To Coach or Not – How Do You Know When to Coach? By Marcia Reynolds, PsyD, Master Certified Coach
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ow do you know when someone wants to be coached, even if they say they do?
When I was learning how to coach, I jumped to practice whenever I could. Once, when a colleague tried to coach me on a situation when I wanted an ear to vent, I shut her down. I heard myself say, “Stop coaching me. Right now, I just need a friend.” That woke me up to my own intrusions. No matter how good you are at asking questions, there must be a willingness to engage in coaching for you to be effective. Outside of a formally declared coaching session, ask people if they would like some coaching before you start probing. You might ask, “What is it you need from me right now?” Often, people just want to be listened to, especially if they feel hurt or are grieving a loss. Even if someone says they want coaching, make sure they are willing to engage with you. The person must demonstrate willingness to question their own thoughts and motivations, not just seek affirmation for their views. They might just want you to take the time to create a plan, but they aren’t open to being coached around the plan’s purpose, practicality, or contingencies. However, don’t assume defensiveness or hesitation means they are uncoachable. Ask what is causing the push-back or uncertainty. They may respond defensively, but then willingly describe what they are thinking about.
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