City Weekly March 10, 2016 by Copperfield Publishing

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2 | MARCH 10, 2016

CWCONTENTS COVER STORY JUST DIVORCED

Navigating the twists and turns of uncoupling in Utah Cover photo illustration by Mason Rodrickc

14 4 LETTERS 6 OPINION 8 NEWS 18 A&E 24 DINE 30 CINEMA 33 TRUE TV 34 MUSIC 51 COMMUNITY

CONTRIBUTOR

CAROLYN CAMPBELL Cover Story, p. 14 Carolyn Campbell has been writing for City Weekly since the 1980s. She has published more than 800 articles locally and nationally. Her articles have won awards from the Society of Professional Journalists chapters in Utah and Colorado.

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LETTERS Polygamy Law Dumbest Idea Ever

Back in the bad old days before the U.S. Supreme Court’s ruling in Obergefell v. Hodges, many opponents of samesex marriage warned us that if it became legal, polygamy would be next. They were—some no doubt for the first time in their lives—right. Polygamy is, as it should be, next. In 2013, a federal judge struck down part of Utah’s ban on marriages of more than two in a case involving the Brown family from the reality TV show Sister Wives. The ruling didn’t require the state to issue “marriage licenses” to more than two partners, but it did invalidate the rule against cohabitation of those partners. On March 2, Utah’s House of Representatives attempted to resuscitate the ban, passing a bill that, if it makes it through the Senate and past the governor’s desk and over the inevitable court challenge hurdles, would punish cohabiting parties of more than two who say they are married. Yes, you read that right. No, it’s never going to pass constitutional muster. If you get in a car and take off down the road without a driver’s license, you’re still driving. If you get married without a marriage license, you’re still married. A law forbidding you to mention that you’re driving, or that you’re married, belongs on the list of dumbest ideas ever. What does it mean to be married? For many, marriage has religious features, but those vary. At bottom, marriage is a contractual arrangement that has evolved, just like ev-

WRITE US: Salt Lake City Weekly, 248 S. Main, Salt Lake City, UT 84101. Email: comments@cityweekly.net. Fax: 801-575-6106. We reserve the right to edit for length and clarity. Preference will be given to letters that are 300 words or less and sent uniquely to City Weekly. Full name, address and phone number must be included, even on emailed submissions, for verification purposes. ery other kind of contractual arrangement, in many directions over millennia. Government control of the possible permutations of such arrangements is neither necessary, nor desirable, nor morally defensible. In fact, marriage licensing appeared in the mid-19th century in the United States for the specific purpose of enabling states to ban interracial marriage. It’s one of the last and most stubborn remnants of Jim Crow. It’s time to bring an end to that era of darkness. The developing fight over polygamy is custom-made to hasten that outcome. The more complex marriage becomes, the less workable one-size-fits-all licensing schemes become. Libertarian science-fiction author Robert Heinlein envisioned a future in which various forms of marriage flourish, allowing families to conserve capital over centuries instead of mere decades and create perpetual rather than temporary legacies to support their descendants. We’re standing in the doorway of that future. Time to step through.

THOMAS L. KNAPP

to the reclusive population. We cannot make everyone fit in that comfortable mold created by our imaginations, nor can we reach out to those who do not want our help, unless it is a time of their choosing. Free agency and the law may be the only guidelines for volunteers of bad choice. Of course, we want to love all people here in the shadow of the “everlasting hills, ” but it’s all about choice. Dark’s article was also very timely, released days before a major bust in one of the “no-tell motels.” I hope City Weekly appreciates the skill Dark lends to its publication.

BARBARA SADLER Magna

Correction: Spitz is one of a small number of döner-kebab eateries of the same name located in California and Utah. “That’s a Wrap” [March 3, City Weekly] indicated the restaurant was based only in Utah.

Gainsville, Fla.

STAFF

It’s All About Choices

Stephen Dark’s “No Vagrancy?” [Feb. 18, City Weekly] was an exceptional story, composed from every point of view— good and evil. There will always be a portion of our society that chooses to survive undetected on the delicate fringe. This was a story that needed telling, and Dark did justice

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Contributors CECIL ADAMS, KIMBALL BENNION, KATHARINE BIELE, MISSY BIRD, ROB BREZSNY, CAROLYN CAMPBELL, BABS DE LAY, ERIC ETHINGTON, BILL FROST, MARYANN JOHANSON, MICHELLE LARSON, SHAWNA MEYER, WESTIN PORTER, TED SCHEFFLER, CHUCK SHEPHERD, ZAC SMITH, BRIAN STAKER, JOHN TAYLOR, ANDREW WRIGHT

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Circulation Manager LARRY CARTER Salt Lake City Weekly is published every Thursday by Copperfield Publishing Inc. The Salt Lake City Weekly is an independent publication dedicated to alternative news and news sources, and serves as a comprehensive entertainment guide. 50,000 copies of the Salt Lake City Weekly are free of charge at more than 1,800 locations along the Wasatch Front, limit one copy per reader. Additional copies of the paper may be purchased for $1 (Best of Utah and other special issues, $5) payable to the Salt Lake City Weekly in advance. No person, without expressed permission of Copperfield Publishing Inc., may take more than one copy of any Salt Lake City Weekly issue. No portion of the Salt Lake City Weekly may be reproduced in whole or part by any means, including electronic retrieval systems, without the written permission of the Publisher. Third-Class postage paid at Midvale, UT. Delivery may take one week. All Rights Reserved. ®

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PRIVATE EY

Some Thanks

One of the greatest letters I ever got from a reader only had nine words. Each was hand-written in the scratchy, wobbly penmanship of an elderly or very young person. I can’t say if the sender was indeed elderly or young, or if someone were trying to disguise the text to look as if that were so. There was no return address on the envelope that contained the letter and what was addressed to me was typewritten. It was so James Bondish, I had the letter and the envelope framed and for the past dozen years or so, hanging right at my office door entry, it’s greeted every visitor to my office. The letter reads: “Dear John Saltas. Please stay in Greece. Thank you.” I had been in Greece for several weeks and wrote some columns from there. It was no surprise, really. Greeks have been told by their loving Utah neighbors since the day they arrived to go back home. Even 100 years after my grandparents “got off the boat,” some Utahns just can’t accept that the state is better off for them and their thousands of fellow Greek immigrants who helped make it so. It’s better off, too, because the Italians came (Tony and Joe Caputo—one a deli-Jedi master, the other, his cousin, a decorated Vietnam Marine and occasional softball player). Or because the Slavs came (Croatian Ron Yengich, Utah’s best known criminal-defense attorney, and Serb Mike Dmitrich, long a stalwart on Capitol Hill—a Carbon County icon). Or the Japanese (state Rep. Curt Oda, whom I seldom agree with, or Wat Misaka, member of the University of Utah’s 1947 NIT championship team and father of the graceful dancer, Tina). Or the Mexicans (the Cardenas family of Red Iguana fame, the three Bingham boys who died in Vietnam—Jimmy Martinez, Tommy Gonzales, and LeRoy Tafoya—plus Utah Reps. Rebecca Chavez-Houck and Mark Archuleta Wheatley). And the Basques. The Germans. The Austrians. The Scandinavians. The Polynesians. The Vietnamese. The Chinese. The Somalis. The Iranians. The Lebanese (Raffi—yea, Cedars of Lebanon). And all the

rest—too many to properly credit. Yes, Utah is simply a better fabric because of all of them, all of us. I’m reminded of this today, thanks to a particularly orthogonal piece of information. The day’s top news story is that Utah State Sen. Mark Madsen has announced he is leaving Utah after this legislative session ends. Madsen sponsored a medical-marijuana bill that was summarily executed yesterday by the House Health and Human Services Committee that is comprised of members so heartless they are said to be the echo inside the Tin Man of Oz’ empty chest. And echo they do. When their master said to vote no, they did so. We can be gamey here and pretend they are independent thinkers, but they are not. We can also be coy and pretend we don’t know who their master is, but we will not. Madsen’s bill died in committee because the LDS Church wanted it to die in committee. Everyone knows that from the wheezing, crippled and pain-ridden people who have found relief by ingesting—most often illegally, thank you very much—medical-marijuana products, or even smoking very illegally the weed itself, all the way down to the committee members themselves who voted against the public will, cowards that they be: Stewart Barlow, Melvin Brown, Michael Kennedy, Kay McIff, Paul Ray, Edward Redd, Robert Spendlove and Norman Thurston. It should not surprise you that each is a “let them die and let God sort it out” Republican. Voting in favor of the bill were the committee’s only two Democrats, Rebecca ChavezHouck and Sandra Hollins. They were joined by the two bravest men in Utah today, Craig Hall and Raymond Ward, both Republicans, who voted in favor of doing the honorable thing, voted for their ailing constituents and voted to at least give medical marijuana the same regard as Utah’s burgeoning fake health juice and supplement business. To be fair to

STAFF BOX

B Y J O H N S A LTA S

Readers can comment at cityweekly.net

@johnsaltas

the cowardly eight, let’s just suppose that they know something we don’t, like, they are just biding time to get all their stock shell companies in order so that when medical marijuana does become legal, they will properly benefit financially. They will say the feds are in the way. Don’t believe it. They are in the way. So, what does this have to do with Madsen moving? This: Utah is indeed much better off because of the many immigrants who came here and helped build our state. But it could have been better. Many thousands of others left long before it came to this—sick of kowtowing to the local culture, tired of the smirks, the remarks, the phony and smug religiosity of too many locals. They moved to make better lives for themselves in cities as disparate as Modesto, where many Utah Greeks would build great farms and vineyards; to Chicago, where books would be written by Harry Mark Petrakis; to Washington, D.C., where members of the Manatos and Korologos families became national political game changers. When Madsen leaves, Utah will be worse off. Utah needs people like Madsen to stay, not leave. He’s embittered and to that, Utahns who have been excluded or shunned can totally relate—because for the first time in his life, he wears their shoes. I may not even agree with Madsen—who historically is no stranger to self-righteousness—I just know he fought a gallant fight. One of the most personal ever witnessed on Capitol Hill. He fought the machine. The machine doesn’t like that. Join the club. Maybe he’ll get rich in South American or wherever starting his very own marijuana farm and, if he does, more power to him. He’ll taste his first bowl of outsider stew and, maybe one day, he’ll get a letter that says, “Dear Mark Madsen. Please stay in Uruguay. Thank you.” CW Send comments to john@cityweekly.net

Have you ever felt Utah was such a terrible place, you wanted to move? If so, where to? Nicole Enright: This winter, I decided I hate winter. It would be awesome to live next to Disneyland where it’s mostly warm all year long. And ... Disneyland!

Scott Renshaw: It’s hard for me to imagine retiring in a place with snowy winters, but then I contemplate the climate apocalypse consequences coming to every temperate place, and figure maybe I’ll just order delivery for the last 25 or so years of my life.

Paula Saltas: Never ever. Utah is the bestkept secret.

Jeremiah Smith: Every year. For about two weeks around my birthday, which is in February, I seriously contemplate my prospects as a coconut farmer in some faraway tropical place.

Mason Rodrickc: Every time I look at my laundry hamper and remember that my laundry machine is six floors below me, Canada sounds pretty damned good.

Andrea Harvey: Everytime I walk into a liquor store (or don’t, if it’s Sunday), I want to go back home to Oregon.

Josh Scheuerman: I’ve always loved Utah and never wanted to live any where else… but, I did live a summer in Spain and witnessed universal health care, shorter working hours and a more precocious attitude toward nudity, drinking, singing and dancing. Also, the sangría there is much, much better.

Mikey Saltas: Yes, whenever I see that god-awful “Where White People Meet” billboard. If you’re having trouble meeting white people in Utah, you’ve got more pressing issues.

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HITS&MISSES BY KATHARINE BIELE

FIVE SPOT

RANDOM QUESTIONS, SURPRISING ANSWERS

@kathybiele

Deseret News hit on perhaps the most dire issue facing Utah—its dying extractive industries. Amy Joi O’Donoghue’s frontpage story talked about the misery in Uintah and Duchesne counties and how more than 3,000 nonfarm jobs have been lost in the past year. People in the oil-and-gas industry are suffering, despite the Wasatch Front just busting with jobs in a bright economy. Then along comes the Legislature with Senate Bill 246, proposing to invest $53 million in mineral lease revenue so that Utah can access a port in Oakland, Calif. You know, to send coal back and forth. Oh, and not to forget Senate Bill 115, the “clean coal bill,” which will raise rates and transfer the risk to ratepayers without due process. Lawmakers all about saving these industries, now vegetating on life support, even as O’Donoghue pointed out the downside of dependence on them. But the Legislature is bent on heroic measures at the end of life rather than nurturing it at the beginning.

Playing Both Sides

Meanwhile Rocky Mountain Power is working to get the best from both worlds, according to Radio West. It’s going to build a 20-megawatt solar farm in Holden, and customers will be able to subscribe to solar energy without installing panels. This is actually an example of a company re-evaluating its direction for the future—for its own health and for that of its customers. But don’t get us wrong. RMP still wants to hedge its bets. With Senate Bill 115, STEP legislation, RMP could ultimately kill the solar industry, solar advocates say. Isn’t that ironic? RMP is also asking ratepayers to take on the risk of utility rates and likely pay more.

Shrinking Newsprint

Speaking of dying industries, the cancer-stricken Salt Lake Tribune just announced another amputation—Tuesdays, comics and television. Depressing, isn’t it? Tuesdays were just as poorly read as Mondays, so why not reduce print to just two sections? Readers balked, however, at discontinuing all TV listings, so broadcast and public stations will continue. A March article in the Nation notes, “In 2007, there were 55,000 full-time journalists at nearly 1,400 daily papers; in 2015, there were 32,900,” according to the American Society of News Editors and the School of Journalism & Mass Communication at Florida International University. No doubt, the Deseret News is being the bully in the Trib’s decline, but all newspapers are waking up too late to the seismic shift in readership. “If we find there are better choices to be made, we will implement them,” was Publisher Terry Orme’s sad statement.

LAURA HANIFIN

Legislative Life Support

Local best-selling author Brandon Mull has published more than a dozen books since his first, Fablehaven, hit shelves 10 years ago. He’s inspired by the likes of The Chronicles of Narnia and The Lord of the Rings. Though he writes primarily for children, in an email interview with City Weekly, Mull says kids don’t outnumber adult readers at his signings very much at all. His latest novel, Five Kingdoms: Death Weavers, hits the shelves March 15. To celebrate, Mull will appear at a book signing at The King’s English Bookshop (1511 S. 1500 East, 801-484-9100, KingsEnglish. com) on March 18 at 7 p.m.

Many of your novels feature fantasy elements: Your Fablehaven series has dragons, fairies, centaurs, satyrs and other magical creatures. What is it about fantasy that appeals to you?

I love the big imagination of fantasy. I love taking elements that are larger than life and helping them feel real and then searching for truths in them. I enjoy that, in fantasy, I can design a world or a race or a type of magic that serves the story I wish to tell.

Your latest, Five Kingdoms: Death Weavers, is the fourth in your Five Kingdoms series. What kind of work goes into such a project?

Among other things, it requires tons of daydreaming, planning and making connections. Figuring out meaningful setups and payoffs. Part of what made Five Kingdoms possible are the other fantasy books I’ve written. I borrowed from everything I have learned to design a big, complex ride. I also borrowed some of the fantasy elements I invented in my Beyonders series and gave them new life in Five Kingdoms.

As a national author who has made Utah his home, what is it like interacting with local fans? Is it different when you tour across the nation?

Not long ago, I visited Jakarta, Indonesia, where audiences of kids were singing songs about Fablehaven. Next week, I go to Singapore to speak at a bunch of schools. And I’ve also visited many schools here in the Salt Lake area. My local fans are amazing. Because I’ve done a lot of touring in Utah, I have a lot of devoted readers, young and old. But whether near or far, it is always a relief when somebody enjoys one of my stories.

What advice do you have for aspiring writers? Care to share any tips, tricks or pitfalls you’ve learned from over your career?

Pay attention to how your favorite writers build their scenes, and practice building your own scenes. Write the kind of stories you most want to read. Write what you’re most passionate about—that will give you the best chance that others will care as well. Don’t stress about succeeding immediately.

—MATT KUNES comments@cityweekly.net

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Why is it that when you concentrate a lot on one subject or are very angry, your temperature rises? Would thinking very hard about something work when you’re in a dangerously cold situation and need to get warm? —Margarita

ait—you heat up when you think really hard? You might be on your own with that one, Margarita. Hot because you’re mad, though? Here, there’s plenty to say. And I mean plenty. The nature of emotions such as anger, and how they play out in the body, remain vigorously debated by psychologists and neuroscientists, who stole the topic out from under the philosophers in the 19th century. Scientists’ ideas of what an emotion is, by the way, are somewhat more prosaic than whatever one’s sensibilities may undergo during a viewing of Sophie’s Choice. According to the strictest definition, emotions are simply the body’s automatic reactions to certain stimuli. You see a bear, your pulse spikes: Congratulations, you’ve experienced the emotion fear. A more expansive characterization might consider your conscious reckoning of this cascade of stimulus and bodily reaction—apprehension of bear plus acceleration of heart rate plus utterance of “Oh, shit”—but some neuroscientists differentiate these, using “feeling” to refer to the thing that happens when the brain becomes aware that emotion is in progress. We should stipulate that we’re talking here about the so-called basic emotions, like anger and fear, which happen automatically, versus complex emotions like envy, which require self-consciousness. Basic emotions happen in the autonomic nervous system, the one we don’t have voluntary control over, which constantly makes little physical course corrections to maintain homeostasis—the state of equilibrium that keeps us alive and functioning. The accelerated heartbeat, for instance, gets you ready to outrun the bear. (The bear is the canonical example of a fearful stimulus in much of the discourse, presumably because early scientists hadn’t yet learned about supply-side economics.) Maybe you see the bear stealing your food, thus threatening your survival—you get angry. So basically here’s your answer: You’re hot because, perceiving something that riles you, your body automatically raises its heart rate and blood pressure in preparation for some sort of fight-or-flight outcome. Beyond the basics, though, agreement breaks down, with contention around a couple key questions. First, which comes first—autonomic response or conscious recognition? And what, if any, is the causal connection? The opening volley came in 1884 from the psychologist William James, who wrote, “The bodily changes follow directly the PERCEP TION of the exciting fact, and that our feeling of the same changes as they occur IS the emotion.” (The very 1880s-style emphasis is James’.) In other words, you take in a stimulus, your body reacts, and your subsequent

BY CECIL ADAMS

SLUG SIGNORINO

STRAIGHT DOPE Hot Head

awareness of stimulus and reaction creates what you feel. There must be a causal link, James thought, because it’s hard to imagine an emotion like fear without an increased heart rate; emotion without bodily manifestation is but “a cold and neutral state of intellectual perception,” and that isn’t too many people’s idea of a good time. The physiologist Walter Cannon challenged this theory in the early 1900s by means of a charming experiment: He severed the sympathetic-branch nerves of a cat, thus disabling the adrenaline surge that’s central to the standard stress response. When he then scared the creature, it still hissed and its hair stood on end—suggesting that the brain and the autonomic nervous system experience emotion independently, rather than in some causal relationship. Yet another theory, popular in the groovy psychology of the ’60s and ’70s, suggested that a person first perceives a stimulus and exhibits a response, and only then searches her immediate environment for clues about how to label the emotion. Your heart could be racing because a bear is chasing you or because you’re in love—it’s up to you to figure out which. Which brings us to a second point of contention: Are there distinct, consistent bodily response patterns that can be detected relative to specific emotions? That is, does “fear” universally equate to some recognizable combination of increased heart rate, sweaty palms, etc? Citing her analysis of some 200 prior studies, Lisa Feldman Barrett, director of an affective-science lab at Northeastern University, wrote last year that no, possible emotional responses are numerous and vary with the situation. “Even a rat facing a threat,” she pointed out, “will flee, freeze or fight depending on its surrounding context.” On the other hand, a 2013 study by Finnish researchers endeavored to create a map of emotions, exposing subjects to certain stimuli—the names of emotions, and movies and stories with emotional content—and asking them to indicate where on their bodies any corresponding sensations were felt. Controlling for cultural differences, the researchers found distinctive locales for individual emotions—fear was in the chest, anger activated the arms, depression muted feeling in the extremities. The implications of this are obviously important: Identifying patterns in emotional response is one step toward controlling it, and thus theoretically toward advances in (for instance) how we treat mood disorders. And who knows? Maybe someday you’ll even be able to emote your way out of a snowbank. CW

Send questions to Cecil via StraightDope. com or write him c/o Chicago Reader, 350 N. Orleans, Chicago 60654.

The Curious Case of the Peculiar Recorder

Gary Ott has always been odd, but how odd is too odd to be an elected leader? BY COLBY FRAZIER cfrazier@cityweekly.net @ColbyFrazierLP

personal relationship with her boss. Lancaster says Sanone told her that evening that Ott was going to try to make it, and so the Q&A with the recorder candidates was held last. But Ott never did appear. Bishop and others have said Republican Party brass should have been aware of Ott’s issues before he sailed through the convention. Had there been a primary bout between Republicans, Bishop says Ott would have been forced to speak to his constituents about his job—a seem-

that could spell the word “primary.” And if an incumbent candidate hasn’t given voters a reason to not pick them, then they’re usually picked. In this way, Corroon says, politicians are a lot like peanut butter. “People buy the same brand of peanut butter until they have a reason not to buy that brand,” he says. “If somebody’s an incumbent, people just tend to vote for the incumbent unless they have a reason to not vote for the incumbent.” Whether Ott’s situation is chalked up to being a flaw in the state’s election system, a reminder of the need to pay attention to who is running for office, or simply that the man is “odd,” obscures the fact that there might well be someone who is dealing with an issue that needs to be addressed. Jenny Wilson, an at-large member of the Salt Lake County Council, says she, too, noticed that during the 2014 campaign, Ott was rarely present at candidate events, and that she heard he “wasn’t doing well.” “I had noticed that there wasn’t a single time that he stood behind the microphone and addressed constituents and voters about any issues related to the Recorder’s Office,” Wilson says. Wilson says she’s willing to explore folding the Recorder’s Office and other more obscure county elected positions, such as the assessor, into the mayor’s purview, making the leaders of these departments appointed positions rather than elected. Either way, she wonders who is looking out for Ott. “Unfortunately, in this situation, the people that seem to be closest to Gary Ott are also working with him in his own office,” she says. While speculation surrounding Ott abounds, Dole indicates that the Recorder’s Office, and the man who has been at its helm for the past 14 years, are firing on all cylinders. Dole says that she has never seen Ott and Sanone engage in any activities that would indicate that they are in a relationship, and she denies that the pair is engaged. During the campaign, Dole says Ott was busy and had too many events to attend. When this occurred, she would attend a campaign event, Sanone might attend another and Ott would attend where he could. The controversies surrounding Ott, Dole says, appear to be stoked by people who simply do not know the man— an odd man—to be sure. “He’s always expressed odd behaviors,” she says. “If you’ve known him for all these years, you’d say, ‘That’s Gary.’” CW

Gary Ott, Salt Lake County’s elected recorder

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ingly routine function for a man who had been recorder since 2002, but one that Bishop doubts he could have pulled off. “Had this been a fair fight with decent primaries, it would have been addressed,” Bishop says. “In a primary fight, he would have had to stand up and speak, and it would have been a lot harder. I don’t think he could have made it out of a primary fight with another Republican.” Although it is a fact that Utah’s system affords incumbents a massive advantage when seeking re-election, Utah Democratic Party Chairman Peter Corroon says that it’s just as easy to imagine that the hyper-interested delegates attending the convention can sniff out oddities easier than a possibly disinterested electorate. Even so, Corroon acknowledges that earnest convention challenges are rare, partly because the candidates and party leaders try to pare the numbers down to one candidate before a battle erupts

“He’s slowing down, he’s getting older; we’re all doing that.” While questions surrounding Ott’s abilities only recently surfaced, his political opponent in 2014 and other county employees say concerns surrounding his behavior trace back years, prior to his most recent re-election, in which he won 118,531 votes, beating his Democratic challenger, Mary Bishop, by 8 percentage points. But as an elected official, Ott’s job, at which his annual salary is $144,600, with $35,000 in benefits, is secure. No state statutes afford any way for Ott to be ousted due to health issues. Mark Thomas, the state’s director of elections, says that candidates can be impeached if there is criminal wrongdoing, but for health purposes, removing a candidate from office would be a sensitive and difficult process. “Trying to judge someone’s ability to be in elected office based upon their medical or perceived medical procedures is a very tricky, sensitive, issue,” Thomas says. “There’s not anything in the statute, and I can understand why.” If Ott, a Republican, began to show signs of wear and tear prior to the 2014 election (Dole said Ott was in meetings and not available for an interview), then questions remain about whose responsibility it is to discourage candidates from running in the event they aren’t fit for the job. And in Utah’s caucus/ convention system, where primary election runoffs against candidates from the same party are about as common as a cat that walks on two legs, incumbents almost always find their names on the general election ballot, and they almost always win. Ott’s Democratic challenger in 2014, Bishop, says she saw Ott at a single campaign event—the Rose Park Festival—in April, a full seven months before the general election. Bishop says she was made aware that there were concerns with Ott’s performance at the office, and his lack of presence during the campaign raised eyebrows. But like any scenario dealing with one’s potential health problems and the speculative nature of the situation, Bishop decided against making it a campaign issue. “When we looked at the issue, we would have loved to have said something, but what can you say?” Bishop says. “We just couldn’t see where we could do anything.” Lancaster says that Ott failed to show at a union-sponsored meet-the-candidates night. Appearing in lieu for Ott, Lancaster says, was Karmen Sanone, Ott’s secretary, who has been identified in other media reports as having a

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he joke goes that Gary Ott, Salt Lake County’s elected recorder since 2002, misspelled his last name on the navy blue-and-yellow (think University of Michigan) lawn signs that bore his name. More like Gary “Odd,” some who know the man would say. This story, says Julie Dole, the county’s deputy chief recorder and Ott’s right-hand in the office, is one of her boss’ favorites. That’s just Gary, Dole says, an “odd guy.” “Anybody that knows Gary, [thinks] he’s odd,” Dole says. “He’s not just your normal guy. He does things differently.” Dole’s characterization of Ott arrives amid accusations from some county employees that the four-term county recorder is suffering from some type of ailment, which, according to some, was registering well before he won reelection to a six-year term in 2014, and is now spurring questions about the man’s ability to do his job. Over the past couple of years, Ray Lancaster, a veteran county employee who is president of the Utah Alliance of Government Employees union, says, among other instances of odd behavior, Ott has forgotten where his office is located and wondered why employees who haven’t worked for him for years are not at their desks. And in January, Ott’s behavior took a dangerous turn when a Grantsville Police officer found him wandering around the west desert in freezing temperatures. His car was found nearby, out of gas with a dead battery and a Smith & Wesson handgun in the glove box. Beyond simply being a bit odd, Dole and Kenneth Richmond, a division administrator in the Recorder’s Office who has worked with Ott for nearly two decades, both insist that nothing is wrong with their boss. “He’s the same guy I’ve always worked with,” Richmond says.

GOVERNMENT

COURTESY OF SALT LAKE CO. RECORDER’S OFFICE

NEWS

“Trying to judge someone’s ability to be in elected office based upon their medical or perceived medical procedures is a very tricky, sensitive issue.” —Mark Thomas, Utah’s director of elections

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12 | MARCH 10, 2016

CITY WEEKLY EVENTS

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Videographer Email nenright@cityweekly.net for details

CITIZEN REVOLT In a week, you can

CHANGE THE WORLD

LGBT FUNDRAISER

No, the hate crimes bill didn’t pass this year. But you can still join Equality Utah to enjoy food, drink and music among the company of friends old and new in a historic and beautiful venue. Proceeds from this Queer Pioneers event go to Equality Utah’s 501c4 organization, which funds direct advocacy on Utah’s Capitol Hill. This event is for members of the LGBT community and its allies and marks the end of the 2016 legislative session. It’s also a way to say thanks to Equality’s champion on the Hill this session, Sen. Steve Urquhart. This Is the Place Park, Kimball House, 2601 E. Sunnyside Ave., 801-582-1847, Friday, March 11, 6-8 p.m., free/suggested $10 donation per person

DOCUMENTARY RELEASE

You may not remember a time when fight dogs were just considered damaged and then killed. That’s what could have happened to the pit bulls NFL star Michael Vick used and abused in his fighting rings. But today there is hope, largely because of Kanab’s Best Friends Animal Society, whose work with pit bulls and ongoing efforts to end breed discrimination is featured in the documentary The Champions, which tells the heartbreaking and inspiring story of the dogs and people affected by Vick's abuse. Best yet, it’s available for download on iTunes, Google Play, Amazon Video and Vudu. Oddly, there are no screenings in Utah yet, but you can set one up at Tugg.com. $14.99 download, BestFriends.org/Champions

AUTHOR READING

Body image is a hot topic in the age of sex and skin. But there is a social and physical price to pay if you focus too much on the outside. Art Access is undertaking a multi-faceted project tackling personal and social body image perspectives, hoping to deepen the conversation about weight and inspire social change. Events, targeting female issues, begin with a book reading and signing by Jasmin Singer for her memoir, Always Too Much and Never Enough . It’s a story of a girl who went from being a bullied child to an empowered activist. There will be writing classes, book group discussions, an art exhibit called Fat Phobia and more. 230 S. 500 West Ste. 125, 801-328-0703, Friday, March 11, 5:30 p.m., free and open to public, $16 per book, AccessArt.org

—KATHARINE BIELE

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NEWS The Art of the Passable

GOVERNMENT

Democrats chide lawmakers who claim they’re expanding Medicaid. BY ERIC ETHINGTON eethington@cityweekly.net @ericethington

fter years of inaction—despite high public pressure—Utah lawmakers finally acted on Medicaid expansion. But whether the action amounts to more than an empty gesture during an election year remains to be seen. It’s been over two years since the Utah Legislature first met to consider whether to expand Medicaid under the Affordable Care Act for those who fall into the coverage gap, an estimated 50,000 to 60,000 Utahns who do not have health insurance through their jobs and make too little to afford private health insurance. While many “Utah solution” versions of Medicaid expansion have been proposed in the past few years, each covering a different percentage of those needing health care, none had successfully passed both the State House and Senate. It wasn’t until this year when one lawmaker, Sen. Gene Davis, D-Salt Lake City, actually proposed accepting the full expansion under the Affordable Care Act, giving health care to every Utahn in the gap. While Davis did manage to pass it through a Senate committee, the bill stalled in front of the full Senate as House Republicans made it clear they had no appetite for passing what House Speaker Greg Hughes, R-Draper, calls “an open-ended check.” Instead, House Republicans favored a bill introduced by House Majority Leader Jim Dunnigan, R-Taylorsville, which covers 16,000 of the poorest Utahns—specifically the chronically homeless, those recently released from prison and some who are mentally ill. Those 16,000 Utahns are not a part of the 50,000 to 60,000 who would have been covered by other proposed plans, but rather are excluded from Medicaid in Utah because they are adult and childless. Dunnigan’s bill fractured the coalition fighting in favor of health-care access for all. Salt Lake County Mayor Ben McAdams and Salt Lake City Mayor Jackie Biskupski, both Democrats, held a joint press conference with Dunnigan announcing their support of his bill. “We know there are many in the community who feel that [full expansion] would be the optimal solution, but there is simply not the political support to move in that direction,” said David Litvack, Biskupski’s deputy chief of staff, at the March 1 press conference. “What about the others?” Utah Democratic Party Chairman Peter Corroon retorted two days later at his own press

UTAH HOUSE STAFF

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Rep. Jim Dunnigan, R-Taylorsville

conference. “What about the thousands of hardworking Utahns, their children, their families, our friends and neighbors in desperate need of medical coverage?” Meanwhile, House Minority Leader Brian King, D-Salt Lake City, says that Rep. Dunnigan’s bill is only being referred to as “Medicaid expansion” in order to alleviate the political pressure House Republicans have been feeling in this election year to get something done. He says that using that term implies that it’s bigger than it is. “Well, it is connected to the ACA in some ways, but it’s true that it’s more of a traditional Medicaid bill,” House Speaker Greg Hughes, R-Draper, tells City Weekly. “But that’s why we can get the support [for the bill]. Look, politics is the art of the possible. The reason we’re not going to cover the whole gap is because of things like the budget uncertainty. We have to understand how it’s going to impact our budget moving forward.” Now that Dunnigan’s bill has passed, what do lawmakers say to the 50,000-60,000 working Utahns who still won’t have healthcare coverage? “Look, you can flip the script on that really easily,” Hughes says. “What would you say to the 16,000 who also need coverage if you oppose this bill just because you want something bigger passed? We can’t let perfect be the enemy of good.” When Dunnigan’s bill was debated by the full House on March 4, Rep. Sandra Hollins, D-Salt Lake City, spoke against it, telling the body that in her work as a social worker, she sees the impact of Utahns not having access to health care. “How can we sacrifice one population for another?” she asked. House Majority Whip Francis Gibson, RMapleton, said this bill may not be what some lawmakers or even citizens want. “But one of the things that makes Utah pretty good is,” he said, “is that we do a good job of balancing our budget and knowing what we have.” Orem Republican Rep. Norm Thurston added that, “We could have gotten these people covered a long time ago if we hadn’t wasted our time trying to hit a home run.” After the House voted 55-17 to approve Dunnigan’s bill on March 4, the bill was rushed through the Senate on March 8, receiving committee approval at 8 a.m., and then final floor approval at 4 p.m. The Senate approved the bill 19 to 8, despite objections by Sens. Davis and Jim Dabakis, D-Salt Lake City, who loudly objected to the state committing $30 million to a Medicaid proposal that only covers the chronically homeless, instead of $34 million for full expansion that would cover all 105,000 Utahns who need coverage. CW In addition to covering state politics for City Weekly, Eric Ethington is communications director for Political Research Associates.

S NEofW the

The Square Wheel of Justice In February, New York’s highest court finally said “enough” to the seemingly endless delays on a multimillion-dollar judgment for negligence that occurred 23 years ago. Linda Nash had sued, among others, the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey for injuries she suffered when trapped in an underground parking garage during the World Trade Center terrorist act. (No, not the one in 2001, but the bombing eight years before that, which killed six and wounded more than 1,000). Nash was 49 that day and 72 now, and after winning a $5.4 million jury verdict in 2005, endured 10 more years of appeals. In its final, unsuccessful motion in the case, the Port Authority said it had spotted a technicality and that Nash should start over.

BY CHUCK SHEPHERD

Unclear on the Concept Several students at the Ivy League’s Brown University complained (quoted in a February story in the student newspaper) that classroom work (ostensibly what Brown charges $50,000 a year in tuition for) was increasingly a burden, distracting them from their more important calling: organizing and protesting against various “injustices” on campus. Students were underperforming academically (and suffering health problems and anxiety issues) because, the students said, Brown still expects them to complete course requirements even though they are busy denouncing racist columns in the student newspaper and challenging the weakness of Brown’s “diversity” policies (among other targets).

WEIRD

The Continuing Crisis Retired engineer Harry Littlewood, 68, watching workers tear down outdated public housing in Stockport, England, recently, rushed over to ask the local Stockport Council about recovering a “souvenir” since the teardowns included his residence growing up. The council agreed, and Littlewood was awarded the toilet he had used as a boy. “I never thought I’d see it again,” he mused. He said he would probably turn it into a planter.

n Prosecutors in Spain finally filed charges this year against three women for a May 2014 protest that was apparently aimed at religious intolerance of homosexuality, and are asking that the charges against the women be labeled anti-Catholic “hate” crimes. One judge particularly noted the anti-Catholic props— rosary beads, prayer lace, canonical hoods and a 6-foot-high plastic vulva constructed to resemble the well-known representation of the Virgin Mary. In January, judges called police to court to help identify the women in videos of the protest.

THE LIST OF NINE

BY MASON RODRICKC & MICHELLE L ARSON

@MRodrickc

Bright Ideas According to a former spy for the Soviet Union, dictator Josef Stalin so distrusted his Communist China counterpart Mao Zedong during the 1940s that when Mao visited the USSR, Soviet engineers arranged to capture his bowel movements so that Stalin’s scientists could examine them chemically to form a psychological profile. Spy Igor Atamanenko found evidence that other world leaders received similar treatment. Among the indicators: High levels of the amino acid tryptophan signaled the person was calm and approachable, and lack of potassium portended nervousness and insomnia.) n Williams Lake, British Columbia, has the most violent crime per capita for its size (pop. 10,800) of any town in Canada, and in February the city council unanimously passed a dramatic action plan: to inject “high risk” criminals with GPS tracking devices. The program was immediately denounced by privacy advocates, but that challenge is almost beside the point—since injectable GPS tracking does not even exist. (Councilors likely confused implantable microchips, which contain data but do not track, with GPS transponders, which track but only via sight-line contact with a satellite.)

Perspective Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen (who left the company early, and, like Bill Gates, became known for his philanthropy, which has been directed toward conservation projects including coral reef restorations) is the owner of the 300-foot yacht whose anchor in January accidentally crushed 14,000 square feet (about 80 percent) of the Cayman Islands’ precious West Bay coral reef. Harm to the islands’ ecosystem, world-famous for its diversity, will not quickly be repaired, said officials. The MV Tatoosh’s business in the area was not reported, but Allen was not aboard. Cayman Islands is a popular Caribbean vacation and diving spot (and, of course, tax haven). The Aristocrats! Australian Neville Sharp brought his “A” game to a pub in the Darwin suburb of Humpty Doo in February and, in a Guinness World Record attempt, expelled a 110.6-decibel belch (which, if certified by Guinness book officials, beats the old record of 109.9 by a gentleman in the U.K.). Sharp gives all credit to his sister for teaching him, as a child, proper belching technique. Thanks This Week to Kathryn Wood and to the News of the Weird Board Editorial Advisors.

EEK W C L @S

Nine ways to keep yourself busy until the next presidential debate.

9. Cover your mirrors for seven days in mourning for the Downton Abbey finale.

8. Observe Hulk Hogan as he attempts to leg-drop Gawker in court.

7. Tend to your bed sores after

binge-watching Season 4 of House of Cards.

6. Re-create Kim K’s Twitter selfies and show no one.

5. Try out the new makeup

2278 S Redwood Road

ready for the new season of RuPaul’s Drag Race.

2. Finally make that vision

board about making vision boards.

1. Watch The Apprentice reruns and remember a simpler time.

MARCH 10, 2016 | 13

801-975-6381

3. Get your reading glasses

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Mon-Fri 5am-2:30pm I Sat 7am-12 pm

savers to pictures of Justin Trudeau holding baby pandas.

trend of Trumping and show everyone.

4. Change all of your screen Salt Lakes Finest! Baked Fresh Daily!

S ON U W FOLLO GRAM A T S IN

n Local governments in Taiwan’s Southwest Coast National Scenic Area in Chiayi province recently put the finishing touches on a 55-foot-high “church” in the form of a shoe made from more than 300 glass panels (and costing the equivalent of about $680,000). According to a BBC News dispatch, no religious services will be held there; rather, the church will be a destination for weddings and feature other events tailored for glass-slipper-obsessed females.

NUEVE

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Latest Religious Messages Evangelicals Applaud Sexual Predator: The Jacksonville (Florida) City Council was addressing a proposed amendment to its Human Rights Ordinance (one that would specifically protect LGBT individuals) in January when Roy Bay, 56, stood during the comment period and insisted that those kinds of lifestyle protections are what led him on a 20-year history of molesting one little boy after another. Gasps in the audience turned into cheers, however, when he reported that he had abandoned his bad self after becoming a “born-again child of God,” and realizing that it was not “acceptable” to assault kids even though he was raised in such an environment himself. (Conveniently, the crimes are not prosecutable because of the statute of limitations. Fact-checkers, including FloridaPolitics. com, are still investigating Bay’s claims.)

THE

Navigating the twists and turns of uncoupling in Utah. BY CAROLYN CAMPBELL • comments@cityweekly.net

I Do, I Did, I’m Done

Salt Lake City attorney Lauren Barros says there are legal considerations unique to gay divorce and custody. “If, prior to their legal marriage, Jane and Jill had a civil union or a domestic partnership in another state,” she says, “that would need to be dissolved in either the Utah divorce action or the state that issued the union or partnership.” Determining whether a couple meets the requirement of common-law marriage prior to their solemnized marriage is another consideration, Barros says, in order to establish the marriage date to determine assets, debts and alimony. In Utah, alimony payments cannot exceed the duration of the marriage. “Partners generally split the retirement accrued during the marriage,” she says. “If a couple has legally been married for two years, the spouse would only be entitled to 50 percent of the other spouse’s retirement that accrued during that time. However, if they were calling each other “wife” or “husband” and taking on the duties of a marriage prior to their solemnized marriage, they may be able to establish a common-law marriage that reaches further back,” Barros explains. Child custody is another crucial consideration. Although married couples can now get a birth certificate with the non-genetic mother or father listed as a parent, she still advises gay parents to seek a second-parent adoption. “If I marry a woman and we have a child, she would be the

town, Stella stays at the other’s house. While she doesn’t foresee another relationship in her own future, she’s seen many LGBT people who resolve their pain and move on to other partners. “Although I can’t say I’ve met a lot of people who went through the marriage ceremony [yet], I’ve seen a lot of people who have been partners for a long time and [have] moved on and have been friends after,” she says. Now that LGBT folks have “won the right to be like everyone else, they need to understand that marriage is a wonderful privilege that needs to be taken seriously, with all of the same responsibilities as a straight marriage,” she says. “It’s just been so painful,” she continues. “You just want to get over it and get settled in your own life. I’m afraid of [feeling] that pain again.” Gnade attributes several elements to her own post-divorce survival—her new job at the Pride center, reading Buddhist literature, good connections with the outside community and positive self-talk. What is their secret to remaining friends? “I EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR OF don’t think we’re anything special,” she says. “It’s THE UTAH PRIDE CENTER not a done deal. I’m not sure that story is over.” It helps to be philosophical. “We were lucky to have a good relationship as long as we did,” Gnade says. “But you don’t walk away feeling good after a relationship that you have invested so much in. There is no winner. There is a hole in your heart.”

mother and list me as a parent on the birth certificate,” Barros says. “But what if we go to Alabama or Mississippi or Wisconsin—or another country—and she dies? My parenthood would be a lot easier to prove if I have a court order.” Barros observes that gay parents put a lot of thought into becoming parents. “Because they often have to use assisted reproduction,” she says, “maybe they are a little more appreciative because they had to work harder to have a child. They are often older parents—a little more mature.” Her clients have included gay parents who either adopt children or have a surrogate carry their child. “If they are female, they might use eggs from one spouse, utilize a sperm donor and create an embryo within the other spouse.” She’s also seen surrogacies where parties have a continuing relationship. The sperm donor might sign an agreement that he won’t be the father—or the agreement might state that he may take a very active role in the future child’s life. In other states, she has seen three-

COURTESY PHOTO

fter her divorce became final in the fall of 2015, Carol Gnade was on her own. She had her memories of married life. And she still had her dog, an attentive labradoodle named Stella. She and her former wife were together for 19 years. “It’s painful,” Gnade says, “and there is no difference between the pain of losing a gay relationship and losing a heterosexual relationship. There are the same family issues, the same sadness and the same love.” She met her wife at a fundraiser for Rocky Anderson when he was running for Congress. “We got together because we were like-minded politically, and we cared about each other and our families,” she says. In 2003, they had a civil ceremony in Vermont and were married in New York City eight years later. “Before you get married,” Gnade says, “you need to understand that there are all sorts of conditions you need to be prepared for—including the possibility of divorce.” Gnade, the executive director of the Utah Pride Center, says that her marriage was simply not able to survive “some difficult things”—namely the death of her daughter due to cancer near the time of the split. “Whether you are gay or straight, going through the death of a child is almost impossible to comprehend and to get through as a couple,” she says. Retirement also had a bearing on the story. “We knew how we were together as working people but could never really get settled into retirement. There was an underlying tug back and forth. She loved moving away and being in the desert, but Salt Lake City is my soul place, and I needed to get back here,” Gnade says. She feels that her own divorce was probably less complicated than others. “We had good attorneys, and we wanted it to end so that we would remain friends,” she says. Initially, opposing counsel wanted to only take into consideration the time when her marriage became legal in Utah (officially, on Oct. 6, 2014), even though they had been together 19 years. “But, then, we ended up settling, so we didn’t have to push that.” There’s also the dog. “She is both of ours. When we split up, we knew immediately that we would share her. There is no finer companion.” If one of them is going out of

CAROL GNADE & STELLA

parent adoptions, where a lesbian couple and sperm donor are all considered parents. “Then the donor is no longer the donor—he is legally the father.” Barros says an online divorce “that walks you through the steps” usually costs a few hundred dollars. “This is for people who agree on all terms and [who] don’t need to pay lawyers.” The next step would be to use the Legal Aid Society, which offers fees on a sliding scale. “Next would be consulting an attorney for an hour or two here or there on paperwork that you prepare,” she says. “Beyond that, divorce cases where litigation is involved usually cost at least $2,000, and if the litigation is intense and goes to one or more trials, attorney fees can go as high as $200,000 per side.” In his practice, Salt Lake City divorce attorney Eric Johnson says the cost of a divorce ranges between $6,000 and $10,000. “It’s an average,” he says. “Some cost a lot more and some cost less. Eighty percent of Utah divorce cases settle—they might reach an agreement that they like, or they DIVORCE ATTORNEY are emotionally or financially COURTESY PHOTO

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JUST DIVORCED

ERIC JOHNSON

Repealing the Sealing

A year after her first husband left her, she sought a temple divorce, or, “temple cancellation” as it is officially known. She and Joseph had dated for a few months by then and were planning to marry.

KENNA ORGILL

MORMON AND TWICE MARRIED

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MARCH 10, 2016 | 15

When someone has been married in an LDS Temple, then goes through a civil divorce and later is ready to be sealed for all eternity to a new spouse, they need to request their previous temple sealing be canceled. Kenna followed the procedure requiring her to meet with her bishop and stake president and get a letter from them to submit to the Church’s First Presidency. Applying and being approved for a temple-sealing cancellation may take anywhere from a few months to over a year. Cancellations are considered on a case-by-case basis. “Mine went through in four days. I know that isn’t very common. My [ex-]husband was already remarried by then—that could have been part of that,” Kenna says, adding that receiving her cancellation “was a huge weight off my shoulders.” Now 24, Kenna married Joseph Orgill last year. She says, “It was definitely awkward to register (in a wedding registry) a second time and ask people to give me something twice. And some people might say it was tacky to make the second wedding big. But my parents and I were feeling such joy in knowing this was a good thing.” Her first wedding was in the Salt Lake Temple, so she chose the Bountiful Temple the second time around. She’s still blogging and hearing from people “who are in the thick of it,” she says. “People try so hard to make it work,” she says. “Divorce is such a fragile thing—there is no place to judge. You should never feel ashamed—but I did. Had I not gone through what I did, I wouldn’t be who I am.” A recent photo from her first anniversary depicts the happy couple smiling above a sign that says, “One year down. Forever to go.”

KEN LUND VIA FLICKR

the courage to move forward. “Heavenly Father knew that if I was ever going to get married again, he would have to make it pretty clear,” she said.

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Kenna Orgill now has her second shot at a forever family. But she had only been married nine months when her first husband texted her at work to tell her he wanted a divorce. The night before, the couple had celebrated the Fourth of July with fireworks and a barbecue with her family. She was shocked and emotional after receiving his text. She called and begged him to come home to talk. She waited six hours before he came home. Theirs had been a Mormon Temple wedding. “I sat there, crying, begging, asking why he was doing this,” Orgill recalls. “I told him a divorce wasn’t justified, [that] we had made temple covenants. I told him this wasn’t an overnight decision—it was something you earnestly prayed about and fasted over. Shattering an eternal marriage has its implications.” She says he looked at her, started to laugh, and he told her, “This is obviously going to be a lot harder for you than it is for me.” A family member came to pick her up and take her to the family home where she tried, unsuccessfully, to sleep through the worst night of her life. The next day, she told her husband she was praying for him as much as she was praying for herself. “This marriage is between you, me and the Lord,” she recalls saying. She describes his manner as eerily casual as he told her he had made up his mind and was going to initiate divorce proceedings. Three months after he left, Kenna started a blog (KennaHope.Blogspot.com) as a way of coping. She didn’t think anyone would read it, yet, she soon received responses from Mormons across the nation who were also getting divorced. “I can’t tell you how many emails I’ve gotten,” she says. Why the fan base? “Mormons don’t want to talk about their divorces. It’s kind of a shameful thing in the Mormon culture,” she says. “As a Mormon, you know how sacred it is and the covenants that you make. It is so much harder to get a divorce.” She learned that divorce is often out of one spouse’s control. “I would have done anything to save my marriage,” she says. Her former husband remarried

soon after leaving her. “At age 21, I didn’t know how to deal with something like that.” While most religions value marriage and almost all put high hopes into it, Mormons add an extra layer. “It’s one of the major teachings of the LDS faith that marriage is not only the place to find the highest degree of happiness, but also to get to the highest kingdom of heaven,” Marybeth Raynes, a licensed clinical social worker as well as a marriage and family therapist, says. But getting married means Mormons must date, and it’s not just any kind of dating: It’s preparing for an eternal mate who will beget a celestial family that will be together forever. Mormons dread remaining single for life or becoming divorced. They believe in happily ever after—literally. They pair off quickly with high school sweethearts, at schools like Brigham Young University or at church functions or LDS dances. The rush to marriage, however, doesn’t always end happily in this life, let alone eternity. If a first marriage doesn’t work out, or if Mormons aren’t married by the age of 30, they will continue to hope for an eternally married future, says Jerry Harris, a retired marriage and family therapist formerly employed by LDS Social Services. “At a time when marriage is being questioned as never before,” he says, “given the LDS emphasis on marriage, most of our young men and women are very desirous of finding what they feel is the right person to marry for time and eternity.” If a Mormon couple marries in the LDS Temple, Mormons believe this union will continue after they die. The greatest challenge is finding the right partner for eternity. Eric Johnson, himself an LDS divorce attorney, says, “In the LDS faith, you can’t be exalted without being married and [some people feel] pressure to marry even if you don’t feel like getting married. People will say, ‘I don’t want to be a second-class citizen in the kingdom of God.’” While some criticize that Mormons marry too young, Johnson says that “too young” is not the same as “too hasty.” And Johnson says Mormons tend to stick with a bad marriage longer than nonMormons out of a sense of covenant commitment, fear of damnation or fear of missing out on eternal marriage. Johnson has seen occasional clients leave the LDS Church disillusioned following divorce. “They’ll say, ‘The church sold me a bill of goods, my marriage ended, and I don’t believe it anymore. I did everything I was supposed to do, and God broke his promise,” Johnson says. “That is one of the biggest tragedies— when I see them turn their back on their faith. Then they lose two things—both their marriage and their faith.” But that wasn’t the case for Kenna. Post-divorce, she said she hated dating, but she kept the faith. She even legally changed her middle name to Hope “because I needed that reminder,” she says. Months later, in her LDS singles ward, she caught sight of a man named Joseph Orgill, “I sensed that something was going to happen.” After church, she returned to the home where she was then living with her parents. “I started to cry. I told them I had met this guy at church and didn’t know why I was crying.” The feeling was different, she says. And it gave her

COURTESY PHOTO

Mormon Marriage: A Forever Thing

JOSH SCHEUERMAN

NEAL GUNNARSON

RETIRED ATTORNEY DIVORCE-CLASS INSTRUCTOR

Moving on

Valerie Hale instructs a divorce education for parents class. A clinical psychologist in Salt Lake City who specializes in high-conflict divorce and child custody, Hale conducted custody evaluations for 20 years. “When we marry, we are trying to grow ourselves up. Your former spouse might have things that you may not know how to do or be, and you might have things that they don’t know how to do or be,” Hale tells the class. “You pull each other up. Maybe you are the financial one and he is the organized one. You have grown together and when you come apart, it is painful.” Because separation is so prevalent, she says, it seems like it wouldn’t be so bad to get a divorce, but it’s actually the second most traumatic thing a person can experience, after the death of a child. Death of a spouse is third. “You are breaking a deep and complicated relationship and still walking around with no closure,” she says. Emphasizing the importance of co-parenting, she says, “There is one other person who loves your kids as much as you—it’s that co-parent who hurt you so much. When you text each other, keep the messages short and professional with not a lot of emotion.” Kids need a grown-up during a divorce. They have radar for grown-ups and migrate to people who help them feel safe and secure. “If you become depressed and have thoughts of suicide, you don’t get to kill yourself,” Hale says. “Is that what you want to model for your kids? There is a risk that the kid will decide

K.C. Eldridge was wrapping up his divorce. After being separated for almost three years, he and his wife were completing mediation. “Obviously, the process hurt, but it was so much better than going to court,” Eldridge says. “I was able to focus on my important needs rather than the legal process.” Because he is the father of a 16-year-old daughter and a 14-year-old son, Eldridge is one of thousands of Utahns who annually complete the state-mandated divorceeducation classes for parents of minor children. In 1994, a law was passed requiring parents to attend the class prior to getting a divorce. The courses are designed help parents and children adjust to difficult divorce situations and to inform parents as to how conflict affects children and the family. In a January 2016 class, retired attorney Neal Gunnarson explained to an audience of about 60 soon-to-be-divorced parents at the Matheson Courthouse that the two classes—a one-hour Divorce Orientation Class and a two-hour Divorce Education Class for Parents, held consecutively— are not designed to talk them out of getting divorced. That choice is up to you,” he says. Gunnarson is animated, articulate and easy to understand. The situations he portrays are relatable, and the attendees are obviously engaged. He is describing primal stuff—how to survive losing the relationship that once defined your life, and how to enrich your children’s future now that

that is acceptable,” she cautions. The parents’ new relationships create new problems. “New partners are tough on kids because they are new,” Hale says. “The child will think, ‘My dad loves her, and she’s here,’ and the kid is going to try to find a way to attach to her. “But if that relationship breaks up,” Hale says, “the kid has to cope with another broken attachment. Keep doing that, and he is not going to attach.” Another issue comes up when a divorcing parent wants to relocate. In most circumstances, she says, children do best when they have frequent access to both parents in an atmosphere of low conflict. “It’s nice if you can live relatively closely, but not go to the same grocery store, the same LDS ward or the same bank. If you have a good child-care center, don’t change it.”

you are no longer a couple. Marriages likely have three stages, he says: the honeymoon phase, which he “hopes they all find again,” the second stage—which could be termed as buyer’s remorse—and the third stage, reality and commitment. In this third stage, Gunnarson says, a couple’s thoughts might be, “This isn’t what I expected, but we still love each other; we still have romance and we are going to make it work.” But, he says, sometimes, that commitment fades and the result is divorce. “When people are getting divorced, an early question is, ‘How will this divorce affect my child?’” He urges parents to “cocoon” their child. “Don’t get your child involved in your divorce,” he cautions, advising them not to be vindictive. “Don’t say ‘I’m going to win,’ because if I win, you lose. Once you get into that mode, you will never reach an agreement. Say: ‘Sweetheart, the only thing you need to know is that your mom and dad love you.’” Gunnarson tells attendees that the class is designed to prepare them for their next relationship, and says that within two years, 70 percent of them will be remarried and 20 percent will be in a committed relationship. The likelihood of their becoming a stepparent is very high. He says that the class is created to help newly single people in the “trough”—the time between the two relationships—to prepare for their next relationship. He adds that the trough is a time for newly divorced people to get their balance and resolve questions about what went wrong in the marriage. “It can take a little time and headwork to move into a new relationship,” he says.

Utah Legislature has its way, and the governor concurs, the in-person classes will soon be going away in favor of online classes. Promoting the change from in-person to online

Technology: A Better Option?

Ironically, the class that promotes fence-mending between divorcing parents for the sake of the children is now embroiled in a conflict of its own. Elizabeth Hickey is a social worker, mediator and former child-custody evaluator for the courts. She was instrumental in getting legislation passed in 1994 for the mandatory divorce-education classes throughout the state. She currently has a contract with the courts to conduct the divorce-education classes in Salt Lake and Utah counties. But if the

ELIZABETH HICKEY

CONTRACTED INSTRUCTOR DIVORCE-EDUCATION CLASSES

JOSH SCHEUERMAN

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The Class Act

JOSH SCHEUERMAN

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COURTESY UTAH STATE UNIVERSITY

USU PROFESSOR WHO WANTS TO OFFER ONLINE DIVORCE CLASSES

K.C. Eldridge and his wife have completed mediation and are now waiting on their divorce decree to be finalized. “When we first separated,” Eldridge says, “I had a hard time connecting with what my kids were going through. The divorce-education class gave me a better understanding of why they are struggling.” Ann Kimball’s divorce had its rocky moments. In the middle of her divorce proceedings, her attorney died of cancer. When she first heard that the divorceeducation class was a legal requirement, she was annoyed. “I thought, ‘It’s one more thing I have to do.’ Surprisingly, I was so impressed that I actually wished there were more classes I could take,” she says. “You can get firsthand, in-person answers from an attorney and a therapist, and it’s only $35, rather than hundreds of dollars.” She adds, “During that time, when my biggest concern was how it would affect my son, I could go and have experts give me advice. Their motivation was just to help my child and make sure I got the best outcome.” She feels strongly that the in-person format is best. “The hard reality is that when your decisions could affect the one thing that matters most to you—your child. You want to be sitting in front of a real live person who can give you an answer—you don’t want to type in a search button.” At press time, HB66 had passed the House and had received a favorable committee recommendation to pass the Senate. CW

BRIAN HIGGINBOTHAM

Searching for Answers

business away from them.” Moss insists that Higginbotham “would not make a dime from the class personally. He has nothing to gain from it financially—he would only be asked to develop it. He is asked to create extension courses all the time.” When asked about the conflict, Higginbotham says, “This is a decision that shouldn’t be about the finances of the providers. The people going through the divorce aren’t worried about the providers—they are worried about how they are going to get this class done. In states that are already doing this, they are finding comparable outcomes.” Hickey is worried that the intent of the classes will be defeated if attendees opt to take the class online. She’s concerned that parents will miss out on the emotional breakthroughs that frequently occur when they delve into their issues in the classroom setting. “Divorce is a highly emotional and stressful experience,” Hickey says. “The group setting of an experienced teacher who can fully engage a parent in the emotions of divorce has the greatest chance of promoting healing, behavioral changes and motivation for cooperation.” Furthermore, without being required to attend in person, Hickey fears that parents will search for ways to avoid taking the class altogether. “We have already seen evidence that the parents have found ways to have others—including their own teenage children—take the Online Divorce Orientation,” she says. One father told Hickey he was considering suicide as a form of revenge against his ex-spouse before he went to the class, but changed his mind after he came to understand the possible impact on his children. Russell Minas, recognized in 2013 as the Utah State Bar Family Attorney of the Year, attended the divorce-education class as an observer this past January and was impressed. “There were perhaps 60 to 70 people in attendance. The participants learned from many different perspectives, and the class was tailored to the attendees,” he says. “And as much of a tech geek I consider myself to be,” Minas says, “I don’t believe

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classes is Rep. Carol Spackman Moss, D-Salt Lake City, who is sponsoring House Bill 66, with Sen. Lyle Hillyard, R-Logan, as co-sponsor in the Senate. Hickey says that the reason HB66 exists is due to Brian Higginbotham, a professor from Utah State University, who serves with Moss on the governor-appointed 17-member Utah Marriage Commission. Hickey points to minutes from a March 6, 2015, meeting of the House Law Enforcement and Criminal Justice Committee, when she says Moss “became flustered when she could not answer many questions about the classes. She then announced how she did not think up this bill by herself; a USU professor came to her and gave her the idea for it.” Moss says the genesis of the bill was more than Higginbotham simply “giving her the idea.” Many others discussed the issue and contributed to Moss’ conviction to sponsor the bill. “We’ve heard from many people that it is a hardship [to attend in person],” Moss says. “It is offered two nights per week and Saturdays in the major cities—not all over the state,” she says. “A lot of people didn’t like hearing people sharing their horror stories and saw it as kind of a punitive thing,” Moss says. “Online, we could have actors showing, ‘This is the way to talk to kids.’ We’ve looked at research showing that this is equally effective.” Besides, Moss says, the online class would just be another option—people could still attend in person. Both sides see money as the opposing side’s motivation. Hickey claims that Higginbotham wants to bring the online classes to USU to offer as extension courses, which would bring substantial revenue to USU, while Moss feels Hickey is just trying to protect her contracts and income from in-person classes. Moss says Hickey and other class instructors “don’t like the online option because it takes

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ESSENTIALS

the

THURSDAY 3.10

Salt Lake Acting Co.: Climbing With Tigers Some works of art are bigger than themselves. You know them when you see them—or, more often, when you feel them. That feeling was pouring out of the opening night of Climbing With Tigers, Salt Lake Acting Co.’s adaptation of the picture book by writer Dallas Graham and 9-year-old Nathan Glad. The story is an allegory for Nathan’s own condition— Osteogenesis imperfecta, or “brittle bones disease"—through a bird named Blue (Austin Archer, pictured) who longs to fly but fears that his own brittle bones won’t withstand it. And so with the help of a magical narrator (Robert Scott Smith), Blue finds a Jolly Troop of birds and sets off on an adventure to find a legendary tiger, whose tail might have magical healing powers. Director Alexandra Harbold’s production has a genuinely fantastical quality, combining projected digital animation of Blue’s colorful bird friends (by BYU Animation Program alum Jarom Neumann) with a simple, versatile set and stunning props, like a puppeteered tiger’s head. As the only visible human actors, Archer and Smith carry the show through energetic performances ideal for young audiences. But the show also radiates a labor-of-love effort, part of the bigger project by Graham to collaborate with children on telling the stories of their critical illnesses. Climbing With Tigers offers a charming and whimsical presentation of a family-friendly narrative, while managing to connect emotionally with the struggle to be brave when every day is a struggle. (Scott Renshaw) Climbing With Tigers @ Salt Lake Acting Co., 168 W. 500 North, 801-363-7522, through March 27, Tuesday-Friday, 7 p.m.; Saturday, 3 p.m. & 7 p.m.; Sunday, 1 p.m. & 6 p.m., $15-$25. SaltLakeActingCompany.org

THURSDAY 3.10

Pygmalion Productions: Selma ‘65 Pygmalion Productions’ Selma ’65 starts out like a movie. A screen displays images from the civil rights movement, while audio clips of activists such as Martin Luther King Jr. can be heard over the speakers. These audio visual aids are used throughout Selma ‘65, but it’s Tracie Merrill (pictured)—as the one-woman show taking on the roles of both Viola Liuzzo and Tommy Rowe—who brings this true story to life. The narrative follows the march from Selma to Montgomery, Ala., in March 1965, as Viola, a white woman living in Detroit, transports volunteers to their homes with the help of a young black man named Leroy. Viola tells Leroy about her childhood in the segregated South, her children and her third husband. Meanwhile, Tommy, an FBI informant undercover with the Ku Klux Klan, gives his account about the operation to his handlers, along with a few personal details that mirror Viola’s life. Eventually, Tommy and Viola’s lives intersect in a horrific way. Merrill effortlessly moves between the performances as Viola and Tommy; under the direction of Lane Richins, with lighting by Pilar Davis, it’s always evident which role she’s playing. Merrill makes playwright Catherine Filloux’s story come to life—even if it’s not the most well-known event from this important part of U.S. history. At times, it’s not easy to watch, but Selma ’65 is another reminder of how far we’ve come as a nation and how far we have yet to go. (Missy Bird) Pygmalion Productions: Selma ’65 @ Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, 801-355-2787, through March 19, ThursdaySaturday, 7:30 p.m., Sunday, 2 p.m., $20. PygmalionProductions.org

ENTERTAINMENT PICKS MARCH 10, 2016

Complete Listings Online @ CityWeekly.net

SATURDAY 3.12

After more than a decade, Giuseppe Verdi’s grand opera Aida is returning to Salt Lake City. The five Utah Opera performances taking place in March feature a production totally new to Utah audiences. Stage director Garnett Bruce previously oversaw Utah Opera’s critically acclaimed 2014 production of Madame Butterfly, and with this upcoming show, he’ll tackle the challenge of evoking Egyptian legend and historical events using song and dance. Two Metropolitan Opera and Utah Opera veteran performers appear in the show: soprano Jennifer Check in the title role, and bass-baritone Alfred Walker in the role of her father, Amonasro. Marc Heller will tackle the role of Egyptian warrior Radames, and Katharine Goeldner makes her Utah Opera debut with the role of priestess Amneris. Daniel Charon is the choreographer for the show, while Ari Pelto serves as music conductor and Alice Bristow is costume designer. The central drama focuses on the love triangle between Radames, Amneris and Aida. Verdi wrote Aida as a commission from the Khedive of Egypt for the opening of the new Cairo Opera House, and it remains one of the most important works in the Italian opera repertoire. Utah Opera principal coach Carol Anderson offers a free opera prelude lecture in the Capitol Room one hour before curtain for each show. There will also be a free Q&A session held by artistic director Christopher McBeth immediately following each performance. (Shawna Meyer) Utah Opera: Aida @ Capitol Theatre, 50 W. 200 South, 801-355-2787, March 12, 14, 16 & 18, 7:30 p.m.; March 20, 2 p.m., $18-$107. UtahOpera.org

It’s time to don every shade of green you’ve got, blare your House of Pain playlist, and make your way over to The Gateway as the St. Patrick’s Day Parade commands the streets of downtown Salt Lake City. 2016 marks the 100th anniversary of the founding of the Irish Republic, and to help commemorate the occasion across the globe, the Hibernian Society has been holding events including free film screenings and live performances, which will be taking place through April 11. But the biggest event is the annual parade that runs seven blocks on the city’s west side. The parade itself features a cavalcade of local businesses (including City Weekly) and supporters of the Irish community, including some of Utah’s most impressive bagpipers in full attire, as well as a slew of local celebrities, politicians, non-profits and many proud Irish families showing off their heritage. The party carries on after the parade is finished. The society hosts its annual Siamsa, this year at The Complex. There you can enjoy traditional Irish food, music and dance while getting to know many of those who help put these events together. If history is any guide, there’s a 50/50 chance Mother Nature may not play nice, so remember to bring a jacket, just in case. (Gavin Sheehan) St. Patrick’s Day Parade @ The Gateway, 300 N. 300 West to 200 S. 500 West, Salt Lake City, March 12, setup at 9 a.m., parade at 10 a.m.; Siamsa @ The Complex, 536 W. 100 South, 11:30 a.m., free. IrishInUtah.org

Utah Opera: Aida

St. Patrick’s Day Parade

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A&E

VISUAL ART

Still Popping After 50 years, Peter Max still finds a life of art “fantastic.” BY MATTHEW KUNES comments@cityweekly.net @MattKunes

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ou can tell a lot about a person from what words they use. Legendary pop artist Peter Max, for instance, loves the word “fantastic.” His art, in many senses, embodies every sense of that word. March 12 marks the opening of a retrospective exhibit at the Old Towne Gallery in Park City featuring Max’s most popular works, spanning his career of more than half a century. The exhibit starts with a preview party March 11 at 6 p.m. Max’s style owes a lot to the Pop Art movement of the 1960s—it embodies much of the era’s psychedelic flair and iconography. When he opened his studio in New York in 1962, his posters began showing up everywhere, garnering him nearly instant fame and recognition as he started appearing on television and radio and in magazines. “It was mind-boggling. Every day, everywhere it was fantastic,” Max says as he remembers that time. “It was sort of the beginning of [that] media, and I explored it, and it was amazing.” “Amazing” is another of Max’s favorite words, and it serves as a perfect description of his unusual childhood. Born in Germany in 1937, he fled the Nazi regime with his family a year later, settling down in Shanghai for the first decade of his life. His family then moved to Israel and, after that, to various homes in Europe, before finally settling down in New York City. Though Max says he never imagined he would build a career as an artist, from his earliest days, he always loved to draw. “I never [knew] that would be something I would be doing for my life,” Max tells City Weekly. “So I did that, and I was very lucky.” He was encouraged by his parents and teachers throughout his childhood, while the varied landscapes he traveled through his early life influenced much of his later professional work. When living briefly in Tibet as a child, for instance, Max was entranced by the local culture, which informed much of his personal philosophy and career. “I studied a little of Buddhism, and I was interested; it always made sense to me,” Max says. “I got involved in yoga, which comes from India and so forth, and as I got older, I got more and more involved in these spiritual cultures.” His art also conveys his love of astronomy, a fixation on the cosmic that also served to define in part the art and culture of the ’60s. The inclusion of stars, planets

and other familiar astronomical icons became a defining feature of his work. “I was very, very much addicted to the knowledge of how big the universe is, and it was mind-boggling how big it is,” Max says. “By now they know [the universe is] like a billion times as big as they thought, maybe billions of times as big. It’s unbelievable.” That last word is another favorite, one that easily describes Max’s varied and colorful career. As recently as 2012, he was commissioned by the Norwegian Cruise Ship line to paint the side of the Norwegian Breakaway, done in a style evoking the culture of his adopted home, New York City. He has also done work for the World Cup, the Olympics and the Super Bowl; for U.S. Presidents Ford, Carter, Reagan, Bush, Clinton and Obama; for the Dalai Lama; and numerous other works. “If it’s interesting to me, then I do it,” he says. Behind the fame lies an artist who loves what he does. His signature style usually features a full spectrum of color, with deep vivid hues that speak to an optimism underlying much of his work. “I just fell in love with what was available in color,” Max says. “You blend, let’s say, yellow and red, and you create orange, and opposite orange is blue and it just went on and on through all these possibilities. It was fantastic for me.” Given the themes that pervade his work, it’s completely unsurprising to find that Max loves music, who describes himself as a fan of “all styles.” The infinite combinations he sees in music mirror his own ex-

“Cosmic Park City” by Peter Max

tensive work in light, color and visual composition. “I always draw and paint when music is around, whether it’s radio, earphones, headsets,” he says. “I get inspired. It’s become very natural to me to be flowing with it.” Longtime fans and newcomers to Max’s work will both find much to admire in the Old Towne Gallery exhibit. When he describes the exhibit, Max says it features “a full spectrum” of his work, an oddly apt word choice. All things considered, Peter Max simply loves making art. “It’s a tremendous amount of fun for me to do, and there are no boundaries,” he says. “Sometimes I go left, sometimes I go right, sometimes I go through it, sometimes I’m completely reinventing myself, sometimes I’m copying myself. It just goes on and on, in every direction.” CW

PETER MAX

Old Towne Gallery 580 Main, Park City 435-655-3910 March 12-20 Preview March 11, 6 p.m. Artist receptions March 19, 6-9 p.m.; March 20, 1-4 p.m. OldTowneGallery.com

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FRIDAY 3.11

Pablo Francisco It sometimes feels like a kiss of death for a comedian to be labeled an “impressionist.” There’s a suggestion that there’s nothing to their act but funny voices, and that the success of their comedy is built on how much those funny voices resemble real voices. Pablo Francisco may have a gift for mimicry, but those versatile vocal cords are about more than pretending to be Cher or legendary movie-trailer announcer Don LaFontaine. On his Comedy Central specials They Put It Out There and Ouch!, Francisco applies his talents to other funky sounds. So when he fires up a routine about the guttural lyrical stylings of death metal, he can inhabit the singers when they say, “My musical influences are Cookie Monster … and Jabba the Hutt.” And yes, when he presents a fake movie trailer imagining Jackie Chan as a standup comedian—well, it’s almost like you could close your eyes and see it all unfold right in front of you. (Scott Renshaw) Pablo Francisco @ Wiseguys Salt Lake City, 194 S. 400 West, 801-532-5233, March 10, 7:30 p.m.; March 11-12, 7:30 p.m. & 9:30 p.m.; $20. WiseguysComedy.com

PERFORMANCE

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THEATER

CHILDREN’S STORYTIMES AT

Third Wednesday of Every Month 5 p.m.

Suess After School

Thursday Morning Storytime 11 a.m.

March Feature Curious George

www.theprintedgarden.com

As You Like It Studio 115, 240 S. 1500 East, 801-581-6448, March 10-12, 7:30 p.m.; March 12 matinee, 2 p.m., Theatre.Utah.edu Aida Utah Opera, Capitol Theatre, 50 W. 200 South, 801-355-2787, March 12, 14, 16 & 18, 7:30 p.m., March 20, 2 p.m., UtahOpera.org (see p. 18) Climbing With Tigers Salt Lake Acting Co., 168 W. 500 North, 801-363-7522, through March 27, Fridays, 7 p.m.; Saturdays, 3 & 7 p.m.; Sundays, 1 & 6 p.m., SaltLakeActingCompany.org (see p. 18) The Crucible CenterPoint Legacy Theatre, 525 N. 400 West, Centerville, 801-298-1302, through March 19, Monday & Thursday-Saturday, 7 p.m., CenterPointTheatre.org Dirty Rotten Scoundrels Egyptian Theatre, 328 Main, Park City, 435-649-9371, March 11, 12 & 17-19, 8 p.m.; March 13 & 20, 6 p.m., EgyptianTheatreCompany.org Disney’s Beauty and the Beast CenterPoint Legacy Theatre, 525 N. 400 West, Centerville, 801-298-1302, through March 26, MondaySaturday, 7:30 p.m., CenterPointTheatre.org Disney’s Beauty and the Beast Draper Historic Theatre, 12366 S. 900 East, through March 19, Friday, Saturday & Monday, 7:30 p.m., DraperTheatre.org Doubt: A Parable Utah Repertory Theater Co., Sorensen Unity Center, 1383 S. 900 West, 435612-0037, through March 20, UtahRep.org A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum Empress Theatre, 9104 W. 2700 South, Magna, 801-347-7373, March 11 & 12, 7:30 p.m., EmpressTheatre.com Greece is the Word The Off Broadway Theatre, 272 S. Main, 801-355-4628, March 11-April 16, Monday, Friday & Saturday, 7:30 p.m., TheOBT.org Hamlet Utah Shakespeare Festival, Utah Cultural Celebration Center, 1355 W. 3100 South, West Valley, 801-965-5100, March 14, 7 p.m.; March 15, 10 a.m., CulturalCelebration.org Honor Killing Pioneer Theatre Co., Play-By-Play Reading, 300 S. 1400 East, 801-581-6961, March 11 & 12, 8 p.m.; March 12, 2 p.m., PioneerTheatre.org Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat Hale Center Theater Orem, 225 W.

400 North, Orem, 801-226-8600, through April 9, Monday-Friday, 7:30 p.m.; Saturday 3 p.m. & 7:30 p.m., HaleTheater.org My Valley Fair Lady Desert Star Theatre, 4861 S. State, Murray, 801-266-2600, through March 19, Monday & Wednesday-Saturday, multiple showtimes, DesertStar.biz The Pirate Queen Hale Centre Theatre, 3333 S. Decker Lake Drive, 801-984-9000, through April 2, weekdays, 7:30 p.m.; Saturdays, 12:30 p.m., 4 p.m., & 7:30 p.m., HCT.org Selma ‘65 Pygmalion Theater Co., Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, 801-355-2787, through March 19, PygmalionProductions.org (see p. 18) The Taste of Sunrise Harris Fine Arts Center, 1 University Hill, Provo, 801-422-2981, March 10-12, 16-19 & 22-25, 7:30 p.m.; March 19 & 26, 2 p.m., Arts.BYU.edu

DANCE

Shut Up & Dance Series: Romeo & Juliet, Carmen, The Prodigals and MJ Kingsbury Hall, 1395 Presidents Circle, 801-495-3262, through March 19, various shows, dates & times, OdysseyDance.com The Snow Maiden Covey Center for the Arts, 425 West Center St., Provo, 801-852-7007, March 14-15, 7:30 p.m., CoveyCenter.org

CLASSICAL & SYMPHONY

After Dark Series Members of the Utah Symphony, The Red Door, 57 W. 200 South, March 11, 7 p.m., MOTUSAfterDark.com Glorious Gershwin American West Symphony and Chorus of Sandy, The Theater at Mount Jordan, 9351 S. Mountaineer Lane, Sandy, March 12, 8 p.m., Facebook.com/ AmericanWestSymphony Old, New, Borrowed & Blue: A Performance by Double or Nothing, a Double Reed Ensemble Alpine Church, 254 W. 2675 North, Layton, 801-546-8575, March 11, 7:30 p.m., DavisArts.org Salty Cricket Living Masters Series: Samuel Adler Art 270 Gallery, 270 S. Main, March 11, 7:30 p.m., SaltyCricket.org

COMEDY & IMPROV

Comedy Sportz Comedy Sportz, 36 West Center

moreESSENTIALS St., Provo, 801-377-9700, Thursdays-Saturdays, 8 p.m., ComedySportzUtah.com Laughing Stock Improv The Off Broadway Theatre, 272 S. Main, 801-355-4628, Fridays & Saturdays, 10 p.m., LaughingStock.us Pablo Francisco Wiseguys Salt Lake City, 194 S. 400 West, 801-532-5233, March 10, 7:30 p.m.; March 11-12, 7:30 p.m. & 9:30 p.m., WiseguysComedy.com (see p. 22) Shawn Paulsen Wiseguys Ogden, 269 25th St., Ogden, 801-622-5588, March 11-12, 8 p.m., WiseguysComedy.com Quickwits Midvale Performing Arts Center, 695 W. Center St., Midvale, 801-824-0523, Saturdays, 10 p.m., QWComedy.com

LITERATURE AUTHOR APPEARANCES

SPECIAL EVENTS FESTIVALS & FAIRS

Downtown Winter Market Rio Grande Depot, 300 S. Rio Grande St., alternate Saturdays through April 23, 10 a.m.-2 p.m., SLCFarmersMarket.org Interkultur Festival Covey Center for the Arts, 425 W. Center St., Provo, March 15-19, Calendar.BYU.edu International Women’s Night Out Global Village Gifts, 69 E. 100 North, Logan, 435-7134347, March 11, 6-9 p.m., GlobalVillageGifts.org Spring Home & Garden Festival South Towne Expo Center, 9575 S. State, Sandy, March 11, noon10 p.m.; March 12, 10 a.m.-10 p.m.; March 13, 11 a.m.-6 p.m., SaltLakeTribuneHomeShow.com

ST. PATRICK’S DAY EVENTS

4th West Fest St. Patrick’s Day After-Party Mountain West Hard Cider, 425 N. 400 West, March 12, 11 a.m.-4 p.m., MountainWestCider.com Celtic Celebration Peerys Egyptian Theater, 2415 Washington Blvd., Ogden, 801-689-8700, March 12, 7:30 p.m., EgyptianTheaterOgden.com Leprechaun Lope 10K, 5K and 2 mile Fun Run Utah State Capitol, 350 N. State, March 12, 8:30 a.m., IrishInUtah.org Pat Waters: The Signatories 1916 Fort Douglas Post Theatre, 245 S. Fort Douglas Blvd., March 12, 7:30 p.m., IrishInUtah.org St. Patrick’s Day Parade Starts at 400 W. 200 North, continues south through The Gateway to 200 South, March 12, 10 a.m., IrishInUtah.org (see p. 18) St. Patrick’s Day Siamsa The Complex, 536 W. 100 South, March 12, 11:30 a.m., IrishInUtah.org

TALKS & LECTURES

65th Annual Reynolds Lecture: Leticia Alvarez Gutiérrez, Ana Antunes, Patrick Poulin, Tino Nyawelo & Jane Dyer Libby Gardner Hall, 1375 E. Presidents Circle, 810-5856375, March 10, 6-9 p.m., Utah.edu Laurel Thatcher Ulrich: Beyond Letters and Diaries: Unexpected Sources in Women’s History Marriott Library, 295 S. 1500 East, 801-581-3421, March 10, 7 p.m., Utah.edu

VISUAL ART GALLERIES & MUSEUMS

Anna Prosvirova: Iris and Orchid Collection Day-Riverside Library, 1575 W. 1000 North, 801-594-8632, through March 27, SLCPL.org Barbara Ellard: Organic Geometry Art Access Gallery, 230 S. 500 West Ste. 125, 801328-0703, through March 11, Monday-Friday, AccessArt.org Carsten Meier: DAM Art Access Gallery, 230 S. 500 West Ste. 25, 801-328-0703, through March 11, AccessArt.org Chasing Light Utah Arts Festival Gallery, 230 S. 500 West, through March 11, 801-230-9420, UAF.org/gallery Elaine Coombs and Heather Patterson: Second State J GO Gallery, 408 Main, Park City, 435649-1006, through March 19, JGoGallery.com History of Photography: Recent Work by Laurel Caryn Alice Gallery, 617 E. South Temple, 801-245-7272, March 11-May 6, Heritage.Utah.gov Ice: New paintings by Philip Buller Julie Nester Gallery, 1280 Iron Horse Drive, Park City, 435-649-

7855, through March 29, JulieNesterGallery.com Idealogue Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through July 23, UtahMOCA.org Inception J GO Gallery, 408 Main, Park City, 435649-1006, through March 11, JGOGallery.com Kevin Red Star Modern West Fine Art, 177 E. 200 South, 801-355-3383, through March 12, ModernWestFineArt.com Parlay: Paintings by Trent Call Marmalade Branch Library, 280 W. 500 North, 801-5948680, through April 22, SLCPL.org Paul Crow: Here Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, 801-3284201, through April 30, UtahMOCA.org Peter Max: A Retrospective Old Towne Gallery, 580 Main, Park City, 435-655-3910, March 11, 6-8 p.m.; March 12, 10 a.m.-8 p.m.; March 19, 6-9 p.m.; March 20, 1-4 p.m., OldTowneGallery.com (see p. 20) A Public Spectacle Essay: Letterpress works by Emily Dyer Barker Sweet Library, 455 F Street, 801-594-8951, through April 16, SLCPL.org Rachel Cardenas Stallings: Laugh Attack Mestizo Institute of Culture & Arts, 631 W. North Temple Ste. 700, through March 11, Facebook.com/MestizoArts Raw and Cooked Rio Gallery, 300 S. Rio Grande St., 801-245-7270, through March 11, Heritage.Utah.gov Sharon Alderman & John Erickson Phillips Gallery, 444 E. 200 South, 801-364-8293, through March 11, Phillips-Gallery.com Una Pett: Little by Little Finch Lane Gallery, 1340 E. 100 South, 801-596-5000, through April 18, SaltLakeArts.org Yoshua Okon: Oracle Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, 801-3284201, through April 30, UtahMOCA.org

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

Dual Memoirists Duel: Josh Hanagarne and Jasmin Singer Weller Book Works, 607 Trolley Square, 801-328-2586, March 12, 7 p.m., WellerBookWorks.com Kaki Olsen: Swan and Shadow The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, 801-4849100, March 11, 7-9 p.m., KingsEnglish.com Pat Carman: Voyagers: Omega Rising The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, 801484-9100, March 14, 7 p.m., KingsEnglish.com Play Reading: The Elaborate Entrance of Chad Deity Weller Bookworks, 607 Trolley Square, 801328-2586, March 14, 8 p.m., WellerBookworks.com Roy Scranton: Learning to Die in the Anthropocene Weller Bookworks, 607 Trolley Square, 801-328-2586, March 10, 6 p.m., WellerBookworks.com

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MARCH 10, 2016 | 23

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24 | MARCH 10, 2016

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Corning your own beef for St. Paddy’s day is a cinch. BY TED SCHEFFLER comments@cityweekly.net @critic1

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ill you be enjoying corned beef and cabbage this St. Patrick’s Day? You should. It’s very easy to make. In fact, corning your own beef is no more complicated than brining a chicken or turkey (although it does take longer). If you’re going to make your own corned beef from scratch— which will be so much better than prepared corned beef from the supermarket—you’ll need to get started right away. Like I said, it’s not difficult to corn your own beef, but it will take about five days, so plan accordingly if you want to eat it on St. Paddy’s Day. Regarding the origins of corned beef in America, according to Michael Feldman, owner of Feldman’s Deli in Salt Lake City, “Creativity was used to develop tasty kosher meats from cheap cuts like brisket, navel or tongue, employing old European preserving techniques. The kosher salt used to infuse meat with flavor, for example, looked like kernels of corn, which lead to the term ‘corned’ beef.” There is much debate among food historians as to whether or not corned beef is actually of Irish origin. Apparently, corned beef can be traced back to the 12th century in Ireland. The first time it’s mentioned in print is in the poem “Vision of MacConglinne.” However, it is described as a king’s delicacy. For most of the Irish, cattle were kept for milk and not slaughtered for food. Anyone who did eat beef in 12th-century Ireland probably would have eaten it fresh, because salt (a preservative) was prohibitively expensive. Many historians think that it wasn’t until the 18th-century wave of Irish immigration to the United States and Canada that most Irish people tasted corned beef. As Feldman mentioned, both beef and salt were relatively cheap and readily available here, while they were luxury items in Ireland. Regardless of the history of the dish, corned beef and cabbage will not be on most dinner plates of the Emerald Isle come St. Patrick’s Day. Most of it will be served to tourists. Although it does turn up on some Irish tables, it’s more likely to be served at Easter time. I’ve asked Irish friends about eating corned beef and cabbage on St. Paddy’s Day, and most can’t figure out why we do so here in America. “It’s so plain,” said a friend. The Irish themselves seem to prefer a dish called boiled bacon and cabbage, which uses a shoulder cut of brined pork. Still, I absolutely love corned beef, so I’ll be

keeping with my tradition of forcing my corned beef and cabbage down the gullets of my family and guests on St. Patrick’s Day. Ingredients for making your own corned beef from scratch are readily available at most grocers. The exception might be pink salt, but I’ve found pink salt at places like Harmons and even Home Goods. You could always order it online or just skip it. It’s not essential, but pink salt gives corned beef its deep red color. There are probably as many different recipes for corning beef as there are cooks who make it. I happen to like Michael Ruhlman’s method and ingredients for corning beef, which appears in his book Charcuterie: The Craft of Salting, Smoking and Curing:

Corned Beef Recipe

(Serves 8-10) 1-1/2 cups kosher salt 1/2 cup sugar 4 teaspoons pink salt (sodium nitrite), optional 3 cloves garlic, minced 4 tablespoons pickling spice 1 5-pound beef brisket 1 carrot, peeled and roughly chopped 1 medium onion, peeled and cut in two 1 celery stalk, roughly chopped Combine 1 gallon of water in a large pot or Dutch oven with the kosher salt, sugar, pink salt (if used), garlic and 2 tablespoons of the pickling spice. Bring to a simmer and stir until the salt and sugar are dissolved. Remove from heat and let cool to room temperature, then refrigerate until chilled. Once the brine is chilled, place the bris-

Corned beef from Ted Scheffler’s kitchen ket in the pot and weigh it down with something like a dinner plate to keep it submerged in the brine. Put it in the fridge and forget about it for five days. When you’re ready to cook the corned beef, remove the brisket from the brine and rinse it thoroughly with water. Place the brisket in a pot just large enough to hold it. Cover with water and add the remaining 2 tablespoons of pickling spice, carrot, onion and celery. Bring to a boil over high heat, reduce heat to low and cover. Simmer gently until the brisket is fork-tender, about three hours, adding more water if needed to cover brisket. Keep warm until ready to serve. Don’t worry; it’s pretty hard to overcook corned beef. The meat can be refrigerated for several days in its cooking liquid. Reheat the corned beef in the cooking liquid or serve chilled. Slice thinly and serve on a sandwich or with additional vegetables and potatoes simmered until tender in the cooking liquid.

If you decide to opt out of making your own corned beef, plenty of Irish-themed pubs, bars and restaurants will surely have some available over the holiday. Some of the spots that are sure to be brimming with green include MacCool’s Public House, Piper Down Olde World Pub, Fiddler’s Elbow, Flanagan’s, Molly Bloom’s, Murphy’s Bar & Grill, Maggie McGee’s, The Republican, Leprechaun Inn, Rock and Reilly’s, Green Pig Pub and Poplar Street Pub. Erin go bragh! CW

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On Wednesday, March 16, Peggi Ince-Whiting, executive chef of Kyoto (1080 E. 1300 South, 801-487-3525, KyotoSLC.com) hosts a “Chef’s Table” Sake Dinner. The four-course dinner paired with several styles of fine sake begins at 6:30 p.m., and will be “served at one of our special communal chef’s tables. It’s a great way to enjoy Kyoto’s beautiful tatami-style rooms while learning more about fine sake styles from our knowledgeable service staff,” Ince-Whiting says. Among the featured menu items and pairings are baconwrapped shrimp and crab wontons with Momokawa Pearl Nigori Genshu Sake; toro (fatty tuna), sawara (giant mackerel), hamachi (yellowtail), sake (salmon) and umi masu (ocean trout) sushi and sashimi paired with Hakutsuru Junmai Daiginjo Premium Sake; and miso-marinated black cod with Rihaku “Wondering Poet” Junmai Ginjo Premium Sake, followed by dessert. The cost for the dinner with sake pairings is $60 per person; without sake, it’s $35. Seating is limited and reservations are required.

Absinthe & Oysters

Enjoy an early evening (4-5:30 p.m. on March 12) of absinthe and oysters at Under Current Club (279 S. 300 East, UnderCurrentClub.com) as general manager Amy Eldredge and beverage director Jim Santangelo lead attendees through an educational tasting of three different absinthe brands paired with fresh oysters. The cost is $55 per person. Phone 801-574-2556 to RSVP.

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

FOOD MATTERS

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Happy Birthday to Tuscany restaurant (2832 E. 6200 South, 801-277-9919, TuscanySLC. com), which turns 20 this month. That’s quite an achievement! Congrats to Mark Eaton and the rest of the Tuscany gang. Every night during March, Tuscany will feature a “retro” menu item and pricing from 1996. You can check out its Facebook page (Facebook.com/ TuscanySLC) for details. In addition, Tuscany is having a 20-year anniversary sweepstakes with a chance to win a weekend for four in Moab, Easter brunch for a party of eight, five $100 gift certificates and five $50 gift certificates. Ask your Tuscany server for details. Quote of the week: Eternity: two people and a ham.

26 | MARCH 10, 2016

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Irish Whiskey Afternoon Sipping Tullamore D.E.W. with whiskey expert Tim Herlihy BY TED SCHEFFLER comments@cityweekly.net @critic1

hen an Irishman who has embarked on a 30-day mission to drink at pubs in all 50 United States popped into town recently, how could I say no to the opportunity to sip whiskey with him? He’d just been to Hawaii and Alaska, and came through Salt Lake City on his way to Albuquerque, N.M. It was an invitation I couldn’t resist. Tim Herlihy looks barely old enough to drink, dressed casually in Converse lowtops and rolling his carry-on suitcase into Piper Down. He’s the New York City-based brand ambassador for Tullamore D.E.W., which means a lot of his time is spent traveling the country and educating all interested

parties about Irish whiskey in general, and of Tullamore D.E.W., in particular. It’s a tough job, but somebody has to do it. Herlihy is very good at his job. In 2015, Whisky Magazine named him one of its Icons of Whisky as Best Irish Whiskey Ambassador. Not a big whiskey drinker myself, I asked Herlihy for a primer in Irish whiskey versus Scotch. Both are made from grain, but that’s about as much as I knew. For starters (and most obviously), Irish whiskey must be distilled and aged solely in Ireland, just as Scotch whiskey must be made in Scotland. Most Irish whiskey is tripledistilled (which is the case with Tullamore D.E.W.), while most Scotch whiskey is distilled twice. But probably the biggest difference in Scotch versus Irish is the use of peat in Scotland, which lends smoky notes to most Scotch whiskeys. Irish whiskeys tend to have a smoother finish. One thing that separates Tullamore D.E.W. from other Irish whiskeys is that it’s a blend of three types of Irish whiskey: grain, malted barley and pot-still whiskey. This blend results in a whiskey that is smooth—even buttery—but also complex. As I take my first sip of Tullamore D.E.W. Original ($28), Herlihy explains the name of the company for which he works. “Tullamore D.E.W. gets its name from both the town of Tullamore located right in the center, right in the heart of Ireland,” he

DRINK says, “while the D.E.W. in Tullamore D.E.W. is named after Daniel E. Williams, a man who went to work at the old Tullamore Distillery at the age of 14. Daniel then climbed his way up the corporate ladder of the distillery and eventually went on to own it. When he bought the Tullamore Distillery he lent his initials to every bottle, which spelt D.E.W.” Anyone who hails from Termonfeckin, Ireland, has to have a hearty sense of humor, and, as a Termonfeckinite, Tim Herlihy does. He’s outgoing and very funny but still somewhat low-key. You wouldn’t think to call him a “salesman”; he was almost as keen on talking about Utah’s whiskeys as he was his own. Tullamore D.E.W. 12-Year-Old Special Reserve ($42) is unique. Its texture is creamy, and

there are distinct chocolate notes. But it’s also loaded with spice; the tip of my tongue burned like I’d been chewing on jalapeños, and I loved it. As I enjoyed my Special Reserve, I mentioned that I was planning to visit Paris soon. To my surprise, Herlihy told me that the bar with the world’s largest Irish whiskey selection—over 330 of them— is in Paris. Naturally, it’s called Patrick’s. Tim Herlihy will wind up his U.S. pub crawl on St. Patrick’s Day in New York City at his favorite Manhattan bar, The Dead Rabbit. On the way to drop him off at the airport, I ask Herlihy if he doesn’t ever get tired of drinking whiskey. “Not really,” he responds, “I’m Irish.” And with that, he rolls his luggage from the curb, destined to find the High West Distillery outpost at Salt Lake City International Airport. CW

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At Goodwood Barbecue Co., barbecue cooking is “slow and low” in a closed pit using indirect heat and select hardwoods. Begin your Goodwood meal with spinach-artichoke dip, a smoked chicken quesadilla or the “Ultimate Nachos.” As for barbecue, it’s hard to go wrong here, but try the Texas Hill Country beef brisket, slow-smoked pulled pork, apple-smoked turkey breast and the smoker German-style sausage. 133 E. 12300 South, Draper, 801-495-4840; 4237 S. Riverdale Road, Riverdale, 801-393-0426, GoodwoodBBQ.com

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At Cafe Shambala, the daily lunch buffet is always popular. Everyone loves the momos—a Nepalese take on Chinese potstickers, as well as the eclectic mix of Tibetan, Indian and Chinese cuisine. Vegetarians will appreciate the plentiful veggie-based offerings, in addition to vegan dishes. Many Chinese dishes pepper the menu, including chow mein, beef with broccoli and fried rice. For an interesting beverage, try chat (a Tibetan sweet tea) and the kheer (rice pudding) for dessert. 382 E. Fourth Ave., Salt Lake City, 801-364-8558

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BROTHERS GRIMSBY

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CINEMA

In The Brothers Grimsby, the Sacha Baron Cohen who mocked smallmindedness is gone. BY MARYANN JOHANSON comments@cityweekly.net @MaryannJohanson

en years ago, in Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, Sacha Baron Cohen held up clueless white-male privilege, racist cruelty and idiotic sexism (among other petty small-mindednesses) as worthy of ridicule. Three years after that, in Brüno, he held up straight men’s gay panic (as well as other kneejerk ignorances and superficialities) as deserving of derision. But the daring and fearless cultural critic that Baron Cohen once was would be appalled by the crass viciousness of The Brothers Grimsby. He has made himself the target of his former self with a witless action “comedy” that embraces the lowest forms of cruelty and bigotry. It wallows in anti-intellectualism, and celebrates poor-bashing as great good fun. The Brothers Grimsby is a soul-crushing experience not only for what it is itself, but for what it represents about the downfall of a comic who previously displayed genuine creative genius: He has become what he once rightly disdained. He now panders to those he once rightly mocked. Ten years ago, Baron Cohen would be dismayed at the glee with which today’s Baron Cohen invites us to laugh at his portrayal—as star and co-writer—of Nobby Butcher, who doesn’t work, has 11 kids, proudly announces the welfare scams that bring money into the household, and enjoys shooting fireworks out of his ass down at the pub. Ten years ago, Baron Cohen might have held up for ridicule the 1 percenters who reduced Nobby’s hometown of Grimsby—a working-class city in the north of England—to a post-industrial hellscape, but here it is only the unemployed poor who come in for abuse. They drink too much, have too many kids and are generally disgusting slobs living the high life on the gov-

ernment teat. (Here’s another movie, along with London Has Fallen, that Donald Trump supporters will love.) But even after holding up Nobby as a happy-yet-revolting moron, Grimsby expects us to feel something akin to tenderness for him when he finally finds his longlost brother, Sebastian (Mark Strong), who was adopted separately when they were orphaned as children. Sebastian is now a top agent with MI-6—smart, sleek and supremely competent, the precise opposite of Nobby—but we cannot feel much kindness or generosity toward him, either. Even after Nobby has ruined one of Sebastian’s ops, injured the agent, further endangered the agent’s cover and life, and has even done some idiotic things that threaten world peace and stability, Sebastian still has not run away in the opposite direction. Any attempt on the movie’s part to create authentic brotherly feeling between the men is missing. In its place, we have a thoroughly fatuous spy send-up (directed by The Transporter’s Louis Leterrier), as Nobby tags along on Sebastian’s mission to stop a fiendish plot to kill millions. And that is subsumed to endlessly drawn-out scenes of penis panic—a new subset of gay panic that Baron Cohen appears to have invented— that are designed to engage the viewer’s presumed revulsion rather than pity it, as Circa-2006 Baron Cohen would have done. Grimsby presumes that the viewer will agree

Sacha Baron Cohen and Mark Strong in The Brothers Grimsby

that overweight women—not just Rebel Wilson as Nobby’s wife but, in a truly vile sequence, Gabourey Sidibe as a hotel maid— are gross, and the fact that Nobby finds them sexy is hilarious. On the other hand, Grimsby presumes that we will agree with Nobby that discovering that one of your pop-culture heroes is gay is the same as discovering that one of them is a rapist. And after all of this, we will be invited to consider that the very people that the movie has been offering up to us as poor, dumb and good for absolutely nothing are in fact the essential foundations of society. We do not buy it, not even a little bit. The movie itself doesn’t even seem to buy it. Grimsby is lazy, cheap, lurid and stupid. It is painfully unfunny and, worst of all, pointless. It is so short—well under 90 minutes— yet feels so endless. I don’t know how Sacha Baron Cohen found himself in this place; there may be a tragically sad story in that. But there can be no excuse for this movie. CW

THE BROTHERS GRIMSBY

Zero Stars Sacha Baron Cohen Mark Strong Rebel Wilson Rated R

TRY THESE The Transporter (2002) Jason Statham Qi Shu Rated R

Borat (2006) Sacha Baron Cohen Ken Levitan Rated R

Brüno (2009) Sacha Baron Cohen Gustaf Hammarsten Rated R

The Dictator (2012) Sacha Baron Cohen Anna Faris Rated R

CINEMA CLIPS

MOVIE TIMES AND LOCATIONS AT CITYWEEKLY.NET

NEW THIS WEEK Information is correct at press time. Film release schedules are subject to change. 10 CLOVERFIELD LANE [not yet reviewed] A woman (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) wakes up in the basement of a man (John Goodman) who claims there’s been an apocalyptic event in the outside world. Opens March 11 at theaters valleywide. (R) THE BROTHERS GRIMSBY ZERO STARS See review p. 30. Opens March 11 at theaters valleywide. (R)

SINGING WITH ANGELS BB Is it a fictionalized drama, or is it a feature-length commercial for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir? There’s more of the latter than the former in this story that follows a MoTabs singer named Aubrey Larson (Sarah Kent), flashing back and forth over the course of five years in the life of her family as the music of the choir—and her Mormon faith in general—gets them through a series of crises. Director Brian

THE YOUNG MESSIAH [not yet reviewed] Adaptation of Anne Rice’s novel focusing on the childhood of Jesus (Adam Greaves-Neal). Opens March 11 at theaters valleywide. (PG-13)

SPECIAL SCREENINGS GANGS OF NEW YORK At Brewvies, March 14, 10 p.m. (R) HERE COME THE VIDEOFREEX At Main Library, March 15, 7 p.m. (NR) YOUTH At Park City Film Series, March 11-12 @ 8 p.m., March 13 @ 6 p.m. (R)

THE BOY AND THE BEAST BBB Momoru Hosoda’s animated fantasy opens as 9-year-old runaway Ren runs slips through a magical doorway to a city populated by beasts, where he becomes apprentice to self-absorbed warrior Kumatetsu. The story dynamic is familiar, as the angry Ren finds a surrogate father and Kumatetsu learns patience from being a mentor. Such stuff is also spelled out quite explicitly; one character helpfully notes “Kumatetsu has grown more than the boy.” But even when it highlights every metaphor like a dogeared Cliffs Notes, there are still memorable directing choices, from Ren’s off-screen dispatch of a group of bullies to the psychic whale form taken by one villain. We’re all quite clear that it’s about letting go of anger before it consumes you—and it manages to be about that idea with some style. (NR)—SR LONDON HAS FALLEN .5B If only other stupid countries could be as awesome as America. After the British prime minister dies mysteriously, world leaders summoned to London for the funeral come under terrorist attack. The only survivor is U.S. President Asher (Aaron Eckhart), thanks to badass Secret Service agent Mike Banning (Gerard Butler), even though Banning concedes that he is made of nothing more than “bourbon and poor choices.” It is laughably beyond preposterous, all the security lapses in every single British service that is required for the swarthy men to pull off stupendously coordinated multiple attacks across a geographically sprawling city—though the astonishing aptitude of the attackers is meant to leave a fear-mongered audience pissing its pants. Even more vile than its propagandistic progenitor, Olympus Has Fallen, this is pure terror porn: racist, jingoistic and obnoxious. (PG-13)—MAJ WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT BBB John Requa and Glenn Ficarra strike a nice balance between “war is hell” and absurdist comedy in their adaptation of Kim Baker’s memoir about life as a journalist in U.S.-occupied Afghanistan from 2003 to 2006. Tina Fey plays Baker, a network copy writer/producer who volunteers to head to Kabul as a way to shake herself from a career rut, then finds herself getting hooked on the adrenaline-fueled insanity of the “Ka-bubble.” The narrative is almost entirely episodic, following Baker’s relationships with her makeshift Kabul family in a place where “normalcy” is an oxymoron. And while Fey seems far less comfortable with the drama than with the comedy—and the script by Robert Carlock is best in general when it’s funny—there’s still some bite in what is basically a “white lady trying to find herself” tale. (R)—SR

(2002)

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MONDAY 3/14

THE PERFECT MATCH [not reviewed] A woman finds that the new man in her life may be frighteningly possessive. Opens March 11 at Cinemark West Jordan. (R)

A WAR BB.5 Denmark’s nominee for Best Foreign Language Film Oscar overflows with potentially fascinating ideas, but can’t avoid the temptation to try covering all of them. For the first half, it alternates between two perspectives: In Afghanistan, Claus Pedersen (Pilou Asbæk) leads a group of Danish soldiers in dangerous territory; back at home, his wife Maria (Tuva Novotny) struggles with parenting their three children, including their increasingly volatile oldest son, without him. Each of those stories holds dramatic potential, and the reality of people feeling inadequate to their responsibilities, but juxtaposing them creates the awkward sense that writer/ director Tobias Lindholm wants Maria’s challenges to be seen as equally hard. The second hour shifts to Claus facing charges for one of his decisions in the field, but the potential morality play—does Claus’ role as father supersede his role as soldier, and can both Claus and Maria live with the consequences of trying to dodge the truth?—gets lost in the rudimentary courtroom drama. A narrative that could have excelled at emphasizing no-win choices suffers from a filmmaker who needed to make more hard choices himself. Opens March 4 at Broadway Centre Cinemas. (R)—SR

CURRENT RELEASES

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EMBRACE OF THE SERPENT BB.5 On some level, it feels like a weird sort of remake of Jim Jarmusch’s Dead Man, but writer/director Ciro Guerra’s Oscar-nominated drama bypasses any kind of deadpan charm for a beautifully made but pedantic lecture on European imperialism. The narrative weaves back and forth across several decades, focusing on two somewhat parallel early 20th-century journeys through the Colombian Amazon basin—one by ethnologist Theodor von Martius (Jan Bijvoet), later by American ethno-botanist Evan (Brionne Davis)—in search of a legendary plant, both guided by solitary shaman Karamakate (as a young man by Nilbio Torres, as an older man by Antonio Bolivar). The two journeys involve various encounters with indigenous people, all focused on the harm brought to the region by rubber barons, religious zealots and generally anyone Karamakate angrily refers to as “the whites.” And while a few of these episodes are compelling—particularly at a Spanish mission turned into the cult of a self-styled messiah—Guerra seems far less concerned with building characters or evocative images than with having Karamakate tell his white charges “You’ll devour everything” so that we can nod along. Hurray, simple wisdom vs. rapaciousness! Opens March 11 at Broadway Centre Cinemas. (NR)—Scott Renshaw

Brough occasionally approaches interesting material in the contentious relationship between Aubrey and her meddling mother-in-law (Anne Sward), and is wise enough to include plenty of beautiful choir music to provide the emotional centerpiece. But at its core, this is like a hundred other faith-based melodramas, with overwrought depictions of everything from grief to contemplations of suicide, and plentiful recommendations to pray about difficult life decisions. As sincere and occasionally effective as it may be at demonstrating what a community can do to support you when life gets hard, there likely would be more stirring drama in a Mormon Tabernacle Choir concert documentary. Opens March 11 at theaters valleywide. (PG)—SR

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THEATER DIRECTORY SALT LAKE CITY Brewvies Cinema Pub 677 S. 200 West 801-355-5500 Brewvies.com

PARK CITY Cinemark Holiday Village 1776 Park Ave. 800-326-3264 Cinemark.com

Broadway Centre Cinemas 111 E. 300 South 801-321-0310 SaltLakeFilmSociety.org

Redstone 8 Cinemas 6030 N. Market 435-575-0220 Redstone8Cinemas.com

Century 16 South Salt Lake 125 E. 3300 South 800-326-3264 Cinemark.com

DAVIS COUNTY AMC Loews Layton Hills 9 728 W. 1425 North, Layton 801-774-8222 AMCTheatres.com

Cinemark Sugar House 2227 S. Highland Drive 801-466-3699 Cinemark.com Water Gardens Cinema 6 1945 E. Murray-Holladay Road 801-273-0199 WaterGardensTheatres.com Megaplex 12 Gateway 165 S. Rio Grande St. 801-304-4636 MegaplexTheatres.com Redwood Drive-In 3688 S. Redwood Road 801-973-7088 Tower Theatre 836 E. 900 South 801-321-0310 SaltLakeFilmSociety.org WEST VALLEY 5 Star Cinemas 8325 W. 3500 South, Magna 801-250-5551 RedCarpetCinemas.com Carmike 12 1600 W. Fox Park Drive, West Jordan 801-562-5760 Carmike.com Cinemark 24 Jordan Landing 7301 S. Bangerter Highway 800-326-3264 Cinemark.com Cinemark Valley Fair Mall 3601 S. 2700 West, West Valley City 800-326-3264 Cinemark.com Showcase Cinemas 6 5400 S. Redwood Road, Taylorsville 801-957-9032 RedCarpetCinemas.com SOUTH VALLEY Century 16 Union Heights 7800 S. 1300 East, Sandy 800-326-3264 Cinemark.com Cinemark Draper 12129 S. State, Draper 801-619-6494 Cinemark.com Cinemark Sandy 9 9539 S. 700 East, Sandy 800-326-3264 Cinemark.com Megaplex Jordan Commons 9400 S. State, Sandy 801-304-INFO MegaplexTheatres.com Megaplex 20 at The District 11400 S. Bangerter Highway 801-304-INFO MegaplexTheatres.com

Cinemark Station Park 900 W. Clark Lane, Farmington 801-447-8561 Cinemark.com Cinemark Tinseltown USA 720 W. 1500 North, Layton 800-326-3264 Cinemark.com Gateway 8 206 S. 625 West, Bountiful 801-292-7979 RedCarpetCinemas.com Megaplex Legacy Crossing 1075 W. Legacy Crossing Blvd., Centerville 801-397-5100 MegaplexTheatres.com WEBER COUNTY Cinemark Tinseltown 14 3651 Wall Ave., Ogden 800-326-3264 Cinemark.com Megaplex 13 at The Junction 2351 Kiesel Ave., Ogden 801-304-INFO MegaplexTheatres.com UTAH COUNTY Carmike Wynnsong 4925 N. Edgewood Drive, Provo 801-764-0009 Carmike.com Cinemark American Fork 715 W. 180 North, American Fork 800-326-3264 Cinemark.com Cinemark Movies 8 2230 N. University Parkway, Orem 800-326-3264 Cinemark.com Cinemark Provo Town Center 1200 Town Center Blvd., Provo 800-326-3264 Cinemark.com Cinemark University Mall 1010 S. 800 East, Provo 800-326-3264 Cinemark.com Megaplex Thanksgiving Point 2935 N. Thanksgiving Way 801-304-INFO MegaplexTheatres.com Water Gardens Cinema 8 790 E. Expressway Ave. Spanish Fork 801-798-9777 WaterGardensTheatres.com Water Gardens Cinema 6 912 W. Garden Drive Pleasant Grove 801-785-3700 WaterGardensTheatres.com

CINEMA

CLIPS

MOVIE TIMES AND LOCATIONS AT CITYWEEKLY.NET

ZOOTOPIA BB.55 Spoiler alert: Zootopia is about how prejudice is bad. The premise—set in a world of integrated talking mammals—finds rookie rabbit police officer Judy (Ginnifer Goodwin) teamed with street hustler fox Nick (Jason Bateman) in the familiar but welcome rhythms of a “mismatched buddy cop” movie, as cheap, obvious animal-based pun gags are kept to a minimum. But there’s a lack of depth to the world-building, with habitat-based “ghettos” that are rarely relevant to the story, and a reliance on stereotype jokes that work against its own message. While there’s a welcome complexity to the way prejudice is addressed, and the relationship moments between Judy and Nick are earned, the ideas never sneak up on you emotionally. “Prejudice is bad” is an important idea to convey, with plenty of better ways to convey it. (PG)—SR

TRUE BY B I L L F RO S T @bill_frost

Party Down

Essential Tangential Inconsequential

Fox (re)tackles Saturday night with Party Over Here; The Americans digs deeper into the ’80s. Party Over Here Saturday, March 12 (Fox)

Crowded Tuesday, March 15 (NBC)

Series Debut: No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Quit trying to make a Criminal Minds “franchise” happen! Five years ago, CBS launched, and crashed, the ill-advised Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior, and the memory of Forest Whitaker and Janeane Garofalo straining to tolerate the show and each other still burns. Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders, an international-FBI twist, at least has a better cast (including CSI: NY’s Gary Sinise, Breaking Bad’s Anna Gunn and Forever’s Alana de la Garza), but still has little reason to exist because we already have a perfectly good Criminal Minds— even if the current Season 11 has been more uneven than a stack of dead hookers in an alley behind a Wichita waffle house (which I believe will be CM’s season-finale case).

The Americans Wednesday, March 16 (FX)

Season Premiere: When last we left The Americans, Ronald Reagan was giving his infamous 1983 “Evil Empire” speech, and a couple of actual Americans had been made aware of the true identities of “Americans” Philip (Matthew Rhys) and Elizabeth (Keri Russell) as undercover Russians working for the KGB. The big question at the onset of Season 4 is, who will meet their inevitable end first? Distraught daughter Paige’s (Holly Taylor) mutual-friend-of-Jesus, Pastor Tim (Kelly AuCoin) or Philip’s FBI informant, Martha (Alison Wright)? Let’s say Pastor Tim—dude’s creepy, even by early-’80s standards.

New Series: Further proof that There’s Too Many Shows: The premiere of SundanceTV’s Hap & Leonard slipped right by me last week—and The Only TV Column That Matters™ never misses anything even remotely connected to Mad Men’s Christina Hendricks! Based on a series of novels by Joe Lansdale, Hap & Leonard is a six-episode story about 1988 Texans Hap (James Purefoy) and Leonard (Michael K. Williams), a pair of luckless laborers dragged into a get-rich-suspiciously easy scheme by Hap’s ex-wife (Hendricks), who has a lead on a cool million residing at the bottom of a river from a botched heist 20 years earlier. But, what seems like a simple plan (or the 1998 flick A Simple Plan) soon spirals into a cacophony of conflicting agendas and colorful characters with Fargo-like comic-toviolent jolts. Catch up on Hap & Leonard now; the other Too Many Shows can wait. CW Listen to Bill Mondays at 8 a.m. on X96 Radio From Hell, and on the TV Tan podcast via iTunes, Stitcher and BillFrost.tv.

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M-Sat 8-6 • 9275 S 1300 W • 801-562-5496 • glovernursery.com

Hap and Leonard Wednesdays (SundanceTV)

Let us deliver Spring to you

Party Over Here (Fox)

Series Debut: After tonight, NBC will sentence Crowded to die on Sundays with The Carmichael Show—when was the last time any network besides Fox sustained a half-hour comedy on Sundays? Who besides a TV critic would know such a stat? Why am I talking to myself? Anyway: Crowded is yet another “multi-generational family comedy,” and a lazily written waste of the talents of Patrick Warburton (Rules of Engagement, every cartoon ever), Carrie Preston (True Blood), Miranda Cosgrove (iCarly), Mia Serafino (Shameless), Stacy Keach (everything) and Carlease Burke (Ballers), so it’s easy to see why NBC has zero faith. But, as he proved through—what was it? 58?—seasons on Rules of Engagement, Warburton can bring the funny to even the bleakest, laugh-track-ridden sitcom hellscapes, and Preston ain’t bad, either (as she proved in Showtime’s late, great Happyish). Just don’t get attached to Crowded.

Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders Wednesday, March 16 (CBS)

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Series Debut: Fox’s history with late-night comedy programming ranges from near-great (1995-2009’s MadTV, 200609’s Talkshow with Spike Feresten) to passable (the current Animation Domination High-Def) to WTMFF? (1993’s The Chevy Chase Show—one of the most famed flameouts in TV history). Party Over Here has near-great potential: It’s a sketch-comedy half-hour from The Lonely Island (Andy Samberg, Akiva Schaffer and Jorma Taccone) and Paul Scheer (The League, NTSF:SD:SUV), mixing live-in-front-ofa-studio-audience bits with filmed shorts while being fully aware of their elusive target audience: “In an age where most millennials don’t even know what a TV is, we’re really excited to be getting into the TV business,” Scheer says in the Fox PR. At least Party Over Here won’t be going directly up against Saturday Night Live … right?

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Cool Cats

MUSIC RANDY HARWARD

JAZZ JAGUARS

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BY RANDY HARWARD rharward@cityweekly.net

t 8:15 on a Wednesday night, the Twilite Lounge is already bustling. “The Twi,” as some call it, is the sort of neighborhood lounge where you can stop in for a quick beer and a game of pool. It’s also the kind of joint where you can post up in a dark booth, draining pitcher after sudsy pitcher, vibing with old friends or new ones. It’s not the first place you’d expect to hear live local music. But maybe it should be. Walking through the already crowded lounge, you pass a melting pot of regulars of all ages and persuasions. Barflies buzz on what must be their regular stools. Places like these have jukeboxes, leaving it to the patrons to program the music. But, just visible over the crowd, there’s a band setting up. Navigating the near-gridlock feels like the opening scene from the 1993 Mike Myers comedy, So I Married an Axe Murderer. The one-take shot, from the perspective of a server balancing a giant, frothy cappuccino, takes in the diversity of people, a blend of hipsters and un-hipsters, until arriving at a back room where wanna-beat poets recite “autobiographical” verses about the night they got to ride in the mother ship. But there are no poets in at the rear of the Twi—only musicians. Wearing bohemian black, lanky David Payne sets up his homemade, six-channel P.A. system while drummer Halee Jean erects her kit. Their “stage” is the floor in front of a brick fireplace, facing four or five booths to the right, and a group of empty, shovedaside chairs to the left. I take a seat, and soon Payne arrives with a pitcher. He’s followed by tall, pixy-ish Jean. Payne doesn’t need to say it, but does: “We get paid in beer.” He pours. Payne leads the long-running local band Red Bennies, in addition to playing in myriad other bands. Jean is the Bennies’ drummer. Tonight, though, they’re playing as Jazz Jaguars, a band that plays “quieter, prettier” versions of songs by Red Bennies and related bands like Coyote Hoods, Glinting Gems and Tolchock Trio, as well as cool covers of tunes by David Bowie and Scott Walker. The band usually includes Bennies’ guitarist/bassist Christy Matthews, but tonight Payne’s wife/bass player, Leena-Maija Rinne, who’s now pulling up a chair, is filling in. The Jaguars’ genesis dates back to January 2015, when Payne started a Glinting Gems “B Squad,” an alternate lineup for his side project with Rinne. They started playing a regular Sunday-night show at the Urban Lounge, called “Time to Talk ’Tween Tunes.” The night was a reaction to what felt like a dearth of venues that could accommodate the loud rock & roll of bands like Red Bennies. More than a year later, after the show moved from the Urban to Nobrow Coffee (now the Blue Copper Coffee Room), then Burt’s Tiki Lounge and, finally, thanks to the enthusiastic lobbying of its bartender, to Twilite, Payne says the situation persists. “It’s totally hard” to find gigs in Salt Lake City clubs, Payne says. “I think it’s as hard now as when I was 18 in American Fork. There’s just … nowhere.” He says he “might just be out of the loop,” but “I can’t think of one place I could call and ask if I could set up a show.” So Red Bennies, one of Salt Lake City’s best bands, rely on invitations from other bands and bookers to get shows, like their recent support slot for Bloodshot Records band The Yawpers at the Devil’s Daughter. “As far as I know, if you’re friends with Diabolical, you

Jazz Jaguars can play there—those are cool shows.” This Wednesday gig, which Payne calls “Lounge Night at Twilite” is a rather smart survival tactic. Jazz Jaguars has a gig that no one else has, a way to stretch their musical legs, an audience that may not be 100 percent attentive—but who listen, and applaud, when the band hits particularly true notes. And they’re using this engagement to help other local bands enjoy the same, playing between Jazz Jaguars’ two hour-long sets. Tonight, it’s Chalk. Next week, it will be The Hound Mystic. It’s time for Jazz Jaguars to take the, uh, stage. Payne sits at a music stand, his face bathed in bright light, shuffling sheets of songs mapped out in jazz notation. Naturally, he sits closer to Rinne. They have a cute, kind of Peaches & Herb/Carpenters-esque vibe, clearly happy in each others’ company. Their voices intertwine: “Hold them one-at-a-time/ hold them one-at-a-time/ kiss them as they fly/ kiss them as they fly.” while Payne plays smooth chords on a guitar he built himself. Behind them, Jean brushes skins and taps rims. There are long pauses (time to talk) between songs. There is no pressure to maintain energy, like at regular rock shows. The crowd goes with the flow, filling those empty spaces with chatter, clinking glasses and the crack and rumble of billiard balls. At the end of one song, a guy at the pool table claps. Slowly, but respectfully. CW

JAZZ JAGUARS

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Their Turn

Colt.46 chart their own path with original country debut. BY KIMBALL BENNION comments@cityweekly.net @kimballbennion

ach member of the Ogden-based country foursome Colt.46 spent years slogging through cover bands and occasionally crossing each other’s paths, so they have more than enough mileage as musicians between them. But to lead singer/guitarist Dale Condie and drummer/vocalist Dan Robbins—who also share much of the songwriting load—this band is more than just another gig. Colt.46 is the culmination of long-held dreams of ditching the covers and making a few classics of their own. “Dan and I always wanted to do original music, and the situation just wasn’t right,” Condie says. “[With Colt.46], it finally felt like the right group of people, and that we could really do something.” Their debut album, which they independently released in August, is called Hang-Fire (Colt.46.com). In firearm terms, hang-fire is the lag time between when the trigger is pulled and when the bullet fires. Condie describes his time covering other artists’ songs and moving from band to band as his own personal lag time. Now it feels like the bullet’s left the chamber. “We’re a little bit older, without revealing our ages,” Condie says. “We’re finally doing the original music we always thought we were going to do all along.” While the songs are original, there’s a studied familiarity that any country fan will recognize. Hang-Fire is a faithful tribute to country’s tried-and-true themes of heartache, good times and the open road. It’s a worthy thesis, after decades of country music education—and those years finally seem to be paying off. “I really dig when we’re playing our songs and people are enjoying them more than the covers,” Robbins says. There’s the raucous barroom shoutalong “You Owe Me a Beer,” with its instantly memorable chorus of “Hallelujah and amen/ Son of a bitch/ Where have you been?” There are heart-achy ballads such as “This Old Guitar” and “Trains,” and the laid-back, Bakersfield-inspired “Every

Colt.46

Time You Put Me Down,” which feels like cracking open a cold beverage after a hard day at work. Hang-Fire is an album best played in a pickup truck with the windows rolled down on a long stretch of highway. That’s especially true for the anthemic “Supposed To Be,” a fitting opener for an album that was recorded on the band’s own dime after years of delayed dreams. It hints at the freedom—and perhaps recklessness—of starting down a new road. Condie sings, “Would it be so bad if I kept on driving?/ ’Cause there’s something out there/ I can almost taste it/ calling out to me / Yeah, they’re almost saving me/ from who I might become/ to who I’m supposed to be.” Colt.46 distinguishes itself with an endearing antipathy to genre constraints. They don’t mind mixing in some classic and outlaw country from the likes of Waylon Jennings or Hank Williams. But they also take cues from artists such as Steve Earle and Jackson Browne, singer-songwriters who often straddle that thin line between country and rock. “I think a G-chord with distortion on it’s the same for any band all the way around,” Robbins says. Authenticity is Colt.46’s aim. On their website, just below the streaming samples of Hang-Fire, they write, “So set aside your expectations of modern Nashville pop, but remember that good things used to happen there. Cast your eyes westward to the alternatives available to the country music enthusiast.” Colt.46’s stubborn insistence on not only writing their own songs, but also making it a group effort, bucks against the formulaic, assembly-line nature of modern Nashville. “[Songwriting] really is work,” Condie says. “You start from scratch, you try to create a song or some piece of music and say something that other people can relate to. Hopefully we’ve got decent bullshit filters.” CW

COLT.46

Down Under Club 544 W. 400 North, Bountiful 801-397-0758 Saturday, March 12, 9 p.m. $5 Colt46.com

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38 | MARCH 10, 2016

This is NOT A Lounge Act! os Our Dueling Pian T are Smoking HO

BRING THIS AD IN FOR FREE COVER BEFORE 3/31/16 201 East 300 South, Salt Lake City

WWW.TAVERNACLE.COM

THIS WEEK’S MUSIC PICKS

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COMPLETE LISTINGS ONLINE CITYWEEKLY.NET RANDY HARWARD, BRIAN STAKER, ZAC SMITH & WESTIN PORTER

FRIDAY 3.11

City Weekly Best of Utah Music 2016 Winners’ Show: Sneeky Long, Thunderfist, Folk Hogan, Candy’s River House, The Aces, The National Parks

City Weekly readers, we’re gonna borrow from Kiss and hope Gene Simmons doesn’t sue our asses: You wanted the best, and you got the best. The hottest bands in the Utah music scene. Yeah, that’s about as far as that joke can go. But know this: Your votes shaped this entire bill, which is stacked with some of the state’s best musical acts. Opening the show, and providing a nice musical through-line to the entire event, is Best DJ-Open Format winner, Sneeky Long, before Best Live Act winners Thunderfist prove their mettle. They’ll be followed by Folk Hogan (Best Folk Artist), Candy’s River House (Best Rock Artist, Album of the Year), The Aces (Best Pop Artist) and, finally, Best of Utah Music 2016’s Band of the Year, The National Parks. And apologies to anyone who feels misled about the petting zoo we mentioned parenthetically in the article announcing the nominees. That, too, was a joke, but we realize some of you really love animals and this will be a letdown. What is that consolation on Reddit or 9gag or one of those sites? Oh, yeah: Here’s a potato. (RH) Sky, 149 Pierpont Ave., 9 p.m., $10 (plus $1 fee), SkySLC.com

Candy’s River House

Plague Vendor, Bitchin’

Plague Vendor is a punk band that captures the spirit of early So-Cal bands, serving as a reminder that listeners don’t have to let genres be confining. Punk rock was always a DIY genre, so why not allow that to include some experimentation, stylistically and in what the genre encompasses? The band is reminiscent of the Minutemen, not so much sonically; these guys tend toward surf/garage-y guitar sounds, while the trio from San Pedro added some jazz fusion moves to their palette. It’s the freewheeling sprawl of their sound—anger isn’t a restriction, but allows singer Brandon Blaine to expand on what’s eating him on their 2014 Epitaph release, Free to Eat. It’s no surprise that they hail from Whittier, Calif., the town that reared Richard M. Nixon. And there’s a sense of joy and freedom in their rebellion. Opening is local band Bitchin’, the newest unit with singer Ryan Jensen, formerly of Vile Blue Shades and the Corleones. (BS) Kilby Court, 741 S. 330 West, 7 p.m., $15, KilbyCourt.com

Mickey Avalon

Los-Angeles based rapper Mickey Avalon grew up surrounded by drug abuse, so he went on to form his own habits, and eventually resorted to the world’s oldest profession. After repeatedly cleaning up and relapsing, Avalon met former MTV VJ Simon “Dirt Nasty” Rex, and they formed Dyslexic Speedracers, who appeared on the soundtrack for The Hangover and opened for the Red Hot Chili Peppers. In 2006, Avalon mined his life experiences on his self-titled debut (Interscope/Shoot to Kill/ Myspace) and followed-up with 2012’s Loaded (Suburban Noize). His very non-rapper stage presence (performing in skinny jeans and goth-reminiscent make-up), unusual vocal style (imagine Marilyn Manson meets Soft Cell meets Kid Rock) and debauched lyrics

The National Parks continue to draw fans. With his more recent single, “Hollywood”—a meditation on the excesses of street life, comparing Hollywood to the biblical Babylon—Avalon seems primed for his return to the center-stage. (ZS) The Cabin, 825 S. Main (Park City), 10 p.m., $20, TheCabinParkCity.com

» Mickey Avalon

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MARCH 10, 2016 | 39

Doors open at 11:00 NO COVER! Corned beef and cabbage $8 Rylee McDonald & VJ Birdman Door prizes and giveaways

SATURDAY 3.12

Instagram your day at Twist for a chance at big prizes #TwistSLC

Who knows, you might get “Lucky”! 32 Exchange Place • 801-322-3200 www.twistslc.com • 11:00am-1:00am

WHERE SOPHISTICATED MEETS CASUAL

Holladay’s Premier Martini & Wine Bar

Ty Segall and the Muggers

Last year, Ty Segall visited Salt Lake City with his heavy psychedelic project, Fuzz, a power trio in which he drums and shares vocal duties. Minds were blown. The 28-year old’s solo career has been more of an exploration of the singer-songwriter persona in the garage-punk/psych mode, culminating in his newest release, Emotional Mugger (Drag City). A concept album with such a potentially sinister subtext had better be matched by music that can carry the weight, and Segall delivers. The sound is like candy dredged through a fry cooker: sweet, yet sleazy and greasy. Whether musical prank, sheer mindfuck or marketing gimmick, the release is accompanied by the Emotional Mugger hotline, 1-800281-2968, where the performer proclaims in his creepiest voice that he is “itching to know how I can fill the hole in your ego.” If nothing else, Segall’s new music fills a gap in your listening library for raw guitar music that is capable of pushing all your buttons. Max Pain & the Groovies and JAWWZZ!! open. (BS) The Urban Lounge, 241 S. 500 East, 8 p.m., $15 in advance, $17 day of show, TheUrbanLoungeSLC.com

Ty Segall

WEDNESDAY 3.16

Common Kings, Tomorrow’s Bad Seeds

The doldrums of Northern Utah winters are officially behind us, and that means rolled-down windows, lighter beers and smoother tunes. Celebrate spring at Park City Live Friday night with Common Kings and Tomorrow’s Bad Seeds—two groups with a breadth of musical influence between them rooted in an up-tempo reggae sound. Common Kings, a quartet out of Costa Mesa, Calif., bridges sounds of rock, R&B and reggae, driven by the unrelenting force of lead vocalist Sasualei “Jr. King” Maliga, who grips microphones and audiences alike with his breezy highs and swelling lows. Similarly, Tomorrow’s Bad Seeds bring a sandy, California sound. Hailing from Hermosa Beach, the five-piece plays a cool, urban reggae with a few signature So-Cal doo-wops sprinkled in. Both bands have earned national notoriety for their energetic live shows. (WP) Park City Live, 427 Main, 9 p.m., $18-$35, ParkCityLive.net

RANDY'S RECORD SHOP VINYL RECORDS NEW & USED

| CITY WEEKLY |

40 | MARCH 10, 2016

DENEE PETRACEK

SAINT PATRICK'S DAY

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LIVE

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Cash Paid for Resellable Vinyl, CD’s & Stereo Equipment “UTAH’S LONGEST RUNNING INDIE RECORD STORE” SINCE 1978

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TUE – FRI 11AM TO 7PM • SAT 10AM TO 6PM • CLOSED SUN & MON LIKE US ON OR VISIT WWW.RANDYSRECORDS.COM • 801.532.4413

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323 south main st whiskeystreet.com Salt Lake Scots Pipe Band 8pm No Cover Charge

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St. Patrick’s Day March 17th

To downstairs...

| CITY WEEKLY |

MARCH 10, 2016 | 41

19 east 200 south | bourbonhouseslc.com

Salt Lake Scots Pipe Band 8pm No Cover Charge

Live Music From

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

2 Gingers Bushmills Bushmills 10yr Black Bush Irish Greenore Green Spot Jameson Jameson Black Jameson Caskmates Jameson 12yr Jameson Gold Jameson 18yr Jameson Rarest Reserve John Powers

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42 | MARCH 10, 2016

SHOTS IN THE DARK

BY JOSH SCHEUERMAN

R O V E! C O N VE R E

@scheuerman7

WEDNESDAY/SUNDAY JOHNNYSONSECOND.com

Wednesdays 7PM-10PM

Sundays 12PM-3PM

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FRIDAY, MARCH 11 at Sky

( 149 Pierpont Ave)

21+ Doors at 8 Show at 9

an Eclectic Night y o j n E of Live Local Music!

DJ Sneeekylong (Best DJ)

(Best Live Act)

Folk Hogan (Best Folk Artist)

The Aces (Best Pop)

The National Parks (Best Band/Act of the Year)

Presale Tickets

at cityweeklystore.com!

#BestofMusic

MARCH 10, 2016 | 43

In Several Genres.

| CITY WEEKLY |

ONLY $10

A Rare Chance To Hear The Best Local Music

(Best Album/Rock Artist)

Thunderfist

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FEATURING:

Green Velvet, Nate Lowpass, Typefunk b2b Devereaux

Green Velvet

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44 | MARCH 10, 2016

FRIDAY 3.11

CONCERTS & CLUBS

The punk- and funk-infused electronica/house music of Green Velvet (Curtis Jones) has kept fans moving since early ‘91. Variously collaborating with the likes of Patrick Topping, Technasia and Weiss, Green Velvet teamed with Detroit-based techno musician Carl Craig last year for the remix/collab album, So What (Relief). In support of Green Velvet is Nate Lowpass, runner-up for Best Electronic Artist in City Weekly’s Best of Utah Music 2016, who has made a name for himself with a taste for dubstep and a uniquely captivating flare for trance. Typefunk goes back-to-back with Devereaux to set things off. (Zac Smith) The Depot, 400 W. South Temple, 9:30 p.m., $16 in advance, $21 day of show, DepotSLC.com

YA...WE ARE THAT

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CONCERTS & CLUBS THURSDAY 3.10 LIVE MUSIC

DJ Courtney (Area 51) Hey Marseilles + Hibou (The State Room) Jazz Jam Session feat. Hal (Sugar House Coffee) Jazz Joint feat. Alan Michael (Garage on Beck) Liza Anne + The Saint Johns + Youth (Kilby Court) Message To The Masses (The Loading Dock) Ray Smith + Q’ed Up (Gallivan Hall) Reggae at the Royal feat. Vocal Reasoning (The Royal) Stwo (The Urban Lounge) Therapy Thursdays: Audien (Sky)

KARAOKE

Karaoke w/ DJ Benji (A Bar Named Sue) Live Band Karaoke (Club 90)

CITY WEEKLY’S HOT LIST FOR THE WEEK Ogden Unplugged featuring Mojave Nomads (Lighthouse Lounge) “Sing of Fire” Karaoke Competition (A Bar Named Sue)

FRIDAY 3.11 LIVE MUSIC

City Weekly Best of Utah Music 2016 Winners’ Show feat. Sneeky Long + Thunderfist + Folk Hogan + Candy’s River House + The Aces + The National Parks (Sky) see p. 38 El Ten Eleven (The Urban Lounge) Float the Boat (The Royal) Green Velvet + Nate Lowpass + Typefunk b2b Devereaux (The Depot) see p. 44 Infinite Madness feat. My Private Island + Betty Hate Everything + 7 Second Everything + Outside Infinity (The Complex)

COMPLETE LISTINGS ONLINE @ CITYWEEKLY.NET Making Fuck Record Release Show + Worst Friends + Die Off (Diabolical Records) Mickey Avalon (The Cabin) see p. 38 Neon Spring Fling feat. DJ Delmaggio + DJ Rondo + Friendzone + LuciddreamZ + Siklock (Infinity Event Center) Open Mic (Unitarian Coffeehouse) Plague Vendor + Bitchin’ (Kilby Court) see p. 38 Plan B (Riverbend Sports Center) Zepparella the All-Female Zeppelin Powerhouse + Daniele Gottardo (The State Room)

KARAOKE

Open Mic (Unitarian Coffeehouse)

SATURDAY 3.12 LIVE MUSIC

Assuming We Survive + Uh Huh Baby Yeah

+ Reckless Serenade + The Cardboard Club + Harbor Patrol + The Departure (The Loading Dock) Carlos Emjay (Park City Base Area) Ché Zuro (Deer Valley) Chicana Power (The Complex) Colt.46 (Down Under Club) see p. 36 Cross Strung: St. Patrick’s Concert (Viridian Center) DJ Jello (A Bar Named Sue on State) Finish Ticket + Vinyl Theatre (Kilby Court) Get Lucky 2016 feat. Adventure Club + Bingo Players + Cosmic Gate + Astronaut + Barely Alive + Dodge & Fuski + Lady Faith + San Holo + Technoboy + Xilent (The Great Saltair) Joy Spring Band feat. Bill Nicholls (Sugar House Coffee) June Brothers, John Louviere (Garage on Beck) Lash Larue (Park City Base Area)

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| CITY WEEKLY |

MARCH 10, 2016 | 45

CONCERTS & CLUBS

Lumberjack Fabulous (Red Pine Lodge) Metal Madness feat. Tera Vega + Aether + Penalty of Treason + The Templars Call + Ossatura (In The Venue) Mokie (Canyons Village Stage) My Body Sings Electric + Chaos Chaos (Club X) Noel Torres vs. Regulo Caro (The Complex) Royal Bliss + Whiskey Fish + Sun Down River + Anthony Hall (The Royal) Shenanigans feat. DeeJay Eikon + Mr Nichols + Disko Klown + Tink Fu + INV + Brian Blurr + Lo IQ + DJ In2gr8 + Nosay (Infinity Event Center) Sky Saturdays: DJ Ikon (Sky) Stonefed (Lighthouse Lounge) Tinsley Ellis (The State Room)

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

The Prettiots, Misspelt, Sally Yoo

The Prettiots (Kay Kasparhauser and Lulu Landolfi—yes, the former has confessed to a lyrical obsession with “Werner Herzog and sex”) have performed together barely over a year, but their gig last year at South by Southwest netted them a contract with legendary English label Rough Trade, who released their debut, Fun’s Cool last month. Songs like “Boys (That I Dated in High School)” and “Kiss Me Kinski” are almost totally irony-free pop hum-alongs, which is refreshing, but then there’s not much bitterness in Kasparhauser’s four-string frenzies. Their odes to innocence might be the smartest music on the block, and the undercurrent of angst somehow wins you over with its honesty. (Brian Staker) Kilby Court, 741 S. 330 West, 7 p.m., $8, KilbyCourt.

BLACK SHEEP Bar & Grill Join us St. Patrick’s Day $5 CORNED BEEF & CABBAGE $3.75 JAMESON

| CITY WEEKLY |

46 | MARCH 10, 2016

TUESDAY 3.15

Salt City Scotts Performing 4 & 10 pm 16 BEERS ON TAP

Come in for a Beer Stay for our Food!

FULL LIQUOR MENU

1520 W. 9000 S. WEST JORDAN 801.566.2561 | THEBLACKSHEEPBARANDGRILL.COM

Ty Segall & The Muggers + Max Pain & the Groovies + Jawwzz (The Urban Lounge) see p. 38

KARAOKE

Guru’s Cafe Karaoke (45 East Center Street) Open Mic Night! (The Shops at Riverwoods)

SUNDAY 3.13 LIVE MUSIC

Cannabidroids (The Loading Dock) DJ Juggy (Downstairs) DJ Velvet (Canyons Village) Irish Session Folks (Sugar House Coffee) Mike Rodgers Duo (Legacy Lodge) The Other + Shadow Windhawk and the

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

| CITY WEEKLY |

MARCH 10, 2016 | 47

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

DA I LY L U N C H S P E C I A L S POOL, FOOSBALL & GAMES

Morticians + The B-Movie Monsters (Metro Bar) Picture Books + And More! (Kilby Court)

KARAOKE NO

COVER E VER!

275 0 SOU T H 3 0 0 W ES T · (8 01) 4 67- 4 6 0 0

Karaoke Bingo (The Tavernacle) Karaoke Church (Club JAM) “Sing of Fire” Karaoke Competition (A Bar Named Sue on State)

MONDAY 3.14 LIVE MUSIC

Bruce Christensen Trio (Canyons Village) Sandoval Brothers (Park City Base Area)

11: 3 0 -1A M M O N - S AT · 11: 3 0 A M -10 P M S U N

KARAOKE

Karaoke (Poplar Street Pub) “Sing of Fire” Karaoke Competition (A Bar Named Sue)

PINKY’S CABARET CHECK OUT OUR NEW

TUESDAY 3.15 Monday @ 8pm

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LIVE MUSIC

Between The Buried & Me + August Burns Red (The Complex) E.N. Young + Natural Roots (Liquid Joe’s) John Hiatt + Rick Brantley (The State Room) The Prettiots + Misspelt + Sally Yoo (Kilby Court) see p. 46 Twin Flames (Park City Base Area) Will Baxter Duo (Canyons Village)

KARAOKE

COMPLETE LISTINGS ONLINE @ CITYWEEKLY.NET “Sing of Fire” Karaoke Competition (A Bar Named Sue on State) Karaoke (Club 90) Open Mic Night (The Wall) Open Mic Night (The Royal) Velour Open Mic Night (Velour Live Music Gallery)

WEDNESDAY 3.16 LIVE MUSIC

Charles Ellsworth (The Urban Lounge) Common Kings + Tomorrow’s Bad Seeds (Park City Live) see p. 40 Conn and Rob Live Jazz Music (Maxwell’s) Daughter + Wilsen (The Depot) Darlingside + King Cardinal (The State Room) Jazz at the 90 (Club 90) Jazz Jaguars (Twilite Lounge) see p. 34 Michelle Moonshine (Park City Base Area) One Eyed Doll + Eyes Set To Kill + Open Your Eyes (Billboard Live!) Simo + Mad Max & the Wild Ones (Kilby Court) Simply B (Canyons Village) tobyMac (Vivint SmartHome Arena)

KARAOKE

Areaoke (Area 51) Karaoke (The Wall) Open Mic $2 (Muse Music Cafe) Ultimate Karaoke (The Royal) Wednesduhh! Karaoke (Club Jam)

Hell Jam (Devil’s Daughter)

wednesdays @ 8pm

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LIVE Music

| CITY WEEKLY |

48 | MARCH 10, 2016

CONCERTS & CLUBS

A RELAXED GENTLEMAN’S CLUB

St. patrick p[arties like a pig!

thursday, march 10

PAC-12 TOURNAMENT STARTS HELP CHEER ON THE UTES @ 5:15PM!

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JOIN US AFTER THE PARADE 2:00PM Bag pipes 3:00PM Tom bennett 6:00PM The red headed step twins 9:00PM Bag pipes FOLLOWED BY DJ LATU

Matthew & the hope 3:00PM gamma rays 6:00PM dj latu 9:00PM BAG PIPES EVERY 3 HOURS

HIGHLAND CHECK OUT ALL OF OUR EVENT PHOTOS AT CITYWEEKLY.NET/PHOTOS

SALT LAKE INTL TATTOO CONVENTION 3/4-3/6

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MARCH 10, 2016 | 49

W W W. S O U N D WA R E H O U S E .C O M

| CITY WEEKLY |

STARTING AT:

THROUGH THE GATEWAY

AT SKY (149 PIERPONT)

10AM

HIGHLAND

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HIBERNIAN SOCIETY OF UTAH PRESENTS:

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UP TO

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ST. PATRICK’S PARADE

W W W . L U M P Y S B A R . C O M

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UPCOMING EVENTS

BEST OF UTAH MUSIC

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

ZEN SPA

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50 | MARCH 10, 2016

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CROSSWORD PUZZLE

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ACROSS

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MARCH 10, 2016 | 51

No math is involved. The grid has numbers, but nothing has to add up to anything else. Solve the puzzle with reasoning and logic. Solving time is typically 10 to 30 minutes, depending on your skill and experience.

Complete the grid so that each row, column, diagonal and 3x3 square contain all of the numbers 1 to 9.

Last weekâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s answers

SUDOKU

1. Petty of "A League of Their Own"

40. Burrito alternative 44. Sue Grafton's "____ for Quarry" 49. Milky gems 51. Beginning 52. Picnic race need 53. "There's gold in them ____ hills!" 54. QB Tony 56. Homes for squirrels 58. Through with 59. Levelheaded 60. They make up about 15% of the Earth's terrestrial animal biomass

DOWN

2. "Top Chef" appliance 3. Lush 4. A Marx brother 5. Members of a National League team who are living the single life? 6. Feng ____ 7. Country singer Keith with, one might argue, an inappropriate last name 8. "Oh, doctor! Please tell me these aren't my punishment for loving saddleback riding!"? 9. Lush sounds 10. List-ending abbr. 11. Like first editions, often 13. Warning to motorists who find themselves behind Al and Tipper driving at the speed limit? 15. "I bet you won't!" and "Just try to!" to one's administrative aide? 24. Queen ____ (nickname for Jay Z's wife) 26. Opportunity 27. Emailed pics, often 28. Grandparent, typically 29. Probably will, after "is" 31. Dined at home 33. AOL alternative 34. Baseball Hall-of-Famer Combs 35. Afflictions sometimes caused by sleep deprivation

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1. With 69-Across, like fuzzy computer images (and this puzzle's theme) 4. Stephen Colbert's network 7. One who walks down the 22-Across 12. Roman poet who wrote "If you want to be loved, be lovable" 14. Audible "LOL" 16. Indian yogurt dish 17. Silver State city 18. Crit. condition areas 19. One way to go 20. Aware of 21. Some frat letters 22. See 7-Across 23. Instrument whose name means "high wood" 25. "____ it, though?" 27. Online singles service that offers a synagogue directory 30. Mascara target 32. Mellows, as wine 36. Opium flower 37. Filmmaker Preminger 38. "____ the end of my rope!" 39. Jazz legend James 40. Dog biscuit, e.g. 41. Not one, colloquially 42. Comprehends 43. "... can hear ____ drop" 44. What a Scrabble player picks up before thinking "But I don't have a U!" 45. B'way hit signs 46. "I'm busy then" 47. Some vacation spots 48. Well-behaved 50. "I can only ____ much" 52. Barber's sharpener 55. Gray-sprinkled horse 57. Parks who worked as a staff member for Congressman John Conyers from 1965 to 1988 61. Now, in Nicaragua 62. Headphones cover them 63. Novelist Hunter 64. "Trust in Allah but tie up your ____": Arabian proverb 65. ____-Ball (arcade game) 66. Emailed 67. Kriss ____ (rap duo with the 1992 hit "Jump") 68. Concorde, e.g., for short 69. See 1-Across

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ating healthy can be tricky even in the best of times, so if you’re pressed for time but still want to take care of your health, check out Mamachari Kombucha, Salt Lake City’s only kombucha brewery. For the uninitiated, kombucha is a lightly fermented tea in which natural sugars are converted to healthy probiotic and yeast strains. Think yogurt without the dairy, or probiotics without the pills. Mamachari Kombucha started as a farmers-market venture in 2012 and has been expanding ever since. In the summer of 2015, Mamachari Kombucha had a shift in ownership with Lorrie Vorknik (brewmaster) and Ben Phillips (manager of packaging) taking the helm as co-owners. “I love the process of brewing a live product and finding the right flavor combination,” Vorknik says. “That’s really the heart of Mamachari. Being able to produce our core flavors while allowing the creativity to flow into new flavors and new products makes the business fun and exciting.” Mamachari Kombucha comes in several core flavors: lemon ginger, mint lime, roots and botanicals, jasmine rose, concord grape, honey hops, sol-fire and lavender honey. They also offer seasonal varieties at local farmers’ markets and at locations that offer their product on-tap. Nick Oakey of Salt Lake City discovered Mamachari Kombucha at the Downtown Farmers Market a few summers ago. “I really enjoy their kombucha,” Oakey says. He estimates that he drinks kombucha only a few times a month, but that—in addition to the unique flavor—he always feels better physically after downing a bottle. “Every batch of ‘booch’ is crafted with thoughtfulness and love,” Vorknik says. “We enjoy being part of the local food community and supporting local

community@cityweekly.net

Mamachari Kombucha can now be found in over 40 locations along the Wasatch Front—from Logan to Spanish Fork.

businesses to help ours thrive.” Mamachari Kombucha can be found at several locations in Salt Lake City, including Liberty Heights Fresh (1290 S. 1100 East, LibertyHeightsFresh.com), Vive Juicery (Multiple locations, ViveJuicery.com), The Bagel Project (779 S. 500 East, BagelProject.com), Cucina Deli (1026 Second Ave., CucinaDeli.com), 3 Cups Coffee (4670 S. 2300 East, 3cups. coffee) and more. Additionally, you can find Mamachari “on-tap” at Vive Juicery’s downtown location, Zest Kitchen & Bar (ZestSLC.com, 275 S. 200 West) and Mamachari’s own brewery downtown. The taproom is usually open for tastings and customers to fill up growlers on Thursdays and Fridays, from 2 p.m. to 6 p.m., but check out Mamachari Kombucha’s social-media sites for updated schedules. “We will be updating our days and hours soon,” Phillips says. “We would love [people] to give our product a try and work through all our flavors until you land on your two or three favorites.” So grab a bottle and keep your GI tract happy while you’re on the go. n

Mamachari Kombucha Brewery and Taproom 455 S. 400 West, Salt Lake City 385-202-3391 Mamachari.cc

52 | MARCH 10, 2016

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T BEA

PHOTO OF THE WEEK BY

Mamachari Kombucha is vegan, glutenfree, corn-free, nut-free and raw.

Customer Ian Lampson fills his growlers.

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MARCH 10, 2016 | 53

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) “Your anger is a gift.” So proclaims musician and activist Zack de la Rocha, singer in the band Rage Against the Machine. That statement is true for him on at least two levels. His fury about the systemic corruption that infects American politics has roused him to create many successful songs and enabled him to earn a very good living. I don’t think anger is always a gift for all of us, however. Too often, especially when it’s motivated by petty issues, it’s a self-indulgent waste of energy that can literally make us sick. Having said that, I do suspect that your anger in the coming week will be more like de la Rocha’s: productive, TAURUS (April 20-May 20) Poet W. H. Auden said there are two kinds of poets: argument- clarifying, healthy. makers and beauty-makers. I think that’s an interesting way to categorize all humans, not just poets. Which are you? Even if you SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) usually tend to be more of an argument-maker, I urge you to be an “Even now, all possible feelings do not yet exist,” says novelist intense beauty-maker in the next few weeks. And if you’re already Nicole Krauss. In the coming weeks, I suspect you will provide a pretty good beauty-maker, I challenge you to become, at least vivid evidence of her declaration, Scorpio. You may genertemporarily, a great beauty-maker. One more thing: As much as ate an unprecedented number of novel emotions—complex possible, until April 1, choose beauty-makers as your companions. flutters and flows and gyrations that have never before been experienced by anyone in the history of civilization. I think it’s important that you acknowledge and celebrate them as being GEMINI (May 21-June 20) To have any hope of becoming an expert in your chosen field, unique—that you refrain from comparing them to feelings you’ve got to labor for at least 10,000 hours to develop the neces- you’ve had in the past or feelings that other people have had. To sary skills—the equivalent of 30 hours a week for six and a half harvest their full blessing, treat them as marvelous mysteries. years. But according to author William Deresiewicz, many young graphic designers no longer abide by that rule. They regard it as SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) more essential to cultivate a network of connections than to per- “Look at yourself then,” advised author Ray Bradbury. fect their artistic mastery. Getting 10,000 contacts is their prior- “Consider everything you have fed yourself over the years. ity, not working 10,000 hours. But I advise you not to use that Was it a banquet or a starvation diet?” He wasn’t talking about approach in the coming months, Gemini. According to my reading literal food. He was referring to the experiences you provide of the astrological omens, you will be better served by improving yourself with, to the people you bring into your life, to the sights what you do rather than by increasing how many people you know. and sounds and ideas you allow to pour into your precious imagination. Now would be an excellent time to take inventory of this essential question, Sagittarius. And if you find there is anything CANCER (June 21-July 22) “I sit before flowers, hoping they will train me in the art of open- lacking in what you feed yourself, make changes! ing up,” says poet Shane Koyczan. “I stand on mountain tops believing that avalanches will teach me to let go.” I recommend CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) his strategy to you in the coming weeks, Cancerian. Put yourself According to a report in the journal Science, most of us devote in the presence of natural forces that will inspire you to do what half of our waking time to thinking about something besides the you need to do. Seek the companionship of people and animals activity we’re actually engaged in. We seem to love to ruminate whose wisdom and style you want to absorb. Be sufficiently about what used to be and what might have been and what could humble to learn from the whole wide world through the art of possibly be. Would you consider reducing that amount in the next 15 days, Capricorn? If you can manage to cut it down even a imitation. little, I bet you will accomplish small feats of magic that stabilize and invigorate your future. Not only that: You will feel stronger LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) The marathon is a long-distance footrace with an official length and smarter. You’ll have more energy. You’ll have an excellent of over 26 miles. Adults who are physically fit and well-trained chance to form an enduring habit of staying more focused on can finish the course in five hours. But I want to call your atten- the here and now. tion to a much longer running event: the Self-Transcendence 3,100-Mile Race. It begins every June in Queens, a borough of AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) New York City, and lasts until August. Those who participate do One of the legal financial scams that shattered the world 3,100 miles’ worth of laps around a single city block, or about economy in 2008 was a product called a Collateralized Debt 100 laps per day. I think that this is an apt metaphor for the work Obligation Squared. It was sold widely, even though noted you now have ahead of you. You must cover a lot of ground as economist Ha-Joon Chang says that potential buyers had to you accomplish a big project, but without traveling far and wide. read a billion pages of documents if they hoped to understand it. Your task is to be dogged and persistent as you do a little at a In the coming weeks, I think it’s crucial that you Aquarians avoid getting involved with stuff like that—with anything or anyone time, never risking exhaustion, always pacing yourself. requiring such vast amounts of homework. If it’s too complex to evaluate accurately, stay uncommitted, at least for now. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) In old Vietnamese folklore, croaking frogs were a negative symbol. They were thought to resemble dull teachers who go on and PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) on with their boring and pointless lectures. But in many other “I wish I knew what I desire,” wrote Palestinian poet Mahmoud cultures, frogs have been symbols of regeneration and resurrec- Darwish, born under the sign of Pisces. “I wish I knew! I wish I tion due to the dramatic transformations they make from egg to knew!” If he were still alive today, I would have very good news tadpole to full-grown adult. In ancient India, choruses of croaks for him, as I do for all of you Pisceans reading this horoscope. were a sign of winter’s end, when spring rains arrived to fertilize The coming weeks will be one of the best times ever—ever!—for the earth and bestow a promise of the growth to come. I suspect figuring out what exactly it is you desire. Not just what your ego that the frog will be one of your emblems in the coming weeks, yearns for. Not just what your body longs for. I’m talking about Virgo—for all of the above reasons. Your task is to overcome the whole shebang. You now have the power to home in on and the boring stories and messages so as to accomplish your lively identify what your ego, your body, your heart, and your soul want more than anything else in this life. transformations. ARIES (March 21-April 19) “He in his madness prays for storms, and dreams that storms will bring him peace,” wrote Leo Tolstoy in his novella The Death of Ivan Ilych. The weird thing is, Aries, that this seemingly crazy strategy might actually work for you in the coming days. The storms you pray for, the tempests you activate through the power of your longing, could work marvels. They might clear away the emotional congestion, zap the angst and usher you into a period of dynamic peace. So I say: Dare to be gusty and blustery and turbulent.

Dear crying boy in the mall, I See your lonely plight. Phone illuminating Moms Face as she texts, tweets and writes. Sweet girl in the food court, looking hopefully for dads eyes as he watches videos on facebook. You attention he unknowingly denies. Don’t let it be your downfall. They love you.

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here’s a plague in our city. No, it’s not the Zika virus. It’s the plethora of abandoned chain-store grocery carts. I live and work downtown and, well, there appears to be a cart lying on its side, hiding behind a building or parked on a sidewalk on every other block these days. Here’s the rub: They are usually stolen and only some of the chain stores seem to care about their losses. The cops round them up once a week (12-30 at a time) and try and get them back to their rightful owners, but it’s a never-ending headache. Shopping carts are to be used by customers inside a store to transport merchandise to the check-out stand and then out to their cars after they’ve purchased their goods. In most places there’s a designated area in the parking lot to return the cart. In no places that I know of do chain stores allow customers to take the carts home with them. Googling them, I found that the larger stainless carts cost $800 new, but I’m guessing, if you buy smaller ones in mass quantities they might be more like $200 each. Smith’s/Kroger installed an electronic locking wheel on its carts at the superstore on 500 South and 500 East in fall 2015. You can’t push their carts past the parking lot anymore, and that’s saving them a fortune in stolen carts. Sadly, other stores nearby haven’t followed suit. Within a few blocks, there’s a Whole Foods, Sprouts, Trader Joe’s and a Natural Grocers. Trader Joe’s locks its inventory of carts up at night. Other stores keep them inside or park them in an area up next to the store but don’t lock them. Yet, there are still dozens of carts stolen in the city every day. According to the Utah Code & Constitution, section 76-6-602, a person commits the offense of retail theft when he or she knowingly “[r]emoves a shopping cart from the premises of a retail mercantile establishment with the intent of depriving the merchant of the possession, use or benefit of such a cart.” I asked a store manager this week at one local chain why the store doesn’t lock its carts to prevent theft. His response was, “Why don’t the police arrest anyone for stealing our carts?” Sadly, the police don’t have much time or staff to arrest cart thieves given the pounds of spice, meth, heroin and cocaine busts they make on a weekly basis. Plus, so many of the carts are used by the homeless as mobile storage devices for their worldly goods. It’s kind of a moral dilemma, right? If you see an abandoned cart, phone 801-799-3686 (a Salt Lake City Police Department hotline dedicated to report problems downtown). Let’s do our bit to keep our city clean. n

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