content 06 08 12 17 19 20 23 23
Thanksgiving Gay Holiday
Publisher/Executive Editor: David Vandygriff publisher@cityxtramagazine.com
-David Vandygriff
10 Gay Relationship Mistakes
Editor In Chief: Harvey Carr editor@cityxtramagazine.com
-Jake Russell
Creative Designer: Jason Smith designer@cityxtramagazine.com
Appreciate Your Life -Dr. Harvey Carr
6 Different Ways You Can Get HIV -Tyler Curry
Northeast FL World AIDS Week -Justin Bell
Equal Rights for Transgender -Jacksonville Coalition for Equality
Classifieds
cityXtra Magazine is published by cityXtra Magazine, LLC. 2941 Plum Street Jacksonville, FL 32205 (904) 410-9592 www.cityxtramagazine.com Like us on Facebook/cityxtramag Twitter/cityxtra
Contributing Writers
Jax Mayor’s 3 HRO Town Halls -David Vandygriff
Sales Department: Carlos Martinez sales@cityxtramagazine.com
Laura Riggs, Dr. Harvey Carr, Attorney Gordon Nicol, Meredith O’Malley Johnson, Tina Vaughn, Jake Moore, Tyler Curry Editor HIV Equal Online, Sebastian Fortino, David Vandygriff, Joey Amato Publisher Unite Magazine
night life JACKSONVILLE Boot Rack: 4751 Lenox Blvd. (904) 384-7090 bootrack.com Bo’s Club: 201 5th Ave. N. (Jax Beach) (904) 246-9874 bosclub.com
ORLANDO Parliament House: 410 Orange Blossom Trail (407) 425-7571 parliamenthouse.com ST. PETERSBURG
Club Jax: 1939 Hendricks Ave. (904) 398-7451 clubjax.com
Flamingo Resort: 4601 34th St. S (727) 321-5000 flamingofla.com
Hamburger Mary’s: 3333-1 Beach Blvd. (904) 551-2048 hamburgermarys.com/jax
Sporters Bar: 187 Dr. MLK St. N (9th St.) (727) 821-1920
Incahoots: 711 Edison Ave. (904) 353-6316 Park Place: 931 King St. (904) 389-6616 Metro: 859 Willow Branch Ave. (904) 388-7192 metrojax.com Norm’s Alibi: 2952 Roosevelt (904) 384-0029
TAMPA (Ybor) Bradley’s on 7th: 1510 E 7th Ave (813) 241-2723 Liquid Tampa: 1502 E 7th (813) 248-6104 liquidtampa.com
www.cityxtramagazine.com 2
Thanksgiving Gay Holiday By David Vandygriff
Happy Thanksgiving! In honor of one of our favorite holidays, we're taking a look at some of this delicious day's biggest queer secrets. From gay pilgrims to gay turkeys to drag-tastic desserts, here at 9 queer ways of looking at Thanksgiving that you might not have thought about before. Dig in! drag-tastic holiday dessert. 1. Gay Turkeys Want Lovin' Too! Multiple studies have confirmed that homosexuality has been recorded in over 1,500 different animal species. Not "natural?" Just ask the turkeys. 2. Think The Pilgrims Landed In Plymouth? Think Again. While history tell us that the pilgrims landed in Plymouth, Massachusetts, they actually arrived in one of the gayest towns in the world -- good ol' Provincetown. No word on whether they indulged in tea dances or hanky panky under the docks, but here's to hoping! Think there weren't any gay pilgrims to join in on the fun? Well… 3. QueerPilgrims While gays and lesbians living among the pilgrims may not have been able to be out and proud, two men at Plymouth faced execution because they were "convicted of what the law books said was a grave moral crime" -being in a gay relationship.
6. The Gay Art Of Thanksgiving Gay illustrator J.C. Leyendecker's Thanksgiving covers were published almost exclusively for "The Saturday Evening Post." "Between the Post, his work for U.S. military campaign posters and promotions, and his art for men’s fashion companies — most notably the Arrow Shirt Collar Co. — Leyendecker created a gold mine of male beauty," stated The Advocate. "His lucrative commissions financed a hedonistic Roaring Twenties lifestyle with his lover and favorite model, Charles Beach." 7. Abraham Lincoln Declared Thanksgiving An Annual National Holiday And we all know the speculation surrounding Honest Abe's sexuality… 8. Native Americans And The Two-Spirit Tradition Thanksgiving in present day America is a mix of Native American autumnal celebratory traditions and traditions brought to the New World by colonists. The NorthEast Two-Spirit Society notes that there are roughly 400 indigenous Nations in the United States and 155 of those Nations have "documented multiple gender traditions" including those who are "Two Spirit," or individuals whose spirits "are a blending of male and female."
4. Thanksgiving's Unofficial Fruit It's believed the term '"fruit" first became used to refer to gay men in 1935 and some believe it was due to the word's prior association with "a girl or woman willing to oblige." Gay men have long been connected to slang that serves to emasculate them -- and "fruit" most likely falls into that 9. Still not convinced about the queerness of category. Make sure to indulge in lots of fruits this Thanksgiving? We'll just leave you with the holiday! thought of a gay pilgrim making a turkey hmmmm let the fantasies begin. 5. Clueless About Cooking? Ask These Drag Queens Pandora Boxx, one of our favorite Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family, "RuPaul's Drag Race" queens and a blogger for weather blood or created enjoy your Thanksgiving HuffPost Gay Voices, joins Daphne Dumount and with family and friends. Saltina Obama Bouvier to help you make a
www.cityxtramagazine.com 6
10 GAY RELATIONSHIP MISTAKES By Jake Russell
Open Relationships. Define " open" ! How you and your guy define having an "open gay relationship," determines whether you and your guy screw it up royally or masterfully make things work. It's all about boundaries and agreements, both of which need to be checked and discussed about every 3-6 months. The mistake? No boundaries, no agreements, no relationship... period! Next!
secret that we'll keep just between us boys! No matter how much money he has, available party favors, "to die for sex", or the size of his loft apartment on 5th Avenue... if the relationship sucks, it sucks. It's a false sense of comfort to believe "If I leave, I'll be single and that's bad." Yes, you'll end up single and without his money, or the party favors, or the great sex. But you might actually be happier, and isn't that what you're really after? The mistake? Creating a false sense of comfort; believing you need others to feel "worthy" when all you need is love... self-love, to be exact.
To cling or not to cling. Nothing's more embarrassing than having a trail of toilet paper clinging to your sneaker as you walk out of the men's locker room into the free weights area at the gym. No, that's not true. It's actually more embarrassing to be too clingy or not clingy enough in your gay relationship. Admittedly, getting a gay guy to commit is tough, or so they say. What's harder than that is the "cling on" effect. The mistake? Not finding balance between "to No hall passes allowed. Remember how cling, or not to cling". you feared ahem, "having an accident" because Ms. Applebaum wouldn't give you Saying something, meaning nothing. If the hall pass until you calculated the square you're confused by this concept, then you're root of 64 or recited the Gettysburg a victim of this syndrome. Your gay Address? Well, you just might find yourself relationship is on thin ice if you're with the bathroom all to yourself if you and communicating by assuming you said your partner give each other hall passes. You something clearly and later finding that what should both feel free to do your own thing you said actually meant nothing! Hello, it's with your own group of friends, but don't time for "Gay Relationship Rescue Plan make things more complicated than they Numero Uno": speak to communicate, listen have to be. The mistake? Sucking the life out to learn, and validate what you think you of your gay relationship with a one-way train heard. The mistake? Assuming what you said ticket to "Distrustville". Distrust me once, is what your guy heard. And no, earwax shame on you. Distrust me twice, see ya! removal isn't going to help the matter. Separate lives. I've never quite Remaining in your gay relationship be- understood gay relationships in which the cause it's comfortable. Here's a little partners are in a serious, committed relationship but don't live together.
10 GAY RELATIONSHIP MISTAKES By Jake Russell (Continued)
I'm not advocating first date, U-Haul truck, move-in immediately, white picket fence warp -speed relationships, and I also understand that sometimes, things get in the way, like the question of "How would I hook up with other people if we're living together?" If that's your priority, maybe it's time to rethink this whole "relationship" thing. The mistake? If you can't live with your man, what other relationships in your life aren't you able to live with? How you do anything is how you do everything! It's just to make friends. Apps have overtaken all of our lives. I personally can't live without the app that warns me there are only four squares of toilet paper left on the roll; it sure saves me from some awkward moments. I also hear of more and more gay men, me included, who use gay-specific apps like Grindr, Scruff, and the likes, for making friends and networking. Honestly. The mistake? Not calling a spade a spade. If you can't be fully honest in your gay relationship about your app fetish, then your gay relationship won't be honest with you! Regular testing. Trust me, as someone who's been in my gay relationship for over 12 years, I know the value of being tested regularly — and so does my man. Every healthy gay relationship gets tested... otherwise it wouldn't be a healthy gay relationship. We push buttons, ignore needs, and think we're the only one not getting the attention we desire. The mistake? Assuming your gay relationship is above being tested. Test, test, test or the relationship could go to rest. Of course, test out of love for yourself, for him, and for the good of the relationship. Avoiding money talks. Just because we're gay, it doesn't mean we're immune from
having "money talks". If you can't talk about the big stuff, then the rest of the talks are just kinda fluff. Not that money is everything, but when you start analyzing the water bill based on who was home more on which days of the month, it might be time to have a real conversation. The mistake? Nickel and diming each other's spending habits in our heads, rather than banking on the fact that a real conversation about the state of the finances could lead to more cash in the love bank! Zipping it about sex! Shhh; let's not talk about sex. Really? Gay men are supposed to be the kings of sex. Talking about sex seems to be everyone's hangup, even in a gay relationship. The mistake? What doesn't get talked about doesn't get done... how much fun is that? (Answer: not very). I'm quite sure you have your own list of "mistakes" made, anticipate making, or refuse to admit you've made, in your trail of gay relationships. But remember that there are no mistakes: only purposeful lessons we all learn as we live, learn and grow. Now go find your man, give him a big, old smooch, slap him on his adorable butt, and tell him you love him. He may wonder what's gotten into you, but he'll also definitely feel good to know that he still turns your crank. Hop to it!
www.cityxtramagazine.com 9
APPRECIATE YOUR LIFE By Dr. Harvey Carr As we approach Thanksgiving Day we often start reflecting upon things for which to be thankful. Why not be thankful for the life we have and the experiences we share? I APPRECIATE LIFE! It's one of the easiest things to say, but difficult to do. At times it's very easy to think about, but difficult to follow through. As easy as it does seem at times, it can be hard to find just the right words to say in the right moment.
released the next morning only to visit the Special Procedures Department of the hospital for a procedure prior to going home for another month of in-home nursing while “sporting” tubes protruding through my ribcage. Eventually, all But no matter how you look at it, it is valuable for tubes were removed and the surgeons declared you to show your appreciation. This includes me “cancer-free”, telling me they did not want to showing appreciation for yourself, other people, see me unless complications arose. situations you're in throughout your life, and During that time of medical trauma I had plenty of everything else in between. hours to reflect over my life. I realized I have more What makes showing your appreciation advanced degrees than most people would ever sometimes easy to say and difficult to do? What dream of attempting, have been blessed to have makes it sometimes easy to think about but lived abroad, worked and travel extensively in difficult to follow through? Why is it you just can't Europe as well as the entire North American find the right words to say at the right time? No continent. I reflected on difficult times as well – the matter how you look at it, the important question good and the bad, the ying and the yang, the still remains...What does it mean to appreciate loves and the losses. I weighed the good times your life? against the bad. Checks and Balances- During your life you're On the surface such a medical experience looks given what I like to call "tests", also known as the like a situation most people would regret and challenging moments you face. No matter how wished they could do over. If I had that mindset it much you want things to always go your way, and would be ruining my life. Not only that but I no matter how much you want other people to wouldn't be doing what I love today. I wouldn’t always support you, the fact is that these "tests" of have discovered the depth of love from many of life are necessary and unavoidable. The reason is my friends. And I also discovered those because it's yet another way of learning how to “fair-weather friends” who suddenly vanished from appreciate your life. my life, never to be heard from again, when things became tough for me. You may be thinking, "Well how can something that I didn't want to happen in my life The most important thing that came out of this help me appreciate my life?" was and continues to be a greater appreciation for Let me share a personal example with you. July my life, because I experienced both sides of life in the process – the pain and pleasure, the giving 2015 I was suddenly hospitalized with a near-death medical emergency and remained in and taking, the nice and mean, the happy and the Critical Care Unit for 3 weeks then 5 weeks in sad. And who would dream of the joy of taking 2 a skilled nursing facility only to be transported by fur babies on walks and being able to see them ambulance the night before release back to the “pee and poop”. This has been yet another step involved in living a fulfilled life. hospital emergency room. Fortunately, I was
www.cityxtramagazine.com 12
6 DIFFERENT WAYS YOU CAN GET HIV By Tyler Curry
There are a lot of assumptions made about the kind of people who get HIV. Some people think that it is only an issue for people who are promiscuous, the poor, minorities, gay people, or whatever other group that they are not a part of. More than half of young people who are living with HIV are unaware of their status, and HIV infection half of young people living with HIV do not know is on the rise. So don’t be naïve about the kinds of that they are HIV-positive. people who can get HIV. You didn’t ask, he didn’t tell. Naturally, you Here are six common ways that you can become would assume that anyone who is HIV-positive infected with HIV. would disclose his or her status before having sex with you. So you just assume that since they You thought he was monogamous. didn’t bring it up, you are safe. Unfortunately, Surprisingly, this is one of the most common ways people fail to disclose all kinds of things, that people report becoming HIV-positive. When especially when it comes to sex. If you don’t ask, you enter into a monogamous relationship, you he may not tell you. And in case you need shouldn’t have to always keep guessing your part- reminding because he says he is HIV-negative ner’s is faithfulness or be forced to wear condoms doesn’t make it true. on your wedding night. But that doesn’t mean you should turn a blind eye to the possibilities of your You are a top so you thought you were safe. partner sleeping with another person. It’s common knowledge that HIV is such a “bottom” thing. So when a hot guy is cool with Drugs and Alcohol impaired your judgment. going at it without a condom, you consider it safe. So you claim to wear condoms most of the time, But if the same guy is unknowingly living with HIV but when examining your most recent sexual and carrying a high viral load, your risk may not romps, the details of them are a little hazy. Maybe be as low as you think. you wore a condom, but maybe you didn’t. Drugs and alcohol are one of the biggest risk factors You thought it couldn’t happen to you. It’s when it comes to the spread of HIV. If you know easy to consider HIV as not a part of your reality that your likelihood of wearing a rubber decreases and, therefore, not a threat to your health. So as the drinks start to flow, you may want to take a many people living with HIV do so in secret; never sobering look at just how risky your behavior may revealing their status to their friends and family. be. This, along with improved medications, has created an environment where people falsely He didn’t know he was HIV-positive. You like believe that HIV isn’t a part of their world. him, he likes you and both of you seem to be as healthy as can be. Of course you would use a , talk about prevention condom for a hook-up, but that isn’t what this is and condoms are so “unromantic.” Many people with your friends and your partner and don’t be so feel like sex without a condom is more intimate blind to the risks you face. Your sexual health depends on it. and a sign of trust. The decision to remove a condom as a relationship progresses can be a very good thing, but not before the two of you get an HIV test together. Remember, more than
So get tested
www.cityxtramagazine.com 17
www.cityxtramagazine.com 19
Northeast FL World AIDS Week By Justin Bell
Monday, November 30 Quilt Ceremony Location: Jacksonville City Hall 117 W. Duval Street Jacksonville, FL Time: 12:00PM - 1:00PM Contact: Justin Bell 904-556-2312 Women & Children Celebration Location: Shands-LRC Building 655 W 8th Street Jacksonville, FL Time: 3:00PM - 5:00PM Contact: Bonita Drayton 904-2443044 Tuesday, December 1 National World AIDS Day Community Education Event Tuesday December 1st, National World AIDS Day (wear your best prevention/ condom message attire) Location: 515 W 6th St. Jacksonville, Fl. 32206 11:00am-2:00pm Contact: ShaQuan Stewart 904-2531776 Jacksonville Memorial Service
Location: The Congregation Ahavath Chesed 8727 San Jose Blvd Jacksonville, FL Memorial Walk 6:30PM 7:00PM Service begins at 7:00PM Reception will commence after Service Contact: Timothy D. Jefferson 904389-3857 Wednesday, December 2 Condom Blitz (Blast) Locations: TBD Jacksonville, FL Time: 10 a.m-2:00 p.m. Contact: Torrencia Shiloh 904-2532985 Spoken Word (Poetry Competition) Location: Hemming Plaza 117 W. Duval Street Jacksonville, FL Time: 6:00 PM – 9:00 PM Contact: MJ Cranston: 904-3893857 x 211
Thursday, December 3 Education Day HIV Testing, Health Education & Condom Distribution at Local Colleges Time: 10:00am-2:00pm Contact: Shaquan Stewart 904-2531776 Friday, December 4 13th Annual Community Awards Luncheon Location: Omni Hotel 245 Water Street Jacksonville, FL Time: 11:30AM Speaker: Brryan Jackson Tickets: $30 each/$300 table (Parking info) Contact: Donna Fuchs 904-3561612 x118
www.cityxtramagazine.com 19
JAX Mayor’s 3 HRO Town Halls By David Vandygriff
Mayor Lenny Curry will have three public meetings billed as “community conversations” on whether the city should add lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people to the city’s anti-discrimination laws. The first meeting is scheduled for Nov. 17 at Florida State College at Jacksonville’s downtown experiences with attendees.” Curry’s office did not release the names of the people who will be campus. speaking at the meetings. Curry said during his campaign for mayor that he was not convinced Jacksonville needed to expand The meeting schedule: the law, but he also said he would take the lead in ■ Nov. 17 at 6 p.m. at Florida State College at deciding whether the city should do so. Jacksonville’s downtown campus, 501 W. State The “community conversations” announced by his St. The topic will be “Supporting the Needs and office are aimed at seeking what Curry has called Well-Being of Families.” ■ Dec. 3 at 6 p.m. at Edward Waters College’s a “Jacksonville solution for the people of Milne Auditorium, 1658 Kings Road. The topic will Jacksonville.” be “Religious Freedoms, Thoughts and Beliefs.” “In recent years, organizations across the country ■ Dec. 15 at 6 p.m. at the Jacksonville University have been leading discussions and spirited Public Policy Institute, 2800 University Blvd. N. debates about this topic,” Curry said in The topic will be “Understanding the Law and Its announcing the meetings. “While there are Effects on Businesses.” widespread opinions and thoughts surrounding it, I am most concerned about Jacksonville citizens Any change in the city’s anti-discrimination laws, and commit to learning more to determine local which are covered the city’s human rights ordinance, would require approval by the City solutions that address local needs.” Council. The last time that proposal came up, City The format of the meeting will involve Council rejected expansion in 2012. representatives of businesses, faith communities For more information visit www.jaxequality.org and families who will “share information and
www.cityxtramagazine.com 21
cityXtra Magazine CLASSIFIEDS ADVERTISING sales@cityxtramagazine.com (904) 410-2319 $20 per classified ad includes website.
PRODUCTS DIRECTV Starting at $19.99/mo. FREE Installation. FREE 3 months of HBO SHOWTIME CINEMAX starz. FREE HD/DVR Upgrade! 2015 NFL Sunday Ticket Included (Select Packages) New Customers Only. CALL 1-800-507-1856 Stop OVERPAYING for your prescriptions! Save up to 93%! Call our licensed Canadian and International pharmacy service to compare prices and get $15.00 off your first prescription and FREE Shipping. 1-800 -390-1463 Dish TV Retailer -SAVE! Starting $19.99/month (for 12 months.) FREE Premium Movie Channels. FREE Equipment, Installation & Activation. CALL, COMPARE LOCAL DEALS! 800-844-9029 All Things Basementy! Basement Systems Inc. Call us for all of your basement needs! Waterproofing, Finishing, Structural Repairs, Humidity and Mold Control FREE ESTIMATES! Call 1-800-717-9028
Acorn Stairlifts. The AFFORDABLE solution to your stairs! **Limited time -$250 Off Your Stairlift Purchase!** Buy Direct & SAVE. Please call 1-800-850-5371 for FREE DVD and brochure.
only to store our furniture while building our new home in $4900 904-307 4341
SERVICE
Jacksonville Elite Plumbers 5800 Beach Boulevard, Jacksonville, FL 32207 (904) 516-8833 - See more at: Kerrie's Cleaning 7days a week, Holiday's and Events. Spring cleaning, move in/out's. Apts, homes, VIAGRA and CIALIS USERS! Cut condos, mobile home, RV's (Owner your drug costs! SAVE $$! 50 Pills operated) Property Management for $99.00. FREE Shipping! 100% Exp. We supply all products 904Guaranteed and Discreet. CALL 868-9555 1-800-273-6667 We are North Florida’s Premiere JOBS Roofing Company with office in Jacksonville. We specialize in as24-7 Consulting, LLC is hiring a sisting homeowners by offering a Public Information Officer in Jack- storm damage inspection and assonville, FL. 850-559-1967 sessment. Call or Text Donna 904Drywall experience we frame hang 238-3165 and finish small jobs in jax since Jake Handyman Locksmith Ser1999. smooth walls and ceilings. vices, in Jacksonville Floripopcorn removal, textures any dry- da.9047084288 wall project done for less by small team of experts. min. of 75$ 25 Computer, Laptop Repair's and Seryears of experience. 904-755-3325 vices. Virus Removal, Upgrades, Data Recovery, LCD/LED Screen Kelly Services is hiring team play- Repairs, Custom Built Computers ers to work as vehicle processors in andMore. Experience Buy/Sell/ Jacksonville, FL. Please only apply Trade Call or Text 9042299233 if you can drive a manual transmiscityXtra Printing...LOWEST sion vehicle. 904-245-7550 A PLACE FOR MOM. The nation's largest senior living referral service. Contact our trusted, local experts today! Our service is FREE/no obligation. CALL 1-800-614-9419
CPAP/BIPAP supplies at little or no cost from Allied Medical Supply FOR SALE Network! Fresh supplies delivered 30 foot heavy duty enclosed trailer / right to your door. Insurance may floor anchors 8 foot high 8 foot wide. cover all costs. 800-758-5182 never used on the road. it was used
prices in J’ville banners, copies, flyers, graphics, website designs, programs, etc. Contact sales@cityxtramagazine.com 904-410-9592