Community Links Issue 212 by The Jewish Link

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July 27 - August 10, 2012

Vol. 9 Issue 212

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Courageous Couples

It takes courage to admit that you are wrong, and it takes courage to ask for forgiveness.

By Rabbi Dr. Jerry Lob

Criticism is but one step below a verbal attack. It isn’t quite as pointed, not quite as aggressive — but not that far off. . R’ Ben Tzion Shafier The Shmuz

What Is Homeopathy?

Patience is a virtue when it comes to healing a problem deep at its core, where the illness originally began.

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I Hate Criticism

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Courageous Couples

By Rabbi Dr. Jerry Lob

ood marriages can look different from each other. They are not the same, but they often share certain basic characteristics. For example, warmth, empathy, effective communication, a positive, upbeat attitude, and healthy strategies for resolving conflicts, to name just a few. It is well known that spouses hurt each other during arguments if they are not careful with their words, tone of voice, or gestures. The verbal or nonverbal communications that are offensive, can escalate the interaction to a point of feelings being severely hurt. What is less well known is the fact that taking care is not enough. It takes courage.

We tend to err in our challenging interactions in one of two ways. Either by reacting too little, or too much. Let me explain. The great Hillel tells us in Avos, “If I am not for me who will be for me, but if I am only for myself, then what am I?” In all relationships and probably most importantly, in marriage, it is so important to be able to “be for me,” standing up for oneself, to speak assertively and confidently. Some may think that it is better to not say anything. To feel that “even if my feelings are hurt, it’s better, for the sake of ‘Shalom Bayis,” to be silent.” There are definitely times that it is better to be silent. We really don’t need to make a whole issue out of something that is not that painful. It may be annoying, but not every annoying comment or action needs to be attended to. It is probably good to remember that you can be annoying too. (Yes, really.) It is behaviors or words that are demeaning to one’s dignity that shouldn’t be ignored. 10

Not speaking up at one of these occasions is, “too little,” and will often lead to resentment and a slow disconnect in the relationship, a moving away that is detrimental to the closeness of the couple. There is also a very good chance that the offensive words/actions will be repeated if not addressed by the recipient, in a direct, clear, and strong voice. It takes courage to respond in the following matter: “I was really hurt when you said, ‘______’, it’s not ok to talk to me that way.”

The “too much” scenario is played out in different ways. There is the person who is hurt too easily, where everything bothers him/her, seeming to be in a perpetual state of injury. This category is not the focus of this article, maybe another time. The “too much” reaction that is my focus is in the intensity of the response. The words he uses are not assertive, but rather aggressive, where the reaction is not only not respectful, but downright mean. This group takes its philosophy from grade school, and what we can call, “playground rules.” It goes something like this: “if you hurt me, I hurt you back.” Sometimes even articulating this approach as, “I know I’m being mean and hurtful, but too bad, you started.” This is crooked, inappropriate thinking, can often lead to abuse, and is clearly prohibited by the Torah. We need to remember that the prohibition against taking revenge applies to revenge on spouses (and children!) too. And Hillel would describe this person as “If I’m only for myself then what am I,” expressing the idea that, “it’s all about me, and your feelings don’t matter.” July 27, 2012 • 323-965-1544 • info@communitylinks.info

It seems clear to me that it is not only the group who take the “too little” approach, who are fear based, unable to speak up and express themselves assertively. It is the aggressive group as well. While it is less obvious, and they appear strong, aggressive behavior and communication is often a sign of fear and weakness, the fear of saying something assertively with confidence. Shouting or using harsh words makes one feel strong, but it is superficial and insecurity is hiding behind the meanness. When one is truly confident, there is no need for verbal violence or aggressive behavior.

I will always remember the powerful words of Horav Wolbe ZT”L, who, more than thirty years ago told a group of young, newly married men, I among them, that the trick in having a happy Torah based marriage is not in not arguing. “You will argue, of course there will be conflict,” our holy Rabbi warned us. And he continued,

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“You each married smart young women, with their own opinions. The trick is in how you argue, arguing like a ‘mentch’ at all times. And the trick is in how you end the argument, with compromise, and apologies when warranted.”

It takes courage to admit that you are wrong, and it takes courage to ask for forgiveness. It takes greater courage to articulate to your spouse that he/she has hurt you. And greater courage still to ask for an apology, while communicating it all in an assertive, yet respectful, even loving, way.

Dr. Lob is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Chicago, working with adults, adolescents, and families, for many years. He lectures and writes extensively on topics relating to psychology, relationships, parenting, education, and Jewish thought.

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Parshas Devarim

R’ Ben Tzion Shafier-The Shmuz

I HATE CRITICISM “And it was in the fortieth year, in the twelve month, on the first day of the month, when Moshe spoke to the Bnai Yisroel according to everything that HASHEM said to them.” — Devarim 1:3

Moshe only rebuked the Jewish people at the end of his life When Moshe Rabbeinu was near the end of his life, he gathered the Klal Yisroel together to give them rebuke for the sins they committed in the forty years of wandering in the desert.

Rashi is bothered by why he waited. Why didn’t he rebuke them years earlier when the events first took place? Rashi answers that Moshe learned from Yaakov Avinu. Yaakov didn’t admonish his son Reuvain until he was close to death. “If you are wondering why I didn’t admonish you all of these years,” Yaakov told Reuvain, “it’s because I was afraid that if I did, you would leave me and cling to my brother Aysav.” Therefore, Yaakov waited until he was about to die and only then did he chastise Reuvain. Moshe learned from Yaakov, so he too didn’t give rebuke to the Jewish nation until he was about to die.

This Rashi is very difficult to understand. Why would Yaakov be afraid that if he criticized Reuvain, it would cause him to leave and cling to Aysav? First off, it is difficult to imagine a relationship of love, mutual respect, and dedication that was greater than the one that Yaakov and 16

his oldest son Reuvain shared. Aside from the natural sense of attachment of a son to his father, Reuvain accepted his father as his teacher, mentor, and spiritual guide. Surely, that should have allowed Reuvain to know that his father’s rebuke was only for his good.

Furthermore, whenever Yaakov spoke to his son, it was with love and sensitivity. If a situation arose where Yaakov felt his son erred, a mature person like Reuvain would willingly accept words of guidance and correct his ways. Why should Yaakov have been afraid? The damage of criticism

The answer to this question is based on the effect that criticism has upon a person. The Orchas Tzadikim (Shaar 12) explains that when you verbally attack me, it is a given that I will retaliate. It isn’t much different than if you were physically assaulting me. I perceive your words as an attack against the essence of me, and it is almost within the category of self-defense for me to strike back at you. Every fiber of my being screams out to defend myself against the onslaught of your words.

Criticism is but one step below a verbal attack. It isn’t quite as pointed, not quite as aggressive — but not that far off. When you criticize me, I am under attack. The essence of me, who I am, and what I stand for is being assaulted. You may not have intended it that way, but that is

what I feel. There is a powerful sense of disapproval and condemnation that comes across, and I feel under attack. No one likes to be criticized, and the easiest course is to avoid the pain by pulling away. The greater you are in my eyes, the greater the damage of your words, and the more they will drive a wedge between us. Why Yaakov was afraid to criticize Reuvain

This seems to be the answer as to why Yaakov was so afraid to criticize Reuvain. Despite the fact that Yaakov would only have intended it for his son’s good, and despite the fact that Reuvain was looking for direction from his loving father, if Yaakov had rebuked Reuvain, he was afraid that it would have forced them apart, damaging the relationship, and perhaps even going so far as to drive Reuvain away. The sense of disapproval that Reuvain would have felt would have been so difficult to bear that Reuvain might well have run away to avoid it, even going so far as joining Aysav.

This is a powerful illustration of the damage caused by rebuke. Even in a relationship based on mutual love and respect, criticism undoes the bond and causes a separation. Here we see it with a mature man whose priorities were straight, a man who lived his whole life for growth and recognized his father as the spiritual guide of the generation. Yet

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words of rebuke could have had the effect of separating and causing even such a man to go off the path. If for great people, how much more so for us?

If this concept is true for people as great as the Avos, how much more so for us? The reality is that we humans are very sensitive; we hunger for approval and despise rejection. When you criticize me, it may not be your intention, but I feel unwanted and unaccepted. I feel that you don’t approve of me, so I am not respected in your eyes. That emotion is very difficult to bear. The easiest course is for me to run away — away from the situation, and away from you. For that reason,

How ToTake An Insult

When I was in third grade, I had a teacher who taught us how to accept a compliment. “Don’t squirm,” she would say. “Look the person in the eye, and say thank-you.”

While this was wise advice, I don’t recall any teacher telling us how to take an insult. The Chovos HaLevavos does (Sha’ar Bitachon 3): When someone insults you causing you pain, you should turn your eyes heavenward and say, “Thank you, Hashem, for revealing a few of my many flaws.” I am to recognize that the words said by that man, were meant for me to hear. The one who spoke was the messenger, sent by Hashem.

Looking at life from this perspective is transformative. People shrink down to size. Hurtful words lose their sting. I get it—it all comes from Hashem. Obviously, I don’t get angry. How could I get angry? You didn’t hurt me; you didn’t insult me—you are just the puppet mouthing the words. There was Someone behind the scenes pulling the strings. Punching the loudspeaker

Imagine that I am speaking to a large audience, and because of the size of the crowd, I am using a microphone. I go

criticism is poison to all relationships. As a parent, it is one of the most noxious elements that can ruin an otherwise strong relationship. As a spouse, it can be the wedge that drives apart an otherwise happily married couple. And amongst friends, it can be the force that ends an otherwise nurturing relationship. 3 rules of criticism

For that reason, before a person sets out to criticize, he should remember the three cardinal rules of criticism. The first rule is: don’t do it. The second rule is: don’t do it. And the third rule is: don’t do it.

Don’t do it because it hurts. Don’t do it

through my presentation, point by point, and then suddenly I stop. I stare directly at you sitting in the audience. Then, I turn red in the face, point my finger at you, and start yelling: “You are a goodfor-nothing, lowly, worthless bum. I didn’t know such foul people even exist!” And, I proceed to call you every name in the book.

How would you react? I would imagine that you would be incensed. “I can’t believe he did that!” you might say to yourself. “He insulted me. He ripped me to shreds—in public, no less. What right did he have to do that?” Now imagine that you got so angry, you decided to take matters into your own hands. You stand up, walk over to the loudspeaker, and smash your fist right into the subwoofer.

That would be a foolish reaction. If you were to punch me, we could debate whether that’s clever. But punching the loudspeaker doesn’t make any sense. The loudspeaker didn’t insult you—I did.

That is what the Chovos HaLevavos is teaching us. No man can harm me. If you yell at me, if you call me names, if you embarrass me—I am supposed to understand that those words are meant for me to hear. They are being directed by Hashem right to me. You are nothing but the loudspeaker. So I am supposed to

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because it distances people. Most of all, don’t do it because it doesn’t work.

Even if your intentions are to help, and even if you only mean these words for the good of the recipient, criticism is a powerful separator that accomplishes no good, merely drives people apart, and should be avoided like the plague.

For more on this topic please listen to Shmuz #53 - I Hate Criticism. “The Shmuz”, an engaging and motivating Torah lecture that deals with real life issues is available for FREE at www.TheShmuz.com. The Shmuz on the Parsha Book, a compilation on all of Chumash is now available for purchase either in your local Sefarim store, or at the Shmuz.com

turn my eyes heavenward, acknowledge the source of the message and say, “Thank you, Hashem, for revealing a few of my many flaws.” No one can help you either

But there is also a flip side—no one can help me either.

If I were destined to struggle financially, the wealthiest man in the world can’t change that decree. If I was slated to be sick, my uncle could be the head of Oncology at Sloan Kettering Hospital— there’s nothing that he can do for me. Hashem metes out pain and suffering in a very measured and defined manner— and no one can interfere.

People don’t make me rich. Connections don’t help me get ahead. My business acumen doesn’t make me wealthy. If I am supposed to get that money, it will come from this pipeline or from that one. If I’m not supposed to have that money, it may come in here, but I will eventually lose it. No one can change Hashem’s decree. Across the full spectrum of the human experience, Hashem is directly and intimately involved in the running of our lives. This is an excerpt from the new Shmuz on Bitachon book: Finding and Keeping your Soul mate. Look for it, June 1, in stores and online at www.theShmuz.com

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Unquestioned Answers Tisha B'Av

ecently, the expression that Jews traditionally wished each other before the start of the Tisha B'Av fast was replaced by what one might call a more evocative one. What was once "have an easy fast" has been transformed into "have a meaningful fast." While "easy" or "meaningful" are not necessarily contradictory, nevertheless, in order to make any fast meaningful, we first must understand why we are fasting. And in order to understand why we are fasting, we must think. A good place to begin is a verse in Eicha, the Book of Lamentations, composed by the prophet Yirmiyahu as he watched the Temple, and the society of his times, erode and crumble, and the Jewish people go into exile.

Despite suffering a terrible fate, seeing his leaders, his beloved people, and his cherished Temple all destroyed, he tells the nation: "Of what shall a living man complain? A strong man for his sins! Let us search and examine our ways, and return to Hashem" (Lamentations 3:39-40).

The prophet's question, "Of what shall a living man complain?" is difficult to understand. People always complain. Didn't Yirmiyahu experience enough to complain about? Also why does Yirmiyahu ask about a living man? Dead men don't tell tales, and they don't complain either. So why the extra word? Perhaps the second question answers the first, and the second verse emphasizes the answer. The Chasam Sofer once met a very old man and asked him the secret of his longevity.

"I know that long life is a gift," the great sage said. "Tell me, what exemplary act did you do that merited you these long years?" The old man looked up and smiled. "Actually, I did nothing special. You see I have a different theory about long life. I stuck to my theory, and it worked for me." "And what is that theory?" the great sage inquired.

The old man wrinkled his deeply lined face. "Like myself, all my friends went through their share of tzorus and misfortunes. We all do. They are, however, not here any longer. I am."

"But why?" prodded the Chasam Sofer. "That was exactly my question. What is the secret of your longevity? Yes! We all have our tzorus. But they didn't break you! You are still alive and in very good health. What is the difference between you and your friends?" "You see," answered the old man., "my friends asked 'Why?' I, however, did not."

The Chasam Sofer seemed puzzled, but the man continued his monologue. "You see, every time tragedy struck, my friends would ask the Almighty, why did this happen? How did I come to deserve this? They would plead and prod the Creator for answers that no mortal mind could understand. And you know what happened?"

The Chasam Sofer shook his head, careful not to interrupt the man's train of thought. "Hashem said, 'Do you really want to understand? Come, I

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will show you.' And so He took them to a place where all the mysteries of life are revealed, a place where the past and the future collide and today's actions are the answers to history's expostulations."

The man continued. "I, on the other, hand, was not so curious. And if I was, I did not turn to Hashem and ask, 'Why?' Rather, I accepted what happened."

Then the man's face began to glow. "And do you know what? He never invited me upstairs to explain anything!"

Perhaps the essence of our annual mourning service can be summed up with Yirmiyahu's word's that analyze a mortal approach to immortal justice. "Of what shall a living man complain? A strong man for his sins! Let us search and examine

our ways, and return to Hashem."

We may have questions, but such questions do not require us to obsess about finding new answers. Instead, the only answer we can have is to search our own souls with introspection and return to Hashem.

In truth, we are not put in this world to demand answers. We are here to improve ourselves and ultimately, the world. And we are here to understand when to turn to our own lives for answers, instead of to the Almighty with questions, so that we may survive the tragedies with both faith and life intact. Have a meaningful (and easy) fast.

Rabbi Mordechai Kamenetzky www.torah.org

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chronic eczema have been greatly helped with homeopathy, after all other medicines have failed them. These are merely a few examples that first come to mind, where homeopathy has proven to be a savior.

A visit to a homeopath typically includes the homeopath asking many questions, which might initially seem irrelevant, but those silly questions are what produce the clues to understanding which remedy is needed to heal the By Sara Chana, IBCLC, RA (AHG) specific condition. Among the many questions asked are those hy isn’t homeopathic medicine very popular in concerning the individual’s natural tendencies, food choices America? Maybe it is because the tenet of and physical or emotional ailments. These questions are homeopathy is ‘less is more,’ and for most of essential because from the Homeopath’s perspective it isn’t us this is an unusual concept considering our present society of primary concern what the condition is called, rather how believes that ‘more is better.’ When homeopaths suggest a it affects the individual person. Homeopathy investigates the remedy the medicine is administered in small pellets that are ‘entire person’—looking to see where there are ‘imbalances’ dissolved under the tongue. Sometimes a person will need and, in response, balances the whole body. However, Hometo take the homeopathic remedy three times a day to feel bet- opathy stabilizes the body in a way that is specific to the ter, or sometimes, only taking the remedy once will be enough individual person, and who she is. For example; if five people to stimulate the person’s body to heal itself! If the remedy is come down with the ‘flu’, each person will have contracted only administered one time with positive results, then the the same virus, but it will manifest with different symptoms philosophy is to ‘wait and see’ how the body will respond. depending on the individual. One person may have a high Patience is a virtue when it comes to healing a problem deep fever while another low grade fever. One may suffer from at its core, where the illness originally began. muscle pain and sweating, while the other will have bone pain and feel chilly. Five different people with the same flu might Homeopathy is a medicine that is both safe and effective require five different homeopathic remedies, because for people of all ages and in all stages of life. Homeopathy everyone's body has the potential to react differently to a takes different properties from nature (plants, elements, bacsimilar experience. teria and so on) and converts them into healing remedies. Homeopaths study and learn the characteristics that define Furthermore, Homeopaths strive to discover who a person the active agent of each remedy in order to prescribe them truly is, as a unique being, in order to prescribe a remedy appropriately. This knowledge is the key feature in the that both matches the illness as well as the inimitable qualities successful diagnosis and effective treatment of illnesses of that person. Though it is often a long and arduous through homeopathy. process for a Homeopath to really get to know the

What is Homeopathy?

There are a large number of children who yearly avoid tubes in their ears thanks to the wonders of homeopathy. Adult arthritis sufferers have stopped taking anti-inflammatory medications once they've found the remedy best suited for them. Adults and children alike who have suffered from

multi-faceted nature of each person, it is ultimately necessary, for proper results. Once a Homeopath gets to know you and prescribes the appropriate remedy, the results of homeopathic medicines are safe, long lasting and easy to use without the presence of uncomfortable side effects.

July 27, 2012 • 323-965-1544 • info@communitylinks.info

How is a homeopathic remedy made? During the process of making a remedy the ‘substance’ is diluted many times and then shaken repeatedly (successed). This liquid dilution is then poured over sugar pellets which absorb the liquid, and after drying, the sugar pellets are put into a vial and labeled. On each bottle you will find the name of the remedy—for example Belladonna, a number and letter. The number and letter correspond to the remedy’s strength, or potency. The numbers range from 6x, 6c, 12c, 15c, 30c, 200c, 1M, 10M. The number represents the amount of times the remedy was diluted and shaken (succussed). The philosophy with homeopathy is that the more the substance is diluted, the stronger it becomes. So, diluting the substance 200 times makes it stronger than diluting it 6 times. This means that a homeopathic remedy at 200c is stronger than 6c.

Lower numbers or ‘lower potencies’ are used for conditions that are visible to the eye, or that affect the skin or mouth. So, if you have a canker sore you may try a remedy called Borax 6x. Since this remedy is relatively weak—a low potency—it can be repeated up to four times a day until the canker sore is resolved. On the other hand, if a person experienced a trauma like witnessing a terrible car accident and is suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder, this patient would require a remedy at a ‘higher potency’ that is given less frequently. The homeopath may prescribe a remedy called Aconite 1M which is used for emotional shock. Since the ‘potency’ is higher, the patient is advised to take the remedy only once, and then wait for, perhaps, a week or a month to see how he or she has responded.

Therefore, part of the job of the homeopath is also to match not only the homeopathic substance—as represented by its name, but also the potency. For example, if a person has a terrible fever, he or she may be prescribed a remedy called Belladonna 30c. 30c is chosen because it is a potency that is in the middle of the potency range and fevers are considered middle level illnesses—affecting much of the body. The 30c works on the physical and mental states of the patient in a more precise way than the Borax 6x, for example, works on a canker sore—which is more localized in the body and therefore is not considered a middle level illness. Why choose Belladonna? Belladonna is a poisonous plant that if ingested in its natural form would cause the symptoms of fever—sweating and dilated pupils—but if diluted and ingested in microscopic amounts, the reaction is to lessen the July 27, 2012 • 323-965-1544 • info@communitylinks.info

patient’s symptoms until the person gets better. It is thought in this philosophy of “like cures like” is that the energy of the remedy collides with the energy of the illness and dissipates the imbalance.

If you are new to homeopathy, a basic and easy to use remedy is remedy called Arnica. I recommend purchasing the Arnica at a dose of 30c. Arnica 30c is for bumps, bruises, or muscle pain. This is a great universal remedy that is a beneficial to have in your first aid kit at all times. It can be used for pain caused either by a strained muscle after an intense workout, or after dental work. Arnica is helpful to have at little league games for the inevitable bruises, or from the sores that accompany a family hike! Let this remedy be your first taste into the world of homeopathy.

Sara Chana Silverstein, IBCLC RH (AHG) is a Lactation Consultant, Classical Homeopath, and Registered Herbalist with twenty years of experience. She migrates from New York and spends her summers in Los Angeles, seeing clients from newborns to the elderly. She helps with all medical conditions and specializes in woman’s and children’s health. She can be reached at 917-587-0262 or Sarachanala@gmail.com

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The Never Ending Voice Rabbi Yossy Goldman

hen the Ten Commandments are repeated in the Torah as part of Moses' review of the Israelites' 40 years in the wilderness, Moses describes how G-d spoke those words in "a mighty voice that did not end" (Deuteronomy 5:19). One of the explanations offered by Rashi is that Moses is contrasting G-d's voice with human voices. The finite voice of a human being, even a Pavarotti, will fade and falter. It cannot go on forever. But the voice of the Almighty did not end, did not weaken. It remained strong throughout. Is this all the great prophet had to teach us about the voice of G-d? That it was a powerful baritone? That it resonated? Is the greatness of the Infinite One that he didn't suffer from shortness of breath, that He didn't need a few puffs of Ventolin? Is this a meaningful motivation for the Jews to accept the Torah? Moses was the greatest of all prophets. He foresaw what no other prophet could see. Perhaps he saw his people becoming caught up in the civilization of ancient Greece, in the beauty, culture, philosophy and art of the day. And they might question, is Torah still relevant?

Perhaps he foresaw Jews empowered by the Industrial Rev-

olution, where they might have thought Torah to be somewhat backward. Or, maybe it was during the Russian Revolution that faith and religion were positively primitive.

Perhaps Moses saw our own generation with its satellites and space shuttles, television and technology. And he saw young people questioning whether Torah still speaks to them.

And so Moses tells us that the voice that thundered from Sinai was no ordinary voice. The voice that proclaimed the Ten Commandments was a voice that was not only powerful at the time, but one that "did not end." It still rings out, it still resonates, it still speaks to each of us in every generation and in every part of the world.

Revolutions may come and go but revelation is eternal. The voice of Sinai continues to proclaim eternal truths that never become passé or irrelevant. Honor Your Parents, revere them, look after them in their old age instead of abandoning them to some decrepit old age home. Live moral lives; do not tamper with the sacred fiber of family life, be sensitive to the needs and feelings of others. Dedicate one day every week and keep that day holy. Turn your back on the rat race and rediscover your humanity and your children. Don't be guilty of greed, envy, dishonesty or corruption.

July 27, 2012 • 323-965-1544 • info@communitylinks.info

Are these ideas and values dated? Are these commandments tired, stale or irrelevant? On the contrary. They speak to us now as perhaps never before. The G-dly voice has lost none of its strength, none of its majesty. The mortal voice of man declines and fades into oblivion. Politicians and spin-doctors come and go, but the heavenly sound reverberates down the ages.

Torah is truth and truth is forever. The voice of G-d shall never be stilled.

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Rabbi Yossy Goldman was born in Brooklyn, New York, to a distinguished Chabad family. In 1976 he was sent by the Lubavitcher Rebbe, of righteous memory, as a Chabad-Lubavitch emissary to serve the Jewish community of Johannesburg, South Africa. He is Senior Rabbi of the Sydenham Highlands North Shul since 1986, president of the South African Rabbinical Association, and a frequent contributor to Chabad.org.

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JETS (Jewish Educational Trade School) is developing a personal finance and business education curriculum to empower students with the skills they need to succeed in the world, complementing their religious studies to help them in all their endeavors. JETS strives to provide an educational experience tailored to the individual needs of each student. In that spirit, JETS is seeking the active participation of business professionals from any number of fields to join JETS as guest speakers and mentors to the students.

Please consider helping JETS with this exciting new program. Contact Len Shaposhnik, Director of Volunteer Services, at spgshapo@gmail.com or Rabbi Smith, Principal, at rabbismith@jetsschool.org with any questions or go to www.jetsschool.org for more information about the school.

Led by founder and director, Rabbi Mayer Schmukler, JETS serves students with educational needs that may not be met by a conventional yeshiva. These students are selected because of a strong motivation to learn about Judaism and obtain the practical skills for an occupation which will allow them to become productive members of society and the Jewish people. JETS looks forward to working with community partners in training the next generation of Jewish success stories.

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Hands-on-How-to’s for the Home & Heart …on shmiras haloshon

Start off by davening. At the end of every Shemoneh Esrei we ask HaShem to guard our tongue from speaking evil. Pause a moment and be sure to focus when you say it. There is also a beautiful prayer composed by the Chofetz Chaim which says it all. Keep in mind that regrettably, speaking loshon hora without doing proper teshuva greatly weakens the power of our tefillos; it actually damages our tongue.

…on children and homework

Have a special area for doing homework. It can be a corner of a room, with a certain table or desk, and maybe a very comfortable chair. Make sure there is adequate light. Try to reduce disturbances, be it from other children, the telephone or other activities. It’s a good idea to keep track of what distracts your child; one might want music in the background, while another can’t work with any noise. If you have a few children, don’t hesitate to write down each one’s preferences; it will be one less thing to keep track of. You can even show her that you

are doing so and she will see that you really think it’s important. Once you know what works, follow through. If you need to eliminate noise, but cannot, try earplugs or make an arrangement with a quiet neighbor

. …on performing chessed

Think chessed. Among the plethora of tips Rabbi Zelig Pliskin offers in his many books is the following gem: When you want to work on a particular middah or issue, decide to think about it every time you do something that you do a few times a day, such as glancing at your watch. In this example, try to associate “time” with chessed; whenever you look at a clock, think “chessed.” Even if initially, all you do is think about it in vague terms, it’s a start. As you progress, look for chessed opportunities and you’ll find. They’re all over! This material is excerpted from Hands-on How-to's for the Home and Heart - a guidebook with over 300 pages of tips on over 50 topics, plus 50 recipes! Purchase a copy or for more info, call Tova Younger at 1.310.945.5512

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