Ask Aunty Nelly

FACEBOOK.COM/ANTONELLAUNCENSORED. INSTAGRAM.COM/ANTONELLAUNCENSORED. NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED. AUNTY NELLY PHOTO: PHILIPPA GRACE PHOTOGRAPHY. PHOTOS (POSED BY MODELS): GETTY Q My husband’s a smoker, and after three heart attacks he still hasn’t given up. He’s now registered disabled and no longer works. I refuse to buy him cigs and I’ve told everyone not to buy him any, but he still finds a way. We argue about it constantly. I’ve never had an addiction myself and really don’t understand why he doesn’t want to be here for our children and grandchildren. How can I make him see sense? Nancy, 56 A I’m not on his side or yours, chuck. You’re right, he shouldn’t be smoking, but he is. Try supporting him, take him to the GP or suggest a cessation clinic. Nagging him will just make him reach for the packet even more. Explain how much you love him and how frightened you are of losing him. 3 tips to... Cope with empty nest syndrome 1 TALK ABOUT IT Don’t be afraid to turn to friends and family for support. However, not everyone goes through empty nest syndrome –so tell those you know will understand. 2 FIND YOU AGAIN An empty nest means you have space and time to get back in touch with the old you. Did you love music, cooking, painting..? This is a great time to crack on with what you love or something you never knew could be fun. 3 KEEP IN TOUCH Don’t just rely on texts with your kids. Plan a time that’s convenient for you both and spend a good hour chatting. You can have a proper catch-up. Don’t forget to give yourself a pat on the back –you’ve raised an independent child who’s not afraid to live their own life. Sex is a flop Q I’ve been married for eight years and we have young children who take up most of our energy. Our sex life has gone downhill... When we do find time, there is no foreplay and it’s all over very quickly. I’m frustrated. I still really fancy him and want the intimacy. Clare, 35 A Having kids is no excuse. You’ve both got to put the effort in, every day. Try going out for a date night or a weekend away. Be honest with your husband, tell him that you’re not enjoying your sex life and that it’s over too soon. But also find other ways to feel intimate –hold hands, have a cuddle. It’s not all about sex, you know! Q My parents had me when they were 18. They recently threw me a big party for my own 18th birthday. They have their own company and money is no object. They’re still young but they behave like kids –partying, drinking. At my party, they got drunk and flirted with my mates, who all think they’re amazing. I screamed at Mum, told her that she was an embarrassment and I wished she wasn’t my mum. The day after, I tried to apologise but she didn’t want to know and called me ungrateful. We don’t speak now and she eats alone in her room. What can I do? Phoenix, 18 A Oh dear, flower! You’re certainly not the first person to be embarrassed by their parents! But you also disrespected your mum. She’s worked hard to bring you up. If she wants to let her hair down, she’s allowed. Knock on her door and tell her how sorry you are, that you shouldn’t have spoken to her like that and that you love her. She’ll give you a hug, tell you it’s OK, and you can move on. AS K Our Antonella tells it how it is Aunty Nelly I’ve upset my mum He’s risking everything