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Life Without Love Is Lifeless
Publisher/Executive Editor: David Vandygriff dvandygriff@cityxtramagazine.com
By Dr. Harvey Carr
Florida’s First LGBT Rights Vote By David Vandygriff
Editor In Chief: Harvey Carr editor@cityxtramagazine.com
Fair Housing Act Protect LGBT
Creative Designer: Jason Smith designer@cityxtramagazine.com
By James Johnson
Sales Department: Adam Plante, Esq. aplante@cityxtramagazine.com
Pope & World’s Only Gay Leader By Jacob Joshlin
What the Heck Is Genderqueer? By Evan Urquhart
Barry Manilow Comes Out By David Vandygriff
cityXtra Magazine is published by cityXtra Inc . 2941 Plum Street Jacksonville, FL 32205 (904) 300-3320 www.cityxtramagazine.com Like us on Facebook/cityxtramag Twitter/cityxtra
Contributing Writers
Walking Dead's Daniel Newman Out By John Hollywood
Things Your Boyfriend Wants To Hear By Debi Roaten
Laura Riggs, Dr. Harvey Carr, Attorney Gordon Nicol, Meredith O’Malley Johnson, Tina Vaughn, Jake Moore, Tyler Curry Editor HIV Equal Online, Sebastian Fortino, David Vandygriff, Joey Amato Publisher Unite
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Life Without Love Is Lifeless By Dr. Harvey Carr
"Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us." – 1 John 4:11-12 Dr. Alfred Adler, international psychiatrist, following a careful analysis of thousands of patients, stated, "The most important task imposed by religion has always been, 'Love your neighbor….' It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow man who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring." It may not be the most desirable, but we can live healthily being single or without romantic love in our life. But we cannot live healthily without at least one loving relationship. I would agree with Dr. Adler in that, more often than not, it is a lack of love that drives people into self-destructive behaviors such as: looking for love in all the wrong places and getting deeply hurt and disappointed; acting out sexually as a false substitute for love; and turning to drugs and alcohol as a means to anesthetize or deaden the pain of emptiness caused by a lack of love. So, if we are lacking in love or feel that we need more healthy love in our life, where do we find it? Easy question; tough answer.
First, it begins by admitting to ourselves and to at least one trusted friend exactly how empty and lacking in love we feel.
reveal who we truly are that we can be loved and accepted for who we are, and not for what we have ever done or have failed to do. As we are loved and accepted in this way, little by little we learn to love and accept ourselves. This, of course, takes courageous work and time. However as we learn to love and accept ourselves, we are not only freed to change, but also in a position where we are attracted to loving people and they to us. Remember, we can only be loved to the degree that we are known—and we can only love and accept others to the degree that we ourselves have been loved and accepted. Third, and most importantly, realize that we not only need the love of others, but most important of all, we need to know and experience God's love, forgiveness, and His divine acceptance. As we open up to Him and confess our true self to Him— sins and faults—and ask for His forgiveness, He forgives us totally. And, of course, we need to learn how to forgive ourselves. Then we are freed to experience God's love in the depths of our inner being. And joyously we will discover, as we grow in love towards others, our love for God will also grow and be enriched. As God's Word says, "If we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us."
"Dear God, please help me to find a loving friend with whom I can feel totally safe to open up and share my true self—my sins and faults—and give Second, remember that we get damaged in me the courage to be totally honest and do this. damaging relationships and are healed in healing Help me, too, to grow in love towards others so relationships. This means we need to be in that Your love is made complete in me. And then, relationship with at least one loving, accepting, help me to give the same love to others as they non-judgmental, trusted person with whom we can and You have given to me. Thank You for hearing be totally open and honest and open up and and answering my prayer. Amen" reveal our true self—warts and all. It's only as we
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Florida’s First LGBT Rights Vote By David Vandygriff
Rep David Richardson, D-Miami Beach, attempted to add language protecting LGBT into a bill regulation rideshare companies like Lyft and Uber (HB221). The House Democrats on Rep Richardson's amendment forced a recorded vote of House Members on the LGBT protections, which failed 70-44. "It's not going to give me as a member of the gay community protection and afford me the opportunity to use a transportation network company," said Richardson, one of two openly gay members of the Legislature. Legislation to give lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Floridians protection against discrimination is stalled in committees. HB 623 appears to be dead after not even receiving a hearing in the Careers and Competition subcommittee, which includes seven cosponsors.
Some of the Republicans that voted against the amendment Richardson’s added are advocates and sponsors of adding sexual orientation and
gender identity to the state’s anti-discrimination laws. With some of the Republican sponsors not voting for LGBT protections one has to wonder why they are supporters of a state wide bill protecting LGBT or are they really supporters? It appears the lobby groups need to go back to work and shore up its sponsors and supporters before next year’s legislative session. Rep. David Richardson is one of Florida’s openly gay legislatures currently serving in the Florida House of Representatives.
Bravo to Rep Richardson in getting House Members on the record concerning LGBT protections.
Fair Housing Act Protects LGBT By James Johnson
In a landmark decision, a judge ruled Wednesday that the federal law barring housing discrimination includes protections for LGBT people. Rachel Smith, a transgender woman, and Tonya Smith are the married couple who brought the case to a federal court after being denied a rental townhouse with their children because of their relationship. U.S. District Judge Raymond Moore in Denver ruled that the landlord’s decision violated the Fair Housing Act, marking the first time the law has been applied to LGBT people. It is illegal to refuse to rent or sell housing to anyone because of “sex, familial status or national origin” under the Federal Fair Housing Act, but it was previously unclear if LGBT people were covered, as it doesn’t specifically mention gender identity or sexual orientation.
Moore’s ruling, however, has made it clear that LGBT people are protected. The decision came one day after the 7th Circuit Court of Appeals ruled that the 1964 federal Civil Rights Act banned discrimination against LGBT employees in the workplace as well. In the Colorado housing case, the Smiths were initially told that they may not be allowed to rent the property because their two children might be too noisy, but the landlords then said they wanted to keep a “low profile” and the couple’s “unique relationship” might draw too much attention. Moore wrote that the Smiths “contend that discrimination against women (like them) for failure to conform to stereotype norms concerning to or with whom a woman should be attracted, should marry, and/or should have children is discrimination on the basis of sex under the FHA.” “The Court agrees,” he added. “Such stereotypical norms are no different from other stereotypes
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associated with women, such as the way she should dress or act (e.g., that a woman should not be overly aggressive, or should not act macho), and are products of sex stereotyping.” Lambda Legal lawyer Omar Gonzalez-Pagan represented the couple, and stressed that the judge’s decision was “tremendous.” He said in a statement, “It sends a strong message: discrimination against LGBT Americans in housing and employment is illegal and will not be tolerated.”
Pope & World’s Only Gay Leader By Jacob Joshlin
The Pope has welcomed the world’s only gay leader and his husband at the Vatican. Catholic officials invited Luxembourg’s Prime Minister Xavier Bettel and his partner Gauthier Destenay to the Holy See. Archbishop Ganswein, personal secretary to Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI, met the couple as they Bettel is currently the world's only openly gay arrived. head of government, though Iceland and Belgium have also had openly gay prime ministers. Bettel and Destenay joined other European heads of government for the 60th anniversary of the Pope Francis, in recent past, emphasizes that signing of the Treaty of Rome. "unjust discrimination" against gays and lesbians is unacceptable, downplays the idea of "living in Pope Francis later held a meeting with leaders, sin" and suggests that priests should use their including Bettel, in the Vatican. own discretion on whether divorced Catholics in new marriages can take Communion. “It was a great pleasure and honor for me and Gauthier to be welcomed by the leader of the He urged priests around the world to be more Catholic Church. XB,” Bettel later tweeted. accepting of gays and lesbians, divorced Catholics and other people living in what the The Vatican welcomed Bettel and Destenay like church considers "irregular" situations. any other married couple. It comes after they refused to accept a gay diplomat from France in "A pastor cannot feel that it is enough simply to 2015, a bid President François Hollande apply moral laws ... as if they were stones to reluctantly dropped. throw at people's lives," Francis writes in a sweeping paper outlining his stance on family matters. He urges more common sense and less unthinking following of rules. "By thinking that everything is black and white, we sometimes close off the way of grace and growth," he writes. Luxembourg is surrounded by Germany, France, and Belgium. Luxembourg is a very wealthy country and boast the one of the highest GDP per capita in the World. Most of Luxembourg citizens speak multiply foreign languages.
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What the Heck Is Genderqueer? By Evan Urquhart
Are gender stereotypes a natural, if culturally influenced, outgrowth of sexual dimorphism? Or are they a coercively imposed social regime that stifles individual expression in order to maintain oppressive, entrenched power structures? A great many self-certain people argue passionately for the former point of view, using it to justify everything from differences in employment patterns and wages between the sexes to their distaste for individuals who fall too far outside the expectations for persons with their genital configuration. On the other hand, members of the LGBTQ community tend to incline more toward the latter view, which is intellectually based in queer theory and culturally practiced by individuals who declare themselves to fall under the genderqueer umbrella.
gender norms in the course of their binary-defying activism. Members of the genderqueer community differentiate themselves from people who are transgender (itself originally intended as an umbrella term), because that word has come to refer primarily to people who identify with the binary gender different from the one they were assigned in infancy. Some genderqueer individuals undergo surgery or take synthetic hormones, while others do not. Some genderqueer people continue to identify partially with one gender, others do not. What they share is a deep, persistent unease with being associated only with the binary gender assigned to them from infancy—apart from that, their expressions, experiences, and preferences vary greatly from individual to individual. “Genderqueer is about acknowledging that gender expression and identity is not binary, that there are more than just two genders,” explained Jordan Miller, a grad student in Atlanta who described zirself as genderqueer, transmasculine, transgender, and femme. (Multiple and ever-expanding labels to describe the many different nonbinary identities seem to be a feature of the genderqueer community at this point in its development—along with the occasional use of bespoke pronouns.)
“I tend to not identify with a gender, because I would not be able to stick with one for a long Genderqueer, along with the somewhat newer time,” is how Sarah (who asked that their last and less politicized term nonbinary, are umbrella name not be used for this article), explained their terms intended to encompass individuals who feel genderqueer identity, which they experience as that terms like man and woman or male and something that shifts around significantly. female are insufficient to describe the way they feel about their gender and/or the way they “From [ages] 7 through 9, I believed I was a boy outwardly present it. The term genderqueer was and prayed I’d wake up and have the right body,” originally coined in the 1990s to describe those Kyle Jones, a blogger and workshop presenter who “queered” gender by defying oppressive who describes himself as butch and genderqueer, told me, “But, over time, I embraced more of my
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femaleness, being female but masculine. I was in my 40s when I did some soul-searching and realized that genderqueer really resonated with me because I’d always felt more masculine, but not male.” “I've identified as genderqueer for a long time. Femme (which is my main identity) came later, after a lot of reading. My history is as a life-long crossdresser (we mostly use the term transvestite in the U.K.). I spent a long time trying to understand what I was doing without reference to notions of ‘femaleness’ (which aren't correct for me; I'm not trans in that way). Eventually I realized that ‘femme’ fit me very well, though I came to that sort of by reflection: by reading about butch women, and in particular Leslie Feinberg's Stone Butch Blues,” writes Jonathan Tait, who blogs about gender from Nottingham, England, via email. The complex and swiftly changing terminology of the genderqueer subculture creates a barrier to increased understanding and acceptance of genderqueer individuals by those on the outside. Identifiers such as agender, bigender, trigender, neutrois, genderfluid, trans*, transmasculine, transfeminine, bear, butch, femme, boi, demiboy, demigirl, genderfree, androgyne, and others form a densely overlapping and ever-expanding thicket of language that can make the terrain of genderqueer identities feel a bit forbidding to those encountering it for the first time. Dividing the world into males and female is such a big part of the culture that it can seem impossible, and perhaps even aggravating, to try to think outside those categories. This is not only a problem for squares stuck in a binary way of thinking—many of the terms associated with genderqueerness end up referring back to masculinity or femininity in some way, which is a bit tricky if the ideal is to move beyond the gender binary entirely.
constrained by a culture that insists that they be either male or female, with all the expectations, assumptions, and stereotypes that come along with choosing one of those identities. Whether they shift their clothing and expression to suit their moods, work to achieve an ambiguous appearance that cannot easily be classified as male or female, or dress or act in a way that fails to conform with the expectations for members of their gender, or any gender (or something else altogether—when reporting on this community one learns there’s always room for more exceptions), accommodating genderqueer individuals really isn’t so difficult. It comes down to listening to what they say about themselves, accepting that this is true for them, and not making a fuss about it. Occasionally, it may also mean making an effort to remember a pronoun that feels a little awkward. The gender binary works fine for most of us, but who are we to impose it on those few people for whom it doesn’t? Perhaps the cultural concept of gender really did develop naturally from sexual dimorphism—but just as there are intersex individuals whose biological sex does not fit neatly in the categories of male and female, so, too, are there individuals for whom the standard gender categories aren’t working, for whatever reason. It seems unreasonably petty to seek to restrict them to those categories.
Outside of academic arguments about queer theory, however, the fact is that some people feel
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Barry Manilow Comes Out By David Vandygriff
Here at cityXtra, we’ve long been fans unabashed fans of legendary vocalist, Barry Manilow. That’s why we were thrilled in April of 2015 that word leaked out the singer had secretly gotten engaged to his longtime partner, Gerry Kief. Recently, the 73-year old pop icon gave an exclusive interview to People and shared some of the reasons why he came out of his glass closet after so many years.
Manilow took to Twitter to share the People interview with fans (aka Fanilows, which here at GPB, we most certainly are!)
Indeed, the star has remained fiercely guarded over the years and kept his 39-year relationship “…the couple has stayed together for 39 with Kief a secret, even after the pair married in years, all while remaining mum on his sexuality 2014 during an intimate ceremony at their Palm — an open secret to some in his long-devoted, Springs home. Manilow - who was previously mostly female fan base, a shock to others — and married to his high school sweetheart Susan even stepping out and living with once-rumored Deixler for a year before they split - maintains love interest Linda Allen during his relationship that most of his choices, including not coming with Kief. out, were made with his fans in mind. Manilow admits he’s always been hesitant to discuss the relationship — and to come out publicly, even after he finally married Kief in a clandestine ceremony at their 53-acre Palm Springs estate in April 2014.
“I thought I would be disappointing them if they knew I was gay. So I never did anything,” says Manilow, whose secret nuptials made headlines in 2015. “When they found out that Garry and I were together, they were so happy. The reaction was so beautiful - strangers commenting, Great In 2015, news of their marriage and Manilow’s for you!’ I’m just so grateful for it.” sexuality made headlines, something the legend calls “a blessing and a curse.” Today, Manilow believes his personal privacy pact had a profound influence on the person he Considering his fans, “I thought I would be is after all these years. disappointing them if they knew I was gay. So I never did anything,” says Manilow. Turns out, “When they found out that Garry and I were together, they were so happy. The reaction was so beautiful — strangers commenting, ‘Great for you!’ I’m just so grateful for it.” Manilow truly is a mover and a shaker in the music world. For example, he has 29 albums that have been certified as platinum status with three earning triple platinum status: Barry Manilow Live (1977), Even Now (1978), and Greatest Hits (1978), respectively.
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Walking Dead's Daniel Newman Comes Out By John Hollywood
Less than 48 hours after coming out publicly as a gay man, actor Daniel Newman showed up at the GLAAD Media Awards in Los Angeles not knowing what to expect. The Walking Dead actor had been in a whirlwind and it continued at the GLAAD gala last Saturday (1 April) when he was given a congratulatory shout-out from the stage of The Beverly Hilton by host Cameron Esposito. ‘It’s kind of a bubble. I’m a little bit in a bubble,’ Newman told Gay Star News before entering the ballroom where he would join Patricia Arquette, Troy Sivan, Mary J. Blige and other celebrities for a night of celebration. Newman is astounded that his coming out video on YouTube has been viewed more than 1.5 million times.
really, really grateful.’ In addition to his recurring role of Daniel on The Walking Dead, the 35-year-old Newman has appeared in episodes of The Vampire Diaries, Homeland, The Games, Heroes and Drop Dead Diva. As for his romantic life, Newman has been in a relationship for a year-and-a-half. He won’t reveal boyfriend’s identity at this point but said he has been ‘immensely’ supportive of his coming out.
‘I thought it was going to be a small little thing with some of my friends and fans and hoping some kids would possibly connect to me and I could make a difference in their lives,’ he said. ‘It kind of took off and went global and became this big thing now.’ In a video, Newman had boldly said: ‘Whatever happens to my career happens.’ He stands by that. When he compares being closeted to living openly as an authentic human being he said his career ‘is the last thing that matters. ‘I didn’t have any fear. I almost felt like I don’t want to work in an industry that would oppress people.’ Still, Newman knows that other openly gay young actors like Matt Bomer, Zachary Quinto and fellow redhead Neil Patrick Harris have continued to have thriving acting careers since coming out publicly. ‘If it happens (that I don’t get work) then it’s a great sign for me to know and if it doesn’t happen (and I keep getting work) then I’m thrilled and I’m r
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Things Your Boyfriend Wants to Hear By Debi Roaten
Telling your boyfriend those three little words: “I love you” is no doubt important. And hearing it back means a lot, particularly when it’s said for the first time. But if you really want to keep the fires burning, you’ll need to use other phrases, combined with actions, to keep your guy for the long term.
his job to walk the dog? If you have answered yes to any of these things, when’s the last time let him In the case of gay men, here are seven things know his efforts matter? Saying “I appreciate you” your boyfriend really wants to hear that go beyond tells him you really give a sh*it. One of the “I love you”. How many of these do you say? reasons relationships fail is because one or both parties don’t feel appreciated. 1 “I’m proud of you” - Telling your man your proud of him for something he’s working on is 5 “Let me pay for it” - When is the last time you important. These words demonstrate that you are reached for your wallet to pay for his cup of tuned into his efforts while offering coffee? How about the meal you two shared at the encouragement. What’s more, sharing your pride local restaurant? Do you whip out your debit card in his accomplishments keeps him motivated. Has for movie tickets or does he? You get the point. he packed on muscle, lost weight or kicked a Offering to pay for outings (particularly if he’s the habit? Let him know you are proud of his efforts! one who always does) sends a powerful message of affection in the relationship. It also changes an 2 “You’re beautiful” - Who doesn’t like receiving unhealthy dynamic where codependency may be compliments? But if you have been with your at play. boyfriend for more than a year or two, it’s easy to forget to offer them. If you truly love your guy – let 6 “I was wrong” - Are you one of those guys who him know he looks beautiful spontaneously, even just can’t seem to admit fault? Do you go out of when he thinks he doesn’t. Try it first thing in the your way to cast blame on others instead of morning while his hair’s a mess and his eyes are accepting personal responsibility? Guess what – still puffy. Guys – when you say this – that’s real it’s a huge turn-off to your man and doesn’t love. demonstrate love but instead, narcissism. All of us make mistakes. Why not own up to yours and 3 “You can do it!” - Sometimes, being a show your guy your man enough to do it? Doing boyfriend or husband to another guy means this will strengthen your relationship bonds and taking on the role of cheerleader. Your fortify greater trust. encouragement really does matter to him. Think of this the next time your man wants to cut down on 7 “I’ve got dinner” - It’s easy to fall into a routine carbs or increase his visits to the gym. And don’t where you let your man cook all the meals. On the forget to help him celebrate the important same token, it’s also easy to keep ordering out. milestones along the way. Example: If he wants to After a while, it can get kind of dull. If you truly lose 10 pounds and has already shed 5, cheer love your guy, why not turn things around and him on! cook for him? Even if you aren’t the best chef, there’s always simple meals you can create that 4 “I really appreciate you” - Does your man are dummy proof. Try making his favorite meal wash your clothes? Does he take care of the one night and serve it up with a kiss. dishes, throw out the trash and mop the floors? Is
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