the DOS and DON’TS OF A HEALTHY MARRIAGE

JULIE WINDAHL, licensed marriage and family therapist at Resolve Mental Health in Fargo, shares some simple ways to keep your marriage happy and healthy.

DO figure out your partner’s love language

If your spouse is naturally a very physical person, it could be that “touch” equals “love” to him. On the other hand, he may assume you’re the same way when actually you need something completely different. “The absence of the things we need from our partner can lead to resentment,” says Windahl. “Don't assume your spouse’s love language is the same as yours.” Discover each other’s love languages with the online quiz at 5lovelanguages.com.

DON'T neglect your relationship for your job or kids

If someone feels they’ve been ignored for a long time, they start to create a life independent of their spouse. Windahl suggests that a couple times per week, set aside an hour to turn the TV and your phones completely off and just spend time together. Develop a “getting to know you” mind set. Ask your spouse their view on current events, their day, their work goals, where they see you as a couple in the future, anything. “You assume you already know their answers,” says Windahl. “But people change over time, and you might be surprised.”

DO discuss your finances

While it's not the most romantic topic, not having the same financial goals can lead to big conflict. “As a therapist I see that happening so often,” says Windahl. Agree on a specific time to have a conversation about your financial future and bigger purchases to see if you have a similar mindset. If not, see if there is a way to negotiate. Could a big purchase that only benefits one of you be set aside until you’ve saved enough for something for each of you?

DON’T argue more than you have positive interactions

“You don't want a 50/50 ratio,” says Windahl. “If you get into an argument with your spouse, to the best of your ability, resolve that issue and don't insight another argument.” It can be exhausting when one partner’s resentment continues for days. Be the kind of person you’d want to come home to every night. Making just one small gesture every day to let your partner know that you love and appreciate them can go a long way, even if you’re going through a rough spot.