City Weekly Dec 24, 2015

C I T Y W E E K LY. N E T D E C E M B E R 2 4 , 2 0 1 5 | V O L . 3 2 N 0 . 3 3

But Do They Know it's

Christmas?

Frowned upon by the FLDS Church, Christmas makes a comeback on the Utah-Arizona border.

By Stephen Dark

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2 | DECEMBER 24, 2015

CWCONTENTS COVER STORY BUT DO THEY KNOW IT’S CHRISTMAS?

Frowned upon by the FLDS Church, Christmas makes a comeback on the Utah-Arizona border.

Cover illustration by Derek Carlisle

17

CONTRIBUTOR

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MANAGING EDITOR

Enrique Limón Much to his mother’s discomfort, Enrique was born feet-first on a warm Southern California day. “I’ve been doing things my way ever since,” he boasts. In his free time, he likes to breakdance to the beats in his head and go through other people’s stuff. The best part?

He has that new managing editor smell.

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Ted Scheffler’s Wine of the Year will set you back $90 ... and that’s a bargain.

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4 | DECEMBER 24, 2015

LETTERS Welfairy Tale

Most fairy tales begin “once upon a time, in a land far, far away.” The American sports industry’s fairy tale begins “all the time, right here.” Apart from that, though, it’s very similar to other fairy tales in that no sensible adult really believes the main elements of the story. It goes like this: The ultra-wealthy owners of an ultra-profitable sports franchise decide their team needs a new stadium. But they have no intention of paying for that stadium themselves. They want the local, county and state governments in the area where the team plays to pick up the tab. And if those governments don’t cooperate, well, they’ll pack up the team and move it to some area with a government that’s more willing to fleece the taxpayers on its behalf.

Here’s where the fairy tale element comes in: Hey, guys, relax—this thing will more than pay for itself! Sure, you’re going to make taxpayers cover the building costs. Sure, you’re going to write all kinds of special tax breaks for the team’s owners into the deal. But the new stadium will create so much new economic development around it that you’ll be swimming in jobs.

But study after study shows that the “economic development” claims are fairy tales. Stadium projects are at best an economic wash for the locales in which they’re built. My former home of St. Louis, Mo., seems to be the proverbial sucker born every day. A decade or so ago, governments built a new stadium for the local Major League Baseball team, the Cardinals. Now, the city’s National Football League franchise, the

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Rams, wants one, too, at a cost of $1.1 billion, even though the bonds on their current venue won’t be paid off for another six years. The team’s owner, Stan Kroenke (estimated net worth: $7.7 billion), has threatened to move the team back to California if the taxpayers won’t pick up the vast bulk of the check.

Let’s call this what it is: Welfare for the rich, stolen from regular folks. The billionaires get a happy ending. Everyone else gets eaten by the bears. Or, in this case, by the Rams.

THOMAS L. KNAPP Gainesville, Fla.

Increase Alzheimer’s Funding

There are a few moments in life when we can be a part of changing history. If you choose, that moment is now knocking at your door. A bill was recently introduced in Congress that includes an historic increase of $350 million per year for Alzheimer’s research. If this funding is signed into law, hundreds of our nation’s leading Alzheimer’s researchers will have the resources to conduct studies that could yield the missing clues for treatments and care breakthroughs we’ve seen with other diseases. This increase in funding will allow critical work to move forward, bringing us much closer to improvements in care and treatment.

Alzheimer’s is the sixth leading cause of death in the United States, and takes the lives of 500,000 people each year. It is the only disease among the top 10 killers that cannot be prevented, cured or even slowed.

Take time now to contact Senators Lee and Hatch and your Representative Bishop, Stewart, Chaffetz or Love. Ask them to support this funding. Change history today.

RONNIE DANIEL Salt Lake City

The Koch Influence

The Libertas Institute—like the Sutherland Institute and the Utah Taxpayers Foundation—are all local Utah affiliates of and controlled by the Koch brothers’ State Policy Network. All three organizations are also unofficial, but very real arms and agents doing the dirty work (i.e., lobbying, false propaganda, etc.) of Mormon church leaders, and therefore the Mormon church.

The claim that Salt Lake City is Utah’s least free city only means that it is slightly less under control of this syndicate than other places in Utah.

STUART McDONALD Salt Lake City

STAFF Business/Office

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Sales

Contributors CECIL ADAMS, KATHARINE BIELE, ROB BREZSNY, BABS DE LAY, BILL FROST, GEOFF GRIFFIN, MARYANN JOHANSON, LINDSAY LARKIN, KATHERINE PIOLI, TED SCHEFFLER, CHUCK SHEPHERD, ERIC D. SNIDER, ALEX SPRINGER, BRIAN STAKER, BRYAN YOUNG

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6 | DECEMBER 24, 2015

PRIVATE EY

­­­­­­Xmas Central

Years ago, there was a Grand Central Store just past 3300 South on State Street. Back in the day, if you wanted something, anything, you went to Grand Central. For us, it wasn’t an everyday or easy thing to do, since we lived miles away in Bingham Canyon, but at Christmastime, particularly, I remember going to Grand Central for a couple hours of exciting shopping.

It’s where I bought my first album—a collection of barely notable songs from the 1960s, including the Billy Joe Royal small hit, “Down in the Boondocks.” Bought my first and only album by The Monkees there, too. And goldfish, jigsaw puzzles, model airplanes and clothes. Grand Central had it all, I tell ya. And it was most certainly around Christmas season that my mom bought one of her many Christmas albums. She could sing like a canary, and she knew all the words to all the songs, and every Christmas she’d buy a new holiday album with all the old songs performed by different artists.

There she’d be around this time of year, flocking the Christmas tree with some artificial snow purchased at Grand Central.

I thought it was nutty: After all, the snow outside our door was a few feet deep and here we sat inside, with fake snow sprayed onto our tree that a brother or uncle chopped down in the nearby hills. It was now standing perfectly in our living room, crutched up by a homemade tree stand that my dad fashioned with scraps of wood and his table saw. Some years, the tree was fake, too—basically a broomstick with silver tinsel branches poking off of it, and the streaming colors from the rotating color wheel shining right through the damned thing, but, you know, trends.

Our tree always stood right in front of my dad’s liquor stash—an association so connected to me that I swear gin would have been the gift of the fourth Magi if there were one. And across the room, stretching nearly a full wall of our living room, was our stereo, complete with sliding doors that held what passed for a record collection in those days,

maybe 30 albums or so, with the largest percentage dedicated to Christmas hymns. My mom, every year, sang along, taking a break only to open the stencil kit she most certainly bought at Grand Central, holding a paper stencil (of a candle, perhaps) against the window and spraying that Grand Central stencil goop all over get out to create a winter Christmas scene. It was some kind of sticky, colorful, gluey stuff, like visible, thick hairspray, but it’s all we had, and each of our windows became painted with a green wreath, a white snowflake or a jolly red Santa Claus. I can’t think of anyone who had Christmas lights in our corner of Bingham Canyon, but stenciled windows?

Oh yeah. Everyone who could afford it.

Many just had green paper wreaths.

During one Christmas season she brought home yet another collection of Christmas “hits.”

Two of her favorite singers were Johnny Mathis and Nat King Cole, and each performed this particular song, but I’m pretty sure it was the Mathis version that got me hooked. Today, I was doing my annual lastminute shopping early (three days before Christmas; I like to shop on Christmas Eve when, on occasion, I’ve named my price for certain items or threatened to walk off—I get my price. Merry Christmas to me), when this song played over the store intercom:

STAFF BOX

B Y J O H N S A LTA S @johnsaltas

It’s my favorite Christmas song, the one that stirs the deepest memories and the one that stops me dead in my tracks each time I hear it, no matter who is singing, be it Mathis, or Cole—or George Strait, Faith Hill, Josh Groban, Frank Sinatra, Luther Vandross, The Mormon Tabernacle Choir, or even (especially?) Weezer. The great tenor Pavarotti himself did an elegant version, but in the original Latin—Adeste Fideles. I listened to it today. Talk about the shivers. Goodness, in this age of text messages and emojis, music is often just one more annoying abstraction, and I’d nearly forgotten what it means to be moved by words and music. We are indeed lucky not to be weeds or rocks.

I stood in the store today and listened and remembered. And the memories were good.

For the record, I happen to believe that Christmas means more than getting two front teeth or watching Mommy kiss Santa—unless of course, Mommy and Santa are starring in one of those so-called “Adult Content” movies that I’ve never purchased in a hotel in Omaha.

Christmas is good. I, however, haven’t always been, and like many of you, I’ve come to dread the day and this entire shoppingspree season. This year, I’ll try to be a good boy. I hope you will be as well. Meanwhile, I’ve got but one Christmas message: The Happy Holiday police and Bill O’Reilly “War on Christmas” cadets can both kiss my Greek kolo.

Wherever you were when you were 7 or 11, do return to that moment, if only for the time it takes to light a candle. If you go to church, fine; if you don’t, fine. But, somewhere, celebrate a nice memory. I’ll remember window stencils and Mom singing with Johnny Mathis. Peace to you. Merry Christmas, too. CW

I HAPPEN TO BELIEVE THAT CHRISTMAS MEANS MORE THAN GETTING TWO FRONT TEETH OR WATCHING MOMMY KISS SANTA

O come all ye faithful, Joyful and triumphant, O come ye, O come ye to Bethlehem.

Come and behold Him, Born the King of Angels; O Come, let us adore Him, O Come, let us adore Him, O Come, let us adore Him, Christ the Lord.

And so on.

Readers can comment at cityweekly.net

What is your favorite Christmas memory or fave Christmas song?

Cody Winget: I really love “Christmas Wrapping” by the Waitresses. I also love “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree,” the Brenda Lee version.

Stephen Dark: The angelic delight and love on my daughter Katy’s face each year as she hid at the top of the stairs to watch my kindly former neighbor in Sandy, Bob, dressed up as Santa, bring in a bag of presents each Christmas Eve. I’m happy to report that Katy, even at the tender age of 13, remains stubbornly faithful in her love for the big red guy.

Alissa Dimick: If you were paying me to choose, I’d say “O, Holy Night” and the year I got my first bike.

Molli Stitzel: My favorite Christmas memory is my parents’ annual Christmas Eve party. Our house was full of loved ones, and my dad cooked a lot of Italian goodies. It was a wonderful tradition to grow up with!

Eleni Saltas: Every year, my brothers and I watch both Home Alone 1 & 2 on Christmas Eve and nearly quote every scene (“Eat brick, kid”). We know the movies so well, it makes me wonder when our parents will get the idea to leave us stranded in a random city for Christmas.

Jeremiah Smith: My absolute favorite Christmas song is “Fairy Tale of New York” by the Pogues. Why, you may ask?

Have you met me?

Paula Saltas: The best is “Christmas Shoes.” If you don’t get teary, then you’re not human.

Enrique Limón: All of them. Except for that damned “Christmas Shoes.”

Send comments to john@cityweekly.net.

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DECEMBER 24, 2015 | 7

HITS&MISSES

BY KATHARINE BIELE

RANDOM QUESTIONS, SURPRISING ANSWERS

@kathybiele

Western Freedom

Public Land Hit List

Is Hiring

AN ACCOUNT EXECUTIVE Responsibilities include: Selling print and digital advertising to local and some regional businesses.

Email your resume to jennifer@cityweekly.net

In fact, public lands were on the hit list this past week.

Utah’s Reps. Rob Bishop, Chris Stewart and Jason Chaffetz sent a pissy letter to the Department of Interior calling for more mineral leasing, according to The Salt Lake Tribune. And of course, the state is moving forward with suing the feds for the lands, despite legal experts calling it a foolish move. Then came the sentencing of San Juan Commissioner Phil Lyman—to a whole 10 days in jail. That this caused widespread stupefaction among those who had witnessed environmental activist Tim DeChristopher’s sentencing to 21 months in prison. “This is not about Mr. Lyman but really about our rich heritage of convenient hypocrisy between privilege and everyone else,” wrote Salt Lake County District Attorney Sim Gill. And he is right.

EPA Public Input

Apparently, the EPA thinks it needs just a little more public input about cleaning Utah’s air. Before you choke on the irony and the pollution, just remember we’re dealing with bureaucracy. The good news is that one of the two proposals requires the installation of additional pollution controls to reduce emissions of nitrogen oxide from the Rocky Mountain Power’s coal-fired Hunter and Huntington plants.

But the bad news is that one of the options—the state’s—would just credit RMP for closing its Carbon plant. The state, according to KSL, says the “good” option is good only for a few remote areas, and won’t address regional haze. But if you want some progress, then get out there and comment for the next 60 days. Submit comments, identified by Docket ID No. EPA-R08-OAR-2015-0463, to the Federal eRulemaking Portal: Regulations.gov

COURTESY PHOTO

If you were upset that Gov. Gary Herbert donated to the Phil Lyman Recapture Canyon cause, then listen up. At least it was Herbert’s own money. The Iron County Commission voted last week to put $20,000 of transient room tax toward the Western Freedom Festival next year.

This is a purely political festival devoted to trashing progressive thinking. “The Western Freedom Festival is an attempt to educate the world about the negative impact progressive policies are having on the health, safety and welfare of citizens in the West,” said a festival press release. U.S. Rep. Chris Stewart just loves the idea, saying the federal government has been a “lousy landlord,” if you know what he means. A sad little group called Citizens for Government Responsibility in Southern Utah made no headway with the commission in getting public records related to the tax money.

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8 | DECEMBER 24, 2015

FIVE SPOT

Guitarist Jamie Glaser has worked on TV shows such as Seinfeld, Married With Children, Saved by the Bell and others. A graduate of the Berklee College of Music in Boston, he’s currently working on two solo albums, one titled Music From the Right Hemisphere, and another titled Grateful Am I, which is influenced by his Mormon faith. Like a lot of Glaser’s work, both albums are flavored with funk, jazz and pop influences. Glaser lives in Utah with his 17 pets.

In 2006, you published Hear the Silence, an inspirational look at life following the 1994 earthquake in California, when you experienced homelessness and loss. What got you through that period?

I was down and out from the day the earthquake happened in 1994 for two years. I was confused, depressed, broke, and all that goes with that. When Seinfeld’s composer threatened to fire me unless I went for help, I knew I had to do something. The day I started with therapy was the day I began to live again. Two years later, I was whole again, happy and doing well. I wanted to share the stories that I went through to get back on my feet. Hear the Silence was written to help others who face life challenges as small as just being blue and sad to major disorders. I found how to “get through” because of hearing what was in the silence: love, joy, and other’s help.

What’s your musical journey been like?

I grew up in New York and moved to the West Coast in 1981. Both coasts have amazing musicians, people who are creative and the best of their craft. New York has a fire that is unbreakable and also a culture that goes back. Los Angeles is where the cream of the crop went to make it as recording artists, entertainers, studio musicians and composers.

I loved my years living, working and creating in Los Angeles. I moved to Utah because I was tired of the high prices, the stress and the traffic. I like it here. Secondly, the “studio” scene is really no more. Everyone has a studio in their homes as I do. I make music for the Super Bowl in my pajamas, with my two dogs lying next to me. It’s a different world. I don’t have to be in a music city to make it anymore.

Let’s say I want to take guitar lessons from you. How do I get in the door?

I love teaching. To study with me privately you need to work hard, promise to practice and so forth. I take all levels but have stopped teaching anyone under age 13. I have a waiting list and open it two or three times a year. Right now, I am teaching from January through March, and then that’s that for a while. I am proud that I offer some popular courses at GotoCyberSchool.com.

—ELIZABETH SUGGS comments@cityweekly.net

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DECEMBER 24, 2015 | 9

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10 | DECEMBER 24, 2015

STRAIGHT DOPE World Wealth

BY CECIL ADAMS

If you took all the wealth in the world and leveled it among all the people in the world, what would our standard of living be?

—Kathy Wilson

A

s it happens, Kathy, I’ve answered this very question once before: back in 1991, when the USSR was on the verge of collapse, and with it, seemingly, the dream of the socialist utopia you’re describing here. At the time, with a gross world product of about $21.8 trillion, I calculated a global per-capita income of $3,100—a number, I wrote, suggesting that “a more equitable distribution of resources wouldn’t beggar everybody.”

Fast-forward to 2015. The world is richer, but an equitable distribution of resources most certainly isn’t beggaring anybody; in fact, that kind of shakeup looks like an even more remote possibility now than it did a quarter-century ago. (But hey, let’s not count Bernie out just yet.) Before we get into the numbers, a caveat: From today’s vantage, an exact comparison is tricky because the units have shifted. I arrived at the 1991 figure by adding up all the world’s gross national products. Since then, though, gross domestic product has replaced GNP as the standard primary measure of economic health. So, admitting our comparison will be rough, what we come to is this: If we add up each country’s 2013 GDP, we get a gross world product of $75.5 trillion dollars. Divide that by the 2013 population, 7.2 billion, and we’re left with a per-capita world income of $10,500—a decent gain on 1991, even after you adjust for inflation.

Of course, this rising tide is hardly lifting all boats. The per-capita GDP of the 10 richest countries in the world in 2013 was $76,500, that of the 10 poorest a puny $433.

Leaving out the tiny principalities Monaco and Liechtenstein, Luxembourg has maintained the top spot now for two decades running, with Norway just behind it since 2000. (The U.S. typically clocks in around eighth or ninth, if you’re wondering.) The other end of the GDP rankings hasn’t been quite as consistent over the same period, with Burundi, Malawi and Ethiopia taking turns at the bottom.

So the numbers on inequality are stark.

But what if we take a broader view—globally, is inequality growing or not? Here things get more complex, and the question provokes a surprising amount of disagreement among economists. It seems that, aside from an income gap, there’s also an information gap: whereas tax returns in the U.S. and Europe provide rich (as it were) data for analysis, elsewhere researchers have to rely on surveys, which can return sketchier results—particularly with respect to where the wealthy have their money parked. So while some studies in recent years have indicated that global inequality is on the decline, a pair of IMF economists warned in 2014 that when you correct for the “missing rich,” as they’re

SLUG SIGNORINO

called, it actually “might not have gone down at all.” (One recent estimate put individual wealth kept in offshore tax havens at a gobsmacking $7.6 trillion.)

But countries don’t exist in a vacuum anymore, and further muddying the issue is globalization. This has been great for the booming middle classes of places like India and, especially, China, whose middle class is now the largest in the world. It’s been less great, of course, for the middle class in the U.S., where thus far the benefits of globalization have worked mainly to further enrich the 1 percent: imported Chinese goods have held down wages and employment (as documented in a 2013 paper from the National Bureau of Economic Research) while lifting the share prices of stocks held predominantly by the wealthy.

To hear the World Bank tell it, one of the more encouraging trends in terms of global income is that the proportion of people worldwide mired in extreme poverty—defined as living on $1.90 or less a day—will this year fall below 10 percent for the first time. Of course, that’s cold comfort to the 702 million who don’t make the cut; and critics suggest it’s cold comfort even to many of those who do—$1.91 a day ain’t exactly a walk in the park. As the author of a 2014 paper to this effect, Georgetown University economist Martin Ravallion, has put it, “The bulk of the developing world’s progress against poverty has been in reducing the number of people living close to the consumption floor, rather than raising the level of that floor.”

What Ravallion is talking about—and the substance of your inquiry, Kathy—is standard of living: a trickier metric than simple wealth. Some economists have urged that we focus less on dollar figures, for instance, and more on holistic measures of prosperity that take into account such factors as health, education and environmental sustainability. We could, for instance, enrich ourselves by burning the estimated $15 trillion in untapped coal, oil and gas extant in the world today, but it’s not exactly an ideal scenario—hell, we’re on that road already.n

Send questions to Cecil via StraightDope. com or write him c/o Chicago Reader, 350 N. Orleans, Chicago 60654.

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NEWS

T H E L AW

“We do not terminate any employee solely for exercising a right to complain through the courts or administrative processes ...”

—Missy Larsen, AG Office spokeswoman

Dog Eats Dog A state attorney walks a tight wire filing a lawsuit against his own agency.

T

he lawsuit against the Utah Attorney General’s Office is 18 pages of scandal: A paralegal allegedly engages in an inappropriate relationship with her boss, a highranking state attorney. Rather than being punished, the pair are promoted. An employee points out how state funding for the Attorney General’s Office is purportedly misused. Instead of the agency fixing the problem, the employee claims he is ridiculed and punished by management for knowing about it.

These claims are all outlined in a civil lawsuit filed July 13, 2015, by Assistant Attorney General R. Jason Hanks, who says that the Attorney General’s Office retaliated against him for being a whistleblower.

The Attorney General’s Office sought to have the case dismissed on grounds that Hanks’ whistleblower suit should be litigated within the Utah Antidiscrimination & Labor Division, not the courts. But in a hearing on Dec. 11, 3rd District Court Judge Paul B. Parker denied that motion. An audio recording from the hearing, as well as several filings in the case, have been sealed.

Missy Larsen, spokeswoman for the Attorney General’s office, says that due to pending litigation and the fact that the case deals with a current state employee, the office cannot comment on the details of the case. But Larsen noted that Hanks has filed formal complaints against the office in the past that failed to gain traction.

“We strongly disagree with Mr. Hanks’ allegations of any corruption or illegal behavior by the office,” says Larsen.

In 2007, Hanks levied a complaint with the state’s Career Service Review Board, accusing the AG’s Office of unfairly implementing a new pay structure created by the Legislature to bring the salaries of public attorneys to parity with their private counterparts.

Courtesy photo

BY COLBY FRAZIER cfrazier@cityweekly.net @colbyfrazierLP

In response to the complaint, thenAttorney General Mark Shurtleff said that because Hanks wouldn’t be unfairly compensated under the new pay structure until he was promoted, the complaint was not yet “ripe.” The board dismissed the claim.

A year later, Hanks, after failing to receive the promotion Shurtleff referenced in 2007, filed another complaint with the board alleging that his failure to win a promotion was retaliation for the earlier complaint. But this case, too, was dismissed.

That a state attorney who spends all day immersed in court and lawsuits could be litigious isn’t entirely surprising. But for a state attorney to sue his own agency creates a sensitive situation for the Attorney General’s Office. And, in the wake of the corruption scandals involving former Attorney General’s John Swallow and Mark Shurtleff, the office has been scrutinized by state auditors for its lack of protections for whistleblowing employees.

Striking a balance where employees feel safe to shine a light on corruption without fear of retaliation while simultaneously protecting the state’s interests is a challenge and one that is at play in Hanks’ suit.

“We do not terminate any employee solely for exercising a right to complain through the courts or administrative processes, even when claims have no merit,” Larsen says.

On Dec. 17, the same day City Weekly asked officials at the Attorney General’s Office to comment on the suit, Hanks was placed on paid administrative leave. Hanks declined to speak to City Weekly, citing an office policy forbidding state’s attorneys from speaking to the media.

Larsen declined to say why Hanks was placed on leave. But through court documents filed on Monday, it’s clear that Hanks did not take kindly to being sent home from his job.

According to the documents, Hanks was told by Chief Civil Deputy Bridget K. Romano that his allegations of “recurring and ongoing harassment and also a hostile work environment require investigation.” To preserve the integrity of the investigation, and to “shield” Hanks as the investigation unfolds, Romano contends that leave is appropriate.

In response, Hanks filed for a restraining order against the office. In court documents, Hanks alleges that the Attorney General’s Office “illegally suspended plaintiff’s employment rights without notice, without cause, and without a hearing and opportunity to be heard with the pretext of ‘protecting’ plaintiff involuntarily.”

Hanks also notes in his request for a restraining order that the Attorney General’s Office violated his constitutional rights by seizing his work computers and phones before he could remove private information.

Larsen says the office is preparing a response to the restraining order.

At the heart of the whistleblower suit is a claim by Hanks that the Attorney General’s Office arbitrarily and unfairly punished a separate veteran prosecutor for speaking against the promotion allegedly given to a pair of employees involved in an inappropriate relationship. The pair, the suit states, exchanged sexually charged emails through their state email accounts. Hanks’ lawsuit alleges a number of emails between the couple were leaked to an online news outlet by an insider in the Attorney General’s Office.

According to Hanks’ lawsuit, on March 17, 2014, in response to the leaked emails, officials from the Attorney General’s Office sent an office-wide email threatening termination to any

Courtesy Photo

Utah Attorney General Sean Reyes

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ness expressed by employees cited in the House Special Investigative Commission’s report.”

Larsen says that since Reyes has been in charge, the office has taken steps to accommodate more protections for whistleblowers.

The lawsuit provides a rare glimpse inside the state’s most powerful law enforcement agency that, since the days of Shurtleff and Swallow, has been mired in corruption scandals that have left the past two AGs facing felony charges. And it appears to be the first tangible case that could test the Attorney General’s Office’s claims that its attorneys are able to point out wrongdoing without fear of reprisals. According to an affidavit filed by Hanks, though, litigating the case (he is representing himself) just got a lot more complicated.

The suspension and seizure of work materials, Hanks says in the affidavit, not only damages his career, but is “nothing more than an abusive power play to deter me and prevent me from continuing with my lawsuits.” CW

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DECEMBER 24, 2015 | 13

employee who spoke to the media about the agency.

“This policy violates constitutionally protected free speech and violates public policy by preventing the public from knowing about corruption within the Utah Attorney General’s Office,” the suit states.

In the suit, Hanks outlines a series of disciplinary actions taken against him, including a reprimand for authoring a letter to Attorney General Sean Reyes about the “long and ongoing pattern of abusive, arbitrary, capricious, and adverse actions taken by management within the Attorney General’s Office that plaintiff has personally witnessed and received.”

The suit continues: “Reyes violated Utah Attorney General Policy and his public responsibility by not responding, not investigating, not protecting the email, and not taking action to resolve management’s violations of Utah law and Attorney General policy.”

Hanks’ lawsuit alleges that, within days of writing to Reyes, other managers began to “aggressively take adverse and retaliatory actions.” These actions continued, Hanks claims, culminating with a reprimand in February 2015.

The abusive patterns outlined in Hanks’ suit have persisted through October 2015.

The lawsuit highlights yet another concern: that Hanks complained to his superior, noting money appropriated by the Legislature for “child support enforcement” was being misused. Hanks claims his superior grew hostile, but an hour later, in another meeting, this official directed employees change the way funding was being allocated because the Internet Crimes Against Children unit, which Hanks was calling into question, “might get audited.”

The lawsuit shines light on ongoing issues in the office that, according to the Legislative Auditor, have not been addressed.

According to the June audit, the Attorney General’s Office lacks an anonymous reporting mechanism for employees to raise concerns, and the processes to investigate and raise ethical concerns are inadequate.

The report cites the “powerlessness” that AG employees claimed to feel when they witnessed wrongdoings during the Swallow and Shurtleff regimes and couldn’t raise red flags. “Overall, [the Attorney General’s Office] ethics and fraud reporting processes have significant flaws,” the audit says. “Those flaws may have perpetuated the feeling of powerless-

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14 |DECEMBER 24, 2015

CITIZEN REVOLT

THE

NUEVE

In a week, you can

change the world

THE LIST OF NINE

BY MASON RODRICKC @42bearcat

PARADE

This Christmas Eve, don’t just sit at home awaiting the coming of Christ—or your presents.

Snowbird promises a white Christmas like never before with its Christmas Eve Torchlight Parade & Fireworks. Join them at dusk on the Plaza Deck for bonfires, the Torchlight Parade and a great fireworks display. At the end, Santa Claus will rappel out of the tram to say hello to the kids. Snowbird Ski Resort, Little Cottonwood Canyon, Highway 210, free.

Snowbird.com

SLEIGH RIDE

They may not be reindeer, but they’re just as wild and interesting, minus the flying. Hardware Ranch Wildlife Management Area offers a unique opportunity to get up close to wild Rocky Mountain Elk on a horse-drawn sleigh. So go Visit the Elk while you can. State Highway 101, Hyrum, through Jan. 1, 10 a.m., tickets sold at the Visitors Center, $3-$5; under 3 free, Wildlife.Utah.gov/HarewareRanch

Nine more things Vladimir Putin likes about Donald Trump:

KNITTING

9. Trump’s cute smile when he says he could ‘totally kill’ someone.

8. That they share a

passion for bears, dead or alive.

7. When they wrestle, Trump still cries like a little boy.

Sick of Being Single?

6.

Trump thinks the Russian word for ‘turkey burger’ means ‘Brilliant.’

FROZEN ART

5.

They both have distinctive hairstyles. Or not.

4.

Trump loves Ma Putin’s borscht.

3. Putin’s thrilled Trump

shares his passion for furry Cossack hats.

2. They both spend

weeknights crank-calling Barack Obama.

1. Putin’s glad he found

someone like him, who men despise and women … uh, also despise.

Too late now to knit a scarf for the holidays. But how about a hat? Blazing Needles is offering Free Beginning Knitting, where you will learn to knit a hat. The class is free, all you have to do is purchase your materials, and you will be on your way to becoming a knitter. Open to all genders, ages and skill levels. 1365 S. 1100 East, Saturday, Dec. 26, 10:30 a.m., free, see Community Beat, p. 51. Blazing-Needles.com

FREE TO JOIN SEARCH BY LOCATION MAKE YOUR OWN VIDEOS WWW.CITYWEEKLYLOVELAND.COM

Meet Other Singles Today!

You can witness the amazing creation of ice castles during the eighth season of the Midway Ice Castles. With a team of up to 20 ice artists, Ryan Davis and ice artist Brent Christensen have fashioned towers, archways, tunnels and slides. It all started with an attempt to build a backyard ice cave. Davis and Christensen developed a way to freeze water layer-by-layer to create walls about 10 feet thick and castles weighing some 25 million pounds and taking about a month to construct. 2002 Soldier Hollow Road, Midway, 888-407-4054, Sunday, Dec. 27 through spring thaw, 3-9 p.m., Monday-Thursday; 3-11 p.m., Friday; noon-11 p.m., Saturday, $6-$12. IceCastles.com/Midway

WELLNESS TALK

You may need this after the holidays. Kristen Brown, functional medicine nurse practitioner and founder of Altheda Health, will give a Wellness Talk about stress, hormones, autoimmunity and how functional medicine can help you achieve optimal health. Office Evolution, 221 Historic 25th St., Ogden, Monday, Dec. 28, 12:30 p.m., free, seating limited. AlthedaHealth.com

-KATHARINE BIELE Send events to editor@cityweekly.net

The Science of Brewing...

1200 S State St. 801-531-8182 / beernut.com www.facebook.com/thebeernut

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Beer & Wine brewing supplies

Hours: Sun 10-5pm M-Sat 10am-6:30pm

An Episcopal Church

Christmas Eve Services

5:30 p.m. Family Service & Holy Eucharist 7:30 p.m. Holy Eucharist & Music 10:30 p.m. Caroling with Full Choir

Christmas Day

All are welcome regardless of denomination

231 East 100 South Downtown Salt Lake City

801-322-3400 stmarkscathedralut.org

DECEMBER 24, 2015 | 15

Service at 10:00 a.m.

Sunday Services 8:00 a.m. & 10:30 a.m.

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Celebrant - The Rt. Rev. Scott B. Hayashi, 11th Bishop of Utah Sermon - The Very Rev. Raymond J. Waldon, Dean of the Cathedral

11:00 p.m. Midnight Mass with Full Choir, Incense, Procession & Brass

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Cathedral Church of St. Mark

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16 |DECEMBER 24, 2015

S NEofW the

Are We Safe?

As if 2015 weren’t bad enough for the Department of Homeland Security (e.g., in June, internal DHS tests revealed that its Transportation Security Administration failed to stop 67 of 70 guns passing through airport screeners), a US congressman revealed in December that, based on a congressional staff investigation, 72 DHS employees currently appear on the FBI’s terrorist watch list. He admitted to Boston Public Radio that DHS’s record makes him squeamish about our ability to vet Syrian refugees. (Being on the FBI list is not a prohibited category for buying guns, either, and in fact, the Government Accountability Office reported that 91 percent of listees’ attempts to purchase guns in the last 10 years succeeded.)

WEIRD

Services include: · Substance Abuse Outpatient Services · Certified Prime for Life DUI Classes · Individual, Couples, and Family Therapy

1270 East 8600 South, Suite 3 Sandy, UT 84094 T: 801-676-9160 www.fireflyaddiction.com

Every Thursday for family members who need support and guidance on how to help their loved ones suffering from substance use disorders.

ALL THE NEWS THAT WON’T FIT IN PRINT

Long-long-long-read Interviews With Local Bands, Comedians, Artists, Podcasters, Fashionistas And Other Creators Of Cool Stuff. Only On Cityweekly.net!

CITYWEEKLY.NET/UNDERGROUND

The Continuing Crisis The vice president of human resources at The Washington Post issued a formal memo in December to reassure female employees in its sleek new office building that people in the seventh floor’s central “hub” could definitely not see up their skirts as they walked on the indoor eighth-floor balcony overhang, even through the clear glass floor. The memo cited HR’s “multiple” futile attempts, from many viewing angles, to see no-no’s and thus concluded that the ladies are safe. Nonetheless, the memo encouraged all employees, when in the seventh floor “hub,” not to look up.

Leading Economic Indicators Dr. Raymond Schinazi was a federal government employee when he led the team that discovered sofosbuvir, which completely cures hepatitis C patients with an 84-pill regimen, but, as he recently told CBS News, he only worked for the government “7/8th’s” of the time—and, conveniently, it was during the other 1/8th that he found sofosbuvir. He admits now that he made $400 million selling his sofosbuvir company in 2012 to Gilead Sciences, which famously set sofosbuvir’s price for 84 pills to $84,000. Now, the Department of Veterans Affairs, with 233,000 war vets with hep-C, tells Congress that it needs much more money, even though Gilead has “cut” the VA’s price in half (to $42,000 per treatment, or $9.66 billion). (In a 2013 medical journal, Dr. Schinazi revealed that sofosbuvir could be manufactured for about $17 a pill, or $1,400 for an entire treatment.) n Famously, of course, no central characters from big banks went to jail for crashing the economy and causing thousands to lose their homes and jobs, but the U.S. Justice Department and Securities and Exchange Commission seem rather proud that at least they pressured several banks to pay the government billions of dollars in civilcase settlements. However, the activist group US PIRG revealed in December that of the 10 largest such federal settlements, where banks and corporations paid a total of $80 billion, more than half

BY CHUCK SHEPHERD was characterized as tax-deductible. (In addition, of course, all of the $80 billion was ultimately paid by the banks’ and corporations’ stockholders rather than by wrongdoing employees.)

Questionable Judgments “It may be the most confusing traffic light you’ve ever seen,” wrote The Boston Globe in December, describing a pedestrian crossing in Cambridge, Mass. If the three clusters of three lights each are dark, drivers proceed. If a pedestrian comes along, one light will blink yellow, then solid yellow, then two solid yellows, then two reds, until two flashing red lights in each cluster appear—and in Cambridge (and only Cambridge!), flashing red lights mean … go (unless pedestrians are actually present). The city has prepared a 12-diagram pamphlet to explain the whole thing, and officials say they have statistical proof from tests that the system enhances safety.

n It was Nick Silvestri, 19, of Seaford, Long Island, who, seated in the orchestra section of the Broadway comedy “Hand to God” on July 2, left his seat to plug his iPhone into an “electrical outlet” on the stage set. Actors, patrons and management went nuts, but Silvestri ultimately was allowed to stay, and the show resumed.

The set designer Beowulf Boritt said later he was proud that he had created a stage set so realistic that the electrical outlet (which of course was attached to nothing) looked so authentic.

Cliche Come to Life The Angelina County Sheriff’s Office (Lufkin, Texas) reported responding to a 911 call about shots fired at a home on Nov. 8, but made no arrest. The male resident was sitting in his pickup, admittedly drunk, and having listened to a “sad song” on his favorite station, he of course pulled his .22-caliber pistol and shot the radio. According to the report, “Suspect’s wife took possession of the handgun and suspect.”

Ironies Sweet: 1. As deputy leader of Scotland’s South Lanarkshire Council, Jackie Burns was instrumental in the budgetary closing of all 24 public toilets in the area. In November, Burns was fined (the equivalent of about $60) after he, out on the town, could hold it in no longer and urinated in the street. 2. Hector Segura, 29, in town for a Washington, D.C., conference on drug policy reform (with most attendees certain that the “war on drugs” has failed) was found by police naked in a flower bed in a neighborhood near his hotel in Arlington, Va., with (according to police) “bath salts” the culprit. It required two Taser shots to subdue him as he pounded on a squad car.

Thanks This Week to Charles Zipperlen and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.

By Stephen Dark sdark@cityweekly.net @stephenpdark

Frowned upon by the FLDS Church, Christmas makes a comeback on the Utah-Arizona border.

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DECEMBER 24, 2015 | 17

eorge and Miriam Jessop didn’t celebrate Christmas growing up in Colorado City, Ariz. As members of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (FLDS), they had been raised to believe Jesus Christ was born on April 6, so instead of observing the traditional Christmas holiday, they celebrated only New Year’s Eve. But it wasn’t that they didn’t want to celebrate Christmas, Miriam says. “I’ve always loved the lights and the Christmas music, and I’ve always listened to it.” But she knew lights were frowned upon, and she never listened to Christmas music when someone else might hear because she never knew who would report her to church leadership.

In February 2012, the couple left the FLDS Church with their 12 children. They weren’t the only ones who left the church. Embattled by endless criminal and civil court cases, and after a decade of worldwide negative publicity—much of it focused on the arrest, prosecution and conviction of prophet Warren Jeffs for child rape— the FLDS Church’s membership is dropping off. Former members allege the FLDS Church has pursued ever more punitive measures of control against its members.

“We decided we’d rather go to hell and be happy together,” Miriam says, than become the latest victims of an ongoing drive by their faith’s leadership to exile husbands and reassign women and

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Christmas?

City, Ariz., have long been called by residents—and there’s little sign of Christmas cheer. The only evidence of the season, in fact, are lights that decorate a recently opened hardware store, the local community college and, scattered sporadically, the homes of former FLDS Church members.

The history of Christmas in Short Creek reflects the evolution of the long troubled and pilloried FLDS Church.

The origins of the FLDS Church stem from the desire of polygamists in the late 1800s to continue living “the principle” of plural families in accordance with the practice and teachings of the LDS Church’s founder, Joseph Smith, rather than follow the LDS Church, which abandoned polygamy in 1890, when church President Wilford Woodruff issued Official Declaration 1, aka “the Mormon manifesto,” a proclamation instructing church members to obey anti-polygamy laws.

In the 1930s, polygamists settled in Hildale and Colorado City. The isolated rural location provided shelter from federal and state law enforcement seeking to prosecute polygamists for bigamy. The group established the United Effort Plan Trust to hold the land it acquired, in order to shield their homes from being seized by state or federal governments.

In the early years, members of the impoverished community, what was then called “The Work,” turned to singing and exchanging homemade gifts to celebrate the winter season.

While some regarded Christmas as a pagan tradition, church followers honored April 6 as Christ’s birthday.

Some celebrated only New Year’s Eve, but others—including one of the first leaders, John Y. Barlow (according to his son, Alvin)—actually did celebrate the Yuletide. In other words, according to interviews with multiple former church members in Short Creek; St. George, Utah; and Las Vegas, Nev., in the first decades of The Work, there seemed to be sufficient freedom within the polygamous communities to celebrate Yuletide, or not, depending on people’s preference.

But after the Hildale/Colorado City community shifted in the early 1980s from a seven-man-council leadership to a one-man prophet rule, everything considered frivolous was banned.

Prophet Warren Jeffs, faced with a lawsuit by a group of ex-FLDS male

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

But Do They Know it's

children to other men.

While the Jessops have been out of the FLDS Church for almost four years, the couple has remained in Colorado City. “We were alone,” George says.

“We had nobody we could connect to.

We tried to move away, but every time we tried, it financially crushed us. Our family was too big, our credit score too low.”

That first Christmas of flying solo, free of the FLDS Church, the Jessops chose not to celebrate Christmas. “We were still sorting out, not knowing what we wanted to [teach] our children now that we had left traditions that we no longer agreed with,” Miriam says.

By December 2013, however, George decided to defy his former church. He put up a Christmas tree.

In a town where Christmas has long been taboo, having a Christmas tree in your window and lights decorating your porch can mean far more than simply demonstrating festive good will. In the church, “Christmas lights are frowned upon,” says former FLDS Church member and Colorado City resident Arnold Richter, whose own home at night resembles a brightly lit gingerbread house. “It’s a sign you’re buying into the complete commercialism of the Christmas ideas.

If you had lights set up, you weren’t loyal to the church there.” Such was the antipathy toward Christmas lights, that some of the more zealous parents invoked a divine punishment straight out of the Old Testament: Namely, that people could be turned to pillars of salt just for looking upon them, he says.

The Christmas tree “is my signature for freedom,” George Jessop says. At least one person rejoiced at the tree’s appearance. For 18 years, the Jessops had a non-FLDS neighbor who kept to himself. When the tree went up, he knocked on their door and held out a bottle of Champagne. (While the FLDS Church shares historical roots with The Church of Jesus Christ of LatterDay Saints, it does not prohibit alcohol consumption among its members as the modern Mormon church does.) “I’ve come to share your freedom with you,” the neighbor told them.

In nearby towns such as Beaver and Hurricane, “Merry Christmas” banners hang across Main Street, while decorations festoon windows. But drive the streets and orange-sand pathways of Short Creek—as the adjacent border towns of Hildale, Utah, and Colorado

Connell Bateman, a pioneer of Christmas cheer, sets up his lights for 2015 .

As the sun sets on Colorado City, a few houses mark the season with holiday lights.

Stephen Dark

18 | DECEMBER 24, 2015

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Stephen Dark

Stephen Dark

George and Miriam Jessop displaying their Christmas tree.

youths who alleged they had been systematically expelled from the community, did nothing to protect the UEP trust, and the state stepped in to administer it. Jeffrey Shields with the Utah Attorney General’s Office represents the state’s interests in the trust. He notes that recently retired 3rd District Court Judge Denise Lindberg approved the distribution of 75 properties out of a total of 250 UEP trust homes in Hildale, most of which were returned to ex-FLDS members who had been kicked out of the church. The trust also has 500 homes in Colorado City. While FLDS Church members can take possession of properties if they apply to the trust and pay outstanding property taxes, the FLDS Church has ordered its followers to have no dealings with the trust, Shields says.

The ultimate goal, Shields says, is “to distribute all of these houses out to the people who deserve them most.”

What’s more, Shields says, “Now, people don’t have the fear of being evicted from their houses by a fanatic Warren Jeffs,”—a factor that might explain the community’s emerging interest in Christmas. With Jeffs serving a life sentence in a Texas prison, the ghosts of Christmas past have given way to the first faltering steps of a resurgent Christmas culture—whether it’s people who have recently left the FLDS Church who are experimenting with Christmas for the first time or returning ex-members celebrating the holiday unhindered.

Still, openly celebrating Christmas in Short Creek remains a contentious act, and some have found Christmas displays have been vandalized. One exFLDS woman recently found her tree lights were cut, while another apostate, as ex-members are termed by the FLDS faithful, had his lights stolen. Fliers put up around town for what was billed as “the first Christmas party” on Dec. 16, 2015, were repeatedly torn down, an organizer says. Not only is there resistance to the holiday spirit—there’s also a lack of familiarity among those who want to observe the traditions.

Some families who’ve recently left the church want to hold their first Christmas, but don’t know how, so they ask outsiders or turn to the Internet—a technological innovation loathed by Warren Jeffs, who dubbed the web, “the devil’s looking glass.”

The FLDS Church does not have a spokesperson and its followers are under orders not to talk to outsiders, former members say. A City Weekly reporter sought comment on the towns’ Christmas plans from city offices—two highly secure buildings with mirrored windows—which were staffed by women in traditional FLDS dresses, coiffed with “wet wave” hairstyles.

Colorado City’s city manager did not respond to an interview request. An unnamed male official at the Hildale office said that the city does not have a budget for Christmas decorations: “We leave the public to do what they want,” he said.

But for those who put up lights on their homes—a reporter counted a dozen brightly lit homes one early December night—there’s an unspoken reward that Arnold Richter identifies.

“To me, putting up Christmas lights, it’s a time that is cold, the trees are barren of leaves, there’s little natural beauty left. The days are short and the nights are long, and the lights are something that brings beauty back,” he says.

Richter says some community members have told him that when they were still

in a religion that deemed competition and entertainment subversive, driving by his house and seeing his lights brought them “a small amount of joy.”

Tumbleweed

The roots of the FLDS’ resistance to celebrating Christmas may lie in the founding of the LDS Church itself.

Mormon historian, professor and author Patrick Q. Mason says that Mormons “would generally acknowledge and believe that Dec. 25 is not Jesus’ birthday.” In Chapter 20, Verse 1, of the LDS Church Doctrine & Covenants, Christ’s birthdate is identified as April 6, the same date as the founding of the LDS Church 1,830 years later.

In a 1997 Christmas devotional, late LDS prophet and president Gordon B. Hinckley said, “While we now know through revelation the time of the Savior’s birth (April 6), we observe the 25th of December with the rest of the Christian world.”

Ironically, the Mormon fundamentalists at Short Creek did celebrate Christmas in the first decades after polygamists settled there in 1935.

John Y. Barlow was one of the founding figures of what was then called the Priesthood Work, or The Work. His 77-year-old son, Alvin S. Barlow Sr., provided a written statement to City Weekly about his recollections of Christmas as a child. When he was growing up in Short Creek, a windmill pumped water from a culinary well, there were no telephones and the only light came from gas or coal oil lamps.

Barlow recalls that in December 1949, his father was gravely ill in Salt Lake City. In Short Creek, he and his extended

“To me, putting up Christmas lights, it’s a time that is cold, the trees are barren of leaves, there’s little natural beauty left. The days are short and the nights are long, and the lights are something that brings beauty back.”

—Colorado City resident Arnold Richter

Courtesty of Sally Cox

Courtesty of Sally Cox

“One Big Happy Family”

Stephen Dark

Stephen Dark

Many of those interviewed said the 1960s were the golden years of Colorado City. But by the 1970s, former FLDS members say, a division emerged as one group pushed for the council to be replaced by one-man prophet rule. Council members were also trustees of the United Effort Plan Trust, which held ownership over all the properties where members of The Work lived.

In the face of the looming shadows of discord over The Work’s future, in 1977, the late Don Cox decided to put on Strings ’n’ Things, a three-hour Christmas extravaganza.

According to Cox’s second wife, Katie, he had always celebrated Christmas with gusto in Salt Lake City, where he lived with his two wives and nine children. His passion for music defined the plural family’s holiday experience, whether he

| CITY WEEKLY |

Katie Cox in the garden of the home her late husband, Don, built for his plural family .

Don Cox’s passion for Christmas led him to produce a 1977 musical extravaganza.

DECEMBER 24, 2015 | 19

Despite the preference for celebrating on New Year’s Eve, several leaders nevertheless quietly observed the Yuletide holiday. Among those who were said to have both had trees and lights were “Uncle” LeRoy Johnson and “Uncle” Fred Jessop [uncle being a term of respect and affection reserved for the priesthood leaders]. Johnson held the highest position in The Work until his death in 1986 and was known as “God’s mouthpiece on Earth,” recall former members. Jessop, who died in 2005, was the man Johnson appointed to manage the community. As the community’s “bishop,” Jessop ran the storehouse and was responsible for building up the community coffers. Some members, noting their leaders’ festive proclivities, followed suit with their own trees, even if the practice was frowned upon publicly.

Another way that Christmas entered the unpaved streets of Short Creek was through a non-FLDS neighbor’s celebration. Connell Bateman is one of Short Creek’s most passionate

Christmas fans, a commitment the 69-year-old traces back to when he was 6 years old and, when, for one winter season, he milked the family cow at a nearby barn. On the way home, he’d pass the home of Homer Phelps, a local landowner who would later join the FLDS. Bateman recalls that Phelps would put up Christmas lights and play seasonal songs on a phonograph. “He could see people needed something, needed some joy,” Bateman says. Sixyear-old Bateman would sit behind a tree near Phelps’ home in the freezing cold, night after night, so he could listen to Bing Crosby and Nat King Cole croon Christmas standards.

Those winter nights had an impact on Bateman who, 60 years later, recalls, with deep anguish, his brain-injured father routinely abusing him, kicking him with sharp-toed cowboy boots. The lights and the music emanating from Phelps’ house “gave me the will to live,” he says. “I felt the joy. I went home and told my mother one day, ‘When I get big and have my house, I’m going to light it up.’”

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Lighting Up the House

Performances at the 1977 Strings ’n’ Things show in Colorado City.

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family of mothers and children “had a beautiful tree with homemade decorations and presents around the base.” Family members drew names of those to prepare a present for. “No one was without,” he writes.

Then 11-year-old Barlow woke up with his siblings to find not only stockings with an apple and an orange, but also a red wagon full of presents with a note, “To all the children, from Daddy.” Several days later, a man traveled the rutted winter road from Hurricane to tell them John Y. Barlow had died on Dec. 29. “From that time on, we moved our gift-giving to New Year’s and increased our focus on our Lord and Savior to April 6,” Barlow writes.

Seth Cooke grew up in Hildale, near the redrock mountains that cradle the community.

He recalls pulling a name from the hat at the beginning of the year, so he had a little more than 11 months to decide upon a New Year’s Eve present. He and his siblings made dolls, cribs, furniture and hope chests, “some of them as nice looking as anything I’ve ever seen,” he says.

New Year’s Eve presents were handmade, he says, because the leaders of The Work “didn’t want people spending their money on Christmas.

They wanted you to give it to them. Tithing was the bare minimum you could do.”

An additional benefit for the frugally minded polygamist of New Year’s Eve celebrations was that items such as wrapping paper, toys and Christmas merchandise were on clearance.

For some, though, growing up in Mormon fundamentalism without Christmas, particularly if you lived on the Wasatch front, was problematic. Former polygamist and longtime Short Creek resident Katie Cox recalls hearing about Christmas while attending public school in Farmington as a child growing up in a fundamentalist family. “Kids go to school, and they talk. We’re supposed to be Christians, and yet we couldn’t have Christmas.” When she was 10 years old, she wanted a tree so badly. “I got a huge tumbleweed, sprayed it pink and put glitter on it, and used it as a tree,” she says.

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20 | DECEMBER 24, 2015

was playing festive songs by ear on the piano, or recorded carols on a record player.

“When we moved down here, [the community] was one big, happy family,” Katie recalls.

“Everybody waved to each other; they were friendly.”

Don Cox had been encouraged by one of the council members to live in Short Creek because they needed an electrician. But Don and his plural family’s arrival in the Creek put him in conflict with Fred Jessop, who not only had his own protégé electrician working in the town, but also ran the local musical and theatrical productions.

In 1977, Don “decided he wanted to do a Christmas party for the community,” Cora Fischer recalls. Fischer was the first person evicted from her home by the church’s leadership. She recently returned to take possession of her former home. Don did not seek permission from the priesthood council to put on the show, she says. Fischer volunteered to paint a backdrop of pine trees and frosted mountains with blue sky and nailed pine branches to the frame. Don put a fake-snow machine on top of the stage.

Any concerns about a backlash were pushed aside. “Don felt there was enough people who loved music that would support him in it,” Katie says. While there was growing unrest as people sided either with the pro-council group or the one-man rule group, Don drew “people from both sides together to put on this production,” she recalls.

Don pulled together a polished country and Christmas talent show around his large, musically talented family, his first wife playing the drums, his second wife (Katie) playing the vibraphone and the marimba, and Don and his sons on guitar. Many members of the community joined the Cox family in singing various numbers onstage. Don introduced each of the songs perched on a barstool, sporting a different, tailor-made shirt for each night.

The songs ranged from Christmas classics (“Christmas Can’t Be Far Away,” “Jingle Bell Rock,” “Silent Night”) through romantic ballads (“Strangers in the Night,” “Are You Lonesome

The image of former FLDS bishop “Uncle” Fred Jessop smiles benevolently upon a donated Christmas tree in a Hildale home.

Tonight?”) to period hits (Nana Mouskouri’s “A Place in My Heart”).

Katie Cox provided City Weekly with an audio recording of the 1977 concert, which was popular with Short Creekers who returned every night to join standing-room-only audiences.

Unlike later shows put on during the Rulon Jeffs administration that included lengthy references to Mormon scripture, rarely does the fundamentalist setting intrude—except perhaps in an a cappella version by three young men from the community of “I Believe,” their performance shimmering with conviction. “Well, I think that’s a pretty good philosophy,” Don told the audience about the song’s lyrics. “How about you?”

The three-night show remains for many a highlight of their time in the community. “The town’s reaction was just shock,” says Seth Cooke.

“It was beautiful, something I’d never heard of.”

Cooke believes Don “was just trying to instill something besides work and drudgery in the group. To him it was happy, good times. That was my take on it.”

Don “was making a stand for Christmas and a stand for music,” daughter Trudie says. “It’s something that everybody remembers, it was so huge, we never had anything like that here,” before or after.

But in the days after the show, the displeasure of the leadership “filtered down in ugly rumors,” Katie says. “The music was too loud. Uncle Fred didn’t like it.”

The next Sunday, at the priesthood meeting, the leaders told the men not to repeat the show. “Everybody got chastised for it,” Seth Cooke says. “They said it wasn’t done under the direction of the priesthood and not to do it.”

Fred Jessop took a particular dislike to Don playing the guitar in the show. “The best pitch for the guitar is out the window,” several exmembers remember him writing in the Twin Towns Courier, the local paper.

As the tensions over which direction The Work should go erupted into a power struggle in the early 1980s, it drove a wedge between Don and many of his friends in the community. People who had performed in his extravaganza turned

Stephen Dark

Stephen Dark

At daytime in early December, there’s little sign of seasonal celebration in Short Creek.

away from him. “He felt betrayed,” Katie says, and he bitterly regretted bringing his family down to a community that did not live up to its claims of equality: “This place was not what it was portrayed to be.”

Defending the

Lights

On Nov. 5, 1986, following the death of leader LeRoy Johnson, Rulon Jeffs took over control of The Work. Rulon Jeffs sent out letters to everyone living in a UEP Trust home in Hildale and Colorado City that they could be removed at any time.

A 21-strong group of Short Creekers, including Cora Fischer, Don Cox, Connell Bateman and Seth Cooke, sued the trust in 1987 petitioning a federal court to “determine their rights in the property,” according to a 1996 Utah Supreme Court ruling that found the plaintiffs should be allowed “to remain on their land for their lifetimes.”

While social events under the Rulon Jeffs administration became ever more somber, some tried to keep the spirit of Christmas alive, even if it wasn’t named as such. One such devotee was Kathy Jessop, whose daughter—ex-FLDS member and St. George resident Shirlee Draper—recalls as “really outspoken, intelligent: one of those wild women who wouldn’t buckle under to do what she was told.” Kathy Jessop built a reputation for performing music, teaching and giving singing lessons. She listened to the radio—something highly unusual in the community, Draper says— and enjoyed everything from opera and rock to Dave Brubeck and Meat Loaf.

After Kathy Jessop put on what she called “winter programs” for the community, which included a few Christmas songs, she was asked to take her choir to St. George to sing to patients in care facilities. For the next five or six years, Draper says, her mother would take her choir caroling around Short Creek. “We’d drive around town in these caravans, people would hop in and join us.” While some residents would not allow them in to their houses, Fred Jessop would usher them into his home and serve them hot chocolate. “There was no tree or presents,” Draper says with a smile, but as far as her

A Hollowness Inside

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DECEMBER 24, 2015 | 21

Some women who have left the FLDS Church are intent on helping families as they leave their former faith. One of them is a former City Weekly cover subject, Margaret Cooke, who, over the years, has collected a number of Christmas trees, donated by family and friends. One early December 2015 afternoon in Colorado City, she delivered a pre-lit tree as a surprise gift for a mother and her eight children. Photos of Fred Jessop and LeRoy Johnson adorn one wall of the mother’s home, symbols, for

Life in Short Creek has “improved a lot,” says Katie Cox. “Since Utah took over control of the UEP Trust, people are able to worship and believe how they choose without fear of eviction.”

The Batemans got back their house in 2014 through the state-controlled UEP Trust 14 years after hostility from the FLDS led them to move to Las Vegas. There, they have a home that is given over to Christmas with a seasonal toy train and decorations year round.

This year, the Batemans put their lights back up, only for someone to steal a string of lights running along Bateman’s front picket fence the same night he turned them on. “Somebody has got it hanging on their wall as a trophy,” Connell says. “I’m going to move it inside the fence.”

Vandalizing lights is something that former FLDS member and security chief Ron Rohbock experienced after his lights were taken down and dumped in his driveway. Rohbock was also charged with disorderly conduct by pro-FLDS local police because he was playing Christmas music on his external sound system. The Creek doesn’t have a noise ordinance, but after his ticket was pleaded down from a class C misdemeanor to a parking ticket, Rohbock paid it.

The Bateman’s are unfazed by such harassment.

Years ago, Connell says, he realized something: “I am a simple man, but I can light up the world.”

Others also seek to bring Christmas to Hildale and Colorado City, including Christine Marie Katas, an advocate who helps people leaving polygamy build new lives. The Las Vegas puppeteer’s stage name is Mrs. Gingerbread, and on Dec. 16, 2015, with the help

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O, Christmas Tree

Light Up the World

of local and out-of-state nonprofits and churches, she organized the first Christmas party for the community that anyone can remember. She says over 1,000 women and mostly children, many in FLDS dresses, attended. She and other volunteers had to repeatedly educate the children and their mothers, and even the former FLDS man who volunteered to be Santa Claus, what the traditions of gift giving involved. In a second private event the same day, attended by 42 local women, all “refugees,” Katas says, from the FLDS, one attendee held up a gift and said, “I’m 37 years old, and this is my very first wrapped Christmas present.”

Katas says ex-FLDS members repeatedly stressed that, for them, the party revealed something that their former church had told them never to do, namely to trust outsiders and understand that people beyond Short Creek can and do care about them.

Celebrating Christmas in the Creek is ultimately not only about giving, but also freedom of choice and sharing. Out of the FLDS Church for nearly four years, George Jessop says he’s “not obligated to shun and hate anybody,” a requirement within the church that he found a heavy weight. “The greatest freedom that I have and the greatest freedom I feel is the power within myself to express friendship and kindness to others.”

Three years on from their first Christmas, Miriam Jessop says their tree has evolved into a symbol of invitation. “Now it’s more like I want people to look in that window and wish they were in here and want to be a part of whatever is going on in that house because it looks so bright and inviting. That’s the feeling I would get from a home with a light inside.”

“It’s all about freedom,” George Jessop says. “That’s my expression, what I’m saying with that tree. I’m free to do as I damned please.” CW Visit CityWeekly.net to hear music from Strings ’n’ Things.

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After Rulon Jeffs had a stroke, his son Warren took over. The few celebrations that were left, such as fourth of July, Harvest and birthdays, were banned.

“In Warren’s day, they told us to treat birthdays as nonexistent, to use money to build up the kingdom,” says one man who recently left the FLDS. That included the prophets’ birthdays—be it Warren’s on Dec. 3, Rulon’s on Dec. 6 or Joseph Smith’s on Dec. 23. “Warren wanted us to fast on those days. It was all just a hocus-pocus lie,” he concludes bitterly.

In 2000, after Warren Jeffs told the community to pull their children out of school, Shirlee Draper recalls leaning forward in church “and looking around, seeing all these pious faces, and then I looked at the side doors. ‘This is where they’re going to trot in the Kool-Aid,’” she recalls thinking.

“It’s time to drink this and die.”

Draper left with her children in 2003 and celebrated her first Christmas a year later in St. George. “I went all out, I spent $1,000 on each of my kids, got two trees 15 feet tall.” Trees and a multitude of presents were “how I imagined Christmas is supposed to be.”

But after her children opened up the gifts, she recalls thinking, “‘This is pretty damned hollow.’ To me, I was creating this consumerism in them—that it was all about ‘stuff.’ It felt really empty.” The following year, she had her children draw a sibling’s name and encouraged them to think about giving.

some, of a better time at the Creek. Such portraits stand in marked contrast to the houses of FLDS Church members where pictures of Warren Jeffs are prominent, say recent ex-members. “This community’s Christmas tree is Warren Jeffs,” says one former member.

The mother arrives with six children, the oldest in her early 20s. The children at first stand a little away from the tree, as if uncertain of what to do. A 16-yearold girl with a long single braid of blond hair down her back says Christmas “means giving and sharing.”

Then she adds, “The tree’s really cute, though.”

The mother has been out of the FLDS Church for four years, but until now, she says, was “kind of scared” to celebrate the holiday. “For one thing, we don’t know how.” Her 12-year-old points to a large box of ornaments. “Are those to hang?” she asks. The 16-year-old points to the top of the tree. “So what goes right here?” Cooke says she can put a star, a bow, a snowflake or an angel.

The mother compiles a present list at Cooke’s request. Each child requests one item, “arts and crafts, cowboy stuff, boots, hats,” the mother says.

The 16-year-old asks for makeup. “I always look so pale I could fake sick,” she says with a laugh.

She shows Cooke a photograph of herself standing beside Santa Claus at the Colorado City-based Mohave Community College. “I didn’t dare sit on his lap because, you know,” she says, drawing out the last word with a roll of her eyes intimating there were lascivious Santas, an expression that has the adults dissolving into laughter. She looks at the tree as her sister puts on ornaments. “It’s so dang cute,” she says.

Tolga Katas

mother was concerned, “by God, there’ll be music.”

If Don Cox and Kathy Jessop led the fight for Christmas through music, Connell Bateman was the defender of Christmas lights. Much like Strings ’n’ Things, driving by the Bateman’s house in the 1990s burns brightly in people’s memories.

Seth Cooke recalls that “everybody loved their lights, they just weren’t supposed to. You’d see cars drive by one after the other, parents taking their kids.”

Bateman recalls emulating Phelps and playing Christmas music as cars rolled by his brightly lit home. He’d sit by a tree in his garden, watching the smiles of people he’d grown up with and called family friends, but who shunned him as an apostate after he joined the UEP Trust lawsuit. He’d wipe away tears as children would roll down their parents’ car windows and crane their heads out so they could hear.

The Batemans didn’t see themselves as rebels.

“It was the pure feeling of Christmas, the warmth,” wife Trudie says in the living room of their reclaimed home, a Christmas tree by the window, a Yule log burning on the flat-screen TV. Connell adds he wanted others to experience what he had felt with Phelps’ generosity as a child. “That’s not rebellion, that’s love.”

Christine Marie Katas, aka Mrs. Gingerbread, and Santa throwing the first Christmas party in Short Creek.

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ESSENTIALS

the

ENTERTAINMENT PICKS DEC. 24-30, 2015

Complete Listings Online @ CityWeekly.net

THURSDAY 12.24

MONDAY 12.28

TUESDAY 12.29

TUESDAY 12.29

Got last-minute Christmas shopping to do for an art lover or two on your list? Local gallery God Hates Robots’ holiday show is open right up till the day before, with art you can purchase, take right off the wall and hang up at home or wrap up and slip under the tree.

A seasonal exhibit titled Holiday Shit Show— what else would you expect from a gallery named God Hates Robots? Seriously, gallery owner Shon Taylor started the gallery earlier this year as a project that would give exposure to up-and-coming and favorite local artists of a progressive bent, with low commissions and reasonable pricing, and it’s been a welcome addition to the local art scene.

Artists on display include: Brad Barker, with his comic-inspired paintings; Fletcher Booth’s work inspired by biker culture (“Modern Man” is pictured above); the hip design work of Travis Bone; Trent Call’s paintings that are all over the artistic map; Meg Charlier’s provocative images; calligraphy artist Skyler Chubak; the pop surrealism of Wes Greaves; prints and posters by James Joel Holmes; Jason Jones, who had a solo show last month; the tattoo art-influenced work of Gailon Justus; and Tessa Lindsay’s textual artworks. It’s a plethora of challenging styles in a gallery that offers a little obscure, left-field niche. Stop in and have a laugh at some art that doesn’t take itself too seriously. (Brian Staker) Holiday Shit Show @ God Hates Robots, 314 W. 300 South, No. 250, 801-596-3370, through Dec. 24, Christmas Eve, 11 a.m.-2 p.m.

GodHatesRobots.com

If you’re going to see Los Angeles-based performance group Diavolo’s Architecture in Motion, prepare for an experience that goes beyond dance. Aptly described as Cirque Du Soleil on steroids, Diavolo—a name derived from a portmanteau of the Spanish word for “day” and the Latin for “I fly”—takes movement into a realm where interactive set pieces fold and unfold, tip and rock as dancers move across surfaces in a blend of ballet, modern dance, gymnastics, martial arts and sometimes plain old everyday movement.

Trajectoire (1999) is the company’s signature piece, addressing the ebb and flow of emotion and the human experience. Performed atop a massive, boatlike structure that rocks under the shifting weight of bodies, it shows dancers straining to remain on board or launch into space.

The choreography and set for Transit Space (2012, pictured) was influenced and inspired by Dogtown and Z-Boys, a documentary about the young skaters who started the trend of half-pipe riding. The work explores the reaction of humans to their urban environment, and places the dancers in a playful set full of ramps and chutes.

As with most contemporary dance, Diavolo’s works are physical feats without narrative that attempt to express deeper human emotions and experiences: chaos, freedom, fear and love. “A piece by Diavolo is like a live abstract painting,” says founder/artistic director Jacques Heim. The audience, he says, should treat the performance as an art gallery full of interesting visuals and stimulating ideas. (Katherine Pioli) Diavolo: Architecture in Motion @ Eccles Center, 1750 Kearns Blvd., Park City, 435-655-3114, Dec. 28 & 29, 7:30 p.m., $25-$75. EcclesCenter.org

Five-thousand years of Chinese history and culture will be on display in a single performance when Shen Yun visits the Capitol Theatre for an evening performance on Tuesday, Dec. 29, and two performances on Wednesday, Dec. 30. Utah is just one stop in the troupe’s five-continent, 30-country tour.

Using music, dance and animated backdrops, Shen Yun explores heavenly realms, ancient legends and heroic tales. Classically trained dancers work in concert with an orchestra that provides a unique blend of Eastern and Western music.

Beyond the arts, going to see Shen Yun might also be defined as a political act. Shen Yun was established by practitioners of Falun Dafa, aka Falun Gong, a meditation-centered, spiritual discipline. Shen Yun, a nonprofit based in New York City and formed in 2006, has focused on reestablishing the connection between art and spirituality, and reviving a culture that the creators and performers feel has been lost in Communist China. The group claims it has been the target of harassment and persecution from the Chinese Communist Party.

Whatever your politics, an evening with Shen Yun features classical dance from a variety of Chinese ethnic and folk traditions, set to stories featuring everything from magic monkeys and ogres to Buddhist monks. The dancers are accompanied by a full Western orchestra augmented by traditional Chinese instruments.

(Geoff Griffin) Shen Yun @ Capitol Theatre, 50 W. 200 South, 801-355-2787, Dec. 29, 7:30 p.m.; Dec. 30, 2 p.m. & 7:30 p.m., $60-$159.50.

ArtSaltLake.org

Don’t be afraid of the cold: According to Nick Como of Downtown Alliance, fully 90 percent of EVE SLC WinterFest events over the course of the three-day festival occur indoors. These include many popular activities that have become favorites, such as classic silent short films at Broadway Centre Cinemas; exhibits at The Leonardo, Discovery Gateway and Clark Planetarium; and fun at the Salt Palace with live music stages and a BounceTown inflatable play area. This year, guests with wristbands will be permitted one admission to each participating venue, as well as unlimited access to activities at the Salt Palace and City Creek Center.

EVE SLC has also simplified the process for guests who want to take advantage of every last perk that comes with that three-day wristband: The first 1,000 guests who arrive in person at 6 p.m., Dec. 29 at the Salt Palace box office will receive one admission to the Dec. 31 Utah Jazz vs.

Portland TrailBlazers game. (Note: That’s the Salt Palace box office, not Vivint Smart Home Arena.)

The most interesting new change leading up to the big show on the Countdown Stage Dec. 31 might be the game room at the Salt Palace, where giant representations of games like Jenga, Connect Four and Minecraft will give those familiar pastimes a supersize twist. Like most EVE SLC activities, it’s something that offers—if you’ll forgive the cliché—fun for all ages. You’ll want to be there when that mirror ball drops.

(Scott Renshaw) EVE SLC @ Various downtown venues, Dec. 29-31, 3-day pass $20 adult/$15 child; single-day ticket $15 adult/$5 child.

EVESLC.com

God Hates Robots: Holiday Shit Show

Diavolo: Architecture in Motion

Shen Yun

EVE SLC WinterFest

Artistry in Flowers

Complete remodel done in April 2015. Come check out the new Urban Vapor.

310 S 200 W, Bountiful, UT I (801) 695-7957 I urbanvapor.webs.com

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801-363-0565 | 580 E 300 S w w w. t h e a r t f l o r a l . c o m

Urban Vapor is home to the most affordable liquid in the State, Clouds4less Premium E-liquid, $20 60mls, refillible for $10

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24 | DECEMBER 24, 2015

A&E May the Spoilers Be With You

No topic is off-limits as we consider what’s ahead in Star Wars after The Force Awakens.

BY BRYAN YOUNG comments@cityweekly.net @swankmotron

B

y now, you’ve all seen Star Wars: The Force Awakens, the seventh installment of the Skywalker family saga. If you haven’t, run—don’t walk—to a theater to see it before reading this column. Do not talk about it with people who haven’t seen it, either. We’re going to explore the most tantalizing threads we want and need to see continued through the installments to follow. So be warned: There will be spoilers ahead.

1. The Destruction of the Republic

The first question I want more information about is the political situation in the galaxy. It’s not stated explicitly, but it seems as though the New Republic were hesitant to marshal a military force, for fear of being perceived as turning into a new Empire.

Instead, it covertly sanctioned the Resistance, led by General Organa (aka Princess Leia), to resist the remnants of the Empire known as The First Order. But they got blown up.

What happens next? What will the universe, subsumed in this new power vacuum, look like? We don’t get even a hint in The Force Awakens. I’m dying to see what that political struggle is like.

2. Rey who?

Rey (Daisy Ridley) is our scavenger hero from the planet Jakku. She’s resourceful, grew up in a desert wastelend, is a crack mechanic, and is stronger in The Force than she ever could have realized. Sounds like a recipe for a Skywalker to me, but we know next to nothing about who Rey was before she was left on Jakku under mysterious circumstances.

She obviously has a destiny she’s unaware of, and we’ve seen her already try to refuse that journey—just as Luke did in A New Hope, and how Anakin refused his journey toward the light in the prequel films.

3. The Shadow of Darth Vader

Rey might still be able to avoid it, but Kylo Ren (Adam Driver) is a character with the weight of that family legacy on

big SHINY ROBOT him that I would not want to bear. He’s conflicted and fascinating, and he is so clearly trying to rise up from the ashes to be the hero he saw his grandfather as when he was murdering the Jedi and “bringing balance to the Force.” But, as Yoda said in Revenge of the Sith, this is a “prophecy that misread might have been.” Seeing the burned helmet of Darth Vader—and watching Kylo Ren struggle to contain the light in him and embrace the dark—is compelling. But when Rey explains his fear to Ren, it’s a perfect moment. Seeing more of this conflict play out will be good for all of us. Will it end with Ren’s redemption, as it did with Vader? Or will he turn into a new emperor? Only time will tell.

4. Supreme Leader Snoke

Supreme Leader Snoke’s (Andy Serkis) name is thrown around by Han and Organa with a venom of disgust to it. Kylo Ren and General Hux treat him like a deity. But all we know of him so far is that he is an oversized hologram people are afraid of, much like Darth Sidious’ visage as the Emperor in The Empire Strikes Back.

Who is he? What does he want for the galaxy? Why did he turn Kylo Ren? Why did he sabotage Luke Skywalker’s new generation of Jedi? What drives him? Only future installments of this trilogy can tell us that because we got virtually no information in The Force Awakens.

5. Luke Skywalker

This should probably top every list of things we need to see more of in Rian Johnson’s Episode VIII. The first words of the opening crawl were “Luke Skywalker has vanished,” and the end of the movie fulfilled the promise to find him. His disappearance and exile raises so many questions, and we’ve received barely any hints as to what the answers might be. After Return of the Jedi, it’s almost unimaginable that Skywalker could face a threat with any trepidation or fear, but something got to him. Was it the mysterious Wizard of Oz-like character Snoke? Was it simply the weight of his family legacy?

Among fans, this thread is the one that provokes the most urgent desire for answers.

We’ll see how we end up getting them.

Perhaps we’ll get some of these answers in the novelization of the film, which is coming out in hardcover January 2016 (an eBook version was released Dec. 18). Until then, we’ll have to wait 15 months for Episode VIII to come out to see if these questions are answered.

Between now and then, I will debate these alarming events as endlessly as the Congress of the Republic debates the taxation of trade routes to outlying star systems. It’s too bad I don’t have Jedi I can secretly dispatch to settle the conflict. CW

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THURSDAY 12.24 Santa Skis Free

Christmas Eve is a pretty busy night for old Saint Nicholas. He’s got places to go, cookies to eat, etc. Maybe what he needs most before all that “on Dasher”-ing is to go dashing through some snow himself—just a little invigorating exercise before he has to spend all that time behind the reins.

On Christmas Eve, Snowbird Ski & Summer Resort revisits a tradition that allows Santa and Mrs. Claus—as well as their helper elves appearing in human form—to enjoy a morning ski for free. The first 100 guests in full costume—that’s traditional fur-trimmed red coat and pants, white hair, hat and black belt for the Clauses, or green garb and green elf hat—get one free ride on the 10:15 a.m. Santa Express Tram.

Registration begins in the resort’s Activity Center at 9 a.m., so everyone whose holiday is beginning a little early can take advantage of all that new powder we’ve enjoyed lately. And you don’t have to put anything in Snowbird’s stocking.

Not even a lump of coal. (Scott Renshaw) Santa Skis Free @ Snowbird Resort, Highway 210, Little Cottonwood Canyon, Dec. 24, 9 a.m. registration, 10:15 a.m. tram. Snowbird.com

PERFORMANCE

DANCE

Improvables CenterPoint Legacy Theatre, 525 N. 400 West, Centerville, Tuesday, 10 p.m., 801450-7189, Facebook.com/The.Improvables.Utah Comedy Open Mic Sandy Station, 8925 S. Harrison St., Sandy, 801-255-2078, Sundays, 8 p.m., SandyStation.com Comedy Sportz Comedy Sportz, 36 West Center St., Provo, 801-377-9700, Thursdays-Saturdays, 8 p.m., ComedySportzUtah.com

SPECIAL EVENTS FESTIVALS & FAIRS

DecemberFest The Canyons, 4000 Canyons Resort Drive, Park City, 800-222-7275, through Jan. 3, ParkCityMountain.com Deer Valley Torchlight Parade Deer Valley Resort, 2250 Deer Valley Drive South, Park City, Dec. 30, 6 p.m., DeerValley.com EVE Winter Fest Downtown SLC, various locations, 801-333-1133, Dec. 29-30, 10 a.m.-9 p.m.; Dec. 31, 10 a.m.-11:30 p.m., EveSLC.com, see Essentials, p. 22 Torchlight Parade The Canyons, 4000 Canyons Resort Drive, Park City, 800-222-7275, Dec. 24, 5:30 p.m., ParkCityMountain.com

HOLIDAY CONCERTS

Kurt Bestor Egyptian Theatre, 328 Main, Park City, 435-649-9371, Dec. 23-25, 8 p.m., EgyptianTheatreCompany.org Mannheim Steamroller Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple, 385-468-1010, Dec. 26, 8 p.m.; Dec. 27, 3 p.m., MagicSpace.net/salt-lake-city

| CITY WEEKLY | DECEMBER 24, 2015 | 25

COMEDY & IMPROV

AUTHOR APPEARANCES

Sara B. Larson: Endure The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, 801-484-9100, Dec. 29, 7 p.m. KingsEnglish.com

Ballet West: The Nutcracker Capitol Theatre, 50 W. 200 South, 801-355-2787, through Dec. 27, 7 p.m. except Dec. 25 & 27; matinee 2 p.m., Dec. 22, 23, 26; matinee noon, Dec. 24 & 27.

BalletWest.org Diavolo Dance Theatre: Architecture in Motion Eccles Center, 1750 Kearns Blvd., Park City, 435-655-3114, Dec. 28 & 29, 7:30 p.m., EcclesCenter.org, see Essentials, p. 22 Shen Yun Capitol Theatre, 50 W. 200 South, 801-355-2787, Dec. 29 & 30, 7:30 p.m.; matinee Dec. 30, 2 p.m.; ShenYunPerformingArts.org, see Essentials, p. 22

LITERATURE

| MUSIC | CINEMA | DINING | A&E | NEWS |

A Christmas Carol Hale Centre Theatre, 3333 S. Decker Lake Drive, West Valley City, 801-9849000, through Dec. 24, HCT.org Ebenezer Scrooge & His Nightmare Before Christmas Desert Star Playhouse, 4861 S. State, 801-266-2600, through Jan. 2, MondaySaturday, 6 p.m. & 8:30 p.m.; Saturday matinees, 11:30 p.m. & 2:30 p.m.; DesertStar.biz The Grouch Who Stole Christmas The Off Broadway Theater, 272 S. Main, 801-355-4628, through Dec. 26, Monday, Friday & Saturday, 7:30 p.m., TheOBT.org It’s a Wonderful Life: The Musical Brigham’s Playhouse, 25 N. 300 West, 435-251-8000, Washington (near St. George) through Jan. 3, 7 p.m.; Saturday matinee 2 p.m.; no performances Sunday or Monday; BrighamsPlayhouse.com

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

THEATER

Gallagher Egyptian Theatre, 328 Main, Park City, 435-649-9371, Dec. 26-Jan. 2, 8 p.m., EgyptianTheatreCompany.org Jeff Dye Wiseguys Downtown, 194 S. 400 West, 801-532-5233, Dec 30-31, 7:30 p.m. & 9:30 p.m., WiseGuysComedy.com Marcus Wiseguys Downtown, 194 S. 400 West, 801-532-5233, Dec. 26, 7:30 & 9:30 p.m., Dec. 27, 7:30 p.m., WiseguysComedy.com Rodney Norman Wiseguys Ogden, 269 Historic 25th St., 801-622-5588, Dec. 26, 8 p.m.

WiseGuysComedy.com

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26 | DECEMBER 24, 2015

TURN YOUR PASSION FOR FOOD INTO A CAREER

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Children’s Christmas Eve Celebration Snowbasin Ski Resort, 3925 E. Snowbasin Road, Huntsville, 888-437-5488, Dec. 24, 6 p.m., Snowbasin.com Christmas Eve Parade & Fireworks Snowbird Resort, Highway 210 Little Cottonwood Canyon, Snowbird, 800-232-9542, Dec. 24, 9 a.m.-7 p.m., Snowbird.com, see Citizen Revolt, p. 14 Christmas in Color Ed Mayne St./Oquirrh Park, 5624 S. Cougar Lane, Kearns, through Jan. 2, Monday-Saturday, ChristmasInColor.net Christmas Village Municipal Gardens, 25th Street & Grant Avenue, Ogden, 801-399-4357, through Jan. 1, OgdenCity.com DecemberFest The Canyons, 4000 Canyons Resort Drive, Park City, 800-222-7275, through Jan. 3, ParkCityMountain.com Elf Displays & Elf Scavenger Hunt Gardner Village, 1100 W. 7800 South, West Jordan, through Dec. 24, GardnerVillage.com Festival of Lights Canyon View Park, 3300 E. Powerhouse Road, Spanish Fork, through Jan. 1, 6-10 p.m., cars $7; vans/trailers $20; buses $30; SpanishFork.org Holiday Lights Thanksgiving Point, 3003 N. Thanksgiving Way, Lehi, through Dec. 28, ThanksgivingPoint.com Meet Holiday Magic City Creek Center, 50 S. Main, 801-521-2012, Dec. 23-24, 10 a.m., My995FM.com Santa & Mrs. Claus Ride the Bird Snowbird Resort, Highway 210, Little Cottonwood Canyon, Dec. 24-25, 9 a.m., Snowbird.com ZooLights Hogle Zoo, 2600 E. Sunnyside Ave., through Dec. 31, gates open 5:30 p.m. daily except Christmas Day; Sunday-Wednesday and Christmas Eve, till 8 p.m.; Thursday-Saturday, till 5:30 p.m.; HogleZoo.com

VISUAL ART GALLERIES & MUSEUMS

In their own words... a business is wise to “ Ifdemographic marketing, City Weekly ads are better than any social media-period. I’ve run ads for a decade and well, I ended up increasing the ad size because they were getting read!

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24 Hours in China: Photography from the China Overseas Exchange Association Part One Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801-5248200, through Jan. 10, 9 a.m.-9 p.m.

Benjamin Gaulon: Corrupt.Yourself Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through Jan. 16, UtahMoca.org Brian Bress: Make Your Own Friends Utah Museum of Fine Arts, 410 Campus Center Drive, 801-581-7332, through Jan. 10, UMFA.Utah.edu Brian Christensen: Reconfigure CUAC, 175 E. 200 South, 385-215-6768, through Feb. 7; CUArtCenter.org Cheryl Sandoval: Steps from the Reservation Mestizo Institute of Culture & Arts, 631 W. North Temple, Suite 700, 801-596-0500, through Jan. 9, MestizoArts.org Colors of the Season Art at the Main, 210 E. 400 South, 801-363-4088, through Jan. 10, ArtAtTheMain.com Colors of the Season Art at the Main, 210 E. 400 South, 801-363-4088, through Jan. 10, ArtAtTheMain.com CUAC, 175 E. 200 South, 385-215-6768, through Jan. 9, CUArtCenter.org

Firelei Baez: Patterns of Resistance Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through Jan. 16, UtahMOCA.org From the Collection of Thomas M. Alder Charley Hafen Gallery, 1409 S. 900 East, 801521-7711, through Jan. 9, CharleyHafen.com Holiday Shit Show God Hates Robots, 314 W. 300 South #250, 801-596-3370, through Dec. 24, GodHatesRobots.com, see Essentials, p. 22 Holiday Group Exhibition Slusser Gallery, 447 E. 100 South, 801-532-1956, through Jan. 8, MarkSlusser.com Inside Out: Solo exhibition by Lindsay Frei Alice Gallery, 617 East S. Temple, 801-236-7555, through Jan. 16, VisualArts.Utah.gov Mark Thomas Palfreyman: Little Monsters: Scientific Illustrations Sprague Branch, 2131 S. 1100 East, 801-594-8640, through Jan. 18, SLCPL.org Mummies of the World The Leonardo, 209 E. 500 South, 801-538-9100, Dec. 18-March 6, MummiesOfTheWorld.com Occurrences: A Further Examination of Phenomena in Nature Salt Lake City Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801-524-8200, through Feb. 6, 9 a.m.-9 p.m., SLCPL.org Picturing the Iconic: Andy Warhol to Kara Walker Kimball Art Center, 1401 Kearns Blvd., Park City, 435-649-8882, Oct., 24-Jan. 3, KimballArtCenter.org Robert Martin: Episodes: Salt Lake City Salt Lake City Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801524-8200, through Jan. 8, SLCPL.org Roberto Zavala: The Colorado Plateau and Other Stories Salt Lake City Library Chapman Branch, 577 S. 900 West, 801-594-8623, through Dec. 30, SLCPL.org Sarina Villareal: Efflorescent Interference Salt Lake City Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801524-8200, through Jan. 8, SLCPL.org Sigfredo Mendoza Alonso: Embraced Landscapes Sweet Branch, 455 F St., 801-5948651, through Dec. 26, SLCPL.org Small Works Modern West Fine Art 177 E. 200 South, 801-355-3383, through Jan. 12, TuesdaySaturday, ModernWestFineArt.com Statewide Annual Statewide Annual Exhibition Rio Gallery, 300 S. Rio Grande St, 801-245-7272, through Jan. 8, 8 a.m.-5 p.m., VisualArts.utah.gov Trees of Diversity Utah Cultural Celebration Center, 1355 W. 3100 South, West Valley City, 801-965-5100, through Dec. 30, 9 a.m.-5 p.m., CulturalCelebration.org Tyrone Davies: In Camera Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, 801-3284201, through Jan. 16, UtahMOCA.org A Visual Feast Horne Fine Art Exhibit, 142 E. 800 South, 801-533-4200, through Dec. 31; 6-9 p.m., HorneFineArt.com

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BY TED SCHEFFLER comments@cityweekly.net @critic1

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chowder; nori and sesame seared ahi Chef Zane Holmquist, pictured, has cooked up a tuna, wild mushroom beggar’s purse New Year’s Eve feast at Glitretind Restaurant. or aged Gruyere and chive soufflé.

Guests will then enjoy lemon-thyme butter; and sous-vide wagyu strip with gnocchi, quail saltimbocca or burrata with wild mushrooms and marrow. For dessert, fresh basil and heirloom cherry tomatoes, Tupelo guests will enjoy chocolate chestnut before savoring an entree choice: harissa cheesecake with XOXO Chocolate sauce and & herb-crusted Niman Ranch lamb chops, pomegranate ice cream. In addition, a vegepan-roasted scallops or seared bison fillet. tarian menu will be available, if you reserve For dessert, there’s a classy offering of carain advance. melized pear & chèvre.

I can’t think of many places to better enjoy Looking to dance the night away? Grab an the holiday season than at Stein Eriksen inexpensive classic Italian meal or pizza at Lodge (7700 Stein Way, 435-645-6455, Cisero’s (306 Main, 435-649-5044, Ciseros.

SteinLodge.com), which is festooned with a com) before kicking out the jams with gorgeous Christmas tree and a gingerbread Battleship and Street Jesus. DJs start at 9 p.m. house that’s almost large enough to live in.

Just a few doors down from Cisero’s is This year’s New Year’s Eve celebration at 350 Main (350 Main, 435-649-3140 ext. 101, Stein’s will feature a harpist, a live band and 350Main.com), which celebrates its 20th dancing. A prix fixe dinner menu is served anniversary this year. (How time flies!) 350 in two seatings at Glitretind Restaurant.

Main has a mind-boggling array of menu opThe first seating—starting at 6 p.m., priced tions, offering a nice diversion from the stanat $185 per person—features a four-course dard three-course prix-fixe limited selecmenu and special kids menu ($50). The sections. To wit, guests will choose from one of ond seating—starting at 8 p.m., $235 per six appetizers, like a tuna tower with avocado person—will feature a five-course menu. No and wasabi cream, roasted Colorado elk saukids menu will be available during the secsage or chilled seafood ceviche with cream ond seating. In addition, Stein’s will serve its and crispy plantains, just to name a few. world-famous Sunday brunch buffet on New For the entrée, revelers will choose from Year’s Day ($60 for adults, $25 for children). another six selections, including Utah trout If, like me, you usually prefer to stay with pumpkin seed crumble, grilled Shethome on New Year’s Eve with a low-key, land Islands salmon with lobster-drawn private celebration, Windy Ridge Bakery butter, “bootleg” togarashi-dusted venison (1255 Ironhorse Drive, 435-647-2906, loin and more, including plenty of glutenWindyRidgeBakery.com) has an array free options such as crispy fried chicken of delectable baked goods and desserts with apple jam. Finally, for dessert, you’ll to sweeten your evening, such as Bûche choose between tequila-infused Key lime de Noël, a traditional chocolate cake roll pie or chocolate-frosted chocolate cake filled with sweetened whipped cream and with chocolate truffle. $120 per person. chocolate ganache, garnished with holiday The hottest new restaurant in Park City decorations; “Mile-High” apple pie; darkis Maggie Alvarez’ and Matthew Harchocolate truffle cake; and frangipane tart ris’ Tupelo (508 Main, 435-615-7700, made with apricots and golden almond TupeloParkCity.com), serving truly innovacake filling, baked in a pâte sucrée shell. Or, tive globally inspired cuisine. Tupelo’s enif you’re in the mood for a more savory opticing five-course, prix fixe New Year’s Eve tion, choose from tomato spinach quiche dinner ($105 for adults, $55 for children ages with caramelized onion and goat cheese, 5-12) begins with kampachi tartare with or ham & Swiss quiche with caramelized crispy potatoes, passion fruit purée, chives onions & scallions. and Snake River caviar; followed by risotto Happy New Year! CW with winter truffles; pan-roasted steelhead trout with gold rice, field peas and lobster

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

ith the much-needed and wildly welcomed snow that recently hit Utah, it’s finally time to head for the slopes. And, if you’re looking to escape the downtown crowds on New Year’s Eve, a high-altitude celebration in Park City—our own world-class ski town— would be an excellent alternative. There’s a bonanza of options for ringing in the New Year at Park City, in every price range, from intimate dining and buffets to kick-upyour-heels dance parties. Here are a few enticing ways to spend the Eve in Park City.

The posh Waldorf Astoria at The Canyons Village (2100 Frostwood Drive, 435-647-5566, ParkCityWaldorfAstoria.com) will host a five-course prix fixe New Year’s Eve dinner at its Powder restaurant—which I raved about this past summer (“Powder Pampering,” June 18, City Weekly)—beginning with a Champagne toast and chilled shigoku oysters, followed by squash bisque and a lemon sorbet intermezzo. Entrée choices include braised buffalo short ribs, Mary’s organic chicken or pan-seared Utah trout.

Round out the evening with a trio of darkchocolate mousse, burnt banana and peanuts. $105 per person; children’s menu available.

A little farther up the hill, the Hyatt Escala Lodge (3551 N. Escala Court, 435940-1234, EscalaLodge.Hyatt.com) invites New Year’s Eve guests to dig into a bodacious buffet ($135 for adults, $45 for children ages 2-12) featuring roast venison, sous-vide prime tenderloin of beef, saltcrusted sea bass, duck confit and blackpepper fettuccine, Niman Ranch prime short-rib ravioli and spinach cannelloni with San Marzano tomato sauce; along with accompaniments of roasted vegetables, brown-sugar butternut squash and Parmesan-whipped potatoes; plus seafood items such as fresh-shucked oysters, stone crab claws, seafood ceviche tostadas, New England lobster rolls and beet-cured salmon. Whew! I’m stuffed just thinking about it. There’s also a decorate-yourown-cupcake station and a kids’ “Young at Heart” station.

If you’re looking for a quiet, intimate setting to ring in the New Year, The Mariposa at Deer Valley’s Silver Lake Village (7600 Royal St., 435-645-6715, DeerValley.com) would be an excellent choice. The fourcourse prix fixe dinner ($125 per person) features a first course choice of Maine lobster

Breakfast

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BY TED SCHEFFLER @critic1

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If you’re looking for a truly unique way to spend New Year’s Eve, Culinary Crafts and Ballet West “once-in-a-lifetime” NYE popup dinner at the 6th floor of the University of Utah Rice-Eccles Tower should be right up your alley. With breathtaking views of Salt Lake City, guests will be treated to hors d’oeuvres at 7 p.m., followed by Mary Crafts-Homer’s “outrageous multi-course culinary adventure,” with proceeds to benefit Ballet West. Members of the troupe will be in attendance. Dinner courses from Culinary Crafts include coconut butternut-squash bisque with snow crab; and smoked New York strip steak with chorizo purèe, corn pudding, asparagus and garlicalmond nougatine. In addition, a dessert station will offer delights such as eggnog gelato, pumpkin-ricotta pound cake, Grand Marnier fruit compote and more. Following dinner, DiscConnection will provide music for dancing, and the evening will culminate with fireworks and a celebratory midnight toast. Seating is limited and tickets must be purchased in advance; visit CulinaryCrafts.com for more information.

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FOOD MATTERS

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Fans of Del Mar al Lago (310 Bugatti Drive, Salt Lake City, 801-467-2890)—especially those residing in Summit or Wasatch counties—will be thrilled, as I am, to know that there’s now a new Park City Del Mar al Lago (1890 Bonanza Drive, 435-604-0508).

As at the Salt Lake City location, Park City’s Del Mar al Lago specializes in ceviche and other Peruvian dishes and beverages, including a badass Pisco Sour. Even better news: The restaurant is open on Sundays.

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Bistro 222 (222 S. Main, 801-456-0347, Bistro-222.com) has announced the hiring of Brady Gray as its new executive chef. Prior to signing on with Bistro 222, Gray spent 15 years at Gastronomy’s Baci Trattoria before moving on to Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse. He’s revamped the Bistro’s dinner and lunch menus and will feature dinners paired with Bistro 222’s Wine Spectatordesignated wine list, which features featuring over 150 offerings. “Gray will complete the full dining experience that Bistro provides its customers,” said Jeremy Ford with Bistro’s ownership group. “Gray will introduce Bistro 222’s first catering menu, enabling the restaurant to provide private dining in-house or to local offices.”

Quote of the week: I’d like to come back as an oyster. Then I’d only have to be good from September until April.

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New Year’s Sips

Add sparkle to New Year’s Eve with bubblicious cocktails.

BY TED SCHEFFLER comments@cityweekly.net @critic1

I

n last week’s Drink column (“Bargain Bubbly,” Dec. 17, City Weekly), I suggested a number of affordable bottles to help make your New Year’s Eve toasts sparkle. But not everyone loves Champagne straight. Many—like Mimosa lovers—prefer to enjoy their bubbles blended: with fruit juice, with liquor or both. So, with New Year’s Eve 2016 in mind, here are some tantalizing twists on the standard midnight toast.

The simplest of all Champagne cocktails is one that actress Ali Larter likes to serve: a Lemon Twist. And, when I say “simple,” I mean this one is simple. For eight servings, divide one 750-milliliter bottle of Champagne or other quality sparkling wine among eight glasses. Drop a lemon zest strip into each glass, et voilá! You’ve created a slightly bitter, delicious Champagne cocktail that even the klutziest mixologist can concoct.

A smooch is a New Year’s Eve stroke-of-midnight tradition, so why not pair it with a Cali Kiss cocktail?

Here’s the recipe for one: Cut a half lemon into quarters and muddle the lemon pieces in a mixing glass with one and one-half ounces Caliche Rum and three-fourths

DRINK

ounces St. Germain French elderf lower liqueur. Fill the glass with ice and shake until chilled. Strain the mixture into an ice-filled Champagne flute; top with one ounce chilled prosecco or other sparkling wine.

The kid in all of us enjoys the idea of an old-fashioned soda fountain float. Well, here’s one that’s not so old-fashioned, nor as calorie laden as those of our childhood. It comes from the famed Bemelmans Bar at New York’s Carlyle Hotel. To make this LowCal Float, use a melon baller to add a scoop of lemon or raspberry sorbet to a chilled flute. Fill the glass with five ounces Martini & Rossi prosecco (or your favorite brand) and garnish with one raspberry or a twist of lemon. It’s a terrific aperitif for your New Year’s Eve guests.

Speaking of The Carlyle, here is the recipe for their popular Carlyle Punch. In a cocktail shaker with ice, combine one ounce Southern Comfort, one and onehalf ounce Stolichnaya Raspberry Vodka, one and onehalf ounces cranberry juice, one ounce orange juice, one ounce St. Germain, one ounce simple syrup and a

squeeze of fresh lime juice. Shake well and pour into a Cognac glass over ice. Finish with three dashes Angostura bitters and a splash of Champagne or other sparkling wine. Garnish with fresh blueberries and raspberries.

Most often, the classic French 75 cocktail (named such because the effect was said to have the kick of a French 75mm field gun), created in 1915 in Paris, is usually made with gin. However, I prefer the version made popular by New Orleans bartenders, which uses Cognac in place of gin. To make it, fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Add one and one-half ounces VSOP Cognac, one-half ounce simple syrup, one and one-half ounces fresh lemon juice and shake well. Strain the Cognac mixture into a martini glass and top with an ounce or so of sparkling wine, garnished with a lemon t wist.

Here is another ridiculously simple, but elegant cocktail for your New Year’s Eve celebration, or any other time you’d like a refreshing rosé drink. I’m especially fond of the Rosé Champagne Cocktail because I adore rosé. This recipe makes t wo. Slice one sugar cube in half with a serrated or sharp, thin knife. Place half a sugar cube into the bottom of each of t wo Champagne f lutes (I like to use old-fashioned Champagne coupes). Add four dashes of aromatic bitters (such as A ngostura) to each glass. Then top the glasses with Rosé Champagne. Add a lemon t wist garnish if you’re so inclined. CW

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AFTER NEW YEARS

| CITY WEEKLY |

New Years brunch 10:00AM UNTIL 2:00PM ENJOY BRUNCH

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32 | DECEMBER 24, 2015

GOODEATS Complete listings at cityweekly.net

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As you might guess from the name, Naked Fish specializes in sashimi, sushi, maki, nigiri and such, but this restaurant doesn’t stop there. Other dining options include the glazed Pacific Rim pork ribs, miso-glazed sea bass, lettuce cups and tempura. And don’t pass up the mind-blowing Wagyu beef. This is the real thing: all-natural Japanese strip loin imported from the Miyazaki prefecture on Kyushu Island.

The place might be called Naked Fish, but the beef is stupendous—and we recommend arriving fully clothed. 67 W. 100 South, Salt Lake City, 801-595-8888, NakedFishBistro.com

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Saffron Valley has all the exotic flair of Indian street food minus the street. It’s not your typical Indian restaurant in that there are no paintings of Hindu deities on the wall and no Bollywood movies blaring. There is, however, delicious street-style food at the Salt Lake City restaurant such as biryanis, curries, chaat (puri, samosas, pakoras, dabeli), kebabs, Indian wraps and flatbreads. Saffron Valley East India Cafe, 28 E St., Salt Lake City, 801203-3325; Saffron Valley Indian Street Foods, 1098 W. South Jordan Parkway, South Jordan, 801-438-4823

Order your German Rouladen & Swedish Hams & Korv early!

Regulars at Janet’s Sunshine Cafe swear it offers the best breakfast anywhere, and on Sundays, to boot. In addition to breakfast items like the whole-wheat granola-topped pancakes, breakfast burrito and omelets, the restaurant serves delicious burgers and sandwiches for lunch, like the chicken cordon bleu and a scrumptious patty melt. Also, be sure to try the grilled tri-tip special on Fridays. 20 S. Orchard Drive, Salt Lake City, 801-936-0915, SunshineCafeUtah.com

Em’s Restaurant

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Chef/owner Emily Gassmann has created a strangely unUtah-ish bistro in the Capitol Hill neighborhood that serves up simple and wholesome food in a cozy restaurant setting.

Potato pancakes with crème fraîche is a great Em’s appetizer, and how could you go wrong with phyllo rolls stuffed with goat cheese and duck confit? For dinner, red-winebraised short ribs, wild salmon, free-range chicken and rack of lamb all compete for attention. Thankfully, there’s also a compact, well constructed wine list to accompany the range of flavors at the restaurant. Sunday brunch is especially appealing in warm weather on the spacious patio.

271 N. Center St., Salt Lake City, 801-596-0566, EmsRestaurant.com

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Cafe Shambala

At Cafe Shambala, the daily lunch buffet is very popular with locals from the Avenues neighborhood. Everyone loves the momos—a Nepalese take on Chinese potstickers, as well as the eclectic mix of Tibetan, Indian and Chinese cuisine at this Salt Lake City restaurant.

Vegetarians will appreciate the plentiful veggie-based offerings, in addition to vegan dishes. Many Chinese dishes pepper the menu, including chow mein, beef with broccoli and fried rice. The restaurant is cozy, adorned with pictures of the Dalai Lama and scenes from Tibet. For an interesting beverage, try chat—a Tibetan sweet tea and the kheer (rice pudding) for dessert. 382 E. 4th Ave., Salt Lake City, 801-364-8558

Catering available Catering Available

Open Mon-Wed: 9am-6pm Thu-Sat: 9am-9pm 20 W. 200 S. • (801) 355-3891

REVIEW BITES A sampler of Ted Scheffler’s reviews

Featuring dining destinations from buffets and rooms with a view to mom & pop joints, chic cuisine and some of our dining critic’s faves.

Porcupine Pub & Grille

Fans of The Porcupine at the mouth of Big Cottonwood Canyon have a new place to congregate—and they’re doing so in droves. Fortunately, this second location has a small bar area in which to pass the time while you await seating.

Lunch and dinner menus are pretty similar, though prices go up considerably. An appetizer of ahi spring rolls with a pair of tasty dipping sauces definitely isn’t something you see on most pub menus, and this one is plentiful enough to serve as an entrée. The New England seafood chowder is some of the best I’ve ever eaten. A puffy-crust, four-cheese pizza was quite appealing; other pizza options include Thai chicken, shrimp Margherita, barbecue chicken, and roasted veggies on flat bread. The Poblano steak pasta came with linguine bathed in a creamy Alfredo-style sauce spiked with Poblano chiles; had the pasta been al dente, this would have been a total winner. The service is genuinely friendly and warm—more proof that this ain’t your granddaddy’s pub.

Reviewed Dec. 10. 258 E. 1300 South, 801-582-5555, PorcupinePub.com

El Chanate

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South Jordan • 10500 S. 1086 W. Ste. 111 • 801.302.0777 Provo • 98 W. Center Street • 801.373.7200 Gift certificates available • www.IndiaPalaceUtah.com

DECEMBER 24, 2015 | 33

-CityWeekly

This bright and bustling ultra-modern space foregoes the predictable Greek blue-and-white color scheme and traditional bouzouki music playing in the background.

Here you’ll find contemporary meze (small plates) and entrées. The yemista meze is a trio of bright-red roasted and peeled piquillo peppers, stuffed with smoked feta, sprinkled with chopped scallions, olive oil and black sea salt. Other enticing meze options—and there are many—include arni psito (lamb-belly sliders with smoked feta-cheese spread, Greek coffee barbecue sauce and pickled cucumber) and htapodi (charred octopus with warm Zürsun heirloom-bean salad). You could easily make a meal of meze, but that would mean that you’d miss out on wonderful entrées like moist and juicy Mary’s half-chicken, roasted and served with lemon rice pilaf, grilled toast and an exceptional chamomile broth.

Excellent, friendly service to the roster of fine Greek fare, and it becomes clear what all the buzz is about.

Reviewed Oct. 22. 402 E. 900 South, Salt Lake City, 801-532-3760, ManolisOn9th.com

| CITY WEEKLY |

“In a perfect world, every town would have a diner just like Ruth’s”

Manoli’s

-Creekside Patio-85 Years and Going Strong-breakfast served daily until 4pm-Delicious Mimosas & Bloody mary’s-Gift Cards for sale in diner or online @ruthsdiner.com

197 North Main St • Layton • 801-544-4344

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AS SEEN ON “ DINERS, DRIVE-INS AND DIVES”

Hot Dynasty is hidden away in the Chinatown Supermarket building—and once you find it, you’ll discover a restaurant that’s upscale in appearance, though not in price. With nearly 250 dishes to choose from, it’s hard to know where to begin. I was thrilled to spy dan dan noodles on the menu, but we were disappointed that the noodles were a tad mushy. More to our liking were the Sichuan Cold Noodles: thicker, lo mein-type egg noodles served cold with a deliciously spicy peanutsesame sauce. Some Hot Dynasty ingredients might be off-putting to the Western palate, but if not, try the Hot Pot with Pork Blood, Bungs & Vegetables. And while I don’t normally expect much in the way of a wine selection, in Chinese restaurants, this list—including Dom Pérignon vintage Champagne—blew my mind.

Reviewed Nov. 5. 3390 S. State, 801-712-5332, HotDynasty.com

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

“Chanate” in Spanish means “blackbird”—which makes it an appropriate moniker for this high-altitude Snowbird restaurant that’s soaring. Chef Carlos Perez’s chili is indeed award-worthy: a red chili brimming with tender roasted pork and posole-inspired hominy in place of the traditional beans. His unleashed creativity also shows up in an appetizer of pork empanadas, lightly fried and stuffed with shredded, slow-roasted pork, Chihuahua cheese, creamy salsa de árbol, and zippy habanero salsa. Indeed, Chef Perez is truly gifted when it comes to cooking pork; order any pork dish from the El Chanate menu, and prepare to be bowled over. However, of all the dishes I enjoyed at El Chanate, my favorite was the pork chili Colorado: think chili rojo, a hearty New Mexico-style chili consisting of bite-size chunks of slow-roasted pork, bathed in a rich sauce made with broth and guajillo chiles, warm tortillas for soaking up every bit of that killer Colorado sauce. Reviewed Nov. 12. The Cliff Lodge at Snowbird Resort, 801-933-2025, Snowbird.com/Dining/El-Chanate

Hot Dynasty

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34 | DECEMBER 24, 2015

SIDESHOW

Housing Bubble Bath

BY SCOTT RENSHAW scottr@cityweekly.net @scottrenshaw

I

don’t know about you, but if I were thinking, “Who should make a movie about the 2008 subprime mortgage economic collapse?” my first answer would not likely be, “The guy who made Anchorman.”

But that counter-intuitiveness is almost exactly what makes The Big Short so effective. Adapting Michael C. Lewis’s nonfiction book with Charles Randolph, director Adam McKay lays out the stories of the investment banking insiders who saw the mortgage collapse coming as early as 2005—including fund managers Michael Burry (Christian Bale) and Mark Baum (Steve Carell)—and began to realize how much the game was rigged.

The subject is, of course, insanely convoluted—full of arcane banking terminology and horrible behavior by banks, government regulatory agencies and bond-rating companies—that resulted in a cascade of bankrupt businesses, lost savings and unemployment. McKay, however, refuses to turn it into a parade of somber fingerwagging. He wants his audience to understand what went so horribly wrong, not just feel angry about it. And he commits to that notion with puckish meta-humor that includes asides like, “Here’s Margot Robbie in a bubble bath to explain it to you.”

There’s too much ground to cover for the individual characters’ stories to make much of an emotional impact, despite McKay’s efforts at conveying, for example, the grief driving Baum’s righteousness.

But The Big Short has a snappy energy that turns one of the most maddening events in recent history into something where all the greedy pieces suddenly make sense—even the greedy pieces who are, theoretically, our protagonists, as we’re reminded that being right about this Jenga-unstable situation means real economic pain for real people. It’s more effective than any documentary to describe a gathering of the kind of people who facilitated this crisis as “like someone hit a piñata full of white guys who suck at golf.”

THE BIG SHORT

BBB.5 Steve Carell Christian Bale Ryan Gosling Rated R

J-LAW JOY

Shopping Block

CINEMA

A miscast Jennifer Lawrence is only part of the confusion in Joy.

BY MARYANN JOHANSON comments@cityweekly.net

O

h, no: Does David O. Russell have his first dud on his hands in Joy? For the first time since he realized that Jennifer Lawrence and Bradley Cooper belong onscreen together—theirs is a chemistry that will be the stuff of Hollywood legend, I have no doubt—the result is something that never quite gels. Russell isn’t wrong about Lawrence and Cooper; it’s only when they are paired up here that the movie comes alive. But they’re not paired up onscreen anywhere near enough to mold Joy into an entertaining whole.

It’s only when Lawrence is zinging with Cooper that I was able to look past how woefully miscast she is as entrepreneur Joy Mangano, who created a mop that can be wrung hands-free, and who went on to become a home-shopping superstar.

Written by Russell and Bridesmaids scribe Annie Mumolo, Joy is only loosely based on the real Mangano, which may have been intended as a way to dodge the fact that Lawrence is at least a decade too young to be playing a woman who was in her 30s when she embarked on her path to business success.

But the film sticks closely to the story of a divorced mom who travels a long, hard road before her triumph and vindication (because of course she was doubted by everyone along the way). It’s tough enough early on in Joy to buy the 25-year-old Lawrence as the mother of two grade-schoolers; by the end of the film, with her children grown and Mangano the magnate of an empire, Lawrence comes across like a little kid playing business-lady dress-up. This isn’t a matter of her talent, which is beyond doubt, but of a presence and a gravitas that cannot be faked, and comes only—if it ever comes at all—with actual age.

When Lawrence gets to dig into scenes

that don’t accidentally emphasize her relatively tender years, she is as extraordinarily engaging as she ever is. The sequences with Cooper, as a fictional HSN executive slightly beset with delusions of grandeur—he likens himself to a golden-age Hollywood studio mogul—don’t work merely because of the palpable chemistry between the two of them. They work because Lawrence can turn on her everywoman appeal, as Joy refuses to become a standard HSN Barbie-doll TV presenter and insists on being herself as she demonstrates her product for (hopefully) buying audiences. And this version of herself, the hitherto thwarted inventor at last given her moment to shine, is far more plausible than the harried mom with a crazy family the rest of the movie insists on forcing her to be.

Even the miscasting of Lawrence, however, takes a backseat to the weirdly stilted, forced quirkiness of how Russell casts Joy’s crazy family life. Her parents are divorced, but as the film opens, her father, Rudy (Robert De Niro), is moving in to roost in the basement, where her ex, Tony (Édgar Ramírez), is also living. The two men hate each other, but the animosity between Rudy and his ex, Joy’s reclusive, dyspeptic mother Terry (Virginia Madsen)—who also lives in the house—is even worse. Russell pitches the cantankerous domestic environment as akin to a messy, lower-middle-

Jennifer Lawrence in Joy

class version of a glitzy fantasy soap opera; we know this is his intention because we are treated, by way of comparison, to excerpts from the (fake) ongoing saga of the soap that Terry is obsessed with, which features actual soap stars such as General Hospital and Guiding Light vet Laura Wright. But the cast is never all on the same page here, ranging from Lawrence’s direct invisibly dramatic authenticity to Isabella Rossellini—as Rudy’s new girlfriend and an early investor in Joy’s company—verging on auditioning for a part in a comedic David Lynch fever dream.

Russell is too deliberate a filmmaker for this to be accidental, and this cast is too smart and too good for them not to be giving him exactly what he wants. I wish I could see what he was aiming for, and what he saw in his mind for Joy. I’m sure that would be a fantastic film. CW

JOY

BB Jennifer Lawrence Robert DeNiro Bradley Cooper Rated PG-13

TRY THESE Bridesmaids (2011) Kristen Wiig Maya Rudolph Rated R

Silver Linings Playbook (2012) Jennifer Lawrence Bradley Cooper Rated R

American Hustle (2013) Bradley Cooper Jennifer Lawrence Rated R

Serena (2015) Bradley Cooper Jennifer Lawrence Rated R

CINEMA CLIPS NEW THIS WEEK Information is correct at press time. Film release schedules are subject to change.

THE BIG SHORT BBB.5 See review p. 34. At theaters valleywide. (R)

POINT BREAK [not yet reviewed] Remake of the story about an undercover FBI operative (Luke Bracey) infiltrating a gang of anarchist thieves. Opens Dec. 25 at theaters valleywide. (PG-13) YOUTH B.5 Well, there’s little doubt that Paolo Sorrentino is really fascinated with aging white artists contemplating their mortality.

But while that notion worked perfectly in his gorgeous Oscarwinning, Italian-language film The Great Beauty, a whole lot is lost in the translation to English. Set at a Swiss hotel/spa, it primarily follows two men facing the end of their creative lives: Fred Ballinger (Michael Caine), a celebrated composer/ conductor resisting attempts to come out of retirement for a royal performance; and Mick Boyle (Harvey Keitel), a filmmaker struggling to get his latest movie finished. Circling around them are various secondary characters—Ballinger’s daughter (Rachel Weisz); a young actor (Paul Dano); Boyle’s long-time leading lady (Jane Fonda)—whose dramas allow Sorrentino plenty of opportunity to make use of the lovely mountain scenery and his always-impressive compositions. But the character interactions within those individual scenes border on the excruciating, full of pseudo-profound nonsense about love and death and creativity, with few moments that feel remotely real. The last couple

SPECIAL SCREENINGS A BALLERINA’S TALE At Park City Film Series, Dec. 25-26 @ 8 p.m. & Dec. 27 @ 6 p.m. (NR)

CURRENT RELEASES ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS: THE ROAD CHIP BB The fourth installment retains the philosophy of the previous three: There’s no need to try when your audience is composed of undiscerning children. This time, the computer-animated singing rodents try to prevent Dave (Jason Lee) from proposing to his girlfriend, since her teenage son Miles (Josh Green) is mean to them. (They believe all that is needed to prevent a marriage proposal is to steal the ring.) The Chipmunks and Miles get thrown off an airplane, and are thereafter pursued on land by an air marshal (Tony Hale) with a grudge. The plot depends on everyone making the dumbest choices when presented with problems, while the humor depends on 1. fart noises, 2. Tony Hale being physically punished and 3. contemporary pop songs sung in high-pitched voices. For adults, it’s relatively benign tedium. For kids, who cares? They’ll watch anything. (PG)—Eric D. Snider IN THE HEART OF THE SEA BBB.5 Director Ron Howard has taken a real-life story that partly inspired Moby Dick, and made an old-school, man-vs.-nature adventure that’s also about the dawning environmental

| CITY WEEKLY |

DECEMBER 24, 2015 | 35

THE DANISH GIRL BB It’s not the fault of anyone involved that this feels like so much lesser a version of one of the best films of 2013. That’s not literally true: This is the first movie about married artists Einer (Eddie Redmayne) and Gerda Wegener (Alicia Vikander), whose lives in 1926 Copenhagen were turned upside-down by Einer’s transition to a woman named Lili, one of the first transgender surgeries in history. But this narrative also echoes Xavier Dolan’s Laurence Anyways in its primary emotional concern with the ways a loving relationship can—and cannot—transcend the gender identity of one’s lover. Director Tom Hooper’s version feels inferior in nearly every way, with a visual approach that suggests an almost pathological fear of not being sensitive enough. And while Alicia Vikander offers up a remarkable performance as Gerda, rich with all the conflict feelings built into the situation, Redmayne’s interpretation of Lili feels so lacking in physicality that it seems she’ll evaporate into the air at any moment. There is a power to this

JOY BB See review p. 34. Opens Dec. 25 at theaters valleywide. (R)—SR

minutes finally find Sorrentino pulling together his emotional threads, but by that point, you’ve endured two hours wishing these people spoke a language you couldn’t understand. Opens Dec. 25 at Broadway Centre Theater. (R)—SR

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DADDY’S HOME B.5 Will Ferrell is Brad; he works at a smooth-jazz radio station. Mark Wahlberg is Dusty; he rides a motorcycle and wears a leather jacket.

These two large children, each suffering from delusions of adulthood, are engaged in a battle for the hearts and minds of (Dusty’s biological kids,) grade-schoolers Dylan (Owen Vaccaro) and Megan (Scarlett Estevez). Brad is now married to their mom, Sarah (Linda Cardellini); she and the tykes are little more than the stock photo that comes in a dude’s new wallet. The clichés about picture-postcard dadhood and pinup bad boys go beyond the cheap and obvious, and into the realm of the insulting—particularly given that Ferrell and Wahlberg’s prior team-up was the marvelously subversive The Other Guys. This isn’t as bad as director/co-screenwriter Sean Anders’ That’s My Boy, which is perhaps the most repulsive movie about fatherhood ever made. But that’s a very low bar. Daddy’s Home eventually discovers a smidge of heart in the vicinity of the right place, but this comes far too late to make up for the 90 minutes of crude dick-measuring—over children!—that has come before. Opens Dec. 25 at theaters valleywide. (PG-13)—MaryAnn Johanson

kind of unconditional love story; you just need to watch a different movie to fully understand how powerful it can be. Opens Dec. 25 at Broadway Centre Theatre and Century 16 Cinemas. (R)—SR

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

CONCUSSION BB.5 When it works, writer/director Peter Landesman’s fact-based story of Dr. Bennet Omalu (Will Smith)—the Nigerian-born forensic pathologist whose autopsy on former Pittsburgh Steeler center Mike Webster (David Morse) launched an investigation of the increased rate of chronic brain injury among football players—is less about the “one man against Big Money” narrative than impressive small details.

Footage from NFL pre-game shows capture announcers laughing heartily at players getting “jacked up;” Heinz Field’s omnipresence in the background reminds you how much people don’t want to know if their beloved civic institutions are corrupt; and Albert Brooks, as Omalu’s prickly boss, offers another memorable supporting performance. But there’s very little beyond those details in Landesman’s narrative structure, which meanders through Omalu’s courtship with his future wife (Gugu Mbatha-Raw), his collaborations with a former Steelers team doctor (Alec Baldwin), and his struggles against attempts to discredit him. And the efforts to connect Omalu’s immigrant American dream with his battle against America’s Game feel frustratingly under-written, despite Smith’s strong performance.

While Concussion pulls few punches in making the NFL the villain, righteous anger isn’t enough to sustain two hours. Opens Dec. 25 at theaters valleywide. (PG-13)—Scott Renshaw

MOVIE TIMES AND LOCATIONS AT CITYWEEKLY.NET

CINEMA

CLIPS

MOVIE TIMES AND LOCATIONS AT CITYWEEKLY.NET

STAR WARS: EPISODE VII—THE FORCE AWAKENS BBB Co-writer/director J.J. Abrams gets those of us who grew up with Star Wars as our defining childhood movie-going experience. Maybe he gets us a little too well. Because Abrams and his team have crafted a structure so deeply indebted to the original Star Wars—”indebted,” I suppose, being one of the more polite ways of phrasing it—that it’s almost audacious. He brings in a new generation of compelling characters to take the torch from returning characters like Harrison Ford’s Han Solo, and he grasps that an old-school hero-quest narrative is considerably more viscerally satisfying than galactic trade disputes. But it’s also hard to shake off the seemingly non-stop parade of callbacks to the original trilogy. For my generation, childhood memories were formed because Star Wars created something. The Force Awakens, for all its charms and virtues, tries to re-create something. (PG-13)—SR

36 | DECEMBER 24, 2015

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awareness in Owen Chase (Chris Hemsworth), first mate of the whaling ship Essex, which experienced the 1820 disaster chronicled here. Howard makes you feel the power of the mighty ship as the wind snaps in her sails; Chase and Capt. Pollard (Benjamin Walker) disagree over how to navigate, beginning a philosophical divide over whether humans rule over nature, or nature rules herself. While Heart is never unsympathetic to the ordeal the Essex survivors endure, it’s never unsympathetic to the whale, either. A once-familiar historical story is retold in a way that commands us to respect nature for what it is in its own right, not for what it can do for us. (PG-13)—MaryAnn Johanson

SISTERS BB.5 Amy Poehler plays altruistic and high-strung Maura Ellis; Tina Fey is irresponsible single mom Kate Ellis. When their parents announce that they’re selling their childhood home, the sisters decide to throw a huge party with their old high school friends. The premise is rich with possibilities at exploring how people mythologize their adolescence, but screenwriter Paula Pell mostly creates a series of sketches rather than a cohesive movie. And while flipping the script on the stars’ Baby Mama roles is a solid notion—Poehler is thoroughly convincing both as the control freak and the just-plain-freak—it feels like Fey is playing a smart person’s parody of the girl who peaked at 17. The chemistry between Poehler and Fey is too delicious not to provide some fun moments, but it turns out they’re not interchangeable parts in their comedic partnership. (R)—SR

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Mexifornia Dreamin’ Bi-cultural ‘toon Bordertown finally debuts;

TV

Excelente Bueno Mierda

Finding Bigfoot still can’t locate Sasquatch.

Bordertown Sunday, Jan. 3 (Fox)

Series Debut: It may have all the quirks of a 1995 network sitcom (20-something “friends” with no apparent jobs, an oddly named lead character who talks directly to the camera, the presence of the word “Guide” in the title, etc.), but Cooper Barrett’s Guide to Surviving Life is actually a new Fox comedy— I can tell because it stars Jack Cutmore-Scott (Kingsmen: The Secret Service), and the review screener didn’t arrive on a VHS tape. But, despite Cutmore-Scott’s charms and a promising support cast (including Meaghan Rath, Justin Bartha and Liza Lapira, all vets of better shows), this is just a lazy brocom that’s nowhere near as clever as it thinks it is. It’s as if Fox decided the world needs a “thinky” alternative to NBC’s

Galavant Sunday, Jan. 3 (ABC)

Season Premiere: If you’re thinking, “Wasn’t this canceled?” or “What’s Galavant?” or “Wait … is 2015 over already?” or any combination thereof, you’re not alone. Galavant, a “musical fairytale comedy” (yes, really), debuted in January of last year, blowing out eight back-to-back episodes over four weeks and generating a small buzz with its over-the-top silliness and catchy-as-scurvy song & dance numbers. Galavant is essentially a live-action Disney cartoon, with borrowed elements from Monty Python, Men in Tights and (get ready to strain your Wiki) When Things Were Rotten, and it mostly works. Timothy Omundson (unrecognizable from Psych) is the series’ beardy MVP as King Richard, and creator/writer Dan Fogelman (Tangled, The Neighbors) knows how to balance camp and cutting: The first episode of Season 2 is subtitled “Suck It Cancellation Bear,” a reference to The Cancel Bear, an Internet TV-demise predictor that repeatedly labeled Galavant as a goner last year. Cheeky.

Finding Bigfoot Sunday, Jan. 3 (Animal Planet)

Season Premiere: Season 9, that is. Which means Finding Bigfoot has failed to find Bigfoot in more than 70 episodes now. Not to imply that this show is any more nor less abortive than Keeping Up With the Kardashians. (From what I’ve

Bordertown (Fox) seen—which is, admittedly, limited to clips from The Soup (R.I.P.) and random chunks accidentally DVRed following E!’s The Royals—there’s nothing to “keep up” on with the Kardashians, as nothing ever happens on the screen. Seriously, nothing.) KUWTK is just endless hours of plastic dolts who are barely more “real” than Sasquatch, contributing nada and sucking oxygen. Wishing death upon the Kardashians and Jenners is as pointless as looking for Bigfoot, because it’s not like they were ever really “here” or “did” anything, either.

Scott Disick, however … there’s a man of action.

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia Wednesday, Jan. 6 (FXX)

Season Premiere: The Gang kicks off Season 11 by referencing Season 7: A board-game company is interested in buying the utterly incomprehensible drinking game that Charlie, Dee, Mac and Dennis invented, the epic “Chardee MacDennis,” which includes—but is not limited to—booze chugging, dog kennels and emotional battery. Can they cooperate long enough to not blow the deal? Are you unfamiliar with The Greatest Comedy in the History of Television? Long live It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. CW Listen to Bill on Mondays at 8 a.m. on X96 Radio From Hell; weekly on the TV Tan podcast via iTunes and Stitcher.

| MUSIC | CINEMA | DINING | A&E | NEWS |

Cooper Barrett’s Guide to Surviving Life Sunday, Jan. 3 (Fox)

Undateable. Yes, I realize that anything is a thinky alternative to Undateable …

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

Series Debut: “It’s about time we did something about immigration—the Southwest belongs to retired art teachers and meth-lab entrepreneurs!” So begins Bordertown, the longlong-delayed animated comedy from Family Guy producer Mark Hentemann, with a cultural-consulting assistance from Lalo Alcaraz (La Cucharacha cartoonist) and Gustavo Arellano (Ask a Mexican columnist). Bordertown mashes-up the Tex-Mex sensibilities of King of the Hill with Family Guy’s rapid-fire absurdism, as well as equal-opportunity skewering of whitey-Latino relations and conservative/liberal agendas.

At the show’s center are Bud (voiced by Hank Azaria), a Fox News-loving ’Merican who works as a U.S. border agent in the desert town of Mexifornia, and Ernesto (Nicholas Gonzalez), his immigrant next-door neighbor who’s achieved more in a few years here than Bud has in his entire life—hell, even Bud’s boss is Mexican. Of all the comedies that have tried, and mostly failed, to capture the country’s modern dual-cultural reality (sorry, Trump), Bordertown comes closest to nailing it, hilariously and even-handedly. And, as if to remind you that Family Guy folks are involved, there’s a Philip Seymour Hoffman joke in the second episode that goes way too far. ¡Viva Bordertown!

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DECEMBER 24, 2015 | 37

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38 | DECEMBER 24, 2015

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Post-Xmas Gift Guide: Music Edition

MUSIC Zakk Wylde Figure ($25)

ZakkRevolver.com

Stumped on how to spend your gift cards and granny cash? Here’s help.

BY RANDY HARWARD rharward@cityweekly.net

Vincent Price Figure ($30)

I

f you picked up this copy of City Weekly on the day it came out, tomorrow is Christmas, aka The Great Annual Loot Re-Up. Since it’s easier than ever to cop out with a nice gift card, many of us end up with a stack. Also, even if cash someday goes away, grandmas everywhere still find a way to tuck fivers into cards for their sweet little cherubs, leading to another stack of nice, untraceable currency. Which is cool, ’cause then we can get what we really wanted. But maybe you’re one of those people that’s, I dunno, content or—eeeeeww—grateful.

You’ll let those gift cards pile up because, gosh, you can’t think of anything you need. Well, here—let me help you spend that stuff.

The Rolling Stones 12 X 5, Let It Bleed, Get Yer Ya-Ya’s Out LPs with LimitedEdition Lithographs ($200 each)

TimeLife.com/SpotlightGallery

What’s better than regular vinyl? The heavy stuff, or the kind with pictures or pretty colors.

What’s better than a fake autograph? A real one. But suppose the celebrity whose John Hancock you want is dead (or close to it), and also legendary, and living on another continent surrounded by a security team? Well, then, I guess a facsimile will do. Especially if it looks legit.

And boy, do these limited-edition Rolling Stones platters—on clear vinyl, with accompanying hand-numbered, museum-quality 20-inch by 24-inch (16-inch by 16-inch viewable) matted lithographs with sweet silver, stamped signatures from Mick, Keef, Bill, Charlie and even the late Brian Jones. Only 2,500 of each album were made, and they’ve already destroyed the plates. Get ’em while they’re hot!

The Gathering Storm: A Quartet in Several Parts ($50)

By Storm Thorgerson InsightEditions.com

Although Storm Thorgerson died in 2013, the acclaimed album-cover designer’s work is immortal. He created the iconic art for almost every Pink Floyd release, including Dark Side of the Moon, as well as Led Zeppelin’s Houses of the Holy, and scores of other noteworthy covers by The Mars Volta, Muse, the Catherine Wheel, XTC and the Wombats. The Gathering Storm posthumously collects many of these sublimely trippy images in this 272-page, 9 1/4-inch by 12-inch tome, along with Thorgerson’s thoughts on their creation. The text is scanty but engrossing, while the images are copious time-sinks. That’s because they’re almost all meticulously staged photos, not paintings. Realizing that means staring at each image and being captivated by Thorgerson’s imagination and genius.

VincentPriceFigure.com

You’re never too old for toys, no matter what your wife says. The way you justify them is to say they’re collectibles that grow in value the longer you hold on to them. Someday that 7-inch-tall Zakk Wylde bobblehead from Guitar Gods collectibles, of which only 1,500 were made, will be worth more than that piddly 401K. While you’re at it, pick up this Vincent Price figure from Rue Morgue RIPpers and be doubly enriched; if only you hadn’t opened it up and made it dance to “Thriller.”

Bloodshot SixPack To-Go: Working Songs for the Drinking Class ($35)

BloodshotRecords.com

The original insurgent country label Bloodshot Records is finally of drinking age! To celebrate their 21st birthday, the Chicago music purveyors are selling these six-packs of 7-inch records featuring songs about drinking by roster artists and acts on loan from other labels. The former group is represented by The Yawpers (“3 Days Sober”), Banditos’ (The Bad Lovers’ “Askin’ for Disaster”), Bobby Bare, Jr. (and one-time Bloodshot publicist-turned-singer of international renown, Kelly Hogan) and Nora O’Connor (The Blacks), who perform Ron Sexsmith’s “Me, Myself and Wine” under the name Lady Parts. The latter group features Deer Tick (The Pogues’ “If I Should Fall from Grace with God”), Dale Watson (Merle Haggard’s “The Bottle Never Let Me Down”), The Bad Lovers (Banditos’ “Still Sober After All These Beers”), Elizabeth Cook (the Dead Kennedys’ “Too Drunk To Fuck”), Robert Pollard (covering his old band’s “Drinker’s Peace”) and more. If you act now, the first 500 copies include a seventh record featuring Devil in a Woodpile (“Sloppy Drunk Blues”) and Tijuana Hercules (“Steppin & Steppin”). They call that a Chicago six-pack. CW

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DECEMBER 24, 2015 | 39

dj dance party

2013

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WED: TEXAS HOLD ‘EM - FREE 8PM

free karaoke w/ zimzam ent 8pm

enjoy food & drinks

(with beverage purchase)

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football on the big screens!

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$2016 JACKPOT!

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MUSIC

School of Rock

A local band’s quest to make the kids alright.

BY ALEX SPRINGER comments@cityweekly.net @captainspringer

F

or most adolescent students, a schoolwide assembly is little more than a reprieve from a long day of pretending that they give a damn about algebra.

They wander into the auditorium with their bleary-eyed apathy, fingers twitching to break out the smartphone to see what their friends are up to on Instagram. They’re not expecting it when Going Second, an alt-rock band from the Wasatch Front, cranks it up to 11 and gets them dancing in the aisles.

Going Second cut its teeth on the tour circuit, appearing at popular festivals like the Vans Warped Tour. In 2008, the band self-released Wake Up, a catchy, power-pop morsel that feels at home with the work of Secondhand Serenade and All Time Low. “It was fun, but it gets old playing for a bunch of drunk people in bars,” says lead guitarist Mike Crowder.

After a near-fatal bout with appendicitis in Tibet landed him in a Chinese military hospital, Crowder decided to use his musical abilities to make some kind of difference.

“I told Maria, my girlfriend at the time who is now my wife, that if I wake up, it’s a bonus life, and I’d rather spend it doing something that I believed in,” Crowder says.

To that end, Crowder founded Music Makes Music, an organization dedicated to promoting music programs in secondary schools, as well as providing students with resources to help prevent substance abuse and depression. As the only original member of Going Second, Crowder recruited some new blood in lead vocalist Ferril Davis, rhythm guitarist Keaton Stewart, bassist Chris Saul, drummer Nic Battad and light/sound tech Henry Castillo.

Together, Going Second visits schools all around the western United States to treat them to a welcome midday rock concert with an empowering message.

Going Second

“Teenagers look up to rock stars, but the messages that they hear the loudest are not necessarily the most positive,” Crowder says. “We come in with the same messages that parents and teachers have, but kids are more likely to listen because we’re a band.

It’s all in the presentation—the lights, the smoke and the lasers.”

The most resonant aspect of the Music Makes Music program is the inclusion of school music programs. “A month before we do a show, we send the mp3s and arrangements to the music teachers,” Crowder says. “It’s designed to get students on stage and make them rock stars for the day.” After each show, band members will spend the rest of their day in music classes answering questions and further educating students about their program. “We’re also happy to come speak to any class—all of our guys have different backgrounds, so we can say something in every single class,” Crowder says.

For schools that support the program, the results have been positive. According to exit interviews conducted after their shows, 68 percent of students claimed that they were less likely to get involved with drugs than they were beforehand. “Music also engages different areas of the brain,” Crowder says. “Without it, certain things don’t work as well. It helps with everything from creativity to problem solving to coordination and communication.”

In Crowder’s experience, it’s the schools that don’t have music or art programs that also have the highest rates of problems like violence, depression and substance abuse.

“As soon as you start taking away programs that give kids creative releases, it just stifles everything,” he says.

And what would any American rock band be without a merch booth? Members of Going Second have started a clothing line that can be perused online, and the Music Makes Music program is always accepting donations. Think of that bored high school student that we all were at one time—don’t you want to treat him or her to a mid-day rock concert? Check out MusicMakesMusic.org for more information. CW

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DECEMBER 24, 2015 | 41

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42 | DECEMBER 24, 2015

THIS WEEK’S MUSIC PICKS

This is NOT A Lounge Act! os Our Dueling Pian T O H g are Smokin

WWW.TAVERNACLE.COM

4760 S 900 E, SLC 801-590-9940 | facebook.com/theroyalslc

www.theroyalslc.com

❱ Bar | Nightclub | Music | Sports ❰

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wednesday 12/23

nfl jersey giveaway saturday 12/26

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3

bud tall boys

Live Music

the fingers

ft. Members of royal bliss & friends porch to porch young apollo sunday 12/27 and Monday 12/28 food and drink specials

nfl jersey giveaway

thursday 12/31

new year's eve w/ dj butch wolfthorn

saturday 1/2

Mannheim Steamroller, the musical vehicle of Omaha, Neb., producer/composer Chip Davis and compadres, has acheived the not inestimable task of adding to the dense and relatively impenetrable canon of holiday music groups that can be said to be “a tradition.”

A combination of dazzling musical virtousity, “fresh” arrangements (early albums were titled Fresh Aire I-IV) and compositions blending classical, rock and light jazz elements have made for an eminently listenable mixture that’s sold in the millions. Amid an extensive list of releases, their Christmas records, starting with the first in 1984, have been their audience’s overwhelming favorites.

Not one to give up on a winning formula, Steamroller (to aficionados, much as Motley Crüe devotees refer to “Crüe”) holiday album releases by now number in the double digits, and the group’s latest release, Mannheim Steamroller Live, captures 2014’s seasonal tour in Davis’ hometown on CD and DVD. It might seem a bit odd to go see the group a day or two after the actual holiday, but it just might be the best way to cap off the season, after the hustle and bustle is all over: Relax in a plush seat at the symphony hall and just breathe in the holiday in the form of music. (BS) Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple, 8 p.m., $50$68.50, MannheimSteamroller.com

Bandemonium 3

thousands of songs to choose from

half-off nachos

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Mannheim Steamroller

201 East 300 South, Salt Lake City

Thursday 12/24

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SAT 12.26

BRING THIS AD IN FOR FREE COVER BEFORE 12/31/15

KARAOKE

LIVE

COMPLETE LISTINGS ONLINE CITYWEEKLY.NET

american hitmen w/ berlin breaks

ALL SHOW TICKETS AVAILABLE AT SMITHSTIX OR AT THE ROYAL

What do you do when you have a show booked for the sleepiest time of the year?

You get creative. A couple of years back, Diabolical Records had a show planned for

Bandemonium 3

Dec. 26, and it fell through. To replace it, they put a bunch of local musicians in groups with people from others bands, and told them to perform 10-15 minute sets of music, whether it was new original stuff or improv. It was such a success that they made it an annual event. Two weeks ago, 45 musicians from bands like JAWWZZ!, Foster Body, Chalk, Passive Tourist, Baby Girl and “many non-musicians” entered their names to participate. From that talent pool, Diabolical’s Alana Boscan and Adam Tye will, by a random drawing, form nine bands performing one-time-only 5-to-15-minute sets.

“This is the show,” says Diabolical Records on their Facebook page. “Come experience the weirdness!” Note: They also say that, although the show is scheduled to start at 7 p.m., “it may start earlier.” (RH) Diabolical Records, 238 S. Edison St., 7 p.m., free, Facebook.com/DiabolicalRecords

MON 12.28

Spirit Tribe

“Salt Lake Shitty Psychedelic Rock Band,” as they call themselves on their Facebook page, local band Spirit Tribe plays Kilby Court a couple of weeks after their last visit, and a little over a month after the release of their first full-length album A Common Tragedy.

Recorded at local nonprofit studio Midnight Records, the album finds them having much in common with other outfits in the “Psych Lake City” local psychedelic music scene, with whom they often share the bill at performances. Songs like “American Illusion/ Green God” show off their political leanings, as does their “R. Nixon” EP, cover art displaying the late ex-prez tinted in glaring neon colors.

The mellifluous vocals and ambling, bluesy sound hearken back to ‘60s practi-

Mannheim Steamroller tioners of the psych genre, but as a young band with very recent recordings, they both demonstrate themselves as quite capable of taking advantage of the recording process and having some room to grow and develop their ideas, and a distinct voice among the crowd. In the meantime, they are an entertaining band to watch, and the resurgence of psychedelic music is a healthy development in a time-honored rock & roll tradition. With Baker Street Blues Band and Breezeways.

(BS) Kilby Court, 741 S. 330 West, 7 p.m., $6, KilbyCourt.com

Spirit Tribe

SOME PEOPLE GET ALL THE BREAKS...

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Tuesday

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Wednesday

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Call us to book your Holiday Party or Event 801-987-3354 - 11274 Kestrel Rise - S. Jordan, Ut Full Liquor Licence - Full House Every Night

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TUE – FRI 11AM TO 7PM • SAT 10AM TO 6PM • CLOSED SUN & MON LIKE US ON OR VISIT WWW.RANDYSRECORDS.COM • 801.532.4413

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DECEMBER 24, 2015 | 43

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44 | DECEMBER 24, 2015

LIVE

WED 12.30

Giraffula; Max Pain & the Groovies; Lost, The Artist; Chris the Redeemer

Finally, an artist ideally tailored for those indie rock posters featuring cutesy animals! Salt Laker Seth Cook, aka Giraffula, known for his experimental electronic music performances featuring cheesy keyboards, kitchy samples and, oh, yes, animal-head masks. Despite (or perhaps because of) the geeky-artsy trappings, there is some real artfulness, subtlety and tastefulness in his use of loops and effects. His album is fittingly titled Smile and Wave.

Max Pain & the Groovies is one of the preeminent bands in the local psychedelic music scene, as well as former City Weekly Music Awards winner. Local hip-hop duo Lost, the Artist has been touring the Western U.S., and the seasoning effect of the road has refined their art. Chris Washington (aka Chris the Redeemer) raps about the local hood on “Sherman Ave.,” as well as other germane topics.

The show might serve as a pre-party for New Year’s Eve festivities the night after, as

Giraffula

well as a mini-showcase celebrating some idiosyncratic (read “quirky”) standouts among the local music scene. (BS) Urban Lounge, 241 S. 500 East, 8 p.m., $3, TheUrbanLoungeSLC.com

A RELAXED GENTLEMAN’S CLUB DA I LY L U N C H S P E C I A L S POOL, FOOSBALL & GAMES

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new year's Eve party W/ DJ LATU RING IN 2016, PIG STYLE! STEAK & LOBSTER DINNER $45 PER COUPLE ($25 SINGLE)

854 South State Street 801-532-9002

Weeknights

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

2

Pins & Ales

monday

Tracee Metcalf & Ben Burwell

tuesday

LOCAL NIGHTS OUT

Monday @ 8pm

breaking bingo

wednesday

THE TRIVIA FACTORY 7PM

Every sunday ADULT TRIVIA 7PM

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Jinelle Chard & Becky Pollish

Great food 5 lunch special

MONDAY - FRIDAY

| CITY WEEKLY |

wednesdays @ 8pm

$

geeks who drink

$

10 brunch buffet

SATURDAYS FROM 11AM-2PM

live music sunday afternoons & evenings

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Courtney Cutshaw & John Young, Meghan Schooley & Jared MacKay

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DECEMBER 24, 2015 | 45

12 sunday funday brunch

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801.484.6692 I slctaproom.com

| MUSIC | CINEMA | DINING | A&E | NEWS |

OUR FAMOUS OPEN BLUES JAM WITH WEST TEMPLE TAILDRAGGERS

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46 | DECEMBER 24, 2015

SATURDAY 12.26

CONCERTS & CLUBS

The Fingers

Royal Bliss

Calling The Fingers three-fifths of Royal Bliss makes them sound like the beginnings of a monster hangover, especially since they’re playing the day after Christmas. Instead, think of Jake Smith, Taylor Richards and Neal Middleton as three fingers, like three fingers of scotch, which is more manageable—but still results in a good party. There’s precious little music to hear from the group—just one YouTube clip from 2012—but it’s mellow and vibey, perfect for the lull between holidays. Middleton calls it “folk alternative” and says The Fingers exist “mainly for fun, but we do want to release something in the future.” There’s not even a band photo yet, but Middleton says, “…get creative. Maybe give us our album cover. Ha-ha.” (Randy Harward) The Royal, 4760 S. 900 East, 9 p.m., $5 day of, TheRoyalSLC.com

CITY WEEKLY’S HOT LIST FOR THE WEEK

CONCERTS & CLUBS THURSDAY 12.24 LIVE MUSIC

Los Hellcaminos (The Spur Bar & Grill)

New Years Party Free Party Favors Champagne Toast at Midnight DJ Pookie No Cover

EVENTS

Reggae Thursday! (The Woodshed) Sugarhouse Xmas Bash (Liquid Joe’s)

DJ

DJ

Chaseone2 (Gracie’s Bar) DJ Dizzy D (Club 90) DJ Latu (Green Pig) DJ Scooter + DJ Juggy (Downstairs) DJ Sneaky Long (Twist) Flash & Flare (The Urban Lounge)

KARAOKE & PIANO LOUNGE

Chaseone2 (Gracie’s Bar) Hot Noise & Guest DJ Thursday (The Red Door)

Karaoke (Willie’s Lounge)

KARAOKE & PIANO LOUNGE

Joy Spring Band (Jazz) (Sugarhouse Coffee)

Karaoke (Willie’s Lounge)

FRIDAY 12.25 LIVE MUSIC

Kaleb Austin (The Westerner Club) Live Music at the Forklift (Snowbird Resort) The Traveling Dingleberries (Spur Bar & Grill)

DJ

Après Ski + DJ Gawel + DJ Dolph (Gracie’s Bar) Enjoy the Bassline Friday (The Red Door)

KARAOKE & PIANO LOUNGE Karaoke (Willie’s Lounge)

SATURDAY 12.26 LIVE MUSIC

Open Christmas Day @ 5pm

(The Urban Lounge)

Backwash (The Hog Wallow) BANDEMONIUM 3! (Diabolical Records) p. 42 Crook & The Bluff (Johnny’s on Second) Joy Spring Band (Sugarhouse Coffee) Live Music at The Aerie (Snowbird Resort) Live Music at Wildflower (Iron Blosam Lodge) Mannheim Steamroller (Abravanel Hall ) p. 42 Live Trio Saturday (The Red Door) Pistol Rock (The Spur Bar & Grill) The Spazmatics (Liquid Joe’s) The Fingers (The Royal) p. 46 VNDMG + Balance + Sosay + Chris Wright

OPEN MIC & JAM

KARAOKE & LOUNGE

Dueling Pianos (The Spur Bar and Grill) Karaoke (A Bar Named Sue) Karaoke Bingo (The Tavernacle) Karaoke That Doesn’t Suck (The Woodshed)

SUNDAY 12.27 LIVE MUSIC

Live Bluegrass (Club 90) Live Jazz Brunch (Club 90) Live Music at El Chanate (Snowbird Resort) Michelle Moonshine (Garage on Beck) Talia Keys (Alta Peruvian Lodge)

MONDAY 12.28 LIVE MUSIC

God Damn Hooligans (The Spur Bar & Grill) Open Blues Band (The Green Pig) Spirit Tribe + Baker Street Blues Band + Breezeway (Kilby Court) p. 42

KARAOKE & PIANO LOUNGE

Dueling Pianos (The Spur Bar & Grill) Karaoke (A Bar Named Sue on Highland) Karaoke (Piper Down) Karaoke (Poplar Street Pub) Karaoke Church (Club Jam) Karaoke That Doesn’t Suck (The Woodshed)

OPEN MIC & JAM

CITY WEEKLY’S HOT LIST FOR THE WEEK COMPLETE LISTINGS ONLINE @ CITYWEEKLY.NET

CONCERTS & CLUBS Open Blues Jam (The Green Pig) Monday Night Jazz Session (Gracie’s Bar)

Karaoke (Keys on Main) Karaoke with ZimZam Ent (Club 90)

TUESDAY 12.29

WEDNESDAY 12.30

LIVE MUSIC

LIVE MUSIC

Donner Pass (The Spur Bar & Grill) Hell Jam (Devil’s Daughter) Nate Robinson Quartet (Gracie’s) Rumble Gums + Comanche + Giants in the Oak Tree (Kilby Court)

OPEN MIC & JAM

Open Mic (Alchemy Coffee) Open Mic Night (The Royal) Open Mic Night (Velour) Open Mic Night (The Wall) Whistling Rufus (Sugarhouse Coffee)

KARAOKE & PIANO LOUNGE Karaoke (The Woodshed)

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COMING SOON Jan 27: FREE SHOW Beach Cops Jan 28: Rebecca Russell Jan 29: COORS PRESENTS Cherokee Jan 30: Flash & Flare Jan 31: The Knocks Feb 13: Metalachi Feb 16: Earphunk Mar 5: Prince Fox & Stelouse Mar 11: El Ten Eleven

Mar 12: Ty Segall & The Muggers Mar 19: Rob Crow’s Gloomy Place Apr 3: Ra Ra Riot Apr 13: Matthew Logan Vasquez of Delta Spirit Apr 15: The Cave Singers Apr 17: Cloud Cult Apr 29: Napalm Death & Melvins May 19: Sticky Fingers

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DECEMBER 24, 2015 | 47

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Join us at Rye Diner and Drinks for dinner and craft cocktails before, during and after the show. Late night bites 6pm-midnight Monday through Saturday and brunch everyday of the week. Rye is for early birds and late owls and caters to all ages www.ryeslc.com

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48 | DECEMBER 24, 2015

WEDNESDAY 12.30

CONCERTS & CLUBS

The Anchorage

In the world of musical micro-niches, Salt Lake City band The Anchorage might have tapped into something with the highly nuanced notion of alternative ska. A half-decade ago, they cobbled together a lineup from the refuse of several other local ska bands either dormant or defunct.

It might have sounded like sonic remnants, but they stitched together a rhythmic unity to create a whole greater than the sum of its parts— especially the one-two punch of Erik Vorkink on trumpet and trombonist Evan Wharton. Their sound is surprisingly dense without being “skattered,” you might say. The outfit likes to add its own unique spin to cover songs, including “Dead Man’s Party.” Download their version of “Feliz Navidad” free at TheAnchorage.bandcamp.com. Pelicants and Quiet Oaks open.

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@

Š 2015

BY DAVID LEVINSON WILK

ACROSS

1. Tall, dark or handsome: Abbr.

2. Overly 3. Suffix with planet 4. Teeming with 5. Swelling treatment 6. Sch. group 7. Goof 8. Pop star Estefan 9. Life sketch 10. 1969 Nabokov novel 11. Tattle (on)

55. Remove gear from, as a ship 58. Family nickname 59. Navy VIP 60. Co. bigwig 61. Laugh syllable 62. Audrey Hopburn or Honey Boo Brew 63. 1969 "bed-in" participant 64. Elevs.

65. Silence fillers 66. "You wish, laddie!"

Last week’s answers

No math is involved. The grid has numbers, but nothing has to add up to anything else. Solve the puzzle with reasoning and logic. Solving time is typically 10 to 30 minutes, depending on your skill and experience.

DOWN

12. Not just "a" 13. Rihanna's first #1 Billboard single 18. Cold war foe, slangily 19. Sharon of "Boston Public" 22. Grease dissolver 23. ____ Kippur 24. Trash can, to a Londoner 25. Farm fraction 26. High fever in Ancient Rome?

27. "Property Virgins" cable channel 28. Come into some money, maybe 29. Author of the 2015 bestselling novel "Go Set a Watchman" 30. 34th pres.

35. 1972 treaty subj.

38. 1/24 of a day 39. "____ and Michele's High School Reunion" (1997 comedy) 40. Sammy Davis Jr.'s "____ Can" 41. Belongs 42. ____ degree 43. "You ____ My Sunshine" 46. Wedded 47. Suffix with lion 49. Commoner 50. Poet who gave us "carpe diem" 52. Breakfast container 53. Kickback of a kind

Complete the grid so that each row, column, diagonal and 3x3 square contain all of the numbers 1 to 9.

1. It released its 2600 system in 1977 6. Identify 9. "What to Expect When ____ Expecting" ("The Simpsons" episode) 14. Kind of column 15. MTV show that last aired in 2008 16. Only U.S. state whose state seal was designed by a woman 17. "We Were the Mulvaneys" author 20. "Game of Thrones" network 21. Natural resource 22. Inductee in both the National Women's Hall of Fame and National Abolition Hall of Fame 31. "Bust a Move" rapper 32. In a row 33. Mayhem on the far left and far right?

34. Radio host Glass 36. "With this ring ____ wed" 37. Area, in inches, of a standard index card (or an apt description of 17-, 22-, 54- or 58-Across) 42. Home planet of Jar Jar Binks 44. "If it were up to ____ would ..."

45. Sturgeon yield 48. Bring home the gold 51. Panties with wide legs 54. Host of PBS' "Finding Your Roots" 56. Follower of directions?

57. 1982 Donald Fagen hit 58. Actor who, in character in a 2006 trailer, says "My country send me to United States to make movie-film. Please, come and see my film.

If it not success, I will be execute."

67. Perfect 68. The Reds, on scoreboards 69. Extreme 70. Gooey campfire treat 71. Psyche component 72. So last year

SUDOKU

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

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50 | DECEMBER 24, 2015

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s temperatures outside drop, people look for cozy indoor activities. What about the fiber arts? If knitting and crocheting strike your fancy, you will love Blazing Needles. This charming little Blazing Needles is a welcoming place to come for shop tucked away near the Yalecrest and 9th & 9th neighborhoods sells yarn, friendship and a sense of community. all the necessities for the craftsman/ politics to knitting patterns. craftswoman supporting a serious knitting “There are a few older ladies I have habit. But, more than that, it has become a claimed as ‘adopted grandmas,’” she says. “I unique community gathering place for knitlove talking to them about how the world has ters of all levels and styles. changed since they were young.”

“Blazing Needles is a very special place New to the knitting scene? Don’t worry. because it provides a community where Blazing Needles offers free classes for beginknitters and crocheters can come for inspiners every Saturday from 10:30 a.m.-noon ration, help and friendship,” manager Emily where employees teach new knitters how to Dages writes. “It’s the kind of place where make a hat. “The class is free,” she says. “You people of all backgrounds can gather tojust need to purchase yarn and needles, and gether and form friendships over a common we will have you on your way to becoming a interest. Not many public spaces like that knitter,” writes Dages. “It is perfect for total exist anymore, and it is really inspiring to newbies, as well as people who have knit in see the community that the owner Cynthia the past and want to get back into the craft.” has built here.”

Blazing Needles also regularly hosts Blazing Needles prides itself on creating trunk shows—a collection of sweaters, hats, the sort of space where customers come in scarves and other items that have been knit if they’re having the best day of their life, up so that people can see and try on garknowing that the employees will most likely ments before knitting them. “We love trunk have a bottle of champagne ready to open— shows, because it is an opportunity to see or pop in on a bad day for sympathy and beautiful hand-knits up close—and we get advice. “We are always ready to help with to have fun trying everything on the day it anything you need, from dropped stitches arrives,” says Dages. Check out Blazing Neeto help networking to finding a new job,” dles online to see when the next trunk show Dages writes. “We love it when a new cusis scheduled.n tomer comes in and says, ‘I think I’ve found my people!’”

Dages has worked for Blazing Needles for a year and a half and loves the people she 1365 S. 1100 East gets to work with—both her co-workers and 801-487-5648 the customers. “I sometimes joke that I feel Monday-Wednesday, 10 a.m.-7 p.m. like a bartender, because we have regular customers who come in all the time, and Thursday, 10 a.m.-9 p.m.

I know a lot about what is going on in their Friday, 10 a.m.-6 p.m. lives,” she says. Dages knows her customers Saturday & Sunday, noon-5 p.m. by name, knows what they like to knit, and Blazing-Needles.com loves talking to them about everything from

Blazing Needles welcomes everyone into its community, regardless of age, gender or crocheting-vs.-knitting preference.

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DECEMBER 24, 2015 | 51

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| COMMUNITY | | CITYWEEKLY.NET |

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May your days be merry and bright. n

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY B Y R O B

B R E Z S N Y

Go to RealAstrology.com for Rob Brezsny’s expanded weekly audio horoscopes and daily text-message horoscopes.

Audio horoscopes also available by phone at 877-873-4888 or 900-950-7700.

ARIES (March 21-April 19) The raw materials you have at your disposal in 2016 may sometimes seem limited. You might not have access to all the tools you wish you did. You could be tempted to feel envy about the vaster resources other people can draw on. But I honestly don’t think these apparent inhibitions will put you at a disadvantage. Within your smaller range of options, there will be all the possibilities you need. In fact, the constraints could stimulate your creativity in ways that would have never occurred if you’d had more options.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20) You know what physical hygiene is. But are you familiar with imaginal hygiene? Educator Morgan Brent defines it like this: “Imaginal hygiene is the inner art of self-managing the imagination, to defend it from forces that compromise, pollute, colonize, shrink and sterilize it, and to cultivate those that illuminate, expand and nourish it.” It’s always important for everyone to attend to this work, but it’s especially crucial for you to focus on it in 2016. You will be exceptionally creative, and therefore likely to generate long-lasting effects and influences out of the raw materials that occupy your imagination.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20) Your mind sometimes works too hard and fast for your own good.

But mostly it’s your best asset. Your versatility can sometimes be a curse, too, but far more often it’s a blessing. Your agile tongue and flexible agenda generate more fun than trouble, and so do your smooth maneuvers and skillful gamesmanship. As wonderful as all these qualities can be, however, I suggest that you work on expanding your scope in 2016. In my astrological opinion, it will be a good time for you to study and embody the magic that the water signs possess. What would that mean exactly? Start this way: Give greater respect to your feelings. Tune in to them more, encourage them to deepen and figure out how to trust them as sources of wisdom.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) The coming year will be a favorable time for you to nourish a deeper devotion to truth, beauty and goodness. Anything you do to make your morality more rigorous will generate benefits that ripple through your life for years to come. Curiously, you can add to the propitious effect by also cultivating a deeper devotion to fun, play and pleasure. There is a symbiotic connection between the part of you that wants to make the world a better place and the part of you that thrives on joy, freedom and wonder. Here’s the magic formula: Feed your lust for life by being intensely compassionate, and vice versa.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) I predict that 2016 will be your Year of Fruitful Obsessions. In giving this positive spin to the cosmic tendencies, I’m hoping to steer you away from any behavior that might lead to 2016 being your Year of Fruitless Obsessions. One way or another, I think you’ll be driven to express your passions with singleminded intensity. Focused devotion—sometimes verging on compulsive preoccupation—is likely to be one of your signature qualities. That’s why it’s so important to avoid wasteful infatuations and confounding manias. Please choose fascinations that are really good for you.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) Your symbol of power in 2016 will be the equal sign (=). Visualize it in your mind’s eye every morning for 20 seconds. Tattoo it on your butt. Write it on an index card that you keep under your pillow or on your bathroom mirror. Gestures like these will deliver highly relevant messages to your subconscious mind, like “Create balance and cultivate harmony!” and “Coordinate opposing forces!” and “Wherever there is tension between two extremes, convert the tension into vital energy!” Here are your words of power in 2016: “symbiosis” and “synergy.”

DECEMBER 24, 2015 | 53

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) Many of the atoms that compose your flesh and blood were not part of your body 12 months ago. That’s because every year, 98 percent of you is replaced. Old cells are constantly dying, giving way to new cells that are made from the air, food and water you ingest. This is true about everyone, of course. You’re not the only one whose physical form is regularly recycled. But here’s what will be unique about you in 2016: Your soul will match your body’s rapid transformations. In fact, the turnover is already underway. By your next birthday, you may be so new you’ll barely recognize yourself. I urge you to take full charge of this opportunity! Who do you want to become?

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) In 1803, the U.S. government bought a huge chunk of North American land from the French government. At a price of three cents per acre, the new republic doubled its size, acquiring what’s now Louisiana, Montana and everything between. I don’t think you’ll add that much to your domain in 2016, Sagittarius, but it’s likely you will expand significantly. And although your new resources won’t be as cheap as the 1803 bargain, I suspect the cost, both in terms of actual cash and in emotional energy, will be manageable. There’s one way your acquisition will be better than that earlier one. The Americans bought and the French sold land they didn’t actually own—it belonged to the native people—whereas your moves will have full integrity.

| COMMUNITY |

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) Avoid pain and pursue pleasure. Be kind, not cruel. Abstain from self-pity and ask for the help you need. Instead of complaining, express gratitude. Dodge time-wasting activities and do things that are meaningful to you. Shun people who disrespect you and seek the company of those who enjoy you. Don’t expose yourself to sickening, violent entertainment; fill your imagination up with uplifting stories. Does the advice I’m offering in this horoscope seem overly simple and obvious? That’s no accident.

In my opinion, what you need most in 2016 is to refresh your relationship with fundamental principles.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) My old friend John owns a 520-acre farm in Oregon’s Willamette Valley. Blueberries are among the crops he grows. If he arranges their growing season so that they ripen in July, he can sell them for $1.75 per pint. But if he designs them to be ready for harvest in late summer and early fall, the price he gets may go up to $4 per pint. You can guess which schedule he prefers. I urge you to employ a similar strategy as you plot your game plan for 2016, Scorpio.

Timing may not be everything, but it will count for a lot.

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

CANCER (June 21-July 22) Swedish movie director Ingmar Bergman won three Academy Awards and was nominated for eight others. Numerous filmmakers have cited him as an important influence on their work. His practical success was rooted in his devotion to the imagination. “I am living permanently in my dream, from which I make brief forays into reality,” he said.

Can you guess his astrological sign? Cancer the Crab, of course! No other tribe is better suited at moving back and forth between the two worlds. At least potentially, you are virtuosos at interweaving fantasy with earthy concerns. The coming year will afford you unprecedented opportunities to further develop and use this skill.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) The English word “ain’t” can mean “am not,” “is not,” “are not” or “have not.” But it ain’t recognized as a standard word in the language. If you use it, you risk being thought vulgar and uneducated. And yet “ain’t” has been around since 1706, more than 300 years. Most words that are used for so long eventually become official. I see your journey in 2016 as having resemblances to the saga of “ain’t,” Libra. You will meet resistance as you seek greater acceptance of some nonstandard but regular part of your life. Here’s the good news: Your chances of ultimately succeeding are much better than ain’t’s.

| COMMUNITY | | CITYWEEKLY.NET |

54 | DECEMBER 24, 2015

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A Furry Little Christmas T

his year, my office opted to collect items for shelters—animal shelters. The holidays can be hell on pets. Between strangers coming in and out of the house and the parties, the overall chaos of the season can make a pet miserable. So, besides supporting your favorite animal charity, here are some things you can do to help your own pets have a happy holiday: 1. Make sure your pet have some private space. If friends or family come over and the animal gets too weirded out, gently lead them to their happy space and get them out of the crowd. If your place is too damned small, see what you can do in the back yard for your pets.

Maybe you can’t afford a dog house or a cat cottage, but you can MacGyver a lean-to with some dry bedding for them.

2. Holiday décor is baaaaaad for pets. They want to play with your balls and ornaments, eat your poinsettias and mistletoe, and help unwrap presents for you beneath the tree. All of the festive crap you have around is most likely dangerous. Many plants are toxic if pets eat them or rub against them. Ribbons, hooks, glass ornaments and tinsel make for bad toys.

Be careful where you put your decorations so tiny paws can’t reach them.

3. Water under fresh-cut Christmas trees can cause digestive problems in animals if they lap it up while you’re not looking. Sometimes it contains chemicals to help keep the tree fresh longer. Cover the stand so pets can’t get to the liquid. Also, if your pets live outside, make sure they have plenty of water and that it’s in a liquid state, not frozen.

4. In general, leftovers and holiday food in general are not great for your pets. One year, I had a friend take care of my golden lab, Parker. My friend made hand-dipped chocolates as holiday treats for her family. Sadly, Parker ate the chocolates while she was at work, and it almost killed him. Onions are bad for cats and dogs, as is garlic powder. And chicken bones are not the only bones to look out for—turkey and ham bones also are brittle and can cause choking from splinters, and even death.

If you want to donate to your local shelter this season, know that they need money, animal toys, canned low-salt chicken and beef broth, blankets and towels, leashes, crates, litter, poop bags, Kongs, peanut butter, canned pumpkin, canned and dry animal food, treats and medications. Anything your fur-babies like or need, our local homeless pets need, too. The shelters in your town are always asking for help on behalf of our furry friends. Here’s wishing you and yours a Fleas Navidad and a Barky New Year! n Content is prepared expressly for Community and is not by City Weekly staff

Babs De Lay

Julie A. Brizzée Loan Officer 801-747-1206 julie@brizzee.net www.brizzee.net

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DECEMBER 24, 2015 | 55

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