DON’T BE AFRAID OF BEING DIFFERENT, BE AFRAID OF BEING THE SAME AS EVERYONE ELSE!

Gill Tiney

I have never considered myself to be a brave person.

In fact, I am by my own admission, a big wuss: I will never jump out of an aeroplane, bungee jump from a bridge in New Zealand or go cave diving in the Pacific Ocean.

It used to worry me that I didn’t have the courage to take the leap – literally! I felt I was lacking, that other people were special because they could take that leap and I wasn’t brave enough to even consider it. It bothered me, but not enough to face the fear and do it anyway.

It felt that I was living a half-life because that courage evaded me. When I was younger, I was desperate to fit in, to keep my head below the parapet and not be noticed. As the years passed, I found myself picked out to shine for the school; I hated it. One day my friend and I were summoned to the Head’s office and the whole class were thrilled that we were in trouble, it was a tough school, and we were in the roughest class, so they assumed that we were in trouble. In reality, the Head had asked us in, to thank us for our continued good work and congratulated us on being a ‘shining example’ for our school. We were mortified!

What story could we concoct on the way back to the classroom to convince our classmates that we’d been told off – and in the process achieve kudos with the cool kids – and fit in. At 16 it slowly dawned on me that there were some groups I didn’t need to be part of. But I loved those girls, I learnt so much from their lives, their joy of life, and no regard for authority.

Work beckoned, no university for me, I didn’t have the courage to go against what was the norm for my family – ‘people like us don’t go to university.’

At work it was harder to fit in as I and my new friend were the only women in a group of thirty-five men. Thirty-five misogynistic, sexist, set in their ways men. I learned very quickly to be better than them and so earn their respect and a place at the table. Rapidly promoted, I soon found myself as project manager for an early 1980s £13 million development project. I didn’t have time to look for my courage; I had to get on with the job in hand and not think too much about being different. I was the only one in the local authority who had the ear of the tenants and so able to ensure smooth handovers. It was not a happy time. People who know me now might be surprised at the efforts I went to so that I could blend in.

Life has a habit of throwing you curve balls: with the birth of my first daughter, I suddenly realised that I was invincible! I had created a whole new human for goodness-sake; you can’t get any better than that. I could achieve anything! No need to hide anymore. I left my local authority job that had constantly left me feeling inadequate and impotent to do anything meaningful (I was once told I was not allowed to sign up for the assertiveness training as I was already too bossy! (In a room full of men!)) Instead I supported my husband from the sidelines as we built our first business together. I was free for the first time and so went back to learn, gaining my BA Hons degree in Education, started and ran a ballet school, worked as a teaching assistant, helped my parents move to a new house, and put an extension on ours (adding 50% more) all while raising two children, and working in the family business. Finally taking my GTP qualification to become a primary school teacher – now THAT took courage! Mostly though, it needed hard work – I was good at hard work. I didn’t realise it then, but I was also honing my leadership skills. Discovering I loved the feeling of presenting not just to a classroom but to a whole school. Finding the courage in standing out, going against the grain, thinking on my feet, sticking up for the underdog, and being the underdog! I was also remembering how much I didn’t like injustice, how I didn’t like sexism, how I wanted a fair world, a safe world for our children. The seed for my own transformation was still being sown. Courage grows when you are being brave for others.

Throughout my life I have slowly and inextricably moved towards being a leader.

One of my best friends remembers the day we met and how she told me on that very day, thirty plus years ago, that I was a natural leader. I thought she was crazy. Now 87 years old she reminds me of that conversation and tells me she saw courage in me back then and is so proud of my achievements to date. It has taken me a while to find the courage to step into the person I am today, and I am so grateful to her for voicing that when I was just 27 years old. As a founder of a collaboration organisation (pre-runner to Collaboration Global) I had a partner. achieved but not brave enough to step into the light. It felt weird not to have him by my side, although as time went on, he was more and more absent.

As we grew the community, we realised we wanted different things from the business, and we went our separate ways. Now I truly had to step up and be the change I wanted to see. Yet I didn’t need courage. It had never felt more right, more in tune with who I was, and what the community wanted to achieve. I was now on the path to my purpose. Looking back, I should have been worried, I should have been waking up at night concerned for the future.

I should have been screwing up my courage and facing each day putting on my bravery like an armour. But it really wasn’t necessary;

I was doing what I had been born to do, so, no courage was required for Collaboration Global isn’t about me, it is about possibility. It is a group of people coming together with the express wish to make our world a better place.

My role in Collaboration Global is to be a servant leader, to hold the vision, to share the mission and find ways to spread the culture of LOVE, CONNECTION, and ABUNDANCE. in the same direction as everyone else, I have the courage to be different and choose to swim against the tide of fear, scarcity, and competition. Together we are stronger, together we will find our destiny, and together have the Courage To Be Different – For a better World!

With Love as our fundamental value, there is no need to be brave, we are working together to make an impact for good. We have fun, we help each other, and we make a difference.

You can contact Gill at:

Email: gill@collaborationglobal.org Telephone: 07798 601701 Website: www.collaborationglobal.org