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Artificial Intimacy
Publisher/Executive Editor: David Vandygriff publisher@cityxtramagazine.com
- Dr. Harvey Carr
Legal: Immigration Part 2
Editor In Chief: Harvey Carr editor@cityxtramagazine.com
- Attorney Gordon Nicol
Creative Designer: Jason Smith designer@cityxtramagazine.com
10 Celebrity Icons of HIV -Tyler Curry
One Spark One World Line-Up -David Vandygriff
Sales Department: Carlos Martinez sales@cityxtramagazine.com cityXtra Magazine is published by cityXtra Magazine, LLC. 2941 Plum Street Jacksonville, FL 32205 (904) 410-9592 www.cityxtramagazine.com Like us on Facebook/cityxtramag Twitter/cityxtra
One Spark
- David Vandygriff
Supreme Court Gay Marriage - James Smith
Contributing Writers
Florida Bakery Receives Threats - John Jacobs
Laura Riggs, Dr. Harvey Carr, Attorney Gordon Nicol, Meredith O’Malley Johnson, Tina Vaughn, Jake Moore, Tyler Curry Editor HIV Equal Online, Sebastian Fortino, David Vandygriff, Joey Amato Publisher Unite Magazine
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ARTIFICAL INTIMACY By Dr. Harvey Carr In many cases, the relationship existed only on what I call “artificial intimacy.” True intimacy—that sense of “oneness” that we all seek—has to be pursued and built rather than simply discovered and felt. Artificial intimacy is sustained by the common events of life, but usually comes to a huge crash as soon as the couple enters changes places. You share your kids’ failures and successin their individual development. es. Artificial intimacy begins with the onset of infatuation, a “grab your brains with a vengeance” neurochemical reaction that makes us virtually blind to our partner’s faults but is notoriously short lived, with a shelf life of about 12 to 18 months.
Eventually those kids repay you for your faithful service by growing up and leaving the two of you alone together. That’s when you find out how much intimacy you really have. In days past these life events could take relationships to the doorstep of death and eternity, but modern couples can blow through these stages of life in two and a half decades, often leaving another 30 years or more of commitment to follow.
Early relationship “compatibility” is also enhanced artificially via sexual chemistry. When infatuation and sexual chemistry are strong, compatibility, or incompatibility barely even register. You both feel crazy about each other, you can barely keep your hands to yourself—how could you not be Some couples have to wake up to the reality that compatible? they’ve been living relationally on shared tasks, not shared intimacy. They haven’t shared their When a couple begins to move toward commitment or marriage and set a date, even dreams. They haven’t carried each other’s though the initial artificial intimacy may be on the burdens and then built that all-important empathy for each other. decline, planning the ceremony gives them something in common and keeps them going. They plan it, talk about it, and divide up tasks to make it happen. This is “intimacy” of a sort, but it is superficial intimacy, the intimacy of co-workers, not life-mates.
When couples get divorced and start over with someone else, the second relationship initially feels more fulfilling than the first because, once again, it’s existing on artificial intimacy: infatuation and sexual chemistry retake their place on center stage, the two once again enter the relationship Once the couple “calms down” from the honey- building of sharing past histories, planning a ceremoon, they start actually living the day-to-day life mony, setting up a new life together… of a couple and try to join two lives. That also joins them in a common task and gives them A good relationship isn’t something you find; it’s something you make, and you have to keep on something to talk about. making it. Just as importantly you can also begin As life moves on, just when things could get bor- “re-making” it at any stage. ing again, the couple is likely to buy a new home, begin a new job, adopt or birth children, change The level of maturity it will take to rebuild a stale cities, plan for retirement. Those are big things to relationship instead of killing it and moving on can lead to some of the most transformative growth of have in common and require a lot of communication. You raise the kids, and then you your life. It will require hope, courage, patience, honesty, understanding, and perseverance—all have to communicate to get the kids to the right key virtues for a Godly life.
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LEGAL: IMMIGRATION PART 2 By Atty. Gordon Nicol
America is the “melting pot.” Especially, in Jacksonville, we have seen changes in the population within the last few years. Immigration is one of the more complex areas of law. This series of articles will help you understand the process to protect yourself and your loved ones. Our last article addressed the start of the immigration application process. At www.yourjacksonvillelawyer.com my role begins with helping file the application packet. Following now is additional information. The government’s immigration officer will question you, as a couple, on the validity of the marriage, bringing up any apparent discrepancies in the paperwork, or the interview. I have had client interviews that are more than two (2) days long. Please be sure to have legal representation. This is not for the faint of heart. Next the immigration officer will investigate your ability to support a loved one. This involves a citizen’s ability to provide for both yourself and the applicant financially. This is more than just asking for information; it involves substantial legal evidence and documentation. The standard is very high. Finally, the government will especially review the applicant’s own qualification for permanent residency. I had a client describe this as “living under a microscope. The review and investigation process takes time. Interviews of neighbors and co-workers can be part of the process. You will need to know your rights for this part of the legal process. The above article is general in nature and should not be relied upon for specific legal advice. Every legal situation is different. Gordon T. Nicol, Attorney at Law www.yourjacksonvillelawyer.com 7545 Centurion Parkway, Suite 108 Jacksonville, FL 32256 Phone: 904-384-4911
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10 CELEBRITY ICONS OF HIV By Tyler Curry
In the three decades of the HIV epidemic, many celebrities have lent their talents and support to help raise awareness and to help those who suffer from the virus. But there are a few people who will forever stand out as the icons of HIV activism. Through their passion, commitment and support, these people have used their star power to impact Joan Rivers: Joan Rivers was many things: a cothe lives of millions living with HIV and will forever medic legend, a feminist trailblazer, an uproarious be remembered for their efforts to fight AIDS. fashion critic and an unconventional but devoted mother and grandmother. But with all her zings, Madonna: The “Material Girl” was anything but slings and punch lines that made up the persona that when she first lent her support to HIV patients of Joan Rivers, she was also a relentless HIV acin a time when most people treated a person with tivist with a lion’s heart. AIDS like a pariah. Madonna’s dance teacher was one of those HIV-positive people, and when he Elton John: Sir Elton John has always been outpublically divulged that he had the virus, the two spoken, which is why he wasn’t afraid to fight HIV/ appeared together at a 1989 Dance-a-Thon to AIDS in a time when many celebrities were afraid support AIDS Project LA. to be attached to the disease. In 1992, he founded the Elton John AIDS Foundation, which supports Dame Elizabeth Taylor: Dame Elizabeth Taylor is HIV prevention, education, and the care and supa true cinematic legend. But when the film port of people living with HIV. John was inspired phenom began her humanitarian work in the fight to start the organization by his young friend, Ryan against HIV/AIDS in 1984, she became a global White, who died from AIDS complications in 1990 icon of activism. after being infected through a blood transfusion. Bono: The U2 front man and rock legend founded the (RED) Foundation in 2006 with Bobby Shriver to engage millions of people from around the world in the fight against HIV/AIDS in Africa, where an estimated two-thirds of the world’s HIVpositive population lives. Alicia Keys: Alicia Keys has been a part of the fight against HIV/AIDS for years through the work of her organization, Keep a Child Alive, which promotes prevention and treatment in Africa. But when the R&B songstress teamed up with the Empowered project, she became the new voice of HIV awareness for women in the U.S. President Clinton: Although it may not have been his main priority while in office, President Clinton has spent his time post presidency fighting the AIDS epidemic in Africa and around the world.
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Rihanna: Even though Rihanna is new to the world of HIV activism, we have a feeling she is going to bring the same passion and strength in her music to the fight against AIDS. The Umbrella singer has partnered with MAC Cosmetics to raise awareness and educate people about the virus. She also walked the red carpet for a new documentary called “It’s Not Over,” which is about three young people who are affected by HIV. Annie Lennox: Annie Lennox brings passion and tenacity to everything she does, and her work in HIV activism is no different. The vocal powerhouse has championed many causes and is a celebrated social activist who has tirelessly worked to give a voice to women and children living with HIV in Africa and throughout the world.
pass holders. One Spark After Dark is free and open to all. An estimated 20,000 people attended last year’s One Spark After Dark, also at the JAX Chamber parking lot. ITINERARY: Wednesday, April 8, 2015 9:00 p.m. Canary in the Coalmine 10:00 p.m. This Frontier Needs Heroes 11:00 p.m Ha Ha Tonka 12:00 a.m. DJ Lil’ Boy Thursday, April 9, 2015 9:00 p.m. DJ Lil’ Boy 9:30 p.m. On Guard 10:30 p.m. Empire Theory 11:30 p.m. SUNBEARS! 12:30 a.m. DJ Lil’ Boy
One Spark”, The World’s Largest Crowd funding Festival, announced the headlining bands: Ha Ha Tonka, SUNBEARS!, Somebody Else & the Kopecky Family Band for One Spark 2015 After Dark presented by Brumos Automotive (Brumos Porsche, Brumos Lexus and Brumos Motor Cars & Mercedes-Benz of Orange Park) a returning sponsor. DJ Lil’ Boy has also been named One Spark 2015’s official DJ. One Spark After Dark takes place 8:00 p.m. to 1:00 a.m. outdoors nightly at the JAX Chamber lot, 22 E. Bay Street in downtown Jacksonville, during the April 7-12, 2015 One Spark festival. “One Spark After Dark”, in addition to live music, will feature limited edition One Spark Brews by Intuition Ale Works, late night food trucks and the exclusive One Spark After Dark Lounge for VIP
Friday, April 10, 2015 9:00 p.m. DJ Lil’ Boy 9:30 p.m. Wilder Sons 10:30 p.m. Domino Effect 11:30 p.m. Somebody Else 12:30 a.m. DJ Lil’ Boy
Saturday, April 11, 2015 9:00 p.m. DJ Lil’ Boy 9:30 p.m. Gold Light 10:30 p.m. Sleepwalkers 11:30 p.m. Kopecky Family Band 12:30 a.m. DJ Lil’ Boy “Sponsoring the One Spark After Dark Lounge was such a success for Brumos last year, we expanded our sponsorship for 2015. Brumos Automotive will sponsor all four nights of One Spark After Dark,” states Charlie Tomm, president and CEO for Brumos Automotive. “Brumos fully supports entrepreneurs, innovators and all creative participants of this unique crowdfunding festival and look forward to the next big thing One Spark inspires.” “Our team has booked an incredible line-up for One Spark After Dark presented by our friends at Brumos, and it will be the place to be each evening at One Spark this year,” said One Spark Cofounder and CEO Elton Rivas. “Featuring both hometown favorites and international acts, it’s free and open to everyone to come and experience.”
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JACKSONVILLE, Fla., Nov. 18, 2014 -- One Spark, The World’s Largest Crowdfunding Festival, today announced the lineup for their 2015 Speaker Summit presented by Community First Credit Union scheduled for April 7, 2015 at the Florida Theatre. Headliners for this year’s One Spark Speaker Summit presented by Community First Credit Union include Jeff Hoffman, founder of Priceline.com, and Daymond John, founder and CEO, FUBU, star of ABC’s Shark Tank, and CEO, Shark Branding, and Tamara Mendelsohn, vice president of marketing, Eventbrite. Local artist and TEDxJacksonville leadership team member Daniel Austin will serve as emcee and past One Spark music creator Flagship Romance will perform for attendees. The One Spark 2015 Speaker Summit presented by Community First Credit Union tickets go on sale today at a limited time early bird price of $55. Ticket prices go up to $75 on Dec. 1, 2014, and increase to $95 Jan. 31, 2015. Group pricing is also available for groups of 10 or more. The reduced ticket price for the Speaker Summit this year is made possible by Community First Credit Union’s title sponsorship. The reduced pricing makes the Speaker Summit accessible to more small business owners, students and early stage creatives. For the first time, admission to the Speaker Summit is also included for registered One Spark 2015 creators. To purchase tickets, visit OneSpark.com. “Community First Credit Union is proud to continue our support of One Spark and its 2015 Speaker Summit,” said John Hirabayashi, CEO and president of Community First. “This year’s event features a premier lineup of speakers sharing their expertise, experience and tips with our incredible community of entrepreneurs.” The One Spark 2015 Speaker Summit presented by Community First Credit Union also features talks by: John Boitnott, Serial Entrepreneur and Columnist, Inc. Magazine, San Francisco, Calif.
Nick Cicero, Director of Client Strategy, Expion and Editor, Social Fresh, New York, N.Y. Ryan Feit, Founder & CEO, seedinvest, New York, N.Y. Drew Hendricks, Founders Space, AudienceBloom and Contributor, Forbes, Inc. and Entrepreneur, San Francisco, Calif. Ted Murphy, Founder, CEO & Chairman, Izea, Orlando, Fla. Maya Penn, Founder & CEO, Maya’s Ideas, Atlanta, Ga. Joy Randels, Serial Entrepreneur and Founder/CEO, New Market Partners, Tampa Bay, Fla. Jason Surfrapp, Founder, IWearYourShirt, Jacksonville, Fla. Following the Speaker Summit presented by Community First Credit Union on April 7, the One Spark Opening Ceremony in Hemming Plaza at 6 p.m. will feature Echosmith, named by Rolling Stone as one of “10 New Artists You Need to Know,” and special performances by DJ Lil Boy and Mates of State. Food trucks and limited edition One Spark brews by Intuition Ale Works will also be on-site. The One Spark Opening Ceremony is free to attend and open to all. “We are proud to have attracted this caliber of accomplished founders and creatives from around the country to share their knowledge and inspiration at the Speaker Summit presented by Community First Credit Union,” said One Spark Executive Director and COO Joe Sampson. “When we expanded One Spark from five to six days, we wanted to use this day to add value for our community while attracting more visitors to Jacksonville, and we’re confident we’ll accomplish just that.” Complete details about the One Spark 2015 Speaker Summit presented by Community First Credit Union, including the full schedule and speakers’ biographies, and the Opening Ceremony is available online at OneSpark.com.
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The US Supreme Court Gay Marriage By James Smith In less than a month the Supreme Court will hear oral arguments on four cases that could lead to the freedom to marry nationwide. The plaintiff couples in these cases are just like any other couples. They know the joy of finding someone to spend their lives with, to share laughter in times of happiness and comfort in times of loss. But they also know the pain of being denied the freedom to marry or having their marriage disrespected in their home state, which leads to daily injustices that place their families at risk.
It's time for the Supreme Court to rule in favor of the freedom to marry nationwide. Read the stories and show your support for the cases that could end marriage discrimination once and for all.
The refusal to issue (and respect) marriage licenses between same-sex couples is not simply a Their stories are our stories—family members refusal to issue one piece of paper. It’s a heinous who love one another in ways big and small, and act by the state that forces same-sex couples to who only ask for the legal protections and respect face complications and roadblocks at every stage enjoyed by so many others. “We do exactly the same things as everyone else does,” Matthew Mansell, a plaintiff in the Tennessee marriage case with his husband Johno Espejo, told USA Today this year. “We teach our kids to ride bikes, we mow the lawn, we do laundry, we argue about money.” The Tennessee plaintiffs are represented by National Center for Lesbian Rights, Tennessee attorneys Abby Rubenfeld, Maureen Holland, and Regina Lambert; William Harbison and other attorneys from the law firm of Sherrard & Roe PLC; and Douglas HallwardDriemeier and other attorneys from the law firm of Ropes & Gray LLP. The plaintiffs are veterinarians from Tennessee who struggled to find a single health insurance plan to cover themselves and their baby. They are married couples filing separate tax returns. They are a Kentucky couple with one partner unable to in their lives together — the birth of their children, make medical decisions for the other after a their decision to move to a different state, the frightening diagnosis. death of a partner. The denial of marriage presents very real and It’s time for the U.S. Supreme Court to rule in fatangible harms for them and hundreds of thouvor of the freedom to marry nationwide and to end sands of same-sex couples living in non-marriage marriage discrimination once and for all. states.
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FLORIDA BAKERY RECEIVES THREATS By John Jacobs Days after the anti-gay pizzeria controversy rocked Indiana, former televangelist Joshua Feuerstein went after a Longwood, Florida, bakery for refusing to put the words "We do not support gay marriage" on a cake. Feuerstein made the request himself, and when Cut The Cake owner Sharon Haller refused, she said threats started pouring in. “He wanted us to put a hateful message on a cake, and I said, ‘We’re not gonna do that,’” Haller told Orlando news station WKMG Local 6, adding, "We started getting some hundreds of phone calls and making very nasty and negative gestures towards our business, towards us." As for Feurestein, he believes he's teaching a lesson about tolerance. “I believe that tolerance should be a two-way street," he said in a video posted on his Facebook page. "But now it is that there are news outlets around this nation that are trying to paint me and others like me -- because we’re Bible-believing individuals -- to be bigots and full of hatred, when we’re simply pro-freedom.”
and making very nasty and negative gestures towards our business, towards us," said Haller. "I never asked people to call, be hateful or boycott them," said Feuerstein. The video depicting the request has gotten more than 1 million views on Facebook. Feuerstein said he took down the video after the bakery asked him to do so, but then the bakery shared it. "If anything, I think this is going to help their business," said Feuerstein. Haller told Local 6 she has been losing business as people are putting bad reviews online, so she is weighing her legal options not only over her losses but the recorded phone call, which is illegal in Florida. There has been a GoFundMe page set up by the shop to help recover losses.
Shockingly,* hundreds of Feuerstein's viewers decided "For me, this is not about gay people; it's about religious freedom," Feuerstein said in the nearly 4- to take this as an opportunity to leave Cut the Cake hateful or threatening messages, calls which at last minute video. blush were still ongoing. It's at the point where Cut the Feuerstein told Local 6 over Skype that this was a Cake owner Sharon Haller has had to file a police resocial experiment following Indiana's new and port, and police have apparently offered employees controversial religious freedom law. escort to and from work if they feel unsafe. "I wanted to see if it was actually a double standard; if a gay-friendly bakery and one that advertised themselves as so on pro-LGBT wedding sites would actually bake a cake that went against their principles," said Feuerstein.
Picking a random bakery, placing them in an unwinnable position, then encouraging your followers to threaten their lives over it: totally what Jesus would do!
Haller said the experiment came at her expense. "We started getting some hundreds of phone calls
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