CHICAGO JEWISH
ChiAdv_August 12 12_Layout 1 7/17/2012 11:40 AM Page 1
August 2012 • Vol. 4 No. 8
ADVERTISER
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Kavana Mindfulness Accelerated Training for Inner Peace, Wisdom and Success
RABBI RA A DR. LAIBL WOLF LL.B
M.ED.PSYCH. D.DIV.
DEAN, SPIRITGROW- JOSEF KRYSS WHOLISTIC CENTER, AUSTRALIA
A revolutionary approach to wisdom training for everyone Through techniques drawn from ancient Kabbalah as well as contemporary positive psychology, internationally renowned author and spiritual mentor, Rabbi Dr. Laibl Wolf, introduces you to his new unique mind training program for all ages WHAT THE PROGRAM WILL DO FOR YOU: Train your brain to accelerate essential wisdom processes by a factor of thousands! Become a serene practitioner of inner peace and balance. Activate innate problem solving skills, to overcome challenges. Kavana Mindfulness trains you to become a mindful, positive, and insightful individual.
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Experience • Knowledge • Service Discounted airfares to Israel & Europe Yeshiva and Seminary students’ airfares Year round departures!
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Courageous Couples By Rabbi Dr. Jerry Lob Good marriages can look different from each other. They are not the same, but they often share certain basic characteristics. For example, warmth, empathy, effective communication, a positive, upbeat attitude, and healthy strategies for resolving conflicts, to name just a few. It is well known that spouses hurt each other during arguments if they are not careful with their words, tone of voice, or gestures. The verbal or nonverbal communications that are offensive, can escalate the interaction to a point of feelings being severely hurt. What is less well known is the fact that taking care is not enough. It takes courage.
We tend to err in our challenging interactions in one of two ways. Either by reacting too little, or too much. Let me explain. The great Hillel tells us in Avos, “If I am not for me who will be for me, but if I am only for myself, then what am I?” In all relationships and probably most importantly, in marriage, it is so important to be able to “be for me,” standing up for oneself, to speak assertively and confidently. Some may think that it is better to not say anything. To feel that “even if my feelings are hurt, it’s better, for the sake of ‘Shalom Bayis,” to be silent.” There are definitely times that it is better to be silent. We really don’t need to make a whole issue out of something that is not that painful. It may be annoying, but not every annoying comment or action needs to be attended to. It is probably good to remember that you can be annoying too. (Yes, really.) It is behaviors or words that 14 AUGUST 2012
are demeaning to one’s dignity that shouldn’t be ignored. Not speaking up at one of these occasions is, “too little,” and will often lead to resentment and a slow disconnect in the relationship, a moving away that is detrimental to the closeness of the couple. There is also a very good chance that the offensive words/actions will be repeated if not addressed by the recipient, in a direct, clear, and strong voice. It takes courage to respond in the following matter: “I was really hurt when you said, ‘______’, it’s not ok to talk to me that way.”
The “too much” scenario is played out in different ways. There is the person who is hurt too easily, where everything bothers him/her, seeming to be in a perpetual state of injury. This category is not the focus of this article, maybe another time. The “too much” reaction that is my focus is in the intensity of the response. The words he uses are not assertive, but rather aggressive, where the reaction is not only not respectful, but downright mean. This group takes its philosophy from grade school, and what we can call, “playground rules.” It goes something like this: “if you hurt me, I hurt you back.” Sometimes even articulating this approach as, “I know I’m being mean and hurtful, but too bad, you started.” This is crooked, inappropriate thinking, can often lead to abuse, and is clearly prohibited by the Torah. We need to remember that the prohibition against taking revenge applies to TO ADVERTISE 773.336.8225
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revenge on spouses (and children!) too. And Hillel would describe this person as “If I’m only for myself then what am I,” expressing the idea that, “it’s all about me, and your feelings don’t matter.”
It seems clear to me that it is not only the group who take the “too little” approach, who are fear based, unable to speak up and express themselves assertively. It is the aggressive group as well. While it is less obvious, and they appear strong, aggressive behavior and communication is often a sign of fear and weakness, the fear of saying something assertively with confidence. Shouting or using harsh words makes one feel strong, but it is superficial and insecurity is hiding behind the meanness. When one is truly confident, there is no need for verbal violence or aggressive behavior. I will always remember the powerful words of Horav Wolbe ZT”L, who, more than
thirty years ago told a group of young, newly married men, I among them, that the trick in having a happy Torah based marriage is not in not arguing. “You will argue, of course there will be conflict,” our holy Rabbi warned us. And he continued, “You each married smart young women, with their own opinions. The trick is in how you argue, arguing like a ‘mentch’ at all times. And the trick is in how you end the argument, with compromise, and apologies when warranted.”
It takes courage to admit that you are wrong, and it takes courage to ask for forgiveness. It takes greater courage to articulate to your spouse that he/she has hurt you. And greater courage still to ask for an apology, while communicating it all in an assertive, yet respectful, even loving, way.
Dr. Lob is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Chicago, working with adults, adolescents, and families, for many years. He lectures and writes extensively on topics relating to psychology, relationships, parenting, education, and Jewish thought.
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HILLEL TORAH SEFER TORAH WRITING CAMPAIGN 16 AUGUST 2012
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HILLEL TORAH NORTH SUBURBAN DAY SCHOOL
Emuna Shir Weiss,
ì"æ
SEFER TORAH CAMPAIGN
At Hillel Torah, students thrive and develop in an environment of Torah U’Mada - pursuing Torah Studies and values while simultaneously achieving Judaic and general academic excellence. We foster a love for Medinat Yisrael, its rich history and culture, and for the Hebrew language. Hillel Torah’s Emuna Shir Weiss ì“æ, Sefer Torah Writing Campaign offers the following purchase opportunities to fulfill the 613th mitzvah: Sefarim, Major Events, Parshiot, Aliyot, Pesukim, Words, and more. Through your participation and generosity in sponsoring a portion of this Sefer Torah, you will be fostering a love of Torah for future generations of students. Our Sefer Torah dedication opportunities are a wonderful way to honor a family member, the memory of a loved one, and to acknowledge a simcha. Please save the date, Sunday, October 14, 2012 for our Hachnasat Sefer Torah. For more information, please visit our website at www.hilleltorah.org or call the school office at 847.674.6533. The Sefer Torah Campaign has been generously underwritten by Rifka & Daniel Weiss and family in memory of their daughter, Emuna Shir, ì“æ CHICAGOJEWISHADVERTISER@GMAIL.COM
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Soup to Nuts
Written by Rabbi Dovid Cohen
Your kashrus Questions. . . Answered GLUE Q. I dropped my cutting board and it cracked in
half. If I want to glue the parts back together, is there any type of glue which is not kosher? A. No, glue is not edible and – from a kashrus perspective – any kind is acceptable.
WOOD SPOON Q. My wife bought a wood spoon which was
treated with a blend of mineral oil and beeswax. Is that a kashrus issue? A. Wood spoon oil made of just mineral oil and beeswax is kosher without certification, and therefore the spoon which your wife bought may be used. If the spoon had been treated with some other oil (e.g. coconut, hemp) we would have to know the source of that oil before deciding on the status of the spoon.
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AUGUST 3
AUGUST 17
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AUGUST 10
AUGUST 24
TIMES FOR CHICAGO, IL WWW.OU.ORG
ceg
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A service of the Chicago Rabbinical Council
2701 West Howard | 773-465-3900
KOSHER ALERTS!
Nature Valley Dark Chocolate & Nut Trail Mix Chewy Granola Bars, General Mills, Minneapolis, MN are not certified by the Orthodox Union. Some packages mistakenly have an OU on them. Corrective measures have been implemented.
Breakfast Mix from Superior Nut bearing a cRc pareve logo is incorrect as this mix contains milk in the ingredients and is cRc Dairy.
Get your kashrus questions answered here! Email: kashrusquestions@ chicagojewishadvertiser.com
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Let GOLDEN HANDS help you with all your
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JEWISH HUMOR ItÊs funny because we say so!
Very Weak
STOCKBROKER/ David called his TRADERS mother in Florida. He said, "Ma, how are you doing?" She said, "Oy, not too good. I've been very weak."
David then asked, "Why are you so weak?" She said, " Because I have not eaten in 38 days."
David then asked, "Ma, how come you haven't eaten in 38 days?" She said, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food when you called."
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Recipes from our kitchen to yours! CHICKEN MARBELLA
Ingredients
2 chickens, cut in 1/8, skin on 1 cup dried prunes 1 cup dried apricots MARINADE: 1 head garlic, pressed 1/4 cup dried oregano 1/2 cup red wine vinegar 1/2 cup Spanish olives 1/2 cup capers, with liquid 6 bay leaves salt and pepper to taste GLAZE: 1 cup cream white wine 1 cup brown sugar
Directions
Place chicken and dried fruit in a large resealable container. Combine marinade ingredients and pour over chicken and fruit. Toss to coat. Close container and shake to ensure all of chicken is coated with marinade. Marinate in refrigerator overnight.
Preheat oven to 350o. Place chicken and fruit in a large roasting pan. Pour marinade over chicken. Combine glaze ingredients and drizzle half the glaze mixture over chicken. Bake uncovered for 45 minutes. Remove chicken from oven and baste with pan juices. Drizzle remaining glaze evenly over chicken. Return to oven and bake for an additional 45 - 60 minutes until golden.
Submitted by Mandy Bachrach
CONGRATULATIONS TO OUR WINNER
Mandy Bachrach WIN A $150 Gift Certificate to
Shallots
Submit your favorite recipe for Chicago Jewish Advertiserâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s recipe page. To enter your favorite recipe, email chicagojewishadvertiser@gmail.com subject: recipe contest
The winner will be announced in the next issue Chicago Jewish Advertiser reserves the right to exercise discretion in the selection of advertisers and the duration of advertisements as well. Chicago Jewish Advertiser does not assume responsibility for the kashrus of any advertisement or product.
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1. The word “Yamaha” is missing. 2. The drum’s microphone has been moved. 3. A man’s head (yarlmukah) on the bottom left is missing. 4. The word “pearl” is upside down on the drum. 5. A paper on the floor is missing. 6. Benzy’s yarlmukah has changed colors. 7. There is an extra microphone by the drum. 8. Shmulie’s tie is now shorter. 9. The speakers handle is missing. 10. The curtain has been moved.
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Student: Josh P. Hobbies: Rocketry, chess Aspiration: Astronaut Math before: Grounded Math now: Blast off!!
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