FOMO ISSUE #12
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THE THE BEST BEST OF OF THE THE VILLAGE VILLAGE
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Last Saturday night, I waved goodbye to all my offspring, thanked the Gods of Happy Marriages for business trips for husbands to far off lands, got dressed up (in pantoffels, sweatshirt and holey leggings,), and poured myself a giant glass of Pinot. I grabbed a mug of soup with – such luxury (!) – some precious Marmite toast. I stoked the fire, turned the lights down low, called my best, handsome, young man (Lionel, the dog) to my side and fired up the last 5 episodes of Better Things, probably my 3rd favourite TV series of all time. I then proceeded to enjoy my extremely Old Lady Evening, at home, very much indeed. A night alone, in front of the fire, in pantoffels. Bliss. The younger me would have hated such a socially desperate, dull evening, solo. Throughout my 20s, Saturday nights were date nights, party nights, getting up to mischief nights. I remember with enormous fondness, and some wistfulness, that heady feeling of pulling on the smallest, tightest, highest things in my wardrobe and hitting the town filled with the anticipation of what the night would bring. How lovely was all that? And it’s not that these, older days, I don’t occasionally still indulge in those more energetic nights, but… oh my goodness. Middle-aged at home, in front of the fire, is underrated.
There’s something so lovely about the calm, the selfishness, and the peace of now. If we use it properly, later middle age is, for parents, a reward for enduring the almost cartoon-like shambles of parenting babies, toddlers, tweens, and teens. Go me! I have survived Parenting Ground Zero (their ages 13 – 18,) not once, but three times, so far! I deserve my prize of the dinner I wanted to eat (soup and a sandwich) not the dinners demanded by the hungry hoards. I deserve peace and quiet. I deserve looking after ME. Maybe next Saturday, I’ll pull on something unsuitable and go out partying with my equally punch drunk, liberated parenting survivor buddies. Why not? The very best thing about being middle-aged is… we can! If you’ve got younger children, guys, there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Strength to your bow. An emptying nest comes quicker than you believe. It has its heartache, but it does deliver its joys as well. And. Then. If you’re one of us lucky ones? The parents of car-driving, university-going, independent young adults, like me? Can I recommend Better Things? There are 50 episodes to watch. Go on. Settle in! You deserve it!
There’s something so lovely about this period in our lives, when the kids are beginning to find their feet and their way, when their lives don’t require our supervision, where we are definitely, happily becoming less important to those who have required our attention for every minute, every second of the past 100 years. (Oh. It only feels like 100 years? Gotcha.) 01
Vanessa 1422 posts 45 972 comments 44 800 members FOMO #12
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DISCIPLINARY HEARINGS EXPLAINED When your child faces a disciplinary hearing at school it can feel daunting for both your child – and you. Thank you, Villager – and Bergvliet High School principal – Stephen Price for this invaluable advice you offered when a parent asked if they should consider involving a lawyer for their son’s hearing, and whether he could adjust the statement he had given about the incident: 1 You don’t need a lawyer. You can be 1. in the hearing with your son to support him. Lawyers simply make a hearing messy. In the many, many hearings I have instituted over 15 years, only three brought lawyers and to be frank they made matters worse. 2 You are quite within your rights to 2. issue a new statement. You can explain in this statement why you are making a new statement. You can submit that statement before or at the hearing. 3 Your son is entitled to bring his own 3. witnesses to “prove” his version of events. This might be difficult because he is suspended but if he gives you some names, you can contact the school to tell them you are approaching witnesses. You have a right to do so. These should be independent witnesses who can VERIFY your son’s version and not his buddies simply telling fibs on his behalf. 4 You are entitled to all the evidence 4. against your son BEFORE the hearing in order for you to prepare for the hearing. Ask the school to provide the evidence… video evidence or written statements from their witnesses. 03
5 I suggest you search online for 5. Provincial Gazette 6939 which details ALL the processes of a hearing. It outlines precisely what can and must happen. 6 Once you have prepared his version of 6. events and witnesses etc, you need to prepare a statement of mitigation. This is basically a statement in which you ask the SGB to soften (mitigate) the consequences for specific reasons. This is used if he is found guilty and they ask you for arguments in mitigation… like first offense, show remorse, apologise etc… a belligerent attitude denying everything and not taking responsibility doesn’t go down well. Propose suspension from school… and even time served… and counselling… and ask them not to recommend expulsion. 7. 7 Remember this is a hearing NOT a court case. The “worst” the SGB can do is RECOMMEND expulsion to the WCED. That is assuming this is a WCED school and not a private school. The school will have to show what interventions they applied to help your son with his “previous misconduct” assuming he has been in trouble regularly for misconduct rather than serious misconduct. FOMO #12
T H E ST R U G G L E IS REAL What is it with our eyes? It’s like you wake up on your 40th birthday to a totally different – blurry – world which means you can’t read your Whatsapps, have no idea if you’re reaching for the shampoo or conditioner in the shower and have to blindly point to unknown dishes on the menu! Your comments under Gabi Milne’s posts made us laugh – once we’d put on our specs! – and you’ve got some good solves.
K IN G EA SY-P EA SY B A
1-2-3 Peanut butter cookies 1. Mix together 1 cup of peanut butter + 1 cup of caster sugar + 1 egg 2. Drop spoonfuls of mixture onto a lined baking sheet and cook for 5 minutes at 180° C 3. Dunk, eat and enjoy!
nius, e g s i s i Th Julia! d n a e i Melan
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FOMO #12
SO WHAT DOESN’T GO IN YOUR
AIRFRYER? Mumtaz Moosa Saley is a newly inducted member of the Airfryer Cult. She asked for suggestions on what to cook in it and besides the many “Everything!” comments, you also suggested these: • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
Frozen croissants Pork sausages Whole chicken Butternut Reheating slap chips Bacon Ribs Sweet potato fries Fish fingers Chicken schnitzel Pies Lamb shanks Pizza Chicken wings with Ina Paarman basting sauce
share your sparkle!
Got an evening dress you no longer wear or lovely heels and accessories? Or perhaps your husband has a suit hanging in his closet that no longer fits? Pass them on to one of these organisations and help a young woman or man’s Matric Dance dreams come true. 05
FOMO #12
The Princess Project Dressitforward. net Fairy Godmother Project
Things I've learn t parenting
A TEEN BOY Thank you for sharing, Ann Ellis Brown. Sometimes we need these gentle reminders
1 They’re far more sensitive than they’d ever admit. 1. 2 They won’t outwardly ask for it, but they need 2. your hugs, backrubs and high fives. 3 Your best conversations will happen in the car 3. or late at night. 4 They need to know you trust and respect them. 4. 5 They need room to make mistakes. 5. 6 Food will always put a smile on their face. 6. 7 Space and privacy are important to them. 7. 8 They care deeply and want to please you. 8. 9 Your steadfast love makes them feel stronger 9. and empowered.
It's like no one in my family appreciates that I stayed up all night overthinking for them. - Mom
UP YOUR HAPPY
5 simple habits that will make you love your life more
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K IN G EA SY-P EA SY B A
Accept a compliment. The next time someone tells you that you have a lovely smile, or they love your dress, don’t deflect or deny their compliment. Simply say ‘thank you’.
Egg-free chocolate cake
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1. Mix together 1 ½ cups flour + 1 cup sugar + 3 Tbsp cocoa + 1 tsp bicarb + ½ tsp salt
2. Mix together 5 Tbsp oil + 1 Tbsp vinegar + 1 cup water + 1 tsp vanilla 3. Add oil mix to flour mix and beat well
Be grateful. Taking time to jot down the small, good things that happen each day really does make you feel more appreciative of what you have.
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Dress up just for you. It really is that simple. Take time to look and feel your best – slip on your favourite dress, use your lipstick, wear your precious jewellery.
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4. Pour into greased 18 x 25cm baking tin and cook for 30 minutes at 180° C 5. Top with chocolate icing or icing sugar and cut into squares.
Prep ahead. Before you head to bed make a to-do list for the next day so that you can go to sleep and rest easy knowing what the next day holds.
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10 Th erseas u i ng v o ni v s t fo r er
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Vanessa Raphaely shares her first-hand experience...
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n the space of four chaotic months last year, my husband and I made the whirlwind decision to pull our son out of second year Mechatronics at a South African university and send him abroad, to study at Edinburgh University in Scotland. There was a flurry of reasons for the decision, not least the wholly unexpected arrival of an incredibly generous windfall, which enabled us to even contemplate such a possibility. When, as a parent, you first allow yourself to even dream of being in the position to allow a child such a privilege, it is hard to think past the positives: the doors an international degree will open; the standard of teaching your child will be exposed to; the networks they will forge; the experiences, adventures and challenges they will face… But in reality, there’s a LOT you should consider before sending in their application – the whole process left my head spinning! 07
No longer a family of 5 for dinner, his empty bedroom, the vast distance between us left at home and him, living his new uni life, and the inevitable financial cost (windfall or not!). My son is almost at the end of his first year now, and he is happy and flourishing. We (his parents and siblings) have mopped up our tears at his departure and adapted to our new reality (HOW did parents survive before the advent of WhatsApp?). However, if we had to do it again, I think I’d do it differently. Here are my top 10 tips of what to consider before taking this huge step: E DU CA T E Y O U R S E L F F I R S T Which country, which system, which university, which degree? Those are just the first questions to ask. You need help and information to make a choice that works, not just for your child, but for your family too. Start off at an Expo, such as The FOMO #12
Global Education Study Abroad Expo, which we are currently partnering with on the Village. Global Education represents over 300 first class universities and colleges and will be running their highly regarded events throughout May in Cape Town, Johannesburg, Pretoria, Durban, and Zimbabwe. Take this opportunity to engage in person with representatives of 40 universities. You can get more information here, www.globaleducationexpo.co.za. GET A GOOD OVE RVIE W Give yourself a thorough overview of everything it takes to make the right choice by downloading The Village’s University Speaking Digizine. HEAR YOUR CH IL D OUT Maxine Kruger, Counselor and Admissions Officer at Global Education, says it is crucial to involve your child and listen to their expectations and anxieties about studying abroad and leaving home. We often tell them, “When I was at university this is what I did.” Instead, let them create their own idea of what they want. You can phrase it like this: “I am excited for you, and I hope this is everything that you want.” D O THE MA TH S Ensure that you have chosen the right option for your bank balance! There are, surprisingly, many opportunities in many different countries where the tuition fees are similar to what you may end up paying in South Africa. Inform yourself by doing the research. Not only did we discover that Edinburgh is an extremely expensive option, but we had not factored in the Scottish system of a 4-year undergraduate degree! Ouch. PREP PSYCH OL OG ICA L L Y Counsellor Heidi Sulcas, editor of University Speaking and MD of The Learner’s Journey, says everyone needs to be psychologically prepared. “It’s so exciting for them,” says Heidi, “but feels like the end of so many things to us as parents.” Maxine Kruger 08
reminds parents to be kind to themselves. “It’s not easy to say goodbye either to your child or the phase of your life when all your children are together at home. You will need to mourn that loss.” JO I N A F A CE B O O K G R O U P The UK-based Facebook group, What I Wish I Knew About University (WIWIKAU), for example, is an invaluable resource for parents. It also has specific sub-groups for parents of universities you might be interested in exploring further. There are many similar groups for parents of many universities and colleges elsewhere too. Find them and join them! FOMO #12
"There are two gifts we should give our children: one is roots, and the other is wings."
C HEC K RA NK ING A ND FE E S In a post on WIWIKAU, university advisor Louise Fernet suggests checking international tuition fee levels, “as it can differ greatly between universities of the same reputation”. But don’t be too swayed by rankings – it is far more important to find an option which you can afford, and which offers the course and experience that fits your child. D O N ’T FORGE T A B OUT AC C O MMODA TION Be alert to the challenges of securing accommodation, post the first year. Another parent on WIWIKAU, Laura Moffatt, noted that many landlords abroad do not like taking overseas guarantors. Leaving over a summer and then having to come back to find somewhere to live can cause problems, so be prepared upfront to face this challenge. UND ER STA ND L OCA L ISSUE S Alert yourself to local issues affecting universities. Kate Parsons, a WIWIKAU parent with children in universities in both the UK and US, said that she had had no idea about the rolling industrial action affecting UK universities. Her daughter 09
studying in the UK through the pandemic received no pastoral care at all and then had to cope with ongoing strike action. She is graduating, says Kate, being able to count the face-to-face weeks of tuition on one hand. Her sister in the States was assisted by her university throughout the pandemic with food parcels, library books delivered to her door, a buddy system, assistance with finding accommodation in the community and counselling. “We only receive invoices from the UK!” Kate added. E M P O W E R Y O U R CH I L D Ensure your child knows how to budget, cook, and clean. Ensure they are robust, street smart, independent and tough enough to deal with the academic, social, and mental challenges that will inevitably come their way. Make sure THEY want to go. Remember that South African universities are still highly regarded and that educated South Africans are highly successful wherever they find themselves internationally. Sacrificing your family life to send a child abroad is a loss for parents. It is both wonderful and terrible. But if your child really wants to go? Get cracking on the research! FOMO #12
LOOKING TO STUDY ABROAD? HOSTING CITIES >
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Global Education’s Study Abroad Expo 2022 is the leading education event that helps introduce International Study & opportunity to meet the Universities that we represent in person.
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PRE-BOOK ONLINE TODAY: ABOUT US:
We focus on ensuring that all our prospective and current students have access to the best information that Universities can offer and provide. We believe the right information is essential for any student that wants to prepare a plan and be efficiently ready for studying at an internationally recognised university.
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CONTACT US FOR MORE INFORMATION +27 (0)11 268 6545 infoglobal@global-education.co.za www.globaleducation.co.za 08
FOMO #11
5 TI P S TO
UP THE HAPPY IN YOUR HOME! • 10-MINUTE TASKS All you need is 10 minutes to bring a little order to chaos. Tackle one small task a day – that messy kitchen drawer, your entrance hall table, your bathroom cabinet – and set a timer so you don’t get sidetracked!
• WELCOME SCENT Place a diffuser near your front door so that you get a welcome waft of scent the minute you arrive home. • LIGHT FANTASTIC Fill a tray with scented and pillar candles then light them up and relish the glow. • SINGLE BLOOMS Next time you’re at the supermarket buy yourself a bunch of roses. Now break up the bunch, snip the stems and place a single rose in small bottles and vases throughout your living space. • SIMPLE SWITCH Give your lounge a whole new look by changing up your cushion covers. Look for warm winter colours and mix plain with patterned to keep things interesting. 11
FOMO #12
New YA books for your teen
"Popcorn is prepared in the same pot, the same heat, in the same oil, and yet, the kernels do not pop at the same time. Don't compare your child to other children. Their turn to pop is coming."
It’s true – a person can never be bored or lonely if they have a love for reading. These books targeted at teens will help nurture and grow their inner bookworm – and set them up for a lifetime of good literary company!
Family of Liars by E. Lockhart (R190, Hot Key) This prequel to the New York Times #1 best seller and TikTok sensation, We Were Liars, is a thrilling page-turner. It transports readers back to another summer, another generation, and more secrets and deceit.
‘COMPLETE WINNER!’
This game comes highly recommended by the Village’s Chairman of the ‘Board’, Vanessa (and trust us, she knows a thing or two about board games!)
“You basically work together to NOT be “mediocre” or “average”. We loved it. Fantastic gift for late teens / YA and up. Teens might think they’re too cool for it… fools. ”
My Heart & Other Breakables by Alex Barclay (R250, HarperCollins) This is the diary of Ellery Brown. The 15-year-old has recently lost her mother and is desperate to trace her father. She’s narrowed it down to three possible authors, men who mother know. But to get to them, she will need a passport, airline tickets and a plan to elude her grandmother. This Will Be Funny Someday by Katie Henry (R195, HarperCollins) Izzy is painfully shy, so how is it that she has found herself a part of Chicago’s open mic scene, taking to the stage with her standup comedy routine? And how has she found herself surrounded by new friends who think she is a lot older than 16? How long can she keep her secrets? She Gets The Girl by Rachael Lippincott and Alyson Derrick (R205, Simon & Schuster) When headstrong Alex tries to help her new friend Molly attract the attention of the girl of her dreams their love stories become intertwined.
Available at Takealot 12
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THANKS, VILLAGERS!
15 Genius ways to slash your grocery bill 1 ESE GET TH APPS!
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! E BULK
Mom! Can you make me some hot
chocolate?
MaKE IT YOURSELF! N OMU . Y E S PL E A S E .
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