salt Lake County, Park City and Ogden, while the rest of what was formerly known as Utah would have split off and become the state of Deseret. The public servants of this new Mormon state, with Provo as its capital, would have to sign onto BYU-standard honor codes to serve in government.

Back to Reality: 2014 Bills to Watch

Some legislative sessions are reflections of the national crisis of the moment. In 2013, it was guns and federal sequestration; in previous sessions, it was all about immigration. But 2014 is shaping up to be a year defined largely by Utah focusing on its

own problems, like cleaning up the dirty air after choking down another winter of stick-to-your teeth inversion. Lawmakers will also be looking to clean up the dirty politics after having to choke down scandal upon scandal, all tied to the state’s ethically challenged former Attorney General John Swallow. Beyond that, the Legislature will grapple with educating the children and protecting marriage.

Red-Air Day Blues

While the air outside the Capitol might not be fit for humans to breathe this legislative session, it’s possible that legislators could take some action on the topic, as they tackle the more than a dozen proposed bills that aim to improve air quality. One such bill, which has yet to receive a name, would allow Utah regulators to exact laws and regulations that are more stringent than those required by the Environmental Protection Agency. At the moment, state regulators are prohibited from doing anything extra. In 2013, a nearly identical bill crashed and burned in the legislature’s Natural Resources, Agriculture & Environmental Committee at the feet of Rep. Mike Noel, R-Kanab. As the bill was being discussed, Noel peppered attorney Joro Walker, director of Western Resource Advocates, with questions about lawsuits she’d filed against various state agencies. Although she insisted she had not filed a lawsuit against a coal mine in Kane County, Noel blurted out: “I just want to know why she hates my grandkids and kids down there so they can’t get any jobs down there.” Matt Pacenza, policy director for HEAL Utah, says he hopes the bill is taken more seriously this year. Taking a local approach to cleaning the state’s air is what’s needed, he says. “We don’t have any laws that go beyond the EPA standards,” Pacenza says, noting that with geography and the propensity for inversion-like conditions, Utah has unique needs. “Our argument has been that Utah

needs to craft the best possible solutions for Utah without having our hands tied by some law that arbitrarily says that we can’t do anything extra.” Though not dealing specifically with improving air quality on the Wasatch Front, Rep. Jerry Anderson, R-Price, has taken a step to spell out exactly what types of components in our atmosphere are naturally occurring, and at what levels they should be considered pollutants. Anderson’s House Bill 229 would add a section to Utah’s Air Conservation Act that would state that a number of naturally occurring components, like nitrogen, argon and carbon dioxide, would not be considered “air contaminants” as long as they remain under 500 parts per million. Although Anderson insists his bill isn’t a jab at the science behind climate change— which suggests that as levels of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere rise above 400ppm (levels are currently hovering around 396ppm), temperatures will grow increasingly warmer—he offered several opinions on the topic. “We could double what we have now and go up to 700 or [800] and it wouldn’t even be a problem,” Anderson says, noting that he believes much plant life in arid areas need more CO2 to thrive. “It’s with us, it’s part of life. Just think of how cold it would have been without global warming last month.” Pacenza characterized Anderson’s bill as “a bid to prevent climate-change action by the state of Utah.” He noted that as CO2 levels continue to rise, the EPA will eventually mandate what standards the state must define as pollutants, making Anderson’s effort a “pointless message bill.” “The notion that we don’t need to regulate carbon until it hits 500 is absurd,” he says. “It’s all just depressing. It’s a circus, a sideshow, a distraction when we actually have grownup decisions to make.”

No.

Judge Shelby Deals Wild Card to LGBTNondiscrimination Debate

In 2013, a bill designed to protect LGBT Utahns from being discriminated against on the job or in housing simply for being LGBT made historic progress when bill sponsor Sen. Stephen Urquhart, R-St. George, got it passed out of a Senate committee. After that progress, however, the Senate decided to not bother hearing the bill on the full senate floor. It was a depressing setback for equality advocates, who vowed to push the bill to at least get a full debate and discussion in 2014. With an inch of progress, however, comes a full nine yards of pushback. This year, Urquhart has to contend with the possibility that lawmakers angry over federal Judge Robert Shelby’s decision to allow same-sex marriages in Utah might take their frustration out on his nondiscrimination bill. On top of that, Urquhart has to defend against the First Freedoms Coalition, an alliance of conservative groups—including the Utah Eagle Forum and conservative think tank The Sutherland Institute—that argues that the bill could impact the religious freedoms of business owners. Laura Bunker, a member of the coalition and president of United Families International—a nonprofit organization that promotes traditional families—argues that the law would create special rights for a new class of citizens, and as seen in other states, such laws lead to fines and lawsuits against religious businesses and business owners. The group’s literature lists many examples, including the case of a Colorado baker in trouble for refusing to make a cake for a gay wedding because of his Christian beliefs.

Do you let your religious beliefs influence your politics?

A world with legislative lie-detector tests

bleep! bleep! bleep!

Rep. Ryan Wilcox, R-Ogden, will again be pushing a bill to allow Utah restaurant owners to tear out their Zion Walls, the partitions the law requires shield underage patrons from the sight of wine being poured and cocktails being mixed. In 2013, the bill was wrangled through to a conference committee with Sen. John Valentine, R-Orem, the Legislature’s point man on alcohol policy, and was shut down in the final days of the session. Wilcox, however, recalls that in bartering over the bill, he did manage a small victory in passing a bill authorizing the state auditors to audit the Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control. Wilcox is realistic about the bill’s chances, recognizing that the opposition is still dug in deep in the Senate. This goaround, however, he’s optimistic he will gain a powerful ally in House Speaker Rebecca Lockhart, R-Provo, as a co-sponsor to the bill. Even if that doesn’t get the bill passed in both houses, perhaps it could lead to another small compromise. “I’ve never seen such an issue where you just take the smallest of victories and how painstaking they are to come by for how logical they seem to be,” Wilcox says. “It blows my mind.”

School Board Brawl

the hands of the state’s partisan caucus delegate system. Greene’s bill, though, might not make it far. For starters, it will run square into the brick wall that is the UEA, which opposes dousing school-board elections with political ideology. An alternative, then, is House Bill 223, brought by Rep. Jim Nielson, R-Bountiful, who wants to wash Herbert’s hands of the selection process and create a direct, nonpartisan primary election, which the UEA says it would applaud. Each representative has a different reason for his bill. For Greene, it was controversy surrounding the board’s handling of the state’s Common Core Initiative standards. Had the board been forced to answer to the people, Greene says, he doubts the Common Core standards would have been implemented. On the other hand, Nielson, who has unsuccessfully kicked similar bills around for years, says he takes issue with the rationale used years ago to essentially usurp the voters and give the selection power to the governor. “For some reason, when it comes to the state school board, the belief has been that the public is not able to do its duty, and therefore the process needs to be aided by an unelected commission,” Nielson says. “I have more trust in voters than I have in just about any other process.” Reforming the way the board is picked hasn’t proven easy. And the question, Nielson and Kelley say, isn’t whether it needs reforming, but rather if it should end up being partisan or nonpartisan. “I haven’t heard a whole lot of opposition to changing the current position,” Kelley says. “But it’s just a question of what we change it to.”

In the 11 months Attorney General John Swallow was in office, he went from being rocked by scandal to infused with scandal

The 2014 Legislative Session starts Jan. 27. City Weekly reporters Eric S. Peterson and Colby Frazier will be covering all the committees, votes, bills and bluster throughout the session. For updates, visit CityWeekly.net and follow @EricSPeterson and @ColbyFrazierLP on Twitter.

JANUARY 23, 2014 | 17

Swallowing Ethics Reforms

to ridden with scandal. And even after he resigned, special investigators released new evidence essentially showing Swallow to be drenched in scandal. But where there is shame and loathing for the state, some lawmakers see opportunity for reforms. Sen. Todd Weiler, R-Woods Cross, will be pushing legislation that would make the attorney general an appointed position, instead of an elected one, thereby removing future AGs from the conflicts that come with taking campaign donations from companies and individuals who may wind up in legal trouble with the state. Weiler also told City Weekly in 2013 that by appointing the position, “the quality of attorneys serving as AG would increase, because we would be appointing someone on their merits and not on their ability to raise money.” Rep. Kraig Powell, R-Heber City, will be running a bill similar to one from 2013 that would seek to curb the dangerous effects of “governing under the influence” of money by limiting campaign donations from a single source to no greater than $10,000. Campaign-contribution limits have long been proposed on the Hill—usually by Democrats—only to be swatted down by conservative lawmakers as infringements on donors’ First Amendment rights. But Powell says the Swallow scandal may have served as a wake-up call to his colleagues on the Hill. “We worry about things a lot but don’t know if they are really happening,” Powell says of rumors of campaign-donor backscratching. “But with some of the Swallow allegations, I think that we’ve seen actual practice of what seeking large campaign donations from influential and motivated donors can create.” CW

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When it comes to the Utah State Board of Education, the buck stops with Gov. Gary Herbert. It is he who appoints folks to the Board of Education Nominating & Recruiting Committee. Each election cycle, this committee is charged with whittling the contenders down to three candidates in each of the state’s 15 educational districts. These names are then forwarded to Herbert, who chops one off the top and selects two per district to appear on the ballot. So, even though voters think they’re choosing, they do so with Herbert guiding their hands. Mike Kelley, a spokesman for the Utah Education Association, called this semicircle of name exchange “faulty and extremely cumbersome.” Herbert’s days as Board of Education kingmaker may be numbered. State Rep. Brian M. Greene, R-Pleasant Grove, has proposed House Bill 228, which aims to strip this authority from the governor and his committee and place the selection of board members squarely in

A world without a Zion wall

In case there was any confusion about the LDS Church’s stance on gay marriage, State Rep. Jacob Anderegg, R-Lehi, has proposed a bill that would explicitly state that religious organizations won’t be forced to conduct gay marriages, if and when gay marriage returns to Zion. Anderegg’s bill, House Bill 231, went public Dec. 19, the day before U.S. District Judge Robert J. Shelby struck down Utah’s ban on gay marriage—proof, Anderegg says, that it was not a reaction to the ruling that spurred 1,300 same-sex couples to exchange vows. Anderegg emphasizes that the proposed law is not a “hate bill,” but an effort to “give certain people a certain level of comfort that the world’s not going to end because gays can marry.” But, he says, the federal government’s encroachment on state laws—specifically in the case of gay marriage—is “quashing” the 10th Amendment of the U.S. Constitution, which grants some sovereignty to the states. If the federal government can say state laws are violating same-sex couples’ rights to due process and equal protection under the 14th Amendment, as Shelby did in his ruling, then, Anderegg fears, a day may come when Washington could infringe on a religion’s First Amendment rights by ordering it to marry those it doesn’t want to marry. Hence HB231, which would leave no wiggle room in the Beehive State when it

Zion Walls and Booze Bartering

Making Double-Sure About Churches and Gays

comes to protecting a religion from having to perform a marriage it doesn’t want to—protections that the legislator admits already exist. “I hope that my bill will never actually be pushed to a final test,” Anderegg says, adding that if it does, “My bill [will hopefully] send a very clear signal to the federal government: this is where Utah stands.”

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“These nondiscrimination laws may sound reasonable, but they are not fair to everyone,” Bunker says. “That’s why we’re letting Utah citizens understand there are potential harms that come from these laws, and there is a better way to resolve these differences.” Bunker and coalition members couldn’t name a specific “better way” to resolve these differences that they would be advocating for as a compromise; they did repeat that Utahns want to get along with everyone but that using a law to create a new protected class wasn’t the way to do it. For Urquhart, the coalition’s arguments are about scaring Utahns. Urquhart’s bill, as in years past, will focus on protections in the workplace and housing while also carving out exemptions for religious organizations, including religious schools like Brigham Young University. “It’s my job to sort fact from fiction, and the campaign against [the bill], in my personal opinion, is mostly fictional,” Urquhart says, pointing out that the horror stories the coalition touts from other states wouldn’t be applicable to his legislation. “That’s always the task in fighting an issue where people are energized like this ... the people who oppose the bill are going to, more often that not, tap into that energy by stretching the truth a bit,” Urquhart says.

Oh God! Think of the Children! They can see bartenders preparing drinks!

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18 | JANUARY 23, 2014

ESSENTIALS

the

THURSDAY 1.23

Wasatch Theatre Company: Page-to-Stage Festival Wasatch Theatre Company’s 14th-annual Page-to-Stage Festival caters to two of the hallmarks of our modern era: short attention spans and romantic angst. Audiences will be presented with six back-to-back plays—the most original and comedic short plays of dozens of submissions about how people behave (and misbehave) in relationships. In Melissa Rasmussen’s Fast Food, two women bond in unexpected ways while venting about their relationships. E-Jipped is Sheri Allred’s take on love, loss and archeology. Ryan Noufer’s piece, This Play Is Sponsored by E-Harmony, is a lot less predictable than the name implies—which may or may not be a positive for you, depending on how sentimentally you feel about eHarmony advertisements. Many questions are asked by Gene Washington’s play, Existential Vertigo; some questions are answered. The Jam, by Hayley Simpson, explores the concept of the muse and how a real relationship might combat writer’s block; only by attending this play and asking Simpson herself will readers be able to discover just how autobiographical this script is (or isn’t). And finally, no exploration of modern dating would be complete without addressing blind dating or workplace drama, and John Franceschini’s play does both: In Hooking Up, a woman agrees to go on a blind date at the last minute when her co-worker has to suddenly cancel. The plays are directed by Elise Hanson and Daniel Torrence, and the cast of actors switch from role to role throughout the night, offering a fresh and lively theater experience. (Julia Shumway) Wasatch Theatre Company: Page-to-Stage Festival @ Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, 801-355-2787, Jan. 23-25, 8 p.m., 2 p.m. show Jan. 25, $15. ArtTix. org, WasatchTheatre.org

Entertainment Picks JAN. 23-29

Complete Listings Online @ CityWeekly.net

THURSDAY 1.23

FRIDAY 1.24

Comedian Tracy Morgan starred in seven seasons of Saturday Night Live; he then moved on for seven more seasons to 30 Rock, where he played a semi-fictionalized version of himself starring on a variety show called TGS With Tracy Jordan. That’s 14 seasons spent either playing sketch characters or as a parody of himself playing sketch characters. Although the more recent stint on 30 Rock is probably what made him a household name (even if it’s Jordan instead of Morgan) it’s some of those earlier characters developed at SNL that really showcase his odd sense of funny— especially the likes of Safari Planet’s Brian Fellow, who was always getting mad at the animals for looking at him strangely. And don’t forget Astronaut Jones. But now that the long-running television stints are over, Morgan has decided to head back out on the road. Morgan has done several specials over the years for HBO and Comedy Central, but his stand-up routine is far from routine. The loveably innocent and affable persona that he developed on the small screen perfectly takes the edge off his more scattered and frantic comic stylings. And no matter what he may be riffing on—like the difference between white-people-speak and black-people-speak when it comes to medical conditions like diabetes (“Oh man, you got the sugar!”)—it’s still easy to find yourself following him through every unexpected turn, and cracking a smile when he throws out “That’s crazy!”, a catchphrase that has spanned all of the different Tracys. (Jacob Stringer) Tracy Morgan @ Wiseguys West Valley, 2194 W. 3500 South, 801-4632909, Jan. 23-25, 7:30 & 10 p.m., $40. WiseguysComedy.com

In the age of the “selfie,” the face we present to the world is seemingly everything—and in the world of art, that’s no less true than anywhere else. The Utah Arts Festival Gallery is celebrating the art of mask-making with a group show of 18 artists who have crafted masks in a variety of media—everything from acrylic and leather to mixed media, spray paint, steel and sculpted clay. Participating artists include Utah Countybased Cassandra and Dan Barney; Pop-art influenced Craig Cleveland; multimedia artist Mason Fetzer; Art Access Gallery Director Sheryl Gillilan; glass artist Sarinda Jones; jewelry artist Kali Mellus; photographer Cat Palmer; printmaker James Rees; graphic designer Stephanie Swift; and the Utah Museum of Contemporary Art’s interim director, Maggie Willis. It will be not only a showcase of some outstanding local artists, but also a look beyond the surface of what a mask can be. Showing concurrently with the exhibit of masks will be artworks by Paula Montes in pencil and charcoal, and mixed-media works by Adam Fernandez—all while the UAF gears up for the annual festival in June. The mask exhibit also serves to help promote the Utah Arts Festival’s Masquerade Party fundraiser Feb. 22. A portion of proceeds from mask sales will help support Utah Arts Festival programming. (Brian Staker) Figures, Faces & the Masks We Wear @ Utah Arts Festival Gallery, 230 S. 500 West, Suite 120, 801-322-2428, through Feb. 14, free. UAF.org

The subject of the Great Salt Lake and the Spiral Jetty is currently at the forefront on the Utah Museum of Fine Arts’ artistic agenda. Beginning with Alfred Lambourne’s poetic painterly visions of the lake currently on display, the subject has now become material for contemporary English artist and filmmaker Tacita Dean, who quite literally sees the lake and the Jetty through a new lens: a 35mm camera. Dean’s film JG—named after J. G. Ballard’s science-fiction short story “The Voices of Time”—is a new investigation of nature: playful, visionary, thrilling, strange and mesmerizing. UMFA has constructed a 35mm projection booth within its first-floor galleries to show JG, which, according to the UMFA, explores notions of “time and place.” Dean explores the land art independently of materiality or space, including a focus on duration. More than most contemporary sculpture, Robert Smithson’s land art has allowed those who have studied it over the decades to consider temporality as it applies to the longevity of art, both in subject and in physical existence. JG grapples with this existential factor on an astute level, through a juxtaposition of images that have captured the Spiral Jetty from many perspectives over a span of time. (Ehren Clark) Tacita Dean’s JG: The Spiral Jetty Existentially @ Utah Museum of Fine Arts, 410 Campus Center Drive, University of Utah, 801-581-7332, Jan. 24-May 4; artist talk Jan. 24, 5 p.m., Dumke Auditorium, free. UMFA.Utah.edu

Tracy Morgan

Figures, Faces & the Masks We Wear

Tacita Dean’s JG: The Spiral Jetty Existentially

A&E

comedy

Comedian Mike Birbiglia on the craft of storytelling and his return to one-liners. By Austen Diamond comments@cityweekly.net

ust before Mike Birbiglia delivers the climax of a story—generally selfdeprecating, awkward and tragic, all at once—the comedian addresses his audience: “Before I get to this next part, remember: You’re on my side.” Luckily, it’s easy to be on Birbiglia’s side. The everyman’s comedian, actor and writer uses witty asides as spices to build his narrative-driven one-man stage shows Sleepwalk With Me and My Girlfriend’s Boyfriend. His current show, Thank God For Jokes, is a series of stories and jokes about, well, jokes.

So is that the goal when you write?

A Few Good Men Pioneer Theatre January 24

Flabbergast

Capitol Theatre January 31-February 1

Sleepy Carl would rather be in a hot tub eating a calzone. CW

Mike Birbiglia: Thank God for Jokes

Kingsbury Hall 1395 E. Presidents Circle, University of Utah Thursday, Jan. 23 7:30 p.m. $20-$35 Birbigs.com

She Loves Me

Babcock Theatre February 8 Sign-up for email updates when tickets become available:

CITYWEEKLY. NET/SAVINGS

JANUARY 23, 2014 | 19

I decided to return to more of the writing approach I had with [my shows] Two-Drink Mike and What I Should Have Said Was Nothing. … If it organically works into

AVAILABLE TICKETS at cityweeklytix.com

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On the flip side, you began your career with one-liners, not stories. Based on the name, is Thank God for Jokes a return to that style?

What would your alterego Sleepy Carl rather be doing than this interview?

Do you put yourself in awkward situations to come up with material? It’s undeniable that once you’re a writer, as things are happening to you, you put them into a narrative in your head. … Comedy really is tragedy plus time. And, you know, good luck avoiding tragedy. It’s, like, unavoidable. When I was at Sundance in 2012 [premiering the Sleepwalk With Me movie], I was like, “I’m in show business; I’m a big shot.” My brother, Joe, said, “Let’s go skiing.” And

I always try to go into the heart of darkness with all jokes—sta r t from the place of pain and frustration and find the comedy in it. Because, you know, comedy is a coping mechanism. … Sometimes you need someone nodding along with you while you’re saying, “This is insane, right?” and they just say, “Yeah, it’s insane.” That’s really what you’re trying to do: Make people feel less alone and ultimately yourself, too.

lOw OR NO SeRVice FeeS! liMiteD QUANtity!

I think the goal of entertainment—the Venn diagram, if you will, of where entertainment and art intersect—is when you enjoy something so much that you inevitably take something away from it, because there’s a truth in it. It teaches you something or you learn from it, but it sneaks up on you— you don’t see it coming. That was the goal of Sleepwalk With Me and My Girlfriend’s Boyfriend, and I think that’s the long-term goal for Thank God for Jokes.

You have to have an aggressive approach to writing stuff down, then you have to check your ego at the door.

Talk about being vulnerable in your writing and how that’s important for the audience, too.

Your source for ARtS & eNteRtAiNMeNt Tickets with

I think that’s true for what I do, but not for every comedian. I try to tell stories and have the jokes and the comedic bits … fill it out in a way so that you don’t even realize that you’re hearing a story. A lot of my favorite comedies are movies where every scene is like a comedy sketch, but in the end, the whole thing is adding up to this big, great truism about life.

Mitch Hedberg said it best: If you want to be a comedian or a writer, you just have to write down everything that is funny to you. The easiest thing to do when you think of something funny, or something funny happens to you, is to just smile or move on. Then, you have to take your ego out of the equation. You know, I write probably 400 to 500 jokes, and maybe 50 of them stay in my act. That might even be a conservative estimate; it might be [50 out of] 1,000 jokes. Most jokes are not interesting enough to tell to people.

I was like, “Sure, yeah, what could go wrong?” … I had a yard sale on the mountain: My goggles and my hat and my poles and skis were strewn across 90 yards of the slope … and I broke my shoulder. We get back to the hotel, and I knew that I had to get in the hot tub, immediately. Then, I realized my phone was in my pocket. Yeah, I know. In that moment, I realized that the comedy ain’t going anywhere.

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At a panel at Sundance 2012 talking about comedy in film, you said, “Comedy should be used as an instrument to tell a story, not an end unto itself.”

How do you write?

FAIRCHILD PHOTO SERVICE © CONDE NAST

You’re on My Side

having an arc, I’d be open to that. When you look at the “Celebrity Golf Story” or the “Dennis Eckersley Story” from What I Should Have Said Was Nothing, the new tour is a lot like that. There’s six or seven epically awkward life snapshots. … I like to say that I make an awkward situation even worse.

city weekly

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20 | JANUARY 23, 2014

A&E

katherine pioli

GET OUT

La Nada Winter limbo still brings snow to the Uintas. By Katherine Pioli comments@cityweekly.net

The All New 2014

is Back Surrounded by amazing performers from around the world, that will entertain you every single moment of our fantastic show. This year we will definiTely surprise you wiTh… “human Cannon Ball, Camels, whiTe Tigers, Clowns, elephanTs, gloBe of deaTh riders, ZeBras, ConTorTionisTs, Jugglers, ponies, aerialisT” and many more awesome aCTs ThaT will Thrill you!!

Farmington DavisCo.FairgroundsArena

OREM UCCUCenter

Mon. JAN 27th * 4:30 & 7:30PM

Tues. Jan. 21st * 7PM Wed. Jan. 22nd * 4 & 7:30PM

South Jordan SLCCo.EquestrianCenter

Tooele DeseretPeakComplex

TUES. Jan 28th * 7PM WED. JAN. 29th *4 & 7:30PM

Heber City WasatchCo.EventsCenter THUR. JAN. 30th 4:30 & 7:30PM

THURS. Jan. 23rd * 7PM

Ogden GoldenSpikeEventCenter FRI. Jan 24th * 7PM Sat. Jan 25th *3 & 7PM SUN. JAN 26th * 1 & 5PM

he green triceratops snow sculpture in my neighbor’s front yard melted days ago, starting with the collapse of the shield and ending with its legs fusing to the long lump of its body. Un-shoveled patches of sidewalk are turning into corrugated sheets of ice. My backyard is sinking into a murky swimming hole edged with slick brown grass. All of these signs tell me to leave the valley in search of better snow. Somewhere, higher in the mountains, there must be snow. Utah’s finest powder has been a fickle creature this year. After touching us with her presence for days on end, she disappears, leaving an endless line of little yellow sun icons to glare at me from the weather forecast tab on my browser. It’s a fate we have maddeningly little control over since our winter weather begins somewhere in the eastern tropical Pacific Ocean. If it’s an El Niño year, with warm water in the Pacific, we’ll likely have a warm winter. With a La Niña, and cold Pacific waters, we’ll likely have snow. This year, however, is neither. From far out in the Pacific came a La Nada year, which is exactly what its name implies: nothing. In this winter limbo, no prediction is possible—temperatures, precipitation and snowfall could fall anywhere on the charts or not at all. And there was certainly a whole lot of la nada all over the ground when my Subaru dropped into the Kamas valley on a recent Sunday. Loaded up with skis and bound for the Beaver Creek Ski Trail, the distinct absence of snow was extremely worrying. But luck smiled on me in the form of surprise doughnuts at the local Chevron. “They’re made here,” said the gas

station attendant from under her Utahgrown bouffant. She tallied up our pile of cake, glaze and raspberry-jam-filled pre-ski treats. As we pulled away, I realized that things were starting to look up. For starters, the hint of lemon zest in my glazed doughnut was making my eyes roll back in my head. But, just as sweet, I was beginning to notice the fresh snow piling up along the road. After paying our $6 day-use fee at the self-service fee station, we drove in a doughnut-filled stupor, all the way to the closed gate at mile marker 14. The halfton trucks with their snowmobile trailers indicated we had gone too far, so we backtracked. Beaver Creek, it turns out, is tough to find unless you already know where it is. The trail runs along the south side of the road—on the right-hand side, if you are driving up canyon. In some places, it’s set back from the asphalt a quarter mile. It’s sandwiched between a creek bottom and a minor ridgeline and tunnels occasionally through dense trees. Only four access points connect from the road to the 5.5-mile trail. None are well marked. The first, at about mile marker 6, is near the Yellow Pine Trailhead. The rest are spaced out about two miles from each other, with limited parking space. When we finally found an access point, indicated by a red truck parked next to ski tracks leading out across an open field, we stepped out into a cold gray world. Aspen limbs grazed the low-hanging clouds. Snow blew sideways so that I couldn’t tell if it was falling from above or swirling up from below. But once we reached the trail, we found it nearly pristine. Only our predecessor’s tracks cut parallel lines through the inch of fresh powder. Just before turning back, we took a right turn onto Plantation Trail. A snowshoe trail, it climbed up and away from the groomed track, winding up onto a bench of the ridge. Here, a single wrong step sent us sinking into impossibly knee-deep snow— just the kind of snow I was looking for. CW

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moreESSENTIALS

Complete listings online @ cityweekly.net

THURSDAY 1.23

Alpine Art: Oh the Places We Go! “Above all, I craved to seize the whole essence, in the confines of one single photograph, of some situation that was in the process of unrolling itself before my eyes,” wrote Henri Cartier-Bresson. For photographers showing at Alpine Art’s exhibition Oh the Places We Go!, this show is about the journey, about the process—the emotional inspiration, obligatory for photographers in their explorations. In these shots, there is something candid, something left undone and incomplete—and this is honest and beautiful. “Bright Desert Sun” by Vanessa Kay (pictured) traverses a crevasse to reach her destination. The divide could not be more red-hot, the sun could not shine brighter against a more azure sky in a scene more lucid. “Medinet Habu Temple, Egypt,” by Rosanne Bruegmann, captures a single small figure set against the magnificent enormity of an ancient place. Resonating with the words of Cartier-Bresson, it unrolls before the eyes, the structure and the beauty of those single images seizing that whole essence. (Ehren Clark) Oh the Places We Go! @ Alpine Art, 430 E. South Temple, 801-355-1155, through Feb. 14, free. AlpineArtInc.com

THURSDAY 1.23

Discovered in a cave by a shepherds in 1947, the collection of manuscripts that are now commonly referred to as the Dead Sea Scrolls consists mostly of non-biblical texts. But what biblical texts are there represent the oldest known copies of most of the books of the Hebrew bible. Professor Sidnie White Crawford—a scholar in Second Temple Judaism, the Dead Sea Scrolls and textual criticism of the Hebrew Bible—will deliver a lecture in conjunction with The Leonardo’s exhibit of the Dead Sea Scrolls called Scribes, Scrolls & Scriptures: What the Dead Sea Scrolls Teach Us About the Old Testament. Crawford will discuss not only the importance of the found biblical-related scrolls, but also how the other collected manuscripts can help shed light on the local culture that existed during the important canonization of the biblical texts—theories like why the only biblical book not represented in the found collection is Esther, and how the local inhabitants may have disregarded it because she was a Jew who disappointingly married a Persian king. (Jacob Stringer) Sidnie White Crawford: Scribes, Scrolls & Scriptures @ The Leonardo, 209 E. 500 South, 801-531-9800, Jan. 23, 7 p.m., free. TheLeonardo.org

Ask a dancer to describe a pre-performance rehearsal and you’ll likely hear words like: long, tedious, repetitive. Turn rehearsal time over the Salt Lake’s innovative SB Dance Company, however, and you get a party. During the two days leading up to the Saturday performance of The Little Beast of SB Dance, curious onlookers are invited into the rehearsal space for an event known as the Strange Beast Studio Bar—one night with these dancers obviously isn’t enough. The creative process and the hard work of fine-tuning a dance will be on display all evening Thursday and Friday in the rehearsal studio. And the company welcomes audience members to make the experience interactive. Go ahead, throw out an observation or a suggestion—but watch out, they just might drag you out onstage to show off your moves. Luckily, you’ll have already lost your inhibitions by the time you end up on stage, thanks to the on-site cash bar serving Epic beer and Five Wives vodka. The party will culminate on Saturday night with The Little Beast of SB Dance, a “behindthe-scenes journey into SB Dance’s laboratory,” an annual performance that samples some of the company’s most sexy, athletic and terrifying work. (Katherine Pioli) SB Dance: Strange Beast Studio Bar @ Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South,

Sidnie White Crawford: Scribes, Scrolls & Scriptures

SB Dance: Strange Beast Studio Bar

THURSDAY 1.23 Marion Jensen: Almost Super

What child hasn’t dreamed of obtaining a superpower? And that desire is not just a wish of children; even adults have moments when a particular superpower would come in handy, like maybe X-ray vision. That said, not every supepower would have an obvious advantage—like those bestowed upon the main characters in Marion Jensen’s debut novel, Almost Super. This story explores the journey of two brothers born into a family of superheroes, who finally receive their super-lame superpowers of striking matches on polyester and the ability to turn a belly button from an innie to an outie. The brothers are then charged with using their seemingly inconsequential powers to help protect the world from evil alongside their other family members, and even their archnemesis. Middle-grade readers will enjoy the brothers’ unique heroics, funny antics and gumption as they navigate their world. (Aimee Cook O’Brien) Marion Jensen: Almost Super @ The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, 801484-7100, Jan. 23, 7 p.m., free with book purchase. KingsEnglish.com

801-355-2787, Jan. 23-24, 5 p.m., free; The Little Beast of SB Dance @ Rose Wagner Center, Jan. 25, 8 p.m., $20. SBDance.com, ArtTix.org

FRIDAY 1.24

Pioneer Theatre Company: A Few Good Men Jack Nicholson bellowing “You can’t handle the truth!” at Tom Cruise in the 1992 film version of A Few Good Men is a case where a line takes on a life of its own and grows to the point where it overshadows the work it originally came from. “You can’t handle the truth!” has become an everyday joke you toss off to friends when they ask you how you make such good coffee. But before Nicholson gave us all a go-to phrase, A Few Good Men debuted on Broadway in 1989 as the first big success for writer Aaron Sorkin—yes, the Aaron Sorkin of The West Wing, Charlie Wilson’s War, The Social Network, Moneyball, The Newsroom, etc. Beyond Nicholson’s line, the play offers an intriguing courtroom drama about the murder of a U.S.

Marine in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. See the play and you’ll find out what a “Code Red” is—that is, if you can handle the truth. (Geoff Griffin) A Few Good Men @ Pioneer Memorial Theatre, 300 S. 1400 East, 801-581-6961, Jan. 24-Feb. 8, $33-$39. PioneerTheatre.org

the rest @ Bodega

Speakeasy Does It

DINE

Comté France’s Most popular cheese!

Bodega offers a hideaway with delicious food below street level. By Ted Scheffler comments@cityweekly.net @critic1

JOHN TAYLOR

Caputo’s On 15th 1516 South 1500 East 801.486.6615 www.caputosdeli.com

JANUARY 23, 2014 | 23

331 S. Main 801-532-4452 Bodega331.com

Caputo’s Downtown 314 West 300 South 801.531.8669

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The Rest @ Bodega

can chicken ($35 for two). It’s a whole roasted chicken with a cider gastrique; wild mushrooms; warm, creamy potato salad; and grilled asparagus. For an extra $10, you can get a growler of Bodega IPA with it. The chicken—which requires 45 minutes to

This January, try TWO different renditions of Comté and see why this sought after French cheese is great on a cheese board, in fondues, mac & cheese, and so much more.

town, but I felt perfectly comfy at Book nook: Upscale cocktails, tasty pastrami The Rest. sandwiches, waffle potato chips and more are Once you’re seated at a booth served in Bodega’s basement library lounge or table in the subterranean dining room—where, by the way, you’ll feel prepare—comes to the table whole, includas if you’ve left Utah behind—I suggest you order a craft cocktail like the clas- ing the PBR beer can, for presentation sic French 75, made with gin, lemon juice, before being whisked away, carved, and simple syrup and sparkling wine, served in returned to your table. The chicken was an old-fashioned Champagne coupe ($11). tender and juicy, and I loved every bite. Unfortunately, the smoked hobo trout While sipping your cocktail, take in the amazing art of Jake Buntjer, whose mind- seemed pretty skimpy for $18, served with expanding artwork provides an interesting shaved cauliflower, apple, almonds, brown contrast to the overabundance of taxidermy butter and croutons. Maybe that’s why it’s in The Rest. Lund told me she was inspired hidden in tinfoil when it comes to the table. by places in Manhattan like La Esquina, an A more satisfying selection is the 36, a paseclectic Mexican cafe with an underground trami sandwich ($16) so named because the dining room that InStyle called “speakeasy pastrami braises for 36 hours. The warm pastrami is served on a quality rye bun with meets Mexican hideaway.” The appetizers we tried at The Rest were Squatters’ El Borracho IPA-braised sauervery good. Crab cakes ($15) were, as I over- kraut, melted Gruyere, housemade pickles heard a server describing them to a nearby and outstanding waffle-style potato chips. party, “very crabby.” They’re made with After dinner, hot beignets ($7) in the library generous amounts of lump blue crab meat, lounge are a must. Now, about those reservations. We bound together with sweet potato, smoked corn and red pepper, and served with a phoned Bodega and got browbeaten by a tangy lemon aioli. Even better were the rude female employee for not making resconfit chicken wings ($10). I’m not sure if ervations online. It turns out, if you go to the this appetizer is misnamed or if the kitchen Bodega website and click on an animated had run out of wings, but we were served icon in the lower-right corner, then click on what I’m pretty certain were three chicken “Reservations,” you’ll be taken to a form to legs, not wings—even a manager said “they fill out and a lengthy list of policies: no kids sure look like legs”—which was actually (“We play loud music. We serve cocktails. preferable. The plump, juicy legs had been We encourage cursing and debauchery.”), no braised in duck fat and were served with a arriving late and the admonishment to “look zippy, delicious barbecue sauce of red pep- your best,” not to mention a required $25 per, sesame and ginger. I could’ve eaten a deposit. This might be enough to deter many dozen of those “wings.” And, the free warm people from The Rest, but if you can put up jalapeño cornbread that kicks off dinner at with the reservation runaround, you’ll be rewarded with good food in a fun, unique The Rest might be the best I’ve ever eaten. I really enjoyed the honey-glazed beer- setting. CW

| cityweekly.net |

hen I lived in New York City, one of my favorite haunts was Chumley’s, a historic pub located at 86 Bedford Street in Greenwich Village. I still remember the address because Chumley’s had no signage. It was established in 1922 and served as a speakeasy during Prohibition, and I guess nobody ever got around to putting up signs after Prohibition was repealed. But when you walked through the arched wooden door and into Chumley’s dimly lit, boozy space, you felt like you were part of something special. You belonged. Flash forward a couple of decades, and the speakeasy—totally unnecessary in contemporary America—seems to be making a comeback. The Title 32B bar in Ogden’s Hearth on 25th restaurant (195 25th St., 801-399-0088, Hearth25.com) recently opened, as did The Rest at Bodega in Salt Lake City. Both are faux speakeasies: places with food and drink that have a speakeasy vibe, but that anyone 21 or over— and, in the case of Bodega, willing to deal with some red tape—can legally enjoy. If you’re not familiar with Bodega, allow me to break it down. It’s really three businesses under one roof. First, there’s a tiny, kitschy convenience “store”—no more than a counter papered with vintage Playboy covers, plus a few shelves sporting ramen and other junk foods, aspirin, sodas, votive candles and the like. A couple steps from the Bodega counter is a diminutive beer bar, about the size of a standard office cubicle. Bodega offers breakfast sandwiches, chips & salsa and tacos, most of which are priced at $3. The third Bodega component—and the one that most interested me—is The Rest. Looking downstairs from the Bodega entrance, you’ll see a half-lit “restroom” sign. That signifies The Rest, Bodega’s reservation-only, sort-of-secret basement restaurant and bar. You need a key to gain entry, and don’t plan to show up without a reservation (unless you’re famous, maybe). I have to say that, despite my fear of hipsters, I really like Bodega and The Rest. Don’t let the hoops you need to jump through in order to get a reservation (more about that later) deter you. I’ve found the staff—from owner Sara Lund and bar manager Caleb Cannon to the servers I’ve encountered—to be very friendly and welcoming. I’m not the coolest dude down-

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| CITY WEEKLY |

24 | JANUARY 23, 2014

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On Sunday, Jan. 26, Cucina Vanina (1844 E. Fort Union Blvd., Cottonwood Heights) will host a special jazz dinner with singer/pianist Rick DellaRatta. DellaRatta has played with the likes of Lenny White, Dizzy Gillespie, Paquito D’Rivera, Rufus Reid, Eddie Gomez, Idris Muhammad and many others. For the occasion, chef/owner Vanina MeystrePirollo will create a three-course menu for $55 per person (not including tax, gratuity and beverages). The evening, which should be a special one, begins at 6:30 p.m. For reservations, phone 801938-9706 or go to CucinaVanina.com.

Zesty Lunch

By popular demand, Zest Kitchen & Bar (275 S. 200 West, 801-433-0589, ZestSLC. com) is now open for lunch beginning at 11 a.m., Tuesday through Saturday. Zest specializes in contemporary, artful vegetarian, vegan and gluten-free cuisine produced, when possible, from fresh local ingredients. The full-service bar features a large selection of local beers and wines, plus craft cocktails. Tuesdays at Zest is Locals Night, with free corkage if you’d care to BYOB.

V-Day in Paris

The Paris Bistro & Zinc Bar (1500 S. 1500 East, 801-486-5585, TheParis.net) is accepting reservations for Valentine Day’s La Vie en Rose dinner, which will feature live music from the French cafe quartet St. Bohème. Menu items include dishes such as Angus Prime rib roast Oscar, pan-seared and pancetta-wrapped Loch Duart Scottish salmon, Thai-spiced lump blue crab cakes, molten chocolate cake and more. The cost is $74.95 per person, plus a 20 percent service charge.

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Malbec Six-Pack Exploring the Malbec of Mendoza, Argentina. by Ted Scheffler comments@cityweekly.net @critic1

Argentine Malbecs—all of them from the Mendoza region—and took them out for a spin. Medrano Estate 2011 ($11.99): Good acidity and soft tannins make this Malbec a real crowdpleaser. Black cherry, plum, blueberry and cola f lavors combined with subtle, toasted oak notes make me think Medrano Malbec would be a good partner for dark poultry meat, quail, pheasant or duck in a rich, dark fruit sauce. Sensual 2012 ($10.89): How could I resist a Malbec called Sensual with two tango dancers on the label? Well, maybe I should have. I found Sensual Malbec to not be very sensual— the fruits seemed unripe and green, perhaps not too surprising for the young 2012 vintage. I’ll come back to it next year. Trapiche Vineyards 2012 ($9.99): See Sensual 2012. Green and not too pleasing. Layer Cake 2012 ($15.99): This was the most expensive of the bunch, and one of the best. Big, rich, earthy flavors make me want to drink this with black truffles. Yum.

The Show 2012 ($13.99): Silky smooth tannins and a velvety texture, yet a bit hot on the tongue. I’d let The Show’s alcohol and not-quite-ripe fruits mellow for a year or two, then come back to it. A ltos Las Hormigas Clasico 2012 ($11.99): Of the 2012 vintage Malbec I tasted, this was a favorite, with nicely balanced black and red fruits, along with mocha and vanilla flavors from new French and American oak barrels. It rocked my pork carnitas. CW

| cityweekly.net |

uring a recent dinner at Bodega/ The Rest (see review p. 23), I was chatting with bar manager Caleb Cannon about Malbec. It’s a wine varietal he likes to include in the restaurant’s wine selection, in part due to its versatility, but also for its value. Incidentally, The Rest has a fun, nononsense wine list. There are three wines listed in three categories: White, Red and Bubbly. The wines within those categories are available by the glass or bottle and are simply identified as cheap, decent or good. This allows flexibility in the small wine list, which changes frequently. But, back to Malbec, a grape variety that’s one of the six allowed in the making of French Bordeaux, where it’s used

strictly for blending. Many winemakers use it to add color to their wine blends. It’s also the main grape in the red wine of Cahors, France. The thin-skinned grape thrives especially well in Argentina, where the Malbec wines produced tend to be softer, less tannic and more approachable than most from Cahors. They are, generally, exceptional values; good Malbec from Argentina can be had for well under $15 per bottle. Wine expert Francis Fecteau of Libation, Inc. describes Malbec’s charms this way: “It usually smells and tastes pretty ripe, with lots of black fruit and plenty of heft on the palate.” Malbec “does fall off the back of the palate in a rather marked fashion,” but since the Malbec grape likes heat, he says, “it develops a certain amount of sugar which can create a wine with a rather unctuous texture.” Today, Argentina accounts for more than 75 percent of the world’s Malbec production, and there is a lot of Argentine Malbec to choose from here in Utah. You could pay as much as $200 for Viña Cobos Malbec, should you care to splurge. But you don’t have to. I find the more economical young Malbecs from Argentina quite appealing, in part because they don’t spend too much time in oak—usually no more than six months. I recently bought a random assortment of six economical

DRINK

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| CITY WEEKLY |

26 | JANUARY 23, 2014

GOODEATS Complete listings at cityweekly.net Featuring dining destinations from buffets and rooms with a view to mom & pop joints, chic cuisine and some of our dining critic’s faves! Wriggles

Wriggles is located in the Valley Center Towers in Murray, offering delicious gourmet coffee and delectable chicken, turkey, and pork roll-up sandwiches. The key to the sandwiches is the housemade flatbread, which is mixed and baked according to an old recipe that has been passed down for generations. And it’s not just the recipe that’s special; Wriggle’s doesn’t use any lards, shortenings, additives or preservatives— just all-natural ingredients. 43 E. 5900 South, Murray, 801-262-7655, Wriggles.biz

880 e 2100 s sugarhousebbq .com 801-463-4800 the BLUE BACON BURGER

268 S. State Street, SLC (801) 779-4747 · mon - fri 11:30 am - 10:00 pm Sat 5:00 pm - 10:00 pm · Sun 5:00 pm - 9:00 pm bar menu daily 2:00 pm - cloSe

Cafe Silvestre

11 NEIGHBORHOOD LOCATIONS |

FA C E B O O K . C O M / A P O L L O B U R G E R

At Cafe Silvestre, you’ll find authentic Mexican food in a festive atmosphere. The home-style tamales are an especially good choice. Start off your meal with guacamole, poppers, chips & salsa or nachos before jumping into hearty dishes such as smothered burritos, chili platters and fajitas. The encebollado steak with onions and peppers is especially tasty, as is the delicious porkribs plate. Silvestre serves imported and domestic beers, plus liquor and yummy margaritas. Don’t forget the fried ice cream or flan for dessert. Multiple locations, CafeSilvestreUt.com

Roasted Duck

An Authentic Chinese Food Adventure

3370 S. State St.

801-486-8800 Monday: Closed, Tues - Thur: 11am - 11pm Fri & Sat: 11am - 12am, Sun: 11am - 11pm

It’s Tofu

No surprises here—at It’s Tofu, you can expect to find tofu in many, many variations. The menu is essentially Korean, with killer kimchi and Korean soon dishes. Among the specialties are seafood soon tofu, Asian beef rib soon tofu, pork bulgogi soon tofu, deep-fried tofu and tofu beef teriyaki. All dishes are available in three different levels of spiciness: mild, medium and very spicy. 6949 S. 1300 East, Cottonwood Heights, 801-566-9103, ItsTofu.com

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A sampler of Ted Scheffler’s reviews MovieGrille

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11:30-9pm Daily · Closed Sunday masalaindiangrill.com

Caffé Molise

| cityweekly.net |

There is little I enjoy more than a relaxing lunch at Caffé Molise, a 20-year-old restaurant dishing out straightforward Italian dishes without smoke and mirrors. Molise has the best bruschetta around: toasted, garlic-rubbed baguette slices drizzled with olive oil and topped with a scrumptious herb-infused bean puree, marinated Roma tomatoes and flash-sauteed spinach. Owner Fred Moesinger recently opened BTG (By the Glass, downtown SLC’s first wine bar), which features wine flights and more than 50 premium wines by the glass. Reviewed Jan. 2, 2014. 55 W. 100 South, 801-364-8833, CaffeMolise.com the

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| CITY WEEKLY |

28 | JANUARY 23, 2014

This new Ogden spot is a combo bar, cafe and movie theater. Take a seat in one of the plush leather reclining chairs in the theater, and a server will bring a menu and take orders. The food is as good, and in some cases better, than some of the restaurants I review. A fresh hummus platter with two types of hummus, grilled flatbread, chipotle aioli and Feta cheese dip was outstanding. Ditto an excellent thin-crust Meaty Goodness pizza topped with smoked mozzarella and provolone cheeses, Italian sausage, pepperoni and Philly cheesesteak-style beef. Other tempting dishes range from a goat cheese & pear salad to a grilled three-cheese panini and beer-battered chipotle-pepper poppers. With all that MovieGrille has to offer, I may never watch a flick in any other theater again. Reviewed Jan. 16, 2014. 2293 Grant Ave., Ogden, 801-621-4738, MovieGrille.com

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2014 MOVIE PREVIEW

Original Cinema A look at 2014’s nonsequels, non-adaptations and non-reboots. By MaryAnn Johanson comments@cityweekly.net

Most Anticipated

Only Lovers Left Alive (April 11 limited): Yes, it’s a vampire movie, but Jim Jarmusch and his stars—Tilda Swinton and everybody’s new crush, Tom Hiddleston— blow away cliché and all your expectations. (I’ve seen this already. It’s beyond fab.)

Jupiter Ascending (July 18): The Wachowskis brew up another hero’s journey … except this time the hero’s a she. Is Mila Kunis the One? Is Earth merely a backwater in a galactic civilization? I can’t wait to find out.

The Grand Budapest Hotel

St. Vincent De Van Nuys (April 11): Another misanthropic (hopefully) funny flick, in which comedic genius Bill Murray plays a very bad influence on his child neighbor. Jane Got a Gun (Aug. 29): Natalie Portman might be badass here as a woman who has to save her outlaw husband from villains who want to kill him. Joel Edgerton is the ex-lover she turns to for help. Ewan McGregor is here, too, and it’s from director Gavin O’Connor, who made the very good Pride & Glory and Miracle, the fantastic Olympic ice hockey movie. The hoped-for level of awesome is high with this one.

Jupiter Ascending

The Interview (Oct. 10): Evan Goldberg and Seth Rogen give us Rogen and James Franco as TV journalists assigned by the CIA to kill North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un. If this is anything close to their raucously funny This Is the End, this could be very very hilarious.

Looks Familiar, But We’ve Got Our Fingers Crossed Welcome to Yesterday (Feb. 28): A found-footage exploration of what happens when you start fooling around with a time machine. Transcendence (April 18): Johnny Depp uploads his brain into a computer, and then goes crazy. It could work. Earth to Echo (April 25): A bunch of kids find some sort of alien in the backyard. Kinda E.T.-ish, at least at limited first glance. but it’s nice to see a movie about grade-school kids that isn’t early Harry Potter.

A Million Ways to Die in the West (May 30): Something something something cowardly gunslinger. Something something something Seth MacFarlane. Something something something new Blazing Saddles. Something something something wishful thinking? CW

Only Lovers Left Alive

JANUARY 23, 2014 | 29

The Quiet Ones (April 25): Hammer Films(!) gives us a tale about an experiment to create a poltergeist. Presumably, the experiment goes bad. Hopefully, the movie doesn’t.

Bad Words

| CITY WEEKLY |

Interstellar (Nov. 7): A science-fiction could-be epic from Christopher Nolan. We don’t know much about it yet (it’s something to do with wormholes) but that’s what makes the anticipation so delicious. Nolan’s mojo, plus his all-star cast—including Matthew McConaughey, Jessica Chastain, Michael Caine, Ellen Burstyn and John Lithgow— has put this one at the top of many a film geek’s must-see list for 2014.

Bad Words (March 14 limited, March 28 wide): Jason Bateman directs and stars in a mean comedy about a jerk who finds a loophole in the rules and enters a juniorhigh spelling-bee tournament. Let the misanthropy begin.

Into the Storm (Aug. 8): Early buzz on this one pegs it as a found-footage Twister writ large, with remarkably realistic F/X (or so some early audiences have revealed). Plus, it stars Hobbit “It Dwarf” Richard Armitage, already well drooled-over by lovers of Brit TV. He deserves to be a huge Hollywood star, and maybe this will be the flick that does it for him.

Lots of Promise

The Grand Budapest Hotel (March 7 limited): Wes Anderson is back with what looks like another delightful faux-retro jape, this one about a “legendary” hotel concierge played by Ralph Fiennes. The chance to see the legendarily serious actor explore his comic chops has me agog with hoped-for joy.

Fury (Nov. 14): This W WII thriller is possibly still encumbered with a working title only. What we know right now is that Brad Pitt is starring for director David Ayer, who has previously given us the excellent Training Day and the even more excellent End of Watch. Can Ayer succeed outside his modern-day L.A.-cop comfort zone? The suspense is already killing me.

| cityweekly.net |

ou may find this hard to believe, but there are, in fact, a few films opening in 2014 that are not sequels, not remakes, not reboots and not based on stage shows, the Bible (there’s more than one of these coming our way), youngadult novels, comic books, cartoons or—someone make it stop—toy lines. Good luck finding anything currently scheduled for wide release in June or December that’s actually original, but here’s what you might want to keep an eye out for during the rest of the year. (All release dates are highly subject to change).

CINEMA

| cityweekly.net |

| CITY WEEKLY |

30 | JANUARY 23, 2014

to Count down

the

year of

H! A T U F O T S E B We’re counting down the weeks until Best of Utah with a contest that honors winners from the past.

2004 Name this week’s

Throwback Thursday Best of Utah winner!

2004’s Best Coffee winner used to be here:

{

320 E. 400 South

What was it named? Send answers to BOU25@cityweekly.net. The first three correct answers get $25, $15 and $10 to the City Weekly Store. Send an original photo of the old location for an extra $25. Visit CityWeekly.net/BestOfUtah to find out the answers and weekly winners.

Last week’s answer is:

CLUB NAKED

Winner: Andria Goodwin

coming 3.27.14

CINEMA CLIPS NEW THIS WEEK Information is correct at press time. Film release schedules are subject to change. Gimme Shelter A teenager (Vanessa Hudgens) faces adversity in the city while searching for her father. Opens Jan. 24 at theaters valleywide. (PG-13) I, Frankenstein [not yet reviewed] 200 years after he was created, Dr. Frankenstein’s monster (Aaron Eckhart) fights in a war between immortal armies. Opens Jan. 24 at theaters valleywide. (PG-13) Inspired Guns H.5 I’m not sure Adam White’s attempt at culture-clash farce would’ve worked even without clumsy diversion into faithaffirming melodrama—but I sure would’ve preferred to see the attempt. In an un-named East Coast city, earnest Elder Fisher (David Lassetter) takes on a goofy new companion, Elder Johnson (Dashiell Wolf), for the last week of his mission—just in time for them to get caught up in an FBI operation observing the inept mobsters (Christian Busath and Jake Suazo) to whom the missionaries are giving lessons. Much farcical misunderstanding ensues—like mobsters and Mormons having different interpretations of “plan for the family,” and the local ward including someone whose nickname, just like the mob tough-guy, is “the Butcher”—of the kind that depends on absolutely every character being a complete idiot and interpreting the exact wrong thing at the exact wrong time for several days. But the humor is at least energetically performed,

Movie times and locations at cityweekly.net

whereas the obligatory side trip into “can we get a baptism” sincerity stops everything in a way that’s painful even in drama, but deadly for comedy. Opens Jan. 24 at theaters valleywide. (PG)—Scott Renshaw The Invisible Woman HH.5 If there’s a way to make a historical bio-drama like this more than a slow trudge to a sad conclusion, Ralph Fiennes didn’t find it. Adapting Claire Tomalin’s book, Fiennes directs and stars as Charles Dickens in a story that addresses the legendary novelist’s much-speculated-upon relationship with Nelly Ternan (Felicity Jones), a would-be actress who is only 18 years old when the famous—and married—author begins paying her attention in 1850s England. A framing sequence follows Nelly some 20 years after their relationship, in moments that are somehow supposed to capture how much the experience still shadows her life. But while the main narrative effectively captures the Victorian morals that made it impossible for Dickens and Nelly to be together openly—as well as the celebrity that was as much the love of Dickens’ life as any woman—the film generally just lays there as the years tick by. Fiennes directs one magnificent scene, showing an almost-embrace between Dickens and Nelly that gets no more physical than a grasped hand. That kind of passion is hard to find elsewhere. Opens Jan. 24 at Broadway Centre Cinemas. (R)—SR

SPECIAL SCREENINGS Cutie and the Boxer At UMFA, Jan. 29, 7 p.m. (NR) Slamdance Film Festival At Park City Treasure Mountain Inn, through Jan. 25.

Sundance Film Festival Continues at venues in Park City, Salt Lake City, Sundance Resort & Ogden, through Jan. 27. Traffic At Brewvies, Jan. 27, 10 p.m. (R) A Touch of Sin At Main Library, Jan. 28, 7 p.m. (NR)

CURRENT RELEASES

American Hustle HHH David O. Russell loosely adapts the story of the late 1970s FBI “Abscam” operation, with con artists Irving (Christian Bale) and Sydney (Amy Adams) caught by FBI agent Richie DiMaso (Bradley Cooper) and forced to assist in a sting operation targeting corrupt government officials. Pretty much everyone here— Jennifer Lawrence, Jeremy Renner, etc.—acts to the rafters with their various accents and over-the-top personalities, while Russell swings and zips his camera like he’s doing a secondgeneration photocopy of GoodFellas by way of Boogie Nights. Yet it’s also kind of a hoot on a moment-to-moment basis, as the undercover operation gets more convoluted—and more dangerous—with each passing day. Leave aside Louis C.K.’s low-key FBI middle-manager, and there’s not a subtle thing to be found in all 135 minutes; it’s also hard to completely dismiss its fun brand of un-subtle. (R)—SR

August: Osage County HH.5 Tracy Letts’ adaptation of his own Pulitzer Prize-winning play occupies a particularly troublesome category of drama: theater of familial recriminations. The Weston clan of Osage County, Okla., faces the disappearance of patriarch Bev (Sam Shepherd), bringing all three daughters (Julia Roberts, Julianne Nicholson and Juliette Lewis) home to help their pill-addicted/cancer-stricken mom (Meryl Streep). There’s plenty of solid dark humor in Letts’ text that explores needling interactions between family members, and some effectively restrained supporting performances. But, eventually, it’s gonna be time for everyone to start screaming about the horrible things that were done to them, or rationalizing horrible things they did to others, giving Streep and Roberts in particular an excuse to capital-A Act to the balcony seats. If there’s a way for such over-the-top histrionics to be entertaining rather than aggravating, I’ve yet to discover it. (R)—SR

Devil’s Due H.5 There are many lessons to be learned from this she’s-havingSatan’s-baby yawner: Don’t let taxi drivers in Caribbean cities infamous for creepy religious cults take you anyplace “special.” When you wake up the next morning with no memory of what happened, check your camcorder, in case it was still running during the satanic ritual. But mostly, if you’re going to make a foundfootage movie, make sure it makes even the slightest bit of sense. I can buy that newlywed Samantha McCall (Allison Miller) might get knocked up by Old Scratch. But who assembled this footage, drawn from disparate sources? It can’t be Sam’s husband (Zach Gilford); he’s busy in police-interview video, covered in blood. Did the minions of Satan do some editing? If so, it kinda negates the sneaking around they’ve done to keep their diabolical babymaking a secret. (R)—MaryAnn Johanson

Her HHHH The high-concept premise—lonely Theodore (Joaquin Phoenix) falling in love with his computer’s artificial-intelligence operating system (Scarlett Johansson)—certainly taps into something zeitgeist-y about The Way We Are Now. But Her isn’t simply a fable about living virtually; it’s even more potent at exploring a complexity in relationships that often seems hard to manage,

CINEMA

CLIPS

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beautifully realized through the two central performances. It may not be a jaw-dropping central idea that some guys have growing up to do when it comes to dealing with women; as sensitive as Theodore is, he’s still somewhat shallow at the outset. Jonze, however, finds magic not simply in suggesting we need to get offline and deal with real people, but in recognizing that even when we’re with real people, we may still need to get a hell of a lot better at dealing with them. (R)—SR

evidence that a Russian businessman (Kenneth Branagh, who also directed) is trying to tank the U.S. economy. It’s all fairly solid genre stuff, what with the racing to download secret data (now obligatory in tech-age thrillers), the car chasing, the trying to stop a major terrorist attack and one effectively brutal indoctrination of Ryan into the messy business of field work. But who is this Jack Ryan guy, really, and what makes him worth bringing out of mothballs? I still couldn’t tell you. (PG-13)—SR

Inside Llewyn Davis HHHH Joel and Ethan Coen’s titular hero (Oscar Isaac)—a struggling would-be folk singer in 1961 Greenwich Village—is kind of a dick. But as the Coens gradually parcel out information in their most poignant and human story yet, the character gets increasingly complicated. He’s the kind of self-righteous artist who snorts at “careerist” aspirations, yet he’s also struggling with collapsing or vanishing relationships all around him, allowing the Coens to explore grief, and how easy it is not to confront it. There are still plenty of masterful Coen moments, from tense set pieces to wonderful music, and it might still be one of the year’s best films strictly for its superficial pleasures. But it’s also a heartbreaking look at finally getting those things that are inside Llewyn Davis out, so that he can, at last, say “au revoir.” (R)—SR

The Legend of Hercules H With its inept performances, terrible dialogue and chintzy CGI, Renny Harlin’s swords-and-sandals fantasy is somehow more cartoonish than Disney’s version, which was actually a cartoon. It’s more like a daytime soap opera, too. In this telling, Greek mythology’s greatest strongman (played by model-turnednot-actor Kellan Lutz, wearing too much bronzer) battles his sniveling half-brother (Liam Garrigan), his jealous stepfather (Scott Adkins), a fake-looking lion and various armies, all while pursuing a forbidden romance with a Cretan princess (Gaia Weiss) and coming to terms with being the son of Zeus. Every action scene looks so much like a video game that you wonder if any real humans or objects were photographed, while every non-action scene is hampered by the cast’s inability (or refusal) to inject life into the pitiful screenplay. Ye gods, what cheese. (PG-13)—Eric D. Snider Lone Survivor HHH.5 Title spoiler: Navy SEAL Marcus Luttrell (Mark Wahlberg) was the only survivor of a doomed 2005 mission in the mountains of Afghanistan to capture or kill a Taliban leader. Writer-director Peter Berg adapts Luttrell’s true story into one of the more

month, actually—but it’s unlikely to produce any that are more formulaic and uninspired than this flat action comedy. Written by a committee and directed by Tim Story (Think Like a Man), it stars Ice Cube as gruff Atlanta cop James Payton, and motormouth-du-jour Kevin Hart as Ben Barber, his squirrelly cop-wannabe brother-in-law who goes on a ride along with him and screws up everything they touch. Mr. Cube isn’t bad as a straight man (he’s certainly no comedian), but the film relies entirely on Hart’s shtick for its laughs, and that shtick wears mighty thin. And it doesn’t help that every detail of the plot is a retread of other buddy-cop movies. (PG-13)—EDS

The Nut Job HH.5 Peter Lepeniotis expands his own 2005 short about a squirrel named Surly (Will Arnett), exiled from his community of park critters, who tries to steal a gold mine of nuts from a store that’s serving as a front for bank robbers. There’s nothing wildly creative or particularly funny going on from a character standpoint, though it’s somewhat bizarre when you realize that the plot combines Woody Allen’s Small Time Crooks and The Dark Knight, plus a barely-veiled critique of socialism. But mostly it’s just a fast-paced collection of chases and mishaps as Surly and his suspicious cohorts (including Katherine Heigl as the girl squirrel) warily work together. Avoiding eye-rolling pop-culture gags until the closing credits and subsuming the obligatory fart jokes to Looney Tunes-style mayhem is a recipe, at least, for tolerability. (PG)—SR

The Wolf of Wall Street HHH.5 Martin Scorsese turns Jordan Belfort’s memoir about excesses in the 1990s world of high finance into a brutally effective variation on GoodFellas’ rags-to-riches-to-chaos arc, following Belfort (Leonardo DiCaprio) from his humble beginnings through building his own brokerage firm, getting rich selling volatile penny stocks and financing a life of luxury, drugs and hookers. Scorsese takes three hours to tell the story of that empire’s rise and fall, yet it feels nimble and effortless, including plenty of raucous physical comedy. It’s also fundamentally a morality play, with Belfort becoming an analog of GoodFellas’ Henry Hill, dazzled by the extravagant lifestyle his criminality allows. This collection of great set pieces and dynamic performances begins with a familiar setup, then puts the dangerous characters threatening America not on the other end of a gun, but on the other end of a phone. (R)—SR

Ride Along HH 2014 will definitely see movies that are worse than this— that prophecy will probably be fulfilled before the end of the

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Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit HH.5 As we reach the fourth actor to play Tom Clancy’s CIA analystturned-occasional-field-agent, what exactly defines a “Jack Ryan” movie? Not all that much, it would seem, beyond what you’d find in any other espionage thriller. This prequel/reboot/ whatever finds Ryan (Chris Pine) pulled from his undercover work on Wall Street tracking terrorist funding when there’s

realistic military movies ever, one that acknowledges the powerful fraternity of soldiers without being jingoistic, and one that depicts the intensity of a battlefield without being pornographic. It’s even got something to say about the ironies of modern asymmetrical warfare, and the senselessness of Western military presence in the region. The non-CGI’ed stuntwork and youare-there action of the centerpiece firefight are riveting, unlike anything you’ve seen on film before. From the perspective of real-world military work, we must be insane to let anyone, on either side of this deplorable state of affairs, endure what we witness here. (R)—MAJ

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JANUARY 23, 2014 | 31

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BY B I L L F RO S T @bill_frost

Lawyer Up

2 | JANUARY 23, 2014

DVD

Right Now Maybe Later

Argento’s Dracula

Even You Don’t Deserve This

Idol is dying, hurry and watch Rake, then reconsider Mitt.

Two delusional NYC BFFs (June Diane Raphael and Casey Wilson) road-trip it to their hometown to compete in the beauty pageant they lost as kids; public urination, crack smoking and The True Meaning of Friendship ensue. (Gravitas)

American Idol Wednesdays & Thursdays (Fox) New Season: Last week, reality-competition artifact American Idol had its lowestrated season premiere ever. Related, sameshow-but-let’s-all-pretend-it’s-different The X Factor is not a lock to be renewed for a fourth season by Fox, also thanks to eroded viewership. The Only TV Column That Matters™ is jumping straight to the conclusion that … karaoke TV is dead! No more sob stories about the asthmatic, one-legged teen from Spittoon, Ark. who worked three jobs at three different local Walmarts to pay for vocal coaching so she could nail both notes on “Roar”! No more “superstar” judges collecting easy paychecks until state-fair season! No more Ryan “Antichrist Cheesedick” Seacrest! Yeah, there’s still The Voice on NBC … just let me have this for a moment.

Rake Thursday, Jan. 23 (Fox) Series Debut: Producer Peter Tolan had a great run on FX with Rescue Me, but a soul-sucking nightmare at ABC with The Job. Rake, starring Greg Kinnear as a brilliant lawyer with an effd-up lifestyle to rival Californication’s Hank Moody, is nearly as dark as Rescue Me, and would probably be better suited to cable—there are probably already betting pools to see if Fox actually sticks with this for all 13 episodes. Keegan Deane (no, he’s not a guy named Jimmy Rake; the title’s a noun meaning “dissolute person”—it’s already too smart for broadcast TV) would take those odds, and Kinnear plays the charming gambler/womanizer role as effortlessly as you’d expect. And, just like cable’s best antiheroes, he learns no Valuable Life Lessons along the way. Let’s see how long this lasts (my money’s on four weeks).

Dario Argento directs a bloody/sexy 3-D version of the Drac story, starring Rutger Hauer as vampire hunter Van Helsing and daughter Asia Argento as, just guessing, Odd-Looking Exotic Girl Who’s Usually Naked and Screaming. Ah, family. (IFC)

Ass Backwards

Burton & Taylor Forgotten Lindsay Lohan and Liz & Dick? The Brits would like you to try another Liz Taylor/Richard Burton bio-pic, this time starring Helena Bonham Carter and Dominic West. After L&D, how bad could it be? (Warner Bros.)

Mitt Friday, Jan. 24 (Netflix) Documentary: As you know, it was our job here at The Liberal Media in 2012 to make sure that Mitt Romney was not elected president—hell, Aaron Sorkin and The Newsroom took it so seriously that they were still fighting the fight as late as last summer. But was Romney really as stiff as we oh-so-easily portrayed him? Not according to documentary filmmaker Greg Whiteley, who followed the candidate for six years leading up to the election. Mitt shows Romney with his guard down, as a real and sometimes funny dude who just happens to have the hair of a game-show host and the sons of a cult leader (Tagg, Josh, Remulac and the rest come off no less creepy than before). Maybe we should have let Romney win; sure would be less exhausting than now defending Obama 24/7 and … [REDACTED].

Black Sails Saturday, Jan. 25 (Starz) Series Debut: After delving into sexy Los Angeles societal unrest with Crash, sexy Chicago politics with Boss and sexy gladia-

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Rake (Fox) tor sex with Spartacus, it only makes sense that the next Starz original series would be about sexy 18th-century pirates … right? Black Sails is a Michael Bay production, and it looks it—this is no cheapo-o cable acquisition, but the best-looking Starz series yet (in every sense; “period authenticity” here means “models with slightly-mussed hair and dirty pantaloons”). The story—written as a sorta-prequel to Treasure Island—and acting aren’t even up to Spartacus levels, but there’s so much flash and action that it hardly matters, especially on a Saturday night. Got through the whole review without saying “Black Sails is rated arrr” … damn it.

The 56th Annual Grammy Awards Sunday, Jan. 26 (CBS) Special: Imagine Dragons and Alabama Shakes are not “rock” bands and therefore do not belong in the “Rock” category. Likewise, Neil Young’s Psychedelic Pill is not “rock,” but “the sound of an old woman being strangled though a phase shifter.” CW

Isle of Dogs When a London crime boss’ (Jason Statham look-alike Andrew Howard) Russian wife (Monica Bellucci ringer Barbara Nedeljakova) is caught having an affair, expect a whole lotta gunplay and indecipherably accented yelling. (Green Apple)

Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa A fake 86-year-old grandfather (Johnny Knoxville) and his grandson (Jackson Nicoll) travel across America and hidden-camera prank unsuspecting bystanders in the greatest geezersploitation comedy since Last Vegas. (Paramount)

More New DVD Releases (Jan. 28) Bonnie & Clyde, Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs 2, Collision, Disorientation, Downton Abbey: Season 4, The Fifth Estate, I Used to Be Darker, Last Vegas, Metallica: Through the Never, A Perfect Man, A Pony Tale, Rush, Seasons of Gray, Snow Queen, Stonados, Torture Chamber Listen to Bill on Mondays at 8 a.m. on X96 Radio From Hell. Daily-ish TV picks and news at CityWeekly.net/TV.

hope & tim glenn

Hers & His

MUSIC Kaskade

Hope & Tim Glenn let go of expectation for new album.

The Big Time

By Kolbie Stonehocker kstonehocker@cityweekly.net @vonstonehocker

Hope & Tim Glenn are a match made in music heaven.

TRY THESE Josh Ritter The Animal Years 2006

The Civil Wars Barton Hollow 2011

Kaskade

KaskadeMusic.com

JANUARY 23, 2014 | 33

Otis Redding Pain in My Heart 1964

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HopeAndTimGlenn.com

Hope & Tim Glenn

Another tune that involved a certain amount of letting go is “Live,” named for Hope and Tim’s baby daughter, Olivia, nicknamed Liv. Tim got the idea for the song after reading Wallace Stegner’s book Beyond the Hundredth Meridian, which is about “how people perceived or expected what the West would be like,” he says. “People were expecting it to be this one thing, expecting it to be full of rain and water like the East Coast, and it wasn’t that at all.” Reading the book just before Olivia was born made Tim realize “we can expect whatever we want her to be. But she’s going to be what she is.” The album title We Are the Choral Copse is a nod to the five-piece backing band of the same name that gave the album its rich instrumentation. The name of a chapter in A Sand County Almanac by Aldo Leopold, “the choral copse” refers to a location on Leopold’s farm in Wisconsin, “a group of trees, a copse of trees, that has these birds in it … that sing every morning,” Tim says. “[He] calls it ‘the choral copse,’ and I thought it was a good analogy for what we were doing.” Although Hope & Tim Glenn are no longer known as Hope & Tim Glenn & the Choral Copse (“It was a mouthful,” Tim says), they named the album after their band to convey, he says, “we’re a part of you, you’re a part of us, we did this together.” CW

ith increasing frequency, local musical acts are proving that the talent from Utah is a force to be reckoned with. From Imagine Dragons to Neon Trees, Utah musicians are getting their music heard all over the world. And recently, a few local musicians earned a monumental honor for their work, with the nomination of the song “Atmosphere”—from chart-topping EDM artist and DJ Kaskade’s album of the same name, released in September 2013—for a Grammy for Best Dance Recording. The album Atmosphere was also nominated, for Best Dance Record; the results will be announced Sunday, Jan. 26. The original melodies, lyrics and theme of “Atmosphere” were created by McKay Stevens, who’s a co-founder/co-owner of American Forkbased indie label Northplatte Records with Joshua James, and Nate Pyfer, who’s a producer of albums by high-caliber local bands including Polytype and Mideau. Stevens and Pyfer also play as electro-rock duo Wild Children, which doubles as a production team that creates remixes and writes songs for other artists. Pyfer wrote the original chord progression, and then he and Stevens created the melody and the original, slightly dark lyrics about, Stevens says, “a person as a star, and they push light away.” Through the local music scene, Pyfer is friends with Finn Bjarnson, who lives in Provo and produces, mixes and writes songs with Ryan Raddon, whose stage name is Kaskade, and who has previously lived in Utah but is now based in Los Angeles. Bjarnson and Kaskade—who also belong to the wellknown house group Late Night Alumni—“heard the potential” in the song, Stevens says. The two decided they’d like to include a slightly tweaked version of “Atmosphere” (they first wanted to work with Pyfer and Stevens to change the lyrics to be more positive) on the next Kaskade album. The finished product, Kaskade says in his online bio, is highly personal to him, with the hopeful lyrics “all my life I’ve been a star, holding a light up in the dark,” and features him singing on a recording for the very first time. The song starts out with only a beautiful piano line, and then slowly builds to a full-on electro dance bomb. Pyfer believes Utah’s music scene will only continue to grow and receive national attention, an upward trajectory started when bands from Salt Lake City and Provo began to break out of the independent sphere. “When people see stuff like that start to happen, they believe for themselves, ‘This is a possible reality, and I’m motivated and I get to see art on a local community level that inspires me,’ ” he says. “And I think that will continue to happen now that it’s broken through.” CW

| cityweekly.net |

hese days, they blend their voices as f lawlessly as only two people who share their lives can. But local Americana-folk duo Hope & Tim Glenn didn’t achieve musical (or romantic) harmony overnight. “It was kind of a long and winding process to actually get together as a couple,” vocalist Hope says. “And then when we were finally together, it took us a year or so to really feel comfortable playing music together. I think it was just kind of working out all the kinks of being a unit and then figuring out how to take our two musical styles and expressions and meld those into one.” Hope draws a lot of inspiration from old soul and gospel music, and Tim is influenced by Josh Ritter, Neil Young and James Taylor and other singer-songwriters and troubadours. And the stylistic blending that “we just kind of assumed would be automatic,” Hope says, actually took some finessing. “We both have strengths that play well off of each other, but for some reason when we tried to put them together in the beginning, it was like, ‘This doesn’t work, what’s happening?’ ” says vocalist/guitarist Tim. “So it took a while.” Eventually, though, they were able to take on the musicmaking roles that best suited their talents, and found a sound that showcases Hope’s powerful, soulful voice as well as Tim’s lyrics and picking. Tim is the main songwriter, while Hope creates the melodies and is involved in the editing process. “It works really well because I can sort of mold a statue, and then Hope can put in the details and make it a lot better,” Tim says. But the most magical moments on Hope & Tim Glenn’s latest full-length album, We Are the Choral Copse—released in September 2013—seem to happen when the two musicians don’t try to plan every little detail of a song, and instead set aside expectations and go with the musical flow. The entire album is stunningly lovely, warm and heartfelt—“Old John” is hauntingly beautiful, almost hymn-like— but the song “A Man of Parts” stands out in particular. “ ‘A Man of Parts’ was a song we’d had kind of on the burner for a really long time, and we wanted to make something of it,” Hope says. But during the weekend that Hope and Tim traveled to Colorado to record the album, she fell ill. “We just decided, ‘We’re going to get this song done regardless,’ ” she says. “It’s just one take of the two of us singing and a guitar, and we didn’t even have the melody ironed out—it just happened, at midnight. That’s definitely one of my favorite songs on the album.”

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| CITY WEEKLY |

34 | JANUARY 23, 2014

chloe aftel

MUSIC

Winter Blues The Autumn Defense hunkers down in Chicago winter to write new album. By Brian Palmer comments@cityweekly.net

here is nothing quite like arctic, gloomy Chicago weather to bring out the warmer, lighter side of Patrick Sansone. “Chicago winters can be long and dark, and we often find ourselves making records during the winter months,” the longtime Wilco member and multi-instrumentalist says about the latest release from his side project, The Autumn Defense. “The studio can be a warm, cozy place to hide from the cold. I think that feeling definitely found its way into the songs on Fifth, of trying to fight some seasonal depression.” Fifth—the band’s fifth album, which comes out Jan. 28—is a decidedly positive, easygoing record. A lot of the songs are akin to the warm, mid-tempo pop-rock numbers that populated AM radio stations in the ’70s and ’80s. “August Song” is a percussion-led down-tempo track that is tailor-made for summer listening, while “None of This Will Matter” marries its upbeat sound to lyrics about veering away from pointless and shallow pursuits. And “Calling Your Name” feels like it’s cut straight from the James Taylor playbook with its laid-back folk-pop sound. But for the most part, the album is centered on love songs. “This Thing That I’ve Found” zeroes in on the realization that a certain someone is perfect for you, and “Can’t Love Anyone Else” is a selfexplanatory ode to the object of Sansone’s affection. Hell, even “Under the Wheel”— which feels like a Simon & Garfunkel song, with its echoing fusion of Americana and folk music and the vocal qualities of Sansone and Wilco bassist John Stirratt— sounds pretty damned romantic. The album is the band’s most confident release yet, and demonstrates how much they’ve grown in their 15 years together. But for Sansone, it’s something of a surprise that they’ve made it this far. “I don’t think we knew when we were making our first album back in 1999 that we would still be at it in 2014,” Sansone

The Autumn Defense is on the lookout for spring.

says. “But the project has had a slow, steady push ahead, which seems appropriate. This second half of the band’s life—since we have solidified our live band, and finally got them all together in the studio for Fifth—has been very satisfying for us, musically.” The Autumn Defense’s past work has received critical acclaim from the likes of the Nashville Scene, the Chicago Reader and Paste. But regardless of whether or not Fifth ends up being a hit with critics or audiences, for Sansone, it all comes back to simply loving music and the creative opportunities that Wilco and The Autumn Defense afford him. “I love to sing, probably more so than playing any of the instruments I play,” Sansone says. “I love to play, no question about it, but I can imagine a life without playing an instrument. I can’t imagine a life without singing. So The Autumn Defense gives me a direct connection to that part of myself that I don’t get in Wilco. The two projects provide a good balance for me.” But just because Sansone can imagine a life without playing an instrument doesn’t mean his instruments are not important to him. “A flight attendant [gave] me some grief once about [bringing] my guitar on the plane,” Sansone says. “I didn’t want to check it. I knew there was space in the overheads, but she wouldn’t budge. She said to me, ‘Now sir, I like music as much as you, but you can’t bring that guitar on board.’ I said to her, ‘I can assure you, without a doubt, that you do not like music even half as much as I do.’ There was plenty of room on the plane for the guitar.” Actually, Sansone says, “Isn’t there always room for guitars?” CW

The Autumn Defense

w/Desert Noises Velour, 135 N. University Ave., Provo Thursday, Jan. 23, 8:30 p.m. $12 in advance, $14 day of show TheAutumnDefense.com, VelourLive.com w/The Hollering Pines The Urban Lounge, 241 S. 500 East Friday, Jan. 24, 9 p.m. $12 in advance, $14 day of show TheUrbanLoungeSLC.com Limited no-fee tickets at CityWeeklyStore.com

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JANUARY 23, 2014 | 35

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36 | JANUARY 23, 2014

THIS WEEK’S MUSIC PICKS Thursday 1.23

Orgone Listening to the music created by California band Orgone—pronounced with a long second O—will transport you straight into the ’70s, when disco was king and everything was just funkier. The California group started out playing instrumental-only music—a sweet, sweet cocktail of soul, funk, acid jazz and Afro disco—and even though they did eventually add vocals, Orgone has also served as a backing band for other artists including Alicia Keys and Cee Lo Green. Orgone’s new album, New You—released in summer 2013—is lush and colorful, and will put a boogie in your step with sultry female vocals, sizzling horns and killer percussion. Check out the impossibly sexy “Anticipating” and the instrumental “Powerfeed,” which belongs on the soundtrack of the coolest action movie ever made. Salem will start things off. The State Room, 638 S. State, 8 p.m., $16, TheStateRoom. com; limited no-fee tickets available at CityWeeklyStore.com

Friday 1.24

Hell’s Belles With the head-banging, the black & red striped tie, running around the stage and the trademark spin on the floor, AC/DC lead guitarist Angus Young has an instantly recognizable stage presence that—no, wait, that’s Adrian Conner, the dreadlocked guitarist for all-female AC/DC tribute band Hell’s Belles. With a getup complete with

The Toasters

LIVE

schoolgirl skirt (instead of shorts) and red blazer, as well as the uncanny ability to imitate Young’s guitar style with precision, Conner not only looks the part but sounds exactly the part. Formed in 2000 in Seattle, Hell’s Belles—led by Australian vocalist Amber Saxon—put on a live show that pays homage to the titan hard-rock band while showcasing their own legitimate high-energy chops. They’re so convincing, in fact, that Young approves: “The best AC/DC cover I’ve heard? There was an all-girl band in America, Hell’s Belles.” (Blender, 2003). Thunderfist is also on the bill. The State Room, 638 S. State, also Jan. 25, 9 p.m., $20, TheStateRoom. com; limited no-fee tickets available at CityWeeklyStore.com

Saturday 1.25

The Toasters It’s nice to have things you can always count on, like whiskey, cats being funny and, if you’re a ska fan, The Toasters. Founded in 1981 in New York City by British guitarist/frontman Rob “Bucket” Hingley, the band—which was largely responsible for ska’s export from the U.K. to America—celebrated its 30th anniversary in 2011, proof of its longevity as well as immunity to changing music trends. The Toasters’ summery sound is classic 2 Tone ska (a blend of ska, punk, reggae and rocksteady invented in England in the ’70s), something to skank to in the pit or groove to while you’re chillin’ in the backyard with friends. The band’s latest release, The Toasters: 30th Anniversary, is a collection of songs from its extensive discography, as well as energetic live tracks recorded at performances. Fat Candace and local ska band Bombshell

COMPLETE LISTINGS ONLINE

CITYWEEKLY.NET

BY KO L B IE S TO N EH O CK ER

@vonstonehocker

The Moth & the Flame Academy will open. Bar Deluxe, 666 S. State, 8 p.m., $10 in advance, $12 day of show, BarDeluxeSLC.com; limited no-fee tickets available at CityWeeklyStore.com The Moth & the Flame Provo-founded alt-rock band The Moth & the Flame might be rapidly rising to stardom, but they’re returning to Velour for a show even though they’re big and famous now. In the past year or so, they relocated to Los Angeles, came out with their first nationally released record—& (yes, just the symbol; it’s pronounced “ampersand”)— premiered a music video for “Sorry” on mtvU, scored numerous worldwide press mentions (London’s The Guardian called The Moth & the Flame “dour yet dazzling,” an apt description) and now are fresh off a European tour with Imagine Dragons. If you’re new to the hullabaloo, The Moth & the Flame’s music is slightly moody, atmospheric and intricately arranged, with mellow vocals and textured soundscapes of guitar and Radiohead-influenced synths. Toy Bombs and Apt are also on the bill. Velour, 135 N. University Ave., Provo, 8 p.m., $10, VelourLive.com

Sunday 1.26

Into It. Over It. For his fourth full-length album, Chicago musician and Into It. Over It. founder Evan Weiss dragged himself as far out of his comfort zone as possible, allowing the final product to be left largely up to chance. He wrote all of Intersections—released in fall 2013—without a guitar pick, and

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JANUARY 23, 2014 | 37

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collaborator Nick Wakim purposefully eliminated some of the drums and cymbals from his drum kit to force him to think outside of the box while writing. The result is catchy indie rock that’s simultaneously biting and slightly ethereal, sounding a bit like early Death Cab for Cutie but without the twee preciousness. The World Is A Beautiful Place & I Am No Longer Afraid To Die, A Great Big Pile of Leaves and Heartless Breakers will start things off. The Shred Shed, 60 E. Exchange Place (360 South), 6:30 p.m., $10 in advance, $12 day of show, ShredShedSLC.com

Wednesday 1.29

Hopsin On Hopsin’s first single, “Hop Is Back,” from his 2013 release, Knock Madness, the California native calls out the Louis Vuitton Don, Kanye West, by basically saying his album was garbage: “I gotta problem yo, I was ecstatic to buy Yeezus. But I burned it first, heard it and snapped in five pieces.” He then goes into a rant about how Kendrick Lamar is “like 4 foot 3, the guy’s a fuckin’ midget/ his high is still really short to me.” This whirlwind of shit talk may seem absurd to some, but this is what Hopsin does best. Over the past few years, he’s made a name for himself as a skilled, technical rapper who’s not afraid to fire shots at anyone, even the guy responsible for “Control” (Let’s be honest, everyone rips on Kanye). Funk Volume label-mate Dizzy Wright is also on the bill. (Colin Wolf) Murray Theater, 4959 S. State, 7:30 p.m., $25

Coming Soon The Expendables (Jan. 30, Park City Live), J.D. Wilkes & the Dirt Daubers (Jan. 30, The Urban Lounge), Action Bronson (Jan. 30, The Complex), Dent May (Jan. 31, Kilby Court), Toad the Wet Sprocket (Jan. 31, The Depot), Mideau, Polytype (Jan. 31, Velour, Provo), Pure Bathing Culture (Feb. 1, Kilby Court), North Mississippi Allstars (Feb. 4-5, The State Room), The Wild War (Feb. 5, The Urban Lounge)

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JANUARY 23, 2014 | 39

CONCERTS & CLUBS

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Since first sharing the stage with artists like Matt Nathanson and Jason Mraz, folk-pop band Ryanhood has rapidly gained credibility as â&#x20AC;&#x153;a match made in radio heavenâ&#x20AC;? (Arizona Daily Star). The Arizona duo, made up of Ryan Green and Cameron Hood, has received numerous Tucson Music Awards, including Best Folk Band and Best Rock Band, since their first album, After Night Came Sun, was released in 2011. And itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not surprising: Green and Hoodâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s vocal harmonies and airtight guitar riffsâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;as heard on their newest album Start Somewhere, released in fall 2013â&#x20AC;&#x201D;have the ability to jump effortlessly between breezy acoustic folk and catchy electrified pop rock. Hunter Harrison will start things off. (Ana Bentz) Tuesday, Jan. 28 @ The Shred Shed, 60 E. Exchange Place (360 South), 8 p.m., $8, TheShredShedSLC.com

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Karaoke (Bourbon House) Michael Kirkpatrick, Red Bennies, Skyler Lutes (Burtâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Tiki Lounge) Karaoke (Club Try-Angles) Steve Smooth (Downstairs, Park City) The Brothers Comatose (Earlâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Lodge, Snowbasin) Jazz Joint Thursday: Mark Chaney & the Garage All Stars (The Garage) Jordan Young (The Hog Wallow Pub) TRL (The Hotel & Club Elevate) Concerts at Sundance: Katie McMinn, Jack & Jill, Bonanza Town (Hotel Park City) The Signal Sound, The Danger Kids (Kilby Court) Nostalgia, Misamore (Muse Music Cafe, Provo)

Open Mic (The Paper Moon) Dash Berlin (Park City Live) Song Tales: Monty Powell & Anna Wilson (The Royal) Of Ivy & Ash, Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Awake, The Infernal (The Shred Shed) Access Film Music Showcase (The Spur Bar & Grill, Park City) Orgone, Salem (The State Room) Jazz Jam Session (Sugar House Coffee) Danksquad Outdoor Retailers Party: gLAdiator, NightFreq, Flash & Flare (The Urban Lounge) The Autumn Defense, Desert Noises (Velour, Provo, see p. 34)

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| cityweekly.net |

| CITY WEEKLY |

42 | JANUARY 23, 2014

CONCERTS & CLUBS Complete listings online @ cityweekly.net

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With a sound as breezy as the island it’s named after, St. Lucia’s music has a calming effect on listeners—it’s like being rocked in a hammock (albeit a hammock inside of a disco club). There’s something subconscious about the songs Jean-Philip Grobler churns out. The South African crooner’s lyrics are like words from the mouth of a sleepwalker: nonsensical but at the same time conveying a dream-like image. In an interview with Death & Taxes, Grobler explained that most of his lyrics “are a train of thought, and come with the music” and that he’s “not trying to consciously tell a story or relay a message.” However, just as weird dreams occasionally turn out to be really perceptive, so also do Grobler’s lyrics take on new meaning. In the end, it doesn’t matter how Grobler made his songs, because the result is unadulterated electronic bliss. Sir Sly is also on the bill. (Hilary Packham) Wednesday, Jan. 29 @ The Urban Lounge, 241 S. 500 East, 9 p.m., $10 in advance, $12 day of show, TheUrbanLoungeSLC. com; limited no-fee tickets available at CityWeeklyStore.com

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| CITY WEEKLY |

44 | JANUARY 23, 2014

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CONCERTS & CLUBS Complete listings online @ cityweekly.net Birds in the Trees, Michelle Moonshine (The Garage) Unthinkable Thoughts, The Feros Project, Meat, The Krypled, Riksha (Gino’s) Marinade (The Hog Wallow Pub) Play Fridays (The Hotel/Club Elevate) DJ Bently (Inferno Cantina) DJ Lishus (Jam) Stubeeee CD Release, Tetris Fingers, Gaszia, Kudo (Kilby Court) Queenadilla; Jefferson & York; The Ladells; The Salt, The Sea & the Sun God (Muse Music Cafe, Provo) Colt 46 (The Outlaw Saloon, Ogden) DJ Ria (The Red Door) Shasta & the Second Strings, Berel Alexander Band, The Swinging Lights (The Royal) A-Rodge, Heath Cliff, KDZ, Captain Nerk, The Astroknauts (The Shred Shed) Andy Frasco & the U.N. (The Spur Bar & Grill, Park City) Hell’s Belles (The State Room) The Autumn Defense, The Hollering Pines (The Urban Lounge, see p. 34) Luna Lune (Velour, Provo) The Funk & Gonzo Show (The Woodshed)

Saturday 1.25 Fetish Ball (Area 51) The Toasters, Bombshell Academy, Fat Candace (Bar Deluxe) David Halliday, The Number Ones (The Bayou) Chalula (Bourbon House) Sounds Like Teen Spirit (Brewskis, Ogden) Oldskool Night: Draize Method, Victims Willing, L.S.D.O., Maimed for Life (Burt’s Tiki Lounge) Hope for Haiti Fundraiser: Kablaya (Center for Spiritual Living, Salt Lake City) DJ BoyToy (Club Try-Angles) DJ Mom Jeans Sundance Closing Party (Downstairs, Park City) Jeff Crosby & the Refugees (Earl’s Lodge, Snowbasin) Black Market III (The Garage) Karaoke (Guru’s Café, Provo) Deseret Drifters (The Hog Wallow Pub) Ultra Saturdays (The Hotel/Club Elevate) DJ Lishus (Jam) Urban Blue, Tim Daniels Band (Kamikazes, Ogden) Party Like a Rock Star (Karamba) Miss Cross, Westward, Eli Buxton (Kilby Court)

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| cityweekly.net |

| CITY WEEKLY |

46 | JANUARY 23, 2014

CONCERTS & CLUBS Complete listings online @ cityweekly.net

BEST POOL TABLES 14 YEARS & COUNTING

1/22 Jordan Young ACOUSTIC 1/24 Green River Blues 1/25 Michelle Moonshine & HER BAND

1/29 Christian Coleman ACOUSTIC DAILY FOOD SPECIALS

2182 SOUTH HIGHLAND DRIVE (801) 484-9467 · fatsgrillslc.com

Static Waves, Float the Boat, The Virescent Project, Woonded Accordian (Muse Music Cafe, Provo) Colt 46 (The Outlaw Saloon, Ogden) Ludacris (Park City Live) The Party Rockers (The Royal) Burnell Washburn, Black Lion, Jesus Or Genome, Mr. Smith (The Shred Shed) Steven Roth Band (The Spur Bar & Grill) Hell’s Belles (The State Room) Joy Spring Band (afternoon) (Sugar House Coffee) Grover Anderson (evening) (Sugar House Coffee) Saga Outerwear Outdoor Retailers Party: Matty Mo, Pierce (The Urban Lounge) The Moth & the Flame, Toy Bombs, Apt (Velour, Provo) Dance Evolution (The Woodshed)

Sunday 1.26 Funk & Soul Night With DJ Street Jesus (Bourbon House) Karaoke Swilldown (Burt’s Tiki Lounge) Garage Acoustic Series: Anke Summerhill (The Garage) DJ Flash & Flare (The Green Pig Pub) Superstar Karaoke (Jam) Pachanga Night (Karamba) Entourage Karaoke (Piper Down) The World Is a Beautiful Place & I Am No Longer Afraid to Die, Into It. Over It., A Great Big Pile of Leaves, Heartless Breakers (The Shred Shed) Open Mic (The Spur Bar & Grill, Park City) A Band With an Angel (Sugar House Coffee Karaoke (Tavernacle) Karaoke That Doesn’t Suck (The Woodshed)

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January 24 & 25

Hell’s Belles The State Room

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The Paul Duane Show Epic Nightclub

Monday 1.27 Open Blues Jam (The Green Pig Pub) 3 Doors Down Acoustic (Park City Live) Uroboric Deity, The Lament Configuration, Cries of the Captive, Inhuman Hands, Wrath of Vesuvius (The Shred Shed) Bingo Karaoke (Tavernacle) Big Wild Wings, Birthquake, Jawwzz, The Watches (The Urban Lounge)

Tuesday 1.28 Candy’s River House, Tavaputs, The Freeway Revival Band (Bar Deluxe) Local Jazz Jam (Bourbon House) Kid Slim & the Specktators (Burt’s Tiki Lounge) Rockabilly Tuesday (The Garage) Dirty 30 (Muse Music Cafe, Provo)

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St. Lucia

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Karaoke (The Paper Moon) Ryanhood, Hunter Harrison (The Shred Shed) Tony Oros (The Spur Bar & Grill, Park City) Whistling Rufus (Sugar House Coffee) Bingo Karaoke (Tavernacle) Madchild, Slaine, DJ Juggy, Supreme Villain, Swollen Members (The Urban Lounge) Open Mic (Velour, Provo) Open Mic Night (The Wall) Karaoke That Doesn’t Suck (The Woodshed)

Wednesday 1.29 Karaoke Wednesday (Devil’s Daughter) DJ Street Jesus (The Green Pig Pub) Will & Dave Duo (The Hog Wallow Pub)

Karaoke (The Hotel & Club Elevate) Want Me Wednesday (Inferno Cantina) Superstar Karaoke (Jam) Hopsin, Dizzy Wright (Murray Theater) Karaoke (The Outlaw Saloon, Ogden) Entourage Karaoke (Piper Down) Sianvar, The Venetia Fair, Stolas, Visitors, A Lot Like Birds (The Shred Shed) Karaoke (The Spur Bar & Grill, Park City) St. Lucia, Sir Sly (The Urban Lounge) DJ Neighborhood Brains (after show) (The Urban Lounge) DJ Matty Mo (Willie’s Lounge) Jam Night With Music Glue (The Woodshed) Sweet Salt Records: A Good Ole Time (Zest Kitchen & Bar)

1: THE GROUCH & ELIGH - MAR 8: REAL ESTATE - MAR 24: THE ANNOUNCED MAR APPLESEED CAST - APR 8: CARAVAN PALACE - APR 15: KATIE HERZIG THIS WEEK APR 22: GRAVEYARD - MAY 13: ACID MOTHER’S TEMPLE JAN 22: AUDIOFLO PRESENTS

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ST. LUCIA

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J.D. WILKES & THE DIRT DAUBERS

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JANUARY 23, 2014 | 49

Solutions available on request via e-mail: Sudoku@cityweekly.net.

| CITY WEEKLY |

No math is involved. The grid has numbers, but nothing has to add up to anything else. Solve the puzzle with reasoning and logic. Solving time is typically 10 to 30 minutes, depending on your skill and experience.

Complete the grid so that each row, column, diagonal and 3x3 square contain all of the numbers 1 to 9.

Last weekâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s answers

1. "____ X" (2003 Lisa Kudrow comedy) 2. "There's ____ every crowd!" 3. Used a Smith Corona 4. Garden shed item 5. Dr. for the neck up 6. Isabella and Maria Luisa, e.g. 7. Allow to attack 8. Antipasto tidbit 9. "seaQuest ____" (1990s series)

49. Years and years 51. Gets better 52. Things released from Pandora's box 53. Swiss city on the Rhine 54. Lincoln Center offering 55. Acted like a sycophant 60. Wharf locale: Abbr. 61. Yours, in Italy 62. Brain and spinal cord: Abbr. 63. Inventor's cry

SUDOKU

Down

10. Wide shoe spec 11. Inner circle 12. "Flags ____ Fathers" (2006 film) 13. Shoulder muscles, for short 15. "Ta-ta!" 22. Civil rights advocate ____ B. Wells 23. 1970s Dodgers All-Star Ron 24. Some gowns on Oscar night 25. Hanes alternative 28. "Straight Outta Compton" rap group 29. Go wrong 30. Barack Obama's sign 31. State since 1863: Abbr. 32. Dracula, for one 33. NFL ball carriers 34. Treadmill setting 35. Disco ____ 36. "Rushmore" director Anderson 38. Jobs' job, once 41. Local news hour 42. Pac-12 team, for short 43. Kind of tape 45. Portugal's peninsula 46. Kardashian spouse ____ Odom 47. Psalm starter 48. Jackson of the Modern Jazz Quartet and others

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1. Jackpot 11. Fish and chips fish 14. Question after a public shellacking 15. ____ con leche 16. Like a broken record 17. "American ____" 18. Inc., abroad 19. Part of USNA: Abbr. 20. Stuck in ____ 21. Pointed to 25. Some South Africans 26. ____ Plaines, Ill. 27. Itemized bill: Abbr. 29. Stanford QB drafted #1 in 1983 32. Throng 34. Jesus, for one 37. Minister's moniker 38. Lethal snake 39. Bauxite, e.g. 40. Paraguayan author Augusto ____ Bastos 41. As a joke, he submitted to his editor "Big X, little x, XXX. Someday, kiddies, you will learn about SEX" 42. Fuel for piston-engine aircraft 44. "Positively Entertaining" cable channel 45. Suffix with fiend 46. Ethnomusicologist Alan 50. "Seinfeld" episode in which Elaine says "I'm never eating here again" 56. Sacha Baron Cohen character 57. 12/31, e.g. 58. Imitate 59. Yard pest 60. Steps up ... or what's featured in this puzzle's three areas of circles 64. Newspaper section 65. Request to a cabby 66. They may be dirt: Abbr. 67. Help to prepare dinner, say

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50 | JANUARY 23, 2014

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Go to RealAstrology.com for Rob Brezsny’s expanded weekly audio horoscopes and daily text-message horoscopes. Audio horoscopes also available by phone at 877-873-4888 or 900-950-7700.

ARIES (March 21-April 19) Actor Casey Affleck appreciates the nurturing power of his loved ones. “My family would be supportive,” he says, “if I said I wanted to be a Martian, wear only banana skins, make love to ashtrays, and eat tree bark.” I’d like to see you cultivate allies like that in the coming months, Aries. Even if you have never had them before, there’s a good chance they will be available. For best results, tinker with your understanding of who your family might be. Redefine what “community” means to you. TAURUS (April 20-May 20) Author John Koenig says we often regard emotions as positive or negative. Feeling respect is good, for example, while being wracked with jealousy is bad. But he favors a different standard for evaluating emotions: how intense they are. At one end of the spectrum, everything feels blank and blah, even the big things. “At the other end is wonder,” he says, “in which everything feels alive, even the little things.” Your right and proper goal right now, Taurus, is to strive for the latter kind: full-on intensity and maximum vitality. Luckily, the universe will be conspiring to help you achieve that goal. GEMINI (May 21-June 20) On her blog other-wordly.tumblr.com, Yee-Lum Mak defines the Swedish word resfeber this way: “The restless race of the traveler’s heart before the journey begins, when anxiety and anticipation are tangled together.” You might be experiencing resfeber right now, Gemini. Even if you’re not about to depart on a literal trip, I’m guessing you will soon start wandering out on a quest or adventure that will bring your heart and mind closer together. Paradoxically, your explorations will teach you a lot about being better grounded. Bon voyage!

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VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) Dogs have a superb sense of smell, much better than us humans. But ours isn’t bad. We can detect certain odors that have been diluted to one part in five billion. For example, if you were standing next to two Olympic-sized swimming pools, and only one contained a few drops of the chemical ethyl mercaptan, you would know which one it was. I’m now calling on you to exercise that level of sensitivity, Virgo. There’s a situation in the early stages of unfolding that would ultimately emanate a big stink if you allowed it to keep developing. There is a second unripe situation, on the other hand, that would eventually yield fragrant blooms. I advise you to either quash or escape from the first, even as you cultivate and treasure the second.

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LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) “I’m not sure where to go from here. I need help.” I encourage you to say those words out loud, Leo. Even if you’re not sure you believe they’re true, act as if they are. Why? Because I think it would be healthy for you to express uncertainty and ask for assistance. It would relieve you of the oppressive pressure to be a masterful problem-solver. It could free you from the unrealistic notion that you’ve got to figure everything out by yourself. And this would bring you, as if by magic, interesting offers and inquiries. In other words, if you confess your neediness, you will attract help. Some of it will be useless, but most of it will be useful.

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CANCER (June 21-July 22) How does a monarch butterfly escape its chrysalis when it has finished gestating? Through tiny holes in the skin of the chrysalis, it takes big gulps of air and sends them directly into its digestive system, which expands forcefully. Voila! Its body gets so big it breaks free. When a chick is ready to emerge from inside its egg, it has to work harder than the butterfly. With its beak, it must peck thousands of times at the shell, stopping to rest along the way because the process is so demanding. According to my analysis, Cancerian, you’re nearing the final stage before your metaphorical emergence from gestation. Are you more like the butterfly or chick?

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) Whatever adventures may flow your way in the coming weeks, Libra, I hope you will appreciate them for what they are: unruly but basically benevolent; disruptive in ways that catalyze welcome transformations; a bit more exciting than you might like, but ultimately pretty fun. Can you thrive on the paradoxes? Can you delight in the unpredictability? I think so. When you look back at these plot twists two months from now, I bet you’ll see them as entertaining storylines that enhance the myth of your hero’s journey. You’ll understand them as tricky gifts that have taught you valuable secrets about your soul’s code. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) Manufacturing a jelly bean is not a quick, slam-bam process. It’s a five-step procedure that takes a week. Each seemingly uncomplicated piece of candy has to be built up layer by layer, with every layer needing time to fully mature. I’m wondering if maybe there’s a metaphorically similar kind of work ahead for you, Scorpio. May I speculate? You will have to take your time, proceed carefully, and maintain a close attention to detail as you prepare a simple pleasure. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) I understand the appeal of the f-word. It’s guttural and expulsive. It’s a perverse form of celebration that frees speakers from their inhibitions. But I’m here today to announce that its rebel cachet and vulgar power are extinct. It has decayed into a barren cliché. Its official death-from-oversaturation occurred with the release of the mainstream Hollywood blockbuster The Wolf of Wall Street. Actors in the film spat out the rhymes-with-cluck word more than 500 times. I hereby nominate you Sagittarians to begin the quest for new ways to invoke rebellious irreverence. What interesting mischief and naughty wordplay might you perpetrate to escape your inhibitions, break taboos that need to be broken, and call other people on their BS and hypocrisy? CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) German philosopher Immanuel Kant (1724-1804) has had a major impact on the development of ideas in the Western world. We can reasonably divide the history of philosophy into two eras: pre-Kantian and post-Kantian. And yet for his whole life, which lasted 79 years, this big thinker never traveled more than ten miles away from Konigsberg, the city where he was born. He followed a precise and methodical routine, attending to his work with meticulous detail. According to my analysis, you Capricorns could have a similar experience in the coming weeks. By sticking close to the tried-and-true rhythms that keep you grounded and healthy, you can generate influential wonders. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) The Aquarian author Georges Simenon (1903-1989) wrote more than 200 novels under his own name and 300 more under pseudonyms. On average, he finished a new book every 11 days. Half a billion copies of his books are in print. I’m sorry to report that I don’t think you will ever be as prolific in your own chosen field as he was in his. However, your productivity could soar to a hefty fraction of Simenon-like levels in 2014—if you’re willing to work your ass off. Your luxuriant fruitfulness won’t come as easily as his seemed to. But you should be overjoyed that you at least have the potential to be luxuriantly fruitful. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) When I’m older and wiser, maybe I’ll understand the meaning of my life. When I’m older and wiser, maybe I’ll gain some insight about why I’m so excited to be alive despite the fact that my destiny is so utterly mysterious. What about you, Pisces? What will be different for you when you’re older and wiser? Now is an excellent time to ponder this riddle. Why? Because it’s likely you will get a glimpse of the person you will have become when you are older and wiser—which will in turn intensify your motivation to become that person.

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hatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the one thing most of us wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t live without? Sex. Sex is extraordinary in part because it can mean many things to many people. Sex can be an act of affection. It can solemnize a relationship or relieve stress. Sex can be a link between two people who care for one another, or a connection between strangers, too powerful to ignore. In all of those scenarios sex is fun. But when youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re sexually active there is a level of personal responsibility that is often shirked because it isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t fun: getting tested. I go to my doctor to get tested. Even though Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve known him for years, I still get nervous. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not nervous because I believe he will judge me or because of the awkward line of questioning that follows each request. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m nervous for the same reasons everyone else who is sexually active might be nervous. Using protection is a really good idea, but it doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t mean youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re completely free from risk. What if the tests come back positive for an STD? What if my HIV result is positive? The â&#x20AC;&#x153;what ifâ&#x20AC;? factor in getting tested causes too many people to abandon good judgment and just not do it. That puts all of us at risk, especially in the LGBT community. According to the Utah Department of Health, male to male sexual contact accounts for almost 65% of reports of HIV exposure in Utah. The Salt Lake Valley Health Department estimates nearly 1000 people in Salt Lake County donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know they are HIV positive. If we arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t getting tested we arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t just playing Russian roulette with our own lives, weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re putting others in dangerous situations. Being HIV positive is no longer a death sentence. So many people are living healthy, virally undetectable lives right here in Utah. There are new, innovative ways to test and treat sexually transmitted diseases and infections. We all need to get tested and know our status so that we can act responsibly. We should believe in fun, happy, healthy sex lives. But we should also believe in the personal responsibility that comes with being sexually active. Guessing isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t good enough, and relying on outdated test results isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t acceptable. We have the power to reduce the increasing number of STD and HIV cases touching the lives of LGBT Utahns. For more information on getting tested in Salt Lake City visit utahaids.org, plannedparetnhood.org, or slcohealth. org. The Utah Aids Foundation, Planned Parenthood, and the Salt Lake County Health Department accept walk-ins. n

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is the big awards weekend for Park City and I’m staying home to watch Mitt on Netflix. Thanks Mr. Redford for 30 years of expanding our minds and padding the wallets of local restaurants, shops, ski resorts and our economy. You are a god and may you live forever. As you read this short tribute, every Tom, Dick and Mary is selling their soul for a ticket to a private party of a Hollywood film producer, sneaking into an added screening or jumping in a picture to photo bomb a Celebutard. I worked at the festival in its early years under then director, Cinda Holt. I was head of transportation and housing, back when all of the housing for filmmakers was donated by Park City hosts and all of the cars used to schlep people around came from the local Jeep dealership. Limos were rare, there were few shuttles, little security, and payphones were still in use. T here was no paparazzi back then. Candice Bergin could check in and then go have a sandwich without many people noticing. I recall Jodi Foster wasn’t old enough to drink liquor and had to check in with her mom on the office phone each day. She ended up leaving early when her mom called and told her she was nominated for her first Academy Award for The Accused in 1988. Steven Soderberg was an unknown kid we put up in a condo share with other minor filmmakers. He ended up winning for his first entry to Sundance: Sex, Lies and Videotape. Soderberg was only 26 years old when he took home the award and Roger Ebert labeled him right then, “The poster boy of the Sundance generation.” Over the years the Sundance Film Festival has spread outside of Summit County to Salt Lake City, Sundance Resort and Ogden and with movie fans around the world. We’ve come a long way in promoting our state since the days Tom Mix made a western in Southern Utah and the transportation flunkies for the film realized the area needed a hotel (thus the Parry Lodge in Kanab). What’s good for Sundance is good for all of Utah. The David Eccles School of Business reported that the Festival brought in almost $60 million in international media exposure, almost $6 million in tax revenue and supported 1407 jobs last year. Watch for many of the movies to be aired throughout the year at the Utah Film’s Society’s Tower and Broadway Cinemas. n

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BANKRUPTCY $

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