ON MY MIND
RE: FW: FW: Read This!! by Paul Kandarian
I take no credit for these quick jokes – or for most of them anyway, since I made up a few. They are largely borrowed from uncopyrighted memes scattered in the paradoxical moral wasteland/comedy bonanza that is social media.
I
just love sassy, smart, clever, gross, extreme, and downright silly one-liners and such. And some of these are or could be bumper stickers, which as we all know, are the Adam and Eve of memes. The comic Steven Wright is my hero, the dry, deadpan specialist of such jokes as “Everything is within walking distance if you have the time.” A well-told joke is the opposite of expectations, humor in general is just the truth exaggerated, a laugh can be the body’s reaction to something funny or something that makes you very nervous. George Carlin was firmly in the latter category; he spoke the truth that was as hilarious as it was brutally true. He made us
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laugh, cringe, and think all at the same time. Anyway, here be some very funny one-or-more liners, and if you’re not laughing, you’re not listening/reading right.
Fun game
When someone tells you the name of their new baby, repeat it back to them with their surname and go, “Oh, like the murderer?” If a woman tells a man he’s right, technically, that’s sarcasm. I’m never giving blood again, they ask so many questions, like “whose blood is it, where’d you get it, and why is it in a bucket?” Whenever I think of the 80s, I think of a boom box, but honestly, that’s just a stereo type.
July 2022 | The South Coast Insider
Please cross the street like your life depends on it. Because if I’m driving the car, oh, it does… believe me, it does. Beer is now cheaper than gas. Do drink and not drive. Is it possible to put off procrastinating? Education is expensive but ignorance is so much easier to fake. A person has so many layers. Peel them away, and man, do they scream. Sometimes you’re the bird, sometimes you’re the windshield, and if you can’t figure that out then don’t even talk to me. Pavlov’s dogs were driven insane one day when he wasn’t home and it was noon time at the church next door. I just watched a
documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched on marijuana. Beauty is only skin deep. Stupid goes clear to the bone. Fill a pinata with ketchup and you’ll never have to host a kid’s birthday party again. A study showed that drinking hot coffee naked makes you far less likely to spill it. In the event of a natural disaster, put hot dogs in your pockets so the rescue dogs will get to you first. How to freak out a car salesman: get in the trunk, ask “Tell me if you can hear this,” close it and then start screaming. Chart is the worst pie flavor, ever.
