To our children, those with fur and those without.
***
Editorial Team: Elliot Chan, Jeff Allen, Dana Renaud and Maggie Clark Designer and Illustrator: Cody Klyne (www.codyklyne.com) Printer: Douglas College Printshop Copyright © 2014 by Douglas College Professional Writing All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without prior written permission of Douglas College Professional Writing. ISBN: 978-1-896019-39-0 14 15 16 17 18 5 4 3 2 1
Hi, the name is ROFL (rolling on the floor laughing) Cat. I’m tech-savvy yet I love a good ball of yarn. I’m here to assist you with Internet slang. I suspect you could use my help; you are reading (what appears to be) a children’s book after all. So let’s start with a couple of easy ones.
1
“ Whether it’s my 3 o’clock nap or my daily tongue bath, I keep to a pretty tight schedule. ETA (estimated time of arrival) usually indicates some degree of urgency. Cats respect punctuality and so should you.”
2
3:00 PM
IMHO Tabby
Just woke up from a catnap, sup (what’s up)? We’re at the Scratching Post Save me a saucer of milk ETA (estimated time of arrival)? Be there in 20.
*IMHO = in my honest opinion
Where R U?
3
3:30 PM
OMG Mouse TYVM (thank you very much) for the long chase on Tuesday. I needed the exercise. BTW (by the way) I think I ate your brother. B4N (bye for now) ROFL CAT
*OMG = oh my god
... :(
4
“Internet acronyms are all about brevity, but we must not forget pol iteness. TYVM (thank you very much) is an easy way to express gratitude. ROFL Cat can’t stress good manners enough.”
5
Squeaker Did you hear NP (no problem) Calico lost eight of her nine lives last week? @Rofl_Cat 2 hour ago
Reply Resqueak
STBY_Cat
*STBY = sucks to be you
STBY Hipster Cat
6
@STBY_Cat Meh. 2 hour ago
Reply Resqueak
STBY_Cat STBY Hipster Cat
@Rofl_Cat Ditto. Did you like the new Animal Collective album? 1 hour ago
STBY_Cat STBY Hipster Cat
Reply Resqueak
“I like to purr and I like to meow, but nothing beats a good MEH. This is an excellent way to indicate your general indifference on any subject. “Remember, a blasé reaction automatically puts you in league with the cool kids.”
7
4:30 PM
ILY Chicken Hey ROFL, I was wondering if you wanted to meet up at lunch today? I just broke up with my boyfriend. I need to talk to somebody. Toodles.
*ILY = I love you
Hey. TBNT (thanks but no thanks). Busy.
8
“TBNT (thanks but no thanks) is my way of politely declining those propositions I get from ILY Chicken, the office stalker. I would tell her off completely, but she does bake me those yummy cookies with the tuna vittles.�
9
5:00 PM
Monkey Boss ROFL Cat I need you ASAP!!! I just lost my report on throwing poop.
*ASAP = as soon as possible
Where are you?!
10
Had to step out of the office. BRB (be right back).
“As the IT cat, my clueless boss, ASAP Monkey, is always on my back about something. For those types, BRB (be right back) is a good, nondescript excuse to escape for more pressing matters.”
11
ROFL Cat <ROFLcat@ gmail.com m> >
12
â&#x20AC;&#x153;Modern technology is wonderful, because it brings us all closer together. WYWH (wish you were here) is a sentiment I express frequently to acquaintances.â&#x20AC;?
13
14
“Sorry about that, folks. Where was I?”
15
6:00 PM
WEG Sloth Can you set me up tonight?
*WEG = wicked evil grin
APN (As per normal)? 11p.m.?
16
â&#x20AC;&#x153;Sometimes you just donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to get into specifics over your mobile device. APN (as per normal) is handy jargon between yourself and a trusted business contact. For the record, I do indulge in a bit of catnip from time to time.â&#x20AC;?
17
7:00 PM
OTL Dog I lost my keys to the doggy door.
*OTL = out to lunch
Hahahaha W2G (way to go).
18
â&#x20AC;&#x153;My roommate OTL (out to lunch) Dog is not the sharpest knife in the drawer. W2G (way to go) is a friendly term I use to remind him just how stupid he really is. Seriously, this mutt drinks exclusively from the toilet.â&#x20AC;?
19
20
â&#x20AC;&#x153;For all you non-gamers out there, PWNED (player has been owned) is a term reserved for your fellow player bested in competition. Not only does OTL Dog suck at playing Halo, he still barks when the vacuum is turned on. Figure it out, dummy!â&#x20AC;?
21
22
“Now I don’t want to toot my own squeaky toy, but ROFL Cat does receive his fair share of online compliments. If you get one that says you’re SMEXI (smart and sexy), count yourself lucky, unless it was sent by ILY Chicken. Avoid that crazy hen like the fleas!”
23
Squeaker Just got back from the groomer. Had my anal glands squeezed. Feeling good! 1 hour ago
Reply Resqueak
BFF_Mutt
*BFF = best friends forever
BFF Mutt
24
@BFF_Mutt TMI (too much information) Dude! Right now
ROFL_Cat ROFL Cat
Reply Resqueak
“Contrary to popular belief, dogs and cats do get along. BFF Mutt is one of my best pals, but his honest nature can be a little much. TMI (too much information) is a nice way of reminding our more candid friends about discretion. You may lick your own posterior, but that’s no reason not to show a little tact. Am I right?”
25
*Troll = one who likes to annoy on Internet
Squeaker
26
@ROFL_Cat Your last blog article was so catty and pretentiousâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;do some research. Just now
Reply Resqueak
Troll_Turtle Troll Turtle
@Troll_Turtle STFU (shut the f*** up), it is just my opinion Seconds ago
ROFL_Cat ROFL Cat
Reply Resqueak
â&#x20AC;&#x153;The beauty of the Internet is that you can communicate your feelings with impunity. Of course, the exchange works both ways. STFU (shut the f*** up) is both succinct and direct; it almost sounds refined, at least it does to my fuzzy little ears.â&#x20AC;?
27
28
â&#x20AC;&#x153;Pay attention to the choice of acronyms others use in their communications. It has been my experience that online sentiments can manifest themselves very physically in the outside world. NIMBY (not in my backyard) for example, is one such expression I always heed.â&#x20AC;?
29
30
This is TOTZ (totally) the end of the book, my friends. BTW (by the way), you TOTZ owe me one belly rub. JK (just kidding). Until next time, people. CYA (see ya or cover your ass).â&#x20AC;?
31
ROFL Cat is like any other domestic feline. He loves belly rubs, a good LOL with friends and a newly reupholstered couch to scratch. Unfortunately, with his busy schedule, ROFL Cat does not always have time for face-to-face interaction; but thanks to technological innovation, he can stay connectedâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;and so can you! Follow the adventurous ROFL Cat as he runs errands, mingles with friends and explores the world of Internet slang.