Community Links Issue 187 by The Jewish Link

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August 12-August 26, 2011

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Vol. 8 Issue 187

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Looking Out Ror The Average Family

The problem is not Republican or Democrat.. Everyone seems at fault.

THE COMMUNITY LINKS is published biweekly and is distributed free to the Jewish Community of Southern California. THE COMMUNITY LINKS accepts no responsibility for typographical errors or reliability of Kashrus of any advertisers. All submissions become the property of THE COMMUNITY LINKS and may be shortened and/or edited for length and clarity. Articles published in THE COMMUNITY LINKS express the views of the individual writers and may not necessarily represent the views of THE COMMUNITY LINKS. No artwork or any part of the magazine may be reprinted or otherwise duplicated without the written permission of the publisher.

Challah, or in truth, any kind of bread, is considered a foundational, sustaining food, which is why the blessing said on bread differs from that of any other food. Doba Rivka Weber

Dr. Robert Rome

Challah Role

I Have Just Begun To See

Is there any sight comparable to the splitting of the sea? Will there be any produce as amazing as the manna? Will there be any water sweeter than that of the rock? Parshas Vaeschanan

Home sweet Home

It seems our homes have been taken over by more and more gadgets, consuming our energy. The peaceful sanctity of the home is gone. Home is not what it used to be. Rabbi Eli Hecht

Rabbi Mordechai Kaminetzky

COMMUNITY LINKS • Volume 8 Issue 187 4

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Imagine getting married as an observant Jewish couple in Los Angeles in the summer of 2011. You experience all the joy of the wedding ceremony and reception. You dance the night away with friends and family. You open the beautiful presents given to you by friends and relatives. And then you reenter reality. You have to find an apartment, preferably in an area of synagogues, only to realize that at $1600 a month for a one bedroom, you will have to pay about $20,000 (in after tax income) for a modest apartment from which you will have to move once you have a child. You will need to pay auto insurance for a prime area in addition to any car payments you may have. You will have to shop in fairly expensive Kosher stores to maintain your Kosher home. You will think about future children and know that you will be faced with potential child care costs as both of you will have to work so that you can meet your expenses. While you pay off your own student loans with up to 10% of each of your yearly incomes going to â&#x20AC;˘ 323-965-1544 â&#x20AC;˘

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Washington, Sacramento, and the local government downtown continue to function as if nothing has happened. While there is a “minimum tax” punishing families whose tax deductions exceed some arbitrary governmental limit, you learn that one of the largest corporations, General Electric, pays no income tax at all despite many billions in income. A simple question as to why there is no alternate minimum tax for trillion-dollar corporations is not even asked in the halls of Congress. When President Obama complains that corporate jet owners get special tax loopholes not available to others, the Republicans don’t simply agree to put an end to these loopholes, but demand that any loophole reductions be met by an overhaul in tax rates and structure. Our families pay more taxes while the “fatcats” get special benefits. The problem is not Republican or Democrat. Everyone seems at fault. Prison guards in California, one of the largest contributing blocks to Governor Brown’s campaign, continue to get close to a quarter of a million dollars in yearly pensions, twice their highest earned annual salary, because of cashing out vacation days and with overtime pay earned in their last year of service which is calculated into the pension based on laws that the prison guards themselves lobbied for. We learn of seven figure salary and benefit packages in the cities of Bell and Vernon and of new Presidents of UC campuses getting raises of over $100,000 over the already high salaries of their predecessors. Is there no limit to what public officials can earn? While the average families wonder how to meet their obligations, they have to pay for these exorbitant salaries through their hard earned tax dollars. Within the Jewish community, we learn that the published average salary of executives of major Jewish charities exceeds $500,000 a year, with about numerous leaders of Jewish charities earning over a million. The tone deafness as to the condition of the average folks in the community is not only reflected in the capitol buildings of the state and federal governments or in city hall, Jewish non-profits are run like Fortune 500 companies, but without any corporate income, creating executive perks with the $18 donations from the common folk. (By the way, not all Jewish charities operate in this manner. I have great respect for the President of a major L.A.-based Jewish institution who draws a salary of under $200,000, as published on the list, while leading a large organization with a budget in the tens of millions annually.)

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There is a need for a reality test. The decline in home values in California is an adjustment toward reality as the mortgage for the average home cannot exceed the ability of the average family to pay for it. “Corporate Fatcats” should not pay less tax than the average working family. Remember the famous statement

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of one of the richest men in America. He said that his tax rate was one-third the tax rate of the secretary in his office. We have to restore the joy of getting married and building a family. We need to reduce the stress these young couples face. We have to rethink how we operate as a community. We have to lessen the burden. There are things we can do. In other Jewish communities, the communities ask that those who have achieved in their lives set aside 5% of their estate as a gift to Jewish education. Have you seen the signs throughout Chicago promoting such a campaign? This is a voluntary system designed to help lessen the load on the young families of the costs involved. It can work. A few gifts from prominent estates could help fund hundreds of scholarships for students in Jewish day schools. In many cities, including Toronto and Detroit, there have been community-wide Talmud Torah programs and schools funded by the entire community, rather than the costly attempts by each group to operate their own Hebrew schools and learning institutions. There are many ways to reduce the

costs of day schools without lessening the money paid for the actual learning programs. For example, it is less expensive to operate branches of a single school rather than have so many separate schools throughout the city. A school with three or four branches needs only one headmaster, having assistant principals with lower salaries operating the branch campuses. We need to think “outside the box” as we address the challenges facing our communities. Can a young couple with two children possibly afford two tuitions and all of the other costs they face with a typical $80,000-90,000 a year in income? No way. It is a Jewish value to have children. No Jewish couple should ever decide not to have a child because they fear the costs involved. When the engagement of a couple or the birth of a new child is announced in the synagogue, we scream: Mazel Tov! Let’s return the true joy of getting married and having children and remove some of the stress that the young couple faces. •

Robert J. Rome, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in clinical practice in Encino, California. He can be reached at RJRome@aol.com.

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The prelude and the plea seem disjointed. What connection is there between Moshe having begun to see "Hashem's greatness and strong hand," and his next request to enter the Land of Israel? It is as if Moshe's stratagem is to tell Hashem, "I have just begun to see Your greatness, please let me culminate this great experience with a grand finale entering Israel." But that seems odd. Is it possible to compare the land he desires to enter with all he saw during the amazing desert trek?

I was at his home. My visit was more familial, than pedagogical, and I was discussing a bit about his Swedish roots and European topography. We came to the subject of the Swiss Alps. "I mentioned, that I heard in the name of the Brisker Rav, the revered mentor of Rav Wolbe's generation, that when the Moshiach will come, he will transport the Swiss Alps and transplant them in Israel. Upon hearing me utter those words, Rav Wolbe's tranquil demeanor changed immediately. He stood up to his full height. There was fire in his eyes. "Der Brisker Rav hut das kain mohl nisht gezagt! The Brisker Rav could never have said that!" he boomed. Rav Wolbe continued with a soliloquy whose passion never left me. "There are no mountains as beautiful as those in Tz'fas. There are no lakes as beautiful as the Kineret. And there is no city that sparkles like Jerusalem! Moshiach need not bring anything here! It is all here!" I am not sure if on an aesthetic level, I am able to concur with his vision or comprehend the reality of his perspective. However, I do feel one thing. Though beauty and glory are subjective, the passion expressed by Rabbi Wolbe is one I, and I hope every Jew, strives to attain.

I Have Just Begun to See

Is there any sight comparable to the splitting of the sea? Will there be any produce as amazing as the manna? Will there be any water sweeter than that of the rock? Can Moshe honestly be hinting that Israel could be the apex of His glory, as opposed to an anticlimax to forty-years filled with miraculous events?

When I studied in Israel some twenty-five years ago, I often had occasion to speak to my father's cousin, Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe, author of Alei Shur (a profound mussar work), Mashgiach of Yeshiva Be'er Yaakov, and the founder of the Lehmann Bais HaMussar in Yerushalayim. A student of the great mussar luminaries of the previous generation, Rabbi Wolbe is a very soft-spoken man. In his quiet manner and measured words, his mussar message impacts thousands through profound talks and prolific writings.

Perhaps Moshe was pleading as an expression of the Jew's eternal longing, appreciation, and passion for Eretz Yisrael. His statement, "Hashem, you have just started to show me the power and the glory" was though Moshe understood that all the miracles, the splitting of the sea, the miraculous manna, the water from the rock , were only a prelude to Eretz Yisrael and would not compare to the greatness attainable from the majestic experience of entering the land. It is a longing every Jew should have, whether waiting for the redemption from a balcony in Boca, or atop a mountain villa perched high in the Swiss Alps. •

PARSHAS VA'ESCHANAN 14 A u g u s t 1 2 , 2 0 1 1

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By Rabbi Label Lam• www.torah.org

oshe begins this week's portion by telling the Jewish people how he pleaded with the Almighty to let him see the Land of Israel. He relates: "I implored Hashem at that time, saying: 'My Lord, Hashem you have begun to show Your servant Your greatness and Your strong hand, for what power is there in the heaven or on the earth that can perform according to Your deeds and according to Your mighty acts? Let me now cross and see the good Land that is on the other side of the Jordan, this good mountain and the Lebanon" (Deuteronomy 3:23-25).

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In the second portion of the Shema, taken from Parshas Ekev, the Torah seemingly repeats the theme with a slight variation. "You shall teach them to your children to discuss them while you sit in your home, while you walk on the way, when you retire and when you arise" (Deuteronomy 11:19) Notice the difference. Last week, in Voeschanan, the Torah tells us to teach our children, then it tells us to speak words of Torah, "while in our homes and on the road, when we retire and when we rise." However, this week, it seems that the Torah is spinning a variation on that theme. It tells us to teach our children to discuss them (Torah) while you sit in your home, while you walk on the way, when you retire and when you arise. It does not say, "teach your children to discuss Torah while they sit in your home, while they walk on the way, when they retire and when they arise." Are we teaching them to discuss Torah while we go about our lives? What does their learning Torah have to do with our mundane activities? It seems that there is a pedagogical lesson to parents in their Torah-teaching relationships with their children in every aspect of a parent's lives. What is it? In 1987, Rabbi Yosef Karmel was Director of Camp Agudah of the Midwest, in South Haven Michigan. One weekend he invited two prominent guests to the camp; Rabbi Eliezer Levin, one of America's oldest and most revered rabbis, a student of the Chofetz Chaim, and the Rav of Detroit for nearly fifty years and his son, Rabbi Avraham Chaim Levin, dean and founder of the Telshe Yeshiva of Chicago, a member of the council of Torah Sages, of Agudath Israel, and one of the outstanding and dynamic leaders of American Orthodoxy. It was a rare and extraordinary occasion for the campers, and the atmosphere was spiri-

tually charged. Guests arrived in South Haven to bask in the glow of two generations of Torah giants. After the Shabbos services, Rabbi Karmel announced that while the campers would attend their regularly scheduled learning classes, Rabbi Avraham Chaim Levin would teach the Daf HaYomi, the daily-apportioned Talmudic folio, studied concurrently by Jews the world over, to the lay guests who had come to vacation that weekend together with the camp and the distinguished visitors. As everyone dispersed from shul Rabbi Karmel felt a soft tap on his arm. "Where," the elderly Rav of Detroit asked, "is the Daf Hayomi shiur taking place?" Rabbi Karmel understood that Rav Levin, ever the rabbinic gentleman, had somehow figured it to be improper for him not to attend the class along with all the other guests. In his humility, conjectured Rabbi Karmel, this scholar - who most certainly could spend the time studying Torah on his own lofty level, was about to sacrifice an hour sitting at a class geared lay people, all in the name of good manners." Reassuringly the camp director told the elderly Rav Levin, "There is no need for you to attend this shiur. It is intended for the Ba'ale Batim and no one expects the Rav to attend." The elderly Rav looked at Rabbi Karmel with incredulity and uttered words, which Rabbi Karmel told me, he will never forget: "What? Do you think I would miss the chance to hear my son teach a blatt of Gemarah?" (Rabbi Karmel added afterwards: "At the time of this story Rav Avrohom Chaim, soon to become a member of the Moetzes Gedolei HaTorah of America, had already served as a Rosh Yeshiva for more than thirty years. The shiur he was to say was not a singular event but rather an example of what he has done so well for many decades.

Intergenerational Dialogue

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PARSHAS EIKEV

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Rabbi Mordechai Kaminetzky • www.torah.org

A recurring theme delineated in last week's portion and reiterated in this week's portion is the inherent responsibility of a father to teach Torah to his child. Jews mention both verses that contain these declarations during both, the morning and evening recital of the Shema read at Shacharis and Ma'ariv. One is in the first portion, the other in the second portion. In the first portion of Shema, taken from last week's Torah reading, the Torah tells us, "You shall teach them thoroughly to your children and you shall speak of them while you sit in your home, while you walk on the way, when you retire and when you arise." (Deuteronomy 6:7)

There certainly was no question as to his ability to deliver a brilliant shiur. Yet, to his father it represented an opportunity to be amongst the listeners; a tangible nachas that was more real than all the fame his son had so deservedly accumulated. We all understand that when our little ones come home from school with their first "Shabbos sheets" that it is pure nachas to listen to them. It is a palpable enjoyment for us and provides unparalleled encouragement for our kids. There is hardly a Jewish father alive who does not make a big deal about every word repeated from those hallowed stencils. Only a Gadol like Rav Leizer Levine could still retain that same undiluted nachas from a son almost sixty years after kvelling over the first recitation of Torah Tziva Lanu Moshe...)

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While making challah the other day, I thought about how unique this commandment is and the particular meaning it has for me, a Jewish woman. Most of the time when I bake challah, all I think about is that I want the challah to be of a good consistency, have ample time to rise, and, of course, taste good, because, for heaven's sake, why else would I, in the twenty-first century, be elbow deep in sticky dough as I knead it by hand?! I may as well buy it, or order it online, for that matter. But challah dough kneading goes a lot deeper and you have to be willing to dig your hands in, and get them sticky to find out its true beauty and power. Challah, or in truth, any kind of bread, is considered a foundational, sustaining food, which is why the blessing said on bread differs from that of any other food. And I have found, in my experience of making challah, that there is a personal lesson and meaning not just in the final product of the bread we eat, but in the process of making this holy bread itself. It helps shed light on my role as a Jewish wife and mother.

Then, and only then, do you need to add your bit of salt. Now the ratio is heavier on the sugar side, but the salt is vital. And too much salt or too little salt can ruin the dough. Children need to have a little pinch of criticism, discipline and seriousness in order to help them stand through life without losing hope or strength of character. We must not completely shelter our children from the harshness of life's brunt, so that they can learn to protect themselves. We must fortify them with the sweetness of life, for this is where they will flourish, but make sure to balance it with just a little pinch of the stringencies of the world. The harder you sweat at it, the better it will be After adding all of the ingredients, it's time to knead the dough. And know this rule: the harder and longer you sweat at it, the better it will be. When worked with, when I put all my strength into the knead, the consistency changes, the quality is more refined, and in the end, the challah tastes better, too. I push it, I pull it, and I squeeze it. In fact, I am pretty tough with my dough, but this way it will rise much better, this is why I do it. I know it. How true with my children, too. It is a strength coming from a place of love, and for the right reasons.

For starters, even from the most practical side, I only buy top-quality bread flour. Anything of lesser quality and it just doesn't taste as good. Every ingredient makes a difference, and I try to make sure the ones I choose are the best, After you have done all you because they directly affect the can, the time comes when you By Doba Rivka Weber outcome. When I raise my chilneed to leave the dough alone. dren, every part of their enviNotice that this is the time the ronment - the words that are spoken, the pictures on the dough will rise most. Just keep the dough warm and prowall, the trips we take, the emotional temperature of the home, who they associate with - and every other detail are tected, away from outside drafts. In a child's life, there are pieces of the spiritual, emotional and physical input I allow many times when we must take a step back. We need to give to enter my children's lives. It is their quality which will in- them their independence. We need to trust that we have put fluence the outcome, and create the path for the future that in the right ingredients, but at a certain point, they need to learn on their own. They need to be given their space and I help pave for my children. time to grow and develop. If we keep uncovering the dough, Another thing about challah is that the yeast needs sugar poking at it, and moving it, it will never rise. Only when we to help it rise. So too, my children need sweetness. They need give it time, and sometimes a lot of time, it has the chance praise, joy, time to be silly and just to have fun. It helps them to not only rise, but to double in size. And some dough takes grow, it keeps their spark of love for life alive, and is vital longer than others. Some rise fast, then fall. Others need you for their development - just like my challah dough. On the to punch down the dough after some time, then give it even other hand, if the dough has no salt in it, the puffiness will more time to rise again. All dough, like all children, is differnot hold. But you always start with the sugar, and wait until ent. And depending on the smallest circumstances - the temit is bubbling, to be sure that the sugar has taken effect.

Challah Role

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perature that day, the humidity in the home, the warmth or cold near the dough - there can be a huge difference in how the dough comes out. Hopefully, after you have patiently waited, the dough will have risen. You can shape it, bake it, and take pride in its beauty on your Shabbat table. But before you do that, the first piece of all that hard work, that soft pliable, now fluffy dough, is separated. That piece is not for you to eat or enjoy. It is for our Creator. You realize that everything, even the outcome of your own hard work, is really all from G-d. This is the affirmation we make by separating the "challah," the special piece of the dough offered to the Kohen, the High Priest in the times of the Beit Hamikdash, the Holy Temple, which nowadays is separated and then burned to prevent its consumption by anyone else. On the basis of that you form your Challot. Once that is done, all material sustenance is sanctified. We create unity in creation by acknowledging that there is a higher purpose When we consciously sanctify mundane activity, when baking bread becomes a way to remember G-d's unity, then the entire home has been illuminated. We are taking notice that

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all we own is not just there for us to enjoy. Our "things" we claim ownership of belong to G-d, who bestows blessing upon us by allowing us to enjoy these things. We create unity in creation by acknowledging that there is a higher purpose to eating a good piece of challah. In a culture that endorses ownership and material accumulation, in a time when satisfaction is said to come from physical pursuits, we try to teach our children to value spirit over matter, and selflessness over instant gratification. We try to imbue them with proper morals and ethics, and prepare them to make the right choices. When we remember G-d with the small act of separating challah, when we show that in all our work, in all we attain in life, we share what we have with something greater than ourselves, then we are not only talking values, we are acting on them. So, in the end, it is all in your hands. You are the woman, the wife, the mother. And when you work with the dough in your life, you knead it, you stretch it, and you form it. You form your children, and you form your husband (though he may never admit it). Just like with the challah, it takes practice and skill and work to form them right. But you keep on practicing week after week, Shabbat after Shabbat, challah after challah. â&#x20AC;˘

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"The Comedy of Marriage Learning to Like the People you Love" With Mrs. Chanie Perelmu er More Than A Monthly Visit: A Deeper Look Into The Mikvah Waters" With Mrs. Brocha Sapochinsky

"The Gift of the Present... Handing it to our Family on a Silver Platter" With Mrs. Shula Bryski “Jewish wives and daughters, it is you who can guarantee that the home will be a Jewish home, a warm home ~ a home full of Light!” -The Rebbe Dedicated to The Rebbe and to the success of the mission he has charged each of us with: Moshiach Now! Taharas Hamishpocho Rebbetzen Committee: Rebbetzen Soro Shusterman y Rebbetzen Chana Lieba Raichik 323.937.2079 Rebbetzen Odel Miriam Cunin 310.208.6265

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MAGNUM STRAUS ICE CREAM 6PK

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Sep. 15, 2011

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t can be exciting to be pregnant, and it can be exhausting. The baby is kicking, your mood is swinging, and your belly is expanding impossibly each day. As you reach the last trimester, your last month, your due date, you are full of happy anticipation – when will it be? When will it be? And then, out of the blue, the answer comes: It will be today--right now. Your baby arrives. Your childbirth experience fills your consciousness. Your body is recovering physically from the effort, the strength and stamina it takes to bring new life into the world. Your hormones are flying, and whichever way you look at it, you're in overdrive – it's a fullbody celebration! On top of this, there's a baby. A delicious baby your baby - someone you sort of recognize, and can learn to love.

Let me back up: having a doula at your birth can help you recover more quickly, even when your birthing day is days and weeks behind you. Studies show that women receiving continuous support from early labor are more likely to give birth spontaneously, requiring neither caesarean, vacuum extraction nor forceps delivery. They will therefore bypass the additional physical recovery required and the possible postpartum complications from these procedures. Prior even to childbirth, is education. The more you know, the more you can be involved in the process of birth. Women who understand the stages of labor, and who are included in decision making throughout have a much more positive experience of labor. This helps them with both their emotional and physical recovery.

A heartbeat So, make it your later, life continbusiness to know ues. You need to what to expect from eat – which relabor, and line up a quires shopping, friend, sister or proshlepping, unfessional doula - or packing, washing, all three - to give you cooking and that support when washing up. Don't you most need it. even talk about (Husbands are great, the laundry. You terrific people, but had no idea how it's worth having an much effort this extra female around little bundle would in this most female of take. Or, you had an moments). by Elisheva Simon idea, but your todIn anticipating your dler didn't. Perhaps new-baby time, you you've done this before a few times – but this one likes to will want to arrange basic help beforehand. Friends love eat. All. The. Time. You don't even have time for the bath- to bring food – perhaps you want to put one in charge of room. coordinating meals. Can you arrange now for cleaning

We're Having a Baby (Now What?)

So, how will you get from this moment to sanity and joy? It all boils down to planning ahead. I'm not talking about receiving blankets and diapers. I'm talking about a support system. 30 A u g u s t 1 2 , 2 0 1 1

help then? Are there teenagers on your block who would love some extra pocket money and can wash your dishes in the evenings? Can you write a shopping list now (right now) (go on, get a pen…) that you can hand on to a kind friend after the baby arrives?

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If this is your first child, you can expect to feel thrilled, grateful and overwhelmed. Do you have friends and family around who can hang out with you casually while you find your mothering self ? Note: this is not at all the same as a friend who will tell you how you're doing it all wrong. If the friend you were counting on for support is criticizing you rather than strengthening you, ask someone else. Do you have a friend who is an expert at nursing? Do you have the number of a lactation consultant in case you need one? The whole nursing thing has its own rhythm: what can be a pleasure may start out as a pain. Make sure to have some frozen peas or rice bags you can store in the freezer (the tactical use of cold packs can help prevent engorgement and ease discomfort). You'll want to keep a cache of lanolin cream about you at all times. Also, that friend of yours who's hanging out with you? Make sure to ask her in advance to keep you hydrated by frequently bringing you water or juice. It's thirsty work growing another human. If this isn't your first child, perhaps your most pressing postpartum help will come in the form of play dates. See if you can make arrangements for these before the baby arrives, or line up a friendly babysitter or mother's helper to come and entertain your older bundle(s) of joy. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture, which bears considering when your baby wakes you up for the third time that night (and it is not 2am yet). Your exhaustion may leave you drowsy and forgetful, most likely when you actually need to have your wits about you. It can seem that your whole existence accordions down to one single subject: how will the baby sleep tonight? Try to sleep when the baby sleeps. Really. You don't have to be asleep to reap the benefits of resting. If you nod off, think of it as icing on the cake. Make it your priority that when the baby dozes off, you put your feet up too. At night, try sleeping with the baby in your bed: it will save you the energy of getting up for nighttime feeds. It's true, the laundry won't do itself, and you might be itching to run some errands, but try to resist the urge to be active. Let others help you with the housework. You have a baby, and you have a new, vitally important job: to keep yourself healthy. Here's what it all boils down to in the end: Simplify, simplify, simplify. Figure out what you cannot live without, and what you can, then set expectations accordingly. Keep supplies handy – prepare small containers (better yet, let a friend do it for you), each holding a couple of diapers, a box of wipes, a spare onesie. Keep one near the couch and one near your bed. Convenience is everything. Honestly, the best thing you can do for yourself the first two weeks after birth is to not move. Take up residence on your couch with a bottle of water, and let others take care of you. Let them run the carpool for your toddler and make supper for your family. You are a partner with G-d in the story of Creation, helping to build a new generation. Sit a while. You've earned it. You are a mother.•

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Help the "Forgotten People"

SUPPORT THE OJCB “Helping Jews Who Cannot Help Themselves” The Orthodox Jewish Chaplaincy Board assists all Jewish detainees, whether Orthodox or not, to provide the support system they need to practice Judaism at their level of religious observance during their incarceration. We are their contact to the outside world during their most difficult time.

vzc vz ohcrg ktrah kf All Jews are responsible for one another We provide: • Prayer services & Tefillin • Individual Counseling • Family Assistance & Notifications • Kosher Meals • Religious Books & Reading Materials • Jewish Holiday Programs • Holiday Food Packages

Please help us continue to help those in need by making your tax deductible contribution to: Orthodox Jewish Chaplaincy Board P.O. Box 480454 Los Angeles, CA 90048

Thank You - Tizku L’Mitzvohs A California 501(C) 3 Non-Profit Corporation. Tax ID# 30-0202066

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Home means a place to relax where you are not bothered; a safe comfort zone. When escaping from work or stress, we go home. If we mess up and need to get away, we go home. There in our homes we can be our true selves. There is a favorite saying by the rabbis of old, “Each and every man is a king in his own home” (Ethics of Rabbi Nathan, 200 CE). My great–grandmother had a hand embroidered sign that said, “Home Sweet Home”. So do many of my friends. However, lately all this seems to have changed.

Nowadays we drag the work with us. By owning a modem, that magical piece of modern technology, we can continue working non–stop. The latest computer advertisement which showed a man in pajamas walking over to his computer really hit home. The slick advertisement had a heading

Home Sweet Home

It seems our homes have been taken over by more and more gadgets, consuming our energy. The peaceful sanctity of the home is gone. Home is not what it used to be. Let me clarify from the onset, I am for computers, modems, virtual reality, E– mail and on–line, etc. I just would like to state some observations of what’s happening to us, users of the technology. Now let me give an example of what happens when we get home. First we listen to our answering machine; then turn on the pre–recorded videos; look at our E–mail and if we have a fax machine we review communications. Instead of relaxing we pick up more work. We think we will relax but we don’t. Remember this: The whole reason for coming home is to get away from it all. Instead, we now are going from one office to another. Imagine, we have had a long, hard day at work. We can’t wait to come home to 36 A u g u s t 1 2 , 2 0 1 1

relax and get away from all the stress and decision making. I believe that’s wishful thinking.

that said something like, “You can now do banking in your pajamas.” This is in the middle of the night! I ask, “Who needs banking at 2:00 a.m.?!” Instead of finding a haven from work, you simply can’t get away from work! The advertised message is that computer opportunities are now unbelievably enormous. They may be enormous from a business point of view. However, in a social system they are actually disheartening. Things are incredibly wrong! There are values and needs which are more important to a healthy individual. The reason you see a man doing banking in the middle of the night is that he can’t sleep knowing that he can access the computer. His “Home Sweet Home” has become the office annex. When and where is he going to relax? How can he give quality time, love, compassion and attention to his family if he • 323-965-1544 •

is doing banking in the middle of the night? The answer is that he won’t. You can form relationships using computer networks. You can receive the latest information from any country all by modem, so why try to lead a normal life? By bringing in more and more on–line features, we are losing inter–personal communication! For years I have counseled couples to separate work from pleasure, to leave the office at the office, to learn how not to bring work home, to use their home as an island for free time, personal activity and growth. You simply cannot give more time to work and lead a unified life. Let me illustrate. Once there was a teacher who needed some extra money. He placed an ad in the paper, “Private, One Hour Individualized Tutoring”. Parents sent their children to the tutor in the evening. However, there was one parent who said that too many students were being tutored. If there are 24 hours in a day and 25 students were being taught, how could the teacher advertise one hour of individualized tutoring per student? The teacher replied, “It’s simple. I get up one hour earlier!” If you want to live a healthy life you need certain hours for work and other hours for family and personal time. We must re–establish the home as a sanctuary, a non–negotiable place for peace and tranquillity where love and quality time can, once again, be shared. Leave the work at the office. In summation, it’s always been my contention that it’s drug abuse and not drug use that causes the problem. So, too, we are not asking computer users to pull the plug. What I do however ask is to not log on at 2:00 a.m. You may be down–loading your marriage and booted out of the system. •

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Rabbi Eli Hecht

After the English song, Claire, the maid of Milan, appeared in opera the words “home, sweet home” became a popular saying. You could ask anybody where they like to spend their private time and be told, “at home”. Yes, it’s home sweet home.

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ʰ ʴ

ʰ ʴ In everlasting memory of:

ʰ ʴ

MY PRECIOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH MY BELOVED WIFE AND DEAR CHILDREN May it rest in peace!

Shut your cell phone during learning, Davening and family time! Don’t be left to mourn countless irreplaceable losses!

August 12, 2011

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August 12, 2011

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We offer counseling for: Domestic Violence/Anger Management Groups Sexual Addictions Drug/Alcohol Education, Assessments & Testing Parenting Classes Monitored Visitation /Child Exchange Individual/Family/Marriage Counseling Eating Disorders Teen Counseling DNA/Paternity Testing Women Support Groups

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Crostini with Leeks, Mushrooms and Mozarella

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Ingredients

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• 2 Tbsp. extra virgin olive oil • 1 leek sliced thinly (whites and light greens) • 1 lb. mushroom mix (porcini, cremini, shitake, mini portabellos), chopped • 1/4 cup Kosher white wine • 20 small slices of fresh bread • 1 lb. fresh mozzarella cut into 20 slices • A pinch of salt • A pinch of pepper • Some parsley for garnishing

Engagements Mushky Wiess & Ari Muchkin Chaya Paltiel & Shmulie Chazanow Rivky Gross & Sruly Kin Naomi Pfeiffer & Adam Rich Tamara Lapin & Elliot Modlinger

Births - Boys Sarah Leah & Chesky Hoffman Maya & Greg Zutler Spinard Shoshana & Eliyahu Newman Dina Tova & Yossi Goldman Rochel & Dovid Schmukler Gita & Haim Hirsch Mushky & Mendel Baron

Directions

Preheat oven to 350o. In a skillet, heat olive oil over medium heat. Saute leek for 3-4 minutes. Add in mushrooms and saute for 3-4 minutes more. Throw in the salt and pepper. Pour in wine and increase heat to high and cook. Stir until the liquid evaporates, about 5-6 minutes.

Births - Girls Adena Silverstein & Levi Pinksy Ronit & Kenny Reinhard Aliza & Dave Sorani

Arrange bread on baking sheet and top each piece with a piece of mozarella.