Is it humanly possible to be truly non-judgmental? By Jane Porter Many coaches happily claim to be entirely ‘non-judgmental’. I’m happy to admit I’ve made the same claim on numerous occasions. However, the more I learn about coaching (and myself), the more I’m led to question this claim, including my own version of it. So, let’s explore the question, is it humanly possible to be truly non-judgmental? Fresh from a recent break, I find myself smiling wryly at this concept of ‘coaches being non-judgmental’. I spent a lot of time with family over this period, which I’m fortunate to say was largely a positive experience, but was I ever truly non-judgmental during this time? Not a chance! Whilst I was not in the role of ‘coach’, as a way of dealing with the family mayhem I would find quiet moments by becoming present with myself and observing myself in the dynamic. My challenge to myself during these moments was ‘ok let’s just see how non-judgmental you really are’. You can probably predict the result of my experiment. Picture the scene…a large family gathering, relations of all ages from zero to 80 something, it’s hot, it’s noisy, kids, food
and dogs everywhere, and my brain was busying itself with all sorts of interesting thoughts… ‘What is C wearing? B is quiet today. F can’t keep those kids under control. K looks well… I could go on… and on…and on. Earlier in the piece I did say that it was largely a positive experience, so what was it that was causing my
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brain to engage in judgement with almost every thought? The in-depth answer to that question is well beyond the scope of these few lines, but let’s have a look at what’s happening through an explicit and implicit lens. On an explicit level I’ll happily tell you I’m non-judgmental and I had a great
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