Rolling Green Village Spring 2013

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Children are key to senior parents’ choice of retirement homes She crossed the threshold with a hesitant step—moving to Rolling Green Village hadn’t been her idea, you see—but one look around her new apartment in this popular retirement community and Mary Burgess felt almost immediately at home.

1 Hoke Smith Blvd., Greenville, SC 29615 864.987.4612 www.RollingGreenVillage.com

“I walked through the door, and there were all my family photographs hung on the wall exactly like they’d been at my old house,” Mary recalls. “(My daughter-in-law) Shannon did that for me—she brought my pictures, and my favorite furniture, and all my favorite things. You can’t bring everything, of course, but my children made sure there isn’t anything I miss.”

Indeed, Michael and Shannon Burgess worked hard to ensure his mother’s smooth transition into an independent senior adult setting. They’d done their research, choosing Rolling Green

Village for its continuum of care that comprises housing for every phase of retirement: a variety of independent living options—apartments, with choices ranging from studios and efficiencies to two- and three-bedroom layouts, and six neighborhoods of individual patio homes with one to three bedrooms—as well as assisted living, skilled nursing and memory care, and short term rehabilitation.

They knew Mary would appreciate Rolling Green’s many amenities, such as the Health & Wellness Center, full-service dining room, beauty salon and library, just to name a few, and services ranging from healthcare to housekeeping to transportation. Another draw was an activities calendar packed with interestoriented clubs, recreational opportunities  and cultural excursions.

{ “We didn’t have to look at a lot of places,” says Shannon. “We found Rolling Green and felt it was a perfect fit.”

Still, approaching his mother regarding the proposed move wasn’t easy because Mary—like many a self-determined senior—had expected to live out her years in her own long-time home.

“Yes, it was a difficult conversation,” Michael says, but circumstances dictated the decision be made to ensure Mary’s health and well-being.

“I laid out all the reasons why it was in her best interest. … Really, though, there wasn’t a choice. I had to be firm. We knew she wasn’t able to live alone anymore.”

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“Oh, I love it here. There’s so much to do and I’ve made some wonderful friends —we are just one big, happy family. Sometimes I think, ‘Why didn’t I move sooner?!’”

– Mary Burgess, Rolling Green Village resident

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Such conversations—requiring, as they do, a bit of parent/child role reversal—can be uncomfortable for all involved. To make it easier, Michael came to the discussion with a plan already in hand.

By taking over the footwork—exploring potential living options, then downsizing her old house and furnishing the new apartment—Michael and Shannon eliminated any stress Mary might otherwise have felt. “I trusted them to make good decisions for me,” she explains and, after 18 months at Rolling Green Village, she calls it advice well followed.

“Oh, I love it here,” Mary says. “There’s so much to do and I’ve made some wonderful friends—we are just one big, happy family. Sometimes I think, ‘Why didn’t I move sooner?!’”

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Getting Here From There One thing is certain. The distance between Point A and Point B – ‘A’ being a senior’s long-time home and ‘B’, a retirement setting – is seldom short or straight. And for grown children encouraging their parents to make a move, it can be a line uncomfortably drawn.

But the path from A to B is plenty well-worn, with statistics showing that, despite a common reluctance to move, 88% of seniors do not, in fact, live out their days in their own homes. So it’s best to walk your parents from there to here with patience, compassion and plenty of communication.

“There are some topics parents do not want to discuss with their adult children,” says Rolling Green Marketing Director Ruth Wood, “and those include finances, death and funerals, and health.”

Conversations about how and where to retire encompass all these taboo topics, of course, but delaying the dialogue only makes the eventual discussion

more difficult. Waiting until there’s a health crisis means going through a major lifestyle change at exactly the point when change is no longer easy and you have no choices.

“Engage in this family discussion early, when everyone is still healthy and active. Make it a planned conversation, rather than one forced by circumstances,” Ruth advises, because these decisions are too important to make when time is limited and emotions are heightened. “The choice of how and where to live in retirement should be as intentional as all the other, earlier major life choices such as college, marriage and career.”

Being intentional means fully exploring the options, putting a plan in place, and working the plan. When active senior adults make these choices, they are giving their family a gift! “Choosing a retirement center is a process, and should not be an impulse buy!” says Ruth.

Taking Your Time Unless prompted by a health or family crisis, most seniors do, indeed, take their time choosing a retirement home. Rolling Green data show there’s typically some 14–16 months between residents’ first inquiry and the day they move in.

George and Joan Mehaffey moved into Rolling Green Village three years ago—he to an independent apartment, she to Evergreen Place, the retirement community’s self-contained “memory care neighborhood” specifically designed for those with Alzheimer’s disease and other dementias.

“We’d hoped to keep living together in our own home,” George says, but caring for his wife of forty-plus years became increasingly difficult as her Alzheimer’s progressed. “My son Rick brought us on a tour of Rolling Green a year or two before we moved in, but we just weren’t ready yet.”

Rick had researched his mother’s illness and knew she’d benefit from Evergreen Place’s interdisciplinary approach to caring for residents with memory disorders.

But change, even for the better, doesn’t come easy. “It is hard to give up your home, to leave what’s so familiar,” George says. “That’s standard; everyone feels that way.”

He credits Rick with many a quiet but consistent conversation about making a move. “I know my son prayed a lot about this,” George says. w w w . R olling G reen V illage . c o m

“Eventually I realized we could not take care of each other any longer.”

He visits his wife every day at Evergreen Place. “She is getting the care she needs,” he says, “and now I can just enjoy spending time with her.”

Freed from the round-the-clock burden of care-giving, “I can finally enjoy my retirement. This was a good move for us, and I’m glad we didn’t wait any longer.” more on back  R O L L I N G

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Close for Comfort About eight years ago, Gerri and Mark Finkel were enjoying semi-retirement down on Lake Hartwell when she decided that, if they weren’t getting any younger—and, alas, who is?—then perhaps it was time to consider a true retirement community.

After hearing Gerri mention standard senior locales, like Florida, her grandson Bruce Jennings gently intervened. “I discouraged them from relocating anywhere too far away,” he says, in case something happened to one of them and left the other stranded without a loved one close by. “I said, ‘Wherever you go, make it somewhere near family.’”

At that time, most of their family was in Atlanta but Bruce lived right around the corner from Rolling Green. So when next his grandparents were in town he took them on a drive through the 175-acre campus—making note of the ponds, woodlands, walking trails and gardens—and Gerri says she was ready to move into a patio home right then and there: “I immediately fell in love with it and my husband, well, he eventually, reluctantly, agreed.”

In Rolling Green Village, more than two-thirds of the patio homes are sold to retirees like the Finkels—out-of-towners who have children or grandchildren living in the Upstate. They want to duplicate their previous, independent lifestyle within a less-stressful, more-secure environment that’s close to family.

Bruce says he didn’t have to convince Gerri—but she still had to convince Mark that giving up housework and yard work wasn’t synonymous with giving up autonomy. She made her case by emphasizing the spacious layout of the patio homes—theirs comes with three bedrooms and a two-car garage, a big selling point for self-proclaimed pack rats. She also sold him on Rolling Green’s unique fee simple purchase structure that allows residents to maintain equity in their homes.

“It’s been great having them close by,” Bruce says. “And I know they love it there.”

Gerri says they haven’t had time to grow old at Rolling Green because there’s simply too much else to do. “One of the real positives is watching how active everyone is here. It’s inspiring to see how vibrant people can remain, even into their eighties and nineties,” says Gerri. “We just stay so busy—we are still waiting to sit in a rocking chair!”

It’s exactly this vibrancy that gives Michael and Shannon Burgess the comfort of a choice well made for his mother Mary.

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“In Rolling Green Village, more than two-thirds of the patio homes are sold to out-of-towners who have children or grandchildren living in the Upstate..”

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“Rolling Green has completely opened up her world again,” says Michael.

“She enjoys the activities, she has a network of friends, and she’s having fun.

And we have peace of mind about her safety and well-being.”

So what advice would the Burgesses give to others with aging parents? “Don’t wait too long,” Michael says. “Have them make the transition sooner rather than later so they can enjoy all the benefits of being there.”

Special thanks to Karl Beason for allowing us to photograph his home.

For more information visit us online at www.RollingGreenVillage.com or contact Ruth Wood at ruthwood@rollinggreenvillage.com 1 Hoke Smith Blvd., Greenville, SC 29615 | 864.987.4612