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Religious: Love Means Saying No - Dr. Harvey Carr
Legal Corner: Adoption Crisis -Jack Smith
-David Vandygriff
Sales Department: Carlos Martinez sales@cityxtramagazine.com
Lesbian Dating Tips -Jennifer Williams
HIV’s Sweet Tooth Is Its Downfall Demon Buster Defects -Jennifer Smith
Editor In Chief: Harvey Carr editor@cityxtramagazine.com Creative Designer: Jason Smith designer@cityxtramagazine.com
Beach Bodies & Attitudes
-Tyler Curry
Publisher/Executive Editor: David Vandygriff publisher@cityxtramagazine.com
cityXtra Magazine is published by cityXtra Magazine, LLC. 2941 Plum Street Jacksonville, FL 32205 (904) 410-9592 www.cityxtramagazine.com Like us on Facebook/cityxtramag Twitter/cityxtra
Contributing Writers Laura Riggs, Dr. Harvey Carr, Attorney Gordon Nicol, Meredith O’Malley Johnson, Tina Vaughn, Jake Moore, Tyler Curry Editor HIV Equal Online, Sebastian Fortino, David Vandygriff, Joey Amato Publisher Unite Magazine
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LOVE MEANS SAYING NO By Dr. Harvey Carr Cynthia told of the time her father had made plans to take her on a night out in San Francisco. Twelve-year-old Cynthia and her father had been planning the “date” for months. They had an entire itinerary planned down to the minute: she would attend the last hour of his presentation, and then meet him at the back of the room at about fourthirty and leave quickly before everyone tried to talk to him. They would catch a trolley car to Chinatown, eat Chinese food (their favorite), shop for a souvenir, see the sights for a while and then “catch a flick” as her dad liked to say. Then they would grab a taxi back to the hotel, jump in the pool for a quick swim (her dad was famous for sneaking in when the pool was closed), order a hot fudge sundae from room service, and catch the late, late show. They discussed the details over and over before they left. The anticipation was part of the whole experience.
Cynthia recounted this story in a tele-conference I was attending in 2012 just weeks after her father, Stephen R. Covey, a professor at Utah State University and author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, had died. She continued her story by stating, “My dad’s decision to tell his friend and business associate ‘no’ and keep his date with me bonded him to me forever because I knew what mattered most to him was me.”
These spontaneous decisions imprint not only our children, but our partner/spouse/significant other for the rest of their lives. It’s what they’ll remember about us—with sighs of fondness, or winces This was all going according to plan until, as her of hurt. father was leaving the convention center, he ran into an old college friend and business associate. To be there for our partner/spouse/significant othIt had been years since they had seen each other, er, to be there for our kids, means we have to be and Cynthia watched as they embraced enthusi- willing to disappoint other people. It might even be astically. His friend said, “I am so glad you are an extended family member. It might be a boss. It doing some work with our company now. When might be a friend. The reality is, we can’t say “yes” Lois and I heard about it we thought it would be to love unless we say “no” to pleasing someone perfect. We want to invite you, and of course Cyn- else. thia, to get a spectacular seafood dinner down at the wharf.” Cynthia’s father responded, “Bob, it’s Anyone who knows me will tell you that I have a so great to see you. Dinner at the wharf sounds difficult time saying, “no.” I have said “yes” much great!” too often, because I am a people pleaser and want to be known as a nice guy. That is as wrong Cynthia was crushed. Her dreams of trolley rides as being a jerk who doesn’t care what people and ice cream sundaes evaporated in an instant. think. It is rooted in selfishness and vanity. Plus, she hated seafood and she could just imagine how bored she would be listening to the adults In 2010, I was traveling a good bit, and a call talk all night. But then her father continued, “But came into our home while I was away and my not tonight. Cynthia and I have a special time spouse took the call. The caller, after introducing planned, don’t we?” He winked at Cynthia and himself, said, “We’ve been trying for several grabbed her hand and they ran out of the door months to get Harvey to come and speak for us and continued with what was an unforgettable but he hasn’t put us on his calendar. I know we night in San Francisco. can’t pay him much, but could you put a little pressure on him?”
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Barry’s response shocked me. He told me, “I said, ‘No. I won’t ask him to do that, because if he speaks for you and you can’t really pay him, that means he has to be gone another weekend, away from me and our home. It’s how he earns a large portion of our living expenses. And I don’t want to give up another weekend I could be sharing with my husband so he can be with your group.’” Recently I began a new relationship with the most wonderful spouse I have ever known. We never make plans My spouse, several years younger than me, had more without discussing with each other the wishes of both courage even then than I often have now. After talking of us. with Barry and hearing his feelings about my schedules, my telling them “no” was easy and felt really LOVE MEANS HAVING TO SAY “NO” TO THE good. I am truly glad I decided he was more important LESSER THINGS SO THAT WE CAN SAY “YES” than any conference, as Barry was diagnosed with stage TO THE BEST THINGS. 4 cancer a few weeks later and died within 13 weeks of diagnosis.
Adoption Crisis By Atty. Gordon Nicol
When we think of adoptions we think of a win-win situation. A child finds a new family and the family is over-joyed to have their new son or daughter. Fortunately, the vast majority, between 80 and 90%, of all adoptions are successful. I wish adoptions were always successful. However, sometimes a poor match is made or circumstances come up that make it impossible for an adoption to continue to the final bonding. When an adoption ends before it has been legally finalized in a courtroom, it is called a "disruption." When a judge overturns an adoption after finalization it is called a "dissolution." Often times the term "disruption" is used interchangeably to label both processes. In either case, it is a very painful experience for the child, the family, myself, and all of my staff at www.Yourjacksonvillelawyer.com and the adoption agency workers. Parents who face the prospect of disruption need guidance. These frequently asked questions about disruption are a starting point. In a nutshell, the older the child is at placement, the higher the risk of adoption disruption. In contrast, it is very rare, for an infant adoption to disrupt. Depending on the group being studied, the National Adoption Information Clearinghouse says that the disruption rate in
creases depending on the age of the child. However, age alone is not a reliable indicator. If a family is well prepared to adopt a 17 year old teen, for instance, and the agency has offered full disclosure and supportive services, the adoption has an excellent chance to succeed in spite of the kid's age. Adoption failure risk increases when proper adoption practices are not followed, and especially when the children being placed are older, troubled, and have been through one or more adoption disruptions before. The above article is general in nature and should not be relied upon for specific legal advice. Every legal situation is different. Gordon T. Nicol, Attorney at Law www.yourjacksonvillelawyer.com 7545 Centurion Parkway, Suite 108 Jacksonville, FL 32256 Phone: 904-384-4911 desk@youjacksonvillelawyer.com
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Beach Bodies & Attitudes By David Vandygriff
The kind of pre-holiday pressure for body perfection once ing virtually nothing but chicken, training twice a day at reserved for women is increasingly put on chaps – and the gym, having chest waxes and numerous sunbed treatthey appear to be bearing up reasonably well. ments – and all for a 10-day holiday on the West Coast of America. “Looking good is massively important to me Ah, summer. The tennis, the strawberries, the glorious and it was hard work,” he admits. “But, hey, we’ve got sunshine, the long, balmy nights and . . . the insufferable the photos to prove how good we looked. My work colpressure to get a body that is (to use an expression that’s leagues even made a calendar out of them.” Just back all over men’s magazines these days) “beach ready”. Yes from Marbella, he points out that of the 25 pals he was folks, pecs need pumping, stomachs need flattening, with, all but two were in the gym a few hours before the shoulders need waxing and trunklines need tidying if flight. That’s dedication for you. you’re to have the perfect beach body for 2014. It’s a worry. And a worry, once mainly felt by women, that is It’s not just the twenty- and thirty-somethings who are now increasingly being experienced by men. going for beach-body perfection either. Snaps of Arsène Wenger doing his best impression of Daniel Craig coming Certainly, back in my father’s day, there was no such out of the sea and a superbly well-preserved 53-year-old thing as a “beach body”: the one you took to the beach Gary Lineker on a beach in Brazil made headlines across was the one you hauled to work every day, the one that Britain during the World Cup. “Older guys have even accompanied you to the theatre, and the one that helpfully more reason to turn themselves into spornosexuals than transported you to your local watering hole. younger guys because if you have a buff body, it can help distract from the slippage going on in your face,” says But times have changed. Objectified in the press (witness Simpson helpfully. headlines like “Harry Styles shows off his toned body!”) and by ourselves (thanks to selfies and social media), the Even I’m not immune to the pressure to look like a sex pressure is on for men to be buffed and body beautiful. god on the sand. Like scores of (paranoid) middle-aged Dan Osborne, star of the television programme The Only men, the minute I booked my holidays this year I began to Way Is Essex, has a lot to answer for. Looking more like panic about the inevitable unveiling of my bowling pinsomething chiselled up by Michelangelo than the creation coloured body. Now in my 47th year and a little flabby up of a faceless personal trainer, he ticks all the contempotop, I’m not so much beach-ready as bra-ready. But each rary beach-body boxes: rock-hard abs, impossibly pert year I swing into action, rediscover the gym, dig out my pecs, Action Man obliques and smooth, hairless skin. trusty Philips Bodygroom to assist with a bit of judicious And thanks to role models like this, the pressure to look manscaping and put myself on a strict diet (this year’s the biz on the beach is fiercer than ever. “For many men, lasted a whole five days, but that’s the allure of a chicken the whole point of summer holidays is to have a deadline madras for you). that you can be in peak condition by,” says author Mark Simpson, who coined the word “metrosexual” and its Anyway, I try. And I’m not alone. When TravelSupermar2014 update “spornosexual” (think of a metrosexual guy ket conducted a survey about men’s pre-holiday preparawho takes his aesthetic cues from the worlds of sport stars tions, it discovered that a quarter of British men hit the and porn stars in equal measure). “The beach is now an gym to better their bodies, while one in five diet amateur physique contest and a very serious one, where (hopefully more successfully than me) and four per cent the competition is one for attention, and where the judgsplash out on a spray tan. A recent survey by Gillette, ing is done mostly online once the holiday snaps are upmeanwhile, revealed that 69 per cent of British men trim loaded,” he continues. “We are in the midst of a 'big arms’ or completely remove their body hair. race.” So are there any benefits from all this pre-beach preening? He’s right. Simon Labbate, 30, works in the fashion inWell, yes actually. Take body-hair removal. “Hair-free dustry. Along with his pals, he once spent six months eat- skin can certainly feel cooler and fresher, and removing
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hair helps to reduce body odour, especially during hot and humid weather,” says Andy Rouillard, owner of Axiom men’s grooming salon. Getting rid of unwanted body hair can also have a massive impact on selfesteem. “I’ve lost track of the number of guys who have told me they feel more confident stripping off at the beach, or taking their kids to the pool, after taming their back and shoulder tendrils,” he says. As an added bonus, he reckons smooth skin saves money on sunscreen, too, since it’s not getting clogged in all that fur.
There are sound reasons for contemplating a spray tan this summer, too. “I see a 40 per cent rise in the number of men wanting spray tans in the summer months, and whereas men used to come in with their girlfriends, now they come in by themselves,” says James Read, a tanning expert who has sprayed the torsos of Hollywood A-listers such as Clive Owen. The reason is simple: “Regardless of your age, a tan before your holiday gives you confidence, makes you look healthier and leaner, and also means you’re likely to bare more flesh rather than cover it up,” says Read. “Have one and you don’t need to be worried about showing off your pasty legs in shorts anymore.” Speaking of which, there’s a lot you can do to help yourself look better by making the right fashion choices on the beach. “The fewer clothes a man wears, the more flattering each garment needs to be,” warns Dan Rookwood, a style guru from the fashion website Mr Porter. “The key to short length is to maintain the ratio of skin to fabric. Full-length shorts work best on taller men who would look like beanpoles in small shorts, whereas long shorts on shorter men will only accentuate their lack of height.” For those of average height, he reckons the sweet spot for
short length is an inch or two above the kneecap. And don’t even contemplate slipping into a pair of budgie smugglers unless you’ve a body like Beckham. All this you can do with relatively little effort, but I’m afraid the six-pack and abs are a totally different (beach) ball game. While there are topical potions out there that can slightly reduce the size of your love handles – Lab Series’ Ab Rescue Body Sculpting Gel being one of them – there are no real shortcuts to a body like Osborne’s. For that, you need hours in the gym, a high-protein, low-carb diet and a subscription to Men’s Health, the latest cover of which features enticing beach-body promises such as “See Your 6-Pack By August!” (luckily for me, it doesn’t specify which August). Of course, as a last resort you could always cheat and have your abs sprayed on. Read reckons that a little spraytan contouring can create the illusion of definition around the chest, abs, back and shoulders. You do have to have something vaguely resembling muscles for it to work, and your newly defined body won’t withstand too rigorous an inspection but, hey, it’s worth a go. “You know what they say?” says Read. “If you can’t tone it, tan it!”
Lesbian Dating Tips By Jennifer Williams
Maybe you’re thinking, “But wait! Who could be better at seduction than a woman? Women are basically the main reason that date night and Valentine’s Day were invented in the first place!” Well as it turns out, apparently everyone is better than lesbians.I think we all have our own lesbian dating horror stories that we like to tell our friends as a warning of things to come. Like the time a girl’s ex showed up and wanted career advice, or when you realized the girl you were dating was emotionally unavailable because she was having an affair with her married friend. Whoops!!! The revolution won’t come overnight, so let’s start small with some of the main DOs and DON’T Overshare For the love of getting laid, stop telling dates about your exes! In particular, don’t use your exes as some kind of weird parable for what you actually want from someone. Just say it. If you want someone who can articulate their feelings like a big girl, just tell your date that. DON’T be cheap Because you’re a lesbian, there’s an automatic assumption that you’re cheap. Fight the power. DON’T have bad boundaries There are oh so many ways that lesbians can have bad boundaries, but right here I want to focus on one: DO NOT bring a date to a girl bar or a girl party. Now that we’ve pinpointed some of the biggest lesbian dating DON’Ts, let’s talk about the DO’s. I’m going to skip over the obvious stuff, such as showering beforehand and not texting during the meal (although with some dates I’ve been on, these things weren’t as apparent as one might think/hope).
DO have something to talk about Ideally something that doesn’t pertain to being a lesbian, girl parties, the people you know in common or your ex girlfriend. This means, as part of your preparation for the date, you may want to read a book, the newspaper, or cultivate a hobby. DO put some creativity and thought into the date Think of your date as your canvas; it’s going to say a lot about you. Are you creative enough to do some Googling to find an interesting restaurant followed by an out-of-the-box activity Go Time: DO bring something cute Victorians used to call it a love token, lesbians should call it flowers, wine or something you saw that made you think of her. DO ask her about herself When she answers, ask follow-up questions that indicate your intent listening and the fact that you have a base line IQ that enables you to respond in an intelligent manner. Wrap-Up:DO text her or call her after the date to tell her you had a good time. Doing this doesn’t mean that you’re too available or that you want to marry her. It’s simply a polite way to indicate to someone that you enjoy their company. DO keep it secret, keep it safe. Obvs you’re going to talk to your besties about it, but try to refrain from buying an ad on Facebook. The greater lesbian community does not need to know who you are dating or what you did on your date.
Pre-Date:DO ask her out directly Don’t say “we should hang out.” If you want to ask Now that we’ve covered the basics, the idea is someone out, ask them out. RINSE AND REPEAT.
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HIV’s Sweet Tooth Is Its Downfall By Tyler Curry
Are you someone who craves sugar? Do you have an unruly appetite for cakes, pies, and ice cream? According to a new study by Northwestern Medicine and Vanderbilt University, HIV craves sugar even more than you do. Researchers involved in the study say that once the virus enters an immune cell, the body's intake of sugar acts as fuel for the virus to replicate throughout the body. Northwestern’s Prof. Harry Taylor explained how HIV seeks out active CD4 T cells, or white blood cells, which he refers to as the “commander-in-chief” of the immune system. Once it has penetrated the cell, it takes over its glucose to multiply and spread to other cells. Luckily, the team of scientists discovered a way to block the cell’s sugar pipeline and virtually starve HIV to death. "It's essential to find new ways to block HIV growth, because the virus is constantly mutating," said Taylor, also a scientist at Northwestern Medicine's HIV Translational Research Center. "A drug targeting HIV that works today may be less effective a few years down the road, because HIV can mutate itself to evade the drug." The team of researchers used an experimental compound to efficiently cut off its supply of sugar and stop it from spreading throughout the body.
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This is believed to be the first time that scientists have been able to isolate the ability of HIV to hijack the body’s immune cells and stop its progression.
"This compound can be the precursor for something that can be used in the future as part of a cocktail to treat HIV that improves on the effective medicines we have today," said corresponding study author, Harry Taylor, research assistant professor in medicine at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine. Benefits to the use of the experimental compound are numerous. In addition to limiting the virus’ ability to replicate, it could also slow the advance of abnormally activated immune cells. Most importantly, the compound could also help reduce organ damage by reducing inflammation and providing a less toxic method of viral suppression. The results of the study were published on May 28, 2015, in PLOS Pathogens. For more information, www.eurekalert.org
Demon Buster Defeated By Jennifer Smith
Kimberly Daniels will NOT be returning to Jacksonville City Council. She was defeated by Anna Brosche who will take office July 1, 2015. Daniels was known for her strong stance against the HRO and for praying the gay demons (so it was said) out of people. Several complaints were filed with the State Elections Office concerning campaign finance which one did result in an amended report to the Duval Supervisor of Elections Office. Our office has yet to hear anything back from the State Elections Office concerning these complaints that were filed over 6 months ago. The Duval Ethics Office informed cityXtra that the two complaints were not within their parameters of investigation of their office.
The Demon Buster Kimberly Daniels seems to have walked away without as much as an investigation from any government agency. Even after pending divorce documents were brought to light as her signing a court avadavat to the effect that her and her children had resided at the Davie, FL home for the past 5 years. The importance of such a document would prove that Daniels primary residency was Davie, FL not Jacksonville, FL and thus would have made her unable to hold office as City Council.
Kimberly Daniels would have had to have the Davie, FL home as her primary home in order to receive a GI Bill loan. Kimberly Daniels has denied allegations that the home was purchased with a “GI Bill” loan. Although many Quick Deeds have been performed on the Davie, FL home between the couple and the Daniels' ministry. It would appear the allegations and papers uncovered concerning Kimberly Daniels, might have used her ministries money to purchase personal property, including the home in Davie, FL. Her soon to be ex-husband further alleges that she uses the ministries’’ money as her personal piggy bank and not adhering to properly business laws. Although one must know that a church does not have to disclose where it’s donors of money come from. Kimberly’s ministry owns 3 homes in Jacksonville, FL with 1 commercial property here and another home in Davie, FL. The ministry also owns 13 vehicles which including a Porsche, Escalade, Lexus, etc. Ardell Daniels also asserts that his wife “does not respect corporate formalities and routinely uses the assets of the corporations as her alter ego, to pay regular bills,” and that there is a “complete blending” of their personal and corporate property, according to Florida Politics. One would assume the IRS might find such divorce proceedings very interesting.
Therefore, we hope at cityXtra that just because Daniels was not re-elected to office that our government agencies would do their jobs and investigation these allegations. Our citizens should and need to know the truth about a woman that repreFurthermore, Daniels soon to be ex-husband stat- sented our city only half the time during your office ed that she purchased the Davie, FL home with a tenure. To be continued…….. “GI Bill” loan. If these allegations are correct then
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