Balanced Family Fall Issue 2015 by Cleveland Jewish Publication Company

BALANCED

FALL ISSUE | 2015

BALANCEDMAG.COM

FAMILY HEALTH | WELLNESS | PARENTING | LIVING

HEALTHY TAILGATING Football season is here, and Chef Chris Hodgson (with some help from his family) demonstrates how Northeast Ohioans can take in pregame festivities without taking on extra pounds

BACK TO SCHOOL: HANDLING TEEN TRAGEDIES 12 | APPLYING TO COLLEGE 20 | HIGH SCHOOL WORKOUTS 38

Award-Winning Menorah Park Aging Resources Center Helpful information at your fingertips Powered by the experts at Menorah Park Center for Senior Living We know finding the right information at the right time can be challenging. Through our well-attended dinner conversations, our website and phone contacts, we are dedicated to connecting you with a wealth of resources, support and care services for every stage of aging by combining a complete library of professional resources with Menorah Park’s expertise. www.menorahpark.org/ARC LEARN MORE LEARN MORE

Insurance & Social Services

LEARN MORE LEARN MORE

Healthy Aging Information Menorah Park Campus & Services

Financial & Legal Information

Resource Hotline 216-839-6678 Free Social Work Support 216-402-0895 Events Sponsored by the Barbara and Earl Franklin Fund Overall Program Supported by the David N. and Inez Myers Fund

Save the Date!

Menorah Park Aging Resources Center

Dinner Conversation

Brain Health Matters

Presented by Krystal Culler, Director Menorah Park’s Center 4 Brain Health

• Explore the four realms of brain health • Learn lifestyle tips and tricks to improve your brain health • Identify new ways to engage your brain Thursday, November 19, 2015 Dinner Hour 5:30 p.m. Conversation 6:30 p.m.

For more information, contact Beth Silver at 216-839-6678 or bsilver@menorahpark.org

Community 2015 Education Series at Lawrence Upper School Free and Open to the Public

lawrenceschool.org/ communityed Lawrence Upper School 10036 Olde Eight Road Sagamore Hills, OH 44067

n Thinking Differently: Reframing

Learning for a New Generation

Guest Speaker: David Flink

Wednesday, September 9, 2015 | 7-8:30 p.m.

Co-Founder and CEO of Eye to Eye

Author of Thinking Differently: An Inspiring Guide for Parents of Children with Learning Disabilities

What does it mean to be a “different thinker?” How can we make strides toward creating a world in which every learner is recognized? By sharing some of his own LD/ADHD journeys, David Flink will provide answers to these questions as well as a glimpse into the power of mentoring in the lives of different thinkers. JOIN US FOR THE REST OF OUR COMMUNITY EDUCATION SERIES: n Oct.

20: Learning Differences Meet the Tween/Teen Years: What Parents Need to Know – Lisa Damour, Ph.D.

n Nov.

11: Assistive Technology Tools for School and Work – Lawrence School Technology Staff

All sessions held from 7-8:30 p.m. at Lawrence Upper School

We thank the Bicknell Fund and The Fred A. Lennon Charitable Trust for their generous support of these programs. For more information on the Community Education Series or to register online, please visit:

www.lawrenceschool.org/communityed

dmiller@lawrenceschool.org | Questions: 440.832.7854

INSIDE

BALANCED KIDS

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TIMES OF NEED

Editor Michael C. Butz reflects on a fatal car crash that involved Ravenna High School classmates

Feature story COACHING SUCCESS

Known for helping the Browns on the field, Sam Rutigliano credits helping people off the field – as well as his faith and family – for a fulfilling and active life

REGINA BRETT

Leafing through the seasons: With autumn upon us, Northeast Ohioans can “let go” and take advantage of all the pleasures the season offers

On the cover:

Cover and photo below by Laura Watilo Blake

FUN ON THE FARM

Apple orchards across Northeast Ohio offer familyfriendly fall activities

FORCE OF IMPACT

Car crashes that claim the lives of teens leave holes in communities, and parents play integral roles in helping children cope with the loss of a friend or classmate

BALANCED ADULTS

16 20

HITTING A HOMERUN

Cleveland-area experts offer preparatory advice for those seeking to buy their first home

HIGHER ED, HIGHER STRESS?

The college selection and application process can be tricky, but parents play an integral role in guiding their children

BALANCED BODY

32 38

LEGAL SUBSTITUTIONS

Chef Chris Hodgson and dietician Lisa Cimperman help tailgaters avoid “personal fouls” to their waistlines by replacing the traditional fare with healthy alternatives

MUSCLE MATTER

With high school sports as popular as ever, strength training among teens is prevalent and helpful – but caution should be exercised

BALANCED MIND

Browns fans Jacquelyn and Chef Chris Hodgson entertain their 9-month-old daughter, Eliana, in front of FirstEnergy Stadium in downtown Cleveland.

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40 42

THE ART OF TAKING COMPLIMENTS

Receiving a compliment isn’t always easy, but not doing so risks sabotaging friendships – and your own needs

CATASTROPHIC CONCLUSIONS

Predicting negative outcomes and related disasters, collectively referred to as “catastrophizing,” can result in a harmful psychological cycle

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BALANCED

FAMILY

MATTERS FROM EDITOR MICHAEL C. BUTZ

Times of need

here’s no easy way to put this: It was a deadly summer for teen drivers in Northeast Ohio.

Though there may be more, three crashes – that claimed the lives of of six teenagers total – immediately come to mind: one that left two dead in May in Gates Mills; one that killed three in Cleveland’s Mt. Pleasant neighborhood, also in May; and a third that killed a teen in July in Lorain. In all three instances, speeding was in part to blame for the crashes, according to reports. Seeing headlines like these often stings – for obvious reasons like the loss of life and the hole left behind in the community, sure, but also because I’m no stranger to this experience. When I was only a month or so away from graduating from Ravenna High School, three classmates died in a one-car crash: fellow seniors Kevin Gatchel and Matthew Oostdyk and freshman Michael Gombeda. It happened on April 20, 1996. The three

were returning home from an overnight fishing expedition. They were said to be traveling at 70 mph or so when they went left of center to pass another car and lost control. The car went into a ditch before hitting a tree, which snapped the automobile in two. Speed was blamed for the crash. That all took place on a Saturday morning, which I remember because every spring Saturday back then, I was playing baseball. I don’t remember whether we won or lost the game, but I remember our coaches waiting until after the game was over to break the news to the team. Truth is, there’s never a good time to hear that. But it was an unavoidable truth, and I was thankful for how it was handled in the days and weeks that followed by all the adults in my life: those coaches, my parents, and faculty and staff at school. While it’s my hope that conversations about safe driving practices are held between teens and parents in an effort to prevent such crashes, I acknowledge tragedies will almost inevitably occur – at which point the conversation may

shift from prevention to responding to the grief your son or daughter experiences when a friend is killed. Along those lines, this edition of Balanced Family visits this important topic. In an effort to help prepare families for such an eventuality, reporter Kristen Mott talks with Clevelandarea experts about how best to approach these difficult circumstances and conversations with children. We also touch on other back-to-school topics, including navigating the college application process and determining when student-athletes can safely start weight training. While I encourage you to have preventive discussions about speeding and distracted driving, I also encourage you to be prepared for the day you might have to help your child cope with tragedy. For me, nearly 20 years after my friends and classmates died, the memories of how supportive adults were during a troubling time will last just as long as the memories of lost friends.

FAMILY Editor Michael C. Butz editorial@balancedmag.com Art Director Jon Larson Contributing Columnist Regina Brett Cleveland Jewish Publication Company Publisher & CEO Kevin S. Adelstein Director of Sales Adam Mandell CJN Managing Editor Bob Jacob Controller Tracy DiDomenico Events Manager Gina Lloyd Editorial Jacqueline Mitchell Kristen Mott Jonah L. Rosenblum Ed Wittenberg Carlo Wolff Advertising Marcia Bakst Paul Bram Ron Greenbaum Andy Isaacs Adam Jacob Nell V. Kirman Sherry Tilson Design Rob Ghosh Frida Kon Stephen Valentine Business Diane Adams Tammie Crawford Abby Royer Display Advertising 216-342-5204 adsales@cjn.org Circulation 216-342-5185 circulation@cjn.org Balanced Family is produced by the Cleveland Jewish Publication Company, 23880 Commerce Park, Suite 1, Beachwood, OH 44122. For additional copies, call 216-3425185. For general questions, call 216-454-8300. FIND US AT FACEBOOK.COM/BALANCEDMAG

6 | BALANCEDFAMILY | FALL 2015

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BALANCED KIDS PHOTO | Mapleside Farms This super slide is just one of the many family-friendly activites at Mapleside Farms’ Pumpkin Village.

Fun on the farm Apple orchards across Northeast Ohio offer family-friendly fall activities By Jacqueline Mitchell

he first hints of fall instantly bring to mind warm mugs of apple cider, frolicking in pumpkin patches, the crunch of brightly colored leaves and breathing in fresh, crisp air. Joshua Schmidt, general manager of Mapleside Farms in Brunswick, calls it the Halloween spirit.

8 | BALANCEDFAMILY | FALL 2015

“It’s kind of like the Christmas spirit,” he says. “When the leaves start changing colors and the pumpkins start coming up, the natural thing for people to do is go to a farm and get a hot cup of cider and pick a pumpkin – it’s the Halloween spirit. If Halloween had a North Pole, it would be Mapleside Farms.” Aside from offering all of the standard fall activities, which are excellent sources of family fun, local farms also deliver a welcome escape from ever-present smartphones, computers and televisions – and a trip

to a simpler time. “Visiting a farm is unique because as families, we’re so busy,” says Schmidt. “Technology was supposed to make our lives easier, but unfortunately, it has made us more accessible, and our time is all taken up.” Schmidt says stopping by your local farm is more than just an opportunity to stock up on fresh fruits and veggies – it’s a chance to make memories in the process. “Families want to go to a place not just to buy a product, but where they can buy a product and also make

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BALANCED KIDS PICK PLACES Northeast Ohio locations where families can pick their own apples and other fresh produce: Cuyahoga County Heavenly Hill Farm Rosby Berry Farm Geauga County Eddy Fruit Farm Patterson Fruit Farm Ridgeview Farm Rock Bottom Farms Sage’s Apples Fruit Farm Sunrise Farm Market Voytko Berry Farm Lake County Rainbow Farms Rocks Farm Secor Nursery West Orchards Farm Market Westwind Farm Lorain County Aufdenkampe Family Farm Baumhart Berry Farm Bergman Farm Black River Organics Chance Creek Blues Blueberries Columbia Berry Farm Fitch’s Farm Market Gede Fruit Farm Hillcrest Orchards Hook’s Greenhouse and Farm Market Krieg’s Strawberry Farm and Market Martin Blueberries Mike’s Berries, Vegetables and More

Miller Orchards, Ltd. Miller’s Apple Hill Ltd. Peasley Poor Farm Red Wagon Farm Rex Gees Orchard Schober Vineyards Slaga’s Blueberries Medina County Apple Cabin Boneta Road Berry Farm Earth Song Farm Geig’s Orchard Hillside Orchard and Farm Market Marian Kay Berry Farm Martin’s Blueberry Farm Pick n’ Save Orchard Pine Crest Farms Richardson Farms Seville Berry Farm Portage County Blue Jay Orchard Daybreak Lavender Farm Monroe’s Orchard and Farm Market Stotler’s Orchard Walnut Drive Gardens Wintergreen Tree Farm Wolff’s Blueberry Farm Summit County Jacobs Heritage Farm Stone Garden Farm and Village SOURCE: pickyourown.org

10 | BALANCEDFAMILY | FALL 2015

memories that will last a long time,” he says. “It’s the simplicity of the farm that people crave. It takes away all the stress you’ve felt all week because everything is a lot simpler. It’s the kind of place that we all remember going to as kids.” At Patterson Fruit Farm in Chester Township, families have the opportunity to pick the farm’s biggest crop: apples. “Pick your own is fun for all families to come see and do,” says Dave Patterson, manager of Patterson Fruit Farms. “There’s no charge except for the cost of the apples.” Families can pick their apples by the pound. Upon entering the farm, they are handed a bag, pointed in the direction of the orchards, and then they can weigh, pay and take their fresh produce home. “Each week we have different varieties that are available,” says Patterson. “We try to pick until midOctober. We’re definitely less crowded and there’s more available in September, but October is definitely our biggest month.” The farm also offers pickyour-own strawberries in June. At Patterson’s market and bakery, visitors can find farm-grown peaches, plums, pears and pumpkins, among other fresh foods. This fall from Sept. 16 to Nov. 1, the farm offers a large farm-themed play area for families during its annual Fun Fest. The fall fantasyland consists of wagon rides,

13 types of slides, a corn maze, a tree house in the woods and a giant straw pavilion. “It’s one of the few places where you can come visit a working farm,” says Patterson. “This is what we do all year-round. You can just come in and enjoy your time. There’s no structure – you can come and go as you please.” Mapleside’s Pumpkin Village, which kicks off Sept. 5, offers similar family fun activities: a super slide, a jump park, pig and duck races, seven acres of corn mazes and a 20-acre pumpkin patch where visitors can pick their own pumpkins. “We call it 100 acres of fun,” says Schmidt. “People love to come visit the farm because of the grassroots, nostalgic atmosphere it has.” The farm also hosts Friday concerts, offers a variety of fall treats in its market, and brings in experts to demonstrate their trades: pumpkin carvers, chainsaw carvers, apple butter makers and blacksmiths. “Mapleside is a farm, and we grow food and we sell it to the public, but just as much so, we offer an experience,” Schmidt says. “Just as much as we focus on cultivating good produce, we focus on the experience people have here when they come to purchase these things. We strive to create the finest fall family experience in the country.” BF

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BALANCED KIDS PHOTO | Bob Jacob / Cleveland Jewish News A makeshift memorial was created May 15 on County Line Road in Gates Mills, the day after the car crash that killed two Hawken School seniors.

Force of impact Car crashes that claim the lives of teens leave holes in communities, and parents play integral roles in helping children cope with the loss of a friend or classmate By Kristen Mott

or most teenagers, getting a car for their 16th birthday is a dream come true. Parents, on the other hand, are often filled with anxiety as they worry about the dangers of the roadway and the possibility of car crashes.

Unfortunately, these worries sometimes turn into reality, and both parents and students alike are forced to face the tragic aftermath. In 2015 alone, there have been three crashes in Northeast Ohio that have claimed the lives of teenagers: • Two 18-year-olds were killed May 14 after a Jeep in which they were passengers veered off a road in Gates Mills and struck two trees. • Three teens – 13, 17 and 19 – died during the early hours of May 16 on East 117th Street near Kinsman Avenue. The SUV in which they were traveling was speeding when it hit a pole and crashed into a building. • On July 13, a 17-year-old was killed in Lorain after his Honda sedan sped over a railroad crossing, lost

12 | BALANCEDFAMILY | FALL 2015

control and crashed into a two-story house. Just as parents have to grapple with the loss of their son or daughter, students have to face the loss of their friends or fellow classmates. Reactions to fatal crashes can range from shock and denial to depression. The intensity of the reaction often depends upon the age of the child, according to Dr. Kristen Eastman, a child psychologist at Cleveland Clinic Children’s. “Younger kids who are just starting to understand the concept of death and the world as being an unpredictable and uncertain place sometimes have a harder time grasping it,” Eastman says. “Older kids or teenagers get that things are more ﬁnal. They tend to respond

with shock and denial and almost withdraw as their way to process it initially. It’s OK to give them that little bit of room to withdraw and process it in their own way and on their own terms.” Many times, after children learn about a tragic event, they will feel concerned about their own personal safety and the safety of their family members, says Dr. Carolyn IeversLandis, a child psychologist at University Hospitals Rainbow Babies and Children’s Hospital. This can cause them to act more clingy toward adults, IeversLandis says, and can lead to other health issues, such as headaches, stomach pains, difficulty sleeping, changes in appetite or lacking focus on school work. Communication is a key

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BALANCED KIDS FATAL CRASHES Persons killed between the ages of 13 and 19 through June 30, 2015 Cuyahoga County: 6* Geauga County: 0 Lake County: 1 Lorain County: 3* Medina County: 0 Portage County: 0 Summit County: 3 TOTAL: 13 Persons killed between the ages of 13 and 19 in 2014 Cuyahoga County: 2 Geauga County: 1 Lake County: 1 Lorain County: 0 Medina County: 3 Portage County: 1 Summit County: 3 TOTAL: 11 Persons killed between the ages of 13 and 19 in 2013 Cuyahoga County: 3* Geauga County: 3 Lake County: 0 Lorain County: 1 Medina County: 0 Portage County: 1 Summit County: 2 TOTAL: 10 *Teenage pedestrian killed in a crash SOURCE: Ohio Department of Public Safety Crash Statistics

14 | BALANCEDFAMILY | FALL 2015

step in helping children learn to cope with grief. With young kids, Eastman says parents should only give them the information they think they can handle. “Very young kids may know somebody died, but they don’t need to know all the details of what was involved,” she says. “You can just concretely state a terrible accident happened and this person is gone. It can then be an opportunity for families to impart their own values about death and what happens after death and use it as a teaching moment.” Older children and teenagers may already have knowledge about many aspects of the tragedy, especially with the rapid-fire exchange of information via different social media platforms. Eastman suggests asking the child what he or she already knows and then continuing the conversation from there. “The older the child, the more information you do have to give because they have the means to obtain it,” she says. “You want to be as open and honest as possible. “They may already have a concrete understanding of what happened and you can go with that. They may come back to you later with more questions because kids often can’t digest all that information at once. Let it be a discussion point that they can keep coming back to.” Ievers-Landis says a normal grieving period is usually six months. If a child is still showing significant symptoms after that time frame has passed, she recommends exploring other options. “If you’re still seeing some signs of anxiety, depressed moods, difficulty sleeping, any changes in grades, you’ll really want to consult with someone and figure out ways to support the child, either with a professional or making certain that family members or trusted adults are available to speak with the child regularly,” she says. Oftentimes schools will bring in grief

counselors to speak with students, which was the case after the Gates Mills car crash, which involved students at Hawken School. Eastman says parents should take into account their child’s personality and needs before encouraging him or her to speak with a grief counselor. “A shyer kid may have a harder time opening up to a grief counselor who they’ve never met before,” she says. “Another kid with a different personality may have no problem in a group format and will open up and ask questions. “That sense of community that comes from talking about it as a school or a class can be really comforting and reassuring and gives a sense of safety and security in a situation like that.” As children and teenagers move through the grieving process, there are various activities they can engage in to help them deal with their feelings, Ievers-Landis says. Some children may want to create a “memory lane” project where they can compile their favorite memories of the person who died, while others may choose to decorate a rock or small object with the person’s initials so they can be reminded of his or her presence. After the grieving period has passed, Eastman says finding ways to keep a person’s memory alive can be a powerful mechanism for children and teenagers alike. “Once they process that initial shock of the trauma and emotionally digest and process the news in their own way, it’s important to find ways to keep that person’s memory or that topic alive,” she says. “Many students come up with something to do as a school to commemorate the person or prevent something like this from happening again. It’s very powerful and gives the kids a sense of purpose. They can turn their grief into action.” BF

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BALANCED ADULTS

HITTING A

HOME RUN By Carlo Wolff

Cleveland-area experts offer preparatory advice for those seeking to buy their first home

all of wax, can of worms, fantastically exciting, deeply enervating – all these metaphors and descriptions apply to first-time homebuyers, say Realtors and financial planners working in that field. Where to begin? Perspective helps. It’s not only money that matters in the complex equation known as homebuying, suggests Sally Messinger, a Realtor with Howard Hanna. “You’re not just buying a house, you’re buying a neighborhood, you’re buying friends, you’re buying a school district, you’re buying a playground,” she says. “You’re buying a lifestyle, you’re not just buying a home.” Making that kind of commitment can be daunting. At the same time, first-time

16 | BALANCEDFAMILY | FALL 2015

homebuyers have to speculate on how their first residence will fare in the marketplace if and when they want to move on. “First-time homebuyers don’t understand that when they buy a house, they have to think like a seller, not a buyer,” she says, noting most people don’t spend their whole lives in their first house. Couples have children, even couples who don’t think they will when they buy their first home. “People change,” she says, “so when you’re buying a house, you have to think, ‘I want to live here, but I also want to be able to sell it.’”

FIRST THINGS FIRST Messinger advises talking to a local lender before you start looking. Go local all the way, in fact. If the prospective buyer’s parents have connections in the lending community, leverage them. If the prospective buyer

has friends who have been through the process, tap into their knowledge. And when it comes to lining up mortgage money, put together a list of about five lenders to talk to for further consideration. “The big things for firsttime buyers are knowledge and understanding. They have to understand the market, they have to understand the process of buying – what’s going to happen, who’s going to inspect it – and they have to understand the outcome.” When the first-time-buyer couple walks into its house, both should feel it was a good deal, she says. “Buying a house is a huge, huge investment. Buy a pair of shoes and you can take them back. With a house, you have to get it right the first time.”

PROCEED WITH CAUTION Val Bendersky, owner of V.S. Realty Group in Beachwood, says buying your

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BALANCED ADULTS TRENDING TOWNS Locale and popularity matter to first-time homebuyers. They’re often intertwined. Cleveland Heights and downtown Cleveland are particularly attractive to young couples, say Realtor Val Bendersky Bendersky and financial planner Michael Leichner. Sally Messinger, a Realtor who also sells primarily in the eastern suburbs, emphasizes buying a home in character with its community. Bendersky, who sells homes in communities spanning East Cleveland and Moreland Hills, says “first-time homebuyers and young Leichner couples are buying in Cleveland Heights a lot,” particularly in Coventry Village, Cedar-Fairmount and on Fairmount Boulevard. Cedar-Fairmount is a particular lure because of its proximity to University Circle. “Cleveland Heights is coming back in those trendy areas,” Benderksy says. Messinger “From what I’m seeing, most of the young people want to live downtown these days,” says Leichner. “They’re not really buying homes. But if you’re going to buy a home in a neighborhood where you want to raise children and want a good school system, you would move to Beachwood, Solon, Orange. Mayfield Heights has a good school system, but the best are Beachwood, Solon and Orange.” “You can find values in any of those cities,” Bendersky said. “Even in Pepper Pike you can find a ranch.” Messinger, meanwhile, says that to buy a home with solid resale value, buy one of a type that’s popular in your desired community. For example, many homes in Beachwood have one-car garages; that might make them a hard sell in a city “where everybody has a two-car garage,” but in Beachwood, a one-car garage isn’t a drawback. “Strange layouts are harder to sell,” she adds. Look at the competition and get your Realtor to provide a list of houses that have sold in your area of interest, Messinger advises. That way, you can analyze the kinds of homes that sell in your price range. – Carlo Wolff

18 | BALANCEDFAMILY | FALL 2015

first home is a complicated process that demands due diligence. To him, the first step is figuring out what you can afford, based on your monthly obligations: mortgage, taxes and insurance on the house, something new for people who until now have rented. Parents can help, he says. They also can hinder if, for example, they go by their experience in a house they’ve lived in for decades, applying outdated yardsticks to today’s financial demands. Bendersky, who sells homes all over Cleveland’s eastern suburbs, says now’s a good time for the first-time homebuyer: “Interest rates on a mortgage are so low right now it’s a very good time to buy their first house. The rental market has been fairly strong and the rates have been going up on it,” he says. Financial readiness is key. So is focus. Set up a meeting with a bank, mortgage company or savings and loan you have a relationship with, have the area where you want to buy in mind, and run the numbers. Decide whether you want a house or a condominium. Decide whether you want a house that’s ready to move into or a less expensive one you can retrofit. “There are mortgage products out there that will allow you to buy the house and also put in the mortgage the renovation cost,” Bendersky says. These include mortgages available through the Federal Housing Administration that allow the borrower to combine up to $35,000 in improvement money with the first

mortgage – with a down payment of only 3.5 percent. Many young couples won’t have the 20 percent down payment banks used to favor, he says. “There’s cheap money, and now the interest rates are under 4 percent.”

PATIENCE, PATIENCE Create income and expenses columns. Save money for a down payment and figure out your cash flow. Then get a preapproved mortgage and look for houses. Keep looking. “Go look at 10, 12 or 15 houses; don’t buy the first house you see,” says Michael Leichner of Leichner Financial in Pepper Pike. “And before you go looking, make a list of what you want: a basement, a spare bedroom, a big kitchen, a large family room, a big backyard. Do you want the house to be made out of brick or cedar siding? Then go house hunting.” Mortgage preapproval tells you how much money you can borrow “and you don’t want it to be more than 25 percent of your income because you’re going to want to make changes,” Leichner says. Personal circumstances matter, too. If you’re anticipating a major income increase, for example, you might be able to stretch a loan and get into a bigger home. Another consideration: Will you be able to handle a mortgage if one of you drops out of the workforce through, say, pregnancy? Unlike Messinger, Leichner discourages looking at a house as an investment unless you plan to live there for a long time. A house is a place to live in, he says. BF

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FALL 2015 | BALANCEDFAMILY | 19

balanced adults

Higher ed, higher stress?

The college selection and application process can be tricky, but parents play an integral role in guiding their children

By Jonah L. Rosenblum

n times of stress, like the college process, sometimes you need a quarterback.

Who better to understand that need than Cleveland Browns fans? While the Browns’ search continues – 22 starting quarterbacks and counting since 1999 – your college applicant already has a quarterback: you. Your college applicant needs you. A 2015 Princeton Review survey of 9,650 students and 2,412 parents found 75 percent of students were feeling “high” or “very high” stress about the college application process. In the face of such stress, parents don’t need to possess the unflappable cool of Johnny Unitas. Just

20 | BALANCEdfamily | fall 2015

a little perspective helps, according to Scott Schulz, vice president of enrollment management at Baldwin Wallace University in Berea. There are thousands of colleges in the United States, meaning there are plenty of places where students can get a good education. Parents and students alike might crave the prestige of an Ivy League school, but what students do upon arrival on campus is equally important. “Part of their role is to reassure students and help them recognize that they don’t have to go to Harvard to be successful in life,” Schulz says.

There are many points of stress – including the exams that surround the college process. Thirty-four percent of parents and students said the SAT, ACT and AP exams were the toughest part of the application process. Scott Weingold, co-founder of the College Planning Network in Beachwood, says applicants are increasingly opting for help – paid help, if they can afford it. Schulz says parents don’t have to be drawn into an arms race, noting free online resources from organizations like The College Board, as well as the limited role tests play in the application process.

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balanced adults “The fact of the matter is that high school grade performance is the No. 1 predictor of success in college,” Schulz says. “To think that you have to go to a tutor is just, I know students do it, it’s not necessary. There are less expensive or no-expense options for helping prepare for these sorts of exams.” Extracurricular activities are another buzzword, as parents and students alike seek an edge, but a couple of hours of volunteer work aren’t going to trick anyone. “The kid really needs to find things that they are interested in,” Weingold says. “That’s what the parent can help with and say, ‘You seem to be really into ‘x.’ Have you thought about joining a club or taking an active leadership role in the club you’re already in?’” Weingold stresses this type of positive encouragement. Parents should help students understand the importance of college. If a parent acts indifferent, a student may pick up on and emulate that indifference. “Parents can really help to initiate and drive that conversation about this is why college does matter, this is why you should strongly consider it, and more importantly, who do you want to be and how might college assist with that,” Schulz says. Parents should encourage their children to look at a variety of options. Parents shouldn’t be scared off by high sticker prices – 58 percent of parents believe their children’s college will cost more than $100,000. Private

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schools can actually be cheaper, once grants, needbased aid and scholarships are factored in. A majority of parents told The Princeton Review they wanted their students to go to college within 250 miles of home. That should be a consideration, not a limit. Perhaps most important, the student should run the process. Schulz says there have been plenty of times where parents and students have entered his office and the students zoned out while the parents went through a laundry list of questions. The engagement is great. The message is not. “It tells the student, ‘Don’t worry about this, Mom and Dad are going to take care of it,’” Schulz says. “I don’t think being a helicopter parent is helpful in the long run,” Weingold says. “The child may get into a better school because the parent is constantly pushing and prodding and doing everything for them but you can’t do that forever.” The best thing parents can do is simply start the conversation – and start it early. “Oftentimes, parents don’t start really focusing on this process and talking to the kids about it until the senior year, which is a big mistake,” Weingold says. The conversation can simply begin with some big-picture questions: What matters to you? What are your hopes or dreams? “Just keeping the dialogue open is huge,” Weingold says. “There’s no perfect formula, but I think it’s just have that dialogue, start early (and) keep it going.” BF

“Parents can really help to initiate and drive that conversation about this is why college matters, this is why you should strongly consider it, and more importantly, who do you want to be and how might college assist with that.” Scott Schulz Baldwin Wallace University

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COACHING SUCCESS Known for helping the Browns on the field, Sam Rutigliano credits helping people off the field – as well as his faith and family – for a rich, fulfilling and active life By Ed Wittenberg

PHOTO | Michael C. Butz Sam Rutigliano recounts his time as head coach of the Cleveland Browns outside his Waite Hill home.

22 | BALANCEDFAMILY | FALL 2015

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FALL 2015 | BALANCEDFAMILY | 23

COACHING SUCCESS

PHOTO | Michael C. Butz Across the top of his piano, Sam Rutigliano keeps many photos of his children and grandchildren on display.

am Rutigliano says God has been good to him and his wife. The former Cleveland Browns head coach and Barbara, his wife of 61 years, are “in great shape.” “No. 1, we don’t smoke, and No. 2, we walk,” he says, noting both he and Barbara are 84. “We haven’t gained any weight; we haven’t worried about obesity or some of the things that hurt elderly people. “Encouragement is the

24 | BALANCEDFAMILY | FALL 2015

oxygen of the soul, and I try to encourage elderly people in Cleveland by where my wife and I are and what we do. You know, a new broom sweeps clean, but it takes an old one to get in the corners.” Rutigliano likes to stay busy. Since his coaching career ended nearly 10 years ago, he has worked as a Browns analyst for Cleveland stations WKYC-TV, WEWS-TV and SportsTime Ohio, and this football season, he’ll return for a weekly segment on

Mondays to talk about the Browns on 92.3 The Fan’s Morning Show on WKRKFM, a sports talk radio station based in Cleveland. He also works as a consultant for the football program of Notre Dame College in South Euclid, remains active with the Fellowship of Christian Athletes and does a lot of motivational speaking. But he still finds time to walk for 30 to 35 minutes every day. “It just kind of clears my head,” he says. “I think of a lot of things I still

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COACHING SUCCESS BROWNS QB THE KEY TO SUCCESSFUL 2015 Former Cleveland Browns head coach Sam Rutigliano believes quarterback play is the key to a successful 2015 season for the Browns. “You never see a jockey carry a horse across the finish line,” he says. “You’ve got to have players, and in the NFL, you’ve got to have strength at that position. If you look at Peyton Manning in Indianapolis and now Denver, Aaron Rodgers in Green Bay and Tom Brady in New England – just to name three guys – if you check the teams they have been with and what they have done for those teams, it’s unbelievable.” The Browns, who open the season Sept. 13 against the New York Jets at MetLife Stadium in East Rutherford, N.J., are a difficult team to forecast because it appears 36-yearold Josh McCown will be their starting quarterback. Second-year player Johnny Manziel is projected as the backup QB. “Manziel is going to be the guy for the future, I think, and it’s all going to depend on that,” Rutigliano says. “They’ve got a tough schedule, and every other team in their division has a quarterback and made the playoffs last year. “So I don’t know. I just hope and pray that it can be 8-8 or 7-9.” – Ed Wittenberg want to do, and I think it’s immensely helpful.” On a recent walk, Rutigliano got a phone call from one of his former players who was part of the Browns’ Inner Circle, a support group he cofounded in 1982 while he was the team’s coach to combat substance abuse. “He said he loved me and that I saved his life,” he says. “That’s big. I hear from them a lot.” A football coach for nearly 50 years, Rutigliano is best known for coaching the Browns from 1978 until midway through the 1984 season, when he was fired after a 1-7 start. His 1979 and 1980 teams were known as the Kardiac Kids because of the games they won with last-minute drives, and he was named NFL Coach of

the Year in 1980, when he guided the Browns to an 11-5 record and the American Football Conference Central Division title. Nonetheless, Rutigliano considers his greatest accomplishment as a coach to be the Inner Circle, which he formed with the support of former Browns owner Art Modell.

HOW THE INNER CIRCLE BEGAN In the early 1980s, when substance abuse became rampant among NFL players, the league mandated the hiring of a psychiatric professional specializing in substance abuse, and Rutigliano was the first NFL coach to comply with the policy. Dr. Gregory Collins, a psychiatrist and addiction specialist from the

26 | BALANCEDFAMILY | FALL 2015

Cleveland Clinic, became the Browns’ addiction recovery physician. Players with drug or alcohol addiction were required to undergo treatment at detoxification centers, and the program also included an aftercare component. “We had a program where we checked on it every day,” Rutigliano says. “I believe that’s the only way you can do it and be successful, because the major problem of that whole thing, that kind of illness, is you become a pathological liar.” Rutigliano says 10 to 12 Browns players were involved in the Inner Circle and that it eventually saved the lives and careers of most of them. “There were a lot of players that we drafted who could have died or would never have played for us if we had not done this,” he says. “A lot of those guys contributed to some of the better seasons that we had while I was the coach. And even though some people think they know (who the players in the Inner Circle were), I put my hand on a Bible and told them I would never, ever – even when I go to my grave – say who these guys were. “So I can’t tell you who they are, but you would just be unbelievably surprised at how well they’re doing.” The Inner Circle died with Rutigliano’s firing. He says Marty Schottenheimer, who replaced him as the Browns head coach, “was interested in the talent of the players that we saved, but he wasn’t interested in doing what I did.”

NEW FOCUS FOR COACH SAM In 2009, Rutigliano and Collins reunited to revive the Inner Circle – but not with pro football players. Coach Sam’s Inner Circle Foundation seeks to help disadvantaged children of inner-city Cleveland in a community-sponsored program aimed at combating drug abuse, crime and violence while providing character-building opportunities through sports, academics and mentorship. Rutigliano is chairman of the ICF’s board of trustees, and Collins, head of the alcohol and drug recovery center in the department of psychiatry and psychology at the Cleveland Clinic Foundation, is board president. “Dr. Collins saved about nine of our players back in the day, in the ’80s, when I was head coach of the Browns,” Rutigliano says. “Then about six years ago, he asked me if I would join him in this program. Out of my respect for him, and because of wanting to help the kids, I said yes.” The ICF’s program, Aiming Higher, targets children in Cleveland public schools who are not reading proficiently in third grade. It employs English teachers who work with the children after school. “If kids don’t know how to read by the end of third grade, about 80 percent of them could end up in jail or out of school and not being productive in society,” Rutigliano says. “Whether you’re rich or you’re poor, you can still do a lot of different things.”

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COACHING SUCCESS The goal of the program is to aid in the development of a well-rounded child by developing the skills needed to succeed in school and beyond, according to the ICF’s website. There’s no charge to the families whose children participate, and the nonprofit relies on the support of foundations for funding. “It’s working great,” Rutigliano says. “Kids don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. Being former head coach of the Browns has opened a lot of doors and has helped me help a lot of people.”

PHOTO | Coach Sam’s Inner Circle Foundation Third-graders at Cleveland Metropolitan School District’s Willson Elementary School handle a snake brought by Jungle Terry during a Coach Sam’s Inner Circle Foundation personal development session.

A LONG ROAD TO PRO FOOTBALL Rutigliano grew up in Brooklyn, N.Y., and played football, basketball and baseball at Erasmus Hall High School in Brooklyn, which has many famous alumni. They include Al Davis, former owner and general manager of the Oakland Raiders; Jerry Reinsdorf, part owner of the Chicago Bulls and Chicago White Sox; former NBA star and coach Billy Cunningham; and singers Neil Diamond and Barbra Streisand. Rutigliano aspired to teach and coach. He played college football at the University of Tennessee in Knoxville and the University of Tulsa in Oklahoma, from which he graduated with a bachelor’s degree. He earned a master’s degree from Columbia University in New York. After coaching football at the high school and college levels, Rutigliano landed his first pro job as an assistant coach with

the Denver Broncos, then of the American Football League, in 1967. Over the next 11 years, he served as an assistant coach for the Broncos, the New England Patriots, the New York Jets and the New Orleans Saints before being hired as the Browns head coach in 1978. “While I was an assistant coach with the Patriots, Peter Hadhazy was assistant general manager, and we became friends,” Rutigliano says. “He got the general manager’s job with the Browns, and he gave me a call in New Orleans (in 1977) and said, ‘When the season’s over, we’re going to call you in here, and if you don’t blow the interview, you’re going to get the job (as Browns head coach).’ “And I got the job because of him. We moved to Cleveland and have been here ever since.” More than 30 years after he coached his last game in Cleveland, Rutigliano

28 | BALANCEDFAMILY | FALL 2015

still calls the city his home. He and Barbara have maintained their home in Waite Hill, a rural village in Lake County, since 1978 – even while he was head football coach at Liberty University in Lynchburg, Va., from 1988 to 1999 and served as an assistant coach in NFL Europe for seven more years. “Barbara and I have lived in a lot of different places, and we just felt (Cleveland) was a great place,” he says. “I find Cleveland very unique in terms of the West Side and the East Side and how people really care about each other. I live 19 minutes from downtown, on 11 acres, so I like everything about it. My wife has loved it. “I think we’re going to make a comeback in the inner city. It looks to me like more people are going to be living here, and I just thoroughly enjoy the people who live here.”

Rutigliano is used to reciting the figures – and joking about them: “We moved 19 times, our kids went to 23 schools, and we bought and sold 13 houses, so you know I am married to a saint. Divorce was never an option; murder maybe – and I’m talking about her murdering me, not the other way around – but not divorce.”

TRAGEDY CHANGED RUTIGLIANO’S LIFE The couple has a son, Paul, an assistant athletic director at Liberty University in Lynchburg, Va., and daughters Alison Moosey, a stay-at-home mom who lives in Waite Hill, and Kerry Littlefield, a teacher in the Mayfield schools who resides in Mayfield Village. They also have three grandchildren and three great-grandchildren. A fourth child, Nancy, died in an automobile crash at age 4 in 1962. Rutigliano

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coaching success says that tragedy became the vehicle for bringing him and Barbara closer to God and enabling them to withstand some of the pressures and tough times that came later. “It’s indefinable to have lost a child and what you go through,” he says. “We had a very difficult first couple years (after Nancy’s death), but we had a wonderful pastor in Greenwich, Conn., who helped us get through it. God is No. 1, but the real cure after that is helping someone else. “Not a month has gone by since that time that I haven’t met someone who has had a similar experience and I’m able

to help them. When I talk to people who have gone through that kind of experience, they listen because you have been there and God gives you strength to just live; that comes, as I said, from helping others.” In his autobiography, “Pressure,” published in 1988, Rutigliano relates how his faith became the catalyst that changed his life and bolstered his strength when he was confronted with his players’ drug problems as the Browns coach. “I don’t know how the NFL operates right now, but my feeling is if I drafted (Browns quarterback)

Johnny Manziel in the first round, I had to know something was going on at Texas A&M (where Manziel played college football),” he says. “So if I drafted him, I would have helped that guy right away. Now he’s beginning to help himself, and hopefully, prayerfully, he’ll be able to handle the most important position in the NFL and be able to not get involved in any alcoholism or drugs.” When asked what he thinks his legacy will be, Rutigliano responds, “That’s a really interesting question.” “There are two things I have fought for my entire life that I believe in,” he

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says. “One is Jesus Christ, and the other is (dealing with) adversity. I hope and pray that people will remember me for what I did and not for what I won. “The football end of it was great, because of (previous Browns head coaches) Paul Brown and Blanton Collier and what Cleveland has been all about. But more important would be the things I was able to do, through adversity and God and all the different things I’ve done in my life. “I won more than 10 games, but I saved 10 lives. The greatest victories don’t always happen on the field.” BF

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FALL 2015 | BALANCEDFAMILY | 33

balanced body hris Hodgson is known across Greater Cleveland for great food. Perhaps unsurprisingly, the lifelong Browns fan also knows a thing or two about tailgating.

Hodgson took a break from his season-opening tailgate duties last year as he and his wife, Jacquelyn, welcomed to the world their now-9-month-old daughter, Eliana (both pictured above). But fear not, Browns fans: Hodgson’s food can be found inside FirstEnergy Stadium. As part of the Phase II renovations and a partnership with Aramark, Downtown Dogs – featuring an array of specialty hot dogs – will be on the 100 Level.

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Until last season, Hodgson – partner and chef for The Driftwood Group, which consists of eight restaurants throughout Northeast Ohio – for several years hosted a pig roast tailgate to kickoff the football season.* Among other things, the 29-year-old Moreland Hills resident enjoys the “energy, fun and camaraderie” that accompany Browns tailgating. “It’s a big Browns family,” he says. “If you’re not wearing the other team’s jersey, you’re part of the family and you’re welcome to join the festivities.” And like with any good family gathering, food is prevalent during tailgating. Lots of food, and often comfort food at that – which for the health-conscious tailgater may pose challenges. But like a coach who must alter his strategy for different opponents, Hodgson has a playbook to turn to, so to speak, which allows him to provide healthy tailgating options – options others can easily follow. Starting with the main course, which for many tailgaters means meat, Hodgson says one of his favorite healthy options is smoked chicken wings. One of his go-to specialties: smoked wings with a rub that includes paprika, garlic, cinnamon, onion powder, garlic powder, salt and pepper that’s tossed with a mixture of vinegar, hot sauce and honey. Fellow Browns fan Lisa Cimperman, a registered dietitian at University Hospitals, agrees that meat is a good place to start when discussing healthy tailgating. “Evaluate the type of meat you’re grilling. As far as ground beef, you can choose 90 percent lean ground beef rather than 80-20. Also, good things to include would be chicken breasts or sea food – like a more hearty fish that will grill well, like tuna, halibut or scallops,” she says, adding that chicken and vegetable kabobs that can be marinated ahead of time and grilled at the tailgate are another good option. For those who may be trying to eliminate meat altogether, or trying to cater to vegetarian guests, Cimperman says, “Black beans and quinoa add a lot of flavor, so they’re good alternatives to meat – or even portabella mushroom caps.” Hodgson is also a fan of vegetables as healthy tailgating alternatives. “I’m a huge fall vegetables guy: grilled butternut squash, grilled zucchini and grilled sweet potatoes,” he says. “Grilled sweet potatoes are probably one of my favorites. I grill them and glaze them with maple syrup and sriracha.” Cimperman also suggests rethinking typical side dishes like potato salad and macaroni salad.

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“The first thing you want to do is survey your options and decide what you’re going to splurge on and what you’re going to cut back on. Then, make yourself a plate of food and stick to that plate of food.” Lisa Cimperman University Hospitals “Those can still be good options, but swapping out traditional mayo for something like Greek yogurt would definitely cut back on calories and fat as well as add some protein,” she says, adding that adjusting ingredients is another approach to making healthier dishes. “When people are looking to make recipe adjustments, start by swapping out a quarter to half of the amount and see how your recipe turns out – and make adjustments from there,” she says. Other staples among tailgating dishes are salty snacks and the condiments that go hand-in-hand with them. “You can’t have a tailgate without chips or other salty snacks. Good alternatives would be popcorn, baked chips and pretzels, and I always like to have salsa or guacamole as better options than a French onion dip or cheese dip,” Cimperman says. “Guacamole contains

monosaturated fat, which is a heart-healthy fat, and salsa is a great condiment that provides very few calories but a lot of flavor.” Hodgson agrees and suggests spinach chips, kale chips and multigrain crackers are good alternatives. “Stay away from chips and dips,” he says. Tailgaters of course need something to wash down all that food, and chances are good that alcohol is available. The calories consumed from drinking beer, for example, are sometimes overlooked. “It’s wise to alternate every alcoholic drink with water – for many reasons, not least of which is it helps cut back on your calorie intake from alcohol,” Cimperman says. “And as we know, drinking alcohol lowers inhibitions, so we tend to eat more when we drink alcohol.” Another approach to reducing tailgating calories is portion control.

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ABOVE: Hodgson’s tomato salad includes grilled tomatoes, burrata, pumpkin seeds, raisins, red onions, cucumbers and mint. BELOW: Hodgson’s grilled sweet potatoes that he later glazes with a mix of maple syrup and sriracha.

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BALANCED BODY

Alternating alcoholic drinks with water and making smarter choices regarding salty snacks by including things like popcorn, baked chips and pretzels are just two ways tailgaters can make their pregame festivities healthier.

“The first thing you want to do is survey your options and decide what you’re going to splurge on and what you’re going to cut back on. Then, make yourself a plate of food and stick to that plate of food,” Cimperman says. “Typically, we’re tailgating for a good amount of time – but if we’re grazing or eating out of a bag, we tend to lose track of how much we’re eating.” Staying active while tailgating – for which there usually is no shortage of opportunities in the Muni Lot – is another calorie-reducing strategy. “Anytime you can work in some type of activity, that obviously is going to burn some calories or offset some indulgences. Take a walk during halftime or organize a game of catch prior to the game,” Cimperman says. “When you’re mingling and talking, you can’t be eating, so make sure you have a social aspect to your tailgating and that might help keep your (calorie) intake in check.” BF

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LIGHT(ER) BITES

A recap of University Hospitals dietitian Lisa Cimperman’s healthy tailgating tips: Evaluate your meat. Consider using 90 percent lean ground beef; grilling chicken or hearty fish that will grill well like tuna, halibut or scallops; making kabobs that include vegetables. Make smarter snack and condiment choices. Baked chips, popcorn and pretzels are good alternatives to traditional chips, and salsa and guacamole are flavorful alternatives to traditional dip.

Rethink side dishes. Swapping out traditional mayonnaise for something like Greek yogurt can reduce calories and fat while adding protein. Grab a plate. Stick to that serving size and avoid grazing, which can lead tailgaters to lose track of how much food they’re consuming. Alternate drinks. Mixing in glasses of water between bottles of beer lowers caloric intake and often translates to eating less. – Michael C. Butz

FALL 2015 | BALANCEDFAMILY | 37

balanced body

Muscle matter With high school sports as popular as ever, strength training among teens is prevalent and helpful – but caution should be exercised By Jonah L. Rosenblum

he times are changing with school sports.

More than a million Americans played high school football in 2013-2014, according to a National Federation of State High School Associations survey. Same with track, while nearly a million played basketball and nearly 800,000 played soccer. The 7.8 million total participants is nearly double what it was in 1971-1972, including a 11-fold rise in

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female sports participants. Even businesses have gotten into the act. In 2012, First Federal Lakewood paid $320,000 to change Lakewood Stadium to First Federal Lakewood Stadium. With school sports rapidly becoming a bigger deal, preparing for them has also taken on an increased role. Meredith Griffin, sport performance coach

at Hathaway Brown in Shaker Heights, says that particularly for fall sports, many coaches expect athletes or would-be athletes to work out during the summer. Which isn’t a bad idea. “The great thing is if they’re doing it properly, it can actually help them reduce their risk of injury in a sport because it helps prepare them for a sport,”

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balanced body Griffin says. “A big thing is to show up, if you are going to play a sport, to show up in shape because the coaches are always going to come out and want to push hard, and that’s when most injuries (occur).” Of course, droves of inexperienced pre-teen and teenage athletes descending on gyms across America carries inherent dangers. Ed King, owner of Kings Gym in Bedford Heights, says he can’t count the number of times athletes or other pre-teens and teenagers have shown up with the wrong technique or doing the wrong exercises. Griffin says she’s particularly concerned with knee injuries sustained when exercises like squats are done incorrectly. “Knees are so delicate,” Griffin says. “I know it’s a very specific thing, but it’s just something I see over and over and over again.” Both pointed to pre-teens and teens taking various exercise ideas from the Internet, even if those ideas might not be meant for someone their age. “They’re not just mini-adults,” Griffin says. “They’re at greater risk for injuries.” Indeed, most pre-teens and teenagers are still growing. They might not know what to look for when working out, including telltale signs of injury, due to inexperience. “To be successful at doing it, you really have to understand that these young adults, their bodies haven’t stopped growing yet,” King says. “It’s very important to do exercises and find

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the training techniques that allow them to get better physically and maximize their genetic potential but don’t injure them in any way.” Both recommend finding a trainer. Families, of course, may not want to spend on a trainer long-term, but even a few sessions can help build a foundation and help a child learn how to do a number of targeted exercises properly. King says that at his gym, pre-teens and teenagers might spend a month or two with a trainer, learning what exercises to do and what exercises not to do, as well as proper technique. After that, they may go off more on their own, with occasional supervision and check-ins from a trainer. Griffin and King also recommend keeping exercises light. King says he generally tries to avoid compressiontype exercises. “When we train these younger guys, we do no compression-type exercises, nothing that smashes them like squats, heavy leg presses and things like that, nothing on their back, nothing that’s going to cause any type of compression on their skeleton,” King says. Instead, his clients build a foundation – he compared it to building a skyscraper from the bottom up – on low-weight, highrepetition exercises, as well as calisthenics and body weight movements like push-ups. “We use different training techniques to accomplish the goal without any of the heavy compression and heavy weights because you don’t need that,” King says.

“To be successful at doing it, you really have to understand that these young adults, their bodies haven’t stopped growing yet. It’s very important to do exercises and find the training techniques that allow them to get better physically and maximize their genetic potential but don’t injure them in any way.” Ed King King’s Gym Griffin also recommends body weight movements like push-ups – noting that with those exercises and items like jump ropes and resistance bands, pre-teens and teenagers can even save money by simply working out at home. “If you’re going to do weight training, or what we refer to as resistance training, it doesn’t mean you have to use barbells, dumbbells and machines,” Griffin says. “A lot of that can be your own body weight. It can be resistance bands, which are more appropriate sometimes for the younger adults.” With resistance training, she notes that pre-teens and teens need to take days off – both to recover and to allow their bodies to get stronger. She also stresses the importance of cardiovascular work, whether it’s on the bike, in the pool or a simple run. BF

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balanced mind

The art of taking compliments Receiving a compliment isn’t always easy, but not doing so risks sabotaging friendships – and your own needs By Jonah L. Rosenblum

or whatever reason, accepting a compliment can be as awkward as a “Seinfeld” skit. Take the following exchange from the hit TV show between George Costanza and Elaine Benes’ father, Alton, an accomplished author: George: I just wanted to tell you that I really enjoyed “Fair Game.” I thought it was just brilliant. Alton: Drivel. George: Maybe some parts. Alton: What parts? George: The drivel parts. Oh my gosh, I just realized. I have to make a phone call. I can’t believe. Would you. (Gets up and leaves.) The conversation illustrates the quagmire many people find themselves in with compliments. Shrugging off or refusing a compliment can make a situation extremely

awkward for both parties – even if deep down, the person actually was flattered by the compliment and just didn’t know how to respond. Of course, not all compliments require a deep and emotional response. For example, when someone says “nice shot” during a basketball game, you can probably get away with a no-look “thanks.” On the other hand, when someone approaches with a very sincere and heartfelt compliment, something like, “You’ve always just been such an amazing friend to me and I don’t know how to thank you,” a nonchalant “thanks” or “it’s nothing” likely will not suffice. In fact, it can almost turn insulting. When someone says they love an outfit or really appreciate how someone treated them, and the other person waves it off, it can make the complimenting person feel silly. “That shirt is really fantastic.”

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“Oh please, it cost $10.” Now, the complimenting person feels silly for saying something. Apparently, his or her taste isn’t so great. “Your support meant so much to me.” “It’s nothing, I’d do it for anyone.” Suddenly, that person, so grateful for support and thinking this friendship had reached a special place, is brought down to earth in humiliating style. “Never mind.” Alan Federman, a psychotherapist based in Cleveland Heights, compares it to giving someone a gift at a birthday party – only to have the gift tossed aside. Compliments and tangible gifts are really very similar. Someone has put thought into something they want to give someone. The difference is people seem to respond to tangible gifts quite well, with a smile, making the gift-giver feel rewarded. The

compliment-giver? Not so much. “I look at it as a potential source for connection and satisfaction that gets lost,” Federman says. Oftentimes, a recipient of a compliment might respond airily with “this old thing” or “it was nothing” or “no, you look beautiful.” “If affects the person who’s giving,” Federman says. “They don’t feel like their gift was received, so I think there are consequences – more than we realize.” Meanwhile, the potential recipient lost a chance to feel appreciated – ironic given how much people thirst for appreciation – for his or her achievements. “This is one of the ways in which we sabotage our own needs,” Federman says. Out-complimenting, the “you’re beautiful too” kind of response, can come across as phony. Not only is the person not really listening to

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BALANCED MIND or acknowledging the first compliment; he or she is tacking on a compliment that doesn’t sound all that genuine. “You’ve got two empty compliments,” Federman says. “You’ve got two compliments that didn’t work.” On the other hand, if a person wants to fully absorb a compliment, acknowledge it and then move on to a return compliment, it could work out very well. Indeed, time in general is a good approach. People are often tempted to come up with a quick retort. Instead, try pausing for a second, soak it in, say a genuine “thank you,” and then you can move on. In other words, feel it, then speak it. Federman suggests a technique called cognitive bypass. Instead of thinking about the compliment, he imagines “breathing the compliment into your heart,” allowing one to actually “feel the effect of what that person is trying to give you.” “Then if you respond out of that heart level, then you’ve gotten all that you can get out of it,” Federman says. “You have

not only received it and the person knows you’ve received it, but you’ll be able to respond to that person on the level of sincerity that it was given.” So what happens after this warm, gooey moment? Well, you can continue on the topic. You can discuss how you got that way, how you stumbled upon that “beautiful” scarf. Or you can move on. Again, let’s turn to “Seinfeld” for an example of a successful compliment, this time with Jerry complimenting a local restaurant owner. Note how Babu’s heartfelt reply makes Jerry feel very good. Jerry: Oh, the turkey it’ll be. And may I say you have a splendid establishment here, my friend. I’m sure you’ll flourish at this location for many, many years. Babu: You’re a very kind man. Very kind, thank you, very kind ... Jerry (thinks): Very kind. I am a kind man. Who else would do something like this? Nobody. Nobody thinks about people like I do. BF

“(Brushing off a compliment) affects the person who’s giving. They don’t feel like their gift was received, so I think there are consequences – more than we realize.” Alan Federman Psychotherapist

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balanced mind

Catastrophic conclusions

Predicting negative outcomes and related disasters, collectively referred to as ‘catastrophizing,’ can result in a harmful psychological cycle By Jonah L. Rosenblum

n the seemingly endless list of psychological maladies that can take over one’s life, catastrophizing can be a particularly confusing one. After all, catastrophizing – defined by the blog “Out of the FOG” as “the habit of automatically assuming a ‘worst-case scenario’ and inappropriately characterizing minor or moderate problems or issues as catastrophic events” – is to some extent worrying, and it’s not always clear where one ends and the other begins. Many people, for example, struggle with flying, fearing a plane crash. To some extent, that’s catastrophizing, given that a crash is statistically unlikely. Then again, it’s a common worry, with some backing, given media reports of gory plane crashes. Tammy Dickard, of Counseling Equals Growth, LLC, in Concord Township, notes that whether it’s catastrophizing or worrying, either way, it’s unpleasant. “They both can negatively

affect your life,” Dickard says. “Both worrying and catastrophizing, there’s no doubt, but the way I would differentiate between the two is how extreme the fear is or how irrational the fear is.” Catastrophizing resembles a snowball rolling down a hill. A small event – a child’s cough or a failed exam – seems like a doomsday summons. Related concepts, like obsessive-compulsive disorder, overgeneralization, paranoia, personalization and rumination/overthinking, are delicately intertwined at its core. “It’s blowing anything out of proportion,” Dickard says. “It’s like that snowball and it’s growing bigger and bigger. It will take one incident and turn it into 10 more things that are each more horrible as it goes down.”

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For example, a person notices that his or her spouse frowned when he or she talked. A negative emotional chain begins to string together until that person is convinced that his or her marriage is doomed and divorce is imminent. “It becomes a very scary world,” Dickard says. “People become more and more restricted in their life because they just don’t believe that anything is going to work out for them.” Psych Central founder and CEO Dr. John M. Grohol put the consequences nicely on his website: “Falling prey to catastrophizing is like striking out in your mind before you even get to the plate.” This restricted life can affect one’s loved ones, too, as they find there is very little they can do with the catastrophizing person. Relationships, in particular, may crumble and fall in the wake of catastrophizing.

“I would imagine it would affect their relationship very much unless they could get a handle on it,” Dickard says. “The one partner that catastrophizes would want to live a very small life as far as not going out as much, not socializing or not putting oneself in any situations where any perceived risk would be, and the one that doesn’t catastrophize would either get bored or frustrated with that.” The snowball metaphor helps explain the difficulty of stopping catastrophizing. It can be tempting to think that people can simply will these problems away. Why can’t the person afraid of flying just say, “Planes rarely crash, I need to trust the pilot”? Why can’t a person terrified after making a mistake at work simply reassure oneself with, “I made a small mistake, my overall performance is fine. I’ll be fine”? “That fearful part of them loses the ability to

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Did you know? “It becomes a very scary world. People become more and more restricted in their life because they just don’t believe that anything is going to work out for them.” Tammy Dickard Counseling Equals Growth

think objectively about these things, so you really have to almost pull in another side and get them to look at it in a different way,” Dickard says. “It takes some talking to get people to realize that it’s irrational.” Medication is one potential solution. Simply recognizing the unpleasant thought is another. One can also try to tease out the problem. If it’s a real, rational problem, perhaps the person can come up with a solution. Otherwise, it might be time to drop it. Dickard will sometimes ask patients a very simple question: Is this thought helpful? “With catastrophizing, people often are so stuck in that loop that they can’t take action or they don’t know what action to take,” Dickard says. Dr. Alice Boyes writes on Psychology Today’s website that people can try to distinguish in their head between a potentially

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unpleasant outcome and a catastrophic outcome – for example, failing a test would be distressing but it would not put an end to one’s hopes of getting into college. Dickard also says she might try to figure out where the fears are coming from. Keeping a log to track when certain fears come up can be a powerful tool. So, too, is distraction. “Instead of fight against the thought because you’re never going to win, I would rather have them come up with 10 thoughts that are pleasant to distract with than fight against the one that’s negative,” Dickard says. One also needs to learn to forgive oneself. Like an overprotective parent, the impulses of a catastrophizing soul may well be positive. It may come from an earnest desire to protect oneself and keep oneself safe. That good intention can be applauded even as the condition and its conclusions are overcome. BF

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A Health Maintenance Superhero’s Success Story by Sherry Gavanditti

Participating in a campus-wide walk, Jay joins Mary Larry to cross the finish line.

Jay walks regularly at Acacia Metroparks

At 59, Highland Heights resident and anesthesiologist Jay Weller is not ready to retire, but he can’t work right now. He truly misses his practice. He’s been unable to work since his back surgeries and a hip replacement; each a short time apart about a year and a half ago. Jay admits that the healing process can slow one down, and says one must listen to his or her body. “Too fast, and you can hurt yourself. Too slow, and you won’t make the gains you should,” he says. In lieu of work, he heals and strengthens his mind and body. He received physical therapy at the Peter B. Lewis Aquatic & Therapy Center (the Center), and rehabilitation at Menorah Park. He is now a health maintenance client at the Center. “I’ve been going to physical therapy for the last year and half. I did the prescribed exercises, used the pool regularly. My endurance, flexibility and strength have improved quite a bit,” he says. “I feel like I can take better care of myself than I did prior to my surgery. Getting in shape with physical conditioning has helped me get through it. It does a tremendous amount of good. I am more confident now because of the rehab and therapy.” Jay continues to work diligently to improve his physical health, and has virtually “raced across America” recently, coming in first place! The Center holds an annual “Race Across America” contest so clients enjoy friendly competition and personal satisfaction while achieving milestones on the exercise equipment, swimming, jogging and exercise classes. Each mile they “travel” gets them from one destination to another; a virtual trip across America. He was two months ahead of the contest deadline. “No one works harder than Jay. He has really committed himself to a healthy and fit lifestyle despite having multiple major surgeries,” says Andrew Eaton, Physical Therapist, DPT, OCS. Jay stays busy. “I go to the Center just like I’m going to work. I swim, water-jog, play water-volleyball, get into the hot tub, stretch, work with weights, ride the exercise bike, and take the quarter-mile walking path from the Center to Stone Gardens a few times.” As if that is not enough, Jay is a member of the Wednesday Walking Club with other Center clients at Cleveland Metropark’s beautiful Acacia Reservation nearby. He says of the Menorah Park rehab department and the Center, “I wish I had come before I had surgery. It would have changed my life. The whole team effort, the expertise and the professionalism have helped me get better. I tell others about my experience absolutely all the time. There is no better place to rehab and maintain yourself after surgery.” “I’ve only gotten as far as I have because of the Center. It’s not all self-motivation. I enjoy coming every day; this is now my job. That’s why I get there so early. I look forward to it,” Jay says. It is also the love for his wife, Leslie, and sons, Daniel and Brian, that provides a “superhuman motivation,” he says. For more information on rehab therapy or health maintenance call 216-595-7345 or visit www. lewisaquaticcenter.org

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FALL 2015 | BALANCEDFAMILY | 45

REGINA BRETT

STAYING

BALANCED

Leafing through the seasons

With autumn upon us, Northeast Ohioans can ‘let go’ and take advantage of all the pleasures the season offers

he Talmud says, “Every blade of grass has its Angel that bends over it and whispers, “Grow! Grow!” I think every leaf has an Angel that bends over it and shouts, “Let go! Let go!”

Autumn is our annual reminder to let go. To loosen our grip on life and trust the way it changes. It’s amazing what those leaves can teach when you pause to listen to them. They inspired poet Robert Frost to paint a picture of those two roads that diverged in a yellow wood. Ever since, we’ve been pondering the difference the one less traveled can make. In “What Can I Say?” poet Mary Oliver urges us to take our busy heart to the forest for a familiar sound: “The song you heard singing in the leaf when you were a child is singing still.” Read “The Fall of Freddie the Leaf” by Leo Buscaglia and you understand why one of the author’s most popular quotes is, “Every moment spent in unhappiness is a moment of happiness lost.” Freddie the leaf doesn’t want to drop. He asks his leaf friend Daniel, “Why were we here at all if we only have to fall and die?” Daniel, who possesses the

wisdom of a rabbi, answers, “It’s been about the sun and the moon. It’s been about happy times together. It’s been about the shade and the old people and the children. It’s been about colors in Fall. It’s been about seasons. Isn’t that enough?” It’s enough if you take time to enjoy the seasons of life. Don’t squander a smidge of fall complaining about summer’s end when there’s so much to savor about fall: Enjoy the chill in the night air that makes it feel so crisp. The stars seem brighter, the sky wider, the moon wiser. Take a hike through the North Chagrin Reservation, Rocky River Reservation or Cuyahoga Valley National Park. Wander around the trails at the Nature Center at Shaker Lakes. Remember to “take only pictures and leave only footprints.” Listen to the trees sigh. The leaves are whispering goodbye before they skitter across the ground. Chase them as they run in circles like kids at recess.

46 | BALANCEDFAMILY | FALL 2015

Go leaf crunching. A simple walk around the block turns delicious when you step on every crooked, twisted, gnarly dead leaf to hear it crunch. Wander around Lake View Cemetery. Check out the view of downtown Cleveland from the Garfield monument, visit the Wade Memorial Chapel to see the Tiffany glass, find the grave of Eliot Ness. Hit the road. Go for a country drive. Listen to the wind turn cornfields into wind chimes. Stop at a roadside stand for the last tomatoes of summer and the first apples of fall. Visit a pumpkin patch. Run through a corn maze. Take a hayride. Make a pot of soup, stew or chili. Get cozy around the fireplace. Collect leaves. Jump in a pile. Fill old clothes and make a scarecrow. Follow a gaggle of geese until they launch, then enjoy the honking and laughter above.

Carve pumpkins. Bake a pie. Try a new apple crisp recipe with old friends. Press leaves between sheets of wax paper. Hang them in the window like stained glass. Enjoy some October baseball. (You never know, the Tribe could surprise us. We can dream, can’t we?) Pick some apples. Sip some cider. Crack open a bag of candy corn. Make a caramel apple disappear. Savor every sunset, storm and shadow before the sun sets on fall for good. Autumn is so precious yet so brief; it’s easy to miss the magic if you dwell on winter approaching. Those leaves we complain about aren’t just for raking. They have a message for us all: Let go. Stop clinging to what you have. Stop clinging to what you know. Stop clinging to life as it is. Relax, release and enjoy the ride.

Regina Brett, a Pulitzer Prize finalist and the New York Times bestselling author of “God Never Blinks: 50 Lessons for Life’s Little Detours” and “Be the Miracle: 50 Lessons for Making the Impossible Possible,” is a columnist for the Cleveland Jewish News and Plain Dealer. She recently published her third book, “God is Always Hiring: 50 Lessons for Finding Fulfilling Work.” Connect with her on Facebook at ReginaBrettFans and on Twitter at @ReginaBrett.

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