The Cleveland Jewish News
Mitzvah Bar•Bat
BARBATMAGAZINE.COM
Coming of age Sacred and spiritual, b’nai mitzvah mark meaningful circle-of-life moments for Northeast Ohio families
SPRING 2018
The Cleveland Jewish News
Mitzvah Bar•Bat
BARBATMAGAZINE.COM
Coming of age Sacred and spiritual, b’nai mitzvah mark meaningful circle-of-life moments for Northeast Ohio families
SSPRING PRING 2018
The Cleveland Jewish News
Mitzvah Bar•Bat
BARBATMAGAZINE.COM
Coming of age Sacred and spiritual, b’nai mitzvah mark meaningful circle-of-life moments for Northeast Ohio families
SSPRING PRING 2018
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Bar•Bat
Mitzvah
Spring 2018
CONTENTS
8
The Cleveland Jewish News
Mitzvah Bar•Bat
BARBATMAGAZINE.COM
16
SPRING 2018
Coming of age Sacred and spiritual, b’nai mitzvah mark meaningful circle-of-life moments for Northeast Ohio families
On the cover: Max Page applies tefillin on his birthday, March 12, at Solon Chabad in Solon. His formal bar mitzvah celebration was held later in the week on March 17. Photo courtesy of Gena Page Photography.
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Center of attention
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Ask A Pro
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Special settings
Editor Michael C. Butz speculates which Cleveland professional athletes might make the best “Bar Mitzvah Man” for Northeast Ohio
Planning tips from Northeast Ohio professionals about catering, stationery, floral, entertainment, photography and synagogues
Northeast Ohio is home to many exciting party-hosting locations, including some high-profile places that may not immediately spring to mind for a simcha
8
Looking Back
34
Party preparation
Northeast Ohioans recall their bar or bat mitzvah – and the preparation that led up to the big day
Getting an early start and keeping track of the details are important to keep in mind when planning a party
44
Gift-giving guidance
From gifts for those who have everything to inexpensive-yet-unique selections, options abound
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B’nai mitzvah bonds
38
Fun for everyone
Local temples and synagogues build strong connections between young congregants and other members by pairing them for bar and bat mitzvah studies
Incorporating a unique activity can add an engaging element to your celebration that will benefit all involved
46
Managing mitzvah money
Local experts suggest saving most of it and spending a little
4 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
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Mitzvah Bar•Bat
President & CEO Kevin S. Adelstein Vice President of Sales Adam Mandell
iven that Cleveland is Cavaliers country, it’s unlikely that a story about New York Knicks reserve center Kyle O’Quinn reported late last year caught the attention of many in Northeast Ohio. The story, it could be said, was about his improved play this season — though not on the basketball court. Instead, O’Quinn’s noteworthy performances have taken place at entertainment centers as, shall we say, the Big Apple’s b’nai mitzvah MVP. The 6-foot-10, 250-pound Queens native is one of the bigger comedians in the Knicks’ locker room – a quality that undoubtedly helps him headline parties for 13-year-olds, as reported by ESPN in December. O’Quinn spends much of his time at the celebrations socializing, dancing, joking with families and taking selfies with attendees. “The parties are crazy. I did one, did two, and the next thing you know, I was just Bar Mitzvah Man,” he told ESPN. “A lot of times, I go and I stay longer than I’m supposed to because it’s so much fun.” I can’t help but wonder who among Cleveland’s professional athletes would make a good “Bar Mitzvah Man.” Perhaps Cavs small forward Cedi Osman, whose on-court hustle often provides the Wine and Gold a spark – just as it might also provide a spark for a party full of teenagers. Or maybe Indians All-Star shortstop Francisco Lindor, whose love of the game and zest for life are plain to see – and likely make him the life of most any party.
There’s always all-pro offensive lineman Joe Thomas, who’s considered an all-around good guy by the Browns who’ve played alongside him – and whose weekends are presumably free for the foreseeable future thanks to his recent retirement. In the event none of those athletes attend your child’s bar or bat mitzvah, fear not. In this issue of Bar•Bat Mitzvah, we have plenty to help you plan your celebration, from suggestions for engaging activities and interesting locations for your party to advice from local experts about planning, photography, entertainment, catering and more. We also visit with the Neumann family of Olmsted Falls to learn how a b’nai mitzvah tutoring program that started 24 years ago at Beth Israel-The West Temple continues to positively impact temple members, and for that same story, we ask local rabbis how similar programs are working for their congregations. So, regardless of whether an NBA center attends your child’s party, there’s plenty in this issue to help ensure his or her studies take center stage and to help your child feel like the center of attention.
Editor Michael C. Butz mbutz@cjn.org Designer Lillian Messner CJN Managing Editor Bob Jacob Controller Tracy DiDomenico Digital Marketing Manager Rebecca Fellenbaum Events Manager Gina Lloyd Editorial Ed Carroll Amanda Koehn Becky Raspe Alyssa Schmitt Custom Publishing Manager Paul Bram Sales & Marketing Manager Andy Isaacs Advertising Marcia Bakst Marilyn Evans Ron Greenbaum Adam Jacob Nell V. Kirman Sherry Tilson Design Manager Stephen Valentine Design Jessica Simon Digital Content Producer Abbie Murphy Business & Circulation Diane Adams Tammie Crawford Abby Royer Yoda Newton Editorial Intern Jacob Cramer Subscriber Services 216-342-5185/circulation@cjn.org Display Advertising 216-342-5191 adsales@cjn.org
VOL. 142 NO. 15
Speaking of athletes joining the party, revisit Jewish Federation of Cleveland President Stephen H. Hoffman’s 1963 bar mitzvah, which involved a visit from NBA hall-of-famer Wilt Chamberlain, by checking out the Looking Back section of barbatmagazine.com.
6 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS (ISSN-00098825) is published weekly with additional issues in January, March, May, June, August, October, November and December by The Cleveland Jewish Publication Company at 23880 Commerce Park, Suite 1, Cleveland, OH 44122-5380. Single copy $1.25. Periodicals Postage paid at Cleveland, OH., and additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER and additional mailing offices. Send address changes to the Cleveland Jewish News, 23880 Commerce Park, Suite 1, Cleveland, barbatmagazine.com OH 44122-5380
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Left photo © New Image Photography Right photo © Dennis Crider Photography
LOOKING BACK
Well-known Northeast Ohioans remember their bar or bat mitzvah
Edward H. Kraus
Edward H. Kraus Edward H. Kraus, center, poses with friends at the party following his bar mitzvah, which took place in Congregation Beth Am’s party room.
EDWARD H. KRAUS Mayor, City of Solon Edward H. Kraus with his father, Bill, at his bar mitzvah in November 1973.
By Amanda Koehn
W
hen Solon Mayor Edward H. Kraus thinks about his bar mitzvah in November 1973, he remembers the intense preparations that made him “extremely nervous.” He says the evening before, he couldn’t stop thinking about having to chant his haftorah in front of so many people, which led to him rehearsing it over and over in his head.
While nerves are common for any bar or bat mitzvah student, Kraus said the studiousness and intellect of the congregants at his synagogue, the former Congregation Beth Am in Cleveland Heights (which merged with B’nai Jeshurun Congregation in Pepper Pike in
1999), and its late Rabbi Michael Hecht and Cantor Martin Leubitz, added another level of pressure. “Everything with Beth Am, you had to be on your A-game at all times,” says Kraus, who was 13 at the time and lived in University Heights. “There was a lot of pres-
8 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
sure to do it perfect, or else they would correct you while you were up there – like if you missed a vowel or a pronunciation.” However, the hours of rehearsal were worth it. Kraus completed the service without missteps – in front of many congregants on Shabbat – and made his family proud. “I wanted to make sure I was proud of myself, but also that my parents were proud of me,” he says. “I had all my grandparents there, who were from Europe and were all devoutly religious. It was really important to them that I really put in the effort.” While Kraus says the festivities that followed in the synagogue’s party room were fun and even a little “wild” for the kids, the focus was his parents. He only invited a few friends because his parents had invited so many of their own, and he remembers his mother wore a beautiful gown and had planned everything. “I remember my parents kind of said, ‘Hey you can have your own party, but the night of the bar mitzvah will be more for adults,”’ he says. “I remember they told me that and I said ‘fine.’” Kraus, in his brown bowtie and fitted brown suit, simply enjoyed
the fleeting night, which revolved around listening to his parents, sisters and grandfather give speeches. The real celebration for him came later that week, when he and two friends who had been bar mitzvahed around the same time held a hayride party on a farm for their friends. While he says going through the bar mitzvah process didn’t have a drastic impact on his Jewish life, years later when he went to Israel on a high school group trip, those connections came around. “Probably the single greatest factor that changed my life was that trip,” he says. “It made me realize the importance of Israel, of our faith, and when I got married, I wanted my kids to go to Israel and experience the same.” While Kraus was proud to see his children – Rachel, Hannah and Jacob – train for their b’nai mitzvah decades after his own experience, he says, “I was thrilled that they were doing it instead of me.” “It definitely brought back memories. All three of them worked really hard, and all three of them took it really seriously,” he says. “I was proud of that, that they really wanted to do the best they could.” BM
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Jill Helfman
Jill Helfman Helfman, at top right, joins friends for a 1950s-style bat mitzvah party in 1975.
JILL HELFMAN Co-partner-in-charge, Cleveland office of Taft Stettinius & Hollister LLP Jill Helfman, at left, with her sister Amie and brother Bruce at her bat mitzvah.
By Amanda Koehn
W
hen Jill Helfman reflects on her Feb. 28, 1975 bat mitzvah, a few separate events come to mind. First, there was the actual service on a Friday evening at Beth El Congregation in Akron, followed by her family-oriented bat mitzvah party the next day, and a brunch that Sunday. Then, in June of that year, Helfman and her Jewish female peers jointly celebrated their coming of age at their own 1950s-themed party that reflected the interests of their social circle better than the parties their parents threw them. For the party, the girls wrote invitations on records, hand-delivering them to each guest, and boys and girls wore outfits to fit the theme. That party was a welcome event after the preparation and learning involved in the religious ceremony. Helfman, however, was well prepared thanks to her synagogue’s ritual director, Rev. Phillip Salzman. “He was there on the bimah with us to make sure we did well,” says Helfman, who’s now
co-partner-in-charge at the Cleveland office of Taft Stettinius & Hollister LLP. “I don’t remember being all that nervous of that because I was so prepared.” The 13-year-old Helfman wore a white robe for the service, and just about all the other Jewish
seventh graders she knew, from the three Akron-area schools and synagogues, attended. “Back then, we weren’t over scheduled with weekend sports and other extracurricular events, so that’s how we spent our Friday nights and Saturday mornings,” she says, adding, however, that only her closest friends attended her family party the next day since they had planned the separate ‘50s-themed celebration. For the family-oriented party in her family’s backyard, the girls and women wore long dresses. They had a catered dinner, a tent, a band, dancing and, of course, Helfman received a gift – a calculator that four members of her mother’s mahjong group went in on. As calculators were novel at the time, Helfman says it was quite expensive and she wasn’t allowed to take it out of the home.
Jill Helfman
Helfman Helfman is joined by her father, David Friedman, at her bat mitzvah Jill brunch.
10 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
After her bat mitzvah and the series of events that followed, Helfman says she remained active in Jewish life through United Synagogue Youth, the Conservative youth movement. Also, later in life, once Helfman met her future husband, Brad Helfman, they found that they both had their b’nai mitzvah at synagogues called Beth El. (Her husband’s synagogue was in Buffalo, N.Y., where he grew up.) “We used to say that he belonged to the franchise,” she says. Having seen her three children, Jared, Lindsey and Justin, go through the b’nai mitzvah process, Helfman says she sees a clear distinction between the parent-organized parties following the service when she was 13, and the kid-oriented bashes that occur today. Today’s parties resemble her ‘50s party more than anything. “What I remember being so different about the celebration part is the parties are so much larger now and include such a great number of children in addition to family and friends,” says Helfman, who now belongs to Park Synagogue in Cleveland Heights and Pepper Pike. “And the parties tend to cater to the kids as opposed to the more sophisticated (parties) I think we had when we were younger.” BM
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Andy Baskin
ANDY BASKIN Mid-day host, WKRK-FM 92.3 The Fan
Andy Baskin Baskin is joined by his parents, Shirley and Allan.
Andy Baskin on the day of his bar mitzvah in 1980.
By Amanda Koehn
T
o say Andy Baskin’s bar mitzvah made him nervous is a gross understatement. After getting kicked out of Hebrew school at Heights Jewish Center Synagogue in Cleveland Heights for being a “horrible” student, it fell on his older brother, Bruce, to prepare him in their Cleveland Heights home for a day of which he was “scared to death.” “We would go in the basement and we would scream at each other about how bad I was at Hebrew,” Baskin says. Some of Baskin’s trouble came from the fact that he didn’t belong to a synagogue at the time. His bar mitzvah ceremony ended up being held at an Orthodox synagogue – thus having some of the most rigid training – because his family was friends with the rabbi. “I was kind of a Reform kid that was thrown in an Orthodox world,” Baskin says. Luckily, Bruce was 9 years older than the 13-year-old Andy and had taught at the Hebrew school at the former Congregation Brith Emeth, which was in Pepper Pike and was later acquired by Park Synagogue. On Nov. 29, 1980, the younger Baskin finally had his moment of truth at the bimah.
“I’ve never been more scared to talk to a group of people than when I was 13-years-old standing on that bimah,” he says. Ultimately the service “turned out OK, once I got moving,” he recalls, and he managed not to be too bothered by the better Torah-educated boys sitting in the front correcting him during it. Afterward, Baskin had a luncheon with his family at Landerhaven. Although he wanted a big party like his older brother had years before, his family was so nervous the younger Baskin wouldn’t make it through the training, that they decided to keep it small. Bruce died 13 years ago, and to this day, Baskin credits his bar mitzvah to him. He always looked up to Bruce and cites that he wanted to wear the same baseball number as he did in high school.
12 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
Andy Baskin Bruce Baskin, at left, embraces his younger brother at his bar mitzvah. “He was my big brother and if I wouldn’t have done it, I think he would have just kicked my butt,” he says of the bar mitzvah. Now, Baskin’s two children, Brynn, 12, and Blake, 10, are being raised in an interfaith home (Jewish and Methodist). His daughter has connected to Methodist teachings, like his wife, Cassy, while it remains to be seen whether his son will go through the bar mitzvah process. Baskin wants him to have a choice. Baskin says he’s jealous of the learning environments at Hebrew schools today. However, his struggle that day inadvertently prepared him for his career in sports media.
“I’ve done commencement speeches and I’ve talked in front of hundreds of thousands of people in what I do, and I’ve never been more nervous than I was for my bar mitzvah,” he says. “The one thing about bar mitzvahs that no one thinks about is, I don’t know of many cultures that throw a 13-yearold out there and say, ‘OK, speak in front of a mass.’ And I think it helps you become a public speaker.” Baskin says in the long run, the experience taught him about what it means to work for something you want. “I wasn’t prepared, and it taught me to be prepared,” he says. BM
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Clifford Norton
Clifford Norton Axner with her grandparents, Harold and Esther Katzel, who influenced her to become more observant, in September 1978.
MINDI AXNER Executive director, National Council of Jewish Women/Cleveland Mindi Axner, center, with her brother Craig, mother Tobie Kogan, father Alan Kogan and sister Dana at her bat mitzvah in September 1978.
By Amanda Koehn
F
or Mindi Axner, her bat mitzvah was not an obligatory event that was built up her entire life, as it is for some Jewish children, but something she chose to do of her own volition. She says although her family attended a Reform synagogue,
the now-closed Brith Emeth Congregation in Pepper Pike, she was inspired by her maternal grandparents, who were Modern Orthodox. “I remember wanting my grandfather to sit up on the bimah with me,” she says of the day. Thus, on Sept. 8, 1978, after much preparation, the day finally came for the young Axner, who was 12 at the time. She remembers going through the service, where her only mistake was flipping two words around in
Elizabeth Glorioso Axner, at left, with her twins, Emily and Sam, and husband Michael Axner at the children’s b’nai mitzvah in August 2015. 14 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
a prayer. She just kept going though, she says. “Still, all these years later, whenever I’m in synagogue and we come to the prayer and I read it, I’m still conscious that that was the one mistake I had made,” she says, adding that she now attends Park Synagogue in Cleveland Heights and Pepper Pike. Axner also remembers how much she loved her rabbi, the late Rabbi Philip Horowitz, and how it was exciting to read from the Torah for the first time. Her bat mitzvah party, which was small by today’s standards, took place in her backyard the following Sunday, when friends and family danced to live music. Moreover, Axner was the first grandchild of her beloved grandparents, Esther and Harold Katzel, to have a bat or bar mitzvah. Axner’s younger brother was bar mitzvahed afterward, and her younger sister was later bat mitzvahed at her own daughter’s naming ceremony about 18 years ago. “I think they were very proud to see me up there,” she says of her grandparents. Moreover, that special day was just the beginning of a life of endeavors in Judaism and the local Jewish community for Axner. “My bat mitzvah was the start of my Jewish journey,” she says.
“After that, I attended a year of @akiva during high school and started keeping kosher in our house, which evolved over the years to keeping kosher out of the house, too.” Her close relationship with her grandparents also inspired her to focus more on Jewish holiday observance and to further develop her interest in learning, she adds. The local Jewish community continued to draw in Axner. She says after living away from Cleveland for several years, she returned to work at Montefiore and Jewish Family Service Association. Then, after a gap in working in the Jewish nonprofit world, she missed it so much she eventually become executive director of National Council of Jewish Women/Cleveland. Axner’s twins, Emily and Sam, had their b’nai mitzvah about two and a half years ago at Park Synagogue, which allowed her to relive aspects of her own. She says since her children attended Gross Schechter Day School in Pepper Pike, they had a more sophisticated religious understanding at the young age and were actually able to chant from the Torah, rather than read – which made her proud. “It was much easier for them than it was for me,” she says. BM
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Michael C. Butz
Pete Copelan
B’NAI MITZVAH BONDS Rachel Neumann, left, and Robin Shapiro, both members at Beth Israel – The West Temple, share a couch with notepad and laptop in hand – as they often did when Shapiro tutored Rachel in the months leading up to her bat mitzvah.
Local temples and synagogues build strong connections between young congregants and other members by pairing them for bar and bat mitzvah studies By Alyssa Schmitt
B
eth Israel – The West Temple found itself in a bind nearly 24 years ago. It was in the process of a two-year search for a rabbi, which meant it didn’t have one for that duration. Like at many temples, the rabbi handled b’nai mitzvah preparations, and many young congregants were closing in on the age at which tutoring should begin. Rabbi Enid C. Lader, then the educational director, was tasked with reimagining the b’nai mitzvah process. What resulted was a mentorship program that bridged older congregants with those about to begin their b’nai mitzvah tutoring – a bridge still in use today, long after a rabbi was found, and well after Lader
was named rabbi in 2012 at the temple in Cleveland’s Kamm’s Corners neighborhood. Other area temples and synagogues – including Park Synagogue in Cleveland Heights and Pepper Pike and Temple Israel Ner Tamid in Mayfield Heights – have also adopted creative ways to connect their congregations.
16 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
Whether born of necessity or simply seen as a way to enrich and enliven the b’nai mitzvah process, they’ve all resulted in stronger bonds within the Jewish community.
REIMAGINING TRADITION Back then, Lader was studying in the Cleveland Fellow Program,
which has since been absorbed into the Siegal Lifelong Learning program at Case Western Reserve University. One of her courses focused on Torah at the dining room table, a method that sought to bring family together over a shared connection. “I had thought about that. I read about a mentor program in
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Eisenberg
Michael C. Butz The b’nai mitzvah mentoring program at The West Temple was inspired by a course Rabbi Enid C. Lader once took that focused on Torah at the dining room table, which was meant to build connections. Rachel and Shapiro often did that as Shapiro tutored Rachel. a collection of bar/bat mitzvah strategies that was using members of the congregation,” she says. “I thought, ‘Well, we have a number of very learned members of our congregation whose children are grown (and) out of the house. They themselves are of retirement age or post-retirement age, but they still wanted to be connected to the congregation in meaningful ways.’” Lader approached older members of the congregation who gave d’var Torah at some point during the year or taught in the temple’s religious school and asked whether they would be willing to mentor younger members. Some were hesitant, Lader recalls, because they weren’t sure they could connect with young people, but they still said yes to helping the congregation. “They all had connections to Torah, so to speak, and they were
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all thoughtful, intelligent people,” she says. “They also were lovely about wanting to share what they knew or at least give it a try.” Older members couldn’t take on all of a rabbi’s role. Instead, it was broken up into different sections. Sosh Ault, the temple’s Hebrew coordinator, became the temple’s b’nai mitzvah tutor as far as Hebrew was concerned – and is still serving in the same role today. Lader was serving as the cantorial soloist, teaching the young congregants how to lead the service and work with the melodies of the service. Sarah Bedrossian has since taken on being the Torah and haftarah trope tutor.
A FAMILY’S PERSPECTIVE The mentors at Beth Israel have varied from a NASA scientist and a social worker to a high school chemistry
Lader
teacher and an actress. The wide range of mentors pairs well with an equally diverse group of students, making it possible for Lader to pair students and mentors based on similarities and shared interests. That was true for Rachel Neumann, 13, when she began her bat mitzvah tutoring in February 2017, though Lader didn’t make the mentor-student match for Rachel. Rachel is a bibliophile and researcher, and she wanted to learn the Torah in a new light that had not been possible before. Because the Neumann family is active in the congregation, Lader was familiar with Rachel’s qualities, and while mentors on reserve at the temple had been successful with other students, she felt they might not be as effective with Rachel. “When (Lader) spoke with us and started getting Rachel prepared, she’s like, ‘You guys are choosing the mentor, right?’” says Holly Neumann, Rachel’s mom. “I knew the people that would do it for the other kids weren’t the right fit for Rachel.” Holly Neumann turned to her friend, Robin Shapiro, who tutored about 10 students through her 11 years of mentorship. She’s a librarian at Westlake Porter Public Library in Westlake, and at home, she has shelves full of books, many of which Rachel took an interest in. “Every time (Rachel) left her mentoring session with Robin, she would walk away with two more books,” Holly Neumann says. “They would also talk about Jewish authors and books that teens could start to get into that might be about some heavier subjects in Jewish history, like the Holocaust.”
Skoff
Shapiro was raised at Beth Shalom Congregation, a Conservative synagogue in Elkin Park, Pa., where she cultivated her Jewish knowledge and learned how to read Hebrew. In the beginning months, when Shapiro and Rachel met for their tutoring session in Shapiro’s Avon Lake home, Shapiro kept her laptop handy for when Rachel wanted to dive deeper into her Torah section by finding art representation or articles concerning her Torah portion. “Rachel took a very intellectual approach, she has a lot of innate curiosity,” Shapiro says. When they drew nearer to Rachel’s bat mitzvah day, Oct. 14, 2017, Shapiro’s role changed from providing understanding of the Torah section to providing guidance for Rachel’s d’var Torah. The in-person tutoring sessions changed to email conversations, passing back the d’var Torah Rachel had written. The day of her bat mitzvah, Rachel chanted her Torah portion, made possible from her tutoring with Bedrossian, and Shapiro was given the honor of the aliyah, which she says she doesn’t always have the opportunity to do for her students. Since her tutoring sessions, Rachel has felt more knowledgeable when others around her would discuss the Torah. She’s even joined the temple’s weekly Torah study, where she is often the only teenager in attendance. “I got a whole new understanding of the Torah. It wasn’t sugar-coated, I was getting the real bare bones of our existence,” Rachel says. “I was learning how to read Torah, and that just excited me because I’ll be able to read just like everyone else.”
Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 17
Michael C. Butz Pete Copeland From left, Holly, Rachel, Becky and David Neumann at Rachel’s bat mitzvah on Oct. 14, 2017. Holly Neumann’s younger daughter, Becky, is now preparing for her own tutoring with a mentor, but she won’t follow the same path her older sister took. “While we love Rachel’s mentor and she’s my really dear friend, she would not be the right mentor for (Becky), so we’re considering something different” Holly Neumann says. “What’s so beneficial is that we have so many diverse people in the temple that you can find the right match up for your son or daughter that will click with them and enhance their whole experience.”
BENEFITS OF MENTORSHIP Mentors are taking on different forms throughout Greater Cleveland congregations, but the goal is still the same: to help foster a love of Judaism in a young adult. About 15 years ago, a grandmother wanted to tutor her grandchildren during their b’nai mitzvah studies, but the grandchildren’s synagogue didn’t allow tutors outside of its religious school’s faculty. However, the temple the grandmother belonged to, Temple Israel Ner Tamid, did. Her actions, Rabbi
I got a whole new understanding of the Torah. It wasn’t sugar-coated, I was getting the real bare bones of our existence. I was learning how to read Torah, and that just excited me because I’ll be able to read just like everyone else. Rachel Neumann, 13, discussing her Torah studies with Robin Shapiro Matthew Eisenberg says, started a tradition at his temple. “I told them our policy was to encourage the profound Jewish relationship between a grandparent and a grandchild,” he recalls. “Of course grandma can tutor the kids.” Request to have an outside tutor from the temple’s religious school are rare, Eisenberg says. When there is one, he will interview the possible tutor, who must be a member at the temple, to find out whether they’re competent and can properly teach the material. There’s a comfort level in selecting a relative or a family friend, which can encourage new thoughts the student might not have revealed to a religious
18 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
school teacher. But ultimately, Eisenberg says, “it does come down to the amount of work the student puts in.” A mentor can also become a permanent fixture in a young person’s life and help keep them connected to Judaism, an idea used at Park Synagogue by linking high school kids to younger members who are studying for their bar or bat mitzvah. While parents put the care of their children in the hands of the synagogue’s Hebrew school, the connection between a slightly older peer has been beneficial since the synagogue put it into practice about 20 years ago. “The high school kids are involved and become a visible presence along with the profes-
sionals,” Rabbi Joshua Skoff says. “These are peers that are closer to their age than their parents, and these are peers they can relate to socially, but these peers are also saying, ‘Hey, it’s time to study for your bar/bat mitzvah. That’s also a cool thing to do.’ It’s a big thrill for a younger kid to be taught by an older kid.” Skoff explained that the professionals at the synagogue have an easy time connecting with younger members, but it’s the added social bond with peers that can keep younger members connecting with each other and ultimately the synagogue. The added connection to other temple or synagouge members can make the congregations stronger while creating a bond that resonates with each member– something Lader has witnessed firsthand for more than two decades. “It’s like at the holidays, when we have a larger part of the congregation coming to services, people look out and they know each other,” she says. “I know that in many cases, people have remained friends as time has gone on.” BM
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Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 19
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CATERING
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ELIZABETH COUGHLIN
SOCIAL CATERING SALES MANAGER CLEVELAND MUSEUM OF ART | CLEVELAND WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO GET RIGHT? Doing something that is striking and kind of visually exciting is important. A lot of what we’ve seen are things that are more interactive and visually striking when it comes to food and set ups. When it comes down to it, the food is what people are going to remember and talk about. So, do something that is awe-inspiring. It’s not only the visual look, but also the taste. It’s really important to have food that looks like art and is interactive, but also tastes good.
HOW DOES THE FOOD IMPACT THE PARTY? I think food determines the fact if your guests stay for the duration or if they leave early. From the first course to the last, people really determine the ranking of the party based on what they ate and the different culinary offerings. In the market now, food has become kind of like a niche market. The list of food types gets longer every day, so it’s really important to keep up with the current flavor profile.
WHAT IS OFTEN OVERLOOKED? I think the display of the food. A lot of time goes into picking the menu itself and making sure there is an adequate amount of food, but from a design perspective, food often gets overlooked. It’s important for food to look just as good as it tastes.
WHAT TRENDS ARE YOU SEEING? We’re seeing more interactive food. We’re seeing food with movement. We have a woman we call “The Cake Lady,” and she displays food on her clothes and gives it movement. You can also make food part of your event. I’ve done a couple events where people schedule entertainment around their courses. It’s about tying that together – and with each course, you move to a different level of entertainment. Plated dinners also have a heavy hand but formal cocktail receptions are becoming increasingly popular. This gives guests the opportunity to interact with their food but also with other guests.
22 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
Cleveland Museum of Art Lemon cheesecake with blueberries That also really goes along with what is happening in society – you take the grab-and-go concept and elevate it to a party. You’re mixing and matching and mingling – and that goes well with modern parties.
WHEN SHOULD PARENTS START PLANNING? We recommend booking the venue and caterer a year out. As far as the planning goes, this can start about four to six months out. At that point, you can keep up with the trends and seasonality of food. Planning within the six-month window tends to be the best fit.
ON WHAT SHOULD PARENTS FOCUS? At the end of the day, guests may not remember what the centerpieces were or the entertainment, but what will make a lasting impact on guests is the food. Whether it’s good or bad – that is what they remember and tell people about. It’s really important to create memories. (B’nai mitzvah) are events that are designed to create memories between the parent, child and their guests. Good food can help with that. BM
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Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 23
ENTERTAINMENT
Mariana Edelman
CHRIS HATALA
EVENT DIRECTOR | GAMES DONE LEGIT ENTERTAINMENT | CLEVELAND WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO GET RIGHT? The dance party has been a solid party fixture for quite a while. The way events are kind of trending is experiential entertainment. People want to stand out and be unique – they want to entertain themselves and do it through technology. The most important thing is just that – differentiating themselves. Tech is evolving so rapidly and we’re just starting to figure out how they can work in a party setting. That seems to be the No. 1 priority right now.
ON WHAT SHOULD PARENTS FOCUS? We’ve talked to a lot of parents and they said their b’nai mitzvah was very traditional. Basically, within a generation, that’s how fast entertainment has changed. I think because of where we are now, for whatever reason, it’s become less traditional. You want to give a fantastic impression to your guests but at the end of the day, it’s a party and people want to have fun. There are so many awesome new ways for people to have fun and let loose.
WHAT IS OFTEN OVERLOOKED? We, from the ground up, look at how we can build a party.
B’nai mitzvah can be built from a myriad of activities. There are so many options of what you could do, from the décor to lighting. Things are expanding right now in terms of what families want to do at these parties. They are very willing in having the kids have a big say in the parties. But what is most often overlooked is finding that balance in what the kid wants and what the parent is hoping to see. Parents are more willing now to have conversations with their children – they aren’t as hesitant, now, to expand their horizons on what a party can be.
WHAT TRENDS ARE YOU SEEING? Experimental entertainment is huge – and an inspiration from high-end corporate events. That trickles down and makes its way into b’nai mitzvah. It means more creative activities – cool stuff that you can do with a design element. The core idea of taking this really fun activity that is more nontraditional and dressing that up – it fits the scope of a traditional b’nai mitzvah. Tech is going to evolve in the next five years and I think that is also going to alter the entertainment business.
24 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
Games Done Legit Entertainment
Everyone wants their party to be special – you go to about 30 b’nai mitzvah a year, pretty much. Chris Hatala Games Done Legit Entertainment WHEN SHOULD PARENTS START PLANNING? It’s usually about a year out. That’s a good time to start working on it. We put together a bar and bat mitzvah checklist because it’s a huge undertaking and a huge moment in these families’ lives. It’s something they will remember forever. I would also tell families that if they find something cool they want to do close to the date, don’t be afraid to pick up the phone. We want to make the family
happy and you don’t want any regrets.
HOW CAN ENTERTAINMENT SET A PARTY APART? I think it’s a goal for everyone. Everyone wants their party to be special – you go to about 30 b’nai mitzvah a year, pretty much. I definitely understand, and all of the big names in entertainment are conscious of the fact that families want to stand out. BM
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Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 25
Paradise Flower Market
FLORAL AMANDA PARADISE
CO-OWNER | PARADISE FLOWER MARKET | WOODMERE WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO GET RIGHT? I think the biggest thing is to have a theme. There is always a theme. It’s something that is consistent with the theme and really in line with what the child wants. We’ve done some things that have had colored beads or cool things they put in the pieces or characters. It just needs to go with the individual and what they want and then in line with the theme itself.
HOW SHOULD FLOWERS BE UTILIZED AT THE PARTY? We do centerpieces – they are always fairly different. There is always a personal aspect. It corresponds similarly to a wedding. They are inherently different, but of course (the centerpieces) would also correspond with the event.
WHAT CAN FLORALS SAY ABOUT A CHILD? There are different types of styles that we can design around. If someone has a Pinterest board, you can get a taste of what someone wants, whether it be unique, modern or odd. You can really do that monochromatic design or something like an English garden design. Florals can speak to the
child’s personality, and personality comes out based on what ideas you give us. We can then better judge what to show you. You can get a sense of someone’s style from what they show you.
WHAT IS OFTEN OVERLOOKED? I think they should be very aware of what it is they want and come prepared with ideas. They should select a color scheme that they want to stick with and to be aware of the budget beforehand. Often times, we can work with a budget and get the similar look and feel without spending a lot. Depending on the flower and season, costs rapidly change. There is a supply and demand aspect of flowers, but if some flowers aren’t in season, that doesn’t mean we can’t get them. Have a general idea of what your theme is.
WHAT TRENDS ARE YOU SEEING? Rose golds and bronzes are coming back, which follows from jewelry. We’re also seeing more modern designs. They seem to like classic mixed with modern – the pairings are modern but the colors are more classic. In terms of themes or styles, it’s a bit more modern. Not any one color stands out but they want some-
26 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
Paradise Flower Market thing young and unique. There is some parental influence there, but the kids want something fun and funky and their personal touch on it.
commodate you. It comes down to how decisive or indecisive someone is.
WHEN SHOULD PARENTS START PLANNING?
Flowers round out your décor. They are really customary to these types of parties. The tables look bare without them. There is something elegant about flowers at a party and they do a lot more than something like a candle or centerpiece. It shows that extra thought you’ve put into the planning. It gives that extra personal touch. BM
Follow yourself. The flower aspect would be once you’ve already selected the venue and décor. You’d need to know these things first; flowers don’t need to be selected a year in advance like others. Costs do change. Typically, if you give it three to four months in advance, we can ac-
ON WHAT SHOULD PARENTS FOCUS?
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Pollack Studio
JOSEPH POLLACK
PHOTOGRAPHY
OWNER | POLLACK STUDIO | SOUTH EUCLID WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO GET RIGHT? Family. B’nai mitzvah are circle-of-life events. It’s all about the child and the family coming of age. You only get this once in your life. It’s about being considered an adult Jew. The pictures on the dance floor are fun candids, but 20 to 30 years later, you look at the party pictures and you may not remember all 75 to 100 kids that were there. But, you’ll remember your family members. That is what is important. It’s not about what the theme of the b’nai mitzvah is, it’s about that circle-of-life aspect. To me, getting photos with the family members, that is what is important.
ON WHAT ASPECT OF PHOTOGRAPHY SHOULD PARENTS FOCUS? The photography, as far as I’m concerned, should capture the symbolism of the service.
We stage those photographs so that they are symbolic and meaningful and show the family members’ emotions. One of the most beautiful photos, when I’m shooting b’nai mitzvah, is when we stage the grandparents with the child. They’re kvelling. The party photography is more about candid moments of happiness, but those staged moments are priceless.
WHAT IS OFTEN OVERLOOKED? Time is most often overlooked. (Parents) don’t allow enough time. They don’t allow for the family to be involved and be there. You have to allow time for the photographs no matter the event. You’re spending money on the clothes, accessories and items. What shows the entertainment, clothes and food? The photography. In terms of dollars spent, (photography) is usually what (people) spend the least on.
28 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
WHAT TRENDS ARE YOU SEEING? I don’t follow trends. To me, what is important in good event photography is capturing the people, posing them and lighting them in a way that they look their best, bringing out the emotion and excitement of the moment. To me, that is what is trendy. I don’t follow current trends – I want to photograph in a way a story is told. There are trends in terms of the way albums are made, but I won’t say that I’m going to take a photograph based on a trend. To me, classical elegance is something I try to do. It’s something as important today as it will be 20 years from now.
WHEN SHOULD PARENTS START PLANNING? I suggest parents shop and hire their photographer as soon as they get the date from the synagogue. As far as planning
the details, whether it’s for photography or something else, you don’t need to plan the details until you’re closer to the date. You should start by calling your photographer and see if they are even available at that time. You book your services as soon as you can. As far as planning out the details, go over those a week before. That way, it’s fresh in their mind and it’s also fresh in the photographer’s mind.
WHY IS PHOTOGRAPHY A CRITICAL ASPECT OF THE CELEBRATION? It’s all families have left afterwards. You get what you pay for, too. After everything is said and done, photographs are what is left. You want it to be representative of the emotions everyone was feeling that day – and making photography a priority can ensure that. BM
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Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 29
Amy Finkenthal
STATIONERY
AMY FINKENTHAL
CO-OWNER | NOTERIETY AT THE HAMPTONS | BEACHWOOD WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO GET RIGHT? Certainly, the meaning behind it. You need to make sure the child understands not just the theme of the party but the meaning of it as well – and then putting that warmth into the invitation wording. It’s not just about the party ambiance but the event itself. It’s one of the first things people see when they hear about the event, so it needs to convey the importance of everything.
WHAT DOES THE INVITATION SAY ABOUT THE BAR OR BAT MITZVAH? With the child, it speaks on where they are in life and their hobbies/ interests. The invitation should of course say the where, what and when kind of thing. It invites the family and friends to be at the party. To the people that are Jewish, they will all understand. There are different levels of religion – some want more of a religious connotation to it, others look at it as more formal or traditional. It varies.
WHAT IS OFTEN OVERLOOKED? I try to cross track with my clients so nothing is overlooked, but it really depends on the kid. Sometimes, the child may overlook the meaning
behind the event and focus on the party. It’s just the small things that can slip through the cracks.
WHAT TRENDS ARE YOU SEEING? People still like to touch and feel the invitations. There is such a huge variety of invitations out there, so you have a huge selection when it comes to design. Sometimes, customers come in and they think they want one thing, but it’s common for them to go through our books and want something else instead. Sometimes, the kids and parents don’t agree. So, it’s good to look at everyone’s interests and to do it together. Also, kids tend to have their own ideas of what they want and don’t want to hear from their parent about it. They do need a lot of guidance sometimes, and kids want to hear that from a professional.
Amy Finkenthal Amy Finkenthal
Amy Finkenthal
WHEN SHOULD PARENTS START PLANNING? I would say at least six months before. Usually, someone is not here just one time. The process can get a bit overwhelming. You can always narrow it down and then come back later. It’s definitely a process, and it helps to continually check in with us regarding how the invitation is coming along.
30 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
ON WHAT SHOULD PARENTS FOCUS? Invitations are the first thing guests see. It sets the theme for the whole entire weekend. It lets
the guests know if they are doing more formal or not. A good invitation does its job by setting the mood. BM
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Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 31
SYNAGOGUE
Harvey Kreiger
RABBI JOSH BROWN
RABBI | TEMPLE ISRAEL AKRON | AKRON WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO GET RIGHT? The most important thing is the feeling that the child and the family is being embraced by their community in that pivotal moment of the child’s life.
HOW CAN A FAMILY MAKE THE CEREMONY PERSONALIZED? I think that happens with the way each kid puts their personality into it. We help kids put their personality in the service – something they do with the Torah. Sometimes, I work with a kid to bring their special talent to the service or offer a blessing in their own words. Some kids are musically talented, so they sing a prayer in a certain way. I’ve had kids write an introduction to a prayer in their own philosophy. It shows that every service is unique to each kid’s personality and it helps us honor them. You come to the service and you know that child better as they become an adult.
WHAT IS OFTEN OVERLOOKED? I think what is often overlooked is personal power. We underestimate the power of a young adult embracing our traditions in such a serious and usually thoughtful way. They put a ton of work into it and they usually do a terrific job. I think, to honor the dedication they have had at such a young age and at a time they are entering adolescence, they’ve made such a commitment. I think sometimes we don’t humble ourselves enough in the face of all of the work the child has done to prepare. We take it for granted.
WHAT TRENDS ARE YOU SEEING? There is a trend to include more family members. There is an increasing comfort among family members that might not have grown up Jewish or are not Jewish at all. There is a trend of these members participating in some way and them sharing that pride of the kid becoming a bar or bat mitzvah. That helps personalize it,
32 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
(Parents) should start planning, in all honesty, when they have a kid. Rabbi Josh Brown Temple Israel Akron too, because of the diversity within each family. Kids are also feeling more comfortable in speaking out about issues. They are more engaged in politics, and there is a trend of kids wanting to speak about issues like LGBT equality and things like woman’s rights and #MeToo. Kids feel more comfortable jumping into those areas now.
elevated space in our community – to show them how much we cherish them. Setting makes a big difference, and the moment that the whole community celebrates, it reminds our kids that these are the ways we honor and cherish them and help them succeed.
ON WHAT SHOULD PARENTS FOCUS?
They should start planning, in all honesty, when they have a kid. I think the mitzvah is a stopping point along the way, so once they begin their journey, they should start thinking about it. Sometimes, we get too obsessed about scheduling and forget how it’s part of a larger journey. BM
Even though sometimes the celebrations can be an easy focal point for kids and parents alike, I think the ceremony helps build identity and confidence for our kids. When we bless our kids, we want it to be in a space that is the most
WHEN SHOULD PARENTS START PLANNING?
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Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 33
Elegance on Loan
PARTY PREPARATION
Elegance on Loan
Getting an early start and keeping track of the details are important to keep in mind when planning a party By Ed Carroll
A
bar or bat mitzvah is a special moment in the life of a young person, and while the ceremony is certainly the most important part, the party is definitely something the child will both look forward to and remember for years to come.
However, planning a party can be an involved and stressful process since keeping track of and nailing down all of the moving parts and details can be complicated. To help parents navigate the process and provide a less stressful party planning process, two local planners – Yitty Dessler from Elegance on Loan in Cleveland and Ginny Sukenik from Executive Caterers in Mayfield Heights – discussed how families can prepare to ensure everything runs smoothly.
GETTING STARTED The first questions Dessler gets about party planning revolve around what parents need to do to prepare. “First and foremost, you have to reserve your vendors, so that
you’re working with the people you want to work with,” she says. “(Vendors), too, get taken. As far as making the actual decisions, you have time until closer to the event. Obviously, no florist is going to order any flowers a year out, but a venue might get booked up that weekend.” Sukenik agrees that some things need to be planned for almost immediately, but others can be put off until about a year ahead of the big day. “Some things should be booked soon after the bar and bat (mitzvah) dates are given out by the synagogue, such as the venue and caterer, DJ or entertainment company and the photographer,” she says. “This is because these people can only do so many events in one day. Book early and the client will get
34 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
their first choices. Other items, (such as) theme and décor, invitations, etc., can be started a year out.” Both Sukenik and Dessler say that they will sit down with parents and discuss exactly what kind of a party they want to have for their child. For Sukenik, that involves asking how many people are on the guest list, whether the party will be held in the afternoon or the evening and roughly how much money they want to spend on the event. Dessler also sits down with families and discusses their desires. “Some people want a fun party, some people want a meaningful event in the synagogue,” Dessler says. “Obviously, it depends on who the client is and where the (bar or bat mitzvah) is. Doing something at Punch Bowl Social (in) downtown (Cleveland) is different from a bar mitzvah at Green Road (Synagogue) on Shabbat.”
DETAILS TO KNOW Planning any sort of party means keeping track of a lot of different things – the caterer, florist, baker, entertainment – but Sukenik says one of the benefits of having an event at a place like Landerhaven is that no detail is left out of the process. “We will help the family all the way with menu and food choices, while our fabulous design team can help implement the design and décor,” she says. “We are there to help the client make good choices while creating the client’s vision for this life cycle occasion. Your event planner at Landerhaven will know what the client wants to accomplish and take the stress off the clients shoulders so that the family can enjoy themselves.” Dessler says that in her experience, a few aspects of a party can get overlooked. “For bar mitzvahs, it’s the little details, honestly, that make a bar mitzvah special, and it’s
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Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 35
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FUN FOR
EVERYONE
Incorporating a unique activity can add an engaging element to your celebration that will benefit all involved
By Becky Raspe
A
s a parent in the Jewish community, you likely find yourself going to many b’nai mitzvah celebrations. After a while, the parties might grow a bit predictable. But when it comes to your chance to plan a celebration for your own child, unconventional party options are right at your fingertips in Northeast Ohio.
According to G.R. Rodenfels, general manager at Force Sports in Northfield, Eastlake, Westlake, Fairlawn and Dayton; Ryan Beam, owner of Pinot’s Palette in Woodmere; and Rick Morad, owner of Whirlyball in Bedford Heights, a unique activity can help keep all generations engaged at the party. “You want it to not only be a celebratory rite of passage but also a way for you to bond with your friends and family,” Beam says. “It’s a way for you to connect with each other, and everyone is really interested in the experience of things. Millennials would rather have experiences than material possessions – like wanting to travel the world instead of having objects.” Rodenfels agrees. “Look at the trends and what is going on,” he says. “In downtown Cleveland, so many unique places are opening up,
and people are just more open to activity-based social engagements.”
KEEP IT PERSONAL Beam says when planning b’nai mitzvah with an interesting twist, it’s important to consider the child’s interests as well as activities that can keep guests involved. At Pinot’s Palette, attendees have the chance to participate in painting experiences as a group. “We like to create a unique activity that allows you to take something with you and remember the event forever,” Beam says. “As opposed to a one-time memory that you leave at the event, it’s something personal that you created.” Morad said unique activities keep the party experience fresh. At Whirlyball parties, guests of all ages can play together, making for an interesting party dynamic.
38 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
“It’s not the same old thing,” he says. “It’s not dinner and music, it’s more personal participation by people who are there – and that makes the experience more fun. “(Whirlyball) is a very viewable sport as well. There are 80-foot windows in each court and people get glued to it like they’re watching TV. You’re not just sitting with the same people all evening. Everyone is moving around and having fun.” Personalization can come at more informal venues, too. Rodenfels said at Force Sports, children and their guests can explore different sports throughout the event or have their party focus on a singular interest. “What is unique about our locations is that they’re wide-open spaces, so you can transform (your space) and do whatever you want with it,” he says. “There are many venues like that, but
people are shying away from the typical party center. When you go to an activity-based party, it becomes more informal – and people like that better.”
ENGAGING MOMENTS Another benefit to featuring unique activities at b’nai mitzvah parties is that guests will spend more time engaged with each other, creating special memories. “It helps bring families closer together to have these types of joint experiences,” Beam says. “Especially when they revolve around a shared interest. Nurturing that amongst families helps create a stronger bond within them. You’re promoting interests for the children and helping develop everyone’s creative side.” For more physical activities like what Force Sports and Whirlyball offer, Rodenfels says non-traditional parties tend to be more engaging.
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Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 39
Whirlyball “The adults have more fun than the kids sometimes,” he says. “I think it’s more engaging, at the end of the day, because it’s out of the typical mold.” Morad adds, “First and foremost, (Whirlyball) is a lot of fun, which is really important at parties. It’s very playable by everyone, which allows more people to be involved.”
YOUR CHILD’S INPUT When planning a party that revolves around a unique activity, all three professionals stressed the importance of including the
child in the decision-making process since the party is celebrating his or her rite of passage. “Though guidance doesn’t hurt, it’s important to get the kid’s opinions about what they want to see at a party,” Morad says. “It’s their day but you also want to do something parents would enjoy, too.” Rodenfels adds, “It’s definitely the parents’ day as well as the kid’s day. It’s a family party ... but when it comes to the activity, the child should have a say. If the parent selects games and it’s not what the child wants, you want
Force Sports to avoid that and include them in the selection process.”
BE FLEXIBLE, PREPARED As is the case with any party, Beam, Morad and Rodenfels suggest families be prepared and remain flexible when it comes to their unique activities because plans can change on a moment’s notice. “When a family can come in and have a set idea of what they want, they should stick to that plan and idea, though of course there may be changes along the way,” Rodenfels says. “Having a
vision and sticking to it will help you work with every other aspect as you build the party around the unique activity.” Beam says it’s important to remember who is attending the event and to pick an activity that is flexible enough for everyone to have fun. “Whether it be due to physical restraints or otherwise, you want a broad appeal to guests and then also that personal appeal,” he says. “You also want to plan far out in advance. The more complex and unique an event is, the more time you want to prepare for it.” BM
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40 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
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FROM OUR
In the lifetime of a Jewish family there is so much to celebrate. Whether you are a young adult becoming a Bar or Bat Mitzvah, a couple preparing for marriage, a family with small children looking ahead to religious school, or an adult wanting to renew or build a connection to a synagogue community, The Temple provides that special place. Become a part of The Temple family and celebrate with us.
WE WILL HELP
For information, contact Allison Shippy, Director of Member Services at 216.455.1703 or ashippy@ttti.org.
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Jack and Lilyan Mandel Building 26000 Shaker Boulevard, Beachwood 216.831.3233 • www.ttti.org
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Private Event Director: Michael Levick
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Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 41
SPECIAL SETTINGS
Northeast Ohio is home to many exciting party-hosting locations, including some high-profile places that may not immediately spring to mind for a simcha By Ed Carroll
Cleveland Metroparks
C
ommon advice for preparing a bar or bat mitzvah party is similar to advice for buying real estate: Location is everything. And luckily for parents planning these parties, Northeast Ohio is home to a number of venues wellsuited to host a simcha, each with their own unique offerings and charms. Representatives from the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, the Cleveland Metroparks Zoo and Hawken School offer insight into what makes their venues great locations for hosting upcoming celebrations.
PARTY ANIMALS When thinking about fun places to spend a day with family, the Cleveland Metroparks Zoo likely comes to mind – but it might not be top of mind when considering where to host a party. That’s a mistake, says Kelly Manderfield, chief marketing officer at the Cleveland Metroparks, which in 2015 opened Stillwater Place, a dedicated event/rental venue. “Unforgettable events happen at unique locations,” says Manderfield, noting Stillwater Place’s location in the heart of the zoo means it’s surrounded by more than 3,000 animals. “We have a new state-of-the-art ballroom, with a wood dance
floor, a fireplace, great (audio/ visual) capabilities and a balcony with a great view.” Families can also opt for add-on experiences at their parties, like having small animals brought up to interact with the guests, such as a barn owl, chinchilla or snake, or have their guests hand-feed giraffes at Stillwater Place’s giraffe feeding dock, she says. Beyond the zoo, the Cleveland Metroparks also has more than 75 other venues throughout its park district that are available for rental, such as Sleepy Hollow, a golf course in Brecksville, and Merwin’s Wharf, a restaurant on the East Bank of the Flats in downtown Cleveland. Cleveland Metroparks can also work with families to meet entertainment needs for a party, Manderfield says. “We have full-service party planners that will work with you on every detail and really help you plan the event,” she says.
42 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
Cleveland Metroparks
Hawken School barbatmagazine.com
Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
surprised to find out what the Hawken campuses have to offer. “I think most people are just like, ‘Wow, I didn’t realize how great this property was,’”Walter says.
TIME TO ROCK
AFTER-SCHOOL ACTIVITIES Hawken School is another venue that might not be first to come to mind when considering where to host a bar or bat mitzvah, but Gina Walter, director of strategic marketing at Hawken, says the school has three campuses – in Lyndhurst, Bainbridge Township and Cleveland’s University Circle neighborhood – that can be used for hosting events. “Regarding our Lyndhurst and (Bainbridge) campuses, and specifically our (Bainbridge) campus, is they’re just on a beautiful, large-acreage property,” Walter says. “So, there’s a lot of natural elements and outdoor, beautiful scenery that you’re surrounded by at any of those facilities. That certainly makes it very unique, welcoming and inviting.” She says the school’s other venue, located at the Sally and Bob
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Gries Center on Magnolia Drive, puts attendees in the heart of University Circle. “(You’re) connected to all of the surrounding museums and hospitals, and it’s in a beautiful area of Cleveland,” she says. Walter says deciding which of the three campuses to use depends on the type of party being planned. “We have a variety of rooms and settings,” Walter says. “We’ve hosted hundreds of people throughout our main academic building and converted that into a space before and had dinners and tables brought in, and we can host small, intimate groups as well. Our space is good for parties, meetings, all different needs.” She says when people contact her to ask about booking the spaces, they are often
The sales pitch for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum in downtown Cleveland is simple for Mike Detling, manager of sales at the Rock Hall. “It’s the only one in the world and it’s here in their backyard,” Detling says. “They’ve got access to seven floors, 160,000 square feet and over 30,000 artifacts on display.” A party at the Rock Hall goes beyond just having the histories of rock ‘n’ roll’s greatest artists serving as a backdrop. Detling says for private events, the Rock Hall can offer gallery talks for their featured galleries and have docents on site for 20- to 30-minute blocks to give talks on the history of a gallery, answer questions and give behind-the-scenes information guests wouldn’t get from simply visiting the Rock Hall. Despite being a hall of fame for legendary entertainers, Detling says he’s often asked about what the Rock Hall can accommodate for entertainment at parties.
“Obviously, everything depends on budget, but we do a lot of kid-friendly options, like magicians, balloon artists, caricature artists and things like that, to fire breathers on the exterior plaza, stilt walkers inside and outside the building, all the way to a fireworks show behind the building at the end of the night,” he says. The Rock Hall will work with clients to get an idea of what their needs are and determine how to meet those needs. Detling also says the Rock Hall has an in-house caterer and usually encourages clients to use them for their catering needs, but their kitchen is not kosher. If a client requires kosher food, Detling says the Rock Hall is happy to work with them to bring in outside food. And the museum’s unique architecture allows for clients to have separate dining stations for adults and children, if desired. “We’ve got more than enough spaces and levels that we can do a high-end plated dinner for adults in one spot of the museum, maybe with a cocktail hour, and then do a kid-friendly area in the atrium with games and kid-friendly fare, like a macand-cheese bar.” BM
Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 43
Heidi’s This N That displays its Cleveland jewelry, fidget spinners and keychains.
GIFT-GIVING
GUIDANCE
From gifts for those who have everything to inexpensive-yetunique selections, options abound By Jacob Cramer
P
leasing 13-year-olds with perfect gifts for their b’nai mitzvah can be tricky. Finding the right tokens of appreciation for out-of-town attendees can be even more challenging, especially when weighing expenses of the occasion. As such, local shops offer options for when the Jewish milestone rolls around. Heidi Schupp, owner of Heidi’s This N That in Mayfield Heights, says fun and inexpensive gifts are a great route to take when scouring shelves for something that will positively contrib-
ute to b’nai mitzvah memories. “I know when my kids were doing the whole bar mitzvah thing, there were so many that you wouldn’t want to spend a ton of money on everybody,”
Keychains are among the gifts available at Heidi’s This N That. 44 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
says Schupp. “I’m one of those people that doesn’t like to just give people a gift card or cash, so I have little bracelets that are $20, I have really cute keychains, clothes – just something cool and different that you can give someone as a gift because all they get is cash and gift cards.” For a small bar or bat mitzvah gift, Schupp’s store offers luggage tags, luxury soaps, purses and jewelry that she finds and puts in her store if she thinks it’s something inexpensive and unique that she would want for herself. “Most of my stuff is $10 to $20,” she says. “Especially when you’re talking about bar and bat mitzvahs, families can embrace spending less because there’s so many. With my kids, when they were that age, I always had them buy something little for whomever, but you don’t want to go crazy because you’ll go broke.” Rita Sachs, who co-owns Mulholland and Sachs in Woodmere with her daughter, Anne Mulholland Sachs, recommends functional gifts for the event. “The comment I hear more every week of the year is, ‘I want a gift for a person who has everything.’ Find something useable, something that’s not going to go in the closet or the drawer. Think about whether this person might really use this.” Sachs says popular genderneutral options her store carries include pillows, cork circles and acrylic trays that can be placed on a dresser. These gifts can be personalized with an initial or the date of the special day. “You could even do a picture frame with their engraved event, and even though a lot of these kids don’t print pictures, chances are someone in the family is going to print a picture from that day, and they’ll have it on their bureau forever,” says Sachs. “We usually tell people to make the gift personal, so you can do names or initials or something so that it’s a keeper. I think that many years later, it’s always nice to have something and look back and say, ‘Oh, I got that for my bat mitzvah!’”
Top: Mulholland & Sachs sells a necklace with the moon’s cycle based on a special date. Above: This love letter necklace spins with an engraved letter on one side and a crystal initial on the other is one of the jewelry options offered from Mulholland & Sachs. To thank guests who have traveled to celebrate, Sachs suggests finding something simple. “For the guests coming in from out of town, there’s all manner of small, sweet sweets,” she says. “We carry candies from a little company in California called Sugarfina, and you could put that in everybody’s hotel room. There’s always seasonal, small items.” Beyond all else, Schupp encourages finding a gift that will make the teen happy on their big day. “I don’t like to just give a gift,” she says. “I pick stuff that I hope is going to make someone smile and make their day a little brighter, so when I’m giving a gift, I find something just right for the person to make them smile or to brighten their day.” BM
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Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 45
MANAGING MITZVAH MONEY
Sulecki
Local experts suggest saving most of it and spending a little Ullmo
By Amanda Koehn
A
fter the excitement following the big day settles down, many b’nai mitzvah boys and girls and their families get to decide how to use gift money responsibly. Fortunately, local bank representatives – Kevin Sulecki, vice president and branch manager of the Cedar Center Branch of Ohio Savings Bank in South Euclid, and Heathyr Ullmo, senior commercial banking officer and assistant vice president at Geauga Savings Bank – have tips for the best ways to maximize both the benefits of saving and spending.
SPLIT SAVING, SPENDING Sulecki advises parents and children decide together how to portion out bar or bat mitzvah money. He says he typically suggests the child be allowed to spend 10 to 15 percent – or, if it seems meaningful, 18 (chai) percent – and save the rest. To make that deal more appealing, kids can save a portion of the money for something fun they want in the near future, teaching them the value of saving for the biggest reward, he says. “They can maybe spend a little bit of money, they could save a
little bit of money for future things, or they could maybe have a goal of trying to save for something over the next year or six months,” Sulecki says. Ullmo, who’s based at Geauga Savings Bank’s Beachwood branch, suggests portioning out gift money into five equal parts. One part can be spent on something the kid wants, three parts saved and one part spent on a good cause – possibly the same organization where they volunteered for their mitzvah project. “That fifth part is then giving of themselves,” she says. “They will then donate to that organization as well, and it could be an organization they continue to grow with as they get older, but it’s something that means something to them.”
BEST ACCOUNT TYPES Sulecki suggests families consider opening a kid’s account at his bank, which is free and can be started with $1. The child can make deposits and it’s in their name rather than their parents’ name.
46 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
“What’s nice about the kids’ account is it just gives them a sense of pride. When they open an account, they learn how to use money (and) the value of money,” he says. “It gives them an understanding of the ramifications of saving money.” He also suggests families consider investing in the Gift of Israel program. The Jewish Education Center of Cleveland and Ohio Savings Bank partnered, along with the Jewish Federation of Cleveland and local participating religious schools, to provide a savings plan for students with the incentive for families to put money toward an educational experience in Israel. Families put funds into an account (beginning any time between pre-kindergarten and 10th grade) and the Federation and religious schools contribute as well. The Federation will also put in an additional $300 in the account the year the child has a bar or bat mitzvah. Ullmo says parents and kids should discuss what type of account they feel comfortable putting their money in, but says a savings account is a good bet if they want to save for something like a car and need to access the money within a few years. A
Certificate of Deposit or another account type could be a good idea if they want to save the money for longer and grow interest but will not need to access it for a set period of time. “There is no amount that is too small to save,” she says.
FORMING GOOD HABITS Sulecki says since having a bar or bat mitzvah signifies taking responsibility over one’s life and growing up, it’s also a good time to discuss responsibility surrounding money and how to make good decisions. “I think it’s very, very important to have that collaboration between the parents and the child,” he says. Moreover, since both children and parents bear some responsibility over the money until the child turns 18, it’s good for both parties to get on the same page about what it will be used for. Thus, Ullmo says neither should make decisions about it on their own. “I think it is probably a good idea to have a conversation between the two of them,” she says. “It’s not the parents’ money, (it’s) the kid’s money … but the conversation goes back to ‘What do you want to do with it?’” BM
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Bar•Bat
Mitzvah
Spring 2018
CONTENTS
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The Cleveland Jewish News
Mitzvah Bar•Bat
BARBATMAGAZINE.COM
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SSPRING PRING 2018
Coming of age Sacred and spiritual, b’nai mitzvah mark meaningful circle-of-life moments for Northeast Ohio families
On the cover: Max Page applies tefillin on his birthday, March 12, at Solon Chabad in Solon. His formal bar mitzvah celebration was held later in the week on March 17. Photo courtesy of Gena Page Photography.
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Center of attention
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Editor Michael C. Butz speculates which Cleveland professional athletes might make the best “Bar Mitzvah Man” for Northeast Ohio
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Looking Back
B’nai mitzvah bonds Local temples and synagogues build strong connections between young congregants and other members by pairing them for bar and bat mitzvah studies
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Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
Ask A Pro
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Planning tips from Northeast Ohio professionals about catering, stationery, floral, entertainment, photography and synagogues
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Northeast Ohioans recall their bar or bat mitzvah – and the preparation that led up to the big day
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Northeast Ohio is home to many exciting party-hosting locations, including some high-profile places that may not immediately spring to mind for a simcha
Party preparation Getting an early start and keeping track of the details are important to keep in mind when planning a party
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Gift-giving guidance From gifts for those who have everything to inexpensive-yet-unique selections, options abound
Fun for everyone Incorporating a unique activity can add an engaging element to your celebration that will benefit all involved
Special settings
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Managing mitzvah money Local experts suggest saving most of it and spending a little
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Mitzvah Bar•Bat
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iven that Cleveland is Cavaliers country, it’s unlikely that a story about New York Knicks reserve center Kyle O’Quinn reported late last year caught the attention of many in Northeast Ohio. The story, it could be said, was about his improved play this season — though not on the basketball court. Instead, O’Quinn’s noteworthy performances have taken place at entertainment centers as, shall we say, the Big Apple’s b’nai mitzvah MVP. The 6-foot-10, 250-pound Queens native is one of the bigger comedians in the Knicks’ locker room – a quality that undoubtedly helps him headline parties for 13-year-olds, as reported by ESPN in December. O’Quinn spends much of his time at the celebrations socializing, dancing, joking with families and taking selfies with attendees. “The parties are crazy. I did one, did two, and the next thing you know, I was just Bar Mitzvah Man,” he told ESPN. “A lot of times, I go and I stay longer than I’m supposed to because it’s so much fun.” I can’t help but wonder who among Cleveland’s professional athletes would make a good “Bar Mitzvah Man.” Perhaps Cavs small forward Cedi Osman, whose on-court hustle often provides the Wine and Gold a spark – just as it might also provide a spark for a party full of teenagers. Or maybe Indians All-Star shortstop Francisco Lindor, whose love of the game and zest for life are plain to see – and likely make him the life of most any party.
There’s always all-pro offensive lineman Joe Thomas, who’s considered an all-around good guy by the Browns who’ve played alongside him – and whose weekends are presumably free for the foreseeable future thanks to his recent retirement. In the event none of those athletes attend your child’s bar or bat mitzvah, fear not. In this issue of Bar•Bat Mitzvah, we have plenty to help you plan your celebration, from suggestions for engaging activities and interesting locations for your party to advice from local experts about planning, photography, entertainment, catering and more. We also visit with the Neumann family of Olmsted Falls to learn how a b’nai mitzvah tutoring program that started 24 years ago at Beth Israel-The West Temple continues to positively impact temple members, and for that same story, we ask local rabbis how similar programs are working for their congregations. So, regardless of whether an NBA center attends your child’s party, there’s plenty in this issue to help ensure his or her studies take center stage and to help your child feel like the center of attention.
Editor Michael C. Butz mbutz@cjn.org Designer Lillian Messner CJN Managing Editor Bob Jacob Controller Tracy DiDomenico Digital Marketing Manager Rebecca Fellenbaum Events Manager Gina Lloyd Editorial Ed Carroll Amanda Koehn Becky Raspe Alyssa Schmitt Custom Publishing Manager Paul Bram Sales & Marketing Manager Andy Isaacs Advertising Marcia Bakst Marilyn Evans Ron Greenbaum Adam Jacob Nell V. Kirman Sherry Tilson Design Manager Stephen Valentine Design Jessica Simon Digital Content Producer Abbie Murphy Business & Circulation Diane Adams Tammie Crawford Abby Royer Yoda Newton Editorial Intern Jacob Cramer Subscriber Services 216-342-5185/circulation@cjn.org Display Advertising 216-342-5191 adsales@cjn.org
VOL. 142 NO. 15
Speaking of athletes joining the party, revisit Jewish Federation of Cleveland President Stephen H. Hoffman’s 1963 bar mitzvah, which involved a visit from NBA hall-of-famer Wilt Chamberlain, by checking out the Looking Back section of barbatmagazine.com.
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Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS (ISSN-00098825) is published weekly with additional issues in January, March, May, June, August, October, November and December by The Cleveland Jewish Publication Company at 23880 Commerce Park, Suite 1, Cleveland, OH 44122-5380. Single copy $1.25. Periodicals Postage paid at Cleveland, OH., and additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER and additional mailing offices. Send address changes to the Cleveland Jewish News, 23880 Commerce Park, Suite 1, Cleveland, barbatmagazine.com OH 44122-5380
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Left photo © New Image Photography Right photo © Dennis Crider Photography
LOOKING BACK
Well-known Northeast Ohioans remember their bar or bat mitzvah
Edward H. Kraus
Edward H. Kraus Edward H. Kraus, center, poses with friends at the party following his bar mitzvah, which took place in Congregation Beth Am’s party room.
EDWARD H. KRAUS Mayor, City of Solon Edward H. Kraus with his father, Bill, at his bar mitzvah in November 1973.
By Amanda Koehn
W
hen Solon Mayor Edward H. Kraus thinks about his bar mitzvah in November 1973, he remembers the intense preparations that made him “extremely nervous.” He says the evening before, he couldn’t stop thinking about having to chant his haftorah in front of so many people, which led to him rehearsing it over and over in his head.
While nerves are common for any bar or bat mitzvah student, Kraus said the studiousness and intellect of the congregants at his synagogue, the former Congregation Beth Am in Cleveland Heights (which merged with B’nai Jeshurun Congregation in Pepper Pike in
8
1999), and its late Rabbi Michael Hecht and Cantor Martin Leubitz, added another level of pressure. “Everything with Beth Am, you had to be on your A-game at all times,” says Kraus, who was 13 at the time and lived in University Heights. “There was a lot of pres-
Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
sure to do it perfect, or else they would correct you while you were up there – like if you missed a vowel or a pronunciation.” However, the hours of rehearsal were worth it. Kraus completed the service without missteps – in front of many congregants on Shabbat – and made his family proud. “I wanted to make sure I was proud of myself, but also that my parents were proud of me,” he says. “I had all my grandparents there, who were from Europe and were all devoutly religious. It was really important to them that I really put in the effort.” While Kraus says the festivities that followed in the synagogue’s party room were fun and even a little “wild” for the kids, the focus was his parents. He only invited a few friends because his parents had invited so many of their own, and he remembers his mother wore a beautiful gown and had planned everything. “I remember my parents kind of said, ‘Hey you can have your own party, but the night of the bar mitzvah will be more for adults,”’ he says. “I remember they told me that and I said ‘fine.’” Kraus, in his brown bowtie and fitted brown suit, simply enjoyed
the fleeting night, which revolved around listening to his parents, sisters and grandfather give speeches. The real celebration for him came later that week, when he and two friends who had been bar mitzvahed around the same time held a hayride party on a farm for their friends. While he says going through the bar mitzvah process didn’t have a drastic impact on his Jewish life, years later when he went to Israel on a high school group trip, those connections came around. “Probably the single greatest factor that changed my life was that trip,” he says. “It made me realize the importance of Israel, of our faith, and when I got married, I wanted my kids to go to Israel and experience the same.” While Kraus was proud to see his children – Rachel, Hannah and Jacob – train for their b’nai mitzvah decades after his own experience, he says, “I was thrilled that they were doing it instead of me.” “It definitely brought back memories. All three of them worked really hard, and all three of them took it really seriously,” he says. “I was proud of that, that they really wanted to do the best they could.” BM
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Jill Helfman
Jill Helfman Helfman, at top right, joins friends for a 1950s-style bat mitzvah party in 1975.
JILL HELFMAN Co-partner-in-charge, Cleveland office of Taft Stettinius & Hollister LLP Jill Helfman, at left, with her sister Amie and brother Bruce at her bat mitzvah.
By Amanda Koehn
W
hen Jill Helfman reflects on her Feb. 28, 1975 bat mitzvah, a few separate events come to mind. First, there was the actual service on a Friday evening at Beth El Congregation in Akron, followed by her family-oriented bat mitzvah party the next day, and a brunch that Sunday. Then, in June of that year, Helfman and her Jewish female peers jointly celebrated their coming of age at their own 1950s-themed party that reflected the interests of their social circle better than the parties their parents threw them. For the party, the girls wrote invitations on records, hand-delivering them to each guest, and boys and girls wore outfits to fit the theme. That party was a welcome event after the preparation and learning involved in the religious ceremony. Helfman, however, was well prepared thanks to her synagogue’s ritual director, Rev. Phillip Salzman. “He was there on the bimah with us to make sure we did well,” says Helfman, who’s now
co-partner-in-charge at the Cleveland office of Taft Stettinius & Hollister LLP. “I don’t remember being all that nervous of that because I was so prepared.” The 13-year-old Helfman wore a white robe for the service, and just about all the other Jewish
seventh graders she knew, from the three Akron-area schools and synagogues, attended. “Back then, we weren’t over scheduled with weekend sports and other extracurricular events, so that’s how we spent our Friday nights and Saturday mornings,” she says, adding, however, that only her closest friends attended her family party the next day since they had planned the separate ‘50s-themed celebration. For the family-oriented party in her family’s backyard, the girls and women wore long dresses. They had a catered dinner, a tent, a band, dancing and, of course, Helfman received a gift – a calculator that four members of her mother’s mahjong group went in on. As calculators were novel at the time, Helfman says it was quite expensive and she wasn’t allowed to take it out of the home.
Jill Helfman
Helfman Helfman is joined by her father, David Friedman, at her bat mitzvah Jill brunch.
10 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
After her bat mitzvah and the series of events that followed, Helfman says she remained active in Jewish life through United Synagogue Youth, the Conservative youth movement. Also, later in life, once Helfman met her future husband, Brad Helfman, they found that they both had their b’nai mitzvah at synagogues called Beth El. (Her husband’s synagogue was in Buffalo, N.Y., where he grew up.) “We used to say that he belonged to the franchise,” she says. Having seen her three children, Jared, Lindsey and Justin, go through the b’nai mitzvah process, Helfman says she sees a clear distinction between the parent-organized parties following the service when she was 13, and the kid-oriented bashes that occur today. Today’s parties resemble her ‘50s party more than anything. “What I remember being so different about the celebration part is the parties are so much larger now and include such a great number of children in addition to family and friends,” says Helfman, who now belongs to Park Synagogue in Cleveland Heights and Pepper Pike. “And the parties tend to cater to the kids as opposed to the more sophisticated (parties) I think we had when we were younger.” BM
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Andy Baskin
ANDY BASKIN Mid-day host, WKRK-FM 92.3 The Fan
Andy Baskin Baskin is joined by his parents, Shirley and Allan.
Andy Baskin on the day of his bar mitzvah in 1980.
By Amanda Koehn
T
o say Andy Baskin’s bar mitzvah made him nervous is a gross understatement. After getting kicked out of Hebrew school at Heights Jewish Center Synagogue in Cleveland Heights for being a “horrible” student, it fell on his older brother, Bruce, to prepare him in their Cleveland Heights home for a day of which he was “scared to death.” “We would go in the basement and we would scream at each other about how bad I was at Hebrew,” Baskin says. Some of Baskin’s trouble came from the fact that he didn’t belong to a synagogue at the time. His bar mitzvah ceremony ended up being held at an Orthodox synagogue – thus having some of the most rigid training – because his family was friends with the rabbi. “I was kind of a Reform kid that was thrown in an Orthodox world,” Baskin says. Luckily, Bruce was 9 years older than the 13-year-old Andy and had taught at the Hebrew school at the former Congregation Brith Emeth, which was in Pepper Pike and was later acquired by Park Synagogue. On Nov. 29, 1980, the younger Baskin finally had his moment of truth at the bimah.
“I’ve never been more scared to talk to a group of people than when I was 13-years-old standing on that bimah,” he says. Ultimately the service “turned out OK, once I got moving,” he recalls, and he managed not to be too bothered by the better Torah-educated boys sitting in the front correcting him during it. Afterward, Baskin had a luncheon with his family at Landerhaven. Although he wanted a big party like his older brother had years before, his family was so nervous the younger Baskin wouldn’t make it through the training, that they decided to keep it small. Bruce died 13 years ago, and to this day, Baskin credits his bar mitzvah to him. He always looked up to Bruce and cites that he wanted to wear the same baseball number as he did in high school.
12 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
Andy Baskin Bruce Baskin, at left, embraces his younger brother at his bar mitzvah. “He was my big brother and if I wouldn’t have done it, I think he would have just kicked my butt,” he says of the bar mitzvah. Now, Baskin’s two children, Brynn, 12, and Blake, 10, are being raised in an interfaith home (Jewish and Methodist). His daughter has connected to Methodist teachings, like his wife, Cassy, while it remains to be seen whether his son will go through the bar mitzvah process. Baskin wants him to have a choice. Baskin says he’s jealous of the learning environments at Hebrew schools today. However, his struggle that day inadvertently prepared him for his career in sports media.
“I’ve done commencement speeches and I’ve talked in front of hundreds of thousands of people in what I do, and I’ve never been more nervous than I was for my bar mitzvah,” he says. “The one thing about bar mitzvahs that no one thinks about is, I don’t know of many cultures that throw a 13-yearold out there and say, ‘OK, speak in front of a mass.’ And I think it helps you become a public speaker.” Baskin says in the long run, the experience taught him about what it means to work for something you want. “I wasn’t prepared, and it taught me to be prepared,” he says. BM
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Clifford Norton
Clifford Norton Axner with her grandparents, Harold and Esther Katzel, who influenced her to become more observant, in September 1978.
MINDI AXNER Executive director, National Council of Jewish Women/Cleveland Mindi Axner, center, with her brother Craig, mother Tobie Kogan, father Alan Kogan and sister Dana at her bat mitzvah in September 1978.
By Amanda Koehn
F
or Mindi Axner, her bat mitzvah was not an obligatory event that was built up her entire life, as it is for some Jewish children, but something she chose to do of her own volition. She says although her family attended a Reform synagogue,
the now-closed Brith Emeth Congregation in Pepper Pike, she was inspired by her maternal grandparents, who were Modern Orthodox. “I remember wanting my grandfather to sit up on the bimah with me,” she says of the day. Thus, on Sept. 8, 1978, after much preparation, the day finally came for the young Axner, who was 12 at the time. She remembers going through the service, where her only mistake was flipping two words around in
Elizabeth Glorioso Axner, at left, with her twins, Emily and Sam, and husband Michael Axner at the children’s b’nai mitzvah in August 2015. 14 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
a prayer. She just kept going though, she says. “Still, all these years later, whenever I’m in synagogue and we come to the prayer and I read it, I’m still conscious that that was the one mistake I had made,” she says, adding that she now attends Park Synagogue in Cleveland Heights and Pepper Pike. Axner also remembers how much she loved her rabbi, the late Rabbi Philip Horowitz, and how it was exciting to read from the Torah for the first time. Her bat mitzvah party, which was small by today’s standards, took place in her backyard the following Sunday, when friends and family danced to live music. Moreover, Axner was the first grandchild of her beloved grandparents, Esther and Harold Katzel, to have a bat or bar mitzvah. Axner’s younger brother was bar mitzvahed afterward, and her younger sister was later bat mitzvahed at her own daughter’s naming ceremony about 18 years ago. “I think they were very proud to see me up there,” she says of her grandparents. Moreover, that special day was just the beginning of a life of endeavors in Judaism and the local Jewish community for Axner. “My bat mitzvah was the start of my Jewish journey,” she says.
“After that, I attended a year of @akiva during high school and started keeping kosher in our house, which evolved over the years to keeping kosher out of the house, too.” Her close relationship with her grandparents also inspired her to focus more on Jewish holiday observance and to further develop her interest in learning, she adds. The local Jewish community continued to draw in Axner. She says after living away from Cleveland for several years, she returned to work at Montefiore and Jewish Family Service Association. Then, after a gap in working in the Jewish nonprofit world, she missed it so much she eventually become executive director of National Council of Jewish Women/Cleveland. Axner’s twins, Emily and Sam, had their b’nai mitzvah about two and a half years ago at Park Synagogue, which allowed her to relive aspects of her own. She says since her children attended Gross Schechter Day School in Pepper Pike, they had a more sophisticated religious understanding at the young age and were actually able to chant from the Torah, rather than read – which made her proud. “It was much easier for them than it was for me,” she says. BM
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B’NAI MITZVAH BONDS Rachel Neumann, left, and Robin Shapiro, both members at Beth Israel – The West Temple, share a couch with notepad and laptop in hand – as they often did when Shapiro tutored Rachel in the months leading up to her bat mitzvah.
Local temples and synagogues build strong connections between young congregants and other members by pairing them for bar and bat mitzvah studies By Alyssa Schmitt
B
eth Israel – The West Temple found itself in a bind nearly 24 years ago. It was in the process of a two-year search for a rabbi, which meant it didn’t have one for that duration. Like at many temples, the rabbi handled b’nai mitzvah preparations, and many young congregants were closing in on the age at which tutoring should begin. Rabbi Enid C. Lader, then the educational director, was tasked with reimagining the b’nai mitzvah process. What resulted was a mentorship program that bridged older congregants with those about to begin their b’nai mitzvah tutoring – a bridge still in use today, long after a rabbi was found, and well after Lader
was named rabbi in 2012 at the temple in Cleveland’s Kamm’s Corners neighborhood. Other area temples and synagogues – including Park Synagogue in Cleveland Heights and Pepper Pike and Temple Israel Ner Tamid in Mayfield Heights – have also adopted creative ways to connect their congregations.
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Whether born of necessity or simply seen as a way to enrich and enliven the b’nai mitzvah process, they’ve all resulted in stronger bonds within the Jewish community.
REIMAGINING TRADITION Back then, Lader was studying in the Cleveland Fellow Program,
which has since been absorbed into the Siegal Lifelong Learning program at Case Western Reserve University. One of her courses focused on Torah at the dining room table, a method that sought to bring family together over a shared connection. “I had thought about that. I read about a mentor program in
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Eisenberg
Michael C. Butz The b’nai mitzvah mentoring program at The West Temple was inspired by a course Rabbi Enid C. Lader once took that focused on Torah at the dining room table, which was meant to build connections. Rachel and Shapiro often did that as Shapiro tutored Rachel. a collection of bar/bat mitzvah strategies that was using members of the congregation,” she says. “I thought, ‘Well, we have a number of very learned members of our congregation whose children are grown (and) out of the house. They themselves are of retirement age or post-retirement age, but they still wanted to be connected to the congregation in meaningful ways.’” Lader approached older members of the congregation who gave d’var Torah at some point during the year or taught in the temple’s religious school and asked whether they would be willing to mentor younger members. Some were hesitant, Lader recalls, because they weren’t sure they could connect with young people, but they still said yes to helping the congregation. “They all had connections to Torah, so to speak, and they were
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all thoughtful, intelligent people,” she says. “They also were lovely about wanting to share what they knew or at least give it a try.” Older members couldn’t take on all of a rabbi’s role. Instead, it was broken up into different sections. Sosh Ault, the temple’s Hebrew coordinator, became the temple’s b’nai mitzvah tutor as far as Hebrew was concerned – and is still serving in the same role today. Lader was serving as the cantorial soloist, teaching the young congregants how to lead the service and work with the melodies of the service. Sarah Bedrossian has since taken on being the Torah and haftarah trope tutor.
A FAMILY’S PERSPECTIVE The mentors at Beth Israel have varied from a NASA scientist and a social worker to a high school chemistry
Lader
teacher and an actress. The wide range of mentors pairs well with an equally diverse group of students, making it possible for Lader to pair students and mentors based on similarities and shared interests. That was true for Rachel Neumann, 13, when she began her bat mitzvah tutoring in February 2017, though Lader didn’t make the mentor-student match for Rachel. Rachel is a bibliophile and researcher, and she wanted to learn the Torah in a new light that had not been possible before. Because the Neumann family is active in the congregation, Lader was familiar with Rachel’s qualities, and while mentors on reserve at the temple had been successful with other students, she felt they might not be as effective with Rachel. “When (Lader) spoke with us and started getting Rachel prepared, she’s like, ‘You guys are choosing the mentor, right?’” says Holly Neumann, Rachel’s mom. “I knew the people that would do it for the other kids weren’t the right fit for Rachel.” Holly Neumann turned to her friend, Robin Shapiro, who tutored about 10 students through her 11 years of mentorship. She’s a librarian at Westlake Porter Public Library in Westlake, and at home, she has shelves full of books, many of which Rachel took an interest in. “Every time (Rachel) left her mentoring session with Robin, she would walk away with two more books,” Holly Neumann says. “They would also talk about Jewish authors and books that teens could start to get into that might be about some heavier subjects in Jewish history, like the Holocaust.”
Skoff
Shapiro was raised at Beth Shalom Congregation, a Conservative synagogue in Elkin Park, Pa., where she cultivated her Jewish knowledge and learned how to read Hebrew. In the beginning months, when Shapiro and Rachel met for their tutoring session in Shapiro’s Avon Lake home, Shapiro kept her laptop handy for when Rachel wanted to dive deeper into her Torah section by finding art representation or articles concerning her Torah portion. “Rachel took a very intellectual approach, she has a lot of innate curiosity,” Shapiro says. When they drew nearer to Rachel’s bat mitzvah day, Oct. 14, 2017, Shapiro’s role changed from providing understanding of the Torah section to providing guidance for Rachel’s d’var Torah. The in-person tutoring sessions changed to email conversations, passing back the d’var Torah Rachel had written. The day of her bat mitzvah, Rachel chanted her Torah portion, made possible from her tutoring with Bedrossian, and Shapiro was given the honor of the aliyah, which she says she doesn’t always have the opportunity to do for her students. Since her tutoring sessions, Rachel has felt more knowledgeable when others around her would discuss the Torah. She’s even joined the temple’s weekly Torah study, where she is often the only teenager in attendance. “I got a whole new understanding of the Torah. It wasn’t sugar-coated, I was getting the real bare bones of our existence,” Rachel says. “I was learning how to read Torah, and that just excited me because I’ll be able to read just like everyone else.”
Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 17
Michael C. Butz Pete Copeland From left, Holly, Rachel, Becky and David Neumann at Rachel’s bat mitzvah on Oct. 14, 2017. Holly Neumann’s younger daughter, Becky, is now preparing for her own tutoring with a mentor, but she won’t follow the same path her older sister took. “While we love Rachel’s mentor and she’s my really dear friend, she would not be the right mentor for (Becky), so we’re considering something different” Holly Neumann says. “What’s so beneficial is that we have so many diverse people in the temple that you can find the right match up for your son or daughter that will click with them and enhance their whole experience.”
BENEFITS OF MENTORSHIP Mentors are taking on different forms throughout Greater Cleveland congregations, but the goal is still the same: to help foster a love of Judaism in a young adult. About 15 years ago, a grandmother wanted to tutor her grandchildren during their b’nai mitzvah studies, but the grandchildren’s synagogue didn’t allow tutors outside of its religious school’s faculty. However, the temple the grandmother belonged to, Temple Israel Ner Tamid, did. Her actions, Rabbi
I got a whole new understanding of the Torah. It wasn’t sugar-coated, I was getting the real bare bones of our existence. I was learning how to read Torah, and that just excited me because I’ll be able to read just like everyone else. Rachel Neumann, 13, discussing her Torah studies with Robin Shapiro Matthew Eisenberg says, started a tradition at his temple. “I told them our policy was to encourage the profound Jewish relationship between a grandparent and a grandchild,” he recalls. “Of course grandma can tutor the kids.” Request to have an outside tutor from the temple’s religious school are rare, Eisenberg says. When there is one, he will interview the possible tutor, who must be a member at the temple, to find out whether they’re competent and can properly teach the material. There’s a comfort level in selecting a relative or a family friend, which can encourage new thoughts the student might not have revealed to a religious
18 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
school teacher. But ultimately, Eisenberg says, “it does come down to the amount of work the student puts in.” A mentor can also become a permanent fixture in a young person’s life and help keep them connected to Judaism, an idea used at Park Synagogue by linking high school kids to younger members who are studying for their bar or bat mitzvah. While parents put the care of their children in the hands of the synagogue’s Hebrew school, the connection between a slightly older peer has been beneficial since the synagogue put it into practice about 20 years ago. “The high school kids are involved and become a visible presence along with the profes-
sionals,” Rabbi Joshua Skoff says. “These are peers that are closer to their age than their parents, and these are peers they can relate to socially, but these peers are also saying, ‘Hey, it’s time to study for your bar/bat mitzvah. That’s also a cool thing to do.’ It’s a big thrill for a younger kid to be taught by an older kid.” Skoff explained that the professionals at the synagogue have an easy time connecting with younger members, but it’s the added social bond with peers that can keep younger members connecting with each other and ultimately the synagogue. The added connection to other temple or synagouge members can make the congregations stronger while creating a bond that resonates with each member– something Lader has witnessed firsthand for more than two decades. “It’s like at the holidays, when we have a larger part of the congregation coming to services, people look out and they know each other,” she says. “I know that in many cases, people have remained friends as time has gone on.” BM
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CATERING
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ELIZABETH COUGHLIN
SOCIAL CATERING SALES MANAGER CLEVELAND MUSEUM OF ART | CLEVELAND WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO GET RIGHT? Doing something that is striking and kind of visually exciting is important. A lot of what we’ve seen are things that are more interactive and visually striking when it comes to food and set ups. When it comes down to it, the food is what people are going to remember and talk about. So, do something that is awe-inspiring. It’s not only the visual look, but also the taste. It’s really important to have food that looks like art and is interactive, but also tastes good.
HOW DOES THE FOOD IMPACT THE PARTY? I think food determines the fact if your guests stay for the duration or if they leave early. From the first course to the last, people really determine the ranking of the party based on what they ate and the different culinary offerings. In the market now, food has become kind of like a niche market. The list of food types gets longer every day, so it’s really important to keep up with the current flavor profile.
WHAT IS OFTEN OVERLOOKED? I think the display of the food. A lot of time goes into picking the menu itself and making sure there is an adequate amount of food, but from a design perspective, food often gets overlooked. It’s important for food to look just as good as it tastes.
WHAT TRENDS ARE YOU SEEING? We’re seeing more interactive food. We’re seeing food with movement. We have a woman we call “The Cake Lady,” and she displays food on her clothes and gives it movement. You can also make food part of your event. I’ve done a couple events where people schedule entertainment around their courses. It’s about tying that together – and with each course, you move to a different level of entertainment. Plated dinners also have a heavy hand but formal cocktail receptions are becoming increasingly popular. This gives guests the opportunity to interact with their food but also with other guests.
22 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
Cleveland Museum of Art Lemon cheesecake with blueberries That also really goes along with what is happening in society – you take the grab-and-go concept and elevate it to a party. You’re mixing and matching and mingling – and that goes well with modern parties.
WHEN SHOULD PARENTS START PLANNING? We recommend booking the venue and caterer a year out. As far as the planning goes, this can start about four to six months out. At that point, you can keep up with the trends and seasonality of food. Planning within the six-month window tends to be the best fit.
ON WHAT SHOULD PARENTS FOCUS? At the end of the day, guests may not remember what the centerpieces were or the entertainment, but what will make a lasting impact on guests is the food. Whether it’s good or bad – that is what they remember and tell people about. It’s really important to create memories. (B’nai mitzvah) are events that are designed to create memories between the parent, child and their guests. Good food can help with that. BM
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Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 23
ENTERTAINMENT
Mariana Edelman
CHRIS HATALA
EVENT DIRECTOR | GAMES DONE LEGIT ENTERTAINMENT | CLEVELAND WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO GET RIGHT? The dance party has been a solid party fixture for quite a while. The way events are kind of trending is experiential entertainment. People want to stand out and be unique – they want to entertain themselves and do it through technology. The most important thing is just that – differentiating themselves. Tech is evolving so rapidly and we’re just starting to figure out how they can work in a party setting. That seems to be the No. 1 priority right now.
ON WHAT SHOULD PARENTS FOCUS? We’ve talked to a lot of parents and they said their b’nai mitzvah was very traditional. Basically, within a generation, that’s how fast entertainment has changed. I think because of where we are now, for whatever reason, it’s become less traditional. You want to give a fantastic impression to your guests but at the end of the day, it’s a party and people want to have fun. There are so many awesome new ways for people to have fun and let loose.
WHAT IS OFTEN OVERLOOKED? We, from the ground up, look at how we can build a party.
B’nai mitzvah can be built from a myriad of activities. There are so many options of what you could do, from the décor to lighting. Things are expanding right now in terms of what families want to do at these parties. They are very willing in having the kids have a big say in the parties. But what is most often overlooked is finding that balance in what the kid wants and what the parent is hoping to see. Parents are more willing now to have conversations with their children – they aren’t as hesitant, now, to expand their horizons on what a party can be.
WHAT TRENDS ARE YOU SEEING? Experimental entertainment is huge – and an inspiration from high-end corporate events. That trickles down and makes its way into b’nai mitzvah. It means more creative activities – cool stuff that you can do with a design element. The core idea of taking this really fun activity that is more nontraditional and dressing that up – it fits the scope of a traditional b’nai mitzvah. Tech is going to evolve in the next five years and I think that is also going to alter the entertainment business.
24 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
Games Done Legit Entertainment
Everyone wants their party to be special – you go to about 30 b’nai mitzvah a year, pretty much. Chris Hatala Games Done Legit Entertainment WHEN SHOULD PARENTS START PLANNING? It’s usually about a year out. That’s a good time to start working on it. We put together a bar and bat mitzvah checklist because it’s a huge undertaking and a huge moment in these families’ lives. It’s something they will remember forever. I would also tell families that if they find something cool they want to do close to the date, don’t be afraid to pick up the phone. We want to make the family
happy and you don’t want any regrets.
HOW CAN ENTERTAINMENT SET A PARTY APART? I think it’s a goal for everyone. Everyone wants their party to be special – you go to about 30 b’nai mitzvah a year, pretty much. I definitely understand, and all of the big names in entertainment are conscious of the fact that families want to stand out. BM
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Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 25
Paradise Flower Market
FLORAL AMANDA PARADISE
CO-OWNER | PARADISE FLOWER MARKET | WOODMERE WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO GET RIGHT? I think the biggest thing is to have a theme. There is always a theme. It’s something that is consistent with the theme and really in line with what the child wants. We’ve done some things that have had colored beads or cool things they put in the pieces or characters. It just needs to go with the individual and what they want and then in line with the theme itself.
HOW SHOULD FLOWERS BE UTILIZED AT THE PARTY? We do centerpieces – they are always fairly different. There is always a personal aspect. It corresponds similarly to a wedding. They are inherently different, but of course (the centerpieces) would also correspond with the event.
WHAT CAN FLORALS SAY ABOUT A CHILD? There are different types of styles that we can design around. If someone has a Pinterest board, you can get a taste of what someone wants, whether it be unique, modern or odd. You can really do that monochromatic design or something like an English garden design. Florals can speak to the
child’s personality, and personality comes out based on what ideas you give us. We can then better judge what to show you. You can get a sense of someone’s style from what they show you.
WHAT IS OFTEN OVERLOOKED? I think they should be very aware of what it is they want and come prepared with ideas. They should select a color scheme that they want to stick with and to be aware of the budget beforehand. Often times, we can work with a budget and get the similar look and feel without spending a lot. Depending on the flower and season, costs rapidly change. There is a supply and demand aspect of flowers, but if some flowers aren’t in season, that doesn’t mean we can’t get them. Have a general idea of what your theme is.
WHAT TRENDS ARE YOU SEEING? Rose golds and bronzes are coming back, which follows from jewelry. We’re also seeing more modern designs. They seem to like classic mixed with modern – the pairings are modern but the colors are more classic. In terms of themes or styles, it’s a bit more modern. Not any one color stands out but they want some-
26 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
Paradise Flower Market thing young and unique. There is some parental influence there, but the kids want something fun and funky and their personal touch on it.
commodate you. It comes down to how decisive or indecisive someone is.
WHEN SHOULD PARENTS START PLANNING?
Flowers round out your décor. They are really customary to these types of parties. The tables look bare without them. There is something elegant about flowers at a party and they do a lot more than something like a candle or centerpiece. It shows that extra thought you’ve put into the planning. It gives that extra personal touch. BM
Follow yourself. The flower aspect would be once you’ve already selected the venue and décor. You’d need to know these things first; flowers don’t need to be selected a year in advance like others. Costs do change. Typically, if you give it three to four months in advance, we can ac-
ON WHAT SHOULD PARENTS FOCUS?
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Pollack Studio
JOSEPH POLLACK
PHOTOGRAPHY
OWNER | POLLACK STUDIO | SOUTH EUCLID WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO GET RIGHT? Family. B’nai mitzvah are circle-of-life events. It’s all about the child and the family coming of age. You only get this once in your life. It’s about being considered an adult Jew. The pictures on the dance floor are fun candids, but 20 to 30 years later, you look at the party pictures and you may not remember all 75 to 100 kids that were there. But, you’ll remember your family members. That is what is important. It’s not about what the theme of the b’nai mitzvah is, it’s about that circle-of-life aspect. To me, getting photos with the family members, that is what is important.
ON WHAT ASPECT OF PHOTOGRAPHY SHOULD PARENTS FOCUS? The photography, as far as I’m concerned, should capture the symbolism of the service.
We stage those photographs so that they are symbolic and meaningful and show the family members’ emotions. One of the most beautiful photos, when I’m shooting b’nai mitzvah, is when we stage the grandparents with the child. They’re kvelling. The party photography is more about candid moments of happiness, but those staged moments are priceless.
WHAT IS OFTEN OVERLOOKED? Time is most often overlooked. (Parents) don’t allow enough time. They don’t allow for the family to be involved and be there. You have to allow time for the photographs no matter the event. You’re spending money on the clothes, accessories and items. What shows the entertainment, clothes and food? The photography. In terms of dollars spent, (photography) is usually what (people) spend the least on.
28 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
WHAT TRENDS ARE YOU SEEING? I don’t follow trends. To me, what is important in good event photography is capturing the people, posing them and lighting them in a way that they look their best, bringing out the emotion and excitement of the moment. To me, that is what is trendy. I don’t follow current trends – I want to photograph in a way a story is told. There are trends in terms of the way albums are made, but I won’t say that I’m going to take a photograph based on a trend. To me, classical elegance is something I try to do. It’s something as important today as it will be 20 years from now.
WHEN SHOULD PARENTS START PLANNING? I suggest parents shop and hire their photographer as soon as they get the date from the synagogue. As far as planning
the details, whether it’s for photography or something else, you don’t need to plan the details until you’re closer to the date. You should start by calling your photographer and see if they are even available at that time. You book your services as soon as you can. As far as planning out the details, go over those a week before. That way, it’s fresh in their mind and it’s also fresh in the photographer’s mind.
WHY IS PHOTOGRAPHY A CRITICAL ASPECT OF THE CELEBRATION? It’s all families have left afterwards. You get what you pay for, too. After everything is said and done, photographs are what is left. You want it to be representative of the emotions everyone was feeling that day – and making photography a priority can ensure that. BM
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Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 29
Amy Finkenthal
STATIONERY
AMY FINKENTHAL
CO-OWNER | NOTERIETY AT THE HAMPTONS | BEACHWOOD WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO GET RIGHT? Certainly, the meaning behind it. You need to make sure the child understands not just the theme of the party but the meaning of it as well – and then putting that warmth into the invitation wording. It’s not just about the party ambiance but the event itself. It’s one of the first things people see when they hear about the event, so it needs to convey the importance of everything.
WHAT DOES THE INVITATION SAY ABOUT THE BAR OR BAT MITZVAH? With the child, it speaks on where they are in life and their hobbies/ interests. The invitation should of course say the where, what and when kind of thing. It invites the family and friends to be at the party. To the people that are Jewish, they will all understand. There are different levels of religion – some want more of a religious connotation to it, others look at it as more formal or traditional. It varies.
WHAT IS OFTEN OVERLOOKED? I try to cross track with my clients so nothing is overlooked, but it really depends on the kid. Sometimes, the child may overlook the meaning
behind the event and focus on the party. It’s just the small things that can slip through the cracks.
WHAT TRENDS ARE YOU SEEING? People still like to touch and feel the invitations. There is such a huge variety of invitations out there, so you have a huge selection when it comes to design. Sometimes, customers come in and they think they want one thing, but it’s common for them to go through our books and want something else instead. Sometimes, the kids and parents don’t agree. So, it’s good to look at everyone’s interests and to do it together. Also, kids tend to have their own ideas of what they want and don’t want to hear from their parent about it. They do need a lot of guidance sometimes, and kids want to hear that from a professional.
Amy Finkenthal Amy Finkenthal
Amy Finkenthal
WHEN SHOULD PARENTS START PLANNING? I would say at least six months before. Usually, someone is not here just one time. The process can get a bit overwhelming. You can always narrow it down and then come back later. It’s definitely a process, and it helps to continually check in with us regarding how the invitation is coming along.
30 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
ON WHAT SHOULD PARENTS FOCUS? Invitations are the first thing guests see. It sets the theme for the whole entire weekend. It lets
the guests know if they are doing more formal or not. A good invitation does its job by setting the mood. BM
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Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 31
SYNAGOGUE
Harvey Kreiger
RABBI JOSH BROWN
RABBI | TEMPLE ISRAEL AKRON | AKRON WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO GET RIGHT? The most important thing is the feeling that the child and the family is being embraced by their community in that pivotal moment of the child’s life.
HOW CAN A FAMILY MAKE THE CEREMONY PERSONALIZED? I think that happens with the way each kid puts their personality into it. We help kids put their personality in the service – something they do with the Torah. Sometimes, I work with a kid to bring their special talent to the service or offer a blessing in their own words. Some kids are musically talented, so they sing a prayer in a certain way. I’ve had kids write an introduction to a prayer in their own philosophy. It shows that every service is unique to each kid’s personality and it helps us honor them. You come to the service and you know that child better as they become an adult.
WHAT IS OFTEN OVERLOOKED? I think what is often overlooked is personal power. We underestimate the power of a young adult embracing our traditions in such a serious and usually thoughtful way. They put a ton of work into it and they usually do a terrific job. I think, to honor the dedication they have had at such a young age and at a time they are entering adolescence, they’ve made such a commitment. I think sometimes we don’t humble ourselves enough in the face of all of the work the child has done to prepare. We take it for granted.
WHAT TRENDS ARE YOU SEEING? There is a trend to include more family members. There is an increasing comfort among family members that might not have grown up Jewish or are not Jewish at all. There is a trend of these members participating in some way and them sharing that pride of the kid becoming a bar or bat mitzvah. That helps personalize it,
32 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
(Parents) should start planning, in all honesty, when they have a kid. Rabbi Josh Brown Temple Israel Akron too, because of the diversity within each family. Kids are also feeling more comfortable in speaking out about issues. They are more engaged in politics, and there is a trend of kids wanting to speak about issues like LGBT equality and things like woman’s rights and #MeToo. Kids feel more comfortable jumping into those areas now.
elevated space in our community – to show them how much we cherish them. Setting makes a big difference, and the moment that the whole community celebrates, it reminds our kids that these are the ways we honor and cherish them and help them succeed.
ON WHAT SHOULD PARENTS FOCUS?
They should start planning, in all honesty, when they have a kid. I think the mitzvah is a stopping point along the way, so once they begin their journey, they should start thinking about it. Sometimes, we get too obsessed about scheduling and forget how it’s part of a larger journey. BM
Even though sometimes the celebrations can be an easy focal point for kids and parents alike, I think the ceremony helps build identity and confidence for our kids. When we bless our kids, we want it to be in a space that is the most
WHEN SHOULD PARENTS START PLANNING?
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Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 33
Elegance on Loan
PARTY PREPARATION
Elegance on Loan
Getting an early start and keeping track of the details are important to keep in mind when planning a party By Ed Carroll
A
bar or bat mitzvah is a special moment in the life of a young person, and while the ceremony is certainly the most important part, the party is definitely something the child will both look forward to and remember for years to come.
However, planning a party can be an involved and stressful process since keeping track of and nailing down all of the moving parts and details can be complicated. To help parents navigate the process and provide a less stressful party planning process, two local planners – Yitty Dessler from Elegance on Loan in Cleveland and Ginny Sukenik from Executive Caterers in Mayfield Heights – discussed how families can prepare to ensure everything runs smoothly.
GETTING STARTED The first questions Dessler gets about party planning revolve around what parents need to do to prepare. “First and foremost, you have to reserve your vendors, so that
you’re working with the people you want to work with,” she says. “(Vendors), too, get taken. As far as making the actual decisions, you have time until closer to the event. Obviously, no florist is going to order any flowers a year out, but a venue might get booked up that weekend.” Sukenik agrees that some things need to be planned for almost immediately, but others can be put off until about a year ahead of the big day. “Some things should be booked soon after the bar and bat (mitzvah) dates are given out by the synagogue, such as the venue and caterer, DJ or entertainment company and the photographer,” she says. “This is because these people can only do so many events in one day. Book early and the client will get
34 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
their first choices. Other items, (such as) theme and décor, invitations, etc., can be started a year out.” Both Sukenik and Dessler say that they will sit down with parents and discuss exactly what kind of a party they want to have for their child. For Sukenik, that involves asking how many people are on the guest list, whether the party will be held in the afternoon or the evening and roughly how much money they want to spend on the event. Dessler also sits down with families and discusses their desires. “Some people want a fun party, some people want a meaningful event in the synagogue,” Dessler says. “Obviously, it depends on who the client is and where the (bar or bat mitzvah) is. Doing something at Punch Bowl Social (in) downtown (Cleveland) is different from a bar mitzvah at Green Road (Synagogue) on Shabbat.”
DETAILS TO KNOW Planning any sort of party means keeping track of a lot of different things – the caterer, florist, baker, entertainment – but Sukenik says one of the benefits of having an event at a place like Landerhaven is that no detail is left out of the process. “We will help the family all the way with menu and food choices, while our fabulous design team can help implement the design and décor,” she says. “We are there to help the client make good choices while creating the client’s vision for this life cycle occasion. Your event planner at Landerhaven will know what the client wants to accomplish and take the stress off the clients shoulders so that the family can enjoy themselves.” Dessler says that in her experience, a few aspects of a party can get overlooked. “For bar mitzvahs, it’s the little details, honestly, that make a bar mitzvah special, and it’s
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Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 35
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remembering those little things that I think make the day special,” she says. “Different types of bar mitzvahs have different things that get overlooked, but I’m not sure there’s one universal thing I’ve come across.”
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HIGH-ENERGY • INNOVATIVE • INSPIRED
Pinot’s Palette Woodmere
FUN FOR
EVERYONE
Incorporating a unique activity can add an engaging element to your celebration that will benefit all involved
By Becky Raspe
A
s a parent in the Jewish community, you likely find yourself going to many b’nai mitzvah celebrations. After a while, the parties might grow a bit predictable. But when it comes to your chance to plan a celebration for your own child, unconventional party options are right at your fingertips in Northeast Ohio.
According to G.R. Rodenfels, general manager at Force Sports in Northfield, Eastlake, Westlake, Fairlawn and Dayton; Ryan Beam, owner of Pinot’s Palette in Woodmere; and Rick Morad, owner of Whirlyball in Bedford Heights, a unique activity can help keep all generations engaged at the party. “You want it to not only be a celebratory rite of passage but also a way for you to bond with your friends and family,” Beam says. “It’s a way for you to connect with each other, and everyone is really interested in the experience of things. Millennials would rather have experiences than material possessions – like wanting to travel the world instead of having objects.” Rodenfels agrees. “Look at the trends and what is going on,” he says. “In downtown Cleveland, so many unique places are opening up,
and people are just more open to activity-based social engagements.”
KEEP IT PERSONAL Beam says when planning b’nai mitzvah with an interesting twist, it’s important to consider the child’s interests as well as activities that can keep guests involved. At Pinot’s Palette, attendees have the chance to participate in painting experiences as a group. “We like to create a unique activity that allows you to take something with you and remember the event forever,” Beam says. “As opposed to a one-time memory that you leave at the event, it’s something personal that you created.” Morad said unique activities keep the party experience fresh. At Whirlyball parties, guests of all ages can play together, making for an interesting party dynamic.
38 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
“It’s not the same old thing,” he says. “It’s not dinner and music, it’s more personal participation by people who are there – and that makes the experience more fun. “(Whirlyball) is a very viewable sport as well. There are 80-foot windows in each court and people get glued to it like they’re watching TV. You’re not just sitting with the same people all evening. Everyone is moving around and having fun.” Personalization can come at more informal venues, too. Rodenfels said at Force Sports, children and their guests can explore different sports throughout the event or have their party focus on a singular interest. “What is unique about our locations is that they’re wide-open spaces, so you can transform (your space) and do whatever you want with it,” he says. “There are many venues like that, but
people are shying away from the typical party center. When you go to an activity-based party, it becomes more informal – and people like that better.”
ENGAGING MOMENTS Another benefit to featuring unique activities at b’nai mitzvah parties is that guests will spend more time engaged with each other, creating special memories. “It helps bring families closer together to have these types of joint experiences,” Beam says. “Especially when they revolve around a shared interest. Nurturing that amongst families helps create a stronger bond within them. You’re promoting interests for the children and helping develop everyone’s creative side.” For more physical activities like what Force Sports and Whirlyball offer, Rodenfels says non-traditional parties tend to be more engaging.
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Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 39
Whirlyball “The adults have more fun than the kids sometimes,” he says. “I think it’s more engaging, at the end of the day, because it’s out of the typical mold.” Morad adds, “First and foremost, (Whirlyball) is a lot of fun, which is really important at parties. It’s very playable by everyone, which allows more people to be involved.”
YOUR CHILD’S INPUT When planning a party that revolves around a unique activity, all three professionals stressed the importance of including the
child in the decision-making process since the party is celebrating his or her rite of passage. “Though guidance doesn’t hurt, it’s important to get the kid’s opinions about what they want to see at a party,” Morad says. “It’s their day but you also want to do something parents would enjoy, too.” Rodenfels adds, “It’s definitely the parents’ day as well as the kid’s day. It’s a family party ... but when it comes to the activity, the child should have a say. If the parent selects games and it’s not what the child wants, you want
Force Sports to avoid that and include them in the selection process.”
BE FLEXIBLE, PREPARED As is the case with any party, Beam, Morad and Rodenfels suggest families be prepared and remain flexible when it comes to their unique activities because plans can change on a moment’s notice. “When a family can come in and have a set idea of what they want, they should stick to that plan and idea, though of course there may be changes along the way,” Rodenfels says. “Having a
vision and sticking to it will help you work with every other aspect as you build the party around the unique activity.” Beam says it’s important to remember who is attending the event and to pick an activity that is flexible enough for everyone to have fun. “Whether it be due to physical restraints or otherwise, you want a broad appeal to guests and then also that personal appeal,” he says. “You also want to plan far out in advance. The more complex and unique an event is, the more time you want to prepare for it.” BM
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40 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
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FROM OUR
In the lifetime of a Jewish family there is so much to celebrate. Whether you are a young adult becoming a Bar or Bat Mitzvah, a couple preparing for marriage, a family with small children looking ahead to religious school, or an adult wanting to renew or build a connection to a synagogue community, The Temple provides that special place. Become a part of The Temple family and celebrate with us.
WE WILL HELP
For information, contact Allison Shippy, Director of Member Services at 216.455.1703 or ashippy@ttti.org.
MAKE YOUR
CLOTHING TO OUR CUSTOM TAILORING...
BAR MITZVAH DAY PERFECT!
Jack and Lilyan Mandel Building 26000 Shaker Boulevard, Beachwood 216.831.3233 • www.ttti.org
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Private Event Director: Michael Levick
440.498.3419
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Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 41
SPECIAL SETTINGS
Northeast Ohio is home to many exciting party-hosting locations, including some high-profile places that may not immediately spring to mind for a simcha By Ed Carroll
Cleveland Metroparks
C
ommon advice for preparing a bar or bat mitzvah party is similar to advice for buying real estate: Location is everything. And luckily for parents planning these parties, Northeast Ohio is home to a number of venues wellsuited to host a simcha, each with their own unique offerings and charms. Representatives from the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, the Cleveland Metroparks Zoo and Hawken School offer insight into what makes their venues great locations for hosting upcoming celebrations.
PARTY ANIMALS When thinking about fun places to spend a day with family, the Cleveland Metroparks Zoo likely comes to mind – but it might not be top of mind when considering where to host a party. That’s a mistake, says Kelly Manderfield, chief marketing officer at the Cleveland Metroparks, which in 2015 opened Stillwater Place, a dedicated event/rental venue. “Unforgettable events happen at unique locations,” says Manderfield, noting Stillwater Place’s location in the heart of the zoo means it’s surrounded by more than 3,000 animals. “We have a new state-of-the-art ballroom, with a wood dance
floor, a fireplace, great (audio/ visual) capabilities and a balcony with a great view.” Families can also opt for add-on experiences at their parties, like having small animals brought up to interact with the guests, such as a barn owl, chinchilla or snake, or have their guests hand-feed giraffes at Stillwater Place’s giraffe feeding dock, she says. Beyond the zoo, the Cleveland Metroparks also has more than 75 other venues throughout its park district that are available for rental, such as Sleepy Hollow, a golf course in Brecksville, and Merwin’s Wharf, a restaurant on the East Bank of the Flats in downtown Cleveland. Cleveland Metroparks can also work with families to meet entertainment needs for a party, Manderfield says. “We have full-service party planners that will work with you on every detail and really help you plan the event,” she says.
42 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
Cleveland Metroparks
Hawken School barbatmagazine.com
Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
surprised to find out what the Hawken campuses have to offer. “I think most people are just like, ‘Wow, I didn’t realize how great this property was,’”Walter says.
TIME TO ROCK
AFTER-SCHOOL ACTIVITIES Hawken School is another venue that might not be first to come to mind when considering where to host a bar or bat mitzvah, but Gina Walter, director of strategic marketing at Hawken, says the school has three campuses – in Lyndhurst, Bainbridge Township and Cleveland’s University Circle neighborhood – that can be used for hosting events. “Regarding our Lyndhurst and (Bainbridge) campuses, and specifically our (Bainbridge) campus, is they’re just on a beautiful, large-acreage property,” Walter says. “So, there’s a lot of natural elements and outdoor, beautiful scenery that you’re surrounded by at any of those facilities. That certainly makes it very unique, welcoming and inviting.” She says the school’s other venue, located at the Sally and Bob
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Gries Center on Magnolia Drive, puts attendees in the heart of University Circle. “(You’re) connected to all of the surrounding museums and hospitals, and it’s in a beautiful area of Cleveland,” she says. Walter says deciding which of the three campuses to use depends on the type of party being planned. “We have a variety of rooms and settings,” Walter says. “We’ve hosted hundreds of people throughout our main academic building and converted that into a space before and had dinners and tables brought in, and we can host small, intimate groups as well. Our space is good for parties, meetings, all different needs.” She says when people contact her to ask about booking the spaces, they are often
The sales pitch for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum in downtown Cleveland is simple for Mike Detling, manager of sales at the Rock Hall. “It’s the only one in the world and it’s here in their backyard,” Detling says. “They’ve got access to seven floors, 160,000 square feet and over 30,000 artifacts on display.” A party at the Rock Hall goes beyond just having the histories of rock ‘n’ roll’s greatest artists serving as a backdrop. Detling says for private events, the Rock Hall can offer gallery talks for their featured galleries and have docents on site for 20- to 30-minute blocks to give talks on the history of a gallery, answer questions and give behind-the-scenes information guests wouldn’t get from simply visiting the Rock Hall. Despite being a hall of fame for legendary entertainers, Detling says he’s often asked about what the Rock Hall can accommodate for entertainment at parties.
“Obviously, everything depends on budget, but we do a lot of kid-friendly options, like magicians, balloon artists, caricature artists and things like that, to fire breathers on the exterior plaza, stilt walkers inside and outside the building, all the way to a fireworks show behind the building at the end of the night,” he says. The Rock Hall will work with clients to get an idea of what their needs are and determine how to meet those needs. Detling also says the Rock Hall has an in-house caterer and usually encourages clients to use them for their catering needs, but their kitchen is not kosher. If a client requires kosher food, Detling says the Rock Hall is happy to work with them to bring in outside food. And the museum’s unique architecture allows for clients to have separate dining stations for adults and children, if desired. “We’ve got more than enough spaces and levels that we can do a high-end plated dinner for adults in one spot of the museum, maybe with a cocktail hour, and then do a kid-friendly area in the atrium with games and kid-friendly fare, like a macand-cheese bar.” BM
Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 43
Heidi’s This N That displays its Cleveland jewelry, fidget spinners and keychains.
GIFTGIVING
GUIDANCE
From gifts for those who have everything to inexpensive-yetunique selections, options abound By Jacob Cramer
P
leasing 13-year-olds with perfect gifts for their b’nai mitzvah can be tricky. Finding the right tokens of appreciation for out-of-town attendees can be even more challenging, especially when weighing expenses of the occasion. As such, local shops offer options for when the Jewish milestone rolls around. Heidi Schupp, owner of Heidi’s This N That in Mayfield Heights, says fun and inexpensive gifts are a great route to take when scouring shelves for something that will positively contrib-
ute to b’nai mitzvah memories. “I know when my kids were doing the whole bar mitzvah thing, there were so many that you wouldn’t want to spend a ton of money on everybody,”
Keychains are among the gifts available at Heidi’s This N That. 44 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
says Schupp. “I’m one of those people that doesn’t like to just give people a gift card or cash, so I have little bracelets that are $20, I have really cute keychains, clothes – just something cool and different that you can give someone as a gift because all they get is cash and gift cards.” For a small bar or bat mitzvah gift, Schupp’s store offers luggage tags, luxury soaps, purses and jewelry that she finds and puts in her store if she thinks it’s something inexpensive and unique that she would want for herself. “Most of my stuff is $10 to $20,” she says. “Especially when you’re talking about bar and bat mitzvahs, families can embrace spending less because there’s so many. With my kids, when they were that age, I always had them buy something little for whomever, but you don’t want to go crazy because you’ll go broke.” Rita Sachs, who co-owns Mulholland and Sachs in Woodmere with her daughter, Anne Mulholland Sachs, recommends functional gifts for the event. “The comment I hear more every week of the year is, ‘I want a gift for a person who has everything.’ Find something useable, something that’s not going to go in the closet or the drawer. Think about whether this person might really use this.” Sachs says popular genderneutral options her store carries include pillows, cork circles and acrylic trays that can be placed on a dresser. These gifts can be personalized with an initial or the date of the special day. “You could even do a picture frame with their engraved event, and even though a lot of these kids don’t print pictures, chances are someone in the family is going to print a picture from that day, and they’ll have it on their bureau forever,” says Sachs. “We usually tell people to make the gift personal, so you can do names or initials or something so that it’s a keeper. I think that many years later, it’s always nice to have something and look back and say, ‘Oh, I got that for my bat mitzvah!’”
Top: Mulholland & Sachs sells a necklace with the moon’s cycle based on a special date. Above: This love letter necklace spins with an engraved letter on one side and a crystal initial on the other is one of the jewelry options offered from Mulholland & Sachs. To thank guests who have traveled to celebrate, Sachs suggests finding something simple. “For the guests coming in from out of town, there’s all manner of small, sweet sweets,” she says. “We carry candies from a little company in California called Sugarfina, and you could put that in everybody’s hotel room. There’s always seasonal, small items.” Beyond all else, Schupp encourages finding a gift that will make the teen happy on their big day. “I don’t like to just give a gift,” she says. “I pick stuff that I hope is going to make someone smile and make their day a little brighter, so when I’m giving a gift, I find something just right for the person to make them smile or to brighten their day.” BM
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Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 45
MANAGING MITZVAH MONEY
Sulecki
Local experts suggest saving most of it and spending a little Ullmo
By Amanda Koehn
A
fter the excitement following the big day settles down, many b’nai mitzvah boys and girls and their families get to decide how to use gift money responsibly. Fortunately, local bank representatives – Kevin Sulecki, vice president and branch manager of the Cedar Center Branch of Ohio Savings Bank in South Euclid, and Heathyr Ullmo, senior commercial banking officer and assistant vice president at Geauga Savings Bank – have tips for the best ways to maximize both the benefits of saving and spending.
SPLIT SAVING, SPENDING Sulecki advises parents and children decide together how to portion out bar or bat mitzvah money. He says he typically suggests the child be allowed to spend 10 to 15 percent – or, if it seems meaningful, 18 (chai) percent – and save the rest. To make that deal more appealing, kids can save a portion of the money for something fun they want in the near future, teaching them the value of saving for the biggest reward, he says. “They can maybe spend a little bit of money, they could save a
little bit of money for future things, or they could maybe have a goal of trying to save for something over the next year or six months,” Sulecki says. Ullmo, who’s based at Geauga Savings Bank’s Beachwood branch, suggests portioning out gift money into five equal parts. One part can be spent on something the kid wants, three parts saved and one part spent on a good cause – possibly the same organization where they volunteered for their mitzvah project. “That fifth part is then giving of themselves,” she says. “They will then donate to that organization as well, and it could be an organization they continue to grow with as they get older, but it’s something that means something to them.”
BEST ACCOUNT TYPES Sulecki suggests families consider opening a kid’s account at his bank, which is free and can be started with $1. The child can make deposits and it’s in their name rather than their parents’ name.
46 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
“What’s nice about the kids’ account is it just gives them a sense of pride. When they open an account, they learn how to use money (and) the value of money,” he says. “It gives them an understanding of the ramifications of saving money.” He also suggests families consider investing in the Gift of Israel program. The Jewish Education Center of Cleveland and Ohio Savings Bank partnered, along with the Jewish Federation of Cleveland and local participating religious schools, to provide a savings plan for students with the incentive for families to put money toward an educational experience in Israel. Families put funds into an account (beginning any time between pre-kindergarten and 10th grade) and the Federation and religious schools contribute as well. The Federation will also put in an additional $300 in the account the year the child has a bar or bat mitzvah. Ullmo says parents and kids should discuss what type of account they feel comfortable putting their money in, but says a savings account is a good bet if they want to save for something like a car and need to access the money within a few years. A
Certificate of Deposit or another account type could be a good idea if they want to save the money for longer and grow interest but will not need to access it for a set period of time. “There is no amount that is too small to save,” she says.
FORMING GOOD HABITS Sulecki says since having a bar or bat mitzvah signifies taking responsibility over one’s life and growing up, it’s also a good time to discuss responsibility surrounding money and how to make good decisions. “I think it’s very, very important to have that collaboration between the parents and the child,” he says. Moreover, since both children and parents bear some responsibility over the money until the child turns 18, it’s good for both parties to get on the same page about what it will be used for. Thus, Ullmo says neither should make decisions about it on their own. “I think it is probably a good idea to have a conversation between the two of them,” she says. “It’s not the parents’ money, (it’s) the kid’s money … but the conversation goes back to ‘What do you want to do with it?’” BM
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Mitzvah Bar•Bat
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Coming of age Sacred and spiritual, b’nai mitzvah mark meaningful circle-of-life moments for Northeast Ohio families
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Bar•Bat
Mitzvah
Spring 2018
CONTENTS
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The Cleveland Jewish News
Mitzvah Bar•Bat
BARBATMAGAZINE.COM
16
SSPRING PRING 2018
Coming of age Sacred and spiritual, b’nai mitzvah mark meaningful circle-of-life moments for Northeast Ohio families
On the cover: Max Page applies tefillin on his birthday, March 12, at Solon Chabad in Solon. His formal bar mitzvah celebration was held later in the week on March 17. Photo courtesy of Gena Page Photography.
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Center of attention
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Editor Michael C. Butz speculates which Cleveland professional athletes might make the best “Bar Mitzvah Man” for Northeast Ohio
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Looking Back
B’nai mitzvah bonds Local temples and synagogues build strong connections between young congregants and other members by pairing them for bar and bat mitzvah studies
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Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
Ask A Pro
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Planning tips from Northeast Ohio professionals about catering, stationery, floral, entertainment, photography and synagogues
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Northeast Ohioans recall their bar or bat mitzvah – and the preparation that led up to the big day
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Northeast Ohio is home to many exciting party-hosting locations, including some high-profile places that may not immediately spring to mind for a simcha
Party preparation Getting an early start and keeping track of the details are important to keep in mind when planning a party
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Gift-giving guidance From gifts for those who have everything to inexpensive-yet-unique selections, options abound
Fun for everyone Incorporating a unique activity can add an engaging element to your celebration that will benefit all involved
Special settings
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Managing mitzvah money Local experts suggest saving most of it and spending a little
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iven that Cleveland is Cavaliers country, it’s unlikely that a story about New York Knicks reserve center Kyle O’Quinn reported late last year caught the attention of many in Northeast Ohio. The story, it could be said, was about his improved play this season — though not on the basketball court. Instead, O’Quinn’s noteworthy performances have taken place at entertainment centers as, shall we say, the Big Apple’s b’nai mitzvah MVP. The 6-foot-10, 250-pound Queens native is one of the bigger comedians in the Knicks’ locker room – a quality that undoubtedly helps him headline parties for 13-year-olds, as reported by ESPN in December. O’Quinn spends much of his time at the celebrations socializing, dancing, joking with families and taking selfies with attendees. “The parties are crazy. I did one, did two, and the next thing you know, I was just Bar Mitzvah Man,” he told ESPN. “A lot of times, I go and I stay longer than I’m supposed to because it’s so much fun.” I can’t help but wonder who among Cleveland’s professional athletes would make a good “Bar Mitzvah Man.” Perhaps Cavs small forward Cedi Osman, whose on-court hustle often provides the Wine and Gold a spark – just as it might also provide a spark for a party full of teenagers. Or maybe Indians All-Star shortstop Francisco Lindor, whose love of the game and zest for life are plain to see – and likely make him the life of most any party.
There’s always all-pro offensive lineman Joe Thomas, who’s considered an all-around good guy by the Browns who’ve played alongside him – and whose weekends are presumably free for the foreseeable future thanks to his recent retirement. In the event none of those athletes attend your child’s bar or bat mitzvah, fear not. In this issue of Bar•Bat Mitzvah, we have plenty to help you plan your celebration, from suggestions for engaging activities and interesting locations for your party to advice from local experts about planning, photography, entertainment, catering and more. We also visit with the Neumann family of Olmsted Falls to learn how a b’nai mitzvah tutoring program that started 24 years ago at Beth Israel-The West Temple continues to positively impact temple members, and for that same story, we ask local rabbis how similar programs are working for their congregations. So, regardless of whether an NBA center attends your child’s party, there’s plenty in this issue to help ensure his or her studies take center stage and to help your child feel like the center of attention.
Editor Michael C. Butz mbutz@cjn.org Designer Lillian Messner CJN Managing Editor Bob Jacob Controller Tracy DiDomenico Digital Marketing Manager Rebecca Fellenbaum Events Manager Gina Lloyd Editorial Ed Carroll Amanda Koehn Becky Raspe Alyssa Schmitt Custom Publishing Manager Paul Bram Sales & Marketing Manager Andy Isaacs Advertising Marcia Bakst Marilyn Evans Ron Greenbaum Adam Jacob Nell V. Kirman Sherry Tilson Design Manager Stephen Valentine Design Jessica Simon Digital Content Producer Abbie Murphy Business & Circulation Diane Adams Tammie Crawford Abby Royer Yoda Newton Editorial Intern Jacob Cramer Subscriber Services 216-342-5185/circulation@cjn.org Display Advertising 216-342-5191 adsales@cjn.org
VOL. 142 NO. 15
Speaking of athletes joining the party, revisit Jewish Federation of Cleveland President Stephen H. Hoffman’s 1963 bar mitzvah, which involved a visit from NBA hall-of-famer Wilt Chamberlain, by checking out the Looking Back section of barbatmagazine.com.
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Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS (ISSN-00098825) is published weekly with additional issues in January, March, May, June, August, October, November and December by The Cleveland Jewish Publication Company at 23880 Commerce Park, Suite 1, Cleveland, OH 44122-5380. Single copy $1.25. Periodicals Postage paid at Cleveland, OH., and additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER and additional mailing offices. Send address changes to the Cleveland Jewish News, 23880 Commerce Park, Suite 1, Cleveland, barbatmagazine.com OH 44122-5380
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Left photo © New Image Photography Right photo © Dennis Crider Photography
LOOKING BACK
Well-known Northeast Ohioans remember their bar or bat mitzvah
Edward H. Kraus
Edward H. Kraus Edward H. Kraus, center, poses with friends at the party following his bar mitzvah, which took place in Congregation Beth Am’s party room.
EDWARD H. KRAUS Mayor, City of Solon Edward H. Kraus with his father, Bill, at his bar mitzvah in November 1973.
By Amanda Koehn
W
hen Solon Mayor Edward H. Kraus thinks about his bar mitzvah in November 1973, he remembers the intense preparations that made him “extremely nervous.” He says the evening before, he couldn’t stop thinking about having to chant his haftorah in front of so many people, which led to him rehearsing it over and over in his head.
While nerves are common for any bar or bat mitzvah student, Kraus said the studiousness and intellect of the congregants at his synagogue, the former Congregation Beth Am in Cleveland Heights (which merged with B’nai Jeshurun Congregation in Pepper Pike in
8
1999), and its late Rabbi Michael Hecht and Cantor Martin Leubitz, added another level of pressure. “Everything with Beth Am, you had to be on your A-game at all times,” says Kraus, who was 13 at the time and lived in University Heights. “There was a lot of pres-
Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
sure to do it perfect, or else they would correct you while you were up there – like if you missed a vowel or a pronunciation.” However, the hours of rehearsal were worth it. Kraus completed the service without missteps – in front of many congregants on Shabbat – and made his family proud. “I wanted to make sure I was proud of myself, but also that my parents were proud of me,” he says. “I had all my grandparents there, who were from Europe and were all devoutly religious. It was really important to them that I really put in the effort.” While Kraus says the festivities that followed in the synagogue’s party room were fun and even a little “wild” for the kids, the focus was his parents. He only invited a few friends because his parents had invited so many of their own, and he remembers his mother wore a beautiful gown and had planned everything. “I remember my parents kind of said, ‘Hey you can have your own party, but the night of the bar mitzvah will be more for adults,”’ he says. “I remember they told me that and I said ‘fine.’” Kraus, in his brown bowtie and fitted brown suit, simply enjoyed
the fleeting night, which revolved around listening to his parents, sisters and grandfather give speeches. The real celebration for him came later that week, when he and two friends who had been bar mitzvahed around the same time held a hayride party on a farm for their friends. While he says going through the bar mitzvah process didn’t have a drastic impact on his Jewish life, years later when he went to Israel on a high school group trip, those connections came around. “Probably the single greatest factor that changed my life was that trip,” he says. “It made me realize the importance of Israel, of our faith, and when I got married, I wanted my kids to go to Israel and experience the same.” While Kraus was proud to see his children – Rachel, Hannah and Jacob – train for their b’nai mitzvah decades after his own experience, he says, “I was thrilled that they were doing it instead of me.” “It definitely brought back memories. All three of them worked really hard, and all three of them took it really seriously,” he says. “I was proud of that, that they really wanted to do the best they could.” BM
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Jill Helfman
Jill Helfman Helfman, at top right, joins friends for a 1950s-style bat mitzvah party in 1975.
JILL HELFMAN Co-partner-in-charge, Cleveland office of Taft Stettinius & Hollister LLP Jill Helfman, at left, with her sister Amie and brother Bruce at her bat mitzvah.
By Amanda Koehn
W
hen Jill Helfman reflects on her Feb. 28, 1975 bat mitzvah, a few separate events come to mind. First, there was the actual service on a Friday evening at Beth El Congregation in Akron, followed by her family-oriented bat mitzvah party the next day, and a brunch that Sunday. Then, in June of that year, Helfman and her Jewish female peers jointly celebrated their coming of age at their own 1950s-themed party that reflected the interests of their social circle better than the parties their parents threw them. For the party, the girls wrote invitations on records, hand-delivering them to each guest, and boys and girls wore outfits to fit the theme. That party was a welcome event after the preparation and learning involved in the religious ceremony. Helfman, however, was well prepared thanks to her synagogue’s ritual director, Rev. Phillip Salzman. “He was there on the bimah with us to make sure we did well,” says Helfman, who’s now
co-partner-in-charge at the Cleveland office of Taft Stettinius & Hollister LLP. “I don’t remember being all that nervous of that because I was so prepared.” The 13-year-old Helfman wore a white robe for the service, and just about all the other Jewish
seventh graders she knew, from the three Akron-area schools and synagogues, attended. “Back then, we weren’t over scheduled with weekend sports and other extracurricular events, so that’s how we spent our Friday nights and Saturday mornings,” she says, adding, however, that only her closest friends attended her family party the next day since they had planned the separate ‘50s-themed celebration. For the family-oriented party in her family’s backyard, the girls and women wore long dresses. They had a catered dinner, a tent, a band, dancing and, of course, Helfman received a gift – a calculator that four members of her mother’s mahjong group went in on. As calculators were novel at the time, Helfman says it was quite expensive and she wasn’t allowed to take it out of the home.
Jill Helfman
Helfman Helfman is joined by her father, David Friedman, at her bat mitzvah Jill brunch.
10 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
After her bat mitzvah and the series of events that followed, Helfman says she remained active in Jewish life through United Synagogue Youth, the Conservative youth movement. Also, later in life, once Helfman met her future husband, Brad Helfman, they found that they both had their b’nai mitzvah at synagogues called Beth El. (Her husband’s synagogue was in Buffalo, N.Y., where he grew up.) “We used to say that he belonged to the franchise,” she says. Having seen her three children, Jared, Lindsey and Justin, go through the b’nai mitzvah process, Helfman says she sees a clear distinction between the parent-organized parties following the service when she was 13, and the kid-oriented bashes that occur today. Today’s parties resemble her ‘50s party more than anything. “What I remember being so different about the celebration part is the parties are so much larger now and include such a great number of children in addition to family and friends,” says Helfman, who now belongs to Park Synagogue in Cleveland Heights and Pepper Pike. “And the parties tend to cater to the kids as opposed to the more sophisticated (parties) I think we had when we were younger.” BM
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Andy Baskin
ANDY BASKIN Mid-day host, WKRK-FM 92.3 The Fan
Andy Baskin Baskin is joined by his parents, Shirley and Allan.
Andy Baskin on the day of his bar mitzvah in 1980.
By Amanda Koehn
T
o say Andy Baskin’s bar mitzvah made him nervous is a gross understatement. After getting kicked out of Hebrew school at Heights Jewish Center Synagogue in Cleveland Heights for being a “horrible” student, it fell on his older brother, Bruce, to prepare him in their Cleveland Heights home for a day of which he was “scared to death.” “We would go in the basement and we would scream at each other about how bad I was at Hebrew,” Baskin says. Some of Baskin’s trouble came from the fact that he didn’t belong to a synagogue at the time. His bar mitzvah ceremony ended up being held at an Orthodox synagogue – thus having some of the most rigid training – because his family was friends with the rabbi. “I was kind of a Reform kid that was thrown in an Orthodox world,” Baskin says. Luckily, Bruce was 9 years older than the 13-year-old Andy and had taught at the Hebrew school at the former Congregation Brith Emeth, which was in Pepper Pike and was later acquired by Park Synagogue. On Nov. 29, 1980, the younger Baskin finally had his moment of truth at the bimah.
“I’ve never been more scared to talk to a group of people than when I was 13-years-old standing on that bimah,” he says. Ultimately the service “turned out OK, once I got moving,” he recalls, and he managed not to be too bothered by the better Torah-educated boys sitting in the front correcting him during it. Afterward, Baskin had a luncheon with his family at Landerhaven. Although he wanted a big party like his older brother had years before, his family was so nervous the younger Baskin wouldn’t make it through the training, that they decided to keep it small. Bruce died 13 years ago, and to this day, Baskin credits his bar mitzvah to him. He always looked up to Bruce and cites that he wanted to wear the same baseball number as he did in high school.
12 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
Andy Baskin Bruce Baskin, at left, embraces his younger brother at his bar mitzvah. “He was my big brother and if I wouldn’t have done it, I think he would have just kicked my butt,” he says of the bar mitzvah. Now, Baskin’s two children, Brynn, 12, and Blake, 10, are being raised in an interfaith home (Jewish and Methodist). His daughter has connected to Methodist teachings, like his wife, Cassy, while it remains to be seen whether his son will go through the bar mitzvah process. Baskin wants him to have a choice. Baskin says he’s jealous of the learning environments at Hebrew schools today. However, his struggle that day inadvertently prepared him for his career in sports media.
“I’ve done commencement speeches and I’ve talked in front of hundreds of thousands of people in what I do, and I’ve never been more nervous than I was for my bar mitzvah,” he says. “The one thing about bar mitzvahs that no one thinks about is, I don’t know of many cultures that throw a 13-yearold out there and say, ‘OK, speak in front of a mass.’ And I think it helps you become a public speaker.” Baskin says in the long run, the experience taught him about what it means to work for something you want. “I wasn’t prepared, and it taught me to be prepared,” he says. BM
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Clifford Norton
Clifford Norton Axner with her grandparents, Harold and Esther Katzel, who influenced her to become more observant, in September 1978.
MINDI AXNER Executive director, National Council of Jewish Women/Cleveland Mindi Axner, center, with her brother Craig, mother Tobie Kogan, father Alan Kogan and sister Dana at her bat mitzvah in September 1978.
By Amanda Koehn
F
or Mindi Axner, her bat mitzvah was not an obligatory event that was built up her entire life, as it is for some Jewish children, but something she chose to do of her own volition. She says although her family attended a Reform synagogue,
the now-closed Brith Emeth Congregation in Pepper Pike, she was inspired by her maternal grandparents, who were Modern Orthodox. “I remember wanting my grandfather to sit up on the bimah with me,” she says of the day. Thus, on Sept. 8, 1978, after much preparation, the day finally came for the young Axner, who was 12 at the time. She remembers going through the service, where her only mistake was flipping two words around in
Elizabeth Glorioso Axner, at left, with her twins, Emily and Sam, and husband Michael Axner at the children’s b’nai mitzvah in August 2015. 14 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
a prayer. She just kept going though, she says. “Still, all these years later, whenever I’m in synagogue and we come to the prayer and I read it, I’m still conscious that that was the one mistake I had made,” she says, adding that she now attends Park Synagogue in Cleveland Heights and Pepper Pike. Axner also remembers how much she loved her rabbi, the late Rabbi Philip Horowitz, and how it was exciting to read from the Torah for the first time. Her bat mitzvah party, which was small by today’s standards, took place in her backyard the following Sunday, when friends and family danced to live music. Moreover, Axner was the first grandchild of her beloved grandparents, Esther and Harold Katzel, to have a bat or bar mitzvah. Axner’s younger brother was bar mitzvahed afterward, and her younger sister was later bat mitzvahed at her own daughter’s naming ceremony about 18 years ago. “I think they were very proud to see me up there,” she says of her grandparents. Moreover, that special day was just the beginning of a life of endeavors in Judaism and the local Jewish community for Axner. “My bat mitzvah was the start of my Jewish journey,” she says.
“After that, I attended a year of @akiva during high school and started keeping kosher in our house, which evolved over the years to keeping kosher out of the house, too.” Her close relationship with her grandparents also inspired her to focus more on Jewish holiday observance and to further develop her interest in learning, she adds. The local Jewish community continued to draw in Axner. She says after living away from Cleveland for several years, she returned to work at Montefiore and Jewish Family Service Association. Then, after a gap in working in the Jewish nonprofit world, she missed it so much she eventually become executive director of National Council of Jewish Women/Cleveland. Axner’s twins, Emily and Sam, had their b’nai mitzvah about two and a half years ago at Park Synagogue, which allowed her to relive aspects of her own. She says since her children attended Gross Schechter Day School in Pepper Pike, they had a more sophisticated religious understanding at the young age and were actually able to chant from the Torah, rather than read – which made her proud. “It was much easier for them than it was for me,” she says. BM
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Michael C. Butz
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B’NAI MITZVAH BONDS Rachel Neumann, left, and Robin Shapiro, both members at Beth Israel – The West Temple, share a couch with notepad and laptop in hand – as they often did when Shapiro tutored Rachel in the months leading up to her bat mitzvah.
Local temples and synagogues build strong connections between young congregants and other members by pairing them for bar and bat mitzvah studies By Alyssa Schmitt
B
eth Israel – The West Temple found itself in a bind nearly 24 years ago. It was in the process of a two-year search for a rabbi, which meant it didn’t have one for that duration. Like at many temples, the rabbi handled b’nai mitzvah preparations, and many young congregants were closing in on the age at which tutoring should begin. Rabbi Enid C. Lader, then the educational director, was tasked with reimagining the b’nai mitzvah process. What resulted was a mentorship program that bridged older congregants with those about to begin their b’nai mitzvah tutoring – a bridge still in use today, long after a rabbi was found, and well after Lader
was named rabbi in 2012 at the temple in Cleveland’s Kamm’s Corners neighborhood. Other area temples and synagogues – including Park Synagogue in Cleveland Heights and Pepper Pike and Temple Israel Ner Tamid in Mayfield Heights – have also adopted creative ways to connect their congregations.
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Whether born of necessity or simply seen as a way to enrich and enliven the b’nai mitzvah process, they’ve all resulted in stronger bonds within the Jewish community.
REIMAGINING TRADITION Back then, Lader was studying in the Cleveland Fellow Program,
which has since been absorbed into the Siegal Lifelong Learning program at Case Western Reserve University. One of her courses focused on Torah at the dining room table, a method that sought to bring family together over a shared connection. “I had thought about that. I read about a mentor program in
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Eisenberg
Michael C. Butz The b’nai mitzvah mentoring program at The West Temple was inspired by a course Rabbi Enid C. Lader once took that focused on Torah at the dining room table, which was meant to build connections. Rachel and Shapiro often did that as Shapiro tutored Rachel. a collection of bar/bat mitzvah strategies that was using members of the congregation,” she says. “I thought, ‘Well, we have a number of very learned members of our congregation whose children are grown (and) out of the house. They themselves are of retirement age or post-retirement age, but they still wanted to be connected to the congregation in meaningful ways.’” Lader approached older members of the congregation who gave d’var Torah at some point during the year or taught in the temple’s religious school and asked whether they would be willing to mentor younger members. Some were hesitant, Lader recalls, because they weren’t sure they could connect with young people, but they still said yes to helping the congregation. “They all had connections to Torah, so to speak, and they were
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all thoughtful, intelligent people,” she says. “They also were lovely about wanting to share what they knew or at least give it a try.” Older members couldn’t take on all of a rabbi’s role. Instead, it was broken up into different sections. Sosh Ault, the temple’s Hebrew coordinator, became the temple’s b’nai mitzvah tutor as far as Hebrew was concerned – and is still serving in the same role today. Lader was serving as the cantorial soloist, teaching the young congregants how to lead the service and work with the melodies of the service. Sarah Bedrossian has since taken on being the Torah and haftarah trope tutor.
A FAMILY’S PERSPECTIVE The mentors at Beth Israel have varied from a NASA scientist and a social worker to a high school chemistry
Lader
teacher and an actress. The wide range of mentors pairs well with an equally diverse group of students, making it possible for Lader to pair students and mentors based on similarities and shared interests. That was true for Rachel Neumann, 13, when she began her bat mitzvah tutoring in February 2017, though Lader didn’t make the mentor-student match for Rachel. Rachel is a bibliophile and researcher, and she wanted to learn the Torah in a new light that had not been possible before. Because the Neumann family is active in the congregation, Lader was familiar with Rachel’s qualities, and while mentors on reserve at the temple had been successful with other students, she felt they might not be as effective with Rachel. “When (Lader) spoke with us and started getting Rachel prepared, she’s like, ‘You guys are choosing the mentor, right?’” says Holly Neumann, Rachel’s mom. “I knew the people that would do it for the other kids weren’t the right fit for Rachel.” Holly Neumann turned to her friend, Robin Shapiro, who tutored about 10 students through her 11 years of mentorship. She’s a librarian at Westlake Porter Public Library in Westlake, and at home, she has shelves full of books, many of which Rachel took an interest in. “Every time (Rachel) left her mentoring session with Robin, she would walk away with two more books,” Holly Neumann says. “They would also talk about Jewish authors and books that teens could start to get into that might be about some heavier subjects in Jewish history, like the Holocaust.”
Skoff
Shapiro was raised at Beth Shalom Congregation, a Conservative synagogue in Elkin Park, Pa., where she cultivated her Jewish knowledge and learned how to read Hebrew. In the beginning months, when Shapiro and Rachel met for their tutoring session in Shapiro’s Avon Lake home, Shapiro kept her laptop handy for when Rachel wanted to dive deeper into her Torah section by finding art representation or articles concerning her Torah portion. “Rachel took a very intellectual approach, she has a lot of innate curiosity,” Shapiro says. When they drew nearer to Rachel’s bat mitzvah day, Oct. 14, 2017, Shapiro’s role changed from providing understanding of the Torah section to providing guidance for Rachel’s d’var Torah. The in-person tutoring sessions changed to email conversations, passing back the d’var Torah Rachel had written. The day of her bat mitzvah, Rachel chanted her Torah portion, made possible from her tutoring with Bedrossian, and Shapiro was given the honor of the aliyah, which she says she doesn’t always have the opportunity to do for her students. Since her tutoring sessions, Rachel has felt more knowledgeable when others around her would discuss the Torah. She’s even joined the temple’s weekly Torah study, where she is often the only teenager in attendance. “I got a whole new understanding of the Torah. It wasn’t sugar-coated, I was getting the real bare bones of our existence,” Rachel says. “I was learning how to read Torah, and that just excited me because I’ll be able to read just like everyone else.”
Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 17
Michael C. Butz Pete Copeland From left, Holly, Rachel, Becky and David Neumann at Rachel’s bat mitzvah on Oct. 14, 2017. Holly Neumann’s younger daughter, Becky, is now preparing for her own tutoring with a mentor, but she won’t follow the same path her older sister took. “While we love Rachel’s mentor and she’s my really dear friend, she would not be the right mentor for (Becky), so we’re considering something different” Holly Neumann says. “What’s so beneficial is that we have so many diverse people in the temple that you can find the right match up for your son or daughter that will click with them and enhance their whole experience.”
BENEFITS OF MENTORSHIP Mentors are taking on different forms throughout Greater Cleveland congregations, but the goal is still the same: to help foster a love of Judaism in a young adult. About 15 years ago, a grandmother wanted to tutor her grandchildren during their b’nai mitzvah studies, but the grandchildren’s synagogue didn’t allow tutors outside of its religious school’s faculty. However, the temple the grandmother belonged to, Temple Israel Ner Tamid, did. Her actions, Rabbi
I got a whole new understanding of the Torah. It wasn’t sugar-coated, I was getting the real bare bones of our existence. I was learning how to read Torah, and that just excited me because I’ll be able to read just like everyone else. Rachel Neumann, 13, discussing her Torah studies with Robin Shapiro Matthew Eisenberg says, started a tradition at his temple. “I told them our policy was to encourage the profound Jewish relationship between a grandparent and a grandchild,” he recalls. “Of course grandma can tutor the kids.” Request to have an outside tutor from the temple’s religious school are rare, Eisenberg says. When there is one, he will interview the possible tutor, who must be a member at the temple, to find out whether they’re competent and can properly teach the material. There’s a comfort level in selecting a relative or a family friend, which can encourage new thoughts the student might not have revealed to a religious
18 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
school teacher. But ultimately, Eisenberg says, “it does come down to the amount of work the student puts in.” A mentor can also become a permanent fixture in a young person’s life and help keep them connected to Judaism, an idea used at Park Synagogue by linking high school kids to younger members who are studying for their bar or bat mitzvah. While parents put the care of their children in the hands of the synagogue’s Hebrew school, the connection between a slightly older peer has been beneficial since the synagogue put it into practice about 20 years ago. “The high school kids are involved and become a visible presence along with the profes-
sionals,” Rabbi Joshua Skoff says. “These are peers that are closer to their age than their parents, and these are peers they can relate to socially, but these peers are also saying, ‘Hey, it’s time to study for your bar/bat mitzvah. That’s also a cool thing to do.’ It’s a big thrill for a younger kid to be taught by an older kid.” Skoff explained that the professionals at the synagogue have an easy time connecting with younger members, but it’s the added social bond with peers that can keep younger members connecting with each other and ultimately the synagogue. The added connection to other temple or synagouge members can make the congregations stronger while creating a bond that resonates with each member– something Lader has witnessed firsthand for more than two decades. “It’s like at the holidays, when we have a larger part of the congregation coming to services, people look out and they know each other,” she says. “I know that in many cases, people have remained friends as time has gone on.” BM
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CATERING
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ELIZABETH COUGHLIN
SOCIAL CATERING SALES MANAGER CLEVELAND MUSEUM OF ART | CLEVELAND WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO GET RIGHT? Doing something that is striking and kind of visually exciting is important. A lot of what we’ve seen are things that are more interactive and visually striking when it comes to food and set ups. When it comes down to it, the food is what people are going to remember and talk about. So, do something that is awe-inspiring. It’s not only the visual look, but also the taste. It’s really important to have food that looks like art and is interactive, but also tastes good.
HOW DOES THE FOOD IMPACT THE PARTY? I think food determines the fact if your guests stay for the duration or if they leave early. From the first course to the last, people really determine the ranking of the party based on what they ate and the different culinary offerings. In the market now, food has become kind of like a niche market. The list of food types gets longer every day, so it’s really important to keep up with the current flavor profile.
WHAT IS OFTEN OVERLOOKED? I think the display of the food. A lot of time goes into picking the menu itself and making sure there is an adequate amount of food, but from a design perspective, food often gets overlooked. It’s important for food to look just as good as it tastes.
WHAT TRENDS ARE YOU SEEING? We’re seeing more interactive food. We’re seeing food with movement. We have a woman we call “The Cake Lady,” and she displays food on her clothes and gives it movement. You can also make food part of your event. I’ve done a couple events where people schedule entertainment around their courses. It’s about tying that together – and with each course, you move to a different level of entertainment. Plated dinners also have a heavy hand but formal cocktail receptions are becoming increasingly popular. This gives guests the opportunity to interact with their food but also with other guests.
22 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
Cleveland Museum of Art Lemon cheesecake with blueberries That also really goes along with what is happening in society – you take the grab-and-go concept and elevate it to a party. You’re mixing and matching and mingling – and that goes well with modern parties.
WHEN SHOULD PARENTS START PLANNING? We recommend booking the venue and caterer a year out. As far as the planning goes, this can start about four to six months out. At that point, you can keep up with the trends and seasonality of food. Planning within the six-month window tends to be the best fit.
ON WHAT SHOULD PARENTS FOCUS? At the end of the day, guests may not remember what the centerpieces were or the entertainment, but what will make a lasting impact on guests is the food. Whether it’s good or bad – that is what they remember and tell people about. It’s really important to create memories. (B’nai mitzvah) are events that are designed to create memories between the parent, child and their guests. Good food can help with that. BM
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Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 23
ENTERTAINMENT
Mariana Edelman
CHRIS HATALA
EVENT DIRECTOR | GAMES DONE LEGIT ENTERTAINMENT | CLEVELAND WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO GET RIGHT? The dance party has been a solid party fixture for quite a while. The way events are kind of trending is experiential entertainment. People want to stand out and be unique – they want to entertain themselves and do it through technology. The most important thing is just that – differentiating themselves. Tech is evolving so rapidly and we’re just starting to figure out how they can work in a party setting. That seems to be the No. 1 priority right now.
ON WHAT SHOULD PARENTS FOCUS? We’ve talked to a lot of parents and they said their b’nai mitzvah was very traditional. Basically, within a generation, that’s how fast entertainment has changed. I think because of where we are now, for whatever reason, it’s become less traditional. You want to give a fantastic impression to your guests but at the end of the day, it’s a party and people want to have fun. There are so many awesome new ways for people to have fun and let loose.
WHAT IS OFTEN OVERLOOKED? We, from the ground up, look at how we can build a party.
B’nai mitzvah can be built from a myriad of activities. There are so many options of what you could do, from the décor to lighting. Things are expanding right now in terms of what families want to do at these parties. They are very willing in having the kids have a big say in the parties. But what is most often overlooked is finding that balance in what the kid wants and what the parent is hoping to see. Parents are more willing now to have conversations with their children – they aren’t as hesitant, now, to expand their horizons on what a party can be.
WHAT TRENDS ARE YOU SEEING? Experimental entertainment is huge – and an inspiration from high-end corporate events. That trickles down and makes its way into b’nai mitzvah. It means more creative activities – cool stuff that you can do with a design element. The core idea of taking this really fun activity that is more nontraditional and dressing that up – it fits the scope of a traditional b’nai mitzvah. Tech is going to evolve in the next five years and I think that is also going to alter the entertainment business.
24 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
Games Done Legit Entertainment
Everyone wants their party to be special – you go to about 30 b’nai mitzvah a year, pretty much. Chris Hatala Games Done Legit Entertainment WHEN SHOULD PARENTS START PLANNING? It’s usually about a year out. That’s a good time to start working on it. We put together a bar and bat mitzvah checklist because it’s a huge undertaking and a huge moment in these families’ lives. It’s something they will remember forever. I would also tell families that if they find something cool they want to do close to the date, don’t be afraid to pick up the phone. We want to make the family
happy and you don’t want any regrets.
HOW CAN ENTERTAINMENT SET A PARTY APART? I think it’s a goal for everyone. Everyone wants their party to be special – you go to about 30 b’nai mitzvah a year, pretty much. I definitely understand, and all of the big names in entertainment are conscious of the fact that families want to stand out. BM
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Paradise Flower Market
FLORAL AMANDA PARADISE
CO-OWNER | PARADISE FLOWER MARKET | WOODMERE WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO GET RIGHT? I think the biggest thing is to have a theme. There is always a theme. It’s something that is consistent with the theme and really in line with what the child wants. We’ve done some things that have had colored beads or cool things they put in the pieces or characters. It just needs to go with the individual and what they want and then in line with the theme itself.
HOW SHOULD FLOWERS BE UTILIZED AT THE PARTY? We do centerpieces – they are always fairly different. There is always a personal aspect. It corresponds similarly to a wedding. They are inherently different, but of course (the centerpieces) would also correspond with the event.
WHAT CAN FLORALS SAY ABOUT A CHILD? There are different types of styles that we can design around. If someone has a Pinterest board, you can get a taste of what someone wants, whether it be unique, modern or odd. You can really do that monochromatic design or something like an English garden design. Florals can speak to the
child’s personality, and personality comes out based on what ideas you give us. We can then better judge what to show you. You can get a sense of someone’s style from what they show you.
WHAT IS OFTEN OVERLOOKED? I think they should be very aware of what it is they want and come prepared with ideas. They should select a color scheme that they want to stick with and to be aware of the budget beforehand. Often times, we can work with a budget and get the similar look and feel without spending a lot. Depending on the flower and season, costs rapidly change. There is a supply and demand aspect of flowers, but if some flowers aren’t in season, that doesn’t mean we can’t get them. Have a general idea of what your theme is.
WHAT TRENDS ARE YOU SEEING? Rose golds and bronzes are coming back, which follows from jewelry. We’re also seeing more modern designs. They seem to like classic mixed with modern – the pairings are modern but the colors are more classic. In terms of themes or styles, it’s a bit more modern. Not any one color stands out but they want some-
26 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
Paradise Flower Market thing young and unique. There is some parental influence there, but the kids want something fun and funky and their personal touch on it.
commodate you. It comes down to how decisive or indecisive someone is.
WHEN SHOULD PARENTS START PLANNING?
Flowers round out your décor. They are really customary to these types of parties. The tables look bare without them. There is something elegant about flowers at a party and they do a lot more than something like a candle or centerpiece. It shows that extra thought you’ve put into the planning. It gives that extra personal touch. BM
Follow yourself. The flower aspect would be once you’ve already selected the venue and décor. You’d need to know these things first; flowers don’t need to be selected a year in advance like others. Costs do change. Typically, if you give it three to four months in advance, we can ac-
ON WHAT SHOULD PARENTS FOCUS?
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Pollack Studio
JOSEPH POLLACK
PHOTOGRAPHY
OWNER | POLLACK STUDIO | SOUTH EUCLID WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO GET RIGHT? Family. B’nai mitzvah are circle-of-life events. It’s all about the child and the family coming of age. You only get this once in your life. It’s about being considered an adult Jew. The pictures on the dance floor are fun candids, but 20 to 30 years later, you look at the party pictures and you may not remember all 75 to 100 kids that were there. But, you’ll remember your family members. That is what is important. It’s not about what the theme of the b’nai mitzvah is, it’s about that circle-of-life aspect. To me, getting photos with the family members, that is what is important.
ON WHAT ASPECT OF PHOTOGRAPHY SHOULD PARENTS FOCUS? The photography, as far as I’m concerned, should capture the symbolism of the service.
We stage those photographs so that they are symbolic and meaningful and show the family members’ emotions. One of the most beautiful photos, when I’m shooting b’nai mitzvah, is when we stage the grandparents with the child. They’re kvelling. The party photography is more about candid moments of happiness, but those staged moments are priceless.
WHAT IS OFTEN OVERLOOKED? Time is most often overlooked. (Parents) don’t allow enough time. They don’t allow for the family to be involved and be there. You have to allow time for the photographs no matter the event. You’re spending money on the clothes, accessories and items. What shows the entertainment, clothes and food? The photography. In terms of dollars spent, (photography) is usually what (people) spend the least on.
28 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
WHAT TRENDS ARE YOU SEEING? I don’t follow trends. To me, what is important in good event photography is capturing the people, posing them and lighting them in a way that they look their best, bringing out the emotion and excitement of the moment. To me, that is what is trendy. I don’t follow current trends – I want to photograph in a way a story is told. There are trends in terms of the way albums are made, but I won’t say that I’m going to take a photograph based on a trend. To me, classical elegance is something I try to do. It’s something as important today as it will be 20 years from now.
WHEN SHOULD PARENTS START PLANNING? I suggest parents shop and hire their photographer as soon as they get the date from the synagogue. As far as planning
the details, whether it’s for photography or something else, you don’t need to plan the details until you’re closer to the date. You should start by calling your photographer and see if they are even available at that time. You book your services as soon as you can. As far as planning out the details, go over those a week before. That way, it’s fresh in their mind and it’s also fresh in the photographer’s mind.
WHY IS PHOTOGRAPHY A CRITICAL ASPECT OF THE CELEBRATION? It’s all families have left afterwards. You get what you pay for, too. After everything is said and done, photographs are what is left. You want it to be representative of the emotions everyone was feeling that day – and making photography a priority can ensure that. BM
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Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 29
Amy Finkenthal
STATIONERY
AMY FINKENTHAL
CO-OWNER | NOTERIETY AT THE HAMPTONS | BEACHWOOD WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO GET RIGHT? Certainly, the meaning behind it. You need to make sure the child understands not just the theme of the party but the meaning of it as well – and then putting that warmth into the invitation wording. It’s not just about the party ambiance but the event itself. It’s one of the first things people see when they hear about the event, so it needs to convey the importance of everything.
WHAT DOES THE INVITATION SAY ABOUT THE BAR OR BAT MITZVAH? With the child, it speaks on where they are in life and their hobbies/ interests. The invitation should of course say the where, what and when kind of thing. It invites the family and friends to be at the party. To the people that are Jewish, they will all understand. There are different levels of religion – some want more of a religious connotation to it, others look at it as more formal or traditional. It varies.
WHAT IS OFTEN OVERLOOKED? I try to cross track with my clients so nothing is overlooked, but it really depends on the kid. Sometimes, the child may overlook the meaning
behind the event and focus on the party. It’s just the small things that can slip through the cracks.
WHAT TRENDS ARE YOU SEEING? People still like to touch and feel the invitations. There is such a huge variety of invitations out there, so you have a huge selection when it comes to design. Sometimes, customers come in and they think they want one thing, but it’s common for them to go through our books and want something else instead. Sometimes, the kids and parents don’t agree. So, it’s good to look at everyone’s interests and to do it together. Also, kids tend to have their own ideas of what they want and don’t want to hear from their parent about it. They do need a lot of guidance sometimes, and kids want to hear that from a professional.
Amy Finkenthal Amy Finkenthal
Amy Finkenthal
WHEN SHOULD PARENTS START PLANNING? I would say at least six months before. Usually, someone is not here just one time. The process can get a bit overwhelming. You can always narrow it down and then come back later. It’s definitely a process, and it helps to continually check in with us regarding how the invitation is coming along.
30 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
ON WHAT SHOULD PARENTS FOCUS? Invitations are the first thing guests see. It sets the theme for the whole entire weekend. It lets
the guests know if they are doing more formal or not. A good invitation does its job by setting the mood. BM
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Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 31
SYNAGOGUE
Harvey Kreiger
RABBI JOSH BROWN
RABBI | TEMPLE ISRAEL AKRON | AKRON WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO GET RIGHT? The most important thing is the feeling that the child and the family is being embraced by their community in that pivotal moment of the child’s life.
HOW CAN A FAMILY MAKE THE CEREMONY PERSONALIZED? I think that happens with the way each kid puts their personality into it. We help kids put their personality in the service – something they do with the Torah. Sometimes, I work with a kid to bring their special talent to the service or offer a blessing in their own words. Some kids are musically talented, so they sing a prayer in a certain way. I’ve had kids write an introduction to a prayer in their own philosophy. It shows that every service is unique to each kid’s personality and it helps us honor them. You come to the service and you know that child better as they become an adult.
WHAT IS OFTEN OVERLOOKED? I think what is often overlooked is personal power. We underestimate the power of a young adult embracing our traditions in such a serious and usually thoughtful way. They put a ton of work into it and they usually do a terrific job. I think, to honor the dedication they have had at such a young age and at a time they are entering adolescence, they’ve made such a commitment. I think sometimes we don’t humble ourselves enough in the face of all of the work the child has done to prepare. We take it for granted.
WHAT TRENDS ARE YOU SEEING? There is a trend to include more family members. There is an increasing comfort among family members that might not have grown up Jewish or are not Jewish at all. There is a trend of these members participating in some way and them sharing that pride of the kid becoming a bar or bat mitzvah. That helps personalize it,
32 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
(Parents) should start planning, in all honesty, when they have a kid. Rabbi Josh Brown Temple Israel Akron too, because of the diversity within each family. Kids are also feeling more comfortable in speaking out about issues. They are more engaged in politics, and there is a trend of kids wanting to speak about issues like LGBT equality and things like woman’s rights and #MeToo. Kids feel more comfortable jumping into those areas now.
elevated space in our community – to show them how much we cherish them. Setting makes a big difference, and the moment that the whole community celebrates, it reminds our kids that these are the ways we honor and cherish them and help them succeed.
ON WHAT SHOULD PARENTS FOCUS?
They should start planning, in all honesty, when they have a kid. I think the mitzvah is a stopping point along the way, so once they begin their journey, they should start thinking about it. Sometimes, we get too obsessed about scheduling and forget how it’s part of a larger journey. BM
Even though sometimes the celebrations can be an easy focal point for kids and parents alike, I think the ceremony helps build identity and confidence for our kids. When we bless our kids, we want it to be in a space that is the most
WHEN SHOULD PARENTS START PLANNING?
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Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 33
Elegance on Loan
PARTY PREPARATION
Elegance on Loan
Getting an early start and keeping track of the details are important to keep in mind when planning a party By Ed Carroll
A
bar or bat mitzvah is a special moment in the life of a young person, and while the ceremony is certainly the most important part, the party is definitely something the child will both look forward to and remember for years to come.
However, planning a party can be an involved and stressful process since keeping track of and nailing down all of the moving parts and details can be complicated. To help parents navigate the process and provide a less stressful party planning process, two local planners – Yitty Dessler from Elegance on Loan in Cleveland and Ginny Sukenik from Executive Caterers in Mayfield Heights – discussed how families can prepare to ensure everything runs smoothly.
GETTING STARTED The first questions Dessler gets about party planning revolve around what parents need to do to prepare. “First and foremost, you have to reserve your vendors, so that
you’re working with the people you want to work with,” she says. “(Vendors), too, get taken. As far as making the actual decisions, you have time until closer to the event. Obviously, no florist is going to order any flowers a year out, but a venue might get booked up that weekend.” Sukenik agrees that some things need to be planned for almost immediately, but others can be put off until about a year ahead of the big day. “Some things should be booked soon after the bar and bat (mitzvah) dates are given out by the synagogue, such as the venue and caterer, DJ or entertainment company and the photographer,” she says. “This is because these people can only do so many events in one day. Book early and the client will get
34 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
their first choices. Other items, (such as) theme and décor, invitations, etc., can be started a year out.” Both Sukenik and Dessler say that they will sit down with parents and discuss exactly what kind of a party they want to have for their child. For Sukenik, that involves asking how many people are on the guest list, whether the party will be held in the afternoon or the evening and roughly how much money they want to spend on the event. Dessler also sits down with families and discusses their desires. “Some people want a fun party, some people want a meaningful event in the synagogue,” Dessler says. “Obviously, it depends on who the client is and where the (bar or bat mitzvah) is. Doing something at Punch Bowl Social (in) downtown (Cleveland) is different from a bar mitzvah at Green Road (Synagogue) on Shabbat.”
DETAILS TO KNOW Planning any sort of party means keeping track of a lot of different things – the caterer, florist, baker, entertainment – but Sukenik says one of the benefits of having an event at a place like Landerhaven is that no detail is left out of the process. “We will help the family all the way with menu and food choices, while our fabulous design team can help implement the design and décor,” she says. “We are there to help the client make good choices while creating the client’s vision for this life cycle occasion. Your event planner at Landerhaven will know what the client wants to accomplish and take the stress off the clients shoulders so that the family can enjoy themselves.” Dessler says that in her experience, a few aspects of a party can get overlooked. “For bar mitzvahs, it’s the little details, honestly, that make a bar mitzvah special, and it’s
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Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 35
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remembering those little things that I think make the day special,” she says. “Different types of bar mitzvahs have different things that get overlooked, but I’m not sure there’s one universal thing I’ve come across.”
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FUN FOR
EVERYONE
Incorporating a unique activity can add an engaging element to your celebration that will benefit all involved
By Becky Raspe
A
s a parent in the Jewish community, you likely find yourself going to many b’nai mitzvah celebrations. After a while, the parties might grow a bit predictable. But when it comes to your chance to plan a celebration for your own child, unconventional party options are right at your fingertips in Northeast Ohio.
According to G.R. Rodenfels, general manager at Force Sports in Northfield, Eastlake, Westlake, Fairlawn and Dayton; Ryan Beam, owner of Pinot’s Palette in Woodmere; and Rick Morad, owner of Whirlyball in Bedford Heights, a unique activity can help keep all generations engaged at the party. “You want it to not only be a celebratory rite of passage but also a way for you to bond with your friends and family,” Beam says. “It’s a way for you to connect with each other, and everyone is really interested in the experience of things. Millennials would rather have experiences than material possessions – like wanting to travel the world instead of having objects.” Rodenfels agrees. “Look at the trends and what is going on,” he says. “In downtown Cleveland, so many unique places are opening up,
and people are just more open to activity-based social engagements.”
KEEP IT PERSONAL Beam says when planning b’nai mitzvah with an interesting twist, it’s important to consider the child’s interests as well as activities that can keep guests involved. At Pinot’s Palette, attendees have the chance to participate in painting experiences as a group. “We like to create a unique activity that allows you to take something with you and remember the event forever,” Beam says. “As opposed to a one-time memory that you leave at the event, it’s something personal that you created.” Morad said unique activities keep the party experience fresh. At Whirlyball parties, guests of all ages can play together, making for an interesting party dynamic.
38 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
“It’s not the same old thing,” he says. “It’s not dinner and music, it’s more personal participation by people who are there – and that makes the experience more fun. “(Whirlyball) is a very viewable sport as well. There are 80-foot windows in each court and people get glued to it like they’re watching TV. You’re not just sitting with the same people all evening. Everyone is moving around and having fun.” Personalization can come at more informal venues, too. Rodenfels said at Force Sports, children and their guests can explore different sports throughout the event or have their party focus on a singular interest. “What is unique about our locations is that they’re wide-open spaces, so you can transform (your space) and do whatever you want with it,” he says. “There are many venues like that, but
people are shying away from the typical party center. When you go to an activity-based party, it becomes more informal – and people like that better.”
ENGAGING MOMENTS Another benefit to featuring unique activities at b’nai mitzvah parties is that guests will spend more time engaged with each other, creating special memories. “It helps bring families closer together to have these types of joint experiences,” Beam says. “Especially when they revolve around a shared interest. Nurturing that amongst families helps create a stronger bond within them. You’re promoting interests for the children and helping develop everyone’s creative side.” For more physical activities like what Force Sports and Whirlyball offer, Rodenfels says non-traditional parties tend to be more engaging.
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Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 39
Whirlyball “The adults have more fun than the kids sometimes,” he says. “I think it’s more engaging, at the end of the day, because it’s out of the typical mold.” Morad adds, “First and foremost, (Whirlyball) is a lot of fun, which is really important at parties. It’s very playable by everyone, which allows more people to be involved.”
YOUR CHILD’S INPUT When planning a party that revolves around a unique activity, all three professionals stressed the importance of including the
child in the decision-making process since the party is celebrating his or her rite of passage. “Though guidance doesn’t hurt, it’s important to get the kid’s opinions about what they want to see at a party,” Morad says. “It’s their day but you also want to do something parents would enjoy, too.” Rodenfels adds, “It’s definitely the parents’ day as well as the kid’s day. It’s a family party ... but when it comes to the activity, the child should have a say. If the parent selects games and it’s not what the child wants, you want
Force Sports to avoid that and include them in the selection process.”
BE FLEXIBLE, PREPARED As is the case with any party, Beam, Morad and Rodenfels suggest families be prepared and remain flexible when it comes to their unique activities because plans can change on a moment’s notice. “When a family can come in and have a set idea of what they want, they should stick to that plan and idea, though of course there may be changes along the way,” Rodenfels says. “Having a
vision and sticking to it will help you work with every other aspect as you build the party around the unique activity.” Beam says it’s important to remember who is attending the event and to pick an activity that is flexible enough for everyone to have fun. “Whether it be due to physical restraints or otherwise, you want a broad appeal to guests and then also that personal appeal,” he says. “You also want to plan far out in advance. The more complex and unique an event is, the more time you want to prepare for it.” BM
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40 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
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FROM OUR
In the lifetime of a Jewish family there is so much to celebrate. Whether you are a young adult becoming a Bar or Bat Mitzvah, a couple preparing for marriage, a family with small children looking ahead to religious school, or an adult wanting to renew or build a connection to a synagogue community, The Temple provides that special place. Become a part of The Temple family and celebrate with us.
WE WILL HELP
For information, contact Allison Shippy, Director of Member Services at 216.455.1703 or ashippy@ttti.org.
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Private Event Director: Michael Levick
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Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 41
SPECIAL SETTINGS
Northeast Ohio is home to many exciting party-hosting locations, including some high-profile places that may not immediately spring to mind for a simcha By Ed Carroll
Cleveland Metroparks
C
ommon advice for preparing a bar or bat mitzvah party is similar to advice for buying real estate: Location is everything. And luckily for parents planning these parties, Northeast Ohio is home to a number of venues wellsuited to host a simcha, each with their own unique offerings and charms. Representatives from the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, the Cleveland Metroparks Zoo and Hawken School offer insight into what makes their venues great locations for hosting upcoming celebrations.
PARTY ANIMALS When thinking about fun places to spend a day with family, the Cleveland Metroparks Zoo likely comes to mind – but it might not be top of mind when considering where to host a party. That’s a mistake, says Kelly Manderfield, chief marketing officer at the Cleveland Metroparks, which in 2015 opened Stillwater Place, a dedicated event/rental venue. “Unforgettable events happen at unique locations,” says Manderfield, noting Stillwater Place’s location in the heart of the zoo means it’s surrounded by more than 3,000 animals. “We have a new state-of-the-art ballroom, with a wood dance
floor, a fireplace, great (audio/ visual) capabilities and a balcony with a great view.” Families can also opt for add-on experiences at their parties, like having small animals brought up to interact with the guests, such as a barn owl, chinchilla or snake, or have their guests hand-feed giraffes at Stillwater Place’s giraffe feeding dock, she says. Beyond the zoo, the Cleveland Metroparks also has more than 75 other venues throughout its park district that are available for rental, such as Sleepy Hollow, a golf course in Brecksville, and Merwin’s Wharf, a restaurant on the East Bank of the Flats in downtown Cleveland. Cleveland Metroparks can also work with families to meet entertainment needs for a party, Manderfield says. “We have full-service party planners that will work with you on every detail and really help you plan the event,” she says.
42 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
Cleveland Metroparks
Hawken School barbatmagazine.com
Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
surprised to find out what the Hawken campuses have to offer. “I think most people are just like, ‘Wow, I didn’t realize how great this property was,’”Walter says.
TIME TO ROCK
AFTER-SCHOOL ACTIVITIES Hawken School is another venue that might not be first to come to mind when considering where to host a bar or bat mitzvah, but Gina Walter, director of strategic marketing at Hawken, says the school has three campuses – in Lyndhurst, Bainbridge Township and Cleveland’s University Circle neighborhood – that can be used for hosting events. “Regarding our Lyndhurst and (Bainbridge) campuses, and specifically our (Bainbridge) campus, is they’re just on a beautiful, large-acreage property,” Walter says. “So, there’s a lot of natural elements and outdoor, beautiful scenery that you’re surrounded by at any of those facilities. That certainly makes it very unique, welcoming and inviting.” She says the school’s other venue, located at the Sally and Bob
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Gries Center on Magnolia Drive, puts attendees in the heart of University Circle. “(You’re) connected to all of the surrounding museums and hospitals, and it’s in a beautiful area of Cleveland,” she says. Walter says deciding which of the three campuses to use depends on the type of party being planned. “We have a variety of rooms and settings,” Walter says. “We’ve hosted hundreds of people throughout our main academic building and converted that into a space before and had dinners and tables brought in, and we can host small, intimate groups as well. Our space is good for parties, meetings, all different needs.” She says when people contact her to ask about booking the spaces, they are often
The sales pitch for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum in downtown Cleveland is simple for Mike Detling, manager of sales at the Rock Hall. “It’s the only one in the world and it’s here in their backyard,” Detling says. “They’ve got access to seven floors, 160,000 square feet and over 30,000 artifacts on display.” A party at the Rock Hall goes beyond just having the histories of rock ‘n’ roll’s greatest artists serving as a backdrop. Detling says for private events, the Rock Hall can offer gallery talks for their featured galleries and have docents on site for 20- to 30-minute blocks to give talks on the history of a gallery, answer questions and give behind-the-scenes information guests wouldn’t get from simply visiting the Rock Hall. Despite being a hall of fame for legendary entertainers, Detling says he’s often asked about what the Rock Hall can accommodate for entertainment at parties.
“Obviously, everything depends on budget, but we do a lot of kid-friendly options, like magicians, balloon artists, caricature artists and things like that, to fire breathers on the exterior plaza, stilt walkers inside and outside the building, all the way to a fireworks show behind the building at the end of the night,” he says. The Rock Hall will work with clients to get an idea of what their needs are and determine how to meet those needs. Detling also says the Rock Hall has an in-house caterer and usually encourages clients to use them for their catering needs, but their kitchen is not kosher. If a client requires kosher food, Detling says the Rock Hall is happy to work with them to bring in outside food. And the museum’s unique architecture allows for clients to have separate dining stations for adults and children, if desired. “We’ve got more than enough spaces and levels that we can do a high-end plated dinner for adults in one spot of the museum, maybe with a cocktail hour, and then do a kid-friendly area in the atrium with games and kid-friendly fare, like a macand-cheese bar.” BM
Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 43
Heidi’s This N That displays its Cleveland jewelry, fidget spinners and keychains.
GIFTGIVING
GUIDANCE
From gifts for those who have everything to inexpensive-yetunique selections, options abound By Jacob Cramer
P
leasing 13-year-olds with perfect gifts for their b’nai mitzvah can be tricky. Finding the right tokens of appreciation for out-of-town attendees can be even more challenging, especially when weighing expenses of the occasion. As such, local shops offer options for when the Jewish milestone rolls around. Heidi Schupp, owner of Heidi’s This N That in Mayfield Heights, says fun and inexpensive gifts are a great route to take when scouring shelves for something that will positively contrib-
ute to b’nai mitzvah memories. “I know when my kids were doing the whole bar mitzvah thing, there were so many that you wouldn’t want to spend a ton of money on everybody,”
Keychains are among the gifts available at Heidi’s This N That. 44 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
says Schupp. “I’m one of those people that doesn’t like to just give people a gift card or cash, so I have little bracelets that are $20, I have really cute keychains, clothes – just something cool and different that you can give someone as a gift because all they get is cash and gift cards.” For a small bar or bat mitzvah gift, Schupp’s store offers luggage tags, luxury soaps, purses and jewelry that she finds and puts in her store if she thinks it’s something inexpensive and unique that she would want for herself. “Most of my stuff is $10 to $20,” she says. “Especially when you’re talking about bar and bat mitzvahs, families can embrace spending less because there’s so many. With my kids, when they were that age, I always had them buy something little for whomever, but you don’t want to go crazy because you’ll go broke.” Rita Sachs, who co-owns Mulholland and Sachs in Woodmere with her daughter, Anne Mulholland Sachs, recommends functional gifts for the event. “The comment I hear more every week of the year is, ‘I want a gift for a person who has everything.’ Find something useable, something that’s not going to go in the closet or the drawer. Think about whether this person might really use this.” Sachs says popular genderneutral options her store carries include pillows, cork circles and acrylic trays that can be placed on a dresser. These gifts can be personalized with an initial or the date of the special day. “You could even do a picture frame with their engraved event, and even though a lot of these kids don’t print pictures, chances are someone in the family is going to print a picture from that day, and they’ll have it on their bureau forever,” says Sachs. “We usually tell people to make the gift personal, so you can do names or initials or something so that it’s a keeper. I think that many years later, it’s always nice to have something and look back and say, ‘Oh, I got that for my bat mitzvah!’”
Top: Mulholland & Sachs sells a necklace with the moon’s cycle based on a special date. Above: This love letter necklace spins with an engraved letter on one side and a crystal initial on the other is one of the jewelry options offered from Mulholland & Sachs. To thank guests who have traveled to celebrate, Sachs suggests finding something simple. “For the guests coming in from out of town, there’s all manner of small, sweet sweets,” she says. “We carry candies from a little company in California called Sugarfina, and you could put that in everybody’s hotel room. There’s always seasonal, small items.” Beyond all else, Schupp encourages finding a gift that will make the teen happy on their big day. “I don’t like to just give a gift,” she says. “I pick stuff that I hope is going to make someone smile and make their day a little brighter, so when I’m giving a gift, I find something just right for the person to make them smile or to brighten their day.” BM
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Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 45
MANAGING MITZVAH MONEY
Sulecki
Local experts suggest saving most of it and spending a little Ullmo
By Amanda Koehn
A
fter the excitement following the big day settles down, many b’nai mitzvah boys and girls and their families get to decide how to use gift money responsibly. Fortunately, local bank representatives – Kevin Sulecki, vice president and branch manager of the Cedar Center Branch of Ohio Savings Bank in South Euclid, and Heathyr Ullmo, senior commercial banking officer and assistant vice president at Geauga Savings Bank – have tips for the best ways to maximize both the benefits of saving and spending.
SPLIT SAVING, SPENDING Sulecki advises parents and children decide together how to portion out bar or bat mitzvah money. He says he typically suggests the child be allowed to spend 10 to 15 percent – or, if it seems meaningful, 18 (chai) percent – and save the rest. To make that deal more appealing, kids can save a portion of the money for something fun they want in the near future, teaching them the value of saving for the biggest reward, he says. “They can maybe spend a little bit of money, they could save a
little bit of money for future things, or they could maybe have a goal of trying to save for something over the next year or six months,” Sulecki says. Ullmo, who’s based at Geauga Savings Bank’s Beachwood branch, suggests portioning out gift money into five equal parts. One part can be spent on something the kid wants, three parts saved and one part spent on a good cause – possibly the same organization where they volunteered for their mitzvah project. “That fifth part is then giving of themselves,” she says. “They will then donate to that organization as well, and it could be an organization they continue to grow with as they get older, but it’s something that means something to them.”
BEST ACCOUNT TYPES Sulecki suggests families consider opening a kid’s account at his bank, which is free and can be started with $1. The child can make deposits and it’s in their name rather than their parents’ name.
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“What’s nice about the kids’ account is it just gives them a sense of pride. When they open an account, they learn how to use money (and) the value of money,” he says. “It gives them an understanding of the ramifications of saving money.” He also suggests families consider investing in the Gift of Israel program. The Jewish Education Center of Cleveland and Ohio Savings Bank partnered, along with the Jewish Federation of Cleveland and local participating religious schools, to provide a savings plan for students with the incentive for families to put money toward an educational experience in Israel. Families put funds into an account (beginning any time between pre-kindergarten and 10th grade) and the Federation and religious schools contribute as well. The Federation will also put in an additional $300 in the account the year the child has a bar or bat mitzvah. Ullmo says parents and kids should discuss what type of account they feel comfortable putting their money in, but says a savings account is a good bet if they want to save for something like a car and need to access the money within a few years. A
Certificate of Deposit or another account type could be a good idea if they want to save the money for longer and grow interest but will not need to access it for a set period of time. “There is no amount that is too small to save,” she says.
FORMING GOOD HABITS Sulecki says since having a bar or bat mitzvah signifies taking responsibility over one’s life and growing up, it’s also a good time to discuss responsibility surrounding money and how to make good decisions. “I think it’s very, very important to have that collaboration between the parents and the child,” he says. Moreover, since both children and parents bear some responsibility over the money until the child turns 18, it’s good for both parties to get on the same page about what it will be used for. Thus, Ullmo says neither should make decisions about it on their own. “I think it is probably a good idea to have a conversation between the two of them,” she says. “It’s not the parents’ money, (it’s) the kid’s money … but the conversation goes back to ‘What do you want to do with it?’” BM
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Bar•Bat
Mitzvah
Spring 2018
CONTENTS
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The Cleveland Jewish News
Mitzvah Bar•Bat
BARBATMAGAZINE.COM
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SSPRING PRING 2018
Coming of age Sacred and spiritual, b’nai mitzvah mark meaningful circle-of-life moments for Northeast Ohio families
On the cover: Max Page applies tefillin on his birthday, March 12, at Solon Chabad in Solon. His formal bar mitzvah celebration was held later in the week on March 17. Photo courtesy of Gena Page Photography.
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Center of attention
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Editor Michael C. Butz speculates which Cleveland professional athletes might make the best “Bar Mitzvah Man” for Northeast Ohio
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Looking Back
B’nai mitzvah bonds Local temples and synagogues build strong connections between young congregants and other members by pairing them for bar and bat mitzvah studies
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Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
Ask A Pro
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Planning tips from Northeast Ohio professionals about catering, stationery, floral, entertainment, photography and synagogues
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Northeast Ohioans recall their bar or bat mitzvah – and the preparation that led up to the big day
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Northeast Ohio is home to many exciting party-hosting locations, including some high-profile places that may not immediately spring to mind for a simcha
Party preparation Getting an early start and keeping track of the details are important to keep in mind when planning a party
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Gift-giving guidance From gifts for those who have everything to inexpensive-yet-unique selections, options abound
Fun for everyone Incorporating a unique activity can add an engaging element to your celebration that will benefit all involved
Special settings
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Managing mitzvah money Local experts suggest saving most of it and spending a little
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iven that Cleveland is Cavaliers country, it’s unlikely that a story about New York Knicks reserve center Kyle O’Quinn reported late last year caught the attention of many in Northeast Ohio. The story, it could be said, was about his improved play this season — though not on the basketball court. Instead, O’Quinn’s noteworthy performances have taken place at entertainment centers as, shall we say, the Big Apple’s b’nai mitzvah MVP. The 6-foot-10, 250-pound Queens native is one of the bigger comedians in the Knicks’ locker room – a quality that undoubtedly helps him headline parties for 13-year-olds, as reported by ESPN in December. O’Quinn spends much of his time at the celebrations socializing, dancing, joking with families and taking selfies with attendees. “The parties are crazy. I did one, did two, and the next thing you know, I was just Bar Mitzvah Man,” he told ESPN. “A lot of times, I go and I stay longer than I’m supposed to because it’s so much fun.” I can’t help but wonder who among Cleveland’s professional athletes would make a good “Bar Mitzvah Man.” Perhaps Cavs small forward Cedi Osman, whose on-court hustle often provides the Wine and Gold a spark – just as it might also provide a spark for a party full of teenagers. Or maybe Indians All-Star shortstop Francisco Lindor, whose love of the game and zest for life are plain to see – and likely make him the life of most any party.
There’s always all-pro offensive lineman Joe Thomas, who’s considered an all-around good guy by the Browns who’ve played alongside him – and whose weekends are presumably free for the foreseeable future thanks to his recent retirement. In the event none of those athletes attend your child’s bar or bat mitzvah, fear not. In this issue of Bar•Bat Mitzvah, we have plenty to help you plan your celebration, from suggestions for engaging activities and interesting locations for your party to advice from local experts about planning, photography, entertainment, catering and more. We also visit with the Neumann family of Olmsted Falls to learn how a b’nai mitzvah tutoring program that started 24 years ago at Beth Israel-The West Temple continues to positively impact temple members, and for that same story, we ask local rabbis how similar programs are working for their congregations. So, regardless of whether an NBA center attends your child’s party, there’s plenty in this issue to help ensure his or her studies take center stage and to help your child feel like the center of attention.
Editor Michael C. Butz mbutz@cjn.org Designer Lillian Messner CJN Managing Editor Bob Jacob Controller Tracy DiDomenico Digital Marketing Manager Rebecca Fellenbaum Events Manager Gina Lloyd Editorial Ed Carroll Amanda Koehn Becky Raspe Alyssa Schmitt Custom Publishing Manager Paul Bram Sales & Marketing Manager Andy Isaacs Advertising Marcia Bakst Marilyn Evans Ron Greenbaum Adam Jacob Nell V. Kirman Sherry Tilson Design Manager Stephen Valentine Design Jessica Simon Digital Content Producer Abbie Murphy Business & Circulation Diane Adams Tammie Crawford Abby Royer Yoda Newton Editorial Intern Jacob Cramer Subscriber Services 216-342-5185/circulation@cjn.org Display Advertising 216-342-5191 adsales@cjn.org
VOL. 142 NO. 15
Speaking of athletes joining the party, revisit Jewish Federation of Cleveland President Stephen H. Hoffman’s 1963 bar mitzvah, which involved a visit from NBA hall-of-famer Wilt Chamberlain, by checking out the Looking Back section of barbatmagazine.com.
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CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS (ISSN-00098825) is published weekly with additional issues in January, March, May, June, August, October, November and December by The Cleveland Jewish Publication Company at 23880 Commerce Park, Suite 1, Cleveland, OH 44122-5380. Single copy $1.25. Periodicals Postage paid at Cleveland, OH., and additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER and additional mailing offices. Send address changes to the Cleveland Jewish News, 23880 Commerce Park, Suite 1, Cleveland, barbatmagazine.com OH 44122-5380
LOOKING BACK
Well-known Northeast Ohioans remember their bar or bat mitzvah
Edward H. Kraus
Edward H. Kraus Edward H. Kraus, center, poses with friends at the party following his bar mitzvah, which took place in Congregation Beth Am’s party room.
EDWARD H. KRAUS Mayor, City of Solon Edward H. Kraus with his father, Bill, at his bar mitzvah in November 1973.
By Amanda Koehn
W
hen Solon Mayor Edward H. Kraus thinks about his bar mitzvah in November 1973, he remembers the intense preparations that made him “extremely nervous.” He says the evening before, he couldn’t stop thinking about having to chant his haftorah in front of so many people, which led to him rehearsing it over and over in his head.
While nerves are common for any bar or bat mitzvah student, Kraus said the studiousness and intellect of the congregants at his synagogue, the former Congregation Beth Am in Cleveland Heights (which merged with B’nai Jeshurun Congregation in Pepper Pike in
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1999), and its late Rabbi Michael Hecht and Cantor Martin Leubitz, added another level of pressure. “Everything with Beth Am, you had to be on your A-game at all times,” says Kraus, who was 13 at the time and lived in University Heights. “There was a lot of pres-
Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
sure to do it perfect, or else they would correct you while you were up there – like if you missed a vowel or a pronunciation.” However, the hours of rehearsal were worth it. Kraus completed the service without missteps – in front of many congregants on Shabbat – and made his family proud. “I wanted to make sure I was proud of myself, but also that my parents were proud of me,” he says. “I had all my grandparents there, who were from Europe and were all devoutly religious. It was really important to them that I really put in the effort.” While Kraus says the festivities that followed in the synagogue’s party room were fun and even a little “wild” for the kids, the focus was his parents. He only invited a few friends because his parents had invited so many of their own, and he remembers his mother wore a beautiful gown and had planned everything. “I remember my parents kind of said, ‘Hey you can have your own party, but the night of the bar mitzvah will be more for adults,”’ he says. “I remember they told me that and I said ‘fine.’” Kraus, in his brown bowtie and fitted brown suit, simply enjoyed
the fleeting night, which revolved around listening to his parents, sisters and grandfather give speeches. The real celebration for him came later that week, when he and two friends who had been bar mitzvahed around the same time held a hayride party on a farm for their friends. While he says going through the bar mitzvah process didn’t have a drastic impact on his Jewish life, years later when he went to Israel on a high school group trip, those connections came around. “Probably the single greatest factor that changed my life was that trip,” he says. “It made me realize the importance of Israel, of our faith, and when I got married, I wanted my kids to go to Israel and experience the same.” While Kraus was proud to see his children – Rachel, Hannah and Jacob – train for their b’nai mitzvah decades after his own experience, he says, “I was thrilled that they were doing it instead of me.” “It definitely brought back memories. All three of them worked really hard, and all three of them took it really seriously,” he says. “I was proud of that, that they really wanted to do the best they could.” BM
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Jill Helfman
Jill Helfman Helfman, at top right, joins friends for a 1950s-style bat mitzvah party in 1975.
JILL HELFMAN Co-partner-in-charge, Cleveland office of Taft Stettinius & Hollister LLP Jill Helfman, at left, with her sister Amie and brother Bruce at her bat mitzvah.
By Amanda Koehn
W
hen Jill Helfman reflects on her Feb. 28, 1975 bat mitzvah, a few separate events come to mind. First, there was the actual service on a Friday evening at Beth El Congregation in Akron, followed by her family-oriented bat mitzvah party the next day, and a brunch that Sunday. Then, in June of that year, Helfman and her Jewish female peers jointly celebrated their coming of age at their own 1950s-themed party that reflected the interests of their social circle better than the parties their parents threw them. For the party, the girls wrote invitations on records, hand-delivering them to each guest, and boys and girls wore outfits to fit the theme. That party was a welcome event after the preparation and learning involved in the religious ceremony. Helfman, however, was well prepared thanks to her synagogue’s ritual director, Rev. Phillip Salzman. “He was there on the bimah with us to make sure we did well,” says Helfman, who’s now
co-partner-in-charge at the Cleveland office of Taft Stettinius & Hollister LLP. “I don’t remember being all that nervous of that because I was so prepared.” The 13-year-old Helfman wore a white robe for the service, and just about all the other Jewish
seventh graders she knew, from the three Akron-area schools and synagogues, attended. “Back then, we weren’t over scheduled with weekend sports and other extracurricular events, so that’s how we spent our Friday nights and Saturday mornings,” she says, adding, however, that only her closest friends attended her family party the next day since they had planned the separate ‘50s-themed celebration. For the family-oriented party in her family’s backyard, the girls and women wore long dresses. They had a catered dinner, a tent, a band, dancing and, of course, Helfman received a gift – a calculator that four members of her mother’s mahjong group went in on. As calculators were novel at the time, Helfman says it was quite expensive and she wasn’t allowed to take it out of the home.
Jill Helfman
Helfman Helfman is joined by her father, David Friedman, at her bat mitzvah Jill brunch.
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After her bat mitzvah and the series of events that followed, Helfman says she remained active in Jewish life through United Synagogue Youth, the Conservative youth movement. Also, later in life, once Helfman met her future husband, Brad Helfman, they found that they both had their b’nai mitzvah at synagogues called Beth El. (Her husband’s synagogue was in Buffalo, N.Y., where he grew up.) “We used to say that he belonged to the franchise,” she says. Having seen her three children, Jared, Lindsey and Justin, go through the b’nai mitzvah process, Helfman says she sees a clear distinction between the parent-organized parties following the service when she was 13, and the kid-oriented bashes that occur today. Today’s parties resemble her ‘50s party more than anything. “What I remember being so different about the celebration part is the parties are so much larger now and include such a great number of children in addition to family and friends,” says Helfman, who now belongs to Park Synagogue in Cleveland Heights and Pepper Pike. “And the parties tend to cater to the kids as opposed to the more sophisticated (parties) I think we had when we were younger.” BM
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Andy Baskin
ANDY BASKIN Mid-day host, WKRK-FM 92.3 The Fan
Andy Baskin Baskin is joined by his parents, Shirley and Allan.
Andy Baskin on the day of his bar mitzvah in 1980.
By Amanda Koehn
T
o say Andy Baskin’s bar mitzvah made him nervous is a gross understatement. After getting kicked out of Hebrew school at Heights Jewish Center Synagogue in Cleveland Heights for being a “horrible” student, it fell on his older brother, Bruce, to prepare him in their Cleveland Heights home for a day of which he was “scared to death.” “We would go in the basement and we would scream at each other about how bad I was at Hebrew,” Baskin says. Some of Baskin’s trouble came from the fact that he didn’t belong to a synagogue at the time. His bar mitzvah ceremony ended up being held at an Orthodox synagogue – thus having some of the most rigid training – because his family was friends with the rabbi. “I was kind of a Reform kid that was thrown in an Orthodox world,” Baskin says. Luckily, Bruce was 9 years older than the 13-year-old Andy and had taught at the Hebrew school at the former Congregation Brith Emeth, which was in Pepper Pike and was later acquired by Park Synagogue. On Nov. 29, 1980, the younger Baskin finally had his moment of truth at the bimah.
“I’ve never been more scared to talk to a group of people than when I was 13-years-old standing on that bimah,” he says. Ultimately the service “turned out OK, once I got moving,” he recalls, and he managed not to be too bothered by the better Torah-educated boys sitting in the front correcting him during it. Afterward, Baskin had a luncheon with his family at Landerhaven. Although he wanted a big party like his older brother had years before, his family was so nervous the younger Baskin wouldn’t make it through the training, that they decided to keep it small. Bruce died 13 years ago, and to this day, Baskin credits his bar mitzvah to him. He always looked up to Bruce and cites that he wanted to wear the same baseball number as he did in high school.
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Andy Baskin Bruce Baskin, at left, embraces his younger brother at his bar mitzvah. “He was my big brother and if I wouldn’t have done it, I think he would have just kicked my butt,” he says of the bar mitzvah. Now, Baskin’s two children, Brynn, 12, and Blake, 10, are being raised in an interfaith home (Jewish and Methodist). His daughter has connected to Methodist teachings, like his wife, Cassy, while it remains to be seen whether his son will go through the bar mitzvah process. Baskin wants him to have a choice. Baskin says he’s jealous of the learning environments at Hebrew schools today. However, his struggle that day inadvertently prepared him for his career in sports media.
“I’ve done commencement speeches and I’ve talked in front of hundreds of thousands of people in what I do, and I’ve never been more nervous than I was for my bar mitzvah,” he says. “The one thing about bar mitzvahs that no one thinks about is, I don’t know of many cultures that throw a 13-yearold out there and say, ‘OK, speak in front of a mass.’ And I think it helps you become a public speaker.” Baskin says in the long run, the experience taught him about what it means to work for something you want. “I wasn’t prepared, and it taught me to be prepared,” he says. BM
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Clifford Norton
Clifford Norton Axner with her grandparents, Harold and Esther Katzel, who influenced her to become more observant, in September 1978.
MINDI AXNER Executive director, National Council of Jewish Women/Cleveland Mindi Axner, center, with her brother Craig, mother Tobie Kogan, father Alan Kogan and sister Dana at her bat mitzvah in September 1978.
By Amanda Koehn
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or Mindi Axner, her bat mitzvah was not an obligatory event that was built up her entire life, as it is for some Jewish children, but something she chose to do of her own volition. She says although her family attended a Reform synagogue,
the now-closed Brith Emeth Congregation in Pepper Pike, she was inspired by her maternal grandparents, who were Modern Orthodox. “I remember wanting my grandfather to sit up on the bimah with me,” she says of the day. Thus, on Sept. 8, 1978, after much preparation, the day finally came for the young Axner, who was 12 at the time. She remembers going through the service, where her only mistake was flipping two words around in
Elizabeth Glorioso Axner, at left, with her twins, Emily and Sam, and husband Michael Axner at the children’s b’nai mitzvah in August 2015. 14 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
a prayer. She just kept going though, she says. “Still, all these years later, whenever I’m in synagogue and we come to the prayer and I read it, I’m still conscious that that was the one mistake I had made,” she says, adding that she now attends Park Synagogue in Cleveland Heights and Pepper Pike. Axner also remembers how much she loved her rabbi, the late Rabbi Philip Horowitz, and how it was exciting to read from the Torah for the first time. Her bat mitzvah party, which was small by today’s standards, took place in her backyard the following Sunday, when friends and family danced to live music. Moreover, Axner was the first grandchild of her beloved grandparents, Esther and Harold Katzel, to have a bat or bar mitzvah. Axner’s younger brother was bar mitzvahed afterward, and her younger sister was later bat mitzvahed at her own daughter’s naming ceremony about 18 years ago. “I think they were very proud to see me up there,” she says of her grandparents. Moreover, that special day was just the beginning of a life of endeavors in Judaism and the local Jewish community for Axner. “My bat mitzvah was the start of my Jewish journey,” she says.
“After that, I attended a year of @akiva during high school and started keeping kosher in our house, which evolved over the years to keeping kosher out of the house, too.” Her close relationship with her grandparents also inspired her to focus more on Jewish holiday observance and to further develop her interest in learning, she adds. The local Jewish community continued to draw in Axner. She says after living away from Cleveland for several years, she returned to work at Montefiore and Jewish Family Service Association. Then, after a gap in working in the Jewish nonprofit world, she missed it so much she eventually become executive director of National Council of Jewish Women/Cleveland. Axner’s twins, Emily and Sam, had their b’nai mitzvah about two and a half years ago at Park Synagogue, which allowed her to relive aspects of her own. She says since her children attended Gross Schechter Day School in Pepper Pike, they had a more sophisticated religious understanding at the young age and were actually able to chant from the Torah, rather than read – which made her proud. “It was much easier for them than it was for me,” she says. BM
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Michael C. Butz
Pete Copelan
B’NAI MITZVAH BONDS Rachel Neumann, left, and Robin Shapiro, both members at Beth Israel – The West Temple, share a couch with notepad and laptop in hand – as they often did when Shapiro tutored Rachel in the months leading up to her bat mitzvah.
Local temples and synagogues build strong connections between young congregants and other members by pairing them for bar and bat mitzvah studies By Alyssa Schmitt
B
eth Israel – The West Temple found itself in a bind nearly 24 years ago. It was in the process of a two-year search for a rabbi, which meant it didn’t have one for that duration. Like at many temples, the rabbi handled b’nai mitzvah preparations, and many young congregants were closing in on the age at which tutoring should begin. Rabbi Enid C. Lader, then the educational director, was tasked with reimagining the b’nai mitzvah process. What resulted was a mentorship program that bridged older congregants with those about to begin their b’nai mitzvah tutoring – a bridge still in use today, long after a rabbi was found, and well after Lader
was named rabbi in 2012 at the temple in Cleveland’s Kamm’s Corners neighborhood. Other area temples and synagogues – including Park Synagogue in Cleveland Heights and Pepper Pike and Temple Israel Ner Tamid in Mayfield Heights – have also adopted creative ways to connect their congregations.
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Whether born of necessity or simply seen as a way to enrich and enliven the b’nai mitzvah process, they’ve all resulted in stronger bonds within the Jewish community.
REIMAGINING TRADITION Back then, Lader was studying in the Cleveland Fellow Program,
which has since been absorbed into the Siegal Lifelong Learning program at Case Western Reserve University. One of her courses focused on Torah at the dining room table, a method that sought to bring family together over a shared connection. “I had thought about that. I read about a mentor program in
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Eisenberg
Michael C. Butz The b’nai mitzvah mentoring program at The West Temple was inspired by a course Rabbi Enid C. Lader once took that focused on Torah at the dining room table, which was meant to build connections. Rachel and Shapiro often did that as Shapiro tutored Rachel. a collection of bar/bat mitzvah strategies that was using members of the congregation,” she says. “I thought, ‘Well, we have a number of very learned members of our congregation whose children are grown (and) out of the house. They themselves are of retirement age or post-retirement age, but they still wanted to be connected to the congregation in meaningful ways.’” Lader approached older members of the congregation who gave d’var Torah at some point during the year or taught in the temple’s religious school and asked whether they would be willing to mentor younger members. Some were hesitant, Lader recalls, because they weren’t sure they could connect with young people, but they still said yes to helping the congregation. “They all had connections to Torah, so to speak, and they were
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all thoughtful, intelligent people,” she says. “They also were lovely about wanting to share what they knew or at least give it a try.” Older members couldn’t take on all of a rabbi’s role. Instead, it was broken up into different sections. Sosh Ault, the temple’s Hebrew coordinator, became the temple’s b’nai mitzvah tutor as far as Hebrew was concerned – and is still serving in the same role today. Lader was serving as the cantorial soloist, teaching the young congregants how to lead the service and work with the melodies of the service. Sarah Bedrossian has since taken on being the Torah and haftarah trope tutor.
A FAMILY’S PERSPECTIVE The mentors at Beth Israel have varied from a NASA scientist and a social worker to a high school chemistry
Lader
teacher and an actress. The wide range of mentors pairs well with an equally diverse group of students, making it possible for Lader to pair students and mentors based on similarities and shared interests. That was true for Rachel Neumann, 13, when she began her bat mitzvah tutoring in February 2017, though Lader didn’t make the mentor-student match for Rachel. Rachel is a bibliophile and researcher, and she wanted to learn the Torah in a new light that had not been possible before. Because the Neumann family is active in the congregation, Lader was familiar with Rachel’s qualities, and while mentors on reserve at the temple had been successful with other students, she felt they might not be as effective with Rachel. “When (Lader) spoke with us and started getting Rachel prepared, she’s like, ‘You guys are choosing the mentor, right?’” says Holly Neumann, Rachel’s mom. “I knew the people that would do it for the other kids weren’t the right fit for Rachel.” Holly Neumann turned to her friend, Robin Shapiro, who tutored about 10 students through her 11 years of mentorship. She’s a librarian at Westlake Porter Public Library in Westlake, and at home, she has shelves full of books, many of which Rachel took an interest in. “Every time (Rachel) left her mentoring session with Robin, she would walk away with two more books,” Holly Neumann says. “They would also talk about Jewish authors and books that teens could start to get into that might be about some heavier subjects in Jewish history, like the Holocaust.”
Skoff
Shapiro was raised at Beth Shalom Congregation, a Conservative synagogue in Elkin Park, Pa., where she cultivated her Jewish knowledge and learned how to read Hebrew. In the beginning months, when Shapiro and Rachel met for their tutoring session in Shapiro’s Avon Lake home, Shapiro kept her laptop handy for when Rachel wanted to dive deeper into her Torah section by finding art representation or articles concerning her Torah portion. “Rachel took a very intellectual approach, she has a lot of innate curiosity,” Shapiro says. When they drew nearer to Rachel’s bat mitzvah day, Oct. 14, 2017, Shapiro’s role changed from providing understanding of the Torah section to providing guidance for Rachel’s d’var Torah. The in-person tutoring sessions changed to email conversations, passing back the d’var Torah Rachel had written. The day of her bat mitzvah, Rachel chanted her Torah portion, made possible from her tutoring with Bedrossian, and Shapiro was given the honor of the aliyah, which she says she doesn’t always have the opportunity to do for her students. Since her tutoring sessions, Rachel has felt more knowledgeable when others around her would discuss the Torah. She’s even joined the temple’s weekly Torah study, where she is often the only teenager in attendance. “I got a whole new understanding of the Torah. It wasn’t sugar-coated, I was getting the real bare bones of our existence,” Rachel says. “I was learning how to read Torah, and that just excited me because I’ll be able to read just like everyone else.”
Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 17
Michael C. Butz Pete Copeland From left, Holly, Rachel, Becky and David Neumann at Rachel’s bat mitzvah on Oct. 14, 2017. Holly Neumann’s younger daughter, Becky, is now preparing for her own tutoring with a mentor, but she won’t follow the same path her older sister took. “While we love Rachel’s mentor and she’s my really dear friend, she would not be the right mentor for (Becky), so we’re considering something different” Holly Neumann says. “What’s so beneficial is that we have so many diverse people in the temple that you can find the right match up for your son or daughter that will click with them and enhance their whole experience.”
BENEFITS OF MENTORSHIP Mentors are taking on different forms throughout Greater Cleveland congregations, but the goal is still the same: to help foster a love of Judaism in a young adult. About 15 years ago, a grandmother wanted to tutor her grandchildren during their b’nai mitzvah studies, but the grandchildren’s synagogue didn’t allow tutors outside of its religious school’s faculty. However, the temple the grandmother belonged to, Temple Israel Ner Tamid, did. Her actions, Rabbi
I got a whole new understanding of the Torah. It wasn’t sugar-coated, I was getting the real bare bones of our existence. I was learning how to read Torah, and that just excited me because I’ll be able to read just like everyone else. Rachel Neumann, 13, discussing her Torah studies with Robin Shapiro Matthew Eisenberg says, started a tradition at his temple. “I told them our policy was to encourage the profound Jewish relationship between a grandparent and a grandchild,” he recalls. “Of course grandma can tutor the kids.” Request to have an outside tutor from the temple’s religious school are rare, Eisenberg says. When there is one, he will interview the possible tutor, who must be a member at the temple, to find out whether they’re competent and can properly teach the material. There’s a comfort level in selecting a relative or a family friend, which can encourage new thoughts the student might not have revealed to a religious
18 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
school teacher. But ultimately, Eisenberg says, “it does come down to the amount of work the student puts in.” A mentor can also become a permanent fixture in a young person’s life and help keep them connected to Judaism, an idea used at Park Synagogue by linking high school kids to younger members who are studying for their bar or bat mitzvah. While parents put the care of their children in the hands of the synagogue’s Hebrew school, the connection between a slightly older peer has been beneficial since the synagogue put it into practice about 20 years ago. “The high school kids are involved and become a visible presence along with the profes-
sionals,” Rabbi Joshua Skoff says. “These are peers that are closer to their age than their parents, and these are peers they can relate to socially, but these peers are also saying, ‘Hey, it’s time to study for your bar/bat mitzvah. That’s also a cool thing to do.’ It’s a big thrill for a younger kid to be taught by an older kid.” Skoff explained that the professionals at the synagogue have an easy time connecting with younger members, but it’s the added social bond with peers that can keep younger members connecting with each other and ultimately the synagogue. The added connection to other temple or synagouge members can make the congregations stronger while creating a bond that resonates with each member– something Lader has witnessed firsthand for more than two decades. “It’s like at the holidays, when we have a larger part of the congregation coming to services, people look out and they know each other,” she says. “I know that in many cases, people have remained friends as time has gone on.” BM
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CATERING
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ELIZABETH COUGHLIN
SOCIAL CATERING SALES MANAGER CLEVELAND MUSEUM OF ART | CLEVELAND WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO GET RIGHT? Doing something that is striking and kind of visually exciting is important. A lot of what we’ve seen are things that are more interactive and visually striking when it comes to food and set ups. When it comes down to it, the food is what people are going to remember and talk about. So, do something that is awe-inspiring. It’s not only the visual look, but also the taste. It’s really important to have food that looks like art and is interactive, but also tastes good.
HOW DOES THE FOOD IMPACT THE PARTY? I think food determines the fact if your guests stay for the duration or if they leave early. From the first course to the last, people really determine the ranking of the party based on what they ate and the different culinary offerings. In the market now, food has become kind of like a niche market. The list of food types gets longer every day, so it’s really important to keep up with the current flavor profile.
WHAT IS OFTEN OVERLOOKED? I think the display of the food. A lot of time goes into picking the menu itself and making sure there is an adequate amount of food, but from a design perspective, food often gets overlooked. It’s important for food to look just as good as it tastes.
WHAT TRENDS ARE YOU SEEING? We’re seeing more interactive food. We’re seeing food with movement. We have a woman we call “The Cake Lady,” and she displays food on her clothes and gives it movement. You can also make food part of your event. I’ve done a couple events where people schedule entertainment around their courses. It’s about tying that together – and with each course, you move to a different level of entertainment. Plated dinners also have a heavy hand but formal cocktail receptions are becoming increasingly popular. This gives guests the opportunity to interact with their food but also with other guests.
22 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
Cleveland Museum of Art Lemon cheesecake with blueberries That also really goes along with what is happening in society – you take the grab-and-go concept and elevate it to a party. You’re mixing and matching and mingling – and that goes well with modern parties.
WHEN SHOULD PARENTS START PLANNING? We recommend booking the venue and caterer a year out. As far as the planning goes, this can start about four to six months out. At that point, you can keep up with the trends and seasonality of food. Planning within the six-month window tends to be the best fit.
ON WHAT SHOULD PARENTS FOCUS? At the end of the day, guests may not remember what the centerpieces were or the entertainment, but what will make a lasting impact on guests is the food. Whether it’s good or bad – that is what they remember and tell people about. It’s really important to create memories. (B’nai mitzvah) are events that are designed to create memories between the parent, child and their guests. Good food can help with that. BM
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Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 23
ENTERTAINMENT
Mariana Edelman
CHRIS HATALA
EVENT DIRECTOR | GAMES DONE LEGIT ENTERTAINMENT | CLEVELAND WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO GET RIGHT? The dance party has been a solid party fixture for quite a while. The way events are kind of trending is experiential entertainment. People want to stand out and be unique – they want to entertain themselves and do it through technology. The most important thing is just that – differentiating themselves. Tech is evolving so rapidly and we’re just starting to figure out how they can work in a party setting. That seems to be the No. 1 priority right now.
ON WHAT SHOULD PARENTS FOCUS? We’ve talked to a lot of parents and they said their b’nai mitzvah was very traditional. Basically, within a generation, that’s how fast entertainment has changed. I think because of where we are now, for whatever reason, it’s become less traditional. You want to give a fantastic impression to your guests but at the end of the day, it’s a party and people want to have fun. There are so many awesome new ways for people to have fun and let loose.
WHAT IS OFTEN OVERLOOKED? We, from the ground up, look at how we can build a party.
B’nai mitzvah can be built from a myriad of activities. There are so many options of what you could do, from the décor to lighting. Things are expanding right now in terms of what families want to do at these parties. They are very willing in having the kids have a big say in the parties. But what is most often overlooked is finding that balance in what the kid wants and what the parent is hoping to see. Parents are more willing now to have conversations with their children – they aren’t as hesitant, now, to expand their horizons on what a party can be.
WHAT TRENDS ARE YOU SEEING? Experimental entertainment is huge – and an inspiration from high-end corporate events. That trickles down and makes its way into b’nai mitzvah. It means more creative activities – cool stuff that you can do with a design element. The core idea of taking this really fun activity that is more nontraditional and dressing that up – it fits the scope of a traditional b’nai mitzvah. Tech is going to evolve in the next five years and I think that is also going to alter the entertainment business.
24 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
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Everyone wants their party to be special – you go to about 30 b’nai mitzvah a year, pretty much. Chris Hatala Games Done Legit Entertainment WHEN SHOULD PARENTS START PLANNING? It’s usually about a year out. That’s a good time to start working on it. We put together a bar and bat mitzvah checklist because it’s a huge undertaking and a huge moment in these families’ lives. It’s something they will remember forever. I would also tell families that if they find something cool they want to do close to the date, don’t be afraid to pick up the phone. We want to make the family
happy and you don’t want any regrets.
HOW CAN ENTERTAINMENT SET A PARTY APART? I think it’s a goal for everyone. Everyone wants their party to be special – you go to about 30 b’nai mitzvah a year, pretty much. I definitely understand, and all of the big names in entertainment are conscious of the fact that families want to stand out. BM
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Paradise Flower Market
FLORAL AMANDA PARADISE
CO-OWNER | PARADISE FLOWER MARKET | WOODMERE WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO GET RIGHT? I think the biggest thing is to have a theme. There is always a theme. It’s something that is consistent with the theme and really in line with what the child wants. We’ve done some things that have had colored beads or cool things they put in the pieces or characters. It just needs to go with the individual and what they want and then in line with the theme itself.
HOW SHOULD FLOWERS BE UTILIZED AT THE PARTY? We do centerpieces – they are always fairly different. There is always a personal aspect. It corresponds similarly to a wedding. They are inherently different, but of course (the centerpieces) would also correspond with the event.
WHAT CAN FLORALS SAY ABOUT A CHILD? There are different types of styles that we can design around. If someone has a Pinterest board, you can get a taste of what someone wants, whether it be unique, modern or odd. You can really do that monochromatic design or something like an English garden design. Florals can speak to the
child’s personality, and personality comes out based on what ideas you give us. We can then better judge what to show you. You can get a sense of someone’s style from what they show you.
WHAT IS OFTEN OVERLOOKED? I think they should be very aware of what it is they want and come prepared with ideas. They should select a color scheme that they want to stick with and to be aware of the budget beforehand. Often times, we can work with a budget and get the similar look and feel without spending a lot. Depending on the flower and season, costs rapidly change. There is a supply and demand aspect of flowers, but if some flowers aren’t in season, that doesn’t mean we can’t get them. Have a general idea of what your theme is.
WHAT TRENDS ARE YOU SEEING? Rose golds and bronzes are coming back, which follows from jewelry. We’re also seeing more modern designs. They seem to like classic mixed with modern – the pairings are modern but the colors are more classic. In terms of themes or styles, it’s a bit more modern. Not any one color stands out but they want some-
26 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
Paradise Flower Market thing young and unique. There is some parental influence there, but the kids want something fun and funky and their personal touch on it.
commodate you. It comes down to how decisive or indecisive someone is.
WHEN SHOULD PARENTS START PLANNING?
Flowers round out your décor. They are really customary to these types of parties. The tables look bare without them. There is something elegant about flowers at a party and they do a lot more than something like a candle or centerpiece. It shows that extra thought you’ve put into the planning. It gives that extra personal touch. BM
Follow yourself. The flower aspect would be once you’ve already selected the venue and décor. You’d need to know these things first; flowers don’t need to be selected a year in advance like others. Costs do change. Typically, if you give it three to four months in advance, we can ac-
ON WHAT SHOULD PARENTS FOCUS?
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Pollack Studio
JOSEPH POLLACK
PHOTOGRAPHY
OWNER | POLLACK STUDIO | SOUTH EUCLID WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO GET RIGHT? Family. B’nai mitzvah are circle-of-life events. It’s all about the child and the family coming of age. You only get this once in your life. It’s about being considered an adult Jew. The pictures on the dance floor are fun candids, but 20 to 30 years later, you look at the party pictures and you may not remember all 75 to 100 kids that were there. But, you’ll remember your family members. That is what is important. It’s not about what the theme of the b’nai mitzvah is, it’s about that circle-of-life aspect. To me, getting photos with the family members, that is what is important.
ON WHAT ASPECT OF PHOTOGRAPHY SHOULD PARENTS FOCUS? The photography, as far as I’m concerned, should capture the symbolism of the service.
We stage those photographs so that they are symbolic and meaningful and show the family members’ emotions. One of the most beautiful photos, when I’m shooting b’nai mitzvah, is when we stage the grandparents with the child. They’re kvelling. The party photography is more about candid moments of happiness, but those staged moments are priceless.
WHAT IS OFTEN OVERLOOKED? Time is most often overlooked. (Parents) don’t allow enough time. They don’t allow for the family to be involved and be there. You have to allow time for the photographs no matter the event. You’re spending money on the clothes, accessories and items. What shows the entertainment, clothes and food? The photography. In terms of dollars spent, (photography) is usually what (people) spend the least on.
28 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
WHAT TRENDS ARE YOU SEEING? I don’t follow trends. To me, what is important in good event photography is capturing the people, posing them and lighting them in a way that they look their best, bringing out the emotion and excitement of the moment. To me, that is what is trendy. I don’t follow current trends – I want to photograph in a way a story is told. There are trends in terms of the way albums are made, but I won’t say that I’m going to take a photograph based on a trend. To me, classical elegance is something I try to do. It’s something as important today as it will be 20 years from now.
WHEN SHOULD PARENTS START PLANNING? I suggest parents shop and hire their photographer as soon as they get the date from the synagogue. As far as planning
the details, whether it’s for photography or something else, you don’t need to plan the details until you’re closer to the date. You should start by calling your photographer and see if they are even available at that time. You book your services as soon as you can. As far as planning out the details, go over those a week before. That way, it’s fresh in their mind and it’s also fresh in the photographer’s mind.
WHY IS PHOTOGRAPHY A CRITICAL ASPECT OF THE CELEBRATION? It’s all families have left afterwards. You get what you pay for, too. After everything is said and done, photographs are what is left. You want it to be representative of the emotions everyone was feeling that day – and making photography a priority can ensure that. BM
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Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 29
Amy Finkenthal
STATIONERY
AMY FINKENTHAL
CO-OWNER | NOTERIETY AT THE HAMPTONS | BEACHWOOD WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO GET RIGHT? Certainly, the meaning behind it. You need to make sure the child understands not just the theme of the party but the meaning of it as well – and then putting that warmth into the invitation wording. It’s not just about the party ambiance but the event itself. It’s one of the first things people see when they hear about the event, so it needs to convey the importance of everything.
WHAT DOES THE INVITATION SAY ABOUT THE BAR OR BAT MITZVAH? With the child, it speaks on where they are in life and their hobbies/ interests. The invitation should of course say the where, what and when kind of thing. It invites the family and friends to be at the party. To the people that are Jewish, they will all understand. There are different levels of religion – some want more of a religious connotation to it, others look at it as more formal or traditional. It varies.
WHAT IS OFTEN OVERLOOKED? I try to cross track with my clients so nothing is overlooked, but it really depends on the kid. Sometimes, the child may overlook the meaning
behind the event and focus on the party. It’s just the small things that can slip through the cracks.
WHAT TRENDS ARE YOU SEEING? People still like to touch and feel the invitations. There is such a huge variety of invitations out there, so you have a huge selection when it comes to design. Sometimes, customers come in and they think they want one thing, but it’s common for them to go through our books and want something else instead. Sometimes, the kids and parents don’t agree. So, it’s good to look at everyone’s interests and to do it together. Also, kids tend to have their own ideas of what they want and don’t want to hear from their parent about it. They do need a lot of guidance sometimes, and kids want to hear that from a professional.
Amy Finkenthal Amy Finkenthal
Amy Finkenthal
WHEN SHOULD PARENTS START PLANNING? I would say at least six months before. Usually, someone is not here just one time. The process can get a bit overwhelming. You can always narrow it down and then come back later. It’s definitely a process, and it helps to continually check in with us regarding how the invitation is coming along.
30 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
ON WHAT SHOULD PARENTS FOCUS? Invitations are the first thing guests see. It sets the theme for the whole entire weekend. It lets
the guests know if they are doing more formal or not. A good invitation does its job by setting the mood. BM
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Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 31
SYNAGOGUE
Harvey Kreiger
RABBI JOSH BROWN
RABBI | TEMPLE ISRAEL AKRON | AKRON WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO GET RIGHT? The most important thing is the feeling that the child and the family is being embraced by their community in that pivotal moment of the child’s life.
HOW CAN A FAMILY MAKE THE CEREMONY PERSONALIZED? I think that happens with the way each kid puts their personality into it. We help kids put their personality in the service – something they do with the Torah. Sometimes, I work with a kid to bring their special talent to the service or offer a blessing in their own words. Some kids are musically talented, so they sing a prayer in a certain way. I’ve had kids write an introduction to a prayer in their own philosophy. It shows that every service is unique to each kid’s personality and it helps us honor them. You come to the service and you know that child better as they become an adult.
WHAT IS OFTEN OVERLOOKED? I think what is often overlooked is personal power. We underestimate the power of a young adult embracing our traditions in such a serious and usually thoughtful way. They put a ton of work into it and they usually do a terrific job. I think, to honor the dedication they have had at such a young age and at a time they are entering adolescence, they’ve made such a commitment. I think sometimes we don’t humble ourselves enough in the face of all of the work the child has done to prepare. We take it for granted.
WHAT TRENDS ARE YOU SEEING? There is a trend to include more family members. There is an increasing comfort among family members that might not have grown up Jewish or are not Jewish at all. There is a trend of these members participating in some way and them sharing that pride of the kid becoming a bar or bat mitzvah. That helps personalize it,
32 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
(Parents) should start planning, in all honesty, when they have a kid. Rabbi Josh Brown Temple Israel Akron too, because of the diversity within each family. Kids are also feeling more comfortable in speaking out about issues. They are more engaged in politics, and there is a trend of kids wanting to speak about issues like LGBT equality and things like woman’s rights and #MeToo. Kids feel more comfortable jumping into those areas now.
elevated space in our community – to show them how much we cherish them. Setting makes a big difference, and the moment that the whole community celebrates, it reminds our kids that these are the ways we honor and cherish them and help them succeed.
ON WHAT SHOULD PARENTS FOCUS?
They should start planning, in all honesty, when they have a kid. I think the mitzvah is a stopping point along the way, so once they begin their journey, they should start thinking about it. Sometimes, we get too obsessed about scheduling and forget how it’s part of a larger journey. BM
Even though sometimes the celebrations can be an easy focal point for kids and parents alike, I think the ceremony helps build identity and confidence for our kids. When we bless our kids, we want it to be in a space that is the most
WHEN SHOULD PARENTS START PLANNING?
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Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 33
Elegance on Loan
PARTY PREPARATION
Elegance on Loan
Getting an early start and keeping track of the details are important to keep in mind when planning a party By Ed Carroll
A
bar or bat mitzvah is a special moment in the life of a young person, and while the ceremony is certainly the most important part, the party is definitely something the child will both look forward to and remember for years to come.
However, planning a party can be an involved and stressful process since keeping track of and nailing down all of the moving parts and details can be complicated. To help parents navigate the process and provide a less stressful party planning process, two local planners – Yitty Dessler from Elegance on Loan in Cleveland and Ginny Sukenik from Executive Caterers in Mayfield Heights – discussed how families can prepare to ensure everything runs smoothly.
GETTING STARTED The first questions Dessler gets about party planning revolve around what parents need to do to prepare. “First and foremost, you have to reserve your vendors, so that
you’re working with the people you want to work with,” she says. “(Vendors), too, get taken. As far as making the actual decisions, you have time until closer to the event. Obviously, no florist is going to order any flowers a year out, but a venue might get booked up that weekend.” Sukenik agrees that some things need to be planned for almost immediately, but others can be put off until about a year ahead of the big day. “Some things should be booked soon after the bar and bat (mitzvah) dates are given out by the synagogue, such as the venue and caterer, DJ or entertainment company and the photographer,” she says. “This is because these people can only do so many events in one day. Book early and the client will get
34 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
their first choices. Other items, (such as) theme and décor, invitations, etc., can be started a year out.” Both Sukenik and Dessler say that they will sit down with parents and discuss exactly what kind of a party they want to have for their child. For Sukenik, that involves asking how many people are on the guest list, whether the party will be held in the afternoon or the evening and roughly how much money they want to spend on the event. Dessler also sits down with families and discusses their desires. “Some people want a fun party, some people want a meaningful event in the synagogue,” Dessler says. “Obviously, it depends on who the client is and where the (bar or bat mitzvah) is. Doing something at Punch Bowl Social (in) downtown (Cleveland) is different from a bar mitzvah at Green Road (Synagogue) on Shabbat.”
DETAILS TO KNOW Planning any sort of party means keeping track of a lot of different things – the caterer, florist, baker, entertainment – but Sukenik says one of the benefits of having an event at a place like Landerhaven is that no detail is left out of the process. “We will help the family all the way with menu and food choices, while our fabulous design team can help implement the design and décor,” she says. “We are there to help the client make good choices while creating the client’s vision for this life cycle occasion. Your event planner at Landerhaven will know what the client wants to accomplish and take the stress off the clients shoulders so that the family can enjoy themselves.” Dessler says that in her experience, a few aspects of a party can get overlooked. “For bar mitzvahs, it’s the little details, honestly, that make a bar mitzvah special, and it’s
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Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 35
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remembering those little things that I think make the day special,” she says. “Different types of bar mitzvahs have different things that get overlooked, but I’m not sure there’s one universal thing I’ve come across.”
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Pinot’s Palette Woodmere
FUN FOR
EVERYONE
Incorporating a unique activity can add an engaging element to your celebration that will benefit all involved
By Becky Raspe
A
s a parent in the Jewish community, you likely find yourself going to many b’nai mitzvah celebrations. After a while, the parties might grow a bit predictable. But when it comes to your chance to plan a celebration for your own child, unconventional party options are right at your fingertips in Northeast Ohio.
According to G.R. Rodenfels, general manager at Force Sports in Northfield, Eastlake, Westlake, Fairlawn and Dayton; Ryan Beam, owner of Pinot’s Palette in Woodmere; and Rick Morad, owner of Whirlyball in Bedford Heights, a unique activity can help keep all generations engaged at the party. “You want it to not only be a celebratory rite of passage but also a way for you to bond with your friends and family,” Beam says. “It’s a way for you to connect with each other, and everyone is really interested in the experience of things. Millennials would rather have experiences than material possessions – like wanting to travel the world instead of having objects.” Rodenfels agrees. “Look at the trends and what is going on,” he says. “In downtown Cleveland, so many unique places are opening up,
and people are just more open to activity-based social engagements.”
KEEP IT PERSONAL Beam says when planning b’nai mitzvah with an interesting twist, it’s important to consider the child’s interests as well as activities that can keep guests involved. At Pinot’s Palette, attendees have the chance to participate in painting experiences as a group. “We like to create a unique activity that allows you to take something with you and remember the event forever,” Beam says. “As opposed to a one-time memory that you leave at the event, it’s something personal that you created.” Morad said unique activities keep the party experience fresh. At Whirlyball parties, guests of all ages can play together, making for an interesting party dynamic.
38 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
“It’s not the same old thing,” he says. “It’s not dinner and music, it’s more personal participation by people who are there – and that makes the experience more fun. “(Whirlyball) is a very viewable sport as well. There are 80-foot windows in each court and people get glued to it like they’re watching TV. You’re not just sitting with the same people all evening. Everyone is moving around and having fun.” Personalization can come at more informal venues, too. Rodenfels said at Force Sports, children and their guests can explore different sports throughout the event or have their party focus on a singular interest. “What is unique about our locations is that they’re wide-open spaces, so you can transform (your space) and do whatever you want with it,” he says. “There are many venues like that, but
people are shying away from the typical party center. When you go to an activity-based party, it becomes more informal – and people like that better.”
ENGAGING MOMENTS Another benefit to featuring unique activities at b’nai mitzvah parties is that guests will spend more time engaged with each other, creating special memories. “It helps bring families closer together to have these types of joint experiences,” Beam says. “Especially when they revolve around a shared interest. Nurturing that amongst families helps create a stronger bond within them. You’re promoting interests for the children and helping develop everyone’s creative side.” For more physical activities like what Force Sports and Whirlyball offer, Rodenfels says non-traditional parties tend to be more engaging.
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Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 39
Whirlyball “The adults have more fun than the kids sometimes,” he says. “I think it’s more engaging, at the end of the day, because it’s out of the typical mold.” Morad adds, “First and foremost, (Whirlyball) is a lot of fun, which is really important at parties. It’s very playable by everyone, which allows more people to be involved.”
YOUR CHILD’S INPUT When planning a party that revolves around a unique activity, all three professionals stressed the importance of including the
child in the decision-making process since the party is celebrating his or her rite of passage. “Though guidance doesn’t hurt, it’s important to get the kid’s opinions about what they want to see at a party,” Morad says. “It’s their day but you also want to do something parents would enjoy, too.” Rodenfels adds, “It’s definitely the parents’ day as well as the kid’s day. It’s a family party ... but when it comes to the activity, the child should have a say. If the parent selects games and it’s not what the child wants, you want
Force Sports to avoid that and include them in the selection process.”
BE FLEXIBLE, PREPARED As is the case with any party, Beam, Morad and Rodenfels suggest families be prepared and remain flexible when it comes to their unique activities because plans can change on a moment’s notice. “When a family can come in and have a set idea of what they want, they should stick to that plan and idea, though of course there may be changes along the way,” Rodenfels says. “Having a
vision and sticking to it will help you work with every other aspect as you build the party around the unique activity.” Beam says it’s important to remember who is attending the event and to pick an activity that is flexible enough for everyone to have fun. “Whether it be due to physical restraints or otherwise, you want a broad appeal to guests and then also that personal appeal,” he says. “You also want to plan far out in advance. The more complex and unique an event is, the more time you want to prepare for it.” BM
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40 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
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FROM OUR
In the lifetime of a Jewish family there is so much to celebrate. Whether you are a young adult becoming a Bar or Bat Mitzvah, a couple preparing for marriage, a family with small children looking ahead to religious school, or an adult wanting to renew or build a connection to a synagogue community, The Temple provides that special place. Become a part of The Temple family and celebrate with us.
WE WILL HELP
For information, contact Allison Shippy, Director of Member Services at 216.455.1703 or ashippy@ttti.org.
MAKE YOUR
CLOTHING TO OUR CUSTOM TAILORING...
BAR MITZVAH DAY PERFECT!
Jack and Lilyan Mandel Building 26000 Shaker Boulevard, Beachwood 216.831.3233 • www.ttti.org
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Private Event Director: Michael Levick
440.498.3419
mlevick@signatureofsoloncc.com barbatmagazine.com
Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 41
SPECIAL SETTINGS
Northeast Ohio is home to many exciting party-hosting locations, including some high-profile places that may not immediately spring to mind for a simcha By Ed Carroll
Cleveland Metroparks
C
ommon advice for preparing a bar or bat mitzvah party is similar to advice for buying real estate: Location is everything. And luckily for parents planning these parties, Northeast Ohio is home to a number of venues wellsuited to host a simcha, each with their own unique offerings and charms. Representatives from the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, the Cleveland Metroparks Zoo and Hawken School offer insight into what makes their venues great locations for hosting upcoming celebrations.
PARTY ANIMALS When thinking about fun places to spend a day with family, the Cleveland Metroparks Zoo likely comes to mind – but it might not be top of mind when considering where to host a party. That’s a mistake, says Kelly Manderfield, chief marketing officer at the Cleveland Metroparks, which in 2015 opened Stillwater Place, a dedicated event/rental venue. “Unforgettable events happen at unique locations,” says Manderfield, noting Stillwater Place’s location in the heart of the zoo means it’s surrounded by more than 3,000 animals. “We have a new state-of-the-art ballroom, with a wood dance
floor, a fireplace, great (audio/ visual) capabilities and a balcony with a great view.” Families can also opt for add-on experiences at their parties, like having small animals brought up to interact with the guests, such as a barn owl, chinchilla or snake, or have their guests hand-feed giraffes at Stillwater Place’s giraffe feeding dock, she says. Beyond the zoo, the Cleveland Metroparks also has more than 75 other venues throughout its park district that are available for rental, such as Sleepy Hollow, a golf course in Brecksville, and Merwin’s Wharf, a restaurant on the East Bank of the Flats in downtown Cleveland. Cleveland Metroparks can also work with families to meet entertainment needs for a party, Manderfield says. “We have full-service party planners that will work with you on every detail and really help you plan the event,” she says.
42 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
Cleveland Metroparks
Hawken School barbatmagazine.com
Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
surprised to find out what the Hawken campuses have to offer. “I think most people are just like, ‘Wow, I didn’t realize how great this property was,’”Walter says.
TIME TO ROCK
AFTER-SCHOOL ACTIVITIES Hawken School is another venue that might not be first to come to mind when considering where to host a bar or bat mitzvah, but Gina Walter, director of strategic marketing at Hawken, says the school has three campuses – in Lyndhurst, Bainbridge Township and Cleveland’s University Circle neighborhood – that can be used for hosting events. “Regarding our Lyndhurst and (Bainbridge) campuses, and specifically our (Bainbridge) campus, is they’re just on a beautiful, large-acreage property,” Walter says. “So, there’s a lot of natural elements and outdoor, beautiful scenery that you’re surrounded by at any of those facilities. That certainly makes it very unique, welcoming and inviting.” She says the school’s other venue, located at the Sally and Bob
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Gries Center on Magnolia Drive, puts attendees in the heart of University Circle. “(You’re) connected to all of the surrounding museums and hospitals, and it’s in a beautiful area of Cleveland,” she says. Walter says deciding which of the three campuses to use depends on the type of party being planned. “We have a variety of rooms and settings,” Walter says. “We’ve hosted hundreds of people throughout our main academic building and converted that into a space before and had dinners and tables brought in, and we can host small, intimate groups as well. Our space is good for parties, meetings, all different needs.” She says when people contact her to ask about booking the spaces, they are often
The sales pitch for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum in downtown Cleveland is simple for Mike Detling, manager of sales at the Rock Hall. “It’s the only one in the world and it’s here in their backyard,” Detling says. “They’ve got access to seven floors, 160,000 square feet and over 30,000 artifacts on display.” A party at the Rock Hall goes beyond just having the histories of rock ‘n’ roll’s greatest artists serving as a backdrop. Detling says for private events, the Rock Hall can offer gallery talks for their featured galleries and have docents on site for 20- to 30-minute blocks to give talks on the history of a gallery, answer questions and give behind-the-scenes information guests wouldn’t get from simply visiting the Rock Hall. Despite being a hall of fame for legendary entertainers, Detling says he’s often asked about what the Rock Hall can accommodate for entertainment at parties.
“Obviously, everything depends on budget, but we do a lot of kid-friendly options, like magicians, balloon artists, caricature artists and things like that, to fire breathers on the exterior plaza, stilt walkers inside and outside the building, all the way to a fireworks show behind the building at the end of the night,” he says. The Rock Hall will work with clients to get an idea of what their needs are and determine how to meet those needs. Detling also says the Rock Hall has an in-house caterer and usually encourages clients to use them for their catering needs, but their kitchen is not kosher. If a client requires kosher food, Detling says the Rock Hall is happy to work with them to bring in outside food. And the museum’s unique architecture allows for clients to have separate dining stations for adults and children, if desired. “We’ve got more than enough spaces and levels that we can do a high-end plated dinner for adults in one spot of the museum, maybe with a cocktail hour, and then do a kid-friendly area in the atrium with games and kid-friendly fare, like a macand-cheese bar.” BM
Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 43
Heidi’s This N That displays its Cleveland jewelry, fidget spinners and keychains.
GIFTGIVING
GUIDANCE
From gifts for those who have everything to inexpensive-yetunique selections, options abound By Jacob Cramer
P
leasing 13-year-olds with perfect gifts for their b’nai mitzvah can be tricky. Finding the right tokens of appreciation for out-of-town attendees can be even more challenging, especially when weighing expenses of the occasion. As such, local shops offer options for when the Jewish milestone rolls around. Heidi Schupp, owner of Heidi’s This N That in Mayfield Heights, says fun and inexpensive gifts are a great route to take when scouring shelves for something that will positively contrib-
ute to b’nai mitzvah memories. “I know when my kids were doing the whole bar mitzvah thing, there were so many that you wouldn’t want to spend a ton of money on everybody,”
Keychains are among the gifts available at Heidi’s This N That. 44 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
says Schupp. “I’m one of those people that doesn’t like to just give people a gift card or cash, so I have little bracelets that are $20, I have really cute keychains, clothes – just something cool and different that you can give someone as a gift because all they get is cash and gift cards.” For a small bar or bat mitzvah gift, Schupp’s store offers luggage tags, luxury soaps, purses and jewelry that she finds and puts in her store if she thinks it’s something inexpensive and unique that she would want for herself. “Most of my stuff is $10 to $20,” she says. “Especially when you’re talking about bar and bat mitzvahs, families can embrace spending less because there’s so many. With my kids, when they were that age, I always had them buy something little for whomever, but you don’t want to go crazy because you’ll go broke.” Rita Sachs, who co-owns Mulholland and Sachs in Woodmere with her daughter, Anne Mulholland Sachs, recommends functional gifts for the event. “The comment I hear more every week of the year is, ‘I want a gift for a person who has everything.’ Find something useable, something that’s not going to go in the closet or the drawer. Think about whether this person might really use this.” Sachs says popular genderneutral options her store carries include pillows, cork circles and acrylic trays that can be placed on a dresser. These gifts can be personalized with an initial or the date of the special day. “You could even do a picture frame with their engraved event, and even though a lot of these kids don’t print pictures, chances are someone in the family is going to print a picture from that day, and they’ll have it on their bureau forever,” says Sachs. “We usually tell people to make the gift personal, so you can do names or initials or something so that it’s a keeper. I think that many years later, it’s always nice to have something and look back and say, ‘Oh, I got that for my bat mitzvah!’”
Top: Mulholland & Sachs sells a necklace with the moon’s cycle based on a special date. Above: This love letter necklace spins with an engraved letter on one side and a crystal initial on the other is one of the jewelry options offered from Mulholland & Sachs. To thank guests who have traveled to celebrate, Sachs suggests finding something simple. “For the guests coming in from out of town, there’s all manner of small, sweet sweets,” she says. “We carry candies from a little company in California called Sugarfina, and you could put that in everybody’s hotel room. There’s always seasonal, small items.” Beyond all else, Schupp encourages finding a gift that will make the teen happy on their big day. “I don’t like to just give a gift,” she says. “I pick stuff that I hope is going to make someone smile and make their day a little brighter, so when I’m giving a gift, I find something just right for the person to make them smile or to brighten their day.” BM
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Spring 2018 // Bar•Bat Mitzvah 45
MANAGING MITZVAH MONEY
Sulecki
Local experts suggest saving most of it and spending a little Ullmo
By Amanda Koehn
A
fter the excitement following the big day settles down, many b’nai mitzvah boys and girls and their families get to decide how to use gift money responsibly. Fortunately, local bank representatives – Kevin Sulecki, vice president and branch manager of the Cedar Center Branch of Ohio Savings Bank in South Euclid, and Heathyr Ullmo, senior commercial banking officer and assistant vice president at Geauga Savings Bank – have tips for the best ways to maximize both the benefits of saving and spending.
SPLIT SAVING, SPENDING Sulecki advises parents and children decide together how to portion out bar or bat mitzvah money. He says he typically suggests the child be allowed to spend 10 to 15 percent – or, if it seems meaningful, 18 (chai) percent – and save the rest. To make that deal more appealing, kids can save a portion of the money for something fun they want in the near future, teaching them the value of saving for the biggest reward, he says. “They can maybe spend a little bit of money, they could save a
little bit of money for future things, or they could maybe have a goal of trying to save for something over the next year or six months,” Sulecki says. Ullmo, who’s based at Geauga Savings Bank’s Beachwood branch, suggests portioning out gift money into five equal parts. One part can be spent on something the kid wants, three parts saved and one part spent on a good cause – possibly the same organization where they volunteered for their mitzvah project. “That fifth part is then giving of themselves,” she says. “They will then donate to that organization as well, and it could be an organization they continue to grow with as they get older, but it’s something that means something to them.”
BEST ACCOUNT TYPES Sulecki suggests families consider opening a kid’s account at his bank, which is free and can be started with $1. The child can make deposits and it’s in their name rather than their parents’ name.
46 Bar•Bat Mitzvah // Spring 2018
“What’s nice about the kids’ account is it just gives them a sense of pride. When they open an account, they learn how to use money (and) the value of money,” he says. “It gives them an understanding of the ramifications of saving money.” He also suggests families consider investing in the Gift of Israel program. The Jewish Education Center of Cleveland and Ohio Savings Bank partnered, along with the Jewish Federation of Cleveland and local participating religious schools, to provide a savings plan for students with the incentive for families to put money toward an educational experience in Israel. Families put funds into an account (beginning any time between pre-kindergarten and 10th grade) and the Federation and religious schools contribute as well. The Federation will also put in an additional $300 in the account the year the child has a bar or bat mitzvah. Ullmo says parents and kids should discuss what type of account they feel comfortable putting their money in, but says a savings account is a good bet if they want to save for something like a car and need to access the money within a few years. A
Certificate of Deposit or another account type could be a good idea if they want to save the money for longer and grow interest but will not need to access it for a set period of time. “There is no amount that is too small to save,” she says.
FORMING GOOD HABITS Sulecki says since having a bar or bat mitzvah signifies taking responsibility over one’s life and growing up, it’s also a good time to discuss responsibility surrounding money and how to make good decisions. “I think it’s very, very important to have that collaboration between the parents and the child,” he says. Moreover, since both children and parents bear some responsibility over the money until the child turns 18, it’s good for both parties to get on the same page about what it will be used for. Thus, Ullmo says neither should make decisions about it on their own. “I think it is probably a good idea to have a conversation between the two of them,” she says. “It’s not the parents’ money, (it’s) the kid’s money … but the conversation goes back to ‘What do you want to do with it?’” BM
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