daily lobo 040110 by UNM Student Publications

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dailybobo

April 1,

2010

The Independent Voice Of UNM Since 1895 Stuffi ng News Down Your Throat Since 1895

volume 114 issue 126

Duck Pond adventure uncovers toxic treasure by Quarter Roy

day, but he was glad to figure out where he was. “I was in one of my Scotland lakes and I felt like going on a walk. So I went to my armoire to get my ecause everyone and everything coat and I just fell into some parallel universe,” the seems to gravitate toward the Duck monster said. “As it turns out, I’m in New Mexico.” A mermaid, covered in a toxic film, warned AvPond, Daily Bobo editor-in-chief Eva Avenue got to wondering what’s at the enue not to go in the Duck Pond again because of the water quality. bottom. “Then, I guess she felt bad for me, so she gave So she suited up and went for a dive at 8 a.m. me the answer sheet to Thursday. You will not believe the Anthropology 150 final the treasure gathering down in exam,” Avenue said. “If anythe wet, stinky freeze. It’s really one has that class, you can polluted. come by the newsroom to She found an old TV, the Loch see me about it, but don’t tell Ness Monster, all sorts of weird Mark Muller.” monster fish looking like they got While headed to his weekcaught in a nuclear waste tide, ly Playwrights Anonymous some dead bodies (though one ~James Blessing meeting, student James Blesslooked like he was still breathing ing saw her procure some of — Avenue said she kicked him in the chest and he got up out of the water), a platter his belongings from the pond. “I was walking by when she totally pulled out of buttered bagels and spaghetti with refried beanballs, GPSA’s 15th draft of amendments from Octo- my old stolen bike!” he said. “Then she pulled out my missing homework assignments from freshber 2009… The Loch Ness Monster was the most shocked men year, mismatched socks from my argyle colto see Avenue in the water, she said. The monster lection, my pink lighter and my pet turtle. Thanks, said it’s been a while since he’s seen the light of Daily Bobo!”

Daily Bobo

“I was walking by when she totally pulled out my old stolen bike!”

Vanessa Sanchez / Daily Bobo Eva Avenue, Daily Bobo commander-in-chief, found this sea monster during a quick dip in the Duck Pond on Wednesday. To see the specimen, come by the Daily Bobo newsroom in Marron Hall.

Avenue resurrects a TV from the depths of the Duck Pond. She dates it at about 15 years old, because it was looping a really old episode of “The Simpsons” when she discovered it. You know, when they had those really weird voices. Gabbi Campos / Daily Bobo

UNM drowning in wet campus by Richie Yelkin Daily Bobo

t’s been four days since UNM repealed its “dry campus” rules, and the Daily Bobo still can’t find a single sober person to interview. “Issshh ‘cuz we’re all- all are celebratin!” said Petey “Taz” Radisson, a drunk student. “We’sh got to show everbody we know that’s we can, uh… party!” New UNM President John Birks “Dizzy” Kulkarni, who instituted the “wet campus” rule, said he felt it was important to show students that personal freedom must be balanced with a keen sense of responsibility. “Wooooooo!” he said. A student protest against the ongoing quagmires in Iraq and Afghanistan was unusually festive Tuesday. “You know what? I don’t, um, don’t, um,” said protest organizer Jeff “Concerned Citizen” Glbert. “I, um, party!” Curiously, UNM campus is still considered smoke-free. Earth Sciences Professor James “Nerd” Cooley said he was not drunk while teaching class. “I habn’t been drankin since I wab 13 year ol,” Cooley slurred while

Inside the

Daily Bobo

Joey Trisolini / Daily Lobo Student Ryan Garcia takes a study break four days into the implementation of UNM’s wet campus policy. “Leave me alone, mom!” he screamed at our photographer.

April Fools’ comes once a year, fools. Today’s paper is full of satire, nonsense and non sequiturs. Read up, drink up, shut up, play hard. For entertainment purposes only.

standing pantless in front of a halffull lecture hall. “I- Well, this inter-erview it over, I think I’m teaching class right now.” Cooley passed out in a puddle of his own vomit approximately five minutes later, but was not rushed to the hospital because no one was sober enough to remember the number for 9-1-1. Students in the Coronado dormitory celebrated the rules by urinating out of open windows. Resident Advisor Jimbo “Boot Camp” Laine was not angry about being accidentally peed on seven times, because, he said, “the moisture helps the heat.” Regent Jackson “Moneybags” White, who was a staunch opponent of the “wet campus” rules, said he was completely wrong to try to keep the alcohol ban in place. “I’m really impressed with the level of maturity the students have demonstrated here since the wet campus rules were instituted four days ago,” he said. “I have come to the understanding that this campus is populated by level-headed adults, who won’t fly off the handle or act irresponsibly just because they’re allowed to have a

see Wet campus page 3

hot as hell or freaking snow

Who knows? It’s New Mexico. Your guess is as good as ours

2 >>bobonews

aprilfools April 1, 2010

caught reading

Thursday, April 1, 2010 / Page 2

Ryan Tomari reads the inside of his eyelids under Wednesday’s paper. If a Daily Bobo staff member catches you reading the paper, you’ll be sent to Guantanamo Bay and have your photo in Thursday’s Page Two feature.

Vanessa Sanchez / Daily Lobo

Daily Lobo new mexico

volume 114

issue 126

Telephone: (505) 277-7527 Fax: (505) 277-6228

Commander-in-Chief Eva Avenue Managing Somehow Abigail Ramirez Ambulance Chaser P@ Lohmann Assistant Ambulance Chaser Tricia Remark Glue Sniffers Andrew Beale Kallie Red-Horse Ryan Tomari Foreign Editor

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News@DailyLobo.com Advertising@DailyLobo.com www.DailyLobo.com

Button Pusher Vanessa Sanchez Assistant Button Pusher Gabbi Campos Artsy Fartsy Hunter Riley

Assistant Artsy Fartsy Chris Quintana Wannabe Athlete Isaac Avilucea Water boy Mario Trujillo Job No one Wanted Liz Vicious Opinionated Snob Zach Gould Boss Hog Joey Trisolini Design Dictator Cameron Smith Token Sean Gardner Classified Capitalist Antoinette Cuaderes Mad Manager Steven Gilbert

The New Mexico Daily Lobo (USPS #381-400) is published daily except Saturday, Sunday during the school year and weekly during the summer sessions by the Board of Student Publications of the University of New Mexico, Albuquerque, NM 87131-2061. Subscription rate is $50 an academic year. Periodical postage paid at Albuquerque, NM 87101-9651. POST-MASTER: send change of address to NEW MEXICO DAILY LOBO, MSC03 2230, 1 University of New Mexico, Albuquerque, NM 87131-0001. Letter submission policy: The opinions expressed are those of the authors alone. Letters and guest columns must be concisely written, signed by the author and include address, telephone and area of study. No names will be withheld.

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>>bobonews Campus Briefs UNM Student still doing that thing with his tongue In what area observers are calling “unsettling,” “awkward,” and “just perverse,” the guy in the SUB is still doing that thing with his tongue. “It’s just so weird,” student Melanie Tan said. “It’s like he’s licking his lips, but then I don’t understand why he’s making that slurping noise then. I mean, like, doesn’t he hear what he’s doing? Gross.” According to witnesses, the guy has been doing the tongue thing for the last half hour or so. Many observers have either plugged in their iPod or have moved altogether to the second floor or the Duck Pond. “I really just can’t stand it anymore!” Tan said before plunging her fingers into her ears and dashing away. The tongue thing, which seems to be a combination of a licking of the lips, or maybe a folding of the tongue, but then where would the popping sound be coming from then, continues to baffle the people around him. When questioned he merely replied, “Hey man, why’s everyone staring at me?” Fucking Day that Couldn’t Get Any Fucking Worse Just Somehow Got Fucking Worse A day too fucking unbelievably awful to be true just somehow got worse for student Marshall Donuhue due to a misplaced cell phone probably left in Dane Smith Hall.

aprilfools

April 1, 2010

“Fuck, I just don’t understand why this would happen today,” Donuhue exclaimed while patting down his pockets for the fifth time. “I already got in a fender bender, and forgot my paper at home, and then Sheila’s all weird today, too.” Donuhue says he probably left the “damn thing” in the communications class after his pants snagged on the corner of a desk. “It’s like God just doesn’t fucking care,” he said. At time of the interview Donuhue was gearing up to head over to Dane Smith from the Kiva when a negligent passerby bumped into him and spilled red cola all over his brand new white button-up shirt from the GAP. “Oh, fuck me with a broom,” Donuhue wailed. “You’re going to pay for that, buddy!” Donuhue was later reported waiting in the UNMPD holding cell with a black eye, torn shirt and, now, a missing set of keys.

couldn’t live in a frat house, then they could at least dress right. “You know, it’s really all about the look when you get right down to it, anyway.” he said before pulling a polo over the head of a homeless man. Chaz then unbends the collar and pops it up. “Perfect, now you’re a real broski,” he said. The frats then distributed sunglasses among the crowd, warning that you never wear them to protect against the sun, but on the back of your head for extra style.

Sunday morning — Local fraternities descended upon downtown Albuquerque with boxes filled with cherry and silver polo shirts. Local frat member going by “Chaz” said this was the frat’s way of really giving back to the community. “Yo, you know, there are just some folks. Quit it, Chad!” he said while jostling with another frat member to talk into the recorder. “Yeah, I guess not everyone can live in the house, you know what I mean.” And, voila, the polo idea was born. Chaz said if the homeless

bar, The Three O’clock Stumble. “These college kids are so, so damn great!” he said. “They don’t even care when I set them on fire mixing up some flamin’ drink!” Student Jonathan “Study Break” Kincaid said he hasn’t left the bar since it opened. “Crooked Eyeballs be bein’ the

best-est bartender ever! He’s so drunken he doesn’t remember to close the bar,” Kincaid said. “And he set me on fire! Awwwwww-some!” Daily Bobo reporter Richie “Scotch & Soda” Yelkin said he was tired of being left out of the fun. “I’m sick of writing this article,” he said. “Now where’s my Smirnoff Ice?”

Frats donate Polo shirts, sunglasses to homeless

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Periodista no puede escribir en Español Una periodista del periodico “El Daily Lobo” todavía no puede escribir bien en español. Andrew Beale, quién escribía por el periodico desde hace dos años, dijo que quería mejorar su español, para poder escribir articulos en la idioma. « No comprendo nada de la forma de subjuntivo,» lamentó. « Ojalá que puedo encontrar amigos latino americanos para ayudarme aprender. » Beale debó usar el subjuntivo en ésta oración. «Ya puedo leer español muy bien, pero no estoy perfecto en escribir, » explicó. Beale tomaba tres años de clases de español, y intenta tomar más. «A veces, estoy desanimado con mis abilidades en español », Beale dijo. «Pero cuando pienso esto, entonces recuerdo que puedo escribir en español mejor que la mayor parte de la gente norte americano puede escribir en íngles.»

Wet Campus from page 1 glass of wine with lunch at La Posada.” White added, “But maybe I only say that because I’m two bottles of vodka in.” Ron “Crooked Eyeballs” Jameson, proprietor of new campus bar, The Giggly Librarian, said he made more money in four days on campus than he did in 10 years of running his old

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boboOPINION

April 1,

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2010

The Independent Voice Of UNM Since 1895 Fake It Till You Make It Since 1895

volume 114 issue 126

Letters Ethnocentric food enrages minorities (white people)

boboCULTURE

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Editor, After attending a recent freshmen Bobo orientation, I noticed that the only thing served for lunch when my parents came was Mexican food. I find this kind of blatant racism is repugnant. After my four years of high school, I can safely say that I know the definition of racism and this is it. What are all the non-Latino people supposed to eat? Where The Independent are the Twinkies and hamburgers? UNM says it has a goal of promoting diversity, but how is a campus supposed to be diverse when everyone except one race is dying from hunger? Luckily I saw that there is a McDonald’s conveniently located right outside of campus and have subsisted on McNuggets for the last few months. On an unrelated note, has anyone ever heard of the freshmen 50?

April 1,

2010

Voice Of UNM Since 1895

volume 114 issue 126

boboSPORTS

April 1,

Chuck R. Neck UNM student

dreary reporting. I also enjoy reading fun Your stupid Elite liberal media hatesThe Independent and exciting news stories that break away Voicearticle Of UNM Since 1895 from the same-old, same-old just as much ruined my day! as the next guy. But after reading that artijazz flautists and freedom

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Editor, Editor, I am outraged at what you call a publication. The Daily Bobo is nothing more than fuel It’s publications like the Daily Bobo that for the trash fire. I cannot believe you call what are contributing to the decline of journalyou do journalism. As a music major with an ism as the world knows it. Monday’s “GPSA emphasis on jazz flute, I can tell you as an exclarifies eight (8) amendments” showed pert that your entire news staff for the entire blatant disregard for the basic principles of history of your paper has never known what fair and accurate reporting. The Bobo chose journalism is. I mean how many days, months to run an over-hyped and dare I say it, senand years are going to go by with absolutely sational piece riddled with controversial no coverage on the very important jazz flute “facts” about GPSA’s so-called “meeting” to scene here in Albuquerque?! “clarify” these supposed “amendments.” How can your entire staff be purposefully ignoring the movement of a generation? All Sure, I understand Bobo editors’ tempstaff at the Daily Lobo must be Communists! The Independent Voice Since tation to run the story.Of It UNM was a 180-deThe fact that they don’t even attempt to progree flip from the Bobo’s typical mundane, vide a fair and balanced story about the flute movement shows just how terrible journalism has gotten. I blame you personally for the downfall of journalism and our country!

cle even I had to pop a Xanax, lie down for a few hours and miss my Monday basketweaving class. Thanks a lot. Especially after reading the end, “Other amendments are simple changes that make the constitution consistent, Knudsen said, such as adding numbers in parentheses after numbers are spelled out.” Eek. It even gives me chills repeating it here. Who did you have to pay to obtain such “information?” This story was nothing more than drivel in the spirit of supermarket tabloids!

bobofeatures What’s on your mind? Nothing, clearly.

Dave Mat Hews UNM student

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2010

Letters

Come on guys, cut GPSA some slack. They just lost the law school and now that 1895 they’re gone, others will inevitably come to their senses and follow suit. They are

Pete Maskeet UNM student

Editorial Board Eva Avenue

Commander-in-chief

Abigail Ramirez Managing to get by

Zach Gould

Opinionated snob

Pat Lohmann

Ambulance chaser

Octavius Sharkson Daily Bobo burner Editor, I am not saying there is, but if there was a cock-fighting arena in my backyard, what would be the best way to deal with the death squawks and chicken innards so that my neighbors wouldn’t say anything? Toshi Schlemner Daily Bobo reader

April 1,

2010

volume 114 issue 126

Love, Liz Vicious

Editor,

Andy Cervantas UNM student

Editor,

Not an English Student, Mateo Pizo

Editor, The Voice Of UNM Since As a non-native New Mexican coming fromIndependent Editor, Ohio, I am offended by the spiciness of your I demand to know why you have yet to re“chili.” How is anyone expected to put some- view the instant classic, “Mega Shark v. Giant thing that spicy in their mouth and enjoy it? I Octopus.” It won best picture in the Acadwant to invite anyone and everyone whether emy Awards and Golden Globes along with native or not to join me in this fight for bland best screenplay in India. You would think flavor. I know that many people too afraid to something like that would garner at least anger the Hatch chili mafia have been scald- some recognition, but no! I’ve been forced to ing their mouths for years. This senseless vio- live another year without media coverage for lence against the mouth must stop. this genius film. Jesus Christ, let’s get on the Think of the children! ball already.

Now, I’m not asking the Bobo issue for a public apology. Just a private one. At my house. Involving every last Bobo staff member as well as freelance writer for the past five years. All I ask is that you draw me an oatmeal bath, fix me a cobb salad and reimburse me for the basket weaving class I had to miss due to the over-stimulating piece of “reporting” in your “newspaper.”

Editor, Hey, you guys wouldn’t happen to know any good conspiracies would you? I am kind of bored in class, and I’ve been dating my girlfriend for a while. What I’m saying is that I could really use a good crackpot theory to lose myself in and make my life exciting again. Something involving mind control or shadowy governments ruled by super-intelligent cats would be pretty nice.

dailybobo

Cracka can’t take the heat

Editor, You should include more coverage on the themes of isolation and preserving desperation in “Bartleby, the Scrivener” and if you could do it sometime before the end of the week that would be even better.

basically up the creek without a paddle. Prettyvolume soon, GPSA’s will dwin114membership issue 126 dle down until it is just Lissa Knudsen and Danny Hernandez, declaring no-confidence in all of the other competent institutions and holding 36-hour meetings concerning comma placement in their new amended constitution.

1895 Editor, If I counted all the times I found a typo in the Bobo, I wood be a millionaire. Seriously how hard could it be to remember coma rules? I mean its like you dont even try to remember your apostrophes, guys. You should really consider buying a gramar gide to learn the rules of capitalization?

I am writing to the community to see if anyone can identify that one guy in that movie with a bunch of people at that place in another country where stuff happens. Winifred Butterface April 1, Editor’s note: Jude Law

Could you let Obama know that I think volume 114 issue 126 he’s doing a pretty good job, but why hasn’t he fulfilled his promises regarding freedom for the mole people residing underneath Dane Smith? I mean, it’s not like conditions underground are getting any better. Furthermore, all this new legislation for health care and student loans doesn’t mean anything for the country if the mole people are subjected to the caverns.

William Ledge UNM Student Editor, I need to know this immediately: If a tree falls in the woods and no one’s around to hear, does it affect the rate at which a wood chuck chucks wood? Also, I have to know what the sound of one hand clapping is. When’s the Daily Bobo going to cover some hard news?

2010

Tim Laos Taos Editor, You should do an April’s Fool issue. Henry Henry Bobo Aficionado

Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs Farmington

Letter submission policy

n Letters can be submitted to the Daily Lobo office in Marron Hall or online at DailyLobo.com. The Lobo reserves the right to edit letters for content and length. A name and phone number must accompany all letters. Anonymous letters or those with pseudonyms will not be published. Opinions expressed solely reflect the views of the author and do not reflect the opinions of Lobo employees.

>>bobonews

aprilfools

April 1, 2010

Tea Party protest

disrupts actual tea party Little girl sues “activists” for causing plush pals pain and suffering By Nathan Levick Daily Bobo

I’m a little teapot, Short and stout, Here is my handle. Here is my spout. When I get all steamed up, The bubbles of hate and heat rise violently within me. The pain is overwhelming. I squeal a glottal banshee bleat, A piercing massacre of my state of matter … of my soul.

e are all familiar with this teenage emo, diary poetry version of the nursery song “I’m a little tea pot,” but until last Wednesday never has the boiling point it describes been so real. Among a few friends, six-year-old host and fairy princess Sally Peterson’s afternoon gathering in Roosevelt Park was interrupted when a group began an anti-tax demonstration in the middle of her tea party. “They came out of nowhere,” said Sally, with fear in her eyes and pastry jelly still fresh on her face. “I seriously thought these things were over and that we as a nation had collectively moved on to the health care debate.” The protesters convened as part of the ongoing Tea Party movement, in which fiscal conservatives assemble to demonstrate their constitutional right to assemble in cities throughout the nation. Caught by surprise, Sally’s soiree scattered as the other Tea Party began its two hour-long rally event. DJ Schmidles Platypus, one of Sally’s closest imaginary

friends and a fan of Celestial Seasons variety teas got away unscathed, yet others were not so lucky. The event turned violent as the protesters specifically sought out one of Sally’s guests, her porcine puppet friend Hampton Koshert. Not only was the pig psychically manhandled, most likely in the ol’ puppet hole, but he was also verbally berated with accusations of being a proponent for governmental pork spending. “Things have gone too far,” said Sally’s lawyer Theodore Beryl, a plush bear with no pants. He intends to make the Tea Party pay. “This injustice will not go unanswered,” he said. “The overwhelming shreds of evidence of the emotional damages inflicted on my client are equal to the lack of threads of pants I won’t be wearing when I present my case to the jury.” This Tea Party craze that has taken the country by storm shows little sign of decline. Chester Worthington is a “teabagging” expert and founder of the Distinguished Gentlemen’s Nut Sack and Tea Bag Connoisseurs, a male-only organization where many men gather in order to, let’s assume, eat salty snacks and drink hot beverages together. He attributes the recent popularity of these occurrences to a more adventurous national taste. However, because of his thick British accent and tongue piercings, his interview statements remain largely unintelligible, something about “a stimulus package” and “really letting your bag steep to get the most intense, robust flavor.” As the dust settles, Sally is trying to move on from the devastation. “I seriously thought the Mad Hatter was as crazy as tea parties got, but I clearly had not met these people,” she said. Her last tea party will be held Friday, a small candlelight vigil entitled “An Oolong So Long,” where she will speak out against the Tea Parties and commemorate the bravery and memory of Wednesday’s victims. “From now on,” she says, “I think I’ll stick to playing with my doll house.”

Moneysuckers don’t care about poor students by Aiagibl Rerimaz Daily Bobo

fter 121 years, the UNM officially changed its name to the University of Notable Moneysuckers. More than 75 percent of University students petitioned the legislature to change the University’s name to a more appropriate slogan that reflects its mission. Student James Joons, organizer of the event, said he gathered more than 500 pages of signatures in a petition, presented to the legislature, from supporting students, staff and faculty. “Money — that’s the bottom line with the University and we wanted to show that,” he said. “They don’t care that students are struggling

and having to make hard decisions. Some are asking themselves, ‘Do I pay for tuition this month, or do I pay for food and rent?” Jeff Straton, president of UNM Students United, said students are getting creative using Ponzi schemes and renting out their parking spaces to pay their tuition. Administrative representatives said they disapprove of the University’s name change and are working hard to get it reversed. They declined to comment about student’s struggling to pay for tuition, although administrators are looking into money-saving solutions for students, such as taking back the fundings that were virtually promised to certain student groups.

The University of New Mexico Student Publications Board is now Accepting Applications for

2010-2011 Daily Lobo Editor Apply at: unmjobs.unm.edu Application Deadline: 1 p.m. Friday, April 2, 2010. Term of Office: May 2010 through April 2011. Requirements: To be considered, the candidate must be a student enrolled at the University of New Mexico, have been enrolled 6 hours or more at UNM the preceding 2 semesters, and have a cumulative grade point average of at least 2.5 by the end of the preceding semester. The editor must be enrolled as a UNM student for at least 6 credit hours throughout the term of office. Some publication experience preferable.

For more information call 277-5656.

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In a $1.4 million study released by GPSA, the toilet paper in the administrative building is found to be the best throughout the entire University. According to the study, the bathroom tissue is described to “hug your bottom.” The study stemmed from University-wide departments’ complaints about instances when they’ve had to go without t.p. For example, the English department, due to deficits in this year’s budget, has resorted to using old thesis papers. And with the abundance of books and

periodicals, the University libraries are using sheets out of publications no longer in print. Administration representatives declined to comment, but some speculate that the administration takes all of the good stuff. Professor Eddy Chavez said every time he attends Board of Regents subcommittee meetings he’s amazed to see the new bling in Scholes Hall. Each toilet has heated finegrain Bauhaus leather upholstered The Independent Voice seats. “The toilets have heated seats and they even wipe your ass for you and thank you for making a deposit,” he said. The toilet bowl in the back is

filled with expensive French perfume and encrusted with jewels. “It’s like a throne!” Chavez said. A student string quartet plays in the bathroom and takes requests. The students said they get six bonus credit hours per semester for playing in the bathroom every day. “And you don’t even have to tip them!” said UNM President David Schmidly. Bathroom attendant William between spritzing OfWinthrop UNMsaid, Since 1895 Daily Bobo reporters with sanitizer, that the stalls are filled with art from his personal collection. “They’ve got a genuine Thomas Kinkade in the fourth stall,” Winthrop said.

dailybobo

volume 114 issue 126

April 1,

2010

volume 114 issue 126

bobofeatures Scholes Hall bathroom: where The Independent Voice Of UNM Since 1895

2010

Suicide notes from snails

The Independent Voice Of UNM Since 1895

Zach Gould / Daily Bobo A quartet serenades the ankles of a UNM administrator on Wednesday. “Sometimes I just stop working and sit in the bathroom,” the administrator said.

April 1,

AUGUST 29, 2001 April 1, bitch. Who’s laughing now, Geraldine? You sticky

JANUARY 19, 2002 There is no laughter in this world for me. No smiles, no cheer, no levity. Can you imagine loving one thing so dearly, so desperately, but having your beloved kept from you because of inane and curt rules dreamed up by some judgmental cretin in the sky? Well, that is my reality. I am a snail. A snail who loves salt. And I’m not going to hide it anymore. Good night, world.

2010

JUNE 5, 2008 This would never happen to my father. He was calm, upright and viscous. Not like me. He would never wallow on hot pavement, praying for the swift sneaker of a school child to whisk away his anxieties. He would never sit idly in the storm drain, longing for that merciful summer storm of yore to wash him into the river and render him fodder for the myriad parasites there. But I’m not my father, so I’m going to sit behind the tire of this bus until school gets out. He was an asshole anyway.

volume 114 issue 126

April 1,

2010

NOVEMBER 27, 2000 As a larva I dreamed, as I suppose do many, of a beautiful place MARCH 14, 2009 promised only to the few. I dreamed Wait, so Bruce Willis has 114 issue 126 that I, too, could go there and driftvolume been dead throughout this whole among so many of my heroes. movie? That’s the fucking twist? But the naivete of youth quickly Aghhhh! gives way to the cold realities of the aged. I will never go to space.

Balloonists throw in the towel and go back to bed by Hunter Riley Daily Bobo

The Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta rode its last high at its 2009 event. The fiesta started in 1971, but the Albuquerque Balloon Committee decided the festival was too much of a hassle. In a statement released Monday, the Board of Directors cited “not wanting to wake up so early 10 days in a row and realizing that it’s just not worth all the sleep-loss,” as the driving force

by Nathan Levick Daily Bobo

Thanks to the results of a recently released survey conducted by UNM admissions, there is now evidence that reinforces one of the obvious pluses freshmen can expect when they come to UNM: Albuquerque is bustling with things for them to do. When choosing a university, there are many factors prospective freshmen must take into consideration, like the standard of education, how slimming the school colors make their asses look and the attractiveness of the graduate assistants. There are also the small details, such as the journalistic integrity of the school newspaper and if there is access to the same food vendors on campus without having to walk all the way across the street to the other side of Central Avenue. I mean, come on! Who has that kind of time? So what makes Albuquerque such a great place for undergrads? Part of the answer lies in the variety. Whether it’s going to the movies, staying in, or going to the movies, freshmen have

behind the decision. The board conducted a survey of about 15,000 attendees, all of which said they were probably too busy this year to go to the balloon fiesta. Mark Smeeth has lived in Albuquerque for three years and said he was happy to have more time to sleep in during the first two weeks of October. “It just comes down to the fact that when you have to get your ass out of bed at 4 a.m., you’re not going to have a good, productive

day,” Smith said. “Although the boost in tourism is good, we just can’t risk it. Locals aren’t only overwhelmed by the boost in business, they’re also severely sleep deprived. And after nine or 10 days of that, you just don’t have an efficient city.” While many people attend the fiesta as spectators, there are businesses that make a large portion of their profits from vending at the event. Ben Steele of Hobbs said the balloon fiesta should reverse its decision. “I sell funnel cakes and bratwursts in

Freshmen overwhelmed with fun things to do in Albuquerque a lot of choices when it comes to social activities outside of class. The only drawback to having so much at your fingertips is staying focused. Marcus Maansuq, a freshman from Hobbs, describes with a limited vocabulary and overriding Freudian subtly the difficulty of staying on track. “Yeah, it’s hard,” he said. “Sometimes my parents are hard on me. They call to make sure I am studying hard, but it’s hard because I like to play hard too. Should I go see the movie The Bounty Hunter or write my term paper?” Nightlife often focuses on bars and clubs where the law requires its patrons to be 21 or older. For some, however, the fact that freshmen are not yet able to go to these places is a plus. Dylan Pewk, a frosh, says he loves that he and

his friend are not old enough to drink. “Not only is underage drinking delinquent and unhealthy, it also would detract from the time I spend with my Grandma,” Pewk said. “It’s not like her diapers are going to change themselves.” Others are also finding alternative ways to get their highs outside of the bar scene. Because of the ease of securing narcotics in town, freshmen love “dat crunk accessibilitay” Albuquerque provides to drugs like dark chocolate, crack and caffeine. “Last weekend, after midterms, we rented a motel room and drank so much coffee. Oh, and did cocaine with hookers,” says a student who wished to remain anonymous named Bridget Wallace.

Albuquerque. So that means I make most of my money at the State Fair and the Balloon Fiesta. That’s bad news for business,” he said. Student Sara Marshal said she’s gone to the balloon fiesta for the past six years. Marshal said she was having a hard time staying awake at work and going to bed at 7 p.m. “Don’t get me wrong, I like seeing all the balloons all over the sky during the day, but why do we all go so early? That’s the part I don’t like,” she said. In order to organize all the ongoing activities, students can refer to weekly publications such as the Alibi. Each issue is lined with many articles and calendars showcasing the latest local events. Easily-satisfied first-year Stephanie Doorbuckle can’t get enough of the city’s frequently occurring second-rate dramatic performances and enticing community events for the elderly. “I am just thankful there is absolutely never anything to do Monday afternoon or evenings for a break from all the activities,” she said. “Plus, I really want to see The Bounty Hunter.” As shown by this survey, UNM admissions has an easy marketing sell in its recruitment of new students. Every year our vibrant city of Albuquerque reminds UNM freshmen that they made the right choice in their college selection. It also shows just how important a factor location is for incoming students in choosing their perfect university, allowing for more focus on the specific aspects of a school, such as the nutrageous degree of price inflation at the bookstore and of course the amount of on campus duck habitation available.

>>bobosports

Bobo Louie not father of Lucy’s litter

PRO-LIFE

The silence is over. UNM women’s soccer coach Kit Vela granted an in-depth, exclusive interview with the Daily Bobo after five months of absence from the media rounds about the events surrounding Elizabeth Lambert’s outburst in Provo, Utah. The entire soccer program has been mum on the events surrounding the Nov. 5 incident involving Lambert, sticking to the idea that loose lips sink ships. Since the game, Vela has released only a 22-word statement regarding

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sodoku in the lobo features

Gabbi Campos / Daily Bobo In this Jan. 27 file photo, Louie and Lucy Lobo waltz while Lucy eyes a husky sitting courtside. was a shy biology major from a small forest in Montana and worked as a receptionist in the Athletics Department. Louie described their first encounter as “love at first crotch sniff.” They began dating shortly thereafter and have been “like two fangs in a carcass” ever since. When the couple became mascots for UNM, they made a decision to keep their personal and professional lives separate. “People have always asked us, ‘Are you dating?’ We’ve always had to dismiss those suspicions for professional reasons,” Louie said. “I’ll admit it’s tough sometimes. When (the Bobos) win, I just want to give her a great big sloppy lick.” A statement released late Wednesday by Lucy’s publicist said Louie and Lucy met early Tuesday morning at Los Altos Dog Park. They worked through difficult emotions over a bag of Beggin’ strips. Louie was seen playing ball and tug with the six pups as Lucy watched from the side with a smile.

Long-awaited interview shocking and revealing Daily Bobo

521 Central NW on Central & 6th

student organization?

Daily Bobo

by Mario Trujillo

SUSHI HANA

Looking for a

by Cameron Smith This week, DNA paternity tests confirmed recent rumors that UNM mascot Bobo Louie is not the biological father of UNM mascot Bobo Lucy’s litter of pups. On February 22, Lucy gave birth to two male and four female pups in a cardboard box in the couple’s garage. Louie was by her side during the deliveries. Rumors that Louie was not the father began swirling when an indecent photo of Lucy and University of Washington’s handsome, cocky mascot Harry the Husky surfaced on the Internet. The photo was allegedly taken at a Phi Kappa triple-kegger fraternity party near the UW campus in Seattle. In an interview with the Daily Bobo, Louie claimed to be “shocked” and “taken aback” by the news. “I love her to death but this hurts to the core,” he said. “Even after all these dog-years, when she walks into a room my tail starts wagging.” Reportedly, Louie has since moved out of their two-bedroom cave in the East Mountains to a friend’s doghouse in northeast Albuquerque. The friend said Louie has been howling uncontrollably at the moon and manically digging holes in the backyard. Co-workers of Louie have noticed a change in his mood lately. Student Graham Golden, a trombonist in the UNM marching band and an acquaintance of Louie, said, “Louie is always such a charismatic and energetic guy, so it’s hard seeing him so miserable. Like during last week’s practice at The Pit, he laid on the scorer’s table for five hours. Practice only lasted two hours.” On March 26, Albuquerque Police were notified that Louie had mysteriously disappeared and was possibly suicidal. APD Sgt. Ricky Rodriguez said Louie was found wandering Central Avenue around 4 a.m. visibly drunk and slurring the lyrics to Richard Berry’s “Louie Louie” and The Beatles’ “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.” Louie resisted arrest so the officers were forced to use tasers. Before being restrained, Louie apparently yelled, “Let’s get ready to rumble!” Louie and Lucy met while attending UNM in the 1950s. Louie was a stand-out alpha and the first wolf in his pack to ever attend college. Lucy

aprilfools

April 1, 2010

the incident and has granted no interviews about the matter. But after months of media prodding, Vela broke and spoke about the events surrounding the incident than has been teased over the last semester. Below is a transcript of the most light-shedding interview to date. Daily Bobo: After you reviewed the game film against BYU what was your initial reaction? Vela: No comment. DB: During the game did you notice any of the “dirty play” that transpired?

see Soccer page 8

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8 >>bobosports

aprilfools APRIL 1, 2010

Lobo team technically

Locksely gets an E for effort and a fat bonus

undefeated

by P@ Lohmann

its wings when the NCAA disqualified its win against the Lobos. According to policy 4.20, instituted by NCAA presidentelect Jerry “Bleeding Heart” Garcia, no games may be won by “tools of The Man.” The NCAA also stripped BYU of its win over the Lobos after officials discovered policy tablets buried in the Utah desert declaring wins of less than 10 points “immoral.” When asked

Daily Bobo

Mike Locksley fainted in disbelief when the NCAA announced results of a comprehensive review of the Lobos’ dismal season. “OMG! OMG! OMG!” Locksley said, fanning himself. “I’m so happy, I could punch an assistant!” All 11 of the losses the Lobos’ sustained this season were reviewed, and all 11 of the losses were overturned. The Lobos technically ended their fall 2009 season 12-0.

“What can I say? I love the smell of victory.”

According to NCAA policy 13.5.6 section 8, Texas teams — and only Texas teams — are not allowed to celebrate after a victory. “Texas is a horrible, horrible place,” the policy reads, “so all Texas teams are forbidden from joy.” Jeffrey Williams, wide receiver, did a little jig after a 60yard touchdown run, so Texas A&M forfeited. San Diego State was forced to forfeit due to NCAA policy 5.3.1, which forbids spray-on tans. NMSU would have retained its Rio Grande Rivalry win if it weren’t for defensive linebacker Charles Husky. According to NCAA policy 1, no player is allowed to defecate on the field.

Daily Bobo

to review the tablets, officials revised the margin to 15 points. All of UNLV’s points during its game against the Lobos went unrecorded by the NCAA. According to NCAA policy 35.6.3 clause A, “What happens at Vegas, stays at Vegas.” NCAA President Phil McCracken disqualified Wyoming before the Lobo game Oct. 10, because he had a really bad time at Yellowstone 17 years earlier. And, finally, Utah’s appeal against the NCAA ruling that forced them to forfeit was unsuccessful. According to clause A in the second line of 55.41.17 bullet 14, Utah sucks.

~Mike Locksley

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and a first-round win in the NCAA tournament was not nearly good enough for the UNM community. Krebs strayed away from saying that Alford’s dismissal came as a result of his confrontation with BYU senior guard Jonathan Tavernari, whom Alford called an “a-hole.” Since the incident in Provo, Utah, Tavernari has publicly come forward and confirmed that he is, indeed an “a-hole,” leading to questions from the media about Krebs’ ability to effectively govern UNM athletics. Further adding to the fervor, Locksley was awarded for his charisma and positive outlook, despite a 1-11 record in his first year. “I am really happy about this move,” Locksley said. “I have battled my entire life to overcome any obstacles since I was a little boy back in Washington, D.C. Like I said, I am going to get this thing corrected. My coaching staff and I are happy to be at UNM, and we are going to win more than one game next season. Plus, it’s not all about winning on the field. I have winners at heart on this team.”

from PAGE 8

Vela: No comment. DB: Interesting. Could your coaching at all have contributed to her play? Vela: No comment. DB: Can you fault the officials for the game getting so out of hand? Vela: No comment

DB: Was the media attention warranted? Vela: No comment DB: Lambert was suspended indefinitely. Has that changed? Vela: No comment. DB: Thank you for your time. Vela: No comm… Thank You. Any time.

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The University of New Mexico Athletics Department prefers “winners at heart,” rather than actual proven winners. In a bizarre turn of events, Athletics Director Paul Krebs has allowed the unthinkable to happen. UNM head men’s basketball coach Steve Alford was fired on Wednesday because of a lack of success in his three years in Albuquerque. Meanwhile, UNM head football coach Mike Locksley was given a contract extension, including lucrative bonuses totaling more than $1 million. “A lot of people in this damn state have a lot in common with Jonathan Tavernari,” Alford said in a phone interview late Tuesday night. Alford’s résumé was re-evaluated on Tuesday before Krebs concluded that Alford’s two Mountain West Conference regular-season championships (76-26 overall record), the high student-athlete graduation rate

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Ned’s On The Rio Grande $4.95 Frito Pie, $2.00 Corrslight Draft $2.50 Corona and Corona Light. Appetizers $3.00 4-6pm Sushi and Sake Open 11:30-2:30; 5-9:30 Burt’s Tiki Lounge *Antioquia* *TBA* *Indie/ Rock*

The Library Bar & Grill Happy Hour 4pm- 7pm

April 1, 2010 Maloney’s Tavern Happy Hour Specials! $1.00 Off All Drinks Except Bottled Beer, 7 Days A Week From 3-7PM! Featured Drinks: Smirnoff Strawberry, PBR Pints for $2.00, And PBR Liters only $4.00 All Day And Night! Barrett House Attic Albuquerque’s Premier Thrift Store HOT CLOTHING AT COOL PRICES. Visit our thrift store and get another 5% off with this ad. 4308 Lomas NE 262-1073

e k a S & i h Sus Ko 26

4 338-2

338-24

rean BBQ

WE MAKE IT FRESH WHEN YOU

ORDER

lobonews

Free all you can eat sushi!!!

Buy 10 all-you-can-eat sushi dinners and get one free!

monday

2:00pm - 7:00pm $2.50 Blue Moon Sam Adams Seasonal Honeybrown Pints $2.25 Domestic Beers $2.75 Well Drinks

ow nn y o i t oca dem w L n Aca g e N no min ope Wyo &

7:00pm - Close $3.00 Bridgeport IPA Blue Moon; Shiner Bock Hardcore; Alien $4.00 Lemon Drops Kamikazes $5.00 9” 1-Topping Pizza $5.00 Cheeseburger w/ FF

7:00pm - Close $3.00 Dos Equis Tecate; Rolling Rock Honeybrown; Marble Blonde $4.00 Margaritas; Cosmos Slippery Nipples $5.00 9” 1-Topping Pizza $1.00 Tacos

3200 Central Ave. • Albuquerque, NM

wednesday

*no 151-proof

Sun-Thur

thursday

friday

*no Red Bull or Martinis

2:00pm - 7:00pm $3.00 Bridgeport IPA Paulaner; 90 Shilling Pints $2.25 Domestic Beers $2.75 Well Drinks 7:00pm - Close $3.00 Dos Equis; Tecate Alien; Sam Adam’s Seasonal 90 Shilling $3.25 Corona and Corona Light $4.00 Salty Dogs Razzitinis; Mind Erasers $4.50 Jose Cuervo $6.00 Manzano Martinis $5 Stuffed Sopapillas (Chicken or Beef)

saturday

11:00am - 7:00pm $2.75 Well Drinks $2.50 Bloody Marys $2.25 Domestic Bottles 2:00pm - 7:00pm $2.50 Alien, Blue Moon, Honeybrown 7:00pm - Close $3.00 Alien; Smithwick’s Sierra Nevada; New Castle Marble Blonde Smirnoff U-Call-It $6.75 Chicken or Ground Beef Burrito

DISTILLERY FREE POOL

7:00pm - Close $3.00 All Pints $4.00 Bacardi U-Call-It* $5.00 9” 1-Topping Pizza 1/2 of Selected Apps

7:00pm - Close $3.00 Smithwick’s Sam Adam’s Seasonal Marble Red; Bass; Stella Artois $4.00 Skyy U-Call-It* Copper House Martini $5.00 Copper Burger

downtown BAR & POOL HALL

2:00pm - 7:00pm $2.50 Alien Blue Moon Marble Red Pints $2.25 Domestic Beers $2.75 Well Drinks

2:00pm - 7:00pm $2.50 Alien; Blue Moon Honeybrown Pints $2.25 Domestic Beers $2.75 Well Drinks $6.00 Potato Skins

Monday 11:30-2:30 5-9:30 Tuesday 11:30-2:30 5-9: 30 Wednesday 11:30-2:30 5-9: 30 Thursday 11:30-2:30 5-9: 30 Friday 11:30-2:30 5-10 Saturday 11:30-2:30 5-10 Closed Sundays

FUN & GOOD FOOD • GREAT FOR PARTIES!

tuesday

2:00pm - 7:00pm $2.50 Blue Moon Sam Adams Seasonal Smithwick’s Pints $2.25 Domestic Beers $2.75 Well Drinks

ALL YOU CAN EAT LUNCH $18.95 DINNER $21.95

1504 Central Ave SE

Albuquerque, NM 87106

(505) 242-7490 Enjoy our new Patio Open Tues-Fri Night

EVERY FRIDAY

DJ 8TH WONDER

EVERYDAY

$2 16OZ $2.25 16OZ $2.75 16OZ

FRI & SAT

$1.99

SHOTS

The Blackbird Buvette Happy Hour All Day! Blackbird Karaoke with DJ Kammo 9pm

Tuesday 4/6 Ned’s On The Rio Grande $2.50 Tuesdays Food and Drink Specials for $2.50 Jam night with the Memphis P-Tails 7-11pm The Library Bar & Grill $2.50 well, wine, & domestics from 8pm to close. Wet T-Shirt Contest every Tuesday with cash prizes! Copper Lounge 2pm-7pm Shiner Bock, Sam’s Seasonal Smithwick’s $2.50 pints. $2.25 Domestic Beers. $275 Well Drinks. 7pm-close 9” 1-top pizza $5. Tacos $1. Margaritas, Slippery Nipple, or Cosmopolitan $4. Dos XX, Rolling Rock, Tecate, Marble Blonde $3 Sushi and Sake Open 11:30-2:30; 5-9:30 Burt’s Tiki Lounge *Tiki Tuesdays!* *Rockerz Dub Night* *$4 Tiki Drinks All Night* *Dub* Maloney’s Tavern Happy Hour Specials! $1.00 Off All Drinks Except Bottled Beer, 7 Days A Week From 3-7PM! Featured Drinks: Smirnoff Strawberry, PBR Pints for $2.00, And PBR Liters only $4.00 All Day And Night!

Barrett House Attic

Albuquerque’s Premier Thrift Store

Bring this ad for 5% off! Located at 4308 Lomas NE (just west of Washington on the south side of Lomas) Mon- Sat 9:30-5 262-1073

The Blackbird Buvette Happy Hour 4PM-8PM $3 Local Pints (Marble, Santa Fe, Tractor) $3.50 Single Shot Well Drinks Geeks Who Drink - 7pm Canning Birthday Bash! - 9pm Barrett House Attic Albuquerque’s Premier Thrift Store HOT CLOTHING AT COOL PRICES. Visit our thrift store and get another 5% off with this ad. 4308 Lomas NE 262-1073

Wednesday 4/7 Lotus Nightclub Salsa Wednesday w/ DJ Quico & DJ Mantra. Salsa, Merengue & Reggaeton in the back and Top 40, Hip Hop & Dance in the front. NO COVER The Blackbird Buvette Happy Hour 4PM-8PM $3 Local Pints (Marble, Santa Fe, Tractor) $3.50 Single Shot Well Drinks Poetry & Beer - 8pm Ned’s On The Rio Grande Wednesday Live Music Woohabs 8-11 FREE Copper Lounge 2pm-7pm Alien IPA, Blue Moon, Marble Red $2.50. $2.25 Domestic Beers. $2.75 Well Drinks. 7pm-close 9” 1-top pizza $5. Selected appetizers 50% off. All pints $3. Bacardi U- call it (no 151 proof) $4. Sushi and Sake Open 11:30-2:30; 5-9:30 Burt’s Tiki Lounge *Vinyl and Verses* *Underground Hip Hop* *UHF B-Boy Crew* *$2.50 Select Pints* Maloney’s Tavern Huge St. Patricks Day Bash! Opening early at 9:00am until the wee hours of 2:00am. Serving green beer and corned beef and cabbage all day! Entertainment from the Irish Step Dancers of New Mexico, The Anslover Trio, and Face Painting! Barrett House Attic Albuquerque’s Premier Thrift Store HOT CLOTHING AT COOL PRICES. Visit our thrift store and get another 5% off with this ad. 4308 Lomas NE 262-1073

CHECK OUT THE HAPS EVERY THURSDAY TO SEE WHATS HAPPENING IN ALBUQUERQUE!

>>bobofeatures

aprilfools

April 1, 2010

by Scott Adams

dilbert©

dailycrossword

Yesterday’s Solutions

dailysudoku Level: 1 2

Solutions to Yesterday’s Puzzle

Complete the grid so each row, column and 3-by-3 box (in bold borders) contains every digit 1 to 9. For strategies on how to solve Sudoku, visit www.sudoku.org.uk

Get your name out there with the Daily Sudoku

505.277.5656

www.dailylobo.com

SPONSOR THIS

SUDOKU

SPONSOR THIS

CROSSWORD

Get your name out there with the Daily Crossword

505.277.5656

The University of New Mexico Student Publications Board is now Accepting Applications for

Best Student Essays 2010-2011 Editor

Conceptions Southwest 2010-2011 Editor

This position requires approximately 10 hours per week and entails supervision of a volunteer staff.

Applications are available in Marron Hall Rm. 107 from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. Monday through Friday.

Term of Office: Mid-May 2010 through Mid-May 2011.

Application Deadline: 1 p.m. Friday, April 9, 2010.

Requirements: To be selected editor of Best Student Essays you must have completed at least 18 hours of credit at UNM or have been enrolled as a full time student at UNM the preceding semester and have a cumulative grade point average of at least 2.5 by the end of the preceding semester. The editor must be enrolled as a UNM student throughout the term of office and be a UNM student for the full term. Some publication experience preferable.

Requirements: To be selected editor of Conceptions Southwest you must have completed at least 18 hours of credit at UNM or have been enrolled as a full time student at UNM the preceding semester and have a cumulative grade point average of at least 2.5 by the end of the preceding semester. The editor must be enrolled as a UNM student throughout the term of office and be a UNM student for the full term. Some publication experience preferable.

For more information call 277-5656.

12 >>classifieds

LASSIFIEDs CCLASSIFIEDS DAILY LOBO

April 1, 2010

DAILY LOBO new mexico

ELECTRONIC/ COMPUTER REPAIR affordable. 991-3494.

CLASSIFIED INDEX

Find your way around the Daily Lobo Classiﬁeds

Announcements Announcements Fun, Food, Music Lost and Found Miscellaneous Services Travel Want to Buy Your Space

MATHEMATICS, STATISTICS TUTOR. Billy Brown, PhD. welbert53@aol.com 401-8139. PAPER DUE? FORMER UNM instructor, Ph.D., English, published, can help. 254-9615. MasterCard/ VISA.

Housing Apartments Co-housing Condos Duplexes Houses for Rent Houses for Sale Housing Wanted Property for Sale Rooms for Rent Sublets

PLEASE COMMENT AND vote (take survey) on my C&J 479 Electronic Publishing Class blog. http://collegegradu ationﬁrst.blogspot.com Thank you, Spanish-Amiga$$ (Ms. Plain-Jane Education Enterprises). Dream big because dreaming is still free!

Apartments APARTMENT HUNTING? www.keithproperties.com

Employment

MOVE IN SPECIAL- walk to UNM. 1and 2BDRMS starting at $575/mo includes utilities. No pets. 255-2685, 268-0525.

Child Care Jobs Jobs off Campus Jobs on Campus Jobs Wanted Volunteers Work Study Jobs

1 AND 2BDRMS, 3 blocks to UNM, no pets. Clean, quiet, and affordable. 301 Harvard SE. 262-0433. UNM NORTH CAMPUS- 1 and 2BDRMS $490-$650/mo +utilities. Clean, quiet, remodeled. Move in special! 573-7839.

Announcements HUGE YARD SALE At 1213 Valencia Dr. NE. Moving sale/ books/ and more. Saturday 4/3/10 8AM to 4PM. For more info call 505-550-2639.

UNM/ CNM STUDIOS, 1BDRM, 2BDRMS, 3BDRMS, and 4BDRMS. William H. Cornelius, Real Estate Consultant: 243-2229. NOB HILL LIVING- Free UNM/ CNM parking. 1BDRM $450-$475/mo. 4125 Lead SE. 256-9500. A LOVELY 2BDRM- UNM area, hardwood ﬂoors, parking. $750/mo. 2118 Gold. 299-2499.

HAVE YOU SEEN Arnold? Contact his mother maryehenwoo@aol.com, 2644016. WWW.503ORTIZ.COM 3Br/2Ba $1025 www.237vermont.com 3Br/2Ba $850 304-5306

Fun Food Music ALL PRETTY LIGHTS music is available for FREE download via PrettyLightsMusic.com. Show Wednesday, April 21. Check ElReyTheater.com.

Lost and Found LOST KEYS SET of keys on a sock monkey keychain lost on North Campus/Redondo HSC shuttle stop 2/26. Large Saab key and other small keys. Have no spares. Call 710-2236 if found.

Services TUTORING - ALL AGES, most subjects. Experienced Ph.D. 265-7799.

DAILY LOBO new mexico

Houses For Sale

GRADUATE STUDENTS WANTED to share 3BDRM/ 2BA house in UNM area. $375/mo. +1/3 utilities. Internet, cable, laundry. (505)615-5115.

PLEASE VOTE FOR me at www.kasa. com, click Face of Fox. If you have ever said I talk too much, thanks for your vote, Tamara Levette Farmer.

Audio/Video Bikes/Cycles Computer Stuff Dogs, Cats, Pets For Sale Furniture Garage Sales Textbooks Vehicles for Sale

3BDRM 2BA ACROSS street from UNM 1629 Roma NE. W/D, 3-car garage, secluded patio, $1000/mo +dd. Small pets excepted. 238-4405 or 203-1633.

SILK SCREENING CLASSES Adults and children. belita_orner@hotmail.com

Your Space

For Sale

Houses For Rent

HOME FOR SALE by owner. North Valley 3BDRM 2.5BA 2100 Sqft. $225,000 Owner will carry the note. 345-3677

STATE FARM INSURANCE 3712 Central SE @ Nob Hill 232-2886 www.mikevolk.net

WWW.UNMRENTALS.COM Awesome university apartments. Unique, hardwood ﬂoors, FPs, courtyards, fenced yards, houses, cottages, efﬁciencies, studios, 1 and 2 and 3BDRMs. Garages. Month to month option. 843-9642. Open 7 days/ week. NOB HILL/ UNM small 1BDRM. Quiet professional wanted. $550/mo includes utilities. No pets/ no smoking. 255-7874. A LOVELY KNOTTY Pined decor 3BDRM 1.5BA. Skylight, parking, UNM area. $850/mo. 1814 Gold. 299-2499. STUDIO- FIRST MONTH FREE w/extended lease, 1 block UNM, Free utilities, $435-$455/mo. 246-2038. www.kachina-properties.com

Condos LOOKING FOR SERIOUS students to rent 2BDRM 1.5BA Condo for the summer. 5 minute walk to UNM. 505-4703103.

Rooms For Rent

NEXT TO BIKE trail to UNM. Furnished room Montgomery/ Carlisle. Near Bus Stop. Internet, laundry, dishwasher, more. $350/mo +utilities $100dd. 505349-1915. FEMALE ROOMMATE WANTED, gated community, newer townhome, master suite, private bathroom, walk-in closet, all ults incld, house fully furnished except bedroom, includes wi-ﬁ, $500. 3011733. ROOMS FOR RENT- Dorm-style living. Starting at $250/mo. Guys and girls rooms available. Troy 315-3118. NOB HILL QUIET bedroom, bathroom with private entrance, $450/mo, includes utilities, 255-7874. $295/MO +1/4 UTILITIES. Prefer male. 2 blocks from UNM. Ken 604-6322. GRADUATE STUDENT, FURNISHED ROOM, W/D, cable, smokeless, free utilities, $295/mo +$50dd. 344-9765.

For Sale 4-HOLE 17” racing rims with tires. $400obo. 575-779-9661. BRADLEY’S BOOKS MWF 379-9794. AMPEG B4R1000 WATT-HEAD, AMPEG 8x10 speaker cabinet $1200. Will sell seperately, reasonable offers welcome. Call 505-264-2633.

Vehicles For Sale 1990 RANGE ROVER, County Edition. Excellent aluminum body, never used off-road. British Racing Green with leather interior. Includes full shop manual. Located in Alamogordo, NM. $6,400. (575) 437-0220, c3@netmdc. com weekdays. thank you. 1993 NISSAN ALTIMA runs great, but needs power steering work. $1,300 w/o tires $1,500 w/ new tires. Please call Allison 505.803.7623 1998 OLDS. 88. Good, sturdy, and dependable (medium-sized) student car w/ 4-doors, large trunk and 97,000 miles. Grey w/ no dents. santafeusa@msn.com or 505-2041800.

Child Care FIVE STAR, NATIONALLY Accredited child care program looking for staff members to work afternoons with school aged children. Please call 505304-6493. CHILD CARE HELPER, children age 13, 2 hrs 3 times/wk, 4:30-6:30PM. Supper, homework, need car. Osuna San Mateo Vista Del Norte Housing Tract. Kim 4109043, 345-2198. PT/FT OPENING - Childrens Learning Center Email resume to dx6572@g mail.com

Jobs Off Campus

13th Annual College of Education Graduate Student Colloquium Starts at: 12:30PM Location: The University of New Mexico Student Union Building Graduate students present their research, practice, and creative works to their peers, faculty members, and others in the university community.

!!!BARTENDING!!!: UP TO $300/day. No experience necessary, training provided. 1-800-965-6520ext.100. THE BERNALILLO COUNTY Aquatics Program is hiring Lifeguards, Managers, and Cashiers! Lifeguard classes start April 5, 2010. For More information please call Aquatics at 314-0418.

Future events may be previewed at www.dailylobo.com

VETERINARY ASSISTANT/ RECEPTIONIST/ kennel help. Pre-veterinary student preferred. Ponderosa Animal Clinic: 881-8990/ 881-8551. VETERINARY ASSISTANT/ RECEPTIONIST/ kennel help. Pre-veterinary student preferred. Ponderosa Animal Clinic: 881-8990/ 881-8551. THE BERNALILLO COUNTY Aquatics Program Master Swim Program starts May 1, 2010, from 6am to 7am, Monday thru Friday. Come swim laps now! Hiring Masters Swim Coach. Call Roberto at 314-0167. SUMMER NANNY LIVE-in. Weekly pay + living expenses. Outdoorsy, energetic: stevensonhome@gmail.com SERVER/BARTENDERS, EAST MOUNTAIN students, great money, very busy restaurant/bar, 10mins from Albuquerque, apply in person RIBS BBQ in Cedar Quest 12220 North Highway 14.

RESTAURANT

OPENINGS AVAILABLE

Starting at $8.50/hr. Day, night, late night, weekends. Cashiers/busing positions. Will work around your schedule.

Apply in person.

2400 Central SE TALIN MARKET IS looking for an office assistant. Must be organized, able to type at least 50 words per minute, and proficient with ten key. Please pick up an application at 88 Louisiana SE (corner of Central & Louisiana). EARN $1000-$3200 A month to drive our brand new cars with ads placed on them. www.YouDriveAds.com DANCERS, GREAT PAY. Parties, private dances, body rubs. No exp req’d. (505)489-8066. privatedancersnm.com FT INCOME, PT flexible hours, Call today for appointment! Rosanna 228-1558 or Tim 328-5532. COME THIS SATURDAY 4:30pm to SAGA gymnastic’s job fair. Will be hiring summer positions. Be prepared to be active.

MOUNTAIN BREWPUB IS seeking a Tasting Room/ Restaurant Manager starting April 15th. Ideal candidate will be high energy, positive and skilled at task management, mixology, staff supervision, scheduling, supply ordering, sales, interacting with public and working with team. Have a minimum of 3 employer references. Have worked in a lead restaurant position for min of 1 year and total minimum of 2+ years in the industry. Interviews will be held in Silverton, CO by appointment! Resume and cover letter to: Brewery, PO Box 597, Silverton, CO 81433 or Silvertonbrewing@aol.com by April 5th, 2010. WANTED: EGG DONORS, Would you be interested in giving the Gift of Life to an Infertile couple? We are a local Infertility Clinic looking for healthy women between the ages of 21-33 who are nonsmoking and have a normal BMI, and are interested in anonymous egg donation. The experience is emotionally rewarding and you will be ﬁnancially compensated for your time. All donations are strictly conﬁdential. Interested candidates please contact Myra at The Center for Reproductive Medicine of NM at 505-224-7429. !BARTENDER TRAINING! Bartending Academy, 3724 Eubank NE, www.newmexicobartending.com 292-4180.

Jobs On Campus THE DAILY LOBO IS LOOKING FOR AN ADVERTISING SALES REPRESENTATIVE! Flexible scheduling, great money-making potential, and a fun environment! Sales experience preferred (advertising sales, retail sales, or telemarketing sales). Hiring immediately! You must be a student registered for 6 hours or more. Work-study is not required. For information, call Daven at 277-5656, or apply online at unmjobs.unm.edu. search department: Student Publications RESEARCH ASSOCIATE POSITION available in our adolescent research lab at the Mind Research Network (located at UNM). Position includes coordinating study daily activities, conducting assessments with participants, managing and analyzing data. This is a great opportunity for highly motivated individuals seeking to go on to graduate or medical school. Qualiﬁed hires will receive training in data collection and analyses. Requirements: bilingual (Spanish/English), bachelor’s degree, detail-oriented, and excellent interpersonal skills. If interested, please apply online at www.mrn. org to job posting #241.

Volunteers HEALTHY VOLUNTEERS AND subjects with and without asthma are needed for a research study looking at the effects of fat and physical activity on the breathing tubes. If you qualify, compensation will be provided for your time and inconvenience upon study completion. If you are healthy or have asthma, over the age of 18, and are interested in ﬁnding out more about this study, please contact or leave a message for Teresa at (505)269-1074 or e-mail tarchibeque@salud.unm.edu

NEED A JOB? Make sure to check the Daily Lobo Classiﬁeds Monday through Friday for new employment opportunities. Visit us online, anytime at www.dailylobo.com/classiﬁeds.

Check out a few of the Jobs on Main Campus available through Student Employment! Listed by: Position Title Department Closing Date Salary Job of the Day

Mesa del Sol Research Assistant 06-26-2010

$12/hr Construction Associate Off Campus Work Study 06-30-2010 $13.40/Hr

Research Assistant Off Campus Work Study 07-01-2010 $12.00/Hr.

Machine Shop Assistant Physics Astronomy Department 07-01-2010 $8.50/Hr. CBME Research Assistant Center for Biomedical Engineering 06-30-2010 $10.00/Hr. Grader Mathmatics & Statistics 04-10-2010 10.50/Hr.

Web Poster Student Publications 06-30-2010 $25.00/Day Computer Assistant Bookstore Main Campus 06-30-2010 $7.50 to $ 8.75 Law School Research Assistant School of Law Administration 06-29-2010 $9.00 to $11.00

Marketing Website Assistant Bookstore Main Campus 06-30-2010 $7.50 to $8.75 Student Service Assistant I CAPS General Administrative 06-29-2010 $7.50/Hr. Res Life Conference Night Manager Housing Svcs 06-29-2010 $8.00/Hr.

For more information about these positions, to view all positions or to apply visit https://unmjobs.unm.edu Call the Daily Lobo at 277-5656 to find out how your job can be the Job of the Day!!

Changeling the Lost Starts at: 8:00PM Placing an event in the Lobo Location: Student Union Building, UpLife calendar: per Floor Santa Ana A&B Play a character as part of White Wolf Pub- 1. Go to www.dailylobo.com lishing’s ongoing ofﬁcial worldwide chronicle. 2. Click on “Events” link near the Please call Marco at 505 453 7825 for infor- top of the page. mation/conﬁrmation 3. Click on “Submit an Event Listing” on the right side of the page.

Community Events

LOOKING FOR READING tutor for 7 year old boy. 21+, patience necessary, $11/hr. Call 843-9662.

BARBIZON MODELING seeks current or former models, actors, or makeup artistry professionals to teach classes on weekends. Contact Rachel at 727215-5251 or Rach1166@AOL.com.

LOBO LIFE

Campus Events

CLASSIFIED PAYMENT INFORMATION

Phone: Pre-payment by Visa, Discover, • 30¢ per word per day for five or more Come to to Marron show •• Phone: Pre-payment by Visa or Master •• Come MarronHall, Hall,room room107, 131, show or American is required. consecutive days without changing or your IDID and receive FREE classiﬁeds Card is required. CallExpress 277-5656. yourUNM UNM and receive a special rate MasterCard Call 277-5656 cancelling. inofYour Rooms for Rent, orRooms any For 10¢Space, per word in Personals, • Fax or E-mail: Pre-payment by Visa or • Fax or Email: Pre-payment by Visa, Discover, • 40¢ per word per day for four days or Sale Category. for Rent, or any For Sale category. Master Card is required. Fax ad text, MasterCard or American Express is required. less or non-consecutive days. dates and dates category to 277-7531, or ad text, and catergory to 277-7530 CLASSIFIED ADVERTISING Fax • Special effects are charged addtionally: e-mail classads@unm.edu. or email to to classiﬁ eds@dailylobo.com DEADLINE logos, bold, italics, centering, blank lines, person:Pre-payment Pre-pay bybycash, •• In In person: cash, check, money larger font, etc. check, Visa, Discover, MasterCard or • 1 p. m. business day before publication. order, money order, Visa or MasterCard. American Express. Come by room 107 Come by room 131 in Marron Hallinfrom CLASSIFIEDS ON THE WEB Marron Hall from 8:00am to 5:00pm. 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. UNM Student Publications www.dailylobo.com Mail:: Pre-pay money order, in-state check, Pre-paybyby money order, in-state •• Mail MSC03 2230 Visa, Discover, MasterCard or American check, Visa, MasterCard. Mail payment, 1 University of New Mexico • All rates include both print and online Express. Mail payment, ad text, dates and ad text, dates and category. Albuquerque, NM 87131 editions of the Daily Lobo. catergory.

ABORTION AND COUNSELING services. Caring and conﬁdential. FREE PREGNANCY TESTING. Curtis Boyd, MD, PC: 522 Lomas Blvd NE, 2427512.

BIRTHRIGHT CARES. FREE pregnancy tests, help. 262-2235.

UNM ID ADVANTAGE

CLASSIFIED ADVERTISING RATES

new mexico

Sai Baba devotional singing (bhajans) 4. Type in the event information Starts at: 7:00PM and submit! Location: 111 Maple Street UNM area-Phone: 505-366-4982

Events of the Day

Planning your day has never been easier! Please limit your desription to 25 words (although you may type in more, your description will be edited to 25 words. To have your event published in the Daily Lobo on the day of the event, submit at least 3 school days prior to the event . Events in the Daily Lobo will apear with the title, time, location and 25 word description! Although events will only publish in the Daily Lobo on the day of the event, events will be on the web once submitted and approved. Events may be edited, and may not publish on the Web or in the Daily Lobo at the discretion of the Daily Lobo.