Jstyle Weddings 2009

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C L E V E L A N D

J E W I S H

N E W S

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J S T Y L E

WEDDINGS 2009

JSTYLE

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CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS

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WORLD CLASS WEDDINGS, EVERY TIME.

Weddings are personal. Elegant, refined, gracious. We, too, want everything to be perfect. If your dreams include a world class celebration, please allow us to be of assistance. Customized menus, an international culinary team, fine china and crystal, luxurious accommodations and an unwavering commitment to details. Especially on your wedding day.

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A wondrous moment f o r e v e r a n d e v e r a n d e v e r.

It’s our pleasure.

The most important day of your life deserves to be just the way you want it. At The Ritz-Carlton, Cleveland, a wedding specialist helps you create whatever you can imagine to perfectly express who you are. Whether you choose an elegant reception in the Grand Ballroom, the art deco ambience of The Silver Grille or a ceremony in The Riverview Room with spectacular city views, you can be assured of the perfect setting for a most unforgettable experience. For a wedding consultation, please contact The Ritz-Carlton, Cleveland at 216-623-1300 or visit ritzcarlton.com/cleveland.

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©2009 The Ritz-Carlton Hotel Company, L.L.C.

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INSIDE

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14 editor’s letter FEATURES

20 race for the dress by elizabeth weinstein 26 a man, a plan, a wedding … panama by arlene fine 52

30 getting the call by rob certner 36 a dream wedding in the old city of jerusalem

by stephanie garber 40 whirlwind weddings by susan h. kahn 44 cleveland: a love story by rebecca meiser 48 after the honeymoon by nina polien light PLANNING

52 sneak peek 54 the littlest attendants by nina polien light 60 love on a budget by amy newman smith 66 runway brides 72 personalizing your wedding by toby klein greenwald 74 sparkle down the aisle 78 taste makes a cake memorable by ellen schur brown 84 tips for parents of children who are intermarrying 66

86 guest practices by margi herwald zitelli 90 what does rsvp mean? by roberta sears 92 planner/countdown 94 the other woman by stephanie garber TRADITIONS

96 the chicken dance(s) — wedding shtick

by amy newman smith 98 first shabbat 100 what’s old is new again by ozzie nogg 102 get smashed … and mazel tov by amy newman smith 104 many faces of marriage by violet spevack

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CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS

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WEDDINGS 2009

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FA C I A L P L A S T I C S U R G E RY • B R E A S T & B O D Y E N H A N C E M E N T • B O T O X ® & F I L L E R S M E D I C A L S PA S E RV I C E S • L A S E R H A I R R E M O V A L • C U S T O M I Z E D S K I N C A R E

Steven Goldman MD FACS, FAAFPRS Board Certified, Plastic Surgery Board Certified, Otolaryngology/Head & Neck Surgery Fellow, American College of Surgeons Fellow, American Academy of Facial Plastic & Reconstructive Surgery American Society of Plastic Surgeons American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery American Academy of Facial Plastic & Reconstructive Surgery American Academy of Otolaryngology/Head & Neck Surgery American College of Surgeons American Rhinologic Society Plastic Surgery Education Foundation

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73145 The Union Club 09:JSTYLE TEMP

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Y

ou and yours deserve the magnificent, historic grandeur and exquisite offerings with the gracious, attentive service of The Union Club. Four stories of distinctive, 1905, elegance may be reserved exclusively for your wedding day and celebrations. The majestic lobby, tiered grand marble staircase, and fine art enhance towering carved ceilings,windows, and woodwork throughout to provide memorable settings for your gatherings, reception and ceremony. Choose from flexible, inventive menus and options, or select a platinum, gold, or silver wedding package. Complimentary valet parking, a convenient downtown Cleveland location, and overnight accommodations complete a flawless experience.

216.621.4230 www.theunionclub.org

1211 Euclid Avenue Cleveland, OH 44115

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jstyle

WEDDINGS Special sections editor: Ronna A. Novello Publisher: Michael E. Bennett CEO: Rob Certner Exec. VP / Editor: Cynthia Dettelbach Exec. VP / Advt. Dir.: Jennifer R. Woomer Business manager: Sherry Lapine Production manager: Sharon Ulsenheimer Creative director: Frida Kon City editor: Margi Herwald Zitelli Associate editor: Janet Dery Advertising manager: Martha Rosenfield

Ronna Novello, special sections editor

MY sister and I used to love looking through our parents’ wedding album. In those glossy black-and-white pictures, we saw our parents as we’d never known them: young and newly wed. My grandparents’ and parents’ photos are at the bottom of the page.

Editorial staff: Ellen Schur Brown, Arlene Fine, Jacqueline Goler, Douglas J. Guth, Susan H.Kahn, Marilyn H. Karfeld, Sarah Reymond, Roberta Sears, Violet Spevack, Elizabeth Weinstein

This year, we asked readers to send in their families’ vintage wedding photos, and we were deluged with responses. We’ve tried to show as many as possible throughout the issue, but there just wasn’t room for all the photos we received.

Advertising staff: Paul Bram, Rhoda Brooker, Ethan Cutler, Keren Dromi, Marsha Ettinger, Ron Greenbaum, Christine Kelly-Patrizi, Nell V. Kirman, Kathy Legg, Bernice Levine, Marla Luntz, Laurie Mandell, Sherry Tilson

They’ll be kept in the files and used in next year’s WEDDINGS. So while you’re reading about destination weddings, imagining how luscious wedding cakes can taste, or examining the detail on the wedding gowns, you can

Production staff: Christine Ulsenheimer, assistant manager; Matt Finley, Jon Larson

also share the moments, caught by the camera, of weddings from the past.

Art staff: Reuben LeVine, Shelley Schloss, designers; Marc Golub, photographer Business staff: Diane Adams, Marti Cooper, Tammie Crawford

ZÄtÇvx Utv~

Cleveland Jewish News Officers: Gary S. Shamis, president; Barry R. Chesler, Judi Magid Feniger, Marc W. Freimuth, vice presidents; Gayle I. Horwitz, secretary; Deborah A. Coleman, treasurer; Seth P. Briskin, assistant treasurer To reach Jstyle Subscriber services: Jstyle is included as part of a yearly subscription to the CJN. 216-454-8300, ext. 218. circulation@cjn.org.

Jstyle is also available at bookstores and newsstands.

Editorial services: 216-454-8300, ext. 231 or ext. 255 or fax. 216-454-8200. rnovello@cjn.org.

Display advertising: 216-454-8300, ext. 222 or ext. 239, advertising@cjn.org or fax 216-454-8100.

Classified advertising: 216-454-8300, ext. 225 or ext. 229. classified@cjn.org or fax 216-454-8100.

VOL. 118 NO. 4 CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS (ISSN-0009-8825) is published weekly, with additional issues in January, March, May, July, September, November and December by The Cleveland Jewish Publication Company at 23880 Commerce Park, Suite 1, Cleveland, Ohio 44122.

Single copy $1.25. Periodicals Postage paid at Cleveland, OH. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to the Cleveland Jewish News, 23880 Commerce Park, Suite 1, Cleveland, Ohio 44122

The Cleveland Jewish Publication Company a not-for-profit corporation

Nathan Genesen and Esther Rubin, left, were married in Chicago, Ill., on Dec. 11, 1921. Their daughter Aline married Dr. Saul Averbach at the Windemere Hotel in Chicago on March 25, 1948.

www.clevelandjewishnews.com

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The Natural (Vector) Facelift™ is time efficient, taking only a few hours. The tissue is handled with extreme care which minimizes bruising considerably and facilitates prompt healing. The average recovery period is 10-14 days; this allows the sutures to be removed and any negligible swelling or bruising to diminish. Our patients can return to work in 14 days, safely and with confidence. For the most part, only minimal discomfort is ever reported after this procedure because it is done in such a precise and gentle manner. Surgery is performed in a state-of-the-art outpatient Surgery center with specialized nursing staff and post operative care. The Natural Vector Facelift™ is exclusive to The Cosmetic Surgery Institute.

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F E AT U R E

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race for the dress

by elizabeth weinstein photography by marc golub Jacquelyn Morgenstern waits for the doors to open at Filene’s Running of the Brides in Cleveland.

MOMENTS before the doors open, the staff braces for the

together in formation as though they are at a bar mitzvah party,

chaos.

rather than a strip mall parking lot.

“They are going to stampede,” shouts a manager to dozens of

Most have come prepared. They wear sneakers (for running

employees at Filene’s Basement, a discount department store in

through the store at breakneck speed) and sweatpants (easy to slip

Warrensville Heights. “Whatever you do, hold on tight to the

on and off). They carry whistles (to find those they arrived with when needed), signs (announcing their dress size),

clothing racks and don’t let go!”

“I’m scared,” says a young sales associate, clutching a clothing rack jammed full of pristine white and cream-colored bridal gowns. “I called my mom a few minutes ago and was like, ‘I want to go home!’”

More than 700 people – mostly brides-to-be, their friends, families, and even some brave fiancés

“you don’t know what to expect when you are preparing to get into the store.”

Jacquelyn Morgenstern

– have journeyed from all over the country for the store’s second annual Running of the Brides sale that took place Oct. 17.

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and cameras (to document the adventure).

At stake is the chance to find the wedding dress of their dreams at a deeply discounted price – up to 95% off the original price, which can amount to thousands of dollars. On this day, the gowns, which are brought in from bridal gown manufacturers, bridal salons and boutiques all over the country, will be on sale for $249 to $699.

Running of the Brides began in 1947 at Filene’s flagship store in downtown Boston. Now, 11 Filene’s Basement stores through-

The store opens at 8 a.m., but a large, rowdy crowd waits in

out the country – including the Warrensville Heights location –

the parking lot, starting at the crack of dawn. Some have even

host annual one-day bridal events. This is the second event for the

camped out overnight to get a prime spot in line. A local radio

Warrensville Heights location, and according to general manager

station truck blasts dance anthems for the early birds, who dance

Karen Fiegelist, three times as many people have turned out this

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Before long, clothing racks, above, are picked bare. Then, the slightly less frantic process of trading dresses begins. Morgenstern, right, came prepared, wearing a tank top to make slipping on dresses easier.

year to paw through approximately 1,500 dresses in search of

women will knock, shove and claw their way to the checkout line.

“the one.”

Others, like Morgenstern, stand back and observe the spectacle.

Running of the Brides got its tongue-in-cheek name from the

And then there are shoppers like Sarah Call, who traveled from

Running of the Bulls festival in Pamplona, Spain, during which a

Columbus, standing on a chair holding a bright pink sign read-

number of fighting bulls are set free to run through city streets.

ing, “Looking for a 6.” “I’m just supposed to stand there,” she

As soon as Filene’s doors open, the women (and a few brave men)

says, “and my (three) bridesmaids will come looking for me with

charge through them. The left quadrant of the store is crammed

dresses.”

with racks of dresses, while the clothing sold everyday at Filene’s

Running of the Brides is not for the modest or self-conscious.

has been moved around (and condensed) to accommodate the

Though many women wear spandex shorts, leggings, tank tops,

additional temporary inventory.

Because the dresses are not organized

dresses while trying them on, others strip

by size or style (on purpose – so those

down to their underwear in the store.

who arrive early are not at a greater

They don’t seem to mind, or even notice,

advantage), shoppers grab armfuls of

the presence of video cameras every-

dresses, seek out remote corners of the

where, documenting the event for local

store, and start trying them on. In less

television stations.

than one minute, the racks are stripped

“It’s not going well – couture runs

bare, and dresses are in heaps everywhere

small,” laments Shannon Castro, who has

on the floor.

plopped down in a pile of dresses nearby

“I’m speechless,” says Jacquelyn

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sports bras, or bathing suits under the

– already exhausted after a half hour.

Morgenstern, 28, a bride-to-be who has sought refuge, hiding

“Though we did find a Badgley Mischka,” she says of a highly

behind a half-empty rack of clothing. The Beachwood resident is

coveted designer dress. (It didn’t fit.)

preparing for her Aug. 1 wedding to Brad Bell. She is impressed

In another manmade nook, Heidi Archer of Cleveland tries on

with the selection of dresses, but is overwhelmed. “I can’t shop

a dress for her childhood best friend Jackie Hatcher, who is plan-

like this,” she says with a sigh.

ning a May wedding. Archer, already married, confirms this dress

Surviving a Running of the Brides event – and actually leaving

could be “the dress” for her friend. Whenever anyone finds “the

with a dress –requires endurance, determination, focus, a game

dress” and announces it loudly to the crowd, all activity dies

plan, and a whole lot of chutzpah, observes Morgenstern. Some

down for a moment and applause breaks out.

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Some diehard shoppers spend the entire day at the store. “The

event, but she can appreciate the thrill of the hunt.

“It was a little crazier than I expected,” she admits. “You have

girls who were first in line were (among) the last to leave,” Fiegelist observes.

to be kind of aggressive and have an idea of what you are looking

Morgenstern, who works for Ciuni & Panichi Inc. in

for. I would recommend a bride (try) on other dresses (else-

Beachwood and is studying for a master’s degree in community

where) and know the style she is looking for before going to

counseling from Kent State University, does not find a dress at the

something like that.”

n

strategies for success at filene’s basement bridal gown sale (aka running of the brides) If you, a family member or a friend is planning to attend a Running of the Brides event in the future, here are some tips to help you make the most of the experience – and find the dress

No food or drinks are allowed inside the store. best time to arrive: Doors open at 8 a.m. Brides-to-be and their teams who

of your dreams.

have been in line the longest will get to the racks first. Then,

the week before the sale:

you’ll see brides trading or putting dresses back on racks almost

Pick a team – Choose people whose taste you trust and

immediately. Use the first hour to look for brides who are trying on dresses you like. Then, be there to grab or

who are willing to do shopping battle for you Hold a pre-sale meeting with your team:

trade for “rejects.”

Create a team uniform (matching hats, T-shirts,

at the event: Be nice – With all the excitement, shoppers

headbands, whistles – anything to make it easier

have been known to get a little territorial and

to find each other in the crowd.

competitive.

Assign jobs to team members – someone to

Be considerate – Have your helpers put the

gather, someone to guard your inventory from

dresses you don’t want back on the racks.

prowlers.

Remember, wedding gowns don’t always run

Tear out pages from bridal magazines and print styles from online wedding gown sites to show your team

true to size – Look not only for your regular dress size, but try

what dresses you are looking for.

on dresses that are a size or two bigger as well. Dresses can

Agree on a central meeting place in the store. the morning of the sale: Wear a sports bra and shorts or a bathing suit so you can try on dresses anywhere in the store with at least a semblance of modesty. Do not wear flip-flops if you plan to participate in the “rush to the racks.”

Leave your handbag at home; you will need both hands free.

Do not wear make-up (it could smear on the dresses), and clean hands are a must.

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always be altered.

Try on whatever comes your way – Sometimes a gown that isn’t what you pictured yourself wearing turns out to be “the one.”

Be decisive – It’s a one-day sale, and gowns are not returnable.

Have fun! – If you do not find a dress, check www.filenesbasement/bridal.jsp for the city and date of the next sale.

Courtesy of Filene’s Basement

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F E AT U R E

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a man, a plan, a wedding ... panama! by arlene fine

SEVENTY guests traded their Panama hats for yarmulkes when they

watched Dr. Herbert Duber and Andrea Bernasconi march down the aisle on Feb. 19, 2006.

The Dubers were married at the Gamboa Rainforest Resort in Gamboa, Panama. Panama is where the couple met six years earlier, when Duber was a Fulbright Scholar doing a research project for the Smithsonian Tropical Research Institute and Bernasconi was with the Canadian International Development Agency.

h “We fell in love with each

setting for the wedding ceremo-

other and with Panama at the

ny and chupah on the lush,

same time,” says Duber, now an

sprawling Gamboa Rainforest

emergency room doctor at

Resort grounds, hired a band

UCLA

“It

and florist, placed gift baskets in

seemed just right to have our

each guest room, and even

wedding there.”

arranged for the signing of the

medical

center.

Duber’s parents, Clevelanders

ketubah. “All Andrea and I had to

Cindy and Michael Duber, took

do was invite our guests, select

the couple’s decision to have a

the menu, buy wedding clothes

destination wedding as a “leap

and show up,” marvels Duber.

of faith” that the logistics would

Although there is a large

work out, admits the groom.

Jewish population in Panama,

Thanks to the experienced

Herbert and Andrea Duber at their wedding in Panama.

Panamanian wedding planner

Orthodox Jews, Duber, who is

Duber hired, “we had the wed-

Conservative, asked the couple’s

ding we had hoped for and so much more,” he says.

26

comprised mainly of Sephardic

own rabbi, Mark Hyman from Sun Valley, Calif., to officiate at the

Because Duber and Bernasconi lived in Southern California,

ceremony. “He brought a sense of our own community with

their planner handled almost all the details. She selected the ideal

him,” notes Duber, who used his grandfather’s tallit for the wed-

| CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS | JS TYLE | WEDDINGS 2009

1/6/09

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The newlyweds emerge from their wedding ceremony in a tropical rainforest complete with lush flowers and vines.

ding chupah.

brought into focus God’s mission to extend the species to honor

One of the silver linings of the Panamanian wedding was the

His creations,” says Hyman. “As the couple came together in this

price. “We had a sumptuous meal of the finest foods for about

unspoiled setting that resembled the Garden of Eden, they were

$30 a person,” says Duber. “The vast vases filled with gorgeous

taking the first steps to fulfill God’s mission.”

tropical flowers, the Latin band, and the hotel room rate were considerably less than a stateside price tag.”

Among the wedding guests were Pepper Pike residents Sue and Brad Hylan. “We’ve known Herbie since he was a baby, so we

Many of the guests arrived several days before the Sunday

didn’t think twice about traveling to Panama City to be part of the

wedding, and the bridal couple planned daily excursions and

wedding,” says Sue. “Everything about the whole weekend was

oceanside meals for them. Along

fabulous, including the ceremony in

with touring the historic Panama

a rainforest. But the best part of the

Canal, Duber hired private buses to

event was the joy and love we felt for

take guests to the French Quarter

this beautiful couple and their fami-

and to Panama’s Old City. “We

lies.”

toured magnificent historic sites and

Following the wedding, the

streets filled with ultra-modern sky-

Dubers honeymooned in Boco Del

scrapers,” Duber says. “Our guests

Toro, a nearby Caribbean Island.

appreciated the diversity and sophis-

“Everyone dreams of having a

tication of this Latin American city.”

wedding in paradise,” Duber con-

Rabbi Hyman, whose wanderlust

cludes, “but we really did.”

makes him ideal as a destination

The couple recently had their first

rabbi, says the couple’s wedding

child. “It is my hope the Dubers

location was perfect for his drosh (mini-sermon) under the chupah.

Herbert and Andrea with their daughter Arielle, the newest addition to their family.

“To stand in this lush rainforest 28

| CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS | JS TYLE | WEDDINGS 2009

return to Panama for their children’s b’nai mitzvah and they ask me to officiate,” says Rabbi Hyman. n

026-029_jsW_18_duber

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getting the call by rob certner

THOSE of you who have daughters will agree there are mile-

advice was not needed. After being assured that I would be the

stones in their lives that take your breath away: Her first words,

first to know if she had a boyfriend, I suggested she try JDate.

her first steps, the first day of school, her bat mitzvah, and of

“Dad, why not just tattoo the letter ‘L’ on my forehead, for loser?”

course, her engagement and wedding.

I quickly backed off. She’s old enough to know what to do, and

Two years ago I gave my younger daughter Becky away.

Actually, it’s more like she’s on loan; we never really give our children away. Now it’s my older daughter Rachel’s turn.

Rachel is one of the kindest people I know. She’s one of those very special people who lights up the sky or room wherever she goes.

Rachel, 32, is a fifth-grade teacher in the New York City school system. She’s lived in what some call the least friendly city in the world since graduating from Ohio University 10 years ago.

Nine years of dating included a boyfriend here and there and at least one serious relationship.

Enter Brian.

When Rachel moved to New York, I suggested, as any father would, that in order to meet a “nice Jewish boy,” she should circulate among the tribe – join a temple, a youth group, JCC, wherever “nice Jewish boys” hang out.

Her responses – no, no and no – were signs enough that my 30

PHOTO / WWW.ERICALYNPHOTOGRAPHY.COM

F E AT U R E

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| CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS | JS TYLE | WEDDINGS 2009

she’s living a good life without a serious relationship to complicate things, I reasoned.

About two years ago, Rachel was at a party in Manhattan. A couple of months after the party, I visited her. Sitting in her apartment in Washington Heights, we discussed what all New Yorkers discuss in the late afternoon: where to go for dinner. We decided to go to a small Italian restaurant. As we were leaving the apartment, Rachel said her roommate Sarah might join us and asked if her friend Brian, whom she’d met at the party, could join as well.

I remember clearly Rachel’s next words. “He’s only a friend; we’re not dating. Don’t get excited.” Right. We had a wonderful dinner. Brian was very pleasant, very bright, and Rachel and he seemed to be just friends.

Fast forward several months. I was planning another visit to New York, and Rachel informed me she’s been seeing Brian, and they’re now considered a “couple.” I liked the guy from the

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PHOTO/DEBBY RAPOPORT

beginning, but now I had a different level of interest. I had questions! Like, tell me more about him, where he’s from, where he grew up, what his family is like, where he lives and so on, ad nauseam.

Rachel is a good sport though. She answered each question calmly and kindly. But I knew I was getting into territory that I shouldn’t be in when I asked, “Is it serious?” and her response was “Da-ad.” So as quickly as the questions began, they stopped.

Several months passed while the “couple” got to know each other. They traveled to Cleveland once or twice and visited Becky and her husband Adam in Portland, Ore. All was going well.

Then, I got “the call.”

While I don’t remember everything about it, I do remember it was on a Tuesday, 6:42 in the evening. I was standing in the kitchen next to the stove. As the phone rang, I noticed the call was from the 917 area code, Rachel’s area code. But it wasn’t her number. A few thoughts flew through my mind: Was it Rachel

Rob Certner with his daughter Rachel following her wedding ceremony at Full Moon Lodge.

from another phone? Was it Rachel from Brian’s phone? Was it something bad?

He and I began what seemed to be a verbal dance of sorts.

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None of the above. It was Brian.

How are you? What’s new? How’s the weather? How are the Mets doing? (He’s a New Yorker who loves losing teams). After 10 minutes or so, there was a pause. Complete silence. And then he said, “Rob, I think Rachel is the kindest person I’ve ever met (we apparently share the same opinion). We like the same things, we seem to have the same values, and I love her.”

Tears began to well in my eyes. “I want to ask your permission to marry Rachel.” If you’ve ever heard these words, you know how it felt. Joy, happiness, some sadness at the notion that someone else is going to take your place as the male figure in your daughter’s life.

Truth is, Rachel has been very fortunate to have had a number of male figures in her life – her Grandpa Lou, stepfather Danny, older brother Jon and me. We’ve all done our parts along the way.

Now it was Brian’s turn.

In June 2008, Rachel and Brian were married at the Full Moon Lodge in Big Indian, N.Y., roughly in the middle of nowhere. To say the location was idyllic just doesn’t do it justice.

The way formerly perfect strangers become the most important people in your life is pretty amazing. And getting “the call”

The newlyweds with Rachel’s sister Becky and her husband Adam Brush.

from someone you didn’t even know existed a few short months before is, well, extraordinary. n

32

| CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS | JS TYLE | WEDDINGS 2009

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a dream wedding in the old city of jerusalem by stephanie garber

ON the evening of July 28, 2008, Clevelanders Ilana Shafran and

vows against a spectacular backdrop, took months of meticulous

Josh Mandel stood under a chupah on a patio overlooking

arrangements. Putting on a wedding is challenging enough, but

Jerusalem, illuminated by the gold of the setting sun. About 250

planning one halfway around the globe can seem formidable. For

guests from the United States, Israel and Europe shared in the

Ilana, however, working on that goal was a welcome distraction.

simchah as the couple became husband and wife.

The couple became engaged in August, and the same month, Josh,

“Having a wedding in Israel was my dream, and it wasn’t very hard to convince Josh to go along with it,” says Shafran.

“Everything was so perfect – it really turned out to be a dream wedding.”

Of course, that wedding, planned right down to reciting of 36

| CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS | JS TYLE | WEDDINGS 2009

a U. S. Marine at the time (as well as an Ohio state representative), was deployed to Iraq.

“I threw myself into work and planning for the wedding to stay busy,” Ilana explains. Doing something in anticipation of their future together helped her maintain a positive focus during

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Josh and Ilana Mandel, left, celebrate with their guests in Jerusalem. A glorious sunset provided the perfect backdrop for the wedding ceremony, below.

the eight months her fiancé was in a war zone.

Ilana cautions brides who might be considering a wedding in

Of course, Ilana didn’t do it alone. “If you’re going to have a

Israel to also look into the necessary certification well in advance.

wedding that far away,” she advises, “it’s best to get whatever help

A tremendous amount of paperwork needs to be completed for

you can to make sure it’s as stress-free as possible.”

the Israeli rabbinate before it allows a wedding ceremony to be

She enlisted the help of two wedding planners – one in

performed.

Cleveland, the other in Israel. Save-the-date cards were mailed out

Most of the 80 guests who came from the U.S. for the wed-

six months in advance and included tour and hotel information.

ding made a vacation out of the trip to Israel, arriving about a

The planner in Cleveland helped with travel arrangements for

week in advance of the nuptials. For some, says Ilana, it was a first

guests and dealt with any problems that arose regarding their

visit. She and Josh, both strong Zionists, were delighted their

overseas plans.

wedding was the reason for the experience.

CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS

| JS TYL E | WEDDINGS 2009 | 37

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and “really had a blast,” Ilana notes.

The couple took extra precautions to avert any potential last-minute disasters. For example, Ilana brought her entire wedding ensemble on the plane as carry-on.

Still, there was “one big drama.”

Ilana forgot to bring her contact lens case, and she put each lens in a separate cup by the sink in her hotel room. The cleaning person came in to tidy up and promptly tossed the lenses down the sink and disposed of the cups.

“I almost had to wear my glasses on my wedding day!” Ilana recalls with horror. Thankfully, her eye doctor was able to fax her prescription to Israel, where she secured a new pair.

“A wedding anywhere is wonderful, no matter where it’s held, but being able to have it in Israel adds such a special component,” Ilana says. “It’s a different dynamic that really does lend itself to a very meaningful event.” n

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whirlwind weddings by susan h. kahn

Jordan and Ania Bulloff ’s October wedding in Cleveland took a month of trans-continental planning.

PARKINSON’S LAW – “Work expands to fill the time

may over the circumstances. Taryn’s father was particularly dis-

available” – seems to have been formulated with wedding plan-

tressed that their children would not be married in a Jewish cer-

ning in mind. Even an engaged couple whose wedding date is

emony. The next day, he sought counsel from his rabbi, who

a year away often find themselves occupied with marriage minu-

offered to contact a colleague in California.

tiae 7/52. But two local families discovered that, when circum-

By Wednesday, Dec. 5, Taryn and Daniel had an appointment

stances dictate an accelerated timeline, a lively, warm wedding

to be married by Rabbi Michelle Missaghieh of Temple Israel in

can be created in weeks or even days.

Hollywood. The ceremony would take place the following

wedding in a week

Monday.

By late November 2007, Daniel Kalette, 29, and Taryn Wittlin,

“Now that this was going to be a religious ceremony, we

25, who live in Los Angeles, had been dating for a year and a half.

wanted to share it with our children,” says Debbie. So both sets of

Their parents, Debbie and Steve Kalette of Shaker Heights and

parents immediately booked flights.

Naomi and Les Wittlin of Toronto, Canada, expected the pair to get engaged in the spring.

Friends and family pitched in to help the couple plan their wedding in record time. They had no time to pick out wedding

But on Saturday, Dec. 1, Daniel called his parents to say that

bands, so the Kalettes offered to lend them theirs. Daniel’s cousin,

Taryn was having difficulty getting her visa renewed. To enable

a medical student in L.A., offered to find them a ketubah (wedding

her to stay in the U.S., they decided to get married. They planned

contract) at a Judaica store. Because Debbie’s 91-year-old father

to have a civil ceremony in five days.

was unable to make the trip, she borrowed his tallit to serve as his

“This was not what we had envisioned,” recalls Debbie. “We were disappointed that the kids would miss all the fun and sentiment of a traditional wedding.”

grandson’s chupah (wedding canopy).

For the reception, one of Daniel’s boyhood friends, now living in L.A., offered his home. Daniel ordered salad and sandwich trays

When the Kalettes called the Wittlins to get acquainted, the

from a local gourmet caterer and, in place of a cake, fancy cup-

foursome shared their mixed feelings – joy at the marriage, dis-

cakes. In true 21st-century fashion, the bride and groom sent invitations to their friends via e-mail and text message.

40

| CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS | JS TYLE | WEDDINGS 2009

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| JS TYL E | WEDDINGS 2009 | 41

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“This was a true team effort with the sole goal of trying to make this wedding traditional for Daniel and Taryn,” says Steve Kalette.

a month to prepare Shaker Heights native Jordan Bulloff met Ania Osinska of Warsaw, Poland, in the spring of 2005, when each was studying

The Kalettes and the Wittlins met for the first time on Saturday

at the University of Amsterdam in the Netherlands. The two

morning before the wedding. They had little time for pleasantries

became close, and when Jordan returned to the U.S. to complete

before flying into action. While Taryn and her mom shopped for

his degree, parting was difficult. E-mail and phone calls enabled

a wedding dress, her dad and the

the pair to maintain a long-dis-

Kalettes headed to Costco to buy

tance relationship.

beer, wine, paper goods, and soft

Their love blossomed, and

drinks. Later, Daniel picked out a

over the next two–and-a-half

new tie while Taryn got a mani-

years, the two contrived ways to

cure.

be together, working and travel-

On Sunday evening, the

ing in the U.S. and Europe. But

Kalettes hosted an informal din-

their time was always limited by

ner for 11 family members. But

visa restrictions. In January

it wasn’t until late Sunday that

2008, Jordan, 24, and Ania, 26,

they realized no one had

concluded that the best way

thought about flowers.

they could ensure being togeth-

“At 8 a.m. Monday, we began

er was to marry.

calling every nearby floral shop,”

Jordan

says Debbie.

a

job

in

Portland, Ore., and the couple

Luckily, they found a florist at

began filing the necessary

work early who agreed to fash-

paperwork to obtain a fiancée

ion a bridal bouquet and bou-

visa for Ania. Processing took

tonnière and have them ready by

almost five months and culmi-

mid-morning.

nated in a rigorous interview.

At noon, about 30 guests

On September 17, Ania was

assembled in the rabbi’s study to witness the intimate ceremony.

notified that her application was With the help of friends and family, Taryn and Daniel Kalette planned their wedding in Los Angeles in a matter of days.

“The rabbi performed a very

42

took

approved. The couple set a wedding date for four weeks later in

traditional, personal service,” says Debbie. “She wrapped Taryn

Cleveland, and Jordan’s parents, Fran and Aaron Bulloff, geared up

and Daniel in my dad’s tallit.”

to host the celebration.

Then the celebrants enjoyed an informal buffet on the decks

Jordan had two requests for the wedding: a natural setting and

of a house overlooking the Hollywood Hills. Recorded music was

a civil ceremony. Considering Cleveland’s unpredictable fall

provided by the groom’s friends, who had even downloaded “Hava

weather, Fran spent the first week scouting venues – The Club at

Nagilla” from iTunes for the hora.

Hillbrook, Bratenahl Place, the manor house at Squire Valleevue

“The wedding was more fun than would have been the case

Farm, and the Nature Center at Shaker Lakes – places with natu-

if we had spent a year or more planning the affair,” says Steve,

ral settings but indoor protection. She eliminated some because

“and it was probably more meaningful because we concentrated

of size or cost and found that others had been booked long

on the really important things.”

before.

| CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS | JS TYLE | WEDDINGS 2009

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“breaking the rules.”

“When it comes to weddings, I

“I told her not to worry about the

learned that October is the new June,”

rule book; the book is what you write,”

says Fran.

Then she recalled that Pier W

advised Fran, who asked the florist to

restaurant on Cleveland’s Gold Coast

create an all-white bridal bouquet

has a wonderful view of Lake Erie. With

instead.

a dining room cantilevered over the

Twenty-eight guests attended the

shoreline, it actually appears to be on

ceremony, which was conducted in

the water.

English with the exception of the dec-

“The manager was an immigrant

laration “I now pronounce you hus-

himself, and he was very helpful,” Fran

band and wife,” which Judge Polster

relates. “We were able to schedule the

read in Polish as well.

wedding there on Friday, Oct. 18, at 4:15 p.m., before it opened for dinner.”

The Bulloffs chose Pier W on the lake to honor Jordon’s request for a wedding close to nature.

Following the ceremony, the guests enjoyed a gala dinner. Two days later, the Bulloffs hosted a large open house

When Aaron Bulloff told his friend Judge Dan Polster about Jordan’s impending nuptials, he quickly

in the couple’s honor with a buffet of multi-cultural delicacies.

volunteered to officiate. Meanwhile, in Poland, Ania’s sister

“Our wedding weekend was perfect,” says Jordan. “We were

designed a wedding invitation, which she sent to Jordan to print

blessed with sunshine, family and talented friends, who

and mail. While Ania’s family was unable to travel to the U.S. for the

helped us create a wonderful celebration and memories we’ll

wedding, her girlfriend came and offered to play the viola at the

cherish.”

ceremony. A friend of Jordan’s offered to be their videographer.

Meanwhile, Ania searched in vain for a white cocktail dress.

She ended up bringing a red one, but she was concerned she was

The couple’s only regret is that Ania’s parents were unable to attend the wedding, but the pair plans to have another reception in Poland this summer. n

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| JS TYL E | WEDDINGS 2009 | 43

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a love story by rebecca meiser

Two years ago, Scene magazine ran a story about the young Jewish singles scene in Cleveland. The article, people joked, would be very short – seeing as there was no “game.” But as Eric Greenberg and Robin Posner later proved, that was not the full story.

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| JS TYL E | WEDDINGS 2009 | 45

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ON a Thursday night in November 2006, Lisa Rab sat frustrated

So the next week, Posner did something that surprised even

in the corner of The Fairmount Wine Bar. Rab, a reporter for

her: She e-mailed Rab, asking for Greenberg’s contact informa-

Scene magazine, was writing a story about Jewish dating in

tion. “I felt like I had nothing to lose,” she explains.

Cleveland. But the normally chatty group she was with was

Armed with Greenberg’s e-mail address, Posner took a while

uncharacteristically quiet that night, and Rab was having a hard

deciding what to write. The message she finally sent was simple

time getting quotes for her article.

and direct. “I kept it light,” Posner recalls. “I just told him that we

So Eric Greenberg, a 29-year-old architect with a grizzly beard and a warm smile, offered to help out. Rab hesitated, however.

seemed to have had similar experiences in Cleveland but for some reason had never met.”

PHOTOS BY BOB LUBELL AND STEVIE GRAND

Greenberg was a friend of hers, and as a seasoned reporter, she’d learned the hard way that it’s best never to interview people you already know. But as the sky outside darkened and the Scene photographer began sneaking glances at his watch, Rab made the decision to inter-

mail sweet. But before he responded, he decided to do his own investigation: He signed on to JDate and searched for her profile. When he saw her picture, he decided it was OK to write back. “She looked cute,” he says with a smile.

The two chatted by phone for a week

view Greenberg anyway.

before scheduling their first date on

Family and friends would later call

Christmas Eve. Hoping to impress

the move beshert (fate).

This particular night, Greenberg was

Greenberg, Posner scoured different

feeling rather pessimistic about the

entertainment sites looking for a unique

Cleveland Jewish dating scene here.

first-date idea. Eventually, she came

“Anyone who’s single I’ve either been

across a listing for a photo exhibit at the

out with or I know,” he told Rab, claim-

Shaker Heights Library. “Perfect!” she

ing that the entire pool of eligible Jewish

thought.

On December 24th, the two arrived

singles in the area could be counted on

at the exhibit – only to find it closed for

one hand.

the night. “Apparently,” laughs Posner,

This quote – along with Greenberg’s picture – later made it into the article “Cupid’s Crisis,” published on Dec. 16,

Robin and Eric’s marriage proves the Cleveland Jewish dating scene is alive and well.

2006.

That week, Robin Posner was getting ready to attend a cooking class with a few of her best friends. A single, perky school

46

Across town, Greenberg found the e-

“libraries are closed on Christmas Eve. Who knew?”

The couple ditched their artsy, cool plans and headed instead to a bar in Chagrin Falls. Learning that it was the couple’s first date, the bartender sent them a round of drinks on the house.

teacher from Toledo, Posner had become fed up with the local

The two stayed late at the bar talking – and re-discovering

Jewish dating scene. She had also just made the decision to buy a

how interconnected the Cleveland Jewish community really is. It

home. “I realized that I couldn’t keep putting my life on hold,

turned out that Posner’s dentist is Greenberg’s uncle. Years before,

waiting for Prince Charming to arrive,” she says.

he’d tried to set the two of them up, but Posner had dismissed the

But that didn’t mean she’d permanently closed the door on

idea, for reasons unknown. “I could have been dating someone

love. So when a friend saw Rab’s article, she grabbed a copy for

then, or I could have simply hated guys that week,” she says with

Posner. In between cooking and kibitzing, the Toledo native lazi-

a laugh.

ly flipped through the paper. Then she came to the photo of

The conversation that first night flowed as easily as the wine.

Greenberg. “That guy’s super cute,” she thought. And, surprising-

One week later, Greenberg invited Posner to meet some of his

ly, she didn’t know who he was. “I didn’t think that was possible,”

college friends. When she left, they told him, “You should keep

she admits.

that one.”

| CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS | JS TYLE | WEDDINGS 2009

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Smartly, he listened to their advice. The two worked well together; they shared the same values and interests and could make each other laugh.

They dated for a year before Greenberg asked Posner’s dad at Thanksgiving for permission to marry her. Posner’s parents kept mum about the conversation – but Greenberg couldn’t. “He ran up and told me all about it,” Posner says with a laugh.

However, two and a half months later, Greenberg still hadn’t proposed. “I was kind of annoyed,” Posner admits. unaware that Greenberg was working with a jeweler in Toledo to design a ring.

The process was taking longer than expected.

But in January, Greenberg finally secured the ring, and on a date to the art museum, Greenberg got down on one knee and asked Posner to be his wife. The two were married nine months later in an old converted movie theater in Toledo.

Today, Rab’s article is displayed prominently in a scrapbook on the couple’s nightstand. And the writer is feeling pretty good about

Y ÉÜàç@Ç|Çx lxtÜá Éy XÄxztÇà jxww|Çzá tÇw YÄÉÜtÄ WxvÉÜtà|ÇzA

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| JS TYL E | WEDDINGS 2009 | 47

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after the honeymoon couples reflect on the joys, challenges and surprises of their first year of marriage by nina polien light

E N G AG E D couples are often so caught up in their wedding plans they don’t give much thought to what happens after the last thank-you note is written and mailed. But all newlyweds soon learn that the demands of real life must be balanced with post-nuptial euphoria.

Habits and routines established during the first year can set a tone for the marriage. The CJN asked local couples to reflect on their first-year experiences and offer advice for easing the transition from single to married life.

Jodi (Chesler) Audino, who works in sales, claims marriage to her husband Jeremy, a software engineer, has been “a walk in the park.”

“I love seeing him every day, being with him every day, and sharing our house,” enthuses the Solon resident, who was married Dec. 15, 2007, at the InterContinental Hotel. “I love sharing our dog. Combining families has also been wonderful.”

Still, Jodi admits that dealing with the decidedly unromantic details of married life provides a reality check.

“Discussing big issues like insurance, money, mortgages, health benefits,” she says. “We had representatives from a company do health screenings. We met with a financial Jodi and Jeremy Audino love spending time with their new combined families.

48

| CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS | JS TYLE | WEDDINGS 2009

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048-050_jsW_14_advice

adviser. I didn’t know how involved it was going to be.”

After a couple of months of tending to the “business end” of marriage, the couple settled into a comfortable routine that includes spending equal time with the two sets of in-laws, who all reside in Cleveland. “We celebrate holidays together,” Jodi says.

“We are one big family.”

Finding a like-minded companion is the key to marital bliss, Jodi asserts.

“Jeremy and I like to have dinner at home – just the two of us without a TV. We talk about our days. Being with family is important to both of us. We work hard and strive for goals, like providing a warm home for family and guests and sharing each other’s highs and lows.”

“WE’VE had a lot of events in our lives that many couples don’t have to deal with in the first year of marriage,” says Ben Weiss, who married Sarah Levin at the Old Arcade on Oct. 21, 2007.

Sarah and Ben Weiss weathered health problems and a job search during their first year.

Just three days after the Mayfield Heights couple returned from their honeymoon, Sarah, a social worker who suffers from

her medical issues while she was single. “But once we got mar-

Crohn’s disease, landed in the hospital and ultimately underwent

ried, (Ben) realized that this was going to fall on him. It was a

surgery.

really hard time for both of us and a crummy way to start our

Sarah admits that her parents had helped her manage many of

marriage, but he was there for me 100% 24/7. It was scary for

CLE VE LAN D J E W I SH N E W S

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him, but we learned a lot about ourselves and our relationship

ceive quickly. But when Melissa developed hyperemesis (unre-

and realized how strong we could be both individually and as a

lenting and potentially life-threatening nausea and vomiting)

couple.”

several months into the pregnancy, life became more complicated.

Later in the year, Sarah resigned from a stressful job that was

“I was in the hospital during the week of Thanksgiving,” PHOTO / LCD PHOTOGRAPHY

exacerbating her Crohn’s disease symptoms. It was a difficult decision, financially, for the couple.

“Ben was supportive of me because he knew how unhappy I was

sick, there were a lot of health concerns for the baby and her development during that first trimester.”

When she returned home, she

and realized that my health was more

spent a couple of months living in

important than going to a job that

their family room because once

was making me so unhappy,” Sarah

downstairs, she was too nauseated

says. “He also had enough confidence

to walk upstairs. “Being newlyweds,

in me that I would get a job pretty

it wasn’t a honeymoon stage at the

quickly.” Ben was right: Sarah landed

beginning,” she recalls. “We had

a new job within a month and a half.

just gotten a new bed, and Jeff

“It proved to both of us that we

would spend the nights sleeping on the floor with me.”

made the right decision in choosing a partner and showed us how strong we

Melissa is grateful that her hus-

are,” says Sarah. “If we were there for

band, owner of Northeast Auto

each other, we could get through any-

Group, tended to her needs. “He

thing.”

did anything he could to cheer me up, keep me fed, and make sure I

Ben, who works in litigation support, says that at least 90% of married

Melissa and Jeffrey Rosen felt the challenges they faced during the first year made them stronger.

the other 10% determines the strength of that union.

was taking my anti-nausea medication. He stayed on top of everything

life is fun, but how couples handle

when I just wanted to be immobile.”

“If you can’t resolve your issues, there will be resentment

Although it wasn’t a conventional first year, Melissa says it

and bitterness,” he advises. “Find a way to express your point of

had its perks. “He was home with me a lot more. We probably

view early on. Get it off your chest, let it go, and keep loving

spent more time together because I was so sick.”

each other.”

Just a few days before their first anniversary, Melissa gave

Getting used to sharing a home with someone requires direct

birth to daughter Ashley. “There was nothing better than seeing

communication and compromise, Sarah agrees. “You have to find

Jeffrey hold our daughter,” Melissa reflects. “It was the ultimate

a happy medium, even in terms of chores, like ‘I ran the dish-

love.”

washer, so you get to empty it.’ You take the good with the bad and learn to accept everything about the other person, love them unconditionally, and know that they love you unconditionally.

That’s such a big comfort.”

JUST two months after their Aug. 4, 2007, wedding at Beechmont Country Club, reallife asserted itself in a major way for Melissa (Meckler) and Jeffrey Rosen.

Eager to start a family, the Solon couple was delighted to con50

Melissa recalls. “With my being so

| CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS | JS TYLE | WEDDINGS 2009

And while the couple’s priority is now their infant, they say the honeymoon phase has definitely returned.

Knowing her marriage withstood the stress of a high-risk pregnancy so soon after the wedding assures Melissa that she and Jeffrey are in it for the long run.

“It made us stronger,” she asserts. “I knew he loved me so much, but to really stick through everything showed me that we were meant to be together.”

n

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| JS TYL E | WEDDINGS 2009 | 51

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PLANNING

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Jacquelyn, pretty even before her bridal makeover.

Hair stylist Olivia Davis sprays Jacquelyn’s curls to create a soft, sophisticated pulled back style.

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| CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS | JS TYLE | WEDDINGS 2009

Make-up artist Nicole Flesher accents Jacquelyn’s eyes with eye shadows and blends them with a brush.

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the littlest

attendants

Betsy Zucker Silver talks with her attendants Tyler Spitz, Haley Spitz, and Jordyn Zucker after the ceremony.

by nina polien light

THE preschoolers smile angelically as the string quartet begins

or spoiling the event.

to play. The adorable flower girl wears a poufy dress tied with a

Jennifer (Phelps) and Seth Cutler of Cleveland Heights invited

pastel bow; the proud ring bearer sports a spiffy tuxedo with a

Seth’s nephew and niece, Micah and Danielle Cutler, to take part

bowtie that complements the flower girl’s sash. As they march

in their Oct. 22, 2006, wedding at the Downtown Marriott. From

toward the chupah, she scatters rose petals, and he clutches a tiny

the beginning, the couple acknowledged it was impractical to

pillow cushioning polished rings.

expect the children, then ages 3 and 6, to behave like adults.

“How precious!” the wedding guests sigh.

Well, yes, if that’s how the scenario actually unfolds. But as many brides and grooms can attest, young attendants often have their own agenda. No amount of rehearsing can prevent some flower girls and ring bearers from refusing to walk down the aisle

“It was also important for us to be clear with their parents and grandparents what we were expecting so everyone was on board,” says Seth, a project manager at Progressive Insurance.

Micah, in a miniature tuxedo, and Danielle, in a white dress with a deep-red sash, performed their duties well.

on cue, bursting into tears by the chupah, or laying on the floor

“Micah is younger and didn’t look up as much as the pho-

to nap during the ceremony. (Okay, that last one happened at this

tographer would have liked, but he walked straight down the

writer’s wedding more than 15 years ago.)

aisle,” says his proud uncle.

But with careful planning, many distractions can be averted.

The CJN asked some recent brides and grooms to share their tips on how youngsters can participate without upstaging the couple 54

PHOTO/NEW IMAGE PHOTOGRAPHY

PLANNING

054-057_jsW_24_kids

| CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS | JS TYLE | WEDDINGS 2009

During the rest of the ceremony, the children sat with their regular babysitter.

“She was under orders that if either acted up during the cer-

054-057_jsW_24_kids

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emony, she would take them out of the room,” Seth explains. “The babysitter took Micah to the back of the room, and he sat on the floor quietly, but we didn’t even know that was done until afterward.”

FOUR youngsters participated in the May 25, 2008, nuptials of Betsy (Zucker) and Brent Silver of South Euclid.

“They’re my nieces and nephew,” explains Betsy, creative director at Developers Diversified Realty. “I couldn’t pick and choose. They’re equally special and cute, and I wanted to have all of them share in the day.”

Betsy began “hyping it up” months before Tyler and Haley Spitz, then 5 and 2, and Jordyn and Camryn Zucker, then 4 and almost 2, donned their respective tux and dresses. “At Chanukah we bought them books about being flower girls and a ring bearer,” she says. “We wrote notes to them in the book: ‘We’re looking forward to having you celebrate our special day.’”

The older girls went dress-shopping with their aunt. The purple flower-girl gowns they selected came with matching doll outfits, so Betsy bought special dolls for her

Danielle and Micah Cutler enjoyed being part of their uncle’s wedding.

nieces to dress. (The dolls did not attend the ceremony.)

All was perfect until the night before the wedding.

“Haley fell, sliced her forehead and ended up in the ER,” Betsy says. “But she was fine. She just had a big slash across her forehead.”

tips for including tots • Don’t expect perfection.

• Frequently – but not constantly – talk up the honor of participation. Perhaps give children a wedding-related gift.

On the big day, Betsy originally planned to take the girls to the salon with the rest of the attendants but realized it was more important for the children to nap.

All four children were dressed just before family portraits were taken. Immediately afterward, the kids changed into street clothes and ate dinner. The little ones redressed in their fancy threads in time for the ceremony.

• When appropriate, include children

The bride, who had a laid-back attitude, admits she didn’t

in pre-wedding festivities such as dress or tux shopping, bridal showers, or stuffing invitation envelopes.

• Insist that toddlers nap before the ceremony.

• Don’t dress children too early. Make sure they eat and visit the restroom before dressing.

• Ask a trusted babysitter or relative to sit with children after they walk down the aisle. Instruct them to discreetly leave the ceremony if children fuss.

• Guide very young children down the aisle: in a toy wagon, a parent’s arms or holding an older child’s hand.

• Don’t fret if kids don’t comply completely. Unscripted moments become cherished memories.n 56

| CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS | JS TYLE | WEDDINGS 2009

young attendants often have their own agenda.

know what to expect from the children.

“Whoever makes it down the aisle, makes it down. They’re young,” she figured. As it turned out, “they were perfect. They walked down with huge smiles on their faces. One just followed the other.”

After the procession, the children sat with relatives during the ceremony.

TALI Blitstein was only 1-1/2 when her aunt Shirah (Platt) married Michael Gottfried at Quail Hollow Inn Renaissance on June 22, 2008. Despite Tali’s tender age, Shirah insisted on her niece being a flower girl.

“I’m very close to my sister, and Tali was the first grandchild in the family,” says Shirah, a behavior specialist from Mayfield Village.

Wearing a lacy pink dress that complemented an array of pink bridesmaids’ gowns.

Tali walked down the aisle with her father. “She seemed to not even notice there were people there,” Shirah recalls. “She was very into throwing the flowers.”

Tali’s dad carried her halfway down the aisle. When he put her down, she immediately ran to a babysitter who gave her candy and whisked her out of the room.

Just as the family had planned. n

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| CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS | JS TYLE | WEDDINGS 2009

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PLANNING

love on a budget:

wow weddings without

dollar woes by amy newman smith

D

WHEN we go to a car dealership, we’re armed with facts,

Tiffany price.

focused on getting the car that fits our needs at the best possible

There is almost always more than one way to achieve the same

price. Buying a house? We’re excited but cynical and determined

end. Assuming your wedding site has a good PA system, you can

to stay in charge of the transaction.

easily burn your own CDs or make your own MP3 playlists (one

So what happens to so many women when they walk into a wedding hall or bridal salon? Too many of them ditch their cal-

for dinner, one for dancing) and have all the music you want without the expense of a DJ or band.

culators at the door. In this economy especially, that’s not a wise

Creative approaches will personalize your wedding. Lisa Kirsch

idea. Here are some ways to remain starry-eyed without having

(née Reuben) wanted a wedding filled with candles to create a

your practical head in the clouds.

romantic mood. Every week she watched the mail for the craft

rule one: be creative

store’s 40% off coupon. With each coupon, she’d purchase a case

Before Allison Grebstein (née Lowenfeld) became engaged to

of votive holders with candles. (The store had a one-case limit.)

her husband Adam, she spotted the rings she wanted in a Tiffany

Six weeks later, she had all the candles she needed to create a

& Co. advertisement. Working with a family friend who was a

dream-like ambience.

jeweler, they were able to create the Tiffany look without the 60

Comparing prices from several vendors for food and flowers can result in thousands of dollars in savings.

| CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS | JS TYLE | WEDDINGS 2009

Michelle Feinberg (née Berkowitz) and her husband Sam

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offer amenities including free alterations and discounts on gowns for bridesmaids and mothers of the bride and groom if you purchase your gown there.

Wedding planners and coordinators are often a good investment because they can point you in the direction of value vendors and creative ideas. Feinberg used a make-up artist from a department store. Without her coordinator’s advice, she says, it would-

F

n’t have occurred to her that someone from a store could do her makeup at home at a significant savings.

Baumgart recommends that her clients look at renting wedding day transportation from a car rental facility like Hertz or Enterprise rather than a limo company.

rule three: be yourself

Bridal books, magazines and websites can give the impression A stunning outdoor venue provides a beautiful backdrop for photos and saves on decorations.

E

you must do certain things. But, if you take care of your guests’ needs, respect your parents, and make yourself and your groom

opted for a unique fish and dairy menu that featured salad with

happy, you’ve covered the necessities. None of these requires a

fruit and candied walnuts, butternut squash ravioli and salmon.

butterfly release, an aisle runner, or monogrammed cocktail nap-

Considering alternatives to a traditional meat menu yielded a

kins.

huge savings and also garnered compliments. “People said the food was unbelievable,” Feinberg notes.

rule two: be informed

The best way to save money on your wedding is to first do your research. A locally produced wedding guide is a good place

Taking charge of your wedding budget means you can put the money where it matters most to you. For Grebstein, dropping the limo and choosing in-season flowers let her choose the dress of her dreams without guilt. She was also able to splurge on beautiful letterpress invitations.

to start, but it may leave out a lot of great options. Check the

Do-it-yourself music and centerpieces that rely on striking

Internet. Visit local wedding chat boards. Talk to recent brides and

greenery allow for more extravagant food and drink. Michelle

those who are still in the planning process.

Feinberg splurged on a band that kept her friends, who love to

For example, state parks and municipalities often own fabulous facilities that aren’t well publicized. Lisa and (Clevelander) Jonathan Kirsch’s ceremony took place at Temple Beth El, San Diego’s oldest synagogue. Lovingly restored, it was a stunning venue. And because it belongs to the area’s parks department, the cost to rent it was a mere $250.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t investigate tried-and-true venues. Wedding planner Heidi Baumgart, owner of Heidzillas in Avon Lake, says hotels and wedding halls that offer one-stop shopping can save you money by bundling.

In your research, make sure you are comparing apples to apples for various scenarios.

That’s a lesson Kirsch learned the hard way. She assumed she was saving money by buying an off-the-rack dress at a discount seller. In the end, though, the alternations cost more than the dress itself. Dresses may cost more at bridal salons, but salons can 62

| CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS | JS TYLE | WEDDINGS 2009

Flower girl’s basket cost $3 to buy, decorate and fill with petals, compared with $30 from a florist.

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G

dance, on their feet all night. Lisa Kirsch made her wedding dreams come true with over-the-top flowers and candle arrangements. The message: Put your money where your heart is.

twenty easy ways to save money on your wedding 1. If you love flowers, you don’t have to trim back. Select flowers that

are in season and reuse them at the reception wherever possible.

Whatever you do, don’t feel bad for paring down.

“Simple and clean goes a long way,” notes Baumgart.

rule four: be remembered

2. Set on an expensive flower like calla lilies? Buy them loose from a

florist or in bulk from a wholesaler. (You’ll need to enlist friends for the arrangements and set-up.)

Reflect on the weddings that touched you the most.

3. If you know wedding professionals, don’t be afraid to ask for a

Some of them will have cost a small fortune, while others

“friends’ and family discount.” Be cautious using non-professionals. You

were financed in a more modest fashion. There is no corre-

can re-do your own wedding make-up if the need arises, but you can’t

lation between money spent and a wonderful wedding

retake your video because Uncle Sid tried to do his best Ang Lee impres-

experience.

sion and failed … miserably.

Lisa Kirsch notes that the most touching moments at her wedding didn’t come with a price tag. The couple was mar-

4. Everything is negotiable. A vendor would rather rent $5 chair cov-

ers for $2.50 than have them sit unused for the night. Ask, ask, ask.

ried under a chupah made of her father-in-law’s tallit. Her

5. Something borrowed can be hundreds saved. If you admired a

own father’s tallit was symbolically wrapped around the

friend’s wedding tiara, ask to borrow it. Most people will be touched

couple during the ceremony. And when her sister Karen

you asked.

arranged for all the guests to serenade them with “That’s

Amore,” the bride, who calls herself “crazy” for Dean Martin, was hardly the only one with tears in her eyes. At the end of the day, love doesn’t cost a thing.

n

6. Be realistic about what you can do without. You can get yourself and

your dress to the wedding without a limo.

7. Keep your bridal party small. Bouquets and boutonnières add up

quickly.

ZÄtÇvx Utv~

Blanche Greenfeld, left, wed Jack Pavny on September 19, 1926 at the Shomrie Haddath Temple in Cleveland. They were married 67 years before passing away 5 months apart in 2004-2005. Their daughter Rita married Marv Lockman at B’nai Jeshurun August 12, 1956. They have been married 52 years.

64

| CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS | JS TYLE | WEDDINGS 2009

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8. To save on decorating costs, look for locations with their own

natural beauty.

9. Choose invitations you love. Just remember all but a very few are

going to wind up in the trash.

10. Consider postcard-style RSVPs. Increasingly popular, these save

on envelopes and postage.

11. Seat the maximum number of people at each table. If the table

fits 10 to 12 people, go for 12. You’ll cut costs on tables, centerpieces and tablecloths.

12. If you’re worried about an exploding guest list, choose a site

that limits the number of guests to a range you are comfortable with.

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13. Ask about corkage fees. It can be much more economical to buy

your own liquor and pay a corkage fee to your wedding site than to purchase the site’s liquor. Watch for sales and take advantage of case discounts.

14. An open bar doesn’t have to include hard liquor. Wine and beer

(plus soda and juices) will be easier on the wallet and still leave your guests happy. While you are at it, choose your favorite wine for the toast instead of champagne.

15. When ordering your cake, put taste before looks. Which will

your guests appreciate more: fancy or delicious?

16. Don’t overdo on colors. White or ivory linens are classic, ele-

gant and less costly.

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17. Find a photographer who will sell you the rights to your pho-

tos. Using a high-end photo lab can give you quality photos at a reasonable price.

18. If you are over budget and stuck on where to cut, consider

shortening your reception by an hour.You can also trim time by mak-

TM

ing sure your ceremony and reception are close together or in the same place. You can have all the same vendors but still cut costs.

19. Watch for dress sales, including Filene’s and designer trunk

show sales, where you can get high-end gowns at a discount.

20. Once you’ve decided on an item, look at multiple suppliers. Be

sure to consider quality alongside price.

n

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PLANNING

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| CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS | JS TYLE | WEDDINGS 2009

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| JS TYL E | WEDDINGS 2009 | 67

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| CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS | JS TYLE | WEDDINGS 2009

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| CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS | JS TYLE | WEDDINGS 2009

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Caterer

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Glance Back

PLANNING

072-073_jsW_02_personalize

personalizing your wedding by toby klein greenwald

EVERY family wants the wedding of their child or sibling to be memorable, one that relatives and friends will talk about for years to come.

Most couples seek special touches that will bring not just panache and style to the occasion, but “added value” content that relates to the core of the event – the (hopefully) lifelong loving and spiritual relationship of the bride and groom.

Here are some examples of those special touches you can incorporate in your own or a loved one’s wedding: • “Recipes for a Happy Life” blank notebooks on the dinner

table, to be filled in by the guests.

It provides a wonderful ice-breaker for the guests, who Alice Levene married Simmy Silver in an Orthodox ceremony in London, England, in 1925. They were the parents of three sons.

inevitably will read and compare each others’ suggestions and share laughs and stories. It also is an incredible gift for the young couple, who will have great fun reading and using the booklets in the years to come, as they remember their guests.

d

The cover of the notebook can be decorated with the couple’s wedding monogram, their photo, or a modern-day caricature or

e h d

cartoon. The advice can range from favorite challah recipes or “Drinks for a Romantic Evening” to meaningful marital advice, such as: “The art of loving: talk about it – and about what’s not it”

u

or “Find time for each other, but find your private corner.”

(Don’t forget to indicate that the notebooks are for the couple, and have a family member collect them before the evening is over.)

• The bride’s prayer. These are available in pretty white-and-gold folders at Jewish bookstores, but they are unique when they are created by the bride’s friends, personalized for her. This is the prayer that the bride says after the groom has lowered her veil over her face (the bedeken) and before she has joined him under the chupah. But Twenty-four years later, their son Percy married Liliane, a Jewish girl he met while on duty with the army in Port Said, Egypt. They celebrate their 60th anniversary this year. The bridesmaid at right is their niece, Frances Ritsky-Kluter of Orange Village.

72

| CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS | JS TYLE | WEDDINGS 2009

it is a beautiful prayer for the bride to say at any time during her wedding day. It can be written in calligraphy or modern fonts and decorated with ribbons, beads or dried flowers. I saw one that was written on a piece of driftwood.

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NOTHING, BUT CHOICES! • Adorn the chupah with something personal. For one of our daughters, we draped the front of the chupah with the silk-and-

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gold wedding sari my father brought back for my mother from India after WW II. Her bride’s chair was draped with fabric given

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by a neighbor who had been helped by the chatan in her recovery from drugs.

Some families create their own chupot and pass them from child to child and from one generation to the next.

• There is a custom to put ashes on the groom’s forehead in memory of the burnt Temple in Jerusalem. Some young people who have been on trips to Poland add ashes they brought back

• Choose a theme that is close to the heart of the couple, and

decorate accordingly. If the bride and groom love to travel, there can be reminders of places they have

invite loved ones who have passed away to “join” you under the chupah.

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DEDICATED TO THE

ART OF LIVING WELL

january

I remember a friend’s wedding at which the bride’s six brothers, all with magnificent voices of chazzanut quality, serenaded her as

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she walked down the aisle with her parents.

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Publishing week of November 16 Ad deadline: October 22

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ND JEWI SH

november 2008

the dancing, close friends of the bride and groom line up and

/

CLEVELAND JEW ISH NEWS

july

Israeli custom at modern religious weddings. During a break in

jsty

dedicated to the art of living well

HOLIDAY TREATS

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• Encourage the couple to bless their friends. This is a new

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S H J E W I

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L E J S T Y

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• If you have adult children, give them a role in the ceremony.

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| JS TYLE | WEDDINGS 2009 | 73

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| JS TYL E | WEDDINGS 2009 | 77

PLANNING

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taste makes a

cake memorable

by ellen schur brown

PHOTO COURTESY/PHYLLIS LESTER

IT’S the centerpiece of the reception, perhaps the first thing your guests see, the must-have photo op, and the yummy end to your wedding dinner. No wonder the wedding cake is such a big deal!

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“It was so cool and so ‘us,’” says Kevin. “I’m so glad it wasn’t the typical white cake.”

Increasingly, brides – and grooms – are looking for the cake to tie into the theme of their wedding.

1/8/09

12:12 PM

Page 79

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| JSTYLE | WEDDINGS 2009 | 79

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show stoppers

easier to serve,” says Axelrod. Her most popular wedding cake is

Leaning away from traditional tiered wedding cakes, more

a “trip back in time,” using a recipe from an old-time-Cleveland

brides are asking Maria Pastrana of Cake Creations Etc. for whim-

institution, Hough Bakery. The white cake with white almond

sical or theme cakes.

buttercream frosting, she claims, is simple and elegant.

showy on a budget

“They use it as the focal point of the wedding,” says the selfdescribed “cake artist.” “They want something their guests are

Brides need an education about cakes, fillings and frostings,

going to remember, and they’re putting a lot of thought into it.”

says Phyllis Lester of Phyllis Lester Designs. She likes a light chif-

Pastrana’s specialty is cakes that that look like they’re falling over.

fon cake because it has an intense flavor.

PHOTO COURTESY/PHYLLIS LESTER

Some brides bring in their gowns, and Pastrana duplicates the details. Some grooms want a cake that looks like their car. For one couple who got engaged on London Bridge, she created a seven-foot-

by decorators who are just using cake mixes,” Lester notes. “Even bakeries bring in frozen stuff. A cake isn’t memorable unless it tastes fabulous.”

long bridge cake. There are gift box

Lester prices cakes and decorating

cakes, monogramed cakes, even a

separately, which is eye-opening if

Cleveland Browns helmet cake.

you’re on a budget. Some magazines

Weding cakes today come in 30 fla-

suggest using a false Styrofoam layer as

vors from bestseller drenched Amaretto,

the base of your cake, but it’s still being

to Kahlua fudge, to chocolate mousse.

decorated, so the bride (or her parents)

Even peanut butter and jelly. White cake?

aren’t saving any money. If the caterer

Not so popular.

sets up a dessert display, the bride can get

eye poppers

by with a smaller cake.

Among Lester’s popular designs are

Sue Johansen, owner of Wild Flour Bakery in Rocky River, also sees brides wanting a cake that’s more of a center-

her signature piped embroidery, bows Cups and saucers, bows and flowers are now used as cake toppers.

Color is the biggest trend she sees: Yellow. Hot pink. Green.

Bright and funky. Even brown, if the bride has the personality for

and ribbons, monograms and geometric work.

piece for the wedding.

What’s not popular? A plastic bride and groom presiding over the top layer.

traditional

it.

Johansen also uses a cake as the centerpiece for each table, creating 20 or more cakes in different flavors.

“I’m not the new-and-exciting-wedding-cake type,” quips Michael Feigenbaum, owner of Lucy’s Sweet Surrender in Shaker

From an economic standpoint, you end up buying more cake

Heights. The baker offers brides this warning: When cakes are

than you need, she explains, but at $50 per table, the cake may be

expensive, it’s the decorating, not the taste. His Old World

less costly than floral arrangements. And more fun, too.

European bakery turns out a delicious cake for about $3 a slice.

“It’s very interactive,” Johansen reports. “Guests will go around to other tables for a taste. Some couples make a game out of who will cut each cake, and it becomes part of the entertainment.”

Margie Axelrod, owner of Casa Dolce Fine Italian Bakery and Café in Mayfield Heights, has done cupcake arrangements for brides who want a non-traditional cake.

“It looks like an elaborate cake with flowers on top, but it’s 80

“A lot of wedding cakes are created

| CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS | JS TYLE | WEDDINGS 2009

Decorate it with fresh flowers, he suggests, not flowers made from pulled sugar paste.

While Feigenbaum insists some things can’t be improved upon, his favorite wedding cake fillings are decidedly untraditional: key lime mousse, raspberry, and fudge ganache, “My brides want the cake to be memorable because of the taste,” he says. “To sacrifice taste for art is popular now, but you don’t want people to leave the cake at the table uneaten.” n

078-083_jsW_13_cake

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| JS TYL E | WEDDINGS 2009 | 81

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Drool-liscious Common cake terms you’ll discuss with your baker.

ing fruits and flowers for garnish. Gum paste decorations are edi-

Basketweave

ble and will last for years as keepsakes, but, some say, they don’t

Piping technique featuring interwoven vertical and horizontal

taste as yummy as marzipan.

lines (like a wicker basket).

Latticework

Buttercream

Piping detail that criss-crosses with an open pattern.

Smooth, creamy icing that stays soft so it’s easy to cut through.

Marzipan

It can be colored and/or flavored. Also used to create piping,

Paste made of ground almonds, sugar, and egg whites, used to

swags, and other borders, as well as decorative rosettes. Can be

mold edible flowers or fruit to decorate the cake. Marzipan can

used as filling. The best-tasting frostPHOTO COURTESY/MAIN ST. CUPCAKES

also be rolled in sheets, like fondant,

ing, but beware: Buttercream is made from butter (as its name implies), so it may melt in extreme heat or humidity.

Cornelli Elaborate piping technique that yields a lace-like pattern.

Pillars Separators used in a tiered cake.

They can be made of plastic or wood in several lengths to achieve the desired look.

Dotted Swiss

Piping

Piping technique that forms tiny

Decorative technique using a pas-

dots in random patterns to resemble a

try bag and various metal tips. Piping

fine Swiss dot fabric.

details include leaves, borders, basket-

Dragées Round, edible sugar balls coated

weave patterns, and flowers.

Pulled sugar

Individual cakes serve as centerpieces and as dessert.

with silver or gold and used for deco-

Boiled sugar is manipulated and

rative purposes.

PHOTO COURTESY/MAIN ST. CUPCAKES

pulled to produce flowers and bows.

Fondant Sweet, elastic icing made of sugar, corn syrup, and gelatin that’s literally rolled out with a rolling pin and draped over a cake. It’s a smooth, firm base for gum paste flowers, decorative

Royal icing Made of egg whites and confectionary sugar, this icing starts life as a soft paste piped from a pastry bag to create latticework, beading, bows, and flowers.

details, and architectural designs and

Torte

has a porcelain finish.

A dense cake that does not use

Ganache

leavening agents like baking powder

Sweet, rich chocolate, denser than

or baking soda.

mousse but less dense than fudge. It

Whipped cream

can be used as icing or filling. Ganache

Heavy cream beaten to achieve a

is made of chocolate and heavy

thick consistency. Whipped cream

cream, so it can soften in very humid

does not work well as an icing and

weather.

must be kept refrigerated. It is unsta-

Gum paste This paste of sugar, cornstarch, and

ble and not recommended for outCupcakes form a unique “cake” that is easy to serve.

gelatin is used to mold realistic-look82

and used as icing.

| CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS | JS TYLE | WEDDINGS 2009

door weddings.

n

Courtesy, The Knot

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11:16 AM

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GlanceBack

PLANNING

084-085_jsW_05_inter

tips for parents

of children who are intermarrying

WHEN you first learn that your child is – or might be – marrying someone who’s not Jewish, you may not feel like celebrating.

This can be a difficult and stressful occasion instead of the joyous one you had hoped for.

To help, InterfaithFamily.com has compiled a series of tips from people whose own children have intermarried as well as from outreach professionals and counselors.

1. When your child first tells you about her engagement, congratRose Chesnick and Phillip Goldman, married Nov. 1, 1923, in Cleveland.

ulate her and express your love for her. First impressions are very powerful, and if you react coldly to the news, your child may remember your response for a long time.

2. As soon as you have an opportunity, congratulate your child’s partner and express your love for him. This can be a powerful way to welcome your child’s partner into your family.

3. Treat your child as an adult. If he feels that you are speaking to him as one adult to another and not as an anxious parent to a child, he’ll be more receptive of your opinions.

4. Assume that your child has good judgment. You won’t always agree, but knowing that she and her partner are thinking things through will help. Don’t lecture or be judgmental.

5.. Accept your child’s partner for who he or she is. Pushing people to be different creates resistance to change. People are much more likely to change when they feel respected and accepted.

6. Remember that it’s not your “fault.” If your child chooses a partner of a different religion, it’s not because you didn’t give her a strong Jewish identity or because she’s rejecting you. She’s choosing a partner of a different religion because she fell in love with the partner; the partner’s religion – or your parenting – had very little Geraldine Goldman, Rose and Phillip’s daughter, married Marvin Kahn on January 22, 1950 at the Alcazar Hotel in Cleveland Heights. Rabbi Jack Herman officiated.

84

| CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS | JS TYLE | WEDDINGS 2009

to do with that decision.

7. Learn about your child’s partner’s religion and background. If

084-085_jsW_05_inter

1/6/09

1:19 PM

Page 85

you are knowledgeable about your child’s partner’s religion, it’s more likely your child will listen to your perspective. Notice any and all similarities between his or her values and your Jewish values and discuss these similarities with your child’s fiancé(e).

8. Let your child know you want to be involved in her life. Ask what her plans are and ask to be included and informed. Be truthful about what you would like but understand that your wishes won’t always be fulfilled.

Planning a Healthy Future Together

9. Be honest about your feelings for Judaism and talk about them.

Let your child and his partner hear how Judaism works in your life and why it is important to you. It may be helpful to make a list of those Jewish practices and values that are meaningful to you. Once you clarify for yourself where your commitments to the Jewish religion and the Jewish people lie, you are better able to communicate with your children on this important and sensitive subject. Also be honest about your doubts and complaints about Judaism.

10. Invite your child and his partner to share in your holiday observances and celebrations and to accompany you to temple when you go. Invite them to help you prepare for these occasions, thus providing an opportunity to teach about the holidays, their rituals and symbolic foods. You can be an ambassador to Judaism.

11. Celebrate your child and her partner’s efforts to participate in Jewish rituals. Don’t criticize them for not observing the way you do.

12. If possible, invite your child’s partner’s family for a small gathering just before or just after the wedding. Both are good opportunities to share your mutual joy over your children’s wedding.

13. If your child is having an interfaith wedding ceremony, offer to help with one of the interfaith aspects, like helping the couple find someone who will create an interfaith ketubah. This gesture of acceptance can create a lot of good will.

14. Don’t immediately bring up the subject of grandchildren.

Your child has enough to worry about with planning a wedding, and this may add to the stress level or touch on a sore subject between you and him. However, if your child and his fiancée have started talking about children, it is OK to offer your input about how you would like them raised. Our children do want to please us, and gently explaining your wishes can affect your child’s decisions. n

reprinted courtesy InterfaithFamily.com

The Mt. Sinai Center for Jewish Genetic Diseases, founded by the Mt. Sinai Community Partners, has been a resource to newly-married Jewish couples for nearly 5 years by providing genetic counseling, genetic testing and educational programs. We offer the latest testing in recessive conditions for couples planning a family, such as testing for Tay-Sachs disease. Our Center for Human Genetics Laboratory now performs testing for 8 of the common Ashkenazi Jewish genetic diseases on site. Our certified genetic counselors are available to answer questions you may have about carrier screening. Genetic counseling and testing are available through private sessions or through our new community carrier screening program in 2009. Please contact us for more information about these services.

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| JS TYL E | WEDDINGS 2009 | 85

1/6/09

1:15 PM

Page 86

PLANNING

086-088_jsW_16_guests

mrs. zitelli’s advice for brides:

guest practices by margi herwald zitelli

EVERYONE knows the wedding is all about the bride, right?

accommodate all out-of-towners. Make sure the block of rooms

Wrong.

is secured for both the rehearsal dinner and wedding nights. If the

Well, your wedding is mostly about you (and your mother),

hotel runs out of rooms, provide alternate hotel options as early

but you cannot overlook or undervalue the comfort of your guests. These are people who are spending substantial sums of

as possible. n Send

out save-the-date cards well in advance of the wedding

money on travel, clothes and gifts so they can share your special

to help out-of-towners plan accordingly. (Include hotel informa-

day with you.

tion.) If you don’t want to send out cards, informally e-mail out-

Some simple planning and extra attention to detail is the difference between your guests’ raving about how much fun your wedding was and your guests’ complaining about what a hassle it

of-towners in advance of the invitations, so they can book hotels and flights. n Recently,

some friends of mine even offered wedding guests

was. (Everyone who’s been to a hassle wedding knows what I’m

packaged discounts to a specific airline and rental car company.

talking about!)

Now that’s looking after your invitees!

info, info, info!

early planning n

When selecting your wedding date, make sure no major

n You

must, must, MUST have a wedding website for guests to

sporting events, concerts, or star appearances are taking place in

learn more comprehensive details than the invitation can provide.

or near your venue on the wedding weekend.

Cover hotels, directions, cabs, public transportation, parking, aux-

n Reserve

enough hotel rooms at your special wedding rate to

iliary events like rehearsal dinners and brunches, links to

ZÄtÇvx Utv~

Rose Lucille Makoff with attendants at her wedding to Dr. Aaron B.Yasinow on June 23, 1925, above. Their son James, right, married Marcia Madorsky at Temple on the Heights on December 23, 1956. The couple recently celebrated their 54th anniversary.

86

| CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS | JS TYLE | WEDDINGS 2009

086-088_jsW_16_guests

1/6/09

1:16 PM

Page 87

registries, whether young children are invited, and dress code. @ ETON

If you can’t design your own site, you can create personal pages through host sites like weddingchannel.com. n Send

letters or e-mails to out-of-towners if you’re worried

they aren’t checking the website or to older guests who don’t

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Let in-town guests know about parking, as well. Just an

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informal e-mail will do. n

If you’re having a rehearsal dinner or brunch, you must

invite everyone who is eligible to attend either through a formal invitation or an informal e-vite. An off-the-cuff phone call or mention of “Hey, do you want to come to my brunch?” is not

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If you can, book your reception in the same venue or a

venue in close proximity to the ceremony. Make sure your desHartland Flutes Simon Pearce Classic Collection

ignated wedding hotel is as close as possible to the ceremony, reception and rehearsal dinner sites. n

Provide shuttles for guests from the hotel to all relevant

wedding sites. For those driving themselves, distribute printouts of accurate directions to all locations. Don’t trust Google Maps or MapQuest! Take the directions on a test run to make sure they will be easy to follow for people who have never set foot in town before.

If the ceremony and reception are not located in close

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proximity, have a stack of accurate, tested printouts of directions available at the ceremony as well. Sometimes, even in-towners need a little guidance.

on the day n

If you’re getting married in the fall or winter, provide a

coat check at all venues. If you’re getting married outside in warmer months, have an extensive rain plan, including providing extra umbrellas for guests who may have traveled without them. n

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If you plan on taking posed pictures after the ceremony

rather than before, or if you are having a yichud (private moment for the bride and groom), please, please, please make sure your guests have something to do while you’re away from

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| JS TYL E | WEDDINGS 2009 | 87

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You must, must, MUST have a wedding website.

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For open seating, you must

have a chair and table space for every guest. High-top bar tables and chairs around the perimeter of the room don’t cut it. n Try

to seat together people who know each other. Don’t feel

you have to seat your 25-year-old cousins with your 25-year-old friends simply because they’re the same age. Let your cousins sit with family they know and are comfortable with, regardless of age. n

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PLANNING

090-091_jsW_17_rsvp

what does rsvp mean? by roberta sears

RSVP stands for répondez, s’il vous plaît, French for “Respond, if you please,” or in common parlance, “Please reply.” But it means so much more – for both the host and the guest.

If you are extending an invitation – whether it’s for a wedding, shower, bachelor party, or even just a dinner or barbeque at your home the weekend of the wedding – you need to know how many people will be attending.

How many chairs do you need to place around the table? How many rooms should you reserve at the hotel? How many expensive dinners are you paying the caterer for, and how many favors do you need to make or

good manners never go out of style.

buy? How many kugels do you need to whip up for brunch?

Gean Garber and Morris Spike were married in Cleveland on February 28, 1936. They celebrate their 72nd anniversary this year.

You could extend a casual open invitation requiring no response, but it’s uncomfortable to host an event in a large room with lots of seating and have only a handful of people show up.

Conversely, it’s embarrassing to run out of food because you are surprised by the turnout.

You could add “Regrets only” to your invitation and assume if you don’t hear from your guests, they will be coming.

Unfortunately, people will fail to contact you, not because they plan to attend, but simply because they fail to call.

The only safe solution for the host is to request a reply to the invitation.

Even in these days of casual entertaining with many invitations extended by phone or e-mail, it is still wise to ask invitees to let you know if they will be able to attend.

As the person extending the invitation, be sure to indicate clearly exactly whom you are inviting (that person, with a spouse or guest, or the whole family).

In a more formal invitation, include the letters RSVP on the bottom corner. Add a phone number or an e-mail address, or enclose

Fannie Drimmer and Max Wold were married in Atlantic City, N. J., July 20, 1910.

90

| CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS | JS TYLE | WEDDINGS 2009

a separate reply card to make it easier for your guests to reply.

What if you don’t hear from guests before the caterer needs a

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“count”? Unfortunately, you have no choice but to make phone

weddings) come with return cards (they encourage replies and

calls to all those too rude or forgetful to reply. Of course, you may

help the host by their uniformity); these are simple to fill in and

find a rare guest who did not receive your invitation. In that case,

to mail back. They usually include a stamp.

you’ll be glad to discover the mishap in time.

The truly proper way to reply to a formal invitation is spelled

Your obligation if you receive an invitation with an RSVP

out in all etiquette books. Pull yours

request is to REPLY! Amy Vanderbilt says, “All invita-

off your bookshelf (it’s a great gift to

tions should be answered as

give a young person or couple), or

soon after receiving them as possible.” The word etiquette may sound old-fashioned, but good manners never go out of style.

Your acceptance or regrets should be extended with the same degree of formality as the invitation issued. A casual invitation means you

Levin usan S . s M ts regre ent agem g n e us revio of a p e s u ccept beca e to a l that b a un nd ill be z’s ki she w kowit r e B n atha ary s. Jon r M Janu d f o n a d Mr. e thir for th n o i t a invit

may phone or e-mail your reply or

you can find several in public libraries.

The formal acceptance or regret is basically written in the same style as the invitation. Your acceptance which

should

members

indicate of

your

household (or your guest) will be attending. Do not

assume you are entitled to invite additional guests

even leave a voice mail. You can also

beyond those the invitation specified.

send a quick note by mail.

Be kind to the people who so generously invited you. Get back

But if you received a formal invitation, you are expected to formally reply. These days, most formal invitations (like those for

to them promptly to tell them if you’re planning to attend or not.

Be considerate. It’s the good-guest thing to do.

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WEDDING COUNTDOWN 12

Ella Wintner and Dr. Alexander Pollak were married August 1926 in Trebisov, Czechoslovakia.

months before

• Meet, call or e-mail important friends and family with the big news of your engagement.

• Make an appointment with your rabbi and decide on a date.

(Certain dates are off limits for Jewish weddings.)

• Research ketubah and chupah designs.

• Invite close friends and relatives to be members of the wedding party.

• Compile your guest list and start gathering addresses.

• Agree on a wedding budget with your families.

• Start researching ceremony and reception locations.

• Make a Web page to announce your wedding.

• Visit reception sites, and plan to put down a deposit.

• Consider hiring a professional wedding planner.

• Begin shopping for wedding rings.

• Ask friends to recommend photographers, florists and bands.

10

months before

• Send out a “Save the Date” card – especially if youʼre marrying during holiday season or having a destination wedding.

• Reserve block of hotel rooms for out-of-town guests.

• Shop for brideʼs dress. Leave enough time for several fittings.

• Register for gifts at your favorite stores.

• Interview and hire vendors: caterer, photographer, videographer, florist and band or DJ. • Consider dance lessons, or have a pro choreograph your first dance.

8

months before

6

months before

• Send your engagement announcement to the CJN. • Hire musicians for the ceremony.

• Create a must play/donʼt play song list for the reception.

• • • • The Pollak’s daughter Valerie and Richard Weitz were married August 1952 at the Wade Park Manor. Rabbi Earl Stone of The Temple-Tifereth Israel officiated.

92

| CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS | JS TYLE | WEDDINGS 2009

•

• Order kipot for guests.

• Collect ritual objects you will need for the ceremony and reception – perhaps a kiddush cup from a grandparent.

Offer relatives an honor, like blessing the challah or reading a prayer.

Order invitations and thank-you notes.

Order your wedding cake.

Meet with the caterer to determine final menu and serving details.

Enjoy being the center of attention and keep up the enthusiasm at all your pre-wedding parties! (Be kind to single friends.) Have a token gift for the host(s).

Hire transportation for the wedding day.

1/6/09

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months before

2

months before

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• Shop for groomʼs and groomsmenʼs formalwear.

• Settle on a honeymoon destination. If foreign documents, passports or inoculations will be needed, get them now.

• Order bridesmaidsʼ dresses. Find a style that flatters all the attendants.

1

months before

• Schedule an aufruf and time to go to the mikveh.

• Create a wedding program, if you are having one, explaining the meaning of Jewish traditions you are including.

• Notify your banks and insurance companies that you are getting married. If you are changing your name and/or address, start collecting the documents you will need to make this change.

• Apply for a marriage license.

• Have final wedding dress fitting.

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• Call guests who havenʼt responded.

• Confirm details with all vendors, photographers, rental companies, lighting, florist, musicians, etc.

• Give a must-take photo list to the photographer.

• Practice writing your Hebrew name if you are the bride, groom, or ketubah signers.

1

week before

1

day before

• Give reception site a final head count.

• Create a reception seating chart and write out place cards.

• Arrange for your chuppah to be set up before the ceremony.

• Pick up brideʼs gown and groomʼs tux.

• Write any necessary checks for your vendors.

• Attend the rehearsal dinner, and present gifts to the wedding party.

• Eat a big meal if youʼre fasting tomorrow, and get a good nightʼs sleep.

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• Present parents with a gift – or at least a big hug and kiss.

• Give your wedding bands to the best man/maid of honor.

• Remember to enjoy yourself.

• Send your wedding announcement to the CJN as soon as you get your pictures back!

73034

• • • •

• Mail invitations. Number the RSVP cards on the back to correspond to your guest list.

Make final honeymoon reservations.

Buy gifts for parents, attendants and each other.

Book appointments for wedding day hair and makeup.

Plan the rehearsal dinner for the bridal party and out-oftown guests.

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092-093_jsW_28_count

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the other woman –

learn to cherish your mother-(or daughter-) in-law by stephanie garber

WE all know how the fairy tales end: “… and they lived happi-

perception can skew a person’s viewpoint. While older women

ly ever after.” Real life, of course, is much less simplistic. One of

see themselves as “only” being helpful or thoughtful, younger

the more common threats to happily ever after comes not in the

women say they feel challenged and demeaned. Ironically, most

form of the mythical wicked stepmother, but the all-too real

of the resolutions came about when the person relating the story

tyrannical mother-in-law. At least according to the perception of

noted a change in her own viewpoint.

One chapter, “Is It Possible to Always

some newlywed brides.

Idyllic mother-in-law/daughter-in-

Get Along?” contains advice well worth

law relationships do exist but seem to

noting by even the most well-adjusted

be the exception, not the rule. Whither

newlywed couple. Shapiro compares fam-

Thou Goest; The Jewish In-Law’s Survival Guide

ilies to small nations, each with its own

by Sorah Shapiro is a handbook for deal-

set of customs, and newlyweds are like

ing with in-law-related marital clashes.

citizens immigrating to foreign cultures.

It’s a field guide to help mothers-in-law

It’s a metaphor worth remembering. For

and daughters-in-law understand “the

example, say someone from a boister-

other woman.”

ous, demonstrative family marries into

It was written for the young bride who

a quiet and reserved family. Neither

feels her husband’s mother is controlling

family dynamic is wrong, just differ-

and formidable. It likewise speaks to the

ent. The author notes, if the couple

mother who sees her son’s new wife as

maintain a healthy attitude toward the

ungrateful and an obstacle to the relation-

differences, they’ll forge their own

ship she has forged with her son over a life-

customs and norms, borrowing from

time.

the best of both backgrounds.

Whither Thou Goest’s 28 chapters

Shapiro’s book also addresses the misunderstandings that arise after grandchildren are born. New mothers may perceive their

Whither Thou Goest: The Jewish In-Laws’ Survival Guide. By Sorah Shapiro. Devorah Publishing. New York. Jerusalem. London. 2008. 268 pp. $24.95.

your in-laws even when they don’t like you to how be “an A+” mother-

mothers-in-law as questioning their parenting skills, while the enthusiastic grandmothers perceive their

in-law, avoiding over-involvement, always a recipe for disaster.

daughters-in-law as unappreciative of the wise advice they have to

Advice from rabbis and psychologists ensures the content is

offer from their years of experience. And that is the underlying

theologically sound, psychologically accurate, and practical.

premise of the book: that arguments and complications are usually the result of flawed perceptions.

Especially interesting are case histories detailing conflicts and

94

cover everything from honoring

One chapter that lists the traits common to mothers- and daughters-in-law who have wholesome relationships is especially helpful.

how they were handled from both the mother-in-law’s and

For mothers-in-law, those traits include: not offering unso-

daughters-in-law’s perspective. The reader gains insight into how

licited advice; treating her daughter-in-law like a daughter; and

| CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS | JS TYLE | WEDDINGS 2009

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being mindful not to regard her as the interloper who made off with her precious son.

The daughter-in-law is admonished: to give her husband free reign to honor his mother with calls, visits and tokens of love and to appreciate her mother-in-law’s wealth of experience and wisdom.

It occurred to me while reading this book that, with the exception of the chapter on “Ten Tips for Getting Along with Your In-Laws,” very little content is geared toward fathers-in-law or new husbands. Then I remembered a good laugh a number of my friends and I had shared discussing various books we had read on marital harmony. While each of us had read numerous books on the subject, the sum total of those read by our husbands was zero.

Shapiro’s book is targeted to the people who will take the time to

73059

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TRADITIONS

096-097_jsW_25_shtick

PHOTOS/EFRAIM TABAK

Sara and Akiva Cooperman, left, enter their reception, beneath flower arches created by their friends. Highflying acrobatics are always a hit with wedding guests.

the chicken dance(s)–

wedding shtick by amy newman smith

BEING a guest at a Jewish wedding means more than sending

the concept of men dancing with men and women dancing with

your response card back on time and not ruining the photogra-

women can seem unusual for those who didn’t grow up with it.

pher’s shots with your own bright flash. A good guest fulfills the

But, as he notes, “At a regular dance club, everybody is dancing

mitzvah of gladdening the bride and groom. At many Orthodox

for themselves.” If you aren’t a good social dancer, you don’t feel

weddings, that means entertaining the newlyweds on the most

good dancing.

important night of their lives.

happy feet At the heart of the celebration is the dancing. Separated by a

mechitzah (divider), male guests dance with and for the groom,

96

But at an Orthodox wedding, the point is to show the bride and groom that you are happy for them. And that happiness can shine through even if you have two left feet.

bring on the jugglers

while female guests do the same with the bride. In the thick of it,

In addition to the dancing, guests entertain the newlyweds

are the couple’s closest family and friends, as well as those with

with what is commonly known as shtick. Wedding photographer

the best dancing skills and greatest endurance. Concentric circles

Efraim Tabak says the best shtick is based on jokes that have grown

swirl around the bride and groom, with dancers moving in and

up among friends or within families and is often based on per-

out to give everyone a chance to perform.

sonal interests of the bride or groom.

Yosef Aryeh Greenberger of Shir Chodosh Orchestras has been

He recalls photographing a wedding with a groom from the

playing at weddings for almost 18 years. He acknowledges that

Netherlands. Guests wore traditional Dutch wooden shoes. At a

| CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS | JS TYLE | WEDDINGS 2009

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Page 97

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yarn braids. At his own wedding, Greenberger recalls a friend dancing with him while playing a saxophone outfitted with a wireless microphone.

Then there are the silly costumes. You won’t see the Chicken

erest!

No Int yment!

No Pa Months!

For 12

Dance at an Orthodox wedding, but you might well see a bride or groom dancing with someone dressed as a chicken. It may sound silly, says Greenberger, but “if you’ve made (the bride and groom) laugh, you’ve made them happy.” And that’s the heart of the mitzvah.

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the guests, if not with the manager of the wedding hall.

Ruchi Koval points out that good shtick doesn’t just happen.

Friends and family start planning for it as soon as the engagement is announced. A formal “shtick meeting” might even be held. In many cities, Cleveland included, planners can borrow shtick items, including giant umbrellas and flowered arches, from a shtick free-loan collection.

“It’s very heartwarming for the bride and groom when you see that your friends have gone out of their way to make your wedding special,” Koval says. “It’s also plain old fun.”

After the formality of the chupah, the reception is the time for friends and family to put all their emotions and happiness into action. When your mother-in-law is willing to stand up in a room full of people and twirl a baton (complete with behind the back tosses), you can (speaking from this writer’s personal experience) feel the love. When “all these people are doing things to make you

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memories are made of this

| JS TYL E | WEDDINGS 2009 | 97

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st

TRADITIONS

1 shabbat

Glass and copper enamel kiddush cup, Treasures Gift Shop at the JCC.

Stained glass and metal “floral” candleholders, Jacob’s Judaic Book and Gift Center.

Shabbat candlesticks in sterling silver and enamel with fused crystal and metal charms, Robert & Gabriel Jewelers.

Ornamental “ball” kiddush cup, Jacob’s Judaic Book and Gift Center.

Aqua anodized candlesticks, Jacob’s Judaic Book and Gift Center.

098-099_jsW_SHABBAT

1/6/09

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Page 3

beth segal photography

Tree of Life kiddush cup, Robert & Gabriel Jewelers.

Second Temple kiddush cup, Maltz Museum of Jewish Heritage.

Stainless steel mini-vase/goblet, Robert & Gabriel Jewelers.

Sterling silver and glass candlesticks, Maltz Museum of Jewish Heritage.

Israeli porcelain star kiddush cup, Robert & Gabriel Jewelers.

Floral ceramic kiddush cup, Treasures Gift Shop at the Jewish Community Center.

1/23/09

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TRADITION

100-101_jsW_06_tenaim

what’s old is new again by ozzie nogg

the european custom of tenaim is making a comeback at jewish weddings UNDER the heading Jewish Wedding Customs, one could say, “Everything old is new again.” Here’s proof: According to numerous How-To-Plan-Your-Jewish-Wedding websites, modern couples have resurrected tenaim (a 12th-century Ashkenazic tradition) and – arried

after retrofitting the ritual – eagerly add the ceremony to their Big Day. You’re invited to embrace this custom, too. But first, some back story.

In European shtetls, tenaim (conditions) was a formal engageMillicent Cohen and Alex Rosenberg were married December 28, 1947 at Lake Shore Country Club in Cleveland. Rabbi Barnett Brickner officiated at the ceremony. The couple recently celebrated their 61st anniversary.

ment ceremony at which parents of the girl and parents of the boy agreed to betroth their two children. During the celebration, a contract was signed, witnessed, and read to the assemblage. This document set the date and time of the wedding – typically many months off – and outlined prenuptial obligations of each family regarding the dowry, a gift for the groom, plus other financial and logistical matters.

The contract included a proviso that the party who breaks the agreement before the wedding (p’tui, p’tui) must pay a stiff fine to the injured party. To seal the bargain, the future mothers-in-law smashed dishes on the floor. Some authorities say this symbolizes the impending breaks in their relationships with their children while recognizing that a new family is created – a family with lives of their own, who now are responsible for taking care of and feeding each other.

Although the tenaim document – unlike the ketubah – is not a Jewish legal requirement for marriage, the tenaim had clout. In fact, the 18th-century leader of Lithuanian Jewry, Rabbi Elijah ben Solomon Zalman (aka the Vilna Gaon) maintained that breaking the obligations of the agreement – backing down on one’s word – is

Mary Fisher and Morris Schloss were married in 1906. Settling first in Dunkirk, N.Y., they moved to Cleveland to ensure their daughter would meet a Jewish husband.

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| CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS | JS TYLE | WEDDINGS 2009

reprehensible, far worse than divorce.

The Gaon also weighed in on tenaim plates and demanded they be ceramic, since “just as a ceramic plate cannot be repaired, so the

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families should be warned not to renege on their commitments.”

(Word has it that unmarried women will trample over one another for a piece of the broken crockery, because it’s considered a talisman that leads to romance and chupah. Could be …)

While modern tenaim ceremonies are based on the old model, today’s couples usually shift the focus from traditional legal formalities to personal conditions and concerns – both current and future – that express their love, trust, shared values, and commitment to the covenant of marriage.

These conditions often include: 73060

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Some couples still plan tenaim as an anticipatory celebration well in advance of the nuptials. Others choose the weekend of the wedding, often at havdalah, since the separation made between Shabbat and the rest of the week can also mark the distinction between “single” and “married.” Many brides and grooms schedule tenaim on the wedding day itself, an hour or so before the actual marriage. Any option works.

Clearly, modern tenaim celebrations can be original – even improvisational – while still including meaningful family traditions that link past, present and future. Additional proof that with Jewish

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Couples usually shift the focus from traditional legal formalities to personal conditions and concerns. n

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www.WeddingsInCleveland.com CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS

!

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TRADITION

ZÄtÇvx Utv~

&

get smashed…

mazel tov by amy newman smith

A JEWISH wit once explained why the groom smashes the glass under the chupah: He needs one last chance to put his foot down.

Tradition tells us the glass is smashed to remind us that even at one of the most joyful moments in life, we should pause to remember the world’s imperfection and destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem, says Rabbi Yehuda Appel of Aish HaTorah.

There are other explanations for the tradition. One is based on the premise of beginning something new — like a new life together. You have to “break through” the old status quo to start fresh.

Finally, Appel notes, some sources say the breaking of the glass is based on the concept that we should “serve the Almighty with fear, Adelle Hoffman and Phil Hart were married in Cleveland at the old Euclid Avenue Temple by Rabbi Barnett Brickner, January 9, 1949.

Adelle’s parents, Pauline Katz and Harry Hoffman, married in Cleveland in 1917.

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| CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS | JS TYLE | WEDDINGS 2009

joy, and trembling.” The breaking of the glass fulfills the notion of

In 1926, Rae Solomon married Adelle’s uncle Meyer Hoffman in Cleveland.

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trembling in the Almighty’s presence.

Smashing a glass isn’t as simple as it looks. To paraphrase your mother, “It’s only funny until the groom hurts his foot.”

More than one groom in Cleveland learned too late that it’s critical to place a thin glass underfoot, not some heavy lead crystal number. (Some rabbis recommend using a lightbulb.)

I remember a wedding where the groom escaped a metatarsal mishap but failed to demolish the glass on the first attempt. He reddened visibly as we all yelled, “Mazel tov,”

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before realizing he needed a second go at it.

Davidovich of Heights Jewish Center says he’s heard of grooms spending their wedding night at a hospital being treated for cuts or embedded glass. To avoid that, he recommends stomping down with the thickest

part of the shoe, the heel.

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wrap the glass in something that will contain all the broken pieces.

For his part, Rabbi Raphael

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sense: Wrap the glass in something that will contain all the broken pieces — a towel or cloth napkin that completely encases the glass or even a small pillowcase. Of course, you can always go online to sites like jewishweddingcollection.com and buy a beautiful “groom’s glass” that comes with a companion bag for between $20 and $40.

But what to do with that glass once it’s broken? It can’t be put back together of course, but at sites like jewishwedding

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to $375, depending on the item you choose. Or, for a strictly decorative item, you can simply place the shards of glass inside a clear container.

There is much to celebrate at a Jewish wedding, but each one has its nail-biting moments. If you’ve ever seen a groom injured in a “glass incident” or a bride dropped from her perch on a lifted chair (those dresses can be slippery), you know a Jewish wedding is the place for simchah (joy), but it’s no place for sissies. n

CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS

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TRADITION

many faces of marriage by violet spevack

the common interests that brought these couples together keep their marriages strong and vibrant IN

PERFECT HARMONY

Music was in the air when 20-year-old Clevelander Laurel Robuck and 21-year-old Israeli Chanan Barr were counselors at Camp Wise in 1977. She was the music specialist, recommended by her dance teacher Fred Sternbach, Who also gets credit for being the matchmaker, because he sent her right into the arms of the camp’s shaliach Chanan Barr.

Barr had just completed his army service, and armed with his musical talents, he auditioned to be sent to a summer camp in the States. It was beshert (fate) that he landed at Camp Wise. A summer of high notes and perfect harmony for Laurel and Chanan ended with his returning to Israel.

But, he left his heart in Cleveland. After a year of phone calls (at $3 a minute then) and letters, Chanan returned to Cleveland. They were married June 12, 1979, at Park Synagogue.

Laurel and Chanan’s Solon home reverberates with the sounds of music. Laurel is cantor of Temple Emanu El. Chanan heads his own software company. Still “the music man” at home, he helped produce Laurel’s CDs. Chanan also plays guitar with the Chai Band at the monthly Chai services at Emanu El. Now, Laurel and Chanan are looking forward to being grandparents. Daughter Sharon and her husband Hillel Skolnik are

COMMUNITY

Jill and Jeffrey Muencz

DANCING THE

expecting. Laurel and Chanan’s son Howard is looking forward to being an uncle. And the music goes on!

INVOLVMENT

If you’re looking for stimulating friendships or love and romance, get involved in a Jewish organization.

A perfect example is Jill Brenner and Jeffrey Muencz. The two met in 1998, when both were on the Young Leadership board of the Jewish National Fund. Their first date, at a Cleveland Indians game, was a winner, both for the Indians and for Jill and Jeff, who discovered they had a lot in common in addition to their love of baseball. They were married

March 26, 2000, at Park Synagogue, where Jill is a second-grade teacher.

Before long, the Muenczes started their own baseball team with twin sons, Ben and Ryan, 7, and Jake, 4. Jeff, 40, a CPA, is treasurer of the board of trustees at Montefiore.

Being actively Jewish defines who we are, Jill maintains proudly. “We like to volunteer and give of our time and talents. Most of all, Jeff and I are friends and soul-mates.”

NIGHTS AWAY

Lil Howard, 75, and her ever-loving husband Hugo celebrated his milestone 80th birthday dancing the nights away on a Scandinavian cruise. They also won the dance contest. Par for the course for this delightful “younger than springtime” couple, who celebrated their 35th wedding anniversary some months later on another cruise. They won the dance contest again.

Their first date, in September 1973, was dancing under the stars in Cain Park’s amphitheatre. He was captivated with her.

“I’m coming back to marry you,” promised the dapper, native Londoner who had come to Cleveland to visit cousins.

He went back to London but returned to Cleveland in December. Hugo proposed, and they married on June 24, 1974, at Park 104

Chanan and Laurel Barr

| CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS | JS TYLE | WEDDINGS 2009

Synagogue. Hugo landed a job as a car salesman, and the couple moved into Lil’s home.

In 1987, Lil retired as assistant principal of John Hay High School. Five years later, Hugo retired as top salesman at Jaguar Auto Agency and was promptly hired as the maitre d’, greeting guests at Landerhaven. He is a born “welcome man.” Now, he greets visitors at the Maltz Museum, where he and Lil are the first couple on the floor at Wednesday dance evenings.

The couple have much in common. He’s a great storyteller, and so is she! They follow each other in roles of leadership. He was a three-term president of Hungarian Benevolent Social Union (HBSU), and she is the current president. They are both on the board of Alliwise and former co-presidents of

Hugo and Lillian Howard the Saturday Night Dance Club. They are the first couple to trip the light fantastic at the summer concerts at Legacy Village and the Beachwood pool.

The only place they argue, says Lil, is in the kitchen. Both are terrific cooks and bakers. n

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A D V E RT I S E R S D I R E C TO RY

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A Classic Florist . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .31 A-1 Mr. Limo . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .88 A L Wain Co. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .45 All Brides Beautiful . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .45 Alson . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .3 Amy Roth & Co. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .103 Andy Rock Fine Art Services . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .31 Antrobus Designs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .83 Archie’s Bakery . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .88 Ascherman Photography . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .71 Aspire Fitness . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .95 Babin Building Solutions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .91 Beachwood Plastic Surgery & Medical Spa . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .11 Beau Coiffure . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .38 Bertram Inn & Conference Center . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .65 Bistro 185 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .83 Bling and Things . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .97 Blue Canyon . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .27 Bonnie Davis Catering . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .63 Bonnie’s Goubaud . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .25 Break the Glass Keepsake . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .83 Cafe 56 Catering . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .71 Calvetta Bros. Floor Show . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .2 The Catering Company . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .23 Chagrin Valley Athletic Club . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .21 Champps . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .79 Chocolate Emporium . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .79 Cleveland Botanical Garden . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .27 Cleveland Jewish News . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .73 Cleveland Museum of Natural History . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .55 Congregation B’nai Jeshurun . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .57 Contempo Cuisine Kosher Catering . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .67 Cosmetic Surgery Institute . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .15 Courtyard by Marriott/Beachwood . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .55 Creative Beauty Salon & Spa . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .53 Crystal Illusions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .17 Cutting Room Fabrics . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .103 Daisy Hill . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .53 Dick Blake Studio . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .27 Dillard’s . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .7 Don Drumm Studios & Gallery . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .81 Electrolysis & Permanent Cosmetic Center . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .67 Exclusive Eyelash Design and Spa . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .87 Exclusive Invites Plus . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .31 Executive Caterers at Landerhaven . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .108 Facial Plastic & Aesthetic Laser Center . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .31 Faralli Custom Kitchens & Baths . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .61 Fashion Floors . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .97 Fine Points Inc. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .23 Flowers by Stazzone . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .47 Furniture Corp. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .88 GS Special Events, Ltd. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .23 Hilton Garden Inn, Cleveland/Twinsburg . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .71 Hilton Garden Inn, Cleveland/Downtown . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .41 Hope Fromson . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .67 Howard Hanna, Peggy Garr . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .33 Howard Hanna, Adam Kaufman . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .61 Howard Hanna, Paul Blumberg & Associates . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .79 InterContinental Hotel & Conference Center . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .4 J. Hall Design . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .5 Jacobs Judaic Book & Gift Center . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .45 Jerry Bruno Productions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .63 Jewelry Art . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .21

| CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS | JS TYLE | WEDDINGS 2009

Kim Ponsky Photography . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .16 L’nique Linens . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .103 La Coiffe . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .67 Lavish Color Salon . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .41 Lax & Mandel Kosher Bakery . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .67 LCD Photography & Videography . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .57 Lee Jewelers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .63 Lisa Moran Ltd. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .57 London Cleaners . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .69 Lucy’s Sweet Surrender . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .45 Marc & Jason Photography . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .18 Marriott Cleveland East . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .43 Marsha’s Carry-out & Catering . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .31 Matina’s . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .69 Mt. Sinai Center for Jewish Genetic Disorders . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .85 Mulholland & Sachs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .87 NCA Financial . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .83 New Image Photography . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .107 New York Life Insurance Co., Sidney G. Halpern . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .19 Nicholas Jewelers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .57 Nola True . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .95 North Coast Events . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .63 NorthCoast Portraits . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .88 Noteworthy Events LLC . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .79 Opus Gallery . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .79 Pandora Jewelry . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .69 Paper Trails of Rocky River . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .65 Park Synagogue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .93 Park Synagogue Charlotte Goldberg Mikvah . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .29 Party Décor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .55 PEF Federal Credit Union . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .93 Pennello Gallery . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .25 Peter Danford Fine Jewelry & Gifts . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .53 PF Designs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .65 Plantscaping / Blooms . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .23 Pollack Studio . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .29 Positive Negative Photography . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .41 The Powder Room Boutique . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .38 The Refinishing Center Inc. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .101 Rinaldi Jewelry . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .71 Ritz-Carlton Cleveland . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .8, 9 Robert & Gabriel . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .49 Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .57 Run Avril Run, Avril Berg . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .25 Sammys . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .63 Sanity . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .33 Sensational Celebrations . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .63 Severance Hall/Musical Arts Assoc. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .47 Sheraton Furniture . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .73 Sofia Photography . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .12 Special Productions, Inc. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .53 Sposabella . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .103 Stan Hywet Hall & Gardens . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .81 Studio Three Salon . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .45 The Union Club . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .13 Ungers Kosher Bakery & Food Shop . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .41 Villa Collections Design . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .81 Village Square Shopping Center . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .29 Walden . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .6 Weddings in Cleveland . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .101 Windows on the River . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .33 Wood Trader . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .61 Yiddishe Cup Klezmer Band/Bert Stratton . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .57

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