3 Things I Would Tell My Pre-Kid Self

3 things I would tell my pre-kid self... and how it would change everything I thought I knew about parenting!

by talitha a. mcguinness16

Remember the days when weekends were for sleeping in and there was no rushing from one birthday party or soccer game to the next, just to fit everything in throughout the day? Yeah, me neither. It seems like those days are but a distant memory. Perhaps it’s because I’ve been raising kids for over 13 years now and so much of life before kids is such a blur (I can't possibly be the only mom who doesn't recall specific details about each birth, who walked when, who said what, etc.).

I vaguely remember parties with friends, dinners out and dancing on the weekends, and even that spontaneous trip, mainly because we had the money and time, and nothing else to do. Even though it’s just a memory, I definitely remember that my evenings weren’t filled with

shuttling kids from one activity to the next, preparing food for my tiny army, conquering laundry the size of Mt. Everest, and the desire to poke out my eyeballs while trying to help with homework. No way. Whatever those days were, they were definitely not THAT!

However, I do remember a time in my life when I wanted nothing more than to get married to the perfect man and become a mom (like since I was 4 years old). I had this beautiful dream of how I would be the perfect mother and would have perfect little children who always listened. Yeah, I know... it was a bit lofty in comparison to my current reality. Fast forward all those years, and here I am married for 18 years and 4 kids later. Is my marriage perfect? Are my children? Am I

that picture perfect mom? Heck no, but aren’t we all a work in progress? Since reality showed me things a little differently, here are a few things I’d tell my pre-kid self to help ease into it:

Love your body and your self.

Remember what your body was like before kids? Yeah, I know, we were a little younger and youth was doing us all kinds of favors, but I totally took for granted how thin, healthy and strong I was. I never realized that after four kids, it might be difficult to lose all of that pregnancy and too-busy-toeat-right-and-workout weight that just, well, accumulated over a span of time. Had I known, I like to think I would have gotten in better shape before I started having kids. And to be honest, it isn't even all about your physical health. Your mental health is equally as important. Take time for you, whether it be through weekends with your girlfriends, a monthly dinner or new experience out, or even quiet time to yourself to read a book, listen to music, or meditate, enjoy the scenery and recharge. Your body is going to go through some serious changes over the years during and after pregnancy, so be kind to your body and your self. To those of you who haven’t started or are thinking of starting your family, take heart...get into a fitness and eating healthy routine now, and it won’t be so hard to love and take time for yourself once the babies get here. If you're already in the thick of it, it's never too

late to start. Your health (both mental and physical) should be a priority, to be a stronger, healthier version of yourself for yours and their sakes.

You many not be the mom you had planned. And that's ok!

Before becoming a mother, I never would have dreamed I’d be raising adventurous kids and would be enjoying the adventures right alongside of them. Believe me...I'll happily (and a little proudly) admit that I'm that mom. I was made for tackling science fair projects, sewing Halloween costumes, and even helping build extensive dioramas for school projects, all while having the meals and activity schedules planned out for the week. Is there yelling and short fuses? Absolutely. On a good day, four kids is no piece of cake, but I manage through lots of scheduling, a little balance, a lot of love and an amazing village, (oh, and a whole lot of grace!). Our kids have run 5Ks, play various sports, have parasailed, are avid snow and water skiiers, go camping and roadtripping, enjoy time on the lake paddleboarding, get plenty of sun and free time at the beach, and hike when we’re in the mountains (it’s great to live in a state where we have so many geographic options!). In all my years growing up, I had never done many of these things, so I love being able to learn them as my kids are learning them, and literally seeing the thrill and fun through their eyes. However,

if you gravitate toward quiet, structured, and a little more low-key, that's totally cool, too. Finding your style is all part of the "mom" journey, so find what works for you and rock it out!

There are no perfect moms.

I know we all had grand ideas of what we would be as a mom before the children arrived, but I’m sure most of us can put our big girl panties on and admit that things look differently. We don’t always have clean, well-mannered children in our magazine worthy home, with a home cooked meal spread on the table with each of us gathered around to talk about our day each night. We don’t vaccuum in heels and get the laundry washed, folded and put away all in the same day. We just need to strive to give the best we can with what we have at each given moment. We will learn and grow as parents right along with our children. We will teach them about patience, kindness and grace, about the importance of trying new things, about doing for others, and how to do hard things when obstacles arise (and we all know they will). We will explore and make millions of memories with them, but most importantly, we will cherish and love them and they will know it.

Hopefully, these tips ease your transition (or perhaps soften your perspective on the reality of it all), and you’ll give yourself the grace you deserve to do the best you can with what you have!

Talitha has been a part of crafting much of the creative side of the Fetal Health Foundation for more than 13 years. Married for 18 years and mom to four, with her identical twins being TTTS survivors, she has experienced the spectrum on pregnancy and childbirth. She loves being a resource for other families and providing hope on their journey with a fetal syndrome.